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meownotgood · 2 years

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i need someone to give us a long winded himeno analysis and i volunteer you to be tribute! i find her to be a tragic character and i believe fandom really does look at her at such surface level

I can certainly do that anon 💪 I actually already wrote a bit of an analysis for her for another anon who asked me about aki / himeno, you can find that here, but I'll for sure elaborate a little more on it

first of all, I don't blame people for not liking her, if you dislike her or hate her that's fine. honestly, even I don't really like her that much, but I appreciate the way that she's written and her impact on the story as a whole. I think she's written very well, and she's a very tragic and often misunderstood character.

and I don't blame people for only seeing her at surface level, either — I feel like a lot of chainsaw man fans speed read the manga or just didn't analyze much of what they were reading, so they formed their opinions quickly or based them on what they've seen other people say. which there's no problem with that, mind you, I just feel like a lot of aspects of himeno's character (other characters fall victim to this too, like denji and makima) often get overlooked by readers, or get dumbed down to an insane degree.

in my opinion, himeno is one of the most realistic characters in chainsaw man. she embodies everything that I imagine for a real person to do when faced with the horrible world chainsaw man takes place in, as well as the grim reality of devil hunting. she distracts herself with cigarettes, drinking, and sex, she sports a bubbly and flirty personality to hide her true personality and her sorrows.

after losing countless of her buddies, taking beatings and ridicule from the families of those buddies, and bearing witness to so much grief and death in her life, she's become numb — this is why she chooses to use vices to "take the edge off". she ends up not caring much for her life or her well-being, but this changes when she ends up meeting aki.

when we see himeno's first interaction with aki, she's a very different person. she's cold, seeming to only care about whether or not aki will prove to be useful. the fact that she cares so much for him is why she was able to keep going, but it also ended up becoming her undoing.

she spent so long throwing away her life, smoking and drinking, but after she met aki, she wanted the two of them to live a longer life. she started caring for her own well-being again, as well as his. she asks aki if he would move to the civilian sector with her, which has much less dangerous devils, and she writes in her letters to her sister about how she wants to find a way to convince aki to quit. we can even see how she cares about his well-being when she tells him not to use his sword because she knows it will cut away at his life span.

aki cared for her safety, too; he was willing to use his contract with the curse devil, sacrificing his life span and risking everything to fight katana man in order to keep her safe. and in the end, she ends up being the one to give up her life for him.

in a way, it's bittersweet, because after meeting so many devil hunters who are numb and jaded, after practically becoming that type of devil hunter herself, himeno finally found someone who wasn't like that — someone who actually cared about her life, and would cry for her if she died. I wouldn't exactly say that himeno was happy when she was dying, but I think she definitely found peace in that fact, in the thought of aki caring enough about her to cry for her.

I think himeno initially became very attached to aki because after losing so many people, she wanted more than anything to see him live. and I think that attachment to him eventually grew into romantic feelings, which aki didn't come to realize (most likely because he was under makima's influence) until well after she died. I think himeno also grew to like aki after seeing his more vulnerable side, and the way that he cries for people who have died, even rookies who he barely even knew. I think in another reality, they could have been more than just partners, but as it stands, I feel as if they had more of a mentor and student type of relationship.

fujimoto said that himeno and aki were originally intended to be siblings, and I think remnants of that can be found in their relationship and interactions — himeno was certainly in love with aki at one point, but aki saw her more like his superior. as someone he definitely cares deeply for and respects, but sees as more of a colleague than a romantic interest.

also, I want to mention how some of my favorite lines in chainsaw man come from himeno: "how can I get aki to quit?" is such a good line. himeno was the only person left that was keeping aki grounded, and keeping him from throwing his life away in pursuit of his goal, so when she died, there was no-one to hold him back from making contracts with devils or from putting his full focus on collecting pieces of the gun devil. aki mentions how he's stopped looking at himself objectively, because if he did, he'd be unable to continue. himeno was there to give him a sense of reason, so without her, he fully succumbs to the path he's chosen to walk down.

I also appreciate the whole concept with "easy revenge", and what aki giving into it means for his character development as a whole

also "aki can cry" and "don't die aki, cause when I die, I want you to cry" are such good lines, I don't know what else to say about them besides they give me chills every time

#YOU ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE ANON #I love to do character and story analysis so this was great #thanks for asking me I appreciate you #I'm not the best at articulating my thoughts sometimes so hopefully this was easy to understand #and hopefully you guys get what im getting at here #ask mags

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crabussy · 5 months

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god I'm so fucking furious at the removal of Te Reo Māori names from organisations around Aotearoa. it's a complete non-issue, every organisation has the English name directly underneath the Māori name. I have never once as an English speaker been unable to understand what an organisation is for. Winston Peters, the Deputy Prime Minister, who is literally Māori himself, said “Te Papa is a historic name but tell me this waka kotahi, how many boats have you seen going down the road?”. Waka does not just mean canoe. it means vessel, and waka kotahi (the transport agency of Aotearoa) explains this VERY SIMPLY on their official website. waka kotahi means to travel together as one. Can you see how fucking upsetting this is. A Māori person in power who is in agreement about banning his own language, being so cocky about something that he does not even understand due to the suppression of the language of his people. It makes me sick. I've seen reports from Māori people all over Aotearoa speaking out about how upset and furious they are, how decades of progress have been undone in the fight to restore the rights of their people who have for so long been oppressed and have suffered the effects of colonisation. Please share this if you can, I hate knowing how few people will hear about this, I know there is so much injustice in the world right now and it is so exhausting, I know. I love you all, keep it up.

https://waateanews.com/2023/11/27/te-reo-public-service/

#godd. I feel sick to my stomach #ask to tag #not tagging with relevant tags because I just know there are people out there who would tear me apart for this #just. share as much as you can. thank you #white prime minister after white prime minister after white prime minister #jacinda was fantastic and I appreciate her so much but godd #our government is so fucking full of pakeha officials and it really really shows #indigenous rights #colonialism #settler colonialism

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noodles-and-tea · 2 months

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YOUR MERTHUR ART GIVES ME LIFE!!! <3

THEY’RE SO!!!

#THANK YOU #no seriously bc this show finished literally OVER a DECADE ago #and I am so obsessed #I’m genuinely so happy that other people are too I was worried it was just gonna be me in an empty fandom #so glad to be proven wrong #so actually thank you I appreciate it - all of it <3 #my art #ask #bbc merlin #merlin #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #merthur

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pens-swords-stuff · 1 year

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It makes me so sad when fanfiction writers come to me for writing advice, and they say something along the lines of "I write fanfic (and I'm trying to get into real writing too)", "I'm a fanfiction writer and I plan to write original fiction someday but now is just not the right time for me", or "I'm not a real writer but I write fanfic"

babes you don't have to justify writing fanfiction to me. you also don't need to tell me your plans to eventually write original fiction to be worthy of asking for writing advice.

Writing original fiction is not inherently better than writing fanfiction. Writing fanfiction is real writing. If you want to write original fiction too, great! If writing fanfiction is all you want to do, that is wonderful as well.

Do what makes you happy and be proud in the knowledge that writing isn't easy, and you're actually doing it!

#writing #writeblr #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #writers #undine speaks #fanfiction #of course if you are just putting that into the ask to give me more context #thank you i appreciate it #but i just get the vibe from so many of those asks that you don't think you're a real writer #or that you're embarrassed that you don't write “real” fiction

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i-got-da-rubes · 10 months

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“Thank you for asking what nobody else did.

What not even I considered.”

Drawn with my non-dominant hand.

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biblically-accurate-dca · 7 months

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day 16: object head !

#my art #daycare attendant #moondrop #dca fandom #cringetober #today i was also working on a pumpkin carving pattern of the dca .... last year i made sans #btwww thank you to the person who's been sending me asks :3 #i'm a bit too busy with this prompt list to respond properly but i've been reading them and i appreciate them a lot!!

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ryllen · 4 months

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Hi! I hope that you are doing well🥰💗💕 I really adore your art!! Your Yuu really wins me over to the very heart!💘💘💘

I wear lightning-shaped earrings and they really remind me of Sebek!⚡ I would like your girl to put them on and draw this🥺💓

But I also really love her black earrings that she wears when she's a teenager and green ones when she's an adult! It's really cute💕💕

And! I would be interested to know if Sebek notices when Yuu puts on other earrings or doesn't wear them at all if she doesn't want to?👉👈💗

Have a nice day!🥰❣️❣️❣️

decide ur ending, which feels more in character

#for me #awwee i was so giddy when i saw that i got another picture #but it's 12:56 AM and i exhausted myself thinking which way should it go #twisted wonderland #twst #sebek zigvolt #jack howl #ace trappola #deuce spade #twst yuu #twst mc #i mean i think he would notice right away if he did have a look at yuu since her hair is short it's hard for the earrings to hide #but then he might be too busy on study and daily duty of tunnel visioning on malmal and he is from different class too so #by public seduction he means seducing him publicly #here yuu smiling for that anon who once asked for smiling yuu #fanart #also thank you very much the positive energy this ask and the many emojis gave me #the written detail of the earring phase makes me feel very appreciated as well thank you #also i have been receiving several really nice asks recently #thank you very much for those too people who know they sent them #anyhow sebek this becomes public the moment u yell about it for the whole world to hear

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stormesandshowersparttwo · 3 months

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Which thirst trap do you think you would send to your fiancé if you were chatting him up on Grindr for the first time?

this ask feels like an excuse for y'all to get thirst traps 🤔 which I'm happy to oblige since I'm a whore. though of course the really juicy ones I won't be able to post here (not to be all "I lure them in with my dick" but I do)

#thank you anon for the nicer ask than the last one i got #i act a tough game but rude stuff can get me down sometimes so i do appreciate yall when you're encouraging of me 🫶#i dont think yall have seen these but if you follow me on bluesky you probably saw the uncropped ones 👀#asks #anon #me #gay #thirst trap

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thebigolbee · 1 year

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The way you draw Hancock so smol has me dead

Silliest little critter in the Commonwealth

#fallout #fallout 4 #hancock #john hancock #hancock fallout 4 #codsworth #codsworth fallout 4 #fallout companions #fallout oc #fallout ghoul #sole survivor #nora valentine #my art #asks #THANK YOU FOR THE ASK this has been in my drafts for a bit csdjhchj #I really appreciate it!#he's really really fun to draw to me #super easy to simplify his elements

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turquoisemagpie · 9 days

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Appreciate the little things.

Not to ignorantly deny all of the big bad things in the world, but to survive them.

#magpie ramblings #there's so much shit going on that it gets overwhelming #and it's sad that we've made ourselves feel guilty for looking away when it's too painful to watch #but we literally CAN'T survive if we keep dwelling on the unfairness of the world #and the more you ask why can't this happen or why is that happening #the quicker it is to just ask 'why do anything at all?' ... the answer is simple #'just because'#so fuck it #i'm going to appreciate a short video of someone drawing a cat; just because #i'm going to read a book about a long lost culture and history; just because #i'm going to post personal book reviews of books hardly anyone has heard of; just because #i'm going to be thankful that my indoor plants have been doing well; just because #i'm going to let someone make a decision i don't agree with and not confront them; just because #i'm going to spend the little of my own money helping maybe just one other person in the world; just because #i'm going to be kind to those who haven't treated me kindly; just because #i'm going to smile regardless of the unjust in this world; just because

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uhhhitsgray · 8 months

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fic where astarion puts lipstick on u? ☺️ I feel like that could be super intimate

aksjdhfakdhf, anon please 😭 this is so cute, yes yes I write c:

~ wc: 2k, no warnings, this is just fluffy and cute. tav and astarion are already in a relationship. attempted to make this as gender neutral as possible, but I did throw in a few pretties (since astarion does say that in the game), a few darlings and he calls you gorgeous. astarion would call you all those things regardless of gender so I hope you're okay with that ❤ enjoy & and thank you for the prompt, this was a lot of fun!

You sigh as you look down at the metal tube in your hands defeated with the fact that you don’t think, or even know, how to properly apply lipstick. Up until arriving at Baldur’s Gate you never had the need to dress nicely. Of course your clothing choice was much more than just clothing, it was armor meant for protecting and not so much for looking good.

You had found this small shop on the outskirts of the city one evening. It didn’t cost a lot of gold, and you wanted to treat yourself. Though maybe you should have gone with something you were more familiar with instead, but you wanted to feel attractive; pretty even.

It was a peaceful evening at camp, the day hadn’t been taxing on the group luckily, just a few pesky thieves but nothing else major happened. Your tent was further away from the center of camp where the others were, you enjoyed the solitude that it provided giving your mind and body an opportunity to just breathe and relax. By the gods, you’d take that chance any time it arose.

You had snuck away from the group while everyone was laughing and talking over the wine from the city. You so desperately wanted to try out this lipstick, but after several attempts and every pass looking worse than the previous your shoulders slumped in defeat, a heavy sigh leaving your lips. You could also ask someone in camp, maybe Shadowheart or Isobel would know. You remember them both stating they’ve worn makeup before, shit, Isobel currently wears makeup.

But admittedly you didn’t have that type of relationship with them. Of course you were fond of them, friends even, but close enough to ask for something like this? You weren’t sure you were that comfortable with them. Truth be told, you were only close with one person like that in your camp, the pale elf himself, Astarion. An odd person to ask possibly, has he ever worn makeup before – or lipstick even? You weren’t sure, but you weren’t sure if you even cared.

He’d help you right?

You shove the tube into your pocket, and head towards the campfire where you left him with the group. The light of the fire danced across his skin, washing warm hues across his pale skin. His rather white hair was highlighted in reds and oranges, his red irises reflecting the vermillion shades of the flames. He was laughing at something Gale was sputtering on about, a genuine smile on his face.

Truly beautiful.

You step into the light of the fire, one arm crossed across your chest holding yourself close. Caging yourself off as if you’re too afraid to ask such a simple question from the man you adore. “Astarion.”

Astarion’s attention is ripped away from Gale at the drop of his name, his name sounding like honey on your lips. He’d never get used to it. Warmth blossoms within his chest at the sight of you on the other side of the fire, “Yes, darling.” He smiles towards you, scooting himself over on the log he was sitting on, patting the wood for you to sit next to him.

You smile at him, and make your way around the side of the fire, offering a small wave to the few people who were still at the campfire. You cross behind Astarion’s back, hand dragging across his shoulders. You lean down behind him, fingers dancing up the back of his neck into his hair. “Can I ask something of you, my love?”

He leans back into your hand slightly still facing the fire as he answers. “Anything.”

You kiss his cheek, it’s short and quick as your words mumble and stumble out of your mouth. “Can I ask you away from everyone else?”

His body stiffens slightly, “Is everything okay?” Astarion turns towards you, his tone shifts in his question. Worry, and something similar to dread fills his eyes as he looks into yours. “Did… did I do something?”

You offer him a soft smile, “Everything is fine.” You cup his cheek in the palm of your hand, thumb brushing across his fire warmed skin. “You didn’t do anything.”

He swallows down the worry and dread as he leans into your palm. Astarion nods up at you, “Okay, darling. Where do you want to go?”

You look past the fire in the direction of your tent, “Is my tent okay?”

Astarion nods, standing up next to you. “Lead the way.”

The fact that you wanted to ask Astarion to put lipstick on you was plaguing your mind. You were sure you were making this a bigger deal than it really was, it wasn’t that big of a deal to begin with. But by the gods, your mind was telling you that it was the absolutely worst thing that you could ask of this man.

You slowly lead him back to your tent, your hand in his. The warmth of the fire still lingering on his skin, the cool evening breeze bringing a yin and yang sensation. “Now, darling, I’m dying to know what you wanted to ask.”

You were second guessing yourself as you pulled the front of your tent open and allowed him and yourself to walk in. You take a deep breath, “I… I — uh.” You shake your head and take a few steps further into your tent.

Astarion squeezes your hand, “You can ask me anything, you know that.”

You sigh, letting go of his hand as you drag your fingers through your hair. “I know.” You look at him, the crimson irises carefully watching you. You start pacing the length of your tent. It’s not big by any means, just enough room for your bed roll, a small table and stool. But you were gonna pace it as much as you could, as much as the space would allow; trying as best as you could to allow your mind some room to think of the question at hand.

“Darling.”

You were biting your nails as you heard Astarion call for you. Your eyes search his, uncertainty lays heavy on your expression. “You can’t laugh at me, okay?”

Astarion chuckles at that. You sweet, precious thing of his, he could never. “I wouldn’t dare laugh at you like that.”

You nod, looking at the floor again. “So I uh – I bought something in the city the other day and I need help putting it on.”

He raises an eyebrow to you, crossing his arms at his chest. “And what did you buy?”

You stuff your hand into your pocket and pull out the metal tube, palm side up showing Astarion. Your eyes burn holes into your palm, embarrassment flushes your cheeks red. How stupid is this.

You hear Astarion stepping forward, into your space. “Lipstick?”

Your eyes dare to look at him, too scared to see the expression he has on his face. “Yeah, I don’t know how to properly apply it. I was trying earlier, but it kept looking all wrong and bad and Astarion, I just wanted to look pretty.” Your words come out of your mouth a little too quick, not giving your brain enough time to process before speaking.

Astarion cups your cheek this time, a playful tone to his soft voice. “Oh darling,” He leans in and kisses your forehead. “You are always beautiful.”

Your arms cross, pouting. “But I wanted to feel pretty.” Your eyes darted up to him for a second before they found the floor, “Wanted to be pretty for you.”

“There isn’t a day where I don’t think you’re the most stunning person I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” He grabs the metal tube from your hand. “But I can put this on for you, if you so wish.”

You smile at him, “Please.”

He nods towards your stool, silently asking you to sit down. Your feet take you to the stool and you sit yourself down as Astarion opens the lid, a smile spreads on his face as he sees the color you purchased. It’s nothing flashy, a more mutual tone. Probably to not draw too much attention to yourself if he was to guess. “This color will look so pretty on those lips of yours.”

“You think so?”

Astarion steps in between your legs. One hand holds your chin, urging your head upwards so he can see you better. The other hand holds the lipstick carefully, twisted up just enough to be easily applied to your lips. “I know so.”

Your hands land on the outside of his thighs, just holding his pants as you carefully watch him. His eyes flit to yours and linger for a second longer. “Don’t look at me like that, darling.”

You smile at him, teasing, “Like what?”

“Like you want to kiss me.” Crimson eyes drift down to your lips.

“I always want to kiss you. Always want your lips on me, want them everywhere –.”

Astarion squeezes your chin, “Behave yourself, sweetheart.”

You giggle, smiling at him sweetly. “I always behave for you.”

He cocks an eyebrow to you, a smile plays across his face, fangs exposed slightly in the light of your tent. “I would have to disagree.” His hand moves in slowly, carefully, as he presses the lipstick to your lips. Your eyes are locked onto his, though he isn’t looking at you anymore, you can’t help but just watch him in concentration. Trying his best, giving his best to you.

He smiles as he pulls the lipstick away from your lips. “Gorgeous. This color suits you, darling.” He grabs your small mirror off the table next to you, flipping the mirror around for yourself to see.

Your eyes widen at how well it’s applied, like he’s done it a million times. You move the mirror around better to see his work. Astarion was right, the color does suit your skin tone just perfectly. “Thank you Astarion. I – wow. Just how are you so skilled?”

“Oh,” His eyes fall to the floor, you see his body freeze beyond your mirror as dread fills the pit of your stomach.

Shit.

You put the mirror face down on the table, standing quickly as horror washes over your face. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m sorry.”

Astarion shakes his head, and continues anyway. “I used to wear it to lure victims back to Cazador.” His voice is low, hurt as the words are hushed out.

“I… I didn’t know that, I’m sorry for asking this of you.”

“I didn’t expect you to, I’ve never told you that.” He shrugs his shoulders.

“You didn’t have to.” Your nail digs into the palm of your hand, you feel horrible for asking such a thing. If you knew you would have never asked.

Astarion’s hand reaches out for yours, fingers intertwined with yours. “I’d do anything for you, my love. It was in the past, the future will be better. Even the now is better.”

You smile at him, "And I'd do anything for you. One day at a time, my love." You giggle, pressing up on your tiptoes as you kiss his cheek. You grin at the mark the lipstick left on his cheek. He laughs knowing you've left a mark on his cheek. "I love you, thank you Astarion." You kiss his lips soft and delicate, sure to be careful not to mess up his work.

"I love you too, gorgeous. Shall we show our friends?" He takes your hand as the other opens your tent up, awaiting for you to follow him.

You smile, “What about the mark on your cheek, you want to wipe it off before we go?”

Astarion laughs as his hand snakes around your waist, pulling you close. “I’d wear any mark from you proudly, I’ll leave it.” His hand wraps around the back of your neck and pulls you into a kiss. It’s warm, soft and caring; you’ll never get used to it. Or him for that matter.

Your thumb brushes across his cheek, as you pull away from the kiss. You smile as his lips are slightly tinted the shade of your lipstick. “Alright, let’s go then.”

#astarion bg3 #baldurs gate astarion #astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x you #astarion x reader #baldur's gate 3 #this dumb pointy eared vampire has me in a chokehold #this prompt was so fucking cute i screamed when i saw it #thank you for asking for this #i appreciate you sm

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buwheal · 1 month

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...Unfortunately, no. I don't doubt that you hear something, but we can't hear anything on our end. What does it sound like?

(If you’re going to help out, it’d great to also add something to distract him :-) )

#Youre being asked for help. Dont fuck up this opportunity. Or do. I cant control you. :-)#[you've got mail!]#spamton #spamton g spamton #deltarune #deltarune spamton #deltarune chapter 2 #teehee hope youre enjoying the aftermath recovery of what you causseeeddd #ill fix the gif looping when i get homeeee because for whatever reason my phone wont let me have stopping gifs???#not animating the static for this one because the file size is huggeeeee and also thats a lot of damn work for how many frames there are #thank you anon so much for playing along AND giving a great ask!!! very well worded i appreciate it #WAAAGGHHH WAGGHHHH YOURE MAKIBGVME FEEL BAD #:-(

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noodles-and-tea · 1 month

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this is such a specific compliment but you draw Sherlock & Co!Jonk with like. the /exact/ amount of facial hair i imagined 8]

Okay but the specificity of the compliment means so much to me thank you :’)))

#I actually started out drawing him with no facial hair so #it took me a while to find my groove #one might say it … grew on me…..#hee hee but thank you love I appreciate it #my art #ask #sherlock holmes #john watson #sherlock and co.#sherlock & co

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canisalbus · 3 months

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it's been a while since vasco and machete stargazing was brought up, but I distinctly remember you wondered if machete would be able to see the stars at all. i asked my old teacher who's albinistic and proudly calls herself "the mole" due to her being almost legally blind. and she can see really bright stars on clear nights when she's not in an overly light polluted area. so good news! machete can stargaze

#responding to this several months late sorry #I'm going through my unanswered asks again #but that's wonderful! good to know! ;_;#you didn't have to go through the trouble but I appreciate it! and thanks for taking the time to get back to me #now I have to dig up that stargazing sketch and actually finish it #answered #anonymous

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comradekatara · 1 month

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I saw your toph+katara gender post and honestly... thank you for being one of few ppl i've seen who actually do a deeper analysis of toph? Most people tend to just go "i love toph she's cool <3" and while that's fine, its so nice to actually see someone Get Her. Esp wrt her gender expression and relationship to femininity. She's always been v imporant to me, like when i was like 12 i used to watch youtube clips of the toph+katara spa day scene on repeat and have Feelings abt it (still think its a super interesting scene??). Imo, while a lot of her expression is def rebelling (+overcompensating) and doing the oposite of her feminine upbringing, a lot of it is also a genuine JOY at being covered in dirt/burping/being loud and crass and tough? Idk i just feel like a lot of her contemporary "tomboy" characters were more defined as "ugh i hate Skirts and Dresses", but tophs brand of gnc joy and complex relationship w femininity always hit closer For Me? Like. She's loud and crass and rude and badass and cool, she does find it fun to dress girly but as like an Activity with a buddy, she's overjoyed at being portrayed as a big buff dude ("that's exactly how i would cast it!"), she's actually very spiritual and perceptive when not in Loud Mode, she keeps her fancy hairstyle but adds messy bangs, idk she's just. Character of all time. I'd love to hear if you have more thoughts on toph+gender (or just toph in general), and thank you for actually Understanding Her <33

YES!!!!! i have so many thoughts and feelings on toph. she is one of my absolute favorite characters i truly love her so much, and like you said, i hate when people dismiss her even as they claim to love her. "she's so badass" like okay, and?

toph is also just very important to me as her disability informs so much of her arc. and that disability is also inextricable from her gender and her family and all the factors that shape who she is, her strengths and her insecurities. you cannot separate her parents' abuse from her gender, class, or blindness. it's the combination of being an aristocratic blind girl that informs who she is and how she's perceived, especially by her family. she's an only child in a family that would clearly desire at least one son, and you cannot help but wonder whether they stopped at one for eugenicist purposes, whether they couldn't bear the "pain" of risking having another disabled child. and also because they clearly consider having a blind child such a handful that any other child would draw their attention away from her dire, pressing needs. so they completely smother her, but they also dismiss her, trivialize her desires and ignore her feelings and treat her more like a fragile porcelain doll than a person.

it's why, by the time of "the chase," she gets inordinately defensive over katara's suggestion that she pitch in when setting up camp. i see a lot of people claim that toph in this episode is acting like a spoiled brat who refuses to do manual labor because she's too wealthy to understand, but that's not actually the case. toph is fine with doing manual labor (she literally spent who knows how long working in an underground wrestling ring, she's not unaccustomed to work), but she's averse to helping others. as she says, "i carry my own weight." she's establishing, erroneously but understandably, that her idea of affording others respect is assuming that everyone behaves on an individual basis. she's never had friends before, by her own admission, and so in her mind, the only model she's ever seen for "helping others" is smothering them, denying their agency, and deciding everything for them.

toph thinks that katara is a bitch because katara is suggesting that toph meddle in other people's affairs, instead of respecting their own business. and katara thinks that toph is a bitch because she does just straight up assume that toph is a spoiled brat who doesn't understand the value of community. and while toph isn't a spoiled brat, learning the value of community is indeed integral to her arc. and more than simply communal values of helping and sharing with others, she also learns to rely on them in turn. she learns how to embrace her vulnerability, and let others carry her weight for her. her apotheosis in the finale is literally hanging onto sokka, who is holding her entire weight with one hand, for dear life. putting her complete faith in him to carry her and protect her as he always does.

that ability to embrace her vulnerability among the people she actually trusts to not only love and support her, but also to recognize her as a human being and care about her as a a peer, is so crucial to her identity as someone who has learned from years of ableist stigma to put walls up and present herself as someone uniquely powerful and invulnerable. and it's not that she isn't uniquely powerful, but her strength is also largely a projection. it's why she's so delighted to be portrayed by a big buff man, because that's the kind of person she wishes she could be, so that she wouldn't have to be underestimated and belittled and oppressed by people who dismiss her and coddle her and disrespect her and, quite literally, put her in a box.

so if toph's experience with disability is informed by her class and her upbringing, then let's now turn to her experience with gender, which is equally informed by her background. katara often balks at toph's less feminine presentation, because despite her incredibly righteous crusade against limiting patriarchal standards, she nonetheless has her own hangups when it comes to gender. but then again, so does toph. just as katara disdains toph's masculinity, toph finds katara's femininity offensive because her only real model for femininity in her experience is that of aristocratic wifehood. poppy beifong, to be exact, who is not exactly a girlboss (let alone a revolutionary, like katara is). and when katara tries to shove toph back into a box, toph resists because of course she does, that's who she is. she's not going take what she experiences as violent repression lying down.

toph is wrong in "the runaway" to exclude katara from their fun, and she is wrong to call compare her to a mother, but it's not out of nowhere. there is an obvious precedent to these actions. katara is a genuinely feminine girl who loves to boss people around and dictate how they should live their lives. to toph, this is the most egregious sin imaginable. katara, through her femininity and authoritative attitude, is positioning herself, in toph's eyes, as her mother. and toph calls her out for being overbearing and claims that katara hates fun and wants to boss everyone around for this reason, even though sokka is obviously the primary fun-hating, overbearing member of the group.

however, sokka never dictates how toph should act or dress, sokka never made fun of toph for being blind (which is a thing that really deserves its own post, if we're being honest). sokka makes them spend their vacation time at the library and enforces his color-coded schedules on them and generally brings down the vibe what with his neuroticism and severity, but he also laughs at toph's jokes and banters with her in a way that treats her as a friend and not as a rival. and unlike katara, whose desires and commands seem completely arbitrary to toph, sokka's commands are grounded in a logic that toph can understand. so even if from an outside perspective, toph's claim that a revolutionary teenage girl who loves to cause trouble and seeks adventure and joy around every corner is trying to be the overbearing mom of the group makes no sense, it makes perfect sense to toph, based on her history with femininity, overbearing mothers, and feminine overbearing mothers.

toph presents masculinely as compensation, as a way to make herself seem strong and tough instead of dainty and submissive as she was always made out to be. she associates masculinity with strength and femininity with weakness because that's the paradigm she grew up in. it's why she's always teasing aang about his supposed femininity and calling him "twinkle toes" (which, as sokka points out, isn't manly). in their first interaction, aang beat her in a fight and humiliated her in front of all her adoring fans, and avatar or not, toph's gonna make him pay for that by undermining him in turn, by using his presentation as a monk to mock him. even if aang isn't gay or even gender non-conforming (within the assumptions of his own culture), toph is still employing the logic of sexism/homophobia to undermine aang when she makes jokes about him being "more in touch with [his] feminine side than most guys." and of course, the nickname "twinkle toes" is also deeply affectionate, and aang (bless his heart) never actually takes offense to it. but toph is trying to establish herself as more powerful than him due to the humiliating knowledge that he could beat her in a fight, easily.

toph's masculinity is inextricably tied to her invulnerability. she wants to be taken seriously and treated as a human being, which is respect that has been denied to her due to her status as a blind girl, save for her blind bandit persona, which superficially empowered her and made her feel strong. it's not coincidence that her rival earthbender is a guy who is essentially a parody of masculinity. toph wants to position herself as equivalent, if not directly superior, to the Most Masculine Man, because that's how she'll be afforded respect, in her mind. but she is a girl. and there's a part of her that likes being a girl, and wishes she could explore her femininity more than she's allowed herself to, beyond the confines of the beifong mansion. she keeps her hair long because she still loves her family and holds out hope that maybe one day they can accept her (she comes from a culture modeled off of tang dynasty china, so her long hair is likely a product of her adherence to confucian values). and once she embraces it, she genuinely does get into being made over at the fancy lady day spa.

femininity has been a genuinely harmful and repressive agent in toph's life, and it's understandable that she would internalize some misogynistic notions surrounding girl/womanhood as they were foisted onto her her entire childhood. but femininity isn't ontologically harmful. femininity isn't ontological, period. i think as toph gets older, and her friendship with katara grows deeper as they both come to be more honest with each other, she would grow to embrace her masculinity in a more organic and less compensatory way. less of a "i'm not like other girls" complex (which itself is not something that girls should be mocked and punished for, but rather a product of a patriarchal system that oppresses and alienates women, thus leading many less gender-conforming girls to attempt to assert their agency and individuality in any way they can, even if it means putting down others in the process), and more so genuinely coming to embrace her butchness. (you don't necessarily have to read her as a baby butch, of course, but considering that being a masculine girl is important to her, i think that's a really lovely and beautiful synthesis of her relationship to gender as a character.)

i think toph would learn stop pitting masculinity and femininity against each other, and instead embrace whatever aspects of either (or neither) she desires, while nonetheless respecting everyone else's deal in turn. i think she would also, in a key turning point, realize that even if she loves her parents, she doesn't have any obligation to be the daughter they expect her to be, and cuts her hair. and as she grows more secure in herself (which comes with age, no twelve year old is truly confident in their own skin), she would stop feeling the need to put other people down to feel big, and be comfortable embracing her desires. and, credit to her, she's clearly already on her way. the progress she makes being vulnerable, especially around sokka, even in what is chronologically a matter of months, is huge.

toph isn't just "badass" because she's strong and powerful. but rather, what makes her so powerful, at least to disabled viewers who see their struggles reflected in hers, is her ability to grow with her environment, allowing herself to admit help, and letting herself be loved. if you couldn't already tell, toph is incredibly important to me.

#smultronviol #asks #toph #analysis #katara&toph #sokka&toph #aang&toph #poppy beifong #god she just means so much to me.....#i was trying not to make this too personal but like. baby disabled dyke. god she is so important.#not that i'm butch. but i think she is :)#also some of those links are better than others but i included all of them anyway lol #realizing now that i actually talk about toph a lot...#anyway. thank you for this ask #i really really appreciate it and took a while responding specifically because i wanted to have time to be thorough #not that this is like. The definitive toph essay #but i hope what i wrote here resonated #because like i said. she means a lot to me and i truly do feel like very few ppl understand her fully #she is so important blind bandit numero uno campeon del mundo

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