ENTRY #7: 09/07/23

today's song: https://open.spotify.com/track/5Dx8iEsMuNrf7aF9TMV0Xe?si=WRG3r0CQTEyluSIFXilRjg

if i forgot to update today bc i was busy playing hsr no i didnt yes i did ❤️

today i slept, ate food, read webnovels, watched some eons videos n played hsr.

i wanted to read smth lighthearted yesterday cuz i was upset that n somehow i ended up reading an a/b/o esports danmei . dont ask how , but frm what ive read i think it was actually pretty serious n touched on gender roles and the struggles of people when they're forced into certain positions bc of their gender . the mc was even diagnosed w gender dysmorphia due to his unwillingness to identify as an omega (came from a different world) n i think he got surgery ? im not sure i dropped it halfway cuz i lost interest . n also the attitude of the doctor who diagnosed him rlly got me thinking it was an allegory to trans ppl bc he said its better that he gets the gland surgery instead of forcing him to change into an ideal omega like how some ppl do ... i think the author decided to portray the heat/gender/dynamic seriously n in a realistic manner which is actually nice .

me personally, i wldnt want to be reincarnated into an a/b/o universe .

BUT ALSO!!! WE NEED BAIHE ESPORTS NOVELS!!!!!!!!! idk if translators just haven't translated them or there rlly isnt a lot but this is starting to piss me off like . but at the same time... im aware of the misogyny in the gaming world (dont start on esports.) ... BUT STILL!!! YALL R WRITING A/B/O INTERSTELLAR ESPORTS NOVELS SO WHATS WRONG W WRITING BAIHE ONES????

WHAT ABT THE GAY GIRL GAMERS???

but anyways. i digress.

i ate popcorn today . i think the microwave popcorn companies have improved their recipes. me personally im not fond of too much butter n i prefer my popcorn salted . my mom bought the salted flavour popcorn and it was good. i will eat more tmrw 👍

i also ate fish today. i kinda have a trauma w fish cuz when i was younger i got a fish bone stuck in my throat like 3 different times which landed me in the hospital so yeah. i was so careful abt chewing n making sure i didnt accidentally swallow a fish bone... but i did 💔 dw im ok but still 😭😭😭 fish.... 💔💔💔

also terrible news: nui!diluc need surgery at the back of his head cuz the thread wasnt sewn properly n theres a hole . ill do it tmrw n update u all 😞

i didnt rlly do a lot today ... nothing of note rlly happened.

thats all.

additional notes: i wanna read the bts book . saw a lot of discussion abt it on twt .

no but that text post abt writing being dead on tumblr - not specifically bc ppl are leaving it but bc readers don’t reblog stuff they read/like - made me think...

imagine daydreaming. and coming up with ideas on random occasions, maybe at work/school/classes. imagine that those ideas involve characters you love, ones that have fandoms and in those fandoms - big or small - there are people just as invested in those characters, in their evolution, history, everything that goes unspoken on the big/small screen, in the books/comic books. 

then imagine spending hours on a single wip, just because all these ideas, thoughts occupy your mind, they need space to expand. imagine having many rough ideas written down in some doc, imagine having many of said docs. 

and imagine that you polish one idea for days/weeks, just to get the feelings/description/dialogue perfect and fitting so somehow it becomes a story. imagine that people are interested in the idea, so you post the story once it’s finished.

now imagine getting asks/messages from people who liked your story, imagine the encouragement, the thumbs up that make you keep going. 

because it finally feels like your idea wasn’t just good in your head. the validation of your creativity, of the hours/days/weeks spent on perfecting your idea, and in consequence also your craft - which, trust me, gets better with time and with all the next stories that you write down with the said kudos from others. 

comments/messages matter so much. they are much like the ‘thank you letters’, with verbal and physical you give creators during conventions, events like comic con etc. if you got the chance to meet your favourite actor/actress/musician/screenwriter/director you’d probably want to thank them for their work, you’d tell them how their art impacted you. because creators do that to you, they inspire, they motivate us. and they need just as motivation and feedback! and then treat reblogs as those who purchased the art that those creators created. they spread a message that a certain piece of work is worth attention, that it should be read/seen/known. that it should be spread and given the - dingdingding - attention!!!

we like to take online creators - especially those who post their work anonymously - for granted. because there will always be someone willing to post their work for free for a small chance for validation, right?

what i’m trying to say is, our interests shape our lives. some of those online creators, with enough encouragement, will be brave enough to make their creative skill a part of their career, a part of their daily life. you never know how one’s life looks like. and sometimes that one message might just determine whether a creator will or will not continue to pursue their dream. we’re all just dreamers in the end.

{george robinson, twenty-eight, cis man, he/him} || simon orwell is a mutant with the ability of hellhound physiology. they’ve been in new york for ten years where they spend most of their time as a novelist. when i think of them, i think of hellfire of the holy, finding blessings in curses, the sun shining on a grave.

it’s’a me, a’may’rio ! new muse who dis want 2 make a disclaimer that i am not paraplegic. while i’ve been doing a lot of research so i can portray his disability as accurately and sensitively as possible, if y’all ever see me doing sumn wrong!! pls feel free 2 call me out on it!! research is not quite the same as experience

QUICK FACTS:

full name: simon george orwell (luv that for him)

date of birth: march 14th, 1969

zodiac big three: pisces sun, libra moon, sagittarius rising

gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him

sexual orientation: bisexual (pls let it be known that he can still feel pleasure)

enneagram: 4w3

mbti: infj

temperament: phlegmatic

ability: hellhound physiology

affiliation: brotherhood

alias: cerberus

various inspirations: tbd !

BACKSTORY:

triggers: brief mention of alcoholism, paralysis (paraplegia), i still forgot the word for kids getting kicked out akfjdsl

born and (mostly) raised in north carolina, for some years, simon never knew ‘want.’ it wasn’t that his parents were rich -- nothing of the sort -- rather that his mother would do anything for her sons and daughter. 

their father was not quite as doting, spending more of his time drinking his hatred away than hanging out with his wife and children. if he didn’t... who knows what would happen!

that said, simon was raised to believe that mutants were a species to be feared. ‘they’ll look at you with blood-thirsty eyes,’ so said his mother. but it was not for general hatred -- her own mother had been killed at the hands of one, a brotherhood member, and she’d been left with permanent scarring on her back. his father, on the other hand, simply wanted something he was allowed to hate.

so imagine how unfortunate -- in many ways -- simon found himself when his brother, ian, dared him to dive into a pool using their tiny trampoline... and he ungracefully followed through and dove into the water that was... much shallower than he had perceived. a terrible sensation spread, and then...

his mutation came forth, randomly and suddenly taking the form of a hellhound as a trauma response. in this form, his spine was immediately healed, but when he was quickly and involuntarily snapped back to his original form? to a human? nothing.

the doctors did all they could, but when he came to and they’d given up, he found himself completely paralyzed from the waste down with limited mobility in his arms. he could move his hands. he could move his head. he could move his neck. he could move his forearm. and, with concentration, he could move the rest of his arm. well enough to not be considered quadriplegic!

fortunate that his parents had not seen his transformation, unfortunate that he had no clue what had happened. fortunate that he could move like normal when in his new form, unfortunate that he turned any time the slightest pain was felt in one of his non-numb/paralyzed areas. finally, his ian told him his own secret: while their sister was human (as far as they knew), he was also a mutant. biokinesis, the ability to manipulate life. quite strong, quite invisible.

he told him of this organization -- the brotherhood -- that believed in mutant superiority... to which simon was like ‘didn’t one of those mutants scar mom and kill grandma?’ to which... he confirmed, but waved off. ian was considering joining, if he could find a way, and he encouraged simon to do the same.

that said, simon still had a deep-seated fear and slight hatred towards mutants. it wasn’t something he found himself able to believe in until he was sitting in the family room, watching some program that he can no longer remember, and felt a burn on his hand from his sister accidentally dropping a hot plate. 

hyperbolic trauma response: he turned into a hellhound. his parents were terrified, his sister was curious, and ian... had an odd look of pride. to make things worse, he accidentally used a subpower he didn’t even know he had and induced fear. when he was human again, his loving mother insisted that he leave. and, just to prove a point, ian used his powers -- something he had honed much better than simon -- to rot the apple on his sister’s tray (and she just looked more pissed off than afraid or angry at the two).

somehow, they found themselves in new york. with a wad of cash and unfulfilled dreams, they settled down. ian was forced into the role of his caretaker (which is why he’ll remain an npc, rip), something that felt somewhat humiliating at first but... after a while, just natural.

ian aided in simon honing his ability. and when he finally did? he’d now garnered enough hatred in his heart to truly consider his brother’s suggestion. unlike his brother, he wasn’t murder-happy, but remembering his parents... thinking about all the ways others thought of him in his hellhound form... thinking about the essex house and how that could’ve been him... thinking about the way he was actually fortunate to have the ability -- how his world would be so small without it... 

as kind of an aside, he purchased a dictation recorder to begin spilling his guts a la novels. fiction? sure! based on real life? sure! non-fiction? ...masked as fiction, sure! and, while it wasn’t the steadiest income, he would... occasionally lie and say he was related to george orwell... which would encourage publishing companies to sign, and encourage even more people to buy his novels.

five years ago, he joined the brotherhood with ian. while he isn’t too fond of murder, in his hellhound form, his predator instinct amplifies his hatred tenfold. as a hellhound, he’s so down for murder! and as a human, he’s... down for ranting about them and helping come up with plans.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

his sister ! i love family connections. with his brother being his caretaker, i pretty much have to leave him as an npc, but i think his sister would be really fun ! could be a mutant, could just be curious and... not furious. she clearly did/does not hate them to the same degree as their parents, something that simon and his brother picked up on.

brotherhood besties ! give him some people from the brotherhood who are like ‘yeah, i’m down with murder, but i’m not down down. i feel u!’

brotherhood peer pressure ! they think it’s pretty lame that he’s down for helping with the plans, but has to actually go into his hellhound form to be down with murder :\

neighbors ! he lives on the first floor of the silverhouse apartments. quite frankly, these are the people who probably know him ( in his human form ) the best.

friends from when he first arrived ! as it says on the tin !

fans of his books ! maybe they believe he’s a distant relative... maybe they don’t... but either way, they like his books.

exes ! he doesn’t have the chance to get into many serious relationships, but these two provided him with that. he felt desired... which was nice. no matter what terms they’re on, he’ll always be thankful for that. ( 1/2 )

open to so much more ! besties, ppl who ask him too much so he likes 2 lie 2 them, ‘so if you’ve got hellhound physiology, does that mean hell is real?’ ‘idk!’, etc, etc, HERE FOR IT ALL!!

@c23intros​

dunno if i’ll be able to finish this. but so like dabihawks au where like. dabi does his research aka when he was touya he was with his dad once during the whole takami thief thing and met keigo. flash forward he doesnt believe a thing about this hero hawks. sees him for the fabricated person he has become. and eventually hawks sees dabi for who he really is and was and like vigilante-ish dabihawks. bits about the au and the snippet i wrote under the cut.

cause this shit gets LONG af

hawks feels fake. doesnt rlly know who he has even become

the commission kinda forced a lotta habits out of him and completely molded him into who they want him to be

he barely even finds his name to be anything more than a stranger’s name at this point. 

anyway so dabi p much knows who he is. does his own digging. and kinda puts some pieces together and sees how fake hawks is

hawks barely even knows if he shows any genuine emotions at this point. he’s kinda at a breaking point where he cant recognize himself and separate keigo from hawks. feeling like hawks has just swallowed him whole

he does show genuine things though. sometimes says or does shit out of line but he tends to have obedience beat into him even if he sometimes has a bit of a mouth on him. it’s mild tho

at the start of dabi working w hawks, hawks was very careful

it kinda progressed into keigo coming out more around dabi even though it was in bits and pieces

anyway dabi puts two and two together and realizes him and hawks are pretty similar and instead of seeing him as a traitor (though he’s sure that he’s not 100% on their side) he sees him as someone who can fit in with the misfits and he can p much fully convince hawks to ditch the bs

so the confrontation happens (see ending snippet) and hawks is like wtf just happened

and p much eventually there’s some tender moments between dabi and hawks and hawks ends up explaining how used he’s felt

he has been molded into the perfect obedient soldier; maybe sorta kinda explains that the commission is having him do double agent duties and instead of reacting badly dabi is p receptive and doesnt just try to kill him. instead he can see how badly hawks wants to break out of his cage and fly free and he deeply feels for that and knows how that can feel and is like aight well fuck them

so hawks kinda double agents on the commission?? 

and he does end up meeting the LoV and like sees how human they are

but also he’s like damn son but okay i dont agree w everything

and dabi is like yeahhh same ??? idk they are a means to an ends for me but also not lmao 

and then there’s some dabi spilling his guts as they get closer and get more intimate and very much boyfriends

and hawks is so livid and he cant help but fuck around with endeavor the next time he sees him. and like he’s just so much more distant to him. he can’t begin to wrap his head around it. and he’s so broken that like.. the one person that he saw as his true hero. that “saved him” is a horrible person behind closed doors

the one person who he was inspired by and agreed to join the commission’s forces for is just horrible

there’s just a lotta solidarity between hawks and dabi and a lotta shared anger and hurt

and they’re boyfriends and it’s great but also like hawks isn’t a horrible person

neither is dabi ??? i mean listen they’ve both killed ppl. they probs will continue to kinda do it. but it’s always just horrible ppl

like listen killing ?? not great folks??? but also like idk man.. 

they also def leave kids outta this 10000% 

anyway p much they end up ditching the LoV too. try to get some of them outta that shit. like toga who has become like a sorta lil sister for dabi in a way

they both just feel so horrible and gross seeing kids get into that shit

also like the girl needs some HELP. some therapy and rehabilitation idk

idk i love the morality shit with the LoV but might not play with it too much here

anyway they end up doing their own thing and the commission is quick to denounce him and just ruin his image

and try to kill him lmao they made him a perfect hero which could be a perfect villain and if he isn’t working for them he’s working against them (i mean he is) and needs to be Stopped Permanently

anyway here’s the snippet. my single brain cell that helped write this has left my body:

At this point, Hawks wasn’t so sure he was even real. His existence felt fabricated. Each smile or joke carefully placed. Each movement was calculated. He didn’t act out of line. His interviews were carefully thought out months in advance if not lies that he himself began to believe after years of telling them. His penthouse had just enough “personal” touches that when he had a spare moment to invite someone over it actually seemed like it could be a home. Hawks’ original motivations were squashed and were pushed aside unless they created an interesting story. His natural mannerisms that came with his mutation quirk were learned to be suppressed. Hell his own name sounded like a stranger’s to his ears. That is if anyone even knew it. 

“Is there anything real about you, hero,” Dabi spoke. His back wasn’t fully to Hawks, left side presented to him as he set a framed graduation photo down and fully faced the winged hero. Dabi stuffed his hands in his pockets and tilted his head to the side some, waiting for an answer. Hawks snorted and gave him an unamused look.

“I’m as real as they get, hot stuff.” He kept a casual air about his words, hands spreading out in surrender. “Not sure what else you expect.”

Hawks was on edge, but he wouldn’t let the villain know it. They were supposed to be meeting soon, but once again the villain pulled something unexpected and had been waiting for Hawks in his own apartment. Hawks’ feathers twitched slightly, sharpened edges ready for the command if it came. Dabi leveled him with an unimpressed stare. There was a moment where their gazes met in an intense battle, though Dabi’s look softened as he broke out in a lazy grin.

“Y’know... You might be just as much of a mystery as I am, Pretty Bird.”

“I think I’m a pretty open book myself.”

“I think you like to let people think that.”

“And I think you’re just trying to fuck with me. Can we just get to what you came here for? I had a looong day and kinda wanna get some food and some sleep.” Hawks punctuated his words by stretching his arms up high before shedding off his coat, goggles, and headphones. He tossed the coat over the back of his couch and dropped the gear onto the end table. He hoped Dabi would just drop this whole line of thought, take this as some sort of submission, and be satisfied enough to leave. 

Wrong.

“Oh, we can get to that later… You, on the other hand, are much more interesting.” He moved closer, hands coming out of his pockets as he crossed the room to stand a few feet from Hawks. 

“I’d love to be a great host and entertain you, but unfortunately I wasn’t expecting any guests today.” Hawks crossed his arms and watched Dabi carefully, eyes narrowing some in challenge. 

“That’s too bad. You know, I’ve been doing some research on you. I don’t quite think you are who you say you are, Hawks.” The winged-hero tensed just ever so slightly before forcing his muscles to relax some. He didn’t like the way things were going. While Dabi’s fire was his ultimate weakness, he’s sure that he’s fast enough to put a sharpened feather to his throat and end this all here and now than Dabi would be if he wanted to put the spy to an end.

“And who do you think I am then, Dabi?” He raised an unruly eyebrow. His primaries ached to shoot out and end this, poised at the ready.

Dabi blinked slowly, bright turquoise eyes disappearing for a moment before shining under heavily lidded eyes. His grin stretched a bit wider, tugging on where healthy skin met the grafts. 

“I think you aren’t the hero you put out there… Or the person you say you are. You like to say a lotta nothin’ don’t you?” Dabi stepped closer and Hawks’ fingers twitched but his arms remained crossed.

“I think you like to pretend to be this airhead bird. Like to use that name. Like to look like you’re the perfect little hero... You’re good at it, too. You aren’t though, are you… Takami Keigo.” 

Hawks had a primary feather in each hand, on pressed to Dabi’s throat. It pressed in just enough to draw some blood from the marred skin grafts. He could feel the heat radiating from Dabi’s skin and particularly from the small flames in each of his palms, but the villain made no move to use it against him. He just continued to grin. 

“What’s the look of surprise there, Birdie?” Dabi purred. 

“How do you know that name?” He demanded, crowding further into Dabi’s space. 

“Like I said, I did my research. Now unless you want to end up on the crispy side of cooked, I’d ease the fuck up,” Dabi’s voice took on a slight bite towards the end and his grin lessened. “And here I was going to tell you that you can meet the boss finally. Thought you might be real League material.”

Hawks instincts and mind screamed to press the sharp feather further or at least hold his position, demand answers. His judgment told him to ease off and soften the feathers once more. Hawks didn’t move too far from Dabi, though the primary feathers in his hands softened and returned to his wings. The heat radiating off Dabi died down along with the flames in his hands. Steam left his skin as he killed the flames. 

“Much better… We don’t want any incidents like that when you get to meet the boss, right? You’re lucky I’m a lot more patient.” Hawks wasn’t sure what this was all about but didn’t argue with him on that point.

“Glad to see your fake little hero persona is starting to crack.”

do you write au's? if yes, could you please write debut-sf-author!magnus and big-fan!alec? before finishing his book magnus wrote inspirational tumblr posts&essays so thats where alec knew (and fell a lil bit in love with) magnus so now he goes to magnus' book launching event where magnus is supposed to sign and spread put some first copies but alec is clumsy af so when he gets there he runs into a bigass book stack and THAT surely gets magnus' attention magnus kinda softly screams to him 1/?

WHO ARE YOU then with a sigh he begins, i'm-- but alec cuts him off by going on a giant monologue beginning with "magnus bane" (as he thought magnus would continue) then describing everything he knows abt his life, ex-jobs and whatever else he knows. then after a long breath he barely whispers "i'm alec lightwood. um, sorry i mean alexander. but you can call me alec if you want. but you didnt come here for that; you probably want me out of here dont you" 2/6

then magnus says "i was gonna say im impressed at just how clumsy one can be" but alec "it doesnt usually happens, i swear! but i was so nervous abt meeting you that i made a disaster..." to all the other ppl who were there and kinda heard everythung they said, magnus "im sorry everyone but it looks like we're short about 50 copies, id say" he shoots a lil glare at alec but then he sees how miserable he feels while picking up books with bent covers and missing pages and his face softens 3/6

he doesnt give alec a definite answer abt staying or leaving immediately so while alecs picking up books magnus silently goes back to talking about the book and signing whatever books are left, ending the event much faster everyone but magnus and alec leave, so magnus helps alec at least put the books back even if he's internally crying at the mess "so, alexander, huh, you said?" magnus's trying to cheer them both up even tho alec feels like shit and magnus wants to kinda cry 4/6 

they kinda begin talking while cleaning up the mess and magnus asks him abt alec's life "since you already know TOO much about mine" (to which they both laugh  a little) alec starts talking abt himself and he kinda forgets that hes talking to his idol  and begins seeing magnus as an actual human, so his nervousness is gone, which makes him quite charming to magnus after they finish magnus offers to take alec back home in his car but alec assures him he has a bike (he cares abt the world OK) 5/6      

magnus observes hes never actually ridden a bike so maybe alec is actually something else than he first seemed so before alec can go and "get out of your head" (which is funny since his thoughts were kinda all abt this guy right here in front of him who seems to be like more than he shows to people) magnus tells him " i know this might seem a little inappropiate but im only at the beginning of my career so it probably doesnt matter that much... 6/6 

First of all, thank you so much for waiting. Life has been pretty hecftic lately and I’m so sorry it took me so long to answer this. I hope you like it! 

Alec could hardly contain his excitement. He was finally going to meet Magnus Bane. The Magnus Bane! Alec could tell by the amount of people in line that not a lot of people knew just how great Magnus was. The line was a decent length, but Magnus deserved so much more. He was releasing his debut novel today and Alec was thrilled when he found out that Magnus was going to be doing a book signing at the local bookstore. 

He had discovered Magnus on Tumblr years ago, when he was first starting out as a blog. He would post these wonderful essays about loving yourself despite what society wanted you to think and how everyone should be proud of their sexuality. At the time, that was what Alec really needed. Only Izzy and Jace knew that he was gay and Magnus’s posts gave him the courage to come out to his parents. He knew that Magnus would never really know who he is, he just needed Magnus to know how much he has impacted his life. 

That was one of the reasons why Alec was there. He wanted to thank him in person, also, Alec just adored his writing and had a little crush on his work. 

Alec looked ahead, there were about five people ahead of him. It wouldn’t be too long before he would be able to meet Magnus. 

Soon, he was next. The lady in front of him was just finishing up. He felt his heart flutter with excitement. The lady thanked Magnus and turned right into Alec. To get out of the way, Alec dodged her, failing to notice the stack of books right next to the table. His stomach dropped when he heard them all fall onto the floor. Mortified, Alec looked at Magnus, who stared back with his eyebrow raised. 

“I’m--,” Magnus began.

“Magnus Bane,” Alec cut him off. He then scolded himself for interrupting him. “I’m sorry. I just really wanted to meet you. I started following you on Tumblr years ago when you were first started out and...well your blog meant, means a lot to me. We were a lot alike, from where we lived to the kind of people we surround ourselves with, our hobbies. When you made that post about being proud of being bi, it got me thinking. I wanted to be proud of who I was and to embrace it like you did. So I came out to my parents and my life has been so much better since. When I heard that you were doing your book signing here, I just really wanted to meet you, to thank you.”

Magnus stared at him with a blank expression on his face. 

Alec sighed and said a lot quieter, “I’m Alexander Lightwood, but you can call me Alec. But you probably don’t care, especially after,” he gestured to the books on the floor. “I should leave, you probably want me out of here, don’t you?”

“Actually,” Magnus said. “I was going to say how impressed I was with how clumsy a single person can be.”

“I swear that doesn’t normally happen! I just was trying to get out of the way and wasn’t really paying a lot of attention because I was so excited to meet you!” Alec looked at the scattered books and started to pick them up. He just felt so bad, some now had bent corners and pages and dents in the covers. 

“I’m sorry, everyone, but we now appear to be fifty copies short.” Alec caught Magnus’s stern look. It softened when he saw Alec trying to fix them. Alec gave him a small smile and continued to pick them up because Magnus didn’t tell him to stop or to leave. He felt so guilty for ruining the man’s day.

Magnus sat back at his table and resumed to sign the remaining books. Alec couldn’t help but overhear him talk to the people. He was so kind and genuinely seemed happy to talk to them. He was truly amazing. Too bad he ruined everything. He watched as some people had to leave because there were no more books, although they were promised new signed copies in the mail. By the time Alec was picking up the last book, Magnus squatted next to him.

“So, it’s Alexander, right?” He picked up a mangled sleeve. “Since you already seem to know about my life, why don’t you tell me about yours?”

Alec couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “It’s not that interesting, I’m working on my masters.” 

“In what?”

“Business” 

“Why that?”

“I don’t know, a part of me thinks that with that degree I would be able to help people.”

“That’s why I wanted to write, I wanted people to know that they’re not alone in this world and that there are people like them out there. I hope you know that it really did a lot to me when you told me how my writing has changed your life.”

Alec smiled at him, “Yeah, well, I wish it could have gone smoother.”

“Well, it made a rather dull day quite exciting. I hope you know that I’m not upset with you or anything. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Thanks, I was worried that you’d hate me,” Alec straightened himself up.

“I don’t think I could.”

Alec’s heart fluttered a little in his chest. 

“Honestly I should probably be thanking you for ending it sooner, my day started with me spilling my coffee all over my expensive rug that I just bought. All day I have been thinking about how much I want to just drink tea and watch something on Netflix.”

“That’s me on most days,” Alec replied.

Magnus laughed, “That’s the good life.”

It was weird, it’s not like Alec thought that Magnus was some superior being. However, he never really thought about his life outside of his writing. To hear him talk about his bad day made Alec think more as Magnus the person rather than Magnus his idol.

They walked out of the shop together. “Where’s your car?” Magnus asked.

“I don’t drive.”

“Oh, well, I can drive you home.” 

“No, it’s okay, I have a bike.”

There’s a look in Magnus’s eyes that Alec couldn’t decipher. It was almost a fond look. “I know this might seem a little inappropriate but im only at the beginning of my career so it probably doesn't matter that much but would you like to go out some time?”

Hi sweety! How are you doing? Sorry I’ve been so absent recently, but I’ve been thinking a lot about life, the things I wanna do. I even went to a 3-day immersion power course on how to live in high performance. A lot have happened around the house, some bad, but some very good! Since your last reply, I’ve been brewing thoughts in my mind about the photo blog I wanted to do and you inspired me so so much with your courage and passion that I finally made it! That’s why I named it pp-epiphany. +

Even if nobody sees it, I’m happy. There’re few posts, cause I made it very late at night, and still there’re no pics of Japan, buuut I posted some I took from my grandparents’ farm (I don’t know how to translate “chácara” properly) this weekend. Bit by bit, I’mma fill it with places I’ve been and homemade foods! I’m no professional photographer nor do I own a prof camera, so please don’t be harsh hahaha Now responding to the last reply! Thank you! So so so much! It means more than you think! ++

Even if nobody sees it, I’m happy. There’re few posts, cause I made it very late at night, and still there’re no pics of Japan, buuut I posted some I took from my grandparents’ farm (I don’t know how to translate “chácara” properly) this weekend. Bit by bit, I’mma fill it with places I’ve been and homemade foods! I’m no professional photographer nor do I own a prof camera, so please don’t be harsh hahaha Now responding to the last reply! Thank you! So so so much! It means more than you think! ++

Esp when most 99% of the compliments I hear are filled with pretense, just to please and gain sth back). Even so, I won’t change my way; the goodness and sincerity in my heart will stay. Most ppl are not nice to me, and that’s the main reason I choose to spread love and happiness. We usually hear only bad things; I think that’s very wrong; we have to speak our minds and that includes positive things (but only when it’s due; never to please). I do hope ppl were more like this too; like you. +++

You have a good heart, you’re kind, strong and inspiring. We’re already changing the world; bit by bit, coloring it vibrant hues. Even if I weren’t interacting, I’ve been noticing you posting and replying a lot more. I’ll take that as a very good thing. I’m ecstatic your job and coworkers are this nice to you! Even your boss! You deserve it! Every time I hear about all the new and nice things that’s happening in your life, I get so excited! (and proud). ++++

Success isn’t mainly about money, is a whole lot of things. And to me, you’re very successful now and I just can hope it grows more and more! Love you to the moon and back! Have a great day and even more amazing week! 🥰😍😘💜🌕 PS just out of curiosity My top 5 fave fruits are 1. Banana 2. Mango 3. Cherry (only the sweet ones) 4. Apple 5. Watermelon - just basically fruits I can eat at room temperature (I really cannot eat cold foods; and may even say I dislike some)

/////

hello!!! sorry for the late reply ): like always hahaah. but wow 3-day course! i’m not sure if it’s the same but i’ve really been into self help books lately. they’re super fun! if you like that type of thing, i think smarter, better, faster by charles duhigg was a really good read and i loved outliers by malcolm gladwell. they’re really good books to start out with. really cool stories in the books that are just so crazy… the mind and the world is just so interesting. 

sorry to hear that some not so good things have happened ): i hope everything’s alright!! and about your photo blog :D i checked it out! love the pictures and love your reblogs!!! made me feel so nostalgic that i logged into my old blog where i reblogged photography and other stuff. was nice to be back on there for a while haha now i wont check it for like another year again lol. but anyway i’m so glad you started that photo blog! that’s so exciting (: i hope you take more photos! and bro don’t worry about not having a pro camera or anything. photography is meant to be fun and as long as you have something that can take a pic, then it’s good enough. and apparently chácara is ranch haha but sounds like you had fun there! anyway can’t wait to see your japan photos and i hope you continue to take more photos, explore your city and etc. or just take photo of things that make you happy (:

truth be told i’ve had this photography instagram account idea for the longestttt time and i really hope i get around to actually posting on the account some day… one day haha.

ajsdhjsakhd you’re really the sweetest bean in this entire universe but you know what i think i’ve come to learn that a lot of the time, if you have the right mindset, life’s just a lot nicer that way. it’s just keeping that mindset strong and trying to see positives in every situation, beauty in all the small things. gratitude has been really life changing for me. just being thankful for small things really makes life nice. and big things too! like when you send such sweet messages to me (”:

i’m sorry that the people around you aren’t genuine ): that’s tough ): but i’m glad that you don’t let that bring you down! keep spreading kindness and love bb 💕 sending you all the love in the universe!!!

haha oh my god i really talk a lot on this blog. and you guys don’t even see half of it. i literally have 900 posts in my drafts and i mostly dump whatever’s in my brain and save it in my drafts lol. but aw thank you! yeah i’m having fun at my job and it’s a lot of work and there’s a lot to learn but i feel like im being challenged so i like that. but thanks for being so supportive ugh you’re literally the best. know that i’m rooting for you in the very same way!

it really means a lot for you to say that to me and yeah success to me is being happy! so if you’re happy, you’re winning at life. and i know money isn’t everything but i did my whole budget on an excel spreadsheet the other day and it was so gratifying hahahaha. it’s very nerdy but i love excel a lot.

that’s a neat list!!! i love cold watermelon and mango haahha but i get it cold food isn’t for everyone! god i love mangos and if there’s one thing i miss about the tropics, it’s the cheap tropical fruits 😍 nayway i hope you have a great week and an amazing month! i wish you nothing but absolute happiness (: i hope everything is going well for you bub. seeing you in my inbox just makes me smile x1000000!!!

HalLUDOween!!

So last weekend I went to HalLUDOween, aka Ludo's one night only, first time in six years concert! They're my favorite band and since I didn't think I'd ever get to hear them again in concert, of course I had to go. Even if it was in St. Louis, an approximately 11 hour drive from home lol But @biffelderberry and I figured it would be worth it, and it so was :D

We started out early Friday morning since it was going to be a long drive and we had to pick up a rental car since neither of our cars was up to such a drive. Of course we found out like an hour into the drive that the model we got had had a recall put out that very morning, but thankfully we didn't have any problems with it. The drive was actually not too bad, despite being so long and being mostly a drive through boring wilderness. We'd put together an approximately 13 hour playlist, so we had plenty of music to sing along with. And we made lots of stops at Taco Bell so I could get their potato tacos bc I'm apparently obsessed lol I ended up eating Taco Bell for every meal Friday, which was probably not a good idea, but it tasted fucking awesome.

(Me, left, and Biff at the beginning of the drive.)

Made it to the hotel around 8 maybe. There were two guys from Chicago in the check in line in front of us who we think may have been there for the concert as well, but the cool part was when we went down to breakfast in the morning, we met two other ppl who were there for the concert! They were from Wisconsin and California, so it was cool to talk to them for a bit about how much we all love Ludo and were so happy we were getting to see them again. We'd planned to use most of Saturday to explore St. Louis, since we'd come so far anyway. We'd wanted to do a ghost tour, but that didn't end up working out, but we did do a few other cool things. We went to an antiques store where we couldn't afford anything, but it still had some really interesting stuff. Then we went over to Grand Street, which I gather is kind of the popular downtown street. We ate at Lulu's Local Eatery, which is a small, hippster-y vegan place. I got the mac n cheese and Biff got the sliders, both of which were fucking delicious. Also very filling, which was a little disappointing bc we'd hoped to share the carnitas loaded tots after lol After that we went to a nearby comic book store. The owner was super nice and we talked to him about Ludo a bit (I was wearing my Ludo shirt) bc apparently everyone in town knew about this concert lol He'd had some other ppl in earlier who were going, I think from New York? Or maybe Arizona. We basically spent the whole weekend hearing from ppl in town about ppl coming in from out of state for the concert. Anyway, after that we did a little more walking around, mostly bc we wanted to look at all the pretty trees, and then went to Walmart to pick up some food (they have a So Delicious cashew milk chocolate cookies and cream ice cream that is to die for!). And crosstitching stuff bc Biff wanted to do an AO3 inspired bookmark design, and I thought it sounded fun as well. Also got some face masks bc why not. Which actually turned out not to be the best idea... When we got back to the hotel, I tried out my clay mask and it didn't go well. I did put a little too much water in it, but I don't think that accounts for how I apparently had an allergic reaction to it. Seriously, when I took it off, I looked like I had a rash all over my face. Thankfully my makeup skills were enough to cover it up, but I did end up sitting with a cool cloth on my face for awhile just to be sure the only reaction was the rash. Here's a picture of me post concert with half my makeup wiped off (the red side was waaaay better than when I first took off the mask):

So got ready, blah blah blah. And then it was time for the concert!! Costumes were encouraged, but since we didn't actually bring any, we just dressed up. My outfit of the night, which I loved bc I'd been waiting for an excuse to wear that crop top:

We took a Lyft to and from the venue since we didn't want to deal with parking or driving back at who knew what time. Which was probably a good thing bc the whole area around there was packed. More so for the second show, where the lines were literally down the block, but even for the first show. Bc of my trying to deal with a sudden allergic reaction rash, we were running a little late, so we got there like halfway through the opener. He was pretty good from what we heard, so I'll probably look up his music at some point. We had assigned seats in the balcony, which I was really glad of even if they cost more than GA down below. We would have had to get there hours early to get a good place there and would have had to stand, which I really am not up to for long amounts of time. But our seats were actually really good and we had a fantastic view of the stage. Except for the railing being right at eye level lol Since the concert was Halloween themed, they of course had some Halloween elements for the stage and their costumes. There were a couple of big, glowing blow up ghosts on either side of the stage. When the show started, about a dozen ppl came out in sheet ghost costumes and ran away around for awhile until it was just the band and they took off the sheets to show they were wearing skeleton onesies. Which I really really want one of now tbh.

Here's the vid I took of the intro. It was honestly so so awesome to see them in concert again. The first and only time I saw them before was in 2011, which was right before they basically broke up (ie they all just drifted away to other things and the band was no more). They did pretty much the song set that I'd been expecting, though there were a couple of things they sang that I hadn't expected. (They'd done a poll on twitter with Topek, Girls on Trampolines, and a couple of others, so since Topeka won I wasn't expecting them to play Girls on Trampolines.) And they did my top three favorite songs of theirs! Including Andrew going solo on my absolute favorite, Horror of Our Love! I took a vid of that too of course, which you can prob hear both Biff and I singing along to. They ended the concert with a cover of the Ghostbusters theme song and having a bunch of kids come out to throw candy to the crowd, which was a fun way to end it. There was no new music, aside from the two covers they did, which I think all of us had been hoping for. Even though we knew it was unlikely since the week before was the first time they'd all been in a room together in years. Still, the music and the experience of being part of the crowd was just as fantastic as last time. So yeah, the concert was amazing all around and totally worth the ridiculous drive :D After, we went down the block to the merch store, bc there was definitely no way I was leaving without something. We stood out in the cold for an hour waiting in line, which was fine except for the couple behind us was being really critical of the show and really annoying. We found out the reason it was taking so long was that the band was in the merch store talking to fans and signing stuff and taking pictures, which I hadn't expected. Of course their handler started telling them they needed to leave basically as soon as we got up to the front of the line. But! They were being pretty slow about it bc they wanted to keep talking to the fans, so Matt, the drummer, ended up at the door at the same time we were and he gave us hugs! He also said thanks for coming again, which made it sound like he recognized us? But idk. Anyway, as awesome as that was, the best part was apparently the girl behind us really wanted a hug from him and we were the last ones he hugged before leaving. Vengeance is sweet :D Anyway, I ended up with a t-shirt and a poster for the concert, plus a couple smaller ones from previous tours that they were giving away for free. There was a really cool tree print that I wish I would have gotten, so I hope they put that up online. There was a vinyl of the last CD as well that I wanted, but I really didn't feel like I could justify that as well. Maybe they'll put it up online too.

We took a Lyft back, which was a bit of an experience bc we had to cross the street to get to our ride and some asshole apparently was tired of waiting in traffic and tried to speed around while we were in the crosswalk. He stopped in time, but Biff really thought he was going to hit me :/ But we made it back to the hotel safely and met the lady from breakfast again. We ended up talking to her for awhile, which was fun bc she's been following the band for a long time and is apparently knows them personally bc of that. Sunday morning we slept in a bit bc we'd been out so late. We were both very glad we had decided not to drive home that day lol We went back out to Grand Street and had lunch at Lemongrass, a Vietnamese place there. I got the tofu summer roll and sesame tofu, and the sesame tofu was seriously good omg. After that we did some more walking and went to a bookstore we'd seen on Saturday. It was really cool and had a pretty fantastic variety of stuff spread out over three levels. We met a local Ludo fan there (we were both wearing the shirts we bought) who hadn't gotten to go to the concert and talked to her a little. Afterward we went over to the St. Louis Art Museum since they were supposed to have a textiles exhibit that sounded really interesting. We didn't end up finding it, and we only got to stay about half an hour before they closed, but it was still really fun. Plus they had some gorgeous views out front, some beautiful fall maples, and a statue of, apparently, Saint Louis.

We thought about going to the zoo after that, since it was literally across the street, but they were having some Halloween event and there were hundreds of small children everywhere. We decided that wasn't something we wanted to deal with lol So we went and picked up lunch from Fred and Ricky's Plant Delicious Foods, a lttle vegan grab and go place, instead and took it to eat at the hotel. The food was pretty good, though probably the best part is that I found out they ship nationwide, so I can order from there sometime if I want. Which is nice bc we really don't have many vegan places here. Monday it was time to leave. Because the drive home was long and we had to get back before the rental place closed at six, we got up at 5 am to head out. It wasn't too terrible, but we were definitely still tired. And I fell coming down the stairs with my suitcase and bruised my ass. It still hurts :/ Drive home seemed longer than the one there, probably bc I didn't really want to be going home lol It's so interesting how every time I go away for a fun weekend, it hits me when I get back how much I hate living at my house and in my city and in Texas in general. So I guess good motivation to try to find a way to move out sooner rather than later. So the weekend was fantastic! There were a few other places we would have liked to go, like the City Museum and some more vegan restaurants, but overall we hit some good places and had a lot of fun. Plus just the landscapes up there were so so pretty. We don't have trees like that in Texas lol But we're definitely thinking of going back to St. Louis sometime to see some more stuff. And maybe see Ludo again, if this concert was a sign of things to come! But of course it coudn't be all good. My throat was feeling a bit scratchy on the way home Monday, and by Tuesday I was pretty sick. Thankfully I had the whole week off plus Monday and Tuesday this week (I'd been hoping to go to a Star Trek meet up this weekend, but I couldn't afford it after all). I'm hoping I'm well by the time I go back to work, but it's been kind of a sucky way to spend my time off! But still worth it for Ludo lbr :D

(If you want to see the food pics I took, they’ll go up on my food blog: @foodandmind)

writer tag!!

tagged by @princedeadend​ and @wittyy-name​ (on my main, but most ppl who read my stuff are on here so im gna do it here :’0 follow my main if u want @charmkvark​ its a peaceful place full of cats and anime and other peoples text posts) thank u guys!

1) How many works do you currently have in progress?

Just Deepest Shade. I’m not good at dealing with multiple wips... it is... how u say... a strésse... HOWEVER, I have some indulgent scraps of smutty sh0tor in my notebook and whenever I reread them I’m like “damn this is so hot someone should write this” and then look at my hands and cry

2) Do you/would you write fanfiction?

Well yeah. That’s why y’all are here isn’t it? My ultimate goal has always been to write original, though. Fanfic is a way for me to flex the writing muscles and learn how to tell the stories I want to tell. Also, having an audience is wonderful, as is making friends who share my interests.

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

If you’d asked me a year ago, I would have said paper books hands down. But living someplace where books in my language aren’t liberally sold, and being a student with a lot of heavy textbooks, makes me really appreciate the magic of an e-pub file. Paper books are a lot better before bed though, even with my blue-light killing piss filter :/

4) When did you start writing?

I don’t know. I can’t remember, just like I can’t remember learning how to read. The earliest documented piece of my writing is from when I was 3. It was a story about a horse that I typed in all caps, printed, and illustrated. I was a proto-brony.

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

Kat is my go-to person and absolute lifesaving gem. Honestly, I love her so much. Make friends with her, you will not regret it. Amena is always there to let me rant at her, too. (I’ll be tagging them both at the end of this sgjdklsdg,,) Also, talking ideas with @pining-keith is absolutely magical and it’s all of your losses that we aren’t unleashing our brand of k/ance on the world because literally nothing compares to it, literally nothing. It is *kisses fingers like a french chef* thé bésté

6) Where is your favorite place to write?

In theory it is in a cozy coffee shop, contemplatively sipping a hazelnut latte. In practice I end up getting most of the writing done in my bed at 2 am when I’m too tired to doubt myself and just vomit all over the page.

7) Favorite childhood book

I was a Warrior Cats kid... Also really loved Coraline (my first Gaiman book), and the Uglies series. And probably 309258236098236 other books that I’m forgetting about. I read so much that my mother banned reading during dinnertime. Like... yeah, it was that bad lol. Also, not a book, but I can’t leave out the W.I.T.C.H. comics and how INCREDIBLY formative they were.

8) Writing for fun or writing for publication? 

I have always wanted to be published, and, like ... it was a special kind of rush to see my name on the full-page spread I’d written about my favorite video game, right there on paper. It’s absolutely something I’d love to do for a living.

9) Pen and paper or computer?

I always draft by hand, because I can’t write chronologically am always switching between scenes and drawing arrows and squeezing things in between the lines. Then I piece the scraps together on the computer. It is hell.

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

I went to some kind of writing camp when I was 11 or so, and took creative writing as an elective in high school. It was not an enormously useful class, not least because it ended up being in a double 8 am slot, but I did get a trip to Italy out of it so that was lit.

11) What inspires you to write?

Certain places, atmospheres, and moods. If I’m ever in a place that makes me feel, for lack of a better word, sublime, I want to take that feeling out of my chest and spin it into words to preserve it forever, and share it with someone else. (You can google Makoto Shinkai’s art for some of the many scenes that make me lose my breath.)

Tagging @konekat and @sir-klancelot as well as hmmm @stargazershiro @chronicallyhaughty @kcgane @archaicsextoy and whomst ever else I know who writes!! If you write and you’ve talked to me then you’re taggedt!!!!!!!!!!

[170907] Fan Accounts of DなSHOW Vol. 1 in Nagoya - Day 2

So when asked, Daesung couldn't name his favorite Queen song, but he said the first one he liked was We Will Rock you. He sang a bit. DS explained that he used a half-body sized mic stand for his first solo tours because Freddy Mercury used to use that sort of mic stand and often when he seeks inspiration he gets it from Freddy Mercury. He said it's really unfortunate that he can't see Queen in real life. He did a very accurate immitation of Freddy Mercury on stage with his mic stand in hand, "drinking a beer in between & there he goes again" 🤣👍 He said a very heart felt "thank you" with his eyes turned towards the ceiling thanking Queen and Freddy Mercury for all the inspiration.

cr. mshinju

My friend got to ask Daesung a question at today's Dna Show!  She asked him to sing a bit of his favorite Queen song. He thought for a while & said that it was difficult to choose so in the end he sang a bit of We Will Rock You, the Queen song he heard first. So great!His voice is perfect for rock songs! Should sing more!😭 He also mimicked the way Freddie Mercury holds the mic and moves on stage 😂

cr. susifg

Daesung spotted one of BIGBANG's security guards in the audience (regular audience seat) today. He checked many times if it's really him then when he was sure, he greeted him and thanked him for coming (he was rly surprised to see him) and thanked him for always protecting BB.

cr. mshinju

Daesung said that he conserves his perfect eyesight because he rarely read a book when he was kid 🙊😂

cr. susifg

Daesung was asked about the worst experience he remembers when being in another country and he said that since he doesn't go out much it all depends on the quality of the hotel they're staying in 😅 He remembers in particular the hotel in New York where the stayed while filming the Bad Boy music video. It was really cold at that time of the year and he couldn't manage to make the temperature of the shower as hot as he wanted it. He couldn't make his body warm in the cold NY winter and he remembers it as the worst thing so far 😅💦

cr. susifg

Q: What do you always carry on your handbag?

Daesung said that the most unusual stuff he carries are face soap and lotion. He talked abt this brand of soap he's been using for a few years,the only one he uses & demonstrated how he spreads it on his face w/ his ring finger 😂

cr. susifg

Q: A person from what country do you wanna try dating?

Daesung said Japanese. He thinks their personality is very compatible with Koreans'. Daesung added that since ppl date w/ marriage as goal in the long run who knows, if he keeps working in Japan he could end up marrying a JP.  Apparently Daesung has been told often that his personality is similar to Japanese ppl's so he'd like to see what it'd be like dating a JP.

cr. susifg 

Q: What's your ideal day plan for a date?

Daesung said that it depends on what the girl in question likes to do, if she likes to go out, etc. But if the date was based on his preference Daesung: "Then the answer is very simple: MY-PLA-CE. You can do all sorts of stuff at home 😏" Then he added: "Reading, cooking, watching tv... Then at the end of the night 'Bye bye! Take care getting back home!'👋"

cr. susifg

Daesung said he feels so lucky to have met the members of his solo band, that they're closer than just friends, more like a family by now.

DS: "even without planning it beforehand, my band members know me well enough to add impromptu performances to whatever I do on stage"

DS: "So I feel like I am really living such a happy life every single day"

DS "And to have such warm, kind, sometimes perverted (😆) fans... I feel really lucky & it rly makes me treasure every encounter with you."

cr. mshinju

Daesung said in both events today that he'll keep doing his best to keep making us happy & bringing us joy, stay by our side for a long time

Daesung: I will always be right here (on stage). I'll always be waiting for you (= fans).

cr. mshinju

Q: What's your favorite among your hair styles until now?

DS: Hmm. My current one? I think it's the most popular. I myself like it too.

cr. mshinju

Q: What place at home is the most comfortable place for you?

DS: I think anyone who likes to spend time alone at home can relate to this. I'm mostly in my bedroom. I don't spend much time in the living room or anywhere else. I can do everything right next to my bed. I just arrange everything I need in range aroubd me at the next to my bed: e.g. my laptop, charger, vitamins, books I soooometimes read, the remote control, etc. I can do everything from my bed. If I need to go to the toilet, I can aim right from my bed. Guys can do that.

After saying that he apologized 3 times for steering the topic into such a dirty direction 🤣 🤣 and quickly went on to the next question.

cr. mshinju

DS said he's often told that his personality is similar to a Japanese person. He thinks that's one reason why he continues having work in JP.

cr. mshinju

Daesung said whenever the topic goes into a perverted direction, he never knows what to do. He said he's really bad with that sort of topic.

He has mentioned this a few times in D na SHOW tour so far - that his personality actually doesn't fit his sexy/yabai image at all 🤣

cr. mshinju

A fan asked Daesung the brand of his earrings but he doesn't know.He changes them when his stylist tells him to and wears what she tells him

cr. susifg

In the singing part of the 1st event Daesung was wearing a see-through black shirt. Some fans in the first rows were giggling because they could see his belly bottom so Daesung opened his jacket and straightened up his chest so that we could see better through his shirt 😭💕 Then Daesung pointed to the audience and said: "I'm wearing this for you" 🤣 🙊 💕

cr. susifg

Daesung shook one of the sequin fringes of his jacket loose, noticed, put it into his pocket & said he'd give is to his mom "as a souvenir" 🤣

cr. mshinju

The other day in Nagoya Daesung said that he really really really didn't want to appear in Weekly Idol 😅💦 Daesung explained that it's a show done in a completely empty set where only idols go and do all kinds of silly stuff 😭 He said that for BIGBANG the high-speed choreo game is really easy cuz 99% of their songs are free styling and a tiny bit of in-sync choreo 🤣 Daesung then showed us the hip move at the beginning of BBB at regular speed and at super high speed (all while singing the lyrics 😭) and then he did the arm movement during the chorus of BBB and said that that's the only part all the members do together in-sync (so easy! 🤣)

cr. susifg

I'm so happy. I sat with a new group of ppl at lunch today and we were talking about terrible schools we'd been to and I mentioned the one where I was sent to the principal's in fourth grade for being a witch (I didn't know actual witches were a thing back then) and when I was explaining why I just casually said "well I liked Harry Potter and women" and they started screaming laughing like "WHAT YOU BEING GAY WAS THE 2ND THING YOU MENTION OF THOSE TWO" and I love it when straights get our humor

(Lunch anon) and they teased me for dressing like Marty McFly (which I almost do but not that much!!) and they were like "well do the girls like it?" And I said "hell yeah" and they all high fived me. I also told them about the time I was accused of spreading witchcraft at that school (again, wasn't) and one asked "well were you turning other girls into witches" and I said "if you mean hp fans, no, but if you mean gay, fuck yes" and they all lost it. Straights are better than libgays tbqh

Ah yes, alliance amongst the straighties! 😂

This ask filled my heart with joy as I read it. I am so very happy for you, that you found yourself people you can share your (amazing) sense of humor with, and who accept you for you!

Also I too got my Harry Potter and Twilight books regularly taken away for Witchcraft reasons, and in the very first week of being at this new school, our religion teacher brought in a text about how Harry Potter was inspired by “a dark angel” (aka the devil) in J.K. Rowling’s dreams, and how it was all about dark magic (lol)..

So high five for being a witchling lesbian in school! ✋

Most of my friends in school were either straight or bi girls with a strong preference for men, and most of them were religious, and didn’t really appreciate my love for Harry Potter and other weird fandoms... So I’m really happy you’re having an opposite experience here (and that you have friends who know who Marty McFly is !!!)

Anyway, yes, enjoy your newfound friends, I wish you the best!

/Mod A 💖

Didn't say people shouldn't study Kant. Duh. I just said he contributed to the formation of a new world-view which included biological racism. Unlike Aristotle, who actually could not know better, Kant could, for there were anti-racists of all kinds in XVIII century Europe. That's it, no need to be stingy or to bring about Heidegger. And no, Greek (the romans had no racial notions) racism was not based on biology, but on language+culture. They were ethnic nationalists, not biological racists.

Also, nobody said Kant invented biological racism. That would be as absurd as the claim that *nobody was ever influenced by one of the greastest thinkers of the enlightenment*. The sound point that can be made by underlining the fact that Kant wrote these thing is that the Enlightenment had a very dark side, the classification of humans in biological races, something that did not exist before (and that's a fact). If that de-romanticizes the period and its heroes, without demeaning it, good.

it’s still not faith-based nationalism and actually while romans didn’t have our race/ethnicity based-on-skin-color concept vitruvius while going off someone greek I now can’t recall wrote things that really don’t sound very PC in that sense so someone used those notions in their work. and the greek-based descriptions were on the lines of ‘darker *races* are weaker at fighting and without a spine while *lighter races* are all the contrary’ so like... it wasn’t exactly an unknown concept. but like, no, I had to bring up heidegger because if people refuse to study kant because he was a white supremacist then they should doubly refuse to study heidegger but guess why I see no one and especially not mpoc mentions that but is all about kant.

whose *contribution* is, again, not relevant because if kant hadn’t written his opinion on racial theory biological racism still would have been a thing same and refusing to study his stuff on account of his racist opinions which did not contribute significally to the aforementioned theory. again, he wrote something about it in 1775 which is basically the beginning period when he’d write about all kinds of stuff that in some case he retconned or changed his mind about later and when no one thought he was an authority or anything and then there’s something in the anthropology, but the anthropology is from the 1790s and by then his additions wouldn’t have changed anything about the entire situation, so his contribution is... things literally no one cares about in the great scope of things.

like, I’ve been studying philosophy only six years and I can 100% assure you that at my first class ever which was about aristotle I’ve heard the misogyny thing about fifteen times when it wasn’t even about the book he wrote that in but it was on every monography and I only took one on aristotle only, I’ve taken like idk eight if not more on kant and the thing came up while I was reading the anthropology for my thesis. if it had been this relevant someone would have mentioned it, also because differently than with heidegger people these days have no issue listing **problematic** elements of classical/enlightenment thinkers if they’re useful to the class/to what you need to know. I’m not stingy. I’m saying that people refusing to study kant for his **white supremacism** are refusing to study kant in light of one of the most irrelevant (objectively) parts of his thought and he might not have gone against it but he didn’t even give a contribution that amounted to anything since literally no one followed him with his equal seeds turning into different races changed by weather theory. and if you want to know something about western philosophy and want to do it without kant good luck but you’re fucked.

also:

Also, nobody said Kant invented biological racism. That would be as absurd as the claim that *nobody was ever influenced by one of the greastest thinkers of the enlightenment*

too bad, mpoc actually said that. I followed her when I was on tumblr at the beginning because it seemed a cool blog, then I saw an ask which pretty much was like (approximated but it’s been five years pity on me):

anon: but if there were so many pocs in europe as your paintings show (spoiler: she darkens them in photoshops and thinks that southern italians are poc but nvm) then why is europe racist against black people?

her: europe wasn’t racist towards black people before the enlightenment (note by me: k maybe not black people tho I have reasons to call bullshit on that but she prob. wouldn’t consider moors black in this case so) but then KANT, HUME AND VOLTAIRE HAPPENED AND THEIR OPINIONS CHANGED EVERYONE ELSE’S.

so.... like... yes, someone actually thinks that he at least contributed to invent it when at most he hopped on the train with a half-assed suggestion that nobody picked up, and like I can give her voltaire tho he hardly invented it, but while hume had his extremely un-PC opinions too he had a very peculiar way of seeing things and anyway he hasn’t INVENTED anti-black racism in europe as well. same as kant. and medievalpoc is what she is and we all know how influent she is. so. and I never said that kant didn’t influence anyone, I’m saying that when it came to biological racism there was a long-ass list of people that would influence others more than kant could, while when it comes to revolutionary critical thinking there was no one on that long-ass list before kant, and if ppl refuse to touch that because of political reasons then they shouldn’t be in a philosophy curricula since everyone in a philosophy curricula is somehow problematic by our modern standards especially the moderns.

also obviously everything has a dark side and no one denies that the enlightenment had its own, but see, the thing is that every time I see this topic touched on tumblr it’s all ‘enlightenment thinkers were horrible racists I’m never even reading them!!!’ and it turns into ignoring the actual good that they did (including idk inspiring the american constitution and the entire way the system works because the division of powers is an enlightened construct) or their importance for good or bad in history, and the moment you say ‘thinker X was a white supremacist/a racist’ everything they say is suddenly valueless. now, maybe to you it’s not because you’re not the typical tumblr user, but a lot of people here are that black/white about these matters and if it starts spreading in unis we’re fucked.

and anyway I still have to mention heidegger because if anyone should be roasted for their racism/*****problematic opinions***** in this field it should be him but somehow it never his. ;)

some rly random ed recovery tipsiezzz!!

uh yeahh, mainly towards thoughts, ”milder” cases - like me, i struggle with mild anorexia and mild asf bingeing, but mainly i have A LOT of anxieties and thoughts and weird behavior around food and exercise - aka whether you’ve lost/gained a lot of weight or not, your struggle is valid. in all cases.

uhh idk this ain’t universal just some shit that worked for me

- makeup is fun. find that point of joy of looking in the mirror - instead of using makeup to look ”better”, use it to find a new way of looking at urself in the mirror. some youtubers/ppl i like: evelina forsell, linda hallberg, itslikelymakeup, klaire de lys, sammiespeaks, sherliza moe, um yeah.

- another one for trying to love yourself and your own image - get some cute ass lingerie. honestly. i’m having great troubles seeing my own naked body in the mirror, but if i’m wearing a black lacy bralette? i don’t have time to hate my stomach or smth.

- no but basic self care, actually seeing your body as something that deserves time, is great. showers, moisturizers, painting ur nails, that shit.

- recognize your triggers. learn what your triggers are. not everyone is triggered by thinspo pictures. some of my biggest triggers are people complimenting my body and newspaper articles about healthy eating. learning your triggers can help you avoid them, sure, but remember that you will never be able to completly avoid all your triggers. u gotta learn to work around them. which is hard and idk how. also, understanding your triggers help you understanding where your illness came from.

- work on not caring about what people think. this will probably take years. but it’s needed. it surely is. and i mean not only in regards of how your body looks, but also other things. what films you like. what makeup you wear. what clothes you wear. what food you eat. i think fake it ’til you make it is a great place to begin here.

- friends are great n helpful, if u have close friends u care abt n u know they care abt u - talk to them. tell them how you feel. show your inside hurt through words, u don’t have to show it through your body. talking to my best friend, who also suffers from anorexia though, had helped me a lot. it has helped her too. but!!!!! don’t talk to friends if you’re not sure they will listen or understand or if they actually care!!!!! mistake i’ve made. it’s horrible.

- therapy is kinda good too, no but honestly if u have the money go to it. my therapist didn’t help me at all, but even that experience - that the state can’t fix everything - helped me too. i’ll try going to another one too, esp since it’s free where i live, and i know friends who has had great experiences.

- helping ppl is something that is kinda good - it helps you see the worth in yourslef and the changes u can make in the world. however!!!! if u are a ”giver”, like me, and you give yourself and all your energy in pieces to literally every one you get to know and like you want to help and heal everyone - you will get exhausted. u need people who give YOU energy too. people who are there for you in return, people that actually care for you. srsly.

- working out is not something u generally should do, however for me, as an over-exerciser it was impossible to just stop and well, baby steps is the way to go, so i do yoga. it’s also nice and calming. idk can also easily turn into an obsession but i couldn’t survive without it, honestly. keeps me somewhat sane, a healthier way to cope.

- baking us hella fun. also a great way to practice being close to The Scary Stuff, aka the food. it is a lot of fun.

- saying yes to shit. live a little. doing stuff will make u feel strong and powerful and the universe will send u people and stuff and you will have fun and live a life. trust me. it’s great. scary, awkward, tiring, weird, hard, but hella worth it.

- yt vids are fun to watch and help me calm down. find aesthetic cute channels with calming voices.

- sleep a little less. be wild. experience the world see the beauty. even if it’s just on the internet. have some fun.

- hang out w friends. they (if they good n worthy of being ur friend) will help u forget anxious thoughts, u will ahve some fun and feel supported.

- acknowledge dont ignore the thoughts. !!. ur thoughts about food and weight will always be there for you. you won’t always be strong enough to aggressively ignore them. ignoring them takes energy. learn to live with them. think the thoughts u have from start to finish, feel the little ting of anxiety in your stomach, and move on with your life. it’s just a thought. it’s there, yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s true or that you have to act as it tells you to. if it feels easier, tell someone that u are having a Thought.

- recognize others behaviour and help them!! so many people struggle with, if eating disorders, disordered eating - aka general undiagnosed anxiety around eating. u are a pro at ed’s, so recognize these behaviors, and if they are a close friend, talk to them qbout it - or just about how their life has been lately, if there is anything bothering them, talk about toxic beauty standards, etc etc. use your power of ed knowledge to stop it from spreading.

- recognize other compulsive issues in urself. behaviors might come back as other unhealthy coping mechanisms - try seeing if you’re starting to do something else that is harmful instead of controlling just your food intake.

- it will take years.

- fiction bitch fiction. escapism. podcasts, books, films. hide from the real world and it’s horrors, find strength and inspiration in the characters.

it’s gonna be great. i believe in u.

QUIPS

I kissed her cheek and stood. “Besides, you’re the best mom I’ve ever had.” “I bet you say that to all your moms.”

(In reference to the baby he’s carrying) He raised his cynical eyes to her and grunted. “If he gives any indication that he’s going to shit or vomit, I’m pointing him in your direction.” “And they say chivalry’s dead.”

“What happened?” asked Hermione, her tone inevitably concerned. “I barely touched you.” “Shoulder…dislocated,” he rasped out. “You let me slap you when you’re injured?” “I didn’t let you slap me,” he replied drolly. “Evidently, it’s just a habit you have regardless of whether we’re in a relationship or not. Charming, by the way.” “How did you dislocate your shoulder?” “Folk dancing.” “Draco.” “Fighting bloody Death Eaters.Obviously.”

“Well, maybe in the master bedroom. That bed is more comfortable.” The haze of sleep was easing away, and I found myself grinning at him like an utter doofus. “I thought this bed was nice.” “Because I was in it?” “Wow.” My goofy grin spread. “Good to see your ego is still functioning normally.”

(her but looked great in her jeans)

Today I wore a pair of white jeans and a black sweater that made me feel as if I was seconds away from stripping off my clothes and finding the nearest pole.

I glanced over my shoulder and Roth raised a brow as one side of his lips slipped up. “Can you walk in front of me?”

He chuckled deeply. “Not in this lifetime.”

(Why a pre-med student does not want to be a gynecologist)

If I’m going to have my hand inside a woman’s honeypot, I’d much rather it be for pleasure than for work.

The music is soft in the background, but soulful and deep. I like it. “What’s this? A study playlist?” He shakes his head. “A playlist? Nah. It’s the Black Keys. I buy whole albums, not individual songs. I’m not afraid of commitment, babe.” I smirk at his strange innuendo. “Good to know.”

“What will they do once I take you off the market?” I ask. “I can only imagine the poor girls wandering around like a lost herd of sheep all summer, wondering where you went.” I risk another glance at the staring girls and shudder. “Do they even blink? Baa. Baa. Baa.”

“How long do I have to keep up the happy part? I’m getting a cramp.” “That’s the spirit.” He chuckles,

Matt helped her with her golf swing in the auditorium at lunch. Matt was the captain of the golf team, and Ariadne was thinking about joining, although first she had to learn how to play. “Cassie, why don’t you put that book down and come learn how to golf?” Ariadne called to her cousin. In response, Cassandra opened another book.

“Sound jealous, don’t you?” “Not likely,” I replied, turning my e-reader back on. “Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. One of these days you’re going to admit that you’re madly, deeply in love with me. It’s my boyish charm—hard to resist.” “If you’d gone with your body being irresistible, it would’ve been more believable.”

"You’re going to do fine,” he says, rubbing my arms. “Do not give me a half-time inspirational speech,” I order. The last thing I need is some rah-rah-rah about being my best.” “Sure. We can go to the bathroom and fuck away your nervousness.”

“In my head, this went a lot smoother,” I offer. “How so?” “Um, I guess I throw up my arms and say ‘surprise,’ and you say, ‘Goldie, you’re a sight for sore eyes,’ and then I respond with, ‘you, too.’ After we get those awkward, trite greetings out of the way, you haul me into your arms and give me a movie star kiss. We pretend it’s raining and that we’re at the end of a Nicholas Sparks movie and you swear your undying devotion.” “According to my mom, everyone dies at the end of a Sparks movie, so my devotion appears to be short-lived.” “True, but the promised love is undying, so even after your ticker gives out, the devotion lives on.”

Football is a religion around here, and he is the chosen messiah. Which sounds kind of sacrilegious considering the fact that he’s smacking a brunette on her ass as he leaves her at the classroom door.

“Nicknames are important. Feel free to pick one out for me. I can provide a list of suggestions. Big Guy. God. Master. Awesome Master.” “How about overweening ego?” I offer.

So if I did what my dad always wanted, I’d be married, with two kids, no education, wondering which strand of pearls I should choke myself with before my husband comes home smelling like his secretary.

I feigned disinterest, kicked out my legs and got more comfortable on Dad’s recliner. “Her name’s Lois, not Laney.” Mom smiled. “Well, I think I’m going to call her Laney. I like it better. It suits her.” I scoffed. “You can’t just go changing people’s names, Ma.” “Why not, Bobby Jo?” she sang. “Who the hell is Bobby Jo?” She laughed under her breath. “You are now.” I laughed with her. “I think I prefer Lucas.” “You still didn’t answer my question, Bobby Jo.”

"Garray already got to you, huh?” “I think he must be an acquired taste,” I mumbled.

She sighs. Then a slight smile breaks through. “I’m going to miss seeing your ugly face every day.” “Shut up. You love my face.” Her eyes roll. “Yeah, it’s like looking into the sun.” “So beautiful it hurts?” I ask, unable to contain my smirk. “Blindingly painful.”

“Next question?” “Why are you such an ass?” I laughed under my breath. “Everyone has to excel at something, right?” “Well, you’re doing a great job.”

Johnson pulls out some bills. “My treat this time, yeah?” “Excuse me while I take in this moment,” Rolondo says expansively, his arms open wide. “Johnson—punk ass, cheap motherfucker Johnson—is paying.”

Gray and Ivy’s wedding. Now that was a drunken blur. Good times.

“I was thinking—” “Uh-oh. This can’t be good.” “Smartass.” She grinned.

“Your team definitely has… potential.” “I don’t know if potential is the right word,” I tell her.

“Okay, but you’re going to have to snap the ball to me.” “Snap the ball?” I make a face. “Like bend over…” His grin is evil. “And I put my hands between your legs. Don’t give me that look. Dex does this for me every game.” “Is this the point where I launch into a diatribe about the blatant homoeroticism found in football?”

“Where have you been?” she asked. I arched a brow, fighting a laugh as the heat raced across her cheeks and down her throat. “Well hello, honey, I’ve been out boozing and whoring. I know my priorities are pretty off.”

“Sara, you know you’re the only girl for me.” He laid a hand over his heart. “I’m just passing time until you realize that.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw two girls at a nearby table watching his display with equal expressions of jealousy and dismay. “Yeah ok. Cool it Romeo,” I said, laughing. “Before you break every heart in here and start a lynch mob after me.”

“You’re such a dick sometimes.” I didn’t lift my head. “Don’t really think that’s breaking news.”

“Sex shouldn’t be work,” he insists. “It should be easy. Girls come to us, give us a good time, and we send them on their way with a nice thank you and maybe a pat on the ass if they’re extra special.”

“I pity your bed partners.”

“They have a good time,” Gray says. “A great time.”

“Sure. You let them do all the work while you lay back like a lazy shit. Sounds awesome for them.” He gives me a sour look. “Well, you sound like a girl.” “If I was one, I wouldn’t be f**king you.”

“But Henry really wanted me to go, and you’ve been moping around the house lately.” “I have not been moping!” “Staring out the window,” she insists. “Like some tragic Jane Austen heroine.” “Austen’s heroines aren’t tragic. They are empowered.” “Says you. All those repressed feelings and prideful denials.” Her snub nose wrinkles. “Pathetic. Just own your emotions already.”

“Hey.” His smile grows. “I’ve been thinking about you, Jones.” “Don’t strain yourself.”

"Oh, Garrett, let’s not talk about the time we ‘got to know’ one another. I know forty-five seconds was probably an all-time high for you, but trust me; most girls would prefer at least a minute,”

"I’m gonna be sick,” I say. “I’m ordering you not to,” says Obi. “Ah, don’t say that,” says Dee-Dum. “She’s a born rebel. She’ll puke just to make a point.”

“Maybe he just has a type,” I challenge. “The only type Carrick has is pretty with a vagina that’s open for business.”

The promise of a cheap beer and a joint win out over chivalry.

“When I was in town earlier, I went to that store that sells English food, and you’ll never guess what they had.” Her face is all lit up. “Alcohol?” That’s just my wishful thinking that she bought me some.

Lisa trails after me, oblivious to my sarcasm and still gushing about Graham. “He’s so gorgeous. Like unbelievably gorgeous.” Her voice lowers to a whisper. “And I hear he’s amazing in bed.” I snort. “He probably started that rumor himself.”

“We don’t need alcohol to have fun, Reagan.” “You sound like an after-school special.”

“You look damn good in a Sentinel uniform.” A hot flush that had nothing to do with embarrassment spread over me. “So do you.” “I know.” I laughed outright. “Wow. Healthy ego there.”

“Stop being a bitch,” Magda spoke up, contributing her first words for the day. “What? You got a patent on it or something?” Zoe returned

Him: How bout tmrw night? I’m free at eight. Me: Can’t. I have the Spanish Flu. Highly contagious. I just saved your life, dude. Him: Aw, I appreciate the concern. But I’m immune to pandemics that wiped out 40-mil ppl from 1918 to 1919. Me: How is it u know so much about pandemics? Him: I’m a history major, baby. I know tons of useless facts.

Shaking my head, I laugh. “God, you’re so—” “Good-looking? Hot?“ “I was going to say cocky.” “Endearing, isn’t it?”

“Just out of curiosity,” she says, “after you wake up in the morning, do you admire yourself in the mirror for one hour or two?” “Two,” I reply cheerfully. “Do you high five yourself?” “Of course not.” I smirk. “I kiss each of my biceps and then point to the ceiling and thank the big man upstairs for creating such a perfect male specimen.”

So he’s a mutt,” he said. “No,” I said, looking at the shaggy bundle still baring his teeth in Jude’s direction. “He’s well-rounded,” I added.

I fingered the lid of my coffee cup. “He introduced me to that Blaze reastaurant on Thayer. It was really good.” “I think it was the company more than anything,” Jared said, his eyes softening.

(teaching a maths question)

I explained his mistake and started writing it down in my own girlie script. “Do you see how I got there?” Ryan nodded, unsure. “I see how you got there, getting there on my own is the persistent problem.”

“You’re not old enough to drink,” he grimaced, ignoring my accusation. I leaned closer to him. “We don’t tell the bartender that,” I whispered.

“You can’t make her drink that many shots,” Shepley said. “Travis. Tell him.” Brazil held up his hand. “I’m not making her do anything. For every shot she drinks, she gets a twenty. It’s our present to her.” His smile faded when he noticed Shepley’s frown. “Your present is alcohol poisoning?”

“I drink,” he said. “I also smoke. But that’s one thing they won’t let me do in here.” “Disgusting. I’m even less attracted to you than before.” “What are you smiling about?” “You just said you were attracted to me.” His self-satisfied smile was contagious. “Yeah, but that was before you spoke.”

“Intimate relations. Intercourse. Coitus. Doing the deed. Nookie. Fornicating. Laying pipe. Screwing. Sex. Tapping that ass. Fucking. Need I go on?”

“I don’t like country music.” “No one does. Just roll with it.”

“What rhymes with insensitive?” I tap my pen on the kitchen table, beyond frustrated with my current task. Who knew rhyming was so fucking difficult? Garrett, who’s dicing onions at the counter, glances over. “Sensitive,” he says helpfully. “Yes, G, I’ll be sure to rhyme insensitive with sensitive. Gold star for you.” On the other side of the kitchen, Tucker finishes loading the dishwasher and turns to frown at me. “What the hell are you doing over there, anyway? You’ve been scribbling on that notepad for the past hour.” “I’m writing a love poem,” I answer without thinking. Then I slam my lips together, realizing what I’ve done. “I just have one question,” Garrett starts. “Really?” Tuck says. “Because I have many.” [...] “Hey,” I say as inspiration strikes. “What if I steal the words to “Amazing Grace”? I can change it to…um…Terrific Grace.” “Yup,” Garrett cracks. “Pure gold right there. Terrific Grace.” I ponder the next line. “How sweet…” “Your ass,” Tucker supplies. Garrett snorts. “Brilliant minds at work. Terrific Grace, how sweet your ass.” He types on his phone again. “Jesus Christ, will you quit dictating this conversation to Hannah?” I grumble. “Bros before hos, dude.” "Call my girlfriend a ho one more time and you won’t have a bro.” [...] (He texted her the love poem) Her: Don’t quit your day job, Emily Dickinson. Me: Hey, u didn’t say it had to be GOOD. Her: Touché. D- on the poem. Can’t wait to see your collage. Me: How do u feel about glitter? And dick pics? Her: If there’s a pic of your dick on that collage, I’m photocopying it and passing it around in the student center. Me: Bad idea. You’ll give all the other dudes an inferiority complex. Her: Or an ego boost. All in all, Ellis seems like a decent man, and when the kids thunder out of the locker room and greet him like he’s Jesus Christ brought back to life, my opinion of him climbs higher. “My mom has officially dubbed you a ‘good catch.’” Dani takes a seat next to me on the back steps of the small two-story house where I’ve lived all my life. I tap my glass of sangria against hers. “That’s solid. I’m going to put that on my Tinder profile.” “Jesus, she’s hot!” Dani grabs my phone to pinch and zoom, first on Sabrina’s face and then the rest of her body. “Are you sure she’s not bi? Because it’s a crime that she has to suffer through life with a man.” “I thought maybe you’d want to spend the weekend with me.” And he’s quick to offer that reassurance again, adding, “No expectations, by the way. I’m not inviting you to, like, a three-day fuck fest or anything.” I snort. My boyfriend, ever the wordsmith. Hunter snaps, “It’s that we suck.” Hollis tips his head. “You got laid last night, didn’t ya?” The dark-haired freshman furrows his brow. “What does that have to do with anything?” “Everything. We embarrassed ourselves in that game, got our asses kicked, and you still had chicks lining up to suck on your knob. Doesn’t matter if we win or lose—we’re still hockey players. We rule this school, dude.” “Spoken like a man without ambition,” Garrett says, his lips twitching. "Uh-huh,” Logan says as if he’s in agreement, but I’ve known him long enough to be able to pick up on his sarcasm. “Anyway, this girl…she’s the love of my life. She’s smart and funny and unbelievably compassionate. She forgives people even when they don’t deserve it. She—” “Good lay?” Pace interrupts. “Oh yeah. The best.” "Was the sex really boring?” “Why is everything with you always about sex?” I pass the joint back. “And FYI—the sex was fine.” “Fine?” He snickers. “Wow, what a ringing endorsement.” (Texting a manwhore) Garrett: Allie’s gonna crash in my room. Garrett: Your dick can stay in your room. "Did you have a girlfriend in high school?” I ask. He waggles his eyebrows. “I had many.” “Oooh, what a stud.”