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krakenartificer · 3 years

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When I got my ADHD diagnosis, I looked at the questions on the screening form and thought, "If this result comes back positive, then I'm definitely not the only person in my family who has it." Questions like

"Have difficulty finishing one activity before starting another one" and

"I finish others' sentences before they can finish it themselves" and

"have trouble staying on one topic when talking"

...I thought were just weird quirks of my family, but no. When I got my results, I contacted my cousin, and she contacted her sisters and mother, and .. .. yeah. Basically everyone in my dad's side of the family is ADHD.

Now there are some problems with that, obviously, (getting family reunions to stick to a schedule is lol no) but there are some really fantastic perks. For one thing, no one in that family minds if I interrupt them while they're talking ... everyone's happy to keep 3 conversations going at the same time .... and no one minds if you fidget constantly.

But the best perk -- at least that I've found so far -- is that all of our parents have coping mechanisms, and passed them on to us. When I found myself unable to handle tasks with more than one step, my father didn't say "WTF are you talking about? It's easy! Just do the thing! Stop being lazy!" No, he could relate completely, and he sat down and taught me how to handle that.

So today, I'm going to pass on to you the coping mechanism my dad taught me for handling the "cannot put tasks in order / cannot get started / forget what I'm doing" problem. You'll need to adjust it for your own needs and your own struggles, but hopefully it'll be helpful in setting up your own process.

I'm going to walk through it with a big project I'm doing at work, just to have a concrete example. That will make some of the discussion specific to computer programming and technical writing, but I do the same thing for all my projects, so hopefully it'll be generalizable.

So to set the stage:

I was supposed to modify this piece of code -- we'll call it "Rosetta" -- to make it handle call data as well as what it was already doing. I did that.... but we now need the code to be able to handle calls (if that's wanted) but also to be able to handle NOT having calls (if THAT'S wanted).

Which is just .... ugh. So much. SOOOOOOOO much.

So. Break it down.

Step one is to get some recording mechanism - pen and paper, whiteboard, blank computer document, whatever

(Technically, this is a different coping strategy, so we'll just take a quick detour: WRITE THINGS DOWN. Your brain is shit at remembering things, and anyway you've already got limits on your working memory; why would you choose to tie up some of that limited resource in something that could be accomplished with literal stone-age technology? Don't even try to remember things. WRITE THEM DOWN.)

I like sticky notes: they're readily available in all offices, they're pretty cheap, and (most importantly) they can be rearranged if it turns out that I forgot a step or put the steps in the wrong order (which, like, let's be honest, I am definitely going to do). But they kill trees and create unnecessary methane emissions, so I've recently switched over to using virtual sticky notes. That's the format I'm going to use for this example, but you can use anything that meets your purposes.

So, you've got something to write with, you're ready to start.

The first question is: what are you trying to accomplish here? What would "done" look like? What is our goal?

I need to end up with a version of Rosetta that will make the correct results if you don't want calls, and will also make the correct results if you do.

The goal here is that you end up with a statement that you can definitively say (a) Yes this is what I wanted or (b)No this is not right because _______

In this case, in order to do that, I'll need to define "correct results" for both call- and non-call versions. But if I have that nailed down, then this statement meets that criterion: I'll be able to say "Yes, this is what I wanted: see, it makes the correct result for calls, and it makes the correct result for not-calls". Or else I'll be able to say, "No, this is wrong: see, it makes the correct result for calls, but on not-calls it does X and we wanted Y."

I have a clear, definitive standard about what I need to do and whether or not I've done it.

But there was a prerequisite there: I need to define "correct results".

So that goes on a sticky note: Create test that will compare my results to existing call!Rosetta-results and to existing not-call!Rosetta-results.

[ID: Two blue boxes, one on top of the other. The top one says in white text "Create test to compare my results to call!results" The bottom one says "Create test to compare my results to not-call!results"] OK. So now we know what we want. The second question is: what do we need to do in order to get that? Here's where the sticky-note recording system really shines, because you don't have to answer this question sequentially. You just start writing down every single thing that is not the way you want it to end up.

I need it to remove commas in the python script, not the bash script

I need to delete the first part of the get_runs() function, which doesn't do anything

I need to delete the rest of the parameters passed to build_query_script() function, because runs encompasses all the others

while we're on that subject, runs doesn't even need the group_variable, so let's pull that out of the parameter document

we also have a dmf defined, which the bash script demands but doesn't use; let's change that demand

since we're changing the structure of the parameter document, we don't need to pull new metrics for each run, so let's move that outside of the runs() loop and only run once

right now the parameter document is ALMOST but not quite "one row per template". Make it so it's actually one row per template.

among other things, that's going to require making it possible for a template to be followed by nothing at all, since it's the assumption that a template will have a metrics block after it that makes it not quite one row per template. So make it possible to publish a template with a null block

the other thing that's weirdly hard-coded is the definition of what a block looks like. Would it make more sense to separate that out into an input file, like the parameters document? On the one hand, that would make it much more flexible; on the other hand, that's another piece that can break. Don't know. Put a question mark on it.

etc

Here's what it looks like at the end of this step:

[ID: A black and white background showing many boxes in two different shades of blue, all with white text. Some of the boxes are overlapping each other.]

As you can see, at this phase you don't need to worry about any of the following:

ordering the tasks. Just stick 'em right on top of each other for now

how you're going to do any of this. Right now we just need to know what, not how

sticking to only one project. As I was working on this, it occurred to me that this whole process would have been a heck of a lot easier if someone had just made a user manual for this, and since I have to go through all the code line-by-line anyway, I might as well write up the documentation while I'm at it. (To help out future-me, if nothing else.) So I put those tasks on another color of sticky note.

making notes that make any ***ing sense to anyone else. This process is for you, and only you need to understand what you're talking about it. Phrase it in ways that make sense to your brain, and to hell with anyone else.

on that topic, also don't worry about making steps that are "too small" or "too dumb" to write down. This is for you. If "save document" feels like a step to you, then write it down.

You also don't need to get every single step involved in the project right now. Get as many as you can, to be sure, but the process is designed on the assumption that you ARE going to forget important steps, and is designed to handle that.

When you can't think of any more steps, then the third question is: what order does it make sense to do these in? Are there any steps that would be easier if you did another step first? Are there any that literally cannot be done unless another step is complete?

This is also a good place to group steps if they fit together nicely. When I used physical sticky notes, I used two different sizes; digitally I can of course make them whatever size I want.

So I have several documentation steps that (a) do need to be written to make sense to other people and (b) I really need to know what's going on before I can do that. I could write them now, but if I did, I'd just end up re-writing them based on things that change as I'm coding. So we'll move those to the end:

[ID: Three dark blue boxes with white text. They read "Create step-by-step instructions for creating your own metric agg", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a metric", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a query."]

These parts, though -- if I had all the variable structures written down, I could look at them while I'm coding. Then I won't have to keep scrolling back and forth in the code, trying to remember if it's an array or a dictionary while also trying to remember what part of the code I was working on. Brilliant. Move that to the front.

[ID: Seven dark blue boxes with white text, three large, four small. The first one is large and says "Write up explanation of how Rosetta works." The second one is large and says "Document structure of all variables." Attached to that one are four smaller boxes that say "All_blocks", "Runs", "metric", "New_block". The third large one says "Document what qb_parameters.csv contains"]

Also, while I'm at it, I should get the list of variables I need to document -- then I won't have to keep scrolling to find them. Make those sub-steps.

I definitely keep needing to look up what's in the parameters document, so I should write that down, too. For the user manual I also should write down what's in the metric document, but I don't need that for myself, so I can send that to the end.

[ID: The same three dark blue boxes from two screenshots ago (create step-by-step instructions for metric agg, modifying a metric, and modifying a query), now with another dark blue box in front of them with white text that says "Document what granular_metrics.tsv contains."]

These five are all small steps, and are all related in that they don't actually (hopefully) change the functionality of the code; they're just stuff left over from prior versions of this code. So we can lump them all together.

[ID: Five light blue boxes with white text that say "Delete first part of get_runs()", "Have build_query_script only receive the "run" parameter" "Delete dmf" "Move metrics=get_metrics() outside build_all_blocks (all the way up to the top level?" "Delete group_variable from qp_parameters"]

My brain likes this better, so that I can keep track of fewer "main steps", but that's just a peculiarity of me -- you should lump and split however you prefer to make this process easier for you.

[ID: The same five boxes from the prior screenshot, now all made smaller and attached to a larger box that says "Remove Legacy Code"]

Keep going, step by step, sticky by sticky, until you've got them in order. If -- while you're doing this -- you remember another thing you need to do, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile; you don't have to stop what you're doing to deal with it, because it's written down and it's on the pile and it will get processed; you can just keep working on the thing you're on right now.

[ID: All the same boxes from the first screenshot, now in a neat row. Some of the original boxes have been grouped together. The ones that were said to be at the beginning of the process are on the left and the ones that were said to be at the end are on the right.]

Step four: for the love of all that's holy, SAVE THIS LIST.

Write it on your cubicle whiteboard where it won't be erased

write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the office wall

send an email to yourself

take a picture with your phone

I don't care but save it.

When I used physical sticky notes, I kept them all on the hood of my cubicle's shelf. Now, as you can see, I use Powerpoint, which is irritating af but does allow me to keep everything in a single document, which I can write down the path of.

[ID: White text on a black background says "open ~/Documents/Rosetta\ Modifications\ and \Documentation.pptx" The next line says "Notes in Rocketbook pg 10-12, 16" The next line says "Turn that into documentation that can be used for making modifications."]

And now (finally) you can answer the question "How would I even get started on that?" You look at the first thing on the list, and you treat it as its own project. You can hyperfocus on this step and completely forget about everything else this project requires, because everything you need to remember for the rest of it is written down.

If, as you're working a step, you think of something else you need to do for the big project, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile. Don't even worry about trying to order it or identify sub-steps; as long as it's not blocking the thing you need to work on right now, you don't have to care. Just stick that bugger anywhere at all on the list, and go back to what you were doing. When you un-hyperfocus and come back to look at your list, there'll be a big sticky note stuck sideways across all the rest of the steps, and you'll remember to file and order it then.

Other benefits of this system

1) The first question really helps with unclear directions from your boss. You can take whatever they told you to do, and translate it into a requirement that is clearly either met or not-met, and then run it back by the boss.

If they say, "No, no, we want ______" then phew! You just saved a huge miscommunication and weeks of wasted work! What a good employee you are! What an excellent team player with strong communication skills!

If they say "Yes, that's what I want," then you know -- for sure -- what it is you're trying to accomplish. Your anxiety is reduced, and your boss thinks you're super-conscientious.

(And if your boss is a jerk who likes to move the goalposts and blame it on their subordinates, then have this conversation over email, so you can show it to their boss or to HR should it become necessary.)

2) Having this project map means that when you spend an hour staring at the requirements and trying to figure out how to get started (which, let's be honest, you were definitely going to do anyway) ... When your boss/coworker comes by and says, "How's it going?" Instead of having to say "I haven't even started 😞" You can say, "Pretty well! I've got all the steps mapped out and am getting ready to start on implementation!" and show them your list, and they think you're very organized and meticulous. 3) Sometimes, especially in corporate jobs, you and your coworkers will run into a problem that's too big for even Neurotypicals to hold all in their heads. At that point, the NTs will be completely lost -- they've never had to develop a way to handle projects they can't just look at and know how to get started. So then you pipe up in the meeting and say, "OK, well, what exactly are we trying to accomplish?" and everybody at the conference table looks at you like you're a goddamned genius and you don't have to tell them that you use this exact same process to remember how to make a sandwich 😅

4) Having this project map makes it so much easier to stop work and then start it up again later, but this post is already really really really long, so I'm going to address that in a separate (really really long) post.

#adhd #adhd life #tips #semi-solicited advice #gpoy #your mileage may vary #long post #very long post #sorry I wish I wrote more concisely too

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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Thoughts on “Auntie Soka and Little Leia” now that I’ve actually got it posted:

Call it a director’s cut! The process of actually writing the thing, and also jokes made along the way. Link to the actual fic.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy for image descriptions, even the text screenshots. Might come back that later. Most of this was DMs with @atagotiak.

This was an entire thing before I even started writing:

Before I decided on ages and stuff Ahsoka, to Jango, who has had zero contact with Kaminoans: Okay I know I'm a Jedi kid so you hate me but this toddler is your clone from the future. Jango, tired: What the FUCK are you talking about. Rex, barely able to talk: Don't you dare leave me with him, Commander! Ahsoka: I'm not going to leave you I just--I'm so tired I'm so fucking tired I haven't slept in five days and someone tried to kidnap Leia two days ago I am so fucking tired I need help

Ben: [twenty years of depression followed by a 'now I'm safe' breakdown over the course of weeks] Sokari: [whatever the FUCK this mess is]

When Ahsoka mentions there only being three other Jedi at the time of her death, I was thinking Kanan, Yoda, and Obi-Wan (Leia told her about the latter two living past her). She's not counting anyone that received training after the Temple fell, and she didn’t know about Cal.

When Leia says “I was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.”

Depa: I'm no therapist but I diagnose you with "incredibly fucked up." Ahsoka: yeah, that’s fair

"Why did you pick Depa for--" She's pretty and I'm gay. Also because of the Kanan thing But mostly I'm gay "It's not a visual medi--" GAY

Empty of context beyond general post-fic AU: "Hey Sokari, we need to engage in psychological warfare against this individual and--" "I'm going to break into his office and leave a threatening note on his desk and leave no other sign that I was there. He'll see that his security is nothing and the only reason he isn't dead is because I'm too nice to kill him." "...okay, not what we were planning, but that works. Why is that your first choice?" "I really like breaking and entering, it's soothing." Ben just standing there with a bland smile like This Is Normal.

"We need someone to infiltrate a highly guarded facility in hostile territory." "So we're sending the Torrent kids?" [sigh] "We're sending the Torrent kids."

Rex and Sokari insist on both going by "Torrent" even though Rex could be a Fett. Jango really wants him to be a Fett. Rex has too many grudges to agree to being a Fett for... a while.

I really hope it's blatantly obvious that Ahsoka's not a reliable narrator for some things Ahsoka: Fett could care less if I died Jango: jfc even if you are older than me I can see you're fucked up. Drink your hot chocolate. Hells. She's got good reason to expect him to hate her as a Jedi! BUT. THAT IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF REALITY

We don’t get a lot of actual characterization for Jango, but the way I played him out here is he has never really parsed that Jedi are people before all this. It's a lot harder to treat them as a monolith when the traumatized former child soldier is having regular breakdowns in your shitty little kitchen

Fett: I respect you Ahsoka: No, don't do that

Ahsoka’s vigilantism is something that, in my mind, she's associating heavily with Zygerria and then the clones.

I figured that she never bothered to learn Quinlan’s teacher’s name but in the process of looking up some basic facts (whether he had a surname), I found that Wookiepedia was forced to give us a VERY wide range of possible death in Legends.

Please take a moment to imagine Quinlan's FACE when Ahsoka initially dismisses him. Quinlan has put a lot of effort into being rogueishly charming! It's very useful for his line of work! He knows to expect either irritation or a return flirtation when he acts like this with people his own age! Ahsoka is not flustered OR rolling her eyes and insulting him, she's just ignoring him and it's a bit of a blow to the ego

This just makes me really happy:

This was the initial comment I made, as a joke What if Maul is just. There. On one of the planets they make a pitstop at. What if Maul exists as the walking problem he is, but fifteen, and Ahsoka immediately tries to kick his ass and drag him back to Coruscant. I do not have room for this plot but What If

Despite not having room for this plot, I proceeded to write this plot.

Maul is kidnapped and it’s the best thing that ever happened to him HE'S FIFTEEN HE'S DUMB AS SHIT AND HAS A BAD ATTITUDE AND YEAH HE'S A DARKSIDER BUT HE'S FIFTEEN

Ahsoka: I sense... Maul [takes off sprinting] Rex: [immediately takes Jango's blaster and runs after her] Jango: Wait who Tholme: Who Quinlan: Who Jango: [looks at Leia] Leia: I don't know who that is either! Ahsoka, already wrestling a teenager to the ground: Oh no, you're a child, REX STUN HIM AND GRAB THE CUFFS, I'M SURE FETT OR THOLME HAS SOME

Fighting him isn't even legal, they have NO evidence of criminal wrongdoing, so first she needs to yell until he admits to something she can fight him about

Ahsoka: When I see Maul, it's on SIGHT Maul: WHO ARE YOU

Ahsoka: The Force didn't give me hands just to NOT throw them when I run into That Crafty Son Of A Bitch

Ben, when they arrive, after the tearful reunion: You... you brought Maul. Ahsoka: Well, yeah, he's fifteen and kinda dumb. I figured we could drag him here and force him into therapy, see what happens. Ben: I can't quite tell through the gag, but I think he's threatening to feed you your own spleen. Ahsoka: Lol, yeah.

Ben is absolutely on team "get Maul therapy" and will fight the Council on rehabilitating the baby Sith But also it's like. Here's your daughter! And your niece! And your daughter's QPP! Also your best friend, but baby, and his teacher, and the biological origin of a number of people you cared for deeply! AND ALSO THE GUY WHO SPENT LITERAL DECADES CRAVING YOUR DEATH, FOR SOME REASON

I just really want Ahsoka lovingly bullying Maul She gives him noogies and the horns don't protect him because girl has reinforced gloves

Maul's only allowed a low-power training saber and his fights with Sokari involve Much Taunting by her and Eventual Screaming by him, and everyone pops by to see: 1. Sokari doing the most absurd flips, for fun. 2. The bullshit that is ataru-shien reverse-grip jar'kai in the hands of someone who makes it work 3. What a Sith lightsaber form looks like 4. Just the general nonsense that is the way these two fight

Tia said “Wrt ridiculous flips. I'm remembering that time she beheaded four Kryst'ad at once.” and I just Rex brings up the quadruple beheading at one point to get someone to stop asking questions and the awkward, horrified silence almost makes him regret it. And then Sokari just snorts and makes a joke about how Rex once speared a slaver point-blank and everyone's just like hello??? "are you two okay" "no"

Maul absolutely starts crushing on Sokari after a 'sword under chin' moment and she's just very "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you're fifteen, bye" GO MAKE PUPPY EYES AT OBI-WAN OR SOMETHING

The crushes are the worst part of everything, really, she's an attractive young woman that can kick a lot of ass, and a lot of people are into that! Unfortunately, most of those people are a decade younger than she is, mentally, because all the people her actual age look at her and see a child on account of the 17yo body.

It’s almost a good thing she’s in no place mentally for a relationship.

I just want Ahsoka to wear beskar.... I think that would be Nice........

This AU is also what caused this post.

I'm deeply enamored by the idea that Ahsoka can win fights against "older" padawans pretty much unilaterally, even when they team up 2v1 And then she offers to fight 5v1 "But only if I have permission to fight dirty." Ben approves it, a horror show full of "I fought many wars and will scream in your face or kick you in the balls if that's what it takes" follows She wins. There are no permanent injuries, but her reputation certainly gets weirder. Nobody under the rank of Knight agrees to let her fight dirty again. She just lets that stand because, well, she's not actually a padawan, she's thirty-three.

I’m not going to write this but my brain was EVIL and suggested it:

IT WOULD BE REALLY SAD IDK maybe 9yo Anakin has nightmares about what's happening to baby Ahsoka because bullshit about time-traveling force bonds IDK ANYWAY he cries to Sokari about the nightmares and she's like "oh shit" and it's time to go rescue herself from motherfucker unlimited

It's either that or she's like, expecting to welcome mini-me aaaany day now, for like, several months, before she realizes Something Went Wrong. Anakin’s dreams could even start right as she’s starting to realize something’s off.

Obi-Wan has never had a padawan that doesn't at some point bite Even Luke will, when pushed

OH also once the twins get Baby's First Lightsaber (training sabers, not real kyber), Sokari begs to borrow them for a dumb joke and tells Rex to get on her shoulders for a "Grievous Greeting" and they do The Thing

Jango and Ahsoka wrt Quinlan is just “Do I need to beat him up for you” “You realize I’ve beaten up sith lords before?”

JANGO'S TRYING He's just. "Can we be friends? Can I--can I be the guy that just noticeably gets in the way of a creep on the subway so you can be more comfortable without someone making a scene? I'm fucking trying here, give me a hint."

We didn’t actually figure out Jango’s age until this point. The only reason Fett's age matters is for Quinlan making a Wild Oats quip after Jango says he didn't know about Rex until a few weeks ago, and Fett going "How old do you think I am? And how old do you think the kid is?" and Quinlan getting Very Awkward as he does the math. Rex overhears and lets Quinlan sweat for a bit before saying "I'm a genetically-modified clone someone grew in a tube, he didn't know or have reason to know until he saw me with Sokari." Which is like. Eight additional layers of WTF, obviously, but at least Jango gets to avoid awkward wild oats jokes

Like, you’d expect the rebuttal to be ‘he’s my brother just with a biiig age gap’ or ‘he’s my nephew’

I find it very unfortunate for Quinlan that I've decided his defining characteristic in this context is going to be repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth

He’s trying so hard but "That sounds like a cool thing, maybe I'll ask ab--and it's another fucking trauma."

I'm doing Ahsoka&Jango t w i c e (there’s another fic where I’m doing it)

It’s just a fun dynamic! So much resentful respect.

Like she's twenty seconds away from calling him a bitch at any given time and he's just there like "I don't like you but I do see you move like you're about to tell an entire building to get on their knees with their hands in the air and I can respect that" Also she's probably much less judgmental about using blasters than Obi-Wan is The Maul subplot actually started with me daydreaming about Ahsoka grabbing a blaster for Reasons

I like the idea of Jango just deciding the most Useful thing he can do is help teach the Smol how to fight. He's AWKWARD around Rex and Soka because he doesn't know if there's anything he CAN teach them.

I didn’t actually plan for Tholme to figure out the age thing, he just SAID it and I had to sit there like Wait.

Ahsoka, Rex & Leia: ahhh, children Tholme: you say that like you aren’t children

I liked getting to write Rex's little "I have worked with all of them, and they're all Terrible" He loves them But They once got stranded on a planet that didn’t exist and Ahsoka died and Anakin killed a god.

There was research and discussion as to whether Ahsoka could win against Tholme but seeing as she held her own against Vader, and fought Grievous at that physical age without dying, etc.... yeah, the only thing holding her back was her body not being what she was used to, and she’s had a few weeks go adjust.

“I miss being able to just jump off skyscrapers” is such a jedi thing

Jango: I'll take the gun back if he tries to leave, they can't get far before--WHAT THE FUCK He knows Jedi are scary but he’s still not really used to just how over the top ridiculous they are He knows how to deal with Jedi in battle, not Whatever The Fuck These People Are Doing

Rex isn't even a Jedi, he's just so used to working with them. “Oh yes time for free-falling without a parachute again, same shit as always.”

Tia: I’m imagining Jango freaking out and Quinlan and Tholme being like. Concerned but mostly exasperated Clearly if they’re jumping off buildings it must be serious? But jfc they could’ve maybe communicated a bit more?

Leia: I want to finish my juice Tholme: Quin, stay with her while we go figure out what those two are doing. Quinlan: Wait what

Jango: Oh now he’s jumping off a building too??? Tholme: Sokari, you are not registered! You can't legally jump out windows yet! Jango: What the hell is going on? Is this normal?

We don’t necessarily know how often Ahsoka and Maul ran into each other after Mandalore. There was the later thing on Malachor, but other than that I'm just going with the idea that they ran into each other every year or two and just went for the eyes like feral cats

Ahsoka: I need to kick ass and you're coming with me. Rex: Yeah, okay. [several minutes later] Rex: Whose ass are we kicking?

Ahsoka and Rex

Neloms aren’t a SW fruit to the best of my knowledge, I just wanted to mess around with lemons/melons

Jango: you didn’t think any of this through, did you? Rex: you were there, you know we didn’t "When the Jedi says to jump out a window, I jump out a window."

Tholme’s real composed about stalking the ancient nigh-mythical enemy of his people, very “Life is already so goddamn weird”

This fic has been so heavy on the trauma but then I introduce Maul and suddenly it's the worst kind of comedy Nobody is competent, everyone's a little dumb, the bad guy is just grocery shopping

My propensity for banter has turned this into a six-person buddy cop comedy about Maul buying grapes They spend a significant amount to time ineffectually stalking Maul before Quin suggests the sensible option Quinlan just "You remember this is my literal job and specialty right"

Ahsoka sees Maul and all her brain cells go out the window except "Fight good" Usually she doesn’t need to worry about doing things legally. Maybe she needs to worry about someone seeing her do illegal things but she spent the past 15 yrs in a place where her existing was illegal

I feel like he’s also maybe kinda wanting to reassert that yes he is competent. Bc like. Ahsoka’s been kinda condescending this whole time and also can beat everyone up so. It's not his fault that he's actually the youngest person there, but.

Jango is finding this whole being friendly to Jedi thing a lot more overwhelming than he thought it would be. And overwhelming in different ways.

Maul usually signifies things getting worse and more horrifyingly tragic but he's just a dumb teen that they needed to arrest for his own good.

Quinlan: Look, I'm useful! Ahsoka: I've been through hell, wanna hear? Quinlan: NO. I DON'T. WHY.

Quinlan: I understand the concept of joking about your traumas, I do it sometimes myself! But sith hells that’s a lot of trauma.

Quinlan just wanted her to treat him as a Competent Individual, and here she is whipping out stories about Dying and Gods and the Force insists it's the truth and he just???? And apparently emo darksider over there is a Sith. And just, sure. Why not

A lot of people’s interactions with the time travelling disaster lineage is just

Tholme and Fett arguing and Ahsoka's just waiting for a moment to pop in with "Hey, when's the last time either of you worked with the other's culture before this mess? Yeah, that's what I thought."

Much like Leia and Ahsoka hurting each other earlier, and Tholme figuring out the de-aging, we ALSO have Fett’s confrontation with Ahsoka being something the characters just did, rather than something I planned.

FTR the only time I managed to trigger myself while writing this fic was the “your behavior isn’t actually acceptable and we’ve all been trying really hard to give you room to recover but you have to at least make an effort to not be a bitch”

Writing about people having PTSD and symptoms of such: Yay! Writing about people having PTSD and engaging in toxic behavior to cope: Shit Ahsoka had... basically my exact reaction. It's "remind yourself that you're in the wrong, that they have a point, and then be overly formal in the apology because fuck if you accidentally make them feel sorry for you when they're the injured party"

Quinlan: Can we be friends? I mean, you're an asshole, but you're really cool. Let's be friends. (He MIGHT be nursing a crush) (Neat mysterious girl who can beat him up.)

Also he realises she's probably nicer when not having a slow-motion breakdown He's like "Huh, you'll probably be less of an asshole once you've gotten therapy."

...also, she pretty and got Nice Biceps

I love writing a good mental breakdown

I was so close to including a "he tried to kill me" just early enough for Jango to wildly misinterpret as her thinking Quinlan tried to kill her. He'd have been very confused, considering Quinlan's the one that called them down in a panic and currently has Ahsoka having her massive breakdown in his lap But

Tia: I could see Jango interpreting it as idk, Quin resembling someone or for a moment acting like someone who tried to kill her and she had a flashback or something like that

There's absolutely room for a couple reasonable interpretations there And "trapped in a flashback about someone who tried to kill her" is absolutely what's happening! Just. You know. For a different reason. Jango probably wouldn’t assume Quin would hurt her, for one thing he seems to like her, for another even if he did he’s smart enough to pick a way that wouldn’t be so likely to get him caught

I had to step back and actually say “Also I'm just. Wow. I'm really just shoveling QPP Rex&Ahsoka at full speed”

Me, a few weeks ago, joking: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist Me, now, entirely seriously: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist

Me, belatedly: Oh, Ahsoka being joyfully mean to people was a form of mania she was unconsciously using to build a barrier between herself and her impending meltdown

She went from "just died" to "in charge of Rex and Leia" in like. Two minutes.

Confession: I've been delighting in the mental image of this whole Mess leading Jango to try to retake Mandalore, and Ahsoka loans him a saber for a 1v1 to get the darksaber.

“Can’t I just fight him barehanded? That’s how I did it on Galidraan.” "But the drama, Fett!"

Probably Rex has learned how to use a saber as well, because you never know when you have to borrow a weapon

I later changed my mind to Jango asking her to help, rather than her just sneak-teaching him, but it was funny.

Background nonsense to all this is Ahsoka and Rex, despite Rex being as force-sensitive as a lump of coal, having developed a process where she can extend her sensitivity to him mind-to-mind for weird symbiotic battle trance that scares everyone around them. It’s very similar to Battle meditation.

CONTEXT FOR LEIA BEING WORRIED ABOUT THOLME HIDING THINGS: Tholme is hiding the fact that the Council reached out and told him that the people he picked up might be connected to Ben and Luke, who showed up after the Depa thing but a solid week and change before Jango's ship makes it to the Temple. They asked that he not share that information to avoid getting anyone's hopes up in case the two situations aren't related. Ben and Luke haven't shared enough information for anyone to really be sure if the other three are connected Because the info Tholme has isn't quite the info Jango has, etc. And they can't just say Ben is a future Obi-Wan over comms

I just have a lot of feelings about people trying to do something right and just. Nobody's at fault! Not really! It's just complicated!

Tia: I like how when Ahsoka isn’t doing maladaptive trauma response stuff she’s very mature. And of course she’s had to be but it’s a good like, contrast. Where when she slows down to think about things she’s very sensible

Jango just spends most of this story lowkey wanting Ahsoka to Be His Friend but there's too much baggage that he's only metaphysically responsible for

Local aroace(?) has a squish

Ahsoka: He just wants to get on my good side because of Rex. Jango: I'm pretty sure you could kill an entire army without trying but you wouldn't because you have actual morals and stuff... and when I met you it was because you were killing yourself trying to keep (what appeared to be) children safe... you seem cool please be my friend.......

Ahsoka’s #1 weakness: mountains of trauma Ahsoka’s #2 weakness: she just doesn’t get why so many people think she’s cool and want her to be their (girl)friend

Jango, a 27yo massacre survivor who's killed Jedi masters with his bare hands: [gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly]

Ahsoka was raised in a religious meritocracy but developed all her opinions during a galactic war and then became a vigilante spy, Rex comes from a military cult, Leia is from an inherited monarchy that participates in democracy, Quinlan was originally from what appears to be a dynastic dictatorship, and IDK about Tholme other than that he is also from the religious meritocracy. And in legends Quinlan came to the religious meritocracy after his aunt sacrificed his parents to a vampire cult and then forced him to experience the psychometric echoes of that. There's just. A lot going on.

Leia at least has knowledge about structure and admin in theory that isn't based in either the military or populations under 10k

Jango: I want to be your friend. Ahsoka: Sounds fake.

I am unfairly fond of "Rex destroys a conversation by bringing up his own horrifying childhood and calling it a cult"

"Why does Sokari call you 'Rex'ika'?" "Because she's older than me." "...can I--?" "No."

Nickname privileges are extended ONLY to Ahsoka and older clones. There are no more older clones, so it's just Ahsoka.

Me joking about Star Wars AUs: Would you like a crackship? Me writing actual Star Wars fic: My favorite character type is apparently “too traumatized to have a relationship” so this is at least 90% gen.

I had to pull a scene opening at one point because Ahsoka's skill with not getting shot is actually much less useful than Tholme's clearance levels.

Now I really want a team-up of Ahsoka, Rex, and Jango where they do have to get in a dogfight of the "she flies, we shoot" variety and Fett just has to scream because the speeder thing to catch Maul was one thing, but this....

Ahsoka, before TCW: I know all the traffic rules but I'm not that great at flying! Ahsoka, after TCW: I'm great at flying but if you let me behind the wheel we are absolutely getting arrested.

She went from "knows the rules but doesn't have the skills" to "has the skills but primarily in the form of not getting shot" which! Is delightful! "Bet I can get us through that alley--" "DO NOT"

Jango and Ahsoka are both just very "Is this friendship? Is this camaraderie? My heart's been fried on platonic love by so many murders that I'm not sure anymore." "I've lost a lot of friends. I kind of forgot how to make those."

I have no idea if "hasn't been closer than Alderaan except that one trip to Chandrila" is canon-compliant but ehhhhhhhh It feels plausible enough?

Belatedly realized that I could just explain my optimal Rex&Ahsoka dynamic as just... drift compatible. It's vague enough on the specifics while still digging into the meat of what they mean to each other and how they work together. The terminology is already in existence. I can just use it.

Romantic? Platonic? Familial? Doesn't matter! They're drift compatible.

They are important to each other and that is what matters

I really like the Leia&Quinlan thing. He's just like "This small child needs a friend that isn't super depressed," and decided he's going to be her friend. I keep trying to toss in "Quinlan volunteers to 'baby'sit." She's not much older and she has a Baby Brain, it works out

There's a running bet as to whether Leia will leave the Order the second she turns thirteen, or if she'll let Sokari "train" her for a few years first. And... that’s how I came up with Leia Antilles, Senator of Serenno.

They'll be bullshitting Ben as her new master to "finish out the padawanship" since they can't tell everyone she's really in her thirties and he's conveniently there and already knows everything and was half her master anyway. Like Ben was planning on taking on Luke, but Luke is "six" and even he can't swing that as old enough to be a Padawan, and it's not like Sokari will take more than a handful of years to justify knighthood, sooooooooo

#Ahsoka Tano #Captain Rex #Leia Organa #Jango Fett #Obi Wan Kenobi #time travel #de aging #Phoenix Babbles #Uncle Ben and Little Luke #Auntie Soka and Little Leia #I need to excise the bits that are actually funny on their own

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httpjeon · 4 years

Text

ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ — ᴋɴᴊ (ᴍ.)

namjoon/reader | angst, fluff, smut | dating service!au

wordcount: 10.3k

contents: date for hire, unsafe sex, sensitivity kink, size kink, dirty talk, fingering, car foreplay, safeword use, jimin cameo, panty kink (?), grinding, orgasm control, orgasm denial, cunnilingus, riding, wet&messy, creampie, light overstimulation

— synopsis: club ardor holds a special raffle for a free night with a man who will supposedly be the boyfriend of your dreams. you definitely don’t expect to win.

blog masterlist — series masterlist

The bar was a quiet and calm atmosphere, a Thursday night meaning it was just mostly people having a drink after work. As you wiped down the counters with the rag, you heard your coworker come from the back room calling your name.

"______, have you gotten a chance to check the raffles today yet?" she asked, grabbing a glass beside you to help clean it before you could.

You smiled in thanks, "No I haven't added them to the list yet but a few did pull a ticket today!"

"That's great," she smiled, giddy, "I think it's so exciting."

"A lot of people do seem interested in the service," you nodded, tossing your rag under the counter into the designated bin.

"I mean, how often is it that you get a free night with a man from Club Ardor?" she giggled, bumping you playfully with her hip, "Did you draw? I did."

"I haven't, no," you shrugged, smiling sheepishly.

"Why not?!" she gasped, grabbing another glass to dry off.

"I don't know..." you confessed, "I guess I'm nervous about if I win."

"Come on, it's basically a once in a lifetime opportunity!" she whined, turning around to grab the bowl and clipboard, "I'm signing you up."

You watched as she fished a paper from the bowl and handed it to you.

91294 was your number. She quickly wrote it down along with your name and contact information.

A worker from Club Ardor had shown up a week ago to explain the process of drawing and how to keep track. It was easy enough and there were already numerous spots filled on the pages.

You slipped your number into your pocket and turned around when a customer arrived at the bar to order a drink.

Somehow, you'd completely forgotten about the drawing.

It was your day off, after an especially rowdy weekend of working the bar, you were exhausted. Lounging on the couch, you munched from a bag of chips while watching TV.

From the coffee table, your phone began to buzz incessantly, making you frown. Turning to glare at the device, you saw an unknown number flashing across your screen indicating a call.

Wiping your fingers off on your sweatpants, you picked up your phone and accepted the call.

"Hello?" you sighed, hoping it wasn't a scammer.

"Hello, may I speak with Ms. ______?" a gentle, feminine voice filter through.

"Speaking," you responded, now curious.

"Ah, hello Ms. ______! My name is Joy, I'm calling on behalf of the raffle for Club Ardor," immediately, you were frozen in place, "I'm happy to congratulate that you've won the deluxe date package free of charge!"

"I...I won the..." you sat up on the couch, mouth open in shock as she laughed.

"Yes, you won," she giggled before you heard papers shuffling around.

"S-So...what happens?" you ask, heart beating loudly in your chest.

"Well, the winner is matched with Namjoon, he's the one we usually recommend for beginners," she explained, "You'll have 24 hours with him before it's over. The scene will be completely up to him—"

"Scene?" you repeated dumbly.

She hummed, "It's a term commonly used in BDSM. It's basically a planned encounter, meaning that everything that happens between you two is...essentially a role play, in this case."

"I...do we have to have sex?" you gasped at the mention of BDSM.

Joy chuckled on the line like she'd heard such a question numerous times, making your cheeks flush, "Absolutely not. You can if that is something you and he decide you want to do. If not, there is no pressure to do anything beyond talking. There is a safeword that the two of you can use if anything happens that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe."

"Okay..." you breathed in relief, "So...So what now?"

"Well, I'm going to ask you to download an app called Club Ardor. It will ask you for a password and it's the same as you raffle number. This will allow Namjoon and you to communicate safely without your numbers being revealed to the other."

"Oh...wow," you were impressed to say the least, "Alright, I'll do that. Thank you."

"If you have any questions of concerns feel free to call back!" she bid you farewell and you hung up.

After the call, you rushed to the App Store to download the app.

Just as you were told, the first screen that popped up was a code box and nothing held. You cursed, realizing you had no clue what the number on your ticket was.

Standing up, you rushed to your bedroom to find your laundry basket. Groaning, you began to dig through to collect all the pairs of your work pants that you had worn that week. You sat on the floor and began to search through the pockets of every pair.

"Ah-ha!" you cried as you pulled out a crumpled piece of paper.

You stumbled with how fast you stood up in an attempt to get back to your phone. You completely ignored the mess left behind by your rummaging and went back to sit on the couch.

Picking up your phone, you typed the number on the paper in and pressed enter. A small loading screen popped up before a profile to fill out filled your screen.

It was simple, asking height, weight, and basic characteristics.

After filling it out, you were brought to a simple blank page akin to that of an empty text message thread.

Unsure of what to do, you sat and clicked around for a minute to see if you were missing anything but nothing new happened so you locked your phone. Placing it to the side, you sighed as the nerves finally began to fade.

"I wonder..." you unlocked your phone and clicked on safari.

You typed in club ardor in the search and got a website of the same name.

"Welcome to Club Ardor, an exclusive dating service dedicated to living out every woman's fantasy," is what it read.

You scrolled past the information about how they were formed and where they were located. There was a box that was used to presumably register online for a date instead of calling to schedule. You also noticed there seemed to be a male-exclusive Club Ardor that operated separately from the one you were on.

Finally, you found what you were looking for: the dates profiles.

"Club Ardor's Dates are hand picked into the most desirable archetypes," you clicked next and were immediately brought to the profile of 'Namjoon — The Boyfriend Type.'

To your dismay, there was no picture of him — only basic information such as his height, weight, and age. You were surprised to notice the winning raffle number was the date of his birthday.

'Namjoon is most suitable for beginners. He offers an authentic Boyfriend Experience unlike any other you will experience.'

Beneath that was a small notice; “Namjoon’s service comes in a Deluxe Package and Standard Package. For 24 and 12 hours of date-time respectively!”

Before you could click further to see the other men, you phone made an unfamiliar dinging noise before a notification came in indicating a new message on the Club Ardor app.

As you opened the app, your heart began to race. A new text thread became available from Namjoon.

"Hello, nice to meet you!" his message said.

You quickly replied back with a greeting of your own. It was indicated as 'read' immediately before he started typing.

"Our date is scheduled for Saturday afternoon," he said, "I'll let you know the details as soon as I have them. Do you have any questions?"

You read the message a few times, trying to think if you had anything to ask. Your fingers began typing before you realized what you were doing, "You plan the date by yourself?"

"Yes," he replied, "Every experience of my client is unique so no two women have the same date with me 😁! I will ask you questions to make sure that everything is to your liking so I don't plan something you may end up hating lol."

You smiled, instantly charmed by his personality as you replied, "Alright! I look forward to it 😇!"

Saturday was a week away and you had no idea how you were going to live through the anticipation. It'd been so long since you'd been on a date and now you're about to go on one that would supposedly be your dream date with your dream boyfriend.

Tuesday morning rolled around and you woke up to a couple messages from Namjoon.

ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟹:𝟷𝟾ᴀᴍ] ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪᴛ's ʟᴀᴛᴇ, ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇʟʏ ᴀsʟᴇᴇᴘ ʙᴜᴛ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏʟʟᴇɢᴇ ᴏʀ ᴡᴏʀᴋ? ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟹:𝟺𝟿ᴀᴍ] ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴄᴀsᴜᴀʟ ᴏʀ ᴜᴘsᴄᴀʟᴇ? ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟽:𝟷𝟻ᴀᴍ] ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ 😜!

The messages made you smile and you quickly typed up your response before getting out of bed, "I work at a bar and I probably prefer casual...I only won this date, remember? I'm not used to luxury so...and good morning!"

You watched for a second, locking it after a moment when he didn't read it.

"No way, you won?!" your coworker, Yongsun shrieked before covering her mouth when a customer glared her way, "You won the date?"

"Yeah..." you chuckled, sneakily unlocking your phone to show her the Club Ardor app with Namjoon's name on the preview to the text thread.

"Oh my god!" she squealed, grabbing your arm excitedly, "This is crazy! Oh my god, you're going to have to tell me everything."

"Nothing's really happened," you chuckled, "He's just asked a little about me and said he's making the best date he can for me."

"He already sounds like a dream..." she sighed, lashes fluttering.

"Let's get back to work," you chuckled, pocketing your phone.

With your shift over, your feet were killing you and you nearly collapsed before you could get the door closed. Your phone gave a now familiar ding and you pulled it out to see a message from Namjoon.

ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟷:𝟻𝟽ᴘᴍ]

ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴛɪʟʟ ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ?

You texted back letting him know your shift just ended and you were going to be heading home. He read it immediately and began to type.

ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟷:𝟻𝟽ᴘᴍ] ʟᴀᴛᴇ sʜɪғᴛ, ʜᴜʜ...ʙᴇ sᴀғᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ʜᴏᴍᴇ. ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ʜᴏᴍᴇ.

You smiled, enjoying the way your heart fluttered in your chest at his words. He definitely had the 'boyfriend' role down to a science. Packing your things up, you bid goodbye to Yongsun and made the trek back home.

As soon as your door was shut and locked behind you, you pulled out your phone to text Namjoon.

ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟷𝟿ᴀᴍ] ɪ'ᴍ ɢʟᴀᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛ ʜᴏᴍᴇ sᴀғᴇʟʏ. ɪᴛ's ʟᴀᴛᴇ, ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ. ɢᴇᴛ sᴏᴍᴇ ʀᴇsᴛ.

You bid him goodnight, and held your hand to your chest. He was dreamy. You wondered what he looked like.

His personality only gave you so much and you wished you could put a face to the man who seemed to increasingly make you swoon.

After getting ready for bed, you sat down and combed your freshly washed hair before pulling your phone out of the mess of blankets you'd thrown it into.

ᴛᴏ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷:𝟶𝟷ᴀᴍ]

ᴄᴀɴ ɪ ᴀsᴋ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ?

ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷:𝟶𝟷ᴀᴍ]

sᴜʀᴇ, ᴅᴀʀʟɪɴɢ.

The pet name immediately had you blushing and you bit back a smile.

ᴛᴏ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷:𝟶𝟸ᴀᴍ]

ᴄᴀɴ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ʟɪᴋᴇ?

He read the message and you waited to see if there was a response. When he didn't begin typing, you deflated slightly and sighed — taking it as a no.

As you tossed your phone to the side, you stood up to go to the bathroom to brush your teeth. Once finished, you crawled back into bed and picked up your phone.

You paused when you saw three minutes ago Namjoon had sent you a picture.

When you opened it, you felt like all the air had been punched out of your lungs.

He had blonde hair that was pushed back off of his forehead and thick, pretty lips. You could see the faintest hint of dimples on the flawless skin of his cheeks.

He was probably the most good looking mad you'd laid your eyes on.

As you stared at his picture, another text from him came in.

ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷:𝟶𝟽ᴀᴍ]

ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ɴᴇʀᴠᴏᴜs ɴᴏᴛ ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀɪɴɢ, sᴡᴇᴇᴛʜᴇᴀʀᴛ.

ᴛᴏ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷:𝟶𝟽ᴀᴍ]

sᴏʀʀʏ...ɪ ᴡᴀs ᴊᴜsᴛ sᴜʀᴘʀɪsᴇᴅ. ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ...ᴠᴇʀʏ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ.

ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷:𝟶𝟾ᴀᴍ]

ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ, ɪ'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴅ sʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ ғᴀᴄᴇ.

You frowned, feeling self-conscious as you had to follow up a picture of your own face after seeing his incredibly attractive self.

ᴛᴏ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷:𝟶𝟿ᴀᴍ]

ɪ'ʟʟ sᴇɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ.

ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷:𝟶𝟿ᴀᴍ] ᴋᴇᴇᴘɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴏɴ ᴇᴅɢᴇ. ɪ sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɢᴀᴍᴇ, ᴅᴀʀʟɪɴɢ. ɪ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ғᴏʀᴡᴀʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ɪᴛ.

The teasing tone and pet name had you flushing, unable to respond as you locked your phone and plugged it in for the night.

When you woke up, you had a text from Namjoon greeting you good morning once more. It brought a smile to your face and you texted him good morning back before once again leaving to get ready.

As soon as you got to work, you showed Yongsun the picture of Namjoon. You were sure she nearly had a stroke as she covered her mouth to scream gleefully before gushing about how good looking he was.

"Man, Club Ardor really...really did choose well, huh?" she hummed, zooming in on his face, "Look at his lips, man, if you don't get at least one kiss from him I will make your life hell."

"You trying to live vicariously through me?" you giggled at her dramatic nature.

"I can't any other way! I'm too poor to snag a date with one of them," she pouted, putting her work apron on with a sigh, "It must be nice to be rich."

"He keeps calling me pet names, it's honestly..." you quickly tied your hair up as you spoke, "He really feels like a boyfriend, it's crazy."

"Club Ardor lives up to its reputation," Yongsun nodded, "I thought it was only a 24-hour thing, how come you've got him for a week in advance?"

You shrugged, putting your phone on silent before pocketing it, "When I won, the lady said it was a special deluxe package. I didn't think to ask. Maybe I'll ask Namjoon later."

"I wonder how many women end up falling for them by accident," she mumbled, opening the staff door leading to the bar for you, "They must have broken numerous hearts if everyone is as authentic as Namjoon seems..."

"I guess that's the price you pay for a fake date with the man of your dreams," you replied, sighing, "They ruin you for anyone else."

Getting home, you noticed you didn't have any messages at all from Namjoon. It was odd but you didn't think anything of it. Heading to the bathroom, you touched up your makeup and fixed your hair before taking several selfies until you found a suitable one.

Taking a deep breath, you quickly sent it to Namjoon with an attaching message reading "as promised!"

When you didn't receive a reply, you decided to just head to bed.

Waking up that morning, you quickly realized it was going to be a shitty day. Your alarm on your phone failed to go off properly — you must have forgotten to turn it on the night before. It led you into getting ready as quickly as you could to get to work on time.

You arrived at the last minute, Yongsun having arrived earlier than you so you didn't have a chance to talk to her.

When your lunch break rolled around, you had the first moment to check your phone. Opening the text thread with Namjoon, you noticed he had seen your picture shortly after you sent it the night before but hadn't responded.

It made you feel bad, your already low mood easily receiving another hit from the bad day.

Putting it on silent once more, you put it in your pocket and returned to work.

By the time you got home, you were beyond drained. Your mood was in the toilet, your feet hurt, and you had barely gotten any tips.

You took a shower, hoping to relax the tense, sore muscles in your back. The hot water and soothing atmosphere helped to clear your mind.

By the time you got out, you were feeling a little better and decided to curl up on the couch for the night in comfortable pajamas and fuzzy socks. Covering yourself with your favorite throw blanket, you turned the TV on and let yourself settle down.

Before long, you were dozing off. You had gotten several episodes into a drama and decided to call it quits once the current turned off. In an effort to keep yourself awake, you sat up and grabbed your phone off of the coffee table.

When you unlocked it, you were surprised to see several text messages from Namjoon.

ғʀᴏᴍ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟷𝟾ᴀᴍ]

ʜᴇʏ sᴡᴇᴇᴛʜᴇᴀʀᴛ, sᴏʀʀʏ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ᴀʙsᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ?

ғʀᴏᴍ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟸𝟸ᴀᴍ]

ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏᴏ ᴜᴘsᴇᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ, ɪ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛᴏ ɢʜᴏsᴛ ʏᴏᴜ.

ғʀᴏᴍ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟸𝟾ᴀᴍ] ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛ ʜᴏᴍᴇ sᴀғᴇʟʏ.

You couldn't help but smile as you unlocked the phone and typed out your reply.

ᴛᴏ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟹𝟸ᴀᴍ]

ɪᴛ's ᴏᴋᴀʏ. ɪ'ᴍ ʜᴏᴍᴇ.

ғʀᴏᴍ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟹𝟸ᴀᴍ] ɪs sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ?

You were surprised both by his quick response and ability to tell that something was wrong.

ᴛᴏ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟹𝟹ᴀᴍ]

ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀ ʙᴀᴅ ᴅᴀʏ. ɪs ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴏᴋᴀʏ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ?

ғʀᴏᴍ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟹𝟺ᴀᴍ]

ʏᴇᴀʜ, ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪs ғɪɴᴇ. ɪ ᴊᴜsᴛ ɢᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʙᴜsʏ sᴜᴅᴅᴇɴʟʏ!

ᴛᴏ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟹𝟺ᴀᴍ] ᴏʜ? ᴡᴀs ɪᴛ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʟɪᴇɴᴛ?

You were quite curious about the aspect of his job. It was such an unknown world to you that it actually made you want to know more about what happens behind the scenes.

ғʀᴏᴍ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟹𝟻ᴀᴍ]

ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ, ɴᴏ. ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ʙɪɢ ᴇxᴀᴍ ғᴏʀ ᴍʏ ᴄʟᴀss. ɪᴛ ᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ ᴜᴘ ᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴜᴘ ᴀʟʟ ᴍʏ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴛᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ.

ᴛᴏ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟹𝟻ᴀᴍ]

ᴄʟᴀss? ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀ ᴄᴏʟʟᴇɢᴇ sᴛᴜᴅᴇɴᴛ?!

ғʀᴏᴍ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟸:𝟹𝟻ᴀᴍ] ʏᴇᴀʜ! ɪ'ᴍ ᴀ ʙɪᴏʟᴏɢʏ ᴍᴀᴊᴏʀ ᴀᴛ sɴᴜ.

You were stunned. SNU was a tough university to get into, and the fact Namjoon had — he had to be smart. You were confused why a man like that was a date-for-hire. It felt too invasive to ask so you simply replied with an impressed 'that's amazing'.

He immediately began typing again and you waited just a second until the message popped up.

"I've got to go, something with work came up. I just want to say that I enjoyed your picture, you're absolutely beautiful and I can't wait to see your beauty in person. Sleep nice, sweetheart."

For the first time that day, you felt happy.

Friday morning, you were a mess of nerves. You still had work and you were thankful that it would be able to take your mind off of it.

As you worked, you felt your phone buzz and you heart raced in response. You hoped it was Namjoon.

It wasn't until you lunch break that you were able to open it.

He had asked how you were feeling which you replied with an honest 'nervous'.

Before your break ended, you got a sweet 'don't be nervous, baby. It'll be fun, I promise!'

Once you were home, you found yourself opening the text thread with Namjoon to greet him. He didn't respond quickly so you jumped in the shower to wash off the filth that had started to cling to you. You'd gotten off earlier than usual but there had still been the loud, smoking, drunk patrons that frequented on weekends. The smell of cigarettes stunk up your hair so you eagerly washed it, enjoying the scent of your lavender shampoo.

You stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around your body as you used another to scrunch your hair dry.

Taking a seat on your bed, you noticed the screen lit up with a notification.

ғʀᴏᴍ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟶:𝟷𝟻ᴘᴍ]

ʜᴇʏ ʙᴀʙʏ, ɪ'ᴍ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʟʟ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴅʀᴇss ᴄᴏᴍғᴏʀᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ. ᴡᴇᴀʀ sʜᴏᴇs ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ sᴛᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ɪɴ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ.

ᴛᴏ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟶:𝟷𝟼ᴘᴍ]

ᴀʟʀɪɢʜᴛ! ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴀ sᴋɪʀᴛ ʙᴇ ᴏᴋᴀʏ?

ғʀᴏᴍ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟶:𝟷𝟼ᴘᴍ]

ᴛʜᴀᴛ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ғɪɴᴇ, ᴅᴀʀʟɪɴɢ. ɪ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ғᴏʀᴡᴀʀᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴇᴇɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ!

ᴛᴏ: ɴᴀᴍᴊᴏᴏɴ [𝟷𝟶:𝟷𝟽ᴘᴍ]

ɪ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴀɪᴛ!

You locked your phone and put it on to charge for the night after bidding him goodnight. Sighing, you stood up and made your way to the closet. Luckily you had an outfit idea in mind and you stood up to fish it out.

Feeling giddy, you hung it up on the hook on the back of your door and picked out a pair of flats. You'd had them for a year, they were still in excellent shape but they'd been worn enough to be more than comfortable.

Then you finally laid down in bed, curling up with your blankets around you.

You woke up at 11 — your alarm pulling you from a deep sleep. Sitting up, you stretched and let out a groan as you joints popped. You tossed your feet onto the floor and stood up, making your way to the bathroom.

When you came out, you spotted the outfit today's date on the door of your closet and smiled. Your heart fluttered in your chest and you eagerly picked up your phone, unlocking it when you saw a message from Namjoon.

Your fingers trembled as you read that it was a simple address.

"Meet me here at 12:30...we're having lunch!"

You decided to get dressed and use the hour you had to do your hair and makeup. When you were ready, you let out a slow exhale to steady your nerves as you slid your shoes on and headed out.

It was wonderful weather and the light breeze felt nice on your bare legs. The skirt made you feel cute and encouraged you to hold your head high.

The address led you to a small, family owned restaurant. You opened the door, taking a look around. It had a rustic vibe and there were a couple people scattered around. You inhaled, the smell of cooking food making your stomach growl.

Realizing that Namjoon wasn't at any of the tables, you decided to choose a booth that was located in a quiet corner.

A waiter stopped to deliver a menu to you before asking if you wanted a drink. After ordering a coke, he disappeared and you opened the menu.

You checked the time, frowning when you realizing it was 10 past the time he'd told you. The waiter placed your drink down and you thanked him.

"Do you want to order anything?" he asked, holding a small pad and pen.

"Um no...not yet, I'm waiting for someone," you replied sheepishly. He nodded and put the pad away before he disappeared again.

As you resumed looking at the menu, eyeing the burger options, someone dropped down into the booth seat across from you. You jumped, head jerking up to meet the brilliant, dimpled smile of Namjoon.

"Hi," he greeted, his voice smooth and rich. It made your heart flutter and your cheeks burn. He was gorgeous, deep dimples and pretty brown eyes that sparkled. His hair was honey blonde but was hanging in his eyes, giving him a boyish appearance.

"H-Hi..." you breathed, looking away when you couldn't hold his stare any longer.

"Cute..." you heard him chuckle before he leaned back in the booth, "Sorry I'm late...work held me for a bit longer than I anticipated."

"I-It's fine," you mumbled, the two of you being interrupted by the waiter placing another menu down for Namjoon and asking him for his drink order.

"Can I get a coffee black," he asked, smiling before looking down at the menu, "Got any clue what you want?"

"I kind of want a burger..." you mumbled, eyeing the different options.

"You read my mind," he chuckled, sending heat to your cheeks once again, "The burgers here are to die for."

"You come here often?" you asked, raising a brow when he nodded.

"Usually after class, it's on the way to my apartment so..." he shrugged.

"Here you go, sir," the waiter said, placing the cup of steaming coffee down in front of Namjoon, "Do you two know what you want?"

After the two of you ordered, you were left alone. Namjoon looked effortless at ease, a small smirk playing on his lips as he looked at you.

"You look cute," he complimented, smiling gleefully when you became flustered, "Do I make you nervous?"

"N-Not nervous..." you mumbled, biting your lip, "It's just..strange, I guess."

He nodded, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hand thoughtfully, "I get it. There's build up to it and then when it finally happens it sort feels unreal."

"Yeah," you chuckled, lifting your glass to your lips to take a sip from the straw, "I was meaning to ask you...er," you paused before you voiced the question, "Are you okay with...talking about your...job?"

He chuckled, "Ask away."

"How come you're going to a school like SNU...but working this job?" you asked, "I mean there's nothing wrong with a date-for-hire job but like..."

"I get it," he nodded, sitting back to sip his coffee, "To be honest, I just needed a way to pay my way through. I didn't exactly...expect to pass the entrance exam, it was just a spur of the moment decision, and then when I did...I realized I had absolutely no way to pay for it," he sighed, a smile playing on his lips, "So I was looking around and...the opportunity to work for Club Ardor came up so I took it."

"That's interesting..." you hummed, stirring your drink with the straw, "You've got to be pretty smart to pass the exam without even expecting to."

He chuckled, dropping his head. You could see his ears turn pink and you realized he was shy, "I just...do my best," he cleared his throat and looked back up at you, "So you work at a bar?"

"Unfortunately," you huffed.

"You don't like it?" he asked.

"Not really," was your reply, making him frown, "Kills my feet and it's usually shit pay and tips. I'd quit and get a new job if I could but I can't risk losing my apartment and stuff..."

"I understand," he said and looked like he was going to say something else but the waiter interrupted with the plates of food.

The two of you fell into a surprisingly comfortable silence as you began eating. You hummed at the delicious taste, making Namjoon smile.

"Good right?" he chuckled when you nodded enthusiastically, taking another bite.

After you both had finished your burgers, he ordered a piece of chocolate mousse cake to share. It was wonderfully easy to fall into Namjoon's rhythm, you realized. He was calm, easy to talk to, and witty — making you laugh by barely doing anything.

You were comfortable with him.

However, there was a heavy feeling deep in the back of your mind as you remembered that this wasn't real. It was his job to make you have fun — he was paid to make you feel nice.

You were surprised to find that the two of you had been there for a while — it was nearing four o'clock. He seemed a bit surprised as well as he checked the watch on his wrist. You couldn't help but notice how expensive it looked.

"I think we should get going, our next destination awaits," he stood up, slapping down a couple bills from his wallet as a tip.

"There's more?" you asked, taking his hand when he offered it to you.

He chuckled, lacing your fingers together as he nodded, "Of course, wouldn't it be disappointing if this is all we did? A whole 24 hours to kill...man, I would not be worth my salt."

"I-I guess..." you chuckled, acutely aware of the way his hand felt in yours, "Where are we going though?"

"Ah...you're not getting information out of me that easily," he teased, opening the door for you to let you out first, "It's a surprise!"

"What if I hate surprised?" you asked, teasingly raising a brow.

"Well..." he stopped in front of a sleek black car and smiled, "I guess you better learn to love them pretty fast."

He didn't let you answer before he was opening the passenger car door and ushering you inside. Once he was sure you were comfortable, he shut the door with a slam and jogged around the front to slide into the driver's seat.

As he began driving, he turned on the radio and let a comfortable silent settle in. You took a moment to take him in; his long, pretty fingers gripping the wheel and the way his jeans hugged his thick thighs. As he stared ahead at the road, you could make out the sharp of his jawline and how his lips glistened in the sunlight after he dug his tongue across them.

He was dreamy to say the least.

"You okay?" he asked, smiling that pretty smile, "Do you want to AC on?"

"No, I'm okay," you replied, looking away at almost being caught.

However, you were quickly forced to look back at him when you felt his hand slide over yours on the middle console until you let him lace your fingers together.

"We're heading out of Seoul," he said, "We should be at our destination by 7."

"Is there something interesting going on out of Seoul?" you asked, making him shake his head.

"Interesting for other people, no. Interesting for us...very much so," he squeezed your hand, bring it up to his lips to press a kiss against the skin.

Your heart hammered loudly in your chest as his lips lingered.

He was good at his job, you'd give him that.

The time passed with the two of you talking; he introduced you to his favorite music and made you laugh as his sang along off-key. He even took a bit to passionately explain a recent portion of his course in college to you — even though you barely understood anything. He looked so cute with bright eyes as he excitedly spewed things off from memory.

It was nice. It was comfortable.

His hand in yours felt nice.

The sun was just beginning to set, casting a vibrant orange glow on the world around you when the two of you suddenly pulled into a side road. The pavement gradually turned to gravel before it was just dirt.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were bringing me out here to murder me," you joked as you watched the heavily lined trees pass.

Namjoon laughed wholeheartedly from beside you, "Oh darn, you caught on."

His sarcasm made you smile, your eyes focused on the road in front of you. After several minutes, the trees finally vanished Namjoon stopped the car.

You stepped out of the car when he opened the door for you, grinning.

Looking around, you realized you were in a huge grass field. There wasn't anything in sight as far as you could see. It was a vibrant green, almost glowing in the orange light.

"What...what's here?" you asked, looking to him as he leaned back against the hood of his car.

"Just wait, baby, come here," you flushed at the pet name and let him pull you into his chest.

His arms wrapped around your waist and you could feel his breath fanning over your ear. He smelled incredible, a musky — almost spicy scent of his cologne making your eyes flutter.

You relaxed, your back to his chest as you both stared out over the seemingly endless field.

As the minutes ticked by, the sun began to sink lower and the light diminished further. You were eager to know what exactly you were waiting for.

Suddenly Namjoon hummed, "There they are..."

Your eyes moved from his face back to the field and you couldn't help but gasp at what you saw.

The field was lighting up with seemingly millions of little lights. You stepped forward, eyes wide as you watched the lights dance around endlessly as the field vibrantly came to life.

"This is..." you gaped for a second before looking back at Namjoon, "Incredible!"

"I heard about this place a couple months ago," he explained, pushing himself off the hood of his car, "A friend of mine took his kids out here and it sounded so magical I wanted to come. I didn't have the opportunity to until now."

"I'm so glad you decided to take me here," you whispered, beginning to make your way into the field.

The grass was thigh-high, clearly unmaintained but you didn't mind. The fireflies surrounded you, landing on your body and flickering their little lights brightly.

"I'm glad I took you here too..." he said, making you jump as he was suddenly behind you.

As you looked up at him, you could see the way the fireflies lights reflected off the deep pools of brown in his eyes. He looked ethereal, smiling down at you as if it were just the two of you in the world.

He turned you around, wrapping his arm around your waist and reaching up to cup your cheek. Your breathing stuttered as he leaned down just slightly — hinting at what he wanted.

"Can I kiss you, ______?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"Y-Yeah...I'd like that..." you replied.

He smiled just slightly before his lips descended down upon yours. They were soft and as his thumb softly stroked your cheek, you returned the kiss. Your hands found purchase on his chest and you stood on your tip toes to deepen the kiss. He eagerly reciprocated, cupping the back of your head to tangle his fingers in your hair as his lips moved effortlessly against your own.

When you pulled away, you were both panting and he wore a small smirk.

"Ready to head back?" he asked, voice a few octaves deeper.

A shiver went down your spine when you felt his way his hands lingered on your body. You nodded and let him take your hand to lead you back to the car.

The atmosphere between the two of you changed drastically from before. It was tense and heated.

You could feel his gaze shifting to you every few minutes, lingering in a way that had your body heating up. With every second that passed, the more you thought about that kiss.

He was a good kisser. You wondered what else those lips could do. He had pretty hands. You wanted them on your body — wanted to feel his touch on your skin.

It seemed Namjoon shared the same idea as his hand suddenly found purchase on your thigh — bare from the skirt you wore. Goosebumps rose along your skin in response.

His fingers inched towards the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. You let your thighs separate for his wandering touch and you heard him release a breathy exhale.

"Tell me if you want me to touch you," he said, making you lick your lips, "I'll only do it if you say yes."

"Pl-Please touch me, Namjoon," you breathed shamelessly eyes fluttering when his hand forced your legs further apart so he could cup your clothed core.

"The safeword is firefly," he growled, the sound only dampening your panties. Your breathing hastened at the soft, teasing touch of his fingers, "Say it."

"Th-The safeword...is firefly," you breathed, letting your head fall back against the headrest as you arched you hips further into his touch.

"Good girl," he grinned, never taking his eyes off the road.

His fingers were skilled and precise, forcing the damp fabric between your folds to find your clit. You shuddered at the rough friction against your hardening bud, biting your lip to hold back from crying out. He let out a breathy chuckle, clearly enjoying teasing you.

You were getting wetter with every second that passed, making your panties stick to you almost uncomfortably.

"Can you take your panties off for me, babygirl?" he asked, taking his eyes off the road to take a look at you as you reached under your skirt. Hooking your thumbs beneath the band of your panties, you tugged them down. You pulled your knees up to your chest to tug them off of your feet.

Before you could toss them away, Namjoon grabbed them and sat up to shove them into his pocket before his hand found purchase on your thigh again.

"Spread your legs wide, baby," he mumbled, licking his lips as you did as you were told.

With your pussy completely exposed, he could see the way your wetness glistened in the passing light from outside. He let out a breathy groan when his digits found their way between your folds, spreading them apart to make you shiver as the AC breezed over your sensitive slit.

You let your mouth fall open with a small whine when he slid his middle finger into your entrance, the long digit easily finding your sweet spot — which he immediately began to abuse. When you looked over to him, you could see he wore a smirk on his lips and it made your walls flutter around him.

He hummed, pulling the digit out to circle your swollen clit — your own arousal allowing him to make effortlessly quick circles on the bud until you reached down to grab his wrist.

He chuckled, letting you slow him, "Sensitive, baby?"

"Mhm..." you sighed, not releasing your hold on him as he moved to sink two fingers into your cunt, "Feels good..." you whispered.

"Yeah?" he chuckled, licking his lips as he slowly pumped his fingers into your wet pussy, the noises almost obscene in the otherwise quiet car, "So tight, baby."

You didn't offer a response, merely grinding your hips down to get him to touch that spot again. When he did, you jolted and moaned. Namjoon hummed, his cock painfully hard in his jeans. He wanted to relieve the ache but both hands were too occupied.

"Hey baby?" he asked, smiling at your dazed 'hm?', "Can you unbutton my jeans for me?"

As you reached over, fingers ghosting over his hardness through the material of his jeans, he added a third finger. It made you paused, instinctively gripping his cock. He groaned, biting his lip at the feeling until you finally pulled the button out of the loop and pulled the zipper down.

"Fuck, that's better..." he mumbled to himself, angling his fingers in your hole upwards to press that spot again — enjoying the way it made you tremble.

He paused in surprised when your hand dove beneath his jeans to cup his cock through the cotton of his boxers, "You're...big..." The comment had him grinning, ego boosted, "You know how to use it, right?"

"Do you think I don't, babygirl?" he growled, pulling his fingers from your cunt to lightly slap your clit. You jolted and covered your mouth with your hand to quiet the shriek you let out in surprise at the sting.

You hummed, squeezing his cock, "I hope you do but...sometimes guys have big cocks that they just can't use."

You felt a rush of excitement as you saw his tongue poke the inside of his cheek angrily, clearly not happy with your challenge.

"You'll see how well I can use this cock soon, baby," his voice was low and dark, "Until then, sit back and let me play with your little cunt, huh? I don't wanna hear anything but moaning from that pretty mouth, got it?"

You didn't answer, resulting in a sharp slap to your sensitive bud again.

"Answer me," he growled, stroking his fingers over your folds to sooth the sting when you voice your understanding.

It seemed like everything turned into a daze around you. You could only focus on the incredible feeling of his hands touching your cunt. Every time it seemed that you were close to release, he'd back off and ease you away from orgasm.

You were growing frustrated, nearing tears when the car came to a sudden stop. Blinking yourself out of the daze, you looked around to find you had pulled into a small parking garage.

You sat up in the seat, pulling your thighs together and shivered when you felt how wet you were. Namjoon opened your door and helped you out, slamming it before you heard it automatically lock — deafening in the garage. He took your hand and tugged you in the direction of the doors.

There was a red carpet leading up the two darkened glass doors which Namjoon easily opened with a slide of a card in the reader that sat on the wall. When you stepped inside, you were stunned to see that it was a breathtaking, extravagant sitting room.

It was furnished mostly white with a couch and chairs, even a TV and table. There was a door on the other side that also appeared to be locked with a card reader.

"This is restricted to the guys and clients only," he explained, leading you over to an elevator. He pressed the button to call it and the two of you fell silent.

You squeezed your thighs together at the lingering arousal, only increasing when you felt his hand trail beneath the back of your skirt the graze over your folds. The elevator dinged and slid open, the two of you stepping inside. Namjoon pressed a button and the elevator doors closed.

He suddenly turned around, pinning you against the wall of the elevator. The metal railing pressed against your spine but you paid it no mind because his lips were quickly pressed against yours. You sighed into the kiss, gripping his shirt tightly in your hands to pull him closer to you. His body was warm and firm, hands gripping your hips to grind his still hard length against you with a groan.

The elevator dinged with the arrival to the correct floor, his lips lingered on yours for a second before the doors began to open. Before either of you could step off, you were greeted by another man who stood with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"What're you doing, Jimin?" Namjoon asked, sounding surprised as he stepped aside to let the other on.

"I was going to go out but now I'm stuck in an elevator with you for another minute," the new man mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back.

You took a moment to look him over, black hair pushed back messily to reveal strong brows and sharp eyes. The man oozed intimidation and you felt your heart speed up. Namjoon seemed unaffected and you assumed it was because he'd been around the stranger, Jimin, a lot.

The elevator dinged once again and opened up. Jimin gave Namjoon a short wave when you both stepped out before he reached over and pressed a button. You caught sight of a smirk on his full lips before the doors closed.

You let out a sigh, letting Namjoon take your hand once again.

"Sorry about that," he chuckled, "We don't usually run into each other like that."

"He's another...date?" you asked as he led you down a hallway. There were several doors that you passed but he was taking you to the very end of the hall it seemed.

"Yeah, that's Jimin," he responded.

"He was...scary," you mumbled, making him laugh.

"A couple of the guys are pretty intimidating," he said, "A lot of girls are into that type though."

"I see..." you said, the run in with another date only seemed to pull you out of the daze you'd gotten into with him. It reminded you that you were only part of his job, and that thought made your chest ache. You felt almost pathetic and you realized how lonely you would feel after you left him.

"Again, sorry," he sighed, seemingly realizing you had been pulled from the scene. He stopped in front of a door at the very end of the hallway, pulling out the card he used for entry and slid it into the door like a hotel keycard. The red light turned green and he pushed the door open.

"It's okay..." you assured, smiling politely when he let you walk in first.

He flicked the light on and you paused to look around. It was a homely, casually decorated room. There was a TV and a couch connected to a kitchen. You could see through a doorway across the room that it was a bedroom. The carpet was soft and warm beneath your feet when you took your shoes off.

"This is our room for the night," he smiled, placing his keys and wallet into a drawer next to the door, which automatically locked with a keycode, "I chose it just for you."

"There are other rooms to choose from?" you asked, wandering further into the living room to take a seat on the couch.

"Yeah, this whole floor is actually mine," he said, kicking his own shoes off, "We all have our own floor. Each room is furnished and styled differently according to client and scene."

"Interesting," you sighed, letting yourself relax on the couch as Namjoon wandered into the kitchen.

You watched him open the fridge and pull out a couple bottles of coke. He placed it down on the coffee table in front of you before he sat down as well.

"Thanks," you smiled as he put his arm around your shoulders and grabbed the remote, turning the TV on.

After a moment of him channel surfing, you realized you needed to pee. Excusing yourself, you followed his directions into the bedroom to the bathroom.

The bedroom was designed just as homely as the living room, with a bed of several fluffy pillows and a bedspread that looked soft. There was a dresser and bedside tables as well. It sort of looked like a bedroom a couple would share.

Shaking that thought from your head, you stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.

Namjoon sat on the couch and sighed when he heard the bathroom door close. He could tell you felt strange about everything now and he cursed Jimin's appearance.

The only way the scenes worked was if he was able to make his client feel like their relationship was real and genuine. Usually he would let his client figure her own way around and he'd move on with his job but for some reason he really wanted to see you lost in everything with him.

You weren't familiar with this life whereas his clientele consisted of women who regularly used dating services. The way everything was so new to you was endearing and he wanted you to have a good time.

He broke out of his thoughts when you sheepishly called his name from the doorway of the bedroom.

"What is it, baby?" he asked, glancing at the way you gripped the edge of your skirt.

"Y-You still have my um..." a smile bloomed across his face as you inched closer to him until you were standing in front of him.

"Your what?" he asked, cocking his head to the side in faux confusion.

"M-My panties," you grumbled, holding your hand out, "Give them back, it feels weird not wearing any."

"I think I prefer you without them," he grinned, sitting forward.

Your breathing stuttered when his hands gripped your thighs, urging you forward until your standing between his spread knees. His fingers found the edge of your blouse, pulling it out of the band of your skirt. Your hands naturally found purchase on his hair as he leaned forward to press a soft kiss against the soft skin of your stomach.

His hair was soft and he sighed when you tugged it as his lips ghosted over a sensitive spot. Pulling back, he reached up to undo the first button of your shirt, pausing to give you a chance to stop him. When you didn't, he continued to undo the buttons until it was hanging open. He licked his lips as he sat back to admire you, your breasts looking wonderful in the pretty bralette he knew you wore just for him. It wasn't lost on him that it matched your panties.

His hands traveled up your body until he cupped your breasts through the bra, making you sigh and arch your back for him. He pushed the bottom up until your breasts came into view and he felt his cock throb in his jeans at the sight of your perked nipples.

Your cheeks burned hot as he shamelessly drank in the sight of your bare breasts. You quickly stripped the article off, leaving you in your skirt alone.

He released a shaky breath and grabbed your hips, urging you forward until you fell into his lap. Cupping the back of your head, he brought you down for a heated kiss. You could feel his length, so hard, beneath you and you reached down to unbutton his jeans once again. This time, however, you pulled his cock free. You could see precum glistening on the tip and as you gave him a quick squeeze, you watched it drip down the head to meet your hand.

He pulled you down so you were suddenly sitting on his cock, the shaft sliding between your wet folds. He groaned, head falling back as you immediately began to grind against him, your clit sliding along the sensitive underside of him.

"You're so wet..." he breathed as he felt you dripping down his cock, "Does it feel good, baby?"

"So good," you whined, gripping his shoulders as you eagerly ground yourself against him, your clit throbbing as you were reminded how you were edged and denied by him earlier.

The high you'd missed out on was rapidly growing again, making you tremble in anticipation. Namjoon sensed your impending orgasm and quickly stopped you, forcing you back onto your knees.

Before you could voice your complaints at being denied again, you were roughly pinned down with Namjoon hovering over you. He leaned down, cupping your cheek as he pulled you in for a kiss.

You gasped into his mouth as you felt his cock at your entrance. You could distantly register the crinkle of a condom wrapper but were too absorbed in the kiss to think about it.

You both froze, eyes locking as he sunk into your tight cunt, your walls squeezing him so perfectly that it made his lashes flutter. Neither of you wanted to wait, you arched your hips, grinding down on him until he pulled back.

When he sunk into you completely and you cried out when he found your sweet spot with practiced ease.

"Holy shit," you whined, clinging to his shirt as he focused on hitting that spot.

"Feel good?" he asked, a cocky smirk on his face when you nodded, "Think I know how to use my cock?"

"Fuck, yes," you panted, losing your grip on him when he suddenly sat back on his knees.

He gripped you beneath your knees and pinned them to your chest. You were left deliciously exposed and the angle allowed him to hit your spot even better. The orgasm you continued to be denied was growing once again.

Sweat caused Namjoon's hair to cling to his forehead and there was a dark glaze in his eyes as he watched the way you hungrily took him in. Your cunt was creaming wet as you gushed on him, painfully close to cumming but unable to without him touching your clit.

He grinned as you whined, dangling so close to the edge, he kept building you up but never let you fall over. The desperate way you ground against him made his cock throb, close to his own orgasm.

It turned him on, having such control over you. Knowing that he was the only one who could make you cum in this moment.

"Please, please make me cum, Joon..." you practically sobbed.

The nickname took him by surprise, throwing him off guard and it pushed him over the edge. You whined when he stilled, feeling the way his cock was throbbing in the throws of his orgasm, the lovely little groan he gave as pleasure coursed through his body.

He pulled out, watching the way you trembled. The denial was painful, leaving you with teary eyes and pouting lips.

Suddenly, he was sinking two fingers into your entrance and there was the hot feeling of his tongue on your clit. Your hands flew down to grip his hair. He pumped his fingers upwards, hitting your spot as he sucked your bud into his mouth.

Your walls fluttered and tightened around him with your high. Your whole body tensed before you were cumming. He groaned, releasing your clit from his lips but flattening his tongue against it as it pulsed in time to your orgasm.

You were crying out, the orgasm that had been denied several times being one of the most powerful you'd ever experienced.

Before long, you were whining in overstimulation until he finally pulled his fingers from your cunt. Giving you a final lick to your clit, enjoying the way it made your body jolt, he pulled away.

He brought his cum soaked fingers to his lips, meeting your gaze as he took them into his mouth. Your squeezed your thighs together at the way he moaned at your taste, swirling his tongue around the digits until he deemed them clean enough.

Then, he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours — letting you barely taste yourself.

The two of you were panting, worn out from the intense session.

"We should get cleaned up," he breathed, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

"Yeah," you nodded, letting him pull you up and lead you to the bathroom.

He closed the door and began to strip. The only thing you had to do was push your skirt down until you were completely nude.

"I've...never done that before," he suddenly said as you both stepped beneath the rainhead shower, hot water pouring over you both.

"Done what?" you asked, smoothing your hands over you skin to quell the goosebumps.

"Used my...mouth," he mumbled before quickly shaking his head, "I-I mean I've eaten girls out before, I've had girlfriends obviously but...I've never done it with a client."

"Oh..." you hummed, meeting his gaze. He seemed almost nervous, "Th-Thanks...for doing it with me, I guess?"

He chuckled, nervously reaching up to comb his now wet hair back, "Don't take this the wrong way but...I really don't know why I did it. I just...had this overwhelming need to taste you..."

The confession send a shiver down your spine and you bit your lip, "And...was it up to your standards."

He grinned, stepping forward until he was towering over you, "Exceeded them."

He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, sighing into the kiss. Wrapping his arm around your waist, he pulled you closer to him.

"I want to do it again," he mumbled, reaching behind him to shut the water off.

"Wh—!" you were cut off by him suddenly picking you up. Clinging to him, you were paranoid he would drop you but before you could enjoy being in his arms, he was tossing you onto the bed.

Neither of you cared you were soaking wet from the shower, he spread your legs and dropped to his knees at the edge of the bed. He was perfect height to slide his tongue through your folds, making you sigh. You were still sensitive and eagerly spread your legs for more.

He was good with his tongue, letting his tongue find its way into your entrance — hot and wet. Mouthing at your clit, he swirled his tongue around the bud, enjoying the way you whined at the stimulation. Reaching down, you ran your fingers through his wet hair and tugged.

Namjoon was in heaven, the taste of you sweet juices on his tongue going straight to his cock. It was maddening how you had such a strong effect on him.

Wrapping his arms around your thighs, he slid his tongue between your folds with a moan. He took your clit into his mouth, the tip of his tongue flicking lightly to make your thighs jump.

"I'm gonna cum..." you whined, arching your back as you abandoned your hold on his hair in favor of the sheets.

"Cum," he urged, never stopping his tongue on your clit, even as you arched and let out a low moan. You trembled in his hold and gasped, clamping your thighs around his head to stop him when it quickly turned into overstimulation.

He stood up, eagerly crawling onto the bed, meeting your lips for yet another feverish kiss. Reaching down, you wrapped your hand around his hardened shaft, pumping it a few times until he moaned and pulled away.

"Ride me?" he breathed, making your heart skip a beat.

You nodded, the two of you moving effortlessly together until you were positioned above his cock.

"C-Condom?" you asked, remembering how he had gotten one earlier.

"Fuck..." he dropped his head back, eyes following your wetness as it dripped onto the head of his cock, "I...You can say no but...I don't fucking want one."

"Me either," you confessed, prodding the very tip of him at your entrance.

"I trust you're clean?" he asked, watching you nod though he was fully aware that you could be lying, "Fuck, take me in, baby."

You did so without hesitation, the two of you groaning as you sunk down on him — walls stretching to accommodate his thick length. You rolled your hips against him, grinding your sensitive clit against his pelvic bone. Sighing in pleasure, you pulled yourself almost completely off before dropping back down.

Namjoon /whimpered/, gripping your hips as you eagerly began to ride him. You reached up, pinching your own nipples as you effortlessly moved. Your walls spasmed and clenched around him, the feeling of him stuffing you full intoxicating.

"Th-This is so fucking reckless," he choked out, knocking your hand away to cup one of your breasts, "I never...do it bare but fuck...I've never wanted it more."

"Y-You feel so good..." you whined, resting your hands against his chest for more leverage.

"That's it, good girl," he praised, pinching your nipple to make you cry out.

You could feel him throb inside you, obviously close. Your wetness coated his cock, dripping down his shaft to his balls. The fact you got so wet for him only turned him on more. He tightened his grip on you, urging you to quicken your pace.

You were more then happy to oblige, leaning down to pull him into yet another kiss as you rode him. Your thighs were burning, sore, but there was nothing in the world that could stop you in that moment.

"Gotta feel you cum around me," he panted, urging you to sit back up. You leaned back, putting your weight on his thighs.

"Please," you begged, biting your lip.

He watched the way your breasts bounced in time to your movements. He brought his thumb to his mouth, wetting the pad of it with a quick lick before pressing it against your little clit. Your eyes rolled back and he could feel you clench tighter around him, your mouth falling open in a silent moan.

"Cum on my cock, babygirl," he ground out, clenching his teeth to hold back his own orgasm, "Come on, do it for me, baby."

With a final, exuberant cry, you were cumming. Your walls spasmed and you trembled above him, nails digging into his thighs. He didn't mind, the sting only adding to the pleasure.

"Fuck, where can I cum?" he asked, voice tight was he forced himself to stop from blowing his load inside you.

"Inside, please, cum inside," you begged, resuming rolling your hips against him even though you were painfully sensitive from your own orgasm.

Namjoon let out a loud groan, "Fuck," as he came. His grip on your hips tightened as you felt the hot rush of his cum filling you up. It dripped from inside you, running down his shaft and making a mess but neither of you minded.

His hissed, "Stop, stop," until you stopped moving.

The two of you sat for several long minutes until you finally pulled off of him. His cum gushed out further but you only laid beside him, uncaring. He wrapped you up in his arms, and kissed the top of your head.

"I can't believe I did that..." he said, an almost gleeful chuckle escaping his lips.

"Y-You don't ever do it bare with...clients?" the word rolled awkwardly off your tongue.

He nodded, "It's not technically against policy but...it's urged. Some of the other guys order STD tests before a meeting so they can go bare but...I don't usually."

"Then why with me?" you asked, looking up at him through your lashes.

He was quiet for a moment, eyes analyzing your face, "I don't know. I think I'm addicted to you."

You were surprised by his words, eyes widening. He gave you a small smile and urged you to lay your head back down.

With his heartbeat pounding against his chest, you couldn't help but wonder what would happen when the 24 hours were up.

#bts smut #namjoon smut #rm smut #bts scenarios #namjoon scenarios #bts imagines #namjoon imagines #bts reactions #namjoon reactions #bts preferences #namjoon preferences #bts fanfic #namjoon fanfic #namjoon x reader #namjoon/reader

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kzuhadovey · 3 years

Text

all you want

character: bokuto x f!reader

type: fluff

warnings: -

song recommendations: beautiful - bazzi ft camila cabello

i should post fluff more lol-

The night wind felt light and soft against your face as you headed to the clubrooms. Training camp was an annual thing for your team- it helped them improve and also helped connections a lot. You were the manager of Karasuno, they were your pride and joy. Most of the boys had finished practice, but you knew that some of the boys were still awake. Coach Ukai had sent you to remind them to sleep- at 9 pm. You were in a short crop-top and sweatpants, hair slicked back into a bun. Your eyes caught sight of one of the courts still lit up and you sigh. You kind of hated interacting with the other teams- they were very intimidating.

“Hello!” You shouted, catching the boys’ attention. They all glanced at you- you recognized them, Tsukishima, Kuroo, Akaashi, and… “Eh? Who’s this?” The unfamiliar boy said. His jersey said that he was from Fukurodani- eh, he must have not introduced himself yet. “Ah! Hello! My name’s Y/N- I’m the manager of Karasuno.” You said quietly, bowing at the boy. He had fiery gray hair, with small streaks of black. His eyes were a sharp tone of honey and he had a cheerful smile on. “Anyways- you should all sleep. We all have a big day tomorrow, don’t spend all night practicing.” You said. Kuroo has a smug smirk on and Tsukishima- well his face is always flat. “It’s 9 PM. Let’s not spend all night practicing, alright?” You advise as you get ready to head out again. “Yes Y/N- we’ll finish up in a sec,” Akaashi says as he heads over to play again. Kuroo shoots you a wink and you roll your eyes- Kuroo did like to tease. “Good night!” You shout before walking out, ready to crawl in bed again. You of course, before heading out, couldn’t ignore the fact that the unfamiliar boy was ogling you- especially your face. You smile to yourself- he was nice.

“H-Hey hey hey! Y/N!”

You flinch at the voice. “Hello- fukurodani man.” You quietly say, turning around, being greeted by two bright yellow eyes. “Hi! My- my name’s Bokuto Koutarou, Captain of the Fukurodani volleyball team!” The boy shouts- making you chuckle awkwardly. Who the hell was this hyperactive man? “You’re… really pretty. Tomorrow comes and goes before you know- so I just had to let you know- I like you! You’re beautiful and even if I don’t know you a lot- I hope we can hang out more!” Bokuto blubbered. The gears in your head had to process before you let out an amused chuckle. “Thank you, Kou.” You said, and his cheeks redden instantly. “Here, let me give you my number. We can talk about the details over text.” You mutter, scratching down a number on his arm. He has big beefy arms- you just noticed that. “I’ll see you soon, Kou!” You say excitedly as you walk away from a flustered Bokuto. “Akaashi, she likes me too!!!”

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

“Baby!!” Bokuto’s shrill voice snaps you out of your thoughts and you immediately turn to greet your now boyfriend of 6 years. Ever since that tiny interaction in front of a simple court, you and Bokuto have been dating. You supported Bokuto throughout all of college and his decision to try and be a professional volleyball player. You adored him- he had the sweetest and liveliest soul, and not to mention all of his beautiful features. You were very lucky to have him. “Kou! Hi, hi, hi.” You quickly say as you collect your purse. “Let’s go- I have a tight schedule, my love,” Kotarou says as he pecks your cheek quickly and drags you somewhere. You were currently in Nekoma High School, why was he even here? “What are we doing here?” You ask as you observe the familiar interior of the school. You smiled softly to yourself as you reminiscence the old memories of your volleyball team. You missed them a lot. “Come, come, I have a surprise for you!” Bokuto says cheerily as he takes you to the area of the courts.

The pathway has slightly been modified. Moss grew on the walls and the old cement tiles were replaced with more sturdy ceramic tiles. “Woaah- I missed going here.” You muttered as Kou takes your hand and kisses it. “You remember this place? This exact place?” Bokuto asks curiously as you looked around cautiously. Of course, you remembered, this was the place where you met Bokuto for the first time. “How could I forget? This was when you- confessed.” You giggled at the memory of his words. Bokuto lets out a loud cough before sighing. “Give me a second, sorry-” Bokuto says nervously as he fumbles around his pockets. He finally pulls out a piece of paper and reads it out loud.

“Y/N. When I’m with you, I feel like I’m on Cloud 9. Every day, I thank God that I get to be with you and wake up next to you- and I feel the happiest when I’m with you. I want to drown in those beautiful eyes of yours, I want to talk with you endlessly while laying in your arms, I want you to be the one I come home to every night. I name the stars after our favorite memories- Like when we went skating! O-or when we did karaoke until our throats burned- I- I think I never want to spend a day apart from you anymore. I want to have a family with you- So- uhh- will you marry me?”

The last words were merely audible- what did he say? You observed him closer- he was crying already- and he sniffled every once in a while. He was staring at you, eyes wide open with fear and curiosity. “Did you say- will you marry me?” You finally creak out- not realizing that tears were pricking your eyes. “Y-yes.” Bokuto muttered, scratching his neck. Your heart was racing and thoughts circled your mind.

“Yeah. Sure, I’ll marry you.”

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

You smiled softly to yourself as you carried your daughter in your arms. “Okay! Go take a break guys!” The sound of the MSBY coach boomed throughout the court making you cringe a little before entering the court. “Hey everyone!” You greeted as you entered the court. The boys’ eyes all landed on you and your daughter. “UWAAA- LOOK AT MY NIECE ISN’T SHE SO PRETTY!!” Hinata shouts as he makes a run to hug your daughter. “Shoyo! Shhh- she’s gonna cry if you’re loud.” You scold, covering your clueless daughter’s ears. “Sorry! But can I hold her? Please?” Hinata asks, giving you puppy eyes. “I’m sorry these boys are being a hassle, Y/N.” Meian suddenly comes up behind you and picks up your child. “Hello, my dear. How are you?” Meian mutters as the baby smiles happily in his arms. “Hey! Let me carry her too! I’m her favorite uncle.” Atsumu hurriedly says as he heads over to Meian.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Bokuto says as he wraps his arms around your waist. “Kotaro! Hey!” You say excitedly as you peck him on the cheek. “Listen. I’m gonna be busy the whole day so can you take Ellie home today? Make sure she doesn't die, okay?” You ask, folding your arms. “Pssht- I can take care of Ellie,” Bokuto says nonchalantly. “I don’t want you to drop her again.” You say quickly as you take Ellie from Atsumu’s arms very suddenly. “I’ve sent you a list of what you should pick up from the grocery store today, and- if you need to clean Ellie’s diapers- remember- throw them-” “In a closed trash bin. Got it. I love you, baby. I’ll take care of it.” Bokuto says as he kisses your cheek. “Now- go to your meeting- I’ll be home soon, my love.” You sigh contently as you put Ellie in Bokuto’s arms. This was all you wanted.

A/N: this was a little messy :(( sorry !!

#bokuto #bokuto kotarou #bokuto kotaro #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x f!reader #haikyuu x female reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x you #haikyu x y/n #bokuto x reader #bokuto x y/n #bokuto x female!reader #chaotictsukki

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harryhooksgazebos267 · 4 years

Text

Our Happy Ending~ Bang Chan x Reader

Paring: Bang Chan x reader

Genre: Fluff;Angst

Warnings: Cursing, sad stuff lol

A/N: Text in italics are flashbacks

MASTERLIST

You felt yourself shiver as the cold winter air blew around you. The black jacket you had on was barely doing its job. Once again, you found yourself here. Everyday for a week, you would come here for hours and hours. The snow and quiet, being the only thing that gave you peace.

“Y/n?” You heard a voice call out to you softly.

Turning your head, you saw Jihyo walking towards you, carrying an umbrella to shield herself from the snow.

"Jihyo? What are you doing here?” You question.

“I was worried about you. Y/n, you can’t keep doing this to yourself, you know he wouldn’t want you to.”

“I know,” You whisper, feeling tears begin to pool in your eyes.

“Here,” She states while pulling out a pack of hand warmers.

“Thank you.”

“Have you eaten today?”

“No,” You say, getting ready to hear her scold you.

“Y/n,” She sighs.

“I know, I know. I just haven’t been hungry,” You defend, avoiding her worried eyes.

“How are you doing?” She asks while positioning the umbrella so the two of you were covered from the snow.

“I’m doing fine,” You choke out while trying to hold back your tears.

“No one is expecting you to be alright 24/7 Y/n. It’s okay to not be fine,” She says softly while also tearing up.

“If I cry, it’ll just make things more real.”

All of a sudden, Jihyo pulls you into a hug. Not being able to hold them in any longer, you began to cry into Jihyo’s shoulder, grasping onto her like your life depended on it.

“Shhh, shhh, it’s going to be okay,” Jihyo comforts while stroking your hair. You hear her sniffle as she begins crying with you.

“It hurts, it hurts so fucking much,” You cry out.

“I know it does, just let it out,” She encourages, her voice equally as shaky as yours. The two of you stay in each other's arms for what seems like hours. After calming down a bit, you finally pull away.

“I can’t believe he’s actually gone,” you whisper.

”I know it’s only been a week but why does it feel like he’s been gone for years?” Jihyo questions while shaking her head, feeling a fresh batch of tears forming.

“I miss him, I miss him so damn much.”

Jihyo hums in agreement.

“I wish we would go back in time to when we were in high school. When we were young and had no cares in the world,” you state, thinking back to the old days.

“Do you remember the first time you met him? What were we, 16?” She questioned, laughing a little at the memory. You felt yourself smile for the first time in a while as you thought back to that day.

“Jihyo, wait up!” You yell as you rush to catch up to the girl in front of you.

“Hurry up, we’re gonna be late!” She calls back, not slowing down at all.

The two of you were doing your usual routine of walking to school. Only today, you had overslept so you were running a little late. Putting more pep in your step, you quickly catch up to your friend.

“If we’re late, I’m going to end you,” Jihyo told you while shaking her head.

“Just tell Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung to cover for us or something,” you wheeze, out of breath from how fast you both were walking.

“Whatever,” She mumbles out while picking up her pace. After about five minuets, you arrive at school.

“Ten minutes to spare! See, I told you we wouldn’t be late,” you remarked while bumping into Jihyo.

“You’re lucky we weren’t.”

“Oh you wouldn’t have-”

All of a sudden, you felt your body run into something hard and you fell flat on the ground.

“Oh I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” You heard a voice call out.

“Yeah, yeah I’m, woah, you’re hot,” You breathe out once you see the dreamy stranger who you ran into, causing him to laugh.

“I mean I’m fine! Um sorry, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going,” You apologize while bowing your head.

“Ah don’t apologize, it was my fault! I’m Bang Chan,” he introduces himself with a big smile as he stuck his hand out.

“Y/n,” you say while extending your hand to shake his.

“Chan, hurry up mate!” A deep voice suddenly calls out.

“Calm down Felix, I’m coming,” he laughs out before directing his attention back to you, “well it was nice meeting you. Sorry again, hopefully I’ll see you around!”

And with that, he was gone.

“Woah, you’re hot,”Jihyo mocked, causing you to slap her playfully.

“Oh shut up, we’re gonna be late.”

“I wish you could have seen your face when you first saw him. It was priceless! I’ve never seen you blush so hard.”

“He was hot and I was a horny teenager, what do you expect?” You joke, causing Jihyo to laugh.

“You know, he never let me live that down,” You add.

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

“Oh remember the time when we were at lunch and he came over asking us to go to that party at Hyunjin’s house,” You bring up, cringing at the memory.

“Oh my god, how could I forget,” She gasps while trying to hold in her laughter.

“Sana get off,” Tzuyu complained while shoving the smaller girl off of her.

“Just let me love you,” Sana sang while trying to kiss Tzuyu’s cheek.

“Get a room you two,” Jihyo jokes while throwing a carrot at them.

“Now, back to what I was saying before I was rudely interrupted,” Dahyun states while glaring at Sana, Jihyo, and Tzuyu. You drowned them all out as you were lost in thought. Ever since that day in the hallway, you couldn’t stop running into Chan. It was like now that you knew he existed, he was everywhere. At first, you tried to avoid him at all cost but after a while, the two of you began to talk. It wasn’t anything deep but still, talking to him was definitely the highlight of your days. You were currently scanning the lunch room for the 100th time looking for Mr. Dimples.

“Y/n are you even listening to my story?”

“What? Uh sorry, what were you saying?”

“Don’t mind her guys, she’s just in love,” Jihyo teased.

“Jihyo you weren’t supposed to say anything,” You whined.

“Our little y/n is in love?” Nayeon gasped out.

“Who’s the lucky guy? Or girl, we don’t judge,” Momo stated, leaning in closer to you.

“It’s umm, ᵇᵃⁿᵍ ᶜʰᵃⁿ,” You mumbled out.

“Y/n,” All the girls groan out.

“It doesn’t even matter,” You say, feeling your cheeks grow red.

“IT’S BANG CHAN SHE LIKES BANG CHAN!” Jihyo yells at the top of her lungs, catching most of the cafeteria's attention.

“Oh my god Jihyo,” You gasp, looking around the room.

“Oh my gosh you like Chan?” Sana gushes with a huge smile on her face.

“Awww that’s so cute,” Chaeyoung adds on.

“I wouldn’t even say I like him, I’m just infatuated with him,” You defend.

“How do you even know him? Do you have a class with him?” Momo asks.

“No, I just ran into him by accident in the hallway. I see him around occasionally but that’s it.”

“Oh my gosh, I wish you guys were there! It was so funny, she called him hot,” Jihyo said, causing you to turn as red as a tomato.

“Jihyo stoooop.”

“You called him hot?” Jeongyeon laughed out.

“Guys, guys, he’s coming walking over here,” Mina squeals, causing all the girls to freak out.

“Are you fucking with me,” You question, mentally freaking out.

“I’m being deadass,” Mina states.

“Oh my god,” You whisper to yourself, putting your face in your hands.

“Hey girls,” You hear Chan’s cheery voice greet your table. Everyone greets him back, well everyone except you. To say you were modified would be an understatement.

“Hey y/n,” Chan calls out, causing you to look up at him with a tight smile on your face.

“Heyyyyy.”

“I umm, I couldn’t help but overhear Jihyo say someone likes me?”

“No she didn’t!” You rush out before any of the other girls could answer.

Real smooth, that definitely makes you look less suspicious.

“Y/n that was such a funny joke,” Nayeon says while fake laughing, “Jihyo definitely said someone at this table likes you.”

You stared at her with wide eyes, feeling betrayed. You looked at Jeongyeon with pleading eyes which caused her to sigh.

“Nayeon, don’t lie to Chan! Jihyo never said that,” She says with a forced smile on her face.

“Well, hypothetically speaking if someone does like me at this table, and it’s the someone I think it is, I hope they know that I, again, hypothetically speaking, like them to,” Chan says while looking directly at you.

“Anyway, my friends and I are throwing a party on Friday if you wanna come! It’s gonna be at Hyunjins house, I’ll text Sana his address. You don’t have to if you don’t want to but umm it would be really cool if you all came.”

“Oh we’ll be there,” Sana says with a huge smile.

“Okay awesome! I’ll see you guys later!” Chan said, clearly excited.

Waiting until he walked away, all the girls began to freak out.

“Oh my god y/n!!!”

“He soooo likes you!”

“He literally just said that dummy!”

“Our little y/n is growing up!”

“Will you all be quiet!” You yell, growing embarrassed.

“Jeongyeon I can’t believe you told him Jihyo didn’t say that,” Nayeon scolded.

“That’s why Jeongyeon is my favorite yeon,” You state while shrugging your shoulders.

“I cannot believe you just said that,” Nayeon gasped in fake hurt.

“Ladies, ladies, ladies, let us not fight. We have more important matters to deal with, like getting y/n ready for the best party of her life,” Sana gushed out.

“I have never felt so embarrassed in my life,” you muttered while shaking your head.

“Hey it might have been embarrassing but at least it worked out for you. You have to admit, if I didn’t yell that at lunch, the two of you probably wouldn’t have ended up together,” Jihyo pointed out.

“Yeah, that’s true. I guess I should thank you for getting us together.”

“Finally, it only took you six years to say,” she says while rolling her eyes playfully.

“I can’t believe it’s been six years,” you mutter to yourself while shaking your head. Jihyo hums in agreement.

“Y/n, it’s freezing outside, we should get you home.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“Y/n,” Jihyo sighs out.

“Please just let me stay here a little longer,” You plead.

“You’ve already been here for hours, you can come back tomorrow. It’s already 6 p.m,” She says while lightly grabbing your arm.

It was already 6? Have you really been here that long?

“Y/n, please. Everyone is worried for you, just come home. All the girls and guys are there. We don’t want you to be alone.”

After thinking for a few seconds, you slowly nod your head. Jihyo takes your hand and begins to lead you away from his snowy grave. Soon, you two were driving down the icy road.

“Do you want the radio on,” Jihyo asks while glancing at you.

“Sure,” You say while leaning your head in the window.

A couple of songs play but you don’t really pay attention to them, too lost in your thoughts. One song did catch your attention though.

“The next song was requested by one of our listeners. It’s Shoot me by Day6!”

“Just shoot me, shoot me,” Chan was singing at the top of his lungs causing you to die of laughter.

“Oh my god my ears can’t take it anymore,” You say while dramatically holding your ears.

“Is my beautiful voice not serenading you?” He questioned with mock hurt in his voice.

“Yeah it’s a no from me love,” you say acting like an Britain's Got Talent judge.

“Wait, if you don’t like it I can sing another song,” Chan pleads, playing along.

“No, no that’s alright. Next!”

“Wait hold on, ummm I can sing Queen! Everyone likes Queen! Mama ohhhhhohhhhhh I don’t wanna die! Sometimes I wish I’d never been born at allllll!!”

“SECURITY!” You yell while the two of you laugh your asses off. Chan then tackles you and begins to smother you with kisses.

“Ahhh Chan stop I can’t breath,” You laugh out while trying to push him off.

“Don’t reject my love,” He says while continuing his attack.

“You’re gonna give me cooties,” You cry out.

“Oh no not cooties!” He gasps while laughing and resting his head on your stomach.

“I’m tired now, entertaining you takes a lot of energy,” He yawns out.

“No it doesn’t, you literally could just show me a picture of a banana and I would laugh.”

“What the-”

“Less talking, more cuddling.”

Finally, you made it back to your home.

“Hopefully, it doesn’t look like a tornado went through it,” Jihyo joked, trying to lift your mood. You give her a small smile as you enter your apartment.

“Y/n,” Hyunjin calls out once he sees you. When you locked eyes, you couldn’t keep it together and started crying. He immediately rushed to you and pulled you into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” You apologize while pulling away, quickly wiping your tears.

“Don’t apologize, it’s okay to cry,” Hyunjin says while he puts his hand on your shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. After greeting everyone, you take a seat on your couch. You sit in between Minho and Sana while everyone else kind of spreads themselves around the living room. For most of the night, you had avoided the topic of Chan at all cost. Nobody wanting to open up fresh wounds. That was until Felix brought him up on accident.

“Oh my god, Chan would have killed us if he saw us do that,” He laughed before realizing what he said. Everyone went quiet, thinking about their friend.

“You know what, I can’t do this anymore,” Felix cries out while pulling on his hair.

“You can’t do what?” Mina questions.

“This! I can’t keep pretending that Chan never existed just because it hurts to talk about. We’re going to have to talk about him one way or another. We can’t erase him from our life.”

Again, the room falls silent.

“Do you guys remember the one time, we all went to Disney World and Chan freaked out because Jeongin, Dahyun, and Minho went missing? I swear on my life I’ve never seen him so scared,” Changbin brings up, causing everyone to laugh at the memory.

“Yeah and then he threatened to make us wear those backpacks with the leashes on them,” Dahyun says with a found smile on her face.

“He was always so worried about us like we were his own kids,” Jeongin adds on.

“Or do you remember that time, it was Y/n and his’s three year anniversary and instead of going out, he wanted to set up his own restaurant and he had Jisung as the waiter and Seungmin singing while the rest of us acted like we were other customers,” Momo reminisced.

“Oh my gosh that was such a mess,”You say with a hug smile.

“I can’t believe Changbin asked for the manager because his food was cold,” Sana laughed out as tears of happiness formed in her eyes.

“Chan was so pissed,” Jeongyeon said while shaking her head at the memory. Again, a wave of silence filled the room.

“Did any of you know?” You suddenly asked out of the blue.

“Know what?” Seungmin questioned.

“Did any of you know he was sick?”

“Y/n,” Jihyo sighs out while tilting her head to the side quickly.

“Wait a second, Jihyo you knew? And you didn’t tell me? What the hell is wrong with you?”

Jihyo looked down, feeling ashamed. You scanned the room and saw everyone mirroring her expression.

“You have to fucking be kidding me! Are you serious? You all knew?”

You honestly couldn’t put into words how hurt and betrayed you felt.

“You have to understand that Chan made us promise not to tell you. He told us that he wanted to do it himself but I guess he just never got the chance to,” Nayeon trailed off, avoiding your hurt eyes.

You rubbed your mouth with your hand as your legs shook.

“I knew Bang Chan was never going to tell you,” Felix admitted.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Changbin asked.

“It was a couple of days before he died. He had pulled me aside and he told me that things had been getting worse and he didn’t think he had much time left. He umm, he told me that he still hadn’t told you and that he honestly didn’t think he would ever have the heart to tell you. I’m sorry y/n.”

“And you still didn’t think to tell me after that?”

The air grew very tense in the room. No one knowing what to say or do.

“You know what, get out,” You coldly told everyone.

“What?” Sana asked in disbelief.

“You fucking heard me, I said get out! All of you!”

“You know what Y/n, you aren’t the only person hurting! I wish I didn’t know that Chan was dying. How do you think that felt? To know your best friend is dying and there is nothing you can do. How do you think it felt to feel on edge every time you hung out with him, thinking that this could be the last time you’ll ever get to see him. Stop being so selfish. I get it, Chan and you were dating. You were in love but are you seriously that blind that you can’t see the rest of us are hurting just as much as you!” Felix ranted causing you to laugh bitterly.

“If I’m so fucking selfish, why the hell are you even here? Just get the fuck out!” You yell while storming out of the room and rushing to your bedroom. Once inside, you lock your door and throw yourself onto your bed and cry your eyes out. After a few minutes, you hear a knock on your door.

“Go away,” You yell at the person, not having the strength to fight anymore.

“Y/n, it’s Jeongyeon, please open up.”

After thinking about it for a few seconds, you decided to open the door. You move out of her way and allow her to sit down on your bed as you shut your door. You move to sit next to her.

“Come here,” She says while holding her arms out so she could hold you.

“You know that Felix didn’t mean that, he’s just going through a lot right now. We all are. He feels really bad about it, he actually sent me up here to talk to you. No one thinks you’re selfish, he just said that in the heat of the moment.”

“Maybe he was right though, all I’ve done is think about myself. I haven’t even stopped to ask how you guys are doing,” You mumble out, guilt beginning to eat you up.

“Y/n you’re grieving, we can’t expect you to be worrying about others. You need to worry about yourself and your health.”

You pull away from Jeongyeon as you debated if you should bring up your thoughts or not.

“Do you...do you want to know what the last thing I said to Chan was?” You question, wanting to get your feelings off of your chest.

“Sure.”

“The last thing I told him was that I hated him. We umm, we had gotten into an argument a couple days before he died and I told him I hated him.”

The night had been extremely long. Chan and you had been arguing for about an hour. The two of you had gone back and forth, shouting hurtful words at each other and it was honestly so draining. Currently, Chan was sitting down on your couch while you paced back and forth in front of him on a mini rant.

“Y/n, please stop yelling, I don’t have the energy to deal with this tonight. Can’t we just go to bed and we’ll talk about it in the morning,” Chan signed out while rubbing his head.

“No Chan, this isn’t something we can just “push off” and talk about in the morning,” You fumed, growing more frustrated by the second.

“Baby-”

“Don’t fucking “baby” me Chan, where the hell have you been going? I’m tired of you lying to me!”

Chan sat there quietly, avoiding your eyes.

“Are you, are you cheating on me?” You ask, the question eating you up. This causes Chan’s eyes to go wide as he quickly stood up and reached out for you, only for you to take a step back.

“Y/n, I’m not cheating on you!”

“Then where have you been going?”

“I...I can’t tell you...”

“Why? Why can’t you tell me?”

“BECAUSE I JUST CAN’T! LET IT GO ALREADY! I...I don’t understand why you can’t just trust me.”

“How am I supposed to trust you when all you do is lie?”

“You know what? Fine, don’t trust me, I honestly don’t even fucking care anymore,” Chan said while getting up from the couch as he gathered his stuff.

“Fine, if you don’t care then neither do I! Fuck it, why don’t we just break up? Since I clearly can’t trust you and since you just “don’t care” anymore!”

“Are you fucking serious? Stop being such a damn baby,” Chan shot back, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m the baby? You’re the one who is acting like a child and can’t own up to what he’s been doing. What’s the point in hiding it anymore? Just say it! Just say “Y/n, I’m fucking someone else. I know I wasn’t man enough to say it before, but I’m gonna say it now.” It’s not that damn hard!”

“Oh my fucking god I already told you I’m not cheating on you! Do you really think that low of me that you think I would do that to you?”

“Yes, I fucking do! You haven’t given me any reason to believe that you wouldn’t!”

“Y/n, there’s some things I just can’t tell you right now! Why can’t you just believe me?”

“Because all you do is lie to me Chan, how am I supposed to believe you?”

Chan laughed bitterly while shaking his head.

“There is so much going on right now Y/n, I just, I can’t deal with this right now. If you believe me, great. If you don’t, then you don’t. I don’t really know what you want me to say,” He said, trying to keep his voice calm.

“You can’t deal with this right now? You know what, fine. Go, I don’t even care anymore. I fucking hate you,” You hissed out, shooting him an icy glare.

“Whatever,” He scoffed while giving you one more glance before walking away and slamming your door, leaving you all alone.

“Actually, after that he wouldn’t stop texting and calling me but I was so angry at him, I ignored him. It was such a dumb fight and I should have believed him. I shouldn’t have ignored all his text saying he was sorry and that he loved me. I shouldn’t have ignored his calls. I was so selfish. I...I wish I could have told him how much I loved him. I wish I could have told him how much he meant to me and that I could never hate him. I wish he could have held me one more time and I wish I could have kissed him one last time. I had been such a bitch to him and that’s the last memory the two of us had together. He was going through so much and I just made him suffer even more. That kills me, Jeongyeon. It kills me to know that I wasn’t there for him when he needed me the most,” You cry out, guilt eating you up. You had so many regrets. So many things you wanted to do over but you couldn’t.

“Y/n, you can’t beat yourself up over that. You didn’t know, you reacted in the same way any one of us would have reacted,” She said, trying to comfort you.

“I wonder if he grew to hate me. I wonder if he was mad at me for not responding to him, I wonder if he was mad at me for not being with him on the days he needed me the most.”

“Y/n of course he didn’t hate you! He could never hate you and you know that. I’m going to be honest with you Y/n. He probably felt guilty. Guilty knowing that the last memory you would have pf him was such a bad one. Guilty knowing how much it was going to hurt you once he was gone. Maybe he felt a little glad to. Maybe he thought that if you were mad enough, when he died it would hurt a little less. Honestly, we’ll never know what he was thinking or feeling.”

“I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel so lost without him,” You confess.

“Y/n, there was something Felix wanted me to give you. He said that the day before Chan died, he had given it to Felix and told him to give it to you once he passed away,” She said while handing you a DVD.

“I think it’ll be better if you watched it by yourself.”

You nod your head while Jeongyeon gave you one more hug before standing up.

“If you need anything just call me. I’ll be here in a heartbeat, I love you.”

“Love you too,” and with that she was gone. You took a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself down before playing the video. Finally, you switched your TV’s input and turned on your DVD player. Taking the DVD out of the case, you put it in the player and sat back down on your bed, pressing play.

“Hey baby girl! If you’re watching this, well I guess that means things didn’t turn out too good and I’m already gone. I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to tell you everything. I...I couldn’t stand to see you cry. I know I probably ended up hurting you more in the end by lying to you but I just, I couldn’t tell you. I want you to know that I love you so fucking much. I know the last conversation we had didn’t end well...hey maybe we’ll make up! But right now, with the way my health is going, I highly doubt I’ll live long enough for us to make up. That....that ummm, I’m sorry,” he laughs awkwardly while fighting back tears.

“That hurts me so much to know that the very last thing you’ll remember is me being a lying asshole. I just couldn’t tell you. I know I should have, that would have been the perfect time to tell you but I was scared. But Y/n, I don’t want that to be the only thing you think about. I don’t want you to think about all the arguments we had, I want you to think about all the good times. You remember the time I went to your house at like 1 am and you snuck out of your house and we drove to the beach that was like an hour away. Oh my god that was so much fun! You were complaining that the water was too cold so I picked you up and threw you into the ocean. The look on your face was priceless,” He laughed out with a found smile on his face.

“Y/n, I wish I could have been a better boyfriend. I know we had more ups than downs but you honestly deserved so much better. I’m so sorry for all the pain that I’ve put you through and I hope one day you can forgive me. I want you to know that whatever happens, I’m always gonna be with you. I’m always going to support and love you, wherever I end up being. I hope that you find happiness Y/n. You have to promise me that you wont shut yourself off from the world. I know when you’re sad you tend to do that but you have to promise me you won't. Promise me that you’ll get up early in the morning and you won't sleep all day. Promise me you’ll eat three meals a day, that you’ll go outside, that’ll you keep hanging out with our friends. Promise me....promise me that’ll you’ll move on from me and you won't hold on forever. Promise me that you’ll meet someone you love and you’ll get married to them and have lots of kids and that you grow old together. Promise me you’ll find someone who will get to do the things with you that I won't be able to.”

Chan pauses for a second, trying to pull himself together.

“Y/n, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to thank you for always being there for me. I’ve never met a person who makes me as happy as you do. You are so beautiful and so funny. Whenever you smile, I smile. Whenever you laugh, I laugh. When you cry, I cry. I’ve never felt so connected to a person as I do with you. I honestly can’t put into words how much you mean to me baby. I feel like I’m just rambling now so I guess I should end this video here but, before I end it, I wanted to share something with you. I’m a little embarrassed but I uh, I wrote you a song. I know it’s silly so if you don’t want to hear it, you can just turn off the video. If you decided to do that, just know that I love you so much and I never stopped loving you. Umm, if you decided to stay, I guess I’ll start singing it,” He nervously laughed while grabbing his laptop and connecting it to speakers. Taking a deep breath, he began to sing.

I wish our ending

Wouldn’t be a sad one

If only we didn’t have to end up in tears

When we remember this moment..

Want Happy Ending

If that is not possible,

Become a most painful scar for me

If it reminds me of you

I will gladly embrace the pain

Will you do that for me?

When I see the fragile you

I forget my long sorrow for a moment

I want to rest in your arms once more

I can’t help my desire for you

Surpassing my ever-growing fear

I want to see how you’d look in the dazzling winter too

If that is not possible,

Remember me by this moment

Our night is sadly beautiful

And flower petals rain down

Our Happy Ending

“Well, I hope you liked it,” He choked out, trying not to cry.

“I love you so much and I’m so sorry. I hope one day we’ll get to see each other again. Uhh, please stay safe and healthy and happy. I love you,” He said one last time while giving the camera a little wave while he smiled sadly. And that was it.

Your entire body was shaking as you cried silently to yourself. Hearing his voice again made you miss him all over again. All you wanted to do was hug him and tell him how much you loved his song and how much you loved him, but you couldn’t. A part of you did feel some type of closure from watching the video yet another part of you just couldn’t let go of Chan. You knew that for him you needed to be strong but it was so hard being strong. You couldn’t do it, not without Chan. Maybe one day you would be strong, maybe one day you would have it in you to do what he asked. Maybe one day you would be able to feel something other than regret, sadness, and guilt.

“I wish we could have had a happy ending Chan,” You whisper to yourself as you lay down on your bed, covering yourself with your blanket. The warmth of it giving you a fake sense of security.

“Chan, if you can hear me, I want you to know that I’m also really sorry. I should have just trusted you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. I’m sorry I can’t do everything you want me to but I promise I’ll do better. Maybe not anytime soon but I will someday. Tomorrow I'll probably just go back to your grave and talk to you like a crazy person,” You say while laughing a little as you wipe your tears.

“I love you so much. I wish I could have told you that before you left. I hope you know how much I did. That’s going to be the first thing I tell you when I see you again. It’ll be pretty awkward if when I die, you and my side hoe meet. That’ll be a sticky situation,” You joked while taking a deep breath.

“I’m a little tired now so I think I’m gonna go to sleep now. Thank you for making that video, I can’t express to you how much I needed it. You bet your ass I’m going to be listening to that song on repeat while I eat Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I miss you so much, maybe I’ll dream of you tonight. Goodnight Chan,” You say while closing your eyes. For the first time in awhile, you felt at peace in your home. It was almost as if he was with you then, calming you down and luling you to sleep. After a few more minutes, you drifted off into a peaceful sleep with happy memories of Chan and you swirling in your head.

Link to the song: (This isn’t the original, the original is sung by IU) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHoWsFkYa1E

A/N: So....how did you guys like this? Idk how I fee about it :/

MASTERLIST

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sanderssideswriting · 4 years

Text

Youtuber Life Chapter 1

Based off this post

Ships: familial sleepxiety and eventual Prinxiety

Words:???

first next

Summary: Remy Sanders is a famous beauty vlogger and just moved to LA with his teenage son Virgil after their location was leaked by fans. Remy AKA CoffeeAddiction has several million subscribers. Virgil also has a secret Drama channel, where he doesn’t show his face and uses a voice modifier. He just hit a million subs and grows more everyday because of the level of production his videos have, the mystery around who he is and the fact that he ALWAYS has the latest information regarding youtube drama.

The house was pretty big, it wasn't where most youtuber houses where but it also wasn’t to far. Remy was already vlogging about the new house.

“This is my new house, there will be a house tour later, this time I’ll be making sure you guys can’t find it. I love y’all but I don’t love it when people find out where I live and then put it on the internet. I like my privacy, well the little I have left and I’d like to keep it that way. See you soon babes,” and the camera was turned off.

the first thing they set up was the basement, where Remy filmed almost everything with another room to do voiceovers and editing.

Virgil and Remy had a pretty good time decorating the house and it turned out really nice.

Then school started.

Virgil was dreading it, to say the least, he did NOT want to be the new kid. Being the new id sucks, everyone wants to know everything about you. And Virgil tended to avoid talking about his personal life for obvious reasons. But the kids at his school wouldn’t know that.

Then he found out it would be private school.

“Dad! There’ll be fake stoners! They’re worse then real stones! Plus everyone will be stuck up and annoying! I’ll have to wear a uniform!” He complained.

“They have a Starbucks in the cafeteria,” Remy said.

Virgil shut up.

The first day of school came and Virgil did indeed have to wear a uniform, it wasn’t that terrible, but he still hated it simply because it was a uniform.

At school he was given his schedule and a map and left to find his own way to class. He was only ten minutes late to the first one and five minute to every one after that.

At lunch there was no Starbucks apart from stuff in bottles, Virgil bought two anyway but texted his dad.

V: you lied about the Starbucks Remy: Technically they DO have Starbucks V: not the good kush Remy: It’s cold and it has caffeine and the logo V: you’d never drink it Remy: I can afford not to V: so can I, just can’t get any atm Remy: pay attention in class V: it’s lunch Remy: make friends! Or like idk make a sarcastic tweet on Twitter, apparently texting your dad isn’t very cool with the kids these days V: it would be if they knew that YOU’RE my dad Remy: go drink coffee or something, I need to edit

“Hey! You’re new right?” A boy with light brown hair and round glasses asked sitting down.

Virgil nodded.

“I’m Patton Foster and this is Logan Berry, our other friend Roman Prince is coming he’s meeting with a teacher,” Patton said.

“Virgil Sanders,” Virgil said.

Patton and Logan seemed to take that as their queue to sit down with him.

“Where did you move from?” Patton asked.

“Atlanta.”

“Cool! Why did you move here?” Patton asked trying to make conversation.

“My dads job,” Virgil said.

His phone buzzed, he best friend Janus and Remus had snapped him.

It was a basic snap saying “how’s LA treating you? See Jake Paul yet?”

Virgil texted them back.

Racoon: lol not yet, but I’m sure it’ll be soon Hiss hiss motherfucker: yeah, they’re like an infestation Raccoon: ouch Dukey: How’s the Starbucks at your fancy rich kid school? Racoon: A fucking lie, at this rate I’ll be drinking the bang they have Hiss hiss motherfucker: ew, no don’t Racoon: I know Dukey: Seen any stoners or druggies yet? Racoon: saw a few fake ones, including one kid asking everyone if they’d sell him their Adderall Dukey: weakass stoners Racoon: you have ADHD not a drug problem Remus, you’re not a stoner Dukey: I could be Hiss hiss motherfucker: well you’re not, so shut the fuck up Hiss hiss motherfucker: there’s a new pallet coming out in a few weeks... Racoon: Not doing it, it’ll be hard enough to get one, get your own Hiss hiss motherfucker: at least tell me how you LAWAYS get them Racoon: lol no

Janus sent a lovely picture of his middle finger

Virgil did the same, but with his face in it.

“Hey, you’re the new kid right?” Another guy said sitting down, Roman probably.

“Unfortunately, Virgil Sanders.”

“Roman Prince, your name sounds familiar,” Roman said.

Virgil shrugged “no idea why,”

“Where are you from?”

“Atlanta, isn’t that cool Roman!” Patton said.

“That’s how I know you! My twin Remus Duke, I think he’s told me about you before,” Roman said.

Virgil took a picture of Roman and sent it to Remus.

Racoon: you know him? Dukey: yeah, he’s my twin, why? Racoon: first of all you have a TWIN? I thought you where an only child. Dukey: child of divorce here, yeah we still talk. Small world ig Racoon: and you told him about me? Dukey: yeah, so? Or are you to stuck up to have people talk about you? Racoon: fuck off, or I’ll do your channel next Disgrace Dukey: try me bitch

“Yeah no, your right, Remus just didn’t say he was a fucking twin for some reason,” Virgil said.

Roman looked pretty offended at that. Virgil smirked “now I know why Remus says ‘offended princey noises’ all the time.”

“That fiend says what?” Roman demanded.

“Don’t hurt yourself Princey.”

The bell rang and Virgil made a quick exit.

At home he got in and saw the Filming light by the basement door was on. He opened the door anyway. “Has the espresso machine been unpacked? Also you fucking lied! There was no Starbucks!”

“Filming! Read the fucking sign, of course it was unpacked and it’s your fault for thinking it was a rich, rich kid school. Why the fuck would they have an actual Starbucks in the cafeteria? What did you learn today? And get me some espresso if you’re going to make some.”

“Fake stoners are worse then real stoners and they can go fuck themselves,” Virgil said before closing the door to get some espresso, which he promptly mixed into his coffee.

“People have been begging me to do an update on this so here it is. Trisha Paytas and DID, sorry it hasn’t been done yet but I’ve been getting new equipment and also moving stuff around so I can have a bigger space to edit and record. So we all know she’s faking, I’ve actually been doing research, not a ton, I’m not an expert but I have been learning. Not only to debunk Trisha but just understand DID more because I’m very uneducated and want to change that. DID is a very serious condition and Trish is not portraying it well or even describing it, she is describing things everyone does. Such as living in America and going to England, everyone’s accent naturally changes over time, you act differently around people. Those are not alters, that has nothing to do with DID. Let’s get into the video so I can correct more but not everything because I’m not an expert. “That’s it for today, I can’t take anymore stupidity so I’ll see you next week for another episode of “What the fuck did she say now?”

#sander sides #parent Remy #teen virgil #teen roman #teen patton #teen logan #teen Deceit #teen Janus #teen Remus #creativitwins #au #human au #youtuber #famous

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

Text

here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao

i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]

and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on

anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are

informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that

anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time

can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop

so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”

i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored

naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything

and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay

anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is

#me and ''Disappointed and a lil bored'' out here #round of applause from me to me....like the time i stumbled across the Source Media for some preview i remembered from a blockbuster vhs #like 20 yrs ago or whatever like ''am i making this sort of Distinctive memory up or modifying one to hell and back / combining them'' like #no i was not but it sure took me a While to mostly coincidentally find it via watching a list on youtube of like. partially Lost or just rly #obscure niche shit....it'd been a preview for a pc game for an ye olde disney series i'd never heard of in my life #anyways the point is it'd been something *i'd* been searching around for intermittently for a good while and managed to find and it was like #hooray but also i realize it's hardly relevant to like. much of anyone else but oh well good for me

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skiesoftwilight · 5 years

Text

Forever Star-Crossed (Jason Todd)

This was a pain in the ass to write! but like a good, challenging pain in the ass lmao. I’ve had this request in my inbox and I believe it was like the second or first one and I’m now just putting it out??? (Anon, I’m sorry.) I had such a straightforward plot, but I guess I struggle with too many specifics?? I don’t know. Also, I didn’t realize it until I was almost done with it, but the plot is kind of like the Great Gatsby, but my writing can do no justice to that amazing story. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy! Especially the Anon who requested it, if you’re still out there lol :)

Requested by: Anon

hey I love your writing! I saw requests were open and I was wondering if you could write something where jay is best friends with a girl and he’s secretly in love with her but she’s dating Hal (the green lantern protege? I’m not 100% sure thats his name?) and he stops by her window one day only to see her baking cookies and dancing around in the kitchen with Hal listening to painkiller by ruel and being a cute couple and its just him being all angsty

Word Count: 6432

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

The soft clicking of your heels against the pavement rang throughout the dark and desolate city streets of Gotham. The few people that had dared to come out at this time of night were watching you carefully, sizing you up to see what kind of threat you posed if any. You ignored their mysterious gazes and continued on with your phone conversation.

“What’s the plan for dinner?” You asked. A yawn crept up on you and escaped from between your lips. “I just got off work and I’m starving.”

“I don’t know. I just home myself,” A deep sigh fell from his mouth on the other end, “Do you want me to come get you? I’m still dressed, I don’t—”

“I’ll be just fine walking,” A soft laugh fell from your lips as your watchful gaze surveyed the area around you, “I swear you forget who you’re dealing with from time to time.”

A deep chuckle sounded from the other line, “You’re right. Sorry. I guess I’ll be seeing you soon then?”

“Yeah, give me about fifteen minutes,” Your lips curled at the edges, “Maybe when I get home, we can—”

A hand had clamped down on your shoulder from behind and jerked you backward, making you stumble. A gasp fell from your lips and your eyes grew wide as you watched a lonesome thug tug on the strap of your purse, yanking it from your shoulder ripping it from your grasp. The minute he pulled your purse free, he took off down the street, making a hard right into an alley.

“(Y/N)? Hey, what happened?” His voice rose with worry laced into his tone, “(Y/N)!”

“I’m still here,” A shaky breath left your lips as you stood up straight. Your gaze hardened as you leaned down to tighten the straps on your heels. “A damn thug just stole my purse…I’ll have to call you back; I’ll be home a little later than expected.”

Before he could speak another word, you ended the call and ran after the thug. All you could focus on was finding the thief and getting your purse back; it was a gift from your father after all.

Coming upon the alley that the thug had turned down, you stopped yourself and took a deep breath before marched right down the dimly lit path. Your eyes narrowed, watching every shadow move as you walked. Your fists were clenched and your whole body tense; you were ready for a fight.

The sound of rats scurrying across the street pulled your attention towards a flickering light above a dumpster. You caught sight of a body laying on top of the trash bags, not moving. Slowly approaching the body, you realized it was the thug that had just attacked you moments ago; your purse was nowhere near his body and it drew in your curiosity.

Leaning down beside the body, you hesitantly reached for his hand, checking for a pulse. Worry started to build up in your chest when you couldn’t find his pulse. Your hand crept up to his neck, but just before you could touch his skin, a voice stopped you.

“He’s not dead.”

You jumped up from the ground and turned to see where the voice had come from; yet, all you could see was darkness. You spun around in a full circle, your fists still clenched and your hardened gaze staring into pure darkness.

“One punch and he was out.” The voice spoke again, this time a little louder. “I swear these criminals used to be tough and now? Well, they’re just growing soft.”

“I didn’t need your help,” You stated, looking in the direction where you last heard the voice, “I had it perfectly under control.”

“Was letting him get a head start a part of you keeping it under control?” The voice teased.

“Show yourself,” You demanded, your voice harsh.

The person stepped out of the shadows, slowly making his way to stand a few feet away from you. Wearing a leather jacket, black pants, combat boots, and holding your purse wasn’t what disturbed you but the red helmet masking his face and the red modified bat symbol on his chest that shown every time his leather jacket shifted.

“Red Hood.” You stated, your hardened gaze never leaving his masked one.

“You know me?” He questioned, raising his hand to cover his chest, “I’m flattered. I guess word still travels fast in this city of rats.”

“Word gets around, but through a different circle,” You corrected him, “Who are you underneath that helmet? I don’t like strange, masked, crusaders in this city, there’s already too many of them running around.”

“A friend from long ago…” His voice lowered, a hint of sadness is what you believed you heard.

“You’re not any friend of mine,” You responded. Your hands stayed clenched at your sides. He lowered his head and rested a hand on his hip, showing off the pistol on his side, “You better start talking or this won’t end well for you.”

A deep laugh fell from his lips, “You’re still like I last remember you…acting all tough when you’re really a big softie…” He looked down at your purse and tossed it back and forth between his hands, “I’m surprised you still have this. I’m guessing you’re still buddy-buddy with him, aren’t you?”

“What?” Confusion crept on your face as you believed he was referring to Bruce.

He tossed the purse at you, watching you catch it in your hands. Confusion and irritation were clear on your face as you watched him reach behind his helmet and start to pull it off. Your eyes grew wide and your whole body felt weak as you saw a face that you thought you would never see again.

“J-J,” You stuttered, struggling to let his name leave your lips for the first time in so many years, “Jason?”

“In the flesh.”

“N-No,” You shook your head, stumbling backward, “I-It can’t be, you’re dead...I was there for your funeral…I saw you laying in that casket…”

“I was, but some crazy things happened that I can’t explain and I don’t know why, but I’m back.”

“You’re not supposed to be here! I’m losing my mind…” You shouted, your hands pushing your disheveled hair out of your face.

He saw the terrified expression on your face, the blank look in your eyes…it pained him to see you like this. “Hey, I know just seeing me is a lot to take in—”

“I—I just got…I—I can’t do this right now…I got to go.”

“(Y/N), wait.”

Ignoring his pleas for you to stay, you ran out of the alley, not even sparing a glance behind you in fear that your past would be following you. Coming up to the steps of your apartment complex, you flung the door open and slammed it shut, pressing your back firmly against it.

Running a shaky hand through your hair, you took a deep breath and began to make your way up to your apartment door, trying to push the night’s events deep down and towards the back of your mind.

Standing in front of your apartment door, you unclipped your house keys from your purse and unlocked the door and quickly stepped inside, locking it behind you. Resting your head against the wooden door, you shut your eyes and groaned.

“Hey,” His mirthful voice pulled you from your mind, causing you to turn to look at him, “I can see you got your purse back,” His smile faded the moment he saw a glint of sadness in your eyes, “Is there something wrong? Did something happen?”

You shook your head as you set the purse down on the counter, “No, uh, just a stressful day at work and you know, that thug stealing my purse. I’m fine.”

He made his way over to you, wrapping you in his warm embrace, “Iif you want to talk about it, we can?”

Shaking your head, you looked up at him, “I rather not.”

He hummed in response, placing a kiss on the crown of your head. “About dinner, I was thinking we could go out to that new joint down the street?”

“No,” You quickly answered, moving away from his embrace, “Let’s just stay inside and order something? I’m too tired to deal with anyone else’s BS right now.”

“Alright, that’s fine with me.” He smiled and walked over to the kitchen to grab some of the take-out brochures you two saved from other lazy nights in.

While he was calling out places that you might want, you half-heartedly answered as you rummaged through your purse, looking for your phone to text Bruce and see if you were going crazy or not. As your fingers sifted through the old grocery receipts and empty gum wrappers, you felt a rough piece of paper touch your fingertips. Pulling it out from your purse, you saw that there was a number scribbled on it and a single name in under the last digits: Jay.

An audible groan mixed with a cry left your lips as you crumpled the paper up and tossed it back in your purse. Moving to join him the kitchen to look at the food menus, he made you laugh and did his best to pull you out of your sudden sadness. You physically lightened up, but on the inside, you were dying to know what the hell you just witnessed.

Sitting in a coffee shop, you pulled the crumpled paper from your purse and laid it on the table. The sloppily-written name awoken a wide range of feelings and emotions that you thought you could never feel again and it scared you. Your shaky hands reached for the paper, gently smoothing out the wrinkles before grabbing your phone and slowly putting each number into the dial-pad.

Resting your elbows on the table and letting a hand cover your mouth while the other held the suddenly heavy phone next to your ear, you listened to it ring. You counted them out, one…two…three…four…after the fourth ring, you were about to hang up before you heard the line pick up and his voice come through on the other side.

“Hello?”

You froze, not knowing what to say. Staring at the name on the paper in front of you, you slowly opened your mouth to speak, your voice barely audible, “Hey…”

“(Y/N)?” Jason’s tone was soft and soothing which reminded you of the old times. “Hey, I was wondering when you would call…”

“A-Are you busy? Right now?” You asked, your whole body slowly relaxing as you fiddled with the paper.

“No, not really,” He spoke, shuffling around on his end of the line, “Is there something wrong?”

“Can we t-talk?” You inquired. Your gaze bounced back and forth from the paper to the window you were situated by, trying to distract your nerves before they overwhelmed you.

“Sure,” Jason responded. You could just picture the smile on his face at your request, “Just send me your location and I’ll be there.”

Mumbling a brief goodbye, you hung up the phone and sent him the address. You tried to mentally prepare yourself for the upcoming conversation, prepping questions that you’ve been thinking about ever since you saw him: How long had he been resurrected? Where was he? Why did he come back to Gotham of all places after all this time? You had so many questions, you just hoped that you could actually ask them if you don’t get overwhelmed.

While deep in your thoughts, you heard the door chime behind you. Turning to look at who it could be, your breath got caught in your throat and your eyes grew wide once again. You saw him stepping inside, looking around until his gaze met yours; his gaze felt so heavy, you turned away, waiting for him to approach you.

“Hey there…”

His voice was soft, yet it sounded more mature than when you last heard it years ago. Without looking up at him, you gestured for him to take a seat. Listening to your weak commands, he sat in the chair and quietly fiddled with the sugar packets on the table.

“Thank you for coming,” You mumbled, trying to get yourself to relax in his presence and gain the courage to look at him at least once, “I didn’t know if you were busy or not, but I made the call because…I want answers. I’m sure you want some too.”

Nodding his head, “No problem, all of my work is carried out in the night but even then I got nothing going on, so don’t ever be afraid to call me at any time.”

“Noted.” The single word fell from your lips, but nothing else came after.

The conversation fell into a tense silence before it hardly began. Jason continued to fiddle with the sugar packets while you gently stirred your coffee. The two of you opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. His mere presence was bugging you; you were dying to ask your first question, you just didn’t know how to phrase it.

Your mind was screaming at you to look at him, just once, but you were struggling to let your gaze wander any higher than his lips. From what you could see, his face had not changed much, other than having short, thin scars from blades. Daring to let your eyes wander higher, your curious gaze met with his and you froze, not sure if you should look away or let his intense blue eyes see right through you. Your gaze was held in his and you could’ve sworn you saw a spark in his.

“How were you…resurrected?” You blurted out, your eyes grew wide as you surveyed the other tables around you, making sure no one was trying to listen in.

A deep sigh fell from his lips, “That’s a complicated story, but I’ll shorten it. I mysteriously woke up in my coffin and crawled to the surface where, Talia, Bruce’s little flame, took me in and tossed me in that Lazarus pit next to Ra’s. She helped me get a grip on my new life…I met new allies, traveled a lot, learned new skills.”

“You just crawled out of your grave?” You whisper-shouted, shielding your mouth from other people; your childish side kicking in as you pictured Jason all muddy, springing from his grave, “Like a zombie?”

He chuckled, “Yeah, like a zombie.”

“All that stuff you learned, I’m guessing that’s what created Red Hood?” You asked, connecting pieces of his story together.

“You got it.” Jason confirmed your suspicions, “I think I learned more than Bruce, but don’t tell him that.”

“Red Hood…” You paused, thinking about all the things you heard from the briefings from Bruce and the others, “I’ve heard you killed people before? Is it true?”

Jason looked up at you, his voice turning serious, “I don’t kill anyone who doesn’t deserve it, just know that. I’m not a savage, I just take crime-fighting another step further, a step Bruce is too scared to take.”

“Does Bruce even know that you’re back?” You asked, sipping your coffee, “I’m sure he would be delighted to see you, in the flesh, after all these years…”

“He knows. He was the first person I encountered upon stepping one foot in this city.” He answered, rolling his eyes at the mention of his former mentor, “I’ve met the rest of the brood too. They’ve got personalities, but they don’t stray far from B’s, that’s for sure.”

“Wait, you know of the others?” You asked, furrowing your brow, “How long have you been back in the city?”

“I’ve only been here for a couple of weeks,” He reassured you, placing his palms on the table, “I wasn’t even supposed to stay this long, let alone be back here. I was only coming to tie up some loose ends on a job I was working, but things got…complicated…”

“What the hell, Jason?” You eyes narrowed, “You didn’t think to at least try and see me sooner? I was thinking that it was only in my dreams that I would see you, my dearest friend, alive again, but it turns out you’ve been alive for quite some time.”

“I told you, things got complicated…” He restated, giving you a sullen look. Hearing his name and friend being used in the same sentence by you hurt him, but he was more upset at the fact that you were upset at him for not coming to you sooner.

“Well, what was the complication?” You inquired, crossing your arms to look him in the eyes. You wanted answers, and you were going to get them.

“I can’t tell you that right now. You wouldn’t understand it.” He muttered, barely audible to your ears. There was a sad look in his eyes, but before you could comment on it, it was replaced with a glint of happiness and curiosity, “Enough talking about me, I want to know more about you and what you’ve been up to.”

A small smile crept onto your lips, “My story isn’t nearly as interesting as yours.”

“That’s okay,” He reassured you, his goofy smile appearing, “I just wanna know more about you.”

Mumbling some words, you let out a sigh, “I don’t live at the manor anymore; I left the day after I turned eighteen. Dick let me stay with him for a while, but I didn’t stay long and left. I struggled for a while without Bruce’s help, but I managed,” You smiled, thinking about all your accomplishments, “I got myself a normal job, normal friends…In a way, I kinda got a second chance at life.”

“You seem to be doing pretty well all on your own; I’m happy for you,” He smiled, yet he leaned in closer to you, his gaze surveying the other people around you before continuing, “Are you still running around in the dark?”

“Oh no,” You shook your head, “Bruce offered me the mantle a couple years after your “departure”, but I turned it down; I turned down any type of caped crusader gigs that a bunch of people offered me, but I didn’t leave that life behind completely. I’m still deeply involved in those affairs; I actually work with someone who’s a member of the League.”

Jason’s attention was peaked when he heard the word “partner” leave your lips, “Oh really? Who is it? Barry? Clark?—You were always his favorite—Diana? Arthur? Hal?”

A small laugh left your lips as you watched his calm expression turn to a more exciting one. “No, no, none of those guys; it’s someone who has a lesser role in all of it, but still important nonetheless. I just can’t tell you: League rules.” You shrugged your shoulders.

Jason nodded, letting a light chuckle slip from between his lips, “I see. You can keep your secrets.”

Silence filled the air. After finally warming up to one another, you two felt like you had said what you needed to say during this meeting. While you were comfortable with the silence, sipping on your coffee and watching the people walk past the window, Jason fiddled with his fingers, deciding if he should bring up a last minute thought.

“Hey, uh, this might sound like a stupid question after all these years, but…” he paused, looking at your hands placed on the table and slowly let his gaze come to meet your intrigued gaze, “Do you still consider us friends? Even after all these years?”

Your brow furrowed and your fingers tapped on the edges of the table, “I don’t see why not, but things between us have changed, Jason. We aren’t wards under Bruce anymore, we’ve both grown and matured and became two individual people,” You sighed, “We built complex, yet somewhat stable lives and if you’re looking to go back to the past…well, we just can’t.”

“The only thing I want to bring back from my past is you,” He confessed, the sad glint in his eye returning for just a split second, “I missed you the most out of everything else from my first life and I would love for you to be in my second one as well.”

Your soft smile appeared at his kind words, making his grow. “I’d be happy to try to pick up where we left off, Jason, but…” Jason froze, “If things don’t work out the way we hoped, well, then we can’t force it, okay? Maybe we can’t be best friends, but we can maybe settle for just the simple title of friends, yeah?”

Your use of his name and friend in the same sentence killed him, but he didn’t show it; instead, his goofy grin grew and he held out his hand for you to shake, “I can live with that.”

With smiles both gracing your grown faces, you reached for his extended hand, but before you could graze your fingertips against his, your phone buzzed on the table, the screen lighting up to alert you that he was calling; Jason’s gaze darted to the phone and took note of the caller ID: My Artist.

“I’m sorry, I have to take this.” You apologized before standing up from the table and walking outside the shop to have your conversation.

He watched you stand outside, walking back and forth, talking with a never faltering smile on your lips; his heart jumped when he could’ve sworn he saw and heard your muffled laugh. The smile on Jason’s own lips was reduced to the slight curling at the corners as he saw that your happiness was coming from someone other than him.

When your call had ended, you dismissed yourself from yours and Jason’s conversation to handle some League affairs, but you reassured him that you two would spend more time together soon. With a verbal goodbye and a slightly awkward handshake initiated on your part, you both parted ways.

“And that’s the last time Dick let me borrow his car.” You laughed, snatching up the nearly empty beer bottle off the coffee table to down the last drops. Slamming the bottle back down on the table and leaning against the couch from your spot on the floor, shrugging your shoulders and raising your hands, “I barely hit anything and the stuff I did hit? The dents on his car weren’t even that bad…”

“You took out a parking meter and somehow pinned a hotdog cart with the passenger side on his car,” Jason struggled to keep his laugh in check, but failed miserably, letting his head fall back onto the armrest of his sofa, undoubtedly picturing you standing by the car, mortified, explaining to Dick how it happened, “I think the dents were pretty bad. That whole story is an example as to why Bruce never let you drive the Batmobile.”

“He never let you either! Come to think of it, he never even taught you.” You countered, throwing a finger in his direction.

“Touché.”

Your melodious laughter was music to Jason’s ears. He watched you double over, wiping the stray tears of happiness from the creases of your eyes as you stood up to fetch yourself another beer from the kitchen. Jason listened to your side comments about the story, but all he could do was chuckle at a memory he wished he shared with you.

These types of moments between you and Jason had been going on for the last couple of weeks, non-stop. You would call him up after work every day and you two would hang out at the coffee shop or at his apartment to reminisce about the old times between you two or the stories you had from living at the manor and watching each new Robin come into their own identities.

“Got any stories from your travels that you would like to share?” You asked while setting a beer on the table in front of him. “I’m still thinking of some other ones…”

“Nah, I like your stories better,” He admitted, sitting up once again to look at you laying on the floor, a goofy smile taking over your usual composed one, “What I’m learning from you and your stories is that you haven’t lost your spark.”

“Aw, thanks Jay,” Your cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink, “Someone had to lighten up that dark place besides Alfred.”

“What other stories you got?” Jason asked.

“Well, let me see… oh, well there was this one time Damian jumped out the third story window…”

Jason zoned out, his thoughts consuming him in the moment. His eyes took in every little detail that you shown as you were telling your story. The bright, goofy smile on your face, the way your hands illustrated the whole scene, how expressive your eyes got, and that little laugh you made before your initial one filled the room. Seeing you like this made him think on his next actions.

“That does sound like a funny story…” Jason blandly added. Setting his beer on the table, he rested his elbows on his knees and looked at you on the floor, sipping your beer. “Hey, I had something to tell you that I’ve had on my mind for quite some time actually…”

“Lay it on me.” You sent your smile his way.

“Uh, well, the night before I—”

He was interrupted by the muffled buzzing of your phone inside your purse. You sprang up from your spot on the floor and grabbed your purse from the couch and brought it to the coffee table. Your hands rummaged through your cluttered purse, looking for your phone but you couldn’t even see a single part of it.

“Goddamnit, I have to clean this thing out.” You groaned, turning your purse upside down and shaking all of its contents out until your buzzing phone bounced off the table and onto the floor. Dropping your purse and snatching up your phone, you answered it and walked into the kitchen, leaving a confused Jason sitting on the couch picking up all your belongings and setting them beside your purse.

He came across a folded paper and curiosity came over him. Looking over his shoulder to see if you were still in the kitchen he proceeded to open the paper to reveal a decent drawing of your face. The illustration was slightly cartoonish, but it still captured your beauty nonetheless; Jason could’ve sworn he seen this type of style somewhere before, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Looking at the corner of the paper, the initials K.R. was scribbled along with an illegible note.

“What are you doing?” Jason jumped in his seat, but didn’t hide the picture, “Are snooping?”

Looking at the drawing in his hands and then at you, he sheepishly smiled, “Yeah…Who drew this for you? It’s pretty neat.”

“My friend, he’s pretty good alright. I believe he’s got a gig for doing illustrations or something like that.” You informed Jason, snatching the photo from his hands and tossing back into your purse with the rest of your belongings. “Why were you so curious?”

“I’ve seen that style before, but I don’t remember where…”

“I hate thoughts like that…anyways, sorry for the phone call, I’m always being pulled in some direction, aren’t I?” You chuckled, taking a seat beside him on the couch, “You were saying something before the phone call?”

Jason opened his mouth, but no words came out. All his mind could do was bring up that picture and fill his thoughts with negative ones. Looking at you, he smiled softly, “You know what? Don’t even worry about it. It wasn’t that important.”

You double checked with him, but he reassured you it could wait. After sitting in silence for a few moments, you changed the subject, “I was looking at my phone and I didn’t realize how late it was getting; you know, we’ve been talking here for the past six hours? That’s crazy.”

“That is.” Jason nodded his head in agreement, “If it’s getting late, I can drive you home? I got no problem doing it; I would like to know that you’re not out there with those criminals.”

A cheap laugh fell from your lips, “Oh, what is it with people forgetting who I was?” You turned to Jason as you stood up from the couch, “I’ll be fine. Actually, I—”

As if on cue, the muffled sound of a car horn interrupted your sentence. A goofy smile broke out on your lips as your head dropped before lifting up to look at Jason’s confusion expression.

“…have a ride,” You soft giggles turned into a deep sigh as you picked up your purse, “Sorry.”

Jason’s smile faltered, but he played it off as if he was going to drink his beer. Standing up beside you, he looked down at you, taking in how your smile continued to stay on your relaxed face while you looked up at him.

“Well, I had lots of fun with you tonight, really,” Jason confessed, “It was nice to catch up on so many things, hopefully, we can do it again sometime soon?”

“Definitely!” You nearly shouted, “Next time, maybe we could do my place? I can cook us up something?” You suggested, looking deep into his eyes for his approval.

“I’d like that,” The horn sounded again, making him turn his attention to the window before your hand on his arm pulled his attention back towards you, “Don’t keep your ride waiting. Goodnight, (Y/N).”

“Goodnight, Jason.” You spoke softly. Moving in closer, you stood on your toes and planted a gentle kiss on his cheek, patted his chest a few times before dashing out his apartment and down to your ride.

Jason’s smile grew from the sudden affection you gave him. It gave him hope that maybe you didn’t feel the same way about him as he did for you. After seeing that picture and knowing of your friend, he knew that things were heating up between you two and he wanted to beat the other to the punch.

Don’t beat around the bush. Tell her who you feel.

Standing stock-still in the elevator, Jason’s nervous blue eyes stared at the bouquet of flowers in his hand, making sure that each delicate flower looked presentable. The sweet smell the flowers gave off relaxed him; the loud thoughts in his mind were feeding his anxiety and making his heartbeat so fast that he was sure he felt it hit his ribcage a couple of times.

The elevator beeped and the large, metal doors slowly opened to the floor your apartment was on. With a heavy sigh escaping from between his lips, he began to walk down the corridor, looking at the numbers on the door, trying to match it with the one that was scribbled on the sticky note in his hand.

When he finally came face to face with your door, he froze. He stood there for a few moments, wondering if he should just turn around and leave or stay and see if his dreams come true. Adjusting his leather jacket and rotating the flowers to their best side, he knocked on the door lightly, waiting for you to come to the door.

He heard shuffling and the sound of your voice on the other side of the door. The muffled music was turned down and the sound of footsteps coming close to the door made him nervous. Quickly shaking his whole body to get rid of the nerves, he put on his best smile, but when the door opened, his grin fell from his lips and was replaced by a look of pure confusion.

“Kyle?”

“Jason?” Kyle greeted him with a similar look of confusion.

The two stared at each other for a few moments, trying to figure out why the other was standing before them. Silence would’ve consumed the both of them had you not called out to Kyle from behind the cracked door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Jason…” Kyle answered, turning his head to look at you with a kind, yet confused smile.

“What are you doing?” You questioned him, walking towards the door to pull it all the way open; looking at Jason with a delighted smile, you said, “Come on in, Jason.”

Jason’s mouth was slightly agape. He stared at the both of you, trying to figure out what the hell Kyle Raynor, a member of the Green Lanterns, was doing with you, but then it finally clicked in his head: The name in your phone, the drawing in your purse, your partnership with someone in the Justice League…Kyle was your…no… Jason didn’t even want to think of the word to describe your relationship with Kyle. Hesitantly stepping into your apartment, Jason just stood there, not knowing what else to do.

“I wasn’t expecting you to come over tonight,” You stated, looking at his shy state, “I was just finishing up dinner; there should be enough to go around, I’m sure.”

Jason slowly nodded, his gaze drifting from you to Kyle who sat at a desk in the corner of the room, undoubtedly drawing something. “I’m sorry, I just thought to stop by to see how you were doing since we didn’t talk for a couple of days…”

“I see you brought me flowers?” You inquired, looking at the vibrant bouquet in his slightly clenched hands. You took them from him and set them in the sink to properly take care of them. “Oh where are my manners? I didn’t introduce you to Kyle.”

“You don’t need to,” Jason mumbled, looking at you with a soft smile, “We know each other.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, we were involved with some heavy business a couple months back,” Jason informed you, his gaze becoming sharper the longer he stared at the man doodling in the corner. “What’s he doing here? Is he your partner in the League?”

A sheepish laugh came from your throat, “Uh, yeah. Kyle and I are partners…he’s actually my boyfriend…”

Jason died on the inside.

“We’ve been keeping a low profile about it, that’s why I didn’t say anything about it to you…” You told him, “You can’t tell anyone though, especially not Bruce; you know how he is with snooping in other people’s business…”

Jason stood there, his nerves taking control, “Uh, yeah, your secret is safe with me…and speaking of Bruce, he wanted to talk to me, it was something urgent. He’s probably gonna rip into me about being late like old times, but I can take it.”

Your smile slightly fell, “Are you sure you can’t stay? Bruce has three other people to go to.” You stood in front of him, your hand resting on your hip. You knew he wasn’t going to budge, but you wanted to at least try, “I promise not to keep you long.”

“It’s a personal matter, don’t worry, we’ll hang out again.” Jason’s lips formed a tight line as he looked over at Kyle once more before finally letting himself accept his defeat. “At least I know you’re okay…”

“It was good to see you, Jason,” You told him, stepping closer. You placed your hand on his arm and felt him tense up at your touch. Wrapping your arms around him, you gave him a firm squeeze and leaned up to give him a light kiss on his cheek, “You be good, or at least try to be. Tell Bruce I said hi.”

Jason smiled, nodding at your words, but paying them no mind. Your hug felt different to him; it felt colder than before, it didn’t bring him as much happiness as it used to and the kiss on the cheek didn’t show a sign of hope but a sign of friendly boundaries that he believed he could never cross.

Mumbling a half-hearted goodbye to Kyle, Jason left with his heart and dreams shattered. He did everything in his power to not turn around and storm back up those steps and still tell you how he felt, but he realized that it would’ve been childish of him to do so; it would be something his past self would do. So he carried on, jumping into his car and driving far from your place, trying to put distance between himself and his tainted dream.

It took a few days and nights for Jason to fully process what his relationship between you and him would become. He was thankful that you were at least happy in your life; he was heartbroken that he couldn’t be the source of your happiness though. He was almost wishing that he was selfish enough to rob you of your happiness in favor of his, but his love for you was stronger than his desire to be happy.

Sitting on the rooftop across from your apartment complex with a clear view into your apartment, he sat on the edge, fumbling with his gloved fingers as he watched you and Kyle move about inside. His gaze saw you dancing around the kitchen, flour covering your clothing and skin in various patches while Kyle sat on top of the table, eating what you were baking. Music was blaring inside the place, but it was muffled to Jason on the outside.

Jason’s fists gripped the edge of the room in slight anger and pain. He watched Kyle hop off the table and slowly make his way to stand behind you, placing his hands on your hips while you continued on with baking. That smile on your face killed Jason. Kyle craned his head around your shoulder to take in your messy look before giving you a peck on your lips. Jason could hear your little laugh all the way by him, just ringing in his ears. He saw you spin around and begin to pull Kyle’s lips towards your own and the minute your lips connected, Jason turned away, his heart aching.

With a heavy sigh, Jason stood up and dusted his pants off, turned away from your apartment. He began to walk away, telling himself that he knew he never should’ve come back to Gotham. There was nothing left for him except for a painful past. Seeing you kiss Kyle…he felt like he just died for a second time. He regretted ever coming back for you.

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kaitycole · 4 years

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A Royal Mess (Part 14)

Summary: A lot of shit goes down.

Word Count:1742

Rating: PG-13??

Author Note: I think I’m going to do that thing I hate that writers do and give this a quick ending. BUT then I will branch out into each storyline for a few parts so you can see how the conclusion happened and where they are now. This story kinda took on a life of it’s own and if I’m getting lost, I know some of you are as well. This way I actually finish the series and everyone gets less confused lol

Tag List: @chiarace @grimalkjn @jyreusser85 @hopefulmoonobject @enmchoices @indiacater @captain-kingliamsqueen @katurrade @darley1101 @zilch3 @sleeplessescapades @bobasheebaby @mrsdrakewalkerblog @lynn1214 @umccall71 @drakelover78 @thequeenchoices @stopforamoment @lauradowning29 @lodberg

Madeleine is sitting on the Oludeniz Beach in Turkey. The white sand is soft under her long beach towel that she’s sitting on under an umbrella. Beach or no beach, her skin was too fair for direct sunlight.

Breathing in the salty air, she feels free. She’s not here for some political event or a social call, she was here simply because she made the arrangements and wanted to go.

I could get used to this calling my own shots thing. She grins as she watches a group of men play volleyball. Skins vs skins, the best way.

Glancing around the beach, she sees the employees dressed in khaki shorts and various colored polos depending on which company they worked for. Oludeniz Beach is considered one of the best places to paraglide which means lots of businesses have a spot in the area.

I wonder what my father would think of the Countess of Fydelia jumping off a cliff that’s up to 6,000 feet above sea level? Couldn’t imagine he’d be happy about it…I think I’ll give it a try!

She jumps up to her feet, glancing down at her stuff, there’s nothing she couldn’t replace so she leaves it all there. Quickly, she sprints over to the line of people waiting their turn.

Her life was never really adventurous, family dictating every move and decision in her life and the only adventure she ever experienced was when Leo was involved. She shakes her head, she left all that behind, she left him behind, she couldn’t afford to go back there. Couldn’t afford to keep being that girl.

Before she knows it, she’s next in line and when she looks up, her eyes meet a man who takes her breath away.

“Would you like an instructor or you flying solo?” He asks, his blue eyes sparkling, his long hair pulled up in a bun.

Usually not a fan of long hair on a male, but I’ll make an exception. His blue eyes remind me of Leo’s. She sighs, you can’t do this to yourself, Madeleine. Forget him.

“Solo, unless the instructor is you,” she bats her green eyes at him.

“I think I can arrange that,” his tone is flirtatious and he doesn’t try to hide it. Smirking, he walks over to the other instructor. After a few exchanges, he walks back towards her, smiling as he hands her the gear for her to put on.

“Ready for an adventure?” He says in a low tone, his lips gently brushing against her ear.

A shiver shoots down her spine, “Of course!”

* *

“What the f--,” Leo catches himself, remembering that Asher and Noah are playing on the office floor. Well, Noah is playing, Asher is laying there, probably wanting Noah to get out of his face. He slams the magazine upside down on the desk causing Noah to glance up at him.

“Daddy, you okay?”

“Yeah, buddy,” he winks causing Noah to return to bothering Asher.

Calming down, he flips it back over, reading the front cover headline for the millionth time: Countess of Fydelia’s new tailwind relationship! For more go to page 40.” He had no desire to learn more about it, but before he knows it, he has flipped to page 40.

The array of photos span over page 40 and 41, there’s more images than texts. Apparently the two have been seen together several times for the last week which has the press talking, especially since the divorce has been announced.

He huffs, feeling as though he’s wasted time and resources looking for her, trying to make things right with her when clearly their future was the least of her concerns. His eyes linger on his least favorite picture of Madi and this boy toy.

The two are standing in the water, a decent distance form shore. Her back is to the camera, her bare back which causes anger to rise in Leo. Her head is tossed back, laughing while the mystery man is holding her to shield any camera from catching a glimpse of anything she wouldn’t want the press to post.

How could she be so careless? Topless at a beach with some stranger!?! He shakes his head, standing, before finally dropping the tabloid in the trash. He’s pacing the room, the rage starting to boil before he punches a hole in the wall. It isn’t until Asher starts screaming, that Leo realizes he’s pulling his hand from the hole, drywall pieces falling out.

“Daddy stop!” Noah’s voice filled with fear as Liam, Katie and Bastien all run into the room.

“What in the world!” Katie shouts, picking up Asher as Noah runs and wraps himself around her leg.

“I…I’m sorry,” he says defeatedly to Noah before he lets himself slide down the wall as Liam brushes Katie and Bastien out of the room.

“This have anything to do with the two-page spread of Madeleine in Turkey?” Liam says sympathetically.

“Am I that transparent?” He chuckles, “I’m no good to anyone anymore.”

Liam gives his brother a confused look.

“Katie went to Damien when I let her down, Madeleine runs off to Turkey and my own son is scared of me now. What good I am?” He looks down at his hand, bruised and cut up, realizing that’s exactly how he feels on the inside too.

* *

The early morning sun is beaming on his face, causing him to groan as he stirs out of sleep. His head is pounding from the hangover that he’s had for days. Well since the royal family was seen which included Katie and Asher standing with Leo and the twins.

When he left, he wasn’t sure he was ready. Wasn’t sure he could stand the scrutiny of the press for being the one who destroyed a somewhat royal marriage. But that all changed when he saw Leo holding his son with an arm wrapped around Katie.

That had to be for the press, right? Leo made it clear before they were done. Or were they? Where did things stand with everything that had been happening as of late?

Damien lets out a sigh before placing his head in his hands. He feels a stir on the bed beside him which for the life of him, he doesn’t remember who it is.

“Morning, love.” The feminine voice says as he feels arms wrap around his torso and lips press against his bare shoulder.

“Oh. Still here?”

“That’s no way to be,” the woman places tiny kisses across the top of his back, her hands start to slide down his sides before stopping at his waist. He pushes himself back further on the bed as she straddles him.

Moments later, the blonde leaves the hotel door, quick, fast and unsatisfied. Damien shrugs, his mind never wonders far from Katie. He wants to go back, to pick up where he left, but he just isn’t sure that he can.

What if I end up leaving again? I did just what Leo did that started all of this. You’re such an idiot Damien.

Shaking his head, he grabs his suitcase, shoving everything he can in it before rushing out the door, throwing caution to the wind.

* *

Katie wanders around the palace. Even after the years she’s been with Leo, she’s still finding out just how big the palace really is. She’s walking around the ballroom with a folder in her hand, trying desperately to figure out how to talk to Leo. She eventually walks into the dining hall, hoping maybe she’d gain some courage the more she paced.

Liam and Riley are currently in Auvernal, discussing marriage deals for Princess Eleanor, which means the palace is full of tension, leaving just Katie and Leo there alone.

“Katie.” He says, not lifting is eyes from the papers he’s scanning through.

“Leo. We need to talk.”

“Do we?”

He’s sitting at the head of the dining table, absentmindedly thumbing through the files he has in front of him. If he’s honest, he had already looked through them, but he’s just hoping that it will cause her to leave him alone.

“Leo. Please.” She stresses the ‘ease’.

He puts the papers down, noticing that she’s holding a folder of her own, “What’s that?”

She tosses the folder on the table towards him, she watches as he opens it.

“Adoption papers?” He takes a sip of his coffee, contemplating his response, “Are the twins not mine either?”

“Very funny. It’s for Asher.”

“You want me to adopt Asher? What about his father? I doubt he’d be okay with this.”

“I haven’t heard from his father in weeks. Who’s to say that you aren’t his father?”

Leo bites his tongue and settles for giving her an unamused looked, “He hasn’t reached out but that hasn’t stopped you from wanting him to.”

“We never did a DNA test; can’t you just pretend you never found out about that night?”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Oh. Why not?” She puts her hand on her hip, “it’s not like Madeleine is going to pick you.”

“That may be, but I still have these.” He slides the folder he’s been skimming through towards her.

Opening it, her entire demeanor falls along with her jaw, “You…you can’t be serious.”

“Oh, love, but I am.” He winks at her as he walks passed her, exiting the room.

She looks down at the papers once more: Petition for Divorce.

Flipping through them, she notices there’s two stacks of paperwork.

The breath is knocked out of her when she reads the headline of the second stack: Petition to Modify Custody.

* *

He stands at the main palace gate, not sure if he’d be able to make it any further. Everything he owned was in the old and busted up suitcase in his hand while his head was somewhere within the palace walls.

Pulling out his phone, he dials the only number he’s ever memorized.

“Hello?” The voice that answers speaks timidly, as if they are worried this is just some dream.

“It’s me. Well of course you already knew that. Uh…uhm…I’m here.”

“Here?” There’s an urgency in their voice now.

“Here.”

The line on the other end dies and so does the small amount of hope he had when he showed up. He turns around, trying to decide what’s left for him now that he’s destroyed the very thing that he wanted.

#the royal romance #choices #trr au fanfic #a royal mess

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thewritewolf · 5 years

Text

Nino’s Quest Chapter 2: You All Meet In A Tavern

The party finally meets and, despite a rough start, begin their first adventure!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 (Final)

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3. My ko-fi.

Adrien Regreste: Last session was awesome! When can we do it again??

Lord DM: Lol dude. Its only been a day ya know We can figure it out a little later

Marinoodles: id love to do this weekend with you adrien! For dnd i mean And with everyone else Not just adrien

Adrien Regreste: Your character was so cool, Mari! I can’t wait to see how you play her :D

Marinoodles: Thank you! <3 Oh um whoops I didn’t mean to send a heart, haha

Adrien Regreste: ?? what did you mean to send?

Marinoodles: Um… this? :3

Adrien Regreste: :O That’s so cute! Can I use it??

Marinoodles: Sure! Your’e fine! *That’s fine! Not that you’re NOT fine I just askdjfasdlkfjadf

Alya’ll Beware: Omg u 2 get a room

Marinoodles: ALYA

Adrien Regreste: ?????

Nino chuckled as he read the string of messages. It made him glad to know that his friends were enjoying the campaign - especially Adrien. They didn’t get a chance to hang out nearly as much as he liked and this was a perfect excuse to get them all together. Besides, watching him and Marinette interact was always good for the soul. Very adorable stuff.

Speaking of adorable, Alya had sent him a private message on Discord. He opened up the chat.

Alya: Just so u know, I’ve got ulterior motives here

Nino: About marinette, Im guessing?

Alya: Yeah Don’t you see? This is a great chance to get these two dweebs togethre!

Nino: Alya… Can’t we just let them enjoy the game? Grow closer on their own terms?

Alya: If we do that, then they’ll still be blushng at each other when we’re in university Mama Alya’s got to do some interventions. I want my nieces and nephews at some point!

Nino: … Sigh Fine.

Alya: <3

Nino: But!

Alya: </3

Nino: Only if you stay in character, okay? At least that will keep oyu invested in the game.

Alya: ...I accept your conditions, Lord DM Cappy.

------------

“Anything you’re willing to spill about today’s session, bro?” Adrien grinned as he asked, excitement sparkling in his eyes. They were both strapped into the backseat of the Gorilla’s car as they made their way to Marinette’s house. It was late, but between Marinette babysitting and Adrien’s photoshoot, it was the best they could do.

Nino shook his head. “Sorry, dude. Most of it probs won’t be too interesting, though, since we have to get the introductions out of the way.” Adrien phone went off and he pulled it out. “Who’s texting you, dude?”

“Alya,” Adrien replied absently as he read the text. The tips of his ears turned red and his eyes widened.

Suspicion settled onto Nino as he tried to crane his neck to see the text. “Yeah? And what’s she telling you?”

“Nothing much. Just some tips about how to play a bard.”

Alarms were sounding in Nino’s head. “Really? What kind of tips.”

“Just… tips. About how charismatic bards should act. That kind of thing.”

Nino pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course she is…”

Before either of them could ask any more questions, the car came to a halt and the Gorilla grunted at them. They had reached their destination.

“Ready for your first real session, dude?” Nino punched Adrien on the shoulder as he climbed out and they headed inside.

“You know I am!” Adrien opened the door and both of them were immediately buffeted by the scent of fresh pastries. They were guided by their noses to the kitchen. “Mmm! That smells delicious!”

Marinette froze, her pupils shrinking to pinpoints as they entered the room. “That’s- thanks! I- We made it for you. I mean! For all of us. For today’s session. So we could eat it. Y-yeah.”

“That’s very cool of you two!” Adrien he took a chocolate croissant off the platter and took a bite. “It tastes even better than it smells!”

“You really think so? Well,” Alya put her hands on Marinette’s shoulders and pushed her a little closer to Adrien, “those were made by hand. Marinette’s hands, as a matter of fact. I mostly just provided commentary.”

“Sorry dudes,” Nino cut in. “But can we start soon? We got a lot I wanna cover today.”

Marinette sagged in relief. “Y-yeah! Let’s get started!”

When Adrien and Marinette had squeezed past and headed towards the living room, Alya narrowed her eyes at Nino. He mouthed the word ‘roleplay’ to her and went to follow the others.

Nino took his seat and set up his DM screen around his notes and dice. Clearing his throat, he got started. “Marinette, you and Alya are sitting at a booth inside the tavern when in walks two men. The half-elf is wearing brightly colored clothes and is holding a…” He squinted at the paper in front of him. “Dude, what’s your instrument?”

“A lyre! Oh, and he’s blonde with green eyes - like me!” Adrien beamed, practically vibrating in place with excitement as he looked between the girls and him.

“Right, right, I getcha. And standing next to him is a human in chainmail armor, the symbol of the sun worn proudly around his neck.”

“Sounds like a cutie,” Alya said with a waggle of her eyebrow.

Nino’s cheeks heated up, but he pressed on valiantly. “So, uh, what do you do?”

“W-well, do they, um, do they match the descriptions we were given?” Marinette meekly replied.

“Yup! The description the monks gave you was right on. These are the dudes you are supposed to meet up with, no doubt about it.”

“R-right. Then I’ll wave them over then.”

“Right on. Adrien, what do you want to-”

“I walk over. Can I roll to seduce?”

Nino blinked in confusion and noticed the shock written plain on Marinette’s face. Alya, however, seemed on the verge of maniacal laughter.

“I… You want to seduce someone? Why?”

“Well, that’s what bards do, right?” He looked between his friends with an excited look on his face. “So what do I do? Roll this twenty sided die, right?”

“Yeah, but,” Nino struggled to get a hold of the situation, “who are you going to seduce?”

“Marinette, of course!” Adrien said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. If Marinette had been one of Adrien’s anime characters, there would have been a gush of blood erupting from her nose. As is, it just looked like she was about to pass out. “You and Alya are… you know, so it makes sense!”

While that was definitely airtight reasoning, Nino couldn’t help but groan. “Alright, let’s see what the dice have to say about it. Roll the die and add your charisma to this.”

Poor Marinette, wide eyed and blushing from cheek to neck, watched in bated anticipation as Adrien shook the die with gusto and let it loose. The first real roll of the game, Nino reflected. And it was being used to flirt with a party member. Was this a sign of what was to come?

He watched to see what the die will land on and what it might say about the rest of the campaign…

It rolled across the table, propelled by an overeager Adrien.

It came to a stop, directly in front of Marinette.

It showed…

...A one.

There was a stunned silence before Nino began laughing uncontrollably.

“Alright, bro. This is what happens - you walk up to them, put your hand on the table, and forget your own name as they look up at you expectantly. I follow behind and introduce ourselves.”

Adrien pouted, but a small smile poked through when Marinette giggled. Some color besides red was returning to her face.

“Maybe next time, sunshine,” Alya said through a grin. “So, are we ready to talk about adventure?”

After the party’s rocky opening moments, they hit their stride as they talked over the details of their first quest together. The locals had been dealing with a band of kobold raiders who were stealing their live stock. After a farmer was found dead, they decided the raiders had gone too far, and sent out a call for adventurers. A wandering bard, a local cleric, a noble runaway, and a knight errant answered.

“You spot the kobold den. The entrance just seems to be a hastily carved slab of wood covering a cave mouth.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask…” Marinette wrung her hands. “What’s a kobold?”

“Good question!” Nino folded his hands and looked between his friends. “Has anyone here seen a kobold before? Or know something about the arcane?”

The sound of ruffled papers greeted him as the party shuffled through their character sheets. Adrien’s eyes lit up. “Oh! I’ve got bardic knowledge.” He smiled and nudged Marinette, who joltd. “I guess I’ve seen some stuff on the road, huh?”

“Sure, bro, but let’s see if you know anything about them.” Nino watched as Adrien rolled. “Nice. Much better than your last one.” There were giggles around the table and Adrien playfully rolled his eyes. “Anyway, you know that kobolds are short, lizard dudes who like to build traps. Very community based, team efforts are their gig.”

“Cool! I tell the rest of the party that. So are we going in then?”

“W-wait.” Marinette narrowed her eyes in thought. “It seems too obvious, right? We didn’t even really look that hard for the way in, we just stumbled across it.”

“Right…? Oh!” Adrien caught on. “You think it might be a trap? So how are we going to get in then?”

“Well… they have to have a way in, right? So let’s look around. Maybe there is a secret passage.”

“Okay, I’ll make a perception roll for all of you.” Nino made some quick checks behind his screen. “So - Babe, you find a small boulder that seems out of place.”

“I’ll move it.”

“You got anything on you to do that with?”

“My big, beefy, lady knight muscles.”

Nino chuckled. “Alright, dude. Roll a d20 and add your strength modifier.” He watched the die land - more than enough to heft the thing. “Nice! You don’t have any trouble shifting it on your own, but there is no way anyone smaller than you could have pulled it off.”

“Huh. Guess they really don’t want kobolds going out alone.”

“So you go down into a side passage in the cave before eventually emerging into a small room with a table and chair. There is a lever against the wall, a string that runs into the darkness, and a sleeping kobold in the chair. What do you do?”

“Well we gotta take out the kobold first, right?” Alya glanced over at the other two. “We can’t have them raising an alarm or anything. I’ll nudge Marinette towards the kobold.”

“Does it count as, um… Flat footed? Do I get sneak attack?”

“You bet, dude. You’ll hit, no sweat, but roll for stealth.” She did. “Ooo, barely. After stumbling, you manage to get over there and silence the sentry for good. Now what?”

“Um… I’ll look around. What’s the lever for?”

“Got any knowledge of engineering?”

“Yup!”

Alya made an X with her arms. “Woah woah woah. Hold up, girl. Why do you know about engineering?”

Marinette shrugged. “You never know when understanding how buildings stay standing will help. In character, my family is known for their castles. Seemed like a good choice, you know?”

“Anyway,” Nino continued. “You can tell the lever activates a trap. A boulder trap, by the looks of it. Stepping into the hallway, you notice the entire thing is on an incline and your room is well hidden.”

“Oh, wow.” Adrien tapped at his chin. “We would’ve walked right by and been crushed by the boulder.”

“Wait…” Marinette’s eyes lit up. “I have an idea!”

A few minutes later and her plan was set into motion. Adrien stood by the hidden side passage and began to play his lyre as loudly as he could while Alya struck a stick against her shield repeatedly. Before long, their characters heard clawed feet rushing up the passageway in large numbers. The first to spot them was Adrien, who ducked back inside the passage.

“Now! They can’t retreat!”

Marinette’s character pulled the lever and a loud rumbling was heard. A giant boulder rushed past the room and the brief squawks of the enemy turned to silence.

“You enter the passageway to find one heck of a mess… and no survivors.” Nino let them cheer for a moment before adding, “At least, from this group. There’s anywhere from five to eight squished kobolds out here, and you remember that the villagers were sure there was about twenty.”

They were about to continue when Adrien’s phone went off. His face fell when he looked at it. “Sorry, guys. Looks like I need to head home now.’

“What?!” Marinette exclaimed before immediately blushing at her own outburst. “I mean- it’s just- Been here haven’t long- Going now?”

“I’m really sorry. You guys can go on without me.”

Nino shook his head and stood. “No way, dude. We’re in this together.”

“...Really?” Adrien said, looking hopeful.

“You bet, sunshine! This party doesn’t split.”

“Y-yeah! We’ll wait for you!”

“Thanks,” Adrien said with a smile. “I promise, I’ll make next week work and I’ll make sure we can stay for longer. Somehow.”

After saying their goodbyes, Nino hitched a ride home with Adrien. Nino hadn’t even thought about the traps being used against the kobolds, but they managed it. As he listened to Adrien chatter about the campaign, Nino could feel that this was going to be a campaign to remember.

#miraculous ladybug #Nino Lahiffe #Alya Cesaire #DJ Wifi #Adrien Agreste #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Adrienette #Dungeons and Dragons #D&D #ml fanfiction #my writing #Nino's Quest

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sickandtideeeee · 5 years

Text

By Bast - Chapter 11 (Erik x Reader)

Bast truly had a riotous sense of humor.

Who could have foreseen that you would end up in the exact same operating room you had been revived in, attempting to save the life of a man who had nearly murdered you? Your eyes followed the same distraught physician who had taken care of you scurry around to gather surgical supplies, desperate to keep her license. You probably would have laughed had the situation not been so dire.

With the pressure of your closed fist inside his chest being the difference between his life and bloody exsanguination, N’Jadaka seemed almost harmless. Your arms and knees were almost numb from how long you had held position, straddling the estranged prince. You mustered all your strength and willpower to keep your right arm as straight as possible. You could feel the transmitted vibrations of his weakly pulsating heart… his heart? How human he had become now, how vulnerable he now was, as are the rest of us.

Engrossed in your thoughts, you missed the surgeon alerting you that she was finally ready to begin the procedure. T’Challa placed a hand on your shoulder softly but firmly.

“That’s enough. You can come down now,” he instructed, his tone impassive. You obliged, your gaze still focused on Erik, and dismounted the table. The doctor took a curiously long look at you as you hesitantly stepped away, then she hurriedly got to work.

How quickly we forget.

N’Jadaka killed your father, but somehow you had some pity for him.

How quickly we forgive.

N’Jadaka had overthrown T’Challa’s reign, but T’Challa had chosen to absolve him of his sin of treason.

Or had he? You could not totally be sure what his plans were. All you knew was that there seemed to be a gag rule in the palace about the prince. Not a word had been spoken about the battle or its aftermath. In fact, to your amazement, things seemed to have fallen back into place almost instantly once T’Challa officially announced his return, never mind that this was the first civil war on Wakandan soil in centuries. N’Jadaka’s reign had been subversive but brief, and a collective sigh of relief befell the land as the rightful heir was reinstated.

A week had passed painstakingly slowly. Spirit unsettled, it had become difficult to concentrate on your bioengineering work. To quell this unease, you had begun to make rounds at the Mujaji orchards to pick fruit much like Zuri had the habit of doing before. However, this time the fruit would go not to the children who visited the temple, but instead to the homes of the warriors who had been killed in battle. No matter how much the monarchy wanted to suppress the reality of the mutiny, it had happened, and real people had died.

It was while you were on such a mission, humming softly as you picked fruit, that you heard T’Challa call your name.

Surprised, you turned slowly and bowed low in greeting. It was the first time you had spoken since that day. Usually T’Challa would have a playful smirk for you, with gentle eyes unlike N’Jadaka’s cocksure ones, but this time he was accompanied by Okoye whose disdain for you was palpable.

You didn’t blame her for being bitter. She was newly single, given that her husband had not needed much convincing to side with an intruder. Unfortunately, W’Kabi did not have the protection of being blood-related to the king, and now was rumored to have been exiled even further beyond the borderlands.

“What brings you here, Nkiru?” T’Challa asked. You held out one of your baskets to him with a soft smile.

“I was just filling baskets for the temple… Like Baba used to.” A half-truth.

He wore the slightest of frowns in response, which made you mildly anxious.

“Good.” He affirmed to your relief. Okoye scoffed, the slightest of sounds, and T’Challa gave her a nod. She nodded back and turned to exit, leaving the two of you in the garden.

He knelt down to pick up a mango from the full basket at your feet, tossing it up and down in his left hand as he stood before you. While he meant to appear entirely harmless, you could feel your whole body tense up. T’Challa seemed to measure his words before he spoke. Whatever he had to say would not be good.

“May I ask you a question, about N’Jadaka… my cousin?”

You nodded, your eyes following the fruit he played with as it rose and fell. Your heart began to beat fast. The word cousin came out clumsily in his mouth as if he was still getting used to the concept of having a cousin – or rather, having this person in particular as a cousin.

“What is the nature of your relationship?” You now looked at T’Challa in confusion.

“Relationship?” You repeated in shock, then irritation. You had thought T’Challa, someone you had grown up with, would be above listening to ridiculous gossip.

T’Challa now gripped the mango firmly in his hand, looking at you straight in the eyes. Almost as if to warn you that he could detect any lie, no matter how small.

“There have been some reports that suggest something of the sort.”

You wanted to remain respectful, but indignation surfaced instead.

“Reports?” You repeated again, this time with an edge to your voice. He sensed this and once again wore that controlled regal look of disapproval, waiting patiently for you to speak.

You had nothing to say. You expected better from someone like him.

Instead of dignifying him with an answer, you picked up the basket on the ground, hoisting it on your hip. A hand outstretched, you silently requested for him to return his newfound toy. He did not oblige, which made you angrier.

“With all due respect, it is distasteful to implicate me in any sort of liaison with my father’s murderer,” you seethed. At that, T’Challa’s expression softened, if only for a moment, but you would not let him off the hook.

“I cannot help the fact that people around the palace see things where there are none. It also does not help that your cousin found some particular interest in tormenting me further. Please do not do the same.”

With that, you bowed once again to exit, but his hand on your wrist stopped you. You whipped around with the fiercest look possible, but T’Challa’s was fiercer.

“Nkiru, he has asked to see you every day since he’s been in isolation.”

You feel a heavy thump on your chest.

“Every morning for seven days, he says nothing else to any of his attending guards, aside requesting to see you. He even addresses you by name.” He clarified further. That was damning, alright.

“I don’t understand.” You said, your voice now small. T’Challa raised an eyebrow.

“I decided to speak to you in private, particularly because I did not want to cause a scene. However, rest assured that I will get to the bottom of this.” His gaze was hard and fixed, and with his emphasis on the word ‘will’, you effectively lost all your bark.

“If you would like to leave, now, you are dismissed.” He directed, his hands clasped behind him. You turned, wordlessly, feeling the heaviness of his gaze on your back as you walked away.

Shuri, your brother suspects me of some… misconduct. I need to get to the bottom of this. This really is the best way to do it.

??? I don’t exactly see how this will make him less suspicious, but I guess I can help! LOL

Shuri and her Americanisms, you thought as you closed the text message. Shuri was kind enough to modify your communicator to securely and most importantly, covertly, to broadcast into N’Jadaka’s cell. As she said, if caught, this would be a lot more condemning than anything. However, you were curious as to what N’Jadaka so desperately needed to say. You acknowledged that you were connected somehow, by something. You had known each other before knowing each other.

You checked the time. It was the early hours of the morning, where the guards would be at their most relaxed state in terms of surveillance. Either way, Shuri had remotely soundproofed N’Jadaka’s cell so no one would hear the two of you speaking. You had told her it was fine if she listened in herself, but she seemed disinterested.

She truly trusted you wholeheartedly and you were grateful for that.

He probably just has some creepy crush on you. I heard about the lunches, you know. What a weirdo…

You didn’t have a good response to that statement at the time. The very thought was repulsive… mostly.

You glanced at the clock again. It was time.

You checked one more time to assure that your quarters were locked and soundproofed, then sat back down on your bed, cross-legged. In all fairness, you were unsure what to expect. Nevertheless, you started the communication.

A full minute passed where all you could hear were the soft sounds of his breathing. Not exactly sleeping, but not exactly active.

“Hello?” you attempted.

A soft rustling of clothing filled the air, the sound of someone moving around to a sitting position. Another minute passed. You were already losing faith in this operation.

“I heard you wanted to see me.”

“Yeah?” Dispassionate was the tone he aimed for, but it held a hint of pleasure. “Can’t get enough of me, huh?” You could practically see the smirk.

You grimaced. “Say what you needed to say.”

“You’re gonna have to come down in person for that, babygirl.”

Typical.

“I’m serious,” he said, filling the silence. The jest had truly left his voice.

“In that case you’ll forever hold your peace.” You responded. N’Jadaka paused for a second, then must have decided it was not worth the silence.

“Since y’all are probably planning to kill me soon, I thought I could make a few confessions to you. Since you saw things.”

You didn’t respond, so he continued.

“Not like excuses or none of that. Just, I wanted someone to talk to. I’ve never had anyone I could just talk to… You know, with the tragic backstory and all… With you, there’s none of that explanation I gotta give.”

That confession hung in the air for a few seconds like a thick fog. You readjusted yourself in your bed, pulling your sheet covers onto your lap. He let out a sigh.

“You still listening?”

“Yes.”

You must have dozed off at some point as he was speaking, because you awoke groggily to find yourself in unfamiliar surroundings. A soft breeze whistled through the grass in the savannah that now stretched before you. You sat up, back pressed against something hard. A tree. An acacia tree.

To your left, a body shifted itself awake. N’Jadaka also sat by your side, the two of you sharing the same bemused look. It was as if to ask ‘where are we’ but the two of you already knew.

This dream state was different from all the times before. For one, N’Jadaka seemed to be sporting his own consciousness this time. In fact, he was wearing a plain brown linen shirt and pants, probably prisoner grade, and looked almost deflated in his clothing. Dark rims lined his eyes, and a gray pallor underlay his skin. You wondered if he had also refused to eat in the past seven days.

“Here we go again,” he murmured. Your feelings exactly. Nothing surprised you at this point.

The heat would have been blistering if not for the cool currents circling between you two. He sighed deeply and got to his feet.

“I’m tired of games. Or maybe just tired.” He started walking ahead of you, and you quickly followed suit, deciding that following this volatile character was probably the lesser of two evils. Who knew when some wild beast could appear and maul you to death.

“You think I’m dead already?” he asked.

“Probably not.”

“I didn’t think so.” He said.

Then why did you ask? You wanted to say, but instead decided to say nothing. You stared ahead of you at the plain which seemed to extend for miles. Neither of you were sure exactly where you were going, but it felt nice to walk nevertheless.

“You said you had things to say, right?” You looked up at him to see him nod.

Suddenly he stopped and raised his head to the sky, eyes closed. Then he looked back at you.

“How do you do this?”

The question surprised you.

“Do what?”

“Stop being angry.”

Again, he was that young boy crying over his father’s fallen body. You closed your eyes as if to rid yourself of that image and looked down at the dry earth at your feet.

“Who told you I stopped?” You replied, a lie. You truly had stopped being angry. That unnatural peace within you had made you forgive, and you could only muster some frustration at the very fact that you were no longer enraged. Even that upset was inconsequential at this point. Bast had made you forgive him and it felt like a violation of your own free will. It was as if you had developed an entirely different character, and as uncomfortable as it was, there was nothing you could do to change it.

N’Jadaka didn’t respond to that and resumed his pace.

“I wonder what she wants this time,” you mused. No reply.

The two of you continued to walk.

Two statues, comprised of pure obsidian stone save for the twinkle of vibranium ore permeating the structures, appeared to rise at the horizon. Twin goddesses, Bast and Sekhmet, locked and intertwined in a struggle frozen in time. Sekhmet stood slightly higher, the sundisk atop her head, glowing alive with a fiery red-orange hue . The two of you watched in awe at the larger than life figures, casting immense shadows that washed over you the further you walked. At this point, you were no longer walking of your own accord, your feet moved itself.

If he dies, Sekhmet wins. There will be no more balance.

You prostrated yourself at the statue of Bast. N’Jadaka did the same at Sekhmet’s feet.

If you die, Sekhmet wins. There will be no more blessing.

You turned and faced each other. Both hands before you, your fingers interlaced, and you too were locked in struggle. N’Jadaka stood taller than you, mirroring the goddesses in battle. What lay behind his eyes was him no longer, neither were you yourself. A glow of red lined his irises, matching your own purple tint.

Then everything faded out, and you awoke again in your bed, in a cold sweat. The dots had finally begun to connect.

N’Jadaka could not be executed because this would cause discord between the goddesses. And if the goddesses were angry…

Bast had tasked you with his protection, even if it did not make sense. Did she pity him? Could he be pitied?

Either way, until there were more answers and more revelations, N’Jadaka had to continue living.

Tagging: @syndrlla97@iwantsomethingeternal @1killmonger @chasingsunlight @hoopshoney@destinio1 @wakanda-inspired @thadelightfulone @lalasparkles @pessimisfit @youreadthatright @stark-red19@ruruly20 @bossyboyd03 @autumn242 @heybriheyyy @thelovelyliterary @muse-of-mbaku @bidibidibombaclaat @supersizemeplz @romanceoftheeveryday @chaneajoyyy@lildashofmelanin

#erik x reader #erik killmonger x reader #black panther #black panther fanfic #by bast

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foundcarcosa · 6 years

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ccc.

1. Favorite childhood book? >> (Three hundred surveys posted to this blog, wow. --I mean, over the course of nearly a decade I’ve probably filled out at least ten thousand, but.) I think that distinction would have to go to The Phantom Tollbooth. It’s one of the only books I remember owning, probably because I’d paged through it so many times. I also modified all the illustrations with pen so that Milo looked like a woman. 2. What are you reading right now? >> Condensed Chaos by Phil Hine -- more like limping through it, because I stopped setting aside time specifically for reading so I just end up grabbing a half a chapter here and there. I’ll have to do something about that. I’d started The Poisonwood Bible a while ago, too, but I keep forgetting to continue it. 3. What books do you have on request at the library? >> I rarely borrow books from the library unless they’re e-books because of my tendency to have to repeatedly renew and eventually take it back before I’m finished because I ran out of renews. 4. Bad book habit? >> Not reading. 5. What do you currently have checked out at the library? >> I don’t, for the reasons stated above. But for all the shit I talk about Grand Rapids, it has a lovely main branch, so I’ll probably end up stopping in again soon, maybe spending a few hours there for a change of scenery.

6. Do you have an e-reader? >> I have a phone, which functions as my e-reader. I also have a Kindle, but between its wack amount of storage space and its quick-draining battery, it’s been relegated to the position of glorified mousepad at this point. (It’s too bad, because I like the screen size.) 7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once? >> Two or three at once. I think it’s interesting to see if/how they subconsciously weave themselves together in my imagination, even if -- especially if -- they’re about completely unrelated things. 8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? >> It’s the internet in general that interferes with my reading habits, not just tumblr, but tumblr obviously plays a part. 9. Least favorite book you read this year (so far?) >> I quit on Cormac McCarthy’s The Road like 10 pages in, and I don’t usually do that but for some reason I got bored really quickly and couldn’t see the point in pushing through. That’s not a total vote in its disfavour because I didn’t actually form a full opinion. Sometimes I just pick up a book at the wrong time and have to wait until I reach the point in my life when I’ll need it. I’ll probably try again in a couple of years. 10. Favorite book you’ve read this year? >> I really enjoyed Reincarnation Blues, I thought it was an amazing story. I also got a lot out of M. K. Asante Jr’s It’s Bigger Than Hip Hop. When the Stars Are Right by Scott R Jones was fascinating as hell, and then of course there was my long-overdue (or maybe right-on-time, considering...) American Gods reread... 11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone? >> Occasionally. The thing is, there are so many books in my comfort zone that I want to read... 12. What is your reading comfort zone? >> I don’t know if it’s quantifiable. I like a lot of different kinds of books. I usually know within 10-15 pages of a book if I’m going to like it or not -- I try not to judge books by their covers, but I definitely judge them by their first chapter. 13. Can you read on the bus? >> Sometimes, but I generally prefer to listen to music and look out the window.

14. Favorite place to read? >> In bed. 15. What is your policy on book lending? >> I’ll give books away. Just take it, read it. Pay it forward. I don’t like to hoard books. 16. Do you ever dog-ear books? >> Hell yes, I do. They’re not a sacred object to me; their contents may well be sacred, but their contents already exist in me because I ate them. 17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books? >> Nah. 18. Not even with text books? >> I don’t use textbooks. 19. What is your favorite language to read in? >> I can only read in English. 20. What makes you love a book? >> It’s a very visceral and subconscious thing, and it’s not dependent on genre or the politics of the author or any of that as much as it’s dependent on who I am at that moment in time, what story I need to hear, and how lovingly the author told it. That sounds like it only applies to fiction books, but it really doesn’t. 21. What will inspire you to recommend a book? >> Some level of understanding of the person I’m recommending it to. 22. Favorite genre? >> I don’t know, honestly. 23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?) >> I wish I read more science fiction. The thing is, most of the scifi stories I love I kind of stumbled into accidentally. Whenever I go looking for scifi specifically, I run into a lot of duds (not that they’re badly written or anything, just that they’re bad for me). I’m going to try Philip K Dick soon and I hope that works out okay. 24. Favorite biography? >> I don’t have one. 25. Have you ever read a self-help book? >> Sure, but I don’t make a habit of it.

26. Favorite cookbook? >> I don’t have one. Well, okay, Feeding Hannibal is pretty cool, ngl, but mostly for the information rather than the actual recipes. We can’t afford to (or don’t have the room/appliances to) make most of that stuff. 27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)? >> Definitely American Gods, but that’s a hard-to-explain thing, lol. The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are is a good runner-up, because as far as inspiration is concerned, Alan Watts probably had more than his fair share of it. (Do comic books count, because if so I’d like to also add in Promethea.) 28. Favorite reading snack? >> Alcohol. (But also anything I can eat with one hand, or doesn’t require a lot of, like, attention.) 29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience. >> I don’t think that’s ever happened. 30. How often do you agree with critics about a book? >> I don’t read critic reviews often enough to know what the ratio of agreement to disagreement would even be like. 31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews? >> A negative review is just as valuable as a positive review. I’d prefer people not be nasty in their negative reviews, but like... I also don’t have to read their review if I don’t like it. It’s not that big of a deal to me. 32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose? >> Russian, probably. I imagine untranslated Russian lit would be amazing to read. 33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read? >> And actually finished? Ha! Let’s see... as far as length, I’d probably pick whatever the longest Stephen King book that I’ve read is. (He meanders, man. He fucking meanders. It’s great, but dear god.) As far as content, I’m probably gonna go with Atlas Shrugged. For, I mean, obvious reasons, really. 34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin? >> That doesn’t really happen to me. If I want to read something, I’ll start reading it. If it proves prohibitive to my limited ability to understand shit, then I’ll put it down and move on. 35. Favorite poet? >> I don’t have one. 36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time? >> Zero. When I do check out from the library, I stick to three books max. 37. How often have you returned book to the library unread? >> Quite often. Usually because I ran out of time. 38. Favorite fictional character? >> YEAH, OKAY. 39. Favorite fictional villain? >> Actually that is almost impossible for me to determine because I don’t even put the “villain” flag on characters unless it’s super fucking obvious (like in a comic book) that they’re supposed to be the Token Bad Guy. I just don’t even think in those terms. -- Now that I say that, though, I remembered that Stephen King characters are written very polarised despite my personal interpretations of them, so I suppose my favourite villain is Walter O’Dim. 40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually have time to read on vacation. Unless it’s on the plane or something, in which case I just bring whatever I happen to be reading at the time. It’s usually on my phone, anyway. 41. The longest I’ve gone without reading. >> I mean, I don’t go a day without reading something, even if it’s just articles I saw on my facebook feed. 42. Name a book that you could/would not finish. >> Fifty Shades of Grey. (I did try. I wrote detailed posts about my thoughts during my attempt to read it. They’re still on my old blog.) 43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading? >> Everything. It’s just hard for me to turn the “noise” (literal and figurative noise) of the world off in general, which is why I like it quiet when I’m trying to focus. 44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel? >> Well, LOTR. I was going to say Predestination but All You Zombies isn’t a novel. Uhh.... :/ 45. Most disappointing film adaptation? >> Good god, so many. 46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time? >> Around $100, I guess. I don’t have much money in general so I try to just... avoid bookstores. 47. How often do you skim a book before reading it? >> I don’t. The first-chapter test usually works just fine. 48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through? >> Boredom. 49. Do you like to keep your books organized? >> Well, we don’t own enough for a complex system to be required. 50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them? >> I really prefer to give them away. It’s just... I’m not a hoarder (I don’t even mean that in the negative sense, I just mean I don’t like hanging onto stuff I’m not actively using). I spent just about all of my adult life up until 2 years ago homeless or some version of transient and having to be ruthlessly exacting about how many belongings I had at any given time really changed the way my brain works regarding material items. I love being able to own things now, but it’s... hard to enjoy having too many objects. I get tetchy. It feels inorganic. Maybe that’ll change in the future (these things often do), but for now owning more than 20 or so books feels like an overindulgence. 51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding? >> I don’t think so. 52. Name a book that made you angry. >> I can’t think of one right now. 53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did? >> The Fountainhead. Any Rand book, actually, because Vlad couldn’t stand her and we had such similar tastes in media that I figured I wouldn’t either. But the immense amount of annoying peer pressure from Sigma eventually got me to pick it up just to get them off my back, and..... well, the rest is hilarious “I’m in love with a crazy Russian woman who makes me want to yell at her constantly” history. 54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t? >> I don’t know. That doesn’t happen very often. 55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading? >> All of it? I don’t feel guilty about anything I read.

#surveysofsamedi #surveys

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motherlifesucher-archives · 7 years

Text

Get Used To It l Shawn Mendes Imagine

a/n: i’m not the biggest fan of the whole friends turned into lovers thing but this came out?? I didn’t give the boyfriend a name or whatever so feel free to picture whoever you want lol, and I know TNHMB is the opening song, I just modified it for the imagine. Anywaysss, hope you enjoy it <3

prompt: Shawn & (y/n) were best friends, until they discover they work out as something more than just that.

“She’s cute.” you said placing your head on your best friend’s shoulder.

You had been the entire day keeping Shawn and the team company as they were shooting the video for Shawn’s latest single. Shawn had invited you to tag along the European leg of the tour and that was an offer you couldn’t decline. You even had the time to spend time with Aaliyah, who was like your little sister, in Barcelona before his show. It had taken time to get your parents’ approval to travel across the ocean to join your best friend, but after some begging from your part and a couple of phone calls from Shawn, they had come around and let you go.

“You think so?” Shawn answered as he checked his phone.

“Yeah, you two would make a cute couple.” you teased him, earning a glare from him.

“You really need to stop trying to find me a girlfriend.” he rolled his eyes.

“I do it because I love you! It’s sad that you always have to come back to me instead of a girl you can kiss or use to satisfy your needs.” you wiggled your eyebrows and this time Shawn groaned in annoyance.

“Remind me why we’re friends again? You are the most annoying human being in the world.”

“Oh, shush. You love me.” you circled your arms around his neck.

“You’re not letting me breathe.” he laughed, trying to free himself from your grip.

“Until what time are you going to be shooting?” you asked checking your watch. “You have to rest, show’s tomorrow.”

“Aw, you care about me.” he said pinching your cheeks.

“No, I wanna go grab something to eat.”

“I don’t think it’s going to take more than an hour. We still have a couple of days scheduled.” he stayed quiet for a moment before he huffed. “I have a radio interview tomorrow morning.”

“The sad life of the pop star.” you made fun of him.

“I’ll barely have five hours to sleep.” he complained.

“You sound like a baby.”

“You’re coming with me.” Shawn said in a demanding tone.

“Excuse me?”

“Technically, I’m paying for the hotels, the flights and all that stuff so the least you can do is come with me to the morning interview.”

“Oh, you’re throwing those things on my face? That’s low,” you laughed. “But fine, I’ll go with you.”

“You’re the best.” he soundly kissed your cheek.

“I know.” you giggled before he was called to shoot again.

The alarm went off at 6:30 and you couldn’t believe it.

You had arrived to the hotel past midnight and hand’t been able to get at least six hours of decent sleep.

Along with the alarm, your phone started buzzing with messages from your parents, your boyfriend, and Shawn, who was making sure you weren’t bailing on him.

The morning was cold, but it wasn’t like you weren’t used to it. You grabbed your phone and left the hotel room, just at the same time Shawn was leaving his room with flushed cheeks and nothing more than a black hoodie and black jeans.

“You went to the gym? You’ve got to be kidding me!” you said already recognizing how looked after going to the gym.

“You can’t expect to have a good day without going to the gym first thing in the morning.”

“Good God, listen to yourself.” you rolled your eyes

“Did you have breakfast?” he asked, changing the subject.

“No, but I have a granola bar on my bag so we’re good to go.” you gave him a smile.

“Thanks for coming with me, I’m getting a bit tired of interviews early in the morning.” he yawned.

“It’s not like you gave me an option.” you rolled your eyes and he softly pushed your body.

“People would kill to have me as a best friend, you know.” he said wiggling his eyebrows.

“Get over yourself.” you giggled as you met one of the guards who was supposed to lead you to the car.

The ride to the radio station was silent since everyone was focusing on their phones until the car was parked. There weren’t many fans which was good, you and Geoff exited first, greeting everyone and quickly getting inside before Shawn appeared to take pictures with the fans who were waiting for him.

The interview went by faster than expected, and the amount of fans had rapidly increased in a matter of minutes and even paparazzi had arrived, meaning it’d be messy tying to get out. You sighed and waited for Shawn who was told to not stop for pictures or autographs for safety reasons. A guard placed himself in front of Shawn and started leading the way for everyone to get inside the car; you could feel getting a bit short of breath and even a bit dizzy, but kept your eyes on Shawn’s back until someone grabbed your arm making you step backwards, almost falling. Andrew took notice of that but he was too far behind to do something about it, and the next thing you felt was Shawn’s hand gripping yours tightly.

Somehow, he placed your body in front of his while not letting go of your hand. You could feel people’s phones in front of your face but it was soon over when Shawn almost pushed your body inside the car so you were out of the woods. Once everyone was inside, a collective sigh of relief was heard.

“That was crazy.” Geoff said fixing his hair.

“Are you okay?” Shawn asked you quietly, concern filling his eyes.

“Yeah, it was nothing. It just caught me off guard.” you gave him a smile.

“Let me see.” he asked with a serious tone.

“Come on, Shawn. It was nothing.” you answered but he gave you a look. “Fine.” you muttered. “It’s just a bit red, it’ll be gone in a couple of minutes.”

“You shouldn’t have come.” he said and this time you gave him a look.

“Are you kidding me?” you laughed. “I get up in the middle of the night, I almost get killed by your fans and you tell me I shouldn’t have come?” you joked while shaking your head, making him laugh.

“Drama queen.” he said under his breath, earning a playful slap on his arm.

You were asleep until your phone started buzzing.

You hadn’t noticed you were asleep on the couch placed on the green room until you saw your phone flooding with messages from your friends.

- WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU AND SHAWN WERE TOGETHER?!?

- WHAT ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND?! WHEN DID YOU TWO BREAK UP?!

- ?!?!?!

- ANSWER DAMMIT.

Your eyebrows furrowed, not understanding what was she talking about, you quickly texted her back, asking her what she meant, until the phone vibrated against your hand, this time it was a message with a picture attached from your boyfriend.

- I thought this ‘trip’ was just you and your best friend spending some time together. Care to explain?

And there it was.

A perfect quality picture of you and Shawn holding hands while trying to make your way through the mass of people. You groaned, internally hitting yourself before replying

- It’s not what you think. Can I call you once I’m back into the hotel?

The answer didn’t take long.

- Why can’t you call me now?

- can’t. shawn’s about to go on stage.

- Right. Shawn.

A sigh escaped your lips, not wanting your boyfriend to be jealous or to have any problems with Shawn, media and everything that was involved on the industry.

After a couple of minutes, Shawn appeared with his guitar and the rest of the team who were keeping him company while he was getting ready. He gave you a big smile before walking towards you.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“We’re dating.” you blurted our and Shawn released a breathy laugh.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“I’m sorry, I think I would remember if I had asked my best friend to become my girlfriend?” he said not knowing if he was confused or wanted to laugh.

A small smile appeared on your lips. “Sorry, it’s just… There are pictures of us holding hands and everyone’s getting the wrong idea.”

“Shit, I’m sorry about that. Does your boyfriend count when you say everyone?” he asked and you nodded. “Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“Yeah. It’s nothing, really. I’m going to my spot, okay?” you hugged him tightly, silently wishing him good luck for the show. “Are you finally going to dedicate me a song?”

“Absolutely not.” he said fumbling with his shirt and guitar.

“You are so clumsy, I don’t understand what your fans see in you.” you teased him before taking a step closer towards him and helping him.

Shawn was silent and his eyes trailed your moves until you returned to your prior spot.

“Good luck.” you told him before walking to the door.

The hotel room was eerily quiet when you arrived.

Shawn and the team were going to dinner but you declined, not wanting to postpone the call with your boyfriend any longer. Your body was shaking nervously waiting for him to pick up, and when he did your heart stopped; not because you were afraid of what he was going to say, but because you didn’t know how to explain the situation without Shawn actually being your boyfriend.

“Hey, how are you?” you asked him after he picked up.

“Why were you holding his hand?”

“I’m good, thanks for asking.” you answered taken aback from his words.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. Did you break up with me and I didn’t notice?”

“No, I didn’t! Will you at least let me speak?” you said getting annoyed.

“Do you really think you have something to say here?” your boyfriend said and you could picture his angry face on your head.

“Hell yes! I didn’t do anything wrong, you’re making assumptions and being childish!”

“Childish? I’m being childish?!” he raised his voice and you moved the phone from your ear. “There are pictures of you holding hands with your oh-so-called best friend!”

“He was trying to protect me, you idiot!” you yelled, not processing the words.

“Don’t call me an idiot, you’re to one who messed up!” he said loudly yet not yelling. You took a deep breath trying to calm down, but it didn’t exactly work.

“I didn’t mess up! I wasn’t feeling good, there were lots of people screaming and grabbing me, so he took my hand to get me out of there, because that’s what’s friends do!”

“No, they don’t do that. I wouldn’t do that!”

“Then you’re a crappy friend.”

“You’re a crappy girlfriend.” he said and you wanted to laugh because the conversation sounded like something a five-year-old would say.

“If I’m such an awful girlfriend then why don’t you just break up with me?”

“You know that’s not what I want! I just want you to explain!”

“Explain what?!” you said laughing and lifting your free arm in the air.

“Why would you let him do that? Why him?”

“Because he was the one who was closest to me?” you said in disbelief. “You know what? We should talk tomorrow, this is not doing us any good.”

“Why, you wanna go back to Shawn?” he spat Shawn’s name with hatred laced on his voice.

“Come on..”

“No, I’m drawing the line here. Either you come back home right now or we’re done.” he told you and your eyes opened widely.

“Then I guess we are so fucking done.” you said and cut the call.

You didn’t move from where you were standing until you let the phone drop to the floor, covering your face with your hands.

There weren’t any tears, just a lot of feelings freely moving around your body.

Not wanting to think about anything or anyone, you climbed into the bed and fell asleep with the sound of the city outside the window.

You hadn’t said the word during the entire day.

You had moved to another city were Shawn was playing a new show, yet from the moment you arrived, you locked yourself in the hotel room and didn’t leave.

Everybody knew something was up, but no one dared to ask what had happened, at least not until you informed you weren’t feeling good so you were not going to attend the show.

It didn’t take Shawn longer than ten minuted to get to the door and start knocking.

“Get up, I know you’re not asleep.” Shawn’s voice echoed in the hallway and made its way through the door.

“Go away!” you said loud enough so he could hear you.

“I can wait here forever.” he knocked the door again.

“Actually, you can’t. You have a show to play.”

“Pity. All those people will be kept waiting because you aren’t capable of getting up and opening this door.” he said and you sighed.

Rolling your eyes, you got up from the bed and opened the door, not caring to even look at Shawn before going back to bed.

“What happened?” Shawn asked as he locked the door.

“Does it look like something happened?”

“Uh, yeah. Look at yourself.” he said taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

“I really don’t want to the show tonight, Shawn. I’m sorry.”

“And I’m okay with that,” he lied. “I just want to know what’s wrong with you.”

“Nothing’s wrong with me.” you said growing tired of the conversation.

“You can’t fool me (y/n), and you know it.”

You took a deep breath a fixed your eyes on his. “He broke up with me, okay?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” he said moving closer to your body, but you placed a hand in front of you.

“Don’t. I’m not sad about it.” you said and he frowned.

“I’m lost.”

“It’s just… He treated me like I meant nothing. He didn’t stop making assumptions about our relationship and I’m just so mad. I don’t deserve that.” you said, finally letting a few tears escape your eyes.

“Of course you don’t deserve that,” Shawn said wiping them away with his thumb. “I’m sorry that I caused you trouble, I just wanted to help you through the crowd.” Shawn said and you shook your head before taking his warm hands on yours.

“Don’t apologize. I’d want you to do that over and over again.” you blurted out, not realizing the words.

Shawn looked down and smiled. “I’d love to do that over and over again.”

Now you smiled. “I still don’t feel very good for going to the show, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine…” silence filled the room after the words left his lips. “Do you want to go back home? Because I’d understand if…”

“Shawn,” you cut his rambling. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be. Now go make some people happy.” you let go of his hands but it was like Shawn was glued to his spot on the bed.

“Right… Don’t beat yourself up, okay?” he said slowly getting up.

“Okay.” you smiled at him.

and then he cautiously inclined his body towards yours, leaving a kiss on your cheek before turning around and closing the door behind him.

Shawn didn’t know what happened to him.

He didn’t understand what had happened to him.

All of a sudden every sense in his body ignited at the mere sound of your voice.

He became paranoid, not wanting people to discover whatever was going on inside of him, all the feelings that were eating him alive.

It had been three weeks since you had broken up with your boyfriend, and the same time since these strange feelings had made an appearance.

He found himself listening to his own songs, the very same lyrics he had written with different sense; a sense that only reminded him of you.

He craved seeing your smile from the stage every night, or hearing your laugh after he said something silly, or catching you taking pictures of him as he was thinking.

He knew what was going on, but he just didn’t want to admit it, though he had to say the situation had given him great inspiration for new songs.

Now, he was sitting right beside you on the green room as you ate some Skittles while watching Netflix, completely unaware of his eyes on your body.

“Dude, you’re being obvious.” Shawn jumped at the sound of Geoff’s voice.

“What are you talking about?” Shawn asked trying to act nonchalant, but Geoff gave him a look. “Fine, just… don’t say anything, I haven’t even processed it myself.” Shawn said placing his head on his hands in frustration.

“You should give it a shot, I’m sure she won’t turn you down.”

“What? Has she said something?!” Shawn asked and his eyes widened, earning a laugh from Geoff.

“No, but I’m serious. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Eh, she’ll say no and it’ll ruin our friendship?”

“You’re dramatic.” Geoff patted Shawn’s back before getting up and leaving to talk with someone else.

Shawn started to build some courage to do something about his feelings, until he felt the couch shift.

“Hey, do you want to watch a movie?” you said placing your laptop on your thighs.

“Depends, is it Avengers again?”

“Come on, you love it.”

“I liked it it first two times, now it’s annoying.”

You gasped. “We can’t be friends anymore.”

“Oh, come here.” Shan said softly grabbing you by the shoulders and placing your head on his legs.

You accommodated your head on his lap and it didn’t take long for Shawn to start playing with your hair. People in the room were staring and smiling, but neither of you paid attention as you picked a random episode of How I Met Your Mother.

None of you knew how much time had passed until Andrew came in and told Shawn it was time to start getting ready for the show. You blushed when noticed his hand was still on your hair. Shawn reluctantly let go of your hair and got up to get ready.

On the other hand, you tried to walk out of the room as unnoticed as possible, quickly heading towards the restroom and splashing your face with cold water, knowing exactly what the butterflies filling your stomach meant.

The next two weeks went on like that.

Light touches and shy laughs were exchanged between the two of you on a daily basis.

Everyone around knew there was something new, even Shawn’s parents who had been visiting were able to notice something was changing, it wasn’t just a friends relation anymore.

But none of you had done something about it until now.

Shawn was tired, he wasn’t talking much and the only answer people were getting from him were complaining noises, making the backstage atmosphere a bit tense.

No one dared to go inside his dressing room, not wanting to perturb him more than necessary, but of course you were the exception.

You knocked the door and after hearing him say it was open, you came inside and saw him lying on the floor with his guitar.

“Isn’t your back bothering you?” you asked him.

“(y/n), I don’t feel like talking right now.” he said with a tired voice.

“I know, but I’m not too fond of the idea of leaving you here by yourself if you’re not feeling good.”

“I’m just thinking, I’m fine.”

“Thinking about what?” you asked him quietly.

“You.”

Your eyes widened and your lips parted slightly. Silence filled the room as Shawn sighed and slowly got up from his spot on the floor, leaving his guitar on the couch.

“I’m just thinking about you.” he finally admitted.

“What about me?” you said suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

“You are on my mind all the time, it’s annoying.” he said shaking his head.

“Why is it annoying?”

“Because I really want to tell you that I like you, a lot. I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know when it happened, but here I am. It annoys me that maybe you’ll never see me this way and even if you did, you deserve better than someone who’s moving around the whole time, with no privacy…”

and suddenly, his rambling was interrupted.

The only thing Shawn did when he felt your lips on his was placing his hands on your hips, trying to bring you closer as he tried to comprehend what was going on.

It wasn’t a long kiss, it only lasted a few seconds until he felt your smile against his lips.

“I think about you all the time, too. but it’s not annoying, I like it.” you whispered and bit your lip nervously at the closeness.

This time, he ran his thumb over your lower lip and kissed you.

Just like it was meant to be.

Today was the last date of the tour.

You had left the tour almost three months ago, but still visited quite often.

The honeymoon phase of every relationship was supposed to be the best, but other you and Shawn had to admit it was weird while you were at home and he was all the way across the ocean, but you still made it work.

Now you were in Tokyo, waiting for the show to start. Shawn announced he had made a slight change on the order of the songs, but no one said anything since it was the last show.

His entire family was there, and you still couldn’t stop blushing every time he took your hand, pecked your lips or called you his girlfriend in front of them, being used to being the best friend.

Fans knew you were there since the internet was flooded with pictures of you and Aaliyah sitting together on the plane, going through customs and exiting the airport with linked arms as Manny and Karen followed closely behind.

Now, the three of you were sitting on his dressing room, laughing at the best pictures you had taken of him during the length of the tour until he was told it was time to get ready and you and Aaliyah had to go to your places.

“I hope you mess something up.” Aaliyah said hugging her brother tightly.

“Thanks Liyah.” he laughed and ruffled her hair.

“Good luck.” you whispered on his ear as you hugged him.

“I won’t need it.” he said cockily before pecking your lips.

“You’re too full of yourself.” you said rolling your eyes.

“I know right? He needs help.” Aaliyah agreed with you before leaving the room.

“So, when I wrote this song, I didn’t have someone in mind. There were just feelings I wanted to feel, and now, months after I wrote this I can finally sing this song fully knowing what it feels to be so in love with someone that there are no barriers, it’s just love and the rush of being together. This is There’s Nothing Holding Me Back.”

And as the chords started playing he flashed you a smile.

His best smile.

And then you knew….

He was finally dedicating you a song.

And you were in love.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes one shot

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flippinoptimist · 6 years

Text

> Vel : Meet a nerdlord

Today at 2:45 AM

deputyheadmistress Alright, someone talking to you on my behalf about a lack of privacy got to me a bit. But I'm not upset with you for how the internet behaves.

flippinoptimist thats lurky, theyre a little closer to omniscient than is average for most beings, and like kind of giving advice, and they mean well i think they meant it mostly to make me stop chargin around in like, manic mode, though, even if stuff relatin to you was the causal start of the chain sorry you got dragged into it miss granger, and that i wasn't doin the tact thing

deputyheadmistress I didn't mean them, I meant the thread about different faux book titles. But a close to omniscient being is, I suppose, something I'll also have to get used to. I'm at least a bit used to manic teens, though it's not the best way to get shocking information.

flippinoptimist i think my earth age would technically start with a two, but thats sorta recent after you spend enough time around here you get used to the like, multiverse

deputyheadmistress Can we, perhaps, stop talking about the multiverse for a few moments? And talk about something a bit more grounding, like your particular brand of magic. I'm very curious.

flippinoptimist sure its sorta a fusion of everything ive run across, since the inherent stuff that my ~destiny~ tried to put on me isnt the same kind of stuff as the place where im learnin the inherent is more of a "woo, heres a big abstract concept, you are an incarnation / channeler of a shard of it, neato"

deputyheadmistress That sounds like a lot to dig into, but alright.

flippinoptimist the school part is about how you can structure thought and energy flow into symbols and runes and things i'm focusin on artificing ..and the inherent part has given me a knack for illusions i cant figure out how to actually cast spells but im good at making things!

deputyheadmistress Oh! I was very good at ancient runes during my time at Hogwarts, and while I haven't managed to do much with it since graduation, other than an enchanted bag, I'd be really curious to see what similarities there might be. I wonder if you can cast spells. Logic seems like it'd point to yes, but if you're from somewhere else...

flippinoptimist id be curious about them! i know the words to a few spells but ive never seen them and do naut have a wand of the kind you are thinking of the wands i know about / make each have a specific spell in them, and are locked to create a specific effect that triggers when a gesture or word or w/e happens

deputyheadmistress That's terribly inefficient.

flippinoptimist sure, its Terrible

deputyheadmistress ... Is that referencing those historical people of note who end up being so infamous people associate them with the word 'Terrible' as well?

flippinoptimist naut much different than having a necklace that makes you invisible though yes! it also enables a billion terrible puns

deputyheadmistress I was curious. It's a bit strange to add it yourself, don't you think?

flippinoptimist (ba dum tsh)

deputyheadmistress Oh.

flippinoptimist it is

deputyheadmistress Well, that explains that, doesn't it?

flippinoptimist but my species has this thing, where on adulthood we each replace our kid name with an adult Title

deputyheadmistress Oh, it's a cultural thing.

flippinoptimist yeah, and i chose a human one

deputyheadmistress Alright. I read a little bit on that.

flippinoptimist because humans are neat and i like them

deputyheadmistress Oh! Well, I'm glad you like humans, then.

flippinoptimist and i respect a lot of the cultural things i see in most of the human places i have found

deputyheadmistress Good, I was about to ask that.

flippinoptimist also everything that comes out of japan is amazing

deputyheadmistress I don't know how I could let you use a wand from here, but I want to try.

flippinoptimist id love to try if you can think of a way! i am pretty good at establishing first contact with new universes, and i could get you alien tech and magic to check out if you wanted for various definitions of alien

deputyheadmistress ... Alien tech won't work so well on Hogwart's grounds. I had to heavily modify this computer so it'd function here.

flippinoptimist i am curious about how

flippinoptimist alllsooo.... ill have to find a copy of the magic version of getting around from place to place

deputyheadmistress Oh! I wrote a whole thesis on how to make magic more compatable with muggle text over the summer, let me...

flippinoptimist but i know where to find it! couple of steps and itll work out okay

deputyheadmistress I'll send it to you later. It's a bit lengthy, and I have to type it up here. Alright, I'll hold.

flippinoptimist okay i hate to say this because i am definitely interested in exchangin data and showin things, but it feels rude not to remind you before we get much further that a step of getting this to work is probably going to involve me (random internet stranger) havin to figure out what your coordinates are, so i can write them in the format needed for the circley part i can get you the circle rune pattern either way, but if you want a way to actually use it, id need to basically track your IP but, like, fancy and involving you running a thing on a computer let me know if you want to do that part, but heres the circle diagram

flippinoptimist -- flippinoptimist began sending file : transportationcircle.pdf --

deputyheadmistress I have been warned about random internet strangers.... I may have to work on protection wards for a moment, for the sake of safety.

flippinoptimist sure thing i highly advise not using that w/o fillin in coordinates the way it says, and also not without knowin your home coordinates if you step through that thing, the only way back is to know how to write your home address, you know?

deputyheadmistress Alright

flippinoptimist to find home coordinates, install one a these chat programs, and send me a private message, i can use a couple a tools to trace the connection from there and get your code

deputyheadmistress This is certainly the sort of decision I want to be making at five in the morning. Alright, I've got everything set up. What is life without adventure, and the chance to make the headmistress mad at me.

flippinoptimist lol the decision will still be here at not five in the morning, but you wont be able to blame it on the time then shit i should give you the programs shouldnt i -- Discord, Trollian! --

deputyheadmistress Thank you.

flippinoptimist i have a set of coords i can give you that are explicitely for being a neutral place to meet people, but the sky isnt done yet so its janky lookin but! the building is finished

deputyheadmistress I've chosen a fairly neutral place for the moment, don't worry.

flippinoptimist ok!

deputyheadmistress > Message him on Discord. This will be absolutely fine. Totally.

flippinoptimist > He messages her back! About two minutes later, he gives her the number version of her coordinates, which she can use to get back home from anywhere. He also gives her the coordinates to the convenience store, which he mentions is "a pocket dimension under construction"

deputyheadmistress > She'll... Write that down and probably not do anything with it for a while. > If he tries to look at her coordinates directly, it will really really not work, as if his machine were glitching, but he can probably go a few miles out for a nice view of a scottish country side.

flippinoptimist > Neat! He ..does poke that far, but then sets his machine to go back to looking somewhere else. The coordinates are saved, but he promises to himself to not use them. if somebody gives you coordinates, you can go places, or people w/ yours can send you stuff or come visit

deputyheadmistress Alright. This is going to take a bit of getting used to, but if you want to come over you can.

flippinoptimist > ..man, he was supposed to be in time out, but lately he'd been doing so well ..until today.. and he'd been leaning into choosing the Chaotic choices more and more often... > What good was putting yourself in time out if you didn't stick to it?

flippinoptimist crazy o clock in the mornin probably aint the best time for first impressions, though its temptin as hell. i could send across some small magic gunk and weird alien snacks as a proof of concept, and meet you like, tomorrow or another day soon?

deputyheadmistress That sounds good! I'll send you some magic things too, then.

flippinoptimist sweet! we can compare notes

deputyheadmistress > Time to gather some of George's jokes and some magical candy.

flippinoptimist > He would send an invisibility ring, a few novelty disguises, a small opal that made anyone within line of sight experience a slightly sweet taste (in a well-shielded bag), and a variety of alternian mass-produced snackfoods labled in a clearly alien language. Ones he thought might not creep out humans too bad.

deputyheadmistress > Bertie botts every flavor beans are a necessity, though she does make sure to include a carefully penned note about what flavors he may come across that are less pleasant. Chocolate frogs are included as well, of course. Things that turn skin different interesting colors, fireworks that make flame animals bound through the air.

flippinoptimist > He is going to admire the hell out of and carefully store these for later perusal.

deputyheadmistress > He also gets a somewhat large coinpurse that he can shove his whole arm in and still seem to not run out of room.

flippinoptimist okay this is a pretty neat bag stupid question and no i am not going ot try, what happens when you turn it inside out

deputyheadmistress You could turn it out for a really long time. I think it'd be annoying to stuff it back in though

flippinoptimist okay, what if i went for a swim in the ocean with it is there a limit?

deputyheadmistress Of course there's a limit. But it can hold a tent or two, several thin blankets, changes of clothing, general everyday use things, and of course money. Thin things work better, obviously. You could probably fit thick blankets, but it'd be way more annoying both to put them in and pull them out.

flippinoptimist that makes a lotta sense and is pretty interestin i have a tech way of carrying lots of stuff, but you mentioned tech was sad

deputyheadmistress Oh! I have a print version of the paper I was going to type up.

flippinoptimist ive got an amulet thats basically like a mr potato head that disguises you all the runework lines up so you can unclip parts and clip in different parts

deputyheadmistress > Send that along, also. There's moving pictures involved, with her pictured. Oh wow.

flippinoptimist modular!

deputyheadmistress I don't think describing it as 'Mr Potato Head' is reassuring, for a disguise, but a modular disguise is interesting.

flippinoptimist it only works when everything is seated in firmly and shut, but its also sort of like legos > He .. sends a modular disguise amulet over too, with a couple of bits and pieces it only does disguises for my species, but hey, maybe thatll be handy

deputyheadmistress Maybe.

flippinoptimist pro tip if you are ever going to go to a place with my species, ask them which color of person is best for you to be can of worms subject really

deputyheadmistress That sounds racist as hell.

flippinoptimist oh yeah

deputyheadmistress Joy.

flippinoptimist p much sometides people call the usual empress "fish hitler" most of the dudes i know are huge rebels

deputyheadmistress The magical world just recently got done with a war similar to Hitler's.

flippinoptimist but! there are placeswhere things are fine its just good to check if a place is one of them first

deputyheadmistress So I'm a little sick of that.

flippinoptimist i hang out in like three different places where she got deposed differentamounts of time ago yeah thats aight

deputyheadmistress At least there's that.

flippinoptimist speaking of humans, its great how often its naut like that like, sometimes, but anyway people can be pretty cool when teyre given teh chance

deputyheadmistress I do like to believe in the inherent goodness of people, despite how much bad has happened.

flippinoptimist i think people can choose how theyre gonna be theresa lotta nice reasons to choose not to be a dick

deputyheadmistress I should hope you wouldn't need reasons, but yes there are reasons to be nice.

flippinoptimist sometimes bein mean is tempting, otherwise people wouldnt do it you get all wrapped up in somethin, dont see all of it, then suddenly you get a reality check an gotta go "hey is this where i wanna be" and then people ignore the question because they dont wanna think about it and then its sealed, theyre dicks and theyll stay that way

flippinoptimist till they look around again

deputyheadmistress I suppose.

flippinoptimist i spend a lotta time thinkin about it i was a jerk when i was younger, and i decided to be nice instead so i spend a lot of time talkin to dudes who are or were also jerks and we all get better! cause i can help them find the reasons they need to start

flippinoptimist also jerks are sometimes kinda hilarious, and theyre often pretty good at shit. otherwise theyd have learned better when they ran into a problem they couldnt solve w/o help.

deputyheadmistress It's getting a bit late. I think I should probably turn in for the night, before all of the teenagers wake up and need scowling at.

flippinoptimist that is probably a thing i hope you have a good night miss granger it was nice meetin you

deputyheadmistress It was really interesting talking to you, Vel.

flippinoptimist i try for interestin

deputyheadmistress Do you really need to try?

flippinoptimist not really

deputyheadmistress Have a good night. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

flippinoptimist bye!

#ooc eyes only #deputyheadmistress

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