#the way Sam perceives him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deadwerewolfgirlfriend · 1 year

Text

Meta: 1x07 Hook Man, repressed emotions, and haunting the narrative.

gifset // meta

I want to take a closer look at a scene about halfway through 1x07 Hook Man, an episode in which Sam and Dean catch a case involving an invisible spirit that kills people and seems connected to the daughter of the local reverend. They find out that the same spirit has been murdering people on and off for many years, always as retribution for what it considers to be immoral acts. At a college party, Sam and Dean have the following conversation.

Sam: A man of religion, who openly preaches against immorality. (Dean looks away) ...Except, maybe this time instead of saving the whole town, he's just trying to save his only daughter. Dean: Reverend Sorenson. You think he's summoning the spirit? Sam: Maybe. Or, you know how a poltergeist can haunt a person instead of a place? Dean: Yeah, the spirit latches on to the reverend's repressed emotions, feeds off them, yeah, okay. Sam: Without the reverend ever even knowing it. (Dean looks away again) Dean: Either way, you should keep an eye on Lori tonight. Sam: What about you? (Dean sighs, looking around) Dean: I'm gonna go see if I can find that unmarked grave.

It's worth noting further context of the episode. The brothers are still looking for John and haven't heard anything from him. Dean is interested in finding John and killing any monsters he finds on the way to hunting down the yellow-eyed demon that killed Mary, while Sam sees their time as a temporary vacation from his normal life.

I see a few reads of this scene, and what repressed emotions Sam is specifically referring to, because the MOTW is never just another monster.

1. The bisexual read.

Assuming that Dean is bisexual (source: Supernatural, seasons 1-15), this scene can be interpreted as Dean realizing that "repressed emotions" hits a little close to home. Sam either says this intentionally, that [Dean] is repressing his emotions and [Dean] doesn't even realize that people get hurt because of it, or accidentally, and Dean changes the subject because he doesn't want Sam to get any closer to the truth.

The righteous men the spirit has possessed preach against immorality. The reverend preaches against immorality. And "immorality" is the first thing that makes Dean look away -- whether because he knows that that could apply to him, or because he doesn't want to have to think about it.

2. Something (or someone) is haunting the narrative.

"Haunt the narrative" pun partially intended, because there's not a better word to describe how longing for a normal life, feeling out of place in a normal life, and whether hunting is an all-consuming lifestyle or a heroic and sacred duty are all present in every episode, even when they aren't mentioned. As of 1x07, Dean thinks hunting is a holy calling, and Sam thinks hunting is a necessary evil. Dean always believes that Sam can "escape" hunting, escape "the life," but he doesn't believe the same of himself. Dean believes that Sam is the smart one, that once they catch the yellow-eyed demon Sam will go back to Stanford and Dean will keep hunting until something kills him -- something he literally voices in 10x07.

Given how many times Dean will try to leave the hunting life and "be normal" in later seasons, I have to believe he yearns for something different. A life free of hunting, perhaps not, but I don't believe in 1x07 he thinks that leaving the life is an option. I think he believes that repressing his emotions and hunting are the same thing (and who taught him that?). The brothers don't know if they can ever return to a so-called "normal life," how they can stomach not getting involved when they know that monsters kill people, or what it takes for someone who kills monsters to become one themselves. These are not ideas that are named in every episode, but they exist in every episode, under every argument between the brothers, every difficult choice they have to make, every monster they do and don't choose to kill. Truly, these ideas haunt the narrative.

Maybe Sam believes that hunting is what's haunting Dean, that Dean would actually benefit from trying to be "normal" and taking a break from always being on the job, and that whether or not Dean is aware of it, refusing to feel and refusing to be human isn't good for him or the people around him. Unintentionally or not, and no matter how many people he saves and how many monsters he kills, Dean leaves collateral damage in his wake, damage often counted in human lives.

3. The crueler read.

What if Sam is implying that Dean is the one haunting him? Dean keeps dragging him away from his happy, ordinary life, free of monsters and hunting and demons killing people. And what happens as soon as Dean shows up again? Jess is killed by a demon. As much as Sam believes that he's the common thread, it's no coincidence that where Dean goes, there are monsters. Jess comes up again, almost always as ammunition in another of the brothers' arguments.

Wherever Sam goes, whatever he does, no matter how many times he tries to leave hunting, to leave the life, Dean follows him. Dean brings him back from the dead, again and again and again, making deals and getting himself a one-way ticket to Hell to save his brother's life, even when Sam wishes he'd just let him die. Dean tries to bring him back from the Cage. Dean makes deals with anyone who'll bargain to save Sam from remembering Hell. Whenever Sam escapes, Dean catches up, whether it's in season 6 or season 8.

And Sam is not like Dean. Hunting isn't the one true calling for him. While Dean enjoys Purgatory, even says to Sam that he enjoys killing monsters in 9x19, Sam doesn't. Sam doesn't want to kill Madison in Heart, doesn't want to kill Jack Montgomery in Metamorphosis, doesn't want to kill monsters, not the way Dean does. He doesn't take pleasure in it, and finds Dean's pleasure distasteful -- and when Sam gets just a day in Purgatory, he doesn't understand Dean's yearning for simple hunting, rather he understands Dean's pain.

Sam loves his brother, but their codependency is skewed one way, and Sam is the one who can go on without him, who can hunt without him, who can even escape the life without him. Sam is always trying to claw his way out, and Dean, without realizing, always manages to drag him back in. Dean, haunted by hunting, is haunting Sam, and he doesn't even realize who he's hurting.

#supernatural #spn #supernatural meta #spn meta #sam winchester #dean winchester #spn season 1 #I feel normal about this episode #for one of the doofiest monsters the show has had it's also one of the most interesting episodes for revealing conversations #I have to believe someone knew how this scene would read from a bisexual perspective #dean looking away when sam mentions the spirit's obsession with perceived immorality. bisexual ass conversation #something about the way sam thinks he's a monster but also resents hunting and thinks he's above it is fascinating #and it's so interesting to see how sam will go from 'hunting is an unpleasant but necessary evil'#to like. you know any season 2 or later #the same sam and dean from 1x07 will be the sam and dean who stand opposed as the devil himself and the archangel who strikes him down

11 notes · View notes

naruthandir · 1 year

Text

i may be the only person on this earth that dislikes blond samwise i don't care this is a hill i will die on he has brown hair and brown skin and brown eyes he is so hot and i will fight peter jackson with my bare hands for making him white

#Something something I don't have nothing against fan artists making him blond I'm just a little dissapointed this is the majority #I get the movies are influencial in the way you perceive a chatacter but come on #Even when they do give him brown skin he's still blond. I get that there are blond people with brown skin out there #But we are told that blond hair is in fact not very common in the shire and if Sam were to be your avarage hobbit he'd have brown hair #this is not like an actual complaint I know it's really a non-issue and complelty irrelevant in the wide scheme of things #It's just a personal nitpick of mine I'm not like actually angry nor do I intend to fight peter jackson about this #This is all hyperbolic #Anywys #sam #lotr #lord of the rings #samwise gamgee #the lord of of the rings #discourse #I guess?#naru speaks

15 notes · View notes

quietwingsinthesky · 1 year

Note

The tags on your rb about it being hard for a Sam/Nick/Lucifer shipper is edging me

😔 trust me I am also suffering. I outlined it back in October, wrote about 40%, and then got distracted. If it makes you feel better, it’s nothing special, just some self-indulgent smutty worship.

I have a snippet? Just set the scene with Sam!Lucifer and Nick in a grand old church with some pretty stained glass windows picturing the Apocalypse that Lucifer is putting together.

There are a few more windows. No more battles, no more death. The flourishing of nature, the beginning of the reclaim of cities by wildlife, and always Lucifer alone in them. Alone. With Sam. Sam can fill the abandoned parts of her grace better than Nick could.

“What do you think?” She asks when he has seen them all.

“It’s beautiful,” he answers, honestly. He looks out at the empty pews that lead up to where they stand. “But who is it for?” He can’t imagine She would build something like this for demons to sit and worship Her in, not when She despised them so heavily. But a church must have a congregation. A God must have a devotee. Lucifer steps up behind him.

“For you,” She whispers in his ear. “For us.”

#something something priest!nick rattles around in my head daily #wife guy -> worshipper of the devil (and the devil's boytoy/vessel/soulmate etc)#consistently keep writing luci with she/her pronouns whenever a fic is from nick's pov #(although there's a line in the fic where sam refers to luci as 'he'.)#(the devil is v genderweird is what im getting at)#(and the weirdness comes from the fact that she enjoys being perceived more than giving a definitive answer #on something that does not really connect to her in the way it does to humans)#(usually default to he/him when in luci's pov. for simplicity reasons.)#(EXCEPT and i didnt actually write this into the fic i'm referencing but i was thinking about it #but in my sarah/nick/luci fic. they use she/her for luci as well. but if that fic had been from luci's pov?)#(it/its)#(which is extremely strange to me! i don't know why but that's just. canon to that fic!)#(anyway wow god i am rambling a lot about the devil's gender in these tags you did not come here for this)#we came here to see sam luci and nick have wild church sex in the post-apocalypse #and when i finish this fic #one day #they will #ask #snickifer #spn #nick spn #lucifer spn #sam winchester

5 notes · View notes

deadsetobsessions · 4 months

Text

Alley Drunk! Danny AU- Part 1

[Pt.2] [Pt.3] [Pt.4]

To not turn into a giant raging asshole hell bent on murdering people and destroying the world after everyone he loved died, Danny had ran from Amity with his chosen vice.

A bottle. That’s right. Even after Jazz’s talks about alcoholism as a poor coping mechanism as a form of self harm, he still chose alcohol. Or maybe that’s why he picked it, because it reminded him of her, right before the booze took the sting of grief off of her memory. He was never really all that good at listening to Jazz.

And now she’s gone, so it’s moot point. Danny really hated Nasty Burger.

Danny made it all the way to Gotham, bottle constantly glued to his hand. It’s better than Vlad’s creep-o-self looming over him all of the time. He bummed out on the streets, fitting into crime alley like a native. Danny learned to pickpocket. Not much, just enough for a bottle when his ran out. He stayed human. At first he tried to convince himself that it was because he didn’t want to be perceived as a meta in a city where Batman notoriously disliked metas. Then, as he sunk deeper, he admitted to himself in a shameful curl of a whisper that it was really because alcohol affected his human side much easier.

Ghosts need an ungodly amount of alcohol to even get slightly buzzed. Danny’s human side? Only one full bottle the shittiest tequila he could find could even hope to be more than buzzed. It sucked.

He’s spent two years being an alcoholic that didn’t actually get that drunk. Technically, underage drinking was a crime. But then again, so was being a vigilante ghost. So, whatever. He does what he can to dull the grief. Mostly, he slept on covered and hidden nooks on top of Crime Alley’s roofs. Gotham city had taken pity on him and cleared her smog clouds when he was awake at night. Stargazing helped, at least. It gave him a little hope. It gave him a little wish to change and better and live like he wants. But then the night ends and when the day comes, Jazz isn’t there. Sam isn’t there. Tucker isn’t there. His mom and dad are not there.

Danny always went back to the bottle, in the end. Not that it did much.

Which was why, when he saw three looming figures over a tiny child, Danny’s saving people thing flared with a vengeance and his surprised ectoplasm burned what little buzz he had achieved by downing most of the bottle away, leaving him stone cold sober and pissed.

Danny sighed, dumping the rest of the nasty tasting liquid out. There’s no point drinking that little.

He approached the trio, who were beating up an actual child. Ancients, he hated Crime Alley sometimes.

“Give me your shit, you little punk!” Asshole 1 decided to say like a typical mugger, raising his leg to kick the curled up kid below. Danny doesn’t let him land the kick, smashing the bottle on the asshole’s head before any of them clocked his presence. He pivots, pushing a bit of that extra strength he normally keeps on a tight leash into his hands, and punched the other two in a quick fashion, knocking them out.

With that taken care of, Danny turned back to the kid who was still curled up. Danny sighed again, the trembles in small shoulders plucking on his heartstrings.

“You okay, kid?”

The kid uncurls, and Danny stared. Holy shit, is he looking into a mirror? Blue eyes, black hair, and tanned skin. Holy shit, he’s even got similar jaws to Danny.

“Huh.”

The kid flinched.

“Y-y’er the drunk,” the kid flinched again, eyes darting to the broken bottle still clenched in Danny’s hand. “I- I ain’t got money, honest. Please-”

Danny blinked down at the kid, brain connecting the dots after so long without actual interaction. He’s panicking and staring at the bottle in Danny’s hand like it’ll kill him. Danny raised the bottle and the kid closed his mouth with a click, terror worming its way into the kid’s eyes.

“I wasn’t going to mug you myself, kid.”

“But- y’er the- the Alley drunk.”

Danny blinked. Did he get a reputation without knowing again? Goddammit.

“I guess. Am I famous or somethin’?”

“Nobody- nobody fucks wit’ ya.”

“I also don’t hurt kids.”

“…”

The kid stared at him dubiously and with a sinking feeling, Danny realized that maybe the kid already had some terrible experiences with a heavy drunken hand. He promptly chucks the bottle further into the alley.

“I drink, yes. But I’m also not the kind of scum that would lay hands on a kid, let alone anyone that didn’t provoke it first.”

“Oh.” The kid uncurled more, looking at Danny warily, more at ease now that the bottle has left the chat.

“Yeah. I’m Danny. Stone cold sober, right now.”

“…”

Danny waited.

“Peters.”

“Okay. Peters, do you wanna take their shit?” Danny pointed a thumb at the knocked out would-be-muggers behind him.

“Y… yeah, sure. What’s my cut?”

“All of it.”

Peters stared.

Danny shrugged and started looting.

"Y'er so fuckin' weird."

----

See, the thing is, Danny hadn't anticipated saving Peters- "'s actually Jason"- would result in having a duckling following him around. The kid, Jason, glared at everyone who even looked at them wrong. But that's not the problem, because Danny could take anyone who took issue with Jason's looks, it's more like there's a child following him around now and Danny doesn't want to be the reason Jason turns into an alcoholic. It's- well, it made him cut down on the drinking. He even got jobs- legitimate jobs that sucks out his his poor ectoplasmic soul.

Why? Because Jason's apparently homeless. While that's something Danny's okay with for himself, he can't ever condone that for an actual child. Jason's walking around in threadbare clothes and thin soled shoes in the middle of Fall, for Ancient's sake.

Danny grumbles as he piled a bunch of clothes into the shopping bag as he checked out. Gotham's Walmart is a different kind of hell, but Danny feels right at home.

Sure, the work might suck out his soul and he might hate being sober, but Jason's face every time he comes home to an actual place to live, warm clothes, and food was worth everything.

#danny phantom #dc x dp #DCxDP #dpxdc #jason todd #batman #crime alley #Danny: im gonna be an alcoholic #also Danny: a child needs help and I don’t drink anymore #Danny phantom’s saving people thing #drunk danny #alcoholic danny #but not for long #danny adopts jason todd #jason todd follows his big brother into being a vigilante #kind of #he becomes robin #but gets rescued by his long suffering brother every once and a while #alley drunk! Danny AU

4K notes · View notes

kettlefire · 7 months

Text

Booo-merang Trouble DP x DC Idea

Okay but leeching off the idea that Jason gives off an ecto-signature, and I probably saw a post about this somewhere. I just for the love of me can't find it. If anyone knows it, please link it so I can credit!:

Jason isn't even on patrol, he's visiting the manor. His chilling, eating away at lunch. He doesn't come to the manor often, but he always needs a dose of his crazy family every once in a while. There's no way he'd stay away from Alred's cookies for long.

Then boom, something shatters the window behind him. On instinct, Jason moves. Taking cover and trying to get a sight of the situation. Of the perceived attack. However, before Jason could do much a heavy object rams into his chest before landing on the ground before him. It doesn't really hurt, nothing compared to his prior injuries.

A boomerang. A glowing green and silver boomerang laid on the ground before him. Jason's a million and one ways confused as he stared at the device. His hands carefully picking it up, and looking over the softly beeping device.

Jason thinks maybe it's a bomb, but something in his gut says otherwise. He can think of a million different things it could be. Maybe one of the rogues got a hold of their DNA, and it tracked them. Maybe it's going to expel a gas any moment, an attack on the Waynes rather than their vigilante personas.

Except it's none of that. The beeping stops and suddenly a robotic voice sounds from the boomerang.

"Ghost located, prepare for your end ghoul."

Jason tenses once again at the clear threat in those words. His gaze scans around the kitchen, still crouched behind the kitchen counter. Except nothing happens.

Except for a voice ringing out from the boomerang once again. This time, this time it's not a robot. It's a clear record of a young woman speaking. Her voice filled with fear, concern, and urgency.

"Okay, this should work right? You know what, that doesn't matter. No one but you should have a signature. Beside's Tucker thinks he set this up to go to you only. So Danny, you should be hearing this..."

Jason only finds himself more confused. The urgency in this girl's voice was enough to keep his nerves on edge. It sounded important, but Jason had no clue who these people are. Who these names could be refering to.

"Danny... Things here aren't doing to good. Look, I know why you left. You have every reason to. What mom and dad did... It's unforgivable and I don't expect you to come back. But, thing is..."

There's a lull in the recording. The distant sound of soft chatting. If Jason strained his ears, he could somewhat pick of the sound of another woman and man.

"Everyone thinks Phantom is dead. Which I would think is a good thing, but it's not. Danny, the GIW is on a rampage now that you aren't here. Mom and dad are on their side..."

Jason made the conclusion that the speaker was this Danny's sister. The message was intended for him, yet it somehow landed in Jason's lap.

"They have everyone locked up in the school... Radars to see if anyone has a signature, and if they do... They separate them from everyone else."

Jason's brows furrowed, finally pulling himself to a stand. He placed the boomerang on the kitchen counter. Leaning forward as he took in the words.

"We don't know what they are doing. Sam, Tucker, and Valerie... We're all hiding. We'll have the highest signatures, and... Listen Danny..."

Jason had a growing pit in his gut. He knew something wasn't right. These people were in danger. It didn't matter he didn't know about what, or who the GIW was, but these people needed help.

"... We need you. We need Phantom, baby bro. I'm sorry, I know you're still recovering. We can handle things here, but please. Please tell me you're still alive, you're in Gotham right? Tell me you're safe, and you're healing and still kicking Danny."

Jason swallowed, placing his hands flat on the kitchen counter. He needed to get this down to the cave. Have the computer tracked where it came from. But Jason couldn't move, not at the sound of pure desperation in this woman's voice.

"I just need to know you at least made it out of this nightmare. I don't care how you do it, just please let me know things are okay... They have... They have Vlad, Danny. Things are complicated, and I hate to put this on you... But Amity needs Phantom..."

The recorded suddenly broke into static, but Jason thinks he got enough of what he needed. Amity. The place these people were was called Amity. It gave him a lead, something for them to work with.

"Da... We... Help... They..."

Jason could hear the woman's voice breaking through the static. He gripped the boomerang, turning on his heels and heading towards the cave.

"Sam... Mom... Tech... I..."

Every broken word only fueled Jason's own urgency. Jason felt a strange urge, a connection. Something that told him he had to help. They needed to help. The boomerang found him, and that had to mean something.

"... I love you, Danny..."

Those four words were the clearest compared to rhe rest of it. It made Jason's heart seize, and he took a breath. He was going to help.

It didn't matter if Jason didn't know these people. If they weren't from Gotham. This was important, and something told Jason he needed to find this Danny.

Danny would be the only one that would know that to do. If Jason manages to rewind the recording, he was certain Bruce would be equally on board.

That voice, the emotions that dripped from it. It gave the sense that this wasn't just life or death. This was a world ending problem.

And Jason would be damned if he ignored it.

2K notes · View notes

samwinchesterism · 1 month

Text

in re: “cas knows dean better than sam”

“cas sees dean as a whole person and sam just sees dean’s façade as his big brother slash parent” but like how and where. outside of your fanfiction. season and episode. scene and line. if it’s so obvious and apparent you should have at least 3-5 concrete examples right? “sam doesn’t know dean carried him out of the burning house” yeah but did cas? outside of a footnote in the angelic manila folder they gave him between seasons 3 and 4 so he could better manipulate him and sam into doing heaven’s bidding? like if you’re going to say “cas knows dean better than sam” than you need to show how cas succeeds where you perceive sam to be failing at the very least. but even your perceptions of how sam doesn’t measure up are so warped, blinkered, and moronic that it wouldn’t even be worth much if you could provide the textual evidence, but at least you’d have a semblance of a point. like say anything without going “as an eldest daughter…” “well my relationship with my sibling isn’t…” please say anything without fucking projecting your own self-pitying crybaby bullshit onto your little woobie dean and using the actual canon text of the show. I’m literally begging you.

like the thing of it all is and always has been that you’re so hell-bent on twisting the sam and dean relationship to fit into this narrow and almost entirely inaccurate mold which is the basis upon which you build the entire Destiel Mythos that you literally lose all sense of media literacy. you don’t even miss the forest for the trees, you miss the trees for like, the pretend invisible things you’re seeing in between the trees, the forest is a whole long way away from your current level of perception. because the Destiel Mythos is based entirely on the fact that dean is Not Seen and Not Appreciated and Not Loved and Cannot Be Himself until cas comes along, and that Family (read: sam) Is Only A Burden on Him That He Must Be Freed From In Order to Flourish, so you keep trying to warp the sam relationship into something that is only one dimension of it – and keep ignoring the ways in which dean is seen, loved and understood within it, because you need to keep lying to yourselves that there is a narrative need to emancipate dean from something that he has never wanted emancipation from because it is ultimately a net good for dean in the particular circumstances of their lives. it’s also profoundly unhealthy, codependent, evil and toxic etc. (a lot more dean’s fault than sam’s but I will nawt be getting into all that right now) but that doesn’t change the fact that sam and dean both know and understand and feel deeply that they are each other’s person – that they know the best and love the most in the world. but that – which IS true canon fact – is incompatible with the Destiel Mythos so it must be ignored and all good sense must be thrown out the window in order to do it.

anyway i digress there are two main categories of Bad Thinking that i will be addressing below

childhood/ “parent/child” / blah blah blah

every single thing people are saying in favour of the deeply stupid thesis in the title of this post is proof positive of the very silly form of ‘analysis’ I just described. a few things:

“wah sam didn’t know that dean carried him out of the burning house :( this means that dean withholds things from sam to protect him because he is a PARENT and sam can only know things about him in the context of him being a PARENT to him” – what the fuck are you on about genuinely. first of all reducing the sam/dean relationship exclusively to parent/child is in itself foolishness for so many reasons that I don’t have time for right now. but also, it’s clear that this is just something that happened when sam was a baby that just never came up. in the scene (1.09) where this is brought up, dean is mildly surprised that he or john never mentioned that detail and then states that sam knows the rest of the story (i.e. the actual traumatic stuff) just as well as dean does – which is true, demonstrably whenever they talk about it.

obviously there are some things that happened to dean in their childhood that sam doesn’t know about (or didn’t know about, until told in whatever episode they come up in). equally, there are things dean doesn’t know about sam’s childhood, e.g. the fact that he was so lonely he needed a zanna (11.08). or how dean didn’t remember that sam was friends with barry cook until he mentions it when they go back to their old school (4.13). or about the nature of sam’s relationship with amy pond (7.03). these don’t mean that ‘sam withheld these things to protect dean out of parental love’ lol, it’s just that there are details and events in each of their lives that the other happens to not have been told about.

similarly “sam didn’t even know dean wanted to be a firefighter L” girl did dean know sam wanted to be a lawyer? in 1.01 he’s pretty surprised that sam has a law school interview. the point here isn’t “neither sam nor dean know each other well,” these are minutiae that aren’t relevant to how well you know someone as a whole, and very poorly demonstrate the bad and inaccurate point that dean withholds things from sam the way a parent does a child (on a constant or regular basis). obviously the way they were raised, sam was deemed too young to know about certain things until he got older and dean had to keep that secret, but as shown in 3.08 flashbacks, most if not all of this is eventually revealed throughout their childhood when sam is still fairly young.

or possibly the dumbest one is that “wah sam doesn’t even know that dean reads books L” whenever that was he was also obviously joking because in more serious moments (e.g. 8.14) he admits that dean is smart/a better researcher than he is, literally remembers dean reading to him as a kid (8.21) so like. clam down

one of the extra annoying variants of this type of ‘proof’ covers things that are very clearly novel pieces of information about dean that dean, sam, and the audience are learning about dean in real time. like if you’re actually watching the show to comprehend it as it was intended to be comprehended, instead of funnelling everything through the Destiel Machine until it’s unrecognizable slop that fits neatly into your pre-ordained molds that Make Destiel Necessary In the Narrative (when it actually isn’t, at all) it’s abundantly clear. the top two worst offenders:

“sam didn’t even know that dean is good with kids :( he doesn’t even realize that dean raised him :(” first of all you people need to understand that parentification does not literally create a parent-child dynamic between siblings but I digress – this doesn’t make any sense bro. in 1.03 dean admits he doesn’t know any kids as an adult. dean being good with his own kid brother when they were both kids is to any reasonable person not necessarily linked with him being good with other random kids when he’s an adult. in 1.03 it’s clear that dean himself is a bit surprised that he’s able to connect w/ lucas so well because he’s clearly not dealt with a lot of kids since sam grew up. the whole point of this is that dean, sam, and the audience are all sort of seeing a new side of dean. who again is just 26. after this very early episode, there’s no question from sam that dean is able to connect w kids. sam being a bit surprised by this also has absolutely zero connection with him not understanding or realizing that dean looked out for him when they were both kids – sam is standing there at 22 years of age talking about adult dean and children – of fucking course he doesn’t mean himself are you stupid.

from the very first season, sam is very clearly aware of everything dean ~did for him~ when they were kids, see e.g. 1.21: “Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. […] For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And I don't know, I just wanted to let you know, just in case.”

and 1.06: DEAN: Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way. (SAM laughs.) SAM: Yeah, I know you are.

and then possibly even more stupidly, the one where it’s like “wah sam doesn’t even know dean can cook :( he doesn’t even know that DEAN was the one making him food as a babe in arms :(” – when sam is surprised that dean made something fairly gourmet and from scratch literally the first time they have ever had a permanent living space with a functional kitchen. in this VERY scene (8.14), dean himself points out that they haven’t had a kitchen before and when sam remarks on the irregularity of him doing serious cooking, he says “I’m nesting”, clearly showing that this is a novel development because they now have a kitchen, and that it’s irregular relative to past behaviour – both of them acknowledge this. because real proper in-depth cooking and making box mac and cheese for sam until he was like 11 and old enough to be left alone are two different things, which sam understands because he’s smart, unlike whoever chooses to make this point. dean never showed significant signs of liking to cook before this, which is what the exchange is about, but he did have to prepare food for them both when sam was too young – of course sam knows he had to, there are childhood memories referred to (e.g. 14.11) where sam is mentioned to literally help dean do the cooking as kids lol (and yes, genius, sam says ‘I didn’t know you knew what a kitchen was’ or something to that effect, but if you think he’s being 100% literal there I have an oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you)

again, obviously there are pieces that sam doesn’t know about dean, e.g. when he’s talking about his response to mary dying in 1.03. but again, Sam is 22, dean is 26, the last time they were in regular contact was when sam was 18-20, these are things that happen when people grow up, they’re able to reflect and share on childhood experiences if they’re close with their siblings as adults. it’s clearly not something that 26 y/o dean wanted to hide from 22 y/o sam. yes sam didn’t know everything about how dean felt when they were young, but that’s equally true in the other direction, and it’s such an irrelevant point in this discussion when, crucially, sam does learn these things about dean mostly fairly early on in the series (i.e. when they’re really not that deep into adulthood yet). cas was also not magically blessed w/ knowledge about dean, he also had to learn whatever it is that he knows, but somehow sam has to know everything about dean from age 7 or it doesn’t count when it’s sam lol.

“sam doesn’t know the One True Dean / doesn’t see through his facades”

the next branch of defending this flawed thesis is invariably that sam has little idea of the fronts and facades that dean puts up and is content to just believe them, whereas cas digs deep and sees the One True Dean that stupid sam always misses. there is nothing in the text that demonstrates this is true. multiple times, we see sam being very knowing of the fact that dean puts up fronts and facades. sam is also knowledgeable of the way dean perceives himself, and – demonstrated in multiple episodes before such sam lines were very poorly recycled and regurgitated into cas’s dialogue in 15.18, but keep acting like that was the first time anyone ever showed that they knew the One True Dean.

Obviously there are times where sam teases dean when he’s being more touchy-feely than usual, but 9.99 times out of 10 (as a conservative estimate in case there's something i'm forgetting otherwise i would say every time) that’s very clearly coming from a place of knowing the real dean vs. the façade he puts up because that’s the whole joke. and it’s allowed to be a joke because they’re siblings and that’s what siblings do lol. esp since sam and dean have touchy feely moments at the end of like every episode.

examples of all of the above off the top of my head (there are more than these, but these are the ones I can think of):

2.02 (about John’s death)

Sam: “I mean this ‘strong silent’ thing of yours, it's crap. […] I'm over it. This isn't just anyone we're talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man.”

Dean: “You know what, back off, all right? Just because I'm not caring and sharing like you want me to.”

Sam: “No, no, no, that's not what this is about, Dean. I don't care how you deal with this. But you have to deal with it, man. Listen, I'm your brother, all right? I just want to make sure you're okay.”

2.03 (Sam to Dean, also about John’s death): “You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory.”

Note that Dean essentially admits that Sam is right in these two instances in 2.04 bc I know yall have stupid shit to say about john too that has nothing to do with how anyone actually felt about him in canon

3.07 (about Dean’s demon deal – also proven true in later episodes)

SAM: Dude, drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.

DEAN: I'm not!

SAM: You're lying. And you may as well drop it 'cause I can see right through you.

DEAN: You got no idea what you're talking about.

SAM: Yeah, I do. You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out, and you're still going to Hell, and you're freaked.

DEAN: And how do you know that?

SAM: Because I know you! […] Yeah, I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And, I mean, I can't blame you. It's just […] I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause... (can't find words; tears in his eyes) just 'cause.

5.18 [Sam figures out what Dean is doing re: his plan to let Michael possess him, tracks him down, and eventually is the catalyst for Dean ‘making the right call’, which he predicts] – e.g.:

SAM: No, you won’t. When push shoves, you’ll make the right call

DEAN: You know, if tables were turned…I’d let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here.

SAM: Yeah, well…I guess I’m not that smart.

DEAN: I—I don’t get it. Sam, why are you doing this?

SAM: Because… you’re still my big brother.

8.14 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18 + sam intrinsically understanding the trials are a death wish for dean): “I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it. […] I AM smart, and so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius – when it comes to lore, to – you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen – better than me, better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So, please – please believe in me, too.”

10.22 (understanding how much dean has ~done for him~)

SAM: I'm saving my brother.

CASTIEL: You told Dean—

SAM: —I know what I told Dean. Cas, look. I've been the one out there, messed up and scared. And alone. And Dean—

CASTIEL: He did whatever he could to save you.

SAM: Yes. I mean, it's become his thing. I owe him this. I owe him everything.

10.23 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18, x2 – from Sam to Dean): “You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way. […] You will never, ever hear me say that you -- the real you -- is anything but good.”

11.13 (Sam understanding exactly how Dean feels about Amara being his ‘deepest desire’, and confirming that it doesn’t make him a bad person)

Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m…

Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?

Dean: For starters, yeah.

Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I’m not.

Dean: You know that I want her ass dead.

Sam: Yes. Of course. And I know you’ve also probably beaten yourself up a hundred times over it, but where has that gotten us? (Long silence) Just how bad is it?

13.02 (Sam perfectly explaining Dean’s psyche to Jack)

JACK: Is that why Dean hates me?

SAM: Dean doesn’t hate you. It… Look, sometimes the wires in Dean’s head get crossed and—and he gets frustrated, and then he mixes frustration with anger, and—and fear.

JACK: Why would he be afraid?

SAM: Because Dean feels like it’s his job to protect everyone. And right now, we need to protect you. But we may also need to protect people from you.

14.03 [Sam assesses Dean’s psychological/emotional response to the Michael possession; end of episode, Dean confirms that Sam’s assessment was fully accurate]

14.10 [Sam is the only one able to snap Dean out of his weird Michael mind loop by using their code word]

14.11 [Sam figuring out that something is troubling Dean just based on the fact that Dean hugs him]

15.17 (self explanatory at this point)

DEAN: Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that! I won't!

SAM: I know you feel like that right now, okay. I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me— from Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but... it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please... put the gun away. Just put it away, and we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do.

like maybe there are some cas moments w dean along these lines too. i don't know, i don't remember what the guy says or does anymore it's been too many years and he is not memorable. but the point is where and in what capacity and based on what metric other than the amount of bad fanfic you've read does cas exceed sam in these respects.

so basically just. genuinely, what are you people literally ever talking about. go watch the show instead of saying stupid wrong stuff about sam on the hellsites all day. or watch another show (please for the love of god watch any other show this one is absolutely lost on you and it’s such a stupid one too i'm embarrassed for you)

#sorry i wasnt gonna be able to sleep otherwise my blood pressure got too high #sam winchester meta #sam winchester #anti destiel #sam and dean #whatever else my tags are #haven't done this in a minute #i'm sorry for being a cunty sam stan (tm) in this but have you considered we'd be nicer if you ppl were less dumb #this is not proofread it's not real meta

355 notes · View notes

shallowrambles · 2 months

Text

I love the view that Dean figured out his deeper feelings for Cas in 6 & 7, and the majority of 8 was Dean arcing out of his hero-worship and people-should-never-let-me-down neuroses.

And then.

Post-perceived rejection… (Remember: Cas threw OFF Dean’s hand in Purgatory, and cut OFF cupid’s hand when it was aimed at him.)

So. Late Seasons 8 to mid-12 are Dean actively trying to get over Cas. In s9, he’s off-key paralleled with Josie Sands and Abaddon. (When it’s actually Hannah who’s “the Josie.”) Then he transitions into a reversal-power arc, towards being force-fit into the cartoonish, dare I say ham-fisted Cain role and its parallels. (They spell out the parallel in a distinctly odd way, esp for SPN. Too on the nose. Prescriptive. That’s because it’s actually mirroring Dean’s power fantasy according to Dean’s deepest, least charitable, nihilistic wishes.)

In s10, Dean still appears hung up on Cas, trusting him with the blade and begging him to help kill him if he becomes disinhibited/loses his free will again. Also, “I’m glad you’re here, man,” and Cas’s awkward reply, “Another time. There’s a female waiting in the car.” In a way, Dean’s feelings and fantasies serve to taunt him. The Cain parallel itself feels like a taunt.

Dean may realize Cas “admires” him but it’s definitely not the way Dean wants, that is: not like a secret admirer. Dean is mad for the unbalanced power dynamics re:Cas in the past. Now in Dean’s power reversal: Cas gets the wife treatment and Dean gets paralleled with the powerful Cain figure. He gets to beat Cas just as Cas beat him.

And it’s no accident the Dean’s power reversal arc culminates in a reverse-crypt. Because that’s what Dean’s bitter about. (“That’s not gonna be a problem = You can’t hurt me anymore, not like you did.”) It’s rooted in the bitterness of perceived rejection. That’s why Cas bears the brunt of Dean’s anger here.

Afterwards, Dean feels soooo guilty for being angry.

Later…

At various points, he tries to reassure Cas he’s okay with and appreciates how things are: a best friend, a comrade, a brother. Acceptance!

Dean spent season 10 dealing with his baggage and hoping hopelessly, then in season 11, I think he resolved to accept things. He may have toed the water with sexual tension and short shorts at times, but overall he was trying to live with Cas and let Cas off the hook.

He also encouraged Amara to deal with her own baggage the way he’d worked through his. Season 10 was his reversal arc: him in power for once, with Cas getting the wife treatment and Sam’s corruption being highlighted for once. And in season 11 he was spirited away, dealing with being powerless once more.

After that was done, he tried to swallow his feelings and let go of Cas, the way he encouraged Amara to let go of him.

He may perceive season 11 as his letting go of irrationally wanting Cas. The car scene may represent him giving Cas an out. Even releasing him from any perceived obligations.

So when Cas shows interest in season 12, I do think that threw him! Made him so nervous that he started hoping again, getting all tentative with his little mixtape.

Then Cas returns the damn mixtape. (Burned again!) But instead of getting bitter, Dean says to keep it, it’s a gift. Then he mumbles another “we’re all stronger together,” lil spill to cover his embarrassment.

Because now, he’s fully accepted that he loves Cas. Dean’s feelings haven’t faded so he has resolved to live with them as they are. No matter how many times he gets his hopes up and disappointed.

But now, Dean’s more scared. In season 8 he was ready to tell Cas “I love you.” He spent four years trying to navigate those unrequited feelings and convert them into familial camaraderie.

It’s much scarier in s12 with cosmic consequences on their heads, and Dean with everything he’s ever wanted just at his fingertips.

My fave thing about it all is that Dean and Cas are ready for each other at wildly different points and hardly ever sync up in between all the disasters.

#josie abaddon dean amara and the false parallels by the #abaddon demon dean amara #false parallels #josie sands hannah #josie sands #amara #i am def dehydrated delirious plz ignore meee #josie sands dean parallels #dean and the reversal power arc

182 notes · View notes

itskattkm · 1 month

Text

New York New Rules Pt. 8

Warnings: Violence, Trauma, Fluff, maybe Smut, mental health, blood

Summary: Y/N meets the survivors of the last events in Woodsborrow and gets on Ghostface's list. But there is also a darkness in Y/N wich path is she going to choose

Female Y/N x Tara Carpenter

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

A/N: as promised the new chapter. I’m sorry it turned out pretty short. Even tho I have the plot and ending and everything already planned I felt some writers Block at this part of the story. I hope you guys can still enjoy. And I try my best in the next chapter. But I can’t tell when it comes out. Maybe I find some motivation and time over the holidays soon. Love - Kat

Sam POV

I made a last pull on my cigarette before Danny came to me and tried to comfort me. I dropped the cigarette and extinguished it with my boot. "someone took our knives..." I started and played the situation in the kitchen in my head again and again. I had often felt betrayed but that moment... was one of the highlites. "I don't know who to trust" I whispered and Danny gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead "then don't trust anyone. Not them, not me Sam" one last time I looked in his eyes before he left. Now that my view was clear, my eyes fell on Tara and Mindy who were sitting in the back of the ambulance. But they were not alone. Y/N... what was she looking for here? She should be in the hospital. I watched her calmly. Her forearm was still bandaged, just like Taras back then. So of course she could leave the hospital if she wanted to. Mindy reluctantly hugged her and in the way Y/N held Mindy I could see that she probably needed this hug more than Mindy herself. Her eyes were slightly reddish when she wanted to check on Anika but she had been driven ti the hospital already.

"She said anything?" I asked when I noticed Tara next to me and we watched Y/N together. Seriously and with a cool tone, she said "In fact, I texted her about what happened, but she was surprisingly fast here... maybe she came here with Kirby" slowly I turned to Tara and looked at her without emotion when I whispered "there was second ghostface... but he had helped Anika" Tara tried not to show any reaction so that no one would notice it, but her eyes widened "I also saw a second ghostface, I wanted to go back to the apartment and met him. But he didn't seem to care about me and he didn't want to let me into the apartment" what? Thought Sam.

That was new... Mindy was right. In this franchise, everything was damn possible. I bit my teeth slightly and looked back at Y/N "we have to find out what Kirby and Y/N supervision has to do" Tara followed my look and said coldly "I'm working on it" I nodded to her in agreement and looked back to the alley when a crying attracted my attention to me. Bailey.

Y/N a few minutes ago

Slightly out of breath, I reached the crime scene outside. Almost panicked, I searched for the faces of the Woodsborrow Gang and was more than relieved when I saw Tara and Mindy in the ambulance. With quick steps I ran towards her, few tears in the eyes "hey..." I said quietly.

Tara's gaze hit mine first. She was surprised almost beaten in the face when I pushed all thoughts and feelings aside and took her firmly in my arms. To my surprise, she replied, but only hesitantly. "I just had to come here," I said and detached myself from Tara. We briefly exchanged glances that I could not interpret at that moment that all I could feel and perceive right now was a mixture of worry and deafness. I looked at Mindy and took a step towards her. Silence... we stared at each other longer. Nobody knew what to say. One thing was clear, I was still mad at Mindy... the last few days she hadn’t been a good friend to me but I didn't care right now. On the other hand, Mindy probably only thought again about whether she could trust me.

She sighed as she got up and squeezed me tight. With all the strength I had, I put my arms firmly around her. I had forgotten how good a hug could feel. "How is Anika..?" I asked and managed to hold back my tears. Our embrace easily dissolved when we looked at each other calmly. Mindy's look was now much gentler and friendlier again. The last few hours I only got cold, skeptical and reproachful glances from her.

"They just left, she lost a lot of blood" I nodded "we should go back to the hospital right away" she nodded to me silently and said after a short rest "I'm sorry... I was quite a bitch" I had to laugh "yes and what a one!" With a raised eyebrow she looked at me "but I can totally understand you minds... believe me" now she had to laugh a little and squeezed me again.

And then I felt Mindy squeeze me tighter. It kinda showed me that she was suddenly mega pissed on and shortly afterwards I also knew why.

"I heard what happened, are you okay?" I heard a way too nice voice say. Mindy and I dissolved our hug and I turned around. When my and Ethan's eyes met, I recognized slight confusion in them, but before he could further reveal his reaction, Chad already pushed him furiously against one of the vans on the street and asked "where the hell have you been!"

I turned around. Lost in my mind. I looked down on the asphalt.

Why did Ethan look so surprised. I had to admit that only his eyes had betrayed him. But what did that mean? Didn't he expect me? My thoughts became wilder. Pictures of all events played out like a quick movie in my head when I tried to understand.

Ethan hasn't been at the hospital.

Maybe he was the one who attacked me? I wasn’t sure. But I had a bad feeling about that guy.

"Y/N... your coming?" A voice got me out of my thoughts. I looked up and looked into dark exhausted eyes. But there was so much more. So much more and I couldn't see it exactly.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

Tara was about to say something when suddenly Gale interrupted us saying

"I need to show you guys something".

So in the next moments I saw us following Gale, while she kept discussing with Kirby how to do to a proper job and telling Kirby how she didn't new about the place she wanted to show us. I was staying beside Kirby. Tara and Sam behind me. While Mindy and Chad where also right behind us with Ethan and the rest.

#jenna ortega #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter x you #vada cavell #wednesday #fanfiction #jenna ortega x reader #wednesday addams x reader #jenna ortega x y/n #tara carpenter x y/n #tara carpenter x female reader #scream

122 notes · View notes

scoobydoodean · 4 months

Text

4.15 "Death Takes A Holiday":

SAM Police say Mr. Jenkins was shot in the heart at point-blank range by a nine-millimeter. DEAN keeps eating, speaking with his mouth full. DEAN And he's not a doughnut? SAM Locals are saying it's a miracle. DEAN Okay. SAM It's got to be something nasty, right? I mean, people making deals or something. DEAN You think? SAM What else would it be? DEAN I don't know.

Dean isn't acting like a partner—isn't bouncing ideas off Sam like he usually does automatically when Sam's found a case and begins engaging with him about it. He isn't offering Sam a single thought in his head. He's just chewing his food—playing the role of the dumb brother Sam so clearly wants him to fall into.

Sam made it very clear the previous episode (under the siren's influence) that he's stronger, he's smarter, and Dean is holding him back. Therefore, the role Dean ought to play is "dumb sidekick" who simply concedes to Sam's views and doesn't get in the way—who's not as brave as Sam (an epic lie) or as smart as Sam is (another lie of epic proportions) and shouldn't act like it by daring to contribute thoughts.

Dean isn't playing into this thinking because Dean believes Sam's nonsense about him, or because he doesn't want Sam to leave. He's playing into it to make it very clear to Sam that the follower/leader relationship he seems to want so desperately—where Dean hangs on his every word and never questions him—isn't what Sam actually wants at all. The partner he's benefitted from all this time is much better than a dumb brute who just eats his burger.

SAM puts his laptop in his bag. SAM Get that to go. DEAN looks down and doesn't move. SAM Come on. SAM stands up, picking up his bag. DEAN doesn't move except to chew. SAM looks at him, swinging his bag over his shoulder. SAM What? DEAN looks up and keeps chewing, then glances away and back. DEAN Sure you want me going with you? SAM Why wouldn't I? DEAN I don't want to be holding you back or nothing. SAM Dude, I've told you a hundred times, that was the siren talking, not me. Can we get past this?

This is exactly what Sam did at the end of 1.10 "Asylum"—after spewing a very similar list of Dean's "deficiencies" compared to him. He simply stated that he didn't mean it, and felt that was enough—and because he so blatantly lied, Dean saw there was zero point in pressing the issue. Dean treats Sam's hurtful words (that he knows Sam meant) the same way in 4.14. There is no point in talking about it if Sam is just going to lie.

This time, in 4.15, it's actually worse—because Sam was the one who pushed and begged for Dean to open up about Hell—saying he just wanted to help... and then in 4.14 "Sex and Violence", he took all the trauma Dean trusted him with and spit it back in Dean's face:

You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Whining about all the souls you tortured in hell. Boo hoo. (x)

This is the second time Sam has taken a closely guarded secret of Dean's and deeply harmed him with it after begging and pleading and saying he just wanted to know so he could help. If I was Sam, and I actually didn't mean what I said in 4.14, when my full faculties returned, the very first thing I would do is reassure my brother that he is NOT weak and pathetic for being traumatized. What we get from Sam in 4.14? Not that at all.

SAM Dean, look, you know I didn't mean the things I said back there, right? That it was just the siren's spell talking?

It's said flippantly—the same tone he'd use after accidentally bumping into someone on the street. Sam's concern isn't sincerely reassuring his brother that his experiences in Hell don't make him weak. He just wants the matter not to be discussed. In 4.15, he worsens it, by making it clear all he cares about is how his own character is perceived—not whether Dean is actually okay or might have absorbed with words (even if they HAD been false). Sam’s sole concern is defending his character from "false" allegations. It's all about him being treated unfairly by Dean (who dares to not believe him... because Sam's been lying about everything) and how Dean is so terribly unfair because he hasn't gotten over it yet... which in of itself, only reinforces that Sam is lying about not meaning it. What he says here reinforces that he thinks Dean is overly emotional and fussy and his feelings are irrational.

I also sincerely doubt Dean asked him "a hundred times". I also doubt any of the times Sam "told" Dean he didn't mean it were any less flippant and self-centered than the first time. I wouldn't doubt Dean's been giving Sam a hard time, because he knows for a fact that Sam has been lying to him (he heard him talking to Ruby, Dean called her unlisted number in Sam's recent calls and she picked up) and Sam still refuses to admit it. Why wouldn't Dean assume Sam is also lying about not meaning anything he said? The very fact that Sam's hiding his contact with Ruby (after Dean worked with her and even attempted to thank her in 4.10 and also saved her life) reinforces that Sam's explanation under the siren's influence was real. He is leaving Dean out, because he thinks Dean is stupid and weak and is holding him back. They both know Dean meant every word he said, and so did Sam. And we'll have it confirmed for us that Sam meant it in 4.21. Saying Dean's asked him "a hundred times" is nothing than further invalidation of Dean's feelings—more assertions that Dean's irrational and his feelings are invalid and unfair and he's just being crazy.

#4.15 #4.14 #4.21 #sams follower/leader false dichotomy #youre such a control freak #bad liar sam winchester #the flannel business #sams moral compass #deans moral compass #pk rewatches spn number ?

154 notes · View notes

lila-lou · 27 days

Text

✨Beyond saving - Pt. 4✨

Summary: I hate summaries, so this is part 4 of "Beyond saving".

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Mention of rape, Language, Angst, Hurt

Word Count: 5158

A/N: English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨

Sam’s protective instincts kicked in as he surveyed the scene before him, his muscles tensing as he prepared to defend you against any perceived threat. His eyes narrowed as they landed on Dean, a mixture of anger and concern flashing in their depths.

“What did you do?”, Sam demanded, his voice laced with accusation as he took a step forward, his fists clenched at his sides. “Did you hurt her again?”.

Dean’s eyes widened in shock at Sam’s accusation, his hands raised in a gesture of surrender as he took a step back. “No, Sam, it’s not what you think”, he protested, his voice filled with urgency as he tried to diffuse the situation.

But Sam wasn’t convinced, his gaze flickering between you and Dean as he searched for any sign of deception. “She’s crying!”, he growled. “And you leaving in a hurry. What am I supposed to think?”.

Dean’s heart sank at the accusation, the weight of his past mistakes bearing down on.

“Sam, I swear, I didn’t hurt her”, Dean insisted, his voice barely above a whisper as he struggled to find the right words. “Not this time”.

Sam’s eyes softened slightly at Dean’s words, a flicker of understanding crossing his features. He knew how much Dean regretted his past actions, how much he had tried to make amends for the pain he had caused.

Dean's heart clenched as he glanced at you from the side, his gaze filled with a mixture of longing and regret. He knew that he had hurt you deeply, that his past actions had left scars that may never fully heal. But despite his best intentions, he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that gnawed at him from within.

"M'sorry", he mumbled, his voice barely audible as he turned to leave the room. "I… I just need some fresh air".

With a heavy sigh, Dean stepped out into the hallway. As he made his way outside, he couldn't help but wonder if there would ever come a day when he could truly make things right, when he could finally find redemption for the pain he had caused.

Sam handed you one of Dean's shirts, his gaze averted as he respectfully turned his back to give you some privacy. As you quickly slipped into the shirt, you felt a pang of sadness wash over you, the fabric still carrying the faint scent of Dean's cologne.

"What happened?", Sam asked gently, his voice filled with concern as he turned to face you once more. "Are you okay?".

Your heart felt heavy with anxiety and uncertainty as you tried to find the right words to explain what had just happened. "I don't know", you admitted, your voice trembling slightly as you fought to keep your emotions in check. "I thought… I thought we were okay, but then he…".

You trailed off, unable to finish your sentence as the weight of your own self-doubt threatened to overwhelm you. Was it something you did? Something you said? The thought that this might be your fault sent a wave of guilt crashing over you, leaving you feeling more lost and confused than ever before.

Sam’s brows furrowed with concern as he waited for your response, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation or doubt.

“Are you sure Dean didn’t hurt you?", he pressed gently. “I know things haven’t been easy between you two, but I need to know if he’s crossed a line”.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves as you met Sam’s gaze. “He didn’t hurt me”, you assured him, your voice firm despite the lingering doubts that clouded your mind.

Sam nodded, his expression softening with relief. “Okay”, he said, his voice tinged with gratitude as he reached out to squeeze your hand reassuringly. “Just know that I’m here for you, no matter what”.

You thanked Sam for his support, as he gave you some space. With a nod of gratitude, Sam left you to find Dean, his footsteps echoing softly in the hallway as he made his way out of the room.

Sam found Dean leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen, his expression heavy with guilt and regret. Sam approached him slowly, his footsteps cautious as he stopped beside his brother.

“So that’s your kind of getting fresh air, huh?”, Sam asked, his tone laced with gentle sarcasm as he gave Dean a knowing look.

Dean sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair as he avoided Sam’s gaze. “I messed up, Sam”, he admitted, his voice tinged with self-loathing. “I just… I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t… be with her, not after everything”.

Sam’s brow furrowed with concern as he listened to Dean’s confession, his heart aching for his brother’s pain. He could see the turmoil etched on Dean’s face.

“Dean, you can’t keep punishing yourself like this”, Sam said gently, his voice filled with empathy as he placed a comforting hand on Dean’s shoulder. “What happened wasn’t your fault. You were under the influence of the Mark. You have to let go of the past and forgive yourself”.

Dean’s jaw clenched with frustration as he struggled to contain his emotions. “I know, Sam”, he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “But every time I’m in this fucking kitchen, all I can think about is… what I did to her. It’s like I can’t escape the memories”.

“I get it, Dean”, he said softly. “But you can’t let those memories define you. You’re more than your past mistakes. You have to believe that”.

Sam paused, his gaze turning serious as he met Dean’s eyes. “You need to talk to her, Dean”, he said firmly. “You need to tell her that she didn’t do anything wrong. She needs to hear it from you”.

Dean’s frustration boiled over as he listened to Sam’s words of encouragement. Anger flashed in his eyes as he shook his head in disbelief.

“I’m a fucking loser, Sam”, Dean muttered bitterly, his voice tinged with self-disgust. “I couldn’t even do that one stupid thing right. I couldn’t even stay hard for her”.

Dean's admission hung heavy in the air, his words echoing with the weight of his own self-condemnation. As the reality of his own shortcomings settled over him, he felt a wave of shame wash over him like a suffocating tide.

"Dean, you're not a loser", Sam reiterated gently. "You're just struggling right now. It's okay to feel frustrated and disappointed, but you can't let it consume you".

But Dean couldn't shake the feeling of disgust that gnawed at his insides, the knowledge that he had failed in the most intimate of moments burning like a brand on his conscience. He clenched his fists at his sides, his jaw set in a tight line as he struggled to contain his emotions.

"But it doesn't change the fact that I let her down. I let myself down".

Sam's heart went out to his brother, the pain and self-loathing etched on his face like a roadmap of past mistakes. He wanted nothing more than to ease Dean's burden, to show him that he was worthy of love and forgiveness.

Dean pulled himself away from Sam's comforting touch, a heavy sense of defeat weighing on his shoulders as he reached for a bottle of whisky on the nearby table. Without a word, he turned and walked out of the bunker, the weight of his own guilt and self-doubt dragging him down with every step.

Sam watched him go, a deep sigh escaping his lips as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He felt powerless, unsure of how to help his brother or mend the broken pieces of your fractured relationship. The rift between you and Dean seemed wider than ever, and Sam couldn't shake the feeling of helplessness that gnawed at his insides.

As he sank onto the nearest chair, Sam couldn't help but wonder if there was anything he could do to bring the two of you back together, to heal the wounds that still lingered between you.

As the night fell and Sam drifted off to sleep, you found yourself wandering through the bunker, the weight of your thoughts heavy on your mind. After a while of searching, you finally found Dean sitting in your shared room, his silhouette illuminated by the soft glow of the bedside lamp.

You hesitated in the doorway, the air heavy with the scent of whiskey. Dean sat on the edge of the bed, his head bowed and shoulders slumped, lost in his own world of pain and regret.

For a moment, you simply stood there, unsure of what to say or do. The distance between you felt insurmountable.

"Dean?", you called out softly, your voice barely above a whisper as you stepped further into the room. Your heart clenched with uncertainty, unsure if he would even respond to you in his current state of intoxication.

Dean lifted his head at the sound of your voice, his eyes bloodshot and glazed with the effects of the alcohol. His gaze met yours, a mixture of surprise and resignation flickering in their depths.

You took a tentative step closer, your breath catching in your throat as you struggled to find the right words. "Are you okay?", you asked, your voice trembling with concern as you reached out a hand towards him.

Dean chuckled darkly, a bitter edge to the sound as he shook his head in disbelief. "Why the hell are you asking me that?", he muttered, his voice tinged with sadness and self-loathing. "If anyone should be asking if you're okay, it's me. I'm the one who screwed everything up, who couldn't even… couldn't even…".

His words trailed off into a heavy silence, the weight of his own failures bearing down on him. He looked away, unable to meet your gaze as shame and regret washed over him in waves.

You knelt down in front of Dean, your eyes searching his for any sign of comfort or reassurance. Before you could utter another word of apology, Dean cut you off, his voice firm and resolute.

"Stop apologizing", he said, his tone gentle yet firm. "You did absolutely nothing wrong".

His words washed over you like a soothing balm, easing the ache of guilt and self-doubt that had been gnawing at your insides.

Dean reached out, gently cupping your face in his hands as he looked into your eyes with sincerity and affection.

"You're absolutely breathtaking, gorgeous, and hot", he murmured, his voice filled with genuine admiration. "And it could never be your fault. You hear me?".

His words warmed your heart, melting away the last remnants of doubt and insecurity that lingered within you

You carefully asked, your voice barely above a whisper, “Then why did you stop?”.

Dean’s expression softened, a mixture of regret and sorrow flickering in his eyes as he searched for the right words. His hands slowly sinking from your face.

“It’s not you, it’s me”, he admitted, his voice tinged with self-reproach. “I just… I couldn’t get out of my own head, couldn’t shake the memories of what I’ve done”.

After a moment, you gathered the courage to speak again, your voice barely above a whisper as you voiced the suggestion that had been lingering in your mind.

“Maybe… maybe we should start with just sharing the bed tonight”, you suggested, your words tentative yet filled with longing. “We don’t have to do anything more than that. Just… be close to each other”.

Dean’s eyes met yours, a mixture of relief and gratitude shining in their depths as he nodded in agreement. “Yeah”, he whispered, his voice filled with emotion. “I’d like that”.

You stood up, feeling a sense of tentative hope blossoming within you as you reached out and took Dean’s hand. With a silent understanding passing between you, you led him towards the bed, each step bringing you closer to the intimacy and connection you both craved.

As you settled beneath the covers together, the warmth of the bed enveloping you, Dean pulled you close, his arms wrapping around you in a protective embrace. The tension that had hung between you slowly melted away, replaced by a comforting sense of closeness and familiarity.

As you nestled against Dean's chest, his heartbeat a steady rhythm beneath your ear, he brushed a strand of hair away from your face and looked into your eyes with a tenderness that took your breath away.

"I love you", he whispered, his voice soft but filled with sincerity. "I always have, and I always will".

Tears welled up in your eyes at his words, overwhelmed by the depth of emotion that flowed between you. With a shaky breath, you reached up to cup his cheek, your fingers trembling with the intensity of your feelings.

"I love you too, Dean", you whispered back, your voice filled with emotion. "More than anything in this world".

A few hours before, Sam sat in the library, his brow furrowed with concern as he dialed Jodie's number, hoping that she could offer some guidance or support in the midst of the turmoil that had engulfed you and Dean.

"Hey, Jodie", Sam greeted her, his voice filled with urgency. "I was hoping we could talk. It's about (y/n) and Dean. I think they could really use someone to talk to".

Jodie listened attentively, her expression thoughtful as she processed Sam's words. "Of course, Sam", she replied, her voice filled with compassion. "I'd be happy to talk to them".

Sam nodded, even though Jodie couldn't see him over the phone. "Can you come over tomorrow?".

Jodie agreed, promising to be there for you and Dean when you needed her most.

As the next morning arrived, you felt Dean's gaze on you, his eyes filled with tenderness as he brushed a strand of hair away from your face. His voice was soft as he mumbled a gentle "morning".

As you opened your eyes and met Dean's gaze, the memories of the awful night came flooding back, sending a jolt of anxiety coursing through your veins. You couldn't help but recoil slightly, the weight of the past bearing down on you once again.

Dean's heart clenched at the sight of your reaction, his own pain mirrored in your eyes. He reached out tentatively, his hand hovering in the air as if unsure of whether to touch you or not.

As you reached out to him, your hand trembling slightly, your fingers lightly grazing his lightly bearded cheek, Dean's tired eyes met yours, filled with a mixture of longing and uncertainty. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt the warmth of your touch, a surge of emotion coursing through him at the sight of your soft smile.

Leaning forward, you closed the distance between you, your lips meeting his in a gentle, tentative kiss. The sensation of your lips against his sent sparks flying through his veins, igniting a fire deep within his soul. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close as he deepened the kiss, losing himself in the sweetness and warmth of your embrace.

For a moment, the world faded away, leaving only the two of you, lost in the intensity of your shared desire.

As you pulled back slightly, your breath coming in ragged gasps, you couldn't help but notice the dark circles under Dean's eyes, evidence of a sleepless night spent wrestling with his demons.

"Did you even sleep for an hour?", you asked softly, concern lacing your voice as you brushed a strand of hair away from his forehead. "You look exhausted".

Dean sighed, his shoulders slumping with fatigue as he met your gaze. "Not really", he admitted, his voice tinged with weariness. "But being with you like this… it's the only thing that makes me feel alive".

Your heart clenched at his words, the depth of his longing and desire mirrored in his eyes.

Dean carefully pulled you on top of him, his touch gentle and tentative, as if he feared breaking you with his grasp. He looked up at you with a mixture of desire and uncertainty, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation or discomfort.

"You can stop me whenever you want", he whispered softly, his voice filled with a mixture of longing and restraint.

As you straddled his hips, Dean sat up slightly, his hands brushing over your thighs with a delicate touch. You could feel the warmth of his palms against your skin, sending shivers of anticipation coursing through your body. His gaze never leaving yours, he searched for any indication of what you desired, his own desire simmering just beneath the surface.

With a hesitant yet eager energy, Dean leaned forward, pressing his lips against yours in a tender kiss. His movements were slow and deliberate, as if he were savoring every moment, every sensation. As his hands continued to explore your body with gentle caresses, you felt yourself melting into his touch, your own desire building with each passing moment.

You felt Dean's growing arousal beneath you, a silent testament to his longing and desire. It pulsed against you, matching the rhythm of your own racing heart. Your hands tangled in his hair as you lost yourself in the heat of the moment, the world fading away as you focused solely on the sensation of his lips against yours.

As the kiss deepened, Dean's breath grew ragged, his desire palpable in the air between you. Breaking the kiss, he looked into your eyes with a mixture of longing and uncertainty.

"You want to try again tonight?", he asked softly, his voice filled with a combination of hope and apprehension. He wanted nothing more than to show you his love, to erase the pain of the past and build a new future together.

You met Dean's gaze, seeing the vulnerability and sincerity shining in his eyes. With a small smile, you nodded in response to his question, your own heart filled with a mixture of hope and anticipation.

"Yeah", you whispered softly. "I would like that".

Dean's eyes softened at your words, a wave of relief washing over him as he pulled you close, savoring the feeling of your body pressed against his.

"I love you", he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper as he leaned in to capture your lips in a tender kiss.

As you melted into his embrace, the warmth of his love enveloping you, you felt a sense of peace and contentment wash over you. His arms wrapped around you felt like a safe haven, a refuge from the storms of the past.

"I love you too", you whispered softly.

After a while, Dean's stomach grumbled loudly, breaking the peaceful silence that had settled between you. You chuckled softly, the sound mingling with his laughter as you looked at each other.

"I think that's our cue to eat something", you said, your voice playful as you gently teased him. "We can't let those stomachs go empty, can we?".

Dean grinned, the sparkle returning to his eyes as he nodded in agreement. "Definitely not", he replied. "I'm starving".

You both getting up from the bed, and making your way to the kitchen.

You felt Dean's arms wrap around you as you stood at the kitchen counter, preparing sandwiches. His touch was gentle, his warmth enveloping you like a comforting embrace. His whisper tickled your ear as he spoke softly, declaring his love for you in a tender, heartfelt manner.

"I love you", he murmured, his words sending shivers down your spine as you leaned into his embrace. But then, as his arms encircled you, you couldn't help but tense up. It was the first time since that one evening—the evening when everything changed—that you found yourselves in the kitchen like this, sharing a moment of intimacy that was both familiar and fraught with memories.

Dean sensed the subtle shift in your body, the tension that crept into your muscles despite his efforts to comfort you. His heart sank at the realization that even though he longed to recapture the closeness you once shared, there were still barriers between you that he couldn't seem to breach.

"I'm sorry", he whispered softly. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just… I miss us, you know?".

You turned around slowly, meeting Dean's gaze with weary eyes, the weight of your shared history hanging heavy between you. His beautiful green eyes searched yours.

"I'm trying, Dean", you admitted softly, your voice barely above a whisper as you reached out to touch his cheek gently. "I want to move forward, to find our way back to each other. But it's hard… so hard".

You felt the tears prickling at the corners of your eyes, the ache in your heart threatening to overwhelm you.

As Jodie and Sam entered the kitchen, you and Dean exchanged surprised glances, not expecting to see them at this hour. Especially not Jodie.

Jodie's warm smile and Sam's reassuring presence instantly put you at ease, their arrival bringing a sense of comfort and familiarity to the room.

"Morning, you two", Jodie greeted cheerfully, her eyes twinkling with mischief as she took in the scene before her. "Hope we're not interrupting anything".

Dean chuckled softly, his tension easing slightly at Jodie's lighthearted tone. "No, not at all", he replied, offering her a small smile. "Just making some breakfast".

Sam nodded in agreement, his gaze flickering between you and Dean with a knowing look. "We thought we'd join you", he added, his voice warm with affection. "If that's okay".

You nodded in response to Sam's suggestion, a sense of gratitude washing over you at the thought of having them join you for breakfast. As you continued making sandwiches, Dean stepped in to help.

Jodie and Sam watched from the table, their eyes filled with warmth as they observed the two of you working together in the kitchen. Jodie couldn't help but feel a pang of curiosity.

"So, how did you two sleep?", she asked casually, her tone light yet filled with genuine interest. "I hope you're feeling better today".

Dean glanced at you, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips as he nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we're doing okay", he replied. "Thanks for asking".

Jodie's curiosity seemed to veer into more intimate territory as she leaned forward, her eyes narrowing with interest.

"So, how's your… intimate life?", she asked, her tone gentle yet probing as she delved into the details of your relationship with Dean.

You couldn't help but tense at the question, feeling a flush of embarrassment creeping up your neck. Dean's expression hardened, his gaze shooting daggers at Sam.

"Why the hell did you tell her about that?", Dean demanded, his voice laced with annoyance as he shot Sam a glare.

Sam shifted uncomfortably, realizing he may have overstepped a boundary. "I was just trying to help", he explained. "I thought she might be able to offer some insight or advice".

Jodie raised an eyebrow at Sam's explanation before turning her attention back to you and Dean. "Well, if you're not comfortable talking about it, that's okay", she said reassuringly.

You bit your lip, feeling a mix of embarrassment and frustration wash over you. Your shoulders slumped as you continued making sandwiches, your back still turned to Sam and Jodie.

Dean turned around to face them, his arms crossed over his chest. His expression was angry and annoyed, but his voice was surprisingly gentle as he addressed Jodie and Sam.

"I appreciate your concern, but some things are better left between us", he said, his tone firm yet understanding. "We'll figure things out on our own".

Sam nodded in agreement, chastened by Dean's response. Jodie offered an apologetic smile before changing the subject, sensing the tension in the air.

Dean's sense of shame deepened as he realized that more people knew about his past actions, intensifying the self-loathing that already gnawed at him. Carefully, he placed a hand on your back, seeking some solace in your presence.

"Are you alright?"he asked softly, his voice tinged with concern as he felt you shudder at his touch.

You drew in a shaky breath, trying to compose yourself as you turned to face him. "I'm okay", you replied, forcing a small smile despite the turmoil swirling within you. "Just… a lot to process".

You placed plates in front of Sam and Jodie before turning back to the kitchen island to nibble at your own sandwich, trying to distract yourself from the uncomfortable tension in the room.

Jodie's voice broke the silence, her tone hesitant yet curious. "Won't you two come sit at the table?", she asked, gesturing towards the chairs around the dining area.

Dean's jaw clenched, his expression hardening as he shook his head firmly. "No, we won't", he replied tersely, his voice leaving no room for argument.

Sam gave Jodie an intense look, a silent communication that made her realize why you two were hesitant to sit at the table. Her eyes widened in understanding as she muttered, "Oh no".

With a heavy heart, she apologized to the two of you, her voice filled with genuine remorse. But before she could say anything more, Dean pushed himself away from the kitchen island, his movements tense and agitated. Without a word, he left the room, his footsteps echoing softly as he made his way towards the garage, seeking solace in the solitude of his own thoughts.

Feeling overwhelmed by the weight of your emotions, you couldn't hold back the tears any longer. As they streamed down your cheeks, Sam approached you with understanding in his eyes. Without a word, he enveloped you in his large arms, offering you the comfort and support you desperately needed.

You buried your face against his chest, letting out all the pent-up anguish and sorrow that had been building inside you. In the safety of Sam's embrace, you allowed yourself to release the flood of emotions that had been threatening to consume you.

Jodie's voice broke through the haze of your tears. "I'm so sorry", she murmured, her tone heavy with regret. "I'll go talk to Dean".

As she made her way towards the garage, you couldn't help but wonder what would come of their conversation, and whether it would bring any resolution to the tensions that had arisen.

Jodie approached Dean cautiously, her footsteps echoing softly in the quiet of the garage. She could see the tension radiating off him, his shoulders hunched in defeat as he sat with his head bowed. With a heavy sigh, she lowered herself to the ground beside him, giving him a moment of silence before speaking.

“Dean”, she began softly, her voice filled with compassion. “I’m sorry about what happened back there. I had no idea…”.

Dean lifted his head, his eyes red-rimmed and weary as he looked at Jodie. “It’s not your fault”, he muttered, his voice hoarse with emotion. “I’m the one who screwed everything up”.

Jodie reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort.

“Listen to me, Dean”, she said firmly, her voice unwavering. “You may not have parents anymore, but I’m here for you. I’m the closest thing you’ve got, and I won’t let you blame yourself for something that wasn’t your fault”.

Dean’s gaze flickered with uncertainty, the pain etched on his face evident for all to see. But Jodie wasn’t about to let him wallow in self-pity.

“You were a demon, Dean”, she continued, her voice growing more insistent. “You weren’t yourself. You were under the influence of something beyond your control. It’s not your damn fault, do you hear me?”.

Dean opened his mouth to respond, but before he could utter a word, Jodie cut him off, her tone becoming even more firm and resolute.

"But nothing", she interjected, her voice leaving no room for argument. "You need to stop punishing yourself for something that wasn't your fault. You're stronger than this, Dean. You've faced demons, monsters, and worse. You can't let this one mistake define you".

Dean's eyes softened as he listened to Jodie's words, a glimmer of hope shining in their depths. He knew she was right, knew he couldn't continue to carry the weight of his past mistakes on his shoulders forever.

"Thank you, Jodie", he murmured, his voice filled with gratitude. "I needed to hear that".

"I know", Jodie replied softly, her arms wrapping around Dean in a tight embrace. "And I'm here for you, no matter what. Just remember that".

Jodie pulled back slightly, meeting Dean's gaze with a reassuring smile. "And remember, she still loves you", she said gently. "She's a smart girl, Dean. She knows it wasn't your fault. You just have to believe it too".

As Jodie and Dean talked in the garage, Sam gently loosened his grip around you, sensing that you were beginning to calm down. He looked down at you with concern, his brow furrowed with worry.

"Do you think maybe we should get rid of that stupid table?", he asked softly, his voice filled with compassion. He knew how much the sight of it had upset you, and he wanted to do whatever he could to make things right.

You nodded softly, feeling a sense of gratitude wash over you as you looked up at Sam.

"Thank you", you whispered, your voice filled with emotion. "I think that would help".

Jodie clapped her hands together once they entered the kitchen, a bright smile on her face.

"Alright, everyone", she said cheerfully, "we're going to spend some time together. All of us, including my girls".

She explained that they would be driving to the lake, to her grandparents' lake house.

"It's time for some family time. For a little fresh start", she announced, her eyes sparkling with determination.

———————————

A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰

Part 5

Taglist: @mayafatimakhan

#jensen ackles #deanwinchtser #dean x you #dean x reader #sam and dean #dean winchester #supernatural #spn #hurt/comfort #angst

105 notes · View notes

mmmichyyy · 4 months

Text

🌸 gallavich fic rec list 🌸

welcome to my 2023 fic rec list! i went through my ao3 bookmarks and my tumblr tags from this year so here's some (not all, or else this post would go on forever) of my fave (new & older) one-shots, completed multi-chaps, wips & ficlets <3

make sure to check out my 2021 list & my 2022 list ! since i'm not going to include fics i've mentioned before in this year's list :)

& don't forget to check out @gallavichfanficlibrary @gallavich-fic-club @gallavichthings @thegallavault for more recs plus @galladrabbles & @gallavichmeta too ✨ let's go!

one-shots:

doesn't matter where we go by @heymacy (The boys take a road trip.)

to think that we could stay the same by teatrolley (post-breakup au, but Mickey gets out of prison, Caleb doesn't exist, and we get really into their past and Ian’s (struggling) head)

of going home by @lalazeewrites (Valiant has taken the greatest fall from grace the superhero world has witnessed in years. The Shrike is an unregistered vigilante who doesn't even ping the radar of Chicago's crime fighting scene. Ian is forcibly put on leave from his job and returns to the Gallagher house, a failure all over again. Not only does he not know what Mickey does when the world goes dark, he doesn't know that Mickey is still living southside at all. Not since the events of eight years ago.)

quiet by @babygirlmickey (In the quiet of a perceived absence of scrutiny, Mickey can be incontrovertibly tender. Or: 5 times Mickey lets his guard down, as observed by various third parties.)

all i need in this life of sin (is me and my husband) by literatii (As embarrassing as it might be, Ian is not only his husband but also his best friend, and Mickey is pretty damn okay with that. Why the fuck would he find other people to do the exact same shit with that he already does with Ian, minus the fucking, when he can just do that shit with Ian plus the fucking? It makes no sense. Or: Ian wants the two of them to have more friends. Mickey doesn’t.)

thirteen hours by @crossmydna (Ian has known for thirteen hours that he’s not crossing the border with Mickey, so he makes the most of the time he has left with him.)

queen of decatur by jaxington (“How’d you know that?” Ian asks, smelling chum in the water, the observant little fuck. “Not like your brothers are getting sent to lady prison all that often.” Mickey thumbs at his lip, trying to find a way out of this conversation. It probably wouldn’t be too hard to distract Ian just by taking of his pants, but he is trying this new thing where he actually tells Ian what’s going on in his head. “No.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “It’s my mom.”)

like strings of fire by @gardenerian (mickey finds a safe and colorful way for ian to indulge himself when hypersexuality rears its ugly head.)

the needle and the burning body by squash (jesuisgourde) (Mickey had two burning torches for hands but he knew what to do with them. Ian's head was on fire and all he knew was how to run and keep running. How to find a cliff and jump off. How to make Mickey chase after him, again and again. And in a cold cell in prison, Mickey catches him.)

some fucked up romcom by godisthedice (Two years after they locked him up, Mickey told himself that he was done with Ian fucking Gallagher for good. Two years as a free man and he's marrying him for all the wrong reasons.)

when the sun goes down by @sam-loves-seb (super cute and fluffy lifeguard au!)

lava java by @stocious (He's being really unprofessional. Mickey might not even be gay. He might be hitting on a straight man through takeout cups.)

here's to hoping i'm not what kills you by @crestfallercanyon (After a confrontation gone bad, Mickey and the Gallaghers get Ian to the hospital. And look, Mickey always knew that if the Gallaghers had a will they'd find a way, but being roped into their schemes himself wasn't something he'd planned on signing on for. All the Gallaghers need to know is Mickey's helping out because he's not pure fucking evil. They don't need to know Mickey was scared shitless when Ian got knocked unconscious, Jesus, he can barely admit that to himself. Once Mickey knows Ian's not dead and not dying, he's out of there. Except he can't bring himself to leave.)

to the thawing wind by @gardenerian (Living and working in the icy chill of an endless winter, Ian and his family are assigned to work the farms to bolster food supply. They live quietly enough, following the rules, until Mickey and Mandy Milkovich (with all their secrets) are moved in across the road.)

i'll come meet you where you are by @crestfallercanyon (Mickey comes back from prison with a ring of vicious bruises around his neck and an edge to him Ian doesn't recognize. But he came back. He came back, and now it's time for Ian to meet him halfway.

closing in walls and ticking clocks by c_cups_bitch_u_wish (So, this is happening. Mickey is sitting in the corner of the bedroom on the comfiest fucking chair he’s ever sat in, and his adult self and adult Ian are about to fuck. And he’s going to watch. What's most odd is that this doesn't even feel like the weirdest thing to happen to him today.)

a spark of fire by @lingy910y (“You wanted us to finally have some time alone. You wanted to keep me safe, but you didn’t really care as long as we were together. You didn’t want it to end.” Mickey swallows a lump in his throat. “I…I don’t fuckin’ know.” “But can I, uh, ask you something else?” Ian rubs his thumbs together. “You like me, Mick. You fucking like me.”)

flip fuck? by @gallawitchxx (Mickey’s always thought that Valentine’s Day was fucking gay. But then some dramatic, ginger fuckhead had to move into the room next to his, and steal his hole, his heart, and the attention of his tumblr mutuals. Mickey decides to keep it lowkey when he asks Ian to spend the evening together: You wanna hang out on Tuesday? Ian’s response is quick and gives absolutely nothing away: Sure thing! That big-dicked idiot better remember it’s fucking Valentine’s Day.)

completed:

prelude motel by @whatthebodygraspsnot (When Mickey’s secret spot is infiltrated by an intriguing stranger, all the warning signs are there. Despite the voice in the back of his head telling him to disengage, he can’t help but bite off more than he can chew, running straight back to the spot and the stranger when a job leaves him injured. Enter: the Prelude Motel - where, for the next three days, Mickey finds himself hiding from more than just his pursuers.)

garden song (series) by @gardenerian (two gorgeous fics about ian's bipolar, about hope, healing, and tomatoes)

better by anomalously (It's been ten years since Ian's seen Mickey.)

in your love by @sgtmickeyslaughter (Mickey had been out of prison for 2 years and Ian never would have known until they ran into one another on a random night in May. Ian fights for the love they shared while Mickey fights for the life he built, as they both struggle with shame and guilt from their shared past it becomes clear that they cannot help but be drawn to what is bright and beautiful between them.)

whumptober 2023 (series) by @sam-loves-seb (21 beautiful fics of angst & hurt/comfort)

out of nowhere by @suzy-queued (Ian should have never offered to hide his father's stash of gold. Now he's stuck living on a deserted piece of land in the woods, alone, losing his sanity. Mickey wants nothing more than to disappear — from prison, from his family, from the entire world. If only he knew where to get his hands on a cool million. The Gallagher gold. Mickey wants it. Ian will do anything to protect it. Who will cave first?)

all these things i have left to say to you by @crestfallercanyon (After all this time that Ian's been missing, he leaves a tape recorder on Mickey's pillow. And on it? An hour of pure, unfiltered, Ian audio that is all, apparently, dedicated to him.)

wips:

keys to my heart by @milkovichrules (Ian finds his stable college life getting difficult when a new neighbour moves into the dorms.)

intro to quantum dating by @spoonfulstar (another college au) (one of my fave fics of all time!!)

the ink is a witness to this by @palepinkgoat (six chapters about the stories tattoos can hold and hide.)

order up by @heymacy (Ian and Mickey work together at a Chicago diner. They like to push each other's buttons - all their buttons. How long until the dam finally breaks?)

second chapters by @squidyyy23 (When Mickey’s PO assigns him a job at the local library, he’s pleasantly surprised—not that he’d ever admit it. Practically lived in the prison library, and what better way to start his new life than with a career he might actually enjoy. And when he meets the charming, clever, utterly fuckable, redheaded children’s librarian, well, shit just keeps getting better and better. Mickey’s definitely not interested in anything serious right now, but what’s the harm in a little fun?)

electric blue by @goodkwuestion (Paramedic Ian Gallagher knows true love exists. He's not going to settle until he finds it either, no matter how much his friends and family roll their eyes at him. Mickey Milkovich, on the other hand, isn't sure about all that stuff. He's an engineer with a long to-do list, and chasing rainbows isn't on it. He'll never say no to a good time and a pretty face though. When they meet, it will feel like kismet, something inevitable that neither of them can shake. Honestly though, who would want to? Falling in love can be the easiest thing in the world, especially when the whole universe is rooting for you... That's if the whole universe is rooting for you.)

ficlets:

all of @heymrspatel's drabbles, especially this one of ian being self-conscious about his body

docks scene & birthday suit gardening ficlets by @metalheadmickey

all of @lupeloto's sweet & domestic ficlets

@sam-loves-seb's meta about ian being the moon and mickey being the sun

ian's birthday ficlet & 31 ways we never meet (a.u.gust 2023 ficlets) by @callivich

airport confessions by @dynamic-power

gallavich drabbles by @whatthebodygraspsnot

all of @howlinchickhowl's a.u.gust 2023 ficlets!

(if you made it this far, i also write fics occasionally too so here's a self-promo lol)

#gallavich fic rec #gallavich fic #ian and mickey fic #gallavich fic recs #ian x mickey #gallavich

171 notes · View notes