#Ems250challenge
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slipping away | b.b.
summary: and now, he’s not your bucky anymore.
WARNINGS: ANGST, hospital talk, swearing, vomitting,
pairing: amnesiac modern!bucky x gender neutral!reader
word count: 5.3k
a/n: a small study on a long-term relationship and the strains and disagreements that come into it. it’s been a hot sec since i’ve posted any marvel stuff. still tryna get back into writing for bucky, but this is written for @mushyjellybeans. prompt is bolded :)
“I don’t think this is something we should be arguing about,” you mutter, throwing your phone down into the car’s cupholder as Bucky’s grip on the wheel only intensifies. You slide hands over your thighs, stretching your legs against the red carpet of his newly refurbished Mustang. If there’s one thing you haven’t argued about yet, it’s the renovated ‘87 Mustang Bucky’s done over with his father, not completely done yet, but still, it looks hell of a lot better than it did before. “It shouldn’t have been made an issue tonight, of all nights.”
“You wanted to make it an issue.”
“Because all you ever want to do is fight!”
“I don’t want to fight!” he exclaims, his voice still barely containing itself and you cross your arms, slinking into your seat as you toss him a glare. “I just asked if you could see yourself even considering marrying me, and you said no.”
“Because you said I could take my time with this decision,” you snap, eyes darting from his face to the tense paleness in his knuckles. The car is thrumming beneath your thighs, purring down the highway and you shift your gaze to the window. He always drives fast when he gets pissed. “Put your fucking seatbelt on. You always get so reckless when things don’t go your way.”
The barb is meant to dig in deep, and it does because he doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.
“Bucky, seriously. Put the fucking seatbelt on,” you growl, head snapping to him again. He ignores you, and you sigh incredulously, planting your chin in your palm and glowering out into the night. “Fucker.”
He’s shutting you out. He’s shutting you out, and not listening, and you’re about to throw yourself out of this car if you don’t roll down the window.
So you do and as they travel over a speedbump coming off the highway. It’s green lights ahead, and you hope the twenty minute drive to his parents’ house is enough to let things cool off a titch, but you know it’ll only crop up because his mom will ask when Bucky’ll propose and—
Fuck. They’ll have to talk about it at home later tonight.
Bucky switches on a playlist on his phone to fill the uncomfortable silence and you think this is the kind of choice you don’t make when you’re eighteen. You never thought you might break up with Bucky because of the thought of marriage. When you were eighteen, you thought it would be something like cheating, or university, or some other factor that would force you apart.
But no, it’s marriage. A union.
Ironic, that is.
You bypass the first green light easily and in the distance, you can see the next. Leaning your head against the side of the car, you rest your arm along the window sill and just let the wind whip at your face, numb it until when you breathe, your lungs seem to freeze. The wind softens when they approach the intersection and Bucky slows down just enough to scan the road before heading forward to the next one. There are side streets feeding into the main road but there aren’t many cars. Not a lot of people drive in the suburbs on a Sunday night, and it’s been an easy drive otherwise. As they head for the last intersection between them and Bucky’s parent’s house, you spot the green light and feel Bucky speed up.
He’s eager to get out of this suffocating car, too. An uneasiness curls up in the pit of your stomach as you hear another car’s engine growling into the quiet night. Straightening up, you look around and spot no car in their direction coming close to the speed Bucky’s going. He’s pushing the speed limit, his hand fidgeting with the seatbelt as it tries to slot into the buckle and you reach forward with your closest hand and help it slot into place.
You don’t miss the way his lip twitches in thanks and you merely turn your head back to the road, watching with an empty mind, letting his music wash through you as the growling of that speeding engine somewhere down the street grows louder. You’re about to ask Bucky if he hears that when a car speeds through a red light from a side road.
“Bucky, stop!” The words are torn out of your throat as you throw your hands out in front of you.
His foot slamming the brakes, the harsh whine of the tires burning against asphalt rings in your ears before a sickening crunch sends you forward. Glass cracks, something thuds, and the last thing you know is blood slowly dripping your face, something smoking in the distance and the screams of someone before everything goes black.
.
The lights are bright and blurry as you let out a muffled groan.
“Don’t worry, we’ve got you.”
Your face is splitting pain and you groan, trying to turn your head but you’re frozen in place. Something’s wrapped tight around your neck, keeping you in place as someone shines a light into your eyes. Lungs seizing, you let out a choked cough, back arching off the bed as you try to raise your arm to the plastic mask digging into your cheeks. Something is prodding your stomach, something runs along your legs—there’s too much all at once and you try to shift away from whatever keeps touching you, but hands take you, keep you still.
“Try to stay still. I know it hurts, but you’re safe now.”
“Bucky.” His name slips past your lips, throat burning, but there’s no response. There are voices buzzing at the edge of your hearing and you blink, trying to clear your vision. Your head is spinning and you try to raise your hand weakly. Fingers take you by the wrist, gently ushering your arm back down to the bed. “Bucky.” Eyes slipping shut, your mind plays the crash over and over again. You’re nothing but a bystander.
Where are you, Bucky?
“We’re losing ‘em. Give me the paddles.”
Are you still here?
“Clear!”
Please. Stay for me.
.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“How’re you feeling, Y/N? C’mon, stay with us.”
Who? Steve, is that you?
“Bucky had to have brain surgery, Y/N. They said… they said it went well but they won’t know how well it really went until he wakes up.”
He’s alive? Oh, thank God. Thank you, thank you, thank you—
“But he’s getting stronger. He hasn’t woken up yet, but they think he’s getting stronger. Nat and Sam are sitting with him, now. We’re taking shifts to make sure the two of you aren’t alone.”
That’s nice of you, Steve. Thanks for being here.
“Oh, God, hey.”
Yeah?
“Hey, can you hear me?”
Loud and clear, Captain.
“Hey, nurse! I think they’re waking up!”
Eyes opening, you squint at the warm lamplight in the darkness of the room. Your throat is burning and your stomach is twisted, nausea swimming behind your eyeballs as your eyes flutter shut again. There’s something digging into your skull, your abdomen sore, and your whole body is wracked with an exhaustion that barely allows you to move. It’s a slow, dull ache all over you, pressing you deeper into the bed.
“How’re you feeling, Y/N?” one of the nurses asks quietly and you groan, voice cracking.
“I’m thirsty.” As they slowly raise you into a half-sitting position, your eyes barely open and you spot a shape in the corner. “Steve?” The shape moves closer and you spot golden hair gleaming in the lamplight and you laugh despite how much it aches in your chest. “Thought it was you.”
“Hey. How’re you feeling, huh?” Something nudges at your lips and you part your lips just enough for a straw to slip in. Sucking down water like you need air, you let out a silent groan. The water pushes down like a thick block of ice down a swollen throat as you manage to keep it down. “Feeling like turning away from the light?”
“Feel like I got run over by a truck,” you mutter, head sinking into the pillow and Steve’s relieved laugh soothes the ache between your temples. “Where is he?” Blinking, you see Steve’s face clear before you and his lips press together. His eyes are red-rimmed and his face looks a bit too splotchy, but you don’t point it out because it’s Steve and you love him. Your best friend’s trying to be strong as he tries to find a gentle way to put it.
“He’s asleep right now.” Asleep, you repeat dully in your head as Steve sits down by your bedside. “When you’re stronger, we’ll go see him, alright?”
“Okay.”
.
Bucky looks like he’s dead.
It’s the one thing you can’t help as you push yourself to his glass door. He’s inside, awake and talking to your friends inside and there’s a thickness to the air as he sits up straighter. Your whole body is still aching with a pounding in your stomach as you pause at the edge of the glass, frowning when Steve says something that makes Bucky shake his head.
It’s been only a day since the crash and you’ve just gotten strong enough to get up into a wheelchair, and although you’d insisted on wheeling yourself to his room, your nurse still stands a few feet away as you watch Natasha reach out a hand towards Bucky but he slaps it away, running his hands ragged over the bandages wrapped around his skull. Like he wants to pick himself apart because he’s missing something and you know.
Somehow you just know because there’s an emptiness in his gaze that spears right through you.
Tears already begin to bite at your eyes, and you open your mouth but not a sound comes out. He’s paler than a ghost and his expression is one of blank agony. He’s scrambling for something to hold onto and you think you can hear Steve beg, a quiet, trembling thing that frightens you because Steve doesn’t beg.
“So you remember nothing?”
“Nothing.”
The silence that follows hollows you. You turn to the nurse, you think her name is Linda, and silently ask her to take you away.
It takes a long time for someone to come find you. Blinds pulled closed, door shut, your room is drenched in darkness beside the lamp on your nightstand. You feel numb everywhere, but your heart is in pieces in your hands as you shove food down your ungrateful throat. Every bite feels like another bone broken and you stare blankly at the wall ahead of you.
“Bucky, stop!”
If you’d just been quicker—
“Y/N? Can I come in?” Blinking, you swallow the thick pudding, feel it stick to your throat as you let out a hoarse ‘yes’. Sam enters the room, eyes scanning the area and soaking in the bleak aura that is your recovery room. You set down the pudding on the tray beside your untouched lunch and blink again, turning your gaze away dismissively.
“What?”
“Bucky’s awake,” Sam says, closing the door behind him. You can see two other shapes outside your room as you cross your arms over your chest and lean back into your bed that’s frozen in it’s sitting position. You don’t want to look at him—have to look at him and watch his mouth form the words that’ll destroy you. “Doctors give him a clean bill of health. He’s going to have to come in for PT and checkups, but otherwise, he’s good beside a few deficits.”
“Yeah?” You feel sick, feverish. You feel like your stitches are splitting open with every second Sam doesn’t tell you the truth you know is bottled up inside him. “Anything else?”
“He doesn’t remember who you are.” But he knows you, you assume bitterly in your head and you finally look at Sam. He’s staring at you with something you might think it's pitiful and it disgusts you because you don’t want to be pitied. You don’t want anything except Bucky and you can’t have him. “He doesn’t remember anything after graduating high school, so… that’s seven years he doesn’t remember.”
Seven years.
Seven years of his life gone like smoke.
“Anything else?” you grit out between clenched teeth. Sam’s eyebrows rise but you merely set your jaw and meet that incredulous gaze of his.
“They don’t know whether or not it’s going to go away, they don’t know why it’s that time span, but it just is. They say maybe the amnesia will go away but it's a chance, and he has to regain his strength. So he’s going to have to go through a lot of therapy. It’ll help if he has a support system, you know?”
“Okay.”
You don’t mean to sound cold, but you do, because if you’re anything but, you will shatter. You know Sam wants you to jump at the chance, jump out of your bed and run up to see Bucky. You think Sam might hope that the instant he sees you, all of it will come back like something out a fucking fairytale but this isn’t a fairytale.
You’re not enough to bring him back. You’re not a miracle worker.
Tears are clotting in your throat and it’s becoming hard to breathe when you add, “Is there anything else, Sam?” He’s clearly taken aback but you can’t bring yourself to care about Sam in this moment as you grab your banana pudding again and swirl your spoon within just to make yourself look busy. You look from the yellow goop to him, a smile pulling strangely into your cheeks.
His eyes flitter from your untouched meal to your face, and he shakes his head.
“Let us know if you wanna see him, I guess,” he murmurs and you keep that tight smile on your face until he leaves. When the door clicks shut, you toss the pudding back onto your tray, grab the plastic receptacle the nurse left on your nightstand, and throw up everything.
Water, pudding, breakfast, it burns its way up your throat as you try to keep yourself quiet. You can hear your friends talking outside. Struggling to keep yourself quiet, you choke, spitting saliva out of your mouth as you grab the water from your food tray, swishing it in your mouth and falling back into the bed.
Your whole body clenches as you spit out the water and rinse your mouth again. Every movement is an aching thing as you set the receptacle down on your nightstand and close your eyes.
Your wait until you’re sure your friends are gone before you break.
You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.
Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns.
Shoulders shaking, you suck in gasping breaths as your hand crawls over your face, smearing tears across your cheeks, fingers digging into your skin. You’re suffocating and behind closed eyes all you can see is your Bucky, launched through the windshield. Your Bucky, bleeding as you reach for him but you can’t. Your Bucky, left behind on the scene because they extracted you first and you’re screaming, screaming for him to be alive, and then it’s your Bucky, smiling and laughing and whispering confessions, and he’s crying and then he’s sick with the flu and he’s finished his bachelor’s, and he has flour on his cheek, and—
And then it’s your Bucky, shouting, begging, your Bucky with his back turned, your Bucky frowning and there are new lines in his face, and new questions that never would’ve cropped up, and it’s your fault, your fault, your fault; damaged, damaged, damaged.
Your Bucky slipping away between your fingers.
And now, he’s not your Bucky anymore.
Your fault, your fault, your fault, a voice you can’t shut up in your head chants quietly.
You’re inclined to agree.
.
You sit in the cafeteria, watching as lunch hour draws to its close. You’re nothing but cracked glass slapped together with duct tape and it’s beginning to peel.
It’s only been a day since your world has fallen apart around you and you haven’t spoken to anyone. There’s nothing to say.
Natasha pokes half-heartedly at what’s left of her salad beside you as you stare blankly at the napkin holder. Your own lunch tray is empty because you’ve forced it down your own throat, but every bite had been bland—nothing but a soft mush in your mouth.
“Y/N,” your best friend begins, and your eyes drag dismissively towards her. Her blue eyes are soft, eyebrows drawn together as she sighs. “Don’t you think you should at least see him?”
“Why? He doesn’t even know who I am,” you mutter, dragging your arms towards yourself and crossing your arms over your chest. A heaviness pulls at your shoulders. “Maybe it’s better that way.”
“Hey, don’t say that,” Natasha scolds. “Don’t ever say that.”
“Why? It’s not a secret we were basically on the brink of breaking up and it’s not like you’ve told him who I was. Told him that I even existed,” you spit coldly, sinking in your chair, Your gaze drifts off to the little fake plant decorating the cafeteria table and you think, How lucky you are to be forever. “You know, at least this way, he doesn’t get hurt.”
“Except he is hurting,” she says. “His life has been wiped clean and he has no idea what to do next.”
“Get better. Move on.” The words crawl out of your mouth, torturous, and Natasha shakes her head, frustrated, but you don’t care. You’re sick of feeling like this, but you can’t help it. You can’t help feeling half-dead and exhausted and the need to look over your shoulder constantly has become second nature because you don’t want to see the man you love as nothing more than a ghost. “What do you want me to say, Nat? He wasted seven years on me and I couldn’t even say yes to marrying him. I couldn’t give him the one thing he really wanted and he gave me everything.”
“That’s not what matters. What matters is that he loves you and just because he doesn’t remember, it doesn’t mean it’s not real. He knows you’re out there. He knows he loved someone because Bucky has so much love to give, you know that.”
“He was going to leave, Nat,” you tell her quietly. The words drag against your throat like a cigarette against skin and it burns so much you have to close your eyes against the pain. “I know it. He was done.”
“No, he wasn’t.”
“He was.” You never needed eyes to see it. You know him in a way no one else does. You know that every time he looked at you, he wanted the future, and it was something he couldn’t pry out of you. “He had one foot out the door last night, so it’s a fucking blessing he doesn’t remember.”
“But you miss him.”
The words ring you hollow.
“Of course I fucking miss him. What kind of question is that?” you ask with half a forced laugh and your chest aches so much you think it might burst. “What kind of question is that?” you repeat, softer, and the laughter is gone because you want to melt away. You’ve missed Bucky for ages.
“Then, maybe you should fight for him. Maybe, you should see this as your second chance,” Nat whispers just as the door opens to the cafeteria and your head jerks up to see Steve push someone in on a wheelchair and she stands immediately. Your eyes find his pale figure before you can help yourself and you chew on the inside of your cheek to keep yourself present.
He’s better, although a bit unsteady, and he’s regained some colour but he’s still pale. He looks sick to his stomach with every second he stays awake. Natasha heads over to take the tray from Steve’s hands and retreats back to your table, setting it down in the space on the other side of you. Once Bucky slides into the empty spot beside you, you barely manage a slight smile before picking up your fork and pretending to be interested in your own lunch.
“This is Y/N,” Natasha says and your lungs spasm when you meet his blue gaze. They’re bright, warm but tired, and you swallow, trying to formulate an appropriate response. How long has it been since Bucky—your Bucky—looked at you like that? “We, uh, we were just chatting while I was waiting for you guys.”
“Hey.”
“I’m James,” he says, textbook because that’s how he meets every new face, and if you think you remember eighteen-year-old James Buchanan Barnes, his next words will be: “But everyone calls me Bucky.”
Like you said, textbook.
You drop your fork and shake his outstretched hand, ignoring how warm he is, and it’s like history is repeating itself.
“Nice to meet you.” You want to smile and the corner of your mouth lifts as Natasha grabs her lunch tray and gets up.
“Sam’s probably waiting for us to get him some coffee. He has a shift starting soon,” she says with a pointed look at you. Steve shoves his hands into his pockets and smiles at Bucky when he sends him an unsure look.
“We’ll be back in a jiff, Buck,” Steve says. “Y/N’ll take fine care of you.”
“Uh, okay.” Bucky’s eyebrows quirk and as your two friends leave, you can’t help the anger licking at your insides. You hate the feeling of his gaze on you so you resort to staring after your traitorous companions. “Sorry about that. I can go, if you want.”
“No, it’s fine,” you dismiss it quietly, resigning yourself to your fate. It’s not like Bucky can go without someone else’s help and his nurse is chatting to yours in the corner of the cafeteria. You don’t want to bother her. You’ll yell at your friends later. Right now, you just want to sleep it off. “Natasha’s nice.”
“Yeah, she’s like that once you get to know her,” Bucky returns, digging into his mashed potatoes. You pretend you don’t notice how he lowers his head as much as he can so not too much food is lost on its quivering journey to his mouth. His hand is so visibly unsteady, it aches to watch but you know he won’t want your help. “What are you here for? You look a bit banged up.” His eyes dart to the bruises along your arms and your smile grows at the concern laced behind a curious question.
“Got into a crash.” you say with half a shrug. You’ve grown used to the bruises by now. “Wasn’t too serious for me. Just a bit of a scratch on my liver.”
“Oh, me, too. I had a partial splenectomy” he says. “My brain got the worst of it, though.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, can’t remember a single thing after eighteen. So, that’s seven years ago?” he says it like he’s desperately trying to remember and your smile flickers. His face is wrought with distress now that their friends are gone, and his lips are pressed into a tight smile. “Glad I still kept with the same people, though.”
“Yeah.” He brings a scoop of mashed potatoes to his mouth and his smile sinks into your gut when he notices you’re not eating. “Are you hungry?” You blink at him, at his offer. He even looks younger without the burden of your time together.
“No, I’m okay.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” you insist before clearing your throat. Your gaze goes from your lap to Bucky just eating and you try to formulate the words you want to say into a coherent sentence. Do you remember even part of who I am? Can you even see me? “Uhm, do you… do you, like, remember a bit of what you’ve lost?” Your eyes widening, you put a hand over your mouth and duck your head. “Oh, that sounds stupid. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” Bucky smiles again, easier, as if he’s happy to talk about it, and it’s so startlingly bright your heart flips in your chest. You duck your head and grab the glass of orange juice just so it doesn’t seem like you’re just watching him eat. It’s sweet in your parched mouth. “I get what you mean. Uh, no. It’s like an empty slate,” he says and you don’t know whether or not feeling so fucking relieved makes you a shitty person or not. “I think I know time has passed, but when I try to think of those years, nothing comes up.”
You’re quiet for a long time, letting it sink in. So, he doesn’t remember the bad at all. The pain, the screaming, the empty beds and silent dinners, and you think you could cry from relief and cry from how you’ll never hear him call you dolly again.
“Yeah,” he murmurs, eyes flickering from his food to you, and your shoulders fall at those eyes. You’d fallen in love with those eyes first. They grounded you when your world was toppling—ever so steady, so collected. Now, they’re weary, lost, and you know it’s your turn.
Reaching forward, you lean on your forearm and place your other hand over his wrist. His hand, on instinct, flips over and your hand falls into his so easily. Your skin is burning at the contact as his fingers wrap over your palm.
“I’m sorry,” you utter quietly, choked out and raw, and his eyebrows knit together as they run over your face. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“Uh, it’s okay,” he says with a lilt of his lips. He’s trying so hard to be happy.
“You don’t have to lie.”
The hand holding the spoon tightens, knuckles blanching and you smile softly. That’s your Bucky, trying so hard to keep it in. You scoot your chair closer, not letting go of his hand and he sucks in a harsh breath. You can hear it tremble in his throat as you sit down close enough that your knees touch and you tilt your head to catch his gaze.
This could be a fresh start, a voice in your head whispers. He doesn’t remember the pain you brought him. You could disappear.
“It’s okay. I’m nobody,” you tell him quietly. “You don’t have to pretend with me.” He blinks, lips trembling and pale with how hard he’s attempting to keep the cries in before he drops the utensil in his shaking hand and he brings his palms to his face, hiding himself away as in shame but you only chew on your bottom lip, wrap your arms around him.
He leans into you as if on instinct and you suck in a shuddering breath at his soft weight against you. You’re holding the love of your life. Almost.
Cradling his head against your chest, you let him sob as his shaking body shrinks in your arms. His hands wrap around your arm, fingers like knives digging into your flesh. They’re talons that sink and drag down, falling limpy into his lap, and you let your eyes close, simply using your free hand to brush through his hair.
“It hurts so much,” he whimpers, his hot breath against your arm as he pushes the words out, gulping breaths filling the silence and you feel tears slip down your cheeks. “I can’t… I can’t remember anything. I can’t do anything. I can’t…”
“I know.” You pull your chin back, admiring the mess in your arms and you smile for a moment as he lifts his head up and his gorgeous eyes are glistening with tears. He lowers his head again, drawing back in your arms to wipe at his face with weak, shaking hands and you take the napkin to help him.
You gently wipe his cheeks down and his cheeks are burning to the touch.
He’s blushing.
“God, here I am,” he begins miserably, “sobbing on someone I just met. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The words come out hushed and you smile, running your fingers over his hair again because you know that’s what he likes, and his smile is barely a ghost, but it’s there and that’s all that matters.
“It’s fine. I’m a great shoulder to cry on,” you joke and his smile grows just slightly. “Well, at least it’s better than my first impression on my… ex,” you say, and your throat cinches shut as he arches an eyebrow. You pull your arms back towards you and pick up your fork hesitantly. He nods, eyes focused on you, and you sink the fork into the mashed potatoes, bringing a bite into your mouth.
“How’d you meet them?”
“Uh… at university. First day, freshman mixer or something. I was a bit drunk.” Fresh-faced, doe-eyed Bucky Barnes in a vest and jeans bumping into you. Still a picture perfect moment in your mind where you met eyes with him and didn’t want to be a goner but you were, no matter how much denial was there. “He bumped into me, spilled his drink all over me, and all I could think was, ‘What a handsome guy.’”
“Was he?” His whole face lights up, like he’s genuinely invested in this, and your smile grows, bittersweet as you nod. His smile grows sly and you want to scream. “Better looking than me?”
“I, uh—” You clear your throat— “No. Not better looking than you.”
“So, what’d you say? Or what’d he say?” Bucky asks, sniffing, and you watch as he grabs his spoon again, other hand reaching for the tissue. He blows his nose and you grab some napkins from the napkin holder for him. He dips his head in thanks as you lean against the table.
“Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”
“And did you?”
“Did I what?” you ask, smiling.
“Kiss him.”
“Yeah.”
He smiles, then, happy for you for a moment before he remembers ‘ex’ and then there’s a silence in the cafeteria.
“Do you love him still?” Bucky asks quietly. His gaze is cast off, some far off corner that you don’t see, and you realize you’re still close to him. Close enough to smell the sickness clinging to his skin, the sweat. He smells like an antiseptic grave of all the memories lost.
“Yeah. I didn’t believe in love until I met him,” you say softly, watching as Bucky raises a trembling spoon to stab at his potatoes. It’s you. It’s you. It’s you. Your heart is screaming, but your mind is a muzzle. “I wish he was here.”
“I wish he was here, too.” He blinks and it’s like he’s back with you again, gaze on yours. “I wish he was here for you. You deserve a shoulder to cry on, too.”
You barely croak out, ‘Thank you’.
#fic: slipping away#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x reader angst#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky x you#bucky x reader#bucky fic#bucky fanfiction#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader#sebastian stan x you#bucky barnes imagine#sebastian stan fic#sebastian stan imagine#Ems250challenge#my writing
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Part of the Team (1/?)
Miniseries for @mushyjellybeans writing challenge. Hope you enjoy it!
Prompt: “We wouldn’t be having this conversation if you had just listened to me!”
Pairings: fem!reader x Natasha Romanoff
Summary: Reader is part of a private investigation that is kept secret from the Avengers. Instead, they believe she took a bribe. Isolated for two years as the investigation comes to an end, reader is awarded a Medal of Honor and the team realises their mistake, but it might just be too late.
Warnings: Angst, violence, isolation and harsh treatment. Re-uploading because I don’t know what tumblr did to the original one.
Series Masterlist
You stood in the small room you had been moved to in your moment of exile. The team hadn’t shown up to the award ceremony, much expected. They had been bitter towards you for a whole two years now, you didn’t expect them to suddenly change their minds.
The empty shelves and the and the stripped bare bed showed no signs of you living inside anymore.
You clutched the medal you had been granted in your hand, the cold of the metal screaming at you that you had done the right thing and that they were wrong, but now you felt lonely as ever.
What had turned into you witnessing an event with an undercover agent, had looked to the team like you were accepting a bribe and turning a blind eye. Since then you were stuck in an investigation that had to stay secret from the team, so you had to take their nastiness in the chin. The worst was when Nat broke up with you. The disgust on her face when she saw you turn away from that agent in the middle of a fight had stained your memory.
Now that was the only look she gave you when she acknowledged you.
But your secrecy was to keep the team safe. It was for the best.
~
Fury had forced you to keep your mouth shut. Reading the file on the agent had given you some insight into what exactly was being investigated and now you were hyper-aware.
Walking into the common kitchen, eyes followed you.
“He didn’t kick you off?” Tony asked incredulously.
You looked to him and took in the looks you were being given.
“No, only a warning.” You said lowly as you opened the fridge.
Clint scoffed at your answer. “If I had my way, you’d be off and shipped right now.”
“But you don’t.” Steve butted in. He disapproved and was cold, but he didn’t act out like the rest. “So we just had to soldier on and make the best of the situation.”
You looked down at his words. Great, now you were a situation.
You snatched water from the fridge and quickly made your way out of the room, they watched you exit with shame.
You wanted to tell Natasha. You had to.
Making your way up to her room, you racked your brain of ways to deal with this whole situation. As soon as you got to her door, it swung open.
Her eyes looked at you with disgust and disbelief.
“What do you want?” Venom laced her voice.
“I need to talk to you.” You tried to sound like you weren’t begging.
“There’s nothing for us to talk about.”
“Yes, there is Natasha. Please just listen to me-“ You begged but she cut you off.
“No! I don’t want to listen to you.” She raised her voice to yell at you. “I can’t believe you would do something like that.”
“It’s not what you think Nat!”
“I watched you shake his hand and let him go, June! You can’t tell me that you didn’t let the enemy go and screwed up our whole mission.” You could, in fact, tell her that. But it was going to be hard.
“You disgust me.” Her words cut you deeply. The look in her eyes salted your wounds.
“Nat...” You tried.
“No. This,” She gestured between you and herself. “Whatever we had is over.”
~
Their resentment wasn’t the worst of it. They destroyed you in training, and eventually, you stopped training with them together. They had turned into a team of bullies, you thought it was childish, but you couldn’t blame them because of the unknown.
~
You had been trying to be nice to every member in the building. Going out of your way to getting stuff, smiling if they looked in your direction, helping them if they struggled or just trying to start a conversation. But nothing was working.
Walking down the corridor of the tower you had your nose buried into the StarkPad in your hands. Hearing another set of footsteps, you looked up to see a sweaty Bucky coming but from the gym. Making eye contact you pulled your lips into the sweetest smile you could muster, he was never one to be bluntly rude to someone since joining the team. But as you kept your smile and got closer to him, he passed you with a glare and a hard thump of the shoulder, causing you to grunt, stagger and drop the StarkPad. Steadying yourself, you looked down at the broken device. Great, another reason for Stark to hate you. You looked back at Bucky as he walked away from you, not a second glance in your direction. That was when you really started to feel unwanted and disconnected.
-
The training was the worst. They either excluded you altogether or targeted you. Each blow they gave, you took with pride. One day they would know the truth and everything would be okay.
“June, you’re up.” Steve’s voice picked your attention away from the exercise you were doing. Seeing Natasha on the sparring mat, sweaty and flustered gave you a wave of anxiety.
“June, let’s go!” Steve hurried you.
You left your stuff at that end of the room and you slowly made your way to where Nat was standing and waiting.
You were good at hand-to-hand combat, but you definitely weren’t the best. You did better with weapons and guns. There was no way you could beat anyone on the hand during a sparring session. Especially Nat.
You eyed her carefully as she watched your approach.
“What? Think you’re too good to train with the rest of us now?”
You didn’t answer her back. You stepped onto the mat and got into position. Hopefully, this would be quick.
“Go easy and be fair,” Steve warned both of you before stepping off the mat.
Nat gave no time for Steve to say go before she lunged at you. She was a blur before your eyes but you managed to dodge her. Stumbling back a bit, she took that chance to swipe your legs out from under you. You hit the mat with a grunt and a clap sounded through the gym.
Nat stepped back to her place at the mat and you groaned as you lifted yourself up. Steve watched you as you repositioned yourself.
You were starting to regret training with them, but you had to show them that you weren’t going to let them down anymore.
Nat huffed as she watched you get into a defensive stance and rolled her eyes. You had gotten used to that reaction from her, but it still hurt.
“Alright, go again.” Steve said.
He clapped again and this time, she didn’t lunge. She kept her glare trained on you as she shuffled towards you on her toes.
She took a jab at your face and you deflected but as you did, she went for your ribs, which you weren’t fast enough to dodge. While it caused you to struggle as you crunched forward and groaned, Nat kicked back one of your legs and wrapped her arm around yours. She pushed you to the mat face down her arm pulling yours back between your shoulder blades, you straining against her grip.
“Nat,” You struggled in the position she had you in. One sudden movement and your elbow was done for.
“Tap out.” She spat.
Fuck this, this was not worth it. You twisted your arm and flipped yourself up, causing her to roll backward. You felt a burn run up your arm as your muscles strained at the odd movement but you fought against it.
Expecting her to lunge at you, you lifted your arms in defense to suddenly feel a sharp piercing pain in your upper arm. Yelping out, you jumped back and away from her. Your yelp was followed by a silence throughout the gym as you looked down at your arm to see a tiny knife had been lodged into you.
Blood slowly started to seep through the wound and a tiny drop of blood trailed down your arm.
Shakily, your hand grasped the handle of the knife and you gently pull it out of your arm. You look back in at Nat with shaky breaths. She looked uncertain like she was deciding if she regretted throwing her knife at you, or if you were going to throw it back at her.
You understood now. They hated you. The hint was finally taken. She actually threw her knife at you, made you bleed.
You looked around the gym to see the same look on the rest of the teams’ faces.
“That’s enough.” Fury’s voice came from the entrance of the gym. “June.” He called to you.
Staring into Nat’s eyes, you dropped the knife to the floor where you stood. You turned, walking to where you had left your stuff, gathered it in your arms and headed out of the gym, Fury stepping aside to let you out before following you.
That was the last time you trained with them or spoke to them.
-
“You’re leaving?” Nat’s voice pulled you from your memories. You turned to the door, seeing her standing just inside the doorway.
“Yes.” Your reply was short.
Nat took a deep breath. She had only just received a notification of the award ceremony and missed it by an hour.
“You don’t have to go.” Her voice was small like she didn’t want to crack the calm exterior you were putting on.
“I handed in my resignation letter two weeks ago.” You say to her, turning back to the medal that sat in your hand. “I’ll be out of your hair in no time.”
Nat sighed. “June, please.” She stepped forward to you. A couple of years ago, the roles were reversed. “We didn’t know.”
“But you would have.” You turned to completely face her. “I tried to tell you the minute Fury finished telling me. But you wouldn’t listen, you just slammed the door in my face.”
Nat looked at you with sad eyes. Her chest caved in with the heavy guilt as she watched you. “For years the whole team has treated me like shit. You had no lesser part in that. I tried my hardest. In fact, we wouldn’t be having this conversation if you had just listened.”
“I’m sorry.” Nat’s voice was almost a whisper.
“Yeah,” You tossed the metal onto the bed. “I’m sorry too.”
You reached for your bag and pushed passed her. She watched as you walked away from her, all the harsh memories of the past two years flooding her brain and the pain in her chest expanded with every step you took.
~
You packed up your stuff into your car and made a rest stop at the bar. Sitting solemnly at the bar all by yourself with a bourbon in your hand.
This is where you were meant to celebrate with people after the ceremony. But you chose to come later when you expected no one to be there and you were right. No one you knew had shown their face and you were glad in a way. Though, you had never felt more lonely.
“Congratulations.” Fury’s voice came from beside you as he took a seat.
Without looking at him, you have a quick upturn of your lips before it was gone again. “Thanks.” You said, looking down at your drink.
“I know that this doesn’t feel like a whole lot, but you save a lot of people and helped in a major investigation that you weren’t even meant to be a part of.” He nudged your shoulder with his. “You did good. You deserve that medal.”
You didn’t know how to respond to him. You knew that this how the situation would turn the team against you. You just didn’t count on them being as mean as they were. You couldn’t blame them, but you would never feel truly a part of the team again. And the medal didn’t make it feel worth it.
“I’m not forcing you to stay, I could never. All I am saying is that they will understand now, and you will always be welcome back.” He finished his talk and got up from his seat, fishing through his pocket for some cash and placing it in front of you. “Free drinks for the hero.” Fury patter your shoulder before leaving you to your thoughts.
Tears sprang to your eyes as the emotions swirled in your chest. Hero. If you were a hero now, then why didn’t you feel like one? After two whole years, you now felt the bitterness. Bitterness towards the team, towards the investigation, towards that stupid undercover agent who was dumb enough to get himself caught and forced to reveal himself, and towards the medal that burned in your hand the first time you touched it and you were glad you’d left it behind.
“Fuck this.” You mumbled. You downed the rest of your drink and set the glass down. Getting up from your seat at the bar you made your way and fished in your pocket for your keys. You were done with this place and wanted to move on.
As if more things could hold you back, when you pushed open the bar door, you came face-to-face with the rest of the team. They were making their way into the bar to congratulate you. Steve and Bucky held bouquets of flowers and Tony and Wanda held what seemed to be gift bags.
You took their image in, a lump in your throat forming again and tears made their way to your eyes.
“We heard that you were leaving?” Tony asked you.
“You heard right.” You cleared your throat. “Please don’t try to convince me otherwise, this is already hard enough.”
“We’re sorry.” Steve said, his eyes sad.
“I know.” You looked down to the ground. “But it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Of course it matters, June.” Clint said sternly. “We didn’t know anything but-“
“So let it be then! It’s not your guys’ fault that you didn’t know.” You cut him off and raised your voice. “This was all just a big misunderstanding and nothing can change that.”
The team fell silent. You didn’t want their apologies, you hated the fact that they had to give them to you. You knew it was cowardly but you just wanted to run away.
A crack of thunder rose in the sky and lightning beamed down, signally Thor’s arrival.
Great, you inwardly rolled your eyes.
“June!” The God bellowed cheerfully. “I’ve heard of your success and have come to celebrate in a feast and drinks!” He patted you on the back.
He had been gone for the last two years, of course he wouldn’t know anything about what went down.
Thor’s words were met with silence and tension, which confused him. “I’ve missed something...” He said in a soft voice.
You finally turned to face him and sighed. “Yeah, a bit.”
You glanced back at the team and then back to Thor and gave him the best smile you could. “Thank you, so much. But I’m leaving, I’m being transferred to another agency.”
Thor’s frown deepened as you patted his shoulder and pushed passed him.
You looked over your shoulder to them. “See you around.”
They watched as you climbed into your car and drove out of the bar parking lot. Thor turned to the team and saw the stuff they were holding.
“What has happened?”
#fem!reader x natasha#reader x natasha#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff#natasha romaoff angst#natasha romanoff smut#tony stark#avengers angst#steve rogers angst#bucky barnes angst#bucky barnes x reader#avengers x reader#mushyjellybeans 250 writing challenge#fem!reader#ems250challenge
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Orange you glad it’s Spring?
Peter Parker x reader
Word Count: 660
Summary: It’s a perfect Spring day, perfect for a cookout at the compound.
Warnings: language maybe? honestly probably not but just incase 🤷🏼♀️, super fluffy
AN: This is for @mushyjellybeans 250 writing challenge. I know you have WAY more followers by now and you deserve every single one of them & so many more!! Prompt is bolded! I hope you like it 💜 // this is also a representation of some of what I look forward to when this quarantine is over! Stay safe everybody!!
Masterlist
It was a beautiful spring day, the birds were chirping and there was a nice breeze so it wasn’t too hot. Everyone was doing their own thing so you and Peter decided to go into the city and do some shopping.
“Wait a second.” Tony stepped in front of Peter, blocking the exit. “Since you both are going out, would you mind getting food for dinner? And whatever you were going to get.. here’s my card.” he reached into his wallet, handing Peter his credit card.
“Yeah, no problem. Thanks Mr. Stark!”
Shortly after, you and Peter are walking through the aisles getting the things off your list and the one Tony had texted; steaks, shrimp, asparagus, chips, and drinks. As for the two of you; plenty of fruit, water, plenty of snacks, and “Pleeease yn, baby please, can we get this cereal? It’s got a Star Wars keychain in it!!” You ended up caving, not like you were paying for it anyways, and Tony definitely didn’t care.
You got back just in time, Steve was cleaning up the grill while Sam and Bucky were almost done making a playlist for the evening. Wanda and Natasha were in the pool playing with Morgan, and Tony and Pepper were relaxing in the shade. “Foods here!”
“Thanks, Yn.” Steve took the bags you were handing him inside, probably to season the steaks and peel the shrimp.
“Hey Peter, I’ll meet you in the pool. I’m gonna help Steve with the food.” You knew he didn’t mind preparing everything by himself, but you still wanted to help. After giving him a kiss on the cheek, you walked into the kitchen and silently began peeling the shrimp. Thankfully, it didn't take that long to get everything together and on the grill.
Once you joined the others in the pool, Morgan decided all of you were playing a game. “Marco Polo. Daddy first, and no peeking!”
It took Tony all of 30 seconds to find Wanda, who couldn’t stop laughing at everyone swimming for their lives away from him. She then found Bucky, who ended up finding Sam. And by “finding” you mean almost drowning.
“I’m gonna get an orange, babe, want one?” Peter asked, swimming up behind you.
You shook your head, “Thank you, hurry up though. Morgan will probably change the game before you get back.”
Which she did, kind of, twice. First, she decided everyone was going to make a whirlpool, but once it got too fast Pepper suggested that it was the perfect time for pool toys. When everyone got out of the pool to grab different floaties and water guns, you noticed your boyfriend in the kitchen struggling with... was that an orange?
“Peter Parker, are you struggling to peel an orange?” you laugh, walking toward him.
“This is a lot harder than it looks and I don’t think you realize that!” he whined, handing you the fruit. “If it’s so easy, why don’t you do it?”
You grabbed a new one from the bag, the one Peter had was unsalvageable, and began feeling around for a good place to start. Once you found a spot at the top, you dug your nail into the peel and slowly, but efficiently, removed it from the orange. “I can’t believe you were for 10 minutes peeling a baby fruit” he knew you were giving him a hard time, he also knew how funny the situation actually was.
“It was uhh, actually three…”
“Only you, you know that?” you laugh, dragging him back outside. “I won't tell anyone.”
“Thanks, cause they’ll never let me liv-” he stared, but you were faster.
“But only if you protect me from Bucky and his unnecessarily terrifying water gun!”
Even if you weren’t currently blackmailing him, he still would have protected you. He’d protect you from anything life threw at you. Except maybe fruit that needed to be peeled, he would absolutely need your help with that.
Permanent tags: @sociallyeneptbarnes @rogvewitch @saturn-aka-six @stuckonjbbarnes @superavengerpotterstar @estillion14 @sleepingspacedragon @geeksareunique @infj-slytherclaw @imsoft-barnes @piper-koko-barnes-rogers @murdermornings @distractedgemini @screaming-fridge @readeity @whatinthyworld @my-drowning-in-time @valkyriesryde @sebbbystaaan @disaffectedbarnes @buggy-blogs @hey-its-grey @pinknerdpanda @brokenthelovely @sandyclaws @death-unbecomes-you @rhymesmenagerie @actualdpshuri @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @mushyjellybeans @https-bucky @also-fangirlinsweden @sunflowersandcherry @miraclesoflove @matsumama
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Blow off some steam (One shot)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader. (Modern day AU) Enemies to lovers
Summary: After a hard week at work, Bucky thinks you need to take a break...
A/N: This is for @mushyjellybeans ‘s 250 writing challenge!! I took me a while to write this but I’m quite content with the result! Reblogging and feedback ar3e welcome and appreciated!
Masterlist
Finally Friday, yes, after a very long week of extra hours and getting to the office really early, Friday feels so good. Of course all the efforts you’re making will pay up, because there have been rumors of a potential promotion soon, which would mean you’d get your own office. Today, at 11 AM, all your work was due and from that moment you were technically free, though you had to stay so you complete your hours. Working at an architectural firm has been one of the best experiences ever, even if you don’t have the position you dream of yet, but you certainly feel lucky to have found Steve, your cubicle neighbor, who’s been here a year longer than you have, so he helped you get settled and easily became your friend.
Steve congratulated you once you exclaimed yes! , after you sent all your work.
“Any plans to celebrate?” He asks, standing by your desk.
“I don’t think so, I’m just so tired, I don’t think I can handle a celebration right now.” You lean back in your chair, running a hand through your hair.
“Oh, come on, we should go out to dinner, it’s been a while since the last time.”
“Alright, let’s do that. I’m getting off early today, are you?”
“Yeah, me too, let me know when you’re leaving, okay?”
/
Pouring yourself a cup of coffee, freshly made by you, obviously, you take a sip that instantly brings you back to life. You sigh deeply and sit on one of the chairs to relax for a moment, which doesn’t last long as you see one of your co-workers walk in, but not any co-worker, it’s Bucky Barnes, the most annoying and the cockiest person you’ve ever met, probably. It’s not like you hate each other, but sometimes being in the same room with that man just drives you insane. He jokes a lot, a lot, and he’s not always that funny. He’s best friends with Steve, but you can’t understand how someone as likeable as Steve can deal with a jerk like Bucky. He calls you pet names, which is the worst part because he says them like he means it but you know he’s just messing with you, he never calls anyone else like that. It doesn’t help that he’s attractive as hell, he’s got these eyes that you’ve seen nowhere else, he’s got a stupidly great sense of style, he talks very smoothly, sometimes making you believe he’s flirting with you, but you quickly erase those thoughts.
As he walks in, you’re not sure if you should just ignore him, for your peace of mind, you do.
“Mornin’, doll.” He says, so you can’t avoid him now. The name makes your stomach flutter, and you hate that it does. He pours himself a cup of coffee, and you hate that it’s the one you prepared.
“Hey.” It’s all you reply, but he stands there and tastes the coffee. “Wow, who made this coffee?” You look up from your phone and take a second to respond.
“I did, is it bad?” You ask, genuinely worried that it’s not as great as you thought.
“No, it’s…amazing, there’s never good coffee here.” He replies with a smirk. “You’ve got talent, doll.”
“I’ve told you not to call me that, but thank you, I’m here if you ever need good coffee.” You go back to reading your phone, and he decides to sit across you.
“So, got any plans for tonight?” He asks, propping his elbows on the table, searching for your eyes. He never stops smirking at you, which makes your lips curl up in a smile, much to your dislike.
“Um, yeah, I’m going to dinner with Steve. Why?” You quirk up and eyebrow, tilting your head in genuine curiosity. Bucky’s heart drops, he’s always believed you have this huge crush on Steve and he wouldn’t blame his friend if he had feelings for you too, which he hasn’t spoken about, but this whole thought is one that scares the hell out of Bucky.
“Oh, that’s too bad, ‘cause I was thinking maybe I could take you out.” He rests his chin on his palm, fixing his gaze on yours.
“Oh, really?” You press your lips in a thin line, suppressing a chuckle. “I thought you couldn’t stand being in the same room as me.”
“What, the constant banters we have? Come on, doll, you know those aren’t real.” He shrugs and leans back on his chair. A very deep part of you wants to believe that, you want to think that he does all those things to call your attention and maybe show some interest, but sometimes it gets too real that you find it hard to believe that he could possibly like you like that. You bite your lip as you consider his offer, not tonight, but someday maybe.
“Well, they feel real, I was thinking you couldn’t deal with me.” You shrug innocently, hiding your face in your coffee mug, and he chuckles.
“Come on, one date.” He clasps his hands over the table, leaning over so he’s closer to you and you swear your heart stops as he stares at you with a smirk.
“I have to think about it, you’ve given me lots of headaches, you know.”
“Nice to know I have some effect on you.” He winks and you narrow your eyes at him, shaking your head. “No, but really, I want to take you out and I will, once you agree.” He nods and stands up, taking his cup of coffee.
“We’ll see, James!” You exclaim as he leaves the room, leaving you with a faster heartbeat and a stupid grin on your face.
/
“Man, help me out here, I wanted to take her out tonight but she said she had plans with you, I need you to cancel so I can go with her.” Bucky whispers to Steve in the conference room where maybe the walls are made of glass, but at least no one can hear them.
“Alright, but I need a pretty good excuse, what could I say? I was the one to ask her.”
“Tell her Peggy’s called and she has a family emergency and you really need to be with her.”
“Wow, you’re fast at lying.” Steve widens his eyes in surprise.
“Only when I need to.” Bucky holds his hands up in defense. “Would you help?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll help.” Steve says in surrender. “Just don’t be an ass to her, she’s a wonderful girl and if you hurt her I’ll kick your ass.”
“Steve, you would kick anyone’s ass.”
“I know but this time I’d have good reason.”
/
Checking if you sent the right e-mails for the last time and ordering some folders you had in a bit of a mess in your laptop, you’re still relieved of how much work you finally got done. You focus on making a good organization of your documents and make sure you save everything before turning it off, when Steve appears in front of you, with his hands in his pockets.
“Oh, hey, I’m almost done here and then we can go.” You say, looking up at him with a genuine and wide smile.
“Listen, Y/N, I’m really sorry, Peggy called and she has a family emergency. It sounds serious, I feel like I should really be with her.” His apologetic frown makes you smile at him, it warms your heart at how gentle and caring he is, especially with his fiancé.
“Aw, Steve, you don’t have to apologize, I understand, we’ll do this next week.” You nod reassuringly and he smiles at you.
“But promise me you won’t go back home and watch Netflix all night.” He points a demanding finger at you and you chuckle. “I’m serious! You deserve to blow off some steam!” He says with no amusement in his tone.
“I promise I will not go back home immediately.” You hold one hand up, suppressing a chuckle.
“Thank you.” He nods and smiles.
All your work is officially done, turning off your laptop had never been so satisfying, and you close it slowly, sighing deeply as you do. You start packing up your things when a tall figure appears out of the corner of your eye, knowing damn well it’s not Steve.
“Going home already? It’s kind of early.” Bucky says, glancing at his wrist watch.
“I know but for now I have no other plans, I assume you heard Steve has something important to do.”
“That’s not exactly true.” He takes a step forward, with a toothy grin and certain glow in his eyes. You quirk up an eyebrow in curiosity and bite your lip almost unconsciously.
“Did you have something in mind?” you cross your arms and wait for his answer.
“A few ideas, yes. Come on, have a drink with me at least.” You narrow your eyes at him and he frowns as he waits for you to accept, he expects you to, and you hate that he will get away with it.
“We’re going to dinner but just because I’m really hungry and if I drink first I’ll get drunk with half tequila shot.”
“Oh, we’re doing shots then?” You notice how he widens his eyes and they get some new, different glow in them.
“It was just an example.” You shake your head and take your bag. “Let’s go, I’m starving.” You tilt your head to one side and turn on your heel to walk ahead of him. Bucky’s heart tightens as he sees how easy it was for you to agree, but this isn’t like any of his Friday night conquests, you were the girl of his dreams. He looks down with a blushed face that he’s happy you didn’t see and shakes his head in disbelief before following you to the elevators. He knows this night will be like no other.
/
“That day I was really upset about something else! I was especially sassy and I needed to relieve some tension!”
“So you decided to just snap at me? What did I have to do with anything?” You ask him, faking offense about the day he was a total jerk to you, more than any other day. He tries to hide his amusement, he knows you’re messing with him and he loves every bit of it. Sitting in a booth at the corner of the restaurant, he props his elbow on the top of the backrest, so his whole body is facing you. You’re not brave enough to mimic his position, you’re afraid you might want to do something that you might regret.
“I’m sorry, doll, I had no reason to treat you like that.” He tilts his head to one side, his eyes searching for yours after he’s taken in all your features. “Sorry, I called you that again.” He looks down for a second, but you reply rather shortly.
“It’s okay.” You make him look at you again. “It’s not that bad but…do you call every other girl like that?” His eyes glisten at your words and he licks his lips before curling them up in a small smile.
“Do you not want me to?” His deeper voice is a delight to hear, you never thought he could get any more attractive, but clearly he still has some tricks to pull.
“I don’t want you to not do anything.” You reply after you scoff, hoping he doesn’t see how your face heats up. “I’d like to know, that’s all. I assume you’re missing out of dozens of hot girls to hit on tonight.” He laughs at that, he loves how you think he could be interested in any girl that’s not you. For many years he was a ladies’ man, he could get any girl he wanted with one or two words and that smile of his. He had enough girls to hook up with, he even had to give some numbers to Steve, who obviously didn’t even call half of them. There rarely was a Saturday morning where there wasn’t a girl on his bed and he loved that but all of that was until he met you. He didn’t have feelings for you at first, but he certainly knew he was into you the moment Steve introduced you and it drove him mad to see how smart and capable you were for your job. He’s always thought you deserve a better position but he’s been afraid to say it to you, not because he doesn’t want a promotion for you, but because he’s used to the constant banters between you two and a compliment would’ve ruined the streak.
“I don’t know, I think I’m a bit rusty.” He shrugs as if he doesn’t care for it anymore.
“I don’t believe that, when was the last time you hit on someone?” You cross your arms and the thought of the answer you might get frightens you. Why the hell does it frighten you?
“Um, do you count?” His shit-eating grin annoys you but it drives you insane, you chuckle at that, hoping it comes out as a sarcastic one.
“You expect me to believe you haven’t hit on anyone else?” He really wants you to believe that, and you kind of do when he’s giving you the most honest and genuine look you’ve ever seen on him.
“I haven’t.” He shrugs again. Both of you stare for a longer time than usual and your smirk turns into a wide smile. “Wow, I’ve never seen you smile like that to me. But I’m lucky now I have.” His voice deepens with the last words and it makes your insides tremble. Your breath hitches, as if goose bumps just ran through your whole body. An unknown feeling takes over you, you glance quickly at his lips, his pink rose lips, those he bites constantly and curls up in the loveliest smiles. He does that too, and he knows you noticed it. Letting out a small breath you lean over to kiss him, resting your hand on his neck, your thumb caressing his stubble at his jawline. He instantly kisses you back, and he can’t fight the instinct of putting a hand over your thigh, right where your skirt ends, and it makes you shiver. He chuckles against your lips at your reaction, but he doesn’t stop kissing you. He slowly slides his tongue along your lower lip, and you welcome it with a low moan.
“Shh, doll, we’re not alone.” He whispers against your lips as he slowly pulls back, leaving you with a low whimper and a deep sigh. You stare at his lazy eyes while you come back to Earth and he smiles at you, not taking his hand off your thigh. “Come home with me.”
You let out a breath and look away for a second, maybe not looking him in the eye will help you make a smart decision. “Buck,” You look at him again. “For a year we’ve been fighting with each other and saying stupid things and now…this happens. Are you sure?” You frown.
“Y/N, sweetheart, I’ve never been this sure of anything. Do you want to?” He asks to make you reconsider his request, and it’s so fucking easy to do with him staring at you like that.
“Never thought I’d say it but I really do.” He gives your thigh a squeeze, making you chuckle and peck his lips.
/
Shifting on the bed, you pull the comforter so it covers your body up to your shoulders, it’s a cold morning; you bend your legs, and sigh as you blink rapidly when the rising sun hits your skin. You know where you are and you can’t help but smile at the thought. You shift on your place so you’re facing him, his relaxed features, his pink lips and perfectly chiseled nose are such a view. He squeezes his eyes before flickering them open and you offer him a small smile, his still lazy eyes take you in for a moment and then he smiles too.
“Wow, I’ve never woken up to something this beautiful.” He murmurs with a deep, sleepy voice. You bite your lip and slide so you’re now closer to him, he puts one arm around you beneath the sheets, his warm hand caressing your back.
“You’re not so bad to look at either.” You add, caressing his cheek with the back of your hand, making him release a lazy chuckle. “If someone had told me a year ago that I’d be in your bed, I would’ve…punched them first…but I would’ve liked the thought.” You shrug, making him chuckle yet again.
“A year ago you would’ve liked the thought? Really?” he frowns in genuine surprise, and with a gentle movement of his hand, he pulls your body closer to his, your noses grazing against each other’s and you peck his lips before answering.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t gonna let you know. Would’ve fed your very annoying ego.” Fixing your gaze on his, you rest your hand where his shoulder meets his neck, and he kisses you, slow and tenderly. Your bare chest against his feels warm and comfortable, as if you’ve belonged to him for so long. Drawing your hand up to his hair, you caress his scalp as you deepen the kiss, tangling your leg with his. He smiles against your lips and slowly pulls away, making you grunt in reluctance. “If you tell anyone that I think you’re the best kisser ever, I’ll get you fired.” He caresses your back, slowly tracing his hand to your butt cheek, making you tremble.
“Kisser? What about last night?”
“One night is not enough to know that.” You bite your lip and he widens his eyes, making you chuckle. “Maybe we’ll need a couple more,” You kiss him. “Fridays.” You wink at him and he bites his lip in anticipation.
“I’m free on Fridays, how about that?” You laugh at him and sit up, covering your chest with the sheet, knowing it’s not that efficient at doing its job but you don’t mind. “No, no, don’t get up yet.” He caresses your thigh as he remains in his position.
“Come here, don’t be such a baby.” You tease him, and he groans as he sits up, leaving the sheets to cover him from the waist down. “Wow, last night I hadn’t noticed you look like that.” You blink a couple of times as you admire his perfectly sculpted chest. He chuckles and his cheeks brush slightly, making you smile. “For a very confident guy, you can’t take a compliment.” You draw your hand to his neck, tracing your fingers along his collarbone and down his chest. He places his hand over yours, searching for your eyes, he takes your hand to his lips and kisses the back of it, making you shiver.
“You’re the only girl that’s ever made me blush, did you know that?” He says, not taking his eyes off you.
“I didn’t.” You shake your head almost automatically, with his gaze tracing your features like that, it’s a bit hard to focus on words. “But it’s good to know.” You caress his cheek with the back of your hand, and he unconsciously tilts his head welcoming your touch. “You’re such a softie.” You chuckle, pecking his lips. He chuckles too, making the corner of his eyes crinkle as he blushes yet again. “Look at that smile, you’re so cute!” You tease him once more, making him laugh now.
“I love how you make me laugh.” He shakes his head in disbelief after he’s stopped laughing, and the smile you’ve been holding for a while now is even harder to erase.
“It’s quite fun to make you laugh, after so many months of wanting to kick your ass.” You shrug, reaching down to take his hand in yours, caressing his knuckles with your thumb.
“Oh, that’s not over, on Monday we’re back to our regular schedule.” You gently slap his chest and he mouths a fake Ouch!, reaching down to your belly to tickle you, making you lean backwards on the bed until he’s over you.
“NONONONO! Stop it!!!!” You scream, trying to grab his hands, but clearly failing at it. He keeps doing it until your face is red from laughter and you can’t breathe anymore. He rests his elbows at the sides of your head, staring down at you with a wide smile. Your chest heaving as you try to catch some air, but you can’t help but smile back at him. “Good, now I know your weakness. Besides me, of course.” He quirks up an eyebrow and you narrow your eyes at him.
“Don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else ?” You ask, reach up to rest your hand at his nape. He reaches down to kiss you, with a gentle touch of his lips against yours, you slowly fall for him with every time this happens.
“Not until four, no.” He frowns sarcastically, making you push him gently and you both sit up on the bed again. You reach to the end of the bed to take his t-shirt from last night and put it on before realizing he’s staring.
“What are you looking at?” You ask, tying up your hair in a ponytail.
“You look really hot in that, you can keep the t-shirt.” He gives you a quick kiss before getting out of bed, letting you admire his shirtless and perfectly sculpted torso, and you bite your lip to tease him. “What are you looking at? This is all yours now.” He says, gesturing with his hand from his chest down, making you throw a pillow at him and he grabs it, throwing it back at you, succeeding at hitting your face.
“You’re such an idiot.” You get off the bed and check your phone, taking the liberty to borrow his charger since you have 10% of battery. He doesn’t bother putting on a shirt, much to your liking, and you walk towards him, hugging his middle. “Hey, um,” you speak in a low voice, looking up at him as he rests his hands on your hips. “I was thinking we could take a shower.” He gives your hips a gentle squeeze and smiles. “And then we could go out for breakfast.” You run your hands up his chest until your arms surround his neck.
“I can’t think of a better way to spend my days.” He brushes his nose against yours, and you smile at his words.
“Days? As in…plural?” He hums and pecks your lips, and he slides his hands down to the back of your thighs, and you jump so your legs hug his waist.
“You’re not getting rid of me so easily, doll.” He says, taking you to the bathroom and closing the door behind him.
| Tagging some members of the fam I think might enjoy this (feel free to ask me to remove your tag)
@sebbbystaaan @chloerinebarnes @stuckonjbbarnes @mushyjellybeans @honeyvbarnes @babblingbonky @mrwinterr @valkyriesryde @mypassionsarenysins @livyourextralife
#Ems250challenge#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#modern day au#marvel#mcu#winter soldier#the falcon and the winter soldier#disney plus#steve rogers#peggy carter#sam wilson#sebastian stan#captain america#ca: tfa#ca: tws#ca: cw#avengers#avengers: endgame
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Let Her Eat Cake {Drabble}
This is for @mushyjellybeans’s 250 Follower Writing Challenge. I’m SO SO happy for you Em!
Prompt: “My insurance does not cover PMS.” - 10 Things I Hate About You
Pairings: Dad!Tony, Peter x Reader
Warnings: None
Summary: You had one mission for the day...eat your buffalo wings and eat the chocolate cake you had expertly hidden. That ultimate plan...until someone ruins your day.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"I'm gonna kill him." You snarl, slamming the fridge shut.
"Who do I need to plan a funeral for?" Tony comes into the kitchen, leaning against the countertop.
"NO one dad." You snap, not exactly meaning to but you couldn't help it.
Clint had taken your buffalo wings, you were sure of it and that was all you wanted. Well that and chocolate cake... And the latter you had hidden in the pantry.
"Whatever you say, darling." He hums, pouring some coffee and leaving the kitchen.
You run a hand over your braids and swipe at your stinging eyes, breathing the tears away. It wasn't that big of a deal, you knew you were overreacting but still those were your wings. As your round the corner to the common room, you prepare to yell at Clint and stop short. Sitting at the coffee table, back against the sofa cushion is the love of your life....Eating your wings.
"PETER BENJAMIN PARKER. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" You scream in horror.
"Hi babe, were these yours?" He asks, giving you a goofy smile that would typically melt you into a puddle."
“YES PETER. YES THEY WERE MINE YOU FOOD STEALER." You grumble, walking over to your boyfriend.
"I'm sorry...I-I was hungry and I saw these and...here!" He slides the container towards you, "I only had a couple."
"I DON'T WANT THEM ANYMORE." You frown, sitting down next to him.
Peter wipes off his hands and throws an arm over your shoulder but your shrug it right off, feeling your tears return. You cross your arms over your knees, letting out a sniffle.
"Hey...hey...shhh, I'll buy you more. Please don't cry." Peter is speaking softly and it makes the tears fall harder because what did you do to deserve such a sweet boyfriend?
"Promise?" You ask, looking at him through bleary eyes. He swipes tears from your cheeks and looks you in the eye.
"Anything you want, babe." You know he's being sincere...but you're still grumpy.
"Eat the wings Pete...I'm gonna go read for a bit." He nods, watching you carefully, knowing that means you just need a little time alone and you're not mad.
In your room, you pick up Pride and Prejudice, laying on your bed with a soft blanket. Before long the words blur and you fall asleep. But soon enough you're awake and that chocolate cake sounds amazing, post-nap. You head back to the kitchen, looking everywhere in the pantry for your hidden cake. But you start thinking maybe you hid it too well because you can't find it.
"Y/N is that you?" You hear Tony calling from the common area.
"YEAH! I'm BUSY." You shout back and give up, slamming the door and walking into the common room.
Pure rage instantly fills you and you reach for the closest thing to you, a fake potted plant. Picking it up, you throw it as hard as you can and it flings just short of Peter, shattering. He looks up with wide eyes, fork in hand half-way to his mouth. First your wings and now your cake...oh HELL no. Looking around you grab the TV Remote and chuck it, going wide from Peter's head.
"Y/N" Tony is shouting. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"
"I'm GOING to KILL HIM." You scream, picking up an iPad and preparing to hit him in the face.
Suddenly arms are closed around you and the iPad is ripped from your hands. Peter is watching you nervously and you realize this isn’t the best look or impression to be giving your brand new boyfriend.
“Of course you got the super soldiers to mediate, Dad.” You roll your eyes, attempting to pry Bucky’s arms open. As if you could unwrap a vibranium vice-grip.
“My insurance does not cover PMS, darling.” Tony sighs, signaling Bucky to release you. Steve makes no attempt to give the iPad back.
“I’m so sorry Y/N.” Peter apologizes profusely, “I had no idea... you should’ve explained...I- let me make it up to you. We can go somewhere really fancy. I’ll pay.”
"Fine. But I want a whole cake...just for me." You cross your arms, pouting.
"Anything you want babe." Peter smiles relieved, but just as soon terror replaces his expression, matching your own.
"Babe?" Tony turns to you, eyebrows raised. "We said no dating until you're 30."
"No, you said that dad. C'mon Peter." You reach out your hand, knowing Tony wouldn't be that mad.
"Home by 5." He yells as Peter takes your hand and whisks you to the elevator.
"Midnight." You counter.
"7:30." He yells as the doors open.
"11:30" You watch him.
"11" He frowns and you blow him a kiss.
"See ya later dad!"
"Never have children." You hear him tell Steve and Bucky as the doors close.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Guess What I Forgot AGAIN....Permanent Taglist: @bitchassbucky @mermaidxatxheart @sebbbystaaan @valkyriesryde @stibbsx @donnaintx @geeksareunique @mypassionsarenysins @morsmordrethings @my-drowning-in-time @mushyjellybeans @honeyvbarnes @stateoflovinged @chloerinebarnes @captain-kelli @babblingbonky
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Emily’s 250 Writing Challenge!
Hey everyone! I hit a small milestone yesterday and reached 250 lovely followers. I can’t thank you enough and I appreciate every single one of you!! 250 might be not a big deal, but to me it is because it was just the other week I was thanking people for 30 followers. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH! I decided to have some fun and do a writing challenge! Anyone is welcome to join this, if you want to start your fanfiction journey, hop aboard! The main thing is to have some fun!
I would just love to thank @stuckonjbbarnes for this AMAZING GIF banner!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH and for all your help and encouragement! ILY!!!!
Rules (PLEASE READ THEM ALL):
-You don’t have to be following me (but that’d be very sweet of you)
-Please reblog to help signal boost!
-Send an ask with the prompt and the character you’ll be writing please so I can keep track (Please do not send them in Anonymously)
-TAG: #Ems250challenge and @mushyjellybeans
-You can write for ANY marvel character (and it doesn’t have to be x reader)
-NO p*do, inc*est or noncon/dubcon
- One person per prompt (but if you write for different characters I’ll allow the same prompt), AS MANY PROMPTS AS YOU WANT AS LONG AS YOU DO THEM ALL!
-Please add a read more if it exceeds 500 words
-It can be a social media au or one shot or a series or drabble
-Tag accordingly and if you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask me!
-Due date is APRIL 15th So plenty of time because I want to read ALL of them.
Dialogue Prompts!
1. “Where is the idiot anyway?”
“I’m right here.”
“Surprisingly enough I’m not talking about you this time.” - ( @sebbbystaaan w/Sam // @piper-koko-barnes-rogers w/Clint )
2. “Pass the remote.”
“You have legs”
“I was shot in both knees!”
“You still have legs” - ( @chloerinebarnes w/ Bucky)
3. “I have NEVER been so insulted!”
“You don’t listen much do you?”
4. “It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did!”
5. “Follow your dreams.”
“Last time I did that, I was arrested for stalking.” ( @marvelsangels )
6. “If you do that again, I’ll throw you out that fucking window you- what are you doing?”
“Checking how high the drop is, see if it’s worth it.” - ( @crushedbyhyperbole )
7. “Fighting for our lives is getting a bit tiresome. Maybe we should try bowling?” - ( @valkyriesryde w/ our handsome Steve)
8. “What are we going to do?”
“Who said there was a WE in this?” -( @infj-slytherclaw )
9. “This is a lot harder than it looks and I don’t think you realize that.” - ( @morsmordrethings w/Peter Parker)
10. “We wouldn’t be having this conversation if you had just listened.” - ( @sestra-inestro)
11. “You look a lot different from your profile picture.”( @marvelfulxbabes)
12. “What makes you think it was an accident?” ( @firefly-in-darkness w/ Steve)
13. “Don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else?”
“Not until four.” ( @stateoflovinged w/ Bucky)
14. “I’ll have you know I’m a master at making people cry.” ( @honeyvbarnes w/ Bucky)
15. “I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘you look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.” ( @whistlingwillows w/ Bucky)
MOVIE QUOTES:
1. “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” - The Princess Bride
2. “You taste like a burger, I don’t like you anymore.” - Wet hot american summer - ( @simsadventures w/Bucky)
3. “It’s not the years honey. It’s the mileage.” - Raiders of the lost arc
4. “I’m glad he’s single, because I’m going to climb that like a tree.” - Bridesmaids - ( @livylou3333 w/ Steve)
5. “Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of our guests?”
“You don’t need me for that, sir.”
“That’s right.” - Double Negative
6. “I’ll have what she’s having.” - When Harry Met Sally ( @sebastiansloserclub)
7. “No, it’s a cardigan but thanks for noticing!” - Dumb and Dumber
8. “It’s not a man purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.” - The Hangover
9. “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.” - The Godfather -( @sweetlybarnes w/ Bucky)
10. “My insurance does not cover PMS.” - 10 Things I Hate About You - ( @stuckonjbbarnes w/ Dad!Stark)
Permanent Taglist: @morsmordrethings @stuckonjbbarnes @sebbbystaaan @valkyriesryde @livylou3333 @lovvliies @zeilenkrieg @photography-to-all @tuesdays-are-for-bobby @veganfangirl5 @iheartsebastianstan @infj-slytherclaw @honeyvbarnes @buckysdumbmetalarm @hailqueenconquer @marvelsangels @margoshanotherwriter
And tagging these because they are awesome: @chloerinebarnes @captain-kelli @babblingbonky @mypassionsarenysins @darlingtholland @stateoflovinged @pinnedandneedled @perpetually-tuned-out @mrwinterr
#writing prompt#writing challenge#mushyjellybeans#250 followers#i love you all#my friends#my rides or die#movie quotes#dialogue prompts#what a milestone#daily reblog#em's250writingchallenge
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Part of the Team Masterlist
This is a miniseries for @mushyjellybeans 250 writing challenge.
Prompt: “We wouldn’t be having this conversation if you had just listened.”
Summary: A relationship that was on the rocks was destroyed by an assumption, a team pulled apart by a secret and an accident that gives the opportunity to start over again. No matter what, you were always part of the team.
Main Masterlist
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
#part of the team#fem!reader x natasha romanoff#avengers angst#avengers x reader angst#natasha romanoff x fem!reader angst#bucky barnes angst#steve rogers angst#natasha romanoff angst#natasha romanoff smut#natasha romanoff x fem!reader#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff x reader#ems250challenge
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Part of the Team (3/?)
Miniseries for @mushyjellybeans writing challenge. Hope you enjoy it!
Pairings: fem!reader x Natasha Romanoff
Summary: Reader wakes up surrounded by people she knows but she doesn’t know enough to understand their reactions to her waking.
A/N: I just really wanted to get this chapter over with, I was sick of it. I’m also not a doctor, I only spent a brief time in hospital recently so I still have no idea what I’m talking about but its fiction anyway. I also just started writing chapter 5...you guys got something coming because that shit made me sad,
Warnings: Slight amnesia, nothing really. Possibly typos - idk once again, I’m lazy and trust a program I downloaded to fix my mistakes.
You could hear the voices of people around. Simple conversations and deliberate teasing.
“If I threw one of the chairs out the window, how many spins do you think it would before it hit the ground?” You heard a male ask.
“If you kept asking me dumbass questions I’m gonna throw you out the window. How many spins do you think you would do?” Another male said in response.
There was a pause.
“I mean we’re pretty high up so probably a few. It depends on the spin of your wrist.”
“God, do you ever shut up?”
“How about both of you shut up?” Another male butted in.
There was another pause.
“It was just a question.”
There was then what sounded like a clutter and someone struggling against someone else.
“Stop it now.” Someone growled.
Then a door opened.
“I’m gonna have to ask some of you to leave. Fighting in the patients’ rooms is not tolerated.” A woman’s voice told the men and there was no argument as a shuffle of feet followed out of the room then the door closed again.
The silence was cut short by the sound of fabric rustling next to you and a squeeze on your hand. You felt someone caressing the back of your hand and your fingers and a pair of lips connected with the palm of your hand.
Feelings the affection, you willed yourself to move your fingers, but you couldn’t just yet.
The door opened again and a woman’s voice. “Just a check-up.” Another woman’s soft voice hummed in response next to you. As you felt movement around you, you managed to move your eyes around, eyelids becoming less and less heavy and you could finally see some light. The dull light in the room came with a sudden wave of nausea and pain. Which caused you to groan.
The person next to you moved so fast another small wave of pain went through you.
“June?” She spoke and squeezed your hand.
You squeeze your eyes shut again as pain throbbed in your temples.
“Oh, June.” The woman sounded like she was sobbing.
Coming to your senses, she sounds familiar. Those men sounded familiar.
“It’s best if we give her some room, Ms. Romanoff.” Another woman’s voice said.
The door opened again.
“June? June, honey can you hear me?” A male called to you.
“June, We are your nurses Luke and Amy. Can you hear us?” The same woman’s voice said.
“She’s responding?” Said a different woman.
“Yes, doctor.” Said the man.
Too many people in the room now, you try to open your eyes but more pain came.
“Hurts.” You groaned.
“Alright, June is okay.” Said one of the women. “We are going to give you some Morphine, does that sound good?”
You groaned in response as you felt a rush of cold go through your arm. Soon enough the pain started to smooth and it became bearable to open your eyes.
The first thing you see is a beautiful woman with velvet red hair, tied back but falling out everywhere. Her worried, green eyes peered down at you. Nat was here.
“June?” Asked another woman. You look to your left to see a woman in a white coat next to you. “Can you tell me your date of birth?”
You mumble your date of birth to her like muscle memory.
“Okay good.” You watched her through strained eyelids as she scribbled something down on the pad she was holding. “Do you know what country you were last in?”
You thought for a moment. “United States?” You doubted yourself, it felt like a distant memory of being in the United States.
The doctor studied you for a moment before nodding to herself.
“June you are actually in London. You’ve been here for a long time.” She said. “I’m am your doctor, Dr. Patel. And you have been unconscious for the last week.”
You frowned at her. You don’t even remember you became unconscious in the first place. Now you’re in London.
You looked to Nat very confused. Your mind was all muddled.
“Nat, happening?” You asked her.
She watched your eyes with hope. She hoped that you had remembered your time together but she dreaded you remembering the treatment that you suffered while they thought of you as a traitor. But, also dreading needing to tell you again.
Nat leaned forward and grasped your hand. “You got your head, June. You were on a mission here and you were hurt.” She told you.
You were slightly taken aback by her tenderness towards you, as if you weren’t used to her touch anymore, or at all.
“Was anyone else hurt?” You asked.
“A few others, but they are all in their separate rooms. And the team is here too.” Nat reassures you.
On cue, the door opens and in steps in Fury, Clint, Bucky, Sam, Steve and a woman who was almost Steve’s height with a strong sense of authority. She reminded you of Fury. And you heard Clint, Sam and Bucky arguing before.
“Hey, guys.” You smile at them.
The men’s worried faces turned into ones of soft smiles. Bucky waved at you from where he stood.
“Hey there, June.” Steve said.
“So, none of the team got hurt? Just me?” Your words made Nat pause.
“June, what’s the last thing you remember?” Nat frowned at you and ran her thumb over the back of your hand.
You stumbled over the thoughts in your mind. Your memories felt so jumbled and a mess that it made your head hurt again.
“I don’t know.” You uttered out after a moment of thought.
“June.” The tall woman stepped forward. “Do you know who I am?”
You thought for another moment before saying. “You’re familiar, but no, I don’t know you. I’m sorry.”
She gave you a soft, close-mouthed smile. “No need to apologize. My name is Drew Campbell and I’m very glad that you’re okay.” She then looked to Fury, nodded and bid him fair well.
“Okay, I think we should clear out and let the doctor do her evaluation.” Fury spoke up and ushered everyone out but Nat hesitates as everyone files out, not letting go of your hand. “It’s alright Ms. Romanoff, if June’s alright with you staying then you can stay.”
She looks at you with pleading eyes as if begging you to let her stay. You squeeze her hand.
“Please stay.” You told her.
She smiled at you and nodded. “Of course I will.”
~
Evaluating you, they came to the conclusion that you couldn’t remember a lot of the last 4 years. Very small memories you picked up on showed that you couldn’t connect them to major things that had happened.
Not only could you not remember the entire investigation and the undercover agent, but you didn’t remember getting together with Nat.
“We dated?” You asked her as she still held onto your hand.
She nodded at you, both hands clasping your hand and rubbing her thumbs over your fingers. This loving warmth from her is something you once wished for when you first joined the team and its something that Nat had craved for longer than she would like to admit.
“But we broke up?” You frowned to yourself and fiddles with the oxygen hose up your nose. It had been making you uncomfortable but they insisted that you keep it in to best measure your oxygen levels.
“Yeah,” Nat looks down at your intertwined fingers. “Yeah, we broke up.”
“What happened?”
Nat took a deep breath. There was no way she could tell you about this right now, but she couldn’t not tell you. It would all be way too much.
“It was a misunderstanding.” She told you. “A bad misunderstanding on my behalf and you tried to make it right but I didn’t listen. It’s my fault.”
Her words make you sad. You could remember having the biggest crush on her, always observing how she fought and how she beat almost everyone at training. She was a whole lot of woman and after trailing after her for a while, you got together and broke up. And you don’t even remember it.
“I’m sure we can work it out?” You squeezed her hand in hopes of convincing her to start over.
She gave you a sad smile. But one that held hope. But behind it was fear.
“I hope so.”
Nat went to lean down to you to place a kiss on your cheek when the door opened, the doctor, Steve and Fury stepped through.
“The good news is that you are in a much better state than we thought you would be. A little time to rest and recover will do you a lot of good. We will keep you here for a couple more weeks, possibly days, before we send you home, though.” Doctor Patel said positively.
“Oh good.” You were thankful that you’d be able to go back to the familiar soon.
“But no missions for a long time. Your body still needs to heal from the bullet wounds and you don’t want to rattle your brain any more than you already have.” Steve pointed to you.
You gave him a captain’s salute. “Yes, sir.” Trying to lighten the mood.
“And when you’re all cleared to leave, we have your room set up for you back at the compound.” Fury assured you.
“Okay.” You sighed. No matter what, you had a space to go back to.
“I’ll try and stay here for as long as I can.” Nat tapped your hand.
“Thank you.” You smiled at her.
Tags: If you’re in the tags, please show some love and like, reblog, comment and share. It would be very appreciated. Crossed out is not working.
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#fem!reader x natasha#natasha romanoff x fem!reader#natasha romanoff x reader#reader x natasha#natasha romanoff x fem!reader angst#natasha romanoff smut#natasha romanoff angst#avengers angst#steve rogers angst#bucky barnes angst#tony stark angst#ems250challenge#thor#clint barton angst
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Part of the Team (4/?)
Miniseries for @mushyjellybeans writing challenge. Hope you enjoy it!
Pairings: fem!reader x Natasha Romanoff
Summary: Reader returns to the compound after a very long time and you try to adjust to everything again while the team deliberate about what to do with the truth.
Warnings: Angst, lies, nightmares, and amnesia. This gif bc she’s cute.
The team prepared everything for your arrival back at the compound. They set up your room and they cleaned almost everything, wanting you to feel as comfortable and at home as they could.
After getting rid of everything that you even remotely enjoyed out of spite years ago, Tony made sure to replace everything and fill your old room with your old decorations and the snacks that you once liked.
Every time they put a box of your favorite cookie or snack on the self or your favorite drink in the fridge, their hearts twinged a small bit.
You were such a good friend and you took everything they gave to you, and now you couldn’t even remember it.
They all in some way hated themselves and they didn’t need Thor to remind them of that.
You and Nat walked off the quinjet, with her carrying your bags and you carrying what little stuff you could. A little bag of clothes that they peeled off of you in surgery, the toiletries that you have been collecting in hospital and your new medication.
“Well, nothing looks like it’s changed.” You said, squinting slightly as you looked up at the compound and the sun invaded your vision.
“Tony actually had a movie room installed.” Nat looked back at you.
Your eyes widened. “He did?”
“Yep, now we have proper movie nights after a mission.” Nat’s smile fell slightly, you had been very excluded from those movie nights when it was installed. There were nights when she walked passed the living quarters and you had fallen asleep alone on the couch with movie credits playing.
“I know the best seat in there, I’ll save it for you.” She winked at you, causing you to blush.
Walking through the compound to the living quarters, you were met with the team.
“Welcome back June!” Wanda cheered as she saw you enter, running over to give you a soft hug.
“Hi!” You said happily. The rest of the team came over slowly and gave you gentle hugs, careful not to hurt your still recovering wounds.
“It’s really good to have you back here.” Tony said with a nice smile.
“I’m glad to be home.” You had little greetings with everyone before you moved onto your room.
Nat led you to a room that was right next door to yours.
“Is this my room now?” You asked in confusion. Your room used to be up another floor with Clint and Sam.
“Oh,” Nat said in realization. “Yeah, when we got together we put in a request to have us moved closer together so Tony moved you down here.” She explained.
“That’s nice.” You smiled at that thought, you did think the rooms were a bit bigger on the lower floors.
She pushed open the to see a perfectly decorated room, like you had never been moved.
Photos had been placed on shelves of you and your family, also ones of the team. Your bedding had been replaced and some artwork was laid across the walls.
“Courtesy of Stark.” Nat said as you stared at the strange abstract artwork.
“Huh,” you mumbled in response. Looking at all the shelves a shine caught your eye.
A framed medal stood proud on the shelf, shining under the window light. A tiny circular medal with an A inside it.
“What’s this?” You ask, mostly to yourself as you lift the face carefully and hold it to close for you to see.
Nat turned from where she was unpacking your clothes to see you holding the frame. She had it framed the day after you left and set it in her room. She is very proud of you for that and decided that it should be shown off even if you hated it.
“Oh,” She forgot her words for a moment. “You, uh, you were awarded that a little while ago.”
You turned to her, surprised and very confused. “Why me?”
“Because you were a part of a very important and private investigation almost three years ago. It ended a couple of months ago and you and a few others were given a medal.” She explained. “It was a big investigation. And we didn’t know about it. That caused a few problems in the compound.”
“Was that the misunderstanding that broke us up?” You asked.
Nat’s body stilled. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to tell you how brutal she was to you. She hated the fact that she caused the most hurt for you.
“Yes, it was. But that was not your fault.” She got closer to you, watching you observe the medal. “You saved a lot of people. A whole country from corruption.”
You looked up at her, tears starting to form in your eyes.
“And you deserve it, June.” Nat lifted her hand to your face, gently caressing your cheek.
You stood in her embrace, her green eyes connecting with yours, she searched your eyes for the emotions that you were feeling, she hoped to read you.
You couldn’t help but lean into her. You felt the need to be as close to her as you could.
She leaned into you as well, your lips just touching. But before you could kiss her, she hesitated.
You pulled back to look at her face and frowned in confusion.
Nat just gave you a closed-lipped smile and rested her forehead against yours.
“Believe me, I really want to.” She almost whispered to you. “I really want to. But you just got back.” She swallowed before continuing. “You’re recovering. You barely know me.”
“I know you perfectly well, Nat.” You said, reassuring her. “And during this relationship, I can get to know you more.” You reached up to her hand on your cheek and put pressure on it, keeping her close.
She caresses your face, feeling the skin she has so long wanted to feel. She was soaking up this moment, but she had to pace herself and allow you to heal. From everything.
“Ms. Romanoff, your presence has been requested in the common room.” F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice spoke through the room.
Natasha sighed. She gave you a light kiss on the forehead and gently pulled away from you.
“I’ll see you later. Get settled back in.” She told you before leaving the room.
-
“We have to tell her eventually.” Bucky said.
“And we will.” Tony told him. “But we should really let her settle in first. She just got back and she’s still recovering.”
Nat nodded. Bucky was right, and so was Tony. She should know but she should be able to feel welcome and know they are sorry when she does know. Both came from the best intentions.
“But if we wait too long then it will backfire.” Steve gave his thoughts.
“You’re all right.” Fury said, announcing his presence. “She should know, and when she is ready, she will know. Don’t give it to her to fast, it might confuse her and scare her off. But, try before she remembers it on her own.”
He turned to Natasha. “I think it might be best if you break it to her, you might be the one she trusts the most at the moment.”
Nat watched him walk away. The guilt was eating at her and the fear of reliving you walking away from her only fed that guilt. And now, the pressure was added. But eventually, you will need to know. You deserve that much.
~
“June! Get out of there!”
“He’s going to get away!”
“He’s not worth your life!”
Voices were screaming at each other in your mind. Different accents around you and flashing images of people in uniform, a dark building and lots of smoke.
You saw men running with guns, a tall woman running next to you and the sound of gunshots ringing through the air.
“Stop! June!” The British tall woman ordered you.
You stopped, but lights were coming at your face quickly.
-
You wake with a gasp as the lights made impact. Sweat dripped down your neck and made you feel bothered.
You sat up and threw off the covers, quickly moving your feet to the door and walking at.
Your knuckles rap on Natasha’s door quickly before opening it.
“Nat.” You whimpered, closing the door behind you. She was already out of the bed and standing.
Without thought, she opened her arms for you, which you immediately run into.
You let the tears flow into her singlet as her fingers went o your hair and massage your scalp.
“Shh, it’s okay.” She nuzzled into your hair. “C’mon. Sleep in here.”
She gently pulled you to her bed, climbing in with you. She wrapped herself around you to keep you safe and warm. You kept your forehead and nose pressed against her chest, breathing in her scent and allowing yourself to calm down.
You feared the unknown, but what you did know was that it was safe and comfortable with Nat, and those longing feelings were never going away.
Nat quietly whispered in your ear sweet words, lulling you to sleep and running her fingers through your hair.
And that’s where you slept for the next couple of months.
With Nat.
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#fem!reader x natasha#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff x fem!reader#fem!reader x natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff angst#avengers x reader angst#avengers angst#bucky barnes angst#tony stark angst#steve rogers angst#avengers x reader#ems250challenge
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