#things like this make me rethink about publishing at all
Text
Akatsuki Secret [sub] Kinks - Part I
lineup: itachi uchiha, hidan, konan, sasori
warnings: mentions and descriptions of rough sex, degradation, dumbification, mommy kink, humiliation, r*pe play, and edging, gender inclusive
- x -
notes: I've had this in my drafts for a little while (a year lmao), but I couldn't get Hidan fleshed out tbh. His was hard. Anyways: minors do not interact, comment or reblog if you like it, and make sure to support other fanfic writers ♥ I only do these when the moment strikes so idk when the second part will be published but it'll get done! thanks ♥
- x -
Itachi: degredation/humiliation
Sure, he could be the best pleasure dom you've ever come across ever. Ever. But have you considered he gives you all the praise because he's tired of hearing it for himself? Every waking minute of his life, he has to hear about how great he is. How powerful he is. How nobody will ever amount to his power and prowess as a shinobi. Praise, envy, recognition, infamy, compliments, shoe-shining, ass-kissing, blah blah blah blah blah. He's heard it all before and he's sick of it.
You can't convince me he wouldn't fold, or at least pause him in his tracks, if someone told him he wasn't as special as everyone claimed he was. That he wasn't worth the hype. That you expected more from someone with his name. That the way he was writhing and keening from your fingers milking his prostate because he hates being edged was unbecoming of him. That Uchiha pride of his would fight back against the accusations and his eyes would burn with hatred, but the beet-red blush that covers his entire face and chest while you're impaling his wet throat tells you he feels otherwise.
That man wants to be spit on and called a cock-sucking whore while he's ass up taking a strap. Call him pathetic. Tell him how stupid he looks with his fucked-out face smothered in the pillows and slick all over his chin from when you sat on his face and smothered him until he couldn't breathe. Laugh at him when he begs for air by tapping your thighs. Ask him how he'd feel if his entire family could see him in a position that would bring the whole clan to shame, and he'd feel freer and more liberated than he has his whole life cause all the expectations people placed on him are GONE and he can just be your dumb little toy.
Konan: dominatrix
I feel it in my gut that this woman is a dominatrix at certain times. She feels like a switch, but the few times she needs to be in that special space? Needs to feel some semblance of control because everything else around her is out of her grasp because someone else has what she wants in their clutches? That's when she slips into that headspace.
Unlike Itachi as a pleasure dom, she's a no-nonsense woman and expects to be obeyed. You'll be rethinking about how you backtalked her when your top half is hanging off the bed while she fucks you with a brutality she learned to harness on the battlefield, the only thing keeping you from falling being her strong grip on your hips.
You've got drool sliding down your cheek and a tight grip on her wrist while she forces moan after moan after moan from you until you're screaming and crying for her to stop. Because after four messy, powerful orgasms you can't take it anymore. It's too much. She'll slow down once she sees you sobbing and bend down to kiss away your tears, letting you get a breather, but she's not pulling out. In fact, you're too dazed by her lips to realize the meaning behind her sliding her hands up your body to rest at the juncture of your neck. She presses one more tender kiss to your ears before whispering in a deceptively kind voice, "I know it's a lot, baby. But you know tears don't move me. Until I hear that safe word, you're going to take it until I'm satisfied you've learned your lesson. Now stop whining and spread your legs wider. You're in for a long night."
Hidan: dumbification/tenderness
You'd think this one would be easy because what you see is what you get most of the time with Hidan: a sadomasochistic pain-obsessed BDSM freak with very little boundaries. He typically requires a lot from sexual partners because that's all he's used to: intensity. Everything with him is always blood, violence, screaming, sacrifice, Jashin, Jashin, Jashin, kill, kill, kill. R8P play, flogging, knife play, golden showers, and even killing him are not above his desires. But this is about secret kinks. There are enough fanfics about him loving the thrill of being bullied by big muscular men to the nth degree, but what's something he'd keep hidden from everyone else? One he might actually feel embarrassed about sharing with someone? One he'd go to great lengths to hide because it's the one thing he's ashamed about feeling like he needs? It's not a kink at all. It's a human emotion that he craves to feel during the moment more than he's willing to admit: It's tenderness. It's making love to him to slow his mind down and coaxing his orgasms from him in a way that doesn't overstimulate him and watching him make sense of it. It's enacting acts of violence against his body with spiked whips, chain-shibari, and barbed wire but pressing a kiss to his fresh, bloodied wounds at the same time. It's making him understand that he craves violence and hedonism because it's the only form of control he ever has and taking it away from him is a risk you love him enough to take. It's being in the throes of pleasure and getting him right to his peak before forcing him to keep eye contact as his pleasure spills over and wracks through his body in waves because of the softness and admiration aimed towards him at his most vulnerable. He'll NEVER admit it out loud and he'd actually kill you if you brought it up any time outside of the bedroom, but you know. He knows you know. It works out.
Sasori: MMlb/DDlb
I see this man portrayed as a hard dom 98% of the time and I'm not mad about it, but........ The same man that figuratively and literally wears a hard shell of a mask to hide his vulnerable and delicate nature? The man that finds beauty in the most macabre things because it's everlasting and immortal, therefore will always be remembered and praised? The man that found peace after death because someone finally understood him? The man that created puppets of his parents for some form of connection to the intimacy that he was robbed of? The Scorpio? That man needs a Mommy with a capital M. He wants to be nurtured. He wants to be held. He wants someone else to hold the strings to his heart for a change. That bad attitude and mean streak doesn't change the fact that that man is a bottom; a bottom leaning switch at MOST.
#are these actual headcanons or am I projecting because I'm a dom? the world may never know#akatsuki headcanons#itachi uchiha#itachi x reader#sasori#sasori x reader#hidan#hidan x reader#konan naruto#konan x reader#the akatsuki#naruto#naruto shippuden headcanons#naruto shippuden
102 notes
·
View notes
Text
Alastor x (Name) podcast
Head cannon:
Alastor making fire segues to sponsors
(Name) both loving and hating the segues that he comes up with on the spot.
The two have a lot of banter and sometimes will have arguments live on the broadcasts.
(Name) having to convince Alastor to try and revamp his broadcast by having sponsors.
(Name) also happened to be a well known journalist before she died so she tends to be the bringing in new stories circling the rings of hell.
Alastor eventually learned to enjoy having a co-host for his live broadcasting to help the exposure of the hotel.
(Name) is a Fox Demon (Might Draw what she looks like)
(Name) is a very creative woman who also enjoys the arts of music and dance.
Unlike Alastor she is rather fond and open to many genre of music and has an appreciation of all things old and new.
They often bicker about what sponsors to take on, (Name) was newer things that are deemed more modern but Alastor surprisingly prefers things a little more outdated or a little more sustainable in nature.
(Name) passed away around 21st century, she was roughly in her early 30s when she passed after a bad lead that ended up killing her. She had always been a very cunning woman and knew how to get what she wanted and would do anything to get the information she needed for her articles.
She was a very selfish woman when it came to her career and her promotions but aside from her greed and her pride she was sent to hell due to her questionable behaviour in obtaining said information, it’s a detail she still keeps vague from those around her.
(Name) managed to come across Alastor after she saw the news interview of Charlie prompting her little hotel of redemption, the Hazbin Hotel. She originally pretended to be a sinner who was on the path to redemption, but her original motives were to write a paper giving the inside scope to twist and tarnish the silly cause, but after meeting Charlie (Name) started to rethink her motives.
Alastor as an Overlord scared her when he fought on to her snooping but eventually the two dispute coming from two different eras were able to become the unlikely of friends.
(Name) still does write her papers on other subjects and publishes them anonymously until she ends up pissing off Valentino and Vox.
Above all Alastor and (Name) have a very platonic relationship but it can tiptoe around almost being romantic as they are both very protective of each other.
---------
---------
** Alastor in this Head Cannon I am creating for this Fanfiction is that Alastor is part of the Ace spectrum in his sexuality/orientation.
I am not well versed in asexuality aside from what friends have told me about their experience.
Alastor in this fanfic is not someone who feels sexual attraction nor does he find any interest in romantic relationships. Not because he dislikes the idea but because he doesn't understand romantic relationship and just doesn't find romance important (this is subjective to change as the story progresses when he and (Name) start to develop a closer relationship).
If I had to label his asexuality for this fanfic it would be Demisexual.
I just wanted to be clear here so I don't get anyone getting mad at me. I am aware back in 2018 the creator of Hazbin hotels said Alastor was Asexual and that at some point someone said that Alastor was Aro-Ace (Aromantic-Asexual) which is fine but for the sake of this Fanfiction he is Demisexual **
(Photo of (Name) the fox demon writer)
#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin fanfic#alastor x reader#radio demon#alastor headcanons#x reader#female reader#alastor
61 notes
·
View notes
Text
✨ happy new year! ✨
it's not yet 2024 where i am but it is where my love @ravensmadreads is, so happy new year already enjoying january 1st!
i usually overthink around my birthday as i march towards death but you lovely people have really made me think about 2023 as it comes to a close. i feel weird talking about myself (unless im drunk and we haven't started drinking yet so hold onto your butts for that possibility), so i'm just going to say this:
You all changed my life.
there, that's it. if you read this and you think it doesn't mean you, yes it does. not a day goes by where this place, this community does not bring me joy and warmth. i hope you get that job you wanted, or you get that fur baby adoption you've been hoping for, or you get accepted to that school you wanted to, or you graduate with all the honors, or you create the thing you've always wanted to, or you get the baby you've been hoping for, or the person who makes you heart flip says i love you. i'm nervous about next year because it truly feels like a year where anything can happen 🤍
now to the fandom stuff:
i've never done a fic rec list because inevitably, i'm a fucking moron and i leave someone out. i know it hurts when i'm left out of a fic rec list so i never want to do that to anyone here. what follows is a list of fics that spoke specifically to me. the old saying goes is that you don't write fanfic for yourself, you write it for the five freaks on discord that can't write coherent sentences after you publish -- and it's true. fanfic isn't about numbers -- i would much rather write for my five freaks on my discord (where my work has deep, emotional impact for them) than try to write for a large crowd that i will never ever manage to please all at once.
my wish for you in 2024 you all find your freaks. and i hope i'm one of them.
side note: there are a couple fics not on the list because i wanted to highlight fics that i didn't see much on other end of the year rec lists. but @iamskyereads 's Compulsion should be read in graduate programs and @whatsnewalycat already knows i'm going to name my first born child after her for her Psychomanteum. yall rock my goddamn world.
so without further adieu . . . these are the fics i read this year that tickled me pink.
God is a Woman by @wheresarizona
the way arizona writes max is entirely unique. i love her descriptions of how cold he is and how he doesn't breathe. i read this and had to rethink everything i ever wrote for max
the impaler by @kiwisbell
the dracula x johnathan x mina vibes in this are spectacular. this is a pairing i never thought i'd see much less enjoy so thoroughly. why is older tim being seduced by a younger max so hot??
night one by @haylzcyon
this is one of the first fics i read by hayley and she pretty much set the standard for all marcus pike fics moving forward. his endless patience, his flirty attitude, how he see things the reader won't admit, and then the sleeping bag -- god i'd read a thousand more fics about this dymanic
blood & tinsel by @morallyinept
so if i tried to list all of my favorite jett fics, we'd be here all night. but this one stands out to me because it's so well built. the description of the vampire "trance" or "glamor" or "compulsion" without using any of those words is INCREDIBLE. plus max is face-meltingly hot in this.
the world turned on its side by @idolatrybarbie
this was a surprise that came outta nowhere, but it hit me like a fucking train. bea weaves a story that sticks with you and creates a frankie that makes my entire soul sing.
heat by @wordywarriorwrites
okay, listen. the beauty of fanfic is that you can have insane, animalistic smut AND literary level writing. this fic is both. i have yet to come across another frankie abo fic that makes the dynamic more than a reason for the blorbos to fuck like animals. it's so well done, there's so much love here.
in fiction @sin-djarin
yall know dieter is my boy so i am VERY particular about how he is written in fic. everyone's interpretation is valid, but for dieter fics to resonate with me, there has to be this special blend of humor, kindness, dorkiness, and a sexiness you didn't expect. this fic is all of that and more.
reminiscence by @projectionistwrites
this was one of the first joel fics i read and there's something about it that just . . . feels right, feels natural to Joel. there's a raw honesty to both joel and the reader that just sunk into my chest. the back and forth over the drink, the SMUT, everything is just this beautiful snapshot of two lonely people in the apocalypse.
oct' 19 x ghosts by @trulybetty
another author that if i tried to choose a favorite, i simply couldn't. betty created a lovely, lovely world with this one (and the rest of the prompts for this one and her december prompts). i love fics that add a new layer to dieter and this one opened him up in a way that made him glow!
renegade by @eupheme
my personal favorite brand of joel is one that comes alive between reader's thighs. more boulder than human until you bring something to the surface. and this totally captures that. im a sucker for a good qz fuck-that-verges-on-love and i adore everything about it.
Dominica by @ohforficsake
if you ever need proof that notes do not reflect the quality of a fic, look no further. the language, the mastery of tension, and beauty of these descriptions are one two punches that knock me on the ass. genuinely one of my favorite frankie fics of all time.
wanna bet? by @write-and-buried
i debated putting this or her celestial navigation fic on this list, but this one just tickles me. i love it when authors throw in a confident, sex-obsessed dieter now and again and this makes me howl. and the DEBAUCHERY of the statue oh my god!
give it to me @sp00kymulderr
okay now to be fair, this review is entirely biased. i genuinely love gideon and all that they bring to this fandom. plus, they let me scream about dieter and then sends me dieter pictures that make me scream even louder. this fic is SO important to me. dieter here is everything i need and want: hesitant, anxious, but so madly in love. if i could wake up in one single fic every day, it'd be this one.
stepwise by @the-scandalorian
i joined this fandom through din and this has been, and always will be, one of my top favorites. the evolution of din from being touch averse to LUSTING after it, it kills me. it's a oneshot but so much is accomplished in such a short time. the writing here is simply superb.
salvatore by @devilmademewriteit
i came for the premise, stayed for the smut, and continued for the banter. i go back to this one all the time for inspiration with my own writing and then i get sucked in and read the whole thing through -- twice. javi drives me absolutely wild in this.
a whole new can of worms by @hier--soir
i accidentally read this out of order initially, but this was just reason for me to reread it from start to finish. fwb!joel can be really hit or miss for me, and primarily because this fic sets the standard. this feels like a real joel, a joel that has lost and found loved ones all through out his life and now in jackson, he can finally relearn what it means to be a lover. so good, so fun with the banter -- and the friggin' greenhouse scene -- woof!
telltale heart @astroboots
i am a SUCKER for 'frankie fixes his life' fics and this is one of the best. there are consequences for his choices in colombia, one that almost has him lose his family, and the woman he loves. this a real, genuine struggle for two people to overcome a seemingly impossible challenge in their marriage. you know the phrase, love conquers all? yeah this is that fic.
brand you in the way it counts by @charnelhouse
charnel was one of the first authors i read for the pedroverse -- and i mean i READ her. i read every single one of her fics at least twice and this one always sends me over the edge. it's such an inspiration to my own writing and i keep going back to her whole body of work to be reminded i can always improve my own writing
west by @radiowallet
when people want to know why fanfic matters, i want to show them this fic. it is achingly beautiful and written with a loving and gentle hand. joel is a messy, broken man but still capable, still good, still wanting to find love in this and i adore everything about this. Oneshots can be more devastating than multichapters because they end and this is one of them that drags me back to it constantly.
And to that weird little dude out of Chile who has no idea how much light he brings to the world…
Much love, Taylor 🤍
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
just a looong ramble analysing and rethinking Rey's character and turning whatever conclusions I get to into my headcanon without changing any plot points in TFA because I don't have the energy for that....
First things first. With everything I write here and publish on my blog from now on I refuse to believe that TROS ever existed. Everyone is free to have their personal opinions as long as they don't harass or hate on anyone, and this is mine. Almost every choice in that movie has left me scarred, even up til now, 4 years after its release. I thought I can ignore it, like any other healthy human being, but - oh boy, I cannot. If you are interested in reading another ramble on that, here's the post.
Since I am writing my own take on what could happen after TLJ (you may call it a fanfiction, I'm gonna call it a fanscript since that's gonna be its format), this post serves the purpose of getting my head clear around what's the deal with Rey, analysing, and lying down a solid foundation for my WIP. The story I'm writing has barely reached the end of Act I (out of III) at the moment I am composing this commentary, and I constantly notice that I get stuck with Rey's character every time I have to think about her for different reasons I will address down below.
I will make some rewrites as I see fit and necessary along the way for her character to make sense to me. All rewrites are in Tumblr's
chat style
This post will be linked to my AO3 fancifction as a reference for people to understand how I treat her character as soon as that one will be finished... *clears her throat* ...ANYWAY-
Let's have a look at Rey, shall we?
Rey's introduction.
When we first meet Rey, there is already a lot we get to learn about her. She's a scavenger. On a pretty much deserted desert planet. Water and food are scarce. She gathers parts during the day to sell them in exchange for food rations.
She has no friends, no family. She's lonely. And has been for quite a while. And yet, though hard, it looks like a pretty peaceful and stable life. If it were significantly different, we would have gotten introduction scenes of her battling some gangs or other scavengers for parts or something. But instead we were provided with beautiful, peaceful cinematography and John Williams' incredible score.
She manages. She manages because she has to and has never known to do otherwise. This on its own is already a very solid introduction. And it becomes even more powerful as we are provided with additional context later on, as she tells BB-8 that she's waiting for her family.
We know who she is, what she does and what she wants. No more questions, right?
Well, this is where it gets confusing, at least for me: there's one shot in Rey's introduction which always leaves me puzzled about her actual wants. It's the moment she puts on the rebel pilot helmet.
Maybe I am reading too much into it, but it feels like it kinda wants to draw parallels to Luke Skywalker in ANH? What exactly is the purpose of this shot? Is she putting on the helmet just for fun? Is it to show that she is still a kid inside? She seems to enjoy herself. Is it to show us that she maybe wants to be a pilot...? The gesture on its own is too little information to imply that, let alone that she already is a very skilled one, so probably no. Then, is it, perhaps, to show us that she dreams of more? Like Luke, who wanted to get off the planet that is "farthest away from the bright center of the universe"?
The interpretations, especially when looking at it in context to the rest of the movie could go on and on and on.
Quick detour.
The reason it works so well with Luke's character is because from the very beginning, with everything he does and says, it is perfectly clear that he doesn't want to stay on Tatooine. It's his only want when we first meet him.
Luke has friends who tell him about the galaxy. He seeks adventure.
And he's very impatient about it.
Everything he says basically SCREAMS how much he hates it there.
Now back to Rey.
Am I expecting Rey to show the same interest in getting off Jakku with the same attitude and level of energy as Luke, should that have been what TFA was going for? No, of course not. They are (supposed to be) two different characters after all. But I do believe that, given the setup, that helmet scene leaves too much room for confusing and unnecessary interpretation. (More so because I am trying my best to avoid nostalgia bait wherever I can.)
I am not denying the fact that she wouldn't have heard about the wider galaxy, that she wouldn't wonder about what it would feel like, being out there. People travel. And with people traveling, so do stories. So if you want to hint at that, do it subtly, all the while keeping the focus on her biggest want.
I might really just be reading too much into it, but still, in my humble opinion, a way to solve this confusion is cutting out her interaction with the pilot helmet completely. Let me demonstrate.
Inside her home we already see this self-made rebel pilot puppet. Just like the puppet lying around, instead of having her pick it up and putting it on,
the helmet remains part of the environment, stuck in the sand. There could even be a close-up on it as Rey puts down her empty plate next to it when she has finished eating if you really want to show it. She then rests her arms on her knees and looks up into the sky, following the ship that has just departed from the far outpost into the high atmosphere until it disappears. Waiting.
What is achieved by changing the interaction with the helmet is that it keeps her wants just as clear as Luke's. Luke wants adventure. She wants her family back. Period.
...I rewatched this scene after writing these paragraphs and yes, I admit, in the end it happens so fast that one could probably just let it pass and interpret it as Rey being very bored and using it as entertainment to wait out the days. But even if it were just that, the effects this little tweak would have on the following scenes is quite interesting to look at nonetheless.
The tweak I am going with from now on: Having her not actively wonder about possible adventures at all. She doesn't believe those stories to actually be true, because she's never allowed herself to. She's never allowed herself to actually want to ever leave Jakku.
What would it mean for her characterisation? It would make her slightly more serious and grounded. And the movie (except for the helmet scene) actually already treats her that way. Notice how she, while fixing BB-8's antenna, takes a moment to look at him before asking:
She's never seen such a droid before. At least not in such good condition. So, of course, she's curious. But when BB-8 says it's classified, she only laughs about it. "Classified? Really? Me too. Big secret," as if to say, haha, yeah, right. She rejects that possibility. And she doesn't bother asking any further, because when she is confronted with the choice to go and explore, she is reminded of her promise to herself, which is that she will wait for her family until they return.
Now, here is where I insert some very subtle "rewriting". When Rey first meets Finn, she is suspicious of him...
...and should actually remain suspicious,
instead of admiring him and falling into this, let's call it, "excited, fangirly smile"...
She doesn't know him. She has no reason to trust him. Instead, the tone of this line should be one that reflects her emotions as it slowly gets to her that those stories she's been hearing about might actually have some truth to them, that there might actually be a wider world out there. So make her be gradually interested.
Huh. This man I just forcefully hit to the ground, a Resistance fighter, knows about BB-8 and his classified information. What are the odds of that?
"So you're with the Resistance?" Rey asks suspiciously, looking down at the man.
The man stands up, brushes the sand and dust off his jacket and answers, "Obviously. Yes, I am. I am with the Resistance."
Rey frowns, "I've never met a Resistance fighter before," scanning him with her eyes. Why would there be any on Jakku? Nothing ever happens here.
"Oh, this is what we look like, some of us. Others look different."
Rey cannot help a little smile at his strange attitude. She looks back to where BB-8 rolled off to. Puzzled, she tells him, "BB-8 says he's on a secret mission. He has to get back to your base..." Even hearing herself pronounce that out loud feels so surreal to her. None of this makes any sense. Why-
"Apparently he has a map that leads to Luke Skywalker and everyone's after it."
What? "Luke Skywalker?" she asks, confounded.
CUT TO ACTION.
Whether she wants it or not, the plot forces her into the stories she's been hearing of. You don't want to believe they are real? They're real, all right. She has no choice but to run and get along. And later, she does get more and more interested, specifically when she meets Han Solo, the legend himself. Her whole beliefs turn upside down. It's exciting and she embraces it. Why? She's made a promise to BB-8 that she will get him home, and those things kinda come hand in hand.
Rey's physicality.
Rey is very fast to jump into action. She doesn't think twice about what she's doing. She just acts. Because that's how she's learned to survive all this time on her own. When she but hears BB-8 struggling in the distant sand dunes the first time they meet, she immediately reacts and goes to help (which also shows how compassionate she is towards people - and droids - in need of help).
And she's incredibly stubborn about it. If I may even word it like this: it's something she carries with pride.
So she's a good fighter. And I have but one request: DO. NOT. FORGET. THAT. HER. FIGHTING. STYLE. IS. ROUGH. AND. DIRTY. AND. HAS. NO. TECHNIQUE. WHATSOEVER. WHILE. THE. STORY. PROGRESSES. OK? Ok. What else? Ah, yes. Piloting. I don't know which of the two aspects has brought more uproar in the SW community, with the addition of the Force to these 2 points making people call her a Mary Sue, her being overpowered and so on. Let's have a look at that.
Rey's piloting skills.
She obviously knows her way around the Falcon. And it's plausible. "This ship hasn't flown in years!" It's been there for quite a while. Maybe she has had the opportunity to sneak onto it once. What about her flying skills? Well, that takeoff definitely had me worried. At this point I am even amazed this ship is still all in one piece. Which has me thinking... just a thought...
While trying to get those TIEs off their tail, Rey damages a visibly big part of the Falcon's exterior. "Ups," she comments, hastily checking the controls. Ok... The ship still flies. All good.
"What was that?" Finn calls from the gunner position, seriously worried for their lives.
"Nothing to worry about!" Rey quickly shouts back. All in all, the flight is messy as hell, and the Falcon needs some heavy repairs. But they still manage to get out.
"Nice shooting!"
"That was some flying! How did you do that?"
"Thanks! I don't know! I've flown some ships, but I've never left the planet."
(This is me reacting to their dialogue in the new context:) Yeah, guys, good work! You've almost destroyed the Falcon in the process, but you're alive, so I guess it's fiiiiiine.
What am I going for here? Adding to their level of expectations, which are... pretty low, and hopefully Rey's likability.
And then, later, Han is horrified of the state his ship is in, "Who did that?"
Rey doesn't answer his question, but instead immediately offers her help, "I can fix that for you," feeling a bit ashamed of handling the ship of a legend this carelessly. And Han is... well, Han about it.
When would the Falcon get those repairs, you might ask? Eh, *hand gesture* there's plenty of time on D'Quar for that while they discuss how to blow up the third Deathst- *clears her throat* Starkiller Base. And obviously it's not gonna be Rey doing those repairs.
This addition tones down her abilities, puts more focus on her skills as a scavenger and makes her more relatable. I'd also argue that it puts more weight to her decision to eventually decline Han's offer to join the crew because of her wants. You see, once immersed into the real thing, the stories becoming true, meeting the legends, she becomes genuinely curious. She asks questions. Why did Luke leave? What fight? She gets incredibly excited when Han offers her a job. And yet, despite all, she still wants to go back.
Nevertheless, Rey displays pretty amazing piloting skills under those stressful circumstances on Jakku. After all, flying the Falcon is....
Her instincts are implacable. One might even say that she*
She just isn't aware of it yet. It is not until some scenes with Han and the rathtars later that we get the first hint.
The Force.
Now I might be wrong, but I have a theory, which is that the piloting performance under high pressure on Jakku might have been it. The Awakening.
The Force calls to Rey through Luke's lightsaber. And she listens to it, not knowing what will follow. She experiences the Force vision, and is horrified.
"That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him, and now, it calls to you!"
"I have to get back to Jakku." Again.
Even when Maz tells her, "You already know the truth. Whomever your waiting for on Jakku, they are never coming back,"
she still refuses to believe that.
Tears run down her cheeks
and she shakes her head. No.
"But there's someone who still could."
Rey frowns. What is Maz implying there? "Luke?" she asks and realises what it's leading up to, and doesn't like it. Her emotions are a mess. She gulps back and keeps shaking her head as Maz speaks.
"The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. [...] The light. Feel it. [...] The lightsaber. Take it."
Rey doesn't want to hear of it. Any of it.
"I am never touching that thing again!"
Rey just witnessed complete horror. She is in denial. Keep in mind her clear wants from the beginning of the movie. Ideally her want for her parents to come back should be replaced by the character fulfilling her needs at the end of her arc. But we're not nearly there yet. What Maz tells her about the Force completely contradicts Rey's experiences. She cannot just accept the truth. And how does she handle it? She runs away. She's terrified.
She wants to go back to the way things were before any of this mess started. But the plot doesn't let her run away that easily. It knows she has to face her fears, one being her fear of the Force and one the fear of perhaps never making it back to Jakku ever again.
It forces her further into these situations, making it impossible for her to get out of them. She's trapped. Literally and figuratively. And fighting her way out won't work this time, the one ability she always relied on to save herself. It's her darkest moment. And if that were not enough, Kylo Ren, this stranger, this man inside that mask, the man from her vision, shoves all her insecurities right into her face.
"And Han Solo." Rey jolts up. Either out of fear of possibly betraying Han and slipping, giving away a location, or out of rage that Kylo has gone too far into her personal space. Either way, this rage gives her some strength to oppose him. "You feel like he's the father you never had. He would have disappointed you."
"Get out of my head!" He backs away for his own reasons, not wanting to think any more of his father, but still holds onto her mind. Rey does all she can to withstand him, and the longer she does, the more time it gives her to understand what is going on.
And Kylo senses it. What he's trying to do here is not working. Concern washes over his face, which makes him lose control over the situation. The connection opens, inviting Rey to tap into his mind. She's inside his head. Now she understands. She understands she can use this power on him, too. So she does.
And there it is. She's strong with the Force.
And that's intentional. Why? For reasons we discover in TLJ and numerous other fanfictions. (TROS? w-what's that-)
She has found a way out of the situation. Now, has she ever heard of Jedi mind tricks? Maybe? But remember what she just discovered: She just tapped into Kylo's mind. So she tries that again on the stormtrooper. Because when she knows how to act, she just does. She's always been confident in her physical abilities and skills. Why would she have to treat this new power any different? And luckily it works, after 3 tries.
And that's fine. Let's move on. Kylo kills Han. Explosions.
Notice this. Even though she knows she now has these new powers, the same powers Kylo has, she still draws her blaster at him after calling him a monster. She acts on emotion and choses the quick, familiar way.
I actually like to believe that Rey really doesn't know what the Force is and how it works, at all. How would she? Yes, Maz did tell her about it, but how do Force-powers manifest in people? She's never seen anyone use it before, upon meeting Kylo Ren. So in every scene she does use it, she just copies Kylo. That's the only reference she has. Remember how proud she is of her physical abilities. And she is so naive that she just goes and tries it for herself, without thinking of whether it will work out or not. And it works out for her. Because, again, she is strong in the Force.
It's true that her flaw, her naivety, is not really addressed in TFA. It never really backlashes on her. And, to be completely honest, I have no idea how to make room for that without some heavier rewrites yet. But maybe it's not necessary. TLJ takes care of that. TFA just introduces us to Rey as a character after all.
Now, is the force-summoned lightsaber making her overpowered? If you interpret it as "Kylo couldn't get that thing out the snow but Rey could," then yes, yes it is.
BUT, if you see it as "while Rey is observing the fight, she sees Kylo trying to summon it, so she copies him, the way she copied him with the mind-tapping, and reaches for it the moment Kylo conveniently gets it out of the snow for her," I don't think it is, though I do agree that in order for the second version to be true, the scene happens too fast with too little shots to explain it. *OP takes a breath* So, here is what I suggest:
Kylo reaches out for the lightsaber. SHOT of the lightsaber in the snow, fidgeting slightly. BACK TO Kylo, pulling anew. BACK TO the lightsaber. It gets free. CUT. Another shot of it flying through the air towards the camera.
SHOT on Rey witnessing that - she is already on her feet again - and immediately reaching for it as well, outstretching her arm towards it.
SHOT of Kylo as he feels the momentum of his pull shift and dodges out of the way. The lightsaber flies past him, into Rey's hand.
Rey has always been fast to react to action. So it would make sense for her to be able to do that. Ok. Now to the fight itself.
*sighs* I don't even know where to start. ...One thing's for sure. Kylo at this point is pretty much destroyed emotionally from having killed his father, but he's still big and strong and aggressive in his movements. Rey, on the other hand, kinda seamlessly knows how to handle a lightsaber, which... is definitely not believable at all.
Let's step back for a moment. Why do we have this fight? Rey needs to get Finn and herself out of there and Kylo is pretty much in the way, so she wants to eliminate the problem. And what does Kylo want? Sure, he is interested in Rey and her raw powers which eventually adds up to them being equals in the Force, so he doesn't want to kill her...
But he also wants that lightsaber, doesn't he?
(God, I am looking at this fight to find any clues and I'm just sitting here, elbows on the table, resting my head in my hands, massaging my temples, wondering, "why the hell are there so many cuts in that fight scene?") (I am no expert in fight choreography, so bare with me as I try to make this work.)
Rey is the one who draws first at him.
She has never wielded a lightsaber before, but knows how to handle a staff... so she treats the lightsaber like a staff within its limitations.
Because remember, HER. STYLE. OF. FIGHTING. IS. ROUGH. AND. DIRTY. AND. HAS. NO. TECHNIQUE. WHATSOEVER. So, pretend we have some well thought out choreography in this part.
Kylo blocks her with ease. Rey is frustrated. The lightsaber feels heavy and difficult to handle. It doesn't take long for Kylo to
get her cornered at the edge of the newly formed cliff.
"You need a teacher! I could show you the ways of the Force!" he exclaims.
Rey considers, out of breath, "The Force?" Rey takes a moment as her mind connects the dots. So that's what these new powers are? Kylo watches her, waits for her to make a move.
No time for pondering about the Force any more. Rey moves. Kylo LETS her duck and free herself from his block. She runs, backs away from the crater. He follows her. He outstretches his arm. Rey is stuck. She's literally petrified. Again.
Kylo draws nearer. He twirls his saber, now holding it backwards (you know, Ahsoka style). "No," she hisses through her teeth, struggling. Heavy breaths. She closes her eyes.
When he almost touches her hand holding the lightsaber, "No!" she RESISTS his force-cage and GOES FREE.
Because, you see, even though Maz told her to "close her eyes" and "feel the light", Rey has never done that before, and when under stress, I do believe she would rather choose a quick, familiar way to get out of the situation. The only thing she knows how to do with the Force at this point is to copy or resist Kylo. She wouldn't know how to to draw power from the Force, yet. She'll have plenty of time to learn that from Luke later, should she survive this fight, so we better continue.
Kylo stumbles back as she draws at him. Rey goes for a swing to hit from above, which Kylo manages to block last second, bringing his lighsaber up from behind his back.
As their lightsabers are crossed again he quickly reaches for her right hand, which is holding Luke's saber, with his left hand and moves it aside to his right towards the ground, using his crossguard for more momentum to force her down. He steps his left foot accordingly to keep himself stable. Rey cries out from the unexpected movement. They are kinda back to back. His left shoulder against her right one. The position is uncomfortable. He squeezes Rey's wrist. Rey cries out in pain. Then, she realises how close they are.
Time for some close combat, ladies and gentlemen.
She gives in and lets go of the lightsaber, lets it fall to the ground. Kylo releases her to reach for the fallen lightsaber. But before he can pick it up, Rey KICKS his left hand away with her right heel and PUNCHES his JAW with her right elbow from below. Kylo's head rocks back. He stumbles backwards from the harsh impact, causing him to turn his back to her in order to catch himself. Rey summons Luke's lightsaber back into her left hand, and ignites it. When Kylo turns back to his opponent, left and unprotected side first, Rey is ready to stab him in his left shoulder.
Kylo stumbles back some more, she brings her hands together for another strike leftwards, he barely blocks it, he stumbles back some more, it leaves his posture open, Rey strikes again, rightwards, lower this time, wounding his leg, he falls to his knee, leaving Rey the final blow to provide him with his scar.
The reason I started writing this entire ramble in the first place is a conversation I had with my friend which brought up the fact that Rey should be able to beat Kylo by using her rough, unpredictable moves. Shout out to my friend who, bless her, is willing to listen to and survives every one of my sw rants and who pointed this out in the first place!
Is this a good fightscene now? I have no idea. I hope so? I do have it very clear in my head now though, so I might go and have some fun storyboarding it in the nearest future.
You know the rest. The ground splits, she runs to Finn, Chewie picks them up. . . .
There are some more moments which I believe need some tweaks, like the meeting with Leia, which is just so unfair to Chewie, really, but if I go on and on about this, I would end up changing the entire movie, which I do not have the strength for atm. This ramble was supposed to be about Rey and her alone, so I am done here.
I guess in the end Rey does realise her needs and is able to let her wants aside for a bit longer and focus her hope on actually helping the Resistance and get Luke. Hope that, with finding Luke, she will get to understand these new powers. I do feel like the movie could have provided us with a more emotionally rich reactive scene to the fight and her abilities, and generally just more of those, but then, what am I expecting from a JJ Abrams film? We have Rian for that.
My conclusion? I'm bad with conclusions and summaries, so here you have it, my take on Rey by only adding to the existing dialogue, changing some attitudes here and there, adding a scene, and changing the fight sequence at the end and how she treats the Force.
I do have a clearer understanding of her character now, which was the entire purpose of this ramble, so I guess, mission accomplished. Congratulations on having made it till the end. It was a long ride. I did consider splitting this beast into 2 parts, but while writing this, at one point I just decided to fully commit to it.
You are totally free to, of course, agree with me and stay tuned for my WIP fanscript or disagree, never read through this thing ever again, ignore it and leave it to die on Tumblr's graveyard.
Before you ask, because I also considered doing that just for the sake of having fun with GIFs on Tumblr (all text gifs are taken from YARN btw), I will not do a post like this on TLJ, since I have no problems with Rey's character there at all. Props to Rian Johnson at this point, for managing to make sense of her with what TFA gave us.
#rey#rey nobody#the force awakens#the force is strong with this one#character analysis#character rewrite#headcanon#this is my headcanon now#ramble#long ramble#long reads#have i mentioned it's long?#star wars#star wars fanfiction
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
Style: Prologue
Resume: After failing several auditions, you decide to give up and give your all in your part-time job and your studies. You didn't count on your best friend coming up with a slightly tempting proposal that would make you rethink your plans.
Words: 437 [Is short, I know, but is just the introduction lol]
"Come on, Y/N, put that cloth aside and pay attention to me, I'm telling you this is important."
You took a breath and tried to concentrate on that horrible chocolate stain that was preventing you from finishing the cleaning of table 8. "Jiwon, I really appreciate you caring about me, I really do, but it's time for me to get on with my life" you sighed as you saw your blurred reflection on the shiny table. At last that stain had come out. "I think it would be best if I finish paying for my studies and complete my degree; I can't live on part-time jobs forever."
You went behind the counter and started to sort some things out. Your shift was about to end, and you couldn't wait to throw yourself on your bed and sleep until tomorrow.
"I know, I know you can't stay like this forever, but this was your dream as a child. You're an excellent actress, the world needs to see your talent, and this is the best chance you'll ever get," Jiwon's bright eyes shone brightly as she saw the interest growing in you. You had already put the glasses aside and your gaze was fixed on her. "JTBC company is planning to make a romantic comedy dorama, the director, Kim HyunJung, published and demanded that the main characters should be little known actors or actors who want to get into acting promptly with the excuse that she wants to capture new essences."
"I don't know" you mumbled with your head down. You were tired of going to auditions, of always being looked down upon or looked at as a pretty body. No one in all these years had even given you the role of a supporting character, and that was starting to make you wonder if the problem was really you, "I don't think she's looking for someone my age."
"Today 27 is equivalent to 18! You are a beautiful, charismatic, talented woman with a lot to give, you should give yourself a chance" You both looked at each other in silence, Jiwon's gaze trying to meet yours and convince you to give in.
You tried to imagine what would happen if you were cast in the role. The cameras, the flashbulbs, the reporters, your fans, the job offers, the gratifying feeling that you finally got to fulfill your dream....
"Okay, I'll do it" you stopped Jiwon's celebration immediately. Your relentless face sent a slight shiver down her back, "but this will be the last one I'll do, and if I don't stay, then I'll retire for good."
Masterlist.
#bts#taehyung x reader#taehyung x you#bts fluff#bts x fem!reader#bts x reader#bts x y/n#kim taehyung x reader#kim taehyung x you#taehyung#kim taehyung#bts x you#bts escenarios#escenarios bts#bts imaginas#bts reacciones#bts one shot
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
March 2024 Reading Wrap Up
I got bronchitis and my period at the same time in March, and then spilled tea on my computer, so March was a very stressful time for me. Regardless, I managed to read 10 books! And honestly, overall, this is one of the better months - the lowest I've ranked a book is 6/10, which is damn good considering the absolute bullshit I usually read.
Religious Text
None applicable.
1/10 - Why Did They Publish This?
None applicable.
2/10 - Trash
None applicable.
3/10 - Meh
None applicable.
4 to 6/10 - Mid-Tier
Tomb Sweeping | Alexandra Chang
I read this book while sick. And boy howdy, did that make it a weird experience. I get what it was going for, but it really wasn't my vibe. It just felt like everything was...unfinished. Which was the point, I suppose, but it was still annoying.
7 to 8/10 - Good With Caveats
What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality | Daniel A Helminiak
This is a very short book compared to my usual reads, topping at 152 pages. And I appreciate a book that gets straight to the point and analyzes the historical context around various works, particularly religious works. Good job. My only complaint is some editing issues.
Born to Love, Cursed to Feel | Samantha King
This was a poetry collection and was the only other book I read while sick, and boy howdy did I have a time of it. I spent most of the reading just...putting post-it notes in and nodding along to the lines. It was a surprisingly good book, considering I found it in the back alley version of a book store.
Southern Cunning: Folkloric Witchcraft in the American South | Aaron Oberon
Look. This is not a 101 book. It's not a 102 book. It's not even a 201 book. It simply is. And as much as I enjoyed it and enjoyed reading it, the fact that I spent most of my reading time fixing the editing means that I cannot, in good faith, put this any higher than an 8 out of 10. Dear Aaron Oberon, if you ever read this, PLEASE give me access to the original file so I can fix your punctuation and spelling mistakes. Sincerely, a fellow Southerner.
9/10 - Very Very Good
Snow White with the Red Hair, volumes 21-23 | Sorata Akiduki
I am still so fucking feral over this series. I love them so fucking much. I want them all to be happy but I also like seeing their shenanigans. Unfortunately, though we're at 26 published volumes, we've reached the end of the ones in Missouri Evergreen that I may access. I'll either have to wait and hope that someone gets them, or I'll have to bite the bullet and buy them myself.
Not Pounded By Anything: Six Platonic Tales Of Non-Sexual Encounters | Chuck Tingle
This is my first expedition into the erotic Tingleverse after reading some pieces of the horror Tingleverse in Straight and Camp Damascus. And I really, really like this book. It's 77 pages and is such an easy read. Godspeed, you glorious bastard.
10/10 - Unironically Recommend To Everyone
Well, everyone who's into the genre these fall under, at least.
Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft, tenth edition | Janet Burroway
I found this in the free section of a bookstore in the middle of nowhere, and let me tell you, it is now marked up one side and down the other with highlighter, because I needed it. There are so many good parts of this book that it's genuinely one I would recommend to people who are trying to figure out why their writing feels flat.
Sacred Gender: Create Trans and Nonbinary Spiritual Connections | Ariana Serpentine
First, I want to congratulate the author on what is possibly the coolest name ever.
Second, if you're an occultist, polytheist, witch, magic practitioner, or in any other way affiliated with things beyond or within mortal ken...get this book. It's making me rethink a lot of my own experiences with my craft and my religion, but in a good way.
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
genuinely curious, not a gotcha question, it’s been something i’ve been struggling with as i start on a big DID research-related project: how do you deal with all of the papers and professionals that deny that DID exists and that insist that trauma therapists are getting it all wrong? i know that they’re wrong on some level but it’s hard to make sense of all of the research that proves that dissociation is real vs the claims that ardently refuse it could even possibly be real. i hope this doesn’t come across as, like, snarky or rude or anything. i’m not a professional in the field or anything, just Some Guy with a dissociative disorder about to write a huge paper. i would love your insight (and can and will come off anon if you’d want to talk more directly about this) . thanks for all of your previous posts and hope you’re doing well. 🩵
Leading off with saying I love to talk about research so if you do want to chat about your paper or this topic feel free to talk to me in DMs!
The important thing with papers is to evaluate them. Pretty much every paper that deals with denying the existence of DID is an opinion article rather than a research article. When evaluating the opinion of an academic, you check their field, their credentials, what they have done for their field, their other published works, how long ago this paper was published, and of course whether their opinions and stances make sense. I have seen, for example, a paper stating that DID doesn't exist, and the paper's author was a general physician and their primary argument was that they have never seen anyone presenting with DID in their personal practice. That is not, frankly, an opinion I care about or give much weight to. I'm using a really simplistic example here to make a point, but there are certainly people who have better formed reasons for why they think what they think and that can mean you have to take a step back and think about it.
The scant few research articles that tries to find evidence of things like DID being iatrogenic instead of traumagenic, generally finds little/no supporting evidence against DID or against what we know about DID. It's also very important to understand that someone researching these things doesn't mean they are necessarily "against" you or your disorder. There are of course some who very clearly are against the concept of DID. But researching things like memory accuracy, sociocultural impact, etc is important regardless of what the findings are, because it gives us a better understanding of the disorder. A research team that is trying to find things that contradict current knowledge of DID is not your enemy by virtue of their research. This type of research is important because it can inform us if we've made a mistake in our understanding of the disorder, if we need to rethink approaches to therapy etc.
I read opinion articles but I take them exactly as opinions, because they are. If someone's opinion relies on outdated information and research contradicts it repeatedly, I am simply going to discard it. If they are well-informed I am more likely to listen, provided their reasoning is sound. But all in all it is not research and nothing they are saying is concrete evidence of anything. Opinion articles are VERY fun when academic drama is happening though.
#to be frank at this point even if DID doesn't exist how we currently understand it#there is enough evidence of DID being Something that all it would do is change our understanding of the disorder and perhaps change the name#If that makes sense#ask#anonymous
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Good Omens Fandom rant
Disclaimer: I’m angry. I’m mad. So this rant is maybe a tad unfair. It’s about gender and gender representation etc. so if these are things that make you easily mad or angry as well, better not read it. I wanted to be positive after S2 and failed. If you want to be happy after S2, scroll on. I might delete later, idk.
So yeah, it’s fandom wank and maybe it is not that deep. But I have to go somewhere with it.
I ask people who yell at or outright bully fans, interpreting Aziraphale and Crowley as gay men, to take a tiny step back and for one fucking second think how old this fandom is!
You can’t just tell people who have been in that fandom for 30 years that they have to change all their HCs.
Yes, the book “Good Omens” has the line “angels are sexless” to make clear that Aziraphale is not gay. But in the 1980/90s that line meant “oh no, publisher, editor, reviewer, we’re not having a gay main character who is kind, empathetic, relatable, good and does not die in the end in our book! That would be crazy!”
Everyone knew that. With Crowley people may have had varied interpretations. But Aziraphale was so important to many gay men. I remember my friend from university, the gay guy who forced me to reread Good Omens in the English original (because the German translation is… not great) having literal tears of happiness in his eyes when speaking of Aziraphale. Because for the first time he felt that he was represented in a loving and respectful way.
Telling men like him that he isn’t allowed to headcanon him as a gay man anymore? I’m sorry, that’s not only pretty much against the “all headcanons are valid” rule. That’s just cruel. Aziraphale as gay men rep was literally what kept him upright in his homophobic family. Fuck you if you call him a bigot for clinging to it.
“They are angels, they have no concept of gender”
Oh, good! In that case it’s quite impossible to misgender them, right? True, “man” is a human label. So is “nonbinary”, “genderfluid” etc. If they have no concept of gender, they won’t mind being called literally anything, right?
For a crowd that claims gender doesn’t matter, the GO fandom reacts quite aggressive to the word “male”. Weird.
And yes, I know that a lot of people think they are canonically nonbinary. I don’t know and I don’t care. This is about Headcanons and not coming after people for said headcanons.
P.S.: sex and gender aren’t the same, so sexless and genderless aren’t either. Maybe rethink the take that a being can never be a man when they weren’t “created” as one?
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
Here it is! My most frequently rewatched movie! Thank you for coming on this journey with me.
Script below the break
Hello and welcome back to The Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies in a 20-year period. Today, at last, we reach the end of that list as I discuss my number one: MGM’s 1940 comedy The Philadelphia Story, directed by George Cukor, written by Donald Ogden Stewart with uncredited contributions from Waldo Salt, based on the play by Philip Barry, and starring Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, and James Stewart.
Two years after the disastrous end of her first marriage to childhood friend C.K. Dexter Haven (Cary Grant), socialite Tracy Lord (Katharine Hepburn) is preparing for her second wedding, to George Kittredge (John Howard), general manager of her estranged father’s coal mining company. Eager to cover this story but knowing that Tracy loathes publicity, Spy magazine editor and publisher Sidney Kidd (Henry Daniell) enlists the help of Dexter to get reporter Macaulay “Mike” Connor (James Stewart) and photographer Elizabeth “Liz” Imbrie (Ruth Hussey) to the Lord house the day before the wedding. In those 24 hours before her second marriage begins, Tracy is prompted to rethink not only her choice of husband, but also her entire attitude toward people and life.
This must have been one of the first old movies I saw in 2002 because the only thing I remember about my initial experience of it was that I expected Tracy to accept Mike’s proposal, and if I’d been an experienced old movie watcher by then I would have known that obviously Katharine Hepburn was going to end up with Cary Grant, not James Stewart. I certainly did not immediately fully appreciate this movie, although I was intrigued enough to keep revisiting it until eventually it became my favorite. I watched it five times in each year from 2003 through 2005, four times in 2006, twice in 2007, 2008, and 2009, three times each in 2010 and 2011, five times in 2012, once in 2013, once in 2014, twice in 2015, once in 2017, twice in 2018, four times in 2019, once in 2020, twice in 2021, and once in 2022. Part of why I watch this so much is because it has three stars whose birthdays I celebrate almost every year, so I often watch it for Cary Grant’s birthday and then either Katharine Hepburn’s or James Stewart’s (their birthdays are only about a week apart so I don’t usually watch it for both). I think part of why I didn’t watch it in 2016 is because I watched it in late December of 2015 for the 75th anniversary of its release, so Grant’s birthday in January felt too soon to revisit it, and that May I decided to watch through all the Fred and Ginger movies starting with Astaire’s birthday, so I was less focused on Kate’s and Jimmy’s birthdays that year. And then later in 2016 I was too obsessed with Poe Party to watch much of anything else. But to make up for that, the reason I watched it so many times in 2019 is because Mary Kate Wiles used to host readings of plays and movie scripts with her actor friends for her Patreon, and I offered to transcribe the script of Philadelphia Story so she could do a reading of that one, and even though I knew the movie very well by then I decided to go through it a few more times to make sure I got all the details right, so eventually my love of Poe Party led to more rewatches of this. And the current Shipwrecked project, The Case of the Greater Gatsby, takes place in December of 1940 so there are lots of Philadelphia Story references in it and they make me very happy. Anyway, I’ve put quite a bit of effort into not watching this movie too many times too close together because I don’t ever want to overwatch it to the point of getting tired of it, like I did with a few other movies I’ve mentioned on this podcast, and many more that I burned out before they could make it into my top 40. While the stars’ birthdays have contributed to the view count, mostly this is my number one comfort movie that I know I can always turn to when I need something to watch, and I’m afraid of pushing it to the point where that no longer works. Although the fact that I sat through it 51 times in 20 years – the same number of views as number two plus number 40 on this list – and haven’t come close to getting tired of it yet indicates that I probably never will.
I don’t think I can really articulate what exactly it is about this movie that makes it my favorite to revisit, but I’m going to try. Certainly the fact that it features three of my favorite classic film stars helps, although a big part of why I love those stars so much is because of what they did in The Philadelphia Story. Every single member of the cast gives an absolutely fabulous performance. There isn’t a ton of action, but the dialogue is a perfect example of everything I love about the best Old Hollywood scripts: snappy and witty and clever on the surface, with real human emotion and intriguing philosophy underneath. The movie features many different kinds of brilliantly executed comedy, but the more serious moments still hit without feeling out of place. It deals with taboo subjects like divorce, infidelity, and alcoholism in ways that complied with production codes but still don’t feel too watered down. Basically, it has all the aspects I love about the other old movies on this list, only more so.
Several of my very favorite movie scenes of all time are in The Philadelphia Story. One is when Mike has had a lot to drink at a party and decides to visit Dexter in the middle of the night. The way drunk Jimmy Stewart and sober Cary Grant interact is hilarious and makes me desperately disappointed that the two of them never appeared in another movie together. At one point, Stewart makes a noise that’s kind of a mix of a hiccup, a cough, and a burp. Grant, thinking that Stewart has ruined the take, goes, “Excuse me,” sounding a little annoyed but trying to make a joke out of it, but then Stewart drunkenly responds with, “Huh?” indicating his intention to go on with the scene. Grant looks down, stifling a laugh, and then they continue with the dialogue, and I love that instead of reshooting it, or editing around it, they kept that in the movie. There may not be a blooper reel, but we still get to watch Jimmy Stewart almost break Cary Grant, and that’s good enough for me.
Another of my favorite scenes comes a bit earlier in the film, when Tracy and her younger sister, Dinah, played by Virginia Weidler, meet Mike and Liz for the first time. Tracy immediately saw through Dexter’s story that they were friends of her older brother’s and knows they’re reporters, but agreed to play along when Dexter informed her that Sidney Kidd intends to publish a story about Tracy’s father’s affair with a dancer unless he gets a story on her wedding. To protest the situation, Tracy and Dinah decide to put on a show for Mike and Liz, who don’t know that they know they’re reporters, and it is maybe my favorite comedic scene in any movie. First Dinah dramatically stumbles in wearing pointe shoes and some gaudy jewelry that was a wedding present she previously insulted. She then puts on an overly posh voice as she explains that she spoke French before she spoke English – “C’est vrai absolument!” – and boasts that she can play the piano “and sing at the same time!” She makes her way to the piano with the least graceful toe walk possible, and then bangs out a very silly rendition of “Lydia the Tattooed Lady,” a song mainly associated with Groucho Marx. While Mike and Liz are staring at her in bewilderment, Tracy peeks into the room and beams like she’s never been prouder of her sister. Once the song is finished, Tracy enters and praises Dinah in French, comparing her to Chopin, and then saying Dinah looks ill and she hopes it’s not smallpox, which freaks out Mike and Liz, but the audience knows it’s a private joke because earlier Tracy told Dinah that the only way she could postpone the wedding was to get smallpox. After Dinah leaves, it’s Tracy’s turn to confuse the reporters, and it is truly brilliant. The dialogue and the way it’s read, as Tracy turns the interview around and starts asking them invasive questions, is so good. Like when Tracy’s talking about how they don’t let any reporters in, “except for little Mr. Grace who does the social news. Can you imagine a grown-up man having to sink so low?” or when she’s welcoming them to Philadelphia and says, “It’s a quaint old place, don’t you think? Filled with relics, and how old are you, Mr. Connor?” It’s the seemingly accidental but actually very deliberate insults that get me. And then on top of that, there is some incredible yet subtle physical comedy going on throughout the conversation. Tracy accidentally-on-purpose pushes Mike and Liz into each other as she offers them seats, and there’s a whole very long bit between Tracy and Mike involving cigarettes, matches, and lighters that I didn’t even notice the first few times I watched it because I was too focused on what they were saying. It’s a thoroughly enjoyable scene all the way through, and every time I watch Tracy exit that room, leaving the reporters to ponder their bafflement, I have to applaud.
But the movie also excels at mixing some drama and seriousness in with the comedy. There’s a lot of focus on how Tracy demands perfection from herself and everyone around her, and as a result is missing out on the joys of human messiness. She makes a big deal about never drinking alcohol, although Dexter reveals that she did get drunk one time when they were married, and later remembered nothing about it. But after Dexter tells her that being married to her felt like being a high priest to a goddess, and George tells her that he worships her like a queen, and her father, who showed up uninvited, tells her she might just as well be made of bronze, Tracy gives in and starts drinking heavily at the party the night before her wedding, which was where Mike also got very drunk. Tracy and Mike meet up at Dexter’s house, then go back to her place, and dance and argue for a while until Mike kisses her and tells her that he sees her as a human being, which is a wonderful change of pace for her, so she suggests they go swimming together. Later, Dexter and George see Mike carrying Tracy back to the house, both of them in bathrobes, and George assumes the worst. The next morning, Tracy can’t remember what happened, but Dinah tells her that she saw Mike carry Tracy into her room – which is another excellent scene, Virginia Weidler was one of the best child actors of all time and people barely ever talk about her anymore, but she and Katharine Hepburn do a fabulous job of getting the point across that they both think Tracy slept with Mike the night before without breaking production codes. And then after that when Mike appears, he and Tracy have the most excruciatingly awkward conversation, and it’s so painful but so good. Dexter also shows up trying to comfort Tracy, and I love the way he doesn’t accuse her or condemn her or even ask her what happened, partly because he knows she doesn’t remember, partly because Mike told him nothing happened, but partly because you get the feeling that he wouldn’t think any less of her if she had drunkenly hooked up with Mike. And maybe that’s reading too much into this, but his reaction is certainly quite different from George’s, which I guess makes sense because technically she would have been cheating on George and not Dexter, but George doesn’t even let her explain before breaking up with her by note. He does finally show up in person as she’s reading the note aloud to Dexter, Mike, and Liz, and their confrontation is so well done – I particularly love Liz’s “Say something, stupid!” to Mike, who is just standing there listening to George accuse Tracy of having an affair with him. But after a while, Mike does eventually reveal that their so-called affair consisted of exactly two kisses and a rather late swim. Tracy and George don’t believe him at first, and then Tracy is offended, until he points out that she was very drunk and he didn’t want to take advantage of her. And like, I know that this movie was made in 1940, so the censors weren’t going to let Tracy actually have sex with another man the night before her wedding anyway, but I still can’t help loving the way they handled this. Tracy makes a bit of a fool of herself and learns that George is not the right man for her without going too far, and Mike demonstrates that it’s not that difficult to respect a woman’s autonomy and recognize when she is unable to consent.
I have a lot of mixed and complicated feelings about this story from an aroace perspective. On the one hand, it is very focused on romance and marriage. Also the whole thing about characters describing Tracy using phrases like “virgin goddess” and “perennial spinster, however many marriages” to illustrate her coldness and lack of human understanding is…not exactly an ace-affirming metaphor. On the other hand, I always appreciate stories about adults who have the chance to sleep together and choose not to, even when I know it’s at least partly because of production codes. And somehow, something about the way Dexter, Tracy, Mike, and Liz all interact give me hints of queer found family vibes, even though they end up paired off heterosexually. Maybe it’s the fact that it was directed by a gay man and features at least two probably queer actors that’s giving me that vibe, I don’t know. Another of my favorite scenes – I know, I have way too many – is when Dexter and Liz return to the Lord house after writing a blackmail note to Sidney Kidd. It’s a fairly short scene, but the way the two of them interact as platonic friends who understand each other but clearly don’t like each other romantically is not something I’m used to seeing in a scene featuring a man and a woman alone, and it makes me happy. Mike also has some great moments with Dexter, as does Tracy with Liz. I like to think that the four of them maintain their friendship after the events of the movie, rather than amatonormatively going off and doing their own thing with their spouse and forgetting about their friends. This movie does portray sex and romance as part of the human experience, but I don’t feel like it portrays them as the only important part. The message is all about pursuing the life that’s right for you, and not looking down on people who have different priorities, and when you look at it from that perspective, it actually is kind of ace-affirming, albeit probably unintentionally. But as I’ve indicated multiple times in previous episodes, asexual representation is so rare, and aromantic representation is even rarer, that if you can find an approximation of affirmation by tilting a story and squinting at it, even that feels exciting. That’s how low the bar is.
With that being said, as a teenager I definitely did relate to Tracy Lord, at least in terms of the way I was perceived. I think a lot of my peers thought that I thought I was better than them, when it was mostly that I just didn’t understand them. I don’t remember anyone calling me a goddess or a queen or a statue, but other middle and high schoolers definitely teased me for being “perfect”, which told me that they didn’t really see me as a person, so I felt Tracy’s pain and confusion when she got called out like that. I do think that like Tracy, I had a lot to learn about letting myself make mistakes and not judging other people too harshly for theirs, but I also still strongly feel that some of the criticism leveled at Tracy – and at me – was unwarranted. I can’t tell if the movie wants us to agree with Tracy’s father when he blames his philandering on not having the right kind of daughter, but I think that’s entirely unreasonable of him, and Tracy absolutely does not deserve that. And I’m not sure it’s fair of Dexter to blame her for contributing to his alcoholism, but at least Dexter takes some responsibility for his actions, unlike Seth Lord. I think my peers didn’t understand me any more than I understood them, but I probably could have cut them more slack and tried to get to know them better before writing most of them off as too different for me to possibly get to know. The circumstances in this movie are very different from being a high school misfit, but as a high schooler who often had trouble relating to movies that were actually about high school misfits, somehow this movie spoke to me. It was an escape from high school that also helped get me through high school. The story helped me become a less judgmental and more forgiving person toward others while also helping me feel better about being who I was unapologetically. I also got similar messages from other sources, so I don’t want to give this movie too much credit, but at the same time, I don’t think any single movie affected my teenage years more than this one, so I would certainly be a different person if I had never seen it.
The story of how this movie came about and what it led to is also very important to me. After appearing in several box office flops in the late 1930s – several of which made it onto this list – Katharine Hepburn left Hollywood for Broadway to star in and financially back the stage version of Philadelphia Story, which Philip Barry had written specifically for her. Howard Hughes purchased the film rights as a gift for Hepburn, with whom he had been romantically involved, although it seems like the romantic part of their relationship was over before that, so this is like My Man Godfrey in that it turned out the way it did partly because of exes who were still friends. Katharine Hepburn then sold the rights to Louis B. Mayer for only $250,000 on the condition that she would have input and veto power over producer, director, screenwriter, and cast. She got the director and writer she wanted, but her first choice for the two male leads – Clark Gable and Spencer Tracy – were unavailable. Gable reportedly hated George Cukor and was rumored to be at least partly responsible for the director being kicked off of Gone with the Wind, so it’s probably just as well that he wasn’t involved. Future lovers Hepburn and Tracy hadn’t even met yet at this point, so it would have been interesting if this was their first movie. But ultimately, Cary Grant came on board, under the condition that he would receive top billing, which feels a bit strange to see because Hepburn is clearly playing the main lead, but Grant also donated his entire salary to the British War Relief Society, so we can’t accuse him of too much selfishness. And James Stewart’s performance as Mike would earn him one of the film’s two Oscars, although he apparently thought that Henry Fonda should have won for The Grapes of Wrath, and that he had only received it as belated recognition for his performance in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington the previous year. Donald Ogden Stewart also won for Best Screenplay. The film was also nominated for Best Picture and Cukor was nominated for Best Director, and the performances of Katharine Hepburn and Ruth Hussey were nominated as well. The fact that Hepburn didn’t win – and lost to her rival Ginger Rogers, no less – indicates that Hollywood was still a little reluctant to welcome her back. But this movie crucially changed the public’s perception of Katharine Hepburn, transforming her from box office poison to a box office draw. They were calling her a has-been in 1938, but with The Philadelphia Story she showed them that she still had more to contribute, and her career took off in the 1940s, and lasted into the 1990s.
Even now, generations later, twenty years after Hepburn’s death, it’s easy to tell just by watching this movie why it was such a turning point for her. She completely embodies the spoiled socialite, but she makes Tracy sympathetic enough that when she is taken down a few pegs, as she needed to be, the audience feels sorry for her rather than gloating. Tracy is radiant enough that we understand why George worships her, yet she is down to earth enough that we understand her yearning to be seen not as an object of worship, but as a human being. Hepburn nails both the comedic scenes and the more serious dramatic scenes, with no hint of the desperately-trying-too-hard actress who comes across too often in some of her earlier films. While I obviously still love many of those films, watching this one feels like we’re seeing a Katharine Hepburn who has finally come into her own. There certainly was an element of trying to get the public to like her, but there’s no desperation about it. She gets this character, and knows how to make the audience get her too. I don’t think I could have found Tracy so relatable if she hadn’t been played like that. And listen, I’m thrilled that Ginger Rogers won an Oscar, especially because Hepburn would end up with four and didn’t really need this win, but if I had to pick one single all-time favorite film performance, I can’t think of any that would beat Katharine Hepburn’s Tracy Lord. Although I also have to say that I think Cary Grant’s performance as Dexter is incredibly underappreciated. I’ve said before that sometimes I have trouble taking him seriously in dramatic roles, but this was the ideal blend of seriousness and silliness for him, and he nails every emotional beat. He does an excellent job of showing the audience that he has grown and learned from the mistakes of his first marriage and is ready to move forward with healing his relationship with Tracy, which makes this a much better remarriage story than His Girl Friday, for example. There were a lot of movies made around this time about a divorced couple reconciling, mostly because that was the only way the Production Code allowed the scandalous topic of divorce to be addressed on film, but Philadelphia Story feels different from most of those. It’s more like Pride and Prejudice, if Pride and Prejudice started right after Elizabeth turned down Darcy’s first proposal. Both are about a couple who needed to grow and reflect before they could be happy together. I think those are my favorite kind of romances because they have less to do with attraction, which I don’t really understand, and more to do with trying to become the best version of oneself, which everyone can do regardless of how they feel about romance. Anyway, I’m a little sad that this was the last time Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn worked together, but I’m so glad they got to make this masterpiece before their careers diverged.
In 1956, The Philadelphia Story was remade as a musical film called High Society, which I watched 12 times. I enjoy that version too, although obviously not nearly as much as this version. It’s a fun romp, and the Cole Porter songs are great, but it doesn’t quite pack the same emotional punch as The Philadelphia Story. Strangely, considering I don’t think anything can touch Hepburn’s original portrayal, my favorite part of that movie is Grace Kelly’s performance as Tracy. She put her own spin on the character and was clearly having fun – probably at least partly because she’d already decided to retire from acting and marry a prince, and was wearing her actual engagement ring in the film. My biggest objection to High Society – and yes, I know I’ve complained about this too many times on this podcast but bear with me one more time – is the age gap between Dexter and Tracy. They’re supposed to have grown up together, but Bing Crosby was 26 years older than Grace Kelly, and their dynamic is just all wrong. The story doesn’t work if Dexter is old enough to be Tracy’s father! Whereas in Philadelphia Story, we’ve got Cary Grant who was born in 1904, Katharine Hepburn who was born in 1907, and James Stewart who was born in 1908. They were all basically the same age! It can be done! John Howard was born in 1913, so he was a bit younger, but I think that works for the way George looks up to and admires Tracy, and still that’s a relatively small gap. Anyway, we can add “getting actors of appropriate ages” to the long list of things The Philadelphia Story did right.
So there we have it. I’ve talked about all of my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies of my first 20 years of keeping track. Thank you so much for listening to all my rambling! I hope you’ve found this entertaining and informative – I know I have. I’m planning to do one more epilogue episode in a few weeks summarizing what I’ve learned from this project, so stay tuned for that if you’re interested. I also have lots of other ideas for movie-related podcasts that may or may not come to fruition, we’ll see. Since I don’t know what the next movie I’ll podcast about will be, I’ll leave you with one last quote from The Philadelphia Story: “We all go haywire at times, and if we don’t, maybe we ought to.”
#the philadelphia story#george cukor#katharine hepburn#cary grant#james stewart#i love this movie so much#this project has been a lot of fun#i'll be back with a conclusions episode soon-ish#but i'm going to take a break first
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
tell me how it got this way | ch.5
pairing: jungkook x f.reader, hoseok x f.reader
genre: fwb to lovers/friends to lovers, love triangle | angst, smut, fluff | non-idol!au
chapter rating: mature, minors dni
warnings: drinking, mentions of sex (nothing explicit), jimin is a little shit (affectionate), swearing, i think that's it
word count: ~6k
a/n: other idols pop up in this chapter (ateez & seventeen), they're really just used as names. ages aren't relevant and you can assume they're all generally around the same age. the final part (at least for what i have planned) is also finished and i'm going to post that next week!
prev | masterlist | next
When Namjoon had initially pitched the idea of selling the movie rights for your books, your answer was immediate. No. Movies rarely, actually, came out as good as the books and you felt like you lost so much of the finer detail. If you had wanted to see your work on the big screen, you would be writing screenplays instead of full-length novels. Which, okay, that sounded pretentious even in your head, but whatever. Namjoon got the picture and the conversation was tabled temporarily.
About two months after that, Namjoon had found what he called a compromise. You weren’t sure how it was a compromise since it was your work and you didn’t want to sell the rights. Until Namjoon reminded you that the publishing company also had a stake. Point: Namjoon. It was a good point, though, because a streaming service wanted to pick up the rights to just the first book as a test and do a limited-run series as opposed to a movie. Namjoon was very clear on the differences here. The budget, in some ways, would definitely be smaller, you aren’t looking at big superstar names, and, most importantly, you have to either sign on as a co-writer for the screenplays or fully sign the rights over. They were fine with either option, they just knew that there wasn’t enough in your book for the standard 8-10 episodes.
And that answer was just as immediate. Yes. These were the kinds of chances that authors hoped for. Yes, it will still be different from the book. This just gives you much more leeway to include the important details and even flush characters out more in a way that’s just too much for a book. You’re not Stephen King over here releasing his “unedited” version of The Stand, which, if you’re being honest, was kind of (read: insanely) self-indulgent. Not that you’re comparing yourself to Stephen King, either. To each their own and all that.
So, with Namjoon’s guidance, you signed a deal where you’d co-write the episodes with a team who actually have a lot of experience doing just that. Really, you know you’re just there to keep everything true to the world that’s lived in your head for years. That’s why they want you. Some people will stumble onto this show never having heard of the books (and Namjoon hopes it’ll make them buy a copy), but others will tune in expecting it to come off the same way they’ve been imagining, for characters to make decisions that feel authentic.
You actually kind of loved the writing sessions. It was really amazing to see how things came together and to be in a room where you didn’t need to shout to be heard. Everyone there was genuinely interested in your feedback, and you tried to be conscious of when to just let the process unfold. It was collaborative in the best way. The only hard thing was keeping it all under wraps from almost everyone. The whole team had decided that they wouldn’t announce the news until the rough copies of the scripts were finished enough to move on to casting.
Now, that you’re having to sit through casting auditions, you’re rethinking your entire life that has led to this moment. No, that is not dramatic. You gave the casting team literal pages on pages for every character that needed to have any sort of significant role in the show and had even worked with someone for fucking *mood boards* for the main characters. There were days when you barely slept because you had to churn things out for casting. All so you could turn the rough scripts into final copies. What else did they want from you?
To sit through casting calls, apparently. So fine. You can eat craft services with the best of them.
After a few days, you do start to see the point in it all, see the times when the casting team liked two people for a particular part and looked to you as the deciding factor. While it felt like a lot of pressure, it also allowed you to make sure everything felt right. It was never just about physical appearance, that was always fluid. You also didn’t want Kristen Stewart in the Twilight movies with one damn expression the entire time. (No shade to Kristen Stewart, it just wasn’t anyone’s best look in those movies).
The one positive is that you’ve managed to meet a few people you actually kind of like. And, okay, yeah, they’re mostly assistants to some of the more important people in the process, but those people are stuffy and very unlikely to gossip with you around the water cooler. Since you’ve never had a normal office job, this is a very important part of actually getting to work with people. Namjoon scoffs a lot at this, says that it’s probably good that you haven’t had a normal office job. He spends a lot of time letting you know actual office jobs aren’t anything like sitcoms, which is funny considering the office where he works. Maybe he doesn’t gossip around the water cooler, but you’ve definitely seen the assistants gathering. Even heard his name come up a time or two. Heard how attractive they all seem to think he is. They’re not wrong.
Your new friends are also the type of people who insist that you absolutely have to join them when they decide happy hour is the perfect way to end the day. As San points out, you have the morning off tomorrow anyway. When you ask why it would matter if it was just happy hour, Wooyoung promptly elbows San hard in the ribs and says it doesn’t. You don’t miss the conspiratorial look on their faces, but fuck it. Happy hour sounds good.
Your head is pounding and it feels like you got hit by a freight train. You don’t even remember getting that drunk the night before. The whole evening is kind of a blur of shots and bright lights and off-key karaoke. It was just supposed to be happy hour, which you learned quickly was your first mistake. There was no such thing as just happy hour with San, Wooyoung, and their insanely chaotic group of friends. And as the sleep is wearing off, something else creeps in. There is an arm draped over you. You’re not alone in your bed. Peeking one eye open, you’re immediately struck with the fact that these aren’t your walls, not your sheets, this isn’t your bed. You’re praying on everything that you don’t believe in that the arm belongs to one of the other people you’d gone out with the night before. You remember thinking one of Wooyoung’s friends was cute and tall and smiley, a little flirty and a little shy too. And then you see the hands. And the rings. With a careful glance back, you confirm it’s Hoseok, shirtless (you don’t need to check if it’s wearing anything else).
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
It’s rushing back. You quickly learned San and Wooyoung had no intention of letting you go after just happy hour. They were all convinced you were too stressed and that what you really needed was a patented WooSan (yes, they had a couple name, despite not actually being in a relationship) night of fun. You briefly considered protesting, but really, what was the point? And fuck, they weren’t wrong.
So happy hour turned into multiple stops. Wooyoung was on a karaoke mission and although you had never heard him sing, you instinctively thought drunken karaoke was never a good idea. (You were wrong, he had the voice of an angel to match his personality of the devil.) Karaoke meant meeting up with more of their friends. And somehow, because fate was cruel, one of their friends had brought along his friend Hoseok. You remember staring at him like a deer in headlights before declaring everything was fine and hitting the shots. There also may have been a lot of flirting with Wooyoung’s tall friend with the shy smile whose name you couldn’t remember.
Now, in the light of day, it was not fine. You gingerly slide out from underneath his arm and carefully get out of the bed, tiptoeing over to what you can only hope and assume is a bathroom, phone snatched off the nightstand on the way. You’re thanking drunk you for not making it harder to find.
Once you’re in the safety of the bathroom, you sink down to the floor and take a couple of breaths. You’re not sure if it’s the hangover rearing its ugly head or just the situation you’ve found yourself in.
You: Yoongi are you up?
You: Please be up, I need you!
You: This is important! Like one of those most important things in the world.
Yoongi isn’t answering and you’re starting to panic. You need someone to talk you through this. So you call him, knowing that it might get his attention. The first call goes to voicemail and so you try again. This time after the second ring you hear him grunt a frustrated “what?” and then hang up.
Yoongi: What the fuck? You call twice and hang up on me?
You: Because I need you
Missed call from Yoongi
Yoongi: Then answer the fucking phone
You: I *can’t*
You: Yoongi, I fucked up, like really fucked up
Yoongi: What’s going on?
You: I went out drinking last night and ugh I did something really fucking stupid
Yoongi: Whatever it is, it’s not that serious
You: I just woke up next to Hobi…
You: Like I’m in fucking university again
Yoongi: …
Yoongi: I’m going back to bed, you’re being dramatic
You: I’m *not* this is SERIOUS
Yoongi: It’s not that serious
You: I’ve spent 5 years trying to get over the way he treated me, so yeah it’s a big deal
Yoongi: it’s just drunken sex and I’m tired
You: oh my god, give the phone to Jimin
Yoongi: Just text him
You: Yoongi, please
You stare at the phone and try to figure out what else to say when the screen lights up again.
Yoongi: I have a very grumpy boyfriend
You: Jimin, thank god
Yoongi (Jimin): what is it my little problem child?
You: Just read up
Yoongi (Jimin): You bitch, you went out and got drunk and didn’t invite me?
You: Jimin can we focus please?
Yoongi (Jimin): Who did you go out with?
You: Is this really the time?
Yoongi (Jimin): I’m waiting
You: Fuck Jimin, just some people that are working on the show
You: Now can we please talk about this colossal mistake?
Yoongi (Jimin): I’ll be there to pick you up and take your hungover ass to get breakfast, which is more than you deserve since you went out WITHOUT ME
You: Thank you and I will never go out without inviting you again
Yoongi (Jimin): Better
You’ve taken way too long in the bathroom and you know there’s a chance Hoseok will be awake now. But you can’t bring yourself to leave the bathroom until you get the text from Jimin that he’s downstairs. Bless him for being an absolute angel, even when it’s his horns keeping the halo upright.
Despite being a colossal pain in the ass about nearly everything in life, Jimin does actually come through and take you to one of the best meals you’ve ever had. Or maybe you’re just that hungover. You don’t really know. He’s also somehow managed to bring you a change of clothes (which, you’re not really sure if they’re actually yours or where they came from, but the outfit looks remarkably put together) and makeup so you don’t have to go all the way home. You try to ask why he’s so prepared and he only gives a vague answer about how you didn’t know him before Yoongi and smirks. You’re immediately filing that away for another day when you do remember to invite Jimin out to drink with you and whatever group you’ve been dragged into.
When Jimin drops you off at the studio (another point to Jimin) where your car is still conveniently parked from the night before, you’re feeling and looking significantly more human. You know you owe him, he doesn’t have to say it. But he’s Park Jimin so he says it anyway and you just smile.
The auditions feel a little less tedious with a stomach full of greasy food the day after a much-needed night out (where you will be pretending that you did not fuck Hoseok again). You’re looking for some more minor characters today. If things go well and you end up doing a second season based on the second book, they could play a much bigger role. For now, though, it’s still small.
Realistically, you’re not hungry because Jimin really did hook you up. Then again, the food is there and it’s free, so you’re looking over to decide what you might actually want to try. Someone approaches the other side of the table, looking tentative. You immediately recognize him as one of the guys you pointed out as fitting the right look for one of your characters. He was sweet, kind of endearing, but with really striking features.
“Hey, I just wanted to introduce myself,” he says and you look up. “I’m Chan.”
“I remember,” you say and you’re being honest. You were insistent that he be kept around to audition.
“Wow, I didn’t think…well that’s great. I’m excited to get the chance. Thank you so much,” Chan says and you realize this might be a big deal for him.
“No problem, you just remind me of him,” you say.
“I was talking to my dance teacher before the first audition,” Chan starts and you raise an eyebrow. “Oh, I know this isn’t a dancing part, I just like to take the classes.”
“That’s fair,” you say.
“And I was really worried about the audition and how it would go,” Chan says. “But my dance teacher, he’s awesome, he said he had gone to school with you and used to be friends with you and all that and that you were really nice.”
That one statement brought you up completely short. What the fuck?
“Who’s your dance teacher?” You already know the answer because really, who else could it be? Still, you need to hear him say it.
“Oh, Jung Hoseok,” Chan says quickly and you force a smile. “Do you remember him? He gave me all this great advice about the audition and said he’d try to reach out to you if it made me feel better. He’s so nice.”
“Yeah, he was. It’s been ages since I’ve spoken to him though,” you say, hoping that you succeed in the attempt at nonchalance.
“Yeah, he said that. I think he was just trying to help me feel better, offering to reach out,” Chan agrees. “I get it though. You’ve had so much success as a writer, so it makes sense you wouldn’t still talk to everyone from college. It’s so cool they’re turning your book into a series and you’re so young!”
“I feel like I’ve been writing for like 20 years with how much it ages me sometimes,” you say to distract yourself from thinking of Hoseok.
“I actually…read all the books when they came out, I’m a big fan,” Chan says and blushes like it’s embarrassing to admit. You think it’s sweet. One of the PAs calls out for you, though.
“Good luck today, Chan. It’s been really great speaking to you,” you say and excuse yourself.
Honestly, you can’t believe the audacity of fucking Jung Hoseok to say what he had to this poor kid. Playing it off like he knows you, making it seem like you just used to be friends. And what was he thinking, offering to reach out to you on behalf of this kid?
That’s when a truly sickening thought settles into your brain. Takes root in a way that you know you can’t shake it. One of those intrusive thoughts that shouldn’t ever exist. Was that what this all was? Is this why he reached out? Does he just want to help one of his dancers get a role in your new series? That would be seriously fucked up if that was the case. And you hate thinking he could be capable of something like that. The reality is that you used to know Hoseok, while the guy who wrecked you was a complete stranger and there’s no way of knowing which one had shown up now.
The rest of the day is kind of a wash from a concentration standpoint. You’re a million miles away and thankfully, nobody seems to call you on it. You’re not sure if it’s because they’ve worked with writers before that had their heads in the clouds or because you’re still answering all the questions asked of you. Either way, you’re not really there at all.
Over the next day or so, you decide the best way forward is to continue ignoring Hoseok (despite him texting you multiple times wanting to talk about what happened after karaoke). Instead of talking to Hoseok, you do the completely rational thing and talk to every other person you trust. How can you decide on the next move without multiple opinions?
You can’t.
Yoongi is first up and he’s exceptionally grumpy since you woke him up before he was ready to be a person. It may not have been that early by normal human standards, but Yoongi is only part human and part gremlin, you think, so he’s never really followed normal hours. Once he’s done being grumpy, he takes his time being thoughtful. As far as he sees it, this was just some drunken sex. It isn’t like Hoseok actually asked for anything, that you remember. And you insist you remember everything from the night. For all you know, it was just stress relief for both of you. No point in getting worked up.
Since Jimin is there and incapable of being ignored, he also gets to weigh in. Which is welcome, actually, because Jimin can be really calculating when he wants to be. He asks a lot of questions, both about the guy you were friends with and the fight that ended it all. You’re just about ready to call this conversation a day when Jimin says he doesn’t think it sounds like something malicious. There’s only one way to know for sure, though, and he suggests that you just talk to Hoseok like an adult with multiple published books and a streaming deal. There’s Park Jimin for you.
Part of you wants to ask Namjoon, but thinks better of it. The Affair incident is fresh in your mind and you really don’t need to give him another reason to question your sanity. There are enough of those just in everyday life. And you just had to relive the entire fight with Jimin so you’re not too eager to explain all the backstory to Namjoon.
Which makes the final person you ask Jungkook. His opinion is so incredibly important to you, yet it’s the one that you’re least excited about getting. It means you also have to tell him about sleeping with Hoseok, a fact that you have carefully avoided. Not that you owe Jungkook every detail of your life, because you’re not actually in a relationship. It’s just that, sometimes, with how much you depend on each other, it feels like something more. Feels like it’s much more than just some friends-with-benefits type situation.
In true Jungkook fashion, he takes the news in stride and doesn’t linger on you fucking this stranger that reappeared at the Gala and hasn’t seemed to go away since then. He’s thoughtful, Hoseok has come up a lot in your conversations lately, so he doesn’t have to ask questions like Jimin. And you tell him how frustrating it was to answer them, anyway. There’s no escaping it when Jungkook comes to the same conclusion, though.
“Just talk to him,” Jungkook urges, “you’ll feel so much better being able to gauge his answer.”
“I’m really sorry,” you say and Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow at that.
“For what?” he asks.
“Getting drunk and making a stupid fucking mistake by fucking him,” you answer, avoiding his eyes.
“It’s really not a big deal for you and me,” Jungkook says.
“Are you sure?” you ask. You hate how small your voice sounds.
Jungkook closes the space between you and kisses the top of your head. “I’m sure. I’m here for whatever you need.”
This brings you to texting Hoseok.
And that brings you to sit down in a coffee shop with him, because apparently you can’t just text or go to each other’s apartment, like normal people. Which is nice too, actually, because it gives you a chance to see more of the city than just your apartment or the studio where you’ve been working. It allows you to people watch, see those rushing by in a haze mingled with those taking their time. Let’s your overactive imagination come up with a story for each of them.
You still aren’t even sure if you want to forgive Hoseok for everything that happened all those years ago. And with all the writing sessions and casting calls, you haven’t exactly had a lot of time to even think, let alone talk to anyone outside of your small circle. Which isn’t totally out of character, you’ve never been one for a huge circle of friends or social engagements. It just makes everything a little more complicated now as you’re trying to sort out feelings.
Hoseok beat you to the coffee shop this time, seemingly by a bit since he’s going to get his second cup just after you sit down. You spare a passing thought that maybe he’s nervous about talking to you. He certainly seems like he is. Weirdly it makes you less nervous. It makes you feel somehow more in control of the situation because you do know what you want to say.
“So,” Hoseok begins after he sits back down, “about the other night…”
“Actually, that isn’t exactly what I wanted to talk to you about,” you say, watching his eyes go wide.
“What?” he stutters out.
“I mean, I guess it’s kind of related? But also not,” you say. “I met Lee Chan at a casting call the other day.”
Whatever Hoseok was expecting, it’s not this. He tries to connect the dots for a moment before meeting your eyes again. “Okay? He’s a great kid, I’m glad he decided to go to the auditions after all.”
“That’s it?” You’re watching him for a reaction that just isn’t there. Maybe, despite The Fight, he’s still more or less the person you were friends with.
“I’m not sure what else to say about him,” Hoseok admits.
“Okay, cards on the table,” you say with a confidence you don’t entirely feel. “Did you show back up in my life to help your student get a part in my series?”
Hoseok chokes on his drink when the question comes out, turns into a coughing mess and takes a minute to clear his throat. “What the fuck? Is that what you think? Come on, you know me…”
“I don’t though, do I? Not anymore,” you disagree and there’s finally an emotion on his face that you can place: hurt. He’s hurt and you’re not sure how to feel about that. Your feelings about him are still so mixed up. A big part of you wants to comfort him, though. Which isn’t exactly the response you’d expected.
“Maybe I deserve that, but it still hurts,” Hoseok says. You chew your bottom lip while you think.
“It hurt to have the thought it was possible too, trust me,” you say. “But it was weird timing, you know? Chan introduced himself during his second audition, later the same day I woke up in your bed.”
“I would never sleep with you to help a student get something out of it,” Hoseok says earnestly. “I’d never sleep with you to get anything out of it.”
“I want to believe that,” you admit.
“I had no idea that you’d be there. Another guy from the studio who teaches but also takes my master classes is friends with your friends that invited you out. He asked if I wanted to come out, I wasn’t busy, so I figured why not?” Hoseok explains. “And then I wake up and you’re gone.”
“Hoseok,” you say, a quiet warning.
“Actually, I wake up and you’re sneaking out without saying anything,” he amends.
“I needed to not be there,” you say because it’s all you can say.
“I get that, I know you’re seeing someone, but we needed to talk about it,” Hoseok says.
“Yeah, Jungkook knows,” you say and feel your heart constrict a bit at the way Hoseok pales.
“What?” Hoseok asks. When you don’t say anything, he continues. “Please tell me you’re kidding, he looks like he could kick my ass and barely break a sweat.”
“He would never,” you disagree. “My…relationship, if you wanna call it that, with Jungkook isn’t exactly what you think? Like he’s not my boyfriend, we’re not exclusive or anything like that.”
“But you let me think you were?” He doesn’t look upset, just confused if anything.
“Yeah, I know,” you say and he’s still watching you carefully. “It was just easier and honestly, I didn’t feel like I owed you an explanation for my personal life after all these years.”
“I - yeah, okay, I guess I have to respect that,” Hoseok agrees. “But we still need to talk.”
“I’m not ready,” you say immediately, try not to feel anything when he deflates.
“I guess I just thought…since you asked to meet me,” Hoseok says, trailing off.
“I needed to know if you really just did that for a student,” you offer.
“You believe that I didn’t, right? That I wouldn’t?” Hoseok asks with so much hope that you’re not sure you can take it.
“I do, yeah,” you say. You’ve barely had time to process, but you know you do believe he wouldn’t do that. It’s about all you know when it comes to him now.
“I really do need you to know how sorry I am,” Hoseok says and you start to open your mouth, but he’s quicker. “Please, you don’t have to say anything, just let me say this? Please?”
He looks so much younger, so vulnerable for a moment. All you do is nod.
“I know sorry isn’t what you need to hear, I get that. I know that I can’t go back and change that fight and all the fucking stupid shit that I said. Stuff that I didn’t mean. And I do hear you that you’re not ready. I just want you to know that I’m so sorry,” Hoseok says.
You let out your breath. “I do know that Hobi, at least on some level.”
“I’ve, well I’ve done a lot of thinking about that day. I talked to a lot of people, both friends and a therapist, actually. There aren’t any excuses for what I did, no matter what was going on in my head. If I’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s definitely that. So I want to make sure you know that when you are ready, if you’re ever ready, I won’t make any excuses. What happened was entirely my fault and I completely acknowledge that,” he says, so earnestly.
“I appreciate that,” you say because it’s all you really can think up.
This was supposed to clear your head up, which it has in some ways. You feel a little silly for even thinking that Hoseok would do something like sleep with you to help get someone he only kind of knows a role in a TV series. And you’re also questioning your friends since none of them pointed out you were having a full breakdown over a man. Not your finest moment.
But with that one, small thing cleared up, your mind immediately goes back to the bigger issue: Hoseok has reappeared in your life and you really need to figure out how you feel about that. You’ve missed him, of course. You’re not going to deny that very obvious truth. On top of that, you also very clearly have some sort of feelings for him. After all, you’re not stupid college kids anymore. It’s not like you can pretend the sex was meaningless.
Hoseok, showing some definite growth from your college days, accepts it when you say that you just can’t talk about all the very real things you need to right now. Accepts it when you say that you believe him but you have to go. Accepts that you’re running late for something. The only problem is that you’re not running late. It’s not like you actually planned for after your talk with him. It was too much to even think about how the conversation was going to go.
Now it’s over, though, and you don’t really want to go home to be alone with your thoughts. One of the few times that you don’t like that you live alone. Don’t like that you don’t have a built-in person that can just be there without you having to explain what you’re feeling or that you don’t want to be alone. Which is when your brain goes to Jungkook. He’s become that person that you go to when you don’t want to be alone or when you need to get out of your own head.
Except you’re not really sure that’s fair to him. Not really sure if seeing him right now is going to help you. Since the Gala, he’s been nothing but supportive and understanding. This is too much, though, isn’t it? Sure, you and he have never really wanted to bother labeling things, both just happy with the way things are. Things have naturally kind of evolved, but you haven’t stopped to talk about any of it. Sure, Jungkook always assures you that it’s fine, that he’s happy to be there whenever you need him.
The healthiest thing to do is go home and actually try to sort out your feelings. The second healthiest thing to do would be to call Yoongi and tell him that you actually need to talk to him (which you do, desperately, need his help).
None of the healthy options include texting Wooyoung to see if he’s got any plans that night. The healthy ways to process definitely don’t include agreeing to go out for happy hour knowing full well what that means with Wooyoung. At least this time, you invite Jimin to avoid one disaster.
(Jimin agrees to come and agrees to your terms that he’s not allowed to ask if you’re okay or if you want to talk. Agrees that he won’t tell Yoongi even if he thinks you’re making reckless decisions. He also finds a way to tell Wooyoung’s friend not to invite Hoseok this time without outing you. When you’re sober, you’ll probably thank Jimin. Maybe. There is always his ego to consider.)
“I feel like I’ve seen you around somewhere,” San muses, looking at Jimin.
Jimin just smiles his most mischievous smile and shrugs, taking a sip of his drink. “Probably.”
“Jimin is one of my best friends, he’s been by the studio a few times,” you say when it’s clear Jimin isn’t going to provide any more context. He sighs and rolls his eyes dramatically.
“I’m also dating her platonic soulmate, so she’s stuck with me,” Jimin adds and you snort.
“Is that what we’re calling Yoongi these days?” you ask. Jimin smiles a real smile, eyes crinkling.
“Honestly, yes, your friendship with him is so sweet, it makes me sick,” Jimin says with nothing but affection.
San seems satisfied and Wooyoung just looks enamored by anything Jimin says. Which is actually kind of cute because you can tell he’s not even interested in Jimin like that, just genuinely wants to be his friend. And you definitely get that. Jimin is one of the sweetest, most charismatic people that you know. Yes, he can be a devious little shit, but when he’s like this, it’s impossible to not like him.
That’s just kind of how the night goes. Thankfully, it’s not quite as crazy as the last time you went out with this group. You learn the tall guy’s name is Mingi and for some reason, he seems weirdly shy around you. It’s cute and he’s incredibly sweet. Jimin fits in seamlessly, which isn’t a surprise to you with how many times you’ve seen him like this.
What is a surprise, though, is that Jimin keeps demanding you get up and dance with him. Since, of course, happy hour turned into going someplace else. It wasn’t just Jimin that wanted to dance and now you were just along for the ride. He also insisted that you were a safe choice to dance with and also gave you a sob story about how Yoongi would never dance with him at the club.
(Probably true, crowds and people and this kind of thing were definitely not Yoongi’s first or second or even last choice. It’s also true that Jimin is a really amazing dancer and you’re a little intimidated by him. You’re also, thankfully, just buzzed enough to not really care.)
It’s the early hours of the morning when you finally head home, feeling a lot lighter than you had after leaving Hoseok. In fact, you haven’t checked your messages since meeting up with Jimin, Wooyoung, San, and the others. There’s something freeing about just putting everything on Do Not Disturb and enjoying the moment.
By the time you get out of the car at your apartment, the alcohol haze is already wearing off. Which ends up being a good thing when you open your door to see someone sitting on your couch. There’s a half second of panic, of your brain calculating fight or flight, before you realize that it’s just Jungkook. Sitting on your couch, watching TV like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
“Jesus Christ, Jungkook,” you say, hand on your chest like you’re about to die. A little overdramatic, maybe, but your brain is still a little hazy around the edges.
“Sorry,” he says, eyes immediately going comically wide. “I didn’t mean to scare you!”
“No, it’s fine,” you say as you toe off your shoes and drop your keys and bag on the table by the door.
“I really am sorry,” he says. It’s easy to believe when he looks that bashful. “I don’t even know why I came over. I just, well I texted you after I got out of my shoot to see how things went and you didn’t answer.”
“Oh yeah, I went out for drinks with Jimin and some friends from the set,” you say and Jungkook nods.
“Yeah, he actually texted me,” Jungkook admits and you just chuckle. Of course he did, you think. “But I was already on my way over here and your apartment is more comfortable than mine. I can leave though?”
“No, it’s fine, it’s late,” you say as you collapse on the couch with him. “One rule, though.”
“What?” he asks.
“I don’t wanna talk about the conversation with Hobi right now,” you say quietly as you nestle into Jungkook’s side.
You miss the way that he tenses for a minute at the way the old nickname falls so easily from your lips. Miss the way it takes his arms a minute to wrap around you. Miss the way his face falls a little at you not wanting to talk to him about something.
“Of course, whatever you need,” Jungkook says.
You don’t hear the way his voice sounds a little hollow, a little less animated than it usually does. He wants to mean it, wants to keep being there for you however you need him. It’ll be fine, he tells himself. He can do this.
all of them are kinda going through it right now, but please let me know your thoughts <3
#jungkook imagine#jungkook scenarios#btswritersclub#btshoneyhive#bangtantheatrenet#kvanity#thekpopuniverse#jeon jungkook imagine#jeon jungkook fic#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#bts imagines#bts scenarios#bts x reader#hoseok x reader#hoseok imagine
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
Back on the Webcomic Day there were a lot of people showing their process and though I'm always sharing WIPs I haven't shared the full thing since I closed my Patreon years ago, so here I go!
I have the sketches made on a sketchbook so I don't need to think too much about the composition, that's why I pencil kinda quick and very sketchy. I sometimes change things from the sketches but it's rare because when I work on those I put real effort on every page composition already so I don't have to rethink stuff. Actually, I already think about that while writing the script. Then I put more effort in the inking part. I like the inking part a lot. Depending on the style, I use calibrated pens or a nib pen. In Demon Hunter Hagan, I use Sakura Pigmas 005 and 01 because of the tiny details on their faces.
Then I use Promarkers for the skin tones so I always have the same tone for each character. Hagan is a 0618 while Chorus is a Y129 (Spoiler of the second arc: Allan is O346 and Puresoul is Y418). I also use Eco Brush Pens for giving a grey tone to the backgorunds and use a mix of ultramarine and burnt siena watercolours for making some shadows. I normally do all this in the morning and while having a cup of earl grey.
After lunch and some videogames or nap, I start the proper colours. I have a very small palette of 12 colours and I use Winsor and Newton Cotman watercolours. I always start with the backgrounds, then do the objects and leave the characters for the end. This is the part that takes me more time and since I'm easily distracted instead of using my phone for listening to music I try to use my old iPod or my discman and my CDs. I also have a couple of tea cups while working on the colours so I use the little moment to go to the kitchen and make the second cup of tea for resting a bit. My first tea is either black or green but the second is rooibos.
In the weekend I scan all the pages I did during the week (depends on the project, I work on three Demon Hunter Hagan pages per week, but I made 5 pages of ELLIS per week) and edit it in CMYK and work on Affinity Publisher for the margins and texts. I don't like working on the PC so I have several playlists of Italodisco and Hatsune Miku to focus.
I export the files and schedule the pages on Comicfury. Actually, though there won't be any update of Demon Hunter Hagan until June, This panel is from a page that will be released on the first Wednesday of July! I like having a couple of months of difference between the production and the updates so I won't get anxious and can deal with unexpected delays on my schedule.
Oh whoa, this ended up being a longer post than I had expected. Hope you liked reading about my process, my tea and my music!
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Metaphor: ReFantazio director, character designer, and composer discuss ATLUS’ large-scale fantasy RPG
Gematsu Source
Publisher ATLUS and developer Studio Zero have released a 15-minute “Creator’s Message” video featuring comments from director Katsura Hashino, character designer Shigenori Soejima, and music composer Shoji Meguro on the newly announced fantasy RPG.
The studio has also officially released the multiplatform announcement trailer for the game, following an early release from SEGA Korea last week.
Metaphor: ReFantazio is due out for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series, PlayStation 4, and PC via Steam and Microsoft Store in 2024.
Get the full staff comments video and the multiplatform version of the announcement trailer below. A transcript and archive of today’s “Metaphor: ReFantazio Announce Celebration Live Stream: The Stalker Club Returns!” follow.
Multiplatform Announce Trailer
Japanese
youtube
Creator’s Message
English
youtube
Japanese
youtube
Message From Katsura Hashino
Katsura Hashino, Director: “Although it’s taken quite some time, we’re excited to share something tangible for PROJECT Re FANTASY, a project we announced a while back now. Following the worldwide success of Persona 5, I think many people think of either Shin Megami Tensei or Persona when they think of the two largest RPG franchises by ATLUS. With this game, we wanted to build a third pillar for the studio, by crafting a large-scale, epic fantasy RPG, something we’ve never done before.
“Actually, the reason ATLUS always focused on modern storytelling is because we always felt there were plenty of fantasy RPGs in the world, whereas contemporary RPGs always felt less common. At this time, that was our way of going against mainstream trends, and defining our unique perspective and voice as a studio. Given that, when we revisited the idea of a traditional high fantasy game, we had to rethink how we could make this different from other RPGs out there while still capturing fundamental—and this is the really difficulty part—about what fantasies really mean for all of us. Thinking about these questions and how we can capture them in a game is ultimately what drove the development of Metaphor: ReFantazio.”
What meaning does the word Metaphor signify?
Hashino: “So metaphors are obviously speculative in nature, and the word itself alludes to the hidden meaning of things. We’ve told many contemporary stories in our games until now. There’s plenty of fantasy franchises and RPGs around us, right? When I think about the themes explored in past Shin Megami Tensei or Persona games, the stories always a tie back to how people should live their lives, in the present day, and that was an idea we really wanted to capture here, too. So, rather unabashedly, we decided on Metaphor as the title for this game.”
What does a true fantasy world look like?
Hashino: “So, there was actually a time early on in development when we had to ask ourselves ‘what even are fantasy stories?’ Back then, I had read lots of books that explored these fundamental questions, but one explanation really stood out to me. It said, ‘Fantasy does more than immerse us in empty worlds of fiction. They exist because there’s something about our world we want to change, and they help us reimagine something new.’
“I was really moved by this explanation, and thought maybe with that angle, we can make a fantasy RPG that fits ATLUS’ style. That basic concept helped guide all our decisions, from story, to what characters should appear, what powers they should have, and how should they fight, even things like what the final climax should be. It gave us a lot of clarity, and we tried to capture all of it within the game, too.”
Tell us about the game’s world.
Hashino: “We originally developed the game in a more Western, medieval setting, but quickly realized it was turning into a rather conventional fantasy game. To give it a more unique twist, we thought about the modern world, and elements that we could bring into this fantasy setting, so that there’s an underlying feeling of connection between the two worlds. Whether it’s in the narrative structure, or some of the game’s gimmicks, we tried to incorporate this concept as a key essence and characteristic of the game’s universe.”
What message did you want to convey through this fantasy RPG?
Hashino: “Throughout my time at ATLUS making RPGs, we’ve always thought about the core themes of each game as the foundation of everything, but one key phrase for Metaphor: ReFantazio is ‘facing your fear.’ Ever since we were primates, humans have always grappled with fear as a fundamental part of our shared experience. Depending on the person, fear can either paralyze somebody or maybe even cause their decline, but it can also propel people forward at times, too. It’s a very fundamental emotion we experience as humans, and depending on how we view it, it can push us to somewhere outside of our comfort zones. That’s a key concept we try to explore in Metaphor: ReFantazio.
“‘Fear’ may sound like a simple theme, but because it’s so simple, we hope people don’t walk away thinking, ‘That was a fun, momentary escape. Now back to reality, where nothing has changed.’ Rather, we genuinely want people to feel something about their life, maybe even feel encouraged, or empowered, through playing this game. That way, the experience is rich and meaningful, even as entertainment, and we aren’t compromising ATLUS’ philosophy towards RPGs, and we’re still providing something new and enjoyable to our fans. That was really the end goal for us.”
Message From Shigenori Soejima
Shigenori Soejima, Character Designer: “With this protagonist, there was a feeling of wanting to depict somebody we haven’t been able to in our past games, because of their modern settings. Overall, we wanted an androgynous and heroic protagonist—someone who looks like they’re about to change the world—with a design that emphasizes their firm, resolute gaze.
“Another important character is Gallica, a fairy who accompanies the protagonist. Although she’s classically fantastical in many ways—and that was her core concept during development, too—in terms of actual character design, we gave her a more modern aesthetic. Once we figured out how Gallica looks, it actually informed how all the other characters should look and feel, too. Although we still had to do a lot of exploring, Gallica certainly gave us that initial creative momentum to smoothly continue the design process for all the other characters.”
Establishing a New ATLUS Style
Soejima: “Of course, when it comes to conventional fantasy elements, there was definitive a desire to incorporate as much of those as we can. But we also didn’t want to be beholden to existing design conventions, either. And we realized midway that doing so would only stifle our own creativity. So, during that ideation phase, we really had to reimagine the fantasy genre from the ground up. ‘What feels right and natural to us?’ ‘What has our creative style been in the past?’ Throughout those discussions, I regained a sense of where we wanted to go, and how we wanted to reflect those ideas into the game.
“Even when it comes to what a character is wearing, ‘Rather than recreating a traditional, medieval look, maybe we could incorporate modern elements?’ ‘Perhaps there are some fashion trends from the 60s that could actually blend well into this fantasy world, too?’ ‘And help give it its unique style?’ Those were some of the ideas we experimented with.
“One thing I think that immediately stands out about this game is how the background feels very painterly. The core reason we did this is because we wanted to really capture the fantastical nature of this world. But how do we balance that with these unconventional character designs? That was something we put a lot of thought into, and we hope it shines through in the final work.”
Do you have a message for ATLUS and RPG fans?
Soejima: “‘What core aspects of our games should we safeguard as our creative identity?’ ‘How do we balance that with newer expectations people might have towards us?’ This was a game where I had to think deeply about these questions. In terms of design, I actually feel that our creative identity as ATLUS has already been articulated by our fans, through the Persona series. Things like the stylishness of the user interface menus, as well as our character models—in our past games, our fans have thought highly of these elements, and we definitely wanted to live up to those expectations this time around, too.
“The things that excite our fans when they hear ‘fantasy’ excite us, too, so we’ve tried to incorporate as much of those as we can. As a result, we think the core ATLUS charm is still there, while still meeting any new expectations people might have, and we think all of these are coming together really well in the final game, so please look forward to finding out more!”
Message From Shoji Meguro
Shoji Meguro, Music Composer: “When I was first told about Metaphor: ReFantazio, I was told it would be an epic high fantasy RPG. Immediately, I heard the sound of grand orchestras playing, and thought this might be an opportunity to write songs I’ve never really written before. But there was a feeling of apprehension, too, because I knew simply throwing in an orchestra wouldn’t cut it for ATLUS. But in the end, I’d say my feeling of excitement still won over.”
How did you express this game’s world through music?
Meguro: “The core concept of the scoring is ‘music used in religion.’ How can we fuse that with a traditional RPG? And how can we give that a unique twist that people expect from ATLUS games? ‘A spiritual music style, that also evokes a classical, fantasy feel.’ That was the main concept we tried to experiment with.
“Following this concept of spiritual music, we’ve woven in scores inspired by hymns, as well as Buddhist prayers—not rap, by the way—and we feel all these elements help define ATLUS’ distinct interpretation of what a classic fantasy score could sound like. This was a key concept we tried to push to its limit.”
The Effect and Purpose of Game Music
Meguro: “I’ve always felt that game scores are something that exist somewhere between the player and the world they’re experiencing on the other side of the screen. Although the score has to capture the atmosphere of the story for the user, it’s worth reminding ourselves that this music is not actually playing directly within the world the characters are in. In that sense, I’ve always considered game scores to be similar to user interface elements, constructs that exist solely to service the player. However, speaking with Hashino-san, we thought about how the music playing in the background could also link back to the ‘music’ the characters are experiencing in their minds, within that world. I think some of these interesting thought experiments helped us approach the music composition through a different lens.”
Do you have a message for ATLUS and RPG fans?
Meguro: “Although the game is still in development, and we’re working hard to polish everything we need to, we think this RPG represents the best of ATLUS. We’re working very hard to live up to the faith our fans have in us. To everybody looking forward to experiencing this game, I hope you enjoy the amalgamation of my hard work.”
Closing Message From Hashino
Hashino: “Metaphor: ReFantazio is launching in 2024. As we continue to polish the game, we’ll continue to reveal new information. Please look forward to hearing more from us! Thank you for your time!”
“Metaphor: ReFantazio Announce Celebration Live Stream: The Stalker Club Returns!” Archive
Metaphor: ReFantazio Announcement Special Live Stream
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rant below cut line ↓
Currently I seem to be out of art block and I'm starting again to draw to a different style besides chibi, so recently I wanted to try the color wheel challenge. And nowadays I'm going to try to do those illustrations that I was never able to do.
It's been about 5/6 years since I started to have an art block and with the last thing that happened with the appearance of NF/T and later of the A/I "art" didn't help me much to get out of it, but recently I have seen more and more similar situations and how the A/I "art" only seems to be interested in a kind of cold and passionless style and I have come to rethink again what art really is for me. Some time ago I was obfuscating myself because I was not getting the results I wanted and I would get frustrated and stop drawing after a few minutes, after that thought I remembered that art is a human and personal expression and that it doesn't matter how good or bad it looks in my eyes (well it does "matter", but the important thing is that starting from the base is how you build a solid learning), since the important thing is the process you go through, the approaches you make every time ideas come to your mind or how your mind tells you to change a stroke, position of a pose or shading/lighting and how in the end your hand ends up capturing them on paper (physical or digital), since SK8 the Infinity came out in 2021 I have been writing down ideas that came to my mind and that I wanted to draw (because until recently my mind was only able to draw very simple and chibi styles without lines like the ones I have uploaded until recently when I made this account) and these that I have written up are some of them, in PoiPiku I publish and published my process of illustrations of color wheel only for followers of Twitter because that way I could control that those who see it are real users and to avoid those of A/I "art" (just in case, although in their eyes it may "not be the best" not looking so realistic for their standards, but who knows) but due to Twitter APIs this option is currently not available and it seems to be the case with almost all applications of this type, so just for the moment I will continue posting them that way until I can find another solution or just post the occasional wip or before and after with big watermark.
So you could say that this current situation that we're all having (artists, writers and more) has helped me to get out of the hole I was and value more my technique and ability (both drawing and writing). I leave it written here in case someone else might find it useful.
#SK8 THE INFINITY#matchablossom#tadaai#shadoka#renga#ainosuke shindo#adam sk8#joe sk8#joecherry#aitada#hiroka#lanreki#rekilan#sk8#エスケーエイト#SK8エスケーエイト#poll#my wips#van-skmugen
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
By: Miriam Grossman, M.D.
Published: July 11, 2023
An extract from her new book Lost in Trans Nation: A Child Psychiatrist’s Guide Out of the Madness
James is sporting a scruffy beard. Sarah wears skirts and doesn’t care about pronouns. Taylor wants to talk about college, not testosterone.
These small changes—all seen or reported to me recently by patients or their parents—are big.
In my book I’ve described monumental struggles and grief, but I want you to know there’s hope. Young people and their families can be helped with therapy.
They can slow their pace on the assembly line that leads to harm; some even step off. They can accept, even enjoy their bodies. It’s far from guaranteed and not always an easy road, but it’s possible.
How do I treat my gender-distressed patients? The same way I treat any other: with respect, empathy, curiosity, honesty, and with their lifelong happiness and well-being foremost in my mind.
I begin with, Tell me about yourself. I want to know who you are.
My patients have been led to believe they face a simple issue with a simple solution. I explain that it isn’t so. They are, like all people, a huge, complex tapestry, of which gender occupies just a small corner. The entire tapestry interests me, not only the one corner.
We’ll talk about gender, of course, but instead of automatic affirmation, we will look deeper.
Go deeper
We will try to determine what living as the opposite sex accomplishes. How will it make life better or easier? Is the new identity about becoming someone new, or fleeing who they are? Granted, some of my questions may make patients uncomfortable, but this is the biggest decision of their lives, and it deserves a close, careful look.
I look at my patient’s family. Is there conflict in her home, an ill parent or sibling? I determine if she has a psychiatric condition such as anxiety, depression, OCD, ADD, psychosis, or if she’s on the autism spectrum or has some other form of neurodiversity.
Is there a history of adoption, trauma or abuse? Social awkwardness or bullying? Attraction to the same sex? Is the trans identity a way of exploring themselves separate from their family, a normal task of adolescence, taken to an extreme?
There may be stereotypical beliefs about men and women that are mistaken. He may think he’s not “manly” and won’t find love or acceptance as he is. Maybe she or someone she loves was harmed, she feels helpless against male aggression, and for that reason seeks to flee femininity. Perhaps he or she fears growing up.
The point is: being “trans” is a solution—a coping mechanism—but to which problem? That’s the mystery we solve together.
One of my primary responsibilities is education. I am older and wiser, and that benefits my patients. One line that’s effective with know-it-all-adolescents: “Your sixteen? I’m 116.” Over my decades of practice, I learned many things, one of which is that people change. A leftist turns around and votes conservative. Couples once madly in love, certain about marriage, now are at each other’s throats. A woman who couldn’t have been more certain about aborting, twenty years later she’s childless and rethinking that decision.
People change, I tell my patients. You’re going to change too.
Another wisdom I share is that being human means struggling. It means living with limitations and weaknesses. You’re not the first person to hate your body, feel disconnected from your parents, and lack a place of belonging. You’re not the first human being to experience confusion, pain and loneliness.
Under some circumstances I might share a hardship of my own. Even more important is to reveal difficulties to a patient, at the moment. In doing so, she or he learns I have tough moments too, but they can be managed.
For example, if I fear a patient’s response, I might say: “I must tell you something, but I have mixed feelings about it, because of how you may react.” The patient learns I too have fear of conflict; I feel unsure just like she does. I’ve demonstrated how I tolerate those emotions.
A patient needs to feel safe and understood. It’s in that trusting and honest space between us that healing begins.
I try to model thoughtfulness, humility, and especially compassion. We must have compassion for ourselves and others—including our parents. They too are human, with limitations and struggles. They’re doing, or did the best they could, and it wasn’t all bad.
Ultimately the choice is theirs, I tell my patients, their identity is in their hands. At the same time, whether they’re requesting new pronouns or surgery, there are risks. I’m obligated to point out what they are doing has massive implications. What will their lives be like in ten, twenty, fifty years? There may be a high price to pay.
youtube
[ Video: Dr. Grossman charts Europe’s shift to caution on youth gender medicine ]
Red flags aflutter
I remind patients that as a physician, I have a profound appreciation for the body’s wisdom. They may think they have all the information they need, they may be convinced they’re knowledgeable about social and medical interventions, but I know they don’t and they’re not. From new names to mastectomies and vaginoplasties, they must understand the risks and the controversy.
If I neglect to delineate those risks and the current debate, I’m not doing my job. What if he or she comes back crying, Look what I’ve done to myself, why didn’t you warn me? Speaking of risks, that’s one I am unwilling to take.
I strongly encourage gender-distressed patients to at some point read detransitioners’ stories or watch their videos. When patients are unwilling to do so, or are unable to hear about the dangers of medicalizing, or if they claim to be unconcerned and confident, those are red flags. All of us have some degree of doubt when we face major decisions. Every decision has plusses and minuses. To be confident and wrong is dangerous.
It’s also my job to gently challenge and plant seeds. Being from an older generation, I ask my young patients to define the new language and explain their beliefs. I am curious. I want to learn from them. If their definitions or explanations don’t satisfy me, I’ll say so.
The goal is to recognise everyone is a mosaic of male and female. Honour the mosaic and leave the body alone. And to parents: You must respect your child’s mosaic, too. He or she may not match your ideas about masculinity and femininity.
When I said earlier my approach to transgender-identifying patients is just like with any other patient, I omitted a salient point. There is one huge difference. After their brief weekly sessions, my patients return to their friends, schools, and social media—a world bound to the Articles of Faith, which enshrine Gender Identity as sacred and forbid any questioning.
It’s daunting, to say the least, to build a connection with heavily indoctrinated patients. They’ve heard over and over there’s one answer to their predicament—transition. They cannot tolerate the doubts I plant.
The hurdle may be insurmountable. Zoe was an eleventh grader attending a Boston school where the cost of tuition was higher than the median yearly household income. Her mother informed me that in middle school, Zoe and her friends all declared themselves LGBT, they just hadn’t decided which letter.
Once I tried to inform Zoe that due to safety concerns, a minor like herself living in Sweden or Finland would not have access to puberty blockers. She placed her hands over her ears and hollered: “Don’t tell me about trans kids who can’t get medical care! Don’t you know fifty per cent of us try to commit suicide?”
To her accusation of being transphobic, I responded “I’m anti-suffering, not anti-trans.” I could almost sense her friends and influencers in the room with us, scowling at me. She refused to meet again.
In my many years as a physician, I’ve had patients with severe schizophrenia, untreatable cancer, and other serious conditions. No one ever fired me. Do you see why I say fighting dangerous ideas has been harder than fighting dangerous diseases?
When the young person has pledged allegiance to the Articles of Faith, the challenge facing parents and therapists is brutal. Parents who’ve yet to face the predicament, please listen to the mothers and fathers of kids with Rapid-Onset Gender Dysphoria.
Many of them say flat-out: they are living in hell, and they want to warn and teach you before you’re in their shoes. They are reaching out to save you from the impossible position they’re in—a child announcing that in order for me to stay in this family, you must support my self-harm.
These are the parents who—when they catch a glimpse of you at a park or shopping mall holding the hands of your toddler or school-age sons and daughters who are still attached to you, still trusting you—feel a stab in their hearts: If only you knew what may be ahead.
Your children are like a sponge, ready to absorb whatever comes their way. They are a work in progress, and you are their scaffolding, providing support and structure. If you don’t provide a belief system, a compass, or some meaningful foundation from which to understand the world, identify truth and lies, and know right and wrong, trust me—others are waiting eagerly to do just that. Before you know it, your child is a pawn, a foot soldier in a foreign crusade of dark and dangerous ideas, and you’re the toxic parent with a home that’s unsafe.
#Miriam Grossman#gender ideology#therapy#queer theory#gender cult#self harm#mental health issues#mental health crisis#mental health#mental health care#Lost in Trans Nation#religion is a mental illness#Youtube
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
If Gossip Girl had done more of a committed Dan/Blair academic rivals arc during the high school years (as opposed to the 2-3 very good but short episodes that we got), what do you think that might have looked like, and how might it have played out? For me it’s easy to imagine how Blair would act, but I’m a little less sure about Dan. Presumably for a good academic rivals arc he’d have to do some light scheming against her (since if it was only ever the other way around it’d just be straight up bullying lol), but while I can imagine how season 4-5 Dan would act (a la 4x13), I’m less sure about high school Dan, who was… softer, for lack of a better word. Curious about your thoughts!!
good question! since we never see them actually in class it’s unclear whether the classes are co-ed or not but tbh these two are so competitive especially with each other that it doesn’t matter all that much because they could make a rivalry out of anything.
i think a better descriptor for early seasons dan would be uncorrupted—especially s1. so i think a true rivalry, fit with scheming, would have to take place in s2, but with s1 providing a good setup: the essay contest.
the contest would be open to both schools, and post-1x11 with dan being published in the new yorker, he thinks he’s a shoe-in for the win. like, he’s not even thinking that there’s any competition. and then blair wins it. and she’s not surprised, but dan is astounded. rethinking his entire life. how is blair waldorf a better writer than him? surely she isn’t, and she’s just blackmailing the judges or manipulating the results somehow.
i think canonically the essay contest takes place at the end of s1 as it makes the most sense for no one showing up for blair: serena is dealing with georgina, things are weird with nate, her mom is working. i think there’s some good 1x04 paralleling that could happen here: dan noticing that no one is going to be there to support blair and kind of begrudgingly going, not because he cares or anything, but because he might as well hear the essay that beat out his. he sees her up at that podium like he saw her in the hallway: stripped down to the bone, looking out into the crowd for someone, anyone, that cares about her (it is however crucial that she does not see him!!! that’s still gotta come out through the reading of inside).
and then she reads out the winning essay, and we watch dan’s face as he realizes that—shit. she’s good. she’s not just intelligent, she’s eloquent and persuasive and thoughtful.
maybe she’s not a better writer than him, but she’s sure as hell giving him a run for his money.
so we’ve set them up as academic equals, both believing themselves to not only be better than the other, but more deserving of acclaim (which, really, is more dangerous than anything). from here: they turn everything into a competition that only the two of them are in.
where the scheming comes in…i agree that i can’t see s1-2 dan scheming in the same way he does in 4x13 (in fact, it’s with blair that he’s always scheming, and he really learned how to from the best), so i think it’s more along the lines of…emotional manipulation. that’s kind of harsh phrasing, but pretty much what we see in 2x08. i think that blair knows that dan buys none of her pretences and sees right through her and so his opinion of her must be the truth, and it’s why she’s always taking his advice/listening to him. so—after blair, like, gets dan’s papers thrown out or gets him wrongfully investigated for academic dishonesty or something, dan uses his best weapon against her: his words. he gets under her skin, makes her doubt herself before a big test or a big presentation. says, well, i’m sure you know what you’re doing but it was even hard for me, i’m almost worried i won’t do well, but then again, if i don’t make it to yale it’s not that big of a disappointment, i’m not a legacy like you.
and when blair inevitably fucks up because he’s always able to get to her, he feels really fucking bad about it. cue something similar to how he got her the job back; probably taking the fall for it and getting her a redo.
i think it’s also unclear whether they had separate valedictorians for each school but for the purposes of this, they wouldn’t. there’d only be one. cue an episode or two dedicated to an increasingly high stakes election, each of them running a campaign, making their friends choose sides. it causes actual drama! they’re both super insufferable about it!! and then, of course: nelly yuki wins.
i also think it would be fun to incorporate storylines à la rory and paris in gilmore girls: school paper, student council (they’re each the head representative/president for their respective school). also all of this would be running parallel to getting to see them try not to kill each other during rehearsals for the play of course.
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fic Tag Game
Thank you @wibzenadarksiderwithasoftheart for the tag
How many works do you have on Ao3?
Works: 12
Fics: 11
One of my works is original fiction
2. What's your Ao3 word count?
242,814 (including 2 unfinished fics)
3. What fandoms do you write for?
At the moment Star Wars only, but when the mood strikes Roswell New Mexico as well.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Fix You (Star Wars, Obianidala)
Three Makes a Family (RNM, Malex)
One Love (RNM, Malex)
Halves of a Whole (Star Wars, Skywalker Dyad part 1)
Treacherous (RNM, Malexa)
5. Do you respond to comments?
When people actually comment, yes! I always feel my responses are superfluous, but I love when people take the time to comment.
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Probably Last Kiss, considering it ends with Padmé's death...
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Three Makes a Family, but it's been in edits for over a year so nobody gets to see how wholesome it ends because I haven't been able to put myself back into the RNM writing mood 😭
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I did in the RNM fandom because some people can't handle polyamory.
9. Do you write smut? What kind?
Not much. I usually default to fluffy smut. The closest I've come to actual smut in published fics is Treacherous, and it's focused on their feelings rather than the action.
10. Do you write cross-overs?
I tend to stay in one fandom at a time when writing.
11. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope. And I'm not sure I'd like it. I would be too worried about whether they got the tone right.
12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?
Once, when I was in the TVD fandom, years ago. The other two cowriters just stopped participating after like 3 chapters and told me I could do whatever, then got mad at me for taking the whole thing down.
13. What WIP you would like to finish, but doubt you ever will?
Ouch. Three Makes a Family is technically written, just not edited. So it's kinda finished...? But I haven't fallen back into the RNM mood, and the shitshow that was s4 made it very hard.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
Ships come and go with my special interests, so ask me every few months and the answer will be different. Right now, I'm leaning toward Obikin/Anidala equally.
15. What are your writing strengths?
Writing out feelings and lyrical prose. (What is this, an interview? 😅)
16. What are your writing weaknesses?
Continuity in a long arc. My brain goes too fast and gets stuck on subplots. Halfway through a long project I usually have to rethink my idea for the ending (if I even knew where I was going in the first place) because I strayed so far from the original plot lol
On the bright side I am slowly learning to actually outline my fics 😂
17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
For real languages, it needs to be grammatically correct. I say this as a native French speaker who read way too many published novels where there's dialogue in French and it's absolutely awful.
For fandoms languages, have fun I guess! A translation in the notes or between parenthesis always helps tho.
18. First fandom you wrote for?
Either HP or Buffy, back when we posted on fanfiction.net. I read those fandoms a lot as a teen, but I can't remember if I wrote much back then.
19. Favourite fic you've ever written?
Treacherous maybe? I really love how it turned out.
20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?
None. When I post a fic it's done in my head. If I start thinking about how it could be better, I'll never stop editing and rewriting it. And then no one would get to read it. My fics are by no means perfect, and there's always something bugging me about them when I reread them, but they represent my writing at that moment.
Tagging @bisexualalienss, @maeglinthebold, @burntblueberrywaffles, @palfriendpatine66 and @somethingsteff and anyone else who wants to do it. Feel free to ignore me 😉
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
glubbingghoti-blog
Peace and love is a famous generation.
creativechaosphoto
Creative Chaos Photography
cheeringandwaving
Cheering & Waving Press
xavidamnjmz
Educa-Blog