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starrywangxian · 5 months

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it always urks me when i see people saying that wei wuxian was really dumb to not realise that lan wangji was in love with him, and well it is a valid analysis (because there's no right answer here) i do think it's a shallow one. i do understand the appeal and the humour of wei wuxian being the smartest person of his generation but being too stupid to realise when he's in love or when someone is in love with him but i don't really think that's what happened.

i think it's more wei wuxian believing he isn't worthy of love and it's something that you have to earn.

if you think about his upbringing, when he was homeless he was still smiling and kind and never bothered people for food, he waited until it was given to him or would go after the scraps that no one ever ate.

and yi ziyuan really leaned into that fact, telling him he was indispensable and that he was just a pawn to protect jiang cheng and jiang yanli, that this wasn't his family and he was just a servant to them. blaming wei wuxian for everything and punishing him for his achievements instead of celebrating them. wei wuxian constantly felt like he owed the jiangs for taking him in and hence he sacrificed so much for them to 'repay' them.

so when lan wangji clearly shows concern and love for him, wei wuxian explains it away; he thinks that lan wangji is just so noble and kind.

the scene in cql where wei wuxian tries to say that he tricked lan wangji into helping him so that lan wangji's reputation wouldn't be harmed is an example of that. he thinks lan wangji is just kind enough to risk his own reputation to help him but wei wuxian doesn't think he deserves that so once again tries to sacrifice himself to save the ones he loves.

it's also why after their first time, wei wuxian says thank you. because he believes that he's earned lan wangji's attraction and he should be grateful for it. he doesn't consider that it's something lan wangji was giving him freely and willingly just because he loved him and he wanted to.

wangxian's miscommunication comes from lan wangji thinking wei wuxian doesn't love him or that he's just an amusement to him (particularly after their first time) and wei wuxian thinks he's not worthy of love and he doesn't deserve to be happy and in love.

it's a funny gimmick to say that wei wuxian was just too dumb to realise, and i even joke about it when i reread the novel too, but i think there's so much more to pack. with lan wangji too. their characters are so much more than that and their trauma runs very deeply and influences a lot of their actions.

so you're fine to say that wei wuxian is an oblivious dumbass but as long as you realise that that's only really the surface (wei wuxian is an oblivious dumbass yes but he love him for it all the same <3).

#back on my angst shit as promised <3 #but i could write so much about this you have no idea #this book has been my special interest for 4 years #i've had a long time to think about this #and while it is funny to say that wwx is just dumb #it's a very surface level interpretation #mxtx did not put her whole dubussy into writing wwx just to be mischaracterised and misunderstood by the fandom #wei wuxian #cql #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #mdzs #wei ying #starrywangxian #and i don't think you're ready for lan wangji's full character yet #because he is probably the most misunderstood and mischaracterised character out of the lot of them

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liyazaki · 2 years

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honesty as a burden, a blade & abatement

for all his airy irreverence, Aye is incredibly serious about the code of conduct by which he lives his life.

at the core of that code is honesty- it's foundational to who he is as a person. it may have been the character trait he admired most in his uncle, aside from his warmth and kindness. Aye jokes; he's the king of saucy, sarcastic commentary- but he never lies (not to the people who truly matter, anyway).

and it's easy to understand why: Aye strives to honor his uncle's memory in everything he does. he's trying to emulate the man who had such an enormous impact on his self perception- on the entire trajectory of his life.

even the way Aye loves is a bittersweet nod to the man who taught him how to love himself first. when Aye meets Akk's constant rejections with empathy, he's honoring him. when he refuses to take the easy route and go on the defensive, he's honoring him.

Aye always, always takes the higher, harder road- away from the well-worn path, choosing to lean instead into what's tender and true.

that commitment to being so authentic, self-preservation be damned has to feel like a metaphorical blade he's turning on himself at times. I like to think I'd be strong enough to be so emotionally naked and vulnerable, but Aye makes me second-guess that notion.

the pain doesn't stop him, though- Aye's been through hell and back. he's used to carrying great and terrible burdens, and normally he bears up under the incredible weight of them just fine. Aye is enormously and consistently selfless in the thing that matters most: his actions.

but we're different with the people who know us best, aren't we? with the people who raised us, or who have seen us at our worst, our best and love us anyway. they have clear line of sight into what makes us tick, what makes us happy- and what makes us ache.

Aye and his mother clearly have an open, compassionate relationship, from the little glimpses we've gotten. in episode 8, she gently confronts him about leaving this quest for answers about his uncle behind, for his own sake.

she soothes his guilt and fear that they could've done more to save his uncle before asking the terrible, necessary question to her son who's clearly, deeply hurting:

and it's because of his commitment to honesty that we get to witness Aye in a rare moment of awful vulnerability.

he looks gut-punched by her question. Aye knows he excels at understanding the people around him, and anticipating what they'll say and do by proxy. as much as he tries to live as transparently and authentically as he can, he keeps the exhaustion and grief he carries close to the chest.

he didn't see that question coming, or that his mother was aware of how much he's actually hurting; how achingly lonely it is to carry what he carries.

the initial shock wears off, and Aye hangs his head as he struggles to answer. his tiredness has to feel bone-deep and never ending- but he won't lie to his mother, he just won't. I don't think he's sure he can answer "no" honestly.

so he ruminates, and he hesitates. his mother holds her breath and looks horrified, but she gives him time.

and then Khaotung serves a masterclass in micro-expressions as we watch Aye muster up a little of his signature lightness to give her the brave answer: "no. I won't leave you, Mom."

and here's what simultaneously breaks my heart and makes me fall that much more in love with this gorgeously-nuanced character: he's not lying (not in my book, anyway).

we're watching Aye pull from an internal well that's obviously near-dry. he has to be honest, and he has to answer in a way that won't devastate this person he loves so much- so he digs deep and he just does. he finds a way- a spark of the fire that keeps him going.

this is how Aye shows love: by always authentically showing up, always- no matter the cost to himself.

if there's ever been a character deserving of rest, of care, of love given freely without reservation or hesitation- it's Aye.

#the eclipse #the eclipse the series #khaotung thanawat #every knee better be bowing to khaotung on this here frigay #(don't be fooled if this meta sounds put together- i rarely cry in dramas but this scene made me a MESS)#the eclipse meta #tonanons #tosnimeat #userconcrete #mjtag #asiandramanet #asianlgbtqdramas #mor gifs the eclipse

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iris-sistibly · 2 months

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I look like shit right now, but hear me out: Episode 12 drove me NUTS!!!

📍For a moment, Hong Hae-in gave me a heart attack. I really thought that she wanted to spare Hyun-woo the heartache of her not being able to recognize him anymore and just went with Eun-seong. My brain cells weren't brain cell-ing, of course she had other reasons...duh. But it is really terrifying that she has moments when she can't recognize what's real and what isn't. I do however love the part when she knew that she was with the real Hyun-woo. In any scene or in any situation they've been, Hyun-woo radiates that kind of warmth that makes Hae-in feel relieved, secured, and loved. That right there is, "The heart recognizes what the mind can't."

📍I forgot to include this in my last post because I was in a hurry to finish it, but I laud Kim Soo Hyun for doing a great job during the final scene of episode 11. You can instantly recognize that something felt off with the way "Hyun-woo" called Hae-in, like I said earlier, the real Baek Hyun-woo radiates so much warmth, meanwhile the fake Hyun-woo was cold and I can say that he made me feel uncomfortable. What an amazing performance KSH!

📍Hyun-woo and Hae-in using their baby's due date as their pass codes just means that they still think about him/her. 🤧 Oh that baby could have been so loved by them had they been given the chance.

📍Eun-seong's delusion is worsening. When he was confessing all of his bullshit to Hae-in, I was like...so what? So what if he fell for her first? If he kept her necklace all these years, if he had "loved" her all this time? The point is, HAE-IN DOESN'T LOVE HIM AND DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM!

📍All the while, I thought that Eun-seong is a dangerous man. Turns out Mo Seul-hee is far more unhinged than him. You can see in Eun-seong's eyes that he was taken aback when his mother confessed to being the person behind the deaths of the people who abused him as a child. Bitch wasn't kidding when she said that she'd go as far as eliminating Hae-in for using him, and Eun-seong may be dumb but not-so-dumb to not know what Seul-hee is capable of. I still feel like he's going to betray his own mother to save Hae-in by either helping Hyun-woo or helping Hae-in in his own twisted way.

📍BAEKHONG IN THEIR MARRIED COUPLE ERA!!! I love that Hae-in can now freely say what she truly feels about Hyun-woo and the hubs gushing when she said that she'd still marry him in any lifetime.

📍The sunset proposal was the reason why I had to pause because I was bawling my eyes out, I kid you not. Hae-in wanting to be officially Mrs. Hyun-woo again so badly but stopped herself because she knew her condition was worsening and she doesn't want to burden him anymore. She wants to spend the rest of her life with him but it's far from possible, she wants to be the wife Hyun-woo deserves but the future holds no guarantee. She was torn between following what her heart wants and not wanting to rip Hyun-woo apart more than she already has (because of her illness). It was such a heartbreaking scene that's why I was crying so hard.

📍And then, the writer and the director decided to shift the scene to Aunt Beom-ja and (future) new husband, the part when they were looking for (future) new hubby's mother and they were kinda like too close to each other, I was smiling because they looked so cute together so you can imagine that I was smiling from ear to ear with tears still running down my face. Also, I did mention before that Aunt Beom-ja is a more unhinged version of Hae-in, actually...auntie and future new hubby are kinda like the older version of BaekHong, only crazier and more chaotic.

📍Da-hye finally realizing that she sided the wrong people. I'm just glad that she was able to get out safely and return to the Hongs. But I am so proud of Soo-cheol for manning up and defending Da-hye and baby Geon-u, he's really growing up 🥹.

📍But I didn't really expect that Hong Man-dae aka grandpa Hong would make such a huge sacrifice to save his family. He was an idiot for trusting Mo Seul-hee but I never wanted him dead. He didn't even get to see his family before passing (except Hae-in but it wasn't like a happy reunion) which was so fucking tragic. Though, I do hope that Papa Hong would finally have the courage to step-up as the head of the family, he's their pillar now and they need him more than ever.

📍Can we talk about the last clip for a bit? I know the show apparently loves to give us viewers cliffhangers and mind boggling shit but I'm overthinking rn. What if they found nothing in the panic room? Or Yoon Eun-seong found it first? This story is unpredictable, anything could happen, but what I do know is that Hae-in is gonna wear the ring Hyun-woo gave her in the next episode. Iykyk.

📍THE EPILOGUE!!! BaekHong has crossed paths many times already and in those times Hyun-woo has saved Hae-in. They're really meant for each other!!

#kdrama #tvn #netflix #queen of tears #kim soo hyun #kim jiwon #kwak dong yeon #lee joo bin #park sunghoon #baek hyun woo #hong hae in #hong soo cheol #cheon da hye #yoon eun seong #baekhong #my roman empire

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butler-on-beale-street · 2 years

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Caterpillar, Caterpillar | Dad!Elvis X Reader

Warnings: Fluff!

Word Count: 1.4K

Summary: Elvis woke up early this morning and noticed the grass growing far too tall to ignore. Of course he decides to take it into his own hands and handle it on his own...but he needs partner in crime, of course!

It was early in the morning and the sun had just crested the horizon, spraying the earth in a blast of warm light. Moisture was evident in the air, the blades of grass dancing despite being weighed down by a layer of dew. The gargantuan oak trees loomed over Graceland in dignified whimsy, while flocks of birds chattered from within the boughs.

“Now baby,” Elvis said, perched on his John Deere beside his daughter. “They say ya shouldn’t cut grass early in the morning or after it rains, but it’s gettin’ so high that we just gotta take care of it.” Mallory sat beside her father, looking around at the lawn below, watching dragonflies and bees landing on the glistening blades of grass, drinking up the drops of water.

“Daddy,” Mallory asked, her tone pitched high. She swung her head up to her father. “Why isn’t Mr. Bill cutting the grass?” Her eyes were full of innocence, and it was true that Bill Laurie was hired for groundskeeping, but Elvis had given him a month off to be with his family. Little Mallory didn’t know–she was too young to understand–but his wife, Deborah, was diagnosed with terminal cancer in June.

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with hard work, baby girl,” He said, picking his daughter up and placing her on his knee. “Sometimes it’s a good thing to do hard work by yourself and for yourself. Like yesterday when Mama let you make your own peanut butter and banana sandwich. Remember?” He lowered his head, bending to kiss her on the cheek as he spoke. She nodded proudly.

“Mmhmm!” She agreed, sitting up perfectly straight with her hands on her hips. “All by myself!”

Elvis chuckled softly. “I bet it tasted even better than normal, didn’t it?” He asked.

“It was so yummy daddy! Mommy let me put sprinkles on it!” Her pigtails flopped about her face as she shook her head. She giggled freely about nothing and everything at the same time, the sunlight illuminating the hues of color within her hair.

“Sprinkles?” He asked, his eyes widening. “Mama’s spoilin’ you…I won’t be able to keep up soon.” He adjusted his daughter in his lap, and he pushed the seat of the tracker closer to the steering wheel. “Hang on, Sweets.”

Elvis rode the tractor with one hand and held his daughter with the other, taking laps around the yard, most definitely digging deep tire marks into the ground. He rounded the trees slowly, pointing at the squirrels running up and down the trees, foraging for food. He reached to pick up caterpillars, slowly inching along on their journey.

“Ooooh!” Mallory cooed, reaching out her little hand to take the bug from her father.

“Now, now baby.” Elvis said, pulling his hand away from her. “Remember, this is a living animal. It deserves love and kindness too, right?” He said, returning his hand closer to her. She nodded slowly. “Take your little finger and pet the little guy. Softly now.”

He watched as Mallory stuck out her tiny pointer finger, running it gently down the back of the caterpillar as it inched along Elvis’s palm. She let out a high-pitched squeal, kicking and giggling. “Ew! He’s so squishy!” Elvis tightened his grip around his daughter. “I wanna touch him again!” Elvis brought his hand back to his daughter.

“One more time,” He said, allowing Mallory to pet the caterpillar once more. “How about we make a little song?” He asked, turning his head to look at her.

“I like songs, Daddy!” She responded slowly, her attention captivated by the creature in his hand.

“You do?” He asked rhetorically.

“Mmhmm!” She answered, her tone flitting upward at the end.

“Alright,” he said, pulling and adjusting Mallory higher on his knee. “How about something like this,” he said, clearing his throat.

“Caterpillar, caterpillar wigglin on a tree,

Well you’re the cutest bug I ever did see.

If I could, I would carry you in my pocket all day.

But soon you’ll be a butterfly,

And butterflies gotta fly away.”

He sang the tune in an improvised manner, using a familiar rhythm. The words came to him quickly, making him chuckle as he sang them. Mallory couldn’t help but copy her father, her little belly hitching in laughter.

“Try it with me now, baby.” He said in her ear.

“Caterpillar, caterpillar wigglin on a tree,” they began together, singing the song for all to hear as the tractor chugged softly in place. “And butterflies gotta fly away.”

“Daddy. I wanna be a butterfly,” Mallory said, watching Elvis place the tiny critter back on a low-hanging branch.

“So you can fly away from me?” He asked with a wide grin. She shook her head no. “See, I always wanted to fly. Don’t you think that would be fun?” He asked.

She smiled, her head craning toward the morning sky, watching sparrows flit out of the trees. “You could fly with me, Daddy!” She said, crawling her way to turn on Elvis’s knee to look up at him. He looked down at her, his lips pulled in a beautiful smile.

“I’ll always fly with you, Little ‘Lory. Where are we flying to?” He asked.

“Candy Land!” Mallory squealed, covering her face with her hands as she giggled.

“Candy Land? Whatcha want? Some lollipops?” he said, shooting his fingertips out at her little body, tickling her excitedly. She screeched as his hands flitted about her belly, feet, and knees. “Some gummy bears maybe?” He said again, continuing his attack. “I’m gonna eat your toes! Those are candy!” He said, reaching for her foot, pretending to eat her tiny feet.

“Daddy no!” She screamed, pushing her father away as best as she could.

“What are you two monkeys up to?” You asked, stepping into the yard, having heard them from the living room.

“I’m eating Lory's little feets!” Elvis said, bending to place several playful kisses on his daughters feet and legs as she giggled and squirmed.

“No!” She cried out, her hair whipping about her head.

“Mommy wants some too!” You said, stepping beside the stalled tractor. You bent down to your daughter’s level, lifting her shirt to spray raspberries on her belly. Mallory wiggled and kicked, throwing her head back in laughter.

“Baby, mow the lawn later. Can we just watch a movie? We only have two days left with you ‘till you leave for Palm Springs.” You were sure that you sounded whiny, at the same time, you really didn’t care. You wanted to be with your little family and savor the time you had together.

“Sure baby, but why don’t you just come with me? Stay at Ladera.” 1350 Ladera Circle was a beautiful sprawling Palm Springs home that Elvis had purchased two years ago while he was away filming. You loved being there, but you hadn’t prepared to stay this time.

“I haven’t gotten anything together,” You said, picking up mallory and hoisting her up on your hip as she reached out for you. Elvis helped lift her to you.

“That shouldn’t be an issue, baby. I could have you ready to go by tomorrow night and we could all fly out together. Daddy will take care of the house while we’re gone.” Elvis reasoned, turning the tractor off by the key in its ignition.

“You sure we wouldn’t be a distraction?” You asked, bouncing Mallory, who was rolling pieces of your hair around her fingers.

“You know I get lonely quick, Satnin,” Elvis said, standing up out of the tractor seat and hopping off of the machine. “Come with me. Please.” He bent to kiss you lovingly on your lips, rubbing the softness of your cheek with his thumb. “Your eye makeup looks beautiful. Keep it like that,” Elvis added, biting his bottom lip.

“Alrighty Little Lory, How about we fix up a little morning snack?Maybe you can show Daddy how to make one of your famous peanut butter and ‘nanner sandwiches, hm?” He hummed, tugging on her ear softly.

“Okay, Daddy!” She said, turning to bury her face playfully in your shirt.

“Come on, baby. We gotta get packed.” He said, taking your free hand. He leaned down to kiss you.

“You’re gonna leave that in the middle of the yard?” You asked, looking at the tractor.

Elvis shrugged. “Eh, I’ll mow later. I’ve got to take care of my girls first.” You grinned as he walked you back toward the house, Mallory continuing to ask you all sorts of questions about why you haven’t bought her a bunny rabbit or a big ole turtle yet.

“Baby, that’s a whole conversation for another day.”

taglist: @mamaspresley @anestesia-mxm @misspygmypie @austin-butlers-gf @cozacorner @she-is-juniper @shimmeringlights44 @mariposa-mila @austinelvisimagines @sagesolsticewrites @guns-n-queen @anangelwhodidntfall @avengen @suitrry @eurusthewanderer @domaniquessidehoe @kittenlittle24 @softmullet @cb97slut @hunterthecharmer @mirandastuckinthe80s @stargiirl27 @maddieks-blog @kyddosebastian @girlnairb @its-funny-til-its-not @im-just-star-dust @bobbykennedyfan @venus-haze @groovydeputyfestivalkid @hockeyfootballhoe @21bruhs @thebeatlesbitch @dangerdolll @captured-memory @kingelviscreole @adoreyouusugar @slutforblueeyes @theinvisiblecapricorn @ghxst-heart @yagirlalexx @sapph1re @madzandflowerz31 @kaycinema @theloveoftoms @annamarie16 @omgellenlouise @re3kin @feverdawg @cutie-ghost @shynovelist @therealmak @citzeria @fxntxsix @goldobsessionsworld @rheathesimp @madzandflowerz31 @writeroutoftime @bamitzzsam @meladollsims @mslizziesblog

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jimin-is-perfect · 2 months

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I saw something on my newsfeed a little while ago and it's been bugging me for the past 20 minutes...

So, I feel like I need to post something ~

It was speaking about all of the ways that Jimin supports the other member's and what would happen if he had never been a part of BTS.

I'm not critical of the piece, because it's someone's thoughts and everyone's perspective matters, but please realize that this is only your personal opinion on what you see from a public standpoint.

It really was a lovely piece though and I respect the person who wrote the post. It was beautifully put and it's because of that- that I began to think of my own viewpoint as someone who is on the sidelines of all of this.

Things are very different in Asia and a lot of you are choosing to remain to be ignorant to how things really are in the country.

If you love these boy's so much, then you should be interested in learning about its culture, its awareness and other things, like knowing exactly how people like Jimin are treated.

▪︎

Despite how much you love Jimin as the "idol" that he is, his struggles cannot be ignored and yet it seems like people gloss over all of the things he has had to sacrifice and still continues to give- just to be a part of an entertainment group.

While he remains to be inside of a very corrupt and horribly run country.

If Jimin had never been a part of BTS, he wouldn't be anorexic/bulimia, because he wouldn't have tons of toxic people commenting on his weight that try to claim they love him so much.

Jimin would be given the freedom of stepping off of an airplane and not worrying about who could try to trample him by getting too close and being pushed around- while security tries to keep him safe and he wouldn't have to deal with the anxiety that comes with that.

He wouldn't need to walk around with a "disguise" on, so that he could go for a run along the Han river, or go to the store for groceries.

Jimin would be able to be with Jungkook freely and there would be no one who cared enough about their relationship to try and speak on something they will never understand.

He wouldn't have to deal with the constant hate, slander and threats that are focused on his loved ones, just as much as they are on him.

No longer would he be in pain, from forcing his body to do the impossible, so that you could all comment on how amazing his dancing is and he could finally stop getting those injections for his chronic muscle pain.

Jimin wouldn't be forced to comply with all of the ridiculous demands from HYBE and he wouldn't need to be concerned about where his life is headed.

It would be a loss if he was not a part of BTS, but there would also be a lot gained from his absense.

He was born with the birthright of being free and yet he's nothing more than a caged bird, as long as he stays with them and this goes for anyone who is in a kpop group.

They all have their own separate struggles, but essentially, they all have this one thing in common.

Some are immune to it and they are content with what they are given here, but this is not the life that Park Jimin is cut out for.

He is a free spirit and deserves so much more than this...

Sooner or later, the reality of the matter- is that his body will give out on him and considering his eating habits- he will waste away, but it will never be enough for those of you who think it's funny to push him too far.

It will never be enough, not even when he's given all that he possibly can, because you expect the impossible from a man who has given you nothing but his blood, sweat and tears for well over a decade now and yet you STILL want more.

And that's the worst part of it all, because Jimin is the kind of man that will give everything, even once he's stripped of his own strength and no longer able to do anything.

#bts #bts army #bts jimin #jimin #jimin bangtan #jimin bts #jimin icons #jimin is beautiful #jimin park #jiminie #jimin gifs #park jimin #bts park jimin #jimin pics #bts pics #bts photos #bts bangtan boys #bts gifs #jimin of bts

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themoonunderstoodmydadjokes · 8 days

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A mess of thoughts in no particular order because I'm having a bad brain night 🫠 and this is the outlet I've chosen to vent 🫣.....

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who ever feels like there are things so incredibly wrong with them that it makes me beyond redemption. That I'm going to be doomed to always being some half version of myself in order to maintain any sort of connection and not be completely alone.

It's beyond exhausting to walk around with a brain that constantly feels like it's on fire. Always feeling like I have to constantly throw water on it or else its going to explode and hurt everyone and everything around me.

I have this constant fear that I'm only accepted and wanted when I'm exactly what someone wants me to be, but the minute I step outside of that box I'm tossed for someone or something else. And it's this constant teeter-totter of do I just be myself, even the really unsavory, hard to swallow, ugly but very human parts of myself and risk being alone all of the time or do I mask and be what people want and only ever be half loved and accepted? Both feel like painful realities.

I feel like people always get really excited about me upon first meeting me, because I'm very good at being fun and real and I make people feel good about themselves. And it never fails to foster this idea of me that gets projected onto me and then when I'm not that, people get disappointed and make me feel bad for not living up to their fantasy of me. (This has happened so many times in real life that I've lost count at this point)

I can't ever tell people how I'm really doing because I don't know how to tell someone "oh ya know, just exhausted from having to tell myself everyday that staying is worth it" what are they supposed to do with that? And anytime I am honest on the very rare occasion I end up downplaying how I'm feeling or comforting the other person instead of being comforted.

I just want the privilege of being a complete and total mess in front of someone and know that it's safe and okay to do so, and that I'm still going to be loved and not abandoned afterwards. I always find myself being that safe space for others, but then when I try to ask for or seek the same support, I'm demonized for it, told that I'm too much, that I'm asking for too much, that simply put I'm not allowed to ask for that support.

I sometimes (all the time) don't feel like people actually want to get to know me beyond what they want from me. I'm terrified that no one is or ever will be curious about me just for the sake of wanting to know me intimately.

I often feel like the only way I can be pretty is through sex. I get jealous of my friends who are conventionally pretty and how society rewards them for that and all they have to do is exist ( and I know that sounds terrible to say and I'm not putting that on them at all, society is the one that's fucked) but I often feel like the only time I can be seen as pretty is if I take my clothes off. And I often play into that to get some sort of twisted validation.

I am terrified that I will always be something and anything for everyone else but myself. No matter how much work I do to remind myself that I deserve to put my energy towards myself and what matters to me too. I fear that I'll always fall back into showing up for people in the ways that I would want someone to do for me and still never being reciprocated or overextending myself for someone else's sake.

I have such a hard time accepting that someone wants to be kind to me just because they can and they see something in me that is worth extending that kindness to. I always end up feeling like I somehow have to earn it or that I need to repay the kindness in order for it to feel right. Something about growing up in a household where love was transactional and always about keeping score. Love and kindness given freely makes me feel as if I did something wrong and it's so exhausting. I just want to be able to rest in love and kindness when it's offered, not question what's behind it and if it will be taken away if I'm not constantly doing something to earn it.

I genuinely hate being hyper independent. All it's ever gotten me is "oh you handle things so well" and constantly left to my own devices even when I'm struggling because I present myself as so put together and as if I don't have any needs and people don't check in as often when you're hyper independent. That whole poem about not being called resilient and when they say "I want support, I want softness, i want ease. I want to be amongst kin. Not patted on the back for how well I take a hit. Or for how many." GOD I wanna scream that at some people when they tell me "but you're handling it so well. I don't know what I would've done if I was in your shoes" as if I'm not constantly falling apart on the inside, trying with everything in me to not bleed all over anyone who gets too close. Because what other option is there other than to be resilient? I've never known anything else.

I often feel like the only way anyone ever sees how much I struggle is when I'm in crisis. And I hate feeling like I have to be in crisis for anyone to notice that I'm not okay.

Even writing all of this, all I could think of was "how am I going to be perceived if anyone reads this?" "How many people are going to think I'm insane or that I'm just dramatic or that I'm too much?"

I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm tired of feeling like I wanna crawl outside of myself all the time. I'm exhausted by myself and I can't help but project that onto everyone around me, always believing that they too are exhausted with who I am.

#mine #text post #this is a lot #but sometimes I just need it to exist outside of my brain or I'll go insane #if you read any of this thank you and if you don't that's okay too

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ssentimentals · 2 years

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dating jun feels like...

making your favorite tea at the end of the long day. junhui is your comfort person, the one whose arms feel like home, the one you want to run to when world comes crashing down, the one with who you feel safe. he reminds you that the real strength is in kindness and that being gentle does not equal to being weak; it takes a very strong person to continue being kind in this world.

('sometimes i wish i could be mean or evil,' you mutter, cradled on his lap with his arms wrapped securely around you. 'why do i care so much about not hurting others?'

junhui kisses your forehead and mumbles a sleepy: 'cause you are you. and i love this about you.' you turn your head a little to him and he kisses tip of your nose too. 'kindness is a superpower, remember?')

jun's love is gentle, very much like he is; his love feels like a warm hug that you don't want to break, like a nice walk in the park on a sunny day when you can hear the birds chirping. his love envelops you in an affection that you haven't know before, the one where all attention and care is given freely without you having to ask for it. he looks at you like you hold stars in your eyes, he holds you like you are the finest china, he treats you like you a princess - all because you truly are all that for him.

('what on earth..' you mumble, staring at the list. jun is standing next to you, nervous and excited at the same time. you look at him, baffled. 'jun, what is this?'

'you must simply pick a number from the list,' he answers, hugging you. he then points on many envelops, scattered around the table: 'and then you pick the envelope with the same number, open it and you'll receive your present!' he excitedly moves around you, clapping like a little kid. 'it's ten days before your birthday, so ten envelopes. you'll open one each day!'

you take a deep breath, trying your hardest not to cry. the amount of thought jun puts into things like that, the amount of effort he shows to make you happy - it's all overwhelming. he hugs you again, somehow understanding your emotions. 'you deserve only the best,' he whispers, caressing your back. 'i wish i could give you more, but for now that's all. i love you. so much.')

he is a perfectionist, so dates with him are planned meticulously, everything single activity is picked after a thorough check if it'll suit you both and if it'll make you happy. ironically enough junhui doesn't have to try to woo you: he does it unintentionally, all comes out naturally because he's a true romantic at heart ('hundred roses for you all hundred days you made me happy, my dear').

he's the type to write down his feelings and tuck that letter under your pillow, because words come easier to him when he doesn't have to say them out loud. his affection runs deep and he is selfless; naturally, he puts your needs above his own.

('don't do that ever again,' you say sternly, frowning. jun doesn't reply, head hung low in shame. 'it's not just about me, jun. if you don't feel up for something, if you don't feel good you should say it. you shouldn't do something just because i want it! i care for you as much as you do for me!'

he nods, sighing in frustration. 'i just saw your excitement and didn't want to disappoint you by rejecting.' he looks up and takes your hand in his, serious. 'i'm sorry. i won't do that again.'

'i want you to be happy too,' you mumble and he nods, pulling you closer. 'your happiness matters to me, just like mine to you.')

he is gentle in his kisses, in his touches, in his words - the last thing he wants is to offend you in some sort of way. he is quiet 'you look wonderful tonight' spoken to your ear, he is a butterfly kiss left on your cheek, he is a longing look sent to you across the room, he is a steady hand in yours, always.

dating junhui is like wearing your favorite well-worn clothes, the ones that are super soft and have many fond memories. he makes you feel comfortable in any situation, takes care of you in the best way possible and opens your heart up to him with his kindness, showing you what love can and should feel like.

a/n: last one of these series!! guys, i did it, i finished for all the members wheeew! here is the link to all others, let me know what you think! - nini

tag list: @pearlygraysky @woozionascooter @smalliechelle @jaetaimjadore @yeow6n (let me know if you want to be added!)

#junhui imagines #wen junhui #seventeen au #seventeen fluff #seventeen jun #moon junhui #svt junhui #junhui fluff #svt jun #jun x reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen reaction #my gentlest! kindest! boy!#finally wrote one for him as well #hope i did him justice

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bonny-kookoo · 1 year

Note

my gif proposition 🤞🏻👀

Jimin does not get enough love in this household and I'm not gonna have it.

---

Tags/Warnings: Royalty AU, infiltrator?Jimin, Maid!Reader, imprisonment, implied murder, arson, I blame my writing-playlist for giving me this idea

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The cold floor of the prison below isn't what you'd hoped yourself to be found in tonight. But even so, there's no way you could've let them treat the poor stable boy like that just for an accident. You know Jungkook. He always puts his everything into any task he's given- he didn't deserve any punishment.

So instead, you went down the pit for him.

It's fine.

You've not been happy anyway. In this kingdom, there is no romance novel worthy love blooming, no prince that's kind, no heroes that save life's. It's the cruel reality of money and wealth placing them who own such things above the weaker, nothing else. You're not a heroine either. You're probably just stupid.

But it's okay. You've saved people prior to this - the royal advisor, a man who doesnt belong here either, for example, from being poisoned. You'd been punished for that, too, as you'd spilled his wine all over the table. There had never been a thank you or an apology directed at you - even after it was revealed that the wine had indeed been tampered with.

You know why this happens. It's because you refuse to be the king's amusement.

You've chosen this for yourself, chose faithfulness over a man long left behind in the land deep up inside the mountains where the snow never seems to melt and the horses still running freely, ready to be tamed. You can't forget him, even after all these years and even after realizing, deep down, that you'll never go home. It's alright - there's nothing you regret. "Huh." A guard says, walking back to where you sit. "Seems like the stable boy vanished. Ran off, that rat, and took one of the horses, too." The old man chuckles. "You saved him just for that?"

You don't answer. Internally, you're happy about it. Jungkook is a very able young man, taken from his mother at a young age, from far away, too, where the waves crash against the edge of the world, it seems. He will be fine on his own, away from the castle walls.

Maybe he will get to go home. See his mother and fish again with his father.

You're busy braiding the pieces of straw into something you're not sure of, when you notice smoke rolling over the ground. The blue-ish waves seem almost hypnotic in their act of curling over the floor like water that's not bound to gravity- it makes you quiet, doesn't let you call out in fear.

You don't have to. The guards are all suddenly running off, leaving every prisoner by themselves in their panic.

Standing up you can see a glimpse of the hallway far away- orange glow signaling a fire, panic now growing outside of the underground levels you're kept in. You don't want to die this slowly, painfully. You don't want to die in general.

A man walks into the prisons, a damp rag pressed to his face as he looks around, opening all the iron cages as the prisoners all flee. "What happened?!" One asks in a hurry.

"Run. Don't look back. Tell the world the king is dead." The man says, and you're almost sure you know exactly who he is.

As soon as he finds yours, your eyes widen. It is him.

Park Jimin. Royal advisor.

He says nothing when he opens the bars, just looks at you until his eyes soften, his lips curl upwards, and his arms open. You fall into them, hold him tightly, close, because that's what you haven't been allowed for so long now. "What did you do?" You ask quietly into his chest.

He feels like home.

"I gave you my word when they took you here." He tells you, before taking your hand and running out of the lower levels and through already burning hallways, until you're both in the massive courtyard, castle lit aflame.

You can't help but stop and stare.

"I told you I'd burn it all down if I had to." He explains. "I told you I'm gonna get you back and change all of this."

"The King is dead?" You ask, quietly so as a large window breaks from the heat.

"The king was never one to begin with." Jimin darkly answers, before a horse catches your attention.

The same Jimin came here with years ago. The same Jungkook had nurtured fondly the entire time. The same kind that runs with veins full of freedom through the mountains back home. The same that will take you back to your freedom now.

Back to your home, with the only hero, this story will never reveal to those who will read about this in history books one day.

But its fine.

You know that he exists.

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#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #park jimin imagine #jimin imagine #jimin x reader

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annoyinglandmagazine · 1 year

Text

Elrond and Gil Galad before the fall of Eregion

This piece makes a bit more sense if you’ve read my Headcanons about Elrond and Celebrimbor’s relationship. You absolutely don’t have to to understand it it just provides some context.

‘Are you sure this is a good idea?’ Gil Galad pleaded as Elrond grabbed his armour. ‘You said yourself you have a bad feeling about all this, you know you’re rarely wrong when it comes to this sort of thing.’ Elrond began to strap on his breastplate as he replied with a tone that Gil Galad knew meant he would not be persuaded.

‘I have to go. Tyelpe’s safety depends on it. I will not let him die, he’s some of the last family I have left on these shores.’ Gil Galad spoke more quietly here ‘but what about Celebrimbor. I saw you when you came back from Eregion the last time I hadn’t seen you so upset in many years. The things he said to you- and banishing you! His own kin who was only trying to help him! He’s not himself and I’m not sure if going back there is a good idea. I don’t want to see you get hurt if your efforts to reach out are rejected again.’

‘I care about him still. You’re right he was not himself but the person he was is not dead. I love him, as my own blood, and will still do all I can to help him.’ Elrond spoke this as if it was an obvious statement of fact. Why wouldn’t he still love a cousin whose comments on his mental state had left him in tears?

‘You forgive far too easily. And give your love too freely even at times when people are not deserving of it and cannot see its great value. It’s hurt you before and it will continue to. You have a right to anger and in many situations it is a much healthier response.’ This was an issue that had come up many times before between them, though normally in relation to a certain minstrel. And it still upset Gil Galad to think that someone so kind who deserved all the love and happiness in the world would continue being hurt and abandoned by the people who he attached himself to. The people who should have been protecting him.

‘I know that I have a right to anger. I have a right to anger over a lot of things. I could be angry at Eärendil for leaving us. I could be angry at the Feanorians for the kinslaying. I could be angry at my mother for leaving us to die in that kinslaying. But I’ve seen enough anger already and I’ve seen what it does to people and the people around them. So if I can focus on seeing the good in the people who didn’t deserve what happened to them anymore than I did, why shouldn’t I? I can choose to be bitter over what pain was inflicted on me or I can choose to return what kindness I was given, even if it is small in comparison. Because kindness is far more needed than anger and I choose to give it to those who wouldn’t receive it from anyone else. So if I can find it in myself to forgive I will. Isn’t that a beautiful thing?’

And Elrond had tears in his eyes as he looked imploringly at Gil Galad as if he needed him to understand. Gil Galad wasn’t sure he could quite. He could only look in wonder at the person before him. How one could hold so much love for others despite receiving so little from the world made no sense to him. The next time he spoke he realised he had tears in his eyes as well.

‘Please don’t die. I couldn’t bare to see you gone. You are the most incredible person I have ever met. And I am more sure than ever that this world never deserved you. I know I don’t. But please don’t leave me.’

‘I will not die, you need not worry.’ But this was not said reassuringly, more with a certainty and melancholy that Gil Galad had come to associate with Elrond’s foresight. He was telling the truth but it was not wholly a good thing. Then Elrond jested, albeit through his tears ‘I’m made of sturdy stuff, you know, part Maia and all that!’

Gil Galad leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together, both their cheeks now thoroughly wet with tears. He pressed his lips tenderly to Elrond’s brow and watched as he turned to leave.

#Silmarillion #tolkien #i know I’ve posted a lot about their friendship #I just really love the dynamic!#elrond peredhel #gil galad #Elrond and Gil-Galad #Celebrimbor #angst #kidnap fam #elrond is really too good for this world

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tender1 · 25 days

Text

lying is second nature to alison, as is manipulation. her ability to navigate people and natural instinct to keep them positioned in a way that feels safe to her is a critical part of her that will never entirely go away. it's what she knows, it's how she lives, breathes. she doesn't actually know anything else. it isn't that alison operates with complete malice all the time, it's that nothing else has ever been modeled for her, she doesn’t really know or understand anything else.

i do believe alison is capable of genuine care and selflessness - but she’s also never really seen what either of these look like or ever seen anyone loved or cared for in any kind of healthy capacity. after her time on the run, alison does feel remorse for her actions, and i do believe there is a genuine desire to change. moreover, she wants love and loyalty that comes freely rather than being produced from fear and control. but controlling and manipulating people has been alison’s way of survival for years, the only way she’s ever known to have her needs met. she doesn’t feel comfortable with honesty or vulnerability and would sooner spin an elaborate tragic tale than stand in her own very real tragedy that exists hoping for sympathy or care. both these things are true and coexist.

this complexity is something i find really interesting to explore and is a big focus for me when writing later seasons alison. alison isn’t easy to love or care for. frankly, it’s very frustrating and often thankless work. she’ll lie when she doesn’t need to because it feels safer than telling the truth. she easily grows jealous and paranoid and threatened and will look for opportunities to test your loyalty even when you’ve proven it ten times over. she’ll evade responsibility and manipulate relationships around her so she remains the focus. when she doesn’t feel like overt attempts to control a situation will work, she’ll victimize herself to gain sympathy rather than admitting true vulnerability. she’ll go to many lengths to reel people back in and keep them close to her in any way possible. she invents stories and defaults to her worst instincts too much of the time. she behaves very much like the scared and desperate person she is, even when she’s been given every reason to believe she’s safe. she’s never safe, she doesn’t know what that is.

she’s also charismatic and alluring and funny and disarmingly smart. she’s capable of genuine love and empathy for other people. she wants love and family and wants to be deserving of it AND she goes about it in all the wrong ways. all of these layers are there and true and very much a part of her and exist simultaneously and work against each other often. she’s her own worst enemy. and loving her is indeed, very rotten work. i can’t really advise anyone do it. but it’s fun for me if you try :~)

#of the minority that was so relieved by emison’s divorce in the perfectionists because.. YEAH!#they had so much work to do. alison has sooo much work to do #ali will never be this sweet good character and… that’s okay ❤️ she doesn’t need to be she can be real and human and flawed instead ❤️#out.#you didn't even know me when you knew me.#meta: alison.#meta.

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missmonkeymode · 10 months

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Imagine being a child in a home that doesn't love you. Of course, people DID love you, but the first person that did died during your creation and the second person that loved you died and left you in the care of someone whos supposed to care but doesnt, and 2 children that should care but don't. You love them, oh so dearly, you love them with all your heart just as your father asked of you to do. And they steal that kindness and lord it over your head for something that should be freely given. If you really love me, youd cook me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If you really loved me, youd do the dishes and wash my clothes. If you really love me, youd clean the cinders of fireplace. Whatever they ask of you, you do it, because it is true, you do love them you promise, you'll do it right away. When you ask for help, they chide you and ask if you really do love them, because if you did you wouldn't ask them to help, you'd be able to do it all on your own. And so you do it all on your own. Because you love them. You never hear them say I love you back. You're waiting for a "thank you" that never comes, but you don’t know that, you just hope that this time they'll say it.

Now imagine yourself older. Not a child, not a teenager, but decidedly not an adult either. In between stages. You do everything that is asked of you. They stopped saying "you'd do this if you loved me" because it is assumed that they said it, and it is true that you do. As they get fuller and happier, you seem to get skinnier and..... No, of course you're happy, you love your sister and stepmother, that's all you need. They tell you that's all you need. Not food, not new clothes, just their love. And you tell yourself that, all you need is their love, but love doesn't stop your stomach from growling. But it does help you scathe off your hunger.

There's a ball that's going all, a ball that the entire kingdom is invited to. In fact, the king WANTS everyone to come to. The reason why falls deaf to your ears, just the mere prospect of putting on fine clothes and leaving this house, only for a moment, makes your insides shake and your head buzz. You spend every waking moment thinking about this ball, saving up pennies and cents to buy the cheapest dress that the tailor offers, counting down the days until you can dance until you can't feel your feet. Your sisters are just as excited as you are, the chance to meet the batchelor prince and seduce him so thoroughly that she would make him marry a commonor is all that they talk about, and you listen to their talk. You aren't quite sure why that's the only thing they're excited for, but you don’t question them because you love them, obviously. Your step mother tells you to run around the town and buy the most expensive dresses that money can buy. She does not give you enough to buy 3 dresses, so you have to use some of your own money to get all 3. Thankfully the store gave you enough credit for you to afford your own dress, a simple plain thing that’s only slightly too big for you, and you ride this happy high all the way home.

The night of the ball comes. You help your sisters and step mother get into their gowns. They give you barely enough time to shimmy into your own, it's almost like they forgot you're coming with them.

They did forget. In fact, they were incredibly shocked when you emerged from the restroom in your dress. And extremely angry. They shout at you, demand to know what you were thinking. You? Going to to the ball? In fucking that?! Please. What nonsense. Someone like you doesn't deserve to go to the ball. Someone like you shouldn't be anywhere near the ball. If you really loved us, you simply wouldn't go.

You watch them leave, tears streaming down your face as you stand on their porch. You were looking forward to this dance.

You go to your mothers grave. Your blood mother, not the one that yelled at you. You cry at her grave, big, sobbing tears that dance over sacred ground. You tell her that you want to go to the ball, desperately. That you want to go, it's your greatest desire, but you can't, you just can't.

A voice on the wind tells you that you dont have to be "you" to go to the ball.

You look around and don't see anyone. You ask how.

The voice responds that you can be anything you want. You can be a Dani, a Alex, a lord, a lady, you can simply choose to be someone else for the night, not the child that your stepmother forbade from going to the ball.

You feel yourself shake. You ask, no demanded, no pleaded how. How can you change, how can you go to the ball?

The voice tells you that all you need to do is ask her to go.

And so you ask her. And the voice tells you that yes, Lady Isabelle can go to the ball, with her one of a kind dress, and a beautiful horse-drawn carriage, and wonderful glass slippers. But, she will only be at the ball until midnight. Do you understand?

And you do. Lady Isabelle understands. And do, Lady Isabelle goes to the ball.

The moment you arrive to the ball, you immediately know its everything you wished for and more. Food that makes you want to eat forever, bright blinding lights that make you forget to blink, music that seems to sweep you onto the dance floor, if you didn't accidentally trip into a very heavy statue you wouldn be sure that you were dreaming.

While you were busy trying to upright the aforementioned very heavy statue, a man walks up to you and asks if you're okay. You assure him that you're okay, you promise, just kinda hurts. He furrows his brow and asks if you're sure you're okay, he can get a doctor if you need one. You laugh, tell him yes, you're sure, but thank you for your consideration.

You and the other strike up a wonderful conversation that seems to go on for aeons. The two of you talk about everything and nothing, about your childhoods and the ball. You admit you have zero idea what this ball is about, and he is utterly baffled by that fact (not as baffled as when you asked him for his name). He tells you his darkest secrets (that he doesn't really like his current profession, and he'd much rather be a gardener). You laugh until you cry (you never knew you could be so happy that you can cry). He then asks you if you want to dance with him. He thanks you when you agree.

He leads you to the middle of the room, twlling you to ignore the whispers you two are getting. You tell him it's hard to ignore being the center of attention, and he shrugs and tells you that you get used to it. Once you get to the middle of the ball room, an announcer tells the crowd that the crown prince has chosen to dance with Lady Isabelle. It takes you a moment to connect the dots. You ask him why didn't he tell you that he's the prince?! He looks sheepish when he tells you that he didn't mean to bamboozle you, he promise, he just... it was a breath of fresh air to find someone that saw him for who he is and not what he was. You immediately forgive him.

You spend hours after that with the prince. Most of it was spent talking and dancing, though when the two of you got tired, Edward (that was the prince's name) would lead you to a hidden room. In one of these hidden rooms, he gives you a look that you've never seen before. He says that he thinks he's in love with you. You smile and wait for a request.

It suddenly dawns on you that he has no request. You ask him if that's all? You just... you think you love me?

He shrugs and says yeah. He thought... Did he misinterpret the signals? It's fine if you don't love him, really, saying it out loud it really does sound insane, to have fallen in love with someone you've known for a few hours, but he's sure he has, and oh god, he sounds like a creep, doesn't he?

You shake your head. No, it's not that, just... you don't want anything from me? Not a errand, not a demand, nothing? You just love me?

He nods.

Why does he say he loves you if he doesn't want anything?

The bell tower strikes 12 times. Lady Isabelle leaves the ball in a hurry, so much so that she doesn't realize she lost her glass heel.

Right as you finish shoving the last fold of your dress up the chimney, your stepmother and sisters come in. They loudly complain about how the prince was too preoccupied with some hussy for her daughter(s) to even talk with him, more or less seduce him. They tell you to help them undress, and they didn't thank you. Not once have they thanked you. You stop wishing for thank yous.

Once Edward discovers that "Lady Isabelle" isn't a legally documented person, he sends out the royal guard to find a woman that even vaguely matches the hazy description he tells them. They find many women, but not you. You've been too busy tending to your stepmothers house to be found. After a month, Edward starts to get desperate. He finds your shoe and starts traveling door to door, looking for the matching pair. Most just point to the fact that it fits their feet as proof she was Lady Isabelle. He never gets mad, but he does get frustrated, from time to time, on his bad days. He has eyes, ma'am, he can tell that you're not Lady Isabelle, though he does appreciate her romantic interest in him.

When Edward comes by your stepmothers house, the other three was in a tizzy. The prince is here, the prince is here! What are you DOING child, go start tidying up! Sweep the floors, dust the bookshelf, and for the love of god, make sure that we're using our finest china!

As the three hastily change into their best clothes, putting on their brightest smile, you ask them if you should get changed as well, since you're still wearing your day to day rags.

Your stepmother laughs. Wear what? That silly little thing that you were planning on wearing to the ball? Nonsense, he’s the prince after all, he only deserves the best! And you simply can't be the best that we have to offer. No go be a dear and go to the kitchen, prepare some tea for us.

You ask her if she loves you.

She has better things to worry about than affection, boy. If you really loved us, you would go make us some tea. Don't leave the prince waiting.

Why was your stepmother shocked when you walked into the room, wearing your simple plain dress, now covered in cinders as you hold your glass slipper in your hands?

Your stepmother tries her best to keep Edward's attention away from you, so does the other two, but it was too late. He saw what he needed to see.

He cries out "Lady Isabelle!" and embraces you, almost making you drop your very precious shoe. He's so, so, so incredibly happy to see you. Overjoyed, if you may. He gets a good, long look at you and smiles.

He admits that you look a bit different now that he can see you in proper lighting. Got your nose wrong. You tell him that he speaks for himself, he looks different as well. Shorter. He tells you that he was wearing heeled shoes, some silly tactic that his mother thought would 'make him more desirable to the ladies'.

He tells you that he's extending a invitation for you to join him at the castle, you and your family. You.... don't have to date him or anything, he just wants to get to know you better. What he said during the ball was true, his love for you hasn't changed, but he understands that you might not feel the same. He only wishes to try and keep an open mind, let him try. If it doesn't work out, that's okay, we can be friends and he will be 100% okay with that, but would you consider it please?

You look back to your "family". Your "home". Home is where the heart is, but you never really had a heart here. You had love, sure, but not a heart. Definitely not a heart.

You tell Edward that you'll accept his offer, but he doesn't need to extend his gift to the whole "family". You'll graciously take this invitation by yourself.

"Alright then Isabelle, right this way."

"Actually Edward, I'd rather you call me Ella, please."

Imagine being a child in a home that doesn't love you. You tried to, desperately tried to, but it hated you more whenever you tried harder to love it. Imagine spending so long in a home that hated you, when you DID find someone that loved you, you forsake everything you once knew for someplace new.

Ella will soon come to learn that you do not need to try to be loved. People will love you, tea or no tea. And she will soon come to know that her love will not be wasted on Edward, for all the years to come.

#sometimes. you go crazy and write a short story #ask to tag #edit: did not edit this like. at all. sorry if it makes no sense

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 2 years

Note

ace ruggie azul jamil for the character bingo! if four is too much, just ace ruggie and azul is fine!

Character Opinion Bingo for Azul here!

Character Opinion Bingo for Ruggie here!

***Standard disclaimer: These are just my personal opinions of the character(s); regardless of what I may think of them, sharing my thoughts is NOT meant to offend or to shame anyone that thinks differently.***

HEY IT’S J WORD

... Oh, wrong J word 😔 IT’S OKAY, I LIKE JAMIL TOO

I’m going to be real with you, I’ve got a thing for butler/bodyguard characters, and since Jamil is presented as Kalim’s caretaker (kind of like a butler) AND Jamil is professionally trained as a bodyguard (confirmed in episode 6), he checks off a lot of boxes for me. I actually feel kind of guilty for liking Jamil because of those attributes though, since he has stated that he dislikes his position in life 💦 I do like other aspects of Jamil, though! It’s just the butler/bodyguard vibes that initially drew me to him, along with his appearance. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a character with a hairstyle as intricate as Jamil’s??????? But it’s really pleasing to look at (and probably really pleasing to listen to, like just imagine all the little hair ornaments clinking or jingling as he walks)! His eyes are also interesting; they look kind of blank at first glance, but upon further inspection I kind of understand what Leona meant when he said Jamil has eyes that “always glare”.

I think the best thing about Jamil is how... understated he is? He has a resting bitch face, and he acts so unassuming, but when he’s given a chance to speak from the heart, he can be petty and passive aggressive 🤣 which I think is a real treat! As I mentioned in my character opinion bingo for Vil, I love characters who operate under the radar or scheme in the shadows, and Jamil definitely does so it shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that I like him. Jamil also gives off those intense “tired mom”, “disappointed but not surprised”, and “I’m so done with this shit” energy, which I find extremely relatable. I feel bad for him when I see him suffering (because I know I would also be exasperated if I were in his shoes), but at the same time I have a sadistic part of me that wants to giggle, thankful that I’m not him right now. If I stop pointing and laughing at Jamil for a second, I’m happy that he finally has a little more wiggle room to act freely; the poor man’s been through a lot and he REALLY deserves a vacation and some freedom.

I think Jamil plays off of other characters so well, particularly when he’s being petty with them or is fed up with playing babysitter. One of my favorite character dynamics is Jamil and Azul; Azul’s eagerness to befriend and/or recruit Jamil to his dorm and Jamil vehemently resisting and firing back… I find it funny in a dry kind of way.

Weirdly enough, I don’t enjoy Jamil as much when he goes unhinged because he makes uncomfortable and unflattering facial expressions when he does ashdbaosydasdsd ALSO, LIKE. I don’t know if this is just me, but Jamil’s brand of “evil” feels like he’s trying too hard????? So it ends up coming across to me as more pathetic than how Jamil wants it to be perceived... especially when he laughs like that and has extended monologues about how great he is and how he has finally succeeded with his plans. It feels like I’m watching a Saturday morning cartoon where the villain is making their speech about how it’s too late to stop them RIGHT BEFORE THE HEROES CRASH IN AND STOP THEM. I’m also not a fan of his Overblot design, especially the weird hair-snake turban and the ink goatee thing??????????? THAT’S SO UGLY AND JAMIL DESERVED BETTER 😭

I think Jamil gets it kind of bad when it comes to fandom takes. I don’t believe I’ve seen anything that outright paints him as a “bad” person completely in the wrong after the events of episode 4, but I get the distinct impression that people oversimplify Jamil’s issues. “Oh, Kalim can just set him free when he succeeds the Asim family”/”Kalim can talk to his dad about it”, as if it’s just as easy to do as Aladdin wishing the Genie free. Kalim himself acts like it’s something can be easily done. It’s not, and to believe that it is as Kalim does demonstrates a sense of naivety. The fact of the matter is that this is something that extends far beyond what Kalim or Jamil can do individually to resolve it; it’s not a problem between just them, but between them and the systems that their families have become so accustomed to. You cannot just shatter or overturn a generations-long relationship just like that, which is exactly why Jamil is forced into a position where he HAS to continue serving under Kalim post-episode 4. Believing that it’s so simple undermines Jamil’s struggles and paints him as someone who was overreacting to a problem that could “easily” be resolved. I think a large part of this ideation comes from EN’s intentional censorship of how dire Jamil’s situation is 💦 which is a shame, as that really undercuts his motivations and how desperate he is… (EN makes Jamil and Kalim “employee” and “employer” not “servant” and “master”. Additionally, EN removes Jamil’s lines about his whole family will be thrown out on the streets if he defies the Asims.)

Another common take I see about Jamil is that he apparently hates Kalim and Kalim specifically (especially seeing as Jamil goes off on a rant post-OB about how much he despises Kalim’s smile and having to serve him). I believe it’s true to some extent, but that it’s also not the entirety of the picture. Why does Jamil hate Kalim? Because he’s forced to work for him? No, what Jamil truly hates is what Kalim stands for, the people who happen to be born in higher social statuses and are ignorant to the struggles of the people below them. He just happens to project his anger at Kalim in particular because he’s an easy target and someone he’s always with. “As long as [Kalim] exists, I will never be free,” Jamil says. Why? If Kalim dies, won’t Jamil just be relegated to serving the rest of the VERY extensive Asim family? Therefore, literally being rid of Kalim and Kalim alone would do nothing to alleviate Jamil’s distress. This leads me to believe “Kalim” in that line is metaphorical and refers to the establishments that Jamil hates, the thing that Kalim represents, rather than Kalim himself.

In episode 6, Jamil demonstrates holding similar vitriol for other people, such as Leona, and expresses disdain toward others and feels as though he cannot trust anyone at all to be competent. He directs a lot of hate to the people around him, but often just keeps it to himself to maintain a veneer of politeness... and I don’t think that’s healthy for him 😔 Good on Leona for talking some sense into him-- Jamil could literally be so powerful if he wasn’t busy blaming others for his own complicated emotions and being held back by his own ego.

I’ve already mentioned that I relate to Jamil a lot in terms of his energy, but even more than just that, I relate to Jamil in terms of his struggle against a society that doesn’t understand or find value in his desire to be free. I’m not going to go into too much detail about my own issue, but I know what Jamil is feeling and how difficult those feelings can be. I know what it’s like to feel helpless and like nothing can be done to help myself when it seems like the whole world and all of its systems were designed to work against you... but I also have way too much pride and too little trust in others to speak openly about it. Maybe I’m thinking way too hard about this or maybe I’m just projecting way too strongly, but Jamil is so much like me that it hurts 😭 I want to break free too, Jamil... I get you, my dude. LET’S BE FRIENDS--

I’m very split on Ace. On one hand, I don’t tend to like immature characters (which, let’s be honest, Ace is), but on the other hand, he has a kind of charm to his brattiness. His bright personality touched with mischief is refreshing, and I particularly adore the voice impressions he does of other characters (they’re really cute!)~ ... But at the same time, I really cannot stand it when Ace talks for too long, because he inevitably ends up doing or saying something to make me regret ever thinking he was cute to begin with (like when he dodges responsibility or blames other people for his fuck-ups). I also do not care for his selfish side or when he speaks without a filter; he needs to watch what he says a little better, because it constantly nets him trouble and makes me facepalm.

I guess I would liken Ace to a little brother? Like, he constantly gets on my nerves, but I end up forgiving him sooner or later because he’ll do something cute or say something snarky that temporarily redeems him right before he does something stupid or terrible again to make my opinion of him do another 180. I just kind of want to squish him into a little pouch and carry him around on my back so I can keep my eye on him at all times and make sure he’s not causing more trouble for himself or for others 😔

OKAY, NOTHING AGAINST HOW ACE LOOKS BUT HE HAS SOME OF THE MOST “GENERIC ANIME PROTAG” HAIR I’VE EVER SEEN with maybe only Deuce being the character that one-ups him in terms of “generic anime protag” hair-ness. It works well with Ace’s cheery (yet sassy) personality, but every time I see him I can’t help but think “Wow, you look like such a protag.” The funniest part about that is Ace acts NOTHING like a stereotypical bland nice guy protag, he’s such a fucking asshole 😂 which, again, I’m very conflicted on because sometimes his asshole-ry or brutal honesty is funny or warranted (like when he calls Riddle out), but other times it’s straight up just mean for no good reason (particularly when he bullies Deuce).

The ONE thing I will firmly defend about Ace is that he is a lot more clever than people usually think he is. The fandom frequently refers to Ace and Deuce together as “the single brain cell duo” (sometimes trio, if Grim is included in the count), implying that they’re all pretty dumb. It’s definitely true that Ace is lacking in terms of his grades, but that’s moreso because he is too lazy to put effort into studying, not because he is inherently “stupid”. Ace is the REVERSE of Deuce, because Deuce is the one that actually puts forth an honest effort to be an honors student but lacks inherent classroom smarts, whereas Ace is the one that CAN be smart if he applies himself in lessons but he’d rather slack. He is a very quick thinker and an adept liar when he wants to be, and I think Ace deserves more credit for that.

Something that’s been bothering me about Ace is his lack of presence in recent main story content. He was gone for most of episode 4, barely did anything in episode 5 except for getting cursed and being mean to Deuce, and then in episode 6 he gets knocked out along with Deuce, so he can’t go along with Pomefiore for the rescue mission. I was really hoping to see Ace getting jealous of Deuce’s unique magic or feeling left out or useless because he hasn’t gotten his own yet 🤔 With how long of an episode 6 is, it feels so weird having this large span of the main story (even if, in universe, it has only been a few days between 5 and 6) where we get NOTHING on Ace’s feelings post-VDC. Episode 7, it’s all up to you now... Please let Ace reflect on his own actions and question his own abilities or something, PLEASE LET ACE GET HIS UNIQUE MAGIC TOO.

#Ace Trappola #Jamil Viper #twst #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #notes from the writing raven #spoilers #ask game #character opinion bingo

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callsignbaphomet · 4 months

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Okay, like I previously said Fallout version of Angelus is wild to me.

Btw TW for heavy subjects talked about here.

I like exploring different sides to them all in different AUs and Fallout is no different. Also, like I said in a post any info on them prior to 2023 when it comes to this AU is null and void. All that info is either eliminated or retconned.

Also I'm gonna try and better the tag system for better organization. Kinda got something in mind.

Anyway, I like writing and playing this version of Angelus 'cause it let's me explore a side to Angelus that the Oracle (Oracle is the original btw) version just doesn't have.

Oracle Angelus had a rough start. He suffered every type of abuse and my fucking gods do I mean EVERY TYPE OF ABUSE from as early as 1-year-old up to 13 or 14. Pretty much a little over a decade of nonstop physical, emotional and psychological torture. He did NOT get out of that unscathed. The trauma of it all still clings to him to this day. Had he been human he would've died like at 2, if he would've survived he would've been completely deformed and disfigured. But he's a werewolf so he somehow survived. Physically he has three scares from when his abusers tried to kill him. Two of the scars are from being shot in the chest and the third one is from being stabbed through the heart with a silver dagger. He actually scared which is basically impossible for a born werewolf but because his abusers never let him consume human hearts his immune system never developed. He even got fevers from infections. Anyway, it wasn't a good time for him and because of it a lot of mental problems arouse from it. He has C-PTSD, bipolar disorder, depression, severe anxiety, the abuse exacerbated his ADHD and also caused him to develop a severe eating disorder and it's not some cute and quirky "oh ha ha i'll just pick at this salad i gotta watch my weight ha ha." No, this man legit will starve himself as punishment because if he makes a mistake he thinks he deserves to be punished. He will actually layer on clothes so Jelani doesn't notice any weight loss but Jelani is always on top of that. They constantly check in on him and help him through it. He has some good days, some bad days and some catastrophic days but regardless he tries his best. He does have his moments of unfiltered confidence and times where he's shown he's very sure of himself and shown strength.

That's why I have this appreciation for the AUs because like for example the Fallout one he didn't have a messed up upbringing. Yeah, there's the whole being sold and the transphobic grandmother thing but it didn't affect him. He's cocky as hell, doesn't really take much of anything serious, in party mode almost 24/7, he's loud, explosive, confident, loves to eat, is extroverted, not insecure at all, no mental illnesses, rowdy, little bit selfish, morally gray and ambiguous, an absolute lil shit but with a good heart and more of a leader than a follower. Fallout Angelus is the extreme opposite of Oracle Angelus and it really puts Angelus as a whole into this perspective that I otherwise wouldn't have had a chance to explore this side of him if it weren't for this AU.

I was NOT kidding when I said Fallout Jelani kind of took the role of Oracle Angelus. He was very similar to Angelus but then he was assaulted (I know I put a tw warning but this is not a word I throw around so freely given that it's super charged. Not sure if anyone actually reads any OC posts aside from Arcade but still) and you know, it was a brutal and traumatic event and not even a month later he witnessed his father "die" which made shit far worse and this is post-apocalyptic America. Where in the blue fuck is he gonna find a therapist to work that trauma out? Fallout Jelani is pretty much Oracle Angelus.

And that was covering some aspects. In terms of sexuality he's still very much gay. I think that'll be the only aspect about him that'll never change. In Oracle he was born a male but he's actually intersex (both genitals and half a uterus, it sooooooorta works), on top of that he has a bit of a feminine body. He's very androgynous looking. In Fallout he was born a female and transitioned to male. In Oracle he's strictly a bottom HOWEVER, if Jelani (he's a switch and both subs and doms) asks he will absolutely top him because he feels 100,000% safe and secure with him. In Fallout he's 100% strictly a top while Jelani is 100% strictly a bottom. And he enjoys the fuck out of dominating Jelani.

Honestly this version of him is really fun. Oracle will always be Oracle but these AUs are so fun to explore different sides to all my characters.

#Angelus tag #fo: Angelus tag

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kulliare · 6 months

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chamomile and alove vera for the ask game! 💞💗💖

chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?

for all my life i’ve basically recieved no gifts so i am very much unused to the concept of gifts, like— my friends and i are doing a secret santa and we all have wishlists to make the buying less hard, but i’m still very much like, all these gifts i could get i could get myself? i don’t really know how to make them ~good~. and i can’t help but think they’re transactional rather than freely given.

anyway i am relatively easy to please. i like food / jewelery / clothes and stuff but now i’m just remembering my friend was gonna make me a pathetic fictional man calendar. i will get emotional when i put that up in my room sorry. i’m supposed to find 12 different men but carmy means so much to me and i’m wondering if i should just be like, full out pathetic with my wants as god intended

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

FOOD. i love trying out different food, i am hungry all the time and i wish i wasn’t. but for something specific i guess like. random ass people being nice to me. the high when a random ass person does you a good turn is indescribable. i recently fucked up my transit card so the guy at the desk randomly gave me a free ride to get home even tho the card being broken was definitely my fault was very sweet. and also my prof giving my extra marks just now even tho i don’t deserve it (well she kind of knows me so this doesn’t count. and i did work too hard on that project but it’s still v sweet. amanda, if ur out there ❤️❤️)

#ty bread and djunkelskog i think i spelled djunkel correctly #for once in my life

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anyu-blue · 5 months

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And so comes another year...

I'm living proof that support networks mean everything. And when you don't have them, you can become a shell of what you could have been.

I was a person said to have so much potential. One of the most intelligent among my peers. Capable of great things. But. I was also one of the strangest and so with that came a complete lack of support and helping hands.

I've never wanted to simply be supported without giving back. I've ever demanded that it is an equal thing. I support you, you support me, and vise versa. And, I understood that support didn't and doesn't have to be the exact same thing back and forth, in fact it's many different things that each of us can uniquely offer to one another that porivides balance.... however trying to communicate that, I failed because of being too strange.

So many people all told me I demanded too much. I wasn't able to help them understand what I meant vs what they thought I meant until it was far too late. And, by that time, all of them had given up or been driven away by their own ideas instead of sitting down to clarify or share their own thoughts on what I was saying. The only people who remain and have made any efforts and actually DO understand now are the people who couldn't run from me. My sisters.

I'm grateful they see what my intentions were and have always been. Finally. How I only wished to be kind, not overbearing or "love bomb"-y.. as I know things came across as red flags. And they know I learned to expect next to nothing in return, just that I was honest about wanting and needing some reciprocation of some sort in return- As ALL humans do.. and receive in healthy relationships. But ASKING for it was too much.. being obvious about needs and wants is wrong, somehow... and it means that any support I should have received in return for supporting.. crumbled..

I do not have support. I do not have community. When my energy and ability to provide failed me, so too did the illusion of any support I could have received.. that I hoped for... because people thought I needed more than they could give. And others didn't want to expend the energy on me that they had for others. I'm too draining for them even if I sit quietly and ask for nothing. I have "an air of expectation" about me... when I don't even know what I've done to make it that way or to deserve nothing when I worked so hard for them.

Its the same story... sometimes people were afraid they could never live up to what I gave them, so they left me behind out of that fear of failure.. sometimes people believed I didn't deserve what I wanted or needed at the time.. sometimes people didn't want anything more out of a relationship than to be supported themselves..

This is the story of my life. And why I can't seem to bring myself to... reach.

So much potential. But without support or people to cheer as I cheered for them... anyone capable of great kindness and energy I can borrow- freely offered, not demanded... I have none left for myself. And that is my mistake. I know it is. Having expended it all for those who could or would never give it back.

The state of the world is no help. How can anyone support others when it saps their energy away too?

I do. It's little. Being an ear or eyes for someone. If I have spare change, offering it or something sweet.

The little things...

But I ask one thing. I ask one task of two people.. and one promises to do it for me.. and fails. Waits until it's too late.

It just shows me I cannot expect or hope for anything when I ask or simply show a need or anything of the sort that regular humans are SUPPOSED to do that I just don't understand.

I asked for a cake... for my birthday tomorrow.

I gave what kind. How to do it. Flavors. Where to do it. Because I was asked what I wanted for my birthday and how to go about it because they'd never done it before.

And still.

I don't get it.

It was never ordered.

...

I got a text this afternoon of my sister asking if it's okay it is ready on the 24th because she hasn't ordered it. Still. Even after I reminded her again and again and again whenever SHE brought it up, as I am SUPPOSED to be patient and unexpectant, they take orders in advance. Up to a month. Even after I told her exactly how to do it when she asked because she didn't understand. Where to go. Step by step. When I told them months in advance, "this is what I want for my birthday." When they asked.

No.

It's not okay.

Because it was never about the cake in the first place. But feeling loved. Feeling important. Feeling heard. Having someone return what I've given... even if I was asked to help them get there.

She wanted to do this, she said. I believe her and offered all the support I could in this task.. and still.. I'm not good enough to be given anything in return. Not until it's too damn late. Not until they have my PERMISSION which I've already given them, but apparently not.

I am without support.. and have no will to put myself out there in any other way anymore.

Everything I want or could do takes too much time and energy and will inevitably backfire because it's not amazing or vetted by peers.. because asking anything is too much, needing anything is not important against others' needs, and wanting? How selfish could a person like me get?

Maybe this is hell and the punishment I brought on myself. I would be little surprised.

It still hurts.

Especially the desire and hope... and lack of support and equality.

#personal #random #ignore me #life in general #happy birthday to myself #negative #Just another year of nothing #good for me

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