#Bonus rat that he drained
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Happy birthday Baz Pitch!!
#baz pitch fanart#i actually finished something on time#Crazy#carry on#the simon snow trilogy#Bonus rat that he drained#my art
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Captured and contained
Little info dump on the whole diamond prison thing with regards to my Feral JD AU
So basically what happened when Velvet and Veneer first captured JD in my au is Veneer is always looking for more animals for his little side zoo project. They happened to be doing a photo shoot outside in the woods for a new album cover. Veneer went on a walk to have some alone time and stumbled across a little goblin boy. Aka JD.
"Oooo aren't you a cute little fella, You would be perfect as desk decoration!"
*JD gets snatched*
Later when Veneer tells Velvet he got a new pet and reveals JD. Her initial reaction is "Okay, but where did you even get that thing it's disgusting." JD proceeds to bite Veneer (multiple times) and wriggle himself free from his hands. He then runs rampant through their dressing room until they manage to contain him in a crystal bottle. The only thing they thought was strong enough to hold him. Later down the line when Velvet captures Floyd (basically the same sequence of events as the movie from here) and starts using him for his talent. That's when they realize that JD is actually a troll as well. JD being JD though is as Velvet described "uncooperative" and "savage" so she refuses to use him for his talent and instead tells Veneer "That one can be yours. You're that one that found that thing anyway." So Veneer does end up using JD for his talent just not nearly as often as Velvet does Floyd. JD does still get hit pretty hard by the whole draining thing considering he is grey and unlike the average troll has in a sense "forgotten/lost" his talent. That doesn't stop him from unleashing hell on the twin every chance he gets. Goblin man will do goblin things
Then things follow the movie pretty much the same except Bruce and Clay end up getting captured when they all break into the dressing room to rescue Floyd. Poppy and Branch end up escaping into the rafters. Velvet ends up sticking Clay and Floyd in her shoulder pads and Veneer gets Bruce. Veneer leaves JD behind in his dressing room because he feels guilty and doesn't want to hurt him any more than he has to.
Fast forward to the family harmony scene where although they are technically down a brother and Floyd is still trapped in Velvet's clutches the 3 brothers and pop sisters sing on anyway. The family harmony DOES end up working to free Floyd and also JD. I'm playing this off on the idea that despite JD not being present physically he could feel the connection to his brothers and their desperation to help Floyd. JD wants the same thing, to free Floyd and that is what connects them all together. It's like Branch said "We don't have to be perfect to be in harmony, We just have to be as we are." (just go with it ok IDK) Once the diamonds are shattered JD is pretty worst for wear, unlike Floyd he doesn't have anyone to support him right off the bat. He is used to being on his own at this point tho and only cares about getting Floyd out. He tucks himself away into a corner of the room behind some furniture to hide and rest up till he can get the both of them out of this hell hole.
Mind you only Floyd knows that he's also being held captive somewhere backstage when all this is happening. So once Floyd regains consciousness and has a chance to take a moment with his brothers. he then immediately goes into full anxiety mode well explaining that they have to get to JD. The others confused about what he's talking about don't believe him at first, but do end up helping Floyd backstage since he keeps insisting that JD needs them. They do end up finding JD and that's where the real story begins.
:D
Hopefully this makes sense? I ain't no writer sorry people
Little bonus scene
"Hey Vel does this look infected to you???"
"I can't believe we're related... CRIMP SCHEDULE A HOSPITAL VISIT BECAUSE MY IDIOT OF A BROTHER GOT BITTEN BY A FUCKING RAT!"
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I know it’s more cat vibes but do you think Buck ever uses a spray bottle on Bucky when he misbehaves?
I JUST LAUGHED SO LOUD WHEN THIS ONE CAME IN i slapped my hand over my mouth so fast PLEASEEE ???!!!!
i actually love this so much i'm so sorry i can't stop giggling.
imagine: post–war buckbucky, living together in a cute little apartment or rancher with a couple cats (they don't need a dog, they've got john, that's more than enough lol). naturally this means they've got spray bottles scattered around the house to protect the kitchen counters and the arms of couches from kitty claws.
thinking about john being very food motivated and always trying to waltz into the kitchen while gale is cooking to steal food behind his back, and gale doesn't really mind, but sometimes john eats just plain ingredients that he's not done with and then he has to chop up more and it's just a tiny bit frustrating (he can't ever actually stay mad though.)
one evening after an incident like this, john, unaware of the extra work he's created for gale and the patience he's drained, comes back in twenty minutes later for a second sweep through, and the moment his hand settles on a sliced tomato, he's spritzed in the face with a sudden blast of cold water.
the look of absolute betrayal and shock he gives gale as he blinks at him with water dripping from his curls, eyelashes clumped together, hand frozen on the tomato slice. gale's got the spray bottle aimed at him like it's a weapon and john can't help the laugh he barks out as he goes to pick up the tomato slice again in defiance, not expecting the second spray that gets him right in the open mouth this time.
sputters out a "hello?" and gale just twitches the bottle at him in a wordless 'and i'll do it again' and john reluctantly retracts his hand with a grumble, stealing the towel draped over gale's shoulder to dry his face, muttering "like i'm one of the damn cats" on his way out. only when he's gone does gale let out a snort, leaning against the counter as he laughs with the image of drowned–rat, kicked–puppy john replaying in his mind.
(bonus: one day they've got friends over in the dining room and john follows gale back into the kitchen under the guise of 'helping', but he's all touchy when he comes up behind him, pressing his hips a little too hard against gale's, and gale unthinkingly reaches for the spray bottle and gives him enough of a spritz to offend him out of his inopportune horniness lmfao.)
#john egan is cat coded?!?!#was gonna tag this as crack taken seriously but is it even really crack?#because i'm 99.9% sure gale would not hesitate to weaponize the cat's spray bottle on john#and john would be mortified when he realizes it actually works#this would backfire in the summer when it's merely a nice refresher for him lol#buckbucky#buck x bucky#johnslittlespoon asks#johnslittlespoon brainrot#johnslittlespoon spicy
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Maximianus Philophonos Bard 11/Rogue 1
Because we're at the end of the campaign, I wanted to write up a little bit about Max.
Max started as a combo of two A+ tier ideas:
A charisma caster but the charisma is "the most pathetic little man you've ever seen, you can't possibly say no"
A bard who thought being a bard was like being a professional musician and is shocked to find out that it is not, in fact, at all like being a professional musician.
The other thing going into Max is (before naming him, the name is only accidentally a pun) I wanted to abuse the shit out of the bard class. Minmax that fucker. Dating the DM is an excellent method for getting away with this. Turns out a single level in rogue gets you some expertise (2x proficiency bonus to some skills) which you then get MORE of with bard levels, and eventually bard gets you jack of all trades (1/2 proficiency to anything you're not proficient in) meaning that most of his skill checks are something like +5.
So out of universe I needed a guy whose first level was in rogue, remainder in bard, a classic pathetic little wet rat of a man, who is both wildly talented and also just. Completely incapable of using that for malicious OOC purposes otherwise my wife would kill me.
What I wound up with is someone who has crippling anxiety. Max is very nearly too anxious to function in society, gets outsize sympathy for it, and really can only do social interactions in the framework of performances.
See, at about 18 Max went to magical Juilliard to become first violin in the Requiem City Orchestra. After the first semester he realized two things:
Magical Juliliard is not really Juilliard at all, but more like the CIA academy if they also taught music.
He's trans. (Sidebar: He does not actually have a deadname. Maximianus is his stage performance name that he just sort of. Went with. After coming out.)
This is all hideously awkward and embarrassing and he has multiple fullblown panic attacks about the first thing.
Max's family is huge and overbearing and supportive and he doesn't really want to come out to them because it will be a Whole Thing TM and he is so, so, so bad about receiving affection, and he really doesn't want to tell them about the school mixup because then he's wasted their money and they'll never ever ever say anything about it but he's just a drain on their resources and also everyone will be so caring, so sympathetic, poor kid, homecooked meals for months, mom knocking on the door every day to see if he's still crying--
So he goes no-contact. To avoid explaining why he's dropping out of school.
He did accomplish one thing in that semester though, and that was making friends with a tabaxi student named Ihava (Ihava Nayme, because Jo mistakenly didn't give her a name and we promptly engaged her in conversation and also a subplot). Ihava is a budding revolutionary and realized that (a) Max totally has subversive tendencies and (b) the ability to baldfaced lie to cops and make the cops feel bad for you is priceless.
That's how Max got involved in a budding insurgency, and over the following year or so took his first class in rogue. Some theft, but mostly just skulking around, standing watch for others, passing info, etc.
Then he got itchy feet--Requiem isn't tiny but a year trying to avoid contact with any relatives, your luck will run out eventually, and Max is also just. He's not flighty but he does like novelty, and at some point the Violet Guard were gonna figure out that this kid was turning up at a lot of crime scenes. So he dropped a letter to the family (identity crisis etc graduated early etc going off to join the circus don't worry about me), and really just started moving across the country, working as a travelling minstrel.
He very rarely pays full room & board, instead playing for his dinner. He eventually washed up in Suncrest, and met the rest of the party when the tavern down the street [checks notes] exploded.
And this is where he really started taking off, because Max is two very cool things in one package:
He is just a good kid. When asked by a NPC why we were putting so much effort into helping her, his immediate, honest answer was "how could we not?" and he stands by that 11 levels later. He's somehow remained mostly Lawful Good despite some VERY sketchy actions, because at his core he wants to help people, and he wants to do so within a strict code of morals. They're just...sometimes unusual.
He's also got a VERY nasty imagination and will put his spell list to work in deeply creative (and fucked up) ways.
As an example. At level 4, Max got the second level spell Phantasmal Force, which lets you convince one being that Something Exists. This is obviously a spell mostly constrained by the player's creativity.
Also at level 4 Jo dropped us in a dungeon at the bottom of which was a Young Blue Dragon. This was moderately outleveled for the party and we should have fucked off.
Instead Max went "hey is that a male dragon" and the DM said yes, and Max mindfucked the dragon into thinking there was a Young Red (male) Dragon coming into HIS LAIR, and then the dragon spent multiple rounds trying to fight the illusion and we completely killed a dragon without major injury at level 4.
This became Max's Thing: Using his spell slots to wildly outsize effect, through monopolizing a major enemy, convincing NPCs to let us go where we really should not go, utilizing cold iron + animate objects to do serious damage to the Wild Hunt...
He didn't usually do the most damage and he didn't often get the kill shot, but he was doing battlefield control. A lot.
And so then we come to the final arc. Jo wrote up the bit about the Wish spell here. (I need to add that once again we fucked up her plans, because of COURSE the WIZARD would attune to the STAFF OF THREE WISHES, and no. Consensus was to let Max do it because Max is the words person. This worked out very well, see here.)
But just. You have the world's most anxious bard. He didn't even want to be A Bard, he wanted to be a musician. He also has a mindblowingly powerful artifact.
For over a minute, Max had to maintain perfect concentration to save the world. A friend died in that minute. Multiple friends fell unconscious and had to be revived (mostly by Max). Almost everyone in the party temporarily incapacitated themself (see here) to ensure that he passed Concentration saves he should have failed.
There's a massive battle going on entirely around Max. He is the focal point of everything. Everyone he loves is risking literally everything to keep him focused, and he spends most of it in a pocket dimension trying to keep breathing. He's channelling impossible power to try and fix the converging planes and defeat the Summer Queen, and he can only do this by not fighting, by hiding away and curling up tight and thinking very, very hard.
And he does it. He succeeds. We find out tomorrow what that looks like but god damn I am proud of my boy.
#HE'S SUCH A GOOD#i'm not sorry for putting this massive thing on everyone's dashes y'all deserve it#julis runs d&d
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Lord of the Ninth: Asmodeus, the King of Hell
Lawful Evil God of Contracts, Pride, and Tyranny
Domains: Evil, Fire, Law, Magic, Trickery
Subdomains: Arcane, Ash, Deception, Devil, Divine, Smoke
The Complete Book of the Damned, pg. 26~27
(but also Inner Sea Gods, pg. 20~27)
Obedience: Using a ruby-bladed knife, inscribe symmetrical cuts into the flesh of another creature—preferably an unwilling sentient being you own or hold dominion over. The blade may be solid ruby or forged of metal and edged with serrated ruby fragments. Devout priests of Asmodeus take pride in crafting elaborate daggers made entirely of ruby. Drain the victim’s blood into a bowl of bone made from the skull of a sentient humanoid. The amount of blood drained is up to you; you don’t have to drain so much that you make the creature weak or too useless to serve you. Use the bowl of blood to draw a large pentagram on the ground. Kneel within the pentagram and concentrate on the glory you will bring to the Prince of Darkness’s name.
Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus on saving throws against Fire effects.
... okay!
Well. There’s... well, there’s no two ways around this is there? Serving the Prince of Darkness is a lot of work, requires a lot of materials, and boy howdy does it allow absolutely 0 subtlety. You need not one, not two, but THREE separate items for this Obedience, one of which is probably way too expensive for a level 3 character to get ahold of, one of which is worrying and/or illegal to gain and maintain, and one of which--thankfully--can be easily substituted by a Sack Of Rats. Fittingly for the King of Hell, he requires his subjects to be driven to not only serve him, but do it in a way straight out of Hollywood Satanic ritual, complete with blood pentagram!
God, you are one robbery or backpack mishap away from having to go through an entire sidequest to get back not only your fancy-schmancy ruby dagger (poorer Asmodeans can ~just~ use a regular dagger with ruby shards along the edge), but saw apart someone’s skull to use as your gruesome blood goblet. I like how the ritual states you don’t need to drain enough blood to make a creature useless to you, but it takes a lot of blood to draw a “large” pentagram on the ground, Asmo! That’s not exactly a teaspoon we’re pulling out! That’s like, five rats, minimum! 1d3 Con damage to our poor lackey! ... though, the way it’s worded, I suppose you may actually be able to get away with bleeding a creature you’ve summoned, though it’s up to the DM if materials removed from a summoned entity disappears when it does. The good news is that if you’re a Diabolist or another class with a Familiar, you tend to have ready access to the blood of a creature you hold power over.
Casters also have Dominate and Charm and all that, if you really want to be a skeez about it, but if you’re already going to be leaving bloody pentagrams all over the place, you may as well go all out. It goes without saying that if you’re doing this literally anywhere except Cheliax, you can expect to be thrown into prison, especially if you’ve been draining blood from innocents for your grisly rituals. The reward you get for doing so doesn’t help you weasel your way out of trouble, either, but a +4 bonus to saves against the most common magical damage type in the game is welcomed, I suppose. It also states Fire effects, not just Fire spells, so it works on traps, blazing monster auras, and certain attacks like a dragon’s breath!
Boons are acquired slowly: the first once you reach 12 hit dice, the second at 16, and the third at 20. However, the Evangelist, Exalted, and Sentinel Prestige Classes can be entered as early as level 5 if you have the Deific Obedience feat; doing so grants you the Boons at levels 8, 11, and 14 instead. Uniquely, as Asmodeus is both an archfiend and a proper god, you can take Fiendish Obedience and enter the Diablost Prestige Class, though doing only allows you to enter at level 7, and the further Boons are gained at levels 10, 13, and 16. Fiendish Obedience lets you enter Evangelist, Exalted, and Sentinel at that later date, too, but I don’t see the point of doing so! Especially since his Boons are the same whether you take Deific Obedience or Fiendish Obedience.
——–
EVANGELIST
——–
Boon 1: Pitiless Judgment: Gain Wrath 3/day, Flames of the Faithful 2/day, or Bestow Curse 1/day
Off to a good start! Three strong spells, though Bestow Curse as a Save-Or-Suck is usually less reliable than just queueing up three castings of Wrath and letting it loose on whatever tough encounters you have that day. Since we’ve never seen Wrath or Flames of the Faithful on one of these lists before: For a standard action, you can invoke your Wrath against a specific target you can see for 1 minute, gaining a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls and to caster level checks versus that creature’s Spell Resistance for that time. These bonuses raise by 1 for every 3 levels you have, to a max of +3, and if you have 12 or more Hit Dice, you also gain Improved Critical against that creature. Decent! Boring, but decent.
Meanwhile, Flames of the Faithful adds the Flaming special ability to any one weapon you’re holding, adding 1d6 Fire damage to it, and it lasts 1 round/level. If you’re an Inquisitor and you’ve activated your Judgement already, it instead becomes Flaming Burst, dealing even more Fire damage if the attack is a confirmed critical hit. Again, boring, but effective... though it’s roughly equivalent to just using Wrath, since 1d6 averages to 3, and Wrath is a morale bonus to damage instead of the easily-resisted Fire. Useful if you’re facing something that’s not resistant to Fire, or even vulnerable to it, but Wrath in general allows you to fire and forget against the most threatening target in a battle.
Boon 2: Tireless Judgment: You gain Favored Judgment as a bonus feat, choosing Chaotic Outsider, Good Outsider, or a subtype of Humanoid. If you don’t have the Judgment class feature, you instead gain a +4 profane bonus on Survival checks to track a creature or individual of this type. This Boon doesn’t grant you any ranks in the Survival skill; therefore, if you have no ranks, you still can follow tracks only if the DC of the task is 10 or lower.
And the ball is fumbled immediately. I mean... In an Evil vs Good campaign, this could be alright, essentially giving you anywhere between 3 to 5 extra Inquisitor levels out of nowhere against specific subtypes of foes you can regularly expect to run into (not as impressive as it sounds), but it’s worthless against everything else, the bonus isn’t even spectacular to begin with, and most importantly: if you’re not an Inquisitor (like 40 of the 41 available classes aren’t), then you basically just get a blank Boon. A +4 in Survival checks to track creatures of a specific subtype is worthless in basically any conceivable scenario, because unless you’re building specifically to do this, someone else in your party can probably do it way, way better.
The way this Boon is worded also makes it seem like you just permanently gain Favored Judgment even if you don’t do your Obedience. I think it’d be perfectly in-character to scam Asmodeus out of a free feat and then switch to another god, because...
Boon 3: Resounding Judgment: 1/day, you can channel the effects of Resounding Blow through your weapon. You must declare your use of this ability before you make the attack roll. On a hit, the target is affected as if you had cast Resounding Blow before your attack, and the surrounding area rings with the sound of vicious, booming laughter. You don’t gain the stunning effect of the spell unless you have access to the judgment or smite ability. If your attack misses, the Resounding Blow effect is wasted.
... for all the hard work you put in, all the creatures you bleed, all the bloody pentagrams you draw, and all the levels you grind in service the King of Hell, the Master of Devils, the Prince of Darkness, his ultimate reward to his Evangelists is... the power to, 1/day, add 1d6 Sonic damage to one attack they make.
Oh, but if you’ve got Judgment or Smite active, the enemy has to make a Fortitude save (DC 15 + Cha mod) or... they become staggered for 1 round. BUT! But, if the attack is a successful critical hit, they have to make another save or become stunned for 1 round and deafened for 1d6! That’s good, right?
It could be! If this ability were just you being able to cast Resounding Blow 1/day, and thus having the chance on all of your attacks for 14+ rounds to stagger, stun, and deafen your foes. But it’s not. It’s not you casting Resounding Blow, it’s you obtaining the EFFECTS of Resounding Blow for precisely 1 attack each day, an attack you cannot even assure will critically hit, or even connect, before you choose to use this power. So, more often than not, this ability, the capstone power of being an Evangelist of the self-proclaimed ~greatest god~, is the power to add 1d6 Sonic damage to 1 melee weapon attack each day.
I won’t hold back: this is probably THE worst Boon I’ve ever reviewed before. I’d say Asmodeus should be ashamed of himself, but he probably thinks this is funny.
——–
EXALTED
——–
Boon 1: Darkfire. Burning Hands 3/day, Darkness 2/day, or Deeper Darkness 1/day.
Again, not that bad! Burning Hands has likely already fallen off by the time you’ve gotten it from this Boon, but it can still be useful for a tight group of clustered enemies, or just in case you need to set a bunch of stuff on fire in a hurry. Darkness and its bigger cousin are good area control spells, especially against foes with no way to see in the dark, and casting it on a coin or brick or somesuch before throwing it into a crowd of enemies can stir up just about as much confusion as the actual Confusion spell. Deeper Darkness, especially, cannot even be penetrated by Darkvision, letting you make getaways against just about anything... or give yourself a combat advantage few foes will have a defense against.
Boon 2: Embersight. Your eyes take on the appearance of red-hot, glowing embers, granting you the ability to see through darkness much like devils. You gain Darkvision to a range of 60 feet. If you chose either Darkness or Deeper Darkness as the spell-like ability granted by your first Boon, you can also see perfectly through both Darkness and Deeper Darkness. If you already have Darkvision to a range of 60 feet or more, instead increase the range of your Darkvision by 10 feet. Your eyes make you extremely distinctive, causing you to take a –4 penalty on Disguise checks.
See, that very last sentence really isn’t needed in my mind. Boons shouldn’t really have downsides, what with the daily rituals themselves being a price to pay. Aside from that, though, this benefit is boring but effective. Darkvision’s always nice if you don’t already have it, but basically half the races do, so... it just gives them more. However, there’s a second benefit there that’s far more important: If you’ve taken either Darkness spell as your spell-like for the day (and you should!), you can see perfectly through both of them... even if you’re not the one who created them! Embersight allows you to see through the darkness effects created or cast by anyone, so long as it’s one of those two spells specifically.
The combat applications are already spectacular, but Deeper Darkness creates a 120ft radius sphere of utter black that not even Darkvision can penetrate, moves with whatever item you cast it on, and lasts for almost two hours per cast when you first get it and only goes up from there. Carrying around an enormous area of dark only you can see through gives you not only an insurmountable combat advantage, but allows you to make a hell of an entrance with just a bit of teamwork: send someone out ahead to open a door for you, and then walk towards the door, giving the illusion that darkness is seeping into the room and snuffing out all lights. Announce your presence as ominously as possible, perhaps. Kill someone in the room while everyone is distracted. Cast a completely different, more dangerous spell.
There are a lot of shenanigans you can do, but just remember: Darkness is as debilitating for your allies as it is for your enemies! Make sure they have some way of telling who’s who and where! Or don’t. It’s funnier that way.
Boon 3: Hellfire Blast. You can use Delayed Blast Fireball 1/day as a spell-like ability, except it’s a sphere of soul-scouring Hellfire. The Hellfire is a distinctive mixture of black and crimson flames in which screaming devilish faces can be seen twisting and writhing. Half the damage from this spell is Fire, while the other half is unholy.
...
well.
i suppose a 1/day blast of nigh-irresistible damage isn’t... bad... but like... couldn’t spring for a 2/day? Add some metamagic sauce? Empower it, maybe? I guess the Long range and fuse delay make it alright for starting chaos from far away, but Delayed Blast Fireball is one of the more baffling spells to exist. It’s basically made to be used alongside Time Stop so you can actually set up some damage during the stop, but without Time Stop you’re forced to get creative... and while I don’t approve of giving it out as a capstone, I’ll admit that there’s hysterical uses for it, like picking up the bead and using Beguiling Gift or Suggestion to get someone else to eat it.
In an Evil vs Good campaign, this ability gets just a little bit juicier, as unholy damage deals half-again as much to any creature with the Good subtype, but... again, this is a letdown for a final Boon.
——–
SENTINEL
——–
Boon 1: Unholy Warrior: Gain Protection From Good 3/day, Death Knell 2/day, or Defile Armor 1/day.
We’ve covered Death Knell what feels like a hundred times at this point, and my judgment of it never changes: Niche spell, useful versus Regeneration, not really good for much else. Protection From Good is a decent spell, but it’s ironically not as useful as it COULD be, because most creatures with the Good subtype rely on manufactured weapons, which ProFromGoo doesn’t really shield you from from. Still, in an Evil vs Good campaign, just having it on you 3/day without any resources given up is probably the best you can hope for, since its minutes-per-level duration means a single cast can last through multiple encounters. The meager +2 bonus will fall off over time, but deflection and resistance bonuses stack with just about everything (except Cloaks of Resistance, obviously), and any amount of extra protection against mental attacks is welcome.
Defile Armor isn’t one we’ve seen before, and for good reason: only Inquisitors and Antipaladins will draw any real benefit from it. It’s a blessing to your armor that grants it +1 AC per 4 levels you have, to a max of +5, BUT if you have Judgment or Smite activated, you also gain DR 5/Good. Losing out on the DR is painful and this selection forces you to play into Antipaladin or Inquisitor, like the Evangelist line does. It’s also an enhancement bonus, which means it doesn’t stack with any enhancements or enchantments the armor may already have, so it becomes less and less useful as your campaign goes on and you get more powerful magic armor on you. Amusingly, even in these scenarios it can have a benefit: Defile Armor works on normal clothing, turning even burlap rags into +2 or +3 burlap rags for a few minutes.
Still, ProFromGo is probably the way to... well, go.
Boon 2: Deceitful Duelist: 3/day, you can attempt a feint as a swift action. You gain a +4 profane bonus on your Bluff check when attempting to feint using this ability. If you successfully attack a creature that has lost its Dexterity bonus to AC as a result of your feint, you deal an additional 1d6 points of damage. This is in addition to any other precision-based damage you deal—such as from a Sneak Attack—and isn’t multiplied on a critical hit.
I really don’t like how the first Boon has some minor punishment for not going into two classes, while this one has punishment for not going into a different class. Well... not really a punishment, but this ability is perfect for Rogues! It’s perfect for every martial character, mind, but for any class who’s incentivized to put ranks into Bluff AND who have extra advantages against flat-footed opponents, this ability is honestly pretty top-tier. You need to turbocharge your Bluff to make it work against most enemies you’ll be fighting (the DC to feint scales with the target’s Base Attack Bonus), but the payoff is pretty substantial. For nothing more than your swift action, you can shave off a fourth or even half of a creature’s AC WHILE adding +1d6 precision damage to your attacks for the round.
If you really build into it, sinking feats into feinting, And, unlike every other fart cloud Asmodeus has wafted our way, this one is actually 3/day, propelling it from “good” to “great!” It’s an all-around useful ability that will likely always be useful for every martial character that takes it... provided they didn’t dump Charisma.
Boon 3: Diabolical Resistances: Your skin takes on a ruddy cast, and your teeth grow slightly sharper. You gain Fire Resistance 10 and a +4 profane bonus on saving throws against poison.
Whew, that was a close one, Asmo! You almost had two good Boons in a row! You almost rewarded your Sentinels! Thank god you pulled back at the last second to remind those filthy mortals they don’t deserve your blessing, though! Wouldn’t want them to worship you for the power you offer them or anything. Gotta weed out the ones who work for you for their own benefit to really focus on the ones who follow you just because you’re a tyrannical monster who wants to eradicate free thought from everyone but yourself.
Excellent work!
on a more serious note, I suppose this is... okay. Removing 10 damage at a time, again, from the most common magical damage type is fine, even moreso when combined with your +4 bonus to saves against it that are likely already helping you halve incoming Fire damage anyway. But really, it should have at least granted immunity to poison as well, or been Fire Resistance 20, or something. It’s almost darkly funny that the guy who views himself as the strongest god has weaker Boons than the laziest Demon Lord. Really, Asmo is setting himself up to be that ‘grandmother on her walker’ meme.
“I’m the strongest and smartest of the gods! No one is grander than I! No one but me deserves free will!”
Mephistopheles, very calmly and patiently: Yes my lord, of course my lord, let’s get you to bed my lord.
You can read more about him here.
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Prompt idea:
For some reason the Avengers ended up in Sanctum to hide. The Sanctum accidentally revealed that Stephen and Tony dating because its being affectionate with Tony and always assisting him while the Sanctum is always cold with other Avengers.
Bonus if the door of the guest room that Stephen gave to Tony "for show" always open up straight to Stephen's room 🤣
Rhodey was used to sleeping in some odd places. In a shack in Afghanistan while searching the desert for Tony, under his desk at work when he’d been swamped with paperwork, and that one time when he and Tony had gone to Vegas… he’d woken up on a pool inflatable in a drained pool.
This place trumped all of those. The walls creaked as though the house was breathing, the smoky incense, which he couldn’t find the source of, was heavy in the air, making him dizzy as he sat on the edge of his bed. The alien-looking creatures didn’t bother him, not much did after meeting Thor, although the scampering under the floorboards was making him jittery.
Giving up on sleep, he left the guest bedroom he’d been assigned, rubbing the back of his neck as he padded down to where he assumed the kitchen was. He wondered how Tony was getting on with fixing FRIDAY, if he was getting any sleep. Whatever criminal mastermind was behind the Avengers Compound security breach had to be the same genius level as Tony, and the thought of that scared him.
They’d been locked in the compound scratching their heads, powerless to prevent any attacks on civilians, trapped within their own walls. It was only when…well, Rhodey could only explain it as a ring of fire, opened in midair and a frantic voice told them to step through that they’d been rescued.
Tony had introduced them all to Doctor Stephen Strange, a Master of the Mystic Arts or something like that, Rhodey didn’t even know anymore. What interested him more was the way the man’s flying cape had reached out for the back of Tony’s leg, gripping it tightly for a moment before fluttering away.
‘Where’s the goddamn kitchen?’ he muttered under his breath as he walked down the corridors, leaping away as the wall shifted before his eyes, a door appearing before him. ‘That’s just freaky,’ he growled, glaring at it before he took a step in.
Nat and Thor were already at a rickety-looking table in the corner of the kitchen, both looking exhausted and angry.
‘What’s…Nat? What the hell happened?’ He rushed the last few steps to the table, placing a hand palm down on it as he tried to get a better look.
‘Some sort of interdimensional critters,’ Nat answered, lifting her legs onto her chair as a hideous naked mole-rat looking creature barreled into the room, sniffing the air before it disappeared into a cupboard. ‘They find human hair delicious,’ she continued, pinching one of the chewed tufts of her hair.
‘Where are the others?’ Rhodey asked, going to the kitchen counter and looking for something to drink.
‘Do not open that!’ Thor boomed as soon as his fingers touched the cupboard handle, his warning coming too late.
‘You alright there, Thor?’ Rhodey asked as he moved aside, revealing the scary contents of coffee packets and different types of tea.
‘How did you do that? When I opened it, I was tipped headfirst into a falling void. It took me hours to pull myself back out,’ Thor told him, getting to his feet to peer at the cupboard from behind the safety of Rhodey.
‘Wanda decided to go poke around the Rotunda of Gateways-’
‘Seriously? Didn’t you guys listen to Strange’s warning about that?’
‘We did. Which is why we aren’t wandering around in a jungle,’ Nat said, not looking perturbated by this.
‘Aren’t we going to rescue her?’
‘Steve was working on it. The door locked behind her, and it seems the sorcerer is nowhere to be found,’ Thor answered for them both.
‘Clint ends up in the basement dungeon whenever he tries to enter his bedroom,’ Nat continued with a sigh, cautiously placing her feet back on the floor.
Alright, that one made him laugh. He’d seen the peculiar holding cells Strange kept in the basement. Thor wasn’t as controlled with his amusement, but he managed to turn it into a cough.
‘Something you want to share with the class?’
‘No. I am reminded of my brother. Whenever he felt wronged by me, he would pull similar pranks to make his annoyance known.’
‘You’re saying the Sanctum is punishing us?’
‘Well, not you,’ Nat whispered.
A hypothesis was already forming in Rhodey’s mind. The way Strange’s cape had touched Tony, the way Wanda was suffering a worse punishment than the others. Ironic, considering Tony’s reluctance to have her join the Avengers after the events of Ultron, and the betrayal he’d felt by the rest of the team.
‘I don’t blame Tony for keeping it a secret. He has reason to distrust us,’ Nat said softly.
‘Keeping what a sec-’
Rhodey trailed off as he felt his peculiar tingling sense of wrongness, a feeling he’d always identified as something being wrong with Tony.
‘I gotta go,’ he told them abruptly, pulling some tea and coffee out of the cupboard for them, ignoring it as it snapped at Thor’s fingers menacingly. Dumping the goods on the table, he shouldered his way out of the kitchen door, jogging down the hallways and up some stairs as he tried to remember where Tony’s room was.
Panting, he pushed open the door, stumbling into the room, looking around in bewilderment. This wasn’t the room Tony had shown him earlier, but that was Tony writhing around in the clutches of a nightmare. He leapt forward to attack the figure reaching over the bed, yelping as he was bundled in cloth.
‘It’s okay. Let him go.’
‘Strange?’
‘I know you’re worried about him, but I’ve got it,’ Strange reassured him as he was set free. The cape bristled as if offended by Rhodey’s very presence, drawing itself up and shielding the bed.
‘You? You and Tony?’ Rhodey asked numbly, watching as Strange got onto the bed beside Tony, drawing his hand over his head, the action achingly familiar. It was Rhodey who usually soothed Tony’s nightmares, Rhodey who acted as a barrier between Tony and the world, but it was Strange who Tony was now clinging to.
They’d done this before.
‘He’s…he’s really alright?’ Rhodey asked again.
‘Yup. Give him a few seconds…there we go,’ Strange cooed, hand still stroking over the crown of his head.
‘You’re not using magic?’ he asked, quiet fury making him take another step.
‘No. Just some old fashioned human contact. You’re welcome to stay, or, if it makes you more comfortable.’ Strange indicated the door now creaking open, Rhodey’s bedroom now on the other side.
‘We’re going to talk about this in the morning. I’ll be…over there if he needs me.’
‘Thank you, Rhodes, for looking after him.’
‘Just call me Rhodey, that’s what Tones does. Call me if he needs me.’ His words were intended for Strange, but he looked down at the floor as he spoke, waiting until it rippled in agreement.
#ironstrange#Thanks for the prompt!#Tony x Stephen#snippet saturday#thanks for the ask!#writing prompts#prompts welcome
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HEHEHE hewwo red. 🐷🎶🍎 for alex & 💚😊🤒 for dev <3
🐷 PIG FACE — what is your oc's favorite animal?
anything that can be classified as a "little freak" in one way or another. rats. worms. moths. flies. something you would generally Not want in your home [pet rats are the One Exception] they bring him a sense of comfort that he could never find in like, a dog or a person. they make him feel at home.
🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?
he does Not listen to it very often he spends most of his time existing in some sort of eternal void. when he DOES get the chance though, and also gets to choose what it is. everyone around him is on 24/7 limp biz/kit lockdown
🍎 RED APPLE — where was your oc born? do they still live in/around their place of birth or do they live somewhere else? how do they feel about their birthplace?
PERFECT question bc i just got all this figured out yesterday hehegehehe. ok so he was born in a small town in georgia in the us, and he and his family moved to louisiana when he was around 5 years old. so he doesnt have many memories of his birthplace, just that they lived pretty close to a river that he and his brother were never allowed to play in. basically, no strong feelings one way or another. he would like to go back one day though,,, see if it's any more insane than the town he lives in now. [it is not it is in fact just a regular town. your family should have stayed there boy im so sorry]
💚 GREEN HEART — does your oc prefer being inside or outside?
dev LOVES being outside any chance she gets. sun, rain, snow, whatever she does Not care. she needs the fresh air or she'll go insane. despite the town being very busy, it's a lot quieter for her out there - lets her clear her mind and focus.
she can see and communicate with ghosts, which usually isn't a problem because the ones she encounters are generally very polite, but sometimes it just gets a little Too Much and she needs to go somewhere with Life and Noise to drown it all out a bit.
😊 SMILING FACE WITH SMILING EYES — what are your oc's career/general life desires? what do they want to get the most out of life?
honestly. more than anything else she just wants to hang out. have fun, take life one step at a time. there's no rush to get anywhere, she's taking every day as it comes. which i guess is very VERY easy for her bc the communicating with ghosts thing has a fun additional bonus of kind of sort of letting her see into the future. so. why rush to do anything. it'll happen when it happens [and 9 times out of 10 she knows exactly when that is]
all that being said the 'predicting the future' thing is like, more of a side gig for her. brings in good money, she thinks it's fun. a little tiring at times, but fun. luckily she Does have an actual day job [that i have yet to decide on] so she doesnt have to drain herself 24/7
🤒 FACE WITH THERMOMETER — does your oc get sick easily?
one fun thing about seeing the future means you can avoid places where you're at high risk of catching a cold or something. but even without that added insight, she's just very lucky at not getting sick WHFDHGDGHDS worlds most robust immune system.
#oc alex#oc dev#they are squeaky toys. to me#i have sooooo much more to say about them. im chewing on wires rn#im holding back so much i cant just yell about everything yet but ouuuUGHRHHRBGBGBG
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I posted 2,174 times in 2022
97 posts created (4%)
2,077 posts reblogged (96%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@rat-that-writes
@maxthelocalemeraldmayor
@the-moon-pal
@lady-of-the-spirit
@skeletalheartattack
I tagged 550 of my posts in 2022
#rat<3 - 156 posts
#softie speaks - 77 posts
#markiplier - 42 posts
#unreality - 26 posts
#matt murdock - 25 posts
#thanks for the ask! - 24 posts
#goncharov - 24 posts
#fic rec - 23 posts
#not mine!!! - 21 posts
#markiplier egos x reader - 21 posts
Longest Tag: 138 characters
#also this is making me realize that i think i would be a werewolf if it came down to vamps or werewolves and i…. idk how i feel about that
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
how babey are the egos on a scale of 1-10
dark: 1/10. most of the time he is smooth sexy bastard man but sometimes he is just in need of cuddles. but even when he wants cuddles hes just like in denial about it
damien: 10/10 the most babey ever . constantly 🥺 at you in search of cuddles and kisses the boy is so touch starved when u kiss him he melts every time
actor: 4/10 usually just whiny little dog of a man not really babey material but when hes sleepy he is just 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕💕
illinois: 5/10 too suave and cool and sexy to be babey usually but sometimes he just cant stop himself from uwu-ing
yancy: 10/10 OHH BABEYYY !!! <3333 the snuggliest man ever. constant heart eyes constant need to be held constant hand holding just sksdfhjfgdd!!!! owo
engineer mark: 7/10 when around the crew he is Not Babey (well… 99% of the time he isnt…) but get him alone and the boy is just 😄💞🥺☺️💘💗🥰😍 he is so touchy he just gotta grab u and just need to look at ur pretty face
Omg these boys make me so softyttttt
- Dark is ofc a big house cat and so he’d VEHEMENTLY DENY any desire for affection or whatever but then he’s practically laying across u ANY chance he gets jshdjsjskskdj I just want him to rest his head in my lap while I give him head pats😭
- DAMIEN WOULD BE ALL NUZZLY N SHIT HES ALSO A HOUSECAT BUT ONE OF THE SUBER CUDDLY AFFECTIONATE ONES (dark has to get it from somewhere right? Lmao) I feel if ur touching damien, the moment your hand leaves his body he unconsciously shifts closer chasing ur touch. Same w kisses I lub he
- Actor is, in fact, a pathetic wet puppy dog of a man and now I’m imagining him coming home from a day of filming and maybe he had to do a really emotionally draining/intense scene and just had a rough day in general so the second he sees you when he gets home he just kind of does sad puppy dog eyes and grabby hands at u and then u both take a bath and have some wine just tryna get him out of that headspace rUAHH I WANT TO TAKE CARR OF HIM!!!!🥺🥺🥺🥺
-illi 67% of the time is just,,,, the hORNiEsT MAN A L I VE and just always trying to fluster u or act super suave and hawt and shit but then you do something super endearing he just internally screams and can feel his soul leave his body for a sec🙃🫠🫡 (bonus points if he’s silently pining and just miserable bc ur just sO PRECIOUS HE PHYSICALLY CANNOT STAND IT!!!!!
- YANCY WOULD HAVE HIS HAND IN UR BACK POCKET EVERY CHANCE HE GOT!!!!!!!!!!! He’d just be so casually affectionate and touchy bless him you’d be just hangin out at lunch and y’all are listening to the conversation at the table and he just kinda wraps an arm around ur waist with a little kiss to ur jaw and it’s just !!!!!!!!! SO NICE!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like despite his anxious/insecure tendencies whenever he’s in a comfortable atmosphere he’s just casually very confident and self assured and I just😩😩😩😩
- DONT! GET! ME! STARTED! ON! ENGINEER! MARK! HES SO NEEDY AND BABY AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! Like yes he is a very capable hard worker who’s very passionate about his work but also he sees you doing your work as captain sometimes and his heart just kinda palpitates a bit sugrisudjdj no matter how much he’d deny it he PREENS under ur praise and will do almost anything just to make i smile and I just AAAAAAAAAAAAA the second u get him alone he’s putty in ur hands and just wants love and affection. Give it to him. Now. Do it.
248 notes - Posted May 16, 2022
#4
Drew a little something based off a pic from bestie @rat-that-writes 🥰🥰
@markiplier
251 notes - Posted August 14, 2022
#3
Freckles
Darkiplier x GN!Reader
Warnings: None that I can think of, just domestic fluff with a sprinkling of angst :)
Summary: Dark is feelin sappy and sentimental (with a sprinkling of heartache, for taste)
AN: I’m obsessed with the concept of freckles and moles being the places where past soulmates loved to kiss you the most, so I took that and ran with it -- I hope you enjoy!
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It is a quiet Saturday evening. You have been able to keep Dark away from any extra work successfully, using your sweet kisses and loving promises. After spending the day in each other’s quiet company, away from the chaos of the other egos, you’ve found yourself laying across the couch with your legs across Dark’s lap. His gentle caresses along your calf and knee never fail to spark a few butterflies in your stomach. He had set up the record player to play a variety of moony love songs—as much as he tries to conceal his inner romantic, it makes you so giddy.
You have a book in hand, one that you’ve been trying to make time to read for ages, and Dark simply sits with closed eyes in quiet contemplation. You can’t recall the last time you had seen him quite this relaxed. His features are soft, angelic even, and occasionally he quietly hums along to whatever song is playing, his deep bass rattling your bones ever so slightly. It is in this meditative study of your lover that you notice a single freckle, right to the side of his chin. You can’t help but recall a video you had seen in passing on the internet.
“Hey, Dark?” you ask, careful to keep your volume low. There is honestly a good chance he has fallen asleep—he could be such an old man sometimes.
You hear a gentle Hm? His eyes open slightly to look at you, bleary but full of affection.
“Did you know that, apparently, some people think that prominent moles and freckles are the spots where your soulmate in a past life kissed you the most?”
He smiles gently, “That’s fascinating, darling. May I ask what prompted such an observation?”
You set your book to the side, readjusting so that you’re sitting next to Dark, halfway in his lap.
“I can see that your soulmate in a past life loved to kiss you right—” you place a gentle kiss, “—here.”
It takes everything in Dark to maintain his composure as he is overcome with visions of the past. He remembers the way that you would kiss him—no, not him but Damien—in that exact spot every time he passed an exam with flying colors. He remembers noticing the handful of freckles across his chest or the mole on his shoulder, but now realizes that those were never there on Damien’s body. They were, however, placed in almost the same exact spot you would litter kisses whenever Damien would let you be in control for the night. An almost foreign heat rises to his cheeks, but then he sees you. He notices the small spot under your jaw where he—Damien—would kiss you to tease and fluster you. He sees the place on your forehead where Damien would always place a gentle kiss to calm and comfort you. But Dark can see you now, your brow furrowed in concern. He forces himself back to the present, placing a kiss on your forehead and pulling you into his arms.
You’re caught a little off-guard, but you reciprocate immediately. You’ve seen that look in his eyes before, mostly here and there when you first met. It was a sort of deep sadness, as if he knew something you didn’t. You’d always wanted to voice your concerns, console him if needed, but you had been so shy then.
“Is everything okay, Dark?” you ask, timidly, not wanting to upset him further.
He squeezes you tighter, taking a shaky breath. “Everything’s fine, my heart.”
The pet name makes you blush.
“I suppose I’m just feeling sentimental tonight,” he continues, pulling away from you, but not too far. He still holds you close but can’t seem to look you quite in the eyes. “I am simply so grateful to have you in my life.”
You smile at him, gently turning his face to yours and kissing him tenderly. “I love you,” you murmur, pulling away to look at him. He looks back, his dark eyes soft and adoring.
“I love you too, my sweet.”
You both settle back into each other’s arms, appreciating the music and each other’s presence. Resting your head on his shoulder, you close your eyes, allowing yourself to doze. Dark breaks the silence one last time.
“Also, just for your information,” he whispers, “I’m sure that you are the reason I have that freckle on my chin.”
You smile and let out a small huff of amusement before replying, “Yeah, sounds about right.”
As Dark hears your breathing even out, it takes everything within him to not let his glassy eyes shed a tear. His brain is swarmed with painful nostalgia and the misery of having to keep your entire past from you. The secret bears heavily on what little soul he has left. He won’t succumb to the misery, though. You wouldn’t want that. He instead chooses to focus on the fact that you are here now and that, in and of itself, is more than he could ever deserve or ask for.
273 notes - Posted September 7, 2022
#2
how egos respond to u going “pspspspsps” at them
dark: i mean it gets his attention but he will be grumpy about it afterwards
damien: the boy is so clueless as soon as he hears it he is looking around all concerned then he sees u and just “darling!!🥰💕”
actor: is GREATLY offended that u would do this to him. absolutely heartbroken. he still responds to it tho
yancy: he does it BACK AT YOU like a CHALLENGE
illinois: IMMEDIATELY responds and walks over to u, what a good boy
wilford: will put out his gun, probably
I’m LOSING my MIND over this oml
Dark would give you a death glare but I think if you pet him affectionately he would begrudgingly accept his new role of house cat
DAMIEN!!!! Y/N and Celine would have a running bet to see how many times Y/N can get his attention that way without him noticing anything wrong. Let’s just say Celine owes Y/N a LOT of money
Actor would be such a pissy bitch baby about it but I think as long as you gave him some good love and affection he’d forget about it quickly lol
YANCY???????? The mental image of Yancy and Y/N aggressively spspspspss ing at each other has me ROLLINGGG
I think illi would lowkey like it just bc he’d feel special being the only one you pspspspsp at sjhfjejsj
yea Wilford’s a simple man. You spspspsp and he pulls out his gun idek skdjjdjs
660 notes - Posted May 8, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Inspired by @your-local-eddie-munson-slut ‘s Matt Murdock version—I couldn’t resist lmao
2,044 notes - Posted August 3, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#im so happy my fic got up there:)#also still losing my mind at how well the slutty markiplier meme aged lmao
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Leandrs BG
GW2!Leander is a rather old character and bits and pieces of his story are gone from my memory simply because over the past 9 years the most writing I’ve done for him are a few vague comic thumbnails. He feels like dry sand falling between my fingers, yet I like him like that. I think it’s finally time to go over what’s left of him in my head. And maybe add some new stuff in the future?
Fragments of Home
Leander Coeth. Krytan. Born in 1308 AE to a couple of nobles in Divinity’s Reach. He was a well educated child, mainly because he spent more time with tutors than he did with his parents.
At the age of eleven (1319 AE) he was kidnapped by bandits while on his way to visit friends in Beetletun for a game of tag. Bandits demanded bribe money from the kid’s parents. The parents didn’t have the necessary amount as one of them had a gambling addiction. Bonus - they were also in the middle of a divorce. Putting their differences aside for their child’s sake was out of the question, and their decision making skills were pure garbage.
So their son ended up living with bandits in Brisban Wildlands for three years. He learned how to work with firearms, picked up lockpicking, trapping, tracking and other skills during his time with criminals and schemers. Despite their moral alignment they weren’t entirely horrible to Leander, which led the kid to feel like he fit in the group.
If his noble parents were to finally come around and find their son, the bandits wouldn’t let him go anymore. Leander, now nicknamed Lane, had become one of them.
Inquest of Sinister Triad
When Lane was fourteen (1322 AE), his group of bandits made the decision to become a part of the Sinister Triad in hopes of a better life. He got handed over to the Inquest side of the Sinister Triad like some sacrificial lamb.
An asura Chronomancer, Kwinden, (character belongs to @alteredsilicone) gingerly received the new subject. He had joined the Inquest to have more freedom in how he approached his research about stretching the limits of chronomancy. But his krewe fell apart over severe disagreements. This led the scientist to look past asura-only teammates and join the Sinister Triad to conduct his research among humans and nightmare courtiers who were more than eager to get their hands dirty and provide him with whatever he required.
Kwin erased Lane’s sense of self, the memories of people he had any kind of connection to. The teen may or may not have run off a few times before the scientist decided to take this approach.
Now all Lane has from before this point in time are vague images of people he believes he’s never met. They’re just fictitious fragments that his unconscious mind had cooked up in a dream.
Together they made steady progress in Kwinden’s chosen field of research, and though Lane was just a human lab rat, Kwin made sure the kid felt alright and gave him some level of freedom, so he could spend time with himself and his own interests which was a blessing after the more draining tests (especially the ones that involved time warps). Less fussy subjects are better subjects.
As years went by Leander himself became invested in Kwinden’s work. And even though he didn’t yet have the intellectual capacity to fully understand what was what, Kwin could still meet Lane on a similar brainwave and help him learn. Leander was on his way to become an engineer with a strong affinity for elixirs and burning things. He could finally take care of himself at a reliable level and at this point the asura trusted his personal human assistant enough to let him run errands instead of calling upon the thugs of the triad and watching them struggle to comprehend what’s being asked of them.
Less Than Friends
The Commander began their journey in 1325 AE. Leander was seventeen at this time. And Kwinden had a major breakthrough in his research. Though physically de-aging himself was an accident, he took it as a victory worth celebrating. After all, he was an old man and standard mesmer magic only let him alter his appearance. It did nothing for his pained back and brittle bones.
Originally it was another time-warp test that was run on Lane, but oddly enough yielded no results aside from increased blood pressure. It frustrated the asura as it made no sense. He firmly believed his calculations were correct and thus confidently ran the test on himself. In reality the experiment had an invisible effect - Kwin almost entirely stopped Lane’s biological clock by leaving his body in something of a time loop, but figured out this mishap several years later when the human’s unchanging youth started becoming suspicious. So the same test yielded two different results on two different subjects. Unfortunately the asura couldn’t go back to the notes related to this experiment to undo it. The lab had been ransacked and burnt down just a month after his own age-reversing success.
The duo left the Sinister Triad to build their own private lab elsewhere. Lane finally had the opportunity to travel where his eyes led him, and made friendly connections with various peculiar characters along the way. In 1327 AE they formed a guild which did its part by lending strength to The Pact in the fight against the Elder dragon Mordremoth. The events leading up to the battle with the jungle dragon caused significant losses, squabbles and trust issues among the members and the guild fell apart shortly after The Pact claimed victory over Mordremoth in 1328 AE.
One of the two ex-guildmates that Lane is still in touch with is Zachren, a sylvari guardian whose life the engineer saved by pure chance while gathering kindling for a night under the stars of Blazeridge Steppes. Zachren then stuck with him through thick and thin on the branded battlefield while the human gathered research material for his mentor.
The sylvari willingly joined The Nightmare Court after Mordremoth fell and the guild disbanded. They don’t talk much since then but Zachren always makes time for when Lane visits to have a meal together now and then.
The other one is Caserin Kyn, a necromesmer who resides in some deep end of nowhere in the middle of Shiverpeaks and knows more than he lets on. Though Lane says nothing about it, he suspects Kyn has treaded paths similar to Kwinden’s and remains in hiding for safety.
They originally met at a norn alemoot. Kyn was drunk as a skunk and asked a stranger to help him get home. The stranger turned out to be Leander who was there to briefly warm up by the fire before setting out to gather a specific kind of lichen. He gathered the material while trying to make sense of the instructions the drunk man was giving him. Although strange and entirely random, them running into one another turned out to be mutually beneficial.
The necromesmer tends to provide valuable tools and artifacts under ridiculous conditions, and for this reason alone is intensely detested by everyone in the Priory. He is a collector with a twisted sense of humor, along with a visible bloodstone addiction, and is difficult to negotiate with.
Lane tends to stay over at his place to test elixirs together. They’ve made an agreement that Leander can take whatever materials he needs from Kyn’s collection as long as he helps the necromesmer break an invisible bond with someone who’s out to kill the man.
Holosmith
The engineer dealt with the loss of his guild by wandering and doing odd jobs in various places for a while. He visited the major cities of each allied race to learn more about their culture and pick up on some technical knowledge, especially from the charr.
In 1330 AE when the Commander made way to Elona to pursue the rogue god, Leander caught wind of the concept of holosmithing and decided to pursue it.
I shifted my character focus from Leander to Caserin in 2017 and then took a significant break from gw2 during 2018-2022 so this is where his story stops for now. Will update this post (much) later when I go through the entire story of the game again. I'm so.. so out of the loop with the lore.
#gw2 oc#sometimes a boy's story is just him running errands and gathering mats and that's his entire life#guild wars 2#ritens-writing#gw2-lane
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sweet peach of mine
dragon slayer!natasha x princess!reader x witch!wanda
summary ➞ balancing an upcoming arranged marriage, inheriting your mother’s throne, and two secret girlfriends is a full time job. word count: 1.5k
disclaimer ➞ strong language, smut, jealousy, threesome, a dash of bondage, dirty talk (degradation + praise + pet names), knife play (sword play??), use of magic during sex, mistress kink, crying kink
a/n ➞ this is too short to be a full fic but i haven’t written anything this long in a while. i do want to write something longer about this dynamic if you all like it but this is all my little rat brain can do for now. this piece of work is not to be copied or translated anywhere. thank you for reading!!! comments and reblogs appreciated <3
Somewhere under all the chiseled muscle and thickened silver armor, Natasha Romanoff was an incredibly smart woman whose brawn had only ever been a bonus to her quick instincts and sharp tongue.
So, naturally, it failed to surprise her when town gossip informed her that the Queen’s only daughter had been arranged to marry a nearby prince; she knew it would have happened sooner or later. But she also knew better than to believe you’d ever let anyone, other than her and her witch of a girlfriend, between your legs - married or not.
As if she needed anymore convincing, her theory had only been confirmed when she had seen your so-called ‘suitor’ at The King’s Ball the following week. At best, he was a boyish mess of scrawny limbs and flashy clothing, stumbling haphazardly across the ballroom floor.
The longer she watched, the more she found that he was nothing like herself or Wanda. So, needless to say, there wasn’t much competition there in regards to sex appeal.
Her girlfriend, however, was not as easily convinced as the dragon slayer; jealousy had always coursed through her icy veins and this marriage arrangement had proven to be no exception.
Much to the older woman’s annoyance, Wanda spent most of the night muttering foreign curses under her breath and wailing about all the things she would do if she managed to get her hands on him - drain his body of blood, transform him into a street rat, you name it.
Eventually, she had gotten her fill of fussing and decided to let the feeling pass (“I’m going on a walk, don’t wait up!”). Natasha had only been relieved to finally find a bit of peace, freedom to unwind from the day and take off the opulent clothing she had purchased specifically for the ball.
By the time midnight swung around, seeing as Wanda had still been AWOL, Natasha figured it best to make a trip to the castle and warn you of the brewing hurricane that was your furiously jealous girlfriend.
As per usual, it didn’t take much for her to get inside the walls; a few quiet guard assassinations that she tidied with ease and an invisibility potion that Wanda had taught her how to make. She was lucky in being able to slip into the castle, unscathed and without much of a fight just as it began to wear off.
Which brought her here, bounding down the hall on heavy feet as the stone steps wound into the castle’s west wing. Her sword, still dirtied with a bit of blood from the guards she had taken out, made a sharp metal-on-metal hiss when she slid it into the holster at the side of her armor.
She reached your living quarters and pressed her ear to the large wooden door to listen for any sounds she could make out on the other side. She expected she might hear chatter from the servants - if they hadn’t already, they would be making their final rounds for the night.
She was met, instead, with the sound of muffled moans from somewhere within the bedroom. She didn’t make any effort to move, pressing her ear harder into the door and giving it a moment.
She wondered what she would find if she pushed open the door. Would you be splayed across the bed, your silk nightgown left open for the night air to caress your skin and one of your hands dipped between your legs as a fresh stream of frustration tears rolled down your face? It wouldn’t be the first time she had stumbled upon you like so.
Or maybe, she thought for a brief second, she would find your soon-to-be husband trying his hand at getting into your pants. But that thought didn’t last very long before she was pushing it away and muttering to herself ‘get a grip, you sound like Wanda.’
She took only one short moment to continue listening to your sounds of ecstasy before she swung the door open. The sight she was greeted with surprised her more than anything she could have conjured up in her head.
Wanda, whose ‘walk’ was very clearly a code Natasha hadn’t been privy to, had you pinned to the headboard of your bed. What she assumed to be a tight rope of red magic held your hands clasped behind your back. Your legs twitched and trembled as an invisible force held open your thighs.
Natasha could faintly hear the witch muttering spells under her breath which did not falter when her girlfriend entered the room - she figured the woman had either expected her arrival or sensed her coming.
Wanda drew your attention back to her with a soft whisper against your dampened temple, “That’s three.” The comment was an obvious narration on the growing number of orgasms the young witch had racked through your body and Natasha almost felt bad at the drive Wanda could muster up when she was angry.
“Let’s try for four, shall we?” Your body jolted at the ooze of confidence in her tone and desperate whimpers shattered through your chest. She was about as upset as Natasha figured she would be; eyes darkened and throat empty of the praises and reassurances that usually fell from them.
You looked to the armored woman for aid as Wanda’s fingers probed at your entrance yet again. “Please, I’ll be good. I’ll be so good.” The words fell from your lips in a whine, wrists twisting and turning against their magical binds.
“I have to say, peach,” Natasha’s lips curled into a sort of smirk, “I was coming to warn you. But, seeing as I’m too late and witchy, here, has been dying to get her hands on you for a number of hours; I doubt your melodic little whines will be enough to deter her greedy hands.”
She accentuated her statement by extracting her sword from its holster and caressing the blade carefully between the naked valley of your breasts. You gasped at its coolness against your warm skin and the muscles in your thighs clenched as they desperately tried to close.
“Mistress.” You gasped loudly and with great surprise as Wanda finally sunk her fingers into you, her breath hit your face in a short burst as she exhaled and reveled in the feeling of being inside you. “So perfect, sweet dove.” She whispered against your cheek before her head fell to your throat to leave a litany of love bites along the skin.
“Aren’t you just the prettiest?” Natasha cooed, kneeling onto the bed, the action followed by a soft clank of her armor. Her fingers found your cheek, brushing away the tear that cascaded down the skin. “So pretty when you cry, lovey.”
Wanda’s fingers pushed farther inside you, forcing a series of broken howls from your aching throat but that only seemed to spur her on and her thumb found its place against your swollen clit. “That’s it, let it all out.” The brunette encouraged, teeth sinking into your collarbone.
“Such a pretty pussy that I get to play with.” She purred, lips wet and tongue hot against your skin, “All mine.”
“Ours.”
She didn’t seem much interested in Natasha’s correction, waving the burly woman off with a huff of breath. “Our pussy to play with. Isn’t that right, your majesty?” Her voice dripped with malice.
You choked over a few bouts of nonsense, lips falling open in hopes that the words would find their own way out of your throat. Nothing escaped but moans and whimpers, your walls clenching desperately around Wanda’s nimble fingers as she curled them in quick motions.
“I believe Wanda asked you a question, peach.” Natasha hissed, trailing her blade down the sweating path of your abdomen. You yelped at the traveling sting, throwing your head against the headboard in frustration over the loss of coherence.
The tips of Wanda’s fingers grazed at that spongey spot inside of you, “You can do it, my queen, just tell me who this beautiful pussy belongs to and I’ll end all this painful torture.” She was hissing now, like a snake with a vengeance.
“Yours! Yours!” You squeaked, tears welling in your eyes and falling down your cheeks. “Yours! And Natasha’s! Only for you!” The words were slurred, full of hope that they’d be enough to end the suffering that bubbled in the pit of your stomach.
Wanda let out a pleased giggle, free hand stroking calculated circles around your clit. “Why don’t you come for her, baby? Don’t you see how bad she wants it?” Nearly forgetting the older woman had been there, her voice ripped your eyes open as they shot to meet hers.
“Going to… I’m - oh.” The orgasm ripped through you before you had a chance to say much else. Every muscle in your body seemed to tighten and release at once as you fought for breath. Wanda, laughing maliciously, was pleased with your obedience and gently stroked at your walls until you melted into nothing more than a lump of shuddering bones.
“Sweet, sweet peach.” She mused, soothing over your skin with gentle lips as Natasha retracted her blade and watched your ribs shake with each bid to gain your breath back. “So perfect.”
#rvn : sydwrites#rvn : sydsblurbs#natasha romanoff x reader#wanda maximoff x reader#natasha romanoff smut#wanda maximoff smut#natasha romanoff imagine#wanda maximoff imagine#natasha romanoff#wanda maximoff#wandanat x reader#wandanat smut
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What’s Lost is Found - Batfamily Imagine - Bonus Part Nine.Five
Warning - Depressive Thoughts, Angst Content
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Six.Five Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven
Requested by Anon - Hey! Uh... Can i request a one-shot from dick's P.O.V. from what's lost is found when he realise (y/n) is not in the mansion/found (y/n)'s note about handing themself to the fake bane? I'd really love to see slight angst of panicked dick worrying about his kid.(sorry not sorry dick)🤣
Author’s Note - Sorry this took so long, but I was working on other things before diving back into the What’s Lost is Found universe. ;)
***
The warmth from the sunlamp soaked into Dick as he sat in the ICU area of the cave. Kori hadn’t woken up yet. She laid on the bed directly under the lamp, taking the full blast from it. Her baby bump clearly visible under the sheet. He stared at the heart monitors, both heartbeats were strong. Why wouldn’t she wake up?
Dick buried his face in his hands. His body ached. The pills Alfred slipped him must have wore off.
He frowned when he heard the arguments coming from the meeting room in the cave. They were planning their next move to deal with siege on Gotham. Dick knew he should be in there with them, but there wasn’t any point. He was going to take his family home where it was safe.
Dropping his hands, he looked back at Kori. His stomach twisted in knots.
He tensed at the sound of soft footsteps approaching. However, he relaxed when he felt your presence by his side. “Hey kiddo,” he whispered, wrapping an arm around you. You leaned into him. Dick’s heart glowed. At least you were safe. His hand rubbed your side gently.
“Is she okay?” You trembled in his grasp. Your words stabbed at Dick’s heart. Tears threatened to fall down his cheeks. You were so young. Too young for all of this.
“Her vitals and the baby’s are good, but she hasn’t woken up.” He ran a hand through his hair, wincing when his shoulder flared in pain. Damn, maybe he should have taken another dose of pain meds. You shifted in his grasp. He glanced up to see your lips pursed, eyes downcast. “This isn’t your fault, honey. I don’t want to hear that from you.” Your eyes watered. Dick kissed your cheek, the father instinct in him taking over. “I didn’t want you to be part of this.”
You tensed. Dick saw the anger flash in your eyes, but you didn’t snap at him. His arms ached to hold you, to comfort you and himself at the same time. He hesitated a moment before pulling you to sit in his lap. You relaxed into his hold much to his relief. “Shouldn’t you be with the others?” you asked.
“No.” Dick squeezed his arms around you. Gathering his courage, he spoke his next words carefully. “We’re not going to be here for much longer.”
“What?!” you gasped. Dick sighed. He knew you would react this way. Your jaw dropped, staring at him with those big eyes in disbelief. You looked so much like Bruce in that moment. Dick remembered getting a similar look from Bruce when he swung off the chandelier for the first time.
“We’re leaving, going home.” Dick frowned when you pulled away from him. His arms reached out to try to keep you close. “Don’t fight me on this, sweetheart.” Dick’s heart broke into a million pieces. He had to keep you, Kori, and the baby safe. Why couldn’t you just understand for once? Why did you always have to fight?
“We can’t leave.” Your voice cracked. Dick saw your hands trembling. He wanted to reach out to hold them still, but you would just run away from him. “I caused this. I can’t leave them to deal with this. Tim already hates me, Damian too. I can’t do this to them.”
Something inside Dick snapped. He felt a cold, raw anger build inside his chest. “I’m not arguing with you on this. We’re going home.” Your eyes widened in shock. Color drained out of your face. Dick caught himself. The anger evaporated. He softened his tone. “I have more to lose now.” Without a thought, he reached out to pat your arm. You flinched away from him. Dick jerked like you tore his heart out. “(Y/N).” You left the room so fast, you were gone in a blink of an eye.
A plug released from inside of him and Dick sobbed in a way he hadn’t since his parents died. Completely broken. Deep down, he knew he shouldn’t be selfish and whisk his family away when Gotham needed all hands on deck. The others were his family too. He would never forgive himself if anything happened to them.
Time passed and Dick slowly collected himself. Kori hadn’t stirred. He went over to kiss her forehead. “I’ll be back, sweetheart. I’m going to talk to (Y/N).” He waited a moment for any sign from Kori. However, she didn’t move. “Please wake up soon.” He kissed her again before pulling himself away.
The raised voices from the meeting room echoed through the cave. Lois was talking to Alfred in the corner as Alfred was setting up sandwiches and drinks for everyone. “Do you know where (Y/N) went?” Jon asked Dick shyly, appearing beside him. Dick frowned. His eyes narrowed. Jon flinched.
“No.” Dick crossed his arms. “What you did was so irresponsible. I trusted you to keep (Y/N) out of this and safe.”
“I know.” Jon bit his lip, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “I already got the full lecture from Mom, Dad, Alfred, Jason, and Damian.” He looked Dick in the eye rather bravely. Dick found himself respecting Jon just a little bit more. “I’m sorry.”
Dick cleared his throat. “I suppose I can overlook it. I’d imagine (Y/N) would have came anyway, no matter if you brought them or not.” He glanced around the cave. “You haven’t seen (Y/N)?”
“No, not since Alfred changed their bandages.” Jon tensed, following Dick’s gaze.
“I’ll check upstairs while you look around here.” Dick jogged to the steps and headed up. He heard Jon zooming off to search the lesser used areas of the cave. Dick’s heart was in his throat. Please don’t let anything happen to (Y/N). Please don’t let (Y/N) do something foolish and dangerous.
He couldn’t shake the sense of dread settling in the bottom of his stomach. Bursting through the clock entrance into Bruce’s study, his blood ran cold when he saw notes for everyone on the desk. They were all in your handwriting.
“No, no, no, no.” Dick grabbed the note with his name on it and opened his. His eyes came across ‘I’m sorry’ before he crumbled it in his hand. “Damn it, (Y/N).” He was about to rush back down to the cave when a terrible sound echoed from it. Dick paused. “Damian?” It couldn’t have been Damian. Damian never sounded like that before.
Dick rushed down the stairs, almost tripping to find Damian on his knees in front of the batcomputer. The others were gathered around, watching in horror. Footage from outside Wayne Tower was playing live. You were in the Bane lookalike’s arms, limp. Dick’s mouth went dry as he watched the Bane lookalike toss you into a waiting vehicle.
“We have to stop him.” Damian was on his feet, racing toward the batmobile like a dehydrated man seeing water for the first time.
“Stop. You won’t get there in time.” Tim grabbed at Damian’s arm to stop him. Damian snarled, slamming his fist into Tim’s jaw to knock him back.
“That’s my sibling.” Damian started toward the batmobile again. Jason tackled him to the ground. The terrible sound came from Damian again as he fought with Jason desperately to get to the batmobile. “We can’t let them die. We can’t leave them.”
Jason grunted as Damian’s elbow smashed into his stomach. “Stop it. You’re not thinking straight.”
Dick looked back at the screen. All the light in his life was sucked away in an instant. You were dead. There’s no way they would keep you alive. Dick closed his eyes, burying his face in his hands.
A hand rested on his shoulder. He looked up to meet Barbara’s eye. “We don’t know if they’re gone. Let’s not grieve until we do,” she whispered. Dick looked at the others. Jon Kent was hugging Lois tight, sobbing into her shoulder. Lois had tears in her eyes too. Jason and Damian were still wrestling on the ground with Damian slowly dragging them over to the batmobile. Alfred stared blankly at the screen in shock. Tim was on his knees, embracing Steph from where she collapsed. Cass and Duke appeared numb and held hands with each other. They slowly moved to Alfred’s side to comfort him.
“Right.” Dick swallowed his grief. He allowed himself to have that little spark of hope in his chest. You were strong and the fact they didn’t kill you outright meant that they maybe had other plans. Besides, he was the oldest. He had to be the example.
Barbara nodded over to Jason and Damian. “You better take care of that first. I’m going to try to track that vehicle.” Barbara went to the computer and started working.
Dick took a deep breath. “Cass, Duke, get ready to go out there as soon as Babs has information for you.” They nodded, running off to get dressed.
“Fuck! Get off me, you idiotic street rat.” Damian suddenly broke away from Jason and scrambled to his feet. “I will not be the last Wayne!” He panted, glancing at the computer before swiftly kicking Jason in the side. “You wasted my time! (Y/N) could be dead by now!”
“Damian!” Dick rushed over, stepping between Jason and Damian. Jason groaned, holding his side. “Calm down! This is not going to help (Y/N).” Damian’s glare darkened. Dick rested his hands on Damian’s shoulders, tensing in case Damian exploded again. His voice dropped to a whisper. “Dami, I know you’re scared for (Y/N). I’m terrified for them too, but lashing out isn’t going to help us get them back.”
Damian took a shaky breath. He closed his eyes. “I can’t be the last Wayne.” Dick’s stomach dropped to his feet. His fear threatened to take over, but he held it off. He had to be strong for Damian, for the others.
“You aren’t.” Dick pulled Damian into his arms. Damian went limp, his knees giving out. Dick fell with him, ignoring the wetness on his shirt as Damian hid his face into Dick’s shoulder. “(Y/N) is still alive. We know that. We’ll find them and bring them back home.” Dick rested his chin on Damian’s head. His own tears fell down his cheeks. “I swear we’ll find them.” He rocked Damian back and forth.
#dick grayson#dick grayson imagine#nightwing#nightwing imagine#batfamily#batfamily x reader#batfamily imagine#damian wayne#damian wayne imagine#dc comics imagines#dc reader insert#batman#batman imagine
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I have been tempted to write a vampire au so we’ll just do basics
Please ask questions if you have them
So this is still modern times but anyway
Tatiana:
She’s been around the longest, like easily a couple hundred years
she’s pretty strict on the rules just so they won’t be discovered as vampires by hunters
Still has her in game powers, though they came with her turning
The vampire who turned her did not stick around, as they didn’t mean to turn her
Basically they try to drain her and she thought back by biting down on the arm not thinking about it
And she wound up waking up the next night a vampire (they were inside so it was safe)
Djss:
He add neon J are pretty close in age, probably about 100 years or so
Djss was turned by a vampire that was hunted down by hunters
There is no real connection between the two, the vampire simply found djss interesting enough to turn them
Like tatiana, his power surfaced after his turning
Neon J:
He was fighting in a war when the troop he was with was ambushed
He was left to die (with everyone else already dead) and was barely clinging to life when a vampire found him
It offered him a chance to live, to avenge his fallen comrades
Neon, not knowing he was talking to vampire, assumed the person was talking about healing him
So he accepted only to be turned
He’s a heavily scarred vampire
1010:
Beon j turned them to save their lives, but did warn them what it would mean
Zim: got into a fight that left him with a fatal stab wound
Eloni: abusive work place, being worked to death
Accident when was alone had him crushed under heavy material
Purl-hew: fell from a tall building, no one was around
Haym: very sick, dying
Rin: a serial killer at the time attempted murder on him, wounds were fatal
Team sayu and sayu:
About 50 years old
The team were all turned at the same time, by a vamp trying to build an army to fight hunters with
But after a while being stuck with him sayu managed to get them out of there while he was being killed by a hunter
Sayu had also been turned by this guy, and she was the one who tipped off the hunters to where he was
(For those who don’t know typically on the vampire turn someone they are bound to that vampire (in Tatiana‘s case he didn’t want her bound to him so she wasn’t))
Yinu’s mother and yinu:
About 90 years old
She was a happy wife with her husband and yinu was on her way
But there had been a vampire hunting through the town and it had bitten her
The husband was able to stake the vampire, only to find his wife dying
In desperation to save their daughter, she took some blood off of the stake he used to kill the vampire so she would become one
Yinu was born about a week later, but due to the circumstances was born half vampire (it is likely one of the few if not only child that was born partially vampire)
(Vampires cannot give birth)
Thing was it was noticeable that she wasn’t fully human, same with the mother, and the woman who helped her give birth ratted them out to the village
They tried to escape the mob, and while trying to hold them back, the husband was killed
Eve:
About 60 years old
A vampire tried to claim her as his bride and she was stuck with him for 10 years as she was bound to him
She would eventually spend her years trying to gain his trust in get him to let his guard down around her
When he finally did she would stake him through the heart
She would spend years wandering not really interacting with people unless she had to and so on
What happened with Zuke would leave her broken hearted for 6 years
And after those 6 years she would meet someone else
Zuke:
Not turned
He lived with west for a while, just living life
Zuke met eve and she found him to be a kindred spirit and that she could spend the rest of her immortal life with
So they dated for a while
then she revealed but she really was and offered to turn him as well, but handled it poorly and assumed he wanted it
He fled and got to a new city where he felt safe
6 years passed and in that time he met Mayday
Mayday:
Turned recently, still only 21
She came from a rather high class and rich family
As such her family were classist snobs who expected her to marry someone of high status and to take over the family business
So her parents had an arranged marriage set up
She hated it but felt stuck cause she’s never been able to get her parents to take no for an answer
(Since this is modern times her parents don’t have anything against her dating a woman, they just found this man to be the best match due to his status and well)
She’s tried it before and it always ended with them going ahead and doing what they wanted
Then she made friends with zuke, and later on, a very pretty lady
They helped keep her from a breakdown from all the expectations put on her and the upcoming wedding
And slowly but surely she began to fall in love with the woman
Of course she knew her parents wouldn’t allow it
She did confess to the woman and even told her that she wish she could leave with her but she was bound by her “parents’ law”
The night before her wedding, The woman visited her house via her window
After being invited in she revealed herself to be a vampire and offered to take mayday away from here as well as eternal life
May accepted, wanting A life with much more freedom
No one has been able to find her since that night
After May’s disappearance, zuke looked every where for her
And when he heard that she was last seen with a woman who really matched Nadia’s description, he panicked
He realized what had happened, but assumed it was forced on her
So he set out to try and find a cure for them
Bonus stuff
Dk west also knows Nadia is a vampire, and has multiple times tried to get her to turn him
He never succeeded, and part of him blames Zuke for it
The vampires have built a home in Vinyl city
It’s home to all sorts of mythical creatures, as well as some humans that are more friendly with the monsters
But it’s mostly monsters
Yinu due to her status does age but does so very slowly
She will be fully turned when she’s an adult, just matched her is almost like that fledgling status where until she feeds for the first time, she will only be partial vampire
1010 are in their 20’s
There will be an eventual ship between zuke and rin, but only after he stops trying with his cure nonsense
And after there’s some reconciliation between him and Nadia


#no straight roads#no straight roads au#nsr#nsr au#nsr vampire#nsr vampires#nsr vampire au#nsr vampires au#no straight roads vampire#no straight roads vampire au#nsr neon j#nsr mama#nsr zuke#nsr 1010#nsr tatiana#nsr eve#nsr mayday#nsr team sayu#nsr sayu#vampire#vampires#eveday#mayeve#nsr eve x mayday
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Ghost Capatain Chapter 1
Summary: After years of abuse from Hydra reader and the twins escape to New York City and try to survive in the only way they know. Becoming the new top dogs in the American criminal underworld is just a bonus that helps them help people in need. The Avengers, however, aren't that pleased when they by a rough bach of Vibranium and bust into their Club and arrest the reader.This set a whole rollercoaster of events in motion, that not only racked up old memories for the reader but also Bucky and Natasha.
I suck at summaries sorry.
This is a non-canon and just a figment of my imagination that I couldn't get out of my head. at the moment I have a pretty good idea where this fic is going but that could always change. Don’t like don’t read.
Warning: non at the moment but will most likly be added in further chapters.
Ghost Captain Masterlist
You were leaning against the bannister of the private second floor overlooking the club. Your men around you were preparing everything for the deal going down tonight. All were nervous for it, for you, it was just another day at the office.
Your interest at the moment lay with the green-eyed brunette wearing red at the bar. The two of you were having a silent stare down that nobody was paying attention to. You had found her easily enough, even in this sea of people you were drawn to her and it had nothing to do with her psychic powers.
It had taken her a long time accepting her powers, but when she finally did she was a real powerhouse. People always thought you were the scary one, well than they hadn’t ever seen Wanda angry. Even Pietro didn’t trifle with her when she was and he pissed off everybody all the time.
When she was having a bad day because of the burden of her powers put on her or just because of you and Pietro were there for her. The three of you were family and you would die for each other. More importantly, she was your moon, the reason you were still sane after everything Hydra put you through. When the three of you were finally able to escape Hydra you had fled to America and done what you did best. Survived.
After a couple of years in America, the three of you had made a name for yourselves. Now nobody trifled with you anymore. The business you had set up both legally and illegally were run by the three of you in the shadows. Parts of the money you earned was invested back into companies and projects you had running in Sakovia. Never having lost the connection with your home country.
Taking a sip of your drink your eyes drifted back to Wanda. The glass nearly broke form the tension you suddenly put on it. Their next to Wanda was a sniffling little bitch that had the audacity to put his hands on her. He would quickly learn nobody touched your girl and got away with it.
Wanda was sitting at the bar enjoying her drink. She for one liked being on the ground floor, unlike you who mostly stayed on the second floor overlooking the club. Being surrounded by so many people in a controlled environment gave her a certain feeling of normality.
At the moment though she was regretting not being on the second floor with you. The guy to her right was getting closer and closer. The way he was looking at her made her want to throw up. She tried ignoring him and found you looking at her from the bannister.
You looked so dame hot with your burgundy three-piece suit. Just enough buttons of your shirt were undone to be sinful and it sends her mind spiralling. Wanda could also see the numerous women around her trying to get your attention but you had only eyes for her.
Everybody thought you were this big bad mobster with no heart. Well, you were a big bad mobster but Wanda knew you would die for the people you called family. Only they got to see that side of you. Wanda even called you her teddy bear behind closed doors.
“well aren’t you particularly beautiful, sweetheart?” Wanda’s attention was called back to the guy to her right. Now he was leaning against the bar far closer than Wanda would have liked. She decided to not give him any attention, that usually ended with the guy on the floor bleeding.
“you know I have never seen you here before. Us meeting must have been fate.” Wanda could smell the alcohol on his breath. Instead of acknowledging him she turned away and took a sip from her drink. If he kept bothering her for much longer she would call the bouncers to throw him out, before you could deal with him.
Then he made the fatal mistake of putting his hands on her.
“Not to brag or anything but I may know the owner of this joint. If I put in a good word we could go somewhere private.” This made Wanda laugh before she pulled her arm away. She felled your anger burning as she felled you nearing. This time she did face him.
“I don’t believe you know anybody in this club, let alone the owner. You don’t seem to be made from the same material as they are.” Her statement seemed to anger him. He roughly took her by the shoulder this time. His hand, however, was quickly removed by a furious you.
You had a fire in your eyes when you looked at the asshole who dared to put his hands on Wanda. He seemed to link back at your anger trying to pull his hands back.
“you think it’s okay to grab a lady just like that?” it wasn’t a question but he still seemed to want to stammer out a response. He was quickly shut up by you.
“I don’t want to hear your sorry ass excuse. I heard the last part of the conversation you had. I have to say to make such a bold statement you either have to be incredibly tough or incredibly stupid. So tell me what is it. Because believe me I have never seen you before.” His eye became comically wide.
“More importantly I would like to know where you would have gone to be ‘private’ in my club with my girl.” The full realisation hit him and all colour drained from his face. He started blabbering incoherent words together with apologies when one of your waiters showed up. A young woman in her mid-twenties. A good worker never had any problems with her.
“I am so sorry Captain. He is my brother and I let him in. I told him to behave, didn’t know he would go after Wanda.” The girl sounded distressed. You looked her over with a critical eye and she shrunk back into herself.
“Please don’t fire me. I really need this job. I promise I won’t happen again.” The girl stood with her hand hanging down, not meeting your eye. You felled Wanda nudge your mind.
“you can’t fire her. It’s the only job she has and has to provide for her idiot brother and sick mother.” Leave it to Wanda to play on your emotional side. Turning to the sibling Infront of you, sighting internally.
“I don’t want to see his face here again if I do you won’t like the outcome.” Your voice is cold, leaving no room for arguing. Not that they would try anyway. Soon after the bouncers arrived and took him away.
The girls turn to you with watery eyes.
“thank you. I wouldn’t know what I would have done if I lost my job.” You clapped the girl's shoulder to ground her.
“We can’t be held accountable for what our family does.” Your voice is hard but caring, something Wanda is going to tease you about later. Finally, she met your eyes and gave you a small smile. That is when your eyes caught something, a small bruise around her eye.
You felled the girl stiffen again, trying to get out your grasp.
“I fell this morning.” her lie wasn’t convincing at all but you didn’t correct her. Instead, you took a card out of your back pocket and put it in her hand.
“When you are ready go to this address. Tell them I send you and everything will be sorted out for you.” She put the card in her pocket and went back to work. You only hoped she wouldn’t wait until it was too late.
The attention that was on you quickly faded when the song changed and people went back to drinking and dancing. Turning around you were met with Wanda smiling at you.
“you are getting soft in your old age my captain.” She smirked at you. Quickly snacking an arm around her waist and pulling her closer.
“Who are you calling old baby. If I recall correctly I’m only two years older than you my little witch.” You whisper in her ear, not denying her statement. Wanda knew you were soft for her. You did nip her ear as small reprimanding. She only giggled and hugged you close.
“I love you, my Captain.” She told you kissing you deeply.
“love you too my little witch.” after a long passionate moment your break apart and remind her that you have a meeting in half an hour and that you should prepare for that.
Normally you and Pietro make the deals with when they are done in the clubs, Wanda being in the back pretending to be eye candy. In reality, she was scanning everybody for trouble but Pietro was with Zrinka at the moment. So you would do the deal on your own, with Wanda as a back-up.
For today's deal, you were glad she would be staying on the background. Ulysses Klaue was a pig and you despised having to work with him and after the shit that went down with Ultron, he wasn’t happy to work with you either. But he wanted to do business in the city so he had to go through you to do it.
“would you look at this, the street rat made it big.” Klaue laughed when he was let into the room and saw you sitting at the desk. Your facial expression didn’t waver. You had long ago learned to never let verbal assault get to you.
“I would say it’s nice to see you again Klaue but we both know that would be a lie. So why don’t you tell me what you came here with and we can both go on with our life’s.” his smirk quickly disappeared and was replaced with a scowl.
“watch who you are talking too. I have an appointment with the leader of this joint.” Now it was your turn to laugh.
“I know. You are talking to them.” You see him want to make a smart-ass comment but cut him off.
“I would watch the tone you take on with me. Everything that is said here will determine if the big boss wants to do further business with you. So I would watch your words.” He grumbles under his breath but sat down.
It quickly became clear he wanted to get rid of his last batch of Vibranium. Apparently, the Avengers were closing in on him and he hopped getting rid of it would get them off his case. You thought that was highly unlikely but weren’t about to tell him that. T’challa had asked you and the twins to look out for rogue Vibranium and get it back to Wakanda.
“so if I’m understanding this correctly you want to sell me your last batch of Vibranium.” You slumped a little in your seat and intertwined your fingers.
“why would you do that?” you knew why but wanted to be sure and hear it from him.
“I think you know why. The Avengers are hunting me for months and there are only so many places one can run to before being sick of it.” He spat out, already angry enough he had to deal with you. He was also apprehensive cause last he checked the Avengers were just breathing down his neck.
Feeling you had desperate enough for negotiation you put your poker face back on.
“Alright, we might be interested in buying it from you. You saw hope flicker behind his eyes, even though he further showed no emotions.
“at the right price of course.” You smirked.
“1 million dollars.” He started. You razed an unimpressed eyebrow at him.
“750 000” you countered.
“900 000”
“I thought you wanted to get rid of it to get the Avengers of your ass.” You questioned.
“850 000” he tried again.
“800 000, with the promise wrap this up tonight. That is my final offer.” You reached your hand out to close the deal. He seemed to contemplate for a moment but finally shook your hand. After that things were finalized quickly. Seemed he wanted to get rid of it. Within the hour the crate with Vibranium stood in your office and you were eight hundred thousand dollars lighter but it was worth it.
Klaue didn’t waste any time to leave with his eight hundred thousand dollars and put as much distance between him and the treat as he could.
When you were sure he had left you called Wanda to join you in the office. Completely slumping into your chair suit jacket open, happy that that deal was over. Wanda sauntered into the office with a massive grin on her face.
“look at you my big scary mob boss handling things so smoothly.” She pulls you out of your chair and into a big messy kiss. When you eventually part for air you stroke the side of her face.
“come on gorgeous let’s go home so I can show you what a real badass I am.” She giggled. If other people would see you like this they wouldn’t believe her but luckily you were already hers.
“yes, lets so I can spoil you for a job well done.” She giggled when a little blush appeared on your face.
Leading her toward the back garage, not feeling like waiting for your driver. Beside you liked to drive once in a while. Picking the keys to the Lykan sportscar. Having let the Vibranium being placed in before. You lead Wanda to the passenger door when alarms began going off.
You quickly turn around and look at the monitors placed in the garage. What you see makes you curse, the Avengers were busting down the door of your club. Subtlety apparently wasn’t something they did.
“I thought some of them were ex-assassins.” Wanda had to chuckle at your comment. Turning toward her you give her the keys. She looked at you confused.
“go now. I will cover you with my powers.” Disbelieve filled her eyes.
“(Y/N)! no, I am not leaving you behind.” At moments you find her stubbornness adorable, not right now.
“Wanda we don’t have time for this. They are after the leader of this club. That is me, so that means you can get away.” The ‘you can get me out later’ going unsaid.
“promise me you will be careful?” you gave her a reassuring kiss while opening the driver’s door.
“I promise. Now go may we meet in Sint-Pietersburg.” You saw her understanding before she got into the car, setting up a mental link with you. As she drives out the garage you reflect the lights around the car so it seemed to be invisible. When you know she is out of reach you start thinking about your own escape.
The moment you think about slipping into the shadows you are hit in the back with an electric shock that made your knees buckle and fall to the ground. Twisting with aftershock you see pair of black combat boots come closer. Looking up you see a woman with red hair wearing a SHIELD tactical suit.
“shit!” you mutter before she hits you with another round of electrical shock before you pass out.
Chapter 2
Want to support me Buy me a Ko-fi
#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff#pietro maximoff#mobster au#reader insert#Female reader#female x female#female x male#natasha romanoff#Natasha Romanoff x Bucky Barnes#Bucky Barnes#Steve Rogers#tony stark#pepper potts#peter parker#bruce banner#clint barton#mutant reader#past abuse#wanda maximoff x you#Ghost Captain
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⥂ 𝐧𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐫 (𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐬)
chapter i | price tag punch ; the last thing you’d ever expected is to see kuroo tetsuro’s lying, scheming ass again. little do you know, you’re about to get very well acquainted, all over again, for the lovely price tag of $60 million. a job’s a job, right ?
dessert pairing; international smuggler! kuroo tetsuro x international smuggler! fem reader
warnings; a solid right hook to the jaw, criminal activity, meet-ugly, reuniting exes
a/n; oh boy, i hope y’all are ready to hate kuroo’s smug lil ass !
the last time you saw kuroo tetsuro, he was harnessed to a helicopter rope above an abandoned villa as dutch police put you in handcuffs. he’d betrayed you, sold you out to the competing smugglers and stolen the briefcase containing the priceless original drafts of mozart’s earliest compositions, and he did it all with that absolutely infuriating shit eating grin he always had when he pulled a fast one on someone. usually, it was a competing thief. this time, it was you.
a years partnership down the drain, and a year’s worth of hookups & whispered love confessions burnt with that final bridge. you’d never forget the way he looked that morning, golden in the rising sun as he deserted you. your heart had never truly recovered.
luckily, you had contacts in nearly every agency; you were a free woman ten hours later, purse a little heavier from pickpocketing every cop who’d given you shit. [the hermés bag was a “self gift” from the bitchy receptionist. at least she had good taste in handbags.]
recovering from the betrayal wasn’t so easy, nor quick; you lost count of how many nights youd spent in some slicked up city bar, drowning your sorrows & scouting out new jobs. two years of rock bottom hadn’t been kind to you, but you were finally on the up & up, reestablishing yourself among the ranks of your fellow smugglers.
you were a thief, for god’s sake. you couldn’t mope forever.
thankfully, in the two years since “the dutch incident” — as you’re so dramatically labeling it — you haven’t seen so much as a whisper of tetsuro. he wasn’t accepting jobs or teaming up with anyone, not that it would matter to you if he was. in your mind, kuroo tetsuro was dead & gone; you’d like to keep it that way.
besides, you had more important things to think about than him.
you’d been tapped for a business meeting, with an elusive mr. ondori — on paper, the man was a ghost, completely off the grid. none of your contacts knew him either, so you were going in completely blind; less than ideal.
still, you trusted yourself to handle whatever life could possibly throw at you. you were prepared for anything now, & you keep that mindset as you ride the elevator up to the penthouse of an apartment block in london that looked too expensive for even your red bottom heels to walk through.
pushing open the wide, polished wood door, you can see nothing but high end furniture & floor to ceiling glass windows at first. it’s a beautiful apartment, & you’re wondering just what kind of smuggling job you were taking on when you spot an all too familiar head of spiky black hair.
never presume a thief dead until you see a body.
kuroo fucking tetsuro saunters over to your wide eyed, shocked form, a far too smug grin on his lips.
“hiya angelface — you miss me?” he looks just how you remember him; a mess of black hair falling over one eye, broad shoulders & sharp jaw shaping an unfairly handsome face. it’s like not a day’s gone by since the “dutch incident” — it’s almost laughable how little he’s changed.
for a moment, you’re both staring at each other in tense silence, neither one of you making a move to break it.
and then you pull your fist back with surprising speed, fist landing clean with a solid crack! against kuroo’s jaw.
well. that’s one way to break the tension.
when you focus again, your hand is throbbing, the lavish apartment in chaos; kuroo is whining like a bitch, blood is on the polished wood floor, & you realize with a start that he’s real. kuroo tetsuro is cowering behind a suede chair that probably cost more than the both of you combined, a split lip & a bruised jaw marring his — still stupidly handsome — face.
“i cannot believe the fucking balls on you, kuroo backstabbing piece of shit fucking rat bitch tetsuro ! you were dead to me ! dead & gone, for good, & you’ve got the audacity to trick me into meeting you here after you fucking sold me out—“
“alright, alright okay ! just let me explain, okay? please put down the vase.” you didn’t even realize you were holding it, brandishing it above your head like a weapon more like.
you lower it slowly, face not changing as he straightened himself out. “five minutes, kuroo. five minutes, then i’m leaving.”
he nods hastily, hands still up in a peaceful gesture as he watches you put the vase down. sighing in relief, he sits down in the chair, motioning towards the free one across from him — which you tentatively sit in.
“first... i’m sorry. i know it doesn’t mean shit now—“ “—you’re damn right it doesn’t—“ “—but still. i’m sorry. i’m also sorry that i can’t give you an explanation. but i’ve got a job for us now, so can we just.... put it behind us, at least until i offer you the job?”
you nod slowly, your glare not softening in the slightest; he’ll take what he can get.
“$60 million, kitten. 60. million. dollars. typical billionaire bullshit — he cheated on his wife, she robbed him of the most expensive thing he had in the house, he wants it back. in & out, okay?” the price tag makes your eyes water, & it almost seems laughably easy. except....
“why me? the amount of smugglers you could hire before me is longer than your dick—“
“ouch, kitten, no need for insults.”
“stop calling me that. you lost the rights two years ago.” he sulks a little at that, but you’re past that. he’s lucky you’re even still listening. “why me, kuroo?”
“i’ll be honest, i wouldn’t have decided on you either. i figured... i’d done you enough damage. but it was a condition of the job. i could have anyone on my team, but you had to be apart of it.” you frown at his words, confused & concerned; why would they want you?
luckily, kuroo’s got an answer for you, looking sheepish. “i’m not as good on my own, i’ll be the first to admit it. fucked up some jobs since we split. it’s probably insurance, ya know?”
the answer isn’t enough, but you accept it, mulling over the proposal with a sigh. “$60 million?”
“$60 million, ki— [y/n], & you’ll never have to see my ugly mug again. hell, you could retire. aren’t you tired of running?”
the words ring around in your head, & you can’t lie, it’s too good to pass up; even if it meant being stuck with kuroo for longer than you’d ever be comfortable with again.
“$60 million & i ghost, kuroo. i’m not doing this for you, so don’t expect me to like it, either.” from the look on his face, you’d have thought you’d agreed to marry him in paris.
“you won’t regret this, kitten. i mean, [y/n]. “ god, that’s going to get annoying.
“shut up, kuroo.”
“of course, dear.”
whap!
“ow ! alright, jesus christ kitten— put the vase down!”
bonus: “i’m surprised you didn’t know it was me. ondori literally means rooster in japanese. you’d call me rooster head all the time.”
“yeah, back when you were tolerably insufferable & not a waste of good, clean oxygen.”
“ouch, kitten. you’re a murderer with words.”
[taglist: @cloudydayanime @animefandomally @seita @kyberhearts @rienin ]
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu fanfiction#kuroo tetsuro x reader#kuroo x reader#hq!! au#hq!! x reader#haikyuu!!#haikyuu kuroo#evywrites#kuroo x you#kuroo x y/n#no honor series
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@doctorbunny was talking about The Crazy Diamonds transforming anyone who wants to join The Crazy Diamonds into a vampire and I wanted to talk about that without filling their cool art post with my rambling.
That’s a wicked cool idea honestly. What’s a better initiation than “you gotta let our leader drain the bood out of you, then you’re reborn as one of us”? That’s so freaking sick.
But it definetly seems like something Daiya wouldn’t keep doing for long. Once he’s no longer a teenager making to ragtag gang, he realizes that making people make such a massive life decision before joining might be a bit intense.
Semi-off topic, but I’ll lead back into my point in a bit. Given that this is a universe where vampires are real, there’s probably a ton of stigma against them. It’s not terribly easy to get blood, especially not for poorer people. So a lot of vampires prey on the homeless or poor kids just to get by. Perhaps that’s how Daiya and Mondo got transformed?
And the city isn’t doing anything meaningful to stop the problem. They aren’t making blood easier to acess, they’re arresting vampires and doing nothing else, allowing the cycle to continue.
So The Crazy Diamonds kinda becomes Daiya’s solution to the problem, Because he’s sick of seeing turned kids trying to hunt down rats and stray animals just to survive when there’s tons of blood in hospitals they could be drinking. And he’s sick of being being so desperate that they’re willing to prey on the homeless just for a meal.
And so, instead of turning people into vampires, Daiya recruits any vampire he finds and finds a way to safely feed them. Sure it involves some theft probably, but Daiya tries not to take from bloodbanks or hospitals that are struggling. Plus, he’s decreasing the spread of vampireism, so that’s a bonus.
Once Daiya retires, the community sees him as a hero basically. Because without him, the city would be full of vampires half mad with hunger. Daiya opens up a blood bank exclusively for vampires and gets so many donations.
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Can you do J trying to surprise reader cause she had a rough day once she gotten off work and j thought of something that he think it'll make her sequel with joy
Thank you so much for your request @jokerslittlekeeper 💖❤️💕💜 I’ve had some really rough days lately myself so this was nice to write, I really hope you like it!!
Self-insert, Ledger Joker x fem reader, romantic relationship, fluff
Word count: 1,827
Warnings: light alcohol consumption
Dinner with a Show
Well today was shit. Nothing seemed to go right, everyone was in your face about something and on top of that, you didn’t get lunch and you were starving. People could probably see the dark cloud hanging over your head while you walked to the bus stop after work. You kept your eyes down to avoid eye contact with anyone and stared at the cracked pavement beneath your feet. You tried not to let things like that get to you but when one thing after another jabs you in the side all day, you start to break down.
Too tired to watch where you were going, you walked straight into a ‘road work’ sign, tripping over your own feet until you fell hard onto the sidewalk. You quickly stood and rubbed your sore knee, fighting the tears that gathered under your eyelids and trying to ignore people’s stares around you. You just had to get home and forget this day ever happened.
At first you wanted to be alone, just crawl under your covers and shut out the world outside. But you wished J was with you. Getting involved with the Joker certainly wasn’t something you could have seen coming but what started with you becoming a hostage when you went to deposit your paycheck at the bank, has turned into the strangest relationship you’ve ever been in. J knows what makes you cry, what makes you laugh, what brings you joy. You’d think he’d use this to his advantage and he does, but only to make you happy. Your smile seems to be the only one he takes pleasure in seeing.
You felt warm just thinking about him being near you and you pulled out your phone to type a message. You closed your eyes and sighed as you sat at the bus stop, hoping you’d hear back. The bus arrived as the street lights flickered on above you and when you got to your seat, the phone buzzed in your hand and you took a breath before looking at the screen to see a message from an unknown number.
‘half hour. your place.’
Your heart fluttered and a little smile pulled at your cheeks for the first time all day. The ride home was already easier just knowing he was coming to see you. You certainly can’t go on a typical date but he always seemed to find a way to put his own spin on a night out. You didn’t really know what you wanted but you just wanted him with you.
It didn’t take long after changing your clothes and freshening up for your phone to ring.
“Hey, doll.”
Your eyes lit up at the sound of his voice and you answered, “Hey, J.”
“Come downstairs, the usual spot.” he said before hanging up.
You quickly slid your shoes on and locked up before heading down the hall to the stairs at the back of the apartment building. Housing in Gotham proper was often a gamble on what you’d have to deal with. Whether it was rats, leaky pipes, or paper thin walls, it was always something. But you were lucky enough to find a place that just had creaky floors and as a bonus, a secluded lot behind it where J could pick you up. The back door of the familiar black car opened and you climbed in to be met with J’s lips crashing into yours while he pulled you close.
You melted into his touch as he held your face before gently breaking the kiss, your eyes still closed. “Rough day, doll face?”
Your eyes opened to meet his dark-rimmed gaze and you sighed, nodding your head. “Its getting better now, though,” you answered.
He chuckled and tucked a stray hair behind your ear before replying with a smirk, “Well I may have thought of something to, ah, cheer you up.”
You couldn’t help the big smile that grew on your face. You hoped he would say that. “Really?”
“Mmhm. Ya hungry?”
“Starving.”
He chuckled louder and said, “Let’s fix that, hm?”
The car pulled away down the street while the last of daylight disappeared behind the towering buildings. Your muscles finally began to relax as you leaned against J in the back seat. He hummed and put his hand on your thigh. Even through his glove it felt warm. When the car stopped you noticed it had pulled up in front of your favorite Italian restaurant. Your heart sank a little because you knew they weren’t open on Mondays and you tried to tell J but he’d already gotten out of the car.
When you closed your door you noticed him walking toward the alley on the side of the building, looking at you with a smirk before beckoning you to join him. You followed down the alley to see him knelt in front of the side door with a pick in the lock.
“Now I know your favorite place is closed on Monday, which just so happens to be ah to-day, but I still want ya to have a nice dinner.”
Before you could respond, he had the door open and disappeared inside.
“J! What d’you mean?” you called out as you tried to catch up to him, his purple coat swishing through the door at the back of the dining room.
Once you pushed the swinging metal door open, you saw him with his coat and gloves off and his sleeves rolled up. He started clanging pots and pans around underneath the stainless steel countertop and you giggled. “So you’re cooking for me?”
He grinned at you with a delighted look in his eyes and said, “I’m a man of many, uh, talents, princess,” before wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
Your heart did a little flip as you grinned back, unable to hold back a little squeal of excitement. “Well I’ll just sit back and enjoy the show then.”
You looked around and spotted a stool by the door then pulled it up the the countertop to sit down and rest your chin in your hands, propped up on your elbows. He chuckled through his nose and set a large pot on the counter before sauntering over to the fridge. Opening the door to lean his head inside, he started humming to himself while he nonchalantly tossed various items over his shoulder in search of what he needed. You couldn’t help but laugh as vegetables, eggs, and containers of various sauces hit the floor behind him while he paid no attention to the mess he was making. He finally emerged from the fridge with his arms loaded up with ingredients.
Your stomach started to growl so loud he could probably hear it. “So what are you making?”
“Welll, what is it that you always get?” he asked in return.
“Chicken alfredo,” you answered without having to think about it, the order already at the front of your mind.
He clicked his tongue and winked, letting the items in his arms tumble onto the counter while you smiled at him. You were so excited to eat your favorite dish, and not to mention curious about whether he could actually cook.
J ignited the burner on the giant stove and poured oil in a pan that he put over the flame. The fact that J had it in him to produce a controlled fire and not let it grow out of control was already a surprise to you. He made you laugh as he made a big show of dropping chicken to cook in the oil and flinging spices on it, making an absolute mess. For his next trick, he threw butter and garlic in another pan then added heavy cream to make the sauce, pouring the cream from as high up as he could reach so that it splashed everywhere. While that simmered, he reached for the handle of an impressively large kitchen knife. You found yourself holding your breath when he started spinning it around, doing tricks and tossing it in the air to twirl around and catch it before swiftly cutting up the cooked chicken as you sighed with relief, making him chuckle. Then he stuck his finger in the boiling hot sauce before putting it in his mouth to taste it.
“J!” you exclaimed.
He shrugged with a smile, clearly unfazed by the burning hot liquid, and concluded that it was to his liking before grabbing a huge handful of prepared fettuccine pasta from a container. He slapped it into the sauce with a splash, laughing when he saw you got some on your face. Letting it all simmer together for a minute or two, he grabbed two plates and started searching the kitchen for something.
Just when you were going at ask what he was doing, he shouted, “Ah!” before coming back to the counter with a bottle of champagne and two glasses. He smirked at the huge grin on your face while peeling the foil from the top then aimed the bottle and popped the cork off, sending it whizzing through the air to hit a light switch, lowering the light in the room. You giggled and looked at him with your eyes sparkling like the champagne. A smug smile on his face as he could see you were clearly impressed, he tipped the bottle of bubbly to take a swig before pouring it in the glasses.
You sipped from your glass and next thing you knew, a big plate of alfredo-dressed fettuccine topped with delicious smelling chicken was placed in front of you. You looked up from the plate with a smile to meet his gaze with yours, heavy-lidded and full of admiration. He returned it and held his glass up for you to tap yours against it with a clink before you both dug in to the best chicken alfredo you’d ever had.
“You know this means you’re gonna have to start cooking for me all the time now, right?” you said while J drained the last of the champange down his throat, both of your bellies full.
He snorted and replied, “Mmm is that so?”
He laughed when you nodded with a satisfied expression then approached you with a sly grin, turning your stool to face him before putting his hands on your thighs and leaning in to kiss you. Your eyes closed while you savored it, the warmth and tenderness of it adding to the sleepiness that was making your eyelids heavy. After helping you down from your perch, he reached for his coat then wrapped it around your shoulders as you both headed for the door to go home. Before leaving the kitchen, he stopped in front of the dessert case and opened it to grab a huge chocolate cake while you giggled.
You fell asleep with your head on J’s shoulder in the back of the car, your hunger more than satisfied and your mind finally at ease.
#heath ledger joker#the dark knight#ledger!joker#tdk joker#joker fanfiction#fluff#romance#tw alcohol
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