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momolady · 5 months

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2023 Year End Stats

Not to be stereotypical or anything, but for me at least, 2023 was an odd year. I bled for 6 months straight, dealt with the worst pain I still can't comprehend, had a hysterectomy, moved in with my partner, got some cats, dealt with a lot of stress, watched the world burn. Yeah, it's been pretty good to outweigh the bad.

But anyways! I've done the math and put together a list of my stories that performed the best this year. At least in terms of notes anyways. I'm also going to share my stories that didn't perform as well and hope they get the love they deserve.

Anyways, let's get on with the count down. Forty total stories have published on Tumblr this year. Sixty-six were published on Patreon. Top monsters were orcs (7), Vampire (3), Fae, Minotaur, Romm Monster, Lich (all 2).

Top Ten Stories:

10. Kahann the Naga

This one would probably be in my top ten favorites to write of the year. This dark, twisted romance between a lonely, isolated girl shipwrecked on an island with the dangerous and sexy Kahann struck the dark romance itch I've been wanting to scratch.

9. Keir the Orc

Comfy farm romance that features annoyances to lvoers. What else could you want? Orcs are always fun to write, I feel I could do it with my eyes closed, but thankfully I don't wanna do that.

8. Atharo the Lich

The pink lich, this one had imagery in it I couldn't get out of my head. the visions of this pink lich still huant me and I wish I could conjur such sstrong imagery still.

7. Asier the Drider

A simple premise we cann understand. Getting packages and ordering online is probably yhe msot fun we can have without leaving our homes. But what if your neighbor was annoyed by this? And what if that neighbor was a drider?

6. Auberon the Room Monster

The enchanted library. i think I've written more about the romance and mystery of bookstores an libraries more than anything. But this story was special, with lots of worldbuilding wrapped like a blanket around these characters. The room this monster stays in is the library, and who doesn't wanna spend time with that guy?

5. Marek the Vampire

This murky, dark, and swampy tale is one of those that stays with me. The idea of a different sort of vampire, one in the bogs and wetlands of a strange peninsula that gets flooded every year haunts me. The image of him is one of my absolute favorite creations and I hope I get to visit this peninsula village again.

4. Placide the Paralangua

This story marks the beginning and growth of my Charcourt universe. Liek Hearthway Hollow it's a town filled to the brim with straneg creatures, only it's the Paralangua, alligator type monsters who throw a festival every year to celebrate their history and the continued growth of Charcourt. Is it a cult? Maybe. There's a new five part tale of this area up on Patreon now.

3. Ben the Werewolf

Enmies to lovers, I think most people get on board with this trope. This tale of Hearthway Hollow delves into the relationship between two high school enemies who reconnect after years and manage to put aside their competitivness to find one another. The lead in thisstory is also Rowan's little sister.

2. Leraye the Demon

Demons are always fun. My demon characters have ways of weaving themselves in and out of the world we know, sometimes as proper members of society, often not. Leraye is one of those that visits our world as a full time member, seeing out the comforts of a Chinese bakery whose owners are a family with ties into the reality he avoids.

Florenz the Vampire Bat

This would for sure also be on my favorites of the year. This dark story wove together elements of fantasy, horror, and romance that I love to death. The lead is sophisticated and dashing, the lead is adventurous and excitable. The chemistry between the leads while writing this tale was so good.

The Ten Least Appreciated Stories

10. Juniper the Tiefling

I am deeply disappointed this didn't do as well as I expected. This story was based on characters me and my bff made for a one shot DND session. So this story was more personal to me than others. but more than that, I feel it had some of my best banter!

9. Rocco the Guard

Another personal tale based on ideas me and my friend came up with during a visit where we watched the Owl House together. I also greatly enjoyed the leading lady who was smart, spunky, and chaotic in the absolute best ways.

8. Ozzie the Werewolf & Tryfon the Naiad

It has a trans lead, it has polyamory, it was set in hearthway Hollow! I thought this story was serving up gold on a platter. But maybe people weren't in the mood for gold. The comedy in this is top notch, at least I thought.

7. Laertes the Fae

Another story where the dialogue I feel sparkles and pops with every interaction the characters had. This did only recently come out, so maybe it'll grow after this.

6. Ransom the Shapeshifter

Another personal story based around lore me and my bff created for our Stardew Valley characters. It also featured a nonbinary lead and monster, I thought people would be excited for this. I loved playing with the avant-garde sci-fi aspect and being a little weird. But maybe that's why people didn't like it too much lol

5. The Leshy

Another story that would be in my top ten for my personal favorites to write. I loved the complexity of the leading lady and crafting her has made her a personal favorite. The characters and world of this story will be one that stays with my thoughts as I think about the cozy, dark streets anfdthe moss covered steps of the buildings.

4. Jaqueline the Dullahan

This story has it all! Chocolate, Halloween, a sexy dullahan chef, and it's a lesbian romance. Maybe I don't have enough wlw readers but this story came from a ko-fi prompt I wrot and just grew into a full fledged story. I really enjoyed the atmosphere of this story and how it felt like a cozy fireplace with hot cocoa.

3. Beast the Symbiote

Beast is a character I have been wanting to get out into the world for years. She's such a complex villain character, and who doesn't love that. I feel like she is one of my coolest characters. Lucky Devil was also a character I had been dying to get out, she's been in my head since I watched Magi Madoka and she took form slowly over the years. She is in part based on me, and I want to do more with this lovely couple.

2. Fia the Selkie

I'm starting to see a pattern here. Male reader stories aren't ya'lls cup of tea? Too bad, I have some amazing male readers and commissioners I adore working for. Fia was this comforting warm blanket of a story. A struggling musician and the lovely Selkie he's come to be with. I really love this story, please check it out if you want some comfort.

1.Ria the Orc: an AU

I'm actually a wee bit pissed about this one. Another male reader, and Ria is a character I've come to absolutely love. This was written for a commissioner I've come to consider a friend, and writing for him has become an amazing experience. Ria and her beau have also become such real, loving characters in my head. This was an AU of the modern monsters Ria where she is in Obresh and participates in the Reaping. Who doesn't love Reaping stories? C'mon folks, give these ten stories the love they deserve!

Thank you all for an amazing year! Next year I will hopefully publish and you're going to see bigger and grander things from me, I owe that to all of you. Keep a look out for my Ozren novel hitting the shelf soon. Thank you so much and I hope I continue to write stories you love.

#top ten #year in review #2023 #monster romance #monster fuqqer #monster smut #orc #vampire #lich #fae #writblr #writing community #creative writing #personal

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thewolvesof1998 · 5 months

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✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

Words and Fics

47, 302 words published to ao3

1 fandoms (9-1-1)

Most recent drop: even when the heat breaks I’m still yours (E, 6,169 words)

Longest Fic: Alright, Cowboy, Go Get 'Em (E, 16,925 words)

Top Fics by Kudos

I want you to be selfish with me (M, 4,652 words)

You bring me comfort (T, 4,181 words)

Tapping Morse Code into your heart (E, 2,796 words)

let me cradle your body (be a safe place to rest) (G, 1,972 words)

nicknames, supernova similes and the family we make (G, 800 words)

My fandom fic events in 2023

I didn't participate in any this year but maybe next year!

Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024

Fics I'm going to try and get out this year:

Dog Tags Fic/Mistaken Identity/Christmas: They don’t know (your name is already mine)

Secret fic

Buddie rodeo/Alright Cowboy, Go Get 'Em

Already started/mostly written:

Buddie MMA Rivals AU

Someone to be Gentle- 5 times Buck is gentle with Eddie and + One time Eddie repays his gentleness

For you mi amor, I choose death/Buddie Mafia AU

Librarian AU/Let me check you out

You make bad day infinitely better

Vampire/Werewolf Buddie/Halloween fic

Only the already bad can be influenced/Crop top and short shorts fic

Bank Robbery Fic/Mutually Assured Destruction

No-Nut-November fic

Pirates Buddie

We might end up real close 2x1 fic

Ideas/planned/just started fics:

Buck get dumps, gets drunk with Eddie and thinks they slept together fic

Awkward Sex Buddie fic

I can see you sequel

Love list Buddie

Don't go where I can't follow

Motorcycle fic

Street racing/Fast and Furious AU

Buddie- You belong with me fic

5+1 Platonic Daddy fic with @exhuastedpigeon

LA zoo TikTok Buck

Buck & Eddie wedding- Something wrong in the village

sword buddie pt. 2/ Under the Guise of Violence

Post Lawsuit/Call your mum inspired fic

Untitled post season 6 angst based on Stick Season

I've tagged all the latest post about all the fics that I've already made posts about (all previous snippets should be linked if you want to go back and read them)

Rules & Tags below the cut!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

Tagged by: @steadfastsaturnsrings @smilingbuckley @your-catfish-friend @theotherbuckley @jamespearce9-1-1 @jesuisici33 @wikiangela @hippolotamus @monsterrae1 @exhuastedpigeon

Tagging (no pressure): @wildlife4life @eddiebabygirldiaz @disasterbuckdiaz @spotsandsocks @try-set-me-on-fire @bekkachaos @buddierights @spagheddiediaz @911-on-abc @shitouttabuck @911onabc @malewifediaz @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @watchyourbuck @king-buckley @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese @daffi-990 @fortheloveofbuddie @mangacat201 @hoodie-buck @eowon @rainbow-nerdss @nmcggg @pirrusstuff @evanbegins @giddyupbuck @sammysouffle @carrierofthepaperclips @jeeyuns @callmenewbie @thosetwofirefighters @princehattric @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove

#I have about another 45k words in my whips - crazy to think I would be close to 100k if finished some fics instead of starting more 😂#9-1-1 #buddie #thewolvesof1998 writes #Fic Writing Review 2023 #911 #buddie fic #fic writing #evan buckley #eddie diaz

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hippolotamus · 6 months

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✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

Words and Fics

106,205 words published to ao3

2 fandoms (9-1-1 and Schitt's Creek)

Most recent drop: it's tempawrary (SC | 3.2k | Teen)

Longest fic: Whatever may come (your heart I will choose) (Buddie | 77.4k | Mature)

Top Fics by Kudos

for the record (Buddie | 2.4k | T)

I know all your secrets (SC | 4.7k | E)

if this love is pain (let's hurt tonight) (Buddie | 3.2k | T)

Whatever may come (Buddie | 77.4k | M)

all in the Jee-tails (Married Buddie | 4.5k | T)

My fandom fic events in 2023

One entry for @911ficletsnotnovels (Madney)

Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024

well, what I hope to achieve in 2024 anyway... let's not get too crazy

finish and publish:

praying to god one day you'll be mine - Buddie oneshot(?) 9 y/o Eddie asks his best friend in the world, Evan, on a date with the encouragement of Tia Pepa. After, the Diaz parents shame the hell out of him for it. As an adult Eddie really wants to ask Buck out but has to overcome all of his childhood queer grief to do so. (okay maybe I'm being optimistic about this being a oneshot... god knows I can't shut up when it comes to queer feels and grief)

come close (let me be home) - a Buddie Bridgerton au with Eddie as Viscount Anthony Bridgerton and Buck as Kate Sharma overseeing Maddie finding a new husband.

you're where i wanna go - Buddie historical au that is set mostly in the 1900's with some travels back to 1899, and forward to 1969. Buck and (single, childless, never been married) Eddie meet in 1899 when Buck is traveling after Maddie leaves. They are later separated and Buck marries Lucy (for reasons that have nothing to do with love and everything to do with queerplatonic goodness). Years later Eddie returns with Christopher...

with my heart in my lap - Twylexis historical au. Alexis and Twyla get together in August 1939, just before Canada enters WWII. Alexis leaves for college but returns almost immediately because teachers, students, etc have left the school to join the war. When she comes home Twyla isn't there. Alexis goes traveling around and ultimately lands in New York. While browsing a junk shop she comes across a necklace she gave to Twyla when they got together and begins a search to find her lost love.

And if I’m super lucky/ambitious

the darkest fairytale - Buddie magic au with witch!Eddie and cat familiar!Buck

run to the water (and find me there) - Buddie au. Kid Eddie is saved by merperson!Buck after a wave knocks him under the water. They reconnect when Eddie moves to LA as an adult.

rules and tags below the cut

tagged by @exhuastedpigeon @monsterrae1 @underwater-ninja-13 thank you loves 😘

no pressure tagging @disasterbuckdiaz @daffi-990 @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @stereopticons @blackandwhiteandrose @rmd-writes @vanillahigh00 @apothecarose LOML @lizzie-bennetdarcy @jamespearce9-1-1 @jesuisici33 @buddierights @watchyourbuck @thewolvesof1998 @giddyupbuck @statueinthestone @spotsandsocks @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @wikiangela @loserdiaz @heartshapedvows @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @smblmn @ramonaflow @pirrusstuff @welcometololaland @your-catfish-friend @steadfastsaturnsrings @hoodie-buck and anyone else who wants to play 💞

#apparently i’m in my *separate and reunite them* era #3 fandoms if you count the sprinkle of tumblr words for fellow travelers #*damn* i sure do love parens in titles #writing gods give me strength to finish these wips #fic writing review 2023 #hippo writes #sc fic #buddie fic

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noeljpenaflor · 7 months

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This The Marvels (2023) Review Has Marvel VFX Artists Allowed To Eat A Can of Peaches Every Other Week! (LINK Below)

Click on This Link For Flerkens!!!

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hgejfmw-hgejhsf · 5 months

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2023 Writing Roundup

I had to scroll back pretty far to find the tags for this, so if I missed someone who did this already and tagged me, I'm sorry if I double tag you at the end! But thanks to @kiwiana-writes and @inexplicablymine for tagging me in this roundup post!

As the post is going to reveal, I, uh, only just got back into writing a few months back, after taking almost ten years off due to, honestly, a lack of inspiration. I'd lost my voice, and I didn't suspect I'd ever love anything enough to write again, until this little pink book came barrelling into my life in June, followed swiftly by a little Amazon Prime movie in August, and both changed my life forever.

So without further ado, here's my writing roundup for 2023:

January

Nada

February

Zilch

March

Nothin'

April

Not a damn thing

May

Nope, nothing here either

June

Keep right on going, my friends

July

29th - The Lake House The night following the election, Alex has a surprise planned for Henry. A chance to make some new history.

August

8th - What If I Do? What was Henry thinking when he left Alex at the lake house? What were the days that followed like for him before Alex showed up at his door and forced him to face not only Alex, but himself?

18th - Gravity The first time that Henry enters Alex's orbit, at the Melbourne Climate Conference, and all of their subsequent meetings leading to their "violent altercation" at the royal wedding. Inspired by a post about how Henry very pointedly chose not to shake Alex's hand in the receiving line after the wedding and what that could have meant.

19th - The Rope Henry's reaction to Alex nearly telling him that he loves him at the lake house in Texas.

19th - A brief spark of a moment: A Red, White & Royal Blue drabble collection These drabbles are simply my personal challenge to contain myself to 100 words when I've always been…long-winded.

20th - Retaliation Alex and Henry, now dating, attend another state dinner, where they're unexpectedly seated directly next to each other.

21st - Every Version Alex does a magazine photoshoot, and the day that the magazine arrives, he wants Henry to look at it first.

23rd - On my heart just like a tattoo Alex and Henry are married, and on the day of the ceremony, they decide to do something special.

23rd - Ghosts After Henry leaves the lake house, Alex does not go after him. He doesn't storm Kensington in a fit of pique to call Henry an "obtuse fucking asshole." Instead, the pair spend nearly a year apart, both wrecked and miserable, until they find themselves on the list of speakers for an international conference.

27th - Darkest before the dawn The immediate aftermath of Henry discovering the email leak in the movie-verse.

28th - When I taste tequila Henry’s drunk. If the growing mountain of empty shot glasses, drained and discarded lime wedges, and gritty layer of salt on the table in front of him are any indication, he’s very drunk. Only, his brain is having a difficult time catching on to the fact that he’s drunk. And when his brain is this far behind the rest of him, Henry tends to find himself in precarious situations, with no real conscious thought as to how he got there or how he might have avoided them.

September

4th - The Maldives Inspired by a conversation about the zoomed-in and transcribed article about Henry in People Magazine from the movie and how the photos look like they could have been faked.

After their conversation with the king and greeting the crowd at Buckingham Palace, Alex and Henry ride back to Kensington. Alex mentions that his offer to fly to the Maldives is still valid, and Henry admits that he's never been, which sparks a discussion about some of the lengths the crown would go to in order to convince the world that Henry was straight. Alex considers what Henry must have gone through, and the two of them discuss their past and how it might have been different.

11th - Modification to the map of you Henry comes back from a month-long trip with his ear pierced, and Alex has no idea.

14th - Et Max Laryngitis Alex gets laryngitis, and Henry decides to have a bit of fun at his expense.

23rd - How bizarro is that Alex gets food poisoning, and Henry takes care of him…sort of.

27th - Royal Assent “If the boyfriend of a prince of England fails English Legal History, you’ll be the one to blame,” Alex murmurs as Henry sucks a bruise on his neck. Henry had arrived home from the shelter to find Alex buried under a mountain of books, his glasses askew and his hair wild, wearing the same bewildered expression Henry had seen as he walked out the door earlier that morning.

As he climbs into Alex’s lap, jumping a little as a particularly sharp corner of a hardcover book pokes him in the arse, he can feel the tension in Alex’s shoulders relax, ever so slightly.

“You aren’t going to fail. In fact, I’m going to help you,” Henry says, each word separated by a kiss to Alex’s chest, neck, cheek, and finally lips.

Alex is trying really hard to study for a law school exam, and Henry takes it upon himself to...assist.

28th - 5 Times Henry Hated New Year's + 1 Time He Didn't “This is my curse,” Henry mutters, and Pez laughs across from him.

“You can hardly be responsible for the weather.”

“So the glaring fact that every single New Year’s Eve on record in my life has been an utter disaster means absolutely nothing to you?”

“We’re going to make it, so no, it means nothing to me,” Pez says with cheerful optimism despite the constant fluttering of white beyond the plane windows.

5 times throughout his life that Henry's New Year's countdown has been ruined, and 1 time that it isn't.

29th - Stars in the sky are the stars in my eyes The ding of a notification sounds in the otherwise silent living room. As Henry’s eyes continue to scan the page of his book, ignoring his phone, Alex can’t help but glance down at the illuminated screen between them on the couch.

“Is that…a horoscope?” Alex asks, immediately retrieving the phone to confirm his suspicions at the exact moment Henry grabs for it a beat too late. He watches the bright shade of red crawl up Henry’s neck to burn just beneath the skin of his ears.

“Perhaps,” is all he supplies, his voice muffled as he buries his face far too close to the book’s pages to realistically read anything written there.

***

Henry gets his daily horoscope, and Alex is intrigued, so Henry shows him the constellations.

30th - What started in beautiful rooms Henry’s never taken any extra care in his appearance when playing polo. Certainly, he’s given an adequate amount of time and effort to ensure that he appears composed, but the sport itself lends to a bit of chaos, between the pounding of hooves and the whipping of the wind in a frantic rush. It’s all incredibly…well, wild.

No, Henry’s never taken any extra care in his appearance when playing polo…except today.

Henry's point of view during the charity polo match.

October

1st - Do we still have forever? Alex has a sudden, serious allergic reaction, and Henry can't help but think about losing him.

2nd - Dear Dad I should start from the beginning, or rather, I should start by telling you how I got here, to this moment, writing you this letter.

Henry writes a letter to his father on his wedding day.

3rd - Liquor was the only love I'd known June finds them at some point and steals Henry away to gab at the bar. Alex watches them from afar, wondering what they could possibly be talking about that has June nearly falling off her barstool laughing, until the crowd overtakes him again.

3rd - Then came a baby boy with long eyelashes Following their initial spirited entrance into Alex's hotel room following the DNC, Henry asks Alex about his encounter with Miguel in the bar.

13th - Volume Control Prompt Fulfillment: I need someone to write a FirstPrince fic where Henry overhears Alex saying "Henry is so annoying I can't stand him" so Henry says "kneel then" and it short circuits Alex's brain.

20th - 5 Times Alex Made a Disney Movie Reference + 1 Time Henry Did Alex and Henry have watched a significant amount of Disney movies, and well, Alex tends to have questions.

20th - You can't escape this drying ink “There’s…a matter…that requires your attention, in the Red Room. I’d be happy to escort you there.” She glances sideways at Henry’s PPOs, who shift in place, readying themselves to follow where she leads. Henry nods again, uncertain what other options lie open to him even if he wished to take one.

Henry's thoughts at the state dinner as Amy leads him to the Red Room.

31st - Save a horse Alex convinces Henry to dress up as cowboys for Halloween and quickly realizes that Henry dressed as a cowboy was not something he was entirely prepared for.

31st - I'm not a robot without emotions, I'm not what you see At the royal wedding, Alex drinks and dances and contemplates both of the princes.

November

1st - The Candy Tax Ten-year-old Alex has invited his new friend Henry, who just moved to Texas from England with his family so that his movie star dad can be based in the US to shoot more movies, over for a sleepover the night before Halloween.

1st - Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all The mountains are on fire. Red, orange, and yellow leaves cover thousands of acres of land, and the peeking of the sun over the distant horizon illuminates the hovering fog, creating the illusion of a persistent fire burning brightly without causing any damage. Instead, it paints a masterful landscape for an early morning riser to gaze at as he sips at a cup of Earl Grey and marvels at the fact that this beauty is a sight he has somehow been blessed to see.

2nd - Heart enough "...there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement."

Instead of Alex flying to London, Henry is sent to D.C. to do the post Cakegate damage control just in time for Alex and June's annual Halloween party.

2nd - Life is a maze, and love is a riddle Alex, June, and Nora take Henry to his first haunted corn maze.

3rd - All at once, everything is different, now that I see you Alex throws out some possible suggestions for his and Henry's first ever couples Halloween costume, but Henry has something else in mind.

3rd - Halloween at Kensington The Fox-Mountchristen-Windsors may not be able to go out trick-or-treating like a normal family, but they can still celebrate Halloween in their own special way.

4th - No fear, no fences, nobody - no reins Henry takes Alex to a nearby farm outside Austin to teach him how to ride a horse. Eventually, they stop at a log cabin in the words for the night, and they decide to try another form of riding.

4th - I don't know why all the trees change in the fall Alex has had a terrible day. It's raining, it's cold, and he's absolutely miserable. All he wants to do is dry off and collapse in bed. But when he walks through the door, Henry is ready and waiting to take care of him. He even has a surprise that he's cooking up in the kitchen. And Alex gets to take a trip down memory lane.

5th - A-gourd-able “Oh, so that’s the reason you wanted a child so badly. Not for the opportunity to nurture and guide and love another human being that you helped to create, but for the perks of walking around to strangers’ homes asking for candy that our baby can’t even eat.”

Alex and Henry take their daughter trick or treating for the first time, and it's Henry's first time as well.

5th - I want to play a game Alex and Henry agree to watch all of the Saw movies to determine if one or both of them will end up too scared to continue. Do they make it through the series? Or does one of them give in and lose the wager that they've made?

5th - Barbecue Sauce "I want to see your mouth covered in barbecue sauce. And then, I want to lick it off."

6th - With magic soakin' my spine, can you read my mind? What happened after Alex, June, and Nora played their little HRH Prince Henry Fact Sheet drinking game? Well, in this version of events, Alex finds a mysterious bottle containing what appears to be a magic spell for "Clarity of Mind." As dumb as it seems, he does the ritual and reads the incantation and moves on, flying to London for damage control. But when he shakes Henry's hand, suddenly things change, and Alex realizes that maybe magic is real after all.

6th - Don't need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo (podfic included) Henry takes Alex on a trip to visit...a couple of old feathered friends.

6th - It's autumn in New York; it's good to live it again It's the first day of fall in New York, and Alex comes home from class with a special surprise for Henry.

6th - Reciting to the Waterloo Vase: Drabbles for the RWRDrabblePrompts Tumblr

13th - Wind me up, fill your cup like a river, drunk on watching me drown Henry sighs. "Is that the time you threatened to push me into the Thames?"

That time Alex threatened to push Henry into the Thames.

23rd - The injury of finally knowing you (a birthday present for @ships-to-sail) Henry's thoughts just before and immediately after the countdown to midnight on New Year's Eve.

23rd - Smutsgiving 2023 Alex's heart rate monitor on his Apple Watch alerts him to some strenuous activity…at the worst possible time.

December

1st - We need a little Christmas The one where I let a random Christmas word generator choose a drabble prompt for a Christmas advent. Enjoy!

20th - Four Christmases From Washington to Austin, London to New York, Alex and Henry spend Christmas with different members of their families from 2020 - 2023. Funny couples' Christmas sweaters, festive swimsuits, statement-making ties, and family pajamas all bring lots of laughs, some tears, and a bit of fun to be had by all along the way.

25th - Oh what a laugh it would have been When Alex dresses as Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, their five-year-old daughter makes an extra special, last-minute Christmas wish.

AND

Alex leaves his Santa suit on for a private evening with Henry while everyone else is snug in their beds.

Unpublished but Completed

December 30th - Take Your Time A New Year's Eve AU set in New York City (and that's all I'm willing to give away...for now)

January 1st - NYE Gift Exchange Fic

Tagging all of my lovelies who may or may not have already done this (please ignore this if you have!): @adreamareads @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @daisymae-12 @duchessdepolignaca03 @gayrootvegetable @getmehighonmagic @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heybuddy-drabbles @indomitable-love @indestructibleheart @leaves-of-laurelin @leojfitz @littlemisskittentoes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @magicandarchery @ninzied @priincebutt @read-and-write- @rockyroadkylers @roseharpermaxwell @ships-to-sail @songliili @ssmtskw @statueinthestonetoo @stereopticons @suseagull04 @thinkof-england @tintagel-or-cockleshells @user-anakin @vanillahigh00 @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @whimsymanaged @wordsofhoneydew

#my fics #my writing #2023 writing roundup #2023 year in review #my posts #here's to filling the first 6 months of the year with fics in 2024

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sessayyys-corner · 5 months

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GOMBURZA (2023) - MMFF REVIEW

“Vivan Los Filipinos. Mabuhay ang mga Filipino.”

This film is the story of the three martyr priests. Three Filipinos who were part of the native community who were once under Spanish colonial rule and oppression. If you have been updated, or have been listening in your elementary Philippine history classes, it’s GOMBURZA, not MAJOHA.

Despite it being produced by Jesuit Communications, the film was able to execute (No pun intended) a factual depiction on a turning point of Philippine history without overused emphasis of religion. It was able to capture how the Catholic faith was used as an instrument of oppression during the Spanish colonial period (This was especially ironic considering how return of the religious orders, including the Jesuits, were the reason for the silencing of the secularization movement). What also impressed me is that almost every single detail in the movie, even in the dialogue, came from actual events in history. It is evident that enough research was made to make this film as accurate as possible.

The film’s cinematography was able to capture life during the period whether it was amongst the Filipino liberals, the Spanish priests, the Governor-Generals, or even the three main characters in our story. With every other scenes of the film shifting from light to dark atmospheres, this symbolized the reality of Spanish colonization — warmth, acceptance, and friendship amongst fellow Filipinos; and ruthlessness, inhumanity, and oppression from the Spaniards (and even traitors). Adding emphasis to GomBurZa’s (2023) cinematography is its sound design. Just by feeling the cinema floor rumbling and the deeply-voiced voiceover in the film’s ending segment, this film can come to a point where it deserves its own IMAX screening.

Dante Rivero and Cedrick Juan showcase over-the-top stellar performances as Padre Mariano Gomez (played by Rivero) and Padre Jose Burgos (played by Juan). Both actors have embodied their roles, not only due to the fact that they, especially Juan, share a slight resemblance with the real life Mariano Gomez and Jose Burgos. It is also because that they were able to portray their emotions from having a friendly conversation, to later condemning their unfair arrest, trial, and death.

Pepe Diokno's time and effort in conducting research and including every important detail in the production is evident in the whole film itself, as it was not only ACTUALLY based on true events, but was able to evoke emotion and outrage, just like how the Filipinos of the 1870s did at the time.

With all of this said, GomBurZa (2023) is not only a history lesson, but also an immersion into the Spanish colonial rule and the lives of the three priests. Being a history nerd and a cinephile who has since learned the names of the three martyr priests as a little girl in elementary, I can definitely say that this was one of the only film experiences where I had witnessed the breaking of the fourth wall. The whole time I was in the cinema, it felt like I was part of their conversation, like I was a witness to their lives and execution.

What also added to this experience was that I watched the film on Rizal Day, and what better way to commemorate our national hero's contribution to Philippine independence than to learn about where it all started? Like what I always preached to my family:

Without GomBurZa, there will be no Jose Rizal. Without Jose Rizal, there would be no Andres Bonifacio. Without all of them, the Philippines and the Filipino would not exist.

GomBurZa (2023) is a cathartic experience that is definitely for the family. This film is a testament to the importance of appreciating and learning our history. Hopefully it serves as a reminder of our collective past, national identity, and the importance of our freedom.

[Metro Manila Film Festival 2023]

(my film review of "GomBurZa" is also available on letterboxd!)

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kiwiana-writes · 6 months

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Fic Writing Review 2023

Tagged by my fellow stats nerd @stereopticons - thanks pal!

Words and Fics (fics written in 2023 only)

143,107 words published to ao3. At least 3,900 more guaranteed by the advent fic so... I think I should make a concentrated effort to break 150k, right? 👀

No good way of tracking unpublished words in WIPs written this year. My goal for 2024 is to set up my spreadsheet to track words written as well as published so watch this space.

3 published fandoms: Red White & Royal Blue (book), Schitt's Creek, The Last Of Us (TV show). Technically 1 unpublished fandom in Red White & Royal Blue (film) 😅

Most recent drop: Apart from the daily advent fic drops lilnked above, a PWP interlude in the hockey boyfriend Henry 'verse

Longest (published) fic: By a country fuckin' mile, With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest), aka the Much Ado actor AU, at 65,586 words.

Longest (published) oneshot: Kinda think that I might be his type (Alex and Bea fake date) at 12,864 words

Top Fics by Kudos (fics written in 2023 only)

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest) [RWRB, Alex/Henry, rated E, 65,586 words]

Kinda think that I might be his type [RWRB, Alex & Bea + Alex/Henry, rated E, 12,864 words]

We were supposed to find this [RWRB, Alex/Henry, rated M, 3,384 words]

Puck It [RWRB, Alex/Henry, rated E, 9,739 words]

Feel your hands in my hair and you whisper my name [RWRB, Alex/Henry, rated E, 2,508 words]

Miscellaneous Data From My Unhinged Spreadsheet about 2023 fics

To no one's surprise, highest percentage of private bookmarks goes to Bukkake Breaky Heart.

Out of 24 fics published in 2023, 14 were explicit, 2 were mature, 7 were teen and up, and 1 was general audiences

3 fics didn't have a title sourced from anywhere. 3 were sourced from literature/poetry, 3 were puns, and the remaining 15 were song lyrics, with 3 each from Taylor Swift and Matt Nathanson.

My highest kudos/hits ratio was on Empty your heart of its mortal dream, aka the Fae Prince Henry fic.

My fandom fic events in 2023

Nilch nada zip in terms of, like, fests. I wanted to do Threesgiving but the words wouldn't come, so a sort-of-threesome-sort-of-foursome will probably appear on some random day in fucking February or something lmao. However while they weren't fandom-specific events, I did do:

Kinktober 2023

Advent 2023

Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024

I have a lot -- a lot a lot a LOT -- of WIPs that will be completed in 2024, so please don't think of this as an exhaustive list, but they are the ones I'm most excited for:

A Practical Arrangement - @clottedcreamfudge has Devised A Punishment if I don't get chapter two out for y'all by Christmas because my usual methods of pushing past my brain bullshit weren't working, so technically this is a 2023 project 🤣 @ships-to-sail and @celeritas2997 have the carrot and CCF has the stick.

Anastasia AU!!! I LOVE this fic and I think it's in the 'meaty one-shot' range buuuuuut we'll see. It might get a little out of control.

Angstapalooza RWRB edition - this is gonna be another long fic, 10-11 chapters, 50k words ish, and I cannot WAIT to make y'all cry sink my teeth into it. My Schitt's Creeks babes know what happens when I deem something 'angstapalooza' lmao.

Hockey Boyfriend Henry part 3, aka the whole reason I started writing the fucking series in the first place lmao

Leverage AU, which I haven't shared anything of yet because it's a post-angstapalooza longfic but I am VERY HYPE FOR.

Rafael Is Surrounded By Disaster Queers, aka the Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead-style Rafael POV... 5+1? Vignettes? set in the Much Ado actor AU verse. Which at this point is just a gift for @inexplicablymine and @cricketnationrise and I wouldn't have it any other way.

STFAU 👀

*infomercial voice* And much, much more!

BUT, 2024 is also for taking original writing seriously. Maybe flash/microfiction on patreon, definitely diving into an original novel. I've thrown in the towel with my contracting agency in the new year and everything. Ack.

Tagging anyone I've tagged above and also @anincompletelist @cha-melodius @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @indestructibleheart @myheartalivewrites and anyone who wants to play because I love data.

#kiwiana-writes #fic writing review 2023

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skysometric · 5 months

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my 2nd favorite game that i played in 2023 is...

In Stars and Time

i'm not much one for rpgs. i love their deep and complex stories! but i often find when playing them that the fights are either overwhelmingly complex, or too much of a grindy slog. it takes a very special kind of rpg to catch my attention, and In Stars and Time was one of them.

the core concept of the game is that you're stuck in a time loop at the final dungeon of a greater adventure. my first thought was that, surely, having to replay the same few sections of the dungeon, fight the same few enemies, would exacerbate my usual rpg exhaustion. paradoxically, this did not turn out to be the case; the time loop has checkpoints that allow you to rewind further back and then skip forward to where you were, using your number of defeated enemies as a resource. this alone was a godsend and allowed me to skip around as much as i needed to without any of the adventure getting stale.

the rpg system itself is dead simple. there's no mana or MP to keep track of; special attacks simply need to recharge over X amount of turns. the three elements are rock, paper, and scissors – that's not even an allegory, they are literally rock / paper / scissors. each character specializes in using certain types effectively, and if you can use the same type of attack 5 times in a row as a party, it activates a party super that both heals and deals tons of damage. it's an incredibly fun and deep system for how simple it is to keep track of, especially as your party members grow and learn new moves!

all of these smartly designed systems helped to ease my usual rpg hangups and get into the story… and Oh My God. The Story.

i will not spoil a goddamn thing. but i will tell you what i most loved: the characters, and the setting.

once in a while i'll see a writing-advice post going around tumblr that says to think of the little details when you're writing a larger story. what religions does your world have? what other countries are there, and how do they get along? how are the people in your world reacting to the major story beats? how does your main cast get along? how do they get on each others' nerves? what's the cringiest trait each one of them has? do they keep secrets? what are their memories of growing up? it's clear that the author took this direction to heart, creating a rich setting full of life and history!

and this is exactly where the timeloop concept SHINES. each loop you get to try something different, explore other options, to see how your party and the world around you react differently. if you check that bookcase you missed before, it has a whole conversation about life in one of the other countries. if you try the mean dialog option (perish the thought), you learn about a character's trauma in more detail. sometimes even the same actions have something new when you do them a second time… a third time… a fourth time. each loop enriches the characters and their history, deepens their humanity.

and then you begin to wonder. what else are you curious about… and how do you find the answers? how can you help your party members with their problems? what do the people outside of your party think of you? why DOES the main character hate croissants? it's a depth first dive into this wonderful world and its inhabitants; each new thread you dig up is rewarding in its own way.

long story short, i took a risk on this game, and i'm SO happy i did. if you play games for the story, In Stars and Time is your sleeper hit for 2023. jump on this!

#top 5 games 2023 #in stars and time #isat #review #gaming #writing #2023 year in review

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hoodie-buck · 5 months

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✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

thanks for the tags beloveds @wikiangela @monsterrae1 @hippolotamus @honestlydarkprincess @thewolvesof1998 @steadfastsaturnsrings @spotsandsocks @daffi-990 @buddierights (sorry if i forgot anyone, i was waiting to do this till i was finished with writing this year!)

Words and fics

Words: 365,415

More recent drop: drawstrings

Longest fic: if i lay here, would you lie with me (forget the world) at 90.4k words

Top fics by kudos:

if i lay here, would you lie with me (forget the world) (my baby has over 2k kudos now, brb sobbing 😭)

caught up in a blue haze

the ducking of evan buckley

he hits my heart like a homerun

in your shirt, half asleep (wishing i still had you)

My fandom fics events in 2023:

i did heart beats so loud that it's drowning me out for @ronordmann reverse prompt challenge. and i started a bthb card if that counts!

Upcoming events and projects for 2024:

i tried to stay away from events this year, so i'll probably do the same next year. i think i do better when i can write more freely and do things at my own pace! i only have one wip i'm taking into the new year, which i'm gonna try and finish before starting anything new 🤞🏼 other than that i'm gonna be diving into more thiam so expect a mix of both this next year 🩵

tagging (idk who’s done this so sorry if you’ve already been tagged!) @loserdiaz @redlightsandicedtea @honestlydarkprincess @onward--upward @justsmilestuffhappens @barbiediaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @elvensorceress @jacksadventuresinwriting @wh0re-behavi0r @spaceprincessem @disasterbuckdiaz @wildlife4life @watchyourbuck

#buddie #buddie fic #tag games #eddie diaz #evan 'buck' buckley #911 #fic writing review 2023

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wikiangela · 6 months

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✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

Words and Fics

192,761 words published to ao3

2 fandoms (911 and MCU - mcu was like one fic tho lol)

Most recent drop: I wanna spend my forever like that (911, 8.6k, G)

Longest fic: For a holiday (and forevermore) (911, 95k, M)

Top Fics by Kudos

For a holiday (and forevermore) (95k, M)

I can't love you any more (than I do now) (2.6k, G)

I'd marry you with paper rings (3.4k, G)

me, you, our kid and a dog (4.7k, G)

me and you only equals love (6.6k, E)

My fandom fic events in 2023

I don't think I took part in any this year :( maybe next year haha

Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024

well, right now I'm working on a few wips im hoping to get done in the next few weeks/months (depending on time and inspiration lol):

the alive shannon fic - this is my main focus and i hope to maybe finish it sometime next year but who knows hah (I barely started, it's gonna be a while)

buddie coffee shop au - ive been working on this for so long and it's lowkey on hold now but istg i'll finish this

buddie cheating fic

the natalia fic

married buddie smut

another smut I haven't mentioned yet but it's waiting until i finish married buddie smut

bi eddie fic

and probably some more oneshots lol

but tbh, we'll see where the next year takes me, I can't plan too much bc it never works out haha

rules & tags below the cut

tagged by @exhuastedpigeon @underwater-ninja-13 @hippolotamus @jesuisici33 @jamespearce9-1-1 @theotherbuckley @steadfastsaturnsrings @rainbow-nerdss <333

no pressure tagging: @malewifediaz @thewolvesof1998 @eddiebabygirldiaz @honestlydarkprincess @spotsandsocks @loserdiaz @lover-of-mine @disasterbuckdiaz @monsterrae1 @jeeyuns @housewifebuck @giddyupbuck @hoodie-buck @spagheddiediaz @daffi-990 and whoever else wants to <3

#tbf mcu was one fic from january lmao - after that 911 wholly consumed me haha #this year was basically exclusively buddie #i've been writing buddie since march 2021 but october 2022 they *really* took over and i can't write anything else haha #fic writing review 2023 #my fics #wikiangela writes #buddie fics #buddie #tag games

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giddlygoat · 7 months

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i watched The Creator with my family yesterday at the cinema. it’s a fantastic sci-fi movie about a future with advanced AI robots that are indistinguishable from humans. the story was done well and i was way more satisfied with it than i anticipated, and i highly recommend it.

but what i REALLY love more than anything is how they portrayed the robots as part of human society. some of them were androids with hyper realistic human bodies, but many of them were straight up Robots. and they acted and spoke just like the androids, sometimes with more robotic voices, but all very human and unique. most of them wore clothes and expressed themselves just like a human would. AAAA it was just so refreshing!!

robot lovers, i implore you to give this movie a watch. it’s a war movie so it can be very intense but it’s not gory and they do a lot of cutaways from the up close violence. the characters are easy to care about and the pacing isn’t bad either. very memorable overall. and it’s super emotionally driven, like i cried 4 times lmao.

just look at these. the variety is refreshing, and visually the movie is very well meshed, believable and lived in. personally it’s my favorite robot movie since finch [although i still personally prefer that movie because of the narrow plot focus and smaller scale].

one of the scenes i adore from this movie is a scene where one of the humanoid robots gets shot, and because their system is all messed up after that, their voice glitches out and they sound all corrupted while still sounding terribly like a human in pain. it’s done very well.

there’s also plenty of wonderful sound design in little details like soft whirs of robot joints. the humanoid androids still sound like robots, and in quiet scenes you can really hear the mechanic clicks and whirs that make it more believable. it’s not distracting, but rather stupid easy to accept. it would just sound plain wrong without it. great stuff!!

#gear diary #the creator 2023 #no id #i don’t write reviews often but i needed to explode autistically about the design of this movie #visually the aesthetic was SO nice too #lots of vintage influence that gave it an issac asimov feel but still futuristic and sleek enough to feel modern #aaaaa it was great

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ghostoffuturespast · 5 months

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Works In Progress 2023: A Cyberpunk 2077 Year In Review

I thought for a hot minute about doing one of those snazzy templates that’s been going around, but editing photos just ain’t my MO and rather than going by month I picked 12 favs that I’ve posted in 2023. Some of them were popular, some of them weren't. Overall, I think I did pretty good for just doing vanilla photomode on console.

You might be wondering why there's a picture of a sticky note. I don't remember when I started doing this, and I'm horribly inconsistent as you can see by the dates, but I'll jot down my word count for my wip chapter and then jot it down again when I remember to later.

I write slow. A lot of times I sit down to write and it feels like the wheels are spinning in place. My minutes and hours don't stretch very far, typically don't add up to much. But days, weeks, months. That's when I can at least measure the progress.

Fic: So It Goes 40/44 - 438,946 words

My V x River Ward and tinfoil hat conspiracy theory long fic. I've spent way more hours on this then I have on any of my VP.

I got tagged by @just-a-cybercroissant @therealnightcity and @wanderingaldecaldo to do some WIP Whenevers. I post my VP pretty regularly, so it’s always seemed silly to do work in progress posts for them, and I don’t know when I’ll have any new writing to share since in between work and the holidays, I haven’t had much time to sit down with anything since my last chapter update. And I've been feeling very... stingy, lately. Especially when it comes to mine and other people's writing. So take this WIP/Year In Review as my offering. Both these series, as am I, are all very much still works in progress.

I confined my reflections for this year below the cut. If you don’t want to read my long-ass essays, you can admire the pictures, maybe check out my fic, or just move along and have yourself a lovely day.

We’ll start with the easy one.

After at least a year of multiple playthroughs (I’ve played all the lifepaths, done all the endings), it only occurred to me at the beginning of this year to start taking VP. Part of the reason I never did before was because I didn’t realize it was a thing and then by the time I did, I figured I didn’t have much to offer. I play on PS5 and only have access to vanilla photomode, so seeing everyone else’s high-fidelity, ultra ray-tracing, modded, posed, full on virtual photo shoot photos, I was like there’s no way. (Not that I’m hating on PC modders, it’s just not everyone has access to mods or a PC capable of running the game, and I’m all for making art and creative endeavors accessible.) On top of that, all I’d ever heard from most other folks was how much vanilla photomode sucked. In the glamorous world of VP, I didn’t think there was any room for me.

But I started snapping pics anyway. And sure, there are a lot of limitations with vanilla photomode. But what that really translates to is opportunities to get creative. I am also a hoe for subverting people’s expectations, and very much believe when there’s a will, there’s a way.

Environmental and landscape shots were my first subjects before I started branching out into portraits and then capturing story moments. Through VP I found an entirely new way to enjoy a game that I’d already played a ridiculous number of times along with also finally being brave enough to share my V with other people too. I’d always worried about that before, if people would like her. Granted, I know Grandpa’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but whether you like her or not, I certainly think she’s made a name for herself over the past few months. Even if most people haven’t really gotten to know her the way I’d hoped.

I’ve taken hundreds of photos this past year. Most of which I’ll never share. There’s a lot of flops, a lot of weird experiments, ones that didn’t quite turn out the way I’d hoped, but I’ve learned something from every single one of them. I know how to spot good lighting, frame shots to create optical illusions, get a very limited toolkit to work in my favor, parkoured on all of the things, and heck, I even figured out how to make Grandpa smooch other NPCs. I’ve done atmospheric, mundane, down right goofy, as well as things that most people probably thought weren’t fucking possible.

I can’t say how long I’ll keep doing this, I’m sure I’ll move on at some point, but for now I’m still enjoying myself. There's a lot to explore in this game and I just can’t stop digging Night City.

Now, for the more complicated thing.

Writing

So It Goes… My peace, my war, my greedy and most ravenous of ghosts.

I’m operating under the assumption that most people following me here probably haven't read my fic or aren’t all that interested in reading it to begin with. It’s fine. But you need to understand this fic, my writing, is the main thing that brought me here. This is also Grandpa V’s story. Most of you have met her, but unless you've been reading, most of you do not know her.

I wrote around 185,000 words and posted 10 chapters this year. 2022 was about 253,000 words and 30 chapters, along with several unrelated one shots. However, I don’t think I’ve done a single chapter this year that was less then 10k, and my longest managed to hit 27k. As of the last update I posted, the fic is currently sitting at around 439k words, 40 chapters, and still isn’t done.

I have four more chapters to write. I have written a metric shit ton of words. This is, by far, the longest and most intense creative project I’ve ever endeavored to complete.

When I started writing, I was expecting this fic to be around 100-150k. That seemed to be the average for most long fics. I did not plan on being an outlier. I'm not sure you can ever really plan for that, but I guess I enjoy subverting my own expectations too.

For those of you who are reading my fic, it is my sincerest hope that it shatters every expectation of where you think it’s going. It’s not a joke that I tagged my fic “#an ode to my tinfoil hat”. An ode it has turned out to be. I’ve been sitting on this theory for two years. I have told no one about it. I hope it sticks the landing and hits the way I want it to. I don't know if it will. But fuck, I just want to be done with it so I can move on with my life, take a break, and give myself the opportunity to make and focus on other things before I have to get back on the damn horse.

I wrote less this past year then I did in 2022. I had a lot of life changes, most of which were good, but with times of change come times of adjustment. Along with some realizations that maybe you don’t understand as much as you thought you did. Looking back, I’ve been in a state of unsettled, kuzushi, for a really long time. Which is not a good place to be. It’s how your ass ends up on the ground with a knee knocking out all your teeth. I thought I knew better. Thought I had enough practice to get away from it. But bad habits have good memories.

I think given the circumstances, I accomplished a lot with my writing this year. I don’t know if my writing is exactly where I want it to be. I doubt it every will be, but it’s evolved, grown, and I wrote a pretty hefty stack of words considering I started working full-time again, bought a house with my partner, moved, and have been dealing with the millions of other beans that life tends to throw one’s way. That being said, and for full disclosure, I’ve also been dealing with some of the worst cases of jealousy and envy I’ve had since I was a teenager.

Frankly, it sucks. They walk with me every fucking where I go, hold my hands to whisper back all my doubts. Try to persuade me to my baser instincts, to be cruel and lash out. But that's not aikido. Luckily, I’m not 16 anymore so it’s at least been easier for me to identify the problem. Though I’m still coming up short in terms of actually being able to do anything about it, and will be for at least a few months more.

Yeah, I keep talking about it because I don’t know how many people know that I've been feeling this way. And I’m tired of not talking about it in a room full of creatives, because yeah, I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. And not talking about it just makes all that pent up resentment worse for everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. But with the way I work and think, it’s a slow, tedious, and incredibly time-consuming art. With how much my fic has snowballed over the course of writing, it’s left very little room for the other hobbies in my life. And as my fellow writers probably already know, writing is an incredibly insular craft. And unlike a picture or an image, which only requires a glance, reading a bunch of words requires time and commitment.

So, when you put yourself out there and share what you wrote, it’s a lonely feeling not knowing whether or not anyone connected with what you put on the page. Especially, when the people who do read aren’t compelled to voice anything and when the people you’d hope would read don’t. And then you're stuck in the dark, not knowing, because neither of us says a goddamn thing.

I started writing this fic prior to actually joining the CP2077 fandom. And I joined the fandom because I felt alone. I’ve been here a while now, albeit in a few different places, and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. I’m still trying to find camaraderie with my fellow writers and carve out something that kinda sort of resembles a home or a sense of community. I watch my peers around me as they seem to build that with each other, except me.

I’m envious of the things that people make and jealous of the relationships those have created and fostered between said people, because for the life of me, it’s been a struggle to cultivate that since I got here. I know it’s selfish, but I also don’t know what about me makes people so hesitant. There have been a handful of strangers that have shown up for me regularly, but as far as people I call friends in this fandom that have shown up and actually stuck around, I can only name one right now. (I know we're all busy. And I acknowledge my writing's not for everyone. I know maybe some of you are quiet, or shy, or probably a thousand other things. I get it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. People will never know unless you say. Never know unless you take the time to interact or engage. Be brave. And that's true for a lot of things.)

The propensity is for the negative to outweigh the positive. I've got a lot of numbers on my fic, so you would think things would be fine, but at this point they just feel empty. They don't bring me any comfort or real satisfaction. And I hate feeling like the people I know don’t care and that most of you are just talking around me. That I’m some kind of annoyance not fit to interact with. Which may or may not be the case. I don’t know. Again, most of you have never said anything. And maybe I need to accept the fact that most of you never will.

But this is me trying to start conversation.

It’s really shitty, knowing that the thing I want the most is also the thing holding me back. I know how to work on it too, not that it’s any guarantee. The problem is I’m still writing and in a needy state of greed. And because I’m slow, I don’t have the time or the energy to be generous. I can only take right now. I can’t give.

Relationships require both.

I can’t bring myself to read other people’s writing. I can’t comment, or like, or share if I haven’t read anything. I'm desperate for conversation, but I also don't have the time or assurance to facilitate it with other people right now. And for some reason people never seem to want to talk to me, especially when it comes to writing. I want to be part of conversations, talk deeply with other people. But I can’t speak right now, I'm not in a place to offer generosity without someone first giving it to me.

And generosity and grace is what we all need.

Four more chapters and I hope my ghosts will finally let me read in peace.

#cyberpunk 2077 #2023 year in review #year in review #virtual photography #writing #from the top #fic: so it goes #long post #i can't guarantee a safe space but i can guarantee a brave space #if anyone's been feeling similarly and wants to talk about it my dms are open #the door's always open

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