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mrs-munson-quinn · 2 years

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Electric Love ↯ A Eddie Munson Fanfic

| Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

| Stranger Things Vol.1 Spoilers!!

| TW!! Mentions of death, mentions of abuse, slight bullying, blood, swearing, traumatic past mentioned!!!! Read at your own risk.

| Slow Burn

Next part-> chapter 3

MASTERLIST

↯ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ʀᴇᴅ ↯

“So how have you been, little red” y/n asks as she avoids eye contact with max. While taking a sip of her tea that maxine had made for her. They where sitting in maxs very small dining table. Sitting acroos from each other.

She felt guilty.

It has been a year since billy passed and she’s just now visiting max. Sure there was calls from here in there but that wasn’t enough.

She was to stuck on her grieving to even remember about max grief. She never once properly checked on max who she sees as a little sister.

Max and Billy might have not been close but they cared for each other in their own weird way.

She can still remember max heartbreaking sobs as she was telling her the news about billy. Barely getting a word out.

While she heard max sobs she remembers being in shock. As no tears seemed to escape.

She had felt his death, somehow.

She had been at work when all of the sudden she felt this sharp pain in her chest enough to make her stumble. She remembers whispering Billys name as she felt the worst pain. She felt heartbroken. While tears were running down her cheeks.

She was confused when this happened. She had a suspicion but she chose to ignore it. She knew. But she had hit the first stage of grief. Denial.

Max call that night had given an answer to her assumption.

Max then later on revealed how billy had died. Know well that y/n would believe her. And max trusted her enough. After max told her what had happened she was stuck not knowing if it was a good idead to tell her about being part of the experiments that the girl elven went through as well.

the girl billy had sacrificed himself for.

At the end she had decided that the best thing to do was to tell her. She told her about being kidnapped by them and being sent to the lab in California that no longer existed. She told her how she escaped. And max took it well she was obviously shooked but she still was supportive.

“I been good” max responds while avoiding eye contact just like y/n was.

At the tone of max voice is when she finally decided to look at the red head instead of the flowery wallpaper that decorated the Hawkins trailer.

Thats when y/n took notice of max hunched posture. She took her time studying the girl. Her dark eyes circle that decorated her eyes. The way her nails where bitten which she only has when she’s been anxious or stressed. The way that she was tapping her foot over and over the wood floor, a trait that both har and max had. It quite literally looks like max is carrying the world on her shoulders.

And she just knew max was lying.

“How have you been really” she places a hand on top of the red head hand that was resting on the dining table that was in the kitch of the trailer.

“I-“ she starts while gripping y/n hand for more comfort. “I have been having these nightmares. I cant sleep anymore. If i do i only get a little sleep. And-and i keep getting these horrible headaches. I dont know what to do anymore, y/n” she finishes off whith her voice shaking. As she tries to hold back tears of frustration.

Y/n heart breaking more and more as she sees max break more.

how such a strong girl is now a broken girl.

“Oh. Come here, Red” y/n moves closer to max a pulls her in a hug. A thing both need.

Amd finally max lets it all out.

Y/n strokes max red hair as she pulls her closer. Max hands gripping y/n’s black leather jacket as she cries into y/n chest.

After a few minutes max finally calms out. Max still in y/n arms feeling better afte telling someone what been going on to her.

“I can give you a good sleep. Nightmare free.” y/n says while holding up her hand activating her powers showing the red swirls that moved around her finger making it in to a small energy ball and moving around her fingers.

“Wow” max gasp at the red swirls and at y/n eyes that became a glowing red. This had been max first time seeing y/n powers. She had expected them to be like elevens. No color. And no glowing eyes. She felt entranced by the red swirls.

Y/n just laughs at max reaction.

“Come show me where your bedroom is. So you can finally have a good night sleep” she says while getting up from the chair that she was sitting down.

“Yeah. Follow me” max takes her to her bedroom.

Y/n enters max room. Humming in approval as she looks around max bedroom. The cute decorations. Along with the posters that decorated the walls.

She then sits at the edge of max bed as she pick up the cassette player that was laying across the bed.

Putting on the headphones and pressing play.

Running up that hill by kate bush starts playing on the player. Pressing pause afte a few seconds of hearing it.

“Still your favorite song i see” taking max headphones off.

“You remember” max says with a small smile.

“Of course!. You would always play that song on the record player, when we would have our sleepovers. The sleepovers tha billy hated cause we were so loud we wouldt let him sleep” y/n exclaims with the biggest smile at the happy memories.

“I miss those days” max sighs with sad smile as she sits besides y/n She misses those days when they were all happy. When they would all hang out together. Sure most of the time her and billy were bickering. Or When y/n and her would gang up on billy and do everything to annoy him.

“I know. Me too” y/n says she says while taking max hand.

“Now lay down, so you can finally have a good sleep” y/n motherly voice comes out.

After max got under the covers y/n starts tucking in max.

“Alright then, you ready” y/n ask max.

Max just nods.

“You wont feel anything. But as soon as the magic hits you. You will feel your eyes get really heavy. And then sleep with hit you like a light” y/n moves her hand towards max head as the red huse of magic starts to move aroung her fingers. Finally extending her fingers sending red huse towards max head.

“Later, little red” y/n kisses max forehead as she sees her already drifting of to sleep.

Getting up from the edge of the bed she heads out of the room taking one last look towards max.

***

“Mmh.” Y/n hums trying to look for the right spaghetti noodles that she needs in order to make her special spaghetti dish.

She had decided to go to the store to buy something to make for dinner since max had just had old take out Chinese food in the fridge.

Neil and max mom had gone out on a trip so max was all alone. And since max dosent know how to cook her only opinion was to order take out

Finally finding the noodles she needs she heads towards the cashier. Getting distracted as she looks at the groceries in her hands as she looks to make sure if she has everything she needs.

Not noticing the person that was infront of her.

“Uff” y/n says as she bumps into a hard back all the items she held in her hands falling to the floor.

“I-im so sorry. Its all my fault i was distracted. I knew i should of gotten a basket. My dumbass just decide to struggle. Again im so sorry” y/n rambles while picking up the groceries that fell.

“It alright dont worry about it” the person she bumped into reassures her as they start to help y/n picking up the groceries that fell.

“Eddie?” Y/n looks up as she hears the familiar voice of the boy she met earlier today. Oh how embarrassing. Of course she had to bumped into the cute boy from earlier. She curses her bad luck she seems to carry around.

“Y/n!” He smiles as he recognizes the girl.

“How about i help you carry these to checkout?” slightly showing the groceries that he helped pick up.

***

“So how long do you plan to stay in this cursed town” eddie ask y/n as they head towards check out.

“Im not sure how long yet” she shrugs.

“Well i hope you decide to stay here for long” eddie say as he turns to look at y/n face. Blushing at what he just said.

“Sure” she laughs as she feels heat travel to her cheeks

“Well. Here we are” eddie says as they get in the checkout.

“Thank you for help. And im sorry for bumping into you.” She says with griamce remembering the embarrassing incident.

“You’re very much welcome, angel. And dont worry about it ” he smiles as he trails his eys through her face. It was the first time he has ever felt this giddy with a girl. With the few minutes he has hang out with her hes pretty sure that his smile never dropped. And never has he blushed before because of a girl. She was something else.

“Thank you again eddie for you help” y/n says as she puts the last bag of groceries in her trunk.

Eddie had decide to help y/n carry the groceries to her car.

“No problem angel” he blushe slightly at the appreciation. Making eye contact with the girl. The eye contact lasting a little to long.

“Shit” eddie suddenly breaks the eye contact as he remembers the hellfire campaign he needs to go to.

“I really have to go. See you later ?” He ask at the end heading towards his van. As he faces her walking backwards.

“See you later, eddie ” y/n suddenly gets shy. Making zero contact with the boy. Still flustered from eye contact that eddie broke.

Y/n quickly gets in her car and drives away. Heading towards max trailer

Gosh that boy is something else.

Hope you guys liked this chapter!!

Tags: @faefanatic @abbiesxox @yoyoanaria @sleepysl0th03 @ravenwayghwitch @b4i1e7 @nightless @zanmorgan @strangemaximoff

#eddie munson x you #eddie munson #eddie munson x female reader #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfic #joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things vol 1 #stranger things

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melancholysway · 1 year

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Serendipity (2007!Raphael x Fem!Reader) 9

Chapter IX: I Love You

NOTE: There are NSFW mature themes towards the end, there's a warning before hand, so you'll know and can choose not to read.

Chapter Key:

——— = a flashback is happening or ending ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ or ====

= perspective change

~ = small time skip

---

You shift in the seat cushion of the chair, feeling slightly relieved after today's session.

You tap your fingers into the wooden armrests, smiling at the familiar jet-black-haired lady, whose red lips curl into a smile as well, her early showing wrinkles crinkling at the corners of her eyes.

“You did a great job.”

The woman you’ve come accustomed to seeing once a week on Friday mornings sighs with contentment, “Y/n, you did a great job. I was simply here to listen and provide you with the steps to heal and move past those horrible experiences you’ve had.”

You are nearing the end of your discussion and final session with her, but she’s helped you so much with time.

Half a year has passed since the last major events in your life. Donatello had put up a different type of glass for you that won’t shatter at all, which you were extremely grateful for.

You assumed that Raphael’s gestures and open arms would be able to help you fully heal. Master Splinter helped as well, he listened to you talk about the situation.

You see, having two traumatic instances where you possibly could’ve died is not something that goes away easily. It shakes you mentally and sometimes leaves you with PTSD. You truly thought you were doing just fine with Raphael soothing and helping you on the night the man broke in, as well as the very first incident of almost being assaulted. However, sometimes, you have to get help from another source.

It started small, where loud noises caused you to become startled and you automatically would freeze up. However, the first major episode was in the Lair, when Mikey accidentally dropped a box of lightbulbs, causing them all to shatter on the floor.

—-

“And now we just…steady…MIKEY! STEADY!” Donnie exclaims to his younger brother as he watches the lightbulb fall to the ground. He was fixing a lamp from Mikey’s room, and the orange-clad turtle wanted to be all handy and help out. Donnie (reluctantly) agreed, knowing that at least one bad thing would happen during a seemingly easy task.

At this time, You were learning self-defense lessons from Splinter, along with Leo and Raph. It was very quiet throughout the Dojo and even the whole Lair, only the grunts and sounds of your punches hitting Leonardo were heard.

“Okay, now try sweeping me off my-“

BANG!

Suddenly, the loud noise of glass shattering on the floor is heard, ringing through the dojo.

“Tha hell was- Y/N!” Raphael is the first to run to your side as you’re curled up in a ball on the floor, but he doesn’t know what he should do. Leonardo puts his practice katana down and also runs to your side, and Master Splinter gets up from his position off the floor to tend to you.

”Y/n? What is the matter?” Master Splinter's voice echoes through your head, but you can’t answer. Your hands cover your ears, and the only look in your widened eyes is fear.

“Sorry, guys, Mikey here doesn’t…hey, is something wrong?” Donatello and a sheepish-looking Michelangelo trudging behind him enter the dojo as well, and now all eyes are focused on you and your well-being.

“I don’t know, Don.” Raphael is gentle with you, as he goes to his knees and draws comforting circles on your back. You both sit like this for a few moments, until you snap out of whatever trance you were in.

“I…I’m…fine.” You hide your red, tear-stained face from Raph, who helps you back on your feet.

“Bullshit,” He doesn’t rudely mean this, and you know that; but he can tell when you’re really not doing your best. You shouldn’t lie and hide how you’re truly feeling, it’ll only blow up in your face as time goes on.

“Raphael! Language.”

“Sorry, Mastah Splintah. Y/n…ya ain’t fine.” Your eyes adjust to your surroundings, and you become slightly overwhelmed that everyone is staring at you, all with concern.

Raphael has started to read you and how you feel. He’s still getting the hang of it, but right now, he’s 1000% sure that something’s going on with you.

“It’s probably from how loud it was, it just scared me, is all.” You huff, trying to divert the attention away from you.

Everyone else deems it as you simply getting startled, but Donatello and Raphael think it’s something serious. Splinter really does not want to pry, as it may be a sensitive topic for you to be open about, but he trusts that Raphael will be able to get through to you and really find out what’s wrong.

“I dunno what ta do, Don.” Raphael sits across from his brother in his lab, as he does some extensive research to come up with some possibilities on what may be up with you. Medical databases, websites, and anything he could find.

“Has this happened before?” He asks, typing on his notepad on his computer. Raph takes a moment and thinks about other times it was as bad as today, but they all seem minor compared to this one.

“Just because they weren’t as serious, doesn’t mean we should ignore them. Was it the same? Reaction to a loud noise?” He asks his older brother. Raphael then hears your quiet laughter coming from the other side of the lab door, followed by Mikey’s voice. Raphael sighs, smiling at the fact that Mikey is trying to make you feel better in some way. He truly does appreciate his brothers.

“Anythin’ with glass. It ain’t just objects fallin’ eitha. She avoids goin’ out when it’s dark unless it’s with me, she’s been avoiding hangin’ with Jade in the nighttime, unless it’s earlia.”

“Hmm…you see, now, I don’t want to diagnose her, I can’t, actually. I’m not a doctor. But…”

“But, what?” Raph asks, anxious to hear Donnie’s answer.

“Given that she’s been almost assaulted by a gang, and had someone break into her apartment, it sounds like she’s showing signs of post-traumatic stress disorder, Raph.”

He’s taken aback by Donnie’s theory with your current mental state and scoffs.

“No way, she woulda told me that.”

“PTSD is something people aren’t aware they have until it gets bad, Raph. The best action you can take as her boyfriend is to offer support so she can have that realization.”

---

So, that’s what Raph did.

He gave you support. It took a few weeks for you to come to the realization Donnie was talking about, actually. You initially knew something was up, but couldn’t put your finger on it.

Up until one night, while you were in the comfort of your own home. It was worse than the first incident in the lair because the setting you were in reminded you of the break-in as well.

---

“Whaddya think, Y/n?” Jade twirls around in the 5th and final dress she had to try on for you. It shocked you, but Jade was preparing for a date with, get this,

Teddy.

It all happened so smoothly when Jade decided to walk you to a class pertaining to your major since hers was canceled. You, unfortunately, were still stuck going to class.

Luckily for you, Teddy was aiming for the same degree as you, so you saw him frequently in your classes throughout the new semester. You both decided to sit together once again like it’s tradition.

The football player was already in his usual seat, his bag on the chair next to him, holding your spot. As you and Jade made your way to your spot, Teddy was, quite literally, starstruck with Jade.

So much so, that he immediately asked for her number or whatever social media she had.

“He’s a good guy, Jade, promise.” You whispered into her ear as she was thinking if she should give Teddy the time of day.

“Hmm…tell ya what, Wilds.”

“Yes Goddess Jade- err, I mean Jade?” He plays his sentence off smoothly, whilst scratching the back of his neck nervously waiting for her answer.

“You’re cute, and you seem harmless, so why not?” Yes! You could SEE the fireworks go off in Teddy’s mind.

That man would not stop talking about her the whole time after she left, he was seriously excited that he was already planning on a first date.

The rest is history.

And now, here you are, watching Jade’s cheeks turn red just at the mention of Teddy’s name.

“I think-”

CRASH!

You stop mid-sentence, as a loud crash is heard coming from the hallway outside your apartment door.

“Whoa! What the hell was that?! Hey,- Y/n?” Jade stops talking when she notices you curled up in a ball on your bed. She immediately rushes to your side, confused about what’s wrong with you.

“You okay?” You did mention the fact that you were almost robbed a few weeks prior, but Jade didn’t seem to put the pieces together that your reaction was a result of that incident.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe. I’m right here.” She tries soothing you, but it doesn’t go away. Soon, you’re pushing her away while telling her to stop touching you.

“Wha? Y/n, I’m your friend!”

“Get away! I don’t have any money!”

“Oh…” A lightbulb seems to go off in Jade’s head because she’s telling you to repeat positive affirmations while keeping her distance from you.

“You’re safe, you’re okay.” She repeats for what was the 50th time. She spent 20 minutes trying to calm you down, and it was working.

“I’m…safe…I’m…”

“You’re okay, Y/n.”

“I’m…I’m not okay.” You take a deep breath, physically and mentally drained from all the panic you were in.

“I think…something’s wrong. With me, I mean.” Jade gets up from the opposite side of your room and sits down next to you.

“I get like that whenever glass breaks or shatters loudly, I don’t understand.” You feel defeated, truly.

“How about this, we get some fresh air, while it’s still bright outside?” Jade’s offer is nice, and you decide to accept it.

‘Jade is truly a great friend,’ you think to yourself. She takes you to one of your favorite spots to get food and tries to get your mind off of things for the time being. She did the best she could, but it was something that loomed over your mind for the entirety of being outside.

So when she walks you back to your place, she asks you if you’ll be fine on your own for this evening.

“I’ll be okay, thanks, Jade. Really.”

“You’re my friend, Y/n, I’m a phone call or text away.” With that, she gives you a gentle hug before returning home.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Donnie?” You ask, hoping he has some time to spare.

“Hey, Y/n! You doing okay?” He asks sincerely, only for you to sigh on the other end.

“I…no. You’re right, about something being wrong.”

You can hear Donatello shift in his chair, “Oh no, Y/n. It happened again?”

Laying on your bed in a starfish position, you gaze at your ceiling, “It was worse. I…thought Jade was an intruder.”

“Give me a few minutes, Raph and I will be right over.”

When Donnie and Raph did make it to your apartment, they could feel something is off the moment they both step in.

“Hey babe, com’ere.” You walk over to Raph, smiling at him as he embraces you in a warm hug. Donatello greets you and flashes a small smile, as he says he’s going to give you both some time alone before you all talk about what could be wrong.

“Where’s my favorite Stelly-Welly?” Donatello cooed as he searched for your cat in the living room. He’s been obsessed with Stella since he fixed your window, she was just so sweet!

Raphael’s golden eyes stare into yours with concern.

“We’re gonna help ya, don’t worry.”

“Thank you, Raph.” You wrap your arms around his neck and plant a kiss on his lips.

“Anytime, babe.”

When it came down to Donatello telling you what may be wrong, you were shocked, to say the least. You told him that you would’ve never thought those events would have an effect on you after the fact, months down the line even.

But, he explained that that’s how your mental state is affected. You may physically be okay, but deep down your brain is still expecting the worst of the worst.

So as Donnie showed you the many resources and steps you could take to get help beyond just friends and Raph, you took it.

“If it worsens or stays the same after speaking with a licensed therapist, they may even prescribe you medication,” He says. As nervous you may feel right now, you know that you can’t simply “get over it.” You have to find a way to heal, much deeper than how you initially thought you had been. You’re also not alone at all, it seems.

As Donatello focuses on helping you find a local clinic and a potential therapist, Raphael is focused on keeping your spirits up.

—-

That was the beginning of your journey to recovery. It wasn’t an easy one, opening up to a complete stranger about the events. But, with time, it worked.

You thank your therapist, Christina, once again for her help. She smiles her usual sweet smile, and tells you that whenever you may need to speak to her again about anything, she’s always here.

“I’m glad Raphael is still by your side in all this, he seems great for you.” She says as her final thought. She’s right, Raphael is truly a great match for you.

“He's done a lot for me, Christina. So much, it’s unthinkable.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Christina tucks a strand of hair behind her left ear, “I’m also glad I was able to be of help to you, Y/n.”

With that, you give her one final goodbye, and you head out of that same familiar birch door that squeaked everytime it was touched, out into the world once again.

You made your way through the bustling city streets, the warm polluted air kissing your face. It’s springtime, and that meant you were wrapping up your spring semester as a sophomore, ready to be a junior. It wasn’t easy, especially dealing with the new mental health crisis you discovered. Not only this, but classes seemed to be longer, the work harder, and the deadlines coming quicker.

But, you were getting through it, and not a lot of college students can say that. By this point, the average person may have dropped out by now, but not you. You’re strong- and you were determined to graduate college.

Since your therapy sessions were finished, you felt hopeful for the days to come. You haven’t had any episodes since the last time with Jade that were THAT bad, but you’re still getting comfortable going out at night.

You couldn’t wait for tomorrow, as you were going to visit your boyfriend. Until then, you’ve been talking on the phone after therapy sessions for reassurance and just to enjoy the sound of each other’s voice.

“I’m glad it worked for ya, princess. I see it. Donnie sees it, too.” Raph says on the other end.

Unlocking your apartment door, you’re greeted by the warm air due to very nice heating, “Thank you guys. Hey, I’m gonna come over tomorrow, I’m gonna go through withdrawal if I don’t see you.” You whine jokingly, well, half-jokingly. Raphael chuckles on the other end, his low voice always sending you down a spiral of restlessness.

“Trust me, I miss ya more, I’ll try and swing by tonight afta patrol, sound good?” The red-banded turtle asks.

“More than good, Raph.”

~~~~~~~~~

“Raphael~!” You sing as you enter the lair.

The living space is empty, except for Leonardo at the kitchen table sipping some tea.

“I’m not Raph, but hello, Y/n. Look, Mikey made me toast.” Leonardo says happily he takes a bite of a slightly darkened piece of whole wheat toast. Leonardo has confessed to you that he couldn’t cook, so he often relies on Mikey for that.

“It’s so easy bro. You just pull the lever down and…actually, Nevermind. Dudette! Hey!” Mikey says as he comes down the stairs with a comic in his hands. You greet and give him your usual giddy hug, and he takes a seat on the couch.

“I’ll get Raph for you. Observe. Ahem, RAPHIE!” Mikey exclaims from his spot, only for Leo to shush him and Donnie to wheel out of his lab on his chair, giving Mikey a dirty look from the darkened corridor and slowly wheeling back in.

Suddenly, you see Raphael and Splinter emerge from the dojo, and you watch as Raph’s amber eyes glared at his younger brother, also giving him a dirty look.

“That nickname is exclusive ta Don, Mikey! It’s our thing!” Raph reminds. Mikey can’t help but laugh, and Leo can’t help but sigh at the situation.

“Hey, Raph.” “Hi, Master Splinter.” You bow at their rat Sensei, as you read somewhere that it was a sign of respect. Plus, the turtles always did it during training or talking with Splinter, so you sort of picked up on it.

Dating Raphael had to be the best decision you’ve made so far. His life…was widely interesting. He had three amazing brothers, all of which work together and are a strong team. He also has an extremely wise father and sensei, who only wants what’s best for his sons.

As for the relationships you’ve built with Raph’s brothers, you find Donnie to be your closest friend out of the three. Donatello and Raphael are beautiful counterparts of each other. Donnie’s sarcasm is very complex and advanced, while Raph’s is just plain crude. But, they both bond over this sarcasm and even bounce off of each other at times. Raphael’s favorite brother was always Donatello.

Let’s not undermine the fact that Donatello understands Raphael completely. He’s your go-to. If you aren’t sure what kind of date you should set up with him, ask Donnie! He’ll gladly help you plan a date with his brother. A happy Raph is a good Raph in that household. Donatello is a great turtle to go to when you need advice. You know, a relationship is rocky, there are ups and downs, and there are exciting times and boring times. But, that’s the beauty of a relationship, that you can get through it all with the same person- er, turtle.

---

“It sounds to me that he just needs some time to take in what you said, Y/n.” Donnie says, face coming up from being buried in his computer monitor. Raphael and Leonardo had gotten into a petty argument again. If you remembered correctly, it was something about beating down the PDs or letting them go. Leonardo chose to let them go, and it resulted in a fight between the two brothers.

Raphael did what he usually does when he gets into it with Leo, he calls you. But, this wasn’t one of those petty arguments he and Leo agreed to disagree on, no, Raph was genuinely mad.

“I see where Leo comes from, if they’re not doing anything, there’s no point in poking the bear if that makes sense. Bu-”

“You an me both know tha PDs are pieces of shit.” He interrupts you, which was common if he was upset about something he was passionate about. You can’t be mad at Raph for caring about a topic.

“I know, but let me finish. I see where you come from too, Raph. You still carry the world, it won’t change. But, I think the point of Leo having you all walk away was to show that at some point in your lives, you won’t be able to stop the PDs. If they aren’t bothering anyone, there’s no point.”

Raphael doesn’t say anything, but he sighs on the other line.

“You know,” You start, “As much as I would love to beat the shit out of the PD’s, they’ll just get back on their feet and move on.”

Raph stares at the ceiling, you’re right. Maybe he shouldn’t have been mad at Leo and gotten into an argument about it. It’s not like they constantly argue, it’s just little things they may disagree on. But, this one was the first MAJOR argument they’ve had since Winter’s Corp and the Stone Generals situation.

Raph’s trying. He’s trying not to erupt on you about the situation and your opinion. He can’t get mad at you, he knows this. You’re simply there to listen and give your feelings; you are not obligated to agree with him simply because he’s your boyfriend. He understands that sometimes, you both may disagree on something, but that doesn’t mean it should result in a fight. He’s better than that. He wouldn’t have fallen for you if he thought you would’ve brought drama into his life.

So, to prevent him from saying anything you may take the wrong way, he tells you he’s gotta go, and that he loves you before hanging up.

Thus, this is where you seeing Donnie comes into play.

“I see he’s trying. He’s trying to be a good guy for you. If he hurt you once, he absolutely does not want to do it again.” The brown-eyed turtle stops typing on his keyboard, and his attention is all on you. Donatello wants his words to get through, and to be a good wingman for Raph when Casey can’t. Truth be told, Donnie feels a little bad for thinking Raphael did nothing during Leo’s absence, so he’s trying to make up for it. In contrast, Raphael feels bad for giving Donnie a hard time as well, so he’s trying to make up for that. They talk more, spend more time together, bond over more common interests, and are a pretty good duo.

So, it’s only right that he helps you with Raph.

Now, don’t get the wrong idea, Donatello is not having feelings for you. He absolutely does not want Raph to think this at all, so he changed little things. He keeps the door open in his lab when you’re in there and he limits the hugs to just greetings and goodbyes (lord someone teach Mikey this before Raph blows a fuse,) he would hate it if Raph got the wrong idea.

“He’s most likely thinking about apologizing to Leo as we speak.” You and Donnie stop talking, and it’s silent throughout the lab, except for the rhythmic beeping from his monitor, and the footsteps of Leonardo approaching the lab door and passing through, his seemingly stressed form trudging its way to the dojo. You wondered how that would go since Raph was also in there. You’d usually spend your time watching him work out or (attempting) to work out with him. But, you knew a lot was looming on his mind, and he locked himself in, so. You really couldn’t get in there.

That is until Leo tries to open the sliding doors, only for them to be jammed.

“You’re kidding. Raph!” Like watching a sibling trying to get in the bathroom while the other is wasting all the hot water, you faintly hear loud knocking on the dojo doors.

A few moments of loud knocking later, you hear the dojo doors slide open with great force.

“Yeah?” You hear Raph’s voice, it’s hard to hear, but you can make out what the two brothers are saying.

“It’s my meditation time.”

“Ya got a room fa that upstairs.” Raph retorts, smirking and pointing up at Leo’s bedroom.

The leader in blue deadpans at his brother, “But I want the dojo,”

“No.” Leonardo sighs. Raphael could push his buttons without even trying, huh? To avoid the possibility of a petty argument over the dojo, Leonardo turns to leave, until Raph chuckles.

“I’m messin’ Fearless. It’s all yours. I ain’t good at sayin’ sorry ta ya…ya know that. So…I’m at fault. Fa not hearin ya out the other night. Whether we here or not, the PDs will continue to terrorize this city.” Overhearing that coming from Raph makes your heart flutter.

Now, Raph listens. He’s a listener when he wants to be. He took what you said to heart, and came to the conclusion that you were right.

“Terrorize is an understatement little brother, but when they do, we’ll be there to stop them. Promise.” With that, Raphael looks at his older brother and smirks as they fist-bump each other. Raphael does not and will not hold a grudge against his brother after the one due to his absence. He let this anger about his brother leaving to train and then staying longer than he intended to seep in and fester. Grow into a despise of his own brother, and that’s what led to the fight on the rooftop.

—-

He doesn’t want that to happen again. After all, family is everything to Raph. It’s why he’s so protective over his younger brothers because they’re everything to him. They mean everything to him. As for Leo, though Raph may not admit it, he looks up to him in a way. He sees him as this level-headed entity who tries his best, and he sees that. Raph sees it now, as he had this realization after that fight. Leo’s trying, for himself, and for the family. And if Leo could put his heart and soul into trying to become a better version of himself for the sake of the team, Raphael can appreciate his efforts and try to see where he’s coming from. He may not understand it at first, but right now, he does.

To jump back to the previous point, you mean a lot to him as well. That’s why he stops himself from letting that inner anger take control and chooses to leave or change the direction of the conversation.

Raphael was happy. Happy that you were with him, but even happier that you liked his brothers. Like it was mentioned earlier, dear readers: Family means everything to him. If you didn’t get along with his family, he’d have to let you go. It sounds crazy, but family comes first- even if it means having to leave you. It’s something he never had to think about with you or Sabrina because you both were just drawn to his brothers. It may also be because Raphael seems to attract level-headed women, while someone like Mikey may get women who might take advantage of his kindness. Not to say Mikey doesn’t know his worth, but Raph isn’t so gullible. He knows how shit works. He knows how to play the game if there is one.

So, he loved that you got along with all of his brothers so well, especially Donnie. Raphael knew that Donatello needed someone to listen to him and to be interested in what he was saying, so he appreciated that you became that person for his little brother.

“I’m gonna go say hi to Donnie,” You say as you walk toward the lab, you can hear Raph’s footsteps follow behind.

Once you get to the lab, Donnie’s lips curl into a smile at the sight of you- his closest human friend. He gives you a nice greeting that you reciprocate, as you both talk for a few minutes. Once it goes silent between the two of you for a moment, Raphael clears his throat.

“Hope ya don’t mind Don but I’m takin’ my girl away from ya,” Raph says, thinking about what he’s gonna do with you when he gets upstairs.

“Nope, she’s all yours! We can talk more later, Y/n.” Donnie says as he goes to his table of inventions and things that require repairs. He eyes the microwave and scowls. Yes, Leo broke it if you were wondering. As if Leo couldn’t break anything but the toaster, he goes and breaks the fucking microwave. Donatello isn’t even sure how he broke it in the first place. Like, how do you manage to break a microwave, Leo?

Anyway, you give him a smile and wave as Raphael leads you out of his younger brother's lab and up the stairs, all the way to his room. You sit comfortably on the edge of Raph’s bed, the dim light seeping from outside his room. Raph looks at you before winking and closing the door, light coming from the living space is now gone, and you’re left in complete darkness. You could feel him staring at you, and you think he has that sexy smirk he puts on when he wants to make out with you, and you hear him quickly making his way to the bed to stand in front of you, lifting your chin up and his lips landing on yours.

“I thought about…sumthin…well, I think…about it…all tha time,” he says in between kisses. As you moan slightly into the kiss, he places his hands around your waist and moves his lips from yours to your neck. He leaves butterfly kisses all over, not wanting to leave a mark (though he also thinks about this sometimes.) You close your eyes, basking in the pleasure of having your boyfriend kissing and loving on your skin, as you respond to his earlier statement in between breaths.

“Thinking…about what…Raph?” You can feel him getting confident in working with your body, as he lives little nips on your cricoid clavicle. It feels amazing, and you can’t help but moan slightly louder than before. You feel Raph’s lips vibrate into your neck as he shushes you sensually, before working back up to your lips.

“You. When I told ya I loved ya. The first time. I think about that a lot.” Raph says, his cheeks heating up as a result of minor embarrassment. But, as you rub up and down his biceps, he doesn’t feel so embarrassed after your response.

“Wait, you think about that? Truly?” You ask, smiling gently. You know Raph probably can’t see your face, so you let your tone show Raph that you love what he just confessed to doing.

“Yeah…I do. I don’ know why, but it stays in my head all tha time.”

“It’s a core memory, that’s why Raph.” You say, kneeling on his bed so that you’re slightly taller than him and feeling around in front of you for his forehead, kissing it gently when you do. Raph was a sucker for forehead kisses. His strong hands find their way to your waist and latch onto you like he loved to do, and you go back to your original position on the bed. This is short-lived, as Raph gently picks you up and puts you in the middle of his bed, going on top of you and smashing his lips into yours.

“I know I can’t see ya right now, but you’re gorgeous, princess.” Raphael’s deep voice compliments, sending shivers down your whole body. His fingers find their way into your hair, and your fingers twirl with the ends of his mask. Raphael always liked your hair.

A core memory, huh?

Well, his first “I love you” ever wasn’t something he would forget. Not now, not ever.

Raphael was in love with you. He knew that’s what it was because he looked it up. Not only that, but he asked Splinter about it to confirm it was love and not early signs of a heart attack according to Google. Now, you’ve told each other you loved each other already, but we’re focused on the very first time. Because Raphael continues to play it every time in his head before he goes to sleep now.

—-

“Kneel, my son.” Master Splinter says to his second oldest son. He’s sitting in the dojo after just meditating, surrounded by a soft ambiance and candlelight. Raphael’s nervous body language didn’t go unnoticed by his Sensei and Father.

“First off, how are you, my son?” Master Splinter uses a different tactic when it comes to speaking to Raphael. He knows that Raphael needs someone to listen to him fully, without judging. So Master Splinter asks how he’s doing to establish a comforting space for him to talk, to where Splinter is talking to him as his amazing son, not his student or a troubled young adult.

“Good…I’m good. It’s just…Y/n.” Raphael seems to talk steadily, almost unsure of what he’s feeling.

“Is there trouble in paradise, my son? You are always welcome to discuss your and Y/n’s conflicts with me, I will not look at you both any differently.” The short rat states, stroking his fuzzy beard. But, Raphael shakes his head in response.

“No, ain’t no trouble. Bein’ wit ha…it’s nuthin but paradise. It’s just…I think I love her.” Splinter’s ears perk up, excited to hear that one of his sons is starting to experience an emotion that was thought to be exclusive to only two humans.

“Well, what is the problem with that Raphael?” He asks. Raphael thinks for a moment, then sighs.

“I- I don’t know how to tell ha that. Or if it’s love. It can’t be, right? Is that too much? What if she don’t feel tha same? What if it’s too early fa that? What if I mess up tellin-.” Raphael spits his thoughts out sporadically, unsure of the answers to all of his “what-ifs.”

But, when Splinter gets up from in front of Raphael and puts a supportive paw on his shoulder, he stops rambling and breathes in deeply.

“Listen, my son. Miss Y/n is someone who has shown time and time again she cares for you. She cares for your feelings, if she did not care, she would not have taken you back after your leave of absence from her life.”

Splinter walls around the dojo and goes into a drawer, opening up a small box of lavender incense sticks, and picks one out. Placing it on a nearby unscented candle, it catches the flame and is engulfed onto the end of the stick. After a few seconds, he gently waved it around for the flame to die, watching as the smoke emerged from the end and bringing the scents of the purple flower as well as mint to life in the dojo.

Raphael looks at his Sensei, then at his fingers resting on his thighs, as he balls his hands into a fist, taking in what his father is telling him. He’s right, he always is. He’s right about Y/n, Splinter can see through people for God’s sake.

“It is love, Raphael. If you are thinking this much about it, there is no doubt in my mind it is love. It is only right that it is, you have developed feelings that get stronger the longer you are with her.” Raphael smiles, thank God it’s not early warning signs of a heart attack. Not only that, but now he knows his mind and heart are in sync with each other, and he loves Y/n. He loves her.

“If you overthink like this before you tell her, you will never get the chance to. It’ll come to you, at the moment. Do not think about it, it will come naturally. And who knows, you might be surprised by what she says.”

As days went on, Raphael was fighting with himself to tell you and to also find the right time to. He was beginning to think there wouldn’t be a right time. But…it was supposed to come naturally. He seemed to forget that part Splinter told him because Raph is a natural overthinker in some situations.

How would you react to his confession?

Well, unbeknownst to Raphael, he was about to find out.

And better yet, it came just like Splinter said it would: naturally.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raphael’s nerves were going slightly wild, as he cuddled you on your couch. This was your 4th official date, and both decided to stay indoors enjoying each other’s company. He didn’t reveal what he had made for you, not yet. He was waiting. Waiting for what you may ask? He wasn’t sure.

“Raph, did you wanna spend the night? I would love to continue this on the bed,” You say as you turn and face your boyfriend, pecking him on the lips before you stretch. Raphael follows suit until he remembers he still had something to do before he heads to bed.

There wasn’t going to be a “perfect” time to give you this, so he decided to just go for it.

“Hey I…have sumthin’ for ya, Y/n.” He says. You walk to shut off the TV, maneuvering around Stella so you wouldn’t wake her. Raphael takes this time to get out his “something” for you, and he hopes it’s as good an idea as Donnie said it was.

“Really? You know you don’t have to get me anything, being with you is enou-“ You stop mid-sentence and look at what Raph’s holding.

It’s…so cute.

It mimics the features of a Chinese braided bracelet- one that signifies good luck and fortune. This one, however, has a white “R” etched into the thickest part of the bracelet, which after you put it on, sits on your wrist. It’s simple, yet you couldn’t help but smile your biggest smile at your boyfriend. Raphael looks at you and smiles sheepishly back at you.

“I thought I should make ya sumthin…that reminds you of me when you’re away, is it too much? Don said it wasn’t but then again he’s single and hasn’t-“You stop Raphael from rambling with a hard kiss on his lips. He kisses back with an equal amount of force and passion as well.

“Raph, you took the time to make something for me. I don’t care what your doubts are about It. I love it so-”

“I love you too.” It may have been that Raphael was over the moon with your reaction and that you didn’t finish your sentence and he jumped the gun, but he told you that he loved you.

Too.

It takes you aback, because Raphael had said it as if it’s been on his mind for a while, and it sounds like he’s lifting a big weight off his shoulders. He doesn’t register that you didn’t say you loved him until after. That’s when he panics a little. Now, Raphael wears his emotions on his sleeve, and you immediately see the panic in his eyes. He didn’t mean to tell you he loved you like that. He wanted it to be mutual, and for it to go smoothly.

“Wait, wait, it’s okay! I…I love you too, Raphael.” You say, squeezing his bicep before he gets any more nervous or overthinks the situation. You loved Raph, you really, really did.

So, you look up at him and give him a loving kiss on his cheek. “I love you. I mean that.”

Raphael’s golden eyes seem to light up with a new admiration for you. After all this time, from the first meet to the time you spent together, to the time he completely left you out to dry, to now…you loved him. There was nothing that doubted him at that moment. You said it once more to put him at ease, that you didn’t just say it the first time back because he said it. No, you truly loved him. It’s rare for him, or any of his brothers, to find love. He was hoping there would be women like you somewhere in New York that accepted his brothers as you did him.

Now, it was very rare for Raph to widely smile- much like Mikey. He would usually smirk, or give a normal smile. But right now, he had the biggest smile on his face.

You were the cause of this. Of this sudden euphoria.

******OKAY Y'ALL if you don’t like mentions of rated r activity feel free to skip this part*******

So, it’s no surprise that Raph picked you up and walked to your bedroom, lightly placing you on the bed. He goes to dive in for a kiss, but you decide that it’s time for you to take some control. So, you sit up, and motion for Raph to take your spot on the bed.

He watches you in awe as you straddle his waist, enjoying the show you're giving him on top. You decide to take off the top that you’re wearing, only leaving you in your bra and shorts. Raphael notices every mark you may or may not have, and he loves it. He sees how you chose to wear a red laced bra tonight, almost teasing and enticing him to take it off of you. Give him some time to get comfortable and navigate your body, and it’ll surely happen in a few moments. With the new exposed skin, Raph smirks as his hands find their way to rub up and down your sides, loving how smooth your skin was, and how warm it felt.

“Ya know…yer so…fuckin…sexy,” Raph whispers in between kisses. He loves the sight of you. It’s like a drug he’s rapidly becoming addicted to. As you gave him access to your neck and collarbones, he was ready to paint you and make you a work of art with his signature all over it. Because good God, he was so ready to suck your supple skin. To taste how sweet your skin was, and when it was getting heated, the slightly salty taste it had from light sweat.

You were his, undeniably his, and you were loving every second of this moment. That you allowed him to leave those marks on your neck, as he searched for a spot that would have you-

“Raph, ah~” Bingo. He was understanding how your body worked, what places to kiss or nibble that made you crumble on top of him, and others that made you giggle from it being ticklish.

He just made you moan, and it seemed to have boosted his ego because he was going in with more confidence, and more drive to get you to do it again. Your voice sounded so perfect, he wanted you to sing like that for him again; louder.

“I love tha way ya sound, do it again fa me, princess,” He says, sitting upright and latching his lips onto your chest. He doesn’t want to take you apart just yet, and he begins to leave small love bites right on top of your breasts until he gets to one spot where you make that sound once again, that wonderful moan that signifies he’s doing the right thing. That he’s allowing you to become vulnerable and exposed on top of him.

“Is this okay?” You asked, fiddling with your bra strap. Raphael gives you the same sexy smirk he gave you the first time he kissed you, and it seals the deal.

“More than okay. I want ya, princess.” He says as his fingers dance over your bra straps, which slowly make their way to the hook-and-eye closure on your bra, getting slightly irritated when he can’t unclip it with his larger hands. You giggle softly, and help him out, giving him a smile when you feel the support on your breasts falter, and the only way the bra is being held up is because of Raph’s hands.

Once it’s fully off, Raphael can’t help but feel. They��re soft. They’re so soft. How they jiggled when his hands fiddled with them, and how the small buds became harder and more sensitive due to the fresh cool air and the sexual activity being initiated. He looks up at you with amber eyes full of lust as he begins to dive in and suck in places that send you into a downward spiral of newly sprouted orgasm craving, and a longing for your boyfriend in such a sickeningly sexy sinful manner.

It’s amazing that Raphael can make you feel this way. It’s something that’s unmatched.

So, when you both get comfortable enough to where all the clothing is off you, and he’s looming on top, ready to pop his own virginity cherry, you can’t help but kiss him with pure love right before he slides it in. As he’s in his most vulnerable state on top of you, blushing madly from all the friction and this erection that can’t seem to go away, longing for your soft walls to welcome it home where it belongs, you kiss him again. To let him know that you want this as much as he did.

And holy mother of mutagen, he wanted this bad with you. Because honestly, he couldn’t be more in love with you.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: HERE

NEXT CHAPTER: HERE

Taglist:

@bee-1n-space

#tmnt #tmnt 2007 #raphael x reader #tmnt raphael #donatello #leonardo #teenage mutant ninja turtles #raph x reader #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt fanfics #tmnt x reader #tmnt 2012 #bayverse tmnt

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pageofheartdj · 2 years

Note

So when Hunter got close to Gus he got to see illusions of what happened in Hollow Minds which was pretty traumatic for him, so if Gus showed people something they feared, what did Adrian see that was so horrible that he was still in shock at the end? Like did he went through something traumatic himself in the past and had to experience it all over again with Gus' illusions? I feel he's probably a broken man inside if it shaken him up that much he's still out of it at the end of the episode.

I KNOW, RIGHT?!

What is the reason?? It was pretty disturbing!

And even though the scouts dragging him away was portrayed a bit comedic(at least it looked like that for me) there has to be a reason for such a strong reaction!!

Maybe he and scouts were in direct attack so they couldn't shake the intrusive memories away and Hunter could because he wasn't in the first blast?

#the owl house #toh spoilers #toh #TITAN I need answers!!#Adrian Graye Vernworth

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ashiemochi · 2 years

Text

aphrotitty - 57 (ii)☢

✠ Aphrotitty ↳ Don’t do anything stupid ↳↳ does something stupid

~~ pairing: OC x Leon S(exy) Kennedy. ~~ genre: fluff, a slice of life, angst, gore at some point, smut/suggestive themes ~~ word count: no

NOTE: ✠ = time skip ✠✠ = switching povs/characters

☢ Minor Warning: descriptions of zombies/gore, though it's only like one sentence.

prev -> next

The corridor was filled with faint clicking of heels as the lone woman made her way out to the rooftop. With her insides still as jittery as her hands, So Ah believed she deserved a little break from socialising for the past few hours – especially that piano show she put on.

It was nerve-wracking, to say the least, but a sense of accomplishment filled her up and made a small smile appear on her face.

So Ah could only imagine the look on her therapist’s face the next time she sees him.

Releasing out a sigh at the fresh air, soft cinnamons took in the glistening sight of the city from above. It looked peaceful from up there and a feeling of nostalgia hit her now pounding heart. So Ah’s eyes trailed down to her shaking hands before setting them onto the cold railing, barely an attempt to soothe them down.

She closed her eyes briefly to go to the safe place in her head but a voice jolted her, sending explosive butterflies to her stomach.

“Didn’t know you could play the piano.”

So Ah looked over her shoulder, eyes widening just a tad in surprise as Leon slowly made his way to her, holding onto a gentle grin on his lips. Her cheeks flushed in an instant.

“Leon.” She only uttered, not expecting him to be around here – well, her siblings told her that Leon was around but; “What are you doing here?”

“I was invited, or did you forget that?” Leon teased lightly, joining her next to the railings and she huffed out a chuckle.

“I meant, what are you doing here on the roof? Too stuffy inside?” She guessed out loud, now visibly pleased with the company.

His company.

Leon tilted his head only for a second, looking down at the city, “Something of the sort – I wanted to talk to you, which by the way,” He gazed at her with an impressed but curious smile, “Since when did you learn to play the piano?”

So Ah giggled a little, settling down to a soft smile for him, “My therapist recommended it for me when I hit an art block.”

Leon’s grin fell, his brows furrowing a bit more than usual, “Therapist?”

She sighed; Leon was bound to find out anyway. Ever since that horrible incident, she’s been having nightmares almost every night. The zombies ripping flesh apart with their rotten teeth and the gut-wrenching sounds of people being eaten alive – it was all traumatizing to experience.

“Before I went back to Seoul, I had to undergo several lab tests just to make sure the virus wasn’t going to go corrupt – or whatever Chris had said.” So Ah began, staring down at her fumbling hands on the railings.

“About a week after I left, I got an e-mail from Chris telling me the plaga in me was neutralized by the G-Virus antibody but due to the prolonged exposure, I gained some sort of... Regenerative abilities.”

Leon tried to meet her gaze but her hair acted as a curtain, she continued, “I can’t get hurt or sick and I hate it. I guess it felt like a punch in the gut to own something like that after all the damage it caused – the lives it took...”

She frowned deeply at her hands – at the virus, “Yet here it is... I don’t deserve it.”

Leon silently took in her words before So Ah blinked away her tears – which she didn’t know were there in the first place – when the warmth of his big hand enveloped her cold one and she looked up at him.

Leon held an empathetic look on his face, the kind that showed compassion and awareness.

“Listen, I can’t imagine what it feels like to hold onto the same virus that caused that outbreak but,” Leon’s grasp on her hand tightened gently when she scoffed to get her attention back on him as he gazed her down, “You’ve saved lives. Families. There are people out there who owe it to you.”

“They’re scared of me.” She muttered, returning her eyes back down to avoid his warm ones.

Leon exhaled when the girl wasn’t convinced and he pulled her hand towards him, the other moving up to push away her bangs from her face with a tender smile.

“I’m not.” Leon grinned cheekily when her irises blinked up at him, “Never was. Never will.”

“Unless you’re angry about something.” Leon continued, facing the view again but his hand stayed on hers, thumb lightly dancing across her knuckles.

So Ah forced out a breath in disbelief, “Angry? Since when was I ever angry with you?”

He shook his head, chuckling himself, “No, not with me. Remember when you stood between me and Sonny?”

“Yeah?” She winced visibly at the memory – ah, it sucked to relive it in her mind.

“It’s cute that you tried to protect me and all, but you do know you’re like a foot shorter than me, right?” Leon gave her a teasing smile when her cheeks reddened, laughing when she smacked his chest with her other hand.

“Hey, I saved your ass back then!” So Ah exclaimed, trying to defend her dignity, “Short or not, you gotta admit my plan was smart.”

“You’re telling me you thought of that plan?”

“Well, not completely, but it worked, didn’t it?” She pouted and Leon only chuckled, releasing her hand to pat her head.

“Yeah, yeah, smart and gorgeous – nothing new from the Hans.” He winked at her as she mumbled incoherent nothingness, pushing his hand away to fix her hair but Leon caught her hand mid-air in his, holding onto it lovingly.

“You’re a dick.” So Ah muttered, too shy to speak up as she looked back at the city and he laughed lightly, nodding as he followed suit.

“Only for you, sweetheart.”

The lovers stood in comfortable silence, gazing at the city from afar and she finally understood the nostalgic feeling.

Closing her eyes, she was back in his safe space on the mountain. Instead of a colourful sunset, it was a sparkly night, the sky filled with shimmering dots; all twinkling chaotically. The metropolis was alive tonight with the city lights being as bright as they possibly can and sometimes, she’d catch a series of zooming vehicles of different shapes and sizes.

Her heart fluttered as the human embodiment of a heater stood near, silently and involuntarily offering his warmth. She smiled softly but it fell when Leon looked down at her all of the sudden, sending her face into a blushing mess and she snapped her head back forward.

His snickers didn’t go unheard.

“You know... I was thinking,” Leon hummed, tilting his head at her with an equally tilted grin, “How about that steak house?”

So Ah blinked at him, half-surprised and half-flustered, “The buffet wasn’t enough?” Then a wave of concern washed over her, “Did you not eat?”

“No, no.” He laughed, shaking his head, “Your brother managed to snag a whole dish for us – I meant tomorrow; are you free?”

She giggled a bit before thinking it over, “Well, I have to head to the BSAA for the usual check-up but I’ve got nothing at night.”

“Then it's settled.” Leon grinned toothily, one that made her butterflies chitter in giddy, “I’ll pick you up around... Seven? Is that good?”

She hummed out a happy sound, smiling widely as she leaned her head on his shoulder for more warmth, arms touching as she sighed out, “Seven’s perfect.”

✠

“Oh, you look nice tonight, by the way.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, though I prefer that blue suit you wore at Matthew’s party.”

“Thanks for your valuable insight.”

Sarcasm.

“No problem!”

Not sarcasm.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy #leon s kennedy x reader #resident evil #resident evil infinite darkness #leon kennedy #dbd fanfic #resident evil fandom #resident evil fanfiction #leon kennedy imagines #resident evil memes #dbd memes #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy fanfic

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roger-that-cap · 3 years

Text

all the flowers will bloom

summary: you would have never tried to leave your mother if you knew that bringing that pomegranate tree back to life was your ticket to the underworld. or, maybe you would have, because it turned out that hades was quite the opposite of the evil goddess that you had been drilled to know.

warnings: nothing much!! some fluff, some bonding, near death experience, dog petting

word count: 3.2k

this is part three!

It was late at night, and the only way you knew was because it was utterly silent. The dead didn’t sleep, but the night was their quiet time. It was their time to reflect and be alone, and it was almost sacred to them. You knew that no one would be around to watch you in the garden, whether you failed or succeeded.

You woke up one morning starving. Your stomach was rumbling in a way it never had before, and you groaned at the feeling. Had you really not eaten anything the whole time?

You rolled out of your bed and opened the door to your room, walking blindly down the hall and trying to find something, anything. The urge to eat was strong, and it was calling you. You vaguely remembered Natasha telling you about a kitchen, and how the humans who used to cook in their past lives took residency there and cooked for everyone who wanted to eat, even though feeding wasn’t necessary to the dead.

You weren’t dead just yet.

Your feet were taking you somewhere, past souls who couldn’t care less about your presence and then past others who stared at you like you were from a famous myth. Either way, none of them spoke to you, and you didn’t speak to either of them. You were just hungry.

“Are you looking to eat something, darling?” A voice crooned, head peeking out of some double doors.

“Yes.” You cleared your throat. “I know it’s early, but, are these the kitchens?”

“They are,” the woman said, and you noticed how her form was slightly more wispy than all of the others you had seen. “We haven’t started yet, but we have some things left over from yesterday, if you’d like.”

“Yes, please.”

“Come in, child.” And so you did. Your steps took you further while something in the back of your mind was urging you to go the other way. Your stomach called for the exact opposite, and it won. Your steps got faster despite the bells going off in your head, and then you were standing over a table of pastries.

“Wow, these look beautiful,” you murmured, eyes catching on multiple different dishes. The bells got louder, but you ignored them as you finally reached for the one on the far right. You smiled at the woman, who was watching you with hawk eyes, poorly hidden anticipation on her face as she waited for you to eat. “Thank you for allowing me to have one, miss.”

“Wait, don’t let her eat that, she’s not dead!”

The pastry was slapped from your hand just as it was about to go into your open mouth. You gasped as you were turned by your shoulders to meet an unfamiliar face, yet another woman. She was more solid than the other one behind you, who you discovered had faded away at the sight of the new arrival.

The woman had brown hair and light green eyes, bordering on blue. She was breathing heavily, like she ran miles just to get to her spot. Her eyes were wild and worried all the same as she shook you twice. “Why the hell were you about to eat that?”

“What?”

“You’re alive, what are you doing?” You matched her worry, hands shaking and eyes wide as you stared at her in silence. “Do you not want to go home?”

A strong presence seeped into the room slowly at first, and then it was suffocating everything and everyone else. And just like that, the woman who saved you stepped back from and faced the doors, doing the same as everyone else and kneeling with her head bowed. You looked towards the door and saw Natasha walking in, her aura dark as she commanded the room without any effort.

“What’s going on here?”

There was a heartbeat of silence, and then the woman closest to you was speaking, head still hung low in respect. “A nymph tried to feed her, Your Majesty.”

You watched Natasha stiffen, and then her eyes turned to you. She stalked forward quickly, steps so intimidating that you almost retreated. “Open your mouth.”

Your fear melted into confusion. “What?”

Natasha’s eyes were ablaze as she gripped your chin, her initial hold harsh and even edging towards desperate, but in the quickest of seconds she loosened her hold on your slacked jaw. “Did she eat any?”

“I got to her before she could put it in her mouth, Your Grace.” Natasha’s eyes lingered on you, blank and observing everything about your face at the moment before taking a step back, but if anything, the intensity only doubled.

“You are never to eat a thing here, do you understand?” Her voice was hard, harder than you had ever heard it. When you failed to answer, she narrowed her eyes even further at you. “What you did could have killed you, Persephone. Don’t eat down here, ever.”

You opened your mouth and almost shut it because of the smoldering look she was giving you. Yiu grappled for words for a second, slightly embarrassed that all you could get out was a pitiful, whiney statement. “B-but, I was hungry.”

Her expression of seriousness cracked just a little. “I forgot that you would be. I apologize.” There was a gasp from over in the kitchens, and you retreated into yourself after knowing that everyone else was listening. They were gasping because she apologized. “But if you ever get hungry, come to me, and I’ll fix it. Never eat anything here.”

You were still shaken by how angry she seemed, and by the way the skin on your hand still slightly stung with the force of the woman’s slap. But you were still curious. “Why?”

“If you eat something here, you’re consenting to be a full time resident.” You sucked in a breath. “If you were dead, it wouldn’t matter. But you need to go see that horrible mother of yours, and eating won’t let you do that.”

Your heart was racing. You could have been trapped there, in the Underworld. For longer than you were even supposed to be. You looked down at the woman and how quick she was to recognize what was wrong with you eating, and then you realized that it was a known fact. That meant only one thing.

“That lady was trying to set me up!” You gasped informally, and Natasha gritted her teeth.

“And she will be dealt with.” She turned to look at the woman who saved you. “Thank you, Maria. You will be rewarded for your behavior.”

“It was my pleasure, Your Grace.” She stood up and bowed again before walking away.

Everyone else cleared out while you and Natasha looked at each other, eyes seemingly gravitating towards each other’s. “When you’re hungry, come to me.” She repeated, and you frowned.

“How can you fix it if I can’t eat?”

“The same way I fix the feeling of death every morning,” Natasha sighed. “It’s mostly all in your head. The hunger, the darkness, they’re side effects of being here. I just take it out for you.”

You took a slight second to marvel at the idea of her being able to do something like that. “So you can make me feel full?”

There was something that flashed behind her eyes, passing too quickly for you to identify. Her gorgeous mouth attracted your attention as her lips pulled up slightly, just enough for you to notice. “If I tried hard enough, I could make you feel nearly anything.”

Why did her words feel like she meant something entirely different than what it was supposed to?

§§

The earth was dry. Not a thing was growing, and everything that managed to slip by and grow died within days. Demeter was on a rampage, angry beyond belief. Nothing good ever happened when a god was angry.

“The humans are suffering,” Steve pointed out to her, aware that he needed to say his piece gently, or risk Demeter losing her temper again at the expense of mankind.

“I don’t care,” the goddess hissed, even though it wasn’t necessarily true. “I will let them all starve if my daughter isn’t found and brought back to me.”

“What do you want me to do, Demeter?” He asked, shifting on his throne and giving her a mildly annoyed look. “I don’t have her, and I don’t know anyone who is stupid enough to take her.”

“I want you to call Hecate.” She ground out, and Steve gave her a disappointed look. “She looks up to you. You’re the only one who can bring her out of hiding, and she’s the only one with the magic that can track down my Persephone.”

He looked down on her from his throne, and she picked her chin up as he gave her an even more disapproving look. “It’s not right to pull Wanda back into this, and you know it.”

“It’s been ages since the fight against the Titans. They’re all dead or locked away, now. She’s fine.” If it was anyone else at stake, anyone other than her Persephone, maybe Demeter would have agreed with Steve. Wanda was traumatized after the wars with the Titans, and everyone knew that after what she had done, she deserved to live however she wanted in peace. But she could rest after Persephone was found. “Call her.”

“I can’t just-”

“You are the king of us all, there’s not a goddamn thing that you can’t do! You’re going to call Hecate here right now, or I will let every single human down there rot and wither away, do you understand me? Not a soul will be alive to offer you anything, and then they’ll all take a trip to see that bitch of the Underworld.”

Steve watched her with an unamused glare, equally annoyed with her as he was wary. “Demeter, calm down.”

She looked like she was getting fired up all over again, but she scoffed and shook her head, taking a second to find the right words through her fury. “Fine. For now, I’ll be calm. But you have to swear to me that whoever has taken Persephone, I get to destroy them. Without question.”

Steve’s words came quick, but he meant them. “I promise.”

“Good.” She straightened out the crown of flowers that had tilted on her head, and then crossed her arms. “Call Hecate.”

****

The days passed by the same. Every morning, you would wake up and feel like you were inches from death, and then Hades— Natasha—would come in and put her strangely warm hands on your throat and chest, and then you could breathe again. You would be escorted by her to the second level, where you would exert yourself so much that your knees trembled only to get no results. She would put her hand right on your stomach and make the hunger in your stomach reduce to nothing, and sometimes she would even eradicate the pain in your knees from kneeling through the day. And then, hours later, you would trudge back to your room and cry. It was the same old song every day.

You missed your mother. You missed the way that the outside world could bring you freedom, even though you were trapped by your mother’s hold. You missed the nymphs, and even their worrying. You missed dipping your toes into the ponds and swimming and singing without a care in the world. Now, you were fighting for the nearly impossible to happen, working your hardest to see your own world again.

“You’re going to die before you fix it if you keep going like this.”

You had mixed feelings about Natasha. The rational part of your brain knew that she didn’t want you there either, and that she would rather not have you in her space and presence. You had touched something that didn’t belong to you, and now you were paying for it. But the part of your mind that made you want to scream and cry was angry and almost constantly blaming her.

The rational part of your mind won. “I don’t know how else to do it.”

“What do you do when you’re above ground?” She asked, taking a few steps closer to the place where you were kneeling down, knees in the dirt and dress pulled up so that it wouldn’t have two big brown spots on it. “Because I know this isn’t it.”

She was right. You were pushing yourself, and your mind wasn’t in the same spot as it would have been if you were in your natural habitat. Usually, you could just look at a spot in the ground and it would grow. In particularly harsh lands, you would touch the soul, but it never got harder than that. This felt nearly impossible.

“How would you know?”

“I know all about you creator gods and your gifts,” she said, her tone almost bored. “It comes easy to you. Creating life is your safe space, isn’t it?” You didn’t need to answer. “There’s no way that something that you were born for makes you react like you’re reacting now.”

“Well, you want me to grow an entire garden in a world where nothing lives,” you said, running a hand over your face as you tried your hardest not to cry. “And whether or not I see everyone again is based on that. So forgive me if I’m not being efficient.” She was silent after that, so you turned and out your hands in the dirt again, breathing in and out.

“Have you heard of that one idea by that one human?” You had almost forgotten that she was still there, speaking too vaguely for you to even try to understand. “You can’t produce anything good if you don’t feel good. I think the same may apply for the gods.”

Your fingers dig deeper into the dirt as you cast a look at her over your shoulder, a small and sarcastic smile on your face. “There are many ways this conversation could go, would you mind elaborating?”

There were a few heart beats worth of silence. “Would you like to see Cerberus now, Persephone?”

“It’s Y/N,” you corrected immediately even though your heart jumped, and you had to work to keep your frown going. “What makes you think that seeing your dog would make me happy?”

“I never said happy,” the older goddess corrected, and then she sighed. “But it could be a start.”

“You can’t be serious,” you said, taking your hand from the dirt and turning around to stand, giving Natasha an incredulous look, even though you meant it to be more curious. “Why do you care?”

“I told you, I don’t want you here for any longer than necessary. I don’t need the Mother of Corn Stalks attempting to wage war on me.” She turned around and took a step forward, and you knew that she was walking to the elevator and expected you to follow.

You did.

You watched the doors open and watched her form as she let herself in first, and then looked at you expectantly. “And, besides, I hate to watch flowers wilt. That’s the whole reason you’re even here, you know.”

She hated to watch flowers die? That seemed uncharacteristic of the woman that your mother had warned you about, but you were quickly learning that most of the things your mother had told you about her just weren’t true. No person who liked death and destruction didn’t like to watch death and destruction. Your mother was wrong about her, and you thought about that the entire way to the elevator.

You waited in the elevator, not sparing a look at the Queen of the Dead for fear that she would already be looking at you. You didn’t want to admit it, but she intimidated you.

You were on the opposite sides of your own large spectrum. She was in charge of everything dead, the very part of life that you worked tirelessly against. If it wasn’t the air of death and decay that surrounded her, it was the look in her eyes. Half haunted, half… alive. Hades hid so much with her eyes that it was impossible for you to ignore and dig into, just like you used to dig in dirt. And you discovered that the woman truly felt as much as anyone above, maybe even as much as the humans. And that terrified you. It terrified you that the woman that your mother demonized actually had emotions in her heart, had a weakness and a strength.

Hades became so much more than a story far too quickly for you to grasp.

“Cerberus,” she started, and her commanding voice nearly made you jump out of your own godly skin. She continued with barely any pause. “He’s a good dog. He’s just… he will be very overwhelming to see at first.”

You assumed so. He was the creature that guarded the entrance of the Underworld, which meant that he must have been more horrifying than anything that walked the greens of the earths. You knew he was as dark as midnight and that he had three heads simply from the stories that everyone was told when they were young enough to listen.

Natasha strutted out of the elevator, red hair swaying in the wind with her sure steps. You were steps behind, still wincing at the feeling of unfamiliar stone on your bare feet instead of tickling grass. She took you to an iron door, one that looked heavy and sounded even more heavy when she pulled it open after having a handful of keys appear in her hands. She unlocked the door with two of them, and then other locks that you hadn’t even seen turned.

“Why did I agree to this, again?” You breathed out as she led you in without a word, and then you were nearly screaming.

The creature was huge. He was so tall that he straight up took your breath out of your chest, and your hands shook. He had three heads, indeed, all three with dark red eyes that stirred like storms. Though there were three heads and they were all three scary, you couldn’t take your eyes off of the middle head. He had bared his teeth automatically at the sight of visitors, and he showed off his killer incisors to make it painfully obvious that he was the most vicious of the three. You tried not to take a step back or startle either of them in the silent room.

“Stand down,” Natasha commanded, and just like that, all three of the heads were subdued, and the conjoined body laid down on the floor, the middle head resting on the front paws. “You’re going to let my visitor see you.”

You nodded warily,your wide eyes fixated on the huge thing and your hands shook. “Oh, I’ve seen him, I’ll be alright from here.”

And you were. For a few weighted moments, you just stared at the thing but looked so out of the ordinary egg that for a moment, you doubted that something like him could be a thing. You watched the thing for minutes, analyzing movements and mannerisms.

“Is he alive?”

The question came from nowhere, and surprisingly, from behind you. You jumped and turned your head to see Natasha leaning on the wall of the very generous cage. Her slender arms were crossed as her eyes were questioning as she waited for your answer, like she had all the time in the world and no intention of repeating herself.

“Cerberus?” You squeaked out, and then cleared your throat quietly. No. That was your immediate response, or what you wanted it to be. But before you could say anything, you second guessed yourself. “I… I don’t know.”

Natasha’s arm extended as she gestured towards her well known guardian animal. “Feel.”

He felt… different. He felt gray, right in between the white light of life and the plain darkness of death. At first glance, he seemed to be floating right in between, placidly and without a care. But, when you dug harder, you realized that he was actually much more in the white than he was in the dark.

He was more alive than dead.

“He’s… alive.”

“And if he’s alive after hundreds and thousands of years, then anything you can plant can stay that way.” She leaned off of the wall, and you swallowed when she turned her gaze towards you, and like she and her pet were on the same page, all four pairs of eyes in the room were set on you, waiting patiently for your gift to bless their home. “Don’t you agree?”

****

i hope you guys liked this one!! we’re getting into stuff now, so that’s exciting. it came early because i’m kind of in a mood, and i wanted to get a little bit of feedback today! this is gonna be so much fun to write going from here even though i’m already having a blast, and i think you guys might have fun reading it! if you guys liked it, please remember to like and reblog 💕💕💕

taglist:

@teenwonder @saamwilscn @messuhp @username23345 @dontmindmejustreading @bitchuwish @blackxwidowsxwife @anxiousgoldengirl @russianredassassin @dailyavengering @blackluthxr @coxmicbabygirl @alytavzla @deathofmissjackson @1-800-gaygentsofshield @msmarvelsmain

sorry if i forgot to add anyone!!

#natasha romanoff x female reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanov x reader #natasha romanoff fluff #hades!natasha x persephone!reader #hades!natasha #greek mythology au #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #my fics #natasha romanoff x reader #lgbt marvel #marvel au

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headspace-hotel · 3 years

Note

Last place I lived, there were a ton of proverbs/sayings to the tune of "trip to the doctor will damage you more than the disease": it seemed a given, the abuse & lack of power. The chronic pain community on tumblr's also really good about not taking shit from drs after being mistreated too many times. I think older ppl are treated with less abuse in medical setting, partly b/c Doctors Be Like That & partially b/c older people Take No Shit & are very assertive about what can/can't be done to 'em

I’ve talked a lot (sort of?) on here about the pervasive problems with how doctors treat people, and how harmful that is to autistic people specifically. Mostly because I, specifically, have a horribly debilitating fear of going to the doctor that I feel like I can’t/shouldn’t refer to as “trauma” but that “phobia” doesn’t really describe at all. Like…I’m incredibly good at ignoring/managing anxiety, but medical things are a whole other tier. I straight up can’t go in a doctor’s office without shaking like a chihuahua. I went just to get tested for covid last year and crashed so hard from the adrenaline that I was too exhausted to do anything but lie in bed for like two days.

I especially hate needles, and for a couple years a while back the smell of rubbing alcohol would trigger shooting pain in my arms. It was fucking weird.

The thing thats fucked up is that the fear wasn’t really linked to being actually exposed to the thing, like with a phobia. I have a lot of nightmares about medical stuff when I’m anxious, kind of always have? I developed a lot of super debilitating fears of different when I was a preteen having panic attacks for the first time (fun) and most of them linked in some way to medical things. For a solid year or two of my life I was 100% convinced I had any of a number of serious illnesses, and it only hit me this past year how most of them were things that were 100% treatable. It was never like…cancer or something that could realistically threaten my life. The fear always centered on like…being hospitalized. Because that was The Worst Thing Imaginable, like my ability to imagine bad things just stopped there (and I was a kid who was like. Very, very, very much aware of my own mortality). My brain never got to the concept that “okay but if that happened they would be able to help you and you would be okay” because I couldn’t conceptualize anything coming “after” Medical Treatment.

I feel like it’s linked to a few bad experiences I had as a very young kid, but it wouldn’t have gotten this bad if my experiences with doctors weren’t so generally pervasively bad. I’m autistic. I don’t like unpredictability. I don’t like to be touched by strangers. It gets harder for me to communicate when I’m stressed. For most of my life my experience with doctors was “person in position of authority that feels entitled to access to your body and will do things to your body without explaining them,” and now I’m on levels of neurosis you mortals can’t even imagine.

But there’s the initial damage, right? And then there’s the damage that comes of everyone around you insisting your fears are irrational and there’s something wrong with you. I always hated the label of “phobia” because I was supposed to accept that it was irrational to be afraid of being forced to give unlimited access to my body to a stranger that wouldn’t communicate with me or treat me decently.

Everything I read about how to free myself from the horrible nightmare-scape I was in assumed there was something wrong with me. It took so, so long for me to encounter anything that even considered the idea that maybe there was something wrong with how I was treated, instead of something being wrong with my feelings.

And this is the thing that’s really…traumatic about being autistic. Your boundaries are wrong; people aren’t wrong for violating them. Your behavior is wrong; people aren’t wrong for bullying you. If something traumatizes you that most people can “get over,” it’s not traumatic, it’s something wrong with you.

Long story short, this is how I learned how our understanding of psychological harm is prescriptive, not descriptive.

People who otherwise understand bodily autonomy get really weird about this subject. Because in our culture, doctors are Authority Figures, and they’re trying to help you, so you shouldn’t be assertive in setting the terms for your care, you shouldn’t refuse examinations you’re uncomfortable with, you shouldn’t kick medical professionals to the curb when they can’t or won’t communicate with you in the way you need. You can’t even express frustration without people siding with the doctor, because they have a degree, and that means people can’t be abusive bastards, or something.

It’s not consent if there isn’t a real, informed choice, even if you technically did agree. We understand this about sex. It’s not “Yes” if “No” is not an option. And yet, medical professionals regularly will try to coerce and pressure you into letting them do things to your body, and often completely obscure the fact that a choice is available. “You have to do X,” they will tell me, conveniently leaving out the fact that no the fuck I do not.

“We recommend that you do X, here are the benefits and risks” is acceptable. “Our policy is not to do Y unless you’ve had X” is acceptable. But “you have to do X” is not, because it’s not true, because I can get up and leave at any second, watch me, I’ll do it right now. If you have a problem with that, well, your move. I spent 1.5 years in Krav Maga, I’m faster than you, and I bite.

If you bring this up to people they will be horrified, because there might be risks to refusing something recommended! People that otherwise perfectly understand consent often cannot understand this, and regress into the mindset of a Republican politician when you have this conversation with them. Suddenly, bodily autonomy does not matter, and actually other people should make the choices about your body because you might make the risky choice, and obviously you shouldn’t have the right to do that, even though it’s your body.

Let’s think about this. Let’s be thoughtful. Who will be healthiest in the long run, the person who learns that their feelings and choices matter in a doctor’s office and is able to build up a good relationship with medical professionals, or the person who experiences coercion and disrespect and ends up so psychologically fucked up that they avoid medical professionals even when they’re sick, in pain, and suffering?

My body is for me, you have access to it because you are PROVIDING A SERVICE TO ME. The moment you disregard my choices, you are no longer doing your job.

As far as I am concerned, it’s the same mistake people make with dogs. “No” is viewed as disrespect, just as a growl is viewed as disrespect. But “No” is polite. It’s “Here are my boundaries. You’re free to back off.” Instead of just, you know, biting.

#medical #hospital tw #doctors tw #consent

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riddlecrux · 3 years

Text

Miserable together, happy apart: a dive into Elain and Lucien's relationship

This meta is based solely on textual pieces of evidence that can be found through the whole ACTOAR series written by SJM. My observations come from the text and what was given to us, the audience, by the author of the book. Due to the fact that this topic is connected with a raging shipping war, I would like to make an important note at the beginning of this (probably) long comparison post. This meta will be touching subjects such as trauma, forced and unhealthy relationships, being uncomfortable around the other person, and enforced feeling of duty. On that note, it's anti Elain and Lucien relationship.

The starting point of the whole relationship and mating bond begins in ACOMAF, when Lucien contributes to Archeron sisters being kidnapped - leading to them being Made. I'm very concerned with the way how this fandom seems to collectively forget about the trauma that Elain went through when she was pushed inside the Cauldron. After ACOSF we are left with the idea that being Made wasn't pleasant - on the contrary, it was horrible and scary, it left Nesta with psychological scars and mental barriers. So why are people forgetting that, in fact, it was Elain who undergone the same terrifying experience first? SJM had described this whole situation very vividly and painfully detailed. It was there to show us that both Elain and Nesta went through something disturbing and traumatizing. That's why I would like to start with a notion of TRAUMA:

"Elain’s foot hit the water, and she screamed—screamed in terror that hit me so deep I began sobbing."

Feyre is there to witness her sisters being shoved into Cauldron and one can only imagine how terrifying it was to observe such a thing. However, there is no amount of words to describe how utterly frightening it was for Elain to be pushed into the unknown. She was the first one, an experiment for everyone to see.

"More water than seemed possible dumped out in a cascade. Black, smoke-coated water. And Elain, as if she’d been thrown by a wave, washed onto the stones facedown. Her legs were so pale—so delicate. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen them bare."

Elain was a proper lady. She was the one who went along with the prevailing etiquette and rules. Feyre notices Elain's bare skin and how she doesn't even remember when was the last time she saw so much of it in the broad daylight. Elain was modest, she followed the social obligations and we as readers are presented with the fact that all her principles are being violated in front of these strangers and people she knew from before.

"Elain was still shivering on the wet stones, her nightgown shoved up to her thighs, her small breasts fully visible beneath the soaked fabric. Guards snickered."

She was let out in the open after such a traumatizing event. Just after being Made, the first thing she experiences is another form of trauma. She is involuntary stripped bare in front of males, her proper upbringing and modesty ruined as they openly laugh at her nakedness. It's another traumatic event, not even a moment after her whole human life was taken away from her.

"As Lucien took off his jacket, kneeling before Elain. She cringed away from the coat, from him—"

It's not surprising that she acted that way. He is yet another male who appears out of nowhere, comes at her when she is in a very vulnerable position. Not to mention, that he is connected to the fact that she and Nesta were kidnapped and used as hostages. He plays a role in her trauma, a trauma that is still happening around her. Elain is subjected to watch her older sister going through the same thing she went through.

"Lucien’s hands slackened at his sides. His voice broke as he whispered to Elain, “You’re my mate.”"

I would say that it wasn't a good thing to say at that moment. It's yet another brick in the wall of traumas that Elain just went through. She lost her human life, she was Made, she lost her human fiance, was kidnapped and used as an experiment, ridiculed due to her nakedness and vulnerability, watched her sister being shoved into the Cauldron. Now she is presented with the fact that she was stripped off of her free will, and she still doesn't have freedom of choice. The lack of choice is evident, she just doesn't let it fall upon her as the trauma she had just endured was too great to even imagine how that declaration could shake her already broken heart.

“From my sister’s stories. Her friend.” “Yes.” But Elain blinked slowly. “You were in Hybern.” “Yes.” It was all he could say. “You betrayed us.”

Elain is aware of the fact that he was a part of her trauma. He was there when she got kidnapped and watched her being Made. She acknowledges the fact that he is partially responsible for what has happened to her and her sister. Not only Elain but Lucien as well. Lucien is also very much aware of the fact that he had contributed to her pain and hardship. Those feelings are also very prominent in the way he approaches her and behaves around her. The knowledge that she is that way because of his mistake.

FORCED RELATIONSHIP:

Both Elain and Lucien find themselves forced to "be" together. It wasn't a natural thing that happened between them, not a healthy type of bond snapping in its place. They were put together because of the Cauldron's decision.

She was nothing like Jesminda. Jesminda had been all laughter and mischief, too wild and free to be contained by the country life that she’d been born into. She had teased him, taunted him—seduced him so thoroughly that he hadn’t wanted anything but her. She’d seen him not as a High Lord’s seventh son, but as a male. Had loved him without question, without hesitation. She had chosen him. Elain had been … thrown at him.

Even Lucien, who had loved and lost his previous lover acknowledges the fact that it is something that both of them didn't want. Their bond essentially stripped both of them of their free will. They hadn't chosen each other, they were just put together in a fickle decision of The Cauldron. His previous love story signalizes that Lucien also wants to be chosen, wants to be loved by someone who decided that he is the man that the other person wants to love and spend their life with him.

“I am Lucien. Seventh son of the High Lord of the Autumn Court.” And a whole lot of nothing.

Lucien has also his own issues - family feud, the fact that his friend betrayed him and in the end, it was him who did the same. He has troubles on his mind that are concerning. He's self-conscious in front of Elain because as Lucien is a reminder of her trauma - she is a reminder of his biggest mistake and another painful ending on his part. She's a living proof of his betrayal, how he went against his common sense and stabbed his friend, Feyre, in the back by bringing her sister into the scene.

The words were a rasp as he instead said, “I know. I’m sorry.” She did not love him, want him, need him. Another male’s bride. A mortal man’s wife. Or she would have been.

He is aware of the fact that Elain doesn't feel anything for him, that she was promised to another and she had planned her life with that person. Just like him in the past - it was his choice to love, want, and need Jesminda. As he's trying to keep his composure the feelings of the bond swirl around, yet Lucien still understands that both of them ended up with something they didn't want.

“When I sleep,” she murmured, “I can hear your heart beating through the stone.” She angled her head, as if the city view held some answer. “Can you hear mine?” He wasn’t sure if she truly meant to address him, but he said, “No, lady. I cannot.”

Even though they were "blessed" with this bond, the thread of it is weak and very unlike the other ones in SJM universe. As if it wasn't working properly - they both do not complete each other. Few pages before Elain says that she can hear Feyre's and Nesta's heartbeat and yet her mate can't hear hers? How is that possible? Also Lucien doesn't understand Elain - he sees her as someone who is devastated by her ruined human life, which is true, but right we as readers know by now that Elain was suffering because nobody seemed to realize what was wrong with her. Their first meeting doesn't spark hope for their future. It only showcases how wrong they both are for each other, two wounds plastered against each other.

BEING UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND EACH OTHER: Sadly both Elain and Lucien are pushed together by Feyre and her little meddling - which isn't something that they both want to undergo.

It was the most uncomfortable thirty minutes I could recall. (...) Pretending, while Lucien and Elain sat in stilted silence by the dim fireplace, an untouched tea service between them.

Even Feyre admits that a previously arranged get-together was a mistake. Because Lucien and Elain are wary of their presence around each other, they constantly remind each other's traumas and painful memories. Elain can barely stand his presence and Lucien is aware of that fact - the only thing that keeps him trying to break that barrier is their bond.

She rose to her feet, and Lucien shot to his. “I’m sorry,” he blurted. “What—what was that?” Mor put a hand on my knee to keep me from rising, too. “It—it was a tug. On the bond.”

Even their mating bond isn't a thing of comfort. They can't navigate through it, both of them uncomfortable because of their proximity. Lucien feels as if he has to repay his debt towards Elain, however, neither of them wants to close the distance. Their wounds are still fresh, both of them not entirely healed. They are constantly rubbing their hurt on each other, meeting after meeting.

“Nothing,” he said, and again faced his mate. “I’m sorry—if that unsettled you.” Elain sidled toward Nesta, who seemed to be at a near-simmer. “It felt … strange,” Elain breathed. “Like you pulled on a thread tied to a rib.” Lucien exposed his palms to her. “I’m sorry“.

He feels guilty all the time he's around her. He can't navigate through the mating bond as it doesn't work properly. It's uncomfortable, hurtful, and tense. Just like the relationship between them, it is not a good thing. They are basically strangers thrown at each other after seeing the other person at their lowest. It's not a coincidence that the bond between them is a mirror to their rough, strained relation.

Lucien murmured to me, eye still fixed on Elain, “Should we—does she need …?”

Lucien just stared and stared at my sister, as if he’d never seen her before.

Even with the bond, Lucien can't understand what Elain needs. They are basically strangers, yet the bond doesn't do anything to him in regards to helping her. They are constantly uncomfortable around each other, they try to avoid each other throughout the series because of the fact that they both don't want to be in this forced relationship. Lucien feels obliged to keep persuading her due to the bond, whereas Elain wants nothing to do with the said bond. They are in a maze of constant avoidance and unbearable proximity, which is very soundly described in the text and I would like to present some very important passages:

He hadn’t mentioned Elain, or his proximity to her. Elain had not asked him to stay or to go. And whether she cared about the bruises on his face, she certainly hadn’t let on.

Elain, at least, would be too polite to send Lucien away when he wanted to help. She was too polite to send him away on a normal day. She just ignored him or barely spoke to him until he got the hint and left. As far as I knew, he hadn’t come within touching distance since the aftermath of that final battle.

No, as Elain took a step back, hand falling away from the doorknob, she revealed Lucien smiling tightly at us both. “Happy Solstice,” was all he said.

A sidelong glance toward Elain, swift and fleeting. “Both of you.” Elain said nothing, but at least she bowed her head in thanks.

“You’re welcome to stay for the night,” I said, since Elain certainly wasn’t going to. Lucien lowered his hands into his lap and leaned back in the armchair. “Thank you, but I have other plans.” I prayed he didn’t catch the slightly relieved glimmer on Elain’s face.

My sister rose to her feet. “I should get refreshments.” Lucien rose as well. “No need to trouble yourself. I’m—” But she was already out of the room.

I would love to bring attention to the fact that Lucien understands and realizes that their relationships will never work. He acknowledges it in the text, with his own words!

"Give her time to accept it.” “To accept a life shackled to me?”

“Spend time with her.” “I don’t think she’ll tolerate two minutes alone with me, so forget about two weeks.” His jaw worked as he studied the fire.

He shook off my grip and headed for the door. “I can’t stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes."

ELAIN'S AGENCY: Throughout ACOWAR, ACOFAS and ACOSF Elain tries to get away from the bond and in conclusion also from Lucien himself. She doesn't acknowledge their bond and time after time she runs away from the fact that they are bound to each other. The thing is, Elain, probably doesn't know how to break their bond - we as readers are reminded in Azriel's POV how important their mating bond is for the Night Court, which makes her a sort of political pawn. It is yet another thing that is taken away from her, which to be honest is a kind of a hypocritical thing coming from Rhys and Feyre. We know that Elain is timid, however after slowly recovering from her trauma she started to voice out her discomfort connected to Lucien and their forced relationship.

I knew I wasn’t truly angry with her, not angry with anyone but myself, but I said, “You couldn’t say a single word to him? A pleasant greeting?” Elain only stared at the steaming kettle as she set it on the stone counter. “He brought you a present.” Those doe-brown eyes turned toward me. Sharper than I’d ever seen them. “And that entitles him to my time, my affections?”

Lucien still makes her uncomfortable, he is a constant reminder of her trauma and lost life. Another thing is that Lucien doesn't even know her, doesn't see her which is something that is very important to her. Everything he does is based on the fact that he is connected to her via mating bond, not by his own free choice. Which, again, is presented to us in her own words in the text:

“No.” I blinked. “But he is a good male.” Despite our harsh words. Despite this Band of Exiles bullshit. “He cares for you.” “He doesn’t know me.” “You don’t give him the chance to even try to do so.” Her mouth tightened, the only sign of anger in her graceful countenance. “I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a male.”

It doesn't help that the one who pushes her forward into this spiral of unbearable proximity with someone she hadn't chosen and don't want to be around, is her own sister. Yet, she stands her ground and sets boundaries. She is her own person and she wants to get to chose. ELAIN AROUND LUCIEN:

I handed Elain the small box with her name on it. Her smile faded as she opened it. “Enchanted gloves,” she read from the card. “That won’t tear or become too sweaty while gardening.” She set aside the box without looking at it for longer than a moment.

I found my sister in the kitchen, watching the kettle scream. “He’s not staying for tea,” I said.

I said to Lucien when we’d settled in the armchairs before the fire, Elain perched silently on the couch nearby.

I found my sister in the kitchen, watching the kettle scream. “He’s not staying for tea,” I said.

I said to Lucien when we’d settled in the armchairs before the fire, Elain perched silently on the couch nearby.

Elain had picked up the teacup, and now sipped from it without so much as looking toward him.

Elain only stared at him for a long moment. And any lucidity faded away as she shook her head, blinking twice (...).

He glanced at Elain, who was again studying her lap.

Elain now watched Lucien warily. Blinking every now and then.

He only glanced at Elain, whose face was again a calm void while she traced a finger over the embroidery on the couch cushions.

Their gazes locked and held. But Elain said nothing. Did not so much as take one step downward.

Elain, the wretch, had taken the seat between Feyre and Varian, about as far from Lucien as she could get.

Elain only shrank further into herself, no trace of that newfound boldness to be seen.

As you can see Elain feels: - uncomfortable - on edge - withdrawn - wary - closed off - silenced (she always loses the will to speak around Lucien, going deeper inside of her) - melancholic (she watches as kettle boil without flinching as if she wandered in the maze of her mind). Elain loses her comfort and courage around Lucien, which is problematic and utterly sad to witness. He is a constant reminder for her of violation against her own free will, but also a living proof of her own trauma. LUCIEN AROUND ELAIN:

Lucien surveyed it all with cool indifference. What he felt about Elain, what he planned to do … I didn’t want to ask.

“I would never hurt her.” A bleak sort of honesty in his words.

He tried to sound casual—comfortable. Even as his heart raced and raced, so swift he thought he might vomit on the very expensive, very old carpet.

He didn’t expect her to answer, and he gave himself all of one more minute before he’d rise from this chair and leave.

Betrayal, queasy and oily, slid through his veins. He’d said the same to Jesminda once.

He wished she’d shoved him out the window behind her.

He wasn’t sure how to respond, so he said nothing, and drained his tea, even as it burned his mouth.

“I think she went through something terrible,” Lucien countered carefully. “And it wouldn’t hurt to have your best healer do a thorough examination.”

Lucien looked to her, then over to me. A muscle feathered in his jaw. “Nothing,” he said, and again faced his mate. “I’m sorry—if that unsettled you.”

Lucien exposed his palms to her. “I’m sorry.”

Lucien murmured to me, eye still fixed on Elain, “Should we—does she need …?”

Lucien silently slid into one of the chairs, before the window, that metal eye whirring as it roved over my sister.

Lucien just stared and stared at my sister, as if he’d never seen her before.

Lucien inclined his head in a bow, the movement hiding the gleam in his eye —the longing and sadness.

“I am not always in this city to see my mate.” The last two words dripped with discomfort.

Lucien feels: - uncomfortable - guilty - uneasy - confused (especially in the moments where Elain is having visions and he doesn't understand what's happening with her) - apologetic (he is constantly saying sorry to her) - tense

The guilt eats him every time he is around Elain, he is constantly apologizing while battling his inner problems such as remembering his true love. He was stripped off of his choice and even if the mating bond is there, he isn't happy. He is in constant pain just like Elain because both of them are each other wounds, each other reminder of trauma. They can't heal together because they are only happy when they are apart - Elain blooms in the Night Court, as we have read in ACOSF she is coming up with terms of Fae life and her own powers, adjusting her life to the notion of immortality. She is content and courageous and yet everything vanishes when Lucien is around. The same thing goes for Lucien. Lucien was struggling with her around him - he didn't know her, he didn't know what was happening to her as well. They were both strangers thrown at each other without their own say in this whole situation. Not to mention that their meetings were always arranged and supervised by others. When he sets on the journey to find Vassa he finds freedom and belonging - which was something he was battling in ACOWAR, after betraying his friends and his court, after being at odds in Night Court, and after being uncomfortable around his mate. He didn't have that sense of belonging in any of those things.

Elain and Lucien aren't compatible nor perfect for each other. They are constant reminders of traumas they experienced. They will never work out because they make each other miserable while being together, and they feel free and content apart. Their happiness lies with free choice, free will both of them were looking for in their lives. They are bound together against their own, and the only key for them being happy in this farce is setting themselves free. A choice of freedom. I strongly believe that after their rejection of the bond both of them could, perhaps, form a friendship. It would have been some sort of catharsis - to dwell upon the fact that they overcame that obstacle. That they chose to be happy apart, and not be shackled by this miserable bond.

#anti elucien #pro elain #pro elain archeron #elain archeron #acotar #i mean technically this is pro elriel #elriel #anti forced bond #elain and lucien as friends #not mates #also pls be civil in the comments

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alsikamiwrites · 3 years

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I was wondering how Muriel would react to a traumatized war veteran who had his brother exicuted by his commanding officer

(He/they)

Muriel reacting to a traumatized war veteran M/c whos brother was executed

Story style: Head-canons Requested by: anon Note: I wasn't sure if you wanted your ask to be a head-canon or a scenario, but I thought it'd be easier to write as a head-canon, so I went with that. I was also unsure of how you wanted the relationship to be, so I went platonic. I hope this is okay, though of course, if you would like something different, let me know! Thank you for sending me an ask💛 Slight Spoiler warning! Tw: Mentions of trauma, murder, panic attacks, and Ptsd

Muriel isn't a stranger to trauma himself.

He knows of the way it haunts you. Keeps you up at night. He knows of the phantom sensations that trick your mind into reliving things that were long in the past. The flashbacks that replay in your minds eye, like a silent movie you can't turn away from. He knows how much it hurts, and how much it will always hurt, everyday. That it never really truly goes away.

That's why he knew the man was going through more than he let on, the more he got to know him.

He was quiet, kept to himself a lot of the time, much like himself.

He wasn't all that interested at first, given the fact that he was trying to avoid others as much as he could.

But after getting to know the man who had come to be one of his dearest friends, he finds himself caring.

Concerned about the far away look his friend had in his eyes, the one that sometimes left him sitting in the same spot for hours on end.

The flinching at sounds that were a bit louder than anticipated, away from unexpected touches, (accidental, of course. He wasn't a touchy person much in the first place.) things that moved too quickly in his already wary sight.

The unprompted attacks of panic that had him screaming his lungs out, chest rising and falling sporadically as if the room were swallowing him whole, punching and writhing out of Muriels' confused and frantic hold as he tried his best to calm him down.

Muriel hated confrontation.

Hated having to ask something of someone when he knew he would hate the same thing asked of himself. Knew he'd never open up.

But he recognized what he was going through.

Could see it so clearly it hurt.

He could see himself.

So he couldn't just...Stand by and watch his friend fall apart right in front of his eyes.

He's not the best at comforting others, not having much experience, but he would try. So one day, after a lot of contemplating, he'd sit him down, deciding to ask him about what was going on

Honestly, he really didn't expect him to talk about it, but he'd definitely listen if he needed someone to lend an ear.

If he'd rather not talk, Muriel would be more than okay with that.

Would suggest going somewhere to get his mind off of it for a little while instead, even though he knows how hard that can be.

Maybe they'd go for a walk in the forest, or he'd go with them into the city, (even though the large man didn't care for it much there, with it being so lively.)

Pretty much anything to distract him from the inevitable and overwhelming grief he knew his friend was going through.

Inanna would even allow him to pet her, sensing his distress, knowing she could trust him given Muriels' friendship.

But if he does end up telling Muriel what happened, he'd let him talk about it without any interruption, his face almost holding no reaction.

Though as soon as trembling hushed words of the horrifying reliving goes into the air, his skin is as white as a sheet, hands shaking atop his knees and tear burned eyes holding sheer remorse as he watches them break down.

It hits almost too close for him, with his past. How he'd...What he was forced to do in the colosseum.

How he had to watch the life of numerous victims eyes drain at his hands, over and over again.

While he knows his situation is much different, his mind can't help but to make the connection.

The constricting ropes of guilt wrapping around him without relent as he watches him try and hold back sobs, try to keep his voice steady, visibly at the brink of another panic as his eyes stare off like they often did.

Somewhere far from where they were sitting at the moment.

Somewhere Muriel knew he couldn't reach. Did they...Did those people go through this hurt too? Did they fall apart with sobs wracking their bodies at the thought of their loved ones dying at cruel hands- his hands.

Did they flinch, and scream, and relive the same nightmare over and over-

He'd force himself to snap out of his own down-ward spiral, blinking away the remaining tears in his eyes with a shaky breath, arm going to wipe away any that strayed quickly.

He didn't deserve to cry.

He, his friend who had helped him when Muriel was in a state not much different than his own, who had understood his traumas, understood him- he needed him right now.

He knows of how much his friend had cared for his brother, having heard so many stories of the man, seen the smile that didn't show very often lift his lips.

Knew he'd held so much pride for his sibling.

Even though Muriel hadn't met him himself, with how much his friend,( who didn't speak so much otherwise)- had spoken so highly of him, he found himself having respect for the man himself.

He's not much help in the regards of wording, but he hopes that his presence is enough.

He's not sure if a pat to the back as comfort would do any good, not knowing how he felt about touch at the moment considering what he had gone through in the past,

But he would definitely sit a safe distance beside him, and ask if he needed anything from him.

Muriel would allow him to vent and let it out for as long as he needed, to grieve.

To lose a brother, family, in that way no less- was nothing short of horrible.

He resented the man who had done it, wanting nothing more than to do something about it. The urge to hurt someone, an urge that usually made him sick to the stomach- to hurt that man, the person who left his friend in this state.

But he knew he couldn't.

The devastating event, while somewhat recent, had happened a little while ago by the sounds of it.

Though, even if he couldn't do anything quite substantial, Muriel could at least be there for him.

Calm him down when he had another trigger induced panic,

Distract him when he noticed he wasn't quite there like he should be,

Do whatever he knew would make the man temporarily happy,

Just...Be the person he wished would've been there for him.

It would be a long ride, these kinds of things; trauma, never just up and left.

But it would subside, little by little. Be a little less painful everyday.

And Muriel knew some days would be harder for him than others, progress seeming to disappear within the blink of an eye at the smallest of remembrances.

But Muriel also knew he would be okay.

He would be there for his friend, for as long as it took. Every step of the way.

#mc x muriel #the arcana x reader #the arcana #headcanons #hcs #angst #the arcana angst #platonic!reader #the arcana x mc #male!reader

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3raaaachachacha · 3 years

Text

Han Jisung x female reader / 2.3k words / angst / fluff

Apart of the ‘i’m stuck with a phobia’ series

Warnings: mentions of anemia, fainting, panic attack, mentions of drugs and overdose usage, mentions of traumatic past experiences

Trypanophobia is an extreme fear of medical procedures involving injections or needles. This phobia usually stems from childhood experiences since they are unused to the feeling of being pricked by something sharp.

⊱ ──────────────────────── ⊰

Lightheaded and fatigued was an understatement for your recent condition. About a month ago, you began to experience sudden lightheaded spells that came with unfathomable fatigue. At first, you brushed off the feeling, thinking that it had to be from your exhausting days of work and class, but after fainting for the first time, you knew it was more than exhaustion. Thankfully, you were taken care of by your coworkers and made them promise not to tell your boyfriend about it. You didn’t want to worry him since he was so busy, plus you didn’t even know what was going on with your body, how would he?

This was all new to you. Ever since you were born, you had always been a healthy child. Rarely getting bad illnesses or breaking any bones. Your doctor had always complimented you on how well you took care of yourself and how strong your immune system was but seemed that suddenly that had all changed.

It only took you two more times of fainting from whatever was going on in your body for you to begin to do some research on the symptoms you were experiencing and what it may be. One condition that stood out to you, anemia. This condition included lightheadedness, fatigue, dizziness, skin pallor, shortness of breath, and fast heartbeats, which you slowly began to realize that you had every symptom.

Jisung had found you passed out the most recent time, making him worried and the most upset you had ever seen. You felt horrible hiding this from him, but you truly didn’t want to worry him and take his attention away from his upcoming comeback. That’s how you got here. Sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting to get your bloodwork done to see if you had anemia or not. Jisung sat by your side, holding your hand tightly as the two of you waited for the nurse to call out your name.

Unconsciously, your leg began to bounce up and down, showing how anxious you were about getting your blood drawn. The funny thing was that you weren’t even nervous about finding out if you had anemia or not, it was more so about getting your blood taken from a needle. Ever since you were young, you despised needles. Every time you would see one, you would shake involuntarily and cry as if you had just witnessed a murder. This continued throughout your life until you were fully vaccinated in your middle school days, since then, you haven’t received a shot or gotten your blood taken. Now, here you were in college, many years later, awaiting to get your blood taken and beginning to feel lightheaded already.

This wasn’t something you ever thought you would encounter again, which is why you neglected to tell Jisung about it. Regardless of your phobia towards needles, you pushed the thought towards the back of your head for the time being and tried to focus on slowing your breathing. You couldn’t pass out just from the thought of a needle, you were stronger than that.

“Y/N, come on in,” The nurse happily exclaimed as she held the door open for Jisung and you.

You nodded, unable to say anything with such a dry mouth as you took a seat in the chair, allowing the nurse to place the safety guard down to ensure you wouldn’t fall over if you were to faint. You looked towards Jisung for silent help as he came towards you and took your hand in his before beginning to caress the backs of it.

“It’s going to be alright baby. It’s just a little needle,” Jisung smiled softly as he asked the nurse a few questions in regards to the process after your blood was drawn.

The nurse took the needle out of the package and sanitized it before getting it hooked up to the tube in her hand. She began to feel around on your arm, looking for a vein to stick the needle into. That’s when you began to block out all sound around you as you tried to focus on your breathing, needing to slow it before you fainted. Everything sounded muffled as your heart rate steadily increased.

“Y/N, how are we doing?” Your nurse asked with a smile until she gazed up at you and her smile quickly faded, “Honey, are you alright? Can you hear me?”

You couldn’t respond. Your body felt as if it was in slow motion and you were falling behind. You tried to signal to them that you were going to get sick or pass out, one of the two, you weren’t entirely sure what was about to happen. That was until your body went numb and your vision went dark. Jisung quickly reacted by grabbing a hold of your head before it hit the padded armrest, giving your nurse a shocked look.

“Get me a wheelchair. We need to take her to a bed to rest,” The nurse demanded as she quickly took the needle out of you and bandaged your arm, “Get a juice box and some crackers too.”

Your mind went back to the traumatic day that caused this phobia to manifest within you. The images within your mind were blurry, still, it was clear what you saw. You’d never forget the memory of finding your mother being cornered by two men in the kitchen of your home, late after you had gone to bed, as they forcefully made her inject heroin into her system. You were only eight, but the sounds of your mother’s cries for help would never leave your memory and the reflection of the silver needle that pierced her delicate skin would never not haunt you. You weren’t sure what trouble your mother had gotten herself into or why it had happened, but only a few weeks later, your mother passed away from a heroin overdose. With being so young, you weren’t sure who to blame or what had happened, which is how your undeveloped brain directed blame towards needles and the evil drug that killed your mother.

This tragic event left your brother and you to be sent away to the States in hopes of forgetting the traumatic memories and beginning to focus on your studies to preoccupy your mind. It worked for a while since you had all your needed vaccinations up to date and strayed away from any forms of a needle. You weren’t able to get injections, vaccinations, shots, blood drawn, or even get your ears pierced.

You hated it. You hated that a small needle could render you helpless and affect you physically and mentally so badly that you would need to be taken to the hospital. Something so minimal was the kryptonite of your existence, and there was nothing you could do to overcome it. Not after that small thing took your mother away from you.

The images you tried so hard to bury began to slowly fade away, becoming darker and darker, until you were encapsulated with darkness around you. Only silence, no sound, not even your own breathing. That was until you felt someone caressing the back of your hand gently and the faint sound of your name being called. The sound continued to get louder, making you run towards it as you finally could make out who it was. Jisung.

The bright light hit your sensitive eyes as they fluttered open, making you groan out in pain from the ache in your bones from the panic attack you experienced earlier. Jisung jumped from his spot to stand over you, protecting your eyes from the bright light as he gazed down at your frail figure.

“Baby, how are you feeling?” He asked quietly, moving towards the light switch of the room to flick it off before making his way back to your side.

You groaned out again, still trying to get your senses back to normal from the intense attack you had, “Ji, don’t leave please,” Was all you could muster out as he realized how dry your throat was.

He moved to grab the water and juice box that the nurse had left you while you were still unconscious, “The nurses said you needed to get your sugar levels up, and that you fainted from hyperventilating and a panic attack. Are you afraid of needles baby? What got you so worked up?”

You took the juice box from him, taking a big swig of it before taking a deep breath to help settle your heart rate, “Ji, I should have told you about this sooner and I’m sorry I didn’t. It’s just, it’s so traumatizing that it’s hard to talk about, actually, I haven’t really talked about it out loud before,” You exclaimed, taking in a shaky breath as you felt tears filling your eyes.

Jisung took a seat on the bed with you as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “You don’t have to tell me now, or even at all. Everyone is allowed to have secrets, especially if they are traumatizing. I don’t want you to feel pressured into telling me,” He looked at you with such love and admiration in his eyes as you immediately felt comfort and a more calming sense wash over you.

You quickly shook your head as a tear fell down your cheek, “No, I need to talk about it. I need to tell you about it. It’s been eating at me for too long,” You cried, laughing at yourself, “Why am I crying? I haven’t even said anything about it, gosh.”

Jisung gave you a small grin as he wiped the tears away from your cheeks, pulling you closer to him as he wrapped his arms around your frame, “Just let out your tears and tell me when you are ready.”

You took a few moments to allow tears to fall, nuzzling your head into Jisung’s shoulder as he continued to encourage you to drink the juice to gain a bit of energy. His hand pressed against your back as it slowly moved up and down, trying to soothe your sadness. He knew that this trauma would never leave you, but he would do his best to help you move past it to live a happier life.

“Since I was eight, I’ve had a phobia of needles after I witnessed my mother being forced to inject heroin into her arm by, I would assume, two thugs who had broken into our house one night. No one else knows about this and my mother didn’t even know I saw it. I had randomly gotten up in the middle of the night and peeked through the crack of the kitchen door to see this weird sight in front of me. I was a child back then, I couldn’t avert my eyes from the sight. A few weeks later, she died of a heroin overdose. It was ruled as a suicide,” You closed your eyes, not being able to control your tears anymore as Jisung held you close in his arms.

“Sometimes, I have nightmares of the memory and how I could have helped my mother if I would have walked in the room or how the needles will take me next,” You cried as your words came out a bit incomprehensible.

Jisung shushed you as you couldn’t speak anymore, “What happened to your mother was not your fault and I don't think there was much you could do back then. You are allowed to be afraid of things, even if this thing is a needle. Phobias are normal when they stem from past traumatic experiences. Give yourself a break baby, you’ve gone through a lot,” He placed a kiss on the top of your head as you took a deep breath while wiping the last few tears away.

A knock rang out from the door as the nurse slowly entered the room with a soft smile, turning on the light, “Hi Y/N, I hope you are feeling a bit better,” She moved to the other side of you and took your wrist to check your pulse, “You’re heart rate is normal and it looks like you’ve finished the juice box and had a few crackers. Are you feeling better to head home?”

You nodded your head as Jisung stood up from the bed to grab your things, “Did you get enough blood to run the needed tests?” You asked suddenly as the nurse was throwing the trash away.

“We did. Thankfully before you fainted, we were almost done already so I was able to get enough needed. We will call you when we have your results in. Get home and get some rest, you need it honey,” The nurse said with a smile before exiting the room.

Jisung helped you up from the bed and made sure you were alright to walk alone, which made you smile since you were fine, but it was still cute how he wanted to baby you further. You took his hand in yours as the two of you exited the clinic and took a seat in Jisung’s car as you let a much-needed sigh out.

“You feeling better baby?” Jisung asked as he began to drive out of the parking lot.

You gave him a small smile before nodding your head, “This was something I needed to do and I didn’t even realize I needed to do it. How refreshing,” You chuckled to yourself as Jisung took a right instead of a left that led towards your shared apartment, “Where are we going Ji?”

“To get some ice cream. I think we both need some after the long day we’ve had,” He smiled as you felt even more thankful for him than you did before.

Anytime you would get upset over something, Jisung would always take you out for ice cream, even if it was negative three below and you loved him for that. All you could do was smile as you gazed over at him on the drive there. There was an overwhelming sense of happiness and love towards Jisung that seemed to blossom even further than before, and you were more than happy to welcome that feeling.

⊱ ──────────────────────── ⊰

- Admin 🦋

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cyro-starfire · 3 years

Text

What hurts to talk about...

Cyro X Minus!Lemon Monster hurt/comfort fic

Once again i will be tagging @monsternightfunkin because their blog gives me insperation to write

⚠️WARNINGS FOR THIS FIC:⚠️ OC X CANON, ABUSE MENTION, NIGHTMARE, TRAUMA, SLIGHT SELF HARM (Hitting head), CRINGE

Colors for characters

Cyro - Pink

Minus - Orange

Please enjoy my horrid writing if you can!

It was late into the night, probably around 11 PM or 12 AM. Minus had been put in charge in taking care of Cy, despite Girlfriend and Pico being reluctant in letting him. The others knew Minus was strong enough to protect Cy if any danger were to come into the house. Cyro was sleeping on their bed while Minus slept on the floor, the alien had insisted that Minus should sleep on their bed but he declined, he was worried that with his weight he'd crush the bed, besides their rug wasn't too bad to sleep on, it was soft and fuzzy like him!

Cyro had been very reluctant on letting Minus sleep on the floor because it just didn't feel all to right but they really couldn't say no to him, so they let him sleep on their rug anyway. Despite it being the floor, Minus was catching some good Z's, having a pretty good dream! Cyro on the other hand...was having the opposite experience...

The poor alien was having terrible nightmares for the past week...and they were all about HER...Cyro's abusive ex girlfriend, Sam. It had been over 3 years since Cyro had broken up with her, but the scars from her abuse still remained within Cyro's mind...the horrible things she would say to them...the horrible things she would do to them...it would give Cyro horrible visions and make them go into a traumatic episode if they ever saw anything that reminded them of Sam...

The alien whimpered and whined softly, untill those whimpers got louder...and louder, their body was shaking madly, tears formed in their shut eyes, they could feel her disgusting hands on their body despite her not being there...they could hear her terrible voice, mocking them, laughing at them. Reminding them that they were nothing but a pathetic little alien...

"n-no...no...no no no no no...NONONONOO!!!" They screamed in horror and agony as they choked on tears and awoke from their horror filled dream...panting heavily as they looked around the room. They took a moment to let the cool night air fill their burning, aching lungs...their body was covered in sweat, and tears filled their eyes...they held their pillow tightly and sobbed into it. "Wh-Why...why c-can't y-y-you just leave m-me alone...p-please...g-get out of m-my head..." They whimpered, they wanted to forget Sam and the hell she put Cy through whilst in the relationship with her...

Cyro took their hands off of their pillow and started to hit their temples with their hands. "G-Get out...get out...get out, get out, GET OUT GET OUT!!" They screamed in what at first was fear but then it turned into rage...rage for what she had done to them, and rage for her not getting any karma for it, it aggravated Cy, why did they have to suffer while Sam gets off Scott free? It wasn't fair...why was life cruel like this? What did they do to deserve this?

They were interrupted by a big claw gently grabbing their left hand and stopping that hand from landing blows on their own head. They looked quickly at who had did it, but quietly sighed in relief when they saw that it was just Minus. "Why are you hitting your head? Your head didn't do anything bad did it?" The huge lemon monster yawned. "Don't hurt yourself like that, it's bad." He whined at Cy groggily. "O-Oh, s-s-sorry i w-w-woke you M-Minus, th-there was j-just...a-a fly on my h-head that's all!" Cyro tried to lie.

"I love you but please don't fib to me like that." Minus whimpered in typical dog fashion. "Why were you hitting your head, and screaming 'get out' for?" He asked them again...Cyro looked at Minus...they were hesitant to tell him...They didn't wanna worry him about what had been going on for the past week...would he even understand the gravity of the situation...? Sure he was abused like them but...it was a different kind of abuse...right...? "I...i..." Cyro tried to come up with a good excuse but nothing came to them...

They really had no other option did they? The alien sighed gently and finally gave up. "F-Fine, I'll...i-i'll tell y-you what's going on..." They admitted hesitantly. Minus gently put a claw on their bed to let them know that Cy had his full attention for this time..."I-I've...b-b-been having a-alot of nightmares a-about m-my ex girlfriend, S-Sam recently...a-about how she w-would abuse and manipulate m-me...i t-tried to see wh-what i could do t-to make them go away, b-but they s-still haven't stopped and i...i..." They started to tear up again. "I-I just w-want to forget a-about her s-so b-badly Minus...b-but...i-i don't kn-know if i can..." They said sniffling.

It wasn't before long until they finally broke down in front of minus, holding in any and all tears backfired badly for them, they sobbed and grabbed their pillow again, sobbing into it and apologizing to him that he's now seeing this side of them...he must think their pathetic now...however for Minus...seeing Cyro like this reminded him of himself when he was younger, and those monster hunters would torment him day and night...The lemon monster got up and gently picked up Cy, who was still clinging onto their pillow tightly, still saying "I'm sorry" in short chokes of tears.

"Hey...please don't cry, i don't like it when your in pain..." Minus said to Cyro softly, lifting up their chin gently with his claw. "i-i-i-i'm s-s-s-sorry...i-i-i-i'm s-s-so s-sorry..." They hiccuped, they couldn't stop feeling like it was their fault, maybe they did deserve to get abused, maybe they did deserve to be mentally damaged forever...maybe- all of their thoughts were interrupted by Minus giving them a small, soft lick on the cheek. "H-Huh?" Cyro held their cheek confused. "I don't know who hurt you, how and why but i do know your in pain, and you don't deserve to be in pain..." Minus said to Cyro in almost a hushed whisper, holding them closely to his chest.

There was a brief silence between the two, before Minus broke it again "I'm here for you, i will protect you, everything will be okay, i love you..." He whispered to them, their sobs and sniffles slowly grew quiet as their tears eventually stopped, they were still shaking slightly but not as bad as before...they leaned into Minu's chest and took a moment to embrace how warm he was...how fluffy he was...how safe they were with him..."th-thank you..." Cyro purred softly, as they snuggled into him...the two had a moment of comfortable and safe silence with one another...it was nice. Maybe this is what Cy deserved...healing...saftey...love...

And Minus was there to give it to them. Minus slowly curled up with Cy in their arms, making sure they were comfortable, and the two fell asleep together...

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irondadfics · 4 years

Note

Do you have any long irondad fics you'd recommend? I really want to settle down with a good muti-chapter fic, I'd love to know your favourites!

LONG FIC REC LIST PART 2

I know some of you are stuck inside due to be quarantined right now, and I really hope each and every one of you are doing alright. Please stay inside if you can and be safe!

To help pass the time, here’s a continuation of one of our older lists (be sure to also check out part 1 for more recs). During hard times such as this, we often turn to different forms of art for entertainment and to help us cope. BE SURE TO LET THESE WONDERFUL AUTHORS KNOW THEY ARE APPRECIATED!

This list is organized by word count. Most of the fics listed below are complete but some are not. For example if the word count is encompassed by two asterisks it means the fic is not complete and is subject to change, but the word count is correct as of the day this list was posted.

ENJOY LOVELIES!!

The Guardian by Emily_F6 @justme–emily (234k+)

Guardian: a person who guards, protects, or preserves. When a terrible accident claims the life of May Parker, Tony Stark steps up as Peter’s guaridan. But it’s not just a traumatized super-teen he’ll have to worry about when he recieves a transmission from Thor.

If They Knew All About You by MsHermia (*224k+*)

Tony Stark had lost his son when he was only 2 years old, stolen away in broad daylight with nobody the wiser of what exactly happened. Years later, Tony has just made it through the disaster with Ultron. He is trying to keep himself and the team together but relationships are strained and tempers are running high.Then a random turn of events leads to his path crossing with that of a particular vigilante. They are strangers to each other, or so they think.Peter Parker is on top of the world. After a few shitty years, losing his parents and then losing his Uncle, things are finally looking up. Sure he lives in a crappy little apartment with his Aunt but he might have just found his mission in life.——This is an AU story obvious by some of the tags. I’m starting out a few weeks after Age of Ultron took place. Civil War will be a thing. Other than that I’m not too concerned about sticking to every canon detail and storyline.

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle (220k+)

Homecoming A/U. Ben and May divorced before Peter’s parents died, so when Ben is murdered Peter goes into foster care. It takes just a tiny taste of superpowers for Peter to decide he doesn’t want to put up with his horrible foster father anymore—the streets are infinitely more appealing. All he wants is to be Spider-Man anyway.So he leaves.Simple.Simple, that is, until Iron Man needs Spider-Man’s help. Peter isn’t about to turn down an opportunity to fight alongside Tony Freaking Stark, but he also isn’t going to let his hero know that his recruit is a fifteen-year-old homeless dropout. So they strike a deal. Peter will help Tony. In return, the mask stays on.And that’s when things get complicated.

Lights To Guide You Home (series) by JolinarJackson @jolinarjackson (185k+)

Tony becomes Peter’s guardian after May dies unexpectedly and over the course of a year, they learn to become a family.

hydra’s not a home (series) by tempestaurora @tempestaurora (139k+)

At 6 years old, the son of Tony and Pepper Stark, Peter, is kidnapped, never to be seen again. Or, so they thought. Ten years later, while raiding a HYDRA base, the Avengers come across a new, enhanced individual, working for the enemy: in black spandex, with a tendency to stick to walls and shoot webs from his wrists, the Black Spider is a pain in the ass in more ways than one.

built from scraps by peterstank @peter-stank (138k+)

“Everybody needs someone. That’s what you said, right?” Pepper meets his eyes and he’s struck by the way she’s almost pleading. “We both lost. We can help each other.”Her hand, palm up and open, stretches into the space between them.Peter hesitates.Then he takes it.or: the one where tony was dusted instead of peter, so he and pepper try to figure out the whole ‘family’ thing together.(oh, and it turns out that the man who died in peter’s arms on an alien planet is his biological father. who knew, right?)

rescue me from the waves (series) by homebuilding @marveal (*125k+*)

“Richard Parker was studying Cross-Species Genetics, but struggled with the ethics of it, because it required he use human DNA, which no ethics board would agree with. So he used his own. His work was successful based off of his own DNA, and every human has a unique DNA,” Bruce explains. “So, naturally, when HYDRA wanted his research, they knew they would never get his support, so they took the next best thing they could to his own DNA. His son.“Or, Tony finds a tortured and experimented-on Peter Parker in a HYDRA base and decides to help him because who else will?

more peril in thine eye by iron_spider @iron–spider (119k+)

Tony sits in relative darkness, the TV on mute, Friday running searches like she has been every day for the past month. A month, since Quentin Beck’s grand plan crumpled underneath him on that bridge. A month, since a flash of light was able to distract Peter just as he was about to bring Beck down. A month, since Beck snatched him, since both of them disappeared. An entire. Month.I’ll keep you updated. I promise.I love you, kid. Rhodey’s on his way, alright? He’s coming. He’s gonna go as fast as he can.I love you too. I’ll be okay. I promise. I can do this.The last thing Tony heard Peter say. Rhodey, Happy and Fury traversed the London landscape immediately afterwards. They found the glasses, but not Spider-Man. There was footage enough to incriminate Beck for what he was, but somehow, nobody was able to get a shot of when he grabbed Peter. Peter was knocking him around, looked like he was getting the upper hand, and then that flash of light. Gone. Gone.

I Never Knew I Was Broken by GotMyInkPen @gotmyinkpen (*111k+*)

Peter Parker has been living in HYDRA ever since his parents died at age four. All he can remember are the lesson’s HYDRA taught him and a series of words that strike fear into his heart. The only thing driving him forward are the memories of meeting his hero The Winter Soldier when he was seven and the goal to one day be as great an assassin as him.At age sixteen Peter finds himself tangled in the lives of the Avengers and can’t help but wonder if there’s more to life than what he’s been told.Tony wants to help him, no matter what.

Reviving Peter Parker by YellowDistress @yellowdistress (100k+)

Spider-Man was murdered five years ago, on a beach, at the hands of Adrian Toomes. Peter Parker never came home.Spider-Man was murdered five years ago. Today Peter Parker took his first breath.

It’s a Secret to Everybody by StarPrince_Punk @starprincepunk (97k+)

“I have kids,“ Clint said. “I know dad behavior when I see it.”Tony blinked multiple consecutive times, processing the statement. “Excuse me?”“Tony,” Steve said now, “how long have you had a son? And how come we’ve never known about him?”“Yeah,” Clint spoke again, “I thought I was the only one with a secret family. Turns out you’ve had one longer than me!”——-Peter gets to spend all summer living in Avengers Tower with Tony. When the Rogue Avengers get pardoned and come back to live at the Tower too, they’re confused as to who Peter is. However, once they see how Tony acts around Peter, that confusion goes away, as they know for certain who Peter must be - Tony’s secret son.Tony and Peter decide to make the most of the situation, and play along. They hope they can keep up the act all summer. But they soon learn that they barely have to act at all.

Peter and the Jailbirds by beautifullights @beautifullights1 (86k+)

NOW COMPLETE “If you did play chess,” Ross said, “you’d remember that a pawn can become a queen. The most powerful piece on the board, Parker, remember that? But—” Ross smiled— “only if it obeys.”He adjusted his tie, stood, and looked down at Peter. “I’ll ask you again,” he said. “Eventually. You may feel differently after you’ve been living in a six-by-six cube without sunlight or fresh air for a few years.” “What pawns do,” Peter said, voice shaking slightly, “is sacrifice themselves for the greater good. I have no regrets.”He had a lot of regrets.Like, a lot. A crapton. A shitload. An overloaded dumpsterful.“When I visit you on the Raft,” Ross said, “you’ll be old enough to grow a beard.” The cell door clicked shut behind him. [Rated mature for graphic violence.]

Hardest Lessons (Softest Results) (series) by mainstreamelectricalparade @riseuplikeglitterandgold (*76k+*)

The MCU if Peter was Tony’s biological child.

In the Home by aloneintherain (68k+)

The Avengers have been infected, turned violent and aggressive against their will. And Peter, the only one unaffected, is trapped inside the Tower with six feral teammates.“Natasha,” Peter says cautiously, “what happened here? Steve attacked me, and if there was ever a sign that something was wrong, it’s having the embodiment of Truth, Justice, and the American Way throw you across the room—”Natasha comes closer, her stride controlled. Nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, but there’s something in her face, in her eyes—Natasha lunges across the space, and slams into Peter, hard.

From Fraud to Father by TonyStarkissist @tonystarkissist (67k+)

“Tony,” she placated, “all you have to do is read a couple children’s books to them and answer a few of their questions. You’ll be fine.” “Will you come with me? You’re so good with kids,” he pleaded as she finished up with his collar and awkwardly patted the lapels of his suit down, forcing a smile onto her face when she looked up at him.“No. I’ve got a lot of work to do. Phil’s going with you, though, and so is Happy. You shouldn’t have a problem. They’ll make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”Theres a long pause before Tony finally voices his true concern.“But what if one of them sneezes on me?”

Archetype by Bean_reads_fanfic @the-reverse-mermaid (57k+)

Tony knows something is up when the research of ex-Hydra agents gets recycled in an underground Oscorp lab… what he doesn’t expect is the boy in a hospital gown sticking to the ceiling; or, how said boy proceeds to imprint on him like a baby duckling (a poor decision on his part, really). Did he mention he wasn’t intending on bringing home a kid that day?

Taking Leaps (and the falls that come with them) by Kamomile_Tea (*45k+*)

All across New York City the boroughs are crying out with one voice, asking a question everyone wants the answer to.Where is Spiderman?But no one is asking about Peter Parker.So, he sits alone. Contemplating how his life could have gone so downhill. Grief and nausea well up in his chest and the boy quickly shoves it back down. A shiver courses through him as the cold November air seeps into the building and through his thin clothing. And on the back of his navy blue overshirt, in blocky, white letters, reads the words:CROSSROADS JUVENILE CENTERBROOKLYN NYINMATE 3042 ========== The world seems content with ignoring this young teen. That is, until Tony Stark shows up and asks him if he wants to go to Germany.

Runaway by Spectra @iridescent-spectra (42k+)

Tony and his adopted son Peter get into a huge spat over his late night spiderman escapades, in which case Peter takes the term ‘Not while you’re under my roof’ way too seriously. After all, how hard could it be to run away from a multi billion dollar genius?Chaos ensues as the whole city becomes a metaphorical chessboard for the two equally stubborn masterminds.

#fic rec list #Favorite

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sanvitheartificer · 3 years

Text

time for “I’m gonna screw up my courage and post creative ideas, i guess” latest little interest-drift is Megamind, which i DID see once, when it came out? I should rewatch it, but that would require tracking it down, and i’m pretty sure I’m going to be bored of the movie by the time I can make myself do that. I mention this because this is going to be.... nooooot well researched, i guess? like I’m going off fanfic and vague recollections of a movie i watched 10 years ago and i refuse to double check anything because the POINT is to be honest about what I’m thinking about without having to make it well-put-together.

so, this is a fun idea! but not a good one.

anyway: concept for a fic i’ll never write! it’s a post-canon time-travel fix-it story where Megamind saves his planet. I’m Pretty Sure that Megamind universe specifically doesn’t allow time travel/a redo button, BUT i have a way around that. once i read a really interesting harry potter fic wherein George saved Fred. in HP time travel seems to work okay, as long as you’re doing something that you already did -- Harry sees his future self saving himself, for example. So in this fic, George went back in time, hid from everyone in the past, and made Fred’s death look exactly like he remembered -- but secretly saved him. It had always happened that way; Fred had never actually died in that battle; everyone just thought he did. And then George took Fred back to the future! and he was alive after that, just missing, like, a year of his life or whatever. (i might be getting which twin dies mixed up and i’ll tell you what: i literally don’t care) This has always been a fascinating concept that I’ve wanted to use in something, and a universe like Megamind where I’m (pretty sure?) they say “reset buttons aren’t a thing” is perfect for it. So! Post canon, Megamind is a hero, is traumatized, is dating Roxanne, etcetera. at some point “I’m literally the last of my species and so is Minion” comes up.

Roxanne... wonders. about this. it’s horrifically traumatic, of course, and he did say that thing about reset buttons being impossible, but... also. also? she’s seen a LOT of impossible things, lately. She asks Megamind some subtle, theoretical, “just curious” questions about time travel. What, exactly, is impossible about it?

You can’t change what’s already happened, he says. Paradox. The time-space continuum won’t let it happen. Trust me, I tried. You can... you can go back, but you can’t change anything, all you can do is, is, walk around an empty field maybe, at the most.

He looks so sad at that that she stops pushing. But Minion keeps records of almost every experiment they’ve ever tried, every machine they’ve ever built and she has access, now, and... it could work. She’s just human, she’s not sure, but she thinks maybe it could work, she could give him -- give him a world, she laughs, a little hysterically, because sometimes people say “i want to give them the moon” and that’s supposed to be hyperbole and this is -- this is even bigger, somehow, what is she even thinking --

but she keeps thinking about it. is the thing.

megamind goes quiet, still, when she finally brings it up, and roxanne flinches but meets his gaze. she won’t back down from this. not when it’s this, not when there’s a chance she could save a whole world. two worlds, even!

he’s angry, and he’s scared, and minion at his side isn’t playing peacekeeper like he normally would, because minion looks just as angry, or maybe even more.

how could you, minion says, roxanne, how could you, and roxanne flinches but she meets his gaze, and she has never seen minion so angry in her life.

tell me it won’t work.

she looks, steady, in both their faces, caving in with a grief bigger than she can imagine, the anger of a hundred trillion billion lives, just gone.

Tell me it won’t work, and I won’t -- I’ll -- I can’t make up for telling you this, for asking you this, she says, I can’t, but I’ll say what I can, I’ll do what I can to fix it. But first tell me it won’t work, that it’s completely impossible, because if it’s possible it’s -- it’s your world, and her voice cracks, because she can’t say anything bigger than that, because there is no poetry in the universe that could contain a loss that immense.

and megamind shakes his head, and minion’s fists are clenched so hard the metal creaks, and neither of them. says. anything.

Megamind discovers, after figuring out how to compare earth time to time thirty years in the past in another part of space, that the black hole actually should not have destroyed his planet for an hour. after what he remembers. it’s not... clear, of course, because anyone who was close enough to measure this accurately is dead. but. but it doesn’t match up, and maybe it’s his calculations, or his memories; he was eight days old; maybe he’s wrong

(maybe he’s not. maybe there’s. maybe there’s a possibility.)

and once he’s started thinking about it he can’t stop. of course he can’t stop. it’s his world, every person who looks like him in the whole universe, it’s -- he’s lived on earth his entire life, but this is --

Megamind starts theorizing about making something that looks a lot like a black hole, that could transport entire planets through time. he starts doing experiments. if you take something forward -- if no one knows --

it seems to work, somehow; it’s so complicated that even Megamind isn’t entirely sure why, or how, this will work. he can’t stop a black hole, but maybe he can swallow up his world, steal it away before it gets a chance, maybe he can -- he thinks of his parent, saying, “you are destined for -- “ and laughs and laughs because maybe what he destined for is! is this! to destroy his entire planet before the black hole even gets there! maybe he is -- maybe he is --

but the thing is. there will be a device. a very large device, and he’ll have to somehow simulate a black hole swallowing two planets whole, he’ll have to find some way to yank them all forward; he needs someone who’s impossibly strong, who can move fast. an hour, an hour (57 minutes 33 seconds 12 milliseconds -- will it be enough? could it possibly be enough?) they could arrive sooner but no one can see them and even he can’t sustain a jump for very long, not when they want to bring two planets back with them -- he needs. wayne. he needs metro man.

they talk. sometimes. it’s awkward. wayne hasn’t gotten any better at guitar, even though it’s been three and a half years, now. megamind still doesn’t like him, but... well... he’s. metro man. they’ve always been something to each other, and it’s harder to give that up than he ever would have expected. besides, roxanne likes it, when they talk. she doesn’t like metro man, either, but she thinks he’s someone, too, was friends with him for a long time. it’s wrong, somehow, to just never talk to him, terrible music and decades of enmity and horrible betrayal of a faked death or not.

on very rare occasions he even has semi-kind-of useful-ish advice about the whole “hero” thing. minion still refuses to acknowledge metro man’s continuing existence, but megamind is... he’s not. angry, or sad, that he didn’t actually die, that megamind didn’t actually kill him. whatever he is, it’s not sad.

roxanne is there, when they talk to wayne. even minion is there, angry, angry, angry, but there, asking.

wayne laughs. megamind asks him to help save both of their planets, billions and billions of sentient lives, and he laughs, like it’s a good joke, and roxanne thinks that this is the evillest laugh she’s ever heard and minion somehow looks even angrier than when she first brought up the possibility and he’s still -- he’s -- how can he possibly be this --

c’mon, he says, you’re not serious.

wayne is. he’s stupid, but he isn’t this stupid. roxanne pretended to date him for long enough that she recognizes the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice.

wayne is terrified.

megamind looks ready to lunge at him invulnerable or not and minion just goes blank and roxanne grabs wayne’s arm, like she’s back at one of the endless fancy galas and he’s just said something thoughtless to the mayor, and she smiles with teeth, and she says, give me a minute alone with wayne, will you? thanks.

they step aside and she rounds on him.

they were serious, and you know it, she says, calm. that was cruel, she says, like she’s talking to a child. like she’s talking to someone who doesn’t know better.

i, he says, and doesn’t complete the sentence.

you. don’t have to help, she says, although the words scrape her throat; they can’t do this without him, and it’s not her world but it is -- it’s megamind’s world, it’s minion’s world, and she’s spent so long thinking -- trying to figure this out -- listening -- some days she can almost see it, before the black hole, before anything -- billions and billions and billions of lives -- but she is a reporter and she is used to talking neutrally about things that are not neutral at all so she says, you don’t have to help. but you can’t... don’t make fun of them. don’t pretend like it’s not serious. this is their home world, it’s their whole species, it’s, it’s your --

wayne interrupts her. THIS IS MY HOME, he roars, and he is frightening, now, three heads taller than roxanne already and floating three feet off the ground. this is! i! i’m! human!

his voice breaks. wayne never was a good liar.

this is my home, he says, weakly, but wayne never was a good liar, and this time he isn’t lying at all.

roxie, i’m tired, he says. i’m so tired of being the hero -- being the only one who can -- what if they don’t like me? he says, and he looks like a child, again, and he sounds like a child, again, an alien who could pretend, could pretend really well, but was never really --

wayne never was a good liar. except, of course, when he was lying to himself.

wayne, she says, wayne. i won’t lie to you. this isn’t... fair. to ask you. you’re not a hero, anymore, and it’s not... fair. but. but...

she takes a deep breath.

you have a home. here. and you won’t. you won’t lose it, okay? I’m still your friend, and your parents are still, still your parents, still the people that raised you. we’re... we’re adding things, okay? we’re not taking them away.

and you’re -- i’m so, so, so sorry wayne, but you really are the only one who can do it, this time.

they are quiet, for a moment. and then roxanne says, quietly, have you ever heard him sing?

wayne looks confused, past the anger, past the fear. he shakes his head.

he only knows a few songs. they didn’t... he... he knows a few songs. he’s sung them for me, and told me what they -- wayne. there were sunsets, there, over the sea, the whole world lit up in red and blue and gold shining the ocean vibrating with music, and he says -- he told me, once, that your world had mountains, bigger than any of earth’s mountains, and once they lived at the very top, they --

stop, he says, soft, in all the ways wayne never is,

music man, she says, don’t you want to listen to the music you never got to hear?

stop, he demands, glass-fragile.

he only knows a few songs, she says, bleakly. and her voice is like a black hole that wayne cannot remember, empty, empty with its impossible fullness. two entire worlds, and he only knows a few songs.

okay, wayne whispers.

okay.

i’ll help.

#megamind #ha HA this was. aha #i did NOT expect to write this much but okay then!#this isn't even done #i also have thoughts about culture shock and belonging and being displaced thirty years through time! actually!#and also the very Fraught dynamics of these four working together...#i would like to continue this on ao3 maybe but we'll see if i find myself able to do that.#please. talk to me about this. if you want to #i want to talk to people #time travel fix it #sanvi writes stuff! i guess!

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perthshirecottage · 4 years

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Okay this wound up way longer than I thought it was going to. I was thinking about little Five in the apocalypse and finding Vanya’s book. Has anyone ever thought about how much Vanya’s book influenced Five and his perception of his siblings? Because I think about that and I haven’t really seen too many posts about that so here’s my two cents.

Five was only 13 when he got stuck in the apocalypse and yet he comes back acting like he knows these 29 years old versions of his siblings. Five obsessively reading the book actually explains why he comes back and immediately thinks every single one of his siblings besides Vanya are stupid and useless despite not having seen any of them in 45 years. The book would have been written to make Vanya the poor sympathetic victim and her father and siblings the villain of her story. 45 years is a long time and I’m sure Five has forgotten plenty of details about his siblings. He still has his own faded memories of the people he remembers and so he might remember bits and pieces that weren’t in the book but those memories would be influenced by the things Vanya had written and perhaps make him question if he was remembering correctly. Not to mention Vanya’s book is the only written account of the kind of people they became and Vanya made sure she was the only one who came across in a flattering light. Five would have read about Klaus and his spiral into addiction and how he stole and lied to his siblings. How Allison became even more shallow and vain. How Luther was almost cruel in his need to be the leader, acting more and more like dad every day. Deigo was selfish and only cared about making sure everyone knew he was better than them and he was angry and bitter when he couldn’t. And Vanya would have written herself as the saint who endured all of this only to be tossed aside like a broken doll that no one wanted. Of course Five is going to lean towards seeing things Vanya’s way. Her voice is the only influence he had on knowing who his siblings became. The only fact that Five would have kept alive outside of Vanya’s influence is that he loves his siblings. I don’t say any of this to diminish what Vanya went through. She *did* suffer. But so did everyone else in that house. And Vanya’s book would not have shown that because she didn’t think anyone else suffered the way she did. She thought she was treated horribly and abused while her siblings were living the high life of being extraordinary and that she had to be the martyr for living through that. So Five, young and impressionable and all alone would have had Vanya’s voice in his ear telling him all the reasons why she was the only good person in that house, the only one that was competent and could be trusted. Five would have felt more of a kinship towards Vanya than anyone else because her book would have endeared him to her. Unfortunately when he got there and Vanya didn’t believe him it went against the Vanya that Five had created in his head. Because none of Five’s siblings were quite the people that Vanya had portrayed in her book, not even herself. And Five has had to adapt to anything the world has thrown at him so he just rolls with it. He also didn’t have time feel any loss at his preconceived notions being wrong because, you know the apocalypse was in 8 days.

I don’t know the exactly what the kids’ relationships were like growing up, and I know that Vanya wrote about how Five was her only confidant. How he was the only one who cared, but that is the voice of someone who is 15 years past what happened and seeing things with rose tinted glasses. I know the popular opinion is that Five and Vanya were the absolute best of friends and everyone else was just sort of there, but that’s based on a head shake, a name called, what Vanya said, and the fact the Five went to Vanya first. That’s not to say that Five and Vanya were not friends, but I don’t think that Vanya was Five’s only friend. Because of their dad’s influence no one wanted to hang out with Vanya that much but since Five did that meant that he was her best friend. And Five left and so those are the memories that Vanya held onto to but I highly doubt that Five hung out with Vanya and only Vanya. The fact that Five had enough love and connection to endure 45 years of hell to get back to his entire family and not just Vanya shows that five had to have had an honest connection to *all* of his siblings. At 13 I’m sure that Five played with all of his siblings and had a relationship with each of them. In flashbacks he was arrogant and smart but also a little silly and playful and he wasn’t as stressed and mean as he is in the show because he hadn’t endured 45 years of trauma. And while yes, I do think Five was probably closer to Klaus, Ben, and Vanya, if only because Allison and Luther were caught and up in each other and Diego had latched into their mom, it doesn’t mean that Five didn’t hang out with people who weren’t Vanya. He would have bonded with everyone else over things that Vanya couldn’t understand. Vanya thought getting a tattoo would have been cool, and wanted one only because she was left out while everyone else knew how frightening and traumatic the whole thing was. Vanya didn’t endure training sessions and know how brutal those could be. She didn’t go on missions and experience how thrilling they could be when they went right but that also meant she never felt the panic and desperation and fear when they went wrong. Back to my point which is that Vanya would have only had good things to say about Five and how close they were. Vanya probably would have written about how everyone didn’t seem to mind that much about Five going missing because that gave them more room to shine and how she was the only one to make him peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches and leave the lights on for him because she was his best friend and the only one who cared about him. so of course Five is going to come out years later remembering how close he and Vanya were because her book would have influenced his memories. He wouldn’t as clearly be able to remember joking around with Klaus or sitting around complaining about training with Diego or those moments where he and Ben would sit in compainiable science while reading or how he and Luther would excitedly talk about whatever new science fact they had learned that day or how he and Allison would laugh over some of the more ridiculous articles that were written about the esteemed Umbrella Academy. Vanya’s account of their friendship would have made Five feel closer to her than anyone else. And I’m sure Five would have felt a connection to Vanya’s portrayal of complete isolation. Five understands on a visceral level what it means to be cut off from everyone and everything and he would have felt this kinship with Vanya over that as well.

Which brings us to season 2. Five still loves Vanya and wants to protect her, but Vanya also isn’t the same person he thought she was. She is more angry and vindictive than he thought. And the rest of the siblings aren’t quite what Five had built up in his head either. Klaus isn’t just a lying junkie, but also empathetic and sad. Diego isn’t just an angry number 2 but has a protective streak a couple miles wide. Luther isn’t just Dad’s lackey but is someone who just wants to protect his family but is floundering in figuring out who he is. Allison isn’t completely focused on herself but wants to be a better sister, a better person. Five is reminded more of the people he knew when he was 13. He is reminded that Vanya has some bad qualities but that those don’t diminish the good ones. He is also reminded that the others are not just the horrid useless people from Vanya’s book, but people who are hurting just like him (even if he still knows he had it worst) and who are good and loving people that he wants to reconnect with. And so seeing them in this new light and also realizing that leaving people out of the loop is what caused the last apocalypse, Five puts more trust in his family and tries to bring them together to stop this new apocalypse. He wants to be closer and work with and spend time getting to know this version of his siblings. In S1 when Five is given a minute to breathe because he thinks the apocalypse is over, he realizes that all he wants to do is grow up and be with his family. He wants to just be, without a mission, without an apocalypse. He is tired of fighting and clinging to rage to keep his adrenaline up just so he can function to get through his exhaustion and pain to save the world. He wants to connect to his family. He wants to know all of them. And Five is willing to do whatever he has to get the chance to truly know his siblings on his own terms and not through someone else’s skewed perspective. Five is even willing to fight Vanya because again, he is seeing that she is willing to toss away all of his hard work because she cares more about her selfish desires than going home which is all Five has wanted for 45 years not to mention the fact that he hasn’t had a single break in two weeks. Of course it’s not just Vanya, everyone does get sidetracked by their own personal problems and Five winds up just about losing his mind. Even older, younger Five shows that Five is automatically going to side with Vanya for destroying the world. This Five hasn’t been rejected by Vanya or seen her get angry or been reminded that his family is more than just the bad people in Vanya’s book so when he finds out that Vanya destroyed the world because she was ignored then he is like yeah that tracks. Five has seen all of his siblings too long through Vanya’s eyes and he deserves the chance to know them himself.

Five has lived far longer without his family than he did with them plus he was so young when he left that he wouldn’t have had that many years of concious memories. So Vanya and her book would have had just as much of an impact on his life as the apocalypse did.

#tua #five hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #the hargreeves #tua s2 spoilers #the umbrella academy season 2 spoilers #the umbrella academy

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