hi. this is probably going to be a long ask, but i don’t do discourse on my public blog and i want this to be somewhere relevant and visible

i am an autistic bipolar trans man with scizophrenia symptoms. i have had, and still struggle with: very unpleasant intrusive thoughts that are sexual or violent, maladaptive daydreams, delusions, and pathological lying. i’ve encountered transid identities before, but i didn’t know about the radqueer “community.” i also want to add that i’m a psychology student and aim to be non-judgmental under any circumstances relating to mental health.

it seems to me like a lot of people who identify as radqueer are just kids or young adults who are still learning about themselves, their identities and their mental health

i’ve read a lot of posts from transtrauma folks, and my initial impression is that a lot of them are attention starved and need validation in their outside lives, or have minor or complex traumas that they don’t realise are valid due to them not being one recognised traumatic event. you don’t need to have gone through something completely life-ruining to deserve sympathy, nor do you need to be mentally ill.

the same applies to transabled identities as well - i know from my own experience as a person with a chronic illness that affects my physical ability, but i don’t identify as physically disabled - that the disabled and cripplepunk communities are full of love and acceptance, and it seems like a lot of radqueers are seeking that same acceptance.

i saw a coining post for the term “transvegan” - one who wants to be vegan, identifies as vegan, but isn’t vegan right now due to life circumstances. and the way i see it is that these people have discovered queer identities as a way to label themselves, eg “i feel this way because i am lesbian”, and as a result have chosen to label all their personality traits as queer identities. you don’t have to call yourself transvegan! you can say “i’m not vegan right now because that’s not feasible for me but i agree with their ideas and advocacy,” and that’s okay. most decent vegans will respect you for that anyways.

before i knew about my bipolar disorder, i thought i might be a system - so guess what, i tried it out for a few days, using tools like pluralkit and a system tracker. it turned out that it wasn’t an experience i shared, but that was okay. at the time, i did want to be a system as that would help me understand why i was the way i was - but after i realised i wasn’t, i kept going and eventually got my bipolar diagnosis that has brought me a lot of comfort.

i relate to the feeling of wanting to have a severe, labelable trauma as well. i was desperate for a reason why i was struggling and mentally ill even though nothing “big” and “horrible” had happened to me.

transracial identities seem to stem from a similar thing imo - i love japanese folklore and history, and actively do research into it in my free time. i enjoy hearing accounts from japanese people about their personal experiences with their mythology, and while i don’t want to live in japan, i think other people like me might. if the radqueer community had existed when i was a young teenager, i might even have identified as transjapanese. however, it seems to me like trace identities stem from misattributing an interest (and again, a specific desire for respect and inclusion from those with a culture they’re interested in) to wanting to be their specific race.

i identify as asexual, and don’t relate to any feelings of attraction, nevermind paraphilias, but i do have intrusive thoughts, and dealing with that has taught me the attitude that your thoughts are not your fault. i love and respect people with paraphilias, even the “weird” ones, but the important part is understanding that if your actions due to your attraction could harm others, like children and animals, it’s your responsibility not to act on those thoughts. whether you want to seek therapy and try and stop having them is a personal choice and up to you, but you cannot refuse the responsibility not to harm others.

if you want to think or write about societally unacceptable scenarios such as grooming or rape, you can - thoughtcrime isn’t real and censorship is a slippery slope - and if the point of your work is not to condone or encourage that kind of thing, and you are clear and do not make people read it if they don’t want to, it does no harm.

unfortunately, that ties in to the other part of the radqueer community who have harmful opinions, like ableism, racism, and pedophila, who simply use the guise of “queerness” to try and get away with it. at its core, queerness is about playing with gender norms and identity, and how you are perceived by society; not “having sex with someone you aren’t “supposed” to be having sex with,” or “having views not agreed with by current society.”

animals and children cannot consent. period. it is not about knowing what sex is, it is about understanding the meaning and gravity of what you are doing, and to take advantage of someone or something that doesn’t is inherently violating. if you think any actions that cause harm to others, sexually or violently, are normal or justifiable then you are not a good person. you are not respectable.

i can’t speak on racism in the radqueer circle and the concept of winterqueer because i don’t know enough, but i can tell you now that the queer and punk communities do not accept racism, and that it goes against the core of who we are. you are not and will not be part of us.

i also think there’s something to be said about how transid views trans people as not truly what they are. if i fully physically transitioned, i wouldn’t stop being transgender, but it feels like a lot of transid identities are only defined by the wanting of, not the being. a trans man is not a woman who wants to be a man. he is a man who at some point used to be viewed as female, and no longer feels that way.

(not adressing anyone on this blog, just things i have seen) i think my point was that the argument of “these people will never be accepted by society” does more harm than it does good - i don’t think their beliefs are normal or will be accepted, but by arguing that the people themselves will never be accepted when they are in the community in the first place because they want to be respected and seen only serves to push them back into the circle of people who genuinely desire harm.

on a similar note, harrasment and death threats on either side are also horrible. you are not helping, you are not getting one up on them, you are just hurting people, and wasn’t the entire point of being anti-radqueer trying to prevent people hurting others?

idk. this was long and rambling, but it’s just. you can want things that are unachievable but you’ve gotta come to terms with the fact they’re unachievable. there’s a difference between “fiction is not reality” (true) and “fiction does not affect reality” (provably false). radqueerism is not as progressive as it claims to be. and there are a lot of people out there who refuse to grow or learn.

.

softly

 can be read as a sequel to “slowly” or as a stand alone

pairing: Jack Daniels (Agent Whiskey)x (f) ace!reader

wordcount: 1.6k

warnings: implications of sex and related topics

summary: growing and navigating a relationship is a joy with the right person

notes: again, obviously this is a wildly personal topic - I fully understand that asexuality looks different for everyone. For full disclosure, in this story, the reader knows they are somewhere on the asexuality spectrum but is not aromantic.They are also on a path of self discovery and are open to learning about themselves - in this chapter they engage in sexual and physical acts with Jack. This IS NOT saying asexuals who are like this are growing “better” than those who are not interested. Asexuals who do know what they do and don’t want are perfect and do not need to change or compromise as part of their personal growth. This is not everyone’s story, or the “right” way, this is just... one story. 

I hope you all enjoy, and happy pride month!

>>

Transitioning from friendship to dating Jack was like leaving one dream and entering another.

The relationship was sewn from cotton clouds, delicate and lovely and full of whispered promises and potential.

Jack had always been surprisingly gentle with you, for how rough and tumble he normally was. It would have made sense, to someone in another life, for him to have become even more so – touches filled with longing and hesitation and light as feathers – but it didn’t happen. It wasn’t him.

Instead every touch was firm, solid, deliberate, as though he was trying to show you that he was being intentional with each and every one of them, like he’d thought about them for a week before. To him, you weren’t fragile at all, you didn’t need to be treated like you would break, he just wanted to show you he cared about every point of contact. Show you he could be more than in control, and still make you weak in the knees.

It was unreal, being courted by him, a strangely swirled combo of careful cotton candy chivalry and crackling confidant charisma, as blended as ice cream flavors at the fair. Some moments he’d be standing his full height, pressing almost into your space, grinning that slow crooked smirk, spewing words like he’d never been more sure of himself. It made you want to press him back, to tweak his nose and just see if he could take what he doled out. But it also made you want to swoon a little, to bat your eyelashes and blush and bite your lip, a little bit bashful. It was frustrating, choosing which without being awkward, but you were sure he liked to see you flustered, regardless.

Other moments, Jack turned off the charm, and was so sweet that if it weren’t for the genuine adoration in his eyes you would’ve thought he was faking it. It made you want to believe him when he had said that to him you were everything. He, with his overgrown eagerness, his passion, and larger-than-life laugh, was your world, and you were his.

More than anything, it must have been the intimacy of knowing him like the back of your hand. Beautiful people came and went, could make you look a moment longer, but they never made you feel like this. Is wasn’t heartaches and warm cheeks, most of the time, it was just … knowing him, that make it good. You weren’t enamored with just his face, or overcome with desire to have his body on yours, it was simple and lovely to learn about all sides of his soul, and to have every single part be as dedicated to you as you were to him.

They melted together over time, and it was by far your favorite, feeling him find who he was with you, feeling safe in turn.

-

“This okay?” he asked again, hairs on his upper lip tickling your neck.

“Yes,” your confirmation was all he need before continuing his path down your neck. It was the third time he’d asked since you’d climbed into his lap and asked him, boldly earnest and determined, if the he would make out with you.

At the time, you had felt sort of silly, like a schoolgirl trying to earn her stripes, but the urge had honestly surprised both of you, and you hadn’t wanted to risk it leaving while you figured out how to organically make it happen. So you’d taken the risk and it had been perfect, in it’s own right.

Anyone, anything before Jack were irrelevant. These moments with them were riddled with nagging, itching self doubt or anxiety, but not with him. He was the only one.

And Jack kept checking in with you, he was so attentive to you that he knew your boundaries the moment you did, if not before, and kept them without a question. The thickness of him, the roughness of his jeans and the circle of his arms were solid and sturdy, creating a little world for the two of you.

Had he always been your best friend?

You didn’t have time to contemplate it. His mouth on your neck, hands on your waist, and thighs under your hips were altogether delicious and overwhelming.

It had been wonderful to kiss him like this. To sit in his lap and trust him and mold your mouth against his like the two of you were the only things that mattered. But the longer it went the more strange it felt, and slowly your mind began thinking again, unable to let yourself get lost in him. Focusing on his body more than him wasn’t quite right.

Wondering if you were being unfair, you gently tugged on his hair, pulling him away, telling him with your eyes what your mouth hadn’t found the words for.

Little creases on his forehead appeared, a testament to his ability to read your mind. Even concerned, he looked at you like you were Venus in all her glory, like even the curve of your nose and the bump of your chin were sculpted just for him.

“I heard you say yes,” he said, slow, neither a defense nor a blame – simply an offering. His hands were consistent on you, reminding you again how conscious and in control he was, how naturally he communicated with you.

“I did,” you murmured, pecking the lines, trying to smooth them with your thumb before sliding to sit next to him. “It just… changed.”

Nodding, he didn’t push it, just held you close to his side, and leaving one last kiss on your temple. He flicked through the movies before settling down and you waited for a deep, longing sigh, but it never came.

The stinging memory of a previous encounter, when your partner had left to cool off in frustration, was slowly being scrubbed off your soul. You felt it momentarily before Jack’s low drawl was sharing a story from work, bragging about his talents over the movie heroes. And the memory faded, replaced by something sweeter.

It was strange, to be so completely loved.

-

Jack wasn’t normally the type to need affirmation, confirmation after a round with his lover, but he couldn’t help himself.

“How do you feel, darlin? Good?” he looked for your eyes as he asked, proud of your lowered lashes, but still seeking truth. You nodded, and he could see you thinking, so he waited.

You absolutely deserved the best, he believed that with every fiber of his body and as hard as it was to admit, figuring out what that meant required acknowledging he wasn’t sure. You had asked him, wanted to try, not out of need but with determination. The whole afternoon he had dedicated himself to you, going slow, hitting all the points he’d tried and tested before. The two of you had talked about it for awhile, making a game plan to keep you as comfortable as possible, so you both would enjoy it – no matter how it ended. 

It was a relief, trusting you.

Never in his life could he have adored someone so thoroughly, who he wasn’t absolutely sure would keep communicating with him. Talking, checking in, updating during lovemaking came so naturally, he almost wished he could brag about it to his younger self.

“I’ve got a girl who loves me so much she never fakes … well, anything.”  Not just pleasure - smiles and laughs and tears and all of it, all of you was open to him. “We love each other so much, mind and soul – not just body,” he would tell himself, and the younger man would have been in awe.

Really, even now, he was in awe of what the two of you had created.

It had been perfect, the intimacy of placing your hearts in each other’s hands, building up and up and learning every step of the way. It was like the process of sorting through pages and pieces and pictures to make pancakes the very first time. Awkward moments, messiness, navigating and even back-tracking was part of the adventure- sweet and silly and soaking in the thick, warm layer of love.

You were on your back, still half under him and his hands wandered over your skin. The blankets were all over, folds softer than even the flag he loved in the wind, and you at the center. Beautiful. Hair a mess, a sheen of sweat not yet cooled from your skin, and that was the only thing that he could think. You were beautiful.

Finding the words you were searching for, your fingers grasped at his.

“It was good,” you confirmed, again, and he swelled with pride and relief, even though you hadn’t finished. “It wasn’t… better, per se, than the walk to the lake we took last night, though.” Your eyes were apologetic but he felt even more proud. He had done that for you too, after all.

“It was a different good,” you shrugged, and he nodded, before leaning in to stop your apology before it started.

Kissing him back was hard as a bubble of laughter filled your mouth.

“No apologies, little lady,” he said insistently, scolding you. You should have known better.

“I’m good,” he said, firmly, before laying back and trying to swap your positions. You laughed again, but you could tell he was being honest. There was no lingering arousal in the air, no longing seeping out of his skin, and you’d almost never seen him so content.

It was easy, to relax against his chest.

>>

taglist:

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @0celestialbitch0 @writeforfandoms 

RFA Dating Asexual MC - RFA, V, + Saeran

request sent in by @engel-katze . this is for you, angel! 

DISCLAIMER: I myself am NOT asexual and I can’t convey the broad spectrum that is asexuality. If any of my followers are asexual and feel like this does not represent them at all please let me know and I will adjust it to the best of my ability. I would hate to misrepresent anybody, and I want to make sure you all are seen and heard as accurately as possible. I love you. - luna xx

warnings: some sexual themes, but nothing too crazy.

Zen:

• He’s taken by surprise for sure

• He doesn’t understand it at first; he thought that maybe you just weren’t ready to go all the way with him yet, and he respected that

• But one night the both of you were exchanging kisses here and there and his hands started to wander and you could see his expression getting darker with need

• So you shoved him off of you and onto the floor

• “MC I’m so sorry I should have known that you weren’t ready yet I—”

• He isn’t hurt at all by your pushing away he just wants to understand

• And so you explain to him that it’s not...personal per say

• You thought that he was very handsome and if you could, you would absolutely jump his bones every second

• Though he’d never tell his ego was nice and fluffed by that reassurance

• But the thought of the act of having sex (with anybody, not just him) made you physically sick and he never made you feel bad about it once; if anything he was happy that you were communicating

• The two of you discuss maybe alternatives or different ways to both have that sexual release with each other, without any sort of act of intercourse involved so that it wouldn’t negatively effect you.

Yoosung

 • His self esteem took a rather hard hit for sure

• He thought that you didn’t even romantically like him and didn’t know how to tell him otherwise

• One night his hand was on your thigh and he started softly running his hand up and down

• You looked away from the television to look at him, noticing how his brows were furrowed from nerves as he looked at you.

• “Yoosung...?” Your voice was anxious and he could tell, but he thought that maybe if he just tried a little harder; made the first push.

• He kissed you once, and then gently placed you in his lap, and as you sat there you could feel his lower region beginning to harden

• “Oh, oh God no wait—” You hurriedly pushed yourself off, standing away from him across the coffee table as his face fell

• “Is...is it me? Am I not attractive enough? I know that I’m not rich like Jumin, or as toned and attractive as Zen, but...” His eyes started to fill with tears and you instantly felt your heart sank

• “No! Oh, God Yoosung no please...” You hurriedly ran to his lap and knelt in front of him, taking his hands in yours

• You tried your best to explain what it was and why you didn’t really want to have sex with him

• He was so relived that he cried

• He’s lowkey okay with it because while, he’s never experienced sex and he knows that he wants to have sex and experiences sexual attraction

• He’s too anxious about his performance in the bedroom to do anything anyway; he just tried initiating things because he thought that’s what you wanted

Jaehee

• Not even phased lmao

• You’d decided to tell her one night after work when the two of you were exhausted and you just blurted it out

• “I...I’m asexual, Jaehee. I don’t...I don’t feel sexual attraction.”

• “....okay.”

• That was literally it

• You were actually a little pissy that she reacted so calmly; since that’s not the reaction you usually get

• She honestly didn’t care if you wanted to have sex or not; if anything after you’d explained to her what it was she herself thought that that might be her sexuality too

• She has always been romantically attracted to women, but when it came to sex for either gender she just felt...like it was pointless. No need.

• “I think I was able to take it so easily MC is because, well, I think I am too.”

• You were okay with that. More than okay with that.

Jumin

• It was hard enough for Jumin to get a better understanding of his own emotions

• You didn’t want to overwhelm him with your sexuality, especially because of how rare it was

• One night the two of you were in bed, his hands wandering over your body as you two kissed

• You weren’t fully comfortable but you figured maybe, just maybe you could do it. For him.

• That didn’t work well at all

• “Are you sure, MC?”

• “Yes, Jumin. Go ahead.”

• “...Then why are you crying?” You hadn’t even realized until he said it, shaking your head softly as you sniffed

• “Don’t worry about it okay? Just..are you almost done?”

• “MC.” He was concerned and a little hurt, immediately pulling away as he turned on the bedroom lights

• You covered your naked body and immediately began to sob, Jumin holding you close as your body shook from how hard you were crying

• “I’m so sorry, please don’t be angry with me. I...I’m asexual, Jumin. I can’t do it I can’t—”

• “Shh, MC it’s alright. It’s okay. I just wish you’d told me sooner, darling...”

• After that night Jumin tried his best to make sure he didn’t cross any boundaries

• If he wasn’t working on paperwork from his job he was reading a book on asexuality and researching it, just to make sure he knew the ins and outs of a rather important part of you

707

• He thinks you’re joking at first when you tell him the poor idiot

• He knows that asexuality is rare and so he figured it was just another sort of prank or joke that you were trying to pull

• To be fair you were rather nonchalant about it because you figured it was important he know and that he wouldn’t make a big deal out of it like others have in the past

• So he freaks out when out of nowhere he shoves his hands down your pants with a cheeky giggle while you guys are play fighting and you immediately scream and bite his shoulder

• And I mean bite it like you drew blood from how hard you bit this man

• “Ah! MC, what the hell?!”

• “I should be asking you that! What is your problem? Don’t stick your hand down my pants you asshole!”

• You immediately ran out of the living room and slammed the bedroom door behind you, feeling embarrassed and a little violated by your own boyfriend

• While he hurriedly tends to his shoulder to stop the bleeding his mind immediately drifts back to the conversation you’d had with him towards the beginning of the relationship

• He literally wants to kms he’s so mad at himself

• He figured you two hadn’t had sex yet because you were just trying to take it slow; after all it’d only been a few months

• Now he understands

• He gave you time to calm down and after about an hour he reaches out to you

• He fiercely apologizes and promises that he will educate himself better and take you more seriously

V

• Like Jumin he’s not really familiar with the term itself

• So when you bring it up to him he’s a little embarrassed to ask so many questions to clarify what that meant for the two of you

• “Essentially, you don’t feel sexual attraction? Like when you look at me, or anybody else who you want to have sex you just don’t feel the need to?”

• “In a way, yeah. Every person who is asexual is different, but that’s how I feel about it. I personally can have sex with you I just... I won’t really want it and I don’t need it.”

• Still a bit confused but he respects your boundaries, always

• “Okay, MC. Thank you for letting me know.”

• He’s never been in a relationship like this before, and his last one was a complete train wreck

• But he’s trying

• You both establish boundaries with one another when it comes to intimacy; what he’s comfortable with and what you’re comfortable with

• It was a bit rough and took a lot of adjusting but with patience and progress the two of you ended up with a healthy and happy relationship

Saeran

• “You’re what?”

• He really isn’t trying to be an asshole, he just genuinely is surprised and confused

• He’s still dealing with his emotional and physical trauma that he went through from his childhood and Mint Eye

• The idea of having sex and being intimate with you was the last thing on his mind and you were okay with that

• At first he thought that your sexuality had something to do with your upbringing and trauma and he thought you two would be able to relate

• While you didn’t have the easiest childhood, that wasn’t why you were asexual. That’s just...the way you were. You always have been asexual you were just born that way.

• “So it’s like when you’re gay? Or bisexual?”

• “Yes precisely.”

• He understands a lot more now and he tries his best to educate himself and keep himself in line

The Women of Sherlock

4 years late to this masterpiece. Sherlock is just the most well-written TV show i have ever come across. Everything is perfectly finessed and crafted with so much care and flair, from script to dialogue to cinematography to plot pacing (I need to rest after one episode), I find no words for higher praise. Perhaps the pompous english delivery and tendency for grandoise flourishes might not be for everyone, but it is definitely my kind of show. 

I remember the part where Mycroft told John, "you are not traumatized by the war. You miss it." was precisely the point I got hooked. I felt that.

So in a bid to enshrine my love for the show (4 seasons of which i binged over two weeks), I shall make a post of the excellent portrayal of female characters (in the same unrelentingly verbose, highfalutin style), that no one asked for and with no new information provided.

MARY ELIZABETH WATSON

The poised and sensible wife and woman behind every good man (wait sorry, why still behind?) that can probably mother anything in her path. Except when she is in assassin-killer mode, she is able to detach her emotions to the point where she can coldly calculate exactly where to shoot you so you might just not die.John just couldn't pick ordinary, blessedly mundane partners, can he?Deadly sharp and sweet, with a deep, prescient wisdom and perception that can probably only be acquired from having killed many and needing to cover your arse about it, Mary is the typical femme fatale character. Unfortunately, she lived up to that name, when, out of fatally unconditional love and loyalty, she fatally took a bullet for the one time our dear Sherly failed, and died.

MRS HUDSON

your sweet, shrivelled grandma-next-door with a whole lot of sass, probably a saucier history of debauchery than you, plus guts of steel belied by her diminutive frame, because which other landlord will stand frequently finding various kinds of human remains stashed in the fridge for lab analysis and the occasional cracks of gunshots in her daintily-wallpapered walls when Sherlock expresses frustration at not being able to crack a case?yes, she isn't a simple woman.  the widow of a depraved and philandering cartel druglord whose death by decapitation was in part precipitated by none other than herself, and therefore inheriting his house and BMW, Mrs Hudson was able to quick-wittedly conceal Sherlock's critical possessions at gunpoint, while engendering sympathy from her captors as a hapless, frightened old lady.

"Mrs Hudson leave Baker Street? England will fall."-Sherlock

EURUS HOLMES

They say women are crazy, and you should be afraid of Eurus Holmes. Sherlock's impressive, Mycroft's prodigious, and Eurus is diabolic. Long-lost, locked up sister of the Holmes trinity, her cleverness proved too dangerous to contain even as a toddler.Her crime? Leading Sherlock's playmate to his death so Sherlock will play with her. Whoops.Might be the best rendition of a villain I've ever seen. One colder, crueller and cocksurer than any male fiend has ever displayed. Beating them at their own game, feeding their ego, making negotiations to get exactly what she wants.However it is revealed her distended intellectual abilities result in feelings of extreme isolation, as if she is 'trapped in a flying plane in which everyone's asleep.' At the end of the day, for all her acerbic appraisals on people and the world, Eurus remains mentally as a little girl pining for her brother to play with her. A light illuminating too brightly that extinguishes just as quickly. Nevertheless, an intriguing freak of nature indeed.

Amazing the number of times a man doesn’t really look at your face. Oh, you can hide behind a sexy smile, or a walking cane ... or just be a therapist, talking about yourself all the time.

IRENE ADLER

What does it mean when a female, self-professed homosexual professional dominatrix and a male, most-likely asexual high-functioning sociopathic detective seem to have an undeniable electrifying attraction to each other? Both recognise the inner freak of a genius in each other that is now, two-of-a-kind.We are shown a woman who relishes and maintains power in every respect, from the bedroom to her personal wealth and even securing underworld invincibility, who, in her own words: 'makes her way in the world'.

 She has no qualms using the power of female sexuality to surprise, subdue and siphon what she seeks, but towards the end we see her falter and thwarted by yet another typically female inclination of emotions and sentiment. (She sardonically or rather affectionately, if her multiple texts to Sherlock in an avant garde display of female-initiated wooing is any indicator) sets the passcode to her phone as I AM SHER-LOCKED)  

Yet she is literally saved by this lapse in affection, from Iranian terrorists, when it moved our utterly self-possessed and honestly also self-obsessed secret softie Sherlock, who reciprocated coolly with rare cliche of a hero-saves-the-damsel-in-distress moment, thus showing us love can be both a formidable weakness and strength.

MOLLY HOOPER

Finally, a character we can relate to. Depicted as an unassuming, babbling and bumbling side character, but  also possesses the ultimate superpower of being able to slap Sherlock in the face without facing resistance or retaliation. Because if she does so, then he deserves it.

JOHN WATSON

Sorry not a woman, I emasculated him. Just balancing out the status quo. He is almost like Sherlock's unappreciated wife in the shadows / and full-time child handler (and I mean this in terms of relationship dynamic, nothing sexual, go away shippers and fic writers) A complete danger-addict and badass packaged in fun-sized, cute, wrinkly dad material. Aw.

https://moonlitthoughts.medium.com/the-women-of-sherlock-3c3437c6f93e

Childhood Emotional Trauma and the Highly Sensitive Child

The subject of childhood emotional trauma and its consequences and symptoms are particularly pertinent to the gifted community.  Growing research has found that a wide array of psychological difficulties finds their roots in these chronic childhood relational and attachment injuries.   Children who experience this type of trauma show a disrupted ability to regulate their emotions, behaviours, and attention, and these symptoms often extend into adulthood, leading to clinical presentations including Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder and even chronic physical pain (APA, 2007).

Paraphrased from here:

Being parents to a sensitive and emotionally gifted child has its own rewards. However, such parents need to be very mature and highly aware. Many parents do not have all that it takes. Most of the times, parents do not exploit or abuse their sensitive children on purpose, but their limited understanding or experience still gets the best of them.

The families of emotionally intense children end up in one of two ways: they can love the child, however much work parenting may be; or they reject the child for his or her strangeness. In an experiment conducted by Andrew Solomon, involving interviews with over 400 families, he observed that in the case of having atypical children, would-be good parent were extraordinary, going the extra mile if the need arose, while the would-be bad parents were downright abusive. He concluded that having an exceptional child exaggerates parental tendencies.

Complex or developmental trauma is particularly detrimental because it is invisible. On the surface, we looked just fine. We were provided with all the material things we need; clothing, food etc. But the way we feel inside does not measure up to what our appearance portrays. There is sometimes a pressure to keep up an illusion of a “normal happy child from a normal happy family”. Our parents and society tells us we are okay, but the fact that we did not feel okay makes us more confused.

A few toxic family dynamics a sensitive and intense child can end up in include scapegoating, parentification, emotionally unavailable parents, enmeshment, parental envy of their children, and more.

There is a LOT I could say about the intersection of being gifted (and thus often emotionally intense and highly sensitive) and having childhood emotional trauma. But I’ll try to keep it to a minimum:

You can be traumatized as a child and not realize it. You can have been emotionally neglected or abused and not realize it. Children accept whatever they grow up with as normal. There are many people who develop Complex PTSD in their THIRTIES from their childhood trauma and didn’t even realize until then that they had BEEN traumatized. I’m one of them.

So here is a very partial list of potential symptoms of childhood emotional trauma. If more than a couple of these sound like you, it might be something to look into:

High sensitivity to embarrassment; feeling extreme or unwarranted shame or embarrassment in awkward social situations

Feeling like you’re completely different than everybody else

Intense isolation and loneliness

Intense, lifelong longing to be loved

Mysterious health problems, chronic pain, chronic fatigue

Sudden and inexplicable floods of negative emotions; mood swings

Having a very poor idea of what you’re actually like or how other people perceive you

Irrational annoyance and anger

Pessimism; noticing the negative things in your life more than the positive things

Intense jumpiness; easily startled

Nightmares

Burnout

Mentally calling yourself names like “weird”, “loser”, “ugly”, “stupid,” etc.

Inability to sit still; ADHD symptoms

Overachieving or giving up and underachieving

Perfectionism

Black and white thinking (things are either GREAT or TERRIBLE. They’ll lead to WEALTH AND FAME or HOMELESSNESS AND BEING FOREVER ALONE. There is no in between.)

Learned helplessness: you feel like there’s no way out of bad situations. Even when people suggest things that might help, you may find reasons to dismiss them as useless suggestions.

Inability to concentrate, excessive daydreaming, ADD symptoms

Giving in to people too easily; wanting everybody in the world to like you SO MUCH, ALL THE TIME

Feeling like you have no choices in how you live your life: things are planned out for you.

Asexuality (I’m not saying this is an illness or something. It’s just that a high percentage of people with childhood trauma (even non-sexual trauma) are asexual. Scientists don’t know why.)

Feeling stuck and perennially dissatisfied with life

Your friends or loved ones often try to convince you of good things about yourself, but you refuse to believe them because you’re SO SURE they’re wrong

the transmisandry “debate” and the attitude towards trans men is so transparently a retreading of literally every exclusionary movement of the last few decades and Yet it’s being perpetrated and tolerated by what otherwise should be inclusionist spaces because it’s once again being pointed at a more “acceptable” target

like, on some level I understand the gut reaction, the term itself is associated with a lot of negativity and “mens rights activists” and the like have made the idea of men specifically facing oppression for being men at best laughable and at worst a red flag for violent misogyny. it’s one of those things that a lot of people in left leaning spaces take for granted as being true across the board, something they don’t need to think about or examine. and to be clear “they” included me for quite some time, I do understand where the feeling comes from

but it’s not about oppression for being men, it’s oppression for being trans men, it’s transmisandry for the same reason that transmisogyny is transmisogyny. it’s a term specifically meant to cast a net over the broad array of experiences that people have specifically as trans men to give them an outlet to both examine their experiences in relation to the wider community of trans men and to specifically seek and give reassurance and solidarity to each other. 

the bigger problem with this argument is that many people will resort to denying what I’ve just said in order to reject the proposed term, whether it’s something they’d actually believe once they examined the situation in earnest or not. because people act as though acknowledging that trans men face oppression for being trans men will open up the floodgates leading to cis straight white men convincing people that they’re oppressed for being men. so trans men Can’t be oppressed for being trans men because trans men are men and men aren’t oppressed.

so leading from this line of thought what you’ll generally see is the argument that what trans men experience is “just” transphobia, and if you press the issue or bring up a personal example you’ll almost as commonly get that anything else is “just” “misdirected” misogyny. and just, there’s so So much to unpack there that I’m almost tempted to just leave it where it is, but ignoring the issue won’t make it go away and I wouldn’t be writing this post if I didn’t want the issue to change.

the point with, I think, the least baggage is one that I’ve already touched upon, that being that the experiences of trans men and trans women are just naturally going to be different from each other and it’s useful for both parties to have language to talk specifically about their experiences, in the same way that it’s useful to examine the differences between the experiences of binary and nonbinary trans people. it doesn’t matter who you think has it “worse” because this isn’t a competition to see who’s oppressed enough to Deserve having their experiences heard. the urge for trans men to make a term to describe their experiences isn’t some way to try to argue that they’re more oppressed, it’s born from the inherent need to be understood and to see that other people exist in the way that you have. it’s the solidarity that brought the trans community together in the first place

a point leading off of that with probably significantly more baggage is the idea that queer and lgbt+ spaces are a contest to measure your oppression in the first place. don’t get me wrong, it Is useful to recognize different axis’ of oppression, to recognize larger patterns of violence faced by specific groups of people at a disproportionate rate. it helps us, as an entire community, identify the most vulnerable groups of people so we can lean into helping them on both a systemic and individual level, so we can see whose voices need to be boosted so they can be heard both in and out of the community. and moreover having these numbers and experiences together can help people outside of the community see that it’s is a problem as well. 

however, the issue comes in when perceived theoretical oppression is used as a social capital to decide who is and is not allowed to be heard. I’m sure I’ve already lost the ace exclusionists ages ago by now, so that’s a perfect example. at it’s most extreme ace exclusionism is blatant bigotry and hatred justified with the excuse that they’re protecting the queer and lgbt+ community from privileged invaders, and even when in it’s milder form ace exclusionism is powered by the idea that asexual people don’t face oppression. marginalized people are denied resources, solidarity, safe spaces, and voices because they’re painted as not being oppressed or not being oppressed Enough. this wouldn’t be able to happen if your worth as a member of the lgbt+ community wasn’t measured by how oppressed your particular minority group is, if it didn’t have the sway that it has. creating a power structure in any way at all leaves people with the ability to exploit that structure, and the specific one that’s emerged within the queer community and leftist spaces in general allows people to exploit it while hiding it as moral, while hiding that they’re causing any pain at all. it’s the same frame of mind that’s made bullying cool in activist spaces 

another reason why this hierarchy tends to fail on an individual level is, of course, that the level of oppression that an entire group faces does not dictate someone’s lived experiences, which is an idea that goes both ways. the argument over whether or not asexuals are oppressed is ultimately a meaningless distraction from the lived experiences of asexual people. it is a Fact that asexuals face higher levels of rape and sexual assault than straight people, you can deny that what they’re facing counts as oppression specifically but what does that matter? there are people who are suffering and that suffering can be lessened by allowing those people into our community, shouldn’t that be enough? likewise, comparing the suffering of individual people as if they were the same as the suffering of their respective groups combined is absolutely absurd. someone who is murdered for being a trans man isn’t less dead than someone who was murdered for being a trans woman. a trans woman isn’t Guaranteed to have lived a harder life than any and every other trans man just because of a difference in statistics, and the same can be said for literally every other member of the lgbt+ and queer communities. other community members aren’t concepts, they aren’t numbers, they’re people with unique lives and sorrows and joy. neither you or I or anyone else is the culmination of our respective or joint communities and some people need to learn how to act like it.

again, there is Meaning in seeing how our oppression is different, it’s not inherently wrong, but creating a framework where it can be used to paint a group of people as both lesser within the community and less deserving of help is creating a framework that can more than readily be abused. and because it positions the abused as privileged it creates a situation where the abuser can justify it to themselves. you use another minority as an outlet for the pain you feel under the weight of the same system that hurts them while denying their pain.

but to pull the conversation back to trans men specifically, lets examine lived experiences for a while longer. “misdirected misogyny” and “just misogyny” are both employed commonly in exclusionist spaces to deny that either someone’s oppression happened to them for the reason they say it did or to deny that their oppression is their own, and often times it’s both. for instance, the claim that ‘asexual people may face higher rates of sexual assault but That’s just because of misogyny (and/or misdirected homophobia)’ is used to deny that what asexual people face is oppression for being asexual. if you can’t deny that an assault victim was assaulted without either violating your own moral code or the moral code of the community you’ve surrounded yourself with then denying the cause of their assault is a more socially acceptable way of depriving them of the resources they need to address that assault. their pain wasn’t their own, it belongs to someone else, someone who’s Really oppressed.

in the context of trans men the argument is, of course, that they’re men. if they just so happen to face misogyny then it’s because they were mistakenly perceived as women. this works a convenient socially acceptable way to deny the lived experiences of a group you want to silence both in the ways that I’ve already illustrated And with the added bonus woke points of doing so while affirming someone’s gender identity in the process.

again, I want to reiterate, even if it were objectively true that all trans men face transphobia and misogyny totally separately, like a picky toddler that doesn’t want their peas anywhere near their mashed potatoes, that is ultimately an insufficient framework when talking about individual lives. there’s literally nothing wrong with trans men wanting to talk about their lived experiences with other trans men in the context of them Being trans men. being black isn’t inherently a part of the trans experience but being black Does ultimately affect your experiences as a trans person and how they impact you and it’s meaningful to discuss the intersection of those two experiences on an individual level. 

but it just, Isn’t true. this shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, but trans men were born in bodies that are perceived as being women, misogyny is a Feature to the experiences of trans men inherently. even trans men who are fully transitioned, have full surgery, have all their papers worked out, completely pass, move to a new state and changed their name, and have zero contact with anyone who ever knew them before or during their transition still lived a significant portion of their lives under a system that was misogynistic against them. of course there’s still a spectrum of personal experiences with it, just like there are with cis women and trans women, but to present the misogyny that trans men face as “accidental” is just absurd.  and moreover, most trans men Aren’t the hypothetical Perfect Passing Pete. I’ve identified as trans for seven years now and I frankly don’t have the resources to even begin thinking about transitioning and won’t for what’s looking to be indefinitely, I don’t even begin to come within the ballpark of passing and it Sure Does Show. misogyny is just as present in my life as it would be for a cis woman but the difference is that I’m not supposed to talk about it.  and even barring That there are transitioned trans men who face misogyny specifically because they are trans men, before during and after transition. you could argue that that’s “just” transphobia but you could do the same for transmisogyny. if we can acknowledge that trans women have experiences that specifically come from their status as women who can be wrongly perceived as men then we should all be able to acknowledge that trans men have experiences that specifically come from their status as men who can be wrongly perceived as women and that both the similarities and differences between these experiences are worth talking about. 

another issue with painting it as “just” misogyny that ties pretty heavily into what I was just talking about is the fact that men don’t have the same access to spaces meant to talk about misogyny that women do.  again, this is something that makes sense on a gut level, it’s not like cis men are being catcalled while walking to 7/11. but like, a lot of trans men are. misogyny is a normal facet in the lives of trans men but male voices are perceived as being invaders in spaces meant to talk about misogyny, both in and out of trans specific spaces and conversations

trans men lose a solidarity with women that they do not gain with men. there’s a certain pain and othering that comes with intimately identifying with the experiences of a group of people while being denied that those experiences are yours, of being treated the same way for the same reason but at once being aware that the comfort and understanding being extended isn’t For you and feeling like you’re cheating some part of your sense of self by identifying with it.

part of that is just the growing pains of getting used to existing as a trans person, but that in and of itself doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to find a solution. if trans men can’t, aren’t allowed, or don’t want to speak about their experiences in women’s spaces then why not allow them to talk about their experiences together? the fact that we even have to argue over whether or not trans men Deserve to talk about their experiences is sad enough in it’s own right, but even sadder is inclusionists, people who should frankly know better at this point, refusing to stand up for trans men because someone managed to word blatant bigotry in an acceptable way Once Again.

I didn't really wasn't sure if I should ever make this post or not. It's not something I was always comfortable with. Sure, I'm okay and reassured about my sexuality and gender for the most part but I never thought that I should, that my struggle with sexuality was worthy of even speaking of, much less where thousands of people could view it if they ever found my post about it. I always thought I was pretty simple with my story but I guess I tend to overlook things regarding myself despite my insistence observation of others (without realizing sometimes).

But recently a YouTuber I deeply respect, cherish, and relate to in more ways than I'm willing to admit came out. You might have heard of him. Daniel Howell uploading a video called "Basically I'm Gay" where he discusses his experience with the word 'gay' and grows up confused with his own sexuality, what is right, and his appending struggle with his self-hatred. That video connected to me, I believe it did for many from the responses I've seen, and made something stir within me.

I don't think I'm some big shot with the worst experience imaginable when it comes to homophobia or anything like that. I didn't experience that much compared to Daniel logically but something I understood from the videos message and overreaching theme is the idea of pride and not being scared to be yourself. In a way, "To have the courage to exist" as one of Daniel's most well-known statements.

Pride is about being proud of who you are, despite what others say, and fighting against the prejudice of the world by showing them you aren't backing down in a way. All the pride rallies and festivals show the world how those who are LGBT and LGBT allies that they aren't backing down and they're going to continue to be them whether the world likes it or not. I've never made a 'coming out' post since I never figured it was needed with how stupidly obnoxious about my interest in women can be. But I never really discussed with anyone my own struggle in discovering that slowly but surely I wasn't exactly straight.

I've been rather open about my sexuality I would think. If someone asks, I'll say it. It's posted on my bio for one of my profiles, I follow accounts that preach awareness of it, and reblog posts about it. I've never really hidden it before.

I would say, compared to others stories, it's more simple and easier for me in some ways. I had bullies when I was younger, still do, but they never bullied me for the word 'gay' or the like. Sure, I heard it when I was little but it meant nothing to me and I didn't understand it at the time. That time was hard enough as it was for me as it was.

But at the same time, I didn't know what it meant. At all. No one had ever explained it to me really. I didn't really even understand what was 'straight'. I guess, as cheesy as it may sound, I just saw 'love' and nothing more. I didn't really see the need for labels as it was all under the same thing to me when I was much younger and more naive.

Then I entered middle school where I met a lot of people, many bad and callous, and others interesting even if they were a bit out there. I met a girl named there Regina (though preferred the name Regi) one day and we ended up being friends for all of middle school despite all the bullying I suffered and that we were in completely different class status'. In eighth grade, when I finally ended up on the same class status as her, we (us and her group of friends) ended up having a talk about sexuality. Her own parents tended to be homophobic and she was able release her realself at school, like most kids really.

I learned about different sexualities with her around. She was the first person to explain to me what difference was there between relationships. Despite everything I had learned and the possibility in the air, I felt there was still something there that was lingering. I wasn't sure what it was at the time, I wouldn't for a few more years.

I like reading about same-sex love and relationships. I'm pretty sure that's obvious with the content I make. I guess subconsciously I knew in a way as I found myself repeatedly attracted to these sorts of stories and struggles.

In 2017, I met my ex. Me and my ex met through the same love of Nakamura's connected universe works and we ended up talking and growing closer. I ended up liking them as the days grew longer with me staying up with them and texting and laughing and smiling so hard that made my cheeks ache. They are funny, sweet, and passionate. I liked them for that. I loved them for that.

My ex was a girl.

I was faced with a situation I never thought I would be. That fog that seemed to cloud my ability to look from a new perspective was what I now understand as heteronormativity. What heteronormativity means is that it's the belief that being straight or heterosexual is the normal and default sexuality. It was everywhere when I was younger, still is but LGBt is spilling in now that I'm older.

I'm a lover of romance but the only books I read was about a girl and boy falling in love and facing their struggles throughout their relationships. The movies I watched were practically the same and watching television shows, awaiting for the girl and the guy to finally get together after they showed obvious interest in each other even though they are basically oblivious to it. No one in my family was outed to be gay or LGBT in anyway like that so I had no real-life example either.

At the end of the day, there was no representation for me when I was a kid and preteen. Perhaps, that's why I always had this idea of 'heterosexuality' imprinted on my mind. For some reason, I just couldn't see me ever being with a girl.

When I ended up falling for my ex and eventually dating her, I didn't have an identity crisis. At least not at the start like most would. Instead, I had one in the middle of the relationship with Dan, my best friend, trying to help me out. She was right in the first place after all of this went down.

Me and my ex's relationship wasn't really healthy for either side really. Sure, it hurt me more but I'm mature enough to realize that both of us were hurt by this relationship. She made a mistake and I made my own in it and that's okay. Our relationship ended but my sexuality crisis went on.

I had dated guys and had crushed on guys in the past and I started to doubt the reality of my feelings for my past exes. In the end, I realized that wasn't love. It was a desperation, the need put by the pressure of society as a teenage girl to get a boyfriend and keep one. It's why I have five exes who were male. It's not something I'm really proud of. I'm sure it'll turn off people who I'm interested in.

I didn't know what I was. It was something I spent days and nights and endless hours questioning, researching, and trying to understand what I was. Who exactly am I? What was my identity?

For some people, having no label is freeing. For me, it was a nightmare. For a while, I made a joke of it, just deciding to call myself Queer. It still haunted me for a long while.  

However, I discovered a sexuality that made me question myself.

Asexuality.

Asexuality isn't the plant life form, though I wish I could duplicate myself because maybe I'd get something done for once, but rather the absence of sexual attraction towards gender. But really in simple terms, it's someone who has no sexual feelings or desires for anyone.

But this term, even though it spoke to me, I was still hesitant to use it. Sometimes, I still am because people don't know the term like they know lesbian and bisexual. People like to think they can explain my asexuality away too, that it'll change because of certain aspects in my life.

When I was younger, around the age of seven, I was sexually abused for two years. It's left my imprint on me for sure like it does every victim of sexual violence. A common aftereffect of sexual violence is the lack of a sex drive and some people like to try and take trauma and twist to explain away my asexuality.

But there's also the aspect of then what about romance? I'm a hopeless romantic and I did love my ex, I never really doubted the depth of my feelings for her. It didn't make sense. Sex has always been matched with romance so how did I match up?

I struggled with that. It was hard and tiring road to walk across for me. I just didn't understand it and my political beliefs were fighting me as well as I didn't want to be someone who was mistakenly making something up or rallying in something that wasn't real.

This idea of my romantic and sexual attraction fighting each other wasn't very easy for me to deal with along with the ever impending stresses of life already. I was struggling in mathematics at school, unsure of what path I wanted to take for a career, dealing with helping a friend deal and try and break up with an abusive lover, and the stress of being bullied added onto my own identity crisis was more than enough.

I...attempted suicide sophomore year. It wasn't my first attempt, my fourth actually, but I didn't succeed obviously. It's definitely not something I'm proud of obviously. My family has no clue, otherwise I might have been institutionalized or not believed. You never really know what could happen.

The stress was almost too much for me and at the time, I was still letting myself feed into my self-harm addiction which didn't help to make matters any better. It was a really hard time. The worst year of my life so far.

Eventually, my sophomore year ended and summer came and I ended up coming out as asexual to my family, even though they didn't quite understand it and I was still figuring things out. Before I knew it, my Junior began. Throughout the year, I still was questioning everything. The single life seemed to be appropriate for me.

However, things never seem to be that simple for me. How I wish it could be. I ended up encountering girls I found cute and I found myself getting giddy and being an idiot around girls. Much as I wish it helped solidify an answer for me, it didn't. Rather, it just made me more puzzled.

Not too long ago, actually after the anniversary of me being single, I met a girl who I ended up falling for instead of having just a crush on. My sexuality is confusing, I won't deny that.

I like girls. I really like girls. They're really adorable, soft, and beautiful. Femme, bitch, whatever, I think you're cute!! Girls are really, really cute! I want to date one I love.

I guess that's where the problem came in. My asexuality and my love for girls wanted to fight, as it always does. What am I? Gay or asexual? It was a never-ending question in my mind.

Am I a homoromantic asexual? Or am I being a special little snowflake? I don't know. It's something I fear. I wasn't sure what to do or go or what choice to make.

I say I'm gay because I make tons of jokes about it because I like girls and gay is often an umbrella term but that's the truth. I don't have any sex drive or desire for anybody, not even girls. It's strange and different and I'm not sure how to exactly explain it properly. I don't think I could, just like how I could never explain the horror and the pain and the aftereffect and how much sexual violence screws with a person. It's not so simple to be explained like that. I just know there's no sexual want in me, no attraction towards anyone.

Labeling myself, while normally it feels freeing, suddenly it's scary. To write it down on an official post where everyone could see, it makes me hesitant and fearful even. But I suppose everyone has to at some point. I mean, if Daniel can it do it in front of the entire world, surely I can. That gives me a little hope and inspiration. I don't think he'll ever realize how much he helps people sometimes.

I'm avoiding the question. What am I?

I'm asexual.

I'm an asexual who has a love for girls so that makes me a homoromantic asexual I guess.

And I said it. Wow. This is weird. And new.

Can I crawl into a hole somewhere now?

All joking aside, that's what I am and stand before you now to put a label on it. I'm asexual, I prefer to use that to just simple it down. If you want the details, you've got them.

What even was this again?

Again, all joking aside, happy Pride Month to everyone, including myself!

[old] guidelines

// these are my original rules. though they are still generally relevant, my newer, shorter, more concise rules post is here

A love letter from me to you! Please take it to heart.

The Lowdown: mod is an artist & supportive af｜selective｜primarily plot-motivated｜operates on mutual respect｜your friendly rpc fairy godbitch; gimme your wishlists｜zero tolerance for OC negativity & bigotry｜triggers present｜18+ content present｜consistent but occasionally capricious activity｜OOC communication appreciated｜lots of love abound ♡

Mod Sal (they/them/theirs; 24; PST)

     I study medicine and social justice with emphasis on emergency medicine and sex work, respectively. In addition to being a writer I’m also an activist, artist, and scholar. I’ve been writing Bel since 2015. She’s a very intricate and highly dynamic character who has gone through many changes over the years via her interactions. I look forward to developing her even more with your muse(s)!

     Before I talk about the kind of conduct I’d like on my blog, this is the type of roleplayer and friend I aspire to be. I’ll strive to be as attentive and supportive as I can about your muse, ideas, as well as ooc presence. If we’re mutuals, you can expect plenty of inboxes, tag games, headcanons, relationship tags, to be tagged in & sent posts relating to our muses, general interaction, and emotional support proportional to the depth of our interactions when I’m online. I’m an unapologetic 1-person hype squad at heart and will do my best to spread the love and return the love I get.

     If I’m not around here, you can find me on my snk blog and/or discord by request. I muse Eren and Levi as secondary muses, but they won’t be nearly as active as Bel and are only available to established mutuals. I also have untagged resource & nsfw musing side blogs.

Interactions

  When it comes to interactions, nothing motivates me more than an eagerness to develop our muses’ relationship. Depending on what works best for you, we can work on this via inbox submissions, plotting, or simply interacting. I have a tendency to write para/novella-length replies, but will strive to match you in length and style. Please include something I can actively respond to in your reply, because neutral replies can be very difficult to build upon, and please do not godmod her based on assumptions and/or stereotypes about her character/profession.

  With regards to ask responses, please feel free to turn them into threads by tagging me in a new post and cutting your replies. I’ll turn asks into threads if they inspire me, but you’re under no obligation to continue them if you’re not as motivated. When cutting, please don’t cut me out. Also, please don’t reblog asks with your reply or reblog replies with my tag if I don’t reply quickly enough. I track of all my threads to the best of my ability, so please check there first if you want to know the status of our thread. If I’ve missed a thread of ours, please help me out by sending it to me in a message so I can add it to the tracker. If you lose muse for a thread, please don’t feel pressured to continue it. We can always take a break or start something new. I don’t cap my threads and am always open to new interactions.

Selectivity

    Though I run a selective blog, I am not very selective in nature. I do have a preference for original and SnK/AoT characters, especially those that inspire me and challenge me. I’ll primarily look for interactions by checking blog rules for oc-friendliness, reblogging promos, asking to be mutuals in the tags, then follow back after that initial follow is granted. If you don’t want me to follow you, please block me completely because otherwise I’ll think it’s a mistake/glitch and follow you again. On the topic of glitches, they do happen so I apologize ahead of time if that happens above or below my radar.

    I don’t tolerate oc-negativity or ooc bigotry and will handle my blog accordingly. If you align yourself in any way with TERF, SWERF, homophobic, ace-exclusionary, racist, and/or xenophobic rhetoric, please do not interact. It’s important for me to surround myself with enriching content and community. I have boundaries and will be setting them for my own comfort as well as respect yours because mutual respect between muns is key to a healthy rpc.

Sourcing

    Please don’t do it. This goes for starters, ask memes, wishlist posts, and wanted connections. I understand we might not be the muse/mod duo you have in mind and that we don’t fit every situation, but please don’t fill my notifications with this sentiment, especially if we don’t have any established interactions yet. If our blogs have that much in common, there’s so much we could be musing about. If this happens excessively without us having any interactions, I’ll unfollow and/or block because I am a roleplay blog, not a resource hub. If you’re interested in my musing/resource posts, please show interest in muse interactions as well. The latter is why I’m here and there’s nothing more disheartening and discouraging to my creativity than being used and/or ignored when I present things.

Original Character Disclaimer

    It pains me that something like this needs to be said, but Bel wasn’t created to force ship with your muse and/or overpower our threads. I will absolutely under no circumstances tolerate any form of OC negativity. I don’t care if you think they’re “cringey”, “underdeveloped”, “overpowered”, or any other iteration of not meeting your personal criteria of a good character. Opinions are valid but unsolicited bullying is not. It is important to realize that canon characters are still original characters bar their capitalistic franchise. The mods of original characters are a goldmine of free and original content and deserve to be judged by conduct, not content.

    If you’d like to support OCs, I invite you to scroll through and reblog a thing or two from my OC positivity tag, as well as follow and engage in meaningful interactions with the OCs in your orbit. Your encouragement could be what makes a content creator’s breakthrough, so please be kind and supportive. Saying you’re OC-friendly while providing an extensive grocery list of double standards OCs must abide by to be considered acceptable isn’t OC-friendliness. Likewise, musing an OC doesn’t automatically make you incapable of being exclusive (unintentional or not) so please be cognizant as well  and lets support each other.

Shipping

    That being said, I’m just like every other mun. I enjoy shipping and the occasional smut scene given the chemistry is right and both muns are equally invested in the relationship as well as comfortable with it. The more we develop our muses, the more complicated their relationship will be and the more likely I’ll personally gift you with fanart. Above all, your comfort is paramount to our interactions so please communicate with me. Likewise, please respect my comforts when I speak of them. I am much more likely to be enthusiastic about shipping than Bel is, however, so please be patient with us and respect her boundaries as well.

# FREE THE FPN . SFW // ONLY IT’S NOT

    This is the tag I will use to mark sexually explicit content. Bel is somewhere on the ace spectrum, but is nonetheless a sensual character and has a couple verses that engage in sex work. Bel’s struggles with her identities are a very big part of her personal characterization, so please be patient with her. [Marilyn Monroe’s hinted asexuality] Likewise, if she’s not into your muse, please don’t push such interactions unless we discuss them as a plot element.

Trigger Warnings

    The SnK universe is rampant with violence, gore, psychological trauma, profanity, and grey morality. Furthermore, I enjoy writing dark themes and will provide the disclaimer now that this may be a rather trigger-heavy blog. However, that doesn’t mean you have to be subject to all these themes. If you’d like me to tag things in a certain way, please don’t hesitate to let me know because your comfort is important to me. I’ll gladly create a new tag for you to blacklist/filter and add it to my tag list. Furthermore, this blog will have the occasional explicit content so please don’t interact if you’re under 21.

Activity

   I’m finishing up my bachelor’s so classes and coursework will keep me from here sometimes. Furthermore, I struggle with mental illness and domestic abuse in my home environment, so bouts of these may also pull me from activity. I’ll be doing my damndest to keep my issues off the dash but if things are especially severe and I feel the need to post about it and/or reach out, I’ll use a semicolon tag (#;).  Nonetheless, musing, roleplaying, and plotting helps keep my spirits up so please keep me updated with your muse and share your discord with me, if you’d like. I’d love it so much if we could continue developing our muses as I slip off of and find my way back to tumblr, and I’d appreciate you very much as a writing partner and friend. ♡

Accessibility

    I’m not very savvy with code, but I do try my best to keep my blogging accessible as I tinker and learn. If you struggle with accessing any part of my blog, let it be font size, style, or anything else, please let me know and I’ll do my best to accommodate because I don’t want to perpetuate elitism or ableism in the rpc. As far as reply formatting goes, I’ll usually stick to once small text (particularly in novella length replies via ctrl shift -) and spare use of italics, bolding, and strikethrough text. I may use unicode and/or zalgo for art captions, personal musing posts, crack threads, and other posts that call for it. Every once in awhile, I will blog from mobile and as a result post text in default size, but I’ll still cut my posts and at worst, separate our replies with a symbol or icon if I can’t blockquote text through html.

Permissions

     One of my favorite things about roleplaying is sharing content and playing tag games. If you come across anything that reminds you of Bel and/or our interactions/plotting, please show me! Even more so, if you’re a content creator, you have complete and total freedom to use her and her inspirations in your work. I only ask to see it! Likewise, if I ever create any art for you, please acknowledge it at the very least. If you send in an art request and I deliver, please reblog it. Failure to do this kills my creativity as well as generosity so... please.

   Exclusive to this blog are my own art and edits as well as those gifted by friends. Please don’t ransack our labors of love and re-purpose them as your own. Bel’s Iva & Marie icons were collected by yours truly with a beautiful frame made by Shane. Other people who have contributed their talents throughout the years include madcapraccoon, L, desertbl00m, Eris, Justice, sangre-rebelde, emptyolivejar, desimouse, and the many rp blogs that have interacted with her. I’d also like to give a special shout-out to sjokohama for the boundless enthusiasm given to her development as well as the readers who have enjoyed and left amazing comments on her original fanfiction. She wouldn’t be out here if it weren’t for Y’all ~ ♡

If you feel like something should be added to or clarified in these guidelines, please let me know. I realize I have a lot to say as a consequence of being here for so long, but I still want to keep my conduct as transparent and accessible as possible. 

Thank you for reading! Please feel free to like this post and interact ~ ♡

HSE 4/20/19 6

Alright; had a busy day yesterday but I’m back at it for a bit, at least:

MEAT 11

I wonder if John having trouble yelling in this place means it’s separated him from “Breath” in some way. I don’t think it does since there’s obvsl light and space in this location, but neither Rose nor Jade seem to be able to use their abilities, either(and, ofc, no one is suffocating). It could be that being “inside”(?) the JuJu suppresses abilities(since John COULD use his from the White Space, so this space has different properties). Within it they’re outside of canon, but their powers work just fine on EarthC, so that can’t be it. Myb it separates them from the metaphysical(which would be why no time exists there since it’s by nature a metaphysical abstraction or derivative), while still possessing physical qualities(like atmosphere, space, form, light, etc). Or it could just be power-suppression.

Also: we’re all in agreement they’re arranged in the four sections of the logo, like oh so many fanarts of the past, right?

Did John really hang around with Terezi enough to feel this deeply about her, or have such a well-formed opinion? I suppose how one feels about another isn’t so much a question of time as impact though. she DID

Badgerflirt him to death in another timeline

lead him partway through an Epic Quest which gave him a Cool Rocketpack in his personal timeline

give him an Epic Quest to Hateflirt with her throughout her life, then die dramatically before him, all as part of a plan to get him to save his and her shared friend’s life by punching her in her stupid face.

and John is 1)pretty perceptive and 2)prone to strong immediate judgements, so I suppose it fits.

Also This:

is just a Gr8 description of Terezi and I Love It uwu

Though at the same time: imagining that some friend is totally awesome and lacking in flaws and difficulties of their own, which would allow them to fix YOUR problems easily if they’d been around, is not terribly healthy, and also a subtle way to beat yourself up (:( (:(

MEAT 12

Ok, so this is the infamous Jade Quote section.

I actually don’t mind it. In context, I think it’s fine and totally works; yes, it’s way too forward and groanworthy, but it’s meant to be as the whole purpose/arc of this section is Jade trying to goad Dave and Karkat into facing emotions&desires which they’re repressing&avoiding for reasons of anxiety&(understandable)fears of vulnerability/loss/hurt. And also Jade’s generally been pretty straight-forward and blunt(while still repressing and hiding alot herself) since her dreamself’s death(which is it’s own thing. Like: Yes, I do think this section is also meant to show some of Jade’s issues, even if it’s presenting Jade as being more aware, active, and dynamic than Dave and Karkat here).

Like: Dave and Karkat are deeply important to one another, they bring a lot of happiness into each others lives, and they also carry around alot of trauma specifically related to intimacy and cohabitation and emotional honesty which obvsl causes them lots of anxiety and makes opening up to other people, ESPECIALLY physically, really fucking scary. And, both of them being super-avoidant and prone to passive support in certain respects(by which I mean: they avoid talking about uncomfortable stuff, and support others by trying to be available and distracting rather than facing the problem, then brushing off their support as “the natural thing” or actually not support), means that, absent outside meddling, they’ll both basically just swirl around each other comfortably flirting forever, never taking a chance on pursuing anything more they might want. Which isn’t to say nonsexual relationships are bad or anything, they’re not, and neither is it “bad” that they’ve kept their rom til now nonsexual, or even, necessarily, that they’ve allowed it to exist without labeling it “love” or “romance”; those choices are the choices that were comfortable and safe and non-stressful for them, they had every right to make them, and that they live together without stress or conflict is proof that they were “good” ones. But at the same time: there’s a big distance between a healthy, long term, asexual relationship, and one where the participants desire one another, but their anxieties and hangups prevent sexual exploration, let alone (and more importantly)deeper emotional honesty and intimacy. Particularly when that goes to the point of actively excluding one member because of their unwillingness to pretend those, difficult to face and process, feelings aren’t there.

And yes, Jade’s def going about this a bit too head-on and too bluntly, this really is a subject that ought to be worked through sensitively and slowly, but

I sense from the writing that this is meant to be taken as just the lastest(and perhaps exasperated?) step in a long, long process of her trying to engage them on how she feels for them and how she (correctly, I think)thinks they feel for her

Jade’s own issues predispose her towards such approaches

Jade doesn’t like dealing honestly with introspection and the more “down” emotions any more than John does, but the way she handles them is not through denial and feigned ignorance, but rather Suppression and trying to bury them with Happiness and Enthusiasm. This is part of why Jade, despite her intelligence and power, usually tries to solve problems by barrelling through them, getting between them, or overpowering them(much like she tries to Math and Logic her way through this particular conversation; steamrolling Dave with her Rightness and Verve rather than the sort of [painful and exhausting]genuine emotional engagement that could actually generate a constructive response[see: his talk with Dirk in the Endgame]), rather than working/thinking around/through them. She’s not the type to walk a maze; she’s the type to smash it’s walls down. And that’s what she’s trying to do here. She’s tried, for a decade, to talk through these issues with them, or perhaps instigate an Encounter(though she’s always been a bit messy, so I dont read her bras being all over the couch as being attempted seduction as Dave does here[if I’m reading the narration right]. Possibly territory marking, though, which could be described as adjacent?).

HAVING SAID ALL THAT:

I totally get the frustration and anger at the first we see of Jade being about sex, romance, and other people. Jade’s been given a super raw deal by HS canon; her WHOLE STORYLINE since Cascade has been entirely about other people, and specifically her responding to/dealing with/interpreting for other people re: her romantic relationships&feelings; and to see her agency, yet again, getting expressed entirely through romance, to see her again for the first time in a context that presents her as exclusively or primarily concerned with relationships and sex, is pretty galling. One could certainly offer psychological explanations rooted in isolation for all this but the fact was This Was a Narrative Choice. It was a narrative choice to leave her in canon at a unsolicited kiss, and a narrative choice to reintroduce her in the Epilogues through an attempt to talk Dave and Karkat into dating her; literally presenting her sexuality as preeminent within her characterization in the work. There’s a hell of a lot more to her than that; she was never really presented as especially interested in physical intimacy in canon despite the prominence relationship and attraction was given in her arc; and I can totally understand ppl reading it as yet another example of Jade’s story being about dudes rather than her.

ok, think I’m going to stop there today.

A Little Ace Story - When You Know Me

Well, did want to contribute something to Asexual Awareness Week, but no time or energy to catch up on the artistic side. So how about a story instead.

Or more like a ramble, inspired by an anon from way back. From one of the rare brushes I’ve had with the discourse of trying to erase asexuality as a valid orientation for people to identify as.

Far from the little story first promised... prepare for wall of text down below.

The anon came from my occasional dip into drama, which I usually avoid. But I had it with a post I saw, don’t remember how I came across it, where people was quite busy judging a video about asexuality purely by out of context screenshots. I replied to the claims made by people not knowing what they were talking about, and made sure to actually provide the video for people to watch, instead of just using out of context screenshots as only means to pick and choose bits to mock.

I’m pretty sure one of the people who had added their own mockery on the post had noticed my reblog, as their way of writing their claim on anon doesn’t match up to how anyone I know would write to me. Nor like the usual, failing trolls.

They contacted me with a claim to try and invalidate my identity. At the time I did reply, but only with mockery and then shrugged it off to move on with my life.

But something stuck with me though. Their argument was so flawed. No one could possibly actually think like that, right? Who in their right mind would think that actually had any value as an argument.

But then again. It does fit the usual arguments and issues people usually seem to have when against something they find unfamiliar. That’s the thing. They put claims on things based on the familiarity. A lot of one sided debates often cook down to “I don’t relate to this, so I’ll force my own experience onto you.”Failing to realize their personal experience isn’t universal to everyone.

That’s usually the core of discourses against minorities. “I’m not familiar with you, why won’t you just assimilate to what I know?”

What DID the anon say?

Well, I’ve over time deleted the original ask it seems, as I just treated it as a troll.

But essentially they said

“You once felt differently. Then you learned about asexuality on the Internet and decided to change.” - Anon

It was, quite honestly, mind baffling dumb.

This random stranger from the Internet dared to make a claim to know me. My development as a person, as a human being. To know I “choose” to change my orientation for a trend, to be “special.”

Because in no way could this be someone I knew, hiding behind the anon face.

I’ve gone to two schools, different classmates and teachers. Both places the other students would declare me “not straight.” At the time we didn’t know of any other alternatives than homosexual, on the later school bisexual was more known. In lack of knowing other orientations, and being declared Not Straight(tm) by classmates, the first school had me declared for a lesbian by default. The other school had people discuss me behind my back while picking someone brave enough to just ask me what was up.

But when questioned I would honestly tell them “I don’t know” and they accepted that, not enforcing the label put on me. I was simply... not straight and questioning.

Conversations with friends and family through my life I found odd at the time, first years later realizing... it had been attempts at awkward hints that I was safe to come out to them. Because they knew I wasn’t straight. But too unsure to pressure the thought I must be gay or bi, as that didn’t felt right either.

My sister abusing my lack of ability to tell beauty in a man the way she and other girls did, to cheat at “Guess Who” when playing boardgames with me as kids.

When I came out as asexual to my family, I was honestly surprised that the majority of comments were “Oh, we already knew that. Just didn’t knew it had a name.” Because I had been too oblivious about how much they knew me.

I wasn’t straight, I wasn’t gay or bi or pan... they didn’t knew WHAT I was... but they knew WHO I was and that was enough.

All my life they knew. Not knowing what they knew, they didn’t had a name for it. But they knew what I was none the less. And accepted it long before I reached the end of my journey to discover who I was.

No, I never “felt differently” in my life. It was so obvious, that my family had long ago accepted this side of me, while I still struggled with the stress and frustrations about what I felt society expected of me. I never changed.

When I came out to friends and family, nothing changed. The only change was I now had a name to explain how I felt. To them it made sense, that’s how I have always been. How they saw me was never different.

It’s not a trend. It’s not about being special. It’s not anymore a choice as any other sexuality.

Arguing that your personal experience should be universal is the dumbest argument ever. Me coming out as Ace to my family, changed as much as a straight person coming out as straight to their family. Because THEY always knew me.

Now I know I’m BLESSED with a family this accepting and supportive. Not all of them understand Asexuality, but they accept me either way. Nothing but support and acceptance. And even better, no change to dynamics or socializing, because I am just how I am and there’s nothing wrong about it. I simply put a term to it, and we all moved on without any disturbance.

I know a lot of people getting flack for being seen as different. People of any orientation experiencing the horror of being disowned and thrown out of their homes. Abused. Attempted “cured” and “corrected”. I’m so blessed by the support I have experienced through my life.

Those who had it worse... deserves so much better than blind and deaf people not only refusing to accept differences, but dares to argue against it with expectations that everyone should just confirm.

Don’t walk up to strangers and demand them to be a clone of yourself. It makes no sense.

Be as accepting as my family has been through my whole life. People who have known me long enough just knew. Don’t push, don’t bother, don’t demand. Accept. Move on. Don’t like it? Don’t engage. People not being like yourself, are no danger to you. No harm.

We are, all as one, just people. In our own ways. The glory of diversity.

This turned out longer than planned, but I do find it hard to stop once I get going. If you ACTUALLY read through all this... know you are the awesomest person I’ve ever encountered. Thank you for your time

Oh fuck i cant stand this

Ive already almost used up my damn mobile data again and i only bought it yesterday. Fuck i want to go home. You guys are like the only comfort i have here and i dunno what im gonna do when i cant message you again

Fuckin hell stupid shit day! I was supposed to go to a therapy class thing today but the stupid bus went past where my abusive father lives and i had a MASSIVE FREAKOUT and had to go home and then ofcourse to go home you have to go back on the stupid same bus!! I fuckib failed and wasted the doctor's time and he had to grab me to stop me from running off the bus crying and back to fuckin hell dad's house because im shit and i deserve everything he ever did to me

AND THEN fuckin same doctor continues the relentless constant tide of everyone misgendering me and making crass transphobic jokes

"You see you've gotta understand the other opinion" he says, as if trans people werent fuckin raised SURROUNDED by cis people's predjudiced opinion of us and taught it was fact. As if it didnt take me SO MUCH WORK to even become confident enough to stand up for myself! I've gotta see the 'other opinion' that "yknow well families and children use public bathrooms and theyre scared trans people will molest their children so its understandable they want to kick you out or even act violent to you". Yknow the OTHER OPINION that MY OPINION DOESNT MATTER and also MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS A CRIME but i'm the one being predjudiced for not accepting that OPINION, right?! Im here trying to tell him that no that isnt rational because there have been LITERALLY NO RECORDED CASES of trans people molesting children in public bathrooms, or even "evil men faking being trans" to do the same thing. There's been more cases of actual cis men breaking into women's bathrooms to drag women out for merely LOOKING trans. More cis women have been harassed because of anti trans laws than they ever did before! But hey "respect that other opinion", right? And also "at least its not as bad as russia" and "but gay pride is everywhere now, that one footballer had rainbow shoelaces." Hey wow i never noticed that not only was homophobia totally over but also transphobia was remotely related to that! Wow! I seriously had to bring out the fuckin 1600s historical investigation on pre-british olde englishe that showed the existance of a gender neutral pronoun before the word "he" ever existed, and the existance of transgender pride and pronoun discussions in the 1800s before the word transgender was even popularized. I cant believe i fuckin had to do a 'show your sources that queer people existed before the internet' IN REAL LIFE. WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I can point at the damn NHS website but nooooo!

Oh and yknow what got me the most? YKNOW WHAT GOT ME THE MOST?? "We have sick people here, you cant expect them to remember stuff like that. Dont ruin their recovery by bringing up stuff like that." Like..fuckin..IM A FUCKIN PATIENT TOO. I wasnt even asking the other patients to stop hurting me i was asking you the staff to maybe consider it! And seriously you want me to be so super ultra perpetually prepared and perpetually rational and able to keep my existance secret and out of every conversation yet theyre too ill to learn about lgbt people existing? Just a sentence would be too painful? And me living every day being misgendered doesnt impact my ability to recover at all, eh? Fuckin shitting fuck hell.

And i hate it i HATE IT because he's being nice so i'll be the bad guy if i complain. Likehe fuckin..doesnt even know he's being rude and doesnt want to consider the idea. He says 'i dont like your tone' if i suggest the concept and FUCK in that moment i was so fuckin scared he was gonna hit me like my dad did. Or at tge very least kick me out of the hospital if i dont cooperate with him. He just fuckin..thinks he's perfectly unbiased and accepts everyone and "oh but i like to make fun of everyone equally". And i even fuckin raised the subject that people who say that often only make fun of minorities and never themselves, the majority, or major power structures. And he's just like 'yeah yeh i hate people like that'. Whoosh. Rigjt over the head. God i wasnt even TRYING to be passive aggressive i was trying tk outright tell him why what he said was upsetting me but NOPE. Trying to explain how its just so hard and tiring to have to verrrrrry patientlyyyyy explain yourself to EVERYONE EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY while they sling loads of rude words at you and it should be just allowed because they 'dont know better'. Like you ask me to educate you but at the same time im rude if i actually tell you?? And god i also tried to explain how the fuckin bathroom violence thing isnt an example of 'educating another opinion' AGAIN by saying like... If someone just asked me to explain being transgender i would. If someone just said they were uncomfortable i would leave. That's 'another opinion'. Reacting with slurs and violence to a trans person existing and not doing anything to you is not 'another opinion' and its not someone who 'just didnt know'. He was seriously trying to argue that it WASNT BIGOTED it was just someone rationally being afraid for their children because of a danger that doesnt exist, and rationally reacting with extreme violence rather than doing anything else. Rationally. RATIONALLY. oh just MISTAKENLY committing a hate crime! Cos they just didnt know trans people exist! Not cos they hate us! Oh no! Yeah sure we totally have a fucking DUTY to educate these POOR UNKNOWING PEOPLE while theyre attacking us, and its our damn fault if we didnt...

And just fucking FUCK i hate how someone can say all that stuff and still be "nice" and still not hate me personally? Like its so messed up?? He's not anti trans or anything he just has so much more damn sympathy for cis people than trans people, and puts all the onus on us to somehow prevent our own murders. And he thinks that "i dont have a problem with trans people" means doing LITERALLY NOTHING to change your behaviour to make trans people feel accepted. They should just magically know that your jokes are jokes when theyre surrounded by so many people saying it honestly, in CONSTANT FEAR OF THAT EXACT THING LEADING TO VIOLENCE. And like in order to be "a guy who has no problem with trans people" he has to do nothing, while in order for me to be not bigoted against HIM it means i have to never get offended by his jokes and also never talk about myself and also constantly educate him about things because he doesnt want to learn, even though he works in a hospital thats supposed to have an anti discrimination policy. Like fuckin just NOT HURTING LGBT PEOPLE doesnt make you discrimination free, shit like telling me to misgender myself because my pronouns would confuse the other patients is kinda fuckin fucked up. Also "that's a question for later" is all i CONSTANTLY get when it comes to talking about legal name changes or therapy or even just talking to an lgbt support group. I have to wait until i stop being depressed because oh no im talking about too many mental illnesses at once. Its been seven years and i havent fuckin stopped being depressed, bitch! Ever consider a fuckin symptom of gender dysphoria is a big ol fat depression!!! And just gahhhhh he was so fuckin baffled and angry that i would dare to get emotional about the subject?? Like he just saw DEBATING WHETHER TRANS PEOPLE ARE REAL and WHETHER PEOPLE WHO MURDER THEM FOR USING THE BATHROOM ARE JUSTIFIED as a perfectly normal casual discussion that a Non Transphobic Man could have with his transgender friend. Why oh why would i cry about this casual hypothetical discussion? Hey its not like it fuckin affects me directly! "Well its never happened to you right?" A Ha Ha Ha Ha. Also fuckin "so which bathroom do you use?" and "well you're not really transgender if youre not getting the surgery-oh wait you do want the surgery? How does that work then?" I swear i could just see the gears turning in his head and he was about to say "do you want both down there". Gahhhhhh *cringes myself into a tiny tumbleweed and blows away*

Also the entire time he kept calling being trans a sexuality and also asexuality. "No youre not trans youre asexual right?" Yeah sure ive just been saying im trans and saying im not a girl and wearing a chest binder and talking this entire conversation about my experiences as a trans person in public bathrooms just to pull an elaborate prank on you. And like i know what he meant is that he thought the word for nonbinary was asexual (has asexuality REALLY made so little progress towards getting into the sex ed curriculum in the entire 25 years of my life?) But like seriously he was like "youre not really trans if youre nonbinary". And then fuck dude i dont wanna explain how surgery works to you!! And especially not also my entirely unrelated sexuality that has entirely different equally upsetting predjudices!

Ans gahhhh fuck i just got no sympathy for crying and he acted as if it was just some wildly unexpected occurance he never could have predicted. And i hate it cos he's nice to me whenever the subject is about anything else. I cant get any symoathey from ANYONE because he's A NICE GUY and why dont i just understaaaaaand other opinionnnnnns

I wanted to fuckin quit this whole thing on the spot and go home. Only reason i cant is because my support worker is off work until thursday auauauaughhh

Fuck at least one positive i guess is that ive made progress in the social anxiety or at least gotten better at giving the impression im making progress. Cos i want to LEAVE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. And also fuck all my other worries seem less suicide-inducing when im actually getting the closest ive ever been to killing myself on a daily basis because of a stupid other thing that i never could have predicted. Go here for one form of self hate, come home with another! Yayyyyy

And fuck i havent even made a single bit of progress on drawing or writing anything and i cant practise making ganes cos my laptop cant run rpgmaker and i havent even started reading my giant pile of books cos they fuckin LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW EVERY SINGLE HOUR TO MAKE SURE YOU AINT KILLED YOURSELF. i have no fuckin pribacy and its making me wanna kill myself even more!! I just live constantly on edge looking at the fuckin door window and i cant even do anything to distract myself because im too scared of them looking at me!! Or barging in at no notice to tell me i have to do some big stressful thing RIGHT NOW because i dont even get advance notice of anything aaaa! And fuck i dont have anywhere to go to even calm down from a panic attack cos i have no privacy so at least im getting over being scared of going outside cos outside is the only place i can go to cry. Fuckin strangers in the crowd at least wont cause shit if they see me.

Fuck i want to go home. Fuck i wish i had enough money to keep buying mobile internet. Its like fuckin 750mb a day to run tumblr but its all ive got to talk to any person who doesnt hate me or patronize me or think im faking a bunch of shit or whatever the fuck. And im not even any fun to be around when im like this so im probably just ruining your day too. And im probably gonna vanish again soon and then just go back to crying alone and getting worse and probably never being able to leave

I knew it was gonna be stressdul but i didnt predict any of this.. I just wanna fuckin die. I wanted to jump out the car and go to my old dad's house and have him pull open the door and slap me around a bit. Like call me a fucking dyke, call me a sick retard, be honest about your feelings! I'd fuckin take being abused over this "oh youre the bad one for being mad because i had goooood intentions" reverse psychology bigotry from hell. Either these people are evil geniuses or theyre even more stupid like me. Fuckin shit dad please manifest in my room and slap me, killing me instantly. I feel like being scared of you would at least be a faster emotion than this nebulous sensation of confusing unease and dysphoria 24/7 for 6 fuckin months. One week done, haha! Hahahabahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahshshshahshahahahhahahaaaa

Sexual Addiction Definition: Overcoming Sexual Fetishes and Managing Them (100% Unique Guide) | Richrainbows

Sexual Addiction Definition

Sexual addiction definition is a condition in which a person becomes overly concerned with ideas or acts that produce a desired consequence.

It entails devoting a significant amount of time to contemplating and/or engaging in sexually addictive behaviors.

Easily available or less accessible (paraphilic) practices are examples of sexual behavioral addictions.

One-night stands or several encounters, connections with prostitutes, seeing pornographic photographs or movies, or compulsive masturbation are all examples of more easily available addictive acts.

There's been a lot of controversy between being sexually active and being a sex addict.

Some people tend to mix this up – seeing a sexually active man and mistaking him to be a sex addict is a whole total misunderstanding.

This is not just restricted to men only – women can also be sex addicts.

Being a sex addict is something strong that takes a while before one can overcome such an act.

It is more like being on drugs which would require some therapy before such a habit can be stopped.

In this article, we would discuss what sex addiction means and how to manage sexual fetishes.

Growing up in your early 20's is when you tend to develop your habits which could be a negative or a positive one.

This is where sex addiction comes in – whereas as a kid, you are being exposed to different adult materials on the television.

Most times, these children pick up bad habits which tend to grow up with them as they get older.

Let's get to understand what it means to be a sex addict. What to learn more about this? Read on.

What is Sex Addiction? (Sexual Addiction Definition)

Sex addiction is referred to as a sexual disorder, hypersexuality, and compulsive sexual behavior usually beyond normal.

Sexual addiction is also known as hypersexuality, sexual reliance, and compulsive sexual behavior disorder. As with other reliance's,

Sexual addiction impacts negatively in an addict's life – with a high frequency of affecting the physical, mental, health, and personal safety.

There is always some form of aggressive nature towards the receiver and can expand your initiative and your business down.

Sex addiction makes one seek out multiple sex partners due to the urge to ease the pain which the receiver gets. These feelings can make someone succumb to excessive masturbation.

This act is purely a form of disorder in which the result would lead you to a compulsive need to masturbate to satisfy your urge.

Sometimes, it propels the receiver to watch pornographic videos and pictures.

People who suffer from sexual addiction wouldn't mind leaving their urgent activities to fulfill that urge.

They would perform certain sexual activities multiple times a day and most times, always have this uncontrollable.

Hearing so much about sex addiction would you want to ask if there is a way it can be treated.

Read: Female asexual reproduction, sexual reproduction, and its consequences in Ladies (Safe Guide – 2021) | Richrainbows

Treatment of Sexual Addiction

Psychotherapy is the first recommended treatment for sexual addiction – because it is associated with depression.

It is found out that one of the causes of sexual addiction is depression.

So, during this therapy – a person suffering from depression speaks with a trained and licensed mental health care professional who helps him with identifying the factors that may be causing their depression.

The majority of the depression being suffered by people today is as a result of chemical imbalances in the brain – making it important to take good care of your psychological aspect.

When a person goes through sexual addiction, he/she is prone to having multiple affairs, engaging in one-night stands with prostitutes, viewing different pornographic videos with excessive masturbation.

How do you know that you are having or developing sexual addiction? What are the symptoms?

Read: Orgasm and Squirting, Female Ejaculation, FAQs, Facts, Differences, BENEFITS | 2021

Symptoms of Sex Addiction

People who suffer from this disorder would engage in this activity when no one is around to see them – and in most cases, hide it from their spouses, partners, and family members.

Some would even lie about their whereabouts just to engage in these activities where they won’t be found out.

But if you want to understand what the symptoms of sexual addiction look like, then you notice the following symptoms when you see them.

Excessive thoughts and fantasies

Having multiple partners

Preoccupied with sexual activities

Inability to control such behavior

Hiding to masturbate

Putting yourself into dangers because of fulfilling sexual acts

Feeling guilty after having such an act.

Avoiding social works just to satisfy and fulfill sexual urges.

Knowing that such behavior could get you hurt, but still engage in it.

Furthermore, sexual addiction is also called compulsive behavior – and it has the power to strain relationships causing infidelity between couples.

Some couples who have been caught with infidelity have claimed sexual addiction to be the main reason.

But this shouldn't be mixed up with sexually active people. Some people who are sexual addicts may not be regarded as sexually active people, because they might engage in sexual activities and won't last more than 5mins.

Sexual Fetishes (paraphilias)

A sexual fetish is a sexual fixation on a non-living object or non-genital body part. It is involved with an arousing stimulus that has nothing to do with anything concerning different parts of the body.

It is not necessarily something that has to do with the physical body, but things that make you get attracted such as hair, shoes, etc.

People involved with sexual fetish must have something in hand that arouses them before they can become sexually active to engage in sex with their partner. It is essential for them to have it to get an erection or have an orgasm.

Causes of Sexual Fetishes

Although there is no single mechanism that causes sexual addiction, biological, psychological, and social variables all have a role in the development of these illnesses.

The intoxication associated with sexual addiction, for example, is the result of compulsion-induced alterations in certain locations and chemicals in the brain.

In terms of gender-based patterns of sexual addiction, research varies. Males who are shy and well-educated, for example, are more likely to acquire an Internet addiction, including sexual Internet addiction, according to some studies.

Other research has found that middle-aged women who use home computers are more likely to develop an Internet sexual addiction.

Although there hasn't been any cause related to sexual fetish, there are claims that sexual fetish becomes known during puberty.

Also, other things that have been known to contribute to the causes are sexual imprinting {ability to recognize sexually desirable features and activities during childhood}

Furthermore, neurological differences also play a role in some cases. It has been observed that the region that processes sensory input from the feet lies immediately next to the region processing genital stimuli.

Read: Why Is Intimacy and Sex Necessary in a Relationship or Marriage?

Specific Sexual fetishes and Healthy Sex

The following are some of the common types of sexual fetishes being practiced by people. Some of these fetishes are to be talked about with your partner before engaging in them.

Let's get in and learn more about the types of fetishes practiced during sex activities.

Spanking

This is a mild slap on the bum during intercourse. For most people, it arouses the sexual feeling and makes them want to explore more into trying out other kinds of stuff. Other things related to spanking are; flogging, paddling.

Role Playing

Truth be told – this is exciting and funny. This is the activity you engage in dressed up as your favorite character and have sex with your partner. This is an amazing thing to try out with your partner.

Foot fetish

This is kind of awkward though – but it is the desire to massage the feet and kiss them while touching them. This is very common with people today as it is a potentially exciting thing to try out.

Anal Sex

While it isn’t safe to go along with anal sex, it is quite an exciting tryout method if you practice safe methods by either using a condom or applying enough lubrication before penetration.

While there are other types of sexual fetishes being done out there, these are some of the most common and popular fetishes that people engage in.

Sex is meant to be enjoyed as it is a healthy activity and enjoying it is normal.

So, when someone is sexually active with his/her partner, it does not mean that such a person is a sex addict.

All that is left is to understand the differences between these two.

But, can this act be controlled? Is there a way to prevent it? Let's look into the best way in preventing addiction before it gets to an uncontrollable act.

Treatment of Sexual Addiction

Psychotherapy is the first recommended treatment for sexual addiction – because it is associated with depression.

It is found out that one of the causes of sexual addiction is depression.

So, during this therapy – a person suffering from depression speaks with a trained and licensed mental health care professional who helps him with identifying the factors that may be causing their depression.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is frequently used by therapists to help people with sex addiction identify their particular triggers for sexually destructive (acting out) behaviors, reevaluate thinking distortions that contribute to those behaviors, and ultimately regulate those behaviors.

Psychodynamic psychotherapy is also used by some mental health experts to treat sexual addiction.

This treatment strategy focuses on the addict's core internal emotional developmental issues, which contribute to the development of hypersexual disorder.

The majority of the depression being suffered by people today is as a result of chemical imbalances in the brain – making it important to take good care of your psychological aspect.

When a person goes through sexual addiction, he/she is prone to having multiple affairs, engaging in one-night stands with prostitutes, viewing different pornographic videos with excessive masturbation.

SSRIs are generally well tolerated, and side effects are usually minor.

Nausea, diarrhea, agitation, sleeplessness, and headache are the most prevalent side effects.

These adverse effects, on the other hand, usually go away within the first month of using an SSRI.

Sexual side effects include diminished sexual desire (libido), delayed orgasm, or inability to have an orgasm in certain people. SSRIs can cause tremors in certain people.

The so-called serotonergic (serotonin-related) syndrome is a significant neurologic disorder linked to the use of SSRIs. Serotonergic syndrome is characterized by high fevers, convulsions, and cardiac rhythm abnormalities.

This illness is extremely uncommon and only occurs in a few people.

How do you know that you are having or developing sexual addiction? What are the symptoms?

What criteria do doctors use to evaluate and diagnose sexual addiction?

There is no single test that can definitively determine whether or not someone has a sexual addiction, as there is with practically any mental health diagnosis. As a result, health care providers identify these conditions by obtaining a wide range of medical, family, and mental health data.

A physical examination will be performed by the psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, psychiatric nurse, physician's assistant, or trained counselor, or one will be requested from the individual's primary care physician.

Typically, the medical examination will include lab testing to assess the person's overall health and to determine whether or not the person has a medical condition that could affect mental health.

When asking about mental health symptoms, mental health professionals are often looking to see if the person has sexual obsessions or compulsions,

as well as depression or manic symptoms, anxiety, alcoholism or other substance abuse, hallucinations or delusions, and some personality and behavioral disorders that may include excessive sexual activity as a symptom.

As a screening tool for sexual addiction, practitioners may give the people they evaluate a quiz or self-test.

Health care experts will strive to identify sexual addictions from medical illnesses that may include hypersexual symptoms in order to establish a sexual addiction diagnosis.

Seizures, tumors, dementia, and Huntington's disease are examples of such illnesses, which might include lesions to specific parts of the brain, such as the frontal or temporal lobes, and hence alter behavior. Sexual Addiction Definition.

Also Read; How to Improve Your Sex Life: 7 Tips for Couples | Video

Solas and Relationships (AKA: Why He Wouldn’t Have Sex With Spirits, And Who He Would Have Sex With)

So I’ve been getting a lot of asks about Solas having sex with spirits, and if he’s ever done it. A lot of people assume that it’s canon that he has had sexual relations with spirits because of this in-game banter (this is gonna be a ridiculously long post so buckle up):

Many people understandably take his lack of a straightforward answer as an admission, which I don’t entirely disagree with but, like Solas says, I do not think it’s so simple. Since this is a rp blog, a lot of the following will be my own personal headcanons for him, which may divert from canon, but I do have reasons for everything I believe about him and I will make a case for them.

Firstly, I do not think Solas has ever had a sexual or romantic relationship with a spirit ever at any point. I feel particularly strongly about this as I would argue spirits cannot give true consent, and as I feel that Solas is a very consent-centric character, he would respect this. Spirits are often single minded, they care about the trait that they reflect and embody and little more beyond that (think of the spirit of Command you run into in Old Crestwood). Spirits lack true and total autonomy, as they are willed by dreamers and the waking world to reflect back whatever they are given. Solas never debates this, what he does say about this is in response to the Herald saying “Spirits are bound by their nature. You said it yourself. They’re shaped by contact with real people.” To which he replies “Just as Leliana was shaped by contact with Divine Justinia, as those who serve the Inquisition are shaped by you. If I change your mind in this conversation, does that mean you’re no more real than a spirit?”

A good argument, and I agree with him, but the fact remains that spirits are so much bound to their nature that it affects their ability to act with 100% autonomy and free will, and thus it affects their ability to consent in either a romantic or sexual relationship. Of course even so, I agree with Solas that spirits are people too, even bound as they are to their nature. The ability to consent does not a person make.

Consent matters, as I’m sure we can all agree, even in nonsexual, romantic relationships. So, why do I say that I still think the above banter is some kind of admission? My personal headcanon is that he once fell in love with a Spirit of Purpose. Nothing ever came of it, because he never expressed it, because of the above rationale. But this would explain why spirits and relationships are such a complicated matter, as Solas claims they are (why a spirit of Purpose? Idk, just sounds good).

Now, who would he have sex with? Would he have sex at all? How does he identify in terms of sexual orientation?

Let me start off by saying that I headcanon him as bisexual (or perhaps biromantic/demiromantic). I know what you’re thinking “but it’s canon that he’s not!” Yes. True, but consider the following: Not only will I always jump at the chance to create more LGBTQA+ representation whenever possible, but I disagree with Bioware’s reason for not making him bisexual in the first place. Which they claim was in order to avoid making their “Villain” part of the LGBTQA+ community. Which, while understandable, I feel is misguided at best. As someone who identifies as both pansexual and transgender, I could write an essay over why I feel Bioware dropped the ball on this, but that would take too long and if you want to discuss that with me, let’s do it somewhere else, for the sake of not making this post any longer than it has to be. Suffice it to say, I feel Bioware made the wrong choice when they decided not to make Solas bisexual. With this is mind, my personal interpretation of his character is that he is bisexual. If you are of the mind that this is heterosexual erasure, and just as offensive as the notion of making Sera or Dorian straight, then kindly never speak to me because quite frankly I cannot believe we are still debating this, as a fandom.

Anyway…  

I also appreciate headcanons that he is asexual biromatic. He does not have a sex scene in canon, and for the most part it is thought that it was intentionally left vague so that we can imagine whatever we’d like. Thus I choose to believe that while he is interested in sex (perhaps very interested) it is highly unlikely to happen during the Inquisition timeline since he’s very concerned about his idea of consensual sex. There’s dialogue in Trespasser that goes as follows:  

Solas: What is the old Dalish curse? May the Dread Wolf Take you ..

Lavellan: And so he did…

Solas: I did not, I would not lay with you under false pretenses.

Of course, we can argue, as Lavellan does, that this rationale is complete and utter bullshit. One does not need to have sex to be taken, so to speak. It is not more right to pursue a deeply intimately romantic relationship under false pretenses than it is a sexual one. It is not worse, but it’s not right.

He very well could be asexual, or maybe grey-asexual and biromantic/demiromantic. There are a of different ways we could label him, I don’t wanna get too caught up in that. But inline with my personal interpretation, he either doesn’t have sex with Lavellan or it’s highly unlikely that he would, but that does not necessarily mean he isn’t interested.

Now we gotta talk about race gates.

Solas is racist and prejudice. There’s no getting around that. He’s prejudice toward Humans, and toward even other Elves, and bizarrely racist against Qunari and Dwarves.  He calls Qunari savage beasts, kept in check only by the rigor of the Qun. He accuses Dwarves of being too practical, too logical, perhaps even unfeeling or uncreative in their disconnection from the Fade and magic. He calls Humans shortsighted, brutish, blind to beauty and trapped in a duality of black and white, with no room for grey areas. And of course he thinks the Dalish are narrow minded, and proud to the point of arrogance.  There is dialogue on each of these during the Balcony Scenes with the various races, and to every race except the Elves, when you try to argue that Solas is wrong in his preconception of the people, he simply says something to the effect of “No. I am not.” but for and Elven inquisitor, if you argue that what he thought of the Dalish was wrong, he only says “That is it then, I suppose it must be.” He concedes that he may have been wrong.

Given his unwillingness to believe that any besides an Elf is capable of change from what he perceives in his racial stereotypes, and simply the intensity of his racism and prejudice, I would argue it highly unlikely, that Solas would ever be in a relationship with anyone that was not Elvhen. In particular, a human. I think his biggest problem, racially and culturally is with the Qun, but a tal vashoth who hated the Qun would likely have a better chance at getting with Solas than any human. And my reasoning for that is simple: Humans are the majority oppressors of Elves in current-day Thedas. Tevinter enslaves them, Orlais and Ferelden keep them as servants, and force them in alienage slums or to be nomadic and out of touch. Humans ordered the exalted march, and refused to allow Elves even the promised land Andraste gave to them. And while Solas claims not to see modern day Elves as his people (though he seems fickle about this and does call them his people, when it suits his conversation) he certainly shows empathy to their plight and blatant disapproval of how Humans treat them. We all know if there’s one thing Solas hates more than anything else, it’s slavery, and I think you would be hard pressed to get around his feelings toward Humans all being the same brutish oppressors.

If he did have sex or a romantic relationship it would be with a female, male, or nonbinary Elf, and I do not think it would particularly matter if they were a City Elf or Dalish. He has his prejudices against both groups, and just so happens to be more vocals about it with the Dalish.

Now for something a bit more personal to me: the topic of transgender Elves. How would Solas feel about a trans elf? Would knowing someone is trans effect his willingness to be in a romantic or sexual relationship?

The short answers are: He doesn’t really care what someone identifies as, and no, respectively. This is not a new concept. While he may be a cis man himself (or he may not be, quite frankly we do not, and cannot know) he is no stranger to  nonbinary or transgender people. This is because being nonbinary or transgender is not a modern phenomenon. Surely they existed numerously enough in his time, and he has been alive long enough (and has had enough sex via my own headcanons) that he is most definitely both familiar and unperturbed by trans or nonbinary people. I believe despite his enormous racism, that prejudice does not carry to gender or sexual orientation. He would therefore always use whatever pronouns were asked of him, and speak with his usual amount of grace and sensitivity and delicacy about his partner’s gender. And I like to imagine, if it became sexual, he would be very doting about making sure they were comfortable with whatever he was doing.

As I stated at the beginning of this post, these are entirely my headcanons and personal interpretations of his character. You may feel free to disagree, but do not be rude about it. If you’d like to discuss or dispute anything I’ve said here, I would encourage you to come to my askbox and do so politely, off anon, so that we may converse privately and I will not have to flood everyone’s dash with discourse. Thanks for reading, and sorry this was so long.

Soma and Agni with the character numbers!! Please and thank you!!

Thank you so much for asking, my friend! ^_^ (I was waiting for this question XD)

1: sexuality headcanon

Demisexual, bothof them (means – asexual towards everyone except each other). I cannot evenimagine Agni interested in anyone else except Soma. The same for the latter.(In one of OVAs – which I actually hate because it’s a rubbish, really – heshowed being interested in the Mary Sue character, but then immediately turned his attention back toAgni. I may mistake, but in such fillers all the characters are supposed to beridiculous, so their most recognizable trait is hyperbolized till the absurd.So, Soma and Agni’s affection towards each other is their most recognizabletrait, it’s canon.)

2: otp

SomAgni, one andonly.

3: brotp

Soma and Ciel,Soma and Lizzie, Soma and Joanne, actually Soma and everyone he wants (becausehe deserves more love and attention)

Agni andSebastian, Agni and servants (I actually do not know if Agni and Wolf know eachother well, but they would definitely be good friends.)

4: notp

Each one exceptSomAgni XD Just because it would look weird to me if one of them suddenly findanother person to love and care of, and the thought that this third person willstand between them just makes me sad. Moreover – each of them would be sad ifthey had to spend less time together, as for me.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

They sleep inthe same room. Like, always. Agni is afraid that someone could dare to kill hismaster at night (he’s a royal, after all) and wants to be always beside him to prevent it. Soma is just glad not to be aloneat nights and always falls asleep fast, knowing that he’s safe and cared of.Sometimes Agni tells him fairytales or sings lullabies while his master fallingasleep. And when Soma sees bad dreams, Agni holds his hand till the princecalms down.

(This is canon,yes. When Agni leaves the manor and goes to West, Soma notices it immediately – when Sebastian informsCiel about Agni’s leaving, he’s already here. How did he know if they weresupposed to sleep in different rooms?)

6: favorite line from this character

Soma: I’ll become a great man who won’t lose toanyone, and show you!

And further line(emphasized): If I’ll say it, it’llhappen!

Agni: Everybody is born with different abilitiesand purposes in life. In the context of that chapter – this is such a reassuringstatement.

7: one way in which I relate to this character

I adore them, isthere a need to add something? XD I have to admit also that they two could bean example and even ideal in many aspects. When I think about the problems withrelatives and friends – I often think “What Agni would say or do here?” When Iam about to give up something important or feel myself miserable – sometimes Soma’swords “I’ll become a great man” appear in my head and I remember that I need togo on. It is always good to refer to an ideal image of yourself in your mind,and some traits of these characters’ personalities could be included ineveryone’s ideal, I think.  

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment aboutthis character

Embarrassment - never, I am always proud of them :D Except one thing - Agni’s past. I’ve thought about it a lot, and there always was a question - how he could change so greatly. Sometimes it’shard to believe that Agni could be hanged for whatever he committed, sothis was seriously. Like “what the hell were you doing to get to this point?”And why did he so quickly turned from the supposed-to-be-evil culprit to thekindest person ever, why could he change completelythis way of thinking that he used to maintain for the almost thirty years?

He said he sawhis father “swarmed by material goods and desires” from his very childhood. Sothen he must get used to such a life, take it as normal and enjoy it – just likehis father. But – during his flashbacks in manga we don’t see any hint ofpleasure on his face. He seems disgustedby everything what’s happening. He doesn’t look like he enjoys his life –whilst his father surely does. He doesn’t believe in gods – him, a Brahmin, whois supposed to serve the gods for alife – so maybe something happened to him, something that made him disappointin this life. Because he said also that he had no affection with the world.Then – poor thing might just be offended by his life and just decided to wasteit faster.

In addition, thesedays in prison between the day of his capture and the day of his executionbroke him down and made him think his life over. Maybe there he couldunderstand finally that the way of life that he used to, is wrong and leads tonothing – literally. And then the kindness and pureness deep inside his soulcould finally show themselves. But he thought he’s doomed and didn’t noticethem – till Soma appeared. Having saved him, the prince let all the goodnessinside Agni’s soul be free. I do see it this way.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

Cinnamon roll,both of them. I actually fear about their further character development (yes,their, because it is still possible to know more about Agni as well), butanyway they’re extremely adorable during the entire manga and anime.

Swan and Sam

Swan says,I have an idea I would like to share. A while back, I provoked controversy by asking if all young 12 year old boys should be chemically ‘castrated’ until the age of 16 or 18 in order to prevent teen pregnancies. Yeah, it wasn’t popular. I didn’t expect to get much support for this suggestion, but was interested to see what peoples’ reactions would be. I got a lot of gasps and yells. It is as if we are sitting in the grandstands and viewing the eradication of male heterosexuals by a radical unfettered use of untested chemicals. just slowing the normal young males from developing properly but castrating the young boys. I know not everyone will accept it, but hey, you can’t make everyone happy. The co-dependent, psychologically sick overprotective fathers of girls and doctors will want the chemical procedure being used on boys as young as 8 years of age.   That is before boys hit puberty and all the hormones run amok. I now want to ask a more serious question along the same lines. I am not asking anyone to change my mind, but I am open to new suggestions. This is, should boys under the age of 18 who engage in sexual activities with girls who also under that age, be punished by being forced to have injections which would stop them from being able to have sex, or even from wanting to have sex, until they reach the age of 18 ? Sounds crazy, yes, but the intention is far from crazy. I believe that if enforced, this punishment could serve as a deterrent to young boys considering having sex. They would be asexual, meaning they will not want sexual intercourse. If so, it would help to stop boys having sex too soon, would discourage them from pressurising girls into sex, and could reduce teen pregnancies. I am a father, and I seen my child get pregnant, even out of choice, and suffer. I think What do you think? Do you like that idea? Why or why not? Sam says,Oh my gosh, Daddy, how horrible of an idea it is, I can’t believe you came up with that idea! I know I got pregnant out of choice, by having sex with my boyfriend, but I was willing to take the risk, and you let me, Daddy! Swan says,I made a terrible mistake. Sam asked,What do you mean? where in the world you came up with it? How is this ethical? Swan explained how he came up with the idea,Rapes are very common among young girls. And some girls get pregnant not knowing the full consequences. Sam says,So you’re punishing girls too, in a way, is that what you’re getting at? Swan says,Sexual crimes are more common in males, so I will remove their sex drives. Let’s say that I made chemical castration legal as law, and it will one day become the new norm. It doesn’t have to be far from religious, either. Forcing the churches to do it to guys like in a way they have purity ceremony for girls As the chemical castration bill gets into law, I don’t mean for it to be completely harmful. It’s for the good of humanity. Overprective fathers lose control of it to harm innocent little boys as young as 6 to prevent sexual drives. Do you really think that is okay? If course not. It is belittling, discriminating, sexist, and so on and so on and so forth. They are allowed to kill them in does if they harshly judge all boys are evil sex driven raptists but the overprective fathers claim me as some type of religious leader,the numbers of male boys drop in large numbers. You may notice this as some allusion of a story you read in high school, but may not remember it’s exact name. Forcing girls to give consent to their fathers and having nobody to love It’s a terrifying allusion to the Salem witch trials Killing innocent people for what they didn’t do. I was thinking if I could make my own quote “Salem witch trial,” what would it be? And whoa, an instant light bulb! Sam says,Killing innocent people isn’t right! Swan says,Why you say that? Sam says,Thou shalt not kill. Remember the Ten Commandments? Swan says,Yes I do. But did I say I was going to actually kill people, or their sex drives? Sam says,Both! Swan says,Nah, their sex drives, but I will threaten to kill those who committed sexual crimes. Sam says,Another wrong doesn’t make a right. Swan says,I don’t know who committed sexual crimes, therefore I will 'kill’ them all. Sam protested,You would be killing them off too young, Daddy. sexual development begins in most boys from the age of 13/14. Not 6, 8, or 11!! This is a perfectly NATURAL development and we surely develop at that age for a reason. You would be developmentally dumbing them down, so to speak. So, you are taking away what is perfectly natural to a human being. These boys wouldn’t be mature, anyhow, if you take their sex drives away and they reach the supposed age of maturity. Also, what happens when a boy reaches 18 and has had no time to develop his natural feelings, does he suddenly develop these feelings when the chemical castration is taken away? Or are those feelings lost forever. Sex is met solely for creating a new human being. Also, by doing this you are making the boy think that there is something wrong with developing sexual feelings- it is not dirty and it is not wrong, it is, as I’ve repeated, natural! Don’t make them feel like something’s wrong with them when there isn’t! This is treating a human lke a lab rat. It’s not humane treatment. So, by going along the lines of your little masterplan, then why shouldn’t girls be “chemically castrated” as well up until the age of 18? Stop being a discriminating sexist. Girls are also developing sexual feelings from a similar age (as boys). Girls can commit sexual crimes, too, though a little less heard of. This seems a little sexist no? It’s sexist because you’re basically saying all guys with sex drives are rapists. Could this not create a situation where girls, under the age of 18, will start wanting to have sex with boys over the age of 18 because that’s all that’s possible/available? I would certainly hate that! I can begin to go into the problems of having only one gender develop natuarally and the other having their natural development taken away. Like how is that right? Swan says,Guys won’t rape girls. Sam growled with anger,You think that is the only way to teach purity? The purity rings ceremony works as well but I had enough to see you want to destroy every young boys life and letting crazed fathers do whatever they want. You are punishing boys for being sexually active. punishing young boys as 8 by using chemical castration and making them think that sex was a bad thing would make them have unhealthy views towards sex as adults, and they will be asexual. Swan says,I may be a little selfish in the matter. Natural urges should be suppressed because of some traditionalist religious taboo I strongly follow. What do you think? Sam says,Wait a minute, you are a guy, but you want to suppress natural urges in guys. Swan says,That’s right. I was also picked on for not being as masculine as some of the boys. My parents always allowed me to exhibit any feminine like traits and encouraged me to grow out my hair and let it grow ever Since I was born. I never cut it even once. It shows that when I was young with long hair, I was an extreme feminine-like guy. I had girls as friends not Boys. I never ever had guy friends in every grade. I guess I just wasn’t masculine enough. I felt like I kinda relate more to girls because I had Feminine like feelings and mind in me. I am very sensitive about my body and really hate body and facial hair. I am comfortable the way I am, not going to change a thing. I always shaved my leg hairs and everything like a girl does. I think I’m 40 percent feminine and 100 percent male Creating a very extreme feminine emotional gentle caring guy That’s the way I was raised to have genuine respect and sympathy for girls than guys. I guess that’s what makes me so unique and different. I Embraced my feminine side when I was very young and expect to be different than everyone else expects me to be like manly. My Femininity is often described as soft, graceful, elegant, and clean. It made me a good person. I behave in ways that are considered feminine in nature. You do things that you have to be giving and unselfish in order to do. This includes recognizing people’s basic human rights and allowing them to operate their life without interfering with those rights. For example, allowing them the freedom to operate independently, and the freedom to fit into society wherever and however they want, even the freedom to let people choose when to face up to reality and when to be in denial. Allowing people their basic rights includes letting them control their own life, letting them choose what to believe without being manipulated by you, and letting them choose their own path or direction in life without hindrance from you. The feminine side also includes having an enthusiasm and zest for life, and recognizing what things are worth getting enthusiastic about. And it includes having the persistence and tenacity to stay with something until it is finished, while still knowing when to give up on it if your energy is better used elsewhere. In addition, the feminine side also includes being kind, compassionate, patient, responsive to the needs of others, and it includes the ability to limit the amount of energy you put into helping people, to keep from hurting yourself or draining your own energy. The stronger the feminine side I have, the more giving i am are sexually. I think it also makes me more mature and smart. Also, the stronger the feminine side, the greater is my capacity to really enjoy sex when the circumstances are right. Yes, that’s right. This is why selfish people generally don’t enjoy sex very much. They’re not gentle or selfless. Why does society insist that boys should be more rough and tough than girls? I support suppressing sex drives in young males wholeheartedly. We would have less violence and crime in the world if boys were raised to be more gentle and caring “Feminine” Men like me. How selfless is that? women would then view each other more as equal and there would be less sexual tension and fewer sex crimes. This is for the good of society, you see. Sam says,I understand now. Swan says,I’m glad you do. I remember when I first went out with your mom, I was gentle and kind as can be. I treated her like a princess I even called her princess she literally treated me like her bitch! She wouldn’t return kindness. I thought she’d see how nice I am to her and she’ll be nice,man was I ever so wrong! I loved her, but as nicer I was to her the more arrogant and meaner she was to me! I hated that. after we got married and had you, I think I may have snapped. I just couldn’t take her shit anymore when she hurt you and me. I started to hate her. We were constantly abused by her. Those days were horrible. Remember that? I think I may have been too nice to her. I promised myself never give too much respect to any girl! Women like her I think they don’t think you’re nice they’d think your a ditch and they abuse you and never get serious with you. That’s why I divorced her. Sam says,I know, Daddy, she was horrible, wasn’t she? How about remove her sex drive, eh? Sam says,Oh, so I wouldn’t be born if you did earlier on, eh? Swan says,Yeah, so, do you agree with me? Sam says,Not in the least. Swan says,But it’s a good idea! Sam screamed in anger,No it’s not! Well, i reckon it would lead to a lot of sexual problems for them later in life, regarding erections and the associations of sex being a bad thing and making them feel bad for being horny. How would you feel if someone did that to you? Don’t forget that wanting sex is a natural instinct. Humans will go extinct if you keep doing that to the whole world! I do wish there weren’t as many teen pregnancies, but it would be extremely wrong to enforce this on young boys but you seem really want this to happen in the real world. Do you see what I’m getting at? So chemically castrate all young boys because they’re underage and not giving them their sex drives forever? No, no, no kids don’t have sex drives, teens more likely, and adults definitely. Save it for those who committed sexual crimes, those who don’t want kids, those with already active sex drives abusing the privilege. Swan says, I agree, I agree