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moony-2001 · 5 months

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Lore Olympus ep. 252 critique

Before all you stans get mad I generally thought this episode was pretty okay. But maybe that’s because not a whole lot happened.

Cassandra

So going in the order of events, first up is our favorite gal Cassandra.

Gotta say, already like her loads.

I don’t have a whole lot to say about her general existence, beyond the fact that it’s stupid that Apollo is using her as a walking incognito tab. My main criticism more lies around the idea of when did Apollo even meet her? He obviously couldn’t have met her during the time skip because there were no interactions allowed between realms during that time and he was kicking it in Olympus.

We also have no indication of when he actually met her post-punishment. There’s no definitive timeline for how far we are post-time skip, but by my estimation, we can’t be more than a month past when the embargo officially lifted. Idk I can already smell the mess that is this storyline a mile away.

The SA plot line

Holy fuck. I don’t exactly know what the hell Rachel is exactly trying to achieve with the SA plot line but I can tell you that the handling of it has been piss poor.

Uhhh... this is great and all except for the fact that Persephone never thought this. There is not one shred of evidence that Persephone ever liked or actually found Apollo handsome. Not even in the very early chapters. She didn't even say that he made her feel special. She said that she liked the way Hades made her feel. Hades made her feel special by grooming her but that's a whole-ass post on its own.

Even after her assault, she continued to express at minimum a clear discomfort for him in front of others and at maximum immense hatred for him when by herself or with only him. And now suddenly Rachel wants to flip the script? Why? What purpose would that serve? Why is she suddenly backpedaling on a plotline that was established within the first 25 episodes/the second day Persephone is on Olympus? The SA plotline is the longest-running and the "big bad" that has yet to be resolved. But now it only pops up when the story needs a little conflict or an extra boost to drive it forward. Plus now she wants to portray Apollo as this misunderstood ex-love interest/boyfriend with whom the audience is supposed to sympathize? It's disgusting. @genericpuff who I really need to stop tagging in these posts I'm so sorry made an excellent essay about how Rachel is burying the SA plot line that basically takes what I've said above and greatly expands it. Go read it, they made a lot of excellent points.

Melinoe

Ah yes. The mystery deity that was really Hades’ inner child/actual child all along!

So I actually had a conversation with another LO critic about how weird I thought this "inner child -> actual canonical child" pipeline was. Now, granted, I could be reading into this way too much but when I first read this, I honestly thought it was some kind of weird/unintentional representation of parents projecting their trauma onto their children.

We've seen this little ghost buddy in past chapters and a lot of people (myself included) thought that our ghost buddy was a representation of Hades' inner child. A little Hades if you will. And it was portrayed that way. We often saw our little ghost buddy/little Hades who was extremely traumatized by Hades' past experiences. The part of Hades that just can't let go despite what he may claim about "moving on" or "being better". But if this little ghost/Hades is actually their kid Melinoe, that means they saw everything that Hades went through. All his traumas, all his struggles. Everything. And now also with Persephone and her little jaunt through the mind-scape and the shit she saw. So now we have to recontextualize all of those scenes where Hades interacts with this being and tbh the scenes kind of become very ick? This is such a strange direction to take this particular storyline. Something about it just rubs me the wrong way and I don't know if it's my above complaint or something else.

But yeah. Pretty tame in comparison to some of my past posts and posts that will come. Until the next chapter and/or my next post.

#anti lore olympus #lore olympus #anti lo persephone #anti lo #lore olympus critical #lo criticism #lo critic #lo critical #lo hate #unpopular lo #unpopular lore olympus

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a-dragons-journal · 3 years

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i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

#probably should've put this under a cut but oh well #otherkin #kin for fun #kinnie #kinning #rani talks #asked and answered #anonymous #rani talks A LOT apparently sbfldkngjlksdf #i have a lot of feelings on this #long post

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likearecordbb · 3 years

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about your post on the recent discourse...

it's honestly so confusing to me because like,, you say that ppl pointing out how members of this fandom will make neil very stereotypically 'feminine' is reinforcing the idea of 'masculinity' as one thing and 'femininity' as another.... and i get that we should get rid of these labels. but at the same time... the content itself that ppl are criticising (the ones that 'feminize' neil) are already doing just that. that's why they're criticising it.

i can't point out how ppl are reinforcing the idea that a relationship should have a 'man' and a 'woman', without... saying that that's what they're doing. the writer themselves already sees relationships this way and 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as two different distinct things. that's exactly *why* they're writing neil this way while keeping andrew close to canon.

there's nothing wrong with neil being stereotypically 'feminine' of course. but to act like it's somehow misogynistic for me to go to these ppl and be like 'hey, u shouldn't view mlm relationships through the lens of a hetero one! it can be very harmful' is weird to me... *especially* considering these stereotypes that ppl are pushing onto neil come from misogyny themselves. (ppl making neil much much more emotional than he is in canon while keeping andrew very stoic)

idk, like... ur simultaneously saying that we shouldn't view relationships as needing a 'man' and a 'woman'... while defending people who are doing just that and creating content which reinforces just that.

it's one thing to say 'we shouldn't view masculinity and femininity as two distinct and different things!'/'we should get rid of these labels all together cause they're meaningless'... but if i look at the content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes... then i can't help but feel like ur not as detached from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as u would like to believe... i trust the ppl who say these ideas are meaningless while not changing the canon characters because they seem to be sticking to their words.

people will just say that they prefer writing andreil is this heternormative way... they'll just say it what they like or what they're most comfortable writing without ever questioning *why* they prefer it this way.

and if they're projecting.. well then, *why* this couple? why pick an mlm couple to project what is often the experience of a cis woman in a relationship? why pick this mlm couple when there are others that do fit the stereotypical heternormative dynamic? idk. like,, u can do this ofc, but ppl can also call u out on ur shit.

there's an undeniable reason that neil is exclusively the one that ppl pick to make more stereotypically 'feminine'. and there's a reason this type of content is also so popular. and it's certainly not wrong to point this out.

You know, I can see all of these points that you're making. For me, the overall issue of this is very complicated. I am also super uncomfortable with the imposition of heteronormative roles onto...well, onto any relationship, regardless of the identities of the people who constitute it. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the gay community by lesbian moms (together 38 years now, jfc, can you imagine??), so that "man/woman" thing was never something that I grew up internalizing or normalizing. I can recognize that this may give me a bit too much of a sense of objectivity.

However, I'm also like...I've been ruined by grad school. The "feminizing" word makes me really uncomfortable because it starts to stray for me into gender essentialism territory. It also seems to foundationally differentiate between "masculine" behaviors and "feminine" behaviors and I just really hate that? Lesbian moms, trans daughter, bi (and late-in-life trying to see where on the ace spectrum I might fall) self, I've just met so many people with so many expressions of gender and sexuality and I just... Idk, I automatically resist anything that feels like it's upholding "masculinity" and "femininity" as real (as in, not constructed) things. And then I also am like, well, I've known SO MANY gay men who behaved in the ways that the discourse constructs as "feminized" and then I start to feel like, what about these men? Are they less 'men' because of it? How would it feel for that man to read these things saying his identity expression was a problem or a bad stereotype? Do I read *Neil Josten* within that context... no, not really. I think Neil has a 'not enough emotional expression' problem way before he has a 'too much emotional expression' problem.

I'll say here what I often say to my students in complex discussions: I don't have answers. I don't think I'm right and anyone else is wrong. I just have complicated thoughts and feelings and concerns about some of the things that sometimes seem to be left uninterrogated.

So, I do 100% get the need to be vigilant about the imposition of a "man" (dominant, emotionally constipated, sexually driven, stoic) role and "woman" (emotional, needy, teary, dependent) role onto relationships with two (or more!) men or women. I would also argue that we need to get rid of that idea in hetero relationships, too, because it's super damaging. I just wish we could find a way to talk about that that didn't feel like it was accepting this idea of femininity as a given? And I definitely agree that it's problematic when the 'bottom' in a relationship is depicted as the one who's soft and silly and weepy. (Have you read TJ Klune's Tales from Verania series? A VERY fun world that does that not at all and it's great). I'm not saying these things are not worth confronting--I'm just really uncomfortable with the way the conversations are often framed around a concept of femininity/feminizing. It feels like shrapnel, I guess? Like, 'ugh stop feminizing Neil he's not weepy and uwu he's a badass' feels inherently to me like it's making femininity and badassery mutually exclusive? Maybe I'm just looking for a caveat or footnote in the argument that acknowledges that that is constructed *for women too*? And is a part of, like, a larger heteronormative patriarchal structure? And not something that we can just all obviously agree is the way the ladies (should?) behave?

One other question I've been dying to ask, though, is: where are these fics? I don't think I've ever read something where Neil is crying over Jack being mean to him or anything. Maybe if I start to see hints of that characterization, I just close the tab and never end up getting to the 'worst' of it?

Although, if what you said earlier about the "content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes..." was referring to me, then... idk what to say to that. I don't think that's what I do. The heteronormative relationship that you're describing isn't one that I enjoy, desire for myself (or anyone else), or have any interest in reproducing.

Does this clarify what I'm trying to say? I guess it's a really long way of saying, in the old insufferable grad school tradition: well, first we have to define our terms. Because I'm not sure we're all coming up with the same thing when we use the word "feminizing" and that probably has a lot to do with why we keep having this exact same conversation over and over and over again.

If I missed any specific point you'd like to pick at in more detail, please let me know--my very sad platonic life partner (who had to put her beloved 15-year-old poodle to sleep yesterday) and her mom are waiting for me to drive them to the stores for a distraction, so I'm feeling a little time pressure.

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meruz · 3 years

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Aforementioned long ask post please excuse me while i try to figure out tumblr's new text editor. I’ll get into the art meme questions first and then the rest at the end.

Ok first of all thank you all for sending in questions! Giving me an excuse to talk hehe. I’ll address these in number order. Here’s a link to the ask meme for reference but also I’ll restate the question for ease of reading.

1. When did you get into art?

Super cliche answer but I don’t remember a time where I WASN’T the weird art kid! I started keeping a dedicated sketchbook when I was about 12? But here’s a page from my kindergarten journal about what I want to be when I grow up.

2. What art-related sites have you ever signed up for?

LOL this is a weird question. Not sure why so many people want to know. Anyways I definitely had a dA. more than one dA account. I used to browse oekakis when I was a kid but I think I was only signed up to some small ones that internet friends owned. What else...? Mangabullet,Tegakie, Paintberri, iscribble back when that was a thing, instagram if that COUNTs, I used to post art on livejournal and dreamwidth too. Patreon, I guess. Gumroad, inprnt, bigcartel, storenvy all for selling stuff.

In terms of resources.. I have a schoolism account that I’m sharing with friends. Used to take classes on coursera for free. I signed up to textures.com for work recently haha. I can’t remember if I ever had an account on posemaniacs. Did they have accounts...? I definitely used to visit all the time.

3. Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand.

Alright here’s me actually logging into my old deviantart account. These are from September 2008 So I was 13 years old. I don’t have a deviantart account from before then because 13 was the required age for having an account and I didn’t want to lie about my age because I wanted people to be impressed by how young yet clearly incredible at art I was LOL.

4. What defines your artistic style?

You guys are probably more equipped to answer this than me but uh... I wanna say... Focus on colors. And... a slightly heavy hand? Like confident... not always well-considered mark making HAH...

Also I think I have a pretty healthy mix of american comics/manga influences. I feel like people who are into american comics always think my art is too manga and people who are into anime/manga always think my art is too american. And I’m taking that as a good sign.

5. Do you practice other styles/have you tried other styles in the past?

I like to think I switch it up a bunch! I mean, these are pretty different, right?

I think I’ve mentioned this before but one thing I really took away from art school is that, for an illustrator at least, art style shouldn’t be consistent. Your greatest weapon is changing the aspects of your style based on the task, the emotions and message you want to illustrate etc. So depending on the project I’m working on, the fandom I’m drawing for, whether I want something to be funny or serious or dramatic, I’ll change things about my style all the time.

One thing I don’t rly post on here is really tight polished work and that’s because I do that for my day job haha. If you’re not paying me... I’m probably not gonna color in the lines.

6. What levels of artistic education have you had?

I have a whole ass diploma LOL. Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration. from the Rhode Island School of Design. And I had a great college experience tbh. Besides the student loans. If any of you guys are thinking about art school feel free to e-mail or message me questions or concerns, I’ll be happy to help. Be as honest as I can be.

7. Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you did not put on a public site.

heres the wandavision kids. Uhh what else do I have...I feel like I’m rummaging for loose change here...

assorted valentines prep doodles

8. What is your favourite piece that you have done?

Well, obviously this is gonna change all the time and generally it’s gonna be my most recent piece LOL. So yeah, why the hell not. I’ll say it’s this one. I have a pretty short memory which I count as a blessing for an artist. I don’t dwell that long on older work and it keeps me moving forward.

10. What do you like most about your art?

I like that it’s something that only I would make! I had this thought fairly recently and I wrote it down in my sketchbook, it’s pretty cheesy and rambling but it felt revolutionary at the time:

So yeah. I like my art best when it’s the most me and for me. And I like it least when it feels like I’m just making something for social media or for other people’s expectations or whatever.

14. What do you like drawing the most?

Kids in baggy clothing are like my go-to LOL idk if that’s obvious. but also I like being challenged so lately I’ve really loved drawing multi-character compositions, environments, weird angles, etc.

oh i LOVE drawing the underside of shoes lol. And bandages. People that are kinda beat up.. I think it comes from getting a bunch of cuts all the time. I’m always patching myself up and I want to patch characters up too.

15. What do you like drawing the least?

mmm I try to find something to like in every drawing but lets see... I don’t like doing commissions of people’s dogs. Just because it’s normally like... a family friend and my mom volunteered me without my consent and I don’t even really know what they’re expecting me to draw and I don’t even get to meet the dog. Also I’m not that great at dog anatomy. Trying to learn though.

18. What is your purpose for drawing?

This could have a million answers! Uhhh to GIT GOOD??? But also to express myself... and also to make money... I mean it depends on what the drawing IS. I draw fanart mostly to connect to people in the fandom so if you ever see me drawing fanart please take it as like an open invitation to talk to me about the character haha.

20. How would you rank your art? (poor, mediocre, good, etc.)

Good!!! I have a lot of self-confidence primarily born out of ignorance and a short attention span. If I don’t think too hard about how many other artists are mindblowingly unfathombly good... its easy to think I’m good too! LOL

In all seriousness though, I think the opinion a person has of their art is like a crazy balancing act, right? Like you have to think you suck enough to want to get better but also you have to think you’re good enough to not want to give up. I think we’re all walking that line, I know I am! But also I’m a glass half-full type of person so. Most of the time I feel good about it.

22. List at least one of your “artspirations.”

This is a good question because I’ve been trying and failing to put together one of those “influence map” memes for like a full month now. What’s giving me a hard time is I feel like none of these are actually really obvious “““influences”““ in my art? Like it’s hard to see a lot of them in the work I make...? But idk maybe you guys’ll see what I can’t.

And these are just a couple! God there’s so many more. I could talk about other artists for ages, from all different genres of art. Daumier, Rockwell like every illustrator out there, Dana Gibson, Alex Toth, Hiroshi Yoshida, a lot of the Brandywine School. Lots of current working artists too, Karl Kerschl, frikkin Masashi Kishimoto lol, Jake Wyatt, Richie Pope, Edouard Caplain, Matt Cook, Sachin Teng, - lots of big internet artists, Sophie Li, Freddy Carrasco, Milliofish, Angela Sung... like all my friends from art school too. I could just keep going but I’ll stop for now lol.

24. Do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc.)

I mean if that’s how we’re defining shameful?? sure LOL. It’s not sprite comics but I used to do pokemon sprite recolors all the time. And I used to trace manga panels and color them... Granted this was all when I was like under 12 yrs old so it’s not even embarrassing. Can you really call it shameful when a 7 year old wets the bed or whatever? Not really. In fact some of these are cool as fuck. Look

25. Draw a picture!

Man I’m so tired now but here.

I used to get a lot of compliments for drawing people smiling lol but I don’t think I’ve drawn a lot of smiling lately.. here’s proof I’ve still got it.

OK MEME DONE. onto the rest.

I read this ask first thing when i opened my computer in the morning and it made me really emotional.. I’m so glad my sketches could help you!!

I think a lot of artists on social media talk about the struggle of making art but imo not enough people talk about the joy! Like I know it’s corny but. I really meant what I said at the beginning of that sketchbook about re-contextualizing art around process and progress > product and perfection. I think its super important..! The strength of messy, unfinished, and energetic art! For the feeling of it, for the love it!

That's crazy!!! I hope you like 'em. The whole line of x-books is really good rn imo.

Hi! I totally have the answer for digital stuff on my faq lol. But in terms of drawing on paper.. it varies! I tend to use sketchbooking and any on-paper doodling I do as a way to loosen up/warm-up or experiment. But right now my go-to aresenal is:

from top > bottom

- kuretake no.55 doublesided brush pen

- tombow fudenosuke

- muji 0.38 ballpoint

- medium size poscas

- grey tombow double brush pens

- good ol bic mechanical pencil

not EXACTly sure which inking you referring to from my sketchbook but if I had to take a guess it'd probably be the kuretake no55. That's been my main inker, lately. Great for sketching with the thin end too.

You can print out and eat my art if you like. Just please don't mass produce or re-sell. <3

Thanks! I've come to accept that my art is always gonna be sort of gestural and painty naturally. It's getting it to tighten up enough to be legible that's hard lol...

uh yeah lol I agree actually. I think yolei is great.

I assume these asks are related? LOL

1) Yeah totally true. I love David.

2) I don’t take requests, sorry! But if you want to commission me to draw Legion i would be MORE than happy to. Just e-mail me at [email protected].

<33333333333333333333333333

#ask #anonymous

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blackgirlsuperherorants · 3 years

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With more articulation, I'm ready to talk about why the push for Lokius simply bothers me, and this can be said for other m/m or w/w ships that fans push to be canon so hard just because they ship it.

It's the framing. The framing that if Marvel doesn't do it (or whatever the brand is), it's because homophobia, and if other fans don't like it/ship it, it's because homophobia (even if they ship other queer ships and are queer themselves.) And the biggest problem with that is that it overshadows the REAL issue of lack of queer representation on screen in mainstream nerd media, especially from big things under the Disney umbrella (Marvel and Lucasfilm/Star Wars, especially.)

It makes it bad that your ship isn't canon instead of bad that there haven't been any queer romances on screen in the MCU.

And like, as a writer myself, I find myself dissecting the stories of other media all the time. I can watch an MCU movie or series and pretty much assess what direction the story is going in by the narrative points they're hitting. I knew Sylki was basically gonna happen (even if just a kiss) because narratively, that's what the show was doing as soon as they had that "what is love" conversation on Lamentis-1. It didn't mean I liked it. But I knew it was happening.

Similarly, there's no romantic undertones to Loki and Mobius. None. For Marvel to make them a couple, it would mean they'd be doing it simply because the two present as men and it would make stans happy. And while there's something to be said for fan service, it would be annoying to watch them cram two guys together who aren't romantic in the slightest. I'd much rather see Loki meet some guy and have the same type of undertones they were giving to Sylvie and form a real bond to where the kiss feels earned and warranted. Not just put him with the nearest man because "he gay lol."

And how you guys are claiming it's being queer that makes you want this is beyond me. It's not being queer that makes you want this. I don't want queer characters that fuck everyone of whatever gender(s) they're attracted to even when it doesn't make sense for them to. I want real love stories. I mean, yeah, sometimes we can have a slut character, because that's fun, too, but that's not even what y'all think Lokius is. You seem to want them to be in love. But why? Because he's the first friend Loki made that isn't through Thor?

I hate that, too, because I hate this idea that queer people cannot have friends of their same gender without wanting to fuck them. IDK how y'all are, maybe y'all are like that, but I almost never have wanted to fuck any of my friends. The only few exceptions have been when I tried to befriend someone I had a crush on (in which case, usually the friendship can't work, really, because I have a crush on them.) I also think it's okay if you can have casual sex with friends, or if you have a friendship that develops into romance, but Jesus, do you people not have friends that you don't want to fuck? I am bi, maybe more pan (gender kind of doesn't matter to me, I guess) and I'm friends with people of all kinds of gender identities and like... I love them as people, which is why they're my friends, but I DO NOT want to fuck them. Especially my closest friend. I talked about her, before, here, but she's like my sister. The thought of fucking her is gross, to me. Not because she's gross, but because it feels incestuous.

Loki shouldn't want to fuck Mobius just because they developed a friendship. And that's very much how it's written on the series. They almost dislike each other (or Mobius is at least indifferent to Loki) and then they become friends.

That's not to mention the power dynamic that exists, there. And I know some of y'all are subs, but yeah, it's a bit gross to imply a sexual relationship with Loki's captor.

But on to Sylki. It sucks that I feel like most of y'all hate Sylki because Sylvie is a girl, and not just because it's bad in other ways. Like, the reasons Sylki is bad have less to do with "it should have been Mobius" and more to do with it being a lazy 1980s action movie plot that should have never happened. I'm not as creeped out by the selfcest (as many of you wouldn't have been if she was a he, I'm almost positive), but what's bad about it is that they couldn't have a strong female lead character without her being the love interest of the main guy. She didn't need to be, especially because she was a Loki variant, anyway. There was no need for it to have romantic undertones, and there was no need for them to kiss. It was sexist more than it was homophobic (and I can't help feeling like y'all are kind of being biphobic in this case. Maybe I'll talk about that, later, but yeah.) It was sexist bullshit. And there's valid criticism that Sylvie is underdeveloped. She's just angry and something for Loki to project affection onto.

I was also hoping they'd do a "found family" type of thing with Sylvie and Loki and let her be like the sister he never knew he needed, but no, they had to go trope and make her the love interest. It was lazy and bad and basically went "If Loki girl, main Loki want bone!"

Basically, having the main character fall for a character just because of their proximity and gender is bad and I hate it (and it would have been bad with Mobius, too, but yeah.)

Both the Mobius and the Sylvie thing also feel kind of racist, to me, because the show has prominent Black women who aren't even presented as desirable to Loki. And y'all, of course, ship him with anyone but the Women of Color. Y'all can pull true love with Mobius out of your ass, but he couldn't possibly fall for the Black women. lol.

Anyway. Not every show needs ships, and this show shouldn't have had any. I hate it. It's bad.

I guess on the biphobia front, I have heard some takes that it's not biphobic because Loki being queer in the MCU which hasn't shown any queer relationships, and Loki being the first openly queer character means they shouldn't have shown him with a woman presenting character. Which, I guess I get where you're coming from... but I have also been in fandoms for a long time and I see mostly girls saying this shit, which is what leads me to feel like it's simply jealousy. It happens all the time when a long-beloved single male character/celebrity suddenly starts dating a woman. Everyone hates it. And like, we haven't seen Loki be with ANYONE in the MCU, because mostly he's been doing villainy and his dating life hasn't been relevant. If the demigod says he's bi, he can kiss a woman. Especially a woman version of himself. Like I said, I hate it for other reasons, but pretending it's because he should have kissed Mobius is utterly delusional. He probably shouldn't have kissed anyone. Not in this series. There was no reason for any canon romance, especially because the show has a season 2 and we'll have time to see Loki develop earned, deserved romance with someone.

I'd much rather see them create a character just to be his boyfriend than have y'all push Marvel into making Lokius canon, which is a nonsense ship that only happened because Mobius is the only prominent male-presenting character before we meet the other Lokis.

My sincere wish is for people to remember that their ships are just ships and to enjoy them without getting all self-righteous about it. I TOLD y'all that Lokius wasn't gonna be canon like 4 episodes back, and here y'all are acting shocked and like Marvel took something from you. NOBODY expected y'all to ship Lokius. It's not even queerbait.

You can make clear arguments as to why Sambucky was queerbait. It's there in undertones in the actual series.

You cannot watch Loki and tell me you thought it was queerbait, unless you think men can't have conversations or hug goodbye without being romantically involved. Which means, in my opinion, that you need to learn about healthy masculinity.

Again, this is not a defense of Marvel. They DO need to let characters be queer, for real, and not just by saying " A bit of both". Like, let Loki be queer. Let Deadpool be queer. Let these queer characters be queer on screen. Yes.

But please stop making it about your ship. I'd rather see a flashback of Loki dating a guy and see him kiss someone he loved back on Asgard than watch y'all force Lokius. Because my queer rep is not about your crackship. It really isn't. And the fact that y'all keep calling us homophobic for not liking your ship REALLY needs to be addressed.

Like, when will y'all stop? I got on Stucky shippers about this shit in the past. All of us gay as hell, too, we just don't like YOUR ship. A lot of us like other queer ships. A lot of us like queer ships in other fandoms, too, and even have queer OCs. YOUR ship just ain't it. Stop forcing it. Literally, most of the ship wars between MCU fans have been queer ship vs queer ship, not really queer ship vs straight ship. Like, the number one Stucky rival ship was Stony. Not Steggy. People are not homophobic for not wanting your ship.

Sometimes it's because they ship something else.

And sometimes, like me, it's because they want something to make sense narratively and not happen for the sake of it happening. It's always better writing to have a character meetcute a new love interest than to magically turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Like, even when the characters are straight. Like, when Moesha dated Hakeem. It was just weird, even if he was kind of a great boyfriend. He was just supposed to be her friend, and people didn't really like it because it didn't fit narratively.

And that's why ships for the most part should be left to fanfiction, with the exception of a few where fans are right to call out the writers for not making it canon because it's clearly bait (like what happened to Destiel shippers. To see Lokius shippers compare themselves to THAT was so ridiculous. Destiel shippers had a decade of evidence only to be let down by a criminally unfair ending. Lokius shippers saw two men have a deep conversation once and lost their minds.)

Anyway, I'm not saying don't ship Lokius. I don't even hate it, really. I just think it obviously shouldn't be canon, and fans pretending like they were robbed of it is ridiculous. Literally, Ao3 exists for this reason. I will never see Steve fuck Sam Wilson, so I wrote it into my fanfic. I am not mad that they didn't actually date in the main MCU storyline.

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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 3 years

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when/how did you realize beatles music was amazing and something you couldn't live without?

I'm trying to not start off every answer with "OOF" but you people do keep sending me loaded questions lol. That's fine though, I enjoy it, keep it coming! My close attachment to the bug boys (both their music and them) is new. It more or less started at the beginnng of May of this year.

I've always known about them and known a good handful of songs. We sang Yellow Submarine and Hello Goodbye in school, I have memories of playing Beatles Rockband once at my cousin's house and also the Love album used to be relatively regular car music for my family. Also, I was in class with someone who was obsessed with their music and sometimes she'd be playing songs. My opinion on the music for most of my life has been kind of… middling. There were songs I really liked or loved (like Help! or Eleanor Rigby) songs I thought were fine but didn't take much note of (something like Being For The Benefit of Mr Kite) and ones I just really didn't get the hype for (A Hard Day's Night comes to mind [I love it now]). But I have a sort of kneejerk sceptic reaction to people hyping stuff up for no discernible reason sometimes, and so the more I'd hear older people with little knowledge of music theory and history call them the be-all end-all of music, the more I sort of developed a kind of aversion to them. I just hate being told to respect and/or like things without knowing why, y'know?

PSA to older Beatles fans: you will NOT convince younger people to listen to your music by telling them their music taste sucks actually.

On the other hand, I had also sort of gotten the idea I should maybe go through their entire discography and get behind the myth of it all. I sort of attempted this a few times over the years, like I started listening to Sgt. Pepper once and then for some reason had to stop halfway, and I listened to the This Is The Beatles playlist on spotify a few nights in a row in 2019 lol.

What actually made me commit to doing it was 1) I had seen a LOT of backlash against Taylor for breaking the Beatles' records for 3 number one albums within the least amount of time in the UK last April, and like the sheer stupidity of some of the arguments being made why "Actually She Didn't Break This Record" really set me off (for example talking about it being "more effort" to buy an album back in the day… But the Beatles weren't competing for number one against anyone who had it "easier" to sell their albums and Taylor wasn't competing against anyone who had it "harder" than her. Or talking about absolute pure sales numbers when that's not what going number one means?) and 2) in a Discord I was in, someone shared a link to an 8-Bit version of Sgt. Pepper at the beginning of May, which I decided to listen to cause it seemed like good study music and I rather enjoyed! I found it really let their talent for creating good melodies shine through.

WHY DO I KEEP COMPLETELY EXPOSING MYSELF IN MINIATURE ESSAYS WHEN ASKED STRAIGHTFORWARD QUESTIONS

Anyways, so all of that made me go okay! I'm gonna go through this motherfucking huge discography then I will know this music better than a LOT of the people who hype it up and then I will be able to be objective about all of this.

So I listened to Sgt. Pepper and Please Please Me and then the White Album. The first was enjoyable but I didn't really ~get the immense hype, Please Please Me bored me at first (I think their early style is something you kind of need to get into and need to hear a few times to fully appreciate. But also Love Me Do sucks and why a record label thought it would be a good debut single is absolutely BEYOND ME) and the last one REALLY caught me off guard. There was stuff in there I loved (Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da is actually possibly my very first favourite song that wasn't a kids' song. I used to have to go to these psychomotor education classes and that song played there often and I adored it. Also Piggies slaps, send tweet) but also like a lot of stuff I found pretty weird and off-putting. And I still haven't warmed up to Yer Blues and Why Don't We Do It In The Road. That album did, however, get me very interested in the band. I think the weirdness of the album really just invited me to look into their history. I wanted to understand why they had broken up. That sent me down the rabbithole of the India trip history and I just kept reading more and more wikipedia articles related to all of it.

It was around this point I sort of came to realize that I'd had a lot of wrong preconceived notions about them, especially John. I was never someone like roaming around twitter, yelling for him to be cancelled, but he had simply never seemed sympathetic to me. For instance, IDK if I misunderstood what someone told me or if that person had misunderstood, but the story of John learning chords with Paul left-handed to follow him better (and maybe also Stuart not letting Paul change around the strings on his bass) had somehow been morphed into John finding Paul's left-handed playing off-putting and forcing Paul to play right-handed?? And I was like "Wow, what an asshole!" Also all the 1970 narrative that the two didn't like each other, plus I projected boomers' and gen-xers' Beatle snobism onto them and just got the impression they were pretentious narcissists. (I mean they were kind of that, but not to the extent or in the same way I imagined)

So I think learning these things opened me up to them more. Like I realized Hey! They were my age! And then at some point I found out about the Christmas albums and thought that was so fascinating, that that existed, (a huge part of my initial interest was my fascination with the marketing around them, which is why I watched AHDN and Help! super early on) so I listened to those and was like "Fuck! These guys are endearing!" and then I remember lurking on bug-tumblr and seeing that "Well that was very observant of them, because we aren't American actually" quote and I wanted to find the video of it and ended up finding this legendary video. And starting to actually like these guys and realizing they took all of this ten times less seriously than their Boomer fans do made me more excited to keep listening to the discography and look up more of the stories behind the songs and just kind of… Come to understand them better. I also found that once I accepted that some Boomers are just gonna hype up their fave music too much I'd enjoy it more. Like I'd listen to I Want To Hold Your Hand and get a bit defensive like "why do you love this so much??? the lyrics are so dumb??" but when I just kind of accepted that fact I realized no! It's an amazingly structured bop, which yes, has weak lyrics but it's fine!!! It's the Call Me Maybe of its day and that's NOT a bad thing!!

And in the end they have an amazingly versatile catalogue that covers most things you might be in the mood for. It is kind of hard (for me) not to like it.

There are still sort of two bands in my head: the archetype, the myth, the pretentious group of people who hate each other that I just sort of instinctively want to dislike and the band who sang all those songs I had NO IDEA existed and came into my life without any baggage or expectations from my part. I've pretty much never listened to say Hey Jude in the past months, even though I don't find it bad the outro is too fucking long because it's kind of got too much of that baggage to me still.

This was SUCH a ramble but I hope this makes sense to people to some extent. Anyways I'm a new fan, drag me, but maybe drag me more for how much I seem to know after three months. Seriously, this is a curse.

#mine #ask #bugs #anon

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fairycosmos · 3 years

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why do ppl keep forcing you to write those long ass fake positive messages about life when they come to you complaining like you're their damn therapist? you dont even believe those words yourself and with good reason. everythings fucking shit and nothing ever gets better. people need to stop complaining to you expecting to gain hope from someone who's fucking hurting too

hey it's ok, there's a lot of ppl who vent to me that i never even get around to replying to bc my own mental health is shit - and it's rare that anyone gets pissed at me for not responding. so i don't feel forced at all, until people start getting mad, or until people expect something more than just a stranger's opinion on the internet. that's when i feel the need to take a step back esp with what im going through atm. but other than that it's cool. we're all in pain, might as well talk about it. look i totally get what you mean and so much of me agrees with you but also like...... i Do believe what i tell people to an extent. i believe in seeking professional help, i believe in growth and perspectives shifting with time, i believe that the apparent permanence of intense emotional pain is an illusion, i believe that we'll be dead for eternity and alive for only a fraction of a second so there's nothing to be gained by harming yourself or worse. maybe in the grand scheme it is all pointless and we are fighting a losing battle, but in the small scale of our lives there's generally a way forward. even if it's not true for me, it's true for many. thats how the world keeps turning. i believe all of this for other people but i don't believe it for myself because i have a different relationship with myself than i have with others, and i know what i'm like. but i'd feel weird taking that hopelessness and projecting it onto those who are seeking support and who are already vulnerable. it's definitely hypocritical, and i've thought that for years, but i'm unsure what to do about it. but yeah, everything is absolutely fucking shit. there's no way around that. we don't have much of a say in anything. my friend told me the other say that being alive really is just battle after battle. literally the only thing we can do is look at what's actually in our control and try to make it slightly more bearable for ourselves and each other. it's all going to be over sooner than we think anyway. anyway thank you for thinking of me n acknowledging me n making me feel idk. like it's normal for me to not know what to do/to be at a loss. bc i really am, but it doesn't mean i think everyone should be. that's why i try to stress the importance of therapy or working with professionals to overcome whatever's going on. anyway i really appreciate it and i hope you're ok, or as ok as can be in this place. at this point i think it's just about coping. i know it doesn't seem like much of an existence, but there has to be some moments of peace or positivity waiting for us somehow. even if it's like laughing really hard with someone while everything else is going to shit

#i hav a lot of thoughts abt this i literally could go on but it's a lot #anon

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x-exo · 3 years

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*slides into your asks with a rose in my mouth* why hello, tis me!

Apologies for the long wait but your favorite long asks anon is here and OOF so much has happened. Let us break it down one by one lol

Monsta x our beans, welp we can officially say we are army wives for them because shownu is now at the military and just welp this feels weird lol. I lowkey forgot he was meant to enlist so when the news came out I went through so many emotions. Its why the latest comeback feels a bit bittersweet to me. It is their BEST for sure and for this year, I agree so to not see him perform right before he left is a bit sad. I don't blame him of course (if anyone does i am fish slapping you) but just a shame. I'm happy we do get content with him still? Seems pre-planned so that is nice!

Onto legends exo, fantastic comeback. I cannot stop listening to the album, its just bops full of bops to me. They broke so many records and I'm over here sipping my tea because fudge yes. It isn't a full member comeback, 2 of the members featured in the comeback are off playing call of duty and they still did THAT. While having lay properly in the comeback!? (Or at least some form, better than tempo era!) Kyungsoo my beloved, the man that can swoon you off your feet, his proper solo album. Omg I am just in love? The album feels like a Playlist that you hear while taking a walk or on a raodtrip? I love it, I just love everything about this with how much thought was given. It makes me feel warm and I'm so proud of him (I think he even got a first win) but sadly xiumin got the it shall not be named virus D: I feel so bad and I can only hope he gets better! It makes me worried because I keep seeing more and more idols getting sick and I can't help but wonder why don't the kpop entertainment just put a pause with stuff? Of course that is VERY unrealistic, I am aware that is naive for me to think but its just so idk how to word it properly (my English brain is not working I am sorry) I cannot help the feeling of while I get people are being safe and yes we need to still live like normal beings, is it worth risking idols health just for some entertainment? Idk how to explain my thoughts properly but maybe I hope I made sense!!

Onto svt! That is perfectly fine to not vibe with a comeback! I will admit, I didn't fully vibe with this comeback and it shocked me because every comeback was a hit to me. Even fear, left and right or homerun where I know many fans were split on, I liked but RTL was a grower. For me, listening to it without watching the mv, helped it alot and it is a song I like. Is it their best? No I don't think so but it is alright to say "hey I didn't bop to this, not my cup of tea" (imo I blame the mv? The mv REALLY didn't do the song justice at all, I am sorry if I sound like a fake fan but this mv Just is bad in all aspects. Sure we have some pretty shots but like it just doesn't fit at all?) So if anything listening to the song or wishing the live performances does it better. Seeing the choreography amps the song up more, cannot go wrong with their dancing. As for the rest of the songs, I admit game boy is my top favorite? Idk if it is because I am a gaming nerd and found all the production of the song so creative but yeah. We can wait for the next comeback! Svt always have something up their sleeves, plus we do have their music projects to look forward too (I wonder when we will get one? Seeing as RTL promotions stopped) some positive news with the boys is they resigned like a year before their contract ends and I'm a bit emotional :') I'm excited to see the boys future projects. We did have caratland recently! Did you watch it if I may ask? We did get in the soop confirmation so I'm excited to watch that, the boys deserve that nice break (even if it was filmed for a show fjsbsns)

Ok I think that is it for kpop updates? XD I do hope life has been treating you kindly! Life has been a bit all over the place sadly so I hope it wasn't like that for you as well! Until next time my bean!

hii!!!! omg sorry for the late reply i've been pretty busy these days 🙈

indeed so much has happened! and much more since you sent this ask omg!!

our shownu is at war *looks into the distance* *wipes away tear* *sighs* by now I got used to enlistment news (see what happens when you stan 2nd and 3rd gen groups) but STILL [[IT HURT]] when they uploaded the monchannel videos of his goodbye day like ????? what kind of twisted mind diuhdfuihdifuhs but the boys were all so cute and soft but they seemed so sad they didn't want to let go of their super leader :(( I hope he's learning lots and making new friends (and also we've got our international super spy yoo kihyun giving us small updates on him every now and then so everything's fine!). Yeah I totally get you it felt empty without him this comeback and at first it didn't really clicked with me but when the enlistment news came out i understood he had to take care of his health and thoroughly check on his eye sight in order to be 100% ready for the military so it made sense he had to be absent :( everything was so close (the comeback and enlistment) that I'm sure there was no other way for doing it I'm pretty sure he couldn't maybe postpone the enlistment day any further

onto exo! my ksoo my soft boi my romantic boi 🥺 his album is so him SO HIM i can't explain it bur it's just HIM you know it's the type of album you'd play on loop on a summer afternoon when you've taken your papers and paints outside in the garden to paint a bit with the warm soft breeze moving the trees lightly 🤧 and he signs in English and SPANISH (he did it for me) my multilingual king he's a native. Also I've been watching Honeymoon Tavern with Jongin these days and OMG i could d word for him really (if you haven's watched it go do it when you have time) he's SO SOFT and SO CUTE and he works as a waiter and a wedding planner and helps with the room preparations and is also a tour guide and he's just so cute so happy al the time the way he interacts with everyone is so 🥺🤧😭 onto more serious stuff now: yeah i was so worried about minseok catching covid omg but i'm glad he went through it with our any major complication and the rest of the boys are safe too! I guess the industry doesn't stop bc that would mean a huge loss of thousands and thousands of dollars/won/etc so as long as the gov doesn't prohibit going out or gathering like at the beginning of the pandemic, they'll keep on going with the idols' schedules otherwise the industry would just shut down having no way of earning money to sustain all the companies and idols.

as for seventeen! yeah i like the songs too! the mv sure ruined rtl and listening to it without watching it has really helped it grow on me more but still it feels kind of meh to me idk i really like anyone i think it's my favourite from the album. AND NOW WE'VE GOT A COMEBACK IN OCTOBER!!!! yayyyyy i can't wait they seem to be preparing very diligently (i hope they release a sexy bop) it's a shame junhao aren't gonna be present for this comeback but i'm soooooo happy they have the opportunity to visit their families again omg they have spent 2 whole years without seeing them in the flesh they must be so happy to get back to them again!!! it's so funny seeing them be bored at the quarantine hotel and doing lives every day duhdfiudhfiuh i hope it passes quickly and they can see their loved ones finally! and I did watch Caratland!! omg the unit switch song was the best thing ever hhu doing lilili yabbay and not being able to stop laughing idfuhdifuhs perf team doing chocolate and owning it????? hello??? performance team more like main vocal team wow! and the vocal team being a complete mess during check in lmaooo i loved it! In The Soop has finally started!!! I love these kind of "normal life" concepts I love seeing the boys being themselves cooking and relaxing I've watched the first and second eps as of today and also few clips from the third and omg mingyu and jeonghan drowning in the pond dfuhidfhidfs lmao they're so dumb i love them 🤣 i'm glad they could go away for a few days and spend time together away from their hectic schedules!

I hope you're well now and if not hang in there it'll all pass soon enough! 🥰💕 bye bye!!

p.s.: I got your request for the svt this or that gifset and i promise i’ll do it one day i just don’t feel like giffing these days dhbduusi i’m out of energy

#ask #my super nice lovely anon

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reversecreek · 3 years

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clicks onto the dash wearing kitten heels n coyly holding my bang....... hi. me again. it took me so long to select a gif to use on cricket’s intro n i settled on this one bc he looks so unsure abt his smile n it’s rly his essence <3 u can find his pinterest board here n his (work in progress) spotify playlist here. hmu to plot!!!

* alex wolff, cis male + he/him | you know cricket donahue, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of their life, on and off? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to should have known better by sufjan stevens like, a million times this year, which slipping on wet leaves to photograph a tree struck alight by lightning, delivering a tedtalk to your own reflection to hype yourself up to buy groceries, hiding your hands inside of your sleeves in case you grew an impromptu megan fox thumb overnight thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 1st, so they’re a libra, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her )

HISTORY:

cricket ws born to a couple tht lived in lilac ridge. their trailer was tucked closest to the woods n always fell under the shade. it was like the leaves wanted to pretend they were a perpetual hanging cloud on the family n that was kind of fitting. their only reason fr having him in the first place was a kind of shrugged like........... we’re under the income bracket we’d get child benefits so why not! may as well try it to rake in some extra cash! needless to say they didn’t rly think it thru or anticipate all of the responsibilities tht came w children n wound up seeing him as an extremely large burden n boy didn’t he know it!

(child neglect & abuse tw) i’ll try to keep this part vague n brief but things were Not Good for cricket growing up. people in lilac ridge didn’t like his parents n it was for a gd reason. he remembers foggy things. being little n wandering around combing the grass with a stick to search for wrappers to suck on bc he was hungry. feeling uneasy when the front door opened. finding out his name was cricket bc the insects used to crawl into their trailer thru the vents n his parents liked to squish them into the carpet -- his mum told him as much once. i think this says a lot. to excessively trim the fat of the story he wound up entering the system at around 8 after his latest and most serious hospital visit. his parents hd to deal w the authorities n last he heard they bounced to evade charges.

(anxiety & violence & trauma tw) cricket sustained a few lifelong injuries from his time in lilac ridge. his knee didn’t heal right which meant he had (n still has to this day) a limp n he’s partially deaf in one ear. he’s always been an incredibly insecure n anxious person so this mde him rly self conscious going into a strange n new environment tht wld b difficult fr any kid to adjust to, nvm w these added worries. he jst felt like something weird to ogle at honestly. he probably wld have felt like that no matter where he was or what he looked like. he cld be in a huge hall of 200 people all wearing the same uniform n he’d still feel like the odd one out. needless to say this didn’t rly help him make friends

cricket’s coping mechanisms were romanticising the things tht other people found ugly or embarrassing or painfully ordinary. he liked it when the rain hit clunky drops against school windows n forbid everyone from playing outside bc he could feel the vibrations through the rubber soles of his shoes n it was a little bit like hearing all of the world at once fr just a moment. he liked medieval fantasy lore about stout gnomes w crumbs in their beards n cheeks red from ale. he liked fallen nests with the remnants of hatched eggs still dirty from the branches n soil they’d hit on the way down. he liked the way the sunlight leaked thru the leaves of the trees in the woods and how, when he sat very still, he could tune into the ringing that was always in his ear n pretend it was coming from the same place, that light thru the leaves, that the angels were trying to talk to him.

he spent a lot of time in the red room at his high skl (i’m begging u this is not a 50 shades reference) (after googling i jst realised it’s called a darkroom bt i’m leaving this fr the sake of sexy bimbo authenticity) n felt quite at home in there. he borrowed a camera whenever he cld (maybe he did yearbook) n photography became his way of immortalising the world as the romanticised version he wanted it to be. his memories were bad bt his photos were beautiful. maybe if he took enough they’d paste over n bleed into each other. maybe bad cld be replaced w beautiful if he tried his very best.

he got placed into fostering w a family once bt apparently didn’t meet the vibe check of their tastes so he wound up returning to the group home he’d initially been placed in. overall this is where he grew up n he aged out the system rather than getting adopted. there was a sense of floundering/isolation/not feeling gd enough in tht bt cricket made do the best he knew how.

that said there were some gd points! (shocking i kno bc his life hs been so fking bleak so far bt please it’s ok........) (is it?) (🤔). basically he interned as an assistant at this local photography studio during high skl working under this kind of whimsical yet endearing old man. suspected wizard possibly in cricket’s eyes, as an avid fantasy genre reader. for one of his bdays said old man / his boss bought him his very own film camera n cricket cried bc he’d never been bought a bday gift. this ws rly embarrassing bc this old man didn’t know how to emote n neither did cricket so he ws jst sort of sat wiping his eyes n sniffling saying he wasn’t crying as the old man pretended to suddenly clean his lenses. when cricket graduated he offered him a full time position there. they do like. wedding photographs n family portraits n all kinds of things...... pay isn’t huge bt it’s something n he Loves taking photos so it’s sexy <3

PERSONALITY:

SUCH an anxious person it’s actually unreal. overthinks absolutely everything he’s ever said. one morning he might hv put green socks on n for the rest of the day he’s nervously looking around like omggggggg they’re all looking at my socks probably thinking im a little green sock boy thinking i’m a fool n a jester this is all everyone’s probably thinking about i hv to hide my green socks..... even tho literally no-one cares

once saw a girl eating a chicken wing n in his head was like ok she likes chicken good future gift idea..... n turned up at her house with an entire rotisserie chicken

probably thinks WAY too hard abt what to write in bday cards n googles like generic ideas that he can use.... u open a card from cricket n it always says smthn weird like “Warmest wishes and love on your birthday and always!” or “You deserve everything happy. Wishing you that all year long!” tht he got off google

nervously fiddles w things a lot. literally anything. his hair. the cuffs of his sleeves. a thread on his bag. u name it

struggles w eye contact sometimes............ it’s like. he wants to talk to ppl n make friends bt he’s honestly so bad at it. he’s fumbling thru life like a nervous headless chicken

ALWAYS has his camera on him. like always. will tke a photo of u bc he thinks u look nice then be like im so sorry im so sorry...... bowing his head shakily holding his camera bc he doesn’t even kno what possessed him he jst thought it’d be a nice photograph bt boundaries exist. probably breathes very heavily over this later in his room panicking thinking he nw seems like hannibal lecter

probably more confident online bc he has time to think abt what he says more.......... i can see him hving a group of online friends tht he’s more confident w. honestly he’s pretty witty at heart he jst has a hard time verbalising things so ppl overlook him sometimes bt once u get to know him more / he’s more comfy he can b a funny little man.....

loves photographs where he cuts something out of them. loves missing spaces n voids. thinks it’s a rly interesting concept when something that isn’t there becomes the focus of a photograph where everything else is. probably loses his mind fr a collage like a front row 1d stan. likes experimenting w light n perception. pretty artistic honestly hs probably made a stop motion film in the past bc that’s just an extended form of photography in his mind bt i doubt he showed anyone

ummm...... very sweet bt like. he reminds me a lot of this quote. “he had the awkward tenderness of someone who has never been loved and is forced to improvise.” feel like tht sums him up quite nicely

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone he met at a wedding: cricket probably ws forced to photograph a wedding fr his boss one time n it cld b interesting as a place to meet from that....... like. i can imagine either it being rly awkward maybe he accidentally spilled a drink on ur muse n was stuttering rly apologetic n it ws just a train wreck. or mayb they took pity on him or even (in a shocking turn of events) a shine to him n invited him to drink n dance. omgggg the thought of cricket trying to dance makes me wna die n probably mkes cricket wna hyperventilate bt idk maybe he went wild n let loose. mayb they wound up damaging the camera somehow. mayb they had to scramble to get another one n ur muse covered the cost n it was a strange late night excursion tht cricket thought about a lot since. cricket probably vowed to pay them bk somehow no matter what. idk. we can work things out. lots of diff options here. doesn’t have to b a wedding either can b any event tht required a photographer

ppl he went to school w: pretty self explanatory i suppose...... maybe they were frm completely different worlds..... mayb ur muse was popular n cricket was definitely not but they got paired fr an assignment n had to work on a project together....... mayb cricket asked ur muse on a date one time n it was completely embarrassing bc he didn’t realise they had a bf n it haunts cricket at night still bc he’s rly dramatic.... mayb ur muse felt sry fr him n ate lunch w him n inducted him into their group like a lost puppy finding a home.... world’s our oyster

neighbours from his brief time at lilac ridge: not to reference taylor swift but i’m gna reference taylor swift n say we cld do a seven inspired plot here. sighs a little..... then sighs a lot. he was here ages 0-8 so idk. we cld work out childhood plots perhaps....

sickening simp: i mean.............. cricket probably gets crushes on ppl so easily like just. anyone who’s the slightest bit nice to him.................. he’s a disgrace. ok i take it back. bt also please get it together freak............... i didn’t say that. he’d probably b extra nice to this person n try n pay close attention to things they liked so he cld get them little gifts. just a bit embarrassing n lovestruck bless his heart. wldn’t expect anything back tho honestly that just isn’t something he tends to do.

let’s go gays: cricket’s bi but he probably was rly in his head abt liking boys n tried to sort of squash it internally during his younger yrs...... i think he’s more comfy w it now MAYBE idk bt back then i picture him having a friend tht ws kind of like. similarly loserish as him perhaps (no offence to ur muse potentially filling this plot or cricket bt let’s face the facts) n they’d hang out n play games a lot n one time it jst kind of happened n he was like............. *struts in looking around sharply* What going on here? except not. bc it’s cricket. more like *shambles in looking around anxiously* What’s, uh... What’s... the happenings? S--... I’m sorry. (immediate apology for saying what’s the happenings bc nobody talks like that n it was an impulsive panic bc he didn’t know what else to say)

those who grew up in the system w him: maybe at the group home or i’d also like the family that fostered him n said sayonara. honestly i imagine the parents just thought he ws a bit too much of a handful / had too much baggage which is rly quite merciless n terrible but. if u think that aligns w ur muses home situation hmu......

um. can’t think of more bt just anything honestly. jst go wild.......

#irvingintro #abuse tw #neglect tw #trauma tw #anxiety tw #violence tw #DOES A LITTLE JIG #admittedly i didnt include a formative moments section like my other intros bc idk what kind of superpowers i was inhaling the fumes of #for those intros but #i'm a mere mortal now.

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xmalereader · 4 years

Text

Modern! Ben Solo X Sith! Male Reader

|| Masterlist ||

Requested: Hi! So I'm a huge fan of your modern!reader writings, and I was wondering if you would be interested in doing that, but the positions are reversed? Where Ben more or less is having a hard time just naturally fitting in on Earth and Reader somehow contacts him through the force and eventually convinces Ben to come with him?? Idk this has been kn my mind for a while.

Warnings: Slight angst, Modern Ben solo, reversed roles, dark lord reader, innocent Ben, slight fluff, Bi Ben.

@lea-the-foxe

“Supreme leader, we have arrived. Would you like us to prepare your ship?”

“Yes, please make sure that no one follows me and don’t send anyone unless I say.”

Hux gives his supreme leader a small bow. “Yes supreme leader.” He says as he exits the large room as y/n glanced outside, just a few miles away was Earth. A planet that took him months to find, it was a very well secured and hidden planet that y/n had to make sure that they scanned the whole galaxy to Just find this one planet.

He hasn’t heard about this, ‘earth’ but he does know that the population of humans don’t know anything about them so He order his people to make sure that they stayed hidden below radar, not wanting to cause any alarm on earth. “Make sure that everything is in control, I’m counting on you Hux.” He says through the force bond that he has created with Hux before leaving his own thrown and heading towards his chambers, getting himself ready before landing.

He’s made some research on earth, making sure the blend in well with the proper dressing and material he would be able to blend in with the crowds. He’s been sensing a force on earth and it has been calling out to him and he’s been trying to search for months but came up with nothing until now, he figured out about earth a while ago and has ordered his people to search everywhere in the galaxy. He’s been feeling this pull for awhile and now that he’s here he can finally search for the person responsible for this urgent tug.

As y/n finishes dressing up he gives himself one last look in the mirror, adjusting the black jacket and fixing up his hair, trying to make it look a little less nice and more modern looking. “Supreme leader.” He jolts in fright as he glares over at Hux who has re-entered his chambers. “Your ship is ready.”

“I’ve told you to knock several times.” He hisses out and ignores Hux. He grabs hsi saber and tucks it underneath his jacket before leaving his room, brushing past hux as he makes his way towards the shipping area. “While I am gone, I need you to make sure that no one is to disturb me, if we suddenly get pulled into danger then you send a holo.” He instructs as he climbs inside his ship and checks the controllers.

“I’ll make sure that nothing happens while you are gone, but for now focus on your own mission.” Said hux as y/n grins at him and closes the cockpit. He makes sure that he is ready to launch, strapping hismelf in as he sighs deeply and looks up ahead. “Lets do this.” He whispers to hismelf.

—

“Ben, you haven’t eaten anything since you’ve returned from your uncles.” Said Leia as she watches her son. Ben was sitting on the dining table as he stares out the window, he was looking at the sky with curiosity. “I’ve already eaten, uncle gave me some of his weird cooking.” He says as he turns his attention back to her.

Ben has been spending time with his uncle constiantly since his parents were still arguing with each other, reaching the point of Ben not being able to stand their bickering. His uncle was nice enough to Lend him a room, allowing him to stay as long as he wanted, but he knows that he would have to return back home and make sure that his parents haven’t killed each other.

“You’re Uncle isn’t feeding you properly.” She mutters out as Ben chuckles.

“Old man is lonely, he cant cook well but he’s learning.” He stands up from his seat, taking one last look outside before helping his mother clear the table. “How’s Rey by the way?” Ben freezes up at the mention of her name, walking towards the kitchen as he sets his plate inside the sink. “She uh—“

“She’s a very sweet girl.”

“Yeah about that,” he began to clean his dishes as he spoke. “We broke up a long time ago, I don’t think I’m ready for a serious relationship, you know? Just need time on my own and finding a new place for myself.” He shrugs a little as he turns off the sink water and cleans his hands with a dry rag.

He hears his mother shuffle close to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “That wasn’t the reason.” She whispers as Ben bites his lip. “You still hear them.”

Ben flinches away from her touch. “I haven’t been hearing it lately, it’s not bad and besides its going away so I’m fine.” His mother was talking about the voice that had been talking to him for awhile now, it’s been years, to be exact three. It started when he was at work, working on one of his big projects when he suddenly heard a soft whisper. He thought that it was one of his co-workers talking to him but when he turned around he saw no one. He thought it was his imagination until it happened again, but this time he heard it loud and clear, he thought he was going crazy at first.

But he had tried to ignore, blocking it out as he continues on with his life. But it only got worse as months went by so he had no choice but ot tell someone and that someone was his mother. He loved her so much that he wouldn’t do anything to upset her, so the day he told her—he expected her to freak out and send him to a therapist but instead she stood by his side and told him that it would all be over and to not listen, so he did that.

He’s been keeping it undercontrol, but he can’t help but feel a sudden tug in his chest. A feeling telling him that he didn’t belong here. He’s been struggling already with his own problem that he almost missed the times that his parents argued with each other and having to deal with a relationship that didn’t really feel real anymore. And his Job was only becoming stressful, the new interns were getting on his nerves, to the point where he would want to smash their face through a computer screen but he had to remain in control.

So he changed some things, he began to visit his parents separately and try to help fix their relationship while he visited his uncle Luke who he had tried to convince to help him out with his mother but his uncle refused to get involved, leaving him on his own. His break up with Rey didn’t end well, the two were out together when she suddenly brought up their future a topic that he hated talking about. He was polite to ask her to stop but she didn’t causing him to snap at her and dumping her on the spot.

He was already struggling to much, he just wanted a new start and far away from all of his problems.

“Ben you should really see a therapist about this or a doctor.”

“I said I was fine!” He slaps his mothers hand away from him as he grabs his coat and makes his way towards the door, leaving the house in a hurry, not wanting to get anymore upset with her.

“That wasn’t very nice.”

“Get out of my head.” He growls out in anger, walking a little faster as he heads towards an empty park.

“I can feel your anger, you’ve been angry for years now.”

“Shut up!” He grips his head, he can’t give in.

“It’s okay to be angry and upset, so let it all out no one is here to judge you.”

“What do you want with me?! You’ve been pestering me for years now! So tell me, what do you want!?” He circles around, checking his surroundings as he pants heavily. He can’t allow this voice in his head to mock him, “I just want you.” Gasping he turns around to see a strange man standing a few feet away from him. “Hello Ben, I’ve been waiting for you.” That voice, he recognizes that voice from his head.

“Who are you and how were you talking to me just now, in my head?” He asks as the other gives him a grin. “You don’t know do you?”

“Know what?!” He shouted back, expecting the other to get frightened from his anger but he doesn’t flinch nor does he move. “You see Ben, me and you are alike. You just don’t know it.”

“What—?”

The other approaches him slowly, causing Ben to stumble back. “Have you ever done something that was considered impossible?” He asks. “Have you ever felt another’s emotion or hav been so angry that you may or may not have moved an object, or maybe a voice in your head telling you what to do?” He cocks his head and smiles at Ben.

It wasn’t a warm smile but a wicked one.

“How do you know all of this?” Ben glares at the other as he sighs deeply. “Because I’ve been watching you, the force led me to you and it want me to take you in, to train you to make you stronger, wouldn’t it be nice to just start over? To learn something new?”

The offer sounded tempting to him but he couldn’t, his parents were here and hsi whole family, he can’t jus leave like this. “Who’re you?”

“I’m y/n, but where I’m from I prefer others to call me Supreme Leader, but if you agree to follow me then ill allow you to call me whatever you like.” He adjusts his hoodie and reaches under his hood to take out a cylinder like rod, it was black with a sigil on it.

He could feel a sudden tug on the object, like it was calling out for him. “You feel it don’t you?” Ben snaps his eyes to y/n as he holds out the object towards him. “go on, take it. I know you want too.” He whispers and takes a few steps forward, causing ben to realize that he was slightly taller than the other. By instinct he takes a step back, “Go on.” He hears y/n say again. “take it.”

Ben glances back down at the object, slowly reaching out to take it into his own hand. At the sudden touch he feels a strong powerful feeling, causing him to gasp and drop the object. But before it could hit the ground it froze in mid air, his eyes widening as the object slowly floats up and into the hands of the other. Y/n grips onto the saber and eyes Ben. “Shame you didn’t get to use it.” He says with a small pout, almost making it look like he was making fun of him.

Ben could only glare at him. “Don’t tease me.”

“Oh but I like teasing, its the only thing I’m really good at it.” Y/n admits as he clips the saber back on his belt and turns back to face the other. “I know you felt a strong force when you held it, it was calling out ot you. Telling you that you belonged somewhere else and not here.”

Ben breaths out nervously, he wasnt wrong. He’s been feeling unimportant around others that maybe disappearing wouldn’t matter to anyone.

“Join me, I know you want too.” Y/n extends his hand out, offering it towards ben.

Ben gives his hand a glance before looking back up to face the other. “I can train you, make you a better person. You can become someone a lot better—“ Ben inches closer as y/n slowly smiles. “I can take you away form everything.” He whispered out as Ben takes his hand, wrapping his fingers around his hand.

Y/n’s lips twitch up into a smirk as he tugs Ben forward, placing his other free hand against his forehead, showing him various visions before he falls asleep. Y/n uses the force to keep him from falling, reaching into his pocket he takes out a com, a holo of hux appearing as y/n speaks. “General, prepare an extra room, Will be having some company.”

#male reader #star wars x male reader #kylo ren x male reader #ben solo x male reader #kylo ren #ben solo #star wars tros #star wars tros x male reader #modern reader #modern fic

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burning-omen · 3 years

Text

Mob!Tom Holland x Male!Mob boss!reader

Request by @filippoleonirussoc : hi dear, sorry to botjer you! Can I ask for a male!mob!reader meeting mob!tom at university?? Like they hate each other but are assigned to have a project work together and after a brief fight in which the reader beats tom, they happe to become friends due to common interests? Hope you can write this!!

Warnings: Reader slam chokes Tom, me projecting my Trauma™ in this, cursing maybe, idk I forgot. Parents and family talk

Enemies to friends to lovers

A/n: I do NOT write for actors, this was written in a state of pure boredom and slight sleep deprivation. Thank you, enjoy.

Word count: 3,280

Your decision to attend university baffled your parents and then decision to attend university in enemy territory baffled them even more. They asked you why, they told you it would be dangerous, they tried to convince you to go to school in their territory.

You simply told them that this was a power play and that you weren’t afraid in the slightest. You knew you’d have to take over the family business someday soon and your parents had been cowering under the Holland Family since the beginning of their organized crime union. You wanted to end the shameful dynamic your families had. And you would do that by walking into their territory like you owned it. Meaning you would attend school there and even live there for a while.

Of course there was the large chance of you getting assassinated, but as long as you were careful you’d be fine.

You thought that until your first day. There was nothing inherently wrong with the school, no, almost everything was perfect. Up until you got to your last class of the day. Sitting in the far back was Tom Holland. Of the Holland family, obviously. You’ve met him twice before, once when you were really young, back when your family and the Holland’s aren’t so much as enemies but more of friendly competitors. Back then both crime rings were relatively new, coming up and replacing older one that had been around for decades.

They used to meet up, talk about things you never bothered to listen to because you were four. They brought their son, and as most children where, you were a complete asshole to him. After a wedge was driven between your family’s you didn’t see him for a long time.

Not until you were around 17, you saw him at a party, one of those fancy ones with all the rich people that were always a little wine drunk. You played nice with him then, seeing as your families had a common “sponsor” that neither of you wanted to be responsible for losing. So you acted civil with him, and he did the same with you. Well passive aggressive comments that could be played off in a civil way.

You sighed, he was more than likely going to be taking over his family's business soon too. Meaning your childhood rivalry would turn into a more permanent hatred. But that was fine, besides, you highly doubted he’d try anything seeing as you both were attending school and, apparently, his parents were very keen on him having a semi-normal school life(you learned that from one of the many people who spied on the Holland’s). Which was good for you because you planned on doing the same… Mostly.

You could still bother your future greatest enemy, right?

Without a second thought you walked all the way to the back and sat at the desk next to his.

“Hello, Tom.” You said nonchalantly.

Tom, who’d been writing something down in a notebook, took a quick glance over at you, muttered a quick, “hey.” before going back to writing. Only to stop a second later and look back at you. Once he realized it was you he could feel a burning rage deep in his chest.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He asked in a low voice.

You simply grind at him. “What do you mean, I’m simply trying to get an educati-”

“Bullshit, if you just wanted an education you would have attended one of the schools in your own territory. So I’ll ask again, what the hell are you doing here?” He- well he didn’t exactly ask, more of demand.

But you weren’t going to go running home because he used his “super threatening” voice on you. No, you’re a lot of things, scared of Tom Holland isn’t one of them.

“Listen, how do I explain to you that I honestly don’t give a single fuck. You can use your threatening voice all you want, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here, for the entire time. It’s whether or not you leave that up for debate.”

He gave you a cold, hard glared but you didn’t falter, only giving him the same look in return.

And then your professor walked in, she didn’t exactly look like she should have been teaching a college class, more like she should be teaching a 6th grade art class. And she taught like you were all in a 6th grade at class. It was...a bit weird. But you got used to it, you’d have to if you were going to attend this class every couple of days.

As the weeks went by you’d gotten used to the class, and Tom’s many attempts of getting you expelled. Most were just plain stupid to the point where you worried for the future of the Holland family but some had actually gotten you in trouble. You let them slide, but didn’t forget them. You’d get him back for those things eventually.

...or maybe your teacher would.

“Okay class,” she started, pulling a folder out of her bag. “Today I’ll be announcing the partners for the upcoming project!”

The project was announced last time you were in this class. It wasn’t one of those fun ones where you get to make a little model, no, it was one of those ‘write a 30 page essay’ ones.

“Why the fuck do I have to write a whole novel on a subject that she already knows about?” You muttered to yourself as she flipped through the papers in her file.

You were hoping to get Lila as a partner, she was smart, but completely unnoticeable. She would be the best partner for you to stay ambiguous. But the changes of that were extremely low.

But apparently your chances of partnering with Tom were more likely than you thought, the moment she announced it you both very suddenly shouted, “What!?”

She looked at the two of you with a bit of surprise.

“Is there a problem?”

Yeah, our families have been at war with each other for the past 15 years and we’re enemies by nature because we have to take over their places as head of the family soon, therefore we hate each other.

“No..” you muttered, sitting back in your seat.

She smiled, “Great.”

You heard Tom groan next to you.

“The universe is testing me today…”

You laughed quietly, “this is going to suck.”

And it did. He refused to work with you for the first few days, but he became more willing once he realized that it was due in 2 weeks and he had nothing. Then there was the whole hating each other thing, everything turned into an argument, which led to you not being able to work in public with him anymore due to it turning into a screaming match within minutes.

Which brings you here, Tom sitting across from you in your dorm writing, using a textbook as a desk because he refused to sit with you at yours. The room was dead silent, other than the sound of pencil on paper nothing could be heard.

Until Tom groaned loudly as he erased soothing from his paper.

You turned to him, setting down your pencil on your desk (not noticing as it rolled off the table and into the fifth dimensions.)

“What?” You asked, semi annoyed.

“This is fucking ridiculous! It makes no fucking sense!”

You walked over to him and took a quickly look at his paper, almost immediately spotting the problem.

“I’m pretty sure that 2 is meant to be a 3.”

He looked up at you, confused before looking back down at his paper.

“What ‘2’?”

“The only 2 on the entire fucking paper, that’s ‘what 2’.”

He glared up at you, putting his work to the side and standing up.

“You know wha-”

You interrupted him quickly.

“If you have something to say, do it quietly. I’d rather not have security come in here because you can’t keep your mouth shut..”

The room was completely silent for a moment, Tom just stared up at you, despise clear on his face, and in a moment of carelessness, he pushed you.

Now you never expected to get physical with Tom, sure you argued with him and he was supposedly your worst enemy but you didn’t think you have to fight him anytime soon, and you didn’t think he’d be the one attempting to start a fight.

The push really didn’t do much, seeing as Tom is relatively small. But it did hurt your pride. Did he really think that a little shove was going to work?

You were pulled out of your thoughts by Tom pushing you, again and again and again.

You could hear him shouting insults at you, but you just watched as he fussed and fumed. This went on for longer than you wanted to admit and you were now ready for it to end. So you did a little move you old bodyguard taught you called ‘grab ‘em by the neck and slam ‘em on the floor’

This was a relatively easy thing to do because, as stated before, Tom is quite small and very obviously has never been in a real fight ever in his life. So, while he was still yelling you grabbed his neck, pressing your palm against his throat. You could feel him gulp against it as he went completely silent. He attempted to bring his shaky hands up to pull you off of him but before he could you pushed him down onto a clear space on the floor, pressing harder on his throat.

He let out a short, strained breath, then struggled to take another as you rested more of your weight into your hand.

You sighed, staring down at him for a moment before moving off of him. Taking your hand off his throat and scooting back against your desk.

He did something similar, pushing himself all the way back to your wall with shock clear in his face.

The two of you sat across from each other. Not saying a word, just sitting in silence.

After a few minutes you spoke up.

“Listen Tom, I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to continue this little feud. At least while we’re still in school. It would be better for both of us if we could just...put our family's drama aside for now…”

There was a few seconds of silence between the two of you that felt as though it went on for years.

“I..” he took a deep breath before continuing. “I think you’re right.”

“Okay, then it’s settled. Our family’s will not affect the way we treat each other from here on out, alright?”

“Okay..”

You pulled yourself up on your feet then walked over to Tom, holding your hand to him. He stared at it, then looked up at you before taking it. You hoisted him up.

“Let’s hurry and finish this project..”

And finish the project you did. Maybe even in record time. It actually rediculce how fast the two of you finished when you weren’t arguing. But there was still something wrong. It was the silence. Sure it was better than arguing but his silence would be the death of you.

And you knew. You knew you fucked up.

Maybe your reaction was a little overboard. He’d done similar things before during your arguments over the week and normally him trying to fight you wasn’t a problem. It was today though. You overreacted and the result of that hurt more than you thought it would.

He just looked so upset. From the moment he’d finished his paper he’d had this sad look on his face. The loss of focus got him thinking.

He’d never been afraid of you before, he’s never been afraid of anyone before. But the moment he felt himself get pulled down he couldn’t feel anything other than fear. And then he looked up at you, and you were so angry, even if it was only from a moment.

Then you let him go, pulling back from him, giving him the space he desperately needed. He pushed himself up to a wall, knees pulled into his chest as he tried to stop tears from swelling in his eyes. He was successful, and he kept the tears away until he finished his paper.

Tom stared down at it, the last page sitting on top of all the others. He sat his pencil down, still staring at the paper, unblinking as his vision began to blur from the tears in his eyes. Only clearing when the first one fell, dripping onto the paper and smearing his writing. He could feel them running down his face, gathering at his chin before dripping onto the paper.

You hadn’t realized he’d been crying until you heard a loud sniffly that pulled you away from doodling on a spare paper. You looked over at him, before dropping your pen and walking over.

You sat down next to him, watching as tears fell from his eyes. You didn’t know what to say, you caused this but you didn’t know how to un-cause it. So, you did the one thing that you didn’t want to do.

“I’m sorry, Tom. I overreacted earlier, I didn’t mean to but I did and…” you took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

You could hear him gasp slightly, be it from shock or a result of his crying. Maybe it was both but in a second he silenced himself, the tears stopped flowing and he was calm.

“I should be going..”

Without another word he gathered his things and headed towards the door. Before he walked out he turned you, a tiny smile playing on his lips.

“You’re forgiven.”

And with that he was gone.

You didn’t see him again until class a few days later. He’d been more eager to sit next to you today than he’d been the rest of the year.

It was a bit awkward at first, neither wanting to discuss the last time they were together.

But you wanted to speak to him, so you gathered you courage, turned to him and- oh dear god is that a bruise?

Every bit of confidence left you the moment you saw it. It was mostly healed, but the purplish-pink that went over his throat was unmistakably in the loose shape of your hand.

Tom must have noticed because he lifted his hand to it before speaking.

“It’s not as bad as it looks, it's mostly due to me messing with it.”

“It shouldn’t be there at all..”

He sighed.

“It’s fine. Trust me, it doesn’t even hurt.”

Now you sighed, “If you say so.”

After that you and Tom grew quite close. You both had similar interests. You read some of the same books, watched some of the same movies, played some of the same games.

That along with the fact that you could make each other laugh made you fast friends. Much to both of your parents dismay. But neither of you cared. You had a new friend.

You realized you thought of him a different way during your first movie night together.

It’d been a few months since your little “fight” with him and he’d coaxed you into letting him stay over to watch movies through the night.

By 12 o clock you both comfortably squished together on the couch, covered by a blanket to block out any cold air.

And as the movie played on you could feel Tom move against your chest. You looked down at him only to see him looking up at you.

“Yes, Tom?”

“Nothing…”

“Really?”

“Mhmm.”

“Alright then..”

You could see his cheeks had reddened and he attempted to steal small glances at you but you caught him every time. The way his face got brighter every time you caught him made you think a thought you don’t think very often in friendships.

Is this something straight people would do?

The answer was usually ‘no’

Seeing as you’re (sexuality) and almost every person you’ve considered a friend was also some form of queer the answer was usually ‘definitely the fuck not’.

So what was different about your relationship with Tom that made you go ‘this is very not straight.’?

Then it smacked you right in your face. You had a tiny itty bitty crush on him. Which is why it felt different from being with you other queer friends, you weren’t attracted to them but you were attracted to him.

And you decide to realize this while he’s laying on chest. Great.

Great.

That’s fine…

...so turns out it’s not fine.

Very not fine.

Because you were staring and after a few minutes Tom was staring back, his cheeks still bright red and getting redder every second.

“Hello..” he mumbled.

“Hi..”

You stared at each other for a while, feeling your heartbeat pick up a little. He was the one to end your little staring contest, turning back to the tv to watch the movie, you did the same a moment later.

From that day forward you and Tom got a lot closer. You don’t know if it was your staring or your abrupt cuddling but whatever it was it had made the two of you want to be around each other more and more.

By the end of your first year both you and Tom thought you couldn’t get any closer. Despite your underlying feelings for him you didn’t act on them. Just as he didn’t act on his. Not until it was time for both of you to go back home. Home where your families hated each other and expected both of you to follow in their footsteps.

“It will be fine, trust me..” Tom muttered.

You were standing in your room, holding onto him as he was holding onto you.

“I don’t know Tom, what if they find out that we’re friends”

“Friends” didn’t feel like a strong enough word for what you felt for him. It didn’t even sound right when you said it.

You could feel Tom pull away from you.

“Listen, Y/n… I’ve been meaning to talk with you about something for a while now. I just don’t know where to start with it…”

He pulled back farther until he was completely out of your arms, then took your hand in his and pulled you over to sit on the edge of your bed with him.

“I know that we’re meant to hate each other and someday we’ll have to hate each other for the good of our families but I-” he sighed softly, “-I don’t want to hate you, ever. I want to stand by you, even when we take over our families businesses. And I want to be with you, not just as friends...I...I like you, a lot and I know I shouldn’t but-”

You cut him off with a tight hug, resting your head on his shoulder. Slowly, he hugged you back.

“I like you to, Tom...but.” You could feel his entire body tense up, his hands grabbing a hold of the back of your shirt. You laughed a bit. “But I wish you would have told me this after the break because now I won’t be able to see you.”

Now he was laughing. “And continue pining for another few months? I don’t think so.”

You smiled down at him, “ Alright. We have so much to talk about and so little time.”

“I think our families could wait another day for us, don’t you?”

#tom holland #tom holland x male reader #x male reader #mob!tom holland #mob au #its 12:35 #you're welcome #this homo is going the f*ck to SLEEP #tw choking #not in the sexy way #tw parents #sometimes parents aren't that cash money #they're mentioned lightly in this #tw cursing #tw arguing #just in case #no beta read

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phoebehalliwell · 4 years

Note

s7 au: they've defeated the Avatars and saved Leo, and nothing else could possibly go wrong, right? and then Paige finds out that she's pregnant, and the father of her baby is dead, and she's never going to see him again because the Elders are petty like that. but that's fine, she can handle that - what'dya mean the cute parole officer at the grocery store's been flirting with her? how's she supposed to deal with that?

okay bro first you gotta let me digest the idea of a paige/kyle baby bc uhh that genetic mix at energy good god that kids gonna be buckwild they’re gonna get like an idea and no one will ever be able to talk them out of it stubborn as hell and twice as determined honestly could probably kill god holy shit. okay. piage kyle baby. i don’t know whether i want to say henry’s really observant or henry’s really dumb. i don’t know which is more in character. i don’t know which is funnier. either he’s definitely falling for this girl he met and then oh my god wait is she pregnant bc she’s wearing flats and complaining about her feet being swollen and she’s drinking decaf and she keeps placing her hand on her belly when she’s resting i think she’s pregnant but she doesn’t have a wedding ring is she a single mom or like is this like a like committed relationship but they’re not married situation can i ask it’s weird if i ask some henry uses like all his brain cells to try to figure out what happened but he keeps hitting weird dead ends is she married to a fed? what is going on right now it seems like she’s flirting back but what if i’m just projecting aaaa i should probably leave her alone because she’s probably just like not into me spoiler alert henry like does not leave paige alone they keep hanging out but henry doesn’t have the balls to make the first move and paige is thinking oh maybe he’s not that into me maybe i should just give up on this maybe i like him so i’m projecting onto him that he likes me when he really doesn’t and these two clowns are just like dancing around each other and paige invites henry over to the manner and henry’s putting on his little detective cap like father? is there a father somewhere?? and henry’s thinking maybe okay maybe the dad’s not in the picture maybe i should just tell henry how i feel and paige is like okay. i’m gonna tell him i like him. and i’m gonna deal with the fallout. whichever way it goes. i can do this. okay. but they’re both like stepping over each others words and it’s awkward as fuck because clearly they’ve both got something big to say but no no you go first no oh i can go first oh do you and phoebe’s talking down the stairs when she almost falls flat on her ass like boom and she walks into the kitchen with the most confused look on her face like is coop in here and paige and henry are like no sorry and phoebe’s like oh cool but she just keeps looking confused and walking closer to them and she stands right next to henry like hmmm and then walks over to paige like hmmm and then just goes paige sweetie can i talk to you for a second and pulls her into the dining room like i’ve got two big pieces of news for you number one i think i just got my empathy back and number two is that boy in the kitchen is in love with you.

or. paige is barely showing all that she and henry meet they hit it off they’re dating paige worries it might get a little weird when it becomes obvious she’s pregnant should she mention that right now no she’ll cross that bridge when she comes to it and things are going great and now she’s pretty obviously showing but henry seems fine with it and he helps her build a crib from ikea all that they go to pick out which color to paint the walls of the nursery blah blah blah paige and piper do pre-natal yoga again simply because piper insists paige experience what she experience so she could see how it’s so annoying blah blah blah and paige and henry are looking over a list of baby names and paige is like i know there’s this whole “p” tradition but idk it’s already been broken twice and i’ve never been much for tradition and henry’s like haha yeah but like you can see the gears turning in his head and paige is like yeah i think i might name the baby like [do we have any logic behind the name kat and tamora? why were they chosen?] isabel [since i’m sticking with the perhaps unintentional shakespeare theme] and henry’s like yeah haha ......................... you’re naming the baby? and paige is like henry..... do you.... it’s my........ you do know i’m pregnant right? it’s like six months in at this point and it’s like you can see a light switch go off in henry’s head like Ohhhhh!! and paige is like dude. what the fuck did you think was happening for like. the past five months. and henry’s like idk i though one of your sisters was pregnant i didn’t realize and paige is like how did you not realize i’m literally pregnant i literally have a baby growing inside of me right now how did you miss that?? and henry’s like idk!! i wasn’t gonna mention anything! and paige is like you thought i was just rapidly gaining weight?? and henry’s like sorta!! but like! i still love you! whether you’re just rapidly gaining weight or growing a baby! : ) and paige is like henry you’re so stupid. marry me.

whichever way you choose henry’s gonna be raising that baby and honestly i think the resemblance would be similar enough that people just genuinely think henry’s the father. i also don’t think kyle would know he had a daughter like at all. i think the elders would work very hard to keep him away from the charmed line and Definitely would not want him to know he has a child bc i think that really does come in conflict with your whitelighter duties you’d probably be less likely to put yourself in harms way to protect your charge bc then you’d be leaving your little baby behind without a father the elders are like No One Tell Kyle but i think henry’s all like who is like isabel’s dad? like what is that story, why isn’t he around? if it’s not too personal. and paige is like oh um. well, he’s dead. and henry’s like oh my god i’m so sorry and paige is like well he’s not Dead dead he’s a whitelighter. and henry’s like ?? and paige is like yeah you know he’s like born again given a new body and magic powers, sent to protect witches and future whitelighters and henry’s like [does not know] oh yeah totally. so like. does he ever stop by? i’d love to meet him. because like. henry’s seen a lot of kids who’s dad stepped out on them. hell his dad stepped out on him. and you learn to grow around it but there’s still like this y’know desire to know. to know who you came from. and paige isn’t even really thinking about it she’s like no i haven’t seem kyle since he was human. i don’t even think he knows he has a child and henry’s like What. and paige is like yeah you know the elders all that and henry’s like [does not know] yeah but like?? should you tell him he has a kid? would he want to know?? and paige is thinking about it bc like henry might have a point and she is a mf charmed one she should be able to summon kyle and like. he does deserve to know! so she and henry trudge on up to the attic and paige summons kyle and henry’s holding little baby isabel and kyle’s like woah um hi paige? what’s going on? who’s that? and paige is like this is henry, ny husband, and uhh isabel! and kyle’s congratulations?? why am i here? and paige is lik yeah um i should clarify you’re the father. and kyle’s like 😶😶😶 bc that man has never properly processed an emotion in his Life and henry’s like do you want to hold her and kyle’s like no bc wtf that’s a baby he doesn’t do babies how are you even supposed to hold a baby and paige is obviously a little hurt by this and she’s like oh i just thought you would want to meet her and kyle’s like no i do i um. thanks you telling me. good luck to you both. and orbs out and paige is like what the fuck?? but like henry’s seen it before where a guy realizes surprise you are a dad here’s your baby it’s a bit of a shock to the system so he like tells paige something like you know uhh like don’t worry it’s clearly a lot to process i’m sure he’s got a lot of stuff to do like i think he’s really grateful to know all that and paige is like yeah whatever lmao if he doesn’t want to be a part of his baby’s life that’s fine because i don’t need him you and i are gonna raise this baby abd we’re gonna be great parents and fuck kyle for not wanting to hold his child bc uhh paige is also Not Great at processing his emotions.

but like a couple weeks later paige is off at magic school doing stuff and doing things and henry’s bottle feeding little isabel and he hears orbing and he turns around fully expecting to see paige but it’s actually kyle and kyle’s like hi. i’m kyle. and henry’s like no i know we’ve met before and they’re both sort of standing there bc henry’s not sure what kyle wants and kyle’s not even really sure what he wants but idk he just wants to like. meet his daughter. and henry can sorta pick up on this and he’s like Do You Want To Hold Her? and kyle’s like i don’t know how and henry’s like dw it’s p easy and he gives the baby to kyle and makes sure her head is supported all that and like little baby bel coos and kyle looks like he might be feeling his first ever emotion ever and henry’s like i think she’s happy to meet you : ) and kyle’s like :’) and henry teaches kyle how to properly bottle feed a baby and kyle feeds that baby and the two just like. talk. and kyle’s like not to be weird but i have been like. watching over you. since i found out about. you know. like. everything. and henry’s like no yeah cool but like he secretly Is Weirded Out and kyle’s like paige is really happy you know? and henry’s like yeah i know. and kyle’s like i don’t know if i ever could have made her that happy and henry’s like ooookay don’t know how to respond to that but 👍 and kyle’s like just i’m glad paige found you. i’m glad they both found you and henry can tell he’s talking about isabel as well and kyle keeps going and he’s like i don’t know if i really have what it takes to be like. a good dad. but like. you do. and henry didn’t really think he did because every day he’s just trying his goddamn best but he is constant worried he’s gonna fuck this up and kyle’s like. i don’t know. what i’m trying to say is like. i’m happy you’re going to be the one in her life. and henry’s like you can be in her life too and kyle’s like i can’t. it’s against the rules, all that, i wouldn’t want to bring down the wrath of the elders. and henry’s nodding pensively but in his head he’s like [ThE wrATH oF The WHaT nOw] but kyle keeps going like i’m not going to be able to be there for her, but i’m glad you will. and he sorta pauses and he was like. my parents were killed. when i was really little. i know what it feels like to grow up alone, feeling like you were somehow abandoned. and i don’t- i don’t want that for my daughter. and henry’s like i think i understand that better than most and kyle’s like i know. i checked up on you. and henry’s like oh cool. and kyle’s like i jsut want to say. i trust you, henry. and i’m happy for you. and he gives him back isabel and he orbs out.

and kyle really isn’t around for isabel’s childhood. there are no more surprise visits, any of that. sometimes isabel will start cooing as if she senses somebody, but no one every materializes. i think paige and henry would go on to have another daughter of their own (named beatrice i am sticking with this shakespeare thing) and the pair would grow up as sisters. and i think sometimes, at christmas, there would be two extra presents under the tree with no name on the “from” tag, addresses to little bel and bea, and paige and henry would know that there’s still somebody watching out for them

#i think this would be the best way for like kyle to be a father #because if he was just like #a normal dad #i don't think he'd be very good at it is a bit too workaholic with limited emotions to really pull it off imo #but i think he's like to sometimes drop a little gift or something #just as like a silent guardian all that #keep everything under the elder's radar #henry mitchell #kyle brody #paige matthews #au #margaretsminiessays #long post #💌

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spideymybucky · 5 years

Text

Little white lie

Fake Dating AU

Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: lots of swearing and idk bullying, people being assholes, the usual

Summary: (Y/n) tells a little white lie, accepts taking her non-existing boyfriend, Tom, to her class reunion.

Word count: 3.2k+

@starksparker Birthday challenge. A bit late since its been a crazy week but still here none the less. Thank you for the opportunity and y’all should read her work, its a soo good. Seriously, everything she writes is a masterpiece.

A/n: So this is a story all about how my life got twisted upside BECAUSE DORIAN DECIDED NO TO GO TO FLORIDA BUT STILL CAUSED DAMAGE, SPECIALLY AT MY HOUSE CAUSE OF STORM SURGE. I just got my laptop back after my sister took it to Alabama without my permission. She’s a fucking asshole, but i love love her.

“Thomas Holland, I royally fucked up!” (Y/n) screamed as she entered the small apartment they shared. She threw herself onto the couch screaming into one of the pillows. A door slams open and she looks up to see a wet-headed, slightly dressed, Tom. God, was he gorgeous.

“What you do this time, darling?” He asked entering their shared living room/kitchen. She sheepishly smiled and threw herself onto the pillow again.

“I might’ve told my classmates that we’re dating…?” She mumbled on the pillow. Tom sat on the pouch, and looked at the quizzically.

“(Y/n), I can’t understand what you’re saying, speak up.” She looked up and sighed. This was going to be epically stupid and hilariously fucked up. They were roommates, nothing more and nothing less. Sure, they had seen each other naked once-to her defense it was on set and the script called for it but she still had eyes and he was hot- and it had been awkward after but this was deliberate, she had told them a fucking lie to get out of being stupidly bullied.

“Remember how the all girls class of 2013 was today?” He nodded. “Well,… I might’ve told everyone there that were dating just because I didn’t want Amber and her stupid friends to judge me.” She rushed out.

“You did what?” He shouted in surprise. He didn’t mind fake dating (Y/n) at all. Hell, he was completely fine with dating her but tell her leeches of classmates was another level.

“I’m sorry Tommy, I really am. It just happened so fast… They ambushed me about us and I didn’t know what to say…” She looked down ashamed to what was going on. She truly was ambushed the moment she stepped into the restaurant for brunch. Amber, Danielle and Janet and some other girls started spewing questions about her life, how it was being in Hollywood, some of her future projects and then Tom came into the topic. They started asking if they were dating, if she could introduce them, or if they even knew each other.

“you should’ve, I don’t know, told them the truth? That were mates and housemates.” He got up, went to the kitchen and grabbed himself a Stela Artois.

“It’s not that simple, they started screaming out all this questions and when it got to you, Janet started asking if we were dating. I swear to god, I was going to say no-” She followed Tom to the kitchen, grabbing a beer for herself.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Cause then Amber said, and I fucking quote her words, I’m not good enough for the Tom Holland” her arms where everywhere, nose big and cheeks enflamed.

“What the hell?” He raised an eyebrow, hating the Amber girl.

“I fucking know, right? She then proceeded to say the Tom Holland would prefer a model and not me, that I might be inventing even meeting you. God, I hate that bitch!” She plopped herself on the counter.

“What a fucking asshole, but what does that mean to me… us?” He asked, still confused.

“Ok, so when she said that I told them we’ve been dating since we finished filming Perpetual love…” She bit her lip and eyed Tom. He was taking it all too well, and she was happy about that but… she still had to ask him.

“Ok so ‘bout 8 months, yeah?” She nodded at him, taking a quick chug.

“Oh, and that we’re gonna go to the class reunion on Friday.” She sweetly smiled at him.

“What?!” He rolled his eyes at there and took a big sip of the bitter taste.

“I`m sorry, they didn’t believe me when I said we were dating, so amber said that we should go as a couple and I just okey’d it.” Her big (E/C) eyes looked straight at Toms brown doe eyes. She really was desperate. “Look, I’ll even do your laundry for the month, clean the house by myself, anything Thomas!”

“Ok, Ok, I’ll help you, but you’ll do my laundry for a month.” He smiled back at her. She jumped into Toms arms, thanking him repeatedly.

“I do have one condition…” He said letting go of her. She untangles herself and puts her feet on the ground.

“What?” His face turned serious, eyes semi-dark. Her heart bet was erratical, making her scared. She had never seen Tom this serious and she never intended too but she also did something stupid.

“You can’t fall in love with me.” Her face ran cold, her heart stopped for a moment as she tried to fake a laugh out. She had been in love with him since they stopped filming or, maybe, before that.

“Oh my god Thomas, you scared me.” He laughed at her as he engulfed her into a warm hug. “By the way… we aren’t in A walk to remember you silly fuck.” His laughter became louder as he continued to hug her. She smelled his chest, a sweet smell of his vanilla scrub. Was this weird? Maybe, Did she care? No. She let go of him and looked up at his face. His smile was big and goofy, just like she liked it.

“Thanks Tommy, I owe you one.” She threw the bottle away and grabbed her phone from the couch.

“Whens this huge event? I need detail darling!” He shouted at her, as she entered the hallway towards her room.

“Its this Friday Tommy” She shouted back. “Its formal, I’ll text you the rest, cause right now mamas need sleep!” He laughed back at her and smiled longingly. He truly was enchanted by her, how could anyone not be?

“G’night Tommy, love you!” She said as she closed her door.

“I love you too.” He mumbled to himself, but with a completely different meaning.

The week passed by without much event from both of them. (Y/n) would come and go, as her job demanded and so would Tom. Both of them were in the midst of promoting their new movie, which would be released soon. But the lingering stares and awkward thoughts consumed both of them, making it slightly more awkward to talk to each other, specially now with the pending fake dating situation.

Friday came without a warning and at 6:30 pm,(Y/n) received her first call from Amber, making sure she was going to the high school reunion party and that Tom was accompanying her.

“You know (Y/n) if it’s a lie, you can tell me and I won’t tell a soul, we’ll just say Tom got sick her something.” Her voice came 8 octave higher than normal, which meant she was lying.

“Amber, for the love of god, Tom is coming with me. We cleared our schedule and we’re free to go. Don’t worry ‘bout us, worry about your date.” Amber gasped and quickly hanged up, grumbling about her dog needing to go to the park. She didn’t mind, in fact she got out of her sweats and into the dress she bought, after doing her makeup and going to the salon. She had spent hours getting ready, as if she was going to a premier. (Y/n) knew she had to uphold her name, Toms name and make them see she was good enough. She looked at the clock and finished up her last touches, putting on her heels she left her room.

“Thomas, you ready?” She screamed, as she walked to the small closet where they hanged their coats and bags. She grabbed her small purse, putting her keys, wallet and lipstick, all the essentials she needed for the night.

“Just finished doing my hear love, grab my coat and we can go.” They both turn around and look at each other. (Y/n)’s eyes go wide as she checks Tom out without shame. His Burgundy checkered pants and mustard colored shirt made him look fucking good. He looked rich, expensive without even caring. God, please help me, she thought to herself.

Tom, on the other hand, felt bothered and hot. He couldn’t stop looking at her. Her tight red floral dress, framed her curves in an unimaginable form. Her heels made her legs look sexy, she just looked sexy and beautiful. He was sure that he had been staring a for more than it was allowed. He was completely and utterly fucked.

Thomas cleared his throat and spilled at her. She responded the same way, words not coming out of either of them. They turned off all the light and left the apartment without saying a single word. They both could feel the sexual tension, even the uber, as they sat next to each other-but as far away as possible-could feel that something was happening between them. They got out of the car, (Y/n) adjusting her dress as the both stepped a bit closer to the place she called school for part of her life.

“We should get our story straight, some details they might want to know or ask…” Tom broke the lingering silence they had.

“Yeah, like we’ve been together for 8 months, that ok?” He nodded and intertwined their fingers, she slightly jumped and looked at him.

“We should do a bit of PDA, holding hand, cheek kissing, hugging, all that.”He said pointing at their hands. She nodded and smiled, like the warmth of his hand on hers.

“Also, lets just keep the story as real as possible. Truly tell them how we met, or how we ended up living together, it’ll be easier for both of us.” (Y/n) said smiling at him. He nodded and took a step forward.

“Ready, darling?” She bit her lip and nodded, taking his hand and, slightly, dragging him towards the entrance. They passed a few classrooms, she showed him which one she had studied music at, or where something happened. She then dragged him to where her locker was and how it still had the small star he painted.

“… and then Mr.Wilder started crying, I wasn’t even acting good y’know? I was a terrible performer, no one expected me to become this big star…”She laughed with Tom, as they entered the gym class, where the party was located. “It was hilarious, I think my mom still has the video of me tripping on sta-”

“Still blows my mind how you became an actor.” A voice said behind them. Tom turns around and looks at an orange-tanned girl with a fake smile.

“Amber, hey” (Y/n) greased her with he same fake smile. “This is Tom, my boyfriend.” Amber licked her lips and flirtatiously tried to kiss his cheek. (Y/n) took a step back, forcefully, and sighed.

“I’m Amber McDonaghew.” He slightly pushed her away, making her annoyed.

“Nice to meet you, Tom Holland.” He extended his hand and she rolled her eyes, accepting the greeting. Tom grabbed (Y/n) by the waist and pulled her towards him, making her smile. Janet, a brunette girl, came walking towards where they were.

“(Y/n), you came!” She squealed and hugged her, eyeing Tom. “And you must be Tom Holland, himself.” She smiled, showing all white teeth.

“It a pleasure to meet you.” He smiled, still holding (Y/n).

“My sister loves your movies, after dinner can I get your autograph, she would freak out. Oh and your too (Y/n), she lov-.”Tom nodded, laughing at her.

“Get a hold of yourself Janet, he’s just a normal person.” Amber rolled her eyes, trying to get Toms attention.

“Don’t worry Janet, we WOULD be HONORED to take a photo or make a video for your sister.” (Y/n) smiled at her, making Amber angrier.

“WE should all go sit down, come (Y/n) they put you at our table.” Amber said rolling her eyes. Tom looked down at her. (Y/n) was frowning, not expecting that to be true but Amber was the coordinator, she could’ve done anything. With a deep sigh and a reassurance squeeze from Tom, they both walked to the table where (Y/n)’s worst memories were held

“Guys, remember (Y/n)?” Amber asked to the table, bringing all the attention to them. They sat down, (Y/n) next to Tom and Amber beside him. They all nodded and eyed her suspiciously. “Well, she’s now dating the Tom Holland, spider-man himself.” She squealed as if she was the one dating him.

“Damn (Y/n), didn’t know you had it in you.” Nick shouted, making her laugh.

“(Y/n), congrats, How’d you meet?” Danielle asked, looking at Amber. You slightly heard her telling whispering to Amber “Thought you said she was lying?” “Wait and see Dani, ask her something.” (Y/n) rolled her eyes and smiled, naturally leaning into Tom, like she always did.

“Actually, it's not that great of a story… I just met him on set of this indie film we were making.” She shrugged.

“You can be a bit more specific than that love, cause I still remember the first time I saw you.” He said, looking at (Y/n).

“What? How?” She looked at him confused. “That was ages ago…”

“Oh, please tell us…” Miri, one of Amber posies said.

“We were supposed to meet before filming started, but the idiot that I am mixed the dates and had to cancel on our coffee outing.” All the table looks at him with the upmost attention, even Amber wasn’t missing a bit of the story. “…So then, I accidentally roll out under the car and bringer her down with me. She was pissed, I had ruined her hair, mudded up her dress, it was hilarious.” They were all laughing, even Amber smiled a little bit but (Y/n) just stared at him. She didn’t understand how he could still remember that.

“You did it un purpose, you saw a pretty lady walking to her trailer and said ´hmm how can I ruin her day` and did just that to get my attention.” He sheepishly smiled at her and brought her closer. “Holy shit, you’re not even denying it. Thomas, you fucking creep.” She laughed with the rest of the table.

The party kept on going, the lines between friendship and more kept on blurring. The alcohol was taking its effect and most of the guest were dancing to the beat of the music, remembering the good old days. Tom and (Y/n) kept on talking, much to Ambers dismay, they would respond everything she asked. They actually seemed like a couple but still something was off with this. There was no kissing, and every touch was calculated or fearful. She caught to this quickly and was going to use it to her advantage.

“Have you guys voted yet?” Amber nicely asked, she smiled and looked at both of them.

“Voted for what?” (Y/n) asked, confused at to what she was saying.

“You know, for King and Queen of the reunion.” She stated matter of factly, rolling her eyes at (Y/n) as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Yeah, no, we really aren’t into that.” You answered casually.

“I never understood why choose a king and queen, like do they get benefits? Do they get a prize? Fame and fortune? I don’t get it. Americans are so weird.” Tom rambled on to (Y/n), smiling down at her.

“You know what guys? Lets all go dance!” Amber screamed pushing (Y/n) and Tom to the dance floor.

They all moved to the rhythm of the music for a while, jumping up and down and trying to grind on each other. (Y/n) awkwardly danced with Tom. She couldn’t keep up with his extravagant moves, or his beat. She had to left feet. Suddenly, the DJ changed the song to a slow one and he instantly placed his hand around (Y/n).

“Hey, Tom. Dance with me?” Amber said, trying to push (Y/n) away.

“Sorry Amber, but (Y/n)’s my date and I wouldn’t want to leave her alone, maybe next one.” He smiled sweetly. People around them heard and snickered at Amber, as she stomped out of their view. The music abruptly stopped and an annoying voice came out of the speakers.

“Hello class of 2013, hows the night going?” Amber said as everyone screamed in response.

“Well, we actually have guest of honors this year. Two famous people and love bird, (Y/n) and Tom Holland” Everyone clapped, some hollered and others just eyed them. “Now guys, come closer, don’t be scared.” (Y/n) and Tom moved a few steps closer to the stage, until they stopped in the center.

“Know that we have our famous couple here” Amber said into the microphone. “Why don’t you bless us with a kiss?” She smiled maliciously at them. No one was going to embarrass her, not even Tom Holland himself.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” People started chanting as (Y/n) and Tom looked at each other uncomfortably. She hated this, the unwanted attention, the pressure to do whatever these people wanted. Tom didn’t mind kissing her, hell he wanted to, but (Y/n) looked scared, uncomfortable and annoyed. His heart broke a little as he sighed, looking into her eyes.

“I can tell them off you know, we don’t have to kiss.” He bit his plump lip. She nodded and looked at his lips then at his brown marvelous eyes. She was scared. This was the first time she was going to kiss Tom as herself, without any acting-ok, maybe a little acting-involved.

“Tommy, I don’t mind…” She mumbled out, getting closure to him. He slightly nodded and pressed his warm lips to hers, for a few seconds before being suddenly pushed back.

“For fuck sake, you aren’t supposed to kiss her. God dammit, you aren’t even dating, are you? It’s me your supposed to be interested on.” Amber screeched trying to grab (Y/n). “Let fucking go of me” she screamed as Nick and another dude held her back.

“What the fuck is your problem Amber?” (Y/n) said seeing red. “Why the hell do you care if I date Tom or anyone else? Get a fucking life already.” She glared at the mad girl.

“(Y/n), you fucking tool, you were supposed to bring Tom, and he was supposed to like me.” She said, pushing out of the boys grasp. “Don't you get it? Im perfect, I’m beautiful and you’re you, a weird, ugly, wannabe stupid little girl. I’ve always been and will be better than yo-“

“Enough Amber!” Toms stern voice shut her up. “I would never be with you, not because you aren’t pretty but cause you’re a fucking bitch. Listen to yourself, you don’t even compare to (Y/n). She’s perfect in every fucking way, even when she gets annoying, uses all the hot water and refuses to help around the house. I fucking love her for who she is. God dammit, she is everything you will never be able to achieve,. Do you even have a career as big and important as hers? No. She’ even been nominated to talk at the UNICEF, you should be honored that she puts up with your shit.” (Y/n) looked at him, her mouth slightly open as he grabbed her had and pulled her out of the room.

“Tom, stop. Wait, Tom” She kept trying to stop him, as they entered the pool area. “Thomas stop!” She planted her feet, making him stop abruptly.

“What (Y/n)?” He looked at her, all traces of humor gone.

“What was that?” Pointing to the other room. “all of that?” She whispered gently.

“I don’t know, I-I just couldn’t stand Amber saying those things and-”

“You said you loved me?” She said wide eyed.

“Oh shit, look (Y/n) I just I-well you see- Its- Yes, I love you” he ended out of breath. He closed his eyes, not really wanting to see her face or feel the disappointment.

“Are you in love with me or just love me?” She asked, stepping closer to him.

“The first…?” He answered quietly,

“Tom, I’m in love with you too.” He opened his eyes and looked at how close she was. She was inches away from his lips, as she grinned.

“Really? That explains all the breakfasts and awkward stares.” He goofy smiled.

“Fuck you, Holla-“ He crashed his lips to hers, as they laughed happily. It was the start of something wonderful, something they both needed and wanted.

#Tom Holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x oc #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #peter parker #peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #tom holland au

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temarisnara · 4 years

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Temari, Shikamaru, Neji, Rock Lee

god this is my THIRD ATTEMPT TO DO THIS SO IM DOING IT IN WORDS DOC

temari

favorite thing about them: i've written this 3 times!!!! BUT!!!! i love that at the age of FIFTEEN she'd already got the title cruelest konoichi. like. ilu queen. and she's so confident too, like she knows she could wreck anyone's shit, she goes up against MADARA without ever pausing. and i love that whilee on the battlefield she's cruel, as a civillian she's just...lowkey a bitch. like she's scary and people know to fear her but she doesnt actually...bully anyone besides shikamaru. she's also so ride or die for her brothers and i LOVE it.

least favorite thing about them: whatever that ooc mess was that was used to get her and shikamaru together.

favorite line: idk but when she tells madara "don't understimate me!" GO OFF QUEEN

brOTP: gaara and kankuro, 100%. the sand siblings are so fucking good. i could talk all day about them. in the leaf i think she vibes with ino, though she needs Breaks. she didn't like, Get choji at first but the more she got to know him she's like "oh i get it he's just Genuinely Good" and now he's her favorite. i also like to imagine she and karui bonded over not being from the leaf, and also having ino as their sister in law. that's a unique experience okay.

OTP: shikamaru!!!!!!!

nOTP: i dont really have any?? i just can't ship her with anyone but shikamaru, i think he's it for her. temari was never really one to be concerned over romance or anything, it's not something she cared about, and she kind of expected an arranged marriage so she was more focused on Not doing that. but then shikamaru happened and it was like. oh. she actually wouldn't mind spending the rest of her life with him. huh. gross.

random headcanon: i have a lot of Thoughts about temari as a mother. i think that she never planned on being one, just like how she never planned on falling in love. it wasn't opposition, just. her childhood was fucked up, she had no good parental role models, she was much more interested in being a konoichi. but then she and shikamaru got serious and shikamaru is the head of the nara clan and he needed an heir. she agreed to it, in a few years, but shikadai was an oops ! so anyway, temari hated being pregnant lmao which is why they only had shikadai. but once he was born temari is like "oh. i'll kill and die for this child." like shikadai wasn't Real to her until she held him (vs shikamaru, who's been obsessed with that child since temari first started showing). temari actually tried going back to work when shikadai was a year old but pretty quickly she realized "fuck this". temari likes working, a lot, but she also likes being needed and she just likes her kid! so she oversaw all his training from the time he was old enough. it was hard at first, because she's never babied him, but she knew that the training she recieved was uh, not acceptable, so she struggled with what pace was actually okay for his age. hinata and sakura actually helped a lot here- hinata also had Fucked Up training as a child and sakura trained with tsunade who is Insane so they were able to figure out what worked best for their children. GOD THIS GOT LONG. anyway. i love temari and shikadai thank u.

unpopular opinion: i love shikatema so much but she was done so fucking dirty

song i associate with them: hurricane by the fray

favorite picture of them: she always looks so cool

shikamaru

favorite thing about them: god. i hate this but i genuinely love how smart he is and how fucking lazy he is. like how he kept complaing about his match with temari being moved up and then you realize it's because he was relying on the shadows? bitch. he's so cool. and when he pretended to be asleep rather than deal with whatever the fuck orochimaru was doing ESRTYTJU that's when i knew i loved him. but also, i love his development. like he really just wanted to coast through life, didnt want to get involved in anything, just wanted a plain wife and two boring kids. he had absolutely no aspirations. and he never had a ~change of heart~ for his own sake, he just surrounded himself by people who genuinely inspired him and he wanted to be of use to them. l love him!!!

least favorite thing about them: like the misogyny doesn't bother me THAT much because hashtag it could be worse! but it's not good lmao

favorite line: BITCH! "i'm your god" SIR I LOVE YOU. also his line about how he can't die because naruto doesn't have a smart younger brother to help him, and he's the only one capable of being naruto's advisor.

brOTP: ino and asuma are the only Strictly platonic ones but obviously i LOVE his friendships with choji and naruto

OTP: TEMARIIIIIIIII, also choji and naruto.........i'm soft

nOTP: listen. it's not notp but everytime i remember people ship shikaino i'm like "they're siblings???" like no judgement, i have too many fucking ships fandom calls siblings, but their dynamic is SO sibling like to me lmao. also like...shikamaru loves ino and would do anything for her but he does NOT like her ass. you know he avoids her when he's too tired to deal with her bullshit.

random headcanon: LET'S KEEP TALKING ABOUT SHIKADAI. so when shikamaru's dad dies he has a line about how he wasn't around when shikamaru was growing up, and shikamaru obviously doesn't resent him for that, but he does make a concious choice to Not do that. it'd be too easy to get wrapped up in his job, but he won't let himself. he makes sure to make time for shikadai. they play shogi together, and shikamaru is very involved in his training, and even when he's exhausted from work he'll listen to shikadai talk about his day and never show how tired he is. he loves his kid so much, temari makes fun of him for being soft. also when shikadai was a baby shikamaru was lowkey obsessed with him lmao. temari needed Breaks but shikamaru...never really did. even when he was crying he would just hold and bounce him until he calmeed down (also shikamaru was way better at calming shikadai down than temari lmao)

unpopular opinion: listen. is shikamaru misogynistic? yes. but he doesn't like, hate women or think less of them, he just needed to learn that not every woman is as insane as ino. i've seen too many "naruto as vines" videos where it's like shikamaru is like "oh sorry i fell asleep waiting for you to make me a sandwich" like thats not him!

song i associate with them: uh nicotine by P!ATD

favorite picture of them: my header on twitter i guess idk!

neji

favorite thing about them: oh gosh. i genuinely like that he was a fucking angry child. he had every right to be. the hyuuga system is FUCKED! he projected it onto hinata, which wasn't fair to her, but god. he didn't have an outlet and the chunnin exams was his only opportunity to take his anger out on the main branch. anyway i love that after naruto beat his ass he was like "okay maybe i should stop being a prick" and he just. got better. became friends with his team. healed his relationship with hinata. he became so genuinely good

least favorite thing about them: this motherfucker really had me CRYING over him. rude as fuck.

favorite line: i am way too tired to think about this

brOTP: HINATA!!!!!!! also rock lee.

OTP: tenten!

nOTP: hinata. i hate you freaks.

random headcanon: himawari would've been his favorite. like, he loves boruto, that's his nephew, but he's a mini naruto and that's. exhausting. himawari is perfect in neji's eyes though and tenten makes fun of him for it.

unpopular opinion: its' not unpopular but genuinely it's bullshit he died when hinata's dad was RIGHT THERE. like. i will never not be fucking heated that neji died to protect hinata and her dad was just twiddling his goddamn thumbs as it happened. you useless FUCK. god. anyway i also hate that neji's death he just talked to naruto like his speech to naruto was good but we deserved more neji and hinata talking. i also don't like he died for naruhina to happen lmao we've talked about this, someone in the konoha 11 needed to die for naruto to prove obito wrong, and i dont even mind that it was neji, but his death shouldn't have had anything to do with naruhina.

song i associate with them: i dont have one but uhhh i found a neji playlist so i'm gonna say r.i.p 2 my youth by the neighborhood

favorite picture of them: bruh. idc.

rock lee

favorite thing about them: HE'S SO HARD WORKING AND DETERMINED AND NEVER GIVES UP AND HE'S A GENUINELY GOOD AND KIND HEARTED PERSON GOD ROCK LEE I LOVE YOU

least favorite thing about them: WHERE'S HIS SCREENTIME KISHIMOTO

favorite line: dude he's so weird i have no idea

brOTP: neji and tenten!!! and GAI OF COURSE. AND SAKURA. 10/10.

OTP: GAARA.

nOTP: listen there is GENUINELY nothing wrong with it but i dont vibe with rock lee/tenten.

random headcanon: ok this isn't a real headcanon but i made myself laugh yesterday thinking that orochimaru got bored and cloned rock lee and that's where metal lee came from. anyway real headcanon is he's married to gaara in boruto. thank u.

unpopular opinion: shut up about his and gaara's fight oh my GOD i dont care

song i associate with them: uhhhh idk here have a rock lee tribute

favorite picture of them: what's important is his good heart

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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 3 years

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Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

#ask #anon #taylor #mine

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