#tw: past drug addiction
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The assistant (8) – A Captain and six brothers
Summary: You are invisible most of the time.
Pairing: Former!Boss!Steve Rogers x Former!Assistant(plussized)!Reader
Possible pairing: Jake Jensen x Reader, Lloyd Hansen x Reader, Curtis Everett x Reader, Ari Levinson x Reader, Andy Barber x Reader, Mike Weiss x Reader
A/N: This chapter is a little Mike-centric.
Warnings: angst, flirty CEvans characters, language, plussized/chubby reader, protective brothers, Lloyd being Lloyd, fluff, domestic brothers, mentions of past drug addiction, talk about addiction/ADA groups
The assistant masterlist
Part 7
It’s an early morning, and yawn as you walk out of the kitchen, a cup of freshly brewed coffee in your hands. The brothers are still asleep, and it’s your day off at the bakery.
As you walk out of the kitchen, you frown deeply. Mike is pacing back and forth. He clutches his hands to his chest and exhales sharply.
“Mike?”
“Flower,” he pants, “good morning. How was your night?”
“I could you ask the same question,” you look Mike up and down. “You look a little pale. Is something wrong, Mike?”
“You know,” he nervously scratches the back of his neck, “some days are good, and others are…” Mike shakes his head and sniffs, “Others are bad…and then there are days which are the worst. Days in which you wish that you could still shoot the poison you were addicted to into your veins. I’m clean but…”
“Today is the worst,” you softly ask. “How can I help you, Mike? I know you don’t know me, but I want to help you.”
He shyly smiles at you, “I try to find a Drug Addicts Anonymous group. I need to go to a meeting,” Mike shows you his phone, “but my phone doesn’t work. I got no signal, and my display is cracked.”
You feel your heart clench in your chest. Mike looks like a lost puppy, and you do the first thing that comes to your mind. “What?” He sniffs as you hug him tightly. “Flower?”
“Uh-sorry. I’m a hugger. You should get used to getting hugged, Mike,” he wraps one arm around you and enjoys the little attention you give him. “I can help you find a group.”
“What’s going on here?” Lloyd watches you hug his brother. He frowns and narrows his eyes. “What did our little chaos do this time?”
“Nothing,” Mike immediately says. “I swear.”
“We try to find a Drug Addicts Anonymous group. Mike wants to go to a meeting,” you give Lloyd a stern look. Lloyd is still angry, and Mike is afraid to make one false step. “Do you want to help us?”
“Sure,” he shrugs. “What can I do?”
“Can you look for a group? I’ll go with Mike. Maybe we can take the bus and…” Lloyd raises his hand, stopping you midsentence.
“Cupcake, you won’t take the bus,” he says. “Do you know how many crazy people you can meet on a bus? I’ll drive you and Mike. Now lemme find a good group. We don’t want him to talk to some losers getting him addicted again.”
Mike sighs deeply. “He doesn’t trust me,” he whispers. “He’ll never trust me again.”
“Nonsense,” you whisper and pat Mike’s back. “He’s your brother and loves you. We all make mistakes. Don’t worry. We are all going to support you.”
“I like you, flower. A lot,” he grins. “One day, I’ll show you all of my tattoos. Maybe I’ll get a new one only for you.”
“OH! If only I wasn’t scared of needles. I’d gotten a tattoo too,” you tell Mike. “I already said that didn’t I?”
“You are pretty without tattoos,” Lloyd grumbles. “Don’t let him talk you into getting tattoos.”
“You’ve got some too,” Mike grumbles. “You were the one paying for my first tattoo.”
Lloyd grins. “You cried like a baby, calling for Andy to hold your hand.”
“It’s not nice to make fun of people,” you say, and peck Mike’s cheek. “Lloyd, find a group or I’ll do it. Stop bugging Mike. He needs our support.”
Curtis chuckles. He watches you dismantle his cocky brother within a few seconds.
“Looks like Lloyd is in trouble,” he says to Andy. “So, do we help him or just enjoy the show?”
Andy’s features darken. He doesn’t like that you are still hugging his brother. If anyone deserves your attention in his opinion, it’s him.
“She shouldn’t hang her heart on him. He’s…”
“Our brother,” Jake reminds him. “Mike made mistakes but he’s our little chaos and I’m glad he found his way home. Now, stop moping. If anyone asks Y/N out first, it’s me. I was her friend before you even saw her.”
“Says who?” Ari and Andy grunt in unison, making Lloyd cackle.
“Dream on, sunshine. She’s going to be all mine…”
“It’s okay, Mike. We can just wait here,” Jake says as his brother hesitates to enter the building.
“Maybe we go with him,” you grab Mike’s hand, gently squeezing it to assure him that you are here for him. “Right? I mean…I don’t know how these things work.”
“I don’t think they will like it when we all storm into the room,” Andy throws in. “We can wait outside or pick him up later.”
“I don’t want to leave him alone,” instinctively, holding Mike’s hand tighter you take a step toward the door. “I could just tell them I’m an addict too. I mean, Jake made me addicted to his cupcakes.”
Jake grins. “Hey, don’t tell them I’m your dealer or they want my cupcakes too.”
“Guys, this is not helpful,” Ari grunts. “Mike needs to meet up with people who understand his problem. We can wait here and drive back home together.”
You clear your throat to keep the brothers from fighting again. “I’ll go with him, no discussion. He doesn’t know this group and meeting them on his own can be intimidating. I’ll tell them who I am and ask if it’s okay that I’m at the meeting with Mike.”
“Thank you, flower,” Mike whispers. “I think it’s not going to be a problem that you come with me.”
While you and Mike enter the building, the brothers start muttering and fighting again.
“Great job. Now he’s got an advantage,” Lloyd huffs. “He’s going to seduce my girl with his sob story.”
“Lloyd!” Jake tuts. “Can you just not? Mike has a problem and needs our help. Let’s not be assholes and support him. We are finally all back together and have this sweet girl in our life. I don’t want to fuck this up.”
“Agreed,” Curtis says. He’s not a man of many words, but he cannot deny that he’s got a thing for you.
“How was the meeting?” Andy asks as you walk back toward the mansion. “Did it help?”
“Y/N was the best,” Mike swoons. “Everyone immediately loved her. They are a great group. Some of them have been clean for years. I got a sponsor too.”
“I think this group is good for Mike,” you add. “They agreed on letting me come with him until he feels more comfortable attending the meetings alone.”
You look at the brothers, frowning as you get the feeling someone is watching you.
“I’ll drive you,” Lloyd hastily says. “Just tell me where and when.”
“It’s the same place every time,” Andy rolls his eyes at his brother’s antics. “Get a hold of yourself, Lloyd. You can stop hitting on Y/N. She’s going to be mine.”
“What?” You blink a few times as they look at you. “Did I miss something? I added the next appointments to the calendar on my phone.”
“Nothing. It’s nothing,” Ari gives Andy a death glare. “Andy asked if you are hungry. We can order food and have another movie night.”
“Attention! You are surrounded. Let Y/N Y/L/N go, and no one will get harmed!!!”
“What? I—” You jolt up on the couch, rubbing your eyes as you try to fathom what’s happening. You dozed off, and now someone is yelling your name.
“What the fuck?” Jake lifts his head from your lap, groaning as someone yells your name from outside the mansion. “Who is yelling?”
“Fuck you, you fucker,” Lloyd steps on the balcony. “What do you want, asshat? It’s two am and I was about to dream about fucking the cutest girl I ever met. Who are you?”
“Here is Captain America, and you are holding my assistant hostage!” Steve steps toward the gate, pointing his index finger at Lloyd. “Let her go. Unharmed and no one will get harmed.”
“You already said that sunshine,” Lloyd cackles. “Now get fucked, dude. Y/N is here with us because she’s got enough of your stiff ass and limp dick. Now, if you would excuse me, I’ll go back to eating her sweet muffin.”
“I’m warning you, Sir,” Steve raises his voice. He looks at Lloyd standing on the balcony in nothing but his boxer briefs. Steve imagines the worst things happening to you while held hostage at the mansion. “I’ll free her using force if you don’t send her out.”
“Fuck off, buddy,” Ari joins his brother to laugh about Steve’s antics. “Y/N is our friend, and you won’t ever see her again. We know what you did to her!”
“Go home, loser,” Jake and Curtis say in unison. “We got better things to do than looking at your ugly ass.”
“Sir, I must ask you to leave our property. You are breaking the law if you try to enter our home by force,” Andy, ever the lawyer says. “Leave now.”
“Fuck off!” Lloyd points a finger gun at Steve, “Or I’ll make you fuck off, buddy. We don’t need a fake hero on our ground.”
“Lloyd, stop riling that guy up,” Mike tries to stop his brothers from starting a war with Captain America. “Just ignore him.”
“Like hell,” Curtis grunts. “That bastard comes here and accuses us of kidnapping and holding Y/N hostage.”
“Maybe I can make him leave,” you sigh deeply. You didn’t want to see Steve again, but to protect the brothers you’d do anything. “Let me handle this.”
Mike follows you out of the living room before his brothers can stop you. He holds your hand as you walk out of the mansion to face the man making you feel worthless and small.
You let go of Mike's hand to grip the bars of the gate, looking Steve straight in the eyes.
“Captain, I’m here on free terms,” you glare at Steve as he grips his shield tighter at your words. “The brothers are my friends. Unlike other people, they only ever treated me with respect. No one is going to hurt me here or force me to do things I don’t want to do. Now, if you would kindly get fucked…”
You twirl around, walking back inside the mansion.
“You heard the lady,” Mike shrugs. “You had your chance and fucked up. Y/N is under our protection so go and bang that bitch you chose over my flower…”
Part 9
Tags in reblog.
#andy barber#lloyd hansen#jake jensen#ari levinson#mike weiss#curtis everett#steve rogers#The assistant (8) – A Captain and six brothers#female reader#plussized reader#tw: past drug addiction
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Whumptober 2023, Day 27: Scars
fandom: criminal minds | characters: spencer reid, luke alvez, penelope garcia | ship: pre spencer reid/luke alvez, but can be read as platonic | trigger warnings: past self harm, past drug addiction | content: case fic, post prison spencer, autistic spencer, spencer is uncomfortable in his body, luke helps | word count: 1.6k.
“Jesus Christ, it’s fucking boiling,” JJ says, fanning herself with her hand. “Don’t they have AC in this place?”
“Just asked,” Tara grimaces, sitting down next to her at the table they’ve occupied and pulling a case file toward her. “It’s broken. Getting fixed tomorrow.”
The team all groan.
“Okay, I know we’re all uncomfortable,” Emily says, pulling her hair off her neck and into a ponytail, “but we’ve worked in worse conditions. Let’s get to it. The quicker we gather a profile, the quicker we’re out of here and back on our air conditioned jet. Rossi, Tara, can you guys head to the first crime scene? Luke, Spence, can you take the second one?”
“Sure,” Luke says, and Spencer nods. He’s been back at the BAU after his stint in prison for almost a month now, and he’s been doing well, all things considered. But ever since they touched down in Miami this morning, he’s gotten quieter and quieter. He seemed fine on the jet, and as they head out to the car in silence, Luke begins to worry that something’s going on.
“Hey man, you good?” Luke asks as they slide into the SUV. Spencer nods, relief washing over his face when Luke turns on the AC.
“Yeah, sorry. I was just hot in there,” Spencer replies, smiling at Luke reasonably convincingly. Luke lets some of the worry alleviate, but things still don’t seem quite right. He decides to let it go for the moment.
“Holy shit, I know right?” he says as he starts the car and backs out of the station parking lot. “You think with a station this big they’d at least have working AC.”
They pull up at the first crime scene, a house on the outskirts of the town they reside in. They both heave a sigh before exiting the cool car into the sticky hot air, and head out to the back lawn where two bodies, the couple who own the house, have been murdered beside the pool. They introduce themselves to the officers, and Luke goes inside with one to inspect the house. Spencer agrees to remain outside and scan the gruesome scene in front of him.
When Luke comes back outside fifteen minutes later, Spencer is pale and dripping with sweat. He looks like he’s close to being sick. Luke gestures toward the house, which is air conditioned, and Spencer nods vaguely. They move inside together, into the living room, where the officers have now all vacated. It’s just the two of them, and Luke turns to face Spencer, scanning him concernedly.
“You okay?”
“Just hot,” Spencer mumbles, sitting down on the couch and wiping his forehead. He stares down at the carpet, and Luke sits down next to him hesitantly.
“Yeah, you should take off a layer,” he says. “Everyone else is in t-shirts. I think I have a spare one in my go bag, back in the car-,”
“No thank you,” Spencer says quickly. Luke doesn’t miss the way his teammate immediately tenses up when Luke suggests removing a layer. He frowns.
“I know it’s not really your style-,”
“I said no,” Spencer cuts over him firmly, still looking down. His foot taps rapidly against the floor, leg bouncing. He brings up a hand to brush his hair off his forehead and exhales tiredly. Luke stays silent, trying to figure out what to say next. He knows Spencer’s most comfortable in long sleeves, but he can’t figure out why the man would rather get heat stroke than remove a layer. He makes a decision, standing up suddenly.
“Garcia’s calling,” he lies. “Have a drink of water while I take this.” It’s a bad lie, but Spencer is clearly too uncomfortable to notice. He nods vaguely, and Luke moves into the next room. He calls Penelope, and she picks up after two rings.
“What’s up, newbie?” she says, bubbly as ever.
“SOS,” he says, “I think something’s wrong with Reid.”
“What?” she says, voice high and concerned suddenly. “What’s happened? Is he okay? What’s going on? I-,”
“I can’t explain if you keep asking questions,” Luke rolls his eyes, and she shuts up.
“Sorry, sorry. Please. Talk. We need to help our boy genius.”
Luke explains the situation, and Penelope is unusually quiet as he does so. When he’s finished speaking and she still hasn’t said anything, he says, “well?” impatiently. Penelope sighs, and after a moment, she speaks.
“You know about the Hankel case, right?”
Luke grimaces, remembering what Emily and Rossi told him about the kidnapping case and Reid’s addiction in Mexico four months ago.
“Yeah, I know,” he says.
“For years after, he didn’t wear short sleeves. Even once he’d been sober forever, and we all knew. He didn’t want any of us seeing the track marks.”
“But they’ve surely faded by now?”
Penelope sighs. “Use your brain, newbie. What happened in Mexico?”
“I don’t-,” then it clicks. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” she says sadly. “Ugh, I wish I was there. I wish I could wrap him up in a hug and tell him it’s all gonna be okay.”
“You wouldn’t want to hug here, trust me,” Luke half jokes. “It’s so fuckin’ hot.”
“I wouldn’t care,” she says stubbornly. “Oh well. I’m not there, so it’s your job to talk to him.”
“Uh,” Luke says nervously, “Shouldn’t Prentiss do it? Or JJ? Or Rossi? Or literally anyone other than me?”
“I think he’d rather it was you,” Penelope says shrewdly. “He opens up to you in a different way.”
“I guess,” Luke says uncertainly. “What should I say?”
“You’ll figure it out,” Penelope says, “Emily’s calling, I gotta go! Good luck!”
“Wha- Garcia!” but she’s already hung up. Luke growls and shoves his phone back into his pocket.
Okay. It’s fine. He can do this. He’s not really a talk-about-your-feelings guy, but he’s pretty sure this is the only chance they’re going to have on this case to talk privately before Spencer gives himself heatstroke. He also thinks he knows exactly what to say. It’s going to be an uncomfortable situation for both of them, but if it’s going to help Spencer…
He sighs and re enters the living room. It’s clear Spencer hasn’t moved. His leg continues to bounce anxiously, and his head remains in his hands. He looks up when Luke sits down next to him again.
“We should get back to the station,” he says, and Luke nods.
“In one sec,” he says. “I just wanted to talk first.”
“Okay,” Spencer says, discomfort clear in his voice. “About…?”
Luke takes a deep breath and lifts up his shirt just above the waistline, and pulls down the hem of his jeans just below. Spencer stares at him like he’s crazy.
“See these?” Luke points at several faded scars that litter his hip. Spencer stares for a second, then nods. “Yeah. Rough, I know. I did ‘em a long time ago. It was a real messed up time in my life.”
“You-,” Spencer swallows. He can’t seem to take his eyes off them. “You did this? To yourself?”
“Yeah,” Luke says, letting his shirt drop back down. He’s surprised at how easy it was to show his scars to Spencer - they caused him so much anxiety for such a long time. “I did. And you know me - I love a one night stand. But for a while there - after I finished serving the Rangers - I couldn’t bring myself to let anyone see. It felt like letting them see right into my brain or my soul or something. But it’s been a minute. And I got through that dark period of my life. I don’t exactly show them off, but I don’t mind people seeing them as much these days.”
Spencer is silent. Luke can’t read his expression. He hopes he’s not messing this up too badly.
‘Point is,” Luke says hurriedly, “I know you’ve probably got some too. Scars. I don’t pretend to know what you’ve been through in the last few months, Reid, or even in the years before I knew you. But I do know that no matter what, I’d never judge you based on what you may or may not be dealing with under all these layers. And neither would anyone else on the team. We’re a family, you know.”
“I know,” Spencer says softly, making eye contact with Luke properly for the first time throughout the conversation. “Thank you for showing me.”
“‘Course,” Luke says. “What can I do to make you feel better about shedding a layer or two? You’re gonna get heatstroke if you keep this up much longer.”
Spencer swallows and blinks back obvious tears. “You don’t have to do anything else. That was perfect.”
“It was?” Luke says in disbelief, but Spencer’s already pulling off his sweater and rolling up the sleeves of his button down. He rubs his arm subconsciously, then holds it out to Luke.
“You don’t have to-,”
“It’s fine,” Spencer says quietly. “I want to.”
Luke looks down at Spencer’s arm. In the crook of his elbow are three circular, faded pinpricks. They’re so close to gone Luke has to squint to see them, but he understands it probably doesn’t feel that way to Spencer.
“Thank you, Luke,” Spencer says, and Luke can already see most of the tension melting away from his body. “You have no idea how much I appreciate you right now.”
“Tell Garcia that,” Luke snorts, and Spencer smiles for the first time since they landed in Miami. “She thought the only way to make you feel better was to give you a hug.”
“I love her, but I would’ve hated that in this heat.”
“That’s what I said!”
#whumptober2023#no.27#scars#criminal minds#fanfiction#self harm tw#self harm scars tw#drug use tw#past addiction tw#spencer reid#luke alvez#ralvez#jennifer jareau#emily prentiss#penelope garcia#tara lewis#david rossi
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Salve/ Pain Killers/ Bad Coping Mechanisms
@whumpril day 6
CW: swearing, drug abuse, implied slavery, suggestion of alcohol abuse
Caretaker watched as Whumpee held their hand in front of their face and spread their fingers, examining the damage of their latest fight. Caretaker had managed to get the bleeding to stop before Whumpee insisted they stop toughing them. They were surprised Whumpee had let them do that much since they had a bad habit of insisting they could do everything on their own.
There was a nasty cut on Whumpee's palm and a bite mark below their thumb. Their knuckles were bruised and cut, and Caretaker could now see how their wrist was swelling and the way they winced when they rotated their hand. No wonder they had wanted Caretaker to stop touching them, they had been holding them by the wrist.
"Here" Caretaker pulled some salve from their first aid kit and held it out to Whumpee who looked at it suspiciously. "Put it on the cuts it should help them heal."
"What kind of bullshit is that?" Whumpee huffed but took the salve anyway.
"Modern medicine. Something you'd know a little bit about if you ever went to a hospital."
"I hate doctors" Whumpee told Caretaker flatly for about the 500th time since they'd met. Caretaker had never met anyone who consistently needed a doctor more, or had seen one less. They supposed that was why they kept them around. Caretaker was by no means a medical professional, but they knew the basics. Including how not to ask too many questions.
Caretaker watched as Whumpee applied the salve, then passed over the gauze and bandages.
"You should really get your wrist x-rayed though"
"It's just a sprain." Whumpee insisted. "I've broken it before, I know what it feels like."
"Of course you've broken it before" Caretaker mumbled to themselves, then raised their voice "At least buy a brace for it so you don't hurt it more."
"A brace won't fit it with the bandages."
"It would if you did an actual medical wrap."
Both Caretaker and Whumpee looked down at Whumpee's hand. They had used up almost the entire roll of gauze bandaging it. Only instead of bandaging their hand Whumpee had absentmindedly wrapped it as though they were going to be boxing.
"Oh," Whumpee muttered uncomfortably. Their normally stoic exterior cracked a bit as they began to unwrap the excess gauze. "Sorry."
By the time Whumpee finished rerolling the unneeded gauze Caretaker had had enough of watching them wince at the pain of trying to hold their wrist still.
Caretaker got up and poured Whumpee a glass of water, handing it to them as they began to rummage through the first aid kit again.
"Got anything stronger?"
"Yep" Caretaker pulled the bottle of painkillers they had been looking for out of the first aid kit and held them out to Whumpee. Their reaction was instantious, but no where near the reaction Caretaker had been expecting.
Whumpee jumped out of their seat as though Caretaker had just brandished a gun at them and took several steps backwards.
"What the hell Caretaker!" They cried. "Put those away!"
"Seriously!" Caretaker cried back "They're just pain killers. I'm not trying to poison you!"
"Just put them away Caretaker. Please."
"Fine!" Caretaker relented only because they weren't sure they had ever seen that look on Whumpee's face before. "What were you planning on taking for your hand then?"
"Nothing" Whumpee insisted sitting back down, though they still looked oddly uncomfortable.
"You can't be serious! That's a bad sprain! And the cut on you palm has got to be killing you."
"It's not that bad."
"You always say that. But I can see you flinching. Are you some kind of sadist or something?"
"First of all, the word you're looking for is masochist. And secondly, don't be gross." Whumpee huffed. They looked back down at their hand, winced for the umpteenth time then looked back up at Caretaker who raised an expectant eyebrow. Caretaker was a patient person. But their patience only went so far, and Whumpee couldn't really expect them not want an explanation.
"You know how I used to work for Whumper right?" Whumpee said after a long silence.
"Yes" Caretaker answered not able to totally keep the distain out of their voice. They hadn't known Whumpee then. Nor had they ever met Whumper. And Whumpee had only ever brought them up a few times. But they had heard through the grape vine that saying Whumpee had "worked" for Whumper was a bit of a stretch. It implied they had had a choice in the matter.
Whumpee ignored Caretaker's tone and carded their good hand through their hair.
"They like fighting. They liked when I fought. They'd make me do it a lot. It didn't matter if I was still injured from the last one. Concussions, broken hands, cracked ribs. If I could still swing, I could fight."
"Luckily, Whumper had a friend... A doctor, as long as we're putting everything on the table. They used to get me free pain killers to manage all my injuries. They didn't seem to care about what or how much I was taking as long as I was keeping up with Whumper's demands."
"Pretty quickly I figured out that they worked just as well for the mental pain as they did the physical. Even after I got out, it took me a long time before I stopped taking them. And if I'm being honest the only reason I did was because I couldn't afford the habit. It wasn't until I was clean that I realized how fucked up the whole thing was. Anyway, I'd rather just deal with the pain than go back to that."
The two sat in silence for awhile while Caretaker tried to process everything Whumpee had just told them. It explained a lot. Like why they hated doctors. And why they liked picking fights.
"I'm sorry." Caretaker finally said "I didn't know."
"Well I don't try and advertise it." Whumpee said with a shrug and a half smile.
"Understood" Caretaker responded "Can I at least get you some ice though? For the swelling?"
"Yeah, I don't have a problem with ice. And a beer if you've got any."
"Sure thing" Caretaker said over their shoulder on their way to the freezer. "But you know alcohol is a slippery slope too."
"Let me deal with one problem at a time." Whumpee called back.
#whump#whumpril#whumprilday6#caretaker x whumpee#whumpee x caretaker#salve#pain killers#bad coping mechanisms#tw drug addiction#past abuse#stoic whumpee
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Hey, Eposette nation, come get your food!
Once upon another time, Cosette and Éponine were each other's first love. But life was never kind to Éponine and her addiction to drugs - the only way to deal with how terrible things were at home - pushed them apart.
It's been ten years since she moved out of Paris, but when Azelma starts taking college there, she finds herself forced to go back to the city she once ran away from.
And as for how things have been going for Cosette? She's had a good life. But sometimes, the flame that once sparkled love snuffs itself out little by little and she has no choice but to get a divorce of what was supposed to be a happy marriage.
But she's learned a long time ago that even the most beautiful things end. And she hates endings.
But only endings can bring new beginnings.
#eposette#éponine thénardier#cosette fauchelevent#eponine#cosette#les miserables#les mis#tw past drug addiction
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I thought you were the one
#the one i love#i thought you were different#i thought you were my friend#i thought you were the one#i thought we were done with this#i thought we were past this#i thought i was past this#in the past#let go quotes#let go of your love#toxic love#toxic traits#my toxic trait#domestic violene poem#drug abuse#drugblr#addiction#drug and alcohol addiction#recovering addict#tw addiction#tw drugs#tw drunk#drug blog#actually bpd#bpd#bpd things#depressiv#youre the one#soul mates#soulmate
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thinking about how if spencer was doing a case in the south in this kind of weather he might put concealer on his arms and wear something with short sleeves for once
#;; welcome to the bread bank ( out of character )#and i do want to reiterate spencer is not ashamed of his past or thinks it's a show of weakness for people to see his trackmark scars#but dealing with stigma from local PD while people are literally DYING is just. not it lmao#drug addiction tw#addiction mention tw
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i accidentally combined kpin and beer but its unfortunately kind of a vibe i can’t lie 0__0;
#don’t do it tho if u take too much u will stop breathing 😐#i jus got mixed up/forgetful and even tho they potentiate each other i didn’t have high amts of both#drugs tw alcohol tw#having thoughts abt how familiar this feels to past addiction but im chill and sexy and normal
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sometimes i wonder if i would be a more functional human being if i had a more traditional addiction rather than to the internet. like. cocaine or something.
#at least im not doing drugs#- (past me) yeah well maybe you should have. maybe you should have.#think of all the people out there living their lives to the fullest that are doing drugs. think about THAT asshole.#do not take this seriously i dont sleep enough to put my brain through drugs.#drugs#drugs tw#addiction#addiction tw#unhinged hours
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I can't keep quiet about this
Tw S/A abuse in general PTSD
So, I finally watched all 4 episodes of Hazbin Hotel and I'm gonna share my opinion on why Husk is NOT an asshole for what he said to Angel.
And you guys WILL listen to my perspective as a man who has been sexually assaulted 3 times and relates to Angel heavily in terms of coping, trauma etc etc.
Let's start with obvious things. Did Husk call Angel a whiny power bottom piss baby? Yeah he did. But most of you are not seeing WHY he said that.
A shit ton of people who have been raped in the past turn to sexualizing themselves as a coping mechanism. They act "slutty", turn to dangerous behaviors and addictions to get back control of their bodies that they were stripped of when they were abused. Which is also what Angel does. He can't act how he feels so he doesn't have to actually accept what happened to him, he hides in his fantasies where he is nothing but a toy, where it was his decision to be used wherever Valentino wants to.
He did, in fact, need something as strong as the words Husk said to break free of trying to be the person he is not. If Husk never approached him, never came to that bar, Angel would get drugged, raped, then he would go back to the hotel and cry himself to sleep, so the cycle would continue. And he would never ever complain, because he chose to just act like he wants it.
He didn't just call Angel a crybaby.
Instead, he showed Angel that it's fine if he sucks - everybody does to some degree. But it's fine if he does. He doesn't have to be perfect, he doesn't have to hide in his little world where nothing bad happens to him. He can be himself, and he also has a community that will support and love him, no matter what happens to him.
And Angel accepts this. He can finally start healing after years upon years of sexual abuse.
This episode is so fucking powerful. As a rape victim, I didn't see Husk shit-talking him for the entire song. I saw that I, like Angel, have a community. That I can be happy even if I don't act sexually. That I can accept and move on. Open your fucking eyes.
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I did yet another even though it's a little after 7am and the sun is rising pretty fast outside cuz sleepy stim fueled all nighter brain is too restless to sleep and too tired to function much beyond my hands and brain so I'm just dosing and smoking til I accidentally smoke myself into a nap and crash. And then my restriction begins, whenever that happens. I need to be asleep by 10am because that's when my fiancée wakes up today and if I'm up she could have questions about my night/how I slept and I don't lie to her as a rule and also I physically can't lie to her. I have compulsions that get really bad and I have to confess all perceived wrong even if it's minor so if I'm up and she asks I'm gonna have to admit to losing control a little/pushing our established boundaries/rules/expectations for this script. I'm still doing well and still have at least 49 pills of 60 (too twacked to count individual pills rn (stims affect me differently no matter what they are/it is different for me if even if I get a recreational effect from them. Like it's unfocused thoughts and hyperfixating on random shit while also feeling My body slowly struggle to work with me and crave food and hydration and I get very restless despite being incredibly relaxed and focused on general tasks more + I tend to get testy when I've been on for longer than a few hours due to general exhaustion and serotonin drops between doses. When I wake up I'm gonna hate myself for this lol. But then I'll eat lunch and toke up and ill be perfectly fine. And I'll take my next dose orally as I should and that's how it will go for the week.
My posts may just have the same openly drug fueled rambly theme for a while this morning lol I'm gonna try to get on discord or something for now though
#definitely 18+#drugs#tw drugs#tw stims#tw rx abuse#tw drug addiction#tw drug habit#tw drug use#tw stimulants#tw abuse of medication#i know its abuse but its my life and my script and im here to live hard and fast and die just past middle aged
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We Can’t Be Friends
Pairing: George Russel x Reader
Summary: George’s girlfriend, a former child actor, is not well liked by the public
TW: mentions of alcohol and drug abuse, implied child exploitation
A/n: going off of the more popular interpretation of the song (ari vs the public)
requests open!🫶 masterlist
———————
You just finished filming a short interview in a docuseries with some of your former colleagues, those who fell into the same trap and downfall as you did. You prefer not to air everything out, but you knew your statement would support the others.
The industry basically forced you into a drug and alcohol addiction, one that you thankfully beat, but you went from someone who was once loved to someone hated, just from how the media spun your name.
You met George at a hospital event -you now work as a biochemist and bioengineer- and he immediately recognized his childhood crush. You dated for a year before feeling strong enough to go public, but ever since he posted a very cute picture of you, the hate has started again.
“I’ll make a statement asking them to leave you alone,” George offers but you shake your head no. He hates seeing you upset, but both of you didn’t expect the backlash on you.
“They won’t understand, they could never even try. They will never know what it was like to grow up like that, even the docuseries won’t help,” you start to dismiss the thought.
“We can’t do nothing,” he tries to reason, wanting to protect you.
“I don’t want to tiptoe around the public, but I don’t want to hide, either way I’m feeding this fire,” you groan, running your hand through your hair as you pace the room. You had to call off of work today, the entrance to your townhome being blocked by paparazzi.
“The story is gonna die, and we’ll be alright,” George stands up and pulls you into a hug. In your mind you picture the public liking you again, waiting for their love again.
A few days later, George drags you out of the house for lunch, you had only been leaving for work. The two of you step out, a reporter immediately coming up to you. You ignore the first few, sitting in your silence.
“It’s just me and you, Baby girl,” George whispers to you, supporting you however you choose to respond.
“Y/n, is it true that you have been in and out of rehab for the past year? You are in and out of hospitals,” one reporter, who always hounds you, asks causing you to whirl around. You don’t want to argue, but you don’t want to bite, so you choose a confusing answer.
“You’ve got me misunderstood, but at least I look this good,” you smirk, watching their face scrunch in confusion, gripping their paper and pen, before continuing your walk.
The next day a clip of one of your short interviews drops, taken while you were in college, as a trailer for the docuseries release the following week.
~-~-~-
I don’t like how this industry painted me, but I’m still here hanging, just not what they made me. It’s almost like a daydream sometimes, finally leaving that world. I feel so seen, I am everything that I defined myself as, not all that the industry made me be. My truth and I may always sit in silence, but one day I hope I am brave enough to say it out loud. For now, it’s only me on the road after recovery, but maybe that’s all I need.
~-~-~-
buzzfeed.com/uk
A list of every child actor we need to apologize to after watching “Drugged: The Truth Behind the Lives of Child Actors”
1. Y/n Y/l/n
~-~-~-
“Are you sure you want to go out there?” George asks, looking at the crowds of journalists. You nod, tired of being silent and waiting for things to be better, not caring about feeding the fire anymore.
“Let’s go,” you release a shaky breath, stepping out behind your boyfriend as he walks you to work.
“Y/n! Anything to comment regarding the documentary that’s been released and the allegations made by your former colleagues?” A journalist asks, the rest hoarding, pens at the ready.
“Actually, I do. You owe us an apology. Villainizing children who needed someone like you to expose how awful our working conditions were, that’s sick and cruel. You wrote lies about us, and instead of apologizing, you want to ask us for statements and exploit our names more? You’re sick. We can’t be friends,” you chem them out before continuing on your way to work. A part of you will always wait for their love, but you are tired of waiting for them to like you.
“You’re a badass. I hope they will see you are the biochemist and bioengineer, not the child actor. You’ve come so far and I’m so proud,” George says once your breathing steadies from the adrenaline.
“Thank you, Georgie,” a small part of you wants to flip them off behind you, just like you would’ve done ten years ago, but you don’t, finally moving forward.
#f1 imagines#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#george russell#george russel x reader#george russel imagine#george russel imagines#ariana grande
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Imagine…
Tw: NSFW, Stalking, non-con, Drugs.
Imagine getting stalked by someone who can turn invisible.
Your meeting was by chance. You bumped into something dropped your coffee, and when you looked up to see who or what, you bumped into, there was no one there.
Imagine there was someone though. Just centimeters away from you, desperately trying to hold their breath.
You were so close. Had you moved any closer you would’ve felt their presence.
Holy shit you were stunning.
They watched as you mumbled to yourself, clueless on what you could’ve possibly run into. They stepped to the side when you walked past them.
It took every bit of self control not follow after you immediately.
Imagine you two run into each other again. This time, they’re not invisible, and you both mindlessly talk about your interests. Maybe you’re colleagues. Maybe you met at the library. It doesn’t matter.
What matters is the way they can’t take their eyes off you. Their hand is flickering in and out of visibility from nerves, and you’re ignorant to the way their eyes are wondering and the steadily increasing breaths and decreasing transparency of the person beside you.
They excuse themself quickly and you’re left slightly disheartened by the loss of company.
.They followed you home that day.
Imagine the following days you feel watched. Every so often you swear there’s heavy breathing behind you, but when you turn around there’s no one there.
Things go missing. Nothing special at first. Maybe a spoon. Maybe a toothbrush. Maybe a sock or two.
Imagine things escalate after about a month.
Weird dents in your bed when you wake up.
Missing underwear and shirts. Chapstick that you swear, swear, looks duller than it had before.
The weird dreams.
Imagine they’re there at night. Watching you sleep. Drooling and panting heavily, their visibility flickering in and out of existence, their shadow stretched over the expanse of your floor
They feel depraved and disgusting. But god they can’t take their eyes off you.
It’s simple at first. Almost innocent. Holding your hand while you sleep. Sitting beside you and listening to your heart.
Then they get braver. You’re a deep sleeper. They can afford to be bolder.
Next thing they knows theyre wrapped firmly around your side. Their laying in your bed next to you and you’re leaning on them and oh god-
Their hands are wondering perversely. They can’t control themself. Before they knows it their mouth is on yours and their drool is sliding down your chin.
They hear you moan and that’s it for them. Any resistance they had is snapped in half and their eyes dart lower.
Their mouth waters as they lower themself down your body.
Before they even knows what their doing their drooling and slobbering and sucking and licking.
And fucking hell you taste so fucking good.
Imagine this becomes a regular occurrence.
They can’t control themselves. They get bolder and bolder each day even to the point of making sure you don’t wake up at night.
It’s like and addiction
You wake up sore every morning.
You can’t figure out what’s going on and why you always feel so full or so tired even if you’re asleep
Imagine one night you wake up.
What would you do?
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𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 [𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐃]
⋆♱✮♱⋆ SERIES MASTERLIST.
♱ SECTION ONE
pairing. ex!ran x reader
length.
authors note. the long awaited series lmaoaoaaoaoo. if you read it before i took it down, wipe that shit from ur memory pls lol. i changed a lot up so don't try and remember anything from the previous version bc it's not the same <3
♱ SECTION TWO
SYNOPSIS. Bonten is forming and in the midst of it, you find yourself caught in the sticky webs of your ex-boyfriend and current Bonten executive, Haitani Ran.
GENRE. exes to lovers, crime, love triangle, porn with plot, unhealthy relationships, post-breakup, flashbacks to past relationship, bonten timeline
WARNINGS. please proceed with caution: heavy adult content, violence, drug use, criminal activity: gambling, prostitution mentions, etc.
♱ SECTION THREE
taglist form to be notified when each chapter drops.
CHAPTER LIST
Chapter One 7.9k words
content. angst, first meetings, mentions of alcoholic mother in rehab, drinking mentions, bonten timeline, smoking mentions from Ran in flashback
Chapter Two 7.2k words
content. smut, smoking, fluff
Chapter Three 5.2k words
content. pretty mild chapter, not many warnings
Chapter Four - 5.5k words
content. smut (again #noshameatall), mentions of violence; bruised eye, busted lip and concussion, more smut...but less detailed near the end, mentions of gangs
Chapter Five - 5.4k words
content. NSFW!!! prositution work, reader has a gun put to her head, minor violence
Chapter Six - 7k words
content. smoking, mild drug use, SMUT, mentions of past alcohol addiction, murder/implied death threats
Chapter Seven - 9.6k words
content. buckle up guys, there's a LOT. detailed drug descriptions gun play; shion puts a gun to rans head, TW FOR DRUGS!!!! reader does drugs, sanzu injects drugs like a lunatic, mentioned whorehouse, gambling, sanzu and mochi talk badly about women so tw objectification.
08. -> to be posted
09. -> to be posted
more chapters tba
#—tr </3#—series: wasted times#ran x reader#tokrev x reader#tokrev#tokyorev x reader#haitani ran x reader#ran haitani x reader#haitani ran smut#ran angst#ran smut#haitani ran angst#ran haitani smut
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♧ his ballerina. 💫
Yandere Scaramouche x Ballerina Reader
TW : Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, and huge spoilers to Scaramouche’s backstory. Inspired by this post right here.
Word Count : 1.2k
A/N : I got huge inspiration from his teaser! I love him and his character lore so much! I wanted to get this out during maintenance before Scaramouche would be released in game! I knew I had to write a fic about the ballerina and Scaramouche 😭
The past wasn’t something Scaramouche often liked to dwell on. He’d often describe his own as painful and tragic.
After being abandoned by his own mother because he was deemed useless, he was left to venture and explore the world on his own. But who knew that the pure, innocent soul would experience even more heartbreak after his birth?
His past was something he didn’t want to even think about. But as the old saying goes, in darkness there’s always hope. Maybe it would be true for everyone else, but it seems that Scaramouche would just face darkness after darkness.
The hollow puppet was wandering around the streets of Snezhnaya in the middle of the evening. He had finished all his harbinger duties and there was nothing left to do.
He stared into the night sky as he thought about his old life. He sometimes wonders what would have happened if his mother didn’t throw him away, deeming him useless.
He snapped out of those thoughts as he noticed a ton of people gathering around what had looked like a stage. He was curious at what was happening and he heard chatter going around saying that a dancer would be performing in a few minutes.
With nothing better to do, he sat down on the hill near the back which gave him a good view.
The stage light was on you and you began your performance. Your graceful moves and the way you danced on stage was incredibly mesmerizing. The way you moved with the soft music in the background along with your twirls and the way you spun so elegantly made Scaramouche lean in closer on instinct. He was so enraptured and his eyes widened as he kept watching the show. You looked like an angel with the way you moved so flawlessly. You looked really perfect with the way your tutu complimented your figure. You were like a dove on stage.
Your dancing had drawn the Balladeer in and it felt like he had forgotten the world around him. It felt like he was in a dream where he was able to forget all of his worries. For a moment he was able to forget all the suffering he had endured just by your captivating performance. You were an amazing dancer and Scaramouche was hooked. The puppet became more captivated with each twist and turn of your body.
Your dancing was like a drug, and he couldn’t get enough of it. He was addicted to that feeling. When he walked back home that day he felt like a whole different person. It wasn’t everyday that someone like himself was impressed. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way you spun so delicately.
Without even realizing it, Scaramouche found himself showing up to performance after performance. The feeling of forgetting his worries put the harbinger at ease and he was more hooked with each twirl you did.
In one way, you reminded him of the ballerina in a tale he was once told by the small child. But perhaps he was only coming to every one of your shows because he still had a soft spot for his one and only true friend.
Though the harbinger doesn’t talk about it a lot, he will admit that there was once someone who was very special to him back when he was known as Kunikuzushi. He will never forget the special moments he had shared with his one and only true friend, a small child he had met when he first ventured into the world.
The boy always had a smile on his face and seeing him happy made Scaramouche happy too. Him and the child grew an inseparable bond with each other. But even after all of those happy moments filled with joy, he still couldn’t help but feel empty. Like he was missing something.
Sometimes the small child and him would share a cup of tea together and sit down. They would talk about everything, but there was one conversation in particular that stuck out to him even after all the time that had passed.
“...You mean, you wish you had a heart?”
“Mhm.” Kunikuzushi said as he took another sip of his cup of tea. “I’ve always wished I had a heart.”
“You mean like the tale about a puppet soldier and the ballerina?” The small child inquired.
“Huh? I’ve never heard of it. Why don’t you tell me what it’s about?”
The tale was about a puppet soldier who wanted to be with a ballerina. But one day, his owner deemed him useless and threw him into a fire. Then the next day, all that was left was a heart left in the fireplace.
Kunikuzushi couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “It must have been a heart made from ashes.” He took another slurp of his tea. “That kind of thing just doesn't happen in real life, only in legends and old tales.”
“Maybe,” The small child replied. “But what if hearts can be born from ashes?”
The next day, the island had been plagued with tatarigami. Humans that had lived in the area began dying from it and it set everyone into a panic. One day, Kunikuzushi came back with a basket of lavender melons. With an eager smile, he opened the door only for his smile to drop into a horrified expression.
The boy had died.
Kunikuzushi was upset. His only friend and the only person who cared about him was dead. In the fit of rage, he had set everything in the house along with his friend’s body on fire and he watched as it turned into ash.
But there was no heart. It was just ashes.
“What a joke.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “It’s just ashes.”
The only thing that was left in the fire was a small doll that the boy owned. Kunikuzushi picked it up and since then, he has kept it with him. He left the burning house and he never looked back.
In a way, you reminded him of the ballerina in the tale. Perhaps he still has a soft spot for his old friend and that’s why he keeps coming back to watch your performances. Each time, he hugs the small doll tighter and tighter. He wishes that the small boy could have been there with him too. He knows that the small child would have loved your shows.
You reminded him so much of his past. Perhaps by showing up to each one of your dances, he relives his past with only the good memories and not the bad ones.
The Harbinger found himself growing a strange obsession with you. At first, these feelings didn’t make sense to him. He was a puppet with no heart. But maybe he just clings onto you because you remind him of the small boy.
Scaramouche often finds himself calling you,
“My ballerina.”
or
“My heart.”
It’s a habit really. He can’t really snap out of it.
But as Scaramouche starred up into the night sky after another ending of one of your performances, he couldn’t help but wonder,
Perhaps you had been the heart that he was searching for all this time.
#yandere scaramouche x you#yandere scaramouche x reader#yandere scaramouche#yandere scaramouche x y/n#genshin scaramouche x reader#genshin scaramouche#scaramouche#scaramouche x reader#yandere genshin#yandere genshin imagines#yandere genshin impact#yandere genshin x reader#scaramouche x you#kunikuzushi#genshin impact#scaramouche genshin impact#scaramouche x y/n#yandere scara#genshin x reader#yandere genshin x you
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resident evil masterlist
leon s. kennedy:
slice of heaven (sad!leon x reader)
silver lining (older!leon x puppy!reader)
can't speak (leon x bratty!reader)
sneaking out of heaven (leon x pastor's daughter!reader) part one, part two, tbc
addicted to hurting (mean!leon x coworker!reader)
˗ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ˗
chris redfield:
nothing's complicated if we pretend (dbf!chris x reader)
sweet girl // sunflower (ddlg w/ chris x reader)
˗ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ˗
[dark content below]
leon s. kennedy:
can't fight this feeling (pervy stepbro! leon x reader) part one, part two tw: stepcest, non-con, dub-con
are you lonely? (real dad!leon x reader) tw: incest, dub-con
sweet creature (wolf!leon x bunny!reader) tw: dub-con
meant to be yours (leon x obsessive!reader) tw: self-mutilation, cannibalism
i apologise if you feel something (dark re2 leon x reader) tw: abuse, non-con
don't hold your breath(nobody's home) (uncle!leon x reader) tw: incest, non-con, forced alcohol consumption, alcoholism
teacher's pet (professor!leon x bratty!student) tw: student/teacher, dub-con
over again (kidnapper!leon x reader) tw: forced ddlg, kidnapping, past drugging
drabbles
#resident evil smut#leon kennedy smut#leon kennedy x reader#leon s kennedy smut#leon s kennedy x reader#ada wong#leon kennedy x you#leon s kennedy x you#masterlist#chris redfield x you#chris redfield x reader#chris redfield smut
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Thinking of yandere!namjoon— he knows you are his soulmate
pairing: namjoon x f.reader
genre: yandere | smut +18 MDNI
a/n: this is pure ✨fiction✨ but contains toxic and stalker behaviour (not healthy).
tw: mentions of drug use
enjoy!(;
yandere!namjoon who fell in love with you as soon as he saw you smiling that summer afternoon. you walked by with a group of friends but who is that idiot who follows you closely and dares to put an arm around you?
yandere!namjoon who leaves an anonymous note on your car that leads to find your so-called boyfriend in a compromising position with his so-called friend you deserve so much better
yandere!namjoon who carefully follows you home at a safe distance but notices your fellow companion won’t walk with you anymore mission accomplished
yandare!namjoon who casually stretched his arm to reach for a book— the book you were reaching out for…what a perfectly planned meet cute you’ve been checking out this same book from the library for the past three weeks
yandere!namjoon who for your first date cooked you dinner and danced with you under the stars, finishing the night with you asleep in his arms. the translucent power he slipped into your drink making effect not to do anything inappropriate, but to make sure you started getting used to sleep with your true love
NSFW
yandere!namjoon who couldn’t hide his erection from you when you hugged him tightly but you are so perfectly made for him you decided to help him out. he never understood the hype of getting his cock sucked until you, his precious darling. “fuck, baby it f-feels so g-good, keep doing that… don’t. fucking. stop.”
yandere!namjoon who likes to tie you up and ruin you. your eyes fill with tears as a result of the out-of-this-world pleasure only he can give you. no one else would ever be close. “is it too much, baby? look at me… i love you. i. love. you.”
yandere!namjoon who feels the most alive when he is inside you. your cries, pleas, moans, curses fueling him to never let you go. your pussy clenching for his cum is more than enough to spill into you his release. your eyes consumed by lust is the best thing that has happened to him— that is until you said “i love you”
yandere!namjoon who slowly but surely gets you addicted to the way he makes love to you. you can’t seem to recall a time where it was not him inside you— and you need him every. single. day if possible. he makes sure to put in your drink a couple of drops of the aphrodisiac drug he hides so well. you have been tired, you need the encouragement as much he needs you.
yandare!namjoon who hugs you tightly while you sleep. keeping and eye on how your chest rises and falls… he can’t believe he is this lucky to have you. he can’t wait for you to wake up and do it all over again.
#kpop smut#bts smut#bts imagines#bts scenarios#namjoon#namjoon smut#namjoon x reader#bts namjoon#yandere imagines#yandere bts#yandere namjoon
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