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wetcatspellcaster · 1 day

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Metapost: "The Ascendent"

**this is a meta for my fic, Pieces Still Stuck in Your Teeth, and NOT a discussion of the BG3 game canon in any way. If you try and make this into a disk-horse, I will BITE you**

(spoilers under the cut for Chapters 1-23 of Pieces Still Stuck in Your Teeth).

So... remember in the Chapter One endnote when I said I was a Spike/Buffy fan first, and a person second? x

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In more seriousness, there was a number of fictional seasonings/ingredients that went into creating what I felt was the villain of a Gothic horror, and what I felt could turn the Ascendent into something that was both 'fixable', and something I enjoyed writing.

Those ingredients were:

Spike and the idea of 'soulless' vampires in the BtVS canon - do I like this conceit of BtVS worldbuilding and how it's used in the show? No. I think it often underlines how bad Whedon is at writing romance. BUT I do think it gives Buffy this free pass for which vampires she can/can't like or adopt, and I needed some of that for my protagonist. I need a 'I can fix him' moment - BtVS has those in fucking SPADES.

Howl's Moving Castle (this one was accidental, I'm still mad at myself but I can't deny it's there) - man conducts magic ritual for power, removing an essential part of himself in the process that needs to be returned

Picture of Dorian Gray (the idea of an exterior staying pristine while something hidden suffers and decays)

Curse of Strahd (the soulless in Barovia, which I mentioned in Chapter 23)

The idea of default moral alignments in D&D. I have a whole chapter arguing against this in my thesis (mostly bc it's often applied to entire races) but I was fascinated by creating a set of circumstances where I feel like a default moral alignment is valid, actually. 7,000 deaths seems like a good set up. I wanted to imagine a being that was trapped within a default moral alignment, and the laws of its very being prevent it from being good no matter what it tries, and it knows that (this kind of creates a feedback loop with the Spike/Buffy stuff)

The parts of the BG3 canon I took and REMADE (I'm stressing this throughout, I was making a horror story and a horror monster your honour):

Astarion conducts the Rite of Profane Ascension with scars on his back, but has to scar Cazador's back personally, suggesting that um... the Rite REALLY SHOULDN'T BE CONDUCTED BY SOMEONE WHO'S GOT THOSE SCARS. Cazador wasn't going to do it that way, is all I'm saying!!

The idea that Ascended!Ending Astarion is a concentrated version of certain traits that have persisted throughout his story - his flirtiness, his understanding of sex as a mechanism and expression of power, his use of a façade as a mask for trauma he refuses to acknowledge.

The lines alluding to dissociation in the brothel foursome, post-Ascension.

The idea that Astarion seduced Tav to survive or protect himself- in my case, because I made the Ascendent empty save for Astarion's survival instinct, the idea that he would gravitate towards Tav as one of his default modes to potentially survive made sense to me - this is why it becomes an obsession.

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For me, when writing, the Ascendent is a few things:

An intensification of vampirism in a different, fucked-up direction. Yeah, A!Astarion, you can walk in sunlight and you can eat and drink and don't need blood. But you are still a hungering maw of emptiness that feels like it will never be whole or close and connected to the living - just now in a wildly different, metaphysical/existential direction! Welcome to depression, alienation, and otherness!

A soulless being, that knows it is soulless - that initially was very happy with its life but then as the years passed, increasingly spends its every waking moment knowing there is something innately wrong with it that it can't seem to shake, no matter how much it engages with life and all the pleasures of life. (see the 'every meal without savour' speech)

A magically literal metaphor for Astarion's dissociation in moments of extreme trauma, up to and including the fight with Cazador - essentially, the moments when there is nothing but a performance or an exterior, because the self/soul are suffering and they cant' come to phone right now

Astarion's survival instinct. As I say in Chapter 23 - Mephistopheles thinks it is an empty body, who's performance is trying to deny the reality of it's own existence. Rosalie, who has a bit more understanding of Astarion, sees that the performance is not just a coping mechanism but one of Astarion's main modes of survival. The Ascendent is Astarion's survival instinct/techniques for endurance, without any soul or person behind them to protect. This is how I tried to tie in the flirty, hypersexual persona and wrap it with a bow.

I wanted a monster that was undeniably scary, and monstrous to me (oh? you can't fit in or be happy no matter what you do and no matter how hard you try, and you think there's something intrinsically off? how's that autism diagnosis going Emma) but that I also felt sympathy and true sorrow for. I needed to have motivations for him chasing after Tav that I could write meaningfully from and sympathise with.

Not only has Astarion used Tav as a life-raft once before, they've also proven to be the most secure thing he's ever clung to. Of course a rabid survival instinct Astarion would become obsessed, and see them as a potential solution to the problem (this was then intensified by Rosalie also being a walking, overbearing moral compass, and having bound him in a contract in the first week of living, accidentally - a lawful good immoveable objects meets a default moral alignment unstoppable force.)

...Because I also wanted that moral alignment spice!! Wizards of the Coast, default moral alignment is fucked up actually!!! Imagine something trying so desperately to be good - literally being bound in a pact and having been told to be good - but the laws of the universe and its very essence are like "nah mate, we kind of want to destroy and annihilate everything, we're neutral evil personified". That's scary!! that's fucked up!! that's what a birth from 7000 deaths gets you!!!

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So, now for the actual timeline, for people who aren't interested in my silly musings but mostly just want answers lmfao.

Rosalie makes the decision not to intervene in Cazador's mansion, making it seem like she'll support whatever decision Astarion will make there.

Rite of Profane Ascension happens. Astarion conducts the ritual, rips his own soul from his body, the Ascendent is born with literally zero context. Mephistopheles is fucked in Cania, because a bunch of stuff has just gone wrong.

(oh, by the way, the Ascendent knows Infernal as a default language. Bc it's born from an Infernal rite.)

The Ascendent is now default neutral evil, and feeling some kind of way. Rosalie and him break up. He's supposed to have everything, but the one thing he thought was a done deal - his most stalwart suppporter - just rejected him.

Netherbrain defeat (the Ascendent is not invited. Imagine being an all-powerful, hypersexual survival instinct vampire, and your ex-girlfriend neither wants you for sex, nor your power.)

Rosalie accidentally binds the Ascendent (a soulless devil) in a pact demanding that he never kill anyone, when that's literally what the Ascendent's new existence/new default moral alignment is driving him to do. Then, she fucks off and goes into hiding.

Well. The Ascendent can just get another wizard, to help him learn all of Cazador's secrets to cope [Hemlock is recruited].

The years go by! The Ascendent is doing sooooo well. Everything is great, guys! I'm rich, I'm beautiful, I have lavish parties and lots of sex - why do I feel nothing? I'm a vampire perfected - I have no hunger for blood, I can walk in the sun, I can enjoy all the freedoms of a living, breathing man - why do I feel like I'm starving? Why does everything turn to ashes in my mouth? I have friends - oops, I've sabotaged all those friendships with my innate neutral evil destruction. Why can't I feel anything? What's wrong with me? I'm doing everything right? Why doesn't it feel that way?

Also, I can't kill anything to feel better about it, because my hidden ex-girlfriend bound me in a pact.

In this time, to reflect the gradual degradation of the Ascendent's happiness and it's increasing awareness that it is something Other and innately wrong, the reflection starts going weird. Starts going strange. Starts getting a bit fucked up. Almost as if, when he looks in the mirror and sees a person, *nothing* should be what's there. Imagine being a spawn who couldn't see your reflection, and then a vampire who could see it's reflection, but knows that they're innately empty. Knows there's nothing there. I'd freak out a little bit about it as well tbh, I'd go a bit tooth and claw and elongated jaw about it.

The Ascendent finally admits that's there must be something kinda fucked about it. Life just ain't working out, lads. He starts looking for any and all impossible cures that will help with the malaise in his soul (and that innate essence problem, caused by default moral alignment). These include: more bad decisions, such as a house in Cania bc the Ascendent is hoping he'll feel more at home with devils than he does with mortals. All it does is make him feel more isolated and alone.

But eventually, he settles on two things! - Wish (Hemlock's idea), and Rosalie (the Ascendent's idea). Clearly, we just need Rosalie back! Her leaving is actually what fucked him up in the first place - none of this existential bullshit! She fixed us one, she can fix us again.

But looking for Rosalie hasn't worked out. In order to get a shot at her, the Ascendent goes and bargains for his own soul from Mephistopheles. Mephistopheles, adding a new sheet in excel titled 'what the fuck happens when i give this soulless monster a soul to play with?', agrees and starts tracking his new data.

Obviously, just putting the soul back in yourself will fix you. But the Ascendent, the nothingness living inside Astarion's body, will die. Taking the soul back would erase itself. The Ascendent - who is survival instinct personified - would never do this.

So instead, it starts interviewing and cannibalising the soul. Bc a soul is what it needs, this is the closest it's ever felt to being alive. Bc it's made this all about Rosalie, he thinks he's found his solution. The chase is making him feel alive again. It's true love, lads! not the soul.

Wish auction happens - the Ascendent is beaten to the punch by some unknown (hot) wizard.

This avenue cut off, the Ascendent makes the decision to try and win Rosalie back.

Astarion advises that to make her come back to the Gate, he should murder a bunch of people. Because this comes from the soul, not the soulless devil nothingness, it circumvents the pact.

...The events of Pieces begin!

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And finally - the Ascendent tries to destroy Jar!Starion for many reasons in Chapter 19:

The Ascendent knows that it dies, if the soul and the body get reunited (or is that constant high alert survival instinct just no longer needed, because the problem is fixed? you decide.)

The Ascendent values Tav above itself. Tav is going to fix them. Astarion believes he could never fix himself.

Dissociation - that soul isn't me. I'm here, looking at my soul. If I get too close, it'll kill me.

Self-hatred - that soul isn't me. That man made a mistake, and I've had to live with the consequences. He doesn't deserve to live, for what he's made me become.

The knowledge that Rosalie/Tav will only ever want that version of him, not the one that's living and breathing, that sees itself as the most wretched, fucked-up version of itself. So... give them no choice. They have to deal with me and love me at my worst.

And if the Rite didn't work - if the version of the Ascendent walking around isn't the best one, and the one people want... what was it all for? Why does the Ascendent feel like this? Why does it have to suffer?

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....And, that's my little meta post! If anyone has any questions about the timeline or any motivations at any points in the fic, I'm obviously more than happy to explain things via ask/comment, as always!

TLDR: I just wanted to make a Gothic horror. I wanted a dark romance, fucked up obsession vampire/mortal dynamic, but I also wanted a situation that was scary for both Astarion and my Tav. I personally think an Astarion who is so dissociated and separate from reality that he feels that in his bones daily, is scary. It's the lingering impact of the traumas the Rite and those 7,000 souls embodied.

I was literally just trying to make it a horror, for everyone involved.

#metaposts #long posts #my writing #wip: pieces still stuck in your teeth #spoilers!#i've never really explained my writing process before in this depth so... I hope it makes sense!#writing meta

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heartoflesh · 2 days

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Who knew, the key to writing was to just write 😀

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coyote-nebula · 1 year

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To everyone who has lush fields ripe with story ideas but is struggling to go out and actually harvest them with your writer’s scythe: that’s alright. There’s a reason.

I see writers despairing or making self-deprecating jokes about how many wips they have, as if the ability to come up with the idea is equal to the ability to finish it out into an end product.

It isn’t.

A lot of our ideas come about, not because we were determined to be productive writers, but because daydreaming is an internal escape from life’s demands.

Writing is a demand, too.

Resting and relaxing are basic needs, unlike the high level, abstract satisfaction of being creatively productive. That’s why you might daydream (which is a mild and normal form of dissociation) ideas that you feel good about, and then struggle to research, write the words, fill plotholes, check grammar, revise— all the critical thinking and executive function things involved in creation. Your basic needs must be satisfied before your higher needs can be met effectively.

So, if you’re daydreaming about your stories extensively to mitigate stress, it’s expecting a lot of your stressed self to return from fantasy land, sit down in the cold hard real world and do the hard work to write masterpieces of literature. Those operations are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Writing is hard. Making yourself feel guilty is only going to make it harder. You don’t have to atone for entertaining or distracting your mind by making that available to other people. Daydreaming is a valid end in itself.

Don’t feel bad about having ideas but not being able to write them. Scribble some notes if you can, if you want, but above all enjoy the escapism and take care of yourself first. The words will come after.

#I remind myself of this constantly #sometimes the resources you need to write with are occupied by something higher priority #self care will get you back to writing much faster than banging your head against the wall #writing meta #fic meta #writing advice #in fact this post has been a draft for forever

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luckydragon10 · 2 years

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Fic Writers: You Need No Justification

I've had a few noteworthy incidents recently with the way readers have chosen to engage with my fic.

First, an early TLDR: Fic writers, you are under no obligation to justify either yourself or your writing choices to your readers. Ever.

There may come a day when a commenter thinks they can say whatever they like, without any care as to how that might affect you. They might, possibly, even be hoping to get a reaction. When that happens, I want you to remember that this commenter Is not your audience.

And you don’t have to let them walk all over you.

Recently, a commenter chose to disagree with my characterization and relationship dynamic choices, starting with a dismissive “Naah” and saying “I don’t like this idea that…” and “I don’t like this {character}...” and “I am sad now…” and “I can’t continue.”

And I chose to tell them to back off. Firmly. Then I got a response that really concerns me.

Name is hidden for no reason in particular. Because it’s a throwaway name anyway.

First of all, this commenter folded as soon as I showed I wouldn’t cater to them. Second, the fact that this person comments anonymously with “random names” is a dead giveaway that they know their behavior isn’t above board, and that having it traced back to them would be less than fun for them.

I also had another commenter recently who willfully chose to ignore tags, triggered themself, and left a comment about how upset they were. Similarly, I reminded this person that they chose to read the fic and recommended they make healthier choices for their own sake.

So once again: As a fic writer, you don’t have to cater, you don’t have to placate, and you don’t have to justify yourself.

(Note: The threads are frozen already, no need to go searching or get involved.)

#fic #writing #ao3 #writing meta #fic writing #fic writers #fanfic #fanfiction #writers #fanfic writers

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sam-glade · 5 months

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Poets of Tumblr: how do you do it?

What is your process for writing a poem?

Do you plan it or do you get stuck with inspiration all of sudden and must write it down? How much do you revise and edit? Do you let it sit between revisions? How long does it take to create a poem?

(These are genuine questions from a curious fiction writer who hasn't dabbled in writing poetry)

#please reblog with your responses #poets on tumblr #writing #poetry #poetblr #poets #writing meta #writeblr

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landwriter · 1 year

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i am sorry i was so close-

#i've missed searching up all these little bits!! ahh!!!#oaths #honestly there's no excuse here #like #NONE #fic writing is just a vehicle for me to justify following up on every single 'i wonder...' that flickers thru my simple brain #am but a cat chasing a laser of curiosity on a wall and if the scratches i leave are legible it's icing on the cake #also frankly local heirloom & landrace fruit varieties are rad as fuck #i am never gonna resist the urge for a deep dive on that front #some of THE biggest nerds i've ever encountered are farmers market gardeners and growers #so in my meagre defense it is a very well-established Nerd Attractant #fanfic #about me #writing meta

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deliciouskeys · 15 days

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To make up for the poll that assumes everyone has maxed out their writing skills and wouldn’t wish to magically improve…

#fanfiction #fic writing #polls #ao3 #writing meta #writing #fanfic #original writing

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vavandeveresfan · 16 days

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When that short story I love was rejected by pretty much everyone.

#writblr #writers on tumblr #writing community #writers of tumblr #writeblr #it always happens I sell the story I don't really care about but the one I love is rejected :-(#rejection #short story #writer life #writing life #writer #writers #writing memes #writing meta #queue

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zephrunsimperium · 5 months

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Concerning Tweens In Media: A Middle School Teacher's Perspective

Ya know, I basically never read fics with the younger Pines twins.

Partially because that's just not what I enjoy for my fandom experience - Gravity Falls will always be about the Stans, Fidds, and Bill to me - but also because writing tweens is really difficult. These little buggers are WILD and I love them so much. (I am studying to be a middle school english teacher) Sometimes they can be surprisingly mature and sometimes they'll sit in the back of class making fart noises. Threading the needle of that dichtonomy is a monumental task.

But - moving outwards from the GF fandom - it's also incredibly important. I used to love to read. I still do, it's just a lot harder for me. Most of the reading I did took place in 5-8th grade, when I would just inhale books, but I distinctly remember feeling a little strange reading about characters that were so much older than me.

When you grow up, especially once you get out of high school, age starts to not matter nearly as much, but as a kid? It's a huge deal! You are literally separated by age in school. Even those just a grade older than you become monumentally Different and even untouchable just based on the fact that they're in a different grade. Clearly they know everything, clearly they're too cool to talk to. And the opposite can be true as well; I have absolutely seen older kids have a weird disdain for kids in a lower grade on principle.

So here's me at 11 years old, reading books where the main characters are significantly older than me. My favorite book series in middle school - the Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson - featured a MC who was 16 in the first book and 21 in the finale. That is a significant age gap. Of course there's nothing wrong with reading about characters of any age at any age, but I don't think I have to explain why it's good for people to see people like them in the media they consume. We as fans connect with characters we relate to. And for kiddos in grade school for whom age is so vitally important in social interactions? They deserve to be able to consume media about them.

But the dilemma: Writing tweens well is an extremely difficult task, even without considering the fact that most people really dislike tweens - I have been called crazy for wanting to teach at the middle level more times than I care to count.

I have gone into detail regarding why Gravity Falls is a really good example of tweens in media. Dipper and Mabel are, in my opinion, extremely well written and accurate portrayals of tweens. I had the delightful experience of introducing my friend's kids to Gravity Falls this summer and it absolutely warmed my heart to see her 12 year old daughter say regarding Mabel, "she's just like me!"

Kids deserve to have that experience.

#gravity falls #fandom meta #pines twins #mabel pines #zephy the english teacher #middle school #zeph #writing meta #mistborn

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curator-on-ao3 · 4 months

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Source: https://www.instagram.com/p/CwKwqa_u-Y0/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

#fanfic meta #writing meta #wisdom #writeblur #writing tips #you don’t make stuff for everyone #you make stuff for whomever might love it #(even if that’s only yourself)

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thana-topsy · 9 months

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Hello! I hope this isn't too much of a loaded question, but do you have any general tips for writing? I'd like to give fanfic writing a shot at some point.

Not at all! I'm always happy to talk shop about writing! As far as general tips go, there are some things that I think everyone could benefit from, so I'll try to condense my opinions and suggestions into A Numbered List. (We'll limit it to 5 suggestions for now).

Read Actively I mean this in the sense of really chewing on whatever it is you're reading. Dig into the meat of That One Paragraph and look for things you enjoy, things that tickle your brain. I'll give an example from something I read recently, which is our lovely @kookaburra1701's newest story "Aristeia" "They crested the final hillock; Mor Khazgur dominated the shallow valley below. When she had been younger, Borgakh had often imagined the longhouse was a lazy cat asleep on a bright green rug, curled up against the rocks of the Druadach Mountains. When the stronghold’s goats were pastured in the glade, they played the role of mice scurrying about under the cat’s nose." I was just ENAMORED by this passage. The whimsy, the rhythm of some the repeating consonants -- stronghold's goats, glade -- and just the imagery it drummed up, reminding me of those fanciful imaginings of my own childhood. So don't just read a lot, but read actively. Read works that inspire you, authors that impress you, and subject matter that's similar to the type of stuff you want to be writing. And think about why you like the things your like, and draw that inspiration into your own writing. Imitate your heroes until you're no longer imitating and it's just how you write.

Accept Constructive Criticism This one is always a challenge in the beginning. The Ego is a powerful little devil, and it'll try to confuse you. It'll tell you that your value is tied to the words on the page. But I'm here to tell you that YOU are NOT the words on the page. Take an objective stance on your prose and your plot. Everyone starts somewhere and (hopefully) nobody ever stops learning or improving. NOTE: Notice I said constructive criticism. This does not mean you should let people tear your work into shreds in bad faith. Listen to people who want to see you improve and also find joy in the craft of writing.

Read Your Writing Out Loud This is kind of self-explanatory. You'll get a really good feel for your own rhythm and flow VERY easily this way. And you'll catch almost any mistakes right away.

Cut All Unnecessary Words This is getting into the technical side of things, but why not? One of the first books I read on the craft of writing (whose title unfortunately escapes my mind at the moment) contained this advice, and it is STILL something I struggle with. Obviously, when you have a character with a specific voice, sometimes they get flowery in their internal speech and observations. I'll use Aiden as an example: "The fort loomed over them, massive and severe. Aiden attempted to judge the architecture and found he wasn’t quite sure what race or nation could have possibly built it. Or when it was built, for that matter. Second era, perhaps? The design seemed more Breton than Nord: austere, angular, and formal. But so close to the Velothi mountains, it could have been Imperial." I bolded words that don't actually add anything of value to the descriptions here. We lose nothing by cutting them out. But they're how Aiden thinks about the world around him. So I keep them to give shape to his internal processing. I'd say to try to write without these kinds of flavor words first, then start adding them in. Learn the rules before you break them, or break the habit before it becomes the ONLY way you write.

Write Every Day This one is tough in the beginning, but it's so crucial to becoming a better writer. WRITE. EVERY. DAY. Even if it's just 200 words, do it. Make it your little morning ritual or evening wind-down. Pick a time that's just for you and your words. Close all your tabs, put your phone on silent, and just write. Be alone with the world that you are trying to create. And soon enough, you'll find that you can't go a day without writing something. And what a joy that is.

That's my list! I hope you found these tips useful! I also recommend reading books on the craft of writing, too.

Best of luck on your journey! You have infinite possibilities before you.

#topsy's asks #writing meta #writing advice #on writing #fanfiction #fanfic meta

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