sebastianisnothere-blog - Tumblr blog

sebastianisnothere-blog · 7 years

Text

yoonbum’s point of view

okay, so i decided to write a post for all of you who feel confused about why yoonbum behaves like he behaves

this post will be long but i hope it can help someone to understand yoonbum’s mental state at least. whole post is of course what i think about yoonbum’s motives and this is my opinion - you can disagree with me.

THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM CHAPTER 1 TO CHAPTER 14

so, first of all - i want to clear one thing that should be obvious to all killing stalking readers

the “relationship” between yoonbum and sangwoo isn’t and can’t be called love. this is a very toxic and sick relationship and sure it is between two males, but it has been shown in a really psychological way and never shown in a romantic or cute way in this comic. the author NEVER idealize any of characters’ actions. you all should know this and keep it in your mind.

so, let’s move to the main topic of this post - a yoonbum’s point of view.

as all of you know, yoonbum lived with his grandparents ever since he was kid. he mentioned it in chapter 5, when he was talking with sangwoo. he then marked that he lives with his uncle now (of course before he break-into sangwoo’s house). after sangwoo’s question about yoonbum’s uncle, he told him that the reason he cut his wrist was beacuse of his uncle and because he felt lonely. yoonbum then didn’t say the thing straightly but in chapter 7 we all can see how his uncle really treats him.

and then we can see something like flashback from yoonbum’s past.

it clearly means that yoonbum was/still is a victim of sexual abusement and the culprit is his own uncle.

although he hasn’t told about whether his relathionship with his own grandparents was good or bad, i can be almost sure that he has never felt nor understood the meaning of real love in his whole life. because of that he doesn’t know what real love looks like but he had been searching for it desperately. you can also see a weird thoughts with flashbacks from his past when he was trying to break-into sangwoo’s house in chapter 1

as you can see, these flashbacks were from very bad moments in yoonbum’s past - his life has been filled with stressful situations like for example probably misunderstanding with one of the girls from his school or - on the last flashback - probably an attempt of hit yoonbum by his grandfather but his grandmother tries to stop him.

(flashback from chapter 9 - he was probably bullied in his school age)

and then he met sangwoo - in the second semester of his first year of college (he also mentioned that he entered the college 4 years late, so it can be also caused by his mental state and abusive grandparents/uncle). sangwoo at once impressed yoonbum - in his point of view sangwoo was gentle, emapthic and considerate, so everyone wanted to make friend with him. and since that moment yoonbum had a crush on him. but caused by his distorted view of what love is he even didn’t want to talk to sangwoo - he was maybe not shy, but definitely scared of what will sangwoo do after yoonbum’s conffesion, again - due to his problems since childhood (and also to the whole problem with homophobia in korea). he also knew that he won’t have any chance to be with sangwoo. but before long, when yoonbum was in his army duty, he was being oppressed by his platoon’s fellows. and then, just accdientally sangwoo interrupted this whole bullying. and since that moment he was like savior in yoonbum’s eyes - it is very important to know because it has an influence in yoonbum’s further actions. after that incident yoonbum decided to admiring sangwoo from the distance even more, but he hadn’t seen him since that. he felt miserable and lonely and decided to just forget him little by little. until he accidentally spotted him on the street with some girl. after that the whole thing yoonbum considered as love for sangwoo and his admiration to him hit him really hard, and then he felt like forgetting about sangwoo is no more possible. so this is probably the moment when the whole serious stalking has begun.

let’s move a little bit further in action - to the moment when yoonbum found a woman in sangwoo’s basement. he didn’t even once think that sangwoo could tied her up and left her in his basement - he might as well thought that sangwoo didn’t know about such a thing. then, after sangwoo hit yoonbum with baseball bat, yoonbum was scared and filled up with confused thoughts. he didn’t recognize sangwoo.

and this was probably the moment when the image of sangwoo which was created by yoonbum’s mind has split up to two different people - one of them was the sangwoo who yoonbum has known to that moment - a gentle, warm, empathic and nice person who helped yoonbum during his army duty, and the other one was the sangwoo who was uknown for yoonbum until then - a brutal, aggressive and ruthless one who looks exactly like sangwoo but isn’t a “real” sangwoo. this is why yoonbum thought of this

then, yoonbum - afraid of dying from the “uknown” sangwoo’s hands - tried to confess his feelings towards “real” sangwoo - he might thought that by this way he could bring the “real” sangwoo back. after that sangwoo touched yoonbum’s forehead in gently-looking way. he then said that he and yoonbum should go up which was something like a singal for yoonbum that the “real” sangwoo was here back again. yoonbum was really happy and relieved but he still couldn’t believe that sangwoo really forgave him. you may notice that after sangwoo’s appearing yoonbum didn’t even once thought about tied up woman who was still near them. he also like forgot about that sangwoo had hit him and want to kill him, even more - he thought that all of these was his fault and nothing was wrong with good side of sangwoo, beacuse it all was done by his bad side.

you all know what happened next, so let’s move a little bit further again - to the moment when sangwoo was “feeding” yoonbum with porridge. sangwoo asked him how does he feel and yoonbum - probably still believing that the “real” sangwoo may come back - said “i feel good”. sangwoo was disgusted, he called yoonbum a retard and then started kissing him. yoonbum once again utterly forgot about what sangwoo has done to him to that moment and thoguht that the kiss was from “real” sangwoo and is something special.

okay, so now i want to talk about yoonbum being imprisoned altogether. before that, i want you to get to know with some like a little summary of the book which is an authentic story of natascha kampusch - a girl who had been trapped in some guy house for more than eight years (the book is called “3,096 days”, you can google it for more information). she describes in it what these eight years look like - she was being bullied not only physically but mostly mentally. she says that after some time she got used to being physically abused and imagined that she was watching the whole situation by standing nearby this guy and her body. but she never got used to metnal abuse. natascha was really strong mentally and even when she was kidnapped by age 10 it took that guy some time to break her. then she was trapped in her own mind, she had many, like, many chances to escape, but she couldn’t. her mind was so twisted due to that guy that she couldn’t even think about escaping. it was really horrible for her, she could think only about how to not annoy her oppressor. moreover, even if she didn’t know him before kidnapping, she started to feel something like pity for him after some time. she doesn’t want him to got into trouble because of her and she tried to understand him.

so i see yoonbum.

moreover, he has been in love even before sangwoo has trapped him, so his sympathy towards him is even more exposed and even more distorted. when the “unknown” sangwoo is with yoonbum, he just tried to not annoy him and do everything by right way so sangwoo won’t have a reason to punish him. in chapter 4 you could also see that yoonbum was thinking about escaping from “unknown” sangwoo (because he is still in love with “real” sangwoo), he was really confused and his mind started to twisting and imagining how would it be if he managed to run away. but even for this not-so-long period of time being impriosoned he couldn’t even tried to escape, he was so scared of what kind of punishment would sangwoo do to him after his obvious failure. (i love how author showed yoonbum’s disability to escape due to his physical and mental state by drawing him in a cage… for real, it was a really good way to show how yoonbum was feeling by then). it is alsow very important to notice that yoonbum was so desperate he tried to poison sangwoo and after realizing that it was impossible he probably tried to kill himself by eating poisoned food.

although yoonbum was aware that sangwoo has his two sides - good and bad, he still ignored almost everything sangwoo had done to him in his bad mood when he changed his side to good one. by then, only some kisses and nice words were enough for yoonbum to forget about sangwoo’s bad side. after incident in end of chapter 5, sangwoo had changed. yoonbum was still aware of his two sides, though, and in chapter 6 he concluded it.

it was probably the time when he still recognized two sides of sangwoo. but after some time his image of sangwoo started to blurring - since that time he didn’t know whether sangwoo had changed and he will be a nice person from then on or this is just an another switch to his good side which won’t last forever. then, more kisses and sangwoo being “gently” towards yoonbum. and after that the image was even more blured and twisted, so was yoonbum’s mind. but when sangwoo left the house in chapter 7, the really strong dose of common sense hit yoonbum and he realized that was probably his only real chance to escape. even though, he started to not recognize what is true and what is his imagination. he had hallucinations and a lot of visions what would happen if sangwoo was there. he utterly lost his sense of time. but during this whole hell, he decided to escape. then, he disobeyed sangwoo for the first time.

it was like he finally understood that sangwoo has never been any good, even when he is in his “good” side.

after that, sangwoo turned mad and came back home to punish yoonbum. yoonbum tried to calm sangwoo down by kissing him and proposing him another thing instead of punishment (everyone knows what he meant by “another thing”), but he was still madly frightened of sangwoo. then, it is no longer something like he want to bring “real” sangwoo back, because these sides never really existed, he realized that. after the whole “airplane” thing, yoonbum didn’t longer think that anything will work on sangwoo so he just started saying that this was too much and he remonstrated, even got a little bit angry. but after that he realized that he has no right to order sangwoo around.

but again, when he was playing cards with that old dude, he felt like he was someone special to sangwoo, because sangwoo was helping him to “win”. even after yoonbum lost, sangwoo still was treating yoonbum like he was something “special”. yet, i don’t have a clue whether yoonbum still thinks that he is someone “special” to sangwoo or that it was just another of sangwoo’s insane actions.

and in chapter 13 you could see that yoonbum hid in the cupboard underneath the sink. this action also have a two possible motives - one, he didn’t want to get sangwoo any more angry and he thought that even if he wouldn’t hide, sangwoo would make up a story to policeman that it all would look innocent in cop’s eyes, so it was better to hide, and the other motive - yoonbum still believed that he is someone “special” to sangwoo and he still wanted sangwoo to treat him in a “special” way. but then, at the very end of chapter 13, he slipped his hand off sangwoo’s back, which might mean that he believes none of sangwoo’s words anymore.

in chapter 14 he had an opportunity to escape from sangwoo again. he first started panicking where sangwoo is, but then he realized that he wasn’t literally tied up to anything, so that meant he could escape. even though he could walk, he couldn’t move, so again, it is like mental cage made of scare of sangwoo or scare of he won’t be “special” to sangwoo anymore. as i said before, i still have no clue what his way of thinking is now.

okay, so i think this is almost the end of my so-fucking-long post. i tried to not make it this long, but yet i wanted to explain my point of view, because, yeah, i feel it is really important to understand why yoonbum is or was (because i have a feeling that he has changed) like that - miserable, lonely, and that he at first wasn’t paying much attention to all these bad things sangwoo had done to him until he gave him some kisses and a “good” vibe. so, to all of you who thought that the thing between sangwoo and yoonbum is “love” - no, it never was, it is not, and it will never be. i hope yoonbum finally understands that his meaning of love was utterly wrong and does not exist in a real world.

i am also going to write a very similar post about sangwoo + his motives of murders, so stay tuned and wait for another post!

jfc, i hope it makes any sense because english is not my native nor first language, so i have made some mistakes for sure, so sorry for that!

1K notes · View notes