#its hard to control a large amount of ppl | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

everythingsinred · 2 years

Note

Hello! I’ve been reading your character-relationship analysis’ of Natsume and Natsume/Mikan’s, and was curious about your take on Hotaru’s relationship with Mikan (rereading GA has had me bawling, as well as now being in the LGBTQ+ community noticing the subtle/heavy implications of Hotaru’s sexuality and Higuchi’s consideration of Hotaru even being one of Mikan’s love interests) as well as Narumi’s character development from when he had met Yuka, leading to his relationship with his students throughout the story (in flashbacks he’s very cold to smol Subaru and Sakurano after Yuka’s departure, but the earliest memory after that would probably be him scouting Ruka, Aoi, and Natsume). By then, he appears to be similar to the Narumi we usually knew—cheerful, enthusiastic, but above all showing genuine concern over his students. In fact, I’d even argue he seemed a bit more genuine with the children at that time than compared to when Mikan first meets him. He just felt oddly less involved with the ESP and the ESP’s plans when he scouted the trio (upset and angry that Persona had resorted to such dirty means even under the principal’s orders to the point he even slapped him, whereas it’s hard to imagine him lashing against a direct order from the ESP by the time he met Mikan.

Comically though, a small comment on Koko’s character in the story would be cool, too. He’s often played as comic relief, but it’s reinforced time and time again that he knows knows practically everything. His character is interesting when you put into perspective he’d be aware of all of the sacrifices Natsume had been making as well as his abuse, the darkness within the elementary school, everything that Mikan and co. had to go through throughout the story and etc. A small part of me wishes the kids in Class B had bigger roles in the latter half of the story, though I’m satisfied with their relationship with/to Mikan at the end (after all, I still sobbed at her graduation scene and their ‘memories of Mikan’ classes).

thanks for the message! im glad you read my analysis!

for hotaru, im probably not the right person to ask about this b/c i dont have particularly strong feelings about hotaru/mikan as a relationship. i do see hotaru as being queer in some way but im not really that interested in her having a romantic relationship with mikan, and even their canon friendship (as opposed to in fanfic) leaves me a bit... idk the perfect word to put here but like?? lukewarm ig? i think thats sacrilegious or controversial to say but its just a feeling that disappoints me as well. i have cried hard for them and i like their general dynamic, but theres something lacking abt them that i cant rly put into words. i would like to have felt more strongly about them, if that makes sense. its not hatred or even dislike or apathy. just more mild feelings than i would like. their friendship has potential, imo, but i just never considered it to be fully realized. but in regards to a romantic ship, then as a staunch natsumikan shipper, its hard for me to enjoy imagining them with other people, personally. but you have a lot of cool thoughts of your own and thats great! <3

like im pretty sure anybody who ships other ppl with natsumikan will end up being disappointed in my mikan pov natsumikan analysis bc my biases will be made pretty clear in that regard lol ;) but thats bc i dont write about things i dont like or that im not as interested in

i think i mentioned in my essay that i find narumi confusing as a character. his motivations and actions are really weird and sometimes hard to pin down. really i think hes the most mysterious character in the whole manga and any attempt to analyze him would probably lead to more questions than answers. hes a paradox lol. i cant really give u a "take" bc my take is just... who knows with him lol?? hes an enigma

i dont think koko is always using his alice though. he seems to have a large amount of control over it and only uses it for pranks and jokes. otherwise his character seems malicious, implying that he would know things about luna/persona/esp without letting any of the other kids know. but i think theres some evidence in the manga that hes not always using it, like when other characters tell him to use it (mostly natsume re:mikan like when she first transfers into class b or after the labyrinth). koko likes teasing mikan about who she likes, for example, bc he likes pranking ppl, but he wouldnt out somebody for something serious or keep something dangerous to himself. he says a few times something about "accidentally reading" somebodys mind. so i think he has some control over it, and isnt always reading ppl's minds 24/7, if that makes sense. im sure he knows some important/sensitive info particularly abt natsume, but probably on accident. but there isnt much he can do as a powerless kid so he keeps it to himself bc its all he CAN do for natsume.

i really liked the graduation/memory classes as well but tbh the ending could have perfectly utilized the smaller roles in class b if it had been longer and gone on for one last arc. i mean imagine the quest to find hotaru! natsume not using his alice so as to keep his life span longer and mikan having very little alice left means that other characters can finally have a bit of focus, like ruka as well as other class b characters! i like to think about this idea a lot lol. idk in general class b deserves more attention and love

sorry if these answers are disappointing. i have opinions on all these things but i dont wanna prattle on too much. thank u for sending me this ask! <3 have a lovely day or night depending on ur time zone!

#im not hating on hotaru/mikan i just dont ship them personally #theyre not my cup of tea i should say #i have a take on everything in ga i guess. im also not like some high authority either i just really like this manga #and i reread it every few months bc i am a crazy person #but my favorite part of ga is natsumikan so thats where most of my thoughts go #i love almost all the characters but natsumikan are my favs both together and individually #i have Opinions about hotaru but tbh theyre not bad or good just strange and i doubt many ppl are interested in them #anyway thanks for sending this message #my answers are probably disappointing. sorry :(#im a little tired after writing all day today and im a bit sleepy but i like answering asks fast bc if i dont then i never get around to it #<3 have a nice day/night #ga #answered #long post #anon #anonymous

7 notes · View notes

thicc-anxieties · 2 years

Note

sorry to bother you, I just have OCD and I haven't started therapy yet, but it's just so hard, I feel like the most disgusting person and I just... Does it ever get better? Is it possible to learn to live without this agony? I can't see a way out and I'm freaking out. I'm an anxious mess, a crying one, and I feel so disgusted with myself

Hi, here are some resources that have really helped me on my recovery journey : Youtube : OCDandAnxiety

Chrissie Hodges

Support groups : OCDPeers : costs $, but has small groups of up to 10 people and typically holds good , productive discussions

NOCD Support : free support groups ! has a large amount of people , so it depends what you prefer, to see 50 ppl sharing their stories is often very helpful , but sometimes not the most organized discussions , I personally go back and forth between both . NOCD for my broader triggers and OCDpeers to ones my OCD is really focused on that week .

Therapy : NOCD : NOCD is great , all of the therapists are specifically trained for ocd and ocd recovery, so you will not find any psychologists who don't understand (if you do , switching therapists is doable ). Has a community posting system , which is helpful for some , but i had found myself using it for reassurance , so not for me. They also provide weekly Q&As on zoom with their therapists, as well as youtube videos with Dr. Patrick Mcgrath.

OCD Online Program : Although not therapy , i find this self-directed program helpful , provides videos , worksheets and exercises to keep your recovery on track . it is hard to get myself to do ERP homework , but having put together worksheets has been good for me .

Non-ERP Therapy : Another option for ocd is of course Cognitive-behavioral therapy , or talk therapy , with a psychologist of your choosing . I would do your own research on this and choose what would be right for you . CBT is extremely helpful for a variety of disorders , but for OCD, most of the help is counter-productive (arguing logically with the thoughts for example ) , and a lot of OCD specialists agree that CBT is more likely to get you caught in a loop. Please do your own research, and see what is right for you .

Books :

The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD : ERP for OCD is very difficult , and is often focused on reducing anxiety/reactions in the wake of the most disturbing intrusive thoughts. Typically , a lot of programs focus on consistent work to get there, and it is more than possible to reach a good point . But, Recovery work is hard, draining, and there is a HUGE grieving process that takes place in the wake of being diagnosed with OCD. Managing those difficult emotions and having compassion for yourself for what you are going through will only ever help the intense work feel easier and more worth it . I would recommend giving this workbook a shot and putting self-care as a priority along with ERP.

You are not a rock - Mark Freeman : A book about being yourself , and letting go of the want to have control over every thought . As he puts it , "thoughts are like bananas, they don't matter " . A often very silly , but practical goal-oriented activity book, it definitely has its value . It is not for everyone, the author talks plenty about success and fitness and "elevating your game " . But it does have plenty of useful advice and activities i think more than anything could help motivate .

Radical Acceptance : Embracing your life with the heart of the Buddha : Whether you are religious or not, believe in the effects of meditation or not, this book provides insight into the life of the author , a licensed therapist as well as Buddist meditation leader , and is highly , deeply, empathetic . Fear shame , guilt , often are the emotions at the core of ocd, this book re-accounts stories from the author and patients on their journey to self-compassion . If you are looking for a self-love book that is far less rigid and do not mind looking through any lens, i think this book absolutely has a lot of value . Meditation , whether based in religion or not, can be a helpful tool in breathing through intrusive thoughts. A big part of ERP , after all , is this practice of staying in the moment and letting the intrusive thoughts loose their weight over time . As with the last books, and videos and all self-care tools tbh, use your own comfortability and critical thinking as a guidance .

I want you to know that OCD is profoundly difficult, it is an absolutely debilitating disorder and the fear you are feeling right now is felt by all who have it. Everyone who has ever had OCD has said the same things as you , including me. Am i disgusting ? will i get better ? Do i even have ocd what if I am just lying ? am i irredeemable ? ERP is difficult , and to be forward with you, most of the work is going to come from yourself , and you have to be very patient. I have developed literally every OCD subset under the rainbow and i have to deal with it every-time i start to get better with a different one. Recovery is an up and down hill process and the truth is , your ocd thoughts may still come and go throughout and after therapy . But with enough practice you will absolutely be able to handle it ! I cannot express enough how much you deserve it , and even acknowledging you have OCD is a wonderful step . Try not to get too discouraged . OCD will find anyway to make you question everything and anything , that is what it does , and it tries extremely hard . I am slowly and gently learning how to interact with my ocd , and actively practicing ERP , though hard , has ultimately greatly helped my thoughts, so i can be prepared to use the tools i have the next time it starts popping up . I wish you the absolute best of luck and hope you can start therapy soon <3 You absolutely got this

#anonymous #asks #ocd #anxiety #trauma #obsessive compulsive disorder #self help

24 notes · View notes

astrolology · 4 years

Text

The Love-Hate Relationship with Stelliums (Pt. 1) ✨

Guysss pls remember that astrology is holistic and this should be read taking into account your overall chart placements, as well as the planets in your stellium and what sign rules your stellium. TAKE NOTE lol

1st house

❤️: You may be a person who is very driven towards a particular goal, single-minded in behavior and with a sense of determination that is hard to beat. The focus is on self-improvement and is rather internally driven - there can be large amounts of time focused on figuring one’s identity out. You’re not afraid to say things as they are - you’re able to dish out criticism hard but you give credit when its due. You extend the courtesy you receive to others. You may have an innate sense of wisdom that you keep deep within that you don’t let slip unless to extremely close ones but in times of hardship you are a good source of motivation. You always seek to improve yourself and it’s hard (if not impossible) to drag you down because of your strong personality and how you tend to always move on no matter what. I think 1st house stelliums are the embodiment of “don’t look back” and y’all always try to make the best out of every best situation, sort of like seeing the silver lining in everything. And also when crises emerge you’re able to keep a calm head on your shoulders and are good at making snap decisions, which makes you good on your feet!

👹: I don’t think y’all are as self-absorbed as ppl make you out to be but there’s definitely an element of self-centredness such that when you do something, you often consider what is most convenient or productive for you. You might get upset when your plans are disrupted but sometimes do the same to others even though you might be aware of what you’re doing - in that aspect, 1st house stelliums can be hypocritical. For you, there is never enough - you’re never satisfied with anything, be it yourself or for other things so you can seem really unappreciative. Keep in mind that you also tend to force others to agree with you and don’t be so quick to dismiss the other party’s POV no matter how dumb it seems. Remember that there’s always something to learn from other people, no matter their status. You need to work on expressing your appreciation to others in a more genuine manner (altho I know y’all do it in gruff, slightly awkward ways when sincere - kinda cute ngl).

2nd house

❤️: You may be a person who has a strong moral code and has a staunch value system that you won’t deviate from no matter what. Sense of loyalty is usually unbreakable and it can take a lot to truly anger you. You can have a good financial sense and good instincts/foresight that allow you to plan ahead for stability’s sake. More often than not in certain areas you are a master of categorising and structuring things which means that your mind is analytical, critical and (usually) organised. You hate it when people think they know you because you (understandably) know yourself the best - there are many privatised layers of yourself that you prefer to keep... private so yeah it just annoys you when that happens. Y’all are a leader in certain aspects of your life and even though 2nd house stelliums tend to prefer being the right-hand man, your control freak tendencies come out and you end up leading anyway. You become really productive because of the fear of failure - you have crazy high expectations for yourself and expect the same of your closed ones (although ultimately you’ll support them in whatever they do). There is an appreciation for the finer things in life and when it comes to your loved ones you’re not afraid to spoil them hard.

👹: Be careful not to let this driving need for stability restrict you from spontaneity and following your heart’s desire. There is an inherent inflexibility in your nature; stubbornness can really be your kryptonite. You don’t really take any opportunities that you think might threaten your security which, while giving you a stable fort, can hold you back in your own happiness + prosperity. You might realise that there is a limit to your perspective but really struggle in seeing outside of that perspective mainly because you spend so much time thinking about what matters to you that you’ve become accustomed to your train of thought (altho when you do break it it’s lowkey groundbreaking). The focus on this house is on stability, not only on material wealth, so while you may be reaping in one aspect you might tend to lack on the spiritual or emotional elements of life. You can be very, very controlling and demanding so you might want to tone it down a little if not people might get the wrong impression. People might think of you as judgemental (and you are tbh) but I believe it’s just 2nd house stellium’s way of assessing a person’s character/abilities.

3rd house

❤️: You may be a person who puts in a lot of effort into various forms of self-expression (not limited to verbal communication but also finding a specific niche such as music, art, writing etc.) Your brain is naturally sharp and inquisitive and you may be able to pick things up very quickly. You might be rather adaptable but are surprisingly stubborn when it comes to your opinion or intellectual capabilities. You might have a dark/dirty sense of humor and because of that you also have a keen ability to see past the societal nuances of propriety and get to the heart/root of whatever a person is saying. You can spend your entire life trying to understand people and why things work the way they work - your brain needs to be stimulated in order for you to feel alive. Passion for you has to be applied in a productive manner - you probably aren’t a person to just take a passion for something as a mere hobby. Rather, you would either apply that passion to one of your existing projects, create a new one or use it as a motivating factor. Your interests are wide and varied, which makes you really well-rounded in certain aspects!

👹: Many people say y’all are flighty beings and I can certainly see why they would think so. Because of your perceptiveness, you tend to change your narrative whenever you’re speaking to different people, so as to make yourself sound more convincing. In that aspect, you can be quite manipulative. Your ego probably isn’t the smallest either haha - you can tolerate being slighted at some things but if it’s a challenge to one of your passion projects you’ll probably become very upset. You need to stop giving people the hot and cold shoulder all the time and even though you’re quite sociable you tend to flaunt but hide your true thoughts. You have to be more open and honest in your self-expression, and not that idealised, constructed version of yourself you think people will find interesting. I’ve noticed that 3rd house stellium ppl have an obsessive need to “stand out” and make themselves feel unique which, despite all your charms and popularity, might be the reason why you find yourself sometimes so isolated. You’re a perfectionist (although you would deny it) and secretly quite controlling but unlike other stelliums you can manage it better I feel.

4th house

❤️: There is a pressing insistence regarding relationships in your inner circle - be it your family, closest friends, or your future family. Extended focus on your cultural heritage can also be possible. Deep down, compassion is at your core and you are very protective of your friends in a silent but aggressive way. Having a stable family life is very important to you but I’ve noticed that more often than not, 4th house stelliums have turbulent family relationships. The beauty of 4th house stelliums is their ability to break through whatever toxic relationships they’ve been in and to create families of their own - be it unconventional or not. They are the epitome of “we choose our own families”. Y’all can be very empathetic and rather selfless to the point where you allow yourself to be manipulated (even though you’re aware of it) - but it’s usually for a justifiable reason. You find it easier than most to balance the emotional landscape but there are moments where you need an outlet to express yourself. There can be an obsession/possessiveness over your own culture - you take pride in your roots and become lowkey insulted when people disrespect it (and if you don’t, you somehow nearly always manage to find some other culture to assimilate yourself in).

👹: Y’all probably get very upset when things don’t go your way but the problem with this stellium is that there is a want to speak out but you choose to bury everything inside instead - giving you a very passive-aggressive and even aloof image. Internally, you guys might think that you are giving off a very soft/giving aura but some people are wary precisely because you are hard to read. You are very, intensely private (rivalling 2nd/7th house tbh) and you have to learn how to share your true thoughts, no bullshit, no suger-coated thoughts with your family and dearest friends even though you are capable of handling yourself. You are independent, ambitious, and people often underestimate you, but you have to let people in first in order for them to know what you’re capable of! Also, idealisation of certain things (eg. a future family life/partner) can be prevalent and you overthink things to the point where sometimes you make yourself miserable. Again, please talk to someone hahaha you don’t have to deal with everything yourself.

5th house

❤️: Insecurity runs rampant in any 5th house stellium BUT y’all are quite paradoxical in a sense that you also have a very strong aura of confidence. Sometimes, in crucial moments, you manage to convince yourself and others that you are the most important person in the room haha - literally the epitome of “fake it till you make it”. Still, a deeply rooted kindness is found in 5th house stelliums such that you’re always looking out for the underdog in the room. If you are developed you probably have a strong sense of righteousness which prompts you to look out for people who might be struggling. Y’all are very concerned about your physical appearance and most of the time you like to keep your body in good shape, which draws the attention of people in the room. You likely have an infectious smile (this is just a hunch but I don’t believe 5th house stelliums smile a lot - y’all quirk your lips or smirk but a true smile is rare so when you do... it melts the hearts of people). Everything that you do will have a youthful flavor and you have a healthy appreciation for downtime/self-care so while you might not (contrary to popular belief) be that fond of kids, kids are attracted to you. Oh and actually I think the stronger this stellium is in a person, the shyer the person seems at first impression but inwardly and as time goes by, they become more humorous and dramatic.

👹: You aren’t exactly manipulative, but you know how to use the power of suggestion (and your charms) to get what you want. If unchecked, it’ll become a habit because to you, it’s an instinctive thing to do and you might not realise you’re hurting other people because of it. You are stubborn and prideful (which isn’t a bad thing sometimes but) you take criticism quite badly such that if a person tries to offer their opinion or goes against your beliefs, you might take it as a personal attack. You have a fear of being restrained/constricted (like 9th house) so you’re actually quite aggressive to those who you perceive to be a threat to your authority. You can also experience extreme mood swings (from crazy happy/hyper to melancholic in a snap) and when you do you expect people to give you attention. But you are hypocritical in this aspect because you yourself can be quite insensitive to other people’s feelings, or you brush them off if you’re not “in the mood”.

6th house

❤️: You are most probably quite an organised person, not in a tidy way (although you could be) but in matters of life there’s an insistence on order and structure. The way you think can be very logical - you are able to think concisely and connect the dots in a quick manner and logic is probably prevalent in everything you do. However, in contrast to this pragmatic behavior, you are deeply caring and you won’t think twice to give up something if a loved one needs it. You are very disciplined in certain aspects of life and you are able to maintain a consistent effort in everything that you do. You’re probably someone who finds joy in small things and although you have high standards, it doesn’t take much to make you happy, as long as it’s genuine. You can be a perfectionist and really quite meticulous in your work which makes you someone who is detail-orientated. You give a lot of yourself to other people and most of the time you don’t expect anything in return, which is one of the great things about 6th house stelliums. You take effort into maintaining your physical health and you mighttt be a fitness freak or someone who keeps track of their diet really carefully. It’s likely that you encourage other people to follow your lifestyle and generally, you exert a sort of mellow influence around other people that makes them want to be better.

👹: There’s a tendency for 6th house stelliums to fall into pessimism, precisely because of your pragmatic nature. Y’all may say that you’re being “realistic” but in actuality it does dampen the spirits of some people. You can also become really unreasonable and inflexible once you’ve made up your mind on something and that makes you a bit narrow minded because you simply refuse to listen to other people’s POV. This can also cause tunnel vision which can really limit your full potential and I think it’s something worth spending your time working on. When pushed into a corner or feeling insecure, y’all might try to cover it up by being condescending or giving the cold shoulder. There’s also a risk of being overly reliant on a schedule/structure and hence, cautiousness when it comes to being spontaneous or embracing something foreign. Because of your affinity towards maintaining health, your hypochondriac tendencies may be exacerbated and you need to try to lessen your over-worrying behaviour haha. Although you never dish out something you can’t receive (eg. high expectations - you’re truly your worst critic), your demanding tone can really make others cautious of you.

OVERALL, I strongly believe that the way to embrace your stelliums isn’t to reject or force yourself to change the values they represent, but rather taking those eccentricities and moulding it into something more precious and beneficial to yourself. It has to be done with a thorough understanding of yourself; with patience.

-C

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #1st house stellium #2nd house stellium #3rd house stellium #4th house stellium #5th house stellium #6th house stellium

1K notes · View notes

lorelei-4 · 2 years

Text

The Faith of the Seven vs Christianity

While discussing asoiaf, I often see ppl use the opinion of Faith as an argument of importance and that makes me truly wonder if they mix the Faith of the Seven with Christianity (mostly Catholic Church), which was, and in some countries still is, very influential upon society. And that is definately not the case with the Faith of the Seven, which I consider one of the least influential Westerosi institutions. And though one can tell that the Faith of the Seven was inspired by real life Christian Faith, they have more differences than similarities.

1. Spread. Christianity in its different confessions is practiced by at least 33% of the world's population, and even before that Chistian (mostly Catholic) Church tried to expand its influence through vast numbers of missionaries. Faith of the Seven is just only one religion in an ocean of other religions with no target of expansion. The majority of its followers are located in Westeros, while Essos is occupied by the large amount of different cults and practicies.

2. Representation of gender. It might sound surprising, but the Faith of the Seven can boast an attempt at gender equality. Christian God is one in three persons, which are all masculine influenced (Father, Son and the Holy Ghost). As for the faith of the Seven, some septons say they believe in one God with seven faces and it has feminine representation in Crone, Mother and Maiden. Christian Church does not have an equivalent to septa. They stand lower than septons, but they are not equal to irl nuns locked in a convent.

3. Influence on science. It's not a secret that first scientists in Europe were monks. Church and science walked hand in hand for centuries and the latter was widely controlled by the former. This is definitely not the case with the Faith of the Seven. They seem to have no interest in science, which had been widely monopolized by the Citadel long before andals brought their faith to Westeros.

4. Place in politics. Catholic Church was a major player on a political landscape. The Pope could fulminate an anathema upon influential ppl, whole cities and countries and use it as his own advantage. Such important families as Borgia and Medici longed to put their representative upon the throne of Vatican. High Septon and Faith does not have such tools. Were they capable to influence Aegon the Unworthy, for example? No. They are not involved with the affairs of the realm and are focused on purely religious life.

5. Property. Christian Church is an owner of vast lands and riches. It is a very rich institution with its own bank accounts. Faith of the Seven owns some land, but the extent is incomparable.

6. Military capabilities. Catholic Church was able to provide its own army both to defend and to attack. Faith was in possession of Faith Militant before Maegor abolished it (and after Cersei returned it to power). Also, it should be mentioned, that according to what we know, Faith Militant was most active during hard times for the realm in general. Smallfolk went to the Faith not only as to the religious institution, but to the organization that showed them interest and care and could protect them from the tyranny of the crown and lords.

7. Rituals. Christian Church has a number of rituals and obligations the congregation has to follow. It includes prayers, punishment for "daily" sins (like repeat Pater Noster 10 times) and such kind of things as confession and visiting church every Sunday. Thus, religion is becoming a very important part of human life and daily routine. Faith of the Seven is limited to a small number of rituals such as weddings and burial, while prayers are more a private thing than something obligatory, we don't know of the fixed prayer texts and thus ptayers truly resemble a conversation with gods.

8. Attitude to other religions. For centuries Christianity had seen all other religions as enemies, even different Christian confessions were in a state of constant war. While the Faith of the Seven coexists with the Old Gods in the same realm. Not fully in peace, but in a state of relative ceasefire.

Thus, I would say, the influence of the Faith over Westeros society is much exaggerated. A strong political will could bid the Faith to follow its lead.

#asoiaf #asoiaf meta #faith of the seven

14 notes · View notes

tsipasce · 3 years

Text

Same Difference Ch.17

A/N: Here is your reward for enduring last week lmao. This one is a bit long, but cutting it up just didn't seem as gratifying so I hope you guys enjoy.

Also, thank you so much for all the kudos, comments and bookmarks on AO3 and FFN-- you guys are too kind :'). I'll try posting more regularly on Tumblr too if ppl wanna read it here. Let me know what y'all think~

There was darkness, then flickers of lights and the occasional overwhelming flow of noises before it ebbed to silence and darkness yet again. First, she felt she was on a hard surface like concrete, then cold metal, then something cushion-like… a bed? Her thoughts were incoherent, presenting more as disjointed words and feelings. Anger, regret, hurt, with a sprinkle of sadness on top. Her body was heavy, every limb feeling as though the blood had been replaced with lead. Her head lolled and she heard someone suddenly shift at her side, the bed dipping under the pressure of said someone leaning on it and over her but was too out of it to open her eyes. Acquiescing, she fell back into unconsciousness.

An indefinite amount of time passed while she was in the darkness before her senses began to return fully. She heard typing, now able to feel a presence nearby. She wanted to open her eyes, but the task seemed too daunting still, simply listening would have to be enough for now.

“I can stand watch for now, if you’d like.” One voice offered, softly.

“What I’d like is to be left alone.” The other replied curtly.

“I see. We’re going to leave in the next few hours, I’ll get everyone ready.”

“You do that.”

Well this guy sounds like a treat… Nanami thought, her sarcasm unsurprisingly returning before the rest of her senses and memories. There were footsteps and then a soft thud, like a door being carefully shut. A couple moments passed before she heard what sounded like a laptop being closed, then footsteps coming towards her, and then silence. She desperately wanted to wake up, but her body refused to cooperate, causing her eyes to flutter behind her eyelids as she struggled in vain to move. She could sense the presence hadn’t left and she felt anxious as to what might happen next before hearing a sigh. She felt a sheet being pulled up to cover her arms, where goosebumps had been forming from the draft in wherever she was.

“I’ll deal with you when I get back.” The voice said with a hint of annoyance, though it was betrayed by its gentle tone. Hearing footsteps growing fainter, a door opened and closed once more. The words themselves were threatening but the way they were spoken, she felt oddly comforted. Falling back into the darkness, she decided to cultivate her energy and try her luck at waking up again later.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Emerging from the darkness again, the pain began immediately. Her head throbbed and she reflexively tried to groan but found her mouth and throat painfully full. Instantly recognizing the feeling, panic set in, the only other thing she could perceive being the desperate need for it to stop. She grabbed the tube, disassembling and reassembling it outside her body. The large obstruction dropped unceremoniously to the floor and she coughed, glad to be rid of it.

“Don’t be so rough with the equipment.”

She rolled her head to the direction of the voice, a bright light hitting her eyes as she struggled to open them for the first time since… Damn. It all came rushing back to her at once, the voice no longer a mystery. Her vision focused and she found herself looking at Overhaul as he sat at her bedside. His mask was on as he stared at her blankly. She stared back for a beat, not knowing how to begin speaking about what brought them to this point. Deciding she should be fully awake and rested for that conversation, she mentally tabled it, opting for their usual banter instead.

“It’s still intact isn’t it?” She cleared her throat, massaging it as she continued, “How long was I out?”

“Three days.”

“THREE DAYS?” Her eyes shot wide, another coughing fit beginning as she raised her voice after not speaking for days.

“Yes, that’s what I said.” He grimaced, moving back a bit at her sudden outburst, “Cough in the other direction.”

“No surprise that your bedside manner could use some work.” She sighed as she adjusted to raise herself up, wincing as her sore muscles tried their best to comply. He promptly rose, putting a pillow behind her as she sat up, his expression blank yet attentive, “Thanks.”

He nodded as he took his seat again and the silence continued, painfully. It felt like their first meeting all over again, neither knowing how to broach the awkward topic. Looking back, Nanami was angry at how insufferably rude he could be but couldn’t ignore her own part in this. A pang of guilt sat heavily in her chest when she remembered how easily she let her emotions get the best of her; she hadn’t told someone off like that in ages. In her mind, it in no way absolved him, but to say it was all his fault would be a lie. In that moment of rage, she… What did I do anyway? She glanced down, now more confused than anything, her brows furrowing before looking at him.

“Let’s chat.”

He readjusted in his chair, leaning back as he crossed his legs and folded his arms across his chest, “Let’s.”

His body language oozed condescension as though she was about to be scolded like a child and she hated it, “Why’d you attack me. Again.”

His eyes narrowed, displeased with how she was beginning their talk,” That was going to be my question to you. I thought we had a deal.”

“What are you talking about? We did—we do—I did not attack you.” she defended. Nanami knew they were both wrong for getting so worked up, but she wouldn’t stoop that low over an argument. “I was wrong, we both were for getting so heated, but I wouldn’t just start throwing hands like that. So again, why did you attack me? I thought… I thought we got passed all that.”

His brow furrowed at the implication, his jaw clenching uncomfortably at the hurt in her voice, “We are. We’re far passed all of that.” He intoned with a level of sincerity that seemed foreign to him. Having spent the past three days chastising himself for putting her in this position, wishing the exchange could be taken back, it was difficult to sound detached. He’d been angry, but harming her had been something he’d put out of his mind some time ago, “I didn’t attack you either…”

They both shared a moment of sincere confusion. Overhaul hadn’t come out unscathed either, having to heal his own head injury as well as a cracked vertebra from the impact once he came to. “Then what the hell happened?” Nanami asked, speaking the question they were both wrestling with. She looked around the room for her bag at the same time Overhaul reached for his laptop.

“We should run tests.” They said in unison. He handed her her notebook from the bag and a pen as they began noting exactly what happened leading up to the explosion. As she recalled the events, there were a number of theories that came to mind, as well as ideas on how to safely perform reenactments of what transpired, but she also remembered the argument beforehand. He was somehow even more quiet than usual, and she could tell his gears were turning that morning, but the hostility seemed so out of the blue. Putting down her pen, he glanced up at her, noticing the sound of her writing had stopped and she was staring down thoughtfully.

“Did you think of something?”

“…Yeah. I did. Why’d you pick a fight with me that day?”

He looked back down at his keyboard and continued typing, “I don’t know what you mean. That little tiff was a joint effort.”

“No, no, no. It may have ended up that way, but you blew up at me after an entire week of solid teamwork. I expect the snide comments and the general air of grumpiness, but that was different… What happened?” He made the mistake of making eye contact with her. She didn’t look angry, just hurt.

Taken aback, all he could manage was “… I don’t know.” He wasn’t sure how to respond to that “emotion” nor did he have any plans to discuss feelings. If he was being honest, he wasn’t even sure why he did it himself. Perhaps it was self-sabotage and he was pushing her away, but to accept that would mean acknowledging they had gotten close; that he had, at some point, made the subconscious decision to stop viewing her as a pawn or even just a colleague, and to indulge the need for far more than their formal arrangement. He wasn’t ready to come to terms with the possible loss of his objectivity when it came to whatever went on between them, but he knew he’d have to confront the undercurrents of their relationship at some point. Right now, they had discovered a possible breakthrough in their research and there was no room for delay. With a ghost of a plan in mind for how to move forward with Nanami, he decided it would be more logical to smooth things over in the immediate moment with Dr. Watanabe; separating the two identities giving him the illusion of control. He continued” But I do know it won’t happen again. That was…unprofessional. How is your head?”

She bit her lip and exhaled, seeing the switch flick in his eyes knowing the wall had been put back up. “It’s... it’s fine. Just a little—no, really sore.” She confirmed with herself, rubbing her hand over the source of the pain to find stiches. Why wouldn’t he just overhaul this? “So, you decided to fix this the old-fashioned way, huh? The stitchwork is impeccable, but why go through the trouble? You could have just—”

“I didn’t want to touch you.”

“… Ouch.” She winced, glancing away as the abrupt response hurt a bit more than she expected.

Realizing it hadn’t been received how he planned, he clarified,” I meant I…didn’t want to use it on you. I was under the impression we had somehow attacked each other and assumed you might not find the prospect of me handling you in that way all that appealing.”

“…Oh. Well, thank you... I don’t mind if you touch me now” he rose a brow at this, “—I mean like to heal or—Oh you know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes before crossing her arms and continuing, “Just… just do it, please.” The last word tacked on with a mumble.

Letting out an amused breath, he rose, motioning her to turn so her back faced him as he removed his gloves. She quickly brushed her hair to the side, missing a few strands. She tensed as he was much closer than she was prepared for, feeling the warmth of his hands against the nape of her neck as he gently gathered the stray hairs and handed them to her to gather in front. Smoothing down the part, he leisurely ran his hands through her hair, losing himself for a second before noticing the tops of her ears had reddened and her breath had quickened at his ministrations. Refocusing, he disassembled the stitches before immediately healing the wound knowing even a millisecond of delay would prove very painful. “Done.”

Cracking her neck and rolling her shoulders, she felt normal again and ready to get out of bed as her muscles had been unused for the better part of three days. Checking the time on her phone on the nightstand she saw it was only 6 am, “So, you wanna go for a run?”

“That’s not funny.”

“Fine, fine. But on a serious note, I think we should head to the lab. I know the deal was 2 weeks bu—”

“You don’t have to bargain. Get cleaned up, I’ll start preparations for testing tomorrow.”

She turned to him, brows raised in surprise, “Well okay then. I’ll see you back at the house.”

“See you there.” He said before exiting her room, shutting the door softly.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

After a thorough scrubbing and stretching, she felt ready to get back to her remaining paperwork, putting on her favorite chunky turtleneck and sweatpants effectively pulling off the lazy-but-still-fashionable look. Brewing herself a cup of tea and pulling out her workbag, she thought it best to not dwell on all the Feels ™ that had continuously threatened to surface, which was undoubtedly exacerbated by their current living situation.

She was woman enough to admit she stared just a little too long, smiled just a bit too enthusiastically, and was way too excited by even the smallest bits of physical contact with him… But it’s just a crush. She lied to herself as though he hadn’t been the most intellectually stimulating person she’d had the pleasure of talking to. As though she’d ever felt silence more comfortable than their time in the lab or simply sharing meals together. As though— Girl if you don’t concentrate... She chastised herself before attempting to neatly compartmentalize her feelings, refusing to acknowledge just how much more difficult keeping them in check had become. It’s just because you’re all up under each other, it’ll pass.

Refocusing on the task at hand, she opened her laptop and pulled out a well-worn file folder, her gaze turning somber as her fingers traced the bend of it; evidence of the many nights she’d revisited it only to close it when the answers didn’t come. In the past month she’d taken on a patient who seemingly had nowhere to go. Many of her colleagues had turned him away, seemingly too jaded to go through the trouble of dealing with such a case. Nanami herself was puzzled when she reviewed his file, but she knew there was no other option; she had to at least try.

Kenta was a very jovial, large person with a personality to match. Built much like a strongman with tusks not unlike a walrus, he was hard to miss. Before he became her patient, she’d see him making small talk with the other patients, encouraging them though he himself was on the way to chemotherapy, his weight dwindling by the day. The previous doctors told him that he had osteosarcoma, a rare form of bone cancer. It was seemingly exacerbated by his quirk that gave him dense bones; they were perfect for diving, but apparently came at this very high price. The treatment had shown mild success, but her predecessors had decided his condition was becoming too advanced and an amputation was in order. After that visit, he attempted to keep his jovial nature, but his physical appearance continued to deteriorate, the medication and tests taking their toll. Full-hardy laughs were interrupted by coughing fits, round cheeks flexed into a habitual smile were replaced with gaunt hollows. Nanami couldn’t help but feel was cruel to be given such great power and still be unable to solve this problem.

She agonized, sincerely perplexed as to why someone as healthy and active as Kenta could have developed such an aggressive and rare form of cancer so quickly. It didn’t helped that after the first doctor’s diagnosis, the subsequent three doctors took little to no efforts to confirm said diagnosis, so she remained thoroughly unconvinced. She was a prodigy in her own right, but that alone couldn’t negate seniority. To go against the other doctors, she would need substantial proof of her theory—and also a theory to begin with.

Nanami was stirred from her thoughts by the sound of the silo being activated, as Overhaul stepped out. It had been hours since she had last gotten up as day turned into late night, too engrossed in her task. She glanced up for a moment, giving an absent-minded “hey” before returning to her work. It was unlike her to brush him off so quickly, and he assumed there were still hard feelings from earlier. Approaching her, he was about to speak before he caught a glimpse of her screen and notes, the file folder and its contents now haphazardly splayed on the coffee table, a few with drops of moisture on them.

“Didn’t I tell you no drinking in the living roo—” he stopped short, hearing a small sniffle escape her, before she attempted to cover it up by clearing her throat.

“Sorry, yeah, no drinking in the living room.” She laughed emptily, gathering the papers that were stained.

Seeing people cry was usually... uninspiring to him, to say the least; he couldn’t understand it, the need for such dramatic displays as an adult. But he found himself making exceptions more and more; she wasn’t one to throw herself on the floor in a tantrum—at least not seriously. Her tears were stifled, indignant, and his curiosity—yes, we’ll call it “curiosity”— got the better of him.

“What are you doing? Crying?”

“No!... Maybe.” She stubbornly corrected, further averting her gaze, hoping to use her hair as a curtain to obscure her face. Pausing for a beat, his attention turned to what he presumed was the source. He read over it as she attempted to fix her face. His brow furrowed, and Nanami turned back to see what he was doing. “Why do you care?”

“Osteosarcoma seems like an odd diagnosis for someone with his age and history.” He noted, choosing not to answer her question.

“That’s what I said!” she instinctually replied before remembering herself, “I mean quit snooping, this is patient-doctor information. It’s illegal to share.”

“Yet you brought it outside your office, to a yakuza base.” He deadpanned, pointing out the hypocrisy, taking a seat next to her on the couch. She pursed her lips, continuing to mull over theories, assuming he’d get bored and leave her be. “If not osteosarcoma, what do you think it could be?”

Knowing discretion was one of his strong suits, she decided to humor him. “I’m not sure. The tumor grew extremely fast and they began chemo almost immediately, so I didn’t get the benefit of a fresh diagnosis. He’d been perfectly healthy otherwise and his line of work kept him pretty active.”

“What’s his occupation?”

“He’s a commercial diver, it’s pretty fitting since his quirk gives him a lot of walrus-like qualities.”

“Sounds hazardous.”

“You’re one to talk. He’s practically made for it so drowning or being crushed under the pressure is near-impossible for him.”

“I was referring to all of the equipment. The fact that he’s kept all of his limbs up to this point is impressive.”

Slowly turning to him, a tired look on her face, she replied “… Your compliments are so very strange.”

Shrugging he continued, “It’s not that odd. The number of divers and sailors I’ve seen at port with mutilated legs is not small.”

Nanami was mid eye-roll when an epiphany struck her. Her eyes went wide, and she began frantically rummaging through the paperwork. "Shit-- wait, online!" grabbing her laptop, she began typing in a frenzy as Overhaul watched calmly. Finding Kenta's online records in the hospital database, she read a file from a month before his diagnosis stating he had been in a diving accident that severely fractured his leg where his tumor now was. She let out a shaky breath of excitement, "MO. It's fucking Myositis Ossificans! This explains why the 'tumor' grew so quickly. It's because it wasn't even really a tumor, just his body's response to a traumatic injury-- This is amazing!"

He felt the corner of his mouth tug upward, as she practically wiggled in genuine excitement. “That diagnosis sounds much more appropriate.”

Facing him on the couch, she reflexively grabbed him by his shoulders, lost in excitement, before realizing what she was doing. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to just grab you like that,” she hurriedly removed her hands before he waved it off. “It’s just... I’ve been poring over this since I got this case but hadn’t thought to make that connection since he never mentioned the injury.” Thinking back for a moment, it dawned on her, “... how did you know to ask?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb, it doesn’t suit you.”

Smiling, he rose, walking to the kitchen, “Would you like a cup?”

Very aware he was evading her question, she rolled her eyes smiling in kind “Sure. Of what?” She wrote down her final notes before putting away the files, tucking them and her laptop away as she waited for an answer.

Bringing over two cups of sake and the bottle, he sat next her with his own before sliding over her cup. She gave him a look and he sighed, “Consider it your reward for your work today. But don’t get used to it, my living room consumption rule still stands.”

She raised her hands in surrender, chuckling before taking a sip. “Oh! Let’s play a game.”

His brows furrowed as he continued to face forward still enjoying his drink,” Do I seem like a man who plays games?”

“Well, judging by the shogi board, I’d say yes.”

“… Just set the board.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a bit before starting the odd conversation, chatting and playing until they were on their fourth cup. Nanami was admittedly tipsy by this point and decided to ask something that had been on her mind for a while now with the aid of her liquid courage. If ever there was an opportunity, it was now, “Hey, why didn’t you ever become a doctor?” The question caught him off guard as he stopped drinking and peered off into the distance thoughtfully. His lips parting for a moment to speak before closing again to consider his answer.

“It would be difficult to treat people you can’t touch.”

“Hm… sounds like a copout. I wear gloves on the job at least 80% of the time and a lot of the non-surgical work that requires touching could easily be done by a nurse. So, what’s the real reason?”

“Well, you’re awfully bold tonight.”

“Eh, it’s your fault anyway,” she reminded him, toying with the sake glass. “So, are you gonna tell me or not?”

He considered her for a second before answering, “Win this game and I’ll tell you.”

“Easy.” She shot back before considering another outcome, “and what if I lose?”

He smiled easily, her stomach flipping as a glint of mischief was evident in his eyes, “Just try your best to win.”

Nanami was determined, or at least she convinced herself she was, not wanting to confront her curiosity at what he would do if she lost … or what he would do to me… Ok, let me put down this sake before I get a life sentence to horny jail. Recomposing herself a bit, she observed the board, stifling a smirk when she saw her path to victory. It was a moderately long game, but the outcome was in her favor as she took his king. Raising the piece betwixt her fingers, she smirked, “Now spill the beans.”

He stared into the proverbial abyss, slightly peeved at the loss, priding himself as a more-than proficient player before tonight. “Give me a moment.” He said casually raising a finger as he cleared his throat. Taking a measured sip from his cup before locking eyes with her, “I have a duty.” Nanami shot him an unsatisfactory look before he clarified, continuing, “Pops took me in when I had nothing to offer. This,” he began as he leered at his hands, recalling the destruction they regularly wrought, “is what I was meant to become in order to repay him. Bringing the yakuza back to their former glory and carrying on his legacy are my primary objectives. My time is limited since he’s not as young as he used to be. The years of schooling it would take to reap the benefits he deserves would prove much too long. Indulging in a dream like that is not in my nature, even if I did have the time. That is why.”

Her smile dulled as she processed his response. She wasn’t self-righteous enough to impose her own ideals on him, but it seemed like such a waste. His leading questions tonight were just one of many examples of his expertise. Even without the formal schooling he had a level of mastery that could easily earn him a degree, and coupled with his research skills, he could do a world of good. But instead here he was, content with just the opportunity to pay his debts. For someone so arrogant, he thought surprisingly little of his own nature. Maybe someday someone could convince him he didn’t have to carry around this weight all the time. Still very tipsy, she responded,” Well, if it’s a dream of yours to begin with, your nature can’t be all that bad now can it?” At this he knitted his brows, trying to accept the possibility. Seeing his hesitation, she continued, “You can do both, you know. Give yourself some more credit, bird brain.” She slurred the last insult, finishing her sake off with a gulp, not wanting to sound too soft. Feeling the consequences of her actions, she swayed sleepily in her seat before closing her eyes.

The next thing she knew, she felt herself being nudged awake, “Come on, get up. You need to get into bed.”

“But it’s sooo comfy here. Why are you being such a buzzkill, Kai?” she whined as he grasped her forearms, encouraging her to rise from her seat.

Stopping in his tracks, he asked a bit taken aback, “Where did you hear that name?”

“Your Poppy Pops told me” She almost sang, a grin plastered on her face.

“…Do not ever use the phrase ‘Poppy Pops’ again. Also, if couches were meant for sleeping, beds wouldn’t exist.” He responded irritated, though he handled her like porcelain, still remembering how unpleasant the last three days had been. Guiding Nanami to her room, he finally got her to lay down after tuning out a slew of other ridiculous nickname proposals, the drowsiness setting in as soon as her head hit the pillow. Knowing it would be too much work convincing a now drunk Nanami to get under the covers, he begrudgingly put a spare blanket over her. Before leaving, he looked back at her sleepy form. As much as they could grate each other’s nerves, no one had ever thought to encourage him or challenge his own thinking besides his father. He had never been a warm or sentimental person, having to try thrice as hard to grasp emotions that came so naturally to others, but she had planted a seed of doubt. Having always been so confident in his own lacking, he found a part of himself excited to be proven wrong for the first time. Before closing the door softly, he spoke “Thank you, Nanami.”

#overhaul #kai chisaki #chisaki kai #bnha #mha overhaul #overhaul fanfiction #mha fanfic #overhaul x oc #bnha fanfic #mha oc #overhaul x nanami #nanami watanabe #same difference #mc fanart #multichapter #fanfiction #fanfic #overhaul fanfic

6 notes · View notes

nix-that-rad-lass · 4 years

Note

Thanks for ur response. I’m less worried abt you harassing me and more worried abt ppl who follow u/find ur blog harassing me. That’s what happened before. I agree abt how some “trans” women are creeps- I’ve met a few. But I also know a few amazing gals (two of which aren’t even attracted to women). I just get worried abt how much is actually hate directed at trans women and how much is just being cautious. Radical feminism w/o the exclusion is interesting to me, but it’s hard to find sources.

I really appreciate you being respectful with your response. Im sorry that you seem to have had lots of run-ins with extremists.

Regarding transwomen, I agree- sure, there are some creeps, a few might be gay guys with internalized homophobia, and theres definitely gonna be quite a few with dysphoria. My issue, and a lot of other radfems’ issues with them is moreso that a large amount of “trans”women aren’t actually trans- they’re men either with autogynephilia (AGP, a fetish for being seen as a sexy yet innocent female) or they’re predators to lesbians. Some AGPs are solely interested in other transwomen- they have a fetish of two males that look effeminate getting it on. But, as many have noticed before, the most vocal (and most aggressive) are the men pretending to be trans to get what they want.

Aside from just transwomen, radfems are gender critical because for thousands of years, and in our lifetimes, gender - an adaptation of biosex made by men to control women - has significantly harmed us. And now its harming not just women, but targeting LGB in addition to women! An alarming amount of lesbian and gay youth are being diagnosed with gender dysphoria- which, again, alarmingly often dissipates or even totally disappears by the time they reach 25.

Most radfems have no issue with people transitioning because they have dysphoria- most of us DO have issues with people of any sex and orientation under 18 being encouraged, coerced, and otherwise manipulated or forced to transition. There are a lot of de-trans radfems- of course, a common argument of “then you weren’t really trans” will arise, but in the current sociopolitical climate, that's no response- anyone who says they are trans is supposedly trans until they realize they aren’t and they don’t follow the movement.

Another big issue we have isn’t even with individual trans people- its with the movement so many people blindly follow and support! While most people who follow it just think “hell yeah, trans/nb folk deserve love and respect like everyone else!” is what the movement preaches, a lot of people alien to the movement- conservatives, right wingers, radfems, or just people that aren’t well versed with it- see and hear only the loudest, most prominent (and, unsurprisingly, the most powerful) people in the movement; people like Jonathon Yaniv and the infamous McKinnon that lurks on twitter. Those extremists, which tend to find their ways to the top rankings in the gender movement, bellow over the followers with the wrong message- messages like “die cis scum” and “kill all ‘terfs” ring loud. It is them, that small percentage at the top composed of AGPs, pedos, fetishists, and the like that give the movement a bad name- and its the bad name that the majority of society knows. If the movement itself was rewritten as “hey we just want/need some protections because we have a mental abnormality called dysphoria, please don’t harm/kill/outcast/kick out/jail/etc us because of our dysphoria” instead of “everyone who disagrees is a bigot and deserves to die” then a LOT more people would be supporting it- but, again, the message has been majorly screwed over in the last decade.

I get that you are worried about being harassed- if you’re comfortable with it and still interested in learning more about some aspects of radical feminism, im more than happy to send a PM!

I have some essays I wrote for school about gender theory and feminism that i’m happy to send you, as well!

1 note · View note

yaz-the-spaz · 5 years

Note

I'm sure you've noticed me stalking your blog these past two days lol and I have another question if you dont mind. In my last ask you said you had some theories about zayn leaving ot4vszayn etc and I was wondering if you would expand upon them? If you dont want to write it all out, you can point me towards certain tags or other blogs if you want. I've been looking through your tags and have found a lot but I wanted to know if there is something that might be more like a timeline of sorts? Thx!!

hey there! here i finally am, so sorry to have kept you waiting but i hope this reply finds you well! :)

now onto your questions…

so as far as a timelines @bakagamieru has some really good masterposts (x, x) that i would recommend checking out that really break things down play-by-play and i think most of which was compiled as it was happening so it’s a super great (and super detailed) documentation of all the shit that was going down during that period and all the narrative inconsistencies and stunts and back and forth, etc. they’re quite long though and, like i said, very detailed so i would recommend making sure you have plenty of time on your hands before you get sucked down a masterpost and link rabbit hole lol

and for more thoughts/theories of mine i would say check my zayn vs. ot4 tags (x, x - sorry there’s multiple iterations of this, apparently sometimes i had put a period after vs and sometimes i didn’t and now i have two tags smh at my own damn irritating inconsistency)

now onto the meat of your question, which is my current theories on zayn leaving/the zayn vs. ot4 narrative which i’m gonna put as a read more cause i’m not in the mood for ppl coming for me if they disagree, so read at your own risk folks…

so over the years there’s four main theories that i’ve personally gone back and forth over, which i’m gonna summarize quickly and try and explain as succinctly as i can my thoughts on each one and my opinion on the likelihood of it holding credence

disclaimer before i get into the explanations - a large part of my reasoning has to do with the caveat of there possibly being any kind of real tension or bad blood between zayn and louis in particular or any of the other boys. not saying that it was necessarily actually the case, just that it was a potential factor that went into my rationale and personal mental debate over the whole situation

he was coerced in some shape or form to leave and instead of fighting it, went along with it (maybe b/c he was already unhappy) - if there ever was actually any real animosity between him and louis (or harry/niall), this could explain why louis (or the others) might have hypothetically been mad at him b/c he might have felt that zayn could’ve/didn’t fight hard enough or went along with it too easily. but all that aside, even if there was no tension between him and louis/the boys, this option makes a lot of sense because given all he talked about going through in the band (depression, the e.d., too much pressure, not having control or being able to do what he wanted, the intense and rampant closeting putting a strain on his relationship, etc.) it’s not hard to see how he might’ve felt this was the best and only option

he was coerced into leaving, tried to fight it but couldn’t (and possibly even knew for a while that it was coming) - this wouldn’t explain why louis (or the others) might have hypothetically been mad at him but instead does put more credence into the fact that that was completely contrived and pushed by mgmt, and is also just as likely as #1 to me for pretty much the same reasons, not to mention it explains some shady things that happened in the months leading up to it re him not being there for certain promo obligations and appearances, etc.

he was coerced into leaving and had absolutely no choice about it and no way to fight it (i.e. didn’t necessarily want to leave but still knew for a while that it was coming) - pretty much same reasoning as above for this one, the only difference being that in this scenario he wouldn’t have wanted to leave at all which given all he went through i just don’t know if i believe that was wholly the case (more on this below)

he chose to leave completely on his own - although it would explain any lingering animosity, this to me is the least likely in large part because i just have a hard time believing he would have chosen all on his own to just up and leave in the middle of a tour, not to mention been allowed to (esp given that they would’ve all known they had the hiatus coming up not long after and were about to go the countries where zayn specifically probably have had the biggest following/fan support - the middle east and north africa). but even if he hypothetically really did choose it all on its own it’s hard for me to believe that he would have even been able to leave like that unless there was some element of complacency from their mgmt that allowed it to happen and then you have to wonder why would they just let 1/5 of their biggest money maker walk away with no law suits, no drama, no nothing. it stinks of a larger plan at play which is what brings me back to the theories above.

those are the main theories that i’ve gone back and forth on and i’ve never really been able to settle on just one, but to me given all that he expressed after leaving the most likely are the first two. i think all of the boys were pretty much done with how they were being treated, but zayn especially so, and it’s very easy for me to see how, when the opportunity arose he might have accepted because he felt it was the best way to save himself (as in his mental and physical health) and possibly also his relationship, though whether that acceptance was with a little (theory #1) or lot (theory #2) of initial opposition on his part, who’s to say. however, i definitely believe that, regardless of the details, there was some element of seeding and/or coercion from tptb, esp when considered in context with the shadiness of certain things, like him not being at certain events that he should’ve legally been obligated to be at in the months leading up to his leaving if no one but him knew he was planning on leaving. or him crying at the last concert that he performed at. those do not seem to be like the actions of a man who wanted to leave completely of his own accord and without any degree of finessing by mgmt to orchestrate it. when you’re a mega popstar in the biggest band in the world you don’t just not show up to something. that’s the type of situation where people will literally come to your house and drag you out of bed because you’re costing them a shit ton of money (like millions of dollars worth of money) by not being there. there’s tons of stories of rock stars where managers or someone from their team would literally go bang down a missing band member’s door, shove them in the shower to sober them up or help them whatever they needed to do, and drag their ass on stage to perform or to a press event or whatever. so you can bet that nothing less, if not the same, would be done for a missing member of a multi-billion-dollar-making band if need be.

so yeah zayn just not showing up for promo events and performances in the months leading up to his leaving? not believable to me at all. the only conceivable reason for him not to have been there is if mgmt didn’t want him there and the only reason (at least that i can think of) for why you wouldn’t 1/5 of your biggest money-maker to be somewhere he should have been legally obligated to be (and that might’ve cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars for him not to be) is if he wasn’t legally obligated to be there because you were already in the process of phasing him out. ergo it was very likely planned. months in advance. and if it was planned months in advance with the help and orchestration of mgmt then that story of him just deciding to up and leave is complete bs and makes it even more likely to me that there was a level of coercion (because again if 1/5 of your biggest money maker suddenly says to you ‘i wanna leave’ you’re gonna do everything in your power to make him stay so you can keep making money, not help phase him out. unless of course you want him out, which they clearly did.)

one last thing i wanna add is a link to a post i had saved that i feel adds a bit of further credence to all this, it’s nothing concrete but it’s something that helped solidify some things for me when i was a giant ball of confusion over what to believe

anyway, i know that i rambled on forever and this definitely did not end up being as succinct or brief as i had hoped (though lbr when is anything i do ever), but i hope this at least sort of answered your questions and made some amount of sense/was not too incoherent and didn’t completely bore you to death lol

#asks #kurtain-the-cat #my thoughts #zayn vs. ot4 #zayn vs ot4 #zayn leaving #theories #(side note: there's also one more side theory re louis and harry's possible/hypothetical animosity toward zayn #that i didn't include here cause it's super tinhatty and has to do with babygate #but if you're still curious about that after reading all this then we can talk about that too)

34 notes · View notes

peachyteabuck · 6 years

Text

loving him was red

summary: you’ve never had sex on your period, but when you find yourself heated during aunt flow’s visit while at an event with steve, the perfect opportunity arises for you to try it out.

pairing: steve rogers x reader

words: 2381

trigger warnings: menstruation mention, some graphic descriptions of blood, smut (oral, fingering, vaginal sex), lots of swearing, the lords name in vain a few times

notes/other: HI PLS READ THIS ESP IF YOU NORMALLY DO NOT i based this p heavily on my own experiences with menstruation + other accounts i’ve heard. it is very important to remember that there is never one singular way to experience a period NOR is there a WRONG way!! all ppl who have periods are individuals with intersecting health/economic/work statuses. this has been ur daily menstrual health psa from lukis peachyteabuck.tumblr.com

ask box / masterlist / faq / ko-fi

Pro: you currently look fine as fuck, and are on a date to some Very Important Thing with Captain freaking America.

Con: He’s horny (because you look so hot) and won’t leave you alone about it.

Pro: He’s horny (because you look so hot), and you’re horny (because he looks so hot).

Con: You’re currently on your period. Not only that, but the heaviest day of it is today, meaning your current tampon is acting as a floodgate to the Red Sea. Aunt Flow. Blood Moon. Red Scare. Hellstorm. Bitch in Red. Crimson Tide. Shark Week.

You get the picture.

When he thinks no one’s looking, Steve slides his hands down to your ass. You tense and squeeze your eyes shut.

“Babe, stop,” you hiss through your teeth, but you don’t sound very convincing. A waiter comes by with glasses of champagne and you grab two. You’re gonna need them to get through the next few hours, both because the...whatever you’re at is boring as hell and because all you want to do is jump your boyfriend’s bones.

“Why?” Steve says lowly into your ear. You take another sip of champagne, trying to quell the desire in your stomach. “You look so hot, your tits and ass look so good. Can’t wait to get home and give you all the bruises you want. Can’t wait to make you cum under me. Just wanna fuck you until you can’t remember you own name, until you’re begging me to stop.”

You grab the table in front of you and moan, other patrons be damned.

“Babe,” you whimper. “Stop, seriously.”

He laughs a little. “What? Can’t take the heat, should’ve expected this. In that dress? You know, I can’t tell what’s hotter, you in or you wi-”

You take a large drink from one of the glasses and turn to face him. You use your babysitting voice, the one you use with Peter when he pulls some dumb shit and no one has the courage to shame him. Damn Tony, doesn’t want to grow a spine and discipline Peter for fear of making him hate the man. “Steven Grant Rogers, I am on my period, and unless you want to beat your meat on the couch tonight, I’d recommend you cut it out.”

He’s stunned, a little. You snapping at him is extremely uncommon, you’re normally a total sweetheart with him (Who wouldn’t be?). Steve’s mouth hangs open a little as you turn back to face the crowd.

You engage with the rest of the Avengers who came - Sam, Tony, Pepper, and a few other people who you’d been wanting to talk to. A designer, some singers, a movie producer. You have lively conversations and Steve’s hand stays safely above your waist the whole time.

This time, it feels awkward. Not...sexual, like usual.

Now it’s just supportive, a way to tell you know he’s there. That’s it.

You feel bad, so bad. He was just telling you how attracted he was to you and you literally snapped at him like he was a petulant child! God, what’s wrong with you? Why were you so angry out of nowhere!

Oh, you’re in your period.

Right.

Once you’re too tired to stand in your heels, Steve moves you into the limo that’ll take you back to Stark tower. He holds your hand the entire way back, even carries your heels for you once you make it through the entrance.

He’s so amazing. And sweet. And kind. You want him to rearrange your guts.

You’ve been together long enough that he knows the minute you get into your shared apartment you want your dress unzipped so you can hunch over a take a deep breath. He guesses (correctly) that you need it undone even more so now that you’re bloated. When comes behind you to grab at it, you sigh.

“I’m so sorry for losing my self control earlier this evening...it’s just…”

You turn around, facing him. He looks so sad and you feel like you’ve kicked a puppy. Or stepped on a flower. Or thrown a fire blanket over the sun. Or slammed a baby’s hand in a car door.

In short, you’re a horrible person and all you want to do right now is cry dramatically surrounded by roses and candles. Or maybe while you stress eat banana bread.

“I’m so fucking horny when I’m on my period, and I’ve always just...I know guys find it so gross and frankly, I guess I unders-”

Steve tilts your chin up with his knuckles. It’s a sweet gesture, grounding. You stop talking, enchanted by his beautiful eyes. “I don’t find it gross at all.”

You gulp, remaining silent as he spoke. What?

“Let me fuck you, please. I find you so beautiful, and a natural and healthy body function isn’t going to change that.” The dress slips down your body and he first kisses down your chest, then your stomach, then lands on his knees right in front of your pussy. The dress, with its deep, wide neckline didn’t allow for a bra, so he skips right down to your panties. Menstruating had made your lips extra sensitive, so you told your stylist specifically to give you a simply black cotton panty.

Steve, someone who has seen you in much fancier, much more expensive, and/or much sexier lingerie, doesn’t seem to mind. He still pulls them down with his teeth, and massages your inner thighs. You want to look away so badly, so worried about what he’ll say when he finds the string of your tampon, or if he sees your more pronounced belly due to bloating.

When the panties hit the floor, you want to scream. Why is he doing this? Why does he find you sexy?

“Okay,” you finally get out. You immediately regret your response. Okay!? What was he asking you, what he was getting for dinner? You could at least say please!

You try to breathe, to calm down. But you can’t. You absolutely cannot calm the fuck down.

“Open your legs a little for me, babe,” he whispers. It’s low, calm. The kind of voice you’d use if you’re trying to pet a stray cat on the street. He’s trying to get your heart to stop racing, for your palms stop sweating.

You follow his orders, opening your knees a little bit, attempting to relax your muscles in the process. He coaxes the tampon string down from where you tucked it in, pulling it out slowly.

When he pulls it away, it’s a deep, ugly brown. Not earthy, or some deep coffee-like brown, or a beautiful oak in a desk at Ikea.

It’s gross. Just plain gross.

You wince a little at the sight, and he tosses it into the trash can under your desk.

“Now that we have that out of the way,” he inches his strong hands back up your legs, digging a little into the sore muscles.

Right before they can ghost your clit, you sigh.

“Wait,” you say. Steve hands stop and you close your eyes.

You can’t look at him, you’re so embarrassed.

But you want to do this, and you want to feel good while it happens. “Lean me against a wall, it feels better on my lower back if I have something to lean against...also I’m really sensitive right now, so going slow would be appreciated.”

Steve nods, standing up and pressing you into the closest wall. “Anything else, darling?”

He’s eye-level with you now, and fuck you love him so much.

You shake your head. “No...just, thank you...for this.”

He descends again and smiles. “Anything for you, my love.”

First he circles a thumb around your clit, inserting some of his middle finger into you. It feels so good, especially since you haven’t gotten off at all this week.

You blame it on being too busy, but you know why.

It’s never something you could understand, why you were always so ashamed of being on your period. Maybe it was societal influence, maybe it was because once a kid pulled a tampon out of your purse in high school and called you a she-demon, maybe it was because once your period started while having sex with your most recent ex-boyfriend and he called you a nasty bitch and then broke up with you...while you were both still naked.

Whatever it was, you knew three things:

One, you have the best boyfriend in the world.

Nope, scratch that, the universe.

Two, your boyfriend cares for you a lot and wants you to be happy.

Three, whatever he’s doing is incredibly erotic and you love it.

It’s absolute ecstasy, the way he pumps his fingers in and out of you in rhythm with circles around your clit. You knead your breasts and moan lewdly, and it only drives Steve to work harder.

When you cum, you cum hard. He fucks you through it with his fingers, smiling at the amount of pleasure coursing through your veins.

“Fuck,” you mumble. “That was so good.”

He chuckles. “Glad I could be of service.”

You laugh a little, running your hands through his hair. It’s thick, golden, warm. He’s like the sun.

You bite your lip, preparing to speak.

But he does so before you can. “Want to go to the bed?”

It’s sounds like such an innocent question, but you know better.

You nod, letting out a deep exhale. “Just be warned, changing my center of gravity is gonna...it’s gonna be weird...”

Steve laughs a little again. “Babe, I know what I’m getting into.”

He then picks you up and carries you to the bed. The second he lays you down, you start to feel that familiar feeling you can only describe as a stomach ache, but if it was also a waterfall.

The second you start to look how you feel, Steve becomes concerned.

“You okay?” he asks, eyeing you up and down to look for injury.

You squeeze your eyes together. “Yeah...just feeling weird.”

Steve laughs a little. His hands were stained with your blood, and since he had picked you up, smudged handprints riddled your body. You thought you might be disgusted, or he might be disgusted.

But it was beautiful, art. A painting made with you, by Steve, on you.

A masterpiece.

Steve seems to have the same thought. “Should draw this and sell it to that damned museum we were just at...hang it up for all the world to see just how beautiful you are…”

You think Steve is about to just fuck you, and you’re totally okay with that.

Not expecting to get fucked and then getting fucked is a wonderful surprise, one you welcome.

But then he kisses down your navel again, and lightly licks and nips at your clit.

The minitrations illicit loud and broken moans out of you. Your fingers fly to the back of his head, pulling him impossibly closer to you. His blood-stained hands hold you hips up, keeping them from bucking. It’s good, it’s so good.

He removes one, and begins to fuck his fingers in and out you. It’s good, your clit in his mouth, his fingers in your cunt.

You cum with a cry. If the first time made you see stars, this time you’re able to identify the Big Dipper. Before the orgasm was surprising, almost juvenile. It reminded you of getting fingered on the bleachers, or in a bathroom.

This one makes you feel like an adult. An actual, real life adult woman with actual, real life adult woman desires.

“Fuck,” is all you can muster.

Steve crawls up to you, resting part of his body on your chest, which is still heaving. He places a hand on your hip, his thumb rubbing supportively.

“Was hoping you’d say that,” he says, smiling. God, you want to hit him.

Not in a sexual way, though. Not right now, at least.

You groan a little at his gloating. He looks like a cheshire cat. “Shut up and fuck me, you insolent bastard.”

“Yes ma’am,” he says before positioning himself at your entrance.

Despite his sarcastic nature, he watches you for any sign of discomfort while he slowly enters you. It’s sweet, and sickeningly slow.

You moan, wrapping your legs around his waist to give him a better angle. This is exactly what you needed to make you feel less shitty, some good ole fuckin’ with your exceptionally attractive boyfriend.

By the end, you two are a moaning mess. You finish again, your hand on your clit and Steve kissing your neck. This time, the crystal clear pleasure is gone, and you feel like a giant fuzzy cloud of “holy fucking Jesus H Christ that was amazing.”

While your pussy pulses around him, Steve cums inside you. When he pulls out and collapses next to you, you’re finally clear-headed enough to take in the scene around you.

It looks like you should section off the bed with caution tape. Steve’s dick, hands, and face are absolutely covered in blood, as is the bed.

That’s when it hits you. White sheets. Deep red and brown clumps of your uterine lining. An absolutely perfect but sometimes forgetful boyfriend.

“Steve, babe?” you question, attempting to pry him away from the edge of sleep.

“Mmmrf,” is all he says, face down, head resting between your breasts.

“Did you forget to pull a towel down before we fucked?”

He lifts his head, smile sated. “Maybe.”

You sigh, and let his head fall back down. Finding a way to non-suspiciously change your blood sheets is a problem for tomorrow-you. Right-now-you just wants to run your fingers through Steve’s hair, his light snores filling your room and giving you something to fall asleep to.

“You know I’m gonna make you do this next time, too, right?” You ask, suddenly just as tired as Steve looks.

He nods a little, then turns his head so you can hear him. He kisses your breast before he speaks. “Of course, baby. Would do anything for you, especially when it comes you makin’ love to ya.”

You smile. “Good. Because after that, there’s no way I’m ever letting you go.”

Steve chuckles. “Ditto, babe.”

#steve rogers x reader #captain america #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #steve rogers fanfic #captain american fanfic #lukis writes stuff #captain america x reader

322 notes · View notes

michellialeeids · 3 years

Text

Week 5

Research Data Synthesis

Questions

Quan-Lin shim 30 yrs / Designer at Catch / Zoom for day to day basis / collaboration / talking w/ clients / Business set up / company account / board room app / tv connection / part of zoom is interesting connects everyone / automatically share screen, zoom picks up /

Two days WFH / I have set up / during week days / desk / large screen / laptop on side / duo screen /

Macbook Pro 13 inch / Keyboard extension /

Yes, lockdown last year / google hangouts / limiting / skype /

Positive / Audio was super clear / upgrade / hear multiple people

Interface was confusing / 1 week / more around learning how to schedule meetings + google calendar

Grid layout / filters & background / -> fun / engaging /

Waiting Room (feature positive)/ Downside : notification counter not great / not noticeable / space bar mute / Platform all in once place / for softwares

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joseph Jeong / 19yrs / Student at Techtorium

Mornings : School - Attend classes physically or online / Get back home - get ready for work / Go to Work until late at night / shower / eat if have to / play games

Desktop computer / Laptop (Asus Tough Gaming)

Yeah, through online articles/youtube videos in regards security breach

Yeah, around Feb 2021

My main purpose is to attend classes

Discord / Microsoft Teams

It was okay, quality (zoom classes / video camera and feedback / compared to skype - video feedback is bad when there are many people in one session) is pretty fair / very organizational use but not private use

When hosting a video calls on zooms - break out zooms - make people go in them and personal talks is pretty welldone / can create our own channels for whatever projects

Neutral

Function - satisfies purpose

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ryan Campbell / Designer Lead at Catch Design / 36

Work FH / 2 days a week / tuesdays and fridays / work in the office rest of those days / at home work from small desk / at work : better situations / work off screen at both places / fuzzy internet at home / office: zoom calls in board rooms/ meeting rooms

Macbook Pro / Android Huawei P20 :uses zoom on both devices

Yes, I use zoom at work / make decision between Micro Team and Zoom/ Zoom won/ Director made decision/ I got to know about Zoom at Catch Design : May 2020

Lockdown Zoom with friends quiz night - social purpose /

Main purposes : internal meetings / external client / some use team which is awkward / social purposes to catch up / corporate updates done via zoom

The 40 minute time limit is really annoying (bad experience pissed me off)

Average - middle of the road - nothing amazing - found it hard to start a meeting / not intuitive / scheduling a new meeting & new meeting is confusing / sharing links is confusing (text forms ) / should really be one piece of text not a novel or words / copy and paste is confusing because there are

Closing a zoom call (leave a meeting - and then quick leave (do you really want to leave?) / makes it awkward when in front of other (pause ) : worst user experience u cld possibly create - two step leaving journey = awkward pause / less possible to accidentally close the meeting . Security(should be chooseable) / Waiting room is auto ticked (WHY?) / Creating video conference call / casual meet ups 50%(majority) / client meetings 50% - so don’t want hardcore security like waiting rooms

Basic functionality works for video / video background filters / (beautifier mode) / video filters is great (only thing i like about zoom) / does its job

A lot of frustration / punishing!!! / very painful / double close is painful / positive

Single click close / intuitive point of view / just does video conferencing = a lot of annoyances / Zoom works well with external parties / Teams can only be within Teams / Audio is an issue : trying to connect bluetooth headphones is difficult (if could be done well solving issues for bluetooth connected devices - easy connect and disconnect ) shareability - sharing a zoom link it hard = feels like 30 different time zones / 3 different hyper links / not all of them are meeting links / easy to share screen /

Social events : really hard to have everyone to have everyone visible on screen / layout is restricted / more than 8 ppl - can only see 5 at a time / on mobile is worse - need to change layout / connectivity / chats algd / doesn’t stand out that much / google meets : microsoft teams / facebook calling 1:1 communication /

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quentin, Front-End Wed developer - 41 / Catch Design / Father of two

Sitting behind laptop most of the time / office / at home trying to take care of kids not coming in to home office

Macbook Pro

Yes, got to know about Zoom day I started with Catch, 1st April 2020

Yes, it was a Wellington/ Auckland Catch Design conference meeting / first time using - was very simple/ was using google hangout before Zoom/ initial layout was different / hangout’s interface was different / nice and simple

Virtual backgrounds / had worked for a company in UK - thought about masking my background

Apprehensive / First day of work kind of nerves

I never know when people add comments / chats - doesn;t know until someone says something about it /

I bought shares in Zoom / it peaked / but it dropped so lost a bit of money /

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lie-An / 34/ IOS Developer

Train Commute / Office 8:30 / 3-4 hrs / go back home / watch netflix series / go back to bed around 9 / not that tiring

Macbook Pro / iphone 12 pro

& 5. Yes, previous employment started using Zoom for experimentation / as back up for google hang out / at Catch Design mostly used a lot / use it for online conferences

March / April Last year (lockdown)

Meetings / conferences

It was very quick, but interface isn;t that appealing. Has improved npw, the view itself is PC/ easy to start meetings / easy to invite / can be attached to google calendar

The speed of the software / interface: not that much : using Zoom - more focused on functionality

Got used to it, understood how app works / frustration with iPad because it is hard to start meetings with the iPad Zoom

The amount of time setting for the meeting / in hang out you can set a meeting for an hour/ for zoom there is a maximum limit if not pro user / background filters / notification reminder / (great!!)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam / 28 / Tech LEad / Architecting application / Developing Application

Half of the week in office by team / half of the week work from home

Macbook Pro 13 inch

Yes, Forced to use it for work.

Yes, Just Before lockdown, iPad /

Meetings - team aligned on project guidelines / social zoom calls over lock down - team cohesive, gather requirements / find out and gather information / show product etc.

First impression : wasn’t a big fan at start, before installed - big security breach (no good first impression), as I got used to using it, good video streaming expereince - interface : didn’t find it user-friendly (clunky), I would prefer Google Meet (sharing links / less extra step)

Video streaming itself is very good / good quality / core feature is great

Frustration / installation amongst people

To get used to zoom - couple weeks -

Google Meets - runs in the browser - click the link - straight into the feature. (extra step / user journey)

Used zoom for presentation / after research / professional development / kinda education / knowledge sharing with the team / collaborative environment / pretty easy / screen share -

iPad Zoom interface / trying to join from ipad (look into it)

Remote Control Panel for Zoom (connected TV). Consistency amongst interfaces with different devices.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Interview 1: Grace Chey, 21, Product Design Student

1. I am a 20 year old full time student in my last year of studying industrial product design.

2. I am either at home studying by myself or is at school (going to lectures, workshops and labs) surrounded by school peers.

3. iPad, Macbook

4/ 5. Yes, I was first introduced to zoom by my school (University of Canterbury) last year for online learning during lockdown

6. For lectures and meetings for group projects

7. At first I found it very complicated as it was a new software for me and I found the downloading and logging in process was very long

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Interview 2: Saem, 35, Work and Income CSR, Studylink Officer

1. Work and Income customer service representative/ StudyLink Officer

2. Call centre office environment or working from home office

3. iPhone, P.C.

4. Yes, during NZ’s nationwide lockdown - through online media and family

5. Yes, for a job interview

6. Work purposes

7. Easy to use, simple intuitive interface

8. Zoom meeting calls - being able to easily have group zoom meetings

9. Being able to easily see who is in the meeting from a small device like a smartphone

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Interview 3: Ashley Jeong, 23, UX Intermediate Designer at Flight Digital

1. I’m a UXUI designer at a marketing agency. Have been working at the agency for 2 and a half years. I am 23 years old.

2. Physical environment at work is very spacious and well equipped with everything I need. Workwise, I have client meetings and workshops in our meeting rooms or at my desk doing work on the computer.

3. I use a 27inch imac as my primary screen and a smaller secondary LG screen at work. 13inch macbook at home.

4. Yes I know Zoom. I came to know Zoom when I visited Korea last year when covid first hit and church had to be done on Zoom.

5. Yes, beginning of Feb 2020.

6. Only use it for church. Have used it once for work because the client insisted we use Zoom. Usually use google hangouts at work.

7. Kinda confusing at first. Mostly because video meetings weren’t the norm before covid.

8. Fast access to the zoom room once I had the room code and password.

9. The thumbs up or hand wave emoji is nice to use when everyone is on mute.

10. To be honest, I’m not a huge fan of Zoom. It used to be way faster but it’s very slow these days and laggy compared with google meet. I find the interface for google meets is easier and straight forward.

11. Nope. Currently doing masters and if we have class online we use gomeeting.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Interview 4: Becky Jeong, 21, English Literature & Media Student

1. I am a 21 year old university student with a part time job. Studying a Bachelor of Arts degree, in my last year.

2. I go to my part time job every day, a Japanese restaurant on Upper Queen Street. I also attend my university classes. I go to the City Fitness gym in Albany a few times a week, and also attend church meetings or services.

3. My Macbook air

4. Yes I do. When we went into our first lockdown, we had to use it for uni classes and church.

5. Yes I have used it before. My first experience was when we had to have online classes for university.

6. We don’t use it for uni anymore, but we still use it at church for our daily 9pm prayer meetings.

7. It felt very unfamiliar because I hadn’t used some kind of video calling service in such a long time, especially in large groups.

8. Screen share was super helpful. I also like gallery view where we can see everyone rather than just the speaker.

9. At times I felt more connected to people because we could meet more frequently on Zoom more than we would meet in real life.

10. I don’t know about similar software. I only ever used video calling on my phone for brief calls and Zoom is already much more advanced than that.

11. Yes, we used it at uni. The features that were really useful were obviously the screen sharing so that we could see what the lecturer was referring to as they were talking, as well as the breakout rooms. We were in a class of 200, and then used the breakout room feature to split into groups of 4 or 5 to have discussions before coming back together. These features made online classes a lot easier and manageable. The chat feature was also useful because if a student had a question, we did not have to turn on our mic in the middle of class, but instead just ask on the chat.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Interview 5: Sarah Lee, 20, Engineering Student

1. Student, 20 years

3. Laptop

4. Through others

5. Mid 2020

6. Attending online conference and meetings

7. awkward and uncomfortable lol

9. group meetings across the country and having new encounters from different cities

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Updated interview questions (student + lecturer)

1. Tell me about yourself, your occupation and your age

2. What is your study/work environment like?

3. What device do you mostly use on a daily basis for educational purposes?

4. Do you know what Zoom is? Have you used Zoom before? If so, how did you come to know about Zoom? When was your first Zoom experience?

5. Have you encountered using Zoom the 2020 lockdown? Could you please tell us about your experience?

6. What is your main purpose of using Zoom?

7. What was your first impression of using Zoom?

8. What was the feature you were most satisfied with during your experience?

9. What are some memorable feelings / situations you have experienced while using Zoom?

10. Would you bring a feature from any software into Zoom? What would it be and why?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harper

1. Harper, born in 1997. Currently studying at AUT

2. Study desk set up at home, university library because its newly designed and fancy

3. Laptop (macbook pro), imac in level 4 WE

4. Yes, I have used it before. During the lockdown my tutor introduced Zoom to us for virtual classes since we couldn’t come in physically.

5. Nothing really special but being able to switch between gallery/speak view, chat, break out rooms is good. At first I felt comfortable because personally physical meetings are uncomfortable. But when I had to present my work on Zoom, I was stressed because sometimes the audio didn't work.

7. Very simple and straightforward. I learned to use all of it in 1 class

8. Reactions and emojis. Also the pop out screen that minimises when you are in a different window,

10. In blackboard there is a whiteboard feature where everyone can write something down.

Describe Zoom in 1 word - ‘futuristic’.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Soumya, studying interaction design, 33 years old

2. Have own study space/desk at home

3. Laptop and phone: macbook pro and iphone

4. Yes I have. Started using it first last year due to uni through covid lockdown march 2020.

5. My online experience was ok for the first time. It was engaging because of the break out rooms. It felt like in class where the lecturer jumped from each table. Peer to peer communication was good. It was quite awkward at times because only 2-3 people turned their cameras on, so very little social interaction.

6. I use it for collab projects with my uni partner

7. Simple, functions are easy, but it would be better if it straight away shared the screen if you clicked on the button (right now there are too many steps)

8. I was quite happy because I could finish and continue with my papers, way better than blackboard because you can't see who is speaking and all of the members. Zoom you can see everyone in the meeting

9. Share screen, reaction emojis are good as it lets people engage just like they are in a classroom

10. The break out rooms were great as I was able to have the 1:1 discussions and have engagement with the lecturer just as in real life. It was nice to have the time to catch up with classmates before class started.

11. For the chat, it would be nice to follow the facebook messenger system where there are separate chat boxes for different people. The current zoom chat system is confusing and can accidentally send to wrong people.

1 word to describe: Reliable

For next week

You should have completed your research

You should have synthesized your findings into theme, then insights

You should have several draft HMW statements to review. You will have some data!

Be thinking about how you can present your research visually for your formative poster.

0 notes

chu-wan-destruction · 7 years

Text

hey here are some Shitty post-game troll kingdom ideas

I had a cool convo with @sparkliee so im gonna unlock the secrets of the universe via copy paste

There are only 4 (four) colours of blood, Cerulean, teal, jade, (all jade bloods are rainbow drinkers now, but whether or not they Activate is their own choice) and Candy Red. The population is about equal between them all, 35% red, 21% for the others. The difference is because hybrids exist, and as ppl got older and Libidos came into creation, prospitians, dersites, and humans all have red blood, changing the balance a bit. If a Teal blood and a prospitian were to make a baby, it would have red blood to support the prospitian features. It would be far more unbalanced if the species had been resurrected more than 20 years ago, but the balance will tip largely eventually. There are only four blood colors b/c the trolls that had them lived, and everyone else died to hard to get the genetic material back. (it has to be jizz, unfortunately) and no one wants to EVEN THINK abt gamzee here, lets b real.

The hemospectrum hierarchy can't even exist with so few blood colours, especially since the population amounts per colour are so even. Should things shift enough, or purple bloods return so there's more colours, the hemospectrum won't come back because it's Shitty, and the Kungeys would kick ur ass into the nth dimension if u tried to bring it back.

Before terezi hoofed it to find vriska, she oversaw the justice system in the trollian kingdom, and helped improve others elsewhere!!!! She was on earth for 5 years and set up all the laws, and how to deal with people that break them.

No Murder. Its illegal, just like it is in the rest of the world. No matter what, you cannot assist in a suicide bc thats murder!!!! if someone does you dirty, and not in a kissmesis way, u tell the Cops in your CH or area!!! (they can be found where the info gatherers are)

No Stealing. things still belong to people u stupid head, just barter with them for it!!!! Refusing to give service for something also counts as theft!!! if its not up for sale, or its in their h o m e, fUCK OFF!!!!!!! the punishment for this ranges, depending on previous arrests and the importance of said item. IF YOU STEAL A P E R S O N YOU CAN BE HELD TO THE SAME STANDARD AS A MURDER!!!!!!!!!!!

Attempting to Bring Harm to another person is illegal, Unless That Person Is Your Kissmesis. You cant just assault someone if you’re in a bad mood!!!! Get ur kissmesis and a bucket, Dave’s sake.

Attempting to Spread Ideals that Contradict That of The New State is Illegal. this might sound like "don't criticize the government or u go to jail" but its just dont bring back shit like the hemospectrum, anything like that. No nazis in our country.

Those are the big 4, basically anything else falls into one of those. (rape is #3 but even if its ur kissmesis its illegal.)

The jury Was, at first, the best lawyers terezi could find, but as time went on, actual Trolls took those places. Its 7 people, a prosecutor and defence lawyer, and the judge. Since there's so little crime (b/c ppl are happy and don't feel the need to do Bad Stuff) Terezi herself is the Judge (while she was gone it was Rose), and shit gets INTENSE!!!! Its innocent until proven guilty on paper, but terezi is far more "guilty until proven innocent"-minded, so these trials can get S P I C Y. there was a small spike in crime for the first, like year or so, while terezi was gone looking for vriska. Once she was back, things changed back to normal. There has only been about 375 cases in the whole 20 years, most disputes over if something was "paid off" properly. Those are solved pretty easy. There has only been a couple dozen reports of #3, two of #1, and none of #4. There has only been about 375 cases in the whole 20 years, most disputes over if something was "paid off" properly. Those are solved pretty easy. There has only been a couple dozen reports of #3, two of #1, and none of #4.

Its been abt 20 years since the kiddos arrived on earth, and the trolls took their new kingdom to like, northern africa and the whole kingdom is no bigger than iran

It's just barter instead of money, and since money doesn't "exist," ppl just sort of, do stuff like build roads and stuff at the request of the Kringles, and they give them stuff in return. When dealing with other cultures that use currency, trolls kind of do that "if u give me a free coffee i'll clean your kitchen for u" thing. Other countries are p respectful abt the whole thing.

Jobs are abundant, as trolls can do Lots of stuff humans can't (psiconics, animal communication, mind control) but they also do regular stuff in their society, like cook, clean, and do service jobs.

There are Communal Hives along with the regular 1 troll hive. Communal hives are like, first nations log houses (idk if u know what that is but its VERY accurate to what im going for here) but REALLY big buildings. There can be anywhere from 60 to 250 trolls living in a single communal hive. Once a troll turns, like 10, they can make the choice of going to a CH (communal hive) or staying on their own. This decision can be changed at any time, but all the stuff u have to do to get in a CH (like proof of identity, ur passport, the stuff u got) is more complicated the older you get. People still got lussi, but there are far more rules on what types of creatures can even be lussi (Vriska's for example, just wouldn't happen), and one would also get to take your lusus with you when you enter it. It’s the school and living space of most trolls.

Politics don't really exist for trolls?? Whoever is incharge of your CH tells "info collectors" what the deal with stuff is, then its overseen and sent off to the royals (kanaya+karkat) so they can do stuff. Ppl that live on their own have info collectors assigned to an area, and if u live there u tell them the deal.

Cities in Troll Town (i dont got a name yet r ip) are basically just out door malls? like they got hotels ("u sleep here but u gotta fix it after, capiche?? and do ur own dishes, for Dave's sake") and stuff, but they're mostly hUGE barter places, where u trade stuff for other stuff. Things like libraries are in CH's but u can find more expansive ones in cities, there are universities, places u go when u want to learn more, and they're just university but Good, and most cities have a couple CH's in the area (like half a mile away or so) so ppl can actually. Go there.

Trollian cities like Captor, Medigo, Ampora (yes i named them after the dead kiddos b/c they need to be remembered somehow) are H U G E attractions to other races.

Ampora is a coastal town, big in fishing, and you can take tours of the waters there in submarines and stuff, theres lots of resorts.

Captor is mostly technology based, with Universities creating Cool New stuff all the time. Imagine troll tokyo.

Medigo is right in the desert, and has the biggest population of non-trolls in the trollian kingdom, humans mostly, b/c theres lots of stuff about history there, and the most expansive shows telling the tales of the gods (basically a play of all of homestuck) are there.

Knowledge of the gods and their stories are treated as history lessons all over the globe, and knowing what to do should you be chosen to play the game is knowledge as universal as knowing what friendship is. U gotta know this stuff, just in case.

#homestuck #hs 212 #long post #long posts 212 #headcannons #head cannons 212 #gOD DANM THIS IS SO L O N G #well im happy with this #yours truly 212 #rb later

2 notes · View notes