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breathlesswinds · 22 days

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(Devlog) What We Learned Making A Trans Dating Game

Hello, Amelia here, the writer for Breathless Winds. It's been 250,000+ words, countless revisions, and three years since this game entered development, and I wanted to talk about what I've learned leading up to release.

The concept for Breathless Winds was actually sort of a joke between friends. I was talking with Doris about how there should be a dating game where you play as a trans woman and your dating options revolve around certain ‘tropes’ we’d both seen in trans fiction-- the totally accepting cishet guy who falls in love with the trans heroine before she even knows she’s a woman, the cool trans woman who the heroine doesn’t know if she wants to date or wants to be, and so on.

Doris wound up suggesting we make this game ourselves. We both like visual novels and want to tell LGBT stories. Still half-jokingly and half-seriously, we started fleshing out what the romance options would be and coming up with a setting-- and soon, we were fully committed to making this game real.

I was a fan of visual novels but had only ever written prose. I knew which visual novels I liked and which scenes stood out, but I didn’t know why they did or how to make my own.

I read some great advice from visual novel developers, but a good amount of my knowledge came from just working on Breathless Winds. As our first project, this game has grown a lot with us and we’ve learned a lot while making it.

Learning How to Write Visual Novels

A bad habit I had to break out of was only using the ‘novel’ part of the game and not the ‘visual’ part. I would sometimes write “He smiled” or lines like that, and Doris informed me that we can convey this much more simply with a sprite change.

It sounds obvious in retrospect, but lines like that are often pretty invisible when you’re reading a non-visual novel. These lines change the sprite of the character inside your head (if that makes sense, haha). I realized that I’m so used to them being ‘invisible’ that I didn’t notice their absence in visual novels I liked, so I would accidentally include them while writing.

I was also writing these routes in a word processor, so I didn’t have the visual portion to reference, myself. I wound up making a lot of ‘tone’ notes like, “Lantana should be smug here” so that the meaning would carry when revising and implementing these into Ren’py.

So, while visual novels share a lot with prose, they’re an entirely different medium. On the subject of representing things visually, I’ve struggled trying to figure out how much can be visually represented and how much should be written.

Every asset in the game has to be drawn by Doris, so if I want the characters to go to a new location for a scene, I have to keep in mind that’s another background that Doris has to draw. If I want a new character to show up, that’s another sprite she has to draw. I don’t want to overload her, but if I’m trying to avoid this entirely, characters sometimes wind up standing in one room talking for ages without anything significant changing on-screen.

I’ve learned that it’s recommended for something to almost always be changing on-screen, though, so sometimes I just have to ask Doris to make a new asset for a certain scene. I still try to stick to locations/characters that already exist more often than not.

Every single thing in a visual novel is deliberate. Another thing I’ve had to learn that I never even considered before is how to write each line so it fits in the text box. It sounds obvious, but when I’m playing a visual novel, I don’t usually think about how each line has to be carefully constructed so it doesn’t need to be split up into two or more text boxes. In my mind, if a visual novel is well-created, there’s not much that breaks a reader’s immersion.

Planning & Outlining

The previous section might sound really weird to some people, so let me elaborate. I’m a lifelong ‘write by the seat of your pants’-er, so the biggest trial-and-error of creating Breathless Winds for me was planning out the game.

Initially, I created outlines for each of the four routes, and we agreed ahead of time on which CGs each route would have. That way, Doris could draw the necessary backgrounds and CGs while I was in the long process of drafting this game. My original outlines weren’t great. I know a lot of people have different experiences with writing, but for me personally, a story is always shaping itself in my mind. When I started making the outlines for Breathless Winds, I knew the concepts we wanted to convey, but I didn’t know what each route (and the game as a whole) was really about yet. This might sound weird and unprofessional, but sometimes, I don’t know what a story is about until I finish the first draft.

So while I was writing, I would look at my outlines and I would think, “this doesn’t actually make sense, he wouldn’t say that” or “this plot point would work better if moved to this other section” or “there’s a plot hole here I didn’t notice”. The story wound up changing a lot in this way as I learned what it’s really ‘about’.

And even after I finished the first draft, I’d get feedback from Doris and/or my editor and they would suggest fixes to problems that even I hadn’t noticed, and then I would revise the route some more, and later on I’d come back and need to redo part of the route to comply with something I wrote in a later route-- I haven’t really felt ‘finished’ with Breathless Winds at any point, and I think I’ll still feel this way after the game is released.

This means that sometimes, a background was created but would go unused because there was no space for the scene that would use it, or we’d need a new CG last-minute, or so on.

When I’m figuring things out as I go while writing a non-VN, the only person that I can adversely affect is my own self… so I’m eternally grateful for all of Doris’s patience with me on this matter. I think Breathless Winds has come out a much better game for all the re-plotting and revision.

I redid the outlines several times as I went. I think I’ve understood how to create outlines that personally work for me-- ‘living’ outlines that hit all the main points, but leave wiggle room for moments when a character does something unexpected, work the best for me.

Scope Creep

So, originally, each route was meant to be 40,000 words. “With four routes, that’s only 160,000 words!” I thought. “And some of my favorite visual novels are about that long, so I can write that much, too!” ← clueless

This is the most infamous mistake that new creators make, and I walked right into it. I should have known better since I’ve bitten off more than I can chew with past non-VN writing projects before, but I was starry-eyed and didn’t realize how much work it is to make a VN. Some of those favorite visual novels I referenced were made by much larger teams, writers whose full-time job was writing (I wrote all of these routes on the side while working at a day job).

If I could have done it again, I would have asked Doris to start out with a really short VN. But, I don’t regret making Breathless Winds at all. It’s brought Doris and I a lot closer, for one. Every time I thought I wanted to give up on this, Doris would motivate me to continue. Without the two of us both and our strong friendship, Breathless Winds wouldn’t exist, and I think that’s beautiful.

No matter what, we’re going to see it through to the end. (I hope people like it, though…)

Anyway, here I am talking about how much 40,000 words is. Each route now is about 60k to 70k words. The problem with having evolving outlines is that they can often evolve into double their original size.

We came up with the idea of the poachers really early in development, and then not addressing the poachers felt like a failing, but by that point it was too late to remove the poachers entirely… and so the game wound up a lot longer dealing with the poachers.

I think that if we had an editor sooner on in the game’s development, then we might have had someone to tell us, “do you really need all of this in the game? Does this plot point really need to be there? Will you be able to write all of this in a reasonable amount of time?”, haha. But Doris and I were really excited about the possibilities of this game when we started creating it, and without anyone to reel us back in, we wound up coming up with more and more things we wanted to put in the game.

Did you know there was going to be an island full of talking rats who say things like “the big cheese” and stuff all the time in Breathless Winds? Yeah.

The Core Design Philosophy of Breathless Winds

So, for anyone who’s read this far but doesn’t know yet-- the premise of Breathless Winds is that you play as a trans woman who doesn’t know she’s trans yet, and she finds love with one of four love interests as she discovers her gender identity.

In real life, it can be a lot messier for a person to date when discovering their gender identity. To put it briefly and mildly, a trans person’s life and sense of personal identity can rapidly change during a gender crisis and the early stages of transition.

However, we wanted to make this game a ‘wish-fulfillment’ type story-- a trans fantasy about acceptance, community, and love. During a gender crisis, it can be easy to feel as if one has lost touch with themselves and become isolated from others. A sincere wish shared by many trans people is to be accepted, loved, and even celebrated as their true gender, not just tolerated.

Since many trans people don’t get love and acceptance in real life, especially with the ongoing transphobic moral panic, we wanted to create a game that would bring this feeling of trans joy and celebration to trans audiences.

We also hope that cis players will still enjoy the story and characters, and maybe come away from the game with a new understanding about being transgender and other aspects of LGBT identity (although we never intended this game to be ‘educational’).

Making Characters that Celebrate Trans Identity

Although we went through several revisions, the core identities of each character stayed the same since the game was first ‘jokingly’ pitched. In another post, I discussed how each character is themed around a change in seasons. (I also wound up theming them around the four humors when I was initially concepting them-- I really wanted to avoid too much ‘overlap’ in the LI’s personalities, haha).

Ultimately, characters are created to serve a role. The LIs in Breathless Winds were designed to be love interests, of course-- characters who would appeal to the hypothetical trans femme audience. As mentioned earlier, we modeled them after other trans fiction tropes because these types of characters have a certain tried-and-true appeal, but this left plenty of flexibility to put our own spin on it.

A trans woman being loved as a woman by a cishet guy can feel like a high form of ‘passing’, ‘fitting in’ to the female gender role, and being validated by his orientation. He only likes women, and he likes you, so you’re undoubtedly a woman. As a cishet guy, he represents a sort of acceptance into a societal norm that trans women can desire to live to. (Lantana, as a cis lesbian, represents the sapphic counterpoint to this-- although there is of course a big gap between the ‘normalcy’ of a cishet man and a cis lesbian woman, and I don’t mean to say those two are equivalent.)

But not all trans women want to live to that (cis) societal norm. Rue and Valerian, as a trans woman and a trans man respectively, are the t4t options.

Rue’s route represents that trans/sapphic ‘envy’ (“do I want her or do I want to be her?”) as well as finding power in community aside from what society considers ‘normal’. We’ve always been pretty clear about what we wanted to do with Rue’s route.

We went back and forth a lot more on Valerian’s route. Initially, we were unsure if he should be trans. He and Rue are the two less-friendly love interests (at least initially), so I was afraid it would come across that t4t is a more hostile option, which is not true at all. But it also felt like a mistake to not have a trans man in the game-- but making Gallardia trans would have required a big overhaul of what we had in mind for him and his route. (Although, childhood friends t4t is a really good idea...)

Beyond that, Valerian takes a villainous role in any route that isn't his own. We were worried that it would be wrong to have a trans antagonist who represents unjust power. However, Breathless Winds is a queer game with other positive trans characters, and we've always approached Valerian as a hot anti-villain man that you can't help but like.

In the end, Valerian’s route is about breaking generational cycles and what it is that makes you a man, and I also managed to sneak in a scene where they dance at a ball in the royal palace, so in the end I think it all worked out great.

Wish Fulfillment and Catharsis

Doris and I both agreed that we wouldn’t depict on-screen transphobia in Breathless Winds. Poppy worries about not being accepted, but fear of acceptance can come with any change in identity. Rue was rejected by her family for being trans, but this doesn’t take place ‘on screen’ in the game. There exist certain metaphorical parallels for transness and transphobia, but every route has a happy ending.

Following up on this-- it can be difficult to write about discovery of gender identity without writing about transphobia, considering how many trans people suffer from internalized transphobia during their period of repression.

Sometimes, repressed/closeted transgender people ‘hyper-perform’ their assigned gender as a form of denial. A trans woman might grow out a beard and join a gym, while a trans man might become very interested in makeup and feminine clothing.

In Breathless Winds, Poppy often struggles with ‘strength’ and what it means to be a man. In several routes, she tries to prove her strength under the assumption that being stronger would make her happy. Afraid the world would reject her if she became who she really is, she preemptively rejects herself.

Not every trans person suffers from prolonged denial, internalized transphobia, or even gender dysphoria. I don’t think it’s impossible to tell a purely-positive story about trans joy.

While Poppy never gets rejected for being trans, faces transphobia, gets called a slur, etc, she faces both internal and external (metaphorical) obstacles to realizing and accepting her identity.

Gallardia represents a societal norm that Poppy can’t live up to herself as a man.

Lantana suffers from certain aspects of her identity as a woman, which makes Poppy feel guilt for wanting to be a girl.

Rue is isolated from town at the start of her route, a ‘punishment’ for breaking this societal norm.

Valerian has to hyper-conform to his masculine gender role at first in toxic ways before finding acceptance from within and from his loved ones.

These struggles are real to a lot of people, but instead of pretending they don’t exist, I hoped to tell a story about catharsis. Poppy is able to live up to her truth as a woman and finds love with Gallardia, Poppy and Lantana redefine what being a woman should and does mean to them, Rue and Poppy find community in others who don’t fit the norm, Poppy and Valerian stop seeking gender validation from a society that was never made to serve them.

Although these powerful forces of oppression exist, loving yourself as a trans person- and loving those around you, protecting the natural world, and standing up for what you believe in- can save the day. That’s the kind of story we wanted to tell.

Wrap-up

There’s a lot more I could write, but this has already gotten really long (sorry!) so I’ll wrap it up here.

Learning how to write a visual novel in terms of technical skill (how to depict events on-screen, how long each line should be) as well as in terms of writing skill (how to outline the game, how to plan visual assets) has been a massive undertaking for me.

Writing Breathless Winds has been a big challenge but also deeply rewarding, and all of your support has made the experience even more wonderful. Thank you for reading and thank you for supporting the game!

#visual novel #otome #dating sim #amare #trans #lgbt #breathless winds

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waywardstation · 2 months

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Pardon us Boss, but we've been thinking about the Phione Ingo branch off of your Phione!Akari AU- are we permitted to write a wee bit of angst concerning it? Nothing solid at the moment because too many ideas, and we wished to ask for permission first.

In fact on that same note- may we know angst limitations? So if we are permitted to write what we're thinking, we can commit to all safety checks and stay behind the yellow line.

We know that the main au is preferred, but can't help but be curious- do you have any stray thoughts about this branch off? Random things that have come to mind? We enjoy hearing about all of it really, your mind is truly exemplary. We do not want this message to be terribly long, otherwise we would write down some thoughts we've had ourselves. Perhaps in the next one.

A pleasure, as always, Boss!

- The Zoroark Skulk

Hello!! Thank you for asking!!

It would certainly be allowed and I’m honored you want to write something about it ;w; as for angst limitations, I’m unsure what you’re thinking about doing so I can’t say for sure, but just in general for reference, I’m uncomfortable with heavy/detailed/prolonged gore or death, or bad endings that imply it only continues or gets worse. I can’t think of anything else that bothers me at the moment in regards to angst, so if it’s not those, it’s good!!

I admit this variation of the AU is not nearly as fleshed out haha. But I’ve had some thoughts on it before, and I just thought on it a little more to add some details:

- the incident happens when, opposite of the Phione Akari AU, Ingo does go with Akari to find Manaphy.

-Akari is unable to catch Manaphy, who flees from the cavern. Manaphy bumps into Ingo, who is waiting outside the cavern. Surprises Manaphy into a heart attack, and gets heartswapped.

-Akari finds both of them (she thought they had all left, but at least a Phione is still here to catch!). She doesn’t know they heartswapped, they’re just both unconscious. FREAKS OUT. She has Braviary take them to Galaxy Hall to get Ingo(Phione) to Pesselle while she tends to Phione(Ingo).

-She brings Ingo back to consciousness, who is rightfully confused and horrified. By the time she goes to check back on ‘Ingo’, Pesselle says he woke up and left in a hurry before she could calm him down; he was freaked out.

-now Akari is stuck with this Phione that is all over the place, and is SO LOUD, always making noises at her and constantly looking distressed. And it refuses to be caught in a pokeball; it dodges every time she tries.

-Akari thinks Ingo ran off because he was concerned that she was still at the sea cavern; he was unconscious at the time anyways, he didn’t know! He probably ran back to find her! She goes looking for him (and while she’s not too worried at first, as the days go by she will become terrified something happened).

-Seeing him as only a tiny, squishy sea creature who’s defenseless, Akari treats Ingo like a baby and shows him off like one to people, as she does with all of her small, cute pokemon. Ingo loathes it. SHE DOES NOT KNOW AND SHE’S ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED WHEN SHE FINDS OUT LATER.

-Also, as a Phione, the gem on Ingo’s chest is his up triangle symbol to distinguish him.

I hope that’s a good amount of detail for you!! Thank you so much for asking and being interested!! ^^

#Phione Akari AU #except it’s #Phione Ingo AU variant

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sandrockianblues · 5 months

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Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of talks about the sandrock builder customization and how people been wanting more body types, although I’ve seen people being rude about it tbh, just the way talk about the female builder’s body is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. how do you feel about this?

Hi anon, thank you for asking me my opinion on this 💜💜

While it’s been more than a year of people vocalizing their desire in having sliders/ options/ different presets- only recently has the female builder’s body been complained about to the extent where I think a larger issue needs to be addressed.

Body shaming is still body shaming.

To pull some quotes I’ve seen:

“…small and childlike”

“…body types are definitely something that looks like an adult.” (In ref to Grace and Heidi bodies)

“…give us more mature body types too”

“I’m a baby.”

“…really awkward”

“Downright comical”

“…would love my builder to look more adult.”

“my builder looks like a toddler being walked to school by her husband haha.”

“I’m not a fan of looking like a child.”

“general proportions” (in ref to what the “issue” is)

“currently is kinda twigy”

And in discussion for future installments or advancements within the game:

“it’d be great if they got rid of that look.”

“I do hope they move away from it in the future.”

*this is about the female player body- I cannot speak on behalf of the male player body completely*

As someone who is personally significantly shorter than the builder myself and has a petite or smaller frame- this was very degrading to read comments of.

While I’m a huge advocate for any sort of character customization implements that can be involved such as height sliders/presets/ weight sliders/ whatever else, and I believe that you should have the right to vocalize your wants-

What I don’t believe is that it should come with mocking and criticizing the current female body of the player.

And I truly hope that this look isn’t just scrapped and gotten rid of.

Those under 5’2” are already misrepresented or just not represented enough as adults in games a large majority of the time. We often get stuck with characters that have larger or more curves than we do. Characters of average or taller height. Modelesque to curvaceous characters.

I’m not saying these physical wants for characters shouldn’t be implemented or that they should be ignored. I’m saying you can ask or wish for them without putting down those who do have smaller builds. Those without an hourglass figure or who legitimately are a foot or two shorter than the person they choose to become romantically involved with.

While this is something that me, family, friends, etc have dealt with our whole lives- those of us who have fallen on the very shorter side of the scale, I’m not going to standby and watch it be incorporated into a game that has quickly become one of my top two favorites in the past year of playing it.

Criticizing- not critiquing, there is a huge difference- the female player body as it stands right now and making harsh jokes about it is seen by those who happen upon these posts or threads and can identify with the body themselves. I know a number of short and petite people who are playing My Time at Sandrock, and if I’m being completely honest, this may be the first time we had a more comfortable experience with a character that can be customized for ourselves.

The builder is in their early 20s and also created by a small Chinese indie game company called Pathea. Think of how many of those who are more prone to those heights or body frames have been criticized alone. This game is possibly more prominent in China right now given that they have an online website we ourselves can’t translate. They’re aware of new merch and such we’ve yet to receive official news on.

Also for reference:

Yes, average height.

It may be fun to joke about how it looks to you, but for some people… this is our reality.

No, not all short people have dwarfism. No, not all petite people are just not eating enough. And yes, some of us may not have the ample assets that most women do have. And it’s something we’ve had to deal with our whole lives.

Implying that a taller height and a curvy figure or an incredible bust size is what makes a “mature” and “more adult” look is beyond insensitive. To imply that it is “what makes a girl a woman” is horrifically humbling to read.

And I do mostly see this body shaming of short or petite stature and height coming from mostly women. One cannot preach for body positivity if they continuously exclude and demoralize a body type. It’s hypocritical, it’s demeaning.

Comparing the female player body to the likes of Grace or Heidi or Jane- beyond saying it’s just the type of build one may want, as in, using them as a comparison to further degrade the current body, is yes, still body shaming and something a lot of us have worked hard to try and not compare ourselves to.

Does this have to do with me writing short female characters? Beyond the fact that I am short myself? Yes. Because it’s gotten to the point where if it’s not body shaming, it is fetishizing or glorifying the idea of being smaller than the average short height. And I want some readers to be able to read of a short character that isn’t “gremlin” or “closer to hell evil” or “feral” sometimes. Because that’s stereotyping. And we’ve been stereotyped our whole lives.

The female builder is in her early to mid 20s, around 5’2”, taller than some characters (that aren’t children), has a notable ass and chest- and yet while that’s how some of us look or it’s a bit more, “she’s not a woman”?

I have dated and befriended men from 5’ to 6’5”- and shockingly, men have been less prone to making me feel as less of a woman than the comments from my own gender have. I have shown and read these comments to my father, male friends, brothers and such only to see them become irritated that women are body shaming this body type. Pointing out the hypocrisy and some of the shallow remarks.

This is akin to a post I saw:

Unrealistic and far fetched right? How do you think we felt- those of us who were 5’2” or below.

Someone who is quite literally the same exact height as Andy irl and in my twenties.

I could go into the whole aspect of having to reanimate or rig the characters and players for cutscenes and interactions. I can dive into the whole deal with the “baby face” expressions (and yes, some people just do have a “baby face”). I can stand on Pathea’s side who has worked tirelessly and with several issues they had to work past. The deadlines and due dates they’ve had to push back while early access fans still cheered them on for support. Or I can point out that this game is rated with an E10+ rating.

But this post isn’t about that.

Preach for what you want or options you’d like to see. But no, let’s not make callous remarks and harsh jokes on the player’s body. Let’s not just suggest they get rid of it entirely.

Women are supposed to support women. How about we stop deciding bust size and height is what makes you a “real woman”?

#siren speaking✨#my time at sandrock #mtas #sandrock #pathea #anon ask #mtas anon ask #body shaming #short builds #petite builds #call out

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red-hibiscus · 2 months

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BL characters I relate to most as a mentally ill gay trans man

Daisy from SCOY

Surprising no one, I, a trans person, relate to Daisy. They're outgoing and seemingly don't care about how people view them. They know they're visibly queer and they normally don't mind it (from what I see). But at the end of the day, society does affect them. They're hesitant to believe Touch genuinely cares and is attracted to them despite Touch being an absolute green flag who is very direct with his flirting. Even after, Daisy was worried about people would view their relationship with Touch and tried to become Day, a more masculine version of themself. Impossible of course and they broke down emotionally exhausted. I feel that so much because I also don't believe it when people, especially cis gay men, are attracted to me. I've caught myself trying to change my behavior to be more masculine (as I'm a bit on the nonbinary side of things). It's bad, but I know how Daisy feels.

Wang from 180 Degree Longtitude Passes Through Us

As a 26 year old trans gay immigrant in a country that doesn't want me, I have a shit ton of pent up anger that has been building up since I was a child. I've calmed down over the years, but I can still be stubborn and argumentative when it comes to politics and human rights. I'm also a linguistics major, thus an academic.

Wang is so much like myself and like a lot of people around me. Like me and Wang would be close friends irl I know it. We're young and stubborn. We're angry at the older conservative people around us, too much sometimes. So he lashes out. Many of his points are correct, but they're not hitting. Partially because the people he's talking to don't want to change, partially because he himself is stubborn. People like us yearn to be free, to be ourselves and to learn. Wang has a passion for the humanities like myself. Yet he knows society really only cares about STEM fields. I've compromised and am getting a master's in computational linguistics. Even though really I just wanna learn as much as I can about sociolinguistics.

Karl from Gaya Sa Pelikula

I haven't watched GSP in a hot minute, but I do remember feeling very seen.

So in the show Karl has his gay awakening, tries to internally and externally deny it, and eventually let himself be free to feel everything and be himself (at least in private).

Now I didn't have a gay awakening, but I guess you could say a trans awakening. In middle school I felt different, I suspected maybe some flavor of LGBT, but wasn't sure and I was too afraid to think about it too hard. Come high school I secretly wanted to join the LGBT club, but was afraid. Then I was essentially adopted into the LGBT club and dragged into the friend group during lunch because I was a loner like everyone else. At the time still "identified" as a cishet woman. As time went on people started to suspect. "Why are you in the club?", "why did you cut your hair", "why do you dress like that?", "your voice is low for a girl haha", etc. Much like Karl, I was not ready for any of that. I was still struggling to make sense of it all and come to terms with it myself. So I kept rejecting it and every time it hurt.

I kept rejecting it until I couldn't. Until someone I resonated with so much came out as trans and it clicked. My trans awakening was complete. I became able to be more myself, but only in private safe spaces. I wouldn't come out and live as a man until after high school and it was terrifying.

Adachi from Cherry Magic

I've only watched the jpn ver, but I'm sure that character remains the same.

I'm anxious and used to be quite shy. Now I'm just awkward. I'm really bad at seeing the good in myself cause I feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly in life. Not that impressive. So when people compliment me I think "haha they're just being nice" (refer back to me never believing people are actually attracted to me).

Adachi is the exact same. He has the same routine every day. Just going through the motions and not really thinking anything of himself. But then Kurosawa comes along and the ability to read minds. Adachi then realizes "wait, someone I respect so much actually loves me? And thinks I have a lot of good qualities? Makes me wanna cry." And me too Adachi. I'd be the same.

Jared from 7 Days Before Valentine

Jared, my precious baby, is described throughout the show as kind, but weird and different. We later learn that he has dyslexia, and honestly he seems to be somewhere on the autism spectrum. Even if he isn't, he has a behavioral difference people pick up on and then shun him for it.

I too was seen as kinda weird growing up. Maybe it was the autism, maybe it was the social anxiety. Probably both. And then of course there was the gnawing feeling that I was different than everyone else and it turns out it's because I'm trans.

So when Jared said that people didn't talk to him because he wasn't like other people it hit me so hard.

Myungha from Love For Love's Sake

The whole show is sad yet cathartic for me. Myungha is depressed yet spends his time comforting others. He has a hard time loving and receiving love. If you give him a fictional character who is very similar to him he will love them and see all the good, but he doesn't see it in himself. Relatable as hell.

I have an incredibly hard time being honest with my emotions and letting people love me and express attraction. Mostly in a romantic/sexual context. Dpdr is cockblocking me. So dating is hell, but I'm lonely and yearn to not be.

Probably if you put me in a situation like Myungha I'd also go "yep, that right there is my blorbo" and then not realize that all the things I like about the person and make me care about them are things I have.

Honorable mentions:

Both Akk and Ayan from The Eclipse

Nozue from Old Fashion Cupcake

Oh-Aew from I Told Sunset About You

Cher from A Boss and a Babe (I headcannon him as autistic)

Amber from DNA Says Love You

Uea from Bed Friend

Mitsuomi from Restart After Come Back Home

Jao from SCOY

Maybe I'll make another post for those later

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frostedpuffs · 9 months

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you have most definitely had a devastating and possibly unrequited crush on a close friend (assumptions)

hasnt everyone at some point??? lol

but ACTUALLY this reminded me that i do have a REALLY FUNNY STORY that kind of relates to PPU

in high school my best friend and i (still best friends to this day) had MASSIVE crushes on each other. like absolutely massive and all-encompassing crushes on each other at the same time. but we were OBLIVIOUS TO IT despite being so obvious and we kept telling ourselves "nah, she doesn't like me back." she was my gay awakening ok. we would walk around school, HOLDING HANDS, and tell everyone we were dating for shits and giggles just to see people's reactions, which was so funny to us! because both of us knew that we weren't dating, we were just friends! haha, so funny! so silly! we would jokingly refer to each other as our girlfriend Just For The Laughs. we sat together on the bus every day, spent all our time at school together when not in class, had sleepovers weekly SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED, but yet we were still like :) no :) she doesn't like me back :) and then on one of my birthdays she kissed me.

as friends.

because i had never been kissed before.

but dont worry, it was a platonic kiss! just a friend thing. a friendly kiss to show a friend what kissing is like! haha, no feelings involved at all!

anyway. we never actually dated. eventually the crushes faded. we only talked about it years later and oh my god our minds were BLOWN when we found out we had mutual crushes on each other. at the point we had finally discussed it though, the both of us were in relationships with other people so like. IT NEVER WENT ANYWHERE. but still to this day sometimes we talk about it and we're like lol. wasnt that crazy

these days i could NEVER see myself dating her because we're just best friends and that's all really. plus she's engaged and that crush was like ten years ago now anyway. nowadays it'd be like dating my sister ksdfkasdf which is WILD to think about. like it would just be so weird to me now. we will always be Perfectly Platonic

give me an extremely specific assumption you have about me based off of my fanfic

#ash answers #Anonymous

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uglypastels · 2 years

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hii, so if you are taking requests i can’t take this idea out of my mind:

what about eddie x fem!reader having sex in the shower? i haven’t seen that; also maybe wayne kinda like discovers them (? or something like that lol,, but most important: eddie and the reader having fun in the shower ^^

hope u are having a lovely day <3 and thank you if u take the request 💖

i changed it up a little, didn't want to involve wayne, poor guy's life is hard as it is, i feel like haha. but i hope you still enjoy it!! also, who ever gets my reference for this scene deserves a veterans medal <;3

warnings: not proofread (soz, my internet is too crap to deal with that). cursing, mention of home invasion (but its all comedy, really). parents.

EXPLICIT! 18+ MINORS DNI - sex, shower sex, unintentionally getting caught, so semi public sex. hickeys. I think thats it but always let me know if i need me to add a warning :)

masterlist // taglist // inbox

'I thought they would never leave,' Eddie walked through your threshold, immediately cupping your face in his hands and kissing you passionately. You stumbled back, almost bumping into the vase that was standing on the small table near you.

Easy to say, Eddie had been looking forward to your parents leaving for their small holiday for a long time. Ever since you had told him that they would leave you alone for an entire weekend, he had been counting down the days.

For some unexplainable reason, your parents were not the biggest fan of Eddie, so the times you could see each other were limited. It would always include sneaking around and curfews and you making your other friends cover for you.

But now, the fridge was filled, there was a pile of freshly rented movies at the foot of the tv and Eddie's van was parked just a corner behind the house (so the neighbours wouldn't have anything to talk about later.) You had two and a half days of complete freedom and Eddie was planning on taking advantage of every second. He had waited exactly five minutes after your family car got out of the driveway before he knocked on your door. And that's how you ended up in his arms, being carried over to the couch.

'Well, we have the whole house to ourselves,' you said when you separated your lips for a breath of fresh air, 'what would you like to do?'

'You?' he said, his lips already back on yours and pulling lightly into a smirk.

'I asked you first.' You argued, but Eddie just started chuckling. His hands were all over you, moving up from your hips back up, digging under the hem of your shirt.

'And I answered you, silly.'

'Oh,' you looked up at him with wide eyes.

'Oh,' he mocked you lightheartedly before grabbing onto your thighs to pull you up a bit more, 'c'mere.' The word pushed through his teeth. He helped you get comfortable on his lap, lips never further than an inch away from your skin. He had waited for so long to finally have you all to himself and now that the moment had come, he couldn't get enough.

'Wait, Eddie,' you mumbled as he had already started unbuttoning your shirt. At the sound of your voice, however, he halted and looked you in the eyes, worry written over the furrow in his brows.

'What's wrong?

'Nothing, just…' you bit your lip, 'you want to do it here?'

'It's not like anyone will walk in on us, princess,' he was already kissing your neck again, not caring at how sloppy of a job he was doing. He had no patience to go about it precisely. 'We got the entire castle to ourselves.' His voice hushed, his mouth leaving sloppy kisses between words, which left shivers down your spine. 'I got you all to myself… don't I?'

'Yes,' you gasped lightly as his teeth grazed that sensitive spot behind your ear.

Clothes were quickly discarded and soon Eddie had you screaming his name. Yet a new moment to add to the many times you couldn't get enough of each other. Eddie knew exactly how to make you feel good, you could only hope you did the same for him (although, from his moans, you could safely assume so).

Neither of you were sure how much time had passed when Eddie finally pulled out of you, and let his body slip into the dip of the sofa, sinking into the soft plush. His chest was heavily moving up and down as he tried to catch his breath, you needed a moment to open your eyes, still feeling dizzy from your orgasm. You were just far apart for your pinkies to interlock tightly at the centre of the couch. A minute or so passed before you sat up straight, hand on the back of your neck, rubbing it a bit.

'Everything ok?' Eddie asked, eyes roaming all over you, taking in every inch of his favourite being on the planet.

'Yeah, I'm just going to take a shower, I think.' You got up, legs shaky.

'I'll join you,' Eddie got up with you, an action aided by the fact you were still holding hands and you had practically just pulled him along.

'No, I'm already tired,' you smiled. He had really just gone full out on you. With having to have waited for so long, and now finally be able to spoil you rotten with his love, he would not dare waste a second, and that is exactly what he told you:

'We got…' he checked his watch, 'exactly 62 hours left before we have to get to school on Monday and then after that you're parents will be home so I intend on using up every single second I get to spend with you.'

'I don't think that math adds up,' you had to change the topic for the sake of your own heart, as it was speeding up by the minute, especially when Eddie pulled your naked bodies together in a warm embrace.

'Please,' he whined, practically. Evidently, your attempts had gone down poorly, 'let me just fuck you in the shower, baby,' and next thing you know, you were climbing up the stairs, giggling as Eddie was latching his hands onto any part of you he managed to grab. You led the way to the bathroom and did your best to start the shower as Eddie had already started sucking a beautiful hickey onto your neck. The man couldn't help himself, you had deprived him of your body for days. It didn't matter that he had just been able to release most of that lust for you moments before, he needed all of you, all the time.

'Jesus,' he hissed as the hot water touched him, but you ignored it. He had been the one wanting to join you, so he didn't get to complain about the temperature of the water. But it was only a short adjustment before he pressed you against the cold tiled wall, pulling your leg up over his middle, holding you tightly. The hot water poured over you, hot yet refreshing and you just watched the droplets of water fall over Eddie's body as he filled you.

'Oh, fuck,' the angle at which you were positioned helped him slide ride to the deepest part of you, and he didn't even bother letting you adjust. He needed you, and you were just so wet, and not just from the water spilling down on you.

The kisses you shared were sloppy, more like hungry attempts at catching more of the other's essence, seeking the deeper connection between your bodies. And it didn't take long for you to feel like you were going to cum again.

'That's it baby, keep it coming,' Eddie pushed some hair out of his face, needing to see the pleasure escape your face as you were ready to unwrap before him. 'You look so fucking pretty like this.'

'Not half as pretty as you,' you tried to laugh, the water falling on your face making it a bit harder.

That's when you heard, and it made your entire body freeze in fear. Your eyes locked with Eddie, who was most likely just pushing aside his own shock for your sake. His hips halted, locking you into his arms in a tight embrace. 'Shh.' You both listened as the front door opened.

'y/n!' a voice shouted from downstairs.

'It's my mom,' you whispered to him, somehow even more scared than at the prospects of a home invasion. Eddie nudged you on to respond, so you shouted.

'I'm upstairs!' And then you could hear your mom walk up the stairs.

'Your father forgot his medicine, can you beleive it,' your mom said, nearing the bathroom, 'are you in there?'

'Uhm,' you pulled the shower curtain as close to the walls as possible, pushing Eddie as far away from it as you could. 'Yeah, just taking a shower!'

'I'll be out of there in a minute, just need to grab the medicine bag.' You had indeed seen the little bag at the edge of the sink. As your mom opened the door, Eddie was clearly feeling restless, letting his hands wander over your sides, which you slapped away. You couldn't be sure if he actually wanted to say something, but just the threat of him opening his mouth was enough for you to cover it with your hand. With his lips under your fingers, you couldn't see the smirk he was giving you, but his eyes were spitting all his evil thoughts out to you. You could hear footsteps shuffling just a few feet away from you, behind the shower curtain, and it didn't stop Eddie from kissing your hand and slowly moving his tongue between the gaps of your fingers.

He was putting images into your mind, things you did not want to think of then and the compromising position in which you were standing was not helping you in any way either.

'Got it!'

'Ok, great. Can you get out now!' you shouted back at your mom.

'Calm down, I'm already going.' She huffed, shutting the door behind her. Your chest freed up from the breath you were holding, shoulders relaxing. The smile on Eddie's face was the biggest you had ever seen. He had been enjoying this way too much.

'Not cool,' you poked him in the chest. 'That was so embarrassing.'

'What are you talking about, she had no clue.' He whispered along with you, still grinning, ready to continue where he had left of before the rude interruption. And you would have let him, the kiss you shared was already a gateway to what could have been hours of endless fun. But another shout stopped all of that and anything else Eddie had in mind for the weekend.

'y/n!' your mother's voice sounded as confused as it was angry, from the distance of it, it sounded like she must have been in the living room, 'who's clothes are this!'

You and Eddie stared at each other, a silent second passed, then both of you just said:

'Shit.'

Easy to say, you never let Eddie Munson join you in the shower again… at least not at your place.

Leave a review behind!

thank you for reading!!

Taglist (linked on top)

@spiderrrling @theglitterymess @dorianelizabeth @theletterhart @niyahwhoreworld @chatnoirfanclub1624 @fopdoodle1624 @pastel-abyss-x @ghoulsgraveyard @lovesickollie @xbreezymeadowsx @ssanjuniperoo @nxrdamp @meaganjm @mischiefmanagers @roseyykris @capybergara @brother-lauren @h0sh1verse @ghostlyreads @croweaterr @ladyapplejackdnd @bilesxbilinskixlahey @kbakery @sleeping-willow @lizzylynch1 @liltimmyst @hellfire-state-of-mind @escape-in-time-x @sweetpeapod @the-a-word-2214 @eddiemunsonbby @wh0re4munson @eddiesdingus @zoeyquinn94 @munsonmunchies @overthewhiteclouds @wroteclassicaly @groupies-do-it-better

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson request #eddie munson #fanfiction #smut #fanfic #imagine #fic #stranger things smut #stranger things fanfiction

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maskyish · 5 months

Text

Re:vale LIVE 2023 WINTER FESTIVAL!! - 2nd Intermission Talk (Part 2)

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

Please note: I am NOT a professional and my level of JP is very, very basic. I do this for practice and to share with other fans for fun. Please take my translations with a grain of salt as there may be mistakes. If you see any, please let me know and I can correct them. If anyone else has this card and wants to translate this at any time then please feel free to do so!

Momo: That was “t(w)o…”, “Kiseki”, and “Eiensei Riron”!

Momo: How was it, everyone?

Audience: Kyaaaaa!

Yuki: Everyone’s excitement also warmed us up. Thank you.

Momo: Yeah, yeah! It got as piping hot as the ozoni (1) Yuki made for the New Year!

Yuki: You were even like “It’s hot!” Didn’t your tongue get burnt from it?

Momo: I was totally fine! It was super delicious! And eating ozoni made by Yuki while getting to stare at his face……… It was the best way I could’ve ever started the New Year!

Yuki: But wasn’t that the only thing that felt like New Year’s? Personally, I wanted to relish in the New Year feeling a bit more.

Momo: Ahaha! It really did go by in a flash, huh!

Momo: Work was fulfilling, but I still wanted to enjoy even more things with Yuki, like seeing the first sunrise of the new year, going to the first shrine visit, and flying a kite!

Yuki: So active…..

Momo: It’s the first events of the New Year! We have to psyche ourselves up!

Yuki: I’d just like to relax under a kotatsu and eat mandarins with you, Momo.

Yuki: Isn’t it a luxury to be able to spend time together, just the two of us, without worrying about being in the public eye?

Momo: Uwahh….. W-well, I don’t want to give that up either….

Momo: Then, let’s start thinking now about how we want to spend next year together so we can both enjoy it to the fullest!

Yuki: To the fullest, huh…… For example?

Momo: Well, something like the first shrine visit? I haven’t really been able to do it recently.

Momo: Wouldn’t it be fun to go out and countdown to the New Year, and then head straight over afterwards?

Momo: Going to a shrine late at night has a unique ambience to it, plus getting to drink amazake (2) and enjoy the food stalls has a special and exciting feeling to it, too!

Yuki: If only it wasn’t so cold and crowded.

Momo: Hahaha! I figured you’d say that!

Yuki: Well, seeing you having fun would be cute so I’ll think about it.

Momo: Yuki……! I’ll be sure to prepare a lot of body warmers and other countermeasures to fight the cold!

Momo: What’s your ideal New Year’s like, Yuki?

Yuki: Watch and I’ll recreate it right now.

Yuki: …………

Momo: Is it perhaps…. sleeping?

Yuki: That’s right.

Momo: You suddenly closed your eyes and I wondered what happened….?! Before I knew it there was a fan service shot! Let me prepare my heart!

Momo: Nobody was ready for it, right?!

Yuki: Then, one more time….

Audience: Kyaaaaaa!

Momo: Haha! I’m ultra lucky to be able to see Yuki’s sleeping face twice!!

Yuki: ….. When I closed my eyes I actually got a bit sleepy.

Momo: EHhh?!

Yuki: Fufu. Kidding.

Yuki: On that note, it’s about time for our next song.

Momo: Yeah! There’s still more of the show! We’ll make it so exciting that it will blow away all the sleepiness!

Momo: “Re-raise”!

~End of Part 2.~

TL Notes:

Ozoni is also referred to as “New Year mochi soup” and is often made with broth, vegetables, and mochi (rice cakes).

Amazake is a sweet traditional drink in Japan made from rice. There are both alcoholic and non-alcoholic versions of it.

#idolish7 translation #i7 #idolish7 #re:vale #revale yuki #revale momo

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zhongrin · 8 days

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Miss Rin, I'm really curious to know about 'Y'!!

(This is about your previous ask!)

Take care and rest well, Miss Rin!!!

selfship a-z ask game ->

miss naya!!! i hope your weekend has been great so far!!! take care and stay safe ᰔᩚ

cw. lil yandere blurb in al haitham's, but can be skipped

this got long so i put it under a readmore hskdjskdj

Y - Yes who would propose? What would the proposal be like?

𝔃𝓱𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓵𝓲 ᡣ𐭩 zhongli proposes. it's a different setup every time ー different sceneries, different places, different flowers... but it's always with the same ring ー though with an additional engraving on the lustrous surface ー and the same question at the end.

"in this lifetime as well, will you marry me?" how could i not say yes???

ⲇⳑ ⲏⲇⳕτⲏⲇϻ ᡣ𐭩 al haitham proposes, but technically speaking i was the one who raised the idea first (he never really thought about it because it already feels like we're a little family lmao). he has the idea of getting a custom-made ring, but then he remembers his grandmother's jewelry box he inherited, stowed deep inside his drawer, and when he saw a particular ring that she used to wear, it just. clicks. in the yandere!au he cuts that jewel in his chest in half and replaces the original stone with that, isn't he romantic- /bonked

proposes to me the next day while we're having our usual dinner like "from my observations, i believe we are ready to legally bind ourselves to each other and take advantage of the various conveniences by existing with the same last name under the title 'husband and wife'. should i take yours or would you rather take mine?"

extra: kaveh knows since al haitham told him to spend the night elsewhere, and he will forever be mad that al haitham didn't get down to his knees, "but that's the bare minimum!!!" he says, seething and pulling on his hair after i told him the whole story lmao.

𝔴𝔯𝔦𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔰𝔩𝔢𝔶 ᡣ𐭩 wriothesley proposes. but it's a group effort by sigewinne ("it's high time that 'duchess' nickname becomes an official title!" she says as she hauls yet another pile of 'how to plan a wedding proposal' references onto his desk), clorinde (is the one who told him firmly that no, eloping isn't 'romantic these days'. bless her.), navia (overheard via clorinde and got extremely worried when she heard what they were planning to do, so she decided to help), and even neuvillette (he's gotten to know of a few people from the trials and such).

we'd have a staycation at hotel debord, and everything was going well... but in the end, although he's planned a whole elaborate speech and planned to go down one knee and everything, he ended up blurting out:

"i wish i can come home to you and spend my time with you like this every day." "haha, that kinda sounds like a proposal, wriothesley." ".... fuck............. uh. well... what if it is?"

#rin answers #rin is having tea with: naya 🩶#rin selfships #zhongrin #meitham #wrin

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battle-of-alberta · 8 months

Text

Hi and welcome to this thing that's sort of a prequel to the timeline I'm working on. The working title is Alberta Story, but as you can see I kind of changed directions midway through as I thought about it more, I figured if I was getting frustrated then surely Ed was also getting frustrated with it so I turned it over to him to express that, haha. I wrote the first half of this last fall and stewed on it for about a year and decided, screw it, I don't know where I'm going with this but I will slap on a few more panels and figure it out as I go.

This might be the closest thing to a reboot of the BoAB main storyline for a while. I wanted to do something that gave a cursory outline of Canadian / Albertan history for people who are new to it, but of course it runs the risk of repeating every narrative Canada / Alberta have about themselves and that's quite frustrating, to be honest! Particularly when you are trying to write characters who lived through a great chunk of it.

I was trying to think about where to "start" the story of Alberta, particularly after reading Mavericks: An Incorrigible History of Alberta. A lot of the tongue in cheek ahistorical assigning of Albertan-ness to even protozoic life rubbed me the wrong way even though I found it an interesting narrative, so I wanted to illustrate the difficulty of "beginning".

Additionally: I really find it frustrating in the Hetalia fandom when people kind of take Himaruya's approach and suggest the colonized personifications almost predate colonization somehow, like they were "always there", or the approach that they are direct descendants of some ambiguous ancestral "Native America" that mysteriously no longer exists. At the same time, I sort of understand how it also happens with the narratives we construct ourselves, in textbooks and museums, that have long illustrated "pre-history" (Indigenous history) as opposed to "history" (the "Real" history of Euro-Canadians). It's a cultural underpinning that needs to be undone.

I don't make any ambitious claims to produce real, decolonizing work, I realize there's this big gap in this universe I'm building that acknowledges municipal personifications and only vaguely gestures at the idea of others and there's a myriad of issues with that, but it's a place that I as a euro-canadian myself am starting with and I hope to continue learning and growing from here.

"Here" is summed up as: isn't it crazy that a company that was just gifted 1/12th of the surface of the Earth not only predates the idea of this country and its cities but also still exists and is just a place you end up in at the mall now?

More detailed explanation of each panel follows.

Diver's Claw: Several stories in different First Nations cosmologies reference the Creator or another figure making a flood that covered the whole earth, where a survivor (Wisakedjek in Cree/Ojibwe stories, Na'pi in Blackfoot, etc) sends down a succession of animals to the bottom of the waters to retrieve a piece of the old earth, which they can then use to create anew.

Mounds of Earth: When the Northwest Mounted Police were sent out west from Canada after purchasing the territories (including Alberta) from the Hudson's Bay Company in 1870, they marked the border along what would become the 49th parallel between Canada and the United States with piles of dirt.

Descent from the Stars: This is supposed to be a depiction of Manitou Asiniy, also known as the Manitou Stone or Creator's Stone, a meteorite that has spiritual significance to many Indigenous peoples. As I write this, he (as a sacred being, he is referred to with these pronouns) is currently in the custody of the Royal Alberta Museum which has recently agreed to return him to the site where he was originally taken from near Hardisty in 1866. Currently, the gallery is open for worship and ceremony until it is time to repatriate him.

Bodies liquified in coral: this is NOT a scientific illustration, haha. The idea is that a lot of Albertan identity comes from about 400 million years ago in the Devonian period. At the time, a big chunk of "Alberta" was covered by ocean. The organisms lived, died, and over time became crushed by sediment layered over them. Coral has a lot of holes perfect for holding this sludge and fossilizes nicely here, and it is this layer of Earth's long history that speculators are looking for when drilling for oil.

Lips to a book: Alberta joined Confederation on September 1st, 1905, which our last premier tried to commemorate with a holiday that no one showed up to. Back at the turn of the century however, it was a massive party attended by Prime Minister Wilfrid Laurier and the Governor General, a position in Canadian parliament that represents the King or Queen of England. Govenor General Grey (his grandpa was the Earl Grey the tea was named for, I believe) was the one who kissed the bible at this inauguration.

Prince: The prince here is Prince Rupert, who Rupert's Land was named for, and the king in question is Charles II of England (yes, the Restoration and Great Fire of London party guy from the Stuart era). Rupert's Land centred on Hudson's Bay and made up over 40% of what is now considered Canada. The Hudson's Bay Company was granted the charter to all this territory - if they found the Northwest Passage while they were at the business of acquiring beaver or otter pelts, it was certainly a bonus.

The rest is fairly self explanatory, I hope. Like I said, I felt like I was falling into the trap of the same old story of pioneers and exploration that has been absolutely done to death in Canadian history, and I didn't have anything particularly new to say about it that would maintain this storybook level of accessibility so I just. Stopped! Shifted gears! haha. Still, I think the fur trade is a very important piece to the puzzle that often gets either a bit overhyped or glossed over in favour of railroads in Canadian history and almost entirely ignored and forgotten in American history, and it makes sense to start there, particularly for Ed who has a lot of Complicated Feelings about it.

Enjoy! Maybe one day I will figure out part two.

#historical hetalia #hetalia oc #hws oc #aph oc #projectcanada cities #pc: edmonton #hapo art #digital art #clip studio paint #edward murphy #i wanted to have this comic take place at city center #BUT THE BAY IS GONE!!!!!!#so southgate it is i suppose #since it is close by a certain trail to a certain other city

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