#there is no really safe online spaces for kids anymore. even when they try to stick to fandoms associated with children media like bluey | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

allcnfetti · 5 months

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Suvi & Frank : Trains, Tornados & the End of the World

Suvi tried to hold back the tears, but the more Frank went on and on about the train, the more she kept thinking that she wasn’t quite sure if Frank knew what he was talking about. Sure, he used to save five people. And yes, the lever broke, but she didn’t think he was being forced to lose five people over and over in the first place. When the lever broke, the two tracks merged into one. There were six people, and there was only one set of tracks. The five were always the people closest to him, but the one, the one he chose to sacrifice for the five? That was Frank. This wasn’t just a trolley problem metaphor. This was so much bigger than that, so much more paradoxical that she could even imagine. He would trade himself for five people. Over and over and over again. And then the lever broke, and he wasn’t allowed to trade anymore. He would take the hit, then the five would take the hit, and then Frank again and then those closest to him again. Over and over and over again, no stopping, no relief, no peace. Suvi had been trying to pull him from the train, but she never realized that to save him she had to find a way to fucking stop the train.

Then he said it. Twelve little words that nearly bisected Suvi. She had never been hurt by Frank before. Offended, sure, they used to get drunk and mock each other, that was the friendship. She had been disappointed, any time he didn’t show up at the bar. She had been annoyed by him, he had too many different ways to count exactly all the ways he liked to annoy her, but she had never been hurt by anything he had ever said. Even when he was all but pushing her out of the house, yelling ‘don’t’, ‘go home Suvi, I will call you tomorrow’. Perhaps it was because she knew those were defense mechanisms.

Those twelve little words though, were enough to vivisect suvi as she lived and breathed, sitting across from Frank. Sometimes I can feel like the love is tearing me in two. Sometimes I can feel like the love is tearing me in two. Sometimes I can feel like the love is tearing me in two. Those twelve little words, all innocent on their own. All safe all on their own. Switch them into any other order and they couldn’t hurt her. How strange that the very feeling he described was exactly what she experienced in hearing the word. Not quite sonicky, she wasn’t even sure there was a word in the English language for it. The words echoed and she was left with one question. She hated herself, but she wanted to know. She was about to ask him if he wanted to stop it all. If he really wanted her to go. If she was causing him more pain than pleasure. If she brought more tears that smiles. She would never recover if he said yes, but she didn’t know what else to do, she didn’t want to hurt him. She didn’t want him torn in two. She didn’t want her love to be the thing that left him rent asunder. Perhaps she was everything her mother had ever said she was. Mistake. Fallacy. Problem. Useless. Destructive. Monster. Waste of space.

Suvi's spiral of thoughts ended abruptly when he mentioned Arizona. Suvi's brain always glitched when Arizona came up, like a bell rang out in Grand Central Station and everything and everyone froze in place until she could determine if the girl was safe, if she was hurt, if Frank was hurt. Suvi couldn’t relax until she knew why Arizona had been brought up, if she was okay. Somehow, this kid who disliked her with every fiber in her body, Arizona resented her to her very core for being loved by Frank and she was the second most important person in Suvi's life. She always kept Arizona in mind when she would browsehouses online. Ethan too, looked for four bedrooms, maybe even five bedrooms, she wanted to make sure she got the perfect place for Arizona. Even if the girl hated her. Suvi focused her attention on his words and the tone of his voice, her heart on edge as she listened to Frank's story.

The sound that came from him was her undoing. So clear, excruciating and gut wrenching. Suvi could so easily be torn apart, like a twister sweeping in to fuck all her shit up. But Frank? Frank lived with that very twister inside of him. Trapped. Tearing through his mind, through his heart, through his life, pulling up anything not tied down, anything that he loved and cared for. There was nothing he could do to stop it. An act of god. When a mudslide or tornado or flood or hurricane took something out, that's what they called it. The tornado that lived in frank was an act of god, and Suvi wanted nothing more than five minutes in the ring with that god, whoever the hell he fucking was.

Frank curled up, just like he had described Arizona, and Suvi fell apart. She wanted to slam her fists against the floor, she wanted to scream and run away and crawl into his arms. She wanted to cut herself open, right down the middle and fall to pieces exactly where she was. She had never felt pain so visceral, so honest and brutal and exhausting. Suvi pushed herself up, bracing her stomach as she stood up. She wasn’t nearly as strong as Frank, and so she pushed him slightly, trying to get back into his lap. To hold onto him, wrap herself around him. Hold him to her chest so he knew that she was still here. That she was still his. That she was trying her best to understand the agony he was in. However she didn’t think he was going to budge. She would have just wrapped herself around him as he sat there, but her ridiculous stomach got in the way.

Suvi wavered for a moment, trying to weigh her options. She crossed to the far side of the room and crouched down, grabbing the frame of the bed, a little bit at first to make sure that Frank didn’t topple over before yanking it back enough for her to fit between him and the bed properly, stupid stomach and all. She pulled with her back too, not her legs, which if either of them were in their right mind, he would have given her shit for, even if she wasn’t pregnant. Suvi had completely displaced their bed, and she didn’t give a shit. She climbed back over the bed, albeit a little unsteady as she made her way back to him, slipping off the tall mattress to sit right behind him. She snaked her arms through his own, wrapping around his chest, hands clasped together to apply pressure to help calm him. She wrapped her legs around him, best she could with her baby bump keeping her a little further from him than she wanted. She cried silently as she leaned her head against his back, holding him as tightly as she could.

She had heard that if someone was panicking, you should hug them, because the human body, when pressed against another, will try to match the heart rate of the other body, calming down the panicked person. Fragments of facts she had collected raced through her her mind, coupled with a deep connection are found to synchronize their heartbeats naturally, twenty seconds of hugging improves relationships and releases happy brain chemicals, the parasympathetic nervous system reacts to— over and over and over again, racing through the science of it all as she held him.

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peculiar-shardscape · 1 year

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I think i figured out why I’m more anxious here than I used to be . It’s the fact I’m close to adulthood now meaning I . Guess I just have that “instinct” to Be a good sort of role model kind of?? Like . I used to be a kid following a bunch of people Older than me, but now I’m one of the older people while More YOUNGER people start following me

So it’s that responsibility of Being Less cringe since I now have a Younger audience and I’m not looking up to as many big artists as I used to in this fandom.

And usually the younger generations come off as the scariest as time goes on, my experience with younger people have gotten Worse both irl And online. Not to mention nowadays, cringe culture has been rising Higher than back when I was new to the community, so now im standing on a tightrope and trying not to fall into the pit of “cringe hell” that most younger people would consider I belong in

I’m unironically terrified of the roblox community. Back when I was 15-16, I felt like I was at the phase where Hey you’re just a Kid so the way you act makes sense. But . I’m 17 now. And being 17 makes it feel like I have a high expectation pressed on me like you Have to Act Better for the audience

I’m. Sorry if this is a weird or dumb post or if I’m going insane, it’s just. Been on my nerves like . I have a lot of problems mentally so it’s hard for me to figure out Why im the way I am, but I feel like growing up is making it harder for me to enjoy being here

:).0;$:&:$39:$@/$: sorry none of this makes sense what im trying to say is. The older I’m getting, it feels like there’s more expectations on me. And i HATE having expectations. I feel judged incredibly hard and so it’s just. Scary having a younger audience I guess

I’ve dealt with a lot of personal drama within the roblox community for years, and so now that I’m no longer ‘just a kid,’ it really feels like I have significantly less freedom here without the fear of someone about to send a missile at me. It feels wrong to even express discomfort here because as an Almost Adult, im supposed to just Get Over It or Deal With It.

I love this community with my whole heart of course, but the massive influx of roblox players on tumblr has taken significant mental damage upon me. I’m Genuinely scared of the community I was once actively a part of. I cower into private spaces and fear that I’m just a nobody because I’m no longer reaching the expectations that have been implemented on me upon growing up

My discord is LocalWindmage#6105

If you truly care about what I do, I’m open for conversations, however if you’re 14 or younger, I may get anxious since being 17 makes me feel like a creep in a way. I had to put up with a 13 yr old who literally harassed an 18 year old friend of mine who was innocent the whole time but since she was 18, everyone believed the 13 year old and. Well at least that’s another reason why I’m so afraid of a younger audience

Im sorry. I hope this doesnt bother anyone. Be safe, you guys. I’ll still try to be active, but I can’t promise anything anymore. I’m more active on discord

#serious post

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velvetvent · 2 years

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i logged into tumblr and realized the internet has changed a lot since i started and i have feelings about it,, these are those feelings. aka a love letter to the days when a fanfic about milk was the biggest thing on this god forsaken website

being chronically online for a decade sucks bc you get nostalgia for the worst times of the internet, like tumblr back in the 2010′s, or the days when we’d go on chatroulette for fun. and all the random kik groupchats. like yeah my trauma is literally from that entire era but also tumblr hasnt hit the same since and i haven’t gotten the excitement of my internet friends finally replying to me or the thrill of being able to video respond to a youtube video since. And nothing really hits the same anymore. Like back then it was adults fucking with kids and yeah it was wrong but it’s not like it doesn’t happen now. It’s all dirtier and cleaner at the same time. More ad-friendly content but there’s still just as much trafficking and toxicity as there always has been, if not more. Youtube is still there but there’s adsense now that everyone has to try and navigate and pc culture exists which is fine but cancel culture is rampant and tiring at this point. And everybody is constantly filtered, but the filters change your face shape now. It’s not just a sepia tone or dog ears anymore, now you get jaw surgery and botox and eyeliner and lashes and an entirely different nose without even asking; plus the sepia tone. But there’s hardly a sepia tone without the automatic photoshop anymore. There’s not anywhere that’s safe anymore. There never was, but I felt safer as an extremely young minor in these vile online spaces back in the day than I ever used to. Yes i was groomed and abused and talked to awful, disgusting people. But i also had a chat of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. I met the best of people and the worst, and it all felt like a huge fever dream that only i had access to. It took me places I would’ve never been able to see. I’m too poor to go to Australia, or the UK, or Cali, or Texas, or France. I’m cultured so differently because I was raised by the internet and by people across the world. They shaped me. I eat timtams because of a very close friend group and significant other; i know about games because of them; my music taste. You name it, someone from across the world probably influenced me to like it in 2012 and i never looked back. But now it all feels so foreign. Somewhere we all used to fit in isin’t a sanctuary anymore. We aren’t free to post the cringe like we used to, we aren’t free to not use filters, we have to be trendy to impress the algorithm and interact with others but if you’re not family friendly you’ll be suppressed too. And in a world of oppression and suppression the last thing we need is the restricted internet that we have now. But i dont think what we had would be a good solution either. But i miss those days. My husband was never online growing up outside of xbox chats and he doesnt share the same sentiments towards it as i do. i still romantisize this shit; we were all broken kids but we were able to keep each other alive. Now if somebody uses a word to identify with they’re relentlessly made fun of; yall dont remember fuckin otherkin? jfc.

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dontshootmespence · 3 years

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Challenge Accepted

Summary: Spencer is desperate to return to teaching in person amid the COVID-19 pandemic, but with restrictions still looming large, his girlfriend finds a way to switch up his online teaching.

Words: 943

Warnings: Oral sex (male receiving).

A/N: This is the first time I’m writing in like two months because school has been kicking my ass, but I had a request for a piece where Spencer is remote teaching because of COVID and the reader does her best to distract him...sooooo here it goes. :D

From the kitchen, you heard Spencer’s feet pitter patter across the hardwood floors of the apartment. The space wasn’t cramped by any means, it was sizeable, especially for the price in downtown DC, but after weeks upon weeks of quarantining due to the coronavirus, even your spacious apartment was starting to feel like a shoebox.

Spencer’s quickstep either meant he was excited to get his lecture going or he was frustrated in the confines of your apartment and was desperate to get back to teaching in person. His face said it all.

“Losing it?” You asked.

Spencer huffed an threw his head back, brown curls bouncing as he nodded his head and stomped his feet in the mildest of temper tantrums. “I just want this to be over. I understand why it’s necessary, I just really miss teaching in person,” he said sadly, almost wistfully staring out the window. “In person, I feel like I can form relationships with my students. Over Zoom, I can barely hear people, the sound fades in and out, and everyone else is in the same boat. We’re all just tired and...over it.”

If that wasn’t the one of the most relatable things he’d ever said. Padding across the room, you wrapped your arms around him and gave his waist a little squeeze. “Hey,” you said slowly, a devious idea forming jumping forward from the back of your brain. “Do you want me to spice up your lecture a little bit?”

At first, his frustration got in the way of your not-so-hidden meaning, but as soon as your hand traveled down toward his belt, your hand slipping between the leather and his skin, a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips. “People will be able to tell!”

“Only if you can’t control yourself, Spence.”

“Is that a challenge?” He asked.

“Is it a challenge you’re willing to accept?”

This whole pandemic was getting to you both so his little scrunched up smile was a welcome sight. “Yes, please. Can we have a safe word or something so I can tell you if it’s getting to be too much and I’m actually going to come on camera? Because I’d actually like to keep my job and go back to teaching in person after this whole thing is over.”

Nodding, you returned to washing dishes in the kitchen while Spencer readied himself for his lecture. After finally settling on two taps on the back of the neck if he couldn’t take it anymore, he began the day’s lecture - a specialty he chose about forensic handwriting analysis.

You heard some now familiar terms - graphology, structural differences, connecting strokes and slants - and allowed Spencer to get into the swing of his lecture before you stripped completely bare and crawled across the floor and underneath his desk.

He quickly glanced down to see you bare, skin blushed, your hands traveling slowly and delicately up his legs. When he stumbled over his words, he hid it with a cough that no one would believe and continued on. Carefully, you slipped your hand into his boxers (thankfully, teaching from home meant he could look business up top with boxers on the bottom) and pulled his cock out.

When you heard the hitch in his voice, you smiled to yourself and licked a strip up the underside of his cock, flicking your tongue back and forth across the tip before dipping to that sweet spot at the front that always drove him wild. Spencer did his best to keep control, moving swiftly between accentuating each and every word to allowing facts and statistics to flow from his mouth in an attempt to keep his secret just that.

As soon as he managed to control his breathing again, you slapped the head against your tongue and looked up at him with a mischievous glint in your eye. His eyes met yours and you knew you’d ‘get it’ later, but you were willing to suffer the consequences later to have all the control right now.

While Spencer regaled his students with the differences between left slants and right slants and no slants and what it all meant, you swallowed around his cock and scooted yourself forward, trying to take as much of him as possible without making any noise. At least not too much noise.

To you, each slurp and gag felt loud and obvious, but Spencer spoke louder. These kids he was teaching would be able to see right through it, but you didn’t care all that much. They’d be fine with it. If anything it might give him a little more ‘street cred’ so to speak.

Leaning forward on your hands, you wrapped your lips around his cock and flattened your tongue, attempting to take as much of him as fast as you could without banging your head on the desk. That didn’t go well. Spencer tapped the back of your neck twice and told his students he wasn’t feeling well, hastily stopping the lecture recording and slamming the laptop shut. “Fuck! Are you trying to kill me?!”

“No, I’m trying to make you come,” you laughed.

“You think my students bought that?” He snaked his hands through your hair and pulled you back toward his cock, which you eagerly lapped at.

You chuckled against him. “Not in the slightest. But I think they’ll be cool with it. We’re all just trying to make it through this pandemic with our sanities in tact.”

As you wrapped your lips around him again, he groaned. “If you keep taking me like that, I might lose my sanity anyway.”

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #smut #dontshootmespence #challenge accepted

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bookofmirth · 3 years

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Fandom! Just curious...like wouldn't SJM be aware of the fandom chaos? Even in some form? Maybe I'm just a bit anal and obsessive but when/if I publish a book I'd look into what my fans are thinking and if things got this bad release a statement or something. Am I just not that intune with what the publishing/author things are like? Or am I just more anti sjm than I originally thought I was. Because this is not okay and no one is holding these people, whatever ship they are, responsible.

No, I really doubt she knows. And personally, I don't think it's her responsibility. We built this mess, we are the ones behaving and reacting this way. It's ours to clean up.

Sorry, I get on my soapbox a bit here re: the acotar fandom.

From what I know, sjm intentionally keeps herself out of any sort of internet discussion. In one of her most recent events, she said that she doesn't even have any social media apps on her phone, and just uses it to play solitaire or something like that. And I think that Steph said she doesn't tell Sarah about any of it because of her mental health. There is 0 reason for her to need to know that people were joking about kidnapping her kid or her husband choking. The fandom is such a clusterfuck right now, that how would she be able to see through the noise to the actual, useful information, not to mention how could she engage with it?

I think there are some good reasons for this - I can't even imagine how I would react to seeing an entire anti community dedicated to me and my work. A lot of the criticism or discussion online is... suspect, at best. What good would it do her to read someone's headcanon? Or someone's completely subjective analysis of a scene? That's also tricky territory because authors aren't supposed to see any written fan work stuff, or they could be accused of taking ideas from people. I'd also rather she not know because I don't want fan service books. I want the organic story she wants to tell.

Also, fandom is a completely separate monster that the books, the publisher, and sjm did not create. Our behaviors are our responsibility. It's like the Wild West out here and some of us are taking full advantage to be assholes they always aspired to be. But there is no Fandom Police, which in cases like yesterday, kinda sucks.

I understand the desire to want sjm to make a statement. When Steph was getting a raft of shit for not shipping elriel anymore, I thought that surely Sarah would say something. I thought now this is personal, so she should get involved. But the thing is - and this is why I often choose not to reblog things with negative content - her response would also give that behavior a larger platform and more attention. And for someone with sjm's following? It would be 1000000% times worse.

And honestly? Even if she did say something, then people would just cry "death of the author" (inaccurately, might I add) and continue doing whatever they want to do. There is a fundamental lack of respect for other people that these behaviors indicate, and Mommy Sarah coming out and chiding everyone isn't going to make it better. People need to be held accountable, but it so quickly spirals into deflection, defensiveness, and then rerouting the conversation to insult OP, that what's the point? Sometimes I want to hold people accountable, but at the end of the day, that's not my job or responsibility, and all I can do is control my own actions.

My advice is to just be vigilant with who you do and don't follow, freely use the block button, and don't go into spaces that you know aren't safe. Right now, that's almost all of Twitter, and from what I hear, BookTok isn't that great either. I stick to tumblr, I have tags blocked, and I have about 40-50 fandom-related blogs blocked.

Unfortunately - and this is what makes all of this even worse - the fandom is proving itself to be very unsafe for people of color, and that's disgusting to me. It's disgusting and embarrassing and makes me want to peace out when people are just here trying to have fun, and a woman of color who rightfully calls out disgusting behavior is then subjected to something 1000% worse, essentially derailing the conversation away from the actual problem - racism, sexism, homophobia, and ableism in the fandom - and turning the discussion into tone policing.

And that is what happened yesterday. Instead of reflecting and saying "wow, this fandom is doing shitty, racist, ableist things", the discussion turned into "omg why is OP calling people out, OP thinks she's so smart, OP needs to say these things differently, OP should be nicer", etc. etc. But that means WE NEVER END UP ACTUALLY CRITIQUING THE ORIGINAL PROBLEM OF RACISM, SEXISM ETC. IN THE FANDOM. The entire discussion gets skewed elsewhere and we are right back where we started. With people being problematic assholes, and others being afraid to say anything about it.

(The way those phrases have been used as weapons in ship wars is a separate issue.)

I know I went way beyond your original question, but I think that as a fandom, we have way more responsibility for our own actions than Sarah does for calling them out. And I am putting this in all the tags because I think everyone needs to see it.

#sarah j maas #acotar #feysand #nessian #gwynriel #elucien #elriel #acotar fandom #fandom wank

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corysmiles · 3 years

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Little streamer AU prompts!

-Thinking they were all humans, either Wil or Phil bought tickets for them all to go to an amusement park....but Tommy’s too short to ride. Where does it go from there? Does Wilbur feel bad and sob out apologies? Does Tommy say it’s fine and that they can go without him, only to get kidnapped/lost? Does Tommy say f*ck it and try to sneak on with Tubbo? Your choice :)

-The bois at the arcade during the meetup. They try to cheat the games by having Tommy roll skeeballs into the best slot, or go inside machines to fix the game in their favor

-While Tubbo has Lani, and Phil has probably had like a borrower coworker or something, this is Wil’s first time heavily interacting with someone so small, and constantly watches the others and stays up at night googling how to best handle a borrower. Some of the suggestions he gets from online are way too formal and Tommy is confused as heck at where he’s getting these ideas. Like Wil you don’t have to wash your hands before picking me up if we’re RUNNING LATE C’MON LETS GO

-(the angst prompt) Tommy was so excited to meet others his size and during the meet up he doesn’t feel included or something, and he ahas a mental breakdown. Maybe he hides in a small space so the others can’t find/reach him

-If you don’t have plans for techno yet, maybe he’s also a tiny and thought he was the only one of any of his online friends, but the group FaceTimes him and he sees Tommy is small too but doesn’t make a big deal out of it, just a mentions it in the conversation at some point. Tommy feels instantly better. “Technoblade’s a bigger bad ass than any of you talk freaks!” “Techno was already the coolest, but none of you have a chance now.”

-Tommy wrestles with everyone’s hands

If you can’t tell I love this idea so much lol

-🦎anon

omg I love your ideas so much thank you and I’m so so sorry this post is so long I was gonna split it up but then I was motivated and got really excited (also pls forgive me for any spelling errors this is long and I didnt want to go back and edit it) :]

Little streamer au drabbles

—————————————————————

When Phil and Kristen had originally been planning out all the things they could do at the meet up they didn’t take into account the possibility that any of their friends might be well...tiny. So when the day came for the group to go to the amusement park and they were stopped by security at the first ride Phil knew the day wasn’t going to end well.

“Sorry sir,” the man said to Wilbur who currently had Tommy in his front pocket, “Tinies can’t go on the rides here, it’s too much liability for the park.”

Wilbur just stared at the man in mild confusion, “What if I hold him though, there’s no way anything could happen.”

The man just shrugged, “I don’t know it’s the park’s rules not mine so you can either stay out here with him or pass on rides for today.”

Wilbur looked down at the small teen in his pocket and could tell he was getting upset by the confrontation. Tommy’s shoulders drooped and he kept his eyes down as if to not show the others his disappointment.

“Its alright big man, go on I can stay down here,” Tommy whispered and patted Wilbur’s chest reassuringly. The attempt at comfort just made Wilbur’s frown grow.

“Hey it’s alright Will I’ll stay down here with Tommy,” Tubbo said, “I’m not the biggest fan of heights anyways.”

Wilbur reluctantly agreed and handed over the tiny to the other teen who walked over to one of the benches to wait for the others.

When Wilbur and Phil got off the roller coaster they panicked when they couldn’t find the two teens until they found Tubbo riding on a carousel horse with Tommy hanging off the pole.

Safe to say Wilbur didn’t let Tubbo take Tommy the rest of the day. (Sorry i didnt do angst for this one)

(More under the cut)

—————————————————————

Tommy was so excited to go to the arcade with his friends. When they got there though and Tommy saw all the prizes he could win he started to form a plan.

Tubbo of course would be the one to help him out though since he was the only one that was willing to let Tommy cause any chaos.

It started with small things like having him help them cheat on skeeball or hit targets with his hands on shooting games until they started to look for more ways to cheat.

For the final plan, Tubbo watched as Tommy climbed through the slot of a crane machine and tried to push a large bear toy into the hole.

When he saw the bear he thought Wilbur would like it and while Tubbo was usually opposed to crane games since it’s just a “waste of fucking money” he wasn’t necessarily opposed to helping Tommy get into the machine.

Everything was going fine until a woman with a child came over to the machine to play for themselves; immediately Tommy ducked down beneath the plushies so they wouldn’t get caught and Tubbo began to panic when he lost sight of the tiny.

It was at that moment that the rest of the group came over to Tubbo and asked where Tommy was.

“Uhhh hes in the bathroom,” Tubbo said nervously.

Phil tilted his head at the boy, “Uhuh...where is he Tubbo?”

“Ummmm so about that big man we uh-“

However, Tubbo was interrupted by his phone dinging and his face went pale as he read the text from Tommy.

-Pls get me out of here big man I can’t get this shit off me anymore-

“Uhhhh...oh fuck,” Tubbo muttered, “Um I have not the best news for you.”

“And what’s that?” Wilbur asked.

“Ummm do you have any coins on you?”

Phil looked at Tubbo with confusion, “Yeah, why do you ask mate?”

Tubbo turned back to the crane where the mother and daughter had left and laughed nervously, “well....ummm so by bathroom I kinda meant uh the crane machine? Yeah, Tommy’s in there.”

The adults immediately freaked out at the situation because what the fuck were the kids thinking. And when Tubbo told Wilbur they were just trying to get the teddybear for him cause Tommy thought he’d like it, he felt even more dread.

After almost an hour of Wilbur and Phil putting in money into the claw machine they finally got enough toys out of the way to see the tiny.

With one more try Tommy was able to grab onto the claw and let himself fall out of the machine. Wilbur immediately scooped him up to scold him for being a dumbass but when he saw that Tommy’s face was red and swollen he decided instead to just slip Tommy into his pocket to rest.

With the extra cheated tickets though they were able to buy Tommy a tiny plastic nerf gun from the arcade before they left.—————————————————————

Wilbur was surprised at how quickly Phil and Tubbo were okay with Tommy’s size. While Tubbo apparently had a tiny sister and Phil had had tiny friends before, Wilbur couldn’t recall ever actually interacting with someone so small expect for in passing.

He really cared about Tommy as both a friend and as a brother and he was so afraid of messing up with the teen. He didn’t want to hurt or offend Tommy in any way so of course he went to the best place to figure out what to do: wikihow.

The articles were strange for sure but anything to make Tommy feel more comfortable with him would be worth it.

So the next day when Tommy was supposed to be eating breakfast at Wilbur’s house and Wilbur wouldn’t pick him up to put him on the table he thought the taller man was just being a dick.

Then when Tommy asked him if he would pick him up Wilbur walked away from him to go to the bathroom instead of helping him.

After a minute the brunette man walked back and reached a hand down to lay besides Tommy. Tommy stepped onto his palm and expected him to pull him up towards him but when he didn’t he started to get really annoyed.

“Hey you can move what the fucks up witb you right now you’re being all weird and shit man,” Tommy grumbled.

“Huh? Oh I just...I was looking up some stuff about uh tinies and I thought maybe it would make you more comfortable?” Wilbur whispered with embarrassment.

“What?” Tommy laughed, “Why the fuck would you do that you were fine before I would tell you if I wasn’t comfortable big man you don’t have to worry about that.”

Wilbur felt his heart swell at the comfort and slowly lifted Tommy up to the table for them to eat together. It was still strange having someone so small around but Wilbur would get used to it for Tommy.—————————————————————

Tommy usually didn’t have any problems with having bigger people around. All his friends at home and his family were all humans so he knew he was overreacting about none of his online friends being tinies. But when they went out to dinner together and Phil, Tubbo, and Wilbur were all talking together while Tommy sat next to Wilbur’s cup something broke inside him.

The reason he loved streaming so much was that he thought he finally had met other people like him, but he guessed it was his own fault for never really checking.

As the three laughed loudly Tommy felt himself becoming more and more overwhelmed by the chaos in the restaurant. He couldn’t cry now though his friends were having fun, it would be a dick move for him to ruin the meet up for them just because he expected them to be tinies.

Throughout the meal and on the way home Tommy was mostly silent, he sat in Wilbur’s pocket as they arrived at the man’s apartment. Wilbur waved goodbye to Phil and Tubbo as he took Tommy inside.

Wilbur sat Tommy down on the counter as he changed and Tommy finally felt a few tears fall from his eyes. He heard the sound of a door opening and quickly hid behind a tea box so Wilbur wouldn’t see him in this state.

He started to shake as the tears kept coming while he heard Wilbur searching around for him.

“Tommy?” Wilbur called out but Tommy couldn’t even get a solid breath much less respond.

After a few moments Tommy felt the tea box he was hiding near shift as a large hand wrapped him up gently.

“Oh jeez Tommy are you okay?” Wilbur asked as he lifted Tommy to his eyes.

Tommy wiped his eyes and slowly nodded to Wilbur who looked heartbroken by the tears.

Wilbur sighed, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Tommy shook his head no and Wilbur gave the boy a sad smile.

“I’m sorry Tommy, we’ll talk about this later okay,” he whispered as he tucked Tommy up against his chest. He held the tiny until he heard soft snores replace the sobs and promised himself that whatever made him this sad would never happen again.—————————————————————

Techno had been tweeting at the rest of the sleepy boys since the start of the meetup. The American wished he had gotten to meet up with his friends but sadly because of covid there was no way to safely visit the UK, so instead they settled for FaceTiming one night so that Techno wouldn’t feel as left out.

Techno grabbed his specially made phone and anxiously waited for the call. When Phil’s contact showed up Techno opened it immediately and was greeted by the familiar blonde human’s face along with Tubbo in the corner.

“Hey Techno!” Phil smiled as Tubbo waved aggressively.

Techno smiled and waved back, “Hullo.”

After a little bit of shuffling Wilbur appeared on the screen with something cupped in his hands.

“What you got there Will?” Techno asked with an amused expression.

“It’s me bitch! Ayyy Techno,” a loud and annoying but familiar voice yelled form the taller man’s hands.

“Oh hey Tommy,” Techno laughed, but besides that there was almost no reaction to Tommy’s height.

“That’s it? No big ‘wow you’re small’ or like ‘poggers’ or anything?” Tommy asked.

Techno hummed in response, “Nah why would I care your nothing special cause you’re small.”

Tommy huffed and crossed his arms at Techno, “I’m not special bitch? I’m the only tiny here I’m amazing!”

A small chuckle left Techno as he realized the situation.

“And why are you so sure you’re the only one huh?”

Tommy blinked wide eyed at Techno before a wide grin spread across his face.

“Wait you’re small too?” Phil asked.

Techno nodded to his friends who all had different ranges of shock on their faces.

“Oh fuck yeah!” Tommy screeched causing everyone to laugh.

“See I knew this is why you were so much cooler than these bitches were alpha men you see,” Tommy laughed.

“Yeah,” Techno smiled, “I’m sure that’s why.”

The rest of the call was calmer however Tommy continued to insist that Techno and him were much cooler than the rest of the them. —————————————————————

The first time Tommy had been grabbed to try to get him to calm down or stay still it had been by Phil when he was trying to cook breakfast and Tommy kept getting too close to the stove top. Phil placed his hand over Tommy to keep him still when he felt the kid latch onto his pointer finger and try to pull it away.

“Ay what are you doing mate?” Phil laughed as the tiny continued to struggle with his finger.

“I’m wrestling you big man can’t you tell, and I’m fucking winning!” Tommy grinned.

Phil chuckled at the kid before flipping him over with his thumb.

“Yup you’re winning sure,” he said slyly.

When Wilbur and Tubbo walked in to Phil trying to pin down Tommy with his fingers while the small boy laughed and pushed them away as much as he could they had no fucking clue what was going on.

#🦎 anon #mcyt gt #mcyt g/t #little streamer au #t!tommy #g!wilbur #g!tubbo #g!philza #t!techno #corywrites

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

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I was trying to keep up with people's comments and additions on my copyright post but I literally can't anymore bc there's just too many (i read the tags people add, too, bc I just like to). I was really scared of getting some hate or of being ridiculously wrong but it seems that the general consensus (including from actual lawyers) is that I'm mostly correct. Ultimately the bottom line is that charging people for fanworks is going to leave you vulnerable to lawsuits being filed against you.

So, yeah. I wasn't really that invested in this whole thing, to be honest; my original intent was just to share some info bc I know a lot of people (like myself, most of the time) aren't going to bother to read the TOS or won't read it closely, and I also know that when you don't read the TOS, you never quite know what you're agreeing to when you click "I Accept" so - but, after looking further into it and actually looking at tumblr's manipulative language, it's fair to say I've gone from being ambivalent/slightly amused to being really worried and also disappointed bc honestly, the fuck, tumblr?

My takeaway, right now, is that tumblr is just desperate to monetize in some way so that it can profit from those of us who are left after the 2018 mass exodus and on the one hand, I get it bc it's not free to run a large website, but on the other hand, they could just ask for donations?? I know that I, personally, would happily donate $5 or something if it meant that 1 - tumblr would stop trying to monetize things here and 2 - if it meant money for tumblr to stay online as well as fix some of the issues like the search feature, the porn bot problem, etc.

Tumblr is my "safe space," in that it's the only social media I really use because it's not instagram or facebook or twitter, etc. I like being anonymous. I like connecting with people who are actually interested in what I'm interested in, instead of just scrolling mindlessly through pics of people's pets, kids, and vacations. I have found a voice here, and a community, and an outlet for my Feels. Tumblr functions very well as a fandom space; there's nothing else like it (which is why we're all still here even though on the best days this site is, like, barely held together with a few paperclips and some duct tape).

And to see tumblr actively being misleading with intents to take advantage of its user base so they can try to make a fast buck (it's not going to work anyway!) while also making sure they can toss the users under the bus, when push comes to shove ... is so disheartening.

And also worrisome. If this site tanks, where else are we gonna go? I tried out all the other options, like Dreamwidth, during the porn ban exodus/debacle in 2018. Do not like, at all.

So, yeah, I'd happily donate $5 to help prevent that from happening and I think most people feel the same. We all donate (or spread the word if we can't donate) toward AO3 bc it's so important to us as a haven for fanworks. Why can't tumblr work the same way?

Smh. I hope that this post+ thing just goes away. I hope that my post, and others like it, reach the people they need to reach in order to make a difference in whether or not they proceed with their scammy cash grab. I hope they add a tip jar function or have a fundraising campaign. Or, barring any of that, I hope that we're able to figure out, as a community, alternative options for fandom once tumblr inevitably goes down the toilet.

#i wasn't intending this post to be long or to be weirdly sentimental #but i mean #this is our emotional support cringe blue hellsite #seeing tptb pull something like this is just - well like i said i am no longer ambivalent or amused #just disheartened and kinda angry #shit sucks #random not fandom #post plus #tumblr post plus #anti post+

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crookedmoth · 2 years

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Sometimes I wonder if my mom even knows who I am sometimes

It feels like every time I come visit her, she forgets what food and drinks I like and asks me again, or if I’m busy on weekends when I’ve told her multiple times that I work weekends at the time. I worry if she’s going to start losing her memory but it seems like I’m being forgotten, but its always been that way since I moved in with her (adopted). I feel left out when she has stepkids with her boyfriend and I know they need attention cause they’re still kids and I’m an adult but is it selfish to want my mom to care about me?

It was either I’m getting yelled at for everything I’m doing wrong or she’s letting me live my life entirely and only reaching out every once in a while. I don’t want her up in my space or anything and I know I’m an adult but its been that way before I even turned 18 (21, almost 22 now) and nothing has really changed aside from that she doesn’t yell at me for everything anymore because I no longer live with her.

She says she cares about me and my mental health but called my gender identity unnecessary even when I tried to explain why it was such a big deal for me when I came out, that me posting how I feel online (my safe space because I don’t really have anywhere to go) is wrong and making her seem like this terrible mom when I’m just being honest from my experience. Honestly I’m afraid to even type stuff on here even though there’s no way she can even find this one.

I know me and my mom don’t have the greatest relationship and we never have, but every time I try to fix it it never is fixed. My dad knows more about me than she does and I’ve only visited my dad every other holiday in my childhood and after I graduated like twice since then. I just don’t understand. I don’t have a good memory either but I remember so many things about her but she can’t remember the same for me. Maybe I’m just being selfish but I just want a good relationship with her. We talked once about everyhting but in the end it was the best we talked but even then I felt like I couldn’t really speak my part.

I’ve always felt like a burden around my mom. Maybe I’ve been in the wrong, I don’t know.

#mom #mother #mommy issues #narcissist mother #adopted #adoptee #selfish #i just want my mom to love me #i want to be remembered #she is forgetting about me #vent #rant #stupid rant

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angrymoontaeil · 3 years

Text

Boyfriend Material

Word count: 2.8k

Tw: none :)

Basically Chan gives you his hoodie after you were soaked by the rain... and you’re kinda sleepy

I wrote this at 3am with too much caffeine in my veins, I am sorry

Over your life, you had many spaces that you would call home. From friend's houses, to your own small apartments, to random hotels that were the cheapest in the city you currently resided in. It took many years for you to finally find a stable job with a stable income, and was able to complete online college for music. Finally, for once in your life you felt contempt.

After the many years, you settled down in Seoul. You had a couple of friends that you met online that lived fairly close to the city, and you were able to snag a job at a small coffee shop down the corner from your small apartment and also a producing job at a company called JYP. You worked during the day at the shop, refilling coffee cups, making over-priced coffees left and right for teenagers heading to school or adults with scowls plastered on their faces getting extra shots of espresso in their drinks. You then made your way down a couple blocks to JYP where you would enter the studio with other producers and create music with them.

Today, the weather cracked thunder in the sky and let the rain fall down in harsh droplets that completely soaked your hair and clothes. Your jacket wrapped tightly around your body as you tried to keep the remaining warmth of your body closest to you. You wished that you took a taxi from the coffee shop to the company. Although the fare would have been costly, it was much better than struggling to walk in the downpour.

Finally, after the walk that normally took at the very most 5 minutes took you three times longer, you reached the back entrance of the company and basically threw yourself through the door to escape from the cold. Your hair let small droplets of water splatter the floor and your shoes squeaked every time you moved. Huffing out a sigh you took your shoes off before your soaks were soaked anymore than they already were. You swung your backpack down to the floor and took a look inside. Your notebooks and work clothes inside were wet as well and thankfully you had none of your electronics or lyric books inside as your coworker here had them safe in her bag.

You tried to take light steps in the hallway. When you finally reached the recording room you opened the door and dramatically sighed and dropped your shoes to the floor. Your coworkers chucked at your antics and gave you smiles. Bowing, you set down your book bag to the floor and took off your coat that revealed an equally soaked sweater. One of your friends, Daehi threw you a glare when you sat down next to her and flipped your hair dramatically back to hit her in the face.

Daehi slapped your arm and refocused on your manager who was giving a rundown of some of the tracks you were to be helping with today. Apparently, Stray Kids were going to be doing a comeback in the next month or so and needed some finishing touches to the songs and you, Daehi and your other coworker Seunin will be assigned to work on them and the remaining will be working on a couple new backing tracks and mixers.

In your couple months of working here, you have seen and talked to only a couple members of Stray Kids. All of which were kind and polite and insanely talented. To say the least, you were excited to finally meet the full group as your coworkers and other artists would talk and give compliments about the members and the group countless times. Another reason you were excited was that you were the only one out of the other two with a major in music as the others had backgrounds in sound, light, and film design. You loved Daehi and Seunin with your whole heart, but it would be nice for once and a while to talk technical about music.

When your manager let the groups split off, Daehi gave you a slap to your arm before settling down in one of the chairs in front of the computer screens with the music program pulled up. You gasped and stood up to perch behind her as she plucked out random notes on the piano in front of the computer, the notes transferred to the screen in order and Seunin sat in the chair next to her.

Both of them settled into a conversation of the next stage that they were creating for the artists for their next program and you went back to the couch to try and relax before the artists came in. Needless to say, you were nervous. Your leg bounced and you fidgeted with your fingers in eagerness. Not to add onto the mess, you were also soaked to your socks and the cold just started to settle in.

"Hey, Y/N. Are you okay?" You looked up to see Daehi and Seunin giving you a questioning look. You nodded and looked down at your fingers which were now turning a light purple on your fingertips. "You don't look like it at all" She came over and knelt down at your feet and took your hands in hers, "what the hell! Your super cold!" Somehow you managed to smile at her weakly and she glared at you.

You were about to say that you were fine when the door opened. Changbin came in first, followed by Jisung who was talking a mile a minute about a dog. Hyunjin shoved Jisung through the door and followed was I.N and Seungmin. Minho and Felix walked through in a conversation, and Chan was last and shut the door behind him.

Daehi helped you up from the couch and you all gave bows to each other before settling walking over to the chairs in front of the computers. The members of Stray Kids stood behind you three and peered over your shoulders as you pulled up the files of songs with shaky hands. Seunin noticed your struggle and took the mouse from your hand and opened the files for you and pulled up the mixer. He also positioned the piano in front of you and gave a smile which you returned great-fully. You mouthed "thank you" to him before focusing on the screen to look over some of the notes of improvement.

The boys behind you and your coworkers joked around as you started up the recording system. Standing up, you made your way to the recording booth to set up the mics and headphones for the members who were still laughing at a joke said by Hyunjin. As doing this, you felt a constant pair of eyes on you. Still shaky and tense from the nerves and cold, you didn't want to look up and meet the eyes which never left your frame.

You left the booth and settled back down into the chair. You blinked a couple times and took a deep breath. Your head spun and your knuckles turned white at how hard you were clenching them, however your fingertips still remained a faint blue.

"Are you okay?" The voice scared you, making you jump and turn to Chan who bent down to your level and spoke with a calm demeanor. You opened your mouth to speak before a large shiver wracked your body. A heavy sigh left you and you smiled at Chan who looked concerned. He reached out slowly to your face and cupped your cheek in his warm hands. "You're... freezing," his words were hardly above a whisper as he spoke again, "do you have a change of clothes?" You shook your head no and he let his hand drop from your face to the armrest of the chair and spun you around to face him fully. "I have extra in my backpack, wait one second."

Chan rose to his full height and walked over to Minho and whispered to him before leaving the room. When he left, Minho looked at you and smiled before focusing back on Jisung who was telling another outlandish story.

"So... you and Chan, huh?" Daehi rolled her chair over to you and spoke in a sassy voice. Your eyes were still glued to the door and Daehi nudged your arm to make you look at her.

"Yeah right, he is just being kind."

"Hey, Y/N... is this going to take long? I really want to sleep today," Felix gave you a pleading look and poked at I.N who mimicked the same facial expression. You smiled and laughed at their antics.

"There is only one song that needs some working on, the rest are good until we have some more time." Like Felix and I.N all you wanted to do was curl up in bed under the soft covers and get some sleep before work tomorrow morning. However, you knew that there was a significant pile of work on your end that you wanted to finish before the weekend, and tonight was the only night you had enough free time to complete it.

"Really?" Seungmin perked up at your words with excitement and you nodded. He and Felix sprung up from the couch and ran into the recording booth and put on the headphones. The door opened again and you looked over to see Chan holding clothes and motioned at you with them with a large smile. His eyes crinkled and his messy hair was covered by a beanie and a hint of red spread across his cheeks when you smiled back at him.

You held your wet clothing in your hands, which the blue was slowly fading from. After you finished changing and looked in the mirror, you realized that your condition was a lot worse than you thought it was. Your lips were starting to turn blue in the corners and turned a tad paler than your normal complexion. Even though Chan was considered 'short' compared to other idols and even his own band mates, his hoodie was bigger on you and his sweatpants had to be tied tightly around your hips for them to not dip too low. His scent lingered on his clothes and it honestly calmed you, any of the fears that you had about recording with Stray Kids slowly drifted off your body. Slowly you made your way back to the recording room, sleep was starting to catch up to you and pulled at your eyes.

You gripped the armrests and stood up slowly from the chair. You shuffled slowly over to him and took the clothing from his hands, careful to not touch his hands in fear of further embarrassing yourself. "Thank you," You said before maneuvering past him and out the door. Once you closed the door, you let go of a breath that you didn't realize you were holding in. You held Chan's clothes close to you and made your way to the bathroom and change.

You pushed open the door with a yawn and shoved your clothes by your backpack. Chan looked up at you, and even though you missed it, the others saw the way he looked at you when you set your clothes away and made your way back to the chair. You grabbed the earbuds on the desk and put them in, and with new determination you started the music for Felix and Seungmin who were still in the recording booth.

"Sleep!" Jisung screamed when he swung open the the booth and jumped towards the couch and set his head down on Minho's lap. He closed his eyes and sighed, I.N joined him by jumping on top on Jisung who let out a screech and fell off the couch and onto the floor. I.N fell as well, with Hyunjin and Changbin laughing at the boys who groaned in pain on the floor. Chan was the last to exit the booth and you two made eye contact before looking back at the commotion of screams on the floor when I.N tried to scramble off of Jisung but managed to fall back on him when Hyunjin shoved him back down.

Daehi was clutching her stomach with tears in her eyes and Seunin was leaning on Changbin who both were laughing at the boys' antics. You smiled and laughed along with them, using the sleeves of the hoodie to cover your face to hide your huge smile and the tears starting to form.

Finally, I.N managed to stand with the help of Seungmin and Jisung hung onto Minho as they walked out of the office after saying goodbyes. The rest of the members bid their farewells as well with hugs and smiles and left. Daehi stretched out in her chair with a yawn and Seunin made his way to grab his stuff from the couch.

"I have to leave before the storm gets worse, I will see you both tomorrow," he bowed and left. Daehi did the same with a hug and said for you to get some sleep before work tomorrow and a promise to grab a coffee from you tomorrow. Finally, you were left to yourself, looking at the time at the corner of the computer screen, it read 12:05 am.

The time read 4:47 on Chan's phone. He still found himself awake at this ungodly hour and wandered his way back to the recording office. He opened the door still looking at his phone, the lights that were still on did not phase him until he went to go the desk and saw you asleep cuddled in his clothes. Your head rested on your arms on the desk and your legs were crossed on the chair. Earbuds were still placed in your ear and music still played on the screen on the computer. Chain closed the door softly and made his way over to your sleeping figure.

Files upon files of music still had to be looked upon and you knew you had to create at least two more backing tracks before you were going to be content with yourself. You buried your face into the sleeves and took a deep breath. You flinched back at the scent, you forgot you still wore Chan's clothes. They were so comfortable and it was relaxing that you wearing them left your mind. You looked up at the screen again you set to work.

He quietly removed the earbuds from your ears and moved to rub your back. You shifted at the movement but made no action to open your eyes, but made a noise of comfort before snuggling deeper into Chan's hoodie. "Hey," he spoke softly "can I move you to the couch?" You hummed in approval and you lifted your head up from the desk but still didn't open your eyes. Chan wrapped his hands behind your back and under your kneed and lifted you up. You wrapped your hands around his neck and nuzzled your face into his chest. If you were even remotely aware of what was happening, your face would have been a deep red but you were too sleep deprived to even feel embarrassed at your actions.

Chan smiled down at you curled in his arms. He enjoyed the warmth that spread in his chest as you hummed again when he set you down carefully on the couch. When he removed his hands from under your limbs, you opened your eyes and grabbed onto his shirt. "What time is it?" You asked quietly, Chan opened his phone once more.

"4:57, you need to sleep."

"And you don't? Why are you here?" Sleep tugged at your eyelids and you closed them and let go of Chan's shirt. He smiled and walked over to the desk and saved your work before turning off the pc and shutting down all the equipment.

"I am used to this, but you work a lot... you need your sleep."

"You know I work a lot?" You whispered and heard Chan come closer and you felt something cover your body and tugged up to your chin. You grabbed at the cloth and pulled it closer to your body.

"Yeah, many of the producers speak highly of you here, and I always see you leaving late. They say that even though you work at a coffee shop and here, you always pour your heart out. Does music mean a lot to you?" His voice was soothing and drowsiness took hold of your senses.

"Chan?"

"hmmm?" His hand made its way to your hair and combed through.

"Can you stay here? I have work in a couple.... I can make coffee..." Your words slurred together and you cuddled deeper into the couch.

"I will stay right here," his voice was a whisper at this point, you opened the blanket and Chan crawled in and hugged you close to his chest. His hand still remained tangled in your hair and the other wrapped around your waist. You did the same and hugged his body close to you and smiled. "You set an alarm, right"

"Shut up, let me hug you,"

#stray kids #stray kids fluff #stray kids imagine #stray kids imagines #kpop scenarios #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fic #stray kids chan #stray kids chan scenario #stray kids chan fluff #kpop fanfic #kpop fic #kpop fluff #kpop stray kids #kpop imagines #bang chan #bang chan fluff #bang chan imagines #bang chan scenarios

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tear-stained-blankie · 3 years

Text

Hey, hey, you there, yes you! The one who thinks you might be faking DID/OSDD/A Dissociative Disorder.

Stop, let's talk about it for a minute.

You are not faking if you want to get help, or are actively trying to seek therapy/advice for your condition.

You are not faking when you are putting yourself out there to tell people this, when you know very well that their reaction could be good, or bad. Because it, sadly, is a risk.

You are not faking when you find surpressed alters often as a new system, or a really old system. Some alters surpress themselves for years as a response to trauma, and only get noticed once the person realizes they are a system, or with years of therapy.

You are not faking when you split, especially if you're still in your traumatic situation.

You are not faking when you simply want a safe space for you and your system online.

You are not faking when you are a fictive heavy system. For us, fiction is escapism. It's often used as a coping mechanism, and a lot of characters make us comfy. If a character makes you feel safe, or seems like they could help with your trauma, or even if you just like them, it's okay that you split them.

You are not faking when you split alters that make no sense to you now. It's happened to us twice! And I've heard it's happened to a lot of other people too.

You are not faking based on the number of alters you have. You can have one, or two alters, or you can have 2,500+ The brain forms whatever it needs to deal with your trauma.

And finally, hey, guess what?

Come here, I wanna tell you a secret, but you can't tell anyone, okay?

Are you listening? Good, okay!

1. Your trauma was 'bad enough' to be a system. You don't have to wish it was 'worse' to feel valid.

2. If you think you're faking, or are unsure, then guess what? You're not. If you honest to goodness know you aren't faking, then you aren't. Because people who were faking would know.

So, fellow systems. Be proud of who you are, because you are not a 'trend.' It is not 'uwu so kawaii' to have alters, you are not 'roleplaying' and we know that. My alters are my family, and they help me through so much. For you, they could feel like something different, and that's okay. I know system life is hard sometimes, especially since a lot of us get fakeclaimed constantly just because some kids on the internet think it's cute to have alters. But you're not one of them.

Don't listen to anyone who fakeclaimes you if you question rather you're faking or not anymore, okay? So, go make that alter you weren't sure about a Pluralkit for me. Go join some servers, or ask for help, and advice if you want. And most importantly, stay off of DID/OSDD TikTok for the most part, because while there are some beautiful creators over there, it can also be a very toxic place.

Thank you for reading, and all of you have a lovely day.

(Singlets can reblog to signal boost)

#osdd #did #osdd 1b #reassurance #system reassurance #system positivity #system #positivity #system advice

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fireflyjunkie · 3 years

Text

FEEL SOMETHING

(A Sanders sides Angst one-shot fic)

Part 1

4,391 words

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

Razor blades

Self harm

Gore

Numbness

Logan angst

Confrontation on self harm suspicions

Summary:

Logan is tired of being the cold, emotionless robot that everyone perceives him as. He’s repressed his emotions to such a great extent that he genuinely doesn’t feel anything major anymore. He does have his nightly break-downs sometimes, but he needs more than that.

However, this is where roads begin to cross. Logan feels that it would be nice and beneficial to experience strong emotions, but he doesn’t know if this feeling is stronger than his fear of expressing such things. Being viewed as a joke and not being taken seriously is his worst nightmare. Because of this, the logical side just keeps up his stone cold front to avoid being weak.

This dilemma Logan had found himself in really frustrated him. No matter how hard he tried to think of a solution, nothing ever satisfied both ends of the spectrum. The best he had come up with was to keep up the front when he was with the others and then let himself break down at night when no one was around, and even that didn’t help him nearly as much as he wished. This eventually led him to looking for answers online. One search led to another, and Logan has figured out something that might help him. It’s a bit risky, and he’ll have to hide it from the others, but he knows how to be safe with it, so he’ll give it a shot just to feel something.

•———————————————————————-•

Part 1

6:34pm

Logan was sitting at the dinner table with his three friends as they ate their meal. Nothing unusual about the evening, they had their casual little chats and the occasional playful banter from Roman and Virgil, with Patton butting in every so often. Logan kept his focus all on the plate of food in front of him. The paternal figure had worked hard to make this, he wasn’t going to let it get cold. Plus even if he wanted to join the conversation, he wouldn’t even know what to say. Sure he was the logical side and he had a heap of facts to spit but when it comes to the jovial friendly conversations the others usually shared. He truly couldn’t find the words to contribute something meaningful into the atmosphere, so other than correcting a false statement, he kept silent.

“Now Virgil, I’m just saying that a kid would be much more excited to watch a movie like Alice in wonderland and we all know it!” Roman exclaimed to the emo sitting across the table from him. It’s not at all surprising that the current conversation taking place was one about Disney. Especially when it was Virgil and Roman who were the ones bickering. “I mean all the bright colors and such a classic story is bound to win a kid over!”

“Uhuh sure, like kids would want to watch a film about a bunch of mentally ill people on an acid trip. Plus, the queen of hearts is scary for them,” Virgil retorts, glaring at Roman before taking a bite of his food. “The princess and the frog is clearly a superior movie. It’s about an independent hard working woman who doesn’t need a man to help her achieve her goals, like are you kidding me? And she helps him out, that is a nice change for once.”

“Yea I cannot argue with that, we stan Tiana,” Roman admits, leaning back in his chair. Logan was about to question the prince about the term he just used, but decided against it, keeping quiet.

“But the shadow man is scary!” Roman continues.

“Uh, no. ’I’ve got friends on the other side’ is such a bop. But I am one of the friends on the other side,” Virgil pulls his signature 2000’s MySpace emo face. ‘Bop’. Logan remembers what that meant. He had to ask Roman about it later to make a vocabulary card.

“Oh my god can you get any edgier?” Roman asks the snickering Virgil across the table as he rolls his eyes and goes back to his food. The only thing Logan could think of at this time is how useless that conversation was. Their frivolous arguments had no solid points or evidence to back up their argument if they were trying to persuade the other. He chose not to say anything so as to not further encourage them. Instead he had just yet again kept quiet and his focus was on finishing his food so he could retire to his room.

“So Logan, are you almost finished with your work?” Logan’s head snapped up when the mention of his name came from Patton. ‘Work.. it was always work.’

“No, Patton. There are still a few tasks to be completed that need to be completed tonight,” Logan states, adding on that last bit so hopefully he isn’t bugged with having a ‘family night’ as Patton and the others like to call it. Which, it doesn’t make any sense considering the fact that none of us are actually related.

“Well, once you are done with that, do you wanna come watch a movie with us!?” The parental side excitedly asks. Logan internally cringed at Patton’s use of grammar, but more at his failed attempts at getting out of this without having to ask. It’s not that Logan didn’t like the others, it’s just that tonight specifically he wanted to be left alone. Sometimes spending time with them is considered a good thing to him because he knows that he needs to take breaks from his work sometimes and Patton gives him an excuse to do so. Also, knowing that Patton wants him there helps him feel less like a robot, but that feeling quickly returns when they don’t even care to ask him his opinions for the movie choice.

“Oh.. that’s ok! There’s always next time, right?” Patton sounded a little disappointed, but supportive nonetheless. “Well I wish you good luck with that, Logan!”

“Thank you, Patton,” Logan finishes the conversation while turning his attention back towards his almost empty plate.

The rest of the dinner went by as normal. They all took their dishes to the sink and Patton offered to help Roman complete the dishes and Virgil retired to his room for the night. Logan says his goodnights and follows suit to his own room.

After entering, Logan lightly shut his door and pressed his back against the cool wood. The lights were still off, so he sat in the inky black dark atmosphere staring at the ceiling in order to prevent the dark curtain draped over the contents of his room from playing tricks on his eyes. He didn’t bother finding the light switch; he felt it was unnecessary. It would only illuminate everything that reminded him of everything that burdens him. He hates not knowing.

The logical side leaned his head back against the door and squeezed his eyes shut, the blankness of the dark and the silence began to be too much for him; it made him feel too alone. With no senses available, you are left with nothing but your own thoughts to drown in. Nothing to do but to fall down that hole of endless thinking. Logan’s head swarmed with every emotion he was feeling at once. Every fact he wished wasn’t true danced behind his eyes and pounded on his skull demanding his attention.

Logan couldn’t help but let the tears run down his cheeks. They started rolling faster and he held his hand over his mouth, choking back a sob. He hated doing this, but he had to if he wanted to remain sane. He just felt so vulnerable and embarrassed. Logan felt his legs begin to shake so he slid down the door to sit on the floor. God he hopes no one comes to his room.

The logical side stayed on the floor like that for a while. He didn’t know how long, but he was surprised when he looked at his phone to find he had been there for almost thirty minutes. Once the crying had for the most part stopped and Logan realized that it didn’t really help at all, he decided to get up from his spot on the floor and turn on some lights. He had reached for the plug connected to fairy lights strung around his room and plugged it into the electrical socket, illuminating the whole space with a soft Caramel colored glow. The lights were a gift from Patton last Christmas, the parental figure had gotten some for everyone in the house. At first the logical side thought they were childish and impractical due to him already having a light in his room, but Patton persisted so he put them up and once he saw how they casted a honey coating to all the contents of his bedroom and how the atmosphere instantly shifted from sharp to calming and gentle, he decided that they weren’t that bad.

After his eyes had adjusted to the light, Logan walked into the bathroom that he has in his room and shut the door after turning on the light. The sudden contrast of the soft light of his room to the harsh light of the bathroom only worsened his growing headache so the first thing he did was retrieve the Ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet and swallow two. After that he took his glasses off and placed them on the side of the sink before proceeding to wash his face of tears with warm water from the faucet. After he patted his face dry with a towel, he took a minute to just look into the mirror. He took notice of his cold, dead eyes that were a navy blue, but despite being such a bright color, his eyes looked more dull and grey. ‘No wonder the others think I’m a metaphorical robot.” He thinks to himself. He decides not to stay there any longer or else Remus might hear him drowning in his thoughts and show up so he grabbed his glasses and started back towards his room.

Logan didn’t know what to do now. He’s already cried a bunch but that didn’t help. He just sat on the edge of his bed trying to figure things out. The laptop sitting closed and still in his desk caught his eye. ‘There may be an article on the internet explaining my situation.’ The logical side thought to himself before he got up and made his way towards his desk, pulling out the chair and sitting down. While he opened the device up and typed in his password, he thought about what he was going to type into the search bar. While the Google page displayed on his screen awaiting his questions, Logan’s fingers moved to type in the first one that came to mind; ‘How to feel when you are numb?’

Once he pressed enter, he proceeded to scroll for what he was looking for. He passed a bunch of articles about physical health and stuff like that. ‘Perhaps I worded it incorrectly?’ He thought to himself before seeing something that could potentially be what he was looking for. It was a link to a twitter post. It was titled ‘I don’t feel anything. I do this to feel something,’ and Logan thought that would suffice nicely to his needs. Though, the side wasn’t prepared for what he was going to see when he clicked it. Blood. Lots of blood. Cuts all up and down the poster’s forearm that could be recognized as dermis and epidermis level cuts. And finally, a bloodied double edge razor blade sitting calmly in a warm crimson pool on the counter top.

Logan gasped upon the image displayed in front of him. It wasn’t too intense but seeing a part of the human body all cut up didn’t make him feel too comfortable, but he was slightly intrigued. He was kind of confused why the gorey photo was related to what he was looking for so he decided to look into it further; only because the text part of the post seemed to relate a little to his state of mind.

The logical side scrolled down past a few more photos of the same cuts just at different angles. He kept observing the images while trying to think of where to go from here until he decided to use the tags the original poster had provided with the text to research further. He viewed 10 or so hashtags of random things to figure out what the point of this was. Some of them just confused the side, but one of the words he recognized from an article he read a few months ago when Roman fell into a deep depression and he tried to gather as much information as he could to help him because the others were worried and terrified for him. However, he never had to use much information because they had luckily gotten him out of that mental health decline before anything terrible happened. Well, at least to his knowledge. The tag in question reads as ‘self harm’. Now Logan felt a little stupid because he knew what this was before, but a little clarification never hurt anyone.

He had to admit, he was a little taken aback by the fact that what he was experiencing was linked and related to self harm but he decided to explore more under that subject to further understand it. When he clicked on the tag, he was exposed to pages and pages of self harm. He stopped at one particularly disturbing one. It was a video of a girl with a straight razor that resembled that of what a barber would use. In the video, she had pressed as hard as she could and with one clean swipe, the fat inside her arm was exposed. By this point, Logan was feeling a little sick to his stomach on account of what was displayed in front of him. The video however kept going. The girl dabbed the open wound with a white towel, so the amount of blood that was being soaked up was very visible. The girl picked the weapon up again and placed it in the center of the cut and proceeded to apply pressure while she dragged the blade along her arm at a painfully slow speed. When the pool of blood was soaked up, fascia was exposed and Logan really wanted to look away but he couldn’t. He vaguely understood the premise behind self harming, but witnessing it to this extent kind of confused and scared him.

Luckily the video stopped there and Logan closed it out and continued to scroll through the page. He did not find much there other than the pictures and videos of people cutting themselves and he was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable, almost like what he felt when he was under the effects of Virgil’s room; and for that reason he decided to close out this tab and search elsewhere. The logical side really didn’t know why he was so intrigued to this certain coping mechanism. He knew it was very unhealthy, but he couldn’t let it go.

After a few google searches about the topic of self harm and a few articles later, Logan found one specific body of text that piqued his interest. It was basically describing the effects self harming has on the brain and why so many people do it and says it helps. He read through it and the information he gathered was rather interesting to him. Basically, the context of the article was explaining the science behind why self harming was addictive and why some people do it in the first place.

‘So, cutting myself will release neurochemicals in my brain that mimics that of dopamine? Fascinating..’ Logan thinks to himself. The side takes a minute to think it through. Was he actually considering this? I mean, there is scientific evidence that proves that doing this will help him. Logan ponders a bit on that last point, basically pushing him to do it. He just resorts to searching for reasons not to go through with it at this point. Only two reasons came to his mind when he tried to think up reasons to push the thoughts out of his head. The first was the safety aspect of it. Of course when you are cutting yourself there are things that can go wrong; however Logan felt confident enough that he knew how to do this safely. He knew where the vital points were on the human body so he knew where it was safe to cut as well as how deep to go. He also knew how to properly dress the wounds and how to take care of them so they didn’t get infected so the logical side could figuratively throw that worry out the window.

The only factor that was left in play affecting Logan’s decision in going through with this is the guilt he would have to face if the others found out. With Patton having gone through a situation similar to this when Roman was having severe mental health issues and when Virgil ducked out, Logan would figuratively (and almost literally) have the blood on his hands just adding it to the list. He knows that Patton always tries his hardest to do things that make everyone as happy as they can be, and oh the lengths he would go to do that. Let’s just say that the parental side has had many sleepless nights on account of helping someone else. But surely if Patton had ever found out about all the things Logan hasn’t told him, it would make him feel like he hasn’t been enough for people even more than he already does, even and who knows what could happen to him when that happens and he lives knowing that three of his friends have been struggling.

Logan had to ponder on this one for a minute. But with him being logic and all, he brought up the point that the way Patton was thinking about things is untrue and if he had to, Logan with a little of Virgil’s help could sit down with him and possibly explain things in order to pull him from that mindset.

He quietly hummed to himself, feeling accomplished at finding a solution. This satisfied feeling quickly deteriorated as confusion began to spill. Why was he feeling this way about something so grim? Why was he so compelled to stand up to get that spare razor that lay waiting in the bathroom cupboard? He thought it was even irrational to consider doing such things but it just felt like something that could actually help him, and he needed it.

He didn’t know what made him do it, but something in him made him push himself out of his desk chair to shut his laptop without powering it off and making his way to the bathroom. Once inside, he quietly closed the bathroom door. He opened the door of the shadow box, but for some reason it felt super slow like in a dramatic movie. He didn’t know why his hands were shaky when he spotted the razor and went to gently pick it up.

Just then as he examined the weapon in his grip, he felt the adrenaline pumping. It all just set in. Oh my god he was actually going to do this. He was just moments away from his destination. He gulped down a nervous lump in his throat as he examined the perfectly new blade for any rust. The side didn’t understand why he was so nervous; he knew how to do this safely so why was he so scared? Maybe he’s afraid of the pain

Logan however quickly dismissed this thought so that it doesn’t chase him out of a decision. I mean he would only seem MORE weak if he pulled such a pansy move. It shouldn’t be too bad.

He started by washing the blade and his forearm with warm water just as a precaution. He shakily held the blade horizontally over his wrist. Deep breath in and-

Slice

He ran the blade across his skin and then exhaled the breath he was holding. He sort of relaxed when he realized that it wasn’t that bad and that he was ok. Still, he checked the damage. It was a cut on the epidermis layer of the skin so nothing bad. Even so, he watches the blood bead along the clean line in fascination. It started to drip a little but that was caught with the towel that Logan pulled off the towel rack. He gently pressed the cloth to the cut and when he pulled it back, he closely watched as blood refilled the small wound. He was satisfied with his work and for some reason, he couldn’t stop looking at it. He wanted more.

So that’s what he did; the side made a few more clean lines parallel to the first one he made. He would stop to just watch the blood, then soak it up before watching how it refills again. Logan found himself admiring his arm from all angles, wearing these cuts like some sort of sick and twisted accessory. Logan continued to leave a few more little cuts, holding his arm over the sink to not make so much mess with blood (and to not ruin his favorite button up shirt).

The logical side went for one more and pressed a bit harder this time. When he swiped the blade, white was exposed before blood started to seep out from the edges of this deeper and wider cut. Actually being able to see the inside of his arm like that kind of scared him. He recognized this as the dermis level of skin. It made him a bit uneasy how he could turn his arm sideways and see the cut gape a bit, but he couldn’t stop looking at it. He thought if Remus was here, he would have said it looked like a mouth.

After that tiny scare of going deeper, he decided he was done with this for the night, afraid of going farther than he already has. As he started cleaning the blood from his arm and his sink, he was thinking over his success rates with this exercise. He had come to the conclusion that this had done what he wanted it to for him. He smiled to himself as he looked at the fresh cuts. The smaller and thin ones have already dried and scabbed over, but the deeper one he had just done was still filling with blood after each time he soaked it up, but it was slowing down. He doesn't know if he smiled because the treatment worked or if he was just proud of what he had done, but to him it just matters that he got a smile out of it. Once all the blood was cleaned up, he opened the shadow box again to retrieve the bandages. Carefully, he wrapped his arm in a secure bandage and put the rest away. The pressure of the cloth being wrapped tightly around his arm felt oddly nice and contrasted with the burning sensation on his skin from the contact.

The side stops moving and stands perfectly still when he feels a presence in his room. His heart dropped out of fear in realizing that this is the worst time to be here for obvious reasons. He slowly reaches for the doorknob of the bathroom and turns it, trying to prepare himself for whatever is about to happen. When the door was opened, it revealed Remus sitting on Logan’s bed just looking around.

“R-Remus, what are you doing here?” His voice was shakier than he wanted it to be. He wasn’t sure if the cause was from what he just did in the bathroom or the fear he had from another side possibly knowing.

Remus’s gaze shifted towards the nerd and the bandage on his arm. “Well, as I am Thomas’s own intrusive thot,” he stopped for a second to giggle at his play on words, “I can sense unwanted thoughts from any other part of Thomas,” he got up from his spot on Logan’s bed to walk towards him.

“I was picking up something from you, not like the normal. I had some suspicions and came to investigate but it seems as if I was right,”

“I.. I’m not sure I know what you are referring to,” he lied. Logan thought it was eerie to hear Remus talk in this more serious manner.

“Yea, no we both know that is a big lie,” Remus slightly smirked at Logan for the fact that he was right and gestured to Logan’s bandaged arm. Logan just avoided the other side’s eyes and held his arm behind his back. This and Logan’s uncomfortable silence confirmed it to Remus and he was no longer smiling, he had a look of empathy and slight hurt on his face. He was also sort of mad at the others because he feels and sees what Logan goes through with them and he thinks he can understand why Logan would resort to self harm.

“Logan, do you need to talk about it?” He asked. Logan has talked to Remus about his situation before, but he didn’t want to talk about this. He just brushed past Remus to go lay his pajamas out on the bed to get changed for the night. “No, I do not wish to speak of this and I ask you to kindly not mention this to anyone else, but thank you for your concern,” he never turned around to look at the other once. Remus just stood there with a slight frown. He then got an idea on what to do and he sunk out without saying anything else.

Logan could feel when the intrusive side left the room and released the breath he was holding in relief. He felt guilt wash over him in the moment. He really disliked lying to one of his closest friends but it was for the best. It was way too early for him to be able to tell anybody- scratch that. He didn’t want to tell anyone at all. He just hoped that Remus would listen and not tell anybody. The logical side thought of what he would do if that were to happen as he changed his clothes to something more comfortable.

He stopped before getting into bed to ponder if he should leave his fairy lights on while he slept. They were left on as he climbed under the cover to keep the atmosphere soft.

The logical side found himself holding his bandaged arm up above his face to admire it. He didn’t know what it was, but knowing what he'd done gave him tiny butterflies of adrenaline in his stomach which led him to a small smile. Logan was never an artist of any medium, but those crimson lines that stain his forearm felt like an art piece to him. It made him feel accomplished and.. happy. And with that, the side brought his arm back under the covers and closed his eyes to be consumed by sleep with a smile on his face.

•———————————————————————-•

Hope you enjoyed this first part :)

Yea a little background, sanders sides is such a comfort series for me, so I started writing this back when I was struggling a lot and I decided to keep writing this now so I hope you enjoy this bucket of angst haha

Part 2 will be linked here when it is up!

#sanders sides fic #sanders sides #one shot #logan sanders #Logan angst #sanders sides angst #self harm #ahhh my poor baby #vent #Roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #Janus sanders

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genesisrose74 · 3 years

Text

Christmas With the Karasuno Boys (HC’s)!!

Part 2: Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Kinoshita, & Narita

Part 1 (Daichi, Suga, Asahi, Nishinoya, Tanaka, & Ennoshita) here!

A/n: Tumblr said my word count was too much so I’m splitting this bad boi up into two parts :p Enjoy!!

*****

Kageyama

This boy has a secret soft side for Christmas istg

He HATES showing it to other people on his team and shit

But holy bejeezus he is mesmerized by the holiday in every way possible

Lights, sweets, snow, just like,,, the general magic of December is the most awe-inspiring thing to him

Since he is still a sporty and pretty active mofo, you decided to fuel that on your holiday-themed date as Kags had noted that he’d never gone sledding before

Your jaw was on the FLOOR when he first told you because he would 10000% enjoy the hell out of it

And so you dragged him out to this popular sledding hill that you frequented as a child and taught him what to do

Not gonna lie, he was kind of nervous

“Well you’re experienced at it. I don’t wanna mess up”

🥺🥺🥺 bubby

“You won’t, Tobio! I can already tell you’re gonna be a sledding pro”

Feels a little better after that, but he asks you to help him out for his first run down the hill

He sits behind you with his arms secured snugly around your waist and his head nestled on top of your shoulder

Which would probably seem really funny to passerby because this boy is tol and intimidating in most other situations

As soon as the sled started down, Kags tightened his grip and made this cute little yelp of surprise

But you were laughing insanely hard at the combination of going really fast downhill whilst also having your boyfriend cling to you for dear life

And then when the sled stopped safely at the bottom he started to chuckle

FULL ON, GENUINE SOUND OF ENJOYMENT

That shit is rare

Y’all stayed at that hill for half the day because it was so fun

You got him a new, very high quality athletic roller for Christmas because his old one was just not cutting it anymore

And you also gave him this really cute bracelet with a volleyball, his jersey number, and a little strawberry milk set of charms attached to it

It matched this really pretty and subtle chain he’d bought for your birthday

His blueberry eyes got all wide with affection dfjdskfjsdk—

Got super blushy and couldn’t get a handle on his speech for a fat minute

He thinks you’re the coolest person ever no I do not take criticism

Geez you’re both adorable together, ideal “stoic boy becomes warmer during the holidays around his love” movie plot and I love it

Hinata

He is all in on Christmas. Not a chance this boy doesn’t get excited as hell

Will openly go into holiday mode as soon as November is over

Was secretly already listening to his Christmas playlist before then

He is one of the sweetest gift givers, that is FACTUAL

If you want something really badly, he will take notice and get it as your present immediately

He’ll also gift you an extra thing that’s handmade 🥺

Like some pastries that his mom helped him make, or a specially made basket of soaps with your favorite scents in it

It’s absolutely adorable and you cherish those ones especially

Is happy if you simply get him something; mans doesn’t care what it is

New practice volleyball? A brand new sweatshirt? Elated either way

You had seen an advertisement for a friendly match between Japan and Poland’s men’s volleyball teams, so you waited online on the ticket sales website until the minute it opened

Spoiler alert: you got some banger seats 😌✨

Shoyo may or may not have tackled you when he read the ticket details, letting out his excited giggle (you know the one)

“I can’t believe you got these, angel! You’re coming with me, right? You’ve gotta! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Gives you sweet little kisses between each individual ‘thank you’

“Of course I’ll go with you, Sho! I’m really glad you like it!”

He will give you the brightest smile of all time — that shit makes Christmas lights pale in comparison

“Have I told you how much I love you?”

RIGHT BACK AT YOU BBY

Hold his hands to warm up together when temperatures drop pls :)))

It’s become a weekly December tradition to watch a Christmas movie with Natsu at the Hinata household

She’ll sit in your lap while the three of you are cuddled under a blanket together, and Shoyo will lace his fingers with yours all discreetly

In conclusion, I am a sucker for holiday Hinata 🥺🥺🥺

Tsukishima

His room is decorated to the very minimum simply because his mom and brother had insisted on him being festive

You know those holiday instrumentals that are really calming and jazzy and stuff? Yeah, that’s the only Christmas music he will tolerate in his house

While he’s still got his usual icy demeanor, this blond bitch does get slightly less snippy with the Karasuno boys

Is always on the nose with getting you the exact thing you wanted for a present

Like,,, TO THE SMALLEST DETAIL

You don’t even have to bring that shit up beforehand, he just KNOWS

“Tsukki, how did you—?”

“It’s pretty obvious, with the way that one ad kept showing up on your phone.”

b r u h

How does he pay such good attention without even letting on??

As for his own present, you’ll usually get him two: one gag gift and one more serious gift

His dino plush collection size is partly due to the former’s contributions this time of year

Yes the dinos have names

You exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve with all the team (you made him go) and he saved your more serious one for last

It was a scarf that you’d gotten custom made, which had a Spotify code knitted into the fabric

Scanning the code opened the app to a playlist you’d created especially for him

He got pretty quiet when figuring it out and scrolling through the playlist

Would let out a certified Tsukki Nose Exhale™ when he came across certain songs

The more subdued reaction was expected because it’s Tsukishima

His little chuckles and warmer eyes were enough of a giveaway to tell you he very much enjoyed your gift

But on the walk home, he took the scarf and wrapped it around you both, and then brought his arm around your waist

“Thank you.”

You deadass almost combusted because it was so unexpected??

“You’re welcome. Merry Christmas, Kei”

Way to respond calm and collected 😌👍

But on the inside your body was in freak out mode

He wears the scarf all the time jdfsklfjdsk

Yamaguchi

Take the most tooth rotting fluff you could imagine

And then double that and put a fucking cherry on top

That’s the equivalent of what Christmas is like with Yama Yama

Y’all are like kids in a candy store — literally

For your Christmas dates it’s all about sweets and shared giggles, so frequent trips to the candy and baking isles of the grocery store is a must

Making gingerbread houses, peppermint tasting (mostly trying those different and wild ass candy cane flavors), you name it and it’s there

Stomach aches? I don’t know her

Yeah you do but they go away with enough butterfly kisses 🥰

Tadashi is exceptionally good at decorating gingerbread houses for whatever reason

He put a poll on his instagram between yours and his final products and he won by a landslide

It’s not like yours was necessarily bad, more like he’s just an icing master

You also might have eaten too many gumdrops which left your rooftop lacking in ✨spice✨

But it’s okay because Tadashi donated some of his leftovers to you

He’s such a sweetheart uwu

Please for the love of everything get him something heartfelt as his present

You know those long distance bracelets for couples?

Basically if your s/o taps the icon on the bracelet it’ll send a little vibration to the other person’s as a notice that you’re thinking about them

This boy seeks constant reassurance, and you love to give him his deserved love and validation, so it was the perfect present

It takes a second for him to figure out what it is, but after reading the directions and testing it out, the most adorable smile erupted on his face

And then since you already had yours on, he tapped the little icon again with a giggle

“Hey there”

It becomes common habit to tap it at least once every couple hours

GOD HE IS SO CUTE

He is just so soft this time of year, give him all the love and he will return it tenfold ☺️

Kinoshita

This boy is absolutely an awkward cutie and an avid romantic

Give him the cliches and he will eat em up, no doubt

It naturally gets more apparent around the holidays

He’ll take you on pretty winter walks, give you lots of little gifts (while blushing a hell of a lot), and is just a professional at stumbling upon some mistletoe

Wow wonder how it got there, Hisashi

He’s quite a bit more confident when simply alone with you than in a crowded space

And that definitely shows when he takes you out on a secluded sleigh ride around town

Yeah you heard me

A fuckin’ sleigh ride

Horses and blankets and everything

Don’t even ask how he managed to pull it off, because he loves watching the cogs turn in your head and simply will not give you a straight answer

Of course there’s the nice driver guy who’s there, but in the back alone Kinoshita’s confidence goes 📈📈

Lots of flirting, tons of skimmed touches and shared giggles throughout the ride

I legitimately simp really hard for him

Anyways it was a gorgeous ride through town and super fun

On Christmas Eve you both exchange gifts together and tbh whatever you got him will leave him happy and flustered regardless

But when he opens the wrapping paper to find an entire set of vintage VHS tapes, he’s stunned

He owns a VHS (actually canon!) and honestly loves it to death, and the fact that you’d get him tapes of pretty high quality for his collection meant a lot

Gosh he’s so underrated but a definite sweetheart, give him all the holiday love

Narita

Another underrated bby 🥺

He’s so chill and is pretty open to anything during the holidays, so long as he gets to spend ample time with you, his friends, and his family

Definitely more of an indoor person despite being accepting of most situations

Hence why you thought a cute little indoor winter picnic would be right up his alley

Which it absolutely was 😌✨ nice work

You’d made plans while in secret communications with his family members about the whole thing

He’d been pretty stressed lately with trying to handle his schoolwork, while also helping out others with theirs

Despite being a wonderful tutor, it was clearly becoming a bit overwhelming as he tried to grapple with so much at once

So when he came home one day to find a pristine house with you settled on a blanket in his living room, he was quite surprised

There’s a cheese plate, soda cans in a cute ice box, sandwiches, snacks, a presparked fireplace — you and his family went all out

Really adorable I cannot lie

“I thought you said you were going gift shopping today?”

“I might have maybe lied :P”

So he gives the sweetest little smile and sits across from you

Y’all stay there and talk for hours

After finally getting through everything previously laid out on the blanket spread, you slid him a little rectangular box that he looked at curiously

“Already? I haven’t wrapped yours yet!”

“Mine can wait a bit! Just open yours”

And so he does, and you watch with a face-splitting grin as he looks down in awe

You got tickets to see his favorite rock band in concert while they were on tour

He sprung onto you and pulled you into the tightest hug ever

“Holy shit you’re the best I love you so much how do you get even more loveable every day—!?!l”

It’s a jumble of words but you’re able to put it together and it makes you giggle

He deadass sprints upstairs to go get your gift and make sure that you feel as equally appreciated as he does

In simple words: wholesome holiday sweetness 🥰

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