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#But I really do hope that this does inspire people
cherry-leclerc · 3 days
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star-crossed ☆ mv1
genre: angst, fluff, humor, lots of back and forth, smut
word count: 9.1k
Fixated, you and Max struggle to stay away from one another. All the while, everyone tries to convince you that it won't ever work out.
nsfw warning under the cut!
18+...penetrative sex, fingering
inspired by this !
cherry here!...as a wise person once told me: footnotes = crumbs. hope that helps!! enjoy :)
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The table was long, practically going for miles, but not really—it was just your closest friends. They all converse with one another, talking about the upcoming season, the upcoming season, and oh, what’s that? The upcoming season. And you’ve had enough of it, he can tell, so he gently rubs his thumb over your hand, easing your nervous tick. 
White florals lay neatly on the wooden top, fairy lights hang up above your heads, and Frank Sinatra plays from your fiancé’s phone, connected to the Bluetooth. 
Pierre stands up firmly, clinking his glass with a spoon. When it doesn’t seem to get anyones attention, Alex lets out a loud whistle. Everyone’s heads turn. “Merde—finally. Well, first of all, welcome on behalf of the groom's best man!” Crickets. His smile drops. “I-Its me. I’m the best man.”
“More like Best Party Killer. Sit down,” Daniel yells, aiming a peony at his friend's head. 
The Frenchman swats it away, to which Kika glares as it hits her. He nervously chuckles, pecking her cheek, swiftly. “Comme je le disais…we’re here to celebrate two very important people. Can ya take a guess?”
“Why did you choose Pierre as your best man again?” you whisper to the twenty-six year old. He shrugs, hushing you once before his watercolor eyes flicker back to his friend. 
“Any more guesses?”
“Okay, thank you!” you yelp, standing up and motioning him down. “Thank you, Pierre, for saying a whole lot of nothing, really.”
The blue eyed boy silently pleads, hands pressed together in prayer. “Oui, oui, I’m done, I’m done.” A warm hand snakes to wrap around your wrist and you sigh, sitting back down onto his lap. He clears his throat. “I thought we could go around and…share some stories about the soon-to-be husband and wife. I’ll start.”
“Great,” Kika groans, massaging her temples. 
“September 4, 2022.”
-
Circuit Zandvoort—September 4, 2022 (Dutch Grand Prix)
“You said it would be warm!”
Lissie squeals when you reach out to pinch her forearm. “I said slightly warm. More so cool.” A harsh glare. She winces. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”
Despite the evident goosebumps, you march your way over to the pen, awaiting your first interview. Lissie stands besides you, raising two thumbs up and a toothy grin. You got this! Your stomach churns as you fix your set up. She’s right, you’ve worked for this moment, day and night. You weren't going to mess up for any reas—
“Should I just come back later or…”
Blinking, your heart stops beating as your mouth runs completely dry. He looks around for his publicist who just sighs and starts tugging him away. 
And we’re here with Max Verstappen, Lissie hisses—assisists. Coughing loudly, you bring up the microphone to your lips. “Max Verstappen!” The RedBull driver turns back to face you, clearly puzzled. You cringe at your sudden outburst, but continue. “So nice to see you. Saw you had a magnificent drive.”
Blue eyes pierce basically through your soul. He smiles, shoulders relaxing, hands leaning against the barrier. “Yeah. We did have a lot of luck on our side today. Plenty.”
It wasn’t that hard to pick up from there, question after question being basically given to you, to which he answers with professional ease. His dimples even pop out with every punctuation, it makes your chest swell. You clear your throat, eyes flickering to your list that now narrows down to one last inquiry. 
“Everyone nowadays fears you, it seems like.” He laughs, rolling his eyes. “But I do have one question—how does it feel to be the villain in all of Formula One?”
His smile slips away. “Sorry?”
“Uh-oh,” Lissie mutters.
But you don’t catch onto it, his sudden defensive tone, his dark glare. Beaming like the sun on the earth, you nod. “Well you aren’t the most liked, per se. Often hated by others. Do you think your dominance has affected your relationship with the drivers on the grid?”
When you finally look up, you clearly notice his change in demeanor, and that makes you flinch. We should get going, his publicist squeaks, already pushing him away. Let’s not air that last question, thank you. 
Fiercely, you turn to face your friend. “I still had a minute left!”
“Why would you say that?” she screeches. “Why, why, why?”
You blink. “I’m lost. What did I do wrong?”
The brunette sighs, brown orbs analyzing the short clip. “You got on Max Verstappen’s bad side, that’s what.”
-
“Their relationship had started rather…rocky,” Pierre announces, swaying his hands back and forth for emphasis. “But don’t you worry! I. Fixed. Everything.”
-
“She really said that?” 
Max whips his head to Checo, then to Yuki, then to Pierre. Each wears a loopy smile. He scowls. “She’s new here, she must be—I’ve never seen her before. Who does she think she is?”
“A legend, that’s who,” the Frenchman retorts, almost high and mighty. 
Max takes a long sip of his energy drink before scoffing. “I don’t care if she’s royalty, I’m never willingly doing an interview with her ever again.”
A few hours have now rolled by and you’ve finally realized—you messed up. Here you go, basically painting him out to be the bad guy, when really, he’s just a strong driver. No one thinks he’s a villain, you think he’s a villain. 
“You think he’s going to protest against me? Get me fired? Boycott? Hates me?”
Lissie giggles, tidying up the equipment from the last round. “No. No. No. Maybe?”
Groaning, you hit your forehead over and over again with your clipboard before a sharp accent makes you stop. “Hello.”
“Oh! Hi!”
His lips stretch, then steps closer to you. “I’m Pierre—”
“I know who you are,” you cut him off. “It’s so nice to meet you. I’m—”
“New?”
Your cheeks burn up at his accuracy. “Yes?”
“I thought so,” he pronounced with a goofy grin. Annoyance builds up inside of you but hold back and bite your tongue. The Frenchman fixes his sunglasses that lay on the bridge of his nose. “So…I’m going to take the chance and say that what you asked wasn’t meant to hurt his feelings?”
You soften up quickly. “I hurt his feelings?”
A nose scrunch. “Let me backtrack; Max doesn’t have feelings, therefore there’s nothing to hurt, but he does hold killer grudges, so yeah.” He lifts the frames. “He doesn’t like you.”
“Lovely,” Lissie mumbles from her spot besides you. “Is there a way…we…can fix all this misunderstanding? Because that’s what this is! A misunderstanding!”
The Alpha Tauri driver clicks his tongue in deep thought. “There’s not much to do other than apologize. Explain yourselves, maybe? He’s very Old-Fashioned.”
“Okay, yes.” You scurry down the paddock. “I could do that! I could so do that.” 
“Other way!” he yells. Turning around, you see him pointing you down to the right. You giggle, nervously, and continue your sprint.
You catch him quite fast; his tall stature and blond hair are pretty easy to spot. “Hey—hi!” Gasping for air, you clutch onto your side. “H-hello. Again.”
His jaw ticks once, and in an eerie motion, a warm smile forms. You shudder. “Yes?”
“I just wanted to apologize about before. That was not the right thing to say, I am so sorry…please don’t demand for my release.”
A dark brow quirks up, looks around, then back down to you. “I’m not here to ruin your life, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
You sigh in relief. “God. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” 
Crouching down to you, he tilts his head to the side with a sly grin. “You’re very welcome, but that doesn’t mean I like you.��
Your breath hitches, shivers spreading like a wildfire. “Sorry?”
“Yeah.” He steps away. “You already said that.”
-
“He was a bit guarded. Definitely guarded.”
“Isn’t this supposed to make me look good?” your fiancé grunts, dark eyes narrowing down on the Frenchman. “You know what? Just sit down.”
Pierre smirks. “See? Guarded.”
-
Autodromo Nazionale Monza—September 11, 2022 (Italian Grand Prix)
“I’m not a quitter.”
“There we go!”
“But he makes me want to quit.” “Oh, well now we’re back to square one,” Pierre groans. “He’s being hard headed, that’s all. I’ll talk to him again, don’t worry.”
And he does. 
It happens during one of the worst moments in your life; you weren’t wearing makeup. 
“You look—”
“Hideous?” You blush. “Yeah, don’t even mention it.”
He swallows, digging his hands deep into his pockets. “I wanted to apologize… for the way I reacted. It was immature.”
“N-no, you had every right to be upset. I crossed the line and I’m sorry.”
Max nods, Adam’s Apple dancing up, then down. “Truce?” 
Staring down at his large hand, you smile and slip yours past it. “Truce.”
And as a rare occasion, his smile meets his eyes, crinkles and all. The RedBull driver disconnects first, then rubs his jaw once before signaling down to your wet hair. “Pool day, I see? Enjoying the benefits?”
With a cheesy look, you shrug. “It’s one way to relieve stress.”
“Yeah—and what’s another?”
His tone is sultry and irresistible, you can’t help but rip your gaze away. “Anything that brings thrill, I suppose.” A tick. “Whatever that may be.”
“And what if it’s something bad? Does that still count?”
You laugh, throwing your head back. The Dutchman’s lips wobble as a weak attempt to not smile. “You’re not a bad person, so yes.”
His tongue clicks. “Uh, I don't know. As I recall, you called me a villain?”
Groaning, you gently smack his chest. “Will you ever let it go?”
“Might take me a while…”
Just as you’re about to respond, your phone rings and you smile. “L-Lissie.”
 The blue eyed boy nods. “Are you going to be interviewing me from now on?”
“Ah—is my ban lifted?”
“Yes.”
You roll your eyes. “Then yes.” Strolling past him, you wave. “See you around. And put on some sunscreen. It’s good for you.”
-
“Where are you even going with any of this?” Lewis hollers from the end of the table, taking a sip of wine. “You’ve just been talking about yourself, not them.”
Pierre scowls. “I’m getting there!” He returns his attention to the couple, gleaming. “So, as you can imagine, once I weaseled my way in and fixed their problems—your welcome, by the way—a certain spark came through. It was clearly evident.”
-
Marina Bay Street Circuit—October 2, 2022 (Singapore Grand Prix)
“Nepo-Baby?”
You hum. “They all are.”
Lissie groans. “So how will I know which one?”
“Oh, you’ll know.” Squinting accusingly, the British girl sticks her tongue out before standing up, hands on her hips. She yawns. “I have to go find Will. Something about—whatever, you probably don’t even care.”
You giggle. “Nope. Have fun.”
Silence engulfs you as you close your eyes momentarily, pulling your coat over your chest. 
“Don’t you have to watch the race in order to report back on it? Ask questions?”
“Dude, I was just falling asleep…” You peek an eye open. “And yes. But it hasn’t started, so I'm clear.”
Max whistles, unimpressed. Falling down next to you on the fluffy couch, he places his hands over his stomach, closing his eyes, too. You try not to laugh and instead do the same. 
“Haven’t seen you around much.”
“Been hiding from you.”
“Seems like. Don’t do that.”
“Fine.” You grin, sitting up straight. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”
“Probably.”
You snicker, pink tongue poking from in between your teeth. The cold air makes you snuggle deeper into your wannabe-blanket and he can’t help but take occasional glances. Teeth chatter. “C’mon. I’ll walk you.”
“...and I turned and said, isn’t that Celine Dion?” Lissie waves her hands back and forth, swaying like a Fly Guy. She pouts, stopping her movements. “Turns out I was just really freaking high.” Will laughs, jotting down God knows what onto a piece of paper as she continues cluttering herself with an obnoxious amount of wires. The British girl huffs. “Y’know, sometimes I wonder if it was—” A sharp gasp. “Him? Oh my—it’s him!”
“Don’t you mean her?” Will hums from his spot, still not looking up.
But wide-eyed Lissie stares with her jaw on the floor as you and Max cross by, laughing and pushing each other as you make your way down the paddock. As soon as you blush when he winks, it becomes all the more real. The young reporter nods, curled hair bobbing up and down. 
“R-right—her.”
-
Autódromo José Carlos Pace—November 13, 2022 (Brazilian Grand Prix)
“Is he cute? Yeah, maybe.” A finger pinches her top lip before releasing. “In a weird way.”
“Hey,” you warn.
“Is he your type? Don’t know why, but yes. I could see why you’re into him.”
“Great…”
“But is he the right choice? No. Not at all.”
“...and fantastic.” Flopping down onto your towel, you groan. Suddenly the blazing sun wasn’t the worst feeling because Lissie was right. It’s unbearable, almost. You prop up, facing her with a scrunched nose and squinted eyes. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit too harsh?”
“Oh no.” A sip of coconut water. She purses her lips. “God no.” You sigh, slowly, then sprawl back down with a sour snarl. You can hear her debate; muttering, mumbling. Still, that doesn’t get rid of your bad mood. The brunette pokes your thigh gently, nibbling her bottom lip. “He’s just so—and you’re just so—” A beat. “I’m just looking out for you.”
“Yeah.” Waves crash harder. Sun beams brighter. You open up the bottle of sunscreen, spurting some onto your burnt legs. You rub briskly; up, down. She flinches. “Yeah, I know.”
-
“And for a while, that was that,” Pierre announces, feigning indifference. “No more love birds.”
“Oh,” George blurts. Dark brows pinch up, teasing smile playing out. “Then why are we here?”
“Oh God,” you groan, digging your face into the nape of the twenty-six year old. You can faintly sniff out his musk scent, clean and so him. It makes you smile like a teen. “What if we just elope?”
He chuckles, vibrating and sending you on your own personal rollercoaster. “We always can. Is that what you want?” And he asks because he knows—no. That’s not what you want. Separating yourself to peck his cheek, you shake your head with a playful pout. “No. That’s not what I want.” 
“Good.” Watercolor eyes flicker to where Pierre finally gets yanked down and Lissie takes over with a proud smile. “Because I think this is actually going somewhere.”
-
Bahrain International Circuit—-March 5, 2023 (Bahrain Grand Prix)
So you kept your distance, and oddly enough, he did too. For plenty of reasons. And it wasn’t even that hard, really. He spent his summer break traveling and you spent yours as a homebody. No texts, no calls, no nothing.
“Heads or tails?”
“Tails.”
A sly grin. The silver coins flips a couple rounds before jumping up and down, clapping. “Heads! Go on, Coffee Boy. Oh, and make it extra sweet.”
“You’re going to get a sugar high and not be able to sleep later.”
“Until I can feel my teeth rot,” you retort, slipping your tongue over your pearly whites. 
Answering a few emails, you perch onto a chair. It’s too stiff, so you twist and turn until you ultimately decide to just stand. A gust of wind salutes you as your orbs flicker up to the sudden shadow. A breath catches. 
Max tilts his head in greeting. “Working hard already?” Your lips part. “The season’s barely begun.”
And just like that, your world tilts on its axis, but this time with more to lose. 
-
“As your best friend—” Lissie points clumsily at Carmen who giggles while the British girl furrows her thick brows. She glances around before spotting you dying with laughter on your fiancé’s lap. She claps. “I knew straight away—he was the one for you.”
-
Miami International Autodrome—-May 7, 2023 (Miami Grand Prix)
“How long has this been going on for?” she hisses, disappointed eyes challenging both you and Max. She gags at the hickeys on your neck and his tousled hair. 
With wobbly legs, you take her hands into yours. “A week—”
“No.”
“Well, two—”
Green paints her face. “No.”
“One month,” he murmurs from his corner in the elevator. Watercolor eyes flicker up, loopy. “It’s been a month. Ever since—”
“Azerbaijan.” Shamefully, you look down at your shoes and nearly scream bloody murder when you spot your thong just a few steps behind her. “Ew, gross,” Lissie gasps, shutting her eyes in despair. Taking in the opportunity, you scatter down and retrieve the thin fabric. The Dutchman releases a laugh, but bites down when the British girl glares hard. She curls a brow at your breathless state. “What the fuck are you doing?”
Giggling nervously from your place on the floor, you keep your hands behind your back; out of sight, out of mind. “Begging for forgiveness?”
“Oh stop it, a piece of land is what I need in order to forgive you for being dumb as shit.”
You frown, but quickly stand up when she exits the elevator. You can hear him follow with a bored expression. “Lissie, wait!”
Like a spinning top, she turns back, long layers slapping her pink face. “You two know this isn’t a good idea, right?”
“Yes—”
“For a million different reasons—”
“I-I’m aware,” you stutter. 
“Then why did you do it?” she whispers. 
And the truth is, you don’t know. All you know is that nothing else matters when you're with him. It’s sickening how blindsighted you get. Anxious eyes twirl over to the blue eyed boy who shared the same expression despite being unbothered a few seconds ago. 
Licking your lips, you play with the fabric. “That’s it. We’re done.” You turn to the RedBull driver. “Tell her.”
“Done.”
For a moment, you almost let yourself flinch from how fast and easy he’s able to say that one word. Lissie’s judgmental eyes look at you, then him, then sighs, reluctantly nodding. An awkward moment ticks by and then she’s focused, appalled. 
“Are those your panties?”
-
“You were like a dog who couldn’t bear the idea of leaving its bone.” Everyone snickers while you throw the same peony Daniel had aimed at Pierre to shut him up. She laughs, raising her arms up in defense. “And I know—I know—I came in like a monster, warning you off of all the drivers because like it or not, they’re scumbags—” 
“Ey. Watch it,” Carlos deadpans from the corner, brown eyes playfully glaring. 
She shrugs. “But I no longer liked playing the role of an evil step-sister so…” Tears brim and you choke on a wet sob. “I’m just so happy that you’re happy.” A pause. “That you're both happy.”
Leaping off his thick lap, you rush over, embracing her. She laughs, returning the gesture. “I love you,” you start. I know. “And I’m so happy that you never—”
A knowing smile. “I’d do anything for you.” 
-
Circuit de Monaco—May 28, 2023 (Monaco Grand Prix)
Sneaking into his motorhome, you moan as soon as he gets his hands on your; sliding up and down your body with urgency. Heat radiates off of him and onto you. All of this— the cramped room, his lips attacking your neck—makes you dizzy. Clutching onto his sweaty hair, you arch, completely to him and for him. 
“We s-shouldn’t.” You gasp. Long fingers tease your aching pussy as you whine. He instantly slaps a large hand over your mouth as he continues his movements. The stretch burns, but it's fairly familiar that you don’t even cry out, just stare back with knitted brows and an open mouth that he can’t see, but can feel expand beneath his palm. 
“You’re probably right.” A steady stroke. “You should be out there.” His knuckles curl as he reaches your g-spot. “Preparing those foolish questions.” A muffled moan. “But you’re here, because you know that this excites you as much as it does me.”
Calloused pads push down before drawing figure eights deep inside. “You’ve been a bit uptight. Could it be—”
“No,” you cut him off. “Don’t even try and blame it on—”
“Fine, then answer me one thing; is this stress reliever a bad thing?” 
Feeling your orgasm rolling in is one thing, but your snarkiness is another. Gritting your teeth, you force him down to kiss you, teeth and all, and then rip away with a sultry smile. “Maybe, but who cares?”
You’re not completely off. At that moment in time, neither of you cared about the consequences. It’s just that as soon as a room of watchful eyes flicker to you two, you swallow a low wince. 
Grabbing your microphone, you fix your disheveled hair. Lissie’s eyes flicker between you and him, slow and scary. Like she’s reading right through you and your lies.
Beaming at the awaiting grid, you raise your chin up. “Who’s ready?”
-
“Finally,” Daniel yells, rolling his cuffed sleeves. “Someone with an actual story to tell.” A wide smile has never made you more nervous than at this very instant, so reasonably so, you swallow the entire glass of—
“Vodka, baby! That was my vodka—your champagne is right there.”
Blinking, you giggle, wiping your plump lips with the back of your hand. “What yours is mine, no? Isn’t that what marriage is all about?”
He chuckles. Lean arms wrap around your waist like a harness. “Keep this up and you’re not going to be able to sleep later.”
“The opposite, actually,” you state as a matter-of-fact. “Just need to get blackout drunk.”
He cocks his head to the side. “That’s not like you.” “...should have seen her! She was wasted as shit!” the Australian yelps, buzzing with excitement. You nip at the air all while he raises his voice an additional octave. “I found her there, at the bar, close to getting alcohol poisoning, but you know what they say—only drunks and children tell the truth.”
-
Red Bull Ring—July 2, 2023 (Austrian Grand Prix)
“Oui, the beer! Fucking amazing,” Pierre declares with a mouthful. 
“Say it, don’t spray it,” someone screeches, and is quickly identified to be Alex when he wipes his shimmery forehead. You laugh, taking baby sips from your drink. Shirley Temple, because contrary to belief, you weren’t a nasty drunk.
The Frenchman pouts, tapping his fingers against the brown glass. He turns to you with a sheepish grin. “I read your article.”
“Yeah?”
He nods. “Have to admit, it's kind of boring. It’s not your fault though. Max Verstappen's domination has made the sport sort of…” He pretends to wilt, to which you toss your head back with laughter. 
“Your time will come, Pierre, your time will come.”
“Shit, shit, shit! Bathroom!” Lissie’s long legs wobble like a plate of jello as you hurry over to catch her. 
“Crap—you smell like shit.”
The British girl squeals, yanking her hair, dancing from side to side. “I smoked a fat blunt, but never mind that, if I don’t find a loo in approximately five seconds, then I will smell like actual shit.”
A nose scrunch. “That’s not very lady-like.” She paces some more. “Let’s go.”
Meanwhile, on the other side of the crowded room, Max watches as the two journalists slip away. He keeps a close eye for a while until a certain brunette swoops in right next to him with a loopy grin and crinkly eyes. 
“You should talk to her. Seems like you really like her.”
“What? What makes you say that? What makes you think that?”
Daniel shrugs, rotating his blunt back into his mouth. “Dilation.”
The Dutchman gags. “What…like when a woman gives birth?”
A sore laugh. “As in your eyes.” Another hit. “Y’know…they just look—different. When you look at her, I mean.”
And he hopes it is not apparent that these words make him swallow. For the past year, he’s tried his best to hide his feelings for the sake of not making a fool out of himself, and later for a whole other, but…
He licks his sudden dry lips. “Hm. Doesn’t matter if my eyes fucking shine or not, she’s not my type.”
The Australian frowns. “Sucks. Lissie’s really cool.” His eyes flicker over to the RedBull driver in a nonchalant manner, but when he blinks back with rose tinted cheeks, despite not having a sip of alcohol, he chokes on his puff. “Oh shit, no…”
In a flash, Max yanks the blunt away, dipping it into an anonymous drink. “You’re right, she is so cool—”
Brown eyes narrow down in accusation, brows knitted sharply. “Right, but we’re not talking about Lissie…” A wince. “Mate, you can’t…you know you can’t.”
And just like that, Daniel notices the blown out pupils revert back to its original shape. Small and empty. “Yeah. Of course.” He plops back down onto his stiff seat, rubs his eyes, then smiles. “I know that. I-I-I was never going to—yeah.” 
-
“He—” Daniel points over to the broad twenty-six year old who sits with a timid smile. “...didn't have a single sip of beer that night because he was too focused looking after her.” A whistle. “And if that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.”
“Wow, congrats,” George says to your fiancé. “For not being an alcoholic, really, that's impressive.” You can hear the humor that coats his voice and you can’t help but giggle. Calloused fingers slip up to pinch your thigh as you laugh harder. 
“That’s why I drank twice as much that day,” Pierre announces with a firm voice. “Because he was missing out on some fantastic beer.”
“Drunkard,” Alex whispers to Lily who stifles a snicker. 
The tall Australian clicks his tongue. “So who was the wasted one who confessed their little white lies?”
Everyone’s eyes turn to face you as you burn up with mortification.
“What the fuck, I barely even drink!”
-
Red Bull Ring—July 2, 2023 (Austrian Grand Prix)
“You.”
“Me?”
You snarl, stomping over. “She's a lightweight, dumbass. Why would you get her high? Jesus, we have a flight in eight hours.”
Daniel cackles, clapping as if delighted at the fact. “She kept insisting! I felt bad.”
An eye roll. “Douche.”
He tries to make it up to you with a drink. “Pierre says they’re good.” You eye the bottle hesitantly. He sighs. “Come on, trust me.” He eventually sneaks off for a minute, but returns with a new blunt. 
“Did you pull another one out of your ass or where did you get that from?”
“Oh no. How many did you drink?”
Squinting, you motion him to take a seat. He does, but he can’t even smoke in peace now that you sway from side to side, despite being seated. “I don’t know. Too many.” He groans, large hands tugging his hair. You take a long sip, then raise your glass like some wannabe. “He told me he loves me. Tonight. Right when you left. And you know what I told him?” Another sip. “I told him I love him too.”
The Australian chuckles. “I didn’t expect you to fall for someone like him.”
“Me either. But I fell—tumbled.” You frown. “I’m just not sure this is the right thing to feel, y’know?”
His orbs flicker to the twenty-six year old who huddles with a bunch of the other drivers. He smiles, tilting his head. “Why not?”
“Because everytime I look at him, I fear the way my heart beats. He laughs, I laugh, and it feels wrong. He smiles, I smile, and it feels wrong. He makes one of our inside jokes, I understand, and it feels wrong.” A shaky laugh. “And something that should feel fucking right, doesn’t.” Glossy eyes switch over to him. “Does that make sense?”
“Not really.” 
“Great,” you let out, wiping your tears away. “It’s fine, I didn’t expect you to understand.”
Daniel smiles, fondly, like an older brother. “It doesn’t, and you want to know why?”
“Why?”
A second passes by before he leans back against his chair. “Because it looks like you really—really—like him, so why should any of that matter? Just let yourself be happy, fuck everything else.”
You scoff, furrowing your brows. “You’re a bad influence.”
“Why?”
“Because it would never work out.”
“And why not? You’re giving up too eas—oh.” Almost robotically, he drops his blunt into your beer bottle. “You can’t…”
“Yeah. I know.” A pause. “Beer’s ass, by the way.”
-
Daniel taps his fingers against his chin, comedically. His orbs flicker between you two who stare up at him in deep focus, awaiting for his next words. He grins. “You two, it works. It always has.”
-
Circuit Zandvoort—August 27, 2023 (Dutch Grand Prix)
“Oh fuck,” he grunts, thrusting into you harder as you cling onto his arm, eyes screwed shut. “H-holy fucking—hell.”
You moan, mouth hung wide open. “Feel so good, Maxie, so, so good.”
Blue eyes admire the way you arch towards him like some sort of warm invitation. The way your legs lazily drape over his sweaty waist, how your scent hugs him like no one else. It’s all so familiar, and nice, and right. Your soft palm grazing his jaw makes him alert in an instant, desperate to not miss a single thing that lives inside this moment. 
He furrows his dark brows. “We-We’re not made for one another.”
“I know.” He grunts, animalistically. “They warned me about you.”
“They told me to stay away from you.” His tip brushes against your g-spot and your head lolls back, a loud sound. “But God, it’s been impossible.” 
“Max, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—I’m close.”
He grins, rubs your clit, and whimpers when he feels you reach your orgasm. You shudder when he follows soon after, face digging into the nape of your neck. Your heart pounds like a ticking time bomb, but still, you run your fingers through his dirty blond waves. 
“Lissie…Daniel…they’re—”
“Right?” You choke up. “Yeah, you don’t know how much I hate that they are.”
He pulls away, and somehow, his watercolor eyes appear more blue than ever before. Black, almost—nearly. And you’re sure yours do too. 
Max plays with your hair, tracing it like a map. He gulps. “So do I.” A tug. “I love you. Y-you weren’t some fuck buddy to me…you’ve always been more than that. And…I hate that too.”
A wet laugh. “I love you, too.” Wobbly smile. “And it’s because I love you that I know what comes after this.”
He hums. “What would that be?”
“Nothing.”
-
“I know many of you guys are wondering why I’m best man—”
“Not wondering, more like questioning,” Carlos quips with a sly smirk.
Pierre flips him off and you laugh at the immature interaction between the drivers. “Because it really could have easily been anyone else. Ha! Even you Carlos.” The Spaniard mocks him with a shady, playful, look. 
“Then again, who would have thrown a better rehearsal dinner for Charles and his bride-to-be?”
-
Circuit Zandvoort—September 4, 2022 (Dutch Grand Prix)
"You got on Max Verstappen’s bad side, that’s what."
“It’s probably nothing or he’s just a sensitive little pussy,” you shoot back defensively. 
Lissie snickers, hushing you, orbs scanning the pen. “You can’t say shit like that! Any of it, actually,” she adds. “Just…think before saying anything.”
You huff, arms crossed, stubbornly. “Fine.”
As the open area starts filling up more and more, by some miracle, your nerves start dying down.
Or so you thought.
“Before I let you go, I do have one more question.” Charles smiles down at you, shy dimples poking through. You return the gesture. “Would you consider yourself Ferrari’s savior or their scapegoat?”
“Jesus,” the British girl groans, covering her eyes with second-hand embarrassment. 
The Monegasque lets out a nervous laugh, turning to face his publicist who simply tippy toes and whispers something into his ear. He nods. “I-I-I actually have another interview set up, but thank you for your…questions.” Pink tints his ears as he looks at you one more time before strolling away.
“Alrighty then,” Lissie hollers. She sneaks the microphone away. “Jitters, totally normal, but yeah, you’re done for today.”
-
“I don’t care if she’s royalty, I’m never willingly doing an interview with her ever again.”
“Would you look at that?” Pierre gloats with a wicked grin. “Max Verstappen got butthurt.”
The Dutchman scoffs. “No, I did not. I just don’t like stupid questions, and she made one.”
Yuki snickers at his wary response. Pierre rolls his eyes. “I could talk to her, if you want me to. I love shit like this.”
“I don’t.”
“Well too bad, I’m going to.”
-
“Yeah. You already said that.”
Dumbfounded, you blink as he walks away, wet towel draped over his head. If you had known he was this much of a shithead, then you wouldn’t have bothered to try and apologize. Clicking your tongue, you burn with fury as you glare, but as soon as the Ferrari driver brushes past you, you fall back from your trance. 
“Hey!”
He turns, green eyes furrowed with confusion. “Hey.”
A wince. “I’m sorry about my ignorant question from earlier. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” 
Charles blushes. “Am I that easy to read?”
“No, but Pierre let me know.” You awkwardly kick your shoe against the pavement and his eyes follow. You stop. “I sort of pissed off two of the most important drivers on the grid today. You, uh, just happen to be one of them.”
He softens like ice cream on a hot summer day. “I’m not pissed.” You almost let out a giggle from how foreign his accent makes the curse sound. He stammers. “You just caught me off guard, that’s all. Plus, I can’t answer questions like those. It would make all of us look bad.”
“Oh. Duh. Of course.” Now you burn up. “I should have known. And it’s no excuse, but I’m new and I’m just…figuring it out.”
His eyes crinkle as he nods. “Who was the other driver?”
You groan. “Max.”
He winces, shaking his hands, theatrically. “Yikes. Yeah, now he’s probably pissed.”
-
Autodromo Nazionale Monza—September 11, 2022 (Italian Grand Prix)
 “Will you ever let it go?”
“Might take me a while…”
As soon as your phone dings, vibrating against your palm, he curls a brow. “L-Lissie,” you fill in with a subtle smile. “See you around. And put on some sunscreen. It’s good for you.”
Rushing back to the pool with a new bottle of SPF, you grin as he aims a deadpan expression. “A little Vitamin D is always necessary.”
“Don’t care, I don’t want to look like a peanut in two years.” You plop some onto his hand as he childishly swipes it over his face. You squirm with the way droplets slither down his toned chest.
Charles extends his hands. “Can I have some more?”
You laugh, wet hair tossing back like a curtain. “Hypocrite.” 
Green eyes glare down, playfully.
-
Marina Bay Street Circuit—October 2, 2022 (Singapore Grand Prix)
“I can’t believe someone’s rocking your boat,” Lissie yelps, clutching onto your hand desperately. “This is monumental.” A teasing giggle. “We should definitely document this.”
As soon as she pulls out her phone, you flip her off. “And this, my dear, dear friend, is why I’ve been keeping this a secret.” She zooms in as you laugh, brushing her away. “Quit!”
The British girl groans, slipping it into her back pocket, then wiggles her thick brows. “Can I guess who it is?”
“No.”
“It’ll be fun!”
You spin around. “No, Lissie—no.”
“Nepo-Baby?”
Flustered, you twirl your necklace and hum. “They all are.”
“Fucking hell. So how will I know which one?”
A mocking laugh. “Oh, you’ll know.”
The brunette stays wondering despite being in the middle of telling her story from last week at the pub. She traces back to every possible driver, but they’re all natural flirts, so fuck that, how would she ever even be able to guess that—
“Oh my—it’s him!” She gasps with hawk eyes as she watches you two keep a careful distance from one another, as if temptation burns within the gap. Lissie lets out a delirious laugh as she turns to Will, who is still rather focused on his task. “I, um, will be right back!”
Wearing a goofy smile, you make your way back to the pen, but squeal when a firm grip wraps around your waist, tugging you into a cramped bathroom. You cringe at the suffocated smell. On the other hand, Lissie jumps from corner to corner. “How did I not notice? I mean, shit, you’re eyes—they’re huge!”
You frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
With a toothy grin, she pokes your ribs. “It means I know who it is.”
Your heart stops, then bite the inside of your cheek, feigning indifference. “We’re just getting to know each other, but he’s really kind, and I…I really like him.”
“Oh, I bet you do,” she whispers in a seductive manner, jeweled hands slapping your ass. You chuckle, opening the door, and turning back. “You get lost in his eyes, don’t you? Heard that could happen.” A swoon. “So what? Are they like the ocean? Like a blueberry Laffy Taffy?”
“Hm. No. More like green apple.”
She halts, mid-shimmy. “What do you mean green? His eyes are blue. And I would know—they scare me half of the time.”
“What are you talking about? Charles’ eyes are green.” The brunette gapes, mouth hung wide open as she pushes herself to speak, but can’t find the strength. You knit your brows, neat and high. “I told you not to scroll through your phone at three a.m. anymore. See? Jet lag is catching up to you.”
-
Autódromo José Carlos Pace—November 13, 2022 (Brazilian Grand Prix)
“I’m just looking out for you.”
“Yeah, I know.” Tired eyes squint over at the blue waves, then at the kids who build sandcastles. 
She sighs, propping herself to face you with a sorrowful smile. “It’s okay to be confused about your feelings.”
“You don’t have to sugarcoat it, I know its as bad as it sounds.” You raise your straw onto your plump lips, sucking. “But they’re just so different from one another. I mean, Charles makes me feel giddy. Like really giddy. It’s nauseating. He’s sweet, and caring, and he's snappy but it’s endearing.” A soft smile and dreamy eyes. “He even helps with my notes.”
“But Max…he’s hot tempered. It drives me nuts. He never asks for help and always hides behind some brick wall. It isn’t like him to show me that he’s interested in getting to know me, but…” Cries ring through the hot air as a wave washes the sandcastle. “I want to get to know him. The real him.”
Lissie’s lips turn downwards at your broken tone. You act uninterested, but she knows it just for show, and that might be the worst torture of all. 
She bumps your head with her shoulder, softly, and you instantly pout. “You’ll know what to do, babe. But if we’re being realistic here, Charles won’t wait forever.” Pause. “And Max isn’t the kind to grovel for anything other than podiums.”
-
Bahrain International Circuit—March 5, 2023 (Bahrain Grand Prix)
“Heads! Go on, Coffee Boy. Oh, and make it extra sweet.”
Charles lets out a heavy sigh, shoulders drooping as he strolls away. You pick and choose emails to respond to before leaning against one leg, typing away fiercely. You even have time to get back to your sister who begs for a souvenir. Any, she adds with a thousand smiley faces. 
“Working hard already? The season’s barely begun.” Your breath catches so sharply that it hurts your throat for a second. His voice is somehow deeper, but it could be because you haven’t seen or heard from him in about forever. Max steps closer. “H-how was your summer break?”
Your berry lips open, then close, then repeat. It’s embarrassing. “Never bad to get ahead, and I—had a good one. Much needed.” He nods attentively. “You look—” You stop before admitting. “Healthy. You look really healthy”
A booming chuckle. “Thanks. You look really healthy, too.”
Blue eyes linger for a second too long and that fills you up with unwanted adrenaline. “Why are you here?” Pink expands through your cheekbones as you grimace. “I mean—here.” You point at the tiny tent as if it weren’t obvious what you were referring to. “Here, here.”
The Dutchman’s lips dance, fondly. “Well I was walking by, saw you, and wanted to say hi.” He looks around with a subtle frown. “Is now a bad time?”
“Well—”
“Mate,” a sweet accent rings through the air as you screw your eyes shut. Max turns to face Charles with a slow grin. The Monegasque tilts his head in greeting, hands occupied with your beverage and his. “How have you been?”
“So, so. Yourself?”
“Good. Refreshed.” 
“For me?” he jokes. The brunette chuckles, raising the coffee cups with bright orbs. “Lazy Carlos, always sending you, right?”
The Ferrari driver shakes his head, curls following, then hands it to you. You hesitantly take it from him as you avoid eye contact. “Thank you, Charles.”
His smile widens, pecking your lips. “Still don’t think you should drink it on a daily basis, but hey, you’re welcome.”
Max blinks. “W-when did this happen?”
The green eyed boy hums, lips twisting against his straw. “Over break.”
“Oh.” Gaze slips over to where you bite your cheek. “You spent it in Monaco?”
A harsh tick. “Yes.” With an open mouth, he nods, like a muppet. You purse your lips, facing your boyfriend with pleading eyes. “Do you want to start making your way over? I don’t want Carlos to say anything about being late. You know how he is.”
Charles snickers, then intertwines his fingers through yours. “See you on track?”
The RedBull driver released a low breath, cracking a smile that looked more like a snarl. And while Charles doesn’t notice it, you do. Of course you do.
“See you on track.”
-
Miami International Autodrome—May 7, 2023
“Then why did you do it?” she whispers. The judgment and confusion that radiates off of Lissie is enough for you to grow gray. She rolls her tongue. “You can’t be doing stuff like this anymore, you have a boyfriend.” Her eyes screw shut, then snap open. “He adores the ground you walk on, are you insane?”
Tears well up at her truthful words. They sting all at once, and you carelessly crumble as your numb lips start to wobble. “Lissie—”
“No. Just—stop. Stop talking.” Max raises his eyebrows at the journalist and her sternness, but feels bad as you inch back, heels clicking. She huffs, pacing the hall. When she comes to a stop, she glares at the Dutchman. “How could you do this, too?”
“I never meant any harm—”
“Bullshit! Both of you are so stupid, it’s worrisome.” Shame fills your veins as you look down, pinching your undergarment as some coping mechanism. The British girl sighs. “You have to tell him.”
“No.”
“What do you mean no? He deserves to know.”
Decreasing the gap between you two, you sniffle, shaky hands clutching harder. “It’s going to kill him, Lissie. I can’t do that.”
And you can tell she’s running through her options because she’s your best friend. And above all, you were hers. With hesitance, she nods. “This has to end.”
You nod, desperately. “That’s it. We’re done.”
-
Circuit de Monaco—May 28, 2023 (Monaco Grand Prix)
“You’ve been a bit uptight. Could it be Charles that’s making you feel that way?”
“No. Don’t even try and blame it on him.”
He pinches your nipple, then licks your humid skin. You whine at the sensation. “You’re not getting anything in return for lying. It’s pathetic.”
You hiss when your climax tempts to fall. “What's the lie?”
“That you love him.”
“I do love him—”
He groans into your neck. “You sound so pretty.” A sloppy thrust. “When you choke around my cock, my spit, my cum.” Your eyes roll back when he pushes against your g-spot at a different angle. “Admit it, you’ve always enjoyed it.”
“You’re sick."
“Maybe, but you’re well worth it.” 
You clench around his length and he hisses like a snake. In pain. In lust. Doesn’t matter. “You’re a shitty friend—”
Jaw clenches. “You’re a shitty girlfriend.” When you cry out in pleasure, he smirks. “Fine, then answer me one thing; is this stress reliever a bad thing?” 
“Maybe, but who cares?” 
And there's nothing left for him to do, simply smiling down at you like the Cheshire Cat, somehow scarier than The Joker. If not more. 
-
Red Bull Ring—July 2, 2023 (Austrian Grand Prix)
“Right, but we’re not talking about Lissie. Mate, you can’t…you know you can’t.” Daniel grimaces. “She’s taken.”
“I know,” Max stutters. “Who do you take me for?”
The Australian is easy to tell when he laughs genuinely, but even the RedBull driver can spot the difference to the one exiting his mouth right now. “You think she’s pretty—that’s all.”
“That’s all,” he confirms. 
“And that’s not a weird thing to admit because she is a pretty girl,” the brunette tries to help as Max nods happily. 
“Exactly.” A pause. “You get it.”
Daniel brings the blunt up to his mouth, taking a hit, then blows out. “Y-yeah…because it’d be bad if you liked her, liked her.” 
“I know that. I-I-I was never going to—yeah.” His heart pounds fast against his ribs when you giggle, pecking Charles’s neck, all while conversing with Lissie, Kika, and Pierre. He directs his attention back to the Australian and lets out a raw laugh. 
“I wouldn’t be that stupid.”
-
“You’re a bad influence.”
“Why?”
“Because it would never work out.”
“And why not? You’re giving up too eas—oh.” In an instant, his brown eyes follow yours, and it makes his heart drop. Because it’s not Charles that you’ve suddenly realized that you love, but Max. “You can’t…” Somewhere close by, Pierre yells, cheering with a group of older ladies as Kika glares, shaking her head. He inches closer. “You can’t do that to Charles. He loves you.”
“And I love him,” you announce, brushing your hair back. Timidly, you peek over at him. “I’m not a saint, I know that, but I would appreciate it if we kept this between us.” A sore chuckle. “W-what matters is that I choose Charles. He’s the love of my life.”
And Daniel knows he probably shouldn’t agree to any of this, and yet, he finds himself nodding, curls bouncing. “Just between us.”
You smile gently, going in for another sip before laughing at the blunt that sticks inside. 
 “Beer’s ass, by the way.”
-
Circuit Zandvoort—August 27, 2023 (Dutch Grand Prix)
 “I love you. Y-you weren’t some fuck buddy to me…you’ve always been more than that. And…I hate that too.”
“I love you, too. And it’s because I love you that I know what comes after this.”
“What would that be?”
“Nothing.”
He flinches. “I-it doesn’t have to be that way. You could lea—”
You sigh, pulling your dress up as he zip his race suit. “I can’t leave him, Max. It’s not that easy.”
He pants, blue eyes tracing your face anxiously. “A-and why not? Why can’t it be that easy?”
A cruel laugh wiggles up your throat as you dig your nails into your palm. “Because I’m engaged!”
He ricochets with a scoff. “Oh, what? Now you suddenly care about not being called a cheater?” You look away and he chuckles. “Because that’s what you are—a fucking cheater.”
Your face patches into a shade of pink as you breathe heavily, refusing to let the tears fall. “And what does that make you?”
“I am not a cheater.”
You snarl. “No, but you’re a God awful friend.”
He steps back, large hand running against his lips, drying them out, getting rid of your saliva. “You’re just—you know what? Fuck you.”
You gasp. “No. Fuck you.”
Max rolls his blue eyes, finally reaching his breaking point as he pushes you against the wall to his motorhome. “You’re scared, aren’t you? Of realizing what we actually are.”
Heavy pants. Orbs flicker down to his rosy lips. He almost smiles. “What are we? A cheater and a bad friend?”
“No. A villain and their accomplice.” That seems to do it. A strong tide takes over as you sob against his grip. And it doesn’t hurt, it’s not tight. It’s only secure. He continues with a dark look swirling his orbs. “You know, you were always the first one to point out someone as a bad person, when in reality, it's you.”
“Okay, stop—”
“And I’m not innocent either—I’m well aware—but I’m not the one with a ring around their finger.”
“Stop!” you yell, pushing him away harshly. It should feel foreign, the fury and the shame, but that’s all you seem to know these days. Or ever since you met him. “You’re right. We’re two rotten apples, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, but can you blame me? You’re fucking with my head, Max!”
He softens, and for a moment, its pure silence, other than your tiny cries. Licking his lips, he pats his thigh. “You already know I’m wrongfully in love with you. I just actually thought I stood a chance. That it would be me.”
“Max…”
He winces in pain with how sweet your voice sounds pronouncing his name. It’s always been that way. When you first interviewed him a year ago, to when you first kissed him back and gasped his name. But it only got dirtier and dirtier throughout the course of time. 
“Be honest with me, please.” Bloodshot eyes look up at him. “Is he your safest option? Is that what this is?”
And with one final, tormented look, you open your lips to breathe out. 
“He’s someone I could envision a future with, Max.” A beat. “And you’re just a footnote.”
-
“Voilá!” Charles cheers as he claps loudly against your ear. You yelp at the sudden sound all while trying to reach for his hands to stop his movements. He grins, deep dimples imprinting like feet on sand. “That was beautiful, really, it really was.”
Rubbing your ass against his bulge is the only way you think you can get him to shut up, and he does, immediately letting out a strained chuckle. Smiling sweetly at your friends, you shrug. “I had my doubts, Pierre, but this was pretty cute. Thank you.”
The Frenchman gloats, clicking his fingers. I told you, I told you they’d like it! Your fiancé kisses your cheek. “That’s why I chose him.” A playful frown. “You see, mon amour? You never hold any faith in my decisions.”
Rolling your eyes, you stick your pink tongue out at him. “I still think you should have chosen one of your brothers.” A stern look. “Like Lorenzo—wasn’t he the one that helped you buy the ring?”
“Yes, but that would have been unfair to Arthur. He would’ve felt left out.”
“Arthur’s too distracted trying to figure out the difference between left and right!” The Monegasque tosses his head back and you admire with a soft glow. “I lo—”
“Wait,” Carlos hollers, deep accent ringing. You and Charles turn, bubble bursting. “We all went around sharing but Max.”
“Yeah,” Lily ponders, fingers tracing her lips. “Yeah, you’re right.”
Pierre hums. “Mate?”
Max blinks, shaking his head. “Ah, it’s alright. We’ve heard enough, don’t you think?” His joke is meant to be easy going, but it comes out dry, and even to this day, you can notice it. Licking your already glossed lips, you flip your gaze to Lissie and Daniel who share the same worried expression.
Because Lissie was your best friend. She would carry your secret to the grave.
Because Daniel was Max’s best friend. He would carry his secret to the grave.
But the Dutchman himself didn't care. He honestly felt like he had nothing else to lose.
“Okay then,” he whispers, wiping his sweaty palms against his jeans. He slightly tilts his head to the open sky, as if wondering when it would swallow him whole. He was secretly hoping it would. Beady, excited, and petrified eyes stare back at him as he smiles awkwardly. “I…”
“He doesn’t want to,” you declare, twisting to signal the Frenchman. “If he doesn’t want to, then he doesn’t have to say anything, it’s fine.”
“No.” Blue eyes darken as he places his drink down onto the wooden table. “I want y—” He bites his tongue, immediately tasting metallic. “I want to.”
“Let him,” Charles says, chuckling softly. “Don’t kill his stride.”
So, with neat brown drawn together, clammy fingers playing with your silver band, you sit back down. Like a force of nature, the Monegasque hugs you from behind. You gulp, leaning the back of your head against his shoulder. 
“I think it’s crazy how one minor decision can change absolutely fucking everything.” 
“Oh shit,” Lissie and Daniel mutter next to each other, exchanging the blunt back and forth. 
Your face twists up like a wrinkled shirt. “If you’re not going to say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” he instantly shoots back, but feverishly deflates when Charles furrows his dark brows like some Doberman. Astonished at his cold tone, you blink, lashes fluttering like a notebook. He almost swoons at the sight, but amazingly holds back. 
“If you hadn’t taken Pierre’s advice and apologized to Charles, then we wouldn't be here. If you hadn’t spent summer break with him, then we wouldn’t be here. If you hadn't fallen in love, then we wouldn’t be here.” He swallows. “It’s the little things.”
“And, um...what makes a relationship work out is the commitment. If one person commits and the other doesn’t then it won’t ever work out, but you two…” You nibble on your bottom lip harshly, holding your breath as he looks into your bright eyes. He releases a forced chuckle, as if it would help get rid of his splintered heart. “You two chose each other, so…cheers to that.”
“Wow,” Charles hums, blankly. “That was surprisingly heartfelt…” A sheepish grin. “Thank you, mate.”
It’s as if he’s suddenly admitting defeat to someone who didn’t know they had him as an opponent to begin with; the way he throws the peony at the Monegasque, who catches it with ease. “Don’t mention it.” 
So, as Max sits alone, with no date, he begins to wonder that maybe—just maybe—you were right all along. 
He gave his speech last.
He was the footnote.
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aethelwyneleigh27 · 4 hours
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Cowboy!141 x Noble's Daughter!Reader (My Version of the AU)
(How you meet them)
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Synopsis: Being the daughter of a noble is a jarring task as you must be always able to keep up appearances, so what exactly happens when your family hires 4 men? Men who seem dangerous yet you know nothing about, all happening to be part of the same group of people. What happens if they take an interest in you? Someone unattainable, forbidden yet also undoubtedly tempting..
Hi lovelies! Lia here again, apologies for the delay and inactivity, I had exams, projects and the recent release of part one of Bridgerton season 3. Speaking of the series, this was inspired by that and RDR2 (none of the elements are historically accurate, I think?), I genuinely hope this does well because this account has not been doing well as of late. With my mutuals leaving Tumblr and some friends are currently ignoring me, I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. From what I know, @ghouljams was the first one who created content in the cowboy!CoD AU but mine is a lot different? So please don't kill me 😭
This will result in headcanons for the next few posts because my brain is attached to this AU so you will be seeing more Cowboy!Outlaw!141.
(Really FEM!Reader, maybe also Plus-size!(Chubby??)Reader?? I don't even know anymore)
More content: My CoD Masterlist
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Bless your noble mother's heart, although your was seen as this very respectable and intellectual man of nobility, your mother had this heart of gold having no idea that these rugged men he has newly hired were outlaws, criminals.. murderers?
Yet your father did, something about him felt sinister, well all noble money comes from not so noble cause.
Although your mother wanted you to get to know and be familiar with the newest staff members who would do all the gnarly, energy consuming and physically challenging tasks, she did not want her daughter interacting with men who would be considered improper like seemingly mysterious men who happened to be from a far town looking for a living.
Well without your father's or mother's knowledge, that rule was thrown out the window the moment you saw one of them carrying over some of the crates that contain given by some men to your father for his services and connections, particularly drawn to the one who never seemed to take off the cloth on his face.
Something about the way he stared at you, not seeing the rest of his face, depriving you of clues as to how he felt upon seeing the only lady of the house. You gave him a warm smile, for a moment you thought you saw his lips through the mask perk up, before walking off to the lounging hall for your tutoring on language.
It was odd, you observed them from afar a lot, your personal garden was your sanctuary and you can't help but do so when they talked so loudly, no sign of inside voices.
They called each other names.. Price, Gaz, Soap and Ghost. The man you encountered was named Ghost? Surely it's some alias. Well that wasn't something you should fixate on anyway so you leave for your tasks.
You find yourself feeling a little out of it after your lessons, hoping that a little stroll through the stables behind your family's estate would either help the information sink in or keep it shun out of your mind. Either way you'd find yourself in tranquil, you heard a thud behind you and turn to find so called "Ghost" behind you.
He had dropped a crate, one filled with weapons and uncharacteristically hastily picked up all of them without paying much attention. Such an action caused him to unknowingly cut his finger on one of the blades that fell out of it's sheath.
Your eyes filled with concern as you rush over to take his hand in yours before he tried to brush off the cut and get back to his duties. You knew it was dumb to be worried over something so small that the grown man doesn't even flinch and yet there you were, practically cradling his hand in yours.
A white handkerchief that was embroidered with your favorite flowers by your own mother, something you held dear and kept pristine.. using it on his finger to keep the blood from further gushing and wipe off whatever of the red residue was left on his hand.
As the blood stopped to your relief, you brought his finger and spontaneously pressed a feather-like kiss on the wound. You were so used to doing that for your little cousins, nieces and nephews that it was just a force of habit, your face flushed the very moment you looked up to meet his gaze, what possessed you to do that?
You placed the handkerchief in his hand and composed yourself, you told him to keep it and to bring the wound to the physician to get some antiseptics before running off to god knows where.
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A few days after that incident, you meet another one of them except..
You couldn't help but rush, you were late for this supposedly short promenade your family has spontaneously planned. Your favourite gloves are no where to be found and with the three sisters you have, you checked room to room, seeing who might've borrowed the lacey white fabric with the sewn in bows.
Without looking your body slams into a wall, is it a wall? You softly groan, your delicate fingers brushing on your forehead that felt like it would bruise later on. Your eyes remained closed for a few seconds as the impact caused you to feel shaken, light headed.
You open your eyes to one of the outlaws, you blink up as your vision adjusted a bit, his dark skin against the light from the window really did something..
"Are you hurt, my lady?" He asked, his deep voice was smooth and rich, almost velvety. He held you up from falling.
"N-no.. Thank you, uhh..."
"Kyle, her ladyship can call me Kyle. Although I hope it's not too informal to your status, my lady." You smiled at his words, certainly a respectful fellow despite him and his group's reputation.
You felt warmth on your sides, his palms against the fabric that separates his skin on yours, he was only being kind for steadying you after you almost fell from the earlier impact but his touch felt addicting, too much as it continued to linger.
"Kyle, it is then" You said softly, suddenly a bit more aware of your surroundings.
Fuck. He was sure he felt something just by hearing the way his name fell from your lips. Normally he'd give people, employers only and only his last name. He was so used to having been called by "Garrick", he had no idea his name would sound different, so sweet coming from a pretty maiden's lips.
He stutters for a moment, realizing that his hands are touching a lady inappropriately, something only someone she's married to would have the privilege of doing. He swiftly removed his hands from your waist and formally excused himself from your presence with the excuse of his duties.
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The next time you met one of them was through your mother's ball, she was always the first to throw one to bless the upcoming season of hopes that you, your sisters and brothers shall wed soon.
You had no taste for it after having a lord step on your feet at least 20 times and not even bother to apologize with how high of a pedestal he puts himself in, you found yourself escaping through the back of your estate to the gazebo in the center of your beloved garden.
You took your tight, restricting shoes off and felt the grass on your feet as you walked toward the gazebo, now close enough to see that you weren't alone but you still continued, your feet against the cooling marble platform. You sigh as you prop yourself to sit on the stone railing next to the stranger who was currently taking a puff of his cigar.
You turned your head away, you were thrown into a fit of coughs from the strong scent of the smoke while you swatch some of it away. You tried not to heave for actual air to breathe while the man next to you chuckles, making you feel irritable.
"M'sorry love.." his gruff voice whispers which make you turn towards him, the man offering you a comforting smile.
"Shouldn't you be in there with your family, miss?" Price asked. To which you hum, "I wanted some "fresh air" and silence" you answered. Moments of silence have passed, nothing but the sound of wind that rattled the trees a bit and each other's breaths.
You look towards the light of windows of your home, the ballroom filled with laughter and talk of celebration. You sighed, knowing you must return as your parents would come looking for you, also not wanting for them to punish you for sticking around unchaperoned with their new hires.
He knew you were about to leave, it would be rude for a gentleman to leave a lady without help, hmm? He wasn't a gentleman though, an outlaw, one of the worst titles one can ever bestow a man. He was considered to be of low honor but who cares?
He kneels down on one knee in front of you, gently taking your leg in his huge hand using his thigh as leverage so he can gently slip on you shoes. For a moment you felt his forehead on your knee before he pulls away and offers you his hand..
You took it hesitantly as he helped you off the railing, you look up at him meeting his eyes. Something about them burned, making your stomach churn but not in a manner of discomfort.
You watched his back as he walked away, his footsteps on the cold marble the only thing to be heard as the noise died down..
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The morning after, you've barely had enough sleep, was it the events of the previous night? Nevermind, at least you had a day or two for yourself after conducting a proposition to your parents. Free time was worth it for the sore feet you had to endure.
Not really in the mood to change into anything tight or itchy, you remain in your night clothes. Finally, some well deserved time alone, comfortable and flipping pages of a book was your type of thing.
Sure, socializing has it's benefits however nothing beats your time alone or so you thought you were alone..
A table and a few chairs were set up by the servants to your request at the gazebo, giving you the perfect view of the greenery that you have planted the seeds of.
You had your head comfortably leaned onto lounge as you continued reading. Buts something was just so distracting, a few minutes of the constant snipping and twigs breaking, you look up wanting to see who was there tending to the garden.
Your eyes widened a bit, it was improper for a lady to stare a man who has very less clothing. Nothing but his jeans, belt and hat keeping his face shielded from the heat is toned, muscular and tanned torso and arms exposed.
A little later, you hear a grunt coming from the man, Soap was it? You can't quite remember much from the night you eavesdropped on them. You heard his footsteps on the grass nearing the gazebo but you didn't bother to look up, not until..
"Ma'am? May I stay 'ere a moment? Afraid the heat is getting to me" You look up from your book and sit up to see the same man breathless. You nodded and watched as he sat on the stairs, hands on his knees as he caught his breath.
"Excuse me.." You said, loud enough to hear and catch his attention, he looks back from his position. You moved one of the chairs to face your lounge, "Please invite yourself here, I can only think of how uncomfortable the floor might be, especially when you are working at a weather like this one" Signaling him to take a seat on the chair you adjusted.
He gets up yet reluctantly makes himself comfortable on the seat, you pick a drinking glass on display from the silver tray and poured some of the cold lemonade into it, you place it down on the table and slide it to him, offering a warm smile. Your fingers on the base of the drinking glass slightly brushing against his as he takes it.
He thanks you for it and you both enjoyed the tranquil and peace.. yet you can't go back to your book, asking questions and being further interested by the man each minute passes.
The way he talked was something else, it was alluring, comforting and oddly lively, he's told you about his "past" and how he used to be a child.
"Was quite the troublemaker you see, though my family was poor and food was scarce, I found a way to feed the street animals I adore—"
You look at him, so invested on what he was about to say next, it was refreshing to have someone to converse with who isn't interrogating you and practically forcing their ideals of how many babies they want you to birth for them, practically wanting you to die for them.
"I used to steal bread from my neighbor, not a very nice man, selfish really. So I'd often sneak into his shack, leftovers, scraps and anything light enough for me to carry. I'd bring it to Lassie, my favorite stray dog. You remind me a lot of her Bonnie" He said.
"I remind you of a dog?" You weren't so sure if that's a compliment, then again he just called you "Bonnie", what exactly does that mean?
"Home, you remind me of home. Can't say I have felt this comfortable in years, friends and I are usually reserved yet you bring this side out of me, Bonnie. So what spell or witchcraft did you use?" He joked raising a brow at you, for a moment his attention falters as he looks down at the soft mounds of skin exposed on your chest.
"Eyes up here, Johnny."
You warned as you laugh at his question, you notice one of the servants coming out from the estate and into the garden, Johnny smiles and tips his hat to you to excuse himself so that he could get back to work.
Well this is interesting.. isn't it?
Taglist: @wishesforyou @puff0o0 @simping4konig @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @snowdjinnofpalestine @09maruchan @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @ghosts-cyphera @connorsui @capuccino192 @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @the-second-sage @starryylies @everlastingmoonlightsworld @keiva1000 @iexiam @drewsmusee @konigceo
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fifis-cosmos · 22 hours
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Peaches and Musk
Minho x Jisung
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Plot: No real plot… Minho smells Jisung’s heat during a concert and then they fuck.
Warnings: A/B/O, BxB, male on male, dirty talk, dom/sub dynamics, swearing, semi-public sex, nicknames (Hyung, daddy, baby, mutt, omega, alpha, jagi, slut), idol AU, Jisung rambles a lot, jerking off, almost sort of subspace, mention of heat, anal fingering, thigh grinding/riding (I think that’s everything?)
Author’s note: This is a satire post, sort of? It’s something my friends and I wrote a while ago as a joke. Inspired by my peach scented chapstick because it smells soooo good… Usually I won’t do BxB but I got bored and writing something with a more unusual topic is fun. Also! I think I may have a memory of reading something like this before? I don’t remember what it was, but if I got a bit close to somebody else’s idea, I’m not claiming it as mine. And one last thing… I had no idea how to end this… so apologies for the shitty finish.
Also, this is unedited, and not proofread.
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Minho knows he must be mistaken.
That light, peachy smell can’t be his boyfriend, standing a few steps away, who is bobbing his head to the rhythm of the music while he walks around the stage, waving.
It has to be something else. A body product, maybe Jeongin’s sweet smelling shampoo, but that’s not really realistic, is it?
When he inhales more deeply, he catches the giveaway. That telltale hint of spice behind the sweet scent, almost like nutmeg.
He turns to Jisung, sharp features accentuated by the concert lights, scanning the body of the man before him. He’s playing with his microphone, picking at the tacky jewels that surround the circumference of it.
Minho’s eyes narrow into a cat-like expression, the sweat on his forehead trickling down his temple in a glittery streak. He takes another whiff of the air.
It’s him.
His fingers find the little gadget in his ear and pops it out, covering the mic with the palm of his hand while he approaches his boyfriend.
He has to be discreet. There are too many fans. Prying eyes that are too eager and attentive. Endless cameras to catch a slip-up.
He taps Jisung’s thigh gently, and leans in to talk in his ear.
“…Jisung. I can smell you,”
Jisung offers nothing but a skeptical glance.
“That’s stupid, Hyung,” The boy says, eyes getting wider, almost comically. “I shouldn’t be in heat yet,”
He waves his hand, dismissing Minho, and turns to give a charming, gummy smile to the crowds. Minho grabs his wrist and speaks again.
“I’m serious, Jagi,”
Jisung looks at him sideways and rolls his brown eyes. His expression is almost pouty. He holds up his hand.
Minho wastes no time pressing the sharp tip of his nose to the soft flesh on the inside of his wrist, where his scent gland is.
Immediately his nose fills with the fruity, sweet smell of peaches. It’s delectable, makes Jisung’s soft, mochi cheeks look edible. It makes everything about him look edible.
Minho has to smack his boyfriend’s wrist away before he does something stupid in front of all these people.
“It’s you,”
Jisung’s pretty boba eyes get all big and wide, and he covers his wrist, as if it will help anything at all.
In a moment of reaction and panic, he holds his microphone up to his mouth and speaks.
“STAY! STAY, I’m so sorry… but I really, really have to go pee,”
He turns off the mic and runs backstage, laughs from the crowd filling the auditorium.
Minho just hopes Jisung can get it sorted quickly.
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Jisung stumbles into the dressing room, and Minho follows right after, locking the door. They both smell like sweat, covered in it from preforming, and the heat of the stage. The adrenaline lingers, as well.
As soon as the door is shut, Minho latches his lips onto Han’s, clawing into his hips and licking at his mouth recklessly.
“Can’t even wait until we get home,” He growls, biting down on the boy’s pouty lips. “So impatient, Jagi. Not even that patch can satiate you, can it?”
At the thought of the little sticker, Minho’s hands start searching his boyfriend’s body, as if he will be able to find it through his clothes. His hands land mindlessly on Jisung’s ass, kneading it while he kisses even deeper.
“I put it on my back…,” He mutters in a whiny tone, pulling away to cross his arms in front of his body so he can peel off the shirt obscuring his access.
Minho’s eyes scan his body, cute little tummy exposed by the rising hem. His thin waist, the shadow of hair growing up to his belly-button. He tries to pull the shirt off, but it catches on his chin, and his nose, popping off of his head and leaving his fluffy brown hair a mess.
His stretches his arms back and tries to reach the little paw-shaped patch between his shoulder blades, the exact thing that is preventing his body from releasing pheromones. His chest flexes, and Minho can’t help but stare at the rounded, honey-toned expanses of skin.
After watching him struggle for a bit too long, Minho grabs him by the hips and spins him around so his ass is facing him.
“Pathetic. Let me get it, Jagi,”
His fingers grip the edge of the little tab, and he tears it away from the skin, fine hairs getting caught in the sticky residue meant to last a whole day. As soon as it’s off, he leans over Jisung’s shoulder and grabs him by the waist, pulling him closer, mouthing hungrily at the scent glad that rests above the dip of his collarbone.
“Wanna smell you,”
He grumbles against the hot, flushed section of chest, lips wet and darkened from rough kisses earlier. The patch is still stuck to the pads of his fingers, and he tries to shake it off.
His runs his teeth over Jisung’s glad. That tasty, peachy smell returns, starting to flood the room. It makes his mouth water, his eyes roll back. It’s filling his senses. He moans and nips at the skin, trying to stimulate more of that delicious satisfaction.
The patch unsticks from Minho’s finger, and flitters to the ground, forgotten as soon as it left his body. He’s already moved on to better things by now, like sucking a nice mark into his boyfriend’s flesh.
“A-ah… Hyung… mm,” Jisung whimpers, eyes squeezed shut, grinding his ass against the crotch of Minho’s leather pants. “N-no marks… you know we’ll get in trouble,”
At the comment, Minho laves his tongue over the spot, and detaches with a pop. A string of saliva connects his lower lip to the reddened spot.
“You know I don’t care about that…”
He growls, licking over the skin and inhaling the sweet scent. Jisung is starting to catch onto a familiar musk, almost resembling a pine tree, wafting from his boyfriend. He lets a particularly slow drag roll against Minho’s hard dick.
Minho ruts back instinctually, making both of their sweaty bodies jolt. All he can think of is the way Jisung smells, the way he feels and sounds.
He wants to be inside of him. The thought of claiming his boyfriend during yet another heat makes his cock twitch.
He needs release.
His clipped nails dig into the plush skin of Jisung’s torso, and he ruts a few more times. All he wants to hear is those cute sounds his baby always makes for him.
Quick thrusts turning into grinding sooner rather than later, and Jisung is already feeling a bit foggy. He whines and pushes back, trying to get any kind of friction on his hole possible. His boxers are already soaked with slick, he just needs something inside.
“H-hyung- please~ please…,”
He whimpers without thought. Minho nuzzles his nose against the now-wet gland.
“My jagi wants something in his greedy hole? Fuck yes…” His voice pushes out when Jisung moans and rolls his hips once more, gravelly and deeper than usual. “So fucking good… Your Hyung knows you so fucking good, doesn’t he?”
His hips buck, causing some of the friction Jisung needed. Just when the younger boy thinks he’s getting what he wants, Minho let’s go of him, crescent shaped marks on his skin from his boyfriend’s blunt nails.
“Hyung?”
“Shut your mouth,”
Jisung gets shoved onto the sleek leather bench at the back of the room, where he starts to climb onto it eagerly, ready to present his ass.
Instead, he feels a study arm wrap around his waist and pull him up onto his knees. His back is to Minho, and he’s facing the wall.
“Minho, what are you-“
“I told you to shut you mouth. Stop talking before I decide to leave you here. You wouldn’t like that, would you?”
Minho asks, palming his erection steadily.
Jisung would hate that. His leaking cock, more than that, his hot, slicked up asshole that clenches around nothing, need attention. There’s so much arousal drooling out of him, that there’s a wet patch on his the rump of his pants.
Minho delivers a swift smack to that exact spot, the tips of his fingers grazing his boyfriends balls at the lowly aimed attack.
“I asked you a question,”
“Ah! Y-yes! Sorry Hyung… no… I wouldn’t like it… I’ll be good,”
He wiggles his hips, which Minho finds indescribably cute, in an irritating way.
“Don’t move,” He commands with authority.
Before Jisung registers the lowly spoken words, he feels a toned, leather-clad thigh slip between his own. It nudges them apart, and drags against his dick a little.
The only reaction he can muster is a moan, and the action of grinding down on the expanse of muscle. He’s stopped almost immediately.
“I said stay still,” Minho breathes out. He gives Han a little push, forcing him to lean on the back of the couch with his palms. “You’re lucky I feel generous tonight..,” Minho cages his body in, and puts a palm beside Han’s left.
His lips attach to the dewy, tanned skin again.
“I’m gonna jerk you off, baby… Jagi..,”
He groans and ruts his hips upwards again.
“Oh- fuck yes- please?”
Jisung’s words are slurred, tongue thick with desire. His mind is foggy with lust, and the waves of heat washing over him. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Minho’s wandering hand finds the bulge in his pants.
At just the first touch, he lets out a loud moan, and bucks his hip fowards.
Minho growls, something almost mistakable as a laugh. “Oh, you like that, don’t you, Jagi? Want me to touch your poor leaky little dick?”
“Yeah-! Hyung- Daddy- please… wan’ it…,”
“You’re filthy,” The whisper comes harsh against the shell of his flushed ear. Of course, it only gets him off more. Minho begins to unbutton the clasp of his jeans.
Even such slight friction has Jisung whining and canting his hips, trying to chase the feeling. Minho shucks the blue jeans down, and takes the soaked boxers along with them.
Before his focus even comes close to returning to Jisung’s dick, his eyes land on a certain spot. He runs a digit over the wetness leaking out of his boyfriends asshole, smirking at the amount of slick that gushes at such a small touch.
“Look at you… so desperate, Jagi. Tell me you want it,” He demands, slowly rubbing his rim with his thumb.
Jisung jolts and moans loudly. His hole throbs, and he pushes back, trying to rub his legs together.
“I wan’ it! Oh god, alpha, please- I want it so bad- touch me-”
Minho hooks his thumb into Jisung’s hole. The amount of slick makes it an easy task.
“I said tell me you want it, not beg. Slut,” He quips, wiggling his thumb softly. Jisung bucks his hips backwards, and tries to grind back. Minho grabs his hips.
“Dumb mutt” He snarls, other hand leaving the couch to mark a ring with his thumb and finger around the base of Jisung’s cock. He gives a quick stroke with the tiny ring, and settles back at the base. When the omega below him moans, he finds himself smiling. “That’s all you are, isn’t it? A dumb mutt? Stupid little omega begging for something in its slutty hole,”
Minho slaps Jisung’s dick, making it sway, and the younger moans and pushes back again.
“I bet you want my knot, don’t you?” He gives another slow stroke along the length of his boyfriend. Jisung nods frantically, bucking forwards. “Too bad. You get my thumb, and my hand to fuck into. That’s it. Now spit on it,”
Jisung pants and tilts his head down, trying to drool down onto his dick while Minho holds it up for him. Minho slips his hand up and palms over the pink tip, spreading the spit around while it leaks down his shaft, settling in his dark pubic hair.
“Ah! Ohmygod-,” Jisung try’s to buck forwards again, his balls dragging delectably over the leather covering Minho’s thigh. The alpha pulls his thumb out and slaps his ass.
“How many times do I have to tell you to stay fucking still?” He growls. His body pushes against the back of Jisung’s, and he crowds him flush against the back of the couch, body shadowing over him. He starts to stroke his omega’s cock steadily. “You really are desperate, aren’t you?”
“S’ good… too good,” Jisung whines, trying his hardest not to move so he can please his alpha.
“Too good,” Minho mocks in a high tone, repeating the boy’s breathy tone. He stops stroking and takes to running his fingers lightly up the underside of his cock. “I bet it is, isn’t it? Too good? You’re such a stupid little thing. Begging for my hands,”
He swaps to rubbing his fingers over Jisung’s slit. His cock jumps.
Minho latches his mouth onto his neck again, sucking gently before nipping at his skin. “Bounce on my thigh,” He demands, breath hot on the sweaty field of skin, shaking his leg that is wedged between Jisung’s as if to show him what exactly what to use.
It’s like a spell has been put over the younger as soon as those words grace his pinkened ears. He starts frantically grinding against the meaty appendage that rests below him, dragging his balls over the rough material. It hurts, but that just makes it better for him. At this point he’s been reduced to breathless moans.
Minho spits in his hand and lifts Jisung’s hips to smear it on the black leather pants, just to make the slide a bit easier. It wasn’t really all that needed, considering the mass amounts of slick pouring from the younger’s hole, dripping down his balls and making an embarrassing puddle.
“There it is… good omega,” He growls, bouncing his leg a little. He strips Jisung’s dick, the wet sounds downright sinful. With this much attention, the boy can’t last much longer.
“I-inside. Want something inside, please,” He begs in a shaky voice, grinding down just a bit harder.
“Inside? This isn’t enough for you?” He tightens his grip around his dick.
“Mm- please! Please, hyung,” His legs are shaking now, and his stomach is twitching with every breath. Minho ruts his hips against Jisung’s ass, and reaches forwards to rub his lip with his thumb. He’s delighted to find drool covering it.
“Oh… poor thing… what makes you deserve it?” His hand reaches down and collects slick, teasing the younger’s rim.
“Ah! I’ll be good! I’ll be so good, please, just put it in- please,”
Minho brings his thumb to his lips and smears slick over it.
“You’ll be good? I guess that’s a pretty good reason,” He teases and reaches down. The way his finger slides in with such ease. Even better, how the second one follows, and they curve up into his prostate, is exactly what he needed to send him tumbling over the edge of his orgasm.
He doesn’t notice how he shakes. Hot white ropes of cum shoot onto the back of the couch. He can’t hear anything, all he can sense is the feeling of his orgasm, the explosion in his gut and the tingling of his body.
When he finally opens his eyes, the fullness of his boyfriend’s fingers are gone, as well as the warmth of his thigh between his legs. But his boxers are handed to him.
“You’re giving me head on the ride to the hotel. If you do good enough, maybe I’ll knot you when we get back into our room,” Minho cocks his head to the cum splattered on the couch. “Clean that up, Jagi,”
He turns to leave, but before he does, he leans over Jisung’s shoulder and plants a gentle kiss on his sweaty cheek.
“You did well. I’ll go get some fresh clothes for you. I love you, Sungie”
“I love you too, Minho,”
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cripplecharacters · 57 minutes
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Hiya, I'm hoping you can help me understand if an idea I have is problematic. I'm writing a fantasy novel at the moment where the main character (who is overcome by guilt for something she did by accident), undergoes a ritual to make herself look as awful as she thinks she is. I'm not 100% sure on the details of what this looks like yet, but at the moment I'm considering something like having the bones of small animals embedded under her skin. Running out of text so will continue in another ask.
Continued from first ask. The idea is that she wants people to be disgusted when they see her, because she can't tell anyone about the accident she caused, but still wants to feel punished. I'm partly inspired by my own experiences of self harm, of wanting to see a visual representation of pain. I'm wondering if this kind of disfigurement is problematic, especially considering it's not reflecting a real condition and that its not a villain. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!
Hi dearest asker!
It doesn't mimic anything of a disability nor is it a fantasy disability in your setting so I think it's good! It is more Body Horror than anything but what I would do is while you're figuring the aspect of the character, is research extensively and make sure it doesn't align with any real conditions. This does kinda balance on the edge of Disability As Punishment because of just the concept, but using your own experiences is what matters here!
Also here is a good post about body horror and disability that makes some good points and has good ideas too!
I actually want to reiterate from the post on how they cite stuff like Junjo Ito and Kafka on a way of expression though Body Horror which (to my understanding, if not feel free to correct me) is like you're doing. Others I would recommend is Frida Kahlo, where she does this in some of her paintings (Here & Here) and in many others.
Other movies like Swan Lake (2010) and Annihilation (2018), also take this concept and do really well with it in my opinion. (Both centered around self-harm and other things) Pain Exhibit is a non-profit online library where people who are disabled or have chronic pain all share their artwork depicting it and is another great example.
This article What Is Body Horror? makes so many good points and it cites a lot of good books, novels, and short stories. It goes into the different aspects of it and really breaks it down into sections. (I want to warn before anyone clicks on that link that it talks about extensive body horror in details). A lot of people's perception of Body Horror has long been associated with people with disabilities. So I think more stories written on actual depictions of what is and people's personal experiences it is so good!
Happy writing! (and I hope the story goes well it sounds really good!)
~ Mod Virus 🌸
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ironbabey · 1 day
Text
July
Peter Parker x Reader
angst, maybe fluff?
Word Count: 1k
Inspired by the song July by Noah Cyrus
~~~~~~~~
I've been holding my breath, I've been counting to ten, over something you said
“So uh, what do ya say? Wanna give it a shot?” Please say yes please say yes please say yes-
“I’m sorry, I really am, but I’m gonna have to say no.”
No. He said no.
It took you months to work up the courage to finally tell him how you felt, ironically you told yourself the worst he could say was no. Fuck, it hurt.
You were crushed. “Oh uh, that's okay. We can just stay friends.” It’s not okay, you don’t want to be friends. Well, you do. You also wanted-no, hoped- for something more.
He smiled, god you loved that smile. It never failed to make your heart skip a beat, even breaking it at the same time.  “Glad this won’t change our friendship. I care about you a lot.” He says, you can hear the pity in his voice.
He cared, just not in the way you wanted.
I've been holding back tears, while you're throwing back beers, I'm alone in bed
You were always told rejection hurt but you didn’t think it’d be this painful. Peter went out while you were sulking in your bed. There’s more fish in the sea, right? You shouldn’t have fallen for him, everyone told you not to, and yet here you are.
How could you be so stupid?
Of course he didn’t like you.
You were nothing compared to her.
You didn't have the perfect teeth, the perfect hair, the perfect skin, the perfect...anything. You were just you.
You stupidly thought that it would be enough for him, she didn't even remember him, but you made new memories with him.
You know I, I'm afraid of change. Guess that's why we stay the same
You two were fighting now. It's your fault anyways. You lashed out on him just because he hadn’t reached out to you since that day. He's ignored your texts, calls, hell you even tried an email for the fun of it. He stilled ignored you.
The day you confessed really fucked things up.
You decided to be the bigger person and show up at his door. He would've known you were going over if he read your messages.
“I thought we agreed that wouldn’t change us. You said you wanted to be friends so why are you being such a dick?”
 “I’m being a dick? Oh, that’s real funny coming from you. I have a life full of other people, not just you. I don’t see why I have to be the one to do everything.”
You bit your lip and looked at the ground, embarrassed that you were acting childish, “No, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
So, tell me to leave, I'll pack my bags, get on the road
Peter let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair, the soft hair you used to play with during the times you'd study together. “I think you should go. I can’t handle this—you—right now.”
You refused to cry in front of him. “Yeah, okay.” You grabbed your bag and slammed the door shut on your way out. You fucked everything up, didn’t you?
Find someone that loves you better than I do, darling, I know
A week went by, and he finally texted you, asking you to go over and talk it out. In the end you were still his best friend, and he didn't want to lose you.
You picked up a photo that was in a beautiful golden frame on the coffee table, you knew who the woman was, Peter talked about her all the time, and it killed you. You thought he was over her.
 “What are you doing with that?” He grabbed the framed photo from your hands as if it were the most precious thing in the world.
You blinked back the tears that were threatening to come out, “It was just sitting here, she’s pretty. Really pretty.”
Peter smiled, “Yeah, she was. The greatest too.”
‘Cause you remind me everyday, I’m not enough but I still stay
You two sat in uncomfortable silence. He wanted to make up, wanted things to be normal again, but you had other plans. You wanted answers. “What does she have that I don’t? What’s so different?”
He groaned. “Please, don’t start this right now.”
You stood up from the couch, “No! I want to know why you’re after someone who moved on. Someone who doesn't even rem-“
“She was the only one there for me through all of it! She helped me from beginning to end! I ruined everything just to make sure she got into the school she worked so hard for!" His voice went soft, he couldn't hold back the tears that went streaming down his face. His brown eyes were hardly visible through them, "She was all I had. She was the only girl that ever looked my way and actually liked me.”
Then what am I?
I've done a lot of things wrong, Loving you being one. But I can't move on
“What?”
“Then what am I?”, you repeated deep down you knew you were being a little selfish, but he had no right to say you didn't care, “I’ve been there for you. I’ve laughed with you, cried with you, I even fought with you and you’re still tossing me aside?”
“Listen-“
“No! You listen to me! I’ve done nothing but love and care about you but clearly that’s not enough! Nothing is ever enough for you! I-I’m not enough.”
Peter stood to hug her. To tell you that you was more than enough. To tell you he was just afraid of being more than what you were now.
If you want me to leave, then tell me to leave, and baby, I'll go
You moved away from his attempted hug. How dare he cry when it was him who was hurting you? “N-No, you don’t get-get to cry.” you choked out through your own tears.
“I’m sorry please just understand.” He begged.
“Tell me to leave. Tell me you don't want to see me again and I’ll stop. I’ll leave you alone just like you want.” That’s not what he wanted, not at all. He wouldn't know what to do with himself if you left him too.
“That’s not-I want you to stay.”
You remind me every day, I'm not enough, but I still stay
“Okay. I’ll stay.”
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princesssascha · 15 hours
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hey please reply??? Can I change my dob from 1997 to 2001 ?? Can I change my boyfriends surname and caste change & does it change on people’s memory & documents too???
DOB & surname change + success story
DOB CHANGE
I saw a success story once of someone your age saying that she manifested a dob change, it didn't affect people's memories but it did affect her documents. The docs didn't magically change dates but she had to get her new ID with her new real dob.
That doesn't mean it can't affect other people's memories, it just didn't happen in her scenario.
That story was honestly so inspiring because it shows that you really are the creator and although it seems impossible for most people, she persisted and her 3D complied.
Time is a man-made concept to make life a little easier. After all it's easier to say "let's meet this Sunday at 4:30pm" than if we didn't have time measurements. Time itself however does not exist. You make it real.
SURNAME CHANGE
I actually had my mom change her surname after her divorce even tho she didn't want to at first. I never used her previous surname as she only had it for the duration of her marriage and I wasn't used to it, so I really didn't even do it on purpose. She said that she won't go back to her previous surname, but a few months after her divorce she changed it!
I manifested it and I wasn't even aware that I did it until a few months later. I ignored the 3D and persisted that we have the same surname because we're family and again, the 3D complied.
People change surnames all the time, so it's totally possible for your boyfriend to have a different surname.
If your bf doesn't want to change his surname; make him want it.
Hope that answered some of your questions, remember, you are the creator
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P.O.V: You wanna write a fic, but the fic takes the cannon, rips it to shreds, picks up the pieces it wants (throwing the rest into a flaming trash bin), then mixes them in a bowl that contains head cannons and original ideas, then...
Okay, now that I've typed that out, that's technically every fic...
But trust me, mine is 10 times worse. I'm basically writing my own original story with characters everyone already knows and loves, and...
Okay, I'm just gonna stop now.
But seriously though, this is a reminder to every writer (mostly to myself tbh) that no matter how outlandish, bad, amateurish, or whatever it is that's stopping you from writing your fic, do not let it stop you.
Because it doesn't have to be a stunning work of art remembered for the ages because you're not Shakespeare. It doesn't have to be the same or similar to everyone else's because that's what's popular right now. Because that's how things get boring. And even if you do write the same stuff as everyone else, remember that someone out there will love it just as much as everyone else's.
So what if you use tropes that not everyone finds appealing, rest assured that someone's going to love that shit.
And so what if your fic has absolutely NOTHING to do with the cannon! That's going to be someone's favorite fic of all time. This goes for original stories as well!
I have way more that I wanted to say but fell asleep and forgot. (The life of a writer *cries*) But anyways uhhhhhh.....
Go forth! Grab that pen and paper! Open that Google doc! (Or both if you're like me :) And go write that story that's been plaguing your mind. Go finish that WIP that's been your drafts FOR MONTHS!
Go and create that new world. That new possibility. That story that you and so many others will love.
You are a writer...... go do what you love.
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horsemeatluvr23 · 3 days
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the juppet !! i just realised he is jerma posing i swear that was unintentional...... i spent so long digging thru muppet concept art and looking at old puppet designs just to end up doing a rly simple drawing but. i love joehills!! i have only been watching them for like 4 years but their videos r so special to me :3
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werebutch · 2 months
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WSBH chara q’s: (you don’t have to answer all the numbers, just whatever you want to 𖢘)
16/35/51 for Scotch
1/6/55 for Atlas
I LOVE YOU
16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?
okay i truly think scotch argues with seraph in his head all the time. ALL the time. scotch largely ignores them, and vice versa, because he dislikes them and they know it. seraph is very conflict avoidant lol, and as long as hes not a "threat" they dont care to talk to him about their problems. he probably argues with atlas and jacob (his older brother) too, atlas about more stupid small stuff, and jacob about childhood and life stuff :p
im trying to think of more general groups he would argue with but i cant come up with anything BAHAH. hes not exactly conflict avoidant in the annoying libra way that seraph is, he more just ignores conflict for his friends’ (mostly atlas’) sake. idk if that makes sense LOL
35. What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?
hmmm.. smallest? i mean scotch strings eloise along for most of the time pre timeskip. its not a main focus but its definitely important in order to understand scotch as a whole. she and scotch go out for a while, and mid way through that he realizes hes GAY gay. lol. and obviously lying to her about that is pretty questionable after a while. especially since he and atlas have been 👉👌 like the whole time. but she kind of knows. well
something a little bigger would be him encouraging or otherwise turning a blind eye to all the weird stuff atlas is up to. he doesn't know what it's like to be a werewolf, he can't say anything, right? lol.... murder is okay if its a talking dog doing it. scotch enabler supreme. actually when seraph is introduced, he and atlas have a 'joke' (kind of starts being real) about luring seraph somewhere to kill them. obviously doesnt happen and gets abandoned. but i think its important to know about their dynamic LOL
51. What’s a phrase they say a lot?
this guy is kind of goofy. i cant think of phrases rn but he has a specific way of speaking.. you could watch pretty much any old pop punk band interview and kind of get the idea. HAHAH
1. What’s the lie your character says most often?
atlas is a big fan of saying 'its fine' for all situations ever. family in mortal danger? its fine. completely splitting? its fine. arthritis excruciating? its fine. hes one of those people that dont like to deal with the fawning of others unless hes feeling real special. Ends up putting people in more danger a lot of the time. i think eloise is the only fan of communication in this friend group to be honest. i should have made her the main character
he tends to make promises he cant keep as well, but thats more general..
6. What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?
i have NO idea. i feel like atlas would be a music snob, so maybe his favorite 'super underground' bands. otherwise he'd probably never recommend raw human meat to another human (no matter how much scotch asks -__-).. (he would chicken out anyway)
55. What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?
um. so atlas hates working out. he especially hates running, you know, the thing that wolves are known for doing a lot of? unfortunately the lycanthropy came with a side effect of pretty bad arthritis, so that doesnt exactly encourage him. he DOES exercise, a lot since hes pretty much required for his ermm "side job", but he hates it 😸 besides the arthritis it’s mostly because I think it’s silly that he hates it. yay
#ummm a lot of what i talk about with my ocs are the character relationships but thats why i write. i like gossip. its fun. LMFAO#im actually having trouble deciding whether i want atlas to be a killer or not. like regularly killing i mean. hes definitely killed SOMEON#im really inspired by ginger snaps and scream. i dont even like scream that much but it reminds me of how they are. lol#scotch and atlas are pretty different but theres two things i see as themes. they both hate communication (and that causes conflict; so mor#avoiding). and the fact that scotch lives vicariously through atlas. atlas is doing#what scotch thinks is interesting. for pretty much the entire time; scotch likes to beg atlas to turn him. i think scotch sees the lack of#control he has over his life and sees lycanthropy as power. arguably thats why scotch is so attracted to atlas. lol#idk. thats not canon. im just thinking out loud here.#and yk it is power but not freedom. atlas would much rather just be a regular wolf. hunting and shit. but hes got these damn people here lo#but he sees what his life is like being a lycanthrope and hes kinda like. no. im not bringing that onto you. you dont know what youre askin#YOU KNOW? its goofy. i know. but its fun. LOL#if you (a general audience you but it can be you too grins) want to talk about scotch's confusion about his attraction to eloise we'd be#here all day. i think scotch is an egg. i dont know. i truly think theres some vicarious living (again) through her femininity.#and el is trans so he doesnt see her femininity as unattainable to him. you know? i hope that makes sense lol and im kind of projecting on#to him wif dat. to be honest. but obviously in the other direction. BWAHAH#asks#eucyon#thank u for da ask jesse this is so fun ^__^ and exciting that someone remembers their names HAH#after all this talking in the tags what I meant to say is that scotch and atlas both have sick intentions. it’s just that scotch doesn’t#act on them. and atlas does. so. living vicariously. ok
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sschmendrick · 5 days
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Gotta write a production report for two songs we recorded and I'm gonna have to do at least a third of it for a group of 6 after having done about half of the recording and editing work for one of these two projects...all that cause I still haven't found an internship so I can't just say : do it without me.
It's a little exhausting. I know they will work if I really push them but they'll do it super late and I'll have to revise it when I get back home from the small concert I've allowed myself to go instead of my portuguese lesson (brazilian artist so it's all good my teacher said, I still feel bad) and I'll have to run around tomorrow morning to print it and I'll assume the cost again.
It's...yeah it's exhausting. And my thesis is so far behind, and I still have no internship. I wanna keep strong but man that diploma is slipping away from me. I'm not even sure I have good enough grades at my exams now !
#yeah ok the anxiety is back#I have meds that are over the counter so like not great stuff but I'll just chug that down and hope it does something#plus I'm super stressed cause some of them are coming to a small party at my place (for once that I'm alone without my brother there)#and I was talkign with one of them (the closer one) about maybe coming out to them and he said yeah if you want :)#but now one of them is bringing his girlfriend and I am noooot doing that but also my place is a very intimate space for me#I so rarely invite people over because of that#I should stop drinking coffee it might be helping#my head is killing me#I'm so close to giving up on my studies all together and reimburse my mom#but I don't want to !! the people that inspire me the people i look up to the people i want to be like fought for it and never gave up#I'm not even sure I'm made for these studies. I have no ambition I just want to make people happy with music but the kind I love doesn't#really require me ? cause it's mostly small concerts with acoustics instruments#maybe I should have gone into idk social work but I'm pretty sure I would be way too anxious for it same reason i can't be a therapist#and the situation at home isn't much better rn#I really need to breath rn or I'm gonna be out of commission for so long that it will be even more stressful to do the reports at midnight#I'm gonna chicken out tonight as well and just stand there and listen and not talk to the artist afterwards and try to use the portuguese#I've learned nooo I'm just gonna default to english or french
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somelazyassartist · 4 months
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Why is the Don Bluth art style so hard to mimic lmao, I've been practicing for what feels like ages and I've only made one sketch I think actually looks good lol
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angorwhosebabyisthis · 5 months
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I am opening my mouth like a baby bird for the barebones offline version of the rpgsolo stuff .. excited to see :3
i hope you enjoy it when it goes up, anon!! my main issue so far is trying to figure out how tf to format the percentage tables over text on a tumblr post. i could just post screenshots of it, because as it is it formats terribly onto here, but it's critical for it to be screen-reader accessible. i might go ahead and put it in a pastebin to link along with the screenshots; i'd like to get it down in multiple formats and mirrors in case something happens to one version, i Do Not Trust hosting sites these days, but i think that's probably a good start.
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austerulous · 1 year
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Good morning gang! ♡ I have a busy day ahead of me and I’m still spitting blood so I won’t be here much, but my plans for the weekend include sending out the asks for that inbox call, catching up with DMs (here and on Discord, finally) and a regular spring-clean of my follower list.
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hauntedfalcon · 2 years
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they passed. so many boots
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searidings · 2 years
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Heyyy! I just saw your reading list for the past months and saw that you loved To Paradise so I’m v curious ! I’ve heard some disappointing reviews of it but at the same time I loved A Little Life and kinda can’t believed someone who wrote that kind of beast could go to the extreme reverse so what are your thoughts on To Paradise, I mean on its own? A killer reading list regardless! Ty xx
i mean, i liked it!! another monster of a book but i thought the three sections were a cool premise and although parts of it were a little slower/weaker (as is to be expected w/700 pages) i enjoyed the subtle twists on reality and the fact that the parallels to recent world events weren't too ham-fisted. also, the repetition of the characters/storyline that a lot of people seem to complain about? to me that's the point she's trying to make. yanagihara does trauma and suffering really well (if really harrowingly) and to paradise is imo a delicate meditation on 'progress' and the fucked-upness of human nature
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sillyblues · 11 months
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𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 | 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐨’𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐠𝐧!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
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ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: you overhear a couple of spider-people talking about you and miguel
ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: inspired by a scene of a drama i saw in tiktok at 11:30 pm whoops here’s a small scenario while i work on that hiding pregnancy with miguel fic
part 2
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You hummed to yourself as you walked towards Miguel’s room. You were so excited to talk to him about how your days went and if you were lucky, maybe you’d get to hear how his day went as well. It wasn’t like he doesn’t talk about himself, of course he does, you two were practically the bestest of friends now. It’s just that nowadays, he seemed more stressed and preferred to listen to you talk. Or at least you hoped so. He never really complained each time you rambled his ears off (which was like 83790134 times a day oops).
But a mention of your name in a hushed conversation stops your tracks.
“... [Name] is pretty close to Miguel, huh?” the conversation was actually a bit far from where you stood but thanks to your extreme superhearing, you were able to hear what they were talking about. You tilted your head. I wonder why they’re talking about me…
“Nah, I don’t think so. Miguel doesn’t even seem to like them.” You grumbled under your breath. That’s just what it looked like to others. They didn’t know that you know Miguel’s favourite empanadas are the ones sold by a Mexican granny on a stand right around the corner outside the building. They didn’t know that Miguel actually remembers what you say to him and even reacts to your stories. If that isn’t what you call friends in their natural behaviour, you don’t know what to call it.
“Yeah, it’s probably because they never stop talking. Their mouth just never know how to close for at least 10 minutes.”
“Miguel is probably annoyed at them. I wonder how he manages to keep his patience from running out with them.”
You bit your lip. Yeah, they were right…You admit that you talk a lot and you do feel a bit bad about it. But your friends haven’t told you to stop talking or that you were bothering them yet so you thought it was fine with them. If your friends said something about it, you would definitely stop and try to talk less for them. You were sure your friends would say something if they were uncomfortable, especially Miguel. You believe in them and you believe in him.
“I know right! If I was him, I would…” so you took a step forward and continued to walk towards your destination. Only this time, you weren’t humming.
.
.
.
“Hi, Miguel! Good afternoon! Such a lovely day, isn’t it?” you quirked up immediately as soon as you stepped foot into his office. As usual, he was on top of his floating station. Most of the time, he worked on planning and storing files with Lyla about which planets had been reported with anomalies. Sometimes, he watched videos of his daughter Gabriella and himself despite having already seen them countless times.
Miguel was lonely. You could see that. Sure, he had Jess and Hobie and Peter, but Jess was pregnant, Hobie was busy fighting against the government and being cool, and Peter had Mayday. You try your best to be with him because maybe he would feel less lonely with you around for him. Maybe he would be distracted by whatever you say from his exhaustion and his pain.
You swung yourself and landed on his platform. He was standing with multiple yellow screens hovered almost around him. His hands were on his waist and there was a glare on his face as he stared at it. He gave you a brief glance before turning his attention back to his work. Well, looks like today is a busy work day for him, huh. 
“Hey booo,” Lyla appeared in front of you and waved. You grinned at her. “Hey, Lyla! What’s up?”
“Ugh nothing much, except for Mr. O’hara on his red flood apparently.” She leaned and covered the side of her lips to whisper but it was no use to the said person with his abilities.
“I heard that.” His exasperated response was instant but he didn’t look away from the screen.
“Really? You did?” She asked with a higher and tightened voice with amusement. She then flashed a quick message to you. 
Miguel has been working even after you left three days ago. He wouldn’t take a rest no matter how many times I told him.
What? You looked at the back of his head in alarm. Worry immediately settled in your head and you furrowed your brows. Before you could convince him to stop, Lyla quickly made the message disappear and announced, “Oops, my power is running low. Gotta charge them now, byeeee.”
“I literally just checked your levels yesterday. Come back here—” he was cut off by her disappearing form.
He groaned and in his frustration, he swapped away the nearby items on the table. Most of them were papers but unfortunately, he didn’t notice he also swept away the teddy bear that you gifted him. It was similar to one Gabriella had and you knew this from the videos you watched with him. You thought how nice it would be to have at least a physical reminder of your love and not just ones you can see and hear. 
“I’ll get it, don’t worry!”
From his strength, the bear was flung high and without even thinking you walked backwards as you focused on its direction. You were being stupid because you forgot that you were on top of a floating platform and the floor wasn’t endless. The bear was almost near within your reach and with just one more step, you would be able to get it.
That one more step didn’t step on any solid floor but instead on air and so, you fell but not without the teddy bear in your hands. 
“[Name]!” Miguel shouted and you looked at him and finally, he was looking at you now. He ran at your falling figure with arms reaching out to you and for a second, you thought there was a tinge of panic and desperation laced in his hoarse voice and wide eyes. 
Sticky web was shot at your chest and you were quickly pulled towards him. You were hit against his figure and he caught you in his arms. You stilled and flushed, your ear was pressed against his chest and you could hear his roaring heart that beat so fast. He immediately shook you by your shoulders and yelled at you. “What were you thinking? Why weren’t you looking?”
“I mean, I was trying to catch it—” you flinched.
“Are you stupid? ¿y si te lastimas?” his nails were digging into your skin and his grip was beginning to hurt. You tried to laugh but came it off weakly.
“I just don’t want to see my gift get dirty. Besides, I’m fine—,” you tried to joke, hoping it would ease the tension and calm him down.
“Just shut up! Shut up!” he pushed you away with a growl, “Stop being so fucking reckless. I could have done it by myself. Stop annoying other people by doing stupid shit like this!”
He was breathing heavily, anger so deep in his eyes. Your eyes were wide and tears threatened to fall as you listened until it finally fell once he said his final word. Maybe the realization had finally settled in Miguel’s mind at what he had just said. His eyes widened in panic and reached out to you but you took a step back.
Your head hung low as you let his words sink in. Annoying? You couldn't even laugh bitterly like you usually do in situations like this. They were right. You were annoying him. You bit your lip. Had you been a bother to him all this time? How come Miguel never said anything?
Suddenly, his cold indifference to you was so clear and obvious now. Memories of him visibly annoyed with a frown flashed through your head. The sudden awareness made your head hurt and it burned your heart. It throbbed with a pang and you felt incapable of breathing, the pain overwhelming.
No, Miguel wasn't responsible for telling you this. You should've known better, you called yourself his “bestest friend”. You shouldn't have talked to him. You shouldn't have approached him in the first place.
You were annoying. You were a nuisance. You were a problem.
Stupid. Stupidstupidstupidstupid—
“[Name], I,” he sighed, “I’m sorry. I didn't mean—”
“No, it's fine,” you wiped your tears and pressed the teddy bear you gifted him and wanted to catch for him. You wonder if this bear was also a bother for him. Maybe it was. Everything related to you is irritating. You were tiresome. “I should be the one to say that. I’m sorry.”
“I need to go now. I’m really sorry, again.” With a brief glance at him, you immediately turned around and swung down. You almost ran as you made your exit from his office. You did the know where exactly to go, only anywhere without him and far away from him. Strength had left you once you were outside his office and you walked and walked and walked. 
Maybe if you left, nobody would find you annoying anymore.
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