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#what yall know about “teenager posts” community

duckiedastardly · 2 months

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u can tell ppl who talk abt tumblr being the easy website for clicks have never been a niche microcelebrity on google+

#what yall know about “teenager posts” community #i want to get all my g+ mutuals in a room and reconnect over the horrors #google+

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celestialtarot11 · 3 months

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If you were a celeb, what would your vibe be? 💋🎬🌟 professions, careers etc 😍✨

Hi friends! Today we’ll be looking into something pretty fun! Your vibe as a celeb 💅🏻 enjoy and feel free to comment like and reblog 💗

Pile 1: Hi there pile 1’s! 🤗🌟 For pile 1 I am picking up you would be a singer or a musician of some kind. I’m seeing RGB lighting in a concert, slow dancing from you itself, holding the microphone and it’s a jazz kind of vibe. Slow and sensual, but enough to grip you because of the tantalizing way you sing 🤍 some of ya’ll may have beautiful voices! For some of ya’ll you have an indie vibe and keep it fun, lively, and sometimes sensual in the concerts 💅🏻 I also see you guys would have an awesome costume designer capturing a retro vintage style of dressing. Very dreamy colors, makeup, and visuals that is alluring. I feel you’d have such an alluring appearance and you’re private as well, you may not post personal information to the public but mostly share your band, music, and travels 🤗🤍 I absolutely adore this pile because this is my kind of music 😍 if ya’ll had a band already I’d book tickets! You’d travel to popular places like LA and the West Coast, NYC, Boston, I also heard Oregon…? That may resonate for a few of you 😂 But you love your fans and you’d have a close relationship with them, and i feel as a celeb your music is incredibly important. I feel like you’d make a lot of music based on romance & love and capturing how that feels. I feel like you’d be the celeb to bring back that teenager in us and thats why fans love you! 🤗💗 you cultivate a powerful community because you bring together nostalgic feelings & memories. I feel like people would definitely admire you a lot, and they’d love if you held Q&A sessions so they got to know your history with music, how you started, and how you met your band 👏 You’d have such a sex appeal too because you appear dreamy, comfortable, radiant and yet private 💋✨ some of yall may not be into music but modeling too, and you’d have a very dreamy appearance and unique look! Thank you my pile 1’s! Feel free to support by liking commenting and reblogging 🤍🌟

Pile 2: Hi there pile 2’s! We’ve got some influencers up in here in terms of health & wellness. Also fitness. I feel you guys would encourage your fans to eat healthier, and you’d do intensive research into healthier foods and holistic medicine 🌟💗 and as a result people really like you because you give them alternatives to medicine and popping pills 😂 also because I feel like you have a beautiful visual appearance. You appear put together, clean, professional and fun! You have a light hearted yet determined aura and people feel attracted to that 💅🏻✨ some of ya’ll might vlog & talk about your day, and people are invested in your workout routine, diet, and health! And also some of yall may have dogs so your fans would love them 🤗 I also feel like ya’ll would do wonderful creating your own wellness products and selling fitness related gear, people would love that! Especially those with disabilities that still want to work out. There’s something about you and how you create wellness products that are unique, they are designed for people that struggle or need help. I feel you hear your fans and you want to deliver results that are efficient and effective. I feel you’d work wonderfully with children too, and may pair up with organizations catered to the disabled and poverty. So people see you as incredibly humble, helpful, and supportive! You’re incredibly engaging with your fans & community and open to feedback! I feel like you’d be a great motivation speaker too, not because you’re aggressive but because you’re calm, efficient, and reliable in your tone. And you validate people’s experiences and feelings! People are drawn to your reassuring, gentle and determined personality 🤍🌟 you’d do great marketing fitness products too, or makeup products as well! If you’re into makeup you’d model and your fans love your reviews, they love how you do your makeup with precision and you’re unique with it too. You have innovative makeup ideas that people never thought of and it turns out beautiful 😍 I also feel you’d have something unique about your appearance and people cant forget it! It makes you stand out & beautiful 🤗💗 Overall you’d be open with your fans, inclusive, diverse and focus on educating them with health or tips for beauty 💗✨ so maybe you’re south asian and you want to make south asian makeup for those with olive undertones! That would be catering to a specific demographic! And people would greatly appreciate you because of how inclusive you are 🌟 thank you pile 2! Feel free to like comment and reblog for support 🤍

Pile 3: Hi there pile 3! So happy you’re here 🤍🤗 Lets get on with it shall we? Some of yall may have a welsh accent 😂 anyway! I feel like yall have great jokes and would be known for your comedy. Maybe you blow up as a meme at first and then you get into acting 💅🏻 and people are taken away by your skills and effort! You are effortlessly hilarious and yet intentional, and you’d be recognized for it. I feel you have a lot of charisma as a celeb too, because you’re natural at getting people to like you. You’re very good at conversation and with one conversation you’d have someone gripped. Especially an interviewer. I see a lot of people interviewing you & wanting to get to know you. Huge audience, and you love it all! Sometimes anxious, but eventually you and your PR form great bonds so they know when to pull you out 😂 but anyway, I feel like you’re a natural at understanding what to do, how to do it, and you’re overall amazing! You’d do wonderful in movies and tv shows! Some of ya’ll could also be a runway model, and behind the scenes your humor is what gets you noticed and you go on to have your own page, where you sell to your own fans any product 💗 and I feel like you’d keep a healthy distance with your fans! I also feel you’d have such a striking appearance especially your eyes, theres something very different and unique about the color or intensity. It leaves interviewers forgetting what they said 🤣 but they definitely are hooked! You have a lot of sex appeal and you may not realize it, but people do. People also create sexual fantasies of you in their mind & they daydream about you. You could take care of your body a lot and people admire that! Thank you pile 3 feel free to comment like or reblog! 💗🌟 thank yall so much!

Paid Readings 🤍✨

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kaceythecrunch · 2 months

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RANT. (sturntok.)

Yall. Im so mad. Sturntok pisses me the fuck off to the point it isn't even funny anymore. This might be messy, so bare with me.

Tara. Why the fuck is everyone pressed about Tara hanging out with the triplet, specifically matt and Chris. Yall are acting as if it was only two of them, like they're on a date. They were with fucking I don't know, 8 other people? Like why does Sturntok care who they hangout with? Did you not learn from elementary school to mind your bees wax, or business? You're probably 15. They're literally 5 years older than you. There is no way, in any universe they're gonna date you girl. ALSO TO SHIT ON TARA?? LIKE GIRL. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO SHIT ON CUZ HOMEGIRL DONT CARE. SHE DONT CARE. SHE IS STRIVING AND LIVING LIFE LIKE YOU SHOULD GIRL. Live life and don't care. You'll probably have a positive outcome. No cuz y'all know how Chris owns the Saturn necklace thing? Its vivienne underwood. It's less than 20 bucks on Amazon. Also when was the last time y'all saw Chris wearing that necklace girl. Also there's a post from like months, or I think a year ago of Tara wearing the same necklace. These fucking tiktok girls are so annoying. Like we get it, everyone wants to be Tara. (she's my gf.)

Podcast. I saw a bunch of btiches shit on the podcast. Like cmon. THEY ARE PRODUCING AN HOUR LONG VIDEO FOR YALL EVERY WEEK. Mfs are burnt out, you're lucky that they even produce content for you ungreatful hoes. Like lwk, I'd rather have them remove Wednesday videos. I remember when they first started their podcast that they were really excited to start and stuff. I also remember, I believe it was their earlier vlogs. When they were still living in Boston and they haven't like went to LA yet, they were talking about turning their basement into a podcast room. Like cmon. This is something they've been wanting to do and you hoes just don't appreciate anything. Like have y'all's mama's not been pissed at y'all for not appreciating her food. Live life positive and not negative tf. But ofc, I respect their decision.

Intro. Yall just love to shit on everyone. Ruining the party. Sturntok reminds me of the kids-the class "clowns" who would be so shitty to the teacher for no reason and would ruin fun things for everyone. Like guys, I think we should all as a community bully Sturntok. It requires a bit more bullying, just to knock some sense into their heads. Anyways, back to what I was ranting about. I loved their new intro. its a new era. A new them. Change. Is. Fucking. hard. I understand that you love the teens from Boston running around making fools of themselves. Me too, I shall admit it. But in order to get sponsorships, to get the little paring things. (For example, them sponsoring Celsius, even becoming the youtooz thing.) Like they gotta act more professional.

Change. This tied in with the last few things. CHANGE IS HARD. CHANGE IS A DIFFICULT THING. But how the fuck are you gonna live life, and enjoy life when your stuck on one thing forever. Change is needed for growth, and for learning. Like guys, THEYRE 20. I think that's something y'all forget. They aren't teenagers anymore. Its kinda like how when everyone went into middle school and started to not like kiddy things when you still liked kiddy things. When I was in middle school I still like to play with Legos, draw, watch anime. Until I hit 7th grade, aka everyone's downfall. I still enjoy some of those things today but I changed because people in middle school stopped like those things and its embarrassing (well for me at least) to show up in school with anime shirts cuz I'm getting older. Thats what they're feeling I guess. Again, theyre 20 now.

Crazy ass mfs. Crazy, as in them soft mf's on sturntok. Also what pisses me off more is that they're coming here on tumblr. Like no, I know your soft ass belongs on Wattpad bffr. I have a long rant about this one, so bare with me again. They are so so so so so SOOOOO sensitive about the "spicy edits." Sometimes the fucking video frame isn't even about something "spicy" aka- them being shirtless, video frame near their crotch. It was when there was a song about sex. How soft can you be. Most songs these days are about sex. Some songs y'all probably didn't know about was about sex. (cake by the ocean for example.) LIKE LETS ME FOR REAL. MOST SONGS ARE ABOUT SEX. Also with the tiktok audios being removed like cmon. Not everything is about sunshine and rainbows. I remember I commented on a Chris edit and I was like.

"I need this man in my life. He's so hot."

"you're fucking gross. He's a human being and do you know how grossed out he would be if he saw that you said this? (bullshitbullshit,morebullshitandstupidness.)"

Yeah, keeping fucking running your mouth. THIS TIKTOK HAS LIKE 4K VIEWS. DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH FUCKING FOLLOWERS THE TRIPLETS HAVE? YEAH. THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF WHAT THEY HAVE. THIS VIDEO HAS 1K COMMENTS. ARE THEY FUCKING HUNTING ME DOWN?? MY COMMENT HAS 3 LIKES. WHY WOULD THEY CARE TO FUCKING CHECK GIRL. ITS ALSO TELLING THE FUCKING PERSON WHO EDITED THIS THAT THIS EDIT WAS FIRE AND THAT THEY MADE THE EDIT HELLA GOOD. UR FUCKING LUCKY I KEPT MY ANGER TO MYSELF CUZ OH GIRL. I WOULD SUCKER PUNCH YOU. You know whats also funny? They're the same people who will be pissed with when they see matt or Chris with a female. Like girl. You're calling me fucking gross? Do you think how much more worse that is than my comment? You ruin friendships. OG sturniolo fans know that they've been friends with girls. If you genuinely care, yall would know that nick made most of matt and chris' friends. Meaning most of them were females. SO OBVIOUSLY THEYRE GONNA HAVE GIRL FRIENDS. I remember watching the Zach sang pod when nick was on and he explained that matt usually doesn't make the friends. Theres a joke where matt says "I'm gonna make a friend that wasn't originally nick's friends." smth like that. Anyways, off topic. Just because they are seen with a girl, doesn't mean they are fucking dating them. Like shut the fuck up. please. Respectfully shut the fuck because I'm a nice person. Also Chris gives off major virgin vibes lets bffr.

Madi. Yall hate so bad on Madi and its fucking grossing me out. Why do you have to ship her with matt and chris??? Literally to the point they can't even put her in photo dumps or videos. You just gotta ruin it for everyone, huh? shes fucking gorgeous, and she's so funny in videos. Plus, when she does talk shes hillarious. She literally reminds me of Matt. She doesn't fucking talk much because she is more of a listener.. Like guys bffr. How can you hate her when she barley spoke in videos. Like respectfully, shut the fuck up. Yall just jealous shes pretty.

Calling Nick fine. I also hate them mfs who are always running their mouth about girls calling Nick fine. Lets bffr. Y'all didn't think a gay guy is fine? I'm sure you've had a crush on one gay person before. And if you haven't trust me. You will. I had a crush on my gay friend in 8th grade. I feel like its a canon even in every girl's life. anyways, I hate when girls will be scared to call nick hot.

"Nick is so fine. But like as a cool guy friend way. Please don't attack me."

POOR GIRL BELIEVES SHE IS GONNA BE ATTACKED IF SHE CALLS A GAY MAN FINE. Sturntok leave her the fuck alone. He's hot as fucking and I will kill civilians if I'm not given more nick edits. He's so fine. Literally the hottest triplet.

If u made it here thanks. There was shit on my chest that I really needed to let out. What have we learned today?

Sturntok can suck my fucking dick.

Thanks goodbye.

Me to Sturntok :

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whywoulditho · 2 months

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"the fandom ruined mha" is one of those vastly popular opinions that i've never quite understood. because they honestly...weren't as bad as people made it seem??? i swear people with zero fandom experience will see a thirteen year old in cheap cosplay having fun and say shit like "ew i hate this fandom you're ruining it" like maybe leave the goddamn kid alone??

mha has a very large fan community, and what makes it a little different than most other anime fandoms is that mha was specifically targeted for a global audience. they did their best to avoid any quirks and cliche tropes of anime that would go over non-japanese' heads. the art style is pretty cartoonish and it's got lots of references to western comics. there's a whole ass movie set in the US. what i'm trying to say is that a large, international fandom was always what they were going for, and it was well received. it was one of those shows that you'd kind of had to watch if you wanted to be in anime spaces back in like 2016-2018. mind you this is when even aot wasn't that popular. and when something is so popular, there's gonna be lot of weird people in the fandom. BECAUSE most of them will be people who have never been in fandom spaces before. the "cringy mha fans" that were the butt of every joke in anime discord were more of than not minors having just been introduced to anime or fandom culture as a whole. there were lots of weird stuff, i admit. but was it ever really that serious? like why couldn't yall just leave those people alone??

another thing people just couldn't stop talking about was how there were way too many ships in the fandom but 1) why is that a bad thing? and 2) of course there were gonna be a lot of ships in a show that introduced TWO WHOLE CLASSROOMS OF TEENAGERS AS THE MAIN CAST who interacted all the time. not to mention all the students from other hero schools, upperclassmen, pro heroes & teachers. there are like a million characters in this show and the more characters the more potential ships -it's fucking common sense. i think what really happened there was that people outside of the fandom looked at the fanmade content and thought the fandom must have been obsessed with ships. when in reality i think the fans were really chill about it. most of them were multishippers, they didn’t mind the other pairings. i understand that for an outsider's eye all the ships and disclose must've looked chaotic but in fandom spaces people know how to filter the content they engage with so there really arent any serious "ship wars" going on anywhere except for maybe instagram comments.

i am not saying all the ships were unproblematic, there were some pretty weird ships going on too, but honestly i thought half of them were jokes? or at least crackships? and if you compared the number of fics those kind of pairings have on ao3 to the more family friendly ones you'd see that there really weren't an actual fanbase for any of those weird ass pairings.

i think the core of mha fandom has never been as chaotic as others thought it was. mha fans were interested in the story, the fights & the character development while casually enjoying ships as well. it wasn't that serious until yall started bullying a bunch of kids online. with the rise of tiktok and the boredom the pandemic caused there were a huge amount of amateur content. i'm not saying i've never seen a mha fan being genuinely cringe. i just think the mature response to those posts would have been leaving the poor kids alone.

yesterday i've seen a youtube video about how awful mha fans are and this guy just showed a clip of a bunch of cosplayers outside of what was probably an anime convention dancing to gangnam style and he was going on and on about how annoying they are. and it made me so angry because where the fuck did these anime fan bourgeoisie snobs come from telling people they can't have fun at FUCKING ANIME CONVENTIONS??? i dont know if you've ever been to one but an anime con is basically the only place that's supposed to be safe to do cringe shit like that. everyone goes to those things in cosplay, some better than others. but last i checked everyone was pretty nice to each other, complimenting each other's costumes, asking to take photos. the cosplays don't have to be good, they don't even have to be complete. a convention is the one place you can show up in a wig you bought off ebay and a costume you finished making the night before. i dont know what yall are on but people go to those events to have fun. not to be filmed and made fun of. and from my personal experience having been in fandom spaces since middle school, someone who dances to gangnam style in a cheap todoroki cosplay is an infinitely nicer person than the stuck-up loser who makes a video complaining about it

#long post #fandom #mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #ships #cosplay #i talk

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remix-of-your-guts · 7 months

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i'm gonna be completely honest with yall the ls dunes discourse is so fucking stupid. it's really obvious you are all like sixteen (which i am literally sixteen too so. not inherently a bad thing. but still.) i've waited until shits's died down a little to post this cuz ik ill get hate but i gotta get it off my chest.

i am BEGGING you all to go to a modern art museum or go research performance art pieces or just fucking google fountain by dechamp and PLEASE stop acting like "art" consists entirely of anime-style fanart you see on tiktok. yes this is about the fact that the entire comment section of the posts about the old wounds music video is teenage my chem fans going "ai art isn't real art!!!!! you hate artists!!!!!!!!"

you can not meaningfully define art. art is art if someone says it is. yes that includes ai art you literally sound like the tradwives who whine on twitter about modern/abstract art not being real art. there is no definition of art you can make that excludes AI generated content and includes pieces of undeniable modern art.

now i AGREE that there are some ethical issues with ai art. mainly that the content gathering methods for most generators are iffy. HOWEVER this relies on the assumption that intellectual property is a thing that exists and is important to protect. in an ideal world it shouldn't exist and copyright laws will almost always do more harm than good. however under capitalism there is unfortunately some practical value in protecting the rights to artists' works.

"but xander it's stealing jobs from real artists!!!!!!"

okay. here's the thing. it is true that ai has the potential to reduce the ability of artists to make a living off their art. just like photography took jobs from painters and automation took jobs from factory workers and tractors took jobs from farmers. the issue there is capitalism, NOT individual people not wanting to buy commissions from you.

⚠️side tangent warning⚠️

there's this hugely widespread attitude in young visual artist communities on the internet that you're entitled to attention and commissions and i'm sorry to be mean but you're just. not. i'm sorry but you literally are not that's not how the world works. you ARE allowed to be frustrated that your art doesn't get attention or that no one buys commissions from you. that is a totally valid feeling that i get as well!!!!! i know deeply the pain of posting a piece you're super proud of and spent hours and hours on and getting like three notes! that's a completely valid frustration! but truthfully you do not have the right to guilt trip people for not wanting to reblog your art for whatever reason.

"but how can they expect me to keep making content for free for them if they don't reblog it??!!" then stop making content for them. if they didn't reblog your art then i'm sorry to be mean but they probably will not be bothered if they don't see any art from you again. if people see art that they want on their blog or they think is worth sharing for whatever reason, they will reblog it. there will always be hundred of creators getting loads of praise for there art who will keep making it. and if they scroll past it then it just didn't speak to them like that. begging and pleading and guilt-tripping people to give you attention will not change that. and there will always be many more artists who do not find success on the internet, for whatever reason. it doesn't mean your art is bad though!! art should have intrinsic value to you and if it doesn't then maybe it's not the path for you. if you don't have the internal motivation to keep making art without the attention you're not getting, then stop spending so much time making art. i went through it, i get it. i know the frustration of not feeling appreciated. you know what i did? i stopped posting most of my art. and i stopped caring about notes when i did. i make art because i love it and i can be proud of my art without external validation.

and i promise you that every artist in history knows the pain of not being able to make money off your work. unfortunately under capitalism that's just how art is. it is usually not profitable. the reason you're not getting commissions isn't because the world is full of lazy entitled people who hate artists and would rather use ai than support you, it's because commissions are not something it is reasonable to expect to make much money off of. i hate to speak in capitalist terms but it's not a desired product. most people don't walk around having images in their brain that they want to exist that theyre can't make themself that they're willing to pay people fifty bucks to draw. most people are happy imagining their ocs in their mind or using pictures for their profile pictures.

and most adult, professional, non-terminally-online artists will tell you that unfortunately art has never been profitable for the majority of people. that they don't have much of a problem with AI because they either don't make money off their art already or know that people will keep wanting to buy their paintings or whatever if they want to buy their paintings. that humans will always appreciate human-made art and ai is more of a novelty than something that's going to ruin the lives of all artists and take away opportunities that they never really had. that the ai-animated shows netflix is experimenting with are simply shows that wouldn't exist if netflix didn't have a cheap way to make them, not lost potential jobs for "real artists."

and i do think there's a genuine issue with the way you guys are guilt-tripping every person who scrolls past your art that's going to seriously fuck up anyone with ocd who maybe just doesn't like your art very much!!!!!!! and i think there's something gross about the way you guys are talking about artists as if we're some oppressed minority that's under a wave of hatred and bigoted attacks. as if every single human being isn't an artist in some way. as if there's some targeted hate campaign directed at the tiktok cartoonists who are the only people you think of when you hear the word "artist." and don't get me wrong i think art is more important than anything. i think it's what makes us human. it's everything to me it's my entire life. but i also think you guys have developed a really juvenile attitude about it.

⚠️end of side tangent⚠️

do i think it would have been better if dunes paid a traditional animator to make the old wounds music video? yeah of course. and their bullshit justification about art being meant to make people mad so they're doing something right or whatever is fucking stupid and makes me cringe. but i don't think they've committed the grave unforgivable sin you guys are acting like it is.

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holymolyineedtherapy · 4 months

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YALL READY FOR MY END OF THE YEAR TIER LIST FOR THE TOP 5 HYPERFIXATIONS I HAD THIS YEAR??? LETS GOOOOOO

Honorary Mentions

Taylor Swift

Jujutsu Kaisen

Frieren

Demon Slayer

5: FNaF

We got a lot of fnaf content this year and I was obsessed with it. So obsessed, that I was to invested in consuming this content that I hardly ever posted about it.

I love this franchise so much. I've been invested in the lore, games, books, and YouTube videos since it came out. I love everything about this franchise.

4: One Piece

As a long time One Piece fan, I gotta say my burn out for this anime was coming. Then I heard about the Netflix adaptation and that they were crunching the entire East Blue Arcs into 8 episodes... I was scared.

Then I watched it and it reignited my fire for this. I even started rewatching the anime so I knew what was next to come. Not only that, but my sister got into the show cause of the live action and we're watching it together.

Not only that, but we also got to the end of the Wano Arc! One Piece's longest arc yet and I loved every second of it. They really turned up everything for this arc and I am here for it.

WE ALSO GOT THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE REMAKE ANIME BY WIT STUDIOS!! I am so hyped for this. To see the story be told with better pacing, less filler, and maybe they can make Skypia bearable to watch /j.

3: Fionna and Cake

I was so ready for this show. When I learned about it I was so confused. Like, yall are making a spin off about filler episodes??

I always loved Fionna and Cake so I wasn't upset but confused. Then I watched it and fell in love. Seeing all the characters and where they are now after the almost end of the world and then falling in love with the new characters.

Everything about this show was amazing to me and i cannot wait for season 2.

2: Heartstopper

Those who know me know that I am obsessed with Heartstopper and the Osemanverse as a whole. These characters are so amazing to me and I love all of them so much.

We got season 2 of Heartstopper out on Netflix and we also got the release of volume 5! Season 3 completed its filming and we got to see the actor playing Michael Holden! Heartstopper fans have been feasting this year.

Nick and Charlie are some of my favorite characters of all time and I cannot wait to see where this goes in the future.

1: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Let's be honest, if you didn't expect this to be number one then you don't know me lol. Tmnt is the whole reason I started this blog so I could freely blab about my hyperfixations without fear.

And the tmnt community has been fed this year with content. Not only did we get the new tmnt movie (WHICH WAS INCREDIBLE AND AMAZING AND I LOVED IT SM) but we also have some of the best aus and fanfictions out there in my opinion. Tmnt has taken over tumblr for the past couple years and it's been crazy. So, I would like to share my favorite aus and fanfictions of tmnt from the past year

Cass Apocalyptic Series by @somerandomdudelmao

Celestial AU by @ashwii

Like Father Like Son by @eternalglitch

EW AU and Feral!Leo AU by @cupcakeslushie

These are a very limited few of the tmnt fanfics and aus out there. I gave myself a cut off of five and these were the first ones that came to mind otherwise I would sit here all day listing off aus and fanfics.

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #heartstopper #osemanverse #alice oseman #fionna and cake #adventure time #one piece #op #one piece live action #opla #fnaf #five nights at freddys #fnaf movie #five nights at freddys movie

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antis-hell · 7 months

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Hi! This is B from mycringethoughtsandcreations! It’s not my main blog so I don’t have the ability to ask questions from it, but I saw your reblog on my post and I’m so happy that you’re willing to talk about your experiences!

So my question is basically what is the correct way to validate a system? To tell them you’ll support them and all their alters? As a singular/singlet I don’t really understand the viewpoints of systems, and thus don’t know what is the best way to approach or talk to systems.

And if you could give some information on common system terminology that would be great!

Hey! Happy yall took up our offer:] any chance to talk about ourselves and we're all over it lmao/hj

The best way to validate a system really depends on the person (that's such a shit answer, but yeah;-;) For us, it's really just treating us like a normal person in one on one casual conversation, this is mostly cus we switch at pretty random times so to introduce yourself every hour can get a bit annoying, so we'd rather you just treat us like one(ish) person to save us the trouble.

In a more public space, like tumblr, we don't mind being treated as separate people (for example, asking, "Hey [Alter xyz], what's your favourite movie?" Becasue to us it shows you find us interesting rather than the whole bunch of us (think of it like asking one of your friends a question rather than your whole friend group at once, it shows you want to know that person on a more personal level) and tbh that also really makes our npd go brrrr/pos/lh

Although again as annoying as it is, not all systems are gonna be like this. Really, the best and quickest way is to ask! Most people in the community are more than willing to talk to singlets about how they prefer to be treated, so dont worry too much about negative responses:] or just follow their boundaries if they have those publicly posted that's also just the simplest way to support support anyone system or not

And for system terms I can do a few rapid fire ones I cam remember off the top of my head:] if there's any specific ones you'd like to know feel free to ask and I can tell ya what I know or what I can find about it:] (I'll put these under the cut because this post is already getting long god damm)

Introject: an alter that is based off an external thing like a character from a TV show or a song:] and also sometimes just physical objects in everyday life (we for example have an introject of a teddy bear we had as a child)

Fictive/Factive/Songtive: a more specific term for the type of media an introject is from, if it is fictional media like a TV character, they are a fictive. If they are sourced from a real person like an actor or youtuber, they are a factive. And if they are sourced from a song, like an alter that embodies teenagers by mcr (it's the first song that came to my head lol) or has memories of some of the things described in the song they can be considered a songtive

Singlet: a common one:] the medical term for anyone who dosent have DID or OSDD

Persecutor: a kind of role an alter in a system might have, I chose to do this one out of all kinds of roles since I've seen it be the most questioned/asked about, a persecutor is an alter that harms the body in some way, this may be by cutting off close friends or by physically harming the body in some way, this is mostly because they believe it is the right thing to do (for example cutting off friends because they think everyone will hurt them eventually) typically they are also hold trauma to some extent

Blurry: used mostly to describe a system that doesn't know who's fronting at the time. This might be because of heavy dissociation, or it could be because there are too many people in font to recognise every alter (there are other reasons, i think, but this is what happens most of the time)

This is all I could really think of at the moment;-; if there's anything else you want me to talk about, feel free to send another ask, and we'll be happy to help:] I apologise for any spelling/grammar mistakes we wrote this in a very hazy state so there might be some spelling errors

#anti💚🗡#did #i was like half asleep when writing this so im so sorry if this makes no sense lol #ty for the ask tho:]

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something-about-sunflowers · 1 year

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I'm gonna block the op before I post this cause I don't wanna start any drama but, that one person in the steddyhands/adjacent tags with their 'List of things I promised not to do in OFMD fic/What I look for/want when reading/writing OFMD fic' post. Don't. . . Do that. You can preface with 'you can write your fic how you want' all you like but if you add a caveat of 'be aware of "the trends"' it comes across as condescending, demanding, and judgemental. Leave alone that you are not the arbiter of all things allowed in fandom/fic. Nobody needs your permission to 'do as they will' so to speak.

Anyway I'm gonna go through and pick out their 'issues' that annoyed me the most and talk about why. Read-more cause I know I tend to forget to do that when I'm writing essays/meta/etc and, seeing as they did too and it was a beast of a post I don't want to be that annoying on yall's dash.

'Is it funny'

Not everything needs to fit to your standards and not everyone wants to write a comedy.

'The Act of Grace needs consequences'

The AoG did not necessitate becoming pirate hunters. I think this may come from some confusion around Benjamin Hornigold? (If its not that then I genuinely have no idea where this idea came from tbh?) All it necessitated was becoming a privateer, essentially a legal pirate, one who only attacks enemies of the Crown. Which, yes, can include pirates, but moreso meant, like, the Spanish (navy/merchants/etc, remember: they're at war).

Hornigold is a bit of a weird one in that he was already kind of doing that when he was a regular pirate? He, historically, avoided attacking English ships, and eventually turned pirate hunter later on.

Its completely reasonable to assume that, in a time when the Crown was coming down hard on piracy, there would be some who would sign the Act when caught and then renege as soon as. You could obviously only use this tactic once but its a good 'get out of jail "free"' card if you're in a bind. That doesn't reflect on Blackbeard (or Stede/Izzy), especially not when he's pretty immediately back on the seas and obviously not working for the Crown.

That isn't to say there won't be consequences in the form of the Crown being pissed at losing Blackbeard though, I've got my fingers crossed for a third Badminton after all, but in my opinion its doubtful there'll be any consequences from the greater pirating community.

'No co-dependency (. . .) written about positively'

Fan fic is not your therapist. We already understand that these characters are flawed and that their relationships are unhealthy, even at the best of times. People shouldn't need to write their characters like they're trying to get an A in therapy, nor should they have to add disclaimers in the text (or author's notes) that 'this is unhealthy and bad'. If you can't separate the idea of these fictional characters and their relationships from reality enough to understand that, because the author doesn't hold your hand to tell you 'this is not a good thing' then you shouldn't be engaging with the fic nor the source material, to be entirely honest.

'[Izzy] doesn't need to blush and "make out like teenagers" for every story'

The back button is free. Not everyone wants an emotional deep dive into the psyche of these characters, some people just want to watch these sad old men make out and be horny.

'The [Revenge] crew should be careful about being visibly queer when they're at port'

Not everyone wants to deal with the idea of systemic/societal homophobia in their fic. Fan fiction can be a way to explore these ideas in a safe and cathartic way but it doesn't have to be and some people are more comfortable by excluding the concept altogether. I live in the damn bible-belt, I worry about it enough in my real life, I shouldn't have to read it in fic if I don't want to and I shouldn't be made to write it for the sake of 'realism' either. Let people have their escapism if they so choose.

'Use protection and lube-'

Fan fic is not sex-ed. Nobody has to worry about sti/std/pregnancy if they don't want to. Plus, its not exactly super realistic for them to have either just immediately on hand? Obviously you don't have to deal with realism if you don't want to and if you prefer for your own sake they have access to them then by all means but, while they existed, condoms weren't exactly a common item in the 1700s. Mostly available to the middle and upper classes and very likely extremely difficult to find at sea. They're pirates. They're not exactly known for being 'safe' in any sense of the word. Look up why the real Blackbeard blockaded Charleston sometime. Syphilis isn't fun. But this is fic and Syphilis doesn't have to be an issue if you don't want it to be!

And while I'm fond of the 'convenient vial of oil' its not as if the lube-less/spit-as-lube buggery is going to actually hurt anyone. Like I said: fan fic is not sex-ed.

'-Make sure nobody can hear them'

Lucius was fully sucking Pete's dick in the galley with Wee John sleeping right there. Maybe the only members of the crew with an ounce of shame are Jim, Olu, and Izzy; at the same time though? Nobody is gonna care. Lucius may tease (Izzy at least, Jim might actually kill him) but that's literally the worst that could happen. Ships being not soundproof is kind of the reason why they can't ‘make sure nobody can hear them’ and why they might not bother beyond 'not being directly in front of them' and even then, as with Lucius and Pete (and Fang), they don't really care one way or the other.

'F/F [is] often (. . .) kissing and fucking'

Yeah. This is the Horny Pirate show. People are gonna be horny about the pirates, whether they're old men or old women. People are allowed to be just horny about it. If you want more plot driven F/F then that's a you problem and you can be the change you want to see in the world. And don't come to me with any 'oh its fetishistic' BS either, it doesn't fucking matter so long as they're not reducing real human beings to their sex lives, people can do whatever the fuck they want with fictional characters.

'Izzy needs to learn to be his own person if he wants to heal'

I agree with this point. I still find it annoying because nobody has to go over all of that. Nobody has to even let Izzy heal. Some people just like angst! Not everything has to be hurt/comfort or a happy ending!

'If Izzy falls for Stede or realizes his feelings for Ed, wait on the confession'

Some people just want to get to 'the good part'. Not everybody is looking to write a character study and sometimes you just want to get to the romance.

'They're big adult men, casually lifting/carrying each other is unrealistic'

Doesn't have to be realistic, but, they're also sailors. They're used to manual work/physical labor. Sure they're all older but your muscles don't just immediately atrophy just because you're old, not if you're using them. But again, it doesn't have to be realistic! Its fan fic! Of a fairly unrealistic show at that! Selective (or no) realism is perfectly fine!

'Calico Jack's addictions'

Alcoholism is a really heavy subject and nobody should have to touch on it if they don't want to. People should be able to write about Jack without worrying about navigating such a heavy topic if they so choose.

'tag your dubious consent (. . .) correctly'

This is the one point I will fully agree with and endorse. The fandom as a whole needs to get better at identifying (and differentiating, they're mutually exclusive terms and have different meanings) non-con/dub-con in general. Only caveat here is you specified 'regarding Calico Jack/Izzy Hands' when its not a ship specific issue but a fandom wide one.

There's probably points I disagreed with that I skipped over and hell, there's points that I do agree with that I skipped over, but ultimately my issue is this: Unless there is actual harm being done, this type of post is unnecessary. There is not and should not be one 'correct' way to write fic. I understand that you gave a caveat of 'you don't have to do it this way' but if you're going to outline all the things you think people are doing 'wrong' then go on to say 'but that's just my opinion' it doesn't change the fact that its a shitty thing to do unasked regardless. 'Most of these don't immediately make a story bad' is incredibly rude to say.

There is nothing inherently wrong with 'fandom wide habits' if they're not actually causing harm. People infantilizing Ed (and the rest of the BIPOC cast/characters, if we're being entirely honest) is a fandom wide habit that can actually cause harm. People moralizing over Izzy is a fandom wide habit that causes harm. People not properly tagging their fic can cause harm. People writing fan fic that isn't to your exact tastes, regardless of how much of it there is, is not causing harm.

Nobody needs or wants someone playacting at being CinemaSins calling them out for using 'overused' tropes. If you're doing it for yourself that's fine but keep it to yourself and don't try and hold the entire rest of the fandom to your standards. Its fucking rude.

#the dork is being a dork #izzy hands #stede bonnet #edward teach #i legit just ignored this post the first time i saw it #scrolling thru the izzy tag thinking 'hm thats kind of annoying' but moving on #but i came across it a second time and like #idk realized why it was annoying me?#its like #almost entitled?#like everybody has things they don't like about how the fandom at large treats something or other #but its incredibly entitled to act as if your opinion is the only correct one and to 'warn' people away from using tropes you don't like #its on the same level as un-asked for criticism imo #if you don't like how/what some people write that's fine #but don't tag the whole damn fandom to complain about it #i have a lot of hate in my heart for how some people who don't like izzy write izzy but unless they're actively shoving it in my face?#i'm gonna leave it alone/complain in private

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thelies-thelies-thelies · 6 months

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🗣️ SHOW US THE MONEY PT. 1 - Still Lying

If Curry will BLATANTLY lie about receiving a grant from @transjusticefb what else have they lied about surrounding money?

Curry has been demanding community pay them reparations for over 2yrs now. But after being “ran out of Portland” and being without a stable home with their husband Sir Cole, they have been crowd sourcing since March. Prior to March of 2023, Curry has been crowdsourcing since 2020 off and on. Their goals have been anywhere from $2,500 - $5,000. They have demanded funds for weed(“autism regulation”), groceries and toiletries several times . They have made their goal each time whether due to multiple donations, one large donation or someone offering their home (such as @magaela, a professor & single mother of 3 teenage boys did over the summer for 2 months - Curry’s gratitude was nonexistent).

They have SEVERAL fundraising links across them and their partners many IG pages(Curry has at least 7 IG pages). They have a primary crowdsource fund via GoFundMe that started as a “Back To Africa” fund in late 2022. Curry wants you to believe GoFundMe is their sole source of donations when they are constantly urging folxs to donate directly to their cashapp, venmo etc.

The patterns goes as follows:

Step 1 - They wait till the “last minute” to announce they have x amount of days before they are on the streets/homeless (usually 7 days or less with a countdown).

Step 2 - Cries their soul into the camera, vulnerable and exposed

Step 3 - Comes back onto the camera after a plethora of donations less emotional and letting us know they’ll update us soon

Step 4 - They announce they’ve reached their goal and their so grateful for those who supported; tears will depend on how close of a call it was till the final donation

Step 5 - They’re back to screaming at ALL of you, calling you names, misgendering folxs, demanding more money cause equity, toiletries, weed, groceries (even though they get $500 a month in food stamps - to them that’s malnourishment - when most don’t even have that! Again no gratitude for what the ancestors provide; just constantly taking).

Curry will tell you they are PHYSICALLY incapable of lying while name dropping others to deflect from holding themselves accountable. They have thrown these individuals under the bus multiple times, misgendered them, called them sex traffickers, tried to have they fired from their jobs and more. Curry will strategically block ppl and then say all kinds of wild things that they know these ppl will never see. And they have a right to know 🤷🏾‍♂️ @Sladkiysova @Misterfelder @praxispapii @ebonyoldham @dashaunlh

DO NOT SEND ANOTHER $1 THEIR WAY! I encourage you to find mutual aid posts of black queer trans folxs, that have been circulating ALL year with NO donations, who are in DIRE need of help instead of supporting a mean spirited 40yr old who LITERALLY REFUSES TO WORK AND HAS CONVINCED YALL THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF WORKING!

#bespokecurry #mutual aid #queer community #community help #liar #fraud #lgbtqia #black and queer #homophobic #transphobic #transmisogynoir #transmissia #social justice #accountability #king curry #terf #amberileenecurry #disabled #autisim

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cxyotl · 2 years

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i think what a lot of folks don’t understand about dream gettin canceled literally every other month for being a republican in the past or saying shitty things as a kid is that it’s entirely a result of the situation of “can’t save the south”.

i hear yall when you rebuttal the argument of “everyone said racist/homophobic things as teens”. and youre right. some of us were victims of the folks who were like that as teenagers. i know i sure as hell was. but you also can’t go ahead and think that just because a person was like that in the past, they should be boycotted in the present.

dream is a queer person living in the south. i have plenty of friends and family who were homophobic/transphobic as kids who ended up actually being queer. internized homophobia is not rocket science and it aint some brand new thing. it aint even a solely southern thing, but its damn well common.

dream’s managed to create a community online that is supportive and progressive despite his past beliefs. that should not be brushed aside. it should be celebrated. he’s changed, he constantly is. thats a good thing, and believe it or not its an inspiring thing to see as a queer and latine southerner.

that being said, dont go around using my post or what i say here to harass black, indigenous, queer, or hispanic/latine folks that dont forgive dream. its perfectly acceptable to be unable to trust or forgive a guy you know used to support ideologies that were directly harmful to you. what isn’t acceptable is using his past actions to define him as a person now.

#dreamwastaken #discourse #dream stans #cancel culture #racism mention #homophobia mention #transphobia mention #xenophobia mention

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defying-gravityfalls · 2 years

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Here we are, 10 years later

Hey folks. It's been a while. I really wanted to have something to post in time for the anniversary but I've gotten held up and was unable to make anything in time for the date. We are however on 618 today! So I'll take what I can get lol.

You may have noticed this account has been pretty barren the last couple years, and it's not hard to guess that is because I had moved on, I have fallen into other hyperfixations, and I'm also an adult now with more responsibilities than I had when I was running this account as a teenager. I almost have some sort of guilt from leaving this behind and even wonder if anyone still cares about what's on here, which is part of the reason I haven't posted much. But I'm feeling nostalgic and I want to talk about Gravity Falls and this is the perfect place to do it! So I thought I'd give you all an update on what I have going on and how I've circled back here.

Let me just start off by saying I'm sorry for falling through on a giveaway I had promised right before I had left this account, I still feel bad about it, I was at a real low point in life and should have never promised something I felt I could not follow through on. I didn't know what else to do except run away from it. But I'm better now, and to anyone who is still upset at me over this I encourage you to contact me for a free commission of your choice, because I'm actually serious about art now! (Seriously you have no idea how bad I feel about this I am so so sorry yall)

I have had one major hyperfixation since my GF one faded, and that would be Hatchetfield. I guess I'm just drawn to small towns where weird things happen! In the same way GF changed my life, Hatchetfield also has, I would not be where I am today without either of them. And if you also like Hatchetfield I have side account if you wanna check it out! This is definitely where I'm most active these days. I actually have a fic for it with a premise which many times has been compared to Bipper, and yes I do think that is an accurate callout lol

I've also gotten into The Owl House quite a bit lately, I wasn't too into it when it first started airing like I was with GF but once season 2 hit I started watching pretty regularly, and I'm sure many of you also watch it because of Dana. I'm definitely not as into it as I was with GF but I'm having a good time! A thing doesn't have to take over my life to be good lol.

On a personal note I have moved back to Minnesota! I'm currently a waitress trying to save up enough money for an apartment, I haven't finished college yet but now instead of animation/writing I'm hoping to get/finish my degree in theatre with a focus on costuming and SFX makeup. While I still love animation and could see it as something I would like to be a part of, theatre just seems more realistic to me at this point, and I like it and am already kinda good at it! I've always done theatre, this makes sense for me.

Back to why I came here. With all the hype recently leading up to the 10th anniversary I have been missing Gravity Falls, and I have been missing the community, and I want to get involved again. I don't think I ever truly left Gravity Falls behind, it stayed with me one way or the other, having this presence in my life I couldn't deny, and I think I want to come back home to it. My life has changed a lot the past 10 years, i wanna look back on something that made me so happy.

So I'm gonna try to be more active on this blog! I'm gonna start a long overdue rewatch on the series and maybe liveblog some parts of it. I think that's a good starting point. I'm happy to be back, and I hope I maybe still have friends here after being absent for a few years, and I'm willing to make new ones too. Thank you everybody, for everything. Stay weird.

#sorry this is long and a bit of tangent this is a long overdue post dsvdfbgfb #i love yall if you are still here after all these years thank you <3

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rosysugarr · 2 years

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So, I've been thinking about how I'm gonna handle myself in dsmp fandom from now on and stuff, and I think talking about it more instead of avoiding this might make the anxiety stomach ache go away finally. So. Here we go.

I have never been a big dteam follower in the first place. Yall already know that. I don't think much is going to change for now, depending on how things play out from here? But for right now, not much is gonna change other than like. I'm gonna be avoiding cdream stuff, which fucking sucks because he's such a good villain (can we ban gross people from having talent please.)

I'm primarily a Ranboo enjoyer, along with Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur, so nothing regarding my posting habits about them will change unless one of them does or says something stupid about this issue. I'm going to be deciding how I respond to what happens going forward quietly and not making big declarations about it because I just don't want to argue about this particular issue with randos.

Basically, I guess what I'm saying here is that I'm taking how I respond to this a day at a time and deciding how I handle it based on how things unfold going forward, rather than taking any kind of hard stance from the outset.

Like. Okay, full disclosure, and tw for discussion of online csa, but. This whole thing is incredibly complicated and sensitive for me because I was myself a victim of an older man in a community I was in taking advantage of me online when I was a teenager. But it's hard and complicated because, like... while this is only one creator out of a whole community, he's entwined himself so hard into everything that it's difficult to separate him from it, and my autistic hyperfixated brain is terrified by the thought of how things could change going forward or what this could mean for the community I've dedicated the past two years of my life to. And yes, it is much more important that this be handled appropriately and that justice is served, obviously-- all I'm saying here is that I can't help but feel incredibly anxious about what had been my source of comfort suddenly becoming a trigger or just... falling apart before it can conclude properly.

I don't want to discuss the issue itself directly because it's incredibly upsetting for me, and I hope yall understand. It isn't that I'm ignoring it, I promise, or that I don't care, but I have to look after myself and mind my own limits as someone who is also a victim of something like this and who has been feeling physically sick watching it unfold.

I might blacklist some terms on tumblr for a bit. Again, please understand that my not talking about current events isn't because I don't care, but it's a measure to protect myself and my own mental health, which is shaky at best lately anyway.

I love yall. I love the people I've met in this community, I love the story and characters and... most of the ccs still. I may zero in on certain ones for a bit, even more than usual, or I might just spend a whole lot of time away from tumblr in general for a while, because every time I check my dash currently my heart starts racing and my stomach hurts.

I'm sorry I can't come in with my usual fire about this one. I just don't have it in me. I'm tired of constantly feeling sick to my stomach and being unable to feel happy because I'm constantly anxious. I've gotta take care of myself, and making myself sick keeping track of each new development as it happens isn't helping anyone in the first place.

This got longer than I wanted it to. Sorry about that. Anyway, yall take care, and if you need me, feel free to @ me anytime or DM me. If you wanna, you can also DM me for my discord, which I'm on all the time. You guys are the best, and I hope you're taking care of yourselves as well through all this.

#rosychatter #discourse tw #csa mention #ask to tag

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tarobytez · 3 years

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disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant.

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist.

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is.

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”.

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me.

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.

Oh fucking boy.

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully.

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled.

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability.

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community.

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged.

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people.

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted.

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows.

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

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alienaiver · 2 years

Text

Chapter II: On dubious foods and fireworks

Chapter summary: Successful in your mission to claim Shinsou as an important part of your life, your friendship flourishes. The flow of the waves consumes you both as you learn to navigate the compass of feelings.

warnings for this chapter: there’s a panic attack described in this chapter, it starts at the paragraph, “He tells you of his experiences…” and it’s done by the paragraph, “After he’s successfully breathed slowly for a few minutes..”, don’t hesitate to let me know if i’ve missed anything else!

wordcount: 12.3k words

chapter content: fluff, mild angst, gender neutral reader, best friends pining, one-sided pining (theyre both DORKS it is so mutual it hurts), typical teenage insecurities, shitty communication, humor and friendly bickering between friends, CANON DIVERGENT FROM THIS POINT basically, second year at u.a!, reader gives shinsou a semi-expensive gift and says their parents helped fund it - can be read as a lie to make shinsou accept, though! notes: OH BOY. this chapter is BIG ONE! i really hope you like it, AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YALLS SUPPORT ON CHAPTER 1<3333 im so overwhelmed by the love! again, the next and final chapter will be posted next sunday and all i can promise is that the wordcount is even higher for ch3 IEFHSJFS ilysm<3

quick note for anime only readers: this story has become canon DIVERGENT from the school festival and on and therefor anything that happens in this chapter (and forth) doesn’t align with what is currently going on, will happen or have happened in the manga past that point! it is simply me coming up with an alternate continuation so you will not get spoiled if you’ve only caught up in the anime<3 mwuah, happy reading!

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Shinsou’s heart is beating faster than he thinks is healthy, clenching the strap of his backpack to the point where it’d definitely leave a permanent crease. This is good, really good. He tries to take another breath to steel himself but ultimately ends up choking on air – great, and of course today of all days. So here he’s standing, in the hallway of his high school, choking on air. He feels the weight of a hand on his shoulder and looks to his left. His teacher and mentor, Aizawa stands with a smile on his face, “it’s going to be okay.” He looks back at the door, had he really been standing here for so long?

Shinsou clears his throat one last time before he takes his first step into his new class, Hero Department’s Class 2-A. On the other side of the threshold you stand with barely contained excitement. Homeroom’s about to start and behind you the whole class is waiting as well. The second he’s in the classroom it starts ringing with cheers and it seems like Yaoyorozu has produced confetti for the occasion, ultimately overwhelming Shinsou on the spot from the sheer excitement of his classmates. They’re not just friends anymore but classmates and if he later denies there were tears in his eyes, you don’t dispute him. His seat is between Kaminari and Tokoyami and after he’s settled down he looks anxiously around the classroom, searching for you – as if he wouldn’t be able to really calm down unless he spots you in the same classroom as him. You send him a wave and your dumb finger guns with a wink before Aizawa starts the class.

Outside, the cherry blossom trees are doing their work at being pink and beautiful and while eating your lunch outside in spring looks very pleasing it ends up very annoying and very good at interrupting every conversation Shinsou tries to have with his best friend because said best friend is too busy laughing and joking about them landing in the food. You’d asked Lunch Rush to make Yakisoba Noodles like they serve them at festivals after Shinsou had confessed he’d never tried traditional festival dishes. The outrage you’d felt surprised Shinsou who simply admitted that going to festivals hadn’t really been his home’s thing and you promise to bring him to one in the summer. “Aizawa came up to me after homeroom,” you tell him between bites and he waits for your continuation, “thanked me for supporting you in reaching your goal and uh. If I’d want to help you study in the beginning as you get used to the extra period and stuff.” You slurp up some noodles and Shinsou smiles, “I don’t mean to dunk on you but you’re not even like… one of the smartest people in the class.” And the kick he receives underneath the table doesn’t surprise him. He's about to ask if you’d want to plan those… study dates? You probably wouldn’t call them dates, he thinks when suddenly Kaminari throws his arms around him from behind, “yer eating lunch without me? That’s so rude!”

You offer him noodles since you both have them an abundance, Lunch Rush giving Shinsou two extra thumbs-ups upon giving him his food, obviously letting him celebrate his transfer to the Hero Course. Before Kaminari’s really settled and part of the conversation more classmates come running, invading the table you’d sat on. You look excited and Shinsou feels excited because he’s a part of this now, he’s not just an outsider looking in. While joining the Hero Department has been his ultimate goal, he can’t deny the giddiness he feels upon sharing classes with you. He rests his head in his palm and gives himself a few seconds to just stare at your face before he joins in on the conversation.

Well fuck.

Shinsou lets his hands run down his face, dragging his cheeks with him as he groans. Granted, he hadn’t ever been in love before and hadn’t had many friends so he could be entirely off base but… the feeling that’d rushed through him when you’d told him that he was your hero? That couldn’t be good for anyone’s heart to hear. He turns around in the bed a few times, trying to let the restlessness leave his body but to no avail so he jumps up from the bed, walking in circles. It’s fine, he didn’t have a crush on you. Did he? He couldn’t have! You were his best friend! He feels giddy and even through the sheer panic, can’t stop himself from laughing out loud at the absurdness of it all. While he fears the emotions he might be feeling right now, he can’t deny the absolute happiness that’s now emerging from being referred to as ‘your hero’, romantic feelings or not. He hides his face in his hands, willing the blush to disappear. If he’d had trouble sleeping before calling you, he’ll struggle even more now. When his phone lights up in the dark room he instantly goes to grab it. You’ve sent him a snap. He opens it with shaky hands, almost afraid he’d accidentally press on the screen again and miss the message. It’s a picture of your room that is otherwise dark besides the string lights you’ve adorned the windows with, the text asking him if he’s sure he’s okay.

He sucks in a breath as the snap time runs out, knowing he has to reply now that you can see he’s opened it. Taking a picture of his equally dark room with no string lights, he shakily writes out a yeah sorry, I just think I can finally sleep. He feels bad for lying to you, he really does as he realizes this may be one of the very first times he’s done it.

He panics and shuffles through your interactions from you met until now and can’t come up with any lies and his heartrate spikes, friends don’t lie, right? He realizes he’s spiraling again, like you’d told him on the phone, but for an entirely different reason now. He lets himself fall back on the mattress, controlling his breathing like you usually make him do. “it’s fine, there’s literally no problem. You don’t have to date the person you’re crushing on – you’re probably just confusing your feelings. Crushes disappear, it’s probably hormones! Yep, definitely hormones.”

He isn’t sure who he’s trying to convince because it definitely doesn’t work on himself, not at all. He checks his phone again; you’ve opened the snap three minutes ago but haven’t replied and a lovesick smile plays on his features before he can fully register that he’s doing it. You’re making sure not to disturb his fragile sleep so you leave him be and that’s just really on brand for you – always taking care of him somehow. A sigh leaves him – one that suspiciously sounds like something coming from a Disney princess in love but he decides not to dwell on it, he’d probably just spiral again. He puts his phone on the nightstand and turns around to face the wall. It's okay, he thinks. Forcing his eyes shut he wraps his blanket around him and does yet another breathing exercise you’ve once taught him.

Shinsou’s spent the winter getting used to his… new-found feelings, for you. Training himself to not blush and stammer, cursing himself for not being able to use his quirk on himself. The first week after his realization, you’d been convinced he was sick and kept trying to send him to the infirmary – he’d even obliged one time to make you stop fretting and touching his forehead, which had ended in a very humiliating conversation with Recovery Girl after you’d left for class and she’d ultimately become the first one to know about his feelings.

So now that he’s starting his new life in the 2-A’s dorm, he’s determined to make the most of it. He’s trying on different shirts for tonight, unsure what to go with. When classes were finished for the day, half of his classmates had faked tiredness, putting on a variety of convincing and not-so-convincing behaviors, telling him they’d stay in their rooms for the rest of the day and the common area should stay empty and quiet. In a not-so-subtle way Bakugou had told him to stay the fuck away from the common area and kitchen, making several of them groan out loud and chastise him. You, however, you’d been the worst at keeping the secret, spilling it before he was even aware there was a secret to tell.

“Act surprised when you come to dinner tomorrow! They’re throwing you a welcome party!”

They way you’d said it made it sound like you wanted him to believe that the others were the ones arranging this but Shinsou wasn’t blind to the fact that you’d probably come up with the whole idea. There’s a knock on his door and since he’s convinced that it’s you when he opens, he’s surprised when it’s Kaminari, “that’s really not a happy look bro, is it that disappointing to see me instead?” Shinsou sends him a confused look to which Kaminari groans in mock irritation and says your name.

“Dude, you’re very obvious, holy fuck.” Kaminari states as he shuts Shinsou’s door behind him and ignores the way Shinsou’s world crumbles – did everyone know? Did he need to do damage control? Did you know? “I figured you had a crisis with shirts though,” he smirks knowingly upon seeing the shirts on the floor strewn around the mirror, Shinsou feels a blush reach his ears but also narrows his eyes at his lightning friend, “how do you just… know that?”

Kaminari winks at him, “a gentleman never reveals his secrets!” He then proceeds to pick up the shirts from the floor, muttering disapprovingly to some of them and raising the ones he might accept a little higher. Shinsou can’t help but raise a very suspicious eyebrow at his friend but also can’t deny that the help isn’t entirely unwelcome – no matter how… weird, the circumstance is. So, he swallows his pride and walks over to Kaminari whose upper body is currently inside Shinsou’s closet, searching through his clothes.

“Is it true that I’m… obvious?” he asks, holding his hands in front of him, playing with them. Kaminari snorts from inside the closet before coming out with a dress shirt Shinsou had forgot he even owned, “dude, I love you and I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but yeah you are.” Shinsou clicks his tongue and looks at the floor, “how many… knows?” he fights out through his teeth, frustration evident in both his voice and face. Kaminari puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder and Shinsou feels himself calm down just a little bit just from the gesture alone, “they don’t know, if you’re worried about that,” Kaminari smiles before pulling out a shirt with the left hand that had still been inside the closet, “but I think you’d woo them if you wore this!”

Shinsou can’t help but groan, turning around with his arms raised, “I’m never asking for your help again!”

It’s a shirt he owns that has way more affectional value than anything else and he’s only keeping it because it was the going-away gift he got from the two younger kids at the foster home – they’d carefully picked it out in purple for him and wrapped it in the newspapers from prior weeks. They’d been so excited and jittery and sad and every other feeling Shinsou could imagine the day he moved to the dorms and the only time he’d worn the shirt was when he came to visit them one time during the winter holidays. He likes the shirt for what it symbolizes, containing the love and memories for him and he'll probably never get rid of it, however, he’ll be caught dead before he wears it for any other occasion.

It's a My Little Pony t-shirt.

And Shinsou doesn’t even know the name of the Goddamn horse on it, just knows that they had picked it because it matched his hair. He knows the implications of owning something like that and he rubs his eyes, feeling a headache arrive just from the thought of having to explain it to Kaminari. Why did he let Kaminari rummage his closet again? Kaminari’s laughing hysterically behind him and he’s got half a mind to ignore him until he hears the recognizable shutter sound from a phone camera, turning around as fast as he’s able as he’s ripping the shirt from his hands, “it was a gift,” he mumbles, sounding grumpier than he actually is to get the point across that Kaminari should leave it be. He hadn’t really… advertised his family situation to anyone but you and he isn’t in the mood for questions. Kaminari stammers out an apology and salutes Shinsou, before sticking his head back into the closet. Shinsou chuckles but lets him do whatever as he gently folds the shirt nicely, placing it by his hamper.

Kaminari settles on a sweater for him, ignoring the protests Shinsou’s got about temperatures. “I don’t want to hear it, bro! You look stunning in that sweater and it’s your night!” he argues back and the pat he was giving Shinsou on the back ends abruptly midway, as he realizes his mistake. “I mean! Uh! It’s just a regular night, of course! It’s just the first dinner for this semester, it’s nothing big!” Kaminari wheezes out in a panic and Shinsou decides not to let him suffer further, “don’t worry, I already know.”

Kaminari grabs his chest and sighs in relief, “I am so glad to hear that, my guy, I did not want to be the person who spoiled this.” And Shinsou decides not to snitch about who did. Though it’d have given him a funny story if he knew that you were the one who’d insisted on it being a secret.

As he sits down by the end of the table as the celebratory guest (he’s never felt this awkward or on display before), you go to him with a plate – it looks dubious at best, what’s on it, but Shinsou recognizes it to be Tentamadon – which he’d told you was his favorite dish once – or at least, it’s an attempt of it, if he’s to describe it more accurately. It’s charred and the smell isn’t how it’s supposed to be and the way you emit both embarrassment and disappointment makes him think that it’s your doing and his heart swells in his chest from the thought of you doing this for him. You put the plate in front of him and stammer out a half-hearted introduction and excuse for why it looks like it does. The whole class is sitting by the table too with bated breath, not entirely sure what to do – do they hurt your feelings or do they let Shinsou suffer through eating it?

Shinsou thanks you for the meal and digs in instantly, taking several bites before your hands go to his face, “Shinsou please, you really don’t have to eat it!” you try but as he swallows his bite he smiles at you, “it’s a bit different than what I’m used to but honestly, it tastes fine.”

Bakugou rises from his seat to yell at Shinsou, “it tastes and looks like shit, motherfucker! Don’t fucking lie!” walking up to him. You try to stop him and Shinsou looks at him calmly, “it tastes fine, no lie.” And the entire class goes pale because they’d all taste tested it for you, knowing that gunk on the plate was questionable – you were supposed to let it simmer but got impatient. You hold back Bakugou as he punches the table, “if I ever catch you lying to the pipsqueak you’re fucking dead, got that!?”

Shinsou simply takes another bite of the food while he keeps eye contact with Bakugou, “I’m not lying, Bakugou, I wouldn’t lie to my best friend.” Bakugou huffs, lets out a “fuckin’ good,” before going back to his seat. Kirishima stands up and tries to lighten the mood by introducing the rest of the food on the table, and everyone cheers and welcomes Shinsou once again, raising their glasses while nodding at him

You’re sitting out on the balcony when Shinsou comes out with a blanket, “you cold?” he asks and you shake your head – it doesn’t stop you from cuddling up to him though, when he sits down next to you. His hands clench at his sides but that’s the only noticeable reaction to your proximity.

“I’m sorry you had to eat that,” you sigh out after a comfortable silence and you hear him chuckle, “I’m really not lying when I said it tasted fine – my tastebuds are a bit messed up, so I go by textures and the texture was how it was supposed to be,” he reassures you and you scoff, “at least some part of it turned out right…”

Shinsou raises his hand from his side and squeezes the hand resting on your thigh and you tense up, “it was the best thing on the entire table.”

You want to dispute him; want to remind him that Sato had made an entire butter roasted chicken that was cooked to perfection and that Bakugou had served homemade Katsudon for 20 people without even breaking a sweat. He laughs and sucks in a breath, “you’re right, there was tough competition,” he teases and the way you lightly punch him makes him sigh out, “I appreciate all the food everyone made, but yours was still the best because you made it for me.”

That shuts you up. You’re not sure how to dispute that so you stay quiet, silently letting your hand travel to his that’s now resting on his own thigh, mirroring his action from before and he’s too nervous to say anything.

“Besides, the rice underneath were how they were supposed to be,” Shinsou adds in hopes it’ll comfort you but you groan, “Bakugou made the rice.”

You sit and suck in each other’s presence, both exhausted from the party tonight – half the class was playing Mario Party while the other was dueling in Ludo, of all things. Either way, the stakes were high inside and the peace and quiet of the outside – coupled with the comfortable temperature of a warm spring evening – puts you both in a lazy mood and Shinsou doesn’t even realize that his hand is caressing yours, his thumb brushing back and forth in a mindless pattern next to your wrist as he sneaks in a whiff of your shampoo.

He's looking forward to the future he’d dreamt of for so long, finally kickstarting his hero career properly and while he’d always believed he wasn’t there to make friends – maybe you and the rest of the chaotic class he’d become part of wasn’t so bad to have as company.

You’re in your bed with your head hanging from the edge, phone raised in your hands and legs propped up against the wall. Shinsou had just sent one of those Bitmoji pictures you could send in the chat, of his character saying goodnight to yours, tucked in a bed. You can’t help the smile that splays on your lips, laughing at his use of the Bitmoji things – though he’d assured you he’d never touch them even if you did make him one – well he’s eating his words, as his favorite pastime now, when you’re both too tired to think straight after long days, send them to each other and almost have a conversation through them – almost.

goodnight

i love you

You stare at the screen for a while, unable to lock your phone or close the app – you want to know the exact time he sees it. His little Bitmoji pops up in the corner to alert you that he’s in your chat and you hold your breath. He stays in the chat but isn’t typing and you feel a headache creeping it, maybe it hadn’t been the right time or place for this after all? His Bitmoji disappears and you release the breath. You’re about to leave the chat too when he comes back on and saves the message. You stay on and notice that he does this, leaving and entering a few more times and you end up snorting to yourself at him – you can’t help but imagine him panicking in his room right now. He starts typing a few times but leaves the chat or stops inter frequently and when he leaves the chat for well over 30 seconds, you’re about to let your phone lock itself automatically and put it on the bed in front of you. The screen goes dark and you’re instantly enveloped in the darkness of your room – your usual source of light, the string lights, needed new batteries – finally feeling calm enough to let out a big sigh. When your phone suddenly lights up again with Shinsou’s picture and ringtone you let out a surprised yelp and push the phone further away from you.

You take a deep breath before lifting it again, hovering above the answer button. You lift a knee as far as you’re able towards your chest and hide your face by your knee as you answer and put the phone to your ear, your heart beating out of your chest.

“Y-yeah?”

You squeak at your own tone of voice, embarrassed by the high-pitched sound – you feel like it’s way too obvious how nervous you are.

You chastise yourself for sounding so dumb, clenching the fist that rests on your other side. He says your name and sounds so breathless that you feel a shiver run down your spine. A silence follows where you’re unsure if he’s still on the line. You hear him clear his throat not once but twice before he speaks again,

“That last message.” He states, like a matter of fact but does nothing to follow it up afterwards and you get to draw four whole circles with your finger into your thigh before he speaks again, “was that… meant for me?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” you screech, trying to sound as casual as you can be, your hand slapping your forehead, reprimanding yourself for sounding like a timid mouse. You wince before opening your mouth again, effectively interrupting him without realizing it, “you’re my best friend and… I thought you ought to know already.” It’s the most confident you’ve sounded all week, you think.

“Oh.”

Oh.

That didn’t sound good, you thought, there goes that confidence. Your stomach drops and you let out a sigh, “I can… I can take it back if that… If I made you uncomfortable.”

“No!”

The volume of the word is so loud that you tear your phone away from your ear in shock, hearing him heave out a rather dramatic sigh, “it’s just. I’ve never…” he clicks his tongue, “I haven’t… tried… I-“ he interrupts himself with a loud groan, annoyed at himself for being unable to find the right words, “it’s just that I haven’t had any…” and he stops himself again as if he’s biting his tongue, biting back words he might regret and collects himself for a moment. He then clears his throat, “you’re really important to me too.”

The weight of his original words doesn’t go over your head though and your stomach drops even further at the realization of what they entailed. You aren’t unaware of his family situation or the bullying he’d gone through, you just hadn’t realized… how alone he’d really been, until this moment. When you don’t say anything he starts apologizing profusely and a smile is teetering on the edge of your lips as you try your hardest to ignore the way your hands are still shaking, “don’t apologize Shinsou! You loooooooove me,” you drawl out the last sentence and he groans, “stop teasing me.” You laugh at him before flopping down on your back, looking up at the ceiling where Shinsou had put up glow in the dark stars for you, after you’d seen them in the mall once, saying you’d always wanted to have those.

“I do,” he then says after a few seconds silence and you feel your own face heat up and your mouth go dry. Hearing him confirm it solidifies something in you that’d previously been an ocean, something stirring in you as you let out another nervous chuckle, “thanks,” is all you’re able to get out and he yawns.

“I should get to bed, I promised to go by the Support Department before classes tomorrow, they’ve made some tweaks to my bombs,” as you near the end of the sentence the excitement in your voice grows even clearer and Shinsou laughs, “you know, it sounds entirely unsafe to give a mess like you bombs.”

After some back and forth bickering to lighten the mood from earlier, you say your goodnights, and you both fall asleep with content smiles on your faces.

“Have you ever been in love?” Shinsou lowers the Hero’s News! Magazine he’s currently reading in the bed next to you to show he’s listening, turning his head towards you, “where’s this coming from?” he answers your question with another, making you click your tongue. He further lowers the magazine, hoping the shaking in his hands isn’t too obvious as he tastes his next words on his tongue, “I don’t think so. Have you?” he lies, lies through his teeth because if he had had the courage to say yes, he’d have to gather courage to tell you who it was as well – and he wouldn’t ever be ready for that, he decides as he keeps his eyes fixated on the ceiling. You hum as you pick on your nail polish – it’s purple, the same color and shade as Shinsou’s hair. “I mean, I had a crush when I was younger? I think?” you lay your hands down on your stomach, “could just be admiration or superficial though.” you finish, before you huff out a laugh and lay on your side, so that you face Shinsou – the close proximity almost making him choke. “It was Bakugou! In elementary school!” you look embarrassed as you try to laugh it off, resting your head on your arm. “Could just be his looks, though. He’s a pain in the ass,” you muse, starting to pick on the nail polish again. If Shinsou wasn’t six foot deep in his own brain about how your type of course had to be a guy like Bakugou – someone so far from himself, he’d have noticed the way you bit your lip and picked on the nail polish. You always did both things when you were incredibly nervous or anxious. A thick silence stretches out until you suddenly spring up and stretch your arms towards the ceiling, “I’ll be going down to make a cup of coffee, you wanna come?” you ask as you put on the hoodie you’d thrown on his floor earlier. Shinsou lets out a sigh of relief he wasn’t even aware he was holding in as he picks up the magazine again, “nah, my social battery’s low,” he states and you hum in understanding, “I’ll stop by when it’s dinnertime, then.” And as you close his door behind you, a sigh leaves you as your hand reaches for your chest. This is one of the first times you’ve ever lied directly to him and it pricks at your heart, the roots growing thorns as you try to justify it – it wasn’t fair to lie but it had been harmless right? Since his answer had been negative, it didn’t matter either way, right? You shake your head as to try and shake the thoughts out of your mind and walk towards the elevator to get to the common room.

It's the first of July and you’re in the common area’s kitchen, making a pancake batter. Next to you, Bakugou is yelling his head off about how you cracked the eggs wrong, you put in too much flour, you forgot to melt the butter and his reprimanding is never ending. You’re very aware that this is on you though, for asking him to help you out at 8AM on a Saturday. Half of your classmates are home for the summer vacation and while you are going home soon too, for a week or two, you’d insisted on staying for Shinsou’s birthday. Your aunt used to always make pancakes for you on your birthday when you were younger and you wanted him to feel special like that, too. As Bakugou’s once again yelling at you, this time for whisking it wrong you groan at him and hand him the bowl, “show me how, then!” you insist and he begrudgingly takes it from your hands before proceeding to whisk it so violently you’re not sure there’ll be any batter left.

“Dumbass, you gotta get the flour clumps out! They taste fucking terrible!”

You nod and start putting some of the ingredients back in the fridge, deciding that he’s probably the safest bet for a good batter. As you wipe down the counter, a voice makes both you and Bakugou turn your heads,

“What’s going on here?”

It’s Shinsou. Shinsou in an oversized shirt, a pair of joggers that hang dangerously low on his waist and the only reason you know that is because he’s currently got an arm inside his shirt, letting it ride up and reveal skin. You feel heat rise to your face as you run to hide Bakugou behind you – or more accurately, the batter in his arms. You momentarily get distracted by how groggy Shinsou looks – completely debauched and dazed, like he isn’t really awake yet. “Good morning!” you try and he laughs, a real lazy laugh with not much effort as he takes in the kitchen, “you’re making breakfast without me? You could’ve just woke me up,” he says and you swear you and Bakugou have never looked dumber than you do right now, all wide-eyed with raised brows.

“Pipsqueak, did you get the date wrong?” Bakugou whispers behind you and you turn around and yell “of course not! It’s July 1st and it’s his birthday today!”

You both freeze, Bakugou raising his head to the left to see Shinsou’s reaction behind you. You hear him chuckle and the fridge door close as you comically slow turn around to face him. He’s blushing but avoiding your gaze, a nervous smile on his lips as he scratches the back of his neck, “I don’t really… celebrate my birthday,” he gets out and Bakugou kicks your shin, probably as a reprimand for doing all this when he didn’t even want it. You click your tongue as your arms go to your hips, “that’s all well and good Shinsou but in that case, I wanna celebrate this day!”

“Why?” he looks at you in confusion but with a gentle smile still plastered on his face you’re reminded how soft he can be in the morning. “Because it’s the day my best friend got born – I’m glad you’re here, you know.”

You go in for a hug as you say the last part and Shinsou doesn’t struggle against it but stands frozen. In the background you hear Bakugou gag as he aggressively puts down the bowl, “I’m outta here then, all that’s left is cooking them, which your boyfriend can help you with.”

You sputter out a string of sounds, meant to be protests but coherent words fail to leave your mouth before he’s rounded the corner and left the kitchen.

“Even though I made enough for him as well, as a thank you…” you mutter weakly and Shinsou puts the kettle on while laughing at you, “I’m sure you can leave some in the fridge that he’ll crawl back and grab like a grumpy gremlin later.”

Making pancakes with Shinsou is chaotic, you’re disagreeing on how much butter there’s supposed to go on the pan but end up settling on Shinsou’s due to the argument that you’d rather want them a bit greasy than burned to the pan. More than once you forget them because you’re caught up in talking about something – boring things like classes and homework but also about TV shows and movies and even though you settled for extra butter, they still get burned. You save three of the best ones for Bakugou (since you’d probably never hear the end of it if you served him the burned ones) and put them in a wrapped plate with his name on it before putting them in the fridge.

“What if someone takes them? That isn’t him?” Shinsou asks and you look at him with a smirk, “as if anyone dares take anything with Bakugou’s name on it – he’d fry them.”

You set the table out by the balcony – the one in shade – and start eating.

“They taste amazing,” Shinsou says almost mechanically and you look at him with a raised brow, “I can tell when you’re lying.”

He chokes on a piece of pancake before gathering himself, “they really do!”

“there’s something off, though,” you try and he looks away, looking guilty, “oh my God, there is! What is it?”

Shinsou stabs the pancake a few times with his fork before he’s able to say it out loud, “…I actually don’t really like… pancakes.” You’ve never seen him look this guilty in his life and even though he just confessed, he takes another bite with vigor. You stand to reach for his plate from your side of the table, “don’t eat them when you’ve just confessed you don’t like them!” and effortlessly he grabs the plate with one hand and puts it back down in front of him, “but you made them for me and it’d be a waste, plus… they probably do taste great, if you like them.”

He says the last part with a glint in his eye and you groan at him before sitting back down, hiding your face in your hands, “everything we do today really is just for me, eh?” you complain. Shinsou chuckles and reaches a hand to yours, “thank you so much though,” he says genuinely and it sounds so heartwarming that you’re afraid of looking up, the place where you’re touching is burning as if you’re too close to the sun. As you finally look up at him, he’s sporting such a warm and glowing smile that for a moment you really do believe you’re next to the sun, blinded by the clear affection radiating off of him.

“Here’s your gift, happy birthday” you say meekly, handing the nicely wrapped present to him as you avoid his gaze. If you knew he wasn’t interested in celebrating his birthday, you wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble, you think.

Or maybe you would’ve anyway, since you can��t deny that you think he deserves the world and you’d been looking forward to celebrating him for so long now. You’d saved up for his present ever since he told you his birthday was in the summer – last fall. That’s when you’d fallen over the present as you’d been at the mall with your classmates.

Shinsou looks at the perfectly wrapped square with a matching ribbon. It’s not a big box by any means so he’s guessing you might’ve gotten him a keychain or something of that sort. He can feel the excitement rolling off of you in waves next to him on the couch and when he looks up at you again, there’s stars in your eyes as you urge him to open it.

He laughs at you as he carefully unpicks the tape, reluctant to ruin the wrapping paper even though he wouldn’t save it. A gasp escapes him as he gets a look at the box. It’s a leather box with a golden inscription. He doesn’t recognize the name but just from the feel of it, he’s well aware that this is expensive.

It’s not a keychain.

He clicks open the clasp and is met with a sleek, black ring. It’s thick with the edges being a matted silver. He looks up at you in disbelief and your childish wonder as your eyes asks if he likes the gift is almost making him groan because he could not accept this – no way in hell will he ever be able to repay you for this. His mouth opens and closes and he resembles a fish stuck on land – he feels he does that quite often when it comes to you, before a sound leaves him, though it resembles no words, only making it that much clearer that he’s downright flabbergasted. Before he gets anything more out, you close your eyes and yell, “before you say anything!”

You correct your volume before you continue, “I want you to have this! I know it’s probably way over budget for a friend gift but I want you to have it!” you repeat it with fervor, afraid to look at him in case he’ll still reject it. “If you feel bad about the price, don’t!” you add, your hands traveling to his that is still holding the box. You notice that he’s shaking a little bit, “my parents helped a bit…” you admit sheepishly and while he can’t explain it, it helps just a little bit – but not much. He closes the box again and is about to give it to you before you get up from the couch, “no, Shinsou! It's yours and that’s final!”

He can’t describe the look you give him but it’s got the ‘no bullshit’ attitude he often sees in Aizawa so he shuts his mouth and nods. You then kneel before him and open the box again, taking out the ring. He barely registers what you’re doing until you grab his hand to put it on him, “shit I hope it fits,” you mumble as you concentrate. It isn’t until it’s on him that you both seem to grasp what it is you look like right now. He blushes as he unintentionally rips his hand from yours and you stand up so fast you get dizzy.

You’re in Shinsou’s room, watching a random show. You can’t even name it if held at gunpoint because your focus is on something else entirely. Shinsou’s body is currently closer to yours than it’s ever been, his arm wrapped securely around your waist. He’s propped on his elbow so he can see the laptop screen too and every breath he releases sends shivers down your spine and goosebumps on your nape. Your body burns at every point of contact with his and you’ve been trying to even your breathing since the episode started but you’re failing miserably. Your heartbeat is over a million miles per hour and you’re convinced he can feel it, too – just because he’s quiet doesn’t mean he haven’t picked up on it. It’s the first time you’ve ever cuddled and it’s only because you had another late-night snapchat conversation where you’d been hit by some kind of insomniac bravery and sent a snap about needing cuddles last week. He’d countered about the heat of cuddling in summer and you’d replied that if it was in his room, it wouldn’t be a problem since he had A/C installed (as if every room didn’t have A/C).

As you try to focus your eyes on the screen at least, you’re sent right back to Rapid Heartbeat Land as he buries his face in your hair and asks, “you okay?”

Your eyes go to the hand on your waist and you spot the ring you’d put on his finger earlier, sucking in a breath, “just swell!” He chuckles, low and warm and you can feel the way his chest rumbles from it, the way his chest rises and falls and you have to hold back a gasp, “just tell me if you’d like to sit up instead, alright?” he says and you just nod, grateful he can’t see your expression from behind you. There’s nothing calm about it and you don’t want to freak him out or make him think you dislike being his little spoon – especially since it’s quite the opposite.

You spend the rest of his birthday like this and even though Shinsou’s arm has been asleep and prickling for at least two hours and he’s dead tired, thinks to himself that if he got attacked by a villain right now and his life ended, he’d die a happy man. Shinsou’s always tired, but never of you, he decides as he stifles a yawn and hugs you tighter.

Shinsou’s waiting down in the common area, unable to stand or sit still. Midoriya’s laughing at him from the couch where he’s playing Ludo with Uraraka and Iida, “I’m telling you Shinsou, it’s going to be fine!” he reassures the nervous wreck of a boy. Uraraka chimes in with a similar encouragement but Shinsou has already tuned them out merely because you’re coming into the room. You’re glowing and smiling as your step speeds up upon seeing him wait for you, “sorry for the wait!” you say as you go in for a hug. Summer vacation is almost over and you’re going to a festival together which, in Shinsou’s mind, feels like a date – ever since he had that thought, he hasn’t been able to stop the train of thoughts and implications of a possible date with you.

You smile up at him before raising your arm, “ready to go?” you joke, playing as a gentleman but he’s much too nervous to reply back with a bite.

When you arrive at the festival, Shinsou looks around with wide eyes. There’re so many lights that it seems the stars have fallen from the skies and landed on this spot of earth, illuminating the festival in an otherworldly glow – momentarily reminding him of the glow in the dark stars he’d hung up on your ceiling not too long ago.

He’s dragged around the different booths and when you eat Takoyaki together, he almost spills the sauce on the fancy dress shirt he’d borrowed from Kaminari because you’d insisted that he try one with lots of sauce on it. The evening is drowning in laughter and Shinsou’s having such a good time that he forgets to keep an eye on the clock. After winning you a plushie from a booth (it was more luck than skill, he reasons when he hands it to you) you walk around with a grin on your face for the rest of the evening. It isn’t until you’re resting on a bench that he feels tiredness grow in his bones. You take off your shoes for a second to massage them, tender from walking around all evening. A yawn escapes you as you come back up and rest your head on his shoulder, “should we go home?” he asks and you raise your head in alarm, “we can’t miss the fireworks!” you say desperately and he chuckles at the excitement written all over your face, “they always go all out! So it’s really beautiful, even if it is kinda noisy,” you smile and play with your fingers on your lap. He apologizes for daring to suggest going home early and you bicker back and forth until you get up and stretch your back, “let’s find a good spot!”

Admittedly, Shinsou doesn’t care much for fireworks – he’s not entirely sure you do either, but he respects the tradition. He imagines you as a child walking with your parents at these festivals you hold so dear and your pouty face by the game booths if you didn’t win, he imagines your eyes and the way they’d sparkle during the firework show. He takes another look at you as you hold the plushie in your arms – it’s a blue cat with an eyepatch. He thinks it’s supposed to resemble a Pro Hero but he can’t place it at all. You decided to call it Brainwave, like his hero name and it took him more than 10 minutes to will down the blush from that action.

You arrive to the grassy area where people watch the show and it’s so crowded that you grab onto Shinsou’s sleeve, guiding him through the masses. You originally wanted a place to sit but it’s so crowded that you settle for standing. Shinsou wants to thank you for a pleasant evening but he can’t really find the words – pleasant sounds too official and professional. He’s about to say something when the first firework shoots up into the sky and catches everyone’s attention, including yours. Instead of the fireworks though, Shinsou hurries to look at you.

And there you stand, admiring the fireworks. Shinsou thinks it’s cute, the way you slightly jump when they’re particularly noisy but still unable to tear your eyes away from the sky. You’re still hanging on to the sleeve of his shirt and if Shinsou was a brave man, he’d raise his arm and make you hold onto him, instead.

But he’s not, so he settles for the next best thing. The excitement in your eyes is evident, even though you’d looked so tired right before the fireworks show started. He notices the way you’ve done your hair just a little bit different than usual and the way your nail polish matches the rest of your outfit. He admires the slope of your nose, the cupid’s bow of your lips and the way your lashes flutter when you blink.

For a minute he’s so lost in you he barely notices the sensation of your hand gently sliding from his sleeve to his own hand, slotting so perfectly together, like they were made for each other, and he squeezes your hand instinctively before his mind can really tell him what he’s doing. It isn’t until you direct your attention to him, sending him a shy smile that he notices that his hand is sweaty and oh my God, it’s holding yours. He’s never ripped his hand away from anything so fast, embarrassed to the core that you had to feel his clammy hands but unfortunately his action sparks up something else from you and he can’t deny the twinge in his chest upon seeing the hurt flash in your face before you’re able to hold it back. “Uh, my-my hands were clammy,” he tries to say, wiping his hand on the side of his shirt – Kaminari’s dress shirt – before reaching out again, “that must’ve felt a bit nasty.”

The relief that washes over you is evident the second he reaches for you and you don’t spare a second before grabbing onto it again, “I like sweaty hands, you know.” You let out before a grimace comes onto your face, clearly embarrassed by that weird statement. Shinsou’s first instinct is to laugh and squeeze your hand, until he remembers that you’ve got a classmate whose entire quirk is sweating from his hands. Shinsou’s not an idiot, he can put two and two together. His grip on you loosens, but not entirely. He decides he still wants to hold onto you for now, just a little, even if you’d never be more than this.

Because how would he ever compare to someone who’s known you your whole life? He’d never catch up, even if he tried, the gap was too wide.

“Did the fireworks overwhelm you?” Shinsou looks at you in shock as you walk back towards the dorms together. “If they did, I’m sorry I insisted that we stay and watched them," you continued and Shinsou is trying to figure out where this is coming from. “There’s no problem?” he tries and bite his lip when your frustrated expression doesn’t change. “I’m sorry… you just seemed off, at the end. I thought we were having fun, but then it suddenly felt like… like you didn’t want to be there?” you end the sentence in a question to give him room to dispute it, to tell you how it really was. When he doesn’t say anything (out of confusion and embarrassment, mostly) you continue, “I just feel bad if the fireworks weren’t your thing and I kinda forced you to stay there.” Shinsou’s insides scream at him for making you feel this way, for being so caught up in his own emotions as to not to consider yours. So he grabs both of your hands and does his best to keep eye contact, “I’m sorry. I was… distracted. But I’m glad we watched the fireworks together.” He tries to smile and sound warm like you, but his voice has always been so gruff, so hoarse that he’s not sure he’s even able to sound warm, or if he just comes off as intense and foreboding. His apology seems to lighten your spirits though, a smile playing on your lips as you start swinging both of your hands side to side.

“I’m glad to hear that, because I had an amazing night, thank you.” you lean in to give him a kiss on the cheek and Shinsou short-circuits for 45 whole seconds before he can bring himself back to reality and act normal. You take your arms back and stretch them above your head, “my feet are busted though, can’t wait to sleep tonight.” Shinsou thinks your voice sounds just slight wobbly, but he’s not entirely sure if it’s the truth or just his mind playing tricks on him after you rewired his brain for the nth time during the year he’s known you.

School has started again, punching you all in the gut with internships and the like. Everyone feels like they’re struggling to keep up but no one admits it and the atmosphere becomes tense and thick with exhaustion all around you. Everyone holds on and try not to complain because this was, after all, their dream.

It makes Shinsou feel alienated. He still feels the gap between his classmates and him and keeping up to their tempo can be endlessly satisfying but more often than not leaves him exhausted – especially when it seems they’re all following suit just fine. Every hour during his internship is spent running, trying to pick up the pieces and keep up. So when the final day of internships are over, he naturally gravitates towards you. He barely has the energy to knock on your door so he just lets his head hit it and rest upon it as he drags his hand up and down in a scratching manner.

You slowly open your door with a curious look on your face, perhaps hoping it’d been a cat scratching to get in. When you see Shinsou, it does however feel like a cat has arrived. He’s fresh out of the shower and in comfortable clothes, leaning forward and almost falling into your arms when you’ve opened the door completely.

You expected him to arrive so you give him a hug and praise him for surviving his first real hero internship as you let your fingers run through his damp hair. He preens at the praise and tip his head to the side, like a cat enjoying scratches.

“You look like how I felt when I survived my first one,” you say while you gently drag him towards your bed – next to your bed, on your small table, a minor celebration is set up. Two canned coffees and a bag of potato chips. His eyes light up like your string lights when he spots your set up and he reminds you of a kitten being put in front a mountain of treats and toys. As he sits down you put a blanket around him before plopping down next to him, handing him a coffee.

You open them in unison again – it feels like you always do that – and raise them in cheers, congratulating each other for surviving. Shinsou feels off somehow but it’s probably due to fatigue so you decide not to push it.

He tells you of his experiences and as he goes into the territory of what he’s got yet to learn, you notice the first crack. It doesn’t take many sentences before his surface splinters and he’s hiding his face in his hands as heart wrenching sobs leave his form, hyperventilating on your floor.

Shinsou doesn’t like to be touched when he’s out of it so you go against your own instinct of wanting to embrace him and start breathing slowly but loudly, asking him to follow your breathing.

“I can’t-“ he gets out through hiccups and gets interrupted by another sob. He looks at you and the clear panic in his eyes hurts so you tell him what usually helps, “it’s okay Shinsou, it’s okay. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you’re amazing. You’re going to do amazing things and you’re not behind anyone. You’re so far ahead sometimes, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s okay.” You try to emphasize every okay that leaves your mouth and it seems to help – if only a fraction. You offer him to go lay in the bed and with shaky breaths he gets up with you and sits on the bed. He takes a deep breath before another sob leaves him and he looks at you, “I think it’d help… if-if you touched, today… I ca-.. I can’t c-calm down,” he says the last part between hiccups and you wipe the tears from his cheeks as you gently push him to lay down, assuring him you’ll be right there with him.

Shinsou runs hot during panic attacks but likes the comfort of being enveloped, so you grab the thin blanket he abandoned on the floor before crawling behind him, securely wrapping your arms around him, cooing into his hair between soft kisses. “It’s okay, Shinsou,” you say and his breathing slows and starts to resemble the one you’re demonstrating for him, only interrupted by sobs and hiccups once in a while. Your hand rubs gentle – and what you hope is soothing – circles into his waist, reminding him of your presence while your leg is lifted above his, effectively wrapped around him like a koala and substituting the weighted blanket that sits on his bed in his own room.

After he’s successfully breathed slowly for a few minutes, he opens his mouth, “I haven’t slept since my internship began… I think even seven hours the past week is high balling it,” he admits and you place another kiss on the crown of his head, “is there a reason?” you ask, though you have a feeling you know the answer – you mostly ask to give him room to open up. A sigh rips through him before he tastes the words in his mouth, “if I slept, I’d fall behind.”

Your hand squeezes his hip, “but you need sleep to function. What you’ve been doing is incredibly exhausting and part of being a good hero is also taking care of your body,” you remind him and he nods. You know he knows this but being reminded once in a while couldn’t hurt. “Wanna sleep a bit here? I can wake you when you need to go back,” you offer as your hand travels from his waist to one of his hands, intertwining your fingers.

After a few beats of silence he clears his throat, “will you keep playing with my hair?” you smile, knowing he had to gather his courage to ask that, so you suppress a giggle and rake your nails through it gently, “oh yeah definitely, your hair always smells and feels amazing.”

He’s glad you’re behind him since he can hide the blush adorning his cheeks. He momentarily gets paranoid that his ears are as bright red as his face but decides that if you ask, he can blame the panic attack. He wants to stay awake, though – you hadn’t had the chance to tell him of your internship and since you hadn’t had much time to talk through the week, he wasn’t sure how you were even doing these days. He’s about to ask about yours when a yawn rips through him, his eyes droopy and heavy. The last thing he feels is you placing a gentle kiss to his head again and his final coherent thought is that he wouldn’t mind if you continued to do so.

You know Shinsou’s fast asleep by now, his breathing even and deep. He’s even snoring a little bit and you giggle. You try to reach for your phone on your nightstand but he’s got you caged in. His grip on your arm is tight, and as you try to move away, he pouts and grips it harder. You snort at him and decide to spoil him a bit longer as you lie back down, squeezing him close to you.

You’d probably never be able to take the pain from him, to ease him and convince him that he’ll make it just fine – he’s a year behind and even with all his training, he’s painfully reminded of that at every corner. You know it’s not the right encouragement so you don’t say it out loud but sometimes you feel like you’re the one stumbling behind him. His dreams shine so brightly and his resolve is admirable. Besides being best friends, you’ve also become good training partners – since your quirks aren’t physical, you both need to really hone your martial arts and it’s been deliberating to have a partner who knows how to make your strength – and weaknesses – clear as you train.

You crane your neck, trying to get a look at his face. His facial features are soft, relaxed and the only movement is when his breath comes in and out. His bags seem almost non-existent here in the dark but you know they’re there, hanging under his eyes like weights. His mouth is slightly ajar and you’re guessing there’s most likely a drool trail on the underside of him and down on your pillow. You let your hand drag his hair back from his cheek, feeling the soft skin there and you can’t help yourself as your fingers continue to his nose, tracing it all the way down the slope. You’re seconds away from touching his lips too but realize what you’re doing as you retract your hand. Your hand rests back on his shoulder and you can’t help but notice how his upper arms have gotten bigger – at least since you last took a look at them. You can’t help but think about how far he’s come and how far you know he’s going to go. Pride swells in you as you start playing with his hair again as a way to distract yourself from the fact that you’re so close.

It's been a few hours of you contemplating him and how you could support him better when you feel his grip on you loosen – you take your chance and crawl out from behind him. As you see the clock on your phone, you’re reminded that it’s soon time to go back to your respective rooms and as you look down on him, you can’t help but click your tongue. It’s just not fair! He’s finally asleep and you know that if you wake him now, he’ll sink into his own head more as he returns to his own room and there he’ll be all alone.

You’re contemplating what to do and if there’s a way to avoid this but can’t really come up with an effective strategy except facing it head-on.

So here you sit, outside your door, feeling a bit silly after 10 minutes. It’s five minutes past curfew and you suspect that a teacher will show up any second now, telling you to get back inside your room – where Shinsou is. God, you really hope it’s Aizawa who’s at work tonight – your whole plan relies on that, actually. You’re about to unlock your phone and play some cheap game when you hear Aizawa clear his throat at the end of the hallway, walking up to you.

He says your name in a reprimanding tone and you move to get up, “you should be in your room,” he says and you straighten your back, “hear me out,” you start as you adjust your shirt, “Shinsou’s in there.”

Aizawa’s eyes widen but only for a fracture of a second before he eyes you again, “so?”

“He just finished his internship today and–” you begin and he interrupts you with his arms crossed in front of him, “I know.”

You give him an annoyed glare and realize this might be the first time you’re really giving him an attitude. “–He hasn’t slept – like, at all! He’s been so stressed and strung out and he finally fell asleep a few hours ago!” you’re not sure where your case's going and you curse yourself for not planning your arguments better. Aizawa just looks at you with a raised brow, “so?” he repeats but you have a feeling he’s more interested in the rest of your argument than to actually shut you down, “so what I’m trying to propose is, that you let him sleep there tonight.”

You’ve straightened your back again and with your hands on your hips, keep looking at Aizawa with all the confidence you can muster in hopes it’ll help convince him. He lets a hand run through his stubble as he looks around the hallway, obviously perplexed. Maybe there’s a chance he’ll actually say yes, you think and let yourself relax just a little – but not enough to look like you’re faltering.

“Look, I know about Shinsou’s insomnia, and I’m really glad he’s actually sleeping right now but–“ he sucks in a breath through his teeth and bites his lip for a moment as he contemplates his next words, “–not a word of this, to anyone, understood?” he’s pointing at you with a stern look and you can’t help the big smile that adorns your features, going in for a hug before you think about it, “thank you! I knew you really cared about him, too!” you exclaim before going for the door handle. Aizawa says your name firmly and when you look back at him, he’s wearing the smallest – but also caring – smile before repeating the deal.

“Got it, not a word to anyone.”

You enter your room again and lock the door behind you, letting out a relieved sigh as you realize how fast your heart is beating. You can’t really get your head wrapped around the fact that you actually convinced him to say yes. You walk over to your closet and grab your pajamas.

You’re about to let your pants drop to the floor in the middle of the room before you remember that Shinsou’s there. Technically, he’s asleep and won’t see you or even know you did it but you feel weirdly embarrassed as you make a beeline for your bathroom to change and brush your teeth.

All right, now you just have to… go back and sleep next to Shinsou, in your bed, all through the night – naps weren’t unheard of between you but you’d actually never slept through a whole night together. All right, it couldn’t be much different, right?

The tiredness you felt as you had brushed your teeth has evaded you as soon as you’ve climbed back behind Shinsou. Just as you had resigned to your fate of nervously cuddling him while falling asleep, he turned around in his sleep and wrapped his arms around you while mumbling out your name, his voice hoarse from the crying earlier and so, so sweet. His warmth encapsuling you as you feel his breath fan over your collarbone, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Yeah, it’s safe to say you did not get proper sleep that night.

“Have you ever kissed someone?” you’re biting your lip as you avoid the confused gaze he sends your way from the other couch in the common area. You’re the only two currently, Jirou leaving mere minutes ago with the instruments you’d been playing with for the past hour. Shinsou with a guitar had steered something in you – listening to him trying to sing along with his newly acquired skill to play Leaving on a Jet plane by John Denver mostly correct had made your heart rate pick up so fast that you were momentarily worried you might have a heart condition. The concentration on his face certainly had to do with the multitasking required by playing and singing at the same time but it only heightened your rather… romantic sentiments towards him and you couldn’t hold back the question that’d been burning at the back of your mind the past week. He massages his hand, most likely aching from the chords he was still learning to get right. “What’s up with you?” he asks back, “there’s been a lot of… inquiries to my romantic endeavors the past few weeks.”

You don’t mean to get distracted by the way his voice sounds hoarser, a lower timbre than you’re used to him using around you – but he just sounds so… good like that that you can’t help the butterflies batting all the way up to your ribcage. You sharply inhale to ground yourself and lift your feet up underneath you on the couch, “guess we’re just at that age?” you try to laugh but you sound so nervous that you have to hold yourself back from biting your own fist in embarrassment from even starting this conversation with him.

If you dared to look up at him at this moment instead of being harsh on yourself, you probably would’ve noticed how intent his gaze currently was … on the window. So you decide to lay your confession first, in hopes that it’ll fish his out of him.

“I’ve never kissed anyone.”

All Shinsou does is nod as he says, “cool to know, cool to know…” tapping a rhythm with his fingers on his thigh and you’re about to yell out because the embarrassment that was the entire situation is almost too much to bear, “I haven’t, either…” the silence stretches for a while as you process the information, “kissed anyone… that is.”

You can’t help but laugh out loud at the fact that he had to confirm that the subject was still on kissing and not moved to something else, like whether or not you’d ever owned any fish. Shinsou’s face lights up and matches the color of Kirishima’s hair and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look this distressed. Belatedly you realize he might be thinking that you’re laughing at him for never having kissed anyone, so you kill your laughter by coughing into your elbow, “I’m so sorry Shinsou I didn’t mean to…” you try and he laughs awkwardly, almost painfully. “I didn’t laugh about… I mean, I haven’t kissed anyone either, right? So why would I make fun of that!” you try, “what I laughed at was… oh my God, it’s not even funny,” you realize mid-sentence and hide your face in your hands. You groan as you lift your head and gather the courage to look at his face again, “I didn’t laugh about the fact that you haven’t kissed anyone.” You say it so there’s not doubt what you meant and Shinsou, with his raised eyebrows, nods at you and looks at you as if you’re an idiot.

“I forgive you?” he tries, ending it like a question because he’s not sure where you’re going with this exactly. You jump up from the couch like a stiff board and look at him, “want coffee?”

So here you stand, next to each other in the kitchen. You’re waiting for the water to finish boiling, hip to hip. Your coffee cups are ready in front of you, the instant coffee already meticulously put in the cups to each of your likings and it isn’t until he gets the milk from the fridge that you realize you’ve made each other’s coffees. You’re not sure whether or not to comment on this until he puts the milk closest to you, so you can pour it into the cup you’re preparing – which is his.

You’re about to say something when the kettle makes a beep sound, indicating it’s finished. Shinsou grabs it and gently pours the hot water into the cups, stopping where he knows you want him to and for a moment you’re hypnotized by watching him make coffee. It’s almost gentle, the way he circles the kettle to properly blend in the grinded coffee, pouring softly and with attention to it. Your eyes travel to his hands, currently with fresh wounds on his right knuckles from Heroics Class two days ago where he had to fight Kirishima in a ‘rescue the civilians from the villain’ training scenario.

Your hand reaches out before you can think and your fingers gently prod on the wound – you expect a wince or other reaction similar to that but instead it’s dead silent, his grip only tensing around the kettle. You retract your hand and apologize profusely to which he laughs, “they don’t hurt, don’t worry. And I take care to clean them every night,” he adds the last part and you smile at him – as Shinsou was getting used to being in the Hero Department, it’d also meant getting used to more bruises. While first aid was covered during first year of the Hero Department, it wasn’t exactly part of the curriculum for the General Department – at least, not to the same extend. So you’d taken it upon yourself to teach him the robes, puffing out your chest – so excited to finally be able to teach him something. He’d been your favorite (and only, he kept adding) student and even though you already spent all your time together, it felt nice to sometimes have a reason.

You drink your coffee in mostly silence, sitting on each of your phones. He’s scrolling through Hero News and you’re playing one of those stupid puzzle games, stuck on level 342. The atmosphere is calm and the awkwardness from before seems to have dispersed like invisible dust – only visible in the right sunlight or circumstance. You spare him a glance once in a while, smiling to yourself.

Shinsou’s standing in his room, controlling his breathing. It’s Sunday evening and you’re coming back to the dorms in an hour or so. You’d gotten called home Friday, getting permission to leave school grounds due to a family related issue – before you got picked up, you weren’t sure what was going to happen or why you were called home but assured Shinsou you’d be back Sunday. You’d texted him 45 minutes ago that dinner was over soon and you’d text him when you were on the way.

Shinsou hasn’t heard from you all weekend and he’s been nervous about it – the only thing he got was a snap, to keep your streak alive – but most of all he’s worried about you. Kaminari and Sero are sitting on his bed, propped up against each other, “I know that you’re nervous bro, but I promise it’ll be fine!” Sero tries for the nth time though it does nothing to quell Shinsou’s worry. Kaminari makes an agreeable noise as he plays on Sero’s switch – he’s not being a very good friend right now, he knows – but to his defense, Shinsou had been pacing like this since lunch.

Saturday was movie night at the dorm and the movie was some romance movie Shinsou didn’t even know the name of, but he’d sat with eyes wide and mouth hanging open – multiple times did he have to be reminded to close it. He was completely mesmerized by the fact that the plot of the two almost-lovers reminded him awfully much of his relationship with you – and it’d ended happily in the movie. After it was made obvious that he was definitely going through something, Kaminari had teased him and yelled out “how many here thinks Shinsou’s got an honest shot with them?” since you weren’t there anyway – and everyone had agreed that all he had to do was confess. The only people who hadn’t ‘voted’ in that impromptu election was Bakugou, who was busy on his phone and Shinsou tried not to think too hard about that, deciding that he probably wasn’t even listening. Alright, so all he had to do was confess? Shoot his shot?

Easier said than done.

You’d texted that you were on your way back and had to talk with him when you got there. He feels like his heart is beating out of his chest as he shoos his friends out of his room before walking to yours. He figures he might as well wait for you there, right?

When you arrive Shinsou straightens his back and tries to hold back the big smile he’s currently sporting – he’s not interested in scaring you away so he contains himself as best as he can. You’re looking pointedly at the ground and haven’t even spotted him by your door yet so he lightly jogs to meet you halfway.

He says your name in a gentle tone and the shock that’s written on your face surprises him and he raises a brow at you. You hurry to school your expression, trying to remain neutral. “What’s wrong?” he asks and you motion for your room with a sharp inhale and a nervous click of your tongue.

As you enter your room Shinsou closes the door after you and lets you get comfortable on the bed before he joins you. You don’t look all too happy and he’s worried something terrible has happened. He sits down and takes your hand in his, repeating his question, “what’s wrong?”

You start crying as soon as he squeezes your hand, unable to look him in the eye.

“I’m moving to Europe in a few weeks.”

message me here to join the taglist and once again, thank you for reading!

#boku no hero academia #bnha #bnha x reader #shinsou hitoshi x reader #shinsou x reader #shinsou x you #genderneutral reader #disabled reader #multichapter bnha #nohr.writings #inked coffee fanfic #shinsou fluff #mha x reader #shinsou hitoshi fluff #my hero academia x reader #nohr.writing

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sunshine-tattoo · 3 years

Text

ok I need yall to understand something.

stolas is not an abusive partner to blitz, he's just a clueless partner.

stolas is very smart, but he's also very ditzy and rather self absorbed. Kinda a cliched power bottom bimbo.

When he embarrasses blitz in public, he literally doesn't realize that he's doing it at all. Because he sees what he's doing as affectionate, not embarrassing.

I wrote another post a while ago about how stolas essentially has the mindset of a dumb lovesick teenager because blitz is the first real love he's ever really had. So he acts like a gushing moron in public because he's so happy.

It's obvious to us as the audience that blitz can't stand the gushing and nicknames, at least in public. But stolas doesn't notice because he's seeing everything through metaphorical rose colored glasses.

Hell, I'm not even sure the other imps notice the discomfort. Millie at least seems to think the whole thing is cute.

Striker noticed, but that was because he was already observing blitz heavily to see if he would be a potential ally.

Does stolas have some elitism towards blitz and other imps? Absolutely. It's a serious issue.

Can it be unlearned and he become a better partner/ political leader? Yes. I think that may actually be an arc for him.

As for blitz himself, I think that he actually does enjoy his time with Stolas. Minus the baby talk of course. He's just so emotionally constipated that it's hard for him to admit it.

We can see as much when he gets tongue tied talking to striker about what his relationship is with Stolas. Because he doesn't really know.

The two of them definitely need better communication if this relationship is going to blossom into something beautiful. But I do think that it will with time.

The next episode looks like it's all the bad guys from previous episodes coming back to fight IMP and Stolas's life being in danger from the assassination attempts.

I think that some of this will force blitz to acknowledge his feelings for stolas and force stolas to recognize his own elitist behavior towards blitz.

From there, they can work on their relationship.

#helluva boss stolitz #helluva boss #helluva boss stolas #helluva boss blitzo #the harvest moon festival #helluva boss episode 5

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osdd-1bitch · 2 years

Text

Promised ‘Mike scrolls tho the wonderland sys tags’ posts.

tw for ableism and some homophobia

*deep sigh*, to preface this long post, the wonderland system is/was a a system on tiktok who doesnt fit many peoples preconceived notions on what a DID system looks like. they have a lot of alters, nonhuman alters, a big headspace ect. so a bunch of very uneducated singlets, ableist people, and the rest dogpiled them. i mean literally making wikis and collaborative google documents about them. its incredibly weird and gross and there are a lot of deeply misinformed tiktoks on that tag im gonna give my thoughts on here.

okay so. this is me just going thru vids and talking abt them if i see one i think i could comment on but its mostly singlets asking basic questions or making fun of things we've known abt the disorder since the 90s and just..i dont recommend looking into it on your own. singlets please do basic research challenge i am so so tired.

shoutout to those ppl in this tag calling out the misinfo and blatent ableism yall are wonderful .

clarifications before we start:

1) even if these are purely jokes they arent funny and are mocking aspects of a stigmatized disorder/sowing doubt in completely possible things. ik you didnt even google DID/OSDD-1 before making your tiktok and i dont really care, that is entirely on you. and also its just ableism and annoying, yall are harassing and making whole wikis about a teenager its gross. yall literally brought kalvin garrah back to have cringe takes on DID/OSDD-1 if anyone is harming this community its you guys. and also the mocking of other disorders and disabilities? mm no.

2) i am not gonna be linking or saying any names. i dont condone these tiktokers being harassed no matter how sht they are acting, kindly dont go out of your way to spread hate or send messages or whatever but spreading actual info is appreciated.

3) if you have been harassing the wonderlandsystem kindly unfollow and block us. yall are gross.

4) im not gonna b talking abt the wonderland system directly, just the ppl talking abt them dont come at me w 'well they did (x)' i really dont care and it doesnt change the ableism towards them which is unacceptable.

-Mike/Author (he/him)

cw for general ableism / homophobia ect

--------

1) 'hospitals? so they have schools? and all the history that happened to make hospitals? and-'

omg you have a human alter? so you have all the billions of years of history in your headspace to make humans evolve and exist in the first place?

no. the brain can take in things from outside. this take is so incredibly asinine i dont understand how people are unironically asking this bc this could apply to literally anything bc...we as a species, and this planet all has billions of years of history. you dont need to review literally every second of history to have a alter thats a human or DID wouldnt form...literally what do you meannnn

2) 'how do the nonhuman alters know how to use tiktok??'

alters can....learn things. and talk to people. and they have a human body. nonhuman alters can be perfectly capable of learning how to function in a human body. they arent static entities. thats like asking how a 60 year old knows how to use tiktok. they have hands and and a brain people.

3) 'lol (x) species of alter??'

yes. why not.

4) '(making fun of alters having different opinions)'

they have...different personalities...and memories...and everything....why is this not allowed if they can have different accents??? yes some alters have sht opinions some ppl have sht opinions why is this funny to you.

5) 'alter is (age)!11!'

and?

6) 'they have 272 alters!!'

there have been recorded cases of more. there is literally a term for having lots of alters (and other symptoms associated) called 'polyfragmented'. also, there are people citing psychologists, to those, do they specialize in DID/OSDD-1? secondly, with the years of medical malpractice and the extremely outdated views from some of these people (many who dont even think DID/OSDD-1 exists), have any proof these people are knowledgeable on larger systems or any reason their opinion is valid?

there is no limit to how many alters/sysmates a system can have and there is no reason to make one up.

7) 'alters dating!1!'

why not.

8) 'thats inc3st11!!'

no.

9) 'DID/OSDD-1 is so rare, professionals cant agree it exists!!!'

professionals have argued if literally any disorder ever has existed. ive met a therapist who told me that nonverbal people were liars and faking. literally everything even depression has people who should be educated acting real weird that isnt proof.

also DID alone: 1-3% and its highly misdxed and probably under dxed. excluding all the other forms of OSDD-1, so disordered systems are a lot more common.

also tiktok has....an algorithm. there have been huge plural communities since forever. we have cons and meetings. what.

10) 'can the nonhuman alters/littles do (basic task)?'

maybe and maybe not. why are you so interested, and why are you laughing anyways? 'haha 3 year old alter doesnt know how to drive' why is this funny.

11) 'haha (situation) but its (alter)'s turn to front'

i dont understand why a system allowing its alters to express themselves and use the body is so funny to you? haha they have a healthy dynamic and can agree with each other on something that works?

12) 'trauma has to be rlly bad to have nonhuman alters1!!1'

no. being dehumanized in any way, or believing something nonhuman can help in some way can cause a nonhuman alter to form.

13) 'you have to be really traumatized to have a big system!1!'

okay then why are you harassing them. also big systems are a thing...and have been a thing. some systems are more prone to splitting for various reasons. calm down. or can people w ptsd not use the internet?

14) 'haha an alter is a skeleton'

considering how these people are the same ones saying you need a ton of trauma for any nonhuman alter the only reason in their minds for a skeleton would be d3@th related trauma that is incredibly extreme and nothing else. im not sure how that works well you are simultaneously making fun of the fact of forming an alter around that exact scenario/how that alter could act. make it make sense.

15) 'haha gatekeeper doing their job'

what. huh? i literally do not understand this. you do know thats what...gatekeepers do, correct?

16) 'they are queer, and have a lot of makeup and stuff'

queer kids tend to go through trauma my guy bc of homophobic ppl and stuff. also traumatized ppl tend to enjoy not looking the way they did well being absed. and it looks nice? we arent allowed to have aesthetics or look nice?

also @ that one guy who called it a 'symptom of did' fck you personally that wasnt a genuine question and was incredibly rude, both to queer people, and to systems, and we are both aware of that.

17) 'haha google doc haha discord server haha wiki'

why are you ppl so invested? but okay

18) '(actually informative video)'

thank you yall are the only good thing in this tag

19) 'they went private11!!1'

yeah probably bc of harrasment by dipshts like you?

20) 'alters can marry? this implies they have a chu-'

first response. also you dont need a specific couples therapist to help in a married relationship, they can just get a outside therapist or solve it internally and ig get divorced. they dont need a court or whatever bc its internal aaaaa please think for five seconds im begging you

21) 'how do they get food is the island self sustaining'

ah yes, my mentally constructed island must follow real world physics and our societies constructed rules of money and trading routes. there is no other option for my completely mental headspace to follow./sarc

no. what? no.

22) '(hunger games)'

you people are weird af seriously. like /gen this is weird, kindly leave them tf alone.

23) 'bc (alter) is rightwing, that means there is internal racism in the headspace'

no. alters can...interact...and have opinions....on the outside world....the leap of logic here

24) '(alter) is (big number) age!1! so that must correlate to real world experiences/history'

no. why.

25) '21 pilots bad'

this is such a strange tiktok to me. have we not grown past this age of cringe culture? 'haha band is liked by teen girls? bad.' that is literally the extent of your logic. why post this?

26) 'haha innerworld big'

why...not. why is there a size limit? whats the logic here? does it have to be a empty plane with two chairs? are systems not allowed to have nice things or anything at all? genuinely whats the logic here.

27) 'haha neopronouns'

yall are still crying abt neos??? damn i thought we were over this. outdated.

28) 'is (real world person/event/thing) real in the headspace? i need to know'

one, why do you need to know. two, maybe? considering the tiktok in question, probably not. why do you all assume the mental construct of the headspace has to follow real world logic? do yall think they straight up jump into a portal into another dimension with irl physics and sht for a innerworld. what.

29) 'they split so many alters in this one year!'

yeah...that can happen. traumatic times means...more splits....alters can split in groups. wat.

30) 'alters are only formed w extreme trauma!'

no. big or small t trauma or even stress can cause splits, especially in larger/polyfragmented systems who tend to be more prone to split in the first place.

31) 'they all have the same speech patterns!!'

masking. scripts. whatever.

32) 'my psych parent says (x)'

and. there are psychs who dont think DID exists period. there are some still preaching 'silo' theory to systems. bad professionals are a dime a dozen in DID related fields all you are doing is making me think your parent is sht at their job

33) 'haha what if they switched in a bad situation'

yes...this is one of the many drawbacks of the disorder that can make life very hard to handle? excuse me? what?

34) 'haha do you think any alters like (x)? if so, how does (x) exist?'

alters can front. they can front.

---

anyways thats enough for me at this point. i might comment on the general ableism and general gross sht in this tag and how this system is just being used as an excuse to be horrible and how weird yall are acting well dogpiling this teenager but yeah.

#Mike gets so fcking tired man lol #Fakeclaiming #Txt #Ableism #Long post

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