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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

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12:16 am pt 31 may 2023 Wednesday

After I saw Scott wrote on his Facebook that I’m a whore, in that moment in I think July 2010, I decided I was going to be celibate until I found the right man. I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t a whore. Words can be empty and meaningless when they’re lies. I really didn’t want to be a whore. 12:19 am pt but now that I’m falling apart, I wish now that I was! Even more!!!!! 12:20 am pt

12:21 am pt my aunt who had a baby at age 42? She said she was a virgin until she got married. She even said in 2015 that she wish she wasn’t a virgin. 12:22 am pt mayb being a virgin runs in the family? My mom’s first pregnancy resulted from being black out drunk. And she was always working up until that party, her whole life. She said she usually got in trouble with her mom if she ever tried to sneak out to have fun. She always had that bad luck, but all her siblings got to sneak out and not get caught. 12:24 am pt

12:25 am pt except I got the Saint Lucia/Mickey mouse toy curse.

12:44 am pt incubus miñions are my neighbors. They’re making the place shake a lot more louder than me. It sounds like maybe they’re jumping. Angryly. Destruction of buildings seems to be in their job descriptions. 12:46 am pt

12:47 am pt a lot of women stay in abusive relationships Bcz incubus makes them stupid enough to stay. And then they die. 12:48 am pt I was stupid to see Scott again in 2007, and 2010.

12:49 am pt incubus miñion warned me all men are heinous. All including Scott Cano? I guess????? & unfortunately I guess incubus then, too. 12:50 am pt it’s unfortunate that he thought it was ok to pretend he was my husband and then burn me almost to death many times to say NOT! I probably am nearly dead inside. 😞😤🥵😖😭 at least I tried to like whoever I was with. It wasn’t a joke I was playing on anyone. But he didn’t want to understand or see it that way. It seems now. 12:54 am pt

12:55 am pt oh I’m making that assumption Bcz I found Hanes men underwear 🩲 in my room. 12:56 am pt

1:26 am pt I’m thinking now maybe 🤔 he did understand but he was going to pretend he doesn’t understand Bcz he doesn’t like me and he wants me dead ☠️. 1:27 am pt

This has gone way too far. I think the world 🌎 will never change. And if men really like to rape 11 year olds then why and how would it stop 🛑 if that’s who they naturally are? 1:29 am pt me, I can argue that a lot of unnatural things were done to me. So unnatural results occurred. 1:29 am pt

2:40 am pt anatomy I think 💭 has to do with the shapes of structures like bones 🦴 and organs? Physiology I think 💭 has to do with function of those structures. If woman cannot rape man Bcz she “can’t make love to a bush” an unerect p*nis, then rape is inherently a man/male only trait. Kissing and touching leads to s*x, so a predatory male who wants to have s*x is more probable to initiate those actions to get to the s*x/rape. 2:44 am pt

2:48 am pt therefore desires/hormones would have to be traced back to the source donor. To really eradicate the problem. 2:49 am pt therefore truly a man would have to pay the price. 2:49 am pt

3 am pt I have been seeing headlines of weird cases online.

4:27 am pt when an incubus touches a woman 👩🏼 in an intimate way, don’t be fooled. They only want you to not arrest them for their s*x crimes. 4:28 am pt they want you to stay quiet 🤐.

4:29 am pt when an incubus tells you he loves you, it’s a lie. He might as well be holding up a mirror 🪞 and telling it to himself. He will only love 💕 himself. 4:30 🕟 am pt

4:39 am pt I feel pain in my throat that is probably a hole 🕳 from being eaten by acid repeatedly. The incubus/miñion, when I had my eyes closed, put his or her mouth 👄 on my neck under chin area and closed their mouth 👄 sliding it shut. So it felt intimate. And they’ve been doing this to me forget how long probably at least a whole month. So, if they do that to you, beware. It’s not a good sign 🪧. They all lie about love 💕. Like David Scott cano, and they are “bros.” Guilty by association. Birds of a feather flock together. 4:42 am pt “Brendan” wanted to buy me airplane tickets 🎫 when I was 16 years old to see him to have s*x with him, back in 2001. So Bcz they’re “bros”, best friends, we have to suspect cano does the same thing. In 2010 after I saw Scott again, I got a phone call ☎️ from a private number. She said she was a friend of a friend of a friend etc of scott. She told me a friend of his also did that sudden no condom s*x thing, cat hair thing?, to someone. She seemed to be telling me Bcz it seemed to be trending among his friends. Sometime we see in movies guys try to do bets. They try to out do the other. 4:47 pmpt 4:48 pm pt. I’m guessing this person heard me getting upset at Scott when I complained about taking plan b. 4:48 am pt

4:53 am pt this thing is never going to be over. I can tell. Bcz I’m dying 😵. 4:56 am pt I realized this now, that neighborhood is very quiet. I don’t recall hearing anyone around. Probably could hear a pin drop from the other side of the street. The only thing Scott complained about were the sound of birds in the morning. 4:57 am pt

5:19 am pt incubus protects other rapists. And he likes to kill women he had s-*x with. So, it makes sense that he would mess with a woman 👩🏼 zombify her to make her do things that she wouldn’t normally do but is characteristic of .... 5:21 am pt

5:22 am pt Scott had a friend named Marisa. She seemed to have a crush on him and they knew each other probably since high school 🏫. He seemed to start messing with her after he stopped seeing me, and b4 Courtney. I’m not sure but I think 💭 he was using her for something and wasn’t genuine when he started hanging out with her. I had took her shopping at a little grocery store 🏬. She probably showed him which store 🏬. She wrote on Facebook “hanging out with a brother from another mother.” And she posted a picture of herself blushing 😊. I read online blushing is a sign 🪧 a girl likes you. It was probably for Scott. Then on his wall after he seemed to pull away from her she wrote Scott likes boobies. It was basically a tactic to try to get attention. About a year later she got a new boyfriend and wrote she was so thankful she found someone who didn’t have something wrong with him. I think 💭 he hurt Marisa. And set her up for disappointment. 5:27 am pt

5:52 am pt guys like an easy loose girl for themselves but not for anyone else. 5:53 am pt

I5:55 am pt Scott probably touched Marisa’s boobs. A guess. 5:56 am pt

11:09 am pt the incubus is willing to hurt me this much for things he tricked me into doing. He is willing to change (lie) about the past (autocorrect acid 11:11 hot acid? Butt pain). Example: my drawings. Pictures of my face.to show me that he doesn’t care or he doesn’t want people to know that he told Nick v/b I was a whore and he probably used me. And probably use it psychologically to break me down by losing the opportunity to date someone I started liking too late. I think 💭 Adam Noah Levine is dishonest and dishonorable. I think 💭 he’s embracing who he really is when he tortures and kills me and hides truth from me. 11:17 am pt

3:57 pmpt I think 💭 i figured it out: when a man 👨 asks to have s*x with you, and he hasn’t said: I love 💕 you be my girlfriend/wife - it probably means he has already decided you aren’t the one ☝️ for him to marry, he’s going to stop 🛑 seeing you soon 🔜, and he’s going to try to get whatever he can from you (acid mouth 👄 pain 4 pm) for instant gratification to hold him off? Until the next interested girl shows up 🆙. He already decided you’re a whore. 4:01 pmpt

4:02 pmpt stop 🛑 trying to like him to see if he could potentially be your husband. It’s the end. Either you enjoy the s*x and acknowledge to yourself this is the end reallly of dating this guy, or you go back home ��. Know that this is highly probably the case. I formerly heard if a guy really likes you he’s careful about how far he goes with how soon 🔜 like Heath ledger in 10 things I hate about you. 4:05 pmpt

6:52 pmpt I didn’t touch the skin of children. They tend to touch anything and sometimes they are covered in snot and anything germy 🦠. Even at work when the eczema got bad on my hands 🙌 I wore gloves 🧤. The skin of my hands 🙌 got very dry easily Bcz I washed my hands a lot. I was ocd about it sometimes especially if I had to fold laundry 🧺. Maybe other things too like when preparing food 🍲. Ever since high school 🏫 probably senior year it was especially troublesome. It started out like that in elementary school 🏫 when the eczema started when I was 8 years old. I had an episode of washing my hands 🙌 a lot Bcz it was already dry and I had the misconception that washing it would rehydrate it/moisturize it. A momentary misconception. 6:58 pmpt

7:03 pmpt I was prescribed medication for my eczema every year since I was 8 years old for my eczema. My first boyfriend was very clean 🧼 and conscientious probably about hygiene 🪥 with the exception of his pillow for some reason (I complained about it). But that’s the only thing I probably ever complained about. He was half Asian and wanted to be Japanese I guess even though he wasn’t. He liked anime and took Japanese language classes and karate 🥋 and a holistic medicine class. He was allergic to cats 🐈 but they had a cat 🐱. But she could never come into his room. 7:08 pmpt

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gentrychild · 4 years

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BNHA chapter 290 reactions

Oh boy, just when I was saying that such a long arc was eroding my ability to hype myself...

Oh boy... I guess we finally got the answer to “Was that message for Rei or for the whole country?” and the answer is both. Dabi sent a direct message to his mom and we don’t know what he told her.

And since we have a big close-up on the flower “Enji” gave Rei without leaving a message, I am now wondering if it wasn’t a gift from Dabi.

Ah, the Todoroki pose of “I have no idea of what to feel.”

Also, I think we now have the confirmation that Dabi is a theater kid.

Okay, so first, it’s nice to have the confirmation that Izuku did make some damages.

What’s less nice is knowing that AFO can control Tomura to this extent. By accepting to become a guinea pig, he became AFO’s puppet and I am not sure of how long it will take before AFO erodes his will and takes full control of him.

Horikoshi, think of the fanfic writers. When you show cool attacks, explain stuff about them, please. Because of you, I will have to spend an hour trying to analyze three panels.

Oh, that’s a meme waiting to happen.

Endeavor when Nejire and Shouto fight Shigaraki: “RUN! HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU! RUN!”

Endeavor when Midoriya was fighting Shigaraki: “Welp, this might as well happen.”

I don’t know what’s the more terrifying, Gigantomachia channeling the Rogue Titan or AFO having fun with Forced Quirk Activation. Okay, probably the later.

There should really be a limit to how long those tentacles can get, thank you very much.

Bakugou is awake and if I was him, I would go straight back to sleep but no, not him.

Does... Does he still have a quirk, though? I would like to see some sparks flying. Just to be sure.

However, he is right in the sense that they need to kill Shigaraki now. If he manages to escape, they will have lost everything. That would mean that another cataclysm can happen at any time and society will collapse. I am not talking about the hero society. I am talking full Dawn of Quirks mess.

I do not want to witness what so many people with uncontrollable powers can do when they are scared.

I am going to believe that Machia assumes that the second “Master’s scent” also comes from Shigaraki because with all the smoke in the air, he didn’t notice Izuku and his multiple quirks who are right there.

Also, Izuku wasn’t using cough... all for one... cough several quirks when Gigantomachia arrived, don’t think I didn’t notice it.

I was robbed from my Little Lord moment!

Shigaraki, every bones of his broken and the only reason why he remained standing so long is probably because AFO was manipulating his strings: “Oh, do tell me about your problems. It’s not like I can go anywhere after I was INCINERATED THEN BEATEN HALF TO DEATH BY THE INCARNATION OF FERALNESS. But please, tell me how hard it was for you.”

The small green child with broken bones isn’t named Shouto, Endeavor.

More seriously, you see Endeavor’s hand on Midoriya’s back? He isn’t checking that he is alright, he is actually holding him back because he is scared he is going to yeet himself again at the villains and try to finish the job.

That’s why you never make promises on live television. Too many witnesses that will call you out later.

Shouto is so fucking done at this point. He just survived a decaying wave, he showed up only to see all the heroes and his friends half dead, he almost got slapped by Gigantomachia, this is NOT the day to keep messing with him, and here is this asshole, all happy during the worst time of Shouto’s life.

As for Dabi... This man is hilarious. Look at how happy he is. His audience is here, too weakened to kick his ass, and now is the time.

Also, you see the bottle he is shaking? That was in the pouch he has been wearing since his first appearance. He was ready from Day 1.

Now, the riddle for the ages, the thing that interests me far more than what happens one panel later: what the hell is this and how did it bleach his hair so fast?

What am I hearing? Oh yes, the sound of ALL THE DABI IS A TODOROKI BEING VALIDATED RIGHT NOW. CONGRATULATIONS, FUNKY LITTLE CONSPIRACY THEORISTS. MAY KNOWING THAT YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG MAKE YOU LIVE LONGER.

Whatever you’re thinking about Dabi, you have to admit that he knows how to use a narrative. He has been sitting on this for years, waiting for the right time to do the most damage, and here he is.

Let’s all appreciate this rare moment where Shouto and Enji have the same face of “What the hell is going on?”

But more importantly, let’s all appreciate Midoriya who was once again dragged into the Todoroki drama.

This has nothing to do with him, and yet, once again, a Todoroki appeared and felt the need to announce his entire tragic backstory in his vicinity. All those jokes about Todoroki never meeting Izuku because he would have coughed up his secret in the second were true.

Dabi looks so soft here and some part of me wants to believe that’s because he knew Rei would be watching.

And by that, I mean Dabi is a Momma boy.

I am bravely trying to keep a straight face as this guy is about to explain us why he killed 30 innocent people instead of his dad or some members of the Hero Commission.

I mean, Fuyumi managed not to snap despite many reasons, so really, there is no excuse.

More seriously, I hope that he won’t only reveal what Endeavor did. I want to know why he was considered dead. And I want to know if my theory about Touya being in the same HSPC program as Hawks is true, because there has to be a reason why he knows his real name.

Of course, for the last one, I can accept that Young Touya found a drawing of Endeavor and a young kid with red wings sent by a little fan through the Endeavor agency.

But I would much prefer to see more about the HPSC and how horrible it is.

The real victim of this chapter: Can’t-You-See-kun.

Look at how happy he is. I am pretty sure this is the best day of his life.

@pocketramblr is the one who realized that Horikoshi had to knock Dabi unconscious in Kamino because that man would have jumped on the occasion of screaming to the world who he really is, only to see society freak out.

There is 50% chance that AFO would have killed him for being more dramatic than him but, man, what a way to go.

*squints* Is that his hair becoming white due to the strain?

I am... actually not surprised by it. Dabi doesn’t know Shouto. And he isn’t Touya anymore.

The only thing Shouto is to him is Endeavor’s weapon to become number 1 and the child that stole his place and who made all his pain meaningless.

Endeavor: “Redemption arc?”

Dabi: “Hahaha NO. Step 1 of my plan where you get everything you want right before I make you choke on it.”

This is nothing short of breathtaking and once again, Horikoshi steals my breath away.

Make no mistake: Touya is dead. He died a long time ago. Only remains a rageful ghost hold together by hatred and staples. He will not hesitate to sacrifice anything to destroy Endeavor, be it himself, others, and even members of his family.

I have about zero regret for Endeavor but the rest of the Todoroki family? Dabi just took a sledgehammer to that and now, they will all have to live with the consequences.

Kudos to Dabi, though. He did what All for One didn’t manage to do. He wanted to ruin the number 1, to show that he was a liar and how pitiful he was. All for One failed to do so when he revealed All Might’s true form but Dabi executed that plan perfectly.

The other really good point about this is that no one will care about Izuku using multiple quirks. With how Dabi stole the show, Shigaraki will be lucky if people still talk about him.

#bnha 290 #bnha spoilers #bnha #bnha reactions

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clearsky · 3 years

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My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

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casmybelovedass · 4 years

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The Destiel Folder: Season 7

[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6]

This season is mostly Dean being a depressed bi who can't cope with his crush's death.

This is, in my opinion, the season where Dean actually starts realizing he might for real think of Cas as something more.

Episode 1:

Cas is basically gone, both Bobby and Sam (almost) are ready to compel to whatever he says, but Dean still tries to get him to come back. "You can turn this around. Please!" (3:13) Denial

Dean has no idea how to deal with God!Castiel, but desperate to find him, and getting emotional "I don't even know what book to hit for this." "Then figure it out!" (5:47) Anger

As we have said many times already, angels don't have a sex, Castiel is not a man, and as he states, he is "utterly indifferent to sexual orientation" (8:03), and so is Chuck, God himself, who has admitted having had both girlfriends and boyfriends.

Dean turns off the news the moment he hears a woman describe Cas as "young and sexy", while doing that jaw clentch thing of his (10:14) ... huh... [and this doesn't really matter, but after this we immediately see Dean in a purple flannel. PURPLE! Go Bi!Dean]

"He's not a guy, he's a God [...] Cas is never coming back. He's lied to us, he's used us, he's cracked your gourd like it was nothing. No more talk. We've spent enough on him." (11:09) Dean trying to jump to the 5th stage of grief. Yeah, no baby that's not how it works

Dean tries so hard to convince himself that Cas's gone so he can kill him, but can't really. "Just kill him now!" and struggles hard to hold Castiel's glare. And as soon as Death offers a second option to killing him, Dean takes it. Bargening

"Dean, look, I know you think Cas is gone." "That's because he is." (31:22) Again with trying to jump to acceptance. Not doing great, Dean. In fact, "Yeah, you know how I'm gonna deal? I'm gonna stuff my pie hole, I'm gonna drink, and I'm gonna watch some asian cartoon porn. And act like the world's about to explode, because it is." (32:17) There it is. Depression.

[Remember this: Dean has no shame in watching porn in front of his brother. Wait a few seasons and see]

Just moments earlier, Dean was all "That's not Cas, Cas is dead" and shit, and now he goes "What? You need something else?" worried-husband-mode the moment Cas asks for help (34:50). Also#MARRIED (35:16)

Bobby: "Where's Sam? It's go time." Dean: *looks back at Cas worried* (37:12)

MUST HELP HUSBAND (38:06) look at Dean's eyes!!! They're like 'It's okay, it's okay. You've got this.' "I'm sorry, Dean." Cas chose these words to be his last, thinking he was going to die. LOOK AT DEAN (38:21) ICWAW this would MEAN SOMETHING ELSE

"CAS! [...] Is he breathing? ... Maybe angels don't need to breathe." says the one who was going around saying Cas was gone for good. "He's gone, Dean." "... damn it... *tears up* Cas, you child... Why didn't you listen to me." #MARRIED (39:15) Then he goes "CAS?!" as soon as he starts breathing again. ICWAW, we would SCREAM "LOVE" in this scene

"Imma find some way to redeem myself to you *looks at Dean straight in the eyes*" "*looks at Cas up and down*... Alright, well, one thing at the time, come on. Let's get you out of here." "I mean it, Dean." *eye love-making* "... Okay." (40:30) ICWAW, oooohhh, the meanings this scene would have...

Dean's face when the Leviathans tell him Cas is dead. Again. (41:18)

Episode 2:

Dean looking at the Leviathans occupying Cas' body. The HATE (1:44)

"... okay... so he's gone. *shakes while tearing up* [...] Dumb son of a bitch..." (5:14) Here we go again... I'm fine, shut up

Dean picks up, washes, folds and keeps Cas' coat (5:23) SWEET

"You just lost one of the best friends you've ever had." this hurts me. "... I'm fine, really." (12:11)

"You asked me how I was doing? Well, not good." (38:54)

Episode 5:

Dean progressively drinks more as his nightmares get worse and he misses Cas more and more. 3 times we see him drink, only in the first 12 minutes.

Sam can tell Dean feels like shit, and bet one of those reasons is Cas "Like it or not, the stuff you don't talk about, it doesn't just go away. It builds up." (39:33) Yeah, and not only problems or grief... even love

Episode 7:

Not a destiel moment, but Dean totally got hit on by the waiter. LOL (7:30)

And again. What is it with men in this town and Dean. "We're looking for a necklace." "Romantic. *looks at Dean*" (12:17). Is it an energy reading thing or something? Can they feel the bi energy?

"The Campbell brothers. [...] They weren't actually brothers. That was a cover for their, uhm... alternative life style." (22:40) Huh... I guess calling your lover "brother" runs in the family

"Ever since Cas... I'm having a hard time trusting anybody." (40:44) ouch

Episode 9:

Dean is drunk/high on Leviathan juice, and the first thing he thinks and blabbers about, is Cas (19:48) "I don't even care anymore." Oooohh ICWAW... the possibilities for this scene

Episode 12:

Dean totally checked out that man in uniform. FIGHT ME (16:27)

Episode 13:

"You're head's not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now-" "Now what!!" (39:35) as soon as Sam mentions Cas' death, Dean gets snappy

Episode 17:

Dean keeps getting snappy whenever Sam mentions Cas

"OH my God the love of my life is alive!" (13:02-13:06)

Dean's face when Daphne touches Cas (13:25), and when he calls her his wife (13:41)

AND HIS FUCKING FACE TRYING NOT TO TEAR UP BECAUSE CAS DOESN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT HIM (14:16)

You mean to tell me that ICWAW this wouldn't be seen as a mini desperation moment from a man seeing his lover in this situation? Yeah, I don't think so

"What if you were some sort of... I don't know, bad guy." "I... I don't feel like a bad person." Dean's face is like "Damn right you aren't" (16:50)

"He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?" Dean looking at him... can't even answer the question (19:59)

Dean says Cas' betrayal is something he cant get over like everything else. And that he doesn't know why. "It doesn't matter why." "Of course it matters!" (20:25)

Dean gets visibly uneasy about Meg being so close to Cas (25:34) jealous boyfriend is jealous

Dean doesn't want Cas to remember, afraid he'll leave again (32:18)

"I've known you for years!" (32:34) poor baby. Also "You're an angel." "Uhm, I'm sorry? Is that a flirtation?" DEAN'S FACE (32:42)

Dean doesn't want Cas to be hurt by his own memories and past actions (33:00)

"You used to fight together. Bestest friends, actually." Yeah, look at that reaction. Let's see how he reacts to being called his boyfriend later on (33:09)

#MARRIED!!! I'll just leave this. No comment (33:41)

As Cas regains his memories, only 2 of the ones we see are not of Dean. And the only one we hear is the "I'm sorry, Dean." . That is what matters to Cas (and this looks like a slash video. Kudos to the editors) "I remember you... I remember everything." Yeah, no-homo save (34:35)

Not even an hour earlier, Dean was ranting about Cas betraying him, how he couldn't forget and forgive him, and now he is saying Cas did "the best you could at the time", but Cas actually feels guilt and doesn't want Dean to defend him, but Dean does anyway (36:53)

"We didn't part as friends, Dean." "*looks at Cas up and down*... So what?" "I deserved to die." the look on Dean's face (37:18)

Dean gives Cas his trench coat back. The trench coat he kept, folded and all the the truck, for weeks. And that's not even Baby. So he moved the coat, to always have it with him (37:26). I'm not crying, shut up

Also, here, have a deleted scene that breaks my heart

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Episode 20:

Let us all appreciate that one time Dean helped a lesbian flirt with a dude (24:27-25:03)

Episode 21:

Dean is devastated about Cas' mental state, that he did that to himself to save Sam. Look at his eyes in this scene (16:08). Also, Dean still resents Cas for the whole 'New God' crap, but it feels like the real reason is the fact that he left (19:18)

"Cas! Don't make me pull this car over!" "Are you angry? Why are you angry? *puppy eyes*" "... No I-I'm..." #MARRIED (27:28)

Cas says he won't fight anymore, but as soon as Dean's in trouble, he FLIPS

"The angels... they don't care... I think maybe they don't have the equipment to care." (31:49) Touchy much, Dean?, are you trying to convince yourself about that? It feels like he's making excuses to not let himself feel anything for Cas. "It seems like when they try, it just... breaks them apart." ... OK, fuck everything, ICWAW this would totally be seen as romantic angsty reference to Cas

Cas is so lost in his guilt for what he has caused. He looks like a baby, and it gets worse when it comes to Dean

"Why should we give you anything? After everything you have taken from us? The very touch of you curropts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!" (36:50) okay damn, ICWAW all of this would seem as if they were talking about a love relationship between the two and you can't tell me otherwise

'HURT HUSBAND-MUST PROTECT MODE' (37:17)

"The bone of a righteous mortal and the blood of a fallen angel" ... shut up, I'm dying over these clues (39:11)

"What are you gonna do, Cas?" Dean's eyes are begging him to stay. ICWAW, we would point that out without a shadow of a doubt (39:40)

Episode 23:

"Dude... on my car. He showed up naked... covered in bees!" ... come on, ICWAW this would be a HUGE deal (5:10)

"Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first." (8:51) LISTEN HERE. I study psychology, and one of the first things they teach you is that jokes are based on the truth. HOW MANY OF THESE JOKES WERE MADE?! HUH??!! (plus all the "Dick" jokes Sam made) Also Dean's reaction with the jaw clentch... just saying

Cas keeps stating he doesn't want to fight, but again, Dean's in trouble? FIGHT MODE

"*soft shoulder touch, puppy eyes, serves Dean a sandwich*" ... SOFT #MARRIED COUPLE (18:27)

"You got anything to say on the topic of dicks?" you'd like that, wouldn't you, Dean? (26:42)

Cas is afraid he will do something to cause Dean more trouble. Let's remember he chose what he believed were his last words to be "I'm sorry, Dean.", but as we know, Dean deals with feelings by showing anger... Cas gets upset and copes by playing twister... pathetic. "I can't help. [...] I destroyed everything and I will destroy everything again!" for a moment, Cas is lucid, and expresses his fear, but as soon as Dean gets angry with him, Cas gows back to hide in his world of crazy (26:47)

"I'm not good luck, Dean." "... You know what? [...] I'd rather have you. Cursed or not." Look at Cas' soft little smile as it grows. ICWAW, this would be read as another confession (32:38)

"I'll go with you." SOFT

SEE??! The MOMENT Dick threatens Dean, Cas goes full Angel of the Lord on his ass. MUST PROTECT HUSBAND (36:52) and the utter shock on Dean's face is priceless

And here comes PurGAYtory

[Season 8>>]

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rachelbethhines · 4 years

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TTS Songs Ranked Worst to Best

Someone asked me to rank my fav and least fav TTS songs a while back, but I’ve since then relistened to the soundtrack and there’s a whole bunch of songs that just forgot about, so here’s a more accurate ranking now that the songs are more fresh in my mind

32 . Life After Happily Ever After (Reprise)

This song is infuriating, because the finale is infuriating. Listening to this song just makes me angry all over again because it reminds me just how unsatisfying the ending to TTS was. I wanted to turn it off at several points. I barely can get through it despite it being so short. It doesn’t help that the soundtrack leaves all the dialogue in there and fails to actually end the song. It just cuts off before the final note.

31. Hook Foot’s Ballad

Does this even count as a song? Why is it here on the soundtrack but not the Hurt Incantation? Did Menken really waste his talent writing a joke and did the showrunners really waste money and limited resources on this?

30. Friendship Song

Bland, boring, and pointless. It was clearly written as a marketing stunt for the radio disney charts and not as anything to do with the plot of the series. They just throw it up on screen to fill out the running time and don't even let the whole song play through. It’s pitiful.

29. Waiting in the Wings (Reprise)

I didn’t think much of the original song one way or the other, but the reprise is soooo dumb. The plot twist it introduces winds up ruining the whole show and sabotaging both Cassandra’s and Rapunzel’s characters. It’s not even a nice sounding song on it’s own. The kid’s voice is irritating (who I’m sure is doing her best, but really little kids shouldn’t be made to sing professionally as a general rule) and the melody just as bland as the first time it was played. The only reason to like this song is if you’r a mega fan of Cassandra’s or her VA, which I am not. (Note: this is not a criticism of Eden Espinosa, I just don’t happen to follow any of the VAs in this show)

28. Through It All

I like the instrumentals in this song, and that’s about it. Everything about this song is wrong. It doesn’t fit the story, it’s a misuse of the cast and songwriters, it’s a waste of valuable screen time, the melody is dull, and the dang soundtrack had to throw in that lame dialogue about ‘greatest threat ever’ at the beginning. If you want a pump up song in your story then you got to earn it. You can’t just tell us things are bad, you got to show it. A joyful horseback ride and everyone sitting in a bar safe and sound isn’t threatening or depressing enough to warrant a cheering up session. Plus the song itself doesn’t add anything to the overall story.

27. The Girl Who Has Everything

Sometimes I think the writers were willing trying to sabotage themselves. It’s as if they were determined to make the only two main female characters in the show unlikeable bitches in season three. Don’t believe me? The creator Chris has said this song only exists to highlight how much easier Rapunzel has things than Cass and went onto say that Rapunzel was in the wrong during their conflict because ‘she held Cassandra back’. (Oh yeah she totally ‘held back’ the grown woman who left on her own accord, returned on her own accord, and then assaulted and tried to murder a bunch of people for no reason of her own accord.) But this song does succeed in furthering season’s three narrative that Rapunzel is a spoiled selfish brat. Shame the story fails to address this setup and never has Rapunzel learn to be a better person. Rather the narrative bends over backward to tell us how special Rapunzel is without any sense of self awareness and this song falls into that same trap; making it both irritating and pointless.

26. Listen Up

Yeah, I talked about this on my salt marathon, but I just don't like this song very much. The melody is fine but the lyrics are a real miss in my mind. It doesn’t help matters that the song is indeed pointless in the grand scheme of things.

25. Livin’ the Dream

This is much on the same level as Listen Up as it features the same problems. It doesn’t add to the narrative and the lyrics kind of let it down. I placed it higher just because I like the melody a little more.

24. More of Me

This song is a lot like the Friendship Song in that it was created to be an end credit song for the pop charts and you’d be forgiven in forgetting it even exists. However, it at least got to actually play all the way through. I think this song was a real missed opportunity. I honestly believe that it should have been the opening theme song of the show instead of Wind in My Hair. It’s more built to serve such a purpose and it’s a waste of resources not to actually use it. Alternatively, I would have accepted it being reworked into the actual series as a character song. Especially since we’re missing a song in season three due to budget cuts.

23. Wind In My Hair

Speaking of theme songs, I think I would like Wind In My Hair a lot better if i didn’t have to listen to it every episode. On its own it actually has a lot of things going for it; a nice melody, interesting instrumentals, good singing, ect. Unfortunately it’s just over exposed, and none of those elements lend themselves naturally to an intro song for a tv show. In fact the theme song feels really out of place and is edited oddly to fit the shorter intro.

22. Wind In My Hair (Reprise)

Honestly the theme song is mostly comprised of this reprise, but it has the opening instrumentals from the OG song frankensteined onto it. This means that the version that plays before every episode is on fullblast all the time to keep the energy up, but that’s not how the song is suppose to go. The actual reprise that plays in the pilot builds to a crescendo, starting soft and melancolony and getting louder and more hopeful and determined. It sounds a lot better in full because of that. It’s still too overexposed though. Both these songs would probably be higher on the list of not for the theme song version.

21. With You by My Side

This song is fine. It’s nothing special, but it’s not bad either. What knocks it down the list is the fact that Lance isn’t in it, despite Lance being right there. Like don't bother hiring a famous Broadway singer if you’re not going to have him sing! But that speaks more to the poor writing of season two than anything else. This song also doesn’t really add anything to the narrative as, contrary to what the writers intended, it doesn’t actually enhance the emotional impact of Cassandra’s betrayal later in the episode. The song itself is just tacked on and doesn’t take the opportunity to lay down any foreshadowing for that plot point.

20. Next Stop Anywhere

Another perfectly serviable song. It’s not bad but nothing outstanding. It gets the job done. It’s also really ho-hum and the soundtrack keeps all the unneeded dialogue, which is a pet peeve of mine.

19. Waiting In the Wings

Despite it’s hype, I never thought much of Waiting in the Wings. It’s got nice instrumentals and Eden Espinosa gives it her all in the singing department. The problem is it’s too generic. It’s a bare bones basic ass ‘I want song’. Cassandra's movations are weak and unsupported by the narrative, the melody is boring, and it honestly doesn’t add anything to her story. I mean it should, it’s her character solo, but because she’s written so poorly the song just winds up undermining the character in the end. All I’m saying is that, this is not the song from season two that I would have nominated for the Emmys. But it’s still Alan Menken, it’s still nicely performed, and given the rest of the competition for that year, it did deserve to win.

18. If I Could Take That Moment Back

This song is also pretty generic, but it’s less boring than I See the Light, (yeah, I said it, I See the Light is boring) so that’s a win in my book. Ergo this holds the title of the only New Dream duet that I enjoy. But there’s better stuff on this list.

17. Next Stop Anywhere (Reprise)

Well no, I take that back. The reprise of Next Stop Anywhere is also technically a New Dream duet. It’s still not anything amazing, but it works for what it is. Plus, Adria’s opening dialogue in the soundtrack version doesn’t bother me quite as much as some of the other dialogues choices that were kept in.

16. Stronger Than Ever Before

I really enjoyed this song in the moment. It’s catchy and fun, and it finally has Lance doing something rather than ignoring his existence. However it is borderline unnecessary in terms of story placement, and I’m slightly mad at it now that I know that we could have gotten a Rapunzel and Varian duet but it was scrapped for this instead.

15. Crossing the Line

Keeping with the theme of ‘songs I have conflicting emotions about’, we have Crossing the Line. This song is confused. It starts and stops, the melody isn’t clear, the orchestration is playing tug of war with the singers for dominance, and it’s basically Alan Menken and the show’s creators ripping off Frozen. (I guess he’s kicking himself for leaving that particular project?) But it’s interesting. I never heard anything quite like it. It’s memorable even if it doesn’t fully work. It’s got these interesting bits and pieces to it that just never quite comes together as a whole. Some of the lyrics are some of the best Glenn Slater has ever wrote and is far better than the story actually surrounding the song. Yet there’s other lines that are total cringe. Sometimes the song is bold and catchy and gets you all hyped up, and then other times its limp and staggering and feels so awkward to listen to. Yet it’s not boring or generic and so I have to place it higher than the rest of the songs that’s come before. (Also, there’s some amazing orchestral covers out there that really pulls together the various parts really well, just fyi)

14. Nothing Left to Lose

I really don't like this song. I’ve been one of its biggest critics ever since it was leaked by the marketing team earlier this year. And yet... I can’t in good conscience place any lower on this list. All of the problems I have with it are the exact same problems I have with Crossing the Line. It’s confused, the various pieces don't line up, the instrumentals are competing with the vocals, the song’s progression is weird with it’s constant key changes, some of the lyrics are good while others are absolute shit, ect and so forth. It also actively works against the story it's trying to tell. The song wants you to sympathize with Cassandra, but her lines are as shallow as a puddle and makes her look like a sociopath. Especially when she’s physically attacking Varian through out for no reason. Also neither character learns anything from the exchange and it fails to impact the story. By all accounts this is a bad song. But I’m Varian trash. There I said it. You happy? Varian’s parts in the songs are fine, good even, and the song is anything but bland. I would rather listen to a mess then be bored to tears by a competent yet standard four chord pop song.

13. I’d Give Anything

This song is nice to listen to. Story wise it absolutely sucks and shouldn’t have been in the finale at all. But it sounds pleasant. This is one of those songs that could pop up randomly on the radio and I would just think it it a nice sad break up song. I can’t say that about some of the other misplaced songs in the show. This one however, you can very much, absolutely divorce this song from the narrative and it would be fine. Now that’s not good writing, and it’s very much a waste of limited resources, but I’m rating the music here first and story second.

12. Buddy Song

The Buddy Song also absolutely did not need to exist but it also sounds nice. Plus, it makes use of Lance so I’m a little more lenient towards it. I can’t however place it higher since it really is just Alan Menken ripping off Alan Menken. Like, I would not be at all surprised to find out that this was originally a deleted song for Aladdin or something.

11. Bigger Than That

What can I say, Lance just gets good songs. When the show bothers to give them to him. Unfortunately, it’s not the best placed. It kind of interrupts the more important drama of Be Very Afraid, and probably should have been saved for a later episode. Especially since it hinges on a plot point that is contradictory to Lance’s character. We should have gotten a Varian and Rapunzel duet here and given Lance his own episode in the second half of season three. This song could have easily been refitted into being a bonding moment for him and the girls. That would also have filled out the season’s original songs to the usual eight instead of only seven.

10. Life After Happily Ever After

Now we’re getting to the good stuff. The top ten. The best of the best. This song makes the cut for three reasons. 1. It lyrically and musically interesting 2. It does the job of furthering the story and the characters and 3. Eugene’s part is so damn good. Like this song could have easily fell down into the ranks of ‘fine but generic’ if it wasn’t for the bridge with Eugene. That puts it over the top and to my mind makes it better than anything from the OG film. (well almost anything, Mother Knows Best is still great) This is the barometer by which I measure all of the music in the series. Is it better or worse than Life After Happily Ever After? Because this is the level that I equate good musicals with. What keeps on the tenth spot and not higher is the dialogue that still left on the soundtrack and the lack of a Cassandra introduction. That and also the rest of the songs are just flat better.

9. Hurt Incantation

Hurt, Decay, Reverse, whatever you want to call it, this was such a cool fucking concept. One that was utterly wasted by the show. I place this so high because it just sounds awesome! It looks good too, and it offered up so many possibilities from a story perspective. What lets it down is the lack of follow up for it and it’s too short. There’s needed to be another verse. It also should have been on the actual soundtrack instead of Hook Foot’s Ballad. (The Heal Incantation also was sung in What the Hair, but I’m not counting it since it was written for the film)

8. The Girl Who Has Everything (Reprise)

I hate the initial song and the set up that it took to get here, but I love this reprise. It’s perfect. This is what the story needed more of. Rapunzel taking her life into her hands, and her proposing to Eugene would have been the perfect capstone for her arc. In fact I’m angry we didn’t actually get that. There’s absolutely no reason why Rapunzel couldn’t have done so and we could have had her and Eugene engaged during the second half of season three. How much better would have it been if Cassandra threatened their wedding plans and that’s why they couldn’t go through with it until after the series ended? So much more tension that way.

7. I Got This

This is a really good song that actually futhers the characters and the narrative. Moreover it’s refreshing to see the heroine not be perfect and to fail sometimes due to her own inadequacies. It’s just a shame that the series didn’t follow through with this set up, but I appreciate the attempt all the same.

6. Set Yourself Free

This is the only song in the series that’s an actual satisfying pay off for anything. Music wise it’s nothing too special, but in terms of context it just works. We were sorely deprived of such resolutions and songs with actual meaning in the show.

5. View From Up Here

This song is too good for the episode it actually appears in. We needed something like this back in season one to introduce Cassandra with. It also sadly doesn’t fit with the wider narrative after season three. However I shall still appreciate it as a ‘what might have been’ type song.

4. Let Me Make You Proud

The only reason why this song isn’t higher is just overexposure and I’ve no one to blame but myself for that. I’ve listened to this song way too many times. As such it tends to alternate between this, View from Up Here, and the next song on the list. But make no mistake it is glorious. Fantastic instrumentals, set up, and of course amazing vocals.

3. Everything I Ever Thought I Knew

Yes, I know this plot point didn’t lead anywhere, but it works for this song at least. Also Eugene’s VA is a really underrated singer. He sounds nice and he emotes really well. Though I’ll be honest, this jumped up to third place because it was fresh in my mind after listening to the soundtrack before making this list. I’ve always liked the song and I do rate it highly, but it can change places with Let Me Make You Proud and View from Up Here at anytime depending on my mood.

2. Let Me Make You Proud (Reprise)

This song is heartbreaking! Story wise it probably shouldn’t exist because it gives away the twist too soon, but who cares, it’s awesome! Varian’s arc is the most compelling in the show and the only thing that saves TTS from falling into mediocre obscurity; and it’s songs like this that help make the arc stand out even more than it already does.

1. Ready As I’ll Ever Be

I said it before and I’ll say it again; Ready As I’ll Ever Be is the greatest thing Alan Menken has ever written in his entire career! If you know anything about the multiple award winning songwriter then you know that is no faint praise and I do not dole it out lightly. This song is the reason why this show even has a fanbase. People are still getting into the series because of this song. And no matter how many times you listen to it just rocks! It’s complex, layered, moody, and with a fantastic beat and energy. The performances are wonderful and the instrumentation glorious. It belongs in the hollows of Disney’s greatest hits and not regulated to a spin-off tv show that failed to make its money back. I weep for the lost potential that this song and this show had. It hurts to know that so many people will never see this flash of brilliance that has come out of the House of Mouse, will never know the wonderfulness that is Varian. Ah, ‘c'est la vie’, I suppose. Tangled the Series got what it deserved, but it's crew did not. While I can not in all honesty recommend the series in full; I do sincerely urge any Disney fan to check out the songs at the very least. Especially this one. And that’s it. There’s my official ranking of all the songs, and I hope those of you read my Tangled reviews appreciate the hours it took into making this.

#tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #varian #rapunzel #eugene #cassandra #lance #alan menken #Disney #disney music #disney songs

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dlwritings · 4 years

Text

Firecracker Soul | Dean Winchester

Chapter 3 - Saved

pairing - mob!Dean x teacher!ofc

word count - 3,220

warnings - language, attempted sexual assault, fist fight, vomit

additional notes at the end

(previous)

When Monday came around, Alice hadn't even realized she was waiting for Lexi's pick up until she saw Sam. She couldn't help the way her shoulders dropped. Was she disappointed? Did she want another chance to see the handsome Dean? Maybe. Sure. Yeah. She was human.

When Sam came over to her and Lexi, he made small talk. "I know Jess already thanked you," he said, "but I wanted to say it too for last week. My brother's usually really punctual, but sometimes he can get caught up at his job."

"It's like I said to Jess," she said, "it was seriously no problem."

"Ms. Alice had lots of fun with me," Lexi said. "She said I'm her favorite."

"Shh," Alice said playfully, holding a finger up to her lips. "That was our secret."

Sam laughed, and Alice could really see his resemblance to Dean, especially in the eyes. Sam's eyes were a bit more narrow, but he got similar creases in the corners when he laughed. Otherwise, the brothers didn't look all that much alike except for the fact that they were both very handsome.

Sam and Lexi both said goodbye, and soon enough, all the kids were gone. Alice headed back inside to her classroom and stood there, basking in the silence. It was strange for a moment. A room that was usually filled with laughter and chatter was now completely quiet. She sat at her desk and stared at her computer screen, thinking about what she and Christine had talked about at breakfast on Saturday.

Doing something for yourself isn't a waste of time.

Her ex-boyfriend was in New York. He hadn't been in her life in a month. She was 1,400 miles away from him. He didn't control her. Christine was right. It was time she started acting like her life was hers again. Still, when she opened up her grad school application essay draft, nothing came to her brain. All those months of Greg telling her grad school would be a waste of time and money had gotten to her. She started to forget why she wanted to go in the first place.

She stayed at school for longer than she planned, only noticing when there was a knock at her classroom door. She looked up and saw the janitor, Jimmy, smiling at her. "Pulling a late night are we?" he asked.

"Is it night already?" she asked, somewhat joking.

"It's almost 7:30, Ms. Berkley," he said.

"God," she said, standing up from her desk and gathering her things. "I just completely lost track of time." Jimmy just chuckled and tapped her doorframe again.

"Get home safe," he said.

"Thanks Jimmy," she said with a smile.

She headed out to her Jeep, plugged her phone in for some tunes, and started the drive down the road. The sun was already set, and she was at least grateful she wouldn't have to drive into the light of the setting sun. Still, she didn't particularly enjoy night driving, especially when she had to drive through downtown Topeka. It wasn't that there was a lot of crime in the city, but she passed some particularly crowded streets that didn't always have the greatest track record in terms of burglary rates.

So when she heard the pop of one of her tires, she was less than thrilled when she had to pull over. Luckily, it wasn't on one of the crowded streets. She was able to find a side road where she was alone so she could crouch beside the car to see the damage. She had only been pulled over for all of five minutes when she heard someone start to approach her. She stood up and saw a guy coming over to her. He looked to be only a few years older than her.

"Hey," he said. "You having some car issues?"

"Yeah, but it's fine," she said. "Just popped a tire." She hadn't replaced her spare from the last time she blew a tire -god, she really needed new tires- so she figured she'd just call one of her dads for a tow.

"Well I can give you a ride," the guy said. "Why don't you come with me, and-"

"Oh no, that's really okay," she said, waving her hand again. "I don't need-" The guy took a few steps closer to her, and she suddenly wished she had chosen one of the more busy streets to pull over on. The alley had just looked so promising and empty.

"I wasn't asking," the guy said. His menacing tone and clenched jaw were enough to kick her body into flight mode. She tried to run, but he was quicker and grabbed her by her waist. He kept one hand on her mouth while bending her over the hood of her car and lifting her skirt. He moved his hand from her skirt up to the front of her dress, pulling it so harshly that the strap snapped. He tugged the front of it down and gripped her breast in his fist, tweaking her nipple. She was sobbing, doing her best to wiggle free of his grasp. She couldn't bite his hand, and with his body practically laying on top of hers, she wasn't strong enough to fight him off. The hand that was on her mouth hadn't moved, but he dragged the other back down her torso and between their bodies to unbutton his jeans and tug them down a bit. She let out another muffled cry, wishing she could will herself out of the moment before he could do anything else.

And nothing else came. The guy was ripped off her, and she fell to the ground, pulling her knees up to her chest as she cried. She could faintly hear punches being thrown, groans of pain, and cracked bones, but she couldn't get herself to look at what was happening. She couldn't hold back the wave of nausea that came, and she threw up next to her. Snot was dripping down her nose as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Hey, are you-" The voice stopped suddenly. "Alice?"

She tried to sit up while still keeping herself covered. Who was talking to her? They knew her name? She focused her eyes enough to make out the man in front of her.

"Dean?" she said, her voice cracking.

"Hey," he said. She wasn't cold, but the panic settling in her body was causing her to shake uncontrollably. Dean took off his sweatshirt and held it out to her. "You wanna put this on for me?" She took it quietly and pulled it over her head, covering her ripped dress and exposed breast. She planned to burn the dress she was wearing, and she wished she could rid herself of all of it right then. She didn't want it. Didn't want the memory of what happened anywhere on her.

She threw up again.

Dean wanted to touch her. To hold her hair or rub her back. But he didn't want to scare her anymore than she already was. She sat up and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, and she was struggling to make eye contact with Dean.

"What are you doing here?" she finally asked.

"I was just on this end of town," he said, "heading to a bar." She nodded and stood up from the ground on shaky legs. Dean reached out a hand when he thought she was going to fall again. She didn't. "Hey, I know you don't know me that well," he said, "but can I give you a ride home?" Her lower lip shook, and she bit it to try and stop herself from crying. Not because she was scared of Dean. She was just so overwhelmed by everything happening.

Stranger danger told her to run from Dean. She met him once. She didn't know him from Adam. Still, he seemed nice. Lexi loved him. Not that either of those things really meant anything at the end of the day.

"You can have 911 at the ready, and if you've got pepper spray or something, you can point it at me the whole time."

At that, she managed a smile as she folded her arms across her chest. When she looked around Dean, she saw the body of the man who had attacked her laying in a bloody heap on the ground. Dean followed her gaze and frowned. "He'll wake up eventually," he said, then mumbled under his breath, "unfortunately."

He had just beaten a rapist off of her. That had to count for something, right?

She opened her bag and grabbed her keychain, gripping the pepper spray in her fist. Dean bit back the smirk that desperately wanted to cross his face. "Okay," Alice whispered, putting her bag over her shoulder again. She finally allowed herself to meet his eyes. God, they were so green. "Thank you."

Dean nodded and motioned for her to follow him back towards the main street. "My car's parked in the lot down the block," he said. They both walked in silence. Dean had his hands in his pockets. She had one in the sweatshirt pocket and the other that was holding the pepper spray hung loosely at her side.

The car was the same Impala he had picked Lexi up in. She slid in the front seat and held her bag securely on her lap, her right hand still holding her pepper spray at the ready. Dean got in the driver's side and started the car. His music blasted loudly as soon as it turned on, and he apologized quickly and turned it down so it was a dull hum in the background. He drove down the street as she pointed and softly told him which way to go.

When they pulled up to her apartment building, Dean killed the engine. She couldn't get herself to get out of the car. She sat there, staring blankly out the front window. Dean didn't say anything either, and she was glad he wasn't pushing her out of the car. Finally, she took a shaky breath and looked at him. "Can you walk me to my door?" she asked. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Dean said, taking the key out of the ignition. "It's not a problem." She mouthed a thank you and got out of the car. The two of them walked to her front door, and her hands were shaking so much she couldn't even put her key in the lock. "Here," Dean said, taking the key from her. "I can get it." She thanked him again, and he unlocked her front door so she could step inside.

She cleared her throat nervously. "Do you want a drink or something?" she asked him. "You said you were headed to a bar, and I guess I kind of ruined your plans." Dean chuckled and hung his head, his hands settling on his hips.

"You don't need to do that," he said.

"No, I know," she said. "I, really. It's not a big deal. I've got beer and, and whiskey, and-" Dean held up his hand.

"You had me at whiskey," he said with a playful grin. She let out a breath that sounded somewhat like a laugh and stepped aside so he could come in. She told Dean he could take off his shoes, and she went into the kitchen to get him a glass and something to drink. Dean noticed how badly she was still shaking as she struggled to open her whiskey -whiskey that looked like it hadn't even been opened before. He sighed and walked over to her, gently laying his hands on hers. She jumped and closed her eyes, clenching her jaw in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You don't need to be sorry," he said. "You haven't done anything wrong." She let out another shaky breath and moved her hands from the bottle. "How about this," Dean said. "You go change out of those clothes, and I'll pour myself a glass."

Yes. She wanted out of the clothes. In fact, she wanted to wash the whole night away.

"Do you mind if I take a quick shower?" she asked. He didn't, so she thanked him again and rushed off to the bathroom.

While she was in the shower, Dean took a few minutes to look around her apartment. He never thought he'd be there tonight. Hell, he didn't think he'd see her again until Thursday when it was his turn to pick up Lexi again. He had told her the truth when he found her in the alley. He ran into her by happenstance. He was on his way home from the bunker when he decided to stop by one of his favorite bars. He didn't even think about how he was somewhat close to Lexi's school, nor that Alice might be on her way home from work after 7:00.

He smiled at a picture of her and a group of her students that was framed on her mantel. He could see Lexi glued to her side. Wow, Lexi hadn't been kidding when she said she loved her teacher.

Dean heard the bathroom door open, and Alice walked out dressed in pajamas, rubbing a towel through her hair. He had to remind himself why he was there. What fucked up situation had brought him to her apartment. The thoughts he was having were exactly the opposite of what he needed to be thinking after stopping her from getting raped. It was just, it should be illegal for someone to look that sexy and innocent at the same time. Like, if there was some way to make that an enforceable law, he would start a petition. Because if it had been any other girl he knew, he would've called her a tease and ripped her clothes right off. The thing was, he knew Alice wasn't doing it on purpose. Wasn't looking that way on purpose. Still, it was killing him. How could she be so oblivious?

Alice gave him a soft smile and turned to toss her towel back in the bathroom. She bent over to gather her wet hair into a bun, and Dean took a sip of his whiskey so he wouldn't groan. Did she really have no idea that her tits were spilling out of that poor excuse of a top? That the sight of her alone made his cock so damn hard it almost hurt? God, he felt like a hormonal teenager.

"How're you feeling?" he asked as she went to sit on the couch. She shrugged.

"A little better," she answered. "I gave my dad a call. He's gonna get my car towed." Dean nodded. "You can come sit if you want." He smiled awkwardly and sat on the opposite end of the couch from her. They were both quiet, and Dean took another sip of his whiskey. "Thank you again," she whispered, hanging her head to look at her hands. "I don't-" She hesitated. "I can't imagine what would've happened if you hadn't found me."

She wasn't going to cry in front of this guy. No way. He had seen her vulnerable enough that night. She didn't want him to have to suffer through watching her blubber about how hard her life was.

He scoffed. "You don't have to thank me for that. I'm just glad I was there."

"Yeah," she said. "Me too." She shook her head and let out a pathetic laugh. "God, I can't believe I was in an alley by myself. How dumb is that? What a dumb move."

"Hey, this isn't your fault," he said. "You shouldn't have to walk around with pepper spray at the ready all the time. It was that guy's fault for being a pervert." She shuddered and licked her lips, not once meeting Dean's eyes. He didn't like that. Didn't like that she didn't seem to believe him. "Alice," he said more firmly. Her eyes stayed closed. "Look at me."

She did.

"This is not your fault," he said again. "I really want to make sure you know that." She swallowed thickly and nodded her head. He put his whiskey glass down and turned to face her. "I want to hear you say it." Tears were brimming in her eyes. When she blinked, one of them fell. Dean reached out and wiped it away. He swore he felt her lean into his touch. "You can say it, sweetheart."

She took a deep, but shaky breath. "It's not my fault," she whispered. Dean smiled softly and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. Again, she leaned into his touch.

"Hm," he hummed. "Good girl."

She sighed in response, and Dean felt the urge to do something much more than kiss her bubble up in his chest. So, he did the only smart thing he could think to do. He moved his hand and stood up from the couch. "Alright," he said, clearing his throat. "I think I'm gonna head out."

"Oh," she pouted, her eyes fluttering open. "Okay. Yeah. Of course. Are, are you sure you're good to drive?"

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Well," she said, standing up from the couch, "you've had whiskey. I didn't know if you were, like, sober enough or whatever." Dean couldn't help the smirk that grew on his face.

"You think I'm drunk after one glass of whiskey?" he asked. She blushed and fiddled with her hands.

"I always am," she said.

"Well, sweetheart," he said with a laugh, "you're quite a bit smaller than I am, aren't you?"

"I'm not small," she quipped back, folding her arms across her chest. Dean chuckled again and took a few steps closer to her, closing the distance between the two of them. She stood at five feet, five inches, and Dean was six-one. Standing in front of him, his chest nearly pressed to hers, she did, in fact, feel quite small.

"I said smaller than me," Dean whispered. She swallowed thickly, and Dean noticed the apples of her cheeks were instantly pink.

"Oh," she breathed out. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm smaller than you. You're right. Sorry." Dean chuckled, and he couldn't help but brush the back of his knuckles against her rosy cheeks. Her lips parted at the contact, and Dean felt her leaned into his touch yet again.

"Don't need to be sorry," he said. "I was just teasing." Her tongue poked out and licked her lips, and Dean dropped his hand.

Fuck me.

When Dean got in his car, he picked up his phone and dialed Bobby's number. Bobby answered on the second ring. Dean was already out of her parking lot and on the road. "Have one of your people track down a Charles Butler," Dean said. "Birthday January 17, '91. Six-one. Brown eyes. Make it an accident, but make it hurt."

"Are we talking a hit or just a scare?" Bobby asked.

Dean pictured the fear in Alice's eyes as the man assaulted her. The way she shook with terror, broke down into sobs, and could barely meet Dean's eyes. His grip on his steering wheel tightened.

"Finish the job."

----- ----- ----- -----

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1055

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Surveys aside, do you use Tumblr for any other reason? Not anymore. I used to have a main blog, but it’s been years since I opened it; this is it (excuse the bad word in the URL lol, I thought it made me look like an edgy teen) but as I got older I used it less and less frequently until I no longer remember the password to log back in. These days I stay on Tumblr precisely because no one really uses it anymore, so it’s the perfect spot to hide this blog in.

2 - Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? Depends on what you mean by a lot; I have all the basic ones - Twitter, IG, Facebook, YouTube, hell I still even have my Snapchat alive lol but I haven’t used it in like three years. I use YouTube the most but I don’t update it per se, like I just use it to watch videos. Facebook I’ve used a lot less often since the breakup, but I’ve shared a handful of posts since September. I’m probably on Twitter the most, but even then my usage hasn’t been the same.

3 - Does it bother you when your socks don’t match? What about your underwear? I don’t care for either situation, especially for underwear. Why would I care about something no one is ever going to see and even think about?

4 - How many times a year do you go on vacation? Do you tend to go to the same places each time? My family plans at least two trips, at least in non-Covid circumstances. We will sometimes repeat provinces but we never repeat hotels or sites, and we seldom repeat cities. The only places I remember visiting more than once are Baguio, Tagaytay, Albay, Subic, and Baler.

5 - How many times did it take you to pass your driving test? Just one. I could not afford to fuck it up; I was at the LTO for 8 hours and was not willing to go through that shitty long wait, so I absolutely had to pass that exam and do my best with the shitty car I had to work with.

6 - When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? Nah they never used my whole name. My mom’s trademark is to add an -ah sound to my name when I’ve done something wrong though, as in Robina lol. That’s a sign I should know I shouldn’t have done what I did, whatever it is.

7 - Which family member do you look like the most? Which one do you resemble the most in terms of personality? People are always shocked to hear my mom is actually my mom and not my sister, because 1) we look very much alike, and 2) she looks young for her age. As for my personality, I’d say I’m a perfect split of my mom and dad. I exhibit an equal amount of traits they both have and I can’t tell which one I act like more.

8 - Have you ever been arrested? Never.

9 - Do you prefer Apple or Android? Apple. Would rather pay more than be stuck with an interface, camera, and emojis that I personally don’t like.

10 - Does getting sweaty or dirty bother you at all? If so, has it ever put you off doing exercise? I don’t sweat a lot, so I really do hate it when I feel beads of sweat on my temples or when the back of my shirt starts to feel damp. It doesn’t have anything to do with my feelings about exercising; I don’t like working out, period.

11 - Have you ever broken a bone? What were the circumstances that led to this happening? Never happened, hope it never happens.

12 - If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be? I wish I didn’t get the hairy gene so that I didn’t have to shave too much; my hair to be a little livelier and bouncier; and my front teeth to be straighter.

13 - When was the last time your computer crashed or froze? is this something that happens often? It must’ve been around a month ago. It just got too busy, so it froze for a few seconds. My laptop’s a trooper and doesn’t crash/freeze a lot.

14 - Do you ever have problems with your sleep? It’s mid-sleep I’ve been having issues with; I get nightmares almost every night. I don’t have a problem falling asleep as I’m able to do so pretty quickly.

15 - What was the last thing you ate for breakfast? Is this a normal breakfast meal for you? Angel sent over a small box of chocolate chip cookies as a Christmas gift so I’ve been enjoying that :) I’m currently having it with warm coffee. My normal breakfast is no breakfast, so this is a treat for me. Before this I also had to eat my leftover Chapaghetti that I couldn’t finish last night.

16 - Have you ever thought about how you want to spend your retirement? That has not come to mind a lot, actually. I think more about death than I do my retirement...but this question tells me I should probably take a few steps back. I’d simply love to live in comfort with the person I end up growing old with. For now, that’s all I see myself wanting.

17 - When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? A little less than 22 years ago; my mom had my ears pierced when I was a few months old. Haven’t gotten any new ones, nor tattoos, since. I’d love to have a couple of tattoos. Some of my ideas are two pawprints for each of my dogs, a plate of nachos, and lyrics that are personally meaningful.

18 - How would you describe your personality? Oof, what a loaded question. Hmm, I guess I’d generally label myself as hardened until I get close with someone? I’ve always kept a wall up and as friendly and extroverted as I can be, I don’t enjoy letting just anyone in. I value my personal and private space, and it’s important that I don’t lose it.

From another angle, I also like to keep doing nice things for other people, even at the expense of my own happiness and comfort. I have to keep making people happy to keep me pleased with myself and the world. Maybe it’s rooted in the fact that I’m the eldest daughter in an Asian family? Idrk, but all I know is that I’ve never had a problem putting other people first.

19 - Have you ever heard of “hygge”? is this something you enjoy or participate in at all? I have no idea what this is and I’ve never come across this word before.

20 - What colour was the last vehicle you travelled in? Does this vehicle belong to you or someone else? White. It’s the car that was given to me for college, but when all is said and done it’s not mine.

21 - Would you describe yourself as healthy? Why or why not? In some senses yes, in other senses no. I don’t exercise or actively watch my diet, and I certainly eat too much junk; so proactively speaking, I’m not super healthy. But generally, my gene pool has been pretty fortunate with health. Other than heart conditions that run in certain branches of the family, we’re relatively a healthy bunch.

22 - Would you describe yourself as messy or organised? Is this something you would like to change? It’s a balance of both. I’m very organized at work so I allow myself to let go in my personal space, like my closet and car. I do clean up from time to time and I still like my space to be neat, but I’m not as neurotic as I normally would be with my workspace.

23 - Do you miss anything about being a teenager? If you are a teenager, what’s your favourite thing about it? The innocence. It was a period of being ideal, being a dreamer, being as romantic about life as I wanted to be. It was also a period where you were allowed to make mistakes, because fucking up when you’re younger lets you off the hook. These are the biggest things I miss, but I don’t really find myself pining for my teenage days. I still like where I am, even if things are realistically a little duller in adulthood.

24 - Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? No. It’s hard to be when your country is shit.

25 - Have you ever had to wear a white lab coat before? Was this in school or for a job? Yeah we had lab coats in Lab class in high school, but they were green. We also needed safety goggles, and if I remember correctly if we had neither of these things we had to sit outside and skip out on the session.

26 - Would you ever want to do the same career(s) as your parents? I can see myself going down somewhere in the secretarial path like my mom as I’m good at organizing things and keeping internal affairs in order, but I don’t know if I would find it fulfilling. But in general, I wouldn’t want to be in the hotel and restaurant industry. I don’t have any attachments to it and I’ve always felt like I belonged in media and communications.

27 - Do you believe in aliens? Is there a reason why (or why not)? Yes. For the most part, it’s more comforting to think and believe that we’re not the only beings around.

28 - Which animated film would you most like to live in? Does it have to be a film? I’d love to be in the Fairly OddParents universe and have fairy godparents of my own.

29 - When was the last time you got into an argument? Have you made up with that person yet? Gab. I don’t know. She’s ignoring me.

30 - What are you going to do now this survey is over? Take another one.

1 - Have you ever had your computer or e-mail hacked? Did anything bad happen as a result? No but I had bad viruses on all of my Windows laptops before. The worst virus I got involved my laptop typing out some long-ass Vietnamese paragraphs for me at the most random times. It was like a horror movie lmao. Every time I Googled the text I never got any leads from it, so I never knew what it meant or what the virus was.

2 - Do you prefer the company of people or animals? I don’t really have a preference when it comes to these two because their companionships are individually different. I like that animals can be playful and sweet; but I also like cracking jokes and having meaningful conversations with people.

3 - Are you a religious person? Were you raised in that faith or did you discover it a later date in life? I was born and raised Catholic, and still legally am. I never saw the appeal of the idea of being saved or of reading the Bible or anything that has to do with Christianity; and the idea of praying was weird to me even from childhood. A lot of Christians/Catholics I know are hypocrites anyway, and to me that says a lot about their mindset when it comes to religion.

4 - When was the last time you went to the beach? What did you do there? August 2019. My friends and I had a day trip to Nasugbu so we could have some fun before the semester started; we mostly swam and caught up with one another. August is a low season so we literally had the beach, the pool, and the poolside bar to ourselves.

5 - With all the COVID restrictions in place, would you feel happy/comfortable travelling abroad right now? Why/why not? I’d be happy, but not comfortable because of the swab test I would have to take hahaha. The selfish part of me is itching to go to other places already. I know my parents would put a million roadblocks to keep me from getting on a plane though, so me traveling is purely theoretical.

6 - How would you describe your dress sense? I like wearing flattering pieces but nothing too flashy or bright. I get items that are currently in style and make sure they match with the rest of my wardrobe, but at the end of the day I still like to blend in with the crowd and avoid neon colors, flashy labels, or whatever it is that would make me stand out.

7 - Do you wait until the sales start before you buy non-essential items? I never really pay attention to sales. It’s led to some pleasant surprises, like the other day when I was looking for a gift for my aunt. There was an H&M purse that caught my eye and it was so pretty, but way above my budget. I decided to get it anyway because that aunt throws amazing Christmas parties over the years and gives us lots of money, so I thought it could would be my way of giving back (especially since her company got hit hard by Covid). Once I got to the cashier the register showed it was like 60% off, even though there were no stickers on it and there was zero promotion anywhere in the store.

8 - What kind of milk do you prefer to drink (if you drink it at all)? I don’t drink milk, but I’m able to consume it in other dishes. I haven’t tried any types other than whole milk.

9 - Do you prefer blonde hair or brunette hair on your preferred sex? I don’t have preferences when it comes to hair color. We’re not really conditioned to consider this factor, since Filipinos have black hair.

10 - Would you be embarrassed to own the same clothing as one of your parents? No. I borrow stuff from my mom all the time. My sister also borrows some of my dad’s t-shirts, at least the ones that can fit her.

11 - When was the last time you wore some kind of fancy dress? Like...a gown? I’m not too sure. It must’ve been Alena’s debut three years ago since that’s the last fancy party I went to.

12 - Do you enjoy dressing up (ie. in suits or smart clothing)? When was the last time you did so? I like dressing up and making myself look cute, but dressing up formally not so much.

13 - What’s worse - being overdressed or underdressed? Personally, underdressed. I’d rather look too prepared than looking as if I didn’t care to look decent for whatever event I’m headed to.

14 - What do you think would be the worst thing about being stuck in solitary confinement? Not having any options or activities to do.

15 - Have you ever owned an unusual or exotic pet? Would you want to? Nope. I would not want to have one. Unusual pet is just a euphemism for animals that shouldn’t be pets.

16 - How old were you when you learned to tie your shoelaces? I was 5 and had to learn it for a test in kindergarten.

17 - Do you enjoy decorating for the holidays? Sure, it makes me feel festive :)

18 - Would you rather go into a restaurant or just go via the drive-through? These days it’s more wise to use the drive-thru, but to be frank I’ve missed dining in. I would opt for the restaurant but make sure to follow safety protocols in the area.

19 - Do you like having your teeth cleaned at the dentist? I’ve actually always found trips to the dentist soothing, even as a kid. The only time I ever really freaked out was when I went last year to have a tooth removed and I was told that I needed an anaesthesia shot on my gums; even then, I didn’t even feel anything when it finally happened.

20 - Have you ever had a gun drawn on you before? Maybe? My cousins and friends and I doodled on each other a lot as kids.

21 - When was the last time you went to a petting zoo? I’ve never been to one and idk if I can go to one.

22 - Do you bite your nails? Could you physically bite your toenails if you stretched enough? Sometimes I’ll gnaw at my nails and then scrape them off. I’ve found it more satisfying than biting them all the way off. I could definitely bite my toenails, but I choose not to.

23 - How old were you when you first started using Tumblr? Have you had the same blog all that time? It wasssssss 2010, so I was 11 at the time. Nah, I deactivated that blog only after a year of using it and then I shifted to a wrestling blog.

24 - Are you a fan of practical jokes? If I’m watching celebrities pull it on another celebrities, yeah. Most of the time I get anxious that the recipient would react negatively, so I don’t watch a lot of pranks.

25 - How many years older and younger than you would you consider dating? Is this a concrete thing or would you make an exception for the right person? It will still depend on the latter condition, of course; but theoretically I would like to keep seeing people my exact age. No more and no less than the year 1998. Growing up with relatives in such close age to me makes me feel like I’d be dating an older cousin if it was someone a year older, and my sister if it was someone a year younger.

26 - Who did you vote for in the last US elections? If you’re not in the US, who would you have voted for? I don’t live in the US; I would have voted for Biden.

27 - Are you a fan of reddit? What are some of your favourite subreddits? Sure. I don’t visit it as much as I used to, but I still go on there when I’m bored and in need of entertaining or educational content. r/AskReddit is a classic fave of mine, but I also go on r/interestingasfuck, r/todayilearned, r/mildlyinteresting, r/dataisbeautiful, r/SquaredCircle, and r/goodmythicalmorning. Sometimes I’ll visit the r/AmItheAsshole sub as well to have some fun lol.

28 - Have you ever watched those YouTube videos of people popping their own spots or zits? Do you find them gross or fascinating? Not those, but I’ve looked up earwax extractions and blackhead removals before.

29 - What’s a food you hated as a kid but love now? How about vice versa? Chicken curry is probably my best example because I’m obsessed with all kinds of curry now, whether it’s Indian butter chicken, Thai green curry, or Japanese curry. I didn’t understand the complex flavors as a kid, but I’m got to appreciate more and more as I got older.

30 - Do you prefer socks, shoes or going bare foot? Idk, I feel like all these choices are useful and convenient in their own different situations? I’m barefoot when I’m at home but put on socks when it’s chilly, and I wear shoes when I’m outdoors.

#survey #surveys

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onthevirgeofdestruction · 4 years

Link

Dreaming While I Wake

Sanders Sides Foster Care AU - Roman-centric Angst & Hurt/Comfort & Abuse Recovery

Roman tries to be upbeat and hopeful despite all the shit that’s happened to him. And a lot of shit has. Luckily, his new foster home is with two literal rays of sunshine (and a sarcastic asshole).

Words: 3,798 Triggers: spoilers Characters: Roman, Thomas, Minor Characters Universe: Dreaming While I Wake Genre: Power Angst

Chapter 12 (Check end notes for trigger warnings)

chapter 1 for new readers - ffn mirror

“I’m not Satan. If I turn off the lights would you open your eyes?” The guy with the nice voice offered. It was strangely charitable for a demon. The beeping rang through Roma’s whole jaw and he could hear it in his bones somehow. Roman’s whole body hurt and honestly less light would be amazing, just as one less thing to deal with alone. But he didn’t understand where this was coming from.

“What?” Roman asked incredulously and the bright glowing light around his arm disappeared. Roman dropped his arm tiredly. That was weirdly nice for hell. Roman slowly opened his eyes. “God damn it, did I survive?” Roman groaned as he looked around the hospital room, a guy in jeans and a floral button-down standing near the door. “That’s not fair,” He moaned in frustration.

A woman stepped in from the hall, and Roman recoiled from the light. That was basically how his life went. One nice thing chased by two shitty things. Ah, normalcy at least.

“A migraine?” The lady in the white coat asked. “You were dehydrated, so that isn’t surprising. How did you end up so dehydrated, Roman?”

“I only just found out I’m not dead, cut me some slack,” Roman frowned and turned his head away. She just hummed at him. Roman huffed through his nose with disdain.

“His charts look fine, and he can probably head home soon, once we get a urine sample and get the clean results we’re expecting. The nurse said he thought he was two years younger? Would you mind telling me again what happened before you couldn’t wake him up?” She asked.

“He had run away at night. The police said they found him at the high school stadium. He had passed out at the station just before we got there to pick him up, according to them,” The guy explained. Roman didn’t run away. What was he talking about? He must have been running for Jet, right? What did she mean, two years younger?

“Did he say why he ran away?” She asked. Roman watched them in confusion.

“No, he didn’t leave a note or take anything but his house key. We argued about his bedtime, but there was no reason I can think of that he would run. He hadn’t slept well the night before so I asked him to go to bed 30 minutes early. It was barely an argument. He seemed miffed but didn’t argue back much. He asked if he could stay up to read and then dropped it. I don’t really know,” The guy said.

“Who the fuck are you?” Roman asked, struggling to follow this conversation. His brain felt like a wet marshmallow.

“I’m your ER doctor, Dr. Veronica,” She said, looking to Roman.

“No, the dude who is claiming to know me,” Roman weakly pointed to the guy in the floral shirt.

“I’m Thomas Sanders, your foster father,” He claimed.

“My foster father is James Hall,” Roman retorted. “I have no idea who this dude is,” Roman motioned again towards him.

“Please calm down and try to rest, Mr. Reinhart,” The doctor lady said placatingly.

“Was he stressed about something in particular?” The Veronica one asked.

“Homework, maybe? Lack of sleep? He joked about wanting to kill himself, and that was concerning. We had asked before if he wanted to see a therapist and my spouse said he had an anxiety attack just bringing it up,” The Thomas guy shuffled and rubbed his arm awkwardly.

“Would you mind answering a few questions for me, Mr. Sanders? About Roman’s moods?” She asked and started tapping around on a tablet in a giant protector.

“I can try,” Thomas said, sounding unsure. Does he mean try to guess?

“Does he often have memory problems?” She asked. Why is she asking this freaking stranger when he was sitting right here?

“I don’t think so,” Thomas replied, still uncertain. Yeah, why would he know?

“How is his self-image?” She asked, not looking up from the tablet now.

“Not great, I think, we haven’t had a chance to talk about it yet,” Thomas rubbed his arm.

“Does he seem interested in his hobbies?” Dr. Veronica continued on. Maybe she was working off on a list on the tablet? This was getting really annoying.

“He looks just as happy doing homework as he does playing video games. But he still seems to want to play them,” Thomas shrugged.

“I don’t appreciate you talking about me like I’m not here,” Roman interjected bitterly.

“You can chime in if you want, Mr. Reinhart. Just try to stay calm,” She said, sounding surprisingly soft despite his outburst. “Does he always act on guard?” Dr. Veronica asked another question.

“Yeah, all the time. He’s jumpy about loud noises and people touching him,” Thomas said, gesturing slightly.

“Who isn’t?” Roman shot angrily.

“So he’s also easily frightened, then?” Dr. Veronica added, clicking something else.

“Rude,” Roman huffed. He was used to adults ignoring him, but this was kind of ridiculous.

“Yes, I’d say so,” Thomas said thoughtfully.

“Any trouble sleeping?” Dr. Veronica continued tapping on the tablet.

“Yes, that one is obvious. He nearly passed out in his breakfast this morning. He’s hard to wake up, in general,” Thomas furrowed his eyebrows. Roman shifted uncomfortably. He wished they’d close the door to the hall to drop the light in here again.

“I don’t know how he knows that,” Roman rubbed his forehead and tried to drop the painful tension.

“How about difficulty concentrating?” Dr. Veronica asked.

“I think he probably concentrates too hard, if anything,” Thomas shook his head. Roman couldn’t concentrate for shit, so he had no idea where that answer came from.

“I disagree,” Roman scoffed.

“Any irritability or angry outbursts?” She furrowed her eyebrows.

“My spouse said he’s seen some,” Thomas said, sounding uncertain.

“Expressed any feelings of guilt or shame?” She asked, continuing down her list. Yeah, but he couldn’t say it. Roman looked at them nervously, hoping they didn’t notice his weak spot. Thomas continued to look to the doctor, and she kept looking at the tablet and Roman was a little relieved.

“He had a panic attack when we bought him a phone, so I’d say very much. He was really guilty about us spending money on him,” Thomas nodded. This was moving from upsetting to kind of creepy. And threatening. This Thomas guy knew too much.

“Does he have any difficulty expressing emotions?” She nodded.

“No, not that I’ve seen,” Thomas shook her head. Maybe sometimes he did.

“Any trouble maintaining close relationships?” Dr. Veronica seemed a little confused.

“We haven’t had him that long, I don’t think he has any right now, honestly. He’d never mentioned friends or anything,” Thomas said. It was probably just Jet, honestly. They didn’t need to know any more about him, though.

“How about hopelessness?” Dr. Veronica nodded again. Roman felt like he was running on hope, but that’s another thing he couldn’t bring himself to say. Roman weakly gripped the light blanket draped over him.

“I told you he joked about wanting to kill himself, right? He was very blase about the whole thing,” Thomas sounded frustrated.

“Right, right,” She stared at the tablet and clicked around more.

“Life’s hard, who wants to live it anyway?” Roman said flippantly and paused. Dr. Veronica asked nothing else, just kept tapping on her tablet. “Are we finally done with talk about Roman like he isn’t here time?” Roman asked defensively. He couldn’t let himself be confused and vulnerable any longer. “I’m not looking forward to going back to the Halls, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think I’m legally supposed to be here without them knowing? Also, please tell me there’s financial aid, because I know I can’t afford a fucking ER visit,” Roman said angrily.

“Did the Halls make you pay for everything, Roman?” Thomas asked, looking concerned.

“Yeah, of course, they do. That’s how society works. That’s why I have a job,” Roman said dismissively.

“What do you do for your job?” Thomas asked curiously.

“Who cares?” Roman huffed, looking at the tube in his arm. “What’s in the bag?”

“Just some water, you were dehydrated when Thomas brought you in,” Dr. Veronica said. “Does he often deflect questions like that?” She asked.

“Patton said he changes the subject often when they talk,” Thomas provided and gestured with his hand.

“Patton’s a liar, whoever they are,” Roman shot angrily.

“Roman, what do you think you got arrested for?” Thomas asked, sounding annoyed.

“I know my rights,” Roman hissed and shot a pissed look at Thomas.

“Try not to upset him, Mr. Sanders,” Dr. Veronica scolded him. Finally. “I think he might be having a regressive episode from stress. I’m making up a referral for a psychiatrist for him,”

“I thought it had something to do with this,” Thomas said, sounding very concerned and motioning to Roman.

“I would have said nothing in the first place if I had any idea I wasn’t dead, I assure you!” Roman glowered at them, but moving his face like that hurt his head and he couldn’t hold it for very long. He tried to breathe through the pain like he always did and gave up with emoting completely.

“Roman, how do you feel about the police?” Thomas asked Roman pointedly.

“Police are bad, duh,” Roman huffed he would have crossed his arms if he had the energy, so he just rolled his head away from the light.

“So it’s fair to say that they stress you out a significant amount?” Dr. Veronica asked, sounding interested.

“I’ve had a gun to my face, and that was less ‘stressful’ than being in the police station, why do you think I thought I died? It felt like my heart fuckin’ exploded,” Roman grumbled, not moving much.

“What in the world-” Thomas shot, but the doctor lady shook her head, and he stopped himself.

“I think it’s best to let him calm down to see if he comes back. It would be advisable to avoid any media with imagery of law enforcement in it for now. I’m glad we could find his trigger. But I’m not a mental health specialist. You can pick up the referral for a psychiatrist at the front desk. We don’t perform mental health here, we’re just trying to make sure he’s doesn’t need any other urgent care. Do you have to use the restroom, Roman?” The doctor explained. He didn’t entirely follow until she mentioned using the restroom.

“Uh, yeah,” Roman muttered. He really did, now that he was thinking about it.

“I’ll need a urine sample. My nurse will be right back to help you,” Dr. Veronica said with a brief nod and turned to leave the room.

“I don’t need help to use the restroom,” Roman grumbled.

“Is there something you’d like to do after they release you?” Thomas asked, walking closer to the bed.

“You’re not my freakin’ legal guardian, why would I go with you?” Roman asked. “Are you some kind of pervert or something?” Roman accused blithely. Thomas looked shocked.

“No! The doctors are talking to me because I am currently your legal guardian. You’re not at the Halls anymore. And that sounds like that is a good thing,” Thomas explained, sounding concerned. The other lady came back in. So she was a nurse and not a she-demon. Roman felt pretty fucking stupid right now. Of course he wasn’t dead. That would be too easy. Just some fun new way to embarrass himself.

“Do you need help to use the restroom, Mr. Reinhart? Do you feel safe walking? We’ve cleaned and bandaged the cuts on your feet, but some were deep it’s best to be careful walking on them for now,” The nurse lady asked.

“Sorry for calling you a she-demon, ma’am,” Roman muttered apologetically.

“It’s all right, I thought it was pretty funny, honestly. Let me help you out of bed and you can tell me how safe you feel about walking lightly,” She offered. Roman nodded, and the nurse reached over to disconnect the tube from the needle in his arm. She helped Roman reposition himself on the bed and carefully helped him up. He was very shaky on his feet and everything hurt like hell, but he felt okay enough.

“I’ll be okay,” Roman said. The nurse led him to the bathroom doorway, anyway. She handed him a cup with a lid and his name on a label. Roman’s first step into the bathroom without her was wobbly, but he was all right after that. He handed over the filled cup, feeling pretty embarrassed about it, and she took it down the hall after helping him back into the room. Roman sat back down on the bed and eyeballed Thomas.

“What time is it?” Roman asked.

“It’s around 10 o’clock,” Thomas offered, glancing at his phone. Roman didn’t recognize the model, so it must be nice. Maybe the guy was rich. Roman briefly considered pinching his wallet, but still hated the idea. Wait, 10 am?

“Shit, what about school?” Roman asked, starting to panic.

“We’ve called you out sick already, don’t worry about it,” Thomas said, motioning with his hands to calm down. “We can’t leave until they get all your test results back, anyway,” Thomas added, sitting down on some chairs near the bed. “Are you hungry? We could go out for lunch,” Roman patted his pants to check the contents, feeling out of it.

“I, uh, don’t have my wallet,” Roman said sheepishly. He looked down, realizing he wasn’t in all black like he would have been if he were running for Jet. Shit, were they not lying to him? Roman grabbed his chest and took a sharp breath, his eyes shooting around the room again.

“Roman, hey, hey, calm down. You don’t have to pay for lunch. We don’t have to go out to eat at all,” Thomas said, getting up and getting closer to him. Roman shifted suddenly back into the bed, hitting the rails on the other side of the hospital bed and hissing slightly in pain. He clenched his fists tightly around the pajama pant material and tried to breathe.

“Am… am I really not with the Hall’s anymore?” Roman whispered, looking desperately up at Thomas.

“You’re really not at the Hall’s anymore,” Thomas nodded. “Um, did you want to see a video of our dog trying to attack her own shadow?” Thomas offered, holding up his phone with a video paused of a brown and white dog looking absolutely pissed at the floor. Roman nodded, interested in anything other than trying not to freak out any further. He was in a hospital and if he had a fit right now it would be bad. Thomas handed over the phone and tapped the screen, and the sounds of a dog barking and growling at its shadow on the floor started playing. When the video stopped, Thomas flipped to the next one. The dog was chasing its tail in the grass while Roman’s breathing settled down. Roman watched a few more videos of dog antics quietly.

“Are you feeling any better?” Thomas asked after the 5th or so video. Roman nodded slightly and moved to lay back on the hospital bed. He was really, excessively exhausted. He yanked the blanket back up higher and Thomas moved to sit back down on the chairs again. Roman closed his eyes and exhaled. If he was lucky, he could just sleep instead of letting himself focus on any of this awfulness. He started to curl up on his side, but the pressure on his ribs really hurt, so he shifted to ball up some blanket to hold and tried to sleep like that instead.

—

“Hey, Roman, we need to clear out of here,” Thomas said, surprisingly close to Roman’s face. Roman’s breath hitched as he opened his eyes suddenly from the close voice. “It’s okay, it’s just me, I’ll give you your space,” Thomas said, backing up slightly. “Your tests came back clear and they need the bed,” Roman rubbed his eyes and nodded. Why the fuck was he in the hospital? Ugh, the smell alone was enough for bad memories to come flooding back. Roman noticed the needle in his arm and tried to remember what happened, but his brain felt really fuzzy and he was just so tired. At least he was already getting out of here. He hated hospitals. The less time in them, the better.

“Let me get that out of you,” The nurse smiled and took Roman’s arm. She undid the tape and carefully slid out the needle. It felt incredibly wrong. She pressed a cotton ball to the puncture and guided Roman’s hand to apply pressure to it. She wrapped it up and gave him a small smile. “Remember to keep the feet elevated, clean, and dry while they’re healing,” She gave a small wave before leaving the room.

He tried to roll over to get off the bed since there were rails in the way on the other side, and he inhaled sharply when he landed on his other side. Everything hurt, but that one really took the cake. What the fuck was up with his ribs? Roman shifted to sit up carefully. He pulled up his shirt to check if he could see anything wrong, and there was a pale greenish mark on his side.

“Jesus, where did this come from?” Roman exclaimed quietly, inspecting the bruise. Thomas turned to look, and then quickly leaned out into the hall.

“Excuse me, Dr. Veronica?” He called, waving into the hall.

“How can I help, Mr. Sanders?” She asked, walking back into the room.

“Roman has a bad large bruise over his ribs he doesn’t remember getting, would you mind checking it? It looks really bad.” Thomas asked, pointing to Roman who still had his shirt up, trying to figure out what happened.

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to touch it,” She said, hovering her hand over the spot. Roman nodded, and his breath hitched on contact. It really hurt like a bitch. “Would you take a deep breath for me, Roman?” Roman nodded and started inhaling. “Fill your lungs completely and hold it,” She instructed. It hurt too much and Roman flinched, having to stop.

“Sorry,” He muttered.

“Would you say it hurts to breathe?” She asked.

“Kinda,” Roman said, his face scrunching up when she started touching around it again.

“Nothing feels broken, and ‘kinda’ hurts means it’s likely not badly fractured. I’ll send you an ice pack for it, and if it continues to be concerning tomorrow, schedule an appointment for an x-ray. You can grab the ice pack the front desk,” She said, heading back out of the room. Roman sighed and dropped his shirt. He’s done some dumb shit in his day but he hadn’t gotten a bruise like this in a long time. At least not without getting his ass beat, anyway. It was actually pretty familiar looking. Thomas rolled a wheelchair up to the bed and motioned for him to get on.

Roman got up, slightly unsteady, and sat in the wheelchair. He was in a hospital and didn’t feel like questioning why he needed a wheelchair. His feet did hurt like shit. Roman looked down at them. The hospital booties were weird. Thomas pushed him out of the hospital room and down the hall. He wasn’t completely sure how he got here, but he vaguely remembered small parts of it before he fell asleep. He was still extremely drowsy and struggling to concentrate. He must have done something amazingly dumb. It hurt his head to try to remember, so Roman just gave up. His head was already killing him. They passed a nurse in the hall who handed him an ice pack out of nowhere before exiting to the lobby, and Roman pressed it gently to his bruise. They were efficient here.

Thomas stopped off at the front desk before pushing Roman outside. He stopped the wheelchair and waved before jogging off into the parking lot to go get his car, probably. Roman waited numbly. He didn’t know what was going on and wasn’t even sure he wanted to. Being in a hospital was awful enough without all the pain. If he wasn’t so numb he’d probably be relieved he couldn’t think straight or feel much since at least he wasn’t freaking out about being here that badly. Just awful flashes of memories to fight off. Thomas’s car pulled up, and he got out and jogged around to push Roman up and help him into the car before Roman could pull himself up. He sat in the idling car while Thomas pushed the wheelchair back inside, waiting for Thomas to return. He was so fucking tired. Thomas came back with a little smile and started driving away. They drove in silence for a while. Roman had no idea what to say. Or if he should say anything.

“Are you doing okay, Roman?” Thomas asked after a bit while they waited at a red light.

“I’m sorry,” Roman mumbled. “I don’t know what happened, but I must have f-messed up really, really bad to end up in a hospital,” Roman said, feeling just as empty. He laid motionless against the seat and watched the road.

“I can’t say I’m entirely sure what happened, either, but you don’t have to be sorry. Do you remember me now?” Thomas asked, sounding concerned.

“Huh?” Roman looked oddly at Thomas.

“Do you remember me and Patton and Virgil?” Thomas asked again.

“… Yeah?” Roman rolled his head to face Thomas. “Should I not?”

“No, no, it’s good. Would you rather go out to eat or eat at home?” Thomas asked. Roman was too tired to cook, honestly. He couldn’t even imagine standing up for more than 2 minutes right now.

“Which one lets me go back to bed faster?” Roman asked blankly. He was ready to pass out this instant.

“I’ll get you some drive-through and you can go back to bed as soon as you get home if you like,” Thomas offered.

“Whatever,” Roman closed his eyes.

“Is there anything you want?” Thomas asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

“I literally could not care less if I even ate,” Roman sighed. He was feeling a little dizzy instead of nothing now. He wanted the nothing back.

“You asked for tacos before, does a burrito or something sound good?” Thomas suggested, sounding hopeful. Roman was too tired to think straight, much less eat.

“Whatever floats your boat,” Roman said dismissively. He was getting even dizzier now. Ugh. Make it stop.

taglist: @bunny222 @elizabutgayer @prinxietyforever

#tsss #sanders sides #tsss fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #tsss fanfic #dreaming while i wake #ayri writes #ts roman #roman angst #ts roman angst #hospitals #doctors #examination #ts character thomas #suicidal ideation #food #fanficiton #angst #power angst

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renardsnoir · 4 years

Text

Fire Corner

Arthur @thalsianiii (I hope you appreciate it, I apologize for the mistakes. English is not my native language XD).

Approaching in the fire, Arthur grabs some wood to throw it to the flames, he comes to sit on one of the four logs placed around it. His gaze is lost in the dancing flames, the crackling of the burning wood accompanies the sounds of the forest around them. It had been a good day, really good, both fishing and hunting were prolific, thanks to Iseult's advice. Arthur had good reserves, should bad days come in the future.

Thinking of Iseult, he raised his head to look up at her, and she poured the disinfectant into a small basin before dipping her piece of cloth into it. Iseult notices the look on her, she smiles and gestures with her hand. She approaches him, the cloth in one hand and the small basin in the other, a basin that she places at his feet before sitting down next to him.

- Arthur? Could you show me your left arm, please? I warn you, this might sting a bit.

He shows her his arm, covered with very slight scratches, and she carefully taps his slight cuts with the cloth. As she told him, he feels a slight tingling sensation, it's not pain and Arthur has no particular reaction. By Iseult, makes a similar strange expression when you give something to eat, too acidic for a cat. Her nose is turned up, her eyes wrinkle and she makes a strange smile. A strange expression, which does not leave Arthur indifferent, he stares at her, at the same time perplexed but also somewhat amused. He even fails to start laughing, he looks away to resist having a powerful laugh. His reaction intrigues Iseult, she tilts her head to the side while maintaining the same expression.

- What are you laughing at, Arthur? Is there something funny, a joke, or have you seen something funny?

Seen something funny? It is indeed the case, nevertheless he quickly waves his free hand while holding back from laughing, after a few seconds he finally regains his calm. He breathes a sigh and looks at her again with a more serious look. The cuts are certainly small, but in the wilderness, the slightest small wound can easily become infected and thus become quite a problem if it is not treated properly.

- Arthur. I wanted to apologize for what happened a few hours ago. In the rush, I didn't see...

She speaks calmly, but Arthur hears a slight tremor in her voice, revealing a certain nervousness and fear coming from her. As he lowered his gaze, he noticed that the hand holding the tea towel was also trembling, it was just as discreet but it was visible. Arthur grabs her wrist, surprised Iseult freezes completely and releases the rag which falls directly into the basin.

- Hey... don't worry about it. It's not a problem, I don't break anything...

- Yes. That's the most important thing.

Arthur gives her a smile, to which Iseult responds with a slight blush on her cheeks, and she looks away. She brings a lock of hair behind her ear, bending down to retrieve her tea towel, she displays a tiny smile. But she remains nervous, even if he was only slightly injured, Iseult will always be stressed, what worries her is the cuts on his chest. There's nothing particularly serious, but they still need to be treated.

- You know what I mean? Everything that's happened reminds me of my very first hunt. It was with my uncle and my father who decided to organize it, I must have been about 4 years old. During the whole day we had to follow the tracks of a giant boar, it was about mid-afternoon that my uncle had the brilliant idea that we formed two groups.The first one was my father and me, the second one was formed by my uncle himself, it was after about two hours that my father and I felt the ground shake and then there was a huge explosion. And you know what we saw flying in an arc over the pine trees?

Arthur shook his head silently. Iseult accompanies her story by waving her arms and hands, as if she were reliving that moment again, she even misses laughing several times. But she always ends up resisting the temptation to laugh.

- It was my uncle and the boar, they were both falling into an old trap that a troll had placed there. And while it was flying, my uncle yelled at us: "I found the boar ! It's right behind me!!! "Then he fell back down and of course we saw or rather heard the boar screaming before we saw him and he followed the same path as my uncle. Without really knowing why, my father and I remained silent for many seconds before bursting out laughing. The situation was so unlikely! It took us a good 30 minutes before we were able to reach him, fortunately he was fine when he landed, he just had time to get out of the way before the boar crashed to the ground.

She raises her head to the starry sky and looks up at the stars shining on this clear, cloudless night.It is a beautiful night, a night like Iseult loves them, Arthur sees a smile on her lips. It is a beautiful night, a night like Iseult loves them, Arthur sees a smile on her lips.

- Oh by Hanel, we laughed so much at that story, I remember it well... Well!

She claps her hands vigorously, her attention is drawn back to Arthur.

- Arthur? Take off that shirt with the holes in it, when I've finished treating you. I'll sew your garment back on, to make it new again, like the first day.

While he's undoing his shirt, Iseult takes out a sewing bag and prepares the needles and threads. When she sees the gashes on his chest, she makes big eyes like a dead fish and swells her cheeks like a hamster, Iseult shakes her head several times. She finally lets out a deep sigh, she whispers something, Arthur can't hear what she's saying, she talks too low for him to hear anything. She glances at the rag floating in the basin, Iseult thinks she might need a slightly bigger rag and a bigger basin. But in the end, Iseult dips her hands in to disinfect them before she throws it away, another idea came to her mind.

- Arthur! Change of plans! I've got another idea, it'll be much quicker!

Not one, not two before he can say or do anything, he finds himself with Iseult sitting on his lap. And with her hands resting against his chest, a small shiver runs down his back as his fingers carefully slide around his cuts. They're light, shallow and few in number, but broad. Her gaze changes from a soft look to something more serious, her lips open, they move quickly so that she can whisper something again, without him being able to understand.

Her fingers light up with a faint glow, this faint light is also accompanied by a feeling of warmth that replaces the coolness, which he could feel until now.

The same warmth that can be felt after the cold of a cold winter night, the same warmth that comes from the first rays of a sun that has just risen. A reassuring warmth. A pleasant, gentle warmth. A feeling of warmth that spreads throughout his body, he closes his eyes and without realizing it he lets out a deep sigh.

It's a shame, he didn't have time to enjoy it, it didn't last as long as he might have thought. Arthur feels Iseult's hands, she glides her fingers through his beard, giggling softly.

- Arthur? Are you hungry?

He doesn't have time to answer her, let her jump from his lap, enthusiastic she is already preparing four fish skewers, she carefully places them near the flames. Just access close so that it can cook, but access far away so that the food doesn't catch fire. She picks up the shirt she keeps with her, out of her Iseult bag a large animal skin comes out, which she places on Arthur's shoulders, she has one of those looks that says: "I don't want you to catch cold".

While she is repairing her shirt, Iseult casts little glances from time to time to press the scar on Arthur's face, from the first time they met. She has always been intrigued to find out where it came from, but she hasn't yet found the courage to ask him, Iseult finds it somewhat rude. When she finds the right moment, Iseult will ask him about it in due course. Anyway, it's without counting on Arthur, he's noticed her looks.

-It was a wolf that did this to me.

He patted his scar by staring at her, his spontaneity greatly surprised Iseult. Silence settles in between them, it is nevertheless broken by the cries of an owl, the wind in the branches of the trees and the crackling of the wood that is being devoured by the flames. Arthur carefully pulls one of the skewers from the fire and blows gently on it before starting to eat. The cooking is perfect, the flesh of the fish is neither too soft nor too hard, prepare in advance Iseult to remove the bones present. Without really understanding why, an old memory comes to the surface and Iseult chuckles in her corner like a child who has done something stupid. A giggle that quickly turns into a giggle, she waves her hands in front of her and her head tilts backwards, it takes about two good minutes before she regains her calm, two good minutes when Arthur stares at her with perplexity. With one hand on her panting chest, she sighs softly and glances in hisdirection, he has already finished the second skewer.

- I have to tell you something really fun! I'm not sure why, but I want to share with you some little moments of my life.

Iseult puts the shirt and the sewing equipment behind her, she comes and sits down next to him, in her eyes shines a gleam of excitement. An excitement similar to a child who has seen something incredible and really wants to share it with everyone.

- When I was a child, Tristan wanted to prove his strength to other boys and for that he had a good idea, a very good idea... And you know what he did?

With his mouth full, he slowly shook his head in response.

- You can see on the local market place, there is a huge 100kg bell made of dark iron, but really huge something really massive. And Tristan wanted to hit it, it's already a very bad idea, not with his fist but with his head... the bell has a nice ringing sound.

It takes a while for the information to reach his brain, Arthur looks at her speechless, incredulous. Incredulous in the face of such stupidity, it's too good to be true, really too good. He leans slightly forward, his gaze doesn't leave Iseult.

- Wait, wait... Wait a minute, he really did that? I mean, did he really head-butt that bell? For real, isn't that bullshit?

Cheeks swelling up like a hamster she's clearly holding back from laughing, Iseult's a slow learner. After a few seconds of silence, that's all it takes for him and her to burst into a common laugh, to laugh out loud at this stupid gesture.In the momentum of his laughter, Arthur hits his thigh several times with the flat of his hand, he even tilts backwards, head up and tears in his eyes. Iseult stood on her stomach, her body is shaken by tremors, she almost falls to the ground. They laughed like that for long minutes.

- And you know what, Arthur? Afterwards he came to me and said, "Isolde, I'm not feeling too well. " And I said, "Of course you don't feel well! You just head-butted a bell. You thought you wouldn't get hurt?! »

He's laughing again. Iseult watches him laugh. His reaction makes her smile, a little distracted smile that she hides by lowering her head.

- Arthur? I enjoy your company. I like spending time with you. It's very pleasant, you're calm and gentle. I don't know about you, but... But I must admit, it makes you look cute...

Iseult pulls a lock of her hair back into her bun, she looks at him from the corner of her eye, her little smile on her lips and a hand against her chest.

- I mean it, you're a good man. Your presence is reassuring and I'm glad to have met you, Arthur.

Listening to him speak, Arthur stopped laughing, it was in silence that he listened and watched Iseult speak, he didn't interrupt her he just listened in silence. Seeing this silence, she let out a little nervous and embarrassed giggle.

- I'm sorry, Arthur. It just... It just came out, I forget sometimes I'm a little too direct with people.

Iseult suddenly feels a little silly, maybe she shouldn't have said that. She looks away and goes back to her sewing, she immerses herself in her activity. She picks up her shirt again with disconcerting speed, she doesn't even notice when he calls her or waves to her. But she stops, when he faces her and puts a hand on her shoulder calling her again. Iseult then raises her head in his direction, her gaze plunges into his, she regains her usual calm.

- Hey. It's okay, I'm just...

- Surprised? Confused? That I could think that about you?

He looks down for a few seconds before nodding silently, his hand resting on her shoulder. She lifts her chin, he lets himself go, he accompanies the movement of her hand, so that they face each other again. Iseult gives her a smile, a small shy smile, her hand slides against his cheek, her fingers this ballad through his beard and the other rests hesitantly on his chest.

- Oh Arthur...

Iseult pronounces his name with gentleness and delicacy, she pronounces syllables by syllables. To his ears, her voice resounds like a pleasant murmur, Arthur helps himself with his free hand to lean against the trunk, so he straightens up to regain his balance. With his other hand, he slides it along Iseult's body, even through her dress, he feels her generous curves. Iseult offers no particular resistance, she lets him do it completely. Arriving at the level of her lower back, he hears her breathe a little sigh, Arthur gently pushes her to bring her back slowly towards him, he sees her cheeks turning a light red. Closer to her, he feels her perfume is sweet, a sweet mixture of fresh roses and honey, even closer to her he feels her breath on his lips. He's so close to being able to kiss her...

Just as he is about to kiss her, a strange noise makes Iseult move backwards, she moves away from him a good way back, her ears pricked upright scanning the noises around them. In the rush, Arthur almost falls forward, he is just catching up. After a few moments, Iseult regains his calm again and she comes to sit next to him again, she notices a box on the floor. Iseult wrinkles her eyes in perplexity, before she understands and remembers it.

-Oh yes!! Arthur, I wanted to give you something !!

She shakes the box in her hands, before he can even say anything, and especially before he can say anything about what was going on in the past. Let Iseult put the box in his hands, and in the light of the flames it will give a better view of the object in question. A small chest in dark pine, whose lock and handles are as golden as gold, the lid is even adorned with pretty decorations. As he slips his fingertips, he notices the sound of the engravings marking the wood, as he lifts the lid. Arthur discovers three small vials of three different colours: red, yellow and green, with a small brown leather notebook and bound with lines of linen.

- Since you live alone, I thought it might be a good idea to prepare some potions. The red one is for healing your wounds, the yellow one is for poisoning and the green one is for healing diseases. You don't need to drink a lot of it to make it work, just a short sip. You don't have to drink it all for it to work. You don't need to worry, the vials and the box are really resistant, even if you drop them it won't break them.

During all her explanations, Iseult shows him each of the vials, she even explains to him the usefulness of the little notebook which is just there to remind him of the usefulness of each vial. She wants to make sure she doesn't forget, Arthur looks at the little vials for long seconds in silence, when he comes in and opens his mouth, Iseult puts her hands on his.

- Look, Arthur, I just don't want you to die stupidly. So please, keep the box, all right?

She looks at him with big wet eyes like a sad little puppy dog and floppy ears, Iseult squeezes her hands lightly. After a few seconds he ends up nodding his head, to make her understand that he accepts, he can always keep the box and not touch it if he wants. Happy Iseult gives him a broad smile before kissing him on the cheek, the rest of the night they exchange various stories and anecdotes.

#Iseult #arthur #story #fire corner #writing #thalsianiii

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discotreque · 4 years

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Picard 1.10: Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 2

I don't really do predictions or theories when I'm watching something. Partly because I prefer to go along for the ride while it's happening and wait to judge with the benefit of hindsight, but mainly because I'm very bad at it.

Anyway, let's discuss Episode 10 of Picard, in which a bunch of things happen that I would have sworn up and down were never going to happen, and a bunch of things I thought would for sure happen did not.

Spoilers for the season finale:

I think I feel about Picard S1 the same way I feel about Discovery so far: I like every single thing about it more than the writing. The casting is great, the actors are pretty much all superb, I'm horny as hell for the production design, the VFX are the best I've ever seen on television, I absolutely love Jeff Russo's music...

...and the scripts are, you know, fine. Mostly fine. Moments of excellence, no doubt, especially at the level of individual lines and scenes, but overall? New TV Trek has yet to pull off a complete season-story that really impressed me. (I have reasons for extremely high hopes re: Disco S3, but I will save them for another post.)

With all of that said: I didn't come here for the writing. I wanted to spend time with my old friend Jean-Luc Picard at the end of the 24th century, and I got it. The rest is gravy. Not, like, the awesome gravy my sister makes at Thanksgiving; decent B+ restaurant gravy. I'm still gonna dip my fries in it.

"To say you have no choice is a failure of imagination." The first great Picard line of the episode, but not the last.

Blah blah Romulan incest siblings blah blah blah. They couldn't have mentioned sooner that Narek was the family fuck-up or whatever? He would have been like 6% less boring.

Raffi and Rios constantly, lovingly dunking on each other is one of my favourite dynamics on this show.

Okay I was just joking last week about Saga's whole brain being in her eyeball but the fact that the damage to her eye fucked up her memories...

Why are they sitting outside the ship having a campfire? Isn't the ship basically fine? Why not hang out inside?

"The Thousand Days of Pain" is the name of my metal band.

Agnes using Saga's ripped-out eye to bypass the scanner had big Minority Report energy. Thank god she didn't have to chase it down a ramp while it rolled away from her.

"The way that children learn most things: by example."

RSVP Sutra, the only interestingly-written villain in this entire season. Tamlyn Tomita is super duper watchable as Commodore Oh/General Nedar (and looking fiiiine in that black uniform), but she has no personality or motivation beyond "grr, robots bad." Sutra lives in a society that's mostly twins, but her twin sister was fucking murdered. Obviously I don't agree with her actions, but I understood and cared about her motivations, which is more than I can say for any of the Romulans.

All those exterior shots of La Sirena wobbling through space with Picard at the helm were adorable.

We literally never see Narek again after the androids take him away. I hope they just threw him in a dumpster. Bye bitch.

Seven didn't do a ton of hand-to-hand combat on VOY, and she sure didn't fight like this. Jeri Ryan moves like she's heavy, like her bones are made of metal, like she's still full of dense Borg technology. She practically lumbers around, using her limbs like clubs; Peyton List bounces off her like she's hitting a solid steel wall. It's excellent choreography and so well executed by both women (and presumably their stunt doubles).

GET FUCKED, RIZZO. You were barely interesting enough to hate, but I did hate you.

"'The Picard Maneuver.' Wait, that's actually a thing, isn't it?" Ell oh ell.

Loved the way the Romulan ships' disruptors sizzled and crackled when they were powering up.

What was wrong with Planetary Sterilization Patterns 1 through 4?

That motherfucking fanfare when the Starfleet ships came in. Awwww yeah.

ACTING CAPTAIN WILL RIKER. Still kinda wish it had been Worf on the Entrepreneur, though, because I'm greedy: we already saw Riker!

I do have my problems with the writing, but I loved the way they resolved the three-way standoff between the Romulans, Starfleet, and the ch'khalagu: not with an epic space battle, but with diplomacy and self-sacrifice and trust in the essential goodness of each other. (Plus, I guess, the threat of an epic space battle.) It was so perfectly TNG in so many ways.

All the Riker stuff was so fan-servicey. Which I'm mostly fine with: I'm a fan, after all, and I like to be serviced from time to time. But it felt a little like one slice too many of chocolate cake.

I wish the tips of the tentacles had got cut off when the portal closed. That would have been cooler, right?

What can I say about watching Jean-Luc Picard die. He's been my captain for 30 years. I physically fucking felt it. And making an android copy of him, while awesome, did not really diminish the emotional impact.

On a lighter note, I need to know what Jeri and Santiago were actually drinking in that scene, because it straight-up looked like soap. Yuck.

I also really like the dynamic between Rios and Seven. They both act a little harder than they are, and I think they see through each other's acts, but there's enough mutual respect (and self-interest) there to let each other get away with it. And no romantic tension whatsoever. Delightful.

I want to hug all of them so much :(

The blank grey surface of everything in the simulation was very creepy.

Oh Data. Oh, Data. My heart was already aching and then...

Listen. Like a fucking idiot, I went and saw Nemesis on opening night. I don't even remember what I was expecting, but I do remember walking out of the theatre with my friend and agreeing never to speak of it again. Data died, but the movie was so shitty I could barely feel anything about it. This episode gave me the emotional closure I've been waiting for since December 13, 2002.

It's also, if you think about it, a pretty hilarious "fuck you" to Nemesis in general: "You guys did such a bad job of killing Data we had to bring him back to life just so we could kill him properly."

They've been slightly aging-up Patrick Stewart all season. I stopped noticing it after a while, so seeing him without it at the end was quite a shock.

"You... you haven't made me immortal?!" "Relax, man. Everyone was paying attention." Okay, Altan can stay.

Speaking of ol’ A.I., can't he just make another golem for himself? Was there something unique about the one they put Picard in?

I thought I recognized the voice of the woman singing "Blue Skies" on my first watch, but I couldn't place her. Turns out that was Isa Briones herself, which meant I cried even harder the second time through.

"And our little life is rounded with a sleep." Goodbye, Data.

Seven and Raffi???????

SEVEN AND RAFFI?????????????

And once again, Jeff Russo ends the season with a mash-up of the old theme and the new one. Give my man another Emmy! Give him two!

God damn. What a ride. Let me climb into my clown shoes for one last shitty prediction. I think next season is going to be what I wanted from this season: Picard and his motley crew of rogues bopping around the galaxy having roguish adventures. Fingers crossed!

And thanks for reading. Star Trek is always more fun with friends.

#star trek picard #star trek picard spoilers #picard spoilers #amy's episode notes

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miss-anna-banana-blog · 4 years

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I never thought I’ll be writing something like this, specifically the part of exposing myself in front of the people who follow me + the ones who don’t but still are checking up all the time. These pictures take me back to summer 2017. The worst year of my entire life. You couldn’t tell of course because I made sure no one wouldn’t be capable of noticing these kind of things. I posted positive, happy and silly things and I “became the best version of me” lmao. Now I can finally admit that was some huge ass bullshit and I’m mad no one said a thing. A few months before those photos were taken, I started to battle with my super toxic new old friend Anorexia, followed by her cousin Bulimia. I could remember having a goal: To be as skinny as possible. To look as good as I could ever look on a family trip to the beach (now that I think about it, it’s like, come on, it’s your family they don’t give a shit). Also, before that, I had my high school prom and you can guess what my new eating disorder did for me. Did you guessed? Yes, it made me bought a smaller freaking expensive dress! So that I could have a motivation to lost all the freaking weight I hated. I remember being asked by the lady in charge of the dress store “Don’t you want the L size? I think you could feel more comfortable” And my whole face started to burn. I felt awful. But I remained calm, laughed and said “I’m about to go on a diet. I’ll loose all this weight” and she ofc had to be this supportive “buy all my shit” kind of person. So she suggested me to get the S size. But around that time I was dumb, but like not that dumb after all because I knew that, there was no way in hell I could fit into that shit, even if I stopped eating for like a whole month. So I decided to get the M one. And yes, maybe M is kinda considered a fat girl size, but this dress was made of lace. fucking lace. Which means, it was tight and getting the M was sort of a big deal. That day I paid for my own dress (because my parents had no idea about my future plans) and went home all happy and excited because I finally had a goal to achieve: To fit in that dress, because I couldn’t afford to throw all my money away. So at this moment I’d like to state that I have a mild pill addiction (nothing serious, but sometimes they still appeal to me as candies or some shit) and it appeared around this time because this girl had an eye opening moment when she found out about...*drum rolls* LOSING WEIGHT PILLS. It was a whole thing. I was shocked. Like, I could lose weight by taking this lil pill? Everyone said “yes” forgetting that ofc It’s not that easy. So I started to take them daily, even surpassing the recommended dose. I began to let those pills solve my whole eating problems. I started dieting but sometimes I had these huge cravings (I could also say I’m kind of a compulsive eater?) anyways, I wanted to eat junk food, but I couldn’t do it. My whole brain was like “No honey” and then we started to have a battle and when I won that battle, I decided to choose the losing weight pills as my ally. So, in resume, I ate a lot of shit and then I’d let the pills do it’s job. And what job I’m talking about? Diarrhea LMFAO. I mean, I had to get used to be shitting my pants every single time because everything I ate ended up in the freaking toilet in a very gross way. The thing is, I learned to live with this awful thing. I made it look like something normal. But the truth is, it wasn’t normal and I could have gotten a serious disease by doing that. But as always, that wasn’t enough. And when I realized the pills process was kinda slow I decided to cut most of the foods I considered “bad”. I ate once a day, drank tons of water and detox tea; courtesy of my mom. Because, now that I realize all this stuff, I didn’t started all of this by myself. I let my mom help me develop it. She has always talked about losing weight methods, pills, creams, all the things that would help you lose weight, my mama knew. So I always had this fear of my mom targeting my fatness. I had the fear that she would be disappointed because of the weight I had after all the advice she gave to me and my sisters. I mean, she always had something to say about this losing weight thing, How could I be fat? She literally was giving me options to not be fat anymore. So to her, at first was kinda normal that I decided to go to sleep to avoid eating. I would literally had a small plastic bag with some granola for breakfast and water. Then I would eat tuna with lettuce and lemon and more water and then I’d have more tuna for dinner. And when I felt hungry as hell? I went to sleep. It helped me a lot to be a sick person at it’s fullest. But hey, I def started to lose weight. With all the things I cut and the pills I was this close to achieve my goal. I decided to join my mom on her gym routine and people there started to compliment me about how skinny I started to look. I was living the dream!! I started to push myself way harder on the gym (I also almost fainted like 2-3 times a week) but Hey, I needed to get toned! Being skinny wasn’t enough. So I started to realize I could get myself to look better. And guess who helped me achieve my skeleton look? My dearest friend, index finger. We had our first meeting one time at the bathroom. That time I didn’t thought I’d be capable of doing something like that. I was scared of the result. But somehow we managed to forget that rocky start and the first time I vomited I was like “woah so this is how it feels. My god, can’t believe I’ve missed this my whole life” and it was so easy. I didn’t even need to cut foods. I could eat whatever I wanted! And then It would be gone for good! And all I had to do was push my finger deep in my throat. So fucking easy. And that’s how I finally achieved my goal, by playing the girl from the exorcist movie in my bathroom every day after every meal. I should’ve been happy, but my ED said “nope” and I had a whole breakdown and missed my prom. I went trough a lot of changes, decided to cut and dye my hair and tried to become a whole new person while stile carrying my oldest two versions (The one before the ED, and the one who had the ED) and I felt like I became an actress in this movie called “how long could you keep it cool until you become crazy”. Around that time, I weighted like 43...42 kg. I was way under my weight. My legs were tiny and I loved them. I loved to feel my ribs, my hip bones. I loved to see how my clothes looked bigger on me. I even sent some of my clothes to be fixed so that they would be smaller and fit me and yet, they didn’t because I was too small now. And I loved it. No one said a thing. My family was like “Oh now you’re skinny? It must be from the gym” My mom was thrilled. She never said it, but I could tell by the way she looked at me when I asked her if she could send my clothes to her friend because they didn’t fit me anymore. She even started to buy me clothes on smaller sizes and we even joked about how now I would have to buy on the kid’s section because I was so small and I couldn’t be prouder. I took photos with the clothes that looked bigger on me. I had to have proof that I was tiny! I was having a moment. And people started to notice that I became tiny but never asked how I got to be ‘that’ tiny. So, they never asked. I never answered. Until now lol. So the family trip to the beach happened and there I ate all the things I couldn’t while achieving my goal, because what the hell I was already skinny, I could eat whatever I wanted. And I ate, and ate and yet, I looked good on the bikini photos. I MEAN, for the first time in years I bought a TWO PIECES swimsuit. I had a great time there, it felt like a culmination in my life. I took cute pictures in front of the beach house, my cousin complimented be about looking skinny and pretty and yeah, happy ever after. Back at home, the struggle wasn’t over. I started to eat normally again but always fearing about my weight. I was perfect. I couldn’t lose that. So it begins the journey of “eating and regretting and then vomiting and then regretting it and then sending everything to hell and eating once again” and that went on repeat ALL DAY. To summarize, this isn’t exactly a story with a happy ending. It got to a point where I realized “WTF DUDE. YOU’LL DIE FROM THIS” and I stopped doing all that shit. Even my parents noticed the whole thing before I could send it back to hell. Tbh I was kinda expecting them to be mad or anything but they were like “we could hear you vomiting” and that’s all. Um, so you heard? Uh, sorry? My mom was more worried about how the toilet looked after I threw up on it. She said the stains were awful. So, I’d like to say sorry to my mom for staining her toilet while dealing with all my shit. My bad mom.

Now, I’d like to state that it’s been three years since that happened and my family and I still haven’t spoke about it. I had to seek help somewhere else. And you know, I’m not stating that my parents are the ones to blame. No, I was 17. I was totally aware of how awful having a ED was and yet I decided to participate. However, I totally believe they should have said something. I mean, it took a very short time for me to lose more than 30 kg and I slept all day. Wasn’t that weird for them? Maybe. But my parent’s weren’t exactly raised to be aware of people’s emotions. My parents were raised to be emotionless. They rarely show emotions and that’s something regular at home. So, if they ever felt worried they never expressed it because they didn’t knew how. And that’s normal, At least to me.

Moving forward to 2020, I’m 21. I’m an ED survivor (hate the word but you know, I didn’t died so I guess I kinda survived?) and I’m still in recovery and def not fully healed. That’s why I said this didn’t exactly had a happy ending. Because when you have an ED you can’t just put it away and make it disappear from your life. Nope, it’s not that easy and if someone says it is. They’re big liars. People talk about how difficult is to recover and gain weight without having these awful thoughts but they never tell you how your relationship with food changes forever. Or maybe they do, but it’s very rare tbh. Now, 3 years after having an ED I can say I still have it in me. Every time I eat something, I can’t help to feel guilty. To have the urge to vomit everything or the amount of times I say in my head “You need to cut food again” I get a losing weight goal every month. And I have the same feelings and thoughts I used to have 3 years ago. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t feel proud. I get the feeling I’m not having my best moment. And it sucks, you know? Because it’s tiring. Having your mind working 24/7 on the food you just ate and you could have replaced it with something healthier. And not being able to stop it. It also doesn’t help the fact that my mom is still obsessed with losing weight. She still has this habit of checking what I eat and making this “I don’t approve it” face. A month ago, I kinda had a relapse. I started to cut foods and then I was like “Hey, remember those pills? They still exist, you know?” But, I had no money. I couldn’t go outside to get them (bc quarantine, yikes) and I had no idea which ones would help me this time. So...I asked the expert; my mom. I’d like to state again I’m not blaming her. Anyways, I told her I felt fat and awful (she never said “you’re not fat” bc I have to admit, I am, at the moment) and asked her for her advice on losing weight stuff. She quickly recommended some popular diet pills she once listened a woman recommend in the radio. She even told me about a deal they had! Which included 3 bottles, all of them with 60 pills. Bro, I was in paradise at that moment. 180 pills plus having the opportunity to lose weight? WHAT A FUCKING DEAL My mom was thrilled, she even got the deal for herself (and both suffered from the same consequences, that my mom tried to cover up by saying that “it was the body’s reaction” and that we were detoxing our bodies” but I decided to cut that bullshit and stopped taking them bc I had awful results (and also, I wasn’t exactly losing weight which was the whole goal)

Today, June 2nd. I reflected about this whole thing. I am proud I never went to the bottom and to the hospital. But I’m not proud on the fact that I still haven’t recovered. Not even a bit. I mean, yeah, now I have double thoughts before doing something my ED tells me to do, but I still have the urge of being skinny. I still compare my body and feel like that is the only thing I could offer. Most stories shared this day, are successful ones. Most have this cute ending with them still being skinny but now, reflecting on life and talking about healthy weight gain. But not all stories are like those ones. There’s people still struggling. Like me, I haven’t even recovered but yet, I’m sharing this shit. Because that’s the reality behind having a daughter, sister, friend, with an ED.

We would never openly say “I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER” but it’s always in the little details. It’s in the way they read the menu and search for the healthy options and the calories, the way they express about their bodies, the way they constantly say how much they need to go to the gym. It’s in the way they look at food whenever you offer them, like if they could calculate how many days would it take for that food to get stuck in their body, specifically in the abdomen area. It’s there, but not many people gets to see it. It’s a matter of paying attention. And no, we do not want attention all the time, we do not want you to save us. It’s not about that. It’s about being aware that we are struggling and that we might need your support at least once.

Personally, I do not want to be saved. I just want to cope with it. I want to be able to eat healthy without falling again into these crap. I want to be able to look back and say “I fucking did it”. If I’m totally honest, the thought of losing weight will always be here with me. I’ll always have this little voice telling me “You could be smaller, you know? “You could stop your dad from saying that you’d be perfect to play football again because you could tackle everyone with that body” “You could be as tiny as your sister” “You could show your ballet teacher that you do not look like a ball anymore” “You could make your mom proud because you have taken her advice” “You could fit in that shirt and those pants again” and the most important one “You could have it all” because sadly, in this world, skinny means successful. And while I still try to achieve being that successful, the ED thoughts won’t go away, not at all. And I’m being honest. Terribly honest. But at least, I’m not lying and saying I’ll do better. Because, I’ll be better, just not today and maybe not even in two years from now. But I’ll be one day.

This story was shared to commemorate the World Eating Disorders Action Day (June 2nd) to spread awareness about what ED really mean and what they actually look like in real life.

#world eating disorder action day #june 2nd #spread awareness #eating disoder things #eating disoder thoughts

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baekthecorgi · 6 years

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tell me if you wanna go home (jaemin) genre: high school au, coming of age au, fluff words: 2.9k summary: jaemin finds a home in you.

"a mad axeman murders four high school freshmen," the newspaper headline was written in black bold capital letters

it was definitely a time of crisis for your neighborhood but it was kind of a blessing in disguise to meet na jaemin under such a bone-chilling circumstance. (no, jaemin's not the axeman)

the school admin (your mom's constant nagging actually) required the students to have a walking partner or at least have a group of friends walk home together. preferrably, the students go with others near their vicinity just to be extra safe.

you can count the students taking the same route as yours with your fingers. your house was exactly a 30-minute walk from the school and judging from the distance, it was natural that no one picked you as their walking partner. it put your mood down for the rest of the day. you shrugged it off and accepted your fate of being the fifth victim like the drama queen you were.

"wait up!" jaemin shouts, footsteps trailing behind yours as the chilly air seeps through your blazer. the air was nowhere near chilly anymore when jaemin flashes you a dazzling smile. a smile that could rival the sun.

"jaems? shouldn't you be with jeno?" you question, confused. he wasn't your friend or anything. just an acquaintance, a classmate, the kid sitting at the last row chatting away with his seatmates.

"where's your walking partner?"

"i don't have one." jaemin gives a baffled look.

silence ensues. you were expecting for the boy to fly away as soon as he threw you the questions. instead, jaemin matches his pace with yours. "this isn't your route, jaems," you say. you really didn't want jaemin to be the sixth victim. (once again, stop being a drama queen.)

"it is, actually. i just take the long route to jeno's house and make my mom pick me up there."

"then jeno's the one without a walking partner"

"he's with renjun. it's fine," he waves the thought off as if it wasn't a big deal

"are you sure about this?" you wanted reassurance, not pity, and jaemin was glad enough to give you that.

"i'm still walking with you aren't i?"

and with that starts a beautiful friendship with na jaemin. the first walk-a-thon, as you would call it, was one of the longest thirty minutes of your life. jaemin kept jumping from one topic to another while you reply with dry statements, or worse, a hum and a nod.

jaemin's the human embodiment of bliss while you defined the word: awkward.

but as the walk-a-thons became a daily occurrence, your awkward exterior is stripped down and jaemin glows brighter than ever having found a new friend he could walk home with. besides, he was done taking the long route. jeno can suck it.

as the news died down--the murderer caught--the students disregarded the whole walking partner protocol. you didn't bother waiting for jaemin at the usual spot after class since you knew he'd drop you like the other students did with their partners.

but somehow, jaemin finds his way back to you

"my walking partner's going on another walk-a-thon without me? hmp rude," jaemin crosses his arms cutely, huffing. let's just say he was engulfed in a big bear hug by the happiest girl in the world.

as the years pass by, jaemin becomes the best friend you've always deserved and the nagging big brother you wish you had. countless moments were shared between the two of you. inside jokes which sent you raised brows and confused faces by renjun and jeno. petty fights leading to a tickle war of some sort. huge arguments that renjun had to patch up because your stubborn selves refused to make up.

one finals week, you felt your brain swell from information overload. so jaemin turns up the speakers, blasting "feliz navidad" at two in the fucking morning. it was june and yet you and jaemin were bouncing the hell out of the mattress, singing the christmas carol at the top of your lungs, till the bed springs popped out. the cops turned up in the end (ugh neighbors,, snitches end up in ditches) but needless to say, it's one of the many favorite memories you share with him.

you were also there to witness each other's firsts. jaemin's first injury. your first brow wax. jaemin's first car. your first time watching jaemin's basketball and actually bring home the bacon aka MVP, bitches. jaemin's first time watching you beat the heck out of the opposing school at the district science decathlon.

it's hard to believe four years past right under your nose. you spent too much time enjoying what life could offer with your best friend, you forgot that it ain't always gonna be this way. you dreaded the day you and jaemin would separate ways just like the time the school abolished the walking partner program.

unfortunately, the time has come. with only less than a month left before graduation, you and jaemin finally receive your acceptance letters. he got into his dream university while you got into yours. you were happy and all, but calculating the distance made your heart ache.

"so, have you decided where you're gonna study?" you ask

jaemin pauses as if weighing his choices at the last minute before speaking, "seoul university, most probably." he looks at you and his eyes seem to plead for you to choose a university close to his. "you?"

jaemin was always the smarter one

"KAIST"

"but that's in daejeon!" he exclaims, surprised. "it's two hours, almost three, from seoul. you got accepted in yonsei, right? why don't you just go there? we'll be closer that way."

you were never the type to settle somewhere far from home but you took the opportunity to live independently. besides, you can't have jaemin with you for life. you have to stand on your own feet and this was the perfect chance for that.

"it's my decision, jaems. my call. as much as i would love to stay close--" you were cut off by an angered jaemin stomping away from the scene.

that week, jaemin was missing in action. no texts. no calls. no anything. he treated you like a ghost in the hallways, averting his gaze to either renjun or jeno whenever you meet. you gave jaemin time. maybe your decision still hasn't sunk in his mind.

"dude, why aren't you talking with your best friend?" jeno slaps jaemin's back

"careful," the latter glares making jeno cower in fear, "and it's her fault for choosing KAIST over yonsei"

"jaemin, i can't stand your stupid ass." jaemin flinches at renjun's words. "you're so fucking stupid. you're not in any position to dictate what she should and shouldn't do. and what if she's a hundred miles away from home? she's doing it for her fucking future, not for you! if you don't support her decision then are you really her best friend?"

silence ensues. jaemin never really saw it from renjun's perspective. now he feels like a fucking idiot for putting his wish before yours. the university was no problem, he was super proud of you, in fact. acceptance letters from both KAIST and yonsei university was a rare occurrence and a big deal. jaemin just can't imagine you being so far away from him. he couldn't bear the thought of it and it made him illogically mad that you didn't share the same vision. of never having to be far from each other.

"i'm sorry. you were right it's supposed to be your decision and i shouldn't interfere with it. forgive your best friend?"

"jaemin, do you really have to climb through my window at midnight? the front door's wide open for you"

"so i'm taking that as an apology accepted?"

"ugh, just come get your hug you big baby"

fast forward to prom week

the whole school was buzzing on the upcoming prom. since this was the first and last prom for the seniors, every single detail mattered. everything was a big deal. on top of all that, everyone already chose their partners. some picked their friends, some from other sections, and for the lucky ones, their significant others.

deep inside, you secretly wished jaemin would ask you out. as a friend, nothing more. you wanted to spend the it with him, dancing the worries away just for one night. you didn't want to think about the countless possible futures. you just want to live in the present with jaemin by your side.

"who are you asking out?" you ask jeno, propping your elbows on the lunch table and idly resting your chin above your palms.

"a close friend from 4-B," jeno replies, "renjun?"

"oh, you know," renjun wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. you stand in disbelief, pulling the roots of your hair. "no way!" your eyes widen, exclaiming, "i call bs!"

"watch me slow dance to Can't Help Falling In Love with her on prom night losers," renjun brags, leaning back on his chair. "how bout you sis? found your prince charming yet?"

actually, you were quite glum the entire day. you assumed jaemin has found a partner of his own since he didn't ask you out or anything like that. renjun missed the dejected expression painted on your face. you can feel jaemin's stare on you boring holes from its intensity as if he was expecting something. you answer renjun with a slight shake of the head. you may or may not have heard jaemin sigh in relief.

jeno's forehead scrunches, bemused. "i thought you were going with jaemin?"

"where'd you get that?"

"me," jaemin replies. "i mean, it's a given we're going to prom together." renjun takes a bite of his chicken to hide the growing smile on his face. god, you two were so dense.

"that's now how it works, jaems"

"well, we're best friends. like i said, it's a given." you roll your eyes at your best friend's ego and decide to just give it to him. you chose to ignore the quick skip of a beat your heart made.

"you know, there's this guy from 4-D who was supposed to ask y--ouch! what was that for?!" jeno yelps and reaches below the table. he caresses his knee to which jaemin painfully kicked.

jaemin sips on his water bottle as if there was nothing fishy going on. "tell me the deets of your dress so i can match my suit with yours"

prom was prom. a bunch of teenagers balled up on the dance floor, subtly grinding on each other under the influence of alcohol contained in pocket-sized flasks. hot, rowdy, and simply, a big mess. all of which you weren't. not when you looked like a doll in your jean-clad cocktail dress hugging your figure perfectly and your old, dirty Converse shoes to match it. it was enough to stop jaemin in his tracks. the choice of clothing was bizarre but it made you stand out. you always did stand out from the crowd in his eyes. it was hard not to.

jaemin decides to sneak you out because you weren't fit for the disaster of an event that was waiting to happen.

he drives in his (brother's stolen) car and takes you away from all the ruckus. you didn't know where he was taking you but anywhere with jaemin was fine.

the trip was a rendezvous. much like the time when you would sneak out of the house and head over to jaemin's because 24 hours wasn't enough time to play Animal Crossing with your best friend and giggle under the covers throughout the night. it was like that, except this time, you were two best friends driving to god knows where in search of more time. time to spend with each other before reaching the brink of adulthood.

the car screeches to a stop. you peek out of the window to see the wide expanse of the open campus.

"you're brother's gonna kill you when he finds out about this"

"what he doesn't know won't hurt him," jaemin breaks into a laugh. it was the only sound that could be heard within a mile amidst the crickets chirp.

"you've already got a campus tour right? last week?" you nod hesitantly. jaemin wants to memorize your home for the next four years by heart. "lead the way then"

you stroll around the campus, pointing at different buildings and describing the various departments of the university. you tell him which department your course was in, the building where most of your classes are at. basically, anything your brain can muster up at the moment.

weird glances were thrown at the both of you from the students coming in and out of the dorm. you sat on the steps in front of your soon-to-be dorm, chattering away as if it was normal for two high school students to hang out in an open campus in their prom attire.

later, you lead jaemin to the empty quad. you follow jaemin's actions when he lies on his back. he notices the red blotches starting to form on your exposed skin caused by the grass prickling it. jaemin takes off his coat and drapes it across your shoulders.

you whine, complaining how the night sky was as empty as the quad and how the stars were being unfair for refusing to shine. jaemin reasons that the stars were too afraid to rival the brightest one of all--you. but of course, he says all of that in his head.

"aren't you worried?" you break the silence. "what if one day we find someone new and we replace each other with that someone? what if we meet again in seoul during break and all we see is a stranger in front of us?"

"what if home doesn't feel like home anymore? what then?" jaemin hears the anxiety in your tone of voice. it felt good to voice out the worries inside your head but you didn't want to burden jaemin with it. you didn't want to seem clingy.

"i'm proud of you for taking such a big step. choosing a good university far away from home and in the course you've always wanted." jaemin reassures, "i get where all your worries are coming from but no one could ever replace you. i'll text you or call you when i'm free. we could even video call if we're not busy. we'll always stay close, you mean too much to me to just let this end."

"jaemin," you softly call his name. he shifts his position to face you. your breath hitches at the boy centimeters away from you. you've never seen jaemin this close and personal. you've never seen jaemin as someone more than a friend.

your voice was feeble and small. "are you scared?"

"so scared," jaemin says almost in an inaudible whisper. "you have no idea"

"what are you scared of?"

"the future, being so far away from you," he holds his gaze on you but this time his eyes were insinuating something different you couldn't read. jaemin takes a sharp breath as if inhaling an ounce of courage before continuing, "i might be in love with my best friend and that scares the crap out of me."

"jaems, we can't. if we go through this now, the distance will kill us."

jaemin locks his eyes with yours, full of love and reassurance. "we've been through everything else together. this is no different." he swipes the stray hairs falling only to tuck it securely behind your ear. "i don't care if you're miles away, you can call me any time and i'd drop anything if you needed me. you know that."

"the distance will tear us apart. jaemin, we really can't," you choke back a sob threatening to escape your lips but jaemin shushes you as if saying everything will be alright.

"you're worth any fight"

the first few weeks in college was rough. the hectic schedule, the long lecture hours, the difficult lessons and the terror professors. they were all new to you, jaemin as well.

it was hard keeping in touch at the same damn time. if you were busy, jaemin wasn't and vice versa but somehow, the two of you compromised and made it work.

jaemin was a man of his word--never failing to send you a text or call before the day ends. even one “good morning, sunshine” text was enough for you to get going and receiving a “good night, i love you :)” text from you was enough for jaemin to get a good night sleep.

sometimes, jaemin would get the craziest ideas at ungodly hours of the night

"oh my god, jaems, are you out of your mind?!" you massage your forehead at the sight of your boyfriend, hugging his plushie cutely, in front of your doorstep in the middle of the night.

"i couldn't fall asleep. i need cuddles," jaemin welcomes himself in your apartment. if you didn't love the guy so much and if he didn't look too cute in his pink pajamas, you would have kicked him out.

"let me get this straight. you drove four hundred miles on a school night for cuddles?"

"and kisses. now enough chitchat, more smoochies," jaemin puckers his lips and jumps on your bed, arms wide open to snuggle yourself in. you smile and accept his warm invitation.

anywhere with jaemin feels like home because he is your home 💝

note: i rewrote this because tumblr deleted my fucking draft which was almost done. i hope this one’s better than the draft i made ugh i had to restart so it took a while sorry. jaemin’s a bit of a prick here but he’s an adorable prick who needs a hit on the head to make him realize things sometimes. im just glad im done with this. i can finally tick one off my to-do list omg!! drop some feedback, guys :D

masterlist

#nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nctwriters #jaemin scenarios #jaemin imagines #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #na jaemin #nct #nct dream #nct jaemin #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines

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aion-rsa · 5 years

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The Riddler: DC Redefines Famous Batman Villain

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Does Year of the Villain mean a big change for Batman’s puzzling nemesis?

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Event comics usually come with a passel of one-off tie ins. Sometimes they’re very good. Sometimes they’re a way of giving someone a try out. Sometimes they’re a way of getting somebody work. These are all good things! But very rarely are they ever impactful on a character or the direction of a line. That may change this week, as Mark Russell and Scott Godlewski bring the Riddler into Year of the Villain with one of the most introspective superhero comics in a while, one that potentially foreshadows a big status quo change for one of Batman’s oldest villains.

The premise of the entire Year of the Villain arc has Apex Lex, a powered-up Lex Luthor, gone full evil again after years spent straddling the line of “dick” and “dick but helping the good guys”, running around the DC Universe offering power ups to the bad guys from every rogue’s gallery. In the pages of Justice League, he cranked up folks like Sinestro, while he’s been popping into other books for help like closing Gotham to the outside world and giving free rein to Bane (Batman), or a substantially boosted cold suit for Captain Cold (The Flash). In The Riddler: Year of the Villain, he gives Edward Nygma something completely different: perspective.

The story is framed by the Riddler’s friendship with King Tut. They start the issue kvetching about their persistent failures to top Batman in any meaningful way. They move to complaining that they haven’t been approached by Luthor yet, then head their separate ways. When Riddler gets home, he finds Luthor in his living room, and Luthor is pretty merciless in his criticism. The next morning, Tut calls Riddler to loop him in on his own profound realization: that they persistently fail because they never work with each other, and the true solution to both their problems is to do a half-baked death trap together.

The Luthor conversation is the crux of the issue. Luthor hands the Riddler nothing - no hyper-powered question staff, no bowler hat that will increase his cleverness tenfold, no giant question mark-shaped bomb planted under Wayne Manor. He just talks to him about Nygma’s own rigidity. The inflexibility of his mind, being lashed to his schtick, is what Luthor hints has been holding the Riddler back. And that inflexibility is preventing the Riddler from growing as a person. It’s kept him from accepting any changes since he was a child fixated on revenge against the bullies tormenting him. He ends the story by telling Nygma “Life is the process of saying goodbye to ourselves.” And the Riddler ends the issue by walking out on King Tut’s death trap.

read more: Justice League, Crisis, and the Future of the DC Universe

This is...not what I think anyone expected from a Year of the Villain book. The best you can usually hope for is a thoughtful one-off. Something akin to what Russell already gave us in Year of the Villain: Sinestro - a clever character piece that leaves the character exactly where he started when the issue picked up. Here, we get smart character work, but we also get more character development than the Riddler has had since...what, Paul Dini on Detective Comics back around Infinite Crisis? The Riddler is iconic, but the character owes almost everything to Frank Gorshin’s portrayal of him on the old television show. He hasn’t had more than a handful of deep dives or status quo shifts in an age.

A literal age - I can count four stories since the Bronze Age ended that really matter, that made a big impact on the Riddler as a character, and that’s a stretch a little bit - one of them came out on the cusp between the Bronze Age and the modern age of comics and could be argued into either category. But for almost every one of them, the impact on other characters was greater.

“Dark Night, Dark City” was Peter Milligan and Kieron Dwyer’s 1990 tale in Batman that had a suddenly very bloodthirsty Riddler pulling jobs around Gotham. It’s a really good Riddler story, but overshadowed by the fact that it’s also where Barbatos, the dark Bat-god who dominated Grant Morrison’s Batman mythology and later spawned Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo’s dark multiverse, first appeared. Snyder and Capullo also featured the Riddler as the main villain of "Zero Year," their big, 13 issue story about Batman’s first run in with Nygma. It is also the first time we really got to look at the way Batman managed his own mental health, and ends with him almost getting shock therapy. And the War of Jokes and Riddles was a long story that wrapped up Tom King’s first year on Batman by giving Kite Man a heartbreaking origin story and having the Joker (of all people) stop Bruce from killing the Riddler.

read more - Batman: Damned is a Trip Through the Darkest Corners of the DC Universe

The unifying force in all of these stories is that they’re not about Edward Nygma. They’re about someone else reacting to Nygma. And, in the case of “Zero Year” and the “War of Jokes and Riddles,” they both happen in the distant-by-comic-book-time past of Batman.

Really, the only story in the last 30 years worth of comics that really changed what we know about the Riddler was Paul Dini turning him into Sherlock Holmes in Detective Comics. In the wake of the wretched “Hush” and the not-great Infinite Crisis, Dini has Nygma go straight and begin selling his services as a consulting detective to Gotham’s wealthy. It takes the Riddler, keeps his main schtick (proving that he’s smarter and more clever than Batman), but points it in a different direction so we can see it work from another angle and take a little bit more out of it. Edward Nygma, Consulting Detective is the one time before this Year of the Villain issue that anybody really tried to twist the Riddler’s core concept around and peer at it from a different angle in modern comics. For perspective, in those same 30 years that it took to get four meaningful Riddler stories, Gotham City has been destroyed or quarantined from the rest of the country in four stories.

read more: The Secrets of DC's New Superman/Batman Team

Gorshin’s portrayal and the Riddler’s iconic look have been enough to keep him top tier in the popular consciousness, though. That a character can largely survive Jim Carrey and the Question Mark Guy who wanted to give us all free government money sullying his rep and look, respectively, is a testament to his fundamental appeal. The beauty of this issue is that even if it were a fluffy one-off with no potential wider impact, it would still be terrific. How many times do you get to open a comic and yell “OH MY GOD IS THAT KING TUT?” It’s not like he’s the Fluoronic Man or something. A King Tut sighting is a rare blessing, friends! Also, Tom King Batman aside, there’s been a subtle creep of a lighter Batman into comics lately that continues here. We’ve got a Batman happy to toss riddles back at Nygma along with his boots. Batman gets noticeably exasperated by King Tut’s incompetence and even almost jokes with the Gotham PD about how long it’ll take him to beat Tut. “Lair” Magazine is something I hope DC one day manages to publish, even if it’s just a joke. Profound character development aside, this issue was just really fun.

The brilliance of this issue is how it directly interacts with one of the fundamental tenets of modern superhero comics: the illusion of change. Stan Lee said the secret to Marvel storytelling (a theory that has come to apply to the superhero industry as a whole) is “the illusion of change.” The idea that comic book superheroes change over time is actually far truer than it seems on first glance, it’s just the under the radar ones, the characters keeping one arm out of limbo, who are capable of doing the most changing.

It’s possible that this issue is setting the Riddler up for a big change. It shows a willingness to strip Edward Nygma back to his bare, raw, core concept, and it’s one that makes him stand out as a Batman rogue. For years now, we’ve been watching Batman matched against the inexplicable chaos of the Joker, or match power and forethought with Bane, or have really bad anxiety attacks and bone Catwoman. What we’ve seen far less often is Batman be the best detective in comics. We get plenty of Batman pounding the shit out of a parade of bad guys. We don’t see him sussing out motive or means as much. All of the good writers have found a way to make that happen here and there over the last few years, but it always takes a backseat to saving hypertime by throwing three pearls at Rip Hunter. The Riddler gives them an excuse to lead with the detective work.

read more: The Batman Who Laughs and the Culmination of 10 Years of DC Stories

Maybe the Riddler has fallen far enough for this to stick. We know from tweets hoping for an ongoing that Russell thinks so. The Riddler: Year of the Villain works because it forces Nygma to think his way out of his rut and choose to do something different. Hopefully we get to see more of that change play out on the page.

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Feature Jim Dandy

Sep 11, 2019

DC Entertainment

Mark Russell

Batman

from Books https://ift.tt/2Lp4Kyc

#aion-rsa #Books

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backalley-requests · 5 years

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Playing with Fire /// Stranger Things /// Self-Insert One Shot

Word count: 1.7K

Summary: The new kid gets more than he bargained for when he befriends Hawkin's most troubled group of kids.

After spending years thinking he’s broken it turns out that Jamie is a lot more powerful than he thought he was, and the people he’s been so desperate.to be close to knew a bit more than they were letting on.

The Hawkins roller rink was usually packed on Friday nights, and today certainly wasn’t an exception to that. The flashing moving lights lit up the rink floor and the loud music blasted through the air and forced conversations to be held at max volume.

Jamie wasn’t quite sure what to call the group of people he was hanging out with currently. Were they friends? As much as he wanted to be, there was always this closeness between the rest of them that stemmed from all the horrible things they endured together. A closeness he wasn’t sure he’d get to have. And it was hard to relate to them, even on a more personal level. Jamie didn’t have a lot of memories from before a few years ago. His therapist said it was probably due to the trauma of losing his family in the wreck. Yet, despite going over a million different exercises, he had nothing.

Everything was new to him: school, having friends, watching tv, eating ice cream, roller skating, music. It was like he never got to experience anything at all, his life felt like just one big mystery he wished he wasn’t apart of. The only people who made him feel normal was them. The same people that invited the new kid to hang out while he was sitting all alone. He owes them, what feels like, everything.

“Jamie?”

He had been staring off into the distance at the side of the roller rink, needing a quick break. But he quickly got lost in his own thoughts until Dustin appeared in front of him with that ridiculously dorky smile. “I was just checking to see if you were alright.”

“I’m fine.” Jamie smiles softly, his eyes locking into Dustin’s. “I just needed a second.” He pushed himself away from the ledge, almost losing his balance for a second as the wheels of the skates started to move again. the two skated back to the rest of the group, Dustin doing most of the talking. Not that Jamie minded it much, he was easy going and mostly liked to listen.

Dustin had gotten into a pretty deep theory about star stars and the force by the time they got close by. “Don’t let Dustin talk you to death, just because he says a lot doesn’t mean it’s all-important,” Lucas said as his hand landed on Jamie’s shoulder. Dustin gave him a joking glare and the two laughed.

For a moment Jamie can simply relax. This was the normalcy he wanted, and the ease they talked to him with put his mind to rest and all doubts were subsequentially snuffed. The flow of the conversation carries on from there, Max gives subtle joking digs at her boyfriend and Mike sticks close to El.

“I’m gonna go use the bathroom,” Jamie says about 15 minutes into the conversation. His voice is soft as he smiles between them before making a beeline to the restroom stalls.

He only gets to spend about 30 seconds in the restroom before someone else comes in, towering behind him.

“You got anything on you?”

The voice is deep and rustic, and Jamie can make out the shadow of a man much larger than him above the music. Chills run up his spine and anxiety sets in, he’s slow to turn out. “N-No,” he manages to get out. But he sounds so pathetically unconvincing and the man shoves him against the wall. “Hey! Stop!” Jamie lets out as he tries to sound assertive.

“If you really have nothing on you, then why are you so nervous?”

“I said get off!”

His voice is strong this time when it comes out, his eyes are squeezed shut but by the time he opens them the man has let go. “What the fuck did you do!” The man is holding his arm, it looks singed. More importantly, what he didn’t notice but Jamie did, was that his jacket was lit on fire. It doesn’t take long for him to follow Jamie’s gaze and let out a scream as Jamie darts past him and straight out the doors.

His limps are quick and he forgoes rink protocol of wearing skates as he rushes over to them. He’s out of breath and in a panic.

“I-- there was this guy and he tried to rob me and I-- he got burned and his jacket-- it’s on fire-- I didn’t know what to do-- I had to tell someone--” Jamie’s words are all broken up and his breathing is fast-paced. He can’t think straight and his hands keep fidgeting through his hair like a maniac trying to hold himself together.

The group looks panicked. “Calm down,” Lucas says as his arm reaches out to Jamie, “there has to be a rational explanation for this.” He’s trying to do his best to relax his friend but Jamie is sure of what he saw and looks terrified.

“Don’t touch me! What if it happens again!” There’s no question just panic and concern as he flinches away and pulls himself back. The group looks worried and surprised. The exception is Eleven. She stands back from the group as she stares in, a look of guilt on her face as the rest of them try calming Jamie down and reassuring him.

“Did you know?”

Jamie’s sudden works shock the group as he stares directly down at El. She doesn’t say a word and her face remains unreadable but it says enough about the situation.

“Did you know.” It stops being a question and instead is a terrified command. His eyes are wide and tears already brim them from the emotional turmoil that’s been ranking through his mind. How did that happen? What if he hurts someone? Why is this possible? He feels hot and sweaty as if he’s burning from the inside out. His face heats up.

“Only a little.” El never speaks much, but this is the one time that Jamie wished she would. He had a million questions to ask her and was sure he wouldn’t get an answer. “You looked different.” Jamie’s breathing becomes hitched in his throat. “You didn’t need to know.”

That broke Jamie. You didn’t need to know. That was all he wanted to know! it was everything he thought about and dreamt on, it was everything that made him feel wrong and broken and it was withheld because someone else thought they should get to decide how much he knew about himself.

“That’s not fair!” Jamie cried out, he felt tears already falling down his face. He was angry and frustrated— but mostly he just felt betrayed. “You can’t just hide things like that from me! It’s about me! And you knew—“ his voice cracked. “You knew.” His breathing was quick and his face read. His throat was so sore and it was nearly impossible to swallow.

“I’m sorry—“

“Do you have any idea how lost I’ve been this whole time! How lonely it gets! And now I find out that you knew!” He breaks down. It’s hard to watch. There’s a fire in his voice and his hands look hot to the touch.

Mike notices that things might be getting out of hand and suddenly steps in the way. “You can’t just blame, El for not telling you! She’s been through a lot!” Mike grew defensive and bitter in the blink of an eye as he jumped to his girlfriend’s side. Even when she was in the wrong, he couldn’t help it. But it only resulted in Jamie feeling more alienated as the tears fell freely from his eyes.

“Whatever.”

It was all he could manage and it seethed out through gritted teeth. Jamie pushed past the group and headed straight out the doors to the place. There were some protests to stop him but they fell on deaf ears. By the time he stopped, he was already on the sidewalk, and it took almost no time before he sat along the curb with his head between his knees. The tears now getting to flow freely. He cries openly for a few minutes before someone sits down next to him. No words are exchanged for a few moments.

“I get it.” It’s Will. Sometimes Jamie forgot he was there, Will was so quiet. Although he gets the feeling that the same must happen to him all the time.

“You don’t-- you don’t understand anything.” He was defensive, could hardly keep a sentence straight together.

“I was possessed.”

Jamie went quite. He never got to really know what happened between them all, and Will certainly never spoke about it.

“My mom tried to hide it from me but it got out of hand and she couldn’t stop it. Before I was even willing to really admit to myself she could see it. Sometimes people do bad things with good intentions.” Will sighed. He wore the softest smile, staring mostly ahead of him. “I know it’s a to take in right now but give it time. El doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, she’d never hurt a friend.”

Jamie sat and listened. His breathing soon evened out and his tears came to a slow stop. His throat still hurt but the pain was beginning to soothe. “How am I supposed to deal with all of this?” His voice cracked at the end, he looked down between his legs and took a deep breath. “How many people are lying to me? My aunt-- is she even my aunt? How can I possibly handle this” The tears came back into his eyes and fell to the ground.

Will let Jamie cry for a moment, knowing he needed to get it out of his system. “You aren’t going to handle this alone. That’s not how we do things around here.” He laughs shakily. “Your problem is our problem. All of us for one and one of us for all remember?” He makes the reference to ease the tension as he looks over Jamie’s face. “We’re in this together.”

“Together?” Jamie spoke softly with a sniffle, using his sleeve to clean his eyes. He could feel the weight softening on his shoulders. Maybe he didn’t need to be so alone.

“Always.”

#stranger things #one shot requests #one shot

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futurewriter2000 · 6 years

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Becuase I hate you the most ~ pt. 4

A/N: Finally decided to edit this draft. Bruh. But I’m finished it wit it and I hope so much that you like it. It’s not one of my proudest fics but I am trying here. All the loves <3

PAIRING: George x reader! Malfoy/BlackTAGS:@siriusly-loves-snuffles, @slither-in-a-half, @nadinissavage, @shadyladyperfection, @geeksareunique, @ashkuuuu, @xinyourdreamsx, @maralisa124, @loserslytherpuff, @chloe-geoghegan1, @musekala, @moonysmilkshake, @crispyfrenchfrieschrusis, @unicorn-sparkles123, @queenofravenclaw05, @redhead-weasley, @fashionlive15, @quokkatrash, @bennie-badeend, @sly-vixen-up2nogood

Other parts —> MASTERLIST

(requests are closed)

You didn't think words could sting so much. That his absence would hurt and that his eyes could hold so much hatred towards you. You hated how your whole relationship, if you could call it that, changed so much in so little time.

But no. You could never have feelings or future with him. No, your father would disown you if you were ever even rumored to be dating a blood-traitor like George Weasley.

Though he didn't seem like a blood-traitor to you. He was kind and compassionate, funny and always keen on the jokes. So fierce when it came to protecting the ones he loves and so shy when it came to love.

You simpered to yourself, knowing how shy he was at the beginning when the two of you started your "thing" and how he was so braver after, kissing you in places he knew the two of you would be seen. And as much as you hated his try on getting the two of you exposed, you liked how dominant and determined he was in every kiss.

And it was now that you thought you heard his steps coming your way but as they approached, you knew they definitely did not belong to George Weasley.

" Ciao Bella." greeted his twin, smiling and wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

" Ciao idiot." you retorded back, pushing his arm from your shoulder and walking away from him.

However your quick pace was not even compared to his long steps, he slid in front of you, stopping by an inch, and giving you the famous Weasley grin. " You're avoiding."

" I wonder why?" you faked a daft look before throwing your bag on the other shoulder and crossing your arms over your chest. " What do you want?"

" Here's the thing." his grin spread wider, his body backing you against the wall while his hand, which rested on the wall behind you, kept the distance safe. " You're a Malfoy, I'm a Weasley and there has always been a rivalry between our family as well as the houses. You hated me, I hated you-bam boom- but now we have gotten to a point where I, Fred Weasley, has to, as always, drag your stubborn and determined arse back there to explain the Snuffles situation and then fix the miserable twin brother situation,"

"Snuffles?"

" The almighty father of yours, yes." he rolled his eyes, closing in the proximity between you two to which to your surprise started to make your heart race. Blushing, you couldn't decide if it was because of his handsome features or the fact that he had pissed you off by speaking of your father.

Yet you pretended not to care. " The only way you'll be able to drag my arse to him is when I'm dead. So good luck." you knocked his shoulder and started walking away from him.

" Yes, yes, I understand that." he kept walking after you. " But-"

"No! No buts." you cut him off.

"If you only list-"

"Fred no! I don't want to ever hear about him!" you finally snapped, glaring at him.

"Fred yes! Fred is the one responsible for his brother and Fred wants you to see the truth behind the hidden dirty lies." he spoke more seriously, his grin disappearing from his lips.

"Why are you talking in a third person?"

"That's not the point " he rolled his eyes. " The point is that if you don't come with me to see him, to try giving him a chance to explain the last fourteen years, you - and him- will feel and understand each other much better." he spoke as he put his hands on both of your shoulders.

" I never thought of you as the serious, caring type, Fred Weasley." you snorted and quirked an eyebrow

"Stop avoiding the subject." he sighed.

And it was his eyes, his kind and beautiful eyes that made you say what you said. To make the frustration inside of you finally break free. " Oh, wouldn't you just like to hear from your father after fourteen years of spending your life with a different family. Thinking about why you didn't belong! Knowing why you didn't resemble them at all! Thinking about why your father preferred your younger brother and not you. YES! Wouldn't you just love to see a father who has left you for fourteen years, two of those spent outside Azkaban with his Godson instead of his daughter? Why don't you just go spend time with your father who always put you in second place! A father who put the Potter family before his own! Always!" you shouted, blind to the tears that shed from your eyes.

Fred, shocked at first, watched you in empathy and his hands all of a sudden wrapped around your body and pulled you closer. You put your hands around him as well, gripping his robes and sobbing into them. As a twin, you have sworn to believe that he would smell like his brother but he didn't. He smelled after a different cheap cologne. Spicy and fresh, like mint, but sweet like honey. And it was that kind of smell that comforted you. It was the smell and touch to make you calm and vulnerable.

---

A week had passed and you were on the verge of breaking down. Every single week was filled with exams and projects, essays, reports, party, ... you didn’t know how to start and to top it all off, there was a Yule Ball coming up.

But that was the last thing on your mind. Your little brother has once again, as always, pissed you off.

So, wherever you were now storming off was better than anywhere near that castle. When the tears started gathering and your throat started to squeeze, you plopped down on your ass and leaned against the tree. Hugging your knees, you let your head fall on your arms and you sobbed.

All the stress and the anxiety that has been bugging you for so many months now expressed through your tears and sobs. The worst part was that as much as you hated to admit, you wanted George by your side. You needed him by your side because he was the person who could always cheer you up in this situation.

But your thoughts about your problems were soon interrupted by something cold and wet touching your arm. You quickly looked up and were faced with a pair of familiar grey eyes. His fur was long and curly, in a dark black color while his quite big snout kept forcing itself under your hand.

You shot him a puzzled look at first, wondering about the boned looking dog who continued to force his snout under your hand until he finally succeeded and let your hand travel to the top of his head.

Simpering, you scratched his head and brushed your thumb against his big ear. “ You really know your timing, mate."

He whined and moved forward with his body, letting his head fall on your lap.

“ You’re adorable.” you smiled, letting your fingers travel down his fur, feeling his ribs on the sides. “ A stray? “ you mumbled to yourself and he let out another whine. “ Well, don’t worry because I am a sucker for dogs and will get you fat immediately.” you cupped his face and kissed his forehead.

He shot his head up immediately, staring at you with his bright blue eyes. Almost as he was expressing surprise. Almost as he wanted to say something but couldn’t.

You gave him a suspicious look because as much as you stared at those eyes and as much as they reminded you of him... it couldn’t be true.

You denied that feeling. Always. You denied it because you didn’t want it to be true. He gave you warmth and safety. It was what you felt every time you came and visited him since that day.

He was a stray. A stray with no family and no owner.

It’s what you kept telling yourself. Every single day when you visited him when deep down you knew the truth. You just kept denying it.

So as months passed by and another day followed, you plopped down on your ass and waited for him to come.

Yet he didn't. You waited and continued to sit on the cold grass. It felt like hours have passed when only 15 minutes did. Twenty minutes, 30 minutes...

You grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder. " Guess today someone is busy." you grumbled under your breath and pulled out a bag of food, placing it next to a tree.

" Guess I am." a voice came from behind and you froze where you stood.

Like your heart has stopped and the whole world started to spin, you continued to stand there, frozen, with your eyes spread wide and staring at the Hogwarts castle.

" I kept thinking the ways to approach you. Guess it's too soon." he chuckled slightly, scratching the back of his neck.

" What are you doing here." you tried to speak but it came out as a weak, broken voice.

And as much as you didn't see it, it broke him. It broke him to know how much you really hated him. How much you were afraid of being alone with him...He didn't want this. He didn't want you to be left with the Malfoys or his mother or growing up to know your biological father was a criminal. He was far from that and he resented Remus for not taking you in as a godfather duty.

" I just want to talk, Layla." he spoke softly.

You sharply turned around, glaring at him through your fallen tears. " My name is (y/n), not Layla!"

" (y/n). Okay then." he spoke calmly, slightly lifting his hands. " Can we talk?"

"No! We cannot!" you snapped immediately. " YOU ABANDONED ME! FOR FOURTEEN YEARS!" you shouted at him, tears streaming down your eyes. " I WAS THREE! THREE!" you continued to bawl. " AND ODD HOW I CAN REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE MOMENT SPENT WITH YOU! 'Princess, you called me.' " you spoke quietly now. " Layla, you named me but Layla is not here." you continued. " The day you left me, left your whole life behind, was the day you decided to give me a new life. A life as a Malfoy."

" I didn't abandon you. I-I."

" You chose them. You chose them every time. Even when you got out you went after Harry first."

" You really think I would do that." he spoke surprised and your eyes met his. " You were the first thought when I woke up in the morning and the last when I fell asleep." he said and took a step closer. " You were the person who made me sane in that prison. You were the happiness I clung to when I thought I'd lost it all." he smiled and took another step to you. " I made a mistake, going after Peter the way I did. I wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't thinking at all but when James died I was ought to feel lost and angry. But I wasn't ought to not think of you."

He was now so close to you that his hand could touch your chin and brush the tears from your cheeks.

" I did see you. Before Harry. " he sighed and you felt your heart somehow lighter for tons. "I saw you walking down the corridor with your friends, laughing and teasing Draco...you were so happy...so grown up." this time a tear escaped his eye. " So obliviated by the fact of who I was to you...and I was afraid you would be scared if I came to you because you thought of me as a murderer. And after the holidays you came back different and I knew that you found out. Every time somebody mentioned Sirius Black, you flinched yet pretended to be fine." he paused for a moment before speaking again. " I couldn't do it. I couldn't face the hate you felt for me every single day since you found out. "

" I didn't hate you back then." you cut him off. " I hoped that you would come to me and tell me that you didn't kill that wizard. That you have an explanation for all of this...but you didn't. And I waited for you for a year and stopped after I realized you just didn't want to see me."

"But I did!" he took a hold of your hands and pulled you closer, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. " I did, Princess. I wanted to." he pulled you into a hug, squeezing you so tightly as he decided never to let go of you. " I love you so much. My life is nothing without you in it and Harry may be my godson but you will always be mine." he pulled away and cupped your cheeks. " You gave me three the most amazing years of my life. Even when you told me you hated me I found it a blessing just to see your eyes, your hair..a Slytherin-wow." tears streamed down his cheeks as well on yours. " So bloody proud of you." he sobbed, smiling before he pulled away and cupped your cheeks once again. " And I'm sorry. I am so so sorry for what I put you through."

#sirius #Sirius Black #sirius black imagine #James Potter #james potter imagine #Remus Lupin #remus lupin imagine #peter pettigrew imagine #peter pettigrew #george weasley #george weasley imagine #george weasley x reader #fred weasley #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley x reader #weasley twins #golden trio era

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