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nyxdelanuit · 4 years

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We All Fall From Heaven

Hello my little constellations! Here is the third chapter of mine and @mammonrightsYandere House of Lamentation series c: Please be aware of the tags, and enjoy! I also will not be adding my usual tag list to this due to the themes involved, so please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters!

MASTERLIST

WARNINGS: YANDERE THEMES, DUBCON/NONCON, Abusive/Obsessive Relationships, Branding/Marking, senpai/kouhai kink, Anal, uHH,,tails... and of course, SMUT ABOUND~ Please be sure to mind the tags <3

It was easy to convince Lucifer to let you stay home that day, your throat, raw from crying, conveying a sickness you didn’t have even through the shut door. You waited until all noise faded away, longer still until you were sure all the brothers were gone for the day. Only then you changed into loose sweats, comfy clothes for a day of wallowing in bed. You considered using any of the presents Asmo left in your room, but the thought churned your stomach. Maybe another day. Maybe when your head was a little more clear.

Food you could handle. You didn't bother with making yourself presentable, merely padding through the halls on bare feet. The kitchen was only next door, after all. It still took you a bit of time to recognize what foods were okay for you to eat, avoiding Beel's food and any that wasn't… fit for human consumption. The names still threw you off a bit, but it tasted close enough to what you were familiar with that you could stomach it. You had to, at least for now.

You were so caught up in searching for food so that you could lock yourself away for the day, that you didn’t notice another presence in the kitchen. Turning around with arm-fulls of food, you ran into another sweat-clad figure. Both you and Levi jumped back, nervous and flushed, for entirely different reasons.

"Oh… I was coming here to grab some of those snacks." Levi looked away nervously, and you were tempted to just thrust all the food into his hands and run back into your room. "You're skipping today, right? Come watch this new anime I found with me! T-then we can share the snacks…" Your every cell was yelling, begging at you to run. But this was Levi, he was just as touch-averse as you were now, he just wanted someone to share his hobbies with. Plus, what better way to distract you from all the problems rattling around in your head than escaping into some fantasy world, where things were predictable and made sense.

So with that, you followed Levi to his room, the swirling blue bringing a sense of calm you hadn’t felt in days. You weren’t sure you even felt it now, but the ambiance sure helped you pretend. It was even… comfortable, lounging on Levi’s couch as the two of you bickered about whether the protagonist was good or cheesy. You could almost forget. At least Levi could be your safe haven.

Your eyes lit up when you remembered that he was the third brother, above both Belphie and Asmo. If you told him, would he protect you? He was stronger, after all. Maybe you could make an actual pact with him. If he believed you at all. You fidgeted as you thought about it, not noticing the shrinking space between you and Levi.

Static passed between you as your fingers touched his, both of you pulling away. Levi yelped, and you couldn’t help but chuckle nervously. Even so, you put your had back where it was and focused on the show while Levi… red-faced and not looking at you or even the show, slowly encompassed your hand with his own. There was something so sweet, so innocent about it that set your heart thundering.

The credits rolled on the last episode. Your hand was still nestled in Levi’s carefully, kind of clammy grip. His nervousness helped ground you, and you couldn’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach every time his eyes drifted to yours only to look away and blush.

“Levi… the show’s over.” You didn’t really want to leave, but if you didn’t go now, the rest of the brothers would get home before you could lock yourself in your room. “I should go, for now.”

“W-wait!” Levi jumped up from his spot on the couch, offering you a hand. “Let me walk you to your room?” You chuckled and took his hand, letting him help you up.

“I’d like that.”

You walked in silence, Levi's grip on your hand feather-light. He wanted to be sure you could pull away if you wanted to; in fact, he almost seemed certain that you would. He stopped at your door, staring at your intertwined hands.

“D-do you want to skip tomorrow too? We could cosplay together… I found a few premade outfits on Akuzon I could have ready for you.” He rubbed his neck nervously until you nodded. One more day locked away in the sanctuary of Levi’s room felt just like what your heavy heart needed. With a furious blush, Levi placed a chaste peck on your lips and slithered away, leaving you blinking at his quickly moving back.

For once, you laid in bed with a smile on your face. You couldn’t help but trace your lip lightly, daydreaming of what tomorrow would bring.

Lucifer was not as accommodating the next morning, and you were glad you passed out dressed in your comfy outfit from the day before. He forced you down for breakfast at the very least, and you felt the tension in the air as Asmo and Belphie abandoned their usual seats to place themselves on either side of you. One hand fell to your hip, one to your thigh, and you could feel your breath catch.

Across the table, Levi caught your eye. The look in his eye was indecipherable, but you hoped that he saw your plight. You shuffled the food around your plate, your appetite suddenly gone, pulling worried and hungry stares from Beel. He accepted the plate when you slid it over to him, but the look on his face was akin to a kicked puppy.

Breakfast passed with a quiet tension as Levi’s eyes hardened on his brothers, the grip on his silverware turning his knuckles white. As soon as his food was clear, Levi pushed away from the table. He grabbed your arm, dragging you from your seat and the grips of the hands on you.

"I'll make sure the normie stays in bed today, so she feels better tomorrow." Lucifer rolled his eyes at Levi's tantrum but nodded.

“It is important that they stay healthy and do not miss too many classes. Please see that you do.”

You thought that maybe Levi had meant it when he said he’d keep you in bed by the way he stomped out of your room after breakfast, but after an hour or so, a timid knock sounded from your door. Levi stood at the threshold, looking nervous.

"You ready?" He couldn't meet your eyes, but you timidly reached for his hand, and he didn't pull away. The two of you walked the halls much like you had the night before, hand-in-hand and bashful. "I got a couple different ones for you to try on… I have a matching one for each cosplay… like a c-couple's cosplay." You thought you had seen the full range of red that Levi could display, but it seemed as if you had been wrong with how his face burned. You nodded, escaping to his bathroom to try the first one on. "I-I'll change out here!" He called after you.

You examined yourself in the mirror as much as you could. All things considered, it could have been worse. All your bits were properly covered, and although you couldn't see too well from the waist-down, it didn't seem like the skirt was too short.

You had barely stepped out of the bathroom when Levi suddenly appeared in front of you. He seemed frozen in time, taking in your figure with an ever-reddening face. You went to reach for him, but he crushed you to his chest, kissing you fervently. He pulled away panting. “I’m sorry… you just look too cute.” He allowed himself a touch to your cheek before he pulled away, but your hands tangled in his shirt. “P-please. I don’t know if I can control myself,” He covered his face with his hands as he whined, trying to distance himself from you.

He was giving you a chance to go. To run, but you were still here, clinging to him. Why were you still here?

He peeked through his fingers to see you standing before him, not even a step where he left you. His eyes roamed your figure like he was seeing you for the first time, stopping where your hem ended against your thigh. Your breath hitched as he took in the delicate lines of Belphie’s mark peeking out from the delicate fabric. Horror raced through your veins as you saw the red fade from his face only to be replaced by the look he sported during breakfast.

Jealousy

You took a step back as he approached, and another until your back hit the tank's glass wall. His arms caged you in, and he gave a hollow laugh.

“I should be excited, it’s my first time actually kabedoning anyone, but for some reason I’m not happy about it.” You barely registered his shift, unable to tear yourself away from the look in his eyes. His tail wrapped around your bare thigh, tightening over Belphie’s mark before continuing its ascent. His eyes widened as the tip of his tail brushed over Asmo’s mark.

"It's not fair," he whined, closing in on you. "I understood! You weren't going to be my Henry, but you were supposed to be my player two." The warmth of Levi's tail trailed over your panties, mixing with the icy chill of his eyes and sending a shiver through you. "Still you let them touch you, take you from me, it's not fair."

“L-Levi, I didn’t ask for this.” You trembled under his gaze.

"Taking their older brother's things…" He tilted your head up with a firm grip on your chin. "I'm going to show you that you're mine." His tail slipped under your panties to rub against the slick, slowly accumulating, the tip of his tail curling gently around your clit as he kissed you.

It was different from the kiss from last night, more malicious, but your head was full of soft, nervous Levi. You couldn’t help but give in as he bit at your lip, letting his tongue consume the moans falling from your mouth. His tail kept moving, eventually sliding into your heat with a lewd sound. You were filled so suddenly that you had a hard time keeping yourself upright, your legs shaking underneath you.

Levi chuckled mirthlessly, grabbing at your arms to keep you from tumbling to a heap on the floor as his tail writhed within you. "Uwaah! It's just like in those H-games. Keep showing me that face." He quickly slid the fabric of your outfit under your chest, wasting no time in propping you against the cool wall so he could sink his fingers into each breast, his face joining soon after.

It seemed the further he indulged himself, the more his jealousy faded. He might not have been the first to have you, but he at least got to have you like this, trembling as he smothered himself in your tits. He gave one nipple a gentle lick, testing the water as you squirmed, the mild pleasure mixing with the overpowering passion of his tail and coalescing in a rising heat in your stomach.

“I’m not going to stop until you make that face." He chuckled, enveloping a nipple with an amateur suck, too harsh and painful, but your body responded all the same. The sharp cry that left your mouth only pushed him further as he rolled and pinched the others in his fingers. The pain drug you further to your peak, and with a last thrust of his tail, you came.

Levi watched you the whole time, enraptured as his tail worked faster to prolong your release. Your mouth fell open as your cries echoed through the room, and you could feel drool spilling out the side as he brought you to the edge over over-stimulation. Levi followed the trail from your chin to your lips with his tongue, giggling as he covered your mouth with his own.

"So good, what a good kouhai I have." He picked you up easily, keeping his tail planted inside you as he walked the two of you over to the couch. The same one you spent the day on yesterday, watching anime and holding hands like first-crushes. He maneuvered your limp body over the arm of the couch, your bare breasts roughly rubbing against the coarse fabric. He flipped the skirt of the cosplay over your ass, clearly enjoying the sight of your tail-filled pussy covered by the wet fabric of your panties. You keened as he slowly removed his tail, enjoying the way you squirmed at the sensation.

Once it was fully removed from you, he used his tail to rip your panties from your body, baring you to his sight. You weren't sure what embarrassed you more, the knowledge that sweet, nervous Levi was staring at your bare core or the obscene noises coming from the demon behind you. He wasted no time in pulling himself from his pants, palming himself with quick strokes before plunging into you. His tail had prepped you well, only the pleasure of being filled consumed you, causing you to arch off the couch.

Levi was clearly inexperienced, his thrusts much too quick for your liking, but your body still hadn’t recovered. Bliss flowed through your veins unbidden, and you tried desperately to hide your reaction in the cushions. Levi didn’t seem to mind, gripping your hip and pushing down on the base of your spine to keep you pinned.

“They got you first, used you like some toy, but I wonder if they got here too?” Levi’s obsessed voice drifted through your ears, but you were unable to decipher their meaning until you felt the tip of his tail trailing above your slit, circling the tight ring of muscle.

“Levi, please-”You tried to plead with him, but before you could finish your sentence, his tail was breaching your ass.

“Begging for me already? You really are the perfect little kouhai.” He ignored your struggling as he pumped his tail in and out of you, going further with each pass.

"Please, it hurts, Levi!" You cried out. Levi chuckled, realizing his guess was correct: You hadn't been taken there, not yet.

"Call me your senpai, and I might listen to you." He mocked, "But since I'm such a nice senpai, I'll help distract you from the pain until you get used to it. The hand on your spine heated, and you tensed for the pain you knew was coming.

It seemed even worse this time, the pain traveling through your spine and spreading to every nerve throughout your body. You faintly recognized the moans drifting through the air as Levi's as your body tightened and locked up against the pain.

Marked, again.

At least Levi was true to his word, once the burn subsided, all you could feel was the bursting pleasure of Levi’s tail rubbing the thin tissue separating it from his cock pistoning in your heat. It was overpowering, feeling both at once. Each thrust made you more sensitive, and you could feel your mind start to fade as his dick and tail worked in tandem.

“S-Senpai, please.” You had finally broken, bending to Levi’s will. Anything to get you just a little further, to let this pleasure finally crest.

“Such a good little kouhai, cum for me.” He purred in your ear, spurred on by your words. He thrust into you mindlessly, losing himself in the tightening in your cunt. With a press to the still tender skin of your lower back, you came, clenching so sweetly around Levi’s dick that he had no choice but to follow you over the crest.

He panted on top of you for what seemed to be hours. “My heart is beating so fast. You’re so cute like this, begging for me.” He talked about you like you were one of his idols, cooing over your every reaction. You felt exhausted, your limbs not responding to your urge to make them move. Levi seemed to prefer this, posing you on his lap when he plopped onto the couch as if nothing had happened. He fixed your hair and outfit with tender fingers, wiping your face until he deemed you satisfactory. Your stomach turned as he fidgeted with his DDD, opening the camera to snap a few pictures of the two of you in your cosplays.

You only hoped that no one noticed the fucked out look on your face, and that the cum you felt seeping onto your thighs wasn’t visible.

taglist: @marvel-imagines-yes-please @johannakhalafalla

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stanharu · 3 years

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beastars episode 23 thoughts!

some of my favorite scenes from this arc are in this ep so i've been real excited for it

this episode was super fun. as i said, its filled with some of my favorite scenes from this arc & ive been super excited to see them animated, and i dont think the anime disappointed when adapting them. this week's ep covered chapters 82, 88, the latter part of 89, 90, 91, and part of 92.

The ep opens with the moth scene, and i really loved it. I really enjoyed the way the anime adapted the part when legosi has the bug in his mouth and he's like narrating his experience of eating a bug lol. i think this whole scene was very well done and i cant wait to show it to my friends when the dub comes out lmao.

my one gripe about this scene is st i mentioned last week, that the anime made the bug eating gouhin's idea instead of legosi's. legosi is known for having unique and strange solutions to problems so in making this gouhin's idea you lose a bit of that legosi brand weirdness lol. there's also a tie-in with legosi's past and his fixation on bugs but since that got cut from this seaon it got cut from this scene too. rip.

next i wanna talk about dressgosi. a lotta ppl were worried that it'd get cut but i figured it wouldn't be. i think the anime really knocked this scene out of the park as well!!! the music. everyone's expressions. legosi's flasetto voice. all amazing lmao.

it's been known that louis hasn't been very expressive outside of going >:[ most of this season, so i'm really glad that he got to emote more in this scene. his expressions were great. i cant put screenshots of all of them here bc there's a limit to how many pics you can put in tumblr posts djlskjdlkfjsdf

when ur idiot boyfriend is back on his bullshit

i liked how they did the splitscreen so we could see legosi, louis, & ibuki's reaction's/thoughts to the whole situation lol

the way legosi's heels echo as he leaves the bar is so funny to me. A+ scene.

after this scene it's new year's eve, the night of the fight. personally i wouldve like a bit more of a buffer before actually getting into the new year's fight, but with all the rearranging and pacing issues of this season it can't really be helped that it turned out this was. it's not that big of an issue imo, just a personal preference.

we get this anime original scene of pina and riz meeting up, i think to give some plot coherence with all the rearranging the anime is doing. i think it was a nice addition.

scargosi is HEREE YEAH!!!

also!! it seems like melon & sebun has cameos in this ep 👀 rly hopin this is a sign for s3. tbh i noticed sebun on the first watch but didnt realize melon was there too until other ppl pointed it out lol.

now, im sad the anime took out legosi's new years call with haru, she already has so few moments in this arc and taking one of them out really sucks imo. but i saw some ppl suggest their phone call may be moved to next week's episode, so im gonna hold out hope that that turns out to be the case lol. also i am OBSESSED with legosi's lock screen 😭💕

they are so cute 🥺

now... it's here. the tunnel scene. i feel like the lead-up to this scene was a bit rushed. imo louis' "i like carnivores" line happened so suddenly, and didnt have the same impact as in the manga. altho to me louis' lil inner monologue about how he actually likes carnivores seemed a lil gayer lol so i still enjoyed it quite a bit.

i also rly liked louis' expressions in this scene, the way he looked/moved when he was talking about how legosi might die had me like 🥺

worried about his wolf bf

i also really liked the contrast of these two shots. ibuki towering over louis, looking large and imposing, and louis looking so small in comparison, having to look up at ibuki.

i wanna hold off my final judgement on the tunnel scene itself until we get to see the conclusion of it next week, but so far i think the anime is doing fine adapting it. i am a bit sad that it isnt playing out exactly the way it did in the manga but im curious about how it'll play out in the anime. on one hand i wanted more of the dialogue and all the buildup from that scene before the gunshot happened but on the other hand ending the ep w/ the gunshot and then the ED immediately starting was devastating and im sure it was even more devastating for anime onlies who finally made sense of the ED in this ep.

overall i loved this ep and im so excited for the last episode next week. we've got about 5 chapters left of this arc to be animated and it's gonna be such a Ride. im just hoping the anime can pace it out well.

#beastars #beastext #we're IN IT NOW YALL

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animebaby00 · 3 years

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I Don't Deserve It: Chapter 2

Summary: When Shoto gets a nasty stomach bug, Izuku stops at nothing to help and take care of him.

But Shoto can't help but wonder...

Why?

(Link to Chapter 1) ⬇️

Shoto wasn't sure if he was actually awake the next time he opened his eyes considering that when he did so, it was oddly dark in the place he currently resided. He had to blink a few times and weakly rub at his eyes to help his vision become accustomed to his surroundings. But even after doing so, he still wasn't sure where he was.

Upon casting his eyes to the right, he could see the thin outline of sunlight coming from between a pair of closed curtains. He felt a soft weight on his legs and torso from what he could assume were sheets and maybe a few blankets. But everything else looked a blur.

In his best attempt, he tried to focus on the events from earlier. He had woken up, feeling absolutely terrible, and that in itself hadn't changed. Shoto could still feel the underlying pressure of a headache pounding in his temples, his skin still felt sticky with sweat, his body felt like it had been trampled by a stampede of elephants, and his stomach was tight and queasy.

And it was then the moments in the bathroom slowly began to enter back into his mind.

He remembered collapsing against the sink, how nauseated he had felt, and how his body simply wouldn't listen to him as it completely gave into the last thing he had wanted to do. He had collapsed by the toilet, waited those few last agonizingly anticipated seconds before everything he had eaten the day before came back up in a half-digested mess.

Shoto couldn't exactly remember the last time he had thrown up. The last memory he had was when his father had punched him in the stomach due to weakness. Though the feeling had felt somewhat the same, it also carried many differences.

The the quick puddle of bile that had left his body in comparison to the painful dry heaves, the chills in comparison to the tears, the fearful, small frame of his mother buy his side as his father barked orders for him to get up in comparison to...the warm hand he had felt on his back while another hand kept his hair away from his face.

The person that had actually...helped him.

Midoriya.

A sound that was an odd combination of a groan and a scoff left Shoto's throat. How could he let himself get to this point? Sure, Midoriya had helped him in the past, but that had been during situations that were near the serious point of life and death. Not a stupid little stomachache.

That at least he would admit, as Shoto didn't know many people who threw up from a fever. But even so, this was not something he needed help with. He'd been enough of a burden in the past and he'd rather lose a finger than be one again.

He gathered up as much strength as he could and hoisted his body to sit up from what he could assume was a bed due to the soft, plush feeling under his legs and torso. However, just like that morning, his body disagreed with his movement as a sharp pinch of dizzying pain shot through his head while at the same time, an unsettling wave of nausea bubbled over in his stomach. The combo of both made him grimace rather loudly, and with his perfect luck, a person emerged from a door located across the room right after his sound of discomfort.

"Oh, Todoroki !" A voice said, their tone sounding highly relieved. And it was then that Shoto identified the person as-

"M-Midoriya…?" He rasped. Good god this throat was dry. It sounded like it had been rubbed raw with sandpaper, but thankfully, Midoriya didn't fret over it.

"I'm happy you're awake." he said, thumb flipping a light switch on the wall as he walked over to his desk. He had something in his hand that he placed down on the wooden surface, something that Shoto couldn't recognize before he turned his head, a soft smile on his face, "I was really worried about you earlier. How are you feeling?"

Shoto disregarded the question, and resulted in asking one of his own.

"How did I get here?"

Shoto noticed his friends' slight flinch, "Oh ! Yeah, I imagine you were probably a little confused. Sorry about that." he sheepishly scratched the side of his face and turned back around. Shoto furrowed his eyebrows from the sudden dripping sound of a liquid as Midoriya continued talking.

"After you threw up in the bathroom, you passed out and I wasn't exactly sure what to do. I decided to wait for a few minutes, hoping that you would wake up, and I got scared when you didn't. Luckily, Kirishima and Tokoyami came into the bathroom shortly after. I told them what happened and then they helped me clean you up and take you back to my room to rest."

Shoto's eyes widened.

His classmates...saw him ? In such a weak state? No...how could he have let this happen? How could he be so...so..."

"I-I have to go…" Shoto uttered quickly, maneuvering his body to stand up despite the twisted feeling in his stomach "N-now."

"Oh, to the bathroom ?" Midoriya inquired, turning around hastily with a worried look on his face, a wet rag in his hand, " Do you feel sick again ? Here, let me help-"

"No !" Shoto exclaimed. He inhaled a panicked breath in through his nose, head throbbing so badly he thought it would burst, " I- I need to leave. We have class and training and-"

"Hey, don't worry." Midoriya moved closer, hands raised up in a calming manner with the wet rag still dangling in the crease between his thumb and index finger " I already asked Kirishima and Tokoyami to excuse us for today. They'll get us the assignments we missed and we can make them up later. Everything is fine."

Shoto's pupils dilated to the size of the tip of a toothpick. No. No. Everything was not fine.

"I-I can't Midoriya...I can't...I have...to-"

He tried to stand, but just like earlier, his body acted completely against him and he stumbled forward.

"T-todoroki !"

Midoriya acted upon instinct and lunged forward, rag falling from his hands and caught Shoto's limp body in his arms, easing themselves down to the ground.

"W-what are you doing ?! You have to take it easy !" He exclaimed, leveling Shoto so that his back was laid up against his bed. The sick male was breathing heavily, skin prickling once again with sweat and an uncomfortable heat. Midoriya laid his hand on his forehead again, a heavy frown on his lips.

"Your fevers up again...come on." He urged softly, "You need to get back in bed."

Shoto moaned through his lips with full intent to battle against the demands he didn't want to succumb to. But even thinking about getting up again caused his eyes to shut tight due to the excruciating, throbbing pain in his head, crossed over with another, familiar…sickening feeling. God, please not again.

He tried to quell it, deep inhales and exhales through and out the nose. But he knew deep down it wasn't going to work. It was coming too quick.

"M-Midoriya…" he whispered, teeth gritted.

His answer was quick, "Yes ? W-what is it?"

"I...I need the…" he swallowed thickly, "the...mmph!"

Shoto pitched forward, hand over his mouth, and Midoriya's eyes widened.

He knew exactly what was about to happen, and if he didn't hurry…

Green irises darted around his room until they landed on the small waste bin sitting in the corner. He moved so quickly in haste to grab it, one would have thought he was using the speed of One For All, but it was simply just to ensure he could aid his sick friend...and so he wouldn't be scrubbing out his carpet for an hour.

And he was just in time too, because almost as soon as he placed the bin under Shoto's chin, a wave of vomit spewed from his mouth in a violent gag and splattered into the bin.

Shoto duo colored hair fell into his face the moment he buried his head into the hollowed plastic, his only care at the moment being to pitifully give into his body's demands and rid himself of the toxins that had taken him over.

He had been sure that his bout of vomiting from earlier was the end of it, thinking it almost impossible that his system had anything else to rid itself of, but he was sadly mistaken. Bile and chunks ran passed his lips in an endless cycle, on replay, in a painful manner that tipped his mind in thinking it wasn't going to end.

However, just like before, that tiniest bit of comfort came forward in the gentlest of actions that though Shoto deeply appreciated, wished didn't have to occur. Midoriya's hand on his back, rubbing circles into his shoulder blades, whispering hushed and soft words of comfort into his ear while his other hand combed his hair away from his sweaty face.

This felt worse than earlier. He had had more in him the first time, leaving less room for empty gags and dry heaves, but this time, he was taken over with dry coughs and mouthfuls of stomach acid as his chest heaved with painful gasps from the relentless pulses of his stomach. No doubt the dry heaves were the worst, each one making him feel like his stomach and intestines were in his throat, close to coming out through his esophagus in a vile heap.

Thankfully, things started to slow down after about five minutes, and Shoto was finally able to pull his head up from the bin without fear of his stomach acting against him. A soft voice flowed through his ringing ears immediately after.

"Do you think you're done ?"

Shoto caught the slightly worried look on Midoriya's face out of the corner of his eye.

"Y-yeah…" he mumbled lowly, "...F-for now…"

Midoriya nodded, setting the waste bin aside, "Okay...here, let's get you up and back into bed."

He extended his arm with intent to assist his sick friend, but was shocked when his arm was pushed away.

"S-stop. I c-can get up by myself."

Midoriya opened his mouth to speak, but he hesitated, and watched with saddened eyes as Shoto gave a very weak attempt to heave himself up. His movements were deathly slow, cautious, as if any extra motion would trigger another episode. He exhaled a small, shaky breath and rested his forehead on the edge of Midoriya's bed, eyes half lidded in utter exhaustion.

Then, using his forearms he tried to pull himself to his feet, but his muscles ached and burned when he moved. He couldn't even get onto his knees.

Midoriya couldn't take it anymore as he scooted forward and put a hand on his friends' back.

"Hey, come on...that's enough. At least let me help you up. Take my hand."

Shoto shook his head as he once again declined "No. I-I'm fi-"

"But you're not, damn it!"

He turned his head, vision wavering as he set his eyes on Midoriya's face. Though he had sounded mad, his expression wasn't angry. It was more a cross between concerned, confused...and hurt.

His lips were pressed together thinly, eyebrows were furrowed, and his green irises were glazed over with additional emotions of something close to fear and bewilderment. His lips loosened themselves in preparement to speak, his next words sharp in tone, almost demanding.

"You're not fine. And I'm not going to sit here while you say otherwise, Todoroki. You're clearly not well and I'm not sure what it's going to take for you to see that. But I know I can. You're sick, and denying it and me won't do anything ! So please…" he grabbed Shoto's wrist, green gaze piercing into his.

"Let me help you."

Shoto blinked slowly, his foggy mind doing the best it could to process each word and syllable Midoriya said. Something became activated within him, a feeling of some sort, one he's never felt before.

The feeling that someone actually cared about him and his well-being. There was a person who wanted to set aside their time, when they could be doing a plethora of other things instead, to help him.

It put a warm, fuzzy feeling in his chest, and he wasn't sure if he liked it...or hated it.

Clearly, he wasn't going to get anywhere, as he knew Midoriya to be very persistent. So with a sigh of defeat, he closed his eyes and let his tired body go slack, allowing the freckled boy to move closer to his side.

He felt an arm envelope itself around his upper back, while his own arm was positioned to drape around Midoriya's shoulders for added support.

"On three okay ?" Midoriya confirmed, taking the answer of Shoto nodding against his collar bone, "One, Two, Three…"

With a gentle heave, Midoriya was able to get Shoto on his feet, though his knees were bent and his legs were trembling underneath him like a toddler learning to walk for the first time. His balance and strength were gone, his energy was totally diminished. By the time Shoto was leveled on the bed and his head was resting on the pillow, his consciousness had faded into an oblivion just like before.

Midoriya grabbed the blankets that had been pushed to the end of the bed from Shoto's movements and proceeded to cover up the sick boy to hopefully rid him of his body's shudders and occasional shivers. And while doing so, he was really able to see fully just how sick Shoto was.

Even in the dim room, Midoriya could make out his pale face, it's usual warmer tone gone save for the flushed red splotches on his cheeks and across his nose. His skin was shiny with a new layer of sweat, likely caused by his radiating fever.

His fever.

Oh ! The rag !

Midoriya turned around and grabbed the rag from off the floor that he had dropped earlier from when Shoto had nearly collapsed. He walked over to his desk and submerged it once again into the cool water, squeezed off the excess, and folded it to fit on Shoto's forehead. Once at his side, Midoriya carefully swept his red and white bangs aside and set the fabric against the male's heated skin.

He let his hand linger, moving to feel Shoto's scalding cheek with his knuckles. He was burning up.

The shock of cold to hot must have triggered something in Shoto's troubled rest, for his eyebrows furrowed in clear discomfort. He mumbled something incoherently and subconsciously pressed his face into Midoriya's hand, desperate for comfort in his fevered state.

Midoriya frowned. Seeing Shoto like this...made him feel absolutely terrible.

This wasn't the Shoto he knew, even despite his illness.

He had helped him before, during the incident with Stain, during some drill in class, even with simple stuff like homework

So...why was this any different? Why did he seem so hesitant and so...ashamed?

He had a lot of questions, but they would have to wait. He didn't want to impose so much on Shoto right now, especially in his state. That was the last thing he needed.

Midoriya looked at the spoiled waste bin next to his bed.

He had other things to do.

His arm extended to grab the bag lined rim of the plastic container, and once it was in his possession, he proceeded to his bathroom to clean it out, leaving his sick friend to get some additional much needed rest.

#bnha #my hero academia #boku no academia #shoto torodoki #sick shoto todoroki #izuku midoriya #caring izuku midoriya #vomiting #fevers #sickfic

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writers-thoughts09 · 4 years

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True Mind, True Heart

Act 1 Chapter 1

Title: True Mind, True Heart: Act 1 Chapter 1 Word Count: 9.6k words Pairing: Zuko x Oc (or reader, however you wanna look at it) I zon’t own Avatar Rating: PG, sometimes I’ll sprinkle some 13 to add some spice ;) Warnings: PTSD, a wink of abuse of power (not caused by Zuko, though I am using his season 1 roughness. I won’t make him abusive in this story, we don’t vibe with that). A/N: I’m baaaack, sorry for any grammar errors and taking so long. I really wanted to make sure I was getting what I wanted to get in with purpose. I started it a few weeks before Zuko spots the avatar, but I still go through episode 1. Enjoy please like and comment if you wish. Next chapter is based off episode 2′s plot.

|Prologue| 1 | 2 |

Act 1: Salvation

“Sometimes life is like this tunnel. You can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place.”

- Iroh

Panda Lilies. One of the rarest flowers in the Earth Kingdom. Grows only on the rim of volcanoes, usually found on Mt. Makapu, and holds deep meaning. Although its black and white color is simple, panda lily petals are as soft as velvet. Its stem is such a vibrant green I’m sure it’d rival the Earth King’s jewelry and robes. Even though it may not be the most unique in appearance, for some reason I can’t help but find it enraptures me. So small, rare, fragile even; but enduring…

As a child, I always wondered what panda lilies meant. I’d often see my father come home with it behind his back after a long trip from the northern Earth Kingdom to surprise my mother. He’d present it to her in such a way it reminded me of Chan -the little five-year-old that used to live next door- childishly. My father had such a child-like admiration for my mother. I always found it comical, and sometimes a little embarrassing with the things he’d do for her attention…even though they were already married. Yet my mother would always gasp in delight, smile, take the flower from him, and plant a panda lily of her own on dad’s lips. A kiss. She'd do this every year when he’d bring one home.

Yeah, my dad said let’s set the standards uncharacteristically high for the other people back in our town.

Of course, as I grew a little older, I finally understood the meaning behind panda lilies. It was a symbol of the love my dad held so deeply for my mom. I guess over time, even after they married, my father never lost his passion for her. To me that’s beautiful.

Usually, the flowers are used to win the hearts of those we have affection for. A crush so to speak. So, it was like my dad used the flower’s tradition to tell my mom every year, “Hey, I loved you then, I love you now, and I still want your heart.” Did my mother know this? Yes. She was actually the one who told him about those flowers in the first place way before I was born. Did she play along with my dad’s antics? Of course, because she loved him just as much.

I wish I could go back to when times were simpler, brighter. I wish I could go back to when my mother would teach me about flowers and the other nations. I wish I could go back to when my father would tell me about the different elements of bending. I wish I could go back to before-

Knock

The sound of knuckles rapping on metal echoed around her quaint quarters as a curt voice jarred her from her thoughts.

“Servant girl, where’s the general’s tea? He’s already above deck waiting!”

Two hands scrambled to shove everything away under her mattress. The journal she used to write in, along with the ink and brush that she, borrowed, one night from a crewman’s room while everyone was above deck. With everything hidden, Lila scrambled up from the edge of her bed and rushed to the door with shaky hands. Tanned fingers strained as they jerked the heavy hunk of metal open and came face to face with none other than Lieutenant Jee, a senior officer on this ship. The tall man held nothing but a frown on his face as he looked down at her.

Lila thought back to her first few days aboard, she considered him to be middle-aged by the state of his graying hair. A good few feet taller than her. An accomplished military man he was…and an accomplished singer too. Though she doesn’t dare tell him the last part.

As the lieutenant stared her down, expression unreadable, Lila couldn’t help but curl in on herself. Her good eye staring up at him sheepishly as he huffed out an unimpressed sigh.

“General Iroh’s been waiting for ten minutes now. Hurry it up if you know what’s best for you.” It was meant as a warning, and Lila knew better than to take her time and make the General wait any longer.

Quickly sliding out of her room, the door shutting behind her with a loud slam, and into the dimly lit hallway the girl squeezed out a, “Yes, sir I’ll get to the tea right away”, and hoped her words sounded as firm as the lieutenants. Though the only indication she got was the quirk of an aged brow before he swiftly turned away to walk back up the stairs that led to the main deck. No doubt to tell the General that Lila was on her way with his tea. Once the lieutenant was out of view, Lila spun on her heels and borderline ran through the dingy halls to get to the kitchen. All the while praying her tardiness wouldn’t result in any form of punishment; even though she’s never been on the receiving end of one during her time on this ship.

As she rushed through the halls of the ship's lower deck Lila knew it wasn’t the lieutenant or any of the other crew members that intimidated her. It wasn’t even the General. If anything, General Iroh was the nicest one to her compared to the others here. No, it was the person in command of this ship who truly frightened her. She’s seen the intensity of his rage when directed at his men many times throughout his three-year search for the Avatar.

Although he wasn’t much older than her, he still carried himself in a way that you wouldn’t think of him as someone younger. In Lila’s eyes his mere presence was imposing and domineering enough that she thought he could pass as a Fire Nation General. Maybe even an Admiral. A force to be reckoned with. Although he was exiled, he didn’t look at all like a banished prince.

All Lila knew was that she didn’t want to start slipping up now. From what she experienced firsthand, the Fire Lord’s family and his military were truly terrifying.

When her boots rounded the corner to the kitchen’s entryway a stifled gasp flew from her lips as crewmen, specifically the firebenders, ambled out of the mess hall. The majority of them shoving past her without a second thought, knocking her off balance, their heavy fire nation armor clanking as they passed. Swiftly but awkwardly Lila caught herself from falling. Her back bumping the wall as her hand latched onto the door frame. After the last helmeted soldier left, she righted herself and set off to brewing Iroh’s usual. Jasmine tea. Once she was in the kitchen, she gently set down a pot of water to boil as her good eye ringed with a dark circle glanced about the empty kitchen.

Deeming the area fully empty, broken fingernails ghosted over the cloth covering her other eye. Memories from long ago, ones she didn’t want to remember forced their way to the forefront of her mind.

Visions of fire.

Men in red uniforms.

A burning house invaded her thoughts.

Until the image switched as she remembered the Palace Gardens along with a girl dressed in fire nation clothing and forehead tattoo. She was hurling bursts of flame after flame, cackling as a young Lila ran through the fire lily bushes screaming crying out-

“Stop it.”

The one-eyed girl whispered. Shaking her head, jagged fingernails toyed with the edge of the cloth.

Just like that, like dunking someone in cold water, Lila resurfaced from her haunted daydreams once she heard the boiling water bubble and hiss for her attention.

“Oh my goodness!”

With her seeing eye, Lila snatched the pot of water, grabbed a clean teapot from the dish rack and hastily prepared the rest of Iroh’s afternoon tea all in one motion. This was all routine for her, except today she was late. Now panicking, Lila arranged everything on a serving tray and scurried as fast as her legs would allow without spilling, or worse, dropping anything.

The sound of her baggy uniform pants rubbing together and her dark boots tapping against the metal floor could be heard as she raced through the torch lit corridors. Past her sleeping quarters, and up the main flight of stairs leading to the ship’s main deck.

“Oh spirits, I’m extremely late!” Lila anxiously cried to herself as she slinked up the last few steps, forcing her rushed pace to a normal walk. On this ship she always had to make sure she kept her composure around the others. A habit she developed from her service in the Fire Lord’s Palace.

When she came out into view on deck, the afternoon sun shined brightly over her features. If it were any other place besides the south pole Lila would’ve appreciated the sun’s warmth, but it wasn’t. The subzero temperature seemed to overpower the sun as the cold hugged her through her heavy servant garbs anyway. A slight shiver crawled up her body after a particularly strong gust of southern wind blew past.

With her head bowed Lila made her way toward Iroh and his pai sho table. The old man was seated in the middle of the deck observing both his game and the banished prince’s training. Peeking up to look a few feet past Iroh, Lila caught sight of prince Zuko and the men he trained with. Another shiver traveled down her spine. One of fear.

Judging by his lack of clothing and sweaty face, the prince seemed to have just finished his training session once she walked on deck. Prince Zuko grabbed a towel from his uncle and wiped down his face and chest. Without sparing anyone a second glance prince Zuko marched off toward the command tower, barely brushing Lila’s shoulder as he went. Memories of her tardy punishments given by her last master flashed by. However, when prince Zuko didn’t stop to question or berate her for her late appearance, Lila released a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

Once certain that prince Zuko was completely gone and she wasn’t in trouble, Lila continued walking and closed the distance between her and General Iroh. Once she reached the old man’s side, Lila bowed in respect, a few wispy curls tumbling from her bun as she kneeled beside him. As always, every day for the past three years, the chubby man welcomed her with a bright smile and boisterous laugh. Now Iroh was a pale portly man with long grey hair and bright amber eyes to complement. Even though they never properly talked, he was always kind in greeting whenever he saw her around.

“Ah! There you are, I wondered where you were. I was scared you got lost on the ship.”

Knowing that Iroh was joking, Lila cracked a carefully practiced smile as the old man joyfully laughed.

“No, no, I didn’t get lost. Though please accept my deepest apologies, I hope my tardiness didn’t upset you, sir.”

Professional and sweet her words were, but rehearsed in nature. Iroh could tell, but he watched with kind eyes anyway as the young girl placed his tea on the table with steady hands. He was pleased to see she didn’t tremble near him like she did with his nephew. Unbeknownst to the blinded girl, prince Zuko’s uncle always noticed her reactions when it came to the boy. He’s always wanted to know why she’d become so small and nervous every time Zuko was near; but he knew better than to out-right ask.

The retired general quickly took a sip from the cup she placed before him, the wondrous taste of jasmine tea dancing along his taste buds. This girl knew how to make it just how he liked it!

“You know Lila, that is your name, right?” Iroh questioned casually. The young girl stiffened in response as she awaited his next words with bated breath, “after three year of being on this ship together, we have never really sat down and talked over a nice calming glass of your tea.”

Still kneeling, Lila released a breath in relief and couldn’t help but look at him with slight confusion but quickly remembered her place and schooled her expression into poised neutrality. She glanced down before murmuring, “Well, with all due respect sir. I’m a servant placed on this ship by my master. I didn’t think it was expected of me to dine and drink with you and your men.”

Remaining quiet Iroh regarded her as he took another sip. To Lila, it seemed her answer didn’t satisfy him as he shook his head in disagreement. Afraid she spoke out of turn, Lila fidgeted slightly with the empty tray in her hands.

Remember your place.

Mentally shaking the voice from her head, she began to rise from her spot beside the general. Before she could fully stand, Iroh’s voice cut through.

“Of course, it’s expected of you. You are important to this ship, just like how prince Zuko and his men are important to each other. Every person on this ship has a purpose and a duty that benefits us all. Just as you have yours. But before you go, sit. Have some tea with me, you deserve a moments rest.”

Her eye, ladled with exhaustion, widened in surprise at his bold comparison between the prince, the crew, and herself. Especially prince Zuko. All she did was fulfill orders and make sure everything on this ship was clean. Lila was nowhere near as valuable as the Prince of the Fire Nation, banished or not. Years at the Caldera Palace has surely taught her where her place was, and it wasn’t on the pedestal of fire nation royalty.

Even with that reminder, it didn’t stop the dust of pink from tinging Lila’s ears while she adamantly refused his words, “Sir, you mustn’t say such things-”

The retired military general smiled, kindly interrupting the stuttering girl’s babbling, “Please, sit. I’d be graced by your kind presence if you’d give an old man like me some company on this lovely day.”

Seeing that Iroh wasn’t going to relent, Lila let out a small sigh and sat on her knees before him on the other side of the pai sho table. Back straight and hands polieltly placed on her lap. Over the rim of his teacup Iroh peeks at her and couldn’t help but feel pleased. Like a chink in a wall, a little part of her mask breaks without her even noticing.

Once fully situated across The Fire Lord’s brother, Lila couldn’t help but still feel incredibly small and vulnerable. Never in her life has she ever been requested to sit with someone of such high nobility before, as equals, even if they were banished. For a while, they sat in complete silence. An awkward one on Lila’s end and a serene one on Iroh’s. Lila watched as Iroh wordlessly played pai sho and sipped his tea. Crisp south pole air blew past every now and then, gently running through Lila’s dark curls like invisible fingers. Genuinely the girl was at a loss of words so she stayed quiet and waited until Iroh had something to say, chosing to watch the tall walls of glaciers slowly drift by. While Lila was distracted by her captivating surroundings, Iroh threw back the last of his tea like nothing and let out a loud long sigh of satisfaction.

“So,” He chirps, “Where are you from if you don’t mind me asking?”

Remember your place

“Well, I come from a small town near the Fire Nation Capital and served the Fire Lord and his family growing up,” Lila responded without missing a beat. Though she doesn’t miss Iroh’s unconvinced look as he cocks an eyebrow at her. Lifting the teapot, he pours himself a second cup.

“No offense, but if you’re going to lie, at least make it a little more believable. Not laughable…although some good lies are pretty funny…” he quips. An aged hand coming up to stroke his chin.

‘He caught my lie,’ defeat briefly colors her face and Lila wonders if it’s okay to take off her mask, even if it’s just for a moment. Can she trust him?

“General Iroh-”

“Just Iroh or uncle Iroh is fine, I’m retired. You don’t need to keep formalities when you’re with me,” the old man laughs as he pours a cup of tea for Lila. The warm assurance Iroh gives off disarms Lila, even if she didn’t want that to happen, allowing her to relax just a little more. Her mask slipping from her fingers.

“Okay…Just Iroh,” Lila teases.

It came out a bit awkwardly, but she peeked her eye up anyway to gauge his reaction at her failed attempt of a joke.

However, she’s pleasantly surprised when she sees the stale joke earns her a guffawing laugh and she had to fight off the beginnings of a grin that wanted to push past her lips, “why do you want to know?”

“Just curious, but since you asked,” passing Lila her cup Iroh playfully narrows his eyes, “you don’t look or sound like you’re from the Fire Nation capital. Don’t get me wrong you’re a very beautiful girl,” Iroh clarifies, “but your facial features are different from the people in the capital. You also have a slight accent. Not only that but Lila isn’t a name commonly used in the Fire Nation.”

As Iroh spoke, each sentence had Lila’s eye lower, all the way down to her cup on the table. This man figured her out in a matter of seconds! To Lila part of her felt embarrassed for thinking she could out-smart a military leader. Retired, but still. An experiensed military man no less.

Though she knew he didn’t mean any harm by what he said. He claimed to just want her company, and she was trusting that he only wanted to get to know her. No one has done this with her before so this was new territory, and Iroh has never given her a reason to fear or distrust him before during these three years, so she decided why not? And let her mask hit the floor. She looks at Iroh and he catches her good eye soften.

Words roll around her head for a moment before speaking, “My mother was born in the Northern Water Tribe, but she left. In her travels she met my father who lived in a small town not too far from Omashu. They married a few years after meeting. My dad really helped her out when she had nothing and no one to help her.” Iroh’s lips curled up into such a wide and infectious smile at the girl’s words, and funnily enough Lila found herself mirroring him, too.

“Wow, that is wonderful! Two completely different people, from completely different parts of the world meet and fall in love. That’s rare,” Iroh gushed as he teasingly added, “On top of that they made such a soft and gentle spirit too!”

Giggles, that were actually quite loud, erupted from Lila as she flushed at this witty old man and his compliments. “How do you know I’m soft and gentle?” She asks, taking a large gulp of tea, the warm brew filling and puffing her cheeks. Slowly she guzzles it down, cheeks deflating, before adding, “I could be really mean in reality.”

Golden eyes worn with years of life crinkled in amusement at her newly surfacing playfulness, “I have been around for many years. You can tell when someone has a genuine spirit and when someone doesn’t. You, miss Lila,” said girl freezes at the respectful use of her name. No one’s ever used ‘miss,’ or her name, at all when talking to her, “have a very soft and sprightly spirit, when given the chance to bloom,” Iroh declares with satisfied finality. To show he was set on his opinion, Iroh sat with his eyes closed, blocking out any protest Lila might’ve had as he reverently drinks his tea and moves a pai sho tile.

‘Miss Lila’ in turn sits in stunned silence, her brow deeply lined with thought and her mouth agape. Genuinely she couldn’t see what he saw in her but didn’t have the heart to correct him. It’d be futile to argue against him and win. So instead, she shyly thanked him, and awkwardly filled her cheeks again with more tea to distract herself.

For the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening, as no one seemed to need Lila’s assistance, she got to know her first friend since little Chan from her village. They went back and forth talking about many things. Lila discovered that during his younger years Iroh learned and observed techniques from the waterbenders which in turn helped enhance his firebending. He regaled her with many stories of what he learned and how he learned it. A smile etched deep into Lila’s face as she tried to absorb everything he was saying. It was heart warning for Lila to see someone from another nation appreciate her mother’s culture. She also found out that he’s a decent tsungi hornist and can’t tell the difference between certain tea plants and the poisonous ones.

Iroh learned some things about Lila, too. He discovered that she had vast knowledge about plants and flowers from all over the world. Even the ones about tea! Thanks to a book about flowers her mother gifted her as a child. He also found out that under her pillow she keeps an earth kingdom bracelet her father made and can play the kalimba. They even taught each other songs native to their nations. Both of them found such wholesome companionship with each as other they kept this up every day for a few weeks during Iroh’s afternoon tea.

One day as the two friends sipped on a new tea Lila decided to try her hand in making, ginseng tea, Iroh decided it was time to discuss his nephew. However, the tea was too good for him to just leave it half finished. ‘I’ll begin once I finish this cup,’ he said to himself. So, they sat together in comfortable silence. In the background the rowdy voices of the ship’s crew could be heard, they too took a moment to relax from today’s work. Prince Zuko seemed to be on edge more so than usual so the men were taking in all the peace and quiet they could from their makeshift break.

Back to the main pair though, the clink of Iroh’s teacup being set on the table barely registered in Lila’s ears. She was currently taken by her surroundings as she watched a piece of ice fall from a passing glacier. A chilly breeze brushed and caressed her cheeks. Usually she’d shiver at the winds touch, but it seemed that over the past few weeks of Prince Zuko navigating these waters, the southern climate didn’t seem to bother her as much anymore. It was still cold though.

Feeling ready to talk Iroh clears his throat, “You know, I don’t really think you have much to be afraid of when it comes to my nephew Zuko.”

In an instant Lila’s revere for the beautifully cold landscape is broken as she meets Iroh’s steady gaze in surprise and discomfort. This was definitely a topic she wanted to avoid.

“I know Zuko is a very coarse person and rough around the edges, much like the rocks back home. But he really isn’t as bad as people make him out to be. Though he may be banished, he is still very honorable,” and for a moment Lila sits there taking in his words. She didn’t really know what to make of it. Her perception of the Prince vastly opposed Iroh’s. Although she understood why Iroh would say that about his nephew, he did seem to have a love the boy. Lila tries to muster the courage to say something but again she hears that voice,

Remember your place

Echoing in the back of her mind. After moments of her struggling to gather herself and Iroh waiting patiently, Lila stammers out, “Sir, I assure you I’m fine I do not fear-”

To which uncle Iroh chooses this moment to remind her, “Lila, you don’t need to be so formal with me, nor do you need to hide yourself. You know me. You can tell me how you really feel.”

Again, she hears that same phrase, remember you place, but louder this time attempting to drown her out. She tries to push back a little harder so the voice would go away, but to no avail. Lowering her eye in submission, specks of brown glinting in the sun’s rays, Lila quietly chokes out, “I shouldn’t say anything at all negative…concerning the Fire Lord or his children. Whether they are banished or not,” the rehearsed tone Iroh heard when he first spoke to her returned. The man could clearly see the internal struggle warring within her. The deep line crinkling between her brows, the downturned tilt of her lips, to the flicking of her eye as she couldn’t look at him dead on. It was like he was watching a two headed viper fight itself.

Choosing to divert his attention to his game he allows Lila the time she needs to fight the thoughts that overshadowed her. Once he noticed she’s calmed down a little he quips, “But, I’m not the Fire Lord nor am I the Fire Lord’s child.”

“I know,” Lila squirms a little and averts her gaze to her hands, “but you are the brother of fire lord Ozai and the uncle of prince Zuko. It would be rude of me to say anything negative about anyone from that family…and I don’t want to get in trouble with prince Zuko.”

Taking in the sight of his friend, her fingers fidgeting softly, Iroh gently counters, “I just want to know how such a soft and gentle soul like yours, has become so scared and broken.”

For a while, Lila sits in hesitant contemplation. Many times, and many ways Lila has only tasted pain and hurt her entire life. One of her eyes has complete loss of vision for goodness sake! No one ever bothers to give a passing glace to those seen as lesser than themselves. To peasants like her. No one cares for little servant girls…but Iroh does. Iroh, out of every person she’s ever met in the fire nation, has been the first and only one who’s truly treated her like she’s worth more. Worth more than a servant. Iroh always treated her like a human and a friend. In his eyes, she is a friend. Iroh is, someone she can trust…regardless of his bloodline. With that, her mind was made up. Like a baby bird spreading its wings to jump, Lila opens her mouth to speak – but closes it and freezes once she spots prince Zuko emerge from his quarters. The usual fire nation uniform adoring his body.

Red uniforms.

Just like that, the flower that Iroh saw trying to bloom, closed in on itself once more.

Saddened by the state of his friend, amber eyes close as Iroh shakes his head. Looking at his last pai sho tile he places down the fire symbol. ‘How ironic’, Iroh thought.

Finished with his game Iroh looks toward his nephew, a wide goofy smile now replacing the disheartened look before.

“Hello nephew, nice of you to join us on this lovely day! The sun is out, a nice breeze is blowing. Miss Lila here has even made a new delicious tea for me to try today, you should have some.”

Unphased by Iroh’s excited suggestion, prince Zuko maintains a cold and silent expression. As he makes his way next to his uncle his sharp gaze cuts through everyone on deck. Immediately his crewmates stop what they were doing as Zuko examines each person, silence being the loudest noise on the ship. Once his glare shifts to Lila for a moment her eye darts away, avoiding eye contact.

Prince Zuko then begins barking orders at the crewmen who were idling about. “Lieutenant Jee, care to tell me why all of my men are not where they’re supposed to be?”

Sensing the rapidly brewing eruption that was about to explode, Lila cautiously rose from the little table she and Iroh occupied. Yeah, she fully intended to creep away from the banished prince’s tirade and busy herself with work, until she felt a calloused but tender hand hold hers. Her eye shot to Iroh as he encouragingly motioned for her to sit back down, “If my nephew really needed something from you or felt like you weren’t doing your job right, he would’ve said so already. You’re okay, either way you don’t need to do anything until dinner time…which is in another hour.” He stated smugly. After those weeks of getting to know one another Iroh memorized her schedule like the back in his hand. Lila knew Iroh again wasn’t going to let her win this round, again, so she slowly sat down.

Once prince Zuko was done ordering -well more like yelling- at his men to get back to work he looked at his uncle, completely ignoring Lila, and rigidly mentioned, “If you need me uncle, I’ll be in my room meditating.”

“Good, good! Practice your breathing, it’ll help you with your control.”

Judging by the upturned eyes and smile Iroh gives his nephew, completely disregarding his attitude, Lila could tell he held a deep love for the prince. For her, she didn’t hold any of that. Prince Zuko was part of fire lord Ozai’s family. She just didn’t understand.

Then just before he turned away prince Zuko’s piercing gaze finally caught Lila’s as if finally realizing she was there.

“You. Servant girl”, his voice was hard as stone. His inflection unwavering and clipped, while hers was wavering and small.

“Yes?”

With prince Zuko’s attention fully on her, Lila’s brown eye flitted between his intense stare and her hands. The discomfort of being trapped under his gaze grew too much for Lila as she squirmed and tried to keep the fear from taking hold. He only acknowledged her presence, that’s it. ‘I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong today’, she rambles to herself, prattling off anything she might’ve done for him to call her name in such a way.

Cutting through her mental check list, terse words, “Get. To. Work,” are spat from between the prince’s teeth. His scarred face now inches away from her. Up close Lila could vividly see his raised skin, burnt red and irritated, marring the left side of his pale face. The disfigurement of the scar left his eye squinted in comparison to the other eye. Thoug she had to admit, the eybrow that wasn’t burnt off was perfectly arched. Within his amber gaze, Lila could see the anger that always seemed to linger there. However, she knew better than to test his already thinning patience.

With a breathless, “Yes sir,” Lila clambers to her feet, collects Iroh’s tea set as fast as she could and rushes away from the two. Heart pounding within her chest. Faintly, she could hear Iroh complain to prince Zuko about how he didn’t need to scare off his friend and how he should’ve tried the tea she made. To which Zuko yelled, “I don’t care! She doesn’t get special treatment just because she made you tea!” That, she heard loud and clear.

Lila powers through the corridors below deck and even though it’s an hour early she decided that she might as well help the chef prepare dinner since she did all her work earlier. This time as she rounds the corner, teacups clanking with every footfall, she smoothly side steps any shipmates that may be bustling out of the kitchen. ‘Don’t want a repeat of before,’ she notes to herself.

Upon entering the kitchen, she sees the chef and he raises his knife in greeting before continuing with the meat cutting. Last week prince Zuko docked at a nearby harbor to restock on any necessities the crew might’ve been running low on. Specifically, hygienic items and food supplies. “Servant girl!” the chef calls, keeping his eyes on the task at hand, “You’re just in time. I need you to start on the rice.”

Offering a timid smile, which he didn’t notice, Lila carefully placed the tea set in the sink, rolls up her sleeves and stands beside him to start on the rice. Like clockwork they quickly but efficiently finish dinner for everyone on the ship, with Lila scooping the last bit of rice into bowls to deliver to the prince and his uncle. Soon enough the rest of the men file in for dinner. Lila attempts to give one last smile to the chef, which again falls on blind eyes, before tiptoeing out of the now lively kitchen and right into lieutenant Jee.

“Lieutenant Jee!” Lila gasps in startlement, “I’m so sorry I didn’t see you there!” She bows as best as she could while balancing the two trays of food. Jee waves it off with his hand, “You’re fine, just be careful next time.”

As he starts to make the line for dinner Lila haltingly calls his attention once more, “Um, mister, Lieutenant Jee, sir…” he hums. “Just to be sure, do you know if the prince and his uncle are in their rooms? I don’t want to be late again, especially with prince Zuko.”

“Yeah, last I checked that’s where they were.” Jee dissmisively responds before laughing with the other men at a joke the chef said. Lila’s presence completely ignored.

Laced with a hint of despondency, Lila whispers, “Thank you,” and continues her trek up from the lower decks, up onto the main deck, and to the command tower. All the while balancing the two hefty dinner trays. The tower was where those in charge slept. Reaching her first stop, Lila found herself in front of prince Zuko’s room. She began to feel her hands shake and quickly but carefully placed Iroh’s dinner tray down by the door. No way did she want to drop anything in front of her leader’s door and really risk getting punished for the first time. Reigning in her nerves Lila breathes out deeply and knocks.

No words of entry could be heard.

Trying her luck, she knocked harder one more time but still received no answer. Usually on any other day he’d call for her to enter and she’d place his food on his table, but this is the first time he hasn’t responded. Which leaves Lila at a crossroad. She wasn’t really sure what to do, she didn’t want to leave his food outside, but she didn’t want to just barge into his room. His privacy. And anger him. Then again, standing in front of his door doing nothing wasn’t going to solve anything either.

“I guess we won’t know until we try,” she sighs wearily.

The door squeaks as she apprehensively opens it and cautiously peeks her head in. The room is in its usual state, clean and very minimal. No elaborate decorations, just a few fire nation banners on the wall, a mattress in the corner of the room, a weapons rack, and a rug. The only time Lila would go in the prince’s room was when she’d do her daily cleaning rounds and food deliveries, like now. Then, her eye catches sight of him with his back facing her. Candles sit in front of him on the table, the flames rising and falling with every breath she hears him take.

“Prince Zuko?” Lila slips a foot past the door as she shakily squeaks, “I have brought you your supper, do you want me to place it where I usually-” a loud huff escapes prince Zuko’s mouth, flames shooting up in tandem sharply.

“If you wish I could come back later with-”

“You really seem to have forgotten your manners, haven’t you? I’m meditating.” Prince Zuko drawls, irritation filling his voice as he maintains his meditative position. Lila stares at his back in puzzlement, she didn’t mean any disrespect to her prince, she was only doing what she thought was right in this situation.

Even though Lila knew prince Zuko couldn’t see her she still bowed her head in apology, rushing out, “Please forgive me my prince. You didn’t answer when I knocked, a-and I didn’t want to leave you without food-”

Like a bomb, prince Zuko’s aggravation toward her initial interruption and her rambling explodes, “I don’t care as to why you felt the need to come in my room unannounced! You see I’m in the middle of something, and just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean you can start talking like I gave you permission to, when I didn’t! I’m not my uncle. You’re a servant, remember your place!”

Lila stands in stunned silence at Zuko’s verbal barrage, she was doing so well with her streak of staying on his blind side. Although she knows his words are nothing compared to what he’s said and done to his other men, tears still flood and gloss over her eye. Violent scenes she repressed played through her mind as clear as day. Mocking her.

Remember your place

Remember you place

Tears of pain and anguish flow down her burning cheek. The intensity of the man’s punch could still be felt as she cradles the side of her face. Sobs heave from the little girls mouth as she watches the flames engulf her home. When suddenly a large hand yanks a fistful of her hair. A shrill scream ripping through her busted lips as he drags her closer to the carnage he and his men waged. All dressed in red uniforms. She could hear her parents yelling her name from somewhere afar, and she tries to tear away from his grasp to find their voices. Though the vice like grip in her hair harshly jerks her head back, causing the girl to whimper in pain.

“Ah! Mommy, daddy! Where are you?” She can’t see them, but she could hear them fighting in the background. The sound of the other men in red wrestling with her parents could be heard too and it amps up the fear seizing her heart.

Tiny nails dig into the hand on her head, scratching and hitting the with all her might to escape. Though her attempts failed as she is aggressively thrown in front of the burning house, the heat of the flames licking for a taste of the child. Suddenly a blood curdling wail, that could be heard all around her terrorized village, shreds from her raw throat as searing pain erupts all throughout and within her eye. Vision becoming an all-consuming black.

The words, “Remember your place, you little brat!” Are roared in her face.

Finally, the tears silently bubble over her cheeks like a stream of water. Stifling any noise, Lila bites her lip and bows deeply, even though prince Zuko barely gives a sideway glance over his shoulder.

“I am, so, sorry my prince,” she chokes out hoping to the heavens above that he wouldn’t punish her or hear the strain in her words. She can’t be crying like a fool in front of her leaders, that’s not what she was taught. Serving was what she was there for, nothing else. Her master before made sure she knew that. Swallowing all the sobs she could without a sound, Lila carefully places his food by the door and quickly leaves shutting it with a soft click. All the while a slight frown could be seen on Prince Zuko’s lips. He caught sight of the tears falling from her eye.

Outside Lila takes a few deep breaths and leans against the door, the muscles in her lips twitch as she tries to stop the upcoming torrent of tears; but the dam breaks. Smothering her mouth with the sleeve of her shirt, her other quivering hand covers her face. Lila starts bawling. Muffled sobs and gasps wrack her body as her eye squeezes in grief, hot tears spilling even faster. Now it wasn’t necessarily Zuko’s words that made her react like this, even if they were hurtful. It was what he inadvertently triggered. Memories too painful that she didn’t want but was forced to keep. After a few minutes of her trying to keep her mourning silent, she hears a door creak up ahead at the end of the corridor. With hitched breaths Lila drops her snot and spit stained arm as the hand covering her face quickly retrieves Iroh’s forgotten dinner tray. It was a little cold, but nothing a firebender couldn’t handle. Lila sniffles and schools her features back into a poised appearance and continues to her last stop. A trail of quiet tears streaming in her wake.

Upon reaching Iroh’s room, Lila wipes off any evidence of her crying and knocks on the door. This time around Lila hears a tired, but nice beckon to enter. Opening the door, she sees Iroh sitting on his bed and he beams at the food Lila has in her hands, until he sees her face. As quickly it appeared his smile is gone as he takes in her damp sleeve, tear stained cheeks, runny nose, and wet eyelashes. Iroh had an idea of what might’ve happened.

“Sometimes, life can be like a hurricane. It’s harsh and unforgiving at first, but they always end and the sun shines after. No matter how bleak the storm looks.”

At that, Lila breaks down again. Crying all the while, she fully enters the room and places her friend’s food on his bedside table before rushing to hug him. As she engulfs him, Iroh gently rocks her from side to side, rubbing her back. The motion reminds Lila of her father when he’d rock her to sleep, her arms tightening around Iroh. She missed her dad deeply. Softly her old friend began to sing one of the songs he taught her a few weeks ago.

“Winter spring, summer, and fall. Winter spring, summer and fall. Four seasons four loves, four seasons four loves.”

Although his voice wasn’t perfect, it still pulls Lila to join in, sniffling. Iroh’s voice strong and comforting, while Lila’s was weak and quiet. They sing it a few times until Iroh sees her tears and hiccups slow.

Feeling slightly better, Lila breaks from the hug and sits a few feet from Iroh.

“Thank you. I really needed that,” she croaks and rubs at her teary eye. The patch on her other eye was pretty damp so she knew before bed she’d have to clean it.

“Of course. As your best friend it is my duty to make sure you’re okay and laughing.” To which Lila giggles.

“How about this?” Iroh offers, “I tell you more about what I learned from waterbenders and you teach me more about the flowers you know?” Lila tiredly nods in response; her crying drained all her energy for the day. The two friends share dinner at Iroh’s behest, saying how she shouldn’t skip her meals, and chatted for a few hours. They talked about flowers, tea, and history -mostly Iroh teaching her what he knew- until Iroh noticed how exhausted Lila was and urged her to get some rest.

The next day was like any other day for Lila. In the morning she’d wake up at dawn, do her shower routine, clean her teeth, and tend to her eye. After that she’d set off to make breakfast with the chef for all of the shipmates. Deliver breakfast to Iroh and prince Zuko, and luckily for her today the prince wasn’t in his room. She only found a note that said he wasn’t hungry. Then once all the men were at their usual posts Lila would go ahead and tidy up all their sleeping barracks. By the time she’d be done with cleaning everyone’s rooms she’d have an hour or so to herself, which was filled with journaling or writing all Iroh has told her about waterbending, until she had to help prepare lunch. After she’d finish that, there’d be a fifteen minute window of nothing to do before Lila would make Iroh’s afternoon tea. Which was what she was doing right now.

Again, like before, Lila make her way from the kitchen, through the corridors, past her room, and up the stairs to get to the main deck. However, instead of sitting across from Iroh Lila places herself next to him as he greets her with a joke. Thankfully he doesn’t mention what happened last night as they laughed and talked as they usually do. Today Lila was trying to explain the differences between the white jade bush and the white dragon bush to Iroh. The white jade bush being a poisonous flowering plant. During her explanation, Lila couldn’t help but notice Iroh somewhat dazed off, and she snorted as she thought, ‘I really hope this doesn’t bite him in the butt’ when a question flickered in her. Checking her surroundings to see where prince Zuko was, she saw him a good few feet away facing the front of this ship. The scarred boy looked to be distracted with his own thoughts, so Lila figured it be now or forever hold her peace.

“Hey, uncle Iroh?”

“Hm”, he grunts, liquid gold eyes ever so focused on today’s particularly tricky game of pai sho.

Lila’s already soft-spoken voice lowered to a whisper, “Why did you agree to go with prince-”

Unexpectedly, from far away, a huge ethereal beam of light shoots up into the air, cutting through the sky! The beam cast a blue shadow over everyone and everything in the south pole, blue ripples rippling across the sky. Lila literally falls back in wonder from what she’s witnessing at this moment. No one on prince Zuko’s ship has ever seen anything like this during their three year search. When she looks to see if anyone else is seeing what she’s seeing her eye catches the banished prince’s reaction. Prince Zuko himself is also snapped from his own thoughts by the sight of this strange but amazing light. His jaw dropping in awe, but realization dawns as his features shift to one of aggressive determination.

“Finally,” he growls. Turning to Lila’s companion, who’s surprisingly unphased by what just happened, prince Zuko continues, “Uncle, do you know what this means?” His words seemed to be filled with something akin to…dare Lila say, hope? Desperation?

While keeping his eyes on his pai sho table Iroh asks, “I won’t get to finish my game? And Miss Lila won’t finish telling me about the…what was it called again?” Being in such close proximity to the prince after what happened last night, Lila wasn’t sure if she wanted to answer with him so near.

However, Prince Zuko answers for Lila declaring that the beam of light means his search for the Avatar it about to end. Though not sharing the same optimistic thought as his nephew, Iroh shakes his head and places down another pai sho tile. Still unwilling to relent, Zuko points to the shinning beam and snaps,

“That light came from an incredibly powerful source! It has to be him!” Looking back, he sees the light disappear, causing the blue shadowing that was cast over everything to disappear as well.

“Or, it’s just the celestial lights,” Uncle Iroh suggests, lifting his arm to the sky with a tile in hand to further prove his point. “We’ve been down this road before, Prince Zuko. I don’t want you to get too excited over nothing.” The absent-minded tone is apparent in Iroh’s voice although he means well. He’s just looking out for his nephew. For Lila, well she had a whole cauldron of mixed feelings. If that light really was from the Avatar then they could all finally go home. She should be happy, right? Three years of searching finally over. Except, she has no home, all that’s there waiting for her in the fire nation is a cold and malevolent palace. Nothing good was waiting for her there.

Again, Lila is pulled from her thoughts by Iroh, “please, sit. Why don’t you enjoy a cup of calming Jasmine tea Lila so kindly brewed?”

Like an awkward, and slightly uncomfortable middleman, Lila’s honeyed eye worriedly gauges Prince Zuko’s increasingly riled posture. Her eye slowly shutting to a cringe; she could tell the prince was about to explode from the continuous dismissal of his claims.

She was correct.

Prince Zuko barks in exasperation, “I don’t need any calming tea! I need to capture the avatar!”

As he ordered the helmsman to set a course for the light, Lila withdrew back to her thoughts. In a small way, she kind of understood why he was being so snappy. Though his attitude was usually foul. Still, he’s trying to go home after three years of banishment. Everyone on this ship wants to go home. Even if she had no place to call home, Lila could empathize in a way with why he’s so rude, and somewhat desperate, when speaking to his uncle the way he does. The Avatar is his ticket home.

Suddenly the wind picked up, whipping the dark hairs that fell from Lila’s bun. Turning to Iroh as he puts down his last pai sho piece, an air nomad symbol, Lila can’t help but blurt, “What does this mean?” Her words uneasy as she watches Iroh imploringly. Brown eye dancing over his form.

Iroh turns to her and gives a meaningful smile before laughing out, “It means our days of tea and pai sho together are coming to an end.” Lila looks on in confusion, “It’s almost time for you to help with dinner. Go, and make sure you bring some roasted duck for me tonight!” He jokes.

Later that night Lila finds herself repeating the same delivery process as before, rushing up the main deck and to the command tower. However, when she goes to knock on Iroh’s door she sees him coming from around the corner, “Oh uncle there you are. Where were you?”

“I was just coming down from the observation deck trying to tell Zuko he needs rest. Of course, my brooding nephew wouldn’t listen.” Iroh sighs dramatically as he walks to his door. However, all Lila can think about is the discomfort she feels with the possibility of being alone with prince Zuko again…and the stairs she has to climb to reach him.

“B-but, that’s a lot of stairs though…”

“Ha! How do you think I feel? An old man like me shouldn’t have to do workouts like that anymore!”

Iroh smiles when Lila giggle in response. Opening his door, he turns to his friend and gently takes his dinner tray bidding her goodnight. Left alone Lila continues her walk to find prince Zuko. “Up the stairs I go…”

By the time she reaches the observation deck she’s winded and breathing a little deeper. Her heart felt like a drum about to beat out of her chest, she did climb like four flights of stairs. Leaning against the opening of the door to the observation deck, she sees prince Zuko there with a simple night robe draped over his sleeping attire. He stood alert and focus despite it being dusk. Unlike him everyone else was getting ready to retire for the night. A little hesitant to address her presence in fear of repeating what happened last night, Lila waits for the scarred prince’s permission to let her speak. A few minutes pass and a breeze flows by, stray pieces of curls tickle Lila’s neck as the prince still stands in silence.

“Pardon my intrusion prince Zuko, but it’s dinner time and I have your food ready for you…”

Looking over his shoulder at her for a moment he simply rasps out in a gruff voice, “I’m not hungry…” before continuing to watch the darkening horizon.

“But, you haven’t eaten anything today, are you sure?” Regardless of the fear prince Zuko strikes in her heart, he’s still human and needs to eat.

Again, like yesterday an aggravated and abrupt huff leaves his mouth as he deeply drawls, “What, did I just say?”

Wanting to avoid another outburst tonight Lila timidly stammers, “You’re not hungry…” as the feeling of embarrassment from being talked to like a child washes over her.

“You may leave my presence.”

Lila turns and was about to head back down to the kitchen before a thought struck her. Quickly but silently she takes the bowl of rice and the bowl of roasted duck meat and pours half of it onto the serving tray, before leaving it near the doorway. That way if prince Zuko changes his mind the food will be there. Satisfied with herself, Lila walks down to the now empty kitchen, grabs a pair of eating utensils, and eats what was left in the bowls. “Well I’m not letting the food I made, which I know is good, go to waste,” and the food really was good too.

Once she was done eating, Lila washes the tray and grabs a cup filling it to the brim with water. Double checking the empty kitchen Lila carefully makes her way to her servants quarters. She takes gradual and slow steps in order to keep the water from spilling over.

In the safety of her room, Lila closes the door with her foot and nimble fingers lock it behind her. She sets the cup down in the middle of her room and goes to get the journal she’s been writing in from underneath her mattress. Lila pulls out the journal and returns to where she placed her cup. Sitting down with her legs crossed, she flips to the pages filled with information she wrote from the times Iroh would tell her about waterbending. Lila takes in a deep breath, holds it as if she were underwater, then slowly exhales through her mouth. Closing her eye, her hand reaches up and unwraps the cloth covering the other side of her face.

The cloth falls in Lila’s lap as her hand hovers over the cup of water, beginning to practice her waterbending. Although as she tries lifting the water from the cup Lila feels no connection to the energy inside of her. Her control is weak and shaky as the water spills over. Shutting both eyes Lila tries to concentrate harder, but all she can see are the memories from her past burned deep within her mind.

Fire

Screams

Laughing

Fingers

Eye tattoo

With a shuddering breath Lila drops her hand and sighs in disappointment.

Remember your place.

The next morning Lila is on the main deck with Iroh, Prince Zuko, and some of his men. At Iroh’s invitation Lila watches as the prince does his firebending training, though she didn’t know as to why he wanted her there. The young servant had a very deep fear of fire, every blast of fire prince Zuko or his firebending companions made, memories of that little girl in red would flash by. Screams of her younger self and cackling of the little girl ring through her ears. So, Lila stood by the railing of the ship a few feet behind Iroh, not too close to prince Zuko and his fire but not too far in case they needed anything. With her eye on the ground Lila watched in fascination of the elongated shadows the morning sun created around her, until she heard Iroh begin to lecture prince Zuko on his firebending.

“No. Power and firebending comes from the breath, not the muscles,” Iroh clarifies. It’s clear there’s a tinge of stress in his words as Zuko failed to truly grasp what his uncle was trying to say.

“The breath becomes energy in the body,” Iroh continues and begins to demonstrate each point of his explanation, “the energy extends past your limbs and becomes fire!”

Lila gasps at Iroh’s last demonstration. A strong but controlled and precise stream of fire shoots from Iroh’s fist at prince Zuko who stood unflinching. The fire dissipated inches from the prince’s face. At the sound of the small noise Lila made, Zuko’s eyes flicker to hers for a quick second before settling back on Iroh. She could see how the prince’s muscular shoulders began to tense as he walked menacingly toward his uncle, so she tuned out the impending argument and turned to look over the ship's railing. The morning rays glistened over the water lapping at the ship below, creating a lovely twinkle. The shimmering water looked like diamonds to Lila as she mulled over the words Iroh tried explaining to his nephew.

Vaguely she could hear him call his nephew impatient in the background, but Lila’s mind was still committing what uncle Iroh said to memory, “patience,” she softly whispered to no one in particular.

Power comes from the breath…not the muscle.

Lila glanced behind her and saw that prince Zuko was still arguing with his uncle as some of the firebenders looked on. Zeroing in on the sea water once more, she suddenly felt a small beckoning from below…

Breath becomes energy in the body

With her hand extending over the railing, her heartrate picked up and her body tingled with nerves when she realized she’s really going to try this in front of firebenders. The ones who once tried to wipe out her people…but the push and pull of the water was too enticing, its seductive call too strong to ignore…

With a flick of the wrist-

The energy extends past your limbs and becomes-

Water!

Water shoots out in the form of a wave away from the side of the boat. In no way was it a large or impressive wave, it was actually very small. However, it was enough to make Lila laugh and light up in elation. A huge smile decorating her lips. A smile she hid behind her hands. However, when she tried to recreate what she did, nothing happened, the feeling…the connection, was gone. Her smile dissolved and fell, the light in her face dimming as she turned back to the men on deck.

Her honey colored eye widened in surprise at seeing both Iroh and Prince Zuko’s golden gazes pinned on her.

“…Um, hello.” Lila shyly breathed with a small wave of her hand. A twinge of fear twisted in her heart at the off chance of her getting caught waterbending.

“I was just telling my nephew how even you have more discipline and patience, and you’re not even a bender,” Iroh says bellowing a loud laugh. The imaginary weight on Lila’s chest disappeared as she awkwardly forces out a laugh too -in relief- before catching the sneer on prince Zuko’s lips. His hands closing into a fist, Lila was sure he probably didn’t like that comparison.

“I mean, but sir I’m just a servant it doesn’t matter what I have or don’t have,” Lila responds as she lowers her gaze. Iroh opened his mouth to object but the young servant girl beat him to it, “anyway, if you are in no need of assistance,” she casts a look between both Prince Zuko and Iroh, “I must go help with lunch. If you’ll excuse me.” Demurely Lila bows her head and turns to go.

With Prince Zuko was back to sparing with the other firebenders, Iroh took the chance to call out, “Wait.”

Lila turns and regards him curiously as he begins to pour a cup of water, “Here, have this before you go. You might need it if you get thirsty.” He carefully hands her the tin cup. It looked like it was about to overflow. Lila looks at him questioningly but all he gives her is a knowing smile that she couldn’t quite place.

Later, after she finished helping the chef with lunch, Lila made her way back to her room, the cup still in her hands. She only took one sip from it today, either way she was going to meet with Iroh for afternoon tea soon, so she didn’t think much about it. Once inside she sat at the edge of her mattress and placed the cup on the floor in front of her. Resting her elbows on her knees, she folds her hands and places them over her lips as she stares at the water. A thought struck her, debating whether or not she should try bending again.

“I shouldn’t, I can’t even properly control it!” Lila hissed to herself.

Until Iroh’s words about breath and energy filtered through the back of her mind. Then another image appeared. The image of prince Zuko meditating with the candles in his room a few nights ago. Releasing a sigh Lila gave in and sat on the floor in a crisscrossed position, straightening her back like how she saw prince Zuko do it. Like the night before, she untied the cloth covering her face and closed her eyes. The palms of her hands braced on her knees. Deep breath in, she inhaled, and a deep breath out, she exhaled. Slowly a sense of calm and peace crept over her. Concentrating on her breath and the energy inside that she couldn’t really feel yet. Lila repeated the technique over and over, and even though she didn’t see it, with every breath she took the water rippled.

Thank you for reading, let me know what you think in the comments. I hope you enjoyed it.

188 notes · View notes

caxsthetic · 4 years

Text

PHANTASM BLUES • Suna Rintarou x Reader x Kita Shinsuke

Episode 1: Hidden Feelings

Type: TV Series (Multiple Chapters)

Cast: Suna Rintarou, Kita Shinsuke

Storyline: There was no good ending when your heart was bound to love more than one. And up until now, you still asked the universe why you have been given such curse.

Genre: Slice of Life, Drama

His intonation started to go up, little by little, "(Y/n), why?" From his usual calm voice, turned into a painful shout, "Fucking answer me!"

The ocean breeze touched your skin as you stood on the balcony, a phone in your hand while your face was painted with a gentle smile, never once leaving. The white sand and gentle waves could be seen from where you stood, engulfing you with the feeling of home.

You were just done calling all of your family and friends, telling them about the bachelorette party that would be held in two days. Yes, in a few days from now, you would finally become his forever, bear his last name until the end of time.

In just a few days, you would finally become a Suna.

Placing your phone in your pocket, you let out a satisfied sigh as your eyes looked at the sight in front of you. Here you were right now, on the beach house that you bought with your lovely fiancé, the safe haven that the two of you created.

Remembering your fiancé, these past few days had been hectic. The middle blocker went to practice a lot since he had a tournament in a few weeks, making you to be the one who had to take care of the wedding. It burdened you a little sometimes, when question after question was being thrown towards you at once.

Every time you asked for his opinion, he would just say things like, "I am alright with anything." And truth to be told, it was something that made you contemplate things even harder. Because by then, with every single decision that you made, you didn't know if that was what he really wanted.

But even with all of the uncertainty that he put you through, a complaint never once left your lips.

From the very first moment, you knew that to be with him would mean sacrificing a part of your sanity. He was an unpredictable man; sometimes he asked you to just cuddle with him, telling you that you were his personal source of energy. Other times he would just walk past you after practice as if he lived alone in the house.

And for you, it was a price that you were willing to pay.

It was late now, so you decided to go back inside, searching for your fiancé in the house that could be filled with hundreds of people.

"Rin?" You called out as you walked through the hallway, but the only thing that answered your call was silence, "My love?" Your feet strode towards the whole house, searching everywhere until you finally came back again to the bedroom that you two shared.

The room was empty, and the bed was still tucked nicely from where you arranged it this morning, meaning that he hadn't laid down on it. You scrunched up your nose, wondering where this man could be at this hour.

Your worry was answered by an exasperated sigh that you heard, coming from the walk-in closet. You let out a relieved sigh, knowing immediately where your fiancé was. It wasn't hard for you after all to realise that it was him, since you knew any kind of sound that he emit.

Nine years. You had known each other for nine years. You could never forget the first time you laid your eyes on his figure.

He was so enigmatic, such a beautiful human being. And by just given the chance to meet him, you felt like it was a gift from the deity.

The Kyudo tournament would be held in a few days, and that meant you didn't have time to slack off. Every day, you would come home late, practising your shoots at the school's arena. Even if you were the only one who decided to stay up late, you were alright with it.

Today was the same, you were the last person at the club. It was around spring right now, and the night was cold. You walked through the school ground that now looked deserted. Not a single soul could be seen.

While you walked, you decided to open up the canned drink that you bought from the vending machine. But as you looked in your bag, it was no longer there.

"Oh, come on!" You were frustrated, wanting to taste the beverage that you have been saving for a walk home, "I swear to God, why does this happen to me?" And the fact that the closest vending machine was the one located near the volleyball gymnasium (the opposite of your club), made you groan even more.

You walked mindlessly with a pout on your face. It was freezing right now as the wind touched your skin, making you tighten the embrace on your body. When you were finally near the gymnasium though, you were surprised by the sound that you heard from inside.

Curiosity overtook you as you walked closer to the gymnasium door, mind no longer filled with the canned drink. You peeked inside, and the sight that you saw took your breath away.

A couple of students from your year that you knew well (from your friends who could never shut up about their handsome appearance), were shouting and moving their body to follow the ball that aired on the sky. Four of them to be exact.

You have seen them play, a lot of times already. Something that you loved about your school was how supportive each student was towards each other. Every match, no matter what club it was, your school would send a horde of students to give some support.

They all looked so majestic, playing with a smile on their faces as if they were in a different world. Every squelch of sound from the shoes, every serve that they did, and every shout they roared towards each other, it made you feel alive.

But then your eyes caught his movement. One that flows like he knew too well where the ball would go to, one that was so different compared to the others. When the rest of the team moved to follow the ball, he was there, moving in rhythm with it as if they were dance partners.

His gaze was sharp as he positioned himself near the net, ready to block the attack that his opponent gave.

Then again, no matter how perfect a dance was after so many practices, some flaws would be made.

He let out a hiss when the ball hit his little finger. Miscalculated, you assumed. Once his foot touched the ground, he looked at his calloused hand like a broken finger was so common for him. Maybe it was though, with how his friends were all just asking him without any sense of panic lingered on their voice.

"Oi! We ran out of tape!" One of the infamous twins shouted from the bench, hands wrecking whatever was inside the first aid kit to get some tape. But when he could not find any, he walked back to the court where his friends stood, "Shit, Suna, should we get some from the market or something?"

"Of course we should, you idiot."

And just like that the worried atmosphere that engulfed the gymnasium for a second, turned into a full blown fight. The spiky haired outside hitter could only facepalm himself when the twins started to do their daily fight, as if he regretted joining the extra practice that the setter asked them to do.

While the three of them were busy with their own bickering, the one player that was injured could only sigh and sat on the bench. Suna Rintarou, if you were not mistaken, that was his full name. The middle blocker of your school's volleyball team.

He sat there in silence, looking at his hand as he wondered how he could let such a thing slip. Getting lost in his own mind, he didn't realise as you walked towards him and put tape on the bench beside him.

His hair looked so soft, dark brown strands that were still neat even after hours practising. Then you cleared your throat, making him turn his face towards you in an instant. His eyes looked straight into you, a questioning look filled his small green orbs.

Only when you were that close to him did you realise how beautiful this human being in front of you. Your friends never shut up about the twins, yet rarely talked about the gem called Suna Rintarou.

You shot him a look before he could even ask who you were, reassuring him that everything would be alright as you held out your hand, asking for his injured hand.

"Give me your hand, I know what to do."

You walked towards the walk-in closet to check up on your fiancé. With every step that you took, the long sigh that he emitted sounded louder. It made you raise one of your eyebrows as he secluded himself like this.

He was fine this evening when he got back from the practice. The second you opened up the door he engulfed you in this tight hug, saying that he was tired and needed your company to recharge his stamina. So to know that he hid himself like this all of a sudden made your heartstrings tug with worry.

The door creaked a little as you opened it up and stepped inside the closet. The air was cold, and it felt like misery jammed the whole room with the air conditioner sending a shiver running down your spine. So cold that you subconsciously put your hand on your arms, trying to warm yourself.

Your eyes finally fell to the man that you swore you would love forever. There, sitting on the couch that was placed in the middle of the room, he had his back against you. He just looked up to the ceiling, staring into space as he was lost in his own thoughts.

"Rin," You walked up to him with a gentle pace, trying to make sure that you were not invading his privacy, "Why are you here, love? What happened?" His face looked a lot paler right now, green orbs that were usually filled with love and warmth were now only coated with glistening tears that seemed to stick on his orbs.

"Nothing." He looked up at you, swallowing a huge lump, "I am fine." With how long you have known him, you knew that he tried to hide things from you.

He was not someone that really loved to talk about things that bother him. When he had a problem, he just asked you to stay with him, nothing more, not even a word of explanation about why he became so gloomy.

You once asked about why he didn't like to share his burden with you, and his answer was actually simple — because he didn't want you to be worried about whatever was creeping his mind.

"You are not fine." So you always tried to divulge him that you were alright with that, "You wouldn't tremble like this if everything was fine." You were alright with him sharing the burden in his head, and you showed him by putting your hand on top of his, warming his cold skin with your heat.

"Nothing. It's just—" You peered into his face, thumb gently grazed the back of his hand, "I am upset when I know that we ran out of chuupet."

You got a little bit taken aback by his words, you blinked several times until the information finally absorbed into your mind. That was it? The reason behind him looking like someone just ripped his heart apart was just because he ran out of his favourite food?

The statement sure made you chuckle, he could be childish sometimes even as a twenty five year old.

"Goodness, Rin. Why don't you ask me?" You gave him a gentle peck on the lips before resting your palm on his cheek, snickering to know the reason behind his solemn look, "I always stock some in the pantry. Want me to get it for you?"

He nodded softly, afraid that him acting like this made you feel annoyed. But you were the one who volunteered yourself, and even if he was already an adult that could do things by himself, you couldn't help but like to satiate him with some little affection.

"Alright, wait a minute, okay?" You gave him your usual gentle smile before standing up. He nodded and sat down, continued to stare into space just like what he did when you first saw him. It made you frown a little as you walked out to grab some of his late night snacks.

"(Y/n)," Before you could close the door and turn around to face him, he suddenly appeared beside you and engulfed your torso with his, so tight that it was hard to breathe.

You wanted to tell him that the force was too much, asking him to ease the hug a little.

But you couldn't as your body felt how he was trembling by now. Your eyes widened, rushing your arms to wrap around him. It was so sudden, and the way he acted right now made your heart break into million little pieces.

This was the reason why you wanted him to share the burden with you, the sole reason why you wanted him to tell you all the things that were bothering his mind. Because he could be like this from time to time, acting like everything was fine while actually he was stressed to search for a way out.

"Please don't leave me," His voice cracked as he blurted out the words, "I love you, please don't leave me." He was someone who rarely said please. Always thinking that he sounded so desperate every time he said that (no matter how many times you told him it was a word of manners).

Then again, he was so desperate to make you stay, even if he knew that you wouldn't leave him.

"I would never leave you, Rin." You whispered softly, searching for his face, urging him to look at you, "I love you, you know that?"

"I know," He knew, he knew that you loved him, so much that even after all these years, you ended up choosing him, "And I love you," With all of my heart.

He started to relax after you pampered him with soft kisses and spoke with your gentle voice, kept saying things about how you would stay with him, as long as he wanted you to.

"Go wash yourself, then we can relax on the bed with a pack of chuupet, how about that?" You gazed at him with so much love that you always offered to him.

"Alright, no rush to get it then." He rested his forehead on yours, cupping your cheeks with his calloused hand. His green orbs looked so beautiful under the dim light, and it was the last thing you saw before he crashed his lips on yours.

The kiss was passionate, tingling your soul as he pushed you to the nearest wall, demanding as much affection as he could get. You whimpered when his tongue nipped on your bottom lip, and there was nothing else that you could do except parting your lips to let him in.

It was always like this. Every time he was at the breaking point, he would relieve it by releasing his lust. And you? You would succumb to his need until the sun greeted the two of you on the horizon.

But then he pulled away, turning his back on you as he escaped himself to the walk-in closet. You were too dumbstruck, everything was moving a little bit too fast to your liking. He was just there right in front of you, yet the next second he suddenly left you breathless; in a way that felt suffocating.

What he kept doing to you was not good for your heart — yet you stayed anyway.

You let out a long sigh, fingers fiddled with the ring that he gave you one sunny day. You and him, on top of the couch. Just a simple, "Marry me?" but the burst of feelings in your heart that day notifying you that it was all enough. It was all enough because it was him who said those words.

"Fuck," You slapped your own cheeks to bring you back to reality. Maybe the problem he had was just too much. Reminding yourself that he was probably stressed due to his own dispute, you decided to walk downstairs.

Silence consumed the entire space as your feet touched the ground floor. The breeze from the ocean waves slipped from the windows that you let open, made you feel like you were outside while you were standing inside.

You hummed softly, fingers tracing the kitchen islands as you brought yourself to the pantry. Unlocking the door, you pushed it open and went inside, eyes immediately scanning the neat shelves that were filled with snacks and ingredients.

"Where is it..." Muttering under your breath, you crouched down to open up some of the boxes, mind lingering to the previous events.

It was not like him to be like that. When he was stressed, his eyes would look tired or maybe annoyed. But when you recall the memories just now, the only thing that you could see from his green orbs were just pain. And it made you purse your lips, making you feel helpless.

Click!

You jerked your head to the door, raising one of your eyebrows when you heard something come from there. Abandoning the task that you had, you stood up and grip the handle, trying to open up the door. Once, twice, it was stuck, you tried to pull it with some force but it was no use.

"Rintarou!" Calling out for your fiancé, you were hoping that he would come down to search you. You were frantic by now, hands could not stop pushing the handle down, wishing for some miracle that maybe it would be opened.

But after a few attempts that you did, it didn't change the fact that you were locked inside the pantry, in the middle of the night. Though, your mind lingered with hope, since you were sure that your fiancé would search for you. Maybe it will take a few minutes, but he will-

"(Y/n)," You heard his voice from the other side of the door, feeling at ease because he found you in a split second, "I am so sorry," Yet the smile of relief that you had disappeared completely when you heard the tone of his voice.

"Rinrin?" Right now as you heard his melancholy voice, the only thing that you could think of was how to lift his spirit up, "What is it, love?" Your hand unconsciously trying to open up the door once again, "Rin, can you open the door?"

Sweats started to prickle on your skin, worried for yourself, and worried for whatever was lurking inside his mind at the moment. You wanted to see him, engulf him into a bear hug to calm him down. His voice filled with misery as he muttered your name before.

"Can we talk first?" You stopped trying to open the door by now, letting your hands fall to your side, "It will be quick, I just want to know something."

Your lips were dry from the cold atmosphere that consumed you. You wanted to beg for him to open up the door and talk whatever he needed to. But you were afraid that he wouldn't talk to you at all once his eyes met with yours.

"Alright, just tell me, Rin."

"Answer everything truthfully."

"Of course."

Silence filled the air once again as you stood there, waiting for him to emit words. You wonder what he was doing on the other side, wondering what kind of expression that displayed on his face.

"Kita-san." The name rolled down from his lips like a poison, as if the man who bore that name was bad news, "You remember him, right?" His voice sounded scarily calm, like he was so done by just mentioning that one person who was before everything — constantly became the hot topic that he never got tired of talking about.

And here you were right now, completely at loss. You were stunned, didn't know why the name that you let go a few years ago, started to crawl back in front of your eyes.

Just a few days, before you say I do.

"Of course I remember," You said softly, trying to arrange the right words, "He was your captain in high school, someone that you really admire, someone that—"

"—you really love."

He finished your sentence, as if it was the exact same words that you were going to say. You parted your lips, wanting to say that it was not what you meant, wanting to explain to him that he was wrong.

But every denial that you were trying to say, stuck in your mouth as if you were put in silent mode.

You swallowed a huge lump, easing the dryness that you felt as you tried to calm yourself down.

"Why did you ask me that, Rin?"

He knew too well about the relationship that you had before. The first ever relationship that everyone was always envious about. Your relationship with someone that he really respected and admired.

The love that you shared with the light grey haired man was something that everyone could call as pure love. The two of you were always there for each other without once falling apart, like a love story that one found in a children's book.

Your past relationship had been something that everyone wanted to have. There were never any fights, not even a day filled with rage. The two of you would always find a way out from your problem together, something that was rare to find in this world.

And then there was him, Suna Rintarou, the man who had your heart since the first time you saw him in your second year of high school. All of the students thought that you were always dating the middle blocker. But one thing that they didn't know, was the fact Suna always became a coward when it comes to your love.

"You didn't even try to deny that," He chuckled bitterly, and you could hear a thud on the door, making you know that he probably bumped his head on the hard surface, "It was never me anyways, I suppose."

When he received the call that day while he was away, he should have ended everything right there. He should not have continued the ritual that the two of you shared. Maybe, maybe if from the very first start he knew that you were in love with his old captain, he would not let his feelings for you grow even more.

After all, he had no right to stop you from falling in love with someone new. Someone that, on paper, was perfect, someone that would never make you feel sorrow, someone that Suna knew so well would suit you — even better than him.

And maybe he shouldn't have pushed himself too much, stretched his chance to have someone who would love him. To ask you, to be his. Begging for you to stay in his life instead with the man who would never treat you any less.

A selfish plea of him that he didn't know would shatter three souls.

"Rin, what do you mean?" You didn't know why the name was brought up in front of your face once again. Both of you knew that you already closed that chapter of life a long time ago, "What do you mean by that?"

But have you really closed that chapter already?

"You called his name in your sleep," His voice cracked as he remembered how you were fast asleep peacefully, "You called Kita-san last night." And the name that rolled down from your lips, "Why was it not my name? Why was it his name?"

His intonation started to go up, little by little, "(Y/n), why?" From his usual calm voice, turned into a painful shout, "Fucking answer me!"

"I still love him,"

"What?"

The disbelief could be heard from his voice. He knew that deep down, the only woman that he ever loved was never moving on from the past. But that doesn't mean hearing it right from your lips didn't hurt more than it was supposed to.

You answered him with the lowest tone that you could reach. There was no use for you to lie in front of your fiancé. You knew him like the back of your hand, so did he as he knew everything about you, even sometimes when you didn't even know yourself.

"You asked for it," Guilt and shame could be heard from how you spoke up the words, "From how you asked me like that, Rin, I know that you knew."

But he wanted you to lie. He wanted you to answer that you were thinking about some old memories, and just that. Not about your real feelings, he didn't want to know that. He knew everything along the way, about what you buried inside your heart.

He didn't need you to say yes to the fact that he was not the only one you loved.

"Then why?" He gulped down, clenching his hand into a fist as he stared at the hardwood door, wanting you to feel the pain that he felt, "Why were you stringing me along these past years?"

"Oh so now you're blaming it on me?" Shut the fuck up! "You were the one who begged for me to come back, Rin! Don't think you have the right to insult me like that!" Shut up, goddamnit!

You clapped a hand to cover your mouth, didn't believe in yourself from saying such spiteful words towards him, "Rin, I—"

"I'm sorry, love."

"No, no, I am sorry for—"

"I should have never come back."

He grabbed a duffel bag that was laying beside him. When he prepared some stuff in the closet this evening, he thought that he would not have to use it. Hoping that tomorrow morning, he would unpack it like nothing happened.

But right now, he realised that his relationship that he had with you had a countdown from the start. And he could not stretch it too much, no matter how many times he wanted to put a blind eye over this.

"Rin, let's talk." You hiccuped as tears started to run down your face, "Love, please open the door. I am sorry for never coming clean about this."

This was what you were always afraid of since you crossed paths with the gentle senior in college. This was what haunted you since you fell in love with someone else, yet never once falling out of love with the first man.

This was your nightmare, you faced it once, and you have to face it again. Only this time it was with Suna Rintarou.

"It was no use, (Y/n)." He took a step backwards, "We need to take a break from each other."

"No, Rin! Open the goddamn door!" You banged your fist into the oak wood surface that didn't even budge, "Rintarou, please... Just open the door."

He was just staring into the door, the one where you were standing on the other side. Debating what he should do next.

To have you in his life, even for just a moment, was a blessing to him. So maybe, two years having you in his arms was enough. Maybe, his time to be with you was already up — and it was time for him to be the one who let you go.

"I love you, you know that?" He whispered those three magic words like it was the last time he would ever say that to you, making your breath hitched "I promise I only love you."

That was the last words that you heard from him before silence engulfed you once again.

"Rin?" You called him out, in hope that maybe he was still standing in front of the door, "Rin!" But you couldn't hear anything. It was all too quiet, you couldn't believe that he left you here with the door locked.

The next thing that filled your eardrums was the start of an engine car, and you never felt as desperate as this while your mind frantic to search for a way out. Your orbs looked through all the things inside the pantry, and you lit up immediately when your gaze fell on the toolbox at the corner of the room.

With incredible speed, you opened it up and found a hammer there. This could do, with force, you tried to tear down the handle with it.

Tears blurred your line of vision as you realised what it meant for the two of you. Suna was stubborn, if he really did not want to meet someone, he could really disappear from their radar. And you didn't want to be the one he avoided in his life.

After a few attempts to annihilate the lock, it finally crashed down. With as much power as you could gather, you kicked the door from its place and ran as fast as you could towards the terrace.

No, you had sacrificed a lot of things to be here with him. You chose him, you wanted to be with him. You would not let something that you had let go all those years ago jeopardize the relationship that could last until the end of time.

But as your bare feet met with the white sand in front of the house, there was no trace of him anymore.

Just like that, he left you to stand alone in the dark driveway.

For years you have tried so hard to never show him that you were still in love with another man. You understood well that you were the one who was at fault. It was something forbidden to exist in this world, to have romantic feelings for two different people.

Two people that apparently, always thought highly of each other.

It was a rare thing to happen in this universe. To love two people equally, to want them in your life forever without letting the other one go.

But in the end, society would ask you to choose.

And you chose Suna Rintarou as your endgame. Because deep down, everyone could know that he would be broken without someone anchoring his life. He knew, that with you, Suna could be the best version of himself.

Your breath began to get heavier as the realization dawned on you. He left, Suna had left you. He let you go, just like the other man had done so you could be with him instead.

You were not prepared to feel this again, you never thought you would have to endure the loss again, the same agonizing pain that you once felt.

He wouldn't be too far, right? Something clicked inside your mind as you still refused to believe that this is it. With a hurried pace, you ran back inside the house as you wanted to grab your car keys.

In a hurry, you stumbled on the wooden rung that was installed on the terrace, making you fall forward. And in reflex, you tried to grab the banister beside you.

But you were not fast enough.

Your head hit the ground with a loud thud. And in a second, your mind was detached from the rest of the world. All you could concentrate on was the pain rooted deep inside your head. The pain that felt like someone had taken a knife to your skull, multiplying the pain that your heart felt before.

It was all blurred as you tried to keep your eyes open. Everything became fuzzy as darkness started to engulf your vision. Your consciousness was floating through an empty space — filled with a thick static.

It was all too much, the pain that was fresh inside your heart was enough to make you want to just leave this world. All the guilt, all the heartbreak, you never wanted this curse, you would have never wanted to feel what love would be if the outcome was nothing but nightmare.

To love more than one person in your life.

To be given such things while you never asked for it.

To live knowing that your existence only brought doom.

You didn't want that, never wanted to be such a catastrophe for two people that you knew didn't deserve to feel this way. To love someone, only for her wanting the other to stay.

The last thing that you remembered before your eyes closed was a red liquid and the metallic smell that filled your sense. At the very end, all you could see was just black.

And if it became the last thing that you ever saw in life, then may it be.

Because maybe, they could live a better life without you.

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andrewmoocow · 3 years

Text

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 7: Rejuvenated (originally published January 18, 2021)

Author's Note: And so, we reach the penultimate chapter of Part 1! It was once stated that an episode featuring Rhodonite was in the works for Steven Universe Future where we would explore how her components met along with the debut of Morganite, but that was unfortunately scrapped because there was enough content to turn it into a whole two-parter, along with not heavily featuring Steven enough and not being relevant to Future's plot. Well, I'm gonna try and prove the Crewniverse wrong by condensing what they planned to a manageable level, and you will have to bear witness to it!

Synopsis: Peridot builds a device that tells how many times a Gem has been rejuvenated, and it reveals some shocking secrets about Rhodonite.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Matthew Moy as Lars

Enuka Okuma as Rhodonite

Kathleen Fisher as Fluorite

Erica Luttrell as Padparadscha Sapphire

Ashly Burch as Rutile Twins

Estelle as Garnet

Charlyne Yi as Morganite's Ruby

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pink Pearl/Volleyball, Morganite's Pearl

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Olivia Olson as Citrine

Patti LuPone as Yellow Diamond

Lisa Hannigan as Blue Diamond

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

And featuring Hayley Kyoko as Morganite

"Now then, you two, keep yourselves steady, in both body and mind." Garnet instructed Rhodonite and Padparadscha Sapphire in the ways of yoga atop the central tower of Little Homeworld. "It is of utmost importance to keep those instructions in mind in life."

"Okay, keep myself steady. Keep myself steady." Rhodonite nervously repeated her fellow fusion's instructions to herself. Unfortunately for her, she could barely keep the pose she assumed up. "Whoa! I can't do this!"

"You can Rhodonite, just relax your thoughts." Garnet continued teaching.

"Ooh, Garnet is going to give some excellent advice that could change our lives!" Padparadscha Sapphire exclaimed happily.

"Precisely." Garnet remarked to the defective Sapphire. "My teachings could help you in the long run."

"ATTENTION STUDENTS OF LITTLE HOMESCHOOL!" Peridot's nasally voice cried out, causing the two Off-Colors to lose balance and fall to the floor. "I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!"

"Even after two years of coming here, Peridot's voice still gets on my nerves a bit." Rhodonite muttered as she got up from her fall. "But don't tell her I said that!"

"And now Peridot is calling everyone because she has something amazing to tell us." Padparadscha stated. "What fun!"

"I'll take you guys down." Garnet declared before she grabbed the two Gems by the hand and raced to the edge of the roof.

"You know, we could just take the-" Rhodonite began nervously before the three Gems jumped off the tower. "STAAAAAAAAIRS!"

Garnet landed safely, yet dramatically, on the ground below, where many Gems gathered around Peridot as she began to demonstrate what she wanted to show them all.

"I would like to present a project that I've been working on ever since last year's Spinel incident." Peridot announced as a rod-like device emerged from her gem. "This is a Rejuve-Meter." She stated. "See what I did there? Anyways, this little gizmo works a bit like carbon daters here on Earth, and can help with examining how many times a Gem has been rejuvenated! Would anyone like to be a test subject?"

"Ooh, me! Me!" Teal Zircon exclaimed while raising her hand.

"I applaud your eagerness TZ." Peridot thanked the Zircon before scanning her with the Rejuve-Meter. The screen rotated through many possible numbers before it settled on 2. "Says here you've only been rejuvenated twice. What could possibly cause either incident?"

"It was a few honest mistakes, I swear it!" Teal Zircon revealed. "Cross my gem and hope to be shattered, the memories I make are all that mattered!"

"Okay then. Anyone else?" Peridot began looking around the huddled Gems before she spotted Volleyball among them. "You there, come on down!"

"Oh, me?" Pink Diamond's former Pearl gasped as she stepped forward.

"Yes, you." Peridot grinned before scanning Volleyball with the Rejuve-Meter. Compared to TZ, Volleyball caused the device only to say 1. "Only one time?"

"My Diamond was playing with a Rejuvenator and got me reset by accident." Volleyball confessed. This seemingly offhand comment caused Rhodonite to freeze up at the mere mention of rejuvenation, like she was flashing back to a similar incident.

"Interesting, interesting." Peridot muttered as she continued scanning each of the Gems around her.

"Hey, Garnet, what's going on?" Steven asked, weaving through the crowd to greet Garnet. "And how did teaching Rhodonite and Paddy go?"

"It went well, until Peridot caused them to lose balance because she wanted to show off this new device she built in response to Spinel." Garnet explained. "She says it can help her scan Gems for how many times they've been rejuvenated."

"Uh, yeah!" Rhodonite laughed nervously. "W-what she said."

"Is something the matter Rhodonite?" Steven asked the Off-Color fusion. "You're looking real tense. Should I get Lars?"

"I feel like the idea of rejuvenation is making her skittish." Padparadscha pondered. "But, what do I know?"

"I feel like you might need some help." Steven encouraged Rhodonite as Peridot made her way to the two.

"Okay, according to the Rejuve-Meter, all the Gems present have been rejuvenated up to three times each. Nothing too severe." Peridot said. "Now, let's see how many times you were rejuvenated."

"No, I don't think that's really necessary!" Rhodonite yelped, but her urges proved fruitless as the Rejuve-Meter did its job, but the results it got were quite shocking.

"And your components have been rejuvenated….." Peridot paused for effect as she examined the meter and got quite a surprise. "My stars, SEVENTEEN TIMES?! HOW, AND WHY?!"

"I-I-I!" Rhodonite stuttered, when Fluorite and the conjoined Rutile twins came up to her.

"Is anything the matter?" the grandmotherly six-Gem fusion asked with concern in her slow tone.

"My sincerest apologies Fluorite." Peridot apologized to Fluorite. "It's just that I made this little device that allows me to discover how many times a Gem has been rejuvenated, and I think I may have accidentally made Rhodonite here uneasy about it since she may have been rejuvenated in the past."

"Oh, it's alright Peridot." Rhodonite said as she patted the little green Gem on her triangular hair with one of her small arms. "We know you didn't mean any harm."

"Besides, Rhodonite joined us because she was looked down upon for being a fusion between two different Gems." The left Rutile stated. "Especially her original owner."

"Which means she may have something to do with this." The right Rutile added.

"Yeah, it was a Morganite, right?" Steven asked, causing Rhodonite to nod meekly. "Well, looks like we're headed to Homeworld then!"

"Rhodonite has a problem, so we must return to Homeworld to solve it!" Padparadscha declared.

"I can't help it if I make a scene, stepping out of my hot pink limousine." Lars quietly sang to himself as he swept up the floor of his space-themed bakery. "I'm turning heads and I'm stopping traffic. When I pose, they scream, and when I joke, they laugh." His cleaning would have to wait when he heard the door open. "Ah, welcome to Spacetries. How can I help, Steven?"

"Hey Lars, long time no see." Steven greeted the pink teen as he entered the bakery with Rhodonite in tow. "We need to talk about Rhodonite. Peridot was showing off this little gizmo she built that made her super uncomfortable, and we think it may have something to do with when she was created on Homeworld."

"We believe it may have been caused by the Morganite who originally owned the Ruby and Pearl she's made of." Fluorite added. "Do you think she could still be around?"

"How should I know?" Lars asked while putting away the broom and taking off his apron. "Most of the time I spent on Homeworld was being forced into a trial, dying, and then trying to escape after I came back to life."

"Well, I think we might need a lift there." Rhodonite declared. "You wanna help?"

"Could take a little bit to get there, but anything for you guys." Lars accepted happily. "Blue Lace, watch the shop while I'm gone!"

Blue Lace Agate gave Lars a thumbs-up as he left the shop to see the other Off-Colors outside.

"Can't we just take the Warp Pad?" Lars asked while the group walked away from the bakery.

"The nova thrusters are as good as new, right?" Steven responded with a question of his own.

Within a few hours, the Off-Colors had finally reached the Gem Homeworld. Since it had been so long since they had escaped their formerly oppressive home planet, Homeworld has changed dramatically in the passing years. There was lots more color, plant life was abundant, and Gems were milling about to do whatever they please without fear of persecution from the dismantled caste system.

"Okay, Morganite should be around here somewhere." Lars stated as they disembarked from the Sun Incinerator. "Any idea where?"

"Why don't we ask around?" Steven suggested.

"Last I remember, Morganite lives in this big palace that looks like one of those pagodas on Earth." Rhodonite explained. "Though since I've refused to go back there until now, I've pretty much pushed the location out of my memories."

"Why don't we try asking around?" the left Rutile suggested. "Maybe try that Citrine over there?"

The Rutiles pointed to a large, muscular yellow Gem with her gem on her stomach, a distinctive mullet-like hairstyle, a stern expression on her face, and an unsettling eye twitch that she showed as the Gems walked over to her.

"Can I help you?" the Citrine asked with a glare.

"We don't want any harm." Steven told her. "We're just on the lookout for a Gem named Morganite. Seen her anywhere?"

"Oh, you're looking for Morganite?" Citrine said as her expression softened into something more genial. "Yeah, she lives in the big pink skyscraper, can't miss it." She thumbed over to a tall building not too far away that was colored in varying shades of pink and had a predominantly Oriental appearance. "Here, I'll take you there."

"Isn't it wonderful?!" Padparadscha cried while Citrine signaled for a carrier to bring them to Morganite's palace. "The most wonderful Citrine will give us a lift to Morganite!"

"One of those Off-Color Gems, I see." Citrine commented as the carrier arrived. "Okay everyone, all aboard."

"So tell me, what's Morganite like?" Steven asked Citrine. "Is she as okay with Era 3 as everyone else? Because I've met a few Gems who aren't too happy with it."

"She doesn't really care." Citrine answered. "Just as long as she continues her design work. Back in the day, she was highly acclaimed in our society for her visionary designs, especially her work on the Diamonds' palanquins."

"Sounds like she'd fit right in at Little Homeschool's art classes." Fluorite remarked.

"Yeah, but she also had strong views against cross-Gem fusions when we served her." Rhodonite stated. "It's why we fled and eventually met the other Off-Colors."

"How much longer till we reach her?" Lars asked Citrine.

"Not too long now." Citrine replied as Morganite's building began getting closer. "Okay, we're here." She announced, stopping the transporter.

Steven, Lars, Citrine, and the Off-Colors now stood before the pink pagoda-like building, staring in awe of its beautiful architecture. But within the gorgeous structure lay some dark secrets of the past that Rhodonite was ready to contend with.

"You ready?" Lars asked Rhodonite, who tightly held his hand in exchange.

"I'm scared." Rhodonite muttered.

"Don't worry. We're all here for you." Steven alleviated the fusion's fears by holding onto her hand.

"Rhodonite seems afraid, but she knows we'll all be by her side." Padparadscha declared calmly.

"Us Off-Colors gotta stick together." The Rutiles said in unison.

"We're your family." Fluorite said.

"Okay, enough heartfelt found family moments." Citrine chuckled at the heartwarming scene before her as she knocked on the door, causing a holographic projection of a small, pink Gem soon appeared from the top of the doorframe. "Hello?"

"State your name and your business." The hologram demanded.

"I'm Steven Universe." Steven said to the hologram. "I'm here because we've got some old subordinates of Morganite here with us."

"Excellent." The hologram said, and the doors soon opened. "Please enter single file, and do not make a mess of things."

With that, the group got in line, Rhodonite in front with Steven behind her, and strolled into Morganite's tower.

Upon taking the elevator that took them to the tower's top floor, before Steven, Lars, and the Off-Colors was a small, pink Gem with pale skin dressed in a kimono and her dark pink hair in low pigtails. She was kneeling to the ground in deep meditation, and had a certain Gem device hanging over her head as a decoration.

The very sight of this Gem turned Rhodonite's paranoia into a very uncharacteristic rage, and she marched straight up to the little Gem before angrily picking her up. "You! I knew you'd still be here, now fess up!"

The Gem slowly opened her eyes and gasped in fright at the angry fusion violently interrogating her. "Oh no, someone help!" she cried. "Wait, I remember you!"

"So you do remember me, huh?!" Rhodonite snarled while Steven and Lars tried to keep her calm. "Why don't you tell me why I was rejuvenated SEVENTEEN TIMES before I toss you over the edge?!" she threatened, turning her head to face a door leading to one of the balconies of the top floor.

"Rhodonite, please!" Steven exclaimed.

"I get that she traumatized you, but you would never try to hurt anyone!" Lars said.

"Please, remember Garnet's instructions!" Fluorite cried.

Rhodonite froze in place and dropped her former superior from her grasp, and then she began to remember what Garnet taught her. "Relax my thoughts, relax my thoughts." She whispered to herself, easing her tense form. "My apologies, I just lost a little control there."

"A little would be selling yourself short." Rhodonite's would've-been victim snarked. "Especially after all the times I had to break you up."

"So, you must be Morganite." Steven remarked.

"Suppose you heard of me." Morganite stated. "My work is highly acclaimed throughout nine star systems. Now tell me, what brings you all to my tower, outside of nearly trying to kill me?"

"We need to talk." Steven said, moving out of the way to introduce the Off-Colors. "These are some of my friends, a group of Gems persecuted by the old ways of Homeworld because they didn't fit in with their fascist standards, including Rhodonite here. We came because we know you had rejuvenated the Ruby and Pearl that are her components seventeen times, and want answers as to why."

"You want to know why?" Morganite asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, I'd like to understand." Rhodonite answered.

"If you say so." Morganite responded. "Please, do sit down, all of you. Have I got a story for you?"

As the group all sat down on their knees, Morganite began her story. "Now, our little tale begins thousands of years ago, back in Era 1, a short while after Pink Diamond came along."

Thousands of years in the past, Morganite was quite possibly the most celebrated designer to have ever graced Gemkind for having helped build most of Homeworld's architecture. One of her most notable actions was being the leader in building each of the Diamonds' palanquins, and her methods were seen as extraordinary.

"Exemplary work Morganite." Yellow Diamond complimented the design of her palanquin, built to be just as massive as she was. "Very nice patterns, and the shade of yellow is very fitting too."

"I especially admire the drapes you put on mine." Blue Diamond admired her palanquin.

"It was my pleasure, my Diamonds." Morganite thanked with a courteous bow. "I don't ask for anything in return; your applause is all that matters."

"Oh, you are so modest." Blue giggled. "But don't you ever get a little lonely doing so much for our kind?"

"No, I feel perfectly happy by myself." Morganite answered.

"Not even any subordinates to bounce ideas off of?" Yellow continued. "Because I can assure you, I've already got some for you for the occasion."

With a snap of the Diamond's fingers, Yellow's brought forth a pair of inactive gemstones and set them on the ground. The Pearl rose up first, projecting a holographic clamshell around itself.

"Please identify yourself." The shell ordered robotically.

"Morganite." Morganite complied.

"Greetings, Morganite." The shell greeted. "Please state your preferred customization options."

"Nothing too fancy, but nothing too modest either." Morganite continued.

"Settings selected. Please stand by." The holographic shell opened and the Pearl began glowing, eventually forming into a full Gem. The Pearl looked very standard, but had straight pink hair in a bob, her gemstone resting on her chest, a leotard with a transparent shawl around her neck and pink flats.

Next came the Ruby, who also looked like how Gems of her type should be, with her gem on her stomach and a Pink Diamond insignia on her top.

"You must be our new owner, correct?" Morganite's new Pearl asked.

"Yes, yes I am." Morganite answered politely. "You were awarded to me for my work on Yellow and Blue Diamond's palanquins, and I expect you to be on your best behavior."

"Yes, Morganite." The Ruby and Pearl said in unison. What Morganite missed was her new Ruby turning her head a bit to gaze at Pearl, and it was love at first sight.

Over the next couple hundred years, Morganite's Pearl and Ruby served diligently and quietly, never once saying anything negative about their boss or her celebrity status. At least, not in public. In private, the two kept talking for hours about how self-absorbed she was, allowing their working relationship to blossom into romance.

"Oh, the nerve of her taking all the glory from all those hardworking Bismuths!" Morganite's Pearl laughed. "They may hold a higher rank than us Pearls, but I really feel sorry for them."

"And I heard from some Lapis Lazulis that ol' Morgy didn't appreciate the sloppy work they did on Hiei 16." The Ruby responded. "Chances are she's bound to tell Blue on them."

"And what of Pink Diamond?" the designer's Pearl continued. "Sometimes I wonder if she was just a Quartz plucked from a Kindergarten and ordered to look like a Diamond, because she rarely acts like the others at all. Her Pearl says she throws quite the destructive tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants."

"Oh, wow! What a baby!" the Ruby laughed loudly.

"Can I just say, I really love the way you laugh?" Morganite's Pearl said. "It's so loud, yet so endearing at the same time."

"I-I find you endearing too." The Ruby blushed. "No, wait, I don't think that's the word I'm looking for! I meant to say-"

"Cute, graceful, smart, caring, loyal?" the Pearl began flirting. "Because all but one of those fit you as well."

"Oh my, really?" the Ruby responded as she blushed even harder. "I don't anyone has ever called me anything that wasn't stupid or expendable, but you're the first."

"Thank you." The Pearl said, now beginning to blush herself. "Would you like a kiss?"

"W-w-w-w-wait, really?!" her new Ruby lover stuttered. "I don't think I've been given a kiss either?"

"Well, let's give it a try." The Pearl remarked, picking her beloved Ruby up by the waist and bringing them face to face before giving her a sweet kiss on the lips. When the Ruby returned the kiss in kind, their gems began to shimmer.

"Oh, girls! I want your two cents on my latest project." Morganite called for the pair as she walked in on their embrace. "What in the?!"

What Morganite saw was not her Ruby and Pearl, but rather a strange new lifeform with both of their gemstones on her front and bearing some parts of their respective physical forms.

"What happened?" Rhodonite muttered. "Did we just fuse?"

"Yes, you just did!" Morganite barked, catching Rhodonite by surprise. "You knew the laws you two; only two Gems of the same type are allowed to fuse! Did you not hear the cautionary tales of those six Gems that just up and vanished when they first discovered fusion?"

"I sincerely apologize, Morganite, but we really do love each other!" Rhodonite cried as she begged on her knees. "If you would just let us explain!"

"Explain nothing." Morganite coldly declared before pulling a Rejuvenator from her gem on her chest and using it to cut Rhodonite in two, causing her components to poof. "And that will be all."

Morganite believed that would be the end of it, the end of her subordinates' relationship. But she thought wrong.

When her Ruby and Pearl were regenerated, they at first acted like they first met Morganite all over again. And just like that first time, they once again fell in love.

Despite Morganite's attempts to suppress her subordinates' relationship, word got out of the two's love, and many Gems began to question the designer's high status and demanded something to be done about it.

The more times her Pearl and Ruby began fusing, the more Morganite used her Rejuvenator to reset them, and the more she began fearing for all the fame she accumulated being dropped faster than an unwanted colony. Eventually, after approximately seventeen resets, Morganite came to a decision.

"Are you sure we should still be doing this?" the Pearl asked her smaller lover one day. "You know our Morganite will be very unhappy."

"Well, I for one am sick of all this!" the Ruby exclaimed hotly. "Sick of being persecuted for our love, sick of fusions between different Gem types being so frowned upon, sick of this society we live in!"

"Oh, poor baby." The Pearl consoled the Ruby. "We're stronger than that, I just know it."

"Oh, girls, please come here." Morganite called for the pair. With nervous looks to one another, the couple walked over to their displeased master. "I have some splendid news for you."

"What is it?" Morganite's Pearl asked meekly.

"You no longer have to worry about being caught, because you're getting replaced!" Morganite answered cheerfully, presenting a new Pearl and Ruby that will soon take the old pair's places.

"Well, funny you should mention that." The Ruby stated, bravely stepping forward. "We're through with this! You don't understand the love Pearl and I share, just because you're so self-absorbed and dedicated to Homeworld's ways!"

"Oh, so good you're such a team player." Morganite sarcastically remarked before clapping her hands to summon a pair of Shattering Robonoids. "Because as they say, there's no trash in a team."

As the Robonoids prepared to detain Morganite's former Pearl and Ruby, the two made a break for it. They bolted out the top floor of Morganite's tower, jumping off the balcony and beginning to fall all the way down to Homeworld's lower levels.

"After them!" Morganite commanded the Robonoids, and they zoomed out the building after the fleeing Gems.

As Ruby and Pearl continued falling at high speeds, the Shattering Robonoids flew down in hot pursuit and tried to scan their gems for destruction.

"Oh no, we're gonna get shattered!" the Ruby began panicking. "This is all my fault, if I hadn't talked back to Morganite, then we wouldn't either be shattered by the Robonoids or by falling to our deaths! I'm so-"

"It's okay." The Pearl said softly, cupping her favorite soldier's cheek. "I'm here for you, you're here for me."

"Yeah." The Ruby began to relax. "We're here for each other."

The two began to kiss once again, fusing into Rhodonite once more as they crashed behind a statue on Homeworld's decaying surface. The Robonoids continued scanning for the pair, but the machines found nothing due to the structure keeping them protected.

As the Robonoids flew back up to report to Morganite, Rhodonite peeked from behind the statue in relief. "I'm here."

"Hello?" a deep, slow-moving voice called from a cave. "Is anyone there?"

"Who said that?!" Rhodonite began panicking. "Come out wherever you are!"

"You were cast out too, yes?" the voice continued. "Come on in, you'll be safer here."

"I-if you say so." Rhodonite muttered. "Where are you?"

"Just follow my voice." The voice answered. "You can find me in this cave. Just look for the rock."

Rhodonite did as this mystery person said and found a rather conspicuous rock within a cave, moving it aside to discover a secret passage. When she entered the path and went through the dark tunnel, at the end was a massive Kindergarten that might've gone unused for ages.

"Welcome, dearie." The voice said as its owner appeared from behind Rhodonite. Turning around, Rhodonite discovered a massive six-Gem fusion with a gentle smile on her face. "So, were you persecuted for your love too?"

"Wait, you're the six Gems!" Rhodonite exclaimed, thinking back to the tales of old.

"I see my reputation is still going strong." The larger fusion proclaimed. "I am Fluorite. And you are?"

Rhodonite glanced down at the gems on her torso, and then back at Fluorite, before she finally answered. "I'm Rhodonite."

"So that's what happened." Steven realized as Morganite concluded her tale before he turned to Rhodonite. "What do you think?"

"Relax my thoughts, relax my thoughts." Rhodonite whispered to herself as she sat cross-legged next to Steven and as she opened her eyes, she un-fused into Morganite's former Ruby and Pearl for the first time in centuries.

"Normally, this is the part where we'd yell at you for never atoning for ditching us." The Ruby stated. "And we'll still never forgive you for that."

"But that's in the past. We're different Gems than we were thousands of years ago." The Pearl replied. "Here in the future, we have a new life now. Together."

"I understand now." Morganite said solemnly. "If that is your decision, then so be it. Now good day."

"Thank you for having us." Lars thanked Morganite. "Now come on, gang, let's head home."

"One second." The Ruby and Pearl said in unison before they kissed yet again, fusing back into a more stable Rhodonite with shorter pant legs, a scarf replacing her shawl, and her hair now in two tones.

"Okay, now we can go." Rhodonite smiled.

"Everyone, wait!" Padparadscha exclaimed. "After a moment of clarity, Rhodonite will change her look! Isn't that exciting!?"

"You crack me up, little buddy." Lars chuckled as Steven, and the Off-Colors left the building.

After Morganite finished waving them off, she checked around to see if anyone was still watching. Rising from where Rhodonite sat her down, Morganite turned to the Rejuvenator hanging over her head and pressed on a hidden keypad on the wall that led the way to a Warp Pad.

"My clarity has got to hear about this." Morganite said to herself as she took the Warp Pad to parts unknown.

Revanche 666 was a planet drained of all life and resources by the Gems' colonizing, and all that was left was a world with a suspicious resemblance to a human skull.

Morganite disembarked from the Warp Pad and walked towards a black-colored building resembling a Communication Hub. Standing guard was a pair of Citrines, much like the one who had brought Steven to her, but they were less friendly.

"HALT!" the Citrines yelled as they blocked the way.

"It's alright you dolts; it's me." Morganite grumbled at the guards' ignorance.

"Oh, terribly sorry Morganite!" the Citrines declared, moving to allow Morganite to enter the building. "The master is expecting you!"

Morganite strolled down a long white hallway, lined with multiple guards. There were Pearls that had grey skin, black & white uniforms and their hair swept to one side of their heads, white Topazes, including one that was giving a cheery wave only to stop with a sinister glare from the pink Gem, Jaspers, Amethysts, Rubies and many more.

"Oh Morganite, fancy seeing you here." Holly Blue Agate said, as she appeared to start walking alongside her fellow ex-aristocrat. "How have things been going on your end?"

"That boy just paid a visit, and he brought some Off-Colors with." Morganite answered. "One of them was a fusion of my ex-servants, and even tried to toss me over the edge!"

"Really, an Off-Color attempting murder?" Holly Blue smirked. "Well, it's good you're still keeping up appearances like I am, no matter how complicated it may be. Hopefully the master's endgame will allow me to get some peace and quiet!"

"In due time, Holly." Morganite chuckled. "In due time."

The two Gems stopped walking in front of a pair of white doors that automatically opened for them. And at the end of the room before them was a Gem in a revolving chair examining all possible data she could find of the Crystal Gems on a series of holograms.

"We have arrived your clarity." Holly Blue announced while she and Morganite kneeled before the Gem. "Morganite would like to speak with you."

"Yes, Steven Universe has come to visit me earlier." Morganite added. "Which reminds me, is it time to proceed with Phase 1?"

The Gem stopped typing on her database and slowly turned to her subordinates, before slowly getting up from her chair.

And now we have another Gem to add to this mystery foe's alliance! And we'll finally get to see who she is next time on the final chapter of Part 1. But in the meantime, I have an announcement to make. Once I'm done with that chapter, I'm going to take a bit of a hiatus to focus on other stories and my schoolwork, but not too long like my fellow Steven Universe fans have joked about. I hope you understand, and see you next time.

#steven universe #steven universe future #fanfiction #steven universe alternate future #steven quartz universe #lars barriga #rhodonite #padparadscha sapphire #fluorite #rutile twins #morganite

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alexandenigtscreations · 3 years

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Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel Additional Tags: Season 3 Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, cw blood, Man of Glass episode, Whump, self doubt, new relationships Summary:

What if Juno didn't have time to heal properly from the soul incident before he and Ransom went on their first mission in the Aurinko crime family?

[Chapter 1 Link Here]

It was that same breath that woke Nureyev some odd hours later. Sharp puffs of over warm air tuning into a series of strangled wheezes. He felt pressure over his chest, from where Juno was hugging him tight, eye scrunched closed and trembling.

Heart in throat, Nureyev commanded the lights on, and sucked in his breath. He didn’t have to check to know that Juno’s injuries had gotten worse.

“Juno?” wriggling free enough to get a hand on the other’s shoulder, “Juno, love, you have to wake up for me.” He gave him a gentil shake. “Juno!” His clammy skin had taken an unhealthy ashen quality and the fever displayed prominently on his cheeks. Another shake elicited a pained whimper. Again, his arm was clamped around his middle as if trying to keep the pain at bay.

Help, Nureyev needed to call for help. He scanned about looking for his coms and spotted them at the other end of the room. He disentangled himself from the injured man and the blankets, stumbling over to the device and squinting down at the screen. It was hard to read without his glasses, but it wasn’t like he had many names programmed in. He only needed one number, just one!

There! Vespa Ilkay’s information. He called once, no response, twice- Juno started to cough, wet and harsh. He was struggling to get upright but seemed unable to support himself. Confound it all, he mashed the button a third time and went to him.

“No, no, no Love, please don’t get up.” He did his best to brace him while he coughed, trying to take the pressure off. He used the moment to jam his glasses on his nose, double checking he was making the right call.

The fifth and sixth calles yielded no results. A dark stain blotted through the grey material, seeping out and down more and more of Juno’s side. There was too much blood.

He tried Buddy- still nothing- He balled up an undershirt and pressed it to the wound, begging the flow to stem. Juno cried out, scrabbling at his arms, his chest, trying to push him away.

“It’s just me Detective, it’s just me-” he took a moment to stroke back his hair to calm him. Juno cursed under his breath, his voice absolutely wrecked.

He could go and get Vespa, but leaving Juno would be an...issue. The man had a history of not staying put. Juno had tried vacating the hospital Nureyev had taken him to to get his eye treated. Heavily sedated and battered though he was, he had made a valiant effort.

Glancing at the list again, Rita’s name came into focus. He could call her, she knew Juno well- but had almost no connection to Buddy or Vespa, which left Jet.

He tried Vespa again, nothing. Then Jet and there! He got him on the first try.

“Jet!”

“Ransom-?” his voice was heavy with sleep, “It’s late- can’t this wait until-”

“This can not wait, Jet. Juno’s hurt- he needs help.” he explained urgently, hoping that this man he hardly knew would provide aid.

“Then you should call Vespa-”

“Yes, yes, I’ve already tried Vespa and Buddy, but they are not picking up! Please Jet, there is so much blood. It won’t stop-” he could feel the sticky warmth under the hand applying pressure, the arm that Juno still had a grip on, though it was looser than before, weaker- he refused to consider the implications.

Oh Juno- no. His teeth bit down on his lower lip as he tried to focus.

There was the sound of movement on the other end, rustling of fabric and rattling of items Nureyev had no patience to place. Contact having been made, all of his attention was now back on his lady. He tried to sooth him the way that he had done in the chamber- when the pain in Juno’s skull had grown so severe he’d be forced to hover between the waking world and whatever hellish stream his mind decided to depict.

“I did not know he was hurt on the mission.” said Jet through the coms, Nueyev nearly jumped out of his skin, he forgot Siqualiak was on the other line.

“It seemed he reopened some old injuries.” Nureyev explained, “He didn’t share how he had acquired them, but he racked up quite the collection-” his hand drifted to Juno’s forehead, wiping away the cold sweat and carefully smoothing his hair. Juno cracked open an unfocused eye, before screwing it shut again.

Jet hummed, there was a sound of a buzzer and Buddy’s muffled voice.

“Please tell them to hurry.”

Jet repeated the message, adding “Vespa and Buddy are on their way. Can Juno stand?”

“No.” said Nureyev. “I’d try to get him there myself, but I don’t know how extensive his injuries are-” There had been so many wounds- his mind came up with dozens of scenarios where Juno could have acquired such damage- His detective had a pension for getting in over his head.

Then again, so did he.

For a moment, it felt like this was an extension of his crushing debt, like interest accrued because he was too much a fool to not of avoided it in the first place-

There was a pang of loss thinking about that yawning gap of time they were apart. Perhaps, if he’d been less of a coward and kept Juno close, refused to let him leave that night, he wouldn’t have been hurting like he was now- That he would have been spared these injuries- That he could have protected him.

And yet- he had grown so much since they’d last been together. He wondered if it would have happened at all if they’d been together at the time- There was a small, petty, part of him was jealous this transformation had happened without him.

“And Jet- he’s in my quarters.” that may require some explaining, but he could deal with that latter.

Jet grunted “That is good to know.”

“Nu-Nureyev-” shuddered Juno, and Nureyev tuned the coms out almost completely.

“What is it?”

“I- Imma not- feelin’ so hot-” he slurred, chest working overtime to supply enough breath, fingers tangled in the material over his stomach.

Nureyev chuckled “Not feeling so hot? My Detective, what cued you in?” Juno’s lips ticked up “Help is on the way.”

Not long after, the small party came streaming in. Vespa’s hostile expression dropped into a softer sneer at the sight.

“And what the hell happened to you Steel?”

Juno laughed, a strange delirious thing that set Nureyev further on edge if that were possible “You’re gonna have ta’ be m-more specific-”

“If you’re well enough to play games Steel then you’re-”

“Vespa, darling, save your banter for a time when he can appreciate it. I fear he’s operating on conditioned response alone.”

Vespa shook her head once, then twice before slipping closer; kneeling down to take his pulse and get a few scans from a handheld instrument. There was something in the way that the scowl melted off her face that made Nureyev’s blood run cold.

“What’s-” his voice broke, he cleared it and tried again “What’s wrong?”

“His vitals are all screwy for starters. Siqualiak, help me get him into the stretcher. Ransom, keep pressure on that wound, I’ll take a look when we get to the medical ward.”

They all assumed their positions, Nureyev lightly chastising Juno for fighting the lift, though he was alarmed at how ashen he’d gotten after the move.

He chewed on the inside of his lip as they brought him to the medical ward, the stench of antiseptic preceding the room before the doors swished open.

“Gonna need some room!” Vespa snapped clearing a path around the hover gerny. Buddy and Jet made room, but not Nureyev. He still had his hand clamped over the wound, the other running soothing streaks through Juno’s curls. “That includes you thief.”

“And leave a lady in distress? How could I possibly-”

“You know what? Just- can it! Keep applying pressure while I get set up.”

Nureyev sighed and nodded. Realizing she probably wasn’t looking he added an “Understood.” He could at least do this much.

Juno’s glassy eye landed on his face. “W-what’s going on-Nnn-” he squeezed his eye shut and started over “Ransom-”

“Just you’re morning check-up Detective.” he tried for his usual airy tone. “You’re lucky our good doctor could see you so early.”

Vespa made a noise of disgust from the wash station, before moving on to placing her tools on a tray.

“ohhh, god-” Juno groaned. “It’s-too early for this-” his breath hitched, and he grasped at Nureyev’s wrist again, but it was heartbreakingly feeble. “H-hurts-”

“Too early?” Vespa scoffed “Moreon it was almost too late!” then to Nureyev, “Keep the pressure on.”

Nureyev nodded, desperately trying to file away the phrase ‘too late’ before it could do damage. Juno needed him now, he hadn’t the time to indulge foolish hypothetical fears. Instead, he focused on stroking his thumb over the lady’s cheek bone, hoping to sap some of the tension from his features.

In a smooth, practiced motion, Vespa sliced through Juno’s shirt and layers of bandages. The goar soaked layers shrinking away from her shears till she was down to the skin. She handed Nureyev a large piece of gauze with instructions to place it over the wound after she cleared the material away.

He tried to ignore the way Juno curled around his fist when he reapplied his weight. Tried to ignore the stuttering gasps by covering them with sweet nothings and gentle assurances.

It was Vespa cursing that dragged Nureyev back to Juno’s condition. Laying exposed under the harsh lights of the medical bay, he could see the fresh blottings of purple and black discoloration Juno’s skin. Clear evidence of internal bleeding.

His lady had been bleeding out on the inside and Nureyev had almost let him.

“God dammit! I’m your doctor, you got a problem, see me ASAP!” Vespa exploded shooting Nureyev a look he was sure could be classified as a dangerous radical.

“That-that wasn’t there last night-” he swallowed past the lump in his throat.

“Last night? He’s been bleeding out since last night and you didn’t think to call me?”

Nureyev bit back his retort. There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t make the situation worse. The fact of the matter was Vespa was right, and he said as much.

She seemed to deflate a little, her shout dropping more to a gruff growl as she said “Next time, come to me, got it?”

Next time- Perish the thought.

“Understood.”

Shortly after that, Vespa cast him out. Leaving him trembling and weak on the wrong side of a door that held Juno Steel.

He pressed his back against the wall, trying to regain control of his breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose- but the words ‘Too late’ continued to bounce around his skull, refusing to be confined.

Juno had done it again. Risk his life, at the very least his health, for the possibility of doing some good. This time it was a step towards the cure mother prime. A noble venture to be sure but- for some reason, the fact it was a noble pursuit hurt so much more.

Nureyev had admired the moral outrage that played on his face at Zolitovna’s soiree, invoking the familiar electric spark of their first meeting. But now- it scared him. It had the possibility of being Juno’s making or his undoing. We are not legends -

One thing Nureyev had retained from their little chat was that Juno seemed to have regretted leaving almost as much as Nureyev had- If Nureyev had gotten his second chance with Juno, he wanted to, had to take it. In truth, he’d been doomed the moment Juno had been accepted onto the team.

Too late-

He refused to accept that. The universe couldn’t be that cruel.

“How is he Pete?”

Nureyev nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Captain!”

“I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No I just-” he cleared his throat, desperately trying and failing to pull on the facade of Peter Ransom “Apologies Captain. I was surprised. Juno-” his voice broke and he tried again “Juno is in surgery.”

“Surgery. I didn’t know he was hurt.”

Relevant information surfaced through the muddy waters of his brain “Old injuries were aggravated. Seems the detective got into some trouble before joining the crew.” guilt leaded his chest, restricting his lungs “I should have brought him straight to Vespa. I should have known-” he made to run his hands through his hair and paused at the sight of red.

Blood, Juno’s blood on his hands- again. Why did this always seem to happen? Sure, Juno’s scars were part of his charm but, he shouldn't’ have to bear so many- “Oh my, what a mess.”

“Pete-” he startled again which only made Buddy’s voice go all the softer “Why don’t you sit down.” she graciously offered the chair next to her. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that the chairs had not been there earlier, which meant she must have brought them from the kitchen.

Nureyev complied, because of course he did. One simply did not say no to Buddy Auranko. He padded over on unsteady legs and perched at the edge of the seat.

Buddy gave him an appraising look “I take it Juno is more than a reference to you.”

“Pardon?”

“Juno. You two seem to have grown closer in the few hours since the heist. Quite different from your earlier antics.”

“Oh, I-” He cast around for an answer, something that would satisfy Buddy. The evening's events still had him reeling. “It’s- complicated. Suffice to say, we left on questionable terms. It’s what we were discussing last night-”

“I see.”

They lapsed into an uneasy silence. Buddy didn’t push and he was grateful for that. He felt as though she could filay him open and lay all his secrets bare if she desired too. It was unsettling, to say the least. He would have to watch himself around her.

It was hard to not think about why it was taking Vespa so long to patch up Juno. By all accounts, Vespa was skilled in medicine. Her specialty was reserved for the field, but that should make her all the more brutally efficient. Nureyev’s hands were still trembling- traitorous things. He clenched his fists so that the nails dug into his palms and the lichtenberg scars stood out against his wrists.

Buddy gave his shoulder a squeeze. “My word Pete, you’re freezing. Why don’t you go get cleaned up and we’ll see what we can do to get you warm.”

Fear shot through him at the thought of leaving, he didn’t have a chance to file it away. What if something happened to Juno when he was gone? What if he needed something? What if Juno woke up, alone or- What if it had been too late and Juno left all over again? A protest sprang from his lips before he could stop it.

Buddy’s face was painfully understanding, despite his outburst. “I’ll stay right here until you return.”

Again, one simply did not say no to Buddy Auranko- So he made his leave, bare feet numb against the metal floor. Then he remembered his coms and the name he didn’t call.

“Captain,” he said “Rita, has anyone informed her about-” his hands fluttered through the air “the situation?”

“Jet has already taken care of that darling.”

He nodded, that was- good.

Buddy had been right to ask him to wash up, he was covered in blood and Juno with his delicate sensibilities, would not take kindly to the sight. Once alone, he tried to close off his mind and focus on the task at hand. Bussing his thoughts with as many details as he could absorb. After showering and trading sleepwear for more formal attire he was marginally more presentable, more able to wield the mask of Peter Ransom.

Buddy was still there, her coms playing mood music as she thumbed through its contents. She greeted him with a nod when he returned.

The rest of the time passed in a blur. At some point, a mug of coffee was pressed into his hands, a blanket draped over his shoulders. He’d flashed someone a smile of thanks, but couldn’t remember who-

When at long last Vespa emerged from the medbay, she greeted them with a “The moron’s awake, kind a.” She shot Nureyev a look “If you have to, you can see him. But he’s pretty messed up, so don’t be surprised if he passes out again.”

Nureyev took the words like a stun shot to the chest.

Juno was awake.

He offered Vespa some sort of pleasantry before rushing into the room.

Sure enough, Juno was awake and looking about bleary eyed with deep lines of exhaustion carved into his face. But he was awake and alive and in front of Nureyev. By the stars, he missed that face.

It was the most wonderful thing that he could have hoped for.

“Hello Juno.” Nureyev smiled taking his place next to the detective. “I think it’s time you and I have a little chat.”

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zamoimagines · 4 years

Text

HOWARD HOUSE (Collaboration Project w/ @ladypaulsvn)

Episode 1: Pilot

Word Count: 3,631

Summary: Billie Dean Howard and Audrey Tindall both are very successful television stars. What people may not know is that these two actually live together... with seven other women. What happens when they make the decision to create a reality tv show about their home life? Find out and tune into Howard House, a brand new series about mayhem, love, and unconventionality.

A/N: hello everyone! this is the first collaborative project that I’ve ever been apart of! @ladypaulsvn and I had an idea in April that turned into an entire series. This is basically Keeping Up With the Kardashians but if it was all Sarah’s characters. We’re incredibly proud of this, and we’ve worked extremely hard on this first chapter. If you want more, let us know because we have quite a few plans for this series! We really hope you enjoy!

“Are we rolling?” Billie muttered as a crew member finished fixing up her hair.

“We’re rolling!”

Audrey shooed away her makeup artist before flashing a perfect smile.

The last of the crew members made their way off the screen as Billie made eye contact with the camera.

“I’m Billie Dean Howard,”

“And I’m Audrey Tindall!” the Brit sang out.

“You may know us from popular TV shows such as Devil’s Night and My Roanoke Nightmare.” Billie added in a warm tone.

“We thought it would be interesting to do a collaborative series that was a little different from the dark paranormal themes we’ve worked on in the past.”

“That’s right, Audrey. We wanted to give our fans something a little more lighthearted!”

“So when Billie suggested we do a reality show type series of our home life, I hopped right on board! Because quite frankly we do not have a normal home.”

Billie laughed light heartedly at her comment. “That is extremely correct. We thought we would give insight into who we are outside of our respective careers and include the amazing eclectic group of women we share our home with.”

“We hope you join us in this premiere episode of Howard House.”

“Cut!”

The screen fades to black. The show starts with a simple shot of the Howard House. Inside, Billie Dean Howard is holding the very first personal interview.

“So, just introduce yourself for the audience, yeah?”

“Right, right.” Billie sat down on the couch in front of the cameras.

“As many of you may know, I’m Billie Dean Howard. I’m a psychic medium, and I’ve been working with the dead for decades now. Never expected to make a career out of it. Let alone a whole show!” She laughs off her comment with the members of the crew.

“All jokes aside, I’m incredibly thankful for my career. If it wasn’t for the screen, I wouldn’t have met all the girls… I’ll always be grateful for that. Audrey came to me with the idea for this show, and I have to admit, I was a little nervous. They’ve all become like a family to me. A very complicated family to say the least. The others liked the idea so much despite my fears, so I finally decided it was a good idea.”

Billie cracked a smile at the thought.

“If it wasn’t for Audrey, the show wouldn’t have even aired.”

The camera cuts to a new shot of Audrey Tindall explaining her side of the story.

“Oh, yeah! It was my idea and everything. Billie’s nice like that. She’ll go along with most things as long as it doesn’t ruin her image. I was genuinely surprised she said yes to this by those standards!” Audrey light heartedly laughed, glancing over the camera to see Billie rolling her eyes.

“I can always make everyone go home, you know. Shows over!” Billie’s voice can be heard off screen.

“Oh, shut up Billie.” Audrey waves her away.

The interview continued on as normal. There were a few quick banters exchanged between Audrey and Billie, who stayed off screen. Eventually, Billie left the room to leave Audrey to talk about what the rest of the show would be like.

“Basically, It’s going to show our everyday lives here with all the girls. How we live. Who we really are.” Audrey was always one for the dramatics.

“This ‘Pilot’ episode, if you will, is just an introduction. A little taste of what’s to come!” Her hands added flare to her words.

As Audrey continued explaining the simple mechanics of the show, Ally slipped in through the front door. She gave the actress a small wave.

Audrey’s eyes immediately lit up as she called her girlfriend over. “Sweetheart, hello! Come here!” She quickly stood from her chair and grabbed Ally’s hand, guiding her in front of the camera.

“This is my girlfriend, Ally! Isn’t she simply darling?” Audrey smiled widely as she sat Ally on her lap. Ally wasn’t too keen on being on camera yet.

“Oh yeah, hi! I forgot this was today.” Ally swiped her hair behind her ear, not knowing what to say.

Audrey nearly squealed at seeing her girlfriend so shy.

“You are just bloody adorable.” She gazed back up at the camera as Ally’s cheeks turned a bright shade of red.

“She’s a bit timid about being filmed. I’m used to a crew following me everywhere, but Ally isn’t quite adjusted to it yet.”

The next shot is Ally sitting in the spot Audrey was in, now all alone. She has an awkward expression on her face as if she’s not sure what to talk about.

“Just tell us a little bit about yourself. You’re a politician, right?”

Ally nodded slightly to the camera man.

“I am. Before I got into politics, I owned a restaurant. Still do. I’ve just been really focused on my campaign.”

“And how long have you been with Audrey?”

“U-uh, about two years now.”

“How’d you guys meet?”

“Well, as I said before, I own a restaurant downtown and at that point I was on my own with Oz, my son. I had just divorced my ex wife. I’d been putting all my time into my work. That’s when famous actress Audrey Tindall came into my life. She’d never been in the restaurant before. She was instantly a flirty little thing. When she left, I found her number scrawled on her receipt and well… the rest is history.” Ally’s smile was giant as she explained the story, reminiscing on the past years of her life she had spent falling for the Brit.

“How did you end up here in the house with the rest of the girls?”

“I won’t get too personal, but after a few months of seeing Audrey and how well she got along with Oz, I started making frequent trips to this humble abode. I admit that it was quite a shock meeting everyone for the first time. Though they all took so kindly to Oz and I. We spent more nights here than at our apartment, so Billie invited us to permanently move in. I obviously couldn’t deny her offer. We’ve been here for the last two years.” Ally honestly loved telling this story.

“These lovely ladies couldn’t have come at a better time in my life. I’m so thankful to have them, especially Audrey. They’re all truly one of a kind. I’m so lucky to have such good role models for Oz and people who genuinely care for him. He loves it here, even with the constant bickering.” Ally laughed as she made fun of the banter that constantly rang through the house.

As Ally answered more questions about life in the house and her professions, a snarky blonde with frizzy hair was waiting very impatiently in the other room.

“Do you guys want to see a picture of Oz? I have a couple on my phone-“ Ally began.

“Oh come ON” an annoyed voice rang out.

As Ally began to pull out her cell, the blonde barged into the room. She was definitely not as put together as the others. The woman had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and was wearing a tattered old dress. Her makeup was completely smudged. She didn’t seem camera ready, but she was definitely acting like she was.

“Ally, seriously, you’ve taken way too long.” She growled. In an instant, she pushed Ally off of her seat. The politician fell onto the floor offscreen with a thud while this new woman crossed her legs.

“Sal, what the hell?!” Ally shouted.

Sally glanced down at her as she took her cigarette between her fingers.

“You were hogging the f%*#$ing camera.”

“So that gives you a right to just physically assault people?”

As Ally stood up, there was a long silence between the two women. The camera was focused on Sally, who looked obviously remorseful for acting on a whim. Her free hand reached out to hold Ally’s.

“Look, I’m sorry. I was anxious.”

Ally remained silent.

“It won’t happen again… I promise. I’m really sorry.”

“Well, you should be.”

“I’ll make it up to you. We’ll go for ice cream later, okay?”

Another silence.

“Okay.” Ally muttered.

“Okay.” Sally replied as the brunette exited the room. She leaned back in her seat and turned her ear toward the door.

“I love you, Ally!” she called out.

There was no answer. Sally shrugged.

“She’ll be fine.” She began, “I’ve done worse.”

“Uh… Okay. You wanna go ahead and introduce yourself?”

A huge grin appeared on Sally’s face.

“I thought you’d never ask!” She exclaimed as she took a drag of her cancer stick.

“The name’s Sally. Sally McKenna. I’m unemployed, BUT I happen to be a social media influencer,” She winked to the camera. “Follow me on instagram, sallythatgirl.”

“You’re a social media influencer, and you only have instagram?”

“Oh god no! I’ve got twitter, youtube, instagram, facebook, you name it! And I just started a tik tok account.” She had a proud look on her face.

“No, but I used to be a musician in the 90’s. That was a bust. Turned to drugs, that was also a bust. I lived in a shit hole for a loooong time. Until Cordelia came along.” She smirked to herself, “Don’t tell her I said this, but… Cordelia saved me. She came by my place looking for one of her friends and we happened to get into conversation. I told her not to pity me. She has such a kind heart that the bitch took me home with her the same day. I’ve been here ever since.”

Sally ashes her cigarette in one of the crew member’s coffee cups nearby.

“Anyway, enough with the sappy shit. I’m really excited to start this show. I have a really good feeling that I’m gonna be a fan favorite.”

“I-I wasn’t finished with that cup of coffee-”

“Sure you were, John! It was empty.” Sally replied. When she glanced back into the cup, she pursed her lips.

“.... My bad. I’ll… Here, I’ll have someone get you some more- DELIA!” She stood up and left the room to go find the Supreme.

“I F&%ED UP, I NEED YOUR HELP!”

After Sally left, a new shot panned on Cordelia Goode. She was already sitting down and completely poised. She handed John a new cup of coffee.

“Sorry about Sally. She can be a bit of a handful.”

“It’s alright. Thank you for making this.”

“It’s no trouble at all.” Cordelia replied with a warm smile.

“So, you were the first one to move in with Billie?”

“Yes, I was. A few years back, she did an episode for her show at Robichaux’s Academy where I taught. At the time, the place was extremely overcrowded. I obviously had too much on my plate. My confidant, Zoe, had been pushing me to go out and find my own place. I had to live somewhere that wasn’t surrounded by screaming girls. When Billie was done filming, we ended up becoming good friends. I was stressed and ended up telling her about Zoe’s idea. She invited me to move in with her, and so I decided to take the chance. Zoe was proud of me and I became a better Supreme because of my decision.”

“What’s it like living here but still fulfilling your responsibilities as Supreme?”

“At first it was challenging to get used to. I hated being away from my girls, but wanted to give myself the chance to adjust. After a few months, I quite enjoyed having my own space and traveling between the two. Billie was really accepting of my responsibilities as Supreme. She never complained of my late hours. Around that time she was usually away filming, so we didn’t see much of each other anyway. It’s a little different now that we have more people living here. I still enjoy it all the same with our little family we’ve created.”

“What’s your schedule like nowadays?”

“Oh, pretty similar! I’ll go back and forth to the Academy to check on my girls and occasionally teach classes when Zoe or Mallory is sick.”

“What about life here?”

“That’s never the same. It’s a constant changing schedule here. Sometimes Billie or Audrey are out filming god knows where. Or Ally has campaigning to do so we help watch Oz. Lana’s always out chasing some new story whenever she gets the chance... Bette and Dot stay home usually. The same with Wilhemina ever since she started working from home; she likes structure and order. Sally is the complete opposite. She stays at home more often than not but is always trying to stir up trouble, just for the hell of it. We all have different schedules but we help each other out when we can. We really are a family.”

“That’s beautiful. Speaking of Ms. Winters, do you know if she’s available for an interview?”

Cordelia chuckled to yourself. “If you can catch her, you can most definitely talk to her.”

Lana is next at the camera. She looks completely composed; she was meant for the camera.

“Miss Winters, thank you for talking with us on such a short notice.”

“Anything for television.” the brunette replied with a smirk.

“What has life been like since the attack?”

There was a sort of tenseness to her position.

“Jumping right in with Bloody Face… I’m fairing fine. He got what he deserved and I’m safe now. Not to mention, my career has been soaring and I’ve finally surrounded myself with a group of people that really care about my well being. Things are so lighthearted around here. I didn’t know I needed to be here, but I can see why Cordelia invited me to stay.”

“You’re a very brave woman, Miss Winters.”

“Thank you, John. I’m more than ready to move on from that situation though.”

“Of course. My bad… So, you worked with Billie on the Briarcliffe series, correct?”

“Yes! That’s where it all began actually.” She had the proudest look on her face. “The Briarcliffe series was one of the best moments of my career. Billie wanted to help me expose all of the awful things that happened there, and we charged in there demanding the truth.”

“And it’s true that Briarcliffe was shut down shortly after the series aired?”

“Correct. Billie and I single handedly took down the most horrific place in America. I’m so grateful for her collaboration. I’m not sure I could have done it without her.”

Lana crossed her legs gracefully, holding her right knee with clasped hands.

“After that, I knew I was safe. It was still incredibly hard to go home alone. Post traumatic stress disorder can do a number on a person” She bit her lower lip, “I spent so many sleepless nights paranoid and utterly terrified of nothing. It grew harder and harder to be by myself, and it was very obvious to everyone that I worked with, including Billie. That’s when she told me to come stay at her commune.”

“Commune?”

“Well, that’s what this place isn’t it?” Lana replied with a laugh. “I was skeptical at first. Living with eight strangers I’ve never met in my life sounded like an absolute nightmare. Though, Billie promised me it would be worth my while. I stayed one night and fell in love with everyone that lives here. It was so nice to not have to be alone, and this house has really made me feel significantly better as far as safety goes. You’re never alone around here, but I don’t mind that. In fact, it makes me feel extremely comfortable.”

“Are you close with any of the girls in particular? Some of the others were discussing how you often can be found with Cordelia Goode when you are home.”

The reporter’s cheeks turned a bright shade of pink.

“I-I mean- Yes, Cordelia and I are great friends. Though, I’ve taken all of them under my wing. Sally’s chaotic, though she’s really just a child deep down that’s craving some sort of attention. Audrey and Ally are both sweethearts. Cordelia is… absolutely wonderful.” Her cheeks grew even brighter in color. “I do have a particular attachment to Bette and Dot, though.”

“Is that because you saved them from Briarcliffe?”

“Indeed, it is. Aren’t you good at researching for an interview? I'm thoroughly impressed, John.”

“Thank you, Miss Winters. Would you care to tell us how you came to the Tattler’s rescue?”

“Perhaps I should let them tell that story.”

Conjoined twins are sitting in front of the camera, rather nervous. One is greeting everyone with a big grin and the other looks suspicious of her surroundings.

“I promise you that we aren’t going to harm you. We’ve heard many wonderful things about the two of you.”

“Oh I know that! Dot just doesn’t trust anyone.” Bette giggled at the camera man. Dot silently glared at her sister then turned back to the camera.

“That’s not true. I’m just far more cautious than my sister.” Dot explained.

“Guarded, maybe.” Bette said under her breath, her smile faltering momentarily.

“Okay… Well how about some questions? Would you be okay with that?”

Both girls nodded.

“I’ve asked nearly everyone this same question. How did you girls arrive here at the house?”

“Oh… well, it was Lana really.” Dot started. “She did a documentary about Briarcliff and we watched it.” Bette began to add. “Our parents were going to send us there… and after seeing the documentary we confronted them about their intentions.” Bette looked to the floor.

“They kicked us out, essentially.” Dot stated with a cross face. “Instead of wallowing in our tears, we packed up and left for LA to find Lana and thank her for keeping us from the awful fate we could’ve had at Briarcliff.” Dot explained.

Bette looked up again at this point. “Oh yes! I want to tell this next part. It wasn’t very hard to find her; we ran into her on the streets of LA! It was magical really. We thanked her and instead of just going about her business, she stayed and asked us questions about what happened and why we were there instead of back home in Florida. After a wonderful conversation with her, we said our goodbyes and went to leave. But she stopped us! We were confused at first. Then she offered us a place to stay since we were on our own. Dot declined, as she doesn’t trust people, but I accepted and convinced Dot to agree as well.” Bette happily told their tale.

“It’s true I was apprehensive, but I’m glad we’re here now. Maybe listening to Bette is a good idea… sometimes.” Dot added and Bette smiled satisfactorily.

“What a moving story ladies. You’re obviously both very different personalities. How do you get on with the rest of the women in the house?”

“We mostly stay to ourselves, really.” Bette answered and Dot nodded.

“Though I enjoy a conversation or two with Wilhemina.” Dot said bashfully.

“Oh they’re awfully annoying sometimes. Always gossiping about the others. I think you forget that I can hear your thoughts Dot.” Bette laughed as she looked at her sister.

Dot consequently glared in her direction. “Shut up.”

“Um, Ow!”

“What did I say before all of this? Don’t say stuff like that Bette!”

“Oh it’s not my fault you’re so reserved. It’s an interview for goodness sake Dot! They ask questions!”

The girls were interrupted by the man behind the camera. “Okay ladies… How about we continue this another time?”

“Sounds wonderful, thank you John!” Bette stated and Dot agreed. “I’d rather not do this ever again.” The girls quickly left the room, still bickering to one another. The camera panned to a redheaded woman dressed in purple from head to toe. Her posture was rather rigid and she was gripping a wooden cane. From outside, the crew could hear Bette and Dot trying to talk to her.

“Mina, it’s your turn!” Bette sung out sweetly.

“Bette, darling, I’m reading.” the woman, Mina, muttered in a disinterested tone.

“But it’s for the tv show! You told Billie you’d do an interview, remember?”

Mina glanced up from her book with her brow cocked.

“What tv show?” she asked.

Bette pointed in the direction of the camera crew and waved to them when she saw that they were still recording. Mina looked in that direction before rolling her eyes.

“I thought Billie said I wouldn’t have to talk?”

“That’s what she told me too-” Dot began.

“Well of course you have to talk, silly! It ain’t every day that you get to be on television!” Bette giggled, “Go on!”

“Bette, I’d rather not.”

“Wilhelmina Venable, you will stop acting like such an introvert and you will go do your interview just like everyone else has done!”

There was a long pause of silence as Mina made eye contact with Dot.

“D… Did you do one?” she asked quietly.

“Unfortunately.” Dot replied.

Wilhelmina groaned before standing up. Leaning upon the cane, she slowly sauntered over to the doorway to the room where the interviews were being held. She looked directly into the camera.

“I’m not going to bother even stepping into the room. All you need to know is that my name is Wilhelmina Venable and I live here. Good day.”

She walked in the opposite direction as Bette and Dot followed her down the hallway.

“Mina that was NOT an interview!” Bette called out.

“Yes it was!” Wilhelmina shouted back.

The camera crew all gazed at each other. A few members shrugged as others began to start cleaning up their equipment.

“I think that’s a wrap on the pilot!”

#howard house #collab fic #we hope you guys like it! let us know what you think #billie dean howard #audrey tindall #ally mayfair richards #sally mckenna #cordelia goode #lana winters #bette and dot tattler #bette tattler #dot tattler #wilhemina venable #ahs #american horror story #ahs imagine #ahs fic #american horror story imagine #american horror story fic

123 notes · View notes

beholdme · 3 years

Text

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 3

Chapters: 3/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can't help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2]

In the following weeks, as he sees Jon a few more times, Gerry's hair fades out and he looks rather more 'forest nymph' than 'American Gothic'.

So it's not much of a shock when the next time Jon catches sight of Gerry striding through the library stacks, his hair has been re-coloured. This time it's a smooth buttery yellow and Jon is struck by how young the warm, bright colour makes him look.

Gerry doesn't feel young though, he feels tired and bored and wrung out, and he wishes he had never agreed to take art commissions.

"It's only the one time!" Gertrude had insisted to a very put upon Gerry, very early in the morning. "And if he puts in a good word for you in his circles, your name will really be on the map in the art world."

Gerry wasn't particularly interested in being put on any maps, or being picked apart by rich, stuck up strangers, but he had agreed to try, mostly because Gertrude had put a lot of effort into making his passion for art an actual career and he felt like he owed her.

(He forgets, frequently, just how much of a commission she takes on the sales of his paintings).

So there he was, striding around the library at 7 am and desperately looking for exactly the right reference book. Unfortunately, it has been out of print for years, and Gerry can't seem to find a copy anywhere that won't cost him half a liver. He has the money now, but he refuses to pay half a month's rent to a second-hand retailer on principle.

Jon watches him skulk around for so long, (apparently forgetting that he is, in fact, a librarian) that Sasha comes out from her desk to ask Gerry if he's looking for something specific. She's wearing her big round glasses today and even indulged herself in her favorite waistcoat to beat the Monday blues.

"Why, yes." At this, Gerry looks directly up at Jon, where he is standing and watching him from the upper balcony level. Jon's face burns, and he ducks out of sight, but not earshot. "I do actually come here to borrow books, not boys." And he smartly feeds her the name of the reference book he has been hunting for almost an hour.

Sasha giggles at his antics, "We do have a copy of that, actually, but it's very popular. There's a waitlist; also it's checked out right now."

Gerry's whole demeanor sags and he sighs in defeat. "Guess I really will just have to order it off the internet, then." He eyes the stacks of books, old and new, looking vaguely betrayed.

"No!" Sasha's exclamation takes everyone a bit aback, being that they are in a library and all. "You know, my mate has this sweet little bookstore, and he loves hunting down rare copies of older books, he might have a copy?" She wrings her hands, eyebrows raised in question.

Gerry beams down at her, causing even stoic Sasha to blush and scurry off to get a piece of paper for the address.

They're already most of the way to the front desk by the time Jon realizes just which bookstore Sasha is busy recommending to the man he is dating , and just who owns that particular establishment.

By the time he manages to get downstairs to try to deflect the situation, Gerry is out the door, nothing left but the faint scent of oil paints and leather from his jacket.

***

Tim Stoker leaves Gerry feeling faintly dazed. By the time he stumbles out of the bookstore and into the tea room, elusive book in hand, he's forgotten everything he has ever known in the face of such intense flirting. And Gerry thought he was bad.

Throughout the whole episode at the library, the walk through Chelsea, and the exchange with Tim, Gerry had never once taken a moment to consider that Sasha's friend with a bookstore and Jon's Martin with a bookstore might be the same person.

He chooses to blame the lack of sleep and general disarray that is his life for the oversight.

Which is how, 9:30 in the morning, having been awake for almost 24 hours and completely finished, Gerry walks up to Martin in his tea room and says, "I'll have whatever is pink and in that jug, please. The biggest you've got."

Martin, of course, recognized him immediately. He would have recognized Jon's gothic childhood boyfriend from his social media stalking alone, but Jon's frantic texting was also a pretty big giveaway.

Martin: Relax, I don't bite clients this early in the morning. He's in safe hands with me.

Jon: HE KNOWS THINGS ABOUT ME. Besides, who's gonna stop him from biting you?

Martin: Whatever he has to tell me can’t possibly be worse than the office gossip I heard about you before we even meet.

Jon: W H A T

Now, here Gerry is before him, and he’s quite pleased with what he sees. Even tired and vaguely dazed, his presence in the little room carries a certain energy that Martin enjoys.

"Right away. Take a seat and I'll call you with it." Martin's voice is sweet, but gentle and firm, in a comforting sort of way. Through Gerry's sleepy haze, the instruction makes perfect sense, although he has neither paid nor offered a call name.

Gerry considers taking a seat on the plush bench that occupies one wall, before deciding that he desperately needs a cigarette, and wandering outside.

Technically he is only supposed to smoke at night when he's painting and needs just the right kind of boost, but he decides to call this one since he's on a painting-based errand when he's supposed to be sleeping.

"Gerry?" He turns toward the sound of his name, to find the barista offering him a large to-go cup of what he assumes is fruit ice tea. He frowns at having his name known (his new, much-preferred name, no less) and then frowns at a blonde, bespectacled man in a tea room attached to a bookstore.

His brain finally takes a moment to function, and he puts all the pieces together in an avalanche.

"Martin?" Far from his usual self-confident tone, the single word comes out in a squeak that would make even a toddler wince.

"Yes?" Martin returns the single word in the same solidly reassuring way, and even offers a happy smile.

"I didn't... I didn't recognize you."

"Would be pretty hard for you, considering this is the first we've ever met." Martin's voice is calming in a way that eases Gerry a bit, teasing and all.

"Thank you. For the tea, I mean." Gerry closes his eyes and desperately begs his shit to pull together for him, just this one time. "It's nice to finally meet you."

His hands are fully occupied with a book, a cup of tea, and a cigarette, but Martin doesn't seem particularly bothered by the lack of a hand to shake. "It's nice to meet you too. We're giving Jon a heart attack by doing it without him."

"That is the lawful good," Gerry says, after a long drag of his smoke. "A panicked Jon is a happy Jon, after all. Whatever would he do with himself without a situation to unnecessarily complicate?"

"Yes, the man does seem to thrive on anxiety, doesn't he?" Martin asks warmly, eyes crinkling around a fond smile. "Speaking of, you seem pretty wrecked yourself. Good party, I hope."

Gerry's answering laugh has a razor edge, "Not hardly. This fucking painting I'm working on will be the death of me." Gerry lifts the reference book as proof of trauma and stabs out his cigarette viciously.

"Hmm, sounds like a pain. I hope you typically find art a more enjoyable career?" Martin asks, tilting his head inquisitively. His curly hair moves fetchingly and Gerry catches himself tracking the movement.

"Mostly, yes. Although I keep the bartending gig for variety. You'd be amazed at the sort of inspiration someone can find in the right drunk crowd." Gerry grins, thinking of all the ridiculous things he’d seen walk in and out of the bar in his run there.

"I'd be very interested to see what kind of art you can turn that into. Maybe you'd like to show me sometime?" Martin's words are open and friendly.

Gerry eyes him for a minute, hiding behind a long taste of his drink. He's trying to suss out Martin's motivations, for his kindness and general geniality. The drink is good and it tips Gerry's mood far enough back into cheerfulness that he shrugs off his considerations for the time being.

"You know what," Gerry quips back. "I think I would like to show you sometime. How 'bout tonight."

It's not a question really, with Gerry's typical force of personality behind it, and he leaves the shop with Martin holding an address in his hand and a time to drag Jon over for dinner that evening.

***

Gerry does not make a big deal of Martin coming over. He acts as if any other friend is coming over for dinner.

He tidies, a little. Lights a few candles. Wears pants. The bare minimum really.

He isn't trying to impress anyone, he tells himself sternly.

Except he is, obviously. He doesn't know Martin very well yet, but he does want to keep Jon around, and they are a packaged deal these days. Which he was happy with, truly.

In their limited interaction, Martin had been sweet and put Gerry instantly at ease. He knows, from many years of working a bar, how to spot a dipshit, and feels confident in his assessment of Martin's character.

But, it's his own character that concerns him. People don't always like Gerry past surface interactions. He can be tempestuous and moody, and catching him tired is a pretty bad idea. The combination of artist and mommy issues can be jarring.

He desperately wants those things to not bother Martin though. He wants Martin to like him, and he's not interested in putting on a show to make it happen.

It occurs to Gerry an hour before they're due that he doesn't even remotely know what takeout to order for dinner.

(He knows what Jon will eat, and he obviously knows what he likes, but what about Martin? Why didn't he ask this morning? Why didn't he ask Jon earlier?)

Gerry is just starting to really panic about all the life choices leading up to this moment, when he gets a text from an unknown number, instantly filling him with relief.

Martin: Since you're hosting this time, I'll grab the take-out. Jon says you like Thai, I'll bring that. You got the drinks covered?

Gerry: As long as you drink either coffee, vodka, or water, yes.

Martin: I'm sorry, I subsist only on the blood of virgins.

Gerry: Oh dear. I couldn't tempt you to settle for Earl Grey?

Martin: Hmmm, yes, I'll accept your offerings this time.

***

The first knock comes right on time. Gerry, dressed in his best paint-stained jeans and cherry blossom kimono, opens the door with a flourish.

Martin allows himself to be welcomed in and hands the food off to the dramatic artist, who deposits it on the table where he has already set the tea tray.

"No Jon? Not that I mind quality ‘us’ time, of course."

Martin is busy taking in the rambling studio space and barely spares the attention to respond, although he manages a blush at the flirty tone. "He's, uh, running late. Work stuff. You know Jon."

Gerry smirks at that. "I do indeed. Is it a 'stumble in at 3am' late, or 'we could probably wait to eat' late?"

"Hmmm? Oh, let's wait a bit? If you don't mind." Martin seems equally taken with his painting wall and his book wall and keeps trading his attention between the two. The paintings, being the larger attraction, eventually win, and he meanders over to study them closer.

"Do you keep all the completed paintings around?" His voice is soft and reverent, and Gerry feels a rush of pride for his work.

"For a while. I like to make sure they're in their final forms before I release them into the wild." Martin blinks big brown eyes at him, before grinning and giggling slightly.

"You're very talented. Jon said as much, showed me the pictures, but words and photos are nothing compared to seeing the real thing." Martin really regards his paintings as if they're special, and rather than the prickly feeling of appraisal he feels during gallery nights, it fills Gerry with warmth.

He turns to examine the wall himself. It's filled with an eclectic group at the moment. Large abstracts made by pouring paint and then layering designs over, three-dimensional pieces painted and then embroidered or quilled over in select places, including a particularly wild eye design. Surreal faces and scenes that seem realistic except for the wild subject matter of planets in meadows and chimeras going to battle.

"Is this what comes from your adventures in bartending?" Martin asks Gerry, turning from the wall and towards the slightly taller man.

"That, and my traumatic childhood." Gerry makes sure to laugh at the last, taking the edge off the small confession.

"Obviously." Martin offers.

"Obviously." Gerry accepts.

***

Gerry and Martin drink tea on the floor while they wait for Jon. Gerry gently prods Martin through the story of how he came to open the bookstore. The blonde man even softly confessing that he had to lie on his CV to get the librarian gig at Magnus.

"How old are you? How did you convince them you had a Master's degree?" Gerry is incredulous. Not that he doesn't think Martin could have an advanced degree. But in paranormal research? Gerry hadn't even known that was an option.

"That's the thing! I'm only 29 now . I worked there for five years!" Martin's voice pitches up in disbelief. "I'm still in shock that anyone ever brought it. Desperate times, desperate measures, you know?"

"I do, actually." Gerry shifts slightly, adjusting his balance with the long remembered urge to flee from those desperate times. He fiddles with his teacup to distract himself. He brought this particular set from a pawn shop because the filigree and florals appealed to his love of colour theory. Soft pinks and corals warm against the cool aqua background.

"Jon says you wanted to go to art school when you two were younger."

It's not a question, but merely Martin offering the same space for openness that Gerry had given him.

"I never went. After my A-levels, I had to get away, and I never really stopped moving for long enough to go to uni when I was younger. Now I'm settled and it's not important to me anymore. Besides, no one asks for a copy of my phantom degree when I sell a painting. So I'm happy with how things turned out for the most part." He stops to consider the outline of a possible past for a moment, one where he didn't have to skip college and go ten years without seeing Jon. "Besides, can you imagine a 27-year-old in art school? The young ones would sacrifice me for more creative talent."

Their eyes meet for a moment, and then they laugh easily and move on to different topics, sliding through the easy stages of getting to know each other.

***

Jon does eventually arrive, looking panicked and harried. He de-ages 10 years when he finds them laughing and relaxed instead of tense and awkward.

So, the three of them eat cold Thai take out on the floor of Gerry's loft, leaning against the perfectly good couch. They share the odd intimacy of people who have known each other for very disjointed amounts of time but like each other just the same.

#the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #gerry keay #jongerrymartin #tma #fic #also on ao3

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snkpolls · 3 years

Text

SnK Episode 68 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 59 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

RATE THE EPISODE 53 Responses

The response was overwhelmingly positive with 88.7% of responses giving the episode a 4 or a 5. In addition, there weren’t any 1s or 2s this time around. A noted contrast to the previous episode. Suppose Sasha’s death ruined the experience for some.

it epic

I NEED MORE

awesome

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 55 Responses

The scene with the largest amount of reception (18.2%) was the final scene of the episode, where Eren repeats his mantra to himself in the mirror while revealing his new look. Behind that was the reveal that Armin is talking to Annie (10.9%). At a tie (9.1%), people most enjoyed Hange’s eccentric greeting to the Marleyan soldiers and Onyankopon explaining why he believes people are different. At another tie (7.3%), were the scenes where Sasha is enjoying Nicolo’s cooking, and the scene where Eren is washing himself at the sink.

WHAT WAS THE MOST EMOTIONAL PART OF THE VISIT TO SASHA’S GRAVE? 57 Responses

The visit to Sasha’s grave was packed with many tragic moments. According to the responders, the most emotional of those was Connie’s line about losing “his half” (47.4%). Following that we have the scene of grieving Mikasa with 24.6%. In third place is Nicolo’s general grief. Other responses were, in this order, Sasha’s Father agreeing to a free meal from Nicolo, seeing the girl that Sasha saved from a Titan all those years ago and simply Sasha’s family appearing.

AFTER SEVERAL TENSE AND ACTION PACKED EPISODES, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE TRANSITION TO SOMETHING MORE CALM? 53 Responses

Ever since the series started, AoT has had a clear contrast between the content of its episodes. Episode 68 of the series notably contrasts with the prior 3-4 episodes. So we wanted to know how the fans respond to these sorts of things. 32.1% stated that they enjoyed the slower paced episode after weeks of chaos. An equal number of responders (32.1%) noted that although they far preferred the action-based content, they understood the need for the slower episodes. A little over 13% said they actually preferred the exposition-esque content, so they were happy with the change and finally, a bit over 11% stated that they were indifferent.

I view exposition equally as important as action.

Watching the show dissect what happened before and after the attack on Marley made everything so clear, I love how they were able to capture the drama of both sequences

I'm definetly here more dialogue heavy epiodes and flashbacks but maybe with a slower pacing. It felt a little messy because the episode was also dealing with Sasha's as well as backstory. I think thst was probably intentional though.

They both have their merits.

Still feels great

WOULD YOU RATHER GET A SURPRISE GREETING FROM EREN & HANGE, OR ARMIN & LEVI? 55 Responses

Marleyan Soldiers got two sets of surprises in this episode. One from Eren and Hange, one from Armin and Levi. The fans would clearly prefer to get one of those from Eren and Hange (78.2%) than Armin and Lavi (21.8%).

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW HAPPY ARE YOU TO BE BACK ON PARADIS? 55 Responses

We recently returned to Paradis Island and according to the responders, it was a much wanted development, with 85.4% giving a 4 or a 5 when it comes to hype about the return to the island.

ARMIN SAYS THAT ONCE EREN INFILTRATED MARLEY, THERE WAS NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO ATTACK IN ORDER TO PREVENT IMMEDIATE RETALIATION. DO YOU AGREE WITH HIM? 55 Responses

The raid on Liberio is being questioned not only by the audiences, but also by the characters in-universe. Still, when it comes to Armin’s justification for the attack, the majority (69.1%) think that there was no other choice for Paradis, be it because they could afford to lose Eren/Founding Titan or because Marley would have retaliated easily. Others (~10%) think that they either should have made more effort to find Eren before it came to the raid or should have just let him go. 14.5% simply aren’t sure.

They had no choice but to retrieve Eren, but that doesn't necessarily mean a full blown attack. I think Armin is trying to convince himself here.

Yes. Marley could have captured Eren and had Zeke or someone else eat him for the founding powers.

DO YOU THINK IT’S PLAUSIBLE THAT MARLEY WILL FIND A WAY TO QUICKLY COUNTERATTACK ANYWAY? 53 Responses

When it comes to Marley, one could wonder if they will attempt a quick counterattack. 67.9% believe so, 15.1% dissent. And 9.4% state that they have been spoiled. For the write-in responder who feels that we are spoiling via the question itself, we assure you that anything we ask here had once been a matter of debate among manga readers when the corresponding chapters were fresh and we did not know the outcome. We would just like to give anime only watchers the same opportunity to have these debates.

I don't know.

The fleet has been destroyed, but what about the airforce (if they have one)? I doubt Paradis has the mean to counter that.

I'm not really sure honestly

This question is a spoiler itself: if you ask this, maybe it means that's what will happen. Thank you.

WHEN EREN FIRES HIS GUN AT THE END OF EMA’S TALK, IT TRANSITIONS TO SASHA TAKING A BULLET IN THE PREVIOUS EPISODE. DO YOU FEEL THAT THE NARRATIVE IS TRYING TO PIN THE BLAME SOLELY ON EREN? 55 Responses

Eren’s rifle shot was juxtaposed with Sasha’s death, showcasing a possible thread in the narrative. Does the narrative believe that Eren is to blame for Sasha’s death? 38.2% think it’s a yes and 45.5% think it’s a possibility. On the other hand, almost 11% don’t think the story is trying to go for that route.

While I don’t think it’s trying to pin the blame solely on Eren. I think it’s trying to say he shares a large portion of the blame.

He may be partly at fault, but not fully.

Yes. But they shouldn't. Because it was GabBitch who killed Sasha, and GabBitch alone.

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT ZEKE, YELENA AND THE VOLUNTEERS ARE SINCERE IN THEIR WISH TO HELP PARADIS? 55 Responses

Zeke, Yelena and Co. are a set of characters. Are they a trustworthy set of characters? Certainly up to debate. 67.8% believe they’re trustworthy to a degree, at the very least. In contrast to 23.6% who find no trust in them. A select few have been spoiled.

Mmm Yelena & co. maybe...I love Zeke but he's big sus this season

I think they are loyal to Zeke, and his goal is to get the funding titan. At the moment, this means allying themselves with Paradis, but that could easily change.

They are very sus, Yelena is especially loose. IDK who they'll be loyal too.

DO YOU THINK THAT EREN WANTS TO USE THE WALL TITANS AS A SIMPLE DETERRENT, OR DOES HE WANT TO FLATTEN THE EARTH? 55 Responses

The possibility of a Rumbling has been brought up more than a few times throughout the series (mostly this season) and the question remains, “will Eren use the Rumbling to flatten the Earth?” 60% think that’ll be the case, in contrast to almost 11% who dissent. 27.3% were already spoiled about the outcome.

That idiot definetly wants to flatten the earth. Empathy and logic has never been Erens strong suit.

DO YOU THINK THAT EMA HAVE BECOME MORE DISTANT FROM EACH OTHER? 55 Responses

The iconic EMA trio has been together through thick and thin, so something truly must happen for them to “break up”, so to say. Would one say that they have grown apart? 56.4% think so, but only insofar as Eren goes. 25.5% believe that they all have grown apart to a degree. 9.1% dissent to these assertions and a select few have been spoiled.

Even Mikasa and Armin seem distant! They were coping on their own after coming back to Paradis.

I like to refer to them as E MA. lol. Yehhhh anyway- somethings defs off with them.

ARMIN SAID HE DIDN’T SEE ANY NOTEWORTHY MEMORIES FROM BERTOLT WHEN EREN ASKED HIM ABOUT IT. DO YOU THINK HE’S BEING TRUTHFUL? 55 Responses

A whole bunch of people doubt Armin’s statement about not seeing anything useful in Bertolt’s memories (81.8%), though some (14.5%) think the boy’s telling the truth. A select few have been spoiled.

DO YOU THINK MIKASA IS LOSING HOPE IN THE WORDS THAT ONCE GAVE HER STRENGTH? 56 Responses

Long ago, Mikasa stated that one must fight, survive and win. If they don’t fight, they won’t survive and will lose. But with some losses drumming up on the plate, could she start doubting this mantra? 46.4% believe that we cannot say one way or another until we see more. 26.8% don’t believe that Sasha’s death will shake her confidence in that belief and it’s just a brief moment of doubt, in contrast to 23.2% who believe that Sasha’s demise will irreparably change Mikasa’s philosophy.

No....? I did't even realise she was that close to Sasha. I feel like if she loses Eren THEN she'll lose hope.

what words?

Mikasa deserves better than emo world destroyer Eren!!! She's too pure.

EREN SEEMED TO BE MISSING WHEN THE SURVEY CORPS WERE INTERACTING WITH THE VOLUNTEERS. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT MIGHT BE? 54 Responses

Eren wasn’t present when the others were interacting with the volunteers. Some believe it is noteworthy, others do not think so. 38.9% simply aren’t certain. 29.6% think it’s the SC decision to keep Eren away from Zeke’s followers. On the other, 20.4% predict that it was Eren’s own choice of isolation. A select few have simply been spoiled.

Didn’t notice this until now

Maybe he had already left for Marley?

ARMIN WAS HOPEFUL THAT THEY COULD SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS THROUGH DIPLOMACY. EREN FELT THAT PEACE WAS NEVER AN OPTION. WHO DO YOU AGREE WITH MORE? 54 Responses

A noted contrast in Eren and Armin’s beliefs was showcased in this episode. 57.4% find themselves siding more with Eren’s anti-diplomatic measures, while 42.6% support Armin’s more peaceful ways.

WE GOT A GLIMPSE OF ANNIE IN THIS EPISODE. WHAT BEST MATCHES YOUR THOUGHTS? 55 Responses

Annie has been encased in that crystal for years at this point, both in and out of universe. Is she going to get out of that crystal? Just a little over 69% believe so, in contrast to the one person who doesn’t. 23.6% were spoiled one way or another.

Sis is running out of time...it would really suck if her 13 years were up before she even got out of her lil crystal

This has GOT to wake up, surely.

She got a nose reduction surgery

HOW DO YOU THINK ZEKE WILL RATE HIS STAY AT THE HOTEL OF GIANT TREES? 55 Responses

Zeke seemed shocked to find his hotel to be a forest of Giant Trees. An iconic location, seen throughout the series. We asked how you believe Zeke will rate his stay. A plurality (40%) think that he won’t be there long enough to do so. 29.1% believe he’ll give it an average score, in contrast to 23.6% who imagine Zeke loving his getaway! 7.3% have been spoiled.

WHAT BEST DESCRIBES YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT PIXIS ARRESTING THE VOLUNTEERS? 55 Responses

It would appear Pixis detained the volunteers while the SC were away. The majority (52.7%) don’t find it to be a controversial decision, noting that both parties have a mutual understanding between each other. A noted minority (29.1%) thought that it was actually the best course of action, arguing that the Paradisian Military has no way of knowing whether the volunteers are trustworthy or not now that Zeke is here on Paradis. In contrast, 18.2% thought that it was mistake, given how much assistance the Volunteers have provided to the islanders.

WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THE WAY THE PARADISIANS ARE SEEN TREATING MARLEYANS? 55 Responses

We saw some noted mistreatment of Marleyans by the Paradisians this episode. So we asked the responders what their thoughts were on this development. A plurality (47.3%) couldn’t say one way or the other and needed to see more to pass their judgment. 34.5% were open in their condemnation of those actions, in contrast to the 12.7% who were supportive of such activities.

Cycle of haaaate. No one is justified in acting that way but it's understandable that they do

Some good, some bad. Military police doing the worst of course.

An eye for an eye ✌

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

I don't know what to say anymore. This episode made me question my previous ideologies regarding the characters

In my opinion, this episode has more fanservice than usual, from the ship moments of Levihan and Aruani, and to the display of Mikasa's ass and Eren's abs, but Mappa is not over the top and can still get the plot moving and still have those moments that can move the viewers.

I believe in Onyankopon supremacy

Even though I love Mappa post timeskip designs, the pre timeskip design of some characters seemed a bit off to me (particularly Armin and Eren). It distracted me a bit from the action.

Eren standing Infront of the mirror was way better in manga. Mappa need to put more effort. No hate tho.

Idk, didn't blow me away. I'm seriously concerned for Armin, he's definetly losing it. Appreciated the flashbacks and the new characters too. Onyankopon has captured my mf heart, if he dies, I die too. 😌

Chad Eren

Niccolo x Sasha OTP

What the shit dude…

Gabi will forever be the worst character to me, no matter what the anime tries to do to justify her

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 54 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who responded!

#snk poll #snk polls #snk spoilers #snk s4 #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot

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dxrksong · 3 years

Text

Chapter 5 part 2

Warning: headaches??

-----------

You ended up falling asleep somehow. You jolted awake to the sound of something falling against the ground somewhere.

Someone must've tripped somewhere. You looked around your room to find the Jims and the Red Google Android were still in your room, The Jims passed out on the floor and Cherry was up against the wall in rest mode.

You smiled and looked down to find the book of the supernatural you had gotten the Jims was open and many different talismans were on the floor. Some were half finished but that didn't stop you from going over to pick up one

Only for it to shock you. It was small like the kind you'd get from rubbing your feet on a carpet while wearing socks. But it was enough to warn you to wear some gloves or something before you touch those again.

You recoiled your hand from the talismans, going to get up so you could wake up the others. You went over to the Jims first, shaking them awake like you've done before

Y/N: how long were you up?

CameraJim: *yawns* not much longer than MirrorJim? Maybe an hour?

Mic nodded along

Y/N: good, so uh. Think you can clean up the mess you to made?

Mic: huh? Oh-right! Sorry MirrorJim!

Y/N: it's fine. So uh-I hope you're not going to try to exorcise someone in here. We have several undead here, you know that right?

Camera: wait

Mic: we do??

Y/N: ……...YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT???!

Camera: W-Well we knew StaticJim is a demon but that's about it!!

Y/N: ……….I'm one of those, I hope you realize that.

Mic: well yeah, MirrorJim came from a mirror after all, not even the Jims can do that.

You nodded

Y/N: just…...be careful? I'd hate for you guys to do something you'd regret later.

The Jims nodded

CameraJim: don't worry MirrorJim! We'll be careful!

Y/N: good! How about after we wake Cherry, we figure out just what I am?

You didn't think the Jim's eyes could get any bigger.

------------

Unfortunately the four of you didn't really find anything. It was mainly difficult since you had a solid form and besides the mirror thing and your little episode a few nights ago, there wasn't much evidence that separated you from the normal vengeful ghost to a straight up demon!

Needless to say you were all quite disappointed, You of all people wanting to know just what you could do.

You completely neglected to mention the time manipulation but you doubt that'd help in your search.

You sighed, leaning back

Y/N: well that was a bust. Want to go see just how badly those morons tore up the house?

Cherry: my calculations suggest at least a few broken windows and torn up furniture!

Camera: I bet they broke the TV!

Mic: alright fine then, I bet they dyed someone's hair blue and wrote on the first one that passed out with sharpie, what about you?

You hummed

Y/N: I think they all drunk themselves into a stuper and it was Captian Magnum that tripped earlier and is currently face first on the stairwell!

Camera: Onwards!!!!

The Jims led the charge out your room and you giggled, getting up and running out as the Googleplier opted to walk calmly.

Turns out all of you were right! Well except for the blue hair dye. But literally everything else had happened. Captian Magnum face first on the stairs and everything!

Y/N: we weren't betting money right?

Mic: no.

Y/N: good. Oh!! I just got a brilliant idea!! Can I trust you three to start breakfast as I go do something??

Camera and Mic shared a look

Camera: uhhh sure?

Y/N: Great!! Thanks!!

You dashed back to your room, going back to the bags on your floor and scooping them all up. You had gotten each of the ego's something while you were at the mall. So you went into each of the ego's rooms and left their gift there

Like a little secret Santa hehehe!

You returned to the kitchen, looking over to see that some of the smarter ego's who decided to just sit and watch the chaos earlier were sitting at the table.

Meanwhile Cherry and the Jims were struggling to prepare breakfast, Cherry three seconds away from dragging the Jims away from the stove.

You rolled your eyes, going over and shooing the Jims away, telling them to get some more ingredients before taking over breakfast.

You've hadn't made food for this many people as far as you're aware but with Cherry's help, you managed to get it done.

Dark yawned as he entered the kitchen, seeming to do a double take when he saw you cooking happily with a hum.

You were in such a bad mood yesterday you're almost surprised yourself. Luckily you have friends to cheer you up for moments like that!

Y/N: good morning, you party animal.

Dark: good morning…..good to see you're in a good mood today.

You shrugged

Y/N: turns out I was just tired!

Cherry: correct. Emotional and mental health are tied to energy levels. Y/N displayed high levels of emotional distress last night with the avoidance and the lack of response.

You just slowly turned to the Android, giving him a look that basically said everything for you.

That was a little bit of too much info. Now everyone is gonna treat you like a snowflake.

Dark: Y/N, I know things are difficult for you. But if you need to talk to someone-

Y/N: who the hell could I talk to that could COMPREHEND, much less keep quiet about the bullcrap I'm going through??

The two of you stared at each other for a good three minutes before it clicked.

He was offering to be your Therapist because he knew that Wil would probably slip up eventually and Mark probably wouldn't know anything about Identity crisis's.

Y/N: ……….o h. Uhhhhm

Do you trust him now or is he still on thin ice???? You can't remember with the whole everything going on lately.

You were more or less pretending to be angry after all, you don't personally know Dark besides the videos you saw on the internet…..

Cherry: Y/N, the pancakes.

You squeaked before turning back to the food, managing to save the pancakes before they burned. You sighed in relief as the others walked into the room.

Chef: O-OY!! I thought I'M the cook here!

You stopped what you were doing before turning your head slowly to you, your neck creaking slightly as you stared at the chef. Several minutes went past as the room went silent.

Chef:

Y/N: sit down

Chef: ok.

Chefiplier went to sit down with the rest of the ego's.

Dark: if I may Y/N, that was absolutely terrifying.

Y/N: oh please, it's just the tired mom glare

Cherry: you seem to be well practiced in it.

Y/N: yeah….

You started setting food on the table, not really saying anything else on the topic

Yancy: wow y/ns, didn't think you were such a good cook!

You smiled

Y/N: thanks Yancy!

Dark: so, Y/N. I was thinking and how about you and me-

Y/N: no.

Dark: …...what?

Y/N: no.

You were unruly calm despite the upset little frown on Dark's face.

Y/N: no I don't think I'm going to be doing anything today. I'm just gonna take some pain killers for my headache and stay in my room all day, how about that? Unless I need your permission to go to my room to Mister Social Manipulator?

The entire room had more or less fell silent at that, fearing Dark's reaction and for your safety.

Cherry: y/n-

Dark: no…..no, you don't need my permission. If you needed a break, you should've told us instead of bottling it up. Seems you've picked up how to do that as well during your little coma.

You chuckled

Y/N: you have no idea….

You turned to leave the room, not bothering to eat something. Your headache needs more attention than your stomach. You stepped into Dr.Iplier's office and raided the medicine cabinet.

You could've taken all the medication but you were better than that as you grabbed some pain killers and took a few pills.

You sighed, hopefully they set in soon. You started walking to your room when you found Magnum in the halls nearby

Mag: oh-um! Ahoy dere first mate! Ye feelin' alright….?

Y/N: yeah….hopefully the medicine will kick in sooner or later. I'm gonna go lay down, you have a good day Captian.

You patted Mag's arm before walking away

Mag: a-alright. Be sure ta tell us if somet'in is bother'n ye alright?

Y/N: I'll try!

You went to your room, falling face first onto your bed and passing out

---------

(Ok so maybe not a three parter.)

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momijis-sunglasses · 5 years

Text

so in my post-first-two-episodes-of-furuba glow, I went home and watched the first episode of the 2001 anime again.

hoo boy.

it was FASCINATING.

it’s definitely become a little more common for the same story to receive multiple adaptations. but here we have two first episodes that cover the exact same chapter in the manga, end on the same story hook, and even have plenty of similar shots. but the overall impression and tone is incredibly different between the two. and it’s so revealing for why i’m optimistic about the new anime and have big issues with the 2001 adaptation.

SPOILERS

-the 2019 anime has the huge benefit of knowing the entire story. starting out with a flashback to the bond first being created between god and the animals is a great idea. it gets a hint of the supernatural in there early for new viewers, and it’s giving you a visual metaphor (the ropes aka literal bonds) of one of the key themes of the series. the new anime is being made with the awareness of the rest of the series, and that’ll improve things so much. they’re already really teasing the hat, and even kyo’s beads. it’s nothing too overt, just little nudges at the viewer that serve as a fun thing for existing fans and ways to tease the mystery for new fans.

-the scene where Tohru first finds the house and meets Shigure have very, very similar scripts between both versions. and I wish I had the new version in front of me right now because I can’t provide specific examples of why this is -- but I was left with a much more natural impression from the new version. the directing is just better. I think the 2001 anime has the problem of being too abrupt constantly. it’s like nothing’s given room to breathe. in the new anime, there’s a really nice transition into a flashback (lots of flashbacks in this episode haha) using the wind chime at Shigure’s to one at Tohru and Kyoko’s apartment. and actually going into the apartment gives the whole flashback a better sense of place. this is also where it starts being really apparent how much more static the old anime is. i do think they generally did the best with what they had, but there are more pans over still frames and the characters expressions are usually flat. the new anime is 1000% more dynamic.

-which also contributes to the comedy! there’s the same funny “what do you have in there, a dictionary?”/”two dictionaries” gag in both, but it lands better in the new anime. it’s more background chatter than anything, actually, so it feels more like incidental funny dialogue. like these people just banter and bug each other on the reg. the 2001 anime makes everything more slapstick and over the top, and 2019 tones it back to something more naturalistic. which i’m happy about, because when i think fruits basket, i think dry humor more than anything.

-also! eric vale! i’ve never blamed him for this, but his performance is sooooo much better in the new anime. he was definitely a newer voice actor (like a lot of the cast) when the 2001 anime came out, but I blame a lot of the issues I had with his performance before on the voice directing. there are so many times in the old episode where Yuki sounds straight up creepy. i don’t know if they were going for mysterious, but they didn’t get there that’s for sure. he’s more regular and a bit suave in the new one, which makes sense for this part of the story. yuki’s just like.. a huge improvement between these two versions. I always felt like the director of the 2001 anime didn’t get Yuki at all. like he thought he was actually a prince and also just wanted to make a cool character so girls would swoon and buy merch or w/e. I just want Yuki to get his due as a character, dammit!

-if you haven’t watched the original in a while and have hulu or netflix, fire that shit up because the transition to school is sooooo bad. first the prince yuki fanclub and their weird chant thing... and then uo and hana’s introduction is also super abrupt and we’re just firing through these scenes real fast. the new one has the same events happen, but again, it’s more natural. no weird chant! the prince yuki club has just cornered tohru in a hallway and are berating her. a boy even walks past and is like, “yikes, bullying.” because it totally is! the timing on uo and hana to the rescue is a lot better. and i think because of that, it allows the comedy more time to develop so that’s it’s actually funny and not just confusing. also all three of them feel more like comfortable friends. like we’re witnessing their usual dynamic. since the 2001 director was always going for comedy, it almost feels more like an interrogation in the old version.

-THIS! CHANGE! IS SO IMPORTANT! so the 2001 anime races through tohru telling us why she’s living in a tent. lightspeed. we have time for the prince yuki fan club chant, but we can’t spend too much time establishing the drama of the situation. in the 2001 anime, we transition to a literal slideshow basically recreating panels from the manga while tohru monologues over it about how her mom died in an accident but she wound up with her grandpa and he asks her to go live with a friend for a while. we all know the story. the new anime, on the other hand, transitions to an actual flashback, not a still image, of tohru as a kid balancing a checkbook while she explains how her dad passed away and her mom had a tough time all by herself. it’s really sad! and it’s so much more effective to show her as an actual kid worrying about money stuff and making dinner. they also showed a heap of blood instead of a car hitting a wall to represent kyoko’s death, which... woof. and then we get an actual scene of her grandpa asking her if she can stay with a friend. which, again, gives us more time to actually feel the situation she’s in. but also works so well because he phrases it as an option for her. he says he’s worried she won’t be comfortable stuffed into a small house with a ton of people so she might be happier staying elsewhere for a while. and then tohru, OF COURSE, takes that consideration and goes to live in a tent. the transition (which is different between the two) to tohru cleaning up a storm at her job was also a moment of genuine, sweet comedy.

-yuki talking to tohru on the way home is kind of interesting, since the two adaptations treat it in kind of opposite ways? in the 2001 anime there’s that ~mysterious~ music while he tells her random zodiac facts and then silent tension (which I actually quite like) when he gives her that enigmatic “it’s not that i don’t like all cats” look. in the new one it’s a more normal conversation? like they’re just chatting. and then it turns when she realizes there’s something more to it and the music got pretty intense and there’s A Moment. i think it’s less outright sinister in the new one. seriously, i’m waiting for 2001 yuki to start monologuing about his master plan to take over the earth any time.

-shigure laughing at tohru’s tent is straight up funnier in the new one. the timing is better. also his continued laughter and yuki’s little “oh you’re done now?” was really well handled. that joke falls flat in the old version.

-and i don’t know how they do it because, again, these episodes have the same runtime and cover the same material, but this whole scene definitely feels like it takes it’s more time in the new anime. it’s not overstaying it’s welcome or anything. it’s punchy and funny and i loved seeing the characters play off each other. but even shigure opening the door to reveal the gross kitchen is given more of a beat to it, so you have a second to laugh. and him hearing the dog howling isn’t the most awkward thing you’ve seen anymore.

-since we’ve had more time to understand tohru’s situation and even her mom (kyoko is finally allowed to be herself and not Cliche Dead Mom!) through flashbacks in the new anime, tohru clawing at the dirt to get the picture of her mom is actually pretty heart-wrenching. you get it more. everything she has in the world is in that tent and she doesn’t have anything but pictures to remember her mom by. this is what i’m so excited about in the new anime. if you give more time to build motivations and drama, because you understand that’s important to storytelling, then the emotional parts will hit that much harder

-tohru telling shigure about the day her mom died! I've always loved this scene, because it's one of the few times Tohru actually opens up to someone (who's not Kyo :P)about feeling crappy. amazing what a fever can do. these two scenes are so interesting, because they're actually really similar. we get the exact same info, and some of the shots of tohru lying on the futon are basically identical. but once again, the 2001 anime does a lot more telling us what happened. some shots are obvious budget-saving measures, like an extended shot of the paper wall/door with tree shadows waving. (what room are they supposed to be in?? for some reason, I always thought that was the kitchen) (actually the reason was all the rats are behind that door) (you KNOW there are rats in that kitchen) the 2019 anime, on the other hand, goes back to those old reliable flashbacks. we get a repeated (and longer) shot of kyoko going out the door, and you realize as the scene goes on and tohru explains she didn't even wake up to see her leave that morning, that it's an imagined scene or a memory of another day. which is... oof. make me feel all those feelings, please. we also get more actual kyoko dialogue, which is always a good thing.

-I also love yuki showing up after she's fallen asleep, having overheard anything, and saying he could've left the sohma compound to live in a tent. uh, I mean, I love it in the manga and the new anime. I won't put this on the original production staff and more on the original English dub, but oh boy is yuki kind of petulant and whiny in that scene. he sounds very petty and jealous and I don't like it. he's definitely envious of her to a degree (and beating up on himself), but he's also pretty in awe I think. ANYWAY I felt the new dub fixed this, so I wasn't like, what's your problem, dude?

-yuki and the rats is still weird lol (honestly being able to "communicate" with their animal is dropped so damn fast in the manga. I only like it for the payoff of the birds running away from kureno.)

-actually, one of the only things I prefer in the 2001 anime is tohru waking up to her mom's photo right next to the futon. I love the idea of yuki setting it up there real quietly while she sleeps, knowing it's the thing she was most worried about. so cute! but one point for the new dub: i'm assuming tohru says "oka-san" when she wakes up. since it's three syllables and zoomed in on her mouth they've changed(?) it to "I miss you" in English and just stab me right through the heart why don't you!!

-it seems like everyone's saying this, but that staircase scene! it's not even really a scene. but I love it! a cramped little switchback-y staircase. this show is making me feel like i'm IN shigure's house. it's also shot cool, and the reveal of kyo in the tree is great. I love that it's not pointed out so obviously, and he's just there. (it'd be hard to miss him though)

-then of course we end on kyo jumping through the whole damn roof (he really blasts through it in 2019 haha) and everyone turning into animals. no huge differences, but I want to fast forward a little to talk about kyo. jerry jewell may be the member of the returning cast who sounds the most "similar" to his old rendition of the character, HOWEVER. there's a huge change in acting and vocal direction. it might seem like a small change, but it's not! it's really big! in the 2001 anime he jumps through that roof and says a punny line (it would take kyo 6 months to come up with that lbr) and rah-rah rages through the next few episodes when he's not acting sheepish. now he sounds much less like he's just angry and more like he BLURTS things. a thought comes into his head and BLURT it's out of his mouth. because of the increased range in emotional expression on all their faces, we can see that he seriously feels guilty and conflicted about being mean to tohru. like there is some depth there to be mined. it's so much more obvious that the people around him can easily push him to the point of blowing up, and that he doesn't feel in control of himself. I give major props to the animation team, the anime director, and the dub director (I would trust Caitlin Glass with my actual life at this point) for pulling this off. because it seems subtle! but it really is a big difference!

I used to be a pretty staunch believer that we DID NOT need another anime adaptation of fruits basket. I know a lot of people wanted it, but I really never did. I love the manga so much, and think it's masterfully done. after the original anime, I didn't want more of it. mostly, because I didn't trust anyone to do it right. a lot of the changes made by the original anime may seem "small" to many people, but what makes furuba so great to me IS all those tiny nuances. change a tiny detail, and you may have changed the whole feel of a scene or an important interaction. the manga is pretty quiet, for most of it's run. little moments build up to create a big, beautiful tapestry. so I was happy reading my manga over again and not worrying about anyone else ever touching it to bring it to moving color.

so i'd say I was likely to be a harsh judge. and I was really, REALLY impressed with what they accomplished. i'm sure there'll be some decision I disagree with later. they'll cut some scene I love or i'll disagree with the emphasis on something somewhere. but they've really built up a lot of goodwill with me. I LOVED watching these characters on screen and seeing them interact. seeing them all eat around the table together felt like coming home. like settling down for another furuba reread.

and it's all the stuff above that made me feel that way. seemingly little tiny details and differences. again, we're talking about the exact same story! it's told with almost the same lines and the same characters and many of the same jokes. but it really felt different, because of small changes. and a much better understanding of what furuba is.

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket spoilers #furuba spoilers #text #a mountain of text i can't be stopped

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modern-oedipus · 4 years

Text

Check-List for the Goals I settled for 2019

The funny mistake I’ve made earlier lead me think about what I’ve expected from 2019 when we started it. I found a list of the goals I made while we were entering the new year’s and here is a realistic evaluation of how it went.

• First of all, I wanted to manage my depressive episodes better. I wanted to have them less frequently. I wanted not to be absolutely crashed if a trigger hit me. Here’s how it went with a rough statistics (yes, because I’m a soon-to-be scientist, I actually made a graph of my own mood swings as if I am a test subject).

✔️ January was absolutely terrible for me. I had so much anxiety because of a toxic relationship and I wasn’t sure if I could ever live without that person. I failed two classes and withdraw a third one. I was super anxious about my internships. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be on the path I was and I was also having financial troubles. Also, one of my pet birds had passed away.

✔️ February was the month I truly felt like something in me was changing for the better. I felt like something clicked after the winter break— when I was, in a funny way, forbidden from consuming sugar for three days. I used to eat a lot of sugar/sweets to cope with my stress back then, to the point I still amaze at myself for not being overweight, plus size, or developing diabetes; because I really was eating too much sweets. But then I had a conversation with my father that feels unworldy, and combinated with the tree days no sugar diet and beginning of the new semester I suddenly felt like, even if I couldn’t fix everything, I could fix something. I had to start, regardless of how little. So I started by eating carefully— so significiantly less sugar consumed than I used to be, but I didn’t force it all at once. So if I were eating 3 brownies a day I decreased it step by step to 2 brownies a day, one brownie a day, and... At November 2019, it is probably a brownie once in 15 days. With even more pleasure than eating 3 brownies at once. (Don’t worry, I still let myself be free of eating whatever I want occassionally. I’m taking care of my health). Anyway. I started to hit up gym in my college for first time ever. I was so painfully inconsistent, but I knew that much was to be expected, so instead of getting angry at myself for not being a regular I just appreciated myself for going despite not being a regular.

✔️ March was a turnpoint. I decided to be bold enough to pursue my ex hobbies that I lost because of depression, one of them being writing. I’ve had a strong muse for Norman back then. I made a new account on Facebook. I knew no one, but to my luck I made so many friends. I drowned in NorRay ship with a very nice roleplay partner. I built new friendships away from the toxic partner of mine who was seriously causing a lot of damage on me. By the end of March we broke up and— surprise, my world didn’t end. I felt so refreshed, so alive, as if I was freed of my chains, and up until this day this feeling stands. I was more eager to pursue new hobbies, talk about my interests and do crazy shit instead of worrying my ex would think. I was happier. Much happier. This too, is still valid.

✔️ April was... unworldly. Because something that relates to my society happened as a big improvement and I was extremely positively surprised. This feeling is valid up to this day as well.

✔️ May... May was wild. I got kissed by a random stranger at the spring fest party. This fucking event lead me to write Conflict. Seriously. I built stronger friendships, online and offline, during this month. I felt truly connected.

✔️ June!!! June was so weird! It was my first break after one or maybe two years of depression. It was my first free holiday in which I didn’t reall feel like I was a waste of time, space, effort, money, etc. I got to walk around streets with a burden off my shoulders after so long. I got to look forward to the next days. The insecurities hit me up sometimes, but significantly less frequently, as I aimed in the beginning of the year. At this point I have had lost a good 5 kgs and had been eating very healthily too, and I was enjoying this new healthier lifestyle I adapted. This is still valid too.

Let’s examine June a little more carefully. At the end of the June I was going to go out of town to have an internship at a very prestigious university out of town. Which meant I had to stay in student dorms. I had no background about my field of internship yet. I was going to be utterly alone and I was freaking out about it. I’ve spent last week of June extremely tense because I don’t live in dorms normally and sharing a space with people and being alone at a professional place and things like doing laundry felt terrifying. But at the same time I was proud of myself because I’ve had always wondered how life would be living in a college campus, and this school I went was the best in my country equal to the university I am attending. Overall, it was prestigious and I was very excited.

Another important thing about June was that I’ve had written almost ALL of Conflict in my head with two of my roleplay partners eagerly listening to me and encouraging me whenever I plotted.

Have you noticed this?

My story was completed BEFORE I even posted.

At the end of June, a few days before I was about to leave for the internship, I had a breakdown. I had a bad breakdown. I had first draft of Conflict completed but I could never get to edit it. I could never get to post it. I didn’t even have an account. I didn’t really expect much interest in the story either, I just... I don’t know. I think I just thought, “Wow, this plot is so feelsy. I shouldn’t keep it buried in me. Maybe other people will love it too.” and I... kept Conflict waiting... for so long. Then I had a breakdown thinking I can’t do a fucking thing right and I’ll never get to post anything because I always let my “depression” take over it— which is a funny excuse because I wasn’t even depressed at June. Scared yes, but not depressed. I hate playing the victim. Objectively speaking, I wasn’t at my best but it wasn’t my worst either. Anyway. I left first chapter of Conflict linger there for a few weeks, hopeless that I could ever post.

✔️ Then comes July. I came to the internship city! It was AWESOME. I LOVED the campus, LOVED the experience, LOVED my field, and ENJOYED dorm life. I made many friends. I had roommates. I worked out more often. I went to sightseeing. I extended my network. I did A LOT of fun stuff.

On the first night I was at dorms, my two roommates were out. I didn’t know anyone yet. I had ONE night free to do anything. I was... in an awe. So I opened the documents. I looked at the pretty sight from my dorm room and I said, “Well, let’s do this.”

It was like a torture to finish that first chapter.

I had no expectations when I posted.

But oh my god, it felt like something clicked when I posted! Getting my story POSTED was a significant proof that I was SERIOUSLY moving on from the LAST traces of depression. It was something I created. It was MY productivity. It was ME. But in a way it was everyone. I felt extremely happy. Oh— did I mention Conflict is my first fanfiction?

Anyway, then I began to look forward to updating. Living in campus had it’s amazing advantages, such as no time wasted on transport, and ability to chill at coffee shops or 24/7 open library ALL NIGHT if I wanted. Which was wayyy less depressing than the environment of my house. I wrote. I felt super engaged. The simple fact that I could exist and produce something and have other people respond to it was something I could never imagine myself doing back on my depressed days. (But I could totally imagine this BEFORE I got in depression. In a way, I was back. I am still back. And I’m so grateful.)

I wasn’t only fooling around to write, though. I’ve been learning a lot. Experiencing a lot. Living a lot. It was amazing. I even binge watched Harry Potter with my roommate— and I hadn’t rewatched it before. (I had fucking forgotten that Sirius died, lmao.)

I also briefly fell in love again. It was a nice brief summer thing. Still think she’s amazing.

I need to go now, actually, so I’m abrubtly cutting this post off halfway to edit later. I don’t know what I earn by sharing this. I’m definitely not looking for attention— maybe you’ve realized it before but I give very little fucks about what people around me say (except for constructive critism). But somehow, I felt as if someone needed to see this. I don’t know that person. I don’t know who they are and when they are reading this. I just want people to know that there is an example of a girl who seriously changed a lot within span of a year by constant hard work, gentle-self-talks, and constant push-throughs even when she’s not motivated. Right now I’m far from being depressed nor suicidal, I’ve lost enough weight to dress up all bold clothes I LOVE to wear, I’ve built self-confidence, etc, as I will edit later. I just... want you all to know... even if this is not valid for everyone if you want something to happen you have to MAKE it happen. And it actually HAPPENS when you MAKE it happen. So, you don’t have to stay stuck in a bad cycle. You don’t even need a new year’s eve to do this. I started at february, see?

So do your best! I’m cheering for you!

Edit: I’m back. So point of this post was to check whether I’ve reached my goal of having less frequent depressive episodes. (Because I know I’m human and depressive episodes can hit ANYONE, so I didn’t have an unrealistic “I’ll never experience this again” expectation but I did have the expectation of “I’ll experience this maybe once or twice in a year, move on fast w/o unhealthy coping mechanisms and I’ll stay connected to LIFE instead of dissosciation” and I’ve achieved this.

A fast summary would be,

July built my self confidence at all aspects, from my hobbies to my career, my social skills to my curiosities. It was amazing.

August-September was vacation. One month of having a blissful vacation without feeling like a burden. One month of having full bliss. No depressive episodes not even once. I was regularly working out and I didn’t gain any weight even though I eat sweets and nice food everyday because of “holiday”. I went to a dietician in the end to find out my blood sugar is very healthy and my weight is normal now.

At the end of September & beginning of October I was nervous because of school, but I handled a lot better. I have done my best. I have truly done my best. I attended almost all lectures, I engaged in the material, asked all questions on my mind, went office hours, stayed active in newspaper, continued to hit up gym regularly, built more friendships, ALSO STAGED A THEATRE TEXT I HAVE WRITTEN LIKE THAT WAS AMAZING, and— and—

I don’t know, fast through November it doesn’t feel enough. I don’t know what I’ve honestly expected. But I expected to feel smarter or something, because science is hard shit. I expected better grades than this because I have honestly given it my all best. But the fact that my friends called me to reassure me made me really happy because one of my other goals was to build friendships and to think people, online and offline, check up on me makes me tear up. Especially when they are genuniely by my side as friends. It just feels so nice. So I’m feeling bittersweet.

I couldn’t lose any more weight since June, but I kept gaining/losing in some balance and I’m stable by now. My aim for February is to... lose 10 kgs in total— in a year. Which means I’ve got 4 kgs left to get rid of extra weight. I’m not really obsessed with body image, I’ve never been, but... What will I even do if I do not eat healthy and exercise? I mean, what’ll I even do? I like exercising and healthy eating. So I should just prevent stressful eating further so I can get rid of all the extra stuff. I’m already wearing all the pretty clothes I want and I do get stares because ;; idk they look cute I’m cute. Not in a narcissitic way. But self-love is important. I’m bi anyway, I do think girls are cute so since I’m a girl why shouldn’t I be cute as well?? A very feminine girl in fact, so like, hell yes, at least Nila can now wear whatever she wants and feels like she looks good on them so ONE OF THE MAJOR GOALS OF 2019 is fucking SETTLED!!

I’m planning to meet up my dietician again soon, and say that, “Look, I’ve come this far. Let’s lose 4 kgs in next 4 months. It makes 1 kg a month. Amazingly managable right? So guide me so I don’t ruin my health while thinning.”

So, I’ve managed my three major goals: Get rid of depression (learn how to burn it if it hits you); get a body you not only appreciate but feel genuniely HAPPY to be in; and built friendships and strengthen your bonds with people.

My two other major goals are incompleted, though. To cut it short, I wanted to get a better academic standing— from my first midterm grades I couldn’t really achieve that no matter how hard I tried, which is truly upsetting, but I have no choice but to go on. I love my major. I love science. I genuniely want to stay in this field. I don’t think I’m too idiotic to be a scientist. Sometimes I do think that, okay, but that’s a common thought in STEM majors. I do want to believe that what I work on will make a difference. It will have a meaning. So even though these results... are very discouraging to the point I felt really bad today, as if I could somehow, I don’t know, have a panic attack or something (I did not, I don’t have chronic anxiety or panic attacks or whatever, never experienced this). I just felt close to it, with increased heartbeat and feeling a bit dizzy and also very... imbalanced. But that’s probably because I didn’t eat well today, I unintentionally ate very little hence probably it exhausted me combined with bad news and saturday’s breakdown. Anyway. I have no choice but to go on, believing it will be better. My last major goal was to have a romantic partner, haha. Because I just want to. I mean, I don’t think I need to justify why I’d want a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and I don’t think I worked hard for this goal lol. I mean, I didn’t go out of my way to reach people. I liked like... three people this year, I still like one of them, but... It didn’t... go far. That’s probably because I still haven’t completely shaken off my shyness and unwillingness to get out of my comfort zone.

In conclusion, I have achieved 3/5 of my goals, which is more than half of it! So good job! For the girlfriend/boyfriend part, I, haha, I may neglect it for this year I mean it’s dumb to date someone just because??? You want to date before year ends right??? I mean, I’m not exactly angry at myself for that because it’s not only in my control so I think I forgive myself for not achieving that goal.

Academics though.

Ugh, academics are extremely terrifying to me.

That’s one big thing I need to settle.

On the bright side I have— two months! Silly me thought I have just one! So... let me... work hard in these two months!!!! And I’ll update if I can get a better GPA this semester. And if I get a lover. It’s ok not to have lovers but at least let me keep the GPA high I BEG you.

I’ve got new goals settled for 2020. But I will focus on achieving my last two goals before the year ends (academics mostly) and... update!

I don’t know who needs to read this. But I don’t mind having my journey posted at this point. I still feel very uncomfortable talking about depression, actually. But it was my reality. Now that I truly moved on, I can talk about it and critisize myself for all good and all bad.

I hope, to anyone who bothered to read so long, it gave some hope. That things can get better. That you CAN make things better little by little. 2020 can be your year. Or you can start on this very day like I randomly started on February (I didn’t have a thing for February, I just so happened to decide).

I’ll always be cheering those who do their best to make a difference.

Stay safe and let’s work hard. ❤️

Disclaimer: Some of my kind hearted readers were worried about me because Conflict describes unhealthy mindsets. Don’t worry— more than half of them are not based on my real life experiences! I’m not self-harming (never did, don’t think I ever will), neglecting antidepressants (I never used any actually), have suicidal tendencies (well, that part was real but no longer valid) AND I DON’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP LIKE NORMAN/PETER sO Y’ALL CAN CHILL thank you for worrying about me I love you all

And I’ll be more than happy to be your goals-buddy if you want to change something about yourself as well!!!

#nila stuff #conflict #some stuff about #new year’s goals #2019 #depression #is not permanent #i believe in u #goals #time managament #college

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