#the way i would have been so insanely obsessed with you if you existed when i was 12 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

httpdollie · 6 months

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OBSESSIVE FANBOY! CHOSO KAMO X FEM! READER HCS

warning: yandere themes, stalking, dub-con, coercion, breeding, whiny perv!choso, dancer! choso, manipulation, somno, dark content (i’m not responsible for the content you consume)

request are closed for one piece

blank blogs and minors will get blocked ( i check)

Fanboy! Choso who makes kpop choreo and kpop reaction videos on youtube and has a huge fanbase of his own

Fanboy! Choso who found out about you on kpop stan twitter after your group debuted and blew up after your b-side music video was released

Fanboy! Choso quickly fell in love with your beauty and talent as the center and lead vocalist in your group

Fanboy! Choso who loves how contrasting his grunge aesthetic is compared to the soft colours your wore all the time

Fanboy! Choso who’s very openly obsessed with you, to the point where it annoys his brothers sometimes

Fanboy! Choso who has to hide the fact he’s a solo stan on his youtube but watches fancams and edits of you all the time

Fanboy! Choso who’s dedicated and shows up to every single one of your concerts even if it’s not in his country, when he’s been questioned by a fan once he claimed it cause he was interested in making choreo for the group

Fanboy! Choso who’s has a anon account that has over 16.K followers on kpop twitter for having an insane photo card collection and posting selcas and edited fancams and simply being a fan that knows an intense amount about you (but no one cares cause he also posts hand pics)

Fanboy! Choso who forces his brothers so listen to your group and pick a bias and secretly got annoyed when yuji said he also biases you.

Fanboy! Choso who has fans that feed into the delusion that the two of you are soulmates and make fan edits and fanfiction of you guys ( he reads and watches them religiously)

Fanboy Choso who has every version of lightstick you have, his obsession is so bad he had to make new bookshelves to hold all his stuff (seasons greetings packs , postcards, framed pictures, signed shirts, albums and cd’s)

Fanboy! Choso who accidentally made his way into the toxic side of your fandom and made friends with other stan’s and would highkey be a toxic fan and dox anti’s

Fanboy! Choso who goes crazy when you get asked what your type is said your type was alt guys and dark hair, he immediately tweeted how “y/n literally made that comment about me guys!” not realizing his was on his main account…

Fanboy! Choso who almost died when he realized your group member account liked his tweet

Fanboy! Choso who religiously watches variety show and interviews with you because he adores your voice, mannerisms and personality

Fanboy! Choso who stalks your instagram account daily and rewatches your stories and scrolls through your posts

Fanboy! Choso who loses his shit when your manager reached out to him to make choreo for the title track of your first full album, he plays his cards safe and makes a very cute yet alluring

Fanboy! Choso who’s swears luck is on his side when he sees you moving into an apartment complex after working with you, he spotted with a security moving boxes into a lobby and truly started questioning of god existed

Fanboy! Choso who just happened to move to the apartment complex across from yours, acting surprised when you finally bump into each other, he felt like he was insane for doing it but felt so relieved after he saw how you smiled at him; makes him feel like anything is worth it if it’s for you

Fanboy! Choso almost had a heart attack when you dropped by to give him a welcome to the apartment complex by giving him a cake, and coffee mentioning how you’ve seen a couple of his videos and knows what he likes (he thought his cover was blown and almost started crying and apologizing on the spot until you said you want him to help you with choreo)

Fanboy! Choso who has a album on his phone dedicated to you of videos he took while training without you knowing, specifically pics he took and refuses to show to anyone, including his brother

Fanboy! Choso remembers when his ex said he was very hardworking and how she admired it, and hopes he’s good enough for you

Fanboy! Choso who feels so guilty everytime you post, he can’t help but get a hard on

Fanboy Choso who makes choreo for your group for the second time and feels so guilty about making it more sexual than normal but says it’s for a new “sugar and spice” concept for your comeback

Fanboy! Choso who acts so innocent when he grabs your ass or your tits telling you how he didn’t mean to

Fanboy! Choso who’s guilt immediately washed away when he sees you performing such a sexual dance in frilly form fitting dresses, miniskirts and thigh highs all done up like a doll, he felt zero shame in recording

Fanboy! Choso who made cum tributes to your normal pictures

Fanboy! Choso who dyes the a skunk stripe the same colour as yours every comeback (even if you’re wearing a wig or not) as a way of remind him of you

Fanboy! Choso who buys the perfume you wear, spraying it on dirty clothes of yours he stole to smell while he jerks off to panty shots he took, the second he cums he feels so guilty

Fanboy! Choso who sneaks into your room and jerks off to your pretty face and body while you sleep with your panties wrapped around his cock

Fanboy! Choso who can’t help but feel you up, kissing your neck gently, telling you how pretty you look and how talented and beautiful you are whenever you train together

Fanboy! Choso who tampers with your birth control til it’s ineffective so you go off it not knowing why it stopped working

Fanboy! Choso who loses control after you train in a pink miniskirt and white cami with no bra

Fanboy! Chose who loves using you in your sleep, leaving you nice, full and confused for the morning

Fanboy! Choso who can’t stop apologizing while he has you pressed against the couch, hands pinned together with one of his while the other rubs and caresses your tits and tights oh so gently, kissing your neck softly muttering about how sorry he is when he pressed his bulge against your cunt. whimpering about how warm and pretty you are and how good he wants to make ou feel.

“Oh fuck bunny, you’re so tight.” He groaned loudly, watching your eyes shut tight as he pounded you into your couch. “I’m sorry baby, I couldn’t hold back anymore- you look so good in this skirt, and your tits were practically falling out of your shirt like a slut… Ah fuck!” He said, unapologetically. Continuing to slam his thick cock deeper and deeper into you.

You felt your legs tingle as he has them pressed next to your ears, leaning forward pressing a sloppy kiss along your jawline peppering your cheek before kissing your lips, oh so passionately. His eagerness and desire for you practically had you dripping for him when he first lifted your miniskirt.

He picked up the pace, chasing closer and closer to his climax, whimpering and moaning into your mouth. You felt his tip kiss against your cervix, making your toes curl as he reached deep inside your puffy pussy. “I’m gonna cum bunny, fuck! I’m gonna fill this tight little pussy!” He moaned against your lips. feeling you squirm under him squeaking about not being on birth control. Your pushy clenching around him while you panicked, making his heavy dick twitch inside you.

“Choso! Oh my god! Pull out, it’s not safe for me!”

“Oh fuck don’t say that- I can’t stop, baby your practically milking my cock! I’m sorry bunny!” he groaned loudly before pressing his lips against yours, holding you down while his cum flooded your cunt. “I’m sorry, ‘m sorry.” he whispered apologetically. Kissing you more tenderly to show his apology. His actions saying otherwise as you felt him get hard again as pushed his cum deeper inside you.

Fanboy! Choso who begs you to go along with a fantasy for weeks before you actually do it because he was so needy, so you finally go stage with a heart shaped plug in you pretty cunt, making sure you keep your cum inside you when you talk to your fans during a fan meet

Fanboy! Choso who exposes his obsession with you after he blindfolded you and took you to his bedroom, he took it off while he was balls deep inside you begging for you to make him a good daddy

Fanboy! Choso who leaks a sex tape of you all fucked out and dripping with his cum so he can have you all to himself…

#— dolly writes #jjk x reader #jjk smut #choso kamo x reader #choso kamo #choso x reader #kamo choso #kamo choso x reader #yandere jjk #yandere!choso kamo x reader #choso smut #choso kamo smut #kamo choso smut #yandere jujutsu kaisen #— dolly’s dark thoughts 💭

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chixkencxrry · 11 months

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crazy, crazy for loving you

Summary: Loss can make people go insane. (Yandere! Miguel O’hara x Yandere! Fem! Reader)

MINORS DNI

Warning: They’re both insane and a bit immoral. They are both very, very unstable people. This is a dark story of mutual obsession. (Mutual Non-Con Voyuerism, Mutual Masturbation, P in V, Swearwords, Mutual Stalking, Mutual Non-Con Spying, Oral (F receiving), Dark themes, Cockwarming) YOUR CONSUMPTION OF MEDIA IS ON YOU AND YOU ALONE!

When you see him, it's hard to keep your hands at your side and not run to him. It’s hard not to look at the man that wears your dead husband’s face and not weep like a baby. But you know it isn’t him. No, this man with the war in his eyes and fangs of a beast is not your Miguel.

But, God – God, did you wish it was.

So, yes, you were quick to agree to be apart of his little operation. Quick clipping the gizmo onto your wrist. The Spiderman logo spread along your torso like some awful red target. He knew your name, but it was obvious that you didn’t exist in his world. If you had, you were sure they would have been together. No. The you of his world was dead, like the him of your world. It was darkly poetic.

Lyla had taken a liking to you – his AI. She unintentionally helped you keep track of him; you didn’t stalk just keep track.

Then it happened. The fine click that had truly sent your observing of Miguel corrupt into something else, something darker.

Something had caused the collapse of your world. It was a war, much like the great Titan on EARTH-199999. Your world crumbled before you; you already didn’t have much left after the death of your Miguel but now you had nothing left.

When the collapse of it came, you were not on the battlefield with the other Avengers. You had been in the cemetery, fingers clawing into Miguel’s grave – determined to bury yourself in there with him. The cold mud coated your hands and body, knee digging in. You were about two feet deep, mad with intent.

“Y/N?”

The word stilled you. It was Miguel, you turned your head in a horrible hopefulness. Disappointment settled on your shoulders, in some half-mad frenzy, you’d thought it was your Miguel. But it wasn’t it was Miguel.

“Leave me alone.” you growled. “My world is dying.”

“You don’t have to.”

I died when you did.

“I’m right here, Y/N.”

“No.” you muttered, fingers in the dirt. “You’re below. I’m getting you out.”

A warm body dropped down, covering your back and pushing you forward. You wiggled and fought but felt a pinch at the side of your neck. Your mania subsided, a false peace overwhelming you. Before you knew it, you collapsed in the mud.

It had taken weeks of manic behaviour. They had to sedate you to get you to calm down – barricade and and chain you to stop you from attacking. You’d gone mad.

When Miguel came to visit you, you’d taken a turn for the better.

“I heard you broke Spiderman 8077’s jaw.” Miguel doesn’t seem amused. He stands over you – through the fizzing cage that electrocutes you everytime you touch it. You can’t bring yourself to snarl or fight. You look at him – flesh, bone, hope.

“He tried to make me forget.”

Miguel flinched. “He suggested something to help you sleep.”

“If I sleep, I forget him.”

“It doesn’t work like that.” Miguel’s tone was soft and low. You closed your eyes and imagined being home in your apartment, the record player on and rain falling. Miguel dancing with you, dipping you low and laughing on your skin.

The daydream dissolves when you hear the click of your cell open. His voice of stone ordered; “Lay down.”

Instinct, really – the way you move to the cot and wiggle until your back hits the wall. The bed shakes as Miguel’s massive frame sets itself on the bed. He held you, pulling you close. He smelt like your Miguel. Felt like him too. But were all rugged edges compared to the softness of the man you were married to. Your fingers threaded in his hair, snagging a few by accident to bring them to your nose. You tucked some strands into your suit. For later.

For the first time in years, sleep came to you with ease. With that ease came the confirmation of what a gift reuniting with this different Miguel was. You had a second chance. Now, it was time to make use of it. Properly.

***

Miguel had started watching you when your world collapsed and you’d transition to his universe. Now, it wasn’t that he hadn’t been stalking – following – shit – observing you before. He’d just wanted you to get used to the Universe first. Ensuring you had a good identity, a day job and income.

You’d been grateful. So, very grateful.

He imagined that gratitude as something baser, raw and trembling. But he knew not to test the hand of fate. Yet he hungered for you. The devotion you’d shown to your husband, a version of him, was indescribably delicious. He wanted that for himself. Wanted you, all tears, all love. Each aspect of you a memorising thing; greed flooded him at the thought of claiming you.

It seemed like fate to offer you the guest room of his apartment. He hadn’t used it in years, and it was a waste not to let you in. You’d jumped at the opportunity – a perfect gift. You didn’t know what you were doing to him. Yes. Having you in his house, showering, eating, naked, open – mierda!

He took a deep breath to cool himself down. You were still at the dorm quarters of HQ, significantly more sane than you were a week ago when the two of you first slept together. Your scent still lingered in his mind. Lilies and cucumbers, fresh and vibrant. Thick and rich, god – he wanted more of that. More of the security of holding you. More of having you have him. The feel of your body curled into his, the softness of your silk skin breaking the delicate thread of his self-control.

Miguel looked at the room he’d allotted to you. Climbing to a corner to screw in a non-reflective camera. Getting you here was the first step and he was a patient man. Miguel had to make sure the apartment looked lived in. Making sure that some floorboards creaked, chipped at some paint on the walls, and ensured there was a leaky faucet in the guest bath.

His watch dinged. Fifteen minutes away.

Lyla flickered into existence. “Wow. This violates so many laws.”

“Didn’t ask.” he grumbled, wrenching open a panel of the wall to place a listening device.

“You get that for free.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Anamolly on Earth-7834, they need backup.”

“There are thousands of other Spiders to call.” He placed a nail between his teeth, hammering the panel back on.

“Yeah, well, Y’N asked for you.”

That made him pause. Swearing, he hurriedly put the panel back and suited up, tapping his gizmo and falling into a different dimension.

***

You only felt a little bad for deceiving Lyla.

Sure, Miguel would probably be pissed when he found out that you had lied and made his AI lie to him with some clever coding but it would be worth it in the end when the two of you were finally together. You just couldn’t get out of HQ unnoticed without some sort of distraction. So, you figured what could be better than calling in a favour with a friend you’d made while traversing Universes? Felicia was more than willing to play the part, ever wanton for chaos.

She helped you cause a minor anomaly which sent off enough of the Spiders off and allowed you to sneak into Miguel’s apartment. You looked for the master – the only room with a photo in it, one of him and his passed daughter. It broke your heart to know the pain he’d experienced. But you knew you were here now and more than willing to provide comfort and a new child. You’d even let him name the first one.

You weren’t here for that. You were here to plant a few presents. Sticking to his bedroom ceiling, you planted a camera in the corner, near his closet. In his bathroom, by his shower and mirror – you planted another one.

Time was limited. You knew the false alarm would only give you a short time. Before you left, you went through his closet, nose dug into his clothing and inhaling his scent. Sandalwood and oud. God, the earthiness sent a shiver down your spine. Unable to control yourself, you snatched a T-shirt and left through the window. You have five minutes left until your proposed arrival. Five minutes until Miguel consensually lets you into his home.

Foolish boy.

If only he knew what you had in store for him.

***

Miguel hurriedly returned home. Frustration laced his sojourn, as he tried to figure out just how Lyla had mistaken you calling out the anomaly of you being there and requesting his help. It was probably some bug. A minor thing he would fix after he greeted you.

One minute left.

He was cutting it close, climbing through his window and showering as fast as possible. He hadn’t even had time to dry himself off when the doorbell rang, pulling clothes on with wet skin.

“She’s here!” chimed Lyla, a little too cheerfully.

Miguel rolled his eyes. “No soy sordo, Lyla.”

When he opened the door, you were standing there with just two bags and a smile on your full lips. Eyes fluttering up at him with thick lashes and a soft look; “Hey.”

“Come in,” he welcomed without preamble. Miguel purposefully kept the space for you to pass narrowly. You were shorter than him and plush as you passed, buttocks jamming him slightly as you turned your back to pass in. Your toes shoved behind your feet to slip out of your shoes without him asking, he forgot for a moment that you knew him, even if it was another version. There were parts of himself you probably knew better than anyone did.

That made him excited.

“Your apartment is lovely.” You said earnestly. “Where do I put my bags?”

He moved to you, taking the bags and walking ahead to lead you to the guest room. It wasn’t bad. A queen-sized bed and all other necessities for a room. Miguel gestured to the opened door, “That’s the bathroom.Might give you some trouble but you’re welcome to use me – I mean mine anytime.”

You didn’t seem to catch him fumbling – ayúdame dios – walking around the room to get a better view. In the dim light, you looked fantastic, the neon of the outside shining on your skin and the expanse of your perfect skin exposed in those tiny shorts you wore.

Jealously bloomed in his chest. Had you fucking worn those on your walk here? How many people saw you? How many men had seen you in this way? Feral rage gripped him. Miguel set your bags down in the doorway, stepping back before he did something violent.

“You eat yet?” the question came out as a snappish growl which seemed to startle you. He cringed. He didn’t want you to fear him – he just wanted you to know your place as his.

Your brows furrowed. “You good, Miguel?”

“I’m dandy, princesa.”

A delicious blush bloomed on your skin. The honey was not enough to stop it from beaming forward. He wanted to drag his tongue down – to see how far this blush went. “I-I haven’t eaten yet.”

He smiled a slow, easy grin. “I’ve got some food in the kitchen. Eat with me?”

“Sure.”

Dinner went by slowly. Not in an awkward manner but it was agonising all the same. Agonsing to watch you sit across from him, agonising not to touch you, agonising not bit into your flesh and claw into your pussy with his hard cock.

His patience wore thin but he maintained.

The two of you had drinks afterwards, sitting on the couch until it grew too late. You yawned, hands stretching to the ceiling and pointed breasts jotting out through the cotton of your tank top. Your hoodie was abandoned somewhere. He eyed the pleasant curves of your body, the grooves that came from you being Spider-Woman and the softness that came from your natural figure.

“I’m gonna take that shower.” You announced. “Thank you for letting me stay with you, Miguel…I really appreciate it.”

Could you appreciate it with your mouth around his cock? “Of course. Anything for you. Y/N.”

You smiled prettily scampering off into your room. Miguel wasted no time in heading to his own, pulling up a camera feed from your bathroom. He sighed, watching you undress. You were humming along to something, hips shaking and hands running down your body.

He raised his hips, shoving his sweatpants down. His half-hard length plopping out. Fingers encircled the base, rubbing up and down as he watched you move.

You stepped into the shower and he switched the cameras. You sodded your body up, perfect nipples hard and hand slipping between your thighs. You rubbed yourself frantically. Rolling your nipple under your palms as you humped your fingers.

Miguel turned the volume up, his own cock coated in his special essence as he watched you. His hand became frenzied, tighter as it took him closer to an orgasm. His peak came as your voice sounded the last thing he expected to hear.

His own name.

“Meirda…Y/N…you want me too, baby?” He coated himself, groaning as you slumped on the video. You shook off your climax and finished showering, stepping out with a glow. He restarted the video, turning the volume louder – thankful for his soundproof room.

The knowledge that this wasn’t one-sided set something off in him. He threw his head, stroking himself from top to bottom. Desire coiled in his belly, like a snake ready to pounce.

Who was he to deny your wants, princesa?

***

Your fingers rapped on Miguel’s door somewhere close to midnight. You’d timed it perfectly. Your fearless leader hardly slept anyway so you were sure you wouldn’t be intruding. After all, you were sick? Weren’t you? The pills weren’t working, you needed to sleep. You hadn’t slept properly since that night. Lies concocted to make it all work. You just had to maintain your facade of innocence.

You smiled, thinking of Miguel’s little performance for you on your camera. You’d seen him stroke himself over and over at some random video feed. You saw his thick seed spurt out. Saw the girth of his length twitch to life. Fuck. You wanted that.

“Y/N?” Miguel’s voice was hoarse with sleep. You softened your face and frowned. “Did I wake you up? I’m so sorry…I just couldn’t sleep and you’d helped me that night…”

Ever generous, he opened his door wider to let you in. He’d changed form his earlier sweatpants. No doubt it was covered in his own spunk. A shame, really. “Of course, come inside. I’ll get another blanket for you.”

“Oh no.” You showed him the lilac blanket you’d brought with you from HQ. “I have my own.”

“Hmm.” He led you to the bed and slipped behind you to spoon you as easily as he had that night. You hummed, wiggling against him. You made sure to throw your blanket on both of you. You heard Miguel groan behind you, his body shifting and arms holding you close.

The synthetic material was interwoven with your pheromones, wired to set Miguel off. That night he had slept with you, you had plucked hair enough to get his DNA to pattern it so that it made him rut like a beast in heat. It was a chance you were taking. It would only work if Miguel wanted you too – if only a little You grinned, smiling as your payment boiled up. Miguel would be yours, it was what was best.

Even if he didn’t know it yet.

Hours passed. You laid awake listening to him torture himself. Your patience grew thin. Why didn’t the idiot just hold you down and fuck you yet? “Miguel?” You whispered. “Everything alright?”

He murmured in Spanish, nothing clear enough for you to even hear. His hand, large and spanning, set itself on your hip.

You ground your ass into his crouch. “Miguel?”

“Cállate princesa,” he growled in a tone that made your toes curl. An excited smile spread across your face. “I need to take a walk.”

That made your smile drop. “Now? It’s so late.”

He didn’t say anything, his weight lifting from the bed as he went to hurriedly dress. His back turned to you as he tried to be modest. Your eyes dropped to his round ass. Was he really going to go out and fuck some bitch after you did all the work? Not on your watch.

“Miguel,” you dropped your tone, low and purring. “Come back to bed.”

He turned his head, eyes red as they flickered over you. “I don’t think that’s wise.”

Was he afraid of losing control? How adorable. You sat up, letting the blanket fall from you, the muscle shirt that was three sizes too big fell off your arm exposing an entire breast to him. You were being desperate but you’d be damned if he wasn’t going to rearrange your guts tonight.

He paused, staring at you. You almost grinned. That seemed to do it.

He dropped the t-shirt he held and crawled over to you, pressing his forward to your as he inhaled your scent. “Tell me this is real.”

Oh.

You desperate thing. How I will devour you, How I will keep you. “It's real. I need you, Mig. I want you.”

His lips slammed onto yours. Tongue piercing the seam of your lips to kiss you fully. His hands pawed at your body, grabbing and groping at everything. Your sleep shirt was ripped in half as he claimed total access to your body. Your hands touched him everywhere, settling on the hump of his buttocks, pulling it close to your hips. You rubbed your bare crouch against his sweat, humping him with blind need.

Miguel pushed you back, your head hitting a pillow as you watched him take his cock out. The fat, beautiful thing you’d been dreaming about riding since you met him. There wasn’t anytime for preamble – you wouldn’t suck the beautiful thing just yet.

He stroked himself for a moment, red eyes boring into you as he lowered his face between your legs. Miguel ate you sloppily. Lips smacking and tongue licking, he sucked your swollen clit, pressing his index in and out of your weeping pussy.

You gripped his head, arching your back as your thrust your hips up, truth spilled from you: “Eat me so good, Miguel. Fuck, you don’t know how long I wanted this.”

He was too busy enjoying his meal to respond. The lewd noises making you tremble as much as the act. Miguel’s fangs brushed against your folds, before he fucked your pussy with his tongue, pressing his dampened fingers to rub your clit as he licked your insides.

Clenching around his head, your mouth spewed all manner of dark desires, the height of your arousal squirting all along his face. Words failed you as he continued to worship your pussy with his mouth and fingers.

He raised his head for a moment. His left hand cupped your tit for him to suck while his other fingered you to your second orgasm. Thumb rubbing your clit in precise circles as he bit and sucked your areola. Faster than the first, you mewled your orgasm out on his fingers. Miguel let your nipple fall, watching you as he sucked his fingers dry. He sat on his hunches, leaning back as you writhed, quivering pussy begging for more. Begging for his cock.

“You look pretty like this princesa, pretty falling apart in my bed for me. You want me to fuck you now? Want me to spread this pussy wide? Want me to make you fucking bawl? Beg for it, baby.” His face read of cruelty while his lips purred to you. You watched helpless as Miguel looked down on you. One of his hands stretched forward to your wanting hole and slapped it. You whimpered. He grinned and slapped it again.

“I want you to know something before I fuck you,” he whispered, leaning forward, mushroom tip brushing along the seam of your slit. “You’re mine, princesa. You’re my puta. My perra, zorra. Mi amor. Mi todo. And I’m greedy, so when I fuck you – know that it's all over. I become your world and you become mine.”

You bit your lip. The words fell like poetry in your haze: you were truly made for each other. Did he even know how perfect he was for you?

“Ye…s.” You croaked out. “Yes, Miguel.”

His hips snapped, bottoming out into you so hard you screamed against his laughter.

***

Was this heaven?

Miguel had long since thought he was banned from such a place. Long since thought salvation was removed from him. But right now, while he held your waist and fucked his cock into you – he knew he had found it. You looked divine. Your mouth agape and hands rubbing all over him. Your breasts, bounced and full as he made his mark in you. He wanted every groove of his cock known by your pussy. His cock was to be imprinted, moulded into you. You were to know no other but his by the time he was done fucking the common sense out of you.

“My pretty cock dumb, princesa.”

You hummed, heels digging to his ass as his hips snapped. You squeezed him tight but he knew he was leaving marks on your body as he fucked you into his mattress. “Gonna keep you on my cock every day. You'd like that wouldn’t you, perra?”

“Love t-that.” Nails scrapped his back. “G-Gonna cum.”

He could feel that in the tightening of your pretty cunt. The slimy stickiness of your desire echoed in the room, he pinched your nipple making you cry out. “I know, princesa. Do that for me. Cum on my cock.”

Miguel felt your climax, wet and whimpering. You cried beneath him, overstimulated as he fucked you. He fondled your breast once more, hand going between the two of you. He rubbed your sensitive clitoris, smirking as you moaned from the ache. “Good girl. So pretty crying like that. Think you can go again?”

You shock your head, tears forming in your eyes. He felt his balls grow tight but kept at your clit. You shuddered at another shockwave. Finally, he thought leaning forward to cover you until your breasts smashed against his chest. His own release came, loosening the taut feeling that had centred his whole body. Miguel’s hips jerked, making sure his seed took its rightful place in you.

When he tried to roll off, you kept him on. He looked at you questioning.“Don’t want any to drip out just yet.”

“No chance of that,” he muttered, kissing your neck. His hips jerked, as he found himself in a slow rhythm. “I’m not nearly done with this pussy yet.”

***

“I don’t think I’ve ever visited this universe.” you pointed out at one of the monitors. It was an Earth without a Spider-persona filled with cannibals.

Miguel looked to your side and grimaced. “Fuck no.”

You rolled your eyes. “What’s the sense of me being here if not to go to unknown places?”

Miguel huffed, hand sneaking under the skirt of your dress. “Princesa, you came here because you saw me talking to a female Spider-persona and then insisted on warming my cock for the rest of the afternoon.”

“So?” You waved your hand. He was lucky you didn’t her to that universe. Perky little bitch was looking a little too googly-eyed at him. “Maybe I was bored. You ever thought of that?”

“You can always go back out on the field.” He suggested.

You snorted, rolling your hips to make him hiss. His cock twitched, surrounded by your leaking cunt. “The last time I went on a mission I thought you were going to kill my poor partner.”

“He was being a little too friendly.”

“Honey,” Miguel’s hand slipped inside the front of your dress, popping out your full breasts as he slowly rocked up into you. “Peter from Earth-997845 is very much engaged to Johnny Storm.” You wouldn’t mind going out again but you were so comfortable living simply with Miguel and helping him manage HQ. Who was he even talking to? He hadn’t gone on a mission for the months you two had started seeing each other either.

“You’re a hyp–” he stood up, making you bend over the desk, your breasts hitting the cool metal, he pressed the side of your face down as he slowly plunged in and out of you. “–ocrite.”

“Me?” He grunted, hands going up and down your sides as he took his time dragging his cock. “You’re the one who assaulted me in my office just so you could fill it up with your scent. You don’t think I know your tricks, zorra?”

You grinned, working your hips to meet him. “You better make me squirt a few times – just to make sure the scent takes then.”

Miguel chuckled above you, his talons ripping open your dress as he made good on your challenge.

MASTERLIST

I'll probably make this a reoccurring thing. Hope you guys liked part 1. Reblogs and comments are nice.

#miguel o’hara x reader #black!reader #miguel o hara x reader #miguel o’hara fanfiction #yandere! miguel o’hara #yandere reader #yandere! miguel o'hara x reader #dark fanfiction #miguel o'hara smut #miguel o'hara imagines #spiderman #miguel o hara smut #miguel o hara #yandere miguel o'hara #yandere Miguel ohara

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ghostofwriting · 9 days

Text

Kildare Split Part Four: in another life

Rafe Cameron x reader

Chapter 4: in another life

Note: Here's part four!! I'm still crying over TTPD. Down bad is so incredibly Rafeit's insane. Anyway!! I love you all so much, thank you for reading and being absolutely wonderful. This part covers the smau up until part 26. Good luck soldiers!!

Warnings: none, not edited, angst, swearing, sadness, julio, mentions of drugs, mentions of suicidal ideation.

Word Count: 6,722

Synopsis: Everyone has noticed that there's been a shift in how Kildare Split acts around each other. Rafe and Y/N used to be so close, they were always pictured together, and always shared stories of each other and for the last few years, there has been nothing from them. A behind-the-scenes look at what went down between everyone's favourite band.

Chapter 4: in another life

It’s a nightmare. Everything feels off. The walls are caving in. His mouth feels as if he had chewed on cotton balls for the past hour. It’s spinning. He’s lost control of himself and he doesn’t know how he’ll get it back.

It started because of the thought of them together. Forever. Married. Having kids and living happily ever after clawed and his chest and ate him from the inside out. It was an ugly feeling. He wanted to be happy for her. There was no way he could be. Not when he was so deeply in love with her. Not that he ever stopped.

It was just one blunt. He stole it from Barry. He was careful not to disturb any of the other drugs he had in there. Careful not to look at them too long. He’s been good. Has been clean for more than two years without any missteps. And here he is high once again. It’s just weed he tells himself. It’s fine. He’s fine.

They’re about to go onstage when Sofia loses her mind. She goes absolutely ballistic. He’s pulling her off to the side away from prying eyes.

“Stop. Relax. Let me explain.” Everything comes out in a jumble as he’s trying to balance his damn guitar and get her to stop flailing her arms everywhere.

“There’s no explaining anything. We are over. We are so done, Rafe. Holy shit I cannot believe I put up with your crazy obsession with your friend who by the way you didn’t even date. You’re insane.”

“Can you calm down for a second?”

“No! For your information Rafe. She doesn’t want you! She’s moved on! And we could have too but no. You’re here still pining over something that doesn’t exist. You are so incredibly disrespectful to me. I have been nothing but supportive of you. And I have put up with so much shit from you so much hatred because what? Did I take you away from her? You chose me! You left her. And now I’m leaving you.”

“Sofia-“

“The way you have treated me the last couple of months with your album release and hinting that it’s about her? Do you have any idea how that makes me look? How it makes me feel? You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

“That’s not true.”

“Oh! Sorry! You and her! And barely even yourself, you know how I know?” She looks at him, volcanic ash in her eyes. “Because you’re fucking high right now!”

“Keep your voice down.” He pulls her deeper into the corner they’re standing in.

“Fuck you, Rafe. I loved you. I did. I thought that once she moved on, we would be okay. I was wrong. Do not sabotage this for her. She’s happy. You’re not good enough for her. And not for me.”

She does a 180 and storms off away from backstage and away from him. He looks up and Topper is staring at him from where he stands beside Sarah, her hand is on his arm, a look of concern on her face. He shakes his head at them and turns to the stairs that lead to the stage. He spots Y/N and Julio, they’re talking quietly to each other, he sees her laugh and touch Julio’s face, and he kisses the palm of her hand.

Fuck this. He runs back to the green room. He knows he left it around here somewhere and he knows where the lighters are. He digs through three of Barry’s jackets before he finds the blunt. Barry must have moved it. When he pulls it out, a plastic baggie with four white pills comes up with it. He thinks about putting them back. He wants to put them back. He hears the 5-minute warning, stuffs the baggie in his jeans and runs to find a lighter.

+++

There’s something off about Rafe. She notices when they begin their second song. He’s swaying more than usual, coming up and singing to her face a little too closely.

It must be because they’re trying to be friends. And maybe the fight with Sofia. It was pretty nasty the way she went at him. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, the crowd and music drowning them out. Sofia looked upset. She must have cooled off because she’s in the audience standing next to Sarah. Not that their manager would allow her to leave even if she wanted to. It would cause too much speculation online and that’s something they don’t need more of.

She hasn’t had to protect Julio from how Rafe and her used to act on stage, during their no-talking years, they still put on an act but it was nowhere near the level of how they acted pre-everything. They were pretty heavy on the PDA, without confirming anything of course. It was more like singing into each other's mics while staring longingly into each other’s eyes. A lot of heavy petting, she would drape herself around Rafe, Rafe would swing her around and carry her. They would practically make out on stage every show. They did everything but have sex. It’s no wonder the theories and rumours started.

Post everything that went down, they tamed it and kept it to their side of the stage unless they were switching over. They didn’t share a mic and looking at each other too long was off-limits. And now, well now, it looks like Rafe wants to sing into her mouth with the way he gets closer and closer. Julio knows about their past and he knows that she would never do anything to hurt him but this is a little much. She doesn’t want to rub anything in his face or make him feel disrespected. She also can’t diss Rafe on stage. They have an act. They’re all best friends and nothing bad has ever happened between them.

So she plays along. And she sings into his mic, she whips her hair in his face and he sings over her shoulder. They’re closer than they’ve ever been. This should be a fun one to look at online. At some point, her shirt comes off. She’s a little angry at Rafe’s immediate switch-up. She feels that since they’re just figuring out how to be friends, he could give it a rest and not go all out. So her shirt comes off. It got stuck on the mic stand, she got pissed off that it ripped a little and she took it off, throwing it into the crowd. At some point Rafe is not even fully on the stage anymore, he’s lying down looking up at her as he plays his guitar. She’s standing over him, singing into the mic and playing the bass all while wondering what the hell has gotten into him.

Security is going insane over Rafe hanging off the stage and people are trying to grab his legs. Sarah is diving into the crowd trying to get a shot of what’s happening on stage. She kind of wants the show to be over but at the same time, it’s the most fun she’s had on stage in a while.

+++

Trying to find their footing after not being friends for three years, that much is clear. One moment he’s trying to make out with her onstage and the next he can barely look at her. It has been a little bit harder than she thought it would be.

It’s strangely painful. The realization that they can’t go back to how they were before anything happened. She knew it wouldn’t be easy but these awkward silences might kill her.

She’s sitting between Topper and Rafe, staring directly at Barry’s bored face as Ash explains who kows what. Something about which celebrities and important label heads are coming to tonight’s show.

She didn’t care about the label heads. One of their most important shows had been the one two days ago. Their friends had all flown in from different places to see them. Now back in the city she calls home, that’s still all that matters.

Cleo and Pope flew in from New York, John B and JJ had flown in from Hawaii. JJ would be leaving almost immediately after to continue training for the next big surf competition and John B would be staying at Sarah’s. Julio was at her house, she didn’t want him to have to spend the entire day at rehearsals so she told him to come by when he was ready. Ward was around somewhere too, probably with Sarah and John B. Kelce was at his hotel and would be arriving later with Kie after he got her from the airport, the only one that had missed the last show. It was an important show for them because of their people not because of some random celebrity they didn’t know.

After the show, they would go to one of their favourite bars to celebrate and then she would be off to North Carolina for a week before moving to Madrid for the foreseeable future.

She was so excited to be there a bit before Julio started filming so they could visit his friends and family.

After Ash is done running them through the guest list, they have some downtime before their private soundcheck and the fan soundcheck. Fan Soundcheck is her favourite because they get to play some deep cuts and answer some fun questions.

They’re standing backstage as one of their stagehands announces they’ll be out in three minutes. They’re standing in a circle making sure that their in-ears are on. Barry and Topper bickering about some random thing.

“Ready, buddy?” She looks at Rafe, her eyebrow raised as Barry laughs.

“Buddy? Good one.” Topper laughs as Rafe’s face turns red.

“Okay yeah, I’ll never say that again.”

“Please,” she laughs, “let’s go.” She leads the guys onto the stage as their fans start screaming.

They play a song right off the bat and then sit down for a few questions.

Everything is going fine, the mood is great, they’re all vibing with each other on stage, it’s great. Right up until it’s not.

“Hi, my name is Sammy, my question is for Y/N.” She smiles at the girl and waves.

“Hi Sammy, I remember you! You saw our last show too,” she speaks into the microphone.

“Hi! Oh my goodness yes. I drove here from San Francisco after getting tickets last minute.” The girl rambles. “Okay, so I was wondering, what are you most looking forward to doing on your break?” She mulls over the question before answering.

“I’m going to be semi-moving to Spain for a while so probably just exploring the city.” Sammy nods and thanks her as the mic is passed to the next person.

Something shifts on stage after that question. She doesn’t know if she missed something or what, but suddenly the mood is tense. Barry’s in between her and Rafe and she can still feel the tension coming off him in waves.

After the last question, they played one more song and bid the fans goodbye, telling them they would see them in a few hours for the show.

Barry goes and does whatever Barry does before a show, Rafe storms off and Topper follows him. She looks over at her guitar tech who just shrugs his shoulders and takes her guitar from her.

She texts Julio asking when he will be getting to the arena. When she doesn’t receive an answer, she sits in the green room, with no idea where the boys are.

She dozes off for an hour before her phone blows up with texts from Rafe. She opens Julio’s message first, telling her that he would leave her house in an hour. Then she goes to Rafe’s texts, saying something along the lines of needing to talk to her. She sees that she has notifications from Twitter as well and opens those. From Rafe too.

“I need you”

“Please don’t go”

“Y/N”

What is he doing? They just talked about trying to be friends, she knows about his feelings but he can’t go around blowing up her phone. He’s just sad about Sofia, how could he expect her to stay after he confessed to her that he still had feelings for his ex who wasn’t really his ex?

She asks him what he’s doing and he asks to meet her. She tells him no, and that it’s too late to d this. Too late in the day, too late because the show is about to start, and too late because she’s going and she doesn’t want him.

After telling Cleo to haul ass to the arena. Needing to speak to her about the Rafe of it all. She runs to the bus to hide. She doesn’t want to see him so she’ll avoid the arena.

She doesn’t think about how if he doesn’t find her inside, he’ll look for her on the bus.

“Y/N?” She hears him call. She’s in her bunk, curtain drawn and holding her breath. He walks closer and stands in front of her bunk. She can see his shadow.

“I know you’re in there.” She stays quiet still. “Please talk to me.” She sighs, not able to deny him when he sounds so sad.

She draws the curtain open and meets his eyes.

“We talked about this.”

“No, we talked about how I would try to be your friend. Not how you’re going to move away with your boyfriend.”

“What did you expect me to do? Sit at home alone for however long the break ends up being?”

“No, I thought we could hang out when we were both home and repair our friendship or whatever.”

“Rafe, I can’t do that. I won’t put my life on hold for you anymore.”

“Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just feel the same way? Why won’t you love me?”

She’s surprised by his words. For the first time, she looks at him. Takes in his dishevelled appearance, his jittering hands, and the dilation of his pupils.

“Are you high?” she swings herself off her bed to get as much distance between them as possible.

“No.” He’s lying.

“What the fuck Rafe? Why would you do this to yourself?”

“Because I’m fucking sad okay? And I don’t want to feel anything.” She can’t believe he would go down this road again, after being clean for so long. She can’t believe he would be around her like this. Not when he knows how many bad memories it brings.

“You have to leave. You have to get away from me.”

“Y/N.” His voice cracks.

“No. You know my history, the shit I have been through because of drugs. You know it very well actually. I don’t need to be around your erratic behaviour. It’s triggering, it hurts me.” Her voice is firm.

“Okay. I’m sorry.” he backs up turning around quickly and storming off the bus.

She sits back down, her hands slightly shaking. If he’s using again, she doesn't know if she can have him in her life.

+++

He’s happy Sarah’s the one that finds him. He’s spread out on the floor. The curtain covers him from the fans' curious eyes. The stage is quiet, with only a few people coming and going. The rest of the crew’s at dinner.

“What are you doing?” She stares from above him.

“Laying.” He mumbles

“Are you not going to come eat dinner?” She points behind her in the direction of the lunch room.

“Not hungry.”

“What’s wrong?

“Sad.” He sees the annoyance at his one-word answers cross her face.

“Rafe, full sentences please.”

“Y/N told me to go away. That she couldn’t be around me.” She crouches down next to him.

“I thought you two were trying to be friends?” she questions.

“I ruined it.” He can feel himself well up.

“How?”

“By being high.”

“You are not.” she kneels left to him now, grabbing his face roughly and bringing it so his eyes are aligned with hers.

“I am.” She looks angry at him. He feels tears start to gather. God, why does he make the women he cares most about in his life so upset?

“You can’t be high. You’re an addict.”

“Just weed. Nothing more.”

“I don’t care if it’s just weed. It’s not just weed for you. It’s a slippery slope. You go from weed to forgetting you’re sober, to cocaine.”

“I’m sorry.” The pity in her look makes his stomach twist.

“Let’s go get you cleaned up before the show. You need food and to sober up.”

“I’ll be sad though.” She stands up, extending her hand out for him to take.

“You’re high and sad, I don’t think it helped.”

“That’s what the cocaine is for.” He jokes, it doesn’t earn him a laugh, just a scowl.

“Don’t even joke about that.”

Maybe he can get drunk after the show, then he’ll forget how sad he is.

+++

The show goes off without a hitch. They are all smiles, dripping with sweat as they take the final bow of the tour. Tears are prickling her eyes as she looks over at Topper. His smile was big and shining. She looks at Rafe and he’s messing with Barry’s hair, a burst of laughter leaving him as Barry jumps on his back. Barry waves to the crowd as Rafe piggybacks him off. Topper grabs her hand and pulls her off the stage, waving one last time before they can’t be seen anymore.

Julio waits for her, a huge grin on his face and his arms wide open for her to run into. Once she lets go of him, she hugs Cleo and then Pope, and then she’s tackled by JJ, Kie, and John B.

“You all killed it!” JJ yells in her ear, making her jolt back.

“Fucking best show we’ve ever played!” Topper screams, coming up to her and hugging her. Barry joins the hug putting his sweaty arms around them both. Rafe hesitantly joins the group hug.

“Another successful tour,” he says, his eyes catching hers in the huddle. She smiles softly.

“Let’s go party!” Kie screams from down the hallway where she’s started to walk away.

Everyone starts cheering and following her lead. She finds Julio’s hand as they make their way to gather their stuff and leave the arena.

+++

He spots Julio come in through the back doors of the club, Y/N hanging off his arm, her lips swollen. His eyes soften when he looks at her. He sees how much he loves her, and how he would never hurt her. He would go to the ends of the world for her. And he hates him. He can’t stand that she’s not hanging off his arm. That he’s not the one kissing her against a brick wall outside a sleazy bar.

Sofia’s gone. They’re done. And he’s hurting for the relationship that he could have had if he had let go of Y/N. Not that he ever could have. It wasn’t in the cards for him. A world where he wasn’t irrevocably in love with her didn’t exist.

“You okay?” Sarah comes up next to him, planting her hands on the table to steady herself.

“I’m high again.” He confesses.

“Rafe, we talked about this.”

“I get that I just can’t stop. Everything hurts.” They look of pity from earlier returns.

“You need to stop.” He looks past her to where Y/N is.

“It’s just weed.”

“You don’t get to do weed. It’s not just weed to you. Slippery slope remember?

“I know.”

“I’m here for you. I think you need to go back to rehab. Either before you tour or after. It needs to be sooner rather than later. I’ll drive you there myself.” She offers.

The idea of going back to rehab irks him. He’s not as bad as he was last time. He has control over it. At least that’s what he tells himself.

“I don’t know how to be okay watching her be with someone else.” Sarah looks behind her at Y/N with Julio. Her smile lit up the room. Her laugh was music to his ears.

“You don’t get to break down about this. You made your choice. Let her be happy. you need to focus on staying sober, you heal, and you move on.”

“How?” He can’t rip his eyes away from the couple. Wishing with everything in him that it was him with her.

“By being her friend, Rafe.” She pats him on the back. He watches as she follows Topper out the back door where Y/N and Julio had come through earlier.

Everything he and Sarah talked about flies out the window when Julio of all people see him standing there with a little bag full of who knows what that Barry gave him. Barry’s drunk and high, that’s one of the only reasons he gave it to him. Barry would kill him any other time.

He’s been toying around with the idea of just doing it. Taking all these pills and getting it over with.

“You probably shouldn’t take those.” Rafe side glances at him but doesn’t speak.”

“If you’re doing that shit you shouldn’t be around her.” Rafe doesn’t like him and he likes him even less when he tells him if he can or can’t be around Y/N.

“Mind your business.” He barks out.

“This is my business, you know why? Because she’s my business. And she’s a recovering addict too, Rafe. Or did you forget?” He shrugs.

“Look, I don’t care if you care about your sobriety. But we both know you care about her enough not to risk hers. So if you’re going to do that shit, don’t bring it around her. And stay away from her.” This is the angriest he has ever heard the dark-haired man.

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do on my tour with my friends.” Deep down he knows Julio’s right. Right now he doesn’t care what the man says. He wants to fight him.

“Do whatever the hell you want with yourself, I’m asking you to please, stay away from Y/N if you’re going to do drugs.”

“So you’re isolating her now too.”

“What does that mean?” Julio looks at him, one eyebrow raised, lips tight.

“You’re going to take her away. You’re taking her away from her family and her friends, to live in a country where she knows nobody. What kind of boyfriend does that?”

“I’m taking her away from you, right?”

“Yeah, you are.” The words spill from him before he can even think of denying them.

“She isn’t anyone’s to take away. She makes her own decisions and she chose to be with me.” Julio saying shit like that makes him feel like he thinks he’s the best option. The best man out there.

“Shut up. You’re not better than me just because you say that stuff.”

“I’m not better than anyone, just let her be.” He doesn’t say anything. Julio stands up.

“You had your chance. Let her go.” He stays quiet. Julio starts to walk away.

“I can’t.” He sees as Julio’s steps stutter.

“I’m going to fight for her.”

“There’s nothing left to fight for.” He walks away. Back into her arms. Where he wishes he could be.

+++

The two weeks back home in Kildare were filled with press and interviews. Filled with people asking them when the next album was and when they would be back. He was scheduled to go to rehab after two weeks back home but due to scheduling, they had to move his tour up. Y/N was already in Spain. She spent a bit of time with her family, made sure everything was good and then flew off to Europe, taking his heart with her.

They were okay again, he had explained that he would go to rehab and try to get himself under control again. She told him that she was proud of him and that she wished him all the best. She told him that she wouldn’t be able to make it to his first show but that she would be there for his last. She hugged him goodbye on her last day on the island and told him that he would see her soon.

The engagement scare still circulated in his brain. He’s so afraid that she would get engaged while she was away and he would truly lose her forever. Whenever he thought about it he felt like throwing up.

One month. One month and he would see her again.

+++

She stayed with Julio’s family for three weeks in Madrid before they had to go to Valencia where he had to film. She liked being in Madrid the most because she knew how to get around and she could stay at Julio’s house. In Valencia, they’re staying in a hotel so she doesn’t have the comfort of her things. She’ll go to the set with him most of the time but other times they are such long shoots she’d rather do anything else. She wants to explore but she’s so directionally challenged she’s scared to get lost and never return, her map couldn’t even save her sometimes.

Julio cooks for her every day, he teaches her how to cook some dishes he learned in his classes, they write songs together, and she runs songs by him which turns into them taking turns serenading each other. They drunkenly kiss under street lights and dance in the rain. She’s never felt happier, ever been so in love.

A month in and she’s back in Los Angeles where Rafe’s playing his last show. She’s excited to be here for him but she’s counting down the hours until she can go back to Spain.

When she gets home she checks to see that her house hasn’t been broken into and that all pipes are still in place. Her worst nightmare is returning to a flooded house. It all seems normal, she opens a few windows to air it out. Penny’s back in Spain with Julio so she feels extra alone.

She texts Rafe that she’s back in town and he texts her back within a minute.

“Thank you for coming, angel.” She smiles at the nickname and responds,

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

He sees her and his world stops. Her hair is in loose waves and it looks a little longer than when he had last seen her. His heart reaches out to her, begging to be in her presence. Sarah notices him there standing like an idiot and waves him over, the motion grabbing Y/N’s attention.

“Hey,” he says walking over.

“Hi!” She says putting her arms out to him, she goes on her tippy toes to reach him.

“How are you?” He asks her, slowly letting go.

“I’m good! Jetlagg is kicking my ass, but happy to be here! Look at you, rockstar.” She has a wide smile on her face that makes him feel like he’s seeing the sun for the first time.

“Yeah,” he laughs a little, scratching the back of his neck, shy all of a sudden.

“I heard a little rumour that Sofia was around?”

“I invited her to a show, extending a branch and all and we talked but that ship has sailed.”

“Are you on good terms?”

“I think we could be better, but it’s okay, I’m not holding my breath.” She links her arm with his, he looks at where their arms connect and feels like he’s on fire. How is he ever going to get over her?

+++

Rafe is amazing. He’s in a class of his own when he’s up on stage giving the show of a lifetime. It makes her tear up. She can’t help but think how he almost gave this all up when they were younger. She can’t imagine him anywhere but the stage. If he were working for his dad, his star would be caged. She’s so happy she could be a small part of his journey. He deserves the world.

For the first time since they started talking again, she feels like they can go back to normal. She loves him. She can have her best friend back.

+++

She doesn’t know how fast everything can fall apart. It’s perfect. Too perfect. She should have known that the other shoe would drop sooner or later. That’s how her life goes. She should have known she couldn’t have everything she wants. Things get ripped away eventually.

Rafe and Topper had mentioned that there were rumours they might have to go on a festival run. She hasn’t heard anything from their manager or their label. She likes the idea of a festival run, it could get them playing in front of people who don’t know who they are and expose them to new crowds.

She misses performing, she knows this would cut her time in Spain short. Much shorter than anticipated. She’s supposed to be there for almost seven months, with a bit of travelling back and forth until Julio finishes filming and they can stay in New York for a while.

She’s only been here for three months. It’s been so nice to be back with Julio full time, and get to do normal couple things after work. She doesn’t know how she’ll break the news to him. She chooses not to until she knows for sure.

The peace is short-lived.

“What is this?” Julio holds up the phone for her to take. She grabs his phone and looks at Boston Calling’s festival lineup. She reads trying to see what he’s talking about and finally finds what he’s asking about. Saturday, May 8th: Kildare Split B stage.

“I promise I didn’t know anything about this.” She tries to reassure him.

“That’s in two weeks.” He says to her, she feels the emotion in his voice.

“I know. I’ll talk to them.” She gives him his phone back and wraps her arms around him.

“I’m sorry.” They stay wrapped up in each other, silence overtaking them.

+++

“Ash, no one told me. I just thought I had more time.”

“There’s nothing we can do, we have the contract, you’re expected here.” She slides her hand over her face and sighs.

“Okay. That’s fine, but I’m leaving right after, no press.”

“Y/N, that’s not the only festival. You’ll be doing stops all spring and summer.” Her stomach drops.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“I’m sorry. The label will make no exceptions. You have to be here for every show.”

+++

She cries in Julio’s arms about having to leave so soon. He tells her it’s okay and that it’s nothing that they aren’t used to. She hates being used to being so far from him. She already misses him.

They try to get back to normal for the remainder of the time but something shifts. She can’t quite place it. She doesn’t know if it’s her or if it’s him. It feels off. For the first time since they met, it feels like they’re orbiting around different stars.

They’re returning to their apartment from lunch with one of his co-stars when her world starts to crack. She knows what he’s thinking before he even says it out loud. His eyes are sad and she can read him. She’s never hated him a day since they met. Not until now. She tries to distract herself, tries changing the subject, she tells him she’s going to shower and get ready for bed.

In the shower, she tries to scrub away the doubt and rubs at her skin to try and rid herself of the feeling. Impending doom. The world ending. A black hole fiding her universe and destroying it before she can do anything to stop it.

When she gets out of the shower he’s sitting on the edge of their bed facing her, she’s still trying to avoid it, she kisses his cheek and turns away. He stops her from walking away by grabbing her hand and pulling her towards him. She doesn’t face him. She can’t.

“This is so hard.” His voice comes out hoarse.

“Then don’t do it.”

“I love you so much it hurts.” It’s not supposed to hurt. He taught her that.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

“You said we could get through it. You said that it was nothing we hadn’t done.”

“I know what I said. I thought I could.”

“And now you can’t.” He looks at her, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I wish things could be different.”

“No. No. No. Stop, no, you don’t get to break up with me.” She’s screaming, the tears already spilling from her eyes. She’s never felt so crazy. And her world falls apart. She doesn’t remember a time before her life was him and her.

“Y/N. You know I love you, I would do anything for you, and this is the right thing to do.”

“No. You don’t get to choose what is right for me. I do. And I choose you. I always choose you.”

“It’s not feasible. Being away from you. It hurts too much. It hurts you and it hurts me. I can’t do

it. My heart breaks every time you leave.”

“I’ll do anything.” Tears fall from his eyes as he gulps.

“Moving here is not realistic for you, you were supposed to be here for way longer and look, you leave in three days. I don’t blame you. It’s everything you’ve worked for and I won’t be the person that holds you back.” She’s sobbing now, she can’t see him over her tears, she’s shaking and desperate to get him to listen. To keep him.

“I’ll quit the band.” It comes tumbling out of her mouth before she can stop it. she grabs his face and makes him look at her. “I’ll quit.” He looks at her eyes wide.

“No.”

“Julio, please.”

“You don’t mean that, you’ll resent me and you won’t be happy and it’ll ruin us.”

“I won’t. I promise.” She’d never heard these sounds come out of her body before, so guttural and painful from somewhere deep inside her.

“You will. You would never ask me to quit acting, would you?”

“No,” she whines, the tears flowing.

“Then how could I ask you to quit your dreams?” He’s right. She knows he is and it fucking hurts. She wants to rip her heart out. She’s never felt pain like this and she wishes she could have never met him.

That’s not true, the thought of never having him in her life hurts. No matter how painful this moment is, the realization that their relationship is over is, she would never take back the years she spent with him. He showed her what it meant to be loved. How it felt to be seen and wanted. He taught her selflessness in love. She would never take it back. She needs to numb the pain.

She falls into his arms, her face on his chest as she cries and cries. He holds her like he never wants to let go and cries with her. God how she wishes she could live another life. How she wishes they could be other people. In another life, she thinks. In another life.

He’s what she wants, but she’s not what he needs. Because she’s hurting him. She’s been hurting him and he can’t put up with it anymore. She’s not worth it.

She books her flight for that night. Not wanting to prolong their inevitable goodbye. She watches as he closes the door to his apartment. The last time she’ll be here. They hold hands on the way down to his car and then as he drives her to the airport where he kisses her for the last time. Kisses her goodbye. And she gets on the plane and cries all the way home. The flight attendant keeps bringing her water and the people around her are whispering. She closes the curtains around her pod. Her eyes focus on the sides of the window as the frost builds like little spider webs reaching out to her.

She loves him. She loves him. She can’t believe this.

+++

She gets to her house. Penny next to her. She sets her stuff down next to the door and collapses into a pile of skin, bone, and numbness. Her heart missing. Her heart was somewhere back in Spain with the boy he dragged her out of her isolation and brought her back to life. How could she ever be okay again?

She doesn’t leave her house or her bed until the day she has to be on a flight to Boston. She has about 100 missed calls and a billion unopened text messages. She doesn’t care to talk to anyone. Doesn’t want to explain the breakup.

+++

She can feel herself isolating. To the way, things were before him. She’s in a room full of people and she feels the most alone she’s ever been. She waves everyone off, not giving them a second glance. She marches on stage, she plays the show with a missing heart. Pretending she’s okay. The band sees right through her, the fans don’t know better.

Everyone is worried about her. Ash forces her to come out with the band and crew. She’s probably scared she’ll overdose if she’s on her own. All the telltale signs of how she used to be. They’re keeping an eye on her.

She doesn’t feel like she’s in her body, she’s floating through life right now. She walks out onto the balcony, needing fresh air.

Everyone’s dancing as she sits on the balcony and stares at the night sky. The wind makes goose bumps rise on her skin. She feels another tear try and escape her eye. She blinks it away before it can. She’s so tired of crying all the time.

“Hey, you.” Topper steps out into the crisp air.

“Hey,” she whispers, trying to cover that she’s been crying.

“You okay?”

“No.”

“It’ll be okay. Sometimes love just doesn’t last. It happens and it’ll pass.”

“We didn’t break up because we didn’t love each other. If the distance didn’t exist I would still be with him. I would choose him over and over again but I was hurting him and in turn, I was hurting myself and neither of us expected or would accept the other quitting their dream jobs to move. So we’re done and it fucking hurts, Top. I saw forever with him. I haven’t felt that way about anyone ever. Part of me thinks that one day, when we’re both settled and not chasing the next best thing, we’ll be together.” She’s choking up, tears spilling over.

“Come here,” he opens his arms to her and she falls into them, “I’m here for you.” she looks over his shoulder to where Rafe is with their friends.

“For now I just want to drink and cry and sleep for three weeks. I want the pain to stop. I don’t want to feel.” She pulls back from Topper, grabbing his arm and dragging him back inside.

She would forget. At least for tonight.

+++

Her head pounds in the morning. She would blame all the crying she’s been doing but it’s mostly the alcohol. Cleo would kill her if she knew how much she was drinking again. She opens her eyes and looks around the half-lit room, the morning sun peeking through the curtains. The curtains are on the wrong side of the room. She looks around some more and notices clothes thrown on the floor. Men’s clothes. This isn’t her room.

She remembers bits of the night before, kissing and touching in the elevator ride, the fight to find his room key, looking into his blue eyes and forgetting the name of the man with the brown eyes. At least for a moment. She blinks as if that would stop the headache.

“Shit.” She hears from beside her. She slowly turns her head until her eyes meet the blue eyes staring back at her.

“Top.”

“Fuck.”

#rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe x reader #rafe obx #outerbanks au #rafe fanfiction #rafe fic #rafe outer banks #rafe imagine #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron smau #kildaresplit au

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gay-dorito-dust · 1 year

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Hey I was wondering if you could do like Wednesday x fem yn but like Wednesday trying to tell mortica and gomez she has a gf and not knowing how they'd react and edin trys to help her and in the end they find out somehow you can pick if they take it good or bad but yea

A/n: I’ve seen this get asked to another person but I’m too proud of what I had already written to throw it away.

The crystal ball upon Wednesday’s desk taunted her with the impending call from her parents. Wednesday was something she hadn’t been in a long time; worried. The last time she had spoken with her parents, a lot had changed and one of the most recent and most prominent changes was that she had found herself a girlfriend.

How you met was the typical run of the mill meet cute, Wednesday was caught doing something she wasn’t meant to and she threatened to take your tongue, vocal chords and hands should you ever rat her out. Your response? “You’re beautiful.” Ever since then you had been constantly drawn to the chaos that was Wednesday Addams and not once has the thought of ever letting you go crossed her wicked mind. She was happy, a word she never thought she’d use in a lifetime but truly, for the first time in a long time she was happy. You made the insides of her hollow husk of a human vessel warm.

You lit a match and threw it upon her coal heart, setting it ablaze with the very foundations of life as the fires reflected in her dark eyes. You were her cara mia as she was your mon cher. For you Wednesday would die for you, kill for you, even live for you should you command it of her. It was moments like those that she began to see how alike she was to her father; Unhealthy obsessed with the object of their eternal attraction. So unhealthy in fact the pair might possibly be clinically insane with their love. However not even a highly facilitated psychiatric ward would be able to prevent Wednesday from coming back to you.

For she would have it burnt to the ground in your name as though she were a crazed religious fanatic, pleading her love to the only form of higher power that ever truly existed; You. If she had it her way, you’d both would’ve carved out and calcified your beating hearts for the other, to have and to hold until you were both cold and dead within the ground that would make up your grave. You would now and forever more belong to Wednesday as she would belong to you until the dark forces swelled you both whole; snuffing out your mortal flame for good.

So as Wednesday clamped down on her finger nails, bitting them right down to the nub and then some, Enid couldn’t help but feel concerned for her friend as she stared vehemently at her -seemingly- only form of communication with a look in her eyes. “What’s chomping you at the bit.” Enid asked, begrudging to know the answer but knew that Wednesday was in a situation where a friend was something that she could use right now. “My parents will be calling soon.” Wednesday merely said, not taking her eyes off of the crystal ball as though she was awaiting for it to go off.

“That’s great! Unless your relationship with them is questionable at best then that’s…not great.” Enid trails off when she began to notice that she wasn’t helping in making the situation any better even in the slightest. However the blonde wasn’t one to give up even in the face of adversity, Enid presses onward and upward. “My parents only sent me here to mold me in their image, to forge a carbon copy of themselves out of me by the time inn through with this place,” Enid stayed silent, “I get sent to the same dormitory my mother once resided, I have premonitions like she does.” Wednesday falls silent as her fists clenched in silent anguish.

“However I am not my mother, nor will I ever be like her because unlike her I have a heart to give and I gave it to y/n upon a moonlight night; the same night where the crows dropped dead before us and black dahlias bloomed by our feet.” Enid smiled warmly, remembering the twinkle in Wednesday’s eyes when she came back to the dome after her first official date with you down by the greenhouse. It was a dangerous twinkle but a twinkle none the less, Wednesday could’ve told her that you had a sparing match that ended with the tips of your blades poised at the others throat and the werewolf would’ve still somehow find it romantic.

“Now I am seemingly at an impasse with the illogical concerns of how my parents would react to me engaging in romantic circumstances with another girl, despite being well aware of their stances on societal demands.” Wednesday admitted, not use to feeling this vulnerable in front of another person but at this point in their relationship, Wednesday trusted Enid -despite how much of a gossip she could be- a smidge more then she did the rest of the student body that made up Nevermore. So if anything, this was Wednesday’s silent cry for Enid’s help and luckily she wasn’t overly dense to not notice.

“Wednesday,” Enid began as she moved over to stand by her friends’ side, “what your parents think shouldn’t reflect upon your relationship with y/n. You love her and she loves you, so why ruin a perfectly good thing by listening to what you parents think.” She places her hands on Wednesday’s shoulders and made sure that they were meeting eye to eye. “Never, not once, since I’ve came to know you had you given a shit about what others thought of you. So why give a shit now?” Wednesday has to admit, Enid was right. Why should she all of a sudden care when all she’s ever done thus far was deflect other peoples opinion on her. It made no logical sense but she guessed that now that you were in the picture with her; Wednesday worries about her parents perception of you.

Just as Enid was about to continue with her speech, the crystal ball went off and within the clear cut glass could the image of Gomez’ stout figure and Morticia’s taller frame could be seen as though they were actually trapped within the crystal itself. Upon seeing their daughter, Gomez and Morticia sat up straighter and smiled at Wednesday who only stared blankly at them, blinking slowly like a cat does when trying to convey their emotions to their owners. “There’s my little death moth, how’s Nevermore been treating you?” Gomez started as Morticia only took in her daughter’s expressions with a curious furrow in her brow but she didn’t speak upon it. Yet.

“Same as usual, however-“ “however you have found love, with a girl perhaps?” Wednesday straightened at her mother’s words. “How did you-“ “call it a mother’s intuition my dear death blossom.” Morticia’s unnerving voice cut her off as she looked to Gomez who was already looking at her, love sick. “Our daughter has found love Gomez, the ancestors must’ve blessed her already.” Gomez only grasped Morticia’s hand that rested on the chair arm tightly. “That’s amazing ‘tish, our little cope has found her forever mouse to play with until she too becomes a viper, until she becomes an Addams.” Wednesday perks up at this, her parents were indirectly giving you their blessing to marry her, to join your soul with hers as one until the end of your shared days.

Enid, still in the room, was trying her hardest not to squeal in excitement. Sure this event wouldn’t be until later down the line but she hopes she becomes your guys maid of honour.

#wednesday addams x reader #Wednesday Addams x you #Wednesday Addams fanfic #Wednesday Addams fic #Wednesday Addams imagines #Wednesday Addams imagine #wednesday x reader #wednesday imagine #Wednesday x you #Wednesday imagines #Wednesday fanfic #Wednesday fic

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writerslittlelibrary · 28 days

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I'll protect you, princess au

masterlist

summary: you're the princess of the most important kingdom in the world. every illegal organisation in existence has it out for you, and after a particularly dangerous situation, that almost ended in your death, your parents have decided to give you a personal guard to protect you. what happens when this knight messes with every rule you've ever known?

pairing: knight Abby Anderson x princess reader

warnings: at one point it’s mentioned that being gay is forbidden (does that need a warning lol???)

genre: fluff, forbidden love

words: 1634

a/n: I'm not even gonna pretend that I don't fantasise at night about me being a princess, and sneaking around with knight!Abby. could you even imagine?! Abby is literally a perfect knight. she's sweet and protective and strong and god I'm experiencing gay panic

I'm imagining this to be set in a more mediaeval world, like once upon a time :)

You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

Your father had always been a cautious man. Being the most powerful Royal family in the world came with its risks, and after you almost got killed last year, he had assigned you with a personal guard.

You were a bit sceptical at first, yet your father assured you she was the best trained person in the entire country. With her protecting you, nothing could happen. She was strong, and she was well trained to be able to tell whether people were sketchy or not from a mile away.

You still weren't sure, but you were quick to change your mind when you finally met her.

She was insanely attractive. She looked super strong, but when she went to introduce herself to you, she had the sweetest smile you had ever seen. She was polite, and yet she looked like she could lift you up and throw you down a cliff. To say she didn't make you feel things would be a lie.

She had been by your side for a few months now, and you couldn't deny how nice it was to be able to go out into the world without having to worry about people harassing you.

Abby was always there, no matter what you did.

Whether you went horse riding, or decided to have a little picnic by the lake, Abby would join you, and she would either keep you company, or stand at a safe distance. Whichever you preferred at the moment.

Today was one of the days that you felt like going out for a ride. The weather was great, and after the heavy rainfall you had been experiencing for the past couple days, you were craving some nice spring sunshine.

“Are you almost ready, milady?” Abby asked after knocking and opening your door.

“I'm nearly finished,” you replied, pulling your boots on and making your way towards the door. “Will Arthur be joining us today?” you asked Abby. You were oblivious to the face she made. You figured she simply did not like Arthur, but to Abby it was so much more than that.

Arthur had been the guy your parents had been pushing you towards.

You were growing up, and it was time for you to try and find a husband. Arthur was a prince who came from your neighbouring kingdom. His family was rich, and his people were pleased. His family was well respected, and because of this fact, your parents were greatly interested in a union. You, however, made no effort to show interest in Arthur, and so, your parents had decided to invite him over to your kingdom, to hopefully create a spark between you two.

It was safe to say that Arthur was head over heels for you, but you could not say the same.

He was kind, sure, but he was too sure of himself. He was convinced that every girl in the kingdom was obsessed with him, and that he was the greatest prince that the kingdom had ever seen.

Every time he made a comment about his greatness, you tried to kindly explain to him that what he was saying was probably not true. However, Abby was less kind, and every time Arthur made a comment that insulted either you, or any other girl, she was quick to shut him up.

Arthur didn't like Abby, and Abby didn't like Arthur.

“I believe I heard him say he's not very fond of horseback riding, ma'am,” Abby explained, knowing full well that she never made an effort to ask him.

You let out a sigh of relief. “That's a shame,” you said, trying, and failing, to hide your satisfaction.

“Shall we go then?” you asked Abby, who nodded and stepped aside, allowing you to exit your room and walk ahead as you made your way to the stables.

Abby walked behind you, exactly three steps, like she always did. She wasn't too close, neither was she too far. You liked it that way, unaware of the fact that Abby liked it just as much. She felt at ease, knowing she was the one protecting you.

When you arrived at the stables, your horses were already prepared. You thanked the stable boy and took the reins of your horse, waiting for Abby to copy your actions.

She did, and together you walked outside.

“Where should we go today, princess?” Abby asked, getting onto her own horse after you had gotten onto yours. You simply shrugged in reply, looking out into the forest.

“I'm not too certain. We could, perhaps, just ride around, and see where we end up?” you suggested, looking at Abby for approval. She smiled.

“Of course, princess. That is a wonderful idea.”

After riding around for a few hours, you ended up at a beautiful lake. The sun reflected off the water beautifully, and the grass field around the lake was breathtaking. You stopped there, getting off of your horse and tying it to a tree.

Abby copied your actions, tying her own horse to the tree before following you towards the water.

“What’s on your mind, princess?” Abby asked while she gave your side a slight nudge.

You sighed, looking over the water to take a moment to collect your thoughts.

“What do you think about Arthur?” you then asked Abby, who sighed and looked away from you, thinking about how to say what she wanted to say, without sounding too rude.

“I think his family is rich, and that he is the textbook definition of the perfect prince,” Abby said, turning back to look at you again. “Why do you ask?”

You sighed, turning to face Abby as well.

“I don’t think I want to marry him, but I don’t want to disappoint my parents. They appear to really like Arthur, and he seems kind enough, but he’s so full of himself. Besides that, I just don’t…” you stopped yourself, nearly spilling your deepest secret.

Abby quirked her eyebrow, looking at you with much interest now.

“You don’t… what?” she asked.

You sighed again, turning your head away from Abby.

“I am not attracted to him,” you said, hoping to satisfy Abby with your answer. Of course, she knew that that wasn’t what you were going to say.

“Not attracted to him, or to guys in general?” Abby subtly questioned, patiently waiting for your answer.

You gasped, turning to Abby like she had just spoken of the devil.

“Abby! How dare you suggest such a thing. You know that is forbidden,” you corrected her, to which Abby just smiled kindly at you.

“It is just us two here. I promise you that whatever you tell me, I shall not tell another soul,” Abby promised, reaching for your hand and rubbing circles at the back of it.

You sighed softly, gathering your courage before speaking again.

“Do you think it is wrong? To be attracted to the same gender, I mean,” you asked Abby, looking at her with questioning eyes. Abby simply shook her head.

“I don’t. Do you?”

You sighed once more, before nodding slightly.

“I am not certain. I cannot deny these feelings I have. But I cannot let it hinder me from becoming the queen my people need. One day, I will have to make an heir. I will become queen, and I will need to have children. That’s just the way it is,” you explained.

Abby smiled at you.

“You know, when you are the queen, you get to decide that. You could make new laws, that would state that the next heir, wouldn’t have to be your bloodline. You could give someone else a rightful claim to the throne,” Abby suggested, and after thinking about it for a little while, you turned to her, nodding.

“In that case, I do prefer girls. I wish I could tell the one that I like…” you confessed, and Abby smiled.

“You’re secret is safe with me, princess. And if we’re being honest here, I do prefer girls as well,” Abby confessed, chuckling at the way you head whipped around.

“You do?!” you asked in surprise, and Abby nodded.

“In fact, there happens to be a girl I like as well,” Abby told you, smiling at the hint of disappointment that flashed over your face.

“You know, I think she likes me too,” Abby then continued, waiting to see your reaction.

“Will you tell her? Will she accept it?” you asked Abby.

“That depends. May I kiss you, princess?” Abby then asked, placing her fingers under your chin to get you to face her.

You’re cheeks flushed to a bright red, but yet you still nodded, biting you lip while staring into Abby’s eyes, waiting for her next move.

Slowly, Abby leaned down, capturing your lips in a soft, passionate kiss. After she pulled away, she smiled sweetly at you.

“And? Do you think she’ll accept it?” Abby asked you, smiling when you nodded excitedly.

“I think she’ll be delighted to know you like her,” you responded, giggling when Abby gave you a small kiss on your cheek.

“We should go back to the castle. Your parents will start wondering where you are,” Abby then said. You looked around, noticing that the sun had already started setting. Your dinner would be prepared soon, and you knew how much your parents disliked you being late for dinner.

“Do you think we’ll be able to share a moment like this again…?” you asked Abby carefully after you walked towards your horse, mounting it.

“Don’t worry, princess. There will be plenty of moments like this,” Abby assured you, climbing onto her own horse and following the way home.

Maybe you feelings weren’t that scandalous at all. Maybe Abby was right. Perhaps you could bend the rules, should you become queen soon…

(Wouldn’t it be cute to make a part 2, with queen reader and Abby who find Lev, and assign him as the next heir 🫣)

Permanent tags: @marvelnatasha12346 @lesbionion @nova-kyle @darkstar225 @saraaahsstuff @marvelwomenarehot0 @screechcat @iheartjohansson @tia-thesimp @swaqcenix @karmasgxrl @marvel-lous3000 @n0txn3vee @lorsstar1st

#abby anderson x reader #abby and lev #abby x reader #abby the last of us #abby tlou #abby anderson #tlou au #tlou fanfic #tlou2 #tlou #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #the last of us fic #the last of us part two #wlw #lesbian #reader insert #lev tlou #yara tlou

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thinkingaboutjaedyn · 11 days

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all this lauren james discourse is making me not only angry, but also very much sad. imagine being a young black girl who looks up to lauren james, going on social media to obsess over her because young fans do that, and seeing all this racism in comment sections about her. not only a young black girl but imagine being a black girl in soccer seeing a black player who's making such a impact receive so much hate online that's just pure racism. how do you think she's going to feel? women's soccer is becoming bigger, more and more young girls are able to see women soccer players be respected and held in high regard. do all these great things... but only if they're white little girls. for black little girls they see their favorite black players being harassed and racially abused online over something that happens in a game.

y'all love to use black bodies as entertainment and for profit. y'all love black athletes when they win games for you, but when they make a mistake or slightly out act suddenly all the racism in this fandom pops out. i don't even think some of y'all see black players as human with the way a lot of woso fans talk about them. yes, lauren james sometimes act out of frustration and step on someone's foot, obviously that isn't right but she doesn't deserve racism 😐 in the most recent situation with lauren where it LOOKS like she had millie in a headlock was so bothersome to see and then for millie to turn around & like a comment & reply to that comment about the headlock is insane. THEN for some other engwnt players to comment or like that post? if i was lauren, i would be angry. they probably liked that post not even thinking about it but that's what so frustrating. these white players can go through this space not worrying racism. it's a privilege to just casually do something like that and not realize what could happen after. the fact jess carter who is black liked that post too / commented on it is ridiculous.

there are so many players who are more aggressive than lauren by far or act out way more than lauren. not just katie mccabe but there's players like lindsey horan who i have literally watch videos of her acting out on the pitch after an opponent does something to her.

some of you woso fans just want black players for entertainment but forget the person behind it. you want them to win you games and take your teams to great heights but treat them like shit. black women are dominating women's soccer right now. be thankful to lauren james because half of those chelsea/engwnt goals wouldn't exist without her. be thankful to trinity rodman for being a force on the field. be thankful to jaedyn shaw who's been scoring in nearly every game she starts for the uswnt. be thankful to khiara keating who is a brick wall at just nineteen. be thankful to bunny shaw who is a top scorer for man city. there are so many other black players i can list which just shows much impact they have on this sport. stop treating black players like shit because these teams y'all love so much wouldn't be anything without them.

#lauren james #engwnt #chelsea women #woso #woso community #uswnt #man city women

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suiana · 1 year

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hihi!! yr posts are so funky i love them sm

ya have any ideas for a yandere that has no actual connection - like, you've never even seen them before and yet it's stuff like "i didn't leave that book open" - "where did my favorite shirt go" - "i just woke up why am i so sticky" rjfjfhjf

omgee I've actually been thinking about this lately HAHA,, thank u anon for giving me motivation to write this <3

✎ yandere! stalker headcanons . . .

✎ warnings . . .

― stalking, nsfw, obsessiveness, slight violence, delusional yandere etc.

(gn! reader x male yandere! oc)

✎ yandere! stalker who is absolutely obsessed with you. you don't even know him yet his whole life is dedicated to you! how romantic <3

✎ yandere! stalker who has completely memorized your schedule and everything about you. he swears that he can answer any question about you :) no one knows you better than him, not even yourself!

✎ yandere! stalker who doesn't even remember when or where his obsession for you started from. babe, you never even talked to him before! so how did he fall so deeply for you? truly a mystery...

✎ yandere! stalker who gives you plenty of gifts. you could wake up with a random box of chocolates or with your laundry done! though a shirt or two might be missing! truly a pleasant surprise, no? your stalker hopes you like his gifts! :)

✎ yandere! stalker who has so many pictures of you that it's insane. what the fuck, how does he even get these??

✎ yandere! stalker who protects you from dirty people. that weird associate who made you uncomfortable? he suddenly went missing! that old uncle who was staring at you in a nasty way? brutally beaten up in a dark alleyway! don't worry your pretty little head darling, your stalker is there to protect you ♡

✎ yandere! stalker who masterbates to the thought of you every night. god you're perfect! he wishes you would notice him :( but he supposed that you not noticing is for the better... for now.

✎ yandere! stalker who is rich and likes spending his fortune on you. your phone is slightly chipped? get ready to wake up with a brand new phone on your desk :) oh, how he loves watching your cute reactions through the teddy bear he once gifted to you <3

✎ yandere! stalker who starts to grow bolder once you've warmed up to his gifts. oh? so you like his gifts? that means you like him now right? stalker, babe, that's not how it works that means he can start getting more personal with you right?

✎ yandere! stalker who starts to touch you in your sleep. your reciprocation towards his gifts is a sign that you're okay with this right? right?!

✎ yandere! stalker who is hysterical when he sees you talking to you friends about how you hate waking up slimy in the morning. what do you mean you hate his gift to you?! do you hate him now?!

✎ yandere! stalker who gifts you multiple things to try and apologize. you must be mad at him! you surely must be! even if you don't know who he is, your complaints about being sticky is a subtle sign of your anger towards him! he can't have his reason of living being mad now, can he?

✎ yandere! stalker who impulsively kidnaps you once you decide to make a police report. no! he can't lose you to those scummy officers!

✎ yandere! stalker who knocks you out so hard that you lose your memories. and when you wake up he tells you that he's your husband. a manic grin adorning his features as he does so. this must god's way of giving him a second chance! honey... no!!

✎ yandere! stalker who would change anything about himself for you. he exists for you only. anything he does is for you. he is yours to control. he should be anything and everything you want. so please, tell him what you like! he'll do anything in his power to achieve it. even if it means dying for you.

✎ "haah~ I love you so much ♡"

#tw yandere #yandere #yandere x reader #male yandere #male yandere x reader #yandere blog #yandere hcs #yandere headcanons #yandere drabble #yandere drabbles #yandere stalker #yandere stalker headcanons #yandere stalker x reader

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yurinaa-world · 4 months

Note

i’ve been obsessing over ur writing recently . may i request blade, dan heng, and gepard (seperate) with an s/o who’s like mobius from honkai impact 3rd? have a good day :3

Characters: Blade, Dan Heng, and Geperd x Female Reader

Synopsis: s/o that's like Mobius

Warnings: Fluff and spelling mistakes, mentions of injuries in blade's part

𝐵𝓁𝒶𝒹𝑒

You’re very infamous around every part of the universe, known to be the mad in the head well as late. That's how others see you; they just don’t understand how you view your work. Is it so bad to want to achieve so badly to the point of risking lives or your own? Of course not! If such a thing exists, you’re meant to know everything about it.

He didn’t fall for your stupid, innocent appearance. “He’s falling short, sorry (name)” Kafka smiled. "Aw, what a pity he would have looked good strapped down to my table.” You sigh. If only you could do all sorts of experiments on that man (like testing how well his healing works), but you know he is precious to the stellaron hunters.

Whenever he came back from missions, you always brought him to your lab, and it became a routine after that, just going straight there after one step in the base. You always examine and touch him after he’s back, like wanting to see if there are any more new cuts on his body or, in general, how he reacts to different feelings. Does he still feel human, or is that part of him gone now?

You’re madly insane—a whole other, deeper level of insane—and the way you look at me with crazed eyes when you get the greatest result from your latest subject—it's what got him obsessed with you.

𝒟𝒶𝓃 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝑔

You like to tease him with your looks, fooling him; just pouncing on him and then teasing him so much! Then just laugh at his flustered face! How cruel could you be to him? If anyone else saw you both like this, he would just die of embarrassment, but come on, he worries so much. You don’t have anything currently to experiment on, so he’s going to be your little test subject, and you’re going to have some fun with him.

Everyone knows that once you set yourself a goal, you will pursue it no matter what. Finding everything about it is your goal for today. He’ll also take off his long jacket for better inspection on your part so you can see every little that may be hiding in plain sight. Chop chop, you don’t have all day, and you don’t have the patience right now.

Ah, he ran off, saying March was calling, even though she wasn't. Well, you’ll make some time for him tomorrow, so it’s fine.

𝒢𝑒𝓅𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒶𝓊

Same thing with Dan Heng; you want to know how well-fit his body is, so instead of staring at him after he comes out of the shower and then having him freak out at the way you're staring at him, you were just analyzing with your eyes to see how strong he was. Well, now you just want to test his strength, so why doesn’t he come to your lab while on a day off? Maybe then he’ll believe you.

You watching him like that makes him a little flustered, very flustered. Don’t you see what you're doing? The way you bite your lip while staring at him has gotten him to go! You are truly evil! Of course, you know what you're doing, but he doesn’t need to know such things.

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

#✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ Yurinna's Writing :･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧#honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x reader #star rail x reader #hsr x you #hsr x reader #gepard x reader #gepard honkai starrail #gepard honkai x reader #Dan Heng x reader #hsr dan heng x reader #dan heng x you #blade x reader #blade x you #honkai blade x you

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animeyanderelover · 2 months

Note

Hello can I request a yandere indra + madara, obito, sasuke, itachi and shisui x goddess reader. The reader is a goddess of serenity, beauty, strength and healing. Thank you very much.

I just love how the Uchiha blood line has just the whole Naruto fandom in a chokehold. I have never not met a person who wasn’t at least down bad for one of them.

@shumidehiro @swagenemyartisan

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, stalking, clinginess, delusional thoughts, threats, manipulation, paranoia, death

Goddess s/o

Indra Otsutsuki

💜Indra is one of the last people you will see bowing down to anyone after he has abandoned his father and brother. Instead he is the one who expects people to bow down to him as he is essentially a god with the powers he has obtained after having killed his two close friends in exchange for more power. It is that very arrogance that keeps him from even bowing his head to you. It is almost ironic how he has cursed his father for claiming that love would be the greatest power yet finds himself going through a similar experience when he is face to face with you for the first time. There is an ethereal glow around your body that sets you apart from the mortal humans, that sets you apart from him as he stares at you. Even after you fade away from his vision, his gaze remains fixated on the spot where you just were a few seconds ago. His mind is spinning, drowning in the images of the short glimpses he was able to catch of you. He wants to see you again. In your otherworldly presence he has finally felt something he hasn’t felt ever since he left his village and has been plagued by restlessness. He feels peace.

💜He doesn’t plan to join your group of worshippers but he sticks around them and the shrine they have created in hopes of catching a glimpse of you again. As enchanted as Indra may be, there is a volcano of twisted emotions that is just brooding inside of him. Your status as a goddess disturbs him and that disturbance has been inside of him ever since he has been humbled and humiliated by Ashura in the fight that tore all bonds he had previously held. Deep down he fears a repeat of this experience, of another loss of his, if he were to ever try to force you to join his side. He feels an overwhelming need to dominate you, to stand above you and force you via that into submission. He needs the reassurance of holding control as he would otherwise be too paranoid about you eventually beating him just like Ashura. Yet you two live in different worlds as you only rarely visit the realm of humans and it fills him with a poison called helplessness that he despises. His mind spirals into violent insanity as he will gladly burn down all of your followers and even your own shrine if you will answer the call of his obsession.

Madara Uchiha

🌑Madara has never prayed to anyone before. He has trained to stand as the head of his clan and he has achieved it all with his own strength and willpower. Yet his interest is immediately captured when he actually finds a real goddess that personifies strength and beauty. In a way he is almost instantly enraptured but don’t expect him to go down on both knees for you as Madara has never shown submission to anyone. Even your status as a goddess won’t force him to throw away his pride. Your ancient position as a goddess is still enough to earn you his respect, especially if he sees your powers in action. You carry yourself with a wisdom and elegance he would expect from someone who has existed for millennia as you have and you possess such beauty and serene composure that any mortal woman pales in comparison to you in every category. Ever since the day he has seen you, he hasn’t been able to give his attention nor interest to any women the clan has offered him as a potential bride. None of them could come even close to you so he ruthlessly rejects them all. He has only one woman in his heart he wants as a bride. You.

🌑Even if he may be blasphemous for yearning to claim a goddess as his possession, Madara doesn’t care. He has set his sights on you and nothing can stop him now. He’s persistent and stubborn, determined to marry you. Unfortunately you aren’t that easy to detect as you reside in a realm where humans can’t follow so he instead tracks down your followers and your shrine. Perhaps your subjects can be of use to help him to see you again. Now, Madara will be man enough to ask you for your hand in marriage when he sees you again and he isn’t opposed if you would play a bit hard to get so he can prove himself to you. If your opinion would stand firm that you don’t want to marry him though, things will look not pretty. In the traditional Uchiha fashion Madara’s feelings burn brighter than the sun and nothing can extinguish the fire in his heart. Once he has decided that only you will do for him, he will do everything in his strength to have you. He knows that he is potentially picking a fight with a goddess but he doesn’t fear the risk of such a battle. If he must fight against you to force you to stay by his side, so be it.

Obito Uchiha

🔥Ever since Rin’s death, ever since his innocence has been shattered, Obito has been living in hell. Life on earth has become synonymous with suffering and evil for him as his heart hasn’t known peace and joy since years. That’s when you two cross paths as he finds your abandoned shrine within the woods. As soon as he lays his eye on you, it’s like his crippled heart is healing as he feels serenity and calmness wrapping itself around him like a warm blanket. All caution and hostility melts away as the Uchiha can only stare at you in dreamy awe as you look at him with such dazzling eyes. The moment you disappear, it feels like a hole has opened in his heart that is aching. His gaze lands on the dirty and old shrine and suddenly there is a rage filling Obito as he realizes that the followers who used to care for your house on earth have abandoned it and have abandoned you by doing so. You poor thing. How must it feel for a goddess to be slowly forgotten? He starts tending to the shrine from that day on as he cleans it from the moss and visits it daily. He knows that you’re watching him whenever he feels his heartbeat calming down.

🔥He feels like the shrine is the place where only the two of you exist as your aura lulls him into a peacefulness he didn’t know that he could feel. Obito actually starts praying to you and he feels empowered whenever he does so as he likes to imagine that you bless him with the strength he needs to change this world. Soon he finds himself becoming addicted to your presence that fills him with such bliss and starts feeling stressed out when he can’t sense you. He likes to delude himself into thinking that both of you have suffered from the ignorance of the humans around you and that soon leads him to the conclusion that only you could ever understand him and he could only ever understand you. Whenever you show yourself to him, he’s talking like you are a frightened baby deer as he promises you revenge for the people who abandoned and forgot you and that he will never do as your former followers did. He will never allow anyone else to intrude in his little paradise where only him and you exist and longs for the day when you will finally allow him to show you the loyalty and love he feels for you.

Shisui Uchiha

🍂Religion can truly become a terrifying thing when it is used to oppress people. It is your cult that falls victim to Shisui on a mission as he is sent to the village they have temporarily settled down to enforce the laws of their own beliefs there. It is in the very temple they have been building by using the villagers as workers that Shisui has his first encounter with you. You have a heavy aura around you as you stare at him, as dignified and proud as a goddess standing for strength is meant to be even if your facial expression is a mellow one. Then there is Shisui, standing in the half-finished shrine of yours with the corpses of your followers lying around his feet. There is a thick silence where Shisui is silently preparing himself to be attacked by you yet he only receives a nod from you that almost looks like a sign of gratitude before you vanish. No one else has seen you yet he’s convinced that it wasn’t an illusion. Too troubled to leave the village without getting his confirmation that you were real, he steals necklace from one of your followers which is meant to help your followers to stay in contact with you.

🍂Visions and glimpses as fleeting as a shooting star haunt him from that day on and if anyone else but Shisui would have stolen the artifact, they would have probably lost their mind already. He knows exactly that he can’t tell anyone about your existence as they wouldn’t believe him and label him as a lunatic in the worst case. It’s like you are constantly observing him. Your presence is like a warm gentle rain that engulfs him constantly and the occasional brush of your hands against his skin a delicate sensation that has his whole body tingling. Until eventually Shisui finds his eyes constantly searching for you, an almost queasy feeling in his stomach when he can neither see nor sense you. You have given him your blessing and your protection after he has cleared your name of the traitors who have been abusing your image for such crude actions. Shisui wonders if you already know that his own strong feelings you have admired upon first meeting him have already been twisted because of you. He secretly builds you a small shrine where he also hides the necklace, well aware that they will tie you one way or another to his village.

Itachi Uchiha

🍡Itachi, despite his normally cold facade, is deep down also a deeply troubled person who is drowning in the sorrow of what he had to do to his own clan and family. Around you the silent ache gets soothed, even if it’ll never fully disappear. From the Uchiha clan Itachi is most likely one of the calmer ones and the one who will actually put the respect on you that you deserve without overwhelming you. He has enough on his mind already after all but he at times feels a tad bit honored that you decided to show yourself to him out of curiosity when you saw him passing through the forest with your shrine. Your presence is quite enjoyable and that isn’t only because you are a goddess of serenity and beauty but also because you could almost be mistaken as a normal human if it wouldn’t be for the halo around you. You don’t act like what he would have expected from a goddess of your caliber but instead you are curious, humble and get childishly excited when he brings you food because you normally don’t get such stuff in the realm where you live. Your curiosity about the most mundane stuff is sometimes downright amusing.

🍡As an Akatsuki member, Itachi is already put under a lot of isolation. He only has Kisame as a work partner and now there is also you with whom he can spend time with. Itachi really appreciates this. The fact that you have an entire cult at your disposal yet you only really show yourself to him flatters him more and more as time passes on. Even if he can’t see you, he can certainly sense you and even that is enough for him. It is quite ambiguous coming from him but despite the crimes that he has committed, Itachi has still morals. He got too comfortable with you, has allowed himself to delve too deep into those emotions and now he has no way out anymore. You two are so different. You are a celestial being that is essentially immortal and he is only human. He’s probably only going to be a fleeting moment in your life but his emotions has long left his control and act unreasonable. Despite applying all logic to his case, his own emotions don’t want to listen to him as they long to be with you. His determination to die at the hands of his brother waver greatly the longer he spends time with you, a gravity pulling him towards you.

Sasuke Uchiha

💙If Sasuke becomes fixated on a person, he is ready to go to great lengths and throw everything and everyone around him away to reach his goal. It applies to his desire for revenge as well as the intense obsession he develops that is centered around you. He has never believed in any celestial existence as the extermination of his entire clan has taught him that there is no such thing as a god protecting the people in his land. But your existence proves him otherwise. Even amidst his obsession, there is this burning bitterness and rage he holds against you though. Where has been your protection when his entire clan was eradicated? Why didn’t you do anything? There is pain even amongst his anger as he lashes out on you and blames you. He doesn’t care about the fact that you are a literal goddess. Your powers can’t be good for anything after all if you just allow the people in the Leaf Village to commit such a genocide. He wants answers, demands them, just to understand why it had to be his clan that had to suffer so much yet you can’t give him those answers. Instead there is a pitiful look on your face that almost drives him mad.

💙He hates how your mere presence always manages to drain all negative energy from him as he feels like his own emotions are controlled when he is around you yet it has never stopped him from approaching you. The grudge he holds against you and others of your kind for doing absolutely nothing to prevent the death of so many people. You probably think that you’re better just because you are a goddess, don’t you? Despite this, his anger almost seems to fuel his obsession with you. Sasuke yearns to have you, to be in possession of you and he is also steered by a desire to be in control of you. You are used to everyone being beneath you and as if to punish you for your ignorance about his own clan’s tragic fate, Sasuke wants to show you what it feels like to struggle and to experience helplessness. He doesn’t know just yet if he can beat you in a fight and he is wise enough to not underestimate you but he swears to you that one day he will gain enough power to keep you permanently by his side and to teach you not to pity him. And he’s getting stronger and stronger with each passing day…

#yandere naruto #yandere naruto shippuden #yandere indra #yandere indra otsutsuki #yandere madara #yandere madara uchiha #yandere obito #yandere obito uchiha #yandere shisui #yandere shisui uchiha #yandere itachi #yandere itachi uchiha #yandere sasuke #yandere sasuke uchiha

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prettynice8 · 5 months

Text

Kinkmas Day 1: Rimming

Paring: Kakashi Hatake x male reader

This guy

Warnings: Rimming DUH, anal fingering, teasing, slight begging, little bottom twinky fuck me daddy feminine male reader, no actual sex, enemies to lovers? I think that's it

Word Count: 1,307

Fuck him. Fuck his pretty silver hair that I just want to run my hands through while he eats my ass, his muscular form that must have been crafted by the sage of six paths himself, his beautiful attention catching eye, his mysterious mask, his (what I hope is) insanely large dick. Just fuck the whole thing (I wish).

Of course, the only person you could be thinking of is the one and only Kakashi Hatake, copy ninja of the leaf, and the hottest mother fucker to ever exist. Oh god did you have an obsession with him. Having wet dream after wet dream about him, screaming his name while masturbating, and it doesn't help that you catch him staring at you all the time almost as much as he catches you staring at him.

This whole obsession started a month ago when you saw him reading one of his goddamn sex books in the middle of the street. You walked over to him and asked why he was reading erotica in a VERY public place, and he just looked at you "Because it's hot." he stated matter-of-factly. The nerve of some people, from then on you two would see each other walking around, say hi, go your respective ways. It's been that way ever since; stolen glances and fuck me eyes since.

Until now. You were done with man after man not fulfilling you like you think he may be able to, maybe, it's a complete guess but he just gives off the vibe. Anyway, you saw him reading his demented sex shit again when you decided to make your fantasies a reality once and for all. You walk behind the bench he was sitting on and read the words on the page and HOLY SHIT IT'S GAY RIMMING. You mentally scream into the pillow like a 15-year-old girl who just found out her crush is available, which is kind of like what's going on.

"Uhm, can I help you?" Kakashi questions in his horny inducing voice, with a little annoyance sprinkled in through all the underwear wetting.

"Oh sorry, am I disturbing a public jack off sesh." You coldly state with a smirk on your face, hand doing a little masturbation gesture.

"Do you mind." he says rhetorically, the twinge of annoyance from earlier much more noticeable now.

"If you didn't want someone to talk to you then why are you reading 'that' on a public bench in the middle of the street again?" you sassily question.

"Because I wanted to read outside, privately." He answers, you look at him like he's the dumbest man in the whole world.

"Then why, in the absolute fuck, are you reading in the street you attention whore." you rhetorically ask, the previous sass now developed into genuine frustration as you walk around the bench to be right in front of him.

"That's cute coming from you." he chuckles.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" you ask.

"Don't act dumb, you have been trying to get into my pants for weeks now." he exclaims, you start to blush, ensuring that what he said is true.

"Don't act so high and mighty with me. I've seen you look at me too bitch." you state. He stands up, his large frame completely dwarfing you, his eyes almost angry. You do a cartoonish and audible gulp, the fear enhancing the horniness.

It's quiet for a while until he leans down,

"And what of it" he whispers in your ear and grabs you ass tightly, not caring if anyone sees. You let out a soft yelp at the sudden sign of attraction. You're completely stunned, not knowing what to do. He realizes this and before you can think any more, he holds you close and grabs your ass tighter and whispers,

"My place." It wasn't even a question or a request, it was a demand. One that even given the choice you wouldn't say no to.

Before you know it you're already on your way to Kakashi's place. He's giving you a piggyback ride to save time, and because he wants that juicy cake as quickly as possible, his mind is going crazy with your legs wrapping around him.

Finally, you make it to his place and immediately you both rush into his room. Right when you both enter you get off his back and onto the bed. Your legs spread as he takes off both your pants and underwear and tosses them both to the side.

"Now, turn around and bend over." already making demands and he hasn't even bought you dinner yet, not that you care because without a single moment of hesitation you are already on your hands and knees.

Without warning he immediately put his long skilled digit into your readily awaiting hole. He moves slowly as he starts to open you up. All the while you let out quiet moans.

"Your little moans are so cute." he said. Suddenly you feel a second finger enter you. He stays at the same excruciatingly slow pace. While he's pumping his fingers, he starts to feel the rest of your ass, rubbing it sensually and squeezing at the sensitive skin.

He puts in the third finger and his speed starts to pick up. Now your moans start to get louder as his three fingers stay at a steady and quick speed. He pumps them in and out over and over with precise repetition.

his fingers start to curl inside you, twisting and turning inside you perfectly. It's at this point that you are officially a moaning mess. The all too familiar feeling churns into your stomach. His fingers start turning and hitting your sweet spot consistently.

Then the feeling of relief washes over you as his fingers twist and hit your spot for the final time. You let out a loud moan and crash into the bed, cumming without even him putting his dick in you.

But he wasn't satisfied with just feeling inside you as he picked you up and brought you to your hands and knees again.

"Not yet sweetheart." he says as he starts to rub and massage your ass cheeks, caressing them to his desire. He gives you a quick and sharp spank, you cry out in pleasure from the surprise as he watches you ass jiggle in awe.

He puts his mask down and licks your ass, putting small and harmless love bites from time to time. Each lick and bite getting closer and closer to your hole. You start begging him to just devour you already. "Please, god I've fantasized about this please." you cry out, wanting, no, craving for his tongue.

"Well since you asked so nicely." he calmly states, though you can tell the excitement in his voice, aware that he wants this too. He licks lines on your cheek until FINALLY taking small licks on your entrance. Your spine chills in anticipation and pleasure and your breathing becomes shaky.

He licks languid circles on your entrance slowly. His hands are still caressing the rest of your ass. Your legs are shaking due to the stimulation and your cock is as hard as can be. He stops his simple licking and finally puts his tongue in your ass.

It starts off slowly but develops quickly into a fast pace, his tongue going in and out of you. You are now officially a moaning mess as his tongue is assaulting your hole. He continues this and then starts to put his fingers back in your hole while his mouth is still doing its job.

The familiar feeling in your stomach starts to build up again as his talented hands and mouth works on your asshole. Your moans crescendo until finally you climax for the second time of the night.

And you're not done yet.

THE END

#naruto #naruto x reader smut #naruto x reader #naruto x male reader #naruto x male reader smut #x reader #x male reader #anime x reader #x male reader smut #x reader smut #anime x reader smut #anime x male reader smut #kakashi #kakashi smut #kakashi x reader #kakashi x male reader smut #kakashi x male reader #kakashi x reader smut

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worstjourney · 5 months

Text

The Millennials' Polar Expedition

A year ago today (23 Nov 2022), I launched Worst Journey Vol.1 at the Scott Polar Research Institute. This is the text of the speech I gave to the lovely people who turned up to celebrate.

As many of you know, my interest in the Terra Nova Expedition was sparked by Radio 4’s dramatisation of The Worst Journey in the World, now 14 years ago. The story is an incredible story, and it got its claws into me, but what kept me coming back again and again were the people. I couldn’t believe anyone so wonderful had ever really existed. So when I finally succumbed to obsession and started reading all the books, it was the expedition members’ own words which I most cherished. These were not always easy to come by, though, so plenty of popular histories were consumed as well. Reading both in tandem, it soon became clear that, while there were some good books out there, there was a lot of sloppy research in the polar echo chamber as well.

I also discovered that no adaptation had attempted to get across the full scope of the expedition. There has never been a full and fair dramatic retelling, all having been limited by time, budget, or ideology from telling the whole story truthfully. I was determined that my adaptation would be both complete and accurate, and be as accountable as possible to those precious primary documents and the people who wrote them.

So the years of research began. I moved to Cambridge to be able to drop in at SPRI and make the most of the archives. Getting to Antarctica seemed impossible, but I went to New Zealand to get at least that much right, and on the way back stayed with relatives in Alberta, the most Antarctic place I could realistically visit. I gathered reference for objects wherever I could. Because Vol.1 takes place mainly on the Terra Nova, which is now a patch of sludge on the seabed off Greenland, I cobbled together a Franken-Nova in my mind, between the Discovery up in Dundee and the Star of India in San Diego. I spent a week on a Jubilee Sailing Trust ship in order to depict tall-ship sailing correctly. I’m sure I’ve still got loads of things wrong, but I did all I could, to get as much as I could, right.

But still, everyone I met who had been to Antarctica said, “you can’t understand Antarctica until you’ve been there, and you can’t tell the story without understanding Antarctica; you have to go.” So I applied to the USAP’s Antarctic Artists and Writers Program, with faint hope, as they do “Ahrt” and I draw cartoons. But I must have blagged a good grant proposal, because a year after applying, I was stepping out of a C-17 onto the Ross Ice Shelf. The whole trip would have been worth it just to stand there, turn in a circle, and see how all the familiar photographs fit together. But the USAP’s generosity didn’t stop there, and in the next month I saw Hut Point, Arrival Heights, the Beardmore Glacier (including the moraine on which the Polar Party stopped to “geologise”), and Cape Crozier, and made three visits to the Cape Evans hut. Three! On top of the visual reference I got priceless qualitative data. The hardness of the sound. The surprising warmth of the sun. The sugary texture of the snow. The keen edge on a slight breeze. The way your fingertips and toes can start to go when the rest of you is perfectly warm. The SHEER INSANITY of Cape Crozier. The veterans were right – I couldn’t have drawn it without having been there, but now I have, and can, and I am more grateful than I can ever adequately express. With all these resources laid so copiously at my feet, all I had to do was sit down and draw the darn thing. Luckily I have some very sound training to back me up on that.

Now, this is all very well for the how of making the book, and, I hope, interesting enough. But why? Why am I putting so much effort into telling this story, and why now?

Well, it means a lot to me personally. To begin to understand why, you need to know that I grew up in the 80s and 90s, at the height of individualist, goal-oriented, success-driven, dog-eat-dog, devil-take-the-hindmost neoliberalism. It was just assumed that humans, when you get right down to it, were basically self-interested jerks, and I saw plenty of them around so I had no reason to question this assumption. The idea was that if you did everything right, and worked really hard, you could retire at 45 to a yacht in the Bahamas, and if you didn’t retire to a yacht, well, you just hadn’t tried hard enough. Character, in the sense of rigorous personal virtue, was for schmucks. What mattered was success. Even as my politics evolved, I still took it as a given that this was how the world worked, and that was how people generally were – after all, there was no lack of corroborating evidence. So: I worked really hard. I single-mindedly pursued my self-interest. I made sacrifices, and put in the time, and fought my way into my dream job and all the success I could have asked for.

And then I met the Terra Nova guys.

What struck me most about them was that even when everything was going wrong, when their expectations were shattered and they had to face the cruellest reality, they were still kind. Not backbiting, recriminating, blame-throwing, defensive, or mean, as one would expect – they were lovely to each other, patient, supportive, self-sacrificing; in fact the worse things got, the better they were. They still treated each other as friends even when it wasn’t in their self-interest, was even contrary to their self-interest. I didn’t know people could be like that. But there they were, in plain writing, being thoroughly, bafflingly, decent. Not just the Polar Party – everyone had to face their own brutal realities at some point, and they all did so with a grace I never thought possible.

It presented a very important question:

When everything goes belly-up, and you’re facing the worst, what sort of person will you be?

Or perhaps more acutely: What sort of person would you rather be with?

It was so contrary to the world I lived in, to the reality I knew – it was a peek into an alternate dimension, populated entirely with lovely, lovely people, who really, genuinely believed that “it’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game,” and behaved accordingly. It couldn’t be real. There had to be a deeper, unpleasant truth: that was how the world worked, after all. I kept digging, expecting to hit bottom at some point, but I only found more gold, all the way down. How could I not spend my life on this?

Mythology exists to pass on a culture’s values, moral code, and survival information – how to face challenges and prevail. Scott’s story entered the British mythology, and had staying power, because it exemplified those things so profoundly for the culture that created and received it. But the culture changed, and there were new values; Scott’s legacy was first inverted and then cast aside. The new culture needed a new epic hero. You’d think it would be Amundsen, the epitome of ruthless success, but “Make Plan – Execute Plan – Go Home” has no mythic value, so he didn’t stick. The hero needed challenges, he needed setbacks, and he needed to win, on our terms.

Shackleton! Shackleton was a winner! Shackleton told us what we knew to be true and wanted to hear at epic volume: that if you want something badly enough, and try really hard, you will succeed! (Especially if you can control the narrative.) Scott, on the other hand, tells us that if you want something badly enough, and try really hard . . . you may nevertheless die horribly in the snow. Nobody wants to hear that! What a downer! I think it’s no coincidence that Shackleton exploded into popular culture in the late 90s and has dominated it ever since: he is the mythic hero of the zeitgeist. I am always being asked if I’ll be doing Shackleton next. He has six graphic novels already! That is plenty! But people still want to tell and be told his story, because it’s a heroic myth that validates our worldview.

That’s why I am so determined to tell the Scott story, because Scott is who we don’t realise we need right now – and Wilson, and Bowers, and Cherry, and Atch, and all the rest. The Terra Nova Expedition is the Millennials’ polar expedition. We’ve worked really hard, we’ve done everything we were supposed to, we made what appeared to be the right decisions at the time, and we’re still losing. Nothing in the mythology we’ve been fed has prepared us for this. No amount of positive attitude is going to change it. We have all the aphorisms in the world, but what we need is an example of how to behave when the chips are down, when the Boss is not sailing into the tempest to rescue us, when the Yelcho is not on the horizon. When circumstances are beyond your power to change, how do you make the best of your bad situation? What does that look like? Even if you can’t fix anything, how do you make it better for the people around you – or at the very least, not worse? Scott tells us: you can be patient, supportive, and humble; see who needs help and offer it; be realistic but don’t give in to despair; and if you’re up against a wall with no hope of rescue, go out in a blaze of kindness. We learn by imitation: it’s easy to say these things, but to see them in action, in much harder circumstances than we will ever face, is a far greater help. And to see them exemplified by real, flawed, complicated people like us is better still; they are not fairy-tale ideals, they are achievable. Real people achieved them.

My upbringing in the 80s milieu of selfishness, which set me up to receive the Scott story so gratefully, is hardly unique. There are millions of us who are hungry for a counter-narrative. My generation is desperate for demonstrations of caring, whether it’s activism or social justice or government policies that don’t abandon the vulnerable. We’ve seen selfishness poison the world, and we want an alternative. The time for competition is past; we must cooperate or perish, but we don’t know how to do it because our mythology is founded on competition. The Scott story, if told properly, explodes the Just World Fallacy, and liberates us from the lie that has ruled our lives: that you make your own luck. What happens, happens: what matters is how you respond to it. My obsession with accuracy is in part to honour the men, and in part because Cherry was the ultimate stickler and he’d give me a hard time if I didn’t, but also because, if I’m telling the story to a new generation, I’m damn well going to make sure we get that much RIGHT. It’s been really interesting to see, online, how my generation and the next have glommed onto polar exploration narratives, not as thrilling feats of derring-do, but as emotional explorations of found family and cooperative resilience. We love them because they love each other, and loving each other helps get them through, and we want – we need – to see how that’s done. It’s time to give them the Terra Nova story, and to tell it fully, fairly, and honestly, in all its complexity, because that is how their example is most useful to us. Not as gods, and not as fools, but as real human beings who were excellent to each other in the face of disaster. I only hope that I, a latecomer to their ways, can do them justice.

#scott expedition #terra nova expedition #the worst journey in the world #captain scott #polar party #robert falcon scott #birdie bowers #edward adrian wilson #bill wilson #character #millennials #polar exploration #heroic age #adventure #sociology #neoliberalism

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archie-sunshine · 3 months

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Mb if youve already answered this before, but what are your thoughts on Ratchma? (Not just the sexy bits but also just the. Mess that is their relationship lol)

ooohhh girl....

Ok so this sat in my askbox for a bit, not because I don't have ideas, but because I have... far too many. I FINALLY got my shit together though. Ok first of all I'd like to say this post is a little bit pharma heavy, i feel like I would write my ratchet prettyyyyy close to canon?? I think i take a few big steps away from canonicity with my pharma

SECOND. here's what I think ratchma's vibe was as simply as possible

I think it began pretty normal all things considered!! I think he was a little bit clingy, a bit possessive, but like... it becomes odd when he's feeling like this about someone he's not even dating.

This SHOULD have been mitigated when they started dating. it was not. because Pharma is decent at hiding his weird side, and Ratchet was too busy to notice really, because he had a job and he cared a lot about it.

TW: UNDER THE CUT CONTAINS MENTIONS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE, CODEPENDENCY, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS, INSANITY/MENTAL BREAKS, BAD MENTAL HEALTH, AND TRAUMA THOUGH THESE DESCRIPTIONS ARE NOT INCREDIBLY IN DEPTH PLEASE BE SAFE!

During this time I do think pharma's BIG issue was that heeeee can imagine his way through anything. I think he was more in love with the idea of ratchet than he was with how ratchet actually was. I feel like pharma based a lot of his desire for ratchet less on him as a person, and more on his skill as a medic, and the rank he perceived him to have. It wasn't really out of manipulation or power grabbing so much as it was like... an obsession with an idealized version of Ratchet that doesn't really exist.

I feel like obviously that would kind of lead to some mild gaslighting on pharma's part. where if ratchet did something that didn't fit with his worldview, he would act like it didn't happen, talk about it like ratchet did what he wanted. Again, I think he got away with this because Ratchet was genuinely just too fucking busy to deal with it.

I think as well, his downfall was also his possessiveness, I don't think it's too much of a leap to say pharma would have been at best cold to those he saw as a threat to their relationship, and at worst, outwardly combative. I think he'd take a swing either socially or figuratively at whoever was 'in his way' if he thought he could get away with it though.

I think on ratchet's part, it's really difficult to be in a relationship with someone who puts you on a pedestal like that. To know everything you say has a 50/50 chance of going in one ear and out the other if they don't think it 'makes sense' for you to think that

Again, I don't think ratchet was really helpless, but judging by the way he ended his relationship with pharma by canonically GHOSTING HIM, I like making sense of that for ratchet by saying I think he had a few pretty good reasons not to end things properly, namely that pharma probably wouldn't believe him.

SIDE NOTE- PHARMA'S SANITY

Okay so I've seen some discourse about people who think pharma was always totally crazy, so i'd like to start by saying I don't think pharma was as cutthroat and murderous as he was at the end of the delphi arc, I think he's always been a liiiiittle bit off. I think pharma is a tragic character doomed by the narrative, I do think he had a hand in that narrative.

I've put together a helpful little chart here to illustrate!!

I fully believe that pharma was pushed to the brink by the situation with the djd, I think he would never be the person he is now without that situation. I feel like it's kind of stupid and naive to say that pharma was always gonna end up like that bc he was a little toxic and weird and bad for ratchet, I think having to betray your oath and butcher your patients for an insane t-cog addict is enough to really drive someone insane.

I feel like pharma dives off the deep end with wild abandon when he realizes Ratchet has met him again at his absolute worst, bringing around someone he seems to really adore(drift), now knowing that ratchet will never trust him again and that he sees him as a murderer and monster and there's know way he can delude himself out of that. I think he sort of goes 'MAY AS WELL!!! NOTHING MATTERS!! AHAHAHA'

NOW AS FOR. *AHEM* EVERYTHING ELSE.

I think pharma brings all of that possessiveness and insanity directly to bed with him. I think he would do anything for ratchet, i think he wants him so bad it makes him think terrible thoughts. I think he'd dissect that man if he got the chance, I think he's the type of guy to be like 'i gotta crawl into his ribcage or I'm not close enough to him' you know??

basically I think pharma is a simp and wants to rip Ratchet apart with his teeth. I think he would say 'oh yeah ratchet whatever you want to do is fine!' and he would mean 'i would do anything to feel your warmth against me for even one fucking second, youre mine, you are mine forever i will die without you'

on a more lighthearted note, Pharma is the type of guy to be like 'PAH! I WOULD NEVER STOOP SO LOW AS TO HAVE A MEDICAL KINK!!' while having the worlds most massive medical kink. I think if he got to do Ratchet's physical he would cum so hard he died. I think pharma has a thing for control, but he can spin literally any situation in his head so that he's in control, and so no matter what position he's in with Ratchet, he's pretty happy.

With anyone else though, he tops or power bottoms, no question, no room for switching.

OUGHHH GOD THIS WAS WAY WAY LONGER THAN I EXPECTED IT TO BE!!!!! AND GOT SO FUCKIN HEAVY I GUESS!! ANYWAYS!! THANKS FOR TUNING IN!!

#long post #my art #archie answers #transformers #my requests #mtmte #valveplug #/nsfw #but only a little #pharma #ratchet #tw: abuse #tw: trauma #tw: psychological abuse #tw: abusive relationship #ratchma

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nyonyen · 1 month

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NSFW ALPHABET - satoru

𝕥𝕨: self-harm, yandere themes obviously

let’s treat this like he’s obsessed with you i.e. you’re on the same level as randal. otherwise, he’d be at best indifferent and at worst murderous. yandere rules, ok? ok! (also ignore the fact that dreaming of a 'true' satoru is only possible if you're in a randal-controlled dream. it just isn't convenient otherwise duhh)

AO3

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

quite doting, lays with you and plays with your hair while looking at you like you’re the only person in the world… doesn’t shut up either, even once you’re fast asleep

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

satoru loves his face! it’s been so lovingly crafted by randal’s psyche, why wouldn’t he? he loves your arms… they’re so soft and fragile. everything about you is his favorite, however

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

very into cumming as deep inside of you as he can, no matter if that’s your mouth or otherwise! it’s all about claiming :)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

has sex with your ‘leftover data’ every time you wake up (same with randal)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

can he truly have any experience as a dream denizen? he certainly has knowledge!

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

any position in which satoru can see ALL of you is perfect in his eyes. it’s his one requirement!

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

unintentionally goofy in his obsession and worship, but he will pull out the stereotypical anime-boy-rub-head-smile-eyes-closed move

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

it’s completely smooth like no hair follicles even thought of existing there… makes sense

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

head over heels, truly. he loves to try and meld with your body during sex, to become one with you once and for all

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

in the same way he hurts himself, he often masturbates to see if he can feel anything. he sometimes combines the two! what a freak

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

let’s all be real with each other rn: satoru has a thing for cutting, blood, the whole nine yards. he likes knowing he can truly feel, it gives him this intense sense of exhilaration… he chases that same high with you. other than that, he’s into anything that will allow him to feel your love: biting, scratching, hitting. he doesn’t say he’s masochistic per say, but he is

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

the club room, of course!

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

simply seeing you show up in the dreamscape gets him feeling quite excited, in all ways!

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

would never say mean things to you, or hurt you without hurting himself too, you know?

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

satoru is probably the king of giving in any regard, he'd rip his own heart out for you if it meant you were happy. this absolutely translates to oral, and he does prefer it if you sit on his face/straddle his chest. definitely likes it when you go down on him too! loves it when you dig your nails into his hips and thighs to keep him grounded

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

starts off very sensual, but becomes insanely rough and fast towards his release. he can't help it, don't be mad :(

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

much prefers to take his time with you, but knows that your time with him is limited. he makes the best of it :)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

as a creation of randal’s, it's only fair that he's in the same boat: nothing is off the table for satoru! he will do anything to please you. anything.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

ah, the benefits of being but a dream… so idealized in every way :)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

when it comes to himself, he has to improvise toys of pleasure, since no one is having a dream to allow effective/permanent/useful creation to occur… but once you show up? he loves using the proper ones

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

i don't think teasing is in his vocabulary with how desperate he is. maybe it's not on purpose— he just relishes in the feeling of your skin too much, and it distracts him!

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

satoru is very loud, full of praises and proclamations of love

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

at first, he saw you as a threat to his eternal friendship with randal, but came to realize that he was just as, if not more, enthralled with you

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

truly, it can be whatever you desire, but it's about 6 inches

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

incredibly high, so he's roaring to go whenever you so desire. he keeps it under wraps so as to not run you off, but with the way he keeps finding excuses to hug you from behind…

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

the only way this man can properly ‘sleep’ is by offing himself, and even then, he'll show right back up when you dream… so, no sleep!

#satoru tsukada x reader #tsukada satoru x reader #satoru ranfren x reader #ranfren x reader #✎

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imagine-you · 6 months

Text

Don't Blame Me (1/3) [Billy Hargrove/Reader; eventual Eddie Munson/Reader; Billy Hargrove/Reader/Eddie Munson]

Summary: One boyfriend clawing his way free from the clutches of the Upside Down once it decided to unleash its own brand of hell on Hawkins was a miracle you weren't sure you entirely deserved. When another previously dead boyfriend shows up on your doorstep and throws your whole world into chaos, you start to wonder if it's a blessing or a curse. You're terrified you'll have to choose between your first love and the guy who saved you from yourself, but will that turn out to be the least of your worries? As word begins to spread around town of a masked killer draining Hawkins residents of their blood, you realize you're a lot closer to danger than you've ever been before, but maybe, just this once, it's not such a bad thing after all. Word Count: 6.3k Author's Notes: Somehow, this was born out of an obsession with Don't Blame Me by Taylor Swift and a need to write a darker fic. I wrote the ghostface fic last year for Halloween along with a demon!Billy and vampire!Eddie fic…and somehow they're all meshing together to create one big fucked up Halloween fic this year. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing at this point, but uhhhhh enjoy my insanity??

Read on AO3

"Don't blame me," were the first words Billy Hargrove ever said to you. It was quickly followed by: "It's the freak's fault."

"Oh, forgive me for walking," Eddie Munson said in a mocking tone, holding his hands up in surrender. "Blame Mr. Mullethead over here for being too cool to look where he's going," Eddie sneered at Billy.

At that point in time, you didn't really care whose fault it was. You were only concerned about the fact that your shirt was now covered in soda and you were either going to have to go home or suffer through the rest of the day with a soaked shirt. "Shit," you sighed, realizing you were just going to have to go home. You would have to make up a test, but you were starting not to care. After a day that had started off with a stubbed toe, a burned finger, and now a sticky shirt, you would rather just suffer through the rest of the day from the comfort of your own bedroom. "Whatever," you dismissed. "Just another reason I should get the fuck out of here."

You turned, not bothering to spare a second look for the other two, before making a break for the cafeteria doors.

"Shit," you heard someone mutter before footsteps took off in your direction. You refused to look back to see which of the two dickheads who had spilled soda all over you was behind you, prompting the guy to huff in irritation. "Just, damn it, would you hold on a second? Where the hell are you going?"

"Home," you snapped, allowing yourself a brief moment to glance over your shoulder to confirm that Billy Hargrove was in fact following you.

"You don't even have a car," Billy pointed out, surprising you. Today was the first day you exchanged anything resembling a conversation with Billy and you had just been living with the assumption that he had no idea you existed. "What are you gonna do? Walk home?"

"Maybe," you answered, quickening your pace in an attempt to get rid of Billy. You were cold and pissed off and you wanted nothing more than to just pull on a pair of pajamas and crawl into bed. "Why are you still following me?" You asked when you realized he hadn't taken the hint that you wanted him to get lost.

"Look, will you stop being so damn stubborn and just talk to me for a second?"

You reluctantly turned to face Billy, abruptly stopping him in his tracks. "Okay. What do you want?"

"I'm not exactly taking the blame or anything here," Billy started, hastily reaching out to grab your backpack and sling it over his shoulder, "but the least I can do is give you a ride home."

You studied him for a moment, half-sure he was only offering because he wanted an excuse to cut class. You also got the feeling that he was going to hold your backpack hostage until you agreed. It didn't take long for you to realize you didn't care about Billy’s motives as long as his offer worked out for the both of you. If you didn't have to walk home, then all the better. "Fine," you finally conceded with a shrug of your shoulders. You stepped to the side, gesturing for Billy to walk by you. "Lead the way, then."

He watched you for a moment as if he thought you might turn and run the second he had his back to you. Finally, after a few more seconds of deliberation, Billy turned and started walking. You followed him, not entirely sure if you were making the right decision. You also couldn't stop your gaze from drifting, taking in the so-called 'fantastic ass' most of the girls had been going on about since Billy Hargrove showed up at the beginning of the year. You were forced to look away when Billy stopped at the doors leading out to the parking lot. He pushed open one of them, beckoning for you to pass him.

"Such a gentleman," you told him as you walked outside, catching the faint smirk on his face.

"Yeah, well, it had to happen sometime," he drawled as he followed you. "It's that one over there," he told you, directing you towards his Camaro with a hand on the small of your back.

"I know," you pointed out with an amused smile in his direction. "You're not as subtle as you think."

"Well, she's the best thing to ever happen to me," Billy admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. "Why not show her off a little? She deserves it."

"She does," you agreed, smiling at the way Billy tried and failed not to light up at your praise. "She is really beautiful."

"Damn right she is," Billy purred, satisfaction bleeding through into his tone. When you looked up at him, you expected to see him gazing at his beloved car in adoration, but instead, he was watching you. You felt your cheeks flush, trying to hide the fact that you were feeling flustered from his attention. Billy was a notorious flirt and you didn't want to be like every other girl who had fallen prey to his charm.

"Ready to go?" You asked, lamely trying to shift the focus of the conversation. "I'm freezing."

"Shit, yeah, we should get you out of those wet clothes," Billy said, moving to open the passenger side door of his car for you. You didn't miss the hint of suggestion in his voice, but if you were going to survive even just five minutes alone in a car with Billy Hargrove, then you were just going to have to ignore it.

Once Billy pulled out of the school parking lot, you started offering him directions towards your house.

"So," you started, once Billy hit the long stretch of road that would lead to your house. "Graduation is coming up in a couple months."

"Yeah? What about it?" Billy's tone didn't waver, but from the way he started tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, you got the feeling that talking about graduation made him nervous.

"Nothing," you said, shrugging your shoulders. "Just wondering what you've got planned after it's all over."

Billy snorted, the sound half amused and half derisive. "I'm just trying to get to graduation. Haven't thought much about what comes after."

"Well," you started, not even sure where you were going with your sentence. You frowned thoughtfully out the window, trying to think of something to say, but accidentally letting silence fall over the car.

"Well?" Billy prompted with a glance at you. "There anything after that or you forget how to talk?"

You rolled your eyes, a reluctant grin pulling at your lips. "Maybe," you answered, refusing to admit that you were so nervous you didn't know how to talk to him. Billy was cool and suave and had all the girls at school in a chokehold. When you woke up that morning, you didn't expect to say two words to him, much less find yourself in his car and expected to keep up a conversation.

"Why do you walk to school every day?" Billy broke the silence, finally taking pity on you.

"I'm a senior in high school," you pointed out with a shrug of your shoulders. "I can't afford a car and I’m sure as hell not asking my mom to help me get one. And I’ll just feel really pathetic if I'm seen riding the bus, so I might as well take my only other option."

“What about your dad? He some kind of deadbeat or something? Can’t help his kid get a car?”

You snorted, not able to help the noise of contempt you made. “You could say that,” you answered. “He split a few years back and we haven’t heard from him since.”

“Sounds like a real piece of shit,” Billy observed with a frown.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “So, no car and no bus means I’ve got to walk. At least it’s just for a few more months. Once I graduate, I can get a job and figure all that shit out.”

"Well," Billy started, squinting his eyes at the road ahead, lost in thought.

"Well?" You mocked, drawing a surprised laugh from Billy.

"I could just drive you to school," he offered, shooting you a brief, searching look. "Wouldn't even make you chip in for gas money or anything."

"Why?" You couldn't help but wonder. Billy didn't seem like the kind of guy to dole out charity rides in his beloved car. "What's in it for you?"

"Just seems a shame, is all," he told you. "Someone like you freezing her ass off every day. Besides, it'll give us a chance to get to know each other a little better."

You let out an incredulous laugh, not sure how your life had gotten so spun around in just the matter of a few hours. "And you want to get to know me better?"

"I do," Billy responded with a nod of his head. "So, what do you think?" He asked as he pulled to a stop in front of your house. "You in?"

You knew immediately the answer you wanted to give, but you stopped yourself before you could say anything. It was crazy, right? You weren't supposed to accept rides from strangers, but Billy didn't feel strange to you. You didn't know him all that well, sure, but like he pointed out, you could always get to know him a bit better. There probably wasn't any harm in that. "Sure," you finally agreed, flashing him a grin. "I'm in."

There was a part of you that thought maybe Billy was just kidding around when he offered to drive you to school. Maybe it was his idea of a joke or a way to get under your skin, but he managed to surprise you when you stepped outside the next morning, and he was there waiting in your driveway. "Shit," you muttered as you turned to lock your front door. "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

You settled into a surprisingly easy pattern with Billy over the next few weeks. He picked you up, told you to ignore his stepsister in the backseat, and cranked up his music so loud that you could barely think. Half the time, you were able to actually hold some semblance of a conversation with either Billy or Max, but never both at the same time. It wasn't hard to figure out that they didn't exactly get along, but you weren't sure how to fix it. You probably shouldn't feel the need to fix it in the first place, but that was just who you were. You couldn't fix your own problems half the time, so why not try to fix everyone else's?

You forced yourself to keep your mouth shut, though. Billy rarely allowed you to see a different side to him than his usual cool demeanor, but when it was just the two of you in his car, he started to unwind just the tiniest bit. It started off slowly from singing along to the radio under his breath or nodding his head along to the music to letting slip bits and pieces of his life pre-Hawkins and talking about his plans for the future. They were all moments that you filed away to examine later, because you knew that if Billy knew just how much it meant to you that he was starting to let you in, then he would shut you out.

It didn't take long for you to realize Billy Hargrove was a broken person. He did his best to hide who he really was from everyone at school, but you were no stranger to suffering in silence. There was pain in his eyes every time he looked at you and you wanted nothing more than to heal him.

You thought that more than anything, maybe he just needed a friend. He needed someone to genuinely care about him, because he didn't seem to have anyone. His mom wasn't in the picture and from the way Billy spoke about him, it sounded like his father was a complete jackass. Max didn't seem fond of Billy and you were sure his stepmom felt the same way. He had fans, not friends, at school and enemies he made with every biting, sarcastic comment.

So, yeah, you could be his friend. It wasn't all that much of a hardship, because once Billy started to allow his walls to come down around you, you came to the startling conclusion that you genuinely liked him.

By the time spring break rolled around, you realized you were going to miss seeing Billy every day at school. You shouldn't have worried, though, because that Monday afternoon you were roused from your bed by the sound of someone honking a car horn from your driveway. "Fuck," you groaned, knowing there was only one person who was capable of annoying you out of bed during spring break.

You rushed to pull on the pair of jeans you had left on your floor the day before and tried to make sure you didn't look like a complete mess as you passed your vanity mirror. By the time you made it outside, Billy had started keeping up a steady rhythm with the car horn, only stopping once he noticed you.

"What the hell are you doing?" You asked once you were in his passenger seat. “You’re lucky my mom is at work or she would’ve called the cops on you.”

"Just thought we could do something," he offered with a shrug of his shoulders. "Beats you moping around your house all day because you miss my face."

“You caught me,” you drawled, putting a hand to your chest. “The pictures all over my room weren’t enough. I just had to get a glimpse of the real thing.”

“I knew it!” Billy crowed with a delighted laugh. “What do you say, then? Wanna get out of here?”

"Okay," you agreed with a nod of your head. "So, what'd you have in mind?"

You ended up going for a burger and fries that day and to the movies on Wednesday. You dragged Billy to the arcade on Thursday and let him take you to the quarry on Saturday. He seemed to content to simply throw rocks into the water and smoke through half a pack of cigarettes, all the while letting you ramble on about everything you needed to do before you graduated.

Billy took a drag before he shook his head. "You worry too much," he sighed, shooting you an annoyed look. "You're gonna graduate and go off to school and land some job making a bunch of money. You'll get out of here and forget about all this bullshit," he told you, waving his cigarette in the air as he gestured towards the town.

There was a hint of melancholy in his tone that told you that what Billy was really worried about was that you would forget him. "Fuck that," you found yourself saying, moving until you could stand at his side. "We are going to graduate and get summer jobs. Then we'll get an apartment, because who would be better roommates than us, right? And then we'll figure it out from there. But I'm not gonna just forget about you. You're stuck with me," you told him, delighting in the rare, pleased smile that tugged at his lips.

"Sounds like a plan," he agreed, briefly bumping his shoulder against yours before taking another drag from his cigarette. "A fucking stupid plan on your part, but it works for me."

"Good," you told him. "Now, let's go get something to eat. I'm starving."

After spring break, your routine with Billy changed. Instead of dropping you off at your house first, he chose to get Max home before driving out to a local burger joint. You paid just as often as Billy did, letting him know you were just as invested in your friendship as he was and you weren’t looking to take advantage of him. Billy seemed to think it was stupid, but you didn’t care.

By the time summer was on the horizon, Billy had firmly cemented himself into your life as your best friend. There was no doubt in your mind that the bond you shared with him was special, and in a roundabout way, you had Eddie Munson and his clumsiness to thank for that.

You depended on Billy to get you through the day and you looked forward to whatever scathing comments he had to make about his day or fellow classmates and teachers. You couldn't wait to hear him sing along to Billy Idol or Bon Jovi, growing bolder each day and letting himself unwind around you. You loved the sound of his laugh and the way his eyes lit up when he got you to sing along to the radio with him. You found yourself talking more about your future together and which apartments around town you might be able to afford as senior year came to an end.

You didn't even realize how much your feelings for Billy had evolved until you were leaving school one day in late May.

You walked outside, shielding your eyes against the sun, before scanning the parking lot. When you saw him, it felt like someone punched you in the gut. Billy was leaning up against his car, waiting for you to find him. It was usual and routine, but the second your eyes met his across the parking lot, a terrifying feeling poured through you. You felt like someone had just tipped your world to the side. Your breath left you all in one rush as you scrambled to pin down what was so different about this time. It took you entirely too long to realize what had stopped you in your tracks.

Want.

You wanted Billy. It felt all-consuming, causing your mind to spin in a dozen different directions.

You wanted Billy to take your hand and press a kiss to your lips. You wanted to sneak him through your bedroom window so he could hold you close all night long. You wanted more than dinners and movies and shared laughter. You wanted a next step and a next, until both of your lives were so inextricably joined that there was no question that wherever one of you went, the other would follow.

You knew you probably looked like you were having a meltdown when his expression morphed from one of expectation to one of concern. You forced yourself to take a deep, albeit shaky, breath and put one foot in front of the other until you were standing in front of him.

"Hey," you made yourself say. "Ready to go?"

Billy squinted at you before looking you up and down. "You doing alright? You looked like you weren't sure if you wanted to come over here. Did something happen?"

"What? No!" You scoffed, turning away from him so he wouldn’t see you trying to school your expression into something that didn’t make you look like a lovestruck idiot. "Of course I wanted to come over here. With you," you added, wincing at your own ineptitude.

"Okay," Billy finally allowed, drawing out the word. "Get in," he said, gesturing for you to climb into the passenger seat.

Once you were aware of your feelings for Billy, it seemed to be all you could think about. It wasn't even when you were around him, either. Lying in bed at night, you wished he was there with you. Every little mundane act of your life felt like it would be made completely better if Billy was just there with you and you weren't sure how long you could go on hiding what you wanted from him.

"So," Billy started on the last Friday of your senior year. "Want to go out for dinner tomorrow? Celebrate our impending freedom?"

"Sounds good," you agreed, staring out the passenger side window. Every time Billy asked you to hang out, you felt a little thrill shoot through you. What did it mean? Was it just as friends or was he also just trying to find ways to spend more time with you? You tried not to get your hopes up, because you didn’t want to ruin your friendship with Billy, but you couldn’t stop yourself from contemplating all the possibilities. "Burgers?" You suggested with a quick look at him.

"Nah," Billy answered, pulling to a stop in front of your house. "I've got something else in mind. Be ready by seven," he ordered.

You weren't sure what you were expecting, but Billy bringing you to one of the best Italian places within a twenty-mile radius of Hawkins wasn't it.

"What are we doing here?" You couldn't help but ask, hoping he wouldn't find offense in the question. By ‘something else,’ you had assumed Billy maybe meant going out for pizza, but the restaurant you were staring up at looked so far out of your usual price range that you weren’t even sure how either of you could afford it.

"Just thought we could try something new," Billy answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

When you looked at him, you noticed that he was wearing a pair of jeans without any holes or rips in the knees. His shirt was buttoned up and his bomber jacket was nowhere in sight. You weren't sure why Billy dressing up made you feel nervous, but you were suddenly aware of how clammy your hands felt.

"Wait there a second," Billy told you before he got out of his car. He rounded the hood before pulling the passenger door open, gesturing for you to get out.

Billy led you inside the restaurant, informing the maître d’ that he had a reservation for Hargrove. A waiter led you back to a table and Billy pulled a chair out for you, gesturing for you to sit down. You could feel your cheeks flush and you weren't sure if you looked as unsure as you felt, but once it was just the two of you at the table, you started to feel like everything would be okay. You were back on sure footing, because this was just a regular dinner with Billy, right? He was only going all out because he wanted to celebrate the fact that you were both about to finish high school.

It wasn't until Billy slid a menu over towards you that it all finally started to click into place for you.

"Order whatever you want, okay? I'm buying." There was a waver to his voice that had you flicking your gaze up from the menu to look at him.

You studied Billy for a moment, trying to figure out why the hell he sounded so nervous, when you got it.

"Is this a date?" You blurted with a startled look at Billy.

Billy rolled his eyes before shaking his head in fake dismay. "I thought you were the smart one, y'know? It took you long enough to figure it out. Thought you would've got it when I took you here instead of Burger Barn for the fiftieth time."

You weren't sure how to react for a moment, trying and failing to process the fact that you were on a date with your best friend, before the rest of his words sunk in. You let out a disbelieving laugh before grabbing a breadstick from the basket in the middle of the table. You ripped it in two before throwing half at Billy. He let out a thrilled, shocked laugh before he picked up the breadstick and pointedly took a bite out of it.

You weren't the kind for flowery bits of prose to describe your every waking moment. You would never be described as dreamy or wistful, but you couldn't deny that your first date with Billy felt entirely and completely magical.

By the time he was dropping you off at home, you realized you never wanted it to end. You hesitated before getting out of the car, shooting Billy an unsure look. Finally, you worked up all your courage and kissed him. Billy froze the moment your lips touched his and you were briefly worried that you had gone too fast. You shouldn't have been scared, though, because Billy suddenly jolted against you, as if springing to life, before his hand was in your hair and guiding you closer towards him.

By the time you pulled away, you had missed your curfew by ten minutes and you couldn't help the urge to go for broke.

"Wanna come up? I can sneak you in."

"What if your mom finds out? She'll kill us."

You shrugged your shoulders, helpless against the grin you shot him. "Let's risk it anyway."

Billy's laugh was more than enough incentive to carry through with your plan.

That night proved to you what you had known all along. Billy really did belong at your side, in your bed, holding you close. It was even better than you expected and you hoped the tiny flame of warmth lighting you up from the inside never died out.

You snuck Billy into your room every night until graduation. Your mom already knew how you felt about Billy and while she was never going to be happy about anyone stealing her only kid away, she supported your plan to move in with Billy over the summer. Her graduation gift to you was to pay for your deposit on an apartment, which meant that you were able to find a place with Billy by the time he took a job as a lifeguard at the Hawkins community pool.

You took a job at Bradley’s Big Buy, since you only had your meager savings to rely on. It wasn't the most glamorous of jobs, but it would help you pay rent while you took classes at Hawkins Community College.

That June was shaping up to be one of the best months of your entire life. To anyone else, it might seem mundane and boring, but you didn't care. Every day, you got to wake up next to Billy in the bed you shared before getting up and making breakfast. Trading early morning kisses before leaving for classes got you through the day until Billy picked you up after your shift at the store. By the time you were crawling into bed, you felt satisfied and fulfilled, knowing you were falling asleep next to your best friend just to wake up with his arm around your waist the next morning, set to go through it all again.

You were so used to the routine you set with Billy that you felt bereft when it was abruptly broken.

It started for you when Billy didn't bother to pick you up from Bradley's after your shift. You were worried something happened to him, but you hoped that maybe he had simply fallen asleep on the couch after his shift at the pool. You had to call your mom to give you a ride home, since you didn't feel comfortable walking home alone at night.

When you didn't spot the Camaro in your designated parking spot at the complex, you started fearing the worst. You knew Billy wouldn't just not come home. Something bad had happened to him and you didn't have the first clue about what to do to find him.

Your options were limited, but you finally got your mom to let you borrow her car so you could drive around Hawkins and look for Billy. You didn't find him that night and you didn't find him the next night. You checked with every hospital in a fifty-mile radius, but there wasn't anyone admitted fitting Billy's description.

You finally tracked him down two days after he went missing from your life at the city pool. You knew there was something wrong with him when you caught sight of him sitting in the lifeguard chair wearing a sweatshirt. There was no way that Billy could be cold, and even when he was, he wasn't the type to cover up. He would never actually admit it to anyone, but you knew he liked to show off his physique. He worked hard for it and while you never wanted to begrudge him anything he wanted, the wandering eyes of Hawkins housewives bothered you. To see him covered up and hunched in on himself, gloomily sipping an Icee was just downright bizarre and completely out of character for him.

"Billy," you called, walking up to him. You noticed his shoulders tense before he tipped his head down to stare at you.

"What?" he asked, his tone cold and detached.

"What do you mean 'what'? Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick thinking you were dead in a ditch somewhere!" You weren’t sure whether to feel angry that he was being so flippant about his sudden absence from your life or relieved that he was alive.

"Around," he answered, casting his gaze up towards the sky. "Taking care of some things."

"Billy," you started, not sure how to continue. "Come home," you finally made yourself say. "Whatever this is or whatever happened, we'll figure it out, alright? Just come home," you begged, hating how your voice cracked on the word 'home.' Your home wasn't much of a home without Billy. You missed hearing his laugh and seeing how crazy his hair was every morning. You missed feeling his warmth in your bed next to you and the way he hummed whatever tune he had stuck in his head while he cooked breakfast. You missed his touch and his kisses and everything about him.

Billy let out a chuckle that sent a shiver down your spine. You knew it was probably crazy, but it sounded nothing like Billy. You suddenly felt like you were talking to a complete stranger. "There's nothing to figure out. I got bored, so I left.

"Bored," you repeated, trying to make sense of the word. "You got bored." It was like a switch had flipped and your whole world was turned upside down. You had always feared that Billy would get tired of domestic life with you, but you never once thought it would actually happen.

"Bored," Billy drawled with a nod of his head. "So, fuck off. And don't bother me again," he added, almost as an afterthought.

You wanted to yell and scream and try to get Billy to make some kind of sense, but you could feel tears beginning to sting your eyes and you didn't want to cry in front of him. "Fuck you," you snarled before turning away. You felt like you couldn't breathe as you walked away from him, every step taking you away from him another punch to your gut.

You were trying to figure out if it was worth it to walk home or if you should find a payphone to try to get in touch with your mom when you heard someone call your name.

You were surprised to see Max approaching you. "Are you okay? Did Billy--," she cut herself off, searching your expression with worry. "Did Billy hurt you?"

"You could say that," you scoffed, attempting to hide the pain you felt, but unable to stop the tears slipping down your face. "I think we broke up."

"Y/N," Max said, moving closer to you. "I don't think Billy's himself right now," she explained, her brow furrowing in concern. "But we're gonna try to fix it, okay? Just maybe steer clear of him until it's over."

"What? Until what's over? Max!" You called as she walked away from you. You saw Max rejoin her friends, all of them huddled by the fence that surrounded the pool. You had no idea what the hell was going on, but Max's words brought you just the tiniest bit of hope. Maybe you hadn't lost Billy after all. Maybe it was all just a big misunderstanding.

You continued to go about your life as much as you could despite the fact that Billy hadn't come home yet. The whole town was excited about the big Fourth of July celebration, but you couldn't have cared less. That was why you were at the store while most of the town was celebrating. You liked hanging out in the back room while the store was closed. It was better than going back to an empty apartment at any rate. Your boss was fine with it as long as you remembered to lock up and didn't make a mess, so you compensated him for his generosity by making sure the store looked perfect by the time it opened the next morning.

You weren't expecting to see anyone for the rest of the night, so you were surprised when a car pulled into the lot. You were ready to tell whoever it was that the store was closed, but when you noticed Max getting out of the car, helping an injured girl out of the back, you found yourself unlocking the door instead.

"Max? What the hell's going on?"

"We needed some supplies," she said, nodding towards the injured girl. "A lot of them."

You had no idea what was going on, but if Max was involved, then you wanted to help. "Take whatever you need," you told her, gesturing for her and the rest of the group to enter the store. “Just don’t make a mess, alright?”

You weren't quite sure why Max was hanging out with Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers or why they all seemed like they were traumatized out of their minds. You knew you would be in for a world of trouble the next time inventory was taken, but you didn't care. There was a feeling in your gut that told you whatever had spooked the others had something to do with Billy. So, while they loaded up the car with fireworks and medical supplies, you calmly locked up the store and turned to face Max.

"I'm coming with you."

"What? Y/N, no, you can't. It’s not safe," Max tried to dissuade you. She shared a panicked look with Lucas Sinclair before looking back at you.

"I can," you told her, knowing you weren't about to be left behind. "Whatever's going on, I can help. I can’t just sit here all night wondering if you’re okay. I’m going with you."

"You really shouldn't," Dustin Henderson chimed in with a frown. “You’ve got no idea what you’re throwing yourself into.”

"I don’t care,” you dismissed with a shake of your head. “Look, I'm not staying behind while you all run off into danger. I've already let you steal from my job. Just let me do this.”

"Get in," Nancy told you, ignoring Max’s noise of protest. “We’re wasting time arguing.”

“Just...,” Max trailed off, shooting you an uncertain look. “Just try to keep an open mind. I promise you’re not going crazy.”

Those words would prove to haunt you, because what you experienced next felt like a complete and total shredding of your sanity.

Your night descended into complete chaos. Hiding from a gargantuan, fleshy monster was one thing, but seeing Billy attempt to run Nancy over with his precious Camaro while she attempted to shoot him was a completely different one. You didn’t even get to see if Billy was okay after someone crashed into his car because you were being yanked into a car by Steve 'The Hair' Harrington before you could be killed by the monster that was terrorizing the mall.

None of it made sense and despite getting a brief rundown on the Upside Down and a girl with superpowers and the monster that had infected your boyfriend and numerous other people around Hawkins, you still couldn’t wrap your head around how the night ended.

Because there was no way in hell it was real. You could accept that everything else was possible, but seeing Billy slump to the floor, bleeding and broken, was the one thing you couldn’t believe.

"Billy!" You cried, rushing forward, hardly caring about the monster that was still standing. All you could see was the pain and agony on Billy's face as he fell. You pulled him into your arms, your hand shaking as you attempted to wipe the blood from his face. But it wasn't even really blood. It was black and viscous, sticking to your hand as you met Billy's eyes. He looked so lost and terrified that you couldn't help the sob of anguish that escaped your mouth at the sight of him. "Don't leave me," you begged him. "Stay with me, alright? We'll get you help. We’ll fix this."

"Sorry," Billy gasped, his body convulsing in your hold. "I'm sorry," he said, his eyes tracking from you to someone standing over your shoulder. He looked to you again, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Should've--," he started, before he cut himself off, coughing up a mouthful of clotted blood. "Love you," he got out with a gasp. "Love...," he trailed off before his eyes closed, leaving you clutching him tight, fighting the urge to shake him and demand he open his eyes.

"Billy? Billy!" Max yelled before falling to her knees beside you. "Billy, get up. Get up!" She demanded, putting her hand on his shoulder. "We need you," Max tried, tears beginning to stream down her face. "I need you. Y/N needs you!" She pleaded, meeting your eyes. "What do we do?"

But there wasn’t anything you could do. Billy wasn’t moving and he wasn’t breathing and he wasn’t alive.

Billy wasn’t alive.

You felt like you couldn't breathe and there was something clawing up your throat, begging to break free. It felt like it was going to split you apart and you desperately clung to Billy’s body as you lost your fight against it.

It wasn't until later when you were sitting in the back of an ambulance with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders that you realized what it was.

A scream.

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