#yep they are a fucking asshole
Note
I went into this trying to cause chaos but now I'm genuinely saying this because they kinda need to be called out.
Crimson, the big demon, the player, is kind of bleugh.
I would say pathetic but in truth the term they need should be more complex and left to interpretation.
Crimson, you clearly have issues and you have a horrible way of dealing with them. That is clear beyond belief. (It's even stated by lili herself.)
You should probably realize that you're never going to get what you want out of things. You clearly want some emotional attachment however the way you determined a "fool proof way" to get it will only lead you to disappointment. Though, personally, I don't care. You did this to yourself and you wrapped all of us into it because you're both selfish and blind. That's not my problem.
I can only be so calm and uncaring about your behavior, though I guess I still don't care lmao.
I don't care what happens anymore, I don't care about if we die(though idk about the others' opinions lol). We've been doomed to a cycle. We'll break eventually. The moment we weren't allowed to die was the moment that proved there is no turning point, there is nothing for us anymore.
God, all I wanted to do was relax.
I wish we were still with Dust, I really want cuddles right now.
Congrats, Crimson. You've officially made things harder for everyone, including yourself. I don't even care what you say to that or how you feel.
(Idk why I got so into typing this lmao)
yeah they're a bit of a self contradictory asshole. (you good bud?/gen/lh I did put the warning tags there for a reason lol. you're absolutely right to call them out for it. I hope it didn't trigger you!)
also not gonna deny them being basically a whirlpool of angst dragging anyone who comes close enough to the bullshit.
but this reaction of yours would... trigger them to go back to being absolutely HORRIBLE to you.
they were being "docile" and "peaceful" to you so far. but they can do SO MUCH worse to you than what they did to dust.
they'd also weaponize sans knowing you care for him. they're toxic most when they're being threatened with being LEFT BEHIND or left alone. if you treat them by ignoring them?
yeaaaah they're gonna fucking lose their shit and go off the rails just to keep you there... they're not yandere for no reason. and unlike most media actual people with yandere like traits aren't cool or bad ass. they're scary and disgusting selfish people who CAN'T see beyond their own desires. trapped in their own head.
dust is the opposite but has the same obsession he wants to save you from their games by killing you.
I know they're mean. and it's okay if you hate them! I didn't make them to be likable. I just made them the combination of being completely apathetic AND obsessed to death...
are you gonna choose death/true reset? that's always an option to weaponize against both dust AND crimson.
I'll wait to see who else is on board.
#answered asks#frend#lv triangle#toxic relationship#yep they are a fucking asshole#there's still a place for redemption somewhere but if you insist to trigger them by threatening to leave...#seems like you've become like them more than you realize#tw emotional manipulation#tw toxic relationship#it does get pretty messy#oh boi#dusttale player
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My mary sue evil overlord mr big bad OC Reiskurum ლಠ益ಠ)ლ
feat @wigdevil's Druin in the last pic XD
#my art#made me think of reiskurum#made me think of druin#IT THEM#Reiskurum is a horrible narsissistic overpowered asshole who's never not throwing a tantrum about something not going his way#He magically enlarges himself to be mc fucking huge so that he's always bigger than anybody else around#If there's someone even larger YEP Reiskurum is gonna make sure HE'S suddenly at least twice as massive#He regularly abducts people and forces them to perform in horrible reality shows that get aired live on tv#Nobody can stop him because of course not so he just gets away with anything
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i dont think people get how fucking. stressful being a high school dropout can be
#gira.txt#i cant get my ged cuz i failed the math portion twice and want to now kms whenever i think about it tbh#i feel like i have to lie about it like mhm yep i sure am a functional member of society! i totally didnt drop out junior year!#SIGH.#i fucking HATE it.#im just gonna have to pray i become functional enough to get a job when i move yaaaay#ughh.#i hate this house i feel like a freeloading asshole
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What people think bakugo stans sound like: oh my god my precious little boom boom baby who never does anything wrong
What bakugo stans actually sound like(in my experience): oh my god. You little gremlin. You fucking shithead. Of course he’s yelling (affectionate). God give me those muscles pleeeeease… (when he gets whacked on for his temper) HA deserved! God you make me want to write whump again. I think I WILL write whump again… *proceeds to write 100k fic putting bakugo through the goddamn wringer* I love him
#these are both me#all jokes#my hero academia#because i’m a bakugo kinnie and i say so#mha bakugou#bakugou katsuki#it really do be like that#I love him#and I want to shake him dear god#what a little gremlin#watching him go from total asshole to slightly less of an asshole was the best character arc ever#I really think most bakugo fans just channel Izuku#they just go#yep#that’s an asshole#but he’s MY asshole now#so fuck anyone who tries to end him
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mm. :/ came out of my flare and was feeling too cocky about it ig. gotta get knocked back down a peg every single goddamn day lest I risk enjoying myself like a fucking human person for once.
#me#prsnl#spent all day packing. couldn't camp.#not even in the car where its warm.#try to make plans for a few days down the road instead. maybe we can still do a color tour#nope!!!! youre out of weed asshole.#i ask for something specific on the grocery list#dad takes off before the list is done. doesn't tell me hes going. comes back w completely different shit that i cant eat.#my mom laughs and says yep you just gotta do it yourself.#i tell her HOW. I CANT. i have NO money. if he doesnt buy the food i ask for I DONT GET FOOD.#she literally says nothing.#its fucking one thing after another today#i am BARELY functional even out lf my flare. i am BARELY holding it together rn#and literally. no one cares lmao.
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Ooooh~ Drink mix up? >.>
Because! Wes DID, in fact, get that dream job. HAS learned... after many, many hours of "beat about the head and shoulders with an ethics pamphlet by his great aunt", to keep his mouth shut! Family curse of Sight? WHAT family curse?
He doesn't see shit! Mind your business.
What're you? A cop?
Look, he sent Fenton a gift basket. He was a shitty, shitty "I have to be RIGHT and nothing else matters!" Stubborn lil asshole of a kid. He got better. Grew up. No one is there best Self during puberty. He DOES, in fact, regret it.
Which is WHY, he is deliberately ignoring Kent's terrible, awful, paper-thin, "who meee~?" Aw shucks BULLSHIT excuse of a disguise, like it isn't blatantly obvious he's Superman. Yep. Nothing to see here! Nothing but us chickens! Mmmmm, morning coffee! Delicious.
But see, here's the THING.
The Itty, bitty, teeny lil PROBLEM...
Wes grew up in Amity "Totally Not Supernatural Hotspot For Centuries" Park. He is... to put it mildly, genetically? A freak. His biology is ALL fucked up. Everyone's is. And it WAS NOT made better by the Fenton's playing fast and loose with their hell basement. The Ectoplasmic NUKE that was that portal.
There is a REASON his morning coffee? Is COVERED. Contained. Fenton brand, LEAD LINED, specialty cups. The sort that can't be EATEN from the inside out. Eroded after a few uses. They're ugly as sin, but they work. He even ordered a few covers from Star's etsy shop. (Apparently he wasn't the only one who hated how ugly they looked. Good for her though, he heard it was doing well.)
He SAYS this? 'Cause his morning brew is less... straight COFFEE... and more... how to put this? A blend? Brew? Potion, really. Like an energy drink. From hell. Or, partially at least, the Zone. It's the combination of roots, seeds, and a few dried berries. Kinda like a tea, actually!
Tasty. Adds this nice fruity, warmth. A zing. Goes GREAT with the coffee. And it really perks you up... if you are Limnal. If you AREN'T? It'll desolve your esophagus like swallowing straight acid. And that's not TOUCHING the... witch-y, more Seer specific bit of the blend.
That stuff is medicinal. You know, "calm the mind" and "mental clarity". That sorta thing. With a good ol helping of "don't blurt out everyone's secrets, you spacey bitch! For the love of God, those are our INSIDE THOUGHTS!". Which? Really helpful! Infinitely less likely to get decked. It's a family staple.
Poisonous, though.
They're fine cause they've basically developed an immunity to that part, but like? Wouldn't recommend. It's why he NEVER shares his drinks. Food? On occasion. If he PLANS it and knows not to add and interesting spices. But DRINKS? Never. Weston family brews are basically NEVER safe.
Which? Begs the Very Important Question ™!
Who's Coffee Is This?
Cause it SURE AS FUCK AINT HIS!
You never realize quite how fast you can go from "completely calm and kinda sleepy" to "bomb strapped to my chest, primal panic AWAKE" until it happens to you. His coffee was ON HIS DESK. People have passed by. He talked to them. Cups put down and picked up. Lazy early morning. He doesn't even register, really, as his chair crashes to the ground.
He's shouting.
People confused. They don't realize yet. His head whips around, looking for that distinct cover. Before it's too late. Before someone takes that fatal sip. He spots it. Bolting from his desk. Crashing through coworkers, over desks. Chaos and outrage. "It's 'just' coffee!" They cry.
Kent turns, confused. Pretending. Raises his (HIS! Oh god!) cup to his lips, unknowing. Wes SCREAMS a warning. But he doesn't listen. "It's 'just' coffee" They never listen. Curse of Cassandra. God's damn it. This is why his family fucking CONVERTED!
He TACKLES the man of steel.
RIPS his cup away from him, knows his eyes are frantic. How much have you had?! Spit it out! Wes voice ECHOES in the sudden silence. I'm a META, Kent! It could KILL YOU!
And oh, Oh NOW they get it. Or perhaps it is the burn in his mouth that finally registers. He rolls, spits oil slick nebulae that eat away the floor. There is blood mixed within it. It took mere moments. Superman stares, transfixed and horrified, as Wes shakes. He... he should probably get off of him.
He'll move in a moment.
When his legs no longer feel weak from terror.
The news room is in chaos. Lane kneeling by her husband, Perry trying to do damage control. He... he's probably gonna lose his job, isn't he? Wes wants to cry. Protection laws only go so far, after all. And warning his boss about his dietary needs means jack shit, after an incident like this. Beloved as Kent is. Not that anyone likely believed him.
They never do.
And now he's nearly killed Superman.
@hypewinter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @nerdpoe @lolottes @babbling-babull @mutable-manifestation @dcxdpdabbles
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dc x dp#dcxdp#dc x dp prompt#minji's writing#killer coffee au#weston family brew#will make you see god or meet im
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Happy Valentine's, all. <3
Eddie doesn't want to be making this call. Literally the last thing he wants to be doing is making this specific phone call, but he'll be damned if he lets his asshole of a roommate get away with this.
After a moment the ringing stops, and a voice says "Hello?"
"Uh, hi, is this Steve?"
"It is, who is this?"
"It's Eddie, Jake's roommate? I got your number from him." Well, from his phone when he'd left it unattended one day, but Steve doesn't need to know the details. "I really, really hate to be making this call, especially the day before Valentine's, but uh. Jake is cheating on you."
The line is silent for a moment before he hears a weak "What?"
Eddie's eyes squeeze shut at the heartbreak he can hear in that single word. He hates that he's doing this, but knows it needs to be done, for Steve's sake.
"I got home from work not too long ago, and heard him with some girl in his room. I took a video, if you want proof, but I just- I thought you deserved to know."
There's a bit of shuffling on Steve's end, along with a soft sniffle. "I, uh. I don't need the video. I believe you. I'm not all that surprised, if I'm honest."
He huffs a laugh, the sound so self-deprecating that it makes Eddie's stomach twist in empathy. "Guess that makes me three-for-three on my long-term partners cheating. I'm starting to wonder what the fuck is wrong with me."
That last part is softer, like Steve was speaking to himself, but Eddie hears it and frowns, because- because Steve is lovely. He can tell that Steve is beautiful inside and out, always kind with just enough sass to make him so fun to be around.
He's always makes sure to talk to Eddie every time he comes over, even if it's just a simple greeting or goodbye, and whenever he cooks at their apartment - because he's a great cook - he always makes enough for Eddie to have some as well.
It feels wrong to hear Steve talk like this, like there's something about him that needs to be fixed. Like his previous partners were right to abuse his love and trust, instead of treating them like the treasures Eddie knows they are.
Before Eddie can speak out to reassure him, the man continues. "Thank you for telling me Eddie. Spending Valentine's alone is gonna suck, but I guess that's better than spending it with someone who doesn't care about me."
"Spend it with me."
Eddie isn't sure where the request comes from, but as soon as it leaves his mouth, it's all he wants.
Steve gives a soft "Huh?" and Eddie repeats it, "Spend it with me. A boy as pretty as you shouldn't be cooped up inside on a day like Valentine's. Let me take you out, try to salvage it for you at least a little."
Steve goes quiet, and for a solid ten seconds, Eddie is sure that he's about to be rejected.
And then Steve says "Jake was supposed to pick me up at 6:30 tomorrow. I'll come by yours at six instead, so I can break up with him before we leave. Is that okay?"
A sigh of relief, and Eddie slumps into the wall behind him. "Sounds perfect, Stevie. Wear something nice, but casual, okay?"
"I can do that. I'll see you tomorrow, Eddie. And thanks again."
Jake comes across Eddie the next evening as he's packing the last of the food into a bag. He's spent the last hour or so getting it ready, making sure it's all perfect even though it's nothing too complicated.
A meat and cheese plate with some fancy crackers, a jar of the pickled asparagus he's recently become addicted to, a bowl of diced fruit and a box of fancy chocolates he'd splurged on.
He'd even dropped money on a bouquet of roses, and he already has a few comfy blankets and pillows packed into the back of the van. Everything perfect and ready to go. When Jake sees his preparations, he lets out a low whistle.
"Wow, Eddie. Trying to impress someone?"
Eddie shrugs, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. "Yep. It's our first date, so I want it to be special. Didn't wanna go the usual, boring, fancy restaurant route."
He's sure that's what Jake had planned for himself and Steve, and it's confirmed by the way his nose wrinkles. "There's nothing wrong with spending money on your date, Eddie. If you have the money to spend, that is."
Jesus Christ, Eddie can't wait to move out of this fucking place, and away from this fucking asswipe.
"Anyway, I've gotta go pick up Steve soon, and I'm planning on bringing him back here tonight, so maybe see if you can crash with your date, yeah?"
"Sure thing-" Eddie replies, though he's interrupted by the sound of a knock ringing through the apartment. He grins wide, knowing exactly who it is. "That must be my date. Can you grab that while I finish up here?"
Jake rolls his eyes but complies, and Eddie freezes in place, not daring to make a sound so he can hear whatever interaction is about to happen.
The door opens, and he hears Jake's confused "Steve? What are you doing here? I'm supposed to be-"
"Yeah, we're not doing anything anymore. Ever again, actually."
God, Steve sounds so bitchy, and Eddie fucking loves it. He grabs the bag of food and the bouquet of roses from the counter, glad that he got dressed beforehand, and makes his way to the entry.
"What are you saying, Steve?"
"I'm saying that we're over, Jake. Maybe you can call the girl you fucked last night and take her to dinner instead."
Eddie turns the corner in time to see Jake's stunned expression, clearly not expecting Steve to throw that at him. He takes a moment to bask in the fire burning behind hazel eyes, until they slide to him and that fire vanishes, replaced with something sparkling and delighted.
"Hi, Eddie," Steve says, his demeanor changing like the flip of a switch, and Eddie beams. He steps closer and offers the bouquet of roses, along with a "Happy Valentine's, Stevie."
The money Eddie spent on the flowers was worth it to see the blush that floods Steve's face as he reaches out to take them.
"Oh, thank you. That's really sweet of you."
"What the fuck is happening right now?"
Eddie and Steve both turn to look at a very petulant and confused Jake, and Steve just smiles. "Well, you just got dumped, and my Valentine is about to take me on a date."
It takes a moment, but something must finally click, because Jake's face goes red with rage. Eddie just grabs Steve's arm, guiding him out of the apartment before the man can actually do something.
"So what's the plan?" Steve asks as he takes Eddie's hand, lacing their fingers together as Eddie leads him to his van.
"Well, uh. The next town over still has a drive in theater, and they're showing some old romance movies tonight. The drive to get there is pretty nice, and we'll actually have some time to talk, and then- I have some blankets and pillows in the back of the van, and I brought food so we can do a picnic during the movies. I mean, if- if that sounds good to you."
Steve's eyes are sparkling again as Eddie rambles, and he squeezes their hands in delight. "That sounds perfect, Eds."
By the time Eddie gets home late that night, he's learned two things:
The first is that Steve had already been debating on breaking up with Jake before this whole fiasco, but the thing stopping him was that he actually likes being around Eddie, and he thought wanting to hang out with his ex-boyfriend's roommate would be too weird.
The second thing Eddie's learned is that Steve's smile tastes like dark chocolate and sunshine, and kissing him might just be Eddie's new favorite hobby.
(Eddie does eventually show the video to Steve, just to reassure him that he didn't break them up so Eddie could date him instead. The only comment Steve makes is "She's definitely faking, his dick game isn't that good.")
#i didn't plan on writing over 1k for valentine's#but here we are#steddie#steddie fluff#steddie fic#steve x eddie#steddie au#steve harrington#eddie munson#joey writes
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the master baiter
TG: dont be mad
TG: ok thats like asking water not to be wet but
CG: WATER ISN'T FUCKING WET GOD DAMMIT.
TG: look whatever remember when you said you would die for me
TG: is that karkat in the room with us right now
======
CG: I'M DYING "FOR YOU" EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU PEEL OPEN THOSE SHIT-EATING LIPS YOU KEEP PULLED TAUT OVER YOUR DRONING IGNORANCE SHAFT.
TG: heheheh
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CG: YOUR WORDSLUDGE SPEARS EVERY PARTICLE OF MY BODY WITH PINPOINT STRIDERIAN IDIOCY.
TG: oh shit here we go
CG: A VERBAL BARRAGE THAT PULVERIZES MY FLESH INTO A FINE RED MIST, KILLING ME INSTANTLY. WIPING ME THE FUCK OUT, TO SUCH AN INCREDIBLE DEGREE THAT PALEONTOLOGISTS CAN'T FULLY DISCERN IF A "KARKAT" FUCKING EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
CG: THEY'D BE SCRATCHING THEIR NUGBONES OVER IT FOR FUCKING SWEEPS, IF NOT FOR THE SHOCKING REALIZATION MERE MINUTES INTO THEIR DEBATES THAT NOBODY ACTUALLY GAVE A SHIT.
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CG: AND YET THE TEMPORAL DEVICE STILL SWAYS TO AND FRO IN CONSTERNATION. VEXED BY THE COMPLETE MENTAL VACANCY PUT BEFORE IT BY MY HUMBLE SACRIFICE, BOUND BY ITS COSMIC ROLE, BEGRUDGED BY MY UNSOLICITED DEATH CLOCKING IT INTO OVERTIME. IT HAS BETTER SHIT TO DO, GOD DAMMIT! IT HAS A LUSUS AND A HIVE TO GET BACK TO!
CG: "WHAT IS THIS. WHO LET THIS ASSHOLE IN HERE," IT SAYS. THEY AREN'T EVEN QUESTIONS, JUST ORBITAL SIGHS OF AN UNCARING UNIVERSE. A REALITY NOW KEENLY AWARE OF ITS OWN LAUGH TRACK.
CG: AND ITS PENDULUM TEETERS, TENTATIVE IN ITS OWN DISBELIEF AND PROFOUND APATHY.
TG: damn
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CG: "THIS SCUMBAG ISN'T EVEN GODTIER YET," IT POINTS OUT. THE AUDIENCE FLIPS THEIR COLLECTIVE SHIT, AGHAST AT THIS REVELATION.
TG: hahaha
CG: IT WELLS UP SUCH A THRUM OF FUCKING ENNUI THAT THE TIMEPIECE FLIPS OFF-KILTER, LANDING SQUARELY IN THE "DUMBASS" ZONE WITH A "FUCK IT" LOUD ENOUGH TO REVERBERATE THROUGHOUT PARADOX SPACE.
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CG: IT THEN ELECTS TO KICK MY PATHETIC FUCKING HALF-CORPSE BACK INTO THE LIVING PLANE AND FORCE ME, VENGEFULLY FROM THE AUDACITY OF MY OWN IDIOCY, TO REPEAT THIS CYCLE AD NAUSEAM
CG: UNTIL EXISTENCE ITSELF FINALLY CROAKS UNDER THE COMBINED WEIGHT OF OUR COLOSSAL STUPIDITY.
CG: BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK WOULD I BE IF I EVER GOT TO HAVE A BREAK?
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TG: yep there he is thats him offincer
TG: the man after my own heart
TG: thats a karkat brand "soft yes" if i ever heard one and i know my karkatisms dude im a goddamn graduate in karkatology
TG: i got my degree in this shit
TG: im rocking up to our convos with the dumbass black square hat thing cocked 45 degrees
TG: literally incapable of snapping it back kinda by design of the stupid thing but damn if im not doing it anyways im emanating the snappitudes
TG: im rocking my intelligence right now
TG: also water is absolutely wet dude its like the wettest thing on the planet
CG: I'M NOT REPEATING MYSELF AGAIN
TG: yeah you are
CG: FUCK. I AM.
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CG: I SAID THE LAST THREE TIMES IT'S A CONDITIONAL TERM--
TG: and im saying its common sense like being wet isnt conditional when youre the perpetual thing of wettening
CG: NO
TG: and brother it is THE wet
TG: like following your conditional argument
TG: if water isnt wet then the other water molecules are constantly making each other fuckin wet so its a moot point
TG: great philosophical debate
TG: which came first the water or the wet?
CG: DAVE
TG: think about it all those particles are wetting each other up all the time and shit
TG: its a fucked up display
CG: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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TG: pretty much a perpetual orgy of the elements
CG: DUDE.
TG: that sounds kinda sick actually if you dont think about what it means
TG: h2orgy
CG: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO VETO THIS STUPID DISCUSSION--
TG: tell me im wrong dude
CG: I'M UNIVERSE-APPOINTED TO HOVER AROUND YOU POINTING OUT EVERY DUMBASS TAKE YOU HAVE FOR THE REST OF TIME.
TG: thats so beautiful to me
TG: i could cry
#davekat#dave strider#karkat vantas#homestuck#comix#the master baiter#tabbydraw#this is my answer to artblock#late nite tgcg surprise
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Harvey Dent has the worst road rage you’ve ever seen.
Two-Face, too, but, they just display it in vastly different ways. But if you ask any Robin, they’re both equally amazing and annoying.
“To be fair, I did tell Bruce to invest in better infrastructure.”
“Jay-Jay, I’m gonna ask you politely to shut the fuck up,” Harvey says, and it’s very rude, given that he kidnapped Jason and all. 3/5 stars.
“OH LOOK AT THIS ASSHOLE— “
Jason sips his Bat Burger shake and just enjoys the view. “You’re the one telling a 12 year old to shut the fuck up. Can’t wait to tell B about that, by the way.”
“12 is practically an adult in Crime Alley, kid,” It’s a very discreet shift, but it’s the difference in accents that gives it away.
Bruce always says Harvey sounds like wine and Two Face like whiskey. “10 bucks and you keep the trap shut.”
“Okay!”
When someone honks at them, Two-Face loosens his tie and grabs the brass knuckles from the glove department.
“And Bat Burgers for dinner if you don’t tell Pops about what I’m about to do, okay?”
“Yep yep!”
“Good kid.”
#ANGRY HARVEY <3#harvey dent#two face#jason todd#text#text post#dc comics#Bruce absolutely knows. it happens every ride#batman
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i haye vapes but dont care about smoking because every single person ive ever met or seen who VAPES is the biggest piece of shit to walk the earth
edit; incorrect word
#like genuinely they'll just vape anywhere at any time#they dont care who is around or whats happening#they'll just fucking vape#and then their personality is also assholey#6/20 vapers i met introduced themselves to me as 'the asshole friend that everyone hates'#yep.
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restroom attendant | jason todd
Summary: Tonight is the worst night ever--you just got dumped on your birthday, and all you want to do is cry in the restaurant bathroom in peace. That is, until, the Red Hood bursts in. This city just won't cut you a break.
Pairing: Jason Todd x fem!reader
Word count: 1.7k
Warnings/tags: humor, mild angst, reader's ex-bf cheats and dumps her, jason is such a silly goose, flirting, meet ugly, canon-typical violence, awkward jason, comic relief dick grayson.
A/N: this is probably the silliest fic i've ever written LOL! i hope you guys enjoy it. please support your local jason todd enthusiast and reblog :)
the divider
Tonight sucks.
With a shaky hand, you attempt to soothe your swollen eyes. You’ve probably been in here for about twenty minutes. Your Uber has definitely left, as has your now ex-boyfriend of three years.
Yoga instructor. It’s always the yoga instructor. They’re always fucking the yoga instructor.
You swallow a mouthful of tears and phlegm and try not to let the wet sink touch your dress. All you’d wanted was a little class on your birthday, maybe have some wine and play footsie under the table with your boyfriend. But no. That would’ve been too easy for you.
You’re starting to think this city is cursed.
The door slams open. The force of it shakes the bathroom, rattles the mirrors. You spin around.
A man slides across the floor and smacks his head on the opposite wall. Red Hood appears in the doorway, the eyes of his helmet glowing eerily.
Yep. Definitely cursed.
"Let's try this again," Hood says pleasantly, reloading his gun with a fresh magazine. "And in the interest of making myself transparent: when I ask you a question, Jerry, I expect a truthful answer."
He stalks over to Jerry and heaves him up by the lapels of his suit jacket. Hood's biceps bulge as he holds Jerry against the wall. You squish yourself against the sink. Water soaks the back of your dress.
"You're crazy, I didn't do anything!" Jerry shouts, feet barely scraping the floor.
"Volume, Jerry. People are trying to enjoy their meals.”
“Let go of me, Hood! I wasn’t anywhere near the Iceberg Lounge!”
“Yeah, see, words are coming outta your mouth, but they don't match the fact that I have three people who put you at the scene. How can we remedy this inconsistency? Any ideas?"
Jerry squirms, but he's no match for Hood's strength. Your heart pounds in your chest.
"Don't give me to the cops!" Jerry begs.
"Cops are the least of your worries right now," Hood snarls. "You're damn lucky Nightwing wants to talk to you, Jerry, or your head would hurt a lot more."
Slowly, you reach for your purse, trying to pull out your phone. Instead, you knock it to the floor. Tears gather in your eyes because this night just can’t cut you a break.
“Motherfucker,” you whisper.
Hood turns, those frightening white eyes now on you. Jerry also looks at you, legs still dangling.
“Hey,” Hood says without a sign of struggle. “Shit. Y'alright? Did I swipe ya?”
“No,” you say, voice shaky.
His posture softens. “Okay. I’m not gonna hurt you. Don’t be afraid.”
“I believe you. But, um… you're in the women's bathroom.”
Red Hood gives the room a onceover.
“Huh. So we are. Dunno how that happened.” He shakes Jerry by the collar. “Why’d you run into the women’s bathroom, asshole?”
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Don't kill me!” Jerry wails.
“Shut it, Jesus. I'm not gonna kill you. Not yet, anyway.”
“It's fine, I was just leaving,” you say, bending down to get your purse.
“Hey, no, don't let me push you out,” Hood says. “Sorry. I'll be gone in a couple minutes.”
Hood adjusts his grip so Jerry's face is against the wall, arms and legs restrained. Then he zipties Jerry and sits him down hard on the floor. Hood presses a button on his helmet.
“Yo, N, I'm at Prescott's. Yeah, with Jerry. No, I didn't tell him to run in here, he did that all on his own! Well, I chased him for ten blocks, so I’d prefer if you’d keep your bitching to yourself. Thank you… Okay, we're in the women's bathroom, so—well, I didn't do it on purpose! No, I’m—will you just come here? There’s a side window.” Hood presses the button again with a grunt. “Dickhead.”
“Are you gonna erase my memory?” you ask.
Hood jerks, turning back to you.
“What? Hell no, I'm not gonna erase your memory. I don't do that shit, I promise.”
You slump against the sink. “That's too bad. I would prefer it.”
He looks up from Jerry’s last ziptie and pulls it extra tight. Jerry whimpers.
“How come?” Hood asks.
You shake your head. “It's nothing.”
“Hm. Doesn't look like nothing. If you're in danger—”
“I'm not in danger. I…”
You glance at Hood. You can't see his face, but his body language seems genuine. From what you've heard, Hood isn't known for mincing words or doing things he doesn't want to. And he’s good to Gothamites. Well, the law-abiding ones, anyway. He’s even been endorsed by Batman.
What's the harm in telling him about your disastrous night? Not like you'll see him again. Or Jerry.
“I got dumped,” you say.
“Ah.” Hood nods. “Been there.”
Somehow, the idea of Red Hood getting dumped is weirder than him beating up a guy in the women’s bathroom of Prescott’s.
You sniffle, and wipe your eyes with the back of your hand.
“Yeah, um. It was our three year anniversary today. He took me here, told me he was in love with his yoga instructor, and then left.”
You tear up thinking about it. Hood makes a quiet noise.
“Shit. Well, I haven't been there,” he says. “But I know infidelity. I'm sorry. Dudes are trash.”
“And it's my birthday today,” you blurt, sniffling.
“Happy birthday,” Jerry says, clutching his stomach.
“What a fucking asshole!” Hood snarls, and lets go of Jerry, who crumples like a sack of potatoes. He’s out cold in a second, frozen on the floor.
Your brows rise. “Is he okay?”
“He’s fine. It’s his first time in Gotham.” Hood shrugs. “Anyway, where was I? Right, your asshole ex. Like it's not enough to publicly dump you, and then he goes and does it on your birthday? Who is this guy? I'll go talk to him right now.”
You laugh a loud, snorting laugh. It bounces off the tiles.
Hood tilts his head. “What’d I say?”
You catch your breath and wave your hand.
“No, nothing, I’m sorry. I’ve just had a crappy night and that’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever offered to me.”
“I mean it,” Hood says. “I’ll scare him if you want.”
“As tempting as that is, I don’t want to be an accessory to a crime.”
You also don’t want to put your ex in the ICU, no matter how much he might deserve it. Best to let the universe do its thing.
“You’d be acquitted, don’t worry.” Hood leans against the stall. “I’d never letcha go to jail.”
You smile, your ears growing warm. “You don’t even know me. What if I deserve it?”
“Nah. I got a good sense about people. I can tell you’re sweet. Probably don’t even run through red lights.”
“I try not to,” you say, heat spreading to your face.
“Yeah, a good girl. I figured as much.”
Your eyes widen. Hood coughs and rubs his neck. Even his coughs sound intimidating through the helmet, but that’s negated by his scrunched-up posture.
“Fuck. Sorry. That wasn’t a come-on,” he says. “I mean, it sounded like one, but I’m realizing what a creep I am, flirting with you in a bathroom with a zip-tied criminal. Sorry.” He shakes his head. “I hate myself.”
You grin. “It’s okay. You made my night better, actually. Thanks.”
“That’s a testament to how terrible your night’s been if I made it better.”
You shrug. “Could always be worse. I bet Jerry had an even shittier night than me.”
“You’d win that bet. But I—”
The window swings open with a clunk. Nightwing pops his head in. He looks at Hood, then you.
“Uh,” he says. “Evening. What’s going on?”
“What’s going on is it took you almost ten minutes to get here,” Hood says, back in Vigilante Mode. “Did you get lost?”
Nightwing smiles with all his teeth. “I was actually cleaning up your mess at the Bowery, Hood. You’re welcome.”
He looks at you. “Hi. Sorry about this. I hope we didn’t ruin your night. If there’s anything we can reimburse you for…”
You shake your head. “It’s okay. My night was already sunk. Don’t worry about it. Thanks for keeping Gotham safe.”
Nightwing laughs. “The pleasure is ours.”
“Alright, enough chattering, Dickwing,” Hood says. “Take him.”
He lifts the unconscious Jerry, pushing him up to the window. He does so effortlessly, his jacket riding up to reveal his skin-tight jumpsuit.
You look away before he catches you staring. There’s definitely something wrong with you.
Nightwing takes Jerry and waves at you. Then he disappears.
“So, uh,” Hood says. “I gotta go.”
“Oh! Right, of course. Sorry to keep you.”
“Now what’re you apologizing for?” he asks, and it almost sounds like a tease. You wonder what his smile looks like. What color his eyes are.
“Well, I really didn’t mean to keep you…”
“You didn’t keep me,” Hood says, and you can hear the warmth even through his decoder. “This is probably the best arrest I’ve ever made.”
He starts to climb through the window, then stops. He digs into one of the pockets of his belt and pulls out a scrap of paper.
“This is my number,” he says. “Well, it’s kind of the vigilante hotline. But you can reach me here, in case you ever need help.”
Hood walks over to give it to you. He smells like gunpowder and oranges. He’s even larger this close, the width of his shoulders dwarfing you.
“Thank you,” you say quietly.
He nods and backs up, clapping his hands.
“Right. So I’ll go… Bye.”
Hood looks at you for a moment more. Then he hops up onto the window sill and slides out, somehow graceful despite his bulk. The window closes.
Your dress has dried, which is nice. You walk out of the bathroom. It’s a miracle no one else has come in.
You get your coat and this time, when you see the empty seat across from yours, you don’t burst into tears, which is progress. You call another Uber and go to wait for it at the front. The hostess approaches you.
“Ma’am?” she says, and holds out a small, plastic container. In it is a slice of tiramisu.
“I didn’t order this,” you say.
“It was called in and paid for by a Mr. R.H. He wishes you a happy birthday.”
“Oh. Thank you.”
You’re definitely leaving a five-star review on Yelp.
#jason todd x reader#jason todd x you#jason todd x y/n#jason todd fanfiction#red hood x you#red hood x reader#red hood imagine#batman fanfiction#dc fanfiction#jason todd reader insert
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Steddie
I’m joining the s3 steddie train :D
…
Steve was late. He was so late and so dead. Robin was going to kill him— he’d never make it out of Scoops Ahoy alive.
This was his thought process after dropping Will Lucas and Max off at Mikes. This was also his thought process the entirety of the way to Scoops while he shoved his way through the mall.
The moment he entered the small shop Robins eyes locked on him in a glare. Steve barely gave her a second before he was going to the back room to get ready for his shift.
He heard the back room door open behind him.
“You’re—“
“24 minutes late I know,” he said as calmly as he could while trying to relax his breathing.
“Yeah and—“
“And you get an extra 25 minutes for your break, yes Robin I know!”
Steve finally closed his employee cubby and turned to look at Robin. “Look. Im sorry I was so late today but Will, Lucas and Max are assholes when they’re being petty and they needed a ride to Mikes cause all the others were busy! I’ll take closing shift today to if you’re really that mad.”
Robin stared at him angrily from the doorway. “Fine.” She uncrossed her arms. “And yes, you will be taking the closing shift tonight. I have a study date with a friend that I can’t miss.”
“It’s summer vacation?”
“Shut up!”
Steve shrugged when the door closed.
He closed the door to his employee locker with a little more force than necessary. He had a migraine building and the bright, florescent lights of the mall weren’t helping in the slightest.
He walked out and began his shift.
…
Eddie wanted to enjoy his day off. Preferably by himself. But Gareth and Jeff decided that his personal life was their personal life. So here they were.
He had wanted to spend the day away from the mall, considering that that was where everyone seemed to be nowadays. But the guys were insistent.
So they were walking around. It wasn’t too bad, considering Eddie had gotten himself a new record and tape with his newest paycheck. They were sitting at the fountain when Gareth shouted right in Eddie’s ear:
“HOLY SHIT!”
Eddie just about punched him with how hard he jumped. Jeff spit out his Pepsi all over Eddie.
While Eddie was worrying about getting the sticky drink off of his skin, Gareth continued with; “is that HARRINGTON in Scoops?”
Well. Now he has Eddie’s attention.
Sure enough, just in Eddie’s line of sight, was Steve Harrington in a sailors uniform and a dorky hat.
A dorky hat that was soon snatched up by his current customer, Billy Hargrove.
Jeff clapped him on the shoulder and leaned over him to get a better view. “Is that Hargrove?”
“Yep.” Eddie popped the P.
“It looks like he’s messing with Harrington.”
“Yep.” Another pop on the P.
“And Harrington looks like he’s gonna fucking explode.”
Eddie agreed. Harrington was red in the face and not in the cute blushy-way he usually gets (don’t ask why Eddie knows that). He was talking back to Hargrove, probably something bitchy and sarcastic in typical Harrington-fashion based on the way Hargrove seemed to recoil for a moment before jumping back.
“Should we do something?” Gareth asked skeptically. Jeff shrugged where he was pressed against Eddie’s back.
“I’m going in.” Eddie stood and nearly knocked Jeff down in the process.
“Hang on—“
“Nope! Wish me luck, boys!” Eddie yelled over his shoulder while he dashed over. He heard them both get up and follow him.
…
Steve wanted to cry.
His head hurt so fucking bad and his back was killing him and he had ran into a shelf earlier and had a killer bruise on his arm and leg from it and everything was too fucking much.
Then, in all his asshole and dick glory, in came Billy Hargrove.
At this point, Steve would rather take another plate to the head then have to deal with his annoyingly aggravating voice. Hargrove came in, probably expecting Robin to be there, but got Steve instead. And honestly Steve would rather deal with him then leave Robin with him.
So he’s been enduring it, giving his own comments and comebacks but overall hating his life and just wanting to curl up and die.
Then his savior showed up. In all his black leather and chains, Eddie fucking Munson.
Hallelujah.
Hargrove seemed to back down the moment Munson showed up. Which wasn’t too strange considering that Munson supplied over half of Hawkins’ weed supply. Including Steve’s own for a while. He hasn’t bought in a while cause of the brat brigade.
But not the point.
Hargrove nodded to Munson. “Munson.”
Wow. Real cool, Billy. Steve held back a snicker.
“Heeyyy, Hargrove!” Munson cheerily greeted. But there was something about his smile that was off, to Steve. It seemed tighter than usual, his eyes not crinkling with the motion like normal. Don’t ask why Steve knows this.
Munson’s eyes seemed darker, too. Like he was angry. Maybe Hargrove didn’t pay him? Steve couldn’t bother to care with how bad his head started to pound.
He shouldn’t be at work with this migraine. He knows that. His doctor’s told him this multiple times. But he owes it to Robin for being late so much and he needs to prove to his dad that he can take care of himself.
“So what brings you here, Billy?” Munson asks casually, stepping farther into the shop. Steve seems to finally be forgotten about, and he places his head down on the counter. The cooled surface definitely helps with the spinning room.
He hears Hargrove say something back, but he isn’t paying attention anymore. His eyes are stating to go blurry and he really needs to sit down. But then Munson says something that catches his attention:
“Just leave Harrington alone, man. Last I checked he did nothing to you.”
What the hell? Steve wished he could lift his head and see what Munson was doing. What he looked like when he said that. If he looked as mean as he sounded.
Steve only lifts his head a few moments later when he feels a hand on his back. He shoots up quicker than he intends, and nearly falls back down if not for the hands still holding him up.
“Shit,” he grumbles quietly to himself, whining even quieter at the sudden rush of pain and the black dots in his vision.
“Easy there, your highness.” Munson.
Steve blinks slowly, letting Munson set him down in a booth. He doesn’t remember walking over but he’ll take it. He puts his head back down and intertwines his fingers behind his head. He groans quietly again, the pounding slowly receding.
“Hey man, is there something we could do? Do you need anything?” He heard Munson ask.
We? Steve wants to ask, but finds himself not caring. “Water, and my bag from the back please,” he rasps out. Talking makes the pounding worse.
He hears someone rush off to the back and a moment later a hands on his back again and is helping him sit up.
“Here ya go sweetheart.” Munson slides the glass of water and bag over to him.
Steve silently reaches into his bag and pulls out his small “to-go” med-kit. He carries it around mainly for the kids. Mike tends to be clumsier than he comes off as and Max is always trying out some new skateboarding tricks. From inside the kit he pulls out a pill bottle and swallows 2 with the water and goes for another 2 before a hand stops him.
“I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to take more than 2.” This voice is new but familiar. Steve squints past the blurriness and makes out someone he recognizes from school; Gareth Emerson.
“4,” Steve manages past the lump in his throat. Munson, Emerson, and someone else Steve doesn’t quite know look at him. Munson continues to hold Steve’s hand on the table, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. It weirdly intimate but the comfort is very welcome.
“4 what?” The other guy asks.
“4 pills. I usually take 4.”
Munson and Emerson both wince. The third guy looks at him like he’s insane. Steve finally recognizes him as Jeff,… something. He actually never got his last name.
“Dude— are you trying to overdose!?”
Steve winced at the sudden loudness, whining quietly. Munson shushed Jeff and Steve heard him rush out an apology.
The bell over the door dinged at that moment, and Steve found himself face to face with Max, Mike, Will, Lucas, and— for some reason— Jonathan.
“Uh— hi?” Steve attempted for a greeting.
“‘Hi!?’” Mike yelled. “Hi yourself man! We called your walkie at least 4 times!! What the hell?”
“Are you ok? Why didn’t you answer?” Will asked in a much quieter tone.
Lucas and Max wasted no time before slotting themselves in the booth with Steve. Munson remained across from Steve, and Emerson and Jeff now hovered farther away, but Lucas slid right in next to Munson and Max next to Steve.
“What the fuck, Harrington?” Max demanded. But she clung to his shirt tightly.
“Language, Mayfield,” he reprimanded quietly.
Mike paused where he stood. “Why are you talking so quietly? Shit— do you have a migraine?”
Suddenly 4 pairs of little eyes were gazing at him with unmasked concern. Holy shit was this overwhelming.
“Guys—“
“Why didn’t you say that, Steve?” Lucas asked.
“Are you ok? How long has it been going on for? Asked Will.
“Why are even here if you’re not able to function properly?” Mike reprimanded in his own caring-ness.
Max clutched to him tighter. “Why aren’t you at home? You could’ve called in sick or something!”
“Shhh!” Mike shushed her.
“Don’t shush me—“
“Shut up!” He whisper shouted. “You have to be quiet and try to control your temperature while resting in a dark, quiet room to try and help with migraines. Pain killers help to but no more than 3.”
Everyone stared at him. He went a little pink under the sudden attention.
“Nancy gets migraines a lot from reading in the dark.”
Jonathan came over right then. Steve was suddenly overwhelmed by all the people surrounding him.
“Uhm—“
“Hey,” Munson called. Steve forgot about him for a good moment. “This is cute and all, but maybe we should not surround him? Poor boy looks like he’s gonna cry.”
Everyone turned to look at him. Tears had— in fact— sprung to his eyes.
“Sorry!” All the kids rushed out quietly at the same time. Max climbed out of the booth and Munson and Jonathan both assisted with helping Steve to the break room. Jeff and Emerson stayed with the kids, but Mike came with them since he seemed to know what he was doing better than the 3 of them.
On their way back to the room though, Steve’s legs nearly gave out from under him. Shit. It’s one of those days. Munson just barely managed to catch him under the armpits while Jonathan got him by the waist.
“Woah there, sweetheart.” Munson grunted.
“Careful, Steve,” Jonathan said quietly.
“Sorry. Spinning.” Steve exhaled shakily.
Mike came rushing back after realized they weren’t with him. “Damn. Spinning? Are you able to walk? Or are they gonna have to carry you?”
Jonathan looked up at the mention of having to carry Steve. “Yeah— I’m not able to carry him. I am so not strong enough for that.” He had the decency to look apologetic.
Munson chuckled quietly and the sound reverberated through his chest where Steve’s head was. It was soothing.
“Don’t worry Big Byers. I’ve got him no problem.”
Steve was given no warning before he was being picked up in a bridal carry. He winced sharply and laid his head on Munson’s shoulder. Jonathan whistled lowly from somewhere beside them and Steve blindly kicked his leg in his direction, scoring in kicking him in the arm. Jonathan snickered.
…
When Munson chased off Hargrove he didn’t expect for Harrington to all but collapse in on himself and try to fucking overdose on like 5 pain killers. He also hadn’t expected to be bombarded by 4 kids and 1 Jonathan Byers. Least of all did he expect to be carrying Harrington bridal style to the break room of Scoops Ahoy.
Somewhere behind him, Gareth turned the sign on the door to closed. Eddie silently thanked him.
The kid— who he vaguely remembers as Nancy Wheeler’s younger brother— opens the door and startles a half asleep Robin Buckley.
“Hello,” Jonathan throws her way before pulling a chair out for Eddie to sit on.
“Uh— hi? What the hell—“
Eddie takes the seat with Harrington in his lap. Robin looks dumbfounded.
“Migraine,” Jonathan helpfully supplies.
“Really, really bad migraine. Vertigo included. Full package tonight, folks.” Mike adds.
“Ok— um, is he ok? He doesn’t look ok. If it was so bad why didn’t he just call in sick?”
“That’s a good question,” Mike retorts quietly while rooting around in a freezer.
“What are you looking for”, Robin asks.
“Ice pack. The dumbass has everything in that first aid kit of his except a damn ice pack.”
“Language,” Harrington reprimanded quietly from where his cheek was against Eddie’s chest. Eddie chuckled quietly when Mike retorted with a half-assed “sorry”.
Eddie couldn’t help but admire the now sleeping Harrington in his lap. He bent in half like a shrimp, his knees just about to his chest, and his hands gripping tightly onto Eddie’s still-Pepsi-soaked t-shirt. But he looked so at peace while asleep. Like he hadn’t just had the worst migraine Eddie’s ever seen and wasn’t just about to pass out on his feet. Eddie smiled.
Mike comes over silently, managing to sneak up on Eddie and make him jump slightly and causing Harrington to whine. He’d been whining a lot today. And under “different circumstances” Eddie would’ve found it hot as fuck.
“Sorry,” Mike whispered. He seemed to be able mellow out a lot when he actually tried. He seemed like such an asshole out at the booth but now he seems quieter. These kids really cared about Harrington, huh?
“Here.” Jonathan helped him out and gently picked up Harrington’s head. Eddie caught Harrington actually kind of leaning into his touch. A strange but endearing friendship. Mike placed the ice pack— now wrapped in a cloth— on Eddie’s chest where Harrington’s head lays.
Harrington lays back down and is out like a light soon enough.
Eddie zoned out until there’s a very, very soft knock on the door. When he looks up, Jonathan is letting the other 3 kids in while Jeff and Gareth stand in the doorway.
“Is he ok?” Asks Jonathan’s little brother.
Jonathan nods and pats his head. “He’s ok, Will.”
The redhead walks over and takes a silent seat next to Eddie so she’s next to Harrington. She takes Harrington’s hand in hers and proceeds to just sit there and hold it.
“He’s ok, Max. Just a migraine,” the third kid, Lucas he thinks, reassures with a hand on Max’s shoulder.
“That’s what he said before. And then he was in the hospital.”
Woah, what?
“Hm?” Lucas looks at him.
Oh. He said that aloud.
“Wait what?” Robin asked quietly.
Jonathan’s whistled lowly. It seems to be a bit of a tic for him. “Yeah uh— funny story. Hargrove broke a plate over Steve’s head last year and nobody realized how bad it actually was until he passed out after claiming it was only a migraine.”
“He ended up in the hospital for like 2 weeks,” added Lucas.
“He needed several stitches on the side of his head.” Max unhappily supplied. Lucas squeezed her shoulder.
“It was a stage 4 concussion,” muttered Will and Mike put his head on his shoulder.
Eddie caught Gareth and Jeff’s eyes across the break room. Huh.
The Will kid came up to Eddie suddenly. “Thank you. For uh— helping with Steve. It means a lot to us. He means a lot to us.”
Mike, Max, and Lucas all nodded.
“Hang on,” Lucas piped up. “Who are you?”
…
So uh— set myself up for a part 2 there :’D
Part 2
#stranger things#steve harrington#dustin henderson#mike wheeler#eddie munson#robin buckley#will byers#max mayfield#lucas sinclair#jonathan byers#nancy wheeler#corroded coffin#steve harrington x eddie munson#steddie hcs#steddie fics#steddie#steve harrington whump#steve harrington gets killer migraines#the boy has 3 and counting concussions
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Ah yes, beating my impostor syndrome about my medical issues via the most dangerous brand of validation; an attack
#wasnt on purpose this time#i tried trigging it on purpose multiple times but it never happened and made the impostor syndrome worse#but yep this is real i almost passed out and hit my head in the bathroom#like i could feel how close i got to passing out for the first time ever#like always i dropped everything to make sure that didnt happen so at least im safe about it#fuck off impostor syndrome#hopefully this incident holds it off long enough for me to stand up to my cardiologist#whenever i see that asshole again
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Ultimate Incest Tournament - Semifinals
Propaganda under the cut:
Sam/Dean:
I'm sorry but they have it all. children of metaphorical incest just continuing the cycle in any way they can. they are brothers and mother + son and wives and each other's scorned lovers and life partners they've had multiple infidelity arcs they are sexually psychopathic together they have forsook life and morality and the earth itself for each other and just love each other so much . They are literally in a heaven of their own making together for eternity, incestuously. Come on!!! Blueprint!!!!! It's not gay if he's your brother!!!!!
dean did stuff to sam's dead body in ahbl. i just know it
Messed-up, isolated sibs with all the daddy and abandonment issues. Their lives are so claustrophobic with the brothers no more than five feet apart in the car, a motel room, or standing next to civilians (face it, they are frigging magnets). Can't leave out that they are always touching each other to check for wounds which is a huge PLUS for any shipper.
Sam and Dean ARE literally the blowjob brothers. They walk into a situation and everyone goes well well well if it isn't the blowjob brothers....... And they say. Yep. That's us. And then they fix the situation with their epic love story
THE classic, iconic, show shopping, never done before etc. etc. incest ship. It changed fandom and it changed the world
Dave/Rose:
Daverose blondetwin sweep because they were codependent without ever meeting from growing up seeing each other in their dreams
What does it mean to be an abused teenage boy growing up alone and seeing a girl in your dreams every night who is also your best friend. and when you finally meet her you go on a suicide mission together even though nobody was asking you to die with her. and then you are the only two human beings left in the recognizable universe on a cold meteor surrounded by aliens but you’re glad it’s with her. and when you finally touch the girl from your childhood dreams she looks exactly like you. because she’s your sister
I don't have words for how good these snarky assholes are together. DaveRose is brain chemistry changing. They both put up so many fronts, and engage in so much snarky wordplay, and are constantly trying to get under each other's facade. They play off each other so well, witty and sharp, I need them to be together always
We all die & we all die alone are the two cold truths of the universe but dave and rose broke both simultaneously by ascending to godhood together
Their twincest wins because it is just so confusingly tragic? profound? dave leaving rose behind in a doomed world, dave following her to the bomb. they are both so closed & cut off & curt its hard to imagine the depth of these things. but that is their love language: giving up their lives for each other over and over, in a confusing and fumbling and heartfelt love song. i can’t say i love you but i know we’ll die together anyway. because we’re made of the exact same stuff. i’ll find you again at the last moment. that’s love.
THEY DIED TOGETHER, YOUR HONOR
Confirmed canon by the author, (something happened) between them. Parallels of dying by each other's sides in EVERY timeline. They are THE womb-to-tomb. There is nothing platonic about winking at your brother while talking about crushes, that shit is incestuous. Seer/Knight archetype. They will die protecting each other.
do you realize love someone if you don’t follow them on a suicide mission into the gaping maw of a literal fucking sun after they knock you out and psychoanalyze you in your dreams? the blueprint of the “ethereal androgynous blonde boygirl twins” trope. witch/knight dynamics. they find each other to die together in every timeline no matter what (but they’re still emotionally constipated teenagers who bicker and make fun of each other in pesterchum). kids with grown-up powers. perfect little freaks of nature. what if we looked exactly like each other’s eyes
#tournament polls#tumblr polls#incest poll#wincest#samdean#spn#daverose#dersecest#homestuck#semifinals#tw incest
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Katsuki’s birthday
“Katsuki Bakugo, if your ass isn’t ready in the next 15 minutes, you’re gonna be sleeping at Eijirou’s house the rest of the week cuz you WONT be allowed in this house!” You tell him with pointed look.
“I told you, you shitty woman, that I don’t want to go to some stupid birthday brunch. I want to stay home and I want YOU to cook for me while I do nothing. It’s my fucking birthday.” He shouts back.
“But that’s what we did last year! And the year before that!” You try reasoning with him.
“Yeah it’s called tradition” he says even as he stands up and starts walking over to his closet.
“Well, love muffin, traditions were meant to be broken.” You go up to him and place a kiss on his cheek.
“What the hell ever. I’m not paying for a damn thing and I’m ordering the most expensive thing they have on this stupid menu. Don’t forget your purse.” He grumbles.
You’re dressed in a nice spring dress that’s a flower pattern and all flowy. You look so adorable and then you see Katsuki and hot damn! You forget how good this man looks when he’s not in a black t shirt and joggers. Not that he doesn’t look hot as hell in that but he looks edible right now all dressed up.
“Damn big man, you got a lady. If you do, I bet I’d do stuff with you that she wouldn’t dare.” Your voice oozes cheekiness.
“My girlfriend would put your loser ass to shame! Just last night she did this thing in bed-“
You clamp your hand over his mouth. “Ok ok I get it.” You can feel his smirk against your palm. “You always take stuff to far.”
“I always finish the shit you start.” He moves your hand and wraps his arms around your waist. “I like this dress by the way. The only thing getting me through this brunch is gonna be knowing I get to take it off later.”
He bends down and presses his lips to you.
You have to pull yourself away and grab his hand to pull him behind you. “Let’s go before we are late”
“You don’t think those shitty ass friends of yours are gonna be late too? I’ve never seen them be on time for a goddamn thing”
When you guys get to the car, you walk to the passenger side and open the door for him.
“My king” and you do a little bow.
“You’re so fucking insufferable”
The smile on your face doesn’t disappear as you climb into the drivers seat.
“Where is this place anyway?” He questions as your pull off.
“On the outskirts of town. It’s a place Eiji found a while ago. He said it’s 10/10”
“Oh fuck, are we really listening to recommendations from that red head idiot?? He would eat toast smeared with dirt if you covered it in protein powder.”
“ ‘Suki he’s not that bad.”
“Tch”
Eventually you pull up the place and you can see Katsuki looking at you like you’ve lost your mind.
“Did you dumb ass get lost? This is not a restaurant.”
“Surprise!!! It’s an adventure park! They have paintball, laser tag and zip lines and stuff. They also serve food but it’s like snack type things but I though that’d hold us over til we get home so I can cook.”
You are wearing the biggest grin and your excitement it’s practically bouncing off of you.
“Oh and I brought clothes for you to change in to. I didn’t wanna ruin the surprise by telling you to dress casual….. do you like it??” You ask him.
“You’re proud of yourself aren’t you?”
“Very”
“I…. Fucking love it. Are those tools still coming cuz I’ve got ass to kick.”
You bound over the seat and hug him. “Yep they are probably already inside. I told Mina to get here early to check us in.”
He slides his hand over your face and gives you a small smile before you places a kiss on your forehead.
“You did real good baby. Thank you”
“You’re welcome hot stuff. Not let’s get in there and give those guys a taste of Pro Hero Dynamight!”
“Hell yeah!”
This asshole won every game you guys played except for laser tag and thats only cuz you guys cheated! But he deserved it, he was getting too cocky for his own good.
BUT by the end of the night, he had you feeling like the real winner🤭
Katsuki Bakugo Masterlist
Tags: @dreamcastgirl99 @xxvendettaxx @sukunas-bratt @moonpieshawdy @theloveofnagiseishiroslife @mintsbubbletea @darkstarlight82 @anon-mouse223 @b134ch-m4h-ey3z @i-literally-cant-with-this @flowerbedbaby @kit-katsukii @blaize-hewwo @sweetblueworm @tippy-toes @superlegend216 @kxtsxkii @liliththeunqualifiedsimp @burgvndy @fluffismystaplefood @yoyolovesdaiki @zaiban2989
#imagine#bakugou x reader#bakugou katsuki#mha fanfiction#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugou drabble#katsuki bakugo mha#drabble#bakugo headcanons#fluff#bnha katsuki#bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugo#katsukibakugou#katsuki bakugou#katsuki#kacchan bakugou#bakugo#bakugou
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(ID in alt) you picked the wrong bitch for this one bc a) we've never interacted before nor do you follow me so ?????, b) the post about your dog has no info about why you need the money other than a diagnosis, and c) i have less than 200 followers, whomst the fuck am i boosting this to? fuck outta here.
#i work in a vet clinic. my sense of empathy about random sick animals has been eroded to nothing over the course of five years.#show me an estimate - be a personal friend - or gtfo.#this is harsh but idc. who the fuck do you think you are.#captioned#in alt text#*#i tagsearched the username and yep they're a scammer xoxo get fucked asshole#uh i should clarify i give a shit about the animals we see at my clinic. but if you're asking me for money i better see a damn good story.#and an estimate.
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