#sam winchester meta
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in re: “cas knows dean better than sam”
“cas sees dean as a whole person and sam just sees dean’s façade as his big brother slash parent” but like how and where. outside of your fanfiction. season and episode. scene and line. if it’s so obvious and apparent you should have at least 3-5 concrete examples right? “sam doesn’t know dean carried him out of the burning house” yeah but did cas? outside of a footnote in the angelic manila folder they gave him between seasons 3 and 4 so he could better manipulate him and sam into doing heaven’s bidding? like if you’re going to say “cas knows dean better than sam” than you need to show how cas succeeds where you perceive sam to be failing at the very least. but even your perceptions of how sam doesn’t measure up are so warped, blinkered, and moronic that it wouldn’t even be worth much if you could provide the textual evidence, but at least you’d have a semblance of a point. like say anything without going “as an eldest daughter…” “well my relationship with my sibling isn’t…” please say anything without fucking projecting your own self-pitying crybaby bullshit onto your little woobie dean and using the actual canon text of the show. I’m literally begging you.
like the thing of it all is and always has been that you’re so hell-bent on twisting the sam and dean relationship to fit into this narrow and almost entirely inaccurate mold which is the basis upon which you build the entire Destiel Mythos that you literally lose all sense of media literacy. you don’t even miss the forest for the trees, you miss the trees for like, the pretend invisible things you’re seeing in between the trees, the forest is a whole long way away from your current level of perception. because the Destiel Mythos is based entirely on the fact that dean is Not Seen and Not Appreciated and Not Loved and Cannot Be Himself until cas comes along, and that Family (read: sam) Is Only A Burden on Him That He Must Be Freed From In Order to Flourish, so you keep trying to warp the sam relationship into something that is only one dimension of it – and keep ignoring the ways in which dean is seen, loved and understood within it, because you need to keep lying to yourselves that there is a narrative need to emancipate dean from something that he has never wanted emancipation from because it is ultimately a net good for dean in the particular circumstances of their lives. it’s also profoundly unhealthy, codependent, evil and toxic etc. (a lot more dean’s fault than sam’s but I will nawt be getting into all that right now) but that doesn’t change the fact that sam and dean both know and understand and feel deeply that they are each other’s person – that they know the best and love the most in the world. but that – which IS true canon fact – is incompatible with the Destiel Mythos so it must be ignored and all good sense must be thrown out the window in order to do it.
anyway i digress there are two main categories of Bad Thinking that i will be addressing below
childhood/ “parent/child” / blah blah blah
every single thing people are saying in favour of the deeply stupid thesis in the title of this post is proof positive of the very silly form of ‘analysis’ I just described. a few things:
“wah sam didn’t know that dean carried him out of the burning house :( this means that dean withholds things from sam to protect him because he is a PARENT and sam can only know things about him in the context of him being a PARENT to him” – what the fuck are you on about genuinely. first of all reducing the sam/dean relationship exclusively to parent/child is in itself foolishness for so many reasons that I don’t have time for right now. but also, it’s clear that this is just something that happened when sam was a baby that just never came up. in the scene (1.09) where this is brought up, dean is mildly surprised that he or john never mentioned that detail and then states that sam knows the rest of the story (i.e. the actual traumatic stuff) just as well as dean does – which is true, demonstrably whenever they talk about it.
obviously there are some things that happened to dean in their childhood that sam doesn’t know about (or didn’t know about, until told in whatever episode they come up in). equally, there are things dean doesn’t know about sam’s childhood, e.g. the fact that he was so lonely he needed a zanna (11.08). or how dean didn’t remember that sam was friends with barry cook until he mentions it when they go back to their old school (4.13). or about the nature of sam’s relationship with amy pond (7.03). these don’t mean that ‘sam withheld these things to protect dean out of parental love’ lol, it’s just that there are details and events in each of their lives that the other happens to not have been told about.
similarly “sam didn’t even know dean wanted to be a firefighter L” girl did dean know sam wanted to be a lawyer? in 1.01 he’s pretty surprised that sam has a law school interview. the point here isn’t “neither sam nor dean know each other well,” these are minutiae that aren’t relevant to how well you know someone as a whole, and very poorly demonstrate the bad and inaccurate point that dean withholds things from sam the way a parent does a child (on a constant or regular basis). obviously the way they were raised, sam was deemed too young to know about certain things until he got older and dean had to keep that secret, but as shown in 3.08 flashbacks, most if not all of this is eventually revealed throughout their childhood when sam is still fairly young.
or possibly the dumbest one is that “wah sam doesn’t even know that dean reads books L” whenever that was he was also obviously joking because in more serious moments (e.g. 8.14) he admits that dean is smart/a better researcher than he is, literally remembers dean reading to him as a kid (8.21) so like. clam down
one of the extra annoying variants of this type of ‘proof’ covers things that are very clearly novel pieces of information about dean that dean, sam, and the audience are learning about dean in real time. like if you’re actually watching the show to comprehend it as it was intended to be comprehended, instead of funnelling everything through the Destiel Machine until it’s unrecognizable slop that fits neatly into your pre-ordained molds that Make Destiel Necessary In the Narrative (when it actually isn’t, at all) it’s abundantly clear. the top two worst offenders:
“sam didn’t even know that dean is good with kids :( he doesn’t even realize that dean raised him :(” first of all you people need to understand that parentification does not literally create a parent-child dynamic between siblings but I digress – this doesn’t make any sense bro. in 1.03 dean admits he doesn’t know any kids as an adult. dean being good with his own kid brother when they were both kids is to any reasonable person not necessarily linked with him being good with other random kids when he’s an adult. in 1.03 it’s clear that dean himself is a bit surprised that he’s able to connect w/ lucas so well because he’s clearly not dealt with a lot of kids since sam grew up. the whole point of this is that dean, sam, and the audience are all sort of seeing a new side of dean. who again is just 26. after this very early episode, there’s no question from sam that dean is able to connect w kids. sam being a bit surprised by this also has absolutely zero connection with him not understanding or realizing that dean looked out for him when they were both kids – sam is standing there at 22 years of age talking about adult dean and children – of fucking course he doesn’t mean himself are you stupid.
from the very first season, sam is very clearly aware of everything dean ~did for him~ when they were kids, see e.g. 1.21: “Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. […] For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And I don't know, I just wanted to let you know, just in case.”
and 1.06: DEAN: Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way. (SAM laughs.) SAM: Yeah, I know you are.
and then possibly even more stupidly, the one where it’s like “wah sam doesn’t even know dean can cook :( he doesn’t even know that DEAN was the one making him food as a babe in arms :(” – when sam is surprised that dean made something fairly gourmet and from scratch literally the first time they have ever had a permanent living space with a functional kitchen. in this VERY scene (8.14), dean himself points out that they haven’t had a kitchen before and when sam remarks on the irregularity of him doing serious cooking, he says “I’m nesting”, clearly showing that this is a novel development because they now have a kitchen, and that it’s irregular relative to past behaviour – both of them acknowledge this. because real proper in-depth cooking and making box mac and cheese for sam until he was like 11 and old enough to be left alone are two different things, which sam understands because he’s smart, unlike whoever chooses to make this point. dean never showed significant signs of liking to cook before this, which is what the exchange is about, but he did have to prepare food for them both when sam was too young – of course sam knows he had to, there are childhood memories referred to (e.g. 14.11) where sam is mentioned to literally help dean do the cooking as kids lol (and yes, genius, sam says ‘I didn’t know you knew what a kitchen was’ or something to that effect, but if you think he’s being 100% literal there I have an oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you)
again, obviously there are pieces that sam doesn’t know about dean, e.g. when he’s talking about his response to mary dying in 1.03. but again, Sam is 22, dean is 26, the last time they were in regular contact was when sam was 18-20, these are things that happen when people grow up, they’re able to reflect and share on childhood experiences if they’re close with their siblings as adults. it’s clearly not something that 26 y/o dean wanted to hide from 22 y/o sam. yes sam didn’t know everything about how dean felt when they were young, but that’s equally true in the other direction, and it’s such an irrelevant point in this discussion when, crucially, sam does learn these things about dean mostly fairly early on in the series (i.e. when they’re really not that deep into adulthood yet). cas was also not magically blessed w/ knowledge about dean, he also had to learn whatever it is that he knows, but somehow sam has to know everything about dean from age 7 or it doesn’t count when it’s sam lol.
“sam doesn’t know the One True Dean / doesn’t see through his facades”
the next branch of defending this flawed thesis is invariably that sam has little idea of the fronts and facades that dean puts up and is content to just believe them, whereas cas digs deep and sees the One True Dean that stupid sam always misses. there is nothing in the text that demonstrates this is true. multiple times, we see sam being very knowing of the fact that dean puts up fronts and facades. sam is also knowledgeable of the way dean perceives himself, and – demonstrated in multiple episodes before such sam lines were very poorly recycled and regurgitated into cas’s dialogue in 15.18, but keep acting like that was the first time anyone ever showed that they knew the One True Dean.
Obviously there are times where sam teases dean when he’s being more touchy-feely than usual, but 9.99 times out of 10 (as a conservative estimate in case there's something i'm forgetting otherwise i would say every time) that’s very clearly coming from a place of knowing the real dean vs. the façade he puts up because that’s the whole joke. and it’s allowed to be a joke because they’re siblings and that’s what siblings do lol. esp since sam and dean have touchy feely moments at the end of like every episode.
examples of all of the above off the top of my head (there are more than these, but these are the ones I can think of):
2.02 (about John’s death)
Sam: “I mean this ‘strong silent’ thing of yours, it's crap. […] I'm over it. This isn't just anyone we're talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man.”
Dean: “You know what, back off, all right? Just because I'm not caring and sharing like you want me to.”
Sam: “No, no, no, that's not what this is about, Dean. I don't care how you deal with this. But you have to deal with it, man. Listen, I'm your brother, all right? I just want to make sure you're okay.”
2.03 (Sam to Dean, also about John’s death): “You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory.”
Note that Dean essentially admits that Sam is right in these two instances in 2.04 bc I know yall have stupid shit to say about john too that has nothing to do with how anyone actually felt about him in canon
3.07 (about Dean’s demon deal – also proven true in later episodes)
SAM: Dude, drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.
DEAN: I'm not!
SAM: You're lying. And you may as well drop it 'cause I can see right through you.
DEAN: You got no idea what you're talking about.
SAM: Yeah, I do. You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out, and you're still going to Hell, and you're freaked.
DEAN: And how do you know that?
SAM: Because I know you! […] Yeah, I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And, I mean, I can't blame you. It's just […] I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause... (can't find words; tears in his eyes) just 'cause.
5.18 [Sam figures out what Dean is doing re: his plan to let Michael possess him, tracks him down, and eventually is the catalyst for Dean ‘making the right call’, which he predicts] – e.g.:
SAM: No, you won’t. When push shoves, you’ll make the right call
DEAN: You know, if tables were turned…I’d let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here.
SAM: Yeah, well…I guess I’m not that smart.
DEAN: I—I don’t get it. Sam, why are you doing this?
SAM: Because… you’re still my big brother.
8.14 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18 + sam intrinsically understanding the trials are a death wish for dean): “I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it. […] I AM smart, and so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius – when it comes to lore, to – you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen – better than me, better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So, please – please believe in me, too.”
10.22 (understanding how much dean has ~done for him~)
SAM: I'm saving my brother.
CASTIEL: You told Dean—
SAM: —I know what I told Dean. Cas, look. I've been the one out there, messed up and scared. And alone. And Dean—
CASTIEL: He did whatever he could to save you.
SAM: Yes. I mean, it's become his thing. I owe him this. I owe him everything.
10.23 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18, x2 – from Sam to Dean): “You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way. […] You will never, ever hear me say that you -- the real you -- is anything but good.”
11.13 (Sam understanding exactly how Dean feels about Amara being his ‘deepest desire’, and confirming that it doesn’t make him a bad person)
Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m…
Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?
Dean: For starters, yeah.
Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I’m not.
Dean: You know that I want her ass dead.
Sam: Yes. Of course. And I know you’ve also probably beaten yourself up a hundred times over it, but where has that gotten us? (Long silence) Just how bad is it?
13.02 (Sam perfectly explaining Dean’s psyche to Jack)
JACK: Is that why Dean hates me?
SAM: Dean doesn’t hate you. It… Look, sometimes the wires in Dean’s head get crossed and—and he gets frustrated, and then he mixes frustration with anger, and—and fear.
JACK: Why would he be afraid?
SAM: Because Dean feels like it’s his job to protect everyone. And right now, we need to protect you. But we may also need to protect people from you.
14.03 [Sam assesses Dean’s psychological/emotional response to the Michael possession; end of episode, Dean confirms that Sam’s assessment was fully accurate]
14.10 [Sam is the only one able to snap Dean out of his weird Michael mind loop by using their code word]
14.11 [Sam figuring out that something is troubling Dean just based on the fact that Dean hugs him]
15.17 (self explanatory at this point)
DEAN: Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that! I won't!
SAM: I know you feel like that right now, okay. I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me— from Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but... it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please... put the gun away. Just put it away, and we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do.
like maybe there are some cas moments w dean along these lines too. i don't know, i don't remember what the guy says or does anymore it's been too many years and he is not memorable. but the point is where and in what capacity and based on what metric other than the amount of bad fanfic you've read does cas exceed sam in these respects.
so basically just. genuinely, what are you people literally ever talking about. go watch the show instead of saying stupid wrong stuff about sam on the hellsites all day. or watch another show (please for the love of god watch any other show this one is absolutely lost on you and it’s such a stupid one too i'm embarrassed for you)
#sorry i wasnt gonna be able to sleep otherwise my blood pressure got too high#sam winchester meta#sam winchester#anti destiel#sam and dean#whatever else my tags are#haven't done this in a minute#i'm sorry for being a cunty sam stan (tm) in this but have you considered we'd be nicer if you ppl were less dumb#this is not proofread it's not real meta
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Thinking about the differences between how Dean raised Sam and how he handled Jack being born and how much John Winchester is at the heart of that difference. Dean believes that John raised Sam, and always saw John in the father position (since it was technically true), and so he focused on taking care of Sam, providing for him and keeping him safe—all the things that made him far more of a father to Sam than John ever was. But in filling the role of father for Jack, Dean falls back on the example he had, which is John’s parenting, not recognizing that he already knows how to be a good father because he already had to be one.
Additionally, I think that’s why Sam does a little better with Jack (not that he was perfect, especially at the beginning when he was trying to use Jack to get Mary back): because his example of a good father figure is Dean, who provided for him and taught him to survive.
#anyway yeah#fuck john winchester#all my homies hate john winchester#‘he did his best’#stfu dean you got arrested as a child trying to steal peanut butter and bread to feed your little brother and then he left you behind#spn#supernatural#spn meta#dean winchester#sam winchester#sam winchester meta#supernatural meta#supernatural dean#dean studies#john winchester sucks#john winchester
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besides the whole "sam is emotionally abusive" argument I keep seeing fucking everywhere (I need it gone!!), it's very obvious that a lot of people don't really understand the effect that the demon blood had on sam as a person. idk in my mind, it's always kind of compared to deans moc arc. like yes, sam was willingly drinking it, as opposed to dean not having control over the mark's influence (besides taking it on in the first place after leaving sam alone in the wake of his non-consensual & third possession but dw about that rn). in concept, the demon blood had the same effect on sam that the mark did on dean, in the way that it fucked with him innately (dean telling sam he should die, when dean's always gone to extreme lengths to save him, while sam calls dean weak, when just the next season he sacrifices himself because he's the "least of any of them"). it's not really present in the first half of the season (up to 04x14ish), when he's not consistently taking the demon blood, but it's especially obvious in the second part of the season. after reestablishing his relationship with ruby (after she guilt trips him and tells him it's his fault for people dying but we'll move on for now), he very suddenly goes from being very willing to talk to dean about hell and console him, to not really being there for dean. and while I don't love/agree with him calling dean weak for being traumatized, I think it really shows how it was making sam, an undeniably compassionate person, very closed off and cold, which is devastating in its own right, and part of the reason why the demon blood arc is so amazing.
idk I just see a lot of people constantly hating on sam for shit that he did while being high on the blood/while the blood was fucking with him, and I think a lot of those things are very un-sam things that he spends the entirety of the next season apologizing and trying to make up for. like sam in his right mind is a person who would not necessarily do the things he says/does in that season and I think that's forgotten a lot. for me, the bottom line is, if you hate sam for things he did in s4 and then turn around and immediately defend dean for things he did in s10, there's something going on there and it's not just blatant hypocrisy from the narrative.
#sam winchester meta#anti sam hate#idk I've always seen second-half s4 sam#as someone who's not fully in control/fully in his right mind#and I think that's the part that makes that arc so so good#because you're watching this person#who just wants to do good and be good#become someone they're not#because they think it's the only way#devastating#ALSO#HE SPENDS ALL OF SEASON 5#AND THEN 200+ YEARS#TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT#and every season after that#he is consistently supportive and there for dean in a way that dean is not for sam#I suppose I should tag as#dean crit#because I do not want to be attacked#I'm very worried about posting this lmao
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gazes dreamily at the ceiling. sam winchester often does good deeds in an unconventional manner. which, if taken at face value, those actions are automatically taken as an inherent threat of malicious intent. majority of characters in supernatural do not go further than face value. which inherently pushes the narrative that everything sam does right is wrong and
#dex.txt#sam winchester#spn#sam winchester meta#sillygoofy#anyway um.#im soooo normal#gnawing at the bars of my cage
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screaming crying throwing up thinking about post finale "there will be no new king of hell" boy king of hell sam winchester who accepts who he is, sam who would rule hell in a good way, sam who would make sure only bad people end up there, sam who wouldn't think he's cursed or bad because of his powers and blood
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https://www.tumblr.com/arwenadreamer/730177835866652672/to-be-honest-sam-and-dean-are-occ-in-the-first
I could not agree with your take here more.
I do ultimately think it’s a bit out of character for Sam not to do more to find Dean. But, I completely agree that, given how bat-shit crazy he went after losing Dean in the past, he was trying not to do that this time, and over-corrected. He says it right in the premiere that hunting git everyone he’s ever loved killed, so it makes sense that he cut and run from it. This guy is also not emotionally stable, especially since he’s only been un-crazy from hell hallucinations for what, a few weeks at this point?
The thing that makes me crazy about Supernatural is that both brothers make some huge mistakes, but only one of them is consistently held accountable and punished repeatedly for it. Sam’s actions are almost always understandable, if not completely reasonable, if you look at them from a certain angle, but the show very rarely does so. Both brothers have been in the wrong and bath have had the right intentions just executed badly, but only one of them never (or at least rarely ) gets the benefit of the doubt, or the benefit of narrative support. 
The post anon is referring to.
Over-corrected is such a good word for it. Like, he over-corrected so much that he did a complete 180 and sprinted in the opposite direction.
Watching supernatural as a Sam girl can be very hard at times. But I also understand Dean’s motivation and where he is coming from. And as you said, both brothers make mistakes. Both brothers also do things right that are perceived by the other brother as a mistake. The problem does not lie in the boys behaviour, spurred by their emotions. In the contrary, that makes good story telling, that's what we want to see. Winchester drama. A drama that they come out of stronger and more united for it. The problem lies in the shows framing, if you ask me. And the framing is very unbalanced. Sam's mistakes are brought up time and again. While Sam is almost always understanding and forgiving. He tells Jack once "Dean is scared. And when Dean is scared his wires get crossed." He's so right for it. (As I said, I understand Dean.) But we never hear Sam's actions explained that way. And that creates said imbalance.
It's a topic that could drive me nuts. (Could drive many Sam fans nuts.) But ultimately we can't change the show. So I try not to dwell on it and only let it out in the occasional meta analysis.
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Thank you. Really, thank you. I won't let you down.
their relationship is so uneven at this moment. there is unequal footing between them now because sam went down the dark path and 'betrayed' dean (choosing a demon over dean: ruby). even though sam had been fighting for more equal footing, dean is now even higher up in their relationship because sam needs to prove himself. sam's incredibly thankful that dean is giving him a second chance, but when do they get on equal footing again? when sam goes to hell? but then he comes back without a soul and does some terrible things, and dean saves his soul. still unequal footing. (dean does kill amy in s7 which kind of is his first betrayal against sam - that sam actually counts and stands up for. dean feels incredibly guilty for that but there's no apology and sam ends up agreeing with him). anyways, in s8 sam has let dean down by not looking for him when he was in purgatory, and dean keeps beating him up over it. sam doesn't feel he's enough or worth his brother's admiration or love ("you think i screw up everything i try"). so they're still not on equal footing, sam is the one who 'is lesser'
Do you know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was?
maybe the change starts from s9 - s10 when dean betrays him by letting an angel in. and then dean is on a dark path of his own with the MoC, and this time sam has to pull him away from it. now dean has 'betrayed' him (choosing a demon over sam: crowley) and has done horrible stuff as well. now they've both messed up and let the other one down. (but sam doesn't blame dean for the mark of cain, nor does he blame him for everything he did while he was a demon, like trying to kill him).
dean knows how far off he went (asking if sam wants a divorce and acknowledging that he tried to kill his own brother). but he also points out later that sam did cross some lines in trying to save him ("go dark"). either way, for dean this might be the turning point where he sees himself also as someone who is in the wrong, and not just sam. but sam still keeps dean to a high standard.
maybe it's just younger brother devotion. to sam, dean is nothing but good while sam himself is flawed - more flawed than he believes dean could ever be
"You will never ever hear me say, that you - the real you - is anything but good"
#was just thinking about this scene all day#incoherent rambling#something something thoughts#noscopy talks#sigh spn#sam studies#winchester studies#sam winchester meta#sam love club#so i'm a freak now?#s.w stuff#spn#supernatural
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after many months of not feeling it i am finally once again experiencing missing sam hours. reading my own never to be finished wips from 2021 to feel something and now i accidentally feel too much like
that's my kid ? my special boy? im SAD
#did i really hug jared in 2022#the 2021-22 intense spn phase is like a complete blur rn#this is what happens when you get medicated yall#i dont remember any of my ags#tags#sam winchester meta#whatever#sam winchester#i will never kill this blog it'll be 2039 and ill be like wait. sam :(. one day randomly and so i need it
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the fact that eric kripke isn't even christian really adds something to the way christianity is depicted on supernatural. because its really not about being christian at all, but about living in america, a country dominated by christianity, and having to decide for yourself how to handle that. faith is huge in supernatural, and the mythology of the show is very bible-centric, but notably, christ is never there. even sam, who starts out revering the angels, who once said he prays every night, doesn't actually call himself a christian or imply that he believes in jesus--the show is steeped in christianity and biblical lore and yet neither sam nor dean are christians. in fact, over and over again the church itself is depicted as a haunted house that sam and dean will only ever enter as strangers, as outsiders. priests, preachers, faith healers, chapels, crypts, etc. are all just iconography that create an intense sense of unease that sam and dean respond to instantly. as a jew, its very relatable. an essential part of living in america when you're not christian is that exact sense of unease, of knowing that the culture of your country has ensured that you'll get knocked over by christianity no matter where you go, that you'll see hundreds of people truly believing they're good people while doing awful things in the name of their god, and you have no choice but to confront that. kripke gets it
#i could actually write an essay about this#kripke is jewish and so is sera gamble#and when i rly think about it i think the show is very jewish#in that its a rejection of the christian interpretation of god and free will#its all about questioning what's put in front of you and i think that's a big part being jewish to me#anyway!#rambles#spn#supernatural#spn analysis#spn meta#faith#christianity#theology#kripke era#eric kripke#sam winchester#dean winchester#castiel#zachariah spn#uriel spn#anna milton#american gothic#fav#🔪
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That one time Lucifer confirmed Destiel and Dean’s feelings for Cas
#I’ll be better in 2025 I promise#supernatural#spn#dean winchester#destiel#castiel#deancas#misha collins#jensen ackles#spn crack#lucifer#sam winchester#jessica moore#spn 15x19#15x19#parallels#spn parallels#spn meta#spn 5x03#5x03#sam x jess#dean x castiel#dean x cas#destiel canon#destiel meta#destiel love confession
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Kind of funny. SPN was supposed to end in s5, with Sam in Hell, Cas in Heaven, and Dean on Earth, living with a wife and a son. But it ends after ten more season later with Cas in superhell, Dean in Heaven, and Sam on Earth, living with a wife and a son. Like some fucked up game of musical chairs. Except the chairs are never taken, the song remains the same, and they’re just going in circles. Anyways, Happy November 19th.
#remember that video where Jensen expressed dislike towards the finale#and they basically told him “look at it from the fan perspective” you mean like fans from 10 years ago???#they completely acknowledged that majority of their fandom NOW would not fucking like that ending.#they brought back Becky just to tell Chuck that it fucking SUCKED.#[sigh]#supernatural#spn#spn meta#spn finale#spngate#spn 5x22#swan song#spn 15x20#carry on#chuck won theory#chuck won#team free will#tfw#sam winchester#dean winchester#castiel#destiel#reiotalks
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you can't convince me dean wasn't already in love with castiel by s11 like. what do you mean on the episode where dean is hung up, nay, borderline desperate to find a way to get castiel back, the case they land just so happens to be handled by a hunter couple (a romantic! mlm! couple!!!!!)
dean dead ass asks them how it's like to settle down with these big green eyes just so full of longing and understanding.
LIKE TELL ME THIS ISN'T HOW DEAN STARES AT CAS !!!!!!!
and this ending, don't even get me started on this ending
THEY GET TO RETIRE!!!! THIS IS DEAN FINALLY SEEING A HAPPY ENDING FOR HUNTERS!!!!! THIS IS DEAN REALIZING AND ACCEPTING THAT IT'S POSSIBLE!!!!!!
they got me in the first half, not gonna lie, with jesse's "they killed my brother" revenge story and cesar's ride-or-die support but then. this sealed the deal.
horses???? hello mr. dean cowboy fetish winchester????? and emt???? when castiel's a whole ass healer mage with his angel mojo???? TELL ME I'M NOT DELUSIONAL
The narrative is giving, "see? this can happen. happiness does exist in this universe, but only from a far enough distance that dean and sam can yearn for it without really getting it."
#gonna be one of my new faves#LOOK AT THEM THEY'RE SO IN LOVE im getting toothaches#watching spn#supernatural#s11e19#11x19#spn meta#???#spn dean#spn sam#spn castiel#spn parallels#dean winchester#castiel#sam winchester#destiel#deancas#dean x castiel
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Thinking about early days on the road before John started leaving Sam with Dean and was still going around and talking to hunters trying to learn everything he could. Imagine you’re some hunter and you get a call that the new guy in town wants to meet at the roadhouse and talk demons or werewolves or witches or whatever, then he shows up with a 4-year-old and a baby. He’s real serious and writes down everything you say in his journal but he also has to get up halfway through to sing and bounce a cranky baby to sleep on his shoulder while the kid stares at you with a mouth full of French fries. No wonder every hunter in John’s generation seems to remember Dean and Sam whether Dean and Sam know them or not.
#also my headcanon as to how John and Bobby met#john#dean winchester#sam winchester#spn meta#supernatural#spn he#spn headcanon
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Sam Winchester and the incorporation of the word “freak” into his self-concept
In Supernatural, the word “freak” is used to describe monsters. It is the divide between the hunters and the things they hunt. A freak is thus thought to be a supernatural being – dangerous and unnatural. Being a freak has a connotation of “otherness” but has also been linked to “evil” or “monster”.
Our self-concept consists of cognitive schemas in which we organise our past experiences and new information we encounter. This sets the basis for the way we construct who we are, and how we describe ourselves. I want to explore Sam’s incorporation of the word “freak” into his self-concept, and how it has shaped him throughout the years.
Sam has felt like a freak since he was a child, not fitting in anywhere in the normal world. This is often explained as a consequence of being raised as a hunter, but we also know that Sam didn’t feel normal as a kid. When he was a kid, he saw a picture of Sir Galahad kneeling with light streaming on his face, and he thought “I could never go on a quest like that because I’m not clean.” Maybe he knew deep down as a child that he had demon blood in him, and the evil of it, and that he wasn’t pure [8x21]. He doesn’t feel normal at home either, where he stands out because he wants a normal life instead of the hunting life like John and Dean.
Identifying with the word “freak”
Although we know Sam has felt like a freak in his childhood, the first time the word hits him specifically post-Stanford is in season 2 when he is getting psychic visions. Dean calls him a “supernatural freak” [2x05]. Sam’s immediate reaction is:
And he says, “So I’m a freak now?”
At the end of the season, he finds out that he has demon blood in his system, which strengthens the feeling of being different in an evil and unclean way. The label of freak is strengthened. He is the only one who knows about the demon blood, but his psychic visions are enough to alienate him from others. Gordon and Kubrik want to hunt him in season 3, and Kubrik even says: “You’re some kind of weirdo freak”
Although Sam feels different and identifies more with the word, he doesn’t call himself a freak. It is a sore point for him, but in season 4 when Dean comes back from hell and finds out Sam has been drinking demon blood, his brother’s view of him makes him falter. He has been feeling like a freak, but he has been trying his best to make the best out of it. Dean coming back and reprimanding him with a distasteful look hits Sam hard and he starts to see how drinking demon blood has caused him to further become a freak. Dean has been on his side since everybody else started calling him a freak, but now it’s very clear from the way Dean looks at him – “like I’m some kind of freak” [4x04]. Although he’s pointing out that his brother is alienating him, that is exactly how Sam feels about himself now. He talks about the demon blood in his veins like it’s a disease in him.
And that because of this, he’s “a whole new level of freak”. He now explicitly self-identifies with the word.
As season 4 continues, Sam fears that Dean will call him a monster (so much so that he hallucinates that Dean does). His fears are confirmed when Dean says that if he didn’t know him, he would hunt him. The lines of hunter and hunted have now disintegrated. What Dean has been implying for so long is now out: Sam is a freak; he is a monster. And his following words are clear enough, “it means you’re a monster, Sammy” [4x21]. This solidifies Sam’s belief that he is one, and that being a freak = being a monster. Yet, he holds on to hope, just as he has from season 1 – that maybe he can be saved. Maybe the more people he saves, the more ‘good’ he can be. And saving everyone from the apocalypse must be the best thing he can do, right? He is a freak – but there is hope that maybe he isn’t a freak, or that maybe he is a freak for a reason, and that he can therefore do good. Maybe he can prove that a freak can be good and that this word does not define him.
And so he rushes to kill Lilith, but he is still unsure, the guilt of fighting with his brother heavy on his shoulder. But when he listens to the tweaked voicemail, in which ‘Dean’ calls him a monster and a “bloodsucking freak”, he is heart-broken, and all hope is lost. He trudges on to kill Lilith because although he believes himself to be a freak and a monster now, he still carries the thought that maybe he can prove himself different. Dean arrives and Sam becomes ambivalent again, but Lilith knows what will get him back on the path:
Sure enough, this pushes Sam to complete the task.
Once Sam realizes that his actions bear the consequences of releasing Lucifer from Hell, it becomes clear to him that he indeed was not on a path of redemption or to save himself from the ‘monster’, but rather he has fully become a freak - which leads to his self-identification and acceptance of the word. The word “freak” is now fully incorporated into his self-concept
Acceptance of the word “freak”
Sam wants out in the start of season 5, believing himself to be unfit for the hunter life after what he’s done and who he is. If it wasn’t clear enough that he has accepted himself as a freak, he says “Last time I wanted to be normal. This time I know I’m a freak” when he faces Lucifer in [5x03]. He continues season 5 believing himself to be a freak, and that the only way he can atone for what he’s done is to sacrifice himself to stop the Apocalypse. The act is not a heroic one in Sam’s mind, like killing Lilith was supposed to be. But rather it is atonement, repentance and making things right – he was the one who started the Apocalypse, and it is his responsibility to end it.
When he comes back from Hell, he is soulless – and this Sam does not believe he is a freak. Even though things are wrong with him, his self-view is different. His self-concept includes cognitive descriptions – being a good hunter, being smart but there are no affective descriptions that he applies to himself. He doesn’t feel like a freak (because he is not able to feel anything), and so he doesn’t carry that baggage with him.
When his soul is restored, he struggles mentally with images of Lucifer. The amount of torture he has been through cannot be imagined, nor what kind of negative self-conceptions about himself he has heard from Lucifer in the Cage. Nevertheless, we see a change in Sam’s relationship with the word “freak” in season 7. His mental health is so far off, he believes he is not even close to being considered ‘normal’ – and so along with his hell experience and being back with hallucinations tormenting him – being a freak still applies, and rather he believes will always apply to him. Although this time with a little redefinition.
Although the word “freak” has always carried a negative connotation, there was one person in Sam’s past who validated him being a freak – Amy Pond, the kitsune. It is so interesting how he and Amy connect over being freaks [7x03]. Amy believes herself to have a darkness in her that she is controlling in order to live a normal life and not hurt others. Even at a young age, Sam connects with that. Meeting Amy again in this episode, Sam is reminded of her definition of freak. She faced the word head-on and told Sam: “Sam, you are a freak” But she continued to associate the word with famous and talented people. Amy’s definition of freaks goes something like this: “All the coolest people are freaks”
But being reminded of Amy’s definition of freak, and having suffered from hallucinations for so long, these two experiences come together towards his acceptance of this part of him and creating a new definition for himself. He tells Dean that although he is a freak, it is not the same as being dangerous. Sam has now made his own associations of the word freak and has tweaked the word to fit him and his conception of himself. Him being a freak no longer means he is something to hunt down, it means he’s “different” and “other”, and it does not mean he poses a threat to the people around him. Not anymore. He might look like a monster, but he does not act like one.
He has been running from the word for so long, but it always comes back to chase him down. He’s not running away from it anymore, nor does he have hope that one day he won’t be a freak. He doesn’t get defensive like before, but instead tells Dean he can say it to him. “I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to be normal. Come on, I’m not normal. All the crap I’ve done. I’m a grade-A freak” [7x03].
Although he is able to view the word differently, that is not the case for Dean. Sam reacts immediately when Dean calls Amy a freak, but he invites his brother to say the word to him. Sam knows the word lives implicitly between him and Dean. Dean views the world in monsters and not-monsters, freaks and not-freaks. Sam is aware of this, but he invites Dean to speak his mind, to utter the word out loud so it surfaces in the literal reality instead of floating in the invisible between them. Being viewed as a freak by his brother is something Sam has accepted.
Dean’s view of him has always had immense power over Sam. We perceive the people around us to be mirrors of how we are, and thus their assumptions of us are incorporated into our self-concept and thought to be truths. Dean’s view of Sam as different and a freak has carried throughout the seasons, but it isn’t until Dean tells Sam in season 8 that there’s nothing “past or present, that I would put in front of you” that he reassures Sam he has worth and value, that his brother does not despise him despite (what Sam perceives to be) his shortcomings.
Reconstruction of the word “freak”
Although he starts redefining the word freak in season 7, I believe his true reconstruction of the word happens after the trials. He has tried to purify himself through the trials, and the demon blood in him has always been such an important aspect of why he feels like and is viewed as a freak.
This reconstruction takes time over the later seasons. When Sam is captured by the British Men of Letters, they make him hallucinate and I would argue that it exacerbates his deepest fears (letting people down, for example). Here, Sam hears Dean’s voice repeatedly telling him: “You’re the freak, you’re the freak, you’re the freak” [12x01]
Sam is more assured in Dean’s view of him by now, as Dean has expressed belief in him since season 8. Yet, this is still a nightmare to hear. Although this is one of Sam’s greatest fears, he is able to see through the illusion and he does not let any fear of the word affect his decision-making. Later in the season, he tells Magda (a psychic) that his powers (and the demon blood) were a part of him, and it didn’t make him evil. It just made him who he was. He has now constructed the word freak even more differently, viewing it as a part of him, but not necessarily a negative part like he has before. He used to believe it was an evil monstrous part of him, then he understood it as a monstrous but not dangerous part. Now, it’s just a part of him. It does not exclude the good in him, as he says that it just made him who he already was [12x04]
In the same season, he seems tentative with Mary, worried she might not love him. He is after all the child with the demon blood. Her love and regret at her choices in the end of the season confirms to him that he is loved by his mother, providing further healing. Dean shows belief in him, as a hunter, as a leader, and in his ability to make decisions. This is important to Sam, who lost Dean’s trust and has been reliant on making decisions based on his brother.
In season 13, Sam relates to Jack now being called the “freak”. Jack is scared that he might be evil, that his powers dictate his path – and Sam can relate to that. He says, “I know what it feels like to feel like you don’t belong, to feel there’s this darkness inside of you, to be scared of who you are, what you can do” [13x03]
But Dean calls Jack a freak and threatens to kill him, which makes Sam furious partly because he knows firsthand how Dean’s words can hurt. Dean says that he knows it’s going to end bad with this freak. Sam immediately reacts with “I didn’t end bad when I was the ‘freak’” [13x03]. No one believed in him or understood what he was going through, how being alienated took a toll on his self-view. He gives Jack the understanding he never received.
Sam also shows Jack the compassion he wasn’t given. When Sam was considered the freak, he was viewed as evil and he tried to turn this evil into good. He tried to save as many people as he could, trying to make his powers useful. When Jack finds out that Sam wants to try using his powers in order to save Mary, Sam assures him that even if that isn’t possible, Jack has inherent value. Sam tells Jack the words that would have helped him when he was struggling. “If that doesn’t work, it’s okay, because I do care about you” [13x04]. Jack’s value is not dependent on his powers, nor does he need to prove himself to make up for the acclaimed darkness in him. Sam doesn’t want Jack to internalise what he himself did – that he has to compensate for evil in him. But rather that the goodness lies already within him, and he just needs to choose to act on it.
This lesson is also what has shaped Sam’s self-concept towards a more positive development – that he is who he chooses to be. And thus, he can reshape his self-concept, and in which way the word “freak” applies to him - and in which ways it doesn’t.
#i can now rest in peace the brainworms have settled#so i'm a freak now?#there's so many negative things in his self-concept#but this is only about his journey with being called and believing that he is a freak#sam and his self-view#i'm obsessed with him okay#sam winchester#soulonoscopy meta#sam studies#spn#supernatural#sam love club#sam winchester meta#moose meta
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Here’s a parallel I noticed that highlights the difference between Cas relationship with Dean and Cas relationship with Sam pretty well. Episodes 10x22 vs 14x15
When MOC Dean is beating up Cas, Cas doesn’t hit back even once. The most he does is try to bear hug him from behind to calm him down. But not a single punch.
When Sam is Justin Smith, Cas says he won’t hurt him, but he actually does pick him up and slam him into the ground. It’s not a big deal, obviously he knows Sam can take it, but it’s something he wouldn’t even do with Dean.
Before the actual fighting, Cas tells dean, “I’m your friend… I’ll be the one that watches you murder the world.” And then when MOC Dean is on top of Cas holding the angel blade to him, Cas holds onto the wrist Dean has on his tie and the only thing he says is, “please”. He doesn’t even try to grab the hand holding the knife. And then Dean stops.
On the other hand, when Sam is on top of Cas trying to stab him, Cas uses an entirely different approach. He’s forcibly holding back Sam’s arm that’s holding the angel blade. He tells him he understands that he wants to be happy, but that if he does this he fails the people they lost. He says “if you do this you fail Jack. Sam, you fail Dean.” And that makes Sam stop.
The difference that’s so stark is that Cas has to appeal to Sam through talking about Dean. But Cas can appeal to Dean through his own relationship to him. He doesn’t need to bring up what it will do to Sam or anyone else, because their own relationship is powerful enough and he knows it.
#I could say a lot more#and I probably will in a different post#spn#supernatural#castiel#destiel#dean winchester#deancas#sam winchester#sam and cas#spn 10x22#spn 14x15#spn meta#supernatural meta#destiel meta#mark of cain#moc dean#justin smith#dean x cas#cas x dean
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It's been a while since I watched Supernatural, so don't take my opinions as gospel or anything. But I think Dean is self-hating to the point of narcissism in some ways. Don't get me wrong, I empathise with Dean and understand why fans largely do too. But his self-loathing warps his perception and becomes the centre of EVERYTHING and at times that really has ripple effects on those around him - particularly Sam.
Take their childhood, Sam has a right to mourn the fact that he didn't get a normal childhood. He's allowed to be angry that he didn't get a home, a present father, a stable community, and consistent education. But whenever Sam attempts to express his complicated feelings about his childhood, Dean immediately interprets it as ' oh I was supposed to look out for you. Are you saying I failed? Are you confirming I'm worthless?' which grinds the conversation to a complete halt. Because of Dean's intense self-criticism, Sam can never really be 100% honest with him or ask for support with his own issues, especially regarding their childhood. As anything outside of 100% gratitude just becomes another stick for Dean to beat himself with, and the conversation is immediately derailed.
Not only does Deans self-hatred mean that Sam's expression of his own experiences are pretty consistently shut down. In some ways, I think Dean strips Sam of his autonomy - he's so self-loathing, he sees every decision Sam makes as being about/a reaction to him. A good example of this is Stanford. Rather than understanding Stanford for what it was, an attempt by Sam to carve out a better life from himself and escape hunting. Dean views it as betrayal or abandonment, some re-affirmation of his own belief that he's not worth caring about. Rather than understanding it's a rejection of hunting, he sees it as Sam rejecting him. To Dean, Sam isn't attempting to find a better life, he's punishing the family.
Overall, it's interesting that people largely and rightfully sympathise with Dean due to his self-hatred. However, I don't see as much discussion about how his self-hatred doesn't just hurt him, it hurts those he's close to, as it colours his interpretation of their every action. Dean's self-loathing is always the biggest thing in the room and that has consequences.
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