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babyyoda234 · 1 month
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Gotham is an environmental NIGHTMARE⚠️
This may be a really niche topic, but my degree is currently in Environmental science, so this is on my mind constantly.
Think about it:
The Joker is constantly messing with the air quality with his "laughing gas".
Poison Ivy's pheromones are definitely going to end up in the water supply.
Killer Croc lives in the sewers? Imagine having to deal with a sewer emergency and your boss goes "Dammit Waylon. Again?"
He's not even the only person who lives in the sewers canonically.
Bruce Wayne is constantly flying private. Don't even get me started on Batman and the Justice Leagues carbon emissions...
The Joker is constantly crashing planes/ cars into Gotham Harbor. You know that water is polluted beyond repair. Imagine having Aquaman step in because all the fish are in Gotham are dying...
Not to mention, Batman's rogues are constantly poisoning that water supply.
The Rogues' are also poisoning themselves by working out of old abandoned buildings that are riddled with asbestos....
On the topic of my girl Poison Ivy...
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Can you imagine having this woman in class? Freshman year she teaches the hardest intro level botany course offered. You spend every week going to her office hours hoping to pass her class, then a decade later she is bullying you for not remembering the exact equation for photosynthesis while you clean up the mess SHE MADE. The drama.
Might write a fan fic about this in the next couple months. Comment if you would be interested!
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babyyoda234 · 1 month
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Masterlist🌷
Batfamily:
Three Times the Batfamily has been disgusted by your love life...
Tea Time with Alfred
Alfred’s extra help
Cobblepot's Cabana
Nobody warns you what happens when Superman doesn't catch you
Theories:
Gotham is an environmental nightmare
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babyyoda234 · 3 months
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Three Times the Batfamily has been disgusted by your love life...
Dating is hard... but dating in Gotham... Oh Brother... Here are all the times the Batfamily has been involved in your love life.
1st time: Valentines Day
I've really gotta stop going for nerdy guys. This never ends the way I want it to.
"You know Eddie. You could have bought me dinner..." I call out to the rambling rogue behind me, "Scratch that... I can list off a hundred different date ideas.... That DO NOT INVOLVE THE BATMAN."
I can hear a swift crack followed by a muffled cry.
"I like flowers... I'm sure there was a way you could incorporate a riddle with those."
Footsteps draw nearer.
"I honestly don't even think you are trying. What does a child make, but never see? Come on dude... Work on on yourself. Restraints are fun, but this is ridiculous."
Suddenly, my restraints loosen. Stumbling to my feet, I swiftly turn around to see Batman's foreboding gaze. Eddie lies face down passed out 3 feet away.
"Are you alright?" Batman questions carefully noting my lacy heart pj's on top my push up bra. My diamond question mark necklace glitters in the darkness.
"Uh... yeah... Guess I should probably find an apartment where the Riddler doesn't live next door."
Batman sighs before patting me on the back. I am weirdly comforted by the paternal look in his eyes.
"That would be for the best."
2nd time:
Nightwing raises a pointed eyebrow before covering Robin’s eyes. Robin smacks his gloved hand away.
“Come on…. Y/N…” Nightwing trails off.
I interrupt him before this can get anymore humiliating. Being left to be eaten by a man sized Venus Flytrap after a date is not how I imagined my night to go.
“I do not need a life lesson; I have work tomorrow.”
Robin dutifully unties my restraints. He carefully looks anywhere else except my green lingerie.
Nightwing clears his throat. Rummaging through fallen leaves, he asks
“Do you know where she might have left your clothes?”
I shake my head before I start searching the drawers to the nightstand. My sweaty palms create some difficulty turning the knobs.
“You know…” Nightwing continues leaning against the wall, “If you ever wanted to go on a date with someone who wasn’t going to be sent to Arkham… I’ve got this brother.”
My heart starts pounding. This is not happening. Robin’s jaw drops in disbelief.
“Are you seriously trying to set up Red Hood right now?” He gasps incredulously.
Both vigilantes listen to something being said into their ear pieces.
“Well, Jaybird. She’s prettier than anyone you’ve been talking to lately.”
My mouth gasps silently like a fish. Robin finally looks me up and down. He nods before agreeing. This child did not just....
Trying to ignore the hot waves of embarrassment, I finally force words to come out.
“GET OUT! I’ll find them myself!”
3rd time:
“Okay… but this time was not my fault.” I explain raising my hands in surrender. “How was I supposed to know that Two Faces favorite song would be ‘22’? I have to make a living somehow!”
Batgirl tries to keep a straight face, but when she glances back at Red Robin… they both burst out laughing.
“I’m sorry….” She says trying to be professional, “This isn’t funny.”
“Uh huh…” I respond narrowing my eyes at them.
Realizing my mortification, their laughter slowly dies down. The teenage vigilantes grow as serious as possible.
“So, Two Face took you captive after you dedicated 22 by Taylor Swift to him?” Robin questions analyzing the crime boss’s de office.
“Yes, I work at the iceberg lounge as a singer.”
“Where you ever an associate of Harvey Dent before his accident?”
My face goes red. This is not how I wanted today to go. I hate adding fuel to their fire.
“Something like that. I made some mistakes early in college.”
Batgirl bites her quivering lip to avoid laughing again. She checks her clip board left by Gordon.
“We’ll make sure GCPD gets back your… 2 themed underwear that went missing?”
I fantasize about those birds that slam their head underground to avoid conflict.
“I just want my computer. He can… keep the rest. I’m sure he’d like wearing it more than me.” I awkwardly trail off wrapping the robe tighter around my body.
Red Robin nods before muttering something into his ear piece.
“Okay, we’ll be on the search for that. I’m sure Red Hood can drop it off when he raids the lair tonight."
I start laughing before taking a step back. Putting my hands up, I interrupt.
“I can pick it up at Gordon’s office tomorrow. There’s… no need for… any of that.”
The two teens share a glance.
“Are you sure?” Batgirl inquires with a knowing smile in my direction.
I raise an eyebrow.
“Leave me out of this. I do not need to end up dead in crime alley because you guys thought it would be a good idea to set me up with your brother.”
Laughter can be heard in their comms. I vaguely make out “She’s got a point” in Nightwing’s voice.
With a reluctant grin, Batgirl shrugs. Before the vigilante duo leave, Red Robin flashes me an ornery grin.
“See you later.”
I respectfully flip them both off. Laughter echoes down the hallway as they leave.
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babyyoda234 · 3 months
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Nobody warns you what happens when Superman doesn't catch you
The howl of the wind as it rushes past your ears. For a moment, It's like you’re flying. The city’s dazzling from above. Take a moment to appreciate it, before gravity takes its course. Imagine the sound your bones make as they shatter against the pavement. Each moment pure agony as your bones splinter to pieces. How each atom of oxygen is thrust from your lungs.
Nobody warns you what happens when Superman doesn’t catch you. The crowd that inevitably forms. Camera flashes capture every twisted angle of what used to be whole. Poor girl. She’ll never be the same. For a man who can fly at the speed of light, It’s fascinating how long it took him to leave. Falling was easy. The months following repeat the same cycles of Hell. Newscasts flood the public with details: How could Superman let his girl fall? 
“My life is outside of Smallville. They can’t expect me to save everyone.”
The wild rush of emotions that follow. Friends you lose along the way. When the world perceives his light as the sun, every shadow casts has a similar silhouette.
Nobody warns you what happens when Superman doesn’t catch you. The divergent routes taken. Old betrayed by new. So when you get a job in a new city: You smile. Looking at the new horizon with hope. Knowing damn well that if any of these Jokers come after you, there's a new friend watching from the skyline above....Not that you need them though
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babyyoda234 · 3 months
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How I see Jason Todd
Season: Winter
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Silent Winter Mornings.
The full moon illuminates a snowy forest. The kind of morning when you awake to a chill, yet somehow are wide awake. You brew a coffee. Drink it black. Enjoy the moment. While taking a walk outside, listen to how the twigs snap under your weight. How the wolves howl in the distance. Spend the rest of the morning curled up next to the fireplace with your favorite book. Notice how the windows are covered in condensation from the heat mixing with the winter chill. Bonus points if you fall back asleep to the sound of the wind hissing through the trees.
Physical features: For such an imposing figure, there is a surprising amount of tenderness to the man. Calloused fingers wipe away your tears. Scarred arms that give the best hugs. Jason's sturdy figure could hold all my broken pieces before they shatter.
Jason reminds me of every part of myself that is full of silent rage. The grief that others would claim I should have dealt with by now. Every time I scream at a god I don't even believe in. Is it arrogance or desperation that makes us act this way? It's easier to plan the destruction of a god than to accept someone is gone forever. It's not fair. None of this is fair... It's maddening. Yet, just like Jason behind all my rage is a sense of dread that lurks behind my loneliness.
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babyyoda234 · 4 months
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Batfamily as my favorite seasonally depressed Taylor Swift songs 🥶❄️
Bruce: Peace (Folklore)
Selina: Cowboy Like Me (Evermore)
Jason: My tears ricochet (Folklore)
Damien: No body no crime (Evermore)
Cassandra: Mad Woman (Folklore)
Dick: Gold Rush (Evermore)
Tim: This is me trying (Folklore)
Alfred: it’s time to go (Evermore)
Barbara: The last great American dynasty (Folklore)
Bonus:
Clark: Dorothea (Evermore)
Diana: The 1 (Folklore)
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babyyoda234 · 4 months
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Tea Time with Alfred
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Context: Alfred has always been a close family friend of your Grandma. After her death both of you haven't been dealing with the grief very well, so you decide to start hanging out more to ease the pain. (Y/G/N: your grandma’s name)
Knocking on the door to Wayne Manor, I fumble with the basket of muffins in my left hand. A very confused Jason opens the door.
"Look Y/N..." He begins awkwardly shifting his balance. Guilt spreads across his sculpted features.
"With love, I'm not here for you." I interrupt putting my hand up to silence him, "Whatever you have to say, save it for another time."
Brushing past him, I wander down the hallway past a dozen or so portraits of the Wayne family. With the high ceilings and shelves filled with books older than my great Grandma, I narrowly get lost in the grandeur. One of the glass shelves catches my attention. A much younger looking Alfred beams up at me while a soaked brunette angrily swats at his shoulder with a shoe. My heart contracts when I recognize the woman. Years before she got sick, Y/G/N was radiant. Although the photo is in black and white, I know for certain she is wearing her faithful orange sweater that was in rags by the time I came around. The photo reads: Alfred's revenge London 1965. My eyes well up with tears at the thought of her being so healthy. The image of how frail she looked in that hospice bed will forever be burned in my heart.
The next photo over shows Alfred, Grandma, and I at my first visit to Gotham. Freshly nine, Gotham was such an adventure. Driving into the city was... nothing short of magical. There may have been crime in every corner, but her stories brought much needed light into the city. My 9 year old self hadn't yet grown into herself. With cracked glasses I had broken moments prior and aggressively neon braces, my fashion had a long way to go. I was probably too big to go on Alfred's shoulders at that point, but he picked me up anyway for the walk around the city. The crowded boardwalk behind us sold the best deep fried oreos in Gotham city. A teenager at the time, Dick had convinced me that the secret ingredient was cocaine... As an adult looking at Gotham city, that joke may not be too far off.
The infamous smell of Alfred's baking grounds me to the present. Dickie isn't stealing my gameboy anymore. He's happily living in Bludhaven revamping their police force. Shit, I really need to call him back. How do you tell someone that if you talk about it there is no guarantee that the crying will ever stop?
It doesn't matter what he’s been saying. It's better to not burden him with this. I take a deep breath to avoid a breakdown. Cookies. Tea time. Glancing at my watch, I realize I'm five minutes late. Classic y/n.
Alfred's back is to me when I finally stumble into the kitchen. A mischievous grin emerges on my face as I creep closer making a conscious effort to silence my footsteps. Jason used to say that watching the two of us sneak up on each other was like watching a cheetah stalking its prey. Of course, Alfred always made it look so easy though. Halfway there....
Stirring a bowl of brownie batter by hand, he calls out to me.
"You've got to do a lot better than that if you want to sneak up on me."
I stifle a laugh throwing my hands up in surrender.
"Sorry Alfie.... Old habits die hard. You would not believe what happened to me today..."
Conversing with the older man fills a void, I have been missing. Telling him about life made everything less scary. If I can spin these horrifying events into a joke during tea time.. well I guess I can survive it.
Alfred isn't one to diverge intense grief, yet I will never forget how heartbroken he was when he explained how painful it was to talk to me. Although our features may be completely different, it was the mannerisms that hurt the most to see: the way I held my hands when I was nervous, the anxious laughter in stressful situations, the silly regency romance novels that sat on my bedside table, the intense hatred of the barren winter... My entire being has been shrouded by her love. For better or worse.
The first couple months, I could almost pretend she wasn't gone. Working two jobs while attending school doesn't give me much time to reflect. However, the holidays left an unspoken hollow void. The empty seat at dinner. The contact I would instinctively dial. The horrible sinking in my chest when I remembered the phone would ring forever.
At the beginning, I think we both pretended we were talking to her. Now as I cackle over his photo collection of Tim falling asleep in public places, I realize how much I love the man who was so important to her. This pain may always stay with me, but what is grief if not love persevering?
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babyyoda234 · 4 months
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Cobblepot's Cabana
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Summary: Working for Oswald Cobblepot has its perks. Mr. Cobblepot always gives out Christmas and summer bonuses, you get excellent health insurance... However, working at a pool owned by one of Batman rogues can put you at odds with the Caped Crusader himself. One day, the Riddler and Killer Croc team up to defeat Batman. This team endeavor doesn't work out the way they expected.
Lifeguard POV:
There wasn’t any mention of how to handle situations like this during the certification. Teenage boys doing back flips into the shallow end? Yes. Nose bleeds? Of course. Clocking into work to find the Gotham knight fighting not one, but two of his rogues on the pool deck? Absolutely not. Nothing could have prepared me to witness the all out brawl that was occurring during my shift. Or the fact that Killer Croc’s tail defensively slapped the Riddler, Batman, and Robin into the pool. Tyler hands me the lifeguard tube with a sly smile.
“Good luck with that. I’m going to go pee.”
If I wasn’t so concerned for the teenage vigilante getting his face pushed underwater by a crocodile, that would have been incredibly annoying.
Staring at the drowning quartet, I am faced with a dilemma.
Do I get paid enough for this? (No)
Would interrupting the feud end with my imminent death? (Probably)
Poor Eddie Nygma flails desperately against the waves made by Killer Croc and Batman wrestling. For such an intelligent guy, one would have assumed he would at least know how to doggy paddle... One would be wrong. Every time the man, known to the rest of the world as the Riddler, touches the water... He sinks. It's honestly impressive how quickly he can reach the bottom of the pool. His panicked green eyes cause my heart to swell.
Dammit... Fine.
Within moments, I plunge into the icy water. Of course today of all days Cobblepot would turn the temperature down for dramatic effect. Fighting against Killer Croc's waves, I lunge for Eddie first. Avoiding his panicked limbs, I shove the buoy flush against his chest. Eddie clings onto the life preserver with a grateful gaze as I meet a face full of salt water.
My eyes burn from the impact. Resurfacing a few feet away, the vigilante/ crocodilian brawl somehow managed to turn on the manual waves. I watch in disbelief as Eddie gets pulled in their direction. His feverishly pale skin and blue lips chill me to my core.
"Oh.. No you don't!" I gasp struggling against the current. Another wave pushes me under. Stay calm. You've done this before. Opening my eyes, my heart stops when I register what I am face to face with.
Void like black eyes stare emotionless in my direction. With skin so grey and smooth, I'm almost tempted to run my hand across. However, the hundreds of sharp teeth keep me at bay. There's a shark in the pool, King Shark, to be exact... and he's not happy about the wrestling match going on above. Typical Gotham. Funny enough, I checked the attendance log this morning. Nanaue canceled his membership months ago, but that's none of my business.
From the corner of my eye, I vaguely make out the faint outline of the drowning boy wonder. The kid’s head is above water for now, but the heavy plated Robin suit cannot be easy to swim in.
Sometimes, King Shark confuses the lifeguards for poolside snacks. Easy mistake really. Cobblepot had warned us previously of the last guard who got eaten. Unzipping my fanny pack, I fumble for my saving grace: a small tuna packet from my morning lunch. Offering it to the shark, I await his response. That must have been the right move because a smile emerges with hundreds of teeth barring all at once.
Pressure and panic spreads throughout my body from the lack of oxygen. Crawling to the surface, my lungs gasp for air while I assess the current situation. Eddie's conscious, yet even with the raft his lips are still tinged with blue from his underwater adventure. Robin's fighting with less vigor than before. He doesn't have much time. Killer Croc is in his element. And Batman? Well, like any Florida man wrestling with their local wildlife: he's doing his best. His sluggish movements are showing how much the cape and his weaponry are weighing him down.
Considering my options, I make the dumbest split second decision of my life: I ask for help. Diving under the oncoming waves, I gesture towards King Shark with as much pleading as I can muster. I don't speak Shark, but I motion to my fanny back to insinuate their would be more fish ahead. Nananue slowly nods his head before circling the water around me.
For a second, I think my life is over. Maybe my parents were right to throw a fit when I announced my acceptance into Gotham U. I'm sure Metropolis Lifeguards’ don't have to make bargains with their local trespassing aquatic life.
To my relief, King Shark doesn't bite my head off. With an impatient shimmy, he waits for me to hold on. I shrug before crawling on his back. We cut through the waves with such ease that I find myself in awe of the cartilaginous fish. If I swam like that, I would bum off Oswald Cobblepot too. The Riddler and his life raft tug loosely behind due to the harness around my waist.
Checking my watch, I frown.
Tyler was supposed to take me off stand ten minutes ago. That bastard. From the empty pool deck, I bet he left work early again... for the 3rd time this week.
Speeding past the giant iceberg in the center of the pool, King Shark reluctantly slows down once we near the frail looking teenager. Before I can hoist the kid up, Nananue eyes the young boy with interest.
"Don't even think about it. If you eat Robin, I have to explain to Cobblepot how you've been staying here for months without paying for a membership."
With an exaggerated sigh, the Shark man allows me to hull the kid half way out of the water. Somehow, Robins mask managed to stay on during the kerfuffle. His wet black hair sticks to his forehead. He's got a pulse. He's breathing. Reaching the pool deck, Robin’s limp form is proving ridiculously lofty to move.
Across the pool deck, Batman somehow managed to tranquilize Killer Croc. His damp armor makes a hilarious ~squish~ noise with every step. Eddie sprawls on his back muttering something I assume to be riddle associated. Robin's starting to regain color.
Thank goodness, I didn't have to do CPR; I do not want to be the one responsible for breaking the Boy Wonders ribs.
One eye flutters open, then the other. The intensity of his blue eyes catches me off guard.
"Instead of saving my life," He rasps with a mischievous grin, "Can you save my phone number?"
Very original.
I briefly consider shoving him back into the pool. If I hadn't spent the last 20 minutes trying to save his life, I would have. Instead of responding, I make eye contact with his Guardian.
"I'm going to need to ask you two to leave." I elaborate gesturing to my watch, "The pool closes at 9."
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babyyoda234 · 4 months
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Hot girl songs that the Batfamily would unironically listen to (Headcanon)
Dick: Obsessed by Mariah Carey
Jason: Born to Die by Lana del Ray
Tim: Seventeen by Marina and the Diamonds
Damien: Misery Business by Paramore
Stephanie: Get Him Back by Olivia Rodrigo
Barbara: Piece of me by Britney Spears
Bruce: Only Happy when it Rains by Garbage
Catwoman: Breakfast by Dove Cameron
Alfred: The Bitch is Back by Elton John
Bonus:
Clark: Blank Space by Taylor Swift
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babyyoda234 · 4 months
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Batfam as my Favorite Greek Myths
Part 1?
Jason: Icarus
Arrogant. Cocky. Hot tempered. Icarus was too eager. Too young. Many blame the poor boy for his foolish actions, yet never consider how irresponsible it was for Daedalus to put him in this situation. A prodigal son turned a cautionary tale when he was just a boy.
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Damien: Hercules
Cursed by a Mother. Transformed into a weapon as a boy. Hercules spent the rest of his life trying to gain forgiveness for his past mistakes.
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Alfred: Chiron
Trainer of Heroes. When you love those who's job is to look after others, who looks out for them?
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Bruce: Sisyphus
Sisyphus was cursed to relive the same burden every day due to his hubris in believing that his cleverness surpassed Zeus Himself. He ruled his kingdom with an Iron fist. Considering how Gotham's Rogues were inspired by Batman... Bruce may be pushing this rock up a hill for a long time.
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(Exclaimer: None of the art is mine. I found it on Pinterest lol. I couldn't find the artists, so please tag credit in the comments if you recognize the artist. )
If you like the ideas, I could always do a one shot ;)
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babyyoda234 · 4 months
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Alfred’s extra help
Batfamily x new maid part 1
The past couple years haven't been kind to Alfred. Although, he would never admit it... His years have slowly been catching up with him. After a recent attack on the household, Alfred took it upon himself to hire some extra part time help during the school year. The new help just so happened to be a college band kid in desperate need of money. This is how it went.
Jason:
It was the little things, Jason had decided, that made the family enjoy the extra addition to the household. The faint singing that could be heard three doors down as she made her usual morning rounds. Dusting. Bleaching . Sweeping. It didn't matter what she was doing: music always played in her head. If you were lucky, sometimes you'd get to hear it too.
Alfred:
Monday Mornings were Alfred's favorite. After a long weekend of dealing with super-powered vigilantism, Alfred looked forward to the way she would clock into Wayne Manor with shy grin. It didn't take much prompting to get a play by play of how the Gotham U football game went. The Batfamily had never considered her being targeted by Batman's Rogue Gallery until Halftime was interrupted by the Joker emerging from a comically large birthday cake. When reinforcements arrived, they were shocked to discover the entire Color Guard beating the Joker senseless with their wooden rifles. To any outsider, this would have appeared to be part of the choreography with the way each guard member chanted "5,6,7,8 SLAM DOWN."
Y/N couldn't figure out why Nightwing, Red Hood, and Red Robin had all come to check on her until Monday morning when the door opened to reveal a hallway full of smiling Wayne's. Even Damian couldn't help, but give her a hug... after an intense lecture on how dangerous the Clown Prince of Crime was.
Even more confusing was the way Damien's older brother, Jason, would always end up forgetting something at the manor when she worked. After chatting for a couple hours, she would say her goodbyes and silently acknowledge the fact he left empty handed... again.
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Damien:
Damien admired the dedication on display. In the early morning mist when she thought nobody was awake, the wooden rifle would make an appearance. With the kitchen wiped down and the oven on self cleaning, all there was to do was wait. Damien admired her resilience when practicing rifle. Each brutal slap of the wood and metal on skin had to be painful, but she never complained when the bruises littered up and down her forearms. She was radiant. In her element, it was easy to get distracted by the crisp rotations on display. One day, he hoped she would feel comfortable enough to show him a few tricks... until then he enjoyed his early morning performances.
Dick:
Dick had warned her against working for Bruce from the beginning. The Bats mood swings could drain even the sweetest of souls. The relentless pursuit of a better Gotham has always been tainted by the blood of those lost. Bruce Wayne was not always known as the nicest guy to work for. Yet, after years of witnessing the tragedies of Gotham... Dick couldn't help, but notice the way her eyes shone with excitement whenever they would visit a new part of the city. The alley Scarecrow tested his fear toxin for the first time now is littered with book shops, ice cream parlors, diners, etc. In every area seeped with trauma, a fresh perspective forms. The quiet formality that he had grown accustomed to growing up in the Manor faded away. It was a nice change.
Tim:
Tim didn't even notice there was a change in the household until he stumbled into her conversation with Jason for the 3rd time that week. Typically, her shift would have been over at 3pm, but since her classes had been canceled that day she had worked overtime. With Jason's sudden reappearance after months of no contact, Tim took note of the way his older brother's voice deepened ever so slightly whenever she was in the room. Or how during Saturday night patrol they always managed to spot Red Hood "doing business" on a building close enough to the stadium to watch halftime. If anybody questioned it, Jason would have fiercely denied any interest claiming that he was merely "watching out for the Joker".
Tim mostly minded his business whenever she was working. His night life tended to consume most of his waking time, so if he got sleep (big if) he tended to wake up hours after she left. Mostly he appreciated the cute little animals she would make out of the groceries that week. One day, he opened the fridge to a cheese ball that looked like a turkey. Two olives made the eyes and each of the turkeys feathers were made out of crackers. His favorite had to be when she made a Robin out of Bell peppers and Grapes. Tim had left his sketchbook out the night before flipped to that exact drawing. After she had cleaned the kitchen, she left the treat along with a note explaining how beautiful she thought the drawing was.
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