#this has been in my drafts for MONTHS because of a small mistake but i finally fixed it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beom-pyu · 11 months

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lust for life ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ kang taehyun

kang taehyun x fem!reader (choi yeonjun x fem!reader) , tags: non idol au , friends to lovers , one-sided crushes , pining , fluff , nsfw , angst , friend!taehyun , bff!yeonjun , roommate!yeonjun , college au , one-sided crushes , angst , pink-haired taehyun because why not, reader is a little ditzy but you mean well!! , pwp

warnings: smut (minors dni) , cursing , fingering , drinking , service top!taehyun (i need to spread this agenda please hear me out) , unprotected sex (reader is on the pill) , sane and consensual! , car sex (i have an obsession) , reader is going thru it

"in these stolen moments, the world is mine. there's nobody here—just us together. keepin' me hot like july forever."

a/n: hiii it's been a while! i've had this in the drafts for a little bit and i finally finished it yayyyy!! also happy 520+ in just a little over a month??? ily guys with all of my heart :,,,) i hope u enjoy!!! (this has only been proofread once so plz excuse any mistakes!)

wc: 8.17k

you’ve never been a fan of pancakes. in fact, you had even won an online debate about how waffles are the better breakfast food back in middle school on some weird forum site. pancakes are just too starchy, too flimsy, and way too bland. you’d rather eat sand than willingly go out of your way to devour a plate of pancakes.

but as yeonjun hand feeds you a bite of the blueberry pancakes he made for your “friendiversary” (the friendship anniversary that you guys celebrate every year), you decide right then and there that you have become a pancake connoisseur—a devotee… a fanatic, if you will.

you hum in delight, clapping your hands in appreciation as you chew the slice of doughy goodness. yeonjun watches your reaction with hopeful eyes—those fox-like eyes, shining as the daylight from the kitchen window hits his irises, a chocolate brown ring hidden in the center. you think you can get lost in them forever: the way they bunch up when he smiles widely, the way his eyelashes frame them beautifully, the way they seem to display any and every emotion he feels. those captivating, enchanting eyes.

“does it taste okay?” yeonjun asks, his soft voice snapping you back into reality. you’re nodding quickly before you even realize it, giving him two thumbs up as you swallow the food.

“i didn’t know you were a pancake expert,” you joke, picking up your own fork to grab a strawberry off of your plate. yeonjun shakes his head with a faint smile, pushing around the food on his plate as he watches you eat.

“i just threw some things together. guess i’m just a natural, huh?” his voice is filled with feign cockiness and you find yourself giggling at the way he leans back in his seat with his arms behind his head like some 90s chick-flick jock.

he looks especially good today—you don’t know if it’s just the warm feelings surrounding your friendiversary, or if it’s the way the sun rays frame his figure, creating a halo effect around his body. he’s perfect in your eyes; his black hair falls beautifully around his face, and his cheeks are naturally flushed pink from the warm air of your shared apartment. his lips are glossy with some syrup residue and you wish for nothing more than to kiss it off of him, tasting the sweetness of his mouth as your hands find their way to his—

“—ift today, so i have to go in. i’m really sorry, y/n.”

you blink, tilting your head a bit as you rip your attention from his lips. “sorry, what did you say?”

yeonjun sighs with a small, apologetic smile, bouncing his fork in his hands. “there was no one who could cover my shift for our friendiversary, so i still have to work today.”

his voice is filled with so much guilt, and despite the deep disappointment you feel in your chest, you don’t want to make him feel any worse. he doesn’t deserve to feel that way. you guys have celebrated your friendiversary every single year for the past decade and a half. from visiting the aquarium in sixth grade, to go-karting in ninth, to climbing onto the rooftop of your apartment complex to stargaze last year; you guys have done it all. there’s nothing wrong with cutting one short, right?

“oh, that’s okay! i… i still have some cramming i need to do, so that’ll definitely keep me busy.” you wave your hand to dismiss him with a small smile before quickly spooning another strawberry into your mouth to cover up the falter of your lips. yeonjun’s shoulders untense with relief, nudging your foot under the table—the action is quick to summon butterflies in your stomach, a small warmth rising to your face from the short contact.

“i promise i’ll make it up to you, okay?” and any hint of dismay in your body dissipates with the lopsided smile he sends your way, too distracted by the fluttery stuttering of your heart and the way those eyes glimmer in the morning sunlight.

“i’m going to die.”

“you’re not going to die.”

“yes, i am. i’m going to die and it’ll be all your fault.”

taehyun deadpans you as you dramatically drape yourself across the library table, whining with your cheek pressed against the cool wood. today was supposed to be your friendiversary, and now here you are, face to face with your friend (and calculus tutor) in your stuffy campus library.

you mentally curse the current recession—yeonjun could’ve had the day off to cuddle and watch movies with you, but now he’s holed up in a dumb, understaffed clothing store.

on top of it all, calculus seems to always have the ability to literally melt your brain through your ears, feeling yourself growing more and more delirious with every number and formula you write down. there’s a reason why you’re an english major.

taehyun simply watches you throw your contained fit, his demeanor blank with the slightest hint of amusement—he’s definitely used to it by now. with one final huff, you lift your head up, grabbing your pencil with vigor as you straighten your back.

“okay, let’s do this.”

a tiny puff of laughter fills the space around you as taehyun’s lips quirk up at your immediate change of pace, his eyebrows raised with entertainment.

“you sure you don’t need another minute?” he teases you with a sly smile and you give him a tiny glare in return.

“not everyone is a mathematical nerd like you, kang,” you retort, but the words are light and airy—it’s easy to banter with taehyun. you’ve known him since your freshman year, meeting him by chance at this exact library during exam season. you approached him first—he had on a t-shirt of a band you like a little too much and with your extroverted nature, you cracked through his shell quickly.

you two would be complete opposites if it weren’t for the fact that you have so much in common with each other. he’s like the less talkative, “critically thinking”’version of you—he balances you out perfectly and you’re incredibly thankful to have a friend like him. he’s always open to listen to your rambling, help you out when you’re struggling in one of your classes, and provide silent company when you don’t want to be alone.

you’re especially grateful that he willingly offered to help you prepare for your upcoming exams, knowing how scatterbrained you get when it comes to studying—and by the time it hits 5 p.m, you’re officially burnt out, unable to intake any more explanations of radians and whatnot.

taehyun notices your attention drifting as you chew on the end of your pen, a tiny and fond smile falling onto his face.

“how about we call it a day?” taehyun asks as he closes his textbook. you immediately brighten up, nodding aggressively—taehyun quietly laughs at your enthusiasm.

“wanna get something to eat? i think i’m actually going to die after all of this now.” you motion to the mess of paper and notes in front of you, hearing taehyun hum in agreement. you pack up quickly as you randomly stuff your papers into their proper (see: random) folders, ready to get some food in your stomach as you tell taehyun about this new show you’ve started watching. he listens intently, nodding along to your breakdown of the plot—you speak way too fast for anything to be even the slightest bit comprehensible, but your eagerness makes up for any lost translations.

the air is warm on your skin when you exit the library, soaking up the heat as you fall into step with taehyun next to you. as brutal as finals season is on you, it does leave one positive in your mind—summer is coming.

you had planned a trip with yeonjun to your hometown for the first few weeks of summer—just the two of you with no distractions of work and assignments. alone. together. you were going to confess during this trip; you had promised yourself that you wouldn’t chicken out this time. you have liked yeonjun for years, ever since middle school, but you’ve been too afraid of losing him to actually tell him the truth about your feelings—but this is it. this will be the summer you tell him everything. you beam at the thought, already feeling giddy at just the idea.

“watcha thinking about?”

taehyun’s inquisitive voice enters your ears and you turn your head to look over at him. he’s already watching you, his big eyes focused on the goofy smile on your face. your neck heats up with embarrassment at the prospect of being caught daydreaming about your best friend, shaking your head.

“nothing, really. i just love when the sun’s out,” you speak, looking up to the clear sky as you silently applaud yourself for that on-the-spot excuse. you can still feel taehyun’s eyes on your face, but you brush it off as your phone rings in your hand.

you look down at the caller i.d., your heart jumping at the giant display of letters that spell out “junnie bug”. his contact photo takes up your entire screen and you’re sure taehyun sees it as well—it’s a selfie yeonjun took when he used one of your hello kitty headbands to wash his face, his lips puckered up in a kissy face with a v by his eyes, winking at the camera. god, he’s so cute.

quick to answer the phone, you press the device to your ear with a small smile on your lips, muttering out a quiet hello.

“hey, where are you right now?”

you scan the area, realizing you’re closing in on one of the campus restaurants, one you and yeonjun frequent weekly.

“i’m about to grab dinner. why?” the line is quiet for a beat as you hear some shuffling and jingling before yeonjun finally responds.

“i got off early! come eat with me. i brought your favorite~” yeonjun sing-songs through the speaker of your phone. you pout a bit, glancing up at taehyun whose hands are shoved in his pocket as he looks off into the distance, giving you privacy to speak.

“i’m actually with taehyun right now…”

yeonjun makes a small, whiny sound, quick to intervene. “but it’s our friendiversary! plus, i have something i’ve been waiting to tell you.”

your heart stops in your chest for a moment as the words reach your ears, feeling the world around you slow down.

yeonjun has something to tell you.

he has something he's been waiting to tell you.

you try not to overthink it, but you can’t stop the conclusion from jumping into your head.

he’s going to confess. he’s going to confess!

you bite back a small squeal as you gain your composure, your eyes flickering over to taehyun once again. he’s a few steps behind you and you already feel bad for what you’re about to do—but yeonjun has something to tell you and your best friend always comes first.

(especially when he’s going to confess to you!)

“okay, i’ll be there soon! love you, junnie.”

“love you too. see you in a bit.”

and then the line goes silent. you try to hide your wide grin as you turn on your heel towards taehyun who stops in his tracks, his head cocking to the side at your excited demeanor.

“hey, can we make a reign check? i’m really sorry,” you pout as you speak, but taehyun doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest, nodding his head.

“yea, that’s okay. seems like you have somewhere important to be.” the small smile he gives you seems a little forced, but you’re too blinded by the excitement pooling in your gut to linger on it. you make a small happy noise, reaching out to pat taehyun’s arm softly.

“i’ll pay for dinner next time—pinky promise.” you hold out your pinky and taehyun’s eyes follow your hand, smiling a bit at the action.

“what, are we twelve?” he teases and you huff, gently jabbing your pinky into his arm.

“pinky promises are the ultimate form of trust and commitment!” you declare with a self-assured nod. taehyun hesitates for a moment as he gives you an unreadable look before his warm pinky hooks onto yours, your thumbs pressing together in a silent seal.

“thank you, kind sir,” you say in a horrible british accent and the corners of taehyun’s eyes crinkle in that darling way they do when he smiles. “i’ll see you tomorrow. bye, bye!”

if taehyun watches your figure retreat until you’ve disappeared around the corner of the communications building, and a short while after you’re already gone—well, that’s for only him to know.

you’re nervous, you realize as you wipe your sweaty palms on your skirt, taking in a deep breath as you stand outside of your apartment. one would think you’d be prepared for this, considering how many sleepless nights you’ve tossed and turned imagining this exact moment. the exact moment when yeonjun tells you, to your face, that he has been in love with you for years—and you would confirm that you feel the same way, and all would be well and dandy and you’d finally be able to breathe.

but your breath gets caught in your lungs the moment you see yeonjun sitting on the couch with a movie paused on the screen, all of your favored dishes from your favorite takeout place laid out in an array on the glass coffee table in the middle of the living room. time moves in slow motion when his head turns towards you as you walk through the front door, those butterflies making their way back to your belly the moment his eyes lock onto yours.

he’s always so gorgeous—even after being on his feet for hours due to his long shift, he still manages to look positively effortless. his plush lips are slightly parted in a wide smile as he beckons you over, his hair bouncing on his forehead at the movement. he’s shining, the sunset casting a wonderful glow over the living room, making his pristine skin look even more angelic than it usually does.

you’re in love. you’re absolutely, absolutely enamored with the man in front of you.

it’s like a scene in a movie as you take a seat on the couch next to him, his arm coming to rest over your shoulders, pulling you into a tight side hug and… oh goodness, he smells so amazing. he’s had the same signature scent for years—a sweet grapefruit with hints of cedar and black currant. intoxicating, alluring. you subtly inhale as you bury your face in his shoulder, letting yourself bask in his warmth. his comfort.

you feel his body rumble with quiet laughter at the way you cling to him, his free hand coming up to pinch your cheek fondly.

“hello to you too,” he speaks and you pop your head up to smile at him.

“i missed you. i think i lost half of my sanity after that study session,” you mumble as you pull your knees up to your chest, pressing yourself closer to yeonjun’s side.

“wasn’t taehyun there to help, though?” yeonjun questions as he massages the back of your neck. you hum in response, your eyes slipping shut as your body relaxes.

“he’s the only reason i didn’t actually go insane,” you groan and yeonjun laughs a bit at your theatrics. “but enough of that. it’s friendiversary time!”

you try to ignore the anticipation bubbling in your chest as the night goes on. yeonjun seems to have pushed the “something” he’s been “waiting” to tell you to the back burner of his mind, laughing and joking around as per usual as some corny 2000s chick flick plays on the t.v. screen. you’re painfully aware though, your eyes glancing over at him during every bout of prolonged silence, trying to egg him on with subtle words—and by the time the movie finally ends, you think he’s forgotten completely.

but then he turns his body towards you, and if you weren’t already hyperfocused on his entire presence, you would’ve missed the way he takes a subtle deep breath, silently preparing himself for whatever he’s about to tell you. naturally, your body faces him as well, your hands in your lap as you dismiss the rapid pounding of your heart in your chest.

it’s finally happening.

yeonjun cracks a small smile to break the growing tension in the room and you swoon at the way his cheeks bunch up in that adorable way they do.

“soooo,” he starts and you can’t help but to smile a bit at his unusually awkward demeanor—choi yeonjun, you’re choi yeonjun, is actually nervous right now. something about it makes you feel a little fluttery; just the sight of his face reddening makes your stomach flip. he’s so cute.

“soooo…?” you echo, nudging his knee with yours. he chuckles a bit, one of his hands coming up to rub the back of his neck.

“remember how i said there’s something i’ve been waiting to tell you?” he speaks slowly as if he’s thinking of every word he says before they exit his mouth. you nod, trying to hide your growing grin. “so, um…”

this is it. this is it. your days of pining are finally over. you’ll be able to kiss, hug, and love yeonjun all you want, as loudly as you want. you’ll finally be his.

“i think i’m going to throw up from the suspense,” you blurt out and your words help to lighten the mood, yeonjun laughing again as his hand drops back down to his lap.

“i guess i’ll just say it then,” he inhales once before his next sentence tumbles off of his lips like an avalanche, destroying your world with every passing millisecond. you’re dunked underwater as your breath hitches in your throat, your hearing muffled as you watch yeonjun’s lips move, but none of it reaches your ears.

you can’t think. you don’t want to think. it’s all too sudden and you feel your hands tremble slightly in your lap as yeonjun’s eyes fill with adoration as he talks about the girl from his fashion department.

“we’re official. me and eunbin… we’re dating.”

he’s so happy as he lulls on about the exact moment everything happened; the way her eyes lit up, the way she jumped into his arms, the way she kissed him on the lips. how she’s so smart and mature. how she’s beautiful and confident and charming in every way. how she’s exactly what he needs at this point in his life.

how she isn’t you.

you have always kind of been aware of the fact that the girl had a crush on yeonjun. she’d always be by his side walking through campus, hanging off his arm like a koala, overly affectionate with skinship. but yeonjun was friendly too, and he’s touchy with all of his friends—it’s his love language. you’ve never thought too much of it seeing as yeonjun always returns home to you. cuddling you at night when you can’t sleep. cooking you breakfast and dinner almost every day. matching outfits with you. staying up late to talk with you.

you were just too stupid—too naive… too blinded by your own infatuation with the man to realize that his eyes weren’t set on you this entire time. you were just his comfort. his roommate. his best friend. and nothing more.

you aren’t sure if you’re still present in your body—it feels as if you’re watching the entire scene from afar, somewhere high up in the clouds. away from yeonjun. away from yourself.

you want to cry, already feeling a lump form in your throat as your waterline burns with tears, but yeonjun’s smile is the widest you’ve seen it be in a while, and those eyes… those same eyes you’ve found yourself getting lost in one too many times… they’re so big and bright tonight as he rambles on about this girl. this girl who is everything you’re not.

it feels as if your heart shrivels up and falls into your stomach right then, fighting to make a smile form on your trembling lips. you want to be joyful for your best friend—you really do—but it just hurts so, so much and you’re about to break at any second.

“i’m so happy for you, junnie,” you mumble out quietly, positive that if you speak any louder, your voice will crack and give it all away. yeonjun directs that endearing smile your way and you feel your heart break even more.

“thank you, y/n. you’re… you’re the first person i’ve told so i was a little nervous. thank you, really.” yeonjun lets out a sigh of relief as he pulls you into a hug. it should’ve been warm and cherished, filling you with nothing but precious feelings—but you can’t help that ice-cold feeling that washes over you as you inhale his citrusy cologne, patting his back with a shaky hand. when he pulls away, he has this little dazed smile on his face—he’s definitely thinking about her—and your gut churns with the ickiest feeling you’ve ever felt.

“you know it’s hard for me to open up to people,” he continues, and you aren’t sure how much longer you can sit here while holding in your tears. “but with her, it’s just like… it’s so natural and easy. she reminds me of you, actually. she always understands me in the way that you do.”

no, she doesn’t.

“i’m glad,” you mutter out and he doesn’t even process your short response, too busy lost in thought as he smiles down at his lap.

you can’t. you can’t.

“‘m gonna go to the bathroom,” you speak, standing before he even acknowledges your words. your tears are already falling down your cheeks as soon as you turn your back to him, your legs moving quicker than the speed of light as you shut the bathroom door behind you, letting it all rush out.

you muffle your quick breathing with the sleeve of your sweater so yeonjun can’t hear—you don’t want to ruin this moment for him. he’s still your best friend, and he deserves all of the happiness in the world. but you’re selfish and your heart hurts a little too much; all of those years of pining and chasing…

this truly sucks.

you don’t know how long you sit in there, but it must’ve been long enough for yeonjun to become worried seeing as a knock soon sounds from the door.

“y/n, you okay?”

you quickly pat your cheeks dry with your palm, nodding your head before remembering he can’t see you from the other side of the wall.

“yeah, ‘m just getting ready for bed!” you call out, cringing slightly at your hoarse voice. hearing an affirmative hum from yeonjun in the hallway, you turn on the sink to wash the tear tracks from your face.

now this is definitely a friendiversary to remember.

taehyun has always had a knack for being incredibly perceptive—you like to call it his “kitty senses”, the way his nose twitches cutely when he spots something in the distance, or the way he perks up when he hears something interesting. he always seems to be aware of the space and those around him, noticing the little things, and paying close attention to detail. maybe that’s the reason why he blinks so little; he’s always keeping an eye out for the minuscule things people usually overlook.

so when your laugh isn’t quite as full as it usually is, and your smile doesn’t fully reach your eyes, and your fingers keep fidgeting with the zipper of your jacket—taehyun knows something is up.

it’s not like you’re not trying to hide it. you had made sure to put on extra concealer that morning to hide your sleepy eyes from your lack of sleep, which is useless because already sure you’ll be crying it off by the end of the day. you try to joke around with taehyun as usual, but you can’t seem to stop your mind from drifting.

it hurts—it hurts so bad, and as much as you wish to just accept reality and move on, some part of you still wants to believe that this is all a dream. some horrible, horrible joke the universe decided to play on you. you just want it to all be over.

taehyun’s over at your place today. yeonjun has work until 6 and you really don’t think you can bring yourself to leave the dark, brooding coven that has become your bedroom, so you came up with a flimsy excuse of the library being too hot to study in today.

“let’s take a break,” taehyun’s voice sounds from your desk, successfully making you look up from where you’re laid stomach down on your bed. in all honesty, you’ve been repeatedly reading the same sentence for the past ten minutes, drawing the conclusion that you’re definitely not going to get anything done today.

you sigh with a small nod, moving to sit crisscross as you shut your laptop, feeling your shoulders slump. taehyun’s watching you—you can feel his eyes follow your movement as you move your laptop to your bedside table, your lips adorning a permanent frown.

you don’t even bother to check your phone as you flop backward onto your bed; it’s not yeonjun’s fault that you feel this way—you know that. he’s not responsible for the way your stomach swoops when he smiles, or the way your skin tingles when his hand lingers on your face for a little too long. it’s your fault for jumping to conclusions, for seeing everything through rose-tinted glasses.

it’s your fault for falling for him so hard.

and here comes that feeling again; that lump in your throat, the churning of your insides, the sting behind your eyes. too caught up in your own thoughts, you don’t process the dip in your bed as taehyun takes a seat next to you.

“are you alright?”

his voice is oh so soft as you turn your head to look at him—those big eyes scan over your body as he tries to read what’s wrong, seeing his kitty senses working a thousand miles a second. you catch the way his fingers twitch as if he wants to touch you, but his body is stiff with uncertainty.

you almost want to cry simply at the way he so obviously cares, his brows knit together, eyes searching yours for an answer you aren’t giving him. he’s lovely, you render, as you scoot over to give him some space to slip in next to you as you curl up to his side. it’s nothing new; you’re used to sharing a bed with taehyun to get in quick power naps during cramming, or to scroll through your phones in silence, just enjoying each other’s company.

but something feels different this time as he wraps his arm around you, his fingers tickling your arm. your head rests on his shoulder while your index finger draws random patterns on his chest, his black t-shirt bunching and scrunching up with the movement. it’s quiet as he strokes your arm, the pads of his fingers making goosebumps rise to your sensitive skin. you don’t realize how bad you need this—the warmth of his body is so nice and you can already feel your walls coming down as you sniffle, a few tears escaping your eyes.

“‘m gonna get your shirt all wet,” you mumble, and taehyun just laughs a bit, resting his head on top of yours.

“i don’t mind,” he replies quietly and you immediately break, the dam collapsing as your tears soak into his shirt, accepting all of the untamed emotions running wild inside of your body. taehyun holds you silently and gently, his thumb brushing over your skin in an attempt at solace.

heartbreak is a weird, weird thing. it feels like you’re yearning for something that you know you’ll never have. craving the touch of someone you’ll never be able to hug and kiss and love in the way you want to. you don’t believe you’ve ever felt anything like this before.

so you let yourself cry, and cry, and cry as taehyun nuzzles his cheek into your hair—a silent reminder that he’s still right here next to you.

he doesn’t ask any questions, and in a way, you’re thankful for that. what would you even say? your bestfriend broke your heart even though you guys were never together in the first place? it sounds ridiculous in any way you can think of wording it, so you bask in the silence as you let everything out.

by the time your tears slow down, your fingers are clenching the front of taehyun’s shirt like a lifeline… and he lets you hold onto him for as long as you need. you don’t know what you have ever done to deserve a friend like him. always ready to catch you when you fall, giving reassurance when you need it, and always prepared to lend a helping hand.

you find yourself lifting your head to find taehyun’s eyes already on you, his hand slipping from your arm to your waist at your movement. his eyes are clouded with apprehension, and you’re sure you look an absolute mess right now with your swollen eyes and tear-stained skin. but there is something left unsaid in the air as your eyes trail down to his pink lips; his hand grips your waist a little tighter, his big eyes flickering quickly between yours.

his eyes are different than yeonjun’s—while yeonjun’s are filled with memories of home and familiarity, taehyun’s are present and swirling with unadulterated want. he wants to be here with you.

everything is muted save for your air conditioning, the quiet hum from the fan of taehyun’s laptop sitting on your desk, and the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears.

you shouldn’t do it. you know this is a bad, bad, bad idea. you’re still not over yeonjun—you’re not ready to move on yet. but that feeling of heartbreak and pure longing wraps around your brain and you just need something, someone to make it all pause. the feeling of taehyun’s hand on your waist is grounding as his thumb brushes over your your clothed skin, his dark brown irises still fixated on you, waiting. and waiting. and waiting.

your lips are on his before you can give anything another thought.

he kisses you as delicately as he holds you, giving you the lead, and allowing you to take whatever you want from him. his lips are incredibly soft—you taste his vanilla and peppermint chapstick on your tongue, getting lost in the slightly tingly sensation. your mind is hazy as your hand trails up from his chest to the side of his neck, feeling his pulse under the pads of your fingers, pressing closer to him to deepen the kiss.

his tongue swipes across your bottom lip in silent permission and you gladly give in, parting your lips for him. a quiet moan slips out as his free hand tugs your thigh over his waist, moving you to straddle him. his body is firm and sturdy underneath you, your hands falling to his shoulders as you steady yourself.

it should end here… it really should—but then taehyun tilts his head and takes your bottom lip in between his teeth and his hands are so heavy and pleasant on your waist and you’re reminded of citrus and home and…

he pulls away slowly, his chest rising and falling quickly as he stares up at your figure.

“y/n…”

his breathy voice quickly makes you come to your senses.

guilt overrides your body as you realize—you just took advantage of your friend’s kindness and company, all because of your own stupid feelings. a grave emotion washes over you as you shake your head, quickly moving off of his body as taehyun sits up.

because only then does it dawn on you that you were pretending taehyun’s lips were yeonjun’s.

“hey, hey, it’s okay—”

“no, i can’t—fuck, i’m so sorry, taehyun,” you spill out as you climb off of him, creating distance between the two of you, unable to meet his hurt eyes. you don’t want to cry again, but the stinging behind your eyes comes back in full force. the shame is too much; taehyun is so kind and you just—you used him for temporary validation. “you should… you should go.”

taehyun is silent and you see him nod in the peripheral of your vision, lingering for a second before he slips off of your bed. he’s quiet and quick as he collects his things, and your eyes only watch his figure once his back is turned toward you. you try to pretend you don’t notice the weighted gaze he gives you before leaving.

it’ll give you one less thing to cry about tonight.

you need another drink.

the slight buzz in your body is not enough to blur out the sight in front of you as you lean against the wall holding a plastic cup tightly in your hand. you’ve never really had a problem with pda—if couples want to show their admiration for each other in public, then so be it. it isn’t any of your business, truly.

but now, your stomach seems to lurch as you watch eunbin kiss up yeonjun’s neck, sitting prettily in his lap on the living room couch as yeonjun smiles that perfect smile at something she whispers in his ear. theoretically, you can simply look away, or walk away, even—but your feet stay planted where they are as your hands shake slightly.

you aren’t sure how long heartbreak is supposed to linger, or how long it should take before you stop thinking about how that could’ve been you… should’ve been you. jealousy is one hell of an emotion, and you try your absolute best to keep it at bay; yeonjun owes you nothing, but the spite eats away at you as you bring your nearly empty drink back up to your lips.

a body shuffles up next to you, but you don’t pay them any mind, your ears ringing with the pulse of the music reverberating through the walls. you’re definitely not drunk enough to enjoy the atmosphere, too hyperfocused on the way yeonjun’s head tips back in a hearty laugh as eunbin swats at his chest playfully.

“you look like you need some air.”

your head whips to the side at the words, coming face-to-face with taehyun, his eyes holding a type of intensity you’ve never seen before. a dejected laugh leaves your lips as you tilt your head back, nodding slightly in response.

“yeah, i probably do.”

taehyun’s hand is slipping into yours before you can even process his grip, tugging you towards the front door of the house. there aren’t too many people in the front yard—just a small group passing a blunt on the porch, someone in an intense argument on the phone, and a few people loitering by their cars.

you follow taehyun to the steps of the porch, taking a seat on the cement. it’s dark out, but the air is still slightly humid, making your skin feel sticky and warm. taehyun’s hand is still in yours as you scoot closer to him to allow some people to walk up the other half of the steps, your thigh pressing against his.

he’s silent as he looks ahead, and you can feel tension filling in the space around you both. it’s been a couple of weeks since you two have spoken—you’ve felt too guilty to face him after that kiss, but now you find yourself looking over at his figure. maybe the alcohol is working better than you thought.

his brows are slightly furrowed, one of his legs bouncing up and down incessantly. the low glow of the porch light illuminates him in a way that makes it impossible to look away, your eyes trailing from his cat-like eyes, to the slope of his nose, to his soft lips.

his soft lips.

you rip your eyes away from them. you aren’t going to make the same mistake twice.

“y/n, did i do something wrong?” taehyun questions quietly, his eyes finally landing on your face. there’s something cloudy and uncertain behind them, something that you can’t quite put a name to.

“no, taehyun, you didn’t—it’s not your fault. i’m just…” you sigh, your gaze focusing on the way his thumb brushes over the back of your hand. “there’s a lot on my mind right now.”

taehyun nods slowly, turning his head away from you again.

“is there anything i can do to help?”

he doesn’t mention the kiss. he doesn’t mention the way you’ve practically been avoiding his existence.

you don’t know if it’s your tipsy state, or if it’s the way his body heat radiates onto you or the way his eyes flicker back up to yours when you’re quiet for a second—but then you catch the way they travel down to your lips and you’re in the backseat of his car in the blink of an eye.

it’s warm, too warm, as you straddle his lap, your hands tangled into his hair as he kisses down your neck, hands on your hips to steady you. you don’t want to think anymore—you don’t want to hang onto something you’ll never have.

so you let taehyun distract you at this moment.

“you can use me however you’d like,” he breathes out heavily as your hands come to rest on his chest. “use me to get over him.”

your body stiffens as the words slip out of his mouth, meeting his eyes in the darkness of the car.

“how… how did you…?” your voice is breathless as you trail off, the corners of his lips quirking up into a sad smile.

“i’ve always noticed the way you look at him, y/n.”

your eyes are unfocused in the low light as you gaze at taehyun’s state, his pupils blown wide in the darkness of the car, only a side of his face lit up golden from the street lights outside. his lips are bright pink and bitten raw, his fading pink hair messy and falling onto his forehead in fluffy waves. he’s always been gorgeous, a fact you could never deny, but in this moment, he looks absolutely unreal.

sudden guilt fills your chest at the thought, shaking your head quickly.

“i can’t do that to you, taehyun,” you replied weakly. he’s shaking his head now, his big hand coming up to cup your cheek, thumb brushing your soft skin delicately.

“i want you to. i hate seeing you like this,” his hand drops down to cover one of yours, feeling his chest rise and fall under your palm. “i’ll do anything you want me to, y/n. you just have to say the words.”

his voice is low and faint, gazing at you with his pretty brown eyes. they flicker in between yours, trying to read the emotions on your face in the limited light. you nibble on your lip as you feel his rapid heartbeat through his shirt, your mind scattered and dizzy.

“please. let me help you.”

a hot flash courses through your body at the pure desperation in his voice—and something in you snaps at that exact moment, your lips crashing onto his vanilla and peppermint ones. the kiss is messy and feverish as your hands run up and down his torso, teeth clashing with the vehemence of it all. you feel his hands drop to your hips, holding you down onto him as his tongue explores your mouth, running across your teeth, swiping across your lips. he tastes like cheap liquor, and you’re sure you do too, but it doesn’t matter at this moment.

you press down on him, your hands running over his toned stomach, up to his pecs, over his shoulders; anything you can reach. you shut your mind off, not letting yourself focus on anything other than taehyun taehyun taehyun taehyun.

he’s moving you, you realize as your back presses against the cool leather of his back seat. he doesn’t break the kiss once as he hovers over you, hiking your skirt up to run his hand up your leg, running his nails over the sensitive skin of your thigh. you allow your legs to fall open so he can comfortably slot himself in between them, feeling his bulge press against your pulsing core just right.

a faint gasp leaves your lips as he grinds against your clothed cunt, already feeling yourself leaking through the thin fabric. one of your legs wraps around him to pull him even closer to you, drowning out all of your senses with the scent of his cologne, his hair tickling your cheek as he kisses down your neck. his hand leaves your thigh to slip under your top before his fingers dance over your stomach, brushing over your bra—admiring every inch of you as you arch up into his touch.

“tell me what you want, baby,” he pants against your neck, nipping the flesh there. you stifle a moan as his fingers brush over the wet spot on your panties. “come on, use your words.”

“i want… fuck—i want your fingers in me.”

he’s quick to obey, pushing your panties to the side to rub his middle finger up and down your dripping slit, a low groan leaving his lips as your hand finds its way to his hair, tugging at the pink strands to hurry him up.

you moan softly as he slips his first finger in, curling it upwards as he pumps in and out of your clenching hole. the car is filled with the sounds of your soaked cunt, his heavy pants, and your moans as he finger fucks you, slipping in another two easily with how wet you are. his fingers are incredibly long and slender, reaching parts of you that you’ve never been able to hit by yourself.

when his lips find yours again, it’s much slower, his fingers matching the restrained pace as he kisses you deeply, devouring all of your little noises. your hips buck up as his thumb rubs circles onto your swollen clit, your fingers tightening in his hair.

he seems to be in no rush as he takes you apart slowly, hitting that spot inside of you perfectly as you leak onto his seat, body shaking with pleasure. there’s a small smile resting on his lips when he pulls back to peer down at you, taking in the way your lips part and your brows furrow as he speeds up, pressing down on your clit just right.

you can’t control the noises leaving your lips as you grind onto his hand, chasing your high as he pumps into you. his actions don’t slow down when he moves up to capture your lips again, curling his fingers inside of you as his thumb rubs your clit. you grab his biceps, needing something to ground you as you feel your impending orgasm rushing upon you.

“taehyun—fuck, ‘m cumming…”

he swallows all of your moans as you tip over the edge, your back arching up into his hold as white fills your vision. you can hear the gentle praise leaving his lips through the ringing of your ears, your body left feeling fuzzy and warm as his fingers slow before gradually pulling out of your sensitive hole.

“so good for me,” he mutters against your lips, his own traveling down your jaw. you feel dizzy as you catch your breath, leaning into his touch.

“i need you,” you mumble as he lifts his head to catch your gaze. he looks completely enamored, his big eyes glossy, reflecting the light from the street lamps outside. “i need you in me. fuck me, taehyun.”

he smiles before sitting back to undo his pants. “anything you want, baby.”

it’s all a blur as he’s back on top of you again, his length hard and throbbing against his stomach as he captures your lips again. his hands roam every piece of your skin he can touch, sucking marks onto your collarbone. claiming you.

you reach down to grab his heavy dick in your hand, stroking him a few times. he sighs lowly in your ear, whispering praise and encouragement that just turns you on even more. it’s hard to be patient when taehyun is bucking up into your hand, your mind clouding up by his hot tongue trailing over your skin. he seems to sense your urgency, placing one last kiss on your lips before lining up with your entrance.

“i’ve got you,” he whispers as if his voice was only made for you to hear. you nod quickly, wrapping your arms around his neck as he presses his forehead against yours. the heat radiating from his body manages to make your clothed, scorching skin even warmer, moaning out softly once you feel him push into you. his eyes flutter shut as you clench around him. “fuck—you feel so good.”

you bite your lip to keep quiet as he slowly thrusts into you, wrapping your other leg around his waist as if it would bring you impossibly closer to him. your fingers tangle gently in his hair, tugging slightly in a way that drives him absolutely crazy.

soft grunts leave his lips once he speeds up, the sound of skin on skin drowning out the muffled music in the distance. your eyes are half-lidded as you strain to keep them open, wanting to watch the way his jaw clenches and his brows furrow. it’s all too much as you take in the fluttery tickles of his lips on your cheek and jaw, the way he stretches you out with his thick cock, the way his hands tightly grip onto your waist as if you could disappear at any moment.

every thrust into your heat makes your stomach flip with pleasure, getting lost in the feeling of his hips snapping against yours perfectly. he kisses you once more before he leans back, hands slipping down your hips to fuck you even harder, the car rocking with his strokes. you can’t control your sounds anymore, getting closer and closer to the edge with every move. you can tell he’s getting close too by the way his rhythm falters — his grip on you is tight, and you know there would be marks to cover up by the morning.

“‘m so close,” you squeak out as he intertwines one of your hands, his other forearm resting by your head to lean down to kiss your lips again.

“me too, baby,” he speaks against your lips, his hips stuttering. “you’re so perfect, y/n, fuck.”

you can already feel your high crashing upon you with one last stroke, your own whimpers falling deaf to your ears as his words tip you over the edge. your body buzzes with electricity as you clench around him, feeling him pump his thick ropes of cum into you at the action, his moans high and breathy in your ear as you cum together.

it takes you a second to come back to your surroundings, blinking your eyes open to see taehyun watching you, silently stroking your hair. he’s still nestled inside of you, but you don’t really mind. he leans down to capture your lips again—it’s passionate and unrushed as he tries to convey every single emotion he’s feeling, his hands coming up to cradle your face.

you can’t think of anything other than the way your heart flutters as he breaks the kiss to rest his forehead against yours, his breathing still uneven as his eyes open to gaze into yours.

“thank you,” you whisper, your stomach swooping as he smiles, that dimple on his right cheek peeking out in the darkness.

“don’t thank me,” and his voice is dripping with so much sincerity, you find yourself unable to look away from his eyes, your hand coming up to rest on top of his. with a small giggle, you glance down at your intertwined bodies.

“i think we should clean up,” you speak light-heartedly as your nose brushes taehyun’s, and he lets out a small puff of laughter, nodding in agreement.

you don’t know what any of this means anymore—how your heart flutters at the way taehyun gently cleans you up before pulling you back in his lap to kiss you silly, how he drives you home, walking you up to your door with your fingers interlaced with his. how you linger for a moment, not wanting to leave his side so soon even though you can barely keep your eyes open long enough to unlock the front door.

but all you know is that yeonjun doesn’t cross your mind again for the rest of the night.

reblogs are very much appreciated!

masterlist

©️BEOM-PYU

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formulafics · 2 months

Note

Hi there! I just wanted to come on here and say firstly I love your fics so much like they are amazingly good and also wanted to say keep up the good work :)

And secondly what tips would you give someone who wants to make their own smau?

And I hope you are having a good day/night ❤️❤️

A fic writers guide to figuring out how to create your own smau’s, and not lose your mind doing it!

A/N: Hi! Thank you so much, I appreciate it 🥹🫶🏻 Also, i’m sorry it’s taken me a while to answer you! <3 Since I get asked this quite a bit, I went ahead and made an ‘official’ post for it. You can ask any other questions in the comment, or through my ask box!

First and foremost, I’ve made a few posts about this, and as I always say, i’m still figuring it out myself, so take this advice lightly, as you may not agree with all of it as you make your own works! This is solely from my experiences as someone who’s been writing and making fanfictions for at least 4 years.

✎ ✐ CREATING SMAU’S 📱

This account is the first account i’ve made Social Media au’s on! Therefore, i’ve only been doing these for a little over 4 months.

My first tip is to play around with your layout! When you read smau’s, i’m sure you notice that almost every fic has a different look. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, just mess with it until you find what you like!

My second tip is to use whatever app your creating in the fic as reference. What I mean is, even though I do not use twitter, I have it downloaded so I can look at tweets and the responses, in an attempt to mirror that in my works! Same goes for instagram, and any other social media app you use! I also use the profile pictures that the drivers have by looking at their pages, as well as what other drivers/celebs like their posts.

Add on to the second tip: While I suggest doing that, It is up to you! Youre creating a fictional story and if you’d rather take the likes and responses into your own hands, that’s okay! That’s a part of learning what you like, but I added it as it’s something that I personally find incredibly helpful at times.

My third tip, and possibly my most important one is to have. a. layout. Fanfictions, for me, are so much easier to create when I take the time to lay it all out! You can either make a draft on Tumblr or use your notes app to just make bullet points of the order your story should go. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it’s genuinely so helpful in allowing you to keep track of your story, as well as not missing any of the points you want in your fic! I find that if I make a smau without a layout, there are often small mistakes that I only notice after it’s posted, and while it’s not that bad, It’s still much more satisfying to not have those mistakes.

My fourth tip is working smarter not harder. That’s not to say that if you don’t use these things, you’re not smart - in fact, to any smau creators that edit everything themselves instead of using a generator, mad props to you. However, if you’re interested in the generator, I use it for my twitter posts! I also added some other apps I use when creating my fics.

⌕ TWITTER GENERATOR LINK

-> used to create my twitter threads

⌕ COPY AND PAST SYMBOLS

-> symbols used in my fics, and to decorate my blog!

my symbol archive: © ★ ❀ ⋆ ⤷ ⤻ ⌕ ⌇ ⌗ ✎ ✐

⌕ PICSART

-> used to crop pictures, add filters to them, as well as the border you see on my tweets! it’s free (with some restrictions if you don’t pay), but still has a good selection of ways to edit.

⌕ PHONTO

-> the best phont app i’ve come across. used to create my header and any pictures you see with words on them, such as the header for this here post!

⌕ CANVA

-> i don’t use this one a ton, mostly because i forget about it, but it’s incredibly helpful for creating magazine esque covers, and i usually would use it for adding an article to my fic!

My fifth tip is to not worry about the length of your smau. It doesn’t matter if your fic is one instagram post or 20 of them, just do what you want to do, and what you enjoy doing!

Other than that, I honestly don’t have many tips! Just take your time, use inspo when needed, and have fun with it. At the end of the day, people just enjoy having more content of their favorite drivers!

✎ ✐ WRITING FANFICTION 💻

While I have yet to write full fanfictions on this account, a majority of my time in the fanfiction universe has been spent writing, so here are some tips for that, if anyone wants them!

1. Take your time: It’s so easy to get into the “I just want this done” mindset, but that is not helpful at all! It’s important to try and remember that there’s no deadline for you to complete your works. Slow and steady wins the race. I once wrote a 15k word fanfiction and it took me over two weeks, and even then, I tried to rush it, and that gave me MAJOR burn out. In fact, after that fic, I deactivated the account I had, and took a long break from something I enjoy, writing.

2. Use inspiration to your advantage: Even if you already have a good plot and layout for your story, it never hurts to find pictures and prompts that you can include. Take the time to understand the overall vibe/concept of your plot, then take to tumblr to try and find some pictures that fit it! This can also help motivate you when you’re feeling writers block.

3. As with the smau’s, have a layout. When I write fics, especially long, in depth pieces, I like to break the plot apart and write in portions, then add it together at the end, rather than one straight shot for the whole thing! I hate when i’m in the middle of a story and realize I completely missed a certain scenario I wanted to have in the fic, or when I forgot to emphasize something.

And those are all of the big tips I have for writing!

✎ ✐ THE MENTAL ASPECT 🧠

While writing and creating fanfiction is fun, and can be a stress reliever, it can also be a stress inducing activity, especially when you run an account doing it. As someone with ADHD, and a chronic overthinker, I have tendencies to stress myself out with a number of things, so here are some tips on avoiding that.

First, remember that this is a hobby. This is supposed to be fun, so if you aren’t having fun, consider stepping back. Try to determine why you’re not enjoying it, and go from there.

“I feel overwhelmed with requests.” Almost anyone who writes fanfiction has likely been here - so, know you aren’t alone. When requests start overwhelming you, I would suggest to close them, then take a break from them! Remember that they are requests, not requirements. If you don’t like an idea or aren’t motivated to write it, do not write it. As much as it can suck to have to deny a request or put it on the back burner, it’s not worth forfeiting something you enjoy.

“I just don’t know how to write/create this” That’s okay! Like almost anything in life, it’s a process of learning. Yes, it’s frustrating, but try to remember that this will probably teach you something that will be helpful in the future! If you do not want to take a break, consider looking at prompts and inspiration for your story. Take the time to reflect on your original plot or idea, and either try to change things, or add things that help your idea come together. Also know that if you’re struggling with ideas, many fic writers are probably willing to help you out! While I can’t speak for everyone, i’m more than happy to help.

“I want to write, but at the same time, I don’t enjoy it that much.” This is a feeling that you either understand or don’t, and it’s a good thing if you don’t, but is completely okay if you do! This is a sign of burnout or writers block, and unfortunately, many of us go through it. Like any other hobby, when you do it for an extended period of time, or hyperfixate on it all the time, you may find that you want to do it, but can’t enjoy it. Time should fix this, but you can also reach out to other writers, or even those who read your work! When this happens, either take a step back to remind yourself why you enjoy writing, or take on a new idea, with no commitment. Just write something that comes to your mind, and hopefully it’ll allow you to unclog your brain. (That sounds kind of mean, but I don’t mean for it to lmao.)

Secondly, if you can have a friend or mutual that will help build on your ideas, that is so incredibly helpful. Even if said person is just there to provide some prompts or pictures when you need it, it’s a life saver. That being said, I know not everyone just has this, so the least I can offer is my own inbox and dms.

Huge shoutout to @renarots. I’m sure by now you guys are used to me mentioning her in my fics, but she truly truly has helped me so so much and I cannot imagine making these fics without them. 🥹❤️ And also they’re one of the best friends i’ve ever had, echo chamber aside.

Lastly, write whatever the fuck you want to write. Fanfiction is a world of its own. There’s room for any and everything. As long as you aren’t being downright offensive and harmful, write whatever it is you’d like to, because there is bound to be a number of people who absolutely cherish your work. That’s part of the beauty of this app.

#i fucking love yapping #dae’s yapping 🗣️#writing tips #social media au #tips for writers

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goatcheesecak3 · 5 months

Note

HI UR WRITING IS INCREDIBLE UR SO COOL

i was wondering (if your requests are still open) if you could do a dean taylor fic with a GN reader where he lowkey has a breakdown and his partner helps him through it??

just rewatched the entitled, so brainrot is strong lmao

feel free to ignore !!

Nightmare

Dean Taylor x gn!reader

A/n hello! I've actually had this fic in the drafts for about a month, I just never got round to finishing it, so thanks for the suggestion and giving me the metaphorical kick up the arse I needed to finish it :^))) and thank you so much for saying you like my other stuff! It means a lot :^)))

Contains: angst, fluff, not catered to any gender in particular, brief mentions of hostage situation, gun violence

It had been nearly a year since that fateful night. The night you'd stopped Dean from making the worst mistake of his life, the night neither of you were supposed to survive, the night that still haunted both of you. That scumbag Paul had had Dean and Jenna both wrapped around his fingers, with empty promises of a better life and revenge against those who'd wronged them. You'd never bought Paul's act, but it want until it was almost too late that you realised just how awful he really was.

That sinking feeling, when you finally realised what was to happen to Dean was nothing short of mortal dread. You had been sat in your apartment, having opted out of the scheme, because something about it just didn't seem right. Pondering, desperately trying to find the cause of this uneasy feeling, when all of a sudden the pieces just fell into place, and your worst fears were confirmed. You recalled the pit in your stomach bubbling, with rage, fear and nausea all at once, because you'd just realised that Paul had planned to kill your beloved Dean that night.

Almost a year on from that night, you and Dean were both finally leaving those memories in the past. The pair of you had moved to a new city, began to get your lives together, and from an outsider perspective, you almost seemed like a normal couple. But in the dead of night, when no one else was around, you knew that the two of you were bound by your secrets, by your shared pain, sorrow and scars.

"Get off her/him/them" Dean mumbled in his sleep. He was having that dream again.

You held him close to you, hoping that by some miracle your touch would be enough to stop him from reliving that night.

You knew exactly what part of the night he was dreaming about. You'd gone to the house where the scheme was taking place, and were trying to find a way to get Dean out without alerting anyone else. That was when Jenna found you lurking about the property, and had frogmarched you into the house at gunpoint, all too eager to finish you off execution-style. Thanks to Dean, you'd both made it out alive, but it was a close call. You were certain that your fate had been sealed, and you'd never forget that feeling.

It would appear that Dean was never to forget that feeling either, as he stirred in his sleep. You watched his brows furrow, his lips quiver as he mumbled incoherent sounds and his hands gripped the bedsheets. He'd wake himself up soon.

You got to work turning the lamp on, and cracking the window slightly. The cool air would hopefully help bring Dean back to reality, and the warm orange glow from the lamp that illuminated the room, would help him realise he was safe in his bedroom the second he woke up.

Dean let out a choked gasp, as he sat bolt upright. His eyes huge and bug-like, his breathing shallow and fast. His hands scrambled across the bedsheets, searching for nothing in particularly, until your hands found them.

"Dean, honey?" You said, taking his hands in your own and rubbing them softly.

His eyes darted to you, and without hesitation, he threw himself at you in a hug, holding you tight and hiding his face in your chest, letting out small quiet sobs.

"Shhhh, baby, it's okay. It was just a dream. That's all, just a bad dream," you rubbed his back soothingly and kissed the top of his head.

"Sh.. she was gonna kill you," Dean blubbered, trembling in your arms like a lost puppy.

"But you saved me, baby!" You whispered reassuringly, "look at me, Dean, come on"

You tenderly held his chin and tilted his face to look at you, running your thumb over his skin to calm him as you did so.

"My brave boy, you saved me, didn't you?"

Dean's big sad eyes blinked away tears, as he nodded timidly. It pained you to see your usually cocky and laid back boyfriend so frightened.

You pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead and ran your fingers over his cheek.

"It's okay, baby. It's over now, we're safe."

He nuzzled into your chest again, his clammy hands gripping tightly at your nightshirt.

"Every time I close my eyes it's like I'm back in that fucking house" he cried, his tone sounding ever so slightly angry, but mostly just defeated and hurt.

"I know, I know" you cooed, stroking his head and rubbing his back, "come on, let's get you some fresh air, it'll calm you down."

You picked up a blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped it around Dean's trembling shoulders, carefully taking him out to the balcony.

Two rusty iron chairs sat facing out to the city, with an equally dishevelled iron table, home to an overflowing ashtray. You and Dean took your seats and let the cool midnight air wash over you, listening to the distant sounds of cars and late night party goers. After liberating two cigarettes from their packet, you handed one to Dean who took it eagerly. His hand shook like a leaf as he smoked, causing Ash to drop all over the balcony. You watched as Dean inhaled with deep, slow breaths, savouring every last bit of nicotine he could get. It wasn't your typical breathing exercise, but at least he wasn't hyperventilating anymore. These technically being your first cigarettes of the day, rendered the pair of you quite light headed and dizzy.

"How you feeling babe?" You asked quietly, not wanting to startle Dean.

"Tired.. and cold" he replied, groggily, sounding ever so slightly stuffy from crying.

"You wanna try going back to bed?"

He nodded, and stood up to head back inside, you followed.

He seemed calmer now, still clearly not doing well, but collected and less afraid.

The pair of you climbed into bed, and Dean crawled over to you, resting his head on your chest and draping his arm over you. He looked so sweet, his pink lips puffed out in a sleepy pout, his soft hands curled into relaxed fists, and his eyelids droopy.

"Night night, Dean" you whispered.

"Wait..." he mumbled

"Hm?"

"Can you do that thing where you rub my back again? It feels nice" he said, without opening his eyes, only shifting on his side slightly, to give you better access to his back.

"Course I can, babe" you smiled to yourself.

"Love you" he murmured, clearly more asleep than awake at this point.

"Love you too, big guy".

A/n hello! Sorry if this wasn't exactly the most "Dean" fic, it's really hard to write for him without either completely flanderizing him, or making him too cute and fluffy you know? I hope I did him justice though!

Replies and reblogs are very much appreciated! I thrive on your validation lmao

Requests are open! Check my pinned post for details and masterlist! <3

#dean taylor fanfic #dean taylor x reader #devon bostick dean taylor #the entitled dean #dean taylor #the entitled #devon bostick #dev bostick #rodrick #rodrick heffley #fluff #angst #not my rodrick

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juminsamore · 2 years

Text

Xiao...

Since i love angst. The 2.7 quest got me thinking. What if Xiao was somewhere he can't hear you?

medium length ig?

tw: death, blood

Xiao let's you know he'll be away. As always tell you to call him if you need him.

Little did he know he wouldn't be able to hear you...

During the week Xiao was away you decide to take on a few commissions to keep you busy

The first few days the commissions were pretty easy.

This day though. The commissions were a bit difficult. Fighting treasure hoarders. hilichurls and lastly a ruin hunter.

Running and dodging its bullets you stop for a quick breath. Not noticing it was charging at you with its melee attack. It sends you flying when it hit you. hitting the wall full force your vision gets a bit blurry. Looking down at where it hit you, you see a large gash.

Slowly getting up you look up as it comes at you with its drilling charge. "XIAO!!!" you scream as you push yourself to the ground just missing the attack. You look around and don't see him. Big mistake as the hunter starts slashing. slash you scream as the first slash hits you. "XIA-" slash the second slash also hits you and sends you flying again. you're bleeding profusely.

"XIAO!!" Still no sight of Xiao 'Has he abandoned me? no, he wouldn't do that you think to yourself.

You try to crawl into a small cave before it can attack once again. slash as you get closer to the cave it cuts your leg blood rushing out, you let out a blood-curdling scream. You manage to make it in at the last second before it can do its final attack. Sobbing as you try and put pressure on every injury you have. "Xiao, Xiao, Xiao please I need you" you keep repeating his name hoping he comes. Your body starts to feel numb. your breath slower and your vision fuzzy. voice barely audible but you don't stop calling his name "Xiao...." letting out his name one last time with your last breath. He never showed.

2 days later

Xiao finally makes it back to Wangshu Inn. He's disappointed when he doesn't see you, he expected to see you helping around and running into his arms when you saw him. He noticed people giving him apologetic looks as he walked up to Verr. He's confused on why. "Where's Y/N?" he asks Verr whose eyes start to water immediately "I'm sorry... Xiao" she tried to stop her sobs "Y/N...is no longer with us."

Xiao is confused by what she means "What do you mean by that?" he asks angrily glaring at Verr. "They...they were found in a cave... deceased. The people who found them said they heard Y/N calling your name before finding her too late" Xiao's blood runs cold. Surely this had to be false right? You wouldn't- You were strong- wait, you called out to him.... why couldn't he hear you? was it because of the chasm?

Verr turns around to pick something up and turns back to him handing the objects to him "Here you go...Their belongings" snapping him out of his thoughts. It was you're weapon and vision that no longer glowed.

Teleporting away to your favorite location in Liyue. He drops to his knees hugging the items close. Tears slowly rolled down his cheeks. "I'm sorry y/n. I've failed you." he starts to cry harder punching the ground. "I'm sorry my love. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry please call out my name once more... please." After that day the yaksha was seen less often than ever. He was colder than ever as well. In the rare moments' people would see him he'd always have a longing look in his eyes as if hoping to hear something.

ahhhh, it's been sitting in my drafts for a good month now.chubby reader is tagged bc I'm chubby so 😙

#Xiao x reader #Xiao angst #Xiao x reader angst #Genshin Impact #Genshin impact x reader #chubby reader #xiao genshin #xiao genshin impact #angst #genshin angst #genshin impact angst #x reader #x chubby reader #xiao

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siredlust · 1 year

Text

All Too Well

DOCTOR STRANGE FAN FICTION

GIF not mine

pairings : Stephen Strange x F!Reader

warnings / tags : ANGST, sad ending, bad writing, not proof-read

english is not the author’s first language – please excuse / point out if there are any grammatical mistakes.

➳ summary : After a year of being away and Y/N moving on from Stephen, they both stumbled upon each other.

Author’s Note : this has been in my drafts for MONTHS but i had to go hiatus because of school :,) but, i’m back now! a lot of people have been asking for part 2 so here it is! i hope you lot like this fic :) so sorry if it’s short and badly written, my writing’s getting sloppy

— I do not give permission for my work to be copied, uploaded, or distributed by anyone other than myself.

↳ MASTERLIST — PART ONE ༉‧₊˚✧

They say breakups give us a lesson—

An experience to have a relationship; to feel the highs and lows of it, the love, the happiness, the pain.

You took the plastic bag from the vendor and thanked him.

You walked out of the small shop and to the chilly sidewalk, you took your phone out and sent a quick text to Jeremy.

You put your phone back in your purse, bumping into someone in the process.

“I’m so sorry, I-!” You immediately forgot what you were going to say once you looked up and realized who you bumped into.

It was as if time had slowed down, like everything around you had been in slow motion the moment you recognized the dark haired man who had two white streaks on the side of his hair.

Stephen had just realized that he bumped into you as well and shock filled his features, “Y/N?” Whispered him.

“Yeah, Hello, Stephen.” You whispered, smiling slightly.

Stephen gulped, he still couldn’t believe seeing you in front of him after all these years, he tried to keep it cool so as to not show his heart that’s almost beating out of his chest, “Hi..” He said.

Neither of you looked away from each other’s eyes, still looking at one another as if you were both trying to read each other, “How have you been?” You said.

As if snapped out of a trance, Stephen blinked severally before responding, “I’ve been good.” He gave you a tight-lipped smile, “How about you, how have you been?”

The small smile on your face remained, “I’ve been great.” Your expression dropped a bit, “How are you and Christine?” You said, your voice unwavering.

Stephen gulped and looked down, a defeated look spreading across his face, “We, uhm,” he cleared his throat, “We never got engaged.” He pressed his lips together, “she got married with someone else.”

“Oh.” You whispered, looking anywhere but him.

They say to experience anything and everything in a relationship is a privilege.

To learn from your mistakes and to grow so you don’t make them again.

“Where have you been?” He whispered, hearing the defeat and sadness in his voice.

You looked at him causing your eyes to meet, “I moved to Canada a few days after we.. you know.” You bit the inside of your lip, “I got an offer to transfer from Metro-General to Toronto General and I accepted.”

“Oh.” It was his turn to say it.

You took a deep breath, “Stephen..” You said, looking up at him; his eyes never left your face, he looked at you the whole time—he couldn’t look away, “Just between us, did the love affair maim you, too?” You said softly.

Stephen opened his mouth to answer, “Hey, Y/N! Come on, you’re the only one we’re waiting for!” Yelled Jeremy, which caused you and Stephen to snap out of a trance you supposedly had, and looked at Jeremy’s direction.

“Coming!” You replied back, you looked back up at Stephen, “I’m sorry, Stephen, looks like I’ve got to go.” You chuckled softly.

“Of course.” He said, smiling softly.

You smiled, and caressed his arm before going towards Jeremy.

Stephen noticed snow had started to fall from the sky. He put his hand out and a snowflake fell on his palm, the glistening of it causing him to have a short flashback of the time you and he had fun with snow.

Just between you, he remembers it all too well.

TAGLIST : @typical-bistander @strangeobsessed

#Spotify #dr strange x reader angst #dr strange x reader #stephen strange x reader #stephen strange x reader angst #stephen strange fanfiction #dr strange fanfiction #marvel #doctor strange #dr strange #doctor strange x reader #doctor strange x reader angst #all too well #siredlust

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transmogrified-in-the-void · 10 months

Text

Hey 18-20 year olds? You’ve only just started the hardest part of growing up: learning how the hell to do that and how to be an adult. And yeah, I’m in the same boat, here’s some things that have helped me so far

- a friend who is older than you

My best friend is 7 years older than me, and he’s been able to give me so much advice on personal philosophy, how to work on personal issues, etc.

- a friend who holds you accountable/is very honest with you

having a friend who will take you aside and tell you “x thing you’re doing is actually making y hard/unfun/stressful/etc.” is more valuable than yes men friends. These are the friends who will question life decisions if they seem to make you unhappy, in the pursuit of making sure you’re exactly where you need to be.

- learning how to make accountable apologies

Here’s how I structure my apologies now, and I’ve had not only good reactions and conversations afterwards, but I’ve had to use them in various ways. “I’m sorry about x. Y was happening, and instead of doing x thing I should have done z thing. Again, I’m sorry.” It not only has removed the loathed “but”, but it also allows for explanation and a plan on how to avoid it. I will also sometimes add “I’ll try my best to do z thing” if I know I’m going to need some time to fully erase the mistake if it was a habit, but in general that helps a lot.

- start trying to find who is a small dose person and who’s a large dose person

What is a small dose person? For example: I know someone who I can only be around for maybe an hour when with other people before I become irritated by their presence. Is it their fault I’m irritated by them? No, and they’ll never know I am. Because I’m only around them for around an hour once every few months. That’s small dose. It’s the “you’re not a bad person I just cannot be around you for long periods of time”.

- if things you read on social media/the internet make you emotional, restructure how you spend your time

Here’s a really hot take. For those who were tuned in for the dungeons and dragons drama, I’m about to tell you guys something crazy. The draft that was leaked was actually incredibly lenient (I can’t remember what it was called haha). How do I know this? I could tell I was getting a little heated and sent it to a friend who knows way more about that sort of stuff and asked for his opinion, and he told me about other examples of it that were more harsh but not lambasted. If you read a headline or a post or tweet and get up in arms, take a step back and take a breath. You don’t have the time to get emotional about every little thing, you’re too busy growing up.

- make friends or acquaintances who don’t believe the same thing as you

My best friend is a centrist who leans more right than left. I am more left leaning than he is by a good amount. We both have very enlightening conversations because of that. Here’s the funny thing, I do hold some right leaning beliefs anyways because that better supports the area I live in. I don’t want the government grabbing the land around me because they’ve proven to be incompetent. I’m fine with looser gun control because there have been times where mountain lions just. Appear in my city. We have an overpopulation of wolves right now. A few other ones I don’t feel like sharing. My friend has changed how he views certain issues and so I have I because we talk about what we disagree about. If they respect you, they’ll debate but not argue

- not everything is about you

Building off that last point, not every counterpoint is an attack on you. It can feel like it, because you’re still expanding the telescope you see out of into two working eyes (I’m still getting there too), so being able to say to yourself that this is either a) bigger than you or b) not about you at all can help you get through more conversations more levelheaded

- you’re in puberty

Final thing: your body is still a hormonal war zone. Emotions are heightened, thought processes are everywhere, you are still growing up. Give yourself time. And grace. And kindness.

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fiapartridge · 10 months

Note

You said will and daisy are mine by Taylor swift coded how so?

omfg i've been waiting for this ask

You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables Left a small town, never looked back I was a flight risk, with a fear of fallin' Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts

daisy has always been scared of love (even though she has so much to give). her parents didn't really express their love as they always expected the best from their kids in everything they do: in school, in athletics, in being a good person in general - so she didn't want to be in a relationship where it would just end up in heartbreak

that's why she was so reluctant to be with will (she hated him for a while, but after hanging out with him without gabe around 24/7, she realized that he wasn't that bad - and that she really liked him)

I say, "Can you believe it?" As we're lyin' on the couch The moment, I can see it Yes, yes, I can see it now

daisy and will confessed their feelings during the summer before her senior year (+ the summer before will's 1st year at college -> they confessed their feelings at the draft) & they officially got together (in secret) during her senior year & they went public during her first year at bc.

they were hanging out in will's apartment the day they went public and they were holding hands and cuddling on the couch & it was the first time that they could be affectionate without hiding anything. "can you believe it?" daisy beamed up at will, her hands raking through his blonde hair. "we don't have to hide anymore." will smiled softly before leaning in to kiss the happy girl. "i'm so incredibly happy that i can call you mine."

Do you remember, we were sittin', there by the water? You put your arm around me for the first time You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing, that's ever been mine

daisy's always been careful. she watched out for herself. her sister, lili, was one of her best friends but she barely hung around the house anymore after she left for college, and her older brothers, jeremy and jacob, were there sometimes, but she never felt close to them - there were no similarities, nothing that bonded them other than the fact that they lived under the same roof and had the same parents. gabe was her protector. he made sure she was safe and careful - he never let anything bad happen to her. they bonded over music artists, movies, and their weekly drives to the lookout only they knew of.

gabe and lili protected and cared for her because her parents weren't there to do it. yanic perreault cared for one thing and one thing only: hockey & 4/5 kids fell into that category. the last kid was long forgotten, only added into conversations when they asked her how her grades were doing and if she was still doing well in ballet.

hell, they never even went to her ballet performances. she would book out a whole row for her family and the only face she would see in that row was gabe's- every single time.

so daisy was careful. because if she wasn't careful, who was going to remind her to be? gabe was going off to college so he wouldn't be there as much and lili only came home every couple months. if daisy was lucky, she would see lili 4 times a year rather than the usual 3. so if no one was there to check her, she had to do it herself.

she never went out past midnight, she never missed out on an assignment, she never went to any parties - at one point of her life, she was sort of floating through the motions.

but when she hung out with will, it was like all of that was gone. she didn't care about coming home at 2 am, or sneaking into closed beaches, or going to parties and having a drink. when she was with will, she felt alive - and she wanted to feel that way everyday.

Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together And there's a drawer of my things at your place You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

she has a box of her things at will's apartment: extra clothes, a toothbrush, a loofa, a hair brush, all of her snacks are in the kitchen - will's bedroom isn't just his. you can see daisy in there, too.

will understood why she was so reluctant to trust him, to be in a relationship and admit that she's fallen for him - and he was okay with it. he didn't need her to be ready at that exact second. he would wait for her - because she was someone worth waiting for.

And we got bills to pay We got nothin' figured out When it was hard to take Yes, yes This is what I thought about

will was daisy's first bf. she didn't know what she was doing or if anything she was doing was right. but will promised to her that they would figure it out together.

And I remember that fight, two-thirty a.m. 'Cause everything was slipping right out of our hands I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street

Braced myself for the goodbye 'Cause that's all I've ever known Then, you took me by surprise You said, "I'll never leave you alone"

when will told daisy that he was moving to san jose after his second year at bc, she was already bracing herself for heartbreak so when the time came, it wouldn't hurt so bad.

she expected him to break up with her. to realize that he didn't want to be with a girl that wasn't there for him 24/7, that was across the country, that wouldn't pack up her whole life to be with him. but when he told her that he wasn't just going to leave her alone, that he wasn't going to give up on their relationship, she realized that he was the kind of guy you don't let go of, that you don't let out of your grasp no matter how hard the situation is, that he was the best thing that's ever been hers.

#perreault!sister x will smith

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howlingday · 6 months

Note

Hey Howling, thanks for the advice before! I know asking questions isn't how most people expect advice, but it does work since it forces us to sit down and think a little bigger.

So thanks for that.

I guess that brings another question/advice/opinion I've been meaning to ask you.

When it comes to creating content to share, whether fanfic or original, what motivates you?

Cuz' the more serious I tend to get about an idea, the more I freak out about how much of my own personal time I inevitably start devoting to it.

Which is great in one sense... cuz I get lost into my wondrous world of writing headspace...

... and short little drabbles, and silly prompts are great fun! I really do enjoy them!

But when it comes to fanfics, swimming super deep in the depths of my untethered imagination honestly scares me...

Because who knows if all my effort will be shrugged at and forgotten by the fans or other creators, when I could have been doing something original...?

Or if... when I finally do stick my head up out of the depths of any fandom...

...I'll find that back in the real world, above the surface, the tide of my life will have changed, and I'll realize how much the shore has shifted and moved on...

... alongside my loved ones who will have made new memories without me, every time I insisted on spending just a little more time diving deep, as they never had the urge to go exploring with me...

... all because I was so focused diving into the fandom of someone else's waters.

Sorry, if it got a little heavy, (and I get it if this doesn't get posted), but as someone who gets lost spending months at a time thinking up of new ideas, I wanted your insight on what makes fanfic writing worth it.

Small prompts are fun and a great way to use time, but lengthy-novels and time-consuming art?

What do you think?

Oof... Really aimed right at a very tender and sensitive weak point of mine, to be honest.

But first of all, I'm glad my advice helped you out with your thought process for building your world.

Now, I'mma be really real with you about the whole "time" thing. One of, if not the most absolute worst thought I could ever think of is "how much of my time was this really worth?" Because one thing I find myself often being during my "slumps" is a nihilist. I'll be in my groove, popping out funny ideas and neat little plot points when BAM! I ask myself "What is this all amounting to? Is this something that's going to matter in ten years? Or five years? Next year? What am I going to do in the real world?"

THIS IS THE POTENTIALLY WORST MINDSET YOU COULD POSSIBLY EXPERIENCE.

What helps me out of it is to, well, keep doing it. Get my idea out there and see how much people love it. Keep going at it, build yourself and your style, and learn from your prior mistakes and the mistakes of others.

As for the OTHER aspects in my life, it boils down to numerous factors, because on top of the multiple dozen drafts of asks I have saved for later, I also have my job, my stack of video games to beat and or give up on, my 3000+ YouTube Watch Later list, my MMA classes, and whatever I've got planned with my friends. I remember in college, there was a critical thinking class that said,

"YOU DON'T MAKE TIME, YOU BORROW IT FROM SOMETHING ELSE."

I see the small prompts, incorrect quotes, and spitposts as just fun little writing exercises to just get out there. Definitely play around with them if and when you can.

I hope the advice I gave helps and didn't just sound like me whining. Honestly, the best way to get good at all aspects of writing, including planning, dreaming, and actually writing is to keep doing it. And kinda let it all blend together in your life. If I see or hear something funny or inspiring or just plain awesome, I'll pop it into an incorrect quote and send it out! People love it? Great! No? Oh, well...

But always, always, always...

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

#my thoughts #my advice #my answers #writing #me #my life

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taddymason · 3 months

Text

-20 asks for Fic Writers-

Thanks for the tag @rainofthetwilight!

Tags: @tik-ket and @fanficmaniatic and any fic writer that wants to do this!!

1.How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 5!

2. What's your total AO3 wordcount?

154,728

3. What fandom(s) do you write for?

For now, just Ninjago, but maybe I'll do some ATLA or BB in the future

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Stormbound: 406 kudos (I still can't believe it)

Everything I think I Know it's just static on the radio: 137 kudos

Lightning Pin: also 137 kudos

Let the poison bleed out of me: 60 kudos

Spirits in the sky: 19 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

YESS Almost always, I don't always know what to answer, so there are some that I don't answer, but I love each one of them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angiest ending?

Eh, Let the poison bleed out of me… because Jay dies there so

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of the ones I write end with a bittersweet ending but I think it would definitely be Spirits in the sky! I actually really love the amount of fluff that that one has

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nop

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No but... I mean, maybe in the future I will idk kdjd

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No, but I've been thinking for a while about doing one of Ninjago and Back to the Future. Simply because it's canon that lightning masters can time travel.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

As far as I know, no

12. What's the longest time you've spent working on a fic? And what's the shortest?

Stormbound: I think I spent about a year planning the whole story (?) and it took me about seven months to write it all. I swear that fic was one of the ones I'd been wanting to write for the longest time.

Home: I made that fic and the illustration in less than two hours.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Nop, but i’d be interested!

14. What's your all time favourite ship? From all the fandoms?

HiccupxAstrid from httyd

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The second part of Stormbound. I started making some drafts for some one shots, but a long time ago I decided that this fic didn't need a continuation. I think the ending is quite conclusive so I doubt I'll continue it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Describe the feelings of characters. I really like replacing dialogue of the characters saying what they feel with simple descriptions and leaving various things implied for the reader. Show instead of tell, I have received very good comments about it.

17. What are your writing weaknessess?

Action scenes. I'm still trying to make them more dynamic and not dwell too much on the descriptions.

And I don't know if it counts but... correct any spelling mistakes because english is not my first language, so every time I reread one of my fics and see some small spelling mistake, a part of me dies.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I haven't tried it yet, but maybe in the future!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ninjago

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Everything I think I Know it's just static on the radio

I'm still proud of that fic and I think it was one of the ones that made me most sure to plan everything in advance and that there was some symmetry in the chapters.

#Fanfic #fanfic writing #My fics #Ty for the tag!#Ninjago

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fierysafrina · 2 years

Text

Runaway train | Obey Me x reader

Fandom: Obey Me! Shall we date Rating: General Word Count: 6.900 Genre: Slice of Life | Drama | Hurt/Comfort | Angst Additional tags: choking Summary: When the truth of your ancestor came out, you were surprised. You couldn’t say you expected it, but … for some reason it felt weird. Finding out your ancestor long ago was an angel and that a very small part of you is somehow related to the demons confused you. But you accepted that. You accepted the truth and helped the brothers come to accept it as well. It was hard, especially for Belphegor and Beelzebub, but eventually they did. And a part of you already expected for them to compare you to her. Notes: So this one has been in my drafts for far too long and it’s, in a way, based on a real thing too. Sometimes, if not most of the time, I get called by a different name, which I dismiss completely, but then I wondered what if and this story came. It’s been a long time since I posted anything for Obey Me! Fandom, so I hope I’m not too out of the form..

What you didn’t expect was for it to hurt. You knew them as nothing but demons, for who they showed you to be. But the brothers? You could see those gazes that lingered on you for a second too long, those gentle and warm smiles they sent your way before they disappeared. It hurt. You couldn’t tell them, but it hurt, because they didn’t see you for who you were, but for your ancestor.

But that was okay. It was okay, because at least they were talking to you, still treating you like a normal human being. It was okay, wasn’t it?

You were sitting beside Barbatos in the Student Council Room, talking about the exchange program. Simeon, Luke and Solomon were sitting not too far away, adding what you might have missed. Out of seven brothers, only Satan was present. It didn’t surprise you, since Satan mostly accompanied you from one place to another while others continued to do their own thing.

You felt your phone ring in your pocket, announcing a message. While the rest talked, you took the chance to check, having a hunch it must have been from Mammon. And indeed it was.

Hey wanna come with me later?

You raised an eyebrow, wondering what he was up to now. With a small smile, you quickly typed your answer, accepting it.

If only you wouldn't get your hopes up.

If you were honest to yourself, you were just waiting for it. Waiting for one of them to slip up. You wondered who would be first; one of the twins? Or would it be Lucifer, who you know he still feels regret to this day.

Lilith.

The moment the name slipped off his tongue and not even realising his mistake, was perhaps what hurt the most. You wanted to correct him, saying that no your name wasn’t Lilith, but you couldn’t bring yourself to make that gentle expression disappear. Not now after so many months of him finally opening up to you.

“It’s just one time.” you told yourself. “Just one time.”

Yet it was one too many times, because the second time came and then the third and it went on, until you couldn’t take it anymore.

Perhaps they took you for granted, thinking you wouldn’t be angry, upset that they misspoke your name. They’re demons after all, perhaps that day still lingers in their mind like some do in yours. You remained quiet through this all. And perhaps because Satan was the only one to call you by your name that you spent more and more time with him instead. It wasn’t fair, you knew that, but you couldn’t help but feel hurt that they never apologised.

“Are you okay?”

You feel Satan’s eyes on you as you sit on an armchair in his room. You’re reading one of Devildom's history books and if it weren’t for his sudden question that startles you, you would have ignored him completely.

Raising your head, a smile spreads across your lips. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve been acting strange ever since you came back with Mammon two weeks ago.” He doesn’t look away from you and you know he knows why. After all, the brothers aren’t very subtle about calling you Lilith. “Want to talk about it?”

“No.” You answer much too quickly for your comfort. Wincing at your own brashness, you close the book and sigh. “I’m used to getting my names changed.” You force a smile and something in Satan’s eyes changes, because you look away instead, not liking how he’s looking at you with sadness. “Don’t look at me like that.” you grit your teeth.

“I won’t apologise in their stead.” He says and you hear the book closing before he stands up and walks to one of the many bookshelves. “What they’re doing is not okay, but you must stand up for yourself as well.” You look at his back, staring at him. “The longer you let them, the more they’ll do it. You must draw a line, [Name].”

It feels so odd being called by your name that it makes your chest ache. “I’m not exactly the type to correct someone…” you murmur more to yourself.

“You’ll continue to be hurt by them.”

He’s right. You know he’s right, but no matter how much you try to correct them, you can't let those smiles disappear. “I’m fine…” you whisper.

Satan turns his head to look at you. He stares at you for a moment before he turns back in front. “You’re always welcomed here.” He says instead and you feel your eyes sting from sudden tears.

You’re sobbing, trying to catch a breath, almost to no avail. Hiding in one of the empty classrooms at RAD, you tried to be as quiet as you could be, yet it still seems like luck wasn’t on your side. Someone calls your name and you realise it a bit too late to see Diavolo standing on the doorway. Right beside Lucifer. Something flashes through Lucifer’s eyes and he moves forward before he stops abruptly like he just realised something.

“I-I’m sorry…” It’s unusual for him to stutter, but he turns and leaves instead.

Not once does he look back.

You grip your uniform, biting on your lower lip enough to draw out blood, as you try hard to control your sobs. Diavolo is by your side in a second along with Simeon and Luke, for whom you’re not sure where they came from. You hear Luke asking what’s wrong, what happened, why Lucifer left in a hurry, but you couldn’t answer him, because all you could see was Lucifer’s disappointment, his regret, shame. Why couldn’t he approach you? Was he thinking you were Lilith and when he realised he left? Did you really mean nothing to him?

“H-home…” you whisper, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I-I wanna g-go home…”

Diavolo and Simeon exchange a glance, but they don’t say a word. Along the way Barbatos comes and the two angels accompany you back to the House of Lamentation. Part of you expects to see one of the brothers there, but there’s no one. You’re not even sure why you expected anyone to be there. Ever since you came to Devildom, you were alone. Even Solomon was different from you even if he’s a human. You can’t exactly call any of them your friends, but they’re not just classmates either.

Once you’ve calmed down, it’s Barbatos who approaches you in the living room where you’re sitting. It’s quiet, too quiet for your liking, yet you can’t bring yourself to call for anyone. Simeon and Luke had to go back to the Academy for a meeting that Diavolo suddenly called upon, so you’re left alone.

“I’ve brought some tea. Would you like some?”

You look at the demon in front of you and smile, giving a small nod.

Barbatos returns the smile before he disappears into the kitchen. Not wanting to be alone, you follow him and sit down by the counter instead. You observed him so many times, yet his elegance continues to amaze you.

“Thank you,” you smile when he places a cup in front of you.

“You’re welcome,” he replies without hesitation as he sits in front of you, a cup in front of him as well.

There’s a comfortable silence between the two of you and you’re not exactly sure what he’s doing here. You can only guess.

“Would you like to go home?” Barbatos is the first to break the silence.

His question makes your eyes wide and you choke on tea, coughing seconds later.

“I-I’m sorry?” you stutter, looking at him.

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” He apologises, looking slightly embarrassed. He hands you a handkerchief that you slowly take, like you’re unsure. “Lord Diavolo wanted me to ask you if you want to go back to the human realm. He noticed something was odd and found you in the classroom, he worries you might feel homesick.”

Averting your gaze, the corners of your lips twitch. You remain silent for a moment before you look directly into his eyes and smile. If you get the chance, you won’t let it slip away. “Yes, I’d like that if it’s not too troublesome.”

Barbatos nods in understanding as silence becomes almost too deafening. At least you can focus on the cup, leaving Barbatos to the silence until he speaks. His voice is quiet, filled with understanding and you wonder if he saw your future.

"Wherever you'll be, you can always call for Lord Diavolo or me."

You meet his eyes and there’s sympathy and warmth in his gaze that makes your chest tight and eyes fill with tears. Barbatos moves before you realise it and he’s embracing you.

Your throat is slowly closing in on you and you feel your eyes burn from the tears you’re hardly holding back. You shut your eyes and hug him back, your hands shaking with realisation dawning on you.

“Thank you…” you whisper into the crook of his neck.

Being back home feels … odd, yet at the same time you have never felt happier than in that same moment you walk through the front door. There's noise and you see your mom cooking, completely startled by the door opening. She's looking at you like she has just seen a ghost. There are tears in your eyes and you're running to her, embracing like your life is depending on it.

You feel the pacts burn in your skin and emotions are overwhelming you that makes you feel like suffocating if it weren't for the small circles on your back that let you know you're home.

There's anger and yells, voices overlapping each other all while Diavolo and Simeon stand there, their expressions telling everything they need to know. Excuses are spoken, blame pointed at the one person that isn't there and it takes just a small amount for the wrath to be felt to the deepest corners of hell.

There's silence, heads lowered in shame and regret. No one dares to say anything, but Satan.

“How is [Name]?”

Anyone could see brothers flinching while Lucifer tries to be as expressionless as ever. But both Simeon and Diavolo know the oldest brother wasn’t fine with the situation either.

For a moment there's silence before Simeon speaks; “They’re happier.”

“Are you suggesting they weren’t happy here?” Mammon glares at the angel.

“Tell me something.” Satan says, his eyes focusing on the latter. All attention falls on him, including Lucifer’s. “In the last three months, how many times have all of you spent some alone time with them?”

Everyone is looking at Satan confused, except for Diavolo and Simeon.

“What do you mean?” Beelzebub asks.

Satan looks directly at Lucifer. “After that incident, how many times have you seen them?”

Lucifer narrows his eyebrows before he looks away, refusing to look at anyone.

Turning to Mammon, Satan continues; “How many times have you called them by a name of a person, who has been dead for centuries?”

The silence that falls upon the room is deafening.

“What are you talking about, Satan?” Luke’s quiet voice breaks the tension the moment he walks inside with Solomon and Barbatos.

No one dares to look at Satan, less alone at Luke or Simeon. Lucifer refuses to look at Diavolo, but feels his eyes on him.

“What do you mean by that?” Luke repeats. “Their name is [Name] and [Name] alone. They don’t have any other name. They shouldn’t have another name, unless they alone decided to change it. But they didn’t or they would tell us. Wouldn’t they, Simeon?” The young angel looks at his friend and protector, who sadly smiles.

“I wonder.” Satan scoffs. “How many times have you called them Lilith unconsciously?”

“What?” Luke’s eyes widen and he looks from one brother to another, his eyes lingering on Beelzebub the most. “But you didn’t, right?” he takes a step towards Lucifer, eyes now focusing on him. “Satan is wrong.” He looks directly at Mammon, who’s turned away, but Luke could see the way he’s gritting his teeth and balling a fist by his side.

“Luke,” Simeon calls softly.

The angel turns his way. “Is that why [Name] left?” his voice is quiet, but the venom and coldness heard in it sends chills down their spine.

“I’m afraid so.” He agrees and looks at Satan.

“Oh…” Luke lowers his head before he leaves without a word.

Simeon closes his eyes and sighs. He sees the way Beelzebub is looking at him and says; “He was supposed to find out eventually either way.”

“Should you leave him alone?” Belphegor asks, eyes lingering on the doorway.

“He can handle himself.” The angel smiles. He looks at Diavolo and Solomon, continuing; “I will leave Devildom for a couple of days. I hope you don’t mind accompanying me, Solomon and Satan.”

“Of course not.” Solomon smiles and looks at Satan, who nods with a huff.

“Don’t worry about the exchange and focus on your work.” Diavolo agrees.

“Did they really leave because of us?” Leviathan speaks as he meddles with his fingers. “Was it truly because we called them Lilith? But it was done unconsciously. We didn’t mean to do it on purpose. It wasn’t on purpose. Why didn’t they correct us? We wouldn’t if they did.”

Satan’s expression changes.

“But they did at first.” Barbatos answers. “They told you their name wasn’t Lilith but [Name]. Yet you brushed it aside like it meant nothing.”

Diavolo looks at Lucifer, who’s gritting his teeth. “What did you see that time, Lucifer?” The said demon looks at him. “In the classroom. Who did you see? Was it [Name]? Or was it Lilith?”

Sitting on a balcony you listen to Luke ramble as he’s comfortably sitting on your lap, his arms wrapped around you. Your mother is inside, preparing dinner when the doorbell rings. A smile spreads across your lips before you laugh at Luke, who immediately straightens up the moment he hears Simeon’s voice.

Instead of letting the angel sit back on his own chair, you embrace him tighter, refusing to let him go.

“Ah, no! Lemme go, [Name], Simeon has come!” Luke is pouting.

“Don’t wanna.” You shake your head.

You hear Simeon’s chuckle when he stands on the doorway of the balcony. Your mother is saying something from inside, but you don’t hear her clearly for the children, who pass just below the balcony are running and screaming.

“Hello,” Simeon greets you and you look at him. “It’s been a while.”

“It has been.” You agree.

Simeon steps outside, his eyes focusing on the children as well as Luke, who gave in on his demise. “It’s always so lively when I visit.”

“It is.” You laugh and brush Luke’s hair from his forehead. He’s quiet, his attention on the string from your hoodie, but there’s no doubt that he’s also listening to your talk. “It’s quite a change from the Devildom.”

For a moment Simeon remains silent, watching the children. “Do you truly want to go through with the plan?” Turning your way, his eyes find yours in a second.

“Yes,” you don’t hesitate to answer. Luke stills his movement and looks at you. “I’ll be alright.”

“You won’t be.” Simeon says. “A part of your soul will be gone along with their pacts. There’s also a possibility you might lose some memories if all seven pacts are gone in that same moment.”

“Then that’s even better.”

“[Name].” he says your name sternly.

“What do you expect me to do, Simeon?” you sigh. “Have they asked you how I am? Where am I? Have they even bothered to think of visiting me? All I feel through their pacts is anger. Even Satan hasn’t sent a letter, less alone a message, since he visited the last time. Does he also blame me for what I'm about to do?”

“No,” Simeon is quick to shake his head. “If anything they’re too prideful to even check up on you.” he goes with his hand through his hair, looking away.

You chuckle at that, expecting it. Yet it still hurt hearing it. Closing your eyes, you take in a deep breath, releasing Luke, who straightens up. You can feel his eyes on you, but instead you look away, afraid to see the pity in his eyes.

“Here you go.” Your mother appears on the doorway, holding a cup of tea in her hands.

Simeon smiles and takes it with gratitude before she disappears back inside. Your heart aches at the sight of your mother. While you didn’t tell her the whole truth – of angels and demons being real instead of only a legend and myth – you told her enough to know that something happened, that you refused to return to the exchange program.

“You know once we go through the procedure, you’ll need weeks, if not months, to recuperate.” Simeon turns to face you. “You won’t be able to remain here in the town.”

“I don’t mind.” you shake your head. “I have an uncle living at the farm. He has a small cottage near-by, so I can stay there.”

Simeon is staring at you, but doesn’t say a word unlike Luke; “But do you truly want to?” His voice is quiet and you look at him. You spot tears in his eyes and you unconsciously reach out to caress his cheek.

“I’ll be okay…” you smile.

You start to believe your own lies.

It’s like every normal day in Devildom. Everything seems to be like in the past, before you came as an exchange student. Each brother kept themselves in their own rooms, not one bothering to check up on you.

Except for one.

Mammon is pacing up and down in his bedroom, biting on his thumb. His eyebrows are furrowed and the longer he thinks and wonders and worries, the more he’s doubtful to go through with his plan.

It’s been two months since you left, since you felt “homesick” and you still haven’t returned back. Mammon knows he messed it up. He knows you’re not Lilith, his fallen sister, but he didn’t know how big the consequences were when he called you by that name. He knows it didn’t happen once, but a couple of times, but he couldn’t help himself. Not when you looked like a lost puppy, just like his sister.

He massages his left wrist, feeling sadness and regret before it tingles. He scratches it when his heart skips a bit when the black lines like vines appear. His eyes widen, because even if he forgot what this moment means, it's still fresh in his memory from when it happened.

"No…" Mammon murmurs to himself and begins shaking his head all while digging nails into his wrist. "No, no, no…" he's chanting, but those same vines begin to disappear along with the emotions he felt just a moment ago.

Suddenly he feels empty, like an empty shell that once held something warm and gentle inside. He feels tears threaten to spill and before he knows it, he's running out of his bedroom and down the hallway. He hears Beelzebub in the background, asking where he's running to, but Mammon doesn't have time to stop and tell him.

It's seconds before it completely disappears that he rushes into Lucifer's room all breathless only to show him the last marks of the pact. Lucifer's eyes focus on it and narrows his eyebrows. He stands up, ready to speak, but he alone is forced to a stop when he feels it.

It starts like a tingle that spreads throughout his whole body until it reaches the inner side of his left wrist and stops there. He watches the black ink of a white side of the yang appear. It lingers for a moment and Lucifer can feel the doubt you might feel for a split second and before he can take action it begins to disappear.

His eyes are wide at the sight. He's frozen on the spot as he watches. Mammon is mumbling something, but Lucifer couldn't care more, because it's the sadness and pain that he feels the last before it disappears. It leaves him bare of any emotion, struggling to breathe until Mammon holds him. He stumbles and looks at his younger brother for answer, yet what greets him is nothing but the realisation that they messed up badly.

By the middle of the day, the whole house of Lamentation is in turmoil. The brothers are talking over each other, asking for your whereabouts, trying to contact you, but Lucifer is lost. He doesn’t know where you are, less alone how to contact you after you left your D.D.D back in the Devildom.

Lucifer recalls Diavolo’s question and shame fills him to the last core. He doesn’t dare to admit it, but he knows Diavolo is right. He should have apologised that day when it happened, and told his brothers to mind what they’re saying. If it wasn’t intentional, he should have prevented it somehow.

But then again, a part of him also blamed you. Refusing to take the whole blame upon his shoulders, when you could have corrected them as much as he could. And if anything it was that emotion alone that made Lucifer just a bit angrier at you than at his brothers. If you didn’t answer when they called you by a different name, it wouldn’t have gotten this far. You wouldn’t leave them. You could have stayed by their side, laughing with them.

Yet instead you remained silent as you took all of it in.

“My, my, what’s with so much noise.” Solomon’s voice makes the arguments quiet down.

“Solomon!” Asmodeus’ eyes are wide like he just came up with an idea. “Solomon, my dear, you must know where [Name] had gone to.”

Solomon blinks with his eyes, confusion visible before it dawns on him. “No, I do not.” His answer is short and simple.

It confuses the brothers.

“But … didn’t you leave with Simeon and Satan?” Beelzebub murmurs.

Solomon turns his way, a smile present on his lips. “I did.” He agrees and just when Mammon is about to speak, he continues; “But we didn’t meet with them after that one time. I don’t know where they are.”

All attention turns to Satan, who silently shakes his head, raising his hands like he doesn’t know either. But Lucifer knows they’re lying and it only makes him angrier. They know exactly where you are.

“I thought you’d be different, brother of mine.” Satan speaks when he sees Lucifer’s expression darken.

“What do you mean?” he narrows his eyebrows.

“Although you haven’t called them Lilith directly, they could still see it clearly.”

Lucifer grits his teeth.

Satan looks at Solomon, who closes his eyes and sighs. “They don’t wish to be found.”

“You know where they are!?” Mammon raises his voice and steps closer to Satan.

“I might have before.”

“Before what?” Belphegor asks. “Does it have to do anything with our pacts?”

“Bingo.” The corners of Satan’s lips turn upwards in a taunting smirk.

“You knew they’d try to break our pacts?” Leviathan is confused. “Why didn’t you stop them if you knew? Who else knew? Were we the only ones in the dark?”

“We didn’t stop them because we couldn’t.” Solomon answers, glancing at Satan in case he said something too much. “The same day we wanted to visit them once more, they were already long gone. The only one who might have an idea where [Name] is, is Luke.”

“Luke?” Mammon is even more confused. “What does Luke have with all of this?”

“Don’t you know?” Satan laughs as if he’s mocking them. “Luke is their protector and he’s the one who decides who can visit and who not. You guys are definitely the last on the list if you even are on.”

“Does that mean we can’t … see [Name]?” Leviathan’s voice is quiet.

“Unless Luke says otherwise, then no.” Solomon answers.

“And Simeon?” Lucifer asks. “Where is he?” He looks behind the wizard, expecting the angel to come, but nothing.

“He’s beside Luke, teaching him.” Solomon says and walks over like he’s in his own house. He watches Lucifer’s expression, smiling when he notices the gaze in his eyes shift, but doesn’t say anything on it. Instead, he continues; “It is a bit unfortunate that Satan and I cannot visit them, as they have lost quite a lot of the soul and strength when they broke the pact all together.”

“W-what?” Beelzebub stutters as Belphegor’s eyes widen while the rest seem slightly confused aside from Lucifer and Asmodeus.

“They didn’t.” Belphegor is shaking his head as he takes a step forward. “They couldn’t have broken all pacts at the same time, unless–” He stops abruptly, freezing in the spot before his head snaps towards Lucifer.

“It’s too late now.” Satan sighs. “What is done is done, there’s nothing we can do.”

“You don’t understand!” Belphegor raises his voice, frustrated.

“Oh dear…” Asmodeus murmurs, hand covering his mouth.

“What’s wrong?” Leviathan and Beelzebub are looking from one to another until Leviathan focuses on Lucifer. “What’s Belphegor talking about, Lucifer?”

Lucifer’s eyes are closed when he sighs. “They had enormous power from the beginning.” he starts slowly. He looks at Solomon, who’s quietly standing there only to realise that he doesn’t have any intention of stopping him. He’s not exactly sure if he’s glad about that or not.

“Any normal wizard cannot break all the pacts on his own, be it human, demon or witch, it doesn’t matter.” Lucifer looks at Belphegor, who’s glaring at him, yet his eyes show completely different emotion. The same emotion he saw when their sister fell, when she died as a human – fear. “But [Name] has been … different from the very beginning. They could use their voice to command all seven of us at the same time, so it doesn’t come as a surprise that they could also break the pacts at the same time. All seven. But …” he’s hesitating.

“But what?” Leviathan asks.

“There is a price they must pay if they do so.” Lucifer sighs and glances at Solomon and Satan, hoping they would continue, yet they don’t have any intention of doing so.

“There’s a chance they might lose memories.” It’s Mammon who speaks. “It’s that, isn’t it?” he asks and steps forward. “Because it depends how powerful the demon is. So if the demon isn’t as strong, then the price for breaking the pact isn’t so severe. But if you break it with a powerful demon times seven, then …” he grits his teeth.

“It’s as Mammon said.” Satan agrees. “Despite being their ancestor, Lillith is gone.” He looks from one brother to another, all of them looking anywhere else. “You should have been glad, happy that Lillith lineage isn’t broken, yet here you are, always comparing them to each other. [Name] is a person as well, different from Lillith in many ways than just in name.”

You’re not sure how much time has passed. Finally being back on your feet, after months of recovering, you couldn’t have felt more glad and thankful to your uncle than you did during that time. No one from your family questioned you about the boy that was always around you, helping you.

“Luke,” Your voice is rather quiet when you call for the angel.

Sitting on the stairs of the porch, reading a book, the angel turns and looks at you. “What is it?” he asks and he’s on his feet, rushing to your side.

“I was wondering,” you start slowly, unsure if it’s a good idea. Luke doesn’t say anything, waiting for you to continue. “I wanna see them…” you breathe out, your eyes averting to the sky, more afraid of his reaction than anything. It was no secret how overprotective he was, and still is, of you.

There’s silence and you dare to look at him only to worry when his expression is nothing but frown.

“Do you want to?” he asks, eyes looking into yours like he wants to make sure you really want to.

You hesitate to answer.

Letting out a silent sigh, Luke closes the book, places it on his side before he stands up and walks over to you. You unconsciously shiver, feeling the calmness and the purity of his presence alone, yet it doesn’t seem like he has noticed. Or if he has, he doesn’t say anything about it.

“When you’re hesitating like this, I can’t allow it.” He’s looking into your eyes. You spot sadness that diminishes and you wonder when did he grow up so much. “Forgive me.”

A small smile spreads across your lips as you reach out to caress his cheek. “It’s alright. Thank you for staying by my side.” you say and a wide smile replaces his frown.

You should have listened to Luke when he told you to wait. You should have waited for him no matter how much you were tempted to go to a bookstore and the market. You should have waited.

But now you can’t help but notice the nails that are slowly digging themselves into your neck, your toes barely touching the ground as you try to free yourself from the tight grip the woman has on you. The air doesn’t seem to come, no matter how much you try to scratch the witch’s hand as she laughs at you. Suddenly the faces of Luke and Simeon appear in front of you, remembering their smiles and there’s Solomon, speaking and your eyes water.

“It took me so long to find you.”

You can barely hear her words, the pounding of your heart too loud in your ears.

“It was silly of you to disappear into a remote place like this. Hidden behind the angels,” she scoffed; “but no demon in sight. What a day when I already had a hard time hiding from Mammon.”

At the mention of the said demon, his blue eyes are the first thing you remember. You try to free yourself, but you’re still not completely healed.

It’s Solomon’s words in your head, from those years back, when he studied with you, that your lips part and your voice is barely heard;

“Hear…me…”

The witch narrows her eyebrows, staring at you.

“...denizens of-of darkness…”

“What’s this?” She raises an eyebrow.

“...y-you, who are bo-born of shadow and…you, w-who give birth to it…”

The witch’s lip twitches. “Are you trying to summon them?” she mocks you. “A useless human without powers?” she muses and tightens her grip on your neck as she leans closer. “Go on. Amuse me more.”

You look up into the sky, noticing how there’s not a single cloud in the vicinity. “H-hear me…a-and do as I c-co-command…” you start to feel your consciousness slowly fade. “I, [N-Name]...call u-upon you to-to send f-forth one…of-of your number…”

You see the sky shift and suddenly you find yourself kneeling on the ground, gasping for air and coughing. You’re holding your neck, eyes looking at the witch, who’s watching you with a wide smile on her lips. Before you can use the chance to crawl away, she holds for your ankle, kneeling just in front of you.

“Don’t do anything funny and end your summoning spell.” She licks the upper lip before she bites the lower one, her eyes boring into your soul.

“I…” For a moment you hesitate, yet you can’t help the shiver when her hand slowly wraps around your throat once again. “I summon the Avatar o-of Greed, M-Mammon!”

Silence that spreads, tells you everything.

Tears fill your eyes, no sign of a tingling sensation that you once felt. The witch watches you for a moment until her laughter fills every corner of your body. You should have known it would be futile. You don’t even know why you wanted to summon a demon.

Closing your eyes, you lean on your hands, head buried between them as you break. The witch continues to laugh like she just won the lottery.

“M-Mammon…” you whisper-call, desperate. “P-please …”

There’s a brush of wind that gives you goosebumps when a silent; “Huh?” reaches you.

The laughter you heard just a second ago, disappears.

“W-what?” the witch stutters. You don’t raise your head, feeling too tired to care. “T-that’s impossible!”

“[N-Name]?”

There’s an all too familiar voice and pair of hands holding you that wake you from the daze. Your eyes widen from fear and you try to push the person away, thinking it’s the witch, only to freeze when you meet with the same blue eyes you thought of before.

“M-Mammon?” You choke on your own word.

“How did you manage to summon him?!” The witch yells, making you flinch and unconsciously cling onto Mammon, trying to hide. “You lost all the powers you had, including the pacts! You shouldn’t be able to summon anyone!”

Mammon is quietly staring at you, noticing how you shiver and it’s not from the weather. Not when it’s warm in the human world, so it must have been the witch’s fault. He was just having the time of his life, ready to hit a jackpoint in the casino back in the Devildom only to feel a tingling that he hasn’t felt in a long time. Before he realised what happened, he was in the human world and all he heard was the laughter until he spotted you cowering on the floor, shivering.

And then he notices. A bruise on your cheek, red marks on your neck, turning a darker shade of purple and a wave of anger consumes him.

Your eyes are shut tight as are your ears that you don’t notice another breeze of wind, arms that disappear and some distant screams that cease a moment later.

Hands slowly touch your face. It’s the warmth of them that makes you slowly open your eyes. Tears that you tried so hard to hold back, stream down, seeing it’s Mammon, who’s kneeling in front of you. You don’t look for the witch, knowing he took care of her, because that’s what he promised when you were still in Devildom. He’ll always protect you.

Your eyes fall on his lips when you notice him speaking and slowly pull your hands away from ears.

“It’s okay…” his voice is quiet, like he’s afraid if he speaks louder, you’d disappear again. “You’re safe. The witch is gone.”

You can feel your shoulders slumber as you fall deeper into his embrace. Mammon wraps his arms around you and it’s not long before you completely break down.

Mammon’s heart aches at the sight. He has never seen you so beaten, so powerless. There’s no sign of any confidence that you used to emit, there’s no smile that always greeted him or a playful scolding when he did something stupid. There’s nothing but a broken shell of a someone, who you used to be, of a human that not a single thing could break you until …

Mammon comes to a stop, freezing as his eyes grow wider.

It’s their fault you became like this.

You’re sitting on the couch, back at the uncle’s house when you hear a panicked: “[Name]!” recognising Luke’s voice. In a second, he’s in front of you, looking over for any kind of bruise until he sees them on your neck. He stills, staring at them when his gaze turns into a glare and turns to Mammon.

“I-it’s not his fault!” You blurt out.

Both Luke and Mammon turn to look at you.

“Don’t excuse his actions.” Luke says, his expression that of a slight disappointment. You can’t blame him for thinking this way.

“Hey, what’s the big deal, huh?” Mammon speaks, his attention on the little angel. “I was summoned here. Summoned.”

“What?” Luke seems confused. “Who would summon you to the human world?” he scowls and crosses his arms while standing in front of you.

“I did…” your voice is quiet. The angel looks at you even more confused. “I-I don’t know how I did it, but a witch found me and apparently she had some kind of resentment against me.” you chuckle more to yourself. “I-I tried the summoning and somehow–it worked somehow.”

Luke is staring at you for a moment before he turns to Mammon. “What did you feel before you were summoned?”

His question throws both you and Mammon off guard. It felt like he knew this would happen.

It doesn’t take Mammon long to answer. “At first there was nothing,” Your heart broke at his words; “but then the place where the pact was started to burn a little and I felt that same tingling whenever I’m summoned.”

Luke pursues lips into a thin line as he listens, his arms still crossed.

“Luke?” you call quietly.

He doesn’t turn to you and you look at Mammon, who seems taken aback for some reason.

“What’s going on?” you ask, feeling more and more confused.

“Simeon warned me of this.” The angel starts slowly and looks at you. “He told me when you’ll be in danger, you will manage to summon them once again.”

“But…the pact was…broken.”

“Yes,” he nods, seeming like he’s deep in thoughts. “But at the same time, there are still some traces of it left behind.”

“How?” you ask and glance at Mammon, who’s too quiet.

“That…” Luke looks to the side. “Simeon has been trying to find out. Solomon once talked of this, but he himself didn’t know what it means.”

“I think I may know why…” Mammon murmurs.

Both you and Luke turn to look at him. He hesitates, but when he looks at you, you can see the guilt and regret in his eyes and you’re suddenly reminded why you wanted to break your pacts with them.

“Usually when we break our pacts with the summoner, it’s not one sided.” Mammon’s voice is rather quiet and it takes you a moment, but you quickly realise what he means. “I don’t think anyone knows, aside from us demons, but we can still feel the bond that connects us. Of course it depends on the strength of both the demon and the summoner.”

“So, you’re saying that because you didn’t agree, you can still be summoned?” Luke asks and Mammon nods. “But [Name] broke all pacts. It took part of their soul, their power and memories with them and they’re still able to summon you?”

Mammon winces at Luke’s words. It’s not the reaction you expected and you wonder what else he knows. Instead of saying anything, he simply nods.

“So, am I able to summon others as well?” you ask.

“I don’t know…” Mammon shrugs, unsure. “Ya had a pact with all seven of us and we’re not exactly some lower-class demons either.” For a moment he thinks, before he continues. “It also depends who yer first was. Ya might have trouble with the rest, since I didn’t feel it right away. There’s a chance they won’t feel anything at all.”

“Oh…” you murmur and lower your head.

“Do ya wanna see them?” Mammon asks and you look at him.

You don’t miss the way Luke shifts nervously, reaching for your hand unconsciously like he’s trying to change your mind just by his actions alone. “I…” you start, but stop, unsure what to say. “I don’t know…” you end up saying and Mammon nods in understanding as he looks away.

“Mammon,” you call quietly and he looks back at you. “I missed you…” you whisper.

A small smile spreads across his lips as he approaches you and kneels in front of you. He’s looking you directly into your eyes and you nibble on your lower lip, wondering what he’ll say. If he’s going to say anything at all.

“I’m sorry.”

Your eyes widen at his apology. His hands are holding on your legs and at first glance it seems like he’s holding onto them like he’s begging you for his own life.

“I’m sorry for calling ya Lilith. Ya didn’t deserve that and it was never our intention.”

You narrow your eyebrows.

“Ya remind us so much of her that whenever we saw ya, we felt so much regret for her we unconsciously began to call ya by her name. It might sound like an excuse to ya, but it’s the truth.” he stops and tightens his grip on your legs.

It seems so unlike him, yet the sincerity in his eyes is real, that much you know.

“I’m sorry as well.” you say and Mammon looks at you confused. “I could have corrected you so many times, but didn’t.”

“No,” he shakes his head. “Ya have, but we just … we continued. We were selfish. We wanted to have our little sister back so whenever we saw ya, we felt so much regret for not being able to protect her enough that we began to see her instead of ya. And whenever yer face appeared after we saw hers, we felt guilty, so we pretended yer her.”

You’re not sure what to say, if you even should say anything.

“I’m sorry, [Name].” he’s looking directly into your eyes.

You can see the sincerity in them. A small smile spreads across your lips that Mammon spots with his gaze when Luke clears his throat. Turning to look at the little angel, you caress his cheek, smiling softly.

“I’m okay…” you whisper.

This time Luke believes you and so do you.

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