#that is a fucking DANCY song what are you doing
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some weirdly specific things I pay attention to in rtc productions to judge their quality in my eyes include but are not limited to noels dress, wtwn choreo, and whether or not Constance has a recorder in sugar cloud
#there are so many versions of wtwn where their just standing or walking around the stage the whole time#that is a fucking DANCY song what are you doing#kal rambles!!#ride the cyclone#rtc#rtc musical
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The Proposal
It wasn't supposed to start at all. When Nandor asked him to polish his opal ring, Guillermo smiled, taking the ring.
It was supposed to be an easy task. But then he saw the pile of dirty clothes and if he didn't take care of it now he would forget, he didn't want to lose the ring so he put it on his finger. It wasn't supposed to stay there, it was just to make things easier.
And it did! It did make things easier! He put the clothes on the washing machine, took the clean ones to the fancy room, fold everything, b-lined to Colin Robinson's room and threw his neatly folded beige shirts and pants in like he was delivering food to a solitary cell, noticed the rugs needed to be vacuumed and better to do it sooner than later, and, well, you can't blame him for forgetting the ring.
When Nandor found him, he was humming some pop song and calmly brushing Barry the Bear's fur.
"Guillermo, did you-" He stopped, furrowing his brows.
Guillermo jumped a little bit, cursing to himself by being taken by surprise (he and Nandor do not not have a friendly competition about who can scare the other the most and he would be lying if he said he didn't matter losing) while turning to face his master.
"Oh, good night, Master!" He greeted him. It took him half a second to realize Nandor was staring at his hand and half a second more to remember why. "Oh my- Sorry! I wasn't! I wasn't using it! I just put it on and I forgot-"
"Keep it." Nandor said, interrupting Guillermo's attempt to take the ring off.
"What?"
"Keep it." Nandor repeated, looking away. "I don't even like this ring that much."
That, Guillermo noticed, was a lie. Nandor never takes this ring off, but he wasn't going to point that out now, was he?
After a moment, not as a second thought, but almost as something he wasn't sure he was supposed to say, Nandor added:
"It looks good on you."
And then he vanished in a dark smoke, as Nandor often does when he puts himself in situations he's not ready to face, leaving Guillermo to process what the living fuck happened.
So, yeah, it wasn't supposed to happen, but it did. And now Guillermo has to deal with the consequences, mostly Nandor acting as a spoiled brat and a thousand more boxes for him to stuff in the "don't think about it" storage room of his mind.
He is so good at not thinking about it, in fact, that he didn't at all in the past five days since it happened, and he would gladly continue to not think about it if he wasn't being forced to by an overly aggressive Nadja.
"What the fuck did you do this time?" She said, cornering Guillermo between her coffin and her taxidermy armadillo.
"Nothing?" Guillermo responded, trying to decide if he would manage to squeeze below her arms.
"Exactly! Nothing!" She flap her hands in annoyance. "Are you dumb? Are you idiot?"
"Look, you're being really mean right now." Guillermo ignored how Nadja looked like she was visualizing all the ways she could kill him in favor of putting his hands on his waist and pretending he has no clue what she's talking about.
"You'll see how mean I can be when i rip your fucking head off, you dumb stupid donkey!" Nadja took a deep breath and fixed her skirt. "Gizmo, my silly little baby, how much longer will you let Nandor brood around like someone kicked him in the balls before you say your cheesy gay little speech about how 'oh Nandor of course I want to marry you' or something?"
Guillermo opened his mouth to say some smart little response before his brain finally got what she actually said.
“Of course I want to what?!” He almost screams- almost, he has some self respect, after all.
“Oh, oh please don't tell me this is another one of those situations none of you talk to the other and we all have to suffer through it!” Nadja flaps her arms like some kind of delirious chicken and turns her hands into fists when she sees Guillermo's “of course it is one of those situations” stare. The one he does where you can literally see the question marks dancing around his tiny little brain. “I'm going to kill you all!”
Nadja screams. She thinks about really doing it. Ripping Nandor's heart out and snapping Guillermo's neck. It would be easy, practical, and she would never need to deal with their crap again. But then she would miss them, so she sighs, recomposes herself and says, the calmest she can muster.
“My sweet stupid human, Nandor asked you in marriage. Please accept it before he kills himself.”
Guillermo just stares at her for a second. And then stares back at the ring, now heavy in his finger. Then back at her again. And then he screams.
“What kind of shitty marriage proposal was that?! He didn't even- He didn't even ask! It's not even a wedding ring!” He argues, as if that's the strangest part of all this and not that Nandor is asking to marry him. He decides not to think about that part yet.
“The guy is one thousand years old, what did you expect?!”
“She asked Gail all right.” Guillermo says, the disgust he feels remembering Gail is clear in his tone.
“Well, yeah, but Gail wasn't for real. He didn't want to marry her, don't tell me you believed that.”
“I did!” Guillermo lies. He lied for about two seconds before he chickened out below Nadja's piercing eyes. “Look. It's just… How do I even respond?! He didn't ask it. I can't go to him and just say yes!”
“Then fuck him yes. He'll get it.” Nadja says, shrugging.
Guillermo, as much as he wants to argue, doesn't really have a good response to that
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WIP questionnaire tag
Ray of starshine @the-golden-comet hit me with this tag and I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS ONE BEFORE thank you so much!
I will be answering for Doom Metal Love Story.
What’s the first part of your WIP that you created?
Figuring out who the characters were. I then wrote the 275-page Bad Ending timeline the characters go through in 1874. The worldbuilding (it's a historical AU) I made up as I went.
If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?
I'm kind of medicated rn so the idea of a cover of "Du Hast" by Rammstein done in 1870s-style music is making me laugh.
What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?
Honestly, it's Sullivan, the protagonist. I originally got through the first draft by going, "He's a literary device, he's not a real person, you're just out of practice" (this is one of the darkest things I've written so I felt bad LOL.)
Then I learned more about who he is as a person and I realized I couldn't tell that kind of story using this character. He deserved to catch the bad guy and save his stupid boyfriend from becoming the avatar of a dead god, not have what I did to him in draft 3 happen to him.
Also he's fucking funny and my roommate and I are always doing "the Sullivan voice" whenever anything mildly inconvenient happens so we sound as if we're describing the hardships of an 1870s frontier cavalry first sergeant, and that's the greatest gift anyone could have ever given me. Thank you, Cole.
What other pieces of media do you think your fanbase would share?
My fans probably love Pathologic, Dungeon Meshi, and that show where Mads Mikkelsen and Hugh Dancy get covered in blood and fuck each other with knives (I have never seen Hannibal.)
What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?
It's character-driven. Royston is a "moral outlaw" (old-timey for "psychopath.") Sullivan wants a Golden Ending.
Look at my fucking outline for Book 2.
#time loops
Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!
OMG yes. Sullivan's horse Molly is a character. Royston is jealous of her for roughly half the 1872-73 storyline. It's... he has psychological problems.
How do your characters travel/get around?
It is 1872-1874 (depending on where we are in the time loop) so we get around by the following means:
1. Train!
2. Horse!
3. Boots!
4. ... Sullivan has to use crutches in Book 2!
5. ... Royston might learn how to fucking teleport at some point but that's... I don't even want to think about that.
What part of your WIP are you working on right now?
I am on Book 2 of three. I just finished Chapter 7. It's the "debate" section for the novel but we're in the "fun and games" section of the entire trilogy so the fact I don't have a nosebleed rn is impressive.
What aspects (tropes, maybe?) will you think draw your audience in?
Who doesn't love a Western that has time loops and weird Eldritch shit happening in the background?
Oh yeah TIME LOOPS.
I'm fucking with the Sliding Scale of Fate vs. Free Will
It's scary sometimes?
You've heard of They Were Roommates? Let me introduce you to They Were Friends.
We're going for the Golden Ending. I have no clue how I'm going to pull this off but I believe in my ability to keep typing until I do.
What are your hopes for your WIP?
All I want to do is cause irreparable psychological damage to people who thought they knew how the world worked until they read my novel. And maybe to break Top 100 in Western Horror eBooks on A-Zon, at least for like an hour. I did that once and now I'm going to chase that dragon the rest of my life.
tag! @astramachina @cowboybrunch @dyrewrites @frostedlemonwriter
@noblebs @pb-dot @sentfromwolves @transthadymacdermot @words-after-midnight @zackprincebooks
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Moments with my Hannibal Kinnie Bf that altered my brain chemistry when I made him watch Hannibal for the first time
- Seeing him say “if I were Hannibal…” and knowing what he said he’d do is EXACTLY what Hannibal did next
- Catching him late one night googling “Plastic Suit” into Google images and taking notes
- hearing him say the words “I am so deeply disappointed in Will for this” when he saw Freddie alive
- Him making me pause the show so many goddamn times in season three to rant about Italy to me…particularly statues he wish he’d gotten to see more of when he visited
- seeing him frantically whip out a sketchbook of his from like four years ago and showing me a sketch of the EXACT section of the primavera?? Is that the painting Hannibal was drawing in the show of the lady and the man?? Idk but I shit you not I about lost my mind
- him leaving mid opening scene of season three only to come back in with Hannibal’s exact leather jacket from the motorcycle scene
- listening to him explain Hannibal’s thought process at any point of the show my favorite time being when he explained dating Alana “He (Hannibal) wanted Will to Picture him in a sexual nature I believe….” Blah blah blah but it makes sense
- seeing him totally on the edge of his seat just LOVING all the bloody gore and shit but watching him have to physically hide his face in his hands when the dragon ate that painting telling me “Of all the things I’ve seen in this show that is by far the worst scene” literally ranting for ages about poisoning paints and paper…fuckin priceless art value and whatnot as if we didn’t just see all the fucked up shit we saw
- listening to him NONSTOP the ENTIRE FUCKIN SHOW talk about how bad he wanted Will to either kill one of the killers or fight Hannibal
- *obvious boners from Will being mean to Hannibal*
- going to look up something on his computer and seeing his last search being quote “Hugh Dancy Other movies”
- Laughiig with him when Hannibal got shot because he said “if he heals from that wound he would be able to digest red meat for some time”
- having to explain to him what fanfiction is when we watched an interview with Mads
- hearing him practically moan when Will looked up at Hannibal when they killed the dragon like the man had a small orgasm I swear I fuckin SWEAR
- Hearinf him nonstop talk about Will Graham ALL THE FUCKING TIME LIKE NONSTOP I AM SO TIRED OF HEARJNF ABOUT HIM
- Showinf me his one Spotify playlist after the finally when he told me and I quote “Is the song playing currently a Sioux and the Banshees song?” Like I had a fuckin clue but apparently he used to listen to it all the time and told me “All those years of it’s chorus hitting my eardrums and now I feel it’s tune has an entirely new meaning”
- Him coming to me later one night and telling me he wished there was more and that he was tryin to setup an A03 account
#hannibal headcanons#hannibal lecter#hannibal memes#nbc hannibal#hannibal kin#will graham kin#hannigram#will graham
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Endless Again
CH. TWO
TW'S: Canon typical violence, yandere,
Jon tapped his foot along to the rhythm of the song gently humming through Damian's car, unlike his brooding companion he was thrilled to be starting college, it felt so typical! Like he was any other twenty-one-year-old about to enter the next chapter of their life, for once, he didn't feel like he had to be Superboy, his father's unmeasurable shadow was far from the walls of Gotham U, he could just be Jon.
The bright-eyed male hummed happily as they pulled into the private parking lot of the school, he was awed at the looming structure, still not quite used to the fancy dancy university, and while he couldn't be more excited at the sight, he could practically feel the dark cloud over Damian's head.
While he was used to the sour expression on his friend's face, he couldn't help but notice the irregular pattern of his heartbeat, he was particularly irate, so when his cat-like glare focused in on Jon's shaking leg, he immediately stopped, his sheepish whisper of "Sorry" was ignored by the Wayne heir.
The dynamic duo made their way into Gotham U with two vastly different expressions. People tended to stare at Damian when he walked through a room, so Jon was used to the looks, however, he wasn't used to people staring at him like this, hushed whispers and not-so-subtle glances were on the two of them all day, and Jon, being the person he was, returned those looks with a big smile, he didn't seem to notice the effect he had on people, the flustered state his boyish grin left them in, while Damian kept his scowl facing forward, his chin upturned, his tolerance for the day was thin enough as is, he could do without the lemurs gossiping through the halls.
He was counting down the seconds until he could return home and get back to the work he felt actually mattered. Jon babbled on beside him as they walked to their shared first course, he cared for his friend, truly he did, but his patience was paper thin, and the thought of entertaining conversation was out of the question, nothing would make this shit-show bearable, at least that's what he assumed.
After your first course, you stepped into the crowded, well-lit ivory-covered halls, and felt someone's eyes on you, once you turned to the source, you were quickly met with a loud squeal that brought an instant grin to your face.
A pleasant gift from the universe came in the form of Dana Hoyt, the now twenty-two-year-old, had been the one person in high school brave enough to try and be your friend. While short in duration, your friendship had begun to truly bloom that last year, unfortunately, she was a year ahead of you and in turn, graduated before you. You recognized her warm aura and without thinking opened your arms for the bear hug you knew was coming.
She all but sprinted across campus when she spotted you, cutting her way through a whole crowd of rich kids, all of who looked at her as if she'd grown an extra head, her wide smile was met with your own, and the hug brought forth an unfamiliar, yet welcome feeling. "Holy shit!- When I read your name in the list of first years I was like no fucking way it's her but it is! Hi!!" Her excitement to see you was genuine, that much you could tell.
Your smile was bigger than it had been in ages, "Hi Dana, how are you?" you watched as she seemed to light up even more, "We have soo much to talk about oh my god." she quickly linked arms with you as she began to lead you around, taking on the unofficial role of your tour guide.
She made sure you knew where every one of your professor's classes was, and by the time lunch rolled around, it had felt like you picked up right where you left off in high school.
As your new-old friend went on about the best places to eat near campus, you were busy surveying the area for potential threats and made eye contact with a rather gloomy-looking young man sitting beneath a tree, his whole aura read 'leave me the hell alone', and you could get that, he almost seemed to be pouting as he sat there, with a small book in one hand and a granny smith in the other, he held this air of untouchability around him.
Even with the distance between you, you could tell he was the kind of pretty that was unfair, a head full of dark well kept hair, his warm, tan skin wrapped in a black turtleneck that showed off his wide chest, the matching dark coat he wore fluttered in the breeze, he looked as if he belonged on the cover of a magazine. He held your gaze, his foul expression shifting to something more curious, his plump lips curled up, just the slightest, he took a purposeful bite of the apple in his hand, tongue just barely poking out to swipe at the juice beading on his bottom lip, a thick brow raised ever so slowly as if to ask you 'what?' you felt a flutter of something, odd, in your tummy at the action, a smirk of your own grew at the new feeling, your staring contest was only broken when Dana snapped a manicured hand in front of your face, breaking you from whatever weird spell he put you under.
"Oh, I'm sorry was my wonderful, free, information boring you?" she asked as if offended, but you could tell from her smile she was teasing, huffing out a laugh, you played with the skin of your lip, and in the best apologetic tone you could muster, "Sorry hun- Guess I got a little distracted." She turned her head to face whatever it was that stole your attention, her expression turning mischievous, "Oh nevermind honey- I totally get it. Damian Wayne has that effect on people." she not so subtly elbowed your side, "He's a total smoke show but has a nasty streak, he's been here just as long as you have and has already made a professor cry." You snorted at this, now even more intrigued.
Shaking your head to rid your mind of the man, you stood, pulling the shorter woman up with a charming smile that had her pout fading, "C'mon, lemme' buy you a snack to make up for my goldfish-like attention span." She beamed at you, once more linking your arms to sing out, "Thank you suga' mama."
By the time a mid-day assembly was called, a rather ugly feeling had taken residence in your stomach, and that sinking feeling had only worsened when you were ushered into what looked like the university auditorium.
As much as you wanted to throw yourself into the college experience, something poked and prodded at the back of your mind, like a gnat buzzing around your ear, you couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, like detrimentally wrong. It was the same feeling you got before a bad storm or when one of your wannabe assassins took a shot at you.
Dana had ushered you to a spot in the back of the large auditorium, and it wasn't until then you realized what was wrong, passing by a rather greasy-looking middle-aged man in a custodial outfit, your stomach curled in on itself hard enough to stop you in your tracks, his beady black eyes were scanning the room, specifically the entrances, you tilted your head as you tried to focus in on him, fighting off the headache at the sudden influx of thoughts, you pinched your thigh in an attempt to focus on the one mind, the uncomfortable sensation made you queasy, but you pushed through the pain and, as if a switch had been flipped, all the clutter fell into a dull whisper, the strange man's thoughts had become the loudest in the room, and what you managed to catch made the hairs on your nape stand on edge.
"About 140, 150 yuppies here maybe- that kinda body count will get us on the front page no doubt."
You nearly jumped in place as the rest of the room faded back in, your chest began to rise and fall as you stared the lanky man down, he fiddled with his pockets, and while you didn't know exactly what he was planning, his dark, heavy thoughts spoke for themselves. You took a deep breath before turning to face your friend.
"Oh damn, are you okay? Your nose." She said almost panicked, beginning to hastily search through her bag for a tissue, you brought a finger to your nose, and as she had said, crimson stained it. You wiped at your nose with the sleeve of your jacket, forcing your voice to be as calm as it could, "Don't worry, I get these randomly, s'no biggie." your casual tone managed to pacify her worries, Before she could continue to her seat, you racked your brain for the best plan of action.
You couldn't risk exposing yourself, not after how hard you worked to keep your nature in the shadows, but you also couldn't just do nothing, whatever this asshole had in mind ended in a body count, and from his wording, you knew he wasn't alone.
Muttering a quiet fuck it you turned her to face you.
"Okay, this is gonna sound batshit but everyone here is in danger." You spoke in an even tone, wide eyes flickering from the man to the exits. The look you held at that moment had her arms covered in goosebumps, something in your gaze sent a cold chill up her spine. Despite not having seen you for a few years, she knew you well enough to know you were deadly serious.
"What are you talking about? The assembly is about to start-" you placed your hands on her shoulders, her protest dying on her lips at the hard stare you gave her, "I need you to trust me okay? If we don't do something right now people will die- you understand? I know it sounds insane-but right now, I need you to believe me when I say these people gotta' get the hell outta here." She stared into your eyes for a second, weighing her options before she went with her gut and started nervously chewing her thumb, "Fuck- okay quickest way to get these people running is a fire alarm but you'll never cut through this crowd-"
Before she could finish you were scanning the room when your eyes found the little red box just slightly poking out from the curtain on stage, you twisted your hand, subtly near your chest, Dana caught a glance at the brief flash of red and not a second later, the shrill ring was screaming across the entire campus. For good measure, you twisted the sprinklers on the ceiling drenching the room and everyone in it in a flash. The added panic of water had almost everyone rushing to the exit.
"Go on, I'll be right behind you." You yelled over the loud alarm, arms stretching over one another, you watched her leave as you began to follow the foul mix of anger and anxiety that hung around that man, he seemed to rush in the opposite direction of the mob of students, as you stalked his aura like a bloodhound, Damian was busy trying to figure out what the hell just happened, one second he was finishing the last chapter in his book, the next he was covered in water, Jon winced at the alarm, the two sharing a look as their instincts kicked in.
"You smell a fire?" The green-eyed male asked his taller friend, Jon shook his head no, palms covering each ear, "Get out of here." Damian demanded, tossing what was no doubt an expensive coat on the soaked seat he once sat in, Jon opened his mouth to no doubt argue, but Damian stopped him with a raised palm, he had begun rolling up his sleeves as he dismissed him, "Something's up, and as long as that thing is blaring you're a liability- make sure everyone's out." Jon sighed through his nose and began to gently usher the stragglers her saw to the courtyard.
You had a curious look on your face as you stealthily followed the man's trail, you could feel the presence of several individuals behind the wall, pressing yourself against it, you heard the men's voices arguing with one another.
"What the hell Tony? all you had to do was push a button! How'd ya manage to fuck that up?" The gruff man seemed to hit whoever this Tony was, "Me? I ain't do shit, one of you must have set off that damn alarm." The familiar voice of the greasy man from before responded, just as angry, "The pigs are comin' we should just bail before they get there-"
"Fuck that. I spent weeks planning, this was supposed to put us on the map!- no we're still blowing this bitch to high hell, we'll just have to get creative."
They began making their way towards the door so you quickly flew around a different corner, just in time as the door slammed open not a second later.
As you watched the scene, brow furrowing at the black duffle bag they gently carried out to the middle of the hallway, Damian was busy watching you. He'd been making his way around when he saw you looking rather suspiciously outside a door, the alarm had finally stopped so he could hear the loud voices shouting from inside the room, he felt the need to observe more before making his move, and he's so glad he did as you flew back toward him in a blur or crimson, you seemed so focused on the group of men he took the opportunity to try and subdue you.
The key word there being try because as he went to put you in a headlock you spun to face him with a swiftness he hadn't anticipated, with an oddly hypnotizing movement your hands flicked upward, he felt this unmovable pressure on his wrists, now pinned at his side against the wall, as he struggled a bit he took note of the shimmering ruby light surrounding his limbs, the same shade could be seen in your gaze as you stared at him, your eye's seemed to widen in recognition.
"Release m-" before he could finish you surprised him once more by pressing your soft palm against his mouth, he hated himself for the flush it brought up his neck, he'd been trained for these exact situations, but something about you was so enigmatic, he actually felt flustered. He resisted the urge to bite you, but that was made all the harder by you leaning over to whisper, "Quiet now pretty boy," you took a peek around the corner as the men had stopped to unload what looked to be a gaggle of homemade explosive devices, handing them out amongst their little group, "-that is unless you want to be blown up." he forced himself to ignore the way your tone and close proximity raised his heartbeat, "Now I'll let you go, but if you try to touch me again I'll knock your teeth into your stomach." You waited for him to nod before releasing him.
He all but jumped away from you, the sneer on his face falling a bit as he registered your words, "How many of them are there?" he rubbed at his wrists and pulled a small switchblade from his boot. "Four, but more importantly you should beat it, I can take em'." He scoffed, rolling his pretty green eyes as if that were the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard, "That's my line imbecile- get outside before you get yourself killed." You laughed at the man's audacity.
"I was doing just fine till' ya tried to jump me brat."
"I thought you were a criminal." he seemed to shrug it off, his brashness made you let out a huff of amusement, rubbing the bridge of your nose you shook your head.
"Right well," cracking your neck with a sigh, "I got some bad guys to break so if you don't mind." You moved to leave your hiding place before being stopped, the grip he had on your arm was firm, not painful. "Enough of this- You had a better view than I did so quickly, tell me what you know." you peeled his fingers away from your skin, throwing the hand off as if it had offended you, "Not a lot, just that they got what appears to be enough C-4 to turn this whole school into rubble and in the time it'll take me to explain to you how I know that, I can just stop em'."
"Can you do something about the lights?" He asked resigning himself to the fact that your stubborn ass wasn't going away anytime soon.
"Say please." You all but sang out, the teasing edge made him scoff once again, pooling even more of those wretched butterflies to his gut, he calmed his heart, and just as the bitter words formed on his tongue, a melodic laugh left your lips, "I'm kiddin' Whatever you're about to do I got your back." and with a cheeky grin, you snapped your fingers and the hallway was shrouded in darkness.
A collective cry of surprise came from the group, he took that as his cue to run up toward the largest man in the circle, he kicked off the wall to gain some height, bringing his elbow down on the man's head, he felt the big guy crumble under the pain, he then hit a pressure point on the back of the criminal's neck, putting him out of commission, seemingly panicked by the painful cry of their leader, a gunshot echoed out in the dark, briefly lighting up the hall well enough for him to see a shaking man holding a smoking firearm towards the last place he saw you.
A rage filled his chest, a true blood-boiling rage he hadn't felt since he was a boy, and while in the short time he'd known you, you were a certified pain in his ass, you were a pain in the ass civilian, enhanced or not. And you fell under his protection, quickly disarming the man, he brought his palm up harder than he needed to and broke the nose of the offender. He dropped low to avoid a punch, taking his blade he thrust it in between the bastard's knee, taking a twinge of joy from his broken wails.
A flash of red came from behind him, whispy strands of crimson curling around the remaining two panicked men's waists, in a move he could compare to someone playing ping-pong, he listened as you threw them against the walls, the impact so hard Damian swore he heard bones snap, the thought eased his anger immediately, and he shook away the confusing feelings as the lights flickered back on.
You stood over the unconscious bodies with a wild grin on your face, the two of you panting, he removed his knife from the knee of your would-be assailant and wiped it against his side, after tucking the blade away he made his way over to your visibly excited form.
"Hell of a first day huh?" He felt his lips curl at the strange woman before him, nodding as the familiar sounds of sirens flooded his ears, looks like he found a good reason to stick around this shit-show after all.
#endless again#yandere dc#yandere dc x reader#yandere damian wayne x reader#yandere damian wayne#onmyyan#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n
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a/n: im too drunk to do a word count on this. basd off of this song bc it s so good <3 nnhealhy bsession
warnings ig: stalking yandere behavior but with a twist, obsessive behvaior, u and vox r in love with each other <333
It was late at night and you weer ein a tree clsse to vox's window. yes there's tress in hell and idke if there;s a window in vox's rom but tehres is. you watched him flp thru his screens, watchin his employess at work and u were like "he is so fine. tv man"
using the phone you bought from jhis company, you take a photo of him on HIS phone. You admired the way he looked at it so intently. you sneak outof the tree and on ur way home u deicded "Im gonna get a job so i can be with him more." yes, you hthought to urself. he cant get awy from you now,
you were walking home, admring all the pictures you took of vox toay. you wer e so focused at lookig at them that u didnt raekize someone was following you thru the ameras that was all aroun hrll. it was VOX. he stalked you as muhc as u staekd him but neither of u knew.
he kept his cameras on you. he was in his seurty room,his s reen face basicallt on the scresn in front of him. he zoomed in on you and h aas jeaous that you wrer smiing so much at your phone. "ther better not eb aonother man. i swera to FUCK i will kill tem. if it ;s alasto im gonna try to kill him" he said to himsefl, cackling evilly in his little evil room.
you remainde unwarae that you were being watched. as soon as u got home u got on your voxrek laptop and immediately applied for a job. vox sees this because he wactes what you do on your lapotp. he immedaitrly hired you and got u working under him.
you didnt see that you got acceptsed because you were too busy printeing out the phoot you took of vox and putting it on the shrien in your room. yoru shine had everything vox reated. you even have one of his bowties tha you got when you snuck into his bulding.
he knew u snuck in and sent evveryne home early so they wouldnt get the hance to talk to you. he was too pussy to go say hi to you so he jsut watched you lovingly from his room. he didnt know you stole his bowtie though.
a oucple hours later you checked your phen and realszed you GOT THE JOBBB . you did a little dancy dance.
u work for him and nwo u two constnatly stalk each ohtr until ONE DAY you cuaught each othetr triyng to sneak int oyour rooms because you both have bcaemras in each ohterers' room and eahc others' locations.
u meet halfway nad htne u two confessed and became all cutesy lovey dovye murdery otgether <3 the ned!
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Tell Me What Changed (Pt. 6)
Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive
Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.
Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC
CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else
Read on AO3 here or below
Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter
“We should be swing dancing to this,” Jungkook said low near Alex’s ear, his thumb pressing in to reduce the noise so she could hear his voice through the music.
She did not return the trick, just laughed as she pushed him away and shouted, “You don’t fucking know how to swing dance!” He scowled, frustrated he couldn’t grab her hand and push and pull her away to somehow prove he was in fact a swing master. He wasn’t; he knew the same three steps she did, which they’d exhausted at school dances when they were younger. She was the perfect height for spinning because he didn’t elbow her in the face like he did with every other girl he tried it with. He always ruined it by pretending he was going to lift and toss her and then she’d screech and grab onto his arm like a cat you were trying to put in a bathtub.
“Son of a bitch!” they shouted along with the music. “Get me a drink!” They didn’t know this opener band, Nathaniel Rateliffe and the Night Sweats, but the hook was easy to pick up, and the music had that upbeat dancy feel that got the job done at getting the audience pepped for the headliner. The next song was slower but Jungkook still felt his heart locked in, swaying his shoulders, bumping into Alex on one side and Jimin on the other. He didn’t even know this band and yet the guitar riffs and steady bass had the effect live music always did, making it feel like the world shrank away to him right here, right now, inside himself. Alex there with him.
And Hoseok on her other side, his hand tucked into hers. And their friends and Alex’s sister having their own feelings further down the row –but they were out of sight, out of mind for the time being, partly thanks to the assigned seating that created some order to the energy, all of them in their spaces like ducks in a row. Even Jimin faded in and out, sometimes bumping against Jungkook’s arm, other times leaning against In’am who looked bemused by the whole show.
Once upon a time they would have been down in the pit, but these days Jungkook wasn’t any more interested in it than Alex and it hadn’t even been considered for the show. Balcony all the way. They’d done their time down there when they were younger, working out a system for survival. For years Jungkook had taken up position behind her at shows, chest to back, arms poised to ward off any infringing on her space whether it came from the left or right. He threw a mean elbow when someone threatened Alex’s personal space. Sometimes it was a little fun when someone got pushy and he got to push him back; they’d glare at him as if he was the threatening one and then Alex would go off on them about being such an invasive asshole. Jungkook didn’t love having people crushed on him either, but Alex could literally get crushed! He’d liked the energy of the pit in high school but he was grown now, mature. It was cool to be able to sit whenever you felt like it even if he’d never do it while a band was playing, out of respect if nothing else.
Besides, even if they’d been in the pit, it wouldn’t have been Jungkook’s job anymore. Hoseok would have been her guard. Jungkook wondered how he would have done at it. He was too polite! Jungkook was an asshole, the perfect guard. But Hoseok would probably do his best, and maybe he had secret reserves to pull out… or something. Probably in some more mature way than throwing elbows or flexing his jaw threateningly. He’d like, befriend people or something, throw his arm around them and the whole pit would just sway together.
Hoseok had bent down to whisper something into Alex’s ear, so Jungkook leaned the other way to see what everyone else was doing. Their friends seemed mixed on the opener. Jimin and In’am were standing, nodding along, calmly listening like they were making a study of the audience. Rebekah looked into it. Namjoon did not, face reflecting the light of his phone. Minxi, on the other side of Rebekah, was hard to tell, but she seemed to be humoring whatever May was saying beside her. May had invited herself along but since she’d been the one to tell Alex about the concert in the first place, they hadn’t felt like she could say no –Alex had told Jungkook all about it when they’d been buying the tickets, back before May and Hoseok had even met. Jungkook didn’t really care either way but Alex had been pissed it meant introducing Hoseok before she wanted to, and Jungkook felt a little smug about the fact she had any hesitation whatsoever. Jungkook was desperate to know what May thought, but knew he was unlikely to get a serious answer.
Besides, what opinion could she formulate from the opposite end of the row? Jungkook was only two people down and not sure he’d be able to pull off his own secret operation: prove to Hoseok he was non-threatening. He’d even considered sitting on the other side of Hoseok for the show but couldn’t bring himself to do it. At a concert, Alex was who he wanted to be standing and dancing and singing along next to.
Shit. Did that mean he’d already failed? How was he supposed to convince Hoseok he wasn’t any threat to their relationship when he wanted nothing more than to take Alex all for himself? When secretly, deep down, he was hoping they’d hurry up and break up already, even if it hurt her in the short term…
But he wouldn’t be the one who caused it, he was certain of that. That was why he wasn’t a threat, because he wasn’t willing to risk losing what he still had of her on the slim chance she reciprocated his feelings –but not enough to break up with her boyfriend. Like, that sucked. He’d still take that, being her second choice, but he didn’t think he even had a shot at that. It was clear she didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Maybe he hadn’t realized his feelings until too late, but Alex had only started dating Hoseok a few months ago, if she’d harbored anything for Jungkook, he would have known, and probably it would have helped him realize his own feelings sooner. She hadn’t. So all he could accomplish by trying to come between them would be Alex hating him. That was the worst result; they’d both be hurting. At least this way…
At least this way, Alex was happy because she had her best friend and her boyfriend on either side of her as she sang her heart out –endearingly badly but Jungkook loved that about her– to the bands playing. At least this way, only he was hurting. And not that bad, right? Nothing was really different right now except that he had to overthink everything he did with her to make sure it wasn’t something that was going to threaten her apparently easily-threatened boyfriend. The only thing that sucked was that he had to watch someone else get to do all the things he wanted to do with her.
Like last time they went to a concert, he had thrown his arm around her shoulder and they’d sung together. Hoseok did that this time, though he wasn’t singing, just swaying and smiling because Alex was so into it. He didn’t seem as quick to figure out the lyrics as Jungkook and Alex were, and he wasn’t familiar with the headliner band which was kind of a shame, that he hadn’t studied up, but at least he’d come to support Alex. That was… nice. But like who the fuck didn’t know Kings of Leon!?
This was the new normal. And Jungkook needed to prove he could be cool about the new normal. He had to lock himself into the new normal because it’s not like the old normal would work anymore anyway. Maybe, he considered, this was actually better that if Alex wasn’t going to hold his wrist while he was the one with his arm draped around her shoulder and his nose stuck into her hair (ok, maybe Hoseok gave her a kiss? Jungkook used to do that just to smell her shampoo), she at least was happy doing that with someone else. Maybe this was actually better than if Alex let Jungkook do those things but they meant nothing to her even in the absence of someone else doing them for her. It would be pathetic for him to secretly pine for his best friend who didn’t have any interest in him like that. He’d never do that! He wouldn’t do that now. He had to work on getting over it, and her having a boyfriend who kissed her nose before he went to piss was a good tool to help him get over whatever his silly little stupid love feelings were for her.
Or at least it would be.
Someday.
Eventually he’d figure out how to see her smile after a nose kiss and not feel a grumble in his chest because obviously he would just chomp her whole nose to make her wrinkle it up and hit him in the stomach and then he’d steal a real kiss while he was hunched over coughing for breath and then maybe she’d feel bad and caress his face–
Ah. No she wouldn’t. The problem with fantasizing about your best friend when she didn’t want you that way was that it ran the risk of breaking your heart. And Jungkook was not into that idea. No heartbreak here! Yeah, it sucked he was in love with Alex and it wasn’t returned, and he had realized it too late to even try and convince her to give it a try. But… it’s not like he would have done that anyway. He fucked, he didn’t feel. Usually relationships didn’t work out and he’d seen enough of his friends go through heartbreak to know he wasn’t interested in it. And it would have the added risk of losing him his best friend? Nah, man, keep it.
Honestly, he thought he was being incredibly mature about the whole thing. Yes, he was watching to make sure Hoseok deserved her and as soon as he saw proof that the guy didn’t, he’d be quick to do… something. Not sure what, and for now it didn’t seem to matter because Hoseok just continued to seem mostly annoyingly awesome. And Alex continued to seem mostly annoyingly happy. And the most annoying thing was that Jungkook was being conservative with that “mostly.”
Alex was happy. And he loved her enough to be glad she was happy. Especially when there was zero indication she wanted him to be the one to make her even happier. Maybe he couldn’t. Maybe this was the only thing he could do to contribute to her happiness. Just stay the fuck out of the way.
Fuck. He was glad the opener started a feeler-song at the right moment to distract him from that path of dark wallowy thoughts he refused to look at. Wallowy wasn’t hot. Pussy game was definitely going to take a hit if he seemed like he was pining for some girl– wait, but would chicks find it endearing? Could it get him more pussy?
He felt kind of numb to the idea though. He didn’t want pussy right now, shockingly. He wanted to close his eyes and smile at the swell of music. And since he couldn’t take Alex’s hand, he reached out and ruffled her hair instead.
She, predictably, punched him on the arm, and laughed, “It’s so good!” Energy matching his. Of course it did. Because they matched!
Hoseok reached out to fix the strands of her hair that Jungkook had mussed.
Was he crazy to feel like there was something intentional to that? Hoseok had seemed casual when they’d arrived, polite, but Jungkook felt watched. Shouldn’t he at least trust Alex that things were fine, even if he didn’t trust Jungkook?
Jungkook wanted to ask Jimin if he got that feeling too, but worried that would mean explaining the whole incident to him. He had told no one. He didn’t want to ask Alex either in case it upset her. So instead, when the opener stopped and they had the awkward amount of time to hang, Jungkook reached over Alex’s head and asked nudged Hoseok to ask,
“Hey, wanna go get some beers?”
“We should go pee before Kings start,” Alex suggested, completely ruining his plan. He should have known though, that pea-sized bladder of hers. He’d had to whisper-catch her up in movies how many times when she couldn’t hold it any longer and had to waddle-run to piss? Sometimes he jokingly did it at concerts too, just long enough to annoy her as he sang the wrong song over the one currently being played to catch her up on the songs she’d missed.
“Are you going to the restroom?” In’am asked, leaning around Jimin and Jungkook both. Further down the line, Jungkook could hear this echoed like birds on a telephone wire.
So they all went. The whole fucking line of their friends, kindergartners on a fieldtrip to the restrooms, weaving through the crowds of people doing the same. Sometimes at shows, depending who they were seeing, the women’s bathroom had a much shorter line and Alex was almost through the snack line by the time Jungkook finished up and went to find her, but this time the audience was pretty even and Jungkook was through the bathroom in a breeze.
Hoseok conveniently beside him.
Before anyone else could join them, Jungkook elbowed him, “Hey, let’s get some beers before we head back. We won’t want to leave again once the band starts.”
Hoseok looked confused but followed Jungkook away from the restrooms, only mentioning once they were in line, “Alex said she didn’t want a drink.”
“What, telepathically?” Jungkook laughed.
“No, before we came here. She doesn’t want to have to leave the show for a bio-break.”
Bio-break. Jungkook briefly saw red. Bio break. Fuck, what a corporate goon– and the insinuation that Jungkook didn’t know all about her biological need! He’d been going to shows with her since Hoseok was in business school or whatever impressive thing he’d done for college.
“Yeah, bladder the size of a pea, amiright?” Jungkook laughed. He didn’t like the way Hoseok’s brow furrowed and his head tilted so he instinctively hunched his shoulders and lifted his hands to shadowbox the moment into a more playful one but just as quickly realized that if things were already awkward he might as well cut to the chase.
“Hey–” He began just as the crowds behind Hoseok jostled him right into Jungkook. He stepped fully on Jungkook’s Docs, the very ones he’d found thrifting with Alex when they were hunting for things for their apartment. They weren’t the Prada ones he’d had his eye on for years but you couldn’t go wrong with Docs. These things would outlive everything, even Hoseok stomping on them.
“Ah, sorry sorry,” Hoseok said, looking flustered as he righted himself. “It’s so crowded!”
“You don’t go to shows often?”
“Ah, no, not really… the last one I went to was Lady Gaga.”
Jungkook just nodded and refrained from commenting. Not that there was anything wrong with liking Lady Gaga! Would Alex have fun at a Lady Gaga show? Probably, as long as there were seats and she didn’t get crushed. Lady Gaga was fine. He could go to a Lady Gaga show with Alex if she really wanted to–
Off track. The line shuffled forward and Jungkook saw the heads of their friends in the distance, so it was now or never.
“Hey, just want to level with you,” he rushed out, leaning close so as not to attract eavesdroppers around them in line. “I already worked it out with Alex but I know she told you about uh, the stupid thing I did while I was drunk.” Hoseok’s eyebrows lifted. Jungkook didn’t know what that meant but it annoyed him anyway. Quickly he added, “It was a mistake, it’s never happened before, it won’t happen again. Don’t want you to think I’m trying to steal her away or anything.”
“Ah, I see.” Hoseok pursed his lips and nodded.
“Yeah. So… yeah, that’s all. You don’t need to worry about me. I get plenty of tail, Alex isn’t like that.”
Hoseok looked up like he was trying to make sense of the very normal thing Jungkook had said. That annoyed him too. But he swallowed that down and smiled and clapped Hoseok on the shoulder.
“OK? Cool. Sorry I kissed your girlfriend, man.” He grinned, even laughed as he said it, to seem casual. “Congrats on that, though!” Damn it was getting hot in this crowd of bodies. A cold beer was sounding really good now.
“On… Alex’s kissing technique?”
Jungkook swiped the hair back beneath his bucket hat and shrugged, “Yeah or whatever, on dating her. I meant it like good for you, not for me, you know? Things don’t need to be awkward between us because I’m not competition. She’s basically my sister.”
“I know.” Hoseok smiled as he said it. Jungkook bristled. Wait, was Hoseok a total dick?! The impulse to grab Hoseok’s shoulders and shout actually I know everything about Alex, more than you can ever hope to catch up to; I love her better and more and longer than you are capable of; the only thing that keeps me from being your competition is that I respect her choice, even if I don’t like it was hard to resist. But no, even that monologue wouldn’t satisfy; what it really made him want to do was prove he was steep competition. He wanted to prove he could steal Alex with one hand tied. He wanted to make Hoseok regret saying that.
But this was one challenge Jungkook would not rise to. It’s about Alex, it’s about Alex, it’s about Alex, he repeated to himself. Alex wasn’t a Ninja blender or a Slushie machine or a fuzzy slingshot monkey he could win with tickets. Alex was a person and his best friend.
Now if Hoseok wanted to turn out to be an asshole and crash and burn on his own and Jungkook could just sweep up the pieces from his moral high ground, he would jump at the opportunity!
But Hoseok might beat him at that game too, because he now clapped Jungkook on the shoulder and insisted, “I’m glad you two worked it out. She said everything is good and she’s a strong woman with her own mind, right? She tells it like it is! I know she’d be sad to lose you as a friend. Ah, here, let me buy your beer.”
“No man you don’t have to do that,” Jungkook insisted as they reached the counter.
“Hey, why didn’t you wait for us?” Jimin called up the line from where he stood near the back.
Jungkook laughed and waved his hand like there was some joke Jimin should understand, hoping to pass it off. Scrambling to think of a cover for why he’d gone off with Hoseok, it confused him at the point of ordering, which meant Hoseok wound up paying for his beer, and a soda for Alex, and a glass of wine for himself.
Jungkook found that an interesting beverage choice for a concert but all right. He didn’t say anything because apparently Hoseok thought Alex had meant she just didn’t want beer, when Jungkook knew she would have meant she didn’t want anything to drink. She was going to end up with a UTI, dehydrating herself like that. But if Hoseok brought her a soda she might feel compelled to drink it and– ah, ok, he might very cleverly be doing a kind boyfriend thing, even if she fussed about having to run to piss at least once during the set.
They headed back, Jungkook swinging by to tease the others about taking too long to piss. It meant he walked alone back to his seat to find Hoseok and Alex already there, talking and laughing with May and Minxi. He hesitated because Minxi was in his seat. He could move to another one but then they’d get permanently stuck in those seats for the show and that was his seat. He wanted to sit by Alex. He’d really worked to engineer that seating arrangement.
So he cleared his throat and grinned at Minxi, “Hey that’s my chair but if you get up for a sec you can sit in my lap. It’s a lot more comfortable.”
“Really?” May snickered. “Your bony lap?”
Jungkook gasped, “Jesus, I don’t have a boner! That’s not what I said!”
“Bo-ny. Bony! I’m talking about boners, gross boy!”
“I was just being nice. May. What the fuck. Indecent. You’re sick.”
Minxi covered her eyes and shook her head, “Thank you so much for your kind offer, JK, I think I’ll just move down…”
“Wow,” Alex teased as he sat in his reclaimed chair. “Haven’t seen you that lacking in game since you were twenty-one? Twenty?” She had somehow procured Nachos at lightning speed.
“I’m not trying to use game on Minxi, I just wanted my seat back.”
“Oh! Right right, no game, just sulky baby.”
“I’ll give you sulky baby with your little baby snack,” he taunted without thinking about it, reaching down to try and pinch the side of her neck. “Need to stand on your chair so you’ll be able to see the band, crispy shrimp?”
She scrunched her shoulders up and teased right back, “Sounds like someone regret choosing beer over Nachos. Get your own, you fucking raccoon.”
“How dare– no, now I am obligated to steal yours.” He reached out to grab one and she twisted and lifted to try and keep them away from him.
Unfortunately, the rough-housing jostled Hoseok’s arm, knocking his red wine all over his shirt and jacket. Alex yelled and tried to somehow stop the liquid by grabbing Hoseok’s arm, but it just sent the rest of the wine splashing across Jungkook’s gray shirt too.
“Oh my fuck,” Alex gasped, looking back and forth between them. “Oh my god I’m so sorry–”
“Yeah, real childish,” Jungkook laughed and tugged her hair. Damn, no way to really get the wine out right now. The lights dimmed and a roar went around the stadium as the band prepared to come out, so Jungkook instantly forgot about it.
But Hoseok was still standing with his arms out, staring down in horror. His shirt was yellow and he had a light denim jacket on for some ungodly reason, both now coated in bright red wine.
“I’m so sorry,” Alex said again. “I’ll replace them– I can pay to replace them. Napkins… hey does anyone have napkins?”
At this rate Alex was going to miss the opening moment. It annoyed Jungkook that Hoseok looked like that. It was just some fucking wine. They were at a concert. You had to dress assuming someone was going to spill something on you.
“I’m uh– I’m going to go see if I can find something to buy and try to rinse this in the sink,” Hoseok said, setting the empty plastic cup down beneath his seat.
Alex grabbed his arm, “Ok, I’ll go with you, I’m so sorry–”
“You’ll miss the band.”
“Ok, you’re sure?”
Alex might not be able to see it from her height but Jungkook could, the flicker across Hoseok’s face. He had expected her to insist on going.
“Hey, anyone got a Tide to go pen or whatever?” Jungkook called down the line. “Alex is getting wild down here!”
In’am was already asking the question too, and a moment later Rebekah passed one down, which Jungkook handed over Alex’s head, as if the little pen would be enough against the sea of red. Mostly Jungkook just wanted Hoseok to hurry up and go because any second now the music was going to start and that first moment was always so good and he didn’t want Alex to miss it.
“I’m so sorry, Hobi–”
“Yeah, I’ll be back…” He gave her a weak-ass smile and hurried away.
Jungkook didn’t mean to look any particular way, but Alex still scolded him, “Don’t look like that! I get it. No one wants to sit around covered in wine for a whole show… it’s going to stain his clothes and he dresses so nicely…”
“Yah, what am I? Chopped liver?” Jungkook demanded, motioning down to his sleeve, side, and chest speckled with large red splotches. Her eyes widened even more and he realized he’d pushed too far. She was genuinely distressed, almost to the point of tears. Did Hoseok make her like that? Had he reacted badly in the past when she’d spilled or dropped something? Messed something of his up? He didn’t have to make such a big deal. Yeah it sucked to get wine on your clothes but obviously Alex felt bad, he didn’t need to make her feel worse than she already would. It was an accident.
He threw his arm around her and squeezed, “Hey, spills happen. With you it happens a lot, has he not learned that yet?”
She punched him right in the gut–
And left behind several smudges of yellow nacho cheese.
“I’m a mess!” she wailed.
“What the fuck is going on over there?” Jimin demanded, peering around; In’am was doing the same, and passed down a packet of wet wipes someone had dug out of their bag. Rebekah again. The only prepared adult among them, apparently.
But the lights went down, the roar went up, an opening chord played and Jungkook grabbed the wet wipes and shoved them into his pocket so he could take her hand with his free one and ordered,
“Who the fuck cares, stop worrying about it. Just close your eyes…it’s starting…” He shouldn’t have had to tell her, that’s always how they started. He’d taught her that. So they could fully, for those opening notes, just take it in and live in the music. That wasn’t an exclusive thing with Alex; he lifted his arm to balance it on Jimin’s shoulder too, who also had his eyes closed, holding In’am’s hand, so maybe he’d passed the importance of that moment along to his fiance as well. Jimin had been to almost as many shows with Jungkook as Alex had and this moment was important and hey, it hadn’t been on purpose or his fault or anything but he was kinda glad Hoseok was gone for just this minute. In five minutes or ten he’d be back wearing a Kings of Leon shirt and hopefully he wouldn’t be a dick about it if it wasn’t his style and he could soak his clothes when he got home and maybe they’d be ok. In five, ten minutes Alex would be Hoseok’s again but for just these few minutes, Alex was his.
That would have to be enough.
And for those couple of minutes, it was.
One more night, one more night will you stay here?
Ooh when you see yourself are you far away?
Is it night or day?
When it comes to you, if you reach the moon,
Can I be there too?
“Pickles?”
“Ok I’m starting to feel like you only like me for my pickle,” Alex called from the kitchen.
“No no, that’s your new nickname,” Rebekah assured her, coming to lend a hand this time with the carrying of the food. Which was good because Alex was definitely about to balance too many plates, cups, and bowls on her arms and probably spill them everywhere. She prematurely cringed about it, even though she hadn’t done it yet, but because now it recalled another instance in which she had spilled shit on or around Hoseok and he’d given her that endeared but also dissatisfied smile and gently scolded her about being more patient and asking for help. AS IF he had somehow already figured out in the scant few months they had dated that those were the things she struggled with. What, was he paying attention to her or something? Ghastly. He should stop that.
“All right, what’s an acceptable thing I can call you back?”
“Rebekah. Bekah if you’re feeling bold.”
Alex snickered and pressed, “I’ve always thought it’s funny how you hate ‘Becky.’”
“Ok Al.”
“But see, that doesn’t bother me. Why would it? I’ve been called so much worse–”
As if cued, the front door swung open just as Rebekah and Alex walked past it, hands full, and Jungkook shouted, “Yo Tony! Help a Broseph out?”
“Tony?” Rebekah repeated, confused.
Alex rolled her eyes and lifted her hands as she passed the front door, “Sorry, Broey, hands are– what the fuck is all that?” She stopped walking and stared as he tackled his way through the door, arms overflowing. “Are those… pillows?!”
“I dunno they were on sale at Target,” he said from somewhere behind the pile of bags in his arms. “Move your ass, slothface, I can’t see around this.”
She had to dive out of the way as he nearly knocked the food out of her hands.
“Why didn’t you take more than one trip?!”
“Uh, because I didn’t need to? I can’t– you really can’t help me? Fucking useless…”
“Hey asshole!”
“I’m kidding, you’re a snack,” he huffed, then swore as he stumbled on his own fucking boots tumbled beside the door and slammed into the wall trying not to drop everything.
“Jesus,” Alex gasped, rushing to set her food down on the laundry basket. They really needed to get a coffee table.
Rebekah beat her to it though and was the one to actually ease two of the bags out of Jungkook’s arms.
“Gee thanks for the late assist– ohhh, Rebekah,” he smiled, voice changing. “Shit, so sorry. Uh, thanks. Sorry, I’d never talk to you like that, you deserve so much better.”
Rebekah had that smile she always reserved for Jungkook as she assured him, “No, it’s fine. What is all this though?” Alex was left without anything to grab as Jungkook and Rebekah dumped everything down on the sofa; Alex dragged the laundry basket away so nothing would get spilled.
“Just some things,” Jungkook said. “You know, Target was having a sale and whatever, end of summer or whatever…”
“Target sale?” Alex asked, face screwed up because Jungkook only ever went to Target for electronics or because she made him. Despite the fact he had a blast every time they did because he always found some stupid thing he was excited about, like his Yoda fleece blanket or the retro Etch-a-sketch he’d left Alex infuratiating messages on by the bathroom for weeks. He had been obnoxiously good at it. “Why were you in Target?”
“Uh, yeah, they had a uh– I needed some new sheets and I was out of deodorant and batteries and uh– and you know you complain when I steal your shampoo. I had a coupon for toothpaste–”
“Jungkook,” Alex warned, because this was exactly what he did when he tried to lie to her. Overexplain without actually explaining, refusing to make eye contact because he knew he’d crumble, breaking off sentences as his little scrambled egg brain tried to find a way to change the subject but failed. He scratched the side of his nose and noisily crinkled one of the bags with his other hand the gig was up.
But Rebekah, dear sweet Rebekah, saved him by pulling FIVE pillows out of two of the bags as she gasped, “Oh, they’re really soft! Are they for your bed?”
The laughter bubbled out of Alex. Jungkook hated pillows. He thought decorative pillows were stupid. He thought bed pillows were an annoying necessity. He kept exactly two, one of which was distressingly flat. He’d told Alex it was the result of fucking so many girls onto it, that their asses wore it down, but he’d had that twinkle in his eye that could also mean he was exaggerating. It might have just been a shitty pillow. She suspected it might be like twenty years old. The other pillow was fine but also the one he let the occasional girl who spent the night use, so Alex usually brought her own when she crashed in his bed.
Not that she did that anymore. The horror of the idea of Hoseok having to ask her not to sleep in her male friend’s bed was enough of a deterrent that she just made that a rule on her own. She’d be jealous if Hobi was sleeping in some girl’s bed, even Amy’s. Too often she woke up all tangled up with Jungkook, sometimes hands up shirts or legs twisted together; Jungkook liked to spoon. She had this mental movie of Hoseok walking in and not believing her explanation that it was innocent. One night after heavy drinking she’d woken up with no pants on, only panties and her shirt up around her tits. Thank fuck she’d been the first awake so Jungkook hadn’t seen that!
Rebekah held up a dusty rose velvet pillow and a white square pillow with a blue octopus stitched into the fabric. A third shaggy white square looked like something dead. The fourth dark blue one had tassels and the words This is home in cursive. The last peeked from the bag: light pink, round, with big pink balls sewn all around the edge.
“That looks like a diseased boob,” Alex blurted out, lifting it. It jostled the bag, revealing two soft velvety blankets inside, the kind you snuggled down with on a couch. If you were like a rich or fashionable person, or had something against Jungkook’s baby Yoda blanket. It looked like him, and Alex couldn’t point it out to him because he wouldn’t get it, but she laughed every time she saw him wrapped up in it.
Jungkook pointed, big dark eyes as wide as could be as he demanded, “You see a boob? Hey, Alex, have you considered you might be… ah, sorry Rebekah. I didn’t buy it because it looks like a…”
“You totally did.” Alex rolled her eyes.
“Uh, I have them too,” Rebekah scoffed. “You can talk about boobs in front of me. I don’t mind! It’s not like I’m some…” Alex and Jungkook waited but now Rebekah looked embarrassed and just pointed at another bag, “What’s in there?”
“Clock.”
“Cock?” Alex gasped, knowing full well that wasn’t what Jungkook had said. She just wanted to see if she could make them both feel more awkward.
“Sorry, was that you trying to sound straight? It’s too late,” Jungkook returned as he lifted a round faced black and white clock, the cheapy ones like you saw in college dorms or elementary school classrooms.
“Why did you buy that– oh, time management for your fucks? You’re stacking them now?”
He rolled his eyes, “No, to hang up in here so we can know what time it is.”
“Phone. I have a phone.”
“If you can’t reach your phone,” he argued. “Or the electricity goes out so the stove and microwave are wrong.”
“Wouldn’t affect our phones…”
“This is a normal thing to have on a wall!” he insisted, suddenly flustered, and turned to lean it against the wall. Alex wondered how long it was going to just sit there before he got rid of it; she couldn’t imagine him hunting down a hammer to hang it.
But then, lo and behold, he pulled out a cheap tool kit and tossed it onto the floor beside the clock.
“Tools,” Alex snorted. “Who are you?”
“I can fix things!”
“We have a tool kit… somewhere…” They did. They used it when they moved in and had to build all their furniture. And then Alex never saw it again.
“I gave that away,” Jungkook waved his hand.
“To… who? Why?”
“This girl– I had to fix something at her place and– it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t go back for it.”
“You fixed something at some girl’s place? What the fuck? Fix something here!”
“I am!” he frowned. “Yeah, I can fix things! I’m not incompetent. Just show me what’s broken and I’ll do it!”
Alex stopped talking, mouth open, confused by his defensiveness outburst. She glanced at Rebekah, whose eyebrows raised as she turned away to set the pillows on the couch. Was he trying to impress Rebekah? Was he annoyed about how he’d look in front of her? That didn’t make sense, but also why did Alex feel compelled to name something broken? She wasn’t sure whether that was to taunt him or soothe him.
“Uh… I don’t think… anything?”
“Yeah,” he said, as if he’d won some argument, as if he was the reason nothing was broken right now. More like because Alex was willing to draw blood with their landlord to get things fixed. “Well we’ve got tools now so let me know.”
“Ok…”
He was being weird. He looked angry as he pulled the blankets out of the bag and threw them onto the couch.
“You bought couch blankets?” Alex asked gently. “...Why?”
“Sale.”
“Ok…. um… anything else good?” she asked, trying to smile and seem casual and push past whatever his sudden grumpy mood was. “Oh… babe,” she realized –and slipped on the petname in her teasing– “was this a comfort shop? Did a pussy appointment cancel on you last minute?”
His face scrunched up into a fist, “No! I told you I needed some things! No one canceled on me.”
“Oh, so you’re going out? Ok great we can crank our movie up. There’s a really raunchy sex scene apparently–”
“You didn’t tell me that!” Rebekah gasped.
“Why, you nervous?” Alex teased.
Rebekah huffed and hugged the shaggy pillow, “No, I just– what kind of movie is this? How raunchy?”
“It’s fine–”
“I’m not going out,” Jungkook said, tugging up one bag tight and slinging it over his shoulder. “I bought snacks.”
“Snacks?”
“Ah, now your eyes perk up…” he mumbled as she looked in another bag.
“These are… you bought new dishes?”
“We have like three cups.”
“We have more than that,” Alex argued.
“Yah, how many are in your room right now?” he teased. “I’m not touching those until you wash them.”
“Only a couple! I clean them out before Hobi comes over…” she admitted with a laugh at her own expense. Actually these days she kept her room cleaner than she ever had in her life. It was exhausting. Hobi did not understand how cozy it was to take a nap on clean laundry scattered across your bed that you were going to fold eventually. Hobi folded his clothes as he took them out of the dryer. A lot of his clothes he hung up to dry. It was impressive and insane.
Rebekah too had returned to the remaining bags. They dug through the snacks Jungkook had indeed bought; clearly he’d gone on a rampage down the snack aisle. Also in the bags were other odds and ends he’d bought during this “sale” –refills for the scent diffuser; a giant wooden cup she wasn’t sure what he meant to use for; a farmhouse decor style pair of wooden wall hangings for the kitchen, one which read “Tasty Kitchen” and the other which just said “Kitchen” but had a giant rooster and chicken on it. A purple vase.
“Why did you buy all this stuff?” Alex asked as he returned. She showed him the kitchen signs, “Is this a joke?”
“Um…” He froze and looked at her like he was almost hurt. Like he was panicking. It was weird. She’d thought for sure he picked these signs as a dirty joke. Cock and hen kitchen? Tasty kitchen, like his cum or something? But she could tell in an instant by his expression that he hadn’t thought of those things at all, that apparently these were sincere purchases. An exploration of his… style? No, that didn’t make sense. Farmhouse chic or Tuscany or whatever this was?! They weren’t his style at all!
“Oh a Brita! Finally!” Rebekah gasped, pulling out the box in the last bag. “I’ll go set it up…” She whisked away to the kitchen and that was the last straw for Alex.
“A Brita? Too good for tap water now, huh?”
Jungkook crossed his arms and drew a deep breath and let it out like he was bracing himself for battle.
And then pointed out, “Your boyfriend doesn’t like the tap water here.”
Alex’s eyes narrowed.
“Yeah? I know that. That’s why I was trying to keep bottled water–”
“Don’t waste money on bottled fucking water,” he rolled his eyes. “I got this so we can just refill it and now he won’t get dehydrated.”
Alex watched his back as he went to dig around the snack bag. He pulled a few things out, then seemed to change his mind and just pulled the whole bag up.
“That’s… thoughtful,” Alex said slowly. “But why waste your money on it? Why did you buy all this stuff for our place?”
“I told you, there was a sale. Now what’s this movie we’re watching? Let me change into something comfier first.” He gave her a charming grin before he set off for the kitchen.
“What do you mean ‘we’?”
But sure enough, once they’d unloaded the snacks and Jungkook made his own dinner and put on sweats, he settled right down on the couch.
Between them.
“So what’s this movie?” he asked around a mouthful of sandwich. It formed a massive ball in his cheek; it made his eyes look especially cartoonish as he glanced between them.
“You’re being weird,” Alex told him.
“Because I want to watch a movie with you?!”
“Yeah, why is that weird?” Rebekah asked. “I thought you two watched movies together all the time.”
“Yeah but…” Alex couldn’t explain it. Jungkook watching a movie wasn’t that weird, sure. But it was a Friday night. And he’d just spent a bunch of his money on stuff he always thought was stupid. And he’d bought a Brita water purifier as a favor to her and her boyfriend?? Major sus!
She glanced at Rebekah, who was also waiting for this grand reveal; there was no way for a moment of privacy, so Alex just lowered her voice to ask Jungkook sincerely, “Are you… ok?”
“No,” he said, face falling. “I’m actually dying, Alex. That’s why I bought decorative pillows, so you’d have something– ow ow! Hey!” He broke off, leaning against Rebekah as Alex punched his arm. “Save me, Becky!” he cried, and pressed his face into Rebekah’s shoulder.
Rebekah laughed and flapped her hand at Alex, completely unbothered apparently that Jungkook had called her Becky, and called, “Ok ok, ceasefire! I think the pillows are nice.”
“He bought five.”
“Should we start the movie?” Rebekah suggested without further comment.
To be honest, it pissed Alex off. She knew Rebekah and Jungkook were joking but, for a brief moment she felt a flash of blinding rage that Rebekah would playfully defend Jungkook against her. That Jungkook would turn to Rebekah. That she was the outsider in this moment rather than the literal connection.
“Aw, Grumple Skrunkle,” Jungkook teased, and pinched Alex’s nose shut to make her sputter. “Yeah, hit it,” he told Rebekah, but then leaned forward himself to push play on the PlayStation controller balanced among their things on the laundry basket. “Oh I found a coffee table on craigslist,” he added, pointing at her, wagging his finger exactly like his mother did. “It needs to be restained but it’s free, I’m picking it up first thing tomorrow but I need your car, your trunk is bigger than mine.” Then he tried to wink as he added, “It’s one of your best assets.” He’d never quite mastered winking though, he always closed the other eye too, but insisted he didn’t do it even when Alex showed him photographic evidence, and insisted she was just racist, at which point she usually tried to choke him or kick the back of his knees.
Instead of commenting on the wink, she got stuck on, “Uh… we don’t know how to restain something.”
“I found a YouTube video, it’s fine.”
“What the fuck…”
“Shhh,” he said, because the opening credits were rolling, as if he was the one who’d been looking forward to this all week. He didn’t even know what movie they were watching until five minutes ago. It was a Friday night! Usually he’d be out fucking things and doing people!
She held off asking again until they’d finished eating, but when Jungkook paused the movie to load all their dishes into the laundry basket and take them to the kitchen, Alex began to wonder. She wasn’t anything unusual here. This was just a normal Friday night for her. But Rebekah wasn’t always here on a Friday night. Was that the difference? Was Jungkook trying to impress Rebekah?!
She grabbed her phone, ready to text Jungkook: remember the rule no fucking my friends. But he got back too quickly, and probably if she texted him right now, Rebekah would see it. And if that was what Jungkook was getting at here, Alex’s text might accidentally be the thing that made Jungkook and Rebekah talk about it! And decide to go for it! Friendship be damned!!!!
Jungkook plopped down again between them, hit play on the controller –now on the ground– with his big toe, and then flipped one of the blankets open across all three of their laps. The next move felt like the obvious farcical step; he let out a deep sigh and lifted his arms over their heads and stretched them along the back of the couch, pressed against both of their backs, hands hooked around their shoulders. Not even subtle.
Rebekah giggled as Alex sighed, “Kookoo…”
“Oh right sorry, you have a boyfriend…” He lifted his arm away from her, which put him a little closer to Rebekah. “Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked Rebekah.
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s nice to snuggle while we watch a movie.”
Alex made a retching noise in her lap that almost went too far.
“Yeah, don’t make yourself puke for real!” Jungkook cried, knowing. She hated that he knew! She hated that he’d seen it happen before. She just had a suggestible gag reflex, ok?!
Now flustered and annoyed and not sure how else to remind Jungkook he was not allowed to fuck her friends, Alex grabbed his arm and yanked it back around her shoulder and huffed,
“Don’t be such a fucking weirdo, either of you, it’s just a movie. And stop doing things with your toes, it’ll weird my friend out!” He’d been using his toe to tug the blanket a little bit lower to cover his feet. It wasn’t quite big enough for everyone to spread out but with his arms around their shoulders anyway, they were almost tucked close enough. It was really only meant for two.
“It’s fine,” Rebekah assured her. “It’s kind of impressive.”
“It’s not impressive when he pinches you, trust me, it’s like a fucking lobster, especially if he hasn’t cut his–”
“I keep my nails short!” he interrupted, scowling at her. “Don’t say shit like that.”
“You do. It’s really impressive. So many men don’t seem to care about how their feet or hands look but your nails are always nice,” Rebekah complimented him.
“Can you turn the movie up? I can’t hear,” Alex spoke over whatever appreciative bullshit Jungkook was about to say. He tried to hit it with his toe but the TV remote was harder to control that way. He had to bend down to pick it up once he’d dragged it closer with his foot; he let go of Rebekah’s shoulders to do it, keeping his arm around Alex. That was a little soothing, if her request managed to get between them in more ways than one.
“The snuggling is going to get real awkward when we get to the sex scenes,” she joked.
“Maybe for you,” Jungkook shrugged.
“Uh, no? I’m not the one who will be weird about it.”
“Who, me?!” Rebekah gasped. “Ok let’s be clear about something, I have a sexual history–”
“I meant JK,” Alex laughed.
“Oh… ok…’
“Are you kidding? Two hot girls and me–”
“Ok stop talking,” Alex said and covered his mouth. She expected him to lick her hand. Instead he just opened his mouth and breathed warm breath against her palm, which was way weirder. “God you’re weird.”
“Yeah, hey can you put the balled tit pillow behind my head?”
“So you admit it!”
“I’m never admitting anything and you can’t make me,” he said, and squeezed her shoulder. “Now stop making noise and watch the movie.”
“I thought you liked noise,” she said, trying to joke, trying to draw out Jungkook acting the way he ought to. Not that he wasn’t. But his arms around them both felt weird even though they snuggled plenty of times while watching movies. It wasn’t a big deal! But was it a big deal for Rebekah? Alex thought she seemed a little too happy. And Jungkook looked smug.
Suddenly he turned his face down to hers and whispered, “I know I’m hot but the screen is that way, Song.”
“Fuck, your ego is just… it’s so big it’s blocking the screen.”
“Oh, baby, that’s not my ego, that’s–”
“A lame joke, try again.”
“No, there’s a movie on, shush.”
The ‘shush’ did her in. She glared, but he just grinned at her, and for some reason that exchange soothed her. Their little quips were just like they’d always been and it was comforting. Silent communication, that was a thing they could do, they could have a moment like that and understand each other, and Rebekah wasn’t a part of that at all.
And also… Jungkook wouldn’t. He had messed up so big with the whole kissing her thing a while ago, he wouldn’t just throw another rule out the window to get his dick wet with Rebekah. He had no problem getting his dick wet, he didn’t need to fish in Alex’s pond for that.
Unless… unless he actually liked Rebekah?
But no, that wasn’t a Jungkook thing to do. He didn’t like girls like that. And if he did– Rebekah was great, she really was, but their personality types were all wrong together! They weren’t similar enough or opposite enough for it to make sense!
She would remind him of the rule though, just to be safe. Later. Once she wasn’t busy pinching his thigh and ribs and nipples every time he squeezed her shoulder and tickled her neck to try and make the jump scares worse.
It was disorienting to wake up with Alex in bed with him. He rolled towards her, legs curling around, arms flopping across her lap. Dream and reality fused together, and everything smelled like her, and she was always so warm to sleep next to. He missed that. It’d been so long since she’d crashed in his bed. He liked rolling into the warm space she left behind when she got up first, and breathing in the scent of her shampoo where she’d leave it on her pillow because she always forgot it and had to come retrieve it later. He never put it back for her.
“No, Jungkook, wake up.” Her voice was raspy and sharp in the quiet of early morning. She was shaking his shoulder. “Wake up, I need a favor…”
“Huh?” He squinted at her, one eye barely open as his brain started to drag itself out of that foggy warm happy half-asleep place. He pushed himself up and rubbed at his face before he was awake enough to stop his hands, afraid he’d give himself pimples.
“Alex?” He turned towards his phone on the nightstand but didn’t move to touch it. “What time is it?”
“A little before five,” she said. “I’m so sorry to wake you up… my car won’t start but I have to be at work in ten minutes and I’m kind of freaking out and there aren’t any Lyfts available right now… fucking suburbs…”
She was talking too fast. He pressed his fingers to her mouth and blinked, trying to clear his head. He didn’t remember any particular dream but thought it had been nice and he regretted being pulled from it. Or maybe it wasn’t a dream, maybe it was just that hazy nice space of being curled around her in bed, thinking of other times he’d been like that–
“Can you just… just ride in the car and wake up on the way and then drive yourself back afterwards?” she asked.
He yawned and blinked at her again, still confused. Why was she sitting on the side of his bed dressed for work? Why was his brain doing this? Oh shit was he about to have a sex dream about her in her uniform?! She wasn’t wearing her apron though, but maybe he could put that on after her clothes were off… he looked down but he wasn’t wearing his work uniform, so this wasn’t a joint uniform dream–
“Jungkook, wake up,” she said, taking hold of his face and squishing his cheeks. “I’m sorry but can I have a ride to work? My car won’t start.”
“Yeah? You need um… oh you need a ride to work?”
Not a sex dream.
“Yes.”
“Ok. Yeah. Yeah of course, let’s go.” His body wasn’t quite obeying yet but his brain propelled him forward, out of bed –suddenly Alex shot up and called out that she’d meet him at the front door and please to hurry, she’d drive there. He was on his feet before sensation caught up with him and he realized he might have bumped his semi against her arm or something… No, he didn’t think it was that noticeable. Maybe she was just in a rush to get to work.
Oh shit, yeah, she was late, he realized as he looked at the clock on his phone. So he pushed himself to wake up faster, slipping on his sliders by the front door and grabbing his keys and wallet.
“I really appreciate it,” she said. “Sorry I woke you up so early.”
“Yeah, what’s wrong with your car?” he asked, following her down the stairs.
“I don’t know! It just keeps turning over. I don’t know if the battery is dead or it’s out of um… oil or something? Here, give me your keys, I’ll drive while you keep waking up.”
“I’m ok to drive.”
“Just give me the keys,” she insisted, and honestly she was probably right so he slid into his own passenger’s seat while she got behind the wheel. She’d be breathing down his neck probably if he didn’t drive fast enough anyway.
He yawned and turned the radio off when it blasted too loud on starting, and suggested, “I’m not working today, I can take your car in. Did you leave your keys upstairs?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Eh, it’s fine,” he shrugged. It was weird to see the world as bright as it was so early in the morning. He was never up this early unless he’d just stayed up from the night before. It was further disorienting right now as he dragged his brain out of sleep. Part of him still felt curled up in bed with Alex and her long soft hair and her fluffy pillow. Even though he hadn’t actually been, he realized. A dream. A wish.
“No, don’t, why would you do that? I’ll just figure it out when I’m off today.”
“We’ve got dinner with–”
“Yeah, I know!” she laughed. “What are you the family calendar keeper now?”
He shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe you forgot now that you have another family.”
“Oh stop.” She hit his arm but only lightly. “Fuck, I can’t believe my car– shit, my phone is ringing, can you–” She lifted off the seat just enough for Jungkook to dig her phone out of her back pocket and glanced at the screen.
“Chesley,” Jungkook read.
“Yeah can you answer, tell him I’m there in like six minutes…”
“Hey. Alex’s car wasn’t working this morning, she’s on her way now,” he said as he answered. He vaguely knew who Chesley was.
“Who is this?”
“Her roommate.”
“Ohhhh ok that confused me, you don’t sound like Hobi. Did she forget her phone too?”
“No, she’s driving right now and struggles with multitasking outside of work.”
“Uh… ok, is she ok?”
“Yeah. Five minutes she’ll be there, bye.”
“Fuck fuck fuck,” Alex mumbled under her breath, radiating stress.
“It’s fine,” he insisted. “You’re like eleven minutes late. What’s going to happen, someone gets their coffee five minutes late?”
“People don’t handle their coffee being late very well.”
“Well they can go fuck themselves, it’s just coffee. It’s not like you broke your car on purpose.”
“Yeah but people don’t care…”
It took him until she zipped into the parking lot to really wake up, but by then he teased her, “Hey do I get free coffee now?”
“There’s nothing made but if you want to hang out while it brews, sure.” She barely put the car into park before she threw her door open, clearly not engaged with his little joke.
“Hey, it’s fine. You’re here now–” he started as he too got out of the car to walk around.
“Thank you for the ride–”
“Yeah, is your deed and everything in your glove compartment?”
She froze as he reached the driver’s side, and demanded, “Why are you insisting on that? I’ll take it in later, it’s not a big deal.”
“Do you have roadside assistance?”
“No that costs money…”
“Yeah, I’ll deal with it, it’s fine,” he shrugged. “Go work.” He jerked his head towards the front door where two of her coworkers leaned, waiting for her with the keys.
“That’s weird. Why are you being so weirdly nice?”
“I’m just nice, Jesus Fuck. Talk about people who need their coffee,” he huffed. “Get out of my car and go to work!” He backhanded her ass as she darted away without thinking about it; belatedly he blamed his sleep deprived brain. He’d even had to bend down to reach, there wasn’t a way to play it off as an accident.
He sank back into his seat but didn’t pull out of the space right away.
There had been something in Chesley’s voice when Jungkook had answered. Maybe he was imagining things, but he thought Alex’s coworker at first thought he’d just caught her in bed with someone else. Or was that just Jungkook daydreaming? Wishful thinking? He was sure of it though and that it changed instantly once Jungkook said who he was, as if the threat was obviously nullified. Of course, just the roommate, not someone Alex was at all tempted by romantically. Not when she was dating Hoseok, who everyone loved. Guess Hoseok would be the next face of Starbucks or whatever, since everyone loved him so much. They’d replace the mermaid on the cup with his face. Hobucks. Yeah, fucking Hobucks.
Jungkook had to adjust the seat and mirrors in his car before he could drive again. Alex was such a shrimp. He wasn’t even that tall but his knees were in the steering wheel. It was like a Minion driving his car, except grumpier. A cute grumpy pre-coffee stressed-about-running-late Minion.
There was something intimate to him about her driving his car, even for just nine minutes. They drove each other's cars sometimes, it happened. She was a careful driver and he knew she’d be careful with his car. One time when they were much younger, she’d bumped a parking post in his car. Barely scratched the bumper but she’d had a total meltdown over it, and he’d actually felt like an asshole, if she’d expected him to be that worked up about his car. Yeah, he took care of his car as best as he could, but he knew it was an accident. He wouldn’t have torn her to shreds over an accident or anything, and so he’d always made a point after that of being chill if something got broken or ripped or stained because at the end of the day people were always more important than things.
Besides, it was cute watching her drive his car, the way she had to sit up so high and peer over the wheel because his seat didn’t go as high as hers. He had to keep special pads around the seatbelts because they hit her collarbone weird and gave her cuts and rashes. Actually he’d learned all about that, how cars weren’t really designed for women’s bodies. That had definitely gotten him laid in the backseat of this thing more than once, though his days of backseat hookups were long behind him because he was a fucking adult now with a bed in his own room.
Not for the first time, Jungkook found himself wondering if Hoseok ever evolved that way as a person or if he still thought everyone existed to be managed and tidy. He was very particular about his Elantra; Alex had told Jungkook how immaculate it was kept, not a single straw-wrapper left inside. Would he have let Alex drive his car? He still thought sometimes about how Hoseok had reacted when the food got spilled at that Kings concert; he’d come back in a new shirt and seemed kinda tetchy to Jungkook for the rest of the night, like he wasn’t having fun and didn’t want to be there and couldn’t even phone it in for Alex to have a good time. She worried about Hoseok having a good time more than she ought to. She cared too much about people around her.
Well, Jungkook was trying to return the favor. He’d added a few things to their apartment in an attempt to make it a nicer place to be, so maybe she would stop just going to Hoseok’s place all the time. He was afraid she’d start to resent their apartment. He wanted her to enjoy coming home to it. He was going to restain the coffee table; Appa had agreed to help, he just needed to buy the stuff and find a time. Appa even had the sander they could use. Maybe he’d do it today–
No, he was going to get her car fixed today. Because she hated going to the car place and he knew a little bit (very little) more than she did about cars. She’d be so grateful when he gave it back to her later, and what could Hoseok say about it? It was just a nice thing to do! If Hoseok had a problem with it, he’d look like the asshole for suggesting that other people couldn’t do nice things for Alex. Would he have offered to take her car in if she’d woken up at Hoseok’s place with a car that wouldn’t start?
Ugh, probably.
But maybe not. Maybe Alex wasn’t close enough to rely on him for things like that yet. Well Jungkook would be so fucking reliable. He was a great roommate. Alex benefits from living with him.
He decided it was true and it left him smug instead of pathetic feeling as he tried and failed to fall back asleep and went to the gym instead, and then kindly did not steal Alex’s shampoo when he showered and– ok, fine, used some of her conditioner to jack off with but only because it was right there and he was up earlier than he’d wanted to be. A favor for a favor! It just made the steamy shower smell so fucking good and he liked pleasant smells when he jacked off and it’s not like he was imagining Alex or anything. He didn’t. He firmly resisted those thoughts, which sometimes delayed his release as his brain struggled to fight off the mental image of her in whatever filthy position he was trying to play out in his head. Filthy. So fucking filthy, the dirtier the better, because Alex would never be in that position and–
Ah, his brain always tried to trick him like that. What position, this one? She would never do this? Why, because she’d be shy about it or because you’re worried about her straining a muscle? Which muscle? You’d need to help her rub it out? That would be nice, right? How nice?
It wasn’t that he thought jacking off to your best friend was some deep evil sin. He’d jacked off to the image of plenty of women he was attracted to but would never get a chance with. It’s not like she could read his mind. It’s not like she’d know. And how many times in his life had he insisted to friends that inside your head was a free, lawless place?
But ah, he wasn’t sure that was true in this instance. He was afraid of what would happen if he just gave into those thoughts. He was afraid it would make him awkward around her. He was afraid it would make him desperate. He was afraid it would rip to shreds this very careful net wall he had tried to put up as a compromise between what he wanted and what she wanted. He was afraid that if he let himself fantasize about all the things he wanted to do to her and do with her, it would start filthy and then turn serious and then turn sweet and then probably filthy again and soon his mind would lose its grip on reality and he wouldn’t be able to sit across from her at the table anymore and be casual and chill and convince them both that this was fine.
Because it was fine. It was fine! Being in love with your best friend was a breeze when you had the self control he did. And one thing he knew about maintaining that self control was this: no cheats. No sweets when he was dieting. No minor indulgences when he was saving money for something. No sitting down for breaks when he was at the gym, only active breaks. Young Jungkook, Jungkook 1.0, had terrible self control and what had it gotten him? No girlfriends, no game, no date to prom, and mediocre grades. Jungkook 2.0 had it figured out. Don’t make rules unless they matter, and if they matter, never break them.
Like kissing Alex. Bad idea. And as a consequence, he was now in love with his best friend and watching her fall in love with someone else. He was working to push through all of that, but cheating the rules would just make it worse. He didn’t want to know what might come pouring out. He didn’t want to see how pathetic he might be. He didn’t want her to have to put up a thicker wall between them.
So this was fine. It was fine! For now, he was the one she shook awake to give her a ride to work at five in the morning. Maybe he could even outlast Hoseok and it would always get to be him…
NO. No cheats. No cheat thoughts, no cheat fantasies, no indulging that part of his body that wanted to react in ways it shouldn’t when he got to spend time with Alex. His heart! Not his dick. Although that too! But yeah he had a heart and he was not interested in some big tragic heartbreak, which he was afraid this could become if he let it. So he just wouldn’t let it!
Getting her car fixed took the better part of his morning. She was going to freak about the $600 cost but when the guy replacing the battery (Jungkook had guessed that right! He’d had to jump her car to get it to the shop and couldn’t wait to brag to her about the fact he’d done this! And met a very hot neighbor who’d recently moved in and told him to give her a buzz sometime–) –but when the guy had mentioned her break pads were worn, he couldn’t tell the guy not to fix those. Breaks were important! Whatever, if she didn’t have the money right now she could take her time paying him back. He’d get by.
She’d put on their shared Google calendar that her shift ended at 12:30. Yes, they had a shared google calendar; no that wasn’t as weird as their friends made it seem like. They both put their work things on there so they could remind each other back in the days where they kind of sucked at being adults. They were better now but the habit of the calendar stuck, and it was convenient to keep things like friends' parties on there, or to be able to quickly see what the other's work schedule was when trying to plan something, or when bills were due, or when someone was traveling.
So at 12:30 he rolled into the parking lot at her work in her newly fixed car and strolled in tossing her keys in his hand.
The ‘hey babe, your wheels are ready, let’s roll’ died on his lips as Alex called the goodbye to her co-workers and turned away from the counter, nudged by Hoseok’s hand on her shoulder. It meant they saw him at the same moment, with equally as surprised expressions.
“Oh! Jungkook? Uh… you didn’t have to come pick me up,” she said, stepping towards him. “Or did you want that free coffee now for the lift?”
Lest Hoseok think Jungkook was the kind of guy who only did a favor for a favor, he quickly assured her, “No, no coffee, I’m taking a nap after this. Spent the morning getting your car fixed.” Oops, was there something in his voice? He didn’t realize he felt annoyed until he heard it in his terse tone. He twirled her keys around his finger. “Battery was dead dead and also your breaks were worn.”
She grimaced, “Oh shit, sounds expensive…”
“Like six hundred… you can take your time paying me back if you need to,” he insisted at her hiss.
Beside her, Hoseok suggested, “Huh, I wonder if my guy could have done it for less… where did you take her car? My guy is really good, I was just telling her–”
“Matt’s great. Best in the business,” Jungkook insisted. He had no fucking clue what the auto shop guy’s name was. He barely recalled the name of the place, either, he just knew where it was and always went there because Appa went there.
“I really appreciate it,” Alex said, reaching for his hand to take the keys. “You didn’t have to do that. I know it’s a boring errand and it wasn’t even your car–”
“Yeah but you need your car working.”
“Oh yeah sorry didn’t mean to disturb your beauty sleep,” she teased.
“You can disturb it any– uh, I mean it’s not a big deal or anything,” he said, shifting tone mid-sentence. Goddamnit talking to her in front of Hoseok and trying not to push any buttons was annoying. He never thought about these things before because things were so casual and easy and fun with Alex but now having to second guess everything he said to her was exhausting. “It’s fine, I’m your roommate, that’s what we’re good for.”
Hoseok butted in again, “She was telling me how hard you are to wake up,” he laughed. “I told her she should have called me! I was already up and getting ready for my shift anyway, I could have swung by and picked her up.”
“Nah, no need to go out of your way, I was right there.” He hadn’t released her keys, still holding them above her head to see if she’d jump, or if he could taunt her into punching him. Would she do that in front of her boyfriend?
She did. Right in the stomach, though not enough to do any damage. He doubled over in mock pain just so he could grab her hand for a second, then let her wrestle the keys out of his fingers as he laughed.
“What happens if an employee assaults a customer in here?” he joked.
Hoseok laughed, “Sorry, you know, I don’t work in corporate anymore and this isn’t my shop…” He seemed so nice and friendly when he said it, but Jungkook wasn’t sure whether to trust that or not. Honestly, were the roles reversed right now, he’d be seething with jealousy, having a hot guy like Jungkook grab his girlfriend’s fist into his stomach and knot their fingers together when she stole the keys from him–
Look, Jungkook had never claimed not to be an asshole.
“This is my shop,” Alex insisted. “I make the law here.”
“Ooh scary. I’m so threatened.” Jungkook took her keys right out of her hand again and held it above her head.
“Whatever,” she scoffed, “You have to use it to get home anyway.”
His head tilted and he lowered the keys, “Oh, you aren’t coming?”
“Well my plan was to head to Hoseok’s place to nap until dinner time.”
“Yeah same– I mean, not at Hoseok’s,” Jungkook corrected.
“You’re welcome to join,” Hoseok suggested. He thought Hoseok’s smile was a little forced. But so was his as he realized now that he’d come here not only for nothing, but that he was supposed to awkwardly leave alone. In Alex’s car. So he could go home and nap alone in his bed while Alex went and probably fucked Hobi and then took a nap afterwards. And he’d meet them for dinner and be the one at the table who knew they’d both worked that morning and then had a little afternoon fuck’and’nap. And he was the one who’d spent the morning at the car shop with her car –not for a sexual favor or anything but still! Still.
Alex must have realized it too, how pathetic he was, because she looked guilty as she rushed out, “Shit, I feel bad you came all the way here to get me… I didn’t ask you to!”
“Yeah, you didn’t say you were calling Hoseok, I didn’t want to leave you stranded since i had your car–”
“And I told you not to do that! You really didn’t have to, it’s so nice but you didn’t have to–”
“Uh, that’s what friends do. Why are you being weird about it?” he demanded because she was making him seem weird about it.
“No I know, I really appreciate it.”
“Yeah, sounds like it,” he frowned. “K, I’ll take your car home. See you tonight. Guess you have a ride to that too–”
“Jungkook, why are you sulking–”
“I’m not sulking. I’m tired and I’m going home now.”
“Jungkook…”
He didn’t like the way she sighed his name and this was embarrassing, there was no graceful way to exit the situation. Anything made him look either dopey or dumb. It didn’t help that they followed him out of the store, and that Alex bumped into him playfully on the way to Hoseok’s car.
“Seriously, I appreciate it. I owe you a big inconvenient errand too now. And you can wake me up at an ungodly hour, I won’t even be mad. And I can give you the money, show me the exact amount and I’ll transfer it to you today.”
“Yeah, you’ve got it?”
She whispered, “Yeah it’s been a little easier to save since Hoseok pays for a lot of stuff, you know? Plus you shouldn’t be out for my car. I’ll give you a tip too, I’ll pay you extra!”
“Don’t give me a tip,” he quickly frowned. “I don’t work for you.”
“I know, but–”
“I’m just your friend. You don’t have to make it weird. I was just trying to be nice when you asked me for a favor.”
“You are nice. I know. Now go nap, I’ll see you tonight, ok? Don’t bail on me!”
I’m not the one who bails he mumbled to himself, and got into her car alone and drove himself home alone.
***
“So there’s Jimin three plates in–”
“Samples. Samples! Not plates!”
“And me and the baker come out of the back where she was showing me the kitchen, and the girl working is so confused why Jimin is sitting at this table eating all this cake–”
“I thought those were our samples!” Jimin complained, covering his face.
“You thought you’d just sit at a table and help yourself to a bunch of cake sitting on it?” In’am laughed. “You didn’t think it mattered what I thought about each flavor?”
“I left you some of each one…”
“So what were the cakes actually for?” Luisa asked.
“Taste test for the new menu,” Jimin sighed. “But I gave the baker my feedback so… so no harm done!”
In’am snickered, “Except for the massive stomach ache you got after we finished the tasting.”
“Yeah, I never eat that much sugar. Only for you!”
“Such a sacrifice, duly noted,” Alex offered by way of keeping things moving along.
Dinner was not what she had expected, to say the least. Jungkook had shown up, so that was at least one good surprise, because he’d sulked home so hard earlier she thought he might have locked himself in his bedroom. Then Taehyung and Sabina canceled at the last second, and Namjoon kept saying he was on his way but was running majorly late. Seokjin had brought Luisa, which was another good surprise –Hoseok explained Seokjin was so nervous about meeting new people he needed more of a teddy bear to cling to than Hoseok could be since he’d be by Alex’s side, and Alex had wanted to ask why he felt like he had to choose, but she liked Luisa so it wasn’t a problem! And Luisa was the one to suggest the backup restaurant when they’d shown up to the first –to the sushi place the guys had fallen in love with while Alex was out of town with Hoseok– only to find it unexpectedly shut down for healthcode violations. Yikes.
People bailing on dinner wouldn’t have been such a problem except that bringing Seokjin along felt to Alex like a further step in merging her friend groups, and she wanted a good showing. She had hoped Hoseok and Seokjin would like the sushi place though thank fuck she hadn’t given them food poisoning. Luisa’s backup tapas place was fun though, the food was great, and they didn’t even have to wait too long for a table on a Saturday night. There was a coin fountain and Alex got the hostess to turn a dollar into pennies and then convinced Jungkook to do trick shots with her at the fountain until their nails hurt. Everyone wound up giving it a try and Jungkook had looked predictably smug when he’d been able to land a good shot, though Seokjin had the clinch flick, apparently, and Luisa had made a joke about it that made Seokjin cover his face.
And the food was great, the sangria was greater. Everything was fine. Why did Alex feel like it wasn’t? She felt so on edge, like there was some expectation on her to make this go perfectly. This was always how it felt after there was any kind of awkward moment with Hoseok or Jungkook, even just a mixup about who was picking her up after work, and it was exhausting. But she recognized that it didn’t mean it was actually a problem. Everyone was fine now. It wasn’t her job to make things perfect!
“But what I want to know,” she said, “Why didn’t the girl working the counter say something when you just started eating all that cake?”
Hoseok waved his hand to answer first, “Ah, I read a study about that! If you pretend you know what you’re doing, people believe you and they won’t interfere.”
“Or she just wanted to see what would happen,” Jungkook suggested.
“Ah, I couldn’t do that,” Hoseok laughed. “You have to keep an eye on people! I’ve had people –we give out samples at work sometimes and they’ll just come pick up the entire tray. Or they grab ten of the little cups. That’s more than a whole croissant!”
“We have to watch people too. If someone comes in and starts lifting merchandise, I have to stop them,” Jungkook argued. He sounded defensive and Alex didn’t know why. Maybe because he definitely took multiple samples if given the chance.
“Well there’s mall security,” Alex pointed out. “They don’t expect you to intervene in a robbery, right?”
“Oh, do phone stores get robbed?!” Luisa gasped. Alex watched the conflict on Jungkook’s face because it was pretty funny. His fuckboy instincts told him to say yes and lean into the admiration this could bring, but he also clearly marked Luisa as Seokjin’s girlfriend (they were not, at least not yet) and he seemed to want to get along well with Seokjin. Which she appreciated. Although it was weird to watch Jungkook try not to shamelessly flirt with someone. The loss of entertainment was tragic so that she almost clarified Luisa’s single status to grease the wheels but something stopped her. Maybe they’d actually gone official. Maybe Jungkook was picking up on something she was oblivious to.
Instead he turned it on the poor waitress, who seemed to be tripping over herself to make his meal a good one, always talking to him as if he was the head of their group. When he asked her lowly for another drink, just water this time, she leaned in and asked him to repeat it. Alex did not think it needed to be repeated.
“You didn’t like the sangria?” Jimin asked him, because obviously the whole table had been able to hear his order. “It’s so good. It’s better than that shit you guys made in the sink.”
“Hey! That was… drinkable!” Alex defended.
“In the sink?!” Luisa repeated. “You don’t have a bowl?!”
“Not as big as a sink!”
“I saw this TikTok, they made sangria in the bathtub–” Seokjin began, which Jungkook picked up with, “Yeah, the one where the guy gets in it naked?”
“Gross!!”
“I don’t think anyone drank it but the guy,” Seokjin laughed. “Still…”
“That was always a rule my mom taught me, don’t drink anything your butt has been in,” Hoseok joked. Alex could just envision it; she hadn’t met his mother yet but she’d heard plenty of stories and seen pictures by now. His mom seemed kind and fun and no-nonsense in a way she hoped she would be able to get along well with. Assuming they met, of course. But they probably would. Eventually. Oh god. Soon Hoseok would meet her mother for her birthday dinner with her family.
Oh god it already made her nervous… her mom could be so nosy!
Namjoon interrupted her premature panic with his sudden arrival, even though the food was almost gone; he appeared out of nowhere and slid into the empty chair at the foot of the table.
“Shit, sorry I’m so late, that was…”
“What happened?” Jimin asked.
“Oh, hi I’m Namjoon…” he paused to introduce himself before sighing, “I was going to bring this girl I’ve gone on a couple dates with now, but a pipe burst in my house, so I was there trying to mop it up and she’s sitting on her phone and starts asking me all these questions about hey, do I know a Jungkook Jeon–”
All eyes turned to Jungkook, whose own eyes went very wide, mouth open wide for the bite of chorizo on toasted bread he was about to shovel in.
Namjoon nodded, “Uh huh. Happen to know a Seychelle?”
“Not Seashell!” Alex gasped. “You’ve been dating her?!”
“Um…” Jungkook looked like he was starting to sweat. “Yeah…” He kicked Alex under the table.
“Yeah, turns out she didn’t realize we know each other –which I don’t fucking understand how because I’m on your Instagram, and how many Namjoons does she think live around here?! But she was like ‘oh wait that was your bathroom!’ when I brought her into my house to deal with the flood and I didn’t know what she was talking about…”
Jungkook hastily swallowed his massive bite, choking a little; Alex handed him her own water because his was empty and he chugged the lump down before insisting, “I’m not dating her though. You can still date her if you want.”
“Kind of you, man, thanks for your permission–”
“No! I mean, it doesn’t have to be weird just because I uh… know her in the biblical sense– I mean, she’s good, right? SO yeah man, get it! Good for you! She’s uh… a nice girl!”
“Oh my god,” Jimin cackled and covered his face as Alex let hers slump into the crook of her elbow on the table.
“No, not good for me.”
In’am arched her eyebrow and asked, “Why, you have a problem with a woman with history?”
“What? No!” Namjoon defended. “I don’t care about that… I mean… it’s not like it’s a competition between us,” he said, gesturing to Jungkook.
“Yeah I’m sure you’re ok in bed,” Jungkook assured him. He looked delighted. Alex thought he was probably eager for Namjoon to not be mad at him, though Alex felt like it wouldn’t have been fair. It wasn’t Jungkook’s fault he’d fucked a lot of women– ok, well, that was his fault, but being fucked (past tense) by Jungkook shouldn’t exclude a woman from a datable list for anyone else. Especially because uh, that list was pretty long. There might not be a lot of single women left in the tri-city area if you had to filter that list out…
For a brief moment Alex wondered how many women he had actually fucked. Like what was the actual real number, not just the joking numbers they talked about? Fifty? Eighty? Over a hundred? Two hundred?!
It made her stomach twist, which was embarrassing because she didn’t want to be slut shamy of Jungkook. She wasn’t! She admired and supported his slutty behavior. Sometimes he got free stuff because of it and she got to benefit! Good for him! She wasn’t sure why it made her feel a little sick, but decided it was more about her own lack of experience. It made her feel insufficient. Lacking. She knew that didn’t make any sense but she glanced at him and just thought he knows things about sex and bodies I will never be able to keep up with. Not that it was a competition or anything but just… he was on such a whole different level. He probably knows more about a woman’s body than I ever will and I HAVE a woman’s body…
“I’m incredible in bed,” Namjoon glowered. “But Seychelle won’t get to experience it again –which she will regret, believe me– because suddenly she had all these questions about you.”
Jungkook’s brow scrunched up as he demanded, “What questions?”
“Wanted to know why you dropped off the face of the earth. Apparently you haven’t updated your instagram in a month and haven’t been posting on snap chat and whatever else, I don’t know, she was just clearly more interested in knowing what you were up to than focusing on– man, I went on like three dates with her and thought she was cool,” Namjoon sighed and let his head hang.
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook said. “That sucks. If it helps, um… well maybe you can just tell me who you’re going on a date with first and I can let you know if I’ve ever uh met them before, if it matters to you.”
“It doesn’t matter to me as long as they aren’t comparing us or thinking of you the whole time or whatever. It’s fucked up! Sorry,” he said to Luisa.
Luisa quickly insisted, “I think you have dodged a blade, if she is so concerned about someone else and instagram. She goes on three dates with you and is still asking about another man? It sounds like you aren’t looking for the same thing I think?”
“Dodged a blade,” Alex repeated. “That is so much cooler sounding than dodged a bullet.”
Suddenly Jungkook added, “Also hey if you want help meeting women, I can help you out. I helped Alex, you know.”
“What?! You did not!” Alex guffawed.
“Uh, I did. I tried at least. You kept shitting on everyone I showed you.”
“Yeah, he’s not good, don’t let him help you,” Alex said to Namjoon. “I found Hoseok on my own, hands down better than anyone Jungkook showed me.”
“You don’t know that because you didn’t date any of them.”
Jimin grinned and rested his chin on his hand, urging, “Tell us more about your great taste in men, JK.”
“Well, no, I just mean… I have a lot of contacts. I can make introductions. Honestly. It’s the least I can do for uh, interfering… even though I don’t think I actually did anything wrong here…”
“Maybe you should fuck less good and then women will be relieved to meet Namjoon since he’s clearly better boyfriend material,” Alex suggested without thinking.
“Ah, thanks babe,” Jungkook winked at her and clicked his tongue. Then froze, eyes going wide as he noticed Hoseok, and stammered, “Uh, I mean…”
“I didn’t mean that as a compliment!” Alex cried, realizing her own mistake. “I mean, I don’t even know how you are, maybe you’re bad and Seychelle just–”
“I’m not bad,” Jungkook defended.
“--wanted to know if Namjoon would be bad by association.”
“She already knew I was good,” Namjoon argued, reaching forward to take uneaten food from plates.
“Wow, really? By date three? Ah, I’m so glad you’re slower to move like me,” Hoseok said to Alex, which meant he missed Namjoon’s facial reaction. It was not pleased.
Seokjin quickly suggested, “I think he meant just that if you move quickly maybe she thought it was casual sex and that’s why she could ask about Jungkook… were you exclusive?”
“No, not after three dates but…”
“Three dates isn’t too soon to fuck,” Jimin argued, earning a look of amused disbelief from In’am. “Come on, how long did we wait? It felt like an eternity but…”
“Five dates.”
“Yeah, an eternity. Would have been two if I’d had my way…”
“Yes, that’s all I meant,” Hoseok quickly insisted. “You waited until she was ready because you were serious. We did the same. I don’t know, maybe I’m too slow! I’m slow about things like that…”
Alex took his hand beneath the table and grinned at him, “That’s ok though, I am too. Glacially slow.”
“Yes but you just need to find someone who is compatible with you,” Luisa advised. “If you’re both fast or you’re both slow, it’s all right. No one is confused.”
“Well but fast and slow can work together,” Jungkook argued. “A relationship involves compromise. The fast person can slow down and be reassured in other ways that the other person is serious about them even if they want to go slow. That’s not a problem.”
Alex stared at him, baffled, and demanded, “Who have you gone slow for? Who are you and what have you done with Jungkook?!”
“I’m just saying I could and would go slow. For the right person! Jimin, Namjoon, any of us, right? You’d have to be a piece of shit to rush a woman who didn’t want to be rushed–”
“But you move too fast to figure out if a woman is the right person,” Jimin laughed. “You’re fucking her so quickly, maybe afterwards you’re like oh shit, she was the one but I already blew it…”
Jungkook’s smile had a degree of shyness to it as he laughed, “No no that hasn’t happened.”
“Yes, our resident relationship expert,” Namjoon muttered. “I hate when you give decent advice.”
“Oh god, Joon, don’t take relationship advice from him!” Alex gasped. “Talk to literally anyone else in our friend group.”
“Hey, I give good advice,” Jungkook scowled at her.
“About getting laid, not about falling in love. If I had taken your advice…”
He looked genuinely upset now and pressed, “What bad advice did I give you?”
“You told me to have sex fast and stop thinking so much about it!”
At the groans around the table, Jungkook defended, “Ok wait wait that’s out of context, I didn’t say that. Don’t say that, that makes me sound bad! I only give you good and careful advice and look, now you have a boyfriend you’re happy with so why are you blaming me?”
“I’m just saying.”
“The purple thing, right? I told you just to wear anything that would make you comfortable and he’d like it. I encouraged you! I was right about that too, right?”
“Purple thing?” Hoseok repeated, eyebrow arching, and Alex wanted to crawl under the table. Oops. Oops oops fucking oops, this was not where she’d meant the conversation to go.
“Ok ok you’re right, I’m just joking,” she insisted. “You gave me good advice. I know. You can listen to him, Joon.”
“Maybe you should get relationship advice from people in successful relationships,” Jimin suggested.
“Or just follow your own heart,” In’am countered.
“Ask a woman,” Luisa added. “Oh, unless you also date men?”
“I– why? Do I give off those vibes?” Namjoon asked her skeptically. Luisa shrugged.
Jimin snickered, “Why, Joon? Someone else say that to you recently?” Namjoon sighed and rolled his eyes as Jimin happily shared, “He’s been getting hit on men a lot. Apparently I’m a pretty good wingman…”
“I know men! I can introduce you,” Jungkook tried, like he had something to prove here.
“I’m not paying for any of this food,” Namjoon announced and continued to stuff his face.
Hoseok suddenly leaned in close to Alex’s ear and asked, “What purple thing?”
“Oh, it’s… it’s nothing… a thing I bought to wear on our trip but I wound up not needing it.” She beamed at him, remembering how easy and comfortable she had felt with him… eventually. “Something fun for another day.”
“And your roommate saw this purple thing? Is it the kind of purple thing I think you mean…”
Alex froze. Obviously she should not admit to her boyfriend –post kiss– that Jungkook had in fact seen her in the lingerie she had bought to wear for Hoseok. But she also didn’t want to lie to her boyfriend.
“Lingerie,” she whispered back. “It’s just something nice I ordered because a girl he was with had something like it and recommended– I can show you–”
Liar liar liar!
She broke off as Hoseok suddenly sat taller, his face lighting up as the live band across the restaurant suddenly made a comment about salsa dancing taking place in the building behind the restaurant.
“No,” Seokjin sighed, looking instantly between Luisa and Hoseok.
“You dance?” In’am asked, then waved her hand at Hoseok, “Of course, Alex told us all about you used to dance.”
“Let’s go,” Jimin agreed. “Finish eating, quick.”
“We have to pay!”
“The dancing is just starting, there’s no rush.”
Alex let out a deep sigh. Hoseok seemed to have instantly forgotten the question and she could avoid answering it for now, at least until more time was between that kiss and now. It had been over a month now and yet she still felt like she was a matador when Jungkook and Hoseok were in the same place.
She was tired of that. Both had said they would be simple and good. Why didn’t it feel simple and good yet? She wanted that to stop now, thanks.
In fact, it was going to. Enough was enough! She wasn’t going to stretch herself awkwardly like this. Tightrope walker? She wasn’t born for that. They were going to have to sort their own shit because everything was fine and she was not going to enable awkwardness a moment longer!
So she clapped her hands on the table and agreed, “Yeah, let’s dance! I can’t dance for shit but let’s do it and I hope my boyfriend doesn’t dump me over it!”
“Noooo don’t even joke like that, of course you have my heart no matter how badly you dance.”
She felt an instant flush. His words left her briefly speechless, they were so sweet, leaving her to scramble to throw her card down when it came time to pay and finish drinks and avoid looking at anyone so she wouldn’t burst into flames.
Hoseok put his hands on her shoulder to steer her forward and leaned in close to whisper, “Don’t worry, I mean it. I’ll teach you all I know. Maybe later you can show me something purple.”
*
Honestly, Alex thought Hoseok might have gone out of his way to fluster her the rest of the evening. His dancing was intimidating to witness. He made it look so easy to move in ways her body simply couldn’t keep up with. He was sweet and encouraging as he taught her steps, and laughed with her when she’d feel awkward sliding her hands down her body or up into the air, or when he did it for her. But it was worth the slight embarrassment to watch him move.
At one point she sat out for a while; she pleaded with him to dance with Luisa instead so she could rehydrate with Seokjin at the edge of the dance floor. Hoseok was reluctant at first but Alex insisted, swore it wasn’t a jealousy thing, begged to just watch him dance for a while, and she didn’t regret that even if the awe was definitely mixed with envy. Luisa was as graceful and natural as he was, and their bodies seemed to roll and spin and bend together.
It kind of felt like grief, honestly. Her body wouldn’t look or move like Luisa’s, even if she dedicated all her time to trying, and usually that didn’t bother her but right now the dream of being able to move like that kind of got to her. It was one thing not to want something because you didn’t care. It was another to feel like it was beyond your reach. Hoseok clearly loved dancing and Alex sucked. She would never be able to keep up with him.
“Why are you sitting out?” Jungkook asked, suddenly at her other elbow.
“Why are you sitting out?” she countered. “Notice you haven’t been short a partner.”
He feigned sheepishness, “Well, you know, there’s always more women than men at these things…”
“Collecting phone numbers as souvenirs?”
“Why is he dancing without you though?” he asked, gaze fixated, like hers was, on Hoseok and Luisa.
“I wanted a break. I can’t keep up with him! And I wanted to see what it looks like to really watch him go… isn’t he beautiful?”
“If you say so,” Jungkook shrugged.
“Come on, objectively speaking.”
“Objectively speaking, he fucked up letting you out of his sight. Come dance with me now.”
“What? Wait, no, this is my break– Kookieeee,” she whined to be as annoying as possible as he grabbed her arm and dragged her out.
She looked back to Seokjin for help but he just laughed, “I’ll guard your water!”
“How come he gets to sit down?”
“Fine, I’ll dance with him next,” Jungkook joked, then turned to face her. She didn’t like how smoothly he did it, lower lip taught, a mischievous glint in his eye.
“Don’t do fancy things, I can’t keep up.”
“I don’t know fancy things.”
She scowled at him, “That’s not true, I saw you dancing.”
“Oh you were watching me, huh?” he arched his eyebrow. “Come on, hand up,” he said, reclaiming one of her hands and lifting the other to his ribs.
“I’m tired–”
“One dance, Alex. He already taught you the step. Back two three, forward two three–”
“I’m not that fast,” she complained because unfortunately Jungkook, just like Hoseok, made it look easy. She knew he could dance well but really? Even salsa? He moved so fluidly, hips swaying attractively as he dragged her forward and backwards. What had happened to the awkward stiff way he moved as a teenager? This sucked. He’d changed and she hadn’t. Everything was stupid.
“That’s ok. One two three, two two three. Back two three, front two three–”
“Don’t count, it doesn’t actually help me it just stresses me out–”
“Ok ok no counting,” he assured her. Hoseok had been counting and she hadn’t realized it bothered her but Jungkook doing it now brought back that same insistent, disappointed voice in her ear –which was a horrible way to think about your boyfriend trying to teach you how to dance!! But she couldn’t keep up and as patient and sweet as Hoseok was about it, she knew she was holding him back. She didn’t like feeling like she was holding someone back. She’d rather watch from the sidelines. But then Jungkook had stolen her from there.
Suddenly Jungkook nudged her side to side instead of back and forth.
“I look like a Barbie doll trying to do this,” she joked. “It’s the only time in my life I look like a barbie doll. My legs are like –you know the way their legs don’t really bend.”
“You’re doing great,” he insisted. She could tell by his vacant look he was counting in his head.
“You know I have no rhythm.”
“Just–”
“If you tell me to ‘just feel the rhythm’ I will punch you in the nuts.”
“Ah did Hoseok– he’s very good.”
“I know, I told you.”
“But you’re good too. It’s just supposed to be fun–”
“You can’t even say that with a straight face,” she glowered.
He leaned a little lower and kept an intentionally straight face as he repeated, “It’s just supposed to be fun.”
“Dancing is fun for people like you who can do it.”
“It’s not that different than swing,” he said, and suddenly lifted her hand and spun her in a circle. As he returned his hand to her ribs, he accidentally brushed her tit. “Oops. Sorry.” He didn’t look sorry.
“Did you learn to dance just so you can cop a feel with girls on the dance floor?”
“Not girls with boyfriends,” he promised. Then, “Hey. Stop trying to count in your head, you’re getting confused.”
“How can you tell?”
He laughed, “Your face goes blank.”
“No yours does! Stop talking, I’m hopeless at keeping up then–”
“Alex.” He stopped her, just made them both stand still right there in the middle of the dance floor, in the middle of all the people swaying and spinning and gyrating around them. It felt terrible. It was so wrong to be standing still and awkward in the middle of that. She felt like a rock, like a big slow solitary rock. “See?”
“See what?! This is so awkward,” she said, and pushed him to try to get him to dance.
“Nothing happens if you dance wrong. It’s only awkward if you’re worried about the other people. Who gives a fuck? It doesn’t matter if you’re on time with the music or look like a professional or whatever it is you’re so afraid of.”
“I don’t care what other people think. Stop being weird–”
“Then stop counting and just have fun. We look stupid at home, we can look stupid here, it doesn’t matter.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“That it doesn’t matter?”
“You don’t look stupid,” she pouted.
“And no one who matters thinks you look stupid either. Except when you make that ugly face while you count in your head–”
“Shut up!” she laughed and stopped counting to prove a point. Her moves were off the beat, she could tell. She was clumsy following his lead, even though he was just nudging her forward and back and side to side with an embarrassing predictability –except nowhere near the beat. Totally of it it. Just a mess. But as soon as she’d start to get uncomfortable dancing wrong, he’d spin her and that was fun; for a second she felt like a dainty lady, though she wished she had a nice swirly skirt on or heels or something besides white jeans and sneakers. Yeah, she was wearing white jeans! And she hadn’t dumped anything on them yet! Hallelujah, it was a miracle –as miraculous as the fact that she was laughing as Jungkook spun her out and then back in, his arms wrapped around her from behind.
“Oops, your toe.”
“That’s ok, don’t need ‘em.”
“No?”
“Conversation starter,” he joked. “Women love to pity a man.”
“Well men don’t love a dance partner who looks like a fucking Nutcracker.”
“It’s a unique style– hey are you going to puke on me if I dip you?”
“Why would I puke on you– but no don’t!”
“Ok ok.” He pretended like he was going to anyway and she grabbed onto his upper arms so tight that she had to actually disengage her finger muscles. “I wouldn’t drop you, kitten,” he complained.
“I’m not a cat.” She swallowed. Kitten should be on the list of unapproved nicknames for sure.
“You are such a cat.”
“I’ll just land on my head and crack my head open–”
“I would never allow that to happen.”
“Accidents happen, I go down hard–”
“Oops, this way,” he suddenly said, and practically lifted her from the floor to turn her away from where they’d almost bumped into another couple. They were probably hard to predict because they were so off rhythm. She couldn’t believe Jungkook would tolerate looking this clunky on the dance floor when there were possible lays watching, but he seemed to be having a great time.
And honestly, she was too. As long as she didn’t look at anyone else or think about them looking at her, it was fun to play with Jungkook. It was fun to have his attention. It was fun for those brief moments where the stars aligned and he managed to push or pull or spin her in a way that made her feel like she looked cool. She looked cool with one of the most attractive guys in the room. For the moment, she was the chosen one.
Jungkook’s voice threatened to pull her out as he interrupted her Star Moment to say, “Hey, you know it’s ok to follow your own rhythm, right? You don’t have to match someone else’s if you don’t want to.”
It was so strange it made her pause and look up at him, fumbling the step so that she stayed put and he stepped into her, pressing her race right into that musclebunny chest of his. It sounded like a line from a movie. Scripted. It didn’t sound like Jungkook at all and yet it… did? An older, more mature, less recognizable Jungkook?
What the fuck was going on with him, giving fortunte cookie advice like that?!
“I turn my back for two minutes,” Hoseok laughed, coming up to them. “I didn’t mean to leave you bored! You said you wanted a break!”
Jungkook stepped backwards and was immediately separated from them by other dancing couples. It was dramatic and unnecessary. It wasn’t like Hoseok was mad or could be mad just because she danced with a friend. She could dance with Jimin and Namjoon and Seokjin too, it was fine. Jungkook wasn’t in trouble!
But she felt a little in trouble too. A little guilty over being so winded from dancing and laughing and spinning. It was less stressful to dance with Jungkook. Because she wasn’t as worried about impressing him! Or keeping up! Would Hoseok notice she’d had more fun with her friend? Oops. It’s just that it felt like dancing with her was less of a sacrifice to Jungkook… or something…
To banish the guilt, she danced with Hoseok again even though she was really feeling done. She did her best to keep up. She tried to match her counting to his. But her body was just always a little too slow and stiff; she was always a beat behind and her hips didn’t sway so wiggly like that and she didn’t have the confidence to smolder the way you were supposed to when you danced salsa. She wanted to look at Hoseok with sexy bedroom eyes, so he would know, and so anyone watching would know, that they had great sex and he enjoyed being with her, even though her dancing didn’t come close to his. She didn’t want the people who watched him dance with such obvious admiration to then see them dance together and wonder what he was thinking. They probably were thinking that. Why wouldn’t they be?
But Hoseok, to his credit, didn’t seem to be thinking it. He got a little tense during the dancing itself, but when they decided to call it a night –long after Jungkook had left after taking some pictures ‘for Seychelle’, after Namjoon got lost in conversation with some new woman he met and disappeared, long after Alex begged to be set free and made herself comfortable at the table with Seokjin and refused to budge– when finally it was time to go, Hoseok threw his arm around her shoulder all smiles, kissed the top of her head, and deemed,
“That was fun, right?”
“So fun.”
“You coming home with me now?”
“I sure hope so but I am definitely going to want to use your shower.”
“Can’t handle a little more sweat first….?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she caved in theory… but when they got to his place, insisted on showering first anyway, pointing out that she didn’t want to get into his bed all sweaty. See, she could get her way too, she just needed to speak Hoseok’s language! Nothing wrong with a shower before and a shower after sex! Being clean and orgasmed was as nice as the way his hands rubbed her tight calves afterwards.
“I’m not a dancer,” she laughed, embarrassed by his caretaking but not enough to ask him to stop. It was sweet and domestic, curled up in bed with him, both of them freshly (separately!) showered, his fingers pressing out the sore spots from her legs.
“Ah well I’m happy you danced so much with me even if you don’t like it.”
“I like it! I’m just not very good. I feel bad I can’t keep up with you yet.”
“That’s ok, I just like dancing with you,” he insisted and she blossomed at the reassurance. He was sweet. Why had she let herself get so self conscious about holding angel Hobi back? He didn’t mind at all. It wasn’t like he’d dump her for being bad at salsa! She looked down and felt glad she had just shaved that day; the smoothness of her legs really only lasted twenty-four hours.
“Hey,” he said. At first she thought he was about to tell her she missed a spot shaving, but his voice sounded more serious than that. “Did you see Jungkook’s instagram tonight?”
“Huh? No, why? He post something thirsty?”
Hoseok looked to the side and she flinched at her own joke because he didn’t seem to be very amused.
“I don’t want to cause problems,” he said. “I’m trying to ignore ah… I know you said you talked to him, and he had that awkward talk with me too…” Right, the thing at the concert was crazy awkward. She couldn’t believe it when Hoseok had told her about it, that Jungkook had done that. And yet it had also greatly endeared him to her. He’d been willing to do that motifying thing to try and not cause problems between her and her boyfriend? It was sweet. It was such a real Jungkook thing to do.
Now she worried what the latest “real Jungkook” thing was though and grabbed her phone to see for herself. She hadn’t been looking at other people’s social media much lately, mostly just posting happy pictures of her own relationship, excited to be part of that lifestyle for once.
Sure enough, Seychelle’s comment that Jungkook hadn’t been posting lately was true; he had nothing for nearly a month before his most recent post: a photo Alex thought was harmless other than being a weird fit for his page. The aesthetic was all wrong. Jungkook had a rule about never posting a photo of just himself with another woman; said it blocked his game, whereas group photos of him with attractive groups of people made women speculate and reach out about if he was still single or not.
So then what the fuck was up with this photo, which was just the two of them? Not anyone else in the group, just Jungkook and Alex, him behind her with an arm around her upper chest and a big grin on his face, her winking and pointing at the camera.
“Oh that’s a cute picture of… um… me,” she blurted out, barely saving it halfway through.
“It is,” Hoseok agreed, eyes closed like he couldn’t believe she’d said that.
“Sorry, I meant… well, I’m cute in it.”
“You are,” he agreed. But she was distracted now by the caption.
Salsa night: no gochu left behind.
“It’s a joke about–”
“I’m Korean, Alex, I know what gochu means.”
“Yeah but it’s not about his dick, it’s about– he used to call me um, gochu-noona because–”
“Alex.”
“Because our families compete about who makes the spiciest food and my family always wins and I’m like a week older than him,” she said. “Seriously.”
“And the hashtags?”
#tapas #salsanight #sweaty #dancingthenightaway #favwithmyfav #eternity #norhythmbutmakeitcute #happyselfie #nofomo #justme #andthisgoblinIfound #welookgoodaf #noegojusttruth #nofilter #bestpest
“What are you doing,” she sighed, looking through the list. Honestly she had no clue how that might look to someone else, because it was a lot of inside jokes, or nonsense, or generic. Or whatever. She didn’t know! Honestly if Hoseok wasn’t looking at her like that she might not have thought anything of it on her own.
But yeah. It was kind of a weird post when it completely broke the careful aesthetic of his page. And the tags were less mocking than they should have been.
And beneath it:
Avettegrace: awww looking good is that your little sister?
TheJK.97: definitely not
Definitely not?? What did that mean? In this context?
“I don’t know, he’s being weird,” she said. “Maybe he was jealous I only danced with him the one time.”
Hoseok’s mouth turned down as he nodded and pulled his hands off her legs.
“Oh no, the unhappy frown…”
“I just think…” He sighed and wouldn’t look at her. “It feels like he’s baiting me.”
“For why?”
“Alex… don’t make me say it again…”
“Come on, he’s not…”
“He’s in love with you,” Hoseok said. “He’s so obvious about it. He’s not even trying to hide it anymore. ‘We look good af, no ego just truth?’ ‘Fav with my fav?’ Did you even notice the way he grabbed you when I walked over when you were dancing?”
“He didn’t grab me, I just stopped dancing and he ran into me.”
“He was all over you–”
“He wasn’t and stop saying that,” she snapped. “That’s not fair. I’m allowed to dance with my friend.”
Hoseok gestured with his hands, “Yeah you are but I’m worried if you still don’t think it’s obvious.”
“It’s not obvious because I’m telling you it doesn’t mean that. We’re just friends. I’m sorry if it’s upsetting you or making you jealous, I’m trying so hard not to do that, but I don’t think it’s fair if you’re telling me I can’t–”
“I haven’t said you can’t do anything,” Hoseok interrupted. “Have I? I think I’m being really understanding. You live with this guy! You keep saying he’s your best friend, but if that’s true, where’s his respect for your relationship? I think he’s trying to make me look like a jealous asshole so you’ll run right to him.”
“Hobi. He can’t lie his way out of a paper bag, there’s no way he can pull off a manipulation of that level.”
“He’s a total fuckboy!”
“Ok that’s the second time tonight you’ve been kind of Puritan,” Alex said.
He looked sincerely chastised at least, “Sorry. I don’t mean it like that… I just mean… his whole thing is manipulating women.”
“It’s not. He’s very upfront with what he wants, and a lot of women want that too. He wouldn’t last a day if he tried to lie to women.”
“But you thought this was off when you read it just a minute ago,” Hoseok insisted.
“I…” She looked at the photo and the caption again, at the comments gathering beneath.
Is this like a sponsored post for noom or something? Who tf is this girl?
As quickly as she saw it, suddenly the comment was gone. Jungkook or someone else was actively looking at the comments right now and deleting them. But that didn’t mean Alex didn’t know they were there. Was it stupid that for a moment she’d lived in a world where it was just a cute picture of her and her friend and the world was not shitty and he had not cultivated a gathering of shitty shallow people who’d immediately point out the non-aesthetic addition to his page? Maybe people thought the same thing when they saw her with Hoseok, but he cultivated a circle of sunshine and love and support and she felt safe in it. Accepted. Except for a night like tonight when she was clearly an anchor on Hoseok’s beautifully dancing ankle, she was beginning to feel like she could look right with him. Yes, the dancing had been a step backwards, but honestly dancing with Jungkook had soothed her wounded ego in a way she couldn’t have articulated at the time.
“Look,” she tried, “Maybe he posted this tonight trying to be a good friend… he knew I was feeling a little um… just kinda down on myself because I can’t dance the way you do.”
Hoseok’s tone change was instant, expression too as he reached for her hand, “Wait, what?”
“You’re a beautiful dancer, and I love watching you! But it’s stressful and hard trying to keep up and you kept trying to count but it didn’t really help, it just made me more stressed… so that’s why Jungkook was dancing with me, because he saw I felt kind of… bad about myself.”
“Alex,” he frowned, and scooted closer. “Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t want to make you feel bad about yourself! I love dancing, but I really love dancing with you, no matter how experienced you are.”
“I don’t think experience is the issue,” she snorted.
“That’s fine. I don’t need you to be a star dancer. I just really enjoyed dancing with you!”
It was sweet. He was saying the right thing.
And yet it just wasn’t quite as comforting as Jungkook taking her hand and saying stop worrying about the beat, stop worrying about other people, just do some little spins with me, see? Fun!
It was fun.
“OK. I know. I had a lot of fun too.”
“If I’m doing anything to make you feel bad, please tell me right away! I want to know and fix it!”
Alex didn’t want to be overwhelmed with him trying to belatedly soothe her. Jungkook had already done that, and it was fine. Hoseok didn’t understand what it was like to be on this side of the relationship; he didn’t know what it was like to be the Alex. Jungkook didn’t either recently but he sort of did in the past and anyway, he just knew her better. He noticed. He cheered her up.
Although she didn’t really think the instagram post could be for or about her. It couldn’t be. What did he expect her to take away from this? What was he trying to say or prove or had he not thought at all about it? For all he knew she wouldn’t even see it.
Did that count as another lie to Hoseok? Fuck! In trying not to look at him, Alex looked back at her phone.
AshriAngel: Omg new gf debut? She’s so cute! You two are adorable together!
That comment had been left up, Alex noticed. No response.
Oh, wait.
TheJK.97 likes this.
“I’ll talk to him,” she said as her stomach flipped with dread.
Maybe it was an accident. Maybe his reading comprehension was low. He didn’t have his contacts or glasses on. He was drunk. He was half asleep. Maybe he was actively fucking someone right now with his phone one in hand because he wasn’t totally into it but enough into it that it made it hard to read. Maybe he just meant to like it because someone was calling her cute instead of being an asshole.
Although, honestly, there were a few comments saying she was cute or pretty, which was a few more than she had expected on a page like Jungkook’s, full of people so focused on appearances when she was definitely not that and it showed. In the grid of Jungkook’s photos, it started to look less like a good picture of her…
AnitaLove: saw this coming from a mile away. Congrats!
“Sorry, ok, let me message him–”
“It can wait until tomorrow. Let’s just sleep.”
“No no people are running away with this, and I have a wonderful actual boyfriend, I don’t want the internet being confused for a single hot second.”
“I don’t care about what the internet thinks,” Hoseok insisted. “I care about what the guy you live with thinks your status is.”
“I know, hold on… he’s just dumb, Hobi. He just has a shriveled pea brain sometimes and doesn’t think things through… like a pea that rolled under the counter and you didn’t notice it for a week…”
[Alex]: come on with this instagram post what is this?
[JK]: its a cute photo!
[Alex]: some of your followers agree and the others are assholes
[JK]: eh they’re just jealous enjoy it
[Alex]: yeah guess who else is jealous that you made it look like Im your gf?
[Alex]: why would you do that?
[JK]: I didn’t do anything its just a pic
[JK]: I can’t help if people jump to conclusions
[Alex]: it’s not cool bro, it’s a good pic of us but it doesn’t need to be on your insta
[JK]: you want me to delete it??
[JK]: :( :( :(
[JK]: we never take good pictures together you’re always making a face
[Alex]: YOU are always making a face!
[Alex]: I don’t care about the picture it just needs to not seem like you’re saying I’m your gf
[Alex]: I dont get why you want to keep it up so bad
[JK]: fine your loss 🤪 lotta girls would kill for that position
[Alex]: i’m going to strangle you
[JK]: 🥴 ok if you insist
[Alex]: omg get laid, will you??
[JK]: oh I am don’t worry about me 😜
She immediately stopped responding to him. She felt like she’d licked a battery and didn’t really want to know more.
Anyway, it didn’t matter; within two minutes there was a new picture posted, Jungkook standing at a mirror that was not in their apartment, wearing a tank top and his sweatpants hanging low enough you could see the band of his underwear and a glimpse of skin. Alex couldn’t tell if it was just taken or an older one, nothing about his appearance was different enough to confirm.
Caption: ah I see, I scared some of you. Didn’t think I have friends? Fucked up. I’m still a lone wolf when it comes to love … but you won’t catch me crying about it. Life is too short to waste time so let’s get it /// Ladies where you at?
“Ugh, is that better? So gross, he sounds like a fucking cretin…” She thrust her phone at Hoseok. He was staring at his own and glanced at it only briefly. “What are you frowning about?”
“Some of the commenters on this photo are just assholes. I’m reporting them.”
“Reporting who?? Oh, the people saying– forget it. Have you been sitting there doing that the whole time?” She thought of that deleted comment. It was Hoseok then, not Jungkook who was watching out for her? No, Hoseok hadn’t been on his phone then.
“No! I just thought I’d check.”
“To see if anyone was being an asshole about the way I look?”
“What? No! To see if I was right that other people thought it looked like a post saying you’re his girlfriend. And they do!”
“Well now he’s posted this new one clarifying, and I’ll have a talk with him about it and–”
“How far will you let him go before you stop making excuses for him?” Hoseok demanded.
Alex leaned away, taken aback.
“I’m sorry,” Hoseok said. “I don’t mean to sound like that. But you’re so close and you care so much about him, how hard is he going to have to work to steal you–”
“He can’t steal me because I’m not a thing,” she interrupted. “And what he wants doesn’t matter because I’m where I want to be. I’m sorry he’s making you feel insecure but that’s crazy to me because I thought I’m so obvious about how happy I am to be with you? Do you doubt me?”
“No. No, I don’t…”
“Then trust me. I’ll talk to him again. But I need you to not look for proof of something when it’s not there. I’m telling you the pictures or comments or teasing don’t mean what you’re afraid they mean. He doesn’t realize how it sounds because nothing has ever been serious about me before. Like it doesn’t occur to him before posting that someone would ever think he’d date me.”
“All right… I do trust you, Alex. I’m just afraid this is heading for disaster and you’re going to get hurt in this and I don’t want to be the one who hurts you. I don’t think it’s going to be me and I’m worried about you–”
“You think he’s going to hurt me? How?!”
“I don’t know. I just worry. I just care about you.”
“Well if it’s him then your worries are solved, huh?”
Hoseok frowned and took her hand and pulled her into a hug, “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I don’t want to be jealous. I trust you and I feel secure with you. I’m just not sure I trust him…”
“Please try?”
He sighed, “Yes, I’ll try.”
“Oh, it’s that easy? I just ask and–”
“Yeah it’s that easy,” he sighed, more loudly, smiling a little now. “It’s because I’m weak to you. I can’t say no when you look at me so cute… and I do trust you. I don’t want you to think I’m jealous or possessive… I just…”
“I know. It’s ok. I’ll talk to him.”
There wasn’t much left to say about it. With the new post up and the women of instagram rejoicing, Alex put her phone away and stretched out beside Hoseok in bed. It was a relief to talk of other things instead –of dancing, and whether Seokjin and Luisa were going to become a thing for real, and whether Hoseok was going to go visit his parents for Chuseok next month, and whether Hoseok should bring a gift when he met Alex’s parents soon.
“No, don’t,” she begged.
“I’m going to,” he said. “I have to.”
“No, it’s my birthday, they don’t get a gift. I’m their gift, me being their daughter.”
“My parents will actually disown me if I meet yours without a gift. I have to make a good first impression!”
“Are you capable of making a bad one? I can’t picture it.”
“I want to amaze them,” he insisted.
“You will.” She gave him a kiss. “If nothing else, I know they’ll be amazed by you. Who could resist?”
He seemed pleased by her confidence. She was pleased he seemed pleased. She was glad he was happy, and she was happy, and Jungkook…
Hoseok couldn’t be right. The people reacting on instagram were just misunderstanding a post lacking in context. Jungkook’s intentions were good but he didn’t always think things through, like what a sudden post like that might lead people to believe. He definitely didn’t have the brainpower for the type of manipulation Hoseok was accusing him of. He was her sweet, charming, smart but also kinda dumb BFF. His heart was in the right place, even if his brain wasn’t always. And that place for his heart was right there in his own chest, definitely not in her possession. There was no way Jungkook was in love with her, just because he seemed kind of odd sometimes, and done strange things like this more frequently in the past month. But hey, for all she knew he was still trying to start something with Rebekah! Or… no, that didn’t seem quite right either…
Maybe he’d just always been this weird and she hadn’t noticed until she had a foot on more stable ground? But that made her sad. She wanted to be right there in the weirdness with him. Not to make her boyfriend jealous but because that was home. That was safe and comfortable and she was pretty weird too. Couldn’t people just understand that they were weird, not in love? They were not that. They had been friends forever and they would be friends forever and they did not look cute together the way AshriAngel apparently thought. What the fuck was Anita talking about, “saw that coming from a mile away”??
Alex fell asleep trying to avoid thinking about an interesting dilemma her brain posed at the nudge of those comments: that as much as she loved being seen on the dance floor as Hoseok’s chosen partner, with Jungkook she had stopped thinking about anyone else at all…
But of course there was no dilemma. There was no debate. It was just an interesting juxtaposition, that was all! One she was not interested in thinking about a moment longer!
So of course her brain decided to keep her up with it for as long as possible, until she finally managed to fall asleep, and then her brain wove it into her dreams too, of dancing with Jungkook: the beat was erratic, their kigurumi were wrong, the music the wrong genre, they weren’t even on a dance floor she didn’t think, and the world didn’t really have definition or make sense. But still, they danced.
“Reload. Alex… Alex, reload!” Jungkook shouted at her, nudging her with his elbow. She shook her head and did but it was too late, she’d already been taken out. That was a thing that sucked about this particular game –or most of the games, honestly, that you couldn’t do any real kind of cover for your friend when they temporarily spaced out. Usually that was more of a Jungkook thing anyway, but Alex was spacing out a lot tonight.
“Ok, fuck this game,” he said, figuring it wasn’t holding her interest. “What do you want to do, hockey? Basketball?”
“Hm…” She pursed her lips into a duck pout as she looked around the arcade. And apparently failed to see anything that really drew her.
“Need me to boost you up so you can see your options?” he teased, reaching for her arms as if he would just haul her up.
“No no don’t pick me up,” she cried, predictably flapping her hands at him. That felt better. More like her. Jungkook felt a tension in his stomach ease as he pointed in a direction and hoped she would follow.
She did. At least physically. But her mind continued to be far away and Jungkook wasn’t sure why. His initial fear (hope) that she was fighting with Hoseok had been regrettably shot down as soon as he suggested it. He asked about work but she said it was normal and turned the question on him, asking if any milfs had picked him up recently. He’d spun a story that was mostly lies and she’d nodded along as if she either believed it or didn’t care.
“You ok? Upset stomach or something?” he asked to distract her as they passed that shittyass lightning game her boyfriend had been suspiciously so lucky at.
“Yeah, I guess…”
“Would you rather head home and watch a movie or something?” he asked. He stopped and she crashed into him and was slow to push away. “I can make ramen or something. Too much for your tummy? Rice?”
“Huh?”
“Uh… your stomach– come on, what’s up with you tonight?”
“Nothing, how about skeet ball?”
“Skeet ball,” he repeated under his breath. He’d noticed she didn’t call it that around her boyfriend. “Yeah ok you just want to throw something?”
“Kinda yeah, why not? How’s your ticket collection coming?”
“Ah, good question… let’s play and then go take a look, I was getting close…” He bounded around her, hoping his energy would transfer and she would perk up. No luck. He’d already offered candy and pizza but she’d barely picked at either and, truth be told, he was starting to panic. He didn’t really even know why, it just felt like something heavy was about to land on him unless he could distract her long enough until it passed.
They set up in adjacent lanes for skee ball and timed their throws to alternate so they wouldn’t mess each other up. Sometimes the fun was in messing each other up, but he didn’t today, instead focused on maximizing his tickets. Maybe he should go ahead and buy something no matter what it was; that could be exciting. Sure, he was saving up for the big stuff but what was the point if Alex wasn’t having fun with him along the way?
“Woah, holy shit Alex,” he snorted as her second ball hit the ramp way too hard and popped up into his lane. “The fuck are you doing here, pitching for the Majors?”
“Oops!”
“Shit why do I feel like you just aimed that at my head….”
She gave him a wild look, “No! Why would I do that?”
“Ok She-Hulk, nice and easy–”
“Don’t mansplain skee ball to me,” she scoffed and glared but her heart wasn’t in it. And the fact she hadn’t made some crude joke about him being an expert at sinking his ball into holes hurt, it really did.
So when skee ball was done, he nudged her towards the ticket machine, deciding it was time to break his no cheat rule. Today was the day. Time to cheat. Right? Right, he wouldn’t regret it? Fuck, what if he regretted it and just felt angry with himself later for giving in– he had rules for a reason!
He tapped his card at the reader and looked at the total: 18,731. He needed 21,500 to get both the Slushie machine and the Rottweiler, and his goal had always been to save up for both at the same time. But looking at her now, that sense of dread nudged him forward.
“Ok, slug bug, it’s time,” he said, drumming briefly on her head. Her squawk of complaint was music to his ears as she batted his hand away.
“Time for what?”
“Slushie machine or puppy, which are we bringing home?”
“What?”
“That’s right, it’s time.”
“But I thought you were saving up for both–”
“Yeah but why? Anyway, the place could close down in a week and then I lose everything,” he pointed out. “Sometimes you gotta cash in early.”
She shrugged, “Nah, I’d help you break in and claim what’s yours.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah, we could pull it off.”
“Unless the employees ransack the prizes,” he countered, but the idea of casing the joint with her was a breath of fresh air. “How would we do it?”
“Uh… well… picking a lock would be the easiest, otherwise we’d need to break into the mall at night and break the padlock on the metal grate thing. Mall cameras would probably notice us.”
He nodded, eager for the fantasy as they walked to the counter, “Yeah sure but we should use someone else’s computer to watch videos about how to pick locks so it’s not in our history. Maybe my brother’s. Ah, we should put on uniforms and insist we’re supposed to be in here, just in case we get caught.”
“Right, ok. And then either the shit you want is just sitting out in the open on the shelves.”
“No no,” he said, “It can’t be that easy.”
“Why not? Why can’t it be easy?” she demanded. “Why does everything have to be hard?!”
“Um…” He looked at her, feeling like there was something else behind what she just said but also a little afraid to push. Was she fighting with Hoseok?! Ok. Ok, he needed to not get too excited. A single fight didn’t mean they were going to break up –it was just really rare, they didn’t seem to fight often, so it could mean that. But if he seemed too eager about it, Alex would get defensive and clam up like the little hedgehog she could be and he wouldn’t get to be there for her during this emotional and difficult but overall good transition. There would be life after Hoseok. Good life after Hoseok. He’d still be there!
At the counter, they had to wait for some little kids to spend their tickets, and it gave him time to continue the fantasy, “Uh, because we’ll look amazing in catsuits. Is that what they call the all black? Like with the harnesses?”
“Maybe you will,” she scoffed.
“Seriously? You’d look banging,” he said. “You need one that’s got pistol holsters like right here so when you cross your arms over your chest when you’re being all pouty, you can also just grab your guns and unload on–”
He was thrilled when she acted this out, even made a fake firing sound, and admitted, “Ok, that’s pretty cool. But those outfits are unforgiving.”
“What do you need forgiveness for?”
“I mean they show everything–”
“Exactly,” he grinned.
“You’re sick.”
Jungkook couldn’t help the happy future film that began to play in his head: teasing Alex, her saying he was sick, him agreeing and leaning in to kiss and grope her– ah!! Even just those two seconds flustered him. He didn’t let these fantasies play out because it felt like getting into water that was too hot or too cold, something; it made him shiver and it felt like it wasn’t time yet, like he needed to let the water reach a better temperature. If he could just be patient, hold onto that self control…
She might still not choose him. She might never have feelings for him like that. But maybe there was something they could work out… honestly anything would be better than this right now…
“Ok which do you think would be better?” Jungkook asked, meaning ‘to comfort you during your heartbreak.’ “Slushie machine or we finally bring home our baby?”
“I think we should wait on both,” she admitted.
“What? No! Why?”
“I just… I don’t know… you had a plan, you should stick to it.”
“No, I’m tired of waiting. Yes, hi! I want that dog!” he stepped boldly forward and slapped his card down on the counter so he could point.
Tyler, the college kid they had seen almost every Thursday for months now, grinned, “Yeah, man? Really? You’ve finally got enough?”
“Oh I’ve got way more than enough. I’m coming for that Slushie machine next. But today, the lady needs a puppy.”
“I’m not a lady and I don’t need a puppy,” Alex said, pressing up against the counter.
He had never been so sure in his life that he needed to bring this dog home right now. There was the perfect place for it in the living room now, in full sight of the front door. The thing was so big and huggable. They could use a baby in their lives right now.
“She’s kidding,” Jungkook said, throwing his arm around her shoulder. “Oh shit, I should make a video!” He yanked his phone out, and when Alex was a poor sport and again insisted they shouldn’t get the dog today, he shushed her and recorded Tyler dragging out the ladder, climbing up, and carting down the 3-foot stuffed dog.
“Our baby!” Jungkook cried as Tyler set the dog on the counter. He panned to Alex’s unamused glare, though her eyeroll and the twitch at the edge of her lips showed hidden amusement. She was playing along now, he thought.
He felt no sense of regret as Tyler scanned the 6500 tickets off his card, just grabbed Alex in close so they could take a selfie with the dog’s head tucked into the picture.
“What are we going to name him?” Jungkook asked, giving the dog a kiss on the nose and scratching behind his ears. “Oh I think he likes that–”
“You’re unhinged,” she snickered.
“Come oooon, our apartment doesn’t allow pets, this is the closest I can get.”
“You name him, he’s your dog,” Alex shrugged, grabbing his card off the counter as he was just about to walk away without it. His arms were full when he lifted the pup.
“What about… Bruce, no. Tiny? Eh. Um…”
“Are we going home now?” Alex asked.
Jungkook gasped, “Oh should we keep playing some games with him? Let’s play air hockey, he can be on my team. We can take pictures of him playing all the games here before we take him home, just like his mom and dad–”
“Please don’t post pictures of him on instagram and call me his mom.”
“Alex,” Jungkook whined. “Don’t reject our baby.”
“I’m… not, I just–”
“Ok, you need a hug right now, I get it. Here, hug him and help me think of a name,” Jungkook said, thrusting it against her chest. The thing was fucking huge next to her. It was the most endearing thing ever. She was nearly hidden when she hugged the thing. It made him laugh as he wrapped his arms around them both.
“Ok. See? Everything is going to be ok. You can get hugs from either of us whenever you want, or we can just sit next to you on the couch and watch movies and eat ice cream or– you know, whatever helps!”
“Helps?” Alex repeated.
“Yeah. Your um hard time,” he said vaguely. Shit, he shouldn’t have mentioned it in case it was going to make her feel worse right now. When she pulled away, he took the dog so it wouldn’t crush her and added, “Just, I mean, just let me know what you need. You want to keep playing or go home?”
“What I need for what?”
“Uh, you know…”
“I’m not on my period, is that what you’re accusing me of? Just because–”
“No!” he quickly defended, knowing full well Alex did not like if you made even the slightest hint her emotionality might be related to that. It was so bad, it tricked him into saying the slightly worse, “I mean if you’re um ending things with…”
For a second she just blinked at him, and then said evenly, “I’m not ending things with– you think I’m breaking up with Hobi?”
“Uh…” Uh oh. Uh oh, not the response he’d expected. He reached up with one arm and pinched at his neck, the dog awkwardly held in a chokehold in his other elbow. “No? I thought… I thought maybe that’s why you’re in a bad mood tonight…”
“No. No things are fine between me and Hobi,” she said, and he saw her eyes sharpen in a way that made him nervous. “Except for the part where every few days I have to reassure him that my best friend isn’t trying to break us up and to be honest, I’m not so sure anymore!”
“No no no Alex, that’s not what– I wasn’t trying to break you up! I thought you were having a fight with him, that’s all I meant–”
“Yeah but you looked happy about it?! That’s so fucked up!”
“Hey. Can you guys uh take that outside?” Tyler called over. “There are… kids and… stuff…” He trailed off under the heat of Alex’s gaze.
But she did take off at an angry clip, and Jungkook followed after her, desperately explaining, “Ok, well uh, great then! You’re still together and still happy and–”
“I told you not to buy that dog today,” she said. “This is exactly why.”
“Why is why?”
“Because I have to talk to you about– about the way you’re being lately and I’m afraid it’s not going to go the way it needs to go!”
“What does that mean?!”
She held her tongue until they were outside, face to face on a sidewalk under the parking lot lights. Then she whirled on him,
“You’re still being weird. About everything. You’re posting pictures that make it seem like we’re a couple. You’re weird to Hobi. You’re possessive of me.”
“I’m not! I’m not those things!”
“I have a boyfriend, Jungkook, and it’s not you!”
He recoiled. He had been prepared to say something else, but whatever it was, it was lost at the instant shame and hurt hearing her shout that at him.
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I know. Why are you–”
“No, so why are you? Am I crazy? You– you’re decorating our house, you’re buying us a baby, you’re posting to Instagram and totally ruining your aesthetic–”
“I– that’s just– you’re the one who’s being weird about it,” he tried.
“Are you trying to fuck Rebekah? Do you like her?”
The question was so fucking insane that he spluttered, “The fuck are you even talking about? Rebekah?! No.”
“Then why? Why all this–”
“It’s nothing!”
“When you kissed me, was that nothing? Was it really nothing?”
Jungkook froze. Her question confused him. His panic caught and he went completely still and stared at her. Was she… was she asking because it wasn’t nothing to her? Or was that crazy? Was she not fighting with Hoseok because she was instead fighting with herself? All these things she’d noticed, why? He’d tried to be really objective about his own behavior and honestly didn’t think he was acting any different than he ever had before, except being a little more hands off, fewer pet names, that kind of thing. But if she was noticing those things more now, why?
It couldn’t– did it mean– did she– it could be that she was having the same–
No.
No, it wasn’t possible.
But.
Unless?
This was a harder situation for Alex. She was the one in a relationship. His feelings were already confusing but at least he didn’t have anyone else making him question or wonder. Hoseok was a great guy and Jungkook knew his relationship with Alex was a lot of good things. He could totally understand why she wouldn’t want to just throw that away over confusion about how she felt for her best friend who she’d not thought about like that ever before. But maybe she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the kiss either.
He could make this easier for her. She needed proof he was brave and strong and serious? Fine!
He set the dog down.
“Jungkook,” she said and took a step back.
He held up his hands and said, “The kiss was an accident but I don’t regret it.”
“Ju–”
“I think about it all the time. I want to kiss you again.”
“Jungkook, stop–”
He stepped forward but stopped himself from grabbing her arms, knowing she wouldn’t like that, not wanting to ruin the moment as he confessed, “I am not trying to get in between you and your boyfriend. But I am in love with you and if you’re having doubts right now about your relationship and–”
“Jungkook no–”
“--maybe you just need to know how I feel to help you understand that– that I feel that way about you and–”
“No, fuck, stop!” she said, hands lifting to her face. “Stop stop stop just stop talking!”
“But–”
“Just stop! Please!”
“Alex–”
“I said stop!”
He’d reached for her, but she flailed and he took a step back. He felt like he’d ripped his chest open, ripped his skin off, dumped his guts at her feet, and now he was frantic for a response from her. A real one. He needed her to help him put his skin back on right away because this, this was awful, this was terrifying, this was the scariest most dangerous thing he’d ever done and he couldn’t tell by her face what she was thinking. Always he felt like he could read her mind but not right now when it mattered most and oh god oh fuck, what if she was going to say–
“Stop saying that. You are not in love with me.”
“I definitely am–”
“You aren’t,” she said. Was she angry? No. No, but she looked angry… He had not expected her to look angry. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “You aren’t! You don’t know anything about being in love! You don’t– you’re not in love with me, Jungkook–”
“Yes I am!”
“You can’t be.”
“I am!”
It was like he’d flipped a switch; she got all red and sputtered, “What the fuck? Mr. Fuckboy Jeon? Who plows through women from his instagram like it’s a fucking Denny’s menu–”
“Hey now–”
“And me!? You get ‘mad pussy’,” she said, air quotes, not a good sign. “And you’re going to turn around and say you’re in love with me. You’re not even a little attracted to me but–”
“Yes I am!”
“--Uh huh, so what is it, romantic love? What, soulmate love?” Fuck she could be so mean. He hadn’t had her anger aimed at him like this in a long long time.
“Yes!” he cried, trying to combat her anger with earnestness.
“No. You’re not in love with me, you’re just throwing a tantrum because I’ve met someone wonderful and you didn’t, and you can’t just keep me as a fucking housewife–”
“You were never a housewife! What are you talking about–”
“No I was your buddy. For years! For so many fucking years! And there was never even a hint of feelings you had for me and then suddenly–”
“That’s not entirely true but–”
“It’s true! What, the joke about us getting married when we were fourteen because I was the only girl you were brave enough to talk to? Yeah, real romantic! Just what I dream of, being someone’s safety, just slightly better than dying alone! And now you’re losing that safety and acting out–”
“I’m not a fucking toddler!” he shouted, needled into it. “Stop talking about me like that! So maybe it takes me a long time to figure out my feelings but you don’t get to tell me they aren’t true–”
“I do when I have to show you that you’re– you’re ruining everything!”
“What?” He took another step back. No, no, this felt all wrong. The flood of regret warred with his desperate hope that this was still Alex putting up a front. He was bad at feelings, but she was too! And she had more to lose right now. More to be afraid of. Sometimes he asked what she wanted to eat and she said nothing but then if he didn’t make her something she’d wind up stealing all his food anyway. Maybe this was just that, except about love instead of food.
“I’m not ruining anything,” he insisted, stepping forward again, determined to make her understand. “I–”
“Yeah you love me, you said that. Suddenly. Out of the blue. After how many years of not even noticing I’m a fucking woman now you’re suddenly pining for me? Bullshit! It would be one thing if I believed you right now and you're throwing our friendship away in some misguided attempt to confess but– but you don’t love me and so this is fucking cruel!”
“I do! Alex! I would never be that to you, ever. Why would I lie about this? This is fucking humiliating! You aren’t saying it back, you’re just telling me I’m wrong about my own– you don’t know what I think! You don’t know how I feel!”
“I’ve known everything you think and feel for our entire friendship and there was never any interest in me. So tell me what the fuck suddenly changed–”
“I don’t know! I’m growing up! I’m figuring it out! I thought you didn’t want a relationship with anyone so I– I thought you were happy with me before–”
“You thought I wanted to be someone’s housewife while they’re just off fucking everyone who slides into their DMs?”
“You weren’t my housewife. I don’t know why you keep saying that–”
“You thought I liked always being alone and left behind? You couldn’t even calm your dick enough to go to Jimin’s fucking wedding with me as a friend–”
“Well I want to go with you now!”
“Oh yeah? Now? So suddenly?”
“It just changed, ok?!” he shouted.
“I’ll tell you what changed,” she said, practically spit the words at his face. “Now when I have someone who loves me and who I love and I’m happy and my world doesn’t revolve around you anymore, so you suddenly–”
“You love him?”
“Suddenly you want to say whatever it takes to keep me–”
“Yes! Yes, I do. I want to keep you to myself. I want you to be mine, not his. That doesn’t mean what I’m saying is a lie!”
His head was spinning. She loved Hoseok. She couldn’t tell Jungkook she loved him, but she just dropped that like it was the easiest thing in the world to say. She’d known Jungkook for years and couldn’t say it to him anymore; she’d been dating Hoseok for like four months and could already say that. His throat hurt from yelling and his skin tingled and he wanted to cry.
She was right.
He hadn’t waited to make sure the water was the right temperature.
He hadn’t waited until he had all the tickets.
He’d just ruined everything.
“If you don’t feel the same way, just say so,” he said, quietly, feeling smaller by the second and unable to grab at anger the way she seemed to. He wasn’t angry with her except for not believing him. He didn’t know how he felt after a rejected confession. He refused to name this feeling and make it real. He’d never been good at feelings. He wished he could have remained oblivious a little longer.
“I’m sorry, Koo. It’s too late. I’m happy and I won’t let you ruin this for me too.”
“Too?”
“You’re making me choose–”
“I’m not,” he said, realizing his final and fatal mistake. “I’m not making you choose. Ok, you don’t love me back. Ok, I’ll deal with that–”
“Like you’ve been dealing with it?”
“Better. I’ll deal with it better.”
“Koo…” The way her voice cracked nearly broke him. It was another weight added to his chest, another clue as to what he’d just done. He’d risked it all and lost it all.
“I can back off. Now I know– ok, you don’t feel that way about me, so friends, we’ll go back to being friends and–”
She nodded. She nodded even though her face was twisting up into that ugly cry she did at the saddest of movies.
He desperately loved that ugly cry.
“Ok,” she said. “Yep. Everything will be ok, we’re still friends.”
“Right?”
“I’m uh— I’m going to take a walk and get another ride home–”
“Wait, what? No–”
“I need some space for a little bit,” she said and sniffled even though she wasn’t crying yet and he felt like he could have lifted from the ground at the rate his heart was thrumming.
“Then you take the car,” he said. “I’ll catch–”
“No, it’s your car–”
“Yeah but–”
“Just go home, ok? Please? Please please please–”
“Ok, ok I’ll go,” he said, giving in at her begging because she was starting to cry and this was going to kill him. “I’m going. But go inside… um… you need a ride–”
“It’s fine, just–”
“Ok but don’t tell Hoseok–”
“Go.”
The shame of her dismissal was the end of it. Obviously she was going to tell her boyfriend.
He grabbed the dog by the head and hauled ass away from her, though not without checking to make sure she didn’t stay alone in the parking lot. She went back into the mall through a side entrance as quickly as Jungkook headed down the row to his car, two magnets repelling now that they weren’t being forced together by a stubborn hand.
His. His stubborn hand.
Because Alex didn’t love him. She loved Hoseok. And he was making things uncomfortable for them. He was getting in the way.
And the way she cried when she said they were still friends made it sound like a lie.
Jungkook shoved the stupid dog into the backseat and threw himself into the driver’s seat and buckled his seat belt and started the car and leaned against the steering wheel and broke another one of his rules: for the first time in his life, he cried over a girl.
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#jungkook x oc#jeon jungkook x oc#jungkook smut#jungkook f2l#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook x reader#bangtan smut#bts smut#jungkook fanfiction#fuckboy au#jungkook angst#jungkook fluff#jungkook series#jungkook/reader#jungkook/oc#jungkook#tellmewhatchanged#tell me what changed#tmwc#fuckboy jungkook#jeon jungkook ff#jungkook fanfic
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The halloween party
Summary: Your Boss miss Potts, invites you to one of the Avenger’s very famous Halloween parties, what’s the worst that could happen?
word count: 1k words
a/n: never been to a halloween party but i’ve heard things( joking i go to parties)
When Pepper had asked you if you wanted to come with her to a party in one of Stark’s properties, you never thought that it would be at the place where all the avengers lived. Originally, you were going to spend the rest of the weekend at home with your cats, maybe give the neighbor kids some candy as Halloween was the next day. When you told your boss the plans, she immediately told you that she would take you along with her to the Halloween party Tony was throwing as a way to bring some fun to his team.
Now here you were, standing in the corner of the room dressed up as a pirate white a very bored to the right of you was dressed up in what you consider a very nice iron man cosplay.
“ you know you're just boosting up Tony’s ego by dressing up like that?”
“ it was better than dressing up as a cat like every other person here,” she points to a couple of the women Tony had invited dressed up badly as cats. Good thing that you had the pirate costume laying around in your apartment or else it would have been you as well.
You and the redhead were the closest of friends and even some of her coworkers assumed that you were in a relationship, until they witnessed the interaction between you and Carol Danvers.
She was a busy woman, yet the moment that she walked into the office for a meeting with your boss, you seem to lose all sense of dignity. At the time you were too focused to see Carol also blushing when she walked in and saw you sitting at your desk.
“ You know she has a crush on you y/n,” Natasha tells you as she takes a sip of her martini. No way in hell she would have a crush on you. So many other people would be lucky to have her attention but the universe doesn’t like you enough to grant you that.
“ yeah sure and I’m not a whore,” you say to her sarcastically. Natasha laughs that even after years of being friends with you, you can’t see that her teammate has the biggest crush on you. Once the blonde comes to the party though, she’s gonna have a blast seeing the interaction between both of you. Hopefully with some drinks one of you can admit your feeling or else she’s gonna have to whip up the backup plan that she made when you told her about said crush.
After an hour of being at the party, more people show up and you are so wasted. This isn't a work party so the chance of you getting in trouble for this is low, plus Wanda or Natasha have your back if anything happens to you.
Natasha is having a blast seeing your “ dance moves” as a Justin Timberlake song plays in the background. You are way too drunk and focusing on the beat to see that Carol walked into the room sporting a very cute pirate costume opposite to you.
“ Y/n”
“ Nat im dancing shut up,” you say and the redhead immediately turns around to show you that Carol was making your way to the dance floor. Natasha makes a run for it , pretending to look for her phone while you just stand there wondering what the fuck to do/ say.
“ You know this is a dance floor y/n? You don’t seem to be doing a lot of dancing” she tells you. Now would be the time for one of your friends to help you out but one quick look around the room and you see Wanda and Natasha flirting with each other. Well, it’s not or never.
“ I was gonna invite you to dance actually Danvers,” you say as you let the rhythm of the song guide you. Carol is a bit surprised that you're flirting and she takes this as a good sign. With each song that plays, the blonde lets you take the lead with the moves, just overall happy to be here. Natasha and Wanda look from the bar, happy to see their friend having an overall amazing time, hoping this will be the time one of you idiots will make the move. cause both of them are not in the mood to break out plan b.
30 minutes dancing together, Carol takes your hand to bring you out of the crowd so the both of you can get some alone time together in some empty area of the compound. As she takes you out of the dance floor and party too, your mind wonders what’s gonna happen next.
“ Where are we going, Carol ?”
“ Outside I wanna ask you something,” she tells you.
After 10 minutes of walking around looking for an exit, and she’s led you to one of the prettiest gardens you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Carol motions for you to follow her into the garden where you see a table with two chairs right in the middle of it. Wow, she must have been setting this up outside.
“ you y/n, are the most beautiful person ever and I wanted to ask you this since i saw you that day while you were working and i was wondering-”
The moment that your lips met Carol’s, all the nervousness left that the blonde was feeling went out the window and she was focused just on you. On the smile that you had while dancing with you out on the dance floor, the fleeing of your hands on hers, and overall how soft her lips felt on yours. She was happy that this ended up with a nice conclusion.
“ Fuck,” you say as you pull away from her.
“ that good?” she asks
“ yep”
“ so “
“ was the kiss not enough Danvers ? of course i’d love to go out with you” and it takes you by surprise when she lifts you up and spins you around.
The rest of the night goes extremely well for you, dancing the night away with carol and your friends, both of them happy that Carol made a move on you.
This Halloween party is going to be one to remember for sure.
#lizs writing#liz celebrates#carol danvers#carol danvers x reader#carol danvers x female reader#MCU#mcu imagine#marvel fanfiction#carol danvers fluff
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Another Arthurian concept, we have now Sir Galahad - just like everyone else, with his trusty sword and little "titles" I gave him. Pure of heart and youngest of all seem to fit him nicely :)
Everything about him is constant and reliable - hence so many rectangular and square shapes - but he is very soft as well, very emotional and understanding - so we also have round shapes and edges are pretty much rounded.
And I guess it's pretty clear he's a catholic/christian (hello, yes, I was raised in the religion and TO THIS DAY I still go like "is this catholic? is this christian? it's pretty much the same to me *puts on clown makeup*)
Also, very sober look and sober colours that contrast with how young he looks. Little scar on his face because, you know, not even the most perfect of beings are 100% perfect, it's a little reminder he also has his flaws.
And, of course, upon testing the layers, we have dear Galahad in the church, lit up by some vitrals:
His design is purple, because it compliments Lancelot's blue. Alsoooo, they look very much alike, right? Well, that has a lot to do on my view and my Arthurian world, so let's get to it!
~fangirling and overexplaining under the cut~
First obstacle I got was "Oooooh Galahad is Lancelot's son in a LOT of accounts and most of the early texts as far as I remember".
But the idea and approach I have to Arthurian legend is a lot more on what I call ~realistic~. Not a 100% though, because if you do not believe in magic and the power of new and old gods, you wouldn't think of my version as realistic.
Personally, I enjoy very much the portrayal of Hugh Dancy on the 2005 movie (as you guys know, that Lancelot lives rent free in my head, 24/7, the bastard), and recently I really enjoyed Bernard Cornwell's characterization of Galahad - so when it comes to my approach, I like leaning a lot more to that one because, personally, it makes Galahad looks much more human.
Like I said, I was born and raised in catholic faith. I went to a catholic school, knew and still know all the church songs by heart, have thousands of crucifixes, rosaries, medals of saints and images of saints laying around. To this day, I still go with my mom to church wehenever she wants to and I do enjoy churches - they feel very soothing to me, even if my faith has changed.
This disclaimer matters, trust me HAHAHAHA
All that to say, the guilt is real. With literally everything. And when I started rebelling against the faith I was taught since I was born, gotta be honest, watching that scene in King Arthur where a priest tortures people because they were pagans and says it's God's will and Lancelot just turns at him and screams savagely "NOT MY GOD!!!!" I was
👁️👄👁️
And I only went downhill with this man from there Lancelot was the death of my christian/catholic faith
Ok, ok, why does this matters when it comes to Galahad?
Well, usually, he's Lancelot's son. And/or he is this absurdly freaking perfect young man, the peak Knight in shiny armour. But that doesn't really work for me - I like having something more grounded in a grittier side of history, something more ~dark fantasy~, because we all know medieval times weren't pretty.
All those perfect Knights with pristine behaviours and morals, to me, feel too much like the Bible I grew up with - not real history with real people.
Enter Bernard Cornwell's Galahad. He's Lancelot's cousin and, in Cornwell's books, Lancelot is FUCKING INSUFFERABLE. I am looking SO FORWARD to have this man dead, because he is vile, narcisistic and a lying bastard. Galahad, in the other hand, quite despises his cousin for that. They are different sides of the same coin.
(Another disclaimer: I'm not watching The Winter King TV series 'cause they have NOTHING to do with the book and I am MAD about it, so definitely not based on that)
And what I love MOST about him: he found some balance between his faith and his human condition. He is a Knight, he kills and is pretty good at it, he doesn't shy away from battle and bloodbath. And then he prays to God and asks for forgiveness for his actions, knowing, someday, he will die himself and maybe God will allow him to enter Heaven.
He won't stop living his very human emotions to be this naïve saint walking on earth - quite the contrary, he's strong and feared in battle, and can be pretty much of a little bitch taunting people.
There's where I stand with my Galahad, then. I wanted him to be the youngest, to have this sort of naïve look to him - as well as that skinny constitution and more of a confident but reserved behaviour (quite different than Lancelot, who's posing proudly with his sword and smirking like the sassy bitch he is).
He's still learning things, so his hands are a little softer than others. Nevertheless, he already has a scar on his face, showing he's not that naïve. Galahad is pure of heart and cannot understand evil - he understands it logically but never emotionally - but he isn't a perfect naïve sweet summer child. If Arthur tells him to go and kill, he will do it.
And probably pray later.
That's why here he has the same hair as Lancelot - curly and dark, but a little shorter and more tamed - they are cousins. His eyes are more rounded, his face more oval to indicate he's still young and has a lot of good in him. His purple compliments Lancelot's blues, but his cape is a lot heavier and less flowy and dramy than his cousin's.
He has crucifixes everywhere to indicate his unweavering faith in God - even his sword looks like a crucifix. His clothes are sober in colour, but still regal with the purple, given he is a prince. I looked at some priests clothing to take some aspects of that and work on his armour - so we have things like a high button up, probably thick leather vest with a more off-white/lavender collar... Like a priest.
Not so many details and all that because of his personality: given his faith, Galahad does his best to rely on practicality of a chain and leather armour, sober colours to move around the dark settings of Britain and crucifixes to remind him he's supported by God. After all, not all of faith is just giving love, it's also receiving that love - and, in Galahad's point of view, he can feel and see God in the little things that happen to him every day.
All that faith is important to his character because he's the one that goes after the Holy Grail and succeeds, as far as I've read, something Lancelot didn't manage to do. Since I'm not much into ALL that catholic/christian religion thing, because I do think it outshines all the potential the characters have together and I have a personal beef with it, I think a man at that time who could find the balance between faith and life, without falling in cult behaviour and hysteria, honestly trying his best to live according to those values as far as his flawed human existance allowed him... That is the Holy Grail in itself.
Now, I do enjoy the concept of Galahad and Lancelot being different sides of the same coin, so ooooooooh yes, they have so much potential for philosophical and existential discussions, with Galahad always thinking about the salvation of the soul and trying to put some sense in his cousin's head and make him a better person, and Lancelot just indulging in whatever and dismissing everything he says with a good laugh - that is, when he is not in a bad mood and Lancelot just spits all the horrible things people do in the name of Galahad's God and honestly, there's no reasoning with him when he's like that.
They always end up having a drink together, in silence, thinking about everything they have talked about. Galahad does think Lancelot has a point in there and seriously questions people regarding their morals when it comes to their putrid behaviour in the name of God. And Lancelot knows deep down Galahad's words about him are drenched in truth, even if he doesn't have the same faith: he cannot deny he has too many flaws and too many behaviours that, sometimes, are questionable even to those who don't think they'll burn in Hell.
I did draw a little thing I need to find, with the Knights dining and laughing while teasing Galahad about his upstanding behaviour and not wanting to bed a woman every night they had the oportunity, while he's just "Well, there are things in this world more important than fleeting pleasures. At least I am worrying about my soul. You, in the other hand, are all going to Hell." and of course, he says that with the most content smile in the world, teasing them back. All Knights and Arthur fall silent, thinking about his words. Until Lancelot just side-eyes his cousin and "Are the women from Hell beautiful?" - everyone breaks in laughter and Galahad just smiles with a 'you're hopeless' plastered on his forehead.
That's pretty much how they all work in a nutshell. Big questions, big philosphizing around faiths and morals, big doubts and existential dread. But a lot of teasing and jokes, bloody fields and battle rushes, big feelings and an unbreakable companionship based in loyalty.
Even if he is a very level-headed man, very literate, confident, young, passionate and restrained in his expressions of his emotions out of combat, Galahad is still very pure of heart - Lancelot would never say it in front of him, but he believes you can always find a hint of hope and love in his cousin's eyes.
If that is God or not, well, that's up to you to decide.
#king arthur#galahad#sir galahad#lancelot#knights of the round table#arthurian legend#arthurian mythology#illustration#fanart#yes it's officially fanart for me now hahaha#character design#character art#character concept#character sheet#art#my art#d&d#d&d character#personal take#classic literature#I think my personal take is taking more of a d&d campaign in arhturian legend realms or a dark fantasy sort of shape#a little more realistic than the full on church thing from the classic/ original works#but not entirely realistic I have to admit#I mean#strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government#wiser words were never before said
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501ST’S LEGION PLAYLIST
Songs they blast while committing war crimes with Anakin Skywalker
Captain Rex, Appo, Jesse, Echo, Denal, Dogma, Fives, Fox, Hardcase, Kix, droidbait, heavy, cutup, Cody, Boil & Waxer (Yes, I added some 212th attack battalion clones because I love them and, also the whole Domino squad is here because in my perfect word, they all made it to the 501st legion, shhh)
1-Gosthbusters-WALKED THE MOON
If there’s something strange in the galaxy, who you gonna call? 501ST LEGION. Honestly, this song fits their vibe perfectly, even if this playlist is a mere joke, I feel like they would listen to this religiously, specially the Domino squad.
2-Never Gonna Give You Up-Ricky Astley
When master Kenobi and Cody join them for a mission, they enjoy this song unironically, as well as Rex, tho he’s better at hiding it.
3-You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)- Dead Or Alive
Fives and Echo dance to this together, end of story.
4-I Want It That Way- Backstreet Boys
Fives learned the complete choreography and forced the rest of the 501st legion to do so, Obi-wan and the 212th attack battalion always watch the show and clap with proudness at the end, but Boil, Boil wonders how the fuck they’re still alive.
5-Payaso de rodeo- Caballo Dorado
Ahsoka leds the way, boss queen can dance to this in heels, she even adds the little spin, she be forcing everyone to stand up when the song starts playing.
6-Welcome to the jungle- Guns N’ Roses
So, Boil’s song, yes, can someone argue that? No.
7-U Can’t Touch This-MC Hammer
Music hits me so hard, makes me say “Oh my lord, thank you for blessing with a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet’- Ahsoka and Anakin sing to this together while the clones do dance break in the middle of the ship.
8-Who Let The Dogs Out- Baha Men
Jesse: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?
Everyone else in the ship: ‘BARKS INTENSIVELY’
9-All Star-Smash Mouth
The idea of the tcw characters as the Shrek characters is quite a concept, Anakin is donkey, not arguing that either.
10-I’m Too Sexy- Right Said Fred
Kenobi hates this song more than anything, but that ain’t stopping Fives & Heavy from feeling their selfs.
11-The Ketchup Song (Aserejé) Spanish Version-Las Ketchup
So…Ahsoka knows Spanish and loves to sing music in that language (it haves noting to do with me being Mexican ofc…) So this is her solo, the clones and Anakin hype her up doing their little dancy dance.
12-Pump It-Black Eyed Peas
Dogma be loving this song, and no one can change my mind, also Ahsoka always sings the Fergie verse, no matter what.
13-A Thousand Miles-Vanessa Carlton
Is this a dumb headcanon with zero arguments? Yes, it indeed is, but no one will ever change my mind about it, waxer loves this songs and Kix sings and cries to it every time it plays, no one really knows why, but no one cares enough to ask.
14-Y.M.C.A-Village People
Kenobi use to sing this to Anakin when he was a child to make him feel better, he even thought him the dance, so whenever the song plays the whole ship turns to Obi-wan and expect him to do it.
15-Like a Virging-Madonna
Am I dropping more dumb headcanons about Kix? Yes, because he loves this song, but not as much as Anakin, Anakin breaks his vocal chords when it comes to signing it.
16-Wannabe-Spice Girls
Once, cut up said, ironically, that this was the song of 'The domino squad' however, heavy took it very seriously.
17-Barbie Girl-Aqua
Grupal song? group song! It’s so catchy that sometimes even Kenobi catches himself signing the ‘Come on Barbie let’s go party’ line, and even if he think no one has seen it, Cody always reply’s with the little ‘Ah ah ah yeah’
18-Dancing Queen-From ‘Mamma Mia!’ Original Motion Picture Soundtrack- Merly Streep
Please don't notice how obsessed I am with Ahsoka and her wholesome relationship with the 501st clones, Rex always sings this song to Ahsoka, along with the rest of the clones as a magnificent choir.
19-Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)-Backstreets Boys
Fives has a bit of an obsession with the Backstreet Boys, but Echo won't let him die alone, so he always sings the little 'Yeah's’ in the song so Fives won’t feel so alone.
20-Mambo No.5 (A Little Bit of..)-Lou Bega
‘A little bit of Appo in my life, a little bit of Jesse by my side, a little bit of Rex is all I need, a little bit of Kix is what I see, a little bit of hardcase in the sun, a little bit of Echo all night long, a little bit of Fives here I am, a little bit of you makes me your man’ And after coming out with that line at 3 am in the morning, Anakin knew it could’t get any better, once Kenobi heard it, he knew it couldn’t get any worst.
THANKS FOR READING!
If someone is interested on the playlist, here it is!
20 songs, 1 hour and 13 minutes long, best listened in shuffle
#Spotify#star wars#clone wars#anakin skywalker#obiwan kenobi#anakin#captain rex#clone wars anakin#arc trooper fives#arc trooper jesse#arc trooper echo#clone commander cody#clone commander fox#clone commando appo#clone trooper denal#clone trooper dogma#clone trooper hardcase#clone trooper kix#clone medic kix#clone trooper hevy#clone trooper cutup#clone trooper waxer#clone trooper boil#501st#501st legion
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is this not same rollout as hs1? it’s a literal copy paste excel for the fact he looks 47 now.
idk. it’s weird to go back to a previous image to see if it works the second time around. that’s not original. that’s what you do when you’re all out of ideas. it’s not a natural transition from the folksy music he puts out. i mean ffs none of his songs are dancy bops or hard edge. like kiwi fucking sucked.
it's obvious he liked that stage because he thought it made him sound grown up and edgy and like a real rock star.
i don't think he or his people even know how to really write songs like that. his production is over production and sounding incredibly synthetic and tuned at the end, which isn't very rocky.
i do hope there's a kiwi 2.0 and whatever devil in disguise song he had. those were so bad, it would be fun to see him looking older trying to make them happen again.
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Ok on this walk down emo nostalgia lane we’re doing fucking Danger days : The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys, and also The Mad Gear and Missile Kid EP! And these are my thoughts
So I haven’t listened to the full album through but similar to revenge I’ve heard a few songs. I haven’t listened to the EP yet tho. I’m excited because the killjoy vibes are immaculate. Let’s see if this butters my buns.
Look Alive, Sunshine: ok I’ve heard this before and while this is sick as hell we all know this is just the lead up to Na Na Na. Shit fucks hard, let’s kick it.
Na Na Na: A certified banger in every way and it fucks so god damn hard! Love the song to death, one of my all time favorites. Shit makes you feel like you can fight god! Everybody wants to change the world, but no one wants to die! And then the guitar goes apeshit!
Bulletproof Heart: Another I’ve heard before and one that’s just so so good. Gravity don’t meaaan too much to meeee! God I love this one so much, I actually haven’t listened to it much recently but god I’ve missed it. It’s like seeing an old friend again and going skating. Man this one fucks so severely!
SING: Ah yes, the one where they all die. Another I listen to all the time, potentially the source of my first tattoo if I get around to it. Moody vibes, the power of an unbreaking will. It radiates cold hard stamina to persist on, the vibes fucking bang. KEEP RUNNING!!
Planetary (GO!): Ah another I listen to a lot because I love the vibes. This is a song that fucks, it fucks yknow. It’s dancy af and I love it, a bop. The vibes slap, makes you want to move. Anti-capitalist dance anthem, I love it to death.
Jet-Star and the Kobra Kid/Traffic Report: so from here on we’re into shit I haven’t listened to before. And the gateway into said new music is Mikey dying again and he took ray with him 🫡.
Party Poison: ok let’s see what we’re dealing with. Ok this does kinda fuck. Oh shit this bangs. This fucking Bangs tho! God damn, i really like this one shit!
Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back: oooooh tasty guitar! Oh shit this fucks too! Oh damn oh fuck yeeeesss! Shit bangs, and fucks! Oh Hot Damn that Guitar! This is doing shit to my brain, I love love love this!
S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W: oooo nice pulse to it. Oh this is moody and really pretty. I really like this, its feels like something else I’ve listened to before in terms of vibes but I have the memory of a fucking hamster. It’s really good tho, oh hello fucking tasty ass guitar bit! This didn’t wreck my shit but I did enjoy it quite a bit.
Summertime: good beat, got a good pulse going. God this album is so good. Man this feels wistful and I love that. Oh I love this 😭. Man this is so pretty I love this. Wistful feelings of love make my chest ache man, I’m so damn lonely.
DESTROYA: time for what I’m assuming is a tonal shift, I’ve heard shit about this one 👀. Oh there’s the bongos. Tasty ass guitar comes in. Oh this does kinda fuck, I love this vibe! Oh shit this actually bangs unbelievable hard! And it like fucks fucks! Hell yeah! Shit that one I definitely need to listen to more now that I’m prepared for it!
The Kids From Yesterday: synthey, and don’t fear the reaper needs more cowbell. Oh damn, this might be an in my feels song. A very melancholy vibe but it’s so good. This is like so my vibe and I love this but also ow. Yea ok that gave me some tears shit.
Goodnite, Dr. Death: ok let’s see what this one brings while I’m in my feelings. Yea that was the breather I needed ooof.
Vampire Money: ok I’ve hears mixed things about this song so no idea what to expect here we go. Oh shit it’s this song, that’s where that’s from! good beat, and it slams hell yea! Oh shit fuck yea this FUCKS! Oh shit this bangs I love this! This is a good fucking time! Guitar is loosing it hell yes!
We Don’t Need Another Song About California: oh shit banger guitar right out the gate. Oh this is a bop. Not an awful lot of thoughts, song good, guitar slaps as always. Not melting my face off but I enjoy it :3
Zero Percent: more synth Noice. Oh shit this bangs out the gate! Not a lot of thoughts, brain empty but this slaps. O k last song of dangerdays out of the way, time for the ep before my brain melts and runs out of my ears from both over and understimulation.
The Mad Gear and Missile Kid
F.T.W.W.W.: not sure what I should expect but here we go, I’ve cleansed my pallet by listening to the bloodborne soundtrack so I don’t get too bogged down on bangin guitar. Ok yea this does kinda slap. This does bang. Is good, but I’m pretty neutral on it.
Mastas of Ravenkroft: banging guitar as always, god this feels like my stream of consciousness. Punk rock equivalent of my unmediated adhd.
Black Dragon Fighting Society: ok last song of the night, I’m exhausted but this has been a tit blasting experience for sure. Let’s close her out lads. No bad, they’ve all had a good pulse to them. Good fucking guitar! A fun time but isn’t like wrecking my shit, but I like.
This has been a fucking insane ride, I regret not listening to the full album sooner because this one rocked my shit the whole way down and it may unironically be my favorite mcr album. I heard someone describe dangerdays as being like crack to their 13 year old brain and like I think I get it now, even at 21. Now I loved quite a lot of the songs so this might be the hardest top 5 ranking yet, but my top 5 of the album are…
1: look Alive, Sunshine/ Na Na Na (basic but she deserves it)
2: SING
3: Planetary (GO!)
4: DESTROYA
5: Vampire Money
That was a hog wild fucking time, I loved every second of it. I’m tired and satisfied and the next post will about conventional weapons. Only 2 more lads before I start on the solo stuff. As always send me asks if I missed any songs. I’ll see ya madlads, I need a nap.
#aviel rambles#aviels emo nostalgia music hour#my bullshit#i’m catching up on old mcr stuff in the off chance they drop a new album post return#mcr#my chem romance#my chemical romance#danger days true lives of the fabulous killjoys#ddttlotfk#the mad gear and missile kid
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I'm about to go on a probably incoherent ramble about how Bendy is indeed peak character design but also how shocked I am at the fact that I'm enjoying a horror game so much
Context: I'm not a fan of horror at all in any of its forms. Movies, games, literature, none. Nope. On all fronts, there is no reason why I would find my interest piqued by a horror game, of all videogames, and I certainly didn't dwell over to it because it's a horror game.
I found Bendy and the Ink Machine because every so often I like to browse around for music new for me, and I stumbled upon the songs that were created for the game, with my favorites being Build Our Machine and Welcome Home. Debating internally, because I know I am naturally very adverse to horror as a genre, I decided to watch a gameplay of it to test the waters and opt out in case I felt like it (thank you, jacksepticeye, for having played the game years ago)
So with that out of the way I kinda just want to scream WHY AM I OBSESSED
WHY am I finding it so enjoyable to feel inside a chilling environment, why is that rush such a.... well, a rush?!
And I really think it comes down to Bendy.
When I first saw Bendy, this very unique, very stylish character designed in the style of the old Disney cartoons, I thought "Cool!" And yes, he is indeed, very cool - his design is fuckin' amazing.
Now, the very first time I ever saw Bendy was in the video for Gospel of Dismay, so my first impression was cool looking character who dances and moves up and down! So cute! Cool!!! And, sure, listening to the song a first time was like super sweet and all-
Then I actually paid attention to the lyrics, and I realized "Ok, this isn't the bubbly pal I'm thinking he is"
To make the story short, I finally decided to watch the gameplay because I watched Welcome Home and realized he's fucking unhinged - and you know me, guys. I'm not really a stranger to an unhinged boi with an interesting design
What I'm really trying to get to is:
Look at this dude (reference intended)
IT'S A SCHMOL BOI, RIGHT?!
RIGHT?
(more below because this got really long lol)
No, you see, the thing about Bendy is that you're meant to have this first impression about him, and you're meant to associate those white gloves and those big pac-man shaped eyes with Mickey Mouse and others, which gives you a little mislead to follow, say, a "sense of comfort" when you associate him to things most of us have known as children.
But, have you noticed that a lot of those old Disney cartoons can feel creepy at times?
Bendy gives you this first impression because sure, he looks good and chummy, he was designed to be that, even ingame. Always smiling, dancing, etc.
What happens with Bendy is that the more you look at him, the more you stare at that unwavering grin and look into the shape of the eyes, something becomes unsettling. Bendy's first impression morphs with time the more you look at him and the more you watch him, for example, in the music videos; he appears angry, cocky, mocking, etc, no longer just the happy smiling dancy boi TM you first believed him to be. And, what's more is, you don't even need the rest of the music videos or the context for this to happen, staring at him is enough for you to, at one point, become unsettled by his presence. (love that word for this lol)
Taking Welcome Home as an example, which is the animation that ultimately made me obsess over this character's design (gosh, if you haven't watched it, do so!!) you see Bendy juxtaposed: what he was meant to be with what he's become, and you see some expressions like these (and these were seriously just my favorite look at that unhinged BOI-)
And, my favorites, which precisely show a spiral from what could have been to what turned out, and the pain felt over it in some deep corner (these frames are in one same sequence):
Please, give me characters who show pain over what's happened to them shifting into the fury and rage that they feel because it's happened to them--I want to forgive you, I want this to be better, but I'm furious that because of you I am in this living hell and it's been so long that this is the only way i know now--this is good shit as far as my historic preference in characters goes
And don't let me forget THE UNHINGED BOI:
talk about unsettling-
and this was all progressive. The more you see him, look at him, see that he's not the smiling happy boi, you fear him more - understandably. The concept is very logical and not revolutionary in itself, but what I'm saying is, applied to this character, it's pulled off incredibly well thanks to his base design. (Kudos to the animators who worked on this!)
What's even more mesmerizing to me is that this is the exact same principle the game uses in its own gameplay. Yes, when you start playing Bendy and the Ink Machine, you know you're in for a horror game and you expect certain things, and I'm not an expert on this since it's my first horror game pretty much ever but I expected jumpscares and gory images and shit.
While there are a few in what I've seen so far of the game, and the gore is ink rather than blood, the game doesn't rely on this.
No, the game lets you play through it in an eerily silent environment, where in many corners you will see that same. smiling. face. staring right at you, unblinking, unmoving. Watching you. Little by little, you learn of Bendy, you learn of Boris, of Alice, you learn of the people who put their lives (quite literally) into them and slowly, the game becomes more unsettling, filling you with a greater sense of dread the more you become immersed in it.
I think I'm so obsessed with this game currently because it's pulled off so well that even I, someone who runs away from horror, am captivated and mind-blown by this (but also, it's not a brutal, gross horror like what I would never engage with, rather a subtle horror that builds up in the environment that almost feels more psychological and is, I believe, harder to pull off).
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Current album obsession: The Book of Broken Glass By Sarah and the safeword
Something totally new and weird that I'm gonna try to do when i have feelings about albums I'm gonna break them down track by track and talk about them
Sarah and the Safe Word is a dark cabaret band from Atlanta Georgia fronted by Sarah Rose. they are currently my favorite band and I wanted to break down this album and talk about it so if what I have to say about it seems interesting please give The Book of Broken Glass a listen
Track one: A Wake, Violet Makes Her Wish
The opener to our album setting the mood with a simple poem
"Several years of sorrow without breathing
Mourn the dead
Lamps are out of midnight oil
Lost lovers and lost friends
Now, the jury's hung
No kingdom come
Sold bones to pay the rent
Let us gather 'round the fire once more and sing
Sing while light is left"
Its simple and sets the mood as our main character violet attends a funeral and starts our story
Track two: Ruby Off The Rails
Track two introduces us to Ruby Violets mother and and delves into a ritual used to summon Something that isn't fully explained delving into the occult and gothic themes of the album
Track Three: Old Lace
Old lace leans heavy into the dark cabaret sound that the band has established in previous albums the song deals with feelings of ego death and the loss of identity.
Track Four: A Little Evil Never Hurt Anyone
The Sluttiest song on this album its dancy its fun and its all about doing things you know you shouldn't. its meaning is in the title and the chorus
"Just do it in anger Just do it for fun A little evil never hurt anyone"
Track Five: No One’s Home
My interpretation of this song is that it delves into Sarah finding out more information about her father learning that he wasn't what he seems that he's something not human and so is she.
Track Six: But Tonight! We Dance! Ft. Dog Park Dissidents
This song is fantastic and Dancy and features queer punk duo Dog Park Dissidents its also in my interpretation of the album when Violet starts to die
Track Seven: Too Dressed Up To Die
THE STRINGS IN THIS SONG!!
the violin work in the song is by far the best part its really all i can gush about
as far as the story of the album goes violet is absolutely dying here
Track Eight: Soldiers Of Rock N’ Roll Ft. Chumbawamba
No really it features Chumbawamba and it fucks it is an amazing song and starts pushing into a heavier sound before the next song does a full Genre switch. Story wise something is absolutely saving Violet here
Track Nine: All The Rage Ft. Jamee Cornelia
Here we have a genre switch to a Nu Metal song and that's not me being discouraging its amazingly done you don't notice that's what happened till the rap breakdown hits but then it hits and its mind blowing
Track Ten: Broken Crowns, Forgotten Pageants
Sarah Rose Flexes everything her voice can do here. this song really Transends influence in my mind it is Sarah rose and nothing else and it is beautiful.
Track Eleven: Sky On Fire
Another beautiful song with fantastic work from the violins
The line in this song that really stands out to me in relation to the story of the album is "But if I ever had a father Then I know his name was John" her grappling with her memory's of her father and finding out what he really was
Track Twelve: A Sleep: The Owl Makes His Offer
We opened with a wake and close with a sleep this is the best song on the album bar none but for it to hit properly you have to listen to the rest of the album all i can say about it is that its possibly the best song I've ever heard and it ends with the same poem that we opened this album with.
Track Thirteen: X
So this song requires some context Sarah Rose is a transgender woman and this song is Violet regretting never coming out to her father as trans and her transitioning "And all that I want is your chance to see tomorrow In a skin that I can live in Or a life that wasn't borrowed" the song is a beautiful way to end the album
and that's the album give it a listen and feel free to rb with your thoughts and opinions
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I was tagged by both @its-getting-worse and @lonelytiredauthor, so I guess I have to do this now. / Light Hearted & positive
Favorite Video Game? = Minecraft, I only ever play on peaceful mode with cheats on because I am a baby and cannot stand losing my loot, or getting lost from my base.
Favorite Video Game Character? = Not entirely sure on this one, I don't play a lot of video games that would have in-depth characters to enjoy. I don't think I really have a favorite video game character.
Favorite Movie or TV Series? = I’d have to say, Hannibal, it is FULL of whumpy goodness, not to mention Mads Mikkelsen and Hugh Dancy is just SO FUCKING HOT.
Favorite Movie or TV Series Character? = It’s a tie between Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham.
Hobbies: Writing (duh), crocheting, taking walks, listening to music, watching TV,
Obsessions: Whump, Hannigram, Pet Whump,
(And the question added by @/its-getting-worse) Favorite genre/type of background music for whump daydreams? = I think the main song I go to for background music when it comes to whump would be Stupid Boy by Toogla. It’s a really good song and both the song itself and the music video are very whumpy, so I’d strongly suggest you go check out his music if only for that one song. His other songs and covers are good as well. It’s just that one song is my favorite when it comes to whump.
(Question added by @lonelytiredauthor) What is your favorite whump trope? = Kidnapped, Conditioned Whumpee, and
And since y’all have done this, I wanna as well, I am adding my own question. What is your favorite Whump Pairing? = Hannibal & Will
~~
Tagging: @quietlywhump @whumpster-dumpster @whumpgalore
@lickingthywounds @whumpyinside
If any of you have already been tagged in this I am sorry.
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hi guys, I'm sorry that I went M.I.A again. I was preparing for my trip to TX. me and my friends went to go see stray kids on March 26th(the postponed concert). it was my first kpop concert I've ever been too! it was amazing, and all the stays i talked were so sweet. they ran out of lightsticks :(( BUT!! I got a hoodie!
the kids did an amazing job!
under the read more/keep reading, just explain with each member what I loved and what songs I enjoyed the most.
lino did amazing! his stage presence is scary good! i could watch him dance for hours. at last song, he did the dance from twice's new song out of nowhere. the lino and jisung moments were so cute. and every part of FAM was probably my fav! and lino did very well on his speech! in lesser words: IM SO PROUD OF HIM! one thing I did noticed was that when lino was singing his lil solo part when it's 4 of the members on stage. he was being very careful with his voice, like he was ab to lose it. so I hope lino is taking it as easy/resting as much as he can.
seungmin was absolutely hilarious, just him and his personality. and his jokes(mainly towards chan, "covid can what?"...."covid can f off."). AMAZING AND TALENTED VOCALIST! JESUS, HE HIT EVERY NOTE PREFECTLY!😭 he looked like a prince istg!
jisung is just how much I imagined him to be in person🤣 HE SANG HIS SONG: I GOT IT! I DONT THINK I SCREAMED SO LOUD BEFORE! and changbin also did a part of it. he has a great mix of being silly and professional on stage. he did a wonderful job!
changbin....I was memorized by each time he came on screen or when i panned my phone arcoss the stage. voice and stage presence! changbin's fan enteractions, every chance he got he was with stays. and changbin holding up chan arm when chan asked if they were any parents there was so funny.
hyunjin. this man always goes all in. i felt like i was in a trance watching him preform. his lil dancy dance during FAM. again, he did an amazing job. similar to jisung, he has a great mix of being professional and engaging/having fun with stays. like you can tell he loves doing this.
i.n 👏🏽👏🏽 vocals on point. his dancing, imo was phenomenal(besides lino)!! I loved seeing him preform and just the look in his eyes when he would look up in the crowd was just 🥺 I LOVE HIM. I think he became one of my bias wreckers😅
seeing felix in person felt like a fever dream. his presence is just beautiful. during all in, at the last chours, he was too busy having fun with stays to realize he had to go back with the rest of the kids and finish the song with the dance. but he was so fun to watch! what you see in the videos- how he acts and dancing and rap/sing, he always at 1000%.
now...mr. bang chan, the loml😩 jkjk, unless👀. I couldn't believe he was actually real. my friend started laughing at me bc I was just in complete awe. same with felix, how he acts during channies room and all the videos of him singing, dancing, anything is how he is in person. I could listen and watch him for hours(kinda already do that with channies room🤣) he is really just a light. SEEING HIS SMILE IN PERSON JUST 😭😭😭
my fav songs they preformed at the concert(ALL OF THEM BUT):
1. waitin for us- I cried during it bc when the concert was first postponed and I saw seeing all the tiktoks of them singing it, that song became special to me. I waited so long for the new date; not even knowing if it was coming. so actually hearing them sing it made me bawl.
2. charmer- I think we all know why I(and other stays) enjoy watching the choreo to charmer. the slap to the air was FUCKING PERSONAL LIKE WTF🤣
3. all in- I didn't know they were doing it, I only glanced at the setlist bc I wanted to be surprised. but to hear the song that got me into the kids IN PERSON...was an out of this world experience
#skz#stray kids#skz stay#stray kids stay#you make stray kids stay#stray kids everywhere all around the world#stray kids concert#bang chan#lee know#seo changbin#hwang hyunjin#han jisung#lee felix#kim seungmin#yang jeongin#loubouskz
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