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sunnygrey99 · 1 year

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Death Be Damned Pt. 4

~Trigger Warning: Typical TWD warnings. Minor Character death. depictions of violence. (minors DNI) If any other Triggers apply please let me know.~

A/N:Sooooo I took a bit of a break again and I was a bit stuck on what I wanted to do. Like I've said before I don't like how much unnecessary death is in the show but that doesn't mean there won't be any. I think some are important for character growth. I hope yall enjoy this chapter I am hoping to post another this week.

Wordcount: 2,035

Each member stood outside the doors of the now-locked shower room. They all stare in disbelief at the body laying in front of them. None of them dare to speak first until you and Daryl round the corner.

“The hell happened here?” Daryl’s question was hushed not to alert anyone who might pass through at this time of night. Glenn’s voice is the first from the otherwise stoic group, “No bites...had the doctor look him over. He said it seems like a flu virus of some sort.”

“We are having him and Hershel going around first thing in the morning to see if anyone else is having flu-like symptoms.” Sasha’s soft, clear voice rushes out as she crosses her arms.

“I’ll help them I had a few years in as a Nurse while I was in the military.” You couldn’t help but pipe up in the meeting of the council members, even if you weren’t one yourself. Daryl glanced over at you questioningly for a moment before choosing to ignore whatever thoughts he had about it.

Carol looked over at the two of you before speaking up, “We need to get ahead of this. Quarantine his whole cell block and post a guard. Keep anyone else from dying needlessly.”

“We can’t just send anyone over there and possibly get sick too” Glenn’s conscious speaking for him.

“I’ll do it. I was already exposed to Patrick just by killing him.” You couldn’t help but look back at the boy’s body. This kind of stuff never used to affect you but this time it’s different. These people are entirely innocent. “We all need to start wearing some type of mask too. If it’s a flu its mostly spread through the air.” Pulling your bandanna from your pocket, you start tying one around your head to cover your face. “What do I tell them when they ask why I’ve locked the cell block door?”

Carol sighs as she looks over at you, “The truth...just sugarcoat it a bit. We better get a move on then. Try not to let this spread.”

With that, you take the key from Daryl and head to the cell block. Checking that everyone is in the cell block before locking the door and setting up a chair where you can see the whole cell block and its occupants.

The night goes by in a slow drag. Eventually, people start waking up and coming to the front of the block to head out for the day. The first was a dad and his two girls. “What’s going on? Is there something wrong?” His worry is ever present in his voice as his hands grip his daughter’s shoulders.

You give him a tight smile as you stand to talk to him. “We had someone pass away from this block last night. The council is putting the block on lock down until everyone gets checked out by the Doctor. He should be here soon.”

“So...we...we are locked in here? What if someone else is sick?” You are quick to step forward and put a calming hand on the man's shoulder.

“It's all under control. We have medicine to fight it off we just need to have the doctor make his rounds and once you’ve been cleared we will isolate those who haven’t been. The best thing for you to do now is take your daughters back to their room and keep them company.” The man looks down at his daughters next to him and he nods taking them back to their room. Each interaction goes about the same until the doctor finally arrives at the cell block door.

After letting Dr.S and Hershel in, locking the door behind them he fills you in on what the illness is. “It’s likely a mutated form of swine flu. It’s a fast-acting strain so if the whole cell block was exposed then they will either be asymptomatic ond non-contagious by this point. But the ones with any symptoms should be secluded from the others. I’ve already let the council know.”

Nodding you look around at the other cells. “What do we tell the others that aren’t sick?”

“I’ll have them all go to the showers to decontaminate just in case and stay in another block. This one will need cleaning.” Nodding you head to the top of the block starting from the end while Dr.S and Hershel work the bottom row of cells. Only 3 of all the people examined seem to be experiencing any symptoms. Karen, David, and the father of the two daughters Ryan. It wasn’t until the final cell on the top row that things started to look grimmer. A growl has you pulling your hunting knife from its sheath. Pulling the makeshift curtains to the side it a walker makes its way to the bars. It felt like an eternity as the man got close enough. sticking the long hunting machete through the bars he simply walked into the blade himself. Pulling back and taking a deep breath you turn to look at Hershel and Dr.S talking at the bottom of the steps.

They give pause looking at the grim look written across your features. Shaking your head and walking down to give them the news. “Who was it?”

A shaky sigh escapes you, “I don’t know his name. I only met him last a couple a nights ago when he swapped me on fence duty.” He had been nice to you and given you a fresh water bottle before taking your place.

It was then that Rick and Daryl walk through the cell block doors. “Bathroom should be clear for the others to wash up now. How’d rounds go?” Rick’s calm voice has a hint of anxiety to it.

Not wanting to have the others relay the bad news to the others you take it upon yourself. Pointing up to the cell you give another sigh, “Only one passed. Must’a been sometime in the night, he locked himself in his cell. Only 3 others are showing symptoms.”

Daryl’s eyes followed where you were pointing. His stoic features only give away the sadness and recognition slightly. “That’s Charlie’s cell. Use ta sleepwalk.” His voice was quiet as the name left his lips.

Looking to Dr.S you decide to relay any other information as Rick and Daryl head up to take the body out to be buried.

The day progresses slowly until screaming can be heard at the front gate. By the time you make sure Judith is safe with Carl and Sophia, you make your way to the fence Rick and Daryl are already on the other side of the fence leading the walkers away with the sick pigs. Pulling your hunting machete out you make your way to the other side of the fence killing off any stragglers that get too close to the truck. Daryl shouts out the window at you with half a grin and the other half worry, “What the hell ya doin’ woman? Gonna get yerself killed!”

You only smile over at the man before you slice the closest walker’s head clean in half. By the time all the pigs were dead and all the walkers from the build-up were laying motionless Daryl and Rick swing back around to pick you up. You plop down next to Rick who doesn’t seem very happy about today’s events either. You give him a knowing nod.

He gives a scoff and half smile, “Why the hell ya gotta be like that? That was stupid.”

You roll your eyes at him as you all re-enter the gates “I ain’t never been smart Rick you know that.” You wink at him and shove his shoulder. The small playful smiles on your faces fall when you both see a very upset Tyreese.

Everything seemed to happen all at once and one right after the other. On zero sleep You stand over the chard remains of three bodies. The same three that you had led to that room earlier in the day. Karen, David, and Ryan were all dead now. It isn’t until you have to help pull Tyreese off of Rick that it becomes so real and so fast. Your first thought going to Sophia and if she’s safe being here with a murderer along with this flu. Then the pain hits you that she isn’t yours to look out for anymore even if you desperately want to. At that moment you decide it's best for you to leave. This would cause problems if you don’t.

~3:00 AM ~

Sliding the last thing in your old bag you decide it's best to leave without as many people knowing as possible. Leaving a handwritten note for Carl, Rick, and Sophia laying on your bed for one of them to find. As quietly as possible you make your way to the front gate only to be stopped by a gruff voice.

“Ya really leavin’?” He has been the only person this whole time that’s been able to sneak up on you without even trying. Freezing to your spot only nodding at the man in the dark of the night. “Why? Ya found yer family here...”

Sighing at the man you turn to fully face him. “Daryl...I don’t have any family. My brother is dead. Sophia ain’t mine and well Rick was just Shane’s best friend.”

He scuffs, “That’s some bullshit and ya know it.” He starts pacing slightly like he usually does when he gets upset. You’d seen him do it a few times now.

“I can’t stay Daryl. It’s not fair to them if I do.” Turning to walk off you stop as Daryl grabs your arm just tight enough to keep you from stomping off.

“They need ya and yer just gonna leave? Sophia still needs ya. Ya’ve been protectin’ her this whole time and now you are gonna leave her high an’ dry? I can’t accept that.” His grip tightens slightly at his words.

You rip your arm from his grip. “You’re gonna have to. Carol is her mom. Not me. I only promised her I’d get her back to her family. I should have just left that first night. Would have been easier for all of them.” With that, you stalked off. Daryl tries to follow after you but you make a break out the gate and toward the woods faster than Daryl can get them to close the gate back up. Tears stream silently down your face as each step gets harder to take away from the prison that was starting to feel like a home for the first time in your life.

After finding your bike that you had hidden away from the prison you made your way as far away from the camp as you could. Little did you know they would have needed you more than ever in the next few days to come. Weeks later you go back just to check on them. You regretted ever leaving since you ran out the gates. Seeing the overrun fences and the walkers everywhere your heart shattered. It was the worst feeling you could imagine. Anger coursed through your veins as you slashed your way through every single walker in the field then all the ones in the courtyard. Even the fatigue in your muscles was pushed aside by the pure rage burning through you. By the last walker you still hadn’t found any of them. Only a few were people you recognized but the others had to be out there somewhere and you were determined to find them again and make sure nothing else would ever happen to them again.

Part 5

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Those who asked to be tagged. <3

@ghxstttttt @pureblood-blake @sofi1sstuff @lvspit @greeneyedladysthings @justwannabefrea @kaitebugg03 @abbiesxox @missborntodiex

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soulsxng · 10 months

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"Our Voice of Truth...? I've heard of similar things, but without looking over what's written in the records you managed to salvage, I'll have a hard time narrowing it down. If I had heard that from anyone else, I might have assumed it was a deity, but given what else we know of him..."

"Tch. Please. I think Irazor more than showed that he doesn't care in the slightest for deities in general, let alone enough to actually speak of one in such a manner. Though...there definitely was something that was influencing him. I didn't see him too often, but when I did, there was a good deal of times that he would start talking to...something. I had assumed it was telepathic, but wasn't able to confirm it."

Though Eleare's comment was immediate, Niesal could tell by the way their gaze was still settled on the slowly growing wreckage of the facility they had been in not an hour before, that they were distracted. Worried after Darrow, no doubt...and deep in thought about the situation they'd been caught up in, to boot.

"We were, to a point...after all, look at what happened to Zahine when he tried to charm Irazor."

Enoch nodded toward the doctor in question, who sat in the grass a short distance away, being watched after by Io. Though he was listening, he appeared to still be somewhat dazed. Brows furrowing ever so slightly as if processing that his name had been brought up. Eno didn't wait for him to speak up; rather, he continued on to explain whatever theory he had come up with.

"His powers were effecting Irazor, after all. It wasn't until he was about to be overtaken by it, that whatever this Voice of Truth retaliated. Which suggests that, while telepathic, it wasn't the same as what you might normally imagine from such a thing. Instead, it may have been more that his mind was linked to that of another. When the influence from Zahine's powers becan to encroach on this being's own mind, it then chose to lash out."

"Or, it could be similar to what you said, Eleare. That it was more an influence, than anything. I know of a few different types that would reject that of another being-- like that of the Demon Princes, or Hell's Sins. There are also a good deal of Horrors whose influence effects their prey in such a manner."

The resulting silence was a heavy one, as each member of the group tried to sort through the scraps of information and speculation that they had managed to scrape together.

"I wish I was able to give you more insight, but...it really wasn't like anything I had ever experienced, or had even really heard of having happen before. It felt like...like there was something inside me. Not just my mind, but my whole body. Something rotten, or...corrupted. It's gone now, but I can feel...I can still feel--"

Zahine grimaces, and Io is quick to jump in, shaking his head. "Maybe this isn't the best thing for you to be focusing on, right now. You need to rest. So do the rest of us, I'm sure...once Aro and Baphomet come out, we should head out. Luvi and Nyl already went ahead with the few researchers we could grab when they tried to escape, but they're just holding them for now."

"Actually, I wholeheartedly agree. Especially with the Void being involved, this is most likely going to be a complicated matter. Outside of reading these notes, interrogating the researchers, looking through the rubble for anything else that can be found, there's a few other people that I want to speak with...Lerato included. I also want to have someone take a look at Zahine's mind, and Eleare's memories, just to make sure we don't overlook something."

Eleare looked like they were about to speak up, when a blast back toward the facility had the five of them looking up. Baphomet and Aro climbing up from the resulting rubble, and while the former looked completely unscathed, the latter was comparatively worse for wear-- and looking to still be in a horrible mood, as well.

"Fine. But at least give me some sort of warning before you decide to just drop by, Enoch. Preferably with the name of whoever it is you'll be bringing with you. Now if you'll excuse me...Aro! Let's go. You too, if you're coming, Nesa."

#[Enoch -drabbles-]#[Eleare -drabbles-]#[Io -drabbles-]#[Zahine -drabbles-]#(Got kind of long but here it is!#Now just for small commentary stuff!)

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pubby-paws · 2 months

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I have not been able to eat properly in. 5 years. I've experienced severe nausea near daily for the last ~3 years, and in some cases cannot eat much or anything at all without vomiting.

I've tried talking to doctors about it over and over and have gotten a mix of responses from "Well your bloodwork is fine" to "Well you're not losing weight so don't worry about it". When I *did* start losing weight, I had to be the one to point it out to my doctor, who responded to me pointing out I'd lost 30 lbs in 10 months with "Oh! Good job!" Until I said "it was unintentional."

And his response is checking my blood. Like every other doctor before him.

Doctors are going to let me die from whatever mysterious illness is fucking me up because they'd prefer me to vomit and starve than be fat. Because the fact that I'm losing hair to malnutrition and I have to adjust my social life to whether or not I am able to exist without vomiting and I'm constantly fatigued just doesn't matter as long as I'm making progress in the realm of not being a Disgusting Fucking Fat Person

#personal #venting #medical fatphobia #emetophobia #should i tag this with eating disorder stuff? i dont know what tags id need for it

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thelikesoffinn · 4 months

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Hey! 🎄✨️ I have a unrelated question, if that is alright. I'm not sure if you mentioned this already but in your meta you said that you are a social worker and have experience with refugees, youths and children but what exactly did you work as? And what is your job right now? Sorry if I come off creepy but I graduate soon and I'm thinking of becoming a social worker so I'm trying to get some information. Please ignore me if thats weird!(Love your posts btw!)

Hello there, dear!

Don't worry - it's not a weird question at all. Social Work can be very opaque and foggy at the first glance, because the field is so huge and it varies so strongly from country to country.

I'll gladly tell you what I've done so far and I'll add an obligatory warning: I'll likely mention rape, abuse, teen pregnancy, and bullying, so please be careful!

My very first job was actually as a substitute teacher and supervisor for children aged 6 - 10. I didn't work there for a long time because my colleagues where a huge pile of shit but the work itself was pretty straight forward and nice - hang around with the kids, make sure they don't kill each other and , if I had to sub lessons, teach them exactly what their teacher told me to.

Next I worked at a refugee bureau. Clients from all over the world - but mostly the middle east and asia - would come to see me whenever they needed a helping hand. I had to accompany them to appointments all over - with doctors, the court, teachers, job interviews, yada yada yada so that I could help translate and what not.

Apart from that, I'd help with their mail, with doing their taxes, submitting applications, finding work, doctors, refugee centers, flats - anything a person could need to get settled in a country.

After that, I worked as an advisor for teenagers who didn't want to go to school anymore. (In my country, children have to go to school until a certain age. Otherwise, they'll either be fined or, if it gets too much, they'll be forced to do community service or youth jail.)

Essentially, my job there was to find out why they didn't want to go to school and offer them a safe space to spend time without getting into problems. If they were old enough, we'd help them apply for jobs or whatever else they wanted.

But that sounds easier than it was. Most of those kids were pretty heavily traumatised and didn't trust adults, so getting to the point where they would talk took a LOT of work. Teenagers are difficult to handle as is and if they have further issues, it just gets harder.

Many of them were violent - verbally and physically - and addicted to all sorts of substances. We had some teen-moms - some because they were raped and others because they didn't use protection - and a whole lot of delinquency.

Some of them didn't have parents - either because they were orphaned or because cps separated them - and virtually none of them had good parents.

And, I'm saying it now: I hated this job so much. It was really difficult, we had little funding so the pay was a joke and I was extremely tired and drained all the time.

(And teens are really difficult for me. I just can't relate to them, so I really had to try so hard to get good footing. I still tried hard, and I did get there eventually, but it was really so draining.)

After that one, I had to take a break because of burnout - yay. But since I can't handle doing nothing, I took a few extra courses on topics I liked - autism, abuse victims, borderline personality disorder, systemic therapy, dissociative identity disorder, early childhood development, communal law and more - and later I got an extra license as a psychosocial support in criminal trials.

I just finished the latter, and over the course of this license program, I had to work a few cases to gain experience - basically, I was tasked with protecting the victim of a crime. My job was to make sure that the victims rights were protected - courts tend to be really insensitive and forceful, which can hurt the client even more and traumatise them further - and that the case was handled with care. On top of that, I was to make sure that the client/victim understood what was happening and why it was happening.

If, for some reason, the perpetrator wanted to contact the victim, I'd be the first hurdle. Any contact was organised and acquiesced by me first and the client second. If the client wants to contact the perpetrator, I was the one to organise that meeting or that exchange.

That job is really exhausting and difficult, and I will 100% never do it full time because it worsened my burnout but I really liked studying it nonetheless.

This week, I started working part-time as a kindergarten teacher. I really love it and I really missed working with children - it's been so long! It's low stakes, mid stress so it's great to get back into after a burnout and, to be totally honest...I just needed to see some happy faces. Seeing the children smile every day is such a nice feeling.

And that's it for now, I think! I had some smaller gigs in between, but that were so many I can hardly remember them all.

And I know this is probably not the positive "go do it!" type of thing you wanted to hear and I'm sorry, flower. But if you consider this job, you'll have to make sure to understand this:

Social Work isn't easy.

It is incredibly hard work and you'll see a lot of misery. You'll see people that are all types of broken, burdened by all types of things. You'll meet people who survived things no one should have to experience - bullying, abuse, attempted suicide or murder, fucking wars - and came out the other side not unscathed but alive.

Those people will come to see you, battered and bruised, because they need your help.

And you will not be able to help all of them. Most, yes, but not all. You'll lose some of them along the way, and you'll have to live with that.

It is a lot, and if you're not in the right place yourself; if you're not taking proper care of yourself, you will drown.

But it's not all doom and gloom out here! Seeing your clients come back to life, helping them find their way, and actually seeing all your effort bear fruits is where it's at. That's the shit and that's why I'm here.

Despite all the misery, it's still a very rewarding job and, even if I could go back, I wouldn't change anything. I'd still choose to do this, and I'd still be here clawing my way back after a burnout, because this is what I'm good at.

Helping people is my jam, and if it's yours - welcome to the ranks!

#but please god be mindful #listen to yourself #take care of yourself #take breaks #don't be me #don't overwork yourself #take a chill pill every once in a while #classic do as i say not as i do

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codenamesailordarillium · 5 months

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Oh, both mentions are terrible. So bad they might as well have ignored her like they did Martha (justice for Martha). 13 telling Yaz (YAZ) that she likes her even better than her wife, 15 grouping River in with Adric (ADRIC) as ‘people we’ve lost’ rather than with Sarah Jane and Rose as ‘people we’ve loved’. On balance, 13´s mention might be very very slightly better? At least it highlights the nature of that relationship. 15 might as well have said ‘Professor River Song, archaeologist, Luna University’ for all the personalisation in that mention lol.

Oh trust me, I am very much in agreement about both, my friend.

I was gonna hold off until actually watching the sea devils ep, but honestly might as well say it here that errything I've seen so far of the 13&Yaz "romance" seems to have been heavily shoehorned into Flux & the rest of 13's specials. Specifically, mentioning "her wife" seems to me kind of a half-assed shorthand of trying to make it seem like 13 reciprocates whatever feelings Yaz suddenly has for her without actually putting in the work to actually show it. Basically it's like: ooh yeah, Doctor have wife, Doctor love wife, we mention wife for purpose of showing Doctor love this person too! Which, while obviously heavily colored by the embittered shipper goggles I wear, still objectively isn't the most impactful way to communicate romantic feelings. If anything, the impression I had when I first saw gifsets of the infamous "even my wife" line read more as 13 awkwardly trying to let Yaz down easy seems like it'll probably hold.

And I mainly say it seems shoved into Flux because my honest impression of 13 & Yaz's interactions in the prior two seasons to overall not be much materially different than those 13 has with Graham or Ryan. Other than the scene in the Mary Shelley ep where she's talking to the girl involved with Byron and mentions that her "special person" is kinda different, there's nothing there that would've explicitly made me think Yaz had feelings for the Doctor (tho I'm sure some would strongly argue for her screaming at the end of Spyfall p.1 when Dhavvan!Master yeets 13 out of the plane).

As for 15, yeah, unfortunately Ncuti's delivery of the way he says her name does come off rather detached and so I'm struggling a bit with it. I'll be honest, I don't love all the promo that seems to be hinting that 15 could potentially end up having something going on with Ruby. Don't have a ton of hope there, honestly kinda worried Rusty's probably gonna recycle his "Penny" concept of the companion that was originally supposed to come after Martha that 10 was supposed to fall head over heels for.

Honestly, it's been a bit of a frustrating time as a River & Doctor/River fan. I'm not out here looking to hate on Chib or I guess Rusty at this point for no reason, but the continued erasure of River's character is demoralizing as time goes on. Especially when sentiment in overall DW fandom in the past seemed to have been that we should just get over her because her story was "done". DW tends to be a veritable parade of previous characters making their glorious returns all the time, yet for some reason wanting River back in that capacity is unacceptable, even tho technically speaking that was the whole intent of her character originally, knowing the Doctor throughout all their past & future faces.

I think I'm just rambling at this point, but there are a lot of repressed feelings regarding all this that I haven't deigned to express in the past because I try my best not to dwell on fandom shit that I know will inevitably upset me. I guess I've hit something of a breaking point, so sorry for using your ask as a jumping off point to let off this particular steaming kettle anon.

#anonymous

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teawithkpop · 3 years

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[M] - PhysCom - Pt 7

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6 - pt 7

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 5.4k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: swearing, a lot of emotional turmoil, talk of pregnancy scares (birth control, contraceptives, etc.), implied discrimination towards sex workers (not by any of the boys dw), mentions of sexual acts

slowly hands you a cake that says "I haven't updated this fic in 14 months and I don't know when the next part is coming but here's an update thanks for being patient" in comic sans

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The rush to the hospital goes by in a blur of tears and shouting and panic and questions that you can't bring yourself to answer. The only constant is Min Yoongi's hand, firmly locked in your own throughout the ordeal, tethering you to reality.

You now sit in a private room on a sterile medical table and wait to be seen, too numb inside to feel the sting of the cold metal as it cuts into the backs of your thighs. Yoongi stands beside you, still holding your hand, his fingers are laced through yours and squeezing as if it could sap away the fear that eats away your insides, leaving you hollow and empty.

"It'll be alright. Don't worry about a damn thing, okay?" He shifts his weight anxiously, betraying his own underlying worries.

You barely remember him throwing his jacket over you before being rushed out of the house, and you don't feel deserving of the modest coverage. Though the leather is worn and soft against your skin, all you can feel is the harsh metallic zipper, scratching at your chest as though reminding you of your wrongdoings.

"Yoongi…" you start to say, but he cuts you off, his voice a hoarse whisper.

"Don't you fucking dare. Don't apologize."

You feel tears well up in your eyes. Your chest grows tight with the words he's forbidden you to say.

"I've already called Namjoon, it'll all be fine. Don't worry." He works his jaw and rubs your hand with surprising tenderness, glancing to the little window in the door every other second.

He's been assuring you with those same words for the past half hour, but it feels like it's been an eternity. As you glance at the clock on the wall, watching the hands tick by, you imagine a scene like that of a health documentary. Tiny sperm, swimming up your insides… fertilizing your previously dormant eggs.

Fuck. You've fucked up.

You might be pregnant with Min Yoongi's child. Your Opticon birth control implant could send you into toxic shock at any moment.

You don't see how things can get much worse than this.

The door finally opens, and what appears to be a nurse steps inside. She holds a clipboard, and examines it while she lets the door close behind her. "Let's see now, Miss..." Her shoulders slump marginally as her eyes reach your name. "Oh, right. The PhysCom."

You don't have the energy to ignore the change in her tone from friendly to disinterested, and simply nod. However, you feel Yoongi stiffen beside you.

The nurse lets out a brief sigh and dons a professional expression. "So, what appears to be the problem?" She directs the question to Yoongi.

"We think her birth control implant isn't working." Yoongi explains, his eyes darting furtively between you and the nurse. "She, um… she reached orgasm."

You flush at the memory, ashamed of your failure to adhere to even the most basic of rules set before you.

The nurse makes a noncommittal noise and jots something down. "Says here it’s an Opticon. And you didn't turn it off, sir?"

He shakes his head.

The nurse touches the end of her pen to her mouth, a note of sympathy forming in her eyes. Not for you, but for Yoongi. "How long have you had her?"

"Excuse me?" Yoongi raises an eyebrow.

The nurse tucks the clipboard under her arm, giving him a weary, patient smile. “With PhysComs, we have a list of probable scenarios we’re supposed to check for, to better inform the doctor of the situation, and speed along the treatment process.”

She barely spares you a glance before returning her attention to Yoongi, her voice lowered just a fraction. “It’s not uncommon for newly hired female PhysComs to try and… well, intentionally get pregnant from their clients. Especially if those clients have any amount of wealth or status.”

Yoongi seems lost for words.

She nods as if to agree with his surprise. “It’s some psychosis associated with the job,” she says with a shrug, then straightens her posture once more. “So has she been acting strangely at all? What are her symptoms?”

Your ears burn a bit at being talked about like you’re not in the room, but this isn’t the first time you’ve been in such a position. Oftentimes checkups during training were the same way, the physicians would speak exclusively among themselves and Madame while they examined every inch of you, inside and out.

Yoongi, however, is not used to such an experience.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” He says, in a voice much calmer than you would have expected. But one glance at his face tells you all you need to know. His eyes are burning like hot coals. Molten and dangerous.

The nurse doesn’t pick up on his irritation, and busily flips through the pages on her clipboard. “I need reliable information, sir. If you please,” she prompts him.

You can feel Yoongi’s hand clench around yours, and you turn to quiet him.

“It’s okay,” you murmur, hoping to reassure him enough so he’ll talk to her, but he stands his ground, his eyes glued on the nurse.

“Get out,” Yoongi says.

The nurse does a double take. “Excuse me, sir?”

“I said get the fuck out of here.” He points to the door. “Send us someone who will actually help.”

She fumes silently for a moment, but decides not to argue with him, and heads for the door in a huff.

Yoongi scoffs as you two are left alone once more. “What the fuck kind of bedside manner was that supposed to be?” He mutters, staring at the door.

“It’s okay.” You place a hand on his arm.

“No, it’s not.” He’s adamant, and you sigh wearily. How do you explain that this is only what can be expected?

You pick out a few haphazard words from the maelstrom in your brain, too tired to find the best phrasing. “Medical personnel… they don’t really get it.”

“Get what?” He asks, turning to you in outrage. “Being a fucking decent human being?”

You flinch, withdrawing your hand. You’re too tired to try and get your point across. But he notices you wilt and immediately comes closer, lowering his voice and placing both his hands on your arms. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, the edge of anger fading away to gentleness. Kindness. “What do you mean?”

You sigh, looking off to the side. You don’t deserve to have him look at you like that.

You carefully remove his hands, trying to maintain some semblance of a professional distance, even in the face of disaster. “Most hospitals don’t look favorably at PhysComs. We were given a few lectures about it in training. We use up their resources and time that could instead be given to patients who didn’t willingly put themselves at risk.”

You remember how your fellow trainees had reacted after those discussions. Many of them found the treatment to be unfair, but you yourself felt that, in a way, the medical field’s viewpoint was reasonable. Your choices are what landed you here.

“What the- what are you talking about?” He huffs, still seemingly in the dark. “You didn’t ask for this… this scare. It wasn’t your fault.” He tries to meet your eyes, but your gaze is fixed firmly to the linoleum floor.

A mirthless smile paints your lips. “But I chose this life. And these risks along with it.”

Before he can question you further, the door bursts open and Kim Namjoon enters the room, both his dress shirt and his hair are rumpled, and his eyes are frantic. “Sweetheart?” He rushes to your side and crushes you in a hug. “Are you alright?”

You hear Yoongi let out a breath of relief. “She’s okay, for the moment.”

Something about the way Namjoon holds you feels like a lamp being held against your cold skin. You’re too damp inside to light a flame yourself, but his own body warms you from the outside in the meantime. You want to let yourself enjoy it, but the memory of your unresolved questions leaves you limp in his arms, filled with nothing but misery and confusion.

He pulls back after a moment, checking you over for signs of injury. His eyes are wide with concern. “What happened? Tell me everything.”

A flare of shame rises up in you at the notion of telling Namjoon about your rule-breaking and everything that occured since this morning.

Thankfully, Yoongi seems to sense your hesitance, and he fills in most of the pieces for Namjoon. Namjoon’s expression remains stoic as Yoongi recounts what happened - you being brought home unconcious, seducing Yoongi - up until the mention of your orgasm. Namjoon’s jaw slackens slightly at this, and his eyes scan your face, searching for something.

It’s at this moment that the doctor walks in, a different nurse at his side. He’s a slightly older man, a few wrinkles creasing his brow, and a smile that appears kind until it lands on you. His face is then tinged with that same indifference that most medical professionals give you.

You wish it was your usual physician, but since this was an emergency, you didn’t have time to take the trip to your usual practice. Whatever hospital is nearest, that’s what Yoongi had told the driver.

The man turns to Namjoon, who arguably commands more presence than Yoongi, and the kindness returns. “Sorry for the delay. Busy night. From what I understand, your PhysCom has malfunctioned, is that correct?”

“Her Opticon malfunctioned, yes.” Namjoon corrects him. His diplomatic tendencies are a blessing right now. You just want to know if you’re pregnant or not. You want to know if you’re losing your job. You want to go home.

The doctor runs a few physical tests on you, feeling your breasts, peering down your throat, and examining your vaginal canal, checking for any other symptoms of malfunction from your Opticon. “All’s well so far.” He says, pulling his forefingers out of you, snapping off his gloves, and disposing of them. “May I take a look at the ComGear?”

You feel a flash of panic, waking you out of your stupor. Fuck, was it still in the group chat? You pull out the slim device, heart hammering as you check. Nope. Just settings. Thank god.

You hand it over, and then remember with a looming feeling of dread exactly why it might have been left on the settings page...

“You do so much for us, jagiya.” Taehyung keeps his hands braced on your arms, his thumb rubbing gently against your skin. “You’re always there for us. Always giving… Now it’s time for you to receive.”

“I’m sorry! It’s my fault-” Jimin’s eyes fall to your compromising position, Yoongi’s dick still out, your leaking core exposed, and claps a hand over his mouth. He looks like he might cry. “Oh no...”

The pieces fall into place, and there’s no doubt in your mind. They must have switched it off.

But why? Why, why, why…?

The doctor - you’re too frazzled to read his nametag - pulls out a pair of reading glasses and takes a look at your ComGear, poking around the device with his pointer finger. “Hm. Strange.” He squints. “The Opticon does appear to be switched off.”

Namjoon blinks. “That’s impossible.”

“I’m afraid that’s the case.” The doctor shows him the setting, the toggle very much in the off position. Namjoon takes the device and looks at it in shock.

The doctor coughs. “I know that, um… for some individuals, the temptation and the… risk associated with no protection during intercourse can be sexually arousing. It’s not the first time we’ve gotten a case like this.”

He removes his glasses, folding them back into his pocket. “However, I would remind you and anyone else who uses this one’s services that although Physical Companions may be virtually expendable, it can become quite expensive for your own sake to impregnate them on a whim, using and discarding them, what with the standard fees for breaching their contract and-”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Namjoon interrupts him, and you notice the iron grip he now has on Yoongi’s arm. Likely the only thing restraining him from throwing a punch. “We’ll be more careful.” Namjoon glances at you, confusion making a little crease between his brows. “Is there some sort of morning after pill she can take, or…?”

“I’m afraid the lingering effects of the Opticon implant render any outside hormone blockers ineffective.” The doctor says, his smile turning thin. “It’s a bit of a blessing and a curse. The hormone production and ovulation suppressant in the Opticon normally make the chance of fertilization zero percent while in use. After it’s switched off, chances are still fairly low at 30 percent, for up to 24 hours. But the chances of fertilization after taking a morning after pill are significantly lower than that, at only five percent.”

He shrugs. “We’ll just have to wait and see. Chances are, your PhysCom will be right as rain and ready to pleasure clients again in about a week.”

A week.

First a week of suspension on Namjoon’s terms… Now it’s on medical advisement.

“A week? What should we do until then?” Namjoon voices your very thoughts, Yoongi seething silently beside him.

“Well, we won’t have any results until three to five days from now.” The man clarifies. “But I highly recommend you leave the implant switched off and keep her on traditional contraceptives until we know for sure. I strongly recommend utilizing other PhysComs in the meantime, just to be safe.”

You’re finished.

The doctor hands Namjoon a paper bag, most likely containing birth control pills and condoms. “She may be somewhat volatile for the next few days. You can bring her in for another checkup in a week.”

You’re weak.

“Thank you.”

You’re numb.

-------

It was a silent car ride back to the house, and as Namjoon helps you step out of the vehicle, one hand holding yours for stability while the other rests on your lower back, you can’t help feeling utterly useless. Detached from your surroundings.

What’s the point of any of this now? There’s no way they’ll want to use you until this is resolved. You’re of no use to them as a sex toy until at least a week from now, and by then it’ll be far too late to earn their favor back.

“We need to have a meeting. Call the others into the living room.” Namjoon speaks to Yoongi in an undertone, and you feel a small ache of hope. Maybe things will work out if everyone just talks to each other.

But when you enter the house and Namjoon begins to steer you upstairs, you finally find your voice.

“No.” You resist against him, turning around at the base of the stairs. “No, I want to be part of the meeting.”

The surprise quickly fades from his face, instead turning to concern. “You need to rest."

Something about the look on his face, about being told yet again through his actions that this doesn’t concern you, it causes something inside you to snap, your apathy vanishing in the wake of this new beast beginning to rear its ugly head within you.

Your throat closes up and a scream erupts from your aching chest. "You don't know what I need!"

Namjoon matches your desperation with an infuriatingly patient look of sympathy. He approaches you, his hand outstretched, but you stagger back away from him. He smiles sadly and drops his hand. "Stay here. It's what's best for you."

What's best for you.

The words throb in your mind, like the memory of an old wound. They bounce listlessly off the walls of your grandiose prison long after Namjoon shuts the door, sealing you away again.

You don't know what comes over you as you see visions of launching yourself at the door, pounding and scratching at the wood like a wild animal.

You could just open the door and follow him downstairs. Some part of you does register that.

But you want them to hear you. You want them to hear you rip your throat raw as you exorcise your demons.

You blink and you're standing still.

You haven't moved.

Your spacious room feels stifling. Like the walls are closing in on you, suffocating you.

Silken ropes sway in the dusk, catching your eye from beyond the balcony window. Your escape route from earlier that day.

You don't think twice before stuffing a few meager belongings into the long forgotten backpack kicked beneath your bed.

You need to leave this place.

You can't stay here.

-------

It had started drizzling not long after you left the house, and even now as you sit on the damp curbside, waiting for the next bus to take you far away from this place, it strikes you as funny, in a way, that the weather is crying for you, since you can't muster any tears of your own.

It's cold and misty, a foreboding atmosphere, by all accounts. It makes you question if what you're about to do is the right call.

But you shut down the arguments in your head as quickly as they appear.

Second guessing was what had gotten you into this situation. You need to follow your instincts.

And your instincts are telling you to flee.

It won't be so bad, you try to convince yourself. After the first night on the road, you'll eventually find a new town, a new home, a new place for yourself in this fucked up world. You've done it before, you can do it again.

You're considering suitable aliases for your new persona, when you sense another person approaching, their shoes tramping through the wet grass.

You don't look up at them, hoping they'll pass by and leave you alone. But they come to a stop beside you.

You keep your gaze on the road, droplets rippling the puddled potholes.

Then the stranger goes to sit on the curb too, and you can't help but look at them.

You'd recognize those lips anywhere, even beneath a baggy hooded sweatshirt.

"It's a bit late to run errands, don't you think?" Seokjin says, pulling his sleeves down to keep out the chill as he perches beside you.

He glances at you, then looks ahead at the road, the same way you were. You return your gaze forward, too exhausted to make a run for it. Though you don't get the sense that he would chase after you, even if you tried to escape.

Maybe that's exactly why you decide to stay put, but you don't give the suspicion any more thought.

"What do you want?" You finally ask, your voice croaky from being silent for so long.

"Nothing."

"Liar," you mutter, hugging your knees to your chest. "Everyone wants something."

He chuckles. Rests back on his hands. "I guess you're right about that."

Damn right you are. You didn't study the human condition through your years of training to be fooled so easily by pretty words.

"So?" You prompt him, still staring at the dreary horizon.

He takes a moment to respond. The silence is punctuated by the distant noises of traffic, an occasional car passing by, its headlights shimmering in the mist before disappearing down the road.

“The others are all out looking for you, you know,” he says simply. “Why do you think that is?”

If it were anyone else that had run away - their manager, a friend - you know what the answer would be. Because they care about that person. But how can you believe that about yourself, when you know you can never amount to anyone with that level of importance to them?

Ironic, since you’re the person with which they can be most intimate and vulnerable.

“I’m a liability,” you reply halfheartedly.

His silence serves to confirm your suspicions. A runaway PhysCom? Far too risky for a group at their level. You could become one of those anonymous sources like you saw in the news. A firsthand account of the BTS members’ secret sexual urges. Unacceptable. Snatches of words from the NDA you signed buzz around the edges of your mind like stray flies.

But since you're no longer connected to your network, then your tracker is probably disconnected. If the bus had come just a little earlier, you might already have escaped without a trace.

“You really think that’s the only reason?” Seokjin’s voice pulls you back to the moment.

His abysmal attempt to divert from the problem gets a hollow laugh out of you.

“Any other reason has ulterior motives. It’s just business.” You check the time on your ComGear. The bus should be here any minute. “I’m leaving, and I won’t let you stop me.”

“I don’t intend to,” he agrees, to your surprise. “God knows you’ve been put through enough.” He then leans forward, resting his forearms across his legs. “But for what it’s worth, you deserve to know the truth.”

Your ears perk up at this.

Seokjin seems to take your silence as permission to continue. “The reason we decided to suspend you. It wasn’t… entirely selfless.”

You purse your lips in irritation and fix your gaze upon the horizon, settling your chin beneath your crossed arms. “Right. Ulterior motives, like I said.”

He clicks his tongue. “Touche.”

You wait for him to continue, but he doesn't.

Your curiosity gets the better of you.

“So, what… were you planning to replace me?” You ask, trying to sound contemptuous. “I heard you all having your little group meeting in the kitchen. There are plenty of shiny new whores at your disposal, take your pick.”

He still makes no noise.

You wait, preparing to accept a bitter confirmation of all your fears.

But then he finds his voice. “We could never replace you, dear.”

You stop. Look over at him. His eyes are half lidded, his smile bittersweet as he stares off into the distance. After a few moments, he fishes around in his pocket and pulls something out, then hands it to you.

His smartphone.

“Here,” he murmurs, sympathy in the quirk of his lips. “In case you need to call anyone. Those devices they give you don’t have a cell plan, I assume.”

He seems to sense your wariness, and waves the phone a bit in a gesture of insistence. “I can buy a dozen new ones. It’s no trouble.”

You very hesitantly take it. “Thanks.”

Of course, he has no way to know that your ComGear is now jailbroken, for all intents and purposes. But… is this a trap? What if there’s a tracker in the phone? But why would he need to put a tracker in it if he doesn’t know your ComGear is off the grid?

The rumble of an approaching motor pulls you out of your cyclical thoughts, and you get on your feet, slowly coming out of your dissociative sulk.

But you still feel numb. Nothing matters anymore.

Nothing at all.

Jin gets up along with you, slipping his hands into his hoodie pocket. “Stay safe, alright?”

You give a brief nod of acknowledgment, only half in his direction as you shrug your bag onto your shoulder more securely. The hydraulics of the bus screech as the vehicle comes to a stop and lowers slightly, allowing you to step onboard.

You glance back, fully expecting Jin to stop you. But he doesn’t. He blinks raindrops out of his eyes while you board, and gives you a small smile once the doors close behind you. He lifts a hand in farewell, then turns and starts to walk away down the street.

He’s really letting you go.

You pay your fare and find a seat towards the back of the nearly empty bus. Rain pelts at the windows, picking up in earnest, and it feels like yet another layer, another barrier, separating yourself and creating an ever-growing chasm from the life you knew up until yesterday.

You pull out Jin’s phone, staring at the dark screen and wiping away stray raindrops from the surface with your sleeve. Why had he come to find you, if not to stop you?

“But for what it’s worth, you deserve to know the truth.”

Maybe he felt guilty. Or remorseful for the hell you’ve been put through recently. You would normally have felt immense satisfaction at such a thought.

But you can’t feel much of anything right now.

You don’t think you’ll be able to feel properly again. At least not for a long, long time…

Hm? The screen lit up. You must have pressed a button by accident. You swipe at it again, and to your surprise it unlocks. Who doesn’t put a passcode on their phone?

Is it possible… he disabled it before he gave it to you? Maybe. Whatever. You’re so tired of thinking, playing investigator and second guessing people’s motivations.

You scroll over to the phone icon, and tap on it, briefly considering calling your parents. But the wetness on your fingers messes with the touchscreen and you open the messages app instead.

You’re about to wipe the screen and try again, but… the most recent messages are… all about you. You tap on the group chat among the seven of them, currently bustling with activity.

[ Kim Namjoon ]: has anyone found her [ Park Jimin ]: hyung I’m so sorry [ Park Jimin ]: it’s all my fault [ Min Yoongi ]: she’s not at the studio [ Kim Namjoon ]: we’ll talk about it later Jimin [ Kim Namjoon ]: everyone keep looking [Jeon Jungkook]: manager said they can call her network to track her down [Kim Taehyung ]: should we do that? [ Jung Hoseok ]: no! she could get in trouble :( [ Min Yoongi ]: she’s not a stray pet [ Kim Namjoon ]: exactly [ Kim Namjoon ]: we need to keep this quiet for her sake [Kim Taehyung ]: she hasn’t replied to my texts or calls [ Min Yoongi ]: me neither [Jeon Jungkook]: hyung... will she be okay? [ Kim Namjoon ]: everything will be fine don’t worry [ Kim Namjoon ]: we’re going to fix this somehow [ Min Yoongi ]: whatever it takes [ Jung Hoseok ]: where could she have gone... [ Park Jimin ]: what if she doesn’t come back?

You scroll further up, past days and weeks and months of texts between them… not even a day between mentions of you. Wondering if you’re alright. Hoping you’ve eaten enough. Wanting to do more with you.

The thread of texts Jimin sent to Seokjin just yesterday.

Hyung I wish things were different I want to hold her I want to tell her she’s enough I wish I could kiss her… I think I love her Do you ever feel that way?

And Seokjin’s reply.

I do I know just what you mean Why do you think I turned those secondaries away last night, hm? No one can compare She really is special…

He didn’t… fuck the secondaries? After you broke at dinner, he… didn’t...?

You switch to his thread with Namjoon from a few days ago.

I know you’re our leader but I don’t think this is the way to go You need to be more cautious

Namjoon’s reply.

What we need is action, hyung If we work together on this, we could get rid of these unnecessary rules We could all have what we want Including her It’s what’s best for everyone

Seokjin took several minutes to reply.

You’re going to lose her.

Jin knew. He tried to talk Namjoon out of writing that stupid essay, or maybe it was about your suspension.

Either way, he defended you.

You open his thread with Hoseok. Dimly, you recognize that you shouldn’t be snooping, but you’re too absorbed to stop.

Hyung, I think she really wants this All of us ♡ I don’t know how, but we need to show her that it’s okay That we want it just as much

How do you know that’s what she wants?

I can’t say ♡ But I know now She wouldn’t reject us Our feelings She feels something too

The date and time lines up with this morning. The morning after he made love to you.

He didn’t tell them. He kept your secret.

“Our feelings”? What does he mean? Him, Jimin, Taehyung… Seokjin? Do they all…?

Your head spins, the hollowness of your heart filling with a rush of jumbled emotions, like a tide crashing in. All your numbness is washed out with light, just a pinprick at first, that grows rapidly into a ray of warmth as you consider what all this could mean. The chasm starts to narrow, and you get the urge to jump ship, to turn back and figure this shit out. To know once and for all what they want from you. What you mean to them.

But how can you trust this isn’t a trap? How can you be sure?

The answer is as simple as they come.

You can’t.

You can’t be absolutely certain that their intentions are pure… that this is the right thing to do… that you won’t be hurt again.

But maybe... trust isn’t about being infallible. Being right. Being sure.

Maybe it’s built on what ifs. On trying again, even with no guarantees.

Guarantees are only as good as their word, and talk is cheap. Lies are easy. Your Opticon had a 100% guarantee, and look where that got you.

But you remember the way Hoseok held you that night, and made love to you like you’ve never felt in your life... When Jimin kissed his way down your body, with only the best of intentions. Namjoon’s strong arms embracing you when you felt powerless. Yoongi’s hand never leaving yours, even while you waited in the hospital. Jungkook carrying you home after you fainted, breaking your door to make sure you were safe in bed. The look in Taehyung’s eyes when he finally kissed you, breaking the ice you’d been growing around your heart.

How Seokjin let you go.

Maybe...

You get up with a start, rush to the front of the bus, and hastily ask the driver to let you off, much to the old man’s disgruntlement, but the moment the doors whoosh open, you take off at a run.

You want to go home.

You want to try again.

No matter how much you try to bury it, to forget the way they make you feel, you care about them. All of them. On a much deeper level than that of a PhysCom and client. And it scares you.

But you’re done running from fear. From uncertainty.

Now you’re running towards it willingly, as you give chase down the torrential streets, searching for that familiar hooded figure and hoping you’re not too late. You’re embracing the doubt, the fear, the uncertainty, the paranoia... letting their shadowy claws sink into you until they can’t hurt you anymore. Until they fade away, cowering under the glow of your determination.

You’re setting some new rules for yourself, no longer letting fear control your thoughts and actions, barring you from any chance of happiness.

You see Seokjin in the distance, trudging home through the pouring rain. You run faster.

You’re fucking terrified. But you’ve never felt so free in your life.

“Jin!” You shout to get his attention, still a block away. He turns around, and shakes his head, seemingly confused, but a smile starts to appear. You smile too.

Finally, you catch up to him, and without warning, you throw your arms around his shoulders. Damn, he’s always taller than you remember.

He laughs, shocked by your change of heart. “What are you doing?”

“I want to hear you say it.” You reply, looking up at him as rain dashes down your face. You don’t know when you started crying, but you’re grateful to the weather for masking your tears.

“Say what?” He asks, his hands resting on your waist to support you. Thunder rumbles in the distance, rain sliding down his perfect face.

“How you feel about me.” You reply, studying his eyes. “Be honest.”

He seems to sense the gravity in your words. He holds you closer. His eyes soften.

“I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”

For the first time since all of this started, you sense no deception in his words, no double meaning, no hidden agenda.

Because you aren’t searching for reasons to doubt this time.

You’re searching for reasons to trust, and you find them.

You want to kiss him. So you do.

#bts #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts x reader smut #bts x reader #bts fanfiction #bts ot7 #bts ot7 smut #bts smut fic #bts fic rec #yoongi x reader #namjoon x reader #seokjin x reader #thank you all for waiting ;w;

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lavenderwhore444 · 3 years

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If you want to use interactive fics, it's easy and makes reading fics SO much better. First, you download the Google Chrome extension. You'll see it in the top right corner of your screen. Next, you enter your name in the first box. If you want to change something other than y/n, please click on the text that says “want to change something other than y/n?” here, you can change any word you want to a different word. When I talk about your quirk I will use y/q.

InteractiveFics

Master List

🌸 I JUST REALIZED IVE BEEN SLACKING ON WARNINGS Y’ALL I AM SO SORRY 🌸

🌸 Warnings: Shiggy being a man-child (what else is new), briefly mentions smut and suggestive themes at the end. Angst if you squint. You're preggo, obvi. Milky titties for Shiggy 😌 🌸

🌸 you guys know the tik tok audio that goes “ga ga I got your milikes. Since you want to act like a fuckin baby, ” 🌸

🌸 Weeellllll... Oh lord, ya know what I'm thinking. 🌸

🌸 This turned out as fluff, so if y’all were looking for a kinky one, go request it 🙄 🌸

🌸 Why was writing this as fluff weirder than smut like y’all know he falls asleep sucking on your boobies because of the head cannons I've written. When I'm feeling more ✨inspired,✨ I’ll write a super fluffy one, especially if I can find and a good prompt/scenario. 🌸

🌸 Sooo I've written a little abt mommy milkers in head cannons, but it's time to stop beating around the bush. 🌸

Music my loves:

youtube

Pregnancy wasn't easy, and Shigaraki certainly wasn't helping. He would whine and complain more than you did. Sometimes you wondered why you got pregnant when you already had the equivalent of a small bratty toddler—a man child scientifically labeled as a wild tomura shigaraki.

Shigaraki would whine for you to cook or clean or fix his game. He barely acknowledged that you were pregnant until it came to sex.

“No, it'll hurt the baby, ”

It was awful. Your hormones were off the charts, and you just needed an orgasm—just one. Shigaraki wouldn't even eat you out, and there's no way you were getting past that pregnancy belly to masturbate.

The sexual frustration and frustration, in general, were building up. It was so bad that you wanted to cry. If Shigaraki was this distant while you were pregnant, how would he be as a dad? You were starting to doubt him.

The last straw came when you woke up alone with a splitting headache. You walked into the kitchen to take some Tylenol.

“Hey, babe, can you go to the store later?” Shigaraki asked.

“Tomura, I'm pregnant, ” you said, pointing to your stomach.

“How does that stop you from going to the store?” he said.

“You're acting like such a fucking child right now, ” you complained.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. We're out of milk, by the way, ” he pointed out.

You were so done with him. You were carrying his child, and he wanted you to go out in the cold on an icy road for some fucking milk.

“You know what. If you're gonna act like a fucking baby, Shigaraki, you can drink like one too, ” you said, pulling your shirt over your head, “if you want milk that badly, come fucking get it, ”

He was about to hit back at you until he looked up and saw you topless.

“Well? What are you waiting for? If you wanted milk badly enough to make your pregnant wife drive out in the cold down an icy freeway for it, surely this won't be a problem,” you said.

He stood up from where he was crouched, eyeing you carefully. Your arms were crossed as you tapped your foot impatiently.

“Any day now, Shig, ” you said.

He walked over to you, still unsure if you were serious. He was standing right in front of you, looking at your chest and back up to your eyes, still confused and a little shocked.

You huffed in annoyance before guiding his head to your chest. He was face to face with your tits, staring at them.

This had started as a joke, but now you just wanted him to touch you. He never held you or cuddled you, and you couldn't remember the last time you'd been kissed.

“Well?” you sighed, “do you want milk or not?”

He nodded slowly, leaning in.

“But doesn't the baby need some too?” he asked.

“Babe, I make more, ” you said.

He nodded, impressed but confused by the concept of his wife being able to just make milk. He sucked softly, pleasantly surprised when milk actually came out. He was never sending you to the store again. He wrapped his arms around your waist, still in an awkward crouching position.

“Can we go sit on the couch?” he mumbled into your chest.

“Sure. Let me take a Tylenol first, ” you said.

He was waiting patiently for you on the couch, looking hopeful. You sat down next to him, laying down a bit so he could lay on your chest. He left little kisses on your chest before beginning to suck again.

He looked so peaceful, eyes half-closed with a slight smile on his face. He pulled away.

“I've been a bad husband, ” he whispered, “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, y/n, ”

He rubbed your stomach, sighing softly.

“I'm just worried I'm gonna be a bad dad. I'm happy. I'm so excited to start a family with you, but at the same time, I don't want to think about it. Instead of dealing with it, I've missed so much. The doctor's appointments, the baby kicking for the first time, ” his voice began to break.

“I didn't take care of you the way I was supposed to. I already fucked up at taking care of the kid. And I fucked up at taking care of you, ” you could tell he was on the verge of tears.

He sniffled, so you guided his head back to your chest, scratching his head as he sucked. He shut his eyes, and a few stray tears rolled down his cheeks.

“I'll do better y/n. I'm gonna take care of you and this kid, ” he promised, “it's us against the whole fucking world. We're gonna win this fucking war before you give birth, so our kid doesn't have to grow up in this godforsaken world, ”

He nuzzled into your chest again, rubbing your stomach.

“I love you, yn, ” he mumbled into your chest.

“I love you too. Even though you've been an asshole for months, ” you smiled, ruffling shigaraki’s hair.

“Sorry again, ” he said.

“It's okay, babe. You can make it up to me, ” you smirked.

To be continued? You guys can decide. I can turn this smutty if y'all want.

#shigaraki fluff #mha shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tenko #tomura shiragaki #tomurashigaraki #shigaraki tomura #tomura fluff #tomura x reader #mha tomura #tomura imagine #mommy milkers #peg shigaraki 2021 #requests open #fluff #mha fluff #shigaraki x pregnant reader

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chefdoeuvre · 3 years

Text

Instinct

Jay Halstead

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Fem!Reader

Description: No matter how hard you try to hide it Jay can read you like an open book.

Words: 1,479

Requested: yes by anonymous; So I thought it would be cute if Jay and reader have just started seeing each other secretly and she's acting off and quiet at work and he notices before everyone else please?? Thank you x

Warnings: angst (if you can even call it that), mentions of cancer, fluff as usual.

A/N: I just want my own Jay Halstead. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.

—

After leaving Jay's place early that morning you made your way back home. You hadn't initially planned on staying the night, but there was something about being in his arms that made you not want to get up. You pulled up to your building and ran up to your apartment. Hurriedly heading inside you made a beeline for the bathroom and took a quick shower. Once you finished up your shower you pulled on your normal work clothes, which consisted of a plain shirt and jeans. Grabbing your holster and your badge you clipped them onto your jeans. You headed to the kitchen and scrounged for some form of quick breakfast before you would head off to your usual coffee shop.

Just as you began quickly munching on a granola bar your phone began ringing from the couch where you had tossed it when you walked in. The caller ID was your mom, so with furrowed brows, you answered the phone.

"Mom?" You asked.

A sniffle was heard on the other end before she spoke, "hi, sweetie."

"Mom, what's wrong?" At this point, you had started pacing and racked your brain for what possibly could have gone wrong.

"It's your father..." Your mother began, but she trailed off.

"Is he?" You couldn't even say the words out loud.

"No! It's not that, he went to the doctor the other day." She took a deep breath before continuing. "They said he has lung cancer." Your mom quickly explained after realizing where your mind had gone.

"What else?" You questioned in a whisper, holding your tears back to be strong for your mother.

"They caught it early, he's starting chemotherapy soon. Hopefully, he'll beat it since it's in the early stage still." Your mom continued.

"Can I talk to him?" You asked as you chewed on your lip, a bad habit you did whenever you became nervous.

The shuffling from the other end was heard and then your father spoke, "hi, honey." Even with his recent diagnosis, you could hear the smile in his voice, that's how he always was, happy no matter what.

"Hi, daddy." You whispered with a small smile from hearing your father's voice.

"I heard you finally got into Intelligence, I hope Hank is treating my best daughter well." He laughed, even if you had been in the unit for quite a while every time you talked he would tease Voight about treating you well, they had been best friends since they were young.

"Dad, I'm your only daughter and I've already told you, it's going great." You laughed, shaking your head.

"That's good to hear. Now, I don't know what your mother told you but don't worry about me, I'll be back to the same old me soon enough." Your father reassured you, "and shouldn't you be heading to work now?" Your father asked in a teasing tone.

"Alright, dad. And yeah I should, but it's fine one late won't kill my career. I'll just bribe Voight with his favorite coffee order." You joked.

"Bye, sweetheart." Your parents both said before ending the call.

Wiping the stray tears off your face you decided to skip out on going to the coffee shop and would just drink the burnt one they had at work. Taking a deep breath you set off to work, pulling on a coat and pocketing your phone.

Walking into the district you greeted Trudy with a small smile and headed up the stairs to Intelligence. Making your way to your desk Jay looked over to you and sent you a wide smile. In response, you gave him a tight-lipped one back. He furrowed his brows at your behavior, but decided he wouldn't push it and chalked it up to the early morning you had after leaving his apartment to make it on time to work.

The day got off to a quick start with you guys getting a case within an hour of arriving to work. Throughout the entire time, you had been silent and only spoke up to provide important points that the others missed. After uncovering more information Voight began setting up a sting. You were paired up with your usual partner, which just so happened to be Jay. This also was the reason why you had kept your relationship a secret, so much so that not one soul knew besides the two of you.

You were off in a corner pulling on your vest when Jay came up behind you to help.

"Hey, you alright?" Jay whispered, sweeping your hair to one side.

"Yeah, I'm good." You answered shortly, Jay caught on to this because whenever he would ask you a question of some sort you'd always babble on about the little things that made you happy that day.

This was the second thing today that set him off which made him furrow his brows in confusion. You were all smiles when you left this morning and he was racking his brain for anything he might have said to upset you, but came up with nothing.

After strapping on your thigh holster and checking your gun you hopped into Jay's truck and waiting for him. You looked down at your jeans and picked at the hole by your knee from when you tackled a perp. The sound of a door opening made you lift your head and you were met with concerned blue eyes. You did your best to give the man a small reassuring smile before directing your attention back to your lap.

Tilting his head like a confused puppy Jay eyed your movements carefully. Whatever was wrong had bothered you so much that it made you find your shoes the most interesting things in the world at the moment. Giving you one last glance Jay turned the key and started the car.

You guys quickly headed in and were out within minutes. Apparently, the offenders were in way over their heads and dropped everything after Intelligence busted into the warehouse. Dragging the last person out you handed him off to an officer and beelined to Jay's truck. Hopping in you let out a deep breath and pulled your hair out of the tight ponytail it was in. You leaned your head back before shutting your eyes. You didn't hear Jay get in and he examined your expression before announcing his presence.

"Y/N?" Jay spoke up.

Your eyes shot open and you spun around in your seat to face your boyfriend. Your eyes were wide at the sudden sound, you hadn't even realized he entered the car.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Jay asked, placing a gentle hand on your arm.

You closed your eyes and leaned forward, letting your head fall onto Jay's shoulder. Instinctively his hand went to your hair and raked through it. In this moment you were thankful for the tinted windows that hid the two of you from plain sight and the fact Jay had parked farther away.

"No, I'm not." You murmured quietly that Jay barely heard it.

"You wanna talk about it?" Jay asked pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

"I'll tell you about it later." You shook your head.

Later had come and now you sat on Jay's couch bundled up in a blanket while a Blackhawks game played on the television. Jay was in his room pulling out your favorite hoodie of his. Walking out he handed you the article of clothing.

"What's this?" You asked sitting up.

"Your favorite hoodie of mine." Jay shrugged nonchalantly as he took a seat beside you.

You thanked him with a small smile and he gave you a soft one in return. Once you had pulled on his hoodie, which was big and baggy on you, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. He pulled you into his side and rubbed up and down your arms.

"My ears are open for whenever you're ready." Jay reassured you.

He had his fair share of communication problems when it came to sharing his feelings so he understood if you didn't want to talk about it just yet.

"It's my dad." You began with a whisper. Jay only nodded for you to continue.

"He got diagnosed with cancer, they called me this morning." Jay squeezed your shoulders as he hugged you tightly.

"Thanks." You said after a few moments of silence.

"For what?" Jay questioned.

"I don't know, for noticing?" You said, but it was phrased more like a question.

"I know you better than you think." Jay mused placing a kiss on the top of your head.

You let out a small laugh and wrapped your arms around Jay's waist tightly. The two of you stayed in that position the majority of the night until he had to practically carry to bed once you dozed off after the game ended.

#request #fanfiction #imagine #one shot #one chicago #chicago pd #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd imagine #one chicago imagine #one chicago fanfiction #jay halstead x you #jay halstead x y/n #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead

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astro-rain · 3 years

Text

delicate; b.barnes

chapter nineteen - “tomorrow”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2.8k

synopsis: reader is faced with a very distressing ultimatum and has to deal with the consequences.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

authors note: omg pls listen to “water under the bridge” by adele after reading this it’s fits so well

Muted. She felt muted - but not necessarily in a bad way. Everything in her was dialed down and dulled. Over the last couple days, Y/N had toned down her emotions, feeling less. Call it a coping skill. Call it a stress response. Whatever. It wasn't like she was sad about it. In a way, in was comforting - not having some overwhelming internal angst.

It had been a week since that fight she and Bucky got into. The mature part of her was telling her to find him and talk it out like the adults they were. But here's the thing. Over time, before they even had the fight, the number of therapy sessions they were having was less frequent as his treatment was improving. The sessions were more intermittent now, and there wasn't one scheduled for a while. Until then, she felt no desire to talk to him.

Was she mad? Sad? She wasn't sure. She just avoided thinking of things that caused her a considerable amount of distress. At this particular moment in time, Bucky was one of those things. Ergo, she made a constant effort to ignore all thoughts of him.

Though, she somehow couldn't entirely ignore the ever present lack of... Bucky. She had gotten so used to having him close by, used to having someone to talk to, laugh with. His proximity had become a constant. A comfort. She refused to admit to herself that silence didn't feel like silence anymore; it just felt like the absence of his voice.

She found she needed to keep herself busy.

Bucky handled it a bit differently. He had lots of intense emotions but he didn't mute them, per say. He didn't ignore them. He felt them, he definitely felt them. He just kept them bottled up inside and talked about it to no one. It was a very strange change of routine. Whenever he had some sort of emotional turmoil, he would always go to her - therapy session or not - to vent, rant, ask for advice, or just talk through a stream of consciousness. Now he just had to sit with it.

He spent most of his time alone. He missed her.

"Hey Shuri," Y/N greeted as she entered the princess' lab.

"Hello," Shuri smiled. "Come sit."

This wasn't a routine visit. Shuri mentioned wanting to talk about something else this time. Something important. She was reminded of this when she walked in to find two Doras sitting with Shuri at a lab table.

"So," Shuri started, "The trigger word experiment. We're here to discuss safety and security."

Shit. That awful thing. It had slipped her mind these past couple days.

"Alright. What are we thinkin'?"

"Well, the Doras don't think it would be necessary to have two of them there with you, but if you would feel safer with two, then that's fine as well."

"I think one is fine. I trust your judgment," Y/N nodded to the Doras.

And I'm not afraid of Bucky, she thought but didn't say.

"We also have a special location to run the experiment," one of the Doras, Ayo, added. "Away from people and secluded in the case of an emergency."

"Okay. That sounds good."

"We understand Barnes is now equipped with the vibranium arm, yes?" Shuri asked.

"Yes, he is."

"Then you need to know something for the experiment."

Y/N's brows furrowed, confused. Was she missing something?

"There's sort of a fail safe built into the arm," Shuri began.

Fail safe?

"There are a series of pressure points when, if hit correctly, will disengage the arm. It will just drop to the ground. So if anything were to happen-"

"I'm sorry, what?"

The expression on Shuri's face changed immediately when she heard her partner's tone. Y/N looked bewildered and almost in disbelief.

"It's there as a precaution in case Barnes needs to be put in check."

Suddenly, every emotion she had been "muting" rushed back into her head. Every feeling for Bucky returned, as well as her compulsion to protect him.

"Building that into the arm shows a complete lack of trust."

"You know what HYDRA did. It's unpredictable, and I'm sorry but we just can't be sure."

"We need to be careful with this so it doesn't blow up in our faces," Ayo said.

"I understand having that precaution for this test, I do. But it isn't just this test. Given it was successful and everything worked out, he was supposed to keep the arm. Right?"

"Right."

"So we fix the HYDRA programming and he's free, but leave the 'fail safe' in so after all of this, he still has someone in control of him."

"The arm is a gift," Ayo stated. "He should be happy he has it at all."

"I understand that, and believe me, he is so grateful. But a gift is for someone else to keep and use as their own. How are we supposed to help him and work with him for months, building trust and aiding him in healing to just tarnish all of that with deception?"

"It's what's best for the protection of all."

"Even after the experiment if it's successful?" Y/N cried in disbelief. "I should say when it's successful. Shuri, I've been seeing his progress for months and working with you on his neurobiology data. Can't you tell how much skill has been put into this? It's us. It's going to work."

"Even still."

"I can't stand for that. I would understand if it was just for this test, but after? We haven't come this far just to not trust our own work and Bucky's deprogramming. He deserves to have someone on his side."

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but it's already been done. The arm is already built and being used."

"This is the plan," Ayo declared. "Either you are on board, or you are free to leave Wakanda. We can fly you out as soon as tomorrow morning."

"I can't knowingly be a part of this. It's wrong."

"As I said. Free to leave."

She refused to be a willing participant in perpetuating the loss of Bucky's autonomy. He's been through enough, had enough taken from him. She would not play a single role in taking more away.

"I guess I have to go then," she said, standing from her chair.

She couldn't believe the words coming from her own mouth.

Shuri sighed. "That's very unfortunate, my partner. I'm sorry we couldn't agree on this."

"I am, too. But please. Please consider what this will do to him. It's like saying 'even though we've all been working with you, we don't actually believe that you're not still a weapon.' What is he supposed to think of that?"

"Barnes isn't going to have to think anything about it..."

"...because he isn't going to know," Ayo finished the thought.

"No..."

"It's the way it has to be."

"No it's not."

"Y/N..."

She took a couple steps back, preparing to leave the room. "No, I'm sorry. I can't. He needs to know. I'm going to have to tell him."

"I'd advise against it if you care about your job," called an unfamiliar voice.

Y/N turned to the other Dora, whom she didn't know.

"What?"

"What would your employers think if they knew their doctor had certain... inappropriate relations with a patient? And a very infamous one at that."

She froze, face burning. Her stomach dropped and her breathing stopped dead.

Did they-? Who else-? How did they-? What did they-?

She couldn't form a single coherent thought.

"You are more than free to leave quietly, without any worries" said the Dora, "but if Barnes knows about this, you can be sure that the rest of the world will know about you and your... relations."

It was then when she could feel almost every piece of her world come crashing down. She could feel every test she took, every research project she was a part of, every hour she spent studying for the career that took years to build. The thing she was most proud in this world, the part of herself she most loved. She felt the job she loved and all the things she had learned and accomplished begin to crumble around her.

This career... it was her life. It was her passion. It was all she had. Now she was in immediate danger of losing it. All she could process was fear; she shut down.

Finally, she managed words.

"Okay," she conceded, her defeated voice barely above a whisper. "I'll go... quietly. I'm sorry."

With that, she turned around and took the remaining steps out of the now silent room.

- - -

When she was in the hallway, she felt like she was dying. The guilt was overwhelming. How could she betray him like this? She tried to fight for Bucky to get the truth and now she has to hide it from him and leave him. She has to lie to him.

Y/N was still in shock, completely immersed in her own fear. It felt as if she wasn't in her body. She knew she was moving - walking down the hallway. But her body was just on autopilot; she was gone.

She couldn't tell if she was crying but she could feel a twinging in her eyes and a burning in her nose. She was also hardly breathing so if she was crying, it was nearly silent.

In a faraway echo, she thought she heard her own footsteps. She wasn't sure where they were taking her, but she wasn't sure if she cared.

She walked, and she kept on walking for a long time. She could feel the ache in her feet once she sat down in front of the water. She hadn't planned to go to the waterfall - that waterfall... their waterfall. It just sort of happened. Perhaps it was a long enough distance away to feel safe.

She finally let herself think for a moment.

What the fuck had just happened? Her exact fears had come to be. Somehow, someone saw or figured out her and Bucky. It felt worse than she thought it would. Exposed. Embarrassed. Guilty. Humiliated. Distressed.

It was numbing. So numbing that she stared at the little pool and let the white noise of the waterfall clog her ears until she was able to lose track of time.

She had no idea how long it had been when he approached her.

"Y/N!" Bucky's voice called as he jogged over after catching sight of her. "I've been looking for you! Can we please talk?"

His voice snapped her out of it, but her gaze remained fixed on the water in front of her. She wasn't sure what to do, how to engage with him; she froze.

When she didn't even turn her head, Bucky guessed she was still upset with him. He didn't want to be a bother, but he needed to talk to her. He sat down right next to her.

"Okay..." he started, carefully. "I know things aren't great between us right now, but-"

She turned her head to him and the words died in his throat when he saw her face: bloodshot, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. He forgot whatever he was going to say, cupping both sides of her face.

"Oh my god, what happened!? A-Are you alright?"

The cool metal of his hand on her cheek made her want to scream, reminding her of what she could not tell him. Reminding her of the searing guilt. Trembling hands reached up to touch his arms. And then he saw the quiver in her lip.

"Oh, honey," he cooed, worried. "Hey... Hey, talk to me. Talk to me, what's wrong?"

He was so concerned and so sweet even after they had a huge blowout. If possible, it made her feel even worse. She didn't deserve his kindness anymore. She just stared into him with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen.

Bucky had never seen her like this and he was scared. Was it because of him and their fight? He supposed so. What else could it have been?

"I'm so sorry, please don't cry," he caressed the back of her head with one hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of what I said, I was just mad. You were right. I feel awful, I had no idea it upset you this much."

Their fight was the very last thing on her mind. Looking back on it, it seemed like such a trivial thing compared to now. But he thought this was his fault. She wanted to break into a million tiny pieces and let the wind blow her away.

She shook her head. "Bucky, no. It's not that. It's not you."

He looked so confused. She felt so bad.

"Then what... what's wrong?"

"I'm leaving."

Bucky leaned back, perplexed, and his hands slid down to rest on her forearms. "Leaving? You're leaving Wakanda?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, hey- You don't have to leave. We can figure something out. We were too risky, you were right. I understand that now. We don't have to do that anymore. We can make sure that we're always completely in private from here on out."

She shook her head, staring down at the grass below her. "I'm sorry, I can't... I can't do that. I have to leave."

She could barely look him in the face.

"You don't, it's okay," he implored. "I know it worried you, but it really only was Steve. And I know, I know it could have been anyone and I get that. I thought about it, and I get it. We don't ever have to... sleep together... again. We won't be distracted, and-and we'll be careful."

She clenched her eyes shut, trying not to let her burning eyes release more tears. It didn't work.

"Bucky..."

"Baby doll please," his voice cracked while he tipped her chin up to meet her eyes again. "We can just-... we can just go back to the way it was before. In the very beginning. We can- we'll only see each other in sessions, we don't-... No more lake trips or all-nighters or anything just-"

He sharply inhaled, beginning to ramble as his breath became unsteady.

His voice shook just slightly. "You can barely even talk to me if you don't want to- just please don't go..."

She thought a part of her cracked and died at that moment. She sprung forward and held him as tight as she could. Instinctively one of Bucky's arms was around her back and the other cradled the back of her head.

She thought maybe if she held tight enough, she could keep them together and she wouldn't have to leave him there alone. Of course he would be fine, but he would spend the rest of his time feeling like it was his fault that she had gone.

She couldn't let him think this was his fault.

"Buck, I don't wanna leave you. But I have to do what's best for the both of us. You'll be just fine without me. I promise."

He didn't think so.

"I'm putting your treatment and my career in jeopardy if I stay," she continued. "I just don't want anything bad to happen to either of us. I'm sorry if you hate this and I'm sorry if you hate me for doing it."

He mumbled something in the crook of her neck, but she couldn't hear it. She pulled back from the embrace.

"What?"

"I could never hate you."

Despite the fact that she was so internally distraught, despite what happened with Shuri and the Doras, with having to tell Bucky she was going to leave him, with having to watch him beg her to stay, despite the extreme dread and guilt within her, she still looked at him and felt so much love.

She was doing the very thing he feared and all he could do was care for her.

"God, I'm gonna miss you," she breathed before grasping his jaw, and pulling his head to hers.

Bucky tasted salt and he couldn't tell if it was his or her tears mixing into their lips.

As much as he wanted her to stay, he could sense how serious she was about this. He wouldn't be able to convince her to stay even if he tried. And he already did.

He could only soak up as much of her as he could before she left, and be with her until she had to go. He had no idea how much time he had. Wait-

"When are you leaving?" he broke the kiss as soon as the thought arose.

She was silent for a moment when another tear dripped down her face. "Tomorrow."

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ontowanderlust · 3 years

Text

*:･ﾟ✧ How to say I love you: Prompt #7

Love...at first sight was a notion he had always despised.

A notion that is full of irrationality, something that had never made sense- not to him.

He used to sneer and judge people for giving in to their emotions, for giving in to their whims, not fully understanding just what it is that had them falling over their feet for the person they had just met.

That is, until it happened to him.

Falling in love at first sight of her was something he hadn't planned nor counted on. Just what was it that piqued his interest for her?

Was it her wit? Was it her charm? Her beauty, perhaps? Or was it the refreshing aura she possessed?

Whatever it was, he had fallen and how deep had he fallen.

Which is quite dangerous not just for him but for her as well. As a man shrouded with a past no one dared to traverse, he had a few enemies of his own and if they were to find out about her existence, hell would be unleashed.

Naturally because of this, he decided to keep everything to himself- these treacherous emotions of his and the past he never dare spoke from her.

Partly to shield her from the ugliness of it all but also to protect her from- from what? From him. From the devastation kept within him.

Despite the tight reign he had of himself, he couldn't help the desolation he felt whenever they interact.

While they shared banters and laughter, he could feel the abyss between the two of them, a distance wide enough that he dared not cross. Not when he wanted her safe.

He was satisfied with this. He should be, right? He chose this, he wanted this for her- for the only woman who managed to catch his eye. His loneliness doesn't matter so long as she's alright.

He had kept his distance so why... why did she get hurt still?

Wasn't she accompanied by her childhood friend? The two of them couldn't be more careful during the mission so why on earth had he received a call saying she is subjected to an overnight observation for the injuries she sustained?

"Ah, Dr. Richter!" her voice seemed too cheery for a person who had just escaped a near death experience.

What's this? What's this ache in his chest? This suffocating feeling of drowning into nothingness?

"What brings you here?" her words brought him out of his reverie, his mouth forcing a tight smile so as to not worry her. And yet, with a tilt of her head, it seemed as nothing really went past her.

"I-" did his voice just cracked? In her presence, no less.

Clearing his throat, he made his way towards her, sitting just beside her bed as he explained how he received the news of her brave yet foolish act and the status of their mission and in return, she had relayed what the doctors told her at his insistence.

"You really shouldn't have rushed towards here, doctor." she said with the same smile she had always worn. "As you can see, I'm perfectly fine."

Her words, while it is not out of her character to say that, why does it feel like she's drifting far, far away?

"That doesn't mean I cannot worry about you," the words spilling right before he could even think. "You're not indestructible after all."

He hadn't meant for her to hear those words but in his panic, he had forgotten to keep a tight hold of his thoughts... of his feelings.

Wasn't this what he wanted? Wasn't he satisfied with loving her from afar?

Hadn't he vowed not to go after her? To put in too much distance between them in the guise of protecting her?

And yet, she still got hurt. Maybe not because of him but still, she could've-

The dizzying effect of whiplash suddenly hit him. If he were to lose her- if her childhood friend hadn't been quick to his reflexes, would he be able to talk to her as they are now? Would he be able to see her still?

A sudden chill rushed through him- is this what it feels to be scared?

"It seems as if I've really worried you deeply," she commented in half-jest.

"Yes," although an answer wasn't warranted, he felt compelled to get his point across, surprising the both of them. "So please... please be careful."

His eyes met hers and if it were in a different circumstance, he would've relished the astounded look on her face, greedily drinking the sight of a speechless attorney and yet, all he felt in that moment was bitterness.

He couldn't lose her. Not yet.

Mind made up, he averted his eyes as heat pooled over his cheeks. "If I may be so bold..." his voice slow and unsure, a spark of courage igniting inside him.

"...may I please hug you?"

His poor heart thumping loudly against his chest and with the silence engulfing them, he couldn't help but think, can she hear it?

His request was meant to be an assurance, just something that will convince him that she's here- safe and sound.

"Yes, of course."

As he wrapped his arms around her, he could only finally let go of his tight reigns from these emotions he had all but locked up, finally taking a step towards her- distance be damned.

He knows he's throwing away his efforts to keep her at bay, to protect her from a distance but no matter, he'll figure out another way, preferably a way where he doesn't have to hide these feelings for her.

Placing his forehead on the crown of her head, he placed a light feathery kiss on her hair, so light that she won't notice it... along with a silent declaration of his love for her.

I've written a first draft of this prompt while my brain was shutting down on me and I felt unsatisfied with that so I didn't publish it the moment I was done with it and wrote a different take with the first draft which is what you just read... all the while listening to the cover of Hello in uh, Swedish version? The title's My Kullsvik and it's just amazing.

Writing Vyn is quite a challenge cause for me, I think he's the most detached LI among the four- eight, if you guys count the MLQC guys. I believe he is a double edged sword but like- he's still less shadier than Lulu so point for him, I guess? Also easter egg: he's the only one who never spoke the three words directly among the other guys.

Here’s the link to the original/inspiration piece: 8 ways to say I love you by R. Mckinley

#tears of themis #tears of themis moritsuki rei #moritsuki rei #tears of themis vyn richter #vyn richter #it's quite soothing to the ears #sad but soothing #listen to my kullsvik!#just one more guy and I think you guys know who's the last guy #wink wonk

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alloverthegaf · 2 years

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How did you decide to move? I'm feeling like a fresh start but worried I will miss it once I leave. Do you have any regrets?

well it obviously made the decision much easier for me in that moving meant actually being with my boyfriend instead of us seeing each other a few times a year. but whenever anyone asked why I was moving, I didn't like saying it was for him, because it wasn't the full truth.

I also wanted a fresh start, had for years, quite desperately. I wanted to move to Sydney but I was too scared to. I didn't have any close friends there and I was sure, like when I left for uni, I would end up failing, alone, and just have to come home again. so when I got a boyfriend who I loved that happened to live in Sydney, it was not only motivation to be with him, but it was like that advantage I'd been waiting for.

so I don't know your situation, and how different it is from mine; I wanted to make that clear first. I had something of a safety net when I mad my big leap.

some things have been tough since living here, mostly finding a new job after working at the same place for 10 years. You may have seen that I just quit that job after 6 months because of how awful it was. but living in the city, I know there's so many more job opportunities waiting for me, so I'm not too worried about that right now.

what I miss the most about home (other than all my pets) is being in a small country town, I knew everyone I ever had to make an appointment with. my doctor knew me and my family; so did my psychologist. my mechanics were friends with the family. everyone knew me at my favourite bakery, at the main pub, the library. it was hard giving up all of that familiarity, especially when comparing it to city people, who are generally not nearly as interested in getting to know you. I miss that little comfort.

but other than that, there's not much I do miss, mostly because I'd lost most of what kept me tied to home. again, I don't know your situation, it could be very different to mine, but I no longer had a single friend back home. I mostly just had bitter memories. I had my parents, of course, and their friends, but that's really not enough, and sometimes living with them was hard too. So I honestly wasn't leaving much behind to miss.

I guess this is a long way of saying I made the decision because at that point I knew without a doubt it was the best decision for me. I knew whatever challenges I had to deal with, I would be happier for it, and I was right. literally every time my parents talk to me on the phone they comment about how much happier I seem. 2 nights ago mum said I've become someone they had almost forgotten existed. but again, a lot of that has to do with Ron.

you will miss things about your home if you leave, absolutely. but if you really believe that a fresh start is what you need, I think you should go for it. it could truly change your life for the better. and hopefully, if things don't end up working out, you have someone you can come back home to. but you won't really know until you try.

that being said, don't force yourself to leave before you feel ready. even if it takes a bit longer than you'd like, you'll be glad you waited if it means you're more prepared.

I'm sorry if this wasn't much help, I just don't want to give too much advice based on my own unique situation. but please keep me up to date on what you decide to do, I would love to know how it goes! good luck!

#non fandom #asks #Anonymous

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beebubbly · 3 years

Text

Six degrees of separation

Ethan x Sophie Grey

First, you think the worst is a broken heart.

Ethan’s heart contracted in his chest as he gritted his teeth to stop himself from chasing after Sophie as he watched her walk away from him in the beer garden. He reminded himself that this was for the best. This was what was best for her...but it still hurt him to push her away, to make her think that he didn’t care for her that way anymore especially after he had just ran away to the amazon.

What’s gonna kill you is the second part.

Her hand lingered against his, and he allowed himself to indulge for a moment, stroking his thumb against her soft skin. He stared down at their hands wanting both to pull her closer and kiss her and a small part of him wanted to pull away to keep her safe.

“Sophie...”

“I know” she replied in a whisper.

Ethan let the moment linger, knowing that it would have to end soon, that ache in his chest returned as he let his eyes meet her hazel ones, he could see the emotions swirling around, the comfort from the touch, the desire and a little bit of hurt.

“We’ll be okay. We’ll make it work”

“Yeah”

Her eyes moved from his down to their hands where he was still stroking her own ever so slightly, not daring to do more. The broken word made his heart break more than it was. He was about to comfort her again when the doors opened and Baz strolled in, making the pair bolt up from their chairs, pulling apart.

“Whoops! Forgot my pager! That could’ve been very bad!” the other doctor said cheerly, not realising the moment he was unintentionally interrupting.

“Hrm. Yes. It’s right over there on the table” Ethan managed to get out evenly as he spotted the device on the wooden surface.

As Baz retrieved his pager and exited the office, Sophie headed towards the door as well, turning back with a longing look. Ethan found himself gazing back but remained silent, urging himself not to follow after her one more.

And the third, is when your world splits down the middle.

Ethan was furious.

Furious with her and at himself. After a rather surprising visit from a young woman named Gwyneth Monroe insisting they were hired he had learned that Sophie was behind the idea and that made the board very happy. He was angry that she had gone behind his back especially after he told her no. He pinched the bridge of his nose, jaw tight with anger.

He looked up and spotted the young diagnostician heading down the corridor towards him. Her long red hair was worn in loose waves that framed her face. Her hazel eyes were filled with worry that Ethan could see from here. But all he could focus on was the fact she had gone behind his back.

“...Rookie. Do you have anything to say for yourself?” he asked her.

“...About?”

Ethan guided her around the corner and pointed through the window of the diagnostic’s teams’s patient room.

“About this!"

He watched her expression as she took in the scene before them, the chaos of the room, then he noted the realization dawn across her face as she turned her head to look at him. Sophie pulled her bottom lip between her teeth unconsciously as she frowned.

“Dr Ramsey, I don’t-”

“Save it. We’ll talk about this later. Right now, we’ve to work to do” he cut her off.

He was angry but he reminded himself that she had only done what she thought was best for the hospital and for the young patient.

Fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself.

The rain patter against the windscreen if his otherwise silent car. He took a steady breath as he wondered what was going on in the shop with Sophie and his estranged mother.

Ethan gave a small chuckle, only she could convince him to spy on his own mother who had abandoned him for far too long. She was also the only one to make him consider things he never would have before. The car door opened making him jump slightly.

"Jesus" he said alarmed as Sophie climbed in and shut the door behind her.

"You didn't see me coming?" Sophie asked, her hair damp from the rain.

"I can't see anything in all this rain" he told me. "...How did it go?"

"Ethan, she...told me she was proud of her son"

"You spoke to her?" he asked surprised.

"Yeah, for a minute. She saw my I.D. badge and told me her son was a doctor, too" Sophiebsaid. "She said she was more proud of him than he'd ever know"

Ethan stared straight ahead, refusing to betray any emotion.

"I...hrm...I see" he said after a moment. "We should get back to the hospital"

He turned the engine back on, the headlights cutting twin paths through the rain.

"Thanks for making me do this, Sophie. I think I needed it" he told her softly.

"You're welcome, Ethan" she smiled at him.

Ethan's hand found her, fingers tenderly laced through her smaller ones. His heart beated a little faster as they exchanged a shy smile. Ethan held her hand tight all the way back to Edenbrook.

Fifth, you see them out with someone else.

Edenbrook had won the softball game, all thanks to Sophie. Ethan watched as she paraded around the field a bright smile on her face which made him feel warm.

He watched as her friends and roommates ran over to her and excitedly pulled her into a group hug. The corners of his lips turned up slightly for a moment. He was just about to approach her when the scalpel jockey slid his arm around her.

What was worse, Sophie allowed his arm to remain there and even leaned her head onto his shoulder putting a small delicate hand to his chest as she spoke to her friends.

Ethan felt his heart contract in his chest, much similar to when he had pushed her away many times.

This was his own fault, he scolded himself. He pushed her away so much that she had given up on whatever was between them.

And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little.

His heart thundered in his chest, a million thoughts raced around his mind which he had no control over.

He could lose her.

Ethan listened in silence as she told him how she regretted not loving more.

"Since we're sharing regrets, do you mind if I share one of mine?" he questioned.

"Go ahead"

Ethan's gloved hand found Sophie's one, he couldn't feel her skin like he usually did, he missed the feeling of her soft skin beneath his.

"I wish I hadn't asked you to stay away" he said softly.

"You do?" Sophie asked sounding surprised.

"We've wasted so much time. I've wasted so much time. I should have held you in my arms every day and told you how much I..." he hesitated for just a moment.

"How much I care about you"

How much I love you. He really wanted to say, but he realised that if he said those words- he'd be giving up, he'd be admitting she was as good as dead.

"Ethan, I've always thought we should be together" Sophie admitted bringing him back.

"You have?" he smiled.

"Kind of thought it was obvious, actually"

"I'd hate to presume anything. Though... that feeling was very definitively mutual"

Ethan held her hand tightly, the smile not leaving his face. He felt so happy, yet so sad at the same time.

"I wish I could kiss you" Sophie said into the quiet room.

"Soon. You will soon" Ethan told her, his smile dropping. Their happiness faded almost as quickly as it came.

"Sophie? What's wrong?"

"It just hit me that Rafael might be the last real human contact I ever get to have, not through plastic" she sighed.

Ethan joined her on the bed, his bulky arms encircling her attempting to comfort both of them.

"Look at me" he ordered her softly.

Sophie looked at him through his helmet, her hazel eyes sparkled with unshed tears. Ethan's heart squeezed at the sight.

"You can't think like that. You can't give up"

"But I can, kiss you...sort of"

Sophie took his gloved hand and pressed her lips to it. He turned it over, cupping her chin. Sophie could just feel the pressure of his thumb stroking her cheek through the suit.

"Sophie..."

They laid together with their eyes locked until, at last, Sophie felt sleep cloud the edges of her mind. Sophie sighed and snuggled closer into Ethan's arms.

"I'm glad I at least got to hold you one last time..." Sophie mumbled softly.

"This isn't the last time, Sophie. I promise you that" he told her.

He was sure of that. He couldn't think of it in the otherwise, because if he did it killed him. One piece at a time.

Thank you for reading this! It's not the greatest thing ever written but I enjoyed trying to piece this together 💜

#choices #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #open heart

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