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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

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1 June 2023 Thursday 1:55 pmpt

If I was made to do something that is unnatural for a female to do, which I think I am 100% now, (green auto save 1:56 pmpt) then would it be possible for you to believe that a lot of things I did or failed to do, could have happended for same or similar reasons: being tricked? 1:57 pmpt the things that people condemn me for no matter what the result was, if there were at most only a few small scratches and small bruises or none at all? Bcz some people based on one reality would condemn, but some people in another reality might not if I am a specific special type of person? It’s hard for me to write ✍️ exactly what those realities are and all the options. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ myself. (Weird hot searing pain making me confused 2:01 pmpt) they’re telling me I’m trash 🗑. But they’re giving me all these weird feelings that I didn’t always have. My guess Bcz I read the giver in elementary school 🏫 that someone close by I was made to have their feelings. So, like I wrote 2? Posts ago: source donor. 2:03 pmpt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if I was actually deprived of stuff: vitamins etc. but all I can remember is that my (green auto save thru keyboard ⌨️ 2:05 pmpt) pee was yellow for the longest time. And I’m not tall. In high school 🏫 b4 moving to blossom hill I think 💭 I have the memory of trying to do what the doctors 🥼 said: drink more water 💦. One day I did it all at once to play catch up 🆙. I got a tummy ache. Bcz my stomach was full of only water 💦. Weird now that I think about it. Hot butt pain 2:07 pmpt

2:21 pmpt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if my eczema was (hot searing butt pain 2:22 pmpt) a test for specific type of people. 2:23 pmpt tummy ache 😖!

2:25 pmpt I once was told I looked anorexic. So maybe 🤔 I was made to look 👀 like I have been malnourished? 2:25 pmpt

2:32 pmpt if you never had a major accident, head trauma, and were never abused and malnourished, would that be the perfect set up 🆙 to see your true nature ? 2:33 pmpt 2:34 pmpt but I guess it don’t matter. If all people are the same. Animals.

6:52 pmpt 6:53 pmpt the incubus/miñion thinks it is justified to sprinkle acid over my whole vagina a minute ago. I never attacked anyone with acid. 6:54 pmpt I was recalling what I wrote yesterday? And then they attacked me. That happens a lot. I will recall something I wrote or said and then like clockwork they attack. Which means they were probably making me recall it, so that I know the reason for the attack , without their verbal explanation 6:56 pmpt.

6:56 pmpt why was I even born? I wish I wasn’t. This torture is vicious. 6:57 pmpt heinous.

6:57 pmpt they like to sterilize the idea of their actions to justify it and give themselves a cleaner image. 6:58 pmpt it’s still torture. Makes me wish I was never born.

6:59 pmpt they always insult me calling me trash 🗑. 7 pmpt I think someone who enjoys torturing people (includes retaliation for thinking 💭 the worse in them and suspecting the worse in them after they showed a lot of enjoyment in torturing me and destroying my things when I have no money left and they already broke me depriving me of the ability to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ for long periods of time ... 7:01 pmpt and they have the same job title as the demon angels who made dugard’s repeated rape happen and probably many other girls and women..) I really don’t see how they could be better than me. 7:02 pmpt but whatever. I don’t know them. Only what they are capable of making happen. But that doesn’t seem to determine their self worth. Unless they are really good at living in denial. 7:03 pmpt in a lot it tv dramas 🎭 in the times I was growing up 🆙, people who had power no money to hire hitmen were as guilty as the people committing the crimes. 7:04 pmpt they seem to have the guts and stomach to witness it for years and let it happen and make it happen Bcz it is not happening to them. (Themselves 10:06 pmpt d*mn incubus miñion keeps changing my text) 7:05 pmpt

7:24 pmpt dugard’s kidnapping can probably also be categorized as s*x trafficking? And the p*lice 👮‍♂️ And the doctors 🥼 let him go to probably do it again. 7:26 pmpt so literally. This is one version of it, and the p*lice and doctors 🥼 being complicit. And demon angels. 7:28 pmpt

7:29 pmpt makes me think 💭 there are no decent humans in power. 7:29 pmpt

9:32 pmpt felt an attack on an organ in the upper right abdomen area. 9:33 pmpt

10:07 pmpt I think 💭 he burned my stomach again. And throat and ear 👂 10:07 pmpt 10:08 pmpt

10:18 pmpt my abdomen has been feeling uncomfortable since they attacked it more and revealed the soreness of 2 organs, the bruised feelings of another organ. They also stabbed another organ a lot b4 this. They wanted to make me feel very uncomfortable after I had thought 💭 it maybe wasn’t that bad. They are always like that. They love torture. They love s*xual torture. Of women and children 👶. They like slow tortured death ☠️. I think 💭 I am dead ☠️ inside. 10:22 pmpt

10:24 pmpt my abdomen has been feeling heavier and more uncomfortable now that they slashed it or whatever they did inside. They are attacking my spine now. My abdomen didn’t feel heavy b4 until they damaged it more. Feels like I’m carrying dead ☠️ weight I’m afraid. Adam Noah Levine lied 🤥 that he loved 🥰 me. If you saw all the weird stories he’s been putting up like behati holding Calvin Klein jeans 👖 upside down, to communicate to his fans, “don’t worry, the children 👶 are genetically behati’s, not mine, eve Though he changed the baby’s eye 👁 color to brown, which you can’t get with blue and green only, which are behati’s eye 👁 colors. The baby in pink with black hair who cries when the incubus’ music 🎶 gets turned off. He wanted me to think that’s gio, w/ brown eyes 👀 and to think she looks like me. So he’s a liar 🤥. He likes to add insult to injury and death ☠️. The makings of a trait of a nice guy. Not. 10:32 pmpt

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11:33 pmpt he had 3 fingers out for “ lil babies” 👶 picture

11:43 pmpt this was b4 the (autocorrect game end s 11:44 pmpt) sumner stroh stuff right? So he’s intentionally using that picture of behati to really mean dna 🧬 genes 🧬 jeans 👖 Bcz he’s screwing with other people so he has to indicate who the children’s 👶 mother is? Even though the babies 👶 literally come out of her.... ? Otherwise why jeans 👖 =. Genes 🧬? Of lil babies 👶 (he edited out his middle finger which was there sticking out when this was in the story. He hacked my pictures! Otherwise ,,,, would we have to assume surrogacy??????????!? Should we not assume already? Why point it out? No one questioned him. 11:48 pmpt he likes to mess with us!

12:20 am pt he has been editing my pictures and rearranging the pictures. I can see the middle finger from the photo app but it’s hard for me to see here. “lil babies” is dated June 23 2022 and the behati jeans 👖 June 26 2022. 12:22 am pt

1:52 am pt I wrote power AND money 💰, above. They keep changing it. They burned me a lot the past hour. It’s not fair. My arm is becoming red. 1:54 am pt

1:55 1:56 am pt the mesh on the Nike baby 👶 shoes 👟 is reminding me of shoes 👟 I bought in 2010? And 2015. 1:57 am pt I went to Boston in may 2010. 1:57 am pt and New York. 1:58 am pt nothing matters anymore. He played games with my head. It seems that the world 🌎 I lived in wasn’t what I thought 💭 it was. It’s a lot scarier. And weirder. And everything seems.. topsy turvy upside down. 2 am pt 2:01 am pt. I guess burning 🔥 me to death ☠️ is a great way to let us know which personality is real. The one who will make us look horrible and then insult us fir how we look. 2:02 am pt after toying with us and our feelings. 2:03 am pt after tricking us and using us like puppets. 2:04 am pt

3:30 🕞 am pt incubus keeps on burning 🔥 my back and rib cage areas. I probably do have black lung 🫁 like he said in the making of Sunday morning music 🎶 video on Ryan dusick’s Instagram. I wish I was never born but they seemed to really want me born even though they knew I was going to be whatever I am. It’s apparent Bcz of my family’s names. I wish I was never born. They like to make babies 👶 born to be tortured Bcz they like to torture people. It’s probably their favorite hobby. 3:35 am pt some people wondered if people who get tattoos are masochists. Do masochists like to torture people? 3:36 am pt

3:56 am pt the guy I believe is the incubus miñion I think is ≈6 feet tall or taller. NASA backpack 🎒? Dark brown? Hair. White skin. Probably has an arrogant walk. 3:58 am patroon (4am pt room) to the right hand 🤚 side of my room. 3:59 am pt

4:24 am pt I wrote many posts ago about the story of Melissa cuen at the double tree hotel 🏨 on prom night talking with a New York accent for the first time and gushing the name “ADAM.” And then my attention or rather my ability to focus on what she was saying stopped 🛑. What if the incubus timing ⏱ of approaching her on prom night was strategically planned.... to be where a lot of teens were at once with access to beds 🛌. 🥺😵🤐😰 4:27 am pt

4:54 am pt I think 💭 they punished me with more lemon 🍋 juice 🧃. I can taste 👅 the sourness of it and my throat feels dryer. 4:55 am pt yuck. I felt pain inside. 4:56 am pt

10:04 am pt 10:05 Bcz my organs seem to be dying/being killed off, I guess that means incubus is REALLY incubus. That part isn’t a lie. I’m afraid. Probably closer to the original meaning of goat 🐐? In the dictionaries of early 80’s. 10:06 am pt if child m*lestaltion and rape really happened for a long time then I see a reason why women would hide away and find hobbies. (Acid throat pain 10:08 am pt) why does a fire 🔥 burn? 10:09 am pt this morning i woke up to an intense ray of sun 🌞 on my window 🪟 very early. Is this normal? I don’t think 💭 it is? I think 💭 they don’t like intelligent women. So they prefer them younger. 10:11 am pt Bcz my organs are dying, maybe 🤔 tht is the reason why I’m close but far from the incubus. Liza might really be mine then? But he doesn’t really want me. Could I be genetically the reincarnation of the first god? 10:14 am pt

4:40 pmpt they seemed to have deleted a line to correct a sentence they edited. Now they’re trying o make me forget the sentence. They want me and others to believe that they are giving out punishment to those who would have committed crimes. I think it speaks more to what they themselves enjoy doing if they are the ones actually doing it. How do we know ourselves when are brains 🧠 are being tampered with and controlled? 4:43 pmpt and tricked? And made addicted? . Sh*tty. 4:44 pmpt our brains 🧠. Tired 😴 4:45 ribs pain left back.

#prom

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

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12:16 am pt 31 may 2023 Wednesday

After I saw Scott wrote on his Facebook that I’m a whore, in that moment in I think July 2010, I decided I was going to be celibate until I found the right man. I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t a whore. Words can be empty and meaningless when they’re lies. I really didn’t want to be a whore. 12:19 am pt but now that I’m falling apart, I wish now that I was! Even more!!!!! 12:20 am pt

12:21 am pt my aunt who had a baby at age 42? She said she was a virgin until she got married. She even said in 2015 that she wish she wasn’t a virgin. 12:22 am pt mayb being a virgin runs in the family? My mom’s first pregnancy resulted from being black out drunk. And she was always working up until that party, her whole life. She said she usually got in trouble with her mom if she ever tried to sneak out to have fun. She always had that bad luck, but all her siblings got to sneak out and not get caught. 12:24 am pt

12:25 am pt except I got the Saint Lucia/Mickey mouse toy curse.

12:44 am pt incubus miñions are my neighbors. They’re making the place shake a lot more louder than me. It sounds like maybe they’re jumping. Angryly. Destruction of buildings seems to be in their job descriptions. 12:46 am pt

12:47 am pt a lot of women stay in abusive relationships Bcz incubus makes them stupid enough to stay. And then they die. 12:48 am pt I was stupid to see Scott again in 2007, and 2010.

12:49 am pt incubus miñion warned me all men are heinous. All including Scott Cano? I guess????? & unfortunately I guess incubus then, too. 12:50 am pt it’s unfortunate that he thought it was ok to pretend he was my husband and then burn me almost to death many times to say NOT! I probably am nearly dead inside. 😞😤🥵😖😭 at least I tried to like whoever I was with. It wasn’t a joke I was playing on anyone. But he didn’t want to understand or see it that way. It seems now. 12:54 am pt

12:55 am pt oh I’m making that assumption Bcz I found Hanes men underwear 🩲 in my room. 12:56 am pt

1:26 am pt I’m thinking now maybe 🤔 he did understand but he was going to pretend he doesn’t understand Bcz he doesn’t like me and he wants me dead ☠️. 1:27 am pt

This has gone way too far. I think the world 🌎 will never change. And if men really like to rape 11 year olds then why and how would it stop 🛑 if that’s who they naturally are? 1:29 am pt me, I can argue that a lot of unnatural things were done to me. So unnatural results occurred. 1:29 am pt

2:40 am pt anatomy I think 💭 has to do with the shapes of structures like bones 🦴 and organs? Physiology I think 💭 has to do with function of those structures. If woman cannot rape man Bcz she “can’t make love to a bush” an unerect p*nis, then rape is inherently a man/male only trait. Kissing and touching leads to s*x, so a predatory male who wants to have s*x is more probable to initiate those actions to get to the s*x/rape. 2:44 am pt

2:48 am pt therefore desires/hormones would have to be traced back to the source donor. To really eradicate the problem. 2:49 am pt therefore truly a man would have to pay the price. 2:49 am pt

3 am pt I have been seeing headlines of weird cases online.

4:27 am pt when an incubus touches a woman 👩🏼 in an intimate way, don’t be fooled. They only want you to not arrest them for their s*x crimes. 4:28 am pt they want you to stay quiet 🤐.

4:29 am pt when an incubus tells you he loves you, it’s a lie. He might as well be holding up a mirror 🪞 and telling it to himself. He will only love 💕 himself. 4:30 🕟 am pt

4:39 am pt I feel pain in my throat that is probably a hole 🕳 from being eaten by acid repeatedly. The incubus/miñion, when I had my eyes closed, put his or her mouth 👄 on my neck under chin area and closed their mouth 👄 sliding it shut. So it felt intimate. And they’ve been doing this to me forget how long probably at least a whole month. So, if they do that to you, beware. It’s not a good sign 🪧. They all lie about love 💕. Like David Scott cano, and they are “bros.” Guilty by association. Birds of a feather flock together. 4:42 am pt “Brendan” wanted to buy me airplane tickets 🎫 when I was 16 years old to see him to have s*x with him, back in 2001. So Bcz they’re “bros”, best friends, we have to suspect cano does the same thing. In 2010 after I saw Scott again, I got a phone call ☎️ from a private number. She said she was a friend of a friend of a friend etc of scott. She told me a friend of his also did that sudden no condom s*x thing, cat hair thing?, to someone. She seemed to be telling me Bcz it seemed to be trending among his friends. Sometime we see in movies guys try to do bets. They try to out do the other. 4:47 pmpt 4:48 pm pt. I’m guessing this person heard me getting upset at Scott when I complained about taking plan b. 4:48 am pt

4:53 am pt this thing is never going to be over. I can tell. Bcz I’m dying 😵. 4:56 am pt I realized this now, that neighborhood is very quiet. I don’t recall hearing anyone around. Probably could hear a pin drop from the other side of the street. The only thing Scott complained about were the sound of birds in the morning. 4:57 am pt

5:19 am pt incubus protects other rapists. And he likes to kill women he had s-*x with. So, it makes sense that he would mess with a woman 👩🏼 zombify her to make her do things that she wouldn’t normally do but is characteristic of .... 5:21 am pt

5:22 am pt Scott had a friend named Marisa. She seemed to have a crush on him and they knew each other probably since high school 🏫. He seemed to start messing with her after he stopped seeing me, and b4 Courtney. I’m not sure but I think 💭 he was using her for something and wasn’t genuine when he started hanging out with her. I had took her shopping at a little grocery store 🏬. She probably showed him which store 🏬. She wrote on Facebook “hanging out with a brother from another mother.” And she posted a picture of herself blushing 😊. I read online blushing is a sign 🪧 a girl likes you. It was probably for Scott. Then on his wall after he seemed to pull away from her she wrote Scott likes boobies. It was basically a tactic to try to get attention. About a year later she got a new boyfriend and wrote she was so thankful she found someone who didn’t have something wrong with him. I think 💭 he hurt Marisa. And set her up for disappointment. 5:27 am pt

5:52 am pt guys like an easy loose girl for themselves but not for anyone else. 5:53 am pt

I5:55 am pt Scott probably touched Marisa’s boobs. A guess. 5:56 am pt

11:09 am pt the incubus is willing to hurt me this much for things he tricked me into doing. He is willing to change (lie) about the past (autocorrect acid 11:11 hot acid? Butt pain). Example: my drawings. Pictures of my face.to show me that he doesn’t care or he doesn’t want people to know that he told Nick v/b I was a whore and he probably used me. And probably use it psychologically to break me down by losing the opportunity to date someone I started liking too late. I think 💭 Adam Noah Levine is dishonest and dishonorable. I think 💭 he’s embracing who he really is when he tortures and kills me and hides truth from me. 11:17 am pt

3:57 pmpt I think 💭 i figured it out: when a man 👨 asks to have s*x with you, and he hasn’t said: I love 💕 you be my girlfriend/wife - it probably means he has already decided you aren’t the one ☝️ for him to marry, he’s going to stop 🛑 seeing you soon 🔜, and he’s going to try to get whatever he can from you (acid mouth 👄 pain 4 pm) for instant gratification to hold him off? Until the next interested girl shows up 🆙. He already decided you’re a whore. 4:01 pmpt

4:02 pmpt stop 🛑 trying to like him to see if he could potentially be your husband. It’s the end. Either you enjoy the s*x and acknowledge to yourself this is the end reallly of dating this guy, or you go back home 🏠. Know that this is highly probably the case. I formerly heard if a guy really likes you he’s careful about how far he goes with how soon 🔜 like Heath ledger in 10 things I hate about you. 4:05 pmpt

6:52 pmpt I didn’t touch the skin of children. They tend to touch anything and sometimes they are covered in snot and anything germy 🦠. Even at work when the eczema got bad on my hands 🙌 I wore gloves 🧤. The skin of my hands 🙌 got very dry easily Bcz I washed my hands a lot. I was ocd about it sometimes especially if I had to fold laundry 🧺. Maybe other things too like when preparing food 🍲. Ever since high school 🏫 probably senior year it was especially troublesome. It started out like that in elementary school 🏫 when the eczema started when I was 8 years old. I had an episode of washing my hands 🙌 a lot Bcz it was already dry and I had the misconception that washing it would rehydrate it/moisturize it. A momentary misconception. 6:58 pmpt

7:03 pmpt I was prescribed medication for my eczema every year since I was 8 years old for my eczema. My first boyfriend was very clean 🧼 and conscientious probably about hygiene 🪥 with the exception of his pillow for some reason (I complained about it). But that’s the only thing I probably ever complained about. He was half Asian and wanted to be Japanese I guess even though he wasn’t. He liked anime and took Japanese language classes and karate 🥋 and a holistic medicine class. He was allergic to cats 🐈 but they had a cat 🐱. But she could never come into his room. 7:08 pmpt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

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30 may 2023 11:13 am pt Tuesday

There’s still another part of the story that they gave me a hard time about that they wanted me to tell and I had reason for withholding it.

11:45 am pt I have thought about it. He seems to be interfering with me now on telling it. I think he did not understand what was going on completely or he understood and was hoping and thinking that I didn’t understand what was going on with me. Auto save green box. He won’t (throat cutting pain 11:49 am pr) it gives another meaning to servo, sc*tservo email, that he probably thought I would not see. I first interpreted this year, if you are caught doing something bad then you become enslaved by servomechanisms. Also another way I interpreted earlier: for people who have free will and do what the demon lord tells you to do, and when you are caught, you pretend that you are servo completely and that you weren’t taking verbal instructions (even though you were). It’s like being in zombie land and pretending you’re also a zombie. I guess . But different. 11:55 am pt. The new way to interpret this, is when he is caught in a situation, servo is activated/used especially to save him by making the other person accommodate him (throat acid pain 11:57 am pt) like making me addicted to s*x again that it’s for me to say “no” and make me want it enough to ask for it. This part of the story has a weird parallel to the 2010 part (back pain and diarrhea cramps hot vag 😞😖😭 11:59 am left eyelid pain) when he bites me, & instead of (acid pain head 12 pm pt) running 🏃🏻‍♀️ away from him, I cave in to kissing him again soon after he bites me and seeing him for many days afterward. I think servo made me keep seeing him and be nicer to him when I probably should have ran away, especially since he was weirdly putting me in to a chokehold position in the middle of making out with him in 2007 probably b4 the s*x. The penetrating me w/o a condom was disrespectful and That should have also made me run away from him. After I yelled? At him at his front door 🚪 at his parents house 🏠 in Cupertino, I had an addiction problem to s*x and even asked on the phone ☎️ for a re-do. Even though I was numb. Felt no pleasure. I asked. I hope they didn’t servo me at that moment we had unprotected s*x. Bcz I did not feel any ejaculation. I think 💭 he pulled out. But I worried at the time about pre-cum that’s comes out b4 the full explosion ejaculation. I think 💭 they warned us in school 🏫 about it. I don’t remember how he took care of his ejaculation at the end. Maybe he came in the bathroom 🚽? I m hoping I don’t have children 👶 with him via incubus style surrogate. 12:11 pmpt when I went to UCB I again asked for it. He said he would come visit and try out my new bedsheets. I met someone new the first day and moved on really fast. I think 💭 I remembered feeling glad it was over Bcz he didn’t call ☎️ me back like he said he would. I think 💭 I only saw him 1 or 2 more times after august 6?(after the s*x one time 12:14 pmpt) he for some reason wanted me to hang out with his sister again and I was feeling extra shy so I didn’t agree to and he made it obvious he didn’t like that. 12:16 pmpt I think 💭 that’s what I remembered happened. I only remember those things I mentioned here and that there was no more s*x after that one time. 12:17 pmpt

12:23 pmpt the incubus miñion is trying to tell me all men are heinous underneath it all. That there isn’t a virtuous human being. That’s his justification for torturing me to death. I think he’s damaging the bottom of my stomach again. 12:25 pmpt that and he does not want his boss and Scott to look bad Bcz then he looks bad. 12:26 pmpt

12:27 pmpt 12:28 pm pt 12:29 pm pt I don’t think it is proper for anyone to pressure anyone into s*x. I did not know him well and we didn’t have that much time together. A month b4 unprotected s*x (acid throat pain 12:31 pmpt autocorrect said unplayable pretentious 12:32 pmpt) we didn’t have any conversations b4 that summer any of the times we saw each other. He said “hey! I know you!” In 2006. The longest conversation I think we had at that point was the first day I met him with his girlfriend Jessica on the car ride home and I was trying really hard not to show that I was attracted to him and I had glared at him to discourage any s*xual exchanges which I recall he had noticed Bcz he had a reaction to my glare. After that the incubus Himself walk past me and glared at me. A look of disgust was on his face. I think that probably was the chronology of events. Cause and effect. 12:36 pmpt

12:39 pmpt going back to... I heard a lot of tapping on other doors without talking. I think the demon angels are coordinating something for my death. Bcz it’s probably time for me to die. They’ve been opening my stomach sphincter very wide intentionally to hurt me. They did it a bunch of times already. Burning searing pain left butt thigh. 12:42 pmpt

12:43 am pt so you know, these incubus miñions don’t respect women. They only value teens. Teen pregnancies. If you’re 32 years old they think you’re gross. 12:44 pmpt

12:50 pmpt 12:51 pmpt 12:52 pm pt

2:42 pmpt side note b4 I continue the story: I was EXTREMELY h*rny in 2017 b4 the major part of the torture started. I wanted the incubus soBAD! I had been celibate for years and I realized d*mn I’m having difficulty controlling myself even more now! I said to him over and over I don’t know you we would have to hang out to know if we would really like each other. And he broke me down. In concert I saw online him cry singing “I need love” or I need some love. There was mom. I don’t remember the chronology exactly. There was other thing I remembered but they took it away again. I started m*sturbatg to the thought of him. So I basically started I guess throwing myself at him from home without writing it online. Only through the tv Bcz I thought he hacked my tv and installed something Bcz he had started talking to me through the tv, and there was news about Samsung TVs and the weeping angel hackers program from probably the cia. I don’t know anymore though. It was b4 he revealed he was god though I think... the start of it Bcz it was beginning 2017 I think with the weeping angel news report. 2:51 pmpt I’m nervous about the female reproductive system. But maybe I shouldn’t? There’s a lot of misinformation so it’s hard to know sometimes when I’m being mislead on something. And if I don’t know how sperm and egg things go/happen then it makes it harder to know what god/demon lord is up to. Bcz I don’t know if I’m being gas ⛽️🔥lit. Bcz then it challenges the idea of sperm banks and artificial insemination. I like to think that it’s possible to take a sperm and apply it later to an egg in a Petri dish. Otherwise I would have to question things. And it weakens my arguments about s*x trafficking. But we do have sperm banks. So... 2:56 pmpt idk 🤷🏻‍♀️😞😖🔥 the Typer jumped I put a bunch of spaces idk where. Saw the whole text wobble. 2:58 pmpt I’m going to assume sperm banks are useful and artificial insemination is possible (need to look that up so I know if I am using corrrect terminology 2:58 pmpt) 2:59 pmpt

3:09 pmpt I was conflicted. I became annoyed at him. I was physically attracted. But I also found some things annoying. Like at first his top lip looked unnatural like he got a bad plastic surgery on it. And I didn’t think he sang very well. I didn’t like the sound of his voice. In the Ferris buellers inspired ad for the voice his voice did go deep for about 3 seconds and now I can’t find the video of it. 3:12 pmpt and I thought I can’t date you unless you get divorced. And my mom kept saying he’s going to get a divorce or he might get a divorce. And then behati was on tv I think and said they weren’t going to divorce. He was trying to make it look like she controlled him and kept him prisoner. I saw a comment on Instagram on her good vibes only post someone wrote bad vibes. So I don’t know if he was gas lighting me or that was real. 3:14 pmpt 3:15 pm pt and he had been scaring me. The chronology is hard to recall exactly. I had very little trust a lot of times. But there was as one times that I believed and probably wanted to believe that someone loved me liked me was crazy about me. 3:17 pmpt but my experience is that guys will come off super excited to see you at the very beginning but after the s*x happens they eventually drop out. I haven’t dated a lot of guys but probably enough to see a pattern. 3:18 pmpt

3:29 pmpt Scott had a cat named Toby. But s/he? Wasn’t a short hair. I don’t know if he ever thought about nipples. I don’t remember Scott ever taking off his shirt for some reason. 3:31 pmpt probably categorized has medium or long haired cat. 3:31 pmpt

3:37 pmpt Toby was probably a boy cat. A full grown one. 3:38 pmpt there making it hard for me to breathe a lot now and they’re burning my butt which I think has shortened the butt bones. It makes me think this is the end of me. 3:39 pmpt

3:40 pmpt going back to the story. First I was going to write that there are times when I get annoyed at men I’m attracted to for some reason. I don’t remember what for each guy. And I would try to like them. And try to fight my feelings of attraction. It’s a part of my Saint Lucia curse of not being able to have what my sister has which is at the moment a happy marriage with children and being her own boss of their shared little company and having a house with a backyard and a dog. 3:43 pmpt going back to the story. Halloween 2007 I went to a party with Q and some other people to a house. Q had arranged for Scott to be the dj. He acted like nothing happened between us and was all smiles and friendly and told me I looked great. And I had these feelings come over me. Probably 5+ feet away with my back turned to the dj table from the dj table, I think it was them I told Q? That I couldn’t forgive him for what he did to me. I might have said the unprotected s*x and then not calling back. I was glad he didn’t call back, but I could argue that what he did was not right. 3:48 pmpt my memory is fuzzy about the exact words I said but it is highly probable that I said that. I was forcing myself too much to hang out with him in a way? Bcz when I went to half moon bay with him I think there were some butterflies and then on the way there they died. I tried kissing him to hope the feelings would return. In the way there I remember thinking I need him to keep talking to me so the butterflies grow into something more, and immediately after I thought this he stopped talking. I think all he did more than half the way there? Was smile and drive. 3:51 pmpt it was very overcast and windy. I remembered feeling sick. From trying to like him. 3:51 pmpt fast forward to 2010 I get a text from him asking “who’s this?” He was fishing to see if I had the same number. And then he tells me he didn’t call me back Bcz he lost his phone. I think he had hoped that I would never remember that we saw each other at the Halloween party. I don’t remember if I remembered immediately anymore. But all that time he could have got my number from Q. They had also got together again Bcz she asked him to make a T-shirt image to silk screen on T-shirts’ and I saw pictures of them standing in a group smiling wearing the T-shirt’s at San Jose state. 3:55 pmpt he obviously had a way to get in touch with me then. 3:55 pmpt that’s how I know he lied. Like I mentioned earlier post. 3:56 pmpt

4 pmpt with the drawing that was probably drawn July 4th 2007, a month b4 the s*x/rape, bone saws reeeady video on YouTube, not calling me back while I was at UCB, using words “want to make love” around July 4, 2010, pretending he lost my number with his phone, that he conveniently found again in 2010, telling his friend Jorge he was looking for me b4 we reconnected in end of may 2010, I think he likes to lie about love. He already had the intentions to destroy me b4 really putting effort into dating me. He lies about love. You can’t trust him. He might be secretly racist of Asians but want to f*ck them. Pearl Harbor. Which makes it more probable that he would do s*x trafficking of teens, of probably Sierra LaMar and others like her. 4:05 pmpt I met a man a man at a bar who was white and his wife was 1/8 Japanese. And he was sooo happy and said he was lucky she was into him. And he said Bcz she’s a 1/8 Japanese she has that “resilient skin.” 16 year olds with that still baby type of skin... I guess that’s what men like. 4:08 pmpt incubus ruined my skin all my life. There was a camp I heard about a few years ago for children with eczema. The girls with the least eczema were the ones that had the most love interests. 4:09 pmpt

4:43 pmpt I changed my diet and solved my eczema problems by 2016. My skin was so smooth soft white and when I stood next to the fence with a little sunlight there was a rainbow reflection. I was thinking am I like the vampires in twilight???? 4:44 pmpt

7:52 pmpt ever since I had eczema I had to be more and more careful about what I touched. My skin was sensitive. During my college years I had to talk antibiotics orally and apply it to my skin. I had wondered if I had caught something and I was paranoid and cleaned up after myself fearing I would pass something on to my cousin who was a kid. 7:57 pmpt. 7:58 pmpt in may 2010 my eczema went away briefly. I spent a lot of time with my first boyfriend and when I was not with him I was at school or a friend’s place, I was home usually by myself or with mom or my sister. 8 pmpt when I graduated from community college I had graduated with a special gold tassel that meant I earned a specific grade point average. I fulfilled the igetc agreement with more than a b average gpa, with help from learning disability services from 2005 onward. I enrolled full time I think every semester which was 12 units or more (mon ago had bad heart pain was it acid??? 😖😞😭🥺 8:04 pmpt). I kept busy. Went to community college for 4 years. Idle hands are the devil’s advocate? Playground? 8:06 pmpt and then transferred to university California Berkeley for 2 years. Got a full time job then lost it October 18, 2012 - day b4 Sierra LaMar’s bday same year she went missing. She would have been 16 years old. I focused on my health and went back to community college up until 2015? 8:09 pmpt I got addicted to anime and Korean dramedies and tried to cleanup and backup paperwork in case stuff happened to me and to try to reduce my stuff. 8:11 pmpt I thought Brendan Lean was my neighbor, stalking me. 8:11 pmpt

959 pmpt I think they wanted me to admit that I tried to get more s*x from Scott after I complained about having to take plan b, to his face. They keep making me think/feel I’m a hypocrite. They vtoke off a lot of bone. These things somehow grab on to big chunks and try to tear/bend to break off bone. They touched the part of my pubic bone 🦴 closest to btwn my thighs a minute ago. I’m hoping they change their mind. When some pieces come off all I can do is lie to myself that I probably don’t really need that. 10:03 pmpt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

Text

11:09 pmpt 28 may 2023 Sunday

Incubus miñion is talking with someone casually in his room like he’s in a good mood after he inflicted huge pain inside. Big cramps. I don’t know how. I don’t know if he pushed my sphincter wider open to try to damage it. It was horrible. He did it when I was feeling bad about something I did. And I was trying to see if I can talk myself out of writing about it. Makes him look like a s*xist pig by the timing of the pain. A lot of pain seems retaliated for my thoughts like the doctor said in 2017. Which doesn’t bode well for the character of demon angels considering they have a track record of telling men to kidnap and rape children. The demon angels seem like demonic immature men who have big egos and think they can take a few moments of your life and condemn you for something that was said to reflect a personality flaw that might actually be not as bad as being a s*xist pig who makes child rape happen and he justified it by saying it is necessary such as 13 year old girls becoming pregnant. 11:18 pmpt

11:19 pmpt he set up my charger to get broken to make it look like it is my fault it isn’t charging but I know it’s a hacker making it not charge. 11:20 pmpt He pulled it more when he came in. Tummy ache worse than b4. This is death. And he made a huge acid bubble in my throat after the lethal cramp. 11:22 pmpt I wrote b4 my cell phone lost charge that incubus is definitely lying about being my husband so he’s definitely lying about dugard not being raped. I keep picturing theta garrido probably only tapped the sphincter which caused me pain when they did that to me or that mayb they made it completely fold inward (acid throat pain 11:24 pmpt) he’s killing me. He is a dirty liar. All of them. 11:25 pmpt he looks like a thug Bcz that’s what he is. A thug. He organized s*x crimes. Of minors. There’s no stopping them. They do it Bcz it gives them thrills. 11:26 pmpt

11:27 pmpt so the thing I was trying to see if I can talk myself out of writing about and then he decided to viciously torture me: Brandon He dated myla. They went to the other high school. He suddenly became “gay.” I guess after they broke up. She took nude pictures of herself and gave it to a new guy. He somehow got the pictures. And he wrote a webpage basically whore shaming her and if you want he will give copies of the pictures to you. I think that’s what I remembered. He got very upset at me Bcz I inadvertently told her. I thought she knew already and I accidentally told on him. I was supposed to talk him into taking down the webpage but I failed the last time I talked to him on the phone. She wanted me to talk him out of it and said she cared about him. But I chickened out in saying the words. He got very upset with me. He had Bible verses on his aol away messages. 11:32 pmpt

11:49 pm pt I guess they stretched out her sphincter when they tazed her. Bcz she said she lost control of her bladder then. 11:51 pmpt

1:32 am pt it hurts when food comes out of my stomach. It only takes 2 seconds for gas to come out of my *ss. I’m wondering what other news and stuff I should not believe if he wants me to believe that dugard wasn’t really raped. Maybe everything I see then is make believe. 1:36 am pt the destruction of my body is not imaginary. After I wrote everything here do people really believe I deserved to go through this tortured death? I guess they don’t really care and they won’t have to until it happens to them. They will give signs “cut off her legs” until it’s their legs and then they will admit they should have been standing up for me when I’m gone. That’s probably the reality incubus will have to face himself. 1:41 am pt he can go suck on his miñions d*cks including Cano’s. 1:42 am pt his miñion gives signs they bow down to him. Must mean they give heaf when they do that. Bcz even rapists do what he says. That’s bowing down to him right? I’m not going to stop believing in child rape victims. I don’t have any incentive to considering he’s destroyed me and gave me signs that he was borrowing Brendan Lean’s aol account. But it doesn’t matter Bcz he’s getting rid of me. The most tortured way possible. 1;46 am pt

2:04 am pt when you destroyed a little person... it is death . He killed parts of me. 2:06 am pt I don’t think I can have s*x anymore... Bcz he reduced my butt length and did weird stuff to my back. 2:08 am pt

2:11 am pt incubus miñion wants me to believe he knows me even though he looks younger than me. 😞😵🙄 you can never know me. You don’t know anyone. My mind was always manipulated. I did not like drinking water when I was younger and I had dry skin? Eczema. Doctors would tell me to drink more water. There were foods I avoided. I was given periods. Men will never admit the curses demon angels/lords put on females to make us have more difficult lives. Men are demonic. 2:19 am pt

2:23 am pt “Brendan” usually asked me what I was wearing. Once I wore very big grey sweat pants. It was comfortable. And I told him. He liked the idea of loose clothing. 2:25 am pt in 2017 I saw something about the incubus and he repeated that as if he were the same person. It shocked me. 2:26 am pt I keep finding things . No make up on none of that shy sh*t. Quiet girls and coffee.. I couldn’t wear makeup Bcz of my sensitive skin. I read a magazine article that said he doesn’t like shaving, it’s like he really wants to toy with my feelings to get a reaction out of me and then torture me to death. 2:30 am pt

2:57 am pt it doesn’t matter Bcz police are corrupt. He tells everyone not to help me: I’m dying he’s killing me. I’m not a whore to him . 2:58 am pt literally if he was “Brendan”. 2:59 3:06 am pt

3:06 am pt I look like I am dead to him. 3:07 am pt

3:49 am pt they made me ruin my new phone charger. Incubus miñion made my new tooth brushes smell like trash. He also scratched and pricked? My skin all over my back. He won’t leave me alone. He’s a bully. 3:51 am pt

11:34 am pt Monday 29 may 2023 I hate demon angels incubus miñions. I was celibate for years hoping to wait until I found the right man. I was nice to my cousin even though she punched me in the head and killed my ability to work with out difficulty. They condemned me for something my aunt did but I wasn’t allowed to be mad at her and give her a hard time ever. I am punished for embarrassing Nick v./b. And probably Brandon d. I am punished for saying “I love you” to a stranger online I have never met b4 -“Brendan” - who the incubus wanted me to believe he was borrowed the account of Bcz he went there for five towns college and Jane Herman and French woods camp 11:41 am pt. He was there when 9/11/2001 happened and got the dove tattoo that is now covered up a black christanthemum. He doesn’t mean anything he says and whatever he does is an act to save face for the more awful things he does/did. 11:44 am pt I am punished over and over again for a harmless little push on the grass field I did in kindergarten with out malice. “Karma” happened over again in 100000000% (im not counting the zeros) worse ways from the kindergarten push. 11:47 am pt I never seeked to kill anyone in my life b4. Now I’m realizing a lot of people have been trying to kill me. 11:49 am pt a lot of random people came up to me and told me I was pretty but now I don’t know if they were honest... but Nick v/b wanted to have s*x with me and it didn’t seem to matter if he liked me enough to make me his girlfriend. I’m not sure now if that means the attraction was strong but he already knew he wanted someone else . Maybe he knew I was poorer than other girls at school. In middle school I wore some Payless shoes. They have lesser known brands. 11:54 am pt

12:36 pm pt I was nice to Q even though she set me up with Scott. 12:37 pm pt I was nice to Q even though she told me it was my fault for having s*x w/ Scott. Something like that. Trying to remember what she said. 12:38 pm pt. I told her we had s*x. Didn’t label it as rape back then. 12:39 pm pt. I guess maybe she was indirectly calling me a whore and taking advantage of my stupidity? To say it indirectly like that. I was punished for embarrassing Scott by telling people we had s*x. 12:40 pm pt

12:43 pmpt when even you are early 20s sometimes your self esteem is so broken psychologically that you think you can’t keep a guy interested in you unless you give into the s*x, the first and early come ons. You don’t know if you can keep them interested in you even if you try to do things right with them. They still try to suck you into the early s*x and then they tell other people that you are “crazy” and they don’t know what’s wrong with you and they act like it’s purely your fault. Guys only want s*x with you if the incubus tells them that they can have that from you. And the thing is you usually won’t find this out until he takes away you’re fertility and you’ve wasted your life away alone in shame trying not to be a whore. 12:47 pm pt with a lot of unsatisfactory s*x and a lot of self hate and hate from others. 12:48 pm pt I think I have been punished for trying not to be a whore and for having an addiction they built up in me since I was 4 years old with Mickey Mouse plush toy. 12:49 pm pt from being a child of divorce. From being poor. My uncle was rich. But we lived very separate lives except for a few times a year we visited. But later on my dad told me he paid him back for food after each visit. 12:51 pmpt even though he was a teacher of a high school in Oakland living in a studio that was being eaten by termites, originally was a garage converted into a studio by an amateur carpenter the son of the landlord and no garbage service. So he composted and shared with the neighbors cat. He re-used whatever he could b4 throwing away. Composting was simple: dig a hole and put in the scraps. That’s it. He had a little patch/yard of grass. 12:56 pmpt he fixed the bathroom wall eaten by termites by stuffing it with clay. He was afraid of complaining Bcz he was afraid of raised rent. He got a cellphone Bcz the landline was unreliable he said. We used antenna rabbit ears until he could afford cable/dsl? Internet service. He bought a computer in 2001? Bcz he planned to find a girlfriend in a cheaper country and move there. Otherwise he used his typewriter b4 that. He made his own things and wore second hand clothing and didn’t care if he accidentally bleached his clothing and it looked like he didn’t know how to do laundry so his clothing doesn’t become discolored. He got rid of things when he bought something new. He did lesson plans by hand. He complained he was lonely and no woman was interested in dating him in the United States Bcz he wasn’t rich. He lost his first fiancé to a rich man I think. He did art in his spare time. 1:05 pmpt he formerly was able to make tables. 1:06 pmpt

1:09 pmpt my dad stopped making wood tables Bcz he got an accident with a power tool. It partially ripped out his nails. The incubus really has motive to destroy me in every way Bcz he had given me signs that it was likely he is “Brendan.” And he used his incubus powers to rape me. 1:11 pmpt so he’s willing to sacrifice me to show he doesn’t care about me. 1:12 pmpt and if we have kids together that he’s hiding from the world, then he doesn’t want anyone else to have me. So he did fake outs with giving me guys with too short p*nis for a while, and adequate or more than adequate one time each = total of 2 times. But with Scott he numbed me. and he messed with my feelings to make me have to take responsibility for everything and make Scott look innocent in every way. 1:15 pmpt

1:16 pmpt the incubus likes to fake out, Bcz he has a lot to hide. That people would not approve of = ideally ungodly behaviors. So he makes the truth look like lies to keep people guessing. 1:17 pmpt

1:35 pmpt Nick v/b probably called me a 2-face I suspect Bcz I told people about the friends with benefits and he didn’t want people to know. He did not want to talk to me at school b4 classes where people might see. He didn’t want me calling his house but he didn’t want to tell me upfront so he made it look like it was my fault to me after the one time I called his house and his mom picked up. My friend called his house with me beside her. His little brother picked up the phone. I’m guessing he probably made his little brother pick up the phone. She said he had a s*xy voice. He didn’t seem to ask her name. Maybe he had ways of finding out who calls? Maybe he didn’t ask? She asked him who he wanted to date. He said a cheerleader’s name who had white skin light green eyes dark brown hair. My name was never mentioned. So it looks like he didn’t want people to know he was even talking to me online. He always started off online saying he’s h*rny. And when he ejaculated he said bye. There was nothing else to the conversations. 1:45 pmpt the one time he wanted me to write a s*x fantasy I tried to write a picnic lunch date and he complained it’s all wrong. Needs details like “dick in clit” and I think that is when he asked if I could come to his work [Bcz he wanted to make that s*x fantasy come true]. There was no other substance to his conversations. He didn’t want people to know about me. 1:48 pmpt I’m guessing his work usually doesn’t have people coming over from high school. He probably was able to talk people into specific schedules or he relied on the incubus to make it come true. 1:50 pmpt If told Nick I was being tested then he had a lot of reasons to believe that the incubus wasn’t controlling me to make it happen and he probably lied to Nick and said I didn’t really have to go to my dad’s that weekend. I probably could have rescheduled to stay with mom. But I back then I think I usually tried not to rock the boat. If the incubus was really interested in trying me, he probably preferred a Virgin. Autocorrect. 1:55 pmpt

2:07 pmpt for a while I wanted to believe that Nick was just afraid of commitment so he wasn’t as sweet to me as he wanted to be and when I started talking to “Brendan” there were some times that he would come on immediately after Nick logged off line. So I fantasized that Nick was pretending to be “Brendan.” I told a few people including an adult. The adult seemed to not care what I told her I see now. No interventions. She was around my moms age. She did once help me get ready for a dance so maybe I shouldn’t write her off. And then that’s how I found out through my friend there were additional ways to have messenger without the full aol. Aim in 2 different apps. So you can log on with 3 different screen names at once. When I said yes to Nick for the friends with benefits I thought it would get my foot the door to be his girlfriend. 2:13 pmpt Ibroke things off with Nick eventually. I tested “Brendan” to see if he was really Nick by calling him. And I was shocked that he wasn’t Nick when I heard his voice on the phone. 2:14 pmpt

2:15 pmpt a detail I forgot to write above: after some times of seeing “Brendan”’s screen name appear online after Nick logged off, he started showing up at the same time as Nick so I had to find out if there was a way for more than 1 screen name to be online at the same time from the same computer, which turned out to be true, coincidentally? 2:17 pmpt

2:17 pmpt I think this “Brendan” was toying with me! 2:18 pmpt

2:31 pmpt he is probably only wanting to save Brendan Lean. The thought suddenly comes to me now. I guess he wants to make it look like Brendan lean didn’t have the phone s*x and cyber internet s*x with me and that he was only using his account which was I guess why he had his Friendster on full display showing his pictures and disclosing his age.year of the monkey. Gemini. 2:34 pmpt why he controlled my feelings and thoughts so Brendan lean wouldn’t get in trouble for something the incubus used his account for, but Derek v. Would get found out and my mom showing up to the police with his information to verify if it was really him and not a catfish. 2:36 pmpt

2:42 pmpt when I saw Brendan Lean’s information indicating his age to be 5 years older than me I should have reported him. But probably the thoughts of that he broke it off with me, and we didn’t meet up, (and maybe his attractiveness had something to do with it) so it was like he had yet to really follow through with anything bad and maybe he won’t try it again Bcz he’s showing his face and he’s admitting he lied about his age indirectly. 2:45 pmpt I allowed him to almost have a clean slate. 2:46 pmpt so I. Fantasized for many years if we ever would accidentally run into each other. 2:47 serendipity. Like if I went to New York and ran around and tested the fates to see if they really existed and if we were meant to be. 2:47 pmpt

2:48 pmpt Derek was really nice and 99% platonic? Or very much talking with me about anything and didn’t pressure me in anyway to have s*x with him. He even gave me his mom’s phone number so my mom could talk to his mom. 2:50 pmpt but my mom was too scared and thought entire families can be catfish to kidnap minors for anything including prostitution I think was what was in her mind. She always watched the news while eating dinner. 2:51 pmpt

So now I’m guessing and coming to the conclusion that he’s only allowed me to write

2:55 pmpt to save Brendan Lean but not to save myself. But I still am not liking that he was my neighbor in California and that he was probably around when Sierra LaMar went missing. 2:57 pmpt feels like a lot of potential for gas lighting to me. 2:57 pmpt

3:16 pmpt I gave my copy of serendipity to my coworker to borrow. I forced it on her 😓😵 stupidly so she forgot to give it back to me. She took it home and seemed to have forgotten about it. 3:18 pmpt searing hot pain butt

3:38 pmpt if enough exposure to any hormones can change a brain into a man or woman brain is how life is formed, then the brain can be trained and changed with any chemical. Why is my sister acceptable? But I’m not? My sister is very popular and is married and has children? Why are there transgendered people? Bcz demon lord is using us for experiments. 3:41 pmpt tongue hot and acid pain. I’ve read a lot of material and I thought a lot about it. Demon angels are forever biased towards lies Bcz they want justification even if they have to lie . Even if it’s a lie. They intentionally lie to justify. 3:43 pmpt

3:47 pmpt now he’s trying to reintroduce skin color as a personality factor. My skin is white. But maybe it should be browner? Maybe I have completely bleached skin Bcz of demon angels. Vitiligo. 3:49 pmpt I don’t know. Are brains all the same colors? In every human? Even the bottom of black peoples feet are almost like a white persons feet. The whites of the eyes. If you skin is brown are you more silly? Funny? 3:51 pmpt I probably need to review comedians and do a survey. Maybe I’m grumpy bitchy Bcz I have severe vitiligo and I don’t know it. 3:53 pmpt

3:54 pmpt maybe I have bad traits Bcz they’re trying to make me that way since I was little. I did try to be seductive when I was 4 years old. I think that’s too early. Weird. 3:55 pmpt tummy ache.

3:56 pmpt maybe I’m this way Bcz I have been tortured and told I was trash. 3:57 pmpt

4:03 pmpt there are a lot of crazy people so you know that demon lord knows how to make people crazy 4:04 pmpt

4:05 pmpt god is grate beer is good people are crazy. The gods must be crazy that’s a movie. 4:06 pmpt

4:12 pmpt in 2017 my mom was talking as if she was personally friends with Adam Noah Levine and she said he was crazy about me. Sometime after that she had to go to Georgia for work thing conference and her return flight for redirected to Los Angeles and she had to stay in a hotel over night. Toying with me! 4:14 pmpt I think that was the chronology. Maybe it was the other way around. 4:15 pmpt now she has no memory of it.

4:16 pmpt I guess i

4:18 pmpt I’m guessing he has been altering my brain so I feel motivated to commit suicide. So I know that there is no happy ending for me. He’s given all the happy drugs to everyone else. 4:20 pmpt somehow I was nice enough to have s*x with until now. 4:21 pmpt I everything (door slam 4:21 pmpt) if people you tried to be good to steals from you and used you for their own happiness and turns on you, what does that say about them? Nothing? It used to be hard to me to tell someone an insult or criticism or that I didn’t like something. I used to push myself to find a good quality about something and only talk about that. 4:24 pmpt I only told Nick once that he was a pig even though he said hi and bye a bunch of times only to masterbate and try to lure me to have s*x with him. It was a very delayed response. I think other girls are faster. 4:26 pmpt

4:34 pmpt at the end of 2016 they gave me a severe headaches while I watched the voice and yelled at the tv that they are thieves. In I think 2017 and 2018 they stabbed my brain a lot. So I wrapped my head in blankets and scarves thinking the things going in my brain was an evil genius trying to tortur me read my mind and control me. I felt weird feelings all my life. And I think I remember that it was them controlling me forcing me to think and feel the ways that they made today feel too natural n my flesh. When I was a kid they did it to me. Back then I think it didn’t feel natural. But now he’s trying to erase the memory which makes me think he’s guilty of knowing he’s lying of all they’re capable of. Either way I’m ruined. They’re set in their decisions and ways. They’re never going to admit anything straight to the whole world. 4:41 pmpt how does a 4 year old think about being seductive? That unfortunately is my only certain clue. 4:42 pmpt

4:44 pmpt why did the incubus have phone s*x with me? To get me aroused and ready for s*x when he arrived? Why? If my brain is so unacceptable of a person, why talk to me so sweet? I guess it was to make me feel inferior then ? Why from March to end of December? 4:46 pmpt why why why why why why why why why why why why. 4:47 pmpt why not just spend time with the girls you really like? Why put me through torture? Why not let me not be shy 10 years ago and let me expose myself fully? 4:49 pmpt we don’t know when demon lord controls people. 4:49 pmpt

5:18 pmpt I was told banana slugs can change their gender. Why do men have nipples when they don’t make milk? Are nipples on men made by demon lords or demon angels ?

5:23 pmpt was the original god a woman and trying to make men more like women Bcz she thought some guys needed an attitude adjustment? May She had sons and followed in her foot steps and started doing sh*t to women? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

5:28 pmpt min ago heart started feeling tight. I don’t know what I am and why I am this why, but I can guess. 5:29 pmpt

5:31 pmpt Bcz he tortured people (searing hot pain in my butt 5:32 pmpt) and he probably had s*x with a lot of different people without liking them. there is artificial insemination, sperm banks, unless it’s all a lie... there are other ways to make women pregnant. Otherwise without surrogates I would see no point. That’s a lot of work for demon angels to do (acid throat pain 5:36 pmpt) so why? What’s the point other than pleasure? Unless all married people are subject to become surrogates at random? 5:39 pmpt

5:45 pmpt if you really don’t care for me to have a nice future I wish you would chop my head off. You desolate me. You don’t care for people to know me. 5:47 pmpt please chop it off. Don’t make me commit suicide. Suicide sounds painful. 5:48 pmpt

5:50 pmpt acid left arm skin hot pain. Mins ago a lot of hot acid in throat pain. They really think I’m trash. I saw a picture of Liza being lifted infront of a garbage can at a baseball field probably in Mexico. 5:52 pmpt I feel like trash. 5:53 pmpt I wish they would show me mercy and numb my whole body and chop off my head. They keep suggesting without words that I should go to the train tracks. They make my bed shake when the train goes by. Behati has an x formed with her arms over her vag. 2017? Instagram picture. Trains have a sign I think with an “x.” ?

6:02 pmpt any little morsel of kind symbolism I find is probably phony for show to save their faces to the public like the Bible. Pretending to save a man like Jesus . it’s all phony. 6:04 pmpt

7:43 pmpt when a 13 year old is forced into pregnancy, 32 year old women are tortured into early menopause. Hypothesis. 7:44 pmpt

7:46 pmpt and Scott knew this already probably b4 he kissed me. I think I remember he did that drawing after making out once or it was probably b4 making out if I’m wrong. 7:47 pmpt Scott’s probably guilty of s*x trafficking minors with cops. 7:47 pmpt and they do it for pleasure. Not to father babies. But they probably do sell women to older men looking to have babies. 7:48 pmpt like in the Taken movie with Liam neeson (spelling?) Bcz he drew the S like it has a big belly. With its feet up in the air and going to fall. 7:49 pmpt

8:33 pmpt while I was trying to eat, the demon lord put the taste of mold on my tongue. 😵😞 having difficulty breathing. My inhalers taste bad too. Tastes like it’s not medicine. 8:35 pmpt Scott probably drew that drawing early July. We were all at Q’s house for a party. Maybe it was the 4th of July? And the s*x happened probably august 6, 2007. 8:36 pmpt there should be a picture on MySpace. 8:37 pmpt

8:38 pmpt for incontinence to happen I think the sphincter is hot (hit 8:48 pmpt)a bunch of times. I think that’s how it happened for me with the incubus magic things. They kept on hitting it. It doesn’t take much but it hurts like hell. 8:39 pmpt

8:56 pmpt after Scott stopped seeing me in 2010 and had bit me on June 15, he seemed to start dating a co-worker who was yet to graduate high school. Months later there was a picture on Facebook with her in Las Vegas. She wanted to go to college there. He had his hand up her T-shirt. 8:59 pmpt her name was Courtney. B4 that she called him mr. big on Facebook. He has a huge long p*nis. I know Bcz I looked at it in the car. He looked like he pampered that thing. The skin was smooth and white. 9 pmpt

9:02 pmpt “Brendan” was in actuality if Brendan lean would have been 20 going on 21 on March 2001 and I was 15 going on 16. If “Brendan” was the incubus he would have been 21 going on 22. In the magazine article about the dove tattoo I think in the sexiest man alive issue 2013 he might have said he was 21 years old when 9/11 happened and he got the dove tattoo. Maybe he botched his own age? Or maybe he got the tattoo b4 9/11/2001? He did say he drove to Ohio oberlin in the fuse? Interview on YouTube. To see “Jane” which was the name of his high school girlfriend. Does he like to confuse us? Intentionally? 9:07 pmpt

Now I’m feeling uncertain about my math I have to save b4 I check. 9:08 pmpt

9:10 pmpt garrido impregnated dugard when she was 13 years old. I once talked to a random guy online who said he could not help trying to have s*x with a 14 year old. I think he was 16 years old is what he told me. How young would cano go if there was no laws holding him back? 9:12 pmpt Sierra LaMar went missing 7 months b4 her 16th birthday and I think I read she quit cheerleading and wore a sharks sweatshirt and her friends called her “fat ass.” I wondered in 2017 if she got pregnant by her secret boyfriend who was probably older? Maybe she wasn’t pregnant but wanted extra time to flirt online which was my reason for not taking art classes sophomore and junior years. But I had Biology sophomore year and physics junior year. 9:16 pmpt some high school students graduate b4 turning 18. I’m not sure but I thought I heard some students could t live in the dorms Bcz they were under 18 years old? In UCB. Acid throat pain. I might look it up. But maybe I misheard something. 9:18 pmpt I don’t know how old Courtney is. 9:18 pmpt but I heard legally now a days of 17 years old it is probably permitted to date someone over 18 years old. 9:19 pmpt

10:34 pmpt I feel like I got a glimpse of myself in the last hour. It feels different from all the other times... but I guess it felt real like the other times... but different. I felt like there was a part of me that would chose money over someone specific. It was a very specific time in my life that was probably 2015. It did come up in my mind. Unfortunately. Even though I it in that situation probably would not have made (hot searing pain left foot 10:37 pmpt) financial sense at the time. My initial motivations was rooted in self shame. And then money became an issue. Bcz I was afraid someone would take advantage of me financially. Like, I was afraid she would drain me dry and I would still be sick probably, from my eczema and head trauma, especially getting punched in October 2011 it looked like I was still affected by it. 10:39 pmpt It made me feel like trash. A low level human being. 10:40 pmpt it made me feel like the incubus is right about me. And that I’m not going to be saved. 10:41 pmpt

10:57 pmpt this don’t seem to matter anymore. I guess anything really goes with god. “Brendan” I think said he had dark brown hair? But I think I remember Brendan lean having black hair in the Friendster picture. Blue green eyes he said. I don’t know if that was photoshopped or if his hair changed colors or he colored his hair. 11 pmpt.. his hair probably changed colors by now and probably in 2015 although I remember in late 2014 or early 2015 I saw a guy with a black soft curly Afro. And his skin was white. It was probably him. 11:02 pmpt searing hot pain butt hip left side.

12:01 am pt I thought boy cats don’t have nipples but girl cats do? I guess god doesn’t care if 13 year olds get pregnant. I guess he prefers it. So a lot of people don’t get in trouble who are rich Bcz they can buy/pay off g*vernm*nt people like c*ps. 12:04 am pt I guess people are really above the law. And I guess it’s always going to be this way. I guess that’s why there’s capitalism. 12:06 am pt. And I have to be resigned to being tortured until I’m buried. There’s a street named tilbury. 12:07 am pt

12:09 am pt I was burned a lot and suffocated a lot. I probably formerly had built up a lot of inner muscles from all the endurance running and exercise going up hills a lot. I was able to do I think a flip in 2017. I jumped onto the couch I think I might have flipped. When I was younger I did weird whole body flips in the ball out of McDonald’s. I used to have very strong control and flexing muscles in my vag. I probably had clicked many hours of being h*rny that I probably had more massive blood flow to the muscles of my vag. I had retained all my muscles still in 2017 since my running days until the torture started. I probably had superior vag tissue. And now it’s gone. 12:14 am pt I was still in good shape in 2017. I could lift many gallons of water at one time. Now it is all gone. Bcz if the torture. Scott felt my legs in 2007 and said I had legs like a stallion. They murdered my calve muscles in the last 6 years. I probably had a much more pleasurable vag than a 14 or 16 year old girl. I imagine most girls haven’t put in the work I had. P.e. Usually doesn’t involve hills. That’s extra when you do sports practice. Starting from age 13 or 14 years old I think is when they just start. Not a lot of blood flow to grow the muscles as much as some one who has clocked more m*sturbation hours. Hypothesis. 12:21 pmpt incubus miñion is pounding on the wall. He says nasty. Yup . I’m not going to disagree with him. He thinks 32 year old women are nasty. 12:22 am pt I had to run miles emote than once a week. Regular p.e. (Throat acid pain 12:23 am pt) you only do half mile or full mile once a week. You don’t get legs like a stallion from that. HARD ASS WORK. 12:24 pmpt I had to run on the streets through the neighborhood. 12:25 am pt he doesn’t care. He prefers I don’t say. Bcz he hates me. They took a lot of vag tissue away from me this week/last week. B4 that they attacked me with acid inside my vag. I guess a lot of people really want me tortured. Especially the guys. And probably some one older who doesn’t want to understand me believes only the worse in me even though what I did was barely anything at all and I didn’t hurt her and I didn’t do what a man does and what I did could have been done accidentally. I believe she called me a sicko for it. And I believe she’s trying to suffocate me with gas fumes of a truck with a man. But maybe she doesn’t care. And she’s only a killer. And likes Scott. And will let him rape anyone he wants. 12:32 pmpt there’s barely anything left of me (vag pain 12:34 am pt )

12:40 am pt a book I read believes that working hard can reform a person and make them good. I don’t know how true it is. Maybe you’re only capable of working hard if you’re a good person? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ 12:42 am pt

12:48 am pt I used to be told I looked younger than my age. Some people thought I was 18 years old when I was 30? Years old. I think. 12:49 am pt but I still had problems that I was trying to heal from. 12:49 am pt I even cleaned the bathroom with Clorox back then Bcz I was afraid I had something and I was afraid I was going to pass it on to my cousin. 12:51 am pt

2:20 am pt I think I only started seeing Scott in July of 2007? And then he wanted to have s*x august 2007. And he got it. Without condom without verbal permission. He challenged me when I said I don’t think we should. 2:22 am pt he didn’t ask me, are you in love with me? He didn’t say I’m in love with you. No. This was plain and simple. 2:23 am pt

2:49 am pt I cannot remember anymore but I think it was b4 the s*x when we made out by the forest on the side of the road he put me in a chokehold w/o choking me. I think he was really toying with me. He probably doesn’t care about what happened or how he approached me for anything. He probably believes that it doesn’t matter? A lot of people will say s*x without love is wrong. S*x w/o marriage is wrong. But he seemed to be using those words when he wrote on Facebook “fell for” I think is what he wrote. Giving the impression that he probably confessed love to me in 2007, when he did NOT. We barely know each other. I think it’s crazy that people rush in to marry each other if they haven’t dated for at least 2 years. 2:56 pmpt his own parents I think were pen pals, so I think they probably took their time I’m guessing. 2:57 am pt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

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Sunday 28 may 2023 6:53 am pt

I think I am not ever going to like the way they do things to me. Green auto save min ago. 6:54 am pt they keep chipping away at my feet bones and all other bones. Incubus can breathe and play basketball and he’s older than me. My dad was still kinda s*xy when he was 47 years old. 6:56 am pt

6:57 am pt this is death. What is happened to me and my mom is death.

6:58 am pt in kamau’s class, it was a brief in class exercise assignment. We went outside. Korean lookg guy with thick black eyeglasses frames asked to be my partner. The whole class was outside of Kroeber hall . I think ramonas cafe was nearby. I don’t remember much but there were probably more people outside but we could all hear our instructor. He my partner said to draw the shadows . And I’m stunned that we had the same idea at the same time but I’m stupid and thought this time he is the mind reader. Why this time I think he’s psychic instead of me? I don’t know. Maybe with my eczema problems that semester it was was easier to accept in my mind? I dont remember. But I think I remember not feeling 100%. Not feeling great. Otherwise I probably would have fought more against myself. Sometimes I have to do that with my addictions to the internet and games like kingdom hearts and Tetris and Mario bros and sims and foods. Weird stuff that happened some times I lied and I don’t even know why, during times it would probably made more sense to tell the truth. I’m not going to say what occasions those were but if you had those experiences you know what I am talking about. In the case of Brendan Lean probably when I was a teeen probably should have counted (tummy ache 7:11 am pt). Oh and probably should have told someone immediately about why I had to take plan b, other than complaining to Scott infront of his house at his front door. I think all of his neighbors probably heard me. They probably also heard me when I yelled out “I don’t think we should be doing this right now !” (8:01 am pt strike out - edited) When he was penetrating me pumping in and out fast. 7:15 pmpt why did a 14 year old feel too much shame to testify against garrido b4 he kidnapped dugard? Bcz incubus plays mind games with females. Does not matter how young they are. They prefer them to be young like babies (pre-teens and young teens 7:17 am pt) it’s weird how in 1 year the neck length can double in size and they call it a growth spurt. When I started thinking about it last year I wondered if this was a forced growth to make younger girls look more mature for their age than what is natural. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️. It happened btwn 6th and 7th grade years for me. 7:21 am pt but in elementary school when my classmates started growing boobs, I don’t recall starting to grow boobs. I got a big pimple. Yeah. Great. 7:22 am pt

Incubus can make you lie when he wants you to avoid telling the truth. That’s why Brendan Lean was not reported for years and years. Bcz I was stupid. And incubus manipulation. 7:24 am pt

going back to the art class and drawing shadows? A lot of people were around. A lot of chances (acid face left eye tummy ache 7:25 am pt) for eavesdropping. We weren’t in a secret room with the cone of silence. And when I took credit for it it wasn’t even planned ahead. It was basically a slip of tongue sort of thing and it was hard for me to reverse and say that came out wrong. And then I hoped that it wasn’t a big deal I guess and moved on. But I was probably nervous about it. It was a very uncalxulated move. No premeditation. No plans to cover up. I probably wasn’t well Bcz of my eczema. A lot of times that semester (pain probably produces hip and butt bones problems pain 7:31 ampt) I think I was late to classes. I woke up with my ear stuck to my hair and bedding and had to cut my hair into a weird a hair cut and rip everything off my ear and my skin would open up and weep. It was a vicious cycle with also my hands. 7:34 am pt

7:41 am pt I was going through a difficult time with my eczema. Sometimes I thought it would be better to wear cotton gloves. Sometimes my hands would weep and the gloves soaked up the body fluid and becom stained yellow. 7:43 am pt

7:44 am pt a nurse named mailey? Told me eczema was caused by stress. School is stressful. She basically told me to drop out of school. An instructor for an Asian studies class told me that too. 7:46 am pt

It was a long time ago. Maybe I don’t have the chronology right but it happened all that year I lived in that house on piedmont. 7:52 am pt pee. Uriah. That room was soooo HOT too! Unbearable! 7:53 am pt. 8::01 am pt

The incubus and angel demons don’t care about the truth. They only care to look good even though they made heinous crimes happen to 11 year old kids.. and younger. 8:03 am pt

6:04 pmpt I am repeating myself talking about this again. The shadow tracing... b4 finals of that same semester or basically the end of the semester... I yelled at that teacher, blamed him for me being late to meet another teacher... Bcz I got frustrated with myself for not excusing myself on time. And I wrote about this ... and how I peeed in my pants Bcz I hesitated to excuse myself to my mom and my sister’s teacher at the elementary school. Completely drenched. My sister is only almost 2.5 years younger than me. So it should have became obvious I had issues of some weird sort about communication... I have a curse of putting my foot in my mouth. So, whatever points I might have gained from that shadow tracing, it was probably subtracted very fast Bcz I think teachers reserve the right to subtract points for various reasons like that. 6:10 pmpt and also sometime after that he almost cut me with a box cutter knife and he didn’t say sorry. I literally felt the sharp point . 6:11 pmpt so, Korean looking guy with thick (acid throat pain 6:11 pmpt) black framed glasses... if you’re a part of some weird conspiracy against me and that’s why I thought I saw someone similar or same to you December 2012 when I was with Q, at the karaoke hour at the restaurant, I already was punished in some way for it. And a lot of people probably heard it was your idea anyway if everyone in class was eavesdropping. It was an incredibly stupid move for me to do Bcz I probably had 0% chance of taking credit for it if everyone was witnessing. I don’t remember a lot but I didn’t premeditate it. It spontaneously happened out of my mouth. There was no way to really do that Bcz it was like idk definition of impromptu? And it wasn’t even an original idea. But I’m sorry. I was sorry from the moment I opened my mouth. I don’t know what got into me. If I wanted everyone to think I was weird and to be easily my enemy Bcz anyone and everyone could have over heard everything and would have known it was a lie. 6:19 pmpt

6:21 pmpt i think a smart person who really wanted to get away with it would have never put their foot in their mouth on any occasion and butt kiss everyone including the teacher. Instead I probably looked like a stupid? weirdo? to the teacher, too. Idk 6:23 pmpt

6:55 pmpt that in class exercise was probably only worth 5-15 points. Probably got the credit just for participating. Just for being there that day. My guess.

7:12 pm pt left heel pain. I had something to write but Bcz it involves Q, it’s probably off limits. 7:13 pmpt

7:14 pmpt I believe they’re threatening hysterectomy... which makes it more probable that dugard really was raped. 7:15 pmpt

7:24 pmpt it’s ok for them to minimize the stuff they do but it was already in my cards according to Q that I was going to get severely burned b4 Scott raped me. Summer 2007. 7:25 pmpt when the things I had done were probably very small and forgivable. Q once put a red belt on me while I was still going to UCB. Probably still 2007. In 2018? I randomly found something in the Bible about punishment and a red belt. I couldn’t find it again. So if someone knows I would appreciate it if they tell me what it’s about. Q also told me I could tell her anything. And I think she asked me what did I do? I feel like maybe she was quizzing me. Maybe she heard something about me. It really felt that way. The thing I did could have been easily done accidentally. Yet I feel people have condemned me and are out together (7:33 pmpt To get ) me for it even though I showed god that I was sorry and remorseful. 7:31 pmpt

7:34 pmpt (hot left foot pain)one of Q’s online names is the name of an angel? A picture she photoshopped of herself she made herself look glowing and shiny/dazzling/glittering. As if she’s an angel. 7:36 pmpt it was a group photo they took together while I was in the bathroom of a bar that I went with her to. Wearing a dark purple top, which she gave me in 2013 but it shrunk in the wash so I couldn’t wear it. 7:37 pmpt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

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11:28 pmpt Friday 26 may 2023

I’m scared what they’re going to do next. 11:29 pmpt

5:07 am pt they hurt me so much. I’m not sure if it was acid 😞😖😭

they allow rapists to go free but they attack me with acid. 5:09 am pt

I feel that I have had a miserable life. Always one type of discomfort or another in my body/skin. 5:11 am pt how many people are miserable on planet earth? 5:11 am pt

5:14 am pt I think that all demon angels are child rapists. The my (5:19 am pt they ) know where all the kidnapped minors go so they probably all take turns with them using them as whores. 5:16 am pt

6:10 am pt they do a lot of petty sh*tty things to me. Makes me think they’re all guilty of doing VERY bad things. 6:11 am pt they get especially annoyed and angry when I think the worse of them even though they have tortured me for at least 6 years making life unbearable from age 32. They don’t value women age 32. Acid pain left breast. See? 6:13 am pt they all like to f*fk minors I think.

They help perpetuate the cycle of babies(teens) becoming pregnant. Autocorrect: acid brain. It’s a threat from them. 6:16 am pt

6:17 am pt they stole my whole life. And robbed me of happiness. 6:18 am pt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

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12:14 am pt 25 may 2023 Thursday

12:15 am pt still being tortured by a incubus miñion 12:16 am pt isn’t there a cherry tree in this love music video? 12:17 am pt I know I’m going to die soon. I will probably be dead b4 I take a flight again (right hip bone 🦴12:18 am pt) 12:19 am pt

12:27 am pt the first time I watched mtv was at my daycare lady’s house and brandy’s music video was on for the song sitting’ up in my room. My dad bought me the cassette tape by my request. 12:29 am pt. My daycare lady was also a black lady. 12:29 am pt

12:31 am pt I was in elementary school and she lived across the street. 12:32 am pt

12:33 am pt the incubus has made me suffer a lot. He throws a lot of signs every where that he knows my past. A psychological trick to make me think he cares about me when he actually hates me. I thoroughly don’t believe in him anymore. This is too much. I think I am dying. 12:35 am pt this has literally been going on for too long. I think most sane women would have given up believing if they were subjected to this torture. I think they would have given up believing immediately. 12:37 am pt shot through the heart ♥️And you’re to blame you give love 💕a bad name. 12:38 am pt

7:37 pmpt when I talked to “Brendan” on the phone it felt almost like he was reading my mind. I had a weird thought that maybe it’s a sign he’s my soulmate. Unfortunately b4 this thought literally moments b4? I felt like maybe it’s weird to have an online boyfriend who I didn’t know and didn’t see any pictures of. Only his voice and his words online. Literally seconds after I thought I don’t want an online boyfriend, he asked “we’re boyfriend girlfriend right?” I couldn’t answer him. We continued to have cyber s*x and phone s*x. He said he didn’t want any floss. He meant p*bic hair. So I even tried to cut mine for the first time Bcz of him. Strangely, my skin seemed too sensitive at the time so I had to stop at the start. The first attempt to cut I felt pain. 7:45 pmpt 7:46 pmpt

7:48 pmpt he said he had the cube apple computer probably g4? My memory is getting fuzzy. 7:49 pmpt

7:51 pmpt this was probably the incubus’ device to keep me hooked on him. 7:53 pmpt

7:58 pmpt it was probably the day before that, when I was in the girl’s restroom at school, 2 blonde haired girls came in who I never talked to b4 started talking to each other without looking at me. They said “she has an online boyfriend” I don’t remember what else they said but it was their conversation that triggered or gave me the idea that I should not want to have an online boyfriend. Maybe they said it was weird. I did not know who they were talking about. If they were talking about me I would be shocked. 8:03 pmpt

8:03 pmpt a classmate also told me she met someone she randomly started talking to online. So it became a thing . Like you’ve got mail with Meg Ryan.. Tom hanks? Which is a remake of the Judy garland movie in the good old summer time? Songs meet me in Saint Louis, have yourself a merry little Christmas was in it. Psychologically trickery to keep me calmer I guess while I die. One time use, toss like trash. 8:08 pmpt

8:37 pmpt that’s not a typo. “Cut”.. I was using scissors. Autocorrect:acid. My skin hurt from the scissors touching the hair. It was strange. But I didn’t think about it for long. I guess this is supposed to be a sign the incubus didn’t really want me to cut my p*bic hair. I don’t know why. I could think it was for an economic reasons. Or maybe if he were really raping me he probably preferred the soft hairs than sharp stubble. 8:40 pmpt I kept it in my memory. I had a lot of rashes after shaving my legs so eventually shaving became rare. 8:42 pmpt

When I was in high school I shaved for p.e. And sports meets. When I was taking summer school for biology re-take btwn juinor and senior year after a birthday party the end of June My legs and arms became inflamed and swollen (very painful) . Couldn’t shave my legs for probably the remainder of the summer. 8:52 pmpt Hazy memory. I had to wear long skirts for a while and it happened again during my first year of college. 8:53 pmpt

I think the 2nd time it happened it was only my legs. 8:55 pmpt

9 pmpt the scissors did not touch my skin but my skin didn’t like the scissors touching the p*bic hair. I tried not to think too much about it. I thought I guess this is a natural occurrence. I didn’t suspect anything super natural or magical about it. Bcz it was the first time I tried to. 9:02 pmpt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

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24 may 2023 Wednesday 6:34 am pt

I think I have felt abnormal for a long time and god intentionally made me that way. Hypothesis. Chemistry experiments on fetuses brains. Witchcraft. I think it was b4 I moved out of blossom hill south San Jose I had wondered if I was born with vag and p*nis. In an earlier post I wrote this. I saw Sarah Silverman’s baby p*nis on my mind material on tv. 6:38 am pt Bcz I had 2 birth certificates same day slightly different times. I didn’t realize until later that it was probably a correction for daylight savings time. 6:40 am pt I had a hypothetical drama in my head that my mom was hiding from me that I was born with a p*nis. 6:41 am pt so Bcz I am imperfect as Scott’s drawing looks like it says symbolically I wonder if he knew what exactly and why. Bcz god likes to trash babies b4 they are born so the “perfect” people have some one to play with in their careers and make them feel superior. 6:43 am pt all to fuel the perverse economy of the rich and famous. 6:44 am pt

66:47 am pt if A is true, then b is true? So if I don’t really have a husband, then dugard really was probably raped. 6:48 am pt

10:47 am pt a min ago felt pain in groin. Was afraid of more acid attack. Feel searing hot acid pain on my butt. Incubus miñion slammed doors min ago. I thought I heard the incubus used artificial intelligence to write their songs? Where did I see that? How could a god experience heart ache when everyone? Or a lot of people are puppets and he knows it? 10:51 am pt he probably makes himself into a puppet with his very high voice he manipulates his own vocal chords and instructs his hands to play with a guitar so he can do it without looking at the strings. 10:53 am pt

He easily detaches, too, emotionally, so I’m not sure when he’s an unfeeling robot who likes to torture women and children. Or when he might have feelings. 10:54 am pt

4:51 pmpt my heart felt tight early today. They punished me many times for drinking liquids. They filled me with probably lemon juice (I saw a little piece of lemon stem and a little bit of a piece of a seed) feels and looks like that’s there for ntent to kill me accelerated more than b4. 4:56 pmpt I felt I think abnormal feelings that (searing hot pain left knee area heart tight exhaling hot air 4:57 pmpt) a woman does not naturally feel since I was a little kid. I felt a lot of doom and gloom in 2015 Bcz of my abnormalities of humping Mickey Mouses head combined with being tricked into doing what I did when I was in high school probably 2002 after Brendan dumped me and Nick v./b. Tried to get me to come to his work high 5 nickel arcade to probably have s*x in the back room but I didn’t go and I told him I couldn’t Bcz I had to go to dads that weekend but I didn’t really want to go Bcz he didn’t even try to be my friend or boyfriend. 5:01 pmpt I think it was retaliation from the incubus for making Nick look bad for exposing him, and probably Bcz he probably did use me as a s*x toy for himself but he didn’t want me for a wife Bcz I was not rich and I was not tall and they did weird experiments on me. They gave me a nubbin when I was 4 years old. It suddenly appeared after I rubbed my nipple on a toy house for babies. They made me attracted? to teen/women’s boobs when I was a kid. Etc. don’t want to talk about it. They made me feel abnormal and confused me about myself. They tried to change my memories that I dwelled on for a long time and mourned about it and felt shame about. In high school I was not attracted to anyone younger than me but he tricked me into crossing a line that wasn’t even much at all - something that could have happened by accident- but I condemned myself for it. 5:10 pmpt

7:16 pmpt sometimes they wet my nipples since 2022 Bcz they wanted me to believe the incubus came and licked it, after the my made me believe he was my husband with making me involuntarily vocalize s*xual pleasure as if to re-enact that he made me do that w/ his p*nis during intercourse and taped a dark hair with natural orange highlights to the cookie container with word baton on it. Bat = daughter in Hebrew. It feels obviously a lie now. Bcz he made me feel like a bad awful person a lot and he ate a lot of my *ss with acid and my bones and my mom’s bones are almost gone. I really feel hated. It really doesn’t feel believeable. And I have been set up to have a tortured death. Searing hot pain left knee 7:26 pm pt. I felt like I was dying every day, first with almost nonstop tortured pain in 2017, putting a hole in my heart 8/17/17, and not being able to breathe most of my waking hours since April 2019 it progressed. He made me afraid to eat since 2017/2018. I burned myself a lot and he burned me. He made me feel desperate to stop the pain and I thought burning myself would stop it but the things kept on coming. 7:31 pmpt I don’t know but I’ve been scared that I damaged myself by burning myself and now I think he’s doing that. When I can’t breathe I feel like I’m dying over and over again. 7:33 pmpt

7:40 pmpt someone I think put their mouth on my under chin neck area but my eyes were closed. I think maybe the mouth belonged to a woman Bcz I’m very unattractive now so no male incubus miñion would touch me anymore. This year they attacked the inside of mouth and throat over and over with acid. The flesh inside my mouth feels different and today and yesterday they removed a chunk of my vag tissues and under layer of thick tissue 7:44 pmpt I’m scared that my bladder is close to the vag like a child’s now. I don’t know much about anatomy Bcz I was distracted in school a lot but I compared my body to a few pictures of other people and I think I lost a lot. Left side abdomen pain. 7:47 pmpt I don’t want to think that I’m a bad person but it is very hard for me to trust and accept, Bcz I don’t know everything and they messed with my feelings a lot and my memory. 7:49 pmpt digging pain left big toe 7:50 pmpt

9:14 pmpt they are very vicious to me and they want me to believe I deserve it. I don’t know my real self but I was nice to a bunch of people and had some short term friendships. Sometimes I think I was too quiet and some people lost interest in me. 9:16 pmpt an attractive quiet girl leaves you feeling empty like coffee - a quote I found online that is believed was said by the incubus. Empty in 2 ways = s*xually from being turned on and ejaculation, and probably a lack of a cerebral connection. 9:20 pmpt the short term friendships I had were usually with more extroverted nice people willing to “adopt” shy nice introverts. 9:21 pmpt which is probably why I was able to sit on my friend’s lap without feeling s*xual about it. 9:22 pmpt

9:27 pmpt it’s ok if no one believes me. I don’t even know if I should or can believe in myself anymore. Either way they decided to kill me. We all die someday. I don’t know if I would want to be an old person Bcz life has been painful and I suffered a lot of pain and discomfort all my life. So I don’t think I would like the process of growing old. I think I don’t have the tolerance anymore. 9:31 pmpt every time I got sick in my life it was hard/difficult and wished that each time would be the last. 9:32 pmpt there’s a lot of turn over anyway with girls getting kidnapped and forced to have children early with their abductors(?). Might be happening with kidnapped minors often. 9:34 pmpt

11:48 pmpt the friend who knew about Brendan/“Brendan” (Brendan Lean) but she didn’t know his identity, only that we had an online affair, she told me that I don’t need him and I can have anyone I wanted [who is close by]. But I said no I think? And she got scared for some reason. Maybe it was the way I answered and that I was not easily going to give up on him. I was addicted to the sweetness of his speech. 11:52 pmpt 11:53 pmpt something that Nick v./b. Didn’t match. Nick told me he didn’t want me calling his house and without much explanation I think he wanted to leave it to me to interpret why. Maybe his mom didn’t like how I asked for him? Did I do it wrong? Or did she not want girls calling him? And a friend of my sister who was his neighbor called me 2-faced after he tested me saying Nick wanted me to be his girlfriend after the friends with benefits stuff was over I think. I didn’t fight back with him when he said that. But it makes me think maybe Nick said something about me to him. Bcz when he asked me that I realized I had. Change in feelings about him. That I didn’t want to try him anymore- that maybe being his girlfriend was something I didn’t want to be anymore. I didn’t know what I wanted, but to be his girlfriend I felt in that moment I didn’t desire any longer. 11:59 pmpt high 5 nickel arcade was near the post office and Walgreens off of Payne. 12 am pt

12:03 am pt acid left ear acid throat pain 12:04 am pt. Incubus doesn’t like me. So he’s killing me. It doesn’t matter to him that I was manipulated into doing things or forced to do things or magically made to say or do things, to me, that would make him a d*ck and a jerk and not an upright guy. But he said the real me is not acceptable to him. And I have no power over that. All I can do is hope that I am not naturally a b*tch but molded in to becomg one. And that’s something I can only hope to myself. Incubus has decided what he wants and it isn’t me. 12:08 am pt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

Text

23 may 2023 Tuesday 12:07 pmpt

My mom has brown skin. When she was a kid 👦🏾 she said people called her a word that means black. Bcz she walked 2 miles to school 🏫 and discipline at her school 🏫 was to stand outside in the sun ☀️ Bcz it’s HOT 🥵 outside . 12:09 pmpt I think 💭 said also said she had to go home 🏠 on breaks to help take care of brothers and sisters 👯‍♀️ at home 🏠 who were babies 👶. 12:11 pmpt I have a lot of automatic thoughts 💭 that contradict each other probably. I would probably find out if I wrote all down. When I shared in 2nd grade my color pencil ✏️ and markers I did not discriminate. 12:13 pmpt In 4th grade (vag hot 🥵 acid pain 12:14 pmpt) I had for a short time a best friend named ebony king 🤴. But when I came back from counseling for children 👶 going through divorce I got mad at her for borrowing with out asking first. After that she stopped being my friend and wouldn’t talk to me anymore. She was very tall compared to me. She didn’t do anything wrong I guess but I think 💭 I might have had a change of heart ♥️ about sharing my stuff. It could have been Bcz of the divorce. 12:19 pmpt I also had a secret valentines I had to buy a gift 🎁 for and my mom put a lot of thought 💭 into the gift 🎁 and bought a nice coffee mug ☕️ and bought candy 🍬 to go in it. I believe she bought it thinking about what the parents would find most useful. She didn’t think 💭 about what color skin they had. Only what was probably a good gift 🎁. That was elementary school 🏫 to a boy 👦🏾 named fermen. My first ex boyfriend’s cousin is “blasian” and he’s one of the nicest friendliest guys I’ve ever met. 12:25 pmpt like I’ve written b4, if I think 💭 you’re nice I’ll give a chance for friendship but if I’m not attracted to you and you cross the line with out permission you’re not always going to get a welcomeing response. You might be “friend zoned.” But it is not always permanent as was the case with my first ex boyfriend. 12:28 pmpt but I guess it don’t matter anymore Bcz I am not well. 12:29 pmpt 12:32

12:33 pmpt tummy ache difficulty breathing

12:36 brought-> bought. 12:32 b->b4

12:40 pmpt. B4 4th grade pictures I dropped from the tallest bar on the playground doing a failed cherry 🍒 drop and landed 🛬 with my face flat in the tanbark. When I was 13 years old I was in the Philippines 🇵�� and I hit my head on probably the most dense wood 🪵 bench I’ve ever encountered in my life. The Janka hardness must have been extremely high. That was btwn 7th and 8th grade years. 12:43 pmpt

1:24 pmpt my feelings and actions were probably due to an incubus spell. I will not hold anything against Esther for what she thought 💭 or felt about me. If she was scared 😱 Bcz of something I said or the way I said something, I understand now. I didn’t like the way Scott said Pearl Harbor to me when he told me that was his birthday 🥳 , but it seems that fate is not in my favor anyway. All my organs have felt pain and I’m probably going to die soon 🔜. 1:28 pmpt

6:48 pmpt yesterday and today I momentarily felt the true pain of some of my organs. I think 💭 2 felt sore yesterday and today I felt one was bruised. They’re able to turn off the sensations of pain for the organs. They make me upset turning me on my belly and the organs probably get bruised and squeezed. 6:51 pmpt 6:52 pmpt he lied 🤥 to me about being my husband. So I should probably assume when he says that dugard wasn’t raped, I’m going to assume it is a habitual pattern of lies. 6:53 pmpt

7:06 pmpt I was conceived probably in my mom’s home 🏠 country so I will probably die soon 🔜 and be returned there. 7:07 pmpt

7:08 pmpt I feel like the tv 📺 and internet are being used to gas ⛽️ light 💡 me. (Pain 7:09 pmpt spine lower) left hip bone 🦴 not good pain probably acid 7:10 pmpt) I had a lot of illness and discomfort in my life through various things. I’m not happy with the way I am (right foot 🦶 bottom pain 😖😭 7:11 pmpt) going. Since age 32 I experiencedalmost non stop 🛑 hellish pain and agony. 7:12 pmpt the Virgin Mary story is something you don’t want for your life. During covid a lot of people got stabbed in the nose 👃 for the tests and I read some people got stabbed when they got the vaccine 💉. If you feel depressed you know who to beware of now for being prejudged. I don’t have the answers to everything but I seemed to have been offered at age 5 what my fate was going to be - predetermined preset 🤖 in a way that seemed initially less vilifying of me. 7:17 pmpt if you get raped it was preset by god. But to save his face he’s going to defend the rapist until the end of his life. 7:19 pmpt I guess when a new god takes over that’s when the rapists fall Bcz it’s the end of both their lives and the new god is not bound to that set of people. 7:20 pmpt hypothesis.

2:59 am pt the incubus miñion who lives on the floor of this hotel 🏨 has been eating my flesh with acid. It seems to be there favorite things to do = torture me. Same as child rapists demon angels. 3:01 am pt

3:03 am pt I’ve already told them to chop off my head. But they won’t end my suffering. All at the same time they ate a layer of flesh I think 💭 in my nose 👃 my vag and I think 💭 one other area. I got upset so I forgot which part. He is definitely not a loving husband to me so he probably is lying 🤥 about child rape ending. Which is probably why I am dying prematurely Bcz he is heinous. 3:07 am pt my cousin’s friend who was raped as a child... I forgot to ask how old she is now but my cousin is 21 now. 3:09 am pt which means that he (Adam Noah Levine) made child rape happen. 3:09 am pt and he probably was already exercising the authority to make those decisions. 3:10 am pt he said himself porn makes the world 🌎 go round and he likes donuts 🍩 with vanilla sprinkles so what else falls closely to that ? Kidnapping and rape/forced prostitution = porn? 3:12 am pt I never bought porn but sometimes I hear 👂 on the news 📰 child pornography but they never say what exactly is in it. If it’s of 15/16 year olds or younger. 3:14 am pt anyone who tortures a woman 👩🏼 with accelerated premature path to menopause and death ☠️ is probably an aggressive advocate of child 🧒 rape. Why would they cut down a woman 👩🏼 so aggressively that she feels her life is over at 32? Bcz men are only interested in child porn. Rapid turn over is needed then. 3:18 am pt

3:21 am pt the world 🌎 seems to be taken over by heinous goat 🐐 lecherous men who only value women b4 they turn 27 years old. 3:22 am pt they decided they don’t want anyone older than that. 3:23 am pt

3:31 am pt expect everyone who makes a lot of money 💰 to be ⛽️ gas lighting Bcz they want your trust and business back. Stuff online changes all the time. As was the case with a Sierra LaMar article saying that the call for help from Sierra over the internet was a hoax suddenly says it was located in the Philippines 🇵🇭. I was very shocked 😮 by this sudden addition to the article after I wrote I suspected the police 👮‍♂️ were the ones helping with Sierra’s disappearance. They’ve been stocking me it seems Bcz they’re Scott’s friends. And now it looks like Scott’s friends are apart of covering up 🆙 for Sierra’s disappearance so they think 💭 they’re being sly

3:38 am pt I know I’m dying 😵 a very tortured death ☠️ Bcz demon angels like torturing anyone even 11 year old dugard and others with rape for years. So obviously I won’t win. I have no more will or strength to try much. 3:41 am pt but I think 💭 framing antolin with crimes he didn’t do and writing ✍️ off her cry 😭 for help.... points in a specific direction. 3:43 am pt right arm pain... a direction....

queen 👸🏻 of isolation I am... in desolation. 3:44 am pt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

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8:29 am pt Monday 22 may 2023

Bcz my abdomen looked like a dead ☠️ person’s skin color a weird sickly dark beige, not olive 🫒 not brown, and people survive with out organs after surgery and I watched cooking 🧑‍🍳 show of someone cooking ceviche which uses lemon 🍋 and probably vinegar I think 💭 they cooked my organs and cut me off to the sensations of feeling the organs’ death ☠️. I am then like a shakugan no Shana torch character that is dead ☠️.. made more sense until I typed it. Whatever. 😞😭😭😭😭😤🥵😤🥵 8:35 am pt I wanted to confess 2019/2020 but my mom said she could not take me to do it. Which makes me think 💭 that the records would have showed nothing major happened which would have given me freedom to forgive myself and move on. But he needed a reason to hurt me and to psychologically be afraid 😱 to tell on Brendan Lean which would have tied to David Scott cano, b4 he could convince the whole world 🌎 that forced prostitution of minors is the only way to get done ✅ what he wants done Bcz he said he has no patience. For Sperm banks 🏦. Unfortunately this is what I got from them. Sounds bad to me. Bcz he’s making all rapists look 👀 good and women look 👀 bad. He wants us to believe women are the problem only. That’s what he put in my head Bcz all rapists justify. 8:43 am pt whether you believe or not ... idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ 8:45 am pt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

Text

4:37 am pt 21 may 2023 Sunday

He looks like a tall young white man 👨 probably 24/25 with brown ?hair. NASA backpack 🎒. He is unrelentingly filling me with lemon 🍋 juice 🧃 and hitting my organs with acid. 4:39 am pt I don’t have much bones 🦴 left and he made the bones 🦴 in my feet 🦶 soft. 4:40 am pt I’m scared 😱 he’s going to keep taking my bones 🦴 strength until I can no longer stand. I have asked already for him to end my suffering by cutting off my head. He would rather let me suffer. I told him if his wife knew his opinions and how he treated me he would forever ♾ be in the dog 🐶 house 🏠 and she should want to run 🏃🏻‍♀️ for the hills. 4:42 am pt

4:43 am pt he walks with conceit and arrogance. 4:43 am pt I cry 😭 from his hands.

6:24 am pt I felt and heard liquid drain from inside my intestines. 😞😖😭 pain butt. I went to the bathroom 🚽 and wet pieces came out and when I looked in the toilet 🚽 it looked like lemon 🍋 juice 🧃. So I probably have lemon 🍋 juice 🧃 in my body. 😞😖😭🥺😱😰😭 this is too much. I don’t trust them! 6:28 am pdt

8:23 am pt there’s more than one of them. Probably take turns.

9:28 am pt they burn away my anus w/ acid. 😖😭 it felt awkward like it’s in the wrong spot on my body and there’s nothing left to burn 🔥 away but they keep doing it. Room 309? Last month I found steak 🥩 knives 🔪 positioned on the floor near a plastic cup (see you Uriah) cerrated knives 🔪 looked like legs 🦵 to the plastic transparent body. Showing that symbolically they are going to cut away my bones 🦴 and they started doing that to my thigh bone 🦴 scalloped fashion. 9:33 am pt they made my back look 👀 strange. (Left shoulder bone 🦴 pain 9:33 am). They also put towels on the floor in the hallway. This morning they came out and laughed joyfully. 9:34 am pt at least 3 times in the last two weeks? They made me go diarrhea little by little making me waste toilet 🚽 paper. I didn’t realize until it was too late that I filled the toilet 🚽 with too much tp 🧻 and my mom insisted she unclog the toilet 🚽 herself. 9:36 am pt

9:40 am pt sometime in the last 6 years I read an article about a woman 👩🏼 who ran away from home 🏠 she changed her name. She ran away Bcz she was raped a lot by a man. She suspects her mother knew after all those years. If child 🧒 rape is real then some victims are not known Bcz of situations like that. 9:43 am pt

9:44 am pt demon angels and demon lord protect rapists by psychologically toying with the tortured victims. 9:45 am pt they allow time to obscure truths. 9:45 am pt

10:04 am pt I’m not sure but I think 💭 they used my mom’s pumice on the back of my lower leg the foot 🦶 area I think 💭 it’s not supposed to be used on that part. Makes me think 💭 they like to torture me. They have been pulling up the sides my nails. They’re using a lot of psychology to make me initially excuse it even though there were signs 🪧 I cried and don’t remember crying 😭 in 2022. Usually I holler out in pain. I used to have to deal with pain daily from my eczema and braces 😬 so I think 💭 I got accostumed to the pain that I wouldn’t cry 😭 every time I felt pain. 10:11 am pt

10:12 am pt I honestly don’t see the point in the reasons that they gave me to forgive it anymore. All I see are psychologically games to make me think 💭 they aren’t villains 🦹‍♂️ when they are. 10:13 am pt

10:33 am pt they seem to think that Scott was okay 👌 to do what he did to me and that I was the hypocrite. They think it’s okay to pressure women into s*x b4 married. They think it’s okay 👌 for a guy to force a woman to have unprotected s*x. They think it’s okay 👌 for men to treat women like whores and disregard their obstacles psychologically and that it’s abnormal to go crazy when a guy rushes a woman to have s*x only to seemingly change their minds shortly after the s*x that they don’t like the woman 👩🏼 anymore. 10:37 am pt I don’t think 💭 they would ever challenge their demon lord boss about what’s wrong or right. So if their boss gives them the job to force child rape for a prolonged period of time I don’t believe that they would challenge it. 10:39 am pt

10:41 am pt if you read all the previous posts you would know that they communicated to me “it’s not death ☠️ “ excuse about child 🧒 rape . But now they changed their defense to say that it’s fake news 📰. 10:43 am pt

I know they are capable of torture. So I don’t think 💭 I should readily believe them. 10:44 am pt

10:53 am pt dark blue truck 🛻 guy is idling it again even though previous 2 times he didn’t. He looks about 50 years old? Black hair tan skin full arm tattoos on left arm. He has a black and white cocker spaniel he has a lady with tan skin and black hair. 10:56 am pt the lemon 🍋 juice 🧃 made it harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ I think 💭. 10:57 am pt

11:03 am pt they touched me in ways they should not have

11:14 am pt they denied 🙅‍♀️ all personal responsibility and sit pretty and they give signs 🪧 hurt me = f*cked .

11:16 am pt they probably don’t give a sh*t... about any one but themselves. 11:17 am pt

11:20 am pt fox 🦊 news 📰 said it’s child abuse to commit to trans decisions at that age. If demon angels are really playing chemistry ⚛️ brain 🧠 experiments 🧪 on unborn children 👶 to make them believe that they are born the wrong s*x when they’re not, seems f*cked up to me! No limits I guess! Fake 📰 news!????? What is the excuse this time? 11:23 am pt

Trying to remember specific examples that wasn’t a demon lord angel 😇 forced thing for evil 🦹‍♂️ lips 👄. 12 pmpt from my dad or mom. My sister has 2 boys.

12:07?pm pt demon lord incubus likes torture. The voice at the top of the organization determines what is allowed. 12:08 pmpt

12:09 pm pt he likes to toy 🧸 with people’s feelings for the economy. Hypothesis. He is not trying to like 👍 anyone. He almost burned me to death ☠️ several times. I never looked to him as a potential love 💗 interest until he presented it himself. In 2013 I tried to see if our Chinese astrological signs 🪧 were compatible. They’re not. Goats 🐐 and ox 🐂 are basically enemies. 12:13 pmpt I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt many times probably more than I should have. 12:14 pmpt

12:15 pm pt hypothesis prolonged continuous exposure to specific chemicals and patterns might change a brain 🧠? Wishful thinking 💭 or truth? 12:17 pmpt

12:18 pmpt I don’t anticipate ahappy end to my torture. They’re making it worse now with continuous pain and input of lemon 🍋 juice 🧃 unrelenting when there is barely any bone 🦴 left. They LOVE 💕 to torture me and they gave signs 🪧 of death ☠️ to come. What is the point. I wrote everything in vain if the destruction of my body doesn’t end now. They stopped me from going to the c*ps 👮‍♂️ when I was mentally ready to try to confess to them. I can only imagine now they did that Bcz they were protecting Brendan Lean and maybe david Scott Cano. 12:24 pmpt

4:24 pmpt I used condoms with my first boyfriend and the 4th guy (after Scott). No problems with whichever condoms we used then. 4:25 pmpt

11:48 pmpt it feels like they were here and let me know by how shifted my underwear 🩲 felt. B4 that my flesh of the vag felt full and sensitive to touch and arousable. After the underwear 🩲 felt shifted it felt like the vag flesh was reduced and no longer arousable. It happened within minutes. The time I imagined the incubus sitting on me and I was h*rny was year 2020/2021? And that time I remembered feeling as if my underwear 🩲 was not on. I reached down to check and found it on. I guess they toyed 🧸 with my beliefs and feelings a lot intentionally to make me believe. They did it all my life so I can think 💭 back and wonder 💭 if that was why I was home 🏠 alone a lot growing up 🆙 and even in college years. Small short lived constellation 🌌 imaginary consolation prize (autocorrect prinsloo when tried to type prize 11:55 pmpt). I was probably alone and only existed to give others more things money 💰 and power, and for myself to suffer continuously. 11:56 pmpt

11:58 pmpt I feel backstabbed continuously by god.

12 am pt 7:12 pm today I saw 👀 someone with bleached blonde hair who looked like the incubus in passenger seat 💺 of a car 🚙 passing by my window 🪟 to park in the back of the hotel 🏨. Probably the last time I will see someone resembling him from afar/close-ish. The grim reaper. Only prob Bcz I challenged them on their ethics. But they went ahead to try to rob me completely of joy. I felt them stab another organ today right side of upper groin? Area. I fear it to be ovary. They don’t care 🤷🏻‍♀️ to know me. They controlled me and want to claim it’s the real me after many years of being different than that and having learning disabilities. They make me feel like I’m lying 🤥. If I was really like that I probably would have NEVER made the friends I made in my life. I think 💭 I had some nice friends for a while, even if it was short and felt like I was hiding in an introverted shell 🐢 they were extroverts to a degree 📜 and for some reason adopted me into their friendship circle ⭕️ for a little while. I shared colored markers and pencils ✏️ with my whole class 2nd grade. And classmates asked me to draw ✍️/color roses 🌹 for them. They used to write me for student of the week (butt searing pain for minutes 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤 12:10. Am pt) probably a distraction while they kill my ass. Peaches 🍑 Justin Bieber. ) they all wrote me for years: you’re quiet 🤐 you’re nice. 12:12 am pt my 4/5th grade teacher 👩‍🏫 wrote she liked my hugs 🫂. (Autocorrect like DONT 12:13 am pt DONTWANNAKNOW) incubus miñion are heartless. They do do child 🧒 rape. And deny it. 12:14 am pt

1:11 am pt this is punishment for existing and questioning anything.

1:13 am pt left thigh bone 🦴 pain 😖😖😖😖😖😭😭😭😭😭 above knee. Left shin bone 🦴 pain. He is only using me to insult me to show people that it’s ok to torture women and children and that they have “reasons” to. Even if the reason is probably made up 🆙 by long term chemical manipulation of the brain 🧠, the way they use it for transgender (autocorrect transfender) 1:18 am pt... anything is probably possible with god , talbot book 📖 I have yet to read. 1:18 am pt idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ 1:19 am pt hypothesis. But demon lord incubus doesn’t care for me. So he will lie. Change history. Cover up 🆙 the truth Bcz he has that authority. Doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong. 1:21 am pt he put so many things on to manipulate me. Why? Is it Bcz he knows what he’s doing is wrong? So he’s trying to cover his *ss? He was only here yesterday for show? And then punished me for saying I don’t want him anymore Bcz he made child rape happen? Guilty people with no remorse punish people for finding out the truth? Or do it to prevent truth from coming out. 1:25 am pt otherwise they would be able to show and tell what is truth or not without punishment but I’m not asking for a re enactment or for it to happen again. 1:27 am pt our destinies had similarities. Tricked me into thinking 💭 things that he’s probably going to say I did that on my own. Tricked me again into thinking 💭 it was ok 👌 to say. Then he punished me. 1:29 am pt . He punished me then it means something bad. But he (pain 1:30 am pr)

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

Text

20 may 2023 Saturday 3:23 am pt

I know child rape happened more recently. Back in 2008 I learned that child rape victims became in continent. Last year I learned my cousin knew, who is now 21, Bcz she personally knows someone her age who was raped when she was a child 🧒 and became incontinent. 3:25 am pt ick.

I would NEVER want to be married to a god like that. 3:26 am pt

3:26 am pt they have shown me they can edit photographs and print it out as if it was taken with 35 mm film 🎞, and videos, and your memory. They can and do change history all the time. Now I fear he changed the Diane sawyer interview. 3:28 am pt Bcz what they do is shameful and they know it and they don’t plan to own up and stop 🛑. They will never 👎 stop 🛑 like they say in harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. They intentionally mislead with the line about the monster 👹 that lives in the little girl 👧 dream 😴. 3:30 🕞 am pt david Scott cano is their king 🤴 their favorite and he accepts them as they are even though they are liars. 3:31 am pt

6:59 am pt incubus miñion next door 🚪 made me cry out in pain all morning and then he acts like he is innocent 😇 and annoyed when he comes out of his room. Are those nasa backpacks 🎒 exclusive or are those for everyone? Incubus joke of shakugan no Shana stuff. I saw 👀 a nasa backpack 🎒 in 2015? Next door 🚪 to Brendan when we were all neighbors. He said he came from Los Angeles but never talked to me. 7:03 am pt he’s been relentless this morning. I had nausea tummy aches stabbing pains in my abdomen and diarrhea that looks like lemon 🍋 juice 🧃 and I think 💭 I have the taste 👅 of mayb vinegar in my mouth 👄. Back left ribs pain. This pain started in 2017 when they were my neighbors. Autocorrect: mother next. He attacked my mother too. She lost a lot of bones 🦴 this year. We both started losing bones 🦴 at the same time in the hips, 2017 I think 💭 . My mom had a great figure until 2017, too. 😞 incubus miñion doesn’t care that “Brendan” might be Adam and that he offered to buy me plane ✈️ tickets 🎫 to have s*x with him in 2001, and he wanted me to probably say we were boyfriend and girlfriend then, too. No one cares Bcz he holds all the power. 7:09 am pt he tortured my *ss a lot recently and this morning burning it with acid making it bleed a lot. 7:10 am pt it makes me unable to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ and my abdomen turned a weird dark beige color. 7:11 am pt I’m afraid to lay down but I’m tired 😓 tired 😴. 7:11 am pt they punished me profusely (?) probably for the things I wrote and did not write ✍️ (abdomen pain 7:12 am pt) they keep trying to push a memory on me that I’m uncertain if it’s real. Or if they made it up. Either way, there was no penetration of Scott’s p*nis until he took off the condom. My vag seemed to have a mind of its own I thought 💭. I thought 💭 it was a sign 🪧 that I really didn’t want to have s*x at all with Scott that day, like I told him “I don’t think 💭 we should be doing this.” 7:16 am pt left ribs pain harder ! They are going to punish me again!!!! 7:17 am pt 😫😖😭 I can’t take this anymore! 7:17 am pt

7:23 am pt they changed my photos and my face so people won’t believe that I could have been prettier. They also changed my sister’s pictures, too. The incubus miñion probably did it for him so this is basically him not caring about the truth. And trying to hide it for him. 7:26 am pt they’re all like that. They like s*x with minors:15 & 16 year old girls. Maybe younger? When they’re 21 & 22 and older. 7:27 am pt. This is not a fake out. They’re really killing me and changed history to hide their ugly truth. 7:28 am pt

8:20 am pt they want me to write ✍️ that I tried to get his p*nis to penetrate me first, that he laid down first and then got up and I laid down after he got up 🆙. I don’t remember this part at first so I didn’t write it but now it is starting to feel like a real memory. 8:22 am pt

11:58 am pt my anus was eaten by acid. It is probably not where it is supposed to be. It hurts a lot. 12 pmpt those who have seen me know that this is real. 12 pmpdt

4:56 pmpt they want you to doubt if some of the crimes are real Bcz it allows them to have more freedom from those who would find it unacceptable to be forced by a higher power. Dolphin 🐬. Died. B4 2017? A lot. They do a lot of shameful things without shame. 4:58 pmpt

12:03 am pt I realized that all that running 🏃🏻‍♀️ I did was (ass stingy pain 😞 been bloody 🩸) was probably to make me more miserable in the present time back then. Track and cross country running and trying to p.r. On every mile was extremely hard. A team mate once asked me if I enjoyed running 🏃🏻‍♀️. Practice was a lot of times hard so I no longer enjoyed running 🏃🏻‍♀️ and I told her I enjoyed the results [of being able to eat more rather than the actual running 🏃🏻‍♀️ ]. The incubus miñion made my mom buy me sour grapes 🍇 today Bcz I thought 💭 of this a few days (big toe bone 🦴 pain 😖😭) he likes to smile I think at the thought 💭 of my death ☠️ Bcz in Japanese shi character looks like it’s smiling and shi means death ☠️. The Japanese are so much into cleanliness in their homes 🏠 that maybe 🤔 they look 👀 forward to death ☠️? Could they be suffering too? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ 12:10 am pt I’m also sour that the incubus put some effort into deceiving me by visiting me more recently I thought 💭 but I didn’t look 👀 directly at him so I’m not sure 🤔 but they wanted me to believe it was him. They made me imagine him sitting on top of me a few years ago when I was h*rny. But I think back to my life and think 💭 that there probably was no adequate times in my life for him that there is no way we could have dated the incubus way. 12:13 am pt seems more probable that he isn’t spending any time at all with me now. Only his miñion to kill me and do it in a miserable way making me feel miserable most of the time if not all the time. Anus felt a little more on the raw side today and very painful each extra strength application of acid. 12:16 am pt this acid on my anus is probably not new to me. I don’t remember well anymore but I did think so earlier when I recalled diarrhea when I was ≈9 years old at my dad’s. 12:17 am pt

12:27 am pt how do I know he’s smiling? He lets me know by forcing me to smile b4 or after I feel pain. 12:28 am pt

12:29 am pt he likes to do a lot of petty mean things to me after I tell him what I think of him. He ruins my things and makes me waste stuff even though I have no money 💰 left and he makes sure I know that he is retailiating. 12:31 am pt I told him I thought 💭 he was a child rapist and he has been extra hard every time. Makes me think 💭 that he’s extra guilty but has no shame. 12:32 am pt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 11 months

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19 may 2023 Friday 3:53 pmpt

Wikipedia says at least once a week but in the video she said it felt like almost everyday. The Wikipedia is probably based on the book 📚 was my assumption. I asked someone to buy the book 📚 for me but she was told they don’t sell the 📚 book. She probably went to Barnes and nobles last year. 3:54 pm pt sometimes I lose track of time and I am sometimes surprised what day it is. On Wikipedia it said that there was a sighting? Of them at a gas ⛽️ station 🚉 but Jaycee dugard doesn’t have a memory of it. 3:56 pmpt this is why I wanted to get the book 📚 to verify this on Wikipedia. 3:57 pm pt

4:04 pmpt when I started watching the Diane sawyer Jaycee dugard video on YouTube the incubus used acid in my groin area. I’ve been attacked with more acid in my brain 🧠 b4 that. More searing hot pain too. I think 💭 I lost a lot of butt bones 🦴 up to now. I might not have a butt soon 🔜. Justin Bieber peaches 🍑 bad *ss bit..ch[i]. Adam Levine fan account on Instagram. 4:08 pmpt

4:10 pm pt Adamlevineeg

4:11 pmpt I’m giving up 🆙. I was mistaken that I had something to fight for. I find it funny (not funny) that there are videos of the parole officer 👮‍♂️ at garrido’s. Those people have nice cars 🚘 and houses 🏘. 4:13 pm pt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what to think 💭. Makes the parole officer 👮‍♂️ look 👀 better than what Jaycee said. That they seemed to not care about her at all. 4:14 pmpt 4:15 pmpt

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

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17 may 2023 Wednesday 1:16 am pt

When I heard chupacabra, succubus, I thought 💭 1:41 am pt I thought 💭 some one told me those were demons who look like female humans but their vag had sharp teeth 🦷 that will bite off p*nis. I tried looking it up 🆙 on Wikipedia but it looks like I’m mistaken about the names but there are vag with teeth 🦷 storys. I wonder 💭 how far these stories go. For as long as god has controlled mans destiny? If so is this proof that for thousands of years god made men rape children 👶? 1:46 am pt why would he suddenly change now after dugard and Ramsey (Jon benet)? Makes me think 💭 mayb like his song harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ says maybe they will never stop 🛑. 1:47 am pt. As long as rich 🤑 men are rapists why should we believe otherwise? 1:48 am pt

The aol home 🏠 town web page 📄 Nick v/b made , it said he loves his girlfriend Amanda to death ☠️, had a mystery link the same color as the webpage’s background. It may be was put there by a hacker? The webpage said nick was into porn of dead ☠️ women in bathtubs 🛀. 5:30 🕠 am pt heart ♥️ pain minute ago 5:31 am pt 5:32 am pt

5:41 am pt the mysterious webpage said it was heard from Nick’s little brother. 5:42 am pt

3:59 pmpt 4 pm pt incubus changed my text in previous posts. I put year 2022. They changed it to 2023.

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

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14 May 2023 Sunday ☀️ 9:18 pmpT

Does the apple 🍎 fall far from the tree 🌳? Demon lord incubus told his demon angels to tell garrido to rape 11 year old dugard. The rape probably damaged her organs which is probably why it was painfI’ll. Painful. Autocorrect is weird. Team Levine. They’ve been threatening to give me a hysterectomy since 2017. They can do that dugard an 11 year old they can do that to anyone. 9:23 pmpt

15 may 2023 Monday 5:49 am pt

felt hot burned flame 🔥? Burned an organ under the belly button. That’s probably supposed to kill my digestive system maybe or maybe my reproductive system. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what’s there. But it is alarming that they did that and they stabbed me a bunch of times at the same time as if to separate muscles 💪 and joints from bones 🦴😞😖😭 they’ve been making my heart feel like it’s been stopping a bunch of times. This morning closer to midnight 🕛 they’ve been pouring liquid down my nose 👃 when I laid down on my back and then usually I go diarrhea after that. And then I felt my heart stop 🛑 I think 💭 I remembered. 5:54 am pt they also stabbed organs. They like to torment me by adding yucky tastes around my cups rims. They do that Bcz they like to call me a liar 🤥 with wicked lips 👄. 5:56 am pt and the like to call me garbage 🗑 trash 🗑 b*tch. There’s an Instagram fan account for the incubus and for Blake sheltons star ⭐️ Ceremony reel they put Justin Bieber peaches 🍑. Makes me think 💭 the incubus is calling me George Bcz he has dragon 🐉 tattoo on his leg 🦵 and he hugged behati’s leg 🦵 which is the same leg he has the tattoo on so it’s like he’s saying he’s the dragon 🐉 thru pictures. 6 am pt. I feel pain now in the organ they flamed 🔥.

10:52 am pt there’s a couple who has a big dark blue pickup 🛻 truck 🛻. It’s probably a model from 2017 I’m guessing. Bcz it’s big I assumed it’s newer. They like to park infront of my window 🪟 and leave it running for several minutes and the driver stands to wait outside of the truck 🛻 always. He s standing several feet 🦶 away. They are watching yesco guys dig a hole 🕳 and they hit something metallic sounding minutes ago. They were here when the water pipe was changed. The water 💦 is still on so I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what’s going on. 10:56 am pt 10:57 am pt I forgot if I was going to write ✍️ anything else.

4:31 pmpt incubus attacked my brain 🧠. Felt as if it permeated throughout the whole brain 🧠 with acid. Painful 😖. 4:33 pmpt autocorrect: I unfortunately incubus. Whatever. 😖😭😞 4:37 pmpt 4:38 pmpt I feel like I am missing part of my brain 🧠. Possibly. Not sure.

6:21 pmpt I think 💭 incubus attacked my stomach sphincter with acid 6:22 pmpt

I think 💭 the sphincters destruction will be the end of me so this is the end. 6:24 pmpt incubus team Levine are child rapists. Those who have the power to make it happen are very guilty. 6:25 pmpt

9:16 pmpt incubus/ miñion hit the sphincter of my bladder repeatedly in 2023. It felt like bone 🦴. It hurt a LOT. 😖😭 (searing left hip butt pain 9:18 pmpt) with great power comes great responsibility and to know the consequences of every plan. Can’t fuck up 🆙 what’s meant to be. Stroh’s Instagram of her neon lights 💡. God s plans before conception for your life. Maybe before your fathers conception too. God decided to subject children 👶 to rape no matter what the consequences. There was a movie 🎥 I mentioned here by description but not title that made me aware of the possible consequences of child rape for the child 🧒. I heard child rape victims become incontinent. Garrido’s 2 prior victims he raped for hours at a time and thought 💭 at least one of them enjoyed it. If the sphincter of the child 🧒 is still cartilage is it possibly sharp? Did it scratch garrido upon entry? A very small hole 🕳 probably against a bigger circumferences organ = the p*nis.? Still we know it hurt dugard for some reason. And for some reason god planned to subject dugard to this torture for years. And upon arrival he stripped her and gave her a bucket 🪣 to sit on per the demon angels’ instructions most probably. 9:26 pmpt Bcz the police 👮‍♂️ intentionally neglected finding her and garrido said the demon angels told him to do it, we know that god wanted it to happen and to continue for years from 1991 to 2009. Thank god and demon angels for making it happen. 9:28 pmpt sickos. Some cartilage hardens and becomes bones 🦴 . 9:29 pmpt

Maybe god cut her bladder sphincter ? To allow garrido’s p*nis to pass through more? 9:31 pmpt hypothesis.

9:54 pmpt it sounded like the blue truck 🛻 parked In The back but now there’s an older smelly 👃 yellow sporty looking car 🚗 with one black side. Was it a Monte Carlo? That’s dereks yahoo address. The other guy I talked to online in 2001. 9:56 pmpt 9:57 pmpt

10:03 pmpt did garrido only do it once a week Bcz it hurt him too? 10:04 pmpt

10:06 pmpt did each time he do it a week later did (😖😭 left calve leg 🦵 muscle pain 10:07 pmpt) he hope it would not hurt anymore? The demon angels probably told him to keep trying. He could have dropped her back home 🏠. He could have quit? He could have admitted it hurt? I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️. She’s alive and they have children together the first one When she was 14 years old. 10:11 pmpt 10:12 pmpt

Defund the police 👮‍♂️????? 10:17 pmpt

10:19 pmpt we (left 👁 🔥 hot pain tummy ache 10:20 pmpt)

I think 💭 only fluffy Gabriel Iglesias would understand me. Give me an air conditioner and I’m good. I had to endure 😣 many hot summers and even a hot September in New York in 2012. May used to be Goldilocks month not too hot 🥵. 10:23 pmpt

10:24 pmpt I wish there was a new bigger earth 🌍 to go to. But I think 💭 god doesn’t want to let any of his flocks separated from the rest. = more control. 10:26 pmpt pain right leg 🦵 bone 🦴 searing hot skin. 😖😭 10:27 pmpt they fed me lies to probably make my death ☠️ more bearable psychologically? Even though I felt like I was dying 🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤😖😭 every day for the last 6 years. And all the other years that came b4 it was hard to live with in my skin and usually wished I was someone else (left jaw bone 🦴 pain 10:30 🕥 pmpt). Blossom hill had a lot of the little trees 🌳 with the little pale pink blossoms. Probably cherry 🍒? My street there had those. 10:32 pmpt I guess I’m nothing special to anyone. Incubus proves that to me over and over again and again. Dugard probably felt similarly when the police 👮‍♂️ intentionally neglected searching garrido’s sheds. 10:34 pmpt when the black ants 🐜 reached her food 🥤🍔 first prob garrido raped her b4 she ate. 10:36 pmpt did I misunderstand what I read/heard? 10:37 pmpt

10:39 pmpt is this great America 🇺🇸???? I was in Berkeley in 2009. And I think 💭 I read that they found dugard there the same year. I think 💭 her mom was a printers? And I tried intaglio printmaking and didn’t hear 👂 about dugard until recently. In 1991 I was a first grader. Too young. Tummy ache. 10:42 pmpt our destinies seem to cross over a little but I don’t believe we ever met. 10:43 pmpt

10:47 pmpt incubus miñion killed my stomach I think 💭 I was distracted by typing 💬. I think 💭 naturally women are more careful about intercourse. But demon lord likes to make it harder to control our impulses. 10:49 pmpt

10:52 pmpt I wish my mind would stop 🛑 believing in the incubus’ lies. Feels like drugs? For the mind? To believe (left hip bone 🦴 pain. Chipped away feels gone 10:54 pmpt)

11 pmpt Instagram does not like my other user name. It said again about reviewing my account even though I only sent one person a message. 11:01 11:02 pmpt incubus is breaking my hips on both sides.

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