#the last time I bleached them really weakened them
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#wanna dye my locs again but idk what colour#since starting my locs I’ve dyed them#ginger#blonde#black with blonde bits in between#black#brown#blonde again#ginger again#idk what to do next#with one of those natural dyes tho#the last time I bleached them really weakened them#so I’m not using any harsher products from now own#I don’t think I can do like green or blue it’s one of those things where I like the colours on other people but wouldn’t want it on myself#could try burgundy but I feel like it’s gonna remind me of 17-19 year old me 😬 (I had burgundy braids etc a lot back then)#I don’t wanna be reminded of that time#might go back to black#or medium-dark brown
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Drop your hair treatment!! Please and thank you!!
Baby, I'm Brazilian, so I use this Brazilian brand, called bio extratus and it's quite pricy here, so I have no idea how that would even work internationally, but I use this professional line that has shampoo, conditioner, leave in and a treatment mask. It's a protein boost line meant for weakened hair. The main ingredients for them are keratin and pepper which sound weird, but this legit SAVED my hair because I melted it with bleach back in 2021 and that forced me to cut it chin length a few times (rip my bad extension era), and now my hair is a significant length in comparison, with no more breakage layering lol, half of it is still bleached and legit that thing is a miracle worker. But I do the shampoo, conditioner and leave in every time I wash my hair, right now is every other day because my hair is really oily, and the mask every Saturday, the mask is protein boost and you could just do it once every 2 weeks but since I'm dealing with bleached hair, I rather do it weekly. I use a grape seed oil every time I need to put my hair up, honestly just because it's lightweight enough to not weight it down, and I got traumatized back when my hair was snapping every time I did anything with it but I used to use coconut oil and had the same effect. I also use rosemary water on the roots every day. I don't know if that thing is a placebo or not with the growth thing but legit that thing changed my routine because it takes longer for my hair to start looking greasy and that alone is a win, but you need to keep it in the fridge or else it will go bad. I also cut off most of the heat use, mostly because I did melt my hair and it is pin straight anyway but also because I broke my straightener and never bought a new one lol. Also satin pillowcases. That was a game changer for me. Something else I used to do when my hair was shorter and I was trying to keep as much of it as I could in my head was drenching it in whatever hair oil I had at the time, braid it, go to sleep, wash my hair in the morning. That was great when my hair was feeling dry or even a little bit more elastic. I also do an acid wash every time I bleach my roots, that one is just 1 part apple vinegar 3 parts filtered water and drench my hair in it. You'll have to blowdry it after or else you will smell like vinegar but it's great to not get that rough post bleach feel on your hair. Honestly, it took me most of last year to work the products out, but I'm happy with the results I have now. Oh, and heat protectant every time I do use heat.
#and since its a professional brand i can buy it as a kit and as a 1kg pots so im buying it once a year so thats great#i have a ROUTINE lol#but honestly good quality shampoo and conditioner is what matters most#and once you learn the panic of feeling chunks of your hair come out in your hands#youre like maybe i should pay a bit more for shampoo#but i could talk about hair for days mslakpakapakapakapa#with how much a researched trying not to have to shave my head#and because i had some episode where i would take things out in my hair and it got to the point where i couldn't just pray for the best#but yeah i take a lot of care of my hair#i think you have to if you have vivid colors in it#i really need a tag for asks#anon 😌
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Hey umm so in light of NEVER having scene or read about a character with eczema (or skin problems at all for that matter) I'm going to go over how to write and draw eczema without being rude and making people self conscious about it.
Some general stuff:
This shit is PAINFUL! Like EXTREMELY PAINFUL sometimes
It may look red and swollen
It may look very dry and flaky
On darker skinned people it's not always going to look bright red. It's going to be patches of darker skin with more red undertones
It may look very rough skin and slab covered.
It can cause immense fatigue
It can make mobility hard
It may look bad but feel like nothing
It may look fine but feel painful
We can't stop itching. It's literally painful to not itch. It makes my thrash around if I can't itch
I have spent night being exhausted but unable to sleep bc of eczema and how painful it is
A flare up is caused by literally anything and often times we don't know the cause
It's usually on the back of the knees or the insides of the arms but can appear anywhere. Other popular spots invlude the neck, face, hands, and wrists
It causes hyper pigmentation but it's mostly notice in the summer or after summer since you're tan and the patch goes away, leaving untanned skin and the place where the patch was drained of a bit of color anyways
Nearly everyone who's had it has it on the inside of their arms and has had it there forever. I have hyper pigmentation there however it's in a patchy way. A lot of people have paler inside arms but mine isn't a smooth transition of color.
Hyper pigmentation does happen and it's not always permeant. It can just last until the summer tan is gone or it can take literal months to even years to fade which is what's happening to my arms at the moment
It will come in patches at random places at random times though usually stays forever on places like the inside of arms and legs
If it's on the inside of one arm then it's going to show up on the inside of the other arm. Same goes for the back of the knees however there might be one side that's typically worse then the other. It can switch back and forth but unless you're on medication one side will be noticslly worse then the other though both will not be looking good
It can stay one place for a few years and go away but then show up in a new place and stay there for years.
Medication and shots are a thing that we use
Steroid creams and prescription lotion are also things we use
No one is using scented bath and body works lotion. Scented stuff irritates it and makes it burn. Take your Bath and Body Works and leave.
I'm not just going to pick up any lotion or cream at the store either. I'm doing careful research on what will work best, finding what works best for me, and sticking with it
A lot of things will make it burn such as lotions, perfumes, and even water
A lot of people wear jackets and hoddies to cover it up
I also wear a special hoodie for flare ups bc the material feels nicest and I don't want to ruin my other clothes with all the lotions and stuff
Certain materials are itchy and irritating. (Looking at you wool I hate your guts) while others are soothing and comfortable (cotton and silk and bamboo fabric are life savors)
Random and obscure allergies that cause it to flare up
When a patch clears up and goes from rough to soft I will continue to touch it bc I'm excited and I forgot what it feels like to have my skin like that. I once had it on my eyelids and cheeks and once it cleared up I cried and wouldn't stop touching my face bc it didn't hurt to make facial expressions and it felt so nice to have my skin back
Speaking of which it can and will show up on your eyelids and make them swell up
It can get into your brows and you'll lose hair in your brows bc of it
I don't know one person with eczema who hasn't felt self conscious about it or try to hide it even if it's nothing to be ashamed for
Doctors will take one look at people with eczema (especially those who aren't skinny white boys) and pass it off as a rash. Dermatologists do this and actually allergists have been more helpful with clearing up my skin in my personal experience
You will get super greasy hair from all the lotion. If it's on the neck or face your hair will catch in the lotion and make it greasy. It doesn't help that it can be painful to shower and stuff with eczema
Baths >>>> showers. Especially since there's a lot of stuff people will soak in to help. Salt baths and bleach baths are a thing to help kill bacteria and things like putting in mint leaves and that sort of stuff help cool and soothe it
Ironically most of the lotions I've been given I ended up being allergic to. This is something some other people I know experienced. Lavender is supposed to help but it just makes things worse for a lot of people I know ironically believe it or not
Also it's an AUTO IMMUNE DISEASE! It's going to weaken the immune system and make it easier to get sick. The real kicker is when you get sick you get more prone to infections and your skin will get infected and it's a downward and very painful spiral
Writing:
Have your character have a flare up. Have their skin go from fine to red and itchy and dry and maybe a little bloody
Scabs. We've got them. I have scars from scratching at scabs from eczema bc they're itchy. Your character most likely will too and probably did so as a child as well bc it's a scab vs a kid
Have them go to bed early bc theyre tired
It makes sense for them to go to doctors appointments specifically for their eczema and to have it done often. Look into things like having your characters go to get shots often or doing light therapy
Have them feel under the weather bc of it. Make them take a benadryl and clock out in a blanket with a material they like
Silk pillowcases are great for skin. So are bamboo materials. I know a lot of people who've invested in these including myself to make sleeping and drying off more comfortable. Chances are your character and their family have invested in them too and a lot of household materials will be like that or they will have their own special towels and bed sheets that need to be washed separately from everyone else and need to be washed at the right time so your character has towels and bed sheets
Give them allergies. They're probably allergic to something that causes it and usually it's some chemical like fragrance jn perfume or over processed foods too. A lot cleaning supplies make me flare up and dust is a big one too. Lavender and chamomile are ones which is very ironic based on how people tell us to use those to help
Coconut oil and stuff like she's butter. I guarantee you that your character has or will use it at some point to help with eczema. They're honestly life savers
Have them keep a jacket and some prescribed lotion with them. At night have them put on a bunch of different lotions and skin care stuff and probably even gloves or socks over their hands to help lock in moisture. However they will also probably rub these things against their skin to scratch
Write a character with clear looking skin but hyper pigmentation and taking shots to keep a flare up at bay. Dupixent is a shot a lot of people are using and it works wonders
Gloves when sleeping. Put on lotion and then gloves and have them go to bed and then be frustrated when they can't swipe on their phone.
It's okay to have them feel gross about it just don't make it happen often. After I put on all my lotions I feel super greasy and gross because of it
Have other characters hype them up despite their eczema. It's not a bad thing. It doesn't make us ugly. Stop acting like non perfect skin is a terrible thing. When I'm down or upset about it my friends will hype me up about it
However while I can go out without hiding my eczema and still feel good about it that doesn't mean that myself or any character you're writing with it won't wish that their skin wasn't clear. More so bc it hurts and is uncomfortable then anything.
Clothes made from cotton and silk and that stuff are good for every day clothes but also fancy stuff if need be
Speaking of clothes do not put them in a wool sweater that shit sucks and so do a lot of mixed fibers. There's special clothes that are made without seams or with special materials for people who have textural issues and I have gotten stuff from those places. Always keep a few long sleeves in my closet for my worst days and have a long sleeve from my favorite brand in nearly every color and pattern. Your character will probably do the same the second they find a piece of clothing that feels good on their skin. However eventually all the lotions will make the insides knit and the clothing will be stained darker if you use them for flare ups after putting in lotion
My mom has come home and dropped a pile of new shirts on my bed because they were from the brand that makes clothes that are safe for my skin and she got them in every color or style. Your character will have parents that will do the same. I don't know if it's a universal eczema experience but if your character has parents who are really concerned about it and arw very involved and caring then it makes sense for something like that to happen
Designated flare up shirts are a thing. I will put it on and wear it to bed or to school or anywhere
Give them a designated flare up shirt that they where for a while in a flare up. However also give them a hoodie they like bc trust me they're gonna wear a specific hoodie when there's a flare up
If you're going to have a random character point it out or ask questions, it's completely logical for your character to be annoyed about it. I know other people are just curious but when a bunch of people bombard you for something you would obviously know is there it's very tiring
Have them change clothes when they get home. It helps and I do it and so do other people. Don't want to being things from the outside into the household.
They aren't going to put on perfume for a fancy evening and chances are their friends won't either because that stuff irritates it so much even if we aren't the ones wearing it
It's okay to say that the skin was red and patchy. It's okay to say it cleared up
Don't say that the character looks like they have spots or scales or looks like a tomato or stuff like that. It's really rude and the amount of times I've been made fun of and told I have lizard skin is horrifying
It can look anything from a little bit of red and pink to being full on scabs and blood and puss all over ones arm or body part.
Let them itch and then have someone tell them stop itching. It's annoying but realistic. Points if your character immediately stops but tries to find some way to still itch or glares at the other person or says some remark back. Their parents are going to be the number one people to tell them to stop itching
Eczema is uncomfortable. Have them be uncomfortable sometimes because of it
You don't have to make the whole story about it but include little things like them itching or before bed putting on a bunch of lotion. Have them have a favorite outfit bc it feels best on their skin
Use words like: red, patchy, dry, burning, itchy, stiff, and swollen
Avoid things like: spots (for hyper pigmentation), any animal like description, comparison jokes to things like "oh they're as red as that sweater". Stop comparing our skin to objects and animals. It's not funny. This may be a personal thing but it's a huge let peeve if mine and one of the reasons I've always been self conscious about it
Please don't have people make rude comments about it or have random people ask a lot of questions I'm seriously begging you. If you do at least have then give some sort of come back or have the other character asking questions approach it in a more polite and sympathetic way. It's so annoying how many times people will walk up to me and point at my eczema and go "what happened to you?" Or even worse there have been people who think they're going to catch some disease from me. I've dropped my pencil and the person by it kicked it over to me instead of handing it to me bc they took one look at my skin and made a disgusted face. So as realistic as it is so have those things I'm really fucking annoyed by those types of comments and don't want them in my books unless there's a good comeback please and thank you
People are very mean about it and it's the source for the self consciousness so do your best to avoid that bc while I get the person saying it is going to be framed as mean or rude it's still :/
Drawing:
put down your base skin tone
Pick a red tone off of the base
Pick a lighter tone of of the base
Do the same with your shadow and highlight colors
Now you have your skin tone color palette
Draw on white patches and red patches to the proper base tones you used
Don't blend them out. They're distinctive
Just put them on the inside of arms or on fingers and face and neck and legs and wrists at random in blots of all shapes and sizes
Don't draw it as a pattern
Don't use a splatter brush
Feel free to draw on scabs and dark spots here and there
You don't need to draw it like scales or show how dry and flaky it can be if you're a really realistic or more detailed with your art style
Use references
Boom. Done.
It's literally just dry and red skin. We've all had that before. The only difference is it's wide spread. If you can draw skin then you can draw eczema on it
It's not hard.
As always do research! Ask questions! Just be nice and have fun with it! Eczema isn't a big deal but I can't tell you how much it would mean to me to see a character with eczema!
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BNHA chapter 290 reactions
Oh boy, just when I was saying that such a long arc was eroding my ability to hype myself...
Oh boy... I guess we finally got the answer to “Was that message for Rei or for the whole country?” and the answer is both. Dabi sent a direct message to his mom and we don’t know what he told her.
And since we have a big close-up on the flower “Enji” gave Rei without leaving a message, I am now wondering if it wasn’t a gift from Dabi.
Ah, the Todoroki pose of “I have no idea of what to feel.”
Also, I think we now have the confirmation that Dabi is a theater kid.
Okay, so first, it’s nice to have the confirmation that Izuku did make some damages.
What’s less nice is knowing that AFO can control Tomura to this extent. By accepting to become a guinea pig, he became AFO’s puppet and I am not sure of how long it will take before AFO erodes his will and takes full control of him.
Horikoshi, think of the fanfic writers. When you show cool attacks, explain stuff about them, please. Because of you, I will have to spend an hour trying to analyze three panels.
Oh, that’s a meme waiting to happen.
Endeavor when Nejire and Shouto fight Shigaraki: “RUN! HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU! RUN!”
Endeavor when Midoriya was fighting Shigaraki: “Welp, this might as well happen.”
I don’t know what’s the more terrifying, Gigantomachia channeling the Rogue Titan or AFO having fun with Forced Quirk Activation. Okay, probably the later.
There should really be a limit to how long those tentacles can get, thank you very much.
Bakugou is awake and if I was him, I would go straight back to sleep but no, not him.
Does... Does he still have a quirk, though? I would like to see some sparks flying. Just to be sure.
However, he is right in the sense that they need to kill Shigaraki now. If he manages to escape, they will have lost everything. That would mean that another cataclysm can happen at any time and society will collapse. I am not talking about the hero society. I am talking full Dawn of Quirks mess.
I do not want to witness what so many people with uncontrollable powers can do when they are scared.
I am going to believe that Machia assumes that the second “Master’s scent” also comes from Shigaraki because with all the smoke in the air, he didn’t notice Izuku and his multiple quirks who are right there.
Also, Izuku wasn’t using cough... all for one... cough several quirks when Gigantomachia arrived, don’t think I didn’t notice it.
I was robbed from my Little Lord moment!
Shigaraki, every bones of his broken and the only reason why he remained standing so long is probably because AFO was manipulating his strings: “Oh, do tell me about your problems. It’s not like I can go anywhere after I was INCINERATED THEN BEATEN HALF TO DEATH BY THE INCARNATION OF FERALNESS. But please, tell me how hard it was for you.”
The small green child with broken bones isn’t named Shouto, Endeavor.
More seriously, you see Endeavor’s hand on Midoriya’s back? He isn’t checking that he is alright, he is actually holding him back because he is scared he is going to yeet himself again at the villains and try to finish the job.
That’s why you never make promises on live television. Too many witnesses that will call you out later.
Shouto is so fucking done at this point. He just survived a decaying wave, he showed up only to see all the heroes and his friends half dead, he almost got slapped by Gigantomachia, this is NOT the day to keep messing with him, and here is this asshole, all happy during the worst time of Shouto’s life.
As for Dabi... This man is hilarious. Look at how happy he is. His audience is here, too weakened to kick his ass, and now is the time.
Also, you see the bottle he is shaking? That was in the pouch he has been wearing since his first appearance. He was ready from Day 1.
Now, the riddle for the ages, the thing that interests me far more than what happens one panel later: what the hell is this and how did it bleach his hair so fast?
What am I hearing? Oh yes, the sound of ALL THE DABI IS A TODOROKI BEING VALIDATED RIGHT NOW. CONGRATULATIONS, FUNKY LITTLE CONSPIRACY THEORISTS. MAY KNOWING THAT YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG MAKE YOU LIVE LONGER.
Whatever you’re thinking about Dabi, you have to admit that he knows how to use a narrative. He has been sitting on this for years, waiting for the right time to do the most damage, and here he is.
Let’s all appreciate this rare moment where Shouto and Enji have the same face of “What the hell is going on?”
But more importantly, let’s all appreciate Midoriya who was once again dragged into the Todoroki drama.
This has nothing to do with him, and yet, once again, a Todoroki appeared and felt the need to announce his entire tragic backstory in his vicinity. All those jokes about Todoroki never meeting Izuku because he would have coughed up his secret in the second were true.
Dabi looks so soft here and some part of me wants to believe that’s because he knew Rei would be watching.
And by that, I mean Dabi is a Momma boy.
I am bravely trying to keep a straight face as this guy is about to explain us why he killed 30 innocent people instead of his dad or some members of the Hero Commission.
I mean, Fuyumi managed not to snap despite many reasons, so really, there is no excuse.
More seriously, I hope that he won’t only reveal what Endeavor did. I want to know why he was considered dead. And I want to know if my theory about Touya being in the same HSPC program as Hawks is true, because there has to be a reason why he knows his real name.
Of course, for the last one, I can accept that Young Touya found a drawing of Endeavor and a young kid with red wings sent by a little fan through the Endeavor agency.
But I would much prefer to see more about the HPSC and how horrible it is.
The real victim of this chapter: Can’t-You-See-kun.
Look at how happy he is. I am pretty sure this is the best day of his life.
@pocketramblr is the one who realized that Horikoshi had to knock Dabi unconscious in Kamino because that man would have jumped on the occasion of screaming to the world who he really is, only to see society freak out.
There is 50% chance that AFO would have killed him for being more dramatic than him but, man, what a way to go.
*squints* Is that his hair becoming white due to the strain?
I am... actually not surprised by it. Dabi doesn’t know Shouto. And he isn’t Touya anymore.
The only thing Shouto is to him is Endeavor’s weapon to become number 1 and the child that stole his place and who made all his pain meaningless.
Endeavor: “Redemption arc?”
Dabi: “Hahaha NO. Step 1 of my plan where you get everything you want right before I make you choke on it.”
This is nothing short of breathtaking and once again, Horikoshi steals my breath away.
Make no mistake: Touya is dead. He died a long time ago. Only remains a rageful ghost hold together by hatred and staples. He will not hesitate to sacrifice anything to destroy Endeavor, be it himself, others, and even members of his family.
I have about zero regret for Endeavor but the rest of the Todoroki family? Dabi just took a sledgehammer to that and now, they will all have to live with the consequences.
Kudos to Dabi, though. He did what All for One didn’t manage to do. He wanted to ruin the number 1, to show that he was a liar and how pitiful he was. All for One failed to do so when he revealed All Might’s true form but Dabi executed that plan perfectly.
The other really good point about this is that no one will care about Izuku using multiple quirks. With how Dabi stole the show, Shigaraki will be lucky if people still talk about him.
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5 days of spooktober~ #5: opportunity
day #5: grim reaper jungkook x reader
word count: 1.8k
summ. would you give up freedom for the opportunity to live once more unhindered by illness? your answer was clear as you took the hand of the grim reaper.
warnings: smut, illness, death, dubcon themes, yandere themes, explicit language, violence, car accident, manipulation
a/n: HAPPY HALLOWEEN! oh my god, we’re finally at the last day and this feels surreal??? Did i actually finish a drabble thing or did i just finish a drabble thing?? EXCITING, NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE, SHOWSTOPPING. exhausted af (had a full on emotional breakdown yesterday so that was smth) so this story was very vavoom rushed. Thank you for celebrating spooktober with me, and see you next time with Lineage pt. 4.
Ah, so this was the end. The beeping of the machine next to you seemed to slow and slow, and you could only inhale in a shaky breath as your eyelids slipped closed, and you sunk into what you were sure was your death.
Your feet were bare, and the cold of the white ground sunk into your skin. You were in a white room, in which there was nothing but you and the hooded being across from you. It loomed, its presence dark like the deep color of its cloak, and you shivered as your eyes landed on the chain of skulls around its waist.
“Do you want to live?’’ the being asked you, its voice more human than you thought it would be.
You glanced back at your shoulder, and you saw a glimpse of yourself in that hospital bed, pale and barely breathing as your sobbing mother clung to your lifeless wrist. You felt tears prick at your eyes, and you tried to suck them back in with a shaky breath, but they refused to stop, and they were endlessly rolling over your cheeks in salty splashes of water.
“I…I don’t want to be sick anymore. I want to live! I’ll do anything,’’ you were pleading, your shoulders trembling as you crumpled,” Please, I died so young. I want another—I want…an-another chance to make my mom not worry and…and I want to be able to go outside and run and just…Please! I want to live!’’
The being asked you, its voice even slower as each word rolled out of its shadowy mouth.
“What would you do to live again? If those wishes were fulfilled…what would you do in exchange?’’
“Anything!’’ the word burst out of your mouth before you could stop yourself.
“Then become my bride. In exchange for a brief moment of life, you will remain by my side for eternity. You will watch as I take one life after another and remember that at one point, I had once given you life. Will you agree?”
You nodded your head fiercely. In that moment, desperation clouded your thoughts, and it was desperation that choked you with unmerciful hands.
~
Beep, beep, beep.
You woke up to the sound of your alarm blaring, and you blinked, surprised. Weren’t you…weren’t you supposed to be dead?
There was something heavy and warm wrapped around your stomach, and your head turned quickly as you made eye contact with a strange man in your bed. You let out a shrill scream and pushed yourself up quickly, nearly falling off the bed and taking the sheets down with you.
“Who are you?’’
The man was awake now, having pushed himself up to a seated position, and he looked confused as he looked at your clearly panicked face.
“Babe? Are you okay?’’ his voice was groggy from sleep, and you flinched at the look of confusion on his face.
“No! I’m not okay! Why are you calling me babe, and…What’s going on? I’m supposed to be d—,’’ your frantic voice cut off, and you let out a gasp as your hands flew to your mouth. Was this what that being had meant?
You forced a smile and rubbed your face with your hands.
“Sorry, I was…I had a really bad dream.”
His face furrowed, and your heart fluttered at how much of a puppy he looked like. He opened his arms and smiled gently,” Come here, babe. That dream must have been bad.”
You burrowed yourself in his arms and practically melted in his warmth. You had spent your life stuck in hospitals, switching from doctor to doctor, and you never had time or strength to go out and even look for romance in your life.
You froze when you felt his hand go underneath your pajama shirt, his palms slightly rough as he cupped one of your tits in his hand. You jolted, a soft muffled moan falling from your lips as he rolled a thumb over your nipple.
“Mmm…wait, I’m,” you shivered as his other hand slipped into your panties—you were painfully aware of the lack of pants you had on, especially since one of his fingers was already deeply pressed into your trembling walls. You had never even touched a guy’s hand before, but now you were about to fuck someone who was supposed to be your boyfriend. You tried to push him away, but you were already in his grasp, and his strength made it clear that he wasn’t letting you go.
“Sorry, babe; you’re just so pretty this morning. I wanna fuck your cute little pussy. Can I do that, baby?’’ There was no gentleness in his voice, and it seemed like he wasn’t quite asking you for your permission. You heard him shuffle to move his pants out of the way, and you could only let out a shocked moan as he pushed your panties to the side and hefted you up onto his lap. You flinched at the feeling of the hot, heavy heat underneath your bare pussy.
You were trembling as his cock pried open your pussy walls and you sunk onto it, inch by inch.
You shouldn’t have been feeling this good. It was your first time, but the body you had been reborn in didn’t care. It parted easily for his cock, and you could only keen needily, scratching at his clothed back with blunt nails, as he burrowed himself deep within you.
You couldn’t move. You stiffened, and your walls clamped down tightly, forcing his breath to come out as a hiss between his lips. He placed his hands around your hips and guided you up and down and up…Oh God, your moans were getting louder and breathier and your mind was spinning as he pounded into you.
Your toes curled, and you squeezed your eyes shut, your hands balling into fists as you peaked into a never been known before pleasure. You felt him cumming in you, and you could only twitch and let out heavy pants as you came down from your high.
You were still on his lap, with his cock buried deep in you, when you felt him shift his hips a little, forcing his cock against a place in your pussy that left your mind spinning once more.
“One more round?’’ his voice was breathless and roughened, and for a moment, as you meekly nod, your mind flashed images of the hooded figure standing across from you in that blank white room while your mother wept behind you, a world away.
~
You were on your first year in this new life when you finally could walk past the hospital you spent most of your previous life in. Those memories blurred, until all that remained was the scent of bleach and the sound of dripping fluid. New memories began to replace them.
You celebrated your first birthday here with your mom, and for once she did not weep as she held your hand. She smiled and sang, clapping her hands in joy as you blew out your candles with ease. Before, even exerting your lungs left you weakened, and so your mom would blow them out for you.
You celebrated your first chance at romance with your boyfriend. He had given you roses, pink and soft and so unlike the flowers that had once wilted by your bedside, and had held you like you were his anchor that night.
You celebrated your friends. Even though you had not known them well, you felt as if you clicked, like puzzle pieces. You laughed until your lungs hurt and saw the world through different eyes.
And it is as you were reflecting these new memories that your new chance of life was shattered. You heard brakes and the squealing of wheels and there was a blinding pain as your body was thrown against the pavement.
You caught sight of that hospital and made eye contact with a girl staring at you from the window, and when you blinked your eyes, you were back in that white room again with that hooded figure across from you.
“When you meant brief,’’ your laugh was bitter, and your voice echoed in the room,” you meant brief. Did you have to end my life like this? Could I not have passed away at 90 with three grandchildren and the satisfaction of a long life?’’
The hooded figure reached its arm up, the chain of skulls clinking together, and you raised an eyebrow at how human its flesh looked like. You watched, your breath suddenly caught in your throat, as it pushed the hood over its head and revealed its face.
“Kook?’’
The face of your boyfriend was across from you.
“We had a contract, and a deal’s a deal. You had a brief moment of happiness that not many are allowed, and in exchange…you remember our deal, don’t you?’’ Your boyfriend stretched out a hand…Was he even your boyfriend now?
You sucked in a breath of disbelief and shook your head. You glimpsed back at the sight of your past life; the new life that you thought you could live had been taken so quickly, and it ended with a bloodied you against the street.
“No more deals, I suppose, Kook,’’ your voice was acrid,” Or can I even call you that anymore?’’
You saw the being’s lips twitch up in a smile, and your heart dropped at the resemblance the smile had with Jungkook. Well, you suppose the being was Jungkook, just like Jungkook was the being.
“Call me that as you may. It is of my own pleasure that you view at me so favorably, my wife,” the being spoke.
You had imagined him calling you his wife once, when you were a human and you thought he was human. He would tenderly hold you, stroke your cheek, and whisper of the affection he held for you. But now, there was no Jungkook that you could find in the callous eyes of a being who could only take lives.
You stepped forward and took his hand. The glimpses of your past life faded away, all except for one.
It would take you many, many years and many millions of souls later to realize that there was a Jungkook that loved you left in the eyes of the being, but that Jungkook had been distorted and decayed by the despair that came with life’s end until all was left was an unwavering dark callousness.
The Jungkook that was left would love you, but that love was what had confined you by his side, forcing you to watch as an eternity slipped through your dead fingertips.
#yandere bts#yandere#bts smut#jungkook x reader#yandere jungkook#bts#bts x reader#bts jungkook#bts fic#yandere fic#yandere smut#yandere lemon#jungkook smut#sis said see you next year...or not
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Chapter One (x)
“Lower your swords,” Queen Eloana commanded, her hair shining a glossy onyx in the sun as she sank onto one knee. The raw emotion pouring out of her seeped into the temple floors of the Chamber of Nyktos, bitter and hot, tasting of anguish and a helpless sort of anger. It stretched out toward me, needling my skin and brushing against this…primal thing inside me. “And bow before the…before the last descendent of the most ancient ones. She who carries the blood of the King of Gods within her. Bow before your new Queen.”
The blood of the King of Gods? Your new Queen? None of that made sense. Not her words or when she had removed her crown.
A too-thin breath scorched my throat as I looked at the man standing beside the Queen of Atlantia. The crown was still upon the King’s golden-haired head, but the bones had remained a bleached white. Nothing like the gleaming, gilded one the Queen had placed at the feet of the statue of Nyktos. My gaze skipped over the terrible, broken things scattered about the once pristine, white floors. I’d done that to them, adding their blood to what had fallen from the sky, filling the thin fissures in the marble. I didn’t look at that or anyone else—every part of my being focused on him.
He remained on one knee, staring up at me from between the vee of the swords he’d crossed over his chest. His damp hair, blue-black in the Atlantian sunlight, curled against the sandy-hued skin of his forehead. Red streaked those high, angular cheekbones, the proud curve of his jaw, and ran down lips that had once shattered my heart. Lips that had pieced those broken shards back together with the truth. Bright, golden eyes locked with mine, and even bowed before me, so motionless I wasn’t sure he breathed, he still reminded me of one of the wild and strikingly beautiful cave cats I’d once seen caged in Queen Ileana’s palace as a child.
He had been many things to me. A stranger in a dimly lit room who’d been my first kiss. A guard who had sworn to lay down his life for mine. A friend who had looked beyond the veil of the Maiden to truly see me underneath, who’d handed me a sword to protect myself instead of forcing me into a gilded cage. A legend cloaked in darkness and nightmares that had plotted to betray me. A Prince of a kingdom believed to have been lost to time and war, who had suffered unimaginable horrors and yet managed to find the pieces of who he used to be. A brother who would do anything, commit any deed to save his family. His people. A man who bared his soul and stripped open his heart to me—and only me.
My first.
My guard.
My friend.
My betrayer.
My partner.
My husband.
My heartmate.
My everything.
Casteel Da’Neer bowed before me and stared up at me as if I were the only person in the entire kingdom. I didn’t need to concentrate like before to know what he was feeling. Everything he felt was wide-open to me. His emotions were a kaleidoscope of ever-shifting tastes—cool and tart, heavy and spicy, and sweet like chocolate-dipped berries. Those unyieldingly firm and unrelentingly tender lips parted, revealing just the hint of sharp fangs.
“My Queen,” he breathed, and those two smoky words soothed my skin. The lilt of his voice quelled the ancient thing inside me that wanted to take the anger and the fear radiating from all the others and twist it, turn it back, truly give them something to fear, and add to the shattered things thrown about the floor. One side of his lips curled up, and a deep dimple appeared in his right cheek.
Dizzy with relief at the sight of that infuriatingly stupid—and adorable—dimple, my entire body shuddered. I feared that when he saw what I’d done, he’d be afraid. And I couldn’t blame him for that. What I’d done should terrify anyone, but not Casteel. The heat that turned his eyes the color of warmed honey told me that fear was very much the furthest thing from his mind. Which was also a little disturbing. But he was the Dark One, whether he liked being called that or not.
Some of the shock faded, and the pounding adrenaline eased. And when it left, I realized I hurt. My shoulder and the side of my head throbbed. The left side of my face felt puffy, and that had nothing to do with the old scars there. A dull ache pulsed in my legs and arms, and my body felt funny, as if my knees were weakening. I swayed in the warm, salty breeze—
Casteel rose quickly, and I shouldn’t have been surprised by how fast he moved, but I still was. In a heartbeat, he’d gone from kneeling to standing, a foot closer to me, and several things happened at once.
The men and women behind Casteel’s parents, the ones wearing the same white tunics and loose pants of those lying on the floor, also moved. Light reflected off the golden armbands adorning their biceps as they lifted their swords, shifting closer to Casteel’s parents, protecting them. Some reached for crossbows strapped to their backs. They had to be guards of some sort.
A sudden growl of warning came from the largest wolven I’d ever seen. Kieran and Vonetta’s father stood to my right. Jasper had officiated the marriage between Casteel and me in Spessa’s End. He’d been there when Nyktos showed his approval by briefly turning day to night. But now, the steel-hued wolven’s lips peeled back, baring teeth that could tear through flesh and break bone. He was loyal to Casteel, and yet instinct told me that it wasn’t just the guards he warned.
Another snarl came from my left. In the shadows of the blood tree that had sprouted from where my blood had fallen and grown to a massive height within seconds, a fawn-colored wolven crept into my line of sight, head dipped low, and wintery blue eyes iridescent. Kieran. He stared down Casteel. I didn’t understand why either of them would behave this way toward the Prince, but especially Kieran. He had been bonded to Casteel from birth, meant to obey and protect him at all costs. But he was more than a bonded wolven to Casteel. They were brothers, if not by blood then by friendship, and I knew they loved each other.
Right now, nothing about the way Kieran’s ears were pinned back was loving.
Unease skipped its way through me as Kieran sank down, the sleek muscles of his legs tensing as he prepared to attack…Casteel.
My stomach plummeted. This wasn’t right. None of this was right. “No,” I rasped, my voice hoarse and barely recognizable, even to my ears.
Kieran didn’t appear to hear me or care. If he had been acting normally, I would’ve just assumed he was attempting to ignore me, but this was different. He was different. His eyes were brighter than I ever remembered seeing, and they weren’t right because they…they weren’t just blue now. His pupils glowed silvery-white, an aura that seeped out in wispy tendrils across the blue. My head jerked to Jasper. His eyes had changed, too. I’d seen that strange light before. It had been what my skin had done when I healed Beckett’s broken legs—the same silvery glow that had radiated from me minutes earlier.
Icy bursts of surprise raced through Casteel as he eyed the wolven, and then I felt…relief radiate from him.
“You all knew.” Casteel’s voice filled with awe, something no one standing behind him felt. Even the easy grin was absent from the auburn-haired Atlantian. Emil looked at us with wide eyes, broadcasting a healthy dose of fear, as did Naill, who had always appeared utterly unfazed by everything—even when he’d been outnumbered in battle.
Casteel slowly sheathed his swords at his sides. Hands empty, he kept them down. “You all knew something was happening to her. That’s why….” He trailed off, his jaw hardening.
Several of the guards moved to the front of the King and Queen, surrounding them fully—
A shock of white fur shot forward. Delano tucked his tail back as he pawed at the marble. He lifted his head and howled. The eerie yet beautiful sound raised the tiny hairs all over my body.
Off in the distance, the faint sounds of yips and barks answered, growing louder with each second. The leaves on the tall, cone-shaped trees separating the temple from Saion’s Cove trembled as a rolling rumble echoed from the ground below. Blue-and-yellow-winged birds took flight from the trees, scattering to the sky.
“Godsdamn.” Emil turned to the temple steps. He reached for the swords at his sides. “They’re summoning the whole damn city.”
“It’s her.” The deep scar slicing across the older wolven’s forehead stood out starkly. Potent disbelief rolled off Alastir as he stood just outside the circle of guards who’d formed around Casteel’s parents.
“It is not her,” Casteel shot back.
“But it is,” King Valyn confirmed as he stared at me from a face that Casteel’s would one day become. “They’re responding to her. That’s why the ones on the road with us shifted without warning. She called them to her.”
“I…I didn’t call anyone,” I told Casteel, voice cracking.
“I know.” Casteel’s tone softened as his eyes locked with mine.
“But she did,” his mother insisted. “You might not realize it, but you did summon them.”
My eyes darted to her, and I felt my chest wrench. She was everything I’d imagined Casteel’s mother to be. Stunning. Regal. Powerful. Calm now, even as she remained on one knee, even when she had first seen me and demanded of her son—What have you’ve done? What have you brought back? I flinched, fearing those words would stay with me long after today.
Casteel’s features sharpened as golden eyes swept over my face. “If the idiots behind me actually laid down their swords instead of lifting them against my wife, we wouldn’t have an entire colony of wolven about to descend on us,” he bit out. “They are only reacting to the threat.”
“You’re right,” his father agreed as he gently guided his wife to her feet. Blood soaked the knee and the hem of her lilac gown. “But ask yourself why your bonded wolven is guarding someone other than you.”
“I really could care less at the moment,” Casteel responded as the sound of hundreds—if not more—of paws pounding the earth grew even closer. He couldn’t be serious. He had to care, because that was a damn good question.
“You need to care,” his mother cautioned, a thin quiver in her otherwise steady voice. “The bonds have broken.”
The bonds? Hands trembling, my wide eyes shot to the temple steps, to where Emil slowly backed away. Naill had his swords in his hands now.
“She’s right,” Alastir uttered, the skin around his mouth appearing even whiter. “I can… I can feel it—the Primal notam. Her mark. Good gods.” His voice trembled as he stumbled back, nearly stepping on the crown. “They’ve all broken.”
I had no idea what a notam was, but through the confusion and the blossoming panic, there was something odd about what Alastir had stated. If it was true, then why wasn’t he in his wolven form? Was it because he’d already broken his wolven bond with the former King of Atlantia all those years ago?
“Look at their eyes,” the Queen ordered softly, pointing out what I’d seen. “I know you don’t understand. There are things you never needed to learn, Hawke.” Her voice cracked then, thickened at the use of his nickname—a name I’d once believed to be nothing more than a lie. “But what you need to know now is that they no longer serve the Elemental bloodline. You are not safe. Please,” she begged. “Please. Listen to me, Hawke.”
“How?” I croaked. “How could the bond break?”
“That doesn’t matter right now.” The amber of Casteel’s eyes was nearly luminous. “You’re bleeding,” he said as if that were the most important issue at hand.
But it wasn’t. “How?” I repeated.
“It’s what you are.” Eloana’s left hand balled into the skirt of her gown. “You have the blood of a god in you—”
“I’m mortal,” I told her.
A thick lock of dark hair tumbled from her knot as she shook her head. “Yes, you are mortal, but you are descended from a deity—the children of the gods. All it takes is a drop of god’s blood—” She swallowed thickly. “You may have more than just a drop, but what is in your blood, what is in you, supersedes any oath the wolven have taken.”
I remembered then what Kieran had told me in New Haven about the wolven. The gods had given the once-wild kiyou wolves mortal form to serve as guides and protectors to the children of the gods—the deities. Something else Kieran had shared then explained the Queen’s reaction.
My gaze shot to the crown lying near Nyktos’ feet. A drop of deity blood usurped any claim to the Atlantian throne.
Oh, gods, there was a good chance I really might pass out. And how embarrassing would that be?
Eloana’s gaze shifted to her son’s rigid back. “You go near her? Right now? They will see you as a threat to her. They will rip you apart.”
My heart lurched to a panicked stop. Casteel looked as if he might do just that. Behind me, one of the smaller wolven lurched forward, barking and snapping at the air.
Every muscle in my body tensed. “Casteel—”
“It’s okay.” Casteel’s eyes never left mine. “No one is going to harm Poppy. I will not allow that.” His chest rose with a deep, heavy breath. “And you know that, right?”
I nodded as each breath came too fast, too shallowly. It was the only thing I understood at the moment.
“Everything’s all right. They’re just protecting you.” Casteel smiled for me then, but it was tense and tight. He looked to my left, at Kieran. “I don’t know everything that is going on right now, but you—all of you—want to keep her safe. And I’m all about that. You know I would never hurt her. I would tear out my own heart before I did that. She’s injured. I need to make sure she’s okay, and nothing is going to stop me from doing that.” He didn’t blink as he held Kieran’s stare, as the rolling thunder of the other wolven reached the temple steps. “Not even you. Any of you. I will destroy every single one of you who stands between her and me.”
Kieran’s growl deepened, and an emotion I’d never felt from him before poured into me. It was like anger, but older. And it felt like that buzz in my blood had. Ancient. Primal.
And in an instant, I could see it all playing out in my mind as if it were happening before me. Kieran would attack. Or maybe it would be Jasper. I’d seen what kind of damage a wolven could inflict, but Casteel wouldn’t go down easily. He would do just as he’d promised. He’d tear through all that stood between him and me. Wolven would die, and if he harmed Kieran—if he did worse than that, the wolven’s blood wouldn’t just be on Casteel’s hands. It would mark his soul till the day he died.
A wave of wolven crested the temple’s stairs, both small and large, in so many different colors. Their arrival brought terrifying knowledge. Casteel was incredibly strong and unbelievably fast. He would take down many. But he would fall with them.
He would die.
Casteel would die because of me—because I called to these wolven and didn’t know how to make it stop. My heart thumped erratically. A wolven near the steps stalked Emil as he continued backing up. Another tracked Naill as he spoke softly to the wolven, attempting to reason with the creature. The others had zeroed in on the guards surrounding the King and Queen, and a few…. Oh, gods, several of them crept up behind Casteel. This had slipped into chaos, the wolven beyond control of any of them…
I sucked in a sharp breath as my mind raced, breaking free of the pain and turbulence. Something had happened within me to make that drop of god’s blood break the bonds. I superseded their previous oaths, and that had…it had to mean that they now obeyed me.
“Stop,” I ordered as Kieran snapped at Casteel, whose own lips were now peeled back. ��Kieran! Stop! You will not hurt Casteel.” My voice rose as a soft hum returned to my blood. “All of you will stop. Now! None of you will attack.”
It was like a switch had been thrown in the wolven’s minds. One second they were all poised to attack, and then they were sinking onto their bellies, lowering their heads between their front paws. I could still feel their anger, the old power, but it had lessened already, was fading in steady waves.
Emil lowered his sword. “That…that was timely. Thank you for that.”
A ragged breath left me as a tremor traveled up and down my arms. I almost couldn’t believe it’d worked as I scanned the temple, seeing all the wolven lying down. My entire being wanted to rebel against further confirmation of what the Queen had claimed, but gods, there was only so much I could deny. Throat dry, I looked at Casteel.
He stared at me, his eyes wide once more. I couldn’t breathe enough. My heart wouldn’t slow enough for me to make sense of what he was feeling.
“He will not hurt me. You all know that,” I said, my voice shaking as I looked at Jasper and then Kieran. “You told me that he was the only person in both kingdoms that I was safe with. That hasn’t changed.”
Kieran’s ears twitched, and then he rose, backing up. He turned, nudging my hand with his nose.
“Thank you,” I whispered, briefly closing my eyes.
“Just so you know,” Casteel murmured, thick lashes lowered halfway, “what you just did? Said? It has me feeling all kinds of wildly inappropriate things at the moment.”
A weak, shaky laugh left me. “There’s something so wrong with you.”
“I know.” The left side of his lips curved, and his dimple appeared. “But you love that about me.”
I did. Gods, I really did.
Jasper shook out his fur as his large head swung from me to Casteel. He turned sideways, making a rough, huffing sound as he did. The other wolven moved then, coming out from behind the blood tree. I watched them trot past me—past Casteel and the others—ears perked and tails wagging as they joined the wolven descending the steps and left the temple. Only Jasper, his son, and Delano remained, and the feeling of chaotic tension lifted.
A thick lock of dark hair fell over Casteel’s forehead. “You were glowing silver again. When you ordered the wolven to stop,” he told me. “Not a lot, not like before, but you looked like spun moonlight.”
Had I been? I glanced down at my hands. They looked normal. “I…I don’t know what’s happening,” I whispered, my legs shaking. “I don’t know what’s going on.” I lifted my eyes to his and watched him take a step forward, and then another. There were no snarls of warning. Nothing. My throat started to burn. I could feel it—tears creeping into my eyes. I couldn’t cry. I wouldn’t. Everything had already turned into enough of a mess without me sobbing hysterically. But I was so tired. I hurt, and it went beyond the physical.
When I first stepped into this temple and looked out over the clear waters of the Seas of Saion, I’d felt like I was home. And I knew things would be hard. Proving our union was real wouldn’t be nearly as difficult as gaining the acceptance of Casteel’s parents and that of his kingdom. We still needed to find his brother, Prince Malik. And mine. We had to deal with the Ascended Queen and King. Nothing about our future would be easy, but I had hope.
Now, I felt foolish. So naïve. The older wolven in Spessa’s End, the one I’d helped heal after the battle, had warned me about the people of Atlantia. They did not choose you. And I now doubted they ever would.
I drew in a stuttering breath and whispered, “I didn’t want any of this.”
Tension bracketed Casteel’s mouth. “I know.” His voice was rough, but his touch was gentle as he placed his palm over the cheek that didn’t feel swollen. He lowered his forehead to mine, and the shock of awareness his flesh against mine brought was there, rippling through me as he slid his hand into the tangled mess of my hair. “I know, Princess,” he whispered, and I squeezed my eyes shut against a stronger rush of tears. “It’s okay. It will all be okay. I promise you that.”
I nodded, even though I knew it wasn’t something he could guarantee. Not anymore. I forced myself to swallow the knot of emotion that rose.
Casteel kissed my blood-streaked brow and then lifted his head. “Emil? Can you retrieve clothing from Delano’s and Kieran’s horses so they can shift and not scar anyone?”
“I’ll be more than happy to do that,” the Atlantian answered.
I almost laughed. “I think their nakedness will be the least scarring thing to happen today.”
Casteel said nothing as he touched my cheek again, gently tilting my head to the side. His gaze then dropped to several of the rocks still littering the ground at my feet. A muscle popped along his jaw. His eyes lifted to mine, and I saw his pupils were dilated, only a thin strip of amber visible. “They tried to stone you?”
I heard a soft gasp I thought had come from his mother, but I didn’t look. I didn’t want to see their faces. I didn’t want to know what they felt right now. “They accused me of working with the Ascended, and they called me a Soul Eater. I told them I wasn’t. I tried to talk to them.” Words spilled out in a rush as I lifted my hands to touch him, but I stopped. I didn’t know what my touch would do. Hell, I didn’t even know what I would do without touching someone. “I tried to reason with them, but they started throwing stones. I told them to stop. I said it was enough, and…I don’t know what I did—” I started to look over his shoulder, but Casteel seemed to know what it was I searched for. He stopped me. “I didn’t mean to kill them.”
“You were defending yourself.” His pupils constricted as he caught my stare. “You did what you had to do. You were defending yourself—”
“But I didn’t touch them, Casteel,” I whispered. “It was like in Spessa’s End, during the battle. Remember the soldiers who surrounded us? When they fell, I felt something in me. I felt that again here. It was like something inside me knew what to do. I took their anger and I—I did exactly what a Soul Eater would do. I took it from them and then gave it back.”
“You are not a Soul Eater,” Queen Eloana said from somewhere not too far away. “The moment the eather in your blood became visible, those who attacked you should’ve known exactly what you were. What you are.”
“Eather?”
“It’s what some would call magic,” Casteel answered, shifting his stance as if he were blocking his mother from me. “You’ve seen it before.”
“The mist?”
He nodded. “It’s the essence of the gods, what’s in their blood, what gives them their abilities and the power to create all that they have. No one really calls it that anymore, not since the gods went to sleep, and the deities died off.” His eyes searched mine. “I should have known. Gods, I should’ve seen it…”
“You can say that now,” his mother spoke. “But why would you have even thought that this would be a possibility? No one would’ve expected this.”
“Except for you,” Casteel said. And he was right. She’d known, without a doubt. And, granted, I had been glowing upon her arrival, but she’d known with unquestioned certainty.
“I can explain,” she said as Emil appeared, carrying two saddlebags. He gave all of us a wide berth as he dropped them near Jasper and then backed away.
“Apparently, a lot needs to be explained,” Casteel remarked coolly. “But it will have to wait.” His gaze touched on my left cheek, and that muscle throbbed along his jaw again. “I need to get you somewhere safe where I can…. Where I can take care of you.”
“You can take her to your old rooms at my place,” Jasper announced, startling me. I hadn’t even heard him shift. I started to look over at him but saw skin as he reached for the saddlebag.
“That will do.” Casteel took what appeared to be a pair of breeches from Jasper. “Thank you.”
“Will it be safe for you there?” I asked, and a wry grin tugged at Casteel’s lips.
“He’ll be safe there,” Kieran answered.
So shocked by the sound of Kieran’s voice, I turned. And didn’t stop. There was a whole lot of tawny skin on display, but he stood there like he wasn’t naked in front of all who remained. For once, I really had no problem ignoring the fact that he was nude. I looked at his eyes. They were normal—a vivid, striking blue without the silvery-white aura. “You were going to attack Casteel.”
Kieran nodded as he took the pants from Casteel.
“He most definitely was,” Casteel confirmed.
I looked back at my husband. “And you threatened to destroy him.”
The dimple in his left cheek appeared again. “I did.”
“Why are you smiling? That isn’t something that should make you smile.” I stared at him, stupid tears burning my eyes. I didn’t care that we had an audience. “That can never happen again. Do you hear me?” I twisted to Kieran, who arched a brow as he pulled his breeches up over his lean hips. “Do you both hear me? I won’t allow it. I won’t—”
“Shh.” Casteel’s light touch to my cheek drew my gaze back to his as he stepped into me. He was close enough that his chest brushed mine with each breath. “It won’t happen again, Poppy.” His thumb quickly swiped under my left eye. “Right?”
“Right.” Kieran cleared his throat. “I don’t…” He fell quiet.
His father didn’t. “As long as the Prince doesn’t give any of us a reason to behave differently, we will protect him as fiercely as we will protect you.”
We. As in the entirety of the wolven race. That’s what Alastir had meant when he’d said that all the bonds had broken. I had a lot of questions, but I plopped my head on Casteel’s chest. It didn’t feel that great, sending a flare of pain across my head. I didn’t care because when I inhaled, all I smelled was lush spice and pine. Casteel carefully folded an arm around my upper back, and I thought… I thought I felt him shudder against me.
“Wait,” Kieran said. “Where is Beckett? He was with you when you walked off.”
Casteel drew back slightly. “That’s right. He offered to show you the temple.” His eyes narrowed as he stared down at me. “He led you here.”
A wave of goosebumps pimpled my skin. Beckett. Pressure clamped down on my chest, squeezing tightly as I thought of the young wolven who’d spent the vast majority of the trip here chasing butterflies. I still couldn’t believe that he had led me here, knowing what awaited. But I remembered the bitter taste of his fear that day in Spessa’s End. He’d been terrified of me.
Or had he been terrified of something else?
His emotions had been all over the place. He’d gone from being normal around me, happy and grinning, to suddenly afraid and anxious, as he had been when he brought me up here.
“He disappeared before the others showed up,” I told Casteel. “I don’t know where he went.”
“Find Beckett,” he ordered, and Delano, still in his wolven form, tilted his head. “Naill? Emil? Go with him. Make sure Beckett is brought to me alive.”
Both Atlantians nodded and bowed. Nothing about Casteel’s tone suggested that the alive part was a good thing. “He’s just a kid.” I watched Delano rush off, quickly disappearing with Naill and Emil. “He was scared. And now that I think about it—”
“Poppy.” Casteel placed the tips of his fingers against my cheek, just below a spot that ached. He dipped his head, brushing his lips over the cut. “I have two things to say. If Beckett had anything to do with this, I don’t care what or who he is, and I sure as fuck don’t care about what he was feeling.” His voice rose until all who remained at the temple could hear him, including his parents.
“A move against my wife is a proclamation of war against me. Their fate is already sealed. And, secondly?” He lowered his head even farther. This time, his lips brushed over mine in a featherlight kiss. I could barely feel it, but it somehow still managed to twist my insides into knots. He then lifted his head, and I saw it in his features—the stark stillness of a predator locking onto its prey. I’d seen it before, right before he’d torn out Landell’s heart back in New Haven.
Casteel turned his head to the side, looking at the only wolven who remained, now standing on two legs. “You.”
#casteel da'neer#hawke flynn#poppy balfour#penellaphe balfour#cas x poppy#hawke x poppy#the crown of gilded bones#blood and ash series#jennifer l armentrout#TCOGB
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When the Weight Comes Down - 8 - End
Warnings: non-consent sex (series); intercourse, oral
This is dark! (biker) Steve and explicit. 18+ only.
Series Synopsis: Your father’s a drunk, your mother a recluse, and you’re just another small town girl in Birch.
Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown
Note: It was fun sharing this series with you guys. As for the next week, I don’t have anything done, just a bunch of bits and pieces I need to put together for other series and possible one shots. So, I’ll take Monday off at least and figure out what the hell I’m doing.
Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)
I really hope you enjoy. 💋
<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!
Chapter Eight: It’s a Good Life If You Don’t Weaken
And find somewhere to go
Go somewhere we're needed
Find somewhere to grow
Grow somewhere we're needed
💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
The main floor had a large kitchen and a dining room and a second room on the other side of the entryway. The entire place seemed untouched and barely lived in. Curious. And it was much nicer than your parents’ house, but most were.
Upstairs there were several more rooms along with a couple bathrooms and closets. You could guess that it was a recently renovated farmhouse, the skeleton built for a large family who had once worked the land. It seemed much too big for just Steve. And you.
That thought was still sinking in. You didn’t believe Steve. Truly didn’t. This was all just a ploy that you weren’t in on. It felt like everything he’d done was just another trick but you couldn’t guess how. You couldn’t complain either. He was generous despite his brusque demeanour and you hadn’t exactly suffered from his kindness.
He lingered behind you as you walked down the long hallway. You glanced at the framed pictures of trees and seascapes. Steve’s footsteps trailed you and he came up beside you to look at a painting of a barren winter forest.
“We can change the pictures, the curtains, the carpet…” He said. “I never did much. I just needed a place to sleep.”
“I’m not stupid,” You said suddenly, surprising even yourself. “I know what you want.”
“Well, doll, I haven’t exactly been subtle.” He scoffed. “So… tell me what I want?”
You hesitated. There was no way to say it without sounding silly.
“S-sex,” You forced out.
He smirked and reached to run his thumb down the frame of the picture. He slowly turned to you as he planted his hand on the wall. He loomed over you.
“Sex,” He repeated with a chuckle. “And what is it exactly I want from you? What we did last night? Or maybe I want to just bend you over…” He was amused at how you squirmed. “Or maybe I want it all.”
“And you would hurt me if I didn’t?” You asked.
“If? There is no if, doll,” He purred as he tickled your neck. “We know that you’re going to go in there…” He nodded to the door just feet away, “And and what you’re going to do. What we’re going to do.”
You stared at him and took a breath. You shivered and shook your head.
“You go in that room,” He lowered his voice as he played with the strap of your dress, “And wait for me.”
“Wait?” You shook your head.
“I’ll be a few minutes.” He squeezed your shoulder. “More than enough time for you to get ready for me.”
He kissed your forehead and his hand fell from your shoulder. He tilted his head as he watched you. Numbly, you turned and looked at the pale walls as you measured your steps to the door. You turned back as you grasped the knob and Steve stood as he had. He urged you on with a nod and you opened the door.
You stepped inside and shut the door with a click. You looked around the bedroom, the melding hues of the afternoon and evening streamed in between the dark curtains. The large bed stood between a set of weathered nightstands and looked cozy despite its dark blankets.
There were traces of Steve all around, unlike the rest of the house. A tee shirt hung over the lip of the hamper and a towel draped from the back of the armchair. You’d never really thought of how or where Steve lived. In your head, he existed in perpetual foreboding; floated in a nether until he could appear to rein over you.
You walked around the room and peeked out the window. It was at least twice the size of your bedroom and the scent of vinegar and bleach didn’t seep in under the door. You spun back and faced the room. You thought of those dumb harlequin novellas you’d read as a curious teen, the flowery language, and cheesy notions of romance. This wasn’t that.
You went to the bed and sat on the end. You watched the door. An impatience that you scorned. You should be dreading him not expecting him. You clasped your hands together and trembled. You were more nervous than you’d ever been.
The door opened and you looked up. Steve entered and let the door hang open carelessly. He held your eye as he neared and brought his hands up on either side of your face.
“Good girl,” He praised.
You shifted, uncomfortable, and his hands fell. They trailed down your arms and crawled over your waist. He lowered himself to his knees before you as his hands rested on your thighs. He peered up at you, his blue eyes darkened and dilated.
He pulled on your knees and you fought for a moment before he wrenched them apart. He quickly drew himself between your legs and his fingers danced along your skirt. He lifted it slowly and hummed at your nakedness.
“You listened,” He said. “Good girl.”
You looked away, ashamed. He rubbed your thighs and slipped his hands up to your hips as your dress bunched up.
“Relax,” He coaxed. “Lay back, doll.”
“What are you--” Your legs squeezed him as you tried to close them.
“Shh,” He gripped your hips. “Just… listen.”
You took a deep breath and shakily leaned back on your elbows. You fell back completely as one of his hands slid further up your stomach. His fingers stretched along your stomach as his other hand crept along your pelvis.
He shifted between your legs and you were stunned by the warm of his breath along your thigh. He kissed the tender flesh and you flinched. He grabbed your leg and kept you from trying to draw them together. Another kiss and you gasped. You lifted yourself up on his elbows and he pulled back.
“Down,” He commanded.
Your lips parted but your voice was gone. You fell flat and he continued on, his beard tickled the inside of your thighs. He gave a nip and you cried out. He did it again, harder, and you clawed the duvet beneath you. He left a trail of kisses and bites until his warmth reached your pelvis.
His nose tickled along your vee and you gasped. He kept one hand on your thigh as his cool tongue flicked over your folds. You tensed and he squeezed your leg. He delved deeper and your hand flew down without thinking. He slapped your hand away and kept on. The sensation he sent through you was both frightening and intoxicating.
His tongue explored you carefully but grew more fervent. He lapped at you hungrily and swirled around your clit. Your back arched and you grasped at the blankets. Your legs bent against the end of the bed as he grabbed your skirt and balled the fabric in his fist.
Your heart beat furiously as your breath hitched. You writhed against him and closed your eyes as you lost yourself in the rapture. Everything around you faded away; the distant farmhouse, the club, Birch… It was all gone. It was nothing. There was only that feeling.
You whined and slapped the mattress as your core bloomed. The sudden wave of pleasure that washed over you was suffocating. As you moaned, your voice didn’t sound like your own. Your body felt disjointed; like you were watching yourself squirm and squeal in delight.
Steve urged you on with his mouth as he didn’t let up. You came again. You were dizzy and breathless as he forced you over the line over and over. You were weak and sensitive when he finally slowed and sat back on his heels. Your grip slackened on the blankets and you reached down to push your skirt over your exposed pelvis.
“Ah,” He grabbed your wrists as he stood. “We’re not even close to done.”
He pulled you up so that you were sitting on the end of the bed. He let you go and stepped back. His gaze didn’t waver as he pulled his tee shirt over his head. You glanced down at your red dress, the skirt gathered at your waist.
“Keep that on,” He growled. “And look at me.”
Your eyes flitted up and he undid his jeans. Your cheeks burned. You recalled the sight of him the night before. You’d never seen a man entirely naked and here he was undressing before you. So brazen and bold that he seemed to splendour in it. You couldn’t look away, but you weren’t sure it had anything to do with his order.
When he was completely bare before you, your lips formed an o. His muscles were firm along his stomach, arms, and thighs. His flesh was carved with strength. His shoulders were broad and he seemed even bigger as he stood before you in his purest form.
He stepped towards the bed and it felt like you were slapped out of your trance. You kicked your legs back and he lunged forward. You crawled backwards on your hands and feet awkwardly as you tried to evade him. He caught your ankles and dragged you back to him as he lifted his knees up onto the bed.
“Let’s not do that,” He warned as he parted your legs and moved between them.
You blinked as his cock bobbed at the edge of your vision. You tried to focus on his chest, on the sheer power corded along his shoulders. He grabbed your wrists and pinned them to the mattress as he bent over you. You could feel every ounce of strength in his grip.
He kissed you. He was desperate; impatient. He dragged his lips from your and brushed down your cheek. He nuzzled your neck and nibbled the delicate skin. He closed his lips around his teeth and sucked. You cried out at the intricate pressure. You struggled, or tried to. He parted with a ‘pop’.
“What--”
“Gotta make sure they know you’re mine,” He purred as his nose tickled your throat.
He released your wrists as he dropped down onto an elbow and his other hand crept between your bodies. He pushed the straps of your dress down your shoulders until your arms were trapped in it. He cupped your tit and then the other. He moved back to take a nipple in his mouth. He toyed with your roughly and you whimpered at the pluck it sent through your core.
His fingers dug into your hip as he squeezed tighter. You could tell he was holding back, just barely. You were thankful yet terrified. His restraint could not last.
“Touch me,” He whispered against you as he moved over you.
His lips crashed into yours and you murmured into his mouth. You felt around blindly and he grabbed your hand with his. He devoured you as he guided your hand around his cock. You didn’t need any encouragement as you feared what would happen if you tried to retreat now. He shuddered as your hand slid up and down his length.
His hand flew up and grasped your head as he kissed you deeper. He moaned and parted for just a moment before he kissed you again. As you stroked him, he shifted so that his tip rubbed against your sensitive clit. You twitched and he pushed down so that every glide of your hand had him sending ripples through your core.
He eased himself down until he slid along your folds. He prodded at your cunt and ripped your hand from between you. He pulled his lips from yours and held himself up on his elbow as he felt between your legs. His eyes bore into yours as a wrinkle marred his forehead.
“You ready, doll?” He asked as he pressed himself against your entrance.
You gasped. You were terrified. He pushed in just a little and you whined. “N-no!”
He ignored you and pushed further in. You could feel yourself stretching around him. You felt an unnatural fullness as he inched deeper and deeper. You gritted your teeth. The pressure was peculiar but not painful. Your breaths came sharply and you clawed at his sides helplessly.
He pulled back just a little and you let out a sigh.
“Steve,” You pleaded.
He pushed back in and your voice fizzled. This time he sank to his limit. His body kept yours in place and he kissed your cheek as he began to thrust slowly. He smelled like leather and sweat. You could taste tears though you hadn’t felt them fall.
“Doll,” He hummed and inhaled the scent of your hair. “Oh, fuck, so good.”
“P-please,” You stuttered.
“Doesn’t that feel good?” He kept his motion steady; even but teasing.
“I don’t… know,” You bent your legs so that he was cradled between them. You felt an intense tickle and moaned.
“That’s it, just do what you feel,” He cooed.
His pelvis rubbed against your clit. You felt the same tension winding within you. The fabric of your dress scratched between your bodies.
Steve pushed himself up. He impaled you as he sat back and gripped your hips. You grabbed onto his wrists as he sped up. You cried out as he slammed into you. Hard. He jolted your entire body and the bed shook beneath you. The clap of your flesh bounced around the room as you squeezed his wrists in a silent plea.
“Hurts,” You gulped out. “Slow… slow.”
His hand came down on your chest and he stretched his fingers across you. He had you pinned as he leaned his weight into you. He didn’t seem to hear you, or perhaps he chose not to, and his groans added to the lurid cacophony. His thrusts grew sharper and more deliberate.
And you felt the tension break suddenly. You slapped his arm as you came again and your hands grasped his thick thighs as you tried to hold him to you. He bent over you and snaked his arm beneath you. He lifted you in a single motion and bounced you against him.
“Again,” He urged. “Again.”
You rocked against him as the thrill began to wane but quickly rose again as the friction mounted between you. You untangled your arms from the straps and slung them over his shoulders. He grasped the dress and twisted until it was tight around you. He used it to guide you as your body acted in a lusted haze.
When you came again, your voice crackled and you threw your head back. Steve held you up and kept your body moving against him, one hand knotted in your dress and the other on your ass.
“Oh, oh,” He rasped. “Doll, I’m almost there.”
“Wha--” You struggled to understand anything as your mind was little more than stars. “What…” Your heart dropped but the buzz still radiated through you. “N-n-no.”
He grunted and fell onto you. He crushed you against the mattress as his thrusts turned spasmodic. He groaned and you felt the heat seep into you as you wriggled beneath him. He held himself deep within you and slumped heavily over your body. His breath was trapped along the crook of your neck as he stilled.
You were silent as you stared at the ceiling. As you felt his weight over you. His body was a prison. Reality trickled along your spine as your sweat cooled and you lightly tapped his arm.
“Doll?” He breathed and nuzzled your cheek.
“Steve…” You quavered. “Steve… I’m not on… I’m not on anything.”
He lifted his head and looked down at you. He rocked his hips and you quivered.
“That’s alright, doll,” He purred. “I’ll take care of you.”
💀
#Steve Rogers#dark steve rogers#dark!steve rogers#steve rogers x reader#dark steve rogers x reader#dark!steve rogers x reader#series#fic#au#biker!steve rogers#biker au#biker!au#dark fic#dark!fic#when the weight comes down#marvel#mcu#captain america
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I don't want to stress you out so feel free to just delete my message if this is a topic you're avoiding! I was wondering how you're handling all the panic around coronavirus. I'm immunocompramised and even 'the common cold' will knock me on my ass for weeks and the only reassurance I'm hearing is that it doesn't kill healthy people. I'm trying to reassure myself that people are more likely to wash their hands& the like during the outbreak, but I was hoping you might share some thoughts?
Immunocompromised solidarity fist bump. I too am only just now getting back on my feet after the cold I caught two weeks ago, and I do mean back on my feet in a very literal sense. That shit knocked me six ways from Sunday and now suddenly people are telling me it’s March. Amazing.
That said, when it comes to coronavirus, I’m treating it like every flu season. Which is to say, the usual annual fear and preparedness that comes from being immunocompromised and surrounded by privileged, healthy people who don’t seem to understand the importance of handwashing and covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze all of the time, not just when we’re facing a possible global pandemic.
What I am having to factor in now, however, is other people’s panic, and the fact that healthy and able-bodied people are buying up medical supplies that disabled and chronically ill people need to use, sometimes on a daily basis, despite the fact that things like paper face masks really won’t protect them from something like the COVID-19 virus, not least of all because they don’t know how to use them, and don’t know how to take them on and off without the risk of contamination. Same with vogmaks. Vogmasks should never be used to prevent the spread of illness, firstly because their filter doesn’t work that way (it’s not small or well fitted enough) and secondly because as a reusable mask, it’s a high risk of contamination every time you put it on, especially given that vogmask comes with a fitted filter, and washing the mask renders the filter into mulch. So using a vogmask in a contagion type situation is highly not recommended, and if one has to be used, it should be discarded immediately afterward. This hasn’t stopped people from panic buying them in droves, however, and as of March 2nd 2020 the official store is still out of stock, meaning that people like myself who need them to go outside due to pollen and air pollutant risks aren’t able to get our hands on them. Heck, we can’t even get our hands on regular paper masks, and the ones that are available are selling on Amazon for $200 a pop and are not properly made and are not certified medical grade. Fuck, even my SIL’s hospital where she works is running out of masks, all because people are panic buying.
Which sure was the long way round of me saying, I’m more pissed than worried.
Oh sure I’m worried, but no more so than I am for usual cold and flu season because every year is a potential risk to my health and longevity of life. And while I think some worry is healthy and entirely understandable, I also think it’s important not to let it escalate to full-blown “gargling with bleach” panic, which yes, is apparently a thing people are asking google if you should do. Cause, y’know, can’t catch coronavirus if you’re dead...
Being alert and aware is good, being prepared is good, and sure, it’s probably a good idea to make sure you’ve got some extra meals in the freezer and an extra package of two of toilet paper in the house just in case all of humanity grinds to a halt for a few weeks. (also stock up on any meds you might need) But I’m also not lying awake at night worried about it. I’m far too busy lying awake at night worried about my own body and the things it’s capable of all on its own. So yeah, am I more at risk from something like COVID-19? Yes. Am I worried about it? Yes. Do I find it completely callous, ableist and utterly monstrous to hear able-bodied and healthy people saying things like “don’t worry, it’s only going to kill the weak”, abso-fucking-lutely. I’m legit one more comment like that away from drowning a motherfucker.
But I’m also trying very hard not to let panic and fear rule my life. Which is basically how I’ve been living for the last 5 years anyway if I’m honest. It’s so very, very easy at the moment to look around and be consumed by terror, and if I’m honest, it happens to me at least ten times a day before I’m able to reel it back in and do what I can about it. Which in this instance, is taking care of myself, and taking a few extra precautions here and there to avoid potential sickness.
So yeah, I don’t know if any of this is reassuring, cause honestly, I’m not sure how to reassure myself sometimes. But I also acknowledge that anxiety and stress take a toll on my immune system, and I need to do what I can to stay calm and not weaken an already fragile vessel any further. So I’m taking my meds, I’m practicing good hygiene habits, I’m avoiding people where possible, and generally just trying to live my life as safely and as best I can in a world where people cite the death of people like me as an acceptable statistic provided they make it out all right. Sad, pissed, and resolved to outlive every one of the motherfuckers if it’s the last thing I do.
Take care of yourself. I know you will, but take extra care of yourself. Be kinder than usual, allow yourself to rest more, stock up on your meds if you can, get some extra food in the freezer so you don’t have to expend energy going grocery shopping. And toilet paper. Trust me, you never want to run out of toilet paper while in self-imposed quarantine.
#petaluhsims#chronic health tag#I hope some of this makes sense#I have a lot of complicated thoughts on the matter#and most of them are me trying to curtail the white noise of panic
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Upon rereading tgcf, one of the biggest complaints I have is how lackluster all the extra chapters were. literally none of them were good and all contained rlly gross and harmful sentiments (like the amnesia one which.. yea.. or all the things implying xl should get pregnant for hc thus equating gay relationships with hetero ones and playing into the wife thing and just GOD I HATE MXTX)
There were a lot of little plot points i wish that had been further elaborated on more in the extras as opposed to hualian being ... like that. I had enough. Like mdzs had actaully good extras (minus the incense burners) that were nice side stories that elaborated more on the characters. Like the hook one with the juniors was so cute and i loved seeing them grow more. Or the lotus pod extras omg.. im such a lotus pod extra stan. those were so cute and gave us a lot of good insight into just how lovestruck lwj was during the times when he didn’t see wwx. mxtx should've stuck to those sorta extras in tgcf but NOOO. SO I have a list of so many other more interesting things those chapters couldve been spent on like:
A resolution on He Xuan’s revenge and his character arc. Bc its implied He Xuan is still hanging out and watching over sqx and that taking revenge didn’t fully satisfy him bc ok.. yea shi wudu is dead but he xuans family will never come back. Now what does he have to live for?? i wish we couldve seen a look into his life during the entire ordeal. like a chapter from his perspective while he was posing as Ming Yi and maybe a look at a conversation btw he xuan and the real ming yi or a chapter after SQX was banished to see what he’s doing now. Also what did he xuan owe hua cheng money for anyways?? Like ik not every little thing has to be explained but I Want to Know. PLEASE more goth boyfriend content now I just wanna see him :,((
a better resolution of yin yu and quan yizhens storyline. im still mad abt how that plot point was split btw books 3 and 5 when it was rlly out of place and there were other more pressing plot matters and it just rlly deserved more time. Also i thought yin yu died!?!?!? but apparently one of the extras says he’s alive and man... i;m not reading any more of the extras to see that, give me a full yin yu and quan yizhen chapter.. fuck.
a day in the life of the guoshi fangxin or general hua PLEASE especially like one where hua cheng was SO CLOSE to meeting xie lian but had no clue that xie lian was there at the time but the two did smth that inadvertantly helped the other and they still were connected even though they hadnt met omg pls that’d be so nice. like imagine Hua cheng catching a glimpse of the guoshi in public in yong’an while he’s trying to follow some lead that points to xie lian or maybe following a lead to capture qi rong bc he said he knew qi rong was a part of the yong’an stuff and originally thought the guoshi was one of qi rongs pawns. like can you IMAGINE him getting so close. but at the last second he did smth small that impacted xie lian. like they bumped into eachother on the street or smth. god i’d go crazy
OR vice versa.. like a day in the life of the young ghost king hua cheng. Like again, one of my biggest issues was that hua cheng just knew everything and its never really explained how he got all of that info. like yes he’s been alive very long and has eyes and ppl working for him everywhere but like... how did he build that network?? I’d love to see a chapter of young ghost king hua cheng travelling around trying to learn as much as he can abt the world and how it can help bring him to xie lian. and the two maybe are in the same kingdom for a bit and they don’t meet exactly but hua cheng stops some fight or something and helps xie lian indirectly or maybe xie lian is performing on the street in some costume and hua cheng doesn’t recognize him and smiles and gives him a coin or smth. idk i’m just dying for any sorta extra chapter or fic like that. i’m honestly so tempted to write my own but i cant write
also!! we’ve seen how xie lian picks up people down on their luck near him and show them kindness (like banyue, lang ying, xiao ying, he tried to with san lang but we know how that ended lmao) so i’d love to see another little vignette of him doing that on his travels and how every person he meets teaches him smth about life and being a good person and idk, i just think it’d be rlly sweet. i love this facet of his character and feel like we didn’t see enough of it towards the end.
ALSO hua cheng only seems to respect one heavenly official besides xie lian and thats yushi huang.. i assume thats mostly bc she was the only one to help xie lian and let him use the rain master hat to bring water to yong’an. I was thinking maybe when he was a new supreme he had run into trouble and maybe was picked up by the rain master and helped him heal and in return he promised to help protect her village from harm in the future. Like i know a heavenly official wouldn’t cooperate with a ghost like that but yushi huang is different and doesn’t really care about the heavens so i think she would protect him if he could do something to benefit her village. ik this is kinda far fetched but when he first became a supreme I’m sure a bunch of ppl probably tried to mess with him and didn’t rlly believe him to be undefeatable bc he hadn’t proved himself yet also i doubt all his power came overnight. he had to learn how to use it once he escaped the kiln. and some group probably thought they could weaken him somehow. I’m thinking maybe a rlly well formed group of ghosts actually caught him off guard once and he had to retreat and was picked up by the rain master and stayed with her and learned from her a bit. i think it’d be a cool concept also i just rlly want more yushi huang content and i’m on their friendship agenda bc he rlly did seem to actually respect her when she first appeared and i think it’d be cool if the two had some history together.
Also idrc if this was addressed I couldve missed it But!! Did xie lian ever tell Hua cheng that the reason he got the curse shackles and was banished again in the first place wasnt bc jun wu wanted to punish him, but because he requested it. And specifically requested it bc he felt guilty abt letting wu ming take the human face disease and disperse for his sake. So he took the shackles and descended to atone for that?? Bc I dont recall hua cheng learning that bc his soul was already dispersed at that point so it didnt follow him and xie lian didnt say anything so uhhh... someone should tell hua cheng that. Like I dont think xie lian rlly said how much hua cheng meant to him and didnt show him he was loved in grand ways. Like xie lian did always care for bc in other ways but I think if hua cheng learned abt this on screen it wouldve been such a great moment and I'm rlly surprised mxtx didnt address this iirc!?!? Like imagine jun wu telling Hua cheng this in the kiln bc xie lian wouldnt say it himself. Imagine how cool that would be.
Also a small thing adding into the whole young ghost king Hua cheng stuff. Its implied and p much stated that hua cheng isnt his real name. That he likely doesnt have a real name bc his parents died? (It's not clear. I'm still mad at mxtx for not making his childhood clearer). So I'd like to see when and why hua cheng chose that name for himself. The new tgcf ending song kinda hints at its meaning with the lyrics "for you I'd fill a city of flowers" as xie lian is the flower wielding martial god so it's probably inspired by that. Also xie lian saved hua cheng from leaping off the city walls but I'd love to hear him say it bc the implication of his name didnt dawn on me for quite a bit and I dont know if everyone made the connection. Again I sure as hell didnt. So itd be cool to see a chapter that takes place in his past after just ascending as a supreme
Overall I rlly think tgcf had a lot more potential to be even better and a lot of that comes down to fleshing out the side characters and letting hualian have more of a storyline independent of one another. like i know the appeal and message of tgcf is that through love, people can overcome anything, but fuck man. i just wanna see what these two (mostly hua cheng) where like in the absence of each others presence. Part of what I really liked abt mdzs is that we got to see that longing develop btw wangxian when the two weren’t together and how they thought about each other and did things in thei others spirit bc they knew the other wouldve done the same thing. but whatever, mxtx was too consumed by her own unhealthy idea of what devotion and true love looks like but still. i rlly think the extras couldve helped the story be better rather than be fujoshi fuel that i try to bleach from my mind -_-
#tgcf#🐌.txt#long post#text heavy#god its 1am im queuing this for the daytime bc i need yall to read this and scream with me bc these wouldve been such better extra chapters#oh fuck this is 1.3k words ajfaskjfklasfjksd#i should just write my own extras at this point now.. fuck mxtx
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wouldn’t it be good | xavier plympton x reader
SUMMARY: Xavier Plympton is the only living occupant of Camp Redwood. Mortality is getting to him.
WORDS: 1.8k
WARNINGS: Death. Lots of death. And fluff.
SONG USED: Nik Kershaw - Wouldn’t It Be Good
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A/N: So this is probably complete shit but this is my way of easing myself back into writing, I’m too scared to touch smut just yet so I’m going on the fluffy angst trail. I have no idea what kind of AU I’m using here… it’s just not the normal order of events.
Meeting a ghost should have scared Xavier Plympton.
Falling in love with a ghost should have scared him more.
I got it bad, you don't know how bad I got it
“Babe,” he whispered softly from beside you, squeezing his arm around your shoulders as you rested against the pillows. The stretch of his syllables suggested he spoke through a wide smile, a smart comment incoming. “Was that technically necrophilia?”
Luckily he couldn’t see your dramatic eye roll in response. You dipped into the crook of his neck, nuzzling into him and planting a comforting palm on his bare sculpted chest.
You got it easy, you don't know when you've got it good
“Xavier Plympton, I love you dearly,” you sighed wistfully, “but is that really the first thing you can think about?”
A light giggle ripped through his chest before he planted a kiss atop your hair.
It's getting harder just keeping life and soul together
“I don’t know what else to think, I just banged a ghost and... finished.”
“You’re surprised you could get it up for a dead girl?” You broke free of his grip and sat bolt upright before him, mocking offence at the insinuation.
I'm sick of fighting even though I know I should
“No, no no no,” he corrected without a second’s thought. “I mean how did it stay inside you? Or did my load fall right through you?”
“Do you really need an answer to that question or are you doing market research?”
The cold is biting through each and every nerve and fibre
“I mean I can just about get my head around you not needing to eat,” he pondered as his gaze drifted off into the middle distance. “The whole not gaining weight thing must be a massive bonus for aerobics. But don’t you miss burgers? Hot dogs? Cotton candy?”
“You’re thinking too hard, gorgeous,” you cooed, leaning in to kiss him and dismiss his concerns. “Being dead isn’t that complicated, not at Camp Redwood anyway. I’m human in a lot of ways, except that I reappear a few seconds after I’ve been killed.”
My broken spirit is frozen to the core
Xavier’s gaze dropped to his lap, a dejected curl taking to his lips.
I don't want to be here no more
“If it’s so easy, why don’t you just kill me? So I can be with you?”
A tense silence lingered too long.
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes, even if it was for just one day?
“Xav, what are you—?”
Suddenly Xavier reached for the bedside cabinet, grabbing his pocket knife and gesturing it in the space between you. Pleading eyes returned to yours, journeyed down to the gleaming blade, then jolted back up again.
Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away?
“How about this? If I give you the damn knife myself, will you do it for me? Hell, I’d do it myself if I wasn’t so goddamn squeamish.”
You pressed your eyes closed, concealing the pain in your gaze that bolted through your body the moment you caught his meaning.
Wouldn't it be good to be on your side? The grass is always greener over there.
“Xavier, you don’t know what you’re asking.”
“Sure I do,” he waved a blasé hand between you and gestured back to the weapon, shining cold and bitter in his eager palm. “I’m asking the love of my life to end my life.”
Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care?
Folding your arms in frustration and a demonstration of your intent, you frowned hard. “I’m not killing you and that’s final.”
“Oh come on,” he chuckled lightly, almost cheerful in the deep discourse between you. “It’s not that hard, you killed Chet yesterday for stealing your last Pop Tart!”
You must be joking, you don't know a thing about it
“That... that was different! He had it coming long before the goddamn Pop Tart!”
Xavier leaned in to close the tense space between you, raising a hand to brush aside your hair and cup your cheek. He knew your objections were fragile, he knew your debate was futile, so he began the softly-softly approach.
You've got no problem, I’d stay right there if I were you
“Baby girl, I’m the only one here that isn’t dead yet.” His gaze burned into yours with an intensity he rarely let anybody see from him, his macho exterior cast aside for this moment. “Don’t ask me how or why but nobody’s bumped me off yet. I need you to do this for me because nobody else here will.”
“I made everybody promise not to kill you,” you confessed with a sigh, carding a stressed hand through your hair. “You have a life outside of this camp, you’re the only one who has something to go back to out in the real world.”
I got it harder, you couldn't dream how hard I got it
Xavier lunged forward, a curious line forming in his forehead. “I’ve got a life? Since when? What have I honestly got ‘to go back to out in the real world?!’ Last I checked, I’ve got a sketchy porn tape and a long list of failed auditions for parts I’ll never make because I’m just not good enough.”
Stay out of my shoes if you know what's good for you
“Let me get this straight, you want to give up your entire career for wandering this damp, dark shithole with no aim, no purpose except to dodge the Lady In White for all eternity?”
You could’ve sworn Xavier rolled his eyes beneath his prominent brows. “That’s exactly what I want, because if all that wandering means I get to hold your hand,” Xavier trailed off while reaching to clasp your hand with his, his thumb brushing with intent over the back of your fingers. “Then it’s worth missing out on life outside Camp Redwood.”
The heat is stifling, burning me up from the inside
“I... I can’t ask you to give up your life for me, to never get a chance to work again,” you attempted to conclude the issue, knowing full well he would not relent no matter what moral ultimatum you retaliated with. “I don’t want you to be stuck here forever just because of some girl.”
The sweat is coming through each and every pore
Xavier’s breaths stalled in his throat, his gaze hardened on your eyes and he released your hand to drop with a thud against the sheets.
I don't want to be here no more
“That’s what you think you are to me? Some girl?”
“No, no of course not, I—…”
I don't want to be here no more
Before you could defend yourself, Xavier tossed the sheets covering him to one side, grabbed his white pants and yanked them on, still gripping the shimmering blade in his hand. As he rushed to the cabin door, stumbling on the fabric wrapped around his feet, you followed suit and grasped your own clothes.
I don't want to be here no more
“Xavier, wait—!”
No response came amidst the shuffling of leather as he shrugged on his lavender jacket and swung the door open. Chucking your dress on over your head and bundling out of the door behind him, barefoot onto the dirt track beyond the cabin.
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes, even if it was for just one day?
“Xavier!” You called helplessly into the dark, your lover’s pastel form fading into the pitch black forest ahead. “Xavier, I didn’t mean it, please!”
His figure hurried into the wilderness, disappearing from your sight aided by the brimming of searing hot tears. You stalled, frozen to the spot, breaths shallow and frantic that blocked out the silence of the woods surrounding you.
Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away?
“Please don’t do anything stupid, Xav,” you cried out into the darkness, tugging lengths of your hair in desperation. “I love you, you bleach blonde idiot!”
“Wanting to be with someone you love is never stupid,” his voice called out from close behind you, making you spin on your heels until your face met his, noses a mere inch apart. “Especially if they’re a bleach blonde idiot.”
Wouldn't it be good to be on your side?
Sharing a coy smile, you barely noticed his hand take yours, silently guiding your fingers to wrap around a familiar cool metal handle. The instant the cold sensation numbed your palm, your brimming tears burst their banks.
The grass is always greener over there
“On three, okay?” Xavier instructed calmly, almost too calmly, curling his lips into a comforting grin as you agreed without words.
Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care?
“One,” Xavier declared, nodding encouragingly as you gripped the blade’s shank. “T… two,” his confident voice faltered. “Three.”
With his last word, he clasped his digits over yours and thrust the blade into his abdomen. Suppressing a pained gasp, he forced a smile and hooked his free hand around your neck, pulling you in for one last kiss.
I got it bad, you don't know how bad I got it
“I… I love you,” he whispered into your mouth, interrupted by strangled gurgles as his lips weakened against yours. “See... see you in a moment.”
Suddenly his weight dropped against your chest, pulling you to the floor as you held him in your arms. The blood from his abdomen poured so violently against you, your dress clung to your skin and sent freezing shivers through you.
You got it easy, you don't know when you've got it good
“Xav,” you cried at the lifeless body in your lap, frantic tears dripping on Xavier’s jacket beneath you. “Xav, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Xavier’s voice husked behind you, more clear and confident than ever. “This is all I’ve ever wanted.”
It's getting harder, just keeping life and soul together
Turning your head sharply, your gaze fell on a bright-eyed, healthy version of Xavier, smiling from ear to ear behind you. You snapped back to look at his body in your arms but his weight was gone, your lap empty even of the blood soaking your dress.
Xavier extended a hand to lift you to your feet, this time you dropped lifeless against his chest, relieved that his strength prevented you from falling to the forest floor.
I'm sick of fighting even though I know I should
“Easy, I’ve got you,” his reassuring tone poured like honey into your ear between the thunderous pounding of your pulse drowning him out. “I’ve got you forever, baby.”
“H...,” you stuttered, straining to stand up straight. “How are you feeling?”
His signature grin beamed back at you, tightening his arms around you.
“It’s not bad,” he sighed wistfully. “I could murder some cotton candy.”
#xavier plympton x reader#xavier plympton fanfiction#xavier plympton imagines#xavier x reader#ahs 1984#xavier plympton x reader angst
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WWE Wrestlemania 37 Day 2 - Review
And we are back!
Wrestlemania hit hard with Day 1, good shit and big moments fitting of the show
So let's see if Day 2 can match up to it, lots of big matches on the card, we'll see how it goes.
See the Night 1 Review Here
Spoilers for Night 2 and References to Night 1 included, you have been Warned
Pre-Show
Like the last Night, no matches on the Pre-Show, just drivel and promos. So the same criticisms really, Lawler saying 'Wrestlerainia' doesn't make it any better than when Cole said it, his attempts at jokes were awful even when they were his material. When they recapped Night 1 though they should've shown footage of Ford celebrating with Bianca rather than just say it - a Picture says a Thousand Words.
Standard Promo Package lies apply too, 'Rhea Ripley has brutalized everyone she's come through' ...except Io Shirai and Raquel Gonzalez, similar went down for the second half of HOF because Great Khali is only there to pander to India - also what did the Mayor of Knox County ever do for WWE?
Sonya also popped up again, strangely to talk about the Nigerian Drum Fight - which Booker T talked about the most, if I wanted to watch a bunch of old dudes talk over Sonya Deville I'd be drinking bleach. She also stuck for Sami vs KO, and barely talked in that too.
Also the promo they had about Kofimania was rough to watch, considering how it ended and how Kofi fared on Night 1, all this to promote a cheesy Cricket commercial about him not touching the ground...
The 24/7 title even got a continuation of ads, but it was more a 'to be concluded on Youtube' - honestly the belt has run its course, Truth has ran out of jokes and it's been reduced to an Old Spice ad crossover.
Main Card
Starting once more with 'America the Beautiful', replacing the boob window with a bright yellow hat. It was fine, as a Brit 'America the Beautiful' does nothing for me.
They then did the same intro package as night 1 just with some different clips, skippable. And the shoddy camera switching is still there.
Hogan and Titus came out again this time in pirate outfits, there was noticeable boos in Hogan's bits with cheesy pirate puns. In the end the host concept was wasted on them.
Reminder that names in Bold are those I predicted to win.
Randy Orton def. The Fiend [w/Alexa Bliss] (Pinfall via RKO)
Orton opened night 2 in white tights and a fairy long-winded entrance, the melted Fiend then walked through a corridor of fire LEDs as CGI burned away into his original Fiend look...but Alexa's Firefly Funhouse music hit. Cutesy Bliss approached a giant Jack in a Box commentary act like just 'appeared'. The Fiend arose from the box in a combat vest, posed then dove right at Orton.
Red lights cover the match throughout, Uranage and a neck snap started the match as the Fiend continued to do his spooky thing, it looks like he was gonna set up the punt but Randy rolls out of the ring. Randy hits the back body slam on the Announcer's Desk but it's no sold into the Mandible Claw, rope break and apron DDT from Orton only staggers the Fiend but rebounding his neck off the ropes grounds him momentarily. Orton tries to methodically beat down the Fiend but the monster hits back hard, a missed Senton and a senton follows some head kicks and another apron DDT, he sets up for an RKO but the Fiend gets the Mandible Claw (which commentary no sold even though he has won titles with that move), he sets up Sister Abigail but the ring posts pyro like Kane and before Fiend is Bliss with new makeup, dripping in black goo she extends her hand to the Fiend from the jack in the box, RKO and...3!?
Post match Fiend and Alexa stare down, the electricity shorts out and both members disappear.
That's it? That's what we got? The Fiend was burned alive and survived but 1 RKO does it? The Fiend no sold so much in his career and one RKO felled him. The fuck man, this was as bad as the last time these two went at mania, you'd think like the brilliant Firefly Funhouse Match last year we'd get some course correction. But nope, Fiend's story is just being taken over by Alexa and this daft-ass black goo stuff, I don't get the motivation either. Fiend helped Alexa straddle Orton for a 3 count at Fastlane, talked all big for months about how the Fiend was going to obliterate Orton and it lasted about 8 minutes, the entrances lasted longer! Last year the Fiend was great with a cinematic match, but WWE have somehow managed to systematically destroy one of their most inventive characters time and time again, not a good start.
Backstage once again Bayley gets buried by the Hosts and this time Eric Bischoff as she tried to push Ding Dong Hello and got jealous of them talking up Bianca vs Sasha from last night.
WWE Women's Tag Championship - Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax (c) def. Natalya & Tamina (Ref Stoppage Submission by Baszler on Natalya via Kirufuda Clutch)
Not a promising sign to follow the opener with this match, the challengers entered quickly with Natalya having a slightly altered attire. Jax and Baszler came in with red, black and gold. Natalya and Baszler start the match with some mat wrestling, Natalya almost gets the Sharpshooter so Shayna tags Nia in, Nia shoves Natalya and demands that Tamina - her old tag partner - be tagged in. Both trade headbutts, Tamina almost lifts Nia but fails, she tags in Natalya for the double back body drop and drops the blind tagged Shayna onto her partner.
Natalya tries a Sharpshooter but is schoolboy'd for 2, Natalya retaliates with a German Suplex, whipping Shayna into a Clothesline, then launch pad into a superkick. As Shayna strikes back an advantage she stiffs Natalya in the mouth with a knee (legitimately, there was a picture of a welt before) Nia brawls with Tamina outside, hitting a powerslam outside of the ring. Another knee strike floors Natalya for 2 as Shayna works on the leg, kneebar and then an ankle stomp, Nia follows up with a Legdrop over the injured leg, another kneebar and then combos of swing/knee strike and irish whip/powerslam. Nia runs into the turnbuckle as Natalya floors Nia with multiple lariat attempts, Nia though hits back with a Chokeslam/Powerbomb thing they called a Spinebuster but the pin is broken by Tamina. Tamina gets the hot tag against Shayna, Baszler tries to weaken the leg, then the Kirufuda clutch but Tamina powers into a Samoan Drop. She goes up for a Superfly Splash but Shayna kicks her, Nia looks to do an Avalanche Samoan Drop but Natalya pulls Tamina away, she lariats Baszler but Nia hits the crossbody on both opponents for 2, favouring the knee after.
Talking trash to Tamina she gets hit with a slam, Nia's repositioning couldn't be missed by the wide shot as Tamina goes for the Superfly Splash, but nobody home. Natalya's tagged and she goes for Baszler in the corner, Baszler counters and blind tags as Nia lifts Natalya up, but she wriggles out, floors Baszler again and sets the Sharpshooter on the now not legal Nia. Baszler cinches in the Kirufuda clutch and the match is over.
The fact that this was more eventful than the opener speaks volumes. It was a match, I don't think there's many people who feel like Nia and Shayna deserve this spot. Shayna was great in NXT but she's not doing herself any favours stiffing her opponents, Nia's rubbing off in a bad way. I had the challengers to win because I'm bored of them still being champions - only briefly giving it to Asuka and Charlotte so Charlotte can add that to her list - they should've either dropped to NXT or let the Riott Squad win, there was nothing in this match to invest in.
Rey Mysterio is used to promote 2K22. A surprise since we thought WWE and 2K's partnership was done, I am a huge fan of Rey so it was nice to see, much nicer if he was actually on Wrestlemania and getting a push...
Kevin Owens def. Sami Zayn [w/Logan Paul] (Pinfall via Stunner)
JBL is the guest commentator for this...for some reason. Sami struts to the ring in dark green trying to pull off a Che Guevara look, a mini tantrum at the ramp before heading to the ring and grabbing the mic to introduce Logan Paul, who walks to the ring as Sami dances super embarrassingly in the ring. Owens then charges into the ring with vigor to get the crowd amped up. The bell rings, Sami tries the Helluva Kick and gets hit with a Pop-Up Powerbomb.
KO punishes Sami in the start, dropping Sami gut-first on the ropes, corner clothesline and Cannonball as the camera awkwardly keeps cutting to Logan Paul. Sami gets a suplex on the apron to get back some momentum as he demands for Owens to be counted out, Owens rolls in at 8 but Sami continues to club at KO's head. Cole calls a Michinoku Driver a Blue Thunder Bomb but this time gets called out on it, pinfall is 2 and Sami gets into the ref's face. Attempted Superplex leads to a fistfight in the corner, Owens headbutts him off and Frog Splashes for 2, tries the Pop-Up powerbomb, Sami leapfrogs, Sami tries the Michinoku Driver but Owens reverses it into a meaty Pumphandle Neckbreaker for 2. He goes for the Package Piledriver but Sami hits the corner exploder, tries for the Helluva Kick but misses, KO tries the Stunner but it's reversed into a Blue Thunder Bomb for 2 as well. Two Exploders and a Brainbuster for 2 frustrates Sami further, brawling in the corner, he tries for a Superplex but gets hit with an Avalanche twisting Fisherman's Suplex. KO hits Sami with some corner clotheslines but as he runs to bounce off the other corner he runs into a Helluva Kick, Sami catching his collapsed friend as he sets it up again, 2 Superkicks from Owens and a Stunner finishes Sami off as Logan Paul applauds.
Post-Match Logan checks on Sami and congratulates Owens, which Sami takes umbrage with. Logan shoves Sami as he storms off, Logan holds KO's arm in the air to boos, cheers start to rumble as Paul is hit with a stunner to a pop.
KO and Sami rarely disappoints, I don't think they really got to get out of second gear but it was still a good match. The Logan Paul stuff though was stupid and unnecessary, sure we got him to eat a Stunner but the ends don't justify the means. Also why was JBL there?
Backstage Riddle scooters across to Great Khali, stoner comedy doesn't land as Khali no sells it, RVD shows up to wish Riddle luck. Segment was meh.
US Championship - Sheamus def. Riddle (c) (Pinfall via Brogue Kick TITLE CHANGE!)
Sheamus arrives blinding white but no special gear, Riddle scooters down in an Evil Knievel jacket, hologram doves with pirate hats and eyepatches adding to the cheese. Sheamus uses his power to start, but Riddle comes back with some chops, Sheamus hits back in each of his attempts; knee to the gut, then driving Riddle's sleeper in the corner, then a reversal swinging slam. Irish Curse gets 2, Riddle tries a Tarantula Armbreaker but Sheamus hits his Beats of Bodhran, he goes up high but Riddle reverses with a Spanish Fly Belly to Belly on the top turnbuckle. Riddle rallies with strikes, hits a Pele Kick and a Senton, to slight Goldberg Riddle hits the Jackhammer on the second time of trying but only gets 2. He tries the Bro Derek but Sheamus rolls back, Riddle kicks Sheamus away but in his slingshot lands into a Brogue Kick, 1, 2, No. Alabama Slam, 1, 2, No.
He tries a White Noise on the Apron but gets pushed into the Ring Post and then German's on the Apron. An Apron PK and Moonsault keeps Sheamus down enough for Riddle to hit the Twisting Moonsault, he locks in the Reverse armbar but it's reversed into a deadlift powerbomb, Riddle then latches the sleeper for the rope break. Sheamus tries again for a Top Rope White Noise, Riddle tries to Sunset Bomb but fails, Riddle tries the Spanish Fly Belly to belly again but Sheamus grabs him. A stumble means that the two hop off the Turnbuckle for a normal White Noise, Sheamus goes up with a Knee Drop but it only hits 2. Sheamus calls for the Brogue, gets rolled up but catches the Knee strike, Riddle dodges the lariat, goes for a Springboard Moonsault but lands into the Brogue, 1, 2, 3.
Post match Riddle is bleeding from the mouth, he angrily stares at the gleeful Sheamus who leaves with the title.
A good title match and much deserved from Sheamus, who has delivered in many matches on the later stages of of the Wrestlemania year, shame he was on the wrong brand to complete the set, he only needs the IC title to win everything. Riddle doesn't do it for me in this gimmick (which as I gather is mostly himself stoned) but credit where it's due, he put a good performance and that was a strong finish.
An odd package followed where Triple H handed Bad Bunny a golden briefcase with a skull microphone, which he opened atop his truck. The briefcase says Tour 2022 to promote his future tour.
Nigerian Drum Fight for the IC Title - Apollo Crews def. Big E (c) (Pinfall via Dabba Kato Chokeslam TITLE CHANGE!)
The promo really hurt my ears to hear Apollo's accent devolve into this foreign heel gimmick. Wale though performs to enter Big E, more questionable camera cuts to E and the Fireworks. E's jacket represented Feeding Tampa Bay as a nice nod to the food bank, Apollo came out in Nigerian colors with his scarf and Spear. Commentary's line saying 'this isn't about percussion' falls kinda flat when there's drums around the ring.
Both men roll out to grab Kendo sticks, trading blows which E gets the power advantage over. E grabs the giant cymbal but Apollo knees it away, hits E with some more Kendo Shots back into the ring. You can hear the WAFT of Apollo's missed shot as E knocks him away and then does the out-of-ring spear. E sets up the lower steps near the apron but gets hit with a DVD on the apron, pinfall gets 2. Crews grabs the top half of the steps, lays E on the one he sets up and throws the other steps at it, but E rolls away just in time. On the apron Apollo hits a big boot, but on the second attempt falls into an Uranage onto the flat steps (which Cole called an Uranage Suplex for some reason...), after some trash talking E gets a table set up in the ring near a corner. Apollo kicks back and flurries E with a Kendo Stick, he rolls E onto the table to go for the frog splash, but E rolls away sending Apollo crashing through the table.
E hits the Big Ending, but Dabba Kato/Babatunde in a military jacket breaks the pin, a sorta Samoan Spike and a Chokeslam leads to him dragging Apollo onto E for the win.
Apollo gets a lot of unnecessary pyro and shakes his new comrade's hand.
Bit short that, the gimmick didn't really come into play. I mean, I'm glad Apollo gets a chance to hold another title and E can look towards the top of the card but I don't think this was really the way to do it. It didn't need to be a 'Nigerian Drum Fight', could've just been a No DQ, Dabba Kato gets his third repackaging since Greatest Royal Rumble probably as Apollo's 'General' which is kinda no different to what AJ and Omos are doing just with more foreign heel-isms. But yeah, bit disappointing on the means of it but the outcome was right, just...kinda stop faking a thick accent it's getting you nowhere acting like you're on the set of Black Panther.
Again we look back at Night 1, this time with minor clips of Ford congratulating his wife, but should've been a segment on its own rather than a flash-through recap. Stone Cold Mania 38 Texas promo and the HOF promo they did on this Pre-Show happens again which is unnecessary but the hologram of a ghost ship was cool, the HOFers come out and Kane gets the entrance, he does his pyro and that's it - that's how you do it, Hogan.
Raw Women's Championship - Rhea Ripley def. Asuka (c) (Pinfall via Riptide TITLE CHANGE!)
THIS IS MY BRUTALITY! performed live as Rhea wastes no time coming out, leather biker outfit this time, no Vegeta costume. Silly camera cuts to Rhea and the Singer AGAIN though, stop it WWE it's distracting. Asuka dances down the ring in a bit of a Jason mask, but the camera keeps cutting to Rhea which is off-putting. Also commentary on 'she has never seen Rhea Ripley up close and personal', they were in a tag match together a week and a half ago and in Survivor Series 2019 she faced her in Team NXT as part of Team RAW, seriously WWE...
Asuka starts hot with her athleticism, dropkicks, rebounds and rollups met with more shoddy camera cuts, Rhea leaves the ring to take a moment as Asuka taunts her, she baits Asuka out of the ring as she rolls in but her leg is caught, pop-up knee strike returns Rhea to the ring but she misses the hip attack, gifting Rhea the slamming facebuster for 2. Rhea wears the champion down and taunts her with leg scissors and hits a couple of clotheslines, Asuka reverses the third into an ankle lock but Rhea rolls into a Release German Suplex.
Rhea grinds away at Asuka's back and sets up for a super German but Asuka elbows her away and lands the Missile Dropkick, Release German, Hip Attack, a strike combo, another Hip Attack but it only gets 2. Asuka goes up top but is dropkicked to the outside, Asuka tries a PK on the apron but is caught into an Electric Chair position and dropped chin-first onto the apron. Trying to roll Asuka back into the ring, the champion returns to hit a DDT from the apron to the outside, after breaking the count Asuka only gets 2, stomps at Rhea but her running knee gets caught, Rhea stomps at Asuka and sets up the Texas Cloverleaf, Asuka rolls out and into the Armbar but Rhea swings Asuka into the bottom turnbuckle. Deadlift suplex back into the ring for 2, Asuka reverses a waistlock into two armbar variations and then an Asuka Lock, Rhea rolls back for 2 and the hold to break but gets gutted with kicks to the chest, Rhea demands more so Asuka runs to the ropes, Rhea catches her, Riptide, 3!
That finish came out of nowhere, which was not a good thing. We were having quite an enjoyable match which ended around the 15 minute mark, it wasn't short but the narrative wasn't quite there yet. I'm happy for Rhea, who I predicted to win but like Sasha/Bianca it came with the heavy heart. Like Sasha, Asuka has often been slighted especially at Wrestlemania, she deserves her moment too, especially Asuka who carried the Women for most of the Empty Arena era.
WWE recapped the opener which was a bad idea, Hogan and Titus thanked all the viewers at home and the fans but were interrupted by Bayley who demanded and got her pyro, then out came the Bella Twins. Bayley got a good zing by calling them Elmo but then Nikki slapped the mic away from her when she says 'John Cena isn't here tonight', Bellas said 'Ding Dong, Goodbye' and beat down Bayley. This was shite really, Bayley had been buried across 2 nights and her 'comeuppance' is the Bella Twins, not the woman beginning with B I was hoping for, and the John Cena comment was heavily forced, fans know they broke up ages ago Nikki has a kid with her husband who is not John Cena, fans aren't stupid WWE.
WWE then promoted 'Wrestlemania Backlash' for May 16th, a whole month away. They say it'll be a whole new season for WWE so I'm wondering if it's just a storyline reset...y'know how Wrestlemania is supposed to be, slapping Wrestlemania on other show names doesn't make it Wrestlemania-tier guys.
Universal Championship - Roman Reigns (c) [w/Paul Heyman & Jey Uso] def. Daniel Bryan and Edge (Pinfall on Edge and Bryan via Con-Chair-To)
To the Main Event, one of the few storylines in Mania's card that was consistently good in build. Bryan comes out first, camera angles flashing during the YES! chants. Huge pops and smoke rage for Metalingus and Edge enters in white and Red (bookending with Orton), fireworks camera shots though. For once, Roman Reigns enters the Main Event without a chorus of deafening boos, but he takes his time to come out, in his red wreath flanked by Jey Uso and Heyman, cameras cutting to each opponent's faces a bit too much, especially to Bryan. Bad call not to bring in Justin Roberts to announce Edge either. Roman makes sure to hoist the belt while facing both his opponents before the bell.
Reigns starts by suckering Bryan and then going after Edge. He throws Bryan out of the ring where Jey superkicks him and sends him into the steps thanks to Triple Threat rules. Edge eats a superkick from Uso too when he's thrown out as Roman cleans up the announcer's table, as Edge is grabbed by Uso, Reigns is hit by Bryan's suicide dive but eats an Uso superkick, this gives Edge time to throw Uso into the steps, pinballing Reigns against the barricade and apron until bouncing off of the ring post. Edge then sets his sights on Uso, hitting a DDT on the steps to take him out of the equation, medical team swarm Uso as Heyman halfheartedly looks concerned. Edge chases Heyman away and enters the ring with Bryan - a moment which would've been sold better if the camera didn't cut to a close up of Roman alive and well on the outside.
Bryan gets the Yes Kicks in the corner but his Super Rana is reversed into a sunset flip, Edge-o-matic but it's only 2. Roman comes back on the apron both men attempting to suplex the other, Bryan slides under Roman and cuts Roman's legs from under him - jawbreaking Edge on the ropes - he hits the Missile Dropkick on Edge, kips up and hits the uppercut, after dodging the lariat he tries to suicide dive Roman but he's caught by the champion and hit with a belly to belly suplex. Edge brings Roman to the ring but gets hit with a clothesline, Roman sets up the Superman Punch but Edge turns it into an Edgecution. He sets up the Spear but Roman knocks him down, Roman sets the Spear but it is reversed in a Sunset Flip, both men collide with spears to take each other out.
During a wide shot Bryan goes up top, he lands a diving headbutt on Edge, then on Roman, he pins Roman but only gets 2. Yes Kicks to both men, Roman dodges one and pushes him towards Edge, but Bryan ducks the Lariat and hits the Buisaku Knee, Roman tries the Superman Punch but is kicked in the gut, Buzzsaw Kick! 1, 2, No! Bryan stomps on Roman's head and sets up the Yes Lock, but Edge breaks the hold, so Bryan puts Edge in the Yes Lock and Roman breaks the hold, clubbing at Bryan and powerbombing him onto Edge. After dumping Bryan, Roman pauses before setting up half the steps near the Announcer's Table, he's incited by the 'Roman Sucks' chant and powerbombs Bryan through the Announcer's table, but is then blindsided with a Spear! Edge goes to bring in a chair but Roman keeps his foot on it, he pulls the chair away and tries the Guillotine but Edge locks in the Crossface, as Roman powers out Edge grabs a part of the chair leg that fell off and uses that in his Crossface - a humorous face from Reigns as I pause the vid as well XD - he's about to tap but Bryan grabs the hand, and locks in the Yes Lock! Annoyed that his win is stolen, Edge demands he break the hold, but Bryan refuses, leading to a headbutt fight and Bryan pounding at Edge. Bryan then stomps at Edge's head and looks for the Buisaku Knee, but gets hit by a Spear! Roman tries a Spear but Edge hits one of his own! 1, 2, Bryan pulls the ref out of the ring. Furious, Edge introduces more chairs, hitting Bryan and Edge one after the other. He sets up Con-Chair-To to both men, hits it on Bryan but Jey Uso returns to attack, eats a Spear and a load of Chair Shots, Reigns hits the spear on Edge, hits the Con-Chair-To, drags Edge over Bryan and pins both for the win.
The show closes with pyro and Fireworks as Roman talks trash on his opponents and holds the title aloft, ending Wrestlemania 37.
It was a very good back and forth match, Roman of course relying heavily on Jey's interferences and the animosity between Edge and Bryan to come out on top. Keeping the Spear and the Con-Chair-To for last was the right move and the latter was definitely impactful enough to ensure that Bryan could sleep for a few minutes, especially with his and Edge's history of neck injuries. I bet on Roman because of his past record, how after finally turning heel he gets the right heat and because in Triple Threats involving a Heel Champion and 2 Faces, you either bet on the third man or the heel champion, since the story was that Roman could lose without being pinned I chose the latter, the heel often finds the escape. All three men had great chemistry together and I hope for more, SD's world title scene having an absolute slew of competitors waiting to challenge the head of the table.
Conclusion
Overall another good night of wrestling...just not better. There were some super baffling and poor moments in the first half of the show and 3 title changes in a row (as well as 2 live performances in a row) was probably not the best card layout Night 2 could've done. Overall it was still a good show though and as a whole Wrestlemania 37 was a success, if not without its glaring flaws. But it goes to show that a 2-Day Wrestlemania continues to flourish as a new season of WWE kicks off.
#wwe#wwe smackdown#wwe raw#smackdown#raw#wwe wrestlemania#wrestlemania#wrestlemania 37#wwe wrestlemania 37#wrestlemania 37 night 2#bray wyatt#the fiend#alexa bliss#randy orton#nia jax#shayna baszler#tamina snuka#natalya#sami zayn#kevin owens#logan paul#matt riddle#sheamus wwe#apollo crews#big e#big e langston#dabba kato#asuka wwe#KANA#rhea ripley
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Female characters in shounens
I'm seeing a Sakura gif set with her being badass and people are claiming how she was a character wasted. And while I agree with this notion, I can't shake the feeling that Shounen is still long ways to improve in this regard. No matter how developed are the female characters, they will never have an equal footing with the male characters, with (very rare) exceptions when the main character is a female and/or is written by a female mangaka.
Here's the list of shounen mangas I've read:
- Saint Seiya: female "main" character is a goddess which just inspires the male characters to fight. She has one glorious fight moment but it's just at the end of the story.
- Yuu Yuu Hakusho: female "main" character also is just a trophy to inspire the main character and although their chemistry was good, she was mostly pushed aside. In the last arc they finally put a strong female character, but she wasn't shown much.
- DragonBall: female side character is strictly for comedic purposes and/or inspire character (Vegetta) for good. Shown every once in a decade.
- Hikaru no Go: 2 female side characters. Yawn.
- Katekyo Hitman Reborn: female characters are trophies and their sole existence is the fact that they are good housewives. Only one female character fights and have character development but that's in a veeeeeery loose sense.
- Full Metal Alchemist: FINALLY. Good female characters, complex, well-written with their own ambitions that has nothing to do with the male characters. But it's written by a female mangaka.
- Ranma 1/2: Main female characters that...yeah, it's inspired for the main character to fight but at least she has some agency? Eh, idk.
- Inu Yasha: Main female character but she doesn't have many moments to shine, which is really a pity. She's mostly in the middle of a romantic triangle squabble with another female character that is shown to be equal in strength but somehow this other female character uses her power better.
- DeathNote: *bitter laugh*
- Hunter X Hunter: ....two, three female side characters? At least one is funny as heck, strongh, ripped when she wants to transform herself. Not to mention she's the teacher of the 2 main characters.
- Bleach: Oh God.
- Fairy Tale: Ironically enough, the female main characters have enough agency, have enough moments to shine, have character development. But a lot of ass and boobs so...
- Naruto: *staring at the camera in the Office meme*
- Silver Spoon: Full Metal Alchemist same mangaka, so thank the GODS the female character is awesome-sauce.
- Boku no Hero Academia: Alright, they show some promises with the female heroines, but they are mostly shoved to the sidelines because the main characters are always stronger.
- One Piece: ^points to above. They had an arc where the female villain was stronger and was well-developed, but still. I think both BNHA and One Piece suffer some problem where the female characters are well-rounded but forgotten most times.
- Haikyuu!!: I love this manga to pieces but the female-centered chapters are like... 2 or 3 out of 402? Eh.
- Bakuman: Female character only inspires one of the main character, the other marries the other one because...? I still don't get it. Ok, I'll put one positive point in the main female character because she has her own ambition.
- Magi: Main female character is pretty strong but slanted to the side. And I still don't really get her ambition, maybe. Honestly though, Magi deconstructs a lot of things tho. Still leagues better than Naruto. (I said what I said)
- Shougeki no Soma: Boobs and ass. Alright, main female character has her own agency but is suddenly weakened once the main male character is around.
--.--
Anyways. People might claim "But it's shounen! It's right there, for boys and/or young men." But really? One Piece mangaka already told in a Q&A that his female audience is 50% to 60%. Naruto I reckon is around that percentage. Prince of Tennis is 80%. It doesn't hurt for them to put proper development to the female characters.
I wrote most of the titles I read from 90's to 2010's. Now reading my own musings I realized that they didn't progress much. Exceptions of the role is our wonderful Hiromu Arakawa (FMA and Silver Spoon mangaka).
I get that Japan's feminism is still walking really damn slow but idk...
Honestly though guys, don't get inspired by female characters in shounen. You'll end up disappointed. Eh, but what I'm saying. I'm pretty sure a lot of people here just use them for shipping purposes.
Except Hiromu Arakawa's titles though. She's the best.
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The Outliers - A Guild Wars Love Story
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapters 10 and 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16 , Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, Chapter 31, Chapter 32, Chapter 33
Chapter 34
The airship was abuzz with panicked passengers who ran about desperately across the decks. Several of the brigands brandished muskets and rapiers threatening to disembowel anyone who did not comply with their demands.
Kaleb ran up several flights of stairs while frisking his pockets, trying to find the keys to their honeymoon suite. Amalthia shook her head and groaned.
"You would lose your head if it weren't attached to your shoulders, you know that don't you?" She said to him in a patronizing tone.
"Hey. Cut me some slack, will ya? I thought I kept them in my pants pocket," Kaleb retorted.
"You thought wrong," she chuffed as several scared passengers ran down the stairs, some tripping over their own feet.
"I think this is the right hallway. Let's go!"
The husband and wife bounty hunters made a mad dash though the narrow passageway as Kaleb recognized the number to their luxury suite.
"This is it!"
"Still no keys, huh?"
"Well, don't you have a blowtorch stuffed somewhere under your garter?"
Amalthia looked at him and smiled as she gave him a lick on his cheek. "As a matter of fact I do."
She lifted up her skirt, revealing a small butane torch that she always kept with her in case of unseen emergencies.
"I'll just kick the door down. It's much faster," Kaleb said as he gave the sturdy wooden door a full-forced kick. To his chagrin, it didn't budge.
"Nice try, but you don't have the leverage. I'll just cut the hasps. The dummies who installed these doors forgot to put them on the inside."
Once the torch was lit, Amalthia began slicing through the door hinges. It took less than two minutes for them to be cut. After the doorway was weakened, they pulled it aside and rushed into their suite hoping to find their luggage. Moments later, the couple they had run into earlier at the dining hall appeared through the now gaping door frame.
"My gods! It's you two... did you not hear that there are..."
Amalthia cut the husband off in mid sentence. "Pirates. We know. Love, any luck with our suitcase?"
Kaleb rummaged through some smaller bags until he found the right one. "Got it!"
The woman interjected. "Harold. These are the same annoying people who were making all that racket last night."
"I think that's the least of our problems, dear. Hey guy. Leave the luggage. It's not worth your life," the woman's husband said.
"Tell me you have the key to our luggage. I hear more than one pair of unfriendly footsteps coming up fast," Amalthia said as she snarled in frustration.
Kaleb fished his pockets for a moment before locating what he needed to find.
"Key! Got it!"
With a quick twist of the locks, the suitcase opened revealing an arsenal of weapons. Kaleb reached for his two pistols while Amalthia quickly assembled her folded sniper rifle. Each of them also took a short sword then promptly strapped them to their hips.
"Oh my gods... just what kind of people are you??" The woman said just as Kaleb pointed his guns in her direction.
"The good kind. Duck!"
He unleashed two rounds that blew the heads off of two pirates who were just about to accost the newlyweds. Drenched in a spatter of blood and brain matter, the couple screamed in sheer terror as Amalthia calmly tried to wipe them down using a towel she had grabbed from the linen closet.
"Sorry for my husband ruining your dress. But don't worry, bleach should remove most of the stain."
The shocked couple did not budge.
Kaleb reached into his coat pocket, pulled out a couple of business cards then handed the cathartic husband and wife one each.
"We are the Outliers - Kaleb and Amalthia Grimwald-Steelblade - professional bounty hunters at your service. We specialize in undead, uncouth and unruly. Our prices are reasonable..."
"Kaleb. I really don't think they are interested in hearing our entire spiel at this time," Amalthia said as she glanced at one of the business cards. When she noticed something was printed in error, she snatched one of the cards from the hand of the still-as-a-statue man then showed it to her husband.
"Shit! They forgot to put a hyphen between our last names. After we just spent all that coin on these extra glossy..."
"Incoming!" Kaleb shouted as he unloaded more rounds into some oncoming brigands.
Amalthia's keen hearing allowed her to track the pirates' clanky weaponry from behind walls. As soon as several of them converged in an optimum spot, she loosed a high-powered round from her long rifle.
The sound of brief grunts followed by the thud of falling bodies echoed through the corridors.
"Load me up, love!" She said as Kaleb tossed her some extra magazines while she loped on all fours across the hall checking to see if the coast was clear.
"I promise I'll contact the print shop and have 'em print us up some new cards," Kaleb said while providing cover for his wife.
"You'd better!" Amalthia playfully snarled.
Kaleb stowed his revolvers then offered his hand to the cathartic couple. "Come with us if you want to not die."
"What kind of people carry stockpiles of weapons on their honeymoon?" The man asked in a panicked voice.
Amalthia backtracked upon hearing the comment then replied; "the kind that want to stay alive."
"You heard her. Hey honey... you should have let me bring Bob."
Kaleb's wife growled and shook her head. "Bob was over the size limit. So stop grousing over it and use what ya got."
He, then, pulled out his shortsword and grimaced. "This thing isn't big enough to skewer a skritt. Besides, I haven't even given it a name."
"Fine, call it Chuck."
"Chuck? Why that's a horrible name!" Kaleb shook his head in disagreement.
"It can't be much worse than Bob." Amalthia countered then stuck her tongue out at her husband.
"Oh Harold. This has turned out to be such an awful trip. This couple that happens to be just as weird as they are rude, just ruined our romantic getaway. And now that same weird, rude couple is in the middle of fighting a bunch of pirates who are hijacking our ship. ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME HAROLD??!"
Shaking in fear, her husband just hunkered down and said nothing.
"Warning, newly minted spouse about to lose it," Kaleb said as he deftly wielded his shortsword against some oncoming brigands by quickly felling them with swift strokes to their kneecaps.
"Make yourself useful, woman, and carry our luggage," Amalthia stated as she tossed the heavy suitcase to Harold's wife.
Deck by deck, the human-charr husband and wife team began clearing each hallway of scoundrels. Once they were finished, no less than twenty of the pirates lay dead. The remainder retreated from the ship using makeshift gliders.
In spite of the Zephyrites' philosophy of non-violence, the commander of the vessel thanked both Kaleb and Amalthia for their heroic deeds. For the remainder of their honeymoon, the pair was treated to free dinners and full use of the travel amenities.
On the final day of their trip, Kaleb and Amalthia were enjoying complimentary free massages as they sipped on a tall daiquiri that was shared between them.
"So you promise to get the hyphen added to between our names?" Amalthia asked as she took a big slurp from the frozen glass.
Kaleb took a long suck from the straw as well. "Promise. In fact, I'll shred every non-hyphenated name business card in our inventory."
"Good! I love you, you know," his wife said as she relaxed her muscles and purred in contentment.
"And I love you too. Hey. Look at the normal couple over there. I'll bet this is a trip they'll never forget," Kaleb said with a wide grin.
Amalthia reached over then took his hand and held it tightly. "That's the kind of effect we have on people. We are odd."
"We are bold," Kaleb said as he leaned over to kiss her.
The human and charr - who were now husband and wife - looked into each other's eyes and said in one chorus.
"We are Outliers!"
...the beginning.
(All chapters have been posted to AO3. Chapter 34 is posted here.)
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MIKROKOSMOS [PJM]
SUMMARY: There’s nothing that pisses Y/N off more than her own life. Her family is highly religious, wealthy and nothing she’d consider fun. Her surrounding is boring, but once the new guy, Park Jimin, decides to sit right next to her, Y/N enters a new world filled with romance & fun. Little did she know that this kind of fun had his shadow side to it.
WARNINGS: THIS FIC MIGHT CONSIDER TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR SOME OF YOU. IT CONSISTS OF RELIGIOUS TALK (not in a positive way), DRUG ABUSE, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS, MANIPULATIVE BEHAVIOR AND MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT! I DO NOT WANT TO ROMANTICIZE DRUG USE, BECAUSE IT IS NOT ROMANTIC, THERE’S NOTHING FUN ABOUT IT. PLEASE BE SAFE! other than that there’s a few smut scenes, an orgy and some homosexual scenes.
WORD COUNT: 24k
AUTHOR’S NOTE: a big ass thank you goes out to my babe @namjooniebjonesuniverse for betaing this piece, i love you
PROLOGUE x YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE
“I don’t get it, Y/N! What did we do to you? How could you end up like that?” Your mother broke down in tears while looking down at your dirty, probably disgusting smelling self.
“You’re the worst thing that could’ve happened to our family! Just because you decided to fall in love with this Jimin guy. The devil has sent him to test you, but you failed. You sinned just to receive a bit of pleasure instead of listening to our God!”
Your mother was talking herself into a rage, her veins popping out of her neck as she continued yelling at you, but you didn’t even listen, ignoring your own mother like you already did the past couple of months.
God here, God there. That’s all your family was talking about ever since you were little. Talking about that weird guy that seems to live in the clouds, watching you living and judging whatever you were doing down there. But, how could you think about Jesus when your mind was full of other things? Like your next shot.
“Y/N, I can’t believe it! You’re not even listening to your own mother! I need to call the church so they can send pastor Jin to us, he needs to clean your mind! He needs to get those demons out of your thoughts.”
Suddenly, she starts praying, which is your opportunity to get out of here. You slowly walk back into your room, shivering as the cold floor touched your naked feet, closing the door and smirking at the beautiful man that was already laying in your dirty bed.
“Took you long enough, babe. Did your mother tell you I’m the devil’s son again? That I came straight from hell to ruin your life? Why don’t you listen to her, angel? Why won’t you leave me for your own sake?” His fingers trail over your lips, his actions already weakening you to the bones. Jimin chuckles, his still very muscular chest rising. His voice is full of sarcasm while his lips form the devilish grin that caused you to fall for him a long time ago.
Meanwhile, he takes the old, rusty utensils from the nightstand and slowly pours the white powder on top of the spoon. As soon as you realized his actions, your mind goes crazy and your tiny, destroyed body begins to shake from the sudden pain you feel. Much to your irritation, Jimin takes his time preparing his own shot, holding the lighter under the spoon painfully slow.
“For fuck’s sake, hurry!”, your raspy voice breaks, but you could bet that he understood what you were saying - he just didn’t bother to listen. “Jimin, I can’t wait any longer!” Your cold hands were starting to shake so badly that you already knew that you couldn’t even prepare your own shot if he wasn’t ready within the next few minutes. But you knew Jimin way too well by now - he wouldn’t help you, you as a couple were far past this point by now and he never wanted you to go down this path anyway.
“If you’ve got enough time to prepare your shot that slowly, hand it over. Because I need it now, you know that once I’m on turkey, I won’t be able to do it myself. GIVE IT TO ME, NOW!” You try to rip the improvised belt out of his hand, but Jimin just pushes you away with his foot as he rams the needle into his veins.
A few seconds later, his eyes are already closing while a soft smile appears on his lips.
“Fucking son of a bitch,” you mutter to yourself before pulling the needle out of his arm and preparing your own shot of happiness. You didn’t even bother to clean the needle; if you didn’t get ill from sharing by now, it would probably never happen.
Your hands wouldn’t stop shaking while you tried to cook the substance on the dirty spoon - and it got even worse by the time you were trying to fill the needle. You nearly dropped everything while searching for a vein that was good enough, trying not to shoot into the scar tissues. After a few misplaced shots, you finally reached a vein that was good enough for your liking - and that’s when you shot the liquid into your system. Within seconds, you got beamed into a whole other universe while falling asleep on Jimin’s slowly rising chest.
01 x FIRST LOVE
Your life is boring. Not interesting at all. You’ve spent your entire childhood in this Christian boarding school ever since you were 6. Now that you were finally out of that, your parents decided to send you to a Christian college, and to be honest: it really fucking sucks. Besides your packed lessons (that your parents chose for you), you had to take religion classes every day and visit the college church every Sunday.
“Y/N, c’mon, we’re about to be late to Biology!”
Yeah, well. Your classmates suck too. You’ve never, ever in your entire life, seen someone coming late to class, it’s always been you. Y/N Y/L/N. It could’ve been worse, you knew that. Because of this one weird guy in front of you… yeah, his name is Thaddeus. As in Thaddäus out of the twelve disciples, chosen by Jesus Christ.
After lunch - strictly vegetarian of course - and without any motivation left in you, you strolled down the hallway to the last class of today. You unbutton the first two buttons of your white blouse, leaving enough for the imagination, anything inappropriate was covered by the striped tie hanging wearily around your neck. Whoever thought that uniforms would do any good: thank you, this is a fucking cult.
“Miss Y/L/N, could you please place your feet back on the holy ground instead of the table? Or do you want to clean the classroom afterward?” You huff in annoyance, stamping your feet on the ground so the dirt falls off your Dr. Martens. The act of rebelliousness was overshadowed by the door swinging open rather loudly. You look up, staring at the stranger’s face. None of your classmates had the guts to come in late, but there were no rumors going around about a new student, and rumors spread fast around here. The guy that came in keeps a cold gaze towards your teacher. He looks just the slightest bit taller than you, with high heels you’d be the same height. He looks good, soft facial features but thick thighs and even a thicker ass, phenomenal. As if God had sent you a personal angel.
“My lovely students, this is Park Jimin. His parents moved here from Seoul, please don’t be rude to him and accept him in our class! I bet he’d be glad to get to know every single one of you. Park Jimin, why don’t you tell the class more about yourself?”
Park Jimin, as the teacher just told them, didn't seem to be very affected by anything. He studies every single face, which gives you the opportunity to study his. A mop of bleached hair, narrowed eyebrows, and brown eyes that had the same annoyed look as yours did. His plump lips were pressed into a line, probably hiding a rude commentary to his introduction.
“It’s Jimin. And I don’t see the point in introducing myself, wouldn’t want to make friends anyway.” His deep voice didn’t surprise you at all, while he begins walking towards the only empty chair – which of course led to be the one next to you. You fought for this place for about two years, you would never share it. Not with him, not with anyone. “I want to sit alone,” you spit. “And I don’t care.”
“Alright, the seat next to Ms. Y/L/N is empty as you already saw. Now, tell us about your hobbies, your favorite book, don’t be shy!” Your teacher still tries to make him talk, but Jimin just huffs in annoyance. “No hobbies, I don’t read, just look at the pictures, and for that, I prefer the dirty ones, you know?”
“Oh, okay, well… Anyways, we’re going to start with our next topic which will be DNA and genetics. I’ll show you a little short film and you have to take some notes so we can discuss it later on. Have fun with our little friend Geni!”
With that, the teacher started some stupid clip of an alien called Geni that wants to teach genetics while being funny. Didn’t work out that well.
“Hey, is she always like that? She seems to be a bit sick in the head.” Jimin’s voice drags you out of your thoughts, and you were surprised that he decided to talk to you. You shrug your shoulders while muttering a quick “dunno”, feeling his eyes burning on your body as he was obviously checking you out. You raised an eyebrow as you keep staring at him. “Is there something interesting to see? You should focus on Geni, our little friend, not my unbuttoned blouse.” With that, you continued studying his face, his jawline was very strong in contrast to his hollowed cheeks. His eyes seem to be tired because they’ve always been kind of closed while his gaze is starring somewhere else.
Just in the moment, he was about to open his mouth, the teacher screams, “Well that was fun! Never been so amused while learning important facts! Ha, Geni is a genius. I hoped you wrote down anything important so we can discuss them in the next lesson. Have a nice night evening and I hope everyone will be there to cheer on our hockey team, they have their first official match today!”
Soon, the classroom is empty, and everyone is inside their dorms. You changed into something comfier before sitting down on your desk as you start to paint with your new oil colors.
“Wow, damn. This is sick! Looks like some kind of a trip. Do you draw often? I mean, of course you do, it looks so fucking good!” You got so terrified that you nearly fell out of your chair, then you realized it was Jimin standing right next to you, his eyes on the piece of paper in front of you.
“Ehm, hi Jimin? Nice to see you, I guess, but this is my room?”
“Hi, cool room. I like your style, fits mine”, he points to your pair of sweats while opening and unbuttoning his shirt. Then he sits down on the bed which hasn’t had an owner. Yet.
“Anyways, this college sucks. I mean, it really bloody sucks. Teachers and students. Sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you, but you know how it is. Everyone seems to be manipulated by God, it’s really scary. Well, I live here now, but I gotta go. See you later, alligator.”
He was soon gone and you were more than confused. You are a girl, living in a dorm, not knowing there was any chance to have a boy as a roommate. Of course, sometimes boyfriend and girlfriend were able to share a room in a regular college, but most of the time, it was strictly separated. Shrugging the thought off, you prepared your stuff for a quick shower, still thinking about Park Jimin and the impact he’s going to have on your life.
The next morning already starts with a surprise, it seems like Park Jimin hasn’t been in there the entire night. His suitcase and most of his clothes are still spread across his bed. This boy was such a mystery.
Not even an hour later, you find yourself in the first class of the day, not listening to what the teacher said, drawing in your notebook once again. “Do you always draw that stuff? I mean, yesterday, today, literally all the time. Not that it bothers me, I really like it. But I wanna know what’s in your head", a deep voice says right next to your ears, causing you to jump the slightest bit. You were so pissed about Jimin’s sudden presence that you couldn’t even answer his question.
“Oh c’mon, don’t act like you’re listening to that bullshit this nun is talking about. And since you’re a student here, you should be drawing churches or the holy ghost or I don’t even know. But for sure not that,” he points to the burning people you drew, burning in purgatory and your cheeks got instant red.
“Where were you last night? When I woke up I found your suitcase on your bed, just like you left it yesterday. Listen, those professors are so fucking strict, I don’t want to lose this place, okay? And one of their simplest punishments is scrubbing the church floor – which I don’t want to do either because there will be 20 Jesus figures watching you. And..”
“Y/L/N, Park! This lesson is more precious than your conversation, seems like I have to inform both of your parents. Detention, both of you!” Your disgustingly annoying teacher interrupts you roughly.
After 4 more hours of maths and religion, you practically run into your room, Jimin right behind you. “Y/N, why aren’t you talking to me? Are you angry ‘cause of the detention? Listen, I’m kinda sorry, but it’ll be just two hours of sitting there, it could be worse. And why is the ugly rat calling our parents? Y/L/N are you even listening?”
You feel Jimin's hand on your shoulder, but shrug it off. “Hm? Yeah, sure I am.”
“You’re weird, but oh well. Are you hungry? Should we head out to Subway or McDonalds? We still have a bit of time left before detention starts and I’m starving.”
You are looking up to him, confusion written all over your face. “Leaving? The only time you’re allowed to leave is between 3 and 7. Lunch is in the canteen, but the food is vegetarian.”
Jimin’s eyes widen in shock. “Vegetarian? Seriously? Dude, this is torture! How are you even alive?”
“Dunno. Never had meat, never wanted to, it’s dead animals. That’s disgusting. There are plants for a reason, y’know?”
“Sick”, Jimin nods. “Hey, Y/N! Why can’t ants go to church? ‘Cause they’re insects. Insects! Understand?” he laughs so hard that he needed to sit down on his bed, holding his stomach.
You, on the other hand, open the bible on your desk. “Haha, funny,” you mumble and begin to write down the daily phrases you needed to hand in the next day.
“Have you ever drunk alcohol? Or smoked? Oh, you hesitated, you’re a literal virgin. In everything! We need to change that, but first: lunch!” You squirm, unsure about what to say; simply because he was right. But to you, this was normal. Sure, you've wished for a boyfriend and maybe even sex in the past, but you never felt like you were missing out on something.
He drags you by your tiny hands and almost runs into the dining hall. “What’s that smell?”, Jimin scrunches his nose, looking confused.
“I don’t even know, it always smells like cabbage, but there’s never cabbage in the meals. You need to get the vegetable burger, but never the vegetable sausages. Everything with noodles or potatoes is fine, salad is okay but the soups are disgusting, got it? We can go to the city later on and find something better for you.” You both decided on getting the burger and while you directly dig into it, Jimin starts off by taking a bite of the fries, then scrunches his nose again and adds half a bottle of ketchup onto them.
“I can show you around then, but there aren’t any cool stores to buy clothes, I usually order them once I’m home.” You managed to speak while chewing your last bite of burger. Jimin smiles.
“You’re pretty cool, angel. Never thought I could meet someone I’d like in here.”
“Look at that, Y/N! They all look like puppets!” Jimin spins around to look around the city. “Seems like there’s only one store with one clothing line, that’s terrible.” Oh boy, he was so right. Each guy was wearing ripped skinny jeans with a Supreme BoGo-Sweater and Yeezys, while all of the girls were dressed in way too tight leggings and some kind of shirts and hoodies that exposed their belly buttons. But you just shrugged, looking down at your mom jeans and the way too big ‘YUNGBLUD’ shirt you wore underneath your leather jacket. You looked like one of those TikTok girls, but you couldn’t help it - you were an emo girl in middle school, some things never change. The only thing that changed was that you got some sort of style by now, not just wearing checkerboard pants and your favorite hoodie with black stars on it.
“Told you, I usually order my stuff online.” Jimin looks at you, nodding. “You need something that makes you different, angel.” He grabs your hand and leads you to the nearest store with a holographic ‘Tattoo & Piercing Shop’-sign.
“Uh, well, I do already have both, so no thanks. But if you want to get some…” You laughed, causing Jimin to smirk.
“Where?”
You just winked before pulling him into the shop. “You need to get your nose pierced, Jimin. I don’t care if you’ll get detention forever, but I bet it’d suit you,” you smile.
“No-uh, I’m not getting anything before you either tell me what’s where on your body or you’re getting something else. I guess tongue would look great on you, but it hurts like a buttcheek on a stick”, he raises an eyebrow, thinking about the idea of a pierced nose and actually digging it. “You know what? Fuck it, I’m doing it.”
Half an hour later you were already able to leave the studio, but Jimin was the only one that was freshly pierced. A black stud was now decorating his nose and you couldn’t help but grin.
“Never thought I’d see you crying, Park.”
He laughed, slightly punching your shoulder. “It didn’t hurt, but I guess my nose is just connected to my eyes, so…”
“Yeah, of course, tell me whatever you want.” Jimin turned around, looking at you, smiling. “Hey, could we just make one last stop? I need to get something really important, doesn’t take too long.” You just nodded, why wouldn’t you? You have more than an hour left and the walk back to college wouldn’t take more than 20 minutes. “Sure.”
You’ve been walking for another 15 minutes, until you got slightly confused, not knowing the area you’re in. “Jimin, where are we? What do you need to get here? We need to get home soon, y’know.”
“Don’t piss yourself, little one, I’ll be quick.” You were about 5 meters away from a weird-looking guy, chewing gum and playing on his phone, but once he saw Jimin, he nods and they exchanged a strange handshake before heading in different directions. “That’s it?” you asked, not knowing what to think about this situation.
Once you were at your dorm again, laying on your beds and listening to different kinds of music, Jimin stands up to get some see-through plastic bag out of the pockets of his denim jacket. You didn’t really get to see it, but watch his movements as he sat back down, opening the bag and pulling some kind of dried flower out of it.
“Whoa, is that weed? Jimin, that’s illegal! You can’t do this, you’re going to die!”, You panicked, of course, you never came in contact with any kind of drug, not even alcohol. All you knew was that drugs destroy your body, you’ve seen ‘We Children of Bahnhof Zoo’ twice and who would ever want to take anything after watching this movie? Jimin ignored your comment, grinding the weed before rolling a blunt. “Wait, you’re not doing this in here! I don’t want to die with you! Besides that, it smells, you can’t keep that a secret”, you narrow your eyebrows, making him laugh and roll his eyes while lightning the dangerous stick before inhaling some of it.
“Want some?”, he offers, but you shook your head hysterically, the smoke burning in your eyes. “Hm, guess I was wrong then,” Jimin mumbles most likely to himself. “Thought you were different than the others, but it seems like you’re just one of them. What a shame, I thought there could be more than that between us. But don’t worry, it’s not about you, it’s about the fucking system you were born in.”
He stood up, going back onto his own bed, while you continue to stare at the wall. Just like the others, he said. He made fun of you. All you wanted was to be on the same level as him, wanted to be as cool as him. Different than the others here. God, you haven’t even held a normal cigarette, now he wants you to smoke a fucking blunt. Slowly, the risk of getting caught, doing something dangerous and the satisfied look on Jimin’s face caused you to change your mind. You couldn’t lay still, tingles running through your entire body, the smell of weed permanently in your nose, as you watched the soft clouds wander through the room. “For fuck’s sake, it can’t be that wrong, right? Give it to me.”
It was completely different from what you thought it would be, you had always thought weed would loosen you up, sink into your brain cells to calm you down. The only thing you felt was a burning sensation in your lungs and throat, which lead you to coughing more than you ever did in your whole life. Groaning, you handed the blunt back to Jimin who had a knowing smirk on his lips. “Angel, you need to keep that in your lungs for a longer time, otherwise you won’t feel anything.” You nod, taking the glimstick back in between your fingers to take another hit. “Try to act as if you’d want to swallow the smoke before taking another hit”, Jimin tried to explain, switching back onto your bed to help you.
Great, you thought, you were even too dumb to smoke a fucking blunt, but kept following his instructions. Swallowing the smoke, holding your breath, trying not to cough your soul out of her body. “Sick, isn’t it?”, Jimin asks, grinning widely. You, on the other hand, were kinda disappointed, shrugging your shoulders. “Yeah, it’s so chill, dude,” you mumble and let yourself fall back onto the sheets. Minutes later, you were fast asleep.
Part 02 x BOY MEETS EVIL
The entire class was staring at you once you walked into the room. The teachers were talking behind your backs when they saw both of you walking through the corridors. “Jimin, they’re staring,” you mumbled anxiously, turning quite shy. “Of course they are, angel. You look so pretty today,” Jimin complimented you – or your outfit. He made you wear a bra that pushed your tits to a maximum, having you open only the first button of your blouse and to complement your long legs in the tiny skirt, you wore Dr. Martens boots instead of your Converse. You grew nervous, not knowing what the teachers would tell you, but you felt good right next to Jimin. He always looked good without effort, you simply wanted to look good too. Smiling, you nodded, head feeling slightly heavier than usual.
“Ms. Y/L/N, what on earth did you do? Wearing your uniform like this is against god’s law! Jesus will be so disappointed in you, my dear.” Your teacher sent a quick prayer to god before letting you sit down.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you,” you muttered under your breath but made sure the nun would hear it while Jimin snorted, then laughed. You felt strong, almost at the same level Jimin was on.
“Ms Y/L/N, you’re going to write the entire first book of Matthew, since you put such a shame on him. And pray to god, he sees all of us!”, the teacher almost screamed before returning to her lesson. “Shit, angel. You really battled this old slut. Religion against religion! That was so sick, we need to celebrate it later!”, Jimin showed you the tiny bag he held in his pants pockets.
“Dude, not here, not now. We’re still in the classroom! And I need to write down this fucking book later on. The hoe wants to kill me, it’d usually take a week to finish that, I can’t do it in just one evening.” Groaning, you let your head fall on the table. “You go smoke, I’ll do my shit.”
In your room, you directly started copying the text, smelling a familiar scent about 7 pages in. You sigh, but keep your eyes on the bible, your hand already hurting from holding the pen. Who even came across the idea of writing the bible? You laughed, believing more in Harry Potter than this shit of a fiction.
“C’mon, stop this boring shit. Bible studies are over now, Jimin time starts now. If you don’t come laying down next to me, I’ll be sad.” Jimin pouts, making you laugh, which leads you to closing the books and walking towards his bed, letting him pull you right next to him. With that, you were smoking your second joint in as many days.
You were currently repeating your freshly learned process of smoking until the room was completely filled with smoke. Your head was resting on Jimin’s lap, as you talked about conspiracy theories and religion. I mean, as far as a discussion between two stoned teenagers can go. It’s not serious at all because you couldn’t stop laughing the entire time while playing some 90s music in the background.
“Uh, Jiminie, why are all these guys dressed up as monkeys?” you asked, staring at the screen in confusion.
“Well, dunno. But this song is a bop, who doesn’t like the Bloodhound Gang? Oh, wait, play this! I loved it as a child!” he pointed to a different video, jumping off the bed excitedly. Seconds later, the intro of ‘Californication’ started, changing your vibe completely. You closed your eyes before screaming to the chorus while Jimin tried to beatbox the melody. Then, he pressed a quick peck onto your lips, before both of you broke out in laughter. ‘Barbie Girl’ started and you transformed into Barbie and Ken while dancing wildly to it. “Wait, I know another one!” Jimin pushes you back onto the bed before playing another song.
All the people look at me like I’m a little girl,
well do you ever think it’d be okay for me to step into this world?
I know I may come off quiet, I may come off shy, but I feel like talking, dancing when I see this guy.
All I know is that I’m happy when you’re dancing there.
Jimin moves his body like it’s something he does on a daily basis, swinging his hips sinfully while his eyes were locked with yours. His lips move with the lyrics, playing with the hem of his shirt, letting it fall to the ground quickly and exposing his toned abs. His own hands were roaming his muscular chest, the music getting to it’s best.
I’m a slave for you, I cannot hold it, I cannot control it,
I’m a slave for you, I won’t deny it, I’m not trying to hide it.
Baby, don’t you wanna dance up on me?
He sits onto your lap, but all the laughter from a few moments ago was gone, this shit was dead serious and fucking hot. His hips move against yours, similar to a snake on the ground, while his lips keep singing the song into your ear. The song changes, but none of you care about ‘Toxic’ being played in the background, with this guy on your lap, you’d ignore everything going on around you. You were just a teen, your cunt screaming for attention.
There’s no escape, I can’t wait, I need a hit, baby gimme it. You’re dangerous, I’m loving it.
Too high, can’t come down, losing my head spinning ‘round and ‘round. Do you feel me now?
You didn’t feel anything besides your juices forming a wet patch in your panties and your rising chest. Being stoned made you so loose that you didn’t give a single fuck and totally digging his show. Your hands roam his back onto his ass, while licking your lips and staring at Jimin’s toned chest one more time. Jimin, on the other hand, keeps on going with his show.
With the taste of your lips I’m on a ride – you’re toxic, I’m slipping under. With the taste of your poison paradise – I’m addicted to you, don’t you know that you’re toxic?
Then, you're sharing your first kiss with this edgy man, his stubble feeling rough against your soft skin, his lips are chapped and the exact opposite of yours. But the feeling of his dominant tongue entering your mouth and fighting with your own was so much better than you could have imagined. Jimin knows what he wants and that was you. He throws your smaller body back and climbs on top of you, his hands grabbing a fistful of your hair, while you swing one leg around his slim waist. Your teeth slam against each other’s but that was nothing that could tear you apart right now. His lips started to move down your neck, leaving some love bites and a wet trail on your collarbone, which made you groan out in unknown pleasure.
But suddenly, it felt like someone spilled cold water into your face, you were wide awake now. You snap back to reality and realize that Britney’s voice in the background was nothing more than embarrassing. “Uh, Jimin, sorry, but this is weird.” You shove him back onto his own bed, while accidentally touching his hard on. “Fuck, Y/N, what are you doing? Just let it happen, we’re both horny and goddamn high. Why do you want to end this right now?”
But it wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t know you were a virgin. And he couldn’t know that anything sexual wasn’t a part of your life until now - you were simply ashamed.
You went straight to bed without talking to Jimin, not even trying to solve your problem. You even woke up an hour before him and ran off into the classroom without him knowing. You were the first one there, which gave you more than enough time to think about yesterday. But Jimin never came to class, the seat next to you was empty again, but this time you didn't enjoy it. Everything was like before, when there was no weird but attractive boy in your life. The only thing that has been changed were your thoughts, running back to last night, back to his hands roaming your body and soon enough, you were squirming in your seat, groaning in frustration. You couldn’t help but start drawing Jimin, his messy hair, wide grin, and red, sad eyes.
You knew it was right to end what happened, it was just the weed that made you kiss him. You shouldn’t have smoked in the first place; like your parents always told you. But you had to admit that the kiss turned you on, even thinking about it now made you wet again.
“Y/L/N, I’m talking to you, don’t you listen?” the weak voice of your teacher drags you out of your daydream, while you were trying to find out what they were talking about. “I wanted to know which disorders of the synapsis exist?”
“The synapsis can be damaged by, among other things, strokes or Lyme disease. But you can also lose synapses by age or health differences,” you roll your eyes, sinking back into your fantasies.
After lunch, you went straight back into your room, where Jimin was comfortably lying on his back, surrounded by smoke. He, of course, had your entire attention while you placed your bag down and loosened the tie around your neck. He’s just laying there, eyes closed and listening to music, yet looking like a Greek god. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and you could finally concentrate on the tattoos around his chest, which was completely hairless. Your feet dragged you to his nightstand, where the rest of his joint was laying in an ashtray. Without looking at him, you took it and inhaled a few times before taking the ashtray to your desk, the joint still between your lips. “You could’ve asked instead of stealing my weed, y’know? But I guess it’s how it is, you take what you want before realizing you don’t really need it, huh?”, his groggy voice caused you to shriek, yet send tingles through your entire body.
“Oh, I’m sorry, if I knew you were awake, I wouldn’t have taken it. Well, I need to do my homework anyways.”
“Mh, sure.”
The THC starts to work its way into your brain so that you needed to repeat every other sentence before giving in and laying down onto your bed, listening to Kodaline with your headphones.
Your gaze wanders automatically over to Jimin, listening to the lyrics and comparing them to your own life so far. He had changed you the past few days. You smoked weed. You made out with a guy. The thing is, you didn’t mind it at all. It was different than the world you were born into, different than the secret kisses you shared with some of your friends so far. You were so lost in your own thoughts that you didn’t even notice Jimin's gaze. Your heart cramps as you see his sad expression and the frown he is wearing. You didn’t want to see him suffering, wanted him to be happy. The music touches your insides, the bottom of your heart, and suddenly, you were able to feel anything. Closing your eyes, you allow to let your mind sink deeper into the music and away from Jimin.
“Y/N, don’t act like you’re sleeping now. I’m not that stupid, if you don’t want to talk, then leave it. But don’t ignore me.” You haven't noticed that Jimin was now sitting next to you, but you had so many questions to ask that you needed to talk to him. Sighing, you sat up and started to chew on your chapped bottom lip, biting onto the dead skin and pulling it off. You didn’t want to start talking, but also didn’t want to give him another reason to be mad.
“’m sorry, Jiminie,” you mumbled, not daring to look up at him. He just looks down at you, confused but grinning. “We nearly fucked and all you’ve gotta say is that you’re sorry? You’re so brave, angel.” You roll your eyes in annoyance and stand up, walking to your desk, simply trying to get more distance in between you. Jimin just groans, holding your wrists and pulling you back into his chest. “No, Y/N. We really need to talk. Not even a junkie like me could forget about this”, he looks at you with his big brown eyes and you furrowed your eyebrows. What did he say? Junkie? All he does is smoke weed, just like most teens would. “Jimin..” He just shakes his head at you.
“I’m talking. You sit down so I can start. You don’t really know how fucked up I am, angel. Why I landed here. Y’know, in the past, I drank a lot, but I always hated the aftermath. I thought weed would be the best option. Well, I got kicked out of high school ‘cause I was always stoned, never came to school and didn’t do anything. Well and because I fucked one of the teachers, but never mind that. I tried to experience everything, especially with my sexuality. I had lots of meetings with my clique where we all just fucked. Girls, boys, girls, girls, boys, boys. Name it, I had it. Y’know, sex with guys… It’s just so different and I preferred it over girls, but since I saw you, it seemed to change again.”
“Anyways, my mom found out what I was doing, so she sent me into some kind of drug cleanse camp ‘because she wanted me to get off the weed. In the camp, I met this guy which had lots of pills and ‘cause we couldn’t smoke, we took those instead. We swallowed one trip after another and when I came home, I never stopped. Of course, I had to tell my friends about it and soon we started to take whatever pills. One day, we didn’t get the effect we wanted to, so one of us brought cocaine and crack. I took coke too often, my nose never stopped bleeding and I had lots of problems breathing because it was completely crusty. I never dared take crack tho, I knew how the junkies looked like and I didn’t want to end up like them.”
“When my best friend’s grandma came into the hospital ‘cause of cancer, she got lots of morphine and fentanyl plasters to help her pain. Well, he stole them. We were one step closer to our end. I took coke to party and fentanyl to calm down afterward. Namjoon, my best friend, he was almost like a brother, then brought H to us. He smoked it through a Dr. Pepper can, of course, we knew what he was doing. Just a few days later, I found him dead because some fucking idiot sold him dirty H. Ever since I stopped doing most drugs except for weed.”
His gaze finally met yours and you could tell he was afraid to see your reaction. You couldn’t help but hug him, letting some of your tears break free and give him the warmth he had probably missed forever. But now you knew what you wanted, him, his life. To experience exactly what he had experienced.
You haven’t said anything the past few minutes, so you had to clear your throat before starting to talk. “Jimin, I… I don’t know what to say or how to react. I mean, it’s great you didn’t do hard drugs, what happened to your friend... It would’ve broken anyone. You stayed strong, that’s what counts. I guess nothing bad can happen when you’re just smoking weed. Besides that, I’m with you now and you know, I’m sorry. I mean, I enjoyed this kissing situation, but it was one of my first times kissing a guy. I am not experienced. My parents always taught me it’s a sin to do anything like this before marriage. I really didn’t want to hurt you, I just didn’t know how to react, okay? Maybe we could just take things slow, yea?” You rubbed circles on his back, trying to calm both of you down.
“Sure, angel, it’s your decision, I’m just glad you accept me the way I am. I just acted like this ‘cause I thought you’d like it too. I mean, you obviously did, but I guess next time I’ll ask before just attacking you, I’m not the devil, y’know?” Jimin chuckles and to you, it sounded like heaven. He doesn’t usually laugh, besides his usual cocky smirk, and it really made you happy to be the one that could cheer him up. “Am I even allowed to say the d-word in here?”
“Dunno, but you’ve had sex with boys, you’ll end up in hell anyway. By the way, were you a top or bottom?”, you laughed, but still curious about the man in front of you and all the secrets he still had to share with you.
“Ouch, angel, that hurt. Would you really consider me being a bottom? But it would be a shame to waste the half-smoked joint, would you please finish it with me, my lady?” How could anyone ever say no to this beautiful man? You shake your head, laughing before grabbing the glimstick between your lips. You decided to stay in bed the entire day, smoking and kissing here and there, being lost into each other and the stories both of you had to tell until you fell asleep curled into each other.
The next weeks went by much quicker than anyone would’ve thought, exams came and went by, there weren’t lots of lessons Jimin and you spent clean, but your pocket money couldn’t buy you as much weed as you soon needed, which brought you to different kinds of medicine to keep you high enough. This way, you took antidepressants to get rid of your lows.
The time came where you were already taking pills for breakfast, just to ‘survive boring lessons’, to get through the morning before smoking your first joint for lunch. Jimin and you were never arguing, just laying in bed, making out and whispering sweet words to each other. You haven’t had sex yet, you just weren't ready for it and Jimin accepted it. He was just a generous boyfriend, taking care of his angel. You knew you loved him, but sometimes your mind wanders off to his past, high thoughts running through your head.
Jimin kissing other guys, while you were alone in your room.
Jimin fucking other girls, because you weren't ready for him.
Jimin cumming into other guys and girls, because you couldn’t fulfill his needs.
Of course, you knew you weren’t in a serious relationship so far, Jimin always said those don’t really exist between stoners, but you didn’t want other people to fuck the guy you were currently hooking up with. You were never the jealous type, but Jimin was supposed to be yours. In his opinion, he could do whatever he wants with other boys and girls, but as soon as you even dared to look at some boy in class, he would get angry and stop talking to you for the rest of the day, leaving you behind in your shared room. Especially those days where the meds weren’t enough to share, you were just angry at each other but would end up in bed, kissing and apologizing in between.
Those days, you liked to say that you were independent. Today, you can only laugh about this tragedy that was happening, because all you felt wasn’t real. You were just in love with the drugs he gave you.
But what do people always say? You learn through experience. And sometimes you need to fall, face down on the ground to realize that.
Part 03 x EPIPHANY
“Yes, mum, I’m fine, but I really can’t come home these holidays. What? Oh, yeah, I need to learn so much, exams are coming up and I want to pass this year. No, I don’t miss any lessons, studying just became a bit harder. Yes, I’m learning a lot with Jimin, he’s really good at Maths and Physics, he can help me a lot. Yes, I’ll tell him, mum. Love you too.”
You hated lying to your mother, but what else were you supposed to say? “Hi mum, I can’t come home ‘cause I’m kinda addicted to pills and you’d kick me out if you knew”? Nah, that wasn’t an option. So you decided to head wherever Jimin went, tagging along, spending some extra time with him.
“I don’t like that, Jimin. I hate lying to her”, you roll your eyes at the black phone screen, then looking over to your so-called boyfriend. “You needed to, babe. Now c’mon, I’ll help you forget your mother”, Jimin pulls his angel onto his lap, kissing you just like he knew you like it. Once you started to have sex, you solved every little argument with a quick fuck. Not enough weed? Sex. One of you looked at a different guy/girl? Oral. You, not being able to go home because you were high all the time? Making out and fucking again.
And you could finally understand what Jimin meant when he was saying that nothing compares to the feeling of feeling so close to someone, but you always thought that was just the side effect of all the drugs you took. You were currently lying under Jimin, feeling as his orgasm overcomes him, but not feeling anything yourself. Your thoughts were wandering to your family and friends at home and not seeing them for the next few months, missing them already. And well, thinking about that while being fucked is nothing that turns you on. Jimin rolls off of you, building another blunt, still out of breath.
“But what if she gets why I’m not coming home? I’ve never just stayed here, always went home. She’s not that stupid, Minie. Shit, she’ll know. She’ll take me off college.”
“Fuck, angel, shut up, will you? Here, take another hit, you know, everything gets better after that”, he hands you the already lit blunt, and damn, he was right.
“Fuck, Hoseok, what’s up, dude?” Jimin runs up to the tall guy, pressing his lips on top of his. You were too high to care, too high to be angry, too high to feel anything. You just stare at Hoseok, his curly red hair, brown eyes and the slight stubble on his chin and cheeks. His eyes had lost their glow, his skin was red and oily.
“Hobi, this is my girlfriend, Y/N. Angel, this is Hobi, my best friend.” And his best friend was very attractive, not gonna lie. “Hey.” You weren't interested in small-talk, nibbling on the skin around your blue nail polish while staring into the woods. You had arrived at the train station a few minutes ago and Hobi was the one that was supposed to pick you up. Instead, they met at some random field, surrounded by trees and a little sea, not knowing why. You were tired, hungry and somehow not in the mood for anyone besides Jimin. “Y/N, isn’t there some nickname for you? Y’know, I’d love to call you something special. Like a street name, Y/N doesn’t fit your new self. Like…Diamond.” You roll your eyes, huffing. “Do I look like a stripper? Use my real name or don’t talk to me at all.”
Hobi laughs. “Damn, baby girl is feisty. Mhh, I kinda like that. Baby Girl.” Now it was Jimin's turn to step him, growling. “Don’t. Call. Her. Babygirl. She’s mine.” The red-haired boy stepped aside, hands up in defense. “Okay, okay, J. Y/N is it, Y/N it stays. Let the little pumpkin live a little. PUMPKIN IT IS!” He held his hand out to high five the young couple, but neither of you made a move, instead, rolling your eyes in annoyance. "You're too affectionate, Hobi."
"He is, but you used to call me marshmallow, Jimin. Remember? That one sucked too", you smirked.
You walk a few steps away, throwing some pills into your mouth and swallowing them dry, exploring the bit of nature you were able to see. “Throw those away, Pumpkin. I’ve got something better, here you go”, Hobi stopped beside you, holding out his hand. You gave him the most bored glare you had to offer but open your hand as well. He handed you a little paper, Cheshire from Alice in Wonderland printed on it. “Put it on your tongue, have fun on your adventure, it’s a pleasure meeting you, Pumpkin.” Hobi winks at you, while you look over at your boyfriend who had a knowing grin plastered on his face. Shrugging your shoulders, you do as you were told and kept on walking deeper into the woods, wanting to spend your trip alone.
You don't know what was on that paper, but you felt better than you ever did. Laying on a neon green field, the flowers were so colorful you couldn’t stare at them without squinting your eyes. The sky was super bright, the sun smiled at you so beautifully that you couldn’t help but smiling back at it. You didn’t want to stand up, but you wanted to explore the entire forest, maybe even talking to some deer and bunnies. Oh, and you wanted to be with Jimin so bad. Where was he? Probably with Hobi, which you can't deny, was wonderful. Yeah, you liked him.
“Fuck, angel. Why are you laying on these branches? We’ve been searching for you the entire day, and why the fuck are you smiling at me?” Jimin seemed to be angry, but you didn’t care. You wanted to dance, swing around, listen to music. You couldn’t do that in the woods, but still had the urge
“Babe, can we go clubbing? I really, really want to dance, but there’s no music here. I want to drink alcohol. Whoop, you’ve turned me into such a bad girl, you should spank me for that.” You laughed while twirling around your boyfriend, dancing like you were the happiest person on earth, which causes Jimin to generously smile before narrowing his eyebrows. “I shouldn’t just spank you, I should handcuff you to the bed and torture you, angel. But not now. And we can’t go clubbing in the woods, c’mon, let’s get you out of here. Hobi, what did you give to her?” You got bored of their conversation, so you kept walking, not caring about what Hoseok actually gave you.
A couple of hours later, you were sitting in some house full of Jimin's and Hobi's friends. Whatever Hobi gave you, you felt nothing of it anymore, the effect was completely gone, and you were on your daily low. You decided to sit outside, curling up in front of some creek and watching the water flowing, not caring about the party, just waiting for Jimin to look after you.
“Yo, Pumpkin, why don’t you come inside? The last few lines are gone and I have the last bag of the good stuff saved. I’m sure you don’t wanna spend time with Jiminie-pabo when you’re sober, c’mon in.” Hoseok pats your shoulder before running back inside, your sad body following him. As soon as you were inside, you immediately see Jimin, his freshly dyed peachy mop of hair bent over the table, a rolled Dollar in his nose, snorting whatever is on the table. Raising your eyebrow, you remember him telling you he’d only do weed and pills, him snorting coke was nothing you wanted to see. You grew nervous, not knowing what he’d be like on this high, so you kept watching the situation before sitting down next to one of his handsome friends, ending up with another rolled Dollar in your hand.
Seconds later, your nose burnt, but the feeling went away soon enough to be replaced by a sudden high. You felt like the queen of the clouds, not being able to sit still. “What are we even doing here? Let’s go celebrate our lives!” Dragging a happy looking Jimin with you, everyone went to a house party in the neighborhood where one line followed another, you didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to feel small again.
“Jimin, I fucking love you. I’m so happy we came here.” You were dancing like a 70-year-old couple, holding each other tight, his head laying on top of yours. “Mh, love you too, angel. Want to feel ya, c’mon upstairs”, he mumbles into your ear while grabbing your hand and leading you into the first empty bedroom, closing the door. Of course you ended up fucking. You were on top of Jimin, riding him because he had no strength left to pound into you like usual, both of you coming to your highs before Jimin fell asleep underneath his angel.
Suddenly, the walls started to move towards you, the room getting tinier. “Minie, can you see that? Minie? Jimin!” You panicked, probably the drugs, probably your paranoia, but Hoseok was soon next to your naked body. “Calm down, Pumpkin. Breathe. Jimin is just sleeping, let him be, don’t miss the party! C’mon!” He gave you another mouth full of pills which you swallowed without even asking. You then put the blanket over Jimin before getting dressed, suddenly feeling pumped again. Hobi was right, the party has just started, why not enjoy it then?
So you left Jimin sleeping in this room, went downstairs and have been dancing ever since. You can’t even remember, with whom you danced, don’t even know their names. At first, you kept standing in the doorframe, watching the crowd but after what seemed like an eternity, some red-haired girl with lots of cute freckles came up to you, grabbing your hand and laid it onto her naked breasts. She was naked like most of them, her bright green eyes watching you carefully. You couldn’t stop staring at her beautiful body, her face and those bright pink lips. Neither of you used words, the only thing that the unknown girl did, was intertwining your hands and leading you into the group of people.
Another girl went straight towards you, this time pale with brown locks, but still as beautiful as the other one. She kinda reminded you of how your religion teacher always described Eve. It felt like it was your destiny to go down on those girls, enjoying and praising the female body like the garden of Eden. The only problem you had, was which of those girls to kiss first, Eve or the fairy-like goddess? As if it took you too long, they took the situation in their hands and started to undress you first, while some other person took advantage of your lips. All you felt was stubble and rough hands, but you didn’t want to know more about this person. Getting lost in a wild tongue fight, saliva soon dribbling down your chin, your kiss came soon to an end. As you opened your eyes, the guy was nowhere to be seen. On the other hand, you didn’t know what he looked like, so you didn’t know whom to search.
Your eyes scanned the crowded room, people getting off together, you're somewhat jealous about the open minded atmosphere. Your hands slowly trailed their way down your now naked stomach, two fingers lightly pressing down onto your clit, making you squirm and you can't help but let out a strangled moan. This situation was more than just a turn on, your pussy wet and drenched in Jimin's cum from before.
Eve and the fairy pulled you out of your thoughts when you felt their lips roaming your naked body, which lead you into closing your eyes again, fully sinking into this moment.
Plump lips sucking on your clit, tongues exploring your folds and fingertips brushing over your sensitive nipples send you to heaven. You grab Eve’s hair to hold her close to your drenched pussy, bucking your hips onto her needy tongue. The ginger girl came back with a bag full of pretty pictures printed on paper, putting one on her tongue before kissing you. You can felt it stick onto your tongue before ending the kiss and swallowing what was left in your mouth before smirking at her.
Your kinky side set free, you quickly decided to push the fairy-like girl also on her knees and presses her face into your cunt as well. They played with each other’s tits, which caused you to come undone pretty quickly, releasing all over those pretty faces. Then, the two gorgeous women decided to lay down on the couch, eating each other out, fingering and playing with their wetness, before being overwhelmed by another orgasm. You felt like you took part in some kind of perverted porn while watching those girls lick of your wetness from each other’s faces. People around them clapped, whistled and soon you were the one on your knees, sucking different cocks and being cummed on.
The point was, you couldn’t say you disliked it. You loved the feeling of being loved by so many people, loved being the one to give all the love you had in your body to all those people who made you feel those pretty things.
It was your first orgy - and Jimin wasn't even there to take part in it.
You didn’t really know what time it was when you woke up, neither did you know where you were. You just realized your naked body, shivering – surrounded by other naked ones.
But what had woken you up was a loud scream. Someone was screaming Jimin's name. That’s when the memories hit you. Naked people, sweaty bodies. Pill after pill, line after line. Dicks in your mouth, pussies under your tongue. The women you thought were meant to be with you. Jimin’s name got louder in your ears, which lead you to stand up groggily. Looking around, you had to search your pile of clothes, but you couldn't find anything other than some extra-large shirt and your dirty panties. Cringing, you slid them on once you heard Hoseok also calling out for you.
“Y/N, hurry the fuck up.” God, why was it your fault everyone was screaming Jimin's name? You didn’t do anything to him besides letting him sleep. Okay, maybe you kind of cheated on him, but he already said, there’s no real relationship between addicts. You just wished everyone would finally shut up, a big migraine starting to pound in your head.
Hoseok wasn’t alone in Jimin's room, there were at least 7 other guys standing around him, but nobody dared to make a sound. “Fuck, I think he’s dead. We need to clean up and hurry to get out of here before the police come. Grab your stuff, Pumpkin. Why are you still standing here? Hurry!” Hoseok grabbed you by your arm, but you stepped back, looking at him with fear, your entire body shaking. Everyone around you started to run out, dressing themselves and pack their belongings, but you couldn’t move.
What did Jimin do to you? Why did you ever leave school? It was his fault that you were in this situation and he couldn’t help you out of it because he chose to be knocked out. You kept looking at him for several minutes, Hobi was already downstairs again, when you decided to finally move. Jimin's porcelain skin was even paler, dark circles burnt into the skin under his eyes, but you could see an unsteady breath in his chest. You didn’t know what to do, neither what to feel, but right now, you didn’t feel a single amount of affection towards your so-called boyfriend. Everyone was gone by now, you were alone with a dying Jimin in front of you. Well, you – of course – could call an ambulance, but you would both get arrested as soon as Jimin woke up. You could also wait another few minutes, but Jimin could be dead by then.
What did he really mean to you? Would you ever take the risk to go to jail just to save his life?
Who had you become, that you had to choose whether to save a life or not?
The past minutes you've been awake must be the longest you had been without any drugs for weeks. By now, you wouldn’t even need to take anything to change your mood, you simply didn’t feel anything. You were numb. It felt like everything was gone like Jimin never came into your life. You kept staring at him, it must have been several minutes by now, but you made your final decision.
As you walked downstairs, you took a glance into every room, frowning and about to vomit the hell out of your body. It was literally yesterday when you thought this was your dream house filled with your best friends, now it was just a disgusting place with somebody dying upstairs that once meant the world to you. You quickly grabbed your phone, automatically scrolling to your mother’s name, but before you could press the green button, you heard someone whimper from above.
Jimin was awake.
All your previous thoughts were gone as soon as you heard his voice. You began to run like you've never run before, taking two steps at a time, but you didn’t go into the room just yet. You stood in front of the door, not quite sure what to do now. You could’ve been gone by now without him knowing, could’ve started a new life.
But you decided to stay, to be there for him.
Ready to fall for Jimin again, like you always did. Sighing, you walk straight into the smelly room.
“Minie, you awake?”
“Mh, yeah. I guess. Fuck, where’s everyone? My head kills me, I need some painkillers. Wait, did I fall asleep last night? During the party?” You nod your aching head slowly, still not really looking at him. “Yes. Happens, if you drink or smoke too much shit, Jimin. Well, I thought you were mostly clean, but I learned different last night. Wow, you’re so fucking cool, Minie. Why do you always have to lie to me? Why do I always have to find out things by myself? Jimin, fuck, answer me!” You run your fingers through your knotted hair, trying to detangle some of it. Jimin, on the other hand, seems to be in his coma-like state again, leaving you angrier than ever.
“You know what? Fuck you, Jimin. Do whatever you want to do, but I’m going now. It was a mistake to be friends with you”, you let out a bitter laugh, “to even think I was in love with you. You’re dragging me down deeper and deeper every single day. Fuck, I even took part in an orgy last night! I’m heading back to school, maybe even to my parents. I’ll see you after the holidays if you’re not dead by then.”
You thought your break out would open his eyes, let him realize how important this was to you, but he just looked at you, not answering. Shaking your head, you didn’t even say goodbye, just left the room, the house and lastly the city. Left Jimin. Left anything you had so far.
Part 04 x I’M FINE
15 days and 6 hours have passed since you’ve last talked or seen each other.
He didn’t call you, you didn’t write him. It’s almost like he never existed in your life. The bed next to yours was empty, your room just smells like your own cologne and you’ve had enough time to catch all missed school work. You even began running, standing up early and meditated every night. Your life went back to normal, boring and without any action in it.
It was the 18th day, first day of school, when some guy with mint green hair that you’ve never seen before sits down next to you. In Jimin’s seat. “So, I’ve heard there was something going on between Park and you? Anyways, I thought now that he was gone, you and me,” he points to the space between you, “could do something similar. I mean, you don’t have any friends since he’s been gone, nobody wants to be alone, right?” Well, I do, I’m fine on my own, was all you thought. You had died a thousand times without Jimin, but that’s over. You were over.
“First of all, I don’t even know your name. And second, the thing between us was different, you wouldn’t understand. So, if you don’t mind”, you look back into your textbook, trying to keep up with whatever the teacher tries to explain.
“Alright, well, I’m Yoongi, just in case you were wondering. Besides that, I have the same courses you do, you’d know if you paid attention,” he grins, showing off his perfectly white teeth. “And believe me, I know what it was like between you. High, swallowing pills and drunk off fake love. But you seem to be completely clean again, princess. So, why shouldn’t I grab the chance of going out with you? Believe me, Y/N. Try to get to know me.”
His brown eyes almost beg you to agree, leaving you weak to the bones until you sigh in defeat. “Fine. What do you want to do and when?”
To be honest, all you wanted to do is head back into the comfiness of your bed, crying over your restless mind and be left alone. But on the other hand, your mind is restless because of Jimin, maybe Yoongi could be a perfect opportunity to forget about him. “How about Saturday? We could go swimming or head to a nightclub? What do you think?” You nod, writing down your number and say your goodbye as the lesson ends before heading back into your room, letting your tired body fall backward onto the mattress.
“Ouch”, you stand up again, wondering what hit your back, but scream in fear as somebody wraps their arms around your waist. You turn around quickly, eyes widening at what she saw there. Jimin was back. And he looked fucking miserable.
His cheekbones were more prominent than ever, skin so pale like the wall behind him. His body stuck in too large clothes because he got so skinny. He was slim when you were together, but now he looked like a corpse. His eyes were kind of milky, they didn’t seem to see anything. But the smile he gave you was as bright as always.
“Jimin? I mean… How? Why? What are you doing here?” You stutter, not quite sure whether to be happy or not. He opened his mouth, trying to speak, but his breath smelled so rotten that you had to back up. “Hey, angel. I’m back.” He tried to kiss you, but you couldn’t. You wouldn’t fall for him again.
“Sorry, fuck, I can’t.” You run out of your room, away from Jimin, away from your feelings.
You knew he was too weak to follow you, too high to care, so you stopped running rather quickly, not knowing where to go. Minutes later, you were standing in front of Yoongi’s door, after asking too many people how to get there and what his room number was.
Apparently, everyone knew Yoongi, though. So why didn’t you?
You were about to raise your hand to knock on the door when said man suddenly stood behind you. “Missed me already?” He smirked, watching you with curiosity written on his lips.
“What can I say? I was bored and thought why not hang out right now?” For the first time, you took your time to really check him out. His hair was longer than Jimin’s, a mop of mint green waves on top of his head. He wasn’t a giant, but he had broad shoulders and some cheeky freckles on top of his nose. His smile was polite, loving and his eyes sparkled in this deep brown that causes your heart to miss a beat.
“Sure, you wanna go out to the river? I can show you the prettiest waterfall ever. I’m going there every day to get away from the people here.” Yoongi already started walking, so you ran a few steps to be next to him, letting him lead you to this unknown place. You didn’t care where you were going, as long as Jimin wasn’t there.
You were surprised by the beauty of this place, not knowing that anything like that was hidden here. The rushing of the waterfall was so calming, the green of the grass and those colorful flowers made you smile.
“Wow, since when do you know it and why haven’t I seen this place before? It’s so…”, you begin searching for the right words, but shrug, not knowing what to say.
“Overwhelming?”, he tried to help you out. You just nodded, a smile still plastered on your bare face. “I’m running every day, always the same route through the fields. I’ve I had known about this… Wow”, you turn around, breathing in the fresh air.
“That’s how I found it. I didn’t want to run this basic route, so I ran over the fields, always turning directions until I found this. I’m glad you like it”, he places one hand on your shoulders, squeezing it gently.
“Can we walk through it? I want to know what’s behind the waterfall.” Yoongi nods, now smiling as well.
“There’s a cave behind it, I always go in there to read. C’mon.” He holds his hand out, waiting for you to grab it, and pulls you through the water directly into the waterfall. Seconds later, you were completely soaked, but standing in a beautiful cave, surrounded by nothing but the smell of salt and water. Your eyes search for Yoongi’s, hugging him tightly while mumbling a quiet “Thank you”. His eyes wander down to your lips and you know he is about to kiss you, but to your surprise you don’t mind at all, tilting your head upwards.
Yoongi tasted exactly like you always imagined a kiss to taste. It wasn’t like in those teenage love novels, he didn’t taste like strawberries and vanilla - luckily. He tasted like the ocean, like salt and a hint of fresh air. He tasted like summer – and a tiny bit like mint. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him as close as possible, forgetting about Jimin and all those memories you shared.
You just know that Yoongi is a better man.
You open your mouth, creating space for your tongues to dance against each other while your lower bodies meet, the electricity of that touch causing both of you to let out tiny moans. It was weird to kiss without being high, to actually feel something, but again, you didn’t feel like you need them with Yoongi.
You press your eyes even more shut, not trying to have Jimin’s face in your thoughts, but you failed. His smile, his eyes, and even his smell was now everything you could think of. Gasping, you jump back, looking at Yoongi in shock.
“I’m sorry, it’s just…”, you look down to your feet, guilt washing over your drenched self. You were truly sorry. Sitting down on one of the wet rocks, you pop your head down into your palms, watching Yoongi carefully, cringing over your own behavior.
“You don’t have to be, Y/N. Is It because of Park I mean, you broke up only a few weeks ago and…”, you didn’t even let him finish, you had to splurt out what was on your mind.
“Jimin is back. He was laying in my bed, but he didn’t look like Minie anymore. He was so skinny, not a tiny bit of muscles on his body. He looks like he’s rotting alive, he literally smells. Then he was about to kiss me, but I didn’t want to, so I just ran away. Straight into your arms. Wow, I’m such a mess”, you sighed while running your shaky hands through your hair, “I mean, what is he thinking of me now? I’m sure he’ll kill me with a heroin needle once I’m sleeping.” You tried to make a joke but neither of you wanted to laugh right now. Jumping up, you started to walk around, being splashed by a few water drops here and there. “I need to see what he’s doing. Maybe he’s about to kill himself!” You were about to go through the waterfall, but Yoongi holds you back, rubbing your arms to calm your breathing.
“Hey, Y/N, calm down. He won’t do anything. If he’d truly feel that bad, he wouldn’t be back at college, right? But tell me, why did you even break up?” Yoongi’s warm eyes watch you carefully while you sit down again, ready to tell him your entire story.
Once you were back in your room, clothes still wet from the waterfall, you found Jimin still laying on your bed. This time, he had your drawing in his hands. “You’ve got talent, angel.“
You stayed quiet. Jimin kept looking at you, raising a brow once he saw your wet outfit. “Where have you been? Showering with your clothes on?” He checked the time. “For about 4 hours? I waited for you, angel. I’ve got some new stuff to try.” He waves another bag around, filled with lots and lots of tiny silver packages.
By now, you’ve watched enough movies, you knew what was inside of them. Ripping the bag out of his hands, you watched the contents carefully. “What did you turn into, Jimin? You've gotten worse in these last months”, shaking your head in disappointment, you grab some fresh clothes before heading off to take a shower. Just as you reach out to open the door, a loud knock on it makes you jump. Yoongi walks in without waiting for you to even answer.
“Hey, Y/N. I thought you’d want to take a shower as well, I mean, there’s seaweed on your clothes”, his wide grin makes you smile before disdainfully looking over to Jimin. “Park, you’re back”, Yoongi simply says. Jimin just cheers his joint in Yoongi’s direction, then watching you carefully. “You’re hanging out with him? Well, we’ll see what you’re getting from that, angel”, he makes it sound like a threat, but you decided to stay strong, you had to stay strong. Shrugging your shoulders, you head out with Yoongi once again.
You showered next to each other, you in your favorite bathing suit, Yoongi in some surf shorts. He had quite a few tattoos around his chest and arms, but nothing similar to Jimin’s. “What do they mean?” you point to the artwork on his chest. It was an ox skull, a snake winding through its empty eyes surrounded by different nature symbols. You felt almost naked next to his inked skin, but he just told you that not each and every tattoo has to have a meaning. “I’m getting one tomorrow”, you blurt out before quickly stepping out of the meanwhile cold shower.
Jimin just stayed in your room, watching you leave, but not caring to stand up - you'd come back anyways. You always did.
He was thinking about anything that has happened to him in the past three weeks.
Part 05 x THE TRUTH UNTOLD
Jimin woke up with a bright migraine and dry mouth, looking around for his favorite girl.
Calling her name, he tried to get up but failed.
Damn.
His angel stands in front of the door, her hair was messy and she had dark bags under her eyes. She was alone. “Jimin, you awake?” her voice was calm, but he knew she was nervous. “Mh, yeah. Fuck, my head is about to explode. Where’s everyone? Wait, did I fall asleep during the party? Fuck.” His hands automatically hold his hurting head, trying to reduce the pain.
“Well, that comes from swallowing all those pills. I thought you were clean and stopped doing hard drugs? Why are you lying to me? Jimin, answer me!”
Why did she know all of this? What happened after he fell asleep? He tried to catch her reaction, but Jimin already knew she was pissed as fuck.
“You know what, Jimin? I’m leaving, do whatever you want. It was a mistake meeting you. You’re destroying me. I took part in an orgy last night! I’m heading back, see you after the holidays, if you don’t die by then!”
With that, he just watched her go. He let her go. Let her leave his broken life. He kept lying in this bed, not caring about the loneliness. He was just about to drift away, still too many drugs in his blood system to let him actually feel anything.
He stayed in this house the next few days, surrounded by all those people that made him the person he was. His routine kept the same: waking up, taking a trip, sitting on the couch, drink coffee, taking a trip, smoking a joint, Ritalin, Speed, sex, robbing people on the street, then sleep.
He even tried crack once, meaning he couldn’t say he disliked something he hadn’t tried.
“Park, where’s your princess? The night I spent with her was so fucking good, damn, you’re so lucky”, Liv lolls around the couch, swiping some blood off of her nose. “What do you mean?”, Jimin scans her emaciated body that looked similar to his.
There wasn’t time to eat, they had to spend their money on other things, medicaments got more expensive the longer you had to take them.
“She licked my pussy so good, but I think I don’t have to tell you about her tongue skills”, her mascara-smudged eyes winked in Jimin’s direction, while she pops herself onto Hoseok’s lap. “Hoe”, he hadn’t had any other thing to say, but calling her a hoe wasn’t even an insult. She sells her body for Heroin on a daily basis. Groaning, he stands up and motions her to follow him. “C’mon.” She laughed, but still following him into the bedroom, letting him fuck her with all the angriness left in his body.
He tries not to watch while Liv was heating up a spoon with a lighter. A toxic smell was tingling in Jimin’s nose which causes him to give in and stare at her movements. He watches over her shoulder as she ties a scarf around her arm and prepares her shot. Then, she finally injected the needle into the back of her hand, pulls some of her blood in it before shooting the entire load into her fragile body.
Her pupils turn into pins in a matter of seconds, a silent smile was placed on her chapped lips while she leaned back against his chest. Jimin’s head was on top of hers while realizing how jealous he was about her high.
“Share.”
Liv couldn’t hold her laughter back. “You sure, Pabo? You don’t want that. Sure, it’s nice. It makes you feel so free and on top of the world, but not for too long. Besides that, you know Heroin will kill you”, she rolls her eyes, “I don’t even have any left. Keep on taking your trips, some coke or crack, but nothing more. You have a life left, Jimin. Take it.” She glances at the floor, trying to hold back the tears. “You’re not as broken as we are. Don’t you remember your fucking best friend, Jimin? What has happened to Namjoon? I can’t understand how you’re still on this stuff after reliving his death over and over again. Joonie wouldn’t want that, y’know? But as soon as your angel left you, you’re all over it again. Hello? You’re snorting coke like your life depends on it. Your nose bleeds worse than mine. And look at you”, she points to his exposed body, “No single muscle left on you. I could count your rips.”
But Jimin didn’t listen at all, he just stares at the aluminum foil and the white residue on it. “Head back to college, head back to your lessons and head fucking back to Y/N!”
Y/N. Angel. Princess.
“Y/N can suck my ass, Liv. And don’t think you know anything about her, just because you’ve had one night together.” By now, he couldn’t even understand why he wanted to fuck Liv so bad. Without waiting for her reaction, he grabbed the foil, pushing her off him and snorts the last bit of Heroin crumbs that were on it. It suddenly felt like little electroshocks went through his body. Excitement, joy, happiness. Then darkness. He blacked out and once he woke up, Liv was nowhere to be seen.
He was still naked, laying on the dirty mattress covered in bleach spots. The house was empty, his mind still not clear and his stomach rumbling. He quickly puts his shorts back on before running to the bathroom, vomiting until nothing but sour water came out of his mouth. Jimin sits down in front of the toilet, waiting to regain some energy to stand up, pack his bags, and to head back to the university.
Once he arrived, he felt so misplaced not wearing his uniform. His eyes wander around, looking for Y/N, but she was nowhere to be seen.
Instead, he saw Yoongi, some guy he once hooked up with. Yoongi’s eyes lit up once he saw Jimin, but he hurried back inside. Jimin followed him, but when he found him again, he couldn’t believe what he saw. Yoongi and Y/N, talking and smiling at each other.
The blood in his veins froze to ice while he quickly grabbed some pills to pop into his mouth before looking back at his ex-girl- and boyfriend. Yoongi turns his head, watching Jimin with a smirk, before placing his hand on Y/N’s lower back, guiding her somewhere Jimin couldn’t see them anymore. Groaning, he heads back into their room, being overwhelmed by his angel’s smell, falling directly onto her bed into a deep slumber.
PART 06 x LOVE IS NOT OVER
“Tell me, do you know Jimin? It seemed like you looked pretty intimate, but he’s never talked about you. He could never know you from here, because he spent all his time with me.”
You move your feet around in the water so that they create tiny waves, while you watch Yoongi carefully. The little lake in front of the waterfall was actually big enough to take a swim in there, but the bright sun in combination with the beautiful green meadow was too tempting to not lay down and sunbathe for a while. “I don’t really know Jimin. I thought I would’ve known him”, he stops talking, swallows hardly while you wait for him to continue.
“We’re both from the same rural area, I kind of grew up with him but we would never consider each other friends. I don’t know how to describe it; do you remember when your mum made you be friends with someone because she was friends with their mother? That’s what our relationship was like as kids. We spent time together while our mothers ate cake, but we’ve never had the same interests. But when we were somewhere in between 13 and 15, we told our parents we would have a sleepover, but of course we went to our first official house party. Little Yoongi’s first contact with alcohol – you can’t imagine how bad I felt the next day”, he smiled a little, which made you smile as well, but his didn’t last.
“We were deadass drunk, but because none of the people there were actually 21, all we had was cheap beer and wine mixed with juice, let me tell you, that shit’s disgusting! Because we were so drunk, we couldn’t sleep at home, so we slept at this dude’s house. We couldn’t even close our eyes for a second without thinking we had to vomit all over the place, so we talked about serious stuff – as serious as two drunk kids could talk – and somehow, we came upon the sex-topic. Both of us haven’t had any experience, never had an actual kiss but we also didn’t want to go out unprepared. This evening ended with us practicing our kissing skills on each other, we kind of made out, had our first non-self-made orgasms.”
“We kept on doing that the entire next year until we had real sex. I was in love, for sure, but he had this weird group of friends, I guess you know them by now. Those junkies that Jimin seems to be a part of again. Back in the days he just smoked weed, but our ‘relationship’ got distant, he did anything to get more and more to smoke, one day I just wasn’t important enough for him. I was in his way because I wanted him to stop, but he broke my heart.” Yoongi’s voice got shaky, his breathing unsteady. He stayed quiet for a few minutes to collect himself while you laid your head against his shoulder, showing him that you were there. “I couldn’t stand being around him anymore, so I came here to study and I thought I’d never see him again. Then I saw him arrive a few months ago, you can’t imagine how I felt, Y/N. I thought he’d make a move on me again or he followed me to this place, but he only had eyes for you”, his voice broke, he sounded sad and dismissive. You were shocked about his sudden mood swings, but he smiled at you. “I can’t blame him, you’re beautiful, Peach. Too perfect for Jimin to ever be enough for him”, his hand caressed your cheek, while your eyes met. Soon enough, your lips met, tongues dancing against each other and minds finally not thinking about Jimin. You fall back into the soft grass and don’t even realize how soon the sun is going under and the moon is shining bright in the night sky.
Once you headed back into your room, exhausted and pretty tired, you were glad to see that Jimin was gone. His bed was messy, his duffel bag on top of it. Hesitantly, you stepped in front of it, trying to peek inside without touching it. Some of his shirts were hanging out of it, underwear and socks were just stuffed into the side pockets, this bag was a mess – Jimin wouldn’t even realize if you peeked inside of it. And if he did, what would he do about it? Determined, you kneeled down in front of it, slowly making your way through the bag to find any hints. Your hands met some bags of weed and some pills, but no Heroin or Coke, nothing.
“May I help you, angel?" Jimin’s raspy voice caused you to jump so badly that you hit your toe on the bed. "Never thought you’d be like those girls, but now you’re even searching through my bag.” Whelping, you turned around and tried to look as innocent as possible. “Mine, I… Oh, whatever”, you were tired of explaining, tired of being worried and you were fucking angry. The rage was back and you were about to spew out everything you hated about him, but you decided to stay still, sit down in front of your desk, and try to ignore him.
“Sure”, he sat down on his bed and looked at you. His eyes were tiny and red, he was high again. The sight of him made you almost tear up, so you quickly turned your head to look away.
How could someone destroy himself without even realizing?
“How’s things with Yoongi?” His voice sounded resigned and casual, why was he like this? He didn’t even notice how hurt you actually were. “Couldn’t be better, I’m happy”, you mumbled while grabbing a pencil and starting to draw.
“I’m glad he’s at least a good fuck, couldn’t leave my girl unsatisfied, y’know. Oh and I almost forgot: he’s clean. Must be totally your type, clean nerdy guy, huh? Didn’t you tell me you hated all of those people when we first met? Now you’re one of them, angel.” Your finger cramped around the pencil, pressing it onto the paper, causing wild lines to appear on it, similar to your thoughts.
“I remember it like it was yesterday when I fucked him. When he lost his virginity to me. Back in the days, I thought he was totally into girls”, he laughed his beautiful laugh, almost tempting you to give in, wouldn’t his words hurt you so much, “until I had my dick deep down his ass and he realized how nice of a fuck I am.”
“Jimin, why-“
“Did you fuck already? Do you know what kind of sick games he likes to play in bed? Well, I would’ve never thought that of him, luckily we had enough trust into each other to try out anything. I hope same goes out to you, you tend to really easily trust people, I mean you even took part in an orgy, I mean… Wow. You shouldn’t have difficulties with him then”, he examines your appraising.
You quickly grab your headphones, trying to get lost in your favorite Spotify-Playlist. A few moments passed in silence, just you and your music, while your drawing was about to be completed.
You jumped out of your chair as your felt Jimin’s lips on your neck, his hands trembling your chest. An involuntarily growl left your throat, while your stomach began to tingle. “Fuck, Park”, you turned around to him, grabbing his by his throat and pressing him against the nearest wall. “What’s your fucking problem?”
“Not having you, that it my problem. Losing you to Yoongi is killing me.”
You snort, interrupting him. “Your fucking Heroin-addiction is what really kills you, you fucking bastard!”
“And letting you leave, that’s my biggest problem. I will forever regret letting you go because I know I’ll never find someone that loves me like you did. Nobody that…”
You interrupted him. This time to press your lips against his. Losing your grip on his throat to grab a fistful of hair, tugging him closer. Your other hand roams his bony chest underneath his shirt, making him breathe in sharply.
“Fuck”, his words gave you goosebumps, but a clapping noise behind you causes you to step apart. Yoongi was standing right behind you.
“Yoongi, I…”
“It’s alright, Y/N. I know how good Jimin’s acting skills are, they got even better since I last met him.” Then your somehow-boyfriend’s fist bash against the-guy-you-still-kinda-love’s jaw – which left you kind of overwhelmed with the entire situation.
You did what your instincts told you, you hadn’t had enough time to think through it, so you tried to catch Yoongi’s next fist – which of course hit you directly in the stomach. Coughing, your legs gave in and you sunk into the ground. “Fuck, Yoongi…”, your chest heavily rising, you glanced up at the dudes. Both pairs of eyes were watching you in fear, both prettier than the other. Even Jimin’s matte, stump eyes would never lose their beauty. The only difference between them was their expressions.
Your current boyfriend seemed to be shocked, somehow even angry.
The guy you still have feelings for watched you in admiration, full of respect and awe – something you haven’t seen in a long time.
“What the fuck, Y/N? You’re defending him? This son of a bitch broke you, remember? You can be glad to be out of the thing you two had!”
“Don’t listen to him, angel. You know we’re meant for each other. You love me as much as I love you, I can really stop doing drugs, I would do it for you. Cold Turkey, from now on.”
“Oh, really? I feel like I’ve heard that before. And where are you now, hm? Eyes like pins, veins filled with poison. Do you really want Y/N to live that life? You’re destroying her just like you’re destroying yourself. If you really love her, you’ll leave her.”
You were still laying on the ground, listening to every spoken word. Trying to process what was happening, watching each of their faces in fear. You waited for Jimin to answer, tears starting to form in your eyes. “Why don’t we leave the decision to our angel? It is her choice whom to love, if she really wants to love a fucked up junkie, you can’t change that. C’mere, angel.” Jimin pats his thigh, smiling at you lovingly, making your heart melt.
“Y/N, you know what’s best for you. A world with a future in it, maybe smoking weed here and there, but not being addicted to all the toxic stuff”, now Yoongi’s hand was ready for you to grab – and you had to make a decision. You shook her head at both of them, grabbing your jacket instead and heading out of the room without choosing one of the guys – you had to think and you had to be alone for it.
Once you came back, the room was empty as always. Sighing, you fell onto the bed, trying to find a comfy position and listen to the howling wind while drifting into a dreamless sleep.
“Oh, fuck, angel, keep on going”, a raspy voice next to you opens your eyes but you soon realize it was Jimin, laying on his bed, eyes closed and lips parted. His chest was heavily rising while there was a prominent bulge visible in his shorts. “You look so fucking hot, kneeling in front of my cock, c’mon, take it”, his hand wanders down to his erection while you couldn’t help but watch. Was he really having a wet dream about you? It was pointless to ignore that you were soaking wet by now. Your last time having an actual orgasm was back when you were still together. It was just normal for you to be horny as fuck.
As soon as Jimin’s hand was wrapped around his cock, you lightly caressed your folds, collecting all your juices and rubbing them over your clit. A quiet moan escaped your lips which made your press your free hand over your mouth. You were still watching him, copying his movements, panting louder than before.
“Fuck, repeat that, angel. Fuck, yes.” Gasping, Jimin cums all over his own hand and his abs, while you couldn’t hold it back anymore and coming undone as well. You were still watching him, trying to catch your breath, but he was still asleep, even smiling a bit now. But you knew your night was over, so you stood up and decided to have a shower to really wake up and maybe get a free mind out of it.
Even days later, you still couldn’t decide between Jimin and Yoongi, you even tried to avoid both of them. You saw Yoongi during your classes but didn’t respond to his longing glances. Jimin’s and your room kept quiet until midnight when Jimin decided to come home to sleep. Both were trying to catch your attention with loving gestures, you got flowers from Yoongi and each morning a lovely joint from Jimin.
You knew you couldn’t avoid your decision much longer – neither to hurt your lovers nor hurt yourself. It strained your nerves to stand between two fronts. Sure, you liked Yoongi, he was nice and thoughtful, always listened to your problems and distracted you from Jimin, but he was kind of boring. Jimin on the other hand was the spirit that burnt your insides. You loved him and you knew that, but he was a dangerous person. But what was it you were looking for? Harmony and a daily routine or rather the charm of danger? Something that kept you alive but didn’t excite you or something that gave your life sense, but could end it decades earlier?
You saw Jimin and Yoongi wherever you went, everyone in the smoker’s corner looked like Minie, your gym class was full of boys like Yoongi, wearing tight shirts that show off their biceps. But none of them were really like those two. And you were still lonely like you were before. But this time, you didn’t enjoy it at all.
Days came and went by. Days where you wanted to be held, wanted affection but didn’t want to cheat on either of them. When you wanted to cuddle Yoongi, you would want to kiss Jimin. When you wanted to kiss Yoongi, you would want to make out with Jimin. When you wanted to make out with Yoongi, you wanted Jimin to fuck you.
You compared your possibilities with them, a future would be easier with Yoongi, you could finish college and move in with him, marry him and have his children. You wouldn’t have this opportunity with Jimin, you didn’t even know if he’d be still alive after college. You wouldn’t be able to afford a house if he keeps taking drugs.
Of course, you thought about making Jimin take part in a drug withdrawal. Cold Turkey. No medicine, just pure pain. He could do that for you. For your future. He promised you. He loved you. Yoongi wouldn’t take any risk for you, his life was perfect. He didn’t need anything to hold on to survive. Jimin did, in fact, need you. You were his anchor, his lifesaver. He needed you. And so you decided against Yoongi, for Jimin, for your future, for your love.
Yoongi,
I can’t talk to you face to face, that’s why I’m writing this letter for which you’re maybe going to hate me. But I’m promising you, I won’t let you suffer. I know, you might be right. I might regret my decision, but I had to make it. I think we both knew it from the beginning. All three of us knew. I’m sorry. It’s breaking my heart to tell you that I chose Minie. Can I even call it a decision if both ways break my heart?
Yoongi, I’ve never had so much fun before, you made the last weeks such a pleasure for me. I think you brought up feelings I’ve never felt. Maybe even love. But nevertheless, Jimin needs me. I know you’ll find someone else quickly, you’re such an amazing person. Your future girl won’t destroy you like I would’ve, you’ll have the perfect future together which I may not even have. You’ll be happy, Yoongi.
Don’t cry after me, don’t be sad, you’ve earned someone better. Don’t think I didn’t love you, somewhere deep
inside me is a spot just for you. But it’s too small to change anything.
Do something with your life. For me. For yourself.
You didn’t even give Yoongi the letter yourself. You were way too scared of him changing your mind. But after you knew he received it, he never talked to you again. You waited on top of her bed, drawing and listening to music until the door opened. You got quite anxious while Jimin walked into the room and let himself fall into his own bed, not giving you any attention.
“Hey.”
You didn’t know what else to say, but he didn’t mind to answer anyways.
“How are you? Don’t you wanna come back to our classes?” Damn, what kind of bullshit were you actually talking about? “Okay, mom.” Stubborn and dismissive like always. “Call me mom once again and I won’t be able to hold myself back, baby”, you tried to loosen up the mood, but he didn’t even laugh.
“Okay, sorry”, then he stood up and walked out of the room, leaving you alone and you were already close to giving him up again.
One night, Jimin came back quite early and didn’t seem to be as high as he used to be. Without hesitating, you tried to take her chance, slipping under his blanket and hugged his body. “I chose you, you know that, right?“ He didn’t look at you, but didn’t remove your arms either. “Jimin, I told Yoongi that I love you. I want to be there for you, want to be your anchor.” Jimin just snorts.
“Can you just shut up, Y/L/N? I’m so tired of your crying. I know you chose me, but you did because you felt guilty. Do you understand that I don’t need your help? God, just go to Yoongi and live the life you want, I don’t even have a future, I’m letting myself live for another year then I’m gonna die anyway.” You were about to say something, but he just shakes his head,
“Just let it be, angel. I’m fine, really.”
Their door opened and you automatically skid, turning your head to the new arrival in the door frame. You thought it was Yoongi but you couldn’t remember that face at all.
“Y/N, that’s Taehyung, but everyone calls him Tae. Hey, Babe”, he stands up and walks over to Tae, kissing him in front of you.
You were either going to cry or to vomit, but smiled for them. “I’m glad you found someone and completed our relationship. Good luck you two”, you clap Jimin’s shoulder before heading out, leaving the campus and walking straight into some corner of the city you came to every single day a few weeks ago. You bought some of the pills you used to take and swallow a few of them on your way home.
Your eyes were already closing as you come back into your room, so you just let yourself fall under your blankets without even taking your pants off. You didn’t care about them. But what you actually did care about were those noises coming from Jimin’s bed. You turn your head once again, just to see Jimin and Taehyung. Tae on top of him, his tattooed arms next to Jimin’s head, a thin layer of sweat on both of their foreheads. “Fuck, Jimin”, Taehyung moans. Jimin didn’t respond, his mouth hung open and his eyes were closed. They didn’t even realize they weren’t alone anymore. You, on the other hand, decided not to disturb them, swallowing two more pills before dozing off into a deep sleep.
PART 07 x SO FAR AWAY
“Fuck, babe, keep on going”, muscular arms were wrapped around your waist while you move your hips in a steady rhythm. Deep growls and moans leave the mouth underneath yours, sweat dripping from your forehead on his chest while his nails were dragging lines across your body.
Soon enough you collapsed on top of him while gasping for air. You laid your head on his muscular chest, long fingers were brushing through your hair. Moments later, you were under the shower to wash off the typical sex smell, just to head back to class, to sit next to Jimin, to ignore him and to keep on flirting with his affairs best friend. You really gave up on Jimin, were living your own life and share your bed with Jeongguk. He was currently winking in your direction while biting his lip to hide a smile. Laughing, you shake your head and flip him off, making Jimin groan in annoyance.
“Jealous?”, you smile. “Dream on, I’ve got the hotter friend.”
Even though you weren’t really a couple, Jeongguk and you spent most of your free time together. You couldn’t help it, once he opened his mouth you were lost in his accent. Jeongguk and Taehyung were from Busan, their moms sent them to this college because they had a similar past to Jimin's. Even if you weren't spending time with him, you were ongoing high.
Jeongguk had the best connections to get the best drugs in here, Dope, Weed and even Shore. You were easily happy with trips and weed, but Jimin didn’t seem to mind Tae's stash of opiates. He changed, resembling a corpse more and more each day. Pale, skinny and no expression left in his eyes. You were slowly starting to regret breaking up with Yoongi for him because the only feeling you had left for Jimin was hate.
Back in your room you saw Jimin and Taehyung with a rolled banknote in their hands and blood dripping noses. You just snort while sitting down at your desk to study, trying to get done with everything as fast as possible to get out of this hell, to move away from the person that destroyed you. Away from Park Jimin.
“C’mon, don’t act that dumb! It’s just maths, how can you not understand anything from that? I even understand that stoned!” Taehyung shakes his head while fanning the math book in front of your face. Jeongguk sits next to him and rolls his eyes. “Not everyone can be a math pro like you, brother. Be patient with my girl or I’m telling your mom that you’re on H again”, Jeongguk smiles at his friend whose face got directly softer.
“Sorry, Kookie. Okay, again. What haven’t you understood so far, Y/N? Do you know how to get to the scalar product?” You nod while thinking about this awkward situation. Tae was trying to help you with your math problem, while his best friend was sitting next to you, sometimes stealing a kiss from you. Jeongguk made you ask Taehyung to tutor you, just to spend more time with him and to get to know him better. Even though you'd prefer Jeongguk teaching you, Taehyung wasn’t too bad. If he wouldn’t be with Jimin, you could maybe even like him.
“Good luck, Y/N. It’s gonna be the last exam, after that we’re getting wasted!”
4 ½ hours later you were sitting at the lakeside, beer in your hands and smiles on your faces. “Fuck, we made it”, Jeongguk laughs while taking a deep sip. “Not yet, babe. Exams, yes. Results, no. But for now, that’s it, you’re right”, he kissed your cheek while emptying his bottle. “Thank you too, Tae. I thought I had to hate you ‘cause of Jimin, but you really helped me. If I didn’t have Jeongguk, I’d maybe hook up with you”, you laughed while checking him out.
Taehyung smirks. “Don’t worry about Jimin, he doesn’t give a fuck about relationships. We’re just fucking, but I wouldn’t want to love him.”
You raise your eyebrow, almost feeling like you had to defend Jimin. But right at that moment, he was weaving in your direction and letting himself fall next to Taehyung who rolls his eyes and smirks at you before pressing his lips onto Jimin's.
“I can’t wait to finally be away from you! For fuck’s sake. I won’t need to share my fucking room with you disgusting bitch!” Wildly gesticulating, Jimin screams the wildest names at you. The reason for your argument was obvious: drugs.
Jimin doesn’t smoke weed or swallows trip after trip anymore, but he’s snorting Coke like there’s no tomorrow – more and more gravitating to take Meth and Heroin.
You came fresh out of the shower, a towel wrapped around your body, hair dripping onto the floor, when you saw Jimin sitting on his bed – with a Crack-pipe in his left hand, a lighter in his right. The window was opened as if he would want the toxic gases to leave the room. Unnecessary, of course.
The entire room smelt like Jimin, his attacks of sweating and the drugs he took. Even the curtains smellled like weed.
“Crack, are you fucking serious? You dumb idiot, you know how addicting that is?” In moments like that, you get all moral and sit down next to him. “Minie, please. Even if you hate me that much – you still mean the world to me. I love you and I can’t keep on watching you destroy yourself.”
Jimin, on the other hand, gets angry all the time about this topic. “I mean something to you? I overheard you and Tae, that you would hook up with him if you haven’t had Jeon. The fuck? Just shut up, Y/N.”
“I was drunk, that’s it. He tutored me – I would’ve never said something like that if I was sober. I mean, I’ve got Jeongguk – the hotter one. Besides that; why are you with Tae? Because you love him? Because you want to build a future with him? Boy, you’re into his drugs, that’s it. You won’t have a future, half a year from now at the latest you’ll be dead. The drug-cocktail you’re enjoying too much will eat you alive. Don’t you smell yourself? Don’t you look at yourself? How much weight have you lost since we broke up? 20 pounds? 40? You’re nothing but a skeleton that smells rotten. Your hair is matted, your cheeks hollowed. Can I be honest, Jimin? I’m glad it’s over. I’m glad we don’t talk anymore and that I didn’t fall down the rabbit hole. And I truly hope that we’re never going to see each other after that”, by now, you were in full rage mode, throwing the pipe out of his hand and screaming a “And I won’t come to your fucking funeral!” at him before grabbing your headphones to watch some Netflix in bed. You open another window to not breathe in his drug-fumes.
About half an episode of The Vampire Diaries later, someone ripped the headphones out of your ears and she was thrown onto her back, Jimin laying on top of you, his eyes almost glowing from anger. “Do you really think you can talk to me like that? You were nothing to me besides a lapdog to have fun with. And even if I look that destroyed, that rotten, you still think I’m attractive. You would take every chance to fuck me again, just to bring back the ‘good old times’. Angel, you chose Jeon just because I found someone else”, his knee finds its way between your legs while you moan in protest, making Jimin smirk. “You’re missing the danger in your life, Jeon is a nobody, he can’t give you adrenaline, he can’t give you action or passion.”
His stubbly chin strokes your neck, your hands automatically balling into fists, but you don't fight him. Don't tell him to stop. His rough hands find their way under your shirt, caressing your ribs and giving you goosebumps. Soon enough, the shirt was laying on the floor, followed by your leggings. Jimin's lips follow the softness of your stomach while you were still laying underneath him, turned on but scared at the same time.
“Jimin, that’s doing nothing to me. I’m not turned on, I despise you”, you move and try to get away from him, but he was still stronger than you.
One of his large hands finds your wrists and pins them above your head. The other one was stroking your cheeks, your neck, and your breasts, down to your thong before pulling it down. He grins, seeing your wetness trickling down in between your thighs, your smell making him go wild. Once he sticks out his tongue to teasingly lick soft stripes up your aching core, your self-control was gone. You grab his hair to shove him towards your cunt, drowning him in your juices and making him drink up whatever leaves your body. Jimin didn’t seem to care, his free hand was tight around his cock, rubbing and stroking himself while bringing you closer to an end. Once you came, you pushed him off and put your clothes back on, not caring about him or his orgasm at all before leaving the room without looking back.
You didn’t even care about what had happened, but you didn’t tell Jeongguk either. For being his lapdog, Jimin got turned on really quick once he had his tongue on your pussy. Stupid idiot. But the only thing you thought about was revenge – and you already knew how to get it.
Jimin hasn’t been in your room the next couple days and you've had enough time to go through his belongings, lay down on his bed and smoke his weed – that he ‘didn’t smoke anymore’. There were about five bags filled with beautiful flowers in his nightstand and you didn’t hesitate to grind and smoke them in Jimin's pipe. It has to be the stuff that Jai had brought him. It didn’t take lots of drags to feel the calming sensation and the puffiness of your eyes. You laughed while letting yourself fall back on his bed and to cuddle his pillow, still smelling like Jimin.
You began to think about everything, about your feelings for Jimin, for Jeongguk and you even thought about Yoongi a couple of times. Then you thought about why you hated Jimin so much.
You had admired him for so long, you would’ve died for him if he had asked.
But now?
Anger, Fear, and Anxiety. The fear of him replacing you with drugs. Or the fear of him dying without any chance of saying goodbye. The fear of being alone even though you were the one to break up with him. But he didn’t seem to care, he was alright, maybe even better than when he was with you. But you know that neither of you could ever feel complete without the other one.
You gave up so much for Jimin, but he never cared. Your grades got worse, you broke up with Yoongi and you were consistently lying to your parents about everything.
But what did you get from it?
You were still alone, Jimin was fucking Taehyung and you were worrying about his death every single day because you were still in love with him. And even if you couldn’t convince him to go to therapy, you’d want to spend his last time together with him.
God damn, you know he loves you as well. Tears were running down your cheeks, droplets falling onto his pillow and you realize the down of the high has arrived. Desperate for more, you were searching through his drawer for something more, something that could lift you up again. Maybe to find something that would lift you up on the same level with Jimin. Then you’d be reunited again. It would be only you. Not even Taehyung could keep up with them.
You peer over to his pipe, still laying on the nightstand and the Ice that was still in his drawer. Somehow, you knew it was the only opportunity to get to him.
Your hands were shaking as you opened the small bag and placing some of the clear crystals onto the pipe that you didn’t even bother to clean. Weed and Ice have to work together. You take a small drag before exhaling frantically, the fear somewhat still in your mind.
“Don’t be a wimp”, you scold yourself before placing the pipe back between your lips and holding the flame of the lighter against the Ice. It felt like the fumes got right into your bloodstream and your head felt like a rollercoaster. You smirked, followed by a loud laughter before repeating the process once more. You feel the adrenalin and hope for Jimin to come back sooner, to get high with you, to love you, to admire you.
You know that your relationship just got onto a whole new level and there wouldn’t be anything that could separate you from now on.
Your love was devastating, you would die for each other. You were almost angry that Jimin wouldn’t want to share that amazing experience with you, so you inhale once more, trying to get the double amount of fun. Mischievously grinning, you put everything back onto its original place before opening the window and watching the birds outside. God damn, life was good.
PART 08 x MAKE IT RIGHT
Jimin felt like he was captured in this room.
He couldn’t live with his angel without feeling like someone ripped his heart apart.
You think he wouldn’t be able to think straight; that his brain was destroyed by all the drugs he took. But Jimin knows better. Since he took all the drugs, he had a clear mind, no demons in his head that were trying to interrupt his thoughts. He didn’t believe you talking about him being the love of your life – he knows everyone hates him.
You were clean, you did it.
You broke free. And now you see him like every clean person sees junkies. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what he looked like. The thing is, he wasn’t hungry anymore and he didn’t want to waste time just to eat. He showered every single day, maybe even twice, but he was sweating pure venom, pure drug-smell coming straight from his pores. He smelt just like the other junkies.
You thought Crystal would be the dead-end, but Jimin was way deep down the hole. He took Heroin, not smoking it but shooting it straight into his veins. IV. Death in a needle.
There are plenty of human beings that consume Heroin their entire life without you being able to recognize that, Jimin thought he was one of them. He shot H for about 2 years now, he had days where he didn’t need any – when he was with his angel -, but most of the time, he shot once or twice a day.
Of course, he lied to you. Sure, he could go for a Cold Turkey just to be with you, but to be honest: Who would quit Heroin as long as there’s good stuff out there and there’s enough money to buy it?
He would never.
Not even for you.
Not for billions on his bank account.
He didn’t want to fight you. He wants to keep on loving you, but he couldn’t fight for you. Maybe you could accept him that way, accept his drug use and his lies.
One night, Jimin came home late again, he decided to apologize, trying to get you all soft for him again. But when he came through the door, his “Listen, princess” kept sticking in his throat. The smell of weed lingers in the air, mixed with something else. His angel was laying on his bed, smiling like an idiot, watching youTube-videos until you looked up at him. “Minie, babe!” You jump off the bed, but Jimin pushes you back.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Please tell me you’re kidding me. First of all, you stole from me. Second, you’re taking my drugs. Third, WHY are you even doing that? I thought you were clean. Did you lie to me the entire time?” – Just like he lied to her, nice try, Jimin.
“Why are you so angry, Minie? C’mon here and I’ll let you fuck me really good – I can even play with your ass like Tae did if you’re into that. I won’t judge you, you know that.”
Jimin wanted to rip his hair out, but that wouldn’t change anything. His precious angel smoked Ice and wouldn’t quit doing that so soon.
“Listen, angel, babe. Why did you take this away from me? You wanted me to stop taking drugs, but you’re lying here totally high? That’s not what we wanted, precious.” He holds your beautiful face in his large shaky hands, looking you straight into the eyes. But your eyes weren’t the same anymore, the color was dull, no shine in it and hooded.
Jimin couldn’t find the girl he loved in there.
"I came to say sorry. I’m not good for you, angel. It’s best for me to leave college and leave you behind me as well. Like you said, I maybe have a few months left before dying. Don’t waste your feelings on me.”
He kisses your cheek ever so softly before standing up. “I’m sleeping somewhere else, getting my stuff tomorrow and then your life will be Junkie-free. I’m so fucking sorry, angel, believe me. It’s better for both of us to finally end this toxic relationship. You deserve a normal life without me. It probably will never be like it was before, but you can change yours. Please, promise me one thing: stop taking drugs, angel. You’ll find your dream guy, having a family and anything I couldn’t offer you. Fuck, I can’t apologize enough. I love you, okay? Even if I made you go through all of this, believe me. Nothing was harder than letting you go, even if it’s the hundredth time by now. This time I’m keeping my promise. Goodbye, angel.”
He quickly runs out of the door without turning around, he knows you were crying. He knows you would be screaming after him, but you wouldn’t run after him. You were paralyzed and will realize what really happened by tomorrow. You will hate him, but that’s for the best. Hate. Disappointment. Anger. But Jimin knew he wasn’t as egoistic as you'd be thinking. You were his life, he’d kill for you. But he’d do the same for Heroin.
Everything.
Even selling his body.
And now that he had no home left, he knew what would come next. Streetlife. Begging. Prostitution.
PART 09 X YOUNG FOREVER
His words were stuck in your head while you watched him leave your shared – now only your – room. Nothing had changed, he still didn’t want you. But you can’t run after him, so you lay back instead and close your eyes without losing a single tear. Your thoughts were still obscure and your body paralyzed, you can’t even feel you loss but fall into a deep slumber.
“Y/N, wake up! Where is he? What did you do to him?”, you wake up and open your eyes hectically just to see Taehyung in front of you. His hands were on your shoulders and he shook you the entire time. “Fuck, Tae, who are you talking about?”, you get rid of his grip to stretch your body while yawning. Why did he even have to wake you that early on a Saturday? “Hm, who could be away? Jimin, of course! You dumbass, he wasn’t at our usual spot, there was just this fucking note!” He throws some pretty rough looking yellow paper at you.
“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not. I’m leaving ‘cause it’s the best for Y/N. Take care of her. Please. I’ll see you when you’re dead – hopefully, later than me. J"
Stunned, you kept reading and reading Jimin's messy handwriting until the words were burnt into your eyes. “He’s gone?” Tears form in your eyes while your hands start to shake. “Tae, tell me he’s not gone!” Your voice gets louder, the paper falls down.
“Tae, goddamn it, say something!“ But Taehyung remains quiet, balling his hands to fists while clenching his jawline. “It’s your fault you fucking slut. What did you do to him once again? Can’t you just stay out of his life? Who knows what he’s doing to himself now?!“ The veins on his neck are popping out as he began to yell, but his words didn’t hurt you. Your thoughts were filled with Jimin. He left you just like you left him a couple of times. It hurts.
“What could he do to himself, he’s swallowing more pills, smokes more weed and Crack, what else?” You acted ice-cold, trying not to cry anymore.
“Sure, I forgot we were talking about Jimin, the guy that never takes drugs that’s why his life is so perfect. Y/N, what are you even talking about? Jimin stopped taking pills months ago, he’s shooting Heroin for around 2 years now. Are you listening? Heroin. The stuff that killed thousands of people, you idiot. If he doesn’t want to live anymore, he might just shoot some more H than usual. The golden shot.” You listen to Taehyung, but you break out in a loud burst of laughter as soon as he stops talking.
“Sure, Heroin. I know him, I know how much he hates it! He promised me he’ll never take it.”
Taehyung snorts while sitting next to you, head in his hands. “Y/N, I know lots of addicts, there ain’t love or promises as soon as you’re down there. The only love they feel is for H. The thing that kills them. But you’re only in second place. Sorry, but if we don’t look after him as fast as possible, he’ll be gone. You were his only anchor that saved him from drowning. But you made him leave and he’ll never come back on his own.”
Taehyung was right, Jimin was gone. And you? You were shocked, angry and… sad. Because even though he promised you he loved you, it was fake. He spent your entire relationship on one of the hardest drugs, were you that dumb to not realize anything?
“Hey, we’ll find him, okay? Let me grab my stuff and we’ll head out to look for him”, Taehyung wraps one arm around you and you and pulls you against his chest. Soon enough both of you were breaking out into sobs - and you kept crying the entire time Taehyung went into his room to put on his jacket and some shoes.
You cried while looking through Jimin's belongings, he left anything in your room; weed, pills and those fine crystals. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from them, fully concentrated on the Ice that was lying in front of you. Soon enough, not even 3 minutes later, you were high again, not shedding a single tear, not even knowing why you've been sad in the first place. Until Taehyung came into your room, shaking his head in disappointment and dragging you along their journey to find Jimin.
The city was almost empty, nobody was walking around, and the clouds hung low in the sky, ready to let a storm out. “I don’t know where else to look for him, Tae. I’m getting tired”, Your mood was on its lowest while you kicked empty bottles of beer around.
Taehyung shrugs. “Last step: the train station. But when he’s really there, we won’t have a chance to get him back.”
You didn’t know why a normal station could be that bad, you just follow him through the thick gates of the main station. You hide your nose under your shirt as soon as the smell of piss, trash and vomit hits your senses. You made your way through the floors without talking, the amount of trash and empty cans highly rising.
“Tae, I don’t think he’s gonna be..”, but Taehyung interrupts you with a quick hand movement.
There, between all of those homeless people was Jimin.
His head resting against the wall, eyes half-closed.
“C’mon”, Taehyung holds her arm while walking straight up to them. “Jimin, move your ass and stand up.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Fuck off!”
“Fucking rich kids...”
The crosstalk begins, but Jimin remains quiet. He looks at you, but he doesn’t make a move to stand up. His eyes were sad, but his countenance stays emotionless.
“I told you, go away. Leave me alone”, he ignores Taehyung but looks at you.
“Minie, please..”, your voice breaks.
“Aww, Jimin, did you find yourself a girlfriend? Cute. What do you take, honey? Ready for a tin?” Some guy with a black Mohican holds up a coke can.
“Jin, no.”
Jimin tries to take the can away from him, but his strength was all gone. “I’m…”
“We don’t need anything, thanks.” Once again, it was Taehyung who talked for both of you. “They’re clean, you don’t need to waste your stuff on them”, Jimin's voice was weak.
“Cute. Didn’t know you were friends with that kind of people. C’mon, hun”, Jin holds the can in your direction and you take it, confusion displayed on your face. Not knowing what to do, you look at the tiny hole in it. Watching the smoke coming through that hole, Jin pressures you.
“C’mon”, he holds his lighter under the can to heat up whatever was inside of it. You look over to Jimin while trying to keep your tears hidden before taking a hit. Taehyung pulls you against himself, Jimin jumps up, but it’s too late. Your body was exploding as if a firework was lit inside you. Each and every nerve was reacting to this substance before you collapse into Taehyung’s arms. Jimin screams in anger. “Y/N!” Then he falls onto his knees. “You’re so stupid, I told you hundreds of times, now you’re into it too.”
You didn’t know what he was talking about until you woke up hours later, the burning need in your veins permanent. You must’ve fallen asleep, now laying here, your head in Jimin’s lap. You didn’t know the place you were at, it couldn’t be the train station, but everyone from there was here as well. Now all of those train station kids were sitting here - well, and you - it looks like it was some kind of old factory, and once again the coke can was going around. You sit up, pressing a soft kiss to Jimin's lips before grabbing the can once again. Some girl with ripped leggings just laughs.
“Look at her. When you want some of your stuff, you need to pay for it, alright? We just share for money.“
Jimin's calming hands on your back were gone and he pulls you up with him. “Listen to me, angel. I hope you know what you did? I can’t insult you or blame you for anything because it’s all my fault, but run as long as you can. Heroin is no fun. Look at those Junk Boys and -girls. We’re all fucked – you’re not. You may want to take it but you don’t need to yet. Please, angel”, he looks at you, pleading and ready to do whatever it takes him to stop you, but you just shake your head, throwing a 20 Dollar-Bill on the floor and take the hit that lets you experience your second real high.
Then, you kiss Jimin once again.
“We’re in this together, babe. I love you. And even if you die, then we’ll both die. But let’s enjoy the time before that“, with that, the entire group explodes in applause and laughter, but you didn’t even realize that because you were already fast asleep in Jimin's arms.
PART 10 X BADBYE
“Is there really no money left? Damn it, I need a shot. Now. Jimin!”
You kick Jimin, but he was still high, just got done with his shot while you were waiting for yours. Usually, he was the one that gave you the shot because you couldn’t do it on your own.
“FUCK!”
You take the remaining Heroin off the foil, snorting whatever was left on there to get at least a tiny high. Unluckily, it wasn’t enough. It was like always. Jimin got the money, Jimin got most of the Heroin. You were dependent on him, have to wait until he allows you to take some of his drugs. “
If you don’t wake up I have to go get my own stuff.” But your threat didn’t do anything. Jimin was still blacked out on the floor. You were annoyed as you put on some clothes, and left the place you were currently living in. You walk down the streets without any destination.
You didn’t know where Jimin was buying the stuff, neither did you know how he paid for it. Yoongi, Taehyung, Jeongguk – neither of them wanted to stay in contact as soon as they knew what was going on. Everyone was okay with smoking weed, but nobody was fine with shooting H.
You play around with the contacts on your phone before calling one number, the number you thought you’d never call again. It rings three times before a loving voice answered.
“Y/N, my precious child! You didn’t talk to us for so long, how are you? Dad and I were so worried! College called and told us you were gone? What are you doing? Where are you? Who’s with you?”
You shrug, laughing it off. “Hi, mom.“
That evening, you're coming home with empty pockets, but with two online-train tickets back home to visit your family. “Baby, we’re going home! My mom wants us to live with them, they have enough money and we don’t need to look for another flat! I can show you around my hometown!“
You were on fire, packing all your belongings while Jimin slowly wakes up. “Did you think about that, angel? Your mother will realize how fucked up we are. What are you going to tell her? Everyone knows what a Junkie looks like. It won’t work.”
“I don’t care if you’re coming with me or not. I’m going. I don’t need to worry about money for Heroin while you’re out there doing whatever. I need as much as you do, it’s not enough for me to snort whatever’s left since I started shooting as well!”
“I’m not doing whatever, I’m fucking prostituting myself! I can’t go away from my customers, okay?” He looks down at the floor, not daring to look at you. Did he really just say that he sells his body? That he’s fucking someone else just to earn money?
“You’re a hooker? Are you serious? You’re cheating on me to earn money? Wow, Jimin. That’s how much I mean to you? You’re letting some strangers fuck your ass? That’s why you don’t want to fuck me anymore? I guess you’re having enough orgasms throughout the day, huh? Well, you know what? Fuck you, Park.” Once again, your heart shattered in thousands of pieces while you run away once more, leaving him alone once more. Crying once more.
It must’ve been ages since you saw Jimin the last time. You weren't counting in days but in shots.
Your mother didn’t seem to notice anything about your addiction, she just thinks you're going through a rough break up. Of course, you were thinking about him, every fucking day. But it was never a positive thought.
You always thought about your life without him. Your fist swings against the wall once again, you tend to do that a lot. Some bloodstains were already on it, but you didn’t care. You got nervous again, pulling your drawer open just to realize that there’s nothing in it. Just a last tiny piece of foil, nothing more.
“Mom, you there?” You scream and leave your room without even looking into the mirror. She wasn’t there, like always. Her bag was with her and her wallet as well. They hadn’t had any money left in their house – why would they? Your mom paid anything with her credit card. You ramble through the rooms, searching for anything you could sell, but there was literally nothing.
Without any money in your pockets you walk through the train station, searching for any ‘friend’ that owes you Heroin. None of them had some and you got on turkey rather quickly. You were shaking, crying and sweating.
Soon enough, you realized there was one last thing left. The thing that broke your relationship. The thing that was the most disgusting thing to do. The thing you thought you’d never do.
You had never thought about selling your body just to destroy it.
You had never thought about letting someone else besides Jimin fucking you just for money.
You had never thought that you wouldn’t find it as bad as you probably should.
It was a fast way to make money. And you needed it fast.
It was the twelfth day in a row that you were standing here to earn some extra coins. You almost felt like a celebrity on the streets, you could decide who to fuck and who to leave. There are many people here, some around your age, some older and some stone old guys. It’s not like you needed to go on the streets every day, you had enough money by now that you could easily go out there every third day, but it was fun and games for you. You were in a flow, didn’t want to stop, just seeing the dollar signs in each customer.
The amount of Heroin in your room was enormous, you couldn’t even shoot that much without falling into a coma-state but you collected it for bad times. But this day you were really glad you decided to come here, you wouldn’t know about him otherways. He was here. And he was suffering.
You were just finishing up with your third customer that day when you saw him. His shaking body leaning against a wall, trying to look cool, but you knew how he really felt. He was suffering. You knew, if you'd ever see him like that, all your feelings would be there again. And here you were, trying to help him one again.
He didn’t even look at you, but you knew he had to feel you coming.
Once you were right in front of him, you were about to vomit just from his smell. But you couldn’t help it and hugged him. “Minie”, you mumbled against his skinny chest. Neither of you was moving.
“Go away, Y/N.” But you couldn’t.
“C’mon, Minie. I’ve got some.”
You drag him with you, preparing your needle and cooking up some H for the both of you. “I don’t need your help, Y/N.”
“I can see that.”
You grab his arm and shoot the H directly into his veins, not allowing him to do it himself with those shaky hands. You took him home with you, explaining to your mother how sick he was and that he couldn’t go back into his own flat because he’s got a fever and needed someone to take care of him.
“You’re such an angel, Y/N!” was all she said.
It was the day, you used to call Day X. The day that changed everything. Your mother knew about your addiction by now, wanting to send you to therapy but you were over 18 – she couldn’t decide for you. Mother and daughter were heavily arguing in the living room while Jimin was in the middle of preparing his shot. You couldn’t stop thinking about the white powder, you were about to get on Turkey and easy to provoke by now.
“Fuck off, mom.” You ran into your room, locking the door behind you and walking over to Jimin.
“Hurry, Minie. Can’t wait anymore.”
Of course, Jimin wasn’t able to help you once he shot the poison through his veins. “Fucking bastard” was all you mumbled before preparing everything yourself, before falling asleep in his lap.
You didn’t know that you were going to be the only one waking up.
Jimin shot way too much, you should’ve known. Sometimes you used to shoot so much that you were near to your limit, but survived it every time. It was the best feeling someone could reach, and you thought that was what Jimin needed back then.
But he got colder and colder every minute. He didn’t wake up, not even through you shaking his body.
That was the moment you realized his weird behavior. His lovely side the last few days, he was always cuddling and prepping you with kisses. He even bought you a ring.
You began to scream your soul out. You kissed his body and his cold lips. Tears were streaming down your face while you searched everything you needed and laid it down in front of you. The needle in one hand, Jimin's hand in the other. You laid down on his chest, cuddling into his pale body, trying to ignore the cold feeling. It was a routine by now, preparing everything for your last shot ever.
You pull up the liquid into your needle, kissing Jimin one last time. It was the moment for your shot; the one that will bring you back to Jimin, into a peaceful world.
As soon as the venom reached your veins and insides, you couldn’t help but smile while you intertwined your fingers and close your eyes forever in this painful life.
#Park Jimin#BTS#Kim Taehyung#Jeon Jungguk#Kim Seokjin#Kim Namjoon#Min Yoongi#Jeon Hoseok#J-Hope#Suga#Jimin#Taehyung#Jungkook#BTS FANFICTION#ksmutclub#magicshopnet#bangtansmutcentral#bangtanarmynet#taekooksfxck#Jimin Smut#Yoongi Smut
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Criminal In My Mind: Chapter 4
Warning: foul language
Pairing: Choi Minho x Reader
Word count: 1.6k
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction made for personal entertainment of readers. The writer does not ever intend to offend her readers nor does she aim to spread false information about anyone as to pay any disrespect to the real-life persons whom the characters are based on. She also does not claim ownership to any of the images that are being used.
masterlist
Chapter 3
MINHO
I tend to check up on Taemin every time I see him on campus ever since he got beaten up a week ago. So far, nobody has been following him anymore. My shift at the café has just ended and now, I’m cleaning myself up a little bit for our Landscape Photography class at three, which is in twenty minutes.
So I hurry up, grab my backpack, bow to Manager Jinki goodbye, and head out the glass doors.
I’ve been studying at this school for over a year now and no one has attempted to befriend me but Taemin. He’s the only one who bothers to ask me to hang out with him and his friends, yet I always ignored him. This may sound cheesy but I kind of appreciate him that way. I don’t know why I’m just realizing this now.
I’m just walking to class when suddenly, I feel a cold breeze touch my skin, chills down my spine follows. A man from afar reveals himself right before my eyes, wearing the hood of his jacket over his head.
I stop abruptly. Why is he staring at me? I’m starting to sweat and my heart decides to beat faster than it should, as if telling me to panic.
I attempt to run the other way but I bump into Taemin. He seems frightened. Was he walking behind me all this time?
“Minho Hyung,” his eyes widen. “Are you okay? You look pale.”
“I’m fine,” I lie.
“Let’s go to class together.”
I fake a smile and glance back at the spot where I saw the familiar presence, but he’s gone.
. . .
I managed to come through during class since I have a growing passion for photography. It kind of distracted me from what I encountered earlier.
What I love most about photography is that it’s instantly still with just a click of a button on the camera. You can edit things the way you want it and create something else out of them. But something about its steadiness gets to me and calms me down. I hadn’t known that I had this love for it until I finished high school since I lived my life unhappy and meaningless. I always thought it was too late to find my passion but if it wasn’t for my mother, I’d be wanting to kill myself today.
Now that class is over, I’m back to my fear. I swear I saw him die. Was that really him? How did he find me? How long has he been following me?
I step out of the building when Taemin calls out to me, running.
“Hyung!” He catches up. “Do you have class after this?”
“Yeah, Art History in about half an hour,” I answer him, trying to hide my sinking soul at the moment.
“Oh, okay. Do you have some time later to work on our assignment? I picked you as my partner,” he informs me, smiling.
I stare at him blankly. I must have missed something since I have no idea what he’s talking about. My thoughts are running in circles right now.
“Hyung?��
“Oh,” I come to my senses. “Yes, sure. Come by my apartment tonight at eight. I’ll text you the address.”
“Great. I’ll buy us dinner,” he says, then runs towards his friends gathered around by the grass.
. . .
It’s all coming back to me at the same time. The huge dark room full of barrels, the echoing cries, all the drilling, guns firing.
And the girl. I don’t remember her face, but what I do remember is her eyes. Her wide brown eyes always twinkled with tears. Her left iris had a distinct but subtle little white spot. I tried to look for her days after I lost her that night but she’s nowhere to be found. I just hope she’s alive and well to this day. It's a shame I didn’t get her name.
I jump awake from my deep thoughts when something thuds to the floor. It’s a book that was in Taemin’s hands. He's already fallen asleep on the couch.
I turn to my wall clock and it’s already one in the morning. How long have we been working?
I decided to go out and buy drinks from the convenience store nearby. When I’m about to reach for my jacket on the armrest, Taemin shakes awake.
“What time is it?” he asks as he yawns, wiping drool off his chin.
“Ten past one. I’m going to the store. Do you want anything?”
“I’ll go with you. I don’t know what I want but I’m kinda hungry,” he says as he gets up and puts on his college hoodie.
So we go down from the apartment and walk to the nearest little grocery store which is just two minutes away.
“How long have you known Y/n?” I ask Taemin, hoping to sound casual.
“She started working at my dad’s flower shop about three years ago. I was still in high school then and she was about to graduate college. My dad and I never met anyone before who is as passionate about flowers as she is. She reminds me a lot of my mom. The shop was originally hers, but then she died of ovarian cancer when I was eleven.”
“I didn’t know that. I’m sorry,” I sympathize.
“It’s okay. We’re lucky to have found Y/n Noona. Aside from handling the shop for us, she has been the big sister I never ha- Holy shit, speak of the devil!” His jaw drops as soon as he sees something ahead.
I follow his eye direction and to my surprise, there is Y/n walking wobbly toward our way, the high heels of her shoes almost twist her ankles. Is she drunk? Where did she come from? And why is she alone at this hour?
Taemin runs to her and grabs her when she almost falls forward. “Noona, you’re drunk again. Are you with someone?” he says, trying not to laugh.
“Oh, there’s my little Taemin!” she shouts despite their close distance. “When did you get so strong and handsome and all grown up?”
Taemin can’t contain his laughter now. He looks my way and mouths, Watch this. “Noona, wanna come home with me?” he says to her with a matching wink.
“Fuck no! Are you out of your mind?” She pulls him away. “I’m saving myself for someone special now. Someone worth my time. Do you have any idea how many guys I’ve dated? None of them came through for me and I’m sick of it! None of them even cared about how I felt,” she starts weeping.
I can’t help but chortle at the cute sound of her cry.
Taemin frowns. “That’s weird, she usually answers that question differently.”
“Hey, Y/n!” a charming guy with short-to-the-roots bleach blonde hair rushes toward her and hits her at the back of the head. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. You got me fucking worried!” He looks out of breath.
“Kibum Hyung!” Taemin exclaims. They all seem to know each other. We’re currently in my neighborhood but I feel like the outsider.
Y/n flinches as she scratches her head at the spot where she got hit.
“Are you okay?” I ask her in concern.
She catches my eye and giggles. She slowly draws nearer toward me, then wraps her tiny arms around my neck so she can stand straight.
“I might be dreaming but I think I finally found you,” she whispers as her face gets an inch closer to mine.
I swallow as my heart begins to skip a beat. I’d stare back into her eyes but they’re almost shut. Something about her scent mixed in with soju is pleasurably intoxicating.
Before I know it, she leans in and softly touches her lips onto mine. Without a thought, I’m kissing her back after two seconds when she starts to open her mouth slightly as her tongue reaches out to mine. I suddenly feel goosebumps throughout my arms. My knees weaken and sweat starts to form on my scalp. My hands turn into fists for getting this urge to hold onto her waist but, for some reason, I can’t. I'm frozen.
At some point, she falls sideways to the ground but I come to my senses and somehow catch her.
I did not expect this at all.
. . .
I went to work at six this morning to open the café for the day. I usually almost never have a smile on my face when I wake up because I don’t really like waking up so early. But today, I can’t help but find myself jumpy and smiley.
It is now half-past nine and customers have come in and left, minding their own perspective moments under the sun.
The chime of the entrance catches my attention as I watch Kibum walk in. Even though he is still in his home wear and hungover, he still manages to look good. Maybe he has a natural talent for staying a gorgeous man no matter what state he’s in. With his gray shorts, plain white hoodie, and a pair of gold aviator glasses.
He approaches the counter and sees me, “Oh, hey, it’s you. I didn’t know you work here.”
“Yeah, I do. I just started last week,” I smile back. “So what can I get you?”
“Hot low-fat latté and iced black coffee. Y/n’s coming in later. She’s still in bed moaning like a grandma,” he chuckles.
“Oh, right,” I nod. “How is she doing?”
“She’ll be fine. She’s always been like that when she drinks too much.”
“Good to know,” I am relieved to know. “Go on, have a seat and I’ll get your drinks ready.”
Chapter 5
#ktm cimm c4#shinee fanfic#shinee#shinee fiction#minho smut#shinee minho smut#choi x reader#jongkey fanfic#shinee fanfiction#smut#choi minho smut#minho x reader#shinee smut#minho shinee smut#shinee fluff#shinee angst#shinee minho fluff#choi minho fluff#jongkey fluff#jongkey
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Middle of the Night (1D) Ch 1
Word Count: 1,665
I couldn’t fathom why I decided to go along with the boys on their latest tour. When Niall asked if I’d join the North American leg, I should’ve said no. Simple as that. As one of their best friends, and freelance graphic designers, I wasn’t obligated to go. It was easier to hide who I truly was when I wasn’t surrounded by them 24/7, or in the limelight. I could back out still, but then that’d also look suspicious to everyone involved, and that included the fans who viewed the tour from an outside perspective.
There were some of our kind who managed to have successful “famous” careers and then dip out on a mysterious misfortune with no public eye on them. I never wanted that for myself. I’d been careful about it. Then I met this boy band through my latest work at Modest! Management, and it turned out, they became grossly huge and they wanted me to be their best friend.
I took a deep breath to try to calm myself down as I packed. I knew that getting all worked up wouldn’t help, especially since I needed to get on the road soon. I had to meet them at the show in Chicago. It was only a four hour drive from where I lived, so my father said he would take me there. From there, the tour bus would be how I traveled with the boys.
I stuffed various pairs of jeans, pixie pants, blouses, shirts, and cardigans into my duffel. I also chucked my Gucci mules into it; I wore a pair of all white Nikes with black straight jeans, a white tank I cropped myself, and a pistachio green cardigan. It was the end of summer, going to fall in a couple weeks, but with who I was, having the least amount of sun hit my skin was for the better. I grabbed my backpack next to put my laptop into it, along with chargers, airpods, and sketch pad.
I strapped my duffel and computer bag on my shoulder and walked out to the kitchen and living room area. My dad sat at the table, working away on his laptop; he came in last night so we could leave by ten this morning.
I reached out for an apple from the wooden bowl in the middle of the island and took a bite out of it. Being who I was, I didn’t have taste buds for human food. I’ve never understood when the boys got excited about food. I haven’t had real taste buds for centuries, so I’ve forgotten. It was like those memories were instantly erased after I was turned.
“Hey Izzie, when was the last time you fed?” my dad asked suddenly.
He wasn’t my actual biological dad. Our kind couldn’t reproduce- well the human way anyways. My biological parents were long dead and I was a Lady on her own deathbed when my father bit me. He did it to save me. I had been a miracle and wedded to a duke, then shunned when I could not bear a child; that was more than right with me. Now I literally lived forever, and it would take nearly so much for me to be on a deathbed again. I hoped that would never happen. As long we kept ourselves underground, there would never be an uprising of hell.
I thought for a second. “Uhm… A month ago. Why?”
We had to feed every month or so, or our bodies would weaken, our eyes would turn fiery red, our fangs would automatically lengthen, and we could end up lashing out on an innocent person. But when we were fully fed, we stayed strong and could control ourselves a lot easier.
My father cleared his throat and circled his face. “Your eyes.”
I raised my eyebrows and hurried into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror to see my eyes were dark red, almost to the point of being black. This wasn’t great. Not by a long shot. I did not need this right now. It was the last issue I needed to have. I knew I should’ve made my trip to feed last weekend.
“Shit,” I muttered under my breath.
I grabbed a pack of grey contacts out of the cabinet and put in a set. When they weren’t fiery red, they were grey. They used to be a kelly green, I knew that much. When the venom took over my genetics, they matched my dad’s. The only sort of resemblance we had.
I went back to the kitchen and tossed my contacts into my backpack. I ran a hand through my bleach blonde hair, letting out a deep breath. ��I guess I’ll have to go out tonight.”
We could maybe stop somewhere on the way. That would be risky since it would still be daylight and the passerbyers would be high. My dad and I, we didn’t feed on humans; we fed on animals. In the utmost rare cases, and the person was willing, we’d feed on a human.
“Do you have any contacts for the meantime?”
I rolled my eyes with a nod. “Yes, they’re already in. This isn’t my first, you know that.”
He chuckled. “I can’t help it. You’re still my little girl.”
Yes, his little girl that was over 200 years old. I wasn’t so little anymore time wise. Age wise I was still considered a young adult for life. It wasn’t the worst possible situation to be in. I could hold steady jobs without the question of education, and I could drink legally anywhere in the world. I also had the face where I could pass from the ages of 22-34 without any burning questions. Any age after that was risking it, so I’d have to make my next move and identity change.
I smirked. “Right. Well, we should get on the road. The guys are expecting me around lunch time.”
“Right then, let’s go,” he slipped into a british accent, then cleared his throat. “Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.”
We were both of british heritage, which I guess gave us another talking point to how we were supposedly related. With having to change our identities every century or so, we had to adapt new accents sometimes. This time we were American. It was something to be more or less proud of.
Thankfully the boys were all from the UK and Ireland, so if I slipped I could blame it on as an impression. Despite forgetting particular senses, I could remember my original accent like it was yesterday. It wouldn’t be hard to fall back if I ever wanted to be the old me in that aspect.
I knew I should’ve said no to this.
***
As predicted, there was nowhere safe to stop and feed. It was all wide open plains until the suburbs. I wasn’t feeling antsy or any less of my sane self. Not yet. I hadn’t reached this point in over two centuries, so it was going to be hard to gauge how long it would be. It was only mere days for sure though.
We did not want to reach that point.
“Remember to feed tonight or tomorrow. We know how hard the repercussions were last time.”
I licked my lips, feeling my leg shake at my anticipation of being around the guys 24/7 for two months now. It was going to be… difficult. The gamble was up for sure. And if that wasn’t enough, there were those who hunted us for a living to look out for. If I happened to lash out, it would be all over the news and it would be like lighting up my destination.
I cleared my throat. “I know dad. And you’ll know if I’ve gone. It won’t go unnoticed this time.”
“That it won’t,” he remarked, reaching over to encase my hand. “It will be okay.”
“Sure.” I nodded. “I better go. I’ll call you every week, as always.”
He leaned over to give me a peck on the cheek. “Of course, darling. I will speak to you soon.”
I took one last deep breath before I stepped out of the vehicle, then grabbed my bags and headed inside. It was a fairly large stadium, and I had to hold up my backstage pass in order to get in one of the back doors. I used scents to track down where the guys were; dress rehearsal.
As Liam went in for a chest voice note, I noticed a delectable vein pop on his neck. I forced myself to look away; I hadn’t said that about a human in centuries. I must need not to. I mustn’t let myself get wrapped in those hellish ways. I… really needed to feed. I had thoughts in my old tongue.
“Izzie!” Niall cheered, handing his gear off to two different people, and ran down to embrace me in a hug.
“It me.” I laughed, returning his hug. “Are you guys done for today?”
“We are, love,” Harry answered with a smile.
The rest came down the ramps and dogpiled on us. I was surrounded by a bunch of flesh and felt the opposite of thrilled; I was suffocating. Without making it seem like too much of a harsh rush, I squeezed myself out of the middle. Now my brain couldn’t stop the racing thoughts of how I could easily tear their hearts out and have a magnificent feast.
“How about we go eat?” I suggested. “Pizza?”
As long as they ate and reeked of that greezy trash, I would be less appealed. It would shut me down for now.
“That sounds like a grand idea!” Louis agreed and picked up my duffel.
Niall tried to take my hand in his to pull me forward, but I played it off as running ahead of him. “Beat you to the bus!”
His laugh was boisterous, as all were the rest. “Yeah, right!”
Next: Ch 2
[Masterlist]
#1D#1D fic#one direction#one direction fic#fanfiction#1D fanfiction#Niall horan#Louis tomlinson#Harry styles#vampires#supernatural#comedy#drama#Middle of the Night
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