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thetriumphantpanda · 10 months

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two is better than one | joel & tommy miller

Summary | Frustrated that whatever you're trying to do still isn't working, you decide to give it one more try with Joel before cooling off for a while. Tommy is back to keep an eye on the both of you this time, but what happens when he starts to feel a little left out, watching his brother bring his girl over the edge more times than he cares to count?

Warnings | I swear I always start this the same way so here we go: Tommy getting cucked but also getting involved this time 👀, Joel being a fucking menace, dirty talk, oral sex (F&M receiving), face sitting, breeding kink, unprotected PiV sex, talk of infertility, no use of Y/N

Word Count | 3.8k

Authors Note | Whew. When I tell you this little threesome has been rotting my brain, I'm not lying. This is the only thing I can focus on, hence them being updated so fast! I just wanted to say a huge thank you to you all for the continued love you're giving this series - it honestly blows my mind every time that it's something you guys enjoy, that my writing reaches so many people and that they lap that shit up. I'm so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to comment, send me asks, reblogs and those who have slid into my DMs with all the love. I see you, I hear you, and I love you all - thank you. I hope you enjoy this next part just as much as the rest - it's a doozy. You know the drill, if you did like it, please consider reblogging, commenting or sending the love to my ask box, it's what keeps me going. And if you'd like to leave me a tip (of course no pressure!), then here's my Ko-Fi.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Another month and another fucking negative pregnancy test. You knew it was irrational, but you were starting to think that maybe you were also part of the problem now. You’d been doing everything right, following all the advice in the books you’d bought almost a year ago when Tommy and you had first started trying for a baby. You’d been exercising, eating as healthily as possible, tried to keep yourself a stress-free as possible. You’d been keeping a close eye on your cycle and still, nothing to show for it.

When you clambered down the stairs, test in hand and flung it in Tommy’s direction, he already knew. He could see the heavy set of your shoulders, the quiet sniffling of you trying to hide the fact you were crying. Tommy had settled you on the couch, covered you in a blanket and made you some tea. Then he’d made your favourite meal for dinner, even driven to the store and picked up Diet Coke, emptied a can into a glass filled with ice and lime juice like you loved, but none of it really helped to soothe how upset you were.

The TV was on low, and he had your head in his lap, slowly stroking the strands of your hair as you tried to calm yourself down. Remind yourself that even the most fertile of couples needed to try for months sometimes before they had their first baby. It was stupid to think you’d be any different.

“You’re thinkin’ way too loud, sugar.” Tommy muses, letting his hand run up and down your arm instead.

“Sorry,” You mumble, “Just thought it would be easier.”

“I know,” He coos, “We can take a break for a while, if you want.”

You turn so you’re led on your back, looking right up at him, “I just want a baby.” You feel a tear slip down your cheek to pool near your ear.

Tommy uses his thumb to brush away the tears that have started to fall, bobbing his leg up and down gently to try and soothe you, “It’s still fresh,” He speaks softly, “Let’s give it a couple of days and see what you want to do, okay?”

You nod in agreement, feeling the beginnings of a headache pooling behind your eyes. You push yourself up into a sitting position and turn around to press a soft kiss to his lips, “I’m gonna go to bed,” You announce, “Headache.”

He lets you go, it’s still early and you know there’s the game highlights he wanted to watch. In bed, you can do nothing but toss and turn for a few hours. Every time you’d try to close your eyes, all you could see was vision of you and Joel, in all the different positions he’d put you in so far, and all for what? When the bedside clock hit 10:30, you head out to use the bathroom. As you near the door at the top of the stairs you can hear Tommy talking to someone, through the phone because his is the only voice you can hear.

“I know, brother, she’s just really beat up about it,” You hear him say, “I don’t know how to make it better.”

You lean against the closed bathroom door, wondering if perhaps you should leave Tommy to talk to Joel. There’s a pause where you can hear Tommy humming along to whatever Joel is saying on the other end of the phone.

“I dunno man,” Tommy sighs, “You managed to knock Sarah’s mom up on a one-night stand, guess I thought it would be easier for you.”

There’s another pause, then he’s speaking again.

“No Joel, all of her tests came back perfect,” Another sigh, “I was always the problem.”

You’re about to push down the handle to go to the bathroom when Tommy speaks again, “I don’t know, maybe we should just cool it for a while, we’re all gonna work ourselves up otherwise.”

You decide you don’t really want to hear the rest of the conversation. You sit on the toilet and let your face drop to your hands in frustration. Why couldn’t you just be normal? Why couldn’t you have been a nice, normal couple, having a baby in the most natural way possible? Why did this have to come along and fucking complicate everything? And why did Joel have to be so fucking good to you every time?

You wash your hands under the tap, water as scalding as it could go, just in order to feel something that wasn’t frustration before you head to bed. There’s no longer the sound of voices as you pad back across the hall and get back into bed, shutting off the lights and curling onto one side, knees as close to your chest as you can manage to get them. It’s not long before you can hear Tommy shuffling around upstairs. He pushes open the bedroom door quietly, obviously thinking you’re already asleep. You can hear him undressing before he's slipping onto his side of the bed, pulling your body close to his under the covers as he spoons you.

You let your own arm cover his over your waist as you lean back into the comfort of his chest, letting his breath fan across the skin of your shoulder as he presses a kiss to your skin.

“I wanna try again,” You speak softly into the dark, feeling Tommy’s arm’s squeeze you tighter, “Once more and then we cool it for a while.”

“You sure?” He asks into your ear, lips pressing to the sensitive skin behind your ear.

“I’m sure.” You respond, turning around in his arms to capture his lips in yours.

When the time comes to try again, it’s you who greets Joel at the door when he knocks. Tommy already upstairs and situated in the chair he had taken the first time you’d done this as a three. Joel leans down, lips just millimeters from your own, but instead of kissing your mouth, he places a soft kiss to your cheek instead.

“Hello, darlin’.”

You step up onto your tiptoes to press your own kiss to his face, just shy of the corner of his mouth – the kisses from last time still a secret between the two of you.

“Evening handsome,” You smile, pulling away from him to close the door as he steps inside, “You ready?”

“To give you what you want?” He smirks, “Always, pretty girl.”

You feel that telltale heat flush across your cheeks as Joel pulls you into his side, hand dipping down to squeeze your ass over the fabric of the robe you’d thrown on moments ago. God, why did he have to be so fucking intoxicating around you?

You take hold of his hand in yours, leading him up the stairs behind you. Tommy was reading a book as you entered the room, folding the corner of the page before setting it down on the nightstand closest to the chair. You can’t help but snigger as you watch him and Joel give each other the typical male greeting of a curt nod of the head.

You drag Joel by the arm to the foot of the bed, pushing his shoulders down so he sits on the edge. Then you take a step back and tug on the belt of your robe, letting it fall open and off your body to leave you completely naked in front of him. You watch his face as he trails those beautiful brown eyes over your body, letting out a low whistle of approval.

“Beautiful as ever, darlin’,” He compliments, reaching out a hand for you to take, “But you’re worked up, ain’t ya? And not in the good way.”

Your eyes flit to Tommy in the corner of the room, who has that smug ‘I told you so’ look on his face. You’d been itching for Tommy to arrange this since that ovulation test said you were in the zone, but Joel had been working away for the past two days, and now you were worried that if you didn’t hurry the fuck up, you’d miss your chance.

Joel reaches out and puts his hands on the back of your thighs, pulling you into him, he’s looking up at you, pressing hot kisses to the skin of your tummy, “Gotta relax babygirl,” He moans, “I’m tryin’ my damned hardest, but you just gotta let nature take its course.”

“Just frustrating.” You mumble.

“I know baby, I know,” He’s got his hands palming your tits now, “Long as I need to, I’ll keep fillin’ you up, y’hear me?”

Your breath catches in your throat and all you can do is nod as he moves himself back on the bed.

Joel leans back on the bed, his head just shy of the pillows, “Sit on my face, pretty girl.”

You’re almost embarrassed at how quickly you scramble yourself onto the bed, moving up to straddle his hips – even Tommy is chuckling from his chair.

“Can’t get enough of Joel’s mouth on your pussy, can you, sugar?” He speaks in a low voice.

Joel has his hands on your ass, guiding your naked body to hover over his face before his hands are slipping up to your hips to pull your cunt to his mouth. He wastes no time in getting straight to business, wide tongue licking stripes from your entrance, where he laps up your slick like a cat would cream, to those deliciously tight flicks of the tip of his tongue to your clit. You can hear him groaning into your pussy, your hand coming down to anchor itself into his hair to hold him still as you start grinding against his face.

You can hear the obscene slurps that he’s making underneath you, it’s half the reason you think it takes you no time at all to reach the edge, because he fucking enjoys this just as much as you do, he loves tasting you, loves making you feel good and you can feel that, can feel it on his mouth.

As you throw your head back as Joel’s tongue swipes perfectly across your clit, you catch Tommy in the corner of the room. He’s palming himself through his jeans as he watches you, your body writhing as his brother’s mouth brings you closer and closer to the edge. It wouldn’t hurt, would it? You think, if you asked if he wanted you to help him out.

“You feeling left out baby?” You coo, reaching your hand out for Tommy to take, “Joel gets my pussy tonight,” You punctuate with a grind of your pussy down onto his mouth, “But I can help you, if you want.”

He’s standing at the edge of the bed in minutes, his hand pressing into the back of your neck, not unlike how he tries to work the knots from there when you watch TV together. It’s soft and it’s loving and a complete juxtaposition to the vice grip that Joel’s fingers currently have on your hips.

Your lips are impossibly close to Tommy’s, you could easily lean forward and kiss him, instead, you have a demand, “Take off your pants.”

Tommy’s hands start to undo the belt holding his jeans up, so you turn your attention back to Joel between your thighs. He is expertly holding you right on the edge, you’re mewling and whining as he tongue works you to the edge, and then pulls away, moving down to gather more of your slick on his tongue.

You drop your head and catch his eyes looking up at you, “You gonna tease me all night, Miller?” You ask, voice cracking as he makes a point to suckle on your clit, making you cry out, “Fuck, make me come, please Joel.”

All of a sudden, Tommy’s hand is on your face, pulling your mouth to his own in a searing kiss as he guides your hand to his cock. You’re moaning, a combination of the fact that any second, Joel’s mouth is going to have you screaming and the fact that it’s Tommy kissing you, his cock you’re currently pumping through your fist. It’s delicious and it’s filthy and it should feel all shades of wrong, but it fucking doesn’t.

You feel it in your legs first, the way they begin to shake and pulse and your thighs clamp around Joel’s face. Then you feel it in your abdomen, like a knot unfurling all at once as pleasure bursts over every inch of your skin. Your mouth detaching from Tommy’s, so you can cry out his brother’s name as you feel yourself almost collapse onto him.

“Such a good girl,” Tommy breathes into your ear, your hand still firmly held around his cock, “So good when you come for us like that.”

You feel Joel’s hands tapping at the cheeks of your ass, telling you to lift yourself off his face which you do, dragging yourself down enough so that you’re sat across his chest, not caring that your leaking pussy is dragging slick all over him. His face is covered, covered in you. He’s grinning up at you like the devil, tongue circling his mouth to clean your taste from wherever he can reach.

“I gotta be inside you, pretty girl.” You can hear his gruff voice speak.

Tommy immediately moves back from you so you can settle yourself down on the bed. You start on your back, but Joel moves you to lie on your side. He’s still fully clothed behind you, but when he presses himself up against you, you can feel his thick cock straining in his jeans.

“Take your clothes off.” Is all you can manage to whine as Tommy settles on his knees on the space in front of you, taking the back of your head in the palm of his hand to bring your mouth to his cock.

Joel shuffles away from you and you feel the mattress lighten as he gets off the bed to shed his clothes. You almost wish you could watch, there’s something about the way Joel reveals his body to you that drives you wild. The way he drags his shirt off to reveal his broad frame, chest peppered with hair, or the way his cock bounces when he finally pulls off his underwear. But right now, you’re focused on making your man feel good.

You’re making sure that you’re doing it exactly as Tommy likes, almost telling him through the ministrations of your mouth how grateful you are for him, for this being his idea, for loving you enough and trusting you enough to let someone else give you what he cannot. You’re giving all the attention of your tongue to the head of Tommy’s weeping cock, tasting the salt and musk of his pre-cum, using one had to pump the base of his cock.

You can feel Joel settle back behind you, pressing his entire body against your own, hard cock slipping through the slick folds of your cunt as he settles himself in the right position, then, he’s taking hold of your leg, hand in the crux of your knee to pull it up, baring his prize. He slowly inches his cock inside your tight heat and suddenly it’s all a little overwhelming.

You’re giving the love of your life the kind of head you’ve only ever seen in porn, Tommy taking most of the control to thrust in and out of your mouth. You’re pretty sure the tears falling from your eyes are a mixture of his length hitting the back of your throat and the overwhelming emotion, love, and admiration you feel for both the men who are crowding your body, owning it, taking what they both want, one of them hopefully leaving you with what you want.

You pull your face away from Tommy’s cock for a moment, still giving his length the attention it needs, but you let yourself lean into Joel behind you, his cock still moving languidly inside you. He’s got one of his arms snaked under your neck, your head leant against his arm like a pillow, his other hand holding your leg up so that every time his cock brushes inside you, it’s hitting that damn spot that makes you want to cry.

“Look at you, lucky girl,” Joel growls into your ear as his lifts your leg up higher, pushing it almost to lie flat aagainst your side, “One cock in that pretty little pussy, another in your mouth,” You let a moan, muffled by the fact that Tommy is currently doing a slap-up job of fucking your throat, “He’s a lucky man,” Joel speaks again, “Bet that mouth feels divine.”

“You ask nicely, she might oblige you, brother.”

You feel him puff air through his nose in a chuckle, “I’m quite happy right where I am,” He speaks, pumping his cock so deep inside you that you actually think you can see stars, “You’re a lucky son-of-a-bitch gettin’ this for the rest of your life.”

“She’s special, I’ll give you that.”

It’s like you have to prove him right now. You can feel the walls of your pussy clenching around Joel as he picks up his pace. You can feel his balls slapping into your skin with every thrust, the power behind them causing your mouth to take Tommy cock deeper into your mouth every time.

“Sugar, I ain’t gonna last much longer.” You hear him speak from above you.

You pull off him, again letting your hand work him as you look up at his through your lashes, “You want me to swallow for you, baby?” You asked, wondering what you must look like when he looks down at you, fucked out from his brother, begging for him to come down your throat.

“There’s an offer I cannot refuse,” Tommy grins, letting your mouth take him back inside the warmth, “Such a good girl.”

He only lasts a few more seconds, cum hitting your tongue and seeping down your throat. You swallow down every drop, grinning up at Tommy. He leans down and plants a kiss to your lips, and now your focus is on Joel, thick and solid, pumping his cock in and out of you.

“You focus on Joel now, sugar,” He croons, “I’m gonna sit back and watch you have fun.”

As soon as Tommy has moved away from you, Joel is pulling his cock from your pussy, turning you onto your back before he’s crowding his frame over you, settling between your thighs. You’re pliant and you move easily when he hooks your legs over his shoulders, folding you back as he slips his cock back inside you.

You’re gripping his arms as he fucks into you in earnest now, tip of his cock bruising your cervix with every thrust, you know he’ll have half-moon shaped marks on his arms come the morning, they’ll match the bruises he always leaves on your hips, the shape of his fingertips indented into your skin.

“God fuckin’ damnit,” Joel groan, head falling to the column of your throat to graze teeth and lips over your delicate skin, “Gonna come so deep in this fuckin’ pussy it won’t have a choice but to take, you hear me, pretty girl?”

“Fuck!” You exclaim, as he shifts just enough to change the angle that his cock is spearing into you, “Joel please.”

“Please what?” He teases, “What do you want, babygirl?”

“Inside,” You breath out, “Want you inside.”

“Yeah, want me to make you a mama?” You can feel tears pooling in your eyes, “No need to cry, pretty girl,” He leans down, folding you in half even more, almost uncomfortable, to kiss away the tears, “Gonna give you what you need.”

He thankfully moves back a little, stopping your bones from screaming at you for being folded so inhumanely, then his thumb is on your clit, “Only gonna make you a mama if you come with me,” Joel smirks, “Deal?”

“Oh god – fuck – whatever you want,” You cry, “Please, give me what I want.”

His thumb is relentless on your already sensitive clit, those tight circles have you clenching around him and when you look into his eyes you know he’s just as close as you are, “That’s it baby, you keep those big, beautiful eyes on me,” Joel’s hips are snapping into your with a force you didn’t know you could feel, it’s entirely too much and entirely too little all at the same time, “Can feel that tight little pussy suckin’ me in,” You cry out as his thumb falters and drags across your clit in a way that has that not threatening to unfurl yet again, “It’s alright baby, if you come, I’ll follow, yeah?”

That’s exactly what happens. His thumb traces wet circles over your clit and you do exactly as he says. You keep your eyes wide open, staring directly into his own, as your mouth falls open with a screech as your vision clouds. Whatever happens, Joel is right behind you, his cock pounds into at most, twice more, before he’s growling your name through his teeth, cum painting every inch of your pussy. He drops your legs from his shoulders, and falls forward, letting his head rest in the crook of your neck as you both fight to catch your breath.

You wrap your arms around him but it’s all too soon before he’s pulling himself out of you, a kiss to your cheek as he does so. You’re spent and you’re aching and if you’re honest, a little overwhelmed. Joel dresses quickly, and you wish you could ask him to stay, wish he didn’t feel the need to run away, but you know it’s for the best. Tommy tells you he’ll see him out and come to bed, so you roll over and pull yourself under the sheets, trying to warm yourself from the cool air that’s spattering across the sweat of your skin.

Tommy is back within minutes having seen Joel off. He shed his clothes and moves right up behind you, gathering you into his arms. He takes some time to press kisses into your neck and across your shoulders and for some reason, it sets your belly on fire. How have you been fucked so thoroughly by another man, this man’s own brother, and now you’re aching for this man behind you.

“I love you so much, Tommy,” You whisper into the dark, clutching at his arms wrapped around you, “So fucking much.”

“I love you too baby,” He whispers into your ear, stilling your hips as they grind back into him, “Enough of that, I’ll give you what you want tomorrow.”

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lizzieislife94x · 5 months

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Roleplay (e.o)

Lizzie x Fem Reader

GirlxGirl

Y/ns POV:

"What to wear what wear" I whisper to myself as I pick out the sexiest dress I own it's black tight fighting and hugs me in all the right places and shows just enough cleavage and thighs this should turn some heads, I quickly shower and dry my hair deciding to go with a curly look for this evening I quickly get dried and put on a nice lacy bra and underwear set as I sit at my vanity doing my make up after half an hour I put my dress on and grab my phone to check the time fuck 7.30pm better get going I quickly order an uber and stand outside for a few minutes waiting. "Thank you so much" I say as I climb out the uber and head into a fancy bar I don't normally come to these places I prefer night clubs but thought I'd try something new "hey yeah can I have a vodka and soda please" I say politely to the barmaid "coming right up ma'am" she smiles and makes my drink handing it over to me as I sit and sip my drink I noticed a blonde at the end of the bar looking at me but I play it off until the barmaid hands me another drink "complements of the lady at the end of the bar" I nod and look over and smile as a thank you "what's a beautiful woman like you doing in a place like this alone" I look up to find the blonde standing over me with a flirtatious smile "oh just a stressful day at work, what about you beautiful " I smile back and hold out my hand "I'm y/n its nice to meet you and thank you for the drink" she shakes my hand holding longer than needed while staring into my eyes "Zoe nice to meet you" she says while biting her lip "please join me" I ask with a grin "let me get you a drink back" she sits beside me as we make some small talk.

We laugh none stop "your co worker sounds like a complete bitch "she says while laughing and holding my arm I can't help but smile while I giggle "yeah she did honestly she thinks she's the boss because she went out in one date with the actual boss" I laugh and finish my drink ordering 2 more "I gotta pee ill be back in a second beautiful " I say as I head to the bathroom I turn as I hear someone behind me "kiss me already " the blonde says while walking towards me I grab her waist and bring her in for a passionate kiss letting my tounge run along her bottom lip waiting for access which she denies so I decided to grab her ass and she moans giving me the opportunity to slide my tounge into her mouth after a minute of kissing we break away for air as she pushes me into a stall both of us breathing heavily as she slides her hand up my thigh towards my clothed core as she kisses me again making me moan into her mouth as I let my hands roam her ass lifting her dress deepening the kiss

"fuck you're so wet" she moans as she kisses her way to my neck sucking and leaving marks "I can't help it when a sexy woman demands me to kiss her" I say breathing heavy as she slides my panties to the side teasing my clit "mmmh fuck right there just like that" I moan as I close my eyes and she continues to suck my neck quickly finding my sweet spot "mhh so wet and needy" she breaths into my ear making me whimper as she slides 2 digits inside me with ease "fuck so fucking tight " I moan and open my eyes to look at her "I don't normally do this kinda thing" I try to say without moaning and she just smirks increasing her thrusts into my dripping cunt "yessss fuck fuck yess right there" I scream as I feel my orgasm approaching my legs starting to shake quicker than I'd like "cum for me y/n" she whispers into my ear and just by her words I start to cum undone like never before "shit fuck yesss" i moan as my legs shake and I smile looking at the blonde infront of me "that was amazing" I smirk as she sucks her fingers making me groan "mhhh so fucking tasty y/n I think I need to clean you up properly "she says with a grin as she sinks to her knees and puts my leg over her shoulder pulling my panties to the side leaning in to lick a strip up my folds lapping up my cum with a moan which sends a moan flying out of my mouth I look down and grip her hair as she sucks on my clit before moving her tounge down to my entrance sliding it in and out as her thumb rubs my clit with the right amount of pressure I close my eyes moaning after a few minutes of her working my clit and tounge fucking me I cum all over her face as my back arches and legs shake "fuckkkk oh god right thereee"

she licks her lips and stands up to kiss me "mhhh so fucking tasty" she whispers against my lip as I look into her eyes "my turn" I smirk bending her over the closed toilet pushing her dress up and sliding her panties off "these are soaking" I smirk dangling them for her to see I quickly sink to my knees and leave a gentle kiss on her lower back then ass cheek as I push her legs apart and spread her cheeks I sit back and take in the view for a second before leaving gentle kisses on her clit earning a moan from the blonde "don't tease me y/n" she moans impatiently I giggle and run my tounge through her wet folds as my tounge pushes its way inside her tight cunt making her moan "fuckk just like that" she breaths out a shaky breath I work my tounge in and out for a minute before replacing my tounge with my fingers pushing 2 inside her with ease "uhhh fuckkk shit yess" I smirk and thrust my fingers harder and faster curling them at the right spot hitting her gspot as I listen to the sweet sounds of her moans I thrusts faster and harder as I feel her walls tighten around my fingers "I'm cumming " she whimpers as I continue to thrust my fingers slowly letting her ride out her orgasm "so pretty when you cum for me" I smirk as we stand up fixing our dresses I look at her and we both burst out laughing "fuck lizzie that was so fucking hot nice idea for the whole strangers role-playing thing" I smirk grabbing her by the waist placing a gentle kiss on her lips "it was so hot baby god I love you" I smile looking deep into her eyes "I love you too beautiful "

AN: another update for yall just to keep the book up to date since I didn't post yesterday haha 😅 anyway if you have a request message me I do them right away unless I'm asleep ha but I hope you enjoy feedback is welcome good or bad hope everyone has a great day/night word count for this chapter is almost 1.3k

#elizabeth olsen #lizzie olsen #fanfic #marvel mcu #mcu fanfiction #oneshot #smut #wattpad #lizzieislife94x #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda x reader #mommy wanda #wandavision #wanda x you #wanda marvel #wanda mcu #wanda maximommy #wanda maxmoff x y/n

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desceros · 4 months

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Y'kno. Leo could have taken that little secret to the grave. Woulda sucked to live with it and he'd have deserved some inner turmoil for treating some random chick like dirt. Yet V was naive, trusting and loving enough to let it go if he'd never had brought it up.

But no, he had to clear his guilt. Unburden himself. Dump that shit on her.

And fuck, he's so used to her giving he was probably half-expecting forgiveness for it.

Gotamn, V can't catch a break. One one hand you got a guy you thought you were BFFs with who

a) hated you

b) used you as an emotional crutch for his whole family

and

c) couldn't even shut up about it to spare you the extra heartbreak after literally EVERYTHING ELSE.

And another guy who you thought was as into you as you were into him because he apparently can't communicate about feelings since he's shut himself out from that part of life and you gotta use hyperspecific, robotic wording to not get your heart broken again like you're signing a contract with some fucked up version of the fae.

None of them are putting in the work to mend any of their personal shit and you're the giving type that gets easily taken advantage of, even unintentionally.

Honestly, neither of them are shitting rainbows to be worth all the effort you gotta put in their asses for any semblance of a functional friendship/situationship.

Also

"You weren't part of the family."

U kno what, he can keep it. They're the only people who'll be able to stand him at this rate.

so i addressed the first part of this in another ask re: ableism here but i'll briefly summarize things here.

leo didn't tell viola-chan what was bothering him because he wanted to "clear his guilt" or "unburden himself. dump that shit on her." he told her because she has made it repeatedly clear that she values honesty. i imagine he would have never told her... but keeping a secret felt like a betrayal. so when she asked, he told her. even though he knew it would hurt and change everything.

With a sigh, you fold your arms, then look at him. “What does this have to do with what you wanted to talk about, anyway?” “Everything,” Leo says, looking at you with a heavy stare. “Because… I have a confession to make. One that’s… that’s going to change how we are. One I really don’t want to make, but it’s—it’s eating me alive. And I don’t think I can continue being friends without telling you.”

that said. i'm not defending his actions. this is abominable behavior. but it's not selfish. not this time.

as for donnie. i'm going to take some righteous issue with how you're saying this. i've spoken before about ableism that's cropping up around this fic, but so far it's been pretty. hm. things i can brush off. but this, i feel, really crosses a line for me.

your framing of an autistic person needing someone to "use hyperspecific, robotic wording to not get your heart broken again like you're signing a contract with some fucked up version of the fae" is ringing quite poorly in my ears.

as an autistic person myself who has specifically made requests to my own loved ones that this is the exact kind of language i need to have smooth relationships, i don't appreciate your wording.

in symphony, donnie doesn't use the label 'autistic'. but he is. and he doesn't come up to you and say 'hey can i please have his kind of language used with me.' because he hasn't had to do that before. everyone around him has had his entire life to adapt to his needs. but viola-chan hasn't, hence why they have friction and misunderstandings. a large part of this story is the two of them learning to communicate. and part of that, i am sorry to tell you, is that autistic people often need language that can come across as "robotic" and "hyperspecific". so i'm going to ask you to deal with it, or perhaps look for a different fic. i'm not going to change that interpretation of things, because it comes from my own experiences as an autistic person.

lastly, you say "none of them are putting in the work to mend any of their personal shit" and that just?? isn't true??? this is literally just poor reading comprehension. an inability to look past the limited point of view of the protagonist. the entire first arc of this fic (ch. 1-11) is donnie stretching out of his comfort zone to tackle this serious problem he has. the second arc (12-20) is him pushing past things he's never done before so he can heal and touch his brothers again. leo comes to you and tells you about his issues with his sleep, where they come from, and lets you help him. not to mention mikey and raph, whom i assume you're leaving out of this ask since you haven't mentioned them. draxum even mentions, specifically, that viola-chan's presence is making them change. and the way he says it is very specific.

“Blue has been much more lively since you came around, and Donatello is much less crabby. Michael was also telling me you gave him some good exercises for his wrist. I was impressed. I’ve been meaning to ask you to work with Red as well on his trauma response since you seem to have a knack for it.”

work with. not on. i know i'm subtle, but come on.

anyway. this got quite long, but i'm not going to put it under a cut because i want these things to be open and visible. i've had a couple people say some somewhat similar things about donnie's part in this and i'm. getting kind of tired of it lmao. but thank you for reading, and i do appreciate you taking the time to send in your thoughts!!

#ask tag #symphony tag #symphony meta

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viridiave · 10 months

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Spoiler-heavy thoughts about Crick and how the Game Mechanics treat Temenos’s story

So. yeah if you press ‘Keep Reading’ I should probably let you guys know that these thoughts are just a tiny bit unhinged. And again - spoiler alert! You’ve been warned!!

GAME MECHANICS AND UI

- Gonna preface THIS section by asserting that yes, not EVERY mechanic needs to be taken apart under a microscope and re-contextualized into the greater lore of the game. Not EVERYTHING has to mean something to everybody. Some of my classes in game design disagree though and honestly for the genre that Octopath Traveler is, that being a story-heavy role-playing game where the narrative is half the game, I'd say that integrating lore into the mechanics and vice-versa wouldn't hurt - in fact it ENHANCES the experience. The second game does this pretty handily through the EX Skills (the first of the skills being Divine Blessings, and the second being earned at the end of the story.) and the Latent Powers.

Okay the Latent Powers? Honestly that part's mostly for Hikari. Shadow's Hold/Light's Radiance is STILL one of the best examples of Gameplay and Story Integration that this game has

No I swear I don't have a bias for 'other selves'/'deep parts of yourself made manifest' what are you talking about -

I swear I can write an entire separate post JUST about the EX Skills. Mostly for Osvald, Castti, and mOTHERFUCKING TEMENOS AGAIN

aND THIS IS WHY I GO FUCKING BONKERS WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE DEMO VERSION OF THE GAME LIKE WHAT THE FU-

- Literally the fucking emblem for Temenos's story is a staff and a sword over the Sacred Flame like - they REALLY want you to know how important Crick is to this tale

- tHE FACT THAT CRICK IS THE ONE WHO HAS COVER. NOT EVEN HIKARI OR THE WARRIOR CLASS. IT'S CRICK - DOES THIS COUNT AS FORESHADOWING???

I'll like - write here what I should have written in the bath - and that's me being like 'oh it's because he's recklessly protective. OH SHIT IT'S BECAUSE HE'S RECKLESSLY PROTECTIVE'

I fully acknowledge that it doesn't have to be that deep. MAYBE I'm pulling stuff out of my ass. But allow me to go bonkers over Crick and his for-some-reason-worryingly-appropriate moveset

Man I wonder how bonkers I'd go over Malaya if she was allowed to throw hands. I want her to complement Castti's moveset so bad

- Also the fact that both of their kits complement each other. Crick's bulkier build was made specifically with supporting Temenos in mind.

My guy's Sacred Sword reduces the enemy's elemental defense. Wonder if that implies that the Sanctum Knights normally work with magic and/or magicians

aGAIN HE HAS FUCKING COVER which is PERFECT because early-game Temenos can and will faint if a monster blinks at him too hard

Then there's his OTHER skill Godsblade's Shield which RAISES his physical defense to SO HE CAN COVER FOR TEMENOS BETTER LIKE. AT SOME POINT I SHOULD JUST ASK WHY THEY TRIED SO HARD FOR HIM SPECIFICALLY

And I mean. It makes SENSE but I don't think any of the other helper characters really had this level of chemistry in their mechanics as these two do

Emerald and Gus both have healing moves for better survivability considering how squishy Osvald and Agnea are

And it makes sense, Temenos already has access to a healing move because he's a cleric

The thing that separates Crick from them is that neither Emerald nor Gus really have moves to further support their leads on the level that Crick does. Emerald is fast and he breaks well and Gus is clearly meant to be the DPS of Agnea's Chapter 1, but again - Crick has moves tailor-made for Temenos to go off and do his thing

You lose Pirro and Scaracci/ Rai Mei and Ritsu after the intro and none of them really complement the Throné and Hikari and vice versa as much as Crick and Temenos do with each other

The difference with them too is that they have established relationships with their lead characters prior to the story, sometimes even encountered as antagonistic forces

Pirro, Rai Mei, and Ritsu are all bosses that were once considered close comrades of Throné and Hikari

Scaracci displays mutinous traits throughout Throne's Chapter 1

Emerald subverts this by acting mutinous - which, his conflict with Osvald amounted more to a sacrifice of goodwill

He knows Osvald and how he acts even prior to the beginning of Chapter 1, so he's in this category of having an established relationship

Gus averts this completely by just being a genuinely supportive part of Agnea's life

Mechanically, you never have anything to do with these characters again past Chapter 1 - save for Rai Mei and Ritsu being bosses. Hikari's companions also play an integral narrative role in his final chapter, with Ritsu being encountered as a boss again for the final time

Crick is a subversion of all of them in that he doesn't have any direct relationship with Temenos prior to Chapter 1, and though we never use him as a helper character ever again he consistently shows up as an integral part of Temenos's story up until his death in Chapter 3: Stormhail

Weirdly Crick is also the only one out of all of them where the use of Path Actions is required more than once - Osvald has to Scrutinize Emerald at one point

AND GODDAMNIT OF COURSE THE FIRST AND LAST TANGIBLE INTERACTION WE HAVE WITH CRICK IS TO FUCKING GUIDE HIM I'M SO MAD ABOUT THIS BOOKEND IT'S SO MEAN AKSJKAS

And this in itself makes complete sense given that he has larger roles to play outside of Chapter 1 - just not in the same vein as Ritsu or Rai Mei, but the fact is that Temenos's story is VERY good at establishing and building up chemistry between its characters

bUT FOR MECHANICS WE NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN AFTER CHAPTER 1?? THEY WENT SO HARD AND I WANT TO KNOW WHY

- It's not as big of a deal as it looks but I also find it funny just how much fun the devs seemed to have with Crick's introduction and entry into the party - using the Path Action to fucking TROLL with him.

- ON THAT NOTE, LET ME FREAK OUT OVER GUIDE AS A PATH ACTION A LITTLE MORE

I saw a post on Reddit earlier about the 'summoning townspeople' Path Actions and it kind of shook my world a little, so I'll just put my response to it here

For a guy who makes it a point to tell people not to follow anything blindly it's INCREDIBLY hilarious to me that Temenos's Path Action is getting people to follow him blindly.

MECHANICALLY, it's because he's the designated cleric. Temenos has Guide, because Ophilia has Guide. But thematically it's interesting to think about just how antithetical it is to his central creed of doubting, and how this specifically applies to Crick.

I did go back and check and yeah - Crick's one of three individual people I was able to find over the course of the stories that has a required Path Action used on them more than once.

Malaya is one other example with Inquire, and she even one-ups him with one use of Soothe. And I'll get to HER when I get to Castti's essay - I mean infodump - because it's like. Somehow even MORE heartbreaking than this instance of Guide

While I'm here I'll also mention Roque, who also has two instances of a Path Action used on him, namely Purchase and Hire in Partitio's Chapter 5

But back to the dramatic aspect of it it's like. I really want to shake the devs because it's so mean of them to have Temenos's relationship with him begin by guiding him towards not only the cathedral but to a healthier way of thinking, and to end with Crick's fucking GHOST leading Temenos to the crucial truth that he's lost so many people to find, including Crick himself

- I won't scrutinize everything about the cleric class itself but I WILL talk about the EX Skills, because to me it's ironic just how mean they are. I'm glad that the irony isn't lost on the fanfic writers like I see you guys use these as fanfic titles - bless you all

First - Prayer for Plenty, the sequel's answer to how absolutely fucking broken Saving Grace was as a passive in the first game. Limiting it to JUST Temenos's natural moveset feels like it should be sending a message honestly - it's a way to prolong the lives of his comrades and he couldn't do that for the ones he held dear in his own story. Can't help but feel like the fact that this is the one he gets from AELFRIC'S SHRINE rubs salt in the wound - no pun intended -

Secondly is Heavenly Shine and it's like. It's a holy nuke filled with divine power that drains Temenos's magic reserves completely. He invokes Aelfric's name when he uses it to and to this day I think the reason it feels cathartic to use is because it feels like a manifestation of Temenos's wrath

Unlike Osvald's own magic kamehamehadouken nuke where he learned it out of a need to protect Elena, Temenos learns this AFTER his story - and maybe it's just my concern speaking but man I really want this to represent his sheer need to go absolutely fucking apeshit like my man is NOT in a good place after his story is done

- This is the part where I go into the tinier, 'definitely stretching this past the realm of MATTERING' details that actually have something to do with the game mechanics

Some of Temenos's class lines are reminiscent of Crick's own. We've drawn the comparison with Temenos's Sweeping Cleave line already and it's adorable

Temenos Sweeping Cleave [insert handshake emoji] Crick Sacred Slash: I'll cleave you in twain!

Reaching even further here. His lines for Lux Congerere and Sacred Effulgence also somewhat invoke Crick's declaration of 'cleaving the shadows from this world', but it's not exact and I'm just indulging

Lux Congerere: Banish the shadows from this world!

Sacred Effulgence: Aelfric, banish the shadows from this world!

I'd also be extremely remiss to NOT mention the recruitment of Ort in postgame and it physically hurts me to summon him because of the way he says 'I will avenge you, Crick!' like DUDE. Oh well at least he's grieving healthily

Sacred Slash brothers let's gooo

There's like. No way that I'll be able to fit all of this in my other thoughts about Crick that are dedicated mostly to his and Temenos's arcs so. It's like not even in a ship sense anymore even if I do think they're fruity as hell

Honestly I'm just glad to get this all out of my system EXCEPT THERE'S MORE, because Temenos's story loves to torture my brain and its themes resonate with me a bit TOO much

#octopath #octopath traveler 2 #temenos mistral #crick wellsley #vir rambles about octopath yet again #this time - FOR WAY LONGER THAN IS NECESSARY #these aren't even like half the overall thoughts i have about crick #let alone TEMENOS #i honestly don't know why it matters to me this much #it's kind of scary lmao #this is why i should talk to people more #shoutout to jae for some of the lines here because there really was no better way of putting it #temenos why are you such a STICK #ot2 spoilers

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infernalodie · 1 year

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𝐈𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐄𝐥𝐬𝐞 || 𝐋𝐞𝐱𝐢 𝐇𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝

“𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘮𝘦 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘺, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵“

Pairing: Lexi Howard x Male!reader

ilomilo series

Summary: Did I ever say that you’re unpredictable?

(gif used is not mine)

Warnings: Angst

Words: 969

I wasn’t much of an optimist before. Really, I was just in the background of some rather sleazy drama flic that was beyond human comprehension or believability. And realistically, I preferred being the side character or extra. Helped me blend in and just be another face no one would ever think about again.

And that was a helpful trait with keeping “updated” on your life. Before work, you would go to the coffee shop down the street. Talk to the waitress, someone you must know from the daily schedule you’ve made before walking back and taking over for one of your coworkers. From there, on breaks, you just take a small walk two blocks and visit a comic book store whilst the old lady who owns the store covers for you.

From what I could tell, you preferred DC over Marvel. But just a quick Instagram search and I’m available to all the little bits about you. A music enthusiast, a comic geek, and a movie critic. None of the posts have a caption to capture what you were feeling when uploading them. But I can quickly tell that most kids in East Highland don’t have the same likings as you. Comments on these posts come from followers that do though, and they must be enough for you to say ‘fuck you’ to the rest of the world and post what you want.

And I know we have a date at 8 PM, but I just needed to see you. Can you blame me though? It’s important that I learn these things so we can talk and naturally get to know one another. This is fine. I’m taking things slower than I had in the past. I want this to be special compared to what it was like with Fez. You are special. You are different. And you are beautifully sweet with Maddy-

Wait. What the fuck?

What the hell is she doing at your work?

I know for damn sure that she is heavy into music like you or I, so why is she here, Y/n? From what I can see, you don’t seem all too impressed with her being our space as well. Brows furrowed and eyes narrowed in a glare as she spoke sweet nothings. It was despicable honestly. If I didn’t know any better, I would think that she’s just being friendly. But I know my friend and I know that in the time of her dating your brother, you two got to know one another. Now, on and off you two would talk, but she never went out of her way to show up at your work. So, what’s the change of heart?

Maddy moved around the counter, lips twisted in a smile that rivalled your unimpressed deadpan that looked incredibly attractive. “C’mon, Y/n. How long have we been at this?” Maddy inquired, stopping when she stood by your side. “We can just sneak into the office. Get a quick fuck in.” She closed the space, lips pressing to the edge of your jaw. “You are so much bigger than your brother.”

Listen, I have no problems with Maddy. Did she pull some stupid shit sometimes? Abso-fucking-lutely. Has she had a rough go when it came to your brother? Yes. But she is delusional. The whole argument she had with your brother in the hot tub is a testament to that and I think you know that as well.

So, what the fuck is her play here?”

“Maddy, it’s not a good idea,” you protested. “I’m not afraid to say that I am scared of Nate. I know what he’s done to you and Jules. Have you ever thought of what he might do to me if he found out we’ve been fucking?”

A groan fell from the girl’s lips. “He’s not going to find out, Y/n. I have no reason to tell him shit,” Maddy sighed, lips twisting in a grin. “C’mon. It’ll be fun. I’ll let you be rough.” With her hands finding yours, she began to pull and guide you, and you allowed it.

God, seeing her this dick whipped over you was insulting. Well, maybe not for you but you aren’t a guy to just throw yourself around. You were quiet, reserved, charismatic, and goddamn adorable when you didn’t mean to be.

This isn’t you. You aren’t the type to just give up on your job just to go get laid. This didn’t make any fucking sense. And even if I move down the sidewalk and try to get a better angle, I can’t see jackshit inside that office. Not to mention the sun glare coming right back at me.

I’m too exposed out here. If I can’t see you, that means I don’t know if you’ve noticed me or not. But this just means I have reasoning for Maddy’s clinginess to you. A manipulative, selfish, stupid bitch. I won’t let her do this to us. I won’t let her get between us right when I finally enter your life. I just have to figure out what I am going to do next, and I don’t yet have the faintest clue as to what that may be.

But what I do know is that this sharing shit isn’t going to work. If it be with someone more competent and maybe shared the same love I have for you, then this would be different. Because maybe I could love someone just as much as I love you. Except, this is reality and I won’t be doing any 60/40 bullshit. You are meant for me. We are meant for one another and Maddy is forcing herself into the perfect frame we are making together.

And somehow, I’m going to need to get her the fuck out of it.

#lexi howard #lexi howard euphoria #lexi howard x reader #lexi howard x y/n #lexi howard x male!reader #lexi howard x male reader #lexi howard imagine #lexi howard fanfiction #x male reader #euphoria x male!reader #euphoria #euphoria hbo #euphoria imagine #lexi howard angst #maddy perez #fuck nate jacobs

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hazelnut-u-out · 1 year

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episode review time....

(contains spoilers for "ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation")

let me preface this by saying i love rick and i do not want to sound like a hater lol.

i'm not even gonna pretend to be enthralled by the prospect of breaking this episode down. it was good, even great in a lot of ways, but... it broke a part of me, i think.

i feel betrayed. i feel morty's heartbreak. i really do.

it was a decent exploration of rick attempting to heal while he's not ready yet. he's not ready to move on and get better if it's going to be hard work.

...and honestly? i'm angry with him for that.

i'm angry with rick for victim blaming morty, yet AGAIN. for acting entitled to morty's forgiveness. for lying and tricking that little boy into thinking someone real cared about him.

for dragging a 14yo into something this heavy. this destructive. this reckless. this unforgiving and all-consuming.

GOD i am so sick of this. i'm all for rick's healing, but why is it being put before morty's every time? i mean... i get that there's four more seasons to go. morty has plenty of time to be given justice, but... i feel so bad for him.

i think i'm giving it a 7.5/10 after a rewatch because it really was wonderfully and realistically written.

i don't want to come across as too harsh, because i definitely do sympathize with rick. i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to break the audience. i think that's a wonderful tool of art. nor do i think protagonists have to be good. it's just a harsh reality that your beloved protagonist is destined to be the villain in the story, though, and i feel like that's what rick is fated to be for morty.

i attribute most of my negative feelings towards my morty bias and my emotional attachment to the last episode.

okay... general thoughts, as always:

-is it bad to say i prefer rick bot over real rick? because, uhhh... i do. he wove his way into my heart by the end of all of this. poor dude. he really loved his family. i kinda wished we could've kept him around.

why couldn't we?

give morty a decent grandpa challenge: go!

i think he's my new favorite rick aside from c-137. what a badass wholesome peepaw of a dude!!!

-morty loves his family so damn much, and it feels like none of them have really earned that from him. he wants his family to have a nice christmas, even if his is going to shit.

-morty crying when curtis yelled at him made me tear up.

"he's busy and i hate him!"

it's just the last little thing he needed to break down. he's a little kid who's having the worst christmas imaginable, and... no one cares about fixing that for him.

other than rick bot.

-i actually loved the moment where rick says he'll get "neurotypical cooties," and implies that neurotypicals aren't creative. casual autism rep lol.

-rick victim blaming morty once again... ugh... bro just immediately regressed.

all morty had to do was say he was "boring." rick just proved that he'd have pulled another "the vat of acid episode" if he hadn't made rick bot.

how many hurtful things do you think you've said to morty, rick? bc i can guarantee it's a million times more hurtful than anything you've ever heard come from morty's mouth. especially "boring."

tbh... i think that it might say something about his character that he didn't do that, and he chose to give morty a better grandpa instead, but also...

ouch.

i know it's a statement about how he needs to tie up his unfinished business before he can move on and really put in the work, but... morty must just feel like he's not worth the effort of apologizing.

the man that morty follwed down into that lab isn't the one who said "i'm sorry." he's not the one that said "i love you too." he's not the one who hugged morty.

the man who said those things is not the grandpa that morty chose all the way back in "solaricks."

morty is consistently willing to put the work into helping rick, but he's constantly shown that rick can't be bothered to put the effort into helping him.

-the fact that morty felt bad for yelling at rick? i just wanted to tell him that he has a right to be upset...

-notice how not one member of the family mentions morty's absence from the holiday family time? yikes...

poor little guy.

i think this is why that reveal bothered me so much... he thought someone real cared about him. he thought a real person cared about saying "i'm sorry. i love you too." to him.

but no.

-what's even more heartbreaking? he learned to care about rick bot. that was the grandpa he wanted, but he doesn't even get to choose that, anymore.

"i don't want another you!"

-bro rick just won't let up. the lightsaber bit? GOD, man. just let the kid have a moment.

-something is so comically wrong with rick's ability to create AI systems lmao. they're always so sassy and go against his orders. the garage? the car? dude... maybe rethink your stance on AI autonomy. you're giving it more freewill than you allow your grandson.

-i literally can't even be upset with morty for being angry with rick. i'm here for it. smoke his ass, lil junebug!

-poor rick bot trying to come clean to his family. that guilt sure did eat him alive :((

look at him with his girls... :(

i guess that explains his softer voice acting for last ep and this ep. he's just a completely different rick.

-it kept making me upset that rick demonized morty over and over again for trying to stick up for himself. it was really hard to watch him not even try to pretend to care about earning morty's trust, respect, and forgiveness.

he HONESTLY thinks he's entitled to it.

-MORTY!! YOU ADORABLE LITTLE BADASS!

-curtis is such an ass lmao. gay icon.

-noticed these gay lil soldiers. ship them!!

-I. LOVE. RICK. BOT.

go dude, go!! he's honestly so sweet... i'm going to genuinely, deeply mourn this character.

-haha, how cute is it that morty acts like a little adventure expert? "slowly closing door! slide!"

-poor rick bot... suicidal ass :(

-dude, morty just cannot catch a break, huh?

"i've always wanted to fight with a lightsaber, but not like this! you ruined it!"

every time i think this kid is gonna get a piece of his childhood back, it's like... nope!

-the joke about the robot with lightsabers for eyes was actually so funny.

-okay, okay... the slow motion scenes WERE hilarious. i must admit.

-it broke me when morty said he was done with forgiveness... especially to see him follow rick down to that lab just a few moments later...

will he ever stop hoping that people can be better? will he ever stop sacrificing himself to his own detriment?

one thing about morty? he's gonna try to do the right thing. the noble thing.

-ugh... poor morty... i hate the fact that this pushed him to trust rick again. i hate the fact that he had to lose rick bot.

and rick twisting the meaning of rick bot's words, too? i don't think rick bot meant for rick to offer to drag morty into this.

oh, well... i can just tell this dynamic in s7 is going to be harrowing. morty just wants to believe his grandpa can be good. i hope he can :(

-lmao why is rick essentially curtis's tech sugar daddy? slay i guess?

-this ending scene is heartbreaking. morty once again a slave to his grandpa's madness? so obviously terrified? morty's just a kid, and what an unfair choice to force him to make...

"it's going to take over your life, morty!"

"it's the most painful shit i've ever been through and i'm fucking bringing you into it, because you asked for it!"

did he ask for it...? crying and sobbing.

i am super excited for the new season, though! it seems like they're gonna be ballsy and make it hyper-serialized when in comparison to the rest of the show, which... hell yeah!!

i guess i'm both excited and anxious to see what they do to my boys, though. i really need them to heal and work together. i was really starting to hope that rick was starting to treat morty like a partner- or, at least, a kid who's feelings, wants, and needs matter just as much as his own.

just like morty to lay himself upon the altar so that rick may bathe in his blood- a fitting sacrifice. a noble end.

i'm about to custom make a tee with morty's face on it that just says: "SAVE THE BABY 2023"

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation #rick and morty spoilers

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darklinsblog · 2 years

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The Other Woman | Sandman Imagine

Summary: Morpheus has an affair while still being married to Calliope

Pairing: Morpheus x Human! Reader

Part II

You didn’t plan on falling in love, you had never liked the idea of love honestly, too scared to trust, to have feelings for someone and still getting heartbroken.

When Morpheus’ came into your life, it had started as something innocent, a friendship even, but soon romance seemed to sneak upon your interactions, with glances, touches, comments.

It felt natural, it was the first time where you just got carried away, let things happen.

There was a kiss, then there were more, there were romantic details, a rose, a dinner, a letter.

As you reached the bedroom, everything happened at full speed almost as if from that point forward there was no return.

Morpheus’ was an attentive lover, from the first time you two crossed the physical line it was as if he had gone under a spell.

Unable to get his hands off you, thinking of you every second.

Thinking back on it, you just couldn’t understand, there truly were no signs of Morpheus’ living another life, with all your heart you believed this man was only devoted to you.

But as you stood in the pouring rain, in front of this house, seeing the image of a woman and Morpheus’ talking softly, as she had a gorgeous ring in her hand, you realized, just how foolish you had been, the married couple shared a short kiss, but to you it felt like forever as your heart shattered into a million pieces.

Then, Morpheus noticed your presence from the window, by the look on your face it wasn’t hard to tell you had seen it all.

Seeing him get out of the house to chase after you made you angry and sad, you started running wanting to escape this, the reality of the situation hitting you like a ton of bricks. Suddenly there was no more air in your lungs, your limbs felt tense and heavy.

“Y/N!” Morpheus’ exclaimed as he caught up with you, yanking your arm to finally face him, you screamed trying to squirm away from his touch.

The same touch you longed for, the touch that had once brought you comfort and safety now felt poisonous under your skin.

“You’re a liar! Don’t fucking touch me!” You urged as you cried, Morpheus felt the knot on his throat, the tears started forming in his eyes.

“Sweetness, please” he begged you, not really knowing what he was supposed to beg you for, for you to let him explain? To forgive him? To not hate his guts?

Maybe all of the above.

“You fucking piece of shit you enamored me and for what, huh? ‘Cause you needed an escape or was it just because you could?!” You interrogated him feeling your insides bubble with anger, the thunders rumpled in the midnight sky, almost in sync with your emotions.

“None of that. It was never my intend to fall in love with you” he try to defend himself while knowing in his heart his actions had no valid reason, there wasn’t a justification to the pain he caused.

“Never your- WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP? YOU HAD EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO TELL ME AND YET YOU CHOSE TO DRAG ME TO WHATEVER THE FUCK WAS WHAT YOU WANTED!” You were screaming so loud you were hurting your vocal chords but there was no pain that could compare to this moment.

“You came at a… complicated time in my life, but everything that we shared was true”

“Complicated? You call a wife… complicated?” You huffed, your tears had mixed with the rain, you could not believe what you were hearing, it seemed to just get worse and worse.

“Y/N you, us… was never only a quest for pleasure, I am bound to a crumbling marriage. You are the one I desire, the one I love” Morpheus’ said, now holding your hands in his, looking at you directly, thinking his words would soften you.

You let go of his hands after he was done talking an slapped him across the face with all your strength, with all your rage that couldn’t be explained with words.

“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I desire you” you spat in his face, breaking his heart, but you couldn’t hurt him more than he already had done with you.

“I do not wish to lose you” he whispered making you scoff.

“Thing is that you already have. Even if I wanted to believe you, how could I trust a single word that comes from your mouth?” Morpheus’ stayed awfully silent, he looked at you with deep regret, knowing he didn’t have the answers you seek.

You sighed, knowing this was the end. You reached from behind your neck and unclipped the necklace Morpheus’ had given you months ago, ever since he put it on you, you hadn’t taken it off.

Until now.

Your lover looked at you wide eyed, knowing what the gesture meant as you placed the necklace in his palm.

As you looked at him and his saddened expression you wished to say something, but no words came out and honestly at this point, you had said more than enough.

So, you turned on your heels and left, your steps echoed with the pouring rain. Morpheus’ wished to stop you, he truly did. But in the end, he knew you would just be fooling yourselves, he loved you immensely, more than he loved his wife Calliope, or at least how he used to love her once.

Yet, he knew this was a point of no return, you wouldn’t change your mind and not even with all his power would he be able to erase your memories or revert things as how they once were.

So, he simply stood there, watching you fade away and become just another shadow in the darkness.

Still, Dream knew that if he was given the choice, he would do it all over again, in the blink of an eye.

Tag list:

@emiemiemiii @ladyfairenvale @hungrhay @aurorarevenclaw1927 @adishax @meganmayhem89 @mrs-captainsteverogers @hb8301 @sarahbullet235 @bambooing-shenanigans @queenshelby @characterxreaderimagine @emarich7 @carolcrysis @sister-of-stars @coolsnowker @sandman-33 @jesllianaquilesrolon @supermegapauselouca

#the sandman comics #sandman imagine #sandman netflix #dream of the endless #morpheus dream #sandman x reader #dream of the endless x reader #tom sturridge x reader #sandman shitpost #tom sturridge #morpheus sandman #sandman x y/n #morpheus #morpheus imagines #morpheus x reader #morpheus x you #lord morpheus x reader #lord morpheus

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ladydorian05 · 4 months

Text

A Home for Broken Hearts ~ Chapter 6

Co-written with and headder by @made-ofmemories

So... I took an involuntarly break, by this I mean that I just couldn't bring myself to proof read for the tenth time and actually post the chapter until today.

Anyways, sorry for the wait.

Masterpost

AO3

Chapter 6: In shades of grey with specks of light

“We should get back to work,” Eddie lets out a child-like whine at Steve’s suggestion.

They’re lounging on the couch they bought at the antique store the previous weekend. Steve is sitting with his legs sprawled, if Robin were here she’d no doubt chastise him for ‘man-spreading’. Eddie, on the other hand, is pressed into the corner with both of his legs draped over one of Steve’s thighs. Steve’s hand rests on Eddie’s leg, his thumb absentmindedly tracing patterns against the bare skin of his knee. He’s starting to wonder if Eddie owns a single pair of pants without holes in them, if he does he’s sure he’s never seen them.

“We’ve been working all morning,” Eddie complains, “Plus, my bar means my rules and I say we deserve a longer break.”

Eddie lets his head roll to the side, resting against his shoulder as he looks away from his phone and over to Steve with a pout and honestly, how is he ever meant to argue when Eddie is looking at him like that?

“Alright, fine you win,” Steve says, not putting up much of a fight and settling into his seat. He didn’t really want to move anyway.

The place was starting to come together, it was almost unrecognizable from the construction site Steve had walked in on that first night Eddie had brought him here. Most of the heavy construction work is done, Eddie is hoping they can get whatever is left done without the need for contractors so the place has been quieter than usual for the past few days. Currently it’s just Eddie and Steve, Chrissy and Robin having announced they were going to grab some coffee a few minutes ago.

“Hey look.” Eddie turns his phone towards Steve, dragging him from his thoughts. It’s an instagram page, the instagram page for the ‘broken hearts gallery’ to be precise, “10,000 followers.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah holy shit,” He has his nose buried in his phone again as he resumes scrolling, “And to think it all started with a scrunchie.”

“She texted me, you know.” That grabs Eddie’s attention, phone locked and dropped onto his chest as his focus shifts to Steve, “Heidi, I mean,” He clarifies.

“What did she want?”

“She broke up with Mr. McDreamy, again.”

“Oh.” Eddie’s face drops and a conflicted expression takes over his features, as if he’s trying to appear unbothered but can’t quite hide the disappointment.

“I blocked her number.” Eddie’s features relax again, “The way she spoke to me that day in the bookstore… it kind of reminded me of my mom. I don’t know how I never saw it before.”

“That’s…”

“Pathetic?”

“Not the word I was looking for.” Eddie gives him a soft smile, “I don’t think you’re pathetic. I do think your mom sounds like an asshole though, no offense.”

Steve huffs a laugh, always straight to the point.

“None taken, but if you think that’s bad wait until you hear about my dad.”

“Ah parental trauma, we’re getting into the real shit now,” Eddie says, tone lighter than the subject matter would suggest, “Tell me about them.”

“They weren’t really around much for most of my childhood or teenage years, business trips mostly. My dad was a cheating asshole and my mom didn’t trust him enough to let him go anywhere on his own. I don’t know why she put up with him honestly.”

He remembers feeling so lonely more than anything. Something all the nannies when he was a little kid and parties he’d throw as a teenager could never fill, “He wanted me to run the family business. I never wanted that, I didn’t know what I wanted at that point but I knew I wanted to do something that made me happy instead of following their expectations. My highschool grades were average at best and the thought of me attending community college, well, they didn’t like that very much either. They kicked me out in the end.”

He doesn’t talk about his parents much, never feels the need to. Aside from Robin there’s only a handful of people who even know anything beyond the fact he no longer has contact with them. But he trusts Eddie and sharing these things feels so natural.

“I’m glad you didn’t listen to them.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You deserve to be happy.” The sentiment makes his heart swell. For all his goofing around and occasionally brash personality, Eddie had a sweeter side that Steve was starting to notice would creep to the surface every now and again. He liked it.

“They’re kind of the reason I started collecting stuff. We had this huge house, but it always felt so empty,” The words flow out like water from a tap and Steve doesn’t think he could do much to stop them even if he tried.

He takes a glance at Eddie, wondering if he’s still paying attention. He’s leaning forward, twisting one of his chunky rings around his finger, and hanging off Steve’s every word.

“There were never any photos, or knick-knacks, or little mementos from family vacations. It felt like living in a show house. So, I started collecting things from people I cared about and then when I got older, relationships. I Kept them hidden in a box under my bed because I knew my dad would make me throw them out if he found them.”

Eddie is looking right at him with that intense gaze of his. Steve has been on the receiving end of that particular look an increasing amount lately, the kind that makes him feel as though Eddie is staring right into the depths of his soul. It still makes him want to squirm just as much as the first time, though it’s not an entirely unpleasant sensation.

“And here we all thought you were just some crazy hoarder,” Eddie jokes, breaking the tension in the air.

“Well, Robin says I have attachment issues, so.” Steve snorts. “What are your parents like?” He’s cautious, not wanting to push despite his curiosity. He knows Eddie lived with his uncle for a while and he’s never mentioned his parents so he isn’t expecting a happy story.

“My mom died when I was a kid. My dad, well, while all the other dads were teaching their kids how to play baseball he was teaching me to hotwire cars and pick locks.” He chuckles dryly, no amusement behind it, “He’s in jail now. Shocker.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ve been with Wayne since I was 11, he’s my real family.” He shrugs with a smile, the same fond smile he always has when he talks about his uncle.

“I get it. I have someone- well several someones- like that too.”

“The kids?”

Steve nods, “Partly, remember El and Will?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, Will has an older brother, Jonathan. We weren’t close at the time, it’s uh, a long story.” Understatement of the century, “But, he found out about my parents kicking me out and it turned out he’s a better person than I ever gave him credit for. He convinced his parents to take me in for a while. They helped me out until me and Robs could get a place of our own. They’re better parents to me than my biological ones ever were.”

He shifts in his seat, careful not to jostle Eddie too much. The weight of his legs over his is nice, grounding almost.

“Whoever said you can’t choose your family was a liar.”

Steve hums in agreement. The kids, Joyce, Hopper and hell, even Jonathad had been the ones to fill his monotonous gray life with light.

He should call Joyce, it’s been a while since he heard her voice, Hopper’s too. A pang of guilt hits him at the thought, though he knows they’d never get mad at him for it. His gaze wanders along with his thoughts, lingering on the corner behind Eddie dedicated to all of Steve’s donations.

“Are you really not going to donate anything?”

“Hmph?”

“The gallery, are you going to make a donation?” Steve repeats as Eddie tucks his phone into his pocket, “You’re the only one left. I have, Chrissy has, even Robin has.”

“I told you, I don’t really keep stuff from my relationships.” Eddie shrugs.

“I don’t believe you. You must have kept something.”

“Well, actually.” There’s a moment of realization and then a strange smirk appears on his face, one that screams pure mischief and Steve’s suddenly a little concerned about what he’s just let himself in for, “there is this one thing. ”

“I knew it!” Steve twists his body to better see Eddie, “Will you donate it?”

“Sure, I’ll bring it by later after you’ve picked up Dustin and Max from the airport.”

“Shit, what time is it?” They’d never let him live it down if he was late. He’d lost track of time after they decided to take their break, he has no idea how long they’ve been sitting there.

Eddie looks down to the watch on his wrist then back to Steve, “Nearly 12.”

Steve lets out a groan and worms his way out from under Eddie’s legs, “I gotta go.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah, I know, I know,” He says when he sees Eddie’s expression. He’s pretty sure Eddie would spend the entire day lounging on that couch with him if he could, Steve doesn’t think that would be such a bad way to spend a day either, “I won’t be long. I’ll bring Dustin and Max with me when I come back, okay?”

The airport is busy, even outside where Steve is waiting next to his parked car. It’s Max’s fiery red braids weaving through the crowds that he notices first, one hanging over each shoulder and a pair of sunglasses perched atop her head.

“STEVE!” Dustin’s shout is the only warning he gets before he launches himself in Steve’s direction, tackling him with so much force he stumbles back a few steps, if it wasn’t for his back hitting the car Steve is sure they’d both be flat on their asses.

“Henderson!” Steve chuckles, wrapping one arm around him and using the other to scrub his knuckles across the top of his head which is protected by a cap, “How was your flight, kiddo?”

“The inflight entertainment system didn’t even have Star Wars, can you believe it? What is this?, The 80’s? There’s digital copies everywhere!” He sounds deeply offended, Max just rolls her eyes. It’s good to see that they haven’t changed.

Max steps up to give him a much calmer hug once Dustin has finally let him go. She looks tired when she pulls away, it’s not even 1pm but he has no doubt it’s already been a long day. Travelling has always taken its toll on her whether it was a car journey or a 4 hour flight, he can’t even begin to count how many times she had fallen asleep on the back seat of his car, head resting on Lucas’ shoulder.

They’ve both flown in from LA, their first stop before heading home to their parents for summer break. Max had been itching to get back to California ever since her shitty step father had moved them halfway across the country when she was barely a teen. She’d gotten into UCLA majoring in marine biology and hadn’t looked back since. Dustin made it into Caltech, an offer he couldn’t refuse.

Steve had never been prouder, of all of them, but it had hurt seeing all of his kids scattered across the country. He and Robin had moved to Chicago shortly after, there was nothing left for either of them in their small hometown once the kids were gone.

“Alright, come on shit-heads help me with this stuff we need to get going.” He pops open the trunk and throws in one of the duffle bags from the small pile of luggage that has been dumped on the tarmac.

He isn’t sure who the bag belongs to until Dustin screeches, “Hey be careful with that!”

“Well come help me then!”

The apartment is empty when they get there to drop off Dustin and Max’s belongings. Dustin will be sleeping in Steve’s room and Robin is sharing her room with Max. Steve had drawn the short straw and ended up agreeing to crash on the couch for the week, not wanting to deal with Dustin's snoring, he’s sure his back won’t thank him for it- Christ, he’s getting old.

“Where’s Robin?” Max calls from her room.

“She’s probably still at Hellfire. She left to get coffee with Chrissy before I went to pick you guys up,” Steve calls back from his room where he’s dumping one of Dustin’s bags onto the bed, apparently not carefully enough judging by the wide eyed ‘really?’ expression he gets in return. He shrugs in response.

“Can we go there?” Dustin is trailing after Steve, close on his heels as they head for the living room where Max meets them.

“Sure, do you guys want a minute to settle in first? I know you had a long fli-”

“We can go now,” Max interrupts and Dustin nods enthusiastically.

They’re outside before Steve has even stepped out of the elevator. He shakes his head with a fond smile and follows them.

“What’re you doing?” Dustin is asking Max when he catches up.

“Uh, getting into the car, what does it look like I’m doing?” She replies with a familiar disinterested tone.

“That’s my seat.”

“You sat shotgun on the way here, it’s my turn.”

“Steve, tell her!”

“She’s right.” He shrugs, still smiling. He really has missed them, petty arguments and all, “You can sit up front on the way back.”

Dustin huffs about the seating arrangement a little at first but for the most part it's peaceful on the short drive to Hellfire, the sound of the radio drowned out by the overlapping chatter and bombardment of questions directed at Steve. Will Eddie be there? What’s he like? Is he as cool as you said he is? Have you told him about us? What did you tell him about us?

Eddie has, surprisingly, moved from the couch when the three of them walk into Hellfire; it's instead occupied by Robin and Chrissy sipping on little paper cups of coffee and sharing a box of pastries that sits on the cushion between them. Robin stands, putting her coffee down in such a rush that some of it spills into the rim of the plastic lid when she sees them.

Dustin tackles her similarly to how he had done Steve earlier and Max wraps her arms around the both of them when Robin beckons her over to join in the hug.

“I missed you both so much!” She has her face pressed into Max’s hair and she’s squeezing them both so tight Steve’s not sure how either of them are breathing.

“Where’s Eds?” Steve asks Chrissy, she’s still on the couch watching the reunion with a soft smile and he speaks quietly so as not to disturb them.

“Eds?” Max breaks away from the hug and turns on Steve with an expression that can only mean trouble. ‘Quietly’ was not quiet enough as it seems. Dustin seems unphased, his attention focused on Robin and the animated conversation they’re having.

Right on cue Eddie appears from wherever it is he has been hiding and Steve breathes a sigh of relief, he’ll escape her grilling and most likely teasing for a little while yet. She won’t forget though, Steve knows that much, he may be free for now but he’s just delaying the inevitable.

“You must be Max.” Eddie is wearing a 1000 watt smile and Steve has to admit it’s endearing to see how excited he is about meeting Steve’s kids, “I’m Eddie, Steve’s told me a lot about you.”

“Nice to meet you.” She extends her hand to shake and Eddie accepts, she glares at him the whole time as if she’s looking right through him. She’s testing him, sizing him up. Steve’s seen her do it a thousand times before. He relaxes just a little bit when they break the hand shake and Max’s expression softens with a nod, not quite a smile, but something close to approval.

“And that leaves, Dustin, right?”

Dustin whips around at the mention of his name, he’s had his back turned to the three of them up until now, catching up with Robin and not paying a lot of attention to whatever it was the rest of the group were up to.

“No fucking way.”

“Dustin!” Steve pinches the bridge of his nose, that was not how he was hoping that particular interaction would begin.

“I knew your voice sounded familiar!” He yells, completely ignoring Steve and vibrating with excitement, jumping up and down on the spot. “I heard you talking in the background when I called Steve sometimes, but I could never figure out why I felt like I knew you.” Dustin’s eyes are so wide Steve’s surprised they haven’t fallen right out of their sockets.

“My- wait. Is your last name Henderson by any chance?”

“Holy shit,” Dustin says and Steve has given up at this point. He’s completely lost and by the looks on the faces of the others he’s not alone, “Eddie, Supreme-DM, Eddie?!”

“The one and only Sir. Dalastor Henderghton.” He bows low and with a flourish of the hand as if he’s introducing himself to royalty.

“Ok, I’m confused,” Robin announces, interrupting whatever it is Eddie and Dustin have going on, “Would one of you like to share with the group? What the hell is happening right now?”

“Do you two know each other?” Chrissy adds with a quizzical tilt of her head.

“We play D&D together online,” Dustin explains, then turns to Steve for backup, “Steve, I told you about him right?”

“Yeah- yeah you told me but I- my Eddie is your Eddie?” Dustin gives a sideways glance at the implication but he doesn’t comment. Steve is sure it’ll be added to whatever teasing he’ll have to endure from Max later over ‘Eds’.

“It’s a small world,” Eddie brings a hand up to pat Dustin’s shoulder before it settles there as if they’re old friends, Steve supposes they are in a way.

“I don’t understand, you’ve seen photos of Dustin before, how did you not recognise him?” Steve’s brow is furrowed, his mind working to keep up as he connects all of the dots.

None of the kids have ever seen photos of Eddie, but Eddie has seen Dustin countless times before, in the photograph on Steve’s dresser and in the countless pictures Steve has on his phone. Granted, a lot of the pictures were from back when they were still teenagers but they hadn’t changed that much, certainly not to the point of being unrecognizable.

“I’ve only ever heard his voice, some of our party members don’t activate their cameras.”

“My laptop doesn’t have a camera.” Dustin smiles sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. Caltech whizz-kid, smartest person Steve knows and he doesn’t own a laptop with a camera, figures.

“I can’t believe I got to meet the person who inspired your character before we even met face to face,” Eddie looks to Dustin and Steve follows his gaze with a single raised eyebrow. Dustin is very pointedly avoiding eye contact with both of them.

“Not cool, man!” Dustin says in a hushed tone, “That was said in confidence and away from the party’s ears for a reason!”

“No one here is part of the party.” Eddie points out. Dustin sighs and covers his face with one hand, rubbing at the corners of his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.

“Are you guys sticking around for a while?” Chrissy interrupts before the conversation can turn into bickering.

Steve looks to Robin who gives a tiny raise of her shoulders, he turns to look between Dustin and Max instead, “It’s up to you guys.”

“Yeah,” Max answers on behalf of both of them, “We can stay.”

“Good, there’s plenty to be done.” Chrissy is smiling, that warm welcoming smile that could convince anyone to go along with anything and Max trails after her without question when she heads towards the meticulously laid out tables and chairs she had been sanding and varnishing earlier. Most of their furniture is second hand, they look for the cheaper beaten up stuff then Chrissy works her magic. ‘Upcycling’ she had called it once.

Eddie leaves with Robin, whispering conspiratorially between themselves as they go. Steve expects Dustin to follow, but he’s just standing there staring at him with a borderline creepy smile on his face.

“Alright, out with it. Let’s get this over with.”

“Your Eddie huh?”

“So, you made a character based on me, huh?” Steve bites back, trying not to sound as smug as he feels. Or as flattered.

He finds the whole thing quite endearing really, and he’s fairly certain he’ll start to tear up if he thinks about it too hard, so he jokes about it instead. A very unhealthy technique for dealing with his emotions that he’s sure he picked up from Robin.

“Shut up.”

“I won’t talk if you don’t.”

“Deal,” Dustin agrees.

“Alright, come on.” He bats the brim of Dustin’s cap as he passes, pushing it down over his eyes.

Eddie and Robin are over by the stage, leaning into each other and giggling like a couple of school girls and he wants to know what has them so amused. They immediately change their tone when they see Steve approaching, Eddie is hiding something behind his back and they’re standing up straighter and trying their best to school their expressions into something more neutral but they’re both terrible at it.

“What are you two up to?” Steve asks, already resigned to whatever shenanigans he’s about to willingly let himself be dragged into.

“Well,” Eddie starts, the word drawn out and dramatic, “remember when I said I had a donation for the gallery?” Steve nods, “I went back to my apartment while you were picking the hobbits up and-”

There’s a pair of handcuffs dangling in front of Steve’s face. Not the cheap kind lined with fluffy faux fur that Steve has seen in the past, no these are made of what seems to be a high quality leather with a chunky buckle on each cuff and a thick silver chain joining them together. They look expensive.

He’s staring, he knows he is and he knows he needs to say something but he can’t seem to find a single word to force out of his clenched jaw. His cheeks are burning, his face is no doubt glowing an embarrassing shade of red. He forgets about Dustin standing by his side until he hears his barely contained snicker and then his eyes are widening, darting between Dustin and Eddie while the panic sets in. The way he sees it he has two options, covering Dustin’s eyes or snatching the cuffs from Eddie… maybe both. Yeah, both. Both is good.

“Dude, you know I’m like twenty now right?” Dustin asks, clearly witnessing the internal struggle Steve is going through and deciding to spare him.

It still feels strange hearing it. Sometimes it’s easy to forget they’re young adults now, no longer the little 14 year old trouble makers he remembers. Hell, Mike is as tall as if not a little taller than him now, most of them have part time jobs and their own apartments.

Steve splutters, still not quite able to find his words, this time it’s Robin who comes to his aid, “Come on, Chrissy is calling for us.”

“What no she-” Dustin screws up his face as if she’s started speaking in another language, he quickly cuts himself off when she gives him a pointed glare, “Oh- actually I think I can hear her now, yeah, see you in a bit Steve we’ll be-” He gestures vaguely in the direction of Chrissy and Max on the other side of the room, ushered along by Robin who throws a wink in Steve’s direction before they go.

“What’s wrong, not into kinky stuff, Harrington?” Eddie asks with a smirk once Robin and Dustin are gone.

“No, no it’s not that,” He says in a rush, “I just didn’t peg you for the type.” He realizes too late his choice of words and Eddie’s face lights up with amusement.

“Oh I’m full of surprises,” It’s barely more than a whisper. Steve isn’t sure when they got so close, but he can feel Eddie’s breath on his cheek as he speaks. He’s gone just as quickly as he appeared, the distance between them growing despite Steve wanting the opposite, “Where should we put them?”

“Are you sure you want to get rid of them?”

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal. I have others and my ex bought these ones.”

Others. Steve gulps, trying not to let his mind wander. It’s ok. He can be normal about this. But all he can think about are the mental images of those leather cuffs wrapped around Eddie’s wrists, or maybe how they’d feel against his own skin and- yeah he is so far beyond being normal about this. God, someone needs to just put him out of his misery before he does something really stupid and messes this whole thing up.

“Right,” He squeaks.

They decide to hang them on the wall in the end, next to the purple scrunchie Steve donated. Robin gives him a knowing look when they join the others and Steve has no doubts that she’s going to want all of the details once they get back to the apartment. He’s not sure he’s ready for that conversation yet.

Eddie only writes ‘He wasn’t the one.’ with no duration of the relationship beside the handcuffs. Steve briefly wonders what it would mean to be his one.

#steddiebigbang2023 #steddie big bang #a home for broken hearts #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #teacher! steve harrington #bartender! eddie munson #robin buckley #chrissy cunningham #max mayfield #dustin henderson #stranger things

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qyuoza · 2 years

Text

Enough for Me (Beomgyu)

“Everything I do isn’t enough, there’s always a problem with me. Everyone just leaves me Gyu, I’m so tired of it all”

Genre: Angst, Comfort

Pairing: Beomgyu x gn!reader

Warnings: Heavy mentions of being suicidal, gaslighting from the other party (neither Beomgyu or reader though), a death of a loved one being mentioned, A LOT of long dialogue

Synopsis: Everyone ended up walking out of your life somehow, and you always seemed to be the problem. Not in Beomgyu’s case though.

Note: I’m so sorry this is all loosely based on a true story that happened to me (not adding too many details) but I swear none of the idols mentioned as mean friends supposedly act like this in person in the story ;; it’s not really fiction either, just some parts are, but I just used people in replacement to get my feelings out the way and through this fic. (also this was proofread and edited as i reread everything)

“Listen Y/n, I just think it’s immature of you to constantly delete your messages. Do you not think we care? You’re almost guilt tripping us in a way, and it’s not like we constantly have time to reply to you, we have important things to take care of outside of our friendship” your friend, Keeho, grit his teeth angrily.

You stood shell shocked at what had just come out of his mouth. Throughout the times you needed your friends most, they were never there for you, and now that your grandmother died they drop a bomb on you? It hadn’t even been a day since she passed.

“Keeho, I don’t want to argue with you so as an explanation, I don’t delete my messages as a form of guilt tripping. It just hurts my head and clogs my brain to see them in the chat, and seeing no replies with it just being there makes me feel even worse like I’m bringing the mood down, so I delete them because I also consider how you guys would feel” you reply quietly, completely avoiding eye contact with everyone else.

“Honestly Y/n, we’re not the best at comforting but we can always listen to you. You just make it seem as though we could care less” your other friend, Nana, quipped.

Why were they doing this to you? You had enough going through your mind and things were slowly escalating into an argument, but you were cornered, it was just you against everyone else at this point and there was already so much to take in.

“Y/n, we care about you ok? I don’t want you talking about killing yourself or that suicidal shit because I care about you. God, stop acting like a depressed piece of shit” Keeho continued to press on.

“I always consider how you guys would feel because I get you’re always so busy with school, but do I beg for you guys to listen? No, because I always put you all before me! Let me be selfish for once. I do not wish for you guys to experience the pain I’m feeling because it’s more important than school!” you say angrily, but kept ground by slouching beside Jeongin on the couch.

“Wow you think I’m doing so well don’t you Y/n?! You’re a fucking idiot, this is why I can’t handle anything when you say shit like that. My family has been going through shit for years and you think you have it so bad!” Winter yells.

“Guys can you give Y/n a break? Fucks sake, someone in the family just DIED and there is still school to think about. Do you not realize that losing a close loved one is a lot to take in? Leave Y/n alone and let things work on their own because there’s can only be so much on someone’s plate” Jeongin sighed, clearly agitated at how your friends were acting like complete idiots by arguing with you at the worst possible moment.

“Y/n you’ve always been the same, you wanna die right now? Fine, and you can have all the space you want, I don’t fucking care. At least come back when you’re mentally stable and respond normally will you?” You remained silent as everyone stared you down.

You were so close to breaking down that you simply ran out and didn’t look back. At least Jeongin was sane enough to call them out. It’s just right now, you needed to find solace in someone who actually cared about you and how you felt about all this rather than how they themselves feel. That’s when your feet led you to the house beside yours, Beomgyu’s.

You bring your hand to knock on the door, but it swings open before you could even land your knuckles on the wood to make the sound.

On the other side stood a worried looking Beomgyu, the male immediately rushing you inside and leading you to the couch, where he gave you a tight hug. That was the last thing you needed before you cracked, and suddenly all the tears you held in are streaming down your face.

“What happened? I heard about your grandmother but I also saw your other friends storming towards your house and now you’re here crying” Beomgyu says sadly.

You wipe your tears and smile off the pain, disregarding it as nothing when you were really at your full capacity with everything going on. There was school to think about, your family, how you were going to cope with everything. It was all too much to happen in less than a day.

Now you weren’t losing your friends, but yourself and just everything that has kept you grounded. Thinking about it, you’ve always been the problem, and even if you’ve tried your hardest to keep everything at peace, it always seemed to be because of you.

“Gyu, they were just agitated with me because I acted immaturely. I’ll spare you the details for now, but I delete my messages, they got mad and I gave them an explanation but then they go and gaslight me which is all too much to handle really” you blabbered as Beomgyu listened intently.

“Y/n, why would you let this happen? I remember you mentioning their lack of response towards you and how you never complained once, but then they go and do this? You don’t deserve any of this when you’ve done no wrong” he replies in a whisper, before bringing you into another hug that you needed so much.

“It’s just a lot, Keeho told me to stop acting like a depressed piece of shit, immediately bringing up my past of being suicidal and then Nana acts like she did so much for me. At least Jeongin cared, can’t say the same about Winter though” you muttered the last part to yourself, but Beomgyu still heard and chuckled.

“Well of course, he’s Jeongin. Not a man of many words but always has the right ones when needed, I’m glad he stood up for you” Beomgyu then got up and handed you a hoodie he found on the loveseat in his living room.

He hands you the hoodie and you take it with a grateful smile. You’ve been through a lot today, and having someone finally comfort and care about you made you feel comfortable to be a bit vulnerable for even just a moment. Beomgyu just felt like home to you.

“Y/n, they were shit friends towards you ok? They’re just mad because they’ve finally realized their mistakes and now that you’re putting yourself first, they think you’re a villan. You’ve spoonfed them too much” he poked your cheek and you almost laughed through your tears, before Beomgyu continued to speak.

“Listen, you are the most selfless person I know, you care so much about everyone else that you’ve reached a point where you pleased them too much, that now you can’t even do the bare minimum for yourself. I’ve seen how you comfort people and it’s in the most gentle way ever, and you actually listen despite the person’s concerns coming in one after another” you take in his words and tears stream down your face again.

“Everything I do isn’t enough, there’s always a problem with me. Everyone just leaves me Gyu, I’m so tired of it all” you sob. You’ve tried to fit in, and now that you do, you’re being pushed away like some freak because you can’t always be the happy go lucky friend.

Beomgyu frowns and pulls you even closer than you thought possible, which almost flustered you a bit, but he continued to comfort you. You just looked so tired, exhausted and sad, it hurt him to see you that way when you’ve been hiding it for the longest time because you felt like a burden towards others, when in reality you most certainly weren’t and never will be.

“You’ve suffered enough Y/n, let everything work by itself. To me, everything you do is enough, it’s enough for me ok? You were there for me during the times I needed someone, you kept me sane and comforted me even when you weren’t doing well by yourself either. Don’t beat yourself up over something that isn’t your fault because they just made you think that way” you nod and wipe your tears.

You knew what he meant. Beomgyu had it just as hard as you are having it now, and you made sure he knew he was heard and had a shoulder to cry on. It wasn’t just him either, you always made way to listen to everyone and tried your best to comfort them in any way you could.

“You know, you always make everyone feel heard, you’re just an amazing person Y/n. Do not ever think one bit that you aren’t enough, you do so much more for everyone, and I’m glad you come to us because we do more than what those other friends of yours could” Beomgyu stared at the photo of you and his other friends on the wall.

Since your friends were almost never available, you felt happy to reach out to Beomgyu and his four other friends, Yeonjun, Soobin, Taehyun and Hueningkai.

They all made you feel safe and heard during the times you had to stay strong for your grandmother, and even if they weren’t the best at comforting sometimes, they still tried, way more than anyone could bring themselves to.

“Thank you Gyu, I feel much better now at least. Can we watch a movie or something with the others? I wanna get my mind off things for awhile” you ask softly. Beomgyu nods at your request and immediately runs to order food and to call the others.

Honestly, you couldn’t ask for anything better, because even if life is shitty, you get stronger and the pain is only temporary.

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blubushie · 1 year

Note

TF2 questions for ya:

Favorite ships if any?

How well do you think you'd get along with the various mercs? Not how much you like em as characters cause I know I very much enjoy Soldier as a character but I could not last 5 minutes in a room with him before we started arguing and it would probably end poorly for me.

I love canon so SoldierZhanna is my only "real" OTP but I basically consider HeavyMedic canon at this point and I enjoy that ship and their chemistry a lot. I also very much enjoy ScoutPauling because Scout's so cringefail but I also want him to be happy and get the girl of his dreams because I'm a sucker for romance and happy endings, and I think he'd be great for helping her relax and have some freedom aside of work. I also enjoy SniperScout because "never shuts up" and "never talks (much)" is a fun dynamic to me.

Favourite crackship is AdminSniper because they're married IRL and I don't think shagging your boss is very professional so it's funny to me. Be professional (except when you're shagging your boss).

How well do you think you'd get on with the mercs?

I kinda covered this here? I'm going to copy-paste some of that but also add more because reasons.

Scout: His incessant yabbering would probably get on my nerves at points but it'd also mean I'd always have someone to talk to. We could discuss baseball and shit. His idiocy is endearing to me and I would constantly take the piss out of him in subtle little ways that he probably wouldn't even notice. Probably easily impressed too. I could skip a rock and he'd sing my praises and I appreciate a little ego stroking (and I'd laugh my arse off when he goes "Pssh, I can do that to" and the rock immediately sinks). Honestly I'm just a sucker for rays of sunshine. I enjoy peoplewatching so I'd love to take him camping and sit down in a folding chair with a beer and watching him try to figure out how to pitch the tent (and then be surprised when he finds out I don't usually even use a tent).

Soldier: Reminds me of my dad. I'd like to get in his head and talk about the military and shit (not that he ever actually was in it, but still). Would take him off-roading but end up dumping him like an unwanted dog when he breaks my Hula Girl.

Pyro: Scares me. Would still do a tea party with him and let him dress me up in a skirt or paint my nails even but only if he promises not to chop my hand off or start a bushfire. Would kill to be a badass and light a dart off his flamethrower. Also would just enjoy reading to him as long as he doesn't tell me to slow down.

Demoman: So many stories. Would love to share a bottle of single malt Scotch with him. I need him to rate my mixology skills (of which there are none. I can make a screwdriver and that's it, but I try). Would love to discuss chemistry with him and have him show me how to make [redacted by the ATF]. I don't know much about Scotland so I've love to discuss legends and cryptids native to our homelands. I can cover two countries!

Heavy: Would like to discuss Russian literature with him. Gives me "alcohol and heavy machinery weapons don't mix" vibes so I probably wouldn't be able to drink with him, but I'd love to discuss books and philosophy and hang shit on communists and go shooting with him. Bonus points if he lets me shoot literally any of his miniguns.

Engineer: He makes me wish I was taller so I could tease him about it. Bonus points if we're just the same height because that's even funnier. "I'm short but I've been told I'm Spiritually Tall, therefore I'm taller than you." Also if he wouldn't mind a little extra work I'd let him have a butcher's at Matilda to find out why her engine makes that ticking noise sometimes when I got over a hundred. I'm not very smart with machinery (my greatest achievement is making a battery out of a lemon) but I'd love to hear him explain it to me even though I wouldn't understand a goddamn bit of it.

Medic: Bloody hell you have no idea how much I wish I was mates with him. Look at my blog and is it any wonder? Oh, to be his assistant for just one day. I've got steady hands! We can discuss bush medicine and natural toxins and all kinds of weird drugs and a million other things. Would let him scar me. I want him to literally rearrange my guts and chat with him all the while because I'd be awake and watching and asking dumb questions like "Is that my appendix?" despite knowing fully well that it's on the other side behind my liver and not my stomach just to hear him correct me. I want him to praise me on the condition of my heart and liver and then backhand me about the condition of my lungs despite me not inhaling. I should've listening to my parents and gone to medical school.

Sniper: ...Aheh. The bush is lonely and bushmen have a tendency to stick together (when we aren't at each other's throats threatening to kill each other territory). I want to make him brekkie with something I hunted (or fished) and we could talk firearms and snares and wildlife and Australia and stars and whatever else. I want to do shrooms and DMT with him. I want to hear the story of every scar he has, I want to exchange stories of our time in the bush and Outback, I want to ride horses with him and have him be my muster mate for just one ride. I want to hear about the world and all the places I've never been from the eyes of someone who gets it like I do. He is the only person I would ever allow to shoot my rifle.

Spy: French, incredibly obnoxious, but I'd still like to be mates with him. I'd love to hear his stories of espionage and women and jobs gone wrong and jobs gone right. I want to sit in his smoking room in a silk smoking robe and enjoy the finer side of life for a while. I want to smoke a $6000 Cuban cigar and taste its flavour on my tongue and chase it with a sip of Scotch that's so rich I'll dream about it for years to come and cost more money than I'll ever see in my lifetime. I want to indulge and discuss tobacco and fine liquor and antique revolvers. Only bloke I'd ever dress up for and I'd put up with him taking my measurements for a suit.

#blu whos #tf2 #sniperposting

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total-lunareclipse4 · 2 years

Text

🌜Broken strings and an accidental wingman🌛

pairing: eddie munson x female! reader

summary: after Dustin, the kid you’re babysitting, breaks one of the strings of your bass, you make him pay for another. Oddly enough, Eddie Munson happened to be at the same shop as you at the same time as you.

warnings: none! i find this very fluffy what can i say

word count: 1.6k ish

It was the second time this month. What was annoying you the most was the fact that this time it hadn’t even been your fault. You had warned Dustin not to play with it, but he’d done it anyway and now you were both paying the prize.

“Shit!” You heard him say from downstairs, immediately knowing what exactly had been the cause of his profanity.

There went your afternoon of studying, one that you frankly quite needed. You almost had told Mrs. Henderson that you were busy and couldn’t watch her son, but you enjoyed having Dustin around, even when he did stuff like this.

“You little bastard, if what I think just happened actually happened I will gut you and use your intestines as jewelry!” You shouted from the bottom of the stairs as you made your way up toward your room.

“I’m sorry!” Dustin yelled back.

Standing in front of your bedroom door, you tried opening it only to realize that it had been locked from the inside.

“Are you serious? Open up.” You gave the door handle a couple of aggressive turns.

“No. You’re gonna kill me, and I like my intestines right where they are.”

“C’mon, Henderson. That was a joke. When have I ever physically hurt you?”

“Last time you came over to my house, and the week before that, and also every single time we’ve seen each other since the first time my mom hired you.”

You gave the door a few knocks, “You’re over exaggerating, you know I love you. I could never truly hurt you. C’mon, I just wanna see how bad it is.” The softer tone of your voice was enough to assure him that his life wasn’t at stake (for now) so he let you into your own room.

The door opened slowly, Dustin was still on high alert and wanted to be able to shield from you if you decided to attack. Behind his frame, you saw your beloved bass, which was now missing a string.

A few days ago you’d gone over to the boy’s place while his mother was away enjoying a bingo night, and that’s when you’d noticed a pile of folded clothes that didn’t belong to him sitting on his bed.

“Whose are they?” You’d inquired.

He’d then gone on telling you about how he’d accidentally broken one of the strings of his friend’s guitar while trying to play a few chords. And now he had to do his laundry for a month in return. He’d wash the clothes, iron them, fold them, and give them back to his friend in school.

At the time, you had found it comical, and you had also forbidden him from touching your bass, worried it might suffer the same fate if touched by Dustin’s lethal hands.

As usual, he’d completely ignored you and now here you both were.

“I will do your laundry for a month,” he said, stealing a chuckle from you.

“How did you even manage to do this? You weren’t even playing. Dustin, I literally just had that string replaced.” The anger had washed away, leaving room for your amusement, honestly the whole situation was sitcom worthy.

“I don’t know, I grabbed it because I wanted to see how heavy it was and then it happened. I’ll wash your clothes for two months,” he upgraded his offer.

“No way, kiddo. You’re buying me a new string, I don’t want you near my clothes.”

And with that, you headed back downstairs after making him promise he wouldn’t break any more of your stuff.

…

“All I’m saying is that I’ve been left home alone since I turned ten, I’ve gone days without showing by and nothing’s ever happened to me! I don’t understand why I need a babysitter, I’m in high-school now, it’s humiliating,” Dustin was rambling from the passenger seat, giving you the same speech he gave you every once in a while. It was unprompted, too. He just liked to complain about his mother’s decisions.

“Maybe it’s exactly because of that, kiddo. Ever think of that? If you didn’t wander off for days without letting your mom know you’re alive, she wouldn’t think you need someone to watch over you to prevent that from happening.” You had reached the music store and were now trying to find a place to park. Every single spot was taken, not that there were many of them.

“Ugh, asshole! I’m definitely keying that person��s car once we leave.” A van was occupying two spots at once, when it clearly could’ve fit in one.

“Uhh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” came the voice from the boy beside you.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m pretty sure that’s Eddie’s van. He’s not gonna like it if you do that.”

“Who the fuck is Eddie?” You replied annoyed. Dustin was surprisingly cooperative when it came to your crazy illegal ideas, and you didn’t like that he was putting obstacles in your way now.

“The friend whose guitar I also broke. I’ve told you about him.”

“Fine, whatever, I’ll castrate him then. Let’s just get this over with quickly.”

You drove a little further and found a spot that was close enough. Both of you made your way into the shop and you were soon surrounded by the walls of the familiar building. Walking past the tapes and into the back with Dustin following behind, you noticed a few familiar faces that tended to frequent the store just as much as you did. You gave some people friendly nods before finally arriving at the part where strings for various instruments were stored. Knowing exactly which one to grab, you wasted no time in walking back toward the cash register, wanting to pay as soon as possible so as to not get tempted into buying things you didn’t need.

Even with the extra money you were making from caring for Dustin, you still needed to save if you were going to take that trip at the end of the school year.

Giving the cashier the item you needed, you turned around to ask Dustin to take out his wallet and pay for it, but his attention was elsewhere.

You followed his line of sight, only to realize he was staring at someone. From behind, he didn’t look like anyone you’d seen before. Dark curly hair fell down his back, covering a good portion of his leather jacket.

As if on cue, he turned around and revealed his face. His eyes lit and his lips twirled, he began walking your way for whatever reason and you couldn’t do anything but stare.

“Henderson, fancy seeing you here,” he said to Dustin. Apparently they knew each other.

“Hey, Eddie. How’ve you been?” The name clicked inside of your brain, anecdotes and stories mushing together. So this was the guy Dustin wouldn’t shut up about.

“You’re Eddie?” You stopped him from replying to Dustin’s question.

As if he’d gained consciousness of you being there, he eyed you up and down, taking his time.

“The one and only, Edward Munson, and you are?”

“You’ve heard me talk about her before, she’s the one who plays bass,” Henderson replied for you. The wheels seemed to be turning in his brain as well, same as it had happened to you. Considering how much Henderson talked about the guy standing in front of you, it wouldn’t surprise you if he’d talked about you to him just as much. You just wished you could know what things exactly he’d chosen to share.

“Ah, the famous babysitter. We meet at last.” He bowed. Eddie was oddly charming, but you tried to keep your smile from appearing. You still hadn’t forgotten about the van incident.

“Don’t annoy her too much, she already said she wants to castrate you,” said Dustin before turning around and giving the annoyed cashier the money she had been waiting for since the interaction between you three began.

“Sweetheart, if you wanted to see me without my pants you could’ve just asked.” His grin was stupid, his winks were stupid, his face was stupid, and yet, he was making you feel all fuzzy inside.

“You wish. Keep this going and I’ll take a kidney, too. How big is your jerkiness that you needed two parking spots for it?”

“Ouch, I thought you liked me.” He dramatically punched his chest where his heart was supposed to be while simultaneously scrunching up his face in fake pain.

“Who told you that lie?”

“I don’t know, I just assumed that you were enjoying my presence at least a little bit since you haven’t stopped smiling ever since I approached you.” Annoying, so annoying. You wanted to punch him in the face and erase that foolish grin he wore with so much pride. On the other hand, you also wanted to jump his bones.

“A pity smile, I’m sure you’re used to them.” Every insult seemed to spark something inside of him, fuel that kept him going.

A cough came from behind you and you turned to see Dustin holding a plastic bag.

“Can we go now? I’ve got plans with Lucas,” he hurried you.

Grabbing the bag from him, you gave Eddie one last look and went to exit the store.

“I’ll call you!” He shouted as you kept on going.

“You don’t have my number!”

“I’ll get it from someone!”

“Don’t you dare, Munson!” You yelled one last time before being too far away from him to keep on with your bickering.

“What the hell was that?” Dustin’s tone was filled with confusion and a little disgust.

You ignored him and looked away, not wanting him to see the flusterness plastered on your face. Once you’d gotten home, you would fix your bass and spend the afternoon waiting by the phone, convinced a call would come through.

#eddie stranger things #eddie munson fic #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #i wanna write head canons about this now #i have so many ideas for a relationship in which they both play instruments

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louisisalarrie · 2 months

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Hello! I was reading that master post you linked about Harry and Louis coming out in 2015 and it said:

“Doesn’t it make so much sense if this situation truly was like that - Zayn’s happiness and survival for Harry’s and vice versa? (because if you think Harry wasn’t also on the brink of being suicidal, go back and rewatch the Adore You music video. Listen to the songs he wrote. To the ones Louis wrote “Could have been a bed in a box” is pretty dark (and yes, I have heard him sing these lyrics live with my very own ears) - and Don’t Let It Break Your Heart sounds a lot better than Please Don’t Kill Yourself).”

Now I know this is a pretty heavy subject so it is hard to assume things and theorize about how Harry was truly feeling but do you agree with this take?

TW: mental health

Hey anon!! Apologies for not putting a TW on that post I shared, I forgot that bit was in there and it is extremely heavy stuff.

Look… all we can do is look at the situation and what the boys have said and make up our own minds. I don’t want to assume or try and psychoanalyse any of the boys’ mental health and diagnose them or try and understand what it could’ve been like in their head, but genuinely it would’ve been a rough time. We did see both louis and zayn struggling very very hard for a while there, however we didn’t see the extent of Liam’s addictions, or any kind of extremely obvious signs of bad mental health from Harry or niall too often. We knew they were exhausted, and strung out, and dealing with shit mgmt and that was obviously going to affect their mental and physical health overall, but we can’t know exactly what they were struggling with or thinking about at the time. Putting myself in their shoes though, I would’ve been using bad coping mechanisms and been pretty bad mental health wise.

Anyway, look… because I believe in this theory, I do agree it was Zayn’s happiness and health vs Harry’s freedom, and that’s why the fallout was so bad between them. And I think they all understand that it’s none of their faults, and it was just the circumstance they were in. And I’m sure now that they’re a bit older they can talk about this and empathise and understand each other more clearly. Louis said they’d talk about it when they were more mature, and his and Zayn’s falling out was 100% more than just the band/money. Louis is an extremely caring person and would’ve dropped everything to help zayn through that, and they all did help, but like that post said, it was “hold on a little bit longer” over and over again. And as much as louis loves that band, he’s not getting rid of such a deep friendship for someone who was struggling and clearly unwell and needed to leave. It was so much more than that. That’s why this theory is very believable.

I think they were all struggling with mental health, honestly. The happy go lucky puppy dog Harry baby though, hides it pretty well most of the time. He’s quite the showman. But the material caralara mentioned for their supporting argument does definitely hold some weight to it. I think it’s plausible Harry was that bad, but I don’t think we can compare any of their mental health to each other.

#anon #answered #tw mental health #tw suicide

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lefthandeddaughter · 9 months

Text

IF YOUR THERAPIST TOLD YOU TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF, WOULD YOU?

The words on the page are what you see when you're standing on the edge, looking down at the life beneath you. Everything looks small from up here.

Sometimes I still have the nerve to believe I'm bigger than all of it. I'm a nice girl, but I can be full of shit.

If you're reading this, that means we're standing on the edge together. I don't make the rules, and I don't like following them either, but here we are.

I want to hold your hand, but I won't ask you for it.

Fear and I go way back. She's always been there for me. I'm alive because of her, but I haven't exactly lived, either. The first time I got drunk, I was sixteen - she held my hair while I puked up Fireball and instant noodles into my friend's toilet.

Fast forward to the present.

What if I told you that a year and a half without sex has nothing to do with a lack of libido and everything to do with fear?

My mom has three kids. That's three C-sections. I don't know if she's ever had a good fuck in her life. I think about this a lot.

I wonder if my grandma ever has. If any of the women in my family have. Does that mean that when I fuck, I'm making up for the lost experiences of generations and generations of touch-starved women? Does my pleasure make up for their pain?

Remember when we were kids and we used to think that if you dug a hole deep enough, you could get to China? Maybe it's like that. Can you fuck your way to the other side of your attachment issues?

I need a joint and a ten year sabbatical.

What I'm taking a break from, I couldn't tell you. I'll let you know when I figure out what I'm running from. Or what I'm running to.

Not believing in yourself is expensive, and I've been living paycheque to paycheque for a long time now. I'm just about done with it.

I'm learning to love myself out of spite. It's not a clean way to love, but it's a placeholder. There are a few people who love me, and I've stopped trying to understand it. Not everything is mathematical. If they love me, I trust them. And if I trust them, I have to learn to trust myself.

For them. And one day, for me.

Training wheels.

Do you think they'll have lottery tickets in heaven?

I hope I never find out. I want this life and nothing else.

If you're ever in a position where you're dying, or you're on your way there, the hospital staff might ask you to rate your current pain level from 1-10. Every time they asked, my father would say any number but 10.

My father knows pain more than he knows me.

He told me he was saving his 10 for when things got "really bad". But things were really bad. And then they got worse. And then it was the worst it ever was. And then, quietly, things got better.

He could eat without a tube again. He gained the weight back. Started biking.

But even through all of that, the motherfucker never used his 10.

I never understood it until the other day. I realized I had never actually been in love.

I've been in relationships. One of them was pretty serious. Shit, four years? Five? For the first time in my life, I actually considered having kids.

But it's clear to me now. None of it was really love. This is the part where I assure you I'm okay, that this isn't heavy. But it is. And I couldn't tell you whether I'm really, honestly, deeply okay. But I'm not who I used to be, and I'm better for it.

But my question is this - are our definitions of love and pain measured by who we were in the heat of these moments, or are these definitions constantly in flux, redefined in real time as we jump off the cliff over and over again?

Do we look back and say, that wasn't love, or do we say, that was love to me then, but not anymore?

Look close. Down there. Way, way down. See?

There's a loneliness on the edge of town. It touches everything you love.

Look again.

There's a love on the edge of town. It touches everything that is lonely.

I'm learning to ask for what I need, so that one day I can ask for what I want.

Can I hold your hand?

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kpop-hive · 2 years

Text

A Scene From the 80s

BFF!Mark x BFF!Haechan x BFF!Reader

Warnings ⚠️: Sexual Tension, Heavy Makeouts, Voyeurism, Exhibitionism?, Oral (Male Receiving), Fingering, Car Sex, Drunk Sex, Body Worship, Dirty Talk

“Come on, drive faster Mark, I don’t wanna miss the movie!” You exclaimed from behind him. “Calm down, I’m going the speed limit, besides, it was your fault that we are running late.” Mark shot back. “How is it my fucking fault!?” “Well, we would’ve already been there if you weren’t all like ‘Wait, Mark pull over I need a slushee to put my liquor in.’” Haechan mocked. “I didn’t know there was gonna be a line, and besides alcohol taste better when it’s in a frozen slurpee.” You defended. “Why can’t you just drink it straight like a normal person instead of being so prissy?” Mark questioned. “I like what I like, nothing prissy about it.” You commented. “Just like how you liked when you sucked off Jaemin last week after class?” Haechan teased.

You then shoved Haechan in the back seat before a playfight began to erupt between the two of you. Mark took a sharp right turn, and it caused you and Haechan to break up the fight when Haechan fell to the backseat floor and your head hit the side of the car. “Now both of you shut the fuck up and put your seatbelts on!” Mark yelled while looking at the both of you in the rear view mirror. “Yes daddy.” Haechan joked before taking a sip of his beer making you laugh.

“A seatbelt is pointless we’ll be there in like two minutes.” Haechan spoke. “But, say in those two minutes someone comes speeding down crashing into us, and Mark and I are secure, and you die from head trauma?” You stated. “Yeah, but what if we were like that car in Monster House were the house picks us up with her tree arm, and tries to eat us, it would best for us to not have them on so we could escape.” He replied. “Haechan, none of the shit you say is possible or valid, just put the seatbelt on.” Mark said. “Fine, but only because I wouldn’t want you guys to cry over my death.” He joked. “Trust me it’ll be tears of joy.” Mark said sarcastically, causing Haechan to slap his arm. As Haechan finally put his seatbelt You realized that we were already at the theater.

“We’re here!” You exclaimed. “Fucking assholes.” Haechan muttered as he undid his seatbelt. Mark pulled into the drive in theater looking for a spot to park, luckily, there was one right in the back corner where it was hard to see and no one to disturb you. Mark paid the guy for the three tickets and took the parking spot.

“Awesome we made it, I’m gonna go get some popcorn.” You stated before opening the car door. “No need. I’ve got everything right here.” Mark said before opening the glove compartment and pulling out two bags of pre-popped popcorn, three boxes of movie theater candy, a six pack of sprite, and the rest of the of the beer and vodka from the floor.

“Oh, so that’s why you said that you could pay for all of us this time? Cheapskate.” You giggled. “Honestly, Markie, I’m proud that you finally did something illegal, but this is just corny.” Haechan stated. “Okay, well do you two want to pay me back for paying for the tickets this time?” Mark questioned making you and Haechan shake your heads frantically. “Didn’t think so.” Mark smirked before grabbing a bottle of sprite and a bottle of vodka before mixing the two in his travel cup.

“So what movie is this?” Haechan asked you. “It’s called ‘The Outsiders’ it was a really popular movie from the 80s.” You replied. The opening scene began to play, and you quickly pulled out your blanket to wrap yourself up in. “Mark, come back here, don’t be up front alone.” Haechan spoke. “I’m good, you guys can have some space.” Mark replied. “Mark, please, we need our third musketeer together with us.” You whined. “Alright, Alright, (Y/n) scoot over.” Mark said, before you moved to the middle, closer to Haechan. Mark retracted himself from the driver’s side to the right backseat to sit next to you. He grabbed the rest of the snacks and drinks and sat comfortably in the seat. It felt nice to feel both of your best friends next to you, their warmth was soothing.

The movie began to start and everyone was in their own world. Haechan began to drink away, you knew he would probably be wasted within the next twenty minutes, and Mark began to focus on the movie with you, only drinking his Sprite and vodka mix occasionally like a normal person. You however were only focused on the movie, your popcorn, and your slurpee.

“I’m cold!” Haechan yelled, making Mark shush him automatically. You sighed before maneuvering your blanket and distributing it amongst the two boys, finally allowing some warmth between them. You thought that would make Haechan leave you alone and focus on the movie, but then he wrapped his cold hands against your waist which made you shiver. Mark’s eyes slowly shifted to you and Haechan’s position and moved closer to you. Due to the subtle fact that you had put alcohol in your slurpee, you were definitely feeling a little tipsy as well. Your eyes became heavy as you were feeling your drunken state take over you.

“This movie is actually pretty good, awesome pick (Y/n).” Mark commented. “Thanks Mark.” You giggled. “Hey, they’re in a drive in just like us!” Haechan pointed out. “Yep, this movie was based in the 50s and made in the 80s, drive ins were very popular in those times.” You replied. “So I guess that makes us vintage.” Haechan joked. “Yeah, it does.” Mark stated. “(Y/n), your really warm, like the perfect temperature.” Haechan stated. “Really? How so?” You asked. “I don’t know, it’s like a comfort warm, like you just feel really, really good.” Haechan’s voice dropped down into a slow monotone when he said that last word. As soon as you heard him, you instantly knew what that meant, he was drunk and when he gets drunk, he gets needy. You realized this pattern when you all went to a college party for the first time together, you all took turns every weekend to watch out for each other and observe how everyone’s drunk states were. With Haechan, you realized he was a horny drunk, someone who had become sexual in the state of drunkenness. In fact when this happened, you and Mark had to stop the girl he was making out with’s boyfriend from beating up Haechan, you knew you always had to watch him when drunk but now, you’re his chosen victim for the horny boy of the night.

“Haechan chill, we’re at the drive in.” Mark stated. “So what? It’s not like anyone can hear, besides, I’ve always wanted to get some action at the drive in.” Haechan smirked. “Yes they can, the windows are rolled down for us to hear the movie.” Mark explained. “Well we can roll them up because I still want some action in the drive in.” On sober nights that comment would make your eyes widen, but since you were one step away from being drunk, you knew that this wasn’t something that surprised you. In fact, you were starting to fantasize the same thing that Haechan was feeling, some risk would be a nice way to make the night memorable, so you decided to play along.

“Haechannie, your hands feel really good.” You whined. “Oh really?” He questioned as you nodded. His cold hands did in fact feel good against your warm skin. “Yeah, I just wish that I could feel them somewhere else.” You replied biting your lip. “Are you guys really gonna do this right here, right now?” Mark scoffed. “Are you jealous Mark?” Haechan teased. “No, I just don’t think it’s appropriate.” Mark replied. “Okay, well you can sit there and sulk, and Haechan and I are gonna have some fun, you’re welcome to join if you want.” You smirked before leaning in to kiss Haechan’s lips.

His lips tasted like alcohol and candy, an intense combination. You whined at his taste, his hands began to feel you up, roaming your body in the ultimate way. You pulled away and groaned when Haechan’s cold hands groped your sensitive breasts, kneading them expertly. Mark looked to where his hands where and immediately bit his lip, he loved boobs, they were such a turn on to him, as soon as he saw Haechan’s hands he instantly thought about wanting to see them, you looked at his expression and smirked. “Come on Markie, you always are monitoring us all the time, you can’t even drink because you have to drive us home after the movie, don’t you want to have a little fun?” You teased. Mark was enticed, he always was the one that had to watch over you and Haechan, he could never fully express himself with the mess the both of you got into because he was always watching, never doing. Mark got up and crawled over the console to roll all the windows up, and without warning, Mark cupped your face and instantly kissed you.

You smiled into the kiss that he placed upon you, it felt sweet but also needy. You quickly pulled away when you felt Haechan pinch your nipple causing you to gasp. Mark stared you dead in the eye, and you knew what he wanted. You removed Haechan from your breasts, and pulled the crop top up over your exposing your breasts. Both boys groaned as they saw your chest and you could feel both of the bulges on both sides of your thighs. Mark licked his lips then looked at Haechan sparingly. “Go ahead Markie, I know you love tits, she’s yours.” Haechan said making you blush.

Mark cupped both of your breasts in his hands before leaning down to suck on your nipple. You whined as his mouth closed in on the nipple, your hands instantly reaching for his hair. He alternated between each breast and sucked hard on the buds, tugging them with his teeth. It was apparent that Mark loved boobs with how much he moaned into them, Haechan was right. You looked over your shoulder finding Haechan occupied with licking his fingers before he pushed them into your shorts and panties, rubbing your clit slowly.

“Oh god.” You moaned. The pleasure was taking a toll on you and you were ready to risk it all if it wasn’t for the string of cars lined around Mark’s, your humble instinct kicked and you were felt the need to stop. “Mark, Haechan, mmm what about the other cars?” You moaned. Mark tugged on your nipple and made you moan before looking up at you. “(Y/n), we’re in the far back of the theater in a corner, I promise no one can see us.” Mark smirked. “Yeah, and besides, I bet some people would rather watch our little movie over the one on the screen.” Haechan joked.

“God, these tits are perfect.” Mark groaned before kissing down the middle of your chest before sucking a hickey onto your left breast. “And she super wet too Mark.” Haechan replied. “Guys, it feels so good, please can we keep going?” You asked. “Fuck yeah.” Haechan muttered before removing his shirt. “Haechan, take off my shorts and panties please.” You whimpered. Haechan felt like he was in heaven and instantly removed your shorts and panties before you quickly shifted your legs to show your glistening core. Mark removed his mouth from your chest to see your body and he immediately shared the same expression as his friend across from you.

“(Y/n), you look so fucking hot.” Mark stated. You would be lying if you didn’t say that his tone didn’t turn you on, his Canadian accent made your arousal pour out even more, making you instantly close your legs. Mark and Haechan saw this action and locked eyes with each other before smirking. “Does Mark’s voice turn you on (Y/n)?” Haechan asked. You nodded instantly. Mark smirked before leaning into your ear, to whisper some not so appropriate words.

“Fuck, you look so good baby, you look so good for Haechan and I, even when you were dressed. I saw how you walked to the gas station earlier, making sure your hips sway so we could pay attention to your ass as you walked. Is that why you dressed like you did tonight? Was this your plan, to fuck us in the backseat? Is that why you’ve been wanting to hang out with us so much this week? We’re you that horny?” You didn’t know what to say, so you just moaned. The way Mark could read you was absolutely insane. You did do all of this because you wanted to entice them, hanging out with them just to get them to fuck you, in your mind you were just on another one of your college whore adventures. Meanwhile as Mark whispered into one ear, Haechan whispered into the other, but his words were way more provocative.

“Such a pretty girl, you look so good, all naked in a car with two of your closest friends. Tell me, how bad did you want to fuck me (Y/n)? I know I fucked some of your friends, and I know they talk, did they tell you how good I was in bed, or were you just curious enough to want to find out yourself? Do want Mark and I’s cocks baby?” “Y-yes, please fuck me!” You whined. Haechan automatically plunged a finger into your tight hole, causing you to mewl. Your lewdness attracted the boys attention even more. Haechan added a second finger into you causing you to whimper out his name.

“Haechan!” You whined. Mark couldn’t just sit back and watch what Haechan did to you he needed some action as well. Mark quickly undid his pants and pulled out his cock. You moaned at the sight of it and automatically looked up at him. “Be good to Mark baby, suck his cock.” Haechan groaned, his fingers speeding up. You instantly moved your head down to Mark’s length before spitting on his head and using your hand to moisten his member, you quickly rubbed his length up and down before wrapping your mouth around his shaft.

“Fuck.” Mark swore. Your warm mouth felt good on his member as you bobbed your head up and down trying to catch up with Haechan’s pace of his fingers. “How’s her mouth Mark?” Haechan asked. “Better than I had imagined.” Mark threw his head back as his hands instantly reached for your hair. Haechan’s fingers never stopped thrusting into you as you sucked off Mark, you clenched down on his fingers as you heard Mark’s moan as you continued. His voice gave you an eargasm and made you way more enthusiastic to getting him off.

Your tongue explored Mark’s entire length, making sure your mouth explored every inch of him, his hand gripped your hair a little harder when you began to suck on his tip, keeping your hand on his length as it rubbed his shaft up and down. Mark was on the verge of releasing and you and him both knew it, without warning, Mark used his available hand to reach down and rub your clit automatically making you gasp and attach your mouth back on his shaft going up and down again.

“Fuck, she’s clenching hard Mark, I think she’s close.” Haechan groaned. Much to your dismay, Haechan also couldn’t wait hand and foot on you and Mark to finish. The entire thing was sending him a painful boner that he couldn’t keep in his pants. With Haechan’s other hand, he took out his painfully hard cock and began to stroke it slowly, not wanting to waste his orgasm on his hand, but rather inside you instead.

Mark slowly began to thrust up into your mouth, the same way you began to ride Haechan and Mark’s fingers. It took one harsh poke to you g-spot that finally sent you over the edge. “Fuck, I’m cumming!” You moaned as you removed your mouth from Mark’s length. You continued to pump him a few more times as Haechan and Mark rode out your high, you brought your head down to his tip one final time and the vibrations of your moans, as well as the swipe of your tongue sent Mark over the edge as well. “God, (Y/n).” Mark moaned. You instantly removed your mouth and eagerly let his cum spill onto your chest, coating your boobs artistically as he came down from his high. Once he finished, he automatically saw the cum stains on your boobs and his began to become rock hard again.

“Look, I know that’s Mark’s cum, but I just wanna say that you look stunning in it.” Haechan spoke, making Mark chuckle and shove him. Haechan removed his fingers from your hole and automatically moved them to his mouth, tasting your essence. “And you taste amazing too!? That’s it, I have to be inside you.” Haechan said before sliding his pants down. He instantly grabbed you by the waist and sat you on his thighs, your back was slightly uncomfortable as it laid on the back of the driver’s seat, but what could you do, you’re in a car in the backseat with two people. He positioned you above his shaft, and before you could sink down, Mark stopped the both of you.

“Wait!” Mark reached over into the console and pulled out two condoms before passing one to Haechan. “Protection is important.” He said. “There’s the parent Mark we know and love.” You joked. Haechan quickly opened the foil and rolled the condom on his shaft before picking up where he left off. You sat on his thighs before he lifted you up and finally sunk you down on his shaft.

“Fuck!” Your eyes rolled back due to the stretch that you were enduring. You instantly put your hands on Haechan’s shoulders while his remained on your waist, after you finally adjusted, you and Haechan got to work. You began to grind down on him slowly before lifting your body up and down riding him properly. Part of you wished you guys were on a bed or a couch because with the lack of space, you really didn’t want to bump your head or feel the driver’s seat material scraping lightly against your back, but nonetheless, you were getting dicked down.

“You’re so tight (Y/n).” Haechan groaned as you began to pick up the pace. Haechan’s eyes never looked anywhere else but to you, he stared at the way your bodies connected and your cum stained tits and he was mesmerized. His moans and groans he let out were also pleasing to the ears as you continued to fuck him. He loved the way his dick slid in and out of you and was happy that he got to explore this side of you. Mark on the other hand was completely mesmerized with you as well, his hands pumping his shaft and he watched your tits bounce up and down with his cum covering them. You felt both eyes on you and to admit it, it was a little intimidating, but all those thoughts were moved as soon as Haechan’s dick found your g-spot.

“Fuck, right there!” You moaned out. “That feel good?” Haechan groaned, making you nod. He pulled you down to him, kissing your lips as he slowly began to thrust into you. The windows were fogging up due to the amount of heat your bodies kept projecting. Your pussy began to clench down on Haechan’s cock as you could already feel your orgasm soon. Haechan noticed this, and wiped a line of Mark’s cum from your breasts and began to suck on one of your nipples since from the previous actions, he realized they were sensitive. His tongue lightly sucked on the bud coating it with his saliva before biting down on it roughly. This action was just enough to send you over the edge, your body shaking at the intense orgasm you were enduring. Haechan groaned against your breast as he finally came just moments after you. “Fuck that’s it.” He moaned. His cum shot up in the condom finally releasing before halting your movements to a complete stop, removing you off his lap, and taking off the condom, tying it up, and putting it in an empty sprite bottle.

“That was amazing.” You muttered. Haechan smiled before kissing you again, and slouching back in his seat. “Got room for one more?” Mark asked you. You turned your head to the side and saw him with a condom already on and instantly smiled before kissing his lips. “Of course, especially if it’s you.” Mark’s cock instantly twitched at those words, and set you into position. “Haechan, do you have room for another orgasm? I think (Y/n) should show you some of her insane mouth skills.” Mark said. “Fuck yeah.” Haechan replied. Mark put you on all fours with your arms resting on Haechan. He put one leg on the car floor, and the other on the seat.

“(Y/n), your ass is amazing.” Mark groaned before giving it a harsh smack before pushing his length in. Due to the stretch from Haechan it didn’t take long for you to adjust and Mark automatically started to thrust inside you. You looked up at Haechan before grabbing his shaft and started to suck on his tip as you moaned from the intense fucking Mark was giving you. “Ah, your mouth feels so good!” Haechan whined. You looked up at him with innocent eyes before giving him a wink causing him to throw his head back as his hands flew to your hair.

Mark continued to thrust into you making your eyes roll to the back of your head. His thrusts were on the more precise side than Haechan’s making sure that he can be strategic with both of your orgasms where as Haechan’s were chaotic trying to get you off as fast as possible. “Fuck, (Y/n) you’re so tight.” Mark moaned from behind. You moaned against Haechan who let out a slightly loud moan from the vibration. You continued to bob your head to the same pattern as Mark’s thrust which seemed to increase as time went on. The sounds of Mark’s moans made you clench down on him which made him proceed in fucking you harder. Soon enough he found your g-spot which made your body shiver.

Mark began to knead your ass in his hands as he felt his orgasm creeping up on him slowly. You noticed this action and began to fuck yourself back on him causing him to throw his head back at the action. Haechan was close as well since you could feel his cock twitching inside your mouth. You quickly removed your mouth from him and began to pump his cock in his hands as you stared up at him with pleading eyes. “Cum for me Haechannie.” You whined before placing your mouth on his tip, ready to accept whatever he has to offer.

“Fuck, (Y/n)!” Haechan moaned as he came in your mouth. Hot spurts of cum hit the back of your throat as you moaned at the taste. Mark was so into the sight in front of him, he began to start releasing into the condom. Loud groans and swear words erupted from his mouth as he rode out his orgasm, but he didn’t stop, he wanted to feel you release on him at least once. You took your mouth off of Haechan and placed your head on his thighs as Mark continued to thrust into you, slightly sending him into overstimulation, eager to make you cum one last time for the night. Your moans were enough to encouraging him even more.

“Come on baby, give Mark and I one more for the night.” Haechan teased as he toyed with your hair, and of course on cue, you released around Mark, making him moan as you clenched down on him, your liquids coating his dick. Once you finished, Mark removed himself from you, and properly disposed of the condom in the same empty bottle Haechan put his in. Once settled, Mark’s hand automatically rubbed your back, Mark and Haechan knew you were exhausted from the three orgasms that you had. Haechan repeated the same affection to you by placing a kiss to the top of your head.

“(Y/n), you were amazing.” Haechan complimented, making you smile. “Thanks, you were too, you as well Mark.” You replied. All of you began to giggle and the sudden realization hit you that you guys were still at the drive in. You all quickly put on your clothes, before hurrying up to sit in your normal positions like nothing happened. “Do you think anyone saw us?” You asked the boys, but they both shrugged. Soon enough, a worker from the theater knocked on the car door, making all three of you jump. “Oh shit.” Haechan muttered, making you blush. Let’s just say all three of you had a temporary ban from the theater due to “extreme horseplay.”

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happysoldlady · 2 years

Text

Coney Island - Nestor Oceteva

a/n: this is a lot longer than the others because I got a little carried away. also this song is top 5 from evermore, argue with the wall. I couldn't decide which lyrics to use, they're all too good. I might do a part two to this? idk I kinda like the storyline. y'all can shit all over my dreams if you wish lol.

part 2 link

warnings: idk everything? heavy, problematic drinking, violence, suggestive conversation, angst!!!!

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"Break my soul in two looking for you But you're right here If I can't relate to you anymore Then who am I related to?"

The longer you stare into the abyss of a lonely house, you can't help but wonder how you got here. Consumed by what? Love? Lust? Greed? You met Nestor at a time in your life where you needed someone to take care of you, and now, sitting alone in the house the two of you put so much of yourselves into, you can't figure out who that person was.

It's only midnight and you've been doing this long enough to know that Nestor won't be home for another couple hours. So you sit back into the couch, glass of wine in hand, sipping a generous amount before letting out a quiet sigh. You don't bother turning on the television, knowing you won't pay attention to anything on it anyway. Nothing could possibly distract you from the fact that the man you love has been absent for the better part of a year, and you've allowed it.

Allowing it has been easier than walking away. You've invested too much of yourself into this, and walking away feels more like a betrayal to yourself than anything else. Meeting him for the first time all those years ago seems like a fever dream. Something that happened in another lifetime, and now you're stuck in this one, desperately trying to grasp onto something, anything to hold on to the life you once shared that you'd do anything to get back.

You can see it like it was yesterday. You were working at a shop your grandmother owned late one night, wiping down the counters following a particularly rowdy group of teenagers. You sold treats: ice cream, brownies, fudge, etc. It was just something part-time to do while you figured out your next move, but honestly, you kind of enjoyed it. The shop door chimed just as you were rounding back around the counter to toss the dirty rag in the back. You had to do a double take when you looked up as you saw none other than Miguel Galindo and his men standing in the lobby. All dressed in suits, sunglasses resting on their noses, looking expensive overall. You cleared your throat, giving them all a warm smile.

"Hi," You squeaked out, avoiding eye contact with the infamously cocky Miguel. "What can I get for you?"

"My son loves your butterscotch soft serve. Can I just get a scoop of that maybe in a cup? He's only two." Miguel says politely, adjusting the cufflinks of his sleeve.

You nod, "Yeah of course, any toppings or anything?"

Miguel looks at you like the question takes him off guard. "Uh, I guess not."

You nod, and then get to work. You slide the cup of ice cream over toward him, sticking a spoon in it, and grabbing a napkin.

"Can I get anything else for you guys?" You end up making eye contact with the guy standing near the tables in, behind Miguel. The only one besides Miguel that wasn't wearing sunglasses, although you weren't complaining. The man was very attractive. His tongue darts out his bottom lip as he makes eye contact with you, his back stiffening.

"Actually, yes. My wife comes in here a lot, and she gets some sort of fudge. I don't know if you still have it. A coconut white chocolate something?" Miguel asks, eyes dancing over the fudge flavors. You smile and nod.

"Yeah, it's seasonal but I think we may have some in the back. Give me just a second." You say before scurrying, kicking yourself for not asking how much he wanted. You lean back around the door, "I've got 2 pounds left."

He nods curtly, "We'll take all of it."

Once his fudge is wrapped up, you ring him up, wishing him well. As they're leaving, the man you made eye contact with before lingers, giving you a once over, then making his way out the door. Days later, you've almost completely forgot about the encounter, you see a rather familiar pair of braids stroll into your shop, and the rest is history.

As the clock ticks, you end up just drinking straight from the bottle. The fuss and the fight have left you once and for all. After all, you figure, there's no need to pretend like you aren't going to drink the entire bottle anyway. And then Nestor will come home, notice, and you'll tell him to wipe the worry off his face. You're not entirely sure that he could fix it even if he cared enough to want to.

"And if this is the long haul How'd we get here so soon? Did I close my first around something delicate? Did I shatter you?"

Nestor dreads going home. And it's not solely because you don't look at him with the same fire in your eyes anymore. But he just really hates to see you drinking yourself into a stupor every night because of a life he can't get out of either.

He loves you. That much has always been true. He's adored you from the moment your eyes connected in that ice cream shop, and in that regard, nothing's changed. But there was nothing he could do to stop the ever changing circumstances around him. His life belonged to the Galindo cartel, and it didn't matter how much he hated watching you succumb to the darkness of it, he still had a job to do. His loyalties lied with them no matter how much he loved you.

So, yeah, he fucking hated going home. And as he walks toward the front door, he wonders what flavor of wine you've chosen to drown in tonight.

"Y/N? Mi amor?" He calls, unloading his pockets and turning the safety on his handgun. He hears you before he sees you. The deep breath, and then your unsteady feet.

Your hair is disheveled from the couch, the bottle of...white wine in your grasp, and you lean against the wall. Your eyes meet his, a watery grin on your lips.

"Missed you." You mumble as he walks toward you. He tilts his head, pressing a sweet kiss into your hairline, his hand sliding down to cup your face in his hand as he stares down at you.

His eyes glide over the wine bottle. You're down to the last fourth of the bottle, and the very broken part of him wonders if you're on the comeback. At least you haven't finished it yet. He slips the bottle easily out of your grasp, gulping down the last fourth, then leaning into to plant a kiss to your lips.

"It's 3am, amor. What are you doing up?" He asks, voice quiet, lips brushing against yours.

You let out a sigh, pecking his lips. "You know me, I don't really sleep if you aren't here."

Nestor nods, setting the wine bottle down, undoing the first few buttons his shirt. "Well, I'm here now."

He watches his words roll over you, settling into your cracks and threatening to split you wide open. Your watery grin slips off of your face, and one of your hands runs through your hair absentmindedly.

"That's it?" You ask, your voice barely registering to his ears.

He doesn't want to hurt you, really. But he can't fuck you like this, and he won't coddle you into reversing whatever story you've managed to spin around him tonight. Icing you out isn't his intention, it's just a very unfortunate consequence of losing his trust.

He stares at you a minute longer, then turns to walk down the hallway, into your bedroom, turning on the hot water in the shower. And when you hear the bathroom door close, you crumble.

"Lost again with no surprises Disappointments, close your eyes And it gets colder and colder When the sun goes down"

You had plans. And considering you were hardly ever invited anywhere, you were almost too excited. Fitted black dress, tall heels, dark makeup and hair styled to perfection. You were just finishing strapping on your shoes when your front door opens. You jerk your head up in surprise, meeting Nestor's confused gaze.

"You're home early." You comment, leaning back down to adjust your heels.

"Yeah I asked Mikey for the night off..." Nestor trails off as he notices how dressed up you are. He had plans too. Plans for the two of you, in a desperate attempt to reconnect. "Where are you headed for the night?" He keeps it casual, not wanting to guilt you into a change of plans.

"Girls night with a coworker." You say, giving him a wide grin, only to notice his face falter at your words. Your eyebrows furrow as you sit up, eyes scanning him. You stand, watching his eyes wash over you, drinking you in.

"Well," He mumbles, meeting your gaze once more. You almost expect him to object, but he doesn't. He wouldn't. "I hope you girls have fun."

You nod, giving him a slight smile. You open your mouth, wanting to invite him to tag along, be the Girls Night Out bodyguard, but you quickly close it. He didn't take the night off to babysit you and your friends.

"I'll text you the location." You say, grabbing your purse off the hook, running over to him to give him a goodbye kiss. He gives you a slight grin, and a curt nod.

"If you need me..." He trails off, meeting your lips once more, giving your hips a squeeze, then releasing you. You nod, muttering out a quick 'of course' before heading out for the night. And you do text him the address, adding a not-so-subtle winky face as an invitation. You kind of want him to show up. Tell you how hot you look. How he can't stand the thought of another man looking at you. But he doesn't, and you desperately try to hide your disappointment in the bottom of a margarita pitcher.

Nestor, a few beers deep himself, stares at the winky face for a long time. Types out a few messages, deletes all of them, letting out a frustrated groan. He doesn't know what you want. You won't tell him, and he's never been the type of man to guess. So he decides that if you text him again, he'll show up. But hours pass by, and nothing, so he drinks a few more beers, pausing one bottle at his lips when he hears your giggles on the porch, and then a key in the door. He doesn't have it in him to tell you the door's unlocked.

He hears you stumble in, your heels clicking against the floor of the foyer. He stands, setting his beer down and meeting your very inebriated figure halfway. Your tangled up in your coat when you feel Nestor's hands slide up to help you remove it. You mumble out a 'thank you', staring up at him as he hangs your coat up in the small closet in your entryway. He even puts it on the hanger. You notice that he's got his hair down, and it makes you smile. He turns and does a double take when he meets your eyes, furrowing his eyebrows when he sees the wistful look on your face.

"What is it? You okay?" He says cautiously, holding out his hands. Honestly, you look like you're way past fucked up, and he's concerned you're going to throw up. He's in no mood to clean up vomit on his night off.

You nod, leaning against the wall, trying to focus on him enough not to fall down. "I really wish you would've shown up tonight."

He tilts his head at your words, and opens his mouth to apologize but you interrupt him, "No, you didn't want to spend your night off babysitting. I get it. I just," You pause, letting out a sigh, and running a finger over his cheek, "I just really miss you."

Nestor crosses the floor in a matter of milliseconds, his hands coming up to grip your face in his hands. His lips press against yours, his body backing yours into the wall. You tangle your fingers in his hair, and revel in the groan he lets out. But he breaks the fevered kiss, his breathing heavy against your lips, as he rests his hands against the wall on either side of your head. He doesn't say anything, though. He doesn't need to. He said it all with his mouth.

"The question pounds my head What's a lifetime of achievement If I pushed you to the edge? But you were too polite to leave me"

Following the Girls Night fiasco, Nestor invites you to an event hosted by the Galindos. He, of course, will be on duty but Miguel usually lets his men peruse, only jumping in if needed at events like this. Really, Miguel had wanted to get everybody together to show his appreciation for all their hard work. Miguel, after all, was no stranger to the toll it could take on relationships. Nestor, however, tried to ignore how disappointed he was that Mikey had scheduled this party on his birthday. You and him had made...other arrangements for the evening.

But you dressed up, swiped on your best lipstick, and showed up on Nestor's arm anyway. Mostly because you knew how important it was to him that you come along, even if the two of you had been in a weird place.

As you near the doors of Miguel's mansion, Nestor plants a kiss to your head (carefully as not to fuck up your hair), and then opens the door for you. Hand in hand, you walk in, greeting both Miguel and Emily and then turning to greet the fellow men.

Throughout the night, everyone seemed pretty friendly. The other henchmen had riveting stories of Nestor to tell you, much to his demise, but he enjoyed watching you laugh along so he allowed it. You decided to take the night off from drinking and only had a glass of champagne when Miguel made his toast. You could see the preemptive glint in his eye though, and it made you wonder what tricks he had up his sleeve for the evening.

You decided to leave your gut feeling alone, and let yourself enjoy the one night you and Nestor had had out together in a while. The two of you danced to the music, mingled with the other guests, and genuinely seemed to be having a good time. And then the thing happens. And you had been waiting for it.

Nestor's hand tenses up in yours, and his focus is on something else. Definitely not on his dolled up wife, trying to get him to dance again. He glances around the room and you see the moment that Miguel gives him the signature head nod. Nestor's entire disposition changes and his eyes soften only a little when they look at you, he lifts the hand he's holding to his lips, then leans down to your ear, "El deber llama, mi amor."

You let out a sigh, turning to meet Miguel's gaze also. But his focus is on Emily, and you find a seat, letting your feet rest from the assault of the heels you had worn. You swirl the remaining champagne in your glass aimlessly, before downing it, and then smiling as Emily plops down next to you.

"It's hard." She blurts out, sipping on the drink in her hand.

"What is?" You ask curiously.

She turns to look at you, "Staying. Knowing what they're doing instead of this."

You let out a sigh, shaking your head, "And what are they doing?"

She doesn't answer you at first, just sips on her wine and watches all the other guests then she lets out what's probably meant to be a laugh and says, "That's the million dollar question, Y/N."

"And do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?"

"I just want you to be honest!" You found yourself shouting, although you know Nestor doesn't respond to it. You're just angry, and hurt. Tired of trying to figure out how to navigate his world, and yours.

"I am honest." He says, throwing up his hands. "I can't give you all the details because I don't know. I just take the orders."

"Bullshit. I'm not an enemy, Nestor. I'm your wife!" You yell, and you know you shouldn't be but fuck, he's infuriating. "Don't downplay your role in the cartel to me. I've watched you earn it. I helped you earn it!"

Nestor laughs, "And what did you do that helped me get good with Mikey?"

"Oh! That's it. I don't get to know things about your life outside of this house because I'm separate from it. Is that it?" You egg on, heated. "You think that because I haven't killed anyone personally my hands are clean?"

Nestor rolls his eyes, "Nobody said tha-"

"You didn't have to." You cut him off, your voice calmer now. The two of you glare at each other for a few moments and you watch Nestor's resolve fade.

"I have appreciated your support." Nestor says quietly, giving you a genuine look of appreciation. "But you are on a need to know basis. And you don't need to know this." Correction: he didn't want you to know this. He didn't want you to be anymore disappointed in him than you already were. It's one thing to hear rumors about the things your husband gets up to when he's not home, it's quite another to hear him say it.

You nod, your eyes narrow as you glare at him. "Well, I guess I should be thanking you, then?" You don't wait for a reply, just run a frustrated hand through your hair and walk to your bedroom, making sure the door slam is extra dramatic. And when you hear the front door slam, you slide down the door, putting your head in your hands. Hurt, but mostly just confused about what the fuck that argument was actually about.

"...Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray? A universe away And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face..."

Mierda was the only thing Nestor could think. Mierda, he fucked up. He should've taken this guy out when he had the chance, and now here he is, tied up, being beaten for information he would never give. Apparently, loyalty even overrides unbearable pain. And he was most definitely in unbearable pain.

The punches just kept coming, to the face, ribs, stomach. One guy even started kicking at his legs. He would kill him the slowest, he figured. What kind of asshole goes for your legs when you're tied up to a fucking chair?

"Yo sé que tú sabes. Bien podría decirnos." The man said, leaning down with a cocky grin on his face. Nestor found it quite amusing that he had yet to actually tell him what information he wanted, but kept beating him anyway. Not that Nestor would ever say anything, but this seemed like some bullshit. Nestor took several more blows to the face and stomach, doubling over in pain, his grunts muffled by the bandana stuffed in his mouth.

"Es ese cabrón de jefe, o tu chica. You choose." The man sneered, and at the mere mention of you, Nestor's eyes narrow. Who the fuck was this guy and how did he know about you? He starts going through his mental checklist of where you would be today. It's Thursday...probably evening? You got off work at 4:30 so you'd definitely be home. Nestor closes his eyes, not giving anything away but his insides start bubbling in panic. If you're home, they're going to find you. If Miguel didn't intervene soon, he would have to tell them something, anything. Nestor would make up something, or tell them something insignificant. Play dumb? No. They obviously knew he was Miguel's right hand.

The man in front of him breaks his thoughts with another hard punch to the face. Nestor turns his head slowly back to the man, a glare planted in his gaze. If he could just get his hands free, he could take this guy. He tugs on his restraints, hard, hearing a slight crack of hope but he huffs in frustration as that's all he gets. A meaningless, twinge of hope.

Meanwhile, you're dancing in your kitchen, stirring the soup you had spent the last hour or so making. You turn off the burner, reaching up into the cabinets for a bowl, only to feel a hand hastily grab your waist, and then the other pressing against your mouth. You try to twist, screaming against the hand in alarm. As your kicking against nothing, another figure comes at you, masked and grabs your legs, carrying you out your back door and throwing you into a van.

You bang your head against the door on the other side, letting out a groan of pain, looking up to see none other than your husband staring at you with wide eyes. His leg bouncing as he glances around the van or something, anything to break the two of you free. You feel a kick to one of your legs and you sit up, pulling your knees to your chest as you stare up at one of the masked assailants.

He roughly jerks your hands out and duct tapes your wrists together, then slapping a piece over your mouth. Your eyes meet Nestor's again, and he looks you over, checking for any injuries. He figures that if they actually hurt you, he'll lose his cool, and he hasn't yet. Only probably the bump on the back of your head, he figures. You sit quietly as both men climb into the front, swerving the van around wherever they're taking you. You see Nestor trying to see but the frustration on his face tells you it's unfamiliar. His eyes meet yours again, his foot reaching out to you and you grin against the duct tape, stretching your foot out to touch your shoe to his. He's trying to comfort you, and while it doesn't do much for your nerves, it makes you smile.

The van takes a sharp turn and you tumble over, hitting your head again on the bench next to you. You whimper, scooting back up. But you don't have time to dwell because all at once, the van door slides open behind you and arms pull you out, closing behind you with a more than stressed Nestor. If he can't see you, he can't comfort you (or himself, for that matter). His wild eyes meet the mans, and the amusement he sees behind them infuriates him. God, he hopes Miguel pulls through soon. If they hurt you, he won't forgive himself.

"Last chance..." The man says, his tone condescending. Nestor stares up at him, his stance resolved. This earns him another punch to the stomach, but then he hears the van door shut and it's just him. And his thoughts.

He's not sure how long goes by, but it's dark out when the van door opens, and Nestor's almost lost his mind trying to figure out who the fuck these guys are and what they want. If he knew, he could manipulate the information in their favor.

"Alright, pendejo," The man begins, but before he can finish, a bullet rings out and he drops to the ground. Nestor's relieved for a moment, until he sees you stepping into the van, blood dripping down your arm and a bruise forming on your left cheek. He's absolutely elated to see the pistol in your hand, though. Your breathing is heavy as you tug at his restraints, frustrated grunts leaving your throat as they won't rip. He watches you lean down, searching the guy for a knife, and he smiles slightly at your small fist pump when you find what you're looking for. The knife slides through the material with ease, and he immediately pulls the bandana out, spitting it into the van floor. His bruised hands come up to your face, his eyes searching you for anything life threatening. You shake your head, giving him a kiss to the cheek.

"I'm good, mi amor." Your voice is a little shaky, but overall, you look okay and he gives you a nod, eyes apologetic. He presses a long kiss to your hair, then slips the handgun from your gasp, wrapping an arm around you and stepping out the van, eyes on the prowl for any more men.

Nestor digs into his pocket, handing you the gun back, but standing in front of you, eyes peeled as he waits for Miguel to answer. It seems that only minutes later, Nestor sees an Escalade roll up, only excited to see Marcus just this once.

Miguel steps out of the vehicle, and you have to do a double take because he's not in a suit. Nestor and him speak quietly as Marcus leads you to the car, helping you inside and then asking you questions about the men. You tell him everything you noticed, which wasn't much, and lean your head back against the seat, resting your eyes. Marcus goes to join the other two men, who are still talking in hushed tones.

Nestor is so invested in trying to talk through who the men was, that when he glances up and sees your eyes closed, he panics. You hit your head really fucking hard, and there's a rule about falling asleep with a concussion. He's quick on the draw, at your side in a moment, shaking you awake by your shoulder.

"Y/N? Need you to wake up for me, mi dulce." You groan awake, eyes meeting his in frustration as relief washes over him. His hand trails over the cut on your arm, then sliding up to cup your cheek. "Might be concussed."

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