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myfandomprompts · 11 months

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Is there anything left for us? || Will (Salad Days) || (2/2)

Will x Reader [Part 1]

Summary: You've been struggling with your feelings for Will for years. Then he calls you after the worst mistake of his life and you feel the world crumble around you.

Word count: 5.6K

Warnings: smut, angst, swearing

All reason aside, I just can't deny, love the guy ♪

"Will... where is Matt?"

And just like that, he was escaping your gaze again.

He bit his tongue, thinking over what to say. “He… he left town. I think.”

“Will…” you breathed out, the both of you knowing perfectly well that you would see through his lie.

He lowered his head, gaze on his bandages, sighing. “How did you know?”

“Leah. She just told me that Tom was…”

“You talked to Leah?”

“Yeah. She hasn’t heard-”

“Tell me you didn’t tell her I was fucking here.”

You pause, thinking of what to say before answering. “No, of course not Will. She is just worried, and honestly, I am too. Don’t you think I can see what you are going through at the moment?”

He stressfully messes with his hair again before taking a deep breath. “’sorry…”

“It’s okay…” you reply softly, fighting the urge to wrap your arms around him in an attempt to soothe him. You had no idea how he would react if you did, but needed to have him close, to act. So you chose to be the one to put your head on his shoulder.

He let you.

“… he brought up my mum,” he whispers after a bit, making you frown next to him. “He talked about her and I just…”

You felt him tense beneath you, his voice definitely growing weaker. He had talked about his mother only once in all of the time you had known him, and even though you had wanted to, you had never dared bring up again.

“Matt?” you risk, not daring to raise your gaze at him.

You hear him sniff loudly. “I fucked up Y/N."

Saying that, he looked at his bandages again, and it hit you. Will was hot-blooded, and Matt was loud-mouthed. They had just robbed a store, Tom was caught, and they panicked. It was not difficult to guess that things had escalated. You swallowed but managed to keep your cool as you slowly withdrew your head in order to look up at him. The top of his cheeks were reddened by sorrow, frustration, regret.

“Can you tell me where he is, Will? Please. Leah’s worried. I won’t tell her anything else I swear.”

You heard him swallow before shaking his head, not looking at you, and you were doomed to stare at the way his eyelashes cast shadows over his blue eyes, contrasting with his skin.

"No… no I can't do that, he's just… he's…"

He took a deep breath again and the pain in his face disappeared as he forced himself to control his emotions.

"He's what, Will?" you press gently, tightening your grip on his sleeve. "Will?"

His eyes meet yours, and beneath the hard blue you see guilt, and it makes your skin shiver. How much you hated seeing him like this.

"Why are you not afraid of me?"

His question makes you blink, but you maintain his gaze, expecting to see something, anything that indicates that he was joking. "Why would I be? You're my friend."

“Don’t pretend that you haven’t figured it out. You talked to Leah, you know that…” he clenches his jaw, withdrawing from your gaze and into the emptiness. “You know what I’ve done. So why are you not terrified of me right now?”

Your lips part in disbelief as you watch his breath quicken and his eyes grow dark.

"I don't know what you are imagining in that head of yours but I am not scared of you. I'm scared for you, Will," he inhales in relief. "You might not see it but I'm here for you, always have been."

"That's not true," he instantly says, and even though he had lost that angry glare in his eyes, the hurt you now saw in them had worsened.

"What?"

“You’re not… You left. At the party. You fucking left like it didn’t matter to you.”

You stare at him in disbelief, swallowing before uttering what you were afraid of talking about, but the question burning your lips. "Is that why you went to Leah?"

You hadn't meant to sound so sour, but you did, and you instantly regretted it.

But Will didn't seem to notice it, his eyes slightly widening. "...She told you, didn't she?"

You considered lying for a moment, but you couldn't, it was Will. Instead you gave him an apologetic look, one that gave enough answer.

He let out a low groan, getting up before you could stop him, and walked away from the couch in obvious agitation.

"It's okay," you caught up with him, worried to have upset him further, "I always knew you liked her, and I'm… sorry I left. I wish I hadn’t."

Will turned to you abruptly, his expression a mix between hurt and anger. "You know nothing," he fumed, pointing a finger at you, his mood drastically changing before your eyes. “You left… You fucking left that night, the only person I could- the only person I-"

He didn’t finish, the words seemingly too hard for him to say out loud as he shook his head again in frustration. Then he stops moving, face hardening as he stares at you for a long time, as if considering something he could not bring himself to do. There was so much he was saying with his eyes, you couldn’t decipher all of it and it overwhelmed you. His breath suddenly heightened, and without warning he suddenly grabbed his bag and turned away from you.

“I’m leavin’,” he announced, making for the door.

“What? No!” you exclaimed, coming to stand between him and the exit, not believing the scene that unfolded before your eyes.

He took a few jagged steps towards you, eyes shining with determination and a clenched jaw. “Let me pass Y/N. You don’t want me here, trust me on this.”

“But the police…” you let out, thinking fast.

“I’ll take my chances.”

"No,” you state firmly, pressing yourself on the door frame so you could meet his merciless gaze. “You called me, I came, so now you let me help you.”

He stares at you, chest heaving, his knuckles gripping the straps of his bag between you both. He looks at a loss, eyes searching yours frantically for something to argue with and you see him lick his lips in annoyance, his frustration radiating off of him and making you tense in turn. You would not let him leave, he just had to understand.

But after the heavy silence something flashes red in his eyes, his threatening demeanour found again and he is suddenly advancing on you, watching you like you are some kind of nuisance he wants to get rid of in the most horrid of ways.

You know that look, and you swear to yourself that you will not falter under it, whatever may come.

“Do you know what I do? What I really do?” he starts, voice a low growl that reverberates inside your chest. “I lied to you, Y/N. All those years, I just steal, con, and fuck people up, because that’s apparently all that I’m good at.”

“Will-”

“No,” he interjects, angrier than before and you try to keep your composure despite the way he glares down at you, towering over you as if he wanted to leave you no space to breathe at all. “There is just nobody that fucking cares enough to see me, so I just do it. Because I’m good at it, and because it feels good. You think you know me? You think you can help me? Well, you can’t.”

You are certain he doesn’t realise it, but the hurt in his eyes is more apparent than his anger, and it makes you speechless. Speechless enough not to retort that you do know him, that it was just a matter or self-trust on his part. You desperately want to tell him that you would do anything to help him. But the way he looks at you makes you unable to move, frozen.

Your silence only fuels his resolve further as he leans towards you, one of his hands coming to rest on the door frame right next to your hair, his bag forgotten on the floor. You inhale sharply, feeling the intensity of his emotions reach under your skin like hot steel, trapping you, but you still try not to blink and hold his gaze.

"And now, I’ve led the guys to an armed robbery, in a fucking store, because I could. Because it would bring me money. And we got it. I stole my fucking nan’s car and I did it. Then you know what happened?” he continued, bringing his face ever closer to you and you had to press your feet against the door frame to avoid your bodies from clashing, your head hitting the hard wood. “I kidnapped a guy, because I had to. Because the guys were fucking lost, and I had to handle everything, otherwise we were fucked. And guess what happens to witnesses, Y/N?”

He let the question hover in the air for a moment, watchful of your reaction, voice hoarse from his confession and the trace of his voice left on your skin. You don’t know if it’s the lack of fear in your eyes that makes him hesitate to continue, but when he speaks again there is something shaking in it.

“We make them disappear,” he almost whispers, eyes roaming your face. “I did what I had to do, and I got rid of him.”

He looks lost in thought for a moment, gazing down somewhere near your neck before meeting your eyes again.

You know what he wants, and you know how much you are willing to fight him on this. He wants to scare you, to make you yield, and you want to scream no at him, but it’s not what you do. But instead you draw shaking breaths and find your voice again.

“It’s not true,” you breathe out, shaking your head, nose almost brushing his in the process. “I know you didn’t kill him. You released him.”

You thought he was about to snap at you again, the sharp inhaling of his nose putting you on your guard, but instead he does something you hadn’t expected. His head lowers over your shoulder like it was too heavy for him to handle, as if his body had drained out of all energy while he exhales deeply, his hand on the door behind you as sole support.

“It’s not the worst part Y/N…” you heard him say below your ear, almost in sorrow. “Tom… Matt…”

You try your hardest not to move a muscle as he lifts his head from your shoulder to look back at you, bringing his other hand between your faces and looking at his bandaged knuckles.

“I beat up my best friend. This-” he points out, flexing his fingers in front of your face, “is what came from it. I beat him up, because I wanted the money. Because I was jealous.”

He emphasised the last word with a bitter tone, his face full of pain as he finally let his hand fall to your side.

You can’t help but widen your eyes a little at the thought of them fighting. Of Will winning.

He must have noticed, because his lips twitch and all the anger disappears from his face, his gaze pins you where you're standing. "So, terrified yet?”

Your eyebrows contort in hurt as you slightly shake your head, the hands at your side coming to take his elbows gently. “No. No I’m not,” you state softly, earning a confused look from him. “I know you didn’t want this. You told me earlier. Will…”

“You’re fucking not hearing me,” he warns furiously, eyes a little threatening as he pushes himself from the wall.

It gives you the opportunity to take his arm and hold on to it, to never let go. “No, Will, you’re the one not listening. Matt is not dead, you are with me, and I don’t know why you lied about so many things, to me, to the guys… But it stops now. You know you can trust me, and I won’t let you think otherwise.”

“Stop that,” he mutters harshly, making you stop in your words by the way he steps away from you with hurt, making you lose your grip on him.

“Stop what?”

“Pretending like you fucking care. You don’t, nobody does. It was pretty fucking clear when you left the other night, you didn’t even try to understand. I… I want to trust you, but it's just too hard, there are things that I can’t…” he trails off again without finishing, and you are left with his anger and spite again. “At least if you don’t care, it makes it fucking easier.”

You feel blood pounds in your ears from his accusation, your lips parting in disbelief. “Is that what you think? That I left because I didn’t care? You have no idea how untrue it is Will,” you exclaim in irritation. “It was just, hard for me to… to…”

“To what?” he presses, searching your eyes, clearly pissed off while you search for the right words. But none are found and you are left to stare helplessly at him, unable to admit the selfish truth. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he sneers.

The hurtful words he utters seem to awaken something in you like a hot flame, the realisation that you are slowly losing him for the first time in your life, and your instinct kicks in, pushing you forward and closing the space between you, capturing his lips without warning.

You feel him freeze against you, but your mind is empty, focused on proving him wrong, your muscles only controlled by your feelings that you let flow through your touch as you press your hand somewhere over his shoulder. It’s surreal, like everything falls into place until you realise what you’re doing and feel mortified. You detach your lips from his but one of his hands is now firmly holding the back of your neck, holding you into place. Still he hadn’t moved, nor said anything and when you open your eyes there is just him, his scent, his touch and the way his eyelashes brush your cheek as he opens his eyes.

“Are you fucking kidding me.”

Then his other hand cups the other side of your face and takes your mouth again, kissing you hungrily and you feel momentarily lightheaded. You don’t understand what exactly is happening but you just know that the anguish you have felt for years starts to dissipate in your heart, only to be replaced with a fear that this was only a moment of desperation.

You decide that you don’t care. Whatever his feelings are, you can't help but act on your own, deciding to deal with whatever pain will come later.

You take hold of his shoulders and kiss him back, parting your lips to allow him entrance. You feel all his anger and his frustration pouring into it, his lips as soft as you imagined, tasting like cigarettes. It’s comforting, like something that you had known all of your life, and you reach for his hair, for the softness of it, daring to press your body against his.

It’s warm, hard and soft at the same time, the accumulated tension having not completely left his body yet and you bask in it. After a time he parts for air, voice only a whisper.

“How long?” he asks, fingers tangling in your hair, making you frown.

“What?”

“How fucking long, Y/N?”

You realise that you understand what he means, even though you would have preferred not to. Above all, you don’t want to answer it, you don’t want to confess this humiliating truth, that you have hidden those feelings for him for far too long.

“Does it matter?” you pant, nibbling at his bottom lip, trying to make him forget about it.

He exhales, breath hot against your skin and you bathe in the warmness of it. “Yes, it does. I want to know… I want to know how much I missed out… How much I’ve messed up.”

It makes you knit your brow in ache, and you are briefly aware that your back is inches away from the doorframe again.

“You didn’t… mess up anything,” you manage, eyelids half open and hands clutching his shoulders. “You just-”

“This is what I do,” he stops completely, eyes now open and looking at you with your chin between his fingers, gently holding it. “I fuck everything up around me, even the people I care about. I just… never wanted it to be you.”

His pupils are dilated, the blue around it looking at your face, at the movement of his fingers below your lips. You have difficulty comprehending that the knot in your stomach is loosening, that it maybe wasn’t just desperation. All you know is that you don’t want to lose this instant, that no matter the future you will have this to cherish forever.

"I don't care Will. I just want you to see I'm yours."

His eyes dart back upwards and he licks his lips, eyes searching yours frantically as you wait. Then a sound resembling a growl escapes his throat so close to you and he is kissing you again, his body pressing you against the door as one hand takes hold of your waist while the other cups the side of your neck. Nothing else seems to exist as you try to keep up with his fervour, his nose brushing against your cheek and your throat tightening with soft sounds threatening to come out.

His tongue leaves your mouth and travels from your jaw to the length of your neck, and you cannot avoid the whimper that your voice, your fingers in his hair squeezing harder in reaction. When he reaches the hollow of your neck, briefly feeling his teeth grazing your skin, you decide that you had enough and drag him to your bedroom, discarding his vest with difficulty in the process. When you reach the bed you take in his flushed face, heaving body and lusty eyes before you kiss him again, turning so you can make him sit first on the bed and straddle him.

“...must be fucking dreamin’...” he mutters, enveloping you with his arms and pulling you so close there is almost no space for you to move, and you can’t help but laugh softly at his comment and at the overwhelming sensation coursing your body.

You feel the bulge in his pants beneath you grow harder as you rock your hips against his slightly, making you gasp softly and him hiss while you tug at his shirt. But he is faster than you, his hands caressing your back, taking the hem of yours and pulling it off over your head, leaving you only in your bra and he growls. You can’t register what it makes you feel deep in your core because he is kissing you again, hands strongly squeezing at your waist and you have to focus to resume your task on his sweatshirt. While taking off the grey cloth he attacks your neck with his mouth, reaching down to your collarbone and you feel him play with your breasts beneath your bra and you decide that you desperately need him there.

You unclasp it, making you bare before him and he stares for a long while, stunned before diving to take one of your buds in his mouth, his free hand cupping your other breast and squeezing it lightly, sending electricity down your spine.

You moan audibly, his lips surrounding it perfectly and you arch your back in pleasure, finding an angle where you can feel his hardness beneath you right against your core. You grab his hair and lift his head from your chest to kiss him again making him groan, and you fear for your sanity with the sound so close to your ears. His hands trails from your breasts to the curve or your ass while you finally get rid of his shirt and you follow his lead, lifting yourself up from him to allow you to take off your bottom layers. While he does the same, you stretch to reach for a condom in your nightstand’s drawer, and he takes this opportunity to come hovering over you, kissing up his way from your thighs to your stomach, to your breast and neck.

“You’re so beautiful,” he praises, his cold chain dangling against your skin on his way up, both the coldness of it and the husky way he talks making you shiver. “...always… wanted to do this,” he murmurs against your lips before kissing you again.

You can’t help but listen to that feeling of uneasiness that remains in your mind and heart. “Really?” you ask, your hand on his cheek to keep him inches apart from your face, thumb caressing it.

He exhales, his hot breath tickling your skin as he stares down at you, eyes hooded but more focused than before. “Yeah… I went to her, Leah…” he states, nervous about uttering her name in this situation but feeling like he has to, he has to explain it to you. “Because deep down I knew I would never get her. But you… With you I was…”

You can hear the missing word echo in your mind, “afraid”, and you feel something in your heart melt. You allow him that silence, choosing to do the same and keep the many names you want to throw at him for being so damn stubborn. Instead you caress his cheek with affection, losing yourself in the blue of his eyes before reaching for his chain softly and pulling it down, forcing him to meet your mouth.

You stay like this for a while, enjoying the renewed passion and the unsaid feelings between you before pushing yourself up on the bed and positioning yourself before him. He watches you rip the wrapper and when you see his erection you can’t help but wet your lips. You momentarily wonder if the rubber will be the right size, but you make quick work of it and it fits, making your insides roar in delight. You barely hear him at that before he drags you into a kiss again, pulling you closer on the bed and flushing his body against yours. Soon you are back to straddling him, firmly holding on to his shoulders and him to your hips so you can hold yourself comfortably. Your wetness meets his head, spreading the slick there and you suck in a sharp breath when you lower down onto him, his thickness making you shudder.

When you enter him you both curse, you in a loud breath and him in a hiss, and your foreheads come to press against each other while feeling the birthing bruises of his grip on your thighs as well as the burning of your walls adjusting to him.

You’re glad you still have control over your trembling thighs because you’re not sure you can go further down for now. The amazing feeling it already gives you as you move up and down over his length, taking him a little bit further each time is already so overwhelming that you forget to regulate your breathing. You feel him tense beneath you, kissing you sloppily while you continue your movements over him, growling against your mouth, both of you panting. When you dare quicken the pace you can’t help but whimper, his cock hitting all of the right spots inside of you as he ruts into you, meeting the rolling of your hips with a delicious rhythm.

It’s just the two of you, pressed against each other and unravelling all of the frustration that ever settled between you. You can feel his tongue trail back over the skin of your breast and nipples as you clench around him, eliciting a growl out of him before he tightens his grip on your hips again and makes you come to a stop. You can feel his dick twitch against your walls and the harsh heaving of his chest, face contorted in lustful pain.

“Fuck-” he pants when he squeezes your hips harder. “Get off, now.”

You whine from the loss of him inside of you when he lifts you up, making you lay back on the bed, and you watch helplessly as he takes hold of your knees, lifting them up slightly and parting your legs further before he is positioned before your aching cunt. You barely have the time to see him lick his lips in hunger before he flattens his mouth over your folds, sucking in exactly like he had done over your nipples and you moan deeply. Both the surprising turnaround and the softness of his tongue on your clit heighten the sensation tenfold, the parts of you previously stimulated and the currently stimulated one creating an amazing mix of pleasure.

Your hand goes for his hair, tugging at it for dear life as he continues his ministrations on you, lapping at your folds. The way you pull his hair makes him let out a satisfied grunt and you gasp at the sensation, the tip of his nose brushing your swollen bud when he looks up at you with darkened eyes.

The building pleasure soon becomes too much to handle and when you reach your peak there is his name on your lips, the way you scream and shake not stopping him from sucking your overstimulated clit through your climax. After a while your breathing slows, your vision clears and you feel his hands caressing your thigh and the familiar scent of him reaches your nose again when he comes back to kiss you, his chain resting in the hollow of your neck. You can taste yourself on him and the way he devours your mouth makes you a whimpering mess again while you wiggle under him with the aftershock.

You feel the fire being reignited within you when you lock your thighs around his hips and adjust yourself so you can feel his cock against your stomach, still hard and ready.

The wait seems endless for you before he plunges into you again, your warmth surrounding him making him hiss with desire and the delicious sensation comes back very rapidly deep inside of you. He goes all the way in, his head meeting your cervix roughly and the brief pain as he starts pounding into you makes you clutch at his back with a moan. You meet the roll of his hips, your late overstimulation a delightful addition to the way he is thrusting against your inner walls and the coiling tension comes back, heart racing in your chest.

You don’t know how long you enjoy the gorgeous feeling of him thrusting into you with ragged breath over your lips before you sense your muscles tightening and his cock throb, his gaze heavy as he watches your pleasured expression change to one of ecstasy. When the tension in your body snaps you convulse around him and let out shattered moans, making him twitch in reaction and reach his release with a strangled noise.

When he goes limp beside you he kisses you again, both of you panting in unison and there is nothing but both of your hot bodies against each other, you still shuddering from the aftermath.

He takes his time to caress your arm after softly withdrawing out of you, eyes hooded and exhausted in pleasure before going to the bathroom rapidly. You take that opportunity to settle your breathing and clear your mind of the wonderful moment you just had, and can’t help but reach for your phone in slight dread, something tugging at you to come back to reality.

Leah’s texts are numerous, but reassuring in some way. You stare at your phone sadly, hesitating.

“What is it?”

Will has reappeared and he is approaching you. You put down your phone and form a sentence you want to be somewhat encouraging. “It’s Matt… He finally came home a while ago, and Leah wants to bring him to A&E. Other than that he is… alright, considering…”

You let your words hang up in the hair while you witness Will deeply inhale, expression unreadable and come to lay beside you on the bed, shuffling the covers.

“Will?” you try, unsure as you turn to face him.

He doesn’t say anything but silently takes hold of your waist and brings you against him on the bed, making you lay face to him, bodies pressed against each other, needing you close.

You watch him intensely, the way his eyes seem to flicker in remembrance of what happened only hours ago, the events that earned him those bandages on his hands, and you take one of them resting on your side.

“Will you take care of Nan for me?”

You part your lips, a little at a loss and ignoring the ill feeling in your chest. “Wh-Why? I mean… Do you intend to turn yourself in?” you stammer, the hard reality coming back in waves in your comfortable shared cocoon.

He fidgets slightly besides you, eyes filling with uncertainty and helplessness. “I… I don’t know.”

You cup his jaw and he leans into your touch. “I don’t want you to go…” you whisper. “You could stay here, forever. They won’t look for you here.”

He sees your half smile and you almost see the ghost of his, but his expression turns sour again. “Will you come with me if I do it? If I turn myself in?”

“Yes, of course,” you say with a weak voice, still in denial that it could, or will happen. But a worse feeling settles in your mind, dread, and you feel your lips moving on their own. “Will… there is something that I need to tell you-”

“No,” he cuts, but his voice is so soft you weren’t sure it was his. “Don’t… make it harder than it already is. Please Y/N.”

You bite your lips as you feel your eyes burning, but you don’t let the tears appear.

He is right. You can’t tell him your true feelings like that, not when everything is on the verge of changing.

You nod weakly, and he can’t look away from you, like a silent discussion going on between the two of you, yet you want to tell him so many things. In the silence and the touch of his fingers over your skin and hair, a comfortable atmosphere settles and his exhaustion becomes more apparent, taking over you as well.

You see him close his eyes as you lean into his warmth convinced that he fell asleep as you drift off in turn.

Only he is not. When you fall asleep, he opens his eyes again, his mind too filled with anguish to allow him to sleep and he is left to watch your relaxed face and your soft breathing. During those sleepless hours, he thinks that he regrets everything, pushing you aside, not letting you in enough, you who saw the best of him when there was nothing to find there. He regrets arguing with you, letting his frustration over his own choices surging over you, and he regrets that he involved you with his mess in the first place.

You didn’t deserve that.

When you wake up it’s still dark outside, and Will is not there anymore. You first believe that what occurred the night before might have been a dream, but there is his recognisable scent around you that shuts your doubts.

You try not to give in to panic, half tempted to search your flat just to be sure, but the sight of a single piece of paper on your night stand makes you abandon this idea and your heart drops in your chest.

You take it with care, ache filling you when you recognise his writing.

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t do goodbyes, and I don’t think you would have let me anyway.

I’m sorry we had so little time, and I know it’s all my fault. I told you, I always fuck it up.

And yeah. I love you. I’m sorry I never got to say it before. On paper it feels easier, but you’re just there and I just have to say it, even if it’s not out loud.

Please take care of Nan for me.

William”

There are no tears in your eyes at first when you stare blankly at the paper.

You don’t understand and there is this nagging feeling that something is wrong with what you are reading, but you shut that emotion off and let space for your tears to flow, one hand coming over your mouth to stop any sounds from escaping.

If he was going to prison, you could visit him, it didn’t have to be the end.

You look at the time and decide to find out for yourself.

You get dressed and on your way out you phone Leah. She is at the station with Matt, she sounds tired and when you hang up you decide to drop by Will’s first, to check on his nan. On him maybe.

She is alone, already in front of a cup of tea this early and when she asks you where your friend is, you can't answer her.

When you arrive at the station, the police don't realise who you are yet, giving you the opportunity to find out that Tom and Matt are in a very bad situation, that Leah had been with him all night, and Will… is not there.

The money is gone, and there are no traces of him.

He ran off.

A/N: There is no words to thank @arcielee, @babyblue711 & @enchantingcupcakecollectionfan for their amazing work and help from them. This fandom is truly amazing.

The scene of the bonfire party was written, but I don't know if I'll publish it. Seems good as it is.

Taglist: @fan-goddess @chainsawsangel

#salad days #fic #will salad days #will #ewan mitchell #smut #angst #os #oneshot #usermyfandomprompts

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dameronology · 1 year

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it's cold outside (natasha romanoff)

for @wokeupinawalnut - for the fic giveaway organised by @startrekkingaroundasgard. i apologise for how late this is, but i hope you enjoy & happy holidays🥰

summary: coming home to you is always natasha's favourite thing

Natasha Romanoff hadn't expected your shared apartment to be so fucking arctic when she came home.

New York was cold at the best of times but it seemed bitingly so when the Quintjet came in to land early that morning. It was too cold even for snow and that just felt like insult to injury. Still though, it was hard for Natasha to feel sad about the weather, knowing that this mission was going to be the team's last before their Christmas break. The idea of getting home, switching off her phone and existing just in the plains of your apartment had been the only thing getting her through. So, after exchanging goodbyes with the rest of the Avengers, Nat hung up her uniform and got into a taxi.

Naturally, every would reunite on the day of Christmas at Tony Stark's insistence, but until then, they'd be off to their own homes. Steve and Bucky back to Brooklyn, Clint back to the farm, Thor back to New Asgard and Tony back to wherever it was that Morgan demanded. The journey for Nat wasn't very long - just over the bridge to your loft in Williamsburg. She'd lived there for the better part of three years now, when she'd come to stay the night a few weeks into your relationship and just never left.

The cold air hit her like a knife (and it was safe to say that Natasha might be the only person here who would know that feeling with accuracy). Even though it was early in the morning - just gone 7AM - you were passed out on the couch, a duvet bundled around you and several blankets. The TV was still on Netflix, the classic are you still watching? messaged displayed on the screen. With that, Nat could easily deduce that you'd probably fallen asleep watching it last night.

"Hey," she leant down beside you, gently brushing a hand over your face. A nice, warm hand against your freezing skin. "Hey. I'm back."

You peeled open one eye, a grin spreading across your tired face. "Nat, hey."

"Why's it so cold in here?" she asked.

"The heating broke," you grumbled. "I called the landlord last night but he's gone back to Arizona for Christmas. We still have hot water so that's...something."

"That explains it," she rolled her eyes. "You're freezing-"

"- Nat," you sat up, duvet falling off your shoulders. "You can turn off mum mode, okay? I know you've just spent a week straight with the guys but I am not stupid like them."

Natasha gave you a smile, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "You're right. Sorry."

"How was the mission?"

"Boring," she took a seat on the sofa beside you, laying her legs over yours. "We went in, got the intel we needed, came home. Textbook, really."

"But did you look good doing it?"

"Of course I did," she grinned. Natasha gave your leg a squeeze before standing up and sticking out her hand, head nodding towards the bathroom. "C'mon, a warm shower will help."

Begrudgingly rolling out of your blanket palace, you followed your girlfriend through the apartment and to the bathroom. If you hadn't missed her so much, you wouldn't have moved come hell or high water. Still though, a warm shower didn't seem like the worst idea. Natasha certainly wanted one after days of trekking through Siberia and honestly, she just wanted to hold you close. Seven days apart wasn't even the longest she'd gone without seeing you.

You stood there like a lemon with ease as she did most the work - just bubbles and soft kisses from Natasha.

The run from the shower to the bedroom was jarring. Clothes flew everywhere as you both ripped apart the wardrobe in an attempt to find the warmest clothes - you were more successful in your attempt, finding some thermal bottoms and a thick hoodie. Six pairs of fluffy socks later, you were content.

"Those are mine," Natasha scowled. "I was looking for those-"

"- they were in my side of the wardrobe," you replied, holding up your hands in defence. "Finders, losers, Nat."

"That's not fair! Those are my special warm socks!"

"Now they're my special warm socks."

Before you could even finish your sentence, Natasha had crossed the room and thrown you onto the bed. She pinned your arms above your head, hands wrapped around your wrists and hair dripping little cold drops of water onto you. You let out a shriek as she did, trying to wriggle free.

"Say your sorry!" she demanded. There was no point in arguing, or trying to wriggle your way out of the grip of a highly trained assassin. She was freakishly strong.

"No!"

"Say. Your. Sorry!"

You tried to fight back a laugh, gaze avoiding Natasha's. "No."

"You're so mean," she pouted. Still, she leant down and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against you.

Natasha rolled off the bed, once again signalling for you to follow after her. She made her way over to the kitchen, hands moving in autopilot to turn on the kettle and pull things out the cabinets.

"Shouldn't I be the one making you breakfast?" you asked. "You just came from a week long mission-"

"- shuddup and sit down," she said. "You're colder than me. Wrap up and I'll be there in two minutes."

Smiling to yourself, you returned to the sofa. It was perfectly indented from where you'd spent the last two days sat there, but you moved some cushions aside to make room for Natasha. As promised, two minutes later she returned with two mugs of coffee and a bagel for you. She'd known since the day you met how you took your coffee; she was trained to be observant but in some way, knowing the intricate details of your life was her love language. There were very few things she didn't know.

Natasha pressed a kiss to your temple, pulling the duvet over herself as she snuggled up next to you. She was perpetually warm - a curse in the summer but a blessing during times like this. You shuffled closer, leaning your head on her shoulder.

"You good there?" she asked.

"Yeah," you smiled. "Just glad you're home."

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff imagines #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff #black widow x reader #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #avengers imagines #avengers #marvel fluff #avengers fluff

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lemon-boy-stan · 2 years

Text

"INTERCEPTION"

summary: you and your boyfriend steve have an interesting phonecall. just while you're about to hang up, your older brother jonathan uses one of the other phones in the house to call nancy and finds out about your relationship with steve. genre: fluff, suggestive. warnings: sexual references, swearing, overprotective older brother jonathan? pairing: steve harrington x byers!reader. an: i basically stole this from that episode in s3 where mike's like, "mum, get off the phone!" lol. also, yn is the middle child but a year younger than steve and jonathan.

A small smile stretched across your face as Steve chuckled softly into the receiver, "oh, baby. You're going to regret saying that tomorrow." and you shrugged, imagining Steve's reaction. "Oh, I don't know, Stevie. I might kind of enjoy it." Steve blew heavily into the phone, "don't be a fucking brat, Y/N. You know what happens -"

"Y/N?" you shrieked loudly, slamming the phone back down on the wall. "JONATHAN!" you yelled up the stairs, "what the fuck are you doing? GET OFF THE PHONE!" Jonathan's footsteps thundered down the stairs and he leaned against the wall, "Actually, the real question is, what are you doing?"

The words stumbled out of your mouth, "I'm. I was talking to Robin." and Jonathan crossed his arms, "oh yeah? Then why did Robin say not to be a fucking brat?" shit. You shuffled your feet, "um. Robin and I are dating. I like dicks and boobies. Get over it."

Jonathan blinked, unsure if you were being serious. "Well, okay. But then why did Robin sound like a guy? Why did Robin sound like Steve Harrington?" and there were two choices to make.

You could tell your brother about Steve, and about how you’d been dating for two years. Or, you could run to Steve’s house, and never have to tell Jonathan. There was no way he was going to follow you. You liked the second solution better.

You paced around Steve’s bedroom, in front of the wall with a collage that consisted solely of photos of the both of you. “And then,” you swore loudly, “and then I said I was talking to Robin.”

And Steve chortled loudly from the bed. You glared at him, “that’s not the worst part! And it’s not funny!” Steve sat up, his eyes widened. “What do you mean, that’s not the worst part?”

You breathed through your nose. “The worst part,” you sat down on the bed next to him even though you weren’t looking at him, not him in the moment, but the collage of photos in the wall, “is that I told him, I told Jonathan, I like dicks and boobies.” Steve snorted loudly. You shook your head, “but that’s not it. You know what he said after?”

Steve shook his head, “no. How am I supposed to know? I wasn’t there.” and you groaned loudly, “it’s a rhetorical question, Harrington! You’re not supposed to answer.” Steve opened his mouth like he understood. You rolled your eyes. “Anyway, so he said, okay. But why does Robin sound like a guy? Why does she sound like Steve Harrington?”

Steve’s mouth dropped open again, this time in horror. “I know!” you shoved your head into his arm, “we’re so fucked!” you groaned loudly into the sleeve of his shirt, but Steve shook his head, lifting your head up so you could look at him. “No,” he spoke determinedly, “no, we’re not, okay? Look, I know Jonathan and I have our differences.” you snorted at this disbelievingly. “Steve, he hates you.”

Steve shrugged, “yeah, I get that. But you’re his sister. He loves you. He’ll be understanding and supportive.” you groaned in dismay, “no he’s not. He’s gonna beat you up again.” shaking your head furiously. “He’s gonna beat you up, and I’m never going to be able to see you again.”

“Hey,” Steve placed his thumb on the bottom of your chin, “hey, Y/N. Hey. That’s not gonna happen, okay? I promise. Hey, it’s gonna be okay. We’re still gonna keep seeing each other, okay? I don’t care what he says. I love you. It’s okay, I love you.”

You melted into Steve’s kiss, calm as soon as his lips touched yours. You sighed shakily, “yeah. It’s gonna be okay.” kissing him this time, “it’s gonna be okay. I love you. It’s gonna be okay.” Steve grinned, pulling you close to him again, “it’s always gonna be okay, baby -”

“HARRINGTON!” you jumped and shrieked loudly, “Steve! You didn’t lock the front door?” and Steve threw his arms up in the air, “I swear I locked it!” You glared at him, “obviously not!” Steve threw his head up, “I’m sorry! I swear I thought I locked it -” but Steve didn’t get to finish. “Harrington! Get off my sister!”

You flew behind Steve. “I’m not here!” you shouted shrilly, “go away!” Jonathan stood at the front of the room, tolling his eyes. “Y/N, come on. We’re going home.” you shook your head and spoke even though you were pretending you weren’t there, “don’t wanna go home. Wanna stay with Stevie.”

Jonathan crossed his arms, “really, Y/N? Stevie? That’s what you’re calling this douchebag? The guy who broke your camera?” it was your camera, and Jonathan was borrowing it.

“Well, you were taking creepy pictures of Nance on it.” you mumbled softly into the back Steve’s sweater. “And anyway,” you said before Jonathan could say anything, “that was a year ago. Get over it. Steve’s my boyfriend, so, you’re just gonna have to deal with it.”

“No he’s not!” Jonathan rose his voice, “he’s not, Y/N, he’s just trying to use you!” you scowled and looked up from Steve’s sweater to glare at your older brother, “no he’s not! I love him!” then you went back to hiding behind Steve, quiet. You couldn’t be bothered to get up.

Jonathan laughed, “are you serious? He doesn’t love you, Y/N.” and your human shield got up, “YES I DO!” roaring the words loudly, you scrambled into the bed and under the covers. “I do love her, you insufferable -”

“Like how you loved Nancy?” Jonathan was breathing through his nose and you jumped up from the bed, standing just a little bit behind Steve, crossing your arms. “that’s not fair! Nancy was the one who left Steve. But I’m not! You can’t make me leave him, Jonathan. I love him.” the tears started to form in your eyes. What if you never got to see Steve again? You won’t be able to if you don’t leave now.

Steve hastily turned to look at you and swore loudly. “Fuck you, Jonathan! You’re making her cry. Stop stressing her out.” you shook your head, “no, it’s okay. I’m fine. It’s okay. I’ll just go home, it’s okay.” your lip was trembling.

“Y/N, I’m trying to keep you safe,” Jonathan spoke quietly. Steve pulled you into his arms, glaring at him. “No, you’re not! You’re just trying to keep us from dating because you don’t like me! She’s not a little kid anymore, Jonathan! She’s eighteen and I love her!”

You sniffed softly into Steve, “I love you too.” and Jonathan dropped his hands by his sides, “you really love her?” Steve’s arms were still around you, “yes! I really do love her. You don’t have to worry about her.” Jonathan thought for a moment, “okay. Okay. Don’t cry anymore, Y/N. It’s okay.” you sniffed again and Steve pressed his lips on the top of your head and there was silence.

“But if you hurt my sister I will beat your ass into next week.” Steve grinned, “understandable.”

>> stranger things masterlist << requests are open!

>> navigation <<

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fic #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve harrington angst #steve harrington x fem!reader #fanfic #stranger things #joe keery

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omnivorousshipper · 2 years

Note

Omg I just saw your Mama Shaw and Dom spending time together post and would like to request the Shaw sibs’ reactions plz

At this I have to seriously wonder why they keep having Dom being the only one Queenie talks to 😆 she refuses to meet the rest of the crew

~~~

Stepping out of the lavish room of her hotel suite, Queenie already had her phone in hand to have one of her men fetch breakfast, when she was greeted by three sets of hard eyes.

Sitting in the sitting room of her suite, we're her three children. Each one had taken up a different seat, with the last remaining seat next to Deckard. Owen and Hattie were looking at her with indifference and irritation, while Deckard looked mildly concerned.

How her oldest became the bleeding heart of their family confused her, but at least her younger children kept him out of any emotional harm's way

"What's all this about?" She drawled and took the obvious seat. Deckard scooted closer to her before clearing his throat.

"We got a question for you mum."

"Am I dying?" She sneered. She didn't like it when her children played her own games against her. They should know better than to try and get one up on her.

"If only." Owen deadpanned.

"Owen!" Deckard hissed.

"We want to know why you've been hanging out with that American wanker." Hattie explained finally. Always the most direct, her youngest. "There's no reason for you to be buddy-buddy with Toretto."

"His crew wouldn't do any jobs for you. Toretto himself wouldn't do anything to benefit your little empires. And there are dozens of other people you could at your beck and call. So, why Toretto?" Owen snapped.

Queenie couldn't fault his logic. He was the one who had studied her tactics the longest, with Deckard doing his own thing and Hattie refusing to be part of the family business. If only she could actually trust him to be a reliable heir to her 'little' empire.

"I can't have friends?"

"Mum." Deckard spoke flatly. "Don't bullshit us. What are you planning?"

Rolling her eyes, Queenie decided that her initial plan had already fallen through, so she might as well tell them.

"I was planning on getting his sperm."

The three noises of disgust were like music to her ears and she couldn't help the bark of laughter that escaped her.

"Not for me, you dunderheads." She snorted, but turned to Deckard. "You haven't given me any grandchildren, so I was going to offer Toretto up as a viable option."

"Why?"

"Look at the man, Dex. There are few people on this planet that have the type of gravity Toretto has. If you and him were to have a child, just imagine what they could do."

By this point, Queenie wanted to slap the embarrassed look on Deckard's face. He might have become a man, but they all knew he could get pregnant if he wanted go, which he had never shied away from admitting he wanted.

"So, you want Toretto to knock Deck up?" Hattie asked.

"I was," Queenied sighed. "But if the man ever knew he had a second child, he would do anything in his power to take care of the child. I don't need him sticking his nose into our family business anymore."

"Then his sperm is off the table?" Owen raised an eyebrow.

"I swear-!" Deckard hissed.

"For now." Queenie nodded.

"Why keep spending time with Toretto then?"

"You three have gotten so tied up with his little group, I thought I'd keep an eye on him."

"Keep an eye on him, get in his good graces, and then he wouldn't be against taking care of us?" Owen narrowed his eyes.

Smirking, Queenie knew Owen would be the one to figure it out first.

"My men can only do so much with you three." Queenie shrugged. "It's nice not having to regulate my henchmen to watching my children. Why not outsource the labor?"

"You're the worst." Hattie rolled her eyes.

"We're not children anymore." Owen pointed out.

"Could have fooled me." Queenie sneered.

And just like that, all three were talking over each other. Leaning back into the couch, Queenie watched with amusement as her children forgot their initial question and focused on arguing.

So predictable.

#deckard shaw #luke hobbs #owen shaw #hattie shaw #queenie shaw #hobbs and shaw #omni writes #trans deckard shaw

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grigori77 · 1 year

Text

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 50

Yeah, I know, FIFTY IN. It's a big deal, and I sense it's gonna be a big one too ...

Gale? Really? Sweet! XD Wow ... Travis and Marisha are REALLY going for this one ... andnow the hilariously painful info dumb ... yeah, I'm with Matt, that's too good ... ah, the twist! So sweet! XD

Wow ... Matt, way to ham it up on THIS ad for NordVPN!

Ah, a little Jester and Artie fun before the titles. :3 Just what we need!

"At dawn we plan ... we did ... NO PLANNING." Yup, that's about right.

Oof ... Ashley, WHAT?!!! Where even ARE YOU right now? XD It's adorable ...

Liam: "You want to nail our plan to the WEATHER?!!!" Indeed.

Wait a minute ... WHY is Liam so low down? Is he playing Orym Method style this session?

Oh yeah, Ira Wendagoth, as creepy as ever ...

WHISPERS?!!! Already? Blimey!

Matt's sound effect as he describes the lens appearing out of nowhere ... yeah, I'm with Ashley, that shit funny.

Xandis: "Yah, okay, who am I to argue with the giant black spider man?"

Sacrifice for the Changebringer? Really, Chet? And FCG ACTUALLY has to ROLL FOR THAT DECISION?!!! OMG!!! Orym: "Nice to see you're adding NUANCE to your worship now, FCG." Yes, indeed.

Laudna: "He's got a real grudge against the gods." Ira: "Hmmm, I've noticed, it's ... adorable."

Wow ... Fearne is REALLY picking the Nightmare King's pockets for the spyglass ... AND IT WORKS?!!! Priceless! XD

Oof, this is a dilemma ... FCG is REALLY willing to stay on the ship when they CRASH IT?!!! Yeah, that flying plan us NOT gonna work ...

Laudna explaining the plan to Ira is SENDING ME so we'll ... XD

Oh, FCG and Fearne on the ship if she Polymorphs and flies them both off ... yeah, that works.

Ah yes ... Laudna asks Ira if he's gonna betray them is the sweetest way and he tells them OF COURSE they can't trust him in exactly the same tone. Yup ...

Imogen asks Ira if he can teleport ... Matt ACTUALLY has to CHECK THE CHARACTER SHEET? REALLY?!!!

No, really, Imogen calling her Mum is like THE WORST IDEA, really. DO NOT DO THAT.

Whoa ... the Circlet KEEPS OUT THE NOISE!!! Wow, that is SWEET!!! Imogen's like SO HAPPY about that it's so cute.

Wow, okay ... Chetney's like TOTALLY trying to break it to Xzndis zbout what they're doing ... no, wait ... HE'S LYING?!!! Chet, what are you DOING?!!!

Oh yeah, he's totally not buying this ... and really NOT happy about it either, clearly ... hmm ...

Xandis: "You're asking me to go down with the ship?" Um ... no?

Oh so now he's gonna TEACH FEARNE how to fly it? Hmmm ... oh boy, and now she's at the wheel ... oooh ... this could go SO BAD ...

Wow, she is REALLY bad at this ...

Oh, Enhance Ability. Won't that GO AWAY after a while? Hmmm?

Whoa, they actually have Ruby Vsnguard disguises? Wow ... that could work ...

Ah, yes? Exit strategy, we forgot about that ... oh, so NO exit strategy? Okay ...

They're all getting SO CONFUSED!!! What's even happening now? Help!

Travis: "Because y'know I got cattle prod experience." Umm ... okay?

Oh boy, Fearne is like TOTALLY BUSTED now ... XD

Dropping off the crew ... yeah, if they don't come back ... hmmm ... that's not, like, foreboding or anything.

"Gnome sinkholes?"

Making fun of those awful math riddles from elementary. Sam: "The doctor was his mother! That was the answer!"

Ooh, danishes! Yum! Oh, they're special magic danishes? Hmmm ...

Imogen messaging Keyleth? Cool! "Our arrival isn't ... quiet." Oh, okay then. XD

Phase 2? Okay ... so who's gonna be what? Ruby Vanguard or Paragon's Call? Meanwhile Chetney insists on being naked with the Apron on ...

Laudna putting on a little foundation and rouge to appear less dead ... yeah ... might be wise.

Touchdown ...

Now it's time to SPLIT THE PARTY ... oooof ... y'know I hate it when they do that. Now we're all worried ...

Laudna's flirting with Ira again and Chetney's totally calling her on it. XD

Yet again Ashton tries to pick Fearne's pockets again while hugging her ... something irreplaceable? She kisses him om the forehead. Ashton: "Fuck ... well that's just really hard to steal back, isn't it?"

"Bell's Hells!" "And Xandis!"

Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about the Crawler ...

More seriously spooky perception from Orym ... yup, par for the course.

Carrying on on foot ... okay ... oh, a tree for Keyleth! Perfect!

Whoa, what's THIS thing? Possible outpost? Hmmm ... oh, so they ARE gonna check it out? Oh, nice stealth check, Travis! Oh, wreckage? What the hell is this?

A skyship? Whoa ... oh, and this is FRESH?!!! Oh, that can't be good ... FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!

Okay, so are they changing the plan or not?

Checking for traps ... and now what is THIS? Oh, they've arrived. Okay then ...

Wait ... incoming crawler? Hide or act natural! Group deception roll! Phew ... JUST passed that one ...

Trying to bluff their way in ... persuasion or deception? 19? NICE!!! And it works! They're in, but under VERY close scrutiny ... and now EVERYBODY has to make a check? Okay ... oof ... and it doesn't QUITE pass muster ... shit!

The fight in the kitchen? Hmmm ... oh yeah, that's right, Chetney WAS a wolf at the time ...

Liam: "If we keep talking, and keep HIM (Chetney) from talking, everything should be fine." REALLY?!!!

So they're NOT gonna go for it then?

ANOTHER deception check? Aaaaaaaagh!

Oh shit ... and it's all kicking off ...

Great, now Ashton's frozen solid ... oh, and now Chetney's just getting nasty! Matt: "And THAT'S where we're gonna take our break!" Aaah!

Woof ... BATTLEMAP ALREADY?!!! EEP!!! And fuck that automaton is HUGE!!!

ROLL INITIATIVE!!!

Form of Dread! Here we go! Ooh, and BANE too! OF COURSE Liam and Ashley immediately start their Dark Knight Bane impressions. XD

Titties?

Firebolt? Yikes ... oh, and even at disadvantage it STILL hits? Ouch!

And Imogen is STILL maintaining the deception ...

Chetney goes full on feral and just SHREDS this guy! Yeah, he is FUCKED UP now ... and now Chet's just using him as a "meat shield".

Oh, and now Ashton's free again! Nice!

Orym goes all in! Trash that mage, wee man! And the other guy just TOTALLY tanks both his attacks on him too! Phew!

Ashton Rages ... and goes slightly invisible? Freaky Reckless weirdness! Big hits AND he shoves him! Boom!

Oh boy ... and now here comes the Warder ... oh boy ... this massive thing is TERRIFYING!!! Big hit on Ashton! Thank fuck he's raging!

Imogen uses Telekinetic Shove to pull a bait and switch and take Orym's place! Crazy! Oh nice and she just COOKS these guys with her lightning! Sweet! And one of them is just DONE!!! Another one proper FUCKED UP too!

Laudna chucks Pate at the automaton and casts Shocking Grasp through him into it ... Holy FUCK!!! Nice move!

And now Chetney is CLIMBING THE ROBOT!!! OH MY FUCKING GODS!!! Oh yeah, IS THERE an off switch? Oh, there's SOMETHING ... some kind of trapdoor?

Marisha is now STANDING UP AND HOVERING over the table! This is getting SERIOUS!!!

Ashton: "Hands off the brain!" BOOM!!! Fuck, ACID DAMAGE?!!! Nasty! And THAT is all THAT GUY wrote!

Now it's the Warder's turn again ... while Chetney is ON IT!!! OH SHIT!!! That trap is a FLAMETHROWER!!! FUUUUUUUCK!!!

"Hi, I'm Melee." XD

Wow, this thing is now GROVELLING!!! That is WILD!!!

18 does not hit! Oof ... big old armored beasty! 23 works, though. Inflicting SOME damage, at least ...

Laudna casts Eldritch Blast UP ITS BUTT!!!

So 20 JUST hits? Oof ... good thing Orym is a badass!

Ashton RIPPLES through space as he just BATTERS the thing! And ... "Oh that's TERRIBLE!!!" What? Oh ... so that DID fuck it up some at least ...

All it can do this turn is GET UP again? Phew ...

Imogen does Shocking Grasp on it ... NATURAL 20 means DOUBLE DICE OF DAMAGE!!! Oof ... yeah, that REALLY fucked it up!

Laudna ALSO does Shocking Grasp through Pate! Nice! And she gets the HDYWTDT!!! Sweet! Full on lightning rod effect! Crunch! It is DEAD.

So much for THIS combat then ... did anybody notice? Whoa ... seriously, did NOBODY ELSE pick up on this big scrap?

Wait ... something just GRABS Imogen? Aaah!

Okay ... who IS this? Are they NOT a threat? Potential ally? Hmmmm ...

Release ... that doesn't work? Wait ... a FLICK?!!! what the hell?

What the fuck ... BEAUREGARD LIONETT?!!! Are you fucking KIDDING ME?!!!

Covering the dead robot with the fallen tent? Smart move. Might even work ...

Marisha: "Is the dirt wizard here?" Matt: "Why would the dirt wizard be here?" Hmmm ...

Fearne: "She's so hot." SERIOUSLY?!!!

Oh my gods REALLY! Ashley's FACE!!! It's like Fearne is just totally smitten already! Except of course she's not actually HERE right now, so ...

FUCK!!! Caleb too! This is INSANE and I'm loving it!

Oh, they're FRIENDS of the Verity? That makes sense, then. And they know Ryn! Okay then.

All right seriously, are the rest of the Nein here too? PLEASE?!!!

Ooooooh ... the fact that it's Imogen's mum is NOT going over well, then ...

Perpetual Ripple? That sounds serious ...

Oh, so THE NEIN were the team in the Shadowfell? Now THAT makes sense!

"Dope monk shit!" Oh boy this just got SOOOOOO meta! XD

So apparently it's JUST them and not the rest of the Nein? Okay then ... kind of makes sense too, given their work ... makes me wonder sbout Yasha, though ...

Caleb: "We're not necessarily --" Chetney: "Smart?" Oooooooooh ...

Dunamis ... Orym: "What's dunabis?" Snort!

Travis: "I just can't right now." Laura: "He's like a best-of." Matt: "You guys made some entwined characters."

LOL ... Beau calling Chetney a "talking pet" ... XD

Laudna namedrops the Nightmare King and Beau is just like INSTANTLY DONE. XD

Ah yes. The residuum. I wondered when that would come up again.

Imogen: "Do either of you have the ability to heal anyone?" Caleb: "Nein." Orym: "You can only heal NINE of us?"

Voltron the dead automaton? Really?

Oh my gods they're ACTUALLY gonna TRY and make this work ... oh boy ... and that's a no then, no chance.

Oh shit! Crawler! Deception again? 20? Nice ...

Beau DOES NOT like having Imogen in her head and I am NOT surprised.

Okay, now what?

Matt: "And that's where we're gonna call it a night." Yup, seems like a good place to stop.

Those random rolls got people killed in the Shadowfell? REALLY?!!!

Anniversary episode next? Cool! Roll on next week, then ...

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spaghettificationandpretzels · 1 year

Text

The Reaper and the Death Angel Part 57

This series may never end, thank you for sticking with me.

Series Masterlist

Part 56

Contains: Angst, discussion of drug use and overdose, smut (oral sex M receiving, fingering, P in V), fluff, hurt/comfort, nightmares, shooting, mild injury. Not beta, it's probably full of mistakes.

8.5K words (shit, it's a long one)

Comment if you want to be tagged/removed or follow #the reaper and the death angel.

From the frying pan into the fire.

"We knew this would happen sis, all we can do is wait for the next time he shows up with some sorry excuse and a promise to do better. I bet you twenty bucks that he goes into rehab within twenty minutes of here."

You sighed, "I'm just waiting for Wendy to call me and say she's checked into her facility."

Ima blinked, "can he do that?"

Jax nodded, "yep, she can just refuse to be his therapist. I'll talk to her, make sure she knows she can talk to us anytime if something goes wrong."

You huffed, "all we can do is wait but I think we're going to be stuck with him until he gets sick of being told no. We just have to look out for each other until that happens."

Sam stood up and brought you into a hug, "we're going to be fine, this is not the worst thing we've had to deal with."

You smiled softly, "I know, it's not even in the top one hundred."

Sam gave you a soft shove, "go back to bed, you've had a long week and the frat gets all their privileges back tomorrow."

You rubbed your face, "wonderful, I wonder how long before Hale's here to arrest one of them for harassing."

Jax's jaw clenched, "I will deal with it this time, this is out home and our neighbour, they can't fuck with us like they did when we were inside."

You sighed, "we'll deal with it as it happens. I love you Sammy."

"Love you too sis."

You walked back into your bedroom to Jax seemly deep in thought, "what's wrong my love?"

He swallowed, "I am so sorry."

You sat next to him and put your hand on his shoulder, "for what?"

"You grew up with a drunk and I spent the last four months making you deal with another one. I should have told my mother to stop drinking the moment she let Abel watch that movie that night and if she didn't I should have cut her off."

You shook your head, "Jax, if I wanted you to do that I would have told you. I've spoken to Nero, she is getting better slowly and he never did that. I can't say that it didn't dredge up some very unpleasant memories, but she's nowhere near as bad as he was."

"She almost killed our son." The way you were looking at him stopped him from continuing, "I get what you're saying but if you think for a second that I'm going to let her keep playing the wounding bird, you're wrong, it stops here."

You nodded, "that's your choice but that's a conversation you're going to have with Gemma by yourself, she's already accused me of being the problem and I don't want to make that any worse."

Jax sighed, "yeah, I think that might be a good idea. I don't know how you're so good with her after everything you've been through with your father."

You shrugged, "because I'm doing it for you, she's your mum and you love her. I owe it to you to try."

Jax smiled and lifted his hand up, his fingers brushing your cheek, "I don't know what I ever did to deserve you."

You turned your head and kissed his hand, "you spent a whole day lifting my heavy boxes and I feel in love."

Jax leaned in and kissed you, all soft and slow and full of love, "you wanna call it a night darlin?"

You nodded, "please, I feel like I haven't slept in a wink."

Jax snorted, "because you haven't since the train crash."

You sighed, "I'm sorry I've been tossing and turning, I never meant to keep you up and I know you need your sleep. I should sleep in the guest room until things calm, I don't want anything happening to you."

Jax shook his head, "no way in hell, I know I can't understand what you've been dealing with but I'm not going to toss you into the guest room because you're having trouble sleeping, it's not like you haven't sat up with me what I can't sleep."

He threw off his shirt and laid down, inviting you into his open arms. You took his invitation and rested your head on his hard chest.

"Good night darlin."

"Good night beloved."

****

"What?"

You sighed, "have you heard from anyone about a new drug going around, it's called Poppy, it's a kind of bootleg MDMA?"

Jax shook his head, "no, you want me to ask around?"

You nodded, "yes please, I don't want to get anyone into trouble, I just want the dealers to know how bad it is. It's new, so I'm hoping they don't know yet. I...."

Jax sat down and took your hand in his, "I know, tell me what's going on so that way you don't have to repeat yourself when I find someone who can help."

"St Thomas contacted us a few weeks ago when some kids came in overdosing on something, their lab couldn't get the results soon enough and asked us to have a look. People are dying and we've got no leads so far, and now that the hospitals can't take the bodies, the lab is full. I just got through all the train victims and it seems people are forgetting that our lab doesn't do fresh bodies, we only have ten freezers and they're full. No one wants to return to freezer trucks and bringing on people from other labs."

"We're all meeting Pope today to see what's going on with this Italian thing. Someone has to know what's going on. You know why it's so nasty?"

You sighed, "it's the chemistry, the FDA and the DEA only ban the exact makeup of a drug, so change one or two molecules and it acts the same but it's perfectly legal, the drug isn't actually MDMA. There are facilities all over the world where chemists spend day and night creating these new drugs. The thing is, they don't know how they will react to the human body and one change can be fatal. This one, creates massive nervous system damage, treatment needs fast, like on sight fast or it doesn't end well."

"Wow, are the cops are leaving all the work to the lab?"

"Yep, we can trace chemical signatures down to manufacturers but anything will help."

Jax smiled and pressed his lips to the side of your head, "I'll do what I can, you really can't catch a break, can you?"

You threw your hands up in the air, "nope, Gemma can see Abel today if she wants, with someone there."

Jax blinked, "you're his mum, you get the last say."

"Was that you trying to say no?"

Jax nodded, "yep, after last night and dealing with your father, I'm done with my mother, at least for now. She has to show that she's changed, not just say she has."

You sighed, "Abel is yours too and if you want her to stay away from him, then you get to make that call and I will support you, just choose your words carefully and make sure she still knows you love her."

Jax smiled softly, "thank you, I would be lost without you."

You shook your head, "you do just fine without me, all I do is tell you what you already know. Now, go to that meeting, I need details and I will be very appreciative if you get them for me."

Jax raised his eyebrows with a smirk, "how appreciative?"

You smiled and leaned in close, brushing your lips over his ear, "like get down on my knees and thank you from the bottom of my heart appreciative."

****

"Jax, wait." Jax paused his strides to let Sam catch up.

"Yeah man, what do you need?"

Sam sighed and handed him a folder, "we might need that for church, I spoke to a guy I know who worked with this group that the mafia are recruiting from, he sent me the most likely candidates."

Jax nodded, "you are a lifesaver, do you have enough info to get on top of this?"

"Yep, I'll give everyone the four one one when we get inside." They walked inside and Jax started church, nodding to Sam for him to start before Sam waved at Jax to hand everyone the papers that were inside the folder.

"I have a guy, not like any of the guys that my sister had but a guy. I had a quick call with him, just a general catch up if anyone is listening and he pointed me in the right direction. He said that a few years ago, the cops raided a mafia Don's palace and found a whole bunch of stolen Middle Eastern artifacts. They do some digging and link them back to five Gruppo di Intervento Speciale guys who spent time in Afghanistan before moving back to their hometown to take a domestic police job in the same group."

They looked through the personnel flies that Sam had copied and Sam kept going, "they lost their jobs and intelligence says that within a few months, they were training made men in special tactics. I only dealt with them once at an embassy call, they are hard men but five guys isn't enough to be a risk, even if they train a hundred people."

Opie pointed out something on one man's sheet, "these guys have a lot of conduct unbecoming charges, what does that mean?"

Sam sighed, "conduct unbecoming basically means they behaved in a way that's upsetting but not worthy of losing your job, in this case, it's drunken bullshit and fights which is also good for us."

Jax tilted his head, "why?"

Sam took a deep breath, "it means they're not disciplined, making your branch look bad is not a good idea no matter where you're from and to get dinged with a conduct unbecoming charge, you need to really fuck up. My guy had a quick look at their full records, the ones he couldn't share with me and he said we'll be fine, they were never the best operators. Having said that, we still need to be very careful, sloppy is worse than precise any day."

Jax rubbed his face, "let's hear thoughts."

Opie went first, "we need to talk to Jimmy first, this is his mess to fix."

Happy raised his hand, "we need to talk to Pope and Marcus if they want the port they are going to be looking for new friends, we should all be ready for shit to jump off."

"Happy's right, they're not going to just hit us, they're going to talk to our enemies first." Bobby had always been the one to think ahead.

Juice cleared his throat, "the Mayans are good but Pope's been jumping off with another group that the Niners were beefing with, Galen said he's upper their orders two months in a row. They're close to the port too."

Jax nodded, "find out what you can on that Juicy, we'll go from there. Right now we have our day jobs to do."

****

"Jackson, I need to talk to you." Jax lifted his head from the car engine and dropped the wrench.

"What is it mum? I'm in the middle of something."

Gemma waved her hands, "in the office please."

Jax shook his head, "nah, I'm done with hiding shit, if you've got an issue do it here so I can keep working."

Gemma huffed, "I went to see my grandson today and the stranger looking after him told me you took me off the list." The garage was silent.

"I took you off the list, until you can show me you're sober I don't want you around my son."

Gemma crossed her arms over her chest, "is this y/n?"

Jax tossed the tool to the side in a rage, "no mum, it wasn't, like always, she did the opposite and told me to give you more time but I'm done giving you time, and I'm done with this shit. Let's go over why I've made this decision, you had a spare house key cut even though y/n told you when she gave it to you after I moved in years ago not to. In fact, I remember her saying not to even take a photo of it. She told you the risks, she told you that you could get someone killed if you made a spare and you didn't listen and then someone took it and tried to break in, but I guess getting y/n killed would be good because you could take her place."

Gemma looked away in shame which only set Jax off more, "you exposed my child to violent images on TV and he's still crawling into our bed at night because he can't sleep. I know Sam and Ima won't say anything because they don't want to worry us, but Abel had to turn to them when we weren't there."

Gemma looked at Sam, "is that true?"

Sam nodded, "when y/n is on night shift and Jax is dealing with club business, it's rare that Abel won't need someone to check under the bed, he only started that after he watched whatever it was."

Jax's face was going red with how angry he was, "even after that y/n gave you chance after chance after chance and you fucked up every time until you almost killed Abel and then she gave you another one and you had the audacity to say that she was keeping Abel away from you and when she did her best to tell you she wasn't you went ahead and tried to turn me against her."

"Jackson I never meant to…"

Jax cut her off, "don't bullshit me, you wanted to pull the strings just like you always have. You wanna know the fucked up thing, y/n told me this morning to go easy on you, she said that you could still see Abel. I love you mum but you need to step back until I tell you it's ok, I'm making the decisions from now on, not y/n, and I say you haven't done enough to prove you can be around Abel without doing more damage."

"Jackson, he's my…"

Jax huffed, "if you say he's your baby I'm going to lose it with you, Abel is our child, not yours. Take the week off and go spend it with Nero, Chucky can take over. I'm trying here, I really am but you're pushing it. And if you bring this to y/n we're going to have an even bigger problem, she's got enough on her plate without having to keep you even."

Gemma went to speak again and Chibs stepped in, "come on Ma, I think they need help setting up for the grand opening anyway, I'll take you."

Jax smiled and Chibs and went back to working on the car, he just hoped Gemma wouldn't call you the moment Chibs dropped her off.

****

"He'll come around Ma, you just need to give him the time he's been asking for." Chibs was going to take the time to Diosa to try and defuse what was going on between Jax and his mother.

"I don't know how much time it's going to take, he seems pretty angry at me." Gemma's voice was full of self pity.

"He's angry at you because you're attacking the woman he loves. Y/n is a good person Gemma, she's been in your corner through everything. I know she was angry at you after what happened with Abel but if she was the one in the car, you would have run her out of town by now. All the stuff between you and her is going to work itself out but only if you're trying too."

"You don't think she's behind this?"

Chibs shook his head, "you haven't seen her in action like we have Gem, she's the only reason Abel still has his dad and we still have a Club. Jax has already made it clear that if you ask him to choose, he'll pick her so don't ask him to make that choice. Y/n seems like a very forgiving person, she's forgiven you for what happened to Abel, I'm sure if you take some time and show you've changed it will all be water under the bridge."

"You think?"

Chibs nodded, "I do, she's a good girl Gem and I don't think you really ever gave yourself the chance to see that."

****

Jax waited anxiously for everyone to be done with work so they could leave for the meet. The moment Chibs got back, they were off. Pope was already there waiting for them and he Mayans arrived soon after they did. Pope and Marks didn't seem happy that they were still waiting on the Italians but he wasn't going to waste time doing nothing.

"Santo Padre will be here in a week, you guys good with that?"

Jax nodded, "that's fine by us, we want to get all our relationships sorted while things are fairly calm."

Pope echoed the sentiment, "whatever gets money in out collective wallets."

Jax crossed his arms over his chest, "while we're waiting, have any of you dealt with this new party drug, it's called Poppy, my old lady says the kids that have been taking it are dropping like flies."

Marcus shook his head, "we don't sell party drugs, those young kids tend to be a bit loose lipped. What does y/n want with a party drug?"

Jax sighed, "her lab has been put in charge of managing the deaths, the hospitals are having trouble dealing with the numbers coming in on the weekends, all she wants is a line into the dealers so they know how bad this stuff is. She doesn't want to jam anyone up."

Pope and Marks shared a look but before they could say more, the Italians arrived, "we'll talk after." The tone in August's voice made it clear he had more to say.

Jax swaggered over first, holding out his hand, "Jimmy, it's good to see you again."

Cacuzza took Jax's hand in a firm shake, "Jax, let's get this mess sorted so we can go back to making money."

They walked back over to the group and exchanged greetings then Jimmy started to talk, "I know it might be a bit to swing but we might need more than guns."

The Italians had been buying their guns from the Mayans but Pope was the one the raised his hand, "we're closer to the docks and the train yards and we have cops there who are our friends, if Marcus keeps up the supply of weapons, we'll back you keep your shipments safe."

Jax nodded, "I've spoken to Galen, he'll give you double what you're already getting for a reasonable price as long as you keep him in the loop, should worse come to worse, he's willing to speak to the powers at be to see what can be done." By the powers at be, Jax meant the church, it was no secret that priests in both the IRA and the Mafia had sway.

Jimmy's eyes dropped to the floor, "there's another thing, we might need some help inside, with all this going on we're worried about rattling cages."

Sam's deep voice filled the air, "we can't help with that, my sister got Otto Delaney transferred to a medium security place about an hour away, if you had kept in touch you would know that Jimmy."

"There's no need for this, if you want your guys protected inside, we can do that too." Jax was forever grateful that you brought Pope in.

Jimmy smiled, "thank you Damon, but I got to ask, what's in it for you?"

Pope smiled, "the protection money you used to pay the Sons, that's it."

Jimmy stuck out his hand, which Pope took, "you got a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some things to get done so we can get back to life how it should be."

****

"August is here for the tour, says he needs to talk with you first."

You breathed a sigh of relief, Jax came through, "thank you T, send him in."

A few moments later you could hear the children running around and your office door open, "Travis said I could come right in."

You nodded, "yes, please sit. Did Jax send you?"

He smiled, "yeah, we talked after we met the Cacuzza. He said you wanted the DL on this new party drug?"

You handed him a file, "in there is the info for the people we lost so far, none older than thirty five, all dead pretty soon after they took the drug. Only ten are from Oakland, but these aren't the bad batch deaths you'd normally expect. All I need is to know where this shit came from, I'm not planning on getting anyone into trouble it's just that narrowing down what's causing this, if it's the drug itself or contamination, will really help and knowing the origin is part of that."

He looked it over, "I don't know if we can help, after the first deaths in our neighbourhood, Damon made it clear anyone selling it would be dealt with, a few days later we sent two guys to the ER with both their legs broken. We've made it clear that the next person we catch will end up in the morgue."

You blinked and went to respond but he stood up, "I'll make sure we talk to them first, see if we can get something off them and you'll be the first to know about it. If you think these drugs are coming from our end, have a chat with detective Mason in Vice, he'll make sure it gets to the right people."

You smiled and stood up, ready to start the tour, "thank you, now we have a tour to enjoy, you would like to pick where we start?"

He smiled, "I saw a history of boats exhibit, is that an option?"

You chuckled and opened your office door, waving your hands for him to head out, "yep, of course we can."

****

Jax was in the office with Bobby talking about the situation with Cacuzza when he got the text, smiling at the sound of your ringtone.

"Is that about the drugs?"

Jax shrugged and pulled out his phone only to be greeted by a photo of your bare breasts.

"Is it too early to start showing my appreciation?"

Jax swallowed and put his phone away, doing his best to hide the arousal on his face, "it's nothing."

Bobby smiled, "sure it is. As I was saying, we can't trust what he's told us, he's left it this long for a reason and I think he's hiding how bad it is."

Jax nodded, "tell the guys outside to keep an eye out. Happy's right, we have to watch our backs from all angles."

****

You were just about to finish up when Holt brought another body in, "really? It's only four in the afternoon, who's doing MDMA at at midday?"

Holt shook his head, "they were admitted last night and died three hours ago, they just need to confirm it was from Poppy. This stuff is killing people like fentanyl."

You sighed, "I can't do another one today, how old is this one?"

"Seventeen."

You sighed, "It won't take long, their parents need closure."

****

Jax was waiting for you when you got home, opening his arms for you to crawl into them like you did so many times after a bad day at work. You buried your face in his neck and he wrapped his arms around your body and crushed you to his chest.

"You're late, were you busy?"

You nodded with a yawn, "very, I'm getting kinda sick of all the fresh bodies when the lab is meant to be working with rotted ones. I don't like fresh flesh."

Jax chuckled, "I know, you wanna get takeout tonight? I'm sure Sam and Ima will be happy to have an easy night?"

You sighed, "bad morning sickness?"

Jax nodded, "Sam's pretty worried but they've got her appointment tomorrow so I'm sure the doctor will give her some advice. How does pizza sound?"

"Pizza sounds good, I'll go see what everyone else wants. Is Abel napping?"

Jax shook his head, "nah, he's in the backyard with Sam."

You raised your head off Jax's shoulder and pressed your lips to his, "we still have a few hours before dinner, you wanna go upstairs so I can show you how thankful I am for your help today?"

He raised his eyebrows, "you've done quite a bit of that today, you know those photos made driving home pretty hard."

You smiled and pressed your lips to his neck, "I know but you're very attractive when you're all riled up." Jax took your face in his hands and brought you in for a deep kiss, his beard scratching your skin.

He pulled back with a smile, licking his plump lips, "later, I want to hang out with Abel for a while, you want to come?"

You smiled, "yes please."

****

You were sitting in bed with your chest to Jax's back, watching a documentary on the TV while Jax rubbed his hand up and down your forearm. "Abel was good today, I think he wants to be a farmer."

Jax chuckled, "he wanted to be a firefighter last week and a doctor just like you the week before. You told him he could be whatever he wants to and he listened."

You smiled, "he still has plenty of time to decide."

Jax pressed his lips to your neck, "how helpful was I today?" His tone was playful and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Oh very and I think it's later too and I'd very much like to show you how thankful I am for sending Marks my way." You spun in his arms and Jax wrapped himself around you while you pulled him into a kiss.

He stroked your cheek, looking into your eyes with affection, "you can always do it tomorrow, I know how tried you've been."

You shook your head, "hell no. Plus, I always sleep better after we.. you know." Jax smiled then his hand were pulling your top off as his eye raked over your body.

"God I fucking love your tits." His hands came up to grip them and you sighed as his fingers circled your nipple while his mouth wrapped around the other.

You hands wove into his hair as he switched positions, "I thought this was about me showing my appreciation."

Jax chuckled and pulled back, "you are, I keep telling you, I love your tits." He kissed across your chest and back to your mouth, his beard scratching your skin as his nose brushed yours.

You pulled back and pressed your lips to his cheek, then down his chest, "lay back my love." He did as you asked with a smile on his face and your lips brushed his perfect abs on the way down to his cock.

He was hard in those sinful grey sweatpants, you yank them down with a smile and his cock sprang free before you pressed kisses from base to tip, Jax's hand landing on your cheek with a gentle brush.

You wrapped your hand around the base and sucked the tip into your mouth, Jax letting out a grunt as your hand started to move. Jax was never one to stay quiet when you were sucking his dick, the praise falling from his mouth with gravel and affection.

"I'm taking you to the office with me from now on, you under the table with my dick in your mouth will make paperwork so much more enjoyable." He was doing his best to sound unaffected but you could hear how clipped his tone was and it was obvious that he was holding back his moans.

It was your giggle at his suggestion that did him in, a choked off moan leaving his mouth as you sunk your mouth down his shaft. "Fuck you're so good." You moaned and Jax grunted, "I love you so much."

You lifted your head and pressed your lips to his thigh, "I love you too, do you want me to keep being good or do you want more." Jax smirked and wrapped his hand around your upper arm, pulling you up towards him.

"I always want more when I'm with you." You climbed in his lap and took his face in your hands, Jax closing the distance and kissing you while his arms wrapped around your body. You shifted and pulled your panties off, tossing them somewhere in the room while Jax's eye enjoyed your bare skin.

"Come on darlin, let me make you feel good." His hand went from your ribs to your thighs as you spread your legs to make room for his hand, Jax's fingers running through your slit while he grinned.

"What? What are you smirking about now you insufferable man?"

"You always get really wet after you have my dick in your mouth, you talk about my ego but it's your fault." His thumb found your clit while two of his thick fingers circled your entrance, sliding in as you leaned down to kiss him. You bit his lower lip as his fingertips brushed your G-spot, Jax smiling against your lips as you let out a gasp.

"Does that feel good?"

You rolled your eyes, "you know it does." Jax buried his face in your neck and nibbled your skin, you knew you'd have a bruise there in the morning, "you know I have gone through more foundation in the last five years than I have my whole life, I know you've got this possessive...." Jax pressed his finger in just the right way and the words got caught in your throat.

"Not so mouthy now, are you?" You bent down and bit his shoulder, "no reply, that's alright," He leaned back and his eyes found where your body met his hand, Jax watching on with his lower lip between his teeth and his eyes hooded. Your breath caught in your throat as you clenched around his fingers, Jax pulling you close so he could kiss you. He pulled his fingers out and sucked them into his mouth with a moan.

Jax's hand found your back and it was clear he was going to flip you onto your back, "why can't I be on top, don't you like it?"

Jax's eyebrows wrinkled, "hell no, I love it, what makes you say that?"

"Because you're always on top, you have control issues."

Jax grinned, "you love my control issues."

You shook your head with a giggle and leaned down to kiss him, "I do love your control issues."

Jax kissed you again and tapped your leg, "well hop on." You swung your leg over his body and grabbed his cock, Jax nodding with a smile as the tip nudged your entrance. Your breath stuttered as you slid down onto him and Jax grunted as you bottomed out.

"Yeah, this has got to be one of my favourite visions."

You huffed and started to rock your hips, Jax's head falling back into the pillows as his fingers slid down your body and found your clit. You rocked your hips back and forth, picking up speed while Jax watched the show.

"Which one Teller, me or your dick going into me?" Jax sighed and beckoned you to come close for a kiss. His lips were soft on yours as your hips picked up speed.

He pulled away from the kiss, just enough to speak and his lips brushed yours, "both." His fingers circled tighter and you began to falter, "you're doing so well for me."

You gasped at his praise and Jax smirked, "you are such an insufferable, arrogant..... oh my God." Jax bucked his hips and slammed himself into you.

"You were saying?" Jax rocked his hips in time with yours with one last roll of his hips, you crumbled over and came around him, Jax grunting as his fingers kept their pace and his other hand moved to your back to stabilise you. Jax was closed behind, holding you to his chest as he took over, with one final thrust, he let out a grunt and you felt him pulse inside you.

Jax lifted your hips off him and you laid down on his chest, "that was nice."

Jax chuckled, "yeah, it was."

You pecked him, "does that mean you're going to let me be on top more?"

Jax took your face in his hands and kissed you, "I'm not stopping you."

You huffed, "says the man that flips me over every time I try." Just to prove a point, Jax threw his leg over yours and flipped you onto your side, laughing and shoved his chest to no effect, "I love you Jackson."

He smiled and kissed your forehead, "I love you too darlin."

****

You were awoken from your unintentional nap with a knock on your office door. You rubbed your face and opened it to be greeted by a grinning Sam, "I brought photos." He held up the black and white sonogram pictures and you took them from him, "I made sure to get you ones without any baby bits in them, I know you won't be able to keep it a secret if you find out the sex."

You smiled, "you're very right and this is the cutest little blob I have ever seen, look at those little hands!."

You and Sam sat at your desk, "how's Ima going?"

Sam sighed, "the doctor said that if she doesn't start getting better soon they're going to look into hyperemesis gravidarum. I think they should already be looking into it but you know how these things go."

"Yeah, I do. And I'm impressed that you know what hyperemesis gravidarum is, you've been doing your reading."

Sam smiled, "of course I have." He paused and looked you over, "are you doing alright? You don't look very well."

You rubbed your face, "my head hurts, I'll be fine." You held up the photos, "are these for me to keep?"

Sam nodded, "yep. Go home after this and get some rest, don't do any more overtime. We're all worried about you."

You huffed, "no, you, Jax and Ima are worried about me and the others either don't know or can't be bothered to care." You sighed, "I'm sorry, that was really mean, I'm just so tired."

Sam put a hand on your shoulder, "go home after your next exam or my next call is to Jax and you know he'll drag you out of here if he has to."

You smiled softly, "thank you Sammy. Also, the gift shop just got in a whole new bunch of pictures books so you should stop by."

Sam shook his head, "I'll go do that. I love you y/n."

"Love you too Sam."

****

"I have to pick up the bulk bread rolls this afternoon then spend most of tomorrow cooking so I won't need to worry about it when Santo Padre get here. I'll be here tomorrow when the booze arrives. Why are we hosting them the first night they're here?"

Jax sighed, "because we're the ones that gave The Mayans the guns, I'm sure the women will help and I'll get Rat to give you a hand too."

You rubbed your face, "yeah, that's fine with all the overtime I've done I've been forced to take 2 days off, but I'll be at work the day they arrive but I'll be there for the party."

Jax smiled, "that makes me so happy, I don't think you know how boring these parties are without you."

You pressed a kiss to his cheek, "I don't know how much fun I'm going to be this time around. If I'm being honest with you I just want to stay at home and rest, I already only come for you and Sam and my battery is running really low."

Jax pulled you into his arms and cradled your head in his hand, "I'm sorry darlin, when this is all over we'll take a few days at Anvil's cabin away from it all. How does that sound?"

You smiled, "that sounds really nice but we'll see what happens, I don't think this is going to be over for a while and by that time the lab will have more to deal with. I just want a few days where I'm not doing so much for other people."

Jax nodded, "don't worry about the alcohol delivery, someone else can worry about that. Just focus on getting the food together and don't go to too much trouble, if they want a fancy meal, they can go to a restaurant."

You sighed, "I wish that was the case but there are other Sons coming too, no matter how tired I am we still have to keep up the diplomacy and part of that is good food and good drink. Bobby can handle the booze, it won't take long and he drinks half of it anyway."

Jax smiled, "done, I'll go tell him now. I've got some paperwork to do, you wanna come and have a nap in the office while I do it? I won't make much noise."

You thought for a moment, "nah, I've got to get the bread, I'll reconsider when I get back."

****

"Bobby, for fucks sake, I thought you were going to be here. I'm in the middle of cooking "

He grunted over the phone, "yeah sorry, something came up. Can't you just sign for it?"

You huffed, "it's not just signing for it, the cold drinks have to be put in the fridge and the liquor bottles have to be rotated so the new stuff is at the back. It's less than forty minutes of work. Jax told me he was going to get you to do it, it's not that hard, it just takes a bit of time."

You could hear laughter in the background, "get one of the other girls to do it, I'm sure you can spare one of them."

You took a deep breath, "fine, but next time you need someone to go out of their way for you, don't ask me."

****

"What this about you writing another book?"

You smiled, "well Bishop, part of my clinical sexology degree is the rights of women and pick up artists are on the rise so I felt the need to do some study. The book's going to be called the root of the problem and is looking into the rise of pick up artists and the red pill movement. It's kinda soul destroying but it's crazy interesting."

He chuckled, "that does sound interesting, I wish you'd do a part two of that dead language book."

You tilted your head, "what did you like about it? Maybe I can point you towards one that's similar."

He smiled, "I loved reading about the very beginning of the Maya language and how it became what it is today."

You nodded, "I can give you a long list all about that and one is partially about how we can preserve it and recover what was lost through colonisation." You took a bit of paper from your bag and wrote the list down before handing it to him.

"They better be just as good as your book or I'm going to be disappointed."

****

The night wore on and you floated from person to person talking about different things. You were sitting on one of the couches with Jax's arm around your shoulder talking to some of the Mayan boys about the food.

"You cooked all of this yesterday?" Angel mouth was half full.

You nodded, "yep, I had a lot of help. It's just some bread and toppings."

Creep huffed, "it's good. I read about that big cat exhibit at the museum, what's it like?"

You sighed, "just say you know me at the door and you'll get a tour, I'm not going to spoil it for you. All museums are free to enter, we get paid on how many people show up and if I tell you all about it you have no reason to go."

Angel's face broke into a grin, "you know, we really need people like you down south, you can always leave Teller and come and hang with us." It was said with affection and Jax chuckled.

Jax kissed your cheek "Nah, she loves me too much."

You nodded, "yep, Jackson is just wonderful, there's no way I'm going anywhere."

The fun continued when Angel shook his head, "what's so good about him?"

You looked at Jax with a smile, "there are too many things to list. He's kind and noble, he listens, he's a great father, he pulls his weight around the house and he doesn't leave me to do everything. He's also the most handsome man I've ever seen and he's great in bed."

Jax went red, "you're always going on about my ego and yet this is how you talk about me? What else do you expect me to do when all you do is talk me up?"

You sighed, "he could be more humble."

Jax looked at you, his eyes filled with love, "I am the luckiest man in the world."

****

You were loaded up with weight even with the help of the paramedics, it was getting hard to carry people outside the train to safety, "she doesn't have a hope, we need to black tag her and move on."

Gabby nodded, "I know, can you take her? I'll go back in and get more people."

You shouldered her full weight and kept walking, "go, help the living." You dragged her over to the trap and placed her down, she was close to death, there was no way she would know what was going on but as you walked away you heard a horrible creaking noise, when you turned around you were greeted by her bloody face.

"Why are you leaving me? Why are you leaving me in the cold to die alone?" Her body twisted and she lunged at you, your hands going out instinctually to protect your face.

Your eyes shot open, you were at home in bed. You reached your hand out and it landed on Jax's bare chest as it rose and fell with the breath. You sighed and rubbed your face, stuck between being so tired that all you wanted to do was go back to sleep and so upset that there was no way you could even close your eyes from fear of seeing flashes of the nightmare again.

You settled for turning and curling into Jax's side, resting your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat. To your surprise, his arm wrapped around your body and his rough voice filled the room, "I know you have a whole lot of leave coming up because of all the overtime you've been doing, we are going away for a break and that's final. I love you too much to let you do this to yourself."

You went to apologise for waking him up but he stopped you, "it's not up for debate, I know you won't be able to get back to sleep but just close your eyes and try and get some rest, for me?"

You pressed your lips to his skin, "thank you Jackson."

****

"You look like shit."

You sighed, "yeah, I had nightmares all last night but Jax put his foot down. He's is taking me to Anvil's cabin in two days and we're going to take a week to ourselves, it looks like this whole mob things has blown over and we really need the break."

Sam smiled, "you deserve it too. We'll be a video call with Abel everyday, and I'll keep Gemma in line while you guys are gone."

You nodded, "thank you, speaking of." You got down on your knees for Abel to jump into your arms, "did you have fun with aunty Ima?"

He gave you a big smile, "yes mummy but I'm tired."

You let him go and Ima took his hand, "I'll take him home, I need a nap myself."

You smiled at Ima and kissed Abel on the tip of his nose, "I'll be home soon, alright little man."

He rubbed his face, "ok mummy, I see you soon."

Sam pecked Ima and she left with Abel, his little legs doing their best to keep pace with her.

"If you hadn't married her I would have."

Sam huffed and went to say something but Gemma cleared her throat, "can I talk to you?"

You swallowed, "sure Gem, is everything ok?"

She nodded and pointed to a quiet section of the picnic tables, "yeah everything fine."

You followed her and sat down, "what did you want to talk to me about?"

She took a deep breath, "I wanted to say sorry, for everything, I've taken the last week to go over everything Jax said and everything that's happened between us, everything that I've done and I realise that most of it.. all of it is my fault. I know this won't fix anything and I'm not expecting you to forgive me to tell Jax to let me back into Abel's life but I want you to know that I'm really trying now."

"Where is this coming from?"

She sighed, "Chibs spoke to me the day Jax told me to take the week off and Nero has been honest with me. You have no reason to think I'm not playing you and I know it's going to take a lot more for Jax to let me back in, even more to have a place in your niece or nephew's but I'm trying."

You smiled and took up, opening your arms to pull her into a hug, "I'm so happy to hear that. I'll talk to Jax and see if you can stay over while we're away so you can spend time with Abel."

She hugged you back and then you parted, "I've got to do some stuff in the office, I could use a hand?"

You nodded, "of course." A car pulling into the lot took your attention away, it was driving far too slow to be someone stopping in for a service and you knew why when you saw the gun barrel emerge from the window.

"GUN!" You had just enough time to throw yourself on top of Gemma before the shooting started. The bullets flew off the walls, the horrible noise from the gunshots filling the air.

The sound of handguns being fired filled the air then there was a huge crash, it must have all taken place over a matter of seconds. You lifted your head up and looked around, Sam and Chibs were running toward the crashed car and you rolled off Gemma.

"Are you alright?" You stood up and felt a stinging pain in your leg.

"I'm fine." Gemma's eyes were wide and she pointed to your legs, "oh my God, you've been shot."

You looked down at your leg, your scrub pants red with blood, "it's just a flesh wound, if it was bad I'd be in a lot more pain. Go inside and call Jax, I'll be in soon."

Sam came running over, "are you alright?"

You nodded, "yeah, I can feel the bullet under the skin. Can you help me over to the car? We need to cheek the bodies." Sam wrapped his arm around your waist and helped you hobble over. Jax, Opie and Happy were out on Club business, all the other Sons were crowded around the car.

"Is anyone else hit?" Chibs nodded, "Tig took one to the shoulder, I can patch him up after I do you."

You shook your head, "I can fix myself up. Can someone get the bodies out of the car please?" Juice and Kozik did as you asked, hauling the bodies out.

Juice looked at you with his eyebrows wrinkled, "one black guy and one while guy, what the hell is going on?"

"Check their tats." The pain was starting to seep in.

Chibs went to help, pulling up a sleeve while Kip pulled up the other, "the tenth street killers, isn't that the gang that Pope gutted?"

You nodded, "yep, what about the other guy?"

Kozik looked him over, "all I could find was this, it's a star with umm.... I don't know."

You got closer, "morte prima di disonore, it means death before dishonour and the star is the five point star that represents crime in the Italian mafia. So much for the problem going away."

They looked at you with worry, Tig gritting his teeth, "are you saying the white guy's in the mob?"

You nodded, "he's not just in the mob, that tattoo is unique to Italy, that family that Jimmy told us about is here and they have friends."

Part 58

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eviltiddyproductions · 1 year

Text

Crash Course in Romance : Episode 2

Probability of Encountering Your Enemy at Your Worst 😂 what are title

Waittttt, he used to eat at her place years back too!?

She said daughters, so the girl must be our handball girlie's real sister. I assumed it was a friend 💀 (everyone can be an aunty!)

KDRAMAS ARE GOING TO HELL OMG why do they sneak these parental deaths on me so casually 😭🙏 y'all hate me. my god

this poor bean

i knew that aunty would feed him regardless !!! god i love shop owners who recognise you. always there for you

oh my god, she's been taking care of that girl for THIS long

our man is literally there in the restaurant grieving over his dad's death as this baby gets dropped here by her mom 😭

she just handed our baby a note ??? at least have the guts to ask your family. bffr 💀

NO WAY HER MOM DIED I'll actually stop watching you cannot take 2 parents from me in 5 minutes ???? even Vincenzo was gentler and gave me some time!!!

her mom really died nooooo

y'all hate me SO much

i think she might have to give up on her handball :/

this coach cannot be real lmao no one talks like this irl to someone's face 💀 'she isn't even your daughter, I'll let you go if your niece dies' like she's just late for practice bitch ass.

punch him !!!

why is he making her pick oh my god YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS.

idk what's up with me but her wanting to call her aunt her mum and having the brightest of smiles calling her mum and running to her got me

i am again reminded of the quote that goes kids forgive so much and just want to be loved

this show is aesthetically so beautiful

is that her friend from handball helping her or someone else? :0

a loyal friend <3

is he in therapy or is this just a normal doctor

is that husband in Phillipines a cover story?

i admire the ability of anyone to eat anything in an all white outfit

oh bae i hope you don't get nauseous

that's a cool decomposer!

'you're all i have' is kind of a terrible thing to hear as a teenager 😭

did she put money in the cabinet

WHO'S THAT in her house

wait everyone has iphones here ??? lmao no Samsung z flip in sight

lmao he's dressed like a delinquent to get breakfast

look at him squabbling with her over when the shop opens. the way they don't know his classes are the reason for this 😂

LMAOOOO remind me not to cross her, her bad luck wish for him got to him real fast. although slipping from your chair is funny and not to bad 😭

sister don't move so much I'm scared someone might push you and take your number.

SHE'S JUST LIKE ME FR. she was praying bad and took back the curse on that man and was promising all the good behaviour she could muster and then realised she's not gonna get the ticket and started complaining. #real

SHE GOT IN !!! SHE GOT THE 100th ticket

now why is the topper side eyeing my girlie, keep your side eye to yourself !

I love them. They're planning his fake murder in front of him 😭😂

I'm definitely not as hardworking as our girlie so I'm going to say I'm her friend because she deadass goes 'he kept looking at you, he's so into you' 💀 #mypeople

oh no my sister hasn't dated AT ALL?!!!! (She's just like me fr)

that girl is a hater for the sake of it but i get it i guess. sometimes you have weird hate vibes with people but tbh she's in a kdrama so I already know she's going to do something extremely messy.

him saying don't work too hard to his assistant is so funny actually

ahhh I checked the tags and this show has me giggling and squealing why does it look THAT cute

he got her a phoneeeee

Oh my god the stalker girl got shot ??????

kdramas without a criminal angle in some capacity challenge: failed (except bokjoo i guess) I'm not complaining. I love being anxious

girlfriend has a fling coming to pick her up !!! have fun bae <3

wait him entering the shop at night, this is the scene i saw in the previews

this is the worst story someone could've come up with it to give someone a free phone lmaooo 😭

i love her friend she's like 'what did I say, 100% in love with you'

oh so this teacher actually knows our man chi yeol.

what is this bitter ass conversation 💀 SO UNSERIOUS why is this random old classmate teacher talking like that.

I will actually climb inside and scratch him. Came here to just guilt him about a student's death and be way out of line in general. Oh my god he keeps going ???

so nasty

awww babe you shouldn't be driving in this state

oh they just missed each other

it makes me happy that he at least came back to eat

aww my sweet little brother on his morning walk with his coffee and his waffles. (this is how i want to be omg)

aww she gifted her mom that cushion

lmaooo what was that text girlie 😭🤣

awww he's offering her his seat i love them !!!

oh no what if she asks him out on a date 😭

oh she's politely declining the self phone

lmaooo Jae woo (the brother) clocked our tiger man 🤣

OH MY GOD HELLO?!!! SOMEONE SHOT THAT METAL BALL THROUGH THEIR WINDOW

my sweet girl gathered everyone, even Chiyeol who was just standing 💀 like babe get down!!!

oh this glass repair will cost her 😭

I think staying here probably saved him from getting shot alone

#crash course in romance #episode 2 #WHAT JUST HAPPENED????#written update

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kpostedsum · 3 years

Text

daddy issues; D.M

summary: you and draco bond over issues in 6th year

word count: 2.4k

warnings: err angst, comfort, illusions to sex

song: daddy issues (the remix) - the neighbourhood

a/n: i tried not to make it stereotypical bc i didn’t wanna make it seem all “i like older men lol”, probably my fav fic i’ve written, also arent these anime gifs so cute

masterlist | taglist

Take you like a drug

I taste you on my tongue

Tongues battling for dominance, bodies rubbing against each other searching for a feeling. It’s become routine now, a different person in your dorm swallowing a new pill, entangling limbs with someone just to feel something.

You ask me what I'm thinking about

I tell you that I'm thinking about

Whatever you're thinking about

Tell me something that I'll forget

And you might have to tell me again

It's crazy what you'll do for a friend

It was a constant cycle, putting yourself out there seeking the male attention you crave, seeking validation, constant reassurance and trusting too easily. That’s how you ended up with a different guy who always in the end leaves. You trusted too easily and people took advantage of how trusting and naive you are just for a quick shag.

You wished it wasn’t like this but that’s all you knew, wanting to be the best version of yourself for someone just to feel needed, no matter if the person was good or bad for you. You didn’t care, you wanted love from anyone you could get it from even if it just hurt you more.

You’re familiar with the absence, something stable made you feel a bit wary. It wasn’t something you were used to. Your father wasn’t the most present in your life, and even though he's there, he's never really there.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

You always wondered where you went wrong, he preferred your siblings over you and doesn't pay you a piece of his mind. Constantly going out of your way to get his attention whether it was academically or acting a certain way just to get some sort of reaction. But he was too preoccupied with his other children, even if they were from your mom or his affairs.

That’s how you found yourself right now sitting in the astronomy tower past curfew watching the rain fall, trying to clear your head while humming softly to yourself to keep yourself distracted.

You hear distant chattering from below and quickly get up from where you were sitting and make your way to your dorm unnoticed by anyone.

Except one person, Draco Malfoy.

I tried to write your name in the rain

But the rain never came

So I made with the sun

The shade

Always comes at the worst time

He’s seen you before, you’re known around Hogwarts for how you put yourself out there and how ‘desperate’ you are for some affection. He almost feels bad for you, but he’s in no place to judge. With his dad in Azkaban Draco had so much more to worry about, like his task and how he can succeed. But there was something about you that intrigued him that he couldn't ignore.

He saw you again in transfiguration the next day and noticed a few hickeys littering your neck that you had tried to cover but it didn’t work. He wondered why you gave yourself up to so many people, but once again he was in no place to judge. He noticed the way your tongue would stick out when you focused extra hard, the way your hands would tighten around your quill when you got a question wrong and your face.

The same face that many boys including the older years would fawn over, the face that entranced and attracted many, the face of someone who would do anything for someone for some affection and the face of someone who seeked out all the wrong things.

You ask me what I'm thinking about

I tell you that I'm thinking about

Whatever you're thinking about

Tell me something that I'll forget

And you might have to tell me again

It's crazy what you'll do for a friend

You walk out of transfiguration on your way to the owlery to send a letter to your parents and feel eyes watching you everywhere. You like it, the attention, it’s something that you thrived in, but you couldn’t help but feel a new set of eyes on you.

Once you reached the owlery you realized you weren't the only one there, Draco Malfoy was also there sending a letter to who you assumed was his mother.

“y/n, right?” he asked, trying to spark a conversation.

“Yea, listen i’m sorry about what happened with your father i know you really looked up--”

“Dont worry about it, he wasn’t as good an influence as I made him out to be,” he sighed, looking away.

“My dad isn’t the best either if i’m being honest, i guess we’re in the same boat” you let out a light chuckle.

And that’s how you found yourself hanging out with draco malfoy bonding over your shared issues.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues

It’s been weeks since you two started hanging out since the interaction in the owlery and have been getting closer ever since. You both sat down together in the astronomy tower, backed against the wall as the cool wind blew against your faces. The aura between you two was calm, a comfortable silence.

“So tell me about your dad, how is it with him in Azkaban?” you asked, tilting your head towards him.

“Mother’s not taking it well” he frowned. “I can’t even say potter’s wrong for getting him locked up because he deserves it. All my life he praised the dark lord and taught me to be selfish and always defend my blood, but he was never there for me when I needed him. I would have done everything just to hear ‘i’m proud of you’ but it never came. It’s worse now because mother’s all alone. I wish I could have stayed with her” he sighed looking out the tower watching the stars twinkle.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been much quieter this year as well, you stopped making fun of people. It’s not that nice on the receiving end huh?” you said with a teasing look on your face.

He shook his head at you scooting closer to you, it’s like the demeanor between you two have changed over the past few weeks. You found yourself pining over him rather than being in someone's bed. But this is how the cycle always goes, you get attached and they leave, you couldn’t help but hope this wasn’t the situation this time.

“Tell me about your father”

Daddy stuck around but he wasn't present

Cheated on your mom but she never left him

First I didn't get it, now I understand

He broke her heart, left money in her hand

So everything got paid for

She made sure you and your brother had way more

Than she ever had growing up

And when you told me the whole story I felt like throwing up

“ I don't know if i’d even call him my father at this point, he doesn't want me.” you sighed. “He's been cheating on my mum for years now and she still won't leave him because she thinks they can work it out. He’s had affairs with different pureblood women and has children with them. But what hurts the most is how he treats them as his own children and treats me as if I don't exist” you said, looking down as tears pooled your eyes.

Draco moved closer to you and brought his arm around your shoulders for a sense of comfort and waited for you to catch your breath so you can continue.

“I just want him to love me” you cried. “I go out my way to try and get his attention with my school work but it never works. That's why I get along with so many guys. I seek the validation, the comfort and the reassurance that I can get from him from others and I am so tired of it. I just want him to want me draco.” tears slipping out your eyes as you looked up at him, you’ve never confessed this to anyone before.

“Everyone always leaves, please don't leave me” you cried

“I’m not going anywhere” he turned his face towards you, leaning forward cautiously as if you were made of glass.

You leaned forward, wanting the exact same thing. Both very hesitant he gently pressed his soft lips against yours and they moved together in sequence, only taking a break to go back to his dorm and to breathe, limbs tangled together for the rest of the night until the sun rose.

I can see it on your face it was rough left a bad taste on your tongue

And she didn't even take any drug

She would rain all day

Couldn't wait for her son to shine

And you made it shine

There when she cried, you saved her life

It's been a week since that night in the astronomy tower and draco had already been avoiding you. It’s humiliating, but you should have known. You thought the ‘bond’ you had with him would last, it felt so genuine this time. So real.

You’d see him around the halls snogging pansy on your way back to the ravenclaw tower, lowering your head down so he wouldn’t be able to see you so you could get by quickly and unnoticed.

But he saw you.

He stared you right down in your teary eyes as he made out with pansy. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of betrayal, for someone who promised he wouldn’t leave you like everyone else, he did the exact same.

You did the only thing you knew of, you ran.

I keep on trying to let you go

I'm dying to let you know

How I'm getting on

I didn't cry when you left at first

But now that you're dead it hurts

This time I gotta know

Where did my daddy go?

I'm not entirely here

Half of me has disappeared

Draco followed you to the girls lavatory, hearing your shallow cries coming from one of the stalls. He approached the stall you were in trying not to make too much noise so he doesn't startle you.

He felt awful.

He promised he would never leave you, after you both poured your hearts out to each other but he still left. He had too, he was putting you in danger just by being with him. If Voldemort ever found out about you and hurt you he wouldn't be able to live with himself, that's why he took it upon himself to hurt you first.

“y/n are you in here?” he called out even though he knew the answer.

You recognized that familiar voice anywhere. “What do you want draco?” you said, trying to make it seem as if you weren’t just crying.

“I want to talk to you, please”

“No,” you said getting up and pushing yourself out of the stall. “You don't get to just throw me away after I told you everything and just come back into my life like nothing ever happened. Just go away, that's all you guys are good for” you spat.

“Just listen to me, it was to keep you safe. I didn;t want to but i couldn't bear seeing you hurt” he tried to explain.

“Safe?” you laughed. “ and what exactly do i need saving from, malfoy.”

“From me” he said as he pulled up his sleeve revealing his dark mark to you. Your body instantly tensed, you knew he was having problems and his family was involved with the dark lord but you never knew it was like this.

“Draco i-” you tried to say something but the words were stuck in your throat. He stood there looking at you desperately like he was waiting for you to tell him everything was okay, you wanted to be there for him but you didn’t know what to do. You trusted him with everything but he couldn't trust you with this? You thought the bond you had made would have made him trust you in the slightest, but clearly it's always you who’s more trusting.

“Why didn't you tell me?” you managed to say, your voice hoarse.

“I thought you’d leave me, you were the only good thing i had. Please don't leave me” he begged, salty tears escaping his eyes and running down his cheeks as he looked at you with desperation.

“So you thought pushing me away by snogging pansy was better?” you yelled, as he continued to look at you slightly taken aback by your lashing out.

“You know what, go ahead and cry little boy. You know that your daddy did too, you know what your mama went through. You gotta let it out soon, just let it out” you taunted walking closer to him looking straight into his teary eyes.

“This time I'll be the one that leaves.” and with that you were gone.

Go ahead and cry, little girl

Nobody does it like you do

I know how much it matters to you

I know that you got daddy issues

And if you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

It’s been months since that night in the girls lavatory, and you missed him. You wanted to visit him in the hospital wing once you heard what happened with Harry Potter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. He left you, and you were tired of always going back to people who just hurt you.

Now here you were at the battle of Hogwarts, standing with everyone while Voldemort and his death eaters stood across from you all.

“Draco, draco come here” you heard narcissa call from across the scene. He looked hesitant, as if he was waiting for someone to stop him but no one did. So he started walking over to his parents.

But you grabbed his hand.

“Stay please” you whispered looking up into his eyes.

He looked back at his parents and back at you like he was contemplating his answer.

“I’ll stay”

If you were my little girl

I'd do whatever I could do

I'd run away and hide with you

I love that she's got daddy issues, and I do too

—————-

tagging fun ppl nd ppl who interacted (so srry if u don’t wanna be tagged)

@hellohellook @astoria-malfcy @justfangirlthingies @sfdlm @falling-loki @notvasi @gwlvr @malfoytookmyheart

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hyukmoon · 3 years

Text

Class trip.

Synopsis | you're a teacher going along on a trip for a week with your class and a colleague you despised for a good amount of time now. Things turn around and you don't know what to think about him anymore.

Teacher!Xiaojun x Teacher!gn!Reader

warnings | kissing is the most rated things happening in this, all over awkwardness from you, terrible humor, pretty much just fluff and a there's only one bed situation

word count | 2.2k

things to note | this is the first thing I wrote here, so I'm open to constructive criticism, also [P/A] means prefered form of address bc you're a teacher and all that (not proofread yet)

Let’s preface this. You never really wanted to go onto this trip. You genuinely loved the children in your class, but to go onto this trip for an entire week seemed to be a compromise in the least. Neither were the other teachers your preferred ones nor was it your say where the class trip was going to take place. To be honest, you even found the colleague you were going with a bit annoying.

“It can’t be this bad, you might even enjoy it there. Our fellow colleague is pretty to look at and the worst that could be happening on that trip is that one of the children puts their finger into a pencil sharpener again.”, your friend Yasmin and also, teacher said. Your tired face was working, she shut up. Of course, your fellow colleague was incredibly handsome.

You would and could never argue against that, yet every time you heard their kind and expressive voice you felt like you were blinded by the sun. He just seemed to exude everything you lacked. It is not that you weren’t a good teacher, every time you were out of breath or already done with everything only half through the day, he almost smiled compassionately at you sometimes even winked for that matter.

Xiao dejun, who also went by Xiaojun was the topic of your discussion, a man that handsome you wouldn’t be able to make up in your dream and smart enough to make up for every “inconvenience” you faced with him.

Well, he was that smart to bring you coffee every morning into teachers lounge, share his chewing gum with you and sometimes write you notes if you seem stressed. “Jeez, what’s your problem in the first place? I’m kinda sure he is into you. Every time he looks at you, he literally has heart eyes and bringing you coffee every morning? Please.”, she rolled her eyes at you.

“I don’t think so, I just subbed some of his classes a few times. You know how nice he is.”, nervously you now shy away from looking into Yasmin’s eyes.

Xiaojun didn’t like you, you would feel terrible if he did. Tweaks of shame overcame you; this trip was not going to work out.

Fully packed and all over suspiciously you started counting again the fourth graders on the bus while also having a very good view of the chocolate brown hair of the teacher going along on the field trip. This time his hair didn’t fully cover his forehead, his glasses eyeing you as well. Suddenly his hands tapped on the seat next to him. Heat rose up to your cheeks gradually making it harder to move forward to sit next to Xiaojun. “Mila’s parents called me, she’s sick so don’t worry about her. Just sit down [Y/N], I brought some tea.”, he smiled while pointing at his thermos can. “Uh, sure. I have some cookies with me if you want.”, the last sentence closely sounding like a question as you quietly took the seat next to him.

Not only were you now stunned about the fact that there was a possibility for him to view you in a light like this in spite of you being so passive towards him in the past. Yet there is still the lingering feeling far, far up in your head that you were only imagining things and Xiaojun read everything wrong. “Are you feeling well? We can also sit farther in the front if you feel better there- “, he worriedly stroked your shoulder. “No, it’s completely fine. Just fine.”, you interrupted his ramble and put up your mouth into a cramped smile. His eyes returned that favor, crinkling up into a smile as well.

The bus drive didn’t take as long as you might have thought, your counterpart on the excursion was more than enough to keep you on your toes. Casual glances along a few accidental brushes over your hand kept you in your seat. Now counting again all the children in the lobby of the youth hostel you anxiously eyed Xiaojun again. The amount of children matched up, so your job was done for now, you were most likely only seeing them for dinner. The only thing to do for you now was to go up to your room and contemplate how to not have a physical reaction every time your favorite colleague called your name. Very obvious, you had of course no crush on him or anything like that. He was just blessed with beautifully shaped eyebrows and a voice that could make the worst words you knew sound like a ballade. You moved up from the hotel lobby with some of the grade schoolers to the elevator.

"[P/A] [L/N], do you think when I make Lasagna with my mum it’s the same as cake?”, Xia, a girl from Xiaojun’s music class asked while her classmates giggle about her question. A few loud no’s were to be heard with the occasional high pitched laughs from her friends. “That is a very good question I have never thought about before”, you stopped for a second, what exactly does it mean to be a cake? It is still baked in an oven with layers and contains the tomato sauce as frosting? “I am pretty sure it is. Even though I’ll talk to you about it tomorrow though, I am not a baking expert. I promise I’ll look it up for you, yes?”, you were pretty content with your answer. “Hmmm. Okay. They wanted me to ask.” Xia answered while pointing at the three boys in the back of the elevator which earned her some distraught faces from her classmates. The familiar sound of the elevator bell ringed. “Anyways, if you have as burning questions as these please come to me or …, we’re happy to help. Also, if you feel homesick or sick, I’m always in my room, just knock.” As soon as the last syllable was said stormed the children to their respective rooms and left you there looking at their body shaped dust cloud remembering the cartoons you watched at their age.

You walked down the long corridor towards the light brown lacquered door which showed in golden numerals written the 420. Your shoulders visibly sank down, finally you were able to take a nap. The door opened and closed maybe a millisecond later. Seeing a wide back heaving some shirts on to the rooms ear chair made you catch your breath. His glasses missing and his usually kempt hair was now chaotically drifting across his forehead into separate directions. More importantly though, he was most likely about to put on a fresh shirt, and you stood across the dark brown carpet in the door with a perplexed face.

“Sorry!”, you yelled and closed the door to just sink down with it in your back. Xiaojun packing out his suitcase along his pullover wasn’t what you were expecting to after talking about lasagna and wanting to fall asleep for at least good 30 minutes to then decide if it’s worth it to start to watch a movie. Yet you were barely discussing the fact that he was in your room. Neither did it make sense nor were you able to really comprehend the situation right now.

The door opened and you jumped up onto your feet. “[Y/N]? Why were you in my room?”, Xiaojun quiet voice slid through the gap of the door. “I swear there’s an explanation to this. I think they might have given me the wrong keys or something like that, I didn’t look at you or anything-”, he interrupted your nervous chatter to push the door open and face your confused state. “It’s fine, we’ll figure it out together.”, the usual quirky smile you normally saw when he was trying to cheer up one of his students appeared on his face. Your breath stopped at the together while a comfortable warm feeling churned in your stomach.

“Then let’s go downstairs and work it out with the staff!”, he gifted you another wink which not only gave you the final confidence to grab onto his arm before heading again into the elevator but to for the first time give him a wink back.

“The school only booked one room for the teacher. I can’t really do that much about it, most rooms are already full and other guests will arrive tomorrow, so I’m very sorry for the inconvenience.”, the hotel worker returned to the computer in front of them. “What are we supposed to do now?”, you sighed and gazed at the visibly pondering man. “Honestly, no idea. There isn’t much we can do, so I guess we could talk about it in my room?”

The walk to his room had to be filled with an uncomfortable silence, neither you nor he were able to say something that made the current situation less painfully horrendous. Almost as if the newly gained confidence left your body, you didn’t even dare to make more than an unfunny joke about your nonexistent room or more like transferred room for another alone soul. His room was already coddled with the scent of freshly washed clothes along his close to quiet cologne. “So here we are.You take the bed and I’ll sleep on the ground.”

“This is so inappropriate, dear god.”, you started to sigh again caressing your temples. “Also, no, please take the bed, the school probably forgot to book another room because I said yes to this trip so late.” Even though Xiaojuns throat seemed to struggle a bit with his next proposition, it was still loud and clear what he said. “We can also share the bed... We’re two grown adults.” He laughed awkwardly; you were pretty much speechless.

“Yeah, of course. Two adults. Nothing to worry or think about.”, you tried to brush off any thought you could possibly have about your opposition. No thoughts about his warm breath in your neck while holding you loosely in his sleepy state to waking up to his beautifully messy bed hair in the morning.

“I’ll take a shower if you don’t mind, some of the children were kinda fussy today and I just need a few minutes.” You nodded and unpacked your suitcase, followed by changing into some comfortable shorts and large shirt.

The second you were done; you sank into the still cold sheets of the large bed. He didn’t make you wait for him very long, barely noticeable however his eyes rested on you when he entered the small apartment again.

Neither did it take too long to sit along with you on the bed. “Are you sure you’re comfortable with us doing this?”, his soft voice hit you unexpectedly. “I can also sleep on the floor, or we switch everyday to do it.” You shook your head simply and crawled up the bed to make yourself comfortable under the duvet. “I’m so tired, just don’t steal the blanket, okay?”, barely able to keep your eyes open you sank even more into the mattress.

You really thought it would be easy to sleep next to him, yet the thought of holding his face in your hands didn’t leave your mind. Even asleep he had a stunning presence around him. “[Y/N]? Do you like me?”, Xiaojun turned around to see your surprised expression. “Of course, I do. I just thought that because you were so good at everything, you did all of these things just to spite me.”, you quietly confessed. “[Y/N], I wanted you to like me. You’re a wonderful teacher and I really admire you. You’re so funny with the other colleagues and generally so, so gorgeous.” Xiaojuns eyes lingered on your lips. They stayed there.

“Can I kiss you?” You nodded. His lips brushed softly across your bottom one. You took the opportunity to gain closeness to his warm side before shifting your hands onto his back. Slowly you began to pepper small kisses along his jawline resulting in a small whine from his side. His hands started to wander across your waist to rest on your lower back and pull you in even closer.

Not a lot longer after he started to skim your neck with his teeth. You rested your head now in his freshly scented neck. Again, his lips on yours moving over to just behind your earlobe, nipping on it and breathing into your ear: “Do you want me to continue?” Still resting his soft lips on your ear goosebumps rose up your spine. Waiting for another hint of pressed lips against your skin your arms lethargically crawled up and grazed his cheeks.

“Ah right, the children.”, your voice hitched he was still so close to you. “We could discuss this maybe on a date?”, he looked almost hopeful when his dark and strangely staring eyes met yours in the dim lit room.

“Us kissing and almost doing the deed? Sure. I’m much better at physical presentations though.” You pressed a delicate kiss against his lips. “Since when so provocative?”

“You bring it out in me.” “I’m glad it’s me and no one else then.”, he smiled into the kiss he gave you now. Not long from this you actually found the peace and quiet to fall asleep in his embrace.

#wayv xiaojun #wayv #wayv fluff #wayv x reader #wayv scenarios #wayv fanfic #xiaojun #xiaojun x reader #xiao dejun #xiao dejun x reader #wayv oneshots #xiaojun wayv #xiaojun fanfic #xiaojun scenarios #fluff #xiaojun fluff #xiaojun x y/n #xiaojun x you

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notmymainblog · 3 years

Note

if you're accepting requests, could you do a post-azkaban sirius x reader where she's the same age as tonks so they're in like a more secret relationship but somehow the whole order finds out?

I just deleted all of my progress, and I’m ready to die.

Idk if you see responses to your asks unless I tag u so I'm tagging you @msmb

I believe the age gap between Remus and Tonks is ten years?

I put Trewlany in the order to add some spice

If i forget a member of the order: no the fuck i didn’t.

TW: stressed Sirius </3 fluff, mentions, of war, them making out cause it’s literally unavoidable. uuuh that's it.

Master list

InteractiveFics

To use:

Download obvi. Click the icon (upper right by the search bar) in the first box to enter your name. If you did it correctly y/n should read as your actual name. Under that it will say something along the lines of “need to change something other than y/n?” there you can change anything you want.

y/h/c and y/h don't work together so please enter y/ho if you're inputting your Hogwarts house

Here’s a song I like:

There was a war coming. A dangerous war against a dangerous man. Everyone was freaking the fuck out, especially Sirius. The boy he was supposed to be protecting was caught up in the middle of it all.

You were the best method of stress relief. Your y/h/c hair, soft skin, smell, taste, voice, laugh, everything about you made Sirius slow down, take deeper breaths. Sometimes you were the only way he could fall asleep.

But he was old, or so he thought, ‘I’m thirty fucking six, and she’s in her twenties. This is ridiculous. She can’t really love me,’ he’d think.

But time and time again, you proved him wrong. Showing him how much you loved him with every kiss, with every touch, with every word, with every breath. And he gave your love right back. You were there for him, and he was there for you.

As you were lying in bed, you turned to face him, “I want to tell them,” you said.

He pulled you close as he whispered, “I know you do, but what would Molly think? Or Remus? Or Harry? Hermione would flip her shit and Arthur-”

“Ok, ok, I get it,” you grumbled.

He made up for it by placing a kiss on your nose. He moved to your mouth, and one kiss turned to three, turned to four and five, as you made out. His beard tickled your chin, and his mustache brushed your cupid's bow. Your hands made their way to his hair. God, you loved it when it was long. Threading your fingers through it and pulling gently.

As he moved to your neck, and suddenly the tugging wasn't as gentle. Small gasps and mewls escaped your mouth. His hands rubbed your sides, slowly moving your shirt up your body. He was in no hurry, but you were.

“God, Sirius, please just touch me, baby. I love you so much,” you gasped.

“I love you too, y/n,” he whispered.

“My word!” Molly exclaimed, dropping her laundry basket.

“Molly, I am so sorry, just please don’t...tell,” you trailed off, seeing she had already left.

You turned to Sirius, “what do you think?” you asked.

“I think,” he began, “that she’s going to sit with Tonks after the kids have gone to bed. I think she’s going to get a little tipsy. I think she’s going to tell Tonks. And I firmly believe the whole Order will know by the end of tomorrow.” he said.

You smiled, “would that really be the worst thing in the world?”

He kissed you, “no, but the lectures will be.” he laughed.

You groaned, “I don’t wanna think about it.”

A knock on the door startled you both into sitting positions, “y-yes, come in,” you stuttered.

Fred opened the door, “Mum wants you downstairs for dinner, dunno why she didn’t tell you herself,” he smirked, “nice side part Sirius, please get rid of it as soon as possible it makes your face look asymmetrical.”

“oh my god, Fred and George are going to kill us,” you whispered after he left.

“what’s really scary was the side part you gave me on accident, never again y/n,” he smiled, nuzzling the side of your face affectionately.

“no, that tickles, hey! Quit it! I’m serious, oh don’t you dare,” you warned.

“hmm, I’m pretty damn sure that I’m Sirius,” he said, looking at you for a reaction.

You clenched your jaw before getting up and walking down the stairs. You and Sirius refused to look at Molly the entire time, and Molly did the same.

“I’m sensing an energy,” Trewlany began. You internally groaned. She closed her eyes and raised her hands above her head with her palms facing upward.

“A nervous energy between two, no! Three people. At this,” she pointed away from you, “end of the table,”

Hermione glowered at her.

“Hermione dear, I can feel that it is radiating off of you specifically from your heart,” she said.

She got up from her chair and put a hand over Hermione’s heart, “Ah, yes. So sad, so hopeless, and suddenly angry, whatever could have caused that?” Trelawny pondered.

“I’ll be back with black sage and crystals, dear. I can help you become at peace with the darkness inside yourself,” Trewlany said, walking away from the table.

“She is absolutely batshit,” Hermione whisper shouted.

“I dunno ‘mione she might be right,” Ron said, shrugging.

“Oh shut up, Ronald,” Hermione groaned.

“Hey, you two,” You said, pointing at them, “break it up. Now I’m feeling the negative energy too.”

Hermione rolled her eyes before going back to her food.

The rest of dinner was quiet until Trewlany shuffled into the room, “there, there, dear, I’ll fix it in a millisecond,”

You gave Hermione a glare. She clenched her jaw and let Trewlany get to “work.” A few minutes later, Hermione was “cleansed,” and dinner came to an end.

You and Sirius took a seat on the couch. He looked around before pressing a firm kiss to your lips which you returned gladly.

You both chuckled when you pulled apart.

“Sorry, just couldn’t resist,” he whispered.

“It is more than alright,” you whispered back.

Little did you know the youngest ginger girl residing in the house was watching with a hand clapped over her mouth.

She rushed upstairs, “Ronald, get out of my room. You’re such an asshole,” Hermione said.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go,” he said, putting his hands up in surrender, “Oh hi Ginny,” he said.

As soon as he left, Ginny closed and locked the door.

“You’re never going to believe what I just saw,” she said, grinning.

“Well, go on,” Hermione said, obviously impatient, “spit it out!”

She took a deep breath, “I just saw y/n and Sirius snogging,” she gushed.

“No,” Hermione gasped, “You’re fucking with me!”

“y/n and Sirius?” George said, from behind the door. You looked down to see an extendable ear.

“George, what the fuck!” Hermione said.

“When Ginny ran up the stairs, I knew it was gonna be good, but this, this is amazing, this is priceless, this is- I gotta tell Fred,” he said, running away from the door.

“do not pester that poor girl, or I’ll hex you!” Hermione called after him.

“No promises!” he called back.

She turned to Ginny, “I think one of their only talents is eavesdropping” she nodded.

Meanwhile, in the boy’s shared room, Fred’s mouth hung open, and his eyes were wide.

“No!” Fred exclaimed, as George nodded, “But he’s so old!”

George elbowed him, “he’s not that old. He’s only...I have no clue how old he is, but he’s not old,”

“Oi, do you still have an extendable ear?” Fred asked.

“how do you think I heard it, dummy?” he said as Fred rolled his eyes.

Fred and George crept down the hall to your room. When they discovered you weren’t there, they crept up to Sirius’s room on the third floor. The ear wriggled under the door to hear soft voices.

“You have to be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen y/n. I am so lucky to have you. I have to be the luckiest man on earth,” he whispered into your ear.

“oh, hush,” you said, they could tell from just your voice that your cheeks were pink, “Besides, look at you. God, you’re fucking artwork, Sirius,” your hand ran up and down his chest.

The twins heard his lips press to your forehead. Of course, they had no idea it was your forehead. They could definitely tell when his lips hit yours. The kisses sounded wetter, and your laugh was muffled. They quickly pulled the ear back from under the door making disgusted faces at each other and shaking their heads.

You and Sirius fell asleep pretty quickly, Fred and George debated bleaching their ears, and Molly did, in fact, get drunk with Tonks. At breakfast, you and Sirius felt five new pairs of eyes on you.

‘what if I just kissed her right now?’ he thought, ‘in front of everyone.’

He shook it off, deciding against it. Towards the end of breakfast, he felt your hand squeeze his, bringing a smile to his face. After breakfast, you sat in the living room with Harry and Ron. It seemed that the only people who didn’t know were Ron, Harry, Remus, and Trelawny. You and Harry had always gotten along well. He saw you as a protector, someone to help and comfort him.

Your heart warmed every time he came to you for advice or just to vent. He was funny too. It was rare when no one laughed at his jokes. Ron liked you a lot also, mostly because Harry liked you and you “weren’t mean like Hermione,” Ginny and Hermione saw you as their best friend too. You had sleepovers at least once a week.

You were joyful and youthful, and everyone wanted to be near you. Even Fred and George would (rarely) avoid pranking you or ask for help. You didn’t get on as well with Tonks and Molly. Ever since Remus rejected her, she had been depressed. Now that she knew you were with Sirius and that the age gap between you two was the same as hers, there was a coldness in her tone. She may have even slightly resented you.

Molly was lovely but quite judgmental, and things were just...awkward. Arthur was kind, but you didn’t have any overlapping interests. And, to quote Hermione, Trelawny was “absolutely batshit,” You got on well with Remus, which always made Sirius smile.

Two ginger boys ran in being chased by a brunette and another ginger girl.

“Fred and George Weasley, don’t you dare!” Hermione said.

“Oh, we dare!” they said in unison.

They stopped in front of Harry and Ron.

“Boys, what are you-” you began.

“y/n and Sirius are snogging,” they said together. They were pretty damn good at it.

Harry was processing the new information very slowly and, well, we all know that look Ron gets when something confuses him. Then they turned to you and Sirius. He sat back on the couch with a small smirk while your eyes were wide with blush covering your cheeks.

“You look so cute like that, y’know,” he said, grabbing your chin to face him.

“Sirius,” you hissed.

“What? They all know,” he shrugged.

Much to his delight, your cheeks grew even warmer.

“So you're, ” Harry started; his reaction was the one you were most worried about, but a large smile graced his face, “y-youre gonna be like my godmother, right?”

You looked at Sirius who nodded, “yeah, yeah I am, ” you smiled.

Harry got up and hugged you, “hey, were not engaged or anything everyone calm down, ” you joked.

“Well actually y/n, ” Sirius smirked.

“Youre fucking joking,” you said.

“Yeah, I'm joking, but someday I won't be, ” he laughed.

Remus just leaned on the doorframe, watching this all go down. When everything calmed down, he walked through the room, stopping to pat Sirius on the back.

------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, msmb, I have a warning about the next request of yours I'm posting: it fucking sucks. I mixed fandoms with MHA because I have an obsession with a wrinkly psychopath and man who looks like burnt toast that I just needed to get out of my system. I will ONE HUNDRED PERCENT rewrite it for u love <3

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #harry potter #harry potter marauders #x reader #marauders era #fan fic blog #fan fiction #fanfic #fluff #sirius orion black #sirius x you #sirius black fluff

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natsukitakama · 4 years

Note

Hi ! I just found your blog, and I love your domestic headcanons for manbun!Eren it's so soft aaah I'm dying ;; Also ! If you're okay with some reincarnation AU, could you write some headcanons of manbun!Eren reuniting with his significant other in this lifetime ?( Like, for example, considering what happened in the last manga chapters, would he feel too self-conscious and/or guilty to even approach them now, even if it was in a different lifetime? etc etc.) Thanks a lot

Author note : aaaannw thank you so much I’m so happy you enjoy it as much as I enjoy write it ♡ Your request sound so sweet to me I hope you’ll like it. I’m sorry for taking so long !

Warning : Some angst nothing to nasty / Reincarnation AU / Some spoilers if you haven’t read chapters be careful (just mention though). Also you could find a prequel to this here

i do not own the gif credit(s) to the owner(s)

Masterlist

Normally when someone is reincarnated, they’re not supposed to remember their past life : it’s like the whole point. But it wasn’t Eren’s case.

At first he thought those were just bad dreams, something all made up because of anxiety which were due to his future exam. Deep thought he knows they weren’t dream : they felt too real and the more he thought about it the more he could remember.

Since he couldn’t forget about it, Eren decided to face the problem so he could fixe it even annihilate it. He didn’t take long before he remember everything.

His past life, his mum’s death, his father turning him into Titan, Him eating his own father, The way he promised himself and to everyone he will kill every titan, the choice he made in order to be free, you and especially the last time he saw you.

His mouth went dry at the mention of you, he could feel his stomach twisted as if he would throw up. But nothing will happen, because he lose you, because he didn’t trust you enough or maybe because he was too selfish to even ask your opinion. He could picture your last meeting easily. He was still bitter about it, he shouldn’t talk to you the way he did

After the Marh’s incident Eren was detained, on the jail he used to live couple years agp. The moment he was in jail, Eren knows he’ll leave to execute his plan, this was too important for him to waste time in some talking. Everyone around you wanted an explanation about Eren’s behavior while all you wanted was to see your boyfriend and to check him be sure he was okay and healthy. However it took a lot of arguments for Hanji to let you go to see your boyfriend, they weren’t sure if it was a good idea they still has doubt.

As soon as you have Haji’s approval, you run as fast as you can to meet Eren, you couldn’t wait to see him, talk to him. It’s been a whole year since the last you two were together, you couldn’t describe how much you miss him and frankly you would easily into Hell just to hold him close to you.

During this year you overworked yourself, knowing Eren would need everyone’s help when he will be back : the last thing you wanted was to be a burden for him. He was your beloved there nothing you won’t do for him. So you trained again and again, always working harder to become stronger, so you could be strong like Mikasa (or at least get closed to her level). Everyone was impressed by your motivation, some even jealous about your passion. You and Eren have both your goal and nothing won’t stop you from achieving them.

However nothing could prepare you to this, no one could train you enough to that moment : When you were finally face to his jail, you met nothing but a cold-glare not a smile or sign of happiness to see you. As if you were the last person he wanted to see.

« What are you doing here Y/N ? »

« What are you talking about ? I wanted to see you silly »

« Again what are you doing here ? »

« I don’t understand Eren, I mean it’s been a year … Don’t you think I’ve the right to want to see my boyfriend ? To talk to him after everything happen ? »

« What do you expect me to say ? »

« I don’t know why do you leave without telling me something ? What happen in Mahr ? What was your plan Eren ? Innocent people died »

« Armin used to say that sometimes you need to do « bad thing » in order to achieve your goal that’s exactly what I’m doing now. »

« So is that the reason why you don’t say anything to me ? Because you were afraid I might tell you to not do it ? »

« No I didn’t talk to you because I knew you couldn’t understand you never did »

« That’s unfair Eren I was always on your back, I always support you no matter what »

« Exactly you never question my opinion »

« Because I was agree with you otherwise I will tell you »

« I don’t think so, I think you follow me like a lost puppy because you were eager of my love you would everything so I will love you »

« That’s not true Eren and you know that »

« Oh yeah ? Then tell me why did you come ? »

That question froze you, of course the main reason was you missing him but you wanted an explanation, his truth about what happen so you could defend him properly. But was it true ? Did you always support him because you were afraid he might stop loving you ? Were you so desperate ?

« See you couldn’t even answer a simple question and you dare asking me to explain my plan ? Why will I do that ? You would be a burden anyway »

You swore you could hear your heart break at this instant, you being a burden ? No it couldn’t be, you work so hard to help him so you could be useful to him. Then you felt it, something hot was rolling on your cheeks you were crying in front of the man you try to convince you weren’t useless. What a shame, you should be mortified crying in front of Eren no wonder why he thought like this about you. Fortunately you manage to say something

« That’s not true, I work harder I wanted to help you because I believe in your goal because we make a promise we will achieve our goal together. Did you forget this ? »

Looking at him right into his eyes, all you could see was disappointment and probably some frustration as if you bother him. Why was he acting like this ? It was so out of character at least that’s what you thought.

With a sigh he gave you his last word to you, Eren still feel bitter about it

« I have to be honest with you I don’t know if I ever love you back in days I was probably too young to understand what I felt about you. But now I am sure about something I don’t want to be with you anymore I don’t want a burden when I’m fighting for freedom. You should be thankful cause I’ll let you take benefit of my fight but you don’t deserve it. Weak deserves nothing but slavery ».

That’s what the last time he was until he somehow manage to achieve his goal and then waking up in some alternative present. This time weren’t full peace but nothing to compare at what he lived. He has a pretty good life, friends, a complete family, even good grades but since the beginning of his new life he know something was missing. Now that he remember about his past life, he knows he was missing you. He needs you. He couldn’t lose you again.

He knows at this very moment he has to meet you again, he has to apologize for his behavior, he has to tell you everything : he never wanted that, he thought you couldn’t manage his plan, the last thing he wanted was you being hurt because of him. All he wanted to do was to fight so you could be finally free. In titan’s universe he knew he didn’t have much time left, everything had to be done quickly before his own end. It was his goal since he knew about his life expectancy : To give freedom for his people.

So yeah some things has to be done, but he promised himself to never ever have regrets. But still, he shouldn’t talk to you like this. All he wanted to do now was to make things up.

Eren Jaeger was a lucky man, he always was and this time made no difference. He used to meet you time to time in college for some school you two shared. Before he was fully aware of his past, he already felt attracted to you : you were kind, always known what to say and when to say it, you were smart funny and never afraid to show your opinion. And dear lord, you were so attractive, the way your eyes was full of passion and your lips Eren loved the way they shake slightly when you cracked a smile at him when you made fun of him.

Yet, something has changed, your behavior has changed you weren’t like you were used to be : Could you remember your past life just as Eren did ? Were you connected so when one of you were aware of his past life the other one too ?

If this was true, would you ever want to talk to him again ? Was it right for him to desire you ? Should he work to own you back ? Did you ever love me ?

Eren Jaeger is a brave man, but in rare occasion he could feel fear not about the situation but he could be afraid about himself. To be clear, even after the time skip he still felt self-conscious about him : like he wasn’t strong enough, he could be a burden and now he was afraid you might don’t want to ever speak at him again. He was afraid he might lose you back there : the worst was he couldn’t even be mad at you for hating me, he was such a bastard to you. He talked to you like shit, he broke you and for what ? Be sure you won’t mourn him when his time would come ?

It’s been a month since your behavior changed and Eren never talked to you, he couldn’t barely sleep : each times he was falling asleep all he could see was your broken face when he called you slave, he swore he could hear your heart broke at his harsh words. And each times he falls asleep because of exhaustion from crying over and over at you. It felt like he was that young boy he used to be who joined the army.

One day his mum decided enough was enough, she was aware about his son’s pain and was more than ready to confront him about it. She decided to wait until he’ll be back from school and will ask him for a talk.

The two were sit face to face while Carla Jaeger took a deep breath and then look at his son : he seemed so sad and yet so angry.

« Did you have a fight with Armin and Mikasa again ? »

« W-what ? No ! Why would you think that ? »

« Because it’s been a month since you couldn’t fall asleep without crying first and I want to know why »

Of course his mums knows, she always knows everything when it came to him or his father

« Well there that student I used to study with I really love them like a lot but … I did something wrong no I said something awful to them I literally broke them but now I have this chance to make things up to clear my own mess »

« Then why don’t you do it ? »

« Because everytime I tried to talk to them I have the feeling I shouldn’t do that cause I don’t deserve a second chance you know ? »

His mum sighed of course, Eren being the man he is, would think too much about it. Being self-conscious give him the feeling he deserved nothing and should be ashamed.

« Look I couldn’t say I know what you’re feeling cause I’m not. But I know you Eren I know you could be stubborn when it came to something you loved ou believed and I know sometimes you made mistakes. So I’m going to tell you this : if you felt guilty for what you did to them then apologize don’t try to explain your behavior just apologize tell them your sincerely sorry and please for the sake of your mum tell them you love them and there nothing you won’t do to fix your mistake »

What Carla said was true, it might no make things like they used to be but at least Eren won’t feel that guilt everytime he puts his eyes on them. They won’t probably ever want to talk to him, he didn’t deserve that, yet he has to do this.

One day after their sharing lesson was over, Eren went directly to them asking for a « talk » which surprised it’s been a couple of weeks since you two ever share a glare at each other. But you followed him not knowing why you shouldn’t

« So ? What did you want to tell me »

« I wanted to apologize »

« For what you did nothing wrong ? »

« Yes I did ! You can’t remember but I did something terrible I even hate myself for daring to say something like this to you. I don’t even know what I did this in the first place but I did because it felt right to me. But now I realized I shouldn’t talk to you like this, especially because you mean everything to me you were my world - you still is- you need to know that everything I said or did was for you I wanted you -and the others- to be free because I couldn’t be here with you. The last thing I wanted was to you fighting to chose someone to take my burden after my end. I was supposed to end this. Of course you don’t know what I’m talking about but- »

« I do »

Freezing, Eren looked at your eyes only to meet your tearing one. The smile you were wearing reminds him his dream and his past life when you two used to date, imagine your future together. But that couldn’t be that right ?

« Y/N What does that mean ? »

« It means I’ve waited so long I hope you would remember me. I always hope there were something behinds your words, i would do anything just to meet you again just to talk you one last time and asked you. »

« Wait does that mean… »

« Yeah Eren I remember everything, one day I just woke up in my bed and I just known who I used to be who I love »

« Y/N I’m so sorry I wish I could do better »

« You can do you know why ? »

« I don’t »

« Because we have a second chance now »

A second they had, after reuniting with you Eren never missed a time to cherish you like he was supposed to. It was as if he tried to counterbalance everything he did wrong this terrible day.

During your whole life together he did everything to make you happy, couple of months after his apologize he asked you to be his partner for the rest of his life. You practically jumped into his arm, tears all along your face while saying again and again « of course I want to of course I will marry you »

You two get engaged and get married after graduating from your college, all of your friends were here as if nothing has changed since your past life.

3 years later you and Eren have finally become parents

2 years after you two became parents for the second time

Coupe years later like 60 years later, Eren died peacefully in your bed he was looking at the window thinking about his whole life : his past life and now, he felt lucky very lucky he got everything he ever wanted, his family back, his friends were saved and finally free, he got you by side (you never left him and he couldn’t be more thankful for that), he has two amazing children who now were adults and started to built their own life, he got the chance to cherish you like he was supposed to. Eren felt like it was his time, in fact there nothing he would ask except some extra-times with you but he knew after all he’ve been through he would be selfish for him to try to live longer. With a last look on the window, looking at the landscape he then took a last look at your family picture on the wall besides him and then closed his eyes for the very last time with a smile.

Couple months later it was your turn, like your husband you felt like you have the life you deserve and know it was time to let your children and the next generation live their own life. Imitating your husband you took a look at your family picture and with a smile you closed your eyes too knowing your husband was sitting somewhere waiting for you to come by his side.

You two were soulmate it took you a long to realize what linked you, but if Fate got you together one time you know you would reunite to your Eren again.

You couldn’t wait to see in which life you would be reincarnated

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xxrat--punkxx · 3 years

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JUMPING ON THIS BAND WAGGON

Ok here’s my 2020, tw//mentions of suicide and abuse

(Strong start lmao) 2020 sucked ass lemmi tell ya. This year was a fucking train wreck from the start, ur hay I got character development so who cares. Well let’s start with a review, bad things first.

Yall remember when everyone was scared shields of COVID?. Lol. But that’s stating the obvious. When we went into lockdown I was first like fuck yeah summer lol, but then the threat of ‘staying home for the rest of the year’ set in, bing in my first year of sixth form I really understand the stakes of exams next year. So having to stay home for the rest of the year freaked me the fuck out. I literally couldent cope, having to do all classes online was fucking hell, they were never zoom classes either, just ‘lmao do the work and hand it in’ which was near impossible for me. I was also in the constant ‘oh no I’m so stressed but I will do NOTHING about this lmao~’. As the days turned to weeks and inevitably MONTHS, my mental health said buckle up bitches. Days were spent sitting in my room on my phone doing NOTHING, meanwhile this perpetual notion of stress played in my head yet there I sat not having the will or motion to move.

Then my parents got involved. Now THATS when shit went from pretty crummy to awful, now I was living with them constantly I was able to see who they really were with no real filter. And oh god do I have issues, I didn’t even fucking know. Every day was an argument, my mom was the worst, the MANIPULATION, the constant ‘you're tearing this family apart’ or ‘so I’m the problem?’ Or the fucking indecent playing the victim. And I all only just realised, that they have been doing this ALL MY LIFE. Dad got involved but he was just physically violent, only twice tho. The worst part was my work, admittedly yes, I didn’t do everything I was given, but I tried, I really did with what little motivation I had. But with just one ‘oh your daughter hasn’t handed in this work’ I was a ‘lazy, good for nothing failure’ to quote ‘who will never go anywhere in life’ so I’d spend the rest of the day crying while they play the victim bury saupying I was abusing their love and just using them for money. But the next day be like ‘oh I’m so proud of you you're doing so well’ having that statement being completely unrelated to the previous events. This was constant. So that’s that story. I won’t talk much about Black Lives Matter because we all know about how that went. But it really affected me, I found myself crying over the victims multiple times. And the lack of support for the movement my peers or family showed made it fucking worse. Crying was a common occurrence for me now, mental health really taking a nosedive, being too scared to call myself ‘depressed’ or ‘mentally ill’ to any extent because I know I’m faking it and just want validation. That was also constant. Fun times huh.

BUT IT GETS WORSE 🥲, then I had to go back to school, awful to fucking abhorrent now. Year two of sixth form fun right? Sure, if u take away the ‘no free time period’ or the wanting to kill mystery for literally a whole 3 weeks. That was my lowest peak. Ever. I’ve never wanted to kill myself before then, don’t like that feeling. Shocker huh. That mixed with the constant anxiety of nothing is right anymore and also needing to succeed at school all made one healthy dose of ‘.exe has stopped working’ juice. Yet I played the fool, acting happy as if nothing had happened, or was happening at least, and venting by imagining scenes in my head with fictional characters lmao. Telling myself ’u can’t kill yourself because u don’t deserve too and ur just asking for attraction’. Then midterms happened blah blah blah, stress but I’m numb to it now that whole story.

But that’s not to say there wasn’t a silver lining.

Onto the good things finally, yes the year was probably one of the worst years I’ve been through in my life it did not go without its positives. For example early this year I got into borderlands properly, I finally explored the fandom and had a look at what it was like. Albeit a slow process considering I was still predominantly on Instagram at the time, and finding a community of a fandom on there is impossible. I started browsing Pinterest or the Internet for images that would link to my favourite characters, Who were to no ones surprise is the calypso twins. Pinterest led me to artworks and artworks led me to the infamous Lazulizard. Who I cherish all my being. Three weeks later after looking at her entire tumblr blog and stalking her of pretty much all her content (sorry for that by the way) I found border-spam. By this point I didn’t have tumblr and I had no intention of getting it seeing as an ongoing war I’ve had with myself since 2012, declaring I will be the bigger man and never get tumblr, which in hindsight was an awful mindset. Seeing as tumblr is probably one of my favourite places on Earth right now. But after also stalking border spams account, again sorry, and starving her of any content she’d ever posted. I was happy that this fandom although as niche as it is was actually getting content. At the time spam and lazu were absolute gods to me. Being the sole producer of a fandom I probably wasn’t even in properly, having both impeccable writing and impeccable art like good God. I would often think ‘wow wouldn’t it be incredible if I actually got to talk to them one day’, now look at me I’m doing commissions for both of them good God. And to be short joining tumblr felt like a fever dream and it’s probably the greatest thing I could’ve done this year, my parents are wrong, talking to strangers is amazing.

Something notable of mention this year as I actually got to figure out who I am as a person, I was able to find my own style and to find my interests, specifically in what I liked in terms of clothing. I thought I was LOL 2012 goth hipster but no apparently I’m manic Pixie dream girl. Going from pink is the ugliest colour in the world to having it be the only colour I will ever wear. I made some pretty big choices this year like cutting pretty much all of my hair off and dying it for the first time. Thanks strict parents for only letting me do that one now. But like I said I went to a character Ark and you know what I like it. I also played BioShock fallout and horizon zero dawn for the first time this year starting to really feel like a proper epic gamer, good lord kill me, and falling in love with all of them almost immediately. I also figured out on a plant mum and I’m into vulture culture although my parents have to disagree with that one. Asking to buy an Horse and fox skull somehow scared them a little bit can’t seem to figure out why lmao.

So a conclusion, Fuck you 2020 you made me miss two comic cons and I will never forgive you for that shit I am SO mad. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt you did make me meet some absolutely incredible people who I consider my friends, despite going against every single Internet safety law I was ever taught as a child. But you know what who gives a flying shit I love you guys. So that’s what I wanted to say. I want to say thank you to everyone on here and everyone is following me or even interacted me with on that matter. You mean the world to me and I really fucking mean it. Are you going to be nothing but amazing ever since I walked onto this fucking hell hole. And what I go through all of this bullshit again if it means I ended up here? You know what I think I just might. So again I thank you and I hope your year didn’t go as badly as mine, and fuck it bring on whatever the fucks next!

Honourable mention of this year was The time Elisa actually complimented me and I cried a little bit and had a panic attack but you know that’s for another day

🥺💕

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colour-outside-the-liness · 3 years

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Hey, I'm doing good too. Just normal amounts of stressful stuff right now. Just moved to a country I've never been to before but can't complain, things are not as hard as the last time I did this so. Thanks for asking! Yeah, I saw you posting about some pretty scary health issues before, I'm glad you came out of that alive and hope you're healthier now!

The nerve some people have! Haha I know I would be pissed if people were questioning my intelligence like that especially after a couple of drinks in haha. Though I do like taunting people when I play group games, I'll be like "don't need to try that hard guys, you're gonna lose anyway" just to mess with them or just call people sore losers if they accuse me of cheating haha (they're probably right on the accusations tho). People get real mad sometimes it's kinda funny. 😂

Omg literally laughed out loud reading this! Hahaha, how did you manage to fall over a road sign then end up in a ditch? lol omg hope you didn't get hurt too bad 😂 I was trying to downplay my drunken escapades but since you shared yours I should tell you my worst one:

I was at this summer street party at night and got drunk on something made out of tropical herbs and cachaça (which is about 48% alcohol), drank 3 and a half bottles of that like it was apple juice, made friends with a bunch of strangers in a bathroom queue (who tried to talk to me weeks later but I had no idea who they were), had to be held by my best friend while I peed (mostly missing the toilet), fell in the middle of the street and scraped my knee, threatened this boy who was helping me walk and told him not to try anything funny or I would beat him up, then dragged my friends to the beach and left them shortly after to go make out with my ex, came back with lipstick all over my mouth and chin and when my friends asked what I was doing I said I was just talking to my ex and they were like NO YOU WERE NOT, hahaha then I kissed all my girl friends on a dare and we danced under the full moon, then I told my best friend I had to puke so she took me to the ocean but I changed my mind and happened to step on a dead turtle on the way back and started crying bc of it, but last month my best friend told me it was a rock I had stepped on (I believed it was a dead turtle for 7 years!). Had the worst hangover of my life the next day. ✌️✨

Ah I'm happy you liked it! I've never listened to Six musical before but it sounds fun! I can see why you like it haha made me want to dance around my apartment 💃. And hey if liking musicals is your thing then it's great, I'm sure Hozier will understand if he's not your top artist of the year. 😋 Here's my "damie" Pinterest board if you or anyone else wants to check it out, totally recommend making one if you're a visual person like me!

https://pin.it/UcHVlkq

Oh I could talk about Dani and Jamie forever I think. I love the beast in the jungle speech too and it's so painful to watch, VP delivered that beautifully, but I have to admit I'm always a crying mess from episode 1 when older Jamie starts reciting that song about being sad while waiting for her lover to return, this show is fucking cruel I hate it and love it at the same time hahaha. Omg your mom 😂 but I mean it's truly an honor to be compared to someone like Dani, no? She's really great even if she needs a little help haha (don't we all).

Aaah you're amazing! Thank you so much, I'll read this pirate AU soon!

I used to draw a lot, really loved doing it when I was a kid as I said before, and all throughout adulthood too but I haven't done that in almost a year now bc I've got a bit of a case of burnout I guess, it just takes a lot of effort to do it when it shouldn't be like that at all. I used to do fanart too, for other fandoms. Even made one for Dani x Jamie but ended up not liking how it turned out haha. I've got a lot of respect for writers and fanfic writers also! Yall can make words make sense in really interesting and beautiful ways, build worlds so enthralling I can see them vividly in my head. Writing is such an incredibly fascinating skill to have! And I guess the most important thing is that we enjoy doing these things right? Even if we think we're not particularly good at it.

Anyway, have a lovely weekend! 👋✨

Good I'm glad you're doing great but sorry you're dealing with stressful stuff!! Hope living in a new country goes well for you I'm so jealous that you've lived in different countries I'd love to live somewhere else even if just for s few years!! Awwh thank you so much I definitely came out of it alive and am feeling so much better now thank you I mean I do some pretty ditzy things so when people say it to me it's pretty deserved sometimes, I'm secretly smart and people just don't expect it so I never mind too much haha I might have to start saying the things that you do and just taunting them over it I mean, I usually do win even when they make me answer different questions so I will definitely have to start saying things like that to them Haha I love that you're just like "yeah they're probably right in their accusations" I agree seeing how mad some people get over games and stuff is funny (it's me I'm people I hate loosing games depending on what it is and I am very competitive) So it was very dark and all we had for light was my roommates flashlight on her phone but while we were walking home a friend of ours that lived else where kept texting her to make sure we were still safe (my phone as dead at this point) so while she was texting him her flashlight was facing down and someone had moved this road sign to the footpath and it was on that sits on the floor so while I couldn't see it I walked into it and fell over it but while I feel I grabbed hold of it and flipped with it and fell in a ditch with it on top of me... I was fine and was just laid laughing while my friend looked down at me and in the most northern accent ever just said "get up you dickhead." and helped me off of the floor and then asked if I was okay... and I was so it was all good!! Haha 😂 I love this drunken story that sounds like one hell of a night and is a roller coaster from start to finish!! I'm sorry you thought you had stood on a dead turtle for 7 years though, someone really should've told you that it was just a rock!! But that sounds like my kind of night!! I love nights like that... stories that will last a life time... the only down side is the hangover... luckily I have only ever had one hang over in my life and it wasn't the morning after the road sign fiasco... I felt surprisingly good the morning after that haha 😂 It's such a good musical it's about Henry VIII wives and I just love everything to do with his wives and that musical is so much fun and actually gives a little insight to the lives the six Tudor queens had away from Henry and with him because at school we're mainly just taught about him which sucks!! I loved the Hozier song and am definitely gonna have to listen to more of his stuff!! I love musicals so much I mainly listen to musical soundtracks at the minute- usually, Legally Blonde and Six on repeat haha 😂 Ooo thank you I will definitely check out this Pinterest board thanks for sending it to me!! I could talk about them forever too... since watching Bly Manor my niece has been asking me so many questions about it and I am more than happy to talk to her about it haha!! The beast in the jungle speech just breaks my heart every time I relate to it so much and VP just delivers it so beautifully!! Oh yeah now I know at the beginning that it's older Jamie I am just a wreck the whole show is just so beautiful and heart breaking at the same time I LOVE IT!! Even though it makes me sob- I keep putting myself through it!! I mean, yeah I was happy that she said it Dani is great but it was the way she said it... my mum can be something else sometimes... she said she thought Dani was like me the first time she does the accent when she says "I've fallen quite in love with London" because I just randomly do accents a lot too but it was the way she was like "She needs help... but I like her she reminds me of you" I was just like... "Should I go get help?" I still don't know the answer to my question about if I need help or not but I mean I probably do need it You're welcome I really hope you like it!! It's a

great fic I love it!! Yeah I get that if stuff starts taking too much effort and burns you out you're not gonna wanna keep doing it so it's understandable that you stopped!! I think fan art is great and I really would love to be able to do it myself but I just don't have the skill it takes!! Awwh it's a shame you didn't like the Dani x Jamie one you did I would've loved to have seen it!! Honestly there are so many talented writers out there and when I read their fics I am just in awe of the worlds they have built and the stories they have created we are so blessed in this fandom to have so many amazing writers and so many amazing fics out there Oh yeah definitely its important to enjoy what you do!! I know I love writing and love writing fics for Dani and Jamie so I think I'll be doing it for a while even if I'm not great at it haha Awwh thank you very much I hope you have a great weekend too!! ☺️

#lib3rtin33

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Amelia & Jac

Amelia: My mum heard wrong and you're actually okay, right? Jac: I am now Amelia: but it was you Jac: me and half of Dublin Amelia: I could care less about about 3/4 of this town Jac: generous, a whole 1/4 Amelia: you know what I mean Jac: yeah Jac: your maths isn't that shocking Amelia: what happened? Jac: what do you mean Jac: I didn't accidentally swallow my mouthwash or something Jac: you know how it goes Amelia: alright, why did it happen? Jac: It was new years Jac: simple as Amelia: you don't give a shit about New Year's Amelia: or anything else right now Jac: I was feeling festive Amelia: because? Jac: because it's the reason for the season? idk Amelia: you're really going to make me figure it out? okay Jac: there's fuck all to figure out Jac: you've got drunk, you know why Amelia: What did she do? Jac: which nurse was it that told your mum Jac: or was it a receptionist, they're the fucking worst Amelia: answer my question so I don't have to go on her profile Jac: go ahead and look Jac: you won't be surprised, no one else is Amelia: [does so a pause] Amelia: I'm sorry Jac: I knew anyway Jac: well, was 99% sure Jac: but then that 1% went so Amelia: You could've called me Amelia: nobody on the gossip grapevine even knows the lad who brought you in Jac: I very much couldn't Jac: I was passed out Jac: so me either, the thank you note will sit here unsent, like Amelia: before, I mean Amelia: she didn't post that last night Jac: it was Christmas Amelia: so? Jac: a time for family Amelia: you used to be Amelia: basically Jac: well that's just weird Amelia: again, you know what I mean Jac: not acceptable to float your incest fantasies just 'cos you've got no siblings to go there with Amelia: ugh, shut up Jac: works for me Amelia: no, it doesn't Jac: ask anyone Jac: I've had a very relaxing break Amelia: none of this is working for you, that's why you ended up in hospital Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: that was the tequila Amelia: none of this is funny Jac: what do want me to say? Amelia: quite literally anything that isn't a pisstake Amelia: that's how low my bar is now Jac: I got drunk, it isn't the drama your mum and whoever the fuck is making it out to be Amelia: it isn't a drama that you got so drunk you had to be medically emptied out after being brought in by a stranger, no of course not Amelia: anything could have happened to you but why the fuck would that matter Jac: clearly I was surrounded by nice people Jac: I wasn't in a crack den Amelia: you wouldn't tell me if you were Amelia: unless you had a joke you could make out of it Jac: I appreciate that you find me so amusing Jac: I'm not making jokes, there is just nothing to actually be said about any of it Amelia: Fine, we'll go back to not talking Jac: don't let me ruin your good time Amelia: it's a bit late for that advice, thanks anyway Jac: amazing Jac: way to make my hospital stay about you Amelia: how could I? It's all about Savannah fucking Moore, as always Jac: so you wanted to be the one I drank myself into a coma for Jac: I'm so sorry Jac: I'll try again next time and leave a note shouting you out Amelia: no you won't, because that would involve telling people about me Amelia: I might as well not exist Jac: 'cos I'm going around telling EVERYONE that this is about her Amelia: it's never been any secret how I feel about you or that I need you even though you don't need me Amelia: and you could've fucking died or something Jac: seriously Amelia: yeah Jac: it's bullshit if you actually believe that Jac: and you're not just saying it Amelia: all of this is bullshit Jac: I'm a fucking mess Jac: I hit you up all the time Jac: why do you need me to spell it out to you Jac: hire a fucking skywriter Amelia: none of it matters because when things actually matter, like this, you don't Jac: because I'm not fucking okay Jac: that doesn't mean that I don't those other times Amelia: I know that Jac: you clearly don't Jac: it means nothing Jac: then fuck it Amelia: it doesn't mean nothing Jac: it's so fucking Jac: infuriating Jac: I haven't talked to anyone else in person for so long Jac: and I barely do it in writing now either Jac: don't pretend you don't know that means something just to fit your narrative Amelia: what to do want me to say? or do? Amelia: I've spent ages worried about you even before this and there's nobody I can talk about it with because you won't Amelia: I don't get to be upset because it's Christmas and we're not friends and I'm over it, that's the narrative for everybody else Amelia: then I hear this and it's no big deal to you, apparently Jac: just not be so fucking dense Jac: at least when you're talking to me, you don't need to pretend that now Jac: what would you like me to say? how fucking vile it was having to bring up my entire stomach contents, what it smelt like? how terrifying it was to be there on my own? Jac: or what can I do for you now? start sobbing about how out of control my life is, repent, promise to change and be different? Amelia: I've already lost you once because of her, I can't do it again Amelia: especially not like that Jac: I can't stop loving her Jac: I can't stop it hurting Jac: all of us Amelia: I can't stop loving you Amelia: and she isn't going to force me to when she isn't even fucking here Jac: There's no point blaming her Jac: if she didn't know, before I showed her how I felt Jac: she didn't know about you and me Amelia: and you think I'm dense Jac: I don't think she's perfect Jac: not completely Amelia: it's progress Jac: shut up Jac: I'm sorry, alright, I wouldn't have told you, you wouldn't have needed to be worried Amelia: I'm worried by all the things you don't tell me Amelia: where you go and what you do when you're not 'hitting me up' Jac: it's not as if you'd wanna hear it though Jac: you want me to stop, like everyone does Jac: but I just Jac: I can't Amelia: I don't want to hear it because I know it's not what you really want Jac: I can't have what I want Amelia: you can't have her, it doesn't mean you have to have that Jac: None of it was real Jac: but it doesn't erase all that time, what was said and done and felt Jac: not for me Amelia: of course it doesn't Jac: it's like I'm trapped Jac: I can't go back but I'm just left here, she's left me here and all of the things we were going to do and be together aren't going to happen Jac: I'm not going to be that person but I'm not the same as before Amelia: it's like she killed you, you have to grieve Jac: I don't like who I am now Jac: without her Amelia: you said it, you're a mess Amelia: not much about that for a virgo to like Jac: this is just another day in the life for you is it Jac: 🦂 Amelia: it's not about me Amelia: how you feel about you Jac: it's no secret I CLEARLY hate myself Amelia: it'd be the worst kept secret ever if it was Jac: so yeah, it's nice to flip the script, have people think maybe I hate them instead Jac: I ruined Christmas because I hate you all, like, yeah, fine Amelia: maybe Cammie's brothers are little enough to fall for it Jac: it's surprising how effective playing at being a coma patient is for the cause Amelia: everyone knows you're hurting instead of hating Jac: alright Jac: sounding like a cringe 90s rnb love song is not cute Amelia: I'm not cute today Jac: have you got your serious face on to match your tone Amelia: my parents have and if you can't beat them, join them Jac: did your nan say something homophobic and they forgot to call her out on your behalf? Amelia: I'm grounded because of what you did, that's what passes for logic in this 🏠 Amelia: they haven't stopped talking about it or trying to overhaul my life Jac: oh great Jac: I'll not be able to see you too now Amelia: they've told me to stay in, they can't make me Amelia: you can see me whenever you want to Jac: your parents are actually sensible, if leaning towards over-protective Jac: they'll get a restraining order Jac: or me sectioned, if they can really sell it Amelia: they don't know about us Amelia: you're fine Jac: they know they don't want you being my friend Amelia: they don't want me getting hospitalised, that's all Amelia: they know if we were still friends I'd look after you and vice versa Jac: it isn't catching, it's alcohol poisoning Jac: can we go to the beach Jac: we've obviously missed the official swim but I want to Amelia: they did run out of Christmas drinks because I never got around to replacing what we stole and I did have to take sole blame, so that's where they think I'm heading Amelia: but yeah, we can go to the beach Jac: their friends always could put it away Amelia: and I wasn't even drunk last night Amelia: because I'd already had a lecture Jac: how drunk did you get on Christmas day then Amelia: it's not my fault they all stop at a couple of glasses Amelia: or want to my life a competition vs the child or children of every single person my parents know Amelia: 🥱🙄 Jac: you didn't know miracle was a lifetime obligation as well as a fancy title? Jac: gutted Amelia: did I hit you up, no, therefore I CLEARLY wasn't drunk enough Jac: Charming Amelia: 😏 Jac: you know, when I get drunk, I make really bad choices/nearly die Amelia: not always Amelia: and I might've given my cousin my phone so I didn't send you anything, okay? I'm that 😳🤓 Jac: She blatantly wanted to nose at all your private texts anyway Jac: I wouldn't trust any of mine as far as I can throw them Amelia: she'd have to steal my fingerprint, I definitely wasn't that drunk Jac: don't you delete them after? Jac: amateur Amelia: what would I do when you aren't talking to me if I did, read a book? Jac: you're quick with the recommendations for me, so yeah Amelia: I get enough migraines without encouraging them Jac: 😏 Jac: we definitely shouldn't be friends then Amelia: that's not even in the top 10 of reasons why we shouldn't Jac: again, so polite Amelia: come on, you know I'll break any amount of rules Jac: it's not supposed to be adding to the fun of it, like Amelia: fuck supposed to as well Jac: alright Jac: but I ain't going out and getting drunk tonight Jac: I feel inside out still Amelia: what do you want to do then? Jac: I don't know Jac: let's just start with the beach and I'll see Amelia: okay Jac: what do you wanna do Amelia: I only give a shit about seeing you Jac: It might take me a while to get out Jac: goes without saying I'm more than grounded Jac: one pair of 👀 on me at all times Amelia: that kind of wait won't kill me Jac: alright Jac: I'll think of something Amelia: remember a coat this time, yeah? Amelia: I can't lend you any more without literally taking the one off my own back Jac: oh no Amelia: you didn't nearly die in my coat, did you? Jac: I was wearing it Jac: but I don't have it now Amelia: oh Jac: I do remember where I was, I wasn't that gone when I arrived Jac: but I don't wanna go back, I can give you the address? Amelia: do I want to go there or should I just hit the sales? Jac: yeah Jac: consider it a late christmas present? Amelia: wait, my late Christmas present isn't that you didn't die? Jac: you're glad, aren't you, that's a gift Jac: but I also meant money for a coat, that's only fair, if anything Amelia: I can afford my own replacement coat Jac: alright Jac: but I did lose it Amelia: I lent it to you, if it was that precious to me, I wouldn't have Amelia: and my mum will be thrilled I'm asking to go shopping Jac: yeah, true enough Jac: what did you get her for christmas? Amelia: [something her basic mum would actually love because she only had to buy for her parents so might as well go in] Jac: wow, daughter of the year much Amelia: I'm their only daughter, there's no contest Jac: all I got mine was a nervous breakdown so you know Amelia: I did that last year, you know, before it was cool Jac: 🤓 Amelia: I'm sorry that you didn't invent pining Jac: I'm not pining though, you can have that Amelia: I don't want it Jac: I'm sorry you invented pining Amelia: I didn't, I just happen to be amazing at it Jac: or bad at it, depending on your outlook Amelia: well yeah Jac: I look awful Amelia: how do you feel? Jac: awful Jac: at least there's no disparity there Amelia: you've nailed it, along with the majority Jac: start as the year will go on, no matter my intentions or otherwise Jac: fucking hell Amelia: I look great, you've been warned Jac: 😂 Amelia: 👧🏻 Jac: at least it isn't bowl-esque now Jac: like your xmas throwback Amelia: I knew you'd like that Jac: that santa is creepy looking though Jac: your face says it all Amelia: 😂 Jac: how likely do you think any of my siblings are to cover for me right now Amelia: 🤔 very unlikely Jac: distract and run it is Amelia: can you even 🏃 the state you're in? Jac: They gave me IV, I'm technically in my prime, thank you Amelia: carry on Jac: you don't have to come Amelia: I want to though Jac: alright Amelia: okay Jac: [I think she should ask Jesse to cover but whatever the outcome of that convo let us say you do get out somehow and you can go to the beach] Amelia: [yeah even if he won't, find a way gal] Jac: [have your nice moment] Amelia: [it's deserved, well not really because you ruined christmas and new year's but Savannah ruined everything first so it kind of is lol] Jac: [it's what being a teen is all about henny] Amelia: [not this teen, I was a goody two shoes] Jac: [my boo is too good she would never lmao, I did so] Jac: [I think they should have a nice time but then someone/someone's parents is at the beach so she's like well bye] Amelia: [that's very valid because you lowkey wouldn't be able to go anywhere without seeing someone either they know from school or Amelia's parents know the parents of] Jac: [exactly, it's an easy way to end things before anything really has to be said or done so tah everyone] Amelia: [I hope you're both going home, we don't need any more drama immediately] Jac: [my boo says get your ass back home] Amelia: [mhmm] Jac: [she has nowhere to be so I'm sure she's going back to bed lol] Amelia: [get your arse back home too Amelia even though I'm sure that girl has text you at Christmas and New Year's] Jac: [at least you weren't at the beach gal] Amelia: [I 100% vote you do see her when school starts though even though she in the year above and would have to seek you out lol] Jac: [my boo says let her have it] Amelia: [we do love the jealousy always] Jac: [mhmm] Amelia: [not letting you date her though because she actually seems to like you so that'd be rude] Jac: [only jac and savannah can do that lol] Amelia: [Savannah do like this boy cos he reminds her of Jac remember LOL] Jac: [lmao]

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terselylove · 4 years

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Depression...

My experience of dealing with social anxiety is a feeling of overwhelming fear when interacting with individuals I wasn’t comfortable with. I was unable to look people in the eye when speaking to them, and struggled to keep a conversation going. I came off as both extremely quiet and shy, as well as rude, which anyone who knows me well knows I am the opposite of.

During this period of my life my self-confidence was at an all-time low, and I felt disgusted every time I looked in the mirror. I stayed away from people as much as I could, and felt I made an embarrassment of myself whenever I went out in public. I constantly had a voice in my head saying “Why would anyone want to be friends with you? You are ugly and pathetic.”...

I love summer. Lighter evenings, longer days, warmer weather, summer dresses, perhaps even some sun if we’re lucky. Generally speaking, as seems to be common with most people I speak to – when the sun is out, I’m in a better mood. However, as someone who also experiences periods of depression, I’ve found that this isn’t generally the case when it comes to my mental health.I’m fortunate that I’m currently in a much better place at the moment but, when I think back to a few years ago, I found the summer months to be an immense struggle.When the clocks sprung forward, it all felt a little bit daunting. The things I’d usually look forward to about the change in seasons now served as reminders that I really wasn’t ok.The lighter evenings and longer days meant more time counting down the hours until it was dark enough to go to sleep. The warmer weather meant more plans to cancel and, as a result, more excuses to make up. I couldn’t even muster up the enthusiasm to decide what to wear each day – something which would ordinarily bring me a lot of enjoyment – and so the summer dresses stayed at the back of my wardrobe.Perhaps depression is a little easier to understand in the winter. It’s dark, it’s cold, most people are spending evenings at home not really doing much. If I was having a particularly bad day / week / month, it didn't feel so wrong to get home from work, change into my pyjamas and just go to bed.Yet when summer rolled around, it seemed as though everyone was out and about having the ‘best time ever’.

And then there I was, struggling to get out of bed.For someone experiencing depression, it can be difficult to watch those around you enjoying themselves. I'd mute group chats so as not to be met with the constant barrage of plans, I'd excuse myself from after-work drinks, and I'd invent reasons not to attend BBQs and family gatherings.“But it’s such a nice day…” people would say, “you should get out the house, it might cheer you up."Yes it was a nice day but, whilst their words were well-meaning, they simply weren't helpful. I already felt as though I was wasting my summer and I knew I should get out the house, but it just didn't seem possible. A nice walk on a sunny afternoon might do wonders if I'm just having an 'off day', but depression is so much more than that, and a sunny afternoon isn't a cure.Depression doesn't care about the weather, your weekend plans, or the birthday coming up that you'd do anything to be able to enjoy. It doesn't think to itself "summer is here, time for me to disappear for the next few months."

That isn't how it works.I'm in the fortunate position of having friends I could be honest with. Friends who would still keep inviting me to things 'in case I felt up to it' and didn't judge me when I stopped replying to messages for days or weeks on end. They'd suggest shorter periods of socialising that felt a lot less daunting, and remind me that they were still around if and when I felt up to going out.In more recent years, I've managed to enjoy my summers without the weight of depression casting a shadow over them to quite the same extent, and for that I'm incredibly thankful. I think my own experience has also made me more aware of how others might be feeling, and I'd encourage anyone who thinks a friend might be struggling to try to understand and have a little patience.

Some people understand it, some think it’s an attention call. For me, depression is like that pile of laundry that you don’t want to show in your Instagram pictures. I never want to show my pile of laundry to the world, I want my life to seem happy and put together, as if I folded and put away all my laundry right out of the dryer.Ever since high school I have suffered with extreme depression and anxiety. I can defend the issue for hours and hours, however I get embarrassed when I feel sad. I get so embarrassed when I am sad and those around me do not understand and treat me as if I’m crazy.Typically most of my life I’ve always just been called dramatic when I’m upset. It has become one of my biggest triggers, because most of my life I haven't had that fight to defend it. I just, quite simply, let it eat at me.Depression can be the hardest when others just don’t understand you. I get sad for no reason so often that I’ve created safe spaces. In our current home, my safe place is my bathroom floor. Probably about at least three times a month you can find me locked in my bathroom on the floor, crying. The lock on that door is the only form of power I feel I have at that moment.

I see you.

I share this because it’s real, I share this because everyone has that pile of laundry.

I know everyone may not have depression, but everyone has something hard they’ve experienced, everyone has something to share and everyone has something to relate to.

Many times I have found myself on that bathroom floor contemplating life and how to make it past that very moment, will I? I have to say how thankful I am that I haven’t followed through. Life is so hard. Sprinkle on some depression, heck, dump it on - and life is now even more hard.Please don’t ask me how I can be so sad I could contemplate suicide. Because honestly I do not know, nor do most people in that situation. How did we make it to this moment? What did I do to deserve this sorrow?You never know who is hurting. Those who are, we often are the most resistant, waiting for a hand to be held out for us to grab onto as the pressure of our mental being closes in on us.Check up on those who are quiet, those who check up on you; maybe conversation is being sparked due to their need to communicate. Let’s talk about our hard times, it’s healing, not embarrassing.So, here’s my laundry pile. You’re not alone.

Depression is not an emotion - it's an illness

Ah, mental health stigma surrounding depression. The worst that's been said to me in all these years having depression is:"Don't go and have a moment on me!""Don't quit your job. I know your job has been making you feel depressed but you're being stupid. You haven't tried hard enough.""Is that all your depressed about?""Stop being ungrateful and take your Great Aunt's advice!"

Please, stop.

This is not me being lazy, ungrateful or selfish. This is me dealing, sometimes suffering, with depression. This is my demon running its black toxins through my head, poisoning my thoughts and feelings.

Depression is not an emotion, it's an illness. A completely and utterly illogical illness. Just like with colds, for example, some colds can just be a little sniffle, sneeze, etc, while some colds can completely wipe you out and keep you bed-bound for x amount of time. Whether you have a mild cold or one from hell, you still have a valid cold. People with the strongest immune systems can still be affected by them.

From an outsider’s point of view, sure, they would be able to see the positive things going on in your life. However, when depression strikes, for me at least, it feels like a part of my brain has turned off the switch to be able to enjoy things. If it's really bad, I'm unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel with whatever I'm dealing with. I can also feel like a shell of a person sometimes. It's as if my brain has temporarily sucked up my personality and misplaced it somewhere else. I'm there but not there at the same time.

I don't choose to do this, depression is basically trying to tie me down in a chair at the cinema, forcing me to watch its fake "reality" tale about how my life will always be rubbish, dark, etc and how I'm worthless. Sometimes I can fight it off, but other times it can catch me off guard and I believe it for a while. Depression, by the way, is one hell of a liar.

The best way I can describe the switch being turned off is while you can see the beautiful colours of the world, I only see black, grey and white. My favourite meal in front of me is suddenly tasteless mush. My favourite TV show/YouTube channel is changed to, what feels like, a very boring presentation about something I've never been remotely interested in. Going out with loved ones can feel like everyone is spinning around me in fast motion while I'm sitting there in slow.

Depression is one of the worst things I have ever experienced, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thankfully over the last 9 years I've learned to differentiate my depression thoughts from my healthy thoughts. I know my depression is just trying to make me watch a fake tale about me and my life, like how I described earlier, but I know I can beat it each and every time it knocks me. Depression might be strong but I'm much, much stronger.

Please do not judge other people's struggles and do listen to what they have to say. Their mountain may be a molehill to you, but everyone is different and everyone’s feelings are valid. Please, please always remember that.

For a long while, I've been having issues with mental health. I remember asking my mum one day years ago if hearing and seeing things was normal and her response still sticks with me. "You're too young and don't know what REAL mental health problems are."

At the time I was incredibly depressed, anxious and scared of myself and what I might do. Whenever I tried to reach out and ask to see someone for help because I was seeing things, she always gave an excuse to dismiss what was going on, like I needed more sleep or I needed to "stay off that phone!". I just wish she might have listened a bit more, instead of brushing me off as lying, or getting angry and impatient with me. If she had been more supportive, I would have felt more capable of handling myself during my bad episodes.

Considering that not even my own mother would believe me, I truly felt alone and thought that no one would listen to me and brush me off as liar or even a fake. It made it hard for me to reach out for help or take care of myself in the ways I needed.

Now that I'm in my later years of university and I'm in a relationship, I've had to be truthful to myself and acknowledge that I do have issues that need help with. It's taken me even longer to learn how to trust people, that people will reach out to help me if I ask for the help I dearly need. That I won't be told I'm too young or it's because I'm tired or because I'm on my phone too much before going to sleep.

It's taken me years to realize that I need help and that no one but me can choose whether or not what I'm dealing with is real. I don't need someone to compare their own experiences to mine and deem my cry for help as valid or not. But if I had a parent that believed me and took me to someplace where I could've gotten the help I needed, I think I would've been able to cope better with my conditions now.

Some people fail to realize that mental health doesn't discriminate against age and sadly for me it was the person I looked up to most that failed me.

I never know how to explain depression to someone. It’s so different for everyone and comes in so many different forms. Some people describe their depression as a weight that holds them down, ever-present and demanding of their time. Others describe it as a shadow that looms in the back of your mind, always taunting and jabbing and trying to tear you down. Some days, you just have thicker skin. And then sometimes, depression is described like drowning. It’s wading in an ocean of poison and barely catching your breath before you’re dragged back under.

I don’t think people understand that depression is constant. Some days it doesn’t feel as heavy, it doesn't tug and pull as hard. And other days, it knocks you down before you can even get out of bed.

I am always fighting this constant battle with myself. I may smile and laugh and seem happy, but know that, somewhere, in the back of my mind I'm struggling. The happy interludes, the in-between where the weight doesn’t feel as heavy, are simply vacations from the reality that is my depression.

It makes me feel like a failure, no matter my successes. I feel worthless and like I’m a burden on everyone around me.

My depression is a beast that lives inside me. It whispers horrible things in my ear, tells me that I am waste of space. And all the while, I have to smile and pretend I’m okay.

That life isn’t beating me, no way. I’m too stubborn for that. I have to pretend that there isn’t some rabid animal inside of me, clawing to get its grip around my throat and snuff out my life.

People who don’t have depression don’t understand. But they can still be there for people like me. When they say something that scares you, don’t yell. Don’t get angry because you don’t comprehend how their mind works.

My mind is a scary place. I shouldn’t need to open up and spill my darkness for your compassion.

Support people with depression, even if you don’t understand. Just be there.

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