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If you are in the United States, please try:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255)
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For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.
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i hate myself.
i hate myself.
i hate myself.
I hate myself.
i don’t deserve this life. i don’t deserve the oxygen i breathe. im a waste of a soul.
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When you realize that Sam was probably Ellie’s first friend ever since Riley’s passing, so she tried being protective of him and made him laughing and treated him like a sibling and even tried to HEAL HIM. Just for him to turn and having to watch him be shot by his brother and then seeing how Joel tried to take the gun away from Henry because he knew he was thinking those thoughts and wanted him to come to reality but when Henry put the gun to his head Joel knew and so he screamed “HENRY NO” And while he says that you can hear Ellie scream and you hear that “thud” sound once he drops. After burying Henry and Sam’s bodies Ellie writes “I’m sorry” on Sam’s notepad indicating how guilty she feels for not saving him.
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TW: Mention of Su*c*de and SH
I keep typing “su*c*de” into my search engine…
I look at what comes up, like I have 1,000,000 times before and I wail in disappointment at the lack of knowing what to do.
“Text 988”
I think about it.
But what would I say?
“Hey I am going to end my life tonight.”
no… they might send someone to my house.
“I need help. I keep cutting myself.”
no…they might send someone to my house.
“I can’t breathe, my thoughts are drowning me and I’m in the bathtub thinking about how I could kill myself right now.”
no…they might send someone to my house.
Not that they shouldn’t.
Yet not that they should.
They tell you to text or call if you want to die.
I want to die but I’m too afraid to text or call in fear that I’d be wasting their time.
Something I was taught strictly not to waste growing up.
Something I seem to waste without trying
along with other things such as space and air.
I want to die.
But I’m too afraid to text.
I’m too afraid to call.
So I only search up “su*c*de” on my search engine
and
wail at the disappointment of not knowing what to do.
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i want to die, and yet i’m so scared of the finality of it all. i’m constantly teetering on the line between life and death, waiting for some force to push me one way or another
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