hey man I found a piece of your soul stuck in the text messages of old friends you don’t speak to anymore. do you want it back

I need a fucking lobotomy

— Edna St. Vincent Millay, from a letter to Arthur Davison Ficke featured in Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay.

if you ever want to love an idiot you know where to find me

Sensitive, soft hearted, hopeless romantic girlie tries to convince herself that sex will somehow fulfill her need for basic human connection 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

You deserve love now. Not once you lose weight. Not once you accomplish that thing. Not once you move. Not once you get on medication. Not once you start therapy. Not once you get that job. Not once you're more like them. Now. You don't have to earn the right to be loved. You deserve it right now, and always have.

The depression is chronic, but my ass and tits are ✨iconic✨

Sending you love and validation ❤️🥰

💗✨💗✨💗

Messy kitchens making breakfast, coffee walks, and art are how I’m spending my Sunday morning 😌😌😌

(Also thank you to all y’all who have checked in on me the last couple of days and sent kind messages 🥹🥹💗💗 I appreciate y’all)

My horoscope calling me out today 🫣🫣🫣

Hiiiii, here's some thoughts and things I've been pondering on over the last couple weeks (also might delete later idk lol, take this with a grain of salt because I'm a little tipsy, emotional from pms (and maybe a little bit of heartbreak), and also maybe sorta sleep deprived. okay thanks!) Also pro tip- don't watch sappy teen rom-coms when you're already a sensitive emotional mess!!!!

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I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships, in all forms, casual, romantic, family, friendships, deep relationships and surface level relationships, coworkers, acquaintances, community, blah blah blah you get the idea. Basic human connection baby. I've never really been the type of person to be casual or surface level about anything in my life, especially relationships. I sink into connection, always wanting to know more about people, looking for the deeper connection, never really satisfied with a tip of the iceberg, never really knowing anything about each other kind of connection(I blame it on my pisces moon and cancer venus lol). And at the same time, knowing the cost of that, knowing that I could know someone so deeply and the next second they could be done with all of it, has me running the other direction more often than not. And yes I know, people will not always be in your life forever, basic human condition and all that. But taking into account freedom of choice and miscommunications and attachment styles and people's own individual baggage and blah blah blah, everything that people bring into a relationship, be it platonic or romantic, influences how long that relationship will last. At least in my opinion it does. (and just to assure, I have since learned the art of managing my expectations when it comes to deeper connections and much lighter ones, even with my love and want for deep connections.) And it is inevitable that people will leave, for whatever reason, but that logic doesn't erase the hurt from that person not being there anymore. A lot of this train of thought came from both a recent disagreement with a friend that essentially ended said friendship, and me thinking that I could subject myself to casual dating relationships as a way to re-enter the dating world. In both of these situations, I found myself feeling small, unseen and unknown, and like something that could be easily discarded without a second thought. On the friendship side of it, there was so much connection and learning about each other that in the end, didn't matter and I ended up giving too much of myself to someone who wasn't able to reciprocate. And in the realm of dating and casual relationships, I thought I could re-enter that world, go on fun dates, be casual and learn what I like and dislike in all of it, learn to not jump into things so quickly, just have fun dating for once rather than having heart palpitating anxiety about it. Lol, nope, what dumb bitch thought that was a good idea??? It was fun for a half a second and then just made me feel frustrated and used(both emotionally and physically, hello orgasm gap) and honestly kind of exhausted at the whole of dating(but I'm trying to not give up for whatever reason) (also turns out men still think it's a great idea to send unsolicited dick pics in fucking 2024. Please, for the love of god, don't.) And sitting in all of this, having these experiences, feeling grief over all of it, is the thought that I am simply not made for superficial relationships. Sure there are people I may have a more casual connection with, but the feeling of being unknown to someone, of resigning myself to be the thing they want in order to have connection, feeling like someone isn't even the tiniest bit curious about me, is not something I was made for and no matter how much I try to fit myself into this idea of relationships that is so persistent now, I'm inevitably dissatisfied with it and feel worse than if I had just kept to myself. Connection and community is at the core of what it is to be human and we've gotten so backwards with that. If you read any or all of this, I'm telepathically giving you forehead kisses. Suffice it to say, I am a committed, loyal, curious, big feelings, social, connection oriented girlie and the way that relationships have become so superficial is so fucking soul draining.

My therapist told me I was a badass today and nothing else matters now

I wish there were a way through tumblr to just sit quietly with a mutual when you know they're going through it. Not to say anything, just be present. So they don't feel alone.

Reminder

18+ means 18+, not “I’m 14 but I don’t get offended by your posts” or “I’m 16 but I’m mature for my age”

// If you’re a minor, get off my page, this isn’t for you //

I’m sorry I’ve been rambling are you doing okay? Do you want to talk about it?

Not rambling at all! I know sometimes it’s nice to just say what’s on your mind sometimes. And I’m doing ok 😌 thank you for checking in 😊

i cast spell of feel good about yourself in the form of reblogging your selfie <3