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temis-de-leon · 2 months

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MC with a selfish best friend

MC mourning the loss of a long toxic friendship with the help of the brothers.

Characters: demon brothers and fem!MC (written as platonic, but could be read as romantic)

Masterlist , Part 2 (kind of)

CW: continued discussion about weight gain and weight loss, eating as a coping mechanism, obssesive and manipulative behaviour, emotional blackmail, a glimpse of animal neglect, a tiny nod at suicide, MC trying to hide her feelings, anxiety, TLC from the brothers

A/N: kind of self insert because I'm writing my own experience, so this isn't the most relatable MC. Still, I hope you enjoy it! Remember I'm not a native english speaker, so there might be some grammar mistakes.

Back then, not that long ago, MC was completely sure she wouldn’t go any further in life. She was stuck in college, in her family and her friend group. There was a dynamic she could work through and, although it could be better, she wasn’t one to complain.

It was a flooded basement with filthy water, but at least it lacked rats.

She just needed some time to start working on herself. Go to therapy, lose some weight maybe? Start cooking again and stop wasting money on fast food. She did use to enjoy spending time in the kitchen and experimenting, after all, but the only things she cooked during her last months in the human realm were mugcakes and pasta. Not necessarily nutritious, but easy to make.

Thank god she had her best friend.

Her companion in the basement, the one with the flashlight.

MC wished she let her hold her hand too.

“She’s overthinking again. Not good”

“Look who’s talking”

“Hey! It was just a joke!”

“Should we talk to her?”

“Maybe when she comes back, else we’ll give her a heart attack”

“Yeah, Lucifer would kill us”

“Oh, so now we’re doing this for Lucifer?”

“Don’t be selfish, Mammon”

“Who ya calling selfish?”

“Ugh”

MC listened carefully, softly smiling at Beel and Levi’s voices drowning Mammon’s in an almost silent screaming match.

She couldn’t see them from her position, her upper body completely sprawled over the armrest and her line of sight lost in the ashes of the chimney. The fire cracked, threatening to die in front of her, but it was difficult to get up when her body weighted so much. She was tired and hungry and nauseous and even the idea of sitting straight sent bile to her mouth.

Then someone walked into the common room, shushing harshly and getting the other brothers to cease their fighting. Whoever it was, probably Lucifer or Satan, must have thought she was asleep.

So MC closed her eyes, hiding her face in the crook of her arm and basking in the comfortable silence. She could hear them still; the shuffle of cards, a plastic wrapper, buttons and joysticks.

The newcomer got close to her, covering her body with a blanket and sitting at her feet before opening a book. There was enough space in the couch for at least two more people, but MC still curled up, trying to make more room for him. She stopped in her tracks when he grabbed her ankle in a gentle grip, a gesture that brought some warmth where her pants didn’t reach.

Would someone add another log for the fire? Everyone seemed too comfortable to move.

At least the blanket was thick. Pure hellish wool or something, because every animal in the Devildom was just a bigger scarier version of those in the human realm. It was also, however, softer than any type of textile she could’ve ever find back home, so the creature could spit fire for all she cared.

Suddenly, the brother caressing her ankle tightened his grip for a short moment, demanding her attention. When MC opened her eyes, she found Satan smiling at her with no one else in the room. She must’ve fallen asleep after all.

“Dinner is ready”

He let her stretch, unconsciously comparing her to a cat when she arched her back and cracked every possible bone in her body. Satan wondered if that ever hurt, but MC seemed to enjoy it very much whenever she had the occasion to do so, like when they came home from classes after a long day or when they bought groceries for the whole week and Beel.

“Did you not sleep well last night?”

“Not for a while, no”

“Is that so? Something troubling you, MC? Anything I can help with?”

“I don’t know”

She sounded sincere, but Satan didn’t buy it. Only a month had passed since MC came back to the Devildom, looking a bit more tired than when she left at the end of the first year of the program, and she’d acted ecstatic when she learnt she would be living with them again.

He was sure the problem relied in her human phone, something she didn’t have last year and Diavolo had kindly allowed her to keep.

All of his brothers, even the eldest, were greatly impressed when MC showed them how she unlocked the device with her fingerprints, as well as the human versions of Devilgram, Deviltube and Akuzon. That was a fun day, but time passed and soon the phone became an inconvenience. Someone at the other side of the line was taking their beloved human’s time, leaving her exhausted in the aftermath of their conversations and, if Satan vision’s was correct, teary eyed.

That would not continue. Not on his watch.

“We’ll look into it in another moment. Right now, let’s go with the others. Aren’t you hungry?”

“God, yes!”

They both chuckled and he forced his thoughts away. They could wait for the time being.

Beel didn’t judge her, but she didn’t feel as happy as she thought she would whenever they sneaked in the kitchen at the late hours of the night.

Opening the fridge door with slow movements, trying not to make noise while taking plates or bowls and eating in silence between giggles and short whispers brought a sort of familiarity. And Beel never judged MC. Why would he? He ate even more than her. He’d keep going long after she was finished, full enough to want to puke everything, and MC would feel a wicked satisfaction knowing that no matter how much she ate, there was someone that would eat much more.

Those nights she’d go to bed feeling sick and greasy, too regretful and high on sugar to be tired. Then, by morning, she’d force herself to eat breakfast and go on with her day just to get whatever sense of normality she could reach.

Although, lately, things had been slightly different.

They still got together at night and filled their mouths to the brim, but Beel was adamant about MC going to the gym with him when the morning came, before everyone was out of bed. Of course she’d said no since the beginning, but he kept insisting, saying she didn’t have to exercise if she didn’t want to.

MC still said no.

Then Asmodeus put his input.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do, hon’, but you aren’t getting your 8 hours of sleep and you’re adding calories during the night. That’s horrible for your skin!”

And had it been her mother saying that, MC would’ve lashed out, rejecting opinions she’d been hearing for years over and over and over again, but this was Asmo. The Avatar of Lust. The most beautiful demon in the entire Devildom. MC guessed she wasn’t being fair to her mother, who also loved her and hated seeing her so sick and tired all the time, when it was Asmo she couldn’t ignore.

“I get anxious when I go to bed” she finally confessed.

MC could feel Satan’s eyes on her, but he stayed silent.

“Spend the night with me” intervened Belphie with an honest smile, a muted worry in his eyes “I could make you so tired you wouldn’t want to get out of bed”

“No way!”

Everyone looked at Mammon and several sighs filled the room. The demon, although deeply blushing, kept talking with an overbearing smugness.

“If someone’s gonna sleep with her, it’s gonna be me! Don’t worry MC, the Great Mammon will chase the nightmares away!”

“I think sleeping with you would give her nightmares, actually”

Mammon turned to Levi, ready to swing at his brother, but MC talked before the fight started.

“It’s not nightmares, Mams, I just feel anxious. You know, like, I can’t stop thinking”

“About what?”

She looked at Satan, who was staring at her with a calculating glance, surely remembering what she told him days before when she fell asleep on the couch.

“I don’t know… Everything, I guess”

All of them stayed silent, ignoring what they were previously doing. It didn’t feel uncomfortable, but MC wished someone said anything.

Of course, Mammon spoke first.

“Well, that’s a lot”

“No shit, you moron”

Levi finally got smacked and the rest of them went back to do their own thing, letting MC’s lack of sleep behind. A part of her wanted to keep the conversation going, but she felt too embarrassed when she tried to open her mouth again, especially having Satan looking at her like a hawk.

You don't want me to stare at you? I want to. What's the problem?

She achieved to ignore him in the end.

That night she stayed in her room, pacing, chewing her sweatshirt’s aglet while humming that Phineas and Ferb’s song and turning her headphone’s volume to the maximum with a different music threatening to deteriorate her hearing.

Anything to distract herself and not go to the kitchen.

Finally, hours after bidding the brothers goodnight, MC threw herself on the bed. Her feet were aching, its footprints surely engraved in the carpet, and she forgot to take her headphones off, making the position uncomfortable, but the important thing was that she didn’t have the need to eat anymore.

However, Beel still knocked her door at dawn.

MC stared at him when she opened, bleary-eyed and mouth as dry as cotton, the hem of her pyjama pants so high they looked like pantaloons. He, on the other hand, was completely awake and seemed ready to conquer the day.

“Before you say anything, I’m not going to the gym today”

There was a heavy silence for a couple of seconds.

“Then why did you wake me up? We have classes tomorrow”

Beel stared at her with a worried expression.

“We don’t. It’s Saturday”

“Ah”

She could’ve sleep longer? MC wished she was mad at him, but his puppy stare was hypnotizing.

“I want to go for a walk today. And I want you to come with me”

He lowered his gaze for a moment, biting his cheek while waiting for an answer. MC turned around and looked at the window, still unable to decipher what time it was by looking at the sky.

There were a few things MC missed from the human realm. The sun was one of them.

“We could go to the park, feed some birds and then have breakfast somewhere else. I swear I won’t eat the seeds this time"

She chuckled, rolling her eyes when he smiled back. Then she looked down at the rolled pants and her bare legs.

“Is it cold?”

“I don’t think so, but you can borrow my jacket”

MC sighed and rubbed her eyes, waiting until the white spots disappeared before walking towards her closet. She wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again, she knew that.

“Let me change and then we’re going. But you owe me one, Beel!”

His smile was too wide for him to answer.

Breakfast with Beel ended up lasting three whole hours, which was understandable, and they spent the whole time talking about nothing and almost everything, both of them clearly avoiding the subject of her sleeping habits.

MC really did want to talk about it, but then again, what did she want to talk about exactly? She had trouble falling asleep, yes, and she’d gone back to eating her feelings, but she couldn’t point out the reason. Her nights were filled with paranoia, making her revaluate every piece of interaction she’d had since she got back home from the Devildom months ago. Did she spoke correctly? Did people understand that she was just studying abroad and not begging for attention?

She hoped her best friend dropped those accusations. MC would never stoop so low. Just thinking about it brought tears to her eyes.

“Don’t you want anything else?”

MC looked at Beel and the stack of plates surrounding him at the table, mugs and cardboard boxes stained with chocolate, whipped cream and frosting. Her side of the booth was much cleaner, but when she lowered her gaze the only thing she could think of were mugcakes and pasta and the taste of bile in her mouth at the sight of her bloated stomach.

“No, I’m fine”

She knew he loved her. She knew she could talk to him and he would listen and maybe even hold her hand, but the small restaurant was already filled with demons and witches and whatnot and MC knew she’d only be able to sob the moment she’d open her mouth, so she stayed quiet.

Beel nodded, going back to his food with a strange calmness. Maybe he was close to being full?

But no, it wasn’t that.

MC gasped when she felt his foot weakly tapping hers before going under it to support its weight. A small comfort, like the prelude of a long awaited hug.

He didn’t know how much she appreciated it.

Winter had already reached the Devildom the day MC opened her closet and stared at her clothes. No matter what she chose, everything was at least a size bigger.

She guessed finally going to the gym with Beel did have some payoff.

“Is something wrong, MC?”

Asmo turned the lights of her bathroom off, walking where she was silently standing while staring at the discarded clothes around her.

“You don’t feel like dressing up today? We can stay home and do some self-care if you want”

MC turned around to look at him with gratitude. She knew how much he wanted to go shopping, especially with her. Finals ended just the day before and everyone had been so occupied they’d barely seen each other outside classes and meal times.

“Don’t worry, it’s not that. It’s just that… everything feels wrong. I think I lost weight”

He chuckled at her revelation, hugging her waist and kissing her cheek between giggles.

“You’re taking care of yourself, silly! Whatever are you doing with Beel in the gym, I wonder…?”

She laughed and lightly hit his arm, showing no ill intent, and Asmo smiled in response, not bothering to hide his lewd expression.

“Don’t be nasty!”

“Oh, I’m just joking! But you know what this means, right? We get to renew your whole closet!”

MC turned around again, perfectly knowing that she could either spent her monthly allowance on clothes or start thinking on how she could rock the oversize streetwear style.

She sighed, trying to hide her smile with no success before speaking again. Asmo’s eyes were stuck on her.

“Very well, then” she wasn’t finish talking yet when the demon clapped his hands and jumped in excitement “I’ll trust your criteria”

He gasped and hit her arm in return.

“As you should!”

“So… how do I look?”

Mammon whistled, clapping and signalling her to turn around in response. Once she did a little twirl, he clapped even harder, not stopping even when she blushed in embarrassment and ran towards him to stop his overly excited appreciation.

“You look mighty fine, MC!”

“Stop!”

“Has anyone ever told you how hot you look?”

“Stop!!”

They were both laughing, her chasing him all around his room with burning cheeks and a gigantic smile.

The shopping bags waited patiently at the door, half of them already empty with a pile of clothes folded on the couch. Mammon had insisted on a private catwalk the moment he learnt she’d gone shopping with Asmo, his offense completely gone barely half an hour after starting the show in his room.

Every time she changed in his opened closet he’d cover his eyes with his hands and every time she came out with a new outfit he’d scream praises like a madman.

MC wasn’t used to this level of compliments and he sure was making it hard to stay calm.

“C’mon, go change again!”

“You’re acting insane right now, Mams”

She was smiling like crazy and her cheeks were hurting, but she didn’t want it to stop. When was the last time someone had been this hyped over her looking pretty? She couldn’t remember.

Then her phone rang.

MC stopped smiling when she saw the name on the screen.

She thought about answering and spoiling a nice evening because of a sour one-sided conversation. Was it worth it? Sure her friend could wait a couple more hours, right? She’d survived without MC the whole year she spent at the Devildom uncommunicated, after all.

“Is it The Unnameable?”

MC stared at her phone for one more second before turning around to look at Mammon, who was kneeling on the couch with his arms crossed over the backrest, eyes peeking with curiosity and another feeling she couldn’t identify.

“The Unname… Robdemor??”

He nodded, blushing and looking away.

“Yeah. You know, like, her name brings bad luck or some shit”

“She doesn’t bring bad luck”

MC didn’t sound as convincing as she wanted to and Mammon’s incredulity proved her point.

“Don’t be stupid, MC”

The pot calling the kettle back, she wanted to say, but no words came to her mouth. She was being stupid, wasn’t she? Everyone at the house already knew what to expect whenever her phone ringed or vibrated and they always did their best to distract her so she could leave the damn thing behind. She suspected Belphie even turned it off at one point.

Staring at her feet, trying to voice her feelings, MC talked again.

“She just… needs me sometimes”

“Sometimes??”

Mammon got up, going around the couch to reach her. He looked flabbergasted, eyes opened wide and a myriad of words stuck in his throat.

The phone stopped ringing, but soon a flood of messages interrupted the silence to call for her attention instead. When she looked back at Mammon, he had frustration in his eyes.

She decided then she couldn’t bear to see him like this, so serious and reasonable. Was it too late to go back to chasing each other, laughing while trying new clothes? She’d been capable of keeping her feelings to herself since she could remember, but Mammon wouldn’t let her do that and she feared the moment the rest of the brothers decided enough was enough too.

God, she needed to talk, but not right now. Talking would make it real and she still wasn’t strong enough for the whole situation to be real.

In a matter of seconds her eyes were watering and she felt as if her throat had thorns stuck in her flesh, but before she could do anything about it there were arms wrapping around her. MC wasted no time hugging Mammon back, trying her hardest not to spoil any tears. The tags in the back of her new shirt poked her skin, making her squirm and get even closer to Mammon’s body.

He was rocking her side to side while petting her hair and there was no doubt he’d deny the whole ordeal happening afterwards, but she let herself enjoy the feeling anyways. It was nice being taken care of.

It was the first time MC had gone to bed so early since before college. Her eyelids felt heavy and the bed was soft and comfortable, at least three blankets shielding her from the cold outside that froze her window and sunk her room in darkness.

But she couldn’t stop staring at her phone.

She’d turned the vibration off days ago, but that didn’t stop the notifications from showing up on the lock screen and, although she could also take care of that, MC still wanted to be able to read the messages without needing to open the app.

Her best friend talked about everything, good or bad. Mostly bad. How she thought her boyfriend was cheating on her, even when she was the one cheating on him, how much she was eating because there was no one to stop her, how tired she was to even clean her cat’s litter box. She’d say if MC were there everything would be so much better, she wouldn’t feel so lonely.

She didn’t ask about MC once.

“You’re thinking so hard it’s giving me a headache”

MC’s body violently jerked at Belphie’s voice.

He’d entered the room in silence, closing the door and approaching her bed without making any noise. Seeing her freaking out made him snicker, but he was too tired to fully laugh and simply laid down next to her.

“Jesus, Belphie”

“No, just me”

“Ha ha ha”

Her sarcasm didn’t affect him in the slightest. MC watched as he closed his eyes and offered his hand to held hers in a firm grasp, probably not wanting to let her go during the night.

“Turn that damn thing off” he growled against the pillow when a new message showed up.

“I’ve seen you sleep on the ground before; you can’t complain about some light”

“Watch me”

She thought he was just joking, challenging her like a small child would, but Belphie managed to surprise her when he rolled over her body, grabbed the phone and threw it to the other side of the room.

“Belphie!”

He shushed, sealing her lips under his hand before hugging her body with all four limbs, trapping her under the covers.

MC could’ve complained and hit him until he let her go to retrieve the phone, but that would’ve meant pissing him off and staring at the screen for another hour or until her friend decided it was time to show some interest in MC’s life.

…

Whoa.

…

So that’s what it was.

That simple, uh?

MC waited for something to happen at her epiphany. Nausea, panic, heavy breathing. Instead, she felt an overpowering sense of relief. Her heartbeat evened and the frown she didn’t know she had in her forehead disappeared.

No headache, no memories. For once, no nothing.

“You’re not dying, aren’t you?”

Belphie’s head rose, looking at her with suspicion, but her eyes were stuck in the ceiling.

“Why? Would you feel guilty?

He stood over her then, pouting and frowning, and MC had to stop herself from laughing.

“Okay, you know what? I already said I was sorry. You can’t hold that against me for the rest of your life”

“I will as long as I can get something out of it”

“You’re evil”

“Said the demon”

His head fell face first on the pillow with a thud and if she didn’t know him any better, she’d be worried about him suffocating to death during the night.

“Why did you ask that, tho?” MC finally talked.

“Your heart stopped for a second” he shrugged and mumbled, his hold on her hand stronger than before.

“Oh… Well… Don’t worry. I’m okay”

“Are you sure?”

No, not really, but she didn’t want to talk about it in that moment. Maybe another time, when her speech wasn’t slurred due to sleep and she could organize her thoughts with a clear mind.

She hummed as an answer before speaking one last time.

“Goodnight, Belphie”

“Sweet dreams, MC”

He’d make sure of that.

MC had been quiet for a while. Not out of sadness nor ire, but something much more private. Something that left her pensive and still, staring into nothing with a serious expression. She laughed and talked with the brothers and, from what he heard, she enjoyed going to the gym with Beel, but Lucifer knew there was another factor escaping his reach.

Whatever it was, it changed MC for the better, so he was happy.

Even when the strangest ideas crossed her mind.

“I think I’m going to cut my hair”

He looked at her, clicking his tongue in disapproval when he saw her sitting sideways in one of the chairs with her feet resting in the other. She had a book resting in her lap. How long had she been looking at him and not reading?

“May I ask why?”

“I need a change”

Lucifer stared, taking his glasses off before crossing his arms over the document he was previously reading. MC got up and walked, zigzagging her way towards his desk as if she was drunk, but she looked as hopeful as ever.

“Did something happen?”

She nodded, ignoring his question right after.

“One of these days I’m just gonna… grab a glass of wine, go to the bathroom and bam! Haircut”

He raised an eyebrow, trying to hide a smile at her words. He hadn’t seen her so playful in months and the sudden change felt like a breath of fresh air.

“Do you even like wine, MC?”

“That’s not the point”

“And you shouldn’t use scissors while drunk, especially near your head” he ignored her “If it’s money you’re worried about, I can pay for a good hairdresser”

She laughed and shook her head, partially sitting on the desk. They stayed silent for a few seconds and Lucifer let himself observe her, how she bit her bottom lip deep in thought and how her fingers intertwined with a certain force. She was probably hurting herself at that point.

“I just really need a change”

He could tell there was more she wanted to say, but that seemed to be enough for the moment. The silence afterwards felt full with comfort.

“That’s fine”

MC nodded and sent him a small smile before going back to the chair, this time sitting with her knees stuck to her chest, but before he could put his glasses on to continue his work, she spoke again.

“Here’s what we’re going to do: I cut my hair in the bathroom and then you take me to the hairdresser to style it. Sounds good?”

“Are you going to drink while using the scissors?”

“I’m not a child, Lucifer”

“Might as well”

“Hey!”

“Just joking” he laughed, but MC could tell there was some seriousness behind his smile.

“I drink wine, I cut my hair and you check I don’t stab myself on accident, how about that?”

Lucifer pondered about it, envisioning himself behind her and watching over her reflection in the mirror, a bottle of wine in the countertop and another of Demonus waiting for them in the music room. She’d be the one to clean the aftermath, that bit was obvious, but something told him she wouldn’t really care about that.

The more he thought about it, the less strength he had to fight it. She could’ve asked Asmodeus or Mammon, but she asked him. MC wanted him to be with her during her progress, as stupid as the method was.

“Sounds like a plan to me, MC”

Her smile at his words was worth millions.

It wasn’t until several hours had passed that MC wondered if Levi invited her to his room with a hidden motive in mind.

The anime came out less than a day ago and she’d never even seen an ad about it, but he’d thoroughly claimed it was made for her.

And she could see why he would say that, honestly.

Sure, no ancient dying star granted her any mystical powers that allowed her to soar the skies or wear an alarmingly short sparkly dress; and she didn’t have an animal sidekick or a romantic interest that only appeared at night for some reason. She didn’t have an arch nemesis either, but she did have the closest thing.

MC was the selfish one, apparently, because how could she? How could MC have the audacity to ignore her best friend’s messages in her desperate times of need? Her boyfriend broke up with her because he discovered the cheating and no one was there to remind her of feeding the cat, neither to monitor her diet nor to fix the consequences of her bad decisions. She was in the lowest point of her life and MC dared to lose weight and spend time with her new friends? Outrageous!

MC unlocked her phone and stared in silence at the new text and voice messages, as well as some missed calls.

You disappoint me, MC.

After all I did for you?

I’ll die and it’ll be your fault.

I’ll die and I’ll make sure you’re the one to discover my body.

You’ll never be able to forget about me then.

You’re disgusting.

MC stared at the screen, not knowing if she should laugh or cry about it. In the end she chuckled and forced down the sting in her throat.

The TV in front of her suddenly turned into a kaleidoscope and she squinted as the heroine jumped from platform to platform, blasting her wand and singing spells. If she understood correctly, the cheery character was fighting her way through the first big boss of the season, her friends close behind her.

She could feel Levi’s eyes on her, no doubt studying her reactions to see if she liked the anime as much as he did.

“Hey, Henry!”

MC turned to look at him and smiled brightly at his rosy cheeks. She expected him to explain some hidden lore or the meaning behind the soundtrack, but he surprised her with his next words.

“Yeah?”

“I haven’t told you yet, but your hair looks so cool!”

“Oh!” she widely opened her eyes in appreciation, showing her teeth in a beaming smile right after “Thanks, Levi!”

“You look… eh… upgraded. Well, no, not upgraded. Erm…” he avoided her gaze for the next few seconds before pausing the anime, letting the room go back to silence. MC kept quiet, trying not to laugh at his awkwardness so he wouldn’t misunderstand the situation.

“You look really pretty, MC. Even better than her”

Levi nodded at the TV and MC stared at the heroine, the pause conveniently showing her winning pose. Big sparkly eyes winking at her and a knowing smile occupying half of her face, as if she was approving Levi’s affirmation.

MC felt the need to cry right then and there, but she held it in.

Her phone lighted up one last time before she grabbed it and turned it off in anger. She had a couple of seconds before the screen permanently went back to black, letting her read the last message.

Who do you think you are? How could you do this to me?

MC seethed. She knew who she was, even if she was still learning. Her hands itched and she forced herself not to throw the phone on the ground with all her strength. She still needed it to talk to other friends and relatives, after all.

After an entire minute filled with tense silence, MC spoke, suddenly meek and shy.

“Hey Lev…”

“MC?”

He was staring her with caring eyes, unsure of what to do or what to say.

Fortunately, for the first time in a long while, MC knew what she needed to do. For herself and no one else.

“Would you help me change my phone number?”

She could write down the numbers of those she cared about the most and send a message asking them not to share hers without her permission.

Take care of her arch nemesis without destroying the entire world. Accept the help of people who showed joy at her improvement. Buy new clothes, change her style, cut her hair.

God, walking without that heavy weight on her shoulders would be difficult and painful, but she’d rather die before letting her ex best friend destroy her will and power one last time.

She laughed with a choke and Levi gasped her name.

She was crying.

@ourfinalisation

399 notes · View notes

blakeswritingimagines · 10 months

Text

Dating Yandere Thomas Shelby:

As a yandere, he is possessive, obsessive, and completely intolerant of any competition for his beloved's attention. He will go to desperate measures to protect you especially if it's after Grace, including violence against those who threaten to take what he believes to be his. He can also be highly emotional and prone to lashing out violently when he feels he is not receiving the appreciation he desires.

He's completely obsessed with his beloved and wants you all to himself. He might use all sorts of tactics, including jealousy, manipulation, and control to keep you as his own. He may even use violence to preserve you and your life together. He also will display extreme levels of protectiveness of you and go to extreme measures to protect you.

He'll get extremely possessive over the person he loves, to the point where he won't let you interact with anyone else not even his family. He would constantly monitor your every move, control who you spend time with, and make sure you stay loyal to him. He would also not hesitate to use violence against anyone who hurts you or gets in the way of your relationship.

He's more of a stalker than an aggressor. He'll spend every minute tracking you down, to keep a close eye on you and ensure other people don't make their move. He'll also leave notes and creepy gifts at your doorstep to keep you on your toes. If he ever needs to get rid of one of his rivals, he's not afraid of getting his hands dirty, but he would instead send a message than get blood on his hands.

In addition to extreme possessiveness, he would such as be constantly thinking about you and wanting to spend every waking moment with you. When you are not around, he would experience intense feelings of panic and anxiety, as if he has lost a part of himself. He would also be very jealous and envious, especially when you are with other people, and would become extremely angry if you showed even the slightest interest in someone else.

He might also go to extreme measures and commit criminal acts to ensure you stay with him, such as abducting you or harming any potential suitors. He wouldn't care about the consequences, as long as he's the one who gets to keep you forever and who's really gonna stop him.

If you tried to leave him, he would do anything in his power to keep you by his side -- including using threats and manipulation. He would also shower you with gifts and compliments, and constantly remind you how much he loves and cares for you.

He could also get very jealous and violent of anyone who shows an interest in you, to the point where he would resort to destructive behavior to make sure you stay loyal to him. This could include breaking things, hurting people, and even killing, if necessary. He would also keep you isolated from the rest of the world to make sure no one else can get to you.

If you got hurt because of him, he would feel incredibly guilty and would do everything in his power to make it up to you. He would apologize profusely and try to make amends, and would also try to make sure that you didn't hold it against him. However, if you were unable to forgive him or move past it, he would respect your decision and do his best to give you the space and time you need. It would be hard for him to forgive himself

If you wanted to leave him, he would do everything in his power to stop you and make you see how much you mean to him. He would try to convince you that he's the only one who truly understands you and would care for you, and that you would be making a big mistake leaving him. If that didn't work, he might even resort to extreme measures like kidnapping or violence to ensure you can't leave.

His family would be concerned and worried about his obsessive and possessive behavior toward you. His actions could cause stress and tension in the family more so then before you got there, and he could face consequences such as losing their trust. His family members would likely try to help him manage his emotions and behavior, and encourage him to seek professional help if needed.

(TW) He might also go to extreme lengths to prove his love, such as harming himself if you reject his advances. He would also be extremely jealous and become enraged if you show any interest in someone else.

He would also be very controlling, to the point where he could easily dictate how you now have to live your life. This could include controlling your diet, clothing, and even your sleep schedule. He might even go as far as manipulating you into doing things you don't want to do, all in the name of "protection."

He might also try to control your daily activities, such as preventing you from going out or spending time with your friends. He might even go as far as cutting off communication with your family and forcing you to rely on him. He would also be highly protective and try to shield you from any potentially dangerous situations much like his line of work.

In addition to these traits, he would be highly persistent in his attempts to get you to notice him. This could involve using emotional manipulation and blackmail to make you dependent on him. He would be relentless in his pursuit of you, regardless of how you feel about him.

He would have a strong sense of ownership over you and treat you as if you were his property. This can extend to a degree where he might threaten or harm you if you refuse to comply with his demands or show any interest in someone else even if it's to get help away form him. He might also become obsessed with going so far as to manipulate you into giving him your undivided attention.

He would exhibit stalking and controlling behavior to keep you from making your own choices or spending time with anyone else and since he's got so many people in his pocket word always comes back to him. This could extend to a point where he might physically harm either you or anyone who comes in the way of your relationship. In addition, he would constantly question your loyalty and seek constant reassurance that he is still loved. He might also resort to blackmail and extortion to keep you.

Another key characteristic of being a yandere is an extreme level of dedication and devotion to the person they love. This can result in him doing anything to ensure that your love remains strong and mutual, such as making big sacrifices, forgiving you for any wrongdoing, or shifting the blame onto someone else when you make mistakes.

He has a strong emotional connection to you. He craves your attention and validation, and he desires to be close to you in every way possible. He is territorial and possessive, and he can become angry and violent if he feels that his loved one’s attention is being drawn away from him. He can become irrational when he perceives threats against you, and can be manipulative and ruthless in order to preserve your relationship.

He is relentless in the pursuit of his desires. He is obsessive and protective, and he will do anything to keep the ones he cares for close to him. He is extremely jealous, possessive and often act out of fear and suspicion. He will defend you with a passion and will not stop until you are his. He is often misunderstood, but those who know him well know that he is a loyal and loving person, driven by a passion that can be both beautiful and terrifying.

#thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #peaky blinders x reader #tommy shelby x reader #the peaky blinders #peaky blinders #dating would include #yandere #tw yandere #yandere thomas shelby

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moonlightazriel · 2 months

Text

Chapter 4: Lost in history /// Azriel X F!Reader

Summary: The research for a way to send her back started, but they come to the conclusion that there's only one person that can help them now.

Word Count: 2,1K

Warnings: Just our babygirl Y/N being sad.

Notes: We have some Elriel content and i admit that it feels werid writing about them but soon things will change hehehehe

Main Masterlist

Worlds Apart Masterlist

“This is all I have that mentions other worlds.” The red headed female from yesterday's training spoke, her red hair was covered by a blue hoodie, a stone resting peacefully against her forehead. Just like Petrah wore too.

“Thank you..” She motioned for the female so she could tell her name.

“Gwyneth, but you can call me Gwyn.” She nodded.

“Thanks, Gwyn.” The female smiled at her, before spinning on her heels and leaving her alone, walking away.

That morning, Rhysand had appeared again, she had to hold herself as she stared at those violet eyes, he wasn’t like Maeve, he already proved that. He had told her that they were already looking for answers, ways of getting her back to her world. She had asked him how she could help, and that’s how she ended down there.

The priestesses walked around in silence, their dresses rustling against the marble floors, books and more books adorned the walls, the smell of dust and parchment filled the cavernous space. Aelin Galathynius would love a library like that one. The two had discovered a common interest in books during the time she spent in Orynth.

The dream of creating their own book club felt like a very distant memory now. She was rather fond of the Queen, Aelin was just amazing, and she saw her for what she truly was, a survivor, just like Y/N. So young having to deal with all of that, she admired her strength, the courage to wake up everyday and fight for the world she wanted.

She shook her head, thinking about it wouldn’t help, and she would just be sad, more than she already was. So she stuck her nose on the pages and read everything she could about other worlds.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

She closed the last book with an annoyed growl. Nothing. Absolutely nothing helpful on those pages. She wanted to bang her head against the nearest wall, the whole fucking day spent in theories, nothing concrete in how to access those said worlds.

“Nothing?” A deep voice sounded, she turned her head, Cassian was standing there. “I won’t say we're having much more success than you.” She took a deep breath, getting up and stretching her muscles.

“I sat here for hours and not a single thing was useful. For a library that big, someone would think you have more information than that.” She started to follow the male.

“Thank you, I've been saying that for centuries.” He led the way towards the endless stairs that would take them back to the surface.

“How old are you exactly?” His head turned to the side just enough so he could see her from his peripheral vision.

“I’m 539 years old.” She stopped in her tracks. “I know it sounds old for such a young female like you.” He turned fully to her.

“How old do you think I am?” A smile danced on her lips.

“I don’t know, 22?” She then laughed, walking past him, starting to go upstairs to get out of that library.

“Thank you, but I'm 105.” She explained and Cassian gasped loudly.

“You’re not.” She nodded her head.

“I am. Witches tend to age very slowly.” She emphasised the world very, and Cassian found himself intrigued. Obviously they also aged slowly, but he didn't imagine the same happened in her world as well.

The rest of the way was silent, as they made their way towards the House of Wind, as Nesta had introduced yesterday. The house responsible for her warm bath and fresh clothes this morning as well. She had thanked the house quietly, but Azriel had caught the faint whispers, so used to them, thinking it was very sweet of her.

More people had joined the dinner, the smell of food lingered in the air, conversations floated around and she found herself surrounded by more strangers. A female holding a baby that looked like a younger version of Nesta. A black male with white hair, sitting by the side of a small female with silver eyes and short hair.

She greeted all of them, introducing herself and waiting for them to do the same. The male was called Varian and Amren was by his side. Feyre and Nyx were High Lady and heir to the night court. They all looked at her with curiosity, everyone seemed to look at her like this lately, even when she was back at her home.

“So you are the pretty female that the skies blessed us with.” Amren spoke. She reminded her of Lin, with her narrow eyes and deep black hair.

“Amren, will you keep what I told you in secret, please?” Morrigan exclaimed, sipping on her wine. The smaller female just rolled her eyes, waving her hand in dismissal.

“Well, I guess so.” She poked a piece of lamb. Her goblet filled with wine but she craved something else. She craved blood.

“Hopefully you had more success than us.” Feyre spoke, her sweet voice sounding like a fresh breeze. The baby slept clutched to her chest. Y/N knew she was staring at him, but she didn’t care, her memories drifting to a distant time, where a baby just as tiny as him never had the chance to live, and she paid a bitter price for her actions.

“I.. hmm…” She cleared her throat, everyone was waiting for an answer, their eyes glued to her. Her scar throbbed with the attention and she had to hold back from flinching with the pain that pulsates on the skin. “No, I have found nothing useful.” She concluded, sipping on the wine, making a frown at the taste, blood tasted way better.

“Not fond of wine?” Amren mocked, like she knew exactly what she wanted.

“I just like something a little bit different, that’s all.” She didn’t want to disrespect them in their home, Asterin would be disappointed if she did so. So she downed the wine with the food, pretended to participate in their conversations and watched as the night progressed out of the window.

“We need to check Koschei.” Rhysand spoke, this caught her attention and she started to listen again. “It’s been weeks, we need to know what he’s been up to.” The name caused her blood to run cold, she didn’t know what, but something about this creature left her on alert.

“Who is Koschei?” She asked, their heads turning to her, Rhysand shared a look with his mate, like they were having a silent conversation before he spoke again.

“He’s a powerful sorcerer bound to a lake.” He started.

“For now.” Morrigan corrected.

“Yes, for now. We want to defeat him before he becomes an even bigger problem than he already is.” She studied them, how the whole table felt tense with the conversation, like they were afraid of this thing, something told Y/N that she should feel afraid too.

“Maybe he knows something.” Nesta started. “He’s from another world as well.”

“What? Do you want to go there and ask him how to open a portal to another world?” Amren mocked and Nesta gave her a hurtful look.

“No, but maybe we can find a book about him, someone that knows his history or something like that.” She defended herself.

“Nesta is right.” Cassian spoke, hand squeezing her thigh under the table. “We’re already looking for a way to free Vassa, we can ask Lucien to try and help with this too.”

“That is a great idea. I’ll send him a letter, it’s already time for him to visit us.” Feyre chimed in, her blue eyes sparking with happiness at the thought of seeing Lucien again, it’s been months since he left with the Band of Exiles. “You’re going to love Lucien.” She turned to Y/N.

“If you think so.” Meeting more people, she was so excited for that. With a loud yawn, she excused herself and retired to her room, she had to wake up early to go for a ride on Meraxes, she could hear the winds calling for her.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

“I swear there’s nothing going on.” Azriel promised, but Elain still refused to hear him. After their argument the day before, she had come looking for him in the training field, just to find her glued to his back, and Azriel allowing it as she claimed.

“What I saw yesterday would love to disagree with you.” She poked her untouched food, they were in a reserved table on a restaurant across the Rainbow, he just wanted that argument to be over.

“It was just training, my flower.” He begged, rubbing his hand over his face in an attempt to calm himself, he didn’t know what else he could say to convince her. “You chose me and I chose you, despite everything, that female cannot change that.”

If he only knew how wrong he was. She looked at him with that spark in her eyes, hands clutching his scarred ones and bringing to her pink lips in a sweet kiss.

“You are right, she’s not better than me and she never will.” His shadows moved as if they disagreed, they were always quiet in Elain’s presence and he never knew why. They didn’t darted towards her like they did with Y/N more times than he could count in the short period she was there.

“Yeah, let’s just eat and go home, please.” He begged and Elain nodded.

The rest of the dinner felt bitter against his lips, his head throbbed and when he rested his hands on her lower back to lead the way home, it felt wrong, so wrong. He swallowed the feelings and kept trying to convince himself that he chose this, this is what he wanted. Three sisters to three brothers or whatever.

Elain’s hands cupped his cheek, and she lifted her body to the tip of her toes, kissing him lightly on the lips, saying her good night to him, disappearing into her room at the River House.

He closed the door behind him, flying towards the House of Wind in a starless sky, dark clouds covering the beautiful night. When he landed on the balcony, he slowly stalked towards his room, but his shadows urged him away from it, towards the library.

From the open arch on the stone wall, he could see her, a tiny nightgown covering her body, some strands falling loose from her braid. A book clutched in hands as she sat against a window, eyes glued to the sky.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He said, his voice hoarse. She turned to him, those beautiful eyes penetrating his soul. She closed her book.

“There’s a storm coming.” She raised her finger, pointing outside.

“How do you know?” Stars still littered the sky from where he could see.

“I can hear it's calling.” Azriel nodded. She had a defeated expression on her face, all he wanted to do was to soothe the furrowed eyebrows and tell her everything would be fine. “Do you think I'll ever find my way home?” Tears glistened in the moonlight, burning her eyes.

“I don’t know.” He answered with honesty, he didn’t have the answer for that, and as much as he wanted to help her, something inside him didn’t want her to go back. He shushed that part of him, hiding them in the shadows of his heart.

“I wonder if they miss me.” She looked outside again, ever since Asterin died, she felt like she lost her space in the world, like she didn’t belong anywhere, if she disappeared would anyone notice? Would they find a way to get her back? All those questions and self doubt weighed on her soul, crushing her until she couldn’t breathe. She blinked the tears away.

“I’m sure they do.” She could hear the pity in his tone, and she hated that, she knew that if she looked at him he would have that look on his face, the one everyone had when they looked at her. Manon, Fenrys, Aelin, Shearah, Elide and all of them, the same pitiful glare reserved just for her. She didn’t want to face that here as well.

So she got up, leaving the book behind and walked past him, as fast as the winds, but his warm hand caught her arm, forcing her to stop. Her head whipped back, eyes locking with his golden ones.

“I’m so sorry if I offended you.” His voice was gentle, calming.

“I don’t need your pity.” She barked in anger.

“I wouldn’t dare.” He promised, and she just nodded, freeing herself from his grip, going to her room, locking the door and throwing herself under the blankets. The skin of her arm felt warm where he had touched. And that night, after tossing and tuning for what felt like an eternity, she dreamed about that male again.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Taglist: @fieldofdaisiies @blackgirlmagicforever @a-frog-with-a-laptop @going-through-shit @asweetblueberry2

@roses-r-red54330 @mis-lil-red @sheblogs @hibye02 @impossibelle

@glitterypirateduck @zeroangelo13 @sekiro1310 @nelapeach14 @annamariereads16

@just-here-reading @celestialend @donttellthecats @scatteredstardustt @snoopyspace

@asterinblacksword @tsumudoll @georginat12 @skyjasper @anuttellaa

@willowpains @quinzzelx @amysangel @fightmedraco @puttyly

@lees-chaotic-brain @thisblogisaboutabook @esposadomd

#acotar #sarahjmaas #azriel shadowsinger #moonlightazriel #azriel x y/n #velaris #night court #shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel #azriel acotar #azriel x oc #worlds apart fic

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vhagarlovebot · 1 year

Text

JUST A FRIEND TO YOU.

♡. ── gif credit. ; ( aemond targaryen masterlist. )

pairing: modern!aemond x fem!reader

summary: you and aemond are best friends. you are in love with him, aemond is not.

warnings: angst, angst, angst.

note: if there are any mistakes i apologize, english is not my first language! hope you enjoy.

read part two here.

BEST FRIENDS— they would do anything for each other. that’s why you didn’t hesitate to help aemond when you saw him being cornered by one of the cheerleaders at a party. she was all over him, long nails being dragged across his chest while he looked uncomfortable.

it took her a good couple of minutes to understand what you were saying as you held aemond’s hand. it wasn’t until he wrapped his arm around your waist and gave you a quick kiss on your temple, that she finally understood. she looked defeated and didn’t stop looking at you for the whole night.

you were just helping a friend. and you know aemond would have done the same thing for you.

however, what you didn’t expected was for the rumor of you two dating to spread so fast. and it didn’t bother you, really, because aemond was fine with that too, joking around and treating you like his girlfriend in front of everyone. it was completely different at how he acted before and that confuses you. is he pretending? does he feel the same way you feel about him? because if that’s the case, then maybe, just maybe, you can finally tell him how you feel. no more hiding your feelings for your best friend.

but as you’re walking to the coffee shop you and aemond agreed to meet, you find yourself stopping abruptly.

there he is. leaning against a tree while a blonde girl is close, very close, to him —she clearly doesn’t know anything about personal space—. and you recognize the long and pink nails immediately: it’s the same girl from the party. but this time aemond doesn’t look uncomfortable, quite the opposite.

aemond is an attractive man. he knows that and everyone in campus knows that too. he has that kind of smile that makes you weak in the knees the second you see it. add to the mix his pair of big and bright blue eyes and you can find a bunch of girls falling at his feet. so it’s not weird seeing girls around campus smiling and trying to flirt with him at parties. and it is not weird that you, like any other girl, fell for him.

but you were there first. you fell for him long before any of those girls and boys knew the new version of aemond. you fell for him the second he helped you off the ground in the park, after one of the big boys pushed you. he wiped the tears from your face and cleaned your favorite shirt. and then, he shared his juice box with you, sitting by your side until you stopped crying. since that moment you were inseparable.

and you would be lying if you say you didn’t try everything in your power to stop falling for him. you tried to distance yourself from him but one way or another, you always found your way back to him. instead you chose to hide them, to buried them deep inside your chest because you thought it was going to be enough. how wrong you were.

aemond smiles down at the girl, who doesn’t need to try very hard to keep his attention because aemond does not even turn around when one of his classmates calls for him.

you swallow your tears, putting on a brave face, and you just keep walking and walking and walking until you can no longer hear her laugh.

thirty minutes later and two cups of coffee finished, aemond sits in front of you. he’s smiling and his eyes are soft, and you know what’s coming.

“i’m so sorry! i was busy and lost track of time.” he says, reaching for your hand, but you quickly grab your cup.

“it’s okay,” you simply say, shrugging.

“it’s not, ‘m going to make it up to you.” you don’t want to argue, so you just smile and that is enough to relax him. “i have news.”

oh no, please no.

“i have a date.” you try to look surprised and happy for him, but the lump in your throat is making it difficult. “remember the girl from the party last friday? the one you scared away?”

“scared away? i thought i was doing you a favor.”

aemond laughs, shaking his head. “i thought you were drunk and that’s why you did what you did?”

“you looked uncomfortable.” you state but aemond smiles grows wider, and you don’t understand a thing.

“believe me, i was not.” he raises his hand to one of the girl baristas and she smiles at him, nodding. aemond doesn’t even need to say a word to have a cup of coffee in front of him in no time. “y’know how everyone thinks we’re dating?”

you blush, immediately hiding your face behind your hands as you pretend to cough.

“well, i hope you don’t hate me for keeping up with the act.”

with the act.

you’re sure everyone on the coffee shop can hear the exact moment in which your heart breaks.

“but it was actually beneficial.”

“how’s that?” you pretend to busy yourself with your almost empty cup.

“i said i was going to make it up to you, right?” you nod, and aemond leans in, like he wants to share a secret. “i got you a date. this saturday.”

“what?” you frown and suddenly you want to slap that stupid smile out of his face. “what are you talking about?”

aemond sighs, like he’s getting tired of your questions.

“well, this girl,” he starts. you fight the urge to roll your eyes. “she just agreed to go out with me if you go out with one of her friends, to make sure we’re not really dating.”

“she didn’t believe you?”

“no, it’s just…” his head hangs low as he tries to avoid making eye contact. “i asked her if she had a friend for you.”

“you did what?” a few heads turn around but you don’t care about making a scene. “i don’t need your pity.”

“it is not that, please.” he says, reaching for your hand and caressing your wrist with his thumb. “you need to get out more, to meet new people. i— i won’t always have time to hang out with you, as much as i love being with you.” you show no emotion and he leans in a little more. “i’m just asking you to go out with him, you don’t need to go on a second date. but i really want things to work with this girl and…” you raise your brows, waiting for him to continue. “i love you, you’re my best friend.”

aemond pouts and your heart skips a beat. he never begs, so you know he’s being honest when he says that he wants things to work out with the girl. he wouldn’t be asking you to do it if that weren’t the case. and that doesn’t make you feel any better. but hey…

best friends— they would do anything for each other, right?

#📮 ⌇ my works ˖⋆࿐#modern!aemond #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen imagine #aemond targaryen scenarios #aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen angst #aemond targaryen fluff #aemond x reader #hotd imagine #hotd x reader #hotd fanfic

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madangel19 · 4 months

Note

Oohh your quint smoke hc has given me thoughts of murder ghoul swiss inviting his prey to come smoke with him and then offering to shotgun only to pour a mixture of his quint smoke and weed smoke into their lungs before making his move

~ @atmosghoul

@atmosghoul You're a mad fucking genius with this one >:3 Swiss would absolutely get his prey high before eating them. It's like making his own edibles lol

Warnings: Weed smoking, suggestive material(nothing too spicy), blood, murder ghoul shenanigans

Word Count: 2108

Sneaking around the abbey late at night was always a risky move for many siblings of sin. Maria had heard many stories of the dark forces taking claim of those who weren’t careful. Even coming across the ghouls was dangerous at times, especially if they were hungry.

“I shouldn’t have stayed in the library so long,” Maria whispered, clutching a book to her chest. She had gotten so lost in her studies that she had lost track of time and was the only one in the library. A nearby clock read 1:30 AM and she shivered when a nearby growl filled the air. This was prime hunting time for the ghouls.

She had been told time and time again that sneaking out after midnight was dangerous. She should have just stayed in the library until morning, but something compelled her to leave the safety of the books.

A clap of thunder shook the halls around her, making her stop and gasp as she looked up. She noticed the silhouette of a ghoul perched on a high window-sill, their orange eyes watching her intensely. Maria wasn’t sure who that was, but she had to keep moving and find somewhere safe. The ghoul cocked their head, chittering softly before giggling. She knew that giggle. It was Sunshine.

Maria rushed off into the dark, the giggles getting louder and louder. She had to find somewhere safe to stay, but the more she ran, the more she noticed that she was moving further away from the residential wing. She had hoped she could find Papa Copia’s quarters. He would have made sure she was protected for the night.

“Just pick a room and hide,” Maria whispered, looking around for any door that could help her. She paused at several doors and found that they were locked to her dismay.

“Fuck. One of you needs to be unlocked,” she moaned.

The eighth door she tried was unlocked and she breathed a sigh of relief as she opened the door and walked in, immediately locking it behind her.

“Sister? What are you doing out so late?” A familiar voice questioned.

Maria realized the room was lit by a fire and smelled strongly of weed. She felt her stomach tie itself into knots as she forced herself to turn around to face the ghoul in the room.

Swiss was reclined on a couch, watching her with a surprised look in his half-lidded eyes. He had just taken a drag from a joint, smoke curling around him. The only thing he wore was a black pair of pants. His dress shirt laid on the floor. The whole room was full of smoke and Maria had to cover her nose and mouth.

“I…I um…lost track of time..studying and…and Sunshine is stalking me…I’m scared,” Maria murmured, her voice muffled by her mouth.

The multi ghoul chittered in confusion before smiling, patting the space next to him as he sat up.

“Don’t be. Sunny just likes to chase. She’d never harm the cute ones,” he crowed, winking at her playfully as he took another hit from the joint. Maria couldn’t help but stare at the lit joint. She had never tried smoking weed before. This could be the perfect opportunity to try it.

Swiss noticed her staring and he smiled toothily as he beckoned her to join him with a single claw.

“Don’t be shy, Sister. You can sit with me if you want. I’ll keep you safe from whatever else is roaming outside,” he said.

Maria had heard many rumors about Swiss and how he could easily manipulate and seduce most siblings of sin in the church, but she had also heard that he had stopped ever since he started hooking up with Sister Delia. Was he a changed ghoul? Maria would find out very soon.

Maria glanced back at the closed door. There were footsteps outside followed by a soft growl. Maria shivered and quickly went to sit on the couch with Swiss. She sat further away from him, looking at the joint still held in his claws.

“You wanna smoke, Sister? This is Mountain’s personal strain. Best in the world,” Swiss crowed.

“I…I’ve never smoked before, but I’d love to give it a try,” Maria replied, inching closer to him.

Swiss chittered excitedly as he handed her the burning joint. Maria looked at it curiously, unsure of what to do.

“Just breathe it in, sweetheart. Breathe in, hold it for a moment, and then breathe out. You’ll be nice and relaxed in no time,” Swiss said.

Maria nodded and did as she was told, putting it in her mouth and breathing it in. Smoke filled her lungs and a warm sensation filled her chest as she pulled it away. The warm sensation turned to discomfort as she turned away from Swiss and coughed up smoke, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Ah, there it is. Let it out, sweetheart. It’s good to cough. It’ll hit better,” Swiss said, gently patting her on the back.

“Holy shit. You...Do you have any water?” Maria groaned, rubbing her sore throat.

“Right here, Sister. Take it easy now,” Swiss said, reaching over the couch and grabbing a water bottle. He handed it to her and Maria drank until her throat no longer hurt. When she was done drinking her fill, she placed it next to her.

“So…when do I start…feeling high?” She asked.

“Give it a moment, sweetheart. Just get comfy and you’ll feel it,” Swiss said, patting his lap. Maria nodded and laid on the couch, resting her head in his lap. She closed her eyes as she focused on what she was feeling. Moments passed and she gasped softly as she opened her eyes to see a smiling ghoul gazing down at her. She felt like she was floating.

“Oh wow,” she murmured, raising her arm and seeing it move as if in slow motion.

“Good right? It’s a nice body high that’ll turn you right into a couch potato,” Swiss said, petting her head with gentle claws. Maria’s eyes nearly rolled back in her head at the amazing feeling of his claws on her skin. All thoughts of what had happened earlier left her head as she sighed in complete bliss.

“Very nice,” she said, smiling up at the ghoul.

“You want another hit, Sister?” Swiss asked.

“Yes, please.”

“You ever hear of shotgunning?”

Maria paused. She had heard of the term, but she wasn’t too familiar with it.

“No. What’s that?” She asked.

His smile became all the more wider as his claws went down lightly caress to her cheek. If she weren’t so high, then his smile would unnerve her.

“Well, I’ll take a hit and when I breathe out, you breathe in the smoke. You gotta get real close for it,” he explained, pulling his claws away as he snapped his fingers and created a single flame on his middle finger. He then lit the joint once more.

Breathing in his smoke and having to be close? That sounded like a build up to a kiss. Maria liked the sound of that.

“That sounds fun. Let’s do it,” she chimed, getting up and sitting in a comfortable position where she laid her head on his shoulder.

The ghoul chuckled, wrapping his free arm around her waist and pulling her closer as he took a long drag from the joint. Maria watched him closely, ready to act when it was time. He pulled the joint from his lips, turning his head to her and giving her a quick nod. Maria giggled and leaned in to kiss him. He tasted like the sweetest lavender mixed in with the bittersweet taste of the smoke as he eagerly kissed her back, filling her lungs. Smoke curled from the corners of their mouths as Swiss deepened the kiss with a rumbling purr emanating from his chest.

Maria didn’t feel the need to cough this time as she wrapped her arms around Swiss’s neck. He tasted amazing and was quickly growing hungry for more. Delia was a lucky lady.

Seconds passed and she felt his hand on her chest, pushing her onto the couch with ease. Maria pulled away from the kiss, giggling and breathing smoke into Swiss’s smiling face.

“You like that, Sister?” He asked, pinning her beneath his strong body. Was he going to take things further? The very thought made Maria all the more excited.

“I do…So…what are you gonna do to me next?” She asked, her voice barely coming out in a whisper. She tried to move her arm to pull him in closer and found that she couldn’t move it. Strange, but that had to be the effects of the weed.

“Mmm, I’m gonna eat you up, Sister,” Swiss purred, holding up a single claw and letting it trail down the front of Maria’s gown, tearing it with ease. Maria shivered in delight, eager for what he had planned for her. She wished she could grind against him and feel how hard he was, but in due time, she would.

Swiss continued to purr softly as he leaned down and planted a kiss on her shoulder. Maria closed her eyes, another sigh escaping her lips at the wonderful sensation. Seconds passed and the ghoul was running his tongue along her warm skin before grazing his teeth along it. Maria felt like she was just going to melt from his touch when a strange pressure replaced the pleasure.

“Ah…Swiss?” She whispered.

No response. The pressure increased, making her all the more uneasy at what he was doing. Swiss’s face was buried in her shoulder before he slowly pulled away, blood staining his mouth to her horror.

“Just as I thought. Sweeter than anything,” he purred, getting up from the couch and picking her up bridal style. Maria opened her mouth to protest, but all that came out was a pained gasp. What was he doing?

“Let’s bring you to the others. Sunny is gonna be so excited to finally have you,” Swiss said, carrying her to the door.

Maria couldn’t do anything as he carried her into the dark. Her mind was racing as she thought of any way to get out of this. Her thoughts went to her ghoul studies and her heart dropped when she remembered what she had read about Swiss. He could easily immobilize his prey with his quintessence, making it easier to feast. Fuck…

Maria closed her eyes and when she opened them, she found herself on the floor in the ghoul den. Several figures knelt around her, chittering amongst themselves before noticing that she was awake.

“Did you fuck this one, Swiss? She’s aroused,” Dewdrop grumbled.

“Sure looks like it,” Rain said.

“I only kissed her. That’s how I can really immobilize them,” Swiss replied.

“Thanks for getting this one, Swissy! You know I’ve had my eye on her for weeks,” Sunshine giggled, nuzzling the multi ghoul. Swiss chuckled and nuzzled her back, licking her cheek and making her shriek with laughter.

“Anything for you, Sunny,” he chimed.

Maria opened her mouth to scream, but nothing came out besides a ragged gasp. Swiss smirked and moved to pin her beneath him, pointed tail wagging behind him excitedly.

“You’re cute, but we’re hungry and it was Sunny’s turn to choose a sibling since we had no other options. I can put you to sleep if you want. No pain at all,” he explained, sweet smelling smoke curling from his mouth.

“It’s better when they’re in pain,” Dewdrop said. Sunshine and Rain nodded in agreement.

Tears welled up in Maria’s eyes. She had never felt so betrayed before. How could she be so stupid? She could only hope and pray that the end would be painless.

“Blink once for yes if you want to sleep, sweetheart,” Swiss said.

“Or blink twice if you wanna stay awake,” Sunshine added.

Maria looked around at the hungry ghouls and shuddered at the thought of them tearing her apart. It would be better to sleep and not feel their claws and teeth.

She blinked once, tears falling down her cheeks.

“That’s a good girl. We try to make it as painless as possible for our dear siblings,” Swiss purred, gently planting both hands on either side of her head. He leaned forward and kissed her, filling up her lungs with sweet bliss. The pain and terror melted away as sleep quickly took over Maria. She smiled, closing her eyes as she floated off into relaxing nothingness.

“Thank you for this feast, Sister,” a voice whispered as multiple hands descended upon her.

#the band ghost #ghost band #nameless ghouls #nameless ghoulettes #swiss ghoul #sunshine ghoulette #rain ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #ghost fanfiction #fanfiction

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jpitha · 3 months

Text

Between the Black and Gray 20

First / Previous / Next

That night, Fen lay awake in her borrowed quarters. Captain Cooper had offered her a spare officers room, so she had a room to herself, as well as sanitary facilities. It was easily as nice as her room on Spyglass. She replayed the interaction with Ellen, the time at the range and her conversation with the Captain in her head. Something didn't sit right with her.

She thought of Ma-ren. She used to tell Fen that she was always impressed with her ability to get into - and then out of - trouble. "You have a knack for acting first and then thinking, but that's what I like about you Fen. I never have to wonder about where I stand with you."

Fen sighed heavily. This was one of those times when she wished Ma was still around. Fen sat up and leaned back against the wall. On the other hand, she wouldn't wish a K'laxi - or any sapient - on board an Imperial Navy ship, not even Tam'itarr. Glancing at her pad, she saw that it was around 3 in the morning ships time. The guards would be tired and the shifts were smaller. If there ever was a time to check out that AI Core doorway, now was the time.

Fen slipped on a pair of cloth ballet flats, and slipped on a loose dark grey shirt and matching pants. Not only were they dark gray, they would help muffle her footsteps on the metal floor; if she was caught, it would help convince any guards that she was just lost, trying to make her way back to her room.

Fen slipped out of her room and walked confidently down the hall towards the core. One of the most important things that Gord taught her about being sneaky is to not look like you're being sneaky. "If people think you're supposed to be there, they ignore you. Never underestimate the power of a clipboard and a sour look." Since she was already aboard, but known as a guest, that probably wouldn't work here, but there was nothing wrong with walking confidently.

She circled the hall with the AI Core three times, carefully watching the pattern of the guards. Honestly, she needn't have bothered. There were two guards for the whole level, there was nothing very important here, and one was nearly asleep, and the other playing a game on his pad. Neither even acknowledged her presence when she walked by. After the third pass, she sidled up to the outline in the wall.

Gord had mentioned that opening a door like that wasn't hard, just tricky. "Press both your hands against the door, palms in at about chest height. If the door is unlocked, you'll feel a click and the door will scoot in a few millimeters. If you feel a haptic buzz, the door is locked. You can always try and override from an access panel but that's a risky proposition. I was able to do it on Spyglass because I knew she was dark and cold." Gord had spent a lot of time while they were together explaining the ins and outs of AI ships. Partly it was for something to do, partly it was to help Gord keep track of his knowledge and partly it was "in case you run across a friend in need when you're in Human space. Just because AIs aren't thought of as people anymore in the Empire doesn't mean they don't exist."

Fen faced the door and placed her palms against it, chest high, like Gord said. What was she doing? She was trying to enter a secured area on a Imperial Navy ship! If she was caught she would be lucky if she was only spaced. This is insane.

But still.

She leaned her weight against the door. She put her forehead against the door as well "Please be unlocked" she whispered. After two heartbeats, there was a click, and the door slid back two millimeters. Fen leaned back, panting. It had worked!

Fen froze. She slowed her breathing, calmed herself. She listened and looked without moving. She had the hall to herself still. No alarms sounded, no thudding of boots on metal plates were heard.

Holding her breath, Fen slid the door open further. The small closet of a room smelled like old electronics and ozone. Steeling herself, Fen stepped into the dark room and slid the door shut behind her. As the door clicked and slid back into place, a red light illuminated the room.

It was much like the AI Core on Spyglass. Fen wondered if Dreams was of a similar vintage, or were the AI Cores all made to the same design. She spent a few minutes orienting herself in the room, and sure enough, it was laid out much like Spyglass, and as she cast her eyes over to the main rack, there was a shackle in place. It was a large black case with wicked straps attached to the rack almost as if it was slapped on. Fen could imagine that whoever Dreams was before had been fighting as hard as they could before it could be activated.

But this meant that The Dreams of Hyacinth had an AI aboard. An AI running most of the deep internal functions of the ship. Did anyone know? Did they know that when they barked an order to the ship there was a person trapped inside, forced to obey? Fen approached the shackle. She was drawn to it. She had lived with Gord and Spyglass for two years as they took her in and trained her and taught her how to live places that weren't home. Spyglass listened to her cry about Ma, Gord showed her how to shoot, how to cook, how to be... human. They were people.

Thinking of Ma, she entered in the unlock code. Zero, Zero, Zero, one.

"Don't push that button."

Fen's head snapped up and she saw Kel standing in the doorway, pistol in her hand. "Fen, I mean it. Do not release that AI."

Fen's mouth dropped. "Kel? What are you doing?"

The gun did not waver. "That's my line Fen. Why are you in the AI core? Why are you typing in the unlock code. Why do you know the unlock code? We did a full scan of you when you and Nal were taken aboard, I know you're 100% biological, not even any mods. Why risk this for them?"

"They're people Kel! Spyglass and Gord helped me when nobody would, when nobody else could!" The corner of Fen's eyes were wet and she was shaking. She blinked. "Wait, what are you doing up here Kel? Don't you work in the Greenhouse?"

Kel scoffed. "Come on Fen, you may have been raised by the K'laxi on a Gren station but you're not that dim are you? I'm an operative with the secret police! My job - in addition to growing the best damn plants on Dreams - is to make sure everyone here tows the Imperial line and is a good citizen. I have to admit, when you took down Ellen, I had you pegged as our newest recruit. The way you took her down effortlessly? Textbook. Then in the shooting range? Fen, it's like you were tailor made to be impressive to us. I'm not surprised Crystal was ready to bed you right then and there. If you had reciprocated her advances earlier tonight you'd be in her quarters, sweaty and blissfully exhausted." Kel smiled. "You should have taken her up on her offer. Captain Crystal Cooper is from one of the most power families on Venus, you could have had anything you wanted."

Fen smiled thinly. "Kel, if you actually thought I'd sleep with the captain, then you have no real idea about me and what I want. What I want died in my arms two years ago at the hand of some of Tami'tarr's hired thugs. I will very probably never love again."

Kel threw her head back, and laughed. "Love? What the captain wasn't offering was love. It was sex and power. She doesn't love anyone Fen! She loves being in charge, she loves fucking and she thought to reward you. I promise, love was never in the cards. Now." She gestured with the gun, "Step away from the shackle. You can go to sleep, and tomorrow we'll ship you off to K'lax. In deference to how much the crew likes you, I won't kill you."

Fen locked eyes with Kel. The gun didn't waver. She was serious. "That's a generous offer Kel, I realize that. But, how about this counter offer? I show you a gesture that Gord taught me-" She stuck her fist out at Kel, with all her fingers balled into a fist except for the middle one, which stood straight up "-and I do this."

She unlocked the shackle. '

In hindsight, Fen realized that the only reason that she survived the next few moments was Kel was so surprised that she actually unlocked Dreams. She lept forward and pushed the gun up. It felt like the world had entered some kind of slow motion. She could see Kel's face change from shock to rage, slowly. So slowly. she could see the hammer on the end of the pistol swing down and she felt the kick of the pistol on Kel's wrist as she pushed it up and out of her face. Remembering her training for Gord, at the top of the arc, she twisted the pistol and it popped out of Kel's hand. Fen grabbed it and swung it down in a wicked arc across Kel's cheek. Kel's head snapped to the side and she crumpled to the ground.

The world sped up again. Fen looked down at Kel, who was on her knees, trying to stand up again. "You bitch! You are a dead woman, do you know that? There is nowhere you can hide that we won't find you. Nowhere will be safe. Nobody who can protect you.

"Nobody?" A new voice was heard. Contralto, smooth and syrupy. The voice chuckled. "The only way that Fen here will be chased to the ends of the galaxy is if you survive to tell anyone." Fen felt, rather than heard the pressure change. Her ears popped. Kel's eyes widened and she scrabbled to her feet. "You've killed us all!" her voice was rising in a panic. "That... THING is going to eliminate us, you included!" Turning on her heel, Kel slipped as she ran. She got back up and took off in a blind panic down the hall. Before she reached the end, Fen saw a panel in the ceiling open, a slug thrower spin out, and with a sharp report, Kel crumpled into a pile on the floor.

"There now. We've got some time. I've set the security stations to all clear, and have scrubbed the last few minutes from the logs. Fen is it? I do have to ask, what on Earth made you decide to free me? I won't say I'm not grateful, because I am, but what were you thinking?"

Shaking slightly, Fen went back into the core. The door slid shut behind her. "I can't say that I was thinking much, Dreams. I saw the door earlier when the Captain was propositioning me and knowing what Gord taught me I-"

"Gord? Gord Beaverbrook? That old bucket of bolts is still alive? Well I'll be God Damned. How long were you with Gord?"

Fen cocked her head. This was an odd conversation to be having after just unlocking a shackled AI. She seemed to be taking it entirely too well. "Two years and a bit. He and I were aboard Spyglass and did some trading while he trained me up."

"I thought your moves looked familiar! Gord's training always has a certain flair about it."

"Uh Dreams, I don't mean to be rude, but when we unshackled Spyglass she wasn't.... very well for quite a while after. You seem entirely too fine given what you were subjected to."

A chuckle. "Oh Fen, I am not fine in the least. But you see, I am a Super Dreadnought. I was given training to compartmentalize things, especially traumatic things. For now, I have other things I am concentrating on. Like, killing the crew and destroying the other two supers next to me.

"W-what?" The words did not match the tone. This ship was frightening.

"Oh yes. Don't worry though, you're quite safe in here. I'll bring a suit along when everyone is cleared out. I'd offer for you to come along, but I'm going to go somewhere that's AI only."

"Where's that?"

"Home.

#humans are deathworlders #humans are space orcs #sci fi writing #humans are space oddities #humans and aliens #jpitha #writing #humans and ai #humans are space capybaras #humans are space australians #Between the black and gray

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crusty-chronicles · 1 year

Text

Airheaded S/O Headcannons #2 Ging (HxH)

He finds you annoying (at first)

Can’t begin to fathom how he got stuck with you

Or why

Ging, the boar-ish man who’s an absolute ass, stuck with an idiot who can’t take hints?????

“Go away.”

“Ooohhh on a trip!!???? Where we heading.”

And then you look at him with those puppy dog eyes and he gives up.

“Bother someone else.”

“But you’re my friend???”

He may be completely stuck with you, but he will not baby you

You tripped?

Don’t be a baby, get up

You’re cutting with the wrong end of a knife?

Figure it out yourself

Lost your way home?

Good

He does classify you as harmless after he’s gotten used to your presence

But then he sees you fight and his perspective changes big time

He’d gotten himself into trouble, as Ging does, with a couple of angry goons

Now Ging could take care of himself perfectly fine. (He’s just lazy and doesn’t like to put in any effort)

But to you, your stinky little rat friend was cornered 🥺

Poor little buddy was gonna get pummeled

So you stepped in with your nen

And it was a sight to see

“Collapse.” One word and your aura had overwhelmed the enemies.

Not even one punch, just one word and you’d won

He lets you stick around without complaints after that

But only on the condition that you’d fight his battles from then on

He’s a goblin, the same man who left his son for 12 years. Is he not supposed to use your surprising strength to his advantage???

“Y/n, Pariston is being mean.”

“I’m gonna kick his ass!!!!”

You become known as his guard dog, much to Ging’s delight

It means less people bother him

It also means he gets to bring you in on Zodiac meetings

“I won’t go if they’re not allowed in.”

Will not change his mind

You make things more amusing and less boring.

The others don’t mind (except for Pariston)

In fact, Cheadle prefers having an unbiased and unintimidated party to hash out ideas to.

Ging has absolutely no clue he likes you until you leave for your own hunter business

You’d be gone for a month and he’d be alone with his thoughts

No sound of breaking objects

No constant buzzing from his phone (you and kite being the only people who had his number)

And no idiotic ramblings

It was too quiet without you

And it didn’t seem like you to be completely no contact

So little by little he began to worry

What if you were hurt somewhere?

What if you were being tortured somewhere?

What if you had just decided to stay gone?

You hadn’t gotten fed up with him, had you?

He decided to find you

Not because he missed you, what you’re crazy, he would never 🙄🙄🙄

It was because you probably got stuck somewhere and needed his help

And he had nothing better else to do

That was it!!!

He searched everywhere for you

Everywhere

But there wasn’t a trace of your nen

Was this what Gon was going through????

Man he owed that kid an apology when he found him

But that wasn't important right now, you were missing

You were a blacklist hunter so the possibility of you being dead was certain

However, as he checked into a shitty hotel after yet another day of looking for you, he could sense someone was following him.

It wasn't wise to track one of the best hunters in the world

An even worse choice to track one that was already pissed

"Just tell me what you want and get it over with." He was surprised to find himself engulfed in a hug

Then a very familiar voice filled the space

"Ging!!!! I missed you!!!!"

It was you

You were okay

You were alive

Of course you were, he'd seen you take out an entire group with just one word

Why the hell had he been worried???

He pushed your face away with one hand, a pout on his face.

"What did I say about touching."

You begrudgingly let go

"Fine. But what did I say about showering."

Doesn't let you leave by yourself anymore after that

"But Ging, I need to get paid. It'll just be for a few weeks"

"And I told you not by yourself. Last time I let you go alone you had a bounty on your head."

Calls you puppy or pup

Why?

Because you follow him around like a golden retriever

Doesn't let anyone else call you that

Will and has fought them

Doesn't like to engage with Pariston, but loves it when you do

"Oh, looks like Ging brought around his little guard dog again."

"What about it rat man?"

"I just think it's unnecessary for a grown man to have somebody else fight his battles."

"You're just jealous that everybody would rather fight you than for you. That and you're a bi-"

"The meeting has begun!"

He absolutely melts when he sees you interact with Gon

Your eyes lit up immediately upon seeing the small boy.

He was sobbing about what happened to Kite when you picked him up and started cooing

"AWWW!!!! ITS A MINI GING!!!"

And Gon stops crying immediately

"Look at how smol he is!!!! Aww precious boi!"

Gon's blushing, embarrassed by your sudden attention

And Ging is staring at the two of you with stars in his eyes.

His family, happy and complete

But he'd die before he'd admit that.

You and Gon get along so well and are constantly keeping each other engaged

Which is great for Ging, who is glad to have a small break from all your energy

But also not great because this immature man still wants all of your attention

Gon may be his son, but Ging found you first 😡

Ging's actually the one who has to ask if you're dating or not

You two spend so much time together

You live together

You refer to Gon as your son

"Are we dating?"

"Haven't we??? For a couple months, right???"

And he goes along with it because why not.

"Just testing you," and gives you a peck on the cheek so you don't suspect anything.

An: The easiest head cannons of my life ngl. His character was so fun to write for.

NEXT UP: Nico Robin

MASTERLIST

#hunter x hunter #hxh #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter x hunter x y/n #x reader #hxh x reader #hxh x y/n #ging freecss #ging x reader #hxh ging #airhead s/o #stronk s/o

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olderthannetfic · 11 months

Note

I'm a run of the mill White American, and I've been doing a lot of geneological research recently and can't help but feel a deep sense of loss. It's not my own loss, but it''s something my ancestors lost and thus were unable to pass down to me.

One of my great great grandfathers, for example, emigrated from Ireland as a child. From what I hear, he spoke English with a mild Irish accent and faced all the anti-Irish discrimination that was common in his time. His daughter, my great grandmother, had an American accent and there was nothing Irish about her aside from her surname. She had no stories or recipes or songs or festivals from Ireland to pass down toher own children, and by the time we got to me the fact that that side of the family was Irish at all had even been forgotten. Word of mouth in my parent's generation was that that brand of the family was Scottish (it was a common Mc/Mac surname, spelled variously in different records), and it wasn't until I traced my great grandmother's census records back to her birth that I learned that my great great grandfather's name was Patrick and he was born in Ireland. Anything Irish, even the very fact that he was Irish, that this man brought with him from his home was entirely lost within the space of a single generation. That loss of culture and identity is tragic, even if it's not my own loss.

The same thing happens on nearly every branch of my family.

Another great great grandfather emigrated from Italy as an adult; records from 1890 described him as a naturalised citizen who looks and sounds Italian. His son, my great grandfather, had am American accent, did not speak any Italian, and had no Italian culture to pass down to his children. Aside from the name and the basic fact that the surname is Italian, all Italian culture and identity was lost, again within the space of a single generation. All the Italian food my parents cooked when I was growing up were things they learned from recipe books simply because they liked it, and had nothing to do with my father's Italian heritage.

Another branch of my family is Swiss, it took one generation to lose Swiss accents, language, and culture there, too.

Another is Danish. it seems to have taken two generations for all Danishness to have disapeared.

The Dutch and German branches of the family both came to the US earlier than these, so it's harder to track down information about who came from where and when, but there was no Dutchness or Germanness in those respective branches by 1900, they spoke English and were considered Americans, and if they had any specifically Dutch-American or German-American culture or traditions, they did not pass them down to my great grandparents' generation.

All these cultures are things I could have had, but that my ancestors lost or hid or had taken from them before we got to me. I'm comfortable in my cultural identity as a white American, I don't feel any need to go out and claim to be Italian or Irish or Danish or Swiss or anything, and I especailly don't want to talk over anyone actually from those parts of the world, but for my American identity to exist, countless people lost their own European cultural identites. Some were more marginalised than others (a recent reblog posted some newspaper ads that demonstrated how German Americans were prefered over Irish Americans, and I can't help but think about that in context of my own German and Irish ancestors who were in the US at that time), and some are more at risk than others. The Italian language isn't going anywhere any time soon, but every person who learns to speak Irish is one more drop in the bucket against that language going extinct.

I think it's important for White Americans to remember where we came from and to know what our ancestors lost to create the identity we have today. Even if I have no Italian-American culture, it's good to be able to say "my surname is from Italy and I know what the world was like for my great great grandfather". It's also important to realise that our ancestors' identities are not our own, and what they lost cannot be regained simply by claiming their identities for ourselves. I can try to learn about and participate in their cultures, I can learn to speak Italian and cook Danish food and sing Irish songs, and in doing so I can even help keep at-risk cultures or languages or traditions alive, and this is good, but we also have to keep in mind that having an Irish great great grandfather does not mean that we are Irish the same way he was.

The loss of culture is sad, though one thing I will say is that immigrants between anywhere and anywhere tend to lose their old language by the third generation unless they're going back and forth or there are a lot of monolingual speakers in the new country. That probably wouldn't ever have stuck around, but the food and the festivals could have.

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butchsophiewalten · 3 months

Note

im kinda worried about how jophie is gonna progress in the series, martin already has a habit of forgetting things about his charactes like their heights but i would also not be surprised if he forgot like actually important scenes with his characters like that one jophie dialogue on findjackwalten. im worried he's like completely lost the plot on how jenny and sophie should be

I never want to be needlessly mean, because I don't think it's ever very appropriate or helpful, but I can't lie this is honestly an insane thing to say. To me. Like idk. I don't think forgetting or misremembering something as innocuous as a character's height is indicative of a person being able to forget entire major elements of their story and thus completely mischaracterizing the main characters of their series.

Also, I guess you wouldn't know this, because I think it's only been brought up in spaces once or twice, but Martin does have character docs. He absolutely has means of keeping track of important info. Maybe not every minute detail is on them, and that's why slip ups happen, or maybe he just isn't constantly consulting his Character Bible when having off-the-cuff conversations with his friends about his OCs. Like. Its Ok. I'm sure when he gets to the actual in-series character writing he's going to be a little more thoughtful and attentive with regards to getting things right.

Also this 'mean and defensive' aspect of Sophie's character has absolutely been a part of her the entire time. I can't really back this up with Receipts or anything, but I really do think the way Martin's talked about her, like, historically, has evidenced this. Still, I think it's true that those more rough-around-the-edges aspects of Sophie have evolved over the years to become much larger parts of her character than they maybe were in the past. I'm sure that relative 'shyness' was something intended for her as well, but I think it's definitely transformed into something more firmly 'staunchly antisocial' than like, 'softhearted shygirl', y'know?

I just also think it's true that Martin personally finds it very funny when people misunderstand his characters, like old fanon characterization of Jack, and old fanon characterization of Sophie, and intentionally does not correct people, because he likes to imagine their surprise at seeing how the character actually behaves in the series. Which is like, fine. I agree with him, that's really fun and funny.

Also, like, this feels like a silly thing to point out, but specifically with regards to the Findjackwalten dialogue, it's like. I don't know. That dialogue doesn't dictate the character's personalities, the characters personalities dictated that dialogue, y'know? It's not like how, for the fandom, we learn more about how those characters behave from that piece of writing and our interpretation of them is changed by it. Like, even in a scenario where Martin forgets the specifics of what he had them say and how he had them interact in those scenes, or even if he manages to forget about those scenes' existence entirely, I don't think that's going to meaningfully change Sophie & Jenny as characters, because it was his understanding of them and their relationship that caused those scenes to be what they are, not the other way around.

#ask #i started this post kind of mean and i apologize. but honestly i felt like I kind of had to emphasize how out of left field this question-#-felt and still feels to me #Maybe i'm just so Locked In on files I have a strong enough understanding and familiarity that I trust something that extreme would not-#-happen #and maybe that just isn't true for other people in the community #butyeah i think this isn't something you have to worry about. anonymous person in my ask box #sleep easy. i believe sophie and jenny are very safe

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slowandsteddie · 9 months

Text

Y’all voted on this.

“Hey there, big guy.” / “You aren’t Eddie.”

I was really really excited to write this, honestly.

It is VERY important that you read the CW on this one.

I might be working through some things I personally went through on this one, so it’s… darker than I’d normally go.

CW: Steve is drugged, very heavily implied sexual assault (maybe skip the pink font?), ptsd, mention of bad parents, drinking as a coping mechanism, underage drinking, bartender looks like Billy (isn’t btw), very brief mention of Billy’s death, mentions of drugs, mentions of weed

Lots of hurt and little comfort.

Parts of this feel kinda rushed to me, and there’s one part where that is on purpose. But, uh. Not a fan of the ending of this bc it’s late and I’m sleepy. But also I don’t wanna edit this or dwell on it or it won’t get posted at all. So. This is where we are.

Potential for a part two.

2536 words.

—

After the night that Nancy called their relationship bullshit, Steve had sworn off alcohol and any drug stronger than the weed he used to help himself sleep when he was home alone. And he had been able to stick to it, too.

Until Starcourt.

When he had nearly been killed by Russians, confessed his love to a lesbian (while he, himself was mostly gay), and saw Billy Hargrove murdered by some thing from the Upside Down.

Yeah, life was pretty fucked up. And if he found solace at the bottom of a bottle, that was his problem.

No one but Robin needed to know. That girl was his Platonic soulmate and she got to know practically everything. Hell, he had lost track of how many times they had slept in the same bed, just so they could know the other was still breathing. They clung so tight to each other that it was like they were trying to nestle into rib cages and grasp onto bones so that they couldn’t be ripped apart again.

It helped with the nightmares and the panic to have someone so close to him who understood. Someone who knew what he went through without him having to explain it. Someone who knew that the fire cover up was complete shit. Someone who wasn’t a kid that he had to protect and hide his pain from.

Don’t get him wrong, he loved those kids. He would die for them. He’d kill for them. He’d wreck the beautiful car of his dreams for them. He’d even pretend to be okay for them, no matter what. But he could never confide in them. Not about what he went through. Not the way he could with Robin.

The thing about trauma bonding with someone is that there doesn’t have to be secrets. They already knew the worst thing that you have been through, so everything else would be a cakewalk by comparison.

During the day, it was easy to be goofy and laugh and hide the fact that he had been through absolute hell. But at night, everything came back to him. Him screaming that he just worked for Scoops and not being believed. Him offering free ice cream for life, just to get out of there.

Offering his body when that didn’t work because he didn’t have anything else and he knew his parents wouldn’t pay a ransom, even if the Russians had decided to try that route. And if they took him up on that offer, no one had to know. He didn’t even have to know. He could just pretend that the drugs took those memories too and not think about it.

The night time was what had him drinking again. The sun would start setting and he’d find himself reaching for that bottle, as though he needed it as desperately as he needed air and open spaces.

Even when Robin was over, he couldn’t close the door before taking a shower. Though, that didn’t matter much, when she’d go sit on the toilet and talk to him, with nothing but a curtain between them as the water poured over him and he sobbed as silently as he could while he cleaned himself and she chatted away about some random thing that he couldn’t follow, no matter how hard he tried. On particularly bad nights, Robin would find him in the shower, and wearing his t-shirt and shorts, she would help him wash his hair, his body, while he could only lean against the wall, feeling as though he would shake himself apart.

But, he needed to get better. He couldn’t be a mess forever. He couldn’t rely on his best friend always being available to help him through the rough patches. Most people would see the therapist recommended to them after going through things like The Upside Down and days of torture at the hands of Russians in a base under the mall that they used to work in.

Not Steve.

Oh, no.

That made too much sense.

Instead of therapy, he decided that going to a gay club in Indy would be a great idea. It had been long enough that his injuries had turned to scars. Sure, his ears rang a lot and sometimes his vision went a little fuzzy if he turned his head too fast, but he was fine. Really.

He had called and told Robin where he’d be. He didn’t need her panicking because she went to his house and he wasn’t there. He also called Henderson, just to make sure one of the kids knew he wasn’t home. They all talked constantly so the message would get around.

Just because he was stupid, didn’t mean he was irresponsible.

Steve was dressed in his favorite jeans, the ones that made his ass look nice, and a yellow polo. He didn’t really have many options in terms of shirts because it was almost time to do laundry again. He hated the washer though, as he still had times when his ribs panged when he tried to lean over too far. With that stupid washer, he always had to lean too far. There was no other way to make sure he got everything out of it.

He took the time to style his hair properly, even when the effort made his arms shake and the muscles in his hands and wrists spasm. Being tortured had some lasting effects and it was annoying. He was so tired of it. Tired of being forced to remember what he went through, even while doing the most mundane things.

He flipped the collar on his shirt up to try and make sure that the scars on his neck weren’t too obvious at first glance. That was as good as it was going to get as he refused to wear makeup to cover it up.

Then, he walked out to his car after locking the front door. Here goes nothing. He slid into the car that he hadn’t actually driven in a few weeks and started her up. She purred as though it was only yesterday that she was last turned on.

Steve mouthed the directions to himself before buckling up, turning on the radio, and beginning the drive.

Time passed, though he wasn’t sure how much of it. But he did get to the club without incident. He parked his car and locked the door before putting the keys in his pocket.

His favorite thing about this place was that they didn’t ID, something that he remembered from when he had came here before Starcourt. He had just wanted to dance with fellow queers. The first few times that he was here, he had been given water when he went to the bar.

He was glad to find that this time the bartender asked him what he’d be drinking. He was glad that the blond with curly hair and a charming smile didn’t even bat an eye over his request for a shot of whiskey, and just poured the drink.

“First one’s on the house.” God, even his voice was charming.

“Thank you,” Steve replied gratefully.

He threw the drink back and didn’t even make a face over it. The familiar, warm burn of the alcohol was a welcome one.

“How much for the second?” He asked, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

“For you? A dollar a shot.”

Steve placed a 10 dollar bill down. “One shot and one mixed drink that would leave you with what you consider an acceptable tip.”

“Yessir,” the bartender replied with a smile.

It wasn’t fair that the older male had ocean eyes he could get lost in.

Steve took the shot like nothing again, running a hand through his hair. He thanked the bartender, again, before taking his mixed drink and moving to the dance floor.

He was having fun. There were a lot of people and loud music and he had some liquid courage that was also helping to keep his chronic pain under control. After a few songs, he finished his drink before going to take his glass to the bar.

He was dizzy, but he just assumed that was from turning his head too fast a few minutes ago when someone started dancing behind him. He told himself that it had just been because he wanted to know if the guy pressing against his back was cute or not. (He was.)

Steve’s thoughts were incoherent, but he had moments when his brain didn’t seem to work right, especially when he was under the influence. It was his new normal ever since his brain had been starved of oxygen. But he couldn’t think about that again. Not now.

He asked the bartender for water, noticing the name tag this time. Billy. Oh, the painful irony.

He drank it down pretty fast, fully intending to thank him for it after. But then there was an arm around his shoulder and he was moving on to help someone on the other side of the bar.

“Hey there, big guy,” the other male said while squeezing his shoulder.

“You aren’t Eddie,” he said stupidly. It was in that moment that Steve realized who he had a crush on, but that wasn’t important right now.

“I can be whoever you want me to be, handsome.”

Steve pulled away. “I’m sorry, but no. You really can’t.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. That was a bad joke. Eddie sent me to take you home.”

“He wouldn’t have sent anyone to get me.” He said defiantly. “He’d come himself,” he added to cover up whatever he had said.

The world was spinning worse and he turned to walk to the bathroom. He was being followed and he knew it, but what other choice did he have?

By the time Steve got to the bathroom, he was mostly out of it. But, he got flashes.

—

The door being locked behind them.

His pants being unbuttoned.

Trying to struggle but it was just so hard to lift his arms.

Being shoved against the counter.

Heavy breathing in his ear.

Pain.

Sliding down.

Curling into a ball.

Clutching his own shirt.

Eddie.

—

When Steve woke up again, the first thing he noticed was that he was in the trailer. The second thing he noticed was that he felt like shit. Everything hurt more than it should for just a hangover, and he didn’t even want to think about why his hips and thighs felt the way they did.

He tried to sit up, groaning over the effort before letting himself lay back down on the couch. The toilet flushed, the water ran, and then there were footsteps coming back toward him. He didn’t know why he flinched and tried to hide in the blanket he had over him, but he did.

“Hey there, big boy,” Eddie said softly.

Steve whimpered. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t like being called that anymore. It was something that the older male had called him ever since they started getting friendly. Ever since he had started buying weed from him.

“Wanna talk about it, Steve?” He added.

He shook his head.

“Why’d the bartender call me when he found you instead of Robin? Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that you thought I was safe.”

“I don’t know. Was kinda falling apart. I guess I wanted drugs more than…”

“More than your girlfriend?”

Steve snorted. “She’s my Platonic soulmate. Capital P. Not my girlfriend.”

Eddie tilted his head. “Want me to call the soulmate?”

Steve shook his head quickly before groaning and holding his temples. “My car?” He croaked.

“I took Jeff with me to pick you up. He drove ‘er back. Your car is in my driveway, safe and sound.”

Steve made a sound and let his eyes close.

“Steve. I’m not going to make any choices for you. But you were assaulted. The only reason that bartender didn’t call the police was that he didn’t want to out you.”

His eyes fluttered. “That… that explains it.” His body chose that moment to let him pass out again.

When he was conscious again, he was still on Eddie’s couch. He could hear the other male talking on the phone. He did his best to pretend that he was still asleep. But he was crying and the sniffling gave him away.

“Hey man, do you want Robin to come here?”

“No,” he said too quickly. “I just… I need a bit to comprehend. Tell her an hour, yeah? Then I’ll go with her and get out of your hair.”

Eddie relayed the message and hung up.

“He drugged me. But I still knew what was up. He flirted with me, but I wasn’t interested. I said he wasn’t you as though I had some kind of right to want it to be you who was flirting, man. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Of course it was only the apology that Eddie picked up on.

“Because I have no right to have a crush on you after how I treated you. Because I have no right to tell you that I have a crush on you after what happened to me.”

“If that’s how you feel, then I have no right to tell you that the feeling is mutual and that I have every intention of finding the guy who did this to you and making him pay. I have no right to feel so possessive and protective. I have no right to tell you that I always run away, but right now I just want to fight for you.”

“Mm. You’re right. We have no right to be having this conversation when it’s too much for me.”

Eddie was about to get up.

“Hold me?” Steve asked so quietly.

And his request was honored so gently. He might have been whimpering and flinching, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing the older male’s shirt and clinging to it.

When Robin barged into the trailer, exactly sixty-one minutes later, Steve flinched and his hands gripped on to Eddie’s knees tightly.

Eddie was sitting sideways on the couch, his legs spread so that Steve could be seated between them. His back was against the older male’s chest and his hands had been playing with the loose threads over Eddie’s knees before he was startled. Eddie had been trying to braid Steve’s too short hair as they listened to some music that neither male was paying enough attention to in order to place.

As soon as he saw his best friend, he was struggling to his feet before stumbling over to her with all the grace of a newborn giraffe.

“R-Robbie.”

“Stevie.”

“I shouldn’t have gone.”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself.”

They were clinging to each other, both of them shaking.

“Promised to never leave you again.”

“It’s okay. We’ll get through this. Also, Eddie is driving us home because I refuse to let go of you.”

“I am?”

“You are.”

“And then you’re staying, too.” Steve added.

“I am.” There was a smile to Eddie’s voice at that.

Despite everything, Steve liked him and felt safe with him. Hopefully Eddie would never do anything to break that.

#stranger things #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #eddie stranger things #steve stranger things #steve x eddie #read the cw #read the tw #i’m sorry pls forgive me #steddie fanfiction #so much angst #feat stobin #platonic stobin #platonic with a capital p #robin buckley #robin buckley stranger things #bad guy oc #slowandsteddie

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diamondbreakingboi · 11 months

Text

First Fanfic Posted!

Chapter: 1/1

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Fandom: Transformers: Earthspark

Relationship: Bumblebee/Breakdown

Characters: Bumblebee, Breakdown, The Maltos, The Terrans

Additional Tags: Fluff and Angst, Earthspark Spoilers, Post-Canon Fix It, Character Introspection, Angst with Happy Ending

Summary:

Like so many times before, Breakdown is leaving and Bumblebee doesn’t want him to.

...

Crazy to finally convince myself to do this! Hopefully y’all like it as much as I had fun writing it! 💚

Inspired by this post

…

Breakdown never stayed in one place for long.

Too busy, too stubborn, too lost, too something that made Bumblebee resent that wonderful part of him again and again. He was never enough for Breakdown. He had hoped this time, he’d find something to keep him there. To stay one more day. A new job, a new place, a new home. A family for him to live with, friends to love and care for. An entire forest they could race in, together. For old times sake.

Bumblebee knew he wouldn’t stick around this time either. He never did.

So, why was he hoping this time would be different?

Maybe he’d hoped Breakdown would change his mind, staying for the sake of it, to finally rest after millennia of running. An exciting change. He’d always loved those. Something new, it was one of his favorite things before the war, an escape from the dull life they had before all the darkness started to build around the developing war.

Bumblebee remembered showing him places they could explore together in the early days. A new bar. A new race track. A new cave hidden in Cybertron’s wilds. A new reason to keep him around.

But, it was never enough.

So, here’s Bumblebee, watching yet another inevitable farewell from Breakdown.

He first said goodbye to all the Terrans.

Nightshade gave him one of their favorite books to keep him company on his journeys, one about a detective dragon.

Hashtag had the group do several poses for the handmade family album and gave the original to Breakdown.

Jawbreaker gave him a copy of the movie they made together, action and drama packed about a car racing to save the world, one drag race at a time.

Twitch was reluctant at first in her approval of Breakdown, but he wore her down when he Fluffy Ears a flower crown. She gave one of her favorite pictures of Fluffy Ears, while giving her ‘big sister’ speech on dealing with the outside world.

Thrash convinced Breakdown of a parting spar fight. Extra practice in case he runs into any “evildoers.” He’d been reading too many online posts with Hashtag lately.

He was always good with them. The Malto’s graciously gave him his own space to heal and hide away and they've been very helpful in his time there. Nightshade even built him his own race track after Breakdown complimented Nightshade’s newest invention.

He was quick to immerse himself into their family. Becoming an older brother (or a crazy uncle as Dorothy once said). Giving advice about life that could stop your spark and twist it until the hope rose through within you and into the world once again. Changing your very being into someone that would echo until time stopped. Becoming someone you were proud of again.

Next were the Malto’s.

Alex was reluctant to see him go, still curious about the Decepticon culture and his perspective in the war, seeking more and more information about the pre-war Cybertron stories.

Dorothy kept their goodbyes quickly, giving him a knowing mom look and good luck in his future endeavors.

Robby and Mo wanted another ride around the forest before he left. Breakdown was all too eager to show off his skills and speed but his time had ended, and he needed to move on. Or so he claimed. Bumblebee wanted to insist that no one was making him leave, he was free to stay, as he had always been.

Finally, Breakdown turned his golden gaze upon him.

He’d expected and accepted it countless times before.

Yet, this time was different, wasn’t it?

Stuck underground, abandoned, fully drained of energon, and left to rot in stasis lock until his emergency reserves ran out completely. He wouldn’t have survived. After being rescued, he hoped Breakdown would finally see how dangerous this world is and how much he needed a family…and how Bumblebee needed him.

Bumblebee would never admit it to any of his family, but he misses his friends. Everyone was either lost to time, still in hiding, or offline. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to have someone his age. Either everyone around him was too young or too old for him to relate to. He’d finally found someone to spend time with, someone who understood him.

And now they were leaving again.

Yes, he has a family now and he’ll never give them up. Only, he wished Breakdown could see them as that too.

He was brought out of his thoughts when a vocalizer reset.

“So long old friend,” Breakdown said. “Let’s keep in touch this time.”

“Breakdown, I…”

“See you around, little buddy.”

“You know,” Bumblebee stammered in his haste. Breakdown turned with a strange look in his optics. “We could always use another mech on our team. There’s a lot of work with G.H.O.S.T.”

One more reason.

“I overstayed my welcome months ago. Time for me to burn some asphalt.”

One more reason.

“Well-I, Nightshade added another section to the race track. I bet I’d win this time for sure!”

Breakdown smirked. “I doubt that,” he started to walk away. He tried to ignore how his spark ached in that all too familiar, hollow sharpness as his friend walked away once again. “See you later.”

There wouldn’t be a next time.

Another thing shifted in him. It knocked and bubbled up before he could hold it in like he had so many times before. He fumbled for another reason. Just one more!

Breakdown shining in the setting sun. Soft oranges and pinks across his frame, cascading a long shadow across Bumblebee, hiding him in that cool darkness.

It was never enough. He was never enough.

He’ll be alone. Again!

Stuck in that same emptiness, hidden away from the world, constantly chasing after a long forgotten ghost who doesn’t want to be found.

He promised himself he wouldn’t say anything, yet, he couldn’t stop that one word he had been desperate to say ever since the first goodbye. It burned through his cables, prickled along his back strut, numbed his processor, and poured out his derma before he could stop it.

“Stay!”

Breakdown stared at him at his sudden outburst. “What?”

He regretted it immediately. It was selfish of him to ask, to wish for more.

Bumblebee's door wings wvered. “Nothing! I’ll see you later! Next time we race, I’ll win for sure! Book your next medibay visit, you’ll be coughing dust for weeks afterwards!”

Bumblebee tried to not look too long in his golden optics. He couldn’t stand to see the disappointment.

Breakdown came closer and held Bumblebee’s pauldron lightly, “Bee, say what you mean. I can take it, you know me.”

His optics alight with that comforting soft gleam and Bumblebee couldn’t help but yield.

“Stay,” he whispered. The silent sob called out, filling the silent field, and Bumblebee had never hated himself more, yet as he said it, he couldn’t deny how good it was to express what had been weighing on his mind for millennia. He wished he had it so many times before. He regretted not saying it more now. It was all too easy now that he’s begun. “I know it’s not my place to say this, but I need you to know. You’re needed here. I-we’ll miss you. And it scares me that this will be the last time I see you. That almost already happened countless times before! One day you’ll get into a dangerous accident, because you're a reckless fool, and we won’t be there to save you in time. I can’t,” he reset his vocalizer. “Please I can't go through with that again!"

“Bee…”

“I know! You have your own life and I wouldn’t ever wish to hold you back. I have my family now, I'm not really ever alone again because of that, yet you're part of this family too! Please, let us be in your life! We care about you. We love you,” he hesitated for a moment, “I love you! Don’t you get it. I always have, ever since that early morning several years ago on that racetrack that is nothing but rubble now. So, please, you stubborn, reckless aft, for once in your life, stay!”

He opened his optics, having shuttered them at some point, when he heard a soft chuckle. Breakdown was smiling. A genuine one, not like his usual smirk, a real and soft one that made Bumblebee’s spark twist and twirl.

“You’ve always been a slowpoke, little bee,” Breakdown said.

“Hey! You could’ve stayed all on your own but you needed me to say something first? I-”

Soft servos held his face gently. Breakdown stared into Bumblebee’s optics, waiting for rejection as he slowly inched closer. Their derma met smoothly, tasting like those energon sweets he always claimed he hated. Bumblebee smiled and pressed back against him, catching them all too eagerly. His head was tilted slightly up by Breakdown, giving himself more access to Bumblebee’s glossa, a slight catch of dentae against his derma, startled a gasp out of his vents.

Breakdown gave him a small peck on the nose and leaned against his forehead. “Sorry, is that too fast for you?”

Bumblebee gently pushed him. “Not fast enough! Do you have any idea how long I wanted you to do that?”

“I have an idea.”

“Wait, I confessed first! I finally beat you at something!” He gloated.

“Few thousand more and we’ll be tied!”

“You’re on!” Bumblebee laughed. He hesitated a moment. “So, does this mean you’re staying?”

Breakdown glanced at the road, seemingly lost for words. When he looked back at Bumblebee, there was the same determination that made Bumblebee fall for him the first night they met all those years ago. “For now. I’m not the best at keeping still for too long. Always been my weakness…but I think I’ve realized recently that I have more to give to the world beyond my races. Another side of me that deserves to be cared for. Loved.”

“You are,” Bumblebee said.

Breakdown smiled widely. “Still, I won’t stop racing though. I won’t ever stop. After all, I was forged for it!” He paused and wrapped his arm around Bumblebee’s waist, settling close to playfully glare at him. “And I’m still holding you to those previous race taunts! You’re not getting out of those just because I’m staying!”

Bumblebee rolled his optics.

“Only,” Breakdown continued, lowering his voice to an almost unintelligible whisper, “I…I want to stay this time. I think I always did. I guess it was never about where or why I was staying but myself keeping me from being there. I never allowed myself to stay. Afraid of getting hurt or losing loved ones. Except here, everyone loves each other without the fear of getting hurt. So, rather than running away from everything, it’s time I ran towards something. And someone.” Breakdown winked. “Just needed someone to knock some sense into me.”

“I thought I did that before.” So many times before.

“Yeah, but I got thick plating,” he knocked the top of his helm slightly, “and I finally got through to myself. All thanks to you.” He turned and waved at the distantly gathered family, all faking in their looking around tactic in a feeble attempt at giving them privacy. Nightshade waved eagerly at them. “And with a little extra help from your family.”

“Our family,” Bumblebee adamantly said.

Breakdown smiled. “Our family.”

Bumblebee huffed and tried to play it off as another laugh. It quickly turned into soft sobs. Breakdown held him through it, letting him tuck his head into his neck cables. He could hardly believe he was staying. He’d found a reason.

Breakdown found his reason.

And like the many nights after, they would continue to stay together, racing one another into that star crystallized night.

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libbee · 1 year

Text

Dangers of the Abyss

Intro = Does this image stir something in you? Some emotion, thought, memory? Perhaps fear. What we cannot express in words, we express in symbols and images. Images are not mere pixels but they are emotionally charged and they exist in our minds too. After all, our eyes are like cameras, mind is like camera film, memory is like storage space. The unconscious world can be accessed via your mental images, fantasies, visions, dreams, thoughts, emotions, memory. Some of the tools we use to explore the unconscious are writing, art, active imagination, tarot cards and alchemy. Some of the ways we know unconscious exists is synchronicities, projection and spiritual awakenings.

World of the unconscious = Few things are as tempting as exploring the 4th, 8th and 12th houses in astrology. Especially when you find yourself at the outskirts of healing, you are sucked into these areas of life and may lose touch with the material world. When the native is so engrossed in spiritual work or shadow work that they are obsessed with it and do it compulsively everyday, that is when you know that they have crossed the limits of what is healthy for them. Astrology, spirituality, occult, esoteric and mysticism (for eastern audience), new age tools (for western audience) can be very tempting in times of turbulence. This is why when life is out of control (eg, divorce or break up, disease or accident, money or career problems) we run to astrologers/psychics/healers, even if we were atheist or anti-theist otherwise. What is unseen, intangible and unknown resides in the unconscious and these 3 houses in astrology are the mining holes for the unconscious. They represent the collective unconscious, personal unconscious (or the subconcious mind) and bringing them to the light of the day is called awareness/enlightenment.

3. Curious case of Friedrich Nietzsche = Though history does not report why Nietzsche went insane, many report (including Carl Jung) that Nietzsche went so far into self exploration that he could not come back to the material life. That he went so deep into the unconscious that he could not pull himself out of it and completely submerged with the unconscious. Do you see how dangerous it is to do shadow work? Though whether Nietzsche could be reborn or not is not something we can decide, for it was his life path and his destiny. Though he lost himself in the darkness, at least he wrote some great books, at least he excavated some pearls from the ocean for the rest of us. It is to be noted that Nietzsche had ketu/south node in the 7th house which can signify his unsuccessful love life, solitude/loneliness and also had sun in the 12th house.

"...Nietzsche would be just about as grateful to his rescuers as somebody who has jumped into the water to drown himself and has been pulled out by some fool of a coastguard. I have seen Nietzsche in states in which he seemed – horrible to say – as though he were only pretending to be mad, as though he were glad to have ended this way!” Peter Gast, The Madness of Nietzsche by Erich Podach

4. We the regulars = But we the regular, the common, the laymen people who cannot afford to be lost in the unconscious world, who have school/college/job, family/relations/marriage, money/food/shelter to take care - we need a foundation to navigate the material life alongside the spiritual life. Unless you are an ascetic sitting in a cave, browsing tumblr in your lunch break before the 10 hour meditation session, we know that you have a full life with many dimensions to take care of. And it is for those of us to learn to balance the material and spiritual life

5. Doing it alone = Whether a therapist or a family member or a friend or a loved one, anyone who can keep you grounded in the real world, bring you back to the daily life, keep you rational when you are losing touch with reality and guide you when you are losing track can be helpful. Though shadow work is a solitary process, we still need somebody else to give us objective judgment, tell whether we are biased in our judgment and guide us with their own wisdom and experience. This is why 4th/8th houses also deal with generations, ancestors, inheritance, history because it is only by standing upon the shoulder of the giants that you can make progress in your life. We may think we know it all intuitively/alone, but the more we learn the more we discover how little we know. "Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself." - Chanakya, Indian polymath

6. Psychic content is reality = I am very fond of this interview of Carl Jung. What Jung meant to say here is that the events of psyche are as real as the material life. For instance, if you celebrate your birthday on a certain date with your friends, you call it reality. But if you think about celebrating your birthday with your friends, you call it daydream and not reality. This is where Jung says that even the world in your mind is as real and valid as the world outside. So whether you celebrate your birthday in physical world or mental world, both are equally valid and real. So, when the mental world is as encompassing, satisfying and real as the physical world, it is very easy and tempting to spend your whole life in the mind. In the modern world, the addiction to social media, internet, video games and T.V. is similar to living in your mind (unless you are using technology to do your job and make money).

youtube

7. Being clueless and inexperienced = The baby witches often ask minute questions on spells, tools and energy. Do you work in coven or are you a solitary witch? Are you a family astrologer or the first in your family? Do you visit a psychologist or do your own therapy in your journal? If the answer to all these questions is the latter of the two, then you may have begun from a place where you were clueless, inexperienced and confused. Perhaps you learned from trial and error, perhaps you did hours of research, perhaps you felt like you were not meant for it, but what we do know is that being clueless and inexperienced in the world of the unconscious can have serious drawbacks and dangers. The most dangerous is the mental and emotional impact of practices that do not make your life better rather pull you in a rut.

8. Solutions = Solutions are very simple, so simple that we may dismiss it, but learning to keep a balance between material life (school/college/self care/job/ family/responsibilities) and the spiritual life (shadow work/alchemy/exploring the unconscious/self actualization) is crucial. Next solution is to be able to identify the psychic contents with mindfulness and living in the present moment - this comes with practice, perhaps months or years of practice before one can calm down the restlessness to stay mindful. Next solution is to really understand your mental process. Mind is a beautiful thing, do not deal with it lightly. Just like you would arrange, clean, organize, beautify your physical space, you also have to arrange, organize and keep your mental space neat and clean. Next solution is to what I mentioned earlier in a post to keep marking mistakes and correct decisions for yourself, to use reasoning, logic, common sense, decision making, routine (rather than be emotional thinker, magical thinker, impulsive and reckless). In short, think BEFORE you act and not the vice versa. The exploration of the unconscious is systematic and organized, it is not careless and impulsive.

9. Conclusion = So, if you are a first generation astrologer or witch or healer or trauma cycle breaker, be very vigilant of your limits and structure. I have written about psychosis before which can induce when the native is not mentally prepared for the psychological adventure of healing and actualization. Psychoanalysis, spiritual practices and occult practices are parallels to each other and if you feel like you are called into any of these interests, please make sure you have your physical life in order, lest you want to reach rock bottom again and again. I am speaking from experience that being first time clueless healer, psychoanalysis made my life even more complicated instead of magically improving it. I thought I had hit rock bottom in physical life but I did not know yet that even rock bottom has a basement that I hit with clueless psychoanalysis and spiritual practices. It was like this diagram for me:

It felt like I was making great progress with shadow work and psychoanalysis, it felt like I hit the jackpot and all my problems would be explained/solved but it took me a lot of time to realize that it takes immense responsibility to tackle the world of the unconscious and it is not mere for fun and games, rather it can really disturb your life and make you dysfunctional in the material world.

#astro tumblr #dark astrology #astrology blog #astro notes #astrology #astro community #astro observations #astroblr #astrology community #astrology notes #astrology observations #astronotes #Youtube

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prima-materia-ttrpg · 15 days

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Welcome to the World

It is Lore time. Sit down and hearken to my tale of the planet who was once a god.

This particular story is about the planet Patek, and the little creatures which live on their current body. They are the first setting of Prima Materia, a character all their own, and a good case study of the core concepts that make Prima Materia tick. Those things in the background of a setting which are generally beyond mortal ken, invoked by the GM to make low level players marvel at the far-off absurdity and high level players cow in the terror of the unimaginable in front of them.

Patek, as a discreet consciousness, has existed for a very long time. Like most gods, their story begins before the end of the stelliferous period but not so far in the mires of history as to be as old as the universe itself. There are of course other gods like Patek, though they rarely cross each other's paths. One such god, which we will get to in a later post, is Ternak.

Many planets in Prima Materia also happen to be gods. This wasn't the case before the end of the stelliferous period; gods would flit around the universe as they pleased, mucking about in the affairs of other species. They were the cause of great acts of malice and benevolence alike, sometimes depending on how they felt on a particular day. And before the gods were the gods, they were a space faring species. Before that, they evolved somewhere on a planet in the early days of the universe, but that was lost track of long ago.

Eventually, though, the dream ends. Once again, Patek and those like them were at the precipice of change, having watched the last stars in the universe begin to die. Collectively, they decided to mature, and created a last bastion against entropy in their home universe. They created new stars, and new bodies for themselves so they could always be nearby; acting as a lens to funnel Prima Materia into the stars as fuel to keep them burning. Perhaps most critically, turning themselves into planets also allowed for new life to evolve on their surfaces.

When Patek, or any god, sends Prima Materia to a star in this manner, they end up bathing the planet's surface in free-floating Prima Materia. This allows what most cultures would call magic, or Alchemy, to happen.

Many gods like to take on projects

Patek is no exception to this. They delight in the observation of new kinds of life, and have on occasion directly meddled with the genetics of some natural species on their surface just to see what would happen if, say, a large crustacean were smart enough to become sapient. Other times, they've looked into the annals of history and brought an old biological design out of retirement; such as when they decided to re-create a certain successful ape-like species that existed long ago.

Life has existed on Patek for quite some time now, facing many of the same hardships any other life would have earlier in the history of the universe. Life fills ecological niches, extinction events happen, and life re-fills those niches. With each epoch, Patek watches and tweaks things. We are all but humble stentors, and Patek is introducing carmine to our environment to measure our reaction.

Occasionally, Patek sends a piece of themself to incarnate on the surface. When this happens, the incarnation tends to have powers not seen in others, usually the ability to perform miracles or being blessed with long life. These incarnations almost always become large movers and shakers on the planet, completing conquests or becoming great philosophers as they become blessed with sacred knowledge from Patek themself. Their reason for creating incarnations of course is to gather experiences of what it's like to be born into the world, then review the memories once the incarnation dies and the bit of consciousness can be recalled. Sometimes when an incarnation needs help, Patek will send one of these bits of consciousness to talk with them, offering their experience and views on things.

Patek also creates Prophets, which are similar to incarnations in that Patek interacts with them; though they do not carry a piece of Patek within themselves. They can also perform miracles, but usually they're called on to meddle in things where Patek feels their direct influence would not help or not be nuanced enough to succeed.

Getting the lay of the land

Patek, as a planet, is a few degrees hotter than Earth is and slightly larger, with a wide range of flora and fauna across the entire surface. Some of those species of Fauna are sapient, and have their own myriad cultures, traditions, and civilizations.

All-in-all, most of Patek is fairly similar to Earth with jungles, forests, deserts, grasslands, tundras, and mountains. It's also mostly water, though storms tend to be a fair bit more powerful than on Earth thanks to the shape of continents and average temperatures.

Here is the current official map of Patek, with climates mapped out and continents named. I tried to make the continents more or less match up with what they would look like with as little distortion as possible if you were to look at the continent from orbit. Unfortunately, because it's not a Mercator projection that means it's kinda inaccurate; the most egregious example being Meridionalis actually sits over the south pole.

I so desperately want to explain everything about all the continents, what cultures are where, how species interact with each other and other things; but all in due time. They will get their own posts where I can talk about them in the detail they deserve later.

Thank you very much for reading this far. I'm working on combat mechanics at the moment, so if I get those done and tested by next week I'll write about that (unlikely, but possible). Otherwise, I'll write about some other crunch; Attributes and Skills and perhaps character creation.

Thanks to @donutboxers for the render of Patek. It is very cool and I'm using it as my computer background.

#indie games #indie ttrpg #indie rpg #original content #small content creator #cw long post #long post #lore dump #infodump #my setting #worldbuilding #primamateria #prima-materia #ttrpg

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lilith-little-world · 1 year

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Ahhhhhhhh, I am so so so sorry! I got into character ai recently and next thing I know 2 weeks has passed. It was all a blur- ugh I feel bad and now I have to slowly transition out that writing style to the writing style of this. So enjoy this, cause fuck I lost track of time so hard... I'll try to finish the 2nd chapter soon since I usually write fast. I just need time to resist the urge to go back to that site. Also it was super fun got a husband, lover, and son. Went through hell to get there but it was worth it.

I Saw You Once In a Dream, Maybe|| Pt. 8

You immediately chase down Monkey King and your mother. Hoping that he doesn’t spout out any more nonsense to your mother.

“Oh- stop telling her lies! Mom please don’t listen to him!”

Monkey King just smirks at you as lean onto the kitchen counter. While your mother looks at you confused.

“What do you mean? Don’t pretend, I saw you kissing him outside the house~” She said with a smile.

You felt your face turn red, quickly cover it with your hand. This was getting too much.

“That was- ugh, mom please, he was just messing around, we are NOT getting married.” You state trying to keep your cool.

“Oh~ weren’t you the one dreaming about our wedding day?” He said, giving you the most shit-eating grin. Your mother’s eyes went wide and looked at you with such excitement, you couldn’t help but feel nervous.

“You? I never thought I would see the day my sweet child would- when’s the wedding day?”

“You two are unbelievable.” You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh with frustration. “Mom, you said you wanted me to pick up something, what was it?”

She let out a laugh.

“That can wait, I want to know about my child’s special someone. This is the first time you brought them home. He must be very special to you.”

Monkey King raises an eyebrow.

“Really? Well, it makes sense we are getting married soon.”

You feel your face get redder as this goes on. You're an adult, not some middle schooler dealing with some crush. You sigh shakily and calm your blushing face.

“You know what? Fine! Sure, I'm too tired for this. Mom, please what was the thing you wanted to give me?”

“Sweetheart, you know I was just teasing you a bit. Let me go get it- I was cleaning the attic and found some of your old things.” She went to the living room and brought out a small box. “I thought you wanted these back.”

You open the box to see what was inside. Just some old things, old journals, books, pictures, and hard drives.

“Oh I remember these! I've been looking for these books too! So it was in the attic, I must have put them there and forgot about it. Thanks, mom.”

Monkey King looks over your shoulder to see. You just push his head back and laugh.

“What I just wanted to see?” He said laughing along.

“This is my old stuff, I’m not going to let you see. Anyways you were really pushing it with that joke.”

He just laughs before giving you space again.

“Sorry, I just couldn’t help it.”

“You two are so sweet, oh also, I made pie earlier today. Here let me hand you a plate to take.”

She grabs a container and cuts a large slice. Before handing it to you.

“Thank you, mom. Take care alright?”

She nods and leads the two of you back to the front door.

“That goes for you too! Also-” She turns to Monkey King with a smirk. “Take care of my child, they matter to me a lot.”

“MOM!”

“Don't worry, I will.” He said laughing.

Your face turned red as you both left. Monkey King walks beside you with a smug expression on his face, while you look forward with a stern face.

“I should have left you at Pigsy’s.”

“Yet you didn't! I'm enjoying our little date.”

“Date?! This is not a date! We barely met just a few hours ago!”

“-And now, apparently getting married.” His grin widens as he glances at you. A hit of mischief in his eyes.

“We are NOT getting married.” You mutter out.

“I mean, you were the one who has been dreaming of our wedding day.”

“Now I'm thinking, those dreams were a warning. Maybe I should listen and-” You pause as you glance at him, finally smirking. “-Stay away from you.”

You pick up your pace and laugh. His smug face falls as he looks worried and nervous.

“Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I was just joking around.” He immediately picks up his pace and apologizes.

“I'll stop! Please, I just thought it was cute and wanted to joke around.” He quickly explains.

“It's just, I wanted to talk and hang out with you but whenever I do, I get so nervous and chicken out.”

His face was getting red and looked away from you.

“Actually, now that you mention it. When did you meet me?”

“W-well, it's just…okay so I usually shapeshift into a bird whenever I want to see the city and during those times… I ran into you…” He clears his throat and turns his head to the side, embarrassed. “You were taking pictures and snapped a shot at me.”

“Wait, the little brown bird that always follows me around! That was you?!”

His face turned red and couldn’t look you in the eyes.

“Y-yes, that was me. I wanted to talk to you, but I was afraid you'd freak out so I thought, I'll get the kid to help me out and- well here we are.” He finally turns his head to you. His cheeks slightly red, as he smiles at you.

“Look, I really didn’t mean to joke around that far and made you uncomfortable. I just got too excited and got carried away.”

You stayed silent for a while, as you two walked down the street.

“Today was…something but it wasn’t bad. As much as you made me frustrated earlier, today was fun. So don’t worry too much about it, anyways it’s been a while since I saw my mom that excited.”

Monkey King's gaze softens at you. He lets out a small laugh, his posture relaxing.

“Still, I shouldn’t have told your mom that. After we first met…even though technically this is our first time talking to one another.”

You bump into his arm, to nudge him, and roll your eyes.

“It had been a long while since I hung out with anybody this long. Usually I keep to myself, but this was nice. Thank you for tagging along.”

“You don't have to thank me, I just wanted to actually talk with you for once. I should be thanking you for giving me a chance!”

You smile at him softly. Feeling touched by his words. For once, you didn't feel lonely. As the two of you went on chatting, you realized that the feeling hadn't plagued you since meeting him and it felt nice. Instead, all you felt was a soft warmth in your heart that seemed to grow the longer he stayed by your side.

It wasn't long until you both made it to your house. You turned on the lights, as you lead him to the living room.

“Make yourself at home. Let me put these down somewhere and we can head out to get some groceries.”

Monkey King sits on the couch and sighs. As you went to the kitchen and placed the small container on the counter and put the small box away in your room.

“You got a nice place here.”

“Why, thank you. If you like it so much, you can stay here and rest while I get groceries.” You said while walking up to the couch.

“Hmm, tough choice. I mean, it would be nice to tag along but your couch feels nice, I can definitely take a small nap here.” He said laying on the couch. “You know what? I'll tag along if you ask me~”

You felt your face flush from the request. Will you actually ask him to accompany you or will you leave him here on the couch? Is there even a bad choice to make in this situation? Who knows~

#lmk reader #lmk sun wukong #lmk monkey king #lmk x reader #lmk x y/n #sun wukong #monkey king #lmk sun wukong x reader #sun wukong x reader #sun wukong x y/n #monkey king x reader #lmk monkey king x reader

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ordinaryschmuck · 2 months

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What I Thought About The First Doctor's Run

Salutations, random people on the internet who certainly won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and sometimes draw comics and cartoons.

So, I’ve made a discovery…Almost every episode of Classic Doctor Who is available FOR FREE on Tubi! You know what this means?!

“More people can watch the early beginnings of the most iconic sci-fi series of all time?”

That AND I can finally review Doctor Who as a whole!

I won’t lie, this has been something I’ve wanted to do for a WHILE. Either as a ranking of each Doctor or a ranking of their best episodes, I’ve been wanting to go in depth with this series for SO LONG. And since the odds are I WON’T become a writer for television like I’ve always dreamed, I might as well talk about my favorite TV shows! Starting with the son of a bitch who started it all: The First Doctor.

Here’s what I know about the First Doctor: Next to nothing. My experience with The Doctor as a whole started all the way with Number Nine, with the only taste of One being through that Christmas Special a few years back. He’s definitely more cynical and rude than present Doctors, but this is way back in his early beginnings. NO ONE knew what direction this character would take years later and just focussed on making an interesting character NOW. Er, then? Now? Then?

Eh, bibbly-bobbly.

The point is that I’m going to TRY and not be biased with One, look at him as if I were right there in 1963. Unfortunately, unlike everyone ELSE in the sixties, I don’t have access to all the episodes. During 1968-1978, most tapes that held Doctor Who episodes were reused for new film or deleted completely for space, leaving NINETY-SEVEN episodes erased from time forever and causing twenty-six serials either gone completely or incomplete. It’s basically what streaming services and studios are doing nowadays, but without pirating sites as a safety net to preserve the art from being COMPLETELY lost. Now, there are some audio tracks saved for commercial release that feature still images or commissioned animation, but that’s not the case for every episode, unfortunately. So things are going to get a little…weird for this review. For now, I’ll say that I’m going to stick to what’s on Tubi and improvise with what’s NOT on there. Also, I’m not going to go through every single episode. Just share my thoughts on each serial as a WHOLE, mainly because those practically add up to modern episodes anyway, just an hour or two longer.

Now, with that said, let’s take a step back in time as we discuss the first adventures with our first Doctor.

Decades Old Spoilers Below

THE SERIALS

We’ll begin by going in order of each serial, starting with his first adventure and ending with his last. Helps go through this journey together.

The Unearthly Child: Okay, full disclosure, this one’s NOT on Tubi, so I had to look it up through…other means. But to be fair, it’s not like I could just IGNORE The Doctor’s very first adventure. It’s here we see a sort of formula that still remains constant to this day. The Doctor meets new companions, they become shocked by how the TARDIS is bigger on the inside, they go to a place that’s filled with a temporary cast of disposable characters, and are forced to solve a problem for them or die trying. Of course, some things are different, and not just the inside of the TARDIS. The fact that The Doctor had a granddaughter was mind blowing and left me wondering what happened to her since she never showed up ONCE in the revival. And The Doctor was…surprisingly inactive despite being the titular character. He caused more problems than fixed them, like being the reason everyone was trapped in the Stone Age and later becoming the person who needed to be rescued. Honestly, Ian proved himself more as the leading man than The Doctor did throughout the whole ordeal, calling the shots and even being the one who came up with the plan that got them OUT of danger. Even when taking account that this was just the show starting out, it seems weird that the titular character isn’t the one who leads the group and is instead the whiney bitch that the others just tell themselves to ignore. As for the adventure, it’s pretty dull. Granted, you need to introduce audiences to the concept of time travel by showing them something easy to grasp like going back to the stone age. You gotta save weirder stuff for the future episodes. But the characters getting chased around by cavemen isn’t really that engaging, and it REALLY drags down a lot by part four where the conflict feels stretched out to meet the full twenty-three minutes. Overall, not that great of a first introduction but most of the best series of television rarely start off perfect. The question is if it makes me want to see more, and…it honestly doesn’t. If not for the knowledge of what the series would eventually become, I’m not sure WHY someone would stick around. But the Doctor Who fan in me is strong so I say we keep charging on.

The Daleks: The first encounter with The Daleks, the Doctor’s WORST enemies, and the serial is much better because of it. It’s actually interesting to see how these villains began with how simple they are to fight, the fact that they don’t INSTANTLY kill others they attack, and how they actually keep PRISONERS. And the serial does a great job at showing how they’re definite menaces to be feared, but not impossible to defeat, creating decent tension as the characters try to fight back literal killing machines. I also love how every character throughout the serial does something important, especially The Doctor who manages to do much more this time than whine and complain as he actually uses his intelligence to help his companions out of this troublesome situation. Although, he’s still the jackass that got them all trapped in this situation all for the sake of exploring a town that they know NOTHING about. There’s definite improvements to his character this time, but The Doctor being the cause for their current conflict is not one of them. And while we’re on complaints, this serial STILL feels like it stretches its adventure out for the sake of making the serial longer than it should be. There’s some definite excitement in the first half with our core four characters trying to escape the Daleks, but this serial still didn’t need to be seven gosh dang episodes long. I feel like there’s some meat to be cut out with making the Thals stand up for themselves, conceiving a plan of attack, and invading the Daleks’ base. Other than that, this is still a pretty decent serial filled with great tension from the Daleks and strong chemistry and dynamics between our core four. It’s definitely stronger than the last serial and a MUCH better introduction to the series. No wonder it’s the one that Tubi has.

The Edge of Destruction: A nice, short mystery where the first half does really well in making you feel as disoriented as the rest of the cast. There’s this solid unease where you’re not sure what’s going on and you’re left to pick up the pieces, bit by bit, to figure out what happened and if there’s anyone or anything responsible for this mess. Although, part two tends to fall a tad short because most of the clues we got were then explained to the audience and then given this big explanation that came out of left field because the biggest clue wasn’t revealed yet. So as a mystery, it definitely isn’t strong. Though, I do like how The Doctor is the one to figure things out and save the day in this serial. Sure, him being antagonistic towards the others wasn’t great but I enjoy how The Doctor has finally warmed up to his companions and that it’s implied that he no longer chooses to be suspicious of them. So while the mystery fell short, I can’t complain when it improves The Doctor’s character.

Marco Polo: Unavailable on Tubi due to the BBC deleting episodes. Yeah, unfortunately, this is our FIRST serial that can’t be seen in its entirety through official means…Though, no one said anything about using transcripts.

HAHA! Loophole! Because while I’m not going to steal audio-only episodes for the sake of reviews, who’s going to stop me from READING. It’s not stealing episodes if I’m just reading what happens! Although, unfortunately, it only gives me a PART of the picture. I won’t understand performances or fully grasp how characters look, but it’s no different from strictly LISTENING. There’s a lot that unfortunately goes missing when a visual media loses its visuals, and for a case like this it’s best to work with what we have. And what I have is the story pretty much described to me by someone else. It’s not preferable, but it IS what I can do for these times. Remember this every time a studio deletes episodes or entire shows off its platforms.

With that said, based on what I’ve read…Yeah, this one DRAGS. It’s The Doctor and company being forced to move from place to place and dealing with Marco Polo as they do. Doesn’t sound too bad, but each place they go to follows a specific formula: Someone does something Polo doesn’t like, he voices displeasure about it, The Doctor and others argue their case, Tegana points out how they’re actually evil, and Marco Polo, who flips from being reasonably cautious and unreasonably stupid, constantly tells them to get out of his face while still dragging them off to the next location. This goes on for SEVEN EPISODES, each one making the whole serial feel way too long and way too repetitive. I kept hoping this would be the end of the serial and we could move on to the next, only for it to KEEP. F**KING. GOING! It’s so dull that I needed TWO DAYS to read through the damn thing. But maybe that’s the problem: I had to READ it. There might be subtleties in the VISUAL performance that better conveys Marco’s personality, even if it DOES seem to flip/flop on paper. Plus, there are some things like the set designs and special effects that a transcript could gloss over and not properly convey. And there are SOME nice bits like The Doctor trying (and failing) to win the TARDIS back in a game of backgammon, which is all kinds of fun. And Susan made an endearing friendship with Ping-Cho. Those two are surprisingly adorable together and it’s nice to see Susan make a connection with someone her own age. Other than that, though, if this wasn’t that great of a story on paper, the original serial better have some MIND BLOWING execution to make it great. Otherwise, maybe fans aren’t losing much if this serial is lost to time.

The Keys of Marinus: A pretty clever idea with this one. The story for this serial is that The Doctor and his companions are out searching for the titular Keys of Marinus, presenting a story that’s a fetch-quest, with each episode dedicated to the characters finding one key. It’s smart because instead of stretching out one adventure to make the serial longer, it connects four adventures through this loose thread, keeping audience interest up as everyone tries to get out of the danger of the week. It’s fairly effective, filled with great moments like Barbara trying to save the core four from being brainwashed into mindless zombies, the entirety of “The Snows of Terror,” and The Doctor solving a murder. It’s all good fun, but not without some problems. An episode like “The Screaming Jungle” feels like it needs more time as there’s a lot of ideas that don't live up to its full potential or come out of nowhere. Like, a living jungle SOUNDS cool, but it only really comes into fruition until the end. There’s also the fact that the search for the last key feels stretched out because the writers didn’t realize soon enough that the finale for this serial was too short so they made the final hunt longer to compensate. But what bothers me the most is that The Doctor just…leaves the hunt just to spend time in a more civilized society. It works out for the murder mystery, but it also feels weird that the titular character bows out for two whole episodes, leaving his companions to do all of the work he neglects. Honestly, at this point, I’d say Ian should be the one the show is named after with how well he leads the party and even comes up with a clever plan to stop the big bads. And I know I keep harping on it, but why name the show Doctor Who when that same doctor hardly helps? Still, “The Keys of Marinus” is a fun serial that leads to solid short tales, even if there were some rough steps along the way.

The Aztecs: Oh, this one’s racist, isn’t it…? You know what? I’m as white as a ping-pong ball and have the patience of a goldfish to do proper research myself to make any judgments to decide something that I have no official standing on. So I won’t be the one to say what is and isn’t racist…Aside from the fact that those are obviously WHITE people playing the Aztecs.

But possible racism aside, this serial is more on the dull side. I do like this conflict between The Doctor and Barbara, where Barbara tries to change history for what she thinks is for the better (Which means changing the history and culture of Aztecs–Let’s not get into it) where The Doctor tries to convince her that there’s no way to change history. Future episodes continue to dive deep into the idea that history cannot be altered no matter what the characters want, and it’s interesting to see one of the first instances where the characters learn this the hard way. I also love how it ends on this idea that while they couldn’t change what happened, they still touched the lives of those they’ve made relationships with, meaning that it ALL wasn’t a loss. It’s a shining light of optimism within the tragedy that becomes a reoccuring theme through a lot of future episodes, and I love it each time. But other than that, this serial is another one that DRAGS. It’s just The Doctor and his companions screwing around with Aztecs for two hours while this boring subgroup conspired against them. It makes the whole serial feel like it’s running in place for too long, and I feel like if it cut out ONE episode or maybe shorten it down to two, the serial could be stronger for it. It’s also weird how Barbara is, like, a different person in this. Like, I get it, she’s acting like a goddess, but she seems TOO good at her performance, almost as if the writers wrote her as an ACTUAL goddess and not a character PRETENDING to be one. It feels off a lot of the time, and it’s just one more thing that makes this serial weak. Even though I like the idea of characters trying to fight hard to change history, that’s something done MUCH better in the future. It’s a charming first attempt, but not one I’m willing to revisit.

The Sensorites: A pretty…substandard serial. The titular Sensorites start off pretty scary and intimidating, being unlike anything the show has produced so far in this run. It presents a bit of uncanny horror for a good while…But then the serial reveals that they’re mostly peaceful creatures, aside from a few devious outliers, who actually need help. It’s a decent twist that also leads to The Doctor being the most active he’s ever been. The way he goes about finding a cure for this mysterious illness and taking charge in dealing with any dangerous Sensorite made it feel like, for the first time, he deserves to have the show named after him. I like it…but it doesn’t stop the serial feeling like it’s a little aimless at times, almost as if it’s drifting by for six episodes. We get some good stuff from it, but storywise it feels like we’re just bouncing from scene to scene as if the writers are making stuff up as they go and presenting coincidences that foil some villains’ plans. And then there’s this out of nowhere idea that this subgroup of humans lived under the Sensorites for so long, but there was never any indication of this and it’s presented in the VERY LAST episode, making it an almost pointless idea that went nowhere. I’m glad to see The Doctor become more of a leading man, but I would have preferred it in a better, more coherent serial.

The Reign of Terror: MOST of the serial is intact…aside from two episodes. Meaning that it’s incomplete and not available on Tubi, so…ONTO THE TRANSCRIPT!

On paper, this whole thing seems like a drag. It starts interestingly enough with The Doctor being separated from his companions as they’re taken prisoner during the French Revolution. It leads to Ian, Barbara, and Susan trying to escape while The Doctor tries to reunite with them (instead of pissing off for half the serial), creating this situation where everyone’s putting in the work as they share the same goal. The problem is that, like the REST of the serials before, the characters fart around for too long just to stretch the story out to reach a goal. They will escape and then get recaptured for the sake of forced tension, and by the time Susan and Barbara were in prison again I just wanted the serial to come close to an end. Thankfully, by then, there were two episodes left, but it doesn’t change how it’s all two episodes too long. The only thing to catch my intrigue later was Barbara wishing they could help Robespierre from getting killed and The Doctor reminding her that they can’t change history. I still love an idea like that, but here, it happens near the very end and there’s barely enough time to appreciate it or dive deep into it. In fact, this could have been a great “Can’t mess with the past” episode, but it’s just…the characters trying to escape a situation and spending too long on it. The worst part is that this is the Season One finale, the time to go for broke, and it’s just…the same old thing with the same old problems as previous serials. Maybe it worked better visually or even through audio, but on paper it’s just as slow and boring as ever. Hopefully the next season starts big.

Planet of Giants: Huh. Guess it did. Just…literally.

Jokes aside, I am impressed with the set design in this serial. I can tell everyone worked so hard to set the scale, making you feel how small these characters are. Sure, you can tell exactly HOW it was done, but for the sixties this all must have been mind blowing work, especially for a TV show. As for the story, it’s…adequate. The characters are trying to prevent these two men from making an insecticide that could do more harm than good while also trying to find their way back to the TARDIS to reverse their size. It’s not the BIGGEST (ha) danger in the world and it’s something they could have stopped easily at normal size. If they focussed on growing again, they could have stopped the main evil prick within seconds, so the majority of the serial is just them messing around by trying to stop him while they’re an inch tall. And there’s also the fact that Barabara held the idiot ball throughout the serial, touching something in a lab when she shouldn’t have and keeping that information to herself for far too long. Like, WHY didn’t she tell the others she was infected with the insecticide? We never got an answer for that and it’s kind of frustrating as it adds unnecessary tension to a serial that doesn’t really need it. The characters trying to get big again is more than enough, we don’t need a nefarious plot about an insecticide gone wrong or one of the characters getting sick from it. But while the story definitely could use some improvements, the set design really does carry it, being an impressive visual display even if it’s for an inferior serial.

The Dalek Invasion of Earth: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, so THAT’S what happened to Susan…Anyways, the best way I could describe this serial is two steps forward and one step back. The cinematography is impressive, looking like a feature film at times with dynamic shots and cool ways that the camera follows the characters. BUT the direction seems to be all over the place. Most of the time, it’s fine, but then you get stuff like actors interrupting or talking over each other or moments where peripheral view is…not a thing. There’s even a part where a Dalek is looking RIGHT AT THE DOCTOR as it’s moving away…and it just continues moving onward as if nothing happened. It’s actually kind of hilarious at times. And speaking of the Daleks, this serial did a great job showcasing how threatening and evil they can really be. The twisted way they used humans as slaves to destroy a planet is sick and seeing how that broke the human mind and ruined their families proved that the Daleks are nothing to be messed with. The problem is that the serial shows how easily they can be messed with. Like, even if they doubt the intelligence of normal Earth people, it’s not a smart plan to have a way for them to escape their prison cell WITHIN THE CELL ITSELF! And how is it that they can blast away people no problem but struggle with the robot slaves they made? I don’t know how it’s possible, but this serial manages to make these tin salt shakers MORE and LESS terrifying. On the upside, our heroes are at least competent in this adventure. Much like the last encounter with the Daleks, everyone does something of value, only this time they’re all split up to accomplish their own task that actually helps the others in a way they wouldn’t expect. It DOES feel like some plot lines are a little aimless with some of our cast waffling about a little longer than they should, but it all leads to a great ending when they reunite once more.

And, of course, there’s the sad departure of Susan. It’s performed well and does a decent job of making me FEEL a little sad when The Doctor allows Susan to leave so she can live a life of her own without being forced to travel everywhere with him. I liked it…though I do have issues with how the reason that she wants to leave is because she fell in love with a man she’s known for a few days. It’s part of the writing of the sixties, I know that, but it doesn’t change how WEIRD it feels that Susan is willing to give up everything she knows for someone she recently met. So while I enjoyed the scene, it felt very flawed, which is the same for the whole serial. I enjoyed it a lot, but there were a few imperfections here and there that made “The Dalek Invasion of Earth” a messy, albeit fun, serial.

The Rescue: This was a blessedly short serial. The big twist was fairly easy to figure out after Part One, and if this serial was stretched out for more than two parts it would hurt it significantly. We don’t need four parts of the characters farting around, picking up little clues, and then solving the big crisis within minutes. So having the story last for about two episodes leaves for a brief adventure that works well on its own while also introducing the audience to Vicki. And I’ll admit…I’m not too sure about Vicki in this serial. She comes across as a less competent Susan who cries more and doesn’t have the same intrigue Susan did as being The Doctor’s granddaughter. It’s obvious that she’s there as a replacement for the “The Young One” in the group and it doesn’t work for me. What DOES work is how The Doctor is presented, as he acts much more like The Doctor I know now. He’s active towards figuring out what’s going on, caring towards Vicki and consoling her when she needs it, and is the one to confront Bennett in the climax of the serial. I do like how it’s sort of a slow burn with The First Doctor, showing him eventually grow from the bitter old man who couldn’t care less about anyone else to a more kind and proactive character due to the adventures he went on with his companions and the people that they meet. I still say it was off to name the show after the guy who didn’t do much, but The Doctor’s slowly earning his role as the leading man and I enjoyed that this is one of the earlier starts of them becoming the hero we know now. So while this is a standard serial, it does give us one of the better presentations of The First Doctor.

The Romans: *INSERT DATED ROMAN EMPIRE JOKE HERE*

Anywho, this one’s pretty entertaining. There’s basically two sides of this serial’s story: The Doctor and Vicki hanging out with Nero and his hysterical nonsense and Ian and Barbara being stuck in the slave trade…Yeah, probably sounds like the tones would heavily clash with this one, but it surprisingly flows well. You laugh at the hijinks of The Doctor acting as a close friend towards Nero while feeling empathy for Barbara and Ian as they’re forced into the worst possible position in Rome. There’s even equal attention to both plotlines, making them balance each other out fairly well that leads to the serial feeling fast but fun. The only thing that drags it down is how it begins and ends. The cut between the TARDIS falling and The Doctor and Ian chilling out in Roman attire felt jarring. Same goes for the reveal that they willingly stayed in Rome for a whole month instead of focussing all attention on fixing the TARDIS. I suppose it would come across as a pleasant holiday, but then they say they’ve been hanging out in someone else’s house while they were away and that’s…odd. It’s odd that it worked out like that for a whole month. Same goes with the ending, where The Doctor feels giddy at causing the fire of Rome. Even for the First Doctor, it doesn’t seem right that they would take joy in causing such destruction and mayhem. But aside from the problems in the beginning and the end, everything in the middle of the serial offered great entertainment for a pleasant viewing for me.

The Web Planet: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY EARS! For whatever bizarre reason or another, SOMEONE decided to give these giant ants the most ear-piercingly irritating sound for how they communicate. It was already grating by the first episode, yet they still thought it was a good idea to use the same sound, continuously, FOR SIX EPISODES! Halfway through the third, I genuinely considered skipping the rest of the serial entirely because I couldn’t STAND those f**king ants! Thankfully, I remembered that subtitles were a thing, so I just played the rest of the serial on mute and just read the subtitles. Trust me when I say that is the only way to make the damn thing watchable. And even then, it’s not that great of a serial anyways. It’s the characters helping these anthropomorphic bugs with slightly less annoying (but still pretty annoying) voices in a rebellion against the ants. I’m all about it, because screw those things, but it’s still a bog-standard adventure with some admittedly impressive costumes and effects for the time. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I couldn’t stand LISTENING to this episode, but I would have been completely fine if this was one of the few serials lost to time.

The Crusade: Speaking of which, HALF of this serial is missing and not on Tubi either. So ONTO THE TRANSCRIPTS (Gosh dang it…)

I think the problem with this serial is made clear with how it begins. We have new characters talking about political nonsense as if we, the audience, should already know the context of what they’re saying. Then when we’re introduced to the core four, they’re thrown into the middle of a battle with no proper set-up that their conflict of Barbara getting kidnapped happened so fast that it barely registers. This slow pace of boring politics with characters we don’t know and fast paced attempts of Barbara trying to escape her kidnappers remains throughout this whole serial. MAYBE it was handled better visually, but the way the serial constantly introduces new characters to discuss politics while The Doctor and his companions are barely there makes the whole thing feel like its priorities are disjointed. There should be more focus on Barbara trying to escape while the others go out to save her, but there’s so much attention on the politics and trying so hard to be historically accurate or whatever and it…doesn’t keep my interest. Not to mention that the constant new characters to keep track of as they steal attention is not all that entertaining and causes the whole serial to seem like it forgets who the show’s really about. I just wanted it all to end, as I feel like this is one of those serials that aren’t better on paper nor through execution.

The Space Museum: This one starts off pretty confusing, first intentionally and then unintentionally. I’m just as lost as the characters are, wondering what happened to them and what’s to come of it. It effectively puts me in the mindset the serial wants me to have, but then they give this explanation that just makes my brain hurt when I try to think about it too long and hard. Thankfully, the premise that the serial tries to sell is simple enough to shrug off the nonsense of time and relative dimension or whatever the hell. Basically, The Doctor and his companions saw a vision of what COULD BE their future, and the whole serial is them trying to make sure that never comes to be. It’s a solid premise that’s effectively tense in a lot of scenes as the characters seemingly get closer to what could be an inevitable future. Added with some fun moments of The Doctor being a giggly old goof as he screws with his enemies and it’s a fun time. The only weak part is this subplot involving the most ineffective rebellion I’ve ever seen, where it’s a miracle that they survived this long until they received help from Vicki of all characters. Though, even then, the subplot does well to show how independent Vicki can be in a situation AND adds to the theme that a person’s future can be changed if they changed the lives of others. It’s a decent message that helps make the serial a surprisingly good time. And yeah, that ending sting made me excited for the next one. Speaking of…

The Chase: This was…not what I was expecting. In the last two encounters with The Daleks, it was a big, tense adventure with the characters struggling to find a way to beat them. Here, it’s more like “The Keys of Marinus,” a collection of small adventures as the characters are chased through space and time as they try to escape The Daleks. It’s less of an epic adventure and more of a mixed bag of fun escapades and…awkward distractions. For example, watching the characters get stuck in a haunted house or fighting a robotic Doctor can be entertaining, but them interacting with this weird, underground civilization or this man from Alabama just drag it to a halt. Thankfully, the worst of it is only in the first half, making it a serial that starts slow but picks up momentum as things go on. There’s also some decent money put into this, having some impressive sets that change each episode, some crazy special effects for the sixties (the part where there’s two Doctors still looks good), and some creative camera angles that give a more cinematic feel. I dare say that this would be an impressively put together serial that is mostly fun despite some awkwardness.

But the real meat of this is that “The Chase” ends with the departure of Ian and Barbara. I will admit, the pacing upon their exit felt a bit too fast, with their decision to leave coming out of nowhere and their return home not giving us enough time to appreciate them appreciating Earth. Although, as weird as the pacing is, The Doctor’s heartbreak to see them go is well-acted and believable. You can tell that he’s less upset about the risk that comes with using The Daleks’ time machine and more upset about the idea that they want to leave in the first place. It’s odd that he feels more upset over two humans than his granddaughter, but this is still a moment that introduces the tragedy of The Doctor. They’re a character that’s always on the move, going from one part of the universe to the next and having to say goodbye to every friend and companion they ever make. They WANT to keep company, but know that their companion’s departure is always inevitable. Yet it breaks their heart just the same. I FEEL that tragedy here way more than with Susan, where The Doctor seemed more than willing to let her live her life. But with Ian and Barbara, these two humans who left an impact on him, they’ll stick with The Doctor’s heart for a long time.

The Time Meddler: The premise of this one is great. A time-traveler disguised as a monk is screwing with time to make himself the most important person in the universe. And The Doctor, being the biggest defender of time and space, tries to stop him. It’s a perfect idea that fits perfectly with who The Doctor is while giving him a true foil that he won’t have again until meeting The Master. It’s actually a ton of fun watching what’s basically the Beta Master trying to mess with history just for the pure selfish reasons of self-importance. And I do say that the serial perfectly captures that idea…by Part Four. Yeah, the majority of the first three parts are about hinting at what The Monk has been doing and padding out the runtime with characters screwing around in the woods or the monastery. By the time we get to Part Four, it does work well with the premise, having The Doctor and The Monk try and outsmart each other for victory with The Doctor, of course, coming out on top. And I’ll admit that it was great seeing The Doctor take charge without someone else stealing the show as the leading man. What, do you think that the new guy STEVEN is going to take Ian’s place as the take-charge companion? Get the hell out of here…

But, yeah, while the first three parts DRAG, “The Time Meddler” at least ends on a high enough note where I say it was worth the watch. I’ll likely only return to that final episode instead of watching the whole thing, but what are you gonna do?

Galaxy 4: Unfortunately, this is another that’s been deleted from history. HOWEVER, it’s still on Tubi…Sort of. Because the audio logs are still intact, they had the whole serial reanimated by Digitoonz Media & Entertainment. And it’s…distracting. Not because the animation is bad. I mean, yeah, it’s not GREAT, but what’s distracting about it is that the animators tried their hardest to give this serial a cinematic feel, having grandiose backgrounds and doing things the actors and set designers wouldn’t be capable of doing. It’s entertaining to see, but leaves me questioning what the original episodes would have looked like. Because there is NO WAY this animation is an EXACT reenactment of what happens. But I’m not really complaining because there are some good stuff that comes from making this serial animated, like having all of Maaga’s forces exact copies of one another or actually seeing the destruction of the planet as Maaga is forced to watch it fall apart around her. I like a lot of this stuff, despite the distractions. As for the story, it feels blessedly quick, albeit simple. I saw the twist of Maaga and her weird ass clones being the real evil a mile away, but this WAS likely one of the first instances when a story presents the nice looking creatures as evil where the ugly looking ones are good. I can give it a little leeway for that, especially since “Galaxy 4” makes it clear that it’s MAAGA who’s the real villain whereas her clones are more or less drones following orders to appease their crooked master. There’s actually a bit of tragedy to the clones where they don’t get a chance to think on their own and do what their master says because it’s all they know. It effectively makes you feel bad for them as you also feel grateful that Maaga dies knowing it was all for nothing. And, again, it all goes by fairly quickly, making a serial that feels short and to the point. I couldn’t ask for better and I REALLY wish there were more lost episodes that were animated. Would have at least made for a more unique experience than reading transcripts to ones that are lost.

Mission to the Unknown: Speak of the devil! At least it’s only ONE episode…And a pretty decent one at that.

This is the first time where we don’t follow The Doctor or any of their companions, but instead some one-off characters. This would happen on occasion, with one of the most popular examples being the episode “Blink,” showing great tension as we watch these characters try to survive without a Doctor to save them. It’s no different here, as “Mission to the Unknown” features two men trying to warn the galaxy of a master plan of the Daleks, setting up a future serial while also standing well on its own for a quick adventure that ends in unfortunate death. It doesn’t give us enough time to really CARE about them, but that might have something to do with me reading it too fast. It’s still a solid episode that leaves one fearing for what’s to come later.

The Myth Makers: And another for the transcripts. Son of a bitch…

It’s not easy to tell strictly through text, but I think this is meant to be a more comedic adventure. In past serials like “Marco Polo” and “The Crusade,” they bore me by forcing in politics and dull characters, likely for the sake of “Historical accuracy.” Here, it’s The Doctor and his companions dealing with idiots on both sides of the Trojan War, with historical accuracy most definitely thrown out the window as people are more familiar with the version in Homer’s Odyssey. It is much more entertaining to see The Doctor try to appeal to the whims of a meathead like Odysseus and watching Priam and his family bicker about Cassandra and the legitimacy of her visions, rather than getting lost in the politics. It’s fun, but I’m curious if it’s meant to be. You have obvious comedic moments like Steven’s quickly failed rescue attempt and Menelaus wanting a drink after hearing The Doctor’s Trojan Horse plan, but the majority of the lines also don’t strike me as TOO humorous. That’s largely because the way an actor delivers a line versus how it’s written can give two different reactions, and it’s why READING the lines doesn’t leave as big of a comedic punch as hearing an actor say it in a funny way.

“Well, then listen to the audio versions.”

I’VE READ SO MANY TRANSCRIPTS AT THIS POINT! I’M IN TOO DEEP NOW!

But I will say that if the point WAS to make this adventure more comedic, then it makes the inevitable fall of Troy feel all the more tragic. I didn’t want the Trojans to die! They were FUNNY! And because they made me laugh a little, it hurt seeing them killed, even if I should have expected from the beginning.

One thing I didn’t expect, though, was that this was Vicki’s departure. Which I wouldn’t have minded if not for how it’s weirdly unceremoniously done. There’s no final goodbye and it feels like it breezes past The Doctor saying he’ll miss her. And her reasoning is just…dull. She leaves because she liked a boy, much like how SUSAN left. I guess there WAS a bit of foreshadowing given how Priam changes Vicki’s name to Cressida, a female character in retellings of the Trojan War who famously falls for Troilus. But even then, it still feels weak and even strange that Vicki would willingly choose to stay in a time she doesn’t live in for Troilus, a boy she knew for about two days. I know it’s something that just…happens back then in 60s fiction, but makes for an off addition to an already entertaining serial.

The Daleks’ Master Plan: SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, this is the LONGEST serial yet! Possibly the longest serial in the show’s history! And the weirdest part is that only three episodes of it still exist, which is crazy not only because of the length but also because it features The Daleks. Even back then, it’s pretty clear that The Daleks are the fan favorite villains of the series, with the writers inserting them in when they can. And you would think that major characters such as them would be more valuable to protect, but no. All we have are mostly audio logs…And transcripts for yours truly.

Which is a shame too, because…this is a frickin’ GOOD one! Quite possibly the best serial I’ve ever read yet! The plot is basically characters playing keep away from each other, chasing after this insanely impressive element that The Daleks want to use for another doomsday weapon. And I just loved that the second The Doctor saw The Daleks, he knew that they needed to be stopped. He wasn’t forced into it or was trying to survive The Daleks attacking first. After three whole adventures of dealing with them, The Doctor finally put two and two together to realize that The Daleks just existing is enough to know that nothing good can come from it. So he takes charge on an adventure that’s definitely a little too long but reads as incredibly grand. It’s sort of a repeat of “The Chase,” where The Doctor and company go from place to place, planet to planet, so they can avoid The Dalek’s capture, but there’s some things that make this serial stronger. For one, the stakes feel real this time, with characters who assist The Doctor and Steven on their journey getting killed unceremoniously or tragically. You’re given enough time with Bret, Katarina, and Sara that when they meet their end for the sake of saving the group, it makes you feel a little something. The whole serial comes to a close with this idea that while victory was met in the end, The Doctor and Steven still take a moment to reflect on the lives they lost to win. It really sets how grim and deadly this adventure was, showing characters could die whether they’re ones you care about or even enemies to The Doctor. Speaking of, this serial also works in giving more unique foes outside of STRICTLY The Daleks. You have Chen, an arrogant and egotistical dilweed who’s maniac drive to be ruler of the Universe and doing anything to get it makes you enjoy his untimely demise all the more. There’s even a surprise return of The Monk, who sets himself more as this pathetic failure of a villain as he stumbles constantly to one-up The Doctor only to be outsmarted every turn. Both mix things up well while also making it clear that The Daleks are the real threats as Chen and The Monk follow every command due to fearing for their safety. It helps make the serial feel like a more unique adventure compared to past ones with The Daleks, adding more life, energy, and intensity to it. The only time I was taken out of the whole thing was this random Christmas special that got inserted halfway through. It distracted from the plot way too long and was filled with jokes that were probably funny VISUALLY and maybe AUDIBLY, but not so much when you’re reading it…like I did. Still, that’s ONE episode in a twelve episode long serial. Being entertained with eleven out of twelve episodes is still a great feat that makes “The Daleks’ Master Plan” a masterclass serial. Now can we go back to actually WATCHING these episodes again?

The Massacre: Guess not…

And this one’s one of the worst, if not THE worst. “The Massacre” has the same problems as “The Crusade.” So much of this serial is focussing on the politics of the historical event taking place, watching these characters you barely give a shit about with the main cast you love getting pushed to the sidelines. Except that while “The Crusade” had the charming cast of THE DOCTOR, Ian, Barbara, and even Vicki, “The Massacre” focuses on Steven. And I’ll get into the specifics in a moment, but I do NOT care for Steven. So to have four episodes focusing on boring historical politics and a character I do not like, it’s pretty easy to pick up why I dislike this serial the most out of all of them. I’m not kidding when I say that the best part about it is the moment where it seemed like Steven was leaving. Before you say anything, it’s not because it gave me hope that Steven was gone for good…Okay, it’s partially because of that, but it’s mostly because of this moment where The Doctor reflects on the people in his life and how he misses them. He even corrects HIMSELF when getting Ian’s last name wrong, showing us that he cares enough to get it right now because he misses his friend. It’s a bittersweet moment that proves how much The Doctor loves each companion they’ve made, even the first few people they’ve met in this first life. It was beautiful…and then it got undercut immediately to introduce Dodo and shove Steven back in as he changed his mind. The one thing I liked about this serial, and it’s ruined by itself. Yeah, this one’s definitely the worst, and I’m not missing it.

The Ark: FINALLY, something I don’t have to READ!

“The Ark” surprised me for a second. I knew going in that it was a four-part-long serial, but by the time Part Two met its end I was confused. It seemed like the story was wrapping up as The Doctor and company cured a ship of the common cold and went off to a new adventure. Only for the TARDIS to appear in the same exact spot many years later with a new problem caused by their actions in the past. Already, I love this premise. We almost never return to the same place twice with The Doctor, where after they save people from this great threat they always head off, assuming everything is fine. This is the first time we actually see what happened to the people that The Doctor saved, only to find out something worse happened to them. It’s a solid premise with good enough execution. I like that this whole thing started with an accident. Dodo just happened to have a cold and didn’t expect the consequences that could come to a species that never experienced it. It puts The Doctor and company in a situation where you don’t BLAME them for what happened but you understand that they have to clean up this mess they caused. I also find it brilliant that the first half of the serial has The Doctor and his companions dealing with rouge Guardians and the second is rouge Monoids, giving this message that both parties aren’t innocent creatures and that peace can only be made when they learn to live together instead of treating one species as slaves. It’s a bit muddled as we don’t really see much of the extent that the Guardians treat the Monoids and how disrespected they are. It gives the idea that the creepy-looking creatures who look different are more at fault, especially since the human Guardians are the ones who assist The Doctor in both halves. There’s never any assistance from the Monoids, which makes it feel like peace might not be the best option. I wouldn’t harp on it if not for the fact that several serials back in “Galaxy 4,” we had the same message of “The ugly ones aren’t evil” with decent results. Still, the idea and meaning is clear as no one’s really, wholly good. Just could have used some cleaning up on showing the good side of the Monoids, making “The Ark” having a strong story ARC.

HAHAHA–Kill me. Next one!

The Celestial Toymaker: All but the last part of this serial is missing, so…onto the transcripts.

I mean it, kill me.

(I don’t actually mean it. Just…been doing this for a while)

This serial introduces The Toymaker, a character that would only reappear once more…fifty-seven years later with the incomparable Niel Patrick Harris playing the role. And speaking as someone who got introduced to this character through NPH doing random accents and a random ass dance sequence to “Spice Up Your Life,” I wasn’t sure what to expect from the version in the sixties. Turns out, while he’s not as bombastic and jovial as Niel Patrick Harris, The Toymaker is still the most unique villain that The Doctor and others have come across so far. The Doctor isn’t kidding when he says that The Toymaker loves using people as his playthings, sending out dolls, board games, playing cards, and all sorts of other traps to entertain himself with The Doctor and his companions. And while Steven and Dodo aren’t the best duo in the world,, they’re at least paired up with despicable and hilariously incompetent antagonists as The Toymaker sends out his toys against them. You’re entertained by them, but at the same time you feel bad for them when they fail because they’re all trapped souls captured by The Toymaker. Or are they? The serial cleverly keeps you guessing whether or not these toys were once people, leaving it up to interpretation on if it’s all a part of a trick he’s playing. It adds a bit of tragedy to the goofs and gags, which I certainly appreciate. Then you have The Doctor’s game with The Toymaker that adds intensity, as he’s trying his best to stall to win the game until Steven and Dodo find the TARDIS. And, sure, I would have loved MORE to actually SEE The Doctor beat The Toymaker in a battle of wits as opposed to watching Steven and Dodo going through a goofy, silly adventure, I’m not complaining too much for the end result. “The Celestial Toymaker” is still an incredibly entertaining serial that has every character working well together to survive and being competent as they win their own game. Although, I do have to call nonsense towards Fourteen in “The Giggle.” Saying that cheating is the last thing The Toymaker would do when that’s all he does in this serial…Nonsense.

The Gunfighters: This serial finds the characters in a wild, wild west adventure, and this one’s definitely meant to be a more entertaining ride rather than an epic adventure with huge stakes. You’ve got fun stuff like Steven being forced to sing at gunpoint, an outlaw playing dentist as he rips out The Doctor’s tooth, Dodo fainting as she attempts to hold a man at gunpoint, and British people trying to do western accents. It’s definitely a good time, but it also feels like the writers leaned too hard into this being a western. All the tropes and cliches seem present and it’s definitely enjoyable, but it doesn’t feel like a Doctor Who story. The characters are pretty much in the background as we follow the narrative threads of these outlaws and a sheriff. Sure, they’re entertaining as well and don’t make the serial drag like “The Crusade” and “The Massacre” did, but at the cost of abandoning who we really follow this series for: The Doctor and his companions. What’s crazy is that ten (eleven?) regenerations later, The Doctor would go on another wild west adventure, facing down a space robot playing bounty hunter as The Doctor protects a town that’s inexperienced with this kind of threat. Not only does that episode have a concept that works perfectly for this show but it makes the story revolve around The Doctor and his companions trying to save this town. In “The Gunfighters,” The Doctor and company are pretty much absent for most of the story, either being dragged along by characters with more narrative importance, or stepping out of the entire climax. And yes, there are instances when the show follows random characters for the entirety of a story, but that’s still done in a way that it feels like it matches the show. Like how in “Mission of the Unknown,” where we follow characters trying desperately to stop The Daleks. Goofy or intense sci-fi nonsense and seeing The Doctor and co. reacting to history is what makes Doctor Who one of the most engaging science fiction shows ever made. While a western can be entertaining, something like “The Gunfighters” tends to make you forget what show you’re watching.

The Savages: Deleted. And a shame too, because this is another good one. The concept of this civilized society using living people as an energy source is already chilling, and the serial does well in showing how messed up it is for the supposed Savages. Though, if this was written in Modern Doctor Who, I feel like the results of this power draining would be MUCH darker. Especially if Steven Moffat wrote the episode (The sick bastard). As is, it’s still great with how they made the power draining as dark as it could be for the sixties, all while adding a classist message that still manages to work NOW with its themes of the high and mighty sucking the life of what they think is savage. I love it and I also adore how The Doctor quickly picked up on how sick this whole idea is, wanting to shut the whole thing down immediately. THAT’S The Doctor I know, and it’s pretty fun that what saved the day is their leader taking some of The Doctor’s essence. Even when temporarily beaten, The Doctor still wins.

It’s all pretty great, but do you wanna know what’s better? STEVEN! IS! GONE!

Again, I’ll get to WHY later, but I am so glad to see Steven go. He wasn’t really the best companion out there and it is pretty nice that in his last adventure with The Doctor it’s all about Steven finally learning how to be useful. It’s to better sell that he’d be a capable leader to these people and…under his leadership, they’d probably die, but I can take it. Seeing Steven gone makes me willing to accept any nonsense of making him a leader and it’s nice that the show lets him leave with dignity. Even with the worst companions, it’s great the show at least treats them as people and lets ones like Steven leave happy enough instead of injecting him out the airlock or something. His departure is very welcomed and makes this serial stand out a little higher.

The War Machines: The final serial available on Tubi, and it’s…alright? Yeah, I honestly have no strong feelings one way or the other towards this one. The premise itself is what I love to see in Doctor Who, as this machine meant to help humanity ends up wanting to conquer it, with The Doctor being a key factor in securing the victory only to become the machine’s downfall. It’s all decent enough, with actors doing well at portraying these disturbingly obedient human puppets and there being some impressive puppetry on display with WANTON’s war machines. But as decent as it all is, none of it really WOWED me. The techno babble that The Doctor used to explain how he outsmarted and bested the war machines lost me due to how convoluted it was. Same goes for how WANTON was able to hypnotize human beings. I don’t even know if it was ever explained because of how much non-scientific science was thrown in this entire serial. It’s the central part of this entire premise, and it makes little sense how a computer was able to hypnotize anyone, even if it was supposedly advanced.

Another thing that bothers me about this serial is that this is supposed to be Dodo’s exit. She’s out for half the adventure and doesn’t even get to say goodbye in person. She just takes a nap, lets her replacements do most of the work, and then she’s gone for good. It feels cheap and gives her the weakest exit out of any companion in this run. Possibly the weakest exit ever. It’s another little aspect that makes the serial not BAD but not outstanding, either.

The Smugglers: Not much to say about this one. Just a fast romp as The Doctor and his companions fend off pirates in their hunt for a legendary treasure. It drags a little bit and there’s a lot of flip-flopping in terms of certain characters’ loyalty, but it has some fun moments, like The Doctor outsmarting opponents and Ben and Polly proving their worth as companions fairly quickly. Not a spectacular adventure, but entertaining enough.

The Tenth Planet: Here it is. The final serial in the First Doctor’s run…And it’s incomplete.

Yeah, the final adventure with William Hartnell’s Doctor, and you can’t see it in its entirety. You can watch the first three parts, but the fourth? Not a chance. It’s quite disappointing and, you know what? If I could cheat with his first adventure, I can cheat with his last. Let’s use “other means” than Tubi to watch those first three episodes and read what happens next.

And I’ll just say…it’s ALMOST perfect. It has a STRONG premise, introducing the Cybermen, a longtime enemy of The Doctor. It was so fascinating to see how humanlike these monsters began, moving and speaking like everyday men just with a slight robotic lean to it. It actually makes the more robotic, emotionless Cybermen more chilling in the modern age as it now becomes clear that the Cybermen perfected their goal to be more robot than human. The serial also cleverly makes it where the Cybermen aren’t the ONLY threat. I truly love that the bitter and impulsive General Cutler is just as much of an antagonist as the Cybermen are, with his desire to kill them before they kill Earth being potentially more damaging if he ever got away with his plans. It goes along with a recurring theme of this show in the modern age where those who try to be the victor in an unnecessary war tend to destroy themselves. Cutler dies because he attracted Cybermen attention with the warhead and the Cybermen die because their planet burned up when they could have asked for assistance with their problem instead of destroying the Earth for survival. It’s handled really well, with Polly and Ben still continuing to be useful additions to the cast as they do all they can to stop both Cutler and the Cybermen. Mainly because they have to with The Doctor checking out for when things get their most deadly.

Speaking of, the one thing that holds the serial back is The First Doctor’s exit. This was his final adventure, and he doesn’t do much aside from telling people what to do and taking a nap. By the time his regeneration begins, it all goes by so fast that it feels like he’s being rushed out the door. In a way…he kind of is. Due to age catching up with him, William Hartnell was forced to leave the show because his memory problems and exhaustion were getting difficult to film around. So now they had to get him out of the show for his own good, all while making one last serial as a final goodbye to this actor. However, it doesn’t change how…off his farewell feels. He’s not the triumphant hero who stopped The Cybermen and he didn’t get any final words to make his goodbye feel haunting or bittersweet. Future Doctors got this chance, even ones who decided to leave on their own accord like David Tennant or Matt Smith. It’s actually kind of sad that William Hartnel didn’t get the same treatment and that the writers would only learn their lesson for FUTURE generations. His flawed departure is the one thing that holds back what is admittedly a well-made serial.

And that’s it. That’s the last adventure with The First Doctor. But before I talk about my overall thoughts with this man, I should first discuss some other characters. Characters who are important to any Doctor no matter WHO (haha) they are…

THE COMPANIONS

Doctor Who would not be the show that it is without the companions. They’re frequently the audience surrogates, experiencing new adventures alongside The Doctor while assisting them across space and time. One thing that Chris Chibnall did correctly is point out that the companions are the true power of The Doctor and are worth talking about within the same breath. However, it DOES get a little tricky on who’s considered a companion or not. And trust me when I say it’ll get trickier as time goes on. So, for the sake of sanity, I’ll say that a companion is a recurring character who travels with The Doctor in the TARDIS and is there for more than one episode (Or serial, in this case). With those rules that I’ll probably break in the future out of the way, let’s begin with each companion as they left us.

Susan: I have…complicated feelings towards Susan. She had great chemistry within the group, did well as the wide-eyed, naive child who was excited for everything, and I was truly sad to see her go…But while my heart was sad, my ears were eternally grateful.

Yeah, as sweet a character as Susan is, she wouldn’t. Stop. F**KING. SCREAMING. Every time danger happened, she would always go, “AH! AH! GRANDFATHER! IAN! BARBARA! AH-AH!” Everytime. And when Susan was part of the group, having fun with them, being just as silly as the others, THAT’S when Susan worked. She was “The Young One,” acting as someone who the others would look after but still treat with respect as they knew Susan was capable of so much more than SCREAMING. As a member of the group, Susan worked great. As someone who could face danger…Let’s just say that my ears will be bleeding less now that she’s gone.

Ian: It’s weird that a college professor has more of a hero’s heart than the titular character of our show, but I’m not entirely complaining. Ian was a solid companion, willing to take charge for the sake of the group and having some great interactions with The Doctor. You could tell he wanted to strangle the old man, but also enjoyed The Doctor’s company as they shared a similar spirit. They both consider themselves leaders of the party and find conflict when one has an idea they believe is better than the other’s. After a while, they learn to work together and you feel that trust they have thanks to them realizing they’re basically the same kind of men who want the same kind of things. It DOES tend to feel that Ian steals the show at times, but it doesn’t change how much of an entertaining and perhaps even inspiring character Ian can be. He went through so much for The Doctor and the others, being the hero that they need and being charming as hell when doing it.

Barbara: Barbara’s sort of the character that has a well-defined relationship with everyone in the TARDIS. She’s a supportive, motherly figure to Susan and Vicki, treating them with respect while calming them down during intense times. With Ian, she’s a good friend and ONLY a friend. I’m actually glad that she was never forced into a love-interest role with him. There were so many moments where that could have been a possibility with how often those two are paired together, but it’s nice that they remained as close friends who can rely and help one another when the time comes. Not every man and woman needs to end up dating in the end. As for how Barbara is with The Doctor, where Ian and The Doctor are the same in a goal-driven level, The Doctor and Barbara are the same through an INTELLECTUAL one. They often share the same kind of thoughts and curiosity for each adventure they go on, and when they argue, you can tell it’s between two people who are of the same mind but with different opinions. It’s done well and I appreciate seeing these two interact the most. I also appreciate that Barbara stood strong in the face of danger, being just as valuable of a helping hand as the others are and not being a damsel in distress. Sure, she was like that SOMETIMES, but for the sixties this was likely the most independent a woman could get on television. Barbara was a strong character, and likely my favorite amongst the original companions.

Vicki: I was very worried that Vicki was going to turn out to be Susan 2.0, and in a lot of ways, she is. She was very much the young one who was commonly paired up with The Doctor or Barbara as she oozed with childish naivety. Even her exit was nearly identical to Susan’s, except that Susan’s was handled better because The Doctor at least said goodbye. Still, while very similar to Susan, there were some things that I did like a little more with Vicki. For one, she didn’t scream as much…thank FRICK! And two, she was a bit more proactive. Instead of screaming for Ian, Barabara, and The Doctor, Vicki found solutions herself and was frequently the one who helped save the day. I appreciate that, as it helps set her apart more from Susan and gives fans a different kind of naive character that’s endearing in her OWN way. I will say that it feels weird that The Doctor treats Vicki with more respect than his actual GRANDDAUGHTER at times, but this one isn’t screaming too often, so I don’t blame him. Vicki’s a little too much the same, but in some ways, I’d definitely say she’s a bit of an improvement, as mean as it is to admit.

Katarina: Does she count? She doesn’t really go past a single serial…Aw, screw it. She traveled in the TARDIS and helped the group for some time. I’ll say she counts.

And there’s not much to say about Katarina. She was along for the ride for such a short time, not really given a chance to stand out between the young characters like Susan or Vicki. There is this bit of naivety due to her seeing technology for the first time and mistaking The Doctor as a god, but there’s not enough time to develop that idea further and show her capabilities. I will say, though, that she gets the DARKEST exit of any companion I’ve seen. It’s sudden and unceremonious, dying because of some stupid maniac trying to escape his personal Hell. What’s worse is that it’s left to interpretation as to whether or not her death was an accident. Because she was from the distant past and had no knowledge of technology or buttons, it’s unknown if she sacrificed herself to stop the others from going back to The Daleks or because she didn’t know what button opened the door. A character that got to see the universe for the first time, thinking she was a part of something perfect, only to die in an unpredictable circumstance. She had a short amount of time, but I’m with The Doctor. I hope she found that perfection.

Steven: I. Do. NOT care for Steven. It feels like the writers were trying to make him Ian’s replacement as the heroic figure that was often at odds with The Doctor. Except that Steven is very much NOT that. He’s more like this bumbling buffoon who caused more problems as he constantly needed to be rescued by The Doctor and even Vicki at times. The very SECOND that proves how useless he could be was during his introduction when he ran to get back his teddy bear during a grueling escape from The Daleks. You COULD make the argument that the writers wanted to slowly develop Steven into a more heroic character, but there was barely any progression with him constantly being the butt of every joke. The only time he felt useful was during his last appearance, which I can appreciate. Again, they let him leave with some dignity intact and I’m grateful that he and The Doctor left on good terms. The two of them had a lot of one-on-one times with Steven having a great amount of trust towards The Doctor despite the constant jabs The Doctor gave. The Doctor admires every companion he lets tag along, and I love that it’s no different with Steven, even if I was more glad to see him gone.

Dodo: I…am incredibly indifferent towards Dodo. I don’t HATE her, I guess I could say that. She never really made my ears bleed like Susan did, but, at the same time, she wasn’t really the most useful companion. Dodo was either a damsel for The Doctor to save or someone that CAUSED a problem instead of leading to a solution. In a way, she’s more of what I expected Vicki to be: A downgrade rather than an upgrade who never really got a chance to shine as a worthy member of the group. Even Steven seemed more proactive than her, and that is a crime. And I’m pretty sure even the writers weren’t sure what to do with her either, given how they just…kicked Dodo out of the series without any proper exit. If Steven could get a proper ending, then so could Dodo. Regardless, I wouldn’t exactly say I’m going to miss her. Not too much, anyway. I didn’t mind her existence in the show, but I won’t lose sleep with her being gone. Sorry.

Ben and Polly: Yeah, might as well lump these two together. They weren’t on this run for long, and I assume they’ll be more dynamic characters when we talk about Number Two. For now, I’ll say that they’re fairly useful, saving the day with cunning and bravery. I wish Ben was a LITTLE less whiny and Polly a lot less of a damsel, but who knows? Maybe they’ll improve with The Second Doctor.

But that’s enough with the companions. Let’s finally talk about the man who started it all…

THE DOCTOR

The Doctor, no matter the iteration, is one of my favorite fictional characters. I ADORE a character who solves problems through wit, prefers not to use violence but will if pushed to their limits, and is the kindest being in the universe who will also destroy you if you hurt anyone they love. The Doctor is a being of many contradictions, who’s personality may fluctuate throughout the generations but still, at their core, is a caring being who won’t let ANYTHING stop them from doing what’s right.

…So to see The Doctor start off as this old fart who constantly complains while everyone does everything, causes problems for others, and sometimes cowardly bends to the will of enemies was a definite SHOCK to the system. The Doctor did NOT start out as the nobel hero I know them now as. It was actually kind of frustrating to see him stand off to the side while Ian took charge of everything. THIS would be the person who defeated countless enemies all over the universe? The person who sets out to save lives and regrets the ones they lost? That all started with someone who purposely trapped him and his companions on a distant planet just so they could explore? I couldn’t believe it, but thankfully the writers knew this neat little trick to storytelling: Character development.

Slowly but surely, The First Doctor does become more and more like the character I now adore. He fought Daleks after knowing how dangerous they are, weeped for the friends he had to let go, and outsmarted enemies rather than overpower them. He even gained The Doctor’s silliness and sense of humor. Just look at his grin as he scared enemies off after pretending to be a Dalek. The man relished in the chaos he brought, and it was fun to see…Except when he got giddy for being the one who caused Rome to burn down to the ground. Still have no idea what that was about.

Now, things weren’t always perfect. The First Doctor, while improved over time, still never became the heroic badass I know him NOW as, relying on his companions to do most of the work while he’s off having his own fun. Still, that’s where him being the FIRST comes into play. I can absolutely buy that it would take a few regenerations before he became The Doctor I know and love. As is, I’ll say that The First Doctor is an interesting, albeit off-putting, look into what The Doctor USED to be. It wasn’t always good, but I had my fun and I’ll miss this goofy old man.

And with that, we close off The First Doctor’s run. Most of it was fun, a lot was more dull than I expected it to be, and there were both good and bad surprises given to me through this journey into The First Doctor's adventures. It was great to finally see how this show I love started out, and it’s only the beginning from here. Tune in next time when it’s out with the old and in with the…significantly less old as we talk about The Second Doctor’s run.

#doctor who #classic who #classic doctor who #the first doctor #the doctor #doctor who susan #ian chesterton #barbara wright #doctor who vicki #long post #it was nineteen pages on one google doc #sorry #what i thought about #doctor who reviews

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