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imthebadguyyy · 2 days

Text

loml

pairing : james potter x reader

fandom : marauders

series : the tortured poets department

synopsis : james is the love and loss of your life.

a/n : hope you enjoy!!

who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames?...

seventh year

The Great Hall was buzzing with the usual lunchtime chatter. Students from all four houses mingled, their laughter and conversation filling the vast space. Plates clattered, and goblets clinked, but you barely noticed. Your eyes were fixed on a spot in the middle of the table, your thoughts miles away.

You could still remember the first time James had pulled you out into the rain.

fifth year

It had been a warm spring evening, the sky darkening with ominous clouds. You were supposed to be studying for a Potions exam, but James had other plans. With that mischievous glint in his hazel eyes, he had taken your hand and led you outside.

"What are we doing, James?" you had asked, half-laughing, half-exasperated.

"Dancing," he had replied simply, and with a dramatic bow, he had pulled you into a waltz right there on the soggy grass. The rain had poured down, drenching you both, but you hadn’t cared. You had twirled and laughed, your wet hair plastered to your face, his glasses fogging up. It had been pure, unfiltered joy.

“Y/N? Hey, Y/N!” Marlene’s voice snapped you out of your reverie. You blinked and looked around, suddenly aware of your surroundings again. The Great Hall, the noise, the chatter – it all came rushing back.

“Huh? What?” you said, shaking your head slightly as if to clear it.

“You were miles away,” Marlene said, her brow furrowed in concern. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, just…thinking,” you replied, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

Marlene studied you for a moment, then glanced over her shoulder. “Thinking about James?” she asked quietly.

You didn’t respond, but your silence spoke volumes. Marlene sighed and scooted closer to you, lowering her voice. “Y/N, you know it’s okay to still have feelings for him, right?”

“I don’t…” you started, but Marlene cut you off with a knowing look.

“Don’t lie to me. I’ve seen the way you look at him. And I saw how he looked at you when he walked in just now.”

Your heart skipped a beat, and you couldn’t help but glance over to where the Marauders were sitting. James was laughing at something Sirius had said, his head thrown back in pure amusement. For a moment, your heart ached with the memory of his laughter mingling with the sound of rain.

“Whose gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames?” Marlene said softly, echoing the words you had once whispered to her in confidence.

You swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in your throat. “It’s not that simple, Marlene. Things are different now.”

“Different how? You’re both still the same people. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you – like he’s lost without you.”

You shook your head. “We’ve both moved on. He’s with Lily now.”

“Are you sure about that?” Marlene asked gently. “Because from where I’m sitting, it looks like he’s just as lost as you are.”

You looked at James again, your heart aching. Could it be true? Could there still be a chance for the two of you? The memory of dancing in the rain was still vivid, a symbol of the love you had once shared. Maybe Marlene was right. Maybe it wasn’t too late to find your way back to each other.

Marlene squeezed your hand, giving you a small, encouraging smile. “Talk to him, Y/N. You owe it to yourself to find out.”

You nodded slowly, determination building within you. It was time to stop daydreaming and start living. Maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance to dance with James in the rain once more.

if you know it in one glance, it's legendary...

first year

James Potter stood on Platform 9 ¾, his eyes scanning the bustling crowd of students and parents. It was his first year at Hogwarts, and excitement coursed through his veins. He had already met Sirius Black, a boy with an equally mischievous glint in his eye, and they had quickly become fast friends. But as he looked around, his attention was suddenly captured by a girl standing a few feet away, saying goodbye to her parents.

She had an air of quiet confidence, her hair catching the sunlight in a way that made it seem to glow. She laughed at something her mother said, the sound clear and bright amidst the chaos of the platform. James couldn’t look away.

“If you know it in one glance, it’s legendary,” his father had once told him, speaking of love and destiny. James had scoffed at the time, but now he wondered if his father had been right. He didn’t even know her name, but he felt a pull towards her, something deep and inexplicable.

He was still staring when Sirius elbowed him in the ribs. “Oi, James, what’s got you so spellbound?”

James blinked, tearing his gaze away from the girl. “Nothing, just…looking around.”

Sirius followed his line of sight and smirked. “Ah, I see. Got your eye on someone already, eh?”

James felt his cheeks heat up. “Shut up, Sirius.”

The whistle of the train interrupted their banter, and students began boarding. James watched as the girl hugged her parents one last time before picking up her trunk and heading towards the train. On an impulse, he moved closer, wanting to catch her name.

“Do you need help with that?” he asked, stepping up and offering a hand.

She looked up at him, her eyes meeting his, and for a moment, James felt the world narrow down to just the two of them. “Thanks,” she said with a smile that made his heart race. “I’m Y/N.”

“James,” he replied, struggling to keep his voice steady. “James Potter.”

“Nice to meet you, James Potter,” she said, her smile widening. And just like that, she was gone, disappearing into the crowd of students boarding the train.

James stood there for a moment, staring after her, before Sirius dragged him onto the train.

Years later, James sat in the Gryffindor common room, the fire crackling softly in the hearth. Lily Evans sat beside him, her head resting on his shoulder as they talked quietly. He loved Lily – he knew that. She was brilliant, brave, and kind, everything he admired in a person. But sometimes, he found his thoughts drifting back to that moment on the platform, to the girl with the glowing hair and the infectious laugh.

“If you know it in one glance, it’s legendary,” his father’s words echoed in his mind, and he felt a pang of doubt.

“What’s on your mind, James?” Lily asked, sensing his distraction.

He looked at her, guilt washing over him. “Just thinking about old times,” he said, forcing a smile.

Lily reached up to touch his face gently. “You’re always thinking, aren’t you?”

James chuckled softly. “Yeah, I suppose I am.”

As Lily continued to talk, James tried to push the memories away. He had chosen Lily, and he loved her. But deep down, he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a part of him that would always be tied to that moment on the platform, to Y/N, and the way she had made him feel with just one glance.

in your suit and tie, in the nick of time...

Fifth Year

The Great Hall was buzzing with the usual Friday evening chatter, but tonight, there was a different kind of excitement in the air. James Potter, notorious for his messy hair and casual demeanor, stood nervously by the Gryffindor common room entrance, dressed in a sharp suit and tie. His friends, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, were nearby, watching with amusement as James fidgeted with his cuffs.

"You look great, Prongs," Remus said with a reassuring smile. "Relax, she's going to love it."

James adjusted his tie one more time and took a deep breath. "Thanks, Moony. I just want everything to be perfect."

Sirius grinned, nudging James playfully. "Don't worry, mate. Just remember to breathe and don't trip over your own feet."

James shot him a look but couldn't suppress a smile. "Thanks, Padfoot."

Just then, the common room door swung open, and you stepped out. James's breath hitched as he saw you in a beautiful dress, your eyes lighting up when you saw him.

"Hi, James," you said softly, blushing.

"Hi," he replied, equally bashful. "You look... amazing."

"So do you," you responded, your eyes sparkling with excitement.

James offered you his arm, and together you walked out of the castle, heading to a secret spot he had found—a cozy clearing in the Forbidden Forest, magically lit with floating lanterns and enchanted music. It was the perfect place for a dance.

As you both swayed to the music, James couldn't take his eyes off you. You giggled when he spun you around, and your laughter was infectious. You were both so wrapped up in the moment that you didn't notice Remus sneaking up with a Polaroid camera.

"Smile!" Remus called out, snapping a picture just as you and James looked over, caught mid-laugh, your faces glowing with happiness.

Sirius's voice rang out from behind, "Look at the lovebirds! Don’t get too carried away, Prongs."

James rolled his eyes but couldn't wipe the grin off his face. "Shut it, Padfoot."

You and James shared a knowing look, the teasing only adding to the magic of the evening.

Seventh Year

James Potter sat on his bed in the seventh-year boys' dormitory, the chaos of the day swirling around him. His eyes were fixed on a worn Polaroid photo he held gently in his hands. It was the picture Remus had taken that night two years ago, the night of your first dance.

In the photo, you and James were laughing, so clearly in love that it was almost tangible. James traced your smiling face with his thumb, a soft smile playing on his lips.

"Still staring at that old thing?" Sirius's voice broke through his reverie.

James looked up to see Sirius leaning against the doorframe, a knowing smirk on his face. "Yeah," James admitted, "I can't help it. That was one of the best nights of my life."

Sirius walked over and sat next to him, peering at the photo. "You two were adorable."

James nodded, his thoughts momentarily lost in the memory.

Sirius glanced at him, a more serious look in his eyes. "James, are you sure you didn't make a mistake?"

James looked up sharply, his brow furrowing. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you and her were great together," Sirius said softly. "You loved her."

James sighed, his eyes drifting back to the photo. "I know, Sirius. But things changed. We grew apart. And now... now I'm with Lily."

Sirius leaned back, considering his friend's words. "Do you love Lily?"

James hesitated, his gaze fixed on the Polaroid. "Yeah, I do. It's just... it's different."

"Different how?" Sirius pressed gently.

James struggled to find the right words. "With her, it was easy. Natural. With Lily, it's... more complicated. But that doesn't mean it's not real."

Sirius nodded slowly. "Alright, then. As long as you're sure."

James slipped the photo into his pocket, standing up. "I am. I think."

Sirius clapped James on the shoulder. "Just make sure to keep making new memories, mate. Don't get stuck in the past."

James nodded, feeling a mix of nostalgia and uncertainty. He knew his past with you would always be a part of him, but he was determined to give his relationship with Lily his all. As he headed out to find Lily, he couldn't shake the lingering doubt, but he resolved to move forward, hoping to create even more unforgettable moments.

you said I'm the love of your life...

sixth year

The stars twinkled brightly above as you and James lay on a blanket in the Astronomy Tower, the cool night air filled with the scent of blooming flowers from the grounds below. It was a perfect night, far away from the chaos of school and the looming threat of exams. You had a small box of chocolate-covered strawberries between you, a treat James had managed to sneak past the house-elves.

James looked over at you, his eyes reflecting the starlight. "This is perfect," he murmured, a soft smile playing on his lips.

You picked up a strawberry, the chocolate glistening in the moonlight, and gently held it to his lips. He took a bite, closing his eyes in delight. "Delicious," he said, his voice filled with contentment.

You giggled, feeding him another piece. "I'm glad you like it."

As you continued to feed him the sweet treats, James reached out and took your hand, his fingers intertwining with yours. "You know," he began softly, "I've been thinking a lot lately."

You raised an eyebrow, curious. "Oh? About what?"

James's gaze was intense, filled with a mixture of nervousness and determination. "About you. About us."

Your heart skipped a beat. "What about us?"

He took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving yours. "You mean everything to me. More than Quidditch, more than anything else at Hogwarts. I... I love you."

Your breath caught in your throat as you stared at him, his words hanging in the air like a sweet melody. "James..."

He squeezed your hand, his voice steady and sincere. "You’re the love of my life. I can’t imagine a future without you in it."

Tears welled up in your eyes, but they were tears of happiness. "I love you too, James. So much."

He pulled you closer, his arms wrapping around you as you both lay there, the stars above and the world below seeming to fade away. In that moment, nothing else mattered but the two of you and the love you shared.

As you fed him another strawberry, your heart swelled with joy and contentment. James Potter, with his messy hair and mischievous grin, had captured your heart completely, and you knew without a doubt that you were his, just as much as he was yours.

seventh year

The halls of Hogwarts were quieter than usual as you made your way to the Gryffindor common room. It had been a long day, and you were looking forward to relaxing by the fire. As you approached the entrance, you noticed the door slightly ajar and heard voices inside.

Curiosity piqued, you peeked through the crack and saw James and Lily standing by the fireplace. Your heart clenched. You and James had broken up a few months ago, and though you were trying to move on, it was still hard seeing him.

James's voice was soft, almost tender. "Lily, there's something I need to tell you."

Lily looked up at him, her green eyes curious and a bit nervous. "What is it, James?"

He took a deep breath, his usual confidence replaced by a vulnerability you rarely saw. "I've liked you for a long time, but it's more than that now. I love you, Lily. I think I always have."

Your breath caught in your throat, and you took an involuntary step back. The pain was sharp and immediate, like a dagger to the heart. You knew things had changed between you and James, but hearing him say those words to someone else was harder than you had imagined.

Lily looked stunned, her cheeks flushing a delicate pink. "James, I... I don't know what to say."

He reached out, gently taking her hand in his. "You don't have to say anything right now. I just needed you to know."

Unable to bear any more, you turned and walked away, your footsteps echoing in the empty hallway. Each step felt heavier than the last, the weight of his words pressing down on you.

Reaching an empty classroom, you slipped inside and leaned against the wall, struggling to hold back tears. The memories of your time with James flooded your mind—your first dance, the laughter, the love you once shared.

It was over now. He had moved on, and you knew you had to do the same. But in that moment, the pain was raw and real, and you allowed yourself to feel it, if only for a little while.

mr steal your girl, and make her cry..

The Gryffindor common room was buzzing with excitement. James and Lily had called everyone together for an announcement, and the atmosphere was charged with anticipation. You stood near the back, feeling a mixture of curiosity and unease. You had your suspicions about what the announcement might be, but you tried to push those thoughts aside.

James and Lily stood by the fireplace, hands intertwined, both beaming with happiness. James cleared his throat, and the room fell silent.

"We have some exciting news to share," James began, his eyes shining as he looked at Lily. "Lily and I are getting engaged!"

The room erupted into cheers and applause. You forced a smile, clapping along with everyone else. You made your way through the crowd to offer your congratulations.

"Congratulations, James. Lily. I'm really happy for you both," you said, your voice steady despite the ache in your chest.

James smiled warmly at you. "Thanks. It means a lot."

Lily hugged you, her happiness radiating from her. "Thank you. We're so excited."

You nodded, the smile still fixed on your face. "You both deserve all the happiness in the world."

After a few more words, you excused yourself, claiming you needed some fresh air. You slipped out of the common room and wandered the halls, your heart growing heavier with each step. You found yourself outside an empty classroom and ducked inside, your composure finally breaking.

A few moments later, the door creaked open, and Remus and Sirius walked in. They had seen you leave and had followed, concern etched on their faces.

"Hey," Remus said gently, his voice full of empathy. "Are you okay?"

The tears you had been holding back began to flow, and you shook your head. "No, I'm not."

Sirius moved closer, his usual playful demeanor replaced with genuine concern. "Come here," he said softly, pulling you into a hug.

You collapsed into their arms, sobbing uncontrollably. The weight of everything—your broken relationship with James, seeing him so happy with Lily, and the future you had once imagined now completely out of reach—came crashing down on you.

Remus held you tightly, his voice soothing. "It's okay to feel this way. Let it out."

Sirius rested his chin on your head, whispering softly, "I'm sorry, love. Sometimes it feels like life's just Mr. Steal-Your-Girl-And-Make-Her-Cry."

Despite the tears, you let out a small, bitter laugh at Sirius's words. They stayed with you, offering comfort and support as you slowly began to gather yourself.

"It's going to be okay," Remus said, his voice steady. "We're here for you. Always."

You nodded, grateful for their friendship and support. Though the pain was still there, you knew you weren't alone. With Remus and Sirius by your side, you felt a glimmer of hope that you would find the strength to move forward.

you shit talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles..

Sixth Year

The Great Hall was transformed for the Halloween feast, filled with floating pumpkins, flickering candles, and enchanted bats swooping around the ceiling. The atmosphere was lively, with students chatting and laughing as they enjoyed the festivities. You and James sat side by side at the Gryffindor table, the warmth of his presence making the evening even more special.

Under the table, your hands were intertwined, a secret connection amidst the public celebration. James squeezed your hand gently, drawing your attention away from the decorations and back to him. He had that familiar mischievous twinkle in his eyes, but there was something deeper, more serious, behind it tonight.

As you reached for a goblet of pumpkin juice, James deftly took your other hand and slipped the ring from your middle finger. Your heart skipped a beat as he held your gaze, his touch sending shivers down your spine. He carefully placed the ring on your ring finger, his movements slow and deliberate.

"James?" you whispered, a mixture of curiosity and excitement in your voice.

He lifted your hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly, his eyes never leaving yours. "I can't wait to marry you and have a family with you," he said softly, his voice filled with sincerity and love.

Your breath caught in your throat, tears of joy welling up in your eyes. "James, I..."

He smiled, his expression tender. "I know we're still young, but I can't imagine my life without you. You're everything to me."

You felt a rush of emotions—love, happiness, and a deep sense of connection with the boy sitting next to you. "I love you, James. More than anything."

He leaned in, brushing a soft kiss against your lips, the world around you fading away as you shared that intimate moment. The noise of the feast, the laughter of your friends, and the decorations all seemed distant compared to the warmth and love you felt for each other.

As the evening continued, you couldn't help but glance at the ring now adorning your ring finger. It was a simple gesture, but it symbolized a promise—a future filled with love, commitment, and the dreams you and James shared. Holding hands under the table, you both knew that this was just the beginning of a beautiful journey together.

years later...

The cozy cottage in Godric's Hollow was filled with the soft coos and occasional cries of a newborn. You stood at the doorstep, a mix of anticipation and nerves swirling inside you. You hadn't seen James and Lily since they announced the birth of their son, Harry, and now you were here to meet the newest member of their family.

James opened the door, a tired but proud smile on his face. "Hey," he greeted, stepping aside to let you in. "Come on in."

You smiled warmly, stepping into the house. The living room was filled with baby items—blankets, toys, and a crib in the corner. Lily sat on the couch, cradling baby Harry in her arms. She looked up and smiled when she saw you.

"Hi," you said softly, approaching them. "Congratulations. He's beautiful."

"Thank you," Lily replied, her eyes shining with joy. "Would you like to hold him?"

You nodded, your heart pounding as you carefully took Harry into your arms. He was so small, his tiny fingers grasping at the air. You felt a rush of emotions—happiness for your friends, but also a twinge of bittersweet nostalgia for the dreams you once had with James.

James watched you with a mixture of pride and something else—guilt. He shifted uncomfortably, his gaze dropping to the floor.

"He's perfect," you said softly, your voice steady despite the emotions swirling inside you.

James cleared his throat, finally meeting your eyes. "I'm really glad you came. It means a lot."

You smiled, your voice gentle. "Of course, James. I wish you all the happiness in the world."

Lily looked between the two of you, sensing the unspoken history. She smiled warmly, trying to bridge the gap. "We have something we'd like to ask you."

You looked up, curiosity piqued. "What is it?"

Lily took a deep breath, her eyes sincere. "We would be honored if you would be Harry's godmother."

The weight of her words hit you, and you felt tears welling up. "Lily, I... I'd be honored. Thank you."

At that moment, Sirius appeared in the doorway, having just arrived. He took one look at the scene and immediately understood. His eyes narrowed at James, anger flickering in his gaze. He walked over and stood by your side, his presence comforting. He gently took your hand, offering silent support.

James shifted uncomfortably, his guilt evident. "We really do want you to be part of his life. It means so much to us."

Sirius's grip on your hand tightened slightly, his voice cold as he addressed James. "You don't get to just ask her to be godmother and think it makes everything okay, James."

You squeezed Sirius's hand, a silent plea for understanding. "It's alright, Sirius. I love Lily, James, and Harry. I want to be here for them."

Sirius looked at you, his expression softening, though the tension remained. "Are you sure? You don't have to do this if it hurts too much."

You nodded, your eyes filled with determination. "I'm sure. They need me, and I need them too."

As you stood there, holding baby Harry and surrounded by your friends, you felt a mixture of pain and healing. Life had taken unexpected turns, but there was beauty in the new connections and the love that still bound you all together.

"Welcome to the family, little one," you whispered to Harry, feeling Sirius's steady hand holding yours through it all.

i can't get out of bed, cuz something counterfeits dead...

The sunlight streamed through the windows of your cozy apartment, casting warm patterns on the walls. But despite the brightness outside, the room felt dim and heavy with sorrow. You lay in bed, cocooned in blankets, your thoughts consumed by memories of happier times with James.

Remus and Sirius had grown increasingly concerned about you. They knew you hadn't been yourself lately, spending more and more time alone, lost in your own thoughts. They had tried to give you space, but they couldn't ignore the pain they saw in your eyes.

Remus knocked softly on your bedroom door, poking his head inside. "Hey, how are you feeling today?"

You mustered a weak smile, though it didn't reach your eyes. "About the same."

Sirius followed Remus into the room, his expression a mix of concern and determination. "We brought breakfast," he said, holding up a tray laden with food.

You forced yourself to sit up, feeling a pang of guilt at their worried expressions. "Thanks, guys. You really didn't have to do that."

Remus sat on the edge of your bed, his gaze gentle. "We want to help, Y/N. You're not alone in this."

You picked at your food, unable to summon much of an appetite. The weight of your heartache felt suffocating, and it seemed impossible to imagine ever feeling whole again.

Sirius reached out and took your hand, his touch warm and comforting. "We're here for you, Y/N. Whatever you need."

Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill over. "I miss him so much, Sirius. I can't stop thinking about him."

Remus squeezed your shoulder, his voice soft but determined. "It's okay to grieve, Y/N. But we don't want to see you suffer like this."

You nodded, feeling their love and concern wash over you like a lifeline in the storm. "I know. I just... I don't know how to move on."

Sirius leaned in, his voice filled with conviction. "We'll figure it out together. One step at a time."

They stayed with you, offering words of comfort and encouragement, their presence a beacon of hope in the darkness of your grief. They helped you out of bed, coaxing you to eat and drink, and gently guided you through the days ahead.

With Remus and Sirius by your side, you began to find the strength to face each new day. Their unwavering support and love became your anchor, helping you navigate the rough waters of loss and healing. And though the pain of losing James would always linger, you knew that with Remus and Sirius by your side, you would never have to face it alone.

still alive, killing time at the cemetery..

The news came like a thunderclap, shattering the fragile peace of your world. James and Lily were gone—taken from you by the dark and vengeful hand of Voldemort himself. The grief was overwhelming, suffocating, as if the weight of the loss would crush you where you stood.

You and Sirius raced to Godric's Hollow, your hearts pounding with dread as you approached the ruins of their home. The sight that greeted you was almost too much to bear. The once quaint cottage lay in ruins, smoke still rising from the wreckage.

You stumbled forward, tears blurring your vision as you searched desperately for any sign of them. And then you saw him—James, lying on the ground, his lifeless eyes staring up at the sky. Lily was upstairs, her body lying mere inches from where baby Harry was nestled in his cradle, who miraculously survived.

You fell to your knees beside James, your heart breaking into a million pieces. You wailed and sobbed, clutching his lifeless body to your chest, unable to comprehend the magnitude of your loss.

Sirius collapsed beside you, his grief mirroring your own. He reached out, pulling you into a tight embrace as you both mourned the loss of your friends, your family.

But amidst the pain and despair, a spark of determination ignited within you. You looked down at baby Harry, his eyes wide and innocent, and you made a silent vow. You would raise him, protect him, and ensure that he knew the love of his parents, even if they couldn't be there to give it themselves.

As Sirius prepared to leave for revenge on Pettigrew, you made your decision. You stood up, your eyes filled with resolve, and you looked him in the eye.

"I'll raise Harry," you said firmly, your voice steady despite the turmoil inside you. "I promised Lily and James that I would look after him, and I intend to keep that promise."

Sirius nodded, his expression one of fierce determination. "I'll do whatever it takes to bring Pettigrew to justice. And then we'll make sure Harry knows the truth about his parents."

You embraced Sirius one last time, drawing strength from each other as you faced the uncertain future ahead. Together, you would honor the memory of James and Lily, and ensure that their son grew up knowing the love and sacrifice that had defined their lives.

You made your way to lily, combing her beautiful locks out of her young, lovely face, breaking down in tears again as you enveloped her in your arms. "I won't let you down Lils" you vowed, rocking back and forth, clearing the specks of dust that had landed on her cheeks.

You went back to James, running your hand through his mop of curls one more time, a raspy sob breaking past your lips as you pressed a kiss to his forehead, tears dripping down onto his nose. "I love you and i always will" you sobbed, stroking his cheek, wishing his arms would envelop you instead of hanging limply at his sides.

You took a minute to compose yourself, picking baby Harry up and heading to the door, apparating to the apartment you shared with Sirius.

You would never let anyone take him from you.

you're the loss of my life...

The fire crackled softly in the cozy living room of Grimmauld Place, casting flickering shadows on the walls. You sat nestled in an armchair, a book in your lap, but your mind was far away, lost in memories of the past fifteen years.

Harry, now fifteen years old, had grown into a remarkable young man under your care. He was fiercely loyal, brave, and kind-hearted, qualities that reminded you so much of his parents. He often called you "mama," a term of endearment that warmed your heart every time you heard it.

You had raised Harry as your own, pouring all your love and devotion into him, determined to give him the happy childhood that had been stolen from him by Voldemort's cruelty. And in return, Harry loved you fiercely, seeing you not only as his guardian but as his closest confidante and a second mother.

But despite the love and joy Harry brought into your life, there were still moments of darkness and pain, moments when the weight of the past threatened to crush you under its unbearable burden. Tonight was one of those moments.

"I miss him, Sirius," you whispered, your voice barely above a whisper. "Every day, I feel his absence like a hole in my heart."

Sirius reached out and took your hand, his eyes filled with sympathy. "I know, Y/N. We all do. He was... he was everything to us."

Remus nodded, his expression somber. "James and Lily were the best of us. Losing them... it's a pain that never goes away."

Tears welled up in your eyes, and you struggled to compose yourself. "I still love James, Remus. I always will. He was the love of my life, the loss of my life."

Sirius's grip tightened on your hand, his own eyes shining with unshed tears. "We'll get through this together, Y/N. We'll keep Harry safe, and we'll make sure James and Lily's sacrifice wasn't in vain."

Just then, the door creaked open, and Harry stood there, his eyes wide with concern. He had heard your conversation from upstairs, and his heart ached at the pain in your voices.

"Mum? Mama?" he called softly, his voice trembling.

You turned to see him standing there, his eyes filled with tears. Without a word, he rushed forward and threw himself into your arms, clinging to you as if you were his lifeline.

You held him tight, feeling his warm tears soak into your shirt. "Oh, Harry," you whispered, your own tears flowing freely now. "We're okay, sweetheart. We're okay."

Sirius and Remus joined the embrace, forming a tight circle of love and grief. Together, you cried for the ones you had lost, but also for the strength and love that still bound you together.

In that moment, surrounded by the ones you loved most in the world, you felt a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness. You knew that as long as you had each other, you could face whatever challenges lay ahead, and that James and Lily's legacy would live on in the love you shared with Harry and with each other.

a/n : well...this broke my heart a lot. as always, comments likes reblogs feedback etc is always appreciated 🤍

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navree · 3 days

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still on this, THE THING IS the bones of this aren't even actually that bad.

bruce has done something horrendous, something objectively heinous, to his child, and to his child who has already suffered so egregiously in such a short lifespan (until they start letting dick grayson be a man in his thirties jason cannot be older than early twenties, like, college age early twenties, at max he's only barely legally allowed to drink). and he has the perfect out he could use if he wanted to deflect responsibility, it was zur, it wasn't really him, so he cannot really be faulted for what he's done. but he doesn't take it, he chooses the hard path but the right path, and takes responsibility. he acknowledges that even if he wasn't in his right mind, it was still him, a version of him anyway, that did something really, really bad to someone he's sworn to love and protect and who did not deserve anything like that. bruce taking the ownership for his shitty decisions rather than trying to find the loophole, that's good. and it can even work with jason attempting to brush it off, like i mentioned before, jason is canonically a forgiving person who does not prioritize himself, and will continuously turn the other cheek to those who hurt him if they happen to be people he loves. i can absolutely see jason trying to give bruce that out (though not with that fucking therapy speak bullshit, jason todd has never been to therapy because people with healthy coping mechanisms don't create the fucking red hood plan at the big age of sixteen).

the thing is, the thing that could have made this good but didn't because instead they decided to continue making this story shitty from start to finish, is that bruce can't take it. it's good that bruce is owning what happened and bearing the responsibility and referring to it as "what i did to you" rather than passing it off in a bid to get jason to move on. and it can work that jason would try to go "it's fine it wasn't really you" about it. but you lose any good when bruce agrees with him and just goes "yeah you're right. anyway!" what's the point of bruce taking responsibility for a horrific deed in a symbol of growth (and we know it's supposed to be about growth because he prefaces it with talking about how his kids are his family and he needs to acknowledge that to them and let them know what they mean to him) if it's immediately smoothed over? it's utterly meaningless, he might as well have just told jason that he can't be blamed and jason could have just nodded and agreed. the bones were there but then ya fucked it, it literally doesn't mean anything at all. it's the narrative equivalent of going "i have a lit stick of dynamite" only for someone to immediately pour water on it. it has no impact now and it loses any catharsis for the readers, let alone deflating that emotional beat in narrative and making everything just seem stupid. even if jason attempts forgiveness, it doesn't work if bruce accepts it. he needed to say that even if jason is trying to absolve him, he still did it, he still needs to own up to it, jason is still entitled to whatever feelings about it, and he still needs to fix it along with actively working for a redemption and acknowledging his responsibility in that regard. not just go "yeah you're right it's in the past hakuna matata never gonna blame myself for my own shortcomings ever again" and promptly move on to more bullshit.

and like, you're nerfing your own ability to write good stories in the future! for one, it's good if bruce grows from this whole debacle, and does consistently put effort for future issues into not just reminding himself he needs to acknowledge his family, but that he can't take the easy way out and he needs to own up to things even when they were done when he wasn't totally himself. for two, you could have a story where bruce doesn't just have to atone, he has to actually fix his mistake. jason's got this chip in him, bruce has acknowledged that this is something HE did and needs to take responsibility for, have him be the one to fix it! have him be the one to try and find a solution, a way to undo it or nerf it or get it out. have him work to fix this issue that he caused, have him be the one to attempt to mend it and do right by someone he did wrong.

not to mention, it can work from a narrative perspective. batman is a detective, have the search for a cure/fix/whatever be a detective story. false leads, dead ends, red herrings, clues that need to be uncovered, new twists and turns. and for another thing, it works to have bruce try to right a wrong he did to jason specifically. bruce's big failure, in his mind, his greatest unforgivable sin, is that he did not save jason. that jason needed his help and bruce failed him, bruce wasn't there. so it makes sense that, when given the opportunity to make up for that in a way, to be there when he's needed, to help him when he needs it, to essentially make it in time in a way he couldn't on the day jason died, of course he'd throw himself into it with 110%. of course he'd decide that, this time, he won't fail. jason is hurting and in need of help because of him but this time it won't end in the worst way imaginable. this time, bruce is gonna fix it. it would make for great storytelling, and good character moments for bruce AS a character.

but i never get the things i want so instead i got some decent legs to build on that were immediately hacked out from under me in the same fucking panel and the chip thing is likely gonna be solved off-page without any real introspection into bruce doing this really horrible thing to jason or growing from his fuckups or growing in his relationship with jason or jason dealing with this and the two of them actually putting in some work to come back together strong than ever and build a new, better baseline as bruce accepts accountability and jason offers forgiveness once it's earned, for once in his life. and this entire plotline will literally never be brought up again except to explain why tim has a clone-damian suit that looks ugly as shit.

#personal #dc comics #batman #jason todd #bruce wayne #ok NOW i'm done now i swear i'm done i'm done now #gonna go rewatch the episodes of MAWS with cunty slade wilson #to remind myself where my current allegiances lie #(ie with cunty slade wilson from MAWS because it's beautiful and it makes me feel better)#(which lord knows i need after this)

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bbyobbyo · 2 days

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You don’t usually wake up at the same time as Jihoon, but he definitely makes sure that you wake up with him everyday.

content: fluff, established relationship, idol!Jihoon x non-idol!reader, domesticity, spotify as a plot point lol

wc: 1.6k

note: inspired by this reddit post which i thought was 100% something jihoon would do especially now that i know he uses spotify lol. i feel like im the only one who finds it hardest to write for their bias, i get really in my head about whether or not im portraying him in the way I want to. i’ve never written idol!au either (bc i think it’s easy to overdo) which only adds to me overthinking ahhhh but hope that you guys enjoy this one !! as always feedback or comments are appreciated 🥰 I read all of them and they make me so happy hehe

Jihoon swears there's something magical about waking up to a calm and quiet morning. The sun is barely just rising, blanketing the world in a soft twilight that cuts the dark blues of the waning night. And in his bed, he finds something equally as magical: your soundly sleeping figure next to him. The world is silent except for your steady breaths, and he has to take extra caution to not fall asleep again if just to enjoy the brief moments of tranquility like this during his otherwise busy life. Eventually he gets up to start his schedule for the day, taking one last look at your peaceful slumber in fondness before he closes the door behind him.

Make no mistake, Jihoon loves his job. Having 13 members in his group is fantastic, except when you realize that 13 people requiring styling and wardrobe before every public appearance takes a lot of time. His mornings may start early, but in reality most of his time is spent listening to music in salon chairs and dozing off in waiting rooms.

In fact, it was in the middle of getting his makeup done when he discovered that around 8:20 am every day, his Spotify (which he uses to listen to his daily Bruno Mars Mix playlist) stops playing on his phone and switches to… the speaker at home? He bought a new speaker a few days ago because the last one you had was on its last legs from years of use, but if it’s malfunctioning already then he might have to look into getting a new speaker sooner than he thought.

Upon closer observation, Jihoon also notices that the song has changed — it’s playing one of his songs, your favorite one actually. Immediately he realizes what happened. He contemplates shooting you a text to tell you to disconnect him and just sync your own Spotify account to the speaker, you’re home more often than him anyway. That thought quickly disappears, however, as he imagines you getting ready for work listening to the sound of his voice and genuinely enjoying the music that he pours his heart and soul into, he can’t bring himself to disturb you even for a moment. His eyes soften as he stares blankly at the Spotify home screen, headphones now deafeningly silent. Surely, Jihoon decides, he can live without his Bruno Mars Mix for just a while longer.

You sometimes wonder if your boyfriend is magic. Although a good morning text has been standard in your relationship since the beginning, it's starting to concern you how perfectly timed it is.

Normally, your morning routine is simple. Wake up. Get out of bed. Bump some tunes. Check your notifications. Brush teeth. Wash face. Get dressed. Pack bag. Leave the house.

You’re usually the one to text him good morning given your later wake up time, yet he’s been beating you to it lately. Yes, he knows you set your alarm 8:15 everyday because it's “the perfect amount of time you need to get ready and still make it to work on the dot”. But that doesn't explain why “rise n shine babe :))” pops up on your phone as you brush your teeth on the days you wake up early, too.

[8:06 am] you have to tell me how you do it

[8:06 am] Do what????

[8:07 am] im onto you mister 👁👄👁

[8:07 am] 👍👍👍

You spiral through the possible scenarios in your head: he has your location, but that wouldn’t tell him when you woke up right? Does your icon move around on the map? No, the location data isn’t that accurate. Maybe when you open your phone, your Facebook status shows that you’re online? No, you know for a fact that you both haven’t opened that app in years. Hmm, did he plant cameras everywhere in the apartment? Sure, you get the security utility of it but if he did it without telling you, there would be some SERIOUS things to talk about, maybe it really is all just guesswork and coincidence?

Sigh… you’ll get to the bottom of this eventually.

Jihoon doesn’t plan on telling you, but rather wants you to figure it out yourself. After all, he’s been dropping so many hints already. Your chill hangouts at his studio have a gentle hum of your favorite songs as background noise. He purposely asks you about the new albums of your favorite artists that, surprise, he’s already listened to. He even makes it a point to remind you that the speaker at home is hooked to his account every now and then.

Sometimes, he swears that you’ve figured it out and were just messing with him when you make little comments about your his song choices like “Really babe, you listen to your own songs this often? Are you sure you’re not a narcissist or something?” But besides these moments, there was no indication that you knew about his secret morning routine as you questioned him regularly about his tactics.

He has to admit, it was kind of amusing to see you growing increasingly suspicious of how on earth he figures out when you wake up, being particularly fond of the cute annoyed face you make when he tells you “No babe, I did not put an Air Tag in your pajamas, you barely sleep in clothes anyway.” Even your pout is adorable as you pretend to give him the silent treatment, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long. His little secret is safe for another day.

Jihoon has been working brutal hours lately. As deadlines for the upcoming albums drew near, his days start earlier than ever and end equally as late. However, the one thing he can always count on is coming home to you waiting for him.

It was the night of the new album release and you were more excited than usual, greeting him at the door like a lovesick puppy as soon as you heard the door handle turning. “Hi love, what are you doing up so late?” he pulls you into a quick kiss as he sets his stuff down.

“I wanted to wait to listen to the new album with you so you could see my reaction to it!” your eyes were beaming with enthusiasm. Jihoon’s heart swells at the sentiment, knowing that his partner supports him and his passions with such sincerity. You excitedly motion him to join you in your shared bedroom, full of anticipation to hear the fruits of your boyfriend’s labor for the past months. “Alright, you’re not allowed to be disappointed then” he jokes as he pulls out his phone, quickly finding the recently released album and making sure the volume is high enough before tapping the first track and handing it over to you.

Only a few seconds of the song passes before an idea flashes across your eyes. “Wait, let’s play it on the speaker!” you interrupt. You’re on your feet in seconds and before Jihoon could even reach over to press pause, you’ve already commanded your home speaker to play the track out loud. The music immediately ceases on his phone and switches over to the speaker.

Shit, he’s done for, he thinks to himself. He studies your face carefully for any indication that he’s been found out but surprisingly, your attention is laser focused on the melodies now reverberating around your apartment. You’re mostly quiet during the songs but the rhythmic nodding of your head and facial expressions are a tell all of how much you enjoy each track that plays, contorting in a myriad of impressed shapes as killing part after killing part reaches your ears.

As the album comes to an end you look like you’re about to burst at the seams. Your boyfriend can’t control his smile as compliments and detailed thoughts flow freely from your lips for the rest of the night, not ceasing even as the both of you walk through your unwinding routines together. God, you love comeback days. The elaborate music show stages that you will undoubtedly watch later that evening has already been pre-recorded, giving you precious time together in the morning before his schedule whisks him away from your arms once again.

As you get ready for bed, you drift off to sleep knowing that tomorrow, for the first time in what seems like forever, you can finally tell him good morning in person before he can.

Your alarm rings at 8:15 am. Jihoon doesn’t need to be up this early, but he would do anything in order to be the first thing you see when you wake. You roll around in his embrace and press a kiss to his cheek. “Good morning” you both whisper to each other at the same time, sending you both into a fit of giggles as you argue who said it first.

Jihoon watches in adoration from the bed as you so naturally go through your morning routine, one that he misses out on more often than he would like. Today, you forgo your usual morning songs as you queue up your personal favorites off the new album, much to his delight. He tries his best to burn this scene into his memory as you gather your things and prepare to head out, giving him one last kiss. You’re about to unlock the door when you pause in your tracks.

“Baby?”

“Hmm?” he hums back from the bedroom.

“Enjoy the speaker, I can’t kick you off today.” you say with a smirk on your face as you exit the apartment, leaving Jihoon speechless.

#seventeen x reader #woozi x reader #seventeen fluff #seventeen fanfic #woozi fluff #lee jihoon x reader

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ethereal-cleanse · 23 hours

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Gemini New Moon PAC Sprad

Hey Guys! This one is pretty long, but I felt inspired to do it as I would one of my paid readings because I felt really connected with this moon today and I hope you guys find that at least one of these messages resonates with you! Now, let's get started★

Pile 1

Focus: 5 of pentacles (The Hierophant) After this new moon, those in pile 1 need to focus on balance. In our capitalistic society, money and resources are the key to our day-to-day survival, but what about your inner world? Your ties to the things outside of our mortal realm? Your growth will be found in the coexistence of the logical and mystical sides of life.

New Beginnings: The Emperor (Page of Swords) As new moons usher in new beginnings, you will gain more discipline, stability, and focus with a wave of curiosity, inspiration, and chattiness! If you’ve been wanting to be more assertive, this will come easily to you now.

How to Communicate: *The Gate (Justice) As we communicate during this time, remember to be pragmatic and speak the way you’d like to be spoken to. "You can attract more bees with honey than vinegar", and it’s important to remind yourself that it isn’t always what you say, it’s how you say it.

Strengths: The Devil (10 of Cups) In following this path, you must find strength in both the light and the dark. We all have wounds to heal and temptations that call to us, and while we must actively work to heal them, we cannot ignore the beautiful and joyous parts of life. Remain self-aware and honest with yourself, but don’t deprive yourself of embracing and showing appreciation for what and who you have.

Release: 8 of cups (The Fool) To gain something new, we must also let go, and this lunar cycle says to walk away from people, habits, and thoughts that no longer serve you. It may be scary to leave what’s familiar, but the Fool says to jump into this newness bravely. What you will get now is far better than what you had before.

Theme: Luck is on your side (New moon in Sagittarius) If you’ve been having a low spell, life is about to have an energetic restart! Take this time to be adventurous and connect with others, especially by sharing your ideas.

Manifestation: Know you are loved (New moon in Libra) “Love makes my world go round” Love, whether platonic or romantic, will start pouring in at this time. New relationship cycles (friendship, professional, and even romantic) as well as new opportunities will be available to you now.

Angel Guidance: #39 Perseverance (Joy Guide) “Don’t give up” Do not fret if things have taken longer than you thought, as your guides are urging you to keep going. Though this is a tougher process, take this time to learn as you go and keep your eye on the prize because your hard work will come to fruition. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pile 2

Focus: Temperance (7 of Swords) For group 2, this lunar cycle wants you to stay calm and balanced (both mentally and emotionally) as you go after what you want while also being aware of potential deception. Someone or something might be subtly getting in your way either personally or professionally, but don’t allow this to shake you! A challenge will not take you off your path, because what is for you cannot be taken.

New Beginnings: The Hermit (inverted 6 of cups) As you move towards this, your new beginning may start with you taking more time to be alone and to reflect. If you have been carrying pain from the past or have felt unable to move forward, this will be your moment to finally, truly let go and focus on your future! You see the light now, and it’s starting from within.

How to Communicate: Knight of Pentacles (The Lovers) Because this could potentially be an emotional time, when communicating, you must try to ground your passion and dreams with practical considerations that others can more easily understand and picture along with you. This will help you feel more understood and can take your ideas from the imagination to the real world.

Strengths: The Chariot (7 of Pentacles) A strength you can lean on currently is you self-discipline, ambition, and focus as well as your ability to plan and manifest! Your combination of patience and action makes you an unstoppable force and your success is inevitable.

Release: 4 of Pentacles (9 of cups) Finally, to embrace all that’s coming to you, you must release your need for control and anything that has been weighing you down. By embracing optimism and your right to prosperity, abundance will come to you in droves. Theme: Nothing Will Come of This (Void of Course Moon) “I trust in my highest good” If you’ve been worried about or hoping for something, that thing isn’t in the Universe’s plan for you. While this might be a positive or negative for some of you, this is your chance to pivot towards something in true alignment.

Manifestation: Take Inspired Action (Full moon in Virgo) “I forgive myself for everything, I am doing my best” In line with the Knight of Pentacles and The Lovers, the seeds of your manifestations must be watered with action. Be proactive and intentional as you move forward to make your dreams a reality.

Angel Guidance: #26 Balance (Teacher Guide)

“Give fairly and with unconditional love, and all will turn out well” Take this time to click in with your relationships. Are you taking too much on from those in your life? Are you communicating your needs or waiting for others to guess and feel hurt? Do others feel like they aren’t getting enough from you? Our relationships need to be an equal space of give and take, and so this time calls to regain that balance. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pile 3

Focus: 2 of wands (10 of pentacles) For those in group 3, your intentions should be centered on your goals, as they will lead you to prosperity, growth, and abundance! This is a time when you can feel confident in taking calculated risks for them as well, as there is financial stability and a solid foundation beneath you. If you’ve been torn about which path to take, this is your sign to choose the path your heart can’t let go of.

New Beginnings: The Tower (The High Priestess) As you go towards this new beginning, you will experience a significant transformation, one that might feel like a complete upheaval of everything you’ve known and built up until now. While this may sound scary, you will feel that something needs to change, and it’s important to trust your intuition and ability to face it head-on.

How to Communicate: 8 of pentacles (10 of wands) Because this will be an intense time for you, please communicate your needs to those around you. You may need more support and assistance, those that care will want to rally around and lift you up as you trudge along.

Strengths:6 of swords (5 of wands) A strength you can embrace right now is the freedom to let go. The feelings from your past don’t have to remain in this present time. The choice to embrace peace and release resentment, hurt, and negativity is empowering, and this new beginning deserves a you who wants to be renewed.

Release: King of Cups (inverted Knight of Cups) To fully move forward, replace moodiness with a balance between your mind and heart. Things can hurt, but they don’t have to consume you. “Logic” isn’t more valid than healthy emotional expression. Bring your emotional and realistic sides together and watch how your viewpoint evolves.

Theme: Surrender to the Divine (Full Moon) “I am getting the answers I need” Life is coming to a head, a climax, and it is important to keep a cool head as it unfolds. The odds are in you favor, but it is important to tune into yourself and your feelings to see what they are trying to tell you. Trust in your intuition and your guides.

Manifestation: See the bigger picture (Full Moon in Sagittarius) “I know that I am blessed and I love my life within that knowing” In this time, you have to find a balance and acceptance of where you are vs where you want to be. Learn and research as you head towards this new path, and if conflict appears, learn what needs to be said instead of saying too much. Be the bigger and more patient person at this time.

Angel Guidance: #44 Limitation (Nature Guide) “Listen and learn from others, they make it easier for you” As this is a new path, shed your perchance for pride, as it is of no use to you. Find those who are more knowledgeable and versed than you, ask questions, watch, and learn. You can go so much further with far less struggle when you are open to being unsure. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pile 4

Focus: 3 of Swords (Knight of swords) If you are recovering from heartbreak or dealing with heavy emotions like loneliness or depression, this lunar cycle is calling for you to pick yourself up and make big changes! Seize the day, put yourself back out there, open up, and be honest about how you feel, or simply be brave and do one thing that scares you. This low point isn't meant for you and it’s time to crawl towards the light.

New Beginnings: The Magician (Ace of Pentacles) Your new beginning is realizing that you are the key to the life you desire. The Magician manifests and takes action while the ace of pentacles brews financial abundance and material gains. If you start taking actions now, no matter how small, that align with the things you’ve been wishing for, this is a time that will foster personal, material, or financial success. Dream big and go for it! All you have to do is take the first step.

How to Communicate: Queen of Swords (King of Pentacles) When communicating, it’s important to be logical, direct, and clear-headed. As we express ourselves, try to balance your emotions and logic so that you can be heard while you express your true feelings. Hold your head high and be honest, even if it’s frightening. So much strength comes from speaking our truth.

Strengths: 9 of pentacles (the Empress) A strength you should connect with (no matter your gender) is your divine feminine energy. Tapping into this aspect of ourselves allows us to connect with the earth and the divine, promoting self-understanding and our access to manifestation. The 9 of pentacles signals abundance and by combining these two, you can create a beautiful life and find a state of contentment.

Release: The Star (9 of swords) To embrace all that is coming to you, lay down your fear, anxiety, and depression, and allow yourself to hope and dream. The life you want isn’t a silly pipe dream. You have access to pleasure and joy just like anyone else, and you must release the belief that you are worth anything less.

Theme: A Win-Win Outcome is Forecast (Full moon in Libra) “Let go of that which is falling away…” A relationship in your life is changing, whether deepening or coming to a close. It is important to remember that some things are for a reason while others are for a season, and no matter which way it’s headed, allow it to run its intended course. No matter what happens, it’s for your highest good no matter how it feels.

Manifestation: Go Deeper (New moon in Scorpio) “Life goes in cycles and my life is now regenerating” You’re stepping back into your power after something that cut deep, and it’s time to go into it fully. Dig deep into what happened and see the whole picture. Experience things fully right now instead of accepting the surface level.

Angel Guidance: #36 Abundance (Joy Guide) “Fill your heart with gratitude and appreciation for the good things in life right now. More blessed abundance is on the way” The universe is showering you with gifts and blessings that are going unnoticed by you, and so your guides are now bringing them to your attention. Each morning, ask for something good to happen and write down what showed up at the end of the day. The universe gives back what you put out, and gratitude begets even more love and blessings! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- And that is the end of this Pick-A-Card Reading. Thank you so much if you took the time to participate, comment in the notes what pile you pick, and please check out my shop or if you're feeling generous, you can support me on my ko-fi as well. Until next time, be sweet to yourselves!

#Gemini new moon #new moon in gemini #new moon tarot spread #tarot pick a pile #tarot pick a card #pick a card #pick a pile #pac reading

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moonlightazriel · 3 days

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Chapter 19: It feels cold and empty /// Azriel X F!Reader

Summary: They try to adjust to a life where they don't have each other anymore.

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: Angst, mentions of fighting and suicide.

Notes: if you're triggered by suicide scenes, please don't read this. If you're not, please enjoy..

Main Masterlist

Worlds Apart Masterlist

She nervously picked at the cuticles of her nails, every pair of eyes watching her curiously, not a word being said since she had been sitting in the council room of Aelin Galathynius’s castle for the last thirty minutes. The double doors burst open and she recoiled into herself further at the sight of Manon’s golden eyes, looking around the room until they landed on her.

“Where the hell have you been?” Her queen’s voice reverberated through the chambers and she took a deep breath.

“It’s a very long story.” Manon nodded, sitting on the empty chair by Aelin’s side.

“We have plenty of time, I actually cleared my schedule for the day.” The younger queen winked at her, she could sense the curiosity pouring out of Aelin since her sentries had brought her there, Meraxes somewhere she didn’t know.

“I don’t even know where I should start..” She took a moment to recompose her breath and looked at the face of her own queen once more. “Let’s start with the golden eyes of a King.”

Manon, Aelin and Rowan didn’t say a thing as she recalled everything that had happened on the time she was away, in too many details she described Velaris and the kindness of the faes she met there, she talked about the powerful wings and the bravery of a new type of people she met. The curses of this land in the hands of the middle born Valg King. She told them how Mantyx went there and how they, just like Elena once did, failed to kill him and sealed him and let the problem to those who would come after them.

She told them how using the powers of Celeste and the cauldron, they broke the seal and killed him in his own home, preventing him from conquering Prythian like he intended to do since the beginning. She talked about the key and the gate, reassuring them that it would never be a problem as they didn’t have any interest in leaving their own world behind.

She talked about the good friends she made, and how she would miss them dearly but she knew she had to come home. She didn’t say anything about Azriel to them, a selfish part of her didn’t want to share him with anyone, he was hers and hers only to keep tucked away in her heart forever, where he would never be hurt and unloved again.

“We’re glad to have you back.” Rowan said after she was done, nodding his head toward the female, his trained eye on the tattoo on her arm, as she nervously rolled her sleeves up, revealing the drawing to them.

“This world you described, it somehow feels familiar, when i close my eyes i can get a glimpse of beautiful stars and snow covered mountains.” Aelin stated, like a distant dream that bubbled in her mind, she had seen it when she was falling through the worlds, the male had helped her stop so she wouldn’t miss her home.

“I can’t even imagine all of that, but as Rowan said, we’re happy to have you back, we should go back home.” Manon said, rising from her seat and thanking Aelin for having them there. Y/N did the same, following her queen outside.

She almost laughed at the thought of calling this her home, as once someone said to her that home is where your heart is, and her was worlds apart from her, with the Shadowsinger she gave it to, the male she would love until the last day she walked this earth, maybe not even death would be enough to erase her love for him.

As she crossed the busy streets, she couldn’t avert her gaze from the statue built for them, their faces sculpted in stone, their swords raised together towards the stars, written in a beautiful handwritten at the base of the statue, she could read.

“From now until the darkness claims us. In honour of the brave warriors that gave their life for this land.” Asterin in the middle of them, leading them to the battle. She hated it, she despised the reminder of the family she lost, the people she never stood a chance of saving, she hated the reminder that no matter what she did differently that day, she could not change their sacrifice. She hated it because it reminded her of how, late at night between sobs, she wished the darkness would claim her too just so all the pain would be gone.

She found Meraxes sat by Abraxo’s side, his eyes distant, looking at where once a gap stood, like he too missed that land. But as Y/N climbed his leg, adjusting herself into the seat, she mumbled to him to forget that. They would never come back, and then, he carried them back to the Witch Kingdom.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

“It’s been four months.” Feyre said, rubbing Nyx’s hair out of his eyes.

“I guess locking him up at the House of Wind won’t work this time.” Nesta remarked, making Feyre roll her eyes at her. The inner circle sat at the dining table in the River House,worried about Azriel’s declining state.

Ever since she left, he had been sadder, angrier, snapping at anyone who dared to show a little bit of concern towards him. They could never imagine what it felt like, knowing your mate, getting to love her and having her falling in love with you too, just for her to be gone, to never come back.

“What if he tries something?” Elain asked, Lucien held her hand in a reassuring grip.

“We won’t allow it.” He said, Lucien was the one trying the hardest to look out for Azriel, because his best friend would be pissed with him if he didn’t try, she would want her mate to be as fine as he possibly could, and Lucien would ensure that for her.

“We could kidnap her back.” Cassian suggested and the whole table turned to him, looking at him like he had three heads.

“Oh Mother, we’re not kidnapping someone, what are we? Hybern?” Rhysand said, eyeing his brother with a glint of amusement in his eyes. “Azriel needs time, how much time he deems fit to get better, all we can do is pray to the Mother that he gets well soon, and show him that we’re here for him.”

“Talking about it..” Elain said getting up, fixing her skirts and nodding towards Lucien. “I’ll check on him.” She grabbed her mate’s hand, receiving an approving nod from Rhys, they winnowed to the House of Wind.

His room was dark and quiet, Azriel lay with his face pressed to his pillows, a dry trail of tears down his cheeks, his hair was messy, his shadows gathered around him quietly, like they too didn’t have the motivation to move.

“Az.” Elain called, crouching in front of his eyes, those hazel orbs that had once radiated life once, were dull and glassy, he didn’t even greet her. “I brought something for you to eat, I’ll open the curtains and Lucien will help you shower, okay?” She said in a cheerful voice, but the male kept quiet.

Elain did as she told, opening the curtains to let some sunshine enter his chambers, he hissed and she took it as a good sign that he could still feel something at least. She removed the covers from him, the blankets disappearing as the house helped her to get his room clean.

“Okay, time to shower.” Lucien said, him and Elain supporting his body, dragging the defeated male towards the bathroom. Elain thanked Lucien for his help as she left the two alone. Lucien didn’t even bother anymore, he had done the same for Tamlin a while ago, so he stripped Azriel naked, letting the male soak in the warmth of the bath the house prepared.

Lucien rubbed shampoo in his scalp, watching as slowly his shoulders started to shake and broken sobs parted his lips. He didn’t know what to say but he would wait if, for once, Azriel felt like talking today. Lucien almost gasped in surprise when the male, in fact, spoke.

“I feel pathetic.” He breathed and Lucien raised an eyebrow. “Four months depending on others because i can’t get a fucking grip.” He sounded angry, hurt.

“There’s no shame in needing help.” Lucien gently replied, washing the bubbles from his hair. “When I lost Jesminda, I thought I would never recover from it.. The days blurred into months, the months into years of being stuck into a horrific void..”

“How did you get out?” He choked in his own tears.

“I didn’t, not fully, and I don't think I ever will. My heart belonged to her, and a part always will, despite me loving Elain with all I have.” Lucien took another deep breath. “When I saw you and Elain together, I found myself back inside that void, sinking into it and letting it consume me.”

“I never apologised for what I did, you’re a good male, you didn’t deserve all the pain we both put you through.” Azriel turned his head to face Lucien, the male just shook his head.

“You took care of her when I couldn't, you gave her a choice, you helped pull her out of that void. I’m not saying it didn’t hurt seeing you two, cuz it felt like my soul was being ripped away from me, I’m saying that I’m willing to look past all of this because she’s worth it, love is always worth it, and if it meant she would be happy, I would go through all of this again, even if she never chose me, just to ensure she would be happy.”

“How would you live, knowing that you can’t have your mate?” Azriel dared to ask and Lucien seemed to think for a while.

“I would just keep going, like I always did. And you should too, I never took you for the kind of male that would give up on life like this.” Lucien nudged him with his hand and Azriel allowed a barely there smile to appear in his face.

“I should talk to you more often.” He snorted. “Thank you for looking out for me.” Azriel said with all the honesty he had in his heart.

“It’s for her.” Lucien confessed and Azriel nodded.

“Yeah, cuz she’s worth it.” He repeated and Lucien nodded. “I think I can assume from here.” Lucien nodded, getting up and leaving the bathroom to give him some time.

“I would never allow you to sacrifice your happiness for me.” Elain said as she spotted him, her eyes filled with tears. Lucien pulled her close.

“We don’t have to think about it anymore, we’re together and that’s all that matters.” He gently kissed her temple and the female nodded, the two sitting in the window, waiting for Azriel to get out of the bathroom.

When he did, she could swear he was a new male, freshly shaved and looking less tired, his cheeks were still hollow and he had bigger dark circles than ever, but she looked better, the talk with Lucien had really helped.

“Come eat something.” Elain gestured towards the plate in his study desk and he nodded, sitting down and eating like he hadn't done in months.

“Thank you two, for everything.” He said, his voice muffled by the food.

“Just doing what you did for me all those months ago.” Elain winked and grabbed Lucien’s hand. “We’re going back to the River House, you don’t have to, but if you want, meet us there.” The male nodded, watching as his friends disappeared, he would go back to his life, he would learn how to live without her again.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Fenrys growled, holding an ice filled cloth to her swollen face.

“He was fucking annoying.” She mumbled, wiping the blood on her sleeve.

“And you had to start a fight with him?” He offered her a cloth, but she declined.

“Asking gently didn’t work the first time, he had to learn.” She simply replied, her head throbbing, she was tired of that conversation.

“I know you left some important people behind, but you can’t keep like this, you’re not even alive anymore.” He shouted, ever since she came back, she had stopped eating, every night she would go out, and find someone dumb enough to start a fight with her, or she would lock herself in her room, screaming as Gods knows what plagued her dreams. She never failed her duty though. Every morning she would appear impeccable, ready to do whatever she was ordered to.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She got up, face to face with him. Fenrys scoffed.

“Do you think she would be proud? Asterin would be ashamed of you.” He said, the anger getting the best of him, seeing his friend wasting her life like this. But at the sight of her defeated expression and tear filled eyes, he regretted it. “I didn’t mea…”

“FUCK YOU, FENRYS!” She yelled in his face, turning away from him and marching. She seemed to remember something, because she turned around, the fat tear streaming down her bruised face. “It wasn’t just some important friends that i left behind, i left my mate behind, maybe this means something to you.”

Fenrys froze, mates were really precious in fae culture, for her to be here without him, having the strength to leave him behind, she was in so much pain, and he just made everything worse by throwing her biggest fear on her face, the fear of disappointing Asterin.

Y/N walked back to the castle, feeling her body numb, the pain in her chest too overwhelming to even feel the cold winds making her shiver. She marched towards her room, she opened the window, feeling the breeze messing her hair that had overgrown.

She just wanted it all to be gone, all the pain, all the sadness, everything. She closed her eyes shut, climbing the railing of the balcony. Maybe he wouldn’t feel anything, so far away from her. The winds were stronger, like they tried to push her back to the safety of her room. She took a deep breath.

“From now until the darkness claims us.” She breathed, feeling the air leave her lungs. That was when she allowed her body to lean forward, the sweet embrace that awaited for her and would bring her the relief she desperately wanted was all she had in mind.

She didn't register the loud horrific roar that ripped the skies, awakening the whole castle. She just felt her body being violently pushed backwards, the air getting knocked out of her lungs as her back hit the stone wall with full force. She opened her eyes, feeling her head spin, the whole room with it as dizziness set over her.

Someone grabbed at her, checking up on her head that bled due to the impact. She heard voices, but the consciousness slipped away from her grasp rather quickly. Until she let it claim her, pulling her into a soft embrace.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

“What’s wrong, Elain?” Lucien asked as he saw the white orbs of his mate. The female shivered.

“She tried to kill herself.” She mumbled and the whole table went still, turning towards her. Azriel felt his heart squeeze in his chest. “And she will try again.” Elain said, her voice laced with sorrow. Two more months had passed since she departed, Azriel was better, back to training and to his duties, but this had dragged him back to that void.

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” Rhys said, he truly was, but they couldn’t do anything.

“We need to go get her.” Nesta replied, already ready to jump through the gates to get her friend back.

“We can’t, remember that she chose to go.” He stared at the angry frown on Nesta’s face, he could feel it pouring out of her but she didn’t say anything to him, he should’ve known better than this.

Cassian watched as everyone finished dinner, going back to their rooms and houses. He watched as Nesta prepared herself for bed, he almost laughed at her antics, she thought she was sneaky, but he knew her better than herself, so as she pretended to be asleep. He got their bags ready.

Later that night, he heard her, slowly lifting from bed, shuffling through their things, quietly mumbling a curse, he kept pretending he was sleeping. He was quick to change into his leathers, sheathing his swords and walking to the living room, sitting in the dark, waiting for his mate.

Nesta gasped when the lights flickered on and she spotted her mate, sitting with two bags at his feet and a big grin spreading across his face. From behind him, surprise filled her at the sight of Elain in pants, her hair braided behind her back, a bag strapped to her shoulders, flanked by both Lucien and Azriel.

“We know you.” She had said and Nesta smiled at her family.

“How are we getting the key?” Lucien asked, and his sister in law just closed her eyes, focusing on that call, pulling it towards her, the same way she had done with the troves. The key appeared in her hands and she grinned.

“Like calls like.” She winked at them, strapping her bag on her shoulder before they winnowed away to Ramiel. As they opened the balcony door, to get easier to go, they spotted Rhysand. He was wearing his sleeping clothes, and was rubbing his temples.

“You’re all so predictable.” He sighed. “I’ll close my eyes for five seconds, and you all better be gone before I open them again. I don’t want to see you here, not without her.” He heard Nesta cheering, feeling the winds change around him as they all winnowed back, to get her home.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Taglist: @fieldofdaisiies @blackgirlmagicforever @a-frog-with-a-laptop @going-through-shit @asweetblueberry2

@roses-r-red54330 @mis-lil-red @sheblogs @hibye02 @impossibelle

@glitterypirateduck @zeroangelo13 @sekiro1310 @nelapeach14 @annamariereads16

@just-here-reading @celestialend @donttellthecats @scatteredstardustt @snoopyspace

@asterinblacksword @tsumudoll @georginat12 @skyjasper @anuttellaa

@willowpains @quinzzelx @amysangel @fightmedraco @puttyly

@lees-chaotic-brain @thisblogisaboutabook @esposadomd @stained-glass-eyes0708 @brujitafantomatico

@a-cup-of-nightshade @faridathefairy @bubybubsters @krowiathemythologynerd @joey-hoey

@acourtofdreamsandshadows @mendes-bae

#azriel shadowsinger #moonlightazriel #azriel #night court #azriel x reader #shadowsinger #sarahjmaas #azriel x y/n #velaris #acotar #azriel x oc #azriel acotar #worlds apart fic

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skyfallscotland · 2 days

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@heartfeltletters-written asked me 💥 How do you feel about criticism? and it felt like something that needed its own post, so here goes: the hypocrisy of critics in modern fandoms, an essay.

Criticism. I don't like getting it or giving it when it comes to writing. I struggle to even gently give it to friends, even when they ask me what I think of their work. Writing is such a personal thing that we pour our heart and soul into and like you say, many criticisms aren't necessarily valid. By that I mean, there's a difference between "Amy you use em dashes a lot babe" (I do) and "This story would have been so much better if Remi were a virgin" (actual criticism I have received, lmao).

Unlike traditional authors, we will never make money from this, we do it for the love of it and it's time we will never get back. For some of us, it's time we could be working on our own original manuscripts too. I don't think people who give the second type of criticism are writers, generally. They don't understand the craft and what goes into it. Whenever I post and someone says a chapter was short or they immediately ask when the next one is, and that's all they say, I die inside a little. I try not to take it personally, but it's hard.

Personally, I think fandom behaviour is getting worse and that flows over into our comment sections and tumblr asks. I have a whole other dissertation on this that we’ll call ‘the slow death of fandom as we know it: an essay’, but that’s perhaps for another post. I don’t know how welcomed that commentary would be.

You said the word ‘entitled’ in your original ask and I think that’s spot on. People have become more entitled in general and downright rude (which is not restricted to online spaces, by the way). I write for ACOTAR, but you’ve never seen me discuss it here because no matter what you say in that regard, you can’t win. Someone will always attack you and I do mean attack. Even in regards to Fourth Wing, I don't talk about my opinions a lot outside of my own little bubble of friends and readers.

And that's the kicker to this whole conversation, really. If I were to criticise Iron Flame/RY everyone would jump down my throat (as has happened on other platforms), even though I'd never say it to her face. Do I stand by my opinions? Absolutely. But it would be rude to tell her them, unless asked. I’m not allowed to (validly) criticise certain elements of her story, a published novel, without being attacked for it, but those same people are fine criticising my work directly to me. Hypocrisy at its finest.

There’s a new influx of people to fandom spaces who are completely unwilling to integrate and completely unwilling to be kind. You mentioned those who criticised your work could have saved themselves the trouble and read the tags, but the thing is: they don’t want to. They can’t be bothered to take five seconds and figure out how they work, to curate their own experience, because that’s what half these people are like. They want an algorithm to do it for them, gods help us.

For me, personally, I'm my biggest critic. I also have raging generalised anxiety, so just posting on the internet is enough to send me spiralling (seriously, I feel sick just typing this out). It's very, very out of my comfort zone and I've been very, very lucky so far to have cultivated the readership I have, full of very like-minded people. Perhaps due to some of the darker content matter. But the second I get harshly worded comments, I get upset.

I don't say that to elicit sympathy, it's just a fact. I get upset about it the same way I would if you were standing in front of me saying it to my face, and for someone with depression and anxiety, that lingers. I'm getting better at laughing at them, but it's like when someone tells you they don't like you and your mum says "just ignore them"—not that easy, right?

So yeah, I don't mind if you want to tell me I use a lot of em dashes, or that I've used a word incorrectly in context, but I don't need to hear how much you hate original character fic when you could just use your last remaining braincell the back button and continue on with your day. Just be kind, is all I'm saying.

#hurricane's writer asks #amy chose violence 🔥#basgiath (remi's version)

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madridfangirl · 2 days

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Star crossed lovers (Jude Bellingham fanfic)

(Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3)

Chapter 4

Jude * female reader

Warnings: None. Slightly mature language in parts.

…………………………..

Jude let go of her hands, which fell in her lap, and took two steps back to look at her. The mood needed some lightening up.

‘Look at you, shooting me down two nights in a row. One would think I played for Barca, not Madrid.’

This made her look back at him. His silliness made her smile, she couldn’t help herself.

‘There is no way I would be sitting in your kitchen if that were the case.’

‘Finally, the sass is back. Hallelujah!’

He mimicked his celebration, with his hands raised, quite proud of himself in the moment.

She tried kicking his knee to wipe that smirk off his face but he dodged just in time, both laughing by now.

‘Let’s get some food in you. And more wine, definitely more wine. Then we will talk.’

They moved to the living room couch with their dinner and drinks, and settled on watching an episode of Friends. Both knew the show by heart and it served as the perfect distraction. The food was lovely too. White sauce pasta was her ultimate comfort food - she had no idea how he chose this or if it was just something his cook decided to make.

But what helped the most was the wine. It tasted like little drops of heaven. She knew it would be some fancy ass bottle she won’t even be able to pronounce so she didn’t even bother checking the name.

It had started raining by then, she could see the downpour through the French windows facing the backyard. And in Madrid, when it rained, it poured.

While she was looking outside, he cleared the empty plates and came back to the couch with re-filled glasses.

‘Agnes will drop you back later, don’t worry. He’s awesome at driving.’

She turned around and thanked him with a genuine smile, taking the glass from his outstretched hand.

‘Now, tell me, why so intent on shooting me down?’

He tilted his head towards her, patiently waiting for a response. Ananya looked down wryly, while her fingers played with the fabric of the couch.

‘It’s not something I set out to do. But, you and me, we are so different. Don’t you think?’

‘Why do you think so?’

‘Isn’t it obvious? Our jobs, our worlds, our lives, our circles, our priorities - every damn thing is different. There is nothing in common.’

‘Or we are two young, lively, ambitious people, enjoying life in a new city while still being connected to our families back home. That’s how I see it.’

She shook her head in frustration.

‘C’monn, Jude. I am sure you can see my point. You can see what I mean.’

He scanned her face for a few seconds, before conceding.

‘Alright, cool. Yes, we are different. Why is that such a bad thing though? Don’t opposites attract?’

‘Only in movies. And novels. Not in real life. Practicality always wins in real life.’

‘Don’t believe in romance then? In love and fairy tales?’

‘Romance, yes. Love, yes. But not in fairy tales. Not in Price Charming or a White Knight. Not in some star crossed lovers kinda story.’

‘That’s too much scepticism for a 20 year old, y’know.’

She just shrugged in response. He wondered if there was a story behind it. If something, someone rather, made her feel this way. But that thought was so unpleasant that he quickly snapped out of it. Conversation for another time.

‘Ok, let’s stick to practicality then. Let’s break it down. Why can’t we give this a try and see where it goes? Why do we have to think 50 steps ahead on day 1?

‘Define giving it a try.’

‘Dating.’

‘And what would that entail?’

He had been leaning against the back of the couch but sat upright then, and looked at her quizzically.

‘You are asking me what dating entails?’

‘No. I am asking what dating you entails. Would it mean going to your matches, going out in the city with you, to be clicked in public with you? Yeah?’

‘Well, yeah, I guess.’

She sighed, and he put his glass on the table, utterly confused now. When she spoke next, her voice was small but firm.

‘The thing is, just the thought of that, of so many eyes on me is nauseating. It makes me want to run. I can’t handle the pressure of being in the public eye like that. Of being under constant scrutiny. The media will dig out every photo, every text, every said and unsaid thing. And not just that, the fans Jude. Some of your fan girls will absolutely detest my existence, for not being deserving in their eye of the most sought after guy in all of Europe maybe. And I live here, right in the epicentre of all this. It won’t just be virtual. It will be everywhere around me.’

Ananya took a big sip from her glass, almost gulping down the remaining half in one go. While he sat still, trying to process everything she was saying. She continued immediately after.

‘Also, who’s gonna take me seriously at work then? Do you know how hard it is to get into investment banking? There are so few women who graduate to leadership roles in this field - the glass ceiling is present and real. And I am just starting out. I worked my ass off to get here. But they will all just look at me as your…, as some kind of floozy..’

He didn’t let her finish. Jude grabbed both her hands, held them together between his and squeezed firmly.

‘Shhhhhhhh, calm down, calm down babe. I hear you.’

She breathed heavily, gradually opening her eyes as he kept making shushing noises in the meantime.

His eyes were kind and sincere, seeking hers. She nearly got pulled into them but managed to regain her balance. He spoke softly, with understanding.

‘It’s not that bad for some guys, y’know. Tony was telling me how Jessica has pretty much been able to do her own thing here, without much glare. Same for quite a few other guys.’

‘Jude, they are not you. And please don’t make me explain what that means, you already know it.’

Yes, he knew what she meant. She could see it with the resignation in his eyes.

It was his turn to look away to compose himself. She couldn’t resist admiring his face from so close, as he was lost in thought.

‘How about this - we don’t tell anyone. No one. Just you and me. We meet either here or at your place. I will find a way to get there without being seen. No media. No fans. No pictures. No drama. No pressure. Till we are ready. Till you are ready.’

His eyes had changed shade again, filled with resolve now.

She considered every word and replayed it over in her head.

‘That’s not ideal for you, though, is it?’

‘Maybe it is. The media finds enough fodder to rip apart my life and my family’s as it is, let’s not give them more juice. It could be a good thing dove, seriously.’

She scanned his face to see if he really meant what he said. When she couldn’t find any evidence to the contrary, she let out a little sigh.

‘You are sweet.’

‘You are pretty.’

His instant response threw her off-guard. The look of surprise on her face and her failed attempt to speak was deeply amusing to him. Along with the little blush that was starting to creep up at the top of her cheeks.

She pulled out her hands from his hold, gathered herself and tried to look admonishing. He just laughed at her response and flashed her his biggest smile, all 32 teeth visible.

Ananya was convinced he was just trying to distract her from the conversation. The darned thing was, it was working.

‘Can you please be serious, Jude?’

‘I say it as I see it.’

He retorted, meeting the challenge in her voice.

Just then, his phone rang loudly and they both jumped from the suddenness of it. He looked at the phone, then looked at her indecisively.

‘Umm, it’s my Mum.’

‘Go talk to her, she must be calling about the match. What are you waiting for?’

He beamed happily at her, almost thanking her for understanding. Then quickly answered the phone, moving to the next room. She could see him through the glass windows, walking up and down, practically skipping with joy while discussing the match with his mom.

It was such a sweet moment. He looked like a 5 year old little boy telling his mom he came first in a school race. The love was practically radiating from his being.

She smiled, then busied herself with her phone. Giving them their privacy.

Her insta was filled with messages of shock, awe and jealousy of them getting to watch the Classico live. She chuckled and scrolled through all, reminding herself to respond later.

Roma had sent her a few messages too, asking her how it was going. And throwing in some deeply suggestive comments in between. Ananya could tell her friend was drunk. If only she knew what was really happening here, she would probably murder her.

What was really happening here? She was ruining what was probably the best day of his life yet by discussing her complicated thoughts. He could have been celebrating with his teammates right now, or with anyone else. He deserved to have the moon tonight, not what they were doing.

Guilt set in and she kicked herself for coming over in the first place. He would have been upset but surely he would have found ways to get over it quickly.

The constant pattering of rain outside served as a good distraction. She walked over to the French windows and settled down on the comfy floor seating. The cushions were cozy and the throw was soft; she pulled it up till her waist and shut her eyes for a bit.

She still hadn’t told him the other piece of her hesitation. It was a trickier conversation - she didn’t know how to articulate it, or if she even wanted to. She didn’t know how he would react to such vulnerable admissions. Tonight was so not the night, such horrible timing.

Just then, she heard half-frantic footsteps in the background and moments later she saw him turn the corner.

‘There you are. Thought you ran away without telling me.’

She elbowed his side lightly as he settled down next to her on the floor seating, leaning against the cushions.

‘You think I would do that?.’

‘Been trying to run since yesterday. Don’t trust you yet.’

They were side by side, facing the windows but turned slightly towards each other. Ananya chose to not address the last comment.

‘How was the call? She must have been happy.’

There was the little boy again, smiling from ear to ear, radiating such affection for his mom that it made her heart flutter.

‘She was over the moon. But she’s always like that - twice as happy as me for anything I do. Same with Jobe. She’s just a bundle of love.’

This was just cheating at this point. How was she supposed to resist him like this? But she had to get it off her chest, before it was too late. Before something happens that she can’t go back on.

His eyes turned yet another shade, intense. She could feel them roaming over her now.

‘Listen, about earlier.’

‘Oh yes. Sorry for the interruption. You said there was something else. Tell me.’

Her fingers dug into the cushion as she struggled to articulate this sensitive topic. He watched her movements closely, letting her take his time.

‘I came out of a serious relationship, in fact the only relationship I have been in, about 6 months ago. It was hard, coz I thought that person was THE person I will end up with. He said all the right things, did all the right things but eventually when it came to it, he didn’t have it in him to fight for us enough.’

Jude grabbed a nearby cushion too, resisting the urge to bite on it or rip it open. He could tell her scepticism had a story behind it and this seemed to be that.

‘Not gonna bore you with more about that. But long story short, the idea of being with someone is a bit daunting for me right now. A lot of my fundamental beliefs have been shaken, including my ability to trust in my instincts, which I thought I was good at. I am still trying to piece myself back together block by block. That was another reason to pick Madrid - a complete change of environment. I am not…as in I don’t have any feelings for him anymore but it’s myself that I am trying to understand better. Not sure if that makes sense but that’s what it is. ‘

Just my luck, he thought. The cushion was living on borrowed life in his hands at this point but Jude was proud of the way he had kept his face calm and neutral.

‘Thank you for sharing this with me, couldn’t have been easy. Look, I get it. Coming out of a long relationship can be hard. I have also been in one. Though, I don’t think I was ready for it at the time and I can’t claim to have been a good boyfriend either. But we all learn and grow from our experiences, right? Can’t stop trusting our instincts. Think of it this way - you knew all this yet you are here tonight. Something pulled you towards me. Don’t let your brain deny that.’

Well, she wasn’t denying the pull she felt towards him. She was trying to make sense of it with him. But he still hadn’t gotten the full picture. She needed to spell it out crudely so he really gets it.

Ananya looked straight at him for this - so she could see his reaction closely.

‘Jude - I don’t think I am ready for anything physical. And I don’t know when I will be ready. Or if I will be ready. That’s what I have been trying to tell you.’

She watched the realisation dawn on his face then. Well, finally, she thought. When he didn’t speak for the next 30 seconds, she chimed in again.

‘Look - I know this is atypical and I know this won’t work for you. I get it. We can look at last two days as a different experience and just call it a night. It’s absolutely fine.’

His head shot up at her, and his tone was sharp, for the first time tonight.

‘Sorry - what do you mean you KNOW this won’t work for me?’

‘Because it won’t work for most people in your position.’

She said calmly, trying to keep an even tone.

‘IN MY POSITION? You mean a footballer right? And you know this how? Let me guess - media, social media and gossip pages, correct?’

‘Jude, I..’

‘Tell me this - have I done ANYTHING in the last two days to make you uncomfortable? Did I push you, touch you or even look at you when you didn’t want me to?

‘Please don’t say that. You haven’t. That’s not what I..’

‘Then why, why did you of all people assume I was some sex-crazed animal who is only interested in fucking anyone with….’

She crossed the distance between them, kneeled in front of him and covered his mouth with her hand.

‘Stop, please stop. I am sorry. That’s not what I meant. And yes, I shouldn’t have drawn any conclusions from the media. You are right. Pls I beg you, just calm down. I am so so sorry.’

She could feel his heavy breathing on her hand, but atleast he didn’t push her away. The fight drained out from his eyes slowly, replaced with hurt. Which killed her even more. She moved her hands to his shoulders, gently stroking both.

He spoke in a small voice then, the twinkle lost from his eyes.

‘What did you mean then, if not all that?’

‘I meant that, someone like you, who has the world at his feet right now, who has enough high stakes as it is in his day job, why would such a person want this kind of a restricted set-up? I am sure models, actresses and all such sexy women must be throwing themselves at you left, right and center. You could be with anyone you want to be with.’

He seemed to believe her explanation, from the way his shoulders relaxed and his expression softened.

‘Clearly, not anyone.’

He pointed in her direction. When she didn’t say anything, he reached for her hands lying on his shoulders. And gently, fleetingly brushed his lips on the back of both.

She gasped & shut her eyes, willing herself to not melt. Failing miserably.

‘I believe I have the right to decide who I find sexy. And dove, you are the reason I struggled to sleep last night. Haven’t stopped thinking about you.’

Ananya wanted to hide from his gaze which was burning her even with her eyes closed. But she was transfixed.

‘Plus you are smart, a little lippy, highly opinionated, well-read, brave, vulnerable, honest and so so real. Gosh, I love that about you.’

He requested her to look at him. She obliged.

‘I would take you right now if you were in the same headspace. God knows I have thought about it. But, if taking things slow is what you need and the alternative is you walking out that door forever, then let’s go at a turtle pace. Can’t let go of you.’

He pulled them both up to their feet, standing a few inches away from each other.

Then, he opened his arms for her, inviting her in. She looked between his arms and his face which had an expectant smile, then back to his open arms.

‘Come here, come to me.’

Next second, she found herself against his chest. Strong arms wrapped around her in a gentle hold, pulling her further into his chest. While her hands went around his broad back, clutching at his jumper.

This wasn’t like anything she had ever felt before. His scent, his warmth, his breath, his presence fogged her mind and made her oblivious to everything else in the world.

Jude kissed the top of her head and rested his cheek against it. She bit her cheek to not let out a moan, but failed, making him smile.

‘Feeling what I am feeling?’

‘Yes.’

‘Will you give us a chance, then?’

‘You haven’t left me with a choice.’

‘Finally. Two wins in the same night, I am truly on a roll.’

She giggled against his chest at his silliness, and he followed suit. Feeling his laugh reverberate through his whole body was a feeling she couldn’t describe in words. It was something pure, something ethereal.

They swayed in each other’s arms for minutes, not wanting to let go. Not wanting to disturb the peace of the moment.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she grudgingly removed her cheek that was placed against his chest, and looked up at him.

‘It must be late. I should go now.’

‘If you want, you can take the guest bedroom. And leave in the morning whenever you want.’

‘I have some work in the morning, have to send out some stuff to the New York office.’

‘Agnes can pick up your laptop and bring it here.’

‘Jude - I really don’t think we should be under the same roof tonight.’

‘Don’t trust me?’

‘Don’t trust either of us right now, to be honest.’

He flashed her a mind-numbing smile.

‘Already can’t resist me? I knew it.’

‘Shut up and let me go.’

‘Five more minutes?’

‘Fine.’

She rested her cheek on his chest again, while his went on her head. His arms gently stroking her back, building a cocoon of comfort. They stayed like that for more than 5 mins.

……………………………………………

There you go - hope you are liking the story so far.

Feedback is very very welcome :)

#jude bellingham #bellingham x reader #bellingham #real madrid #jude fanfic

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neo404 · 3 days

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How about.... Nick Sturniolo as a ballet boy

Ballet boy Nick x reader

The morning was cold, the breeze soft, it was early and the smell of coffee was filling the kitchen, my eyes still adjusting to being awake. I hear my older sister talk on the phone with someone. I sigh, this will be a long day, I hate waking up this early.

“Come on, we are gonna be late.” She says, looking at herself on her phone camera and slicking back some hairs, her black leotard hidden by her pink coat. I smile weakly at her, she really is passionate about this, it makes me happy.

“Going, boss.” I say, pouring the freshly brew coffee on a heat adaptive bottle to keep it warm. A few cars pass by, fewer people walk here and there. The sun is barely rising, the engine of my car roars as I yawn. “Bia, want me to pick you up too?” I take a long sip of the hot coffee and feel a tiny burn sensation on my tongue.

“Yeah, I think some friends wanted to eat us afterwards. Steph is gonna be there, obvi.” I let out a soft groan. “I know, I know. I’ll tell Steph to not embarrass you in front of the cute waiter again.”

“Shut up, Bi.” I start to drive, the soft music of Bias ‘pre ballet’ playlist making me feel like I’m still dreaming, I can hear her taking pictures of herself and I feel the warmness in my heart. She really has come a long way, she has a lot of friends, she is confident and has a loving girlfriend, who loves to embarrass me in front of people I find cute.

I park right outside the petite building in the corner of a street, right besides a coffee shop and adjacent to a small park. Bianka waves goodbye at me and get off the car, I wait of her to enter the building and when she does, I wait for her text.

“Upstairs.” And attached to it is a photo of her smiling to the mirror with Stephanie beside her.

“Tell her I say hi.” I reply. When I put my phone down, I grab my coffee and drink all of it in one long sip. Since it was so early, I had to slow drive to the library for it to open in order for me to start working on my essay. I hear my phone ring as I step out of my car. I pick up and raise the phone to my face. Bias panicked voice hits my ear even with the phone a few centimeters away from it.

“Oh god, oh god.” She speaks. I panic for a slit second too. “I left my pointe shoes in your car.”

“What?” I heard her loud and clear, I just couldn’t believe what she was saying.

“I left them. You have to bring them here, now. Please, the elections for the Black Swan are today and you know how hard I have-“

“I’m on my way, don’t panic. I’ll be fast.” I say as I open the door to my car again.

“Okay, don’t drive too fast.”

“I won’t.”

Thankfully, today seemed to be a slow day for most people because the streets weren’t as cramped as usual. I park, enter the building, and walk upstairs to the salon. I slowly open the door and walk inside, the room is big, filled with mirrors and bars on the walls, people are stretching and adjusting their shoes all around the floor. I see a few girls and guys staring at me, I gulp. I slowly walk to where Bia is.

“Bi.” I call her and she turns around. Hugging me tightly, I pat her back.

“Thanks! Thanks, thanks, thanks. God, I was about to cry.” She let’s go off me, I look around and nervously wave at Steph and her other friends.

“Hi…”

“Take a seat while I put these on, I’ll give you 5 dollars for the inconvenience.” She says as she lures me to a corner where her stuff is. I lean into one of the bars screwed to the walls.

“No needs to.”

“Shush, I want to, plus you can buy yourself more coffee, I swear you are an addict to that thing.” She sits on the floor and starts putting her shoes on. I look around the room, on the other corner, alone, a boy spins and stretches his arms up and to the sides, I see his turn and jump, doing things whose names I don’t remember but I swear I listen to Bia talk about. I become mesmerized by his elegance and figure. It’s like the whole room goes quiet, and it’s only the faint noises of the cars and people passing by, the wind hitting the windows and sliding in throw the curtains and in the middle of that beautiful picture is him, twirling around like no one I have seen. It was all black and white, him being the only color in my mind, until I feel a nudge on my leg. I quickly snap out of my mind. “Who you lookin at?” Bia smiles at me and raises and lowers her brows playfully at me. I quickly turn my face around.

“No one.”

“Come on, tell me. I probably know him.”

“Shhh, I don’t want to have this conversation. I’m leaving.” I stand straight, one foot in front of the other when I feel Bis arms around mine, and her voice screaming. ‘NIIIICK’ in a high-pitched voice. I freeze, all my muscles tensing up. I feel my face getting red and my heart beating faster when the guy I was staring at gives one last graceful spin and turns to look at us, when he sees Bianka he smiles warmly at her and waves to her. Bia makes a motion with her hand, telling him to come closer. “I hate you. I really do. No more free rides to ballet.”

“You don’t, thank me when you guys get married.”

“Won’t happen.”

“You don’t know that.”

“What I do know is that I have a crazy sist-“

“Oh my god, hi Nick.” My back instinctually straightens and I look at this Nick guys eyes, and I become more enamored with his sight when I see they are different shades of blue, I put all the energy and will in my body and soul to not become bright red.

“Hi Bii.” He says, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Who is this?” he points at me, like I’m not there, and maybe I am not, because if he would have asked me, I would have now said a words due to how nervous I feel.

“Oh, this little guy? He is my amazing brother; he brought my pointe shoes because I forgot them on his car. Can you believe that? anyway, I wanted to introduce you two because he is the one who will come pick us up to go get food.” She says smiling widely. I want to die, little guy? Are you serious, BI? I’m not a toddler.

“Oh, that’s great, I didn’t want to bother Matt today, he seemed pretty tired.” He says to Bi, then he turns to me. “Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Nicolas but you can call me Nick.” He says, every word sliding out of his mouth like he has already predicted that this was going to happen, like he has practiced this, not a stutter, not a slip, never. He was perfect. From his way of dancing to the way he spoke to people, I hated how perfect he seemed. It must not be real; he has to be fake. “You are a guy of few words.”

“Oh, I… yeah, I guess, nice to meet you too.”

I wanted to burry myself on the ground, I wanted to scream and jump out of the window, I wanted to punch him in the face because he can’t be this handsome. I wanted to kiss him, because if he is perfect a all of those things, he must be perfect at that too.

But I was saved by all these random and uncoherent thoughts by the class teacher, who spoke loudly and clear. “Class is about to start, please, all boyfriends and girlfriends and partners out of the room… Mini Bia you too.” I sigh. And then I heard him laugh and I couldn’t hold it anymore, my face went bright red.

“God, why does she call you that?”

“Long story…” I stare at him while he tries to compose himself, he isn’t perfect… but that just makes him prettier.

“You better tell me that story when we eat. I will die if you don’t.” he puts his hand on my arm and squeezes it, a simple friendly gesture that makes my mind go berserk.

“I wasn’t planning on eating with-… yeah, I’ll tell you there.” I smile at him and wave goodbye at everyone in the room. Before I go out, I see Bia smiling at me and putting one of her thumbs up.

I couldn’t get any work done; all I could think of was him. I wanted to talk to him every hour of every day. I wanted to know every single inch of his body and soul, I wanted to know his dreams, hopes, wants, needs, I want everything. I stared at the words on my computer, and the caffeine on my body rushed throw my veins after my 3rd cup of the day. I let out a loud groan of frustration followed by a “SHHH” of someone near me. “I’m sorry.” I loudly whisper back.

I have always been patient, when you have a sister like Bianka you have to be, one of her longest recitals lasted up to 3 hours, without counting the time she spend grabbing her things, getting changed, collecting all the roses and bouquets she received, taking pictures with every single friend and teacher, exchanging instagrams with the new people she met there, going back to the changing room because she forgot something, talking to people, arranging post recital gatherings, deciding where they wanted to eat. The whole deal requires patience, and I have it. But not now, not when I have to wait 4 hours for them to finish training.

But magically I did. Bias text came in, telling me to pick them up. I grabbed my stuff, waved goodbye to the old lady at the counter and went to my car. As soon as the engine roars I start to drive, arriving quickly to the building, I text her back. “Outside.” She reads it but doesn’t reply, I wait for about five or eight minutes. When I ear a little tap on the window. I see Nick bending a bit so his face is at my height, I lower the window.

“Hi, is this mini Bia? The uber app says that’s the name of the driver.” He smiles at me, his hair a bit messy and his clothes changed, more casual and relaxed. I roll my eyes at him but a wide smile is painted across my face.

“That’s me, sir. Come in and I’ll take you to your destination.” He laughs and stands straight; he walks over to the copilots’ side and sits besides me. Bia and her friends open the door and rush inside the car laughing and giggling.

“Sorry for being late, there was a spider in the changing room.”

“What?” I say.

“Just drive.” I do as she tell me, I hear them talk and complain and whine about the roll distribution, but Bia seems happy because she got the roll she wanted, Nick did too. So, I offered to buy them all a coffee after we eat, so they can keep chatting and I have an excuse to try and get closer to Nick.

The restaurant they wanted to go was pretty, string lights all over the roof, lots of plants here and there, calm music paying and a nice sweet smell all over the place. We sat down close to a large window, I sat across Nick, besides Bia. Everyone ordered the food and while we waited, I hear Nick talk.

“So… why mini Bi?” he says looking at me with a smile I gulp.

“Once I went to give Bianka something she forgot at the house to her, and her ballet teacher raised her voice at me, she said ‘Bia, why aren’t you changed yet?’ I just looked at her panicked, then Bia rushed to my side and she was shocked, she says we look identical. So, she started to call me mini Bia when we told her I was actually younger that Bianka.” Nick giggles a bit as I talk.

“You two do look alike.” He says.

“I don’t think that.”

“Really? You literally have the same eye and face shape.”

“Yeah, but some people say we look like twins. I think I am a hotter version of her.” Her friends laugh, Nick doesn’t. His eyes narrow and they go from Bia to me, from me to Bia.

“Speaking of twins. Matt yesterday bought 3 packs of sodas with my card. I want to strangle him.”

“Who’s Matt?” I ask.

“Oh, my brother.”

“His hot brother.” One of Bias friend say.

“Shut up, they look like me.”

“I’m not saying you are not hot.”

“You literally said the hot one, implying only he is hot.” Both of them smile at each other as they play fight. Then, like a bucket of iced cold water, Nick says. “Don’t you think I’m hot?” while looking at me dead in the eyes. I freeze.

“Well… I- I don’t think I should say that because I just meet yo- NOT saying that you are not, just I don’t think it’s appropriate and I-“ he laughs even harder, and if my face was red, not I invented a new color with my cheeks.

“I’m just joking.” He puts on of his hands on top of mine. I gulp and let out a sigh. Once again, I get saved by someone else, the waiter comes in without food, I slide my hands out of the table and grab my pants tightly. God, I’m so red.

“You feel good? you are so red; do you need air?” Bia asks, a cheeky smile on her face. I glare at her.

“No, I’m fine.” I try to play it off.

The food was nice, what wasn’t nice was trying to melt every time Nick laughed or looked at me. we had coffee, we laughed more, I got red over and over again. I left them on a mall, everyone got down but Nick who was ‘grabbing his stuff’. He gave me his phone, the contacts app open and the keyboard composed with numbers filling half of the screen. I look up at him surprised. “Just in case I need a ride.”

“You can tell Matt.” I whisper.

“But I can’t go on dates with him, can I?”

“Oh…. Ohhhhh, shit. Yeah, fuck, sorry. I didn’t mean to curse.” I grab the phone out of his hands and type in my phone number and give it back to him, he smiles and gets down of the car when he closes the door and takes a few steps closer to my sister and the group my phone rings. I pick up.

“I had to confirm.” He says.

“I will never give you the wrong number.”

“You better not. See you around.”

“Yeah, have fun.” I smile at him looking at him throw the window, he waves at me and the all walk inside the mall. I bury myself into the steering wheel, god, thanks Bianka.

Taglist: @freshloveforthefit @shywolfapricotfan @sturnphilia @matty-bear @thenickgirl @stvrniolvsp @paige05 @soursturniolo @miloisdone1 @teenagetrash00 @lovely-calypso @h3arts4harry @malirosee

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queer-little-demigod · 3 days

Text

i wish i were special - clarisse la rue

summary glory matters more to her than you do.

fic type angst/hurt

pairing clarisse la rue x fem!hades!reader

word count 1k

warnings clarisse being mean, neglect, sadness, hurt, breakup, implied su!c!de

masterlist

That evening in the Hades cabin was lonely as per usual. You sat there, feeling stupid as you stared at the black candles flickering their orange light against the silver candleabra you had so painstakingly found out from the lost-and-found (ironically).

The dinner had been set, with Clarisse's favourite pasta with meat sauce, and two glasses of cranberry juice. All for her.

It had started with shying away from your touch in public, passing a comment here and there. But over time it got harder and harder to ignore.

Why didn't you do anything, Y/n? You might be thinking.

You just couldn't bring yourself to tell her she was being shitty, because more often than not she'd dedicate a win to you. With a speech, her lips on your skin, her hands on your body.

But ever since Percy came to camp, it’s always been about glory. It’s always been about being one step ahead of that random little twelve year old who just had a bout of good luck (in Clarisse’s opinion) and killed a Minotaur on his first monster encounter?

It was obviously more than that, too, but it still hurt the same.

It hurt even more that you had planned this date all by yourself, when she knew what a problem attachment and intimacy was to you, and she just didn’t show up.

You had poured your heart and soul into this, a way to show her how much you love her. A way to show her that you cared and weren’t just some unemotional Hades kid like everyone else thought you were. You actually wanted to show that you were different from everyone, not just the girls, because your godly parent, for the last eight years, had dictated how people saw you. How they assumed you were.

You gave up after a while, and lay back in your bed, staring at the ceiling after blowing out the candles on the little desk you made a makeshift dinner table.

‘What did I do wrong?’ Was your only question. ‘Was she tired of me?’ ‘Am I too much for her?’ ‘Is it because I’m a Hades kid?’

Little by little, you felt your heart break. Like a sculptor’s stone being chipped away bit by bit to make a painful masterpiece. You loathed having such a godly parent, you wished with all your might that things were different.

That maybe you were still special to her.

The next day, she came up to you with excitement. “Y/n, baby guess what—“

You didn’t want to hear it. Your whole body screamed at you to leave that situation, to walk away, make her feel shitty the way she made you feel shitty.

But you just couldn't.

You thought it would mzke you too vengeful, thought it would potray you as petty. It was just a missed date, she could've been busy, she forgot to tell you.

Intentional or not, it still hurt.

"That's amazing," you smiled tightly, resisting the urge to slide out of her touch as she swung an arm across your shoulders.

You loved her, but why did her touch feel like it was knives dragging down your skin? Why did it feel like she was not your girlfriend, but an outsider? An outsider who was trying to touch you.

She was just a stranger wearing your lover's face.

Three days later, it happened again.

You sat at the campfire alone, feeling far too shy to talk to the other campers, noticing how they shuffled away from you or formed such close-knit groups that you were physically excluded as well. How they whispered and stopped when you came. You saw it all. It sucked.

But what sucked the most was Clarisse not saying a single thing against it. How she, too, stayed with her group, not bothering to include you in any way whatsoever.

Your mind raced. Did you do something wrong again? Why was she doing this?

You saw that unlike usual, she didn't come to you in the evening to stargaze or just talk. She was at the training grounds. Again.

You understood that the battlefield was her temple, her spear her idol, the battlecry her prayer, but you also wished that you were as special to her as you once were.

You were a battlefield, but just the aftermath. The battlefield when it was littered with bodies, blood clumping up the soil and the air hanging heavy with the stench of death.

But you wanted more. You wanted something different.

You wanted to be the battlefield she was so devoted to. You wanted to be the spear she was with every evening, you wanted to hear the loving prayers she whispered to her spear once she finished her training.

Was it the loving prayers you wanted or the sound of her voice in that sweet tone once again? The tone which held all the adoration the world of war could offer, all the gentleness a child of the fierce battle could provide.

You wished you were special.

"Clarisse, you wanna hang out this evening?" You asked her again the following night.

"Can't," she said after ushering her friends away. Atleast she still valued private conversation.

"Why not?"

"I'm busy,"

"Doing what?"

"Why do you need to know?"

The way she snapped that last sentence, it made something in your heart ache. She knew you hated it when she snapped at you. She knew that you did feel lonely.

She knew it all.

You stared at the ground and sighed softly, "I don't,"

"Exactly," she scoffed. "Stop being so clingy, Y/n."

Clingy? Were you...was this her actual thought? Every time she said she loved it when you spent time with her...was it a lie? A petty lie sold to the naive, lonely Hades kid?

"Sorry," you shrugged, "I'll stop asking," you punctuated your sentence by turning around and walking off.

Why didn't she call back for you?

Why didn't she run after you?

Why weren't you special?

The next week went by the same. She would say she'd show up, she wouldn't, you'd ask, you'd be insulted. Over and over and over again.

One night, after you had spent another evening alone, you took a deep breath in and tapped on her shoulder, stating firmly, "We need to talk, Clarisse."

She was shocked. Shocked by the fact that you used her full name. You never used her full name. Ever.

You felt your palms sweat, your mind race, and your whole body almost seize up with nerves.

"Look, I get that you want glory in the upcoming capture the flag, you want glory at camp, you want glory in some quest or the other," you firmly stated. "But is glory worth more than me?"

A small, amused smile spread over her lips. "Is someone jealous?"

"Don't fucking tease me," you snapped, having had enough. "I'm not jealous, I'm--I'm angry. I hate being angry, but I especially hate being angry at you."

"Me? What did I do?"

An incredulous laugh escaped your lips. "What did--what did you do? How about we focus on what you didn't do?"

"Didn't--? Get to the point!"

"So you don't remember the missed dates, forgotten evenings, times where I wanted to talk but you called me--" You inhaled deeply, keeping yourself from bursting into tears. "You called me clingy or annoying or attention-seeking. I have ignored your shitty treatment for far too long Clarisse!"

Your heart ached as you saw her deadpan expression, her emotionless gaze. You felt your throat close up. You were in the middle of the ocean, salt water filling your lungs, stealing the breath out of them.

"I think you're overthinking it," she shrugged.

The water vanished. Now all that remained was fire. A new fire that coursed through your normally cold veins, that made you see red. It took everything in you not to punch her in the face.

"Really? You said that I was special," you snarled, glaring at her. "You said you'll never leave me alone, you'll never make me believe the bad thoughts in my head, and now I see that it's exactly what you do!"

Her silence is what hurt the most. She wasn't denying it, she wasn't apologising.

"Clarisse, don't you know how I feel? When I try to talk to people, they turn their heads with an awkward smile. When I walk into a room, people stop talking or laughing. When I sit near people they shuffle away, and for what? Because my father is the god of the dead. I'm punished day and night for something that I can't fucking control.

"You were the one who got me. You made me feel wanted, you made me want to wake up and live to see another godsforsaken day! But now..." you looked at the ground. No, you glared at the ground. You couldn't see her face.

"I always emerge victorious in the end," she said, shoving her hands in her pockets.

Gods, you wanted those hands to hold you close and wipe your tears away.

You felt your heart break. "What?"

"I always emerge victorious in the end. Glory is what I live for," she said plainly.

Each word felt like a stab to the gut. Each word cut through you like a knife, like her spear tip cut through the training dummies in the arena.

"Glory matters more than me?" You whispered, looking up at her.

Clarisse felt her heart break at the look in your eyes.

You looked...hollow. Empty, a shell of a person. There was no twinkle in your eye, there wasn't the flash of laughter within them that she always saw. They didn't glow with an aura of love.

Empty. Like every child of the god of the dead would have seemed to be.

"Glory matters more than everything,"

"You said I was your everything,"

"Did you note the past tense, death girl?"

You didn't want to reply. You couldn't. You refused to talk to her after that sentence. Death girl?

If this is what love is, you didn’t want it.

Why did glory matter more to her than you did? You probably would never find out.

You wished you were special.

And you would just have to keep on wishing.

Hi! It’s me, Lea! I hope you liked this imagine, feel free to request <3

#clarisse la rue #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse x reader #x fem!reader #pjo #wlw #gl #dior goodjohn #clarisse la rue x y/n #angst #hurt #no happy ending #slight tw #clarisse pjo #clarisse la rue gif

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