#'see you later!' I AM GOING TO PHYSICALLY PUNCH A WALL
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fuck asagiri kafka. all my homies hate asagiri 'child bomb' kafka
#yes this is about#bsd#WHY WOULD HE DO THAT#AYA#AYA NO STOP#'see you later!' I AM GOING TO PHYSICALLY PUNCH A WALL#AS OPPOSED TO MENTALLY KICKING ONE#FUCK#bsd spoilers#bsd manga spoilers#bungou stray dogs#bsd chapter 110#me speaks
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I have nothing to post today bc I've been incredibly busy so I am reposting headcanons I posted a while ago. Mutual who will likely see this shhh. Also this is going to be a LONG post so buckle up
- Foolish and Bad are both minor deities from seperate sides of life. Foolish is a god of life and living, while Bad is a minor trickster god that wriggled his way into a grim reaper position on the weekends. In a way, they're enemies, but one can't exist without the other.
- The Cucuruchos (aka 'Smile Bots') are robots. However, they don't hold a collective consciousness, meaning you theoretically could make friends with one of them, while another barely knows who you are.
- The Cucuruchos don't write in books, they print a piece of paper from their mouths. Adding on to that, their mouths never move, though they can blink and look around, which makes them have an unsettling nature to them like animatronics. The Federation is constantly making changes to make them seem more friendly.
- The winged people (ex. Phil and Jaiden) that have been on the island for long enough have noticed their feathers growing back after being clipped, leaving them hopeful for a chance out, but before they ever grow back enough, they wake up to them clipped all over again. I believe this affects Phil the most, especially the first time it happened. He went as far as to hide his wings when he first saw them growing back, just in case the Federation wouldn't notice, and when he saw them clipped again he was distraught. He was furious. He punched a hole in his wall. Think of him yelling at QSMP when the eggs came back with cracks, like that. How dare they clip his wings? How'd they get in his house? This could have been a chance to escape the island with his family. But it was gone. He still hurts every time it happens after that, but it's not as bad as the first time.
Jaiden is more sad and humiliated. Whenever this happens, Roier understands that she needs to be alone, and takes care of Bobby for the day. Later that night, Bobby finds her in her room and crawls into her lap, telling her about his day while Roier makes dinner downstairs. Now that Bobby's gone, it's harder, but often times they both just lay together in Bobby's old bedroom, comforting each other with just their presence.
- Fit smoked cigars before he got Ramon. Spreen didn't really give a shit, but when Ramon started teething he found one and tried to chew on them, so Fit threw them out. Now he just stocks up steroids
- With the tickets, each pairing was given something to connect them to their partners. Colored bracelets, necklaces, earrings, patches, anything. They give off different signals- when the partner wakes up, is injured/downed, and gives off a ping to locate the other. That is, of course, if they wear them. Bads link pings, and he follows it, but no matter how far he goes, he never gets any closer. His match is out there, somewhere, he knows that someone is wearing his link. Quackity, though, isn't so lucky. His pinged at first, but it quickly died out, and he spent weeks searching. He refused to believe he didn't have a match. But, well..
When Slime first left for exile, he tried smashing his link, but it didn't work, so he just buried it. Mariana tried for days to try and get it to ping again, but Slime was gone, and since he wasn't wearing his link, he couldn't find him.
- Tallulah and Richarlyson both have physical conditions! One of Richarlysons legs is underdeveloped, he has a congenital LLD. As soon as they realized, Pac and Mike set to work making all kinds of assistance devices and treatments for him. From shoe lifts to canes to crutches, they made sure Richarlyson had whatever options he wanted depending on how he's feeling. Sometimes he just prefers being carried bc he's eepy. A lot of people see him as having an amputated leg as well! Same deal for whatever u headcanon
Talluluh has hyperacusis and type 1 narcolepsy. She's sensitive to most sounds, so Wilbur and Phil got her ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones, of course decorated, to help her. Though they don't have access to the proper medication to help her manage symptoms of narcolepsy, they found ways around it. Her beanie is padded and snaps on under her chin, protecting her head if she ever collapsed (think seizure helmets!). They work on identifying triggers and symptoms, and at times she'd prefer to be carried or use a wheelchair. Anyways I'm physically disabled and just projecting a bit 💀
#qsmp#qsmp headcanons#qsmp headcanon#qsmp foolish#qsmp eggs#qsmp badboyhalo#qsmp richarlyson#bobby qsmp#qsmp cucurucho#qsmp bobby#landduo#qsmp el mariana#qsmp fitmc#qsmp charlie#charlie qsmp#talluluh qsmp#quackity qsmp#jaiden qsmp#roier qsmp#qsmp philza#qsmp roier#qsmp jaiden#quackity smp#phil qsmp#philza qsmp#qsmp census bureau#osito bimbo qsmp#qsmp mariana#fitmc#foolish qsmp
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!!Twst Incorrect quotes!!
Except I throw mine and @simping-myjob's yuusona in the mix
(warning: long post)
☁☁☁
Lilian: Sora... How do I begin to explain Sora?
Lilia: Sora is flawless
Malleus: I hear her hair's insured for 10 000 thaumarks.
Silver: I hear he does blastcycle commercials... In the scalding sands.
Sebek: One time they punched me in the face... It was awesome.
☁☁☁
Sebek: Nothing is free.
Lilian: Love is free!
Lilia: Adventure is free.
Malleus: Knowledge is free.
Sora: Everything is free if you take it without paying.
☁☁☁
Silver: What does 'take out' mean?
Lilia: Food.
Lilian: Dating
Sora: Murder.
Sebek: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD!!
☁☁☁
Malleus: Goodbye, Child of a Man. Goodbye, Sora. Goodbye, Lilia. Goodbye, Silver. Goodbye, Child of a Man.
Lilia: You said 'Goobye, Child of a Man' twice.
Malleus: I like Child of a Man.
☁☁☁
*When Lilian arrives to Twisted wonderland for the first time*
Lilian: Well, aren't you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you're out to save the world! Sora: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.
Ace: more or less, i guess
kalim:that sounds awesome! let's do that!
Jack: I'm new here, but I am open to the concept.
Deuce: I thought that's what we were doing, guys, come on!
☁☁☁
*Lilian walks into the ramshackle.*
Lilian: Hello, people who do not live here.
Sebek: hey
Silver: hi
Malleus: Hello
Lilia: Hey!
Lilian: I gave you the key for emergencies only!
Sora: They were out of doritoes.
☁☁☁
Lilian: what's something you guys are better than Malleus at?
Sora: Mario kart
Lilia: video games, yeah
Silver: emotional vulnerability.
☁☁☁
Silver: Good responses to getting stabbed with a knife?
Lilian: Rude
Sora: that's fair
Lilia: not again.
Malleus: are you going to want this back?
☁☁☁
Lilian: You wanna see how hardcore I am?
Lilian: *punches wall*
Lilian: ...
Lilian: take me to the hospital
☁☁☁
Lilian: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety so...
☁☁☁
Sora: Okay okay, stop asking me if i'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a THREAT.
☁☁☁
Silver: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
☁☁☁
Silver: physically, yes, i could fight a bird. But emotionally? imagine the toll.
☁☁☁
Lilian: goodnight moon
Lilian: goodnight tree
Lilian: *looks at the mouse silhouette in the mirror* goodnight ghost that only I can see
☁☁☁
Lilian: I've already sent good vibes your way... they're coming. there's nothing you can do to stop them.
Sora: this is the most threatening way i've been cheered up.
☁☁☁
Sora: I have so much energy, I want to run a marathon or commit a crime... which should I do?
Lilian: Please don’t get arrested.
Sora: No promises! <3
Lilia: Why not both? Get creative!
Sora: Wonderful suggestion, thank you.
Lilian: Please don’t encourage them.
☁☁☁
Lilian: Please, Sora, after everything we’ve been through together. You can’t do this.
Sora: I’m sorry Lilian.
Lilian: I’m begging you. Don’t do it.
Sora: It has to be done.
Lilian:
Sora:
Lilian:
Sora: *Places +4* Uno.
☁☁☁
Sora, wearing shades: Rule one of destroying the world.
Sora: *does finger guns* You gotta look good while doing it.
☁☁☁
Malleus: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched?
Lilia: IT.
Sora: Annabelle.
Silver: Paranormal Activity.
Lilian: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the words.
☁☁☁
#twisted wonderland#twst incorrect quotes#incorrect quotes#malleus draconia#silver vanrouge#twst silver#lilia vanrouge#sebek zigvolt#twst oc#twst mc#twst yuusona#yuusona#mallilian#lilian#sora vanrouge
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Not just my friend
For @romanthereigns
Pairing: Stephanie McMahon x Fem reader
Description: You and Steph get together after she breaks up with Hunter and you get cheated on by your ex boyfriend Chris Jericho
Gif credits to @machobusta
Mentions of sexual harassment, brief homophobia, and physical assault
You felt stupid and sad finding out that your boyfriend Chris cheated on you as you sit in the hall after hiding in your locker room until Chyna knocks on your door for your match against Ivory. A groan slips past your lips after your one on two match against ivory with chyna "I'm done Hunter! I can't do this anymore" you turn your head towards the yelling seeing an upset Stephanie walking away from an angry and slightly stunned Triple H stopping her as she walks by a smirking Jacqueline giving her a glare before you pull steph to a corner of backstage away from everyone else "I know it doesn't feel nice but you deserve better and he's a dick" she chuckles before the two of you walk to your locker room sharing a few jokes while watching the rest of Raw going quiet when chris stands in the doorway of your locker room feeling your mind begin to dive into rage and anger swinging back and punch him making him fly out of the room when he goes in front of you after grabbing your arm hearing laughter outside looking out in the hall to see Christian, Edge, Test, and chyna "Nice swing girly" you burst into a quiet laugh and a grin at the comment from edge as steph places a hand on your shoulder suddenly feeling your heart race in your chest. The next thing you knew was hunter roughly pushing you out of the way into the concrete wall feeling a crack in your nose leading to the APA suddenly throwing him into a table as steph stands with you after her and test quickly lead you to the medical room luckily your nose wasn't broken but that night was the start of months of sexual harassment by hunter for your now known attraction to women after finding a letter the Kat wrote to you since the two of you had a fling before you got with chris, attacks and slight stalking from chris, and your blossoming feelings for steph which no one knew of until you finally break down to edge, test, and apa who helped you when hunter and chris attacked you in the parking lot and tried to take you but luckily edge and Bradshaw jumped in when they heard your terrified scream and cries of fear being joined a second later by Farooq and test who take you to their locker room where you poured out everything that was held in not knowing that steph hears everything outside or test looking to see steph slightly peeking behind the corner of the doorway walking out after sharing hugs with the men and thanking them before walking to your locker room and going to ask the boys to walk you to your car only to see steph waiting for you sharing a hug before quickly running to your car. The two of you drive down to an abandoned greenhouse where you would hide out away from everyone walking around with steph behind you looking in awe of all the flowers that were growing and ones that already bloomed seeing you sit between two big pots of sunflowers smiling when she sits beside you "This is where I get away from everything not only because no one knows about it or where it is also because it makes me feel safe and free but you being here makes it feel more like another home" she smiles before you leaned it kissing her sweetly pulling away in horror as she stares a bit dazed "I see more...not just my friend but someone who loves me for who I am and doesn't make me feel alone" she pulls you into a tender kiss pulling away as the sun shines on the two of you leading to the two of you going back to the arena standing up to jericho and hunter in the ring with the apa behind you feeling the stress melt out of you after getting everything you wanted to say out being surprised in steph pulls you in for a quick kiss but smiling and laughing at the action before giving the signal of the bird to the two men leading a beatdown by apa before the crowd was cheering for the two of you chanting "Power couple".
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Resident Evil: Merchant x Leon
Part 2! Another thanks to @x4ver1a look out for the final part!
18+ 🔞 MDNI
Just as Leon had promised himself, he ended up taking a day of rest with Chinese takeout and the brilliant work of Dan O’ Bannon. His jeans were getting on his nerves, so he ditched them before settling into a cozy blanket. The film “Alien” had been a bit nostalgic for him since it was his favorite movie to watch after school as a teenager. The xenomorphs, that chest burst sequence, and Ripley’s tiny undies were his way out of using a Playboy magazine for personal matters. And it was all made better with his meal. Sometimes, sacred slug snackies were better than a random hookup. Sloppy lo mein and sticky orange chicken drenched in sweet and sour was far sexier.
He sat back against the couch cushions, enjoying every bite of that cheap Chinese. Finally, a moment of silence after the chaos that brought him nightmares every night. Instead of cooking rats and snacking on bugs on that island, he could have something that wasn’t entirely trash. Who am I kidding, Leon rolled his eyes, this is trash, but it was good trash.
Ripley had just made her way on screen when a noodle slapped him on the side of his face. “Fight me, bitch.”
Sadly it had lost to the strength of Leon’s bite force. It was outmatched, quite unfairly. However, it didn’t stop his reign of tyranny over those greasy noodles. Small, useless thoughts filled his head the more he ate. What did Ashley eat when she got home? Probably some kind of prime rib, or McDonalds’s. Who knew? With another morsel of chicken crunched into his mouth, Leon stopped chewing: what would Merchant have eaten?
There was a pause.
Who’s to say he needed any food? He could have been there for the longest time and had stolen things to eat from the cult. The very image of that man brought nausea to Leon’s stomach. Who knew if the bastard was alive or dead, fed or starving, rich or poor? The hunger had left Leon’s belly, so he put the white box of food in the fridge for later. He hated cold Chinese, but when it was midnight and he couldn’t sleep, it was a comfort. All of his internal debates were still bringing up the idea of who Merchant was; where he was.
“Maybe he has some kind of trigger point. If he’s selling weapons to people who need them right as they need it,” Leon looked at his gun case hidden between a bookshelf and the wall, “then maybe I should raise some hell and ditch the ammo this time.”
Leon considered his experiment for all of five seconds before he acted on it. Soon, he was brushing his teeth and putting his jeans back on to go out. He planned to attend a strip club where pretty girls went to make bank off sleazy men who loved the thrill. Leon would have a few drinks, spoil his favorite dancer, then start trouble. I’m an idiot, echoed in his head.
“But I gotta see you, Merchant. I just have to.”
~*~
A punch to the face, various kicks to the gut, and Leon found himself being thrown over a small bridge and into a nearby river. Back tracking through previous events, the man had caused a fight when two idiots who were getting physical with his favorite girl. Next thing he knew, he was floating downstream, leaving blood pooling behind him. Those men were bigger than him, carried weapons with bullets and sharpened knives. Who was he kidding? He let them bully him until he was in enough trouble to go searching for his target.
If only he had brought ammunition,
if only he wasn’t such a sensitive man when it came to saving innocents...
if only he hadn’t wanted to see Merchant so badly.
Up ahead, there was a small waterfall. The rapids were roaring loudly and strong enough to pull him under the water. They would keep him there as soon as he dropped. Anyone else would be panicking, but for a moment, Leon wondered what kind of hell he would be leaving if the waters claimed his soul. No more pain, emotional trauma, the works. He would just disappear, drown.
What a dream, then he peered down where his feet were sliding towards the fall, nah, that’s a goddamn nightmare.
Soon, he began to struggle with the return of his senses. To his left, a tree limb was just barely out of reach. The water was quickening and so was his injured body. Every smaller branch he could grab had snapped. The echoes of the falls were growing louder, pulling him forward into his demise. Without thinking, Leon screamed for help, choking on the river water that was slowly suffocating him. Such a violent, foolish end to his miserable life. He hated himself for his decisions until he felt a tight grip around his wrist.
Color faded in and out of his vision. Shadows bled into the corners of his eyes until the figure came into view. By then, Leon had passed out, leaving himself to the stranger who was attempting to save his life.
#resident evil#resident evil 2#leon kennedy#leon x merchant#fanfiction#leon smut#18+#mdni#short series#creative writing#resident evil leon#resident evil remake
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Little details I love about Heartstopper.
Even in the text messages between Charlie and Ben, you can see that they literally only communicated when Ben tells him meet me in the library. When you see the texts between Charlie and Nick, you can see that the moments shown are surrounded by reams of conversation and banter about all kinds of stuff.
When they send 😊 in texts, it means they're lying. But ❤ is sincere. (AKA Isaac knew exactly what he was doing when he was "sick" and had to miss the film night.)
After Nick rescues Charlie from Ben in the music block, he says, "We should get out. We'll get locked in if we stay here much longer." And then later, Tara and Darcy getting locked in the music closet.
Every single lighting and color choice in the whole freaking show. But particularly the way there are rainbows on or around Nick's face after every single kiss.
The background signs. When Nick's looking after Charlie when he's going to meet Ben after rugby practice, there's a blue exclamation point on the wall behind him. In the parking lot outside the cinema, when Nick goes after Charlie, there's a big yellow sign that says Help Point. The posters in Elle's homeroom that have DNA and "Human Interaction" on them. In the cinema when Nick punches Harry, a poster for Superman on the wall.
All of Charlie's little smiles.
The way Nick puts his hands in his pockets when he's a little uncomfortable.
The parallelism of Charlie asking his friends, "what does it mean when Hot Straight Boy hugs you for like a full ten seconds," worded like a Google search, while Nick is alone in his room googling "am I gay?"
The way Nick hugs Charlie as if his life depends on it.
The way Nick protects Charlie with physical actions, fighting for him, while Charlie protects Nick with words, lying for him. But also the little gesture of giving him the umbrella after Nick asks him to keep it a secret. Just a little, "It's okay. I will keep you safe."
The symbolism of Charlie practicing tackling with the yellow dummies -- conquering himself.
#heartstopper#little details#nick nelson#charlie spring#tao xu#elle argent#isaac henderson#tara jones#darcy olsson
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Ignis Fatuus (Foolish Flame)
Chapter 4
Read here on AO3
Her visit with Mulder was a blur. He was irritable and tired. Mulder isn’t the type of person who is comfortable sitting still and resting. She knows this from his prolonged rehabilitation after taking a slug to the femoral artery during their first year working together. She had played a naive Clarice Starling to a psychopath and it had ended with Mulder nearly bleeding to death on a dock. She remembers that feeling of dread when she couldn’t assess his blood loss because it was pouring through the decking into the water below.
He had overextended himself today. Of that she is certain. It is a sobering thought. That a short walk to purchase some groceries is still too much for him in his current state. Open brain surgery is brutal requiring a six-week minimum recovery. That is when they know exactly what was done. The upside is there appeared to be minimal violence to his parietal bone considering he had endured an unscheduled craniotomy.
His vitals were normal. Blood pressure and pulse textbook but a little higher than normal for a man in his level of physical fitness. He tersely answered her uncomfortable questions. His breath sounds were normal. Her fears of a pulmonary embolism or massive infection were allayed.
It wasn’t until she removed his bandage that she began to worry again. Of course, this was itchy. He has the beginnings of a localized infection around his sutures. She had slammed her eyes closed worried that getting him to agree to another hospital visit would be nearly impossible.
When she opened her eyes he was watching her face intently.
“It looks like you have a small infection starting around your sutures. If this surgical site were anywhere else I would bring you oral antibiotics. I don’t want to take any chances with this. I think you need IV vancomycin.” She said in the calmest voice she could produce.
To his credit, he didn't argue but disappointment and frustration were written on his face. She would have been more comforted if he had lodged a campaign to avoid the hospital. It took a few minutes to get a fresh bandage applied and they were out the door, Mulder in sweats and a ripped Brooklyn Dodgers T-shirt. Her stomach is sour with worry.
_________________
It’s 2 am by the time she leaves him sleeping, doped to the gills with Benzos and fluids going into one arm and full-strength Vanco into the other. She is almost as punch drunk as he is having flown a badly routed connecting flight from Chicago less than 24 hours ago. She takes a moment to close her eyes, jolting awake when headlights fly past her in the Georgetown medical parking garage.
She urges herself into action and pulls her car out onto the empty streets of Georgetown pointing towards the Richmond suburbs yet again with a piece of Mulder’s bandage securely in her pocket.
_________________
She wakes up slowly on a thread-bare couch. She smells garlic and coffee and sees a sunbeam traveling from a high transom window to the wall above her. She stretches and sits up slowly. One of the gunmen has delivered her coffee and next to it sits a bakery bag bulging with bagels.
Thank god for these wonderful nerds
She is finishing adding cream to her coffee when she hears a quiet knock on the door a pause and then Byers sneaking a look around the door to see if she is awake.
“Oh hi, Agent Scully. I took a guess and toasted an everything bagel for you.” He says politely as he sets a plate down on the coffee table. He is already in a suit and she wonders if he slept in it or if it's just later in the morning than she had intended to rest. “Frohike is ready to talk with you in the lab.”
“Thank you.” She sighs trying to pull herself together a bit.
She meets Frohike in an alcove towards the back of their offices. She can see the rest of the space from where she sits. Byers has started to fidget with some hardware, glancing up at her every few minutes looking like an overgrown owl. She is fairly certain she can’t be heard from where they are.
Frohike wastes no time before launching into their reason for meeting.
“Anna Walsh… thought to be 35 years old. Her birthdate is listed as September 17th, 1965. Her fingerprints are on record in the state of Illinois as a requirement for employment working with kids. The earliest records I can find of her is that she passed a GED exam in 1984, after that I have a lot of work history. The state of Illinois Department of Revenue has two unclaimed paychecks on file totaling $367, one from an after-school coordinator job at the YMCA and the other from a bar in the Polish downtown area of Chicago. She has no arrest record that I can find; however, there are two incidents where she was detained briefly and released. I would guess that she was involved in some way with the guilty party in both cases, either riding in the car or sharing a living space. Both instances were drug-related.”
He pauses to see Scully’s reaction to that. Scully listens intently, sipping her coffee. Her expression is tight, mulling over each bit of detail Frohike supplies.
“She moves to the suburbs at some point. The first address tied to her that I can find is a small apartment near a mall in Naperville in 1989. The lease was in her name only. After that, I didn’t see any rental records until the past two years in Mount Carol where she cosigned on a house rental with a woman named Maya Williams who appears to have also been in foster care and is close to the same age as Anna.
When Frohike pauses she waits.
“That’s what I have. She doesn’t appear to have a driver's license. The DNA was difficult. My lab contact says that the sample is degraded. He hopes it will be enough to show a relationship but he isn’t confident.”
Scully stands and looks around. Byers seems to have found a task interesting enough to occupy him. Langly is sitting on the couch playing a video game with headphones on. It’s all so overwhelming, each tidbit of information swirling in her mind to create an image of who this woman is. It’s also quite underwhelming. This will not be definitive. There is so much more information she will need before going to Mulder.
She feels herself sag, the emotions of the past two days catching up with her. It must be evident on her face. Frohike looks apologetic and concerned.
“I hate to admit this but I would know a lot more if I could widen our circle a bit here. Langly could get into the adoption records. I fear that if I try I will send up a flag on our activity. Don't ever tell him that I said that.”
Scully chuffs a small laugh and reluctantly agrees. “Her juvenile files must be sealed,” She says.
“I believe it’s the case for all members of the foster care system in this state. Without any idea of how she came to be in Chicago and at what age we really can’t make any headway. We need to know how this happened to gauge whether she is safe.” He levels her with a serious look. “Let me bring Byers and Langly in to find her childhood records. I won't tell them your suspicions or the DNA tests.”
She thanks Byers for the bagel and takes what is left of her coffee with her into the early morning air. The circle is widening. The wider it gets before she talks to Mulder the more uncomfortable she gets.
_________________
When he wakes up she is there beside him, dozing in a chair with her head on the bed next to his hip. She has changed and showered. He can smell her fresh flowery shampoo. It seems that she has brought him coffee.
Despite his recent discontent with being infirm and dependent, Mulder feels better than he has in the two weeks since he last woke up in a hospital. The difference between waking up to her then versus now is heartening. She isn’t radiating fear for his life. He isn’t in any pain. This was only a precaution she had assured him. The doctors had been in at the crack of dawn to inform him that his blood tests looked good and that the antibiotics were doing their job.
She looks peaceful in her uncomfortable position just like the million times she's fallen asleep on planes, in cars on stakeouts… just like this waiting on him to wake up in the hospital. Her hand is slightly curved and he thinks she might have been holding his hand at some point. He marvels at how she manages to sleep anywhere as he starts in on the coffee she brought. It's from a cafe near her apartment that she knows he likes. It’s not fully cooled so he figures she must have gotten here recently. He squints at her watch. It’s already 9:30 in the morning.
A nurse bustles in and halts when she sees Scully asleep. She quietly goes about her tasks placing discharge paperwork on his table and removing his IVs. He holds his right arm over his body so she can take out both from one side of the bed. “I’ll come back for those papers after the neurologist comes and gives you your instructions. You should be able to leave within the hour.” She says in a hushed warm tone and leaves with a friendly smile.
He doesn’t want to wake her. He tries to remember the last time she has been at peace in his presence and struggles to do so. It must have been Vegas. By the time he had arrived, she had already roundly shamed the Lone Gunmen for luring her under false pretenses. She had been nursing a protracted but manageable medication-induced hangover and let him treat her to lunch at a burger stand loved by the locals and a walk through an old graveyard of historic neon signs. He had been in such a good mood he even dropped a 10 into the collection tin with the sign saying “Help us get plugged in, Donations Encouraged.”
Something about watching her eat unreserved always puts him in a better mood, especially in the past 2 years. She had scarfed down a huge burger and almost all of their shared fries. “I don’t get why they didn’t just ask for my help.” She stated around a mouth full of French fries. She washed them down with a swig of beer. “I’m not that difficult to approach. Why all the subterfuge?” She said leaning forward on her elbows and regarding him seriously.
He had thought it better to keep his response to himself and chose that moment to take a long pull from his beer. “Hhm, the guys just prefer to operate on subterfuge. I think they get off on it.” He said following it up with the most charming smile he could come up with.
He could tell she had been feeling better and her eyes sparkled with a bit of mischief. The tilt of her lips had him suspecting that she was considering pushing the issue further but instead, she surprised him by suggesting they try their hands at some poker before catching their flight that evening.
Then the next two months happened. They had quarreled in a way they hadn’t since right before their unexpected trip to Antarctica. Only this time it was he who suggested that her contribution to their work was trivial. He regretted it and she knew that. They had barely gotten their feet under them when the artifact showed up.
In the space of two weeks, she had been to Africa and the American Southwest in search of answers to save his life. When she arrived at his side desperate to communicate with him she was still fighting for his life. There was nothing trivial about what this woman adds to his life.
Now months later she is dozing peacefully. He hopes that he can figure out a way to allow her to keep this peace for a little while. It’s the least he could do. Finally, he reaches out and tucks her hair behind her ear and she stirs, waking slowly and then suddenly all at once. When she fixes her eyes on him she gives him a warm sleepy smile. He swallows what feels like a giant lump in his chest as she reaches for his arm turning it over and running her fingers over the bandage left behind from his recently removed IV. She glances at his other arm and then into his eyes.
“It looks like I’m ok to go home.” He says his voice slightly thick. He clears his throat. “Just waiting on a final visit from the doctor.”
“Good.” She says, still holding his arm. Her fingers are rubbing a light circle around the underside of his forearm. “I’ll get the paperwork to the nurse,” she says reluctantly letting him go.”
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90 Days | S.R (Part 12/12)
Not my gif
My fics can now be found on AO3
Previous Chapter
Chapter Summary - Spencer makes a drastic decision about your relationship. With Callie’s wedding just around the corner, will the two of you be able to work through your demons and finally be happy together?
Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader
Category - the long overdue happy ending!
Content Warnings - physical altercation, blood, hospitals, mentions of drugs, physical altercations, tears, heavy angst with a happy ending.
Word Count - 4.3k
Masterlist
Series Masterlist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 12 (Final)
Spencer opened the living room door and came face to face with the man he already knew was Dylan Ryan.
Dylan spun to face him when he heard the sound. His eyes were wild and menacing and a large, sardonic grin plastered on his face.
“You must be her new man.” He took a couple of steps closer to Spencer.
“I’m FBI Supervisory Special Agent Spencer Reid. Don’t take another step.”
Dylan called Spencer’s bluff and stepped closer.
“If you’re FBI why aren’t you pointing a gun at my head?” He took another step.
“I’m hoping I don’t need to.” Spencer spoke calmly and evenly, despite feeling anything but.
“She obviously hasn’t told you what a “psycho” I am then.” His grin grew even wilder.
“I know all about you, Dylan. Y/N isn’t here. If you cooperate with me, I can take you to her.”
“Bullshit.” Dylan spat. “You think I don’t know you’re messing with me? You think I’m stupid?”
Actually, yes I do, Spencer said in his head.
“Not at all. I think you love Y/N and you want what’s best for her. And what’s best for her is for you to stay away from her.”
“What’s best for her is for you to stay away from her. You’re right I do love her, more than you ever could.”
“So come with me and I’ll take you to her. She doesn’t love me Dylan. Let me take you to see her.”
For a brief moment, Spencer thought Dylan might comply. But then he suddenly lunged at Spencer, pinning the doctor against the wall, his arm pressing against Spencer’s windpipe.
“I don’t trust feds.” he growled in Spencer’s face as he pushed on his throat.
Spencer gaped for air, choking a little as his breathing was restricted.
“Dylan, please I-”
“Shut up!” Dylan yelled, moving his arm from Spencer’s throat before quickly punching him square in the jaw.
Spencer yelped a little at the impact, but seconds later he found Dylan’s hand colliding with his face again.
“Let’s see how much she likes you when I mess up this pretty face of yours.” Dylan punched him again and swiftly kneed Spencer in the crotch.
Spencer groaned and doubled over in pain. Dylan used the opportunity to shove Spencer to the floor.
Spencer fell on his side and rolled onto his back to look up at Dylan who was now standing over him.
“Don’t do this, Dylan.” Spencer tried to remain calm. “Assaulting a federal agent is a serious offence.”
Dylan scoffed and then the toe of his shoe collided with Spencer’s ribcage.
Spencer groaned again, writhing on the floor as Dylan kicked him three more times.
“Dylan I…” he was cut off once again by another kick.
Dylan crouched down and knelt over Spencer’s chest. He took hold of Spencer’s face in his hand and squeezed his cheeks.
“You aren’t going to stand in my way. You are going to tell me where she is and you will tell no one of this. Do you understand?”
Spencer clenched his jaw.
“I will never tell you where she is. I don’t care what you do to me, I don’t even care if you kill me. I love her with my entire being and I will never let you hurt her again. So do your worst, Dylan. Y/N means more to me than whatever pain you can inflict.”
And Dylan screamed. He screamed so loudly Spencer swore the windows shook.
He screamed and he unleashed himself on Spencer. He started pummeling him, his fists slamming into Spencer’s face over and over again.
Spencer whimpered and whined and at some point he started to cry.
He was pretty certain this was how he was going to die, at the hands of your psychotic ex boyfriend.
At some point before he passed out from the pain, a realisation hit Spencer.
Everything you’d said in your letter had been a lie. It hadn’t been about him. You hadn’t walked away because you didn’t love Spencer, but because of how much you loved him.
You were trying to keep him safe. You were trying to keep him out of reach of Dylan.
Hopefully if he didn’t die here on your living room floor, he would be able to tell you he understood.
***
The door to your apartment was open an inch or so and it allowed the three women, plus Luke to edge their way inside.
Immediately they saw it, Spencer bleeding on the floor while another man straddled him and repeatedly punched him in the face.
Their guns were all drawn, pointing directly at the other man.
Emily mouthed to the others that she and JJ would go left and Tara and Luke right so they had him surrounded before they made a move.
They weren’t going to risk letting him get away.
They crept in position, the sound of flesh on flesh and Spencer’s muffled moans masked any sound they made.
Once in position, Emily nodded at the other agents.
“FBI, put your hands where I can see them!” Luke yelled, causing the man on top of Spencer to look up, hands falling to his sides.
He looked at Luke, then Tara, then Emily and finally JJ. They all saw him trying to mentally figure out an escape route and they all noticed the dejection on his face when he realised he had none.
“Don’t make any sudden movements.” Emily sidled closer to him, gun still trained on him but using her free hand to get her handcuffs from her back pocket.
She reached him and roughly pulled him off Spencer by his shoulder before holstering her gun.
She slapped the cuffs on her wrist while Tara and JJ knelt next to Spencer. He was breathing but unconscious.
JJ quickly dialled 911 for an ambulance while Emily led Dylan towards the door.
He was covered in Spencer’s blood and still smiling maniacally.
Luke stepped in front of them as they reached the door.
“If he dies…” Luke clenched his jaw, stabbing Dylan in the chest with his finger. “If you killed and FBI agent, I will make it my personal mission to see you get the death penalty.”
“I hope he’s dead.” Dylan spat. “If I can’t have Y/N, no one can!”
“I swear to god I will-“
“Luke!” Emily cut him off. “Leave it alone. He’s never going to see the light of day again.”
Luke took a few deep breaths before stepping out of Emily’s way.
It took everything in his power not to choke Dylan out as he laughed like a lunatic while Emily led him out of the room.
***
When Spencer awoke, pain flooded his body. He didn’t know what hurt more, his head, or his side.
His eyes fluttered and he groaned loudly, causing her to look up from where she’d had her head in her hands.
“Spencer!” She jumped up and ran to his bedside. “Oh my god you’re awake.”
“I feel like I was hit by a freight train.” He croaked.
“Do you need me to get the doctor? I’m sure she can give you some pain meds or-“
“No.” Spencer shook his head. “No meds. I can’t, Jennifer.”
“But you’re going to be in a lot of pain, Spence. You have a broken nose, three broken ribs and-”
“No meds.” he cut her off again.
JJ helped him sit up and gave him a cup of water which he downed in one. She stroked his matted hair off his face.
“Did you…did you get there in time?”
“We did. Dylan’s been arrested.”
“Thank god.” Spencer felt tears in his eyes.
JJ took hold of his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“Uh…I don’t know if you’re really up to visitors but uh…” she looked sheepish.
“She’s here isn’t she?”
“She’s in the waiting room.”
Spencer exhaled, sniffing back his tears.
“I need you to do me a favour Jennifer. A huge favour.” he tugged her hand a little, signifying he wanted her to come closer.
“Anything. What is it?” she leaned in closer to him.
When Spencer spoke, his voice was barely audible but she heard him loud and clear.
“Spencer,” she frowned at him. “You don’t want me to do that.”
“Yes I do. I need you to do this. I love her JJ, but I am in no fit state to be with her. I need to sort my life out. I need to be able to stay sober on my own. I need to prove to her I’m the man she deserves and to do that I need to prove it to myself first. So I need you to do this for me.”
And if Spencer wasn’t her best friend, there was no way she would even consider it. But the look in his eyes told her he needed this.
So JJ found herself nodding, before taking a few deep breaths and slipping from the room.
***
You jumped up from your seat next to Callie as soon as you saw JJ approaching you.
Her facial expression was solemn and it made your heart beat erratically
“Oh my god, is he ok? Please tell me he’s ok.” tears started rolling from your eyes as panic took over you.
“He’s fine, he’s awake.” JJ nodded stiffly.
“Oh gosh, you scared me JJ!” you started to laugh but her facial expression remained stoic. “What’s wrong? What aren’t you saying?”
JJ had to put all her years of FBI training to use at this moment. If her expression faltered, you would know she was lying. You had to believe every word she said. There was no room for error.
She placed her hand on your back and led you over to a quiet corner of the waiting room. Once alone she took a deep breath before speaking.
“When we found Spencer…” She refrained from biting her lip or taking heavy breaths. “When we found him…he was high Y/N. He’d got his hands on some dilaudid and he’d taken it. He was high as a kite.”
You glared at JJ, trying to find signs that she was lying but you didn’t find any.
“No.” you shook your head. “No you’re wrong. He wouldn’t do that.”
“He did, Y/N. I’m so sorry but he just can’t stay sober. If you don’t believe me, he left his paraphernalia in your bedroom under your pillow. He stashed it there when he heard someone in the apartment.”
You found yourself stumbling backwards until your back hit a wall. It would have been one thing for Spencer to have had a drink but it was another entirely that he had taken drugs again.
He’d told you he hadn’t taken dilaudid in some eleven years. And now he’d fallen off the wagon entirely.
And it was all your fault. Spencer had been using again because of you. Spencer had been hurt because of you.
If he’d never met you, maybe he wouldn’t have quit drinking. But he also might not have ever touched dilaudid again. This was entirely your fault.
You felt your legs trembling beneath you and then you were falling to the floor in a heap. Callie was at your side seconds later, crading you as you sobbed.
Thankful for the distraction, JJ backed away slowly and quietly. She felt tears pricking the backs of her eyes as she watched you crying into your best friend's arms.
She hoped Spencer knew what he was doing. She hoped her friend had thought about the bigger picture before he’d made this decision.
Because the look in your eyes when she’d told you made JJ you believe you might never forgive him for this. JJ wanted to be wrong, she prayed she was wrong. But she wasn't sure she saw a positive outcome from this.
She just hoped Spencer knew what he was doing.
***
Day Ninety
You’d cried so many tears today that you didn’t think you had anything left in you. You knew it would be an emotional day, but you had no idea just how much of a mess you would be.
But it was inevitable. Callie was like the sister you never had and seeing her finally marry her soulmate was always going to be extremely emotional.
The ceremony was lavish and beautiful, taking place in the Jones’ family backyard. Mr Jones had commissioned a huge wooden archway to be built covered with Callie’s favourite flowers. There was a huge gazebo erected for the day and he’d hired only the very best caterers for his little girl's big day.
Food and drink had been flowing and by this point your feet were aching from dancing so much, despite kicking your heels off over an hour ago.
You left the dancefloor in search of hydration in the form of a very large glass of red wine.
You had your back to the room and didn’t notice your company sidle up to you until you felt a hand on your shoulder, causing you to jump.
“Jesus!” you yelped, spinning around. “You scared me half to death, Cal.”
“Sorry,” she giggled a little tipsy.
“I’ll let you off this once considering it is your wedding day.” you chuckled, rolling your eyes. “Why aren’t you dancing?”
“I’ll go back in a second.” she smiled softly at you. “But first, I have a present for you.”
You frowned at her, sipping your wine.
“You got me a present, on your wedding day?”
“A thank you of sorts, for being the best maid of honour and best friend a girl could ask for.”
“Cal, you really didn’t have to-”
“Shush.” she scalded you. “It’s outside on the patio. But I need to get back.”
You went to speak but Callie simply gave you a kiss on your cheek before she was sauntering away again.
You frowned as you watched her go.
With a sigh, you put your glass down on the nearest table and started towards the entrance of the gazebo.
You were a little concerned about what might be waiting for you if truth be told. Callie was not known for being sensible with her money and you worried she would have gone way too overboard with whatever this gift was.
But waiting for you on the patio was a gift money simply couldn’t buy. And you didn’t know if you were grateful or whether you should ask Callie if it came with a gift receipt.
“This was not the kind of gift I expected or wanted.” You folded your arms, refusing to step any closer.
“So that’s what I’m being referred to as? A gift?” Spencer chuckled lightly.
“An unwanted one. Like socks or pajamas.”
“What’s wrong with socks and pajamas?”
“Why are you here?” You weren’t in the mood to humour him.
“I was invited.” He shrugged.
You hated to admit it but he looked incredible and because of that you were getting a little lost. You were amazed after the beating you’d heard he’d taken from Dylan that the majority of his bruises and cuts had healed and were barely visible anymore.
He looked reminiscent of that day in your apartment when you’d danced together, in his black tux that fitted him like a glove.
You shook it off, you were not letting how he looked steer you off track.
“Any sane human being would have realised that invite expired when I kicked you out.”
“That’s not the invite I was referring to. Callie invited me. And she is the bride.” He cautiously stepped closer to you and you didn’t move.
“Yeah well I’ll be giving her an earful just as soon as she gets back from her honeymoon.” You huffed.
It was hard to be angry when Spencer was smiling at you in that way.
“I’ve got something to show you.” He ignored you, pulling something out from his inside pocket.
He stepped closer so you could see the item in his palm.
A small gold coin. A coin that pronounced he’d been ninety days sober.
You scoffed and rolled your eyes.
“Who’d you steal that from? I don’t think it’ll be able to be traded for drugs, Spencer.”
Your words hurt a little but he knew he deserved it.
“I didn’t steal it from anyone. It’s mine. Today I am ninety days, two hours and twenty seven minutes sober.” He slid the chip back into his pocket.
“Impossible.” You rolled your eyes.
“That’s where you're wrong.” He smiled at you, daring to come even closer. “I had JJ lie to you. I didn’t take dilaudid that night. Granted I almost did, but I didn’t. I never fell off the wagon.”
You narrowed your eyes on him, clenching your jaw.
“You lied to me?” You spat. “How could you?”
“I imagine for the same reasons you lied to me.” He shrugged.
“I never lied to you about anything.” You swallowed.
“Oh really?” He chuckled. “See I seem to remember a certain letter where you claimed you’d never loved me. And we both know that’s a lie. You lied to me to protect me from Dylan. And I had JJ lie to you to protect you from…me. I needed to complete my ninety days and become the man you knew I could be before we could move forward.”
He stepped even closer and this time you stepped backwards.
“Even still, today is day eighty nine. I…I counted…”
Spencer laughed to himself, stepping forward again and this time you didn’t move. He placed his hands on your shoulders and you let him.
“You counted wrong.” He smiled at your error. “I’m sorry I lied to you. But I needed to get through these ninety days and prove to myself I could do it alone. But I’m here now and I’m sober and I…I…I love you.”
“I’m moving to New York.” You blurted out. “Next week actually.”
Originally you’d only planned to move to New York because of Dylan, and once he was arrested you didn’t need to run anymore.
But the more you’d thought about it, the more excited you’d become at the prospect of living in the Big Apple.
So you decided to go anyway.
You already had an apartment lined up and all your stuff was basically packed and ready to go.
“Ok.” Spencer shrugged, hands still on your shoulders. “I can move to New York.”
You rolled your eyes and stepped back from his hold.
“No Spencer, you can’t. Your job is here, the BAU, remember?”
“I quit the BAU.”
“W-what?” You glared at him.
“I loved working for the FBI but honestly, I dreaded going back there. Too much has changed. I’ve changed. I’m not the same man I used to be but that’s ok. I just can’t work for the BAU anymore. So I quit. I think I’m going to teach. I was thinking about Georgetown but I can teach in New York.”
“No.” You shook your head. “No, you’re not coming to New York with me. It wasn’t an invitation, Spencer!”
“If you’re going, I’m going with you. I love you Y/N.”
“So you keep saying.” You finally unfolded your arms and let them drop to your sides. “Did it ever occur to you that I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t really love you? Did that ever cross your mind?”
“Briefly.” He shrugged again. “But then I had the pleasure of meeting Dylan and I knew it was all a lie. I know you and I know you love me.”
“Cocky son of a bitch.” You scoffed. “I can’t deal with this right now, Spencer! It’s my best friend's wedding…what are you doing?”
You were steered off track by Spencer pulling his phone from his pocket, seemingly not listening to you anymore.
“Hang on a second.” He tapped at the screen of the phone that you realised wasn’t his phone.
“Who’s phone is that?”
He glanced up at you from the screen.
“Callie’s.”
“W-what? Why do you have Callie’s phone?”
“Because mine doesn’t play music.” He looked back at the screen.
You glared at him in a combination of confusion and anger.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” You spat.
He exhaled heavily and looked up at you again.
“You told me you realised you loved me when we danced in the living room. That wasn’t a lie, Y/N, and I’m going to prove it.”
Finally he found what he was looking for and clicked play.
He set the phone down on the wall next to him as soft music started coming from the tiny speaker.
The opening chords of Frank Sinatra’s The Way You Look Tonight started ticking your eardrums and you felt tears springing behind your eyes.
Spencer took you by the hand and you were too caught up in a wave of emotion to fight it.
He pulled you in close and you couldn’t help the way your head fell to his chest as he started swaying you.
“Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold.
I will feel a glow just thinking of you,
And the way you look tonight.”
He sung along quietly much like he had done that night. He was holding one of your hands and the other you kept by your side.
“Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm,
And your cheeks so soft.
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.”
Tears started silently rolling down your cheeks, seeping into Spencer’s tux jacket. He must have noticed because he held you closer.
“With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearin' my fear apart.
And that laugh, wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.”
You tentatively reached for him, gripping his lapel as you started to sob.
“Lovely, never, never change.
Keep that breathless charm,
Won't you please arrange it?”
He moved his hand from its position on your lower back to your face where he cupped your chin and gently guided your face so you were looking at him.
He wanted you to be looking at him when he sung the next line.
“'Cause I love you,
A-just the way you look tonight.”
You sniffed back your tears, a smile tugging at your lips.
“And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.”
You sung back to him, as he spun you both around effortlessly.
“Lovely, don't you ever change,
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you,
A-just the way you look tonight.”
You continued singing to him and when the lyrics faded and just the instruments remained, he used his hand that was still cupping your chin to guide you closer to him.
And when he kissed you, you were putty in his hands.
You moved your hand from his lapel to hold his face, keeping him close as the kiss deepened.
The kiss was deep and longing and neither of you ever wanted it to end. But of course, eventually you needed to break for air.
When you did, Spencer held you close, keeping his forehead pressed against yours and staring deep into your eyes.
“I promised you that night I’d always dance with you in the living room. I can’t keep my promise if you don’t let me come to New York.”
You found yourself chuckling, a few more rogue tears escaping your eyes.
“We wouldn’t want you to break a promise.”
Spencer’s face broke out into a large smile at your words and it melted your heart.
He held your face in his hands, caressing your cheeks with his fingertips.
“Are you saying…?” he sniffed back his own tears.
“If you really want to come to New York with me…”
“I do.” He was quick to say.
“Well I can’t exactly stop you.” You tilted your head back to look at him better.
“No, you can’t.” He smirked at you. “Why New York out of curiosity?”
You sighed but he saw a slight twinkle in your eye.
“I’ve always loved New York and there are some uh…publicists there that I want to work with on a book I’m writing.” You felt your cheeks burning.
“You’re writing a book?” His eyes lit up and a smile tugged at his lips.
“It’s in the early stages, but yes.”
“What’s it about?”
You averted your gaze. He’d once told you that you should write his story. Maybe you’d taken that to heart.
It was the story of a misunderstood genius with a dark past who always seemed to find himself in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It was about unlikely friendships, overcoming demons and a love so strong that it can survive anything.
You didn’t tell him that though.
“It’s still a work in progress.” You shrugged, looking back at him.
But Spencer could see in the look in your eyes that told him all the things you weren’t saying.
“New York could be a fresh start. It could be everything we need to start over.” Spencer told you softly.
“I don’t want to start over.” You frowned a little. “Everything that’s happened to us is a part of our story. I don’t want to change any of it, no matter how messy. But I do…I do want to start our next chapter. In New York. Together.”
Spencer beamed at you and took your face in his hands so he could kiss you again.
A lot can happen in the space of ninety days, the two of you were testament to that.
Spencer had made a lot of mistakes in his life, taken a lot of wrong turns but he wouldn’t change a single one of them. Because every one of them had led him here, to you.
He would suffer prison and addiction ten times over if it meant he got to be with you.
Ninety days had changed his life. But now instead of counting days, Spencer was going to make every day he spent with you count.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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#90 days#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#criminal minds self insert#criminal minds
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2/2 Brians mom/sister scene is now up ‘OH FUCK YOU BITCH! Sidenote: he looks really fucking good. His life might be falling a part but he still looks good. Respect. Oh no, his stupid mom. Oh fuck you too. What kind of family is this? This is horrible, no wonder he is fucked up on drugs and alcohol and fucking everyon- actually nevermind that last one could just be a preference, fuck, this man would’ve died in 2020 lockdown. Wait, I’m getting distracted. Oh no this is hurting me. *pauses tv* DID YOU SEE THAT HESITATION! You could tell he was about to tell her off but he had to fully push himself to say fuck you to her because he’s still just a little kid inside. I will start a riot for him. And him only. Oh and my boy Elliot. This guy did not have to act this much in this scene because this all HURT’ (i have no clue who Elliot is btw when i asked he just went ‘oh you know *smacked his fist to his chest* my boy’) ‘SEE TED AND BRIAN HAVE POTENTIAL! Oh teddy, he is in love how do you not know!’ He is now sitting with crossed fingers and looking up in the ceiling ‘please no Ethan, please no Ethan. OH MY GOD! OH MY! Ha, a friend of his uncles..good one Justin, don’t you mean the love of his life? DID THE KID JUST SAY THE F BOMB AGAIN?! PUNCH HIM JUSTIN. HE WOULDVE PAYED HIM! SEE! EVEN NOW HE KNOWS THAT BRIAN IS THE BEST. *pauses tv again* JUSTIN WENT TO GET THE KID TO ADMIT HES LYING?! How are you gonna do that and then look me in the face and say you don’t care for him? HOW DARE HE WEAR HIS BRACELET! Justin, BEAT HIS ASS! It is your time to start throwing punches!’ ‘JUSTIN! CARL! DEBBIE!!! HE SAW THE BRACELET AND IMMEDIATELY WENT TO CARL!!! Of course Justin would know it has Brian’s initials and where he bought it! Totally normal. EXACTLY DEBBIE SHAME ON THEM! Now say that to his mom next! Aw he gave Justin the bracelet, i have never in my life cared this much about a bracelet’ ‘oh for fucks sake they’re actually gonna have a kid together? SPERM BANK! The kid can always find out who the dad is later in life. This is a recipe for disaster’ ‘HE IS SHOOTING UP! OH MY GOD DUDE IS PUTTING DRUGS IN HIS TUSHY!’ Anyway thee Britin scene is up! ‘AHHHHHH he took the bracelet back to him! LOOK HOW BRIAN IS LOOKING AT HIM! HE MISSES HIM! HE LOVES HIM. Makes me wonder how many times Justin tied up the bracelet for him *pauses tv and starts waving his hands around Britin* you see this? DO. YOU. SEE. THIS? THAT! Is called tension. *says it so that he basically pronounces every letter* SEXUAL TENSION! *hits play* They are about to fuck! Brian is gonna slam him into that wall and they are gon- BRIAN NO! WHY WOULD YOU REMIND HIM OF THE EXISTENCE OF THE ONE PERSON NOBODY WANTS TO BE REMINDED OF?! Even Justin looked disappointed at the reminder! This is pure bullsh- did he just toss the bracelet? *rewinds* HE DID! LOOK *rewinds it again while point at the tv* so hold the fuck up. You’re telling me, he stood there and let Justin tie a bracelet on his wrist only for him to take it off and toss it the second Blondie left and i’m supposed to pretend that the reason for that is not just so that he could feel his Blondies touch? Just so that he could have him for one more second? BUT WHY TAKE IT OFF? Is he mad that he reminded him of *makes a face like he just smelled rotten eggs* him? Or is he just not feeling it right now?’ Now usually he would go outside after an episode but he is on a time crunch so he immediately went to ep 5. He has physical therapy today and I’m honestly scared that it was a bad idea to watch this before he went.
He’s still just a little kid inside. I will start a riot for him. I am sobbing right now, he totally gets Brian.
I have never in my life cared this much about a bracelet. LOL so true.
DUDE IS PUTTING DRUGS IN HIS TUSHY. DYINGGGGGGG.
The sexual tension of that scene is so thick it can only be cut with a knife.
i’m supposed to pretend that the reason for that is not just so that he could feel his Blondies touch - MMHMM. EXACTLY.
(Saying a prayer for his PT…)
#ask winderlylandchime#dear sweet anon#queer as folk#a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023
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I was wondering if Gregory exists in your Fazbear Estate AU,if that is the case,what is the reaction of the Freddys towards Gregory and vice versa?
You know, I've been debating this issue internally for quite some time now. I did want Gregory in my AU, but I wasn't sure what his role would be.
However, after thinking a lot about it recently - mainly due to this ask - I think I found the perfect spot for Gregory.
Yes, Gregory does exist. He's the adopted son of Michael Afton and his husband, Jeremy Fitzgerald. Gregory even has a sister, also adopted, but until the Ruin DLC is released, I don't know her name yet.
Gregory was adopted when he was a baby. Michael and Jeremy were in their 40's when this happened; now they're in their early 50's and Gregory is currently 9 years old. Michael and Jeremy would have adopted children sooner, but life kept getting in the way, especially for Michael with all the work he did for Fazbear Entertainment.
Gregory is more or less the same personality-wise in this AU as he is in Security Breach. The only major difference is that this Gregory has a loving human family looking out for him and nobody's trying to kill him. Also, since he grew up around a lot of Michael's work, he sees the animatronics of Fazbear Entertainment as extended family members. Would he scrap one of them if they tried to kill him? Oh, totally, without a second thought! He just doesn't want to have to think about that possibility because he loves them so much.
The Freddys at Fazbear Estate have all met Gregory before, as the boy does occasionally visit Fazbear Estate with Michael. They, along with the other animatronics, first met him as a baby, along with his sister. ALL the animatronics were in love with the two babies, and were so happy for Mike, who they all watched grow up from various points in his life, for becoming a dad. The Freddys in particular were pretty emotional, since they're all programmed to be father figures. Even Funtime Freddy, who's more of a silly uncle than a dad, was a bit weepy.
Later that same day, Michael took his new children to the Pizzaplex to meet the animatronics there. Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizzaplex had originally been Michael's idea. The Glamrocks? Also him. The Daycare Attendant - okay, that wasn't his idea. That was his sister's idea. He has no clue who came up with DJMM-- ANYWAY.
Michael was very excited to introduce the Pizzaplex's animatronics to his new babies. The animatronics, in turn, were excited and honored that Michael was letting them HOLD the babies.
Roxanne and Glamrock Chica, predictably, gushed over how cute the infants were.
Glamrock Bonnie, who was still functioning at the time, also thought they were adorable, and offered to teach Michael some dad jokes now that he'd earned the right to tell them.
Montgomery was a bit scared of the babies at first, because he didn't want to hurt them. Michael reassured him, however, and Monty ended up holding both babies in his arms. Monty stared down at them for a long time before he suddenly started crying. "THEY'RE JUST SO TINY! AND CUTE! IT'S MAKING ME FEEL THINGS! I NEED TO GO PUNCH A WALL SO I CAN FEEL MANLY AGAIN!"
DJMM played soft, happy music in response to the babies.
The Daycare Attendant was gushing even harder than Roxanne and Chica over the babies. He'd never gotten to hold a baby that was so young before. He was so... SO gentle and soft-spoken around baby Gregory and his sister. Even though he was just a stranger to them, it was clear he loved them almost as much as Michael did.
And finally... Glamrock Freddy. First, he met Gregory's sister. Glamfred couldn't stop complimenting how beautiful and adorable she was. Then Michael handed him Gregory.
"Hello, Gregory! I am Freddy Fazbear! It is nice to meet you!"
Gregory looked up at Glamfred... and smiled at him. Glamfred saw this and... well, he didn't have a physical heart, but he definitely had one in spirit, because it was melting.
Glamfred suddenly started singing to baby Gregory. His voice was low, soft, and soothing. Just a song he'd heard from one of the technicians who'd worked on him in Parts and Services, an old one, definitely not the usual glam rock fare. Michael quietly took out his phone and recorded Glamrock Freddy gently rocking baby Gregory and singing "Lullabye in Ragtime".
To this day, Glamrock Freddy has a very special bond with Gregory. They don't get to see each other as often as they'd like, but they consider each other family and are very good friends! The other Freddys think Gregory is a joy to be around, and are a bit jealous of how close Glamfred is with him. Gregory, on his part, likes to joke that he has a massive collection of dads, and he's only going to keep adding to it! All joking aside, he feels pretty lucky.
#fnaf#fazbear estate au#ask#fnaf gregory#michael afton#glamrock freddy#jeremy fitzgerald#ruin dlc girl#glamrock bonnie#montgomery gator#roxanne wolf#glamrock chica#daycare attendant#fnaf djmm#glamrock animatronics#long post is long#sorry for the fanfiction
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Did exactly as you said and read chapter 4. It’s now 3 hours later and I’m still in pieces. Took another nap but I still feel so emotionally/physically drained lmao I was genuinely sobbing into my pillow and I had to pause several times to either marinate in my feelings or play a song that I thought fit the scene I’d just read (literally listened to Instant Crush by Daft Punk ft. Julian Casablancas 3 times at one point like... “that summer memory that just never dies, we worked too long and hard to give it no time. He sees right through me, it's so easy with lies, cracks in the road that I would try and disguise. He runs the scissors at the seam in the wall. He cannot break it down or else he would fall. One thousand lonely stars hiding in the cold”). Babes I was going THROUGH IT. So hopefully this makes sense🤞
"That first conversation in it was entirely redone thanks to you ♥” god I’m so flattered! It was absolute perfection and it hurt so good. I have no idea how it used to look before our conversation but the way you had Armand on the verge on a panic attack? with everything crumbling down around him during those brief moments in which he thought he’d lost Daniel again... stunning. "How could you possibly think saying something like that is fair when just last night I told you how your running affected me? Am I meant to be kept on the pillory for this entire trip while you come away unscathed?" Armand asked. "It's not fair, Daniel." NO IT’S NOT, and Daniel owning up to it and trying to comfort him even in the middle of a fight was so lovely, so him.
This though: “There’s a part near the back, the purple post it? Read me that part,” Daniel said. “I want to hear it from your own mouth.” NO. LISTEN. I put down my phone, phisically backed away from it and said “OH SHIT”. It was fucking brutal and I was speechless. My favorite bit so far I think but I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to actually read it again. Wow.
And I just love your use of rain as a motif here, and the weather in general, them driving through a thunderstorm both externally and internally is such a great choice. And how them getting through the worst part meant they were almost there. Besides, rain was also a thing in canon for them, and I’d like to think Anne made a deliberate choice when she gave them their first “big” moment together in years, alone in the rain, like you did here. In both instances it feels like it’s about washing away regrets, insecurities, doubts, and finally having them see each other as they are.
“I want the Armand that woke up excited every day looking for a new adventure, where has that part of you gone? Did it really die with me?” Yeah THIS. I think it’s something that gets brough up often in fandom conversations (maybe not as explicitly as you put it here but it’s the underlying message we’ve been trying to convey imo). How serious, stiff, aloof Armand seems in later books, like he’s just going through the motions, only kind of coming back to life whenever Lestat is around or something’s happened to him. But that overly excited, curious, affectionate, intense young man we met in QotD seems to be gone for good. Like that’s a version of him nobody but Daniel met (maybe only the boys at the palazzo? but that was Amadeo, not Armand, so it’s not the same), only to disappear forever after Daniel left. Seeing Armand tell him that he also misses that part of himself and wants to recover it felt like a punch in the gut.
“Wondered what exactly it was that had turned his emotions into these calcified things that were trapped inside of him, impossible for anyone to excise no matter how much they loved him.Perhaps it was Marius. Something passed on in the blood, a genetic indisposition to being vulnerable. Or perhaps it was that first assailant who had forced himself inside of Armand and in doing so stole the memories from his brain and tied his tongue in a knot so tight he was rendered unable to speak. Or was it the rejections he’d endured that had solidified the belief that he was a tainted and an unloved thing? Or- worst of all- maybe it was some inherent quality of his own. Some flaw of the personality, as immutable as the length of his hair or the color of his eyes. Forever frozen in time by his immortal blood”. Fuck. I mean we know others have wondered. Marius said just as much at some point didn’t he? How he thought Amadeo’s eyes had been “cruel” even as a mortal boy, how there was something innately wrong with him that he couldn’t wipe away even with all the love in the world. And then Armand himself saying how he feels there’s an “eternal winter” inside of him, how everything he holds in his hands, as you put it, “crumbles into dust”. GOD.
And then when Daniel started sobbing? I WAS SOBBING. Armand feeling like he had to get out of the car to comfort him or otherwise he’d lose him for good broke me.
“There was no real need for him to look over to change lanes, except the desire to catch another glimpse of Daniel’s curious expression. Armand’s heart fluttered fast as Amadeo’s when their eyes met. “What was that look for?” Daniel asked. “Nothing. I was only checking the traffic.” AWWWW my babies, I love them sm they’re getting there!!! 🥹 And I LOVE how you keep building up that kiss they haven’t had yet. I have no doubt it’ll live up to the hype. Every single line in this is canon to me ofc you’re incredible xoxo DA ❤️
DA, I'm so glad you survived it haha
I have no idea how it used to look before our conversation but the way you had Armand on the verge on a panic attack? with everything crumbling down around him during those brief moments in which he thought he’d lost Daniel again... stunning.
Yeah, in draft one Daniel kinda just....got away with it haha Armand got called out for pushing him away when he was just trying to comfort him, but Daniel caught no flack at all for running off and didn't apologize and I thought NOPE, no that's wrong. They gotta touch on that problem and Armand can't let this trip just be the Roast of Armand de Romanus. So. There :) I'm glad it worked!! I think the story is much better for it.
It is a topic they bump up against again but that's a quieter, less charged moment.
The book conversation though! I wanted THAT to happen for a long time. What's more brutal than being forced to read out your own words and explain them? Nothing!! And I think it's something that was on Daniel's mind the first time he ever read that part. He wanted to hear it from Armand's mouth because he couldn't believe it was real.
Besides, rain was also a thing in canon for them, and I’d like to think Anne made a deliberate choice when she gave them their first “big” moment together in years, alone in the rain, like you did here. In both instances it feels like it’s about washing away regrets, insecurities, doubts, and finally having them see each other as they are.
Thank you!! I really wanted them to HAVE to drive slow, to need to stop at some point. And rain was the best way to do it. I actually forgot it was raining the night Daniel died! It's such a nice accidental parallel.
How serious, stiff, aloof Armand seems in later books, like he’s just going through the motions, only kind of coming back to life whenever Lestat is around or something’s happened to him.
Right! I think about it a lot. I mean, it makes sense in the wake of his attempt at going into the sun. Depression isn't cured just because he survived. But it's really strange that he's got two fledglings living in his home and he just doesn't seem happy. It's like he never did the work to figure out what made him so unhappy in the first place, so Daniel has to push him to look at that and figure it out.
Fuck. I mean we know others have wondered. Marius said just as much at some point didn’t he? How he thought Amadeo’s eyes had been “cruel” even as a mortal boy, how there was something innately wrong with him that he couldn’t wipe away even with all the love in the world. And then Armand himself saying how he feels there’s an “eternal winter” inside of him, how everything he holds in his hands, as you put it, “crumbles into dust”. GOD.
Exactly. I don't think he's cruel like Marius characterized him. I think he's traumatized, he's had C-PTSD immortalized into his veins via the blood. The eternal winter in him is just all the things he never worked through and that Daniel is going to ask him to sort through now so he can understand him and start to heal with ihm.
And then when Daniel started sobbing? I WAS SOBBING. Armand feeling like he had to get out of the car to comfort him or otherwise he’d lose him for good broke me.
Armand is a good boyfriend at heart 🥹 He's been so paralyzed up to this point and now he's taking action! He can do better he can be better!
I love them sm they’re getting there!!! 🥹 And I LOVE how you keep building up that kiss they haven’t had yet. I have no doubt it’ll live up to the hype.
They're trying hard! That first kiss- it's a lot, it's explosive! And a lot of softer kisses are sure to follow. I hope it stands up to whatever you're hoping for ♥
You're incredible for delivering these reviews right to my inbox!! I'm so happy you like it 🥹
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campaign 3 episode 34: derd
if liam and ashley aren't at the table at the start of the episode I will simply walk into the ocean. I refuse to engage with it.
tonight's supposed to be just under 4 hours and idk why that makes me more nervous than a super-long one
everyone trying to keep frozen while they laugh hysterically (and failing)
taliesin's holding it together the best
oh no there he goes
robbieeee
I once again do not have my earbuds in so I just see sam pop up in the subs going "Wow!"
laura's really pretty tonight
marisha's shirt is going to bother me tho (weird necklines give me second-hand sensory weirdness)
"no wait I have to iron my cat"
"shut up MATT"
show me the table, I need to know how bad it's gonna hurt
oh okay. full table. ….that will probably be worse
fcg: I am just a little creachure
AEOR
oh the way matt said "him"
OH NO
oh no
ELVEN FATHER
hey maTT
I'm gonna puke
"their" WHOMST?
no fearne and orym memories T_T
going to la to fight matt in a denny's parking lot
NO
hey dice gods turn on your location
matt it has TRULY been 15 minutes
"we're the dm now"
I don't know why I thought I could work during this
chetney with one of those sensory chew necklaces
I am ashley
honestly about to go get my emotional support piplup
"now it's a normal-size party" shut the hell your mouth
try to steal from her
"I hate this game"
"fearne" "[gay fear]"
"okay bye ashley"
ASHLEY JOHNSON
"geeze louise"
"it's like carrying a toddler" nancy 😔
"what do you mean orym's dead." just the flat anger
liam if you make orym stay dead bc grief reasons I will fucking fight you
"why would I have a diamond" "because you steal everything"
hi I hadn't actually teared up until now
ashley fucking goddamn johnson
laudna wake up, I don't like this
laudna broom
I appreciate the sentiment on the gas can but I do not believe him
the worst part is that's true
mariSHA
"she stole my coin didn't she"
oh I knew she was gonna swerve
"we can be mad at the changebringer later"
liam o'brien I will fight you in a parking lot
hello 911 liam and matt are murdering me
"you're not done" like fucK YOU
the little whispery voice for will I'm gonna fkcing
"fearnie" fu ck
MARISHA GET BACK IN THAT FUCKING CHAIR OR SO HELP ME
WHEN I SAID I DIDN'T WANT LIAM AND ASHLEY TO LEAVE THE TABLE THAT DIDN'T MEAN THIS
oh don't say it that way he'll break in half
chet
I mean you're valid but
"we clearly threatened you"
"little bitch signal"
whispersss
this is an extremely griffin mcelroy ad read
he forgot to draw his angry eyebrows on first
"I really wanna punch a wall right now" "why do that when his face is right there?"
orym
give him advantage, he stabbed him in the foot
T_T
wait didn't caleb have a thing
alternate timeline ghost thing
my guy they cannot protect themselves from her
use ur wood chetney
I literally only just noticed sam has painted nails
"it only makes sense when she does it" and only barely then
dbza voice: maaaahogany
travis
I miss dariax
matt: it can replace material components
matt: HINT HINT
beacon juice
"I trust ashley johnson, ashley johnson told me she doesn't trust ashley johnson"
Illegal Airport Patdown
all I ever think of is "that's not how you measure pants!"
this is the same day as Angry Eyes???
matt what u do
;-;
RTA
my heart needed that
"god it's awful. I love it!"
"aren't you an orphan?" "…I'm gonna give you ten seconds to work that out."
was it fucking wizard hubris again
taliesin's voice rn
wonder if the Theme of this campaign is being dramatically altered against your will
if not physically then emotional trauma changing how you interact with/see the world (these are not mutually exclusive)
[ducks from the imodna shipper shrapnel]
oh. OH.
delilah would fully zombify her wouldn't she
or it's like a salt circle against delilah possession
"also: u in danger girl"
I desperately need to see travis' etsy search history
"doomsday clock is at Concern"
"this thing is for toddlers!"
"get it off of laudna"
I'm gonna miss Joe
tag urself I'm shady sally
chetney
"grab the kids, I want them to see!" why is that so cute tho
[mighty nein voice] up!
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Betrayed
Ch. 22 of 100 Promises
Previous Ch | Next Ch
You ran into Chishiya on your way down.
"Nice punch," he mentioned, high fiving you. You smiled. He had really changed a lot since you first met him.
"Go help Ann and Kuina, they are taking a good approach to this. I... have something to do," he instructed, holding a water gun in his hand. "What? Gonna put the fire out with that?"
"More like start one..."
You stared for a couple of seconds, and nodded. "Alright... stay safe."
-----------
"Suguru! Come on you promised!" You whined, dragging him over to the swings. He tried pulling away from your grip. "No-no, i am not getting on that death trap."
You two were at a carnival, and the swings happened to be your favorite ride. His least favorite.
You thought for a second and smirked. "I'll let you kiss me at the top of the farris wheel~!"
His face turned bright red as he stammered and hid behind his hands. "(Y-y/N) you c-can't say that," he mumbled. "What you don't want to kiss me? You seemed eager to do so la-"
"Ok ok ok fine!"
You smiled, and pet the top of his head.
----------
You ran, heading to the part underneath the beach. It would be easier to travel this way.
You ran around, finally finding Ann.
"Ann!" You yelled, getting her attention.
She turned, quickly taking the defensive. "She's on our side, it's ok," Kuina said. You nodded.
"What do you need from me?"
___________
Numb
That's all you felt. You weren't happy. You weren't sad. You were nothing.
Chishiya dragged you two along with him, eventually coming up on a screen room.
"We meet again," he said with a smirk. "You?"
"(Y/N), you're ok!" Usagi exclaimed, hugging you.
Ok?
Physically, you guessed you were fine. Minor burns along your arms and legs.
Alive? Physically your body was alive. The blood ran hot through your veins, your heart beat to a foreign beat you didn’t know.
Ok?
Mentally no, you just wanted to sit in a hole and cry for hours. You wanted to be left alone, you wanted to be held, actually you didnt know what you wanted.
You wanted to hate him.
And you did.
But a small piece of you faught.
The screaming teenager inside your head.
"He's dead! He's dead and its all your fault! We said we'd protect him! You hurt him you hurt him you liar! You're a liar!"
Oh how she cried, tearing up the walls of your brain. But you wished for nothing more than to forget.
Alive? You mind was bordering death.
"Yeah. I guess I am," you responded with a small laugh.
Light filled up the room as all the screens turned on. On them was Mira.
"I told you hot bitches that don't talk can't be trusted," you said to Kuina. She scoffed, and handed you a piece of candy in her pocket. "Ah thank you very much."
"Next stage?"
Well, this would be harder than you thought.
_______
"I don't care just... take me somewhere," he muttered, as you smiled widely.
"Anywhere?"
"Yeah yeah, anywhere let's go before I change my mind."
You two walked throughout the city as you dragged him along. You knew exactly where you wanted to take him. You walked in the shop doors, greeting the people working there.
"Ah, she's back! Oh... hun it seems you brought a stray dog with you," one of them giggled. "Stray- oh! This is Niragi, my best friend. Y'know the one I'm always talking about?" You introduced, shoving him forward. "Oh. Alright then what can I do for you today?"
"What i mentioned last time. But for both," you said, using the cryptic language for him to not back out.
"Ohhh... he scared of needles?"
"Uh... yo, 'Ragi, you scared of needles?"
"No, what kind of a dumbass wuestion is that?"
"Ok, got it."
She dragged you both over to some chairs, where Niragi decided to finally look up and see where you were.
"(N/N), why are we here?"
"You said anywhere!"
"Oh my gods..."
"Hey, if you back out of this I'll cry."
And about 30 minutes later, you were both out of there with a slight sting in your mouth.
"This fucking hurts," he whined. "Good. Remember what she said. No, kissing is not a good idea, no eating your hook up out is not a good idea, and on top of that not cleaning it until it heals is also... not a good idea."
"Yeah yeah whatever..."
_________
Tears welled up in your eyes. Why did you choose to remember the memories now?
The group of you all walked in the city, the giant blimps floating around.
"Yeesh... crazy bitch," you mumbled, wiping the tears away. "Yeah..."
Suddenly people started running towards you guys, frantically screaming.
"What's going on?!"
"King of spades! Run!"
You watched people duck behind cars and gets shot. While everyone else was running, you and Chishiya observed, occasionally dodging some.
"Well fuck me," you muttered. Then the bullets came spraying toward you making you yelp, and run. You zig zagged your way to a car, making it harder to catch you.
You hid and saw Chishiya jogging with his hands in his pockets.
"For fucks sake," you muttered, running back to him. You grabbed him arm and dragged him. "Fucking run dumbass. Bitch ass motherfucker, you aren't a goddamn cat, you don't have nine lives you're just as mortal as the rest of us," you lectured while dragging him and running behind a car.
You heard him huff next to you. "Have I ever mentioned... how much I hate spades?" He said with a small laugh. You smiled. "I don't think so. But I do- jesus fucking christ," you started, getting scared by Kuina getting behind the car with you guys.
Chishiya pulled sometjing out of his pocket handing it to her. "A... bomb?"
"For if you're ever in a pinch," he responded, as if it was totally normal to give your friends bombs.
------------
"Shit. That's not good, go!"
Chishiya grabbed your hand, pushing you away. You heard Kuina scream for you guys as you ducked behind a car, hearing an explosion.
"Oh my god. Whats the plan now?" You asked. You were really tired of the world punishing you like this. "We are going to be very careful, and leave. The Jack of Hearts isn't difficult, and hearts are your specialty," he said, pointing at the ballon. "Yeah... I guess. It's also the farthest. Since the King of Spades went that way following after them, i think we are in the clear. His ballon follows after him so lets go," you agreed.
You two began your trek through thd abandoned city and tried not stepping on corpses.
"This is really erie. I know that I was happy to be here at first, but now? God I wish I was dead," you mumbled. Chishiya grabbed your arm, pulling you away from the edge of the road. You scoffed, "What am I going to do? Get run over by the still cars?"
He laughed. "Yeah. You're kind of a klutz. I wouldn't put it past you," he said with a smile. You liked spending time with him.
"How are you doing?"
"What?"
"I asked, how are you doing?"
Silence.
"It's ok to miss him you know... You don't go from loving and trusting someone for years of you life to hating them overnight. I know you think you have to, but you don't. You're allowed to mourn the loss of your best friend. You're allowed to be sad and cry."
Tears welled up in your eyes.
"It's not ok. He's a horrible person. He tried to do horrible things. And I'm happy he's d-... I'm happy hes dead," you said, hearing your voice crack. His arms wrapped around you, shocking you. "It wasn't your fault. It's ok," he whispered. You broke down in his arms.
You hated that you felt bad for him. You hated you missed him.
-------------
"Chishiya, forget Niragi, look at those two," you whispered, subtlety pointing at two of the guys in the game. "You know one of them is a murderer right?"
"I am too at this point, so fuck it."
He sighed, nodding.
You looked up at the screen with everyone's name and picture.
Banda Sunato
Matsushita Enji
"Hm... I know who the first one is. The second one sounds really really familiar," you mumbled.
The game had started, and you watched everyone go to groups.
-------------
It was the second round and you heard someone call out to you.
"(L/N)?"
You turned around, expecting Chishiya.
It was Matsushita.
"I'm sure you don't remember me-"
Then it hit you who this was.
"Nononono, i remember, you were in my psych classes! We graduated together!" You exclaimed.
"So, you do remember."
This would be fun.
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8 TV Shows
Tagged by @marimosalad and @iamstartraveller776 , thank you guys!
Rules: list eight TV shows for your followers to get to know you better
Rings of Power is a given, so I’m going to go outside the box here. Some of these shows aren’t The Best Shows Ever when it comes to objective quality, but I’ve chosen them because they’re important to me personally. I mean, getting to know me better was the point, right? Here we go.
- Attack on Titan
I 19 when Attack on Titan was released, and I had left my anime phase behind me. I was out and done and free, but then one of my best friends told me that there was this show I had to check out. I said no. He insisted. I said no. I went over to his house, he put on the show, he literally grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the couch and said “I AM NOT GETTING OBSESSED WITH THIS ALONE”, and that was it. The soundtrack hit me like a punch in the gut, and just like that, I was into anime again. I have yet to see a first episode of any show in any genre that hits you as hard as Attack on Titan. The premise (what if there were giants outside of our safe realm that are just a couple of really tall walls away from annihilating the human race?) is an odd one, but it quickly develops into something way deeper; exploring trauma, corruption, and how there is no “good” side in a war. No one is safe is safe in this show, and you will cry. Music is always important to me, and holy hell, some of the soundtracks of AoT always, and I mean always, give me literal goosebumps. It’s also special to me because I still watch every new episode with that same friend who forced me to watch the first one. It’s been ten years, we’re now reaching our 30s, but we still watch this show together.
- Jessica Jones
Season 1, to be specific. This one goes on the list because it has one of the most terrifying villains I’ve ever seen. Jessica Jones, an alcoholic wreck (and a trauma-survivor, as we later find out), is a private investigator with superpowers: strength and fast healing. Does she use these superpowers for good? No. She doesn’t want to be a hero. When our antagonist Kilgrave (played by David Tennant, my beloved), shows up in town, she’s forced to face the life she’s tried so hard to leave behind. Kilgrave has the power of mind control, which means that if he tells you to do something, you will do it, even if the act harms yourself or those you love. It’s a terrifying power, and he’s so damn good at using it. Even when we reach the end of the season, you’re still not sure if the good guys are going to win. Even at his lowest, Kilgrave always feels so… invincible. The final showdown between him and Jessica still sends shivers down my spine when I think about it. That final moment of their last interaction haunts me and makes me want to improve my own writing so I can one day create something that hits that hard.
- Love Between Fairy and Devil
Now we’re heading into C-drama. The premise is silly—the “devil”, a powerful demon who once conquered the entire world of the realm of the gods, is accidentally freed by a weak little fairy after centuries of imprisonment. Here’s when the delightful Enemies to Lovers aspect kicks in: they end up bound to each other in a way that links her mental and physical health to him. If she gets hurt, he gets hurt, which forces this infamously powerful conqueror to become a protector of a innocent little cinnamon roll of a fairy in order to protect himself. Neither of them is happy about this at all, but since this is an ETL, that’s obviously followed by an “at first”. The development of their relationship is sweet, surprisingly deep, and has the perfect pacing. The soundtrack is amazing, which is always an important aspect to me. This one makes the list because if I were to write an original ETL story, this is the kind of relationship development I would like to achieve. It’s perfect.
- The Good Place
One of my go-to shows when I want to watch something that I know will make me laugh. Elanor, our protagonist, is a terrible person, and when she dies, she ends up in heaven “by accident”. As the story develops, it turns out that nothing is what it seems, and suddenly you’re evaluating ethical dilemmas and learning Socrates’ theories and you’re enjoying it. It’s an ensemble show, and the characters are absolutely ridiculous but so damn lovable. The show also makes you think. You’re forced to think about your own morality, and reflect on your own worldview and the kind of ethics you apply to it. This show is pretty crazy that way. Hilarious and deep as fuck.
- Arcane
When people say “no League of Legends show had any business being this good”, they’re 100% right. The animation is gorgeous and can be analyzed for days because of all the symbolism. It’s an ensemble show, and the characters have so many layers that it’s impossible to decide whether they’re good or bad. They’re all different nuances of gray, with their own agendas and easily understandable motivations for everything they do. If you started watching it but never made it past the time skip, then for the love of god, go back. You need to see this plot unravel. (Great music. Always important for me.)
- Brooklyn 99
Another feelgood, go-to show for me. It always makes me laugh. In this case, I think it’s also worth mentioning that we have a canonically gay, black character who is not defined by that whatsoever. It has obviously affected his life, but when you think of Captain Holt, the first thought that pops up is not his sexuality. He’s the perfect example of a well-written LGBTQ+ character, and for me, a bisexual woman, this is obviously important. We need more characters like Captain Holt (and later Rosa, who comes out as bisexual). This is what good representation looks like.
- Game of Thrones
I don’t know if it even needs saying, but I’m obviously talking about the seasons that still followed GRRM’s plotline from the books. This show, in the beginning, had a similar appeal as Attack on Titan. No character is good or bad (except some outliers that fall pretty irredeemably on the evil spectrum), and no one is safe. I’d say this might be the first grim-dark high fantasy to ever manage to break out of the nerds-only space, and it left a permanent mark on pop culture as a whole. I remember running out of episodes around the Red Wedding, so I obviously ran straight to the books, even though I generally don’t have the patience for high fantasy. (BOOK CERSEI APOLOGIST FOREVER). Something that makes this show special for me is that I watched it with my dad. It was our thing, and it still makes me happy to think about how we used to make room in our daily lives just to make sure we could watch the show together. Also, the soundtrack is out of this world. “The Light of the Seven” is, in my opinion, Ramin Djawadi’s greatest piece of work (though it does share that first place with the Westworld version of “Paint it Black”).
- Death Note
Let’s open at the close with another anime. When I first watched Death Note, I was too young to understand half of it (English is my second language), but I still fell in love with it. I mean… it’s Death Note. You can’t compare it to any other show. The premise (what would you do if you found a notebook that killed anyone whose name was written in it?) is almost as bizarre as Attack on Titan’s, but it’s intriguing right from the start. I, like most people, obviously fell for the dynamic between Light and L; the genius high school student who decides to use the book to rid the world of evil, and L, the genius detective who’s taken on the task of trying to stop a mass-murderer who is clearly not playing by the rules of mere mortals. Most people consider Walter White as the perfect example of an anti-hero (a protagonist with villainous character traits), but he’s no Yagami Light. The show makes us root for this guy, and for L. Their war of intellect is insanely fascinating to watch, and it constantly makes you go, “yeah, this show is smarter than me”. If you haven’t seen this anime, watch it. The mental battles between these two geniuses seriously get your adrenaline pumping. To this day, people are still discussing what this show was actually about. Ethics? The social issues of Japan? The consequences of hubris? You can rewatch it and reach a completely different conclusion from your first watch, and then rewatch it again and see a new point of view. Oh, and the music is good. Obviously. (DO NOT WATCH THE NETFLIX ADAPTATION. THEY MISUNDERSTOOD THE ENTIRE PREMISE AND FUCKED IT UP. DO NOT WATCH IT. DO NOT WATCH IT.)
Thank you for tagging me (and sorry guys for being slow to respond, I had to think about this one).
Since I procrastinated and everyone seems to have done this one already, I’m going to do my usual lazy tag: if you want to do it, you’re tagged.
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Hard to Read
CW: suicide, abuse, bullying
“Hard to read” was a common phrase I heard growing up, and it continues even today. Hell, even one of my past therapists said that. I used to take it as a point of pride because I had control over the perception people had of me. What I’ve started acknowledging in therapy more recently is that this control was the result of amazingly fucked up childhood environments wrapped in the veil of a gifted boy with a temper, that almost no one could reach.
Anger was the result of circumstances denying expression of sadness. Concealing happiness was the result of ensuring I didn’t stand out to the bullies. I had few friends that I didn’t confide in. Ever. I grew up surviving by concealing myself in social norms and being as unnoticeable.
But that was hard for me. I was the tall kid that had all the answers in class, because I did want to solve the puzzle. I did want to show that I was worth something, because I felt like so many people didn’t believe that of me. It was easy to bully me because overwhelming my senses with shouting and trying to only be angry resulted in me hitting my head against things. Hard. And at all points– all but one, as my mother can attest– I was the one that got in trouble for the disruption.
It culminated the first time in a suicide attempt in sixth grade. It was the result of feeling horrible for the one time I let my anger go against someone else very dear to me– my mother. My mother, whom I had seen the struggles of raising two big, growing boys, who was doing her best, who loved me unconditionally… and I retaliated against her because I couldn’t keep in my frustrations with the world.
WHY?! WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?
Because in that very, very fragile moment, I believed it to be true. My entire life up to that point had been dealing with anger, with not fitting in, with physically abusive bullying, physical abuse from a stepdad, scorn from school administrators whom I was supposed to get help from.
As far as I knew, the world did hate me. And the trespass against my mother, who was the closest thing to sanctuary I had, was the last straw. I felt like I was a threat because of what might happen if I let myself explode. So, I stood on top of my bed, aimed myself at the bedroom window and jumped head first through it, hoping that some of the washed out rocks a few feet below the glass would break my neck and that’d be it.
I came to a few moments later, my mother walking quickly towards me and my brother crying hysterically. I saw how my mother’s body language had changed, how she was trying to keep it together. I saw how devastated my brother was, and heard how much he was apologizing for anything. Everything. I cannot fathom what it looked like, my limp body laying in the dirt as they approached before I started stirring and coming to.
To my mother and my brother: I am so, so sorry for what you went through that day. I am sorry that the world almost took me away from you because of how it treated me. I am so very happy that I failed my attempt. And I am so glad that I could do better than any of those fuckers ever deserved to see me do.
I knew from that point forward that I could never try that again. I knew I wouldn’t. But it sealed me up, emotionally. And I continued reinforcing those walls for decades, because I felt like it was safer for everyone, myself included.
The bullying continued. No one at school, nor any of my friends, knew that I had attempted suicide until well after I left where I grew up. I got punched and handled by others, held down and hit with a jump rope, and so many other things that I can’t recount… but I kept it to myself. I felt like I knew I needed to keep it to myself, to weather it and to put those emotions away so I could survive. I was (am) big, I could take it. So I could make sure that I didn’t hurt anyone else.
And so, the only times I am vulnerable are in places where I am by myself. I rarely experience true happiness around others, but I can by myself. My sorrows, my anger, almost every emotion outside of what would shift others I let out only when I am by myself.
I am hard to read.
I am doing my best to be better with that, but it is difficult sometimes. It was easy for me to cry just now because I was by myself. But I am undoing those bricks, one by one. My therapist has been key in helping me address this, and I am working up the nerves to be vulnerable with people in person.
But as part of this, I also need to acknowledge when people want to help me, and acknowledge what they say about my vulnerability. So I’ve placed this out for the internet to see. It’s easier to be vulnerable to people I can’t see, but I have to start with small steps.
I have to start somewhere.
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TW for gaslighting, verbal and emotional abuse as well as self harm.
my nickname is isa
I’m looking for maybe advice and support?
so, I think my brother is abusive. I’m 20 and he’s 19. i recently started going to therapy due to the sexual abuse I faced as a child/teen and in a random bout of confidence I confided in him and told him what had happened to me. he offered a smoke, but overall didn’t react. and I guess I liked that he didn’t, it made me feel okay because lord knows i was not prepared to cry that night. later on maybe about a week after, I was watching tv and he comes beside me and is trying to get my attention. i play along and we’re teasing and he’s poking fun and he says “hey isa, hey, wanna see this message this gay guy sent me? he’s trying to get with me, he’s trying to molest me, he’s gonna rape me” and I just couldn’t move. i was horrified and when I told him not to say that, he waved it off as a joke and because I’m me, I let it go. another week passes and I’m in the kitchen just chopping nuts for some bread I was making and from behind me he asks what the time is. our oven clock is broken so I say “oh it’s 12 something” and it gets quiet and he says “isa, what do you do in this house? do you have a job, do you make money, do you do anything?”. And I thought he was being fake serious so I played along and said “I go to school” “school…that’s it?” “Yep” and when I turn around he’s just pissed and he has this look of just pure hate.
“When I ask for the goddamn time give it to me, don’t give me that bullshit” and I was just shocked, I kept asking if he was serious and he just kept cursing me out “You’re so stupid, you’re such a fucking bitch. Why are you always so difficult”. And I couldn’t take it, I got my keys and drove to some park and cried just asking myself why I was even here. It’s not the first time he’s yelled at me like that, on more than a few occasions he has punched a wall or gotten in my face to where I can only cry, he’s slapped me once too but to be fair I slapped him first. He was talking about how he wants to kill himself and I panicked and gave him a tap on the cheek, and I didn’t mean to it was honestly just some reaction and before I could apologize he slapped me back, hard. it was kind of funny actually he said “these hands are rated E for everyone, you hit me I’ll hit you back”. i don’t think that really counts though since I did it first but idk. and now he hasn’t said a word to me. he’s ignoring me, won’t speak to me, won’t do anything. and I just don’t know. usually after he yells at me like that he avoids me or gives me a “I’m sorry” text and then we go back to normal but, this time rattled me more than I thought it would. and I don’t know. is he abusive? am I exaggerating? i love him and want to forgive him but, I know it’s not that simple. he was admitted to the psych ward not too long ago and diagnosed with OCD and I get it you know he has some issues he has to work through and I’ve tried to be nicer or just less difficult but no matter what I do it always ends the same. He doesn’t curse out my other siblings, it’s always just me.
Hi isa,
I'm sorry about what you've been through and are going through right now.
OCD and any mental health issues for that matter are no excuse for abusive behavior. What you described sounds abusive physically, emotionally, verbally, and perhaps even psychologically as well.
I don't think you're exaggerating. There is nothing you did or could do to deserve abuse. It sounds like he reacts disproportionately to the situation. You don't deserve to take this. I'm wondering if your parents or guardians are aware of his behavior. If anyone has any tips or suggestions please feel free to add on.
I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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