#I am happy you had this collection of emotions
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❝ 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 ❞
𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 | 𝐋𝐇𝟒𝟒
pairing: sir lewis hamilton x fem!oc; Nadia
summary: in which Nadia doesn’t play about her man.
warnings: cussing, outfit descriptions, fighting, slight aggression towards nadia.
saint’s team radio 🪩: let me tell you guys something. this is one of my favourite chapters i’ve written. can’t believe we’re on chapter 11! Hope you enjoy!
and happy birthday mntase! (hopefully you’ll see this!)
dividers by @cafekitsune
pictures from pinterest and instagram!
faceclaim: @/unclewaffles_ on ig!
-
The glow of the Eiffel Tower shining through the hotel window was all Nadia could stare at, her eyes behind her glasses gazing back and forth at the sparkles from the metal structure.
Four seasons welcomed the two in their suite with decadent chocolates and overly luxurious desserts, a treat for their short plane ride from London.
Evening had begun and the two had spent the past few hours that they had been in Paris just lounging around. Lewis working on some emails with Nadia styling her wig to perfection for the next evening, Pharrell’s latest Louis Vuitton collection as the new creative director. An event she could not wait to attend, a dream come true for her and what she wanted to do for herself in the future if she decides to stop teaching.
The sun had long gone down and the Eiffel Tower was an incredible sight, Nadia’s emotions all over the place because she truly thought she wouldn’t be here, that she was dreaming too big but she was here with someone she knew she had feelings for. “Lewis! Are you ready yet?” Nadia spoke out, adjusting her glasses with her finger as she plopped herself on the couch.
“Yeah actually. I wanted bigger frames and the optometrist said my left eye’s slowly getting its vision back.” She responded. “You went during Spain?” “Mhm.”
Nadia’s attention turned towards his head full of hair, short extensions sitting next to her to braid into his hair. “Can you hand me the gel?” She softly asked, beginning to feel at the soft hair in front of her, running her manicured fingers through it as it sent shivers down Lewis’ spine.
Not much time had passed for them to start talking on anything random, the current topic being Nadia’s school years. “Oh yeah, Cambridge was a bit odd because there weren’t a lot of us there. Most professors doubted that I’d graduated but then I showed those motherfuckers.” She laughed, working on a braid.
“It was a fun experience and I was more than grateful to leave. Oxford though, was me just experimenting and seeing if I could get in for my honours in History and here I am.” Nadia continued, Lewis humming in response. “What did you really want to do though? I saw you displayed your degrees back at home.” He spoke, using his hands to speak.
“I’ve always wanted to do something in fashion but my mom straight up said that it wouldn’t get me anywhere so it was either Cambridge or sitting around with her all day.” She expressed. This made Lewis turn around with his face fully confused. “I thought you were good with your mom.”
“So did I, Lew. She’s a very complex person so most of my time was spent away from her. Until we eventually mended things then boom! I got married to you.” Nadia spoke, deciding to let out a little chuckle at the little joke.
The last sentence made Lewis’ mind work overtime. He didn’t want to come up with a theory just yet, not when they’ve come so close together in such little time. “My team worked with my family for this, as my stepmum said. Said it’ll make me look good.” Lewis confessed. Just like that, Nadia’s hands stopped working.
“What the hell were you doing for them to do that?” She asked, head tilted to look at him while her hand was entangled in his hair. All he could do was shrug, he was just told he was getting married a week prior to meeting Nadia. “Damn, this fame thing is weird as shit.” She said out loud and they laughed.
After telling each other their backstories and feeling like they know each other a little better, Lewis hair was eventually done. “Look at you looking all handsome.” She complimented him, washing her hands in the bathroom then coming back out to look at him. He already felt like he looked good but hearing it from Nadia felt so much better. “Thank you. Got gentle hands on you, maybe I should get you to do my hair.” He smirked at her.
Rolling her eyes with a smile, she cleaned everything up and began walking towards the bedroom. “And who’s supposed to be your super smart, talented, beautiful wife?” She winked at him as she walked and he couldn’t help but shake his head with the biggest smile on his face.
-
A Maybach van was the vehicle of choice to head to the show at the Pont Neuf bridge, the drive shorter than she initially thought.
“It’s not as cold as I thought it’d be.” Nadia softly spoke, playing with her skirt, her nerves eating at her. Looking over at her, Lewis held his hand out and she took it without a second thought. “Everyone who meets you will fall in love with you, I swear.” Just like I did was what he wanted to finish his sentence with.
“This isn’t as out of the box as I can go but what if it’s like super packed?” She stressed. This wasn’t a mediocre event, this was a place she always saw herself being one day and out of her mother’s shadow. Making a name for herself.
“Nads, you’re with me. We’ll be more than okay and you look good as fuck. Don’t forget who you are.” Lewis spoke with pure confidence and that last part made her turn to him with curiosity etched on her face.
“Now you’re losing me.” She spoke. “Remember how you told me after Canada that I’m ‘Lewis fucking Hamilton?’” The memory came back and she couldn’t help but giggle at it, her grillz showing.
“I was being your hype woman, man. Of course I’m gonna say shit like that.” Nadia smiled at that, her hand still holding Lewis’.
He then put on a smug expression. “Exactly, now it’s my turn. You’re Nadia fucking Hamilton. Never doubt yourself.” He spoke in his relaxed voice, knowing that it would get to her easily. Like clockwork, she adjusted herself in her seat and sat up right as if she was manually accepting the words spoken to her.
Her confidence truly grew as they got to the entrance. Doing promo for LV was the last thing she expected but Lewis cheered her on to do it. Everything felt so surreal, from meeting her celebrity friends who immediately took a liking to her to watching the amazing show front row, taking everything in. Replaying her husband’s words in her head, she interacted with everyone who was itching to meet her and Nadia felt like the world’s biggest star.
Partying with people she admired from afar was something she would cherish forever. She truly didn’t want this to end. “Lewis, Nadia! Thank you guys so much for attending.” Pharrell called out to the couple who were all smiles. The conversation went on merrily with Lewis even promoting Nadia’s styling career. “Oh I would love to work on something. Lewis has been going on about how good you are. So, while I send through some pieces of you guys, I’ll also send you my details so we can work something out?” The older man suggested.
“That sounds amazing! Yeah, I love that!” She beamed from ear to ear, grillz flashing ever so beautifully. After saying goodbyes, Nadia turned to Lewis who had been admiring her the entire time. Throwing her arms around him, the two hugged with cameras panning over to them. “Thank you, my love.” She said to him, leaning to kiss him on the cheek.
“I lo-”
“Nadia! Bae! Come over here!” Megan thee stallion’s voice boomed as her and Zendaya beckoned Nadia over to them. The woman looked to her husband who just gave her a closed smile. “Go have fun, I’ll be with Jay and Bey.” Lewis spoke, patting the side of her ass.
“Okay cool, see you later!” Squeezing him once more, she let go of the hug and ran to her new friends.
Lewis knew that it wasn’t the right time to admit such. He just wanted to blurt it out so that she knows how he feels, how he feels a pull every time she walked away, how he wants to give her the universe just to see her smile.
-
BROMLEY, SOUTH LONDON
The bass of a mixture of reggae and amapiano songs hit through the speakers of the range rover, the long drive from their house enjoyable with both their voices singing over the music at times.
Nadia being the designated driver this time, she carefully drove as the two reached Nicola’s house. The two got the invite shortly after the chaos that was Austria to have a pre-Silverstone celebration with everyone as Nicola called it. An awkward Tuesday to host a lunch/dinner but a great gesture nonetheless. It was more of a surprise that everyone was actually available to do such a thing.
Eventually finding parking behind Mile’s car, it was clear that they were most certainly late. Hopping out of the car, her LV trainers landed on the pebbles underneath her with a bit of a limp to her step. Nadia prayed it was less visible than what it was the day before. Opening the back car door to get the plastic containers filled with everything she brought for this lunch, baked goods prepared with love and excitement.
“You look so good today, baby.” She heard his voice as she closed the door to the car. “I look like a walking ad but thank you, love.” Nadia responded, handing the containers for him to hold as they made their way to the door.
Not even bothering to knock, Lewis walked into the busy house and the scent of different foods filled the air and you could hear loud laughter from the background. The place was huge, perfect for a big family.
Before they could take another step into the welcoming foyer, two familiar screams echoed through. “Auntie Nadia! Sir Uncle!” Willow and Kaiden came rushing towards the pair, Nadia already crouching on the floor with open arms to hug the two eager children. “We missed you so much, Auntie Nadia!” Willow smiled brightly, unable to contain her excitement.
“Wooow, what about your uncle?” Lewis joked as the kids embraced his legs since his arms were pre-occupied with the containers.
On the way to the kitchen to greet whoever was in there, she admired the homey feeling of it all and she was also just guessing where everything was, following the aroma of the food like the cartoons. “Nadia, oh my god! You guys are finally here!” The host herself exclaimed as she hurried to the confused girl. “I’m so glad you guys are here! It’s so good seeing you again and might I say, you’re glowing!”
The two women had gotten quite used to each other over the course of the few months, the kids growing obsessed with Nadia and wanted to see her every so often. Rather being scared of doing anything with Lewis’ family without him being there, Nadia kept a distance but kept a huge smile on for the kids whenever Nicola would randomly facetime.
“I use this one cleanser, maybe that’s why.” The girl grinned, kinda nervous that anyone could see her slight limp. “Sure, a cleanser. You look amazing, though. The kids were happy to see you on screen on Sunday, they were buzzing.” The older woman spoke.
“I missed them a lot. Austria was insane, it was cold and nothing was going right but at least we’re here for Silverstone.” Nadia shrugged, not wanting to talk about the previous grand prix that gave her stress. “I’ve never really liked that track so I understand you fully.” Nicola nodded after responding.
Nadia looked behind Nicola for a bit and unbeknownst to her, her eyes smiled with a lingering feeling within them. Lewis approached the two woman standing in the hallway but Nicola could already tell as she watched her sister in law fall in love in front of her.
The siblings greeted each other with hugs before Lewis turned to Nadia. “There’s someone I want you to meet.” He told her, a soft expression on his face as he saw become slightly nervous. “Oh, do I look okay?” She asked the siblings and they nodded simultaneously. “I’ll be right here so I show you around the house.” Nicola said, giving her a thumbs up before walking away.
“You seem to know the house well.” Nadia commented as her hand fit snug into Lewis’ hand to wherever he was leading her. “Willow and Kaiden dragged me around the house while you were chatting.” He responded. His hands led her by the shoulders towards the kitchen of the house, a large well lit space that felt like home with a modern touch.
A short woman with white hair was standing by the island, talking to the ever positive Miles. Upon hearing the new footsteps entering the kitchen, the woman turned around and gasped at the sight before her before a smile took over her face. “Hi mum.” Lewis chuckled and in that moment, Nadia’s stomach dropped.
Snapping her head to look at Lewis then his mom, she eventually saw the resemblance between the two and her heart fluttered. She moved to greet Miles with a hug before turning to the older woman. “Mum, I’d like you to meet my wife, Nadia.” He introduced her. The girl took a quick breath before greeting. “Hello, it’s so nice to meet you.” She said softly, being at eye level with the older woman.
Carmen didn’t have to say anything, she quickly embraced Nadia in a hug with a chuckle in between. “My dear, the pleasure’s all mine. Aren’t you the stunner.” His mother smiled, gently placing her hand on Nadia’s cheek. “Is he treating you well?” Carmen continued.
“Like a queen.” Nadia smiled, her attention never moving away from his mom. The two women were so caught up in their conversation that they hadn’t realised that the boys had left the kitchen. “Oh and I brought cinnamon rolls along with other desserts!” Nadia expressed excitedly, walking around the kitchen after offering her help to make charcuterie boards to bring to the set up in the backyard.
“He had mentioned that you made him Macarons, I’d love the recipe or even a baking session one day.” Carmen spoke, adjusting her glasses and in that moment, Nadia felt right at home.
Several hours later, everyone had gotten comfortable in the backyard adorned with fairy lights with the table set up in the garden. Miles and Daniel played basketball in the tennis court tucked behind the garden, their cheers and laughter heard from quite far. Amara, who landed in London a week early for Silverstone was helping Nicola with the music playlist and Nadia was entertaining the kids with giant jenga.
Lewis and his father overlooked the backyard with glasses of juice in their hands, Lewis particularly admiring Nadia with the kids.
“What are you thinking there, son?” Anthony asked. “I love her so much, Dad. It clicked quite some time ago but I don’t know how she feels and that…scares me.” Lewis confessed.
Anthony wasn’t surprised at his son’s words. “Was it Oxford that clicked for you?” He asked Lewis. Releasing a deep breath, Lewis tightened his grip on his glass. “She was telling me about her graduation and I wanted to just tell her that I was there supporting her and cheering for her but I knew I couldn’t tell her.” He sighed.
“You made a good choice, Lewis. That girl does love you and this family. It just took a couple of years.” Anthony chuckled before taking a sip of juice. “Her mother however…She’s got issues and it’s not easy being in-laws with her.” His father revealed.
“Dad, what do you mean?” Lewis raised an eyebrow and his dad let out a sigh. “Thembi hates her daughter and it’s so sad. She sent her back home so that she wouldn’t come back but Nadia being the intelligent girl she is, came back to the uk to be in Oxford and Cambridge. She only really has a relationship with her mom because of her stepdad.”
In that moment, Lewis felt his heart break for Nadia. This entire situation was quite complicated but to hear the dislike between mother and daughter was very hard. “She was gunning for Nadia to get married so that she could make money off of her. Tia, your pr manager, was a genius for taking Nadia before her mother got to her.” He added.
All this information made Lewis’ admiration for her grow even further. He could see that her side of the family wasn’t really there for her but put an excuse that they were just busy with their own lives. Being shaken out of his thoughts by someone tapping on his shoulder, he looked to see Nicola on his right. “Dinner’s ready.” She smiled.
Chatter scattered around the outdoor dinner table as different things were passed around and jokes were flying around. Many different varieties of food were dished out, making sure there was something for everyone. Nicolas arrived a bit later to the dinner, already claiming a soft spot in Nadia’s heart before everyone sat down.
Her manicured hand held her champagne flute as she laughed loudly at Amara’s story telling skills. Flashes would go off from Miles’ camera who wanted to capture every moment of this picturesque dinner. Nadia’s seat was so close to Lewis’ that there was barely any space left, their legs constantly touching and his arm leaning over her chair. Engaged in two different conversations, the couple remained close throughout.
“Aunty Dia! Can we have the cinnamon rolls?” Willow and Kaiden ran up to her seat, escaping their seats from their parents. Immediately scooting her seat back, Nadia gave her attention to the kids who eagerly held paper plates with serviettes on them. “Of course! Do you want them warm or cold?” She asked the kids, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Warm!” Willow shouted out and Kaiden just nodded along. “Okay let me take off my jacket then we’ll go.” She smiled. Turning to Lewis, she spoke. “Baby, can you take my jacket? I’m going to the kitchen with the kids.” She asked, already taking the Louis Vuitton jacket off.
The surprised expression on Lewis was quickly replaced with a smirk. “What’d you call me?” He asked with a teasing tone. Catching on to his antics, Nadia rolled her eyes with a smile. “Baby, thank you for taking my jacket.” She said, leaning in to peck to his lips which he happily took. Finally standing up, she held both the children’s hands to go to the well lit kitchen.
“So. When’s the wedding?” Miles spoke, shoving a macaron into his mouth. “Miles, I’m already married.” Lewis said, adjusting his seating. “The actual wedding, bruv. It’s just heart eyes everytime she does anything.” His friend joked, the whole table joining in and laughing.
“I still have to tell her how I feel.” Lewis chuckled and like clockwork, Amara’s hand smacked the back of his head. “If you don’t tell that woman that you love her, I’ll do it for you.” The woman threatened which garnered even more laughter.
“I wanna do it in the perfect moment. She deserves the world and I want to give that to her, even more later in life. It’s like there’s much more light in my life now that she’s in it, y’know?” Lewis spoke, the whole table admiring the way he spoke about Nadia.
“Well then. We’ll have to make sure this marriage stays protected from the public.” Anthony nodded to his son. Willow’s giggles came closer and closer to the table, her brother and Nadia following suite. “What did I miss?” The woman asked as soon as she plopped down in her seat.
“We were just about to talk about Silverstone, my dear.” Carmen responded, smiling at her daughter in law. “Oh lovely!” Nadia chirped up, scooting her chair closer to Lewis’ with his hand comfortably falling on her thigh.
-
SILVERSTONE
Admittedly so, this track was by far Nadia’s favourite. The paddock was alive, spotting countless people who looked like her (finally) and they donned their Lewis merch. Cameras surrounding her as she walked with her furry companion who seemed to lead the way.
She welcomed everyone who wanted to greet Roscoe and was more surprised at people who wanted to meet her. Race day was undeniably the most busy, people who’ve flown in from different countries just to support her husband. Nadia made sure to update everyone on her instagram throughout her day.
The fan stage was going on and when she heard the loud screams, she knew Lewis stepped on with his giggles through the mic following after. Finally stopping at the Mercedes hospitality, she decided to sit outside to let Roscoe rest from the walk they shared. The family was in their own paddock club suite, patiently waiting for the race. She’d join everyone for the first half of the race then spend the rest of it in the garage.
It all seemed like a good weekend. Seemed.
She really tried her best to be distracted by her phone but her hearing skills were working hard and listened in to the conversation from the group of 4 who were standing right beside the hospitality suite.
“I hate his confidence, he thinks he owns the place!” The one exclaimed.
“Right? It’s all too annoying. He sucks but he doesn’t see that because of his fame. Stupid guy.” Another spoke up.
‘Okay, this could be about any driver.’ Nadia thought.
“Then he comes in her wearing dirty clothes, bringing in his ratchet wife who can’t even dress for the occasion. This isn’t the hood!” There it was. Calmly standing, she called Roscoe and handed him to a worker, making her way to the group. She held her pants, thankfully wearing sneakers.
Nadia hadn’t noticed that Lewis and his teammate were on their way back to the hospitality suite, only one thing was on her mind. She ran her teeth over her grillz before sniffing, making her appearance known to the group.
“Hi, not too sure if you were aware but you’re making an awful lot of noise.” Nadia spoke, a stoic expression on her face. One of them turned to look at Nadia then scoffed.
“What are you going to do about it?” They asked, looking at her up and down with a scowl on her face.
“I’m here to tell you to shut up if you have nothing better to do with your life other than stand here talking about a driver and his wife.” She spoke, tilting her head slightly. “Well, the words write themselves. You look like a thug.” They smirked.
Another chimed in. “If you loved yourself, you wouldn’t look like a clown. Tell that husband of yours to clean up his act on track, there’s a reason why he’s behind all the great.”
“You need to shut the fuck up. Who do you think you guys are?” Nadia began pointing her fingers at them. Unaware of her surroundings, people were recording the whole thing and Lewis was drawing closer to the scene and saw his wife through it all. Miles even came down from the paddock club to see what was going on.
“You will not speak on my husband as if he’s one of your inferiors. I’m not scared of you so you standing here trying your best to intimidate me won’t work.” She continued, her hands clasped in front of her.
“Your mum-“ The main guy couldn’t even finish whatever bullshit he was about to spew before his shirt was grabbed backwards by a security guard, specifically one of Lewis’.
Pointing to his forehead with her nail on her pointer finger. “You better watch your steps after this. You speak on my mom again, you won’t like what happens next.” She lowered her voice to speak to him specifically. “Take your little friend and get the fuck out of here, you pathetic piece of shit.” Nadia clicked her tongue in annoyance.
The security guard dragged him away but his friend still stood there frozen. She stared at him then gave him a fright by stepping forward, the expression on her face never faltering. Nadia turned her heels to walk back to where she was seated, ignoring the eyes on her. Roscoe sat right by her feet again as she picked up her phone.
“Nadia.” She lifted her head up to see her husband standing in front of her, Miles stood behind him doubling over in laughter. “Hi Lewis.” She smiled, an innocent smile taking over her face.
He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” He spoke. Lewis knew that she had a fighting spirit that he never wanted to cross but seeing it being used on other people evoked something else in him.
“Tia will call in a few and talk my ear off but I don’t give a fuck. If anyone thinks they can talk shit about you, I’ll deal with it.” Nadia smiled, showing off her grillz once again. Kissing her once again on the lips, Lewis smiled, incredibly proud of her.
The race was nothing short of exhilarating, nothing could compare to the feeling that she felt watching the screens in the garage. She chose to not have headphones on as she stood next to Anthony, Linda and Nicolas, the camera panning over to her focused gaze on her husband’s car.
Silverstone had an insane atmosphere, the support for Lewis was so strong that she knew it fueled him throughout the race. With five laps left, she knew he had the podium in the bag. Once he crossed the finish line, she screamed and cheered with her in laws, hugs being exchanged with the cheers from Merc employees also filling the atmosphere.
The post race interview after he got out of the car had featured her and his family watching him from the side, all wearing the proud expression on their faces. Nadia’s ‘44’ necklace shining from the little sunshine that Silverstone had to offer. The podium celebration was one for the books, fans surrounding with cheers mainly for the British drivers on the podium.
Even going out of her way to congratulate Lando, her husband followed after with a big grin on his face. Hugging his family first, his touch lingered on Nadia for much longer. “You’re full of sweat, Lew.” She laughed when he wouldn’t let go of her.
All he did was shrug and kiss her forehead. “I gotta go for interviews, see you later?” He spoke, his hand on his hip still quite breathless.
“No problem.” She smiled. “I lo-“ He was interrupted by Miles running to give him a bone crushing hug. Nadia thought she was hearing things but shrug it off watching Lewis celebrate with everyone around him.
imessage!
Rea! <3
saint’s notes 🪩: hope you enjoyed! it also looks a bit odd because it was written in google docs lol
tags: @non-stop-imagines @motheroffae @perfecttrashface @thisismeracing @myescapefromthislife @slytherinjimin3nthusiast @jamie2305 @cocobutterqwueen @like-fire-love-blog @sugardontbesweet @simpfortoomanymen @mauvecherie-writes @queenshikongo3 @eugene-emt-roe @deepgothfiremuffin @18754389 @cherry2stems @anubisnoir @littlelizzies-world @httpsserene @apenasumlug4r @youre-sooooo-funny @eddiesbitch83 @arshiyuh @alika-4466 @peyiswriting @sunfairyy @vsfavs @louvrepool @mistruscity @tian-monique @hopefulromantic1 @exotic-iris13 @yeea-nah @nichmeddar @gg-trini @lifeless-firefly @vellicora @takeoffz-tookoff9876 @serpenttines-library @emjayewrites @royallyprincesslilly @lewisroscoelove @purplelewlew @xoscar03 @kidsol-ar @nothaqks @tremendousstarlighttragedy @ggaslyp1 @henneseyhoe @saturnville
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#saint writes#renaissance: the series#lewis hamilton x black reader#lewis hamilton x oc#lewis hamilton fanfics#lewis hamilton imagine#lewis hamilton fanfic#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton fic#f1 x oc#f1 x you#f1 x black!reader#Spotify
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Gin Akutagawa (self-aware)
Self-Aware! Gin Akutagawa x GN! Reader
Warning: OOC. English is my second language. Yandere. Mentions of (accidental) stalking.
______
Becoming self-aware
_______
🔪 With self-awareness came sorrow and anger. Gin's life was a lie. Ryunosuke's life was a lie. Their world was a lie. A reflection of reality. A fantasy, that was shared with thousands of other people.
🔪 With self-awareness came new routine.
🔪First, Gin got a diary. And each page contain similar text. One page each day. Same sentences, that she wrote first thing in the morning.
"My name is Gin Akutagawa. I have an older brother, Akutagawa Ryunosuke. I am from Port Mafia. I am Battalion Leader of "Black Lizard". I was Paul Verlaine's student. I am a girl. My brother and I lived on the streets, before joining Port Mafia."
Day after day. Page after page. Same forty-four words on every page.
Gin wished, that there were more. But she can't remember anything else about her.
🔪 Days were spent patrolling. Trying to find answers, hope, a way out and other people. Tachihara was her partner during the search. And Gin could see, that normally cocky Tachihara looked lost and desperate.
🔪And, when during one of the patrols, Gin and Tachihara found out, that some people from the Government and Hunting Dogs were also self-aware, Gin saw relief in Tachihara's gaze.
🔪 Gin could ask Tachihara about his strange reaction. But choose not to. All of them were stressed out. Her brother became more ruthless. All of them worked hard. Despite everything, they can't find a way out.
🔪 And Gin tried to stay collected. Emotions won't solve anything. Dreams won't solve anything. Gin was glad, that she stopped dreaming at night.
🔪 And then, one day, Gin felt an entity's gaze on her.
____________
The first "hours" under entity's gaze felt like torture. She wanted to scream, to run, to get her hands on someone, who were watching them.
Someone, who saw their past, emotions, thoughts.
But then "night" came.
And with night came dreams.
Gin saw a person.
A normal person doing normal things. Gin could see herself doing the same things, when she was off-duty.
She saw Real World. She saw Entity.
Gin... didn't want to call them Entity anymore.
At the "morning", instead of her normal text, Gin wrote about, what she has learned during her dream.
She wanted to see one more similar dream.
Dreams came every night.
Gin learned more about real world. About Internet, news, culture, people.
Most importantly, she learned more about Their Reader. About them being happy, when they saw Gin and others. About them liking Gin and others. Everyone of them.
No hate. No sick entertainment.
Just curiosity and happiness.
Gin couldn't hate Their Reader anymore. It would be wrong.
She tried to carefully reassure others about you. She didn't want them to hurt you.
And then, time resets.
And Gin once again were getting ready to ambush ADA office.
__________
When they start feeling your presence
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🔪 Gin could tell, that she wasn't the only one, who had a change of heart. Something in ADA's detectives' eyes showed her, that they also came to like Their Reader.
🔪 Especially after Boss announced, that they will join forces with ADA to get to the Real World. To get to someone.
🔪 Ryunosuke also seems calmer. Gin could see, that, for some reason, he was trying to listen to something Or hear something? Someone?
🔪 Gin quickly learned, what Ryunosuke tried to do. Sometimes, Gin could hear mumbling. She couldn't make out the words, but the tone was familiar.
[//////////] familiar happiness
[//////////] familiar cheering
[//////////] familiar sadness
And one day, Gin heard them clear.
In previous timeline, her brother supposed to be kidnapped. He was fine in this timeline.
In previous timeline she was supposed to sneak on Higuchi.
In this timeline she decided not to do it.
But she heard the voice. Apparently, her actions didn't change, what Reader saw.
"Gin, you are a force to be reconned with. You are so cool. Wish I can be like you."
And something soft touched her cheek.
Gin felt warm and secure.
[In reality, you pet manga page with Gin on it]
__________
🔪 After that, Gin finally could see Little Light. Floating blob of light. Your emotions. In Gin's eyes, the most perfect and treasured thing in entire Real World.
🔪 Gin started training even harder. Ryunosuke and Atsushi weren't enough to protect you. She will step up as your protector.
🔪 Time passed, more people joined their union.
But then, one day, the purple moon shined above Yokohama.
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When you installed BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan
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🔪 Gin didn't wait, before her SSR Cards became available during Limited Scout. She gifted you her cards herself.
"Okay, Gin, let's try to clean all orbs."
"Whoa! We finally finished this floor. All thanks for Gin's attack."
"I wonder if there will be a special image card for you, Gin."
🔪 Gin can't wait to get to the Real World. To know you better, to protect you, to saw everything, Real World can offer.
🔪 And she will never forget her dreams. About real world. About Reader. About their Guiding Light.
___________
You just get your daily rewards, when you got another note. Another Gin SSR card was attached to it.
"[Y/N]. Hope you are doing well. I have been thinking about having a movie night with Ryunosuke. Want to join us? I will choose movie, Ryunosuke will bring snacks. If you want to join, can you, please, bring blankets? We will wait. Gin Akutagawa."
You smiled and opened Character menu, selecting Gin's card. You pet chibi Gin.
"Great idea, Gin. Thank you for the invitation. I would love to join you and Ryunosuke."
You didn't notice, that Gin removed her mask and smiled.
#self-awarebsd#self-awareau#bungou stray dogs au#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd anime#bsd x gender neutral reader#gender neutral reader#gin akutagawa#Self-Aware Gin Akutagawa#bsd gin#gin x reader
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i now present to you my emotions through images
thank you
This is exactly what I was going for, thank you.
#the second image is me writing this thing haha#I am happy you had this collection of emotions#I was hoping for something like this haha#DID YOU ENJOY?!?! I can’t tell lol.#oh & you’re welcome#I think#I mean it’s going to get worse but it’s fine#FIIIIIIIINE :)#liab#ria#ask#gabbitril
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HOW YOUR EMAIL FINDS ME
#literally. re: email from my ex this morning#every day it takes every ounce of mental and emotional strength i have to get my ass out of bed and face the day#today i begin packing to move the fuck out of here#everything fucking hurts and i hate this so much#i'm not feeling brave about any of this#one of the worst things about a breakup is that it damages you for any potential future relationships#in the sense that “how can i ever trust anyone with my heart and my love ever again?”#as if it's not bad enough losing someone you thought would be in your life forever#but the deeply cutting betrayal of finding out that this person you actually trusted with your literal life had led you on FOR YEARS#ESPECIALLY in the sense that this whole scenario is giving me intense flashbacks to the ending of another relationship#that broke me so bad it almost killed me#and it's easy for them to say “i hope you find someone who makes you happy” when they have someone new in their life#if i believed i had prospects for a new romantic relationship then it would be a little easier for me to collect myself & regroup & move on#but i don't think i have it in me to go thru any of this again#and that gives me even more layers of anger and rage and grief#as if it wasn't enough to betray me and break my fucking heart#but it broke me FOR ANY FUTURE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TOO#i know it's not productive for me to think that way#but right now i am fucking drowning in my fucking pain and fucking grief and fucking rage#i wanted stability and love and trust and someone to come home to every night and someone to come home to me every night#i just wanted to love and be loved#i wanted someone who i could call home#I JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED#rage#grief#trauma#edward teach#our flag means death#ofmd
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The universe saw fit to gift my grandmother with a lovely case of covid for Christmas because of course it fucking did, so the past few days have been, uh...
Busy.
#personal#she's not in the hospital- she did end up going to urgent care on the 25th but they sent her home.#she did not TELL US she was going to urgent care we found out via whatsapp from my aunt#who'd been trying to coordinate a family zoom call and was informed by my granddad 'later. we're#at the hospital now'.#why did they not call and ask us to drive given that we live TEN MINUTES AWAY and granddad shouldn't be driving at the best of times?#that i could not tell you. something about 'not wanting to inconvenience-' which is insane#dad and i have been going up to try and get everything we can done for them since then#nana's been granddad's caretaker since he got diagnosed but anyone who's had covid can tell you it takes fucking EVERYTHING out of you#to just fucking walk around. im off work till the 9th thank god so i can be there as often as required but even so...#I have a sense that i should probably be freaking the fuck out but mostly im just... calm? it's not a happy calm idk what emotion this is#but it definitely isn't positive- but im not panicking. i feel like new bad info does not surprise me anymore it's just kind of a grit-your-#teeth-and-adjust-to-handle-shit deal. like. 'mm. god shits in our collective dinner once again. figures.'#there's no point in flying off the handle just figuring out how to fix things. im not happy but im... steady i guess?#im resigned and bitter and optimistic until im given proof not to be but mostly what i am is tired. not physically just-#my brain feels like a wrung out dishcloth. i keep trying to write because i know it'll make me happy if i can but its not working.#i keep writing paragraphs of shit that aren't matching up with what i want and if somebody gives me some meaningless platitude about#how maybe it's a sign it should be there and to try and incorporate it ill rip their face off. shut. up.
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geto having a cute little non-sorcerer wife that he swears he hates.
he only marries you for your father’s riches, and so when you arrive on his doorstep he leaves the maids to tell you where you’ll be staying; the room furthest from his own.
you’ve been instructed not to so much as look at him, but he finds that he hardly sees you, anyway. you’re more like a ghost that haunts the manor than his wife.
most of the time he’ll happen to pass you sat alone in the garden, dressed in pretty kimonos that have most definitely been suited to his tastes. he hardly speaks to you, the only time he has was when the two of you had accidentally bumped into each other when turning a corner.
“watch it, monkey,” he had hissed, before continuing on with his day. he later found himself thinking on the nervous expression and faint embarrassed blush that had adorned your face. he had been tempted to smash his head against the wall to rid himself of the memory, as it plagued him the entire evening.
your father starts visiting and he has the basic decency to at least pretend as though he loves you. it results in awkward proximity and unloving kisses to your forehead, at least until your father leaves.
for some time, geto’s not entirely sure as to why you play along. you could go to your father and ask to leave this loveless marriage, could you not? then it dawns on him; your father doesn’t care, and you already know that. geto doesn’t like how a tiny part of his chest aches when he thinks too hard about that fact.
it’s not as though he leaves you locked up in some basement, withering away. you’re allowed to explore most of the manor, most of your needs can be met by asking the maids and very rarely he will permit you to visit the nearby town marketplace with some guards.
he starts seeing you more. he’ll sometimes find himself out in the garden, pretending that he has any business outside other than to keep an eye on you. he’ll never admit it, but it can sometimes calm him down, just watching you go about your day. to him it’s like watching a pet trot about, not realising their owner is watching with keen eyes. you’re still just a useless monkey, of course.
one day he discovers you crying in the garden you love so much. he’s never seen you cry before, hell, he’s hardly seen any emotions on you.
“what happened?” he finds himself asking before he can stop. you jump in your seat, not having expected him to be beside you.
“nothing, really,” you say, your voice still shaky and your hand wiping away at drying tears, “i’m sorry to have bothered you.”
he frowns, his patience quickly wearing thin. “tell me, now. what happened?”
you sigh, and some part of him can’t help but note how pretty your eyes look, despite the redness around them. he pushes the thought out before it can properly settle.
“my father sent me a letter,” you confess. “he’s… not happy with me.”
he steps closer to you. “why?”
you hesitate, your mouth opening and closing, but the expression he wears has you telling the truth.
“he wishes that i was pregnant with your child. i have told him that i am not, and never will be, and he… well, he’s not happy.”
suguru raises an eyebrow. “never will be… ?”
you blush, looking to the floor. “i know that you hate me. it may be easier for you to have a child with another.”
he scoffs.
“i don’t-“ geto pauses himself. “do you really think i’m the type of man to have a bastard with some whore?”
“w-well, no, but-“
“do you wish to stay married to me?”
you gulp. “no. i don’t.”
he pauses for a moment, seemingly considering something.
“if you give me a child, i’ll allow you to leave. you’ll still be married to me in name, but you won’t have to stay here, and you won’t be tethered to your father.”
your jaw drops for a moment, and then you collect yourself. “will i be able to see the child after i give birth?”
“sometimes,” he tells you. in reality, he doubt he’d ever let you near them, but you don’t need to know that.
“… okay.”
he finds it harder to convince himself that he hates everything about you when he has you beneath him, your ankles on his broad shoulders and your hands pressing against his back. he can’t help but fuck you even faster when hearing you whine and mewl. he wants to lick the expression you have off of your face, but refuses to indulge in the idea.
“su-su-suguru!” you cry. he stills inside you for just a moment. it’s the first time he’s ever heard you say his name. he was beginning to think you had forgotten it.
he grabs onto your wrists with one hand, pressing them above your head and manhandling you into another position, one in which he can somehow go even deeper than before.
he chuckles, low and raspy, “stupid fucking monkey…”
he’s starting to wonder if maybe he needs two kids. maybe four? hm. maybe you do have your usefulness. maybe he shouldn’t let you go, after all.
#i know this is ooc but idgaf#forgive me i haven’t watched jjk s2 and i barely remember geto but he’s hot so idc if it’s so ooc#allow me to dream#yandere geto suguru#tw yandere#tw.yandere#yandere#yanderecore#yandere jjk#yandere getou#yandere suguru geto#yandere getou suguru#geto smut#jjk smut#tw forced marriage#tw smut
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☾ .⭒˚ heartstring symphony ♡ xavier x afab reader
⋆.˚ ☾ pairing: xavier x afab!reader (very fem!reader)
☾ .⭒˚ genre: smut, pwp, pwf (so so so sooo many feelings like a whole ocean of feelings)
⋆.˚ ☾ word count: 10.1k (oh lawd)
☾ .⭒˚ content warning: mdni, tiny reference/spoiler to chapter 4 of the main story (grandma and caleb), references to xavier/overall lads lore, first time sex (not virginity loss), explicit sexual content, pure pure filth but also so fluffy and emotional, unprotected sex, oral sex (f!receiving and m!receiving), lots of making out, pussy job, finger fucking, tongue fucking, cum as lube, references to xavier’s evol, slight use of y/n, switch!xavier, slight predator/prey play, somewhat vanilla
⋆.˚ ☾ video link: not necessary to watch in order to read and enjoy, but i highly recommending watching the memory for context and a visual for the fic! https://youtu.be/U-OanLwbSVE?si=Um0NFib7gQOTGrLq
☾ .⭒˚ a/n: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY BABIESSSSS COME GET YOUR FOOD. oof this one is a doozy. based off the memory ‘heartstring symphony’ with xavier, there’s a lot of small changes to the progression and the dialogue, but its largely on par with the original memory! there’s a lot of ‘plot’ building as this memory is a bit long and i really wanted to incorporate parts from the beginning, middle, and end so i ended up needing to write for the entire thing. the build up is kinda important to the smut but you can definitely still just skip to the smut (ya filthy hoes)!!
100% dedicated to my bestie who is the downest baddest bitch for xavier!
⋆.˚ ☾ 18+ only ☾ .⭒˚ minors dni ⋆.˚ ☾ 18+ only ☾ .⭒˚ minors dni ⋆.˚ ☾
The sunlight bounces off the sheen of the strawberries that are finally ripening enough to eat. It’d been months since Xavier and you had started your quaint little rooftop garden atop his balcony, and your collective dedicated gardening was finally rewarded with the most beautiful crimson strawberries you’d ever seen. Having been tasked with tending to his house plants on his sudden trip away, you found yourself spending a lot of time with the strawberries on Xavier’s apartment’s balcony.
"But even though you’re bearing fruit, your owner isn’t here,” you murmur sadly, stroking the slightly sticky skin of the berries. Okay sure, you were undoubtedly projecting your own feelings onto the poor little strawberries, but who could blame you? It’d been ten days since Xavier had suddenly left town and similarly ten days since he’d responded to any of your text messages or returned any phone calls.
And dammit, you missed him. Missed his deep groggy voice when he’d pick up your phone calls at 11 am asking if he’d had breakfast yet, his bewildered face when you’d barge into his apartment demanding that he take you to play crane games, the way he’d pretend not to notice when you swapped hands during kitty cards. Ever since you’d first met the enigmatic hunter in the abandoned protocore research base on your first mission as an official hunter, you found both your night and day dreams being filled with the thought of him.
You’d even missed him enough to send a few regrettable late night texts, confessing just that. At 4am. You groaned inwardly at the embarrassment of recalling your deleted messages. Really, no one should be allowed to send any text messages after 1am. Least of all you, who had so many confusing unresolved feelings for the silver haired man in question.
The sound of keys jingling a door open snaps you out of your thoughts. Your heart pounded, he was finally home! Excitedly, you scrambled back into Xavier’s apartment, to be met with the sight of him struggling to remove his uniform top. The sight of his sculpted torso on display before you like an absolute art piece, had you freezing in your tracks, cheeks heating at the glorious site before you. Xavier also froze, his cerulean eyes locking with yours in surprise.
"You’re…here?” His voice was as warm as you'd remembered, the sound of it forever etched in your mind. But it sounded too soft, tired. Exhausted even.
"Y-yeah…the weather was good today and I wanted to check on the strawberries,” you attempted to remain calm and collected, turning around to stop from staring at his exposed stomach. But the plethora of injuries on his pale skin caught your eye. Instantly, you were at his side, inspecting him and assessing his scars.
“...You got hurt?!” Your heart hammered anxiously in your chest as you reached to touch him. He peered down at you guiltily, pulling his top back down to cover the scars. He gently pried your hands away from his abdomen, letting his fingers linger on your skin far longer than he’d needed to, the touch not going unnoticed by you.
"It’s nothing, let me go get changed,” Xavier finally released your wrists and left you to wait on the couch for him. You felt on edge, waiting impatiently, feet tapping anxiously against the carpet. Xavier finally reemerges from his room in a fresh set of indoor clothes, a ribbed white long sleeve and gray sweatpant joggers. You’d seen him in this exact outfit many times, but suddenly the way his sweatpants sat against his lap made your mind wander, but you shake the filthy thoughts out of your head. When he finally sits down next to you, you can’t help but fret over him, grabbing his arm to inspect his complexion.
"You went missing, and now you return all beaten up…why do you always make me worry?” You reprimanded, pouting slightly, "You’re wounded aren't you? Does it hurt?” Your fingers ghost over the bruises on his forearm, the veins there protruding slightly amongst the bulging muscles. Xavier only turns away, unwilling to meet your gaze, but still leaving his arm in your lap.
His refusal to answer only makes you more desperate for reassurance that he’s alright. You try to lift his shirt, but he uses his free hand to grip your wrist, stopping you. You don’t notice the way he blushes at your touch.
"It’s nothing, just some minor scrapes.” While the mere sound of his voice does wonders to soothe your swimming mind, it does nothing to quell the anxiety you have over his well being. Over where he’d been these last ten days. With not so much as a single text message to let you know he was okay, safe. That’s all you had wanted, to know he was safe.
"I think your definition of scrape and my definition differ greatly,” you mutter sulkily, trying to get him to meet your eyes. When he doesn’t, you take his face in your two hands, forcing him to level with you. His cheeks tinge a peachy red under your palms, his normally slow and controlled breath rapidly increasing at your touch.
"If your wounds aren’t treated they could get worse, get infected, and even become life-threatening,” you murmur, almost threatening him, unable to stop the worry from lacing into your words. You can tell he feels guilty, his eyes opting to stare at your shoulder instead of your eyes, “...this is nothing. I’m used to letting them heal without much thought.”
This does nothing to make you feel better, if anything it makes you feel worse, and you’re unwilling to relent, "The past is the past. This is the present.”
His eyes finally peer into your own, meeting your stubborn gaze. His deep blue orbs are intense, searching for something within your own. While his voice is deep, tired, undoubtedly exhausted, you can still sense the longing heat in them. He sighs, finally caving into your whims, "Alright. So, what do you want me to do?”
And so you find yourself in Xavier’s dimly lit living room, a first aid kit on your lap, and Xavier shirtless in front of you. You try to ignore the fact that he’s very much half naked in front of you, his joggers sitting dangerously low on his waist. So much so that you can definitely see the indentation of his obliques forming a tight ‘v’. It was enough to turn your brain into mush, but you fought those intrusive thoughts away so you could tend to his injuries.
Taking a deep breath to try and calm your raging nerves, you start, "Is there a spot that hurts the most? Or is really sensitive? I’ll try to be extra gentle when I apply the ointment.” Your eyes linger on the way his collar bones frame the muscles on his chest, the skin there pure and untouched from the dark bruises forming on Xavier’s shoulder and abs. You bite your lip to withhold the shiver threatening to overtake you at the image of Xavier in all his muscular glory before you. His gentle voice brings you out of your filthy reverie.
"My neck.”
"Hmm?” Your eyes snap to his, cheeks flaming when you realize he’d caught you staring. He smiles gently, but thankfully doesn’t tease you.
"The most sensitive part of my body is my neck,” he says again, his words almost threatening to make you unleash the shiver you were holding back. Refusing to let your mind wander more, you lean forward and begin carefully cleaning the wound that’s etched onto the muscles that connect his shoulders to his neck. While you wipe the cut with one hand, you use your other hand to rub comforting circles around the red skin surrounding it, hoping to ease the stinging.
Xavier groans, his voice husky and drawn out. You can’t help but wonder what that sound would feel like under a different circumstance, but repress those thoughts deep deep down.
"Does it hurt a lot?” You keep your eyes glued to the irritated skin, lightening the pressure at which you’re pressing down, not wanting him to feel any semblance of pain, ever.
"Kind of.” Xavier’s response is clouded in ambiguity, leaving you confused as to what he wants to say. Before you can press him further he speaks again, "I appreciate you looking after things while I was gone.”
You sigh at his persistent nonchalance, as if he hadn’t just up and disappeared and come back beaten and bruised. You knew him well enough to know he’s not planning on telling you what had happened to injure him like this or why he had to leave town in the first place.
Feeling childish, you decide two can play at that game, "You don’t need to thank me. Neighbors should always look out for each other.” You force down the inexplicable emotions stirring inside of you that threaten to spill into your voice, continuing to tend to the cuts on his neck.
He doesn’t respond and the room becomes suffocatingly quiet. Swapping the alcohol wipe for the ointment, you briefly peer up to find Xavier staring at you with his intense blue eyes. You stubbornly refuse to waver from his stare, but he remains silent.
"What? If you have something to say, say it,” you demand, a bit snappishly, unable to contain the hurt you felt at his repeated silence, both now but also on his days away.
Xavier remains gentle even at your abrasiveness, "You’re really close to me. All I can do is look at you.” Despite yourself, you blush at his words, chest tightening. He keeps his eyes on yours and you can’t help but squirm under his emotion clouded blue eyes, though you couldn’t decipher exactly which emotion swam through them.
The silence envelopes the air once more as you refuse to speak. Xavier speaks up again, his voice low and almost sad, "Are you angry with me?”
Your heart cracks at the vulnerability in his voice, but you can’t seem to let go of your own peeved feelings, "Why would I be? We’re just acquaintances who happen to be neighbors.” You know you’re being unfair, but you can’t help but feel as if you deserve some kind of explanation. You cared about him, far more than he probably knew, and he just up and disappeared without a trace for ten days. And to top it all off, he came back looking like this.
"Are the other neighbors like us?” Though his words are simple, you can’t help but wonder if Xavier is intending to say something else under the veil of those words.
No, you supposed to yourself, other neighbors probably did not feel the least bit in the way you felt for Xavier. Your hands tremble at the thoughts you can’t seem to push away, and you accidentally press a bit too deeply as you apply the ointment. Xavier winces, his eyes finally unfocussing from yours and his brows furrowed in discomfort.
Instantly you feel bad for being even the least bit annoyed with him. Your voice is much gentler now, almost apologetic, "Was I too rough? You're…does it hurt a lot?”
Xavier smiles reassuringly at you, so warm and gentle despite your attitude and the undeniable pain of his injuries, your stomach can’t help but flutter at him, "Sort of, but I'm alright.”
"That’s good,” is all you can sheepishly say as you find yourself lost in his expression.
"Maybe the pain is so intense that I can’t feel anything,” Xavier is smiling so you know he’s teasing you but you can’t help but feel incredibly guilty.
"Really? I didn’t mean to…”
The look he gives you is enough to shut you up. Though he doesn’t say anything, his facial expression makes you wonder what exactly is going on in his mind. Finally he speaks up, "It’s okay. I forgive you, and in exchange you’re not allowed to be angry at me anymore.”
"I told you that I wasn’t angry,” you sigh, "Stay still. I’m going to apply the bandage.” Xavier smiles and nods, straightening his posture obediently. You want to tease him, but instead diligently apply a bit of gauze to his neck and adhere it with some medical tape.
Satisfied with your handiwork, you smile smugly, "All done. Keep your wounds away from water and avoid eating spicy food for the next few days.” Xavier mumbles something unintelligible under his breath, and when you look at him his head is bowed down so low you can’t even see his eyes. Before you know it, he’s collapsing in your arms, completely passed out.
"X-Xavier?!” You catch him easily, but his unconscious weight holds you down. Xavier only murmurs groggily at your words. You can’t help but smile and rub his bare back adoringly. His skin is soft, and warm to the touch. You relish in the feel of his skin against yours and his presence enveloping you, having truly missed him so much.
"Poor baby,” you sigh, contemplating on how you’ll be able to carry him to his bed.
With great effort, you’re able to haul Xavier to his bedroom. As you bend down to lay him on his mattress, you trip over his feet. With his arms tangled in yours like a little koala holding on for dear like, you tumble onto the bed with him. You flop onto his mattress, and his arms tighten around you, locking you in place, tucked into his chest. You move to push him off you, but instead you accidentally graze his wrapped neck.
Xavier moans, still deep in sleep, and his lip pouts as he grips you even tighter. You sigh in defeat at how content he looks with his arms wrapped around you, with his bottom lip sticking out slightly. You can’t help but admire Xavier’s sleeping face, his long eyelashes tickling against your cheek. It’s not long before you find yourself being lulled to sleep by the warmth of his strong arms and the slow beating of his heart against yours.
–
You awaken to Xavier tucking you into his blanket, his movements gentle as to not wake you. Your breath hitches but you do your best to pretend to still be sleeping, unable to face him in this compromising situation. With any luck, Xavier would get out of bed and you could pretend to wake up when he wasn’t so intimidatingly close to you.
But instead of getting up, Xavier only lays back down beside you, nuzzling into your side. Your heart races at the affection, biting your lip to keep from making any noise. His body heat against your own threatens to unleash a shiver of satisfaction across your body, but you force it back so as to not alert him that you are in fact awake.
Xavier is so unbelievably close, you can feel his breath fanning against your exposed neck and his fingers stroking your palm. Unable to withstand the suffocating tension, you pretend to wake up, feigning a yawn as you flutter your eyes open. You come face to face with Xavier, his eyes, still groggy with sleep, analyzing your every movement. His gaze falls lower, seemingly watching your lips part with the steady inhale and exhale of your bated breath.
You squirm, trying to dissipate the tension, remembering to keep your voice groggy, "Are you still tired? It’s not morning anymore, so maybe we should start thinking about what to eat.”
"You’re resting on my arm. I can’t move. At all.” You jolt upwards, and Xavier retracts his arm, rubbing the tender muscles, no doubt they’d fallen asleep, up and down. You hid your blush underneath your hair, unsure of what to do next. You became hyper aware of the fact that you sat in Xavier’s bed, with him. And he was so very shirtless.
Luckily Xavier speaks so you don’t have to, "I saw your texts from yesterday saying you were having trouble falling asleep. Did you sleep well?”
"It was pretty good,” you answered earnestly, genuinely feeling more well rested than you had in weeks, but then your heart stuttered, "W-wait, you saw the message I deleted yesterday?!”
"Yeah, I did. But I'm pretty sure it was a small peek,” his gentle smile changes to one of a teasing grin, "Xavier, if you don’t respond, I'm going to eat all the strawberries. All of them.” He raises the octave in his voice to mock you. To say you’re mortified would be an extreme understatement.
Trying to deflect from the fact that he’d in fact seen your embarrassing late night texts, you counter, "But I didn’t. I saved you a small bowl!”
He continues, deadset on his mission to embarrass the hell out of you, his grin radiant enough to stop your heart. Which you might actually prefer to the sheer embarrassment of being called out like this, "The moment I think about you being somewhere else annoys me to the point where I can’t sleep at all.”
You feel like a deer caught in the headlights, utterly defensive, "Well, of course! You can’t just ask someone to look after your stuff and then ghost them. If that’s not being unreasonable then I don’t know what is!”
Xavier glances at you, his voice calm but his eyes holding inexplicable emotions that you cannot decipher, "Oh, and there's one text that I can't forget.” You hold your breath, already knowing which one it is. Undoubtedly the worst, most incriminating one of them all.
"I think I miss you.” Groaning, you cover your eyes with your hands and fall back against the bed. Xavier laughs, propping up on his side to face you, his fingers brushing some stray strands of hair away from your cheek, hooking them behind your ear.
“...you saw every message!” You accused, peeking at him through the cracks of your fingers still covering your eyes. But did not respond to any of them, you want to add, but hold yourself back.
His expression is that of pure innocence, "I was going to reply to them, but then I got caught up in something. And you deleted them a second later. I could only pretend that I didn’t see anything.” And then slowly, almost painfully, he adds, "Maybe those messages weren't meant for me.”
Despite your burning embarrassment, you couldn’t possibly let Xavier think those thoughts were for anyone but him. The flicker of dejection in his eyes is enough to have you spilling out the truth, “...okay, I didn’t send them to the wrong person!” Your cheeks burn and you’re sure you look just as red as one of the strawberries on the balcony. You prop up on your own side to face him, "I missed you. But that’s not the point!” Your lips jut out to pout at him, feeling like an attention-seeking toddler that had gotten caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
Xavier, the relief and longing palpable in his eyes, reaches his free arm out to cup your cheek in his palm, "And I missed you too.” His voice is low, nothing more than a whisper, making your breath catch in your throat.
His thumb brushes across the corner of your lip, "Unbearably so.” His intimate touch literally rewires your brain, making you throw all inhibitions out the window. The tidal wave of emotions you’d had on a tight leash, floods through the dam. Unable to control yourself, you firmly push him down on the bed and straddle him, making sure to avoid any of the bruises on his abdomen.
"Why did you leave me?!” You whine, surprising Xavier and even yourself with your assertiveness. He rests his hands atop your thighs, as they cage him beneath you. His body is warm under your own, and you feel the heat manifesting in your gut at the intimate closeness of your bodies.
His surprised expression is quickly replaced with one of cool and calm, despite the fact that you were literally on top of him like he’d secretly imagined several times before, "Why are you so worried about me?”
“...When there are bad people and wanderers out there, of course I'll be worried about you,” your voice softens at the very thought. The emotions coursing through you make your voice waver, no matter how hard you try to steel yourself.
Xavier smiles warmly at you, his hands wandering upwards to your waist and then to your lower back. You’re acutely aware of his hands on you and it causes your confidence to tremor, your stomach bubbling in anticipation at his touch.
"And yet, you’re way more dangerous than any wanderer could be,” his voice is throaty, tinged with need and desire and his eyes find your lips once more.
"This is different. I would never hurt you,” you counter, your hands resting against his broad chest. Confidence returning ever so slightly, you dust your fingers against his delicate skin. You come close to his nipples, but narrowly and intentionally miss them. Xavier’s hands on your back grip harder, not enough to hurt but enough to leave you breathless and wanting more. You can feel him squirm beneath you, eyes pleading with yours. For what, you’re unsure.
"Yes, but I don’t have the strength to resist you at the moment.” Xavier’s voice is nothing more than a whisper, has hands digging further into the sensitive skin of your lower back. You writhe on top of him, to which he lets out a faint moan, just barely audible in the crackling air around you.
Your voice is but a rasping murmur, as you throw caution to the wind, giving into all the inexplicable emotions your heart held for the man beneath you. At your mercy, "Then…don’t.”
At your words, Xavier pushes you down towards him with the hands he had on your back. You offer no resistance, fully letting him guide your face to his own. And like you’d day dreamed so many times before, Xavier takes your lips into his. Softly, reverently, but so hungrily.
Your fingers entangle in his pale locks, gripping gently as his lips mold perfectly against yours. You sigh into his mouth as your breaths merge together. You breathe him in, basking in his radiance, all around you. Xavier’s hands leave your back to hold the plush of your thighs, kneading softly but so possessively. Your thighs clench around his hard torso, and you can’t help but rock yourself into him until you are resting on his lap, on his crotch. His hands tighten on your thighs, the grip a clear message, a wordless command for you to behave.
His tongue caresses your lips, a silent request for entry. You obediently part them, allowing him access to every part of you. When his tongue ghosts against yours for the very first time, you moan so deep and pleadingly that you can feel Xavier’s smile against your lips. His hands wander up and down your back again mapping out all the ridges of your spine against your thin shirt.
You’d imagined kissing Xavier for the first time, many many times, but none of those silly little daydreams could amount to this. Your imagination paled in comparison to the real thing, so willing, pliant, and tender underneath you. Ready to do anything to serve you.
You finally pull away, gasping for air but only craving his breath against yours again, you can’t help but ask meekly, "Is this okay?”
You can see the answer in Xavier’s eyes, but he responds still, "More than okay. Is it okay for you?”
Breathlessly, you trail your thumb across his bottom lip and mirror his words, "More than okay.” You’re suddenly hit with the reminder of just how much Xavier had you worrying these past few days. Feeling mischievous, you stare down at him, face flushed pink and lips swollen with saliva. Your fingers trail down his cheek, careful not to touch his sensitive neck, and onto his chest, "I should teach you a lesson so you never make me worry like that again.”
Between his breathless pants, he’s intrigued, “...what do you want?” His hands flit to the waistband of your pants, playing with the material and letting his fingers brush against the skin of your waist. You hold back a tremble, and instead of answering him, you decide to just show him. Dragging your fingers across his muscular chest, you let your thumbs brush against his hardening nipples. Xavier’s sharp inhale is immediate and you feel him clench his hands against your hips. You lean your face down to trail a path of small kisses down his chest, over his bruises, all the way to his naval.
You can feel him trembling beneath your every touch as he grinds out, "Is this my punishment?” His hand reaches up to weave his fingers through your hair, collecting the pieces that fall to your eyes as you bend down to kiss his skin.
Grinning, you sit back up, taking his cheeks in between your fingers and squish. You can never help but to tease Xavier, his adorable reactions always leaving you wanting more. You release his face from your hold, only for him to mirror your actions right back at you. His fingers are delectably rough as they grip your chin.
"I can do that too. Like this.” His face is so full of amusement, making you want to retaliate further. So you let your hands wander back up his chest, slowly moving to wrap around his neck. You see Xavier’s eyes widen in surprise as your fingers delicately tickle the sides of his neck, feeling his pulse race beneath them. As your nails flicker across the sensitive skin of his neck, Xavier lets out a groan that sounds suspiciously like a whimper.
"Ahh, please,” he whines. You notice that his hands have slipped under your shirt now, but not venturing upwards, ever the gentleman.
You giggle at his vulnerability, "You’re injured and don’t know how to take care of yourself,” you hand ventures from Xavier’s neck to hold his face in between your fingers again, "You’re like a helpless animal about to be eaten.” Your voice is a teasing coo, and you bend down slowly, torturously grinding your core along his crotch. He hisses again, fingers digging into your bare skin as if hoping to slow you down. But instead, you lean into the crook of where his neck meets his shoulder, on the side that’s uninjured, and press a barely there kiss into the skin. Even at the faintest touch along his neck, Xavier groans and presses his lower half harder into you. To stop your own moans, and maintain the upper hand, you bite into Xavier’s neck. He swears and his fingers crush into your sides, and you squeal into his neck but your lips stay latched.
His skin is so sweet between the gentle teasing of your teeth, his pheromones invading all your senses. As you suckle on the sensitive skin there, you continue to rock your lower half against him, pleasantly surprised at the feel of his bulging erection against you. Your filthy day dreams of him paled in comparison to the sheer girth of what sat beneath you now.
"You’re not worried about me – hah, retaliating?” But you ignore him, instead relishing in the sound of his pants in response to your touch. Never in your wildest dreams did you imagine Xavier would be this reactive.
He continues his delectable moans at your ear, "H-hah, fuck – w-wait. Love please,” your core clenches at the endearment and you detach yourself from Xavier’s neck, a flushed bruise starting to form where your lips previously sat. Xavier hardens further at your disheveled sight. Lips red, swollen, and shiny with saliva, cheeks flushed a beautiful shade of red, eyes hazy with lust. He was fighting from coming undone at the sight alone.
"Wh-what? Is this not okay?” You pause, worrying you had crossed a boundary, but you can’t help the gentle and uncontrollable tremors your core makes against his crotch, almost like the aftershock of an earthquake. He groans in response, his head falling back deeper into the pillow as his eyes clenched shut.
His big hands squeeze your thighs reassuringly, and his right palm reaches up to cup your cheek. You lean into his touch, savoring the feel of his warm and protective hand against your flushed cheek. He repeats his words from earlier, "It’s more than okay. You don’t know how long I've waited to have you like this.” His words are filled with a vast expanse of emotions, but one you can make out is indescribable and utter love. Like he’d been waiting an eternity for you to fall into place in his life.
His hands trails down to play with the buttons on your top, fingers grazing the exposed skin on your chest. You shiver as he says, "But I want — I need to savor this moment with you.”
In that moment you think about the way your heart has always throbbed at the thought of Xavier. You think you’ve loved him for a while, it always felt like your life was destined to intertwine with his, in unexplainable ways. You’d long given up on fate, especially after caleb and grandma. But looking at the azure eyed man beneath you, you couldn’t help but think that that very fate had brought you two here today. So when you intertwine your fingers with his hand that toys with unbuttoning your top and bring your joined palms up against your heart, you don’t hesitate to confess, "You have me, forever.”
At your declaration, the expression on Xavier’s face is a haze of inexplicable emotions. With the faintest sliver of hesitation and something that sounds an awful like sorrow he finally murmurs, "And you’ve had me, forever.”
Unable to withstand the intensity of his longing stare and the weight of his words, you dip back down to capture his lips with yours, returning his heavy words with an equally passionate kiss. Your hands move to stroke up and down his naked chest, before landing on his neck, using your thumb to feel the thrumming of his unusually erratic pulse. With your free hand you encourage his fingers that fiddle with the buttons of your blouse, urging him to undo the confines. You can tell Xavier is holding back, likely doing his best to tread the fine line between careful respect for you and losing all control.
Reluctantly, you withdraw from him, whispering through your gasps, "Xavier…please. I want this. I want you.”
His eyes are misted with lust and adoration, his body stiffening even further. His voice is as deep as you’ve ever heard it, "Are you sure Y/N? You have to be sure. I-I'm scared I won’t be able to stop.”
Softly, you use your fingers to trace over the hickey you’ve left behind on his neck. His breath catches and you can see the control slipping from his grasp. Slowly, you bring your fingers to unbutton your blouse yourself. Painfully slow, each finger taking its time to unlatch each enclosure, and you murmur, "I won’t want you to stop.”
His eyes are locked on you, as you slip the blouse off your shoulders, leaving you in your white satin bra. His jaw tightens at the sight of you and he grabs your thighs, "Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” And with those words, Xavier’s thick arms are lifting you into the air and throwing you gently underneath him. In a flash, his heavy body is on top of yours, your legs parted to accommodate his unbelievably built stature. You squeal in surprise at his dominance, the sound cutting through the thick sexual tension in the air. Xavier smiles down at you, the dangerous glint in his eyes making heat flare between your legs. The slick forming in between your folds is unmistakable and you bite your lip to keep the moans at bay.
"Am I still a helpless animal? Since you seem to know everything, you should enlighten me.” The deep purr in his voice edges on a primal growl, like a predator with its prey between its claws. It’s enough to have you submitting to his every whim. How quickly Xavier has turned the tables on you, his hand now gently pressed against your own neck, has rendered you a stuttering dripping mess.
"X-Xavier…”
But he silences you, placing his index finger over your lips, his other hand moving downwards to stroke the soft satin of your bra, his fingers flitting dangerously close to the skin of the swell of your breasts, "When faced with a hunter that knows my weakness and how to take advantage of them, is there anything I can do?” You’ve never heard Xavier so threateningly dominating, so demanding. It leaves you utterly speechless, your previous upper hand gone completely.
"Perhaps I should teach you a lesson.”
You shudder at his words. His hands reach under your back to unhook your bra and you arch off the bed to allow him to slip it off effortlessly. Fully exposed before him, Xavier’s eyes burn with such intense heat it intimidates you, so you instinctively cover your breasts. Xavier doesn’t speak, instead dipping his head down to trail delicate kisses along your arms, leaving a path of goosebumps in his wake. Your breath comes out in shallow pants as he gently pries your arms away, and presses an open mouthed kiss to the swell atop your right breast.
You shiver uncontrollably under his warm lips, needing more friction, "P-please Xavier.”
Xavier’s wide grin is uncontainable, "Look who’s the helpless animal now?” But despite his teasing, Xavier indulges your pleas, capturing your nipple in his warm and waiting mouth. You’re unable to stop the gasp that tumbles out of your lips, your body arching off the bed only to be met with Xavier’s heavy body pressing you back down. Xavier’s muffled moans against your sensitive skin send your eyes into the back of your skull. As the pleasure threatens to overtake your melting mind, you press your dampening crotch into his erection even further trying to gain more friction. He groans, deep and hoarse, making you peer down at your chest and at him. Your eyes meet.
The eye contact as he devours you is enough for your climax to start creeping in, your hand wedging between the two of you to grasp his cock through his sweatpants. Your hands are met with the alarming dampness of his pre cum seeping through the gray fabric that frames his bulging erection. You bite your lip at the sheer mass you hold in your hands, your fingers tracing just how thick he was.
Xavier’s tongue continues to flick along your nipple as your hand slowly makes its way under his waistband and under his boxer briefs. With his pubic hair tickling your palm, you brush your fingers against his thick erection. Your touch earns your breast a harsh nip which causes you to cry out. The pleasure and pain is so blinding you find yourself needing to grip onto his cock just to keep succumbing to your impending orgasm, rooting you to reality.
"H-hah, Y/N, please…ah, not so tight please,” Xavier’s voice is a desperate whine, as he pants against the swell of your breast. At his urging you release his manhood from your grip ever so slightly, but keep it trapped in your palm, your hand has a mind of its own, unable to stop from stroking his length up and down, brushing against the single bulging vein alongside it. He leaks so much pre cum that it feels like he’s already pumped his release all over himself. You collect it all, using it to fist his cock in your hands while he ravages your breasts.
"You’re, hah, making me ruin my pants love,” Xavier pants against you, descending upon your body until you’re forced to release him, much to your dismay. He slots his lips in the valley of your breasts, leaving a trail of wet kisses slowly down your body. When he reaches your belly button, his hands reach to remove your pants and panties in one fell swoop. The cold air nips at your exposed core, as Xavier removes the tangle of clothing from your limbs
Completely exposed before him, Xavier rakes his eyes all over your bare body, admiring every inch of you and breathes out a single word, "Beautiful.” You blush under his gaze and you clasp your thighs tight in an attempt to hide but Xavier keeps your legs open, his grip tight on your knees. With his eyes locked on yours, he guides your calves onto his shoulders, careful to avoid his bandages. You feel nervous as he comes face to face with your undoubtedly soaking cunt, and to your utter embarrassment he notices it too.
"You’re so wet already. Is this all for me?” While his words are teasing, his tone is earnest, almost in awe.
"W-wait Xavier, you’re injured. I don’t want you to strain yourself. L-let me–”
His eyebrows arch at you, "You said I should stay away from spicy foods, you never said anything about this. Let me enjoy myself.” Without letting you protest any further, he lowers his face onto your waiting cunt, his mouth unbelievably warm against your own burning core. You cry out, your back arching to the point it feels as if it may snap. With your legs on Xavier’s shoulders, your lower half is elevated nearly a foot off the bed, his hands on your thighs supporting your entire body.
Xavier’s tongue is fervent and attentive. He explores every inch of you, mapping out which areas make you sing with the most pleasure. His tongue alternates between dipping in and out of your entrance and caressing your clit while his hands move to prop you up by your ass. As he feasts on you, his hands knead the fat of your rear.
"X-Xavier please. So so s’good,” you wail, hands digging deep into his comforter, wishing your hands could reach his hair, his face, anything. Your clit feels like it might explode in pure ecstasy under Xavier’s tongue, making you unable to control your mouth. Your words make him harden impossibly more, still restrained in his soaked sweatpants. He groans into your core, the vibrations intensifying your pleasure. You can feel your orgasm racing towards you, which makes your thighs tremble around his face. Suddenly, he stops and lifts his head. You whine at the loss of his tongue and the disruption of your climax, almost collapsing into the bed if it wasn’t for his strong arms supporting you.
"Can I put a finger in?” His eyes are pleading, as if he’s worried you might deny him.
Your head bobs eagerly, and you have to hold yourself back from telling him he can literally do whatever he pleases with you, "God, yes. Just don’t stop, please.”
"You’re so adorable when you beg for me,” he grins as his lips find your clit once more as he eases not one but two fingers into your waiting hole. Your moans fill the room at being so suddenly and pleasantly filled to the brim, your eyes rolling into your brain. Xavier’s pace leaves nothing to be desired, his movement producing absolutely filthy noises to mix with the sounds of your moans. You can feel him scissoring his fingers in and out, stretching you out against his soaking hands.
"You’re so tight even around just my fingers…” he trails off in wonder, pondering how he’d possibly fit himself inside you, if you’d allow him.
"M’s-sorry,” you pant against his ministrations stretching you to the fullest you’ve ever felt, "Xavier, th-think I might cum soon.”
Your words fuel him further, the squelching sounds music to his ears. The pleasure is endless and you’re starting to see white. Without stopping his fingers, he murmurs against your clit, "Please give it to me. Cum for me, love. I need it.”
Combined with his expert fingers weaving in and out of you, his demand sends your hurtling through your orgasm. Your thighs threaten to crush his skull as they tremble uncontrollably on his shoulders. You release all over his face, his mouth still latched onto you, gushing into his waiting mouth as you chant his name like a prayer. He replaces his fingers with his tongue, giving your aching clit a much needed break while still working you through your fierce orgasm. You softly scream in response to this warm tongue inside of you, shuddering through the final waves of your orgasm while Xavier laps up all of your release, not letting even a single drop be wasted.
As your body heaves, Xavier removes himself from your thighs, softly setting you down against the bed. He murmurs, "You taste so good. Better than I ever imagined.”
His words fuel you with confidence, and you feel the irresistible urge to return all the pleasure Xavier just gave you. Your thighs are absolute jelly, but you crawl to your knees to face him. Taking his face into your hands, you lean in so your lips are millimeters apart and whisper, "My turn please.”
Xavier’s eyes smolder, and he lets himself be pushed down backwards onto the bed, with you slotting between his thighs like he’d done to you. Feeling confident from the aftermath of your orgasm, you lean down and kiss his bulge through his soaked sweatpants. He hisses, as his hands cup the back of his head on the pillow. His reactions only serve to embolden you further, and you lick a strip down his pants, relishing in the salty taste of his pre cum on your tongue. Unable to wait further, you pull his joggers and undergarments down together, and his cock springs free. Your confidence wavers as you’re met with Xavier in all his glory. He was unbelievably thick, and the vein you’d felt earlier bulged deliciously against the pale pink skin. You unconsciously lick your lips at the challenge before you, taking him into both your hands and sinking down to lap up the pearly white beads that had formed on his tip, threatening to spill over.
Xavier lets out a guttural groan, his hands leaving his head to thread through your hair. He whines as you take his tip into your mouth, gripping your hair gently. The salty, yet surprisingly sweet, taste invades your mouth as you struggle to accommodate his girth in between your lips. Determined to please him, you bob down deeper as your tongue lathers the sides of his cock attentively.
"H-hah shit.” Xavier is a grunting mess beneath you, "My – ahh – beautiful girl. You’re doing so, fuck, s’good.” He hits the back of your throat, tears streaming down your face. You bob slowly, your jaw aching already as you do your best to take him. With your hands you stroke the parts of him that aren’t in your mouth.
Xavier’s hands in your hair are slowly guiding your head up and down, encouraging you take him a bit faster. You gag against him, his moans letting you know how much he enjoys your throat closing around his length. While his thickness threatens to split your jaw, you can’t help but enjoy how he feels inside your mouth, an endless dribble of pre cum your reward for taking him so well. After a few minutes of this, Xavier’s hands tighten in your hair.
"S-stop.” You peer up at him through your wet eyelashes. Hes propped up on his elbows now, staring at you with an intensity that excites you to your core.
"I...I need to be inside you. Is that okay?” He asks, but it feels more like a command. More than willing to indulge him, you lick the stray beads of pre cum that had found their way onto your lips, and you get on your knees so you can seat yourself on top of him. Using your soaked slit, you grind on his saliva and pre cum slicked erection, whimpering while it catches on your clit, still sensitive from his tongue.
Xavier massages your thighs soothingly, his smile is as radiant as ever, "Don’t worry love. Take your time. I’m yours to use however you’d like.” His words fuel your pulsating cunt, and you continue to grind on him, letting his tip ghost along your entrance, but not allowing him in. Your teasing drives him to the edge of madness and you love seeing his undoing all over his facial expression. The friction combined with his reactions to you are enough to have your second orgasm building in your stomach. The mixture of your arousals lets him glide so easily in and out of your thighs between your leaking slit.
You’ve definitely never tried this before, but the anticipation of using just your pussy lips to pleasure the both of you is so exciting. The sounds of your combined slick so lewd against both your bodies. His cock so close to just entering your waiting hole and devouring you whole. It’s all enough to have you cumming again right then and there, but you know the next time you finish you need it to be with him stuffed deep inside you.
"So big Xavier…don’t know if it’ll fit..” You whine, not daring to halt your movements across his cock.
"It will baby, I'll make sure it fits.” You shiver at his words and finally, you allow yourself to sink down onto him. You wail at the impossible stretch, much more than his two fingers. Honestly you’d wished he would’ve used four fingers as that might’ve prepped you better, more accurate to what was stuffed inside you now.
Your thighs tremble as you’re able to take his head fully in. The stretch is uncomfortable, but you’re wet enough where there’s as little resistance as physically possible. Xavier throws his head back and pants out words of encouragement, hands kneading into your thighs.
"Y’you’re so fucking tight it feels like you’re trying to snap it off,” he grits, eyes glued to where your body connects with his. You lower yourself steadily, and you finally seat yourself fully, his cock pulsing excitedly inside you. You gasp for air taking a second to situate yourself before you can even think of moving again. Xavier is no better under you, sweat forming on his forehead from the pleasure alone, his chest heaving up and down rhythmically.
"M’gonna move now, ‘kay?” You warn him breathlessly, surprised your brain is even able to still form words.
Xavier is equally fucked out, begging shamelessly, "Please. Need to feel you.” Though Xavier is the one pleading underneath you, you’re not a fool. Ever the wolf in sheep’s clothing, you know he is the one in control of the situation, even if you’re the one setting the pace on top of him.
His pleas are enough to get your thighs moving, rocking up and down, back and forth. You squeeze your eyes shut, falling forward so your clit can catch on the thick muscles alove his pubic bone. Xavier’s hands on your thighs inch up to your waist to better guide you along as your pelvis rhythmically gyrates back and forth to better feel him against your clit and inside you.
"Hah, I've always loved it when you take control on missions. So pretty – shit – f’me, using my cock like this,” Xavier pants, holding onto your body for dear life.
The pleasure of his words swims straight to your head, and you can feel your brain turning to mush as you use Xavier’s cock to pleasure yourself in ways you’d never dreamed of feeling. You can vaguely hear his endless grunts and whines of encouragement as your heart pounds in your ears. The earth shattering orgasm creeping up on you builds monumentally, much more intense than the one that’d already ravaged your body.
Xavier’s breathy cries snap you back into the present, "Sh-shit slow down. If you don’t–hah– slow down m’gonna–” he cuts himself off, swearing as he feels you tighten even further around him. As if needing something to hold onto to steel himself, he uses one hand to grasp your breast, squeezing forcefully. You yelp at the painful ecstasy, your steady pace faltering and giving both of you a second to slow down your impending orgasms.
Not giving him too much time to recover, you begin rocking again, slowly, torturously, and passionately, unable to stop yourself from chasing the pleasure only he can give you. Your hand is planted on his abs to steady yourself. Xavier’s eyes lock onto your joined crotches, mesmerized by the motions you make that are akin to the ocean waves pulling in and out of the beach. You pulsate around him wildly and he throbs inside you rhythmically, your bodies meshing perfectly.
As your head is thrown back, your eyes once again inching into your skull, Xavier thumbs at your clit. You squeal and contract at the waves of pleasure he induces onto your body with a single touch.
Xavier swears inexplicably at your vice grip on his length, knowing your body is pushing him rapidly towards his finish. Your slow and intentional bounces have him seeing stars, but he needs more. Keeping his thumb steadily drawing circles in your aching bundle of nerves, he uses his other hand to grip your waist and guide you along, faster and harder.
His eyes admire your naked beauty on top of him, he pants out, "S’perfect, Y/N. You’re beautiful you know that?”
At his words, you’re a faltering moaning mess as the rhythm Xavier sets has his tip hitting deep in your gummy walls, stroking your sweetest spots at every thrust. At this point Xavier’s hand does much of the work, your thighs threatening to give out as the only thing your brain can focus on is the pure pleasure of his cock reaching the most sensitive spots right before your cervix.
You’re reaching a point of no return, unable to stop your babbling mess, "X-Xavier you’re s’deep, s’big. Splitting me open.” You can feel the mixture of slick against the underside of your thighs, smearing against his pelvis as your bodies slap against each other.
"Baby you’re making such a mess…hah..fuck is this all for me?”
You whine at his words, "S’all for you Xavier..m’all yours.” Thighs still burning as you do your best to bounce on him, you grip your breasts with your hands as Xavier uses you like a toy. He seems to know exactly where your g spot is, and he hits it every single time, almost as if he knows your body far better than even you. You’re coming impossibly close to your climax, but you can’t fathom this moment between you two ending.
"Come here,” Xavier whispers desperately, "Let me taste you.” With his hands still shoved between your bodies, playing with your clit, you bend down towards him and let him take your lips into his once more. His soft lips are urgent as they take you, and you can almost feel a lifetime of emotions Xavier has kept from you. You respond with the same desperation, wanting to show him how much he has invaded your very being. Your body, your mind, your heart and soul. It all felt hopelessly intertwined with Xavier, and you couldn’t fight it. You didn’t want to fight it.
His tongue, cock, and fingers ravage you in perfect unison. The blinding tension in your gut threatens to boil over, and you try to warn him, "X-Xav, can’t take much more.”
"You’re doing so good for me, Y/N. I can–f-fuck–feel how close you are. Please, cum for me,” he pants, his breath mingling with yours. Doing your best to maintain your rhythm amidst the climax that descends upon you like a tsunami, you sink your lips into Xavier’s neck, careful to avoid his cuts. The moan that he responds with is a deep guttural warning. That he’s as close to coming undone as you are.
With renewed vigor you bounce atop Xavier, absolutely needing to hear him fall apart for you. You spear yourself onto his ever hardening and throbbing erection as his thumb on your clit sends you into oblivion. The bone crushing orgasm descends upon you, and you bite down on Xavier’s pulsing neck. You let out a string of incoherent babbles right by his ear, and he eats up every single cry you make for him. The tsunami consumes you, manifesting in uncontrollable waves of tremors around Xavier’s leaking cock inside you. Wailing through your orgasm, right into his ear, Xavier takes you into his arms completely and bounces you violently on top of him, desperately chasing his own release.
"Fffuck, you’re milking me Y/N,” Xavier groans through gritted teeth, "Makin’ a mess all over my bed.”
You alternate between nibbles and soothing licks against his neck, feeling how he swelled inside you at his sensitive neck being ravaged. You could tell Xavier was impossibly close, feeling his heartbeat throb in his cock as he speared your overstimulated core onto him with every ounce of fleeting energy he had left.
Exhausted and completely fucked out, you murmur into his ear, "Xavier, please. I-Inside. Make me yours.” You plant a gentle wet kiss on the deep red bruise you’d etched into his neck. It resembles the strawberries you’d grown together on the balcony.
Xavier’s deep and incomprehensible swears ensue, "You’re mine. Say it Y/N, please.” His thrusts are erratic now, losing himself to the pleasure of your body perfectly wrapped around him.
You squeeze your eyes shut, suckling gently on the hickies you’ve littered across his pale neck, "M’yours Xavier, now and always.
Your words send him toppling over the edge, letting out a strangled groan as you feel him release deep inside your cunt, pumping his release as deep as it will go. It’s unbelievably soothing, the warm milky seed relieving some of the ache in your throbbing hole from his intense ravishing.
Despite the overstimulation, Xavier continues to thrust lazily in and out of you, wanting to keep every drop of his spend sealed inside you, as deep as it will possibly go. It makes him wince, but he can’t bear the thought of any of it being wasted when it belongs inside you. But you tap his pecs pointedly, still laying completely naked and soaked on top of him, and whine, "S’too sensitive Xavier.”
He chuckles and brings your face to his, this time pressing a slow and sensual kiss to your lips. You close your eyes, enjoying the feel of his soft lips against yours, your bodies connected in more places than one. With your head still on his broad and muscular chest, you relish in the slowing and soft thumps of his calming heartbeat, absolutely content and blissed out. Xavier strokes your hair with one hand, his fingers massaging your scalp, and his other hand rests tightly on the small of your back. As if he’s scared you might disappear at any moment.
Inevitably, his softening member threatens to slip out, but you’re much to fucked out to be able to move a single muscle. Xavier shuffles gently, and you feel him lifting your body off of him and onto the space beside him. He moves again to shift off the bed, presumably to grab a washcloth to wipe you off, but you clutch his bicep and bury your face into his muscular side.
"Please don’t go,” you whisper. He looks hesitant, wanting to clean you up and take care of you like you deserve.
"I can’t fall asleep counting stars. I need them to stay by my side,” you mumble sleepily, not even caring that the mixture of your collective release dripped down your rear and onto the bed beneath you. When he doesn’t respond, you peer up at him, and find yourself in awe of the man before you.
While his face is utterly exhausted, the sleep in his eyes clouding his azure blues, he almost glows. Because of his evol, Xavier is always incandescent, but this is different. Its almost as if his sweat slicked skin illuminates in the soft rays of fading daylight that spill into his bedroom. He catches your stare and he smiles so brilliantly at you that you feel like you’re in the presence of the sun itself. Like he’s an angel sent from the heavens to derail your entire life.
He relaxes back down beside you, covering the two of you with his thick comforter. Fixating on the sounds of your soft breathing, Xavier softly tucks you into his side, with his arm around the back of your shoulders. Finally, he speaks gently and so heartbreakingly apologetically, "I’m sorry. I should've responded to your messages.”
"Honestly, I'm not that upset,” you sigh into his warm chest muscles that feel better than any pillow ever could. Propping onto your side to face him, worry laces into your voice, "But Xavier, you fell asleep after getting injured. Aren’t you still tired?”
His voice is thick with sleep, deep and comforting to your ears, "Yeah.”
"Will a good night’s sleep fix everything?”
With his fingers tracing patterns into your naked back, Xavier’s pensive for a brief moment. His answer is thoughtful and earnest, "Only if you stay and sleep next to me.”
The butterflies that erupt in your stomach bloom into your chest and you're incapable of keeping your voice steady while you continue your line of questioning, "Is that why you always say everything’s fine and don’t tell me when you’ve been gravely wounded?”
He hesitates as you stare at him, his arm still wrapped protectively over you.
Seconds tick by, "I’m leaving if you don’t answer.” You even make a show of trying to get up, knowing damn well you’re not going anywhere. Xavier’s grip on you tightens, quite possessively.
"I promise it won’t ever happen again,” his eyes convey so much more than his words as he stares into your very being. The ardor in his blue eyes overwhelms you with emotions that sting your eyes.
"Will there ever be a day when you fall asleep and never wake up?” The question comes tumbling out of your lips before you can even stop it. There’s really no reason for you to even fathom that this could happen, but something inside you demands an answer from the silver haired man wrapped around you.
Xavier is silent for an agonizing moment, but takes your hand into his, placing a warm kiss onto it. You shiver at the feel of his lips against your hand. It feels like much more than just a fleeting kiss, but a promise, "If such a thing ever happens, you – and only you – must remember to wake me up.”
You fall back into the crook of where his chest connects with his arm, satisfied with his response, for now. With your hand still in his, you nuzzle into him, doing your best to avoid the trail of injuries that still stained his beautiful glowing skin.
And it felt so good, so right to be held by Xavier like this. Xavier wondered how it could be that you fit so perfectly into his arms, into his life. You both knew there was a heavy conversation to be had, about where this left the two of you. As friends, as hunting partners, but especially as two people whose fates were so indescribably interwoven with each other. You both decided you’d save that for later, opting to savor the perfect bliss of this moment.
Xavier’s unable to keep his hands off you, innocently grazing against every inch of skin he can. His fingers trace unintelligible patterns on your back and his right hand rubs soothingly up and down between your thigh and your hips. His comforting touch feels so inexplicably right, like two stars written in the night sky. Xavier was your shooting star, after all.
Just before sleep consumes you, you feel out for him, "Xavier?” You’re unsure if he’s still awake as you await his response.
"Yes love?” From his voice you can tell he is on the cusp of dozing off, still with his hands all over you. Your heart flutters at his words.
"You better not ever scare me like that again,” your voice, thick with exhaustion, is anything but threatening as you kiss the skin of his chest muscles.
His languid chuckle is deeper than usual, his stroking halts as he grips your thigh tight, drawing you closer to him and pressing an adoring kiss to your forehead, "If this is my punishment, then I can’t make any promises.”
© aeyumicore 2024. please do not steal ♡
#versalias lads obsession#screaming crying throwing up#this is 10k words what is wrong with me#love and deepspace#l&ds#l&ds smut#lads#lads smut#love and deep space smut#xavier love and deepspace#love and deepspace scenarios#xavier x reader#love and deepspace xavier#xavier smut#xavier imagines#xavier fic#xavier#loveanddeepspace#l&ds scenarios#xavier x y/n#xavier drabbles#love and deepspace x reader#love and deep space#love and deepspace smut#xavier x you#xavier x mc#lads scenarios#lads fluff#lads xavier#lads x reader
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Did I make a mistake?
As you're all well aware of I said goodbye to my blogs and Tumblr thinking my decision was final. However after reading all your wonderful messages I started to have doubts about my decision. So for the last few weeks I've been trying to pinpoint why I thought I had fallen out of love with high end fashion as well as Tumblr itself and the answer has been in front of my face for the best part of four years. A broken down friendship that has been plaguing my mental health… until recently and I'm going to finally explain why.
I had a best friend for the best part of 15 years that went downhill both slowly and unexpectedly. We met on a forum back in 2005 and hit it off instantly. We then met up and went on various holidays, attended concerts together, did mini weekend breaks away and got to know each other's families really well. More importantly they were the only person in my life who knew about this blog and shared my love for high end fashion. Like most friendships though it had its ups and downs but no matter what we always gravitated back towards one another, until March 2020. A week or so before COVID and lockdown took hold of our lives they told me they had met someone. I was genuinely happy for them, except for the fact they had let slip that I was the last person to know. This broke my heart and their trust as they continued to let slip more details that indicated that I was being pushed out in favour of a new crowd (aka university friends who they had told me they disliked a few months beforehand) alongside their new partner.
They stayed with their partner on and off throughout COVID and I was either pushed out the door or let back in depending on their relationship status. The relationship came to an end for good towards the end of 2022 and as always I was let back into their life with plans for 2023 being made. However I held back knowing the hurt it would cause me if things suddenly changed again. This was also my breaking point with them as I wanted to protect my heart from anymore hurt, and I believe this is where my love for creativity began to faulter. Whilst I found my love for gaming I felt this mental block around Evermore-Fashion and Evermore-Grimoire which I thought was down to my passions changing. I was clearly wrong. The friendship was up and down for another six months, until last summer. They had got back in contact with me despite the fact they had started acting cold towards me which manifested in a crap Christmas and Birthday. Yet I was still willing to hear their side of the story, but it never came as they ghosted me and I haven't spoken to them since which hasn't been fun to deal with both mentally and emotionally. Although I now fully believe this is what was killing my spirit and everything I had loved for so long.
Anyway fast forward to January 2024, I've said goodbye to my blogs and Tumblr when lo and behold I come across a social media post that changed everything. The ex friend had written something personal that contradicted everything they had told me (over their relationship break up) which not only angered me but it lit a fire under my butt to stop stewing in the "what ifs?" as well as holding on to a small bit of hope that they'd finally apologise for treating me like a piece of shit on the back of their shoe for so long. Not only that but I started to miss why I enjoyed being online in the first place. I checked out Vogue to see what was occurring during Paris Fashion Week and I yearned to share the Spring 2024 Couture collections on Tumblr (even though I still think it's still a toxic cesspit). Yes I could easily start this up on Wordpress or Instagram but let's face it, Tumblr is still the easiest place to start blogging creatively. So here I am. The fog surrounding my love for fashion has lifted alongside the mental and emotional baggage I've been holding on to for far too long.
There's just one thing I'm still wondering though… do you guys forgive me (as I feel like I've messed you all around ) and is it okay to come back? 🥹
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hi, i hope you're doing okay!
so look i know your requests are closed but i just had an ✨insight✨while reorganizing my room today and i couldn't stop thinking about it, so i decided to write it down here cause either i'd forget it like tomorrow. you don't need to do it, obviously, but if you will, take your time.
so. fem!reader and bucky, established relationship (maybe married) and she's pregnant but she doesn't know cause it's like, super early, she didn't even have morning sickness yet. and mr. super-soldier-enhanced-hearing can hear the baby's heart as soon as it starts beating and he's like confused at first but when he realizes what it is he starts crying and hugging her waist and she's like "buck? you okay love?" and he says "you're pregnant honey, we're having a baby!" bucky's super emotional and thrilled and beyond happy he starts laughing through the tears. he gets super protective of her and her belly but like always pampering her making sure she's drinking enough water and eating and going out at three am to but something shes craving and he's like, super excited to shout to the world he got his girl pregnant with his baby. and he starts sleeping with his head on her belly just listening to the baby's heartbeat as a lullaby.
(he's gonna be the best dad i just know it <3)
hii angel!! love it!! I did change some things, hope that’s okay. thanks for requesting and hope you like it💌
>requests now open<
EXTRA GRILLED CHEESE.
bucky barnes x fem!reader
word count. 1066
summary. bucky has suspicions that you might be pregnant
For the last week, Bucky had an expression you struggled to place - his face often pulled together with intrigue, brows quizically furrowed when around your company. At first, it seemed normal to you - his infamous resting bitch face, but the more he wore it around you, the more you started to worry.
You often felt as though you were bothering him with your talking, the features on his face unusually hard and rigid as he listened to you. It was a silly thought, really - he's your husband. He'd tell you if he needed a minute of quiet.
But the harder you looked, the more you began to realise his face wasn't that of judgment, but instead inspection - like he was analysing you.
Elbows resting on the kitchen island, you lean over the countertop, getting closer to Bucky sitting on the other side.
"Another one?" you ask, reaching for his empty plate.
He wryly smiles. "Only if you are."
"One is never enough," you chuckle sweetly, pulling the ingredients back out of the fridge - collecting everything you need for grilled cheese. "Might do a few more— been really hungry lately. That cool with you?"
Bucky hums softly, head tilted to the side as he watches you - completely smitten. That confusing expression long gone.
"I got it," he stands, moving around the island to you on the other side. "I got the rest. You sit, honey."
You smile cutely, stepping aside and sitting on the countertop - allowing your husband's help. "What do you want to do tonight? Movie and snacks?"
He places the sandwiches in the pan and moves to stand between your legs - slotting his lower half between. Giving you a chaste kiss, he smiles, eyes soft as he looks over you. "Sounds good. Will have to go to the store though— don't have enough in."
"We can go after this?" you offer.
He hums, kissing you sweetly. He pulls back, eyes darting over you. "We'll stop past the pharmacy first. Gotta pick something up."
⎯ ☆ ⎯
Back within the comfort of home, you and Bucky begin to put away the items from the store - bags open on the worktop as you rummage through them, standing side by side.
Bucky stills and turns to face you, reaching into his pocket. "I uh..." he pauses and clears his throat. "I picked this up while you were looking at things in the pharmacy," he starts, pulling out a small rectangular box. "Feels stupid, I don't know," he shrugs, not confident with the direction of his proposal.
Your eyes flicker from the box in his hand and up to his face, looking over him inquisitively. "A pregnancy test?" you ask, taking it from his light hold.
"Feels like I'm insulting you," he chuckles bashfully, stepping closer to you. "It's just... I have this feeling," he says softly, extending his hands to rest on either side of your face. "You don't have to take it."
"No— no, I do— I think. I want to. It's just that..." you exhale faintly. "We haven't really spoken about this for a while. What if it's not the result we want? What if we don't like what we see on the test?" you ask anxiously, fiddling with the box.
Bucky pauses, a soft smile on his face as he tilts your face back up - making you look up at him again. "We have time," he says sweetly. "If we don't like what we see, there are changes— there's other options," he solidifies his reassurance with a kiss. "I'll be happy with either result."
"Should I do it now?" you ask, looking down at the box.
"You do it when you're ready, honey. Doesn't have to be now, doesn't have to be today."
Briefly reading over the writing, you feel a slight swell in your heart. It all felt so daunting. You knew this was something you'd both eventually want, but the idea of it beginning now was enough to make you feel queasy. Everything was going so well in your lives, and this was such a big step in your marriage - you were just scared of what the result would do to you both.
With a deep inhale, you shrug sweetly, feigning bravado. "Piece of cake."
"Piece of cake," he repeats, kissing your temple.
Stepping aside, you walk into the bathroom - box clutched in hand as you read through the directions. The heavy thumping in your ears distracting you from understanding it all.
After following the instructions, you place the stick aside on some toilet paper and call in your husband, moving to sit on the edge of the bath. Without missing a beat, Bucky steps into the small room, eyes focused on yours as he walks to sit beside you - slipping his hand into yours assuringly. His large hand enveloping yours.
You sit in uneasy quiet for what feels like an hour, each of your brains whirling with thoughts and ideas and questions - the noise far too loud in your minds.
Then, finally, after a while, your timer goes off, the obnoxious sound interrupting you both from your fazed-out states.
"You look."
"Are you sure?" he asks, holding your hand as you both stand.
You hum anxiously, nodding at him.
With one hand tightly in yours, the other reaches for the little stick - fingers loosely wrapping around it. Bucky stills, the features on his face slowly softening.
"What does it say?"
He nods faintly, his brows curving up in the middle. "Positive," he murmurs, the shock evident in the way his tone wavers. "It's positive."
"Positive?" you repeat, your expression widening.
He hums, enveloping you in a tight embrace - pressing kisses into your cheek.
"We're having a baby," you mutter, voice cracking slightly.
"Yeah," he nods, pulling back to look over your face - checking you were okay with it all as he is. "We're having a baby," he echos you, cupping your cheeks.
"You're okay with this?" you ask, focus blurring from a few stray tears.
He nods firmly. "Of course," he chuckles, his tearline slowly filling. "Are you?"
"Yeah," you laugh lightly, nodding - the gentle grip of his hands moving with the soft motion of your head.
"I'll give you everything you want. Everything you need— I'll get you it all."
You already had everything you wanted.
#request#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x fem!reader#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes x you#bucky x reader#bucky x female reader#bucky fanfic#bucky barnes oneshot
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Wanted It Forever
Genre: angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort
Pairing: Seungmin x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 2k
Warning: argument, crying, depression
Summary: After a fight unresolved, you’re left to wonder if there is even a relationship anymore to salvage
A/N: based on this request!! I hope this is what you were looking for <33 love when I get asks!!
“Oh my god, Y/n! Please, how many times are we going to have to go through this?” Seungmin asked you with wide eyes, his hands running through his hair for the nth time that night making it look wild and unruly.
“Until you prioritize me for once in your life!” You shouted back at him. Your voice was strained, and it came out sounding more like a plea, desperate to get him to understand how you felt.
You weren’t sure how long the two of you had been fighting for, but it felt like hours of just going in circles. You weren’t even sure what exactly started it, but the second you got to the root of the problem, everything seemed to unravel from trying to pretend that it was all fine for so long. You were in a standoff in the middle of the kitchen with him on one side of the island and you on the other, creating the distance that you had been starting to feel inside. You had tried to be patient with Seungmin, but it felt like the more you ignored it, the more he stopped even trying.
He let out a long and frustrated sigh, “why are you being so needy and unreasonable? You know that I’m an idol. You know that I have a lot of responsibilities. I try to give you as much attention as I can. Why isn’t that enough for you?” Seungmin was always trying to maintain an even tone during an argument, but you could tell this one was wearing the both of you thin. It scared you a bit as the thought of this being the final argument played in the back of your mind.
You scoffed disbelievingly at his words. You had no time to feel hurt by his accusations as you only felt anger simmering inside you from him not willing to see it from your perspective. “Needy? Unreasonable? Seungmin, you really think this is all about attention? This is the third time you’ve stood me up on a date. We haven’t properly gone out as a couple in over a month!”
“You think I want to? I’m busy, Y/n! I thought you knew what you were getting into when we started dating.” He threw his hands up in frustration as he offered you the same excuse as he always did.
“The Seungmin I started dating actually made me feel like his girlfriend! You put me on the backburner for everything these days, not just work. Am I so wrong for wanting to feel important to you?” All of your emotions were starting to bubble over, and you could feel the hot tears welling in your eyes. You swallowed thickly and clenched your fist, trying to stay in control.
Seungmin leaned back against the cabinets with his arms folded. He was silent for a moment with your collective breathing being the only sound in the room. His head was bowed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “You are important to me, Y/n.” He said, stressing each word firmly before looking at you again. “I don’t know what else you want me to do. I can’t just ignore my career for you.”
You dragged both hands down your face, “You’re not listening to me!”
“I am listening to you, but you’re not being fair!” he volleyed back defensively.
You laughed sardonically as you took in the absurdity of looping back through another circle. “I can’t do this anymore,” you rubbed your temples as you started to pace.
“Do what? This relationship?” Seungmin asked you bitterly. You froze in your spot, and the tension in the room was palpable. Were you both really calling your relationship into question? Had it really gotten that far?
Your heart was quickening in pace at the thought, and it was getting harder to breathe. You were trembling from all the pent up emotion, and you tried to take a deep breath before facing Seungmin again. He was watching you closely with his eyebrows furrowed, and the hurt you saw reflected in his eyes made your anger slightly recede. “No, Seungmin,” you started defeatedly, with your shoulders slumping. “I just need a break.”
“A break,” Seungmin repeated before it was his turn to laugh sardonically and shake his head. “You know what, fine. I’ll go.” He grumbled as he grabbed his keys with urgency and stalked over to the doorway.
You just watched as he quickly slipped on his shoes and paused as he reached for the door handle. He tilted his head up, and you could see his eyes were glossy as his bangs fell away from his face. It felt like a knife was twisting in your heart as you clearly saw how torn up he looked in that moment, seconds from breaking down like you. You wanted to reach out to him, but you couldn’t say anything as he took a deep breath and walked through the door.
The air was stiff with finality as the sound of him harshly closing your door reverberated off the walls. As soon as he was gone, you crumpled to the floor and hugged your knees to your chest, and you purged yourself of the tears and frustration. Sobs wracked your body as you thought back on everything that had just happened, and how much it hurt you that Seungmin couldn’t just tell you what you needed to hear. You just needed to know that your relationship was worth making time for to him, but he did little to reassure you.
The feeling of Seungmin’s absence was overwhelming, and you couldn’t do anything to ease the sense of dread from the thought of losing him. You felt as weak as a puddle on the floor as you cried until you could only hiccup, and your head was pounding. You mustered up the strength you could to get yourself up only to bury yourself under the covers in your bed to block out the rest of the world. Not even sleep offered you comfort as your dreams were plagued with memories shared with Seungmin.
~~~
Seungmin and you were alike in so many ways that he made you believe in twin flames and soulmates. You both have the same way of thinking, you both reach the same conclusions, and overall you both just have the same perspective. You understood each other on a level that you had never felt understood with anyone else, but it also meant you shared the same flaws. Right now, you were worried that being such mirrored souls would be what caused the end of your relationship.
You were both stubborn and hated admitting when you were wrong, so making up after a fight was always another struggle until eventually you both caved in. This fight had been different though. When you and Seungmin had parted ways, you weren’t even sure if there was still a relationship to be mended. You were hesitant to reach out as you replayed the argument in your head, but the moment that stuck with you the most was the look in Seungmin’s eyes before he walked out, making you doubt if he even wanted you to reach out. So you waited, and when a week went by without communication, you were feeling like you had your answer.
You had just been going through the motions of life ever since then, and if you did feel something other than miserable, it was just numb. With each day that passed that your and Seungmin’s relationship was still in the air, you felt that hope slipping further and further away from you that it was just another bump in the road. You had been with him for over a year, and you couldn’t just forget the plans and promises you made together. For the first time, you had wanted it forever.
Some of the members had guessed that something was wrong between you and Seungmin with how long he was staying at the dorm and tried to check up on you, but you didn’t have the energy. You were just tired, and everyday you came home and crawled right back into bed, hoping to finally get some proper rest. However, your heart didn’t agree with your head as it couldn’t stop waiting for Seungmin until your eyes welled with tears and spilled down your cheeks. That’s where you were when you heard another knock on your door, and you groaned as you dragged yourself out of bed. Assuming it was one of the members again, you quickly tried your best to make yourself look presentable.
You took a deep breath to open the door, only to have it stolen by who greeted you on the other side. “Seungmin?” You asked tentatively, your voice barely a whisper, almost afraid that he was just a mirage curated to console your heart ache.
“Bubs,” he said, voice just as delicate and wavering slightly. The pet name made you feel a pang of sadness in your chest, but also a sense of relief in the same moment. He took a shaky breath, “can we… can we talk?” He looked up through his bangs with wide, pleading eyes and a tilt of his head that made him look like a wounded puppy.
All you could do was nod and step aside to let him in, still trying to process he was here, and you felt a sliver of hope for the first time since he walked out. You softly closed the door and took a second to gather your courage as you turned to face him. You crossed your arms over your chest, waiting for him to continue, but you could tell that he was nervous from his hands fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt. When his eyes met yours again, they looked tired and sad.
He looked as afflicted as you felt inside, and you wondered if he’s been going through the same struggle as you had this week. “I’m… I’m sorry,” he started, shoulders slumping as he looked deflated. “I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend lately, and I’m sorry for not listening to you.” His eyebrows were furrowed and lips parted as he collected himself to continue. “But I meant it when I said you were important to me, and if you forgive me…” He took a cautious step towards you and gently took your hand in his, “I’ll do everything that I can to prove that to you. I love you, Y/n. Please forgive me?” His voice slightly cracked as he asked you the question, looking up at you with tears welling in his eyes.
“I love you too,” you said softly, looking back at him with round, vulnerable eyes. The corners of his mouth turned up a little in a small smile, and your heart picked up pace with how much you’ve missed him. “I want to make this work with you.”
At your words, he pulled you into a tight embrace, and your body fit perfectly against his as he wrapped his arms securely around you. He cradled your head softly with his fingers tangling in your hair, and you buried yourself in his neck, letting his comforting scent wash over you. He let out a shaky breath, and you felt his body shiver against you as he laughed in relief, “I want to make this work too, more than anything. I can’t lose you, bubs.” His voice was still raspy with emotion.
You pulled back to gaze into his eyes again, seeing nothing but love filling in the deep dark depths of them. You cupped the sides of his face with both hands, “never.” You reassured him before leaning in to give him a sweet, tender kiss on his soft lips, conveying all the love and longing you have felt. It was balm for your soul as you felt him kiss you back, warm hands gripping your waist with a familiarity that you craved. You finally felt peace in his arms, knowing this wasn’t the fight that ended everything, but the one that would make everything stronger in the end.
#stray kids#stray kids imagines#stray kids x reader#stray kids x y/n#stray kids seungmin#stray kids fluff#stray kids angst#skz#skz x reader#skz x y/n#skz seungmin#skz fluff#skz angst#skz imagines#kim seungmin#seungmin imagines#seungmin x reader#seungmin x y/n#seungmin fluff#seungmin angst
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Husk felt sick to his stomach, he felt like he failed as a father.
'He did fail'- is what he told himself because he couldn't even save his daughter, he barely managed to keep you alive.
You were sound asleep, Husk wasn't even sure how he was going to tell you about her passing. You would leave him, you had every right to leave him. Tensing, Husk didn't even look at the door to see who had entered the room.
"Congrats on being a dad." Angel Dust slipped into the room though the smile slipped from his once he took in Husk's sullen expression. "You ain't happy bout bein a dad? You were pretty excited when they were pregnant"
Husk adverted his gaze then looked down at the little lump in his hand. "You think I'd be happy with that, three kits and" he sucked in a breath of air. "And then one of em." His voice cracks.
Working his jaw, Angel Dust closed his eyes then shook his head taking the small bundle away from Husk, he was surprised from how warm the little kit was. Clearing out his throat, he let out a nervous laugh as he gently started to rub the kittens back.
"Ya know...back when I was alive. This happened before, so my ma taught me a trick." Keeping his gaze on the bundle in his palm he continued to rub the back gently until he felt something twitch and move in his palm.
Nose poking through the blanket, a small cry squeak out from the blanket.
"Am I good or what? Little one is right as rain." Angel Dust gave Husk a wink as the demon cat carefully cradled the kit against his chest.
Doing his best to collect his emotion's, Husk squeezed his eyes tightly shut feeling the tears fall keeping her close. "Thank you...Anthony"
"Nah you don't gotta thank me." Angel Dust shrugged his shoulders. "Hate to see ya sad....not to mention that cute little wife of yours...so what's the little cuties name?"
Clearing out his throat, Husk gave him a teary eyed smile. "Marylin....my little Marylin."
#drabbles#drabble#husk#husk x reader#husk x you#dad husk#dad!husk#kid fic#hazbin hotel#hazbin#husk hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel husk#husk hazbin#hazbin husk#husker#husker hazbin hotel#husker hazbin#hazbin husker#husker x reader#husker x you#hazbin hotel husker
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1. tie the knot
javier peña x f!reader* | chapter one of let us pretend
summary: peña has been back in Texas for all of five minutes, thinking he wants a simple life. but, when steve offers him the chance to gather information on a potential new player, he jumps at the chance. the only problem is, to do so, he'll need to go undercover with a female agent—and pretend to be her husband.
wordcount: 4.6k
chapter themes: fake dating/relationship/marriage, forced proximity / sharing one bed, colleagues to lovers, no use of Y/N, *female agent has a nickname (sunny) for use undercover.
an: this week i am full of surprises. welcome to the world of let us pretend. this chapter might not feel different from htcu, but it is.
All he has to do is pretend. Put on an act.
It’s simple on paper. Easy. A thing he’s already a master in, something he has never found particularly difficult or hard: pretending.
Javi, after all, had had always been pretty good at concealing, at masking—
“Y’need to pretend to be married.”
Faking being a husband was a new one.
Having lived with far too many emotions for so long, it’s not hard for him to fake nonchalance.
Colombia had been his school. The place where he collected his degree—days of pretending he was okay. Hiding the fact he couldn’t sleep the horrors away, that he wasn’t falling apart at the seams. That stress wasn’t making him chain smoke and the pressure wasn’t making him sink his cock into women he couldn’t save.
He picked up his doctorate when he returned home. When ranch life had felt so fucking dull it made him want to pick the smoking habit back up, just for something to do. When he saw boats that made his insides twist, but found he had to wear a smile. Hiding, as expertly as he could, so he didn’t bristle each time someone called him a hero—when all he wanted was a drink, a fuck or a newspaper.
Mostly, Javi had become a master in squirrelling away the fact he saw every minute of the hours at night, feeling nothing short of relief when his alarm chimed so he could get out of his homemade prison.
Bluffing had always been a skill of his. But, this, this was new to him. His bluffing had never required him to wear something shiny on his left hand and—
“And, Jav. Try not to fuck her.”
He’s not surprised that Steve heads up a department in Miami—or that he’s happy and content.
From the moment the two of them reunited, he took in the glow on his old partner’s skin (the one he strongly suspects isn’t just from the sun) and listened as he heard short (in Murphy’s opinion) stories about his daughter growing older.
Javi couldn’t relate—not that he’ll admit it. Just another thing he disguises. Smothers his face in what he assumes is what happiness looks like, wears it like an accessory, something akin to wearing a jacket, rather than actually feeling it.
Picking up a ring, rotating it between his thumb and finger, he snorts. “Wouldn’t be very husband-like of me, if I didn’t, would it?”
He’s nudged. An intentional elbow to the side sparks a grin as he places the ring back into its velvety spot.
Because none of them look right. None seem right—even for a fake thing.
“Fake husband. And don’t fuck this up.”
“I’m hearing a lot of don’ts and not a lot of do’s, Murphy. What the fuck is it you want me to do?”
He’s already been told, informed. Briefed.
Tricked in fact. Requested down here for an opinion, but when his worn-in soles landed in the office of his former colleague, it unravelled into something so much more.
Handed a file—one he knows everyone expects he won’t read—and given a rundown of what the operation is supposed to look like. But Javi knows better. Had known it too. Even suspects, Murphy does too.
One thing Colombia has taught him is that plans don’t mean shit, not when you’re up against an ever-evolving problem.
You don't just want me here for a consult, do you, Murph?
Was hopin’ you were bored in Texas.
He suspects that’s why his Pop had given him an arched brow, an expression that was accompanied by pinched lips when he’d first mentioned it. Even his assurance that it’ll be a few days—just helping Steve out was met with a look Javi hadn’t banked on. Realising as he stood admiring wedding rings that his Pop had figured it out long before him.
At least now he understands why he got the Chucho-treatment—not quite quiet, but not quite the same treatment from him that he did the day before.
Instead, that kind of treatment that pierced itself into him, attempted to bury itself inside of him and made guilt flood through him like a poison.
Even if once before he would struggle with it, found himself desperate to apologise—make it up to his Pops—he didn’t this time. Because Javi already struggled. Already grown tired of itching for something.
So, he said nothing. Because he knows Murphy wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t need him.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Murphy closes his eyes. The same noticeable twitch in his fingers and chewing inside his cheek that Javier can relate to: the sign of a recent quitter, and one attempting to use gum as a replacement.
Needing too.
“Where is she, anyway?” he asks, shifting the conversation, suppressing a yawn.
Before he’d even got on the plane out here, he’d been tired. Already beginning to fray at the edges, sleep had already become an even more distant friend.
All of it had been made worse by the worried look on Pop’s face when he dropped him at departures. It thickened, slathered itself on his shoulders even more so when he calls him from Murphy’s office to tell him it’ll be three months.
“You managed longer than I thought, Javi.”
“Pop…”
Even though he had known it wouldn't matter, he had still tried to explain it all over again. From the top. All softly, with patience—the phone receiver leaving an indent on his cheek as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Reminding his Pop that this time he was doing his friend a favour, that it was a one-time thing—a few months, at most.
It didn’t shift the tone—didn’t stop Javi from imagining the disappointed lines bleeding into worried ones, mixing with the ones caused by age. It didn't lessen the tightness over the phone, simmering in the miles of air, because they were both at a standstill in the centre of a formerly (albeit temporary) happy situation.
Sighing, Murphy drops his hand, pulling him back from his thoughts. “She’ll be here, alright.”
Javi snorts, swallowing.
Glancing back over another table, seeing other things, other accessories. Things that’ll help him blend, help the two of you blend. You and him, him and you—a person he knows the name of and nothing else.
Steve had shared that you were good, brilliant, the only one he’d trust. That you knew the work so far better than anyone.
He’d been about to begin unpicking those earlier statements when the door opened, blouse and black tailored trousers walking towards him.
It isn’t anything cliché.
Time doesn’t stop, the room doesn't silence, but something happens. Something shifts, changes—alters. Because instantly, Javi realises you’re pretty. A thought which confuses him, especially when it dawns on him that usually, it’s a woman's figure he notices and admires first, but he finds that it's your eyes that he lingers on.
And fuck do they cut into him.
Practically reach inside of him, before they go through him, digging into flesh and fucking bone.
Then, all at once, ceasefire. A chance to strengthen his façade as you turn to greet Murphy, a handshake, a sea of pleasantries. Enough chance to shove it down, whatever attempted to rise in him.
But, he swears he can still see them behind his lids. Something which makes his jaw tighten, teeth grind—
“You must be my husband,” you say, smirk sliding up into your cheek.
Your body suddenly turns to him, hand sticking out towards him, adding your name to the statement as though stamping it into the air and his body goes clammy, grows warm and makes him suddenly desperate for water, coffee or even whiskey.
Slipping his hand into yours, he’s not surprised to find that it’s soft, the right kind of warm. He’d suspected about as much from just appearances alone.
“Agent Murphy has told me a lot about you, Mr Peña.”
Running his tongue over the front of his teeth, he eyes you. “Think my wife should call me, Javi.”
Javi learns, rather quickly, that you have a nice voice.
It doesn’t grate, doesn’t annoy him—it’s informative, but there’s something else there, a playful edge, a little thing within you that hasn’t been crushed.
He remembers when he’d been as sprightly.
Rubs his forehead with the heel of his palm as he does, fingers desperate to clutch a pen, his jaw tightening as he thinks about how he could roll it in his fingers, hold it like he used to hold a smoke.
Fuck, he wishes he could chew his gum.
A thing which is slowly making him more tense.
Not that you seem to notice, too focused on getting him up to speed on the actual investigation. He’d read much of your notes before today, it was the next part he was more on edge by.
Because, whatever his earlier opinion of you was, he was getting the distinct impression you’d rather set your skin on fire than be fake married. A thing you stop trying to hide, your face displaying your disgust at it each time it is casually mentioned.
It was mandatory—Murphy’s words—for the two of you to get to know one another. A crash course, a 101 in the other. It’s told to you, that the two of you are going to be stationed in your new home for the next few weeks, starting from today. But, because they’re merciful—
“Wanted to make sure you had time to get to know one another. So, take the day—work can begin another day.”
“How nice of you, Murph,” he responds, words dipped in sarcasm. Briefly catching sight of you smirking as you study something on the table.
Javi had already imagined that—since it was recon, and more surveillance than anything else—for the most part, everything could remain the same. He learnt he was right moments later when it was confirmed his name would remain very much his own, and you were handed his surname like a gift you’d rather burn than accept.
It was you who had to surrender more.
“Y’need a new first name.”
If you were surprised, you didn’t show it. A sea of reasons given, the main one being if anyone asked around with a photo and your name, it would be easier to put two and two together. You lived here, for one.
You keep your eyes down, glancing over the table of possessions you’re allowed to borrow, to play dress up with. Fingers brushing over a watch (silver, a white face)—something haunting in your eye you’re quick to blink away when you meet Murphy’s stare.
Folding his arms, Steve sighs. “Jus’ something you’ll answer to. That can be used in public.”
Javi watches you smirk, something secretive, a hidden joke simmering between the two of you—leaving him very much out in the cold of it.
After a beat, you lick your lips.
“Sunny,” you reply, lifting your eyes, digging each syllable of the name you’re going to use into him.
“Let me guess you’re someone’s ray of sunshine?”
He doesn’t mean for it to fall out laced in bitterness, but it does all the same. His mouth tilted into a smirk, your eyes hardening as you placed down a pair of earrings you’d picked up.
“Think it’s more because of my sunny disposition.” He snorts, watching you move around the table. “It’s a family nickname—I’ve… I’ve always been called it, so, I’ll answer to it.”
Swallowing, Javi lets his eyes wander to the wall of the room.
“Alright, you two. You need to sell it, y’hear me?”
“Then we need money.” It’s short, stern, the way you deliver it, head tilted and face unreadable. “We’ll be sniffed out immediately without it. These people deal in money, not handsome faces.”
"So, you think I'm handsome?"
The roll of your eyes doesn't dispute it, not as you direct your attention back to Murphy.
Who, until now, Javi hadn't realised (with his hands on his hips) how big boss Murphy looked as he whispered fine, or how much it rather annoyed him. How it would be quite easy to give him a shove. More so when he’s handed a new phone, a set of documents, credit cards and given more instructions he wishes he could shove down his throat.
He almost gets close enough to do both when briefing ends and he’s handed the keys to the hotel suite they’d be living in—their story simple, easy:
“We have a fake house for you both being made ready as a cover story, but for now you’re both in the hotel. Prime location. Beach views, and very much in reach to the top places the targets visit.”
And, Murphy hadn’t been lying.
It did have good views, the suite was even nice—really nice.
Almost too nice for a little surveillance, a little fake marriage and a drug bust. But, he didn’t complain, barely said a thing in the ride over, or when you wheeled your own case. He even remained silent when you refused to look at him in the elevator or on the walk to the room, and even when the two of you entered.
In fact, the first words he said were: “You gotta try and look at me like you don’t wanna peel my skin off. You know, if you want this to work.”
He expects it; braces for it, the tongue lashing, an icy stare. Picturing you as the kind of woman who is already to sharpen your tools and pierce him with them when he blinks. But, you don’t.
If anything, Javi watches in slow motion as your shoulders sink, your cogs turning before your expression softens.
“You’re right—I’m… sorry.”
Biting the inside of his cheek, he nods. “There’s one bed.”
“Well. We can sleep in the same bed, Peña. We’re adults. However, for your sake, I’m going to put a pillow between us.” Your eyes sweep over him, cold, drowning him in a chill. “Two actually.”
“You a cuddler, or something?”
Smiling, you sigh. “No. The pillow is so that if you roll over all sleepy and desperate for some affection, I won’t have to cut you. Because if you touch me, that is what will happen.”
“How are we meant to sell we’re in love if I can’t touch you?”
“Oh, out there, you can touch me. In here, no.”
His snort rumbles from his chest. Tugged up, wrenched from some cobweb-filled depth, as you smile. Nothing big, nothing life-changing, but a start—the beginning of a level-playing field.
“What kind of touching, cariño?”
Jaw tightening, you smirk—but it’s cold.
He suspects you’re used to charm. Easily able to disable it, switch it off, unfazed by his gaze or the edge of his words. If anything, you seem really fucking bored of it—something he’s not sure if he admires or despises.
“Nothing like you used to pay for, Peña.”
Before he’s even recovered, he learns that you take things seriously.
Your bag opens, pulling out a notebook—upside down cursive etched over a page, your eyes scanning over it, before you ask if he’s ready. He’s barely able to ask for what, when you begin firing things at him.
Favourite food. Comfort film. Where did we meet? What song do you sing in the car when I’m not around? Are you allergic to anything?
The list goes on, and on. The more things continue to run out of your mouth, the more he begins to admire you—to settle into some comfort that you want to do this properly. That you’re going to take it seriously too, something he wants.
Needing it to matter.
Needing to have something work out easily, not have it all end for nothing.
The only time you pause is for a dinner—room service, his treat and his choice. A way of providing proof that he’d been listening, paying attention—somehow wanting to prove something to you, even if he’d known you for only half a day.
“So, how did Murphy get you on this?”
He studies the way you cross your leg over the other, the base of your heel tapping against the carpet—all very much guarded, on edge.
“You can tell it’s my first, can’t you?”
Javi smiles, making it softer purposefully. “A little.”
“He said you were good,” you sigh, placing your napkin down. “I assume I was chosen because it was easy. Y’know, than someone with… higher priorities. Plus, I already know the case. Guess it just made sense to send me.”
Nodding, he watches as you avoid his sight, focusing instead on the swirls in the carpet. Something ticking in your pretty little head, it forcing your nostrils to flare, for your jaw to tighten—and he’s watching it happen, practically feeling the air around you begin to vibrate from it all.
“M’not gonna let anything happen to you, Sunny. You know that right?”
That does it. Further digs in the hatred you’re feeling tenfold because the use of your new name makes you flinch. And he knows, like he had suspected earlier that it means more than just a name. Especially from the look on your face.
At first, your expression is soft, almost mask-less—no walls, no defence. Then, like magic, it shifts. It drapes down, rebuilds, and suddenly there within seconds, the same expression he’s been working with since introduction.
“I have heard how you take care of the women who work with you.”
Picking up your drink, and stirring the straw, you let your eyes meet his. The small wooden table suddenly even smaller—the large suite, suddenly constricting in a way he hadn’t expected so far.
“S’not what I meant.”
“I know.” It’s curt, your reply. Clearing your throat, you snort, “You are handsome. I can see why you did so well. And, I might not need to say this, but I need you to know I like my job, and I don’t require that kind of care.”
Rubbing his jaw, he sighs. “That so?”
“I have something that can help with that. It doesn’t talk. It doesn’t need to remind it that it’s ‘so big’, and it doesn’t need me to call it baby. It just hums—politely—and makes my thighs shake. I just need you to be with me in this.”
He snorts, draining the rest of his glass. The ice clangs just before he places it back down on the table. “You bring it with you, your something?”
Licking your lips, your mouth slides into your cheek. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
Steve had told you his credentials—how he worked, how smart he was. How easily he was able to decipher a read on someone.
He did also mention much of Peña’s backstory—including his rich history with the opposite sex. A thing you hadn’t wanted to let escape out coated in catty and wrapped in bitchy. And yet, it had all the same.
You did want to get on with him, you admired him after all. Hearing the truths from Steve made the things that swirled like gossip even more impressive.
But, in all of the briefings you’ve had before agreeing to this, your boss had failed to mention that it wasn’t just the man’s tongue that got women to confess all their secrets, but his ridiculously handsome face too.
The one that keeps turning towards you—eyes concentrated in on you as though you’re the most interesting thing he’s ever had the chance to listen to.
But, it wasn’t just that. It’s that he’s quick-witted, observant, and it most definitely doesn’t help that he’s all broad shoulders and brown eyed. That, in part, you thought you could handle.
Then, he’d flirted.
On any other day, in any other place, you’re sure you’d have melted. Likely leant forward, elbow on your knee, tracing your bottom lip with your finger just to make his eyes drop to your mouth.
But, this isn’t any other day—it’s work, a job, one that requires him (in part) to be a flirt.
Clearing your throat, you smear on a smile. “You not tried to date since you’ve been home?”
His face hardens, just slightly.
It pinching, eyes more so than anywhere else—his smile falling, descending to a thin line as he traces his teeth with his tongue. Then, his eyes shift into an entirely different brown, an explosion of shades swirling—flecks of gold and sadness-infused umber.
“No.”
Nodding, you pick at some salad on the side of your plate. “Probably a good job—don’t need any angry people coming for me when I’m curled up on your arm.”
He snorts, but it doesn’t flutter over his face. His hand remains balled up, resting on the arm of the chair—something more there, prodding, needling him. He may be so easily able to read you, but you’re sure he’s about as clear as a warm day himself.
Landing his gaze back on you, you feel it linger, hover—before it begins to slip down from your eyes, landing somewhere at your neck, before the buttons off your shirt. Something warming inside of you, flooding out, spreading across your skin as you try your damnest to level your breathing.
“Got any more questions?”
“Plenty,” you reply, almost catching the y on your teeth before placing a light smirk out over your lips, letting it move across your face.
Gesturing, Peña licks his lips and so you begin with more. Not needing the book now, just working your way through the things which populate, which appear like bubbles he bursts with his answers.
He’s open about some things more than others. The two of you covering family quickly, childhoods even quicker. You both discreetly avoid too many details of Colombia, about the things you’d already heard in chunks from your superior.
Your 101 beginner class in your new husband proving to be easier to understand than your field handbook—although, you supposed the intermediate and expert levels to him would be far harder to crack.
He’s unmarried, not dating—there’s his dad, a sea of distant family and a town full of people whom his father would class as family. You suspect some guilt there, it layered between the conversation on his dad, and the one which followed when you’d asked if the ranch would be okay without him.
“—My Pops has had help for a long time. One of them has been promoted. He… He works there full time now.”
Even if he had tried to say it simply, it was laced in bitterness—not from jealousy, you suspect from the sadness that had poisoned over time. A well stuffed with things which had rotted and gone mouldy over time.
Upon sight of him this morning, you had known you’d need to be clever, smart—find ways to compartmentalise it all. Because, when he traces his nose with his finger, when his eyes widen a little more than normal—coffee-brown all but drowning you—you had known it would be hard otherwise.
Something there, niggling, piercing through.
“Any lovers I need to be aware of?”
Smiling, you slide your feet from your heels, pulling your legs up more, swallowing. “No, you’re good.”
“Any potential risks I need to be aware of—anyone who’ll call into question your new name?”
Your stomach knots, uncomfortably so. A thing balling inside of you, that same fear you’d been plucking at for days—ever since Steve had suggested your name, thrown it out on the conference table with a bunch of greedy eyes seated around it.
“No, I… you have nothing to worry about.”
He looks at you, lets it hover, hold. Something there, trying to disguise itself in the way he narrows his eyes a fraction, in the way his lips pinch together—the way his brain seems to whir like a fan that can be heard even across the table.
When you yawn, he makes a move to tidy up the plates for the tray—batting your hand away. “I’ve got it, cariño.”
“Cariño?”
Your cheeks are warm, more so under his stare. Easily able to smother it the first time, but found it difficult the second. It’s all wide, blooming—it tracing your eyes before it sweeps back to the tray.
“Gotta call my wife something original, special.”
“I’m hardly special, Peña.”
“If I’ve married you, you’re special.”
Clamping your mouth shut, you say nothing.
Something churning, a horribleness that you know stems from the fact this isn’t real. None of it. The niceness, the ring on your finger—the one your finger slides up your palm to brush over, to trace.
The one which didn’t have a home there this morning, but now sits like it’s always supposed to. Your stare on his back as he goes to the door, pushing the metal tray, the jingling of plates and glass sounding out as your heartbeat pounds in your ears, your cheeks burn in embarrassment.
It continues to hammer when your back flattened against the bathroom door—safe amongst marble, mirrors and an array of complimentary products which covered most of the sink.
Only as you begin to undress and change for bed, does it lessen, does your composure return back to you. The mask which you so delicately applied, the one which had taken more words of encouragement in your bathroom mirror this morning than you’d thought.
Because, it isn’t that you thought you couldn’t do this—but rather why would you?
This isn’t your expertise. Not your usual field of knowledge. The last time you’d even been on a date had been at least over a year ago, and the last time you’d lived with a man had been so long ago you were worried you’d wake tomorrow and learn you have habits you weren’t aware of.
Did you kick in your sleep?
Did you grind your teeth?
“Cariño?” Peña calls out, knuckles tapping on the door. “You good in there?”
No, you want to reply. Hands gripping the sink basin, staring at your makeup-less face and the nightie he was about to see you in.
“Yeah,” you call out, washing your hands, and flushing the toilet before unlocking the door, and emerging.
He’s polite enough to not drink you in, even if you're sure he’s craning his neck not to do so.
“Look. Before you crack your neck from not doing so.”
Smirking, he traces his fingers across his chin, before slowly dropping his eyes.
And you feel them.
Warm. Hot. Sliding over your neck, collarbone, down the silk which covers your chest, abdomen and most of your thighs, before he’s running his vision back up.
“Better?”
“Nice legs.”
Narrowing your eyes, you straighten your spine. “Try not to dream about them, and Peña?”
He hums.
“Try to remember you’re not actually married, don’t want you falling for the fantasy we’re putting on. Hate to break your heart.”
Leaning against the doorframe, staring at you, you somehow manage to level your breath. “If it’s you breaking my heart, Sunny. I might just let you.”
Your mouth almost falls open. Almost.
Something you think he's aware of from the way he smiles, from the way he drinks you in before he whispers about getting passed.
Then, you're alone.
Filling your lungs with a breath, staring around the room not sure how you're going to make it a week not cracking, never mind more.
CHAPTER TWO ->
AN: thank you for letting me tell the story how i always envisioned. your kindness is appreciated.
#javier peña x f!reader#javier peña x reader#javier peña narcos#javi peña x reader#javi peña x you#javier peña#javier peña x you#narcos x reader#javier pena x reader#javier pena x you#javi pena x reader#narcos javier x reader#narcos javier#narcos fanfiction#javier pena narcos#javier peña smut#javi peña smut#javier peña x reader smut#javier pena fanfiction#javier pena smut#javier peña fanfiction#jo: let us pretend#jo: htcu#narcos fanfic#narcos fanficion#pedro pascal x reader
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The brothers (Lucifer/Mammon/Beel) + dateables (Diavolo) make mc cry
Lucifer:
You were being scolded in his office as usual along with the other brothers, for some reason, he kept blaming you for everything saying that
"You are the attendant you must stop them blah blah blah"
You never talked back to Lucifer in these moments where he was really angry, you just shut up and take it, but you couldn't help the feeling. You lips quivered and he noticed it along with the others. You suddenly burst out crying like never before. You cried of stress, anger, frustration it was all too much to handle.
Lucifer felt bad and told everyone to leave before he held your hand and pulled you close for a hug he swore to never blame you again and he made it up to you with a month off the attendant work.
Mammon:
He was playing in the casino when you came in and ordered him to leave. He was stubborn and you had to use the pact power to drag him out once outside, he started screaming at you saying that he was about to win the whole thing. You tried to reason with him because Diavolo is the one that gave you strict orders to get Mammon immediately. He wouldn't listen, he kept yelling at you amd you found yourself being overwhelmed with emotions
Amd there it was, a tear ran down your eye and you started bowling. Mammon panicked and didn't know what to say other than stuttering and apologizing over and over, you screamed at him
"I was ordered yo get you out the c-casino and back home" you explained to him your actions. And now it ached even more Mammon tried his best to cheer you up all the way back home and bought you ice cream.
Beelzbub:
We all know how he gets when he is hungry, i am talking real hungry...
Unfortunately for you, you were the first one to meet him after his fangol match that he lost. And yes he was tired and starving, and really just not in the mood for anyone, and there you were running towards him . You said
"Beel! You were amazing-" he cut you off saying "MC please i am in no mood for talking right now"
You quite down, but keep smiling nonetheless. He brushed past you and you walk behind him, you said
"You played well there are more matches to come" he suddenly looked back and lashed out on you telling you to shut up
"What do you know about fangol anyways just leave me alone"
Your eyes started to water and he snapped back to his senses , but it was too late to say anything as you ran away crying
"MC wait!" Only then he realized his mistake, he waited fir you and him to calm down he grabbed a snack to fill his stomach and came to talk to you in your room, you ended up apologing repeatedly to each other before you burst out laughing and hug it out.
Datables:
Diavolo:
He normally is a calm, collected and nice person. Poor you saw theworst of him today when he was scolding you for leaving the house late at night without one of the brothers by your side
He was worried for the image of his exchange program, what would they thing if MC got hurt. He forgot that the most important is the student itself
He stopped yelling when he heard your sniffling, Diavolo never seen you cry before and he panicked and came to your side, he cupped your face in his hands and wiped your tears away with his thumb, all he wanted now is to hold you and tell you how sorry he is for letting his anger distract him from keeping you happy.
Masterlist
#fandom#fanfic#stories#obey me#obey me x mc#obey me x reader#obey me scenarios#obey me beel#obey me mammon#obey me lucifer#obey me diavolo#obey me mc
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How will your future spouse act in front of you vs in front of others
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Piles : 1-2-3
How to choose a pile?
Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Kindly ask your spirit guides to show you the right pile for yourself and then open your eyes. Whichever pile catches your attention is the right pile for you.
Masterlist
Paid readings
I'm taking donations as I'm not a good place financially and in need of help. Please help if you can.
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Pile 1
In front of you
Your future spouse is going to act very dreamy in front of you . I'm also getting that they are going to be very needy for your attention. I am also getting that when your future will be around you they will want all your attention to be on them to the point that it is almost greedy. Another thing I pick up on is that they will be very possessive over you and they will not want you to look at other men and they won't look at other women either. They are going to be in their feminine energy around you and they will not say they care for you but they are going to flirt with you all the time. I am also getting that they are going to be very loving towards you and even when they are around others they will always think of you. They are going to act very energetic around you and I am getting that they are not very energetic around other people but with you it will be like they are fully charged.
In front of others
Your future spouse is going to act very calm and collected in front of other people. I am also getting that they will act as if they Don't Really Care what's going on around them, in fact even when they are around others they will only think of you. Your future spouse is a very emotional person in general but in front of other people they don't show their side. They act very cold and reserved around other people so that people don't approach them because I'm getting that they might have some difficulty talking to new people or they just don't know which words to use. They are great friend and other people might see them as someone who has a lot of wisdom. They might use their phone a lot around other people or they always have headphones on.
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Pile 2
In front of you
Alright so the first message I'm picking upon is that your future spouse will not know how to act in front of you because I see that they might get very nervous around you in the initial stages but after some time they are going to be very chill around you. I'm also getting that they are going to act very lovely in front of you. They are going to be very in love with you. They are going to be their true self with you. They might tell you all their secrets and they are very secretive. You're going to feel very happy once they start opening up to you. Like I said earlier they might get very nervous around you but after sometime they are going to feel very confident around you. Your future spouse is a very confident person but around you they're going to feel more confident in their real self and not the person they have created for others. They are going to act very passionate around you. You are going to love every moment you will spend with them.
In front of others
I'm getting that your future spouse is not the kind of person people like to talk to because they are very cut-throat and might use some words that are very offensive. I amfirst getting that your future spouse may have had some really traumatic experiences with people. Your future spouse may not like to interact with people but when they do they are very confident like I said they have created a version of themselves for others that is very confident and authoritative. They really don't let people get close to them, however they are also very nice to people, especially children. Your future spouse may be Pluto dominant. Your spouse is very nice to older people and children but I can't say that for people who are around their age. People don't really approach them.
.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・
Pile 3
In front of you
Your future spouse is going to act very childish in front of you because I see that they will not hesitate to do childish things with you. Your future spouse is going to help you in your work and they are a very helpful person. They are also going to be very creative around you, like they are going to show their love in the most creative way you've ever seen. I'm also getting that they are going to be very generous around you and they won't hesitate to spend their money on you. Your future spouse is going to act very balanced around you because I see that they are going to maintain their maturity and their playfulness around you so that you won't get annoyed by them. And they are going to be very patient around you. They will need your love but they won't act very needy all the time. They will give you your personal space when you need it and they will respect your boundaries a lot. They will care a lot for you but won't make it annoying as I'm getting that you guys don't like clingy people.
In front of others
I am getting that your future spouse is a very misunderstood person . They are really misunderstood by society and the people around them. so they don't really open up to people because they fear that people are going to judge them. I am also getting that others might see them as someone who keeps a lot of Secrets or someone who doesn't isn't a people person. However when your future spouse is with their friends they are the happiest because when they are with their friends there with the people who really understand them so they feel at ease around their friends. They act very friendly around others but somehow they still get misunderstood by people. They act very inspiring around others and always help people understand themselves.
.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・
#tarot reading#tarot cards#free readings#free tarot#pick a card#tarot#pick a pile#tarotblr#pick a picture#pac tarot#pick a crystal#pick a photo#future spouse#future spouse reading#love tarot reading#love reading#tarotcommunity#tarotwithavi#tarot witch#intuitive readings#psychic readings
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{ 149 }
wingmen.
megumi fushiguro x fem.reader
no curses | high school au
warnings: slight crack, but mostly fluff.
dedicated to @xbarrjallenx
to my beloved girl,
you are all that i can think of. from your bright eyes, to the way your hair seems to shine from beneath the sunlight-
you drive me crazy.
i am madly in love with you.
please say that you’ll be mine someday?
-yours truly,
your admirer.
{ … }
your lips were parted with absolute shock in response to reading the love letter that was left within your locker. your mind was in a haze as you kept reading the neat script over and over again.
in fact, you were still in shock because you didn’t think that something so sweet could even happen to you!
you recall waking up this morning feeling stressed and nervous about your upcoming trigonometry exam. even with your best friend’s meticulous and detailed notes, you ended up goofing off with nobara and yuji and didn't do much studying (much to megumi's chagrin!)
you had plans of going over your notes with megumi during homeroom, but after receiving such a sweet love letter, your desires to study went down the drain. your eyes kept trailing over each written word, but couldn't seem to recognize the style of writing at all.
as your fingertips trace at the written words, you suddenly had a epiphany-
perhaps your friends could help you figure out just who this secret admirer was!
with your eye practically glimmering with hope, you slam your locker shut before making a mad dash to your classroom, almost too eager to see megumi, yuji, and nobara again.
{ ... }
megumi was simply looking over his notes when he sees you bursting into the classroom. your features appear flustered, and he could see the way your strands of hair fell across your face.
he feels his lips twitch in a slight smile, but successfully fights back those happy emotions because it just wasn't in his style to be anything but cool, calm, and collected while in the presence of his friends-
(even if he did have the tiniest crush on you-)
but he digresses.
while yuji and nobara were talking about some new music video that was dropped by their favorite band, you take quick strides to them while holding up what looked like a letter from within your hands.
"guys look! someone sent me a love letter!"
upon hearing your outburst, yuji and nobara stopped talking about the new music release and turn their attention to you.
"whoa! that's so cool! do you know who wrote it?"
"this is actually sooooo sweet!"
megumi frowns upon hearing how overly happy and excited yuji and nobara were, which was what made the warning bells go off within his head. standing from his seat, he closes his notebook and goes to where you were all huddled together.
megumi narrows his emerald green gaze down at nobara, seeing a suspiciously familiar piece of stationary. he was itching to see just what this letter was all about when he snatches it away from nobara's hands.
"h-hey! i was still reading that!"
but he ignores nobara's protests, scanning through each written word as his forehead began to pulse with annoyance.
this was nobara's handwriting when she actually tried to write neatly!
just what were these clowns up to?
"come with me." megumi returns the letter to you and picks up yuji and nobara by the back of their uniforms, leaving you alone as you went back to staring dreamily at your love letter.
hearing both of his friends laughing while dragging them out into the hallways was more than enough proof that they had done something. only when he knew he was away from you did he finally begin speaking.
"what the hell are you guys up to?" megumi hisses at them both, feeling the annoyance grow when they casually look away from him. "i know that letter was written by you, nobara. so spill, what's going on?"
"i'm just trying to be your wingman." she tells him with a wink, all while smirking at him. "because yuji and i both know that you don't have the balls to tell her yourself."
his face began to turn hotter in response, nearly being choked with embarrassment as he pointed an accusing finger at her, "it's none of your business! if i want to confess to her, then i'll do it on my own terms!"
"yeah, surrre, you've been saying that since the end of our middle school year... and we're in our second year of high school now." yuji reminds megumi with a snicker.
"haha, yeah, yuji knows what's up! so that's why, we're gonna keep sending your beloved letters until you actually confess!"
"no, you won't-"
nobara then flashes him a sly smile, "did you not see how happy she looked after receiving that letter? she would be utterly devastated if we stopped... or maybe... even more hurt if you don't write the letters yourself."
megumi freezes, thinking back on to the joy that paints your features and how excited you were to have such a letter. in fact, seeing your sweet smile was enough to make his heart clench in response...
perhaps the reason why he was so angry and annoyed was because his friends had managed to make you smile first-
not him.
megumi moves away from them with a click of his tongue, shoving a hand within the pocket of his pants, "fine. you got me. just... don't send her anymore letters, okay? i'll come clean to her soon."
while megumi kept his back turned, he couldn't help but smirk when he hears yuji and nobara high-fiving each other, knowing that their plan was a success.
{ ... }
at the end of the school day, (when you were sure you, yuji, and nobara had failed that trig exam), you drag your feet across the linoleum floors of your school, switching out your slippers with your actual shoes when you saw a folded note fall out of your shoe cubby.
your eyes go wide when you received yet another letter, but this time, it wasn't written on a cute stationary, or even placed in an envelope.
instead, it was a folded piece of what looked like a torn page from a notebook. feeling intrigued, you unfold the note as it read.
hey, i wanted to apologize to you, since the letter you received this morning wasn't from me-
but it was written on my behalf.
those words were really cheesy, and there's no way in hell i'd ever say such things-
but that doesn't mean that my heart doesn't race for you;
it doesn't mean that i don't find you beautiful, or think about you all the time.
if you want to know who i really am, come meet me at the school's rooftop.
i'll be waiting.
-your admirer
your heart begins to race, because this handwriting was one that you actually recognized-
for you had seen such neat writing while copying and reading over a certain sea urchin head's notes.
with your heart pounding from within the confines of your chest, you immediately push your legs forward, allowing your footsteps to echo across the floors. you ignore the burning felt against your feet as you saw the door leading to the rooftop, pushing it open with the entirety of your weight.
your chest heaves with each breath that escapes from your parted lips, eyes now narrowing with a fondness when you see megumi standing several feet away from you.
his expression was shy, with his hand running across his hair as he waits for you. allowing the door to shut from behind you, you step closer to megumi and smile up at him. you don't say a word, allowing him to speak first. your eyes meet with his tranquil gaze, basking in his sighs when he says.
"nobara was meddling again... she was the one who wrote that note and put it in your locker."
you let his admission soak in before nodding, "...and...what prompted her to do such a thing?"
megumi remains silent for several seconds before admitting, "it was because of my own hesitance."
he frames at your face with his two hands then, making your face heat up in response as you were forced to look up at him. with eyes filled with adoration for you, and you feel megumi press the pad of his thumb against your bottom lip before telling you, "but, i won't hesitate anymore..."
leaning closer to you, you allow your eyes to shut in response when his lips finally met with yours in a kiss that you had been waiting for since the moment you first laid eyes on him...
a.n. - ahhh finally wrote another story for the best boy! i had a lot of fun writing this story, even if it's feels like it's been forever since i wrote for megumi 🥹 i hope you readers still enjoy it!
all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.
#megumi fushiguro imagine#fushiguro megumi x reader#megumi fushiguro x you#megumi fushiguro x reader#megumi x reader#megumi fushiguro fluff#.stories
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As im currently dealing with the loss of a loved one, this is my way of coping.
Grief
Grief is an interstellar concept. Almost every species in the galaxy has its own traditions and practices. Humans are no exception, like with most of their emotions their grief is all encompassing. Traditions vary from one culture to another, even people deal with it in different ways.
Kilare as part of a flocking species wonders about the human crewmates when one is lost in a battle. She knew the passed human Ellie very well. Turns out they grieve like a flock, huddled together weeping, almost giving into the urge to join she turns away, expecting this to last for a long time she leaves them be. When she checks next the little unit is drinking and laughing, she can hardly believe it, carefully stepping into the room “i am sorry, may i ask something?” The humans look up some still blotchy from crying, the human she knows as liz nods “you were all weeping just now, but you seem happy? Im confused…” fluffing her feathers Kilare backpedals “not to be insensitive, im just trying to understand your process.” Evan gets up and walks to her “that is okay, you knew Ellie well right? We are talking about her and how we miss her, laughing comes with the tears.” Motioning for the taller feathered woman to join the little group Moira makes eye contact and starts explaining “i know you are from a species that grieves as a group, if i remember correctly mostly weeping and spread ashes on the wind to join in every flight” impressed by the womans knowledge she nods Moira goes on “humans have many different traditions, but every one grieves their own way and time. Mostly in five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. No two people go through it the same or even through all of them. There is times we grieve as a collective, sometimes you need time and process as an individual. We are now reminiscing Ellie, but i already know im gonna have a cry later and ill never forget her.” Kamare could understand and respect that so she joined in. It soothed her soul.
It was years before she saw human grief again so up close.
When the Ri’ktil attacked they committed what humans called warcrimes without batting any of their eighteen eyes. The horror of the people quickly turned to fear. It was when they blew up a human colony Kimare saw the unified grief. Human governments trying to bargain with the Ri’ktil, families travelling to the floating remnants of the colony trying to find survivors, denying that what had happened killed everyone man, woman and child. A month passed and humanity had grown silent and passive, the Ri’ktal took this as victory and broad cast it to the rest of the species in the galactic counsel. A warning that they would stop at nothing and break them like they broke the humans. Kimare remembered her conversation all those years ago and realised that anger was still coming, she could almost seeing it brewing under the surface.
A month was what it took. A month for humans to start walking upright again. Not only humans on their planets but everyone, on every world and every ship seemed to have shared in the depression. So when the fog cleared the whispering began, then came the talking, when it turned to yelling the Ri’ktil took notice. It was too late for them though. Because humanity started screaming, unified rage became a spearhead of humans all over the galaxy, noone even considered not helping. The tsunami of humans that could not wait to tear their enemy apart surprised them, no matter their way too many eyes, this they did not see coming.
The counsel joined the humans in their fight, and quick as the Ri’ktil had invaded were they beat back aswell. The defeat of their enemies did not dismiss their grief. But instead of on a specie scale individuals began their own process. Four years later Kimare noticed a change, they had made a monument out of the destroyed colony, it seemed to signify an end point. Humans went there to process and make peace, they had accepted what had happened moved past it. But never forgotten.
Humans didn’t forget when they grieved, they remember and accept.
~~~~~~
Tadah
#humans are space orcs#humans are space oddities#humans in space#humans are deathworlders#humans are space capybaras#humans are space australians#humans are insane
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