#still if other people do that is great! just not for me
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MISS BAD MEDIA KARMA
pairings: (alleged) charles leclerc x reader. lando norris x reader. george russell x reader. (platonic) sebastian vettel x reader.
warnings: misogynistic media and comments.
summary: after a night out with your fellow drivers, the media is alight with rumours and speculation about your romantic life. most people would call a pr meeting, you go through the funniest rumours on instagram live and rate them out of ten.
author’s note: i’m still taking questions/asks/requests so please send some in! also as usual, there is a poll at the end so please vote!
— part of my maneater series ꕤ
START INSTAGRAM LIVE. (20K WATCHING)
Y/N: hi guys! hi! how is everyone? how are you doing?
user1: Y/N NOTICE ME!
user2: y/n girl u look hungover as hell 😭
Y/N: am i hungover? perhaps. that’s probably why i’m doing this. jo is going to kill me but whatever.
user3: what are you planning on doing? 😭
Y/N: after yesterday’s… events. there have been a lot of rumours about me and my fellow drivers that have been spread around social media. so let’s talk through them and rate them out of ten.
user7: ain’t this a pr disaster?
user8: you probably shouldn’t do this.
landonorris: LMFAOOOOOO DO IT
Y/N: lando? how are you not hungover from last night? i’ll start with you. apparently according to this thread by twitter user y/nando, the two of us are secretly engaged to be married. okay first of all, why? second of all, no. i’m sorry. that isn’t happening any time soon. also, my schedule is too packed to be thinking about marriage plans. this one is 2/10 because c’mon.
landonorris: i’m searching that thread right now.
landonorris: wait lol why is this kinda accurate… are you sure we’re not engaged?
user7: LMFAOOOOOO
Y/N: we’re supposed to be EXTINGUISHING the rumours, not adding to them??? we are not engaged. we’re just friends. barely that if anything.
user8: BOOOOOOOOO
y/nando: it’s okay :) you’ll see that you’re perfect for each other one day.
Y/N: will we? anyways. next rumour. according to some monaco newspaper, charles and i have a secret child. this is apparently backed up by some anonymous sources.
landonorris: BOOOOO we get some shitty engagement rumour and you and charles get a child. i want a redo!
charles_leclerc: don’t deny our child y/n 😔
user6: y’all are MESSY 😭
user9: CHARLESY/N SUPREMACY 😍
georgerussell63: end the live y/n 😁👍🏻
Y/N: what is this photo? this is supposed to be proof of my pregnancy? i was just bloated from an evening of indulging at this amazing italian restaurant. it was gorgeous. whoever used this photo is dead wrong for that. this one is 5/10 cause i feel self conscious.
user12: no deadass 😭 if i was famous i would have had a million pregnancy rumours by now.
user68: no charlesy/n baby? BOOO!
Y/N: another one. george and i were spotted buying baby clothes in london. apparently george is me and charles’ baby’s godfather. there is no baby! charles and i don’t have a kid. so george is not the godfather!
georgerussell63: wait… why not? i would be a great godfather actually. i am offended.
user9: george going from telling y/n to switch off the live to being offended he isn’t the godfather of her alleged baby is crazy 😭
Y/N: also why was i shopping with george and not my alleged baby daddy? charles you’re a deadbeat to our non-existent child and that’s why this newspaper is saying that george is raising my kid?
charles_leclerc: apologies to leclerc jr but no way i’m letting george raise him.
georgerussell63: i’m not ready to be a stepdad but c’mon i’d be a great one.
user4: george isn’t the stepdad, he’s the dad that stepped up!
logansargeant: i’m upset that i haven’t been included in these rumors.
Y/N: if i was gonna ask anyone to be my baby’s stepdad it would be oscar. this rumour is 3/10 because it’s so unbelievable.
oscarpiastri: NOOOOOOOO 😰
user9: HELP???
user67: i’m watching this while doing my makeup. y/n is my favourite influencer!
user78: i was watching your vlog when i saw the notification!
Y/N: did you enjoy this vlog? for people who haven’t seen it yet, it’s detailing my offseason with my friends and family! we travelled a little and i did some work with my sponsorships! so check it out. we have some very interesting camera people.
user65: can’t believe you had the usher do your camera work for your superbowl vlog.
user8: you met beyoncé, you never gonna fail!
user67: be honest, did you faint at the sight of all the big celebs?
lewishamilton: y/n, this is all very interesting but maybe you shouldn’t be doing this? - sebastian.
Y/N: seb?? what are you doing here? and why are you on lewis’ account? don’t you have your own?
lewishamilton: i lost my login information 😅 and i got a message from charles telling me to shut this down - sebastian.
Y/N: what a snitch…
user23: he mad y/n didn’t accept their child 😭
Y/N: speaking of sebastian, here is my favourite rumour. that sebastian is my father and i’m his secret lovechild.
youryoungersis: wait…. is that why we look so different? you have a different dad???
lewishamilton: i’m not that much older than you? how can i be your dad? i’m only 13 years older than you! do i look that old? - sebastian, NOT your father.
user7: HELPSOSJSSJ
user5: NOT HIM CLARIFYING 😭😭
Y/N: that one is funny but no. we don’t even look alike! i hear a lot that we have the same mannerisms but that’s probably because i practically grew up around the guy. i’m rating this one…. 7/10.
lewishamilton: grew up around not with! - sebastian, NOT her father.
user2: BRO WE GET IT 😭😭😭😭
Y/N: so basically, time for the last one. this one is definitely the most out of pocket one.
alex_albon: BOOOOO I MISSED MOST OF IT
danielricciardo: 🤣🤣🤣
user98: HELSPSOSJ i’m laughing so hard.
Y/N: oh hi jo! how did you get in? WAIT!-
INSTAGRAM LIVE ENDED. (98K WATCHING)
#jayde’s works ☆#maneater ꕤ#f1 x reader#f1 smau#f1 imagine#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula one x reader#f1 texts#f1 fanfic#formula one imagine#sebastian vettel x reader#charles leclerc x reader#lando norris x reader#formula one smau#formula one#george russell x reader
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oooh what about a lil blurb about bombshell r and spencer where it's the first time in their relationship that one of them is super sick and the other has to take care of them?? if you're feeling up for it ofc!! love u jade <333
ty for requesting<3<3 fem, 1k
“I’m sicker than a sick dog. I’m half cough.”
Spencer frowns at his phone where it lays on speaker at the breakfast table. “You are? What kind of cough?”
“It’s awful, I can’t tell you. You’ll stop loving me.”
Spencer smiles even though he wants to grimace. He told you he loved you a few days ago, and you hadn’t said it back, but you certainly hadn’t stopped liking him. You’re more obsessed with him than before, he’d argue. It’s a great feeling, almost as good as an I love you in return would’ve been.
(He doesn’t blame you for not saying it. You’ve been officially dating for less than a month. He shouldn’t have said it, only he’d been lying in your bed about to go to sleep with your hand in his and he’d never felt anything like it, not home but safe, not home but comfortable, and so so wanted.)
“I don’t think that’s true,” Spencer says.
“I’m gonna order some soup I think. What are you gonna do today?” Your voice is thick like you can’t breathe through your nose, but still yours.
“I’m gonna put my shoes on and come see you, I guess.”
“Yeah?”
It’s a no brainier. “What soup do you want, Y/N?”
He says your name like a compliment. You laugh down the line, which turns into a cough, and a pained moan. “Any kind of soup, babe. You’re really gonna come and see me?”
“Someone has to take care of you. Ideally me.”
“Too right.”
When Spencer gets to your apartment thirty rushed minutes later, you’re already worse. He knocks on your door and you answer with a hand covering your face, your breath audibly shallow. “I forgot that being sick makes you ugly.”
Spencer takes your wrist in his hand kindly. “Nothing can make you ugly. Come on, let me see.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I!”
You aren’t pretty, you’re stunning. You’re gorgeous. You’ve been the most beautiful woman Spencer’s ever seen since the moment he saw you, not just because of your looks, of which you take great care, but because of your heart, how kind you’d been to him and continue to be. Your confident personality has never once made you cruel. He couldn’t say the same for most people, so you could have snot running down your lips and a zit the size of Quantico on your forehead and he’d still think you were the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.
“Come on,” he says again, “I know you’re still beautiful.”
You let him pull your hand down, unveiling your puffy eyes and chapped nose. “I don’t know how I got sick so fast.”
The tote bag he’d brought with him slips into his elbow and pulls down his sweater sleeve as he grabs your shoulder. “You said you looked ugly.”
“I do!”
“All you do is lie.” He gives you a small smile. Am I doing this flirting thing right?
“I wanna kiss you so bad.”
Your audible heartbreak is convincing. “I’ll still kiss you.” His desperation is even more evident than yours. “I’d love to kiss you.” Even if it’s usually you who kisses him.
You close your eyes and lean in for a kiss at the same time. Just one kiss, firm for a millisecond, no parting lips or tongue to be seen but just as good a kiss as any other. Spencer must’ve had about thirty of them now, yet a kiss from you never feels real.
“I’ll look after you if you get sick,” you promise, pulling away.
He was counting on it. He hates germs, hates being sick, but he loves you. Whatever happens is out of his hands.
You seem a little unsteady on your feet, now Spencer’s looking at you. You’re wearing loose white pyjamas with blue flowers, and on your feet you have a pair of shoes somewhere between slippers and boots, brown fabric with fluffy white insides he’s seen you sporting on the jet from time to time when you’re at your most achingly tired.
You look adorable and tipping. He eases out of his shoes, sliding the bag of tinned soup, crackers and about seventy dollars worth of cold medicine onto the sideboard so he can put his hand under your arm.
“Let’s go back to bed,” he says, wrapping you in a supportive hug.
“Forward,” you tease.
You shouldn’t. Spencer thinks about intimacy with you and goes insanely pink everytime, though you’re far from new to one another. He especially doesn’t wanna think about it as you cross your room and flop down into bed with a tired sigh. “Come lay down?”
“I’m wearing jeans.”
“Did you sit down on the subway?”
“No, I drove here.”
“Come on, Spence. Your germs are fine.” You smile at the ceiling as he sits down at the top of your bed. “You drove here? You hate driving.”
“It was quickest.”
You drop your head into his lap. Your breathing is laboured.
“You okay?” he asks you.
“Just missed you.”
“I brought you some stuff. Vapour rub and decongestant spray, painkillers, vitamins, everything.” He leans down as he wraps his arms over your front, a promise to look after you. “Try to take a deep breath, angel,” he advises sympathetically. “You sound really out of breath.”
“Too much standing up.”
“Standing up can be good for you when you’re sick. It stops you from getting idle diseases and bed sores, and walking is even better for you if you can manage it, it helps unclog your sinuses.” He finishes his fact, and he looks down at you all poorly in his lap, remembering very quickly how lucky he is to have found someone who listens. You didn’t interrupt. You wouldn’t have even thought about it, he’s sure. “But no more standing up or walking around. I’m gonna get you anything you need. You’ll be better in no time.”
You give him your own grateful smile. “Thank you.” You scrunch up your nose.
“Are you gonna sneeze? I got balsam tissues.” The damage to your nose has already been done. “Do you have any chapstick? We’ll rub some on your nose to stop it from getting any drier.”
Your wrinkled nose worsens. “Thank you for coming to look after me,” you say weakly.
He wants to say you’re his best friend in the whole world, but you’re more than that now. “You’re welcome,” he says quietly, ducking down to plant a kiss near your eyebrow. “I always want to look after you. This is just the first time you’ve let me.”
You smile contentedly, your voice falling to a whisper. “Will you tell me you love me again?”
Spencer doesn’t think he’s in any position to deny you. “I love you,” he says truthfully. “Thank you for letting me come over.”
You turn your face into his arm. “Thank you for wanting to, handsome.”
#spencer and bombshell reader#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds
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espresso
lando norris x reader
dets: an international pop star and a f1 driver could never be secretly dating right? right?
authors note: this is kinda chaotic but its been still in my drafts since that damn espresso song came out, how is it so good?
faceclaim: sabrina carpenter
yourusername
liked by ynfan1 and others
yourusername me laughing at all y'all trying to figure out who my hot songs are about LOOLLLLLL you'll know when I want you to know MWAH xx
melbourne tonight :)))
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ynfan1 you are so unhinged I LOVE
charli_xcx just tell them its me !
yourusername you're right sorry wifey xx
ynfan2 wait are they still around??
ynfanupdates wait whats happening in melbourne tonight ???
ynfan3 she's so secretive, I didn't even know she was dating anyone
landonorris
liked by martingarrix and others
landonorris tralia mate
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danielricciardo looking fresh mate
landonorris thanks babe xx
f1fan1 landos longest relationship right here
f1fan2 bahahah for real man is chronically single
oscarpiastri 👍👍
f1fan1 best of luck this weekend !
yourusername just posted to their close friends!
[caption: baby just had a great weekend at the office <3]
replies:
maxfewtrell disgustingly sweet
↳ jealousy is a disease, better get checked out xx
alexalbon ugh you two make me sick
↳ oh yeah and yourself and lily aren't worse 😐
yourusername
liked by martingarrix and others
yourusername missing tour hours, should we do it again??
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ynfan1 PLEASE COME BACK
oliviarodrigo you never rest queen
yourusername lol duty calls
ynfan1 huh? hasn't she been off for ages ?
ynfan3 singers can have other responsibilities you do know that right
ynfan2 I just want to know who you're dating..
ynfanupdates
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ynfanupdates yourusername out in monaco tonight !
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ynfan1 huh wonder what has her in monaco? she's there alot recently
ynfan2 looooveee the orange
landofan1
liked by landoupdates and others
landofan1 firstly tell how is a man so hot?? also look at how much he's vibing to yourusername's feather remix??
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landofan1 I could take him (not in a fight)
ynfan1 he is just like me fr
f1fan1 no WAY whats he doing playing yn? 👀
ynfan1 I mean she is one of the biggest pop singers in the world rn
f1fan1 orrrrrrrr
ynfan2 haha you wish
yourusername oooh whos he ?
landofan1 bahaahahha girl, you are everything I want my popstars to be
yourusername
liked by chapellroan and others
yourusername pookie is away (again) so heres some pics of me looking hot for pookie, and pookie only <3
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ynfan1 what boyfriend would ever leave you??
yourusername I know right?? poor me !
chapellroan need a sub ?
yourusername I don't know what you're abbreviating but yes. yes please.
reneerapp god DAMN
(liked by yourusername)
f1fan1 hmmmmmmhmmm away? and theres a grand prix this weekend
lando.jpg
liked by ynfan1 and others
lando.jpg returning the favour x Race weekend was gud
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landofan1 people died.
oscarpiastri such a poser
lando.jpg my lady loves it 🤷
landofan1 IS HE IN A RELATIONSHIP
landofan2 since when wtf
f1fan1 I don't even care how delusional I am, he'd be so hot for yourusername
ynfan1 Ikr but they don't even follow each other :((
yourusername just posted to their story!
[caption: pookie has returned <3]
replies:
landonorris I don't know how I feel about pookie...
↳ but POOKIE I love it (and you)
↳ landonorris ugh okay fine (love you too)
charli_xcx this soft launch is mean, and I know who it is
↳ hehehhe lol its SO fun tho
f1fan1 is that papaya ?
yourusername just followed landonorris!
landonorris just followed yourusername!
yourusername
liked by landonorris
yourusername need a pick me up ?
Espresso 4/11 @ 8pm ET,
Music Video 4/12 @ 10:00am ET
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ynfan1 woooo queen is back
ynfan2 LOVE the vibe of this
landofan1 is that the JOLLY ???
landofan2 do we think lando is in the video?? cause thats defo him!
landonorris uber rating ?
yourusername 4 stars out of 5 ! missing star is because you kept making me laugh during filming
landonorris always knew being so funny was a double edged sword.
georgerussell sorry just confirming, do you think YOU are the funny one?
ynfan1 what a random friendship, but so cute
f1fan1 finally followed each other, my delusions don't feel so crazy
landofan1 I would loveee if they became friends
landonorris just added to their close friends!
[caption: we just hard launched via music video and people are thinking FRIEnDshIP ?]
replies:
yourusername babyyyy they're so stupid
↳ told you it's crazy you're dating me..
↳ yourusername UGH no enough of that
danielricardio the landonorizz lore is to deep I'm afraid..
lilyme cons of dating a hottie
yourusername
liked by landonorris and others
yourusername guys this is my POOKIE! I just hardlaunched my muse, y'all should be blessed !
(last pic is not mine but like look at how he looks at me teehee...)
tagged: landonorris
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landonorris love of my life fuck
ynfan1 damn y'all are in love love aren't you
fan1 this is crazy to me lando and THE pop it girl??
yourusername me and THE lando norris who is a professional hottie and my pookie xx
landofan1 ugh im obsessed with you two
ynfan1 you're telling me you've been dating another celebrity for at least 3 years and we've seen ZERO pap pics?
f1fan1 for real tho we would've seen her at a grand prix, theres thousands of cameras
landofan1 yeah seems suss
yourusername ugh guys !!! why are you making me spell everything out for you
landonorris time to cook darling
mclaren finally the parents are insta official
yourusername get hyped to see me at a gp wigless xxx
ynfan1 you wear wigs??
yourusername have you worn wigs??
landonorris will you wear wigs???
ynfan1 omfg I get it now
landonorris
liked by yourusername and others
landonorris meet my three year pr relationship x
tagged: yourusername
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yourusername yes sorry guys the warming climate is all our fault !! just so fucking hot we cant help it eek
oscarpiastri you two are so unbearable already please go back to being a secret
landonorris after 3 years of norizz jokes, I thinkkkk no !
landofan1 THREE yEaRs ???
mclaren wearing papaya off season? oh shes a keeper
ynfan1 heheh admin gets it
danielricciardo rip norizz it was fun while it lasted..
landonorris fun for WHO??
[finished]
hehe im working lateeee, cause I procrastinated doing assignments all day xx
#lando norris#lando norris imagine#lando norris x reader#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#lando norris fanfic#smau
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📝 neteyam + human reader with an age gap!!
Olo’eyktan Neteyam x female human reader, minors dni 🔞
The olo’eyktan has long suspected, the clothes of his people would suit you well.
You’re a vision bought to him by eywa herself when you emerge from the other room. Such a young, naive thing, with the most fetching, delicate blush creeping across your cheeks. There's so much to take in, Neteyam thinks his eyes might pop out of his head.
Those smooth, young, perfect legs peeking out from under the tiny little loincloth make him swallow the salvia that’s pooling in his mouth, but the sight of your barely covered chest is even better. Just a few feathers, woven together like a necklace, are covering your firm breasts and Neteyam has to hold back to reach out and touch them, hold them in his palm.
"You’re staring," you mumble quietly, biting a perfectly plump lower lip. "This is so embarrassing…" Great mother, you’re too precious.
"You look perfect, like a beautiful little doll," he assures you and your brows furrow, wondering how he would know what a doll even looks like. "Better than any na’vi woman."
You can’t help but snort and roll your eyes at that, because you know it’s not true.
"Now now," he says with a chuckle, "Aren't you being a little ungrateful? You shouldn’t roll your eyes at your olo’eyktan. Especially not, after you’ve just received a gift."
Neteyam tips your chin up with a finger and you feel yourself crumbling under the intense gaze of his golden orbs. "S-Sorry", you manage to force out. "Sorry, sir", you add quickly.
"I'm offended," Neteyam sighs, but the fainted smile is gazing his lips, telling you, that is is all part of the game. "You'd better make it up to me, little tawtute [human]."
And what a perfect little doll you make, surely, when you get down onto your knees and, oh great mother, he's already half-stacked just from the blush in your cheeks and those big doe eyes staring up at him. There's hesitance right before you gives kittenish licks over his rapidly stiffening cock. Neteyam groans, lays it all out over those wonderful soft lips.
"Sir, I, what if… what if I make them dirty?" You stammer, glancing down at the neatlywoven fabric of your loincloth, specifically made to fit your much smaller physique.
"Then you'd better not spill any, paskalin [honey]," he purrs, mapping the outline of your lips with his smooth tip.
And then he pushes forward, urging you to open your mouth and start to suck. What a perfect little angel in those perfect little clothes, he thinks with a grin. You do your very best not to choke on his cock, but it’s especially hard given the difference in size between the both of you. His tip is already in your throat, but he’s not even halfway inside you yet.
Still, you’re genuinely concerned about spoiling his gift, and so, when Neteyam releases (quickly, too fucking quickly when his young tawtute toy was working her magic like that), you swallow it with the most adorable little gulping sound.
#lunas10kfollowercelebration#avatar the way of water#avatar#avatar 2#atwow#neteyam#neteyam sully#neteyam x female reader#neteyam x reader smut#neteyam avatar#atwow neteyam#avatar neteyam#neteyam fanfiction#neteyam smut#neteyam x human reader#neteyam x female reader smut#neteyam x reader#neteyam x you
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This isn’t funny like most of my story posts but enough people have asked some for my opinions about lubricants and general tips that I figured I’d do a little master post about it.
I’m not a doctor! I just worked in a sex shop for several years and picked up a bunch of helpful nuggets, here they are.
All the links will be funny stories though, if you’re looking for a laugh.
Lubricants:
Silicone
Silicone Lube Pros: This stuff is the energizer bunny of lubricant. A very small amount goes a really long way and cannot be absorbed into the body. For anal, those experiencing vaginal dryness, or just really good penetrative sex between partners silicone is wonderful. Silicone is also extremely inert and by itself cannot cause yeast infections or allergic reactions*. Doesn’t taste or smell of anything.
*Some manufactures may add things to silicone to cut costs that could negatively impact genitals, read ingredients.
Silicone Lube Cons: Not safe with toys. Silicone lube can bond to silicone toys, this is basically always terrible. Because of its nature it can be very difficult to clean up, rags might be necessary as water will not help you much. This lubricant can feel very thin to some people who might prefer a more substantial feel. Also it can stain clothes or bedding in large quantities so having a dedicated sex blanket or towel can save sheets.
Favorite Brand: Pjur. Spendier but best overall feeling to me, nice and silky and a single bottle will last ages.
Water Based
Water Based Pros: This lube is the work horse and skeleton key of lube. If you never want to worry about what bottle you reach for, water based always has your back. It’s safe with toys, condoms, you name it. It comes in a variety of thicknesses and viscosity, there’s truly a water based lube for every preference.
Water Based Cons: Tragically, we are made of water. Human bodies love to absorb the water part of this equation, meaning it needs to be reapplied more frequently. For certain activities or bodies it’s nicer to have a lube that doesn’t need quite so much reapplication. Additionally you have to be careful of what ingredients* get added, many cost saving ones are a yeast infection in a bottle.
*Never use Astroglide, KY, or Vaseline, they bank on brand recognition and make the shittiest lube in feel, performance, and body safety. Glycerin or glycol is always a red flag ingredient for vaginal use.
Favorite Brand: Earthly bodies WaterSlide. There are So Many water based options that it’s hard to pick. This was my go to because it has a pretty okay feel but its ingredients list is short and to the point with nothing offensive like glycol to watch out for. It rehydrates very nicely if you lick it, it doesn’t throw off vaginal pH, and it’s inexpensive and easy to get. Even Walmart has it.
Hybrid
Hybrid Lube Pros: As the name suggests this is like silicone and water based had a baby. This lubricant has more body than a traditional silicone while being much more long lasting than a water based on its own. It cleans up easier than silicone and is still a good option for any type of sex except toys.
Hybrid Lube Cons: Still not safe to use with toys. That’s basically it. It’s pretty great.
Favorite Brand: Sliquid. I love their hybrid, it feels very nice with more substance than a silicone on its own and they’re a very nice brand overall in every category.
Oil Based
Oil Based Pros: Oil based is almost always on hand in either olive or coconut oil, it’s second only to silicone in butt stuff territory and some people prefer oil. Like the Roman Empire, which, I can’t blame them. Tastes and smells pretty nice.
Oil based Cons: Cannot be used with condoms. Kind of a big deal! Using condoms with anal is still a good idea but oil based lost favor when it turned out it destroys the most common modern prophylactic. Additionally oil can mess with vaginal pH. Anecdotally I’ve had people tell me it was infection after infection and others who only ever used oil. Similar to silicone, tough to clean up.
Favorite Brand: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ve never had personal experience with them and I don’t know which way to steer you, sorry. Messing with condoms mean that this lube has struggled commercially.
More Below, just don’t want this getting too long. (Also in case I need to add to this it’ll keep current version circulating if this blows up.)
Notable mentions for lube:
Spermicidal lube: Truly terrible for you. It causes micro tears and irritation which open you up to more disease and infections, besides which it tastes repulsive and is not a very effective preventative. Just don’t.
Flavored lube: I really don’t recommend this? Good lube doesn’t taste like anything, I don’t see that this needs to exist. Vaginas do not like anything sugary in them, which all flavored lubes are by nature. For health reasons it’s extremely Inadvisable to eat out butts without protection. If you must use flavored lube on a vagina haver try to focus it on the clit and not internally.
Condoms:
Condoms come pre-lubricated but did you know: Most condom tearing is the result of insufficient lube inside the condom? For safer sex put a few extra drops of lube inside the condom to increase sensation and decrease risk of tearing
Don’t store them in your wallet. Your body heat will break down the condom much quicker than storing in a drawer. If you’re going to carry one grab it fresh for a date.
Condoms stretch but they need to be tight at the base. Tight however doesn’t meet cutting off circulation. That’s a cock ring. If you need to wear condoms I recommend trying a few singles to see what brand feels the best for your body.
There are lambskin condoms but I don’t recommend them at all. They cannot be tested for tears, they still transmit STIs and they feel like wax paper. Polyisoprene is better in virtually every way for those with allergies.
Most people suffer from low grade latex allergies making a lot of condoms unpleasant. Latex was the first material able to be tested for structural integrity (they run a small electrical charge through it to test for breakages, neat right?). However! A new material hit the market called polyisoprene. It passes all the same safety regulations as latex while being hypoallergenic and contains much lower odor which brings me to…
Favorite Brand: Skyns. These condoms are truly excellent, smell and taste of nothing, and are just as safe as latex! The best. Really.
Anal:
Do not just stick a dick in a butt. Anal is about patience and many people have an awful first time. I cannot count the number of men who came in to ask, “How do I convince my girlfriend to do anal?” No. Start small, little plugs or fingers, and work your way up. Make sure things are relaxed and very very very like so very lubricated.
Do not. Ever. Numb your ass. Many products try to sell you on numbing your butt for anal. This is how emergency room trips happen. You need to listen to your butt, numbing it is how tearing happens.
Don’t rip out anal beads. I feel like it should be clear why ripping anything out of your body like you’re trying to start a chainsaw is a mistake but it bears repeating.
Butts. Will. Consume. Do not ever insert anything into your ass that doesn’t have a flared base. A flared base should have a perpendicular width of two inches to be safe. Don’t end up an ER horror story.
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I'm still seeing a lot of angry takes in the tags about how excessive Watcher's current costs are and how all fans really want, apparently, is "just shane and ryan sitting in a basement" back again. While I do think Watcher is probably spending over budget and that's a real issue, a lot of the takes I'm seeing show a fundamental misunderstanding of how video production works and where costs actually lie. So a few quick things that I just keep seeing that are bothering me:
It was never just Shane and Ryan in a basement. BFU did a great job selling that conceit and making sure you never saw anyone beyond them and maybe TJ, but they absolutely had other crew members with them on ghost hunts and they didn't do all the work on BFU themselves. This Q&A from Season 2 lists 36 people on staff for Buzzfeed Unsolved. It's fair to make arguments that Watcher may or may not need 25 people, but those arguments should not be coming from a place of "before it was just Shane and Ryan and nobody else."
If you don't know how many people are needed to make a professional video from a TV/film standpoint, you will not have a reasonable grasp of why Watcher wants to keep 25 people on staff. Sure, some YouTubers get by with a ring light and a contracted editor. The Watcher team have stated repeatedly that they do not want to work as just YouTubers and see themselves more as a production studio—so why do people keep referencing the YouTube model to understand their business? This is like asking the local shake shop why it doesn't function like the kids' lemonade stand down the block. The item category is similar but they're not trying for the same products or process.
The "gold dusted food" is not the big budget sink you think it is. On most TV shows I've worked on it's normal to partner with businesses that are shown onscreen and work out a deal where the price of the product (in this case the gold food) is reduced or eliminated in exchange for the free publicity. Watcher very likely made a deal with every restaurant it worked with to make the Korea trip affordable for the company. The real budget spends are on things you're probably not seeing but that still matter: camera and lighting equipment is expensive, insurance for that equipment is expensive, business overhead and paying your staff are expensive. So again—it's fine to critique Watcher for the streaming plan and the perceived budgetary issues, but go into this knowing the costs might not be coming from the things you see onscreen.
My source is that I work in TV and film and actually have a clue on how the industry functions. Again, 36 people worked on Unsolved (and those were the people mention in Season 2—who knows how big the team blew up past that in later seasons). Entertainment work is real work, and demands decent equipment, competent staff, and the same types of business and budget problems you'd find in any other business (overhead, staffing, etc.). Feel free to critique Watcher's business model, but first try to understand where that model is coming from and what goals it's attempting to serve.
#watcher#watcher entertainment#rant! sorry! couldn't see another take from someone who clearly thinks video work is just fun and games because “it's entertainment right”#funny how people expect normal business costs and problems for any other career but if it's involved with production they think everything#just magically happens and is made entirely by the onscreen talent. nutso#anyway i think watcher is probably trying its best; maybe got too overexcited; but cares about quality of life for its employees and#wants no one working to the bone. which is admirable! the streaming service was a bad idea but they're not the literal devil like some thin#they're 3 self described idiots doing this for the first time. they backpedaled. i don't see this as the death of the company & i'm gonna#keep supporting them :)
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TWST OC INTRODUCTION - TCOAV
Joel Bullion - Makings of Greatness
Name: Joel Bullion
Nicknames: Buzzbait, Thistle
Gender: Male
Pronouns: He/they
Sexuality: Aromantic Asexual
Birthday: November 30 (Sagittarius)
Age: 39 (In canon and AU)
Height: 6'2 or 188cm
Voice Claim(s): Jellzybelle
Twisted from: John Silver from Treasure Planet.
Unique Magic: "Rattle the Stars" Summons exactly that in the palm of Joel's robotic hand: a star. However, this is not just any star, this star's life flashes before your eyes, resulting in a controlled supernova. It creates a burning hot flash bang, with tremors forming cracks in the ground depending on the magnitude of the star itself. The explosion knocks enemies away from Joel. The size of the star dictates how much magic they will use, as well as how much blot he will accumulate. He is unsure what the maximum size of a star he can create is, but he does know that he has gotten dangerously close to overblotting while trying. In his current state, the blast is not deadly and primarily works to stun opponents or, at most, render them unconscious.
Grade: Teaches Freshman, Sophomores, and Juniors
Class: Teaches Culinary Crucible, Astrology, and Tech. Occasionally aids with Physical Education.
Hobbies: Treasure hunting, finding constellations, hiking, traveling, spelunking, deadlifting, cooking.
Likes: Pernil, old school tech, adventure novels, hard cash, or anything he can sell for gold really, pranking Ezra and Crowley, telescopes, planetary science, zodiac signs.
Dislikes: Grading (this man should not be a teacher), any dish with fish in it, sticklers, staying still, overt formality, the cold, humorless individuals.
Fears: Immobility, optometric illnesses, not amounting to anything, not living his life to the fullest, birds.
Summary: "Why does he even teach?" is a question that crosses the mind of almost every NRC student in one of Joel's classes. He's shameless, sarcastic, and finds entertainment in messing with students and staff alike. Teaching is only a side job for him, his real passions lie elsewhere. Nonetheless, he is highly skilled in a variety of subjects, making him indispensable.
He abuses that privilege, of course, taking the time to have as much fun as he can in what he calls a boring dump of a school and make sure everyone around him suffers for it. Though this usually just amounts to light teasing and pranks. They do not behave like an educator or mentor. He does not typically enjoy interacting with most of his students in a serious manner, and the ones they do enjoy talking with are treated more like casual, distant friends.
With the responsibility of teaching so many subjects heavy on their shoulders, he does make plenty of time to shrug it off to work on his true dream: getting as rich as possible. Now, now, there are plenty of figures at NRC who want that, yeah? But Joel wants the lottery. He wants to struggle, look high and low, and come out above everyone with something ancient, shiny, and, hopefully, covered in expensive jewels. Over everything and everyone, they enjoy the hunt of it. To the point where he values it above people and relationships. Hell, they'd fly to the moon to get it if they had to.
Outfit Inspiration
Author's Notes: JOEL. Ahhh Joel. I'll admit, this was harder to write compared to the others! Everyone else's development, personality, struggles, etc. came very naturally to me, while, with joel, I really had to sit and brainstorm for awhile. Though, I can now say that he has grown on me a lot, and I plan on giving him more of a role in TCOAV like Ezra! I have lots of plans for him! Old ass man <33 (affectionate, /j) this will probably be the last new TCOAV oc for a while! But just know, there will be more >:)
Tag list! v
@lowcallyfruity @kitwasnothere @distant-velleity @thehollowwriter @justm3di0cr3
@skriblee-ksk @cecilebutcher
#boopshoopsoc#twisted wonderland#twst oc#twst#disney twst#oc#oc art#original character#twst wonderland#boopshoopsart#boopshoopswriting#tcoav#joel bullion#fyi hello tag readers#joel is the one you ask about the cricket incident with ezra LMAOOO#oh he'll tell you all about it aight#wym its his fault PSHHHHH naaaaaaah#oc reference#digital art#digital drawing#art#artists on tumblr#character art#original character art#originalcharacter
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A yandere with a darling who is kinda worse than they are but are still into it.....I don't know how unhinged you'd have to be for the yan to be like "Are you ok? Like if you need to talk about it I've put listening devices in the vents but still..."
I didn't want this to go into compliant darling territory or the darling being the yandere for someone else (though I did laugh a lot at the idea of telling the darling that the vents are bugged just in case they need it lol that's a good one). But this somewhat brought me a kind of different idea which you probably didn't intend, but I hope you like it all the same!
Warnings: Yandere, Violence (Descriptive acts of murder, stabbing, punching other people, breaking bones, getting bloody, a lot of blood actually, burying bodies), Sexual Content (Mentioning of non-con, dub-con, taking advantage, doing it in the blood of victims and next to dead bodies), Mentioning of drugs, Mentioning of knives, Patient/Doctor relationships, Murderer/Admirerer relationships, Reader is a serial killer, Yandere captures people for reader to kill, Yandere is also mad but so is reader, Reader doubts yandere's reasons for liking them, Reader is genderneutral but gets lifted into a bridal-style at the end, I once again didn't compile these warnings while writing and editing so I might miss some, sorry :(, Mentioning of wanting to throw up, Reader doesn't actually want to get better, it was different but really fun to write, Long post?, I feel like there are more warnings... but I can't remember anymore, if you made it this far and still want to read it, I hope you enjoy it!
»»———————— ♡ ————————««
Click
You sighed, holding your head in your hands, arms squeezed between your torso and legs. Your head was throbbing with the headache of the century. One you hadn't had in a long time... like five days.
"You're a fucking dick, you know that?"
Groaning, you heard your own voice echo through your dizzy brain, nausea building as you felt like you were on a ship, everything moving unsteadily around you. The blinding lights flooding the off-white room didn't help soothe the feeling either, and your whole body kept tensing up, readying itself to throw up. You tried deep breaths, but they barely did anything. Not like they ever did something. You were too far gone for that.
"I did what was necessary," his voice rang out through the speaker in the top left corner, accompanied by the screeching of technical issues. You whined loudly, tearing your hair out as your head felt like it would burst. "My bad," he added, turning down the volume.
"What was it this time? Double the dose, triple? Must you keep drugging me? Some doctor you are..."
"I tried something new," he admitted, a cheeky grin in his voice.
"Worked great..." you slurred, listening to him chuckle.
For a while, you gave in to the need to collapse, putting your arm over your eyes to escape the lights while you thought about the last few things you could remember. Therapy was going well... at least that's what you were told. But the nurses—ugh. That one bitch.
"She did it on purpose," you mumbled, hearing the softest of agreement through the speaker. You knew that if it wasn't against regulation, he'd be sitting next to you, brushing your hair out of the way while you'd tell him your woes. He was that kind of sicko. A doctor, yet fascinated with you, his patient. Even though he merely sat behind the cameras, watching you, you could hear the sickening affection he held for only his favorite patient in every one of his words.
In a way, he wasn't that different from you.
"You beat her up real good, smashed her face in. Got yourself into a frenzy and just tore open all your stitches from your last fight while you were at it, you really..."
He sighed. He was disappointed. Upset. This was a significant setback for him, too, after all.
"She called me too stupid to ever recover properly and I was trying this time, really! How else should I have reacted?"
"You could have told me."
"And you would have dealt with her how?"
A brief chuckle rang out before he replied, although, had you been less delirious, you wouldn't have needed to ask. You knew what he did to people who behaved poorly with you. "I would have taken care of her, as always. You know you have my unending support."
You couldn't help a smile creeping over your face, the memory of burying the last nurse who bothered you in the asylum's cemetary resurfacing. Digging out the grave had been hard work, but you had to agree with him that the physical labor did wonders to soothe your ever-agitated mind.
"You're terrible," you mumbled, unable to hide your smile.
"Ah! There it is! Look at those little dimples! I'm glad my services are appreciated by my darling. I was hoping to take you out on a rendevous once the dust settles. Maybe we can do that sooner than I expected."
"Who'd want that, you sicko."
Groaning, you finally sat up, looking down at the cushioned floor while you adjusted to being awake. Standing took a few attempts; the cushions aligned along the wall, not actually graspable, even if they looked like it. Everything about the solitary cell was so safe, it made you feel helpless. But eventually you managed to get to your wobbly feet, sighing in exhaustion once you stood.
"There you go, breaking my heart," he sighed, and you shook your head with a laugh, knowing he didn't mean it.
"No straight jacket this time?" you asked, raising your arms and, for the first time since you awoke, realizing your movements were unrestraint.
"You weren't in a condition to restrain you. I prioritized your healing over that awful jacket."
"You just don't like it because it does nothing for my figure."
Again, you heard the grin in his voice as he said, "Busted. You're too cute to walk around constrained. Even though I love how crazy you look with it."
"Sicko..." you mumbled, your nickname for your doctor, endearing only in his ears.
Your limbs were terribly heavy as you moved them towards the door. Part of you wanted to collapse on the ground again; simply pass out where you were. But knowing him, he'd definitely use the opportunity to take advantage of you, especially now that he could get a video of it.
You didn't always mind what your doctor did to you. In a way, he was helpful even if everything you two did was against any laws in this country. If anyone knew what you two were getting into when no one was looking, you'd both be put down like rabid dogs. But that's just how you two were—feral.
The sicko kept telling you how he'd get you back on track. How he'd "fix" you just enough so you could go home with him. There was no way you'd consider living with him if you ever did get out. Still, he liked to paint the picture whenever he crawled into your bed while on night duty, hugging you and telling you about his ideas. You told him often enough that, given the chance, you'd kill him outside the safety of this institution, but so far... you hadn't.
You had enough chances, enough people he let you murder, watching you while you did it and helping you to hide the bodies once you were satisfied, but you never once turned the knife on him. Maybe it was because of his studies; perhaps he knew more about you than you about yourself. Or it was because he was just as insane. Fucking your patient in the blood of their victims was definitely not normal, even you knew that. So what other reason could he have for it except insanity?
"Earth to my darling, I repeat: Are you thirsty?"
You felt the heat spread over your face as you felt called out by his question, almost as if he was reading your mind. It wasn't like you two were lovers. There was no chance in hell you'd get together with someone like him—or anyone for that matter. You didn't want the burden of someone clinging to you while you did your dirty work.
But the sex after releasing all your pent-up anger? Out of this world.
Perhaps his doctorate was in fucking instead of psychiatry, but he knew how to work every part of his body. And he knew just how to get you in the mood, too. An explosive combination, mixing his lust with your madness.
That didn't change much about your feelings for him, though.
"I'm not," you muttered, trying to hide your face, which probably showed the embarrassment you felt, thinking of the last romp you two had. You tried the deep breaths again, but the thoughts kept popping back into your mind. Must be the drugs, you thought.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course!"
His excitement was loud and clear as it rang through the microphone, and you weren't sure if you should smile at it or sneer. For some reason, you both held each other in a tight grip, unable to be separated, yet most likely toxic for each other. But he still got excited over any kind of interest you had in him and you about all the things he did so you could live out your best life—even though you were locked away for a reason.
"Why me?" you asked, standing in front of the door, not looking up. Even if he was just the voice behind a camera at the moment, somehow, this question left a bad taste in your mouth. You didn't want him to see the conflict on your face; didn't want him to know that you were doubting how deserving you were of his favor. It wasn't insecurity, wasn't a need for reassurance, but how could anyone look at you and think, "That's the one!"? You killed people, went into violent rages, and weren't considered safe enough to be reintegrated into society, probably ever again. There was nothing you had to show for yourself. Nothing that could justify the feeling of adoration your own therapist held for you. Especially not he. He should have been one of the good ones. And you weren't. It made no sense to you why he'd behave like he did.
"Why you what?"
"Why do you like me so much? I mean, come on! I mean, look at us! We're batshit crazy! This isn't some romance movie on television, we're actually doing bad shit, and yet you keep shielding me, doing me favors, telling me you love me. I'm sure there are others out there who you can fix and fuck if you like. It's not like..."
Biting your own tongue, you wondered if it was the new drug combo he tried on you that made you feel especially irritated with his feelings that day. You let him do all this stuff to and with you, but now you were getting weirded out by it? It wasn't like you to get so worked up over him; you were more of the cool type, spitting-in-his-face-type if he pissed you off. You didn't even want to validate his feelings for you, but also... being self-aware enough to know you were a danger to humankind, you couldn't shake the feeling he might just be using you for his own sick desires. And that made you angry again. You'd not be a pawn or a means for no one.
Click
"Wow, okay, you bastard." Your grumbling fell on deaf ears as he turned off the microphone. "Sure, I'm going through something here, but by all means, stop listening. Not like it's your job or anything..."
Unprepared, you jolted back as the door to your cell suddenly yanked open, revealing the pitch-black corridor that lay behind. Apparently, it was late at night, but you couldn't focus on that as your doctor appeared from the shadows, a deep frown etched into his beautiful face. He should have been a model. At least that job wouldn't have led him to meet you.
"Do you doubt me?" he asked, stalking forward, undeterred by the open door, not thinking for a second that you'd try to escape. "Do I need a reason to love you for you to believe it?"
He caught your chin between his fingers, tilting your head back as he matched the steps you were taking backward. Soon, you'd run out of space to back into, but perhaps that was his goal.
"Can't I just love you because the first time you caved in and told me about the things you went through, things just felt... right? Everything just clicked in my head, and I thought, "Wow, I want to see them happy!" Must there be any other reason for me to love you?"
Your back hit the wall just as his eyes lowered to your lips, his thumb reaching up to brush over them. "I dream about those lips. I can't help but think about you no matter where I go. In the evening, I imagine you curled up on the couch next to me; sometimes, I hear your laugh when you aren't even there. I want that picture-perfect life with you, but the moment I step into your room and see you covered in blood, your eyes showing just how far gone you are, it just..."
He looked up again, his eyes swirling with all the emotions he tried to convey in his words. But when he met your gaze, the color drained, leaving behind what you could only describe as pure, unfiltered madness.
"It drives me insane."
His second hand raised to the side of your face. He cupped your cheek in his palm for a moment, a soft smile creeping over his lips. "I like you like this. Docile, calm, sweet. I like it when you ask me things, I like it when you beg for something. I like it when you only let me do things to you. I want to help you, I do! But..."
His hand sliding down, you looked away, trying to catch it before it slipped around your throat, pressing into it, squeezing so hard you felt as if your head was going to detach from your neck.
"I want to ruin you. I want you worse, I want you deranged. I want you to kill everyone and then me, so I'll be the last of your victims, the only one you remember. I want to be ruined by you so badly that every day, I hope you tell me about yet another staff member we get to kill, and then you can use me to satisfy your needs. Can't you understand? This is love. No one will ever love someone like you, but. I. do. I understand you, I care for you. And I will continue to do so, with no other reason than I love you. I love you so much."
You gasped for air at this point, fingers grabbing his arm. It was hard listening to him, but it was harder to breathe. You knew he wouldn't kill you. This was nothing compared to other things you two did to each other. It stung a little when he said no one else would ever love you, but he was right. Not unless the change everyone expected from you was also something you wanted.
But why would you?
The pressure on your throat disappeared, only for your breath to be stolen by his kiss. You hated this man. You hated him because he was a little bit too much like you. Too unhinged to be likable. And at the same time, he wasn't at all. He was too supportive, too nice, too forgiving. It disgusted you, honestly. Yet, you reciprocated, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. Before he could back off, you caught his cheeks in a squeeze between your fingers to draw him back to lick off the red fluid, reminding him he wasn't the deranged one here.
"Don't question me again about my feelings, please," he asked, out of breath, too, as he bumped his forehead against yours. "I love you, I really do."
"You're a sicko, you know that? And your beard is stinging me, you should shave."
At this, he laughed out loud, raising his head to the ceiling. "I spent three days waiting for you to wake up. You can deal with some stubble."
"No, I don't like it."
Grinning, he lowered his face to you and gave you another peck on the lips. "It's gone tomorrow, I promise."
"Can I go back to my room now?"
He hummed thoughtfully before shaking his head. "Someone's awaiting their punishment still. You really want to miss out on that?"
Now it was your turn to grin as well. "Aww, you shouldn't have! Are we gonna cut up that bitch now? For real?"
"Anything for you," he mumbled, raising your hand to give it a quick smooch. "But let me change your bandages first. I don't want you to accidentally get sepsis if your wounds are still open."
"Surprisingly, you're still a doctor at heart."
"That's not true," he gasped, feigning indignation about your statement.
"Are you not?" you asked, watching him bend down to pick you up, bridal-style even. You weren't mad since your legs felt even weaker than before, and you really wanted to conserve your energy.
"I'm afraid it's no longer medicine that has claimed my heart."
He looked at you, smiling softly. "It's all you."
"And I can't help but love you more, realizing I am becoming more like you every day."
#yandere doctor#yandere!doctor#yandere therapist#yandere!therapist#yandere#yandere imagines#yandere headcanons#yandere scenarios#yandere fanfiction#yandere writing#yandere stories#yandere oneshots#yandere oneshot#yandere drabble#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#Yandere TW
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(Other than the really weird bit about "Male presenting Doctor") what were your thoughts about the specials?
pretty mixed bag, pretty messy, but good overall. i think they were very obviously a nostalgia trip for people around my age lol and it worked! i loved seeing tennant and tate back onscreen together, their chemistry hasn't aged a bit, and honestly just watching doctor who that wasn't written by chris chibnall was a breath of fresh air. they weren't boring, like seasons 11 and 12 were, and they didn't go too far off the other end into nonsense like flux did. characters want things again! the show can let itself just be silly! i was literally cheering out loud when donna and the doctor were just saying random scifi gobbledegook at each other for like a solid several minutes during the star beast.
the structure of the specials kind of baffles me. i love wild blue yonder--i think it's definitively the best of the specials as a standalone, it's absolutely fantastic, creepy and atmospheric and bringing things around to RTD's strength, which is well-written characters interacting with each other and letting good actors just act. but at the same time i dont understand why it exists? it feels like...idk. imagine if you watched the star wars original trilogy but instead of the empire strikes back the middle film was just a feature length film about luke and han surviving on an ice planet with no reference to anything that happens in the last film except the two characters' relationship. and then the next film was still return of the jedi, unchanged. it felt like that
i liked all the weird campy silliness of the star beast and the giggle, and they were both very fun! neil patrick harris gave a fantastic performance, there are a lot of very memorable sequences from the giggle, but it's very very all over the place. so many threads get kind of picked up and go nowhere. the toymaker's haunted house dimension goes nowhere. RTD's eyerolling social media commetnary goes nowhere (thank god tbh but yknow im illustrating something here). even the toymaker kind of goes nowhere, after ncuti gatwa shows up he's bascially an afterthought who loses by dropping a ball. obvious parallels to david tennant's first episode with that ball scene could be made, but just... aren't. it feels like load-bearing sectikons of the plot and themes were cut out to make room for a backdoor pilot for the stupid fucking UNIT spinoff
oh and it goes without saying i fucking hate all the UNIT wank in the star beast and the giggle. i hope space nine eleven 2 happens to their stupid fucking avengers tower i cannot stand kate stewart who is constantly a murderous bonehead (in the giggle alone she gets two pepole killed by not listening to the doctor and assuming that this teleporting godlike entity could be restrainted by Two Guys) who is both in and out of universe just a boring nepo baby with no merit of her own
um. i still dont know what happened with the regeneration. i think the implication is that when david tennant dies hell time travel back to become ncuti gatwa inside himself--at least the rehab dialogue seems to make that implication. but it's not really explained or explored? baffling. i do think that fourteen getting to settle down and live a peaceful life with his friends is cute.
oh yeah and the ask said other than that but goddd there was some good stuff in the star beast and honestly with the state of the UK media i will take any perspective on trans people that includes baseline human erespect but some of those lines made me cringe so bad. anyway overall i am cautiously optimistic for the future of the show--oh ncuti was fucking great did i mention that i instantly bnought him as the doctor he owned the scene, the moment he was there it was clear he was the protagonist, and i liked the church on ruby road well enough too--i am cautiously optimistic but i worry that a big UNIT-shaped tumor will devour huge chunks of it and it'll be annoying. also russel t davies is like 60 and i just dont want to hear what he has to say about twitter so im not looking forward to dot and bubble
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paint the town red - part thirteen
TONY, PLEASE DON'T KILL YOUR FIRST DRIVER
series masterlist
"LECLERC I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW-" tony was cut off by hurried steps. the steps came to a stop at the front of the door, bianca and charles stood silent, hoping it was cause tony to go away. they prayed to every deity out there that it wasn’t a paparazzi or a hotel staff member.
"what on earth are you doing?" pepper potts' voice is heard asking tony. the couple on the other side of the door let out a breath they didn't know they had been holding in.
bianca and charles turned to frantically find a way out of their current predicament. they were trying to figure out what on earth they're supposed to do next. charles turns to look at bianca, "what do we do?"
"how am i supposed to know? i've never been in this position before? do i sneak out the window? what do i do?" bianca frantically asked.
"do not sneak out the window," charles said, "we're thirty stories up!"
"i got kidnapped by obadiah stane when i was a kid. i can easily get to my room from here," bianca paused for a moment, "and we are way higher than thirty stories."
"we don't have time to unpack that right now," charles said, "am i potentially going to die right now?" bianca shrugged, "what do you mean you don't know?!"
"LECLERC! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! OPEN THE DOOR!" tony shouted again.
"tony, calm down," pepper pleaded.
"CALM DOWN?! MY DRIVER HAS BEEN DEFILING MY BABY! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST CALM DOWN?!"
"ooh," a different voice is heard saying, probably harley, "you're dead tony," that had definitely been harley.
pepper is heard chuckling, "did you just yell at me?"
"no, i-" tony cuts himself off, "pepper, that- he- my baby."
"she is a grown woman anthony," pepper tells him.
"but he's a whore," tony rebutts, "my baby deserves better than that."
the door to charles hotel room opens, bianca and charles stand on the other side, both shocked. the ferrari team, tony, and pepper stand opposite of them. carlos looks close to tears from laughter, harley is holding him up, truly the only reason carlos hasn't collapsed. sebastian looks like he would rather be anywhere else then there, while isaiah looks constipated, but that could just be the hangover.
"i am not a whore," charles argues.
"anyone who dates my daughter is a whore unless proven otherwise," tony says nonchalantly, his gaze set on pepper. realization dawns on him, he slowly turns to look at charles, the monegasque freezes, "you."
tony launches himself at charles, before sebastian jumps to grab him, isaiah helping him. bianca pushes charles behind her, carlos and harley being no help. peter is simply watching the situation with wide eyes, while pepper rushes to pull her phone out, calling someone.
"dad," bianca begins, "think very wisely about what you're about to do."
"oh, i am thinking," tony says, "i'm thinking that i should be asking f.r.i.d.a.y. to bring my suit. i'm about to murder that- that- twink!"
"twink?" charles questions, cocking his head to the side, "what is a twink?"
harley snorts, "tony, you can't go around calling people twinks."
"sure i can!" tony argues, "he's a twink whore who defiled my baby!"
the sound of the elevator opening is heard, several footsteps come running down the hallway. the sight of tony being held back by sebastian and isaiah send bucky and sam into a fit of laughter. steve smacks both of their heads, causing them to calm down. with them are also yelena, natasha, and joaquin.
"great!" tony says spotting steve and bucky, "bucky, can i borrow your metal arm?"
bucky stares at tony, before staring back down at his arm, “i’m afraid to say yes. what are you going to do with it?”
tony turned to glare at charles, who is still partially hidden by bianca, “i’m about to pulverize a twink.”
sam quickly realizes what’s going on, “LECLERC! IT’S LECLERC?! OH I JUST LOST SO MUCH MONEY!”
joaquin laughs loudly, “I JUST WON SO MUCH MONEY!”
“i’m not giving you my arm so you can kill your 1st driver. i have been apart of enough murders against my will, ferrari’s golden boy will not be added to that list. i already have a president on that list.”
“you people have a so many issues,” isaiah muttered, before pausing, processing what bucky had said, "you killed a president?" bucky winked at him and isaiah began wondering which president it could’ve been.
“do you maybe think, you’re overreacting tony?” steve questioned, “it’s charles. you like charles.”
“i liked him better when he wasn’t sleeping with my daughter!” tony shouted.
“who said we’re sleeping together?!” bianca questioned.
“harry!”
“you two were in the same hotel room,” sam pointed out. bianca glared at him, “because we were drunk samuel! people who are dating take care of each other!”
“i would never do anything-” charles began but was cut off by pepper glaring at her husband, “since when do you believe a thing an osborn says?”
“this is not something that should be happening in the middle of a hotel hallway,” sebastian said, “maybe we could head inside?”
“yelena stop giving everyone a play by play! put the phone away!” natasha scolded as they headed inside charles’ hotel room. yelena scoffed, “the people deserve to know.”
suddenly the elevator dinged, alerting them to the presence of more people arriving soon. everyone froze, waiting to see who it would be. clint, alex, kate, lando, max, america, scott, and george all ran out of the elevator.
“don’t kill him!” lando pleaded, “he is but a man in love!”
“kill him,” max argued, “that puts him out of contention!”
“i can’t believe you would stoop so low verstappen,” kate muttered.
“oh shut up,” max argued, “you said you would enjoy watching charles get beat up by an old man pushing 70.”
“HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?!” tony shouted.
“old enough to live through the great depression?” america tried.
everyone stifled their laughter as tony made a sound of disapproval. tony turned to glare at charles, “i know you’re not laughing twink.”
“stop calling him a twink!” harley scolded the older man. tony rolled his eyes. bianca smiled politely at her dad, tony shook his head, “don’t give me that smile.”
“dad,” bianca tried, tony cut her off, “a driver? you just had to date a driver? you couldn’t go for an engineer or something? what about isaiah? he’s a great guy!”
“dad,” bianca tried again, tony once again ignored his daughter, "i mean seriously, anyone would've been better than my driver! you couldn't have picked like oscar? or logan? hell, i would've settled for max."
"i have a girlfriend," max pointed out. tony waved him off too, "or you could've gone for fernando. maybe jenson? or mick? or even lewis!"
"i'm pregnant!" bianca shouted. the room fell silent, before it exploded into a flurry of words and emotions, "i'm actually not but no will listen to me!"
"i'm about to die and you're making jokes?!" charles questioned, running around the room, being chased by tony, "i'm going to kill that monegasque twink!"
"why is he calling him a twink?" america asked, no one answered her question, being to occupied with trying to separate tony and charles. tony, who was currently trying to smother charles with a pillow while charles was trying to carefully throw tony off of him. carlos and harley were still in a corner of the room laughing as tears streamed down their faces.
"ANTHONY EDWARD STARK!" pepper shouted, causing the room to fall silent again, the only sound being carlos and harley's giggles. pepper marched towards tony, prying him off of charles, "you will leave that boy alone, sit down, and listen to what your daughter has to say," she turned to look at the crowd in the room, "as for the rest of you, all of you will get out!"
the small army that had been gathered in charles' hotel room quickly ran out, all of them pushing each other to try and get out of the room faster. pepper approached charles and helped him stand up, she quietly led him out of the room as tony sat on the couch.
charles stopped at the door turning around to stare at bianca, before turning to look at pepper, "will she be okay? he won't- he won't hate her, will he? for being with me?"
"oh," pepper quickly realised, "oh no, he won't hate her. tony's just- he has a flair for the dramatic. when it comes to any of his children he's quite over protective," she led charles out of the room without him realising it, "you should've seen him when he found out peter was dating mj."
the father and daughter duo sat quietly, one on the bed and the other on the couch. tony finally turned to look at his daughter, "why him? i don't mean why a driver, why charles? you could have anyone els-"
"i don't want anyone else," bianca cut her father off, "i'm happy with charles."
"bianca, it's charles."
"that's exactly why i want him, because it's charles!" bianca shouted at her father, "the same charles who texts me good morning and good night every day. the same charles who has memorized my coffee order, no matter how complicated it is. the same charles who begs for just a few more minutes of enzo’s cuddles with a giant pout on his face. the same charles who’s been asking me for weeks to tell you about us because he thinks i'm ashamed of him!"
“so why didn’t you?”
“because once i tell you that makes it real and when things are real people get hurt. i don’t want to get hurt, not again.”
“oh tesoro,” tony softly said, rushing to hug his daughter. bianca wrapped her hands around her father, crying as she told her father, “i don’t want to get hurt again.”
they sat there for what felt like hours, but was only minutes, "are you ashamed of him?" tony whispered.
"no dad, i think i love him."
"you think or you know?" tony questioned, "because if you think i'll give him crap for the longest time but if you know, i might learn to accept it. of course, i will give crap sometimes."
bianca looked up at her dad, eyes wide, tears falling from her eyes. tony swore she looked so much like the little girl she once was. the same little girl who cried when she accidentally crushed a worm or who cried watching marley and me. bianca always wore her heart on her sleeve but this it was difficult what she felt.
"oh," bianca whispered, "oh. dad i love him."
"and what are you going to do about it?"
"buy him a dog."
"what?" tony asked, "why would you get him a dog?"
"that's not important dad!"
"okay fine, get him the dog."
"dad," bianca said grabbing her dad's face, "i'm in love, be happier for me!"
"i'm happy for you, but i will pulverize that twink if he ever hurts you."
when i get my hands on you, you're fucking dead osborn.
is that a threat stark? i don't think daddy dearest would love to learn through the media that you're threatening me.
oh i bet you would just love that. but i know how to make you disappear osborn, you're own father would never even question it. don't fucking contact my father ever again.
maybe i should show charles what a psychotic bitch you are
that's psychotic to you? personally i would think it's the giant purple space man who loved shiny rocks but to each their own 🤷🏻♂️ - charles
you're both insane and you deserve each other.
bisous 😘 - charles
daniel ricciardo is he still alive? or did he get killed by tony stark?
lando norris as much as kate would've loved to see that, he's still alive.
max verstappen well as far as we know. when we left the room and he was still alive.
daniel ricciardo YOU PEOPLE JUST LEFT HIM THERE??
daniel ricciardo HE COULD GET PULVERIZED BY IRON MAN?
alex albon not pulverized but he did get called twink repeatedly.
oscar piastri charles got called twink by tony stark?
lando norris it was honestly hilarious.
charles leclerc i lived bitches!
charles leclerc thanks for having fucking confidence in me.
charles leclerc i can still hear you laughing carlos.
carlos sainz the highlight of my career
carlos sainz this was better than winning my home race.
george russell okay as hilarious as it was it wasn't that funny.
carlos sainz george you don't get to have an opinion. shut up.
max verstappen it was pretty funny.
charles leclerc I ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF IRON MAN!! STOP MAKING FUN OF ME ASSHOLES!
alex albon okay, twink, shut up. it was hilarious.
logan sargeant imagine getting beat up by a man in a coca cola suit.
lando norris why the hell does he get to make fun of the avengers?
logan sargeant I'M AMERICAN BITCHES!!
logan sargeant except for natasha and wanda. i'm actually terrified of them. and nick fury. they are very scary.
oscar piastri he gets special privileges because he's american.
daniel ricciardo i think the avengers might cry when logan gets a podium.
logan sargeant you bitches wish you could be supported by the avengers.
tony stark ALL OF YOU KNEW AND YOU SAID NOTHING??!!
peter parker i didn't know.
harley keener okay, in my defense, she said she would take my lab privileges away and you know how sacred those are to me.
isaiah atkins i just wanted to know how far those two would take it. same goes for seb.
carlos sainz it was funny to watch them scramble each times someone asked who they were dating.
ollie bearman harley kept dropping hints and i put the piece together
arthur leclerc i wanted to see my brother get pulverized by iron man.
sebastian vettel you told me, and i quote, ‘i don’t need her to tell me who it is, i’ll figure it out on my own. i’m a genius like that.’ so i didn’t tell you.
sebastian vettel you can only blame yourself for this anthony.
tony stark STOP! I CAN'T BE BLAMED FOR THIS SEBASTIAN!!
charles leclerc is this a safe space?
tony stark go away you twink.
isaiah atkins tony, you can't call him a twink.
tony stark i can in private. in public it's a different matter.
charles leclerc listen. i can deal with him calling me a twink.
bianca stark-potts father you will be nice to him or so help me i will tell mom.
ollie bearman does this make me their child??
arthur leclerc tony's going to kill him now because he's a grandpa.
harley keener tony, there had to be a reason enzo loved him so much.
tony stark I AM A GENIUS HOW THE HELL DID I NOT PUT THE PUZZLE PICES TOGETHER?
sebastian vettel clearly you're not as smart as you thought you were.
tony stark i can still fire you sebastian.
isaiah atkins do you know how many italians and tifosi you would piss off if that were to happen?
carlos sainz i'd quit.
charles leclerc so would i.
tony stark i could care less about you charles.
bianca stark-potts dad.
tony stark i mean, oh no charles, what would i do if my 1st driver left the team?
isaiah atkins i should've gone to mercedes when i had the chance.
peter parker I KNEW YOU WERE A BLOODY TRAITOR! YOU WOULD WORK FOR TORGER INSTEAD OF US?
isaiah atkins THIS PLACE IS HELL! T
isaiah atkins HE OWNER IS CONSTANTLY CALLING HIS 1ST DRIVER A TWINK! CARLOS IS ALWAYS FLIRTING WITH DEATH (NATASHA)
isaiah atkins AND CHARLES IS DATING BIANCA (SAID OWNER'S DAUGHTER)
isaiah atkins THIS IS HELL FOR ANY PR MANAGER!
joaquin torres PAY THE FUCK UP BITCHES!! I WAS SO RIGHT!!
sam wilson of course she had to go for the silly little monegasque man.
sam wilson YOU COULDN'T GO FOR THE AMERICAN OR A BRIT??
clint barton SHE'S DATING CHARLES?? WHY NOT FERNANDO??
queen shuri and how exactly did you people figure it out?
america chavez osborn told tony, who caused a scene at the hotel.
tony stark i did not cause a scene...
harley keener you called him a twink repeatedly. and threatened to bust out the suit to pulverize him.
scott lang honestly the signs were all there, it's on us if we didn't put them together.
bucky barnes the best part was when bianca nearly gave tony a heart attack by declaring that she was pregnant
tony stark that was not funny barnes
bianca stark-potts oh but the look on your face was hilarious.
america chavez i got excited i thought i was going to be a godmother.
wanda maximoff if anything i would be godmother.
peter parker well who gets to be godfather. it's me right?
kate bishop they have children what are you people talking about?
tony stark WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BISHOP?
yelena belova she is clearly talking about enzo and oliver. they are bianca and charles children.
harley keener funny, ollie said the same thing earlier.
bianca stark-potts add anthony jr to the list.
joaquin torres wait, are you actually pregnant?
bianca stark-potts look it's anthony jr!
tony stark what kind of ugly rat is that?
natasha romanoff aww he's adorable. is he for charles?
peter parker should i be getting my girlfriend a dog?
wanda maximoff she's an mit college student living on campus. a dog is not a good idea.
peter parker oh, maybe a snake or spider is a a better idea.
carol danvers do we need to remind you of what happened the last time you were near a spider?
cassie lang OH CAN I GET A DOG??
hope van dyne NO!
scott lang no freakin' way.
cassie lang booo!!
harley keener please tell me you were able to convince charles to name the dog anthony jr.
bianca stark-potts i haven't given the puppy to him yet, but i will try my hardest to get him to name the puppy anthony jr just to piss off my dad.
tony stark this is why i'll never like your boyfriend
steve rogers he's leading the championship and he is part of the reason why ferrari is constructor's champion. cut the guy some slack.
yelena belova so who won the bet?
wanda maximoff joaquin.
joaquin torres ALL OF YOU THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY! BUT I WAS FUCKING RIGHT!!
sam wilson he's never going to let this go. ever.
bucky barnes oh good. and i have a mission with him next week. i'm going to suffer.
america chavez i just don't think it's unfair that i wasn't allowed to bet
riri williams you knew who it was!
america chavez i still would've loved to win some money riri!
stephen strange this. this is my personal hell.
may parker so tony finally figured out who bianca was dating?
tony stark WAS THERE ANYONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW?!?!?!
happy hogan i didn't know
james rhodes i didn't think she was dating charles. i was confident it was lando.
peter parker i also didn't know.
may parker what gave it away was the monaco post.
tony stark HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT SEE IT COMING??
pepper potts tony, he's exactly her type. i don't know how you didn't see this coming from the start.
tony stark I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD HAPPEN!
bianca stark-potts dad, you said you would stop being so dramatic.
tony stark i said i wouldn't give charles anymore shit. i never agreed to stop being dramatic.
tony stark my oldest daughter is dating a driver. i'm allowed to be dramatic.
harley keener that was the highlight of my day. best choice i've ever made working for ferrari.
harley keener i've never seen tony turn that shade of red. it was glorious.
tony stark i'm telling nebula.
bianca stark-potts YOU ARE NOT TELLING YOU ASSASIN ALIEN DAUGHTER ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND! IT'S BAD ENOUGH NAT AND WANDA BROKE INTO HIS APARTMENT
tony stark NATASHA KNEW BEFORE ME? THAT'S BETRAYAL BIANCA!
tony stark i can be a dick to him all i want and no one can complain.
pepper potts anthony stark, you will be nice to that boy or so help me.
pepper potts he's a good kid and it could literally be worse. so please. shut up about it already.
tony stark but pepper
pepper potts anthony, that boy was terrified you would be upset with bianca for dating him. as i said, he's a good kid, stop worrying.
may parker well, i managed to get time off for texas so i expect to meet the boy there.
james rhodes pepper's right, it could be worse, she could be back with harry.
happy hogan you do realize this is the exact reason she never told you.
tony stark all of you are against me.
bianca stark-potts you're so dramatic dad. this is why i didn't tell you in the first place.
i may have done something rash and i need your help.
once, again. i am not helping you hide harry's body if you've killed him. i wouldn't survive in jail.
he's still alive.
unfortunately.
okay, so what did you do? and does it involve anything illegal?
why do you automatically assume i did something illegal? i can do things legally!
well did you do something illegal? also, i’ve met harley
well between us harley is the idiot not me. he’s the one who decided it was a genius idea to send peter after the former us president.
bianca, what did you do?
i got another dog. he's so little that i'm afraid enzo might crush him.
mon chou, he's adorable but what does that have to do with me?
do you want him? if you can't then i'll give him to someone else or even morgan.
she's been asking dad for a dog. apparently the llamas aren't enough for her. it also doesn't help that kate has pizza dog.
kate named her dog pizza dog?
his name is lucky but he loves pizza so we call him pizza dog.
CAN I HAVE HIM?
okay, here's the truth, he was originally he was for you but i chickened out so i told you a lie.
oh mon dieu. i get a puppy??
oh i could seriously tell you i love you right about now.
do it.
i dare you.
i will. i swear.
liked by biancastark_potts, michellejones, cassie_lang and others
charles_leclerc the best present i could ever receive.
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username now who gave you that dog mr.eclair?
↳ username i think the better question is who's hand is that mr. eclair?
username HE'S A DOG DAD GUYS!!
maxverstappen1 cats are still better. make sure your girlfriend knows that.
↳ charles_leclerc she wants me to let you know that you're wrong. she's ready to fight you.
↳ maxverstappen1 tell her we'll settle this on the track in baku.
↳ harleykeener LMFAO!! YOU'RE GONNA LOSE VERSTAPPEN!! YOU SHOULD BE USED TO THAT BY NOW!!
username oh how cute 🥰
username charles leclerc becoming a dog dad in 2024 was not on my bingo card but it is so fucking adorable.
harryosborn hmm. seems familiar
↳ biancastark_potts i will fucking drop kick you osborn.
↳ peterparker i will tie you to the red bull garage. i learned that threat from isaiah!
↳ harleykeener i will send the cavalry after you bitch. fuck off.
cassie_lang oh do tell what is the adorable pooch's name.
↳ charles_leclerc undecided, it's all depending on how much i want to live.
↳ tonystark leclerc i swear to god.
landonorris you win the constructors championship and your girlfriend gets you a dog. it's not fair, i want a dog.
↳ alex_albon then go adopt one lando
↳ landonorris it's not the same alex.
michellejones i've been informed of what the calvary planned. i vote you name him leo anthony, to upset tony.
↳ charles_leclerc it's not like he can kill me without being the main suspect. leo anthony it is.
↳ joaquintorres THE CALVARY WINS!
↳ tonystark if charles goes missing, it wasn't me.
↳ pepperpotts anthony. behave.
↳ tonystark yes ma'am
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¡leclerc-s speaks!
i love just randomly throwing in taylor swift references.
¡disclaimer!
this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!
#leclerc-s#paint the town red series#f1 instagram au#f1 x oc#f1 oc#f1 smau#f1 social media au#f1#formula one#f1 fic#formula 1 fic#f1 x female oc#charles leclerc x female oc#marvel social media au#f1 x marvel crossover
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⋆⭒˚.⋆ late nights, city lights | CHOI YEONJUN
⟢ neighbour!yeonjun x gn!reader
⟢ drabble; comfort, fluff
⟢ after a long day of unpacking, you thank your neighbour for suggesting you take a break while he introduces you to the city you're about to call home.
⟢ wc: 999
⟢ warnings: reader already has a lil crush, a little collision, yeonjun perhaps takes an interest in reader; interpret that as you will :>
⟢ a\n: requested by @blackhairedjjun <3 added details! 'reader just moved to the city on their own & is nervous and excited at the same time about starting their life over there, yeonjun as the cute next-door neighbor at their apartment who the reader hits it off with' I was so excited to write this because I already had some thoughts floating in my head from the prompt :> I had fun writing this one, I hope you like it!
the last cardboard box was finally emptied, only setting aside the contents of it to organise later on, before flattening out the box and shoving it on the pile by the front door. you managed to wake up incredibly early to unpack everything, so all you had left to do was organise things in the next few days before being able to settle in fully.
moving out was hard. but you finally moved out and it was something you had been wanting to do for the longest time now. you had your new job to thank as well as your friends who suggested you take this new chapter in life, hoping to start afresh.
you let out a tired sigh looking at all the flattened boxes you're still yet to dispose of, but just thinking about the trips you'll have to make coming up and down the apartment complex seemed to burden you already. but you're gonna have to get moving since it's already late in the night.
you shove as much flattened boxes into one that's still open, opening your door and picking up the box only to drop it after colliding with what seems to be one of your neighbours. great. you scold yourself before checking on your neighbour to apologise.
"oh gosh I'm so ... sorry." your voice trails quietly when you see a guy of a tall and lean build, long hair and taking off his headphones to hang from his neck before scurrying to help with the cardboard that fell out.
he chuckles, and you nervously laugh with him.
"long day?" he asks and you simply nod, gathering the boxes and holding onto them instead of giving them back to you. he saw the rest of the boxes by your door, and ultimately you pick up on his intentions. "I'll help you with these."
"oh this is embarrassing, the first time I see a neighbour and you're already doing something for me." you worry but you're still thankful all the while.
"don't worry, honestly, it's not a problem. it's about time I met the new neighbour." he says simply, letting out a pretty smile that's just as contagious as his laugh. "I'm yeonjun by the way, my flat's just on your right."
you give him your name and mentally take note of his flat number to make sure you greet him whenever you bump into each other. "again, sorry for stumbling into you, I haven't left the apartment since I got here."
he notices your timid smile and a thought crosses his mind.
"how about you grab a jacket and after we throw these out I'll show you around the city nearby." he suggests, raising his brows in anticipation of your answer.
of course, it doesn't take much convincing since you hadn't had time to explore yet.
"wait, really?" you watch him nod in your direction with full enthusiasm and it just makes it easier for you to feel at ease.
surprisingly, you realised you'd probably knock on his door one way or another to ask where to throw out the boxes, forgetting where to throw them out, but this was a lot easier and less daunting than having to knock on a door late into the night.
yeonjun was truly one of the most down to earth people you've ever met in a long time. his calm nature of making you feel welcome to the city, him walking on the pavement closest to the road while you both walk and converse down the quiet streets of the city.
the lights were bright as ever, thinking that it'd be busy at this time of night until yeonjun told you about which days are usually roaring at night and which ones are a little quieter.
surprisingly, your new neighbour took you to one of the 24/7 convenient stores nearby for some ice-cream. the nights were getting warmer and the jacket was just a precaution. it was becoming hoodie season and it had you observing yeonjun's outfit; an oversized graphic hoodie with wide leg denim shorts that looked like a long skirt. his style was appealing for what counts as 'casual' clothing. you even took a candid picture of him while he was looking up where else he should take you at this time of night.
then within an hour of wandering around, yeonjun took you back to the apartment complex and onto the rooftop where you were able to see the skyscrapers and occasional lights from vehicles beelining their way around the city.
"so, what do you think so far?" yeonjun's voice was a little hoarse, the both of you gazing over the pretty lights below.
your lips turn into a tight-lipped smile, pondering on your first few thoughts about your first night wandering around, even if it was spontaneous and only for an hour.
"I could get used to this." you lean your elbows on the ledge, smiling to yourself.
you were proud of yourself for finally doing what you've been longing to do, even after some people doubted you before. it didn't stop you when you had the right support system to encourage you every step of the way. and now you have yeonjun too.
said male turns his head towards you, a gentle smile crawling on his lips while he scans the relief beaming on your face.
"I can always show you around again." he suggests, "like we can explore during the day. but I don't mind wandering around at night again."
you hum in agreement. there was something so soothing about being in his presence, but also comforting knowing that he was already so open to helping you settle into this new part of your life.
"thank you, yeonjun. I really appreciate this." you turn to look at him too, eyes locking a little longer than you have the past hour. you have a good feeling that this friendship will be a good one.
this is gonna be a good one.
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#bhj ᡣ𐭩#blackhairedjjun ᡣ𐭩#[ 🧸 ] — mutuals.#smiles' slumber party#yeonjun x gn reader#yeonjun fluff#yeonjun comfort#yeonjun scenarios#yeonjun imagines#yeonjun drabbles#txt fluff#txt comfort#txt x gn reader#yeonjun x reader#txt x reader#txt scenarios#txt imagines#txt drabbles
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Typical Day For a Bouncer
I'm Joey, a security guard at a night club down the street. I got the job because I'm a big ex-rugby player, but I've kept it for so long because I'm good at handling people. I can't tell you how many underage idiots try to sneak in here. It takes patience, grit, and a keen eye to keep the troublemakers out!
Like any other Friday night, the club is packed tight and a line of impatient patrons stretches down the street. I've gotten good at telling people "no," in a way that makes them listen, so they have no choice but to calmly wait until I feel like checking their ID and letting them in.
Every now and again, I'll have some fools try to sweet talk their way in. Girls try to flirt, guys try to bribe, but the biggest assholes make a scene. It's nothing I can't handle.
Just last week, I had this entitled brat come up to me and demand I let him in. The boy couldn't have thought I'd believe he was twenty-one. He wasn't even in line! I don't remember what I did to get him to shut up, but he kept hammering on and on about his skills with hypnosis. I remember listening to that kid ramble about the voodoo of the mind for what felt like forever.
I don't remember kicking him to the curb, though. He probably got tired and went home.
"Hey, buddy!" a familiar voice squeaks over the music. I roll my eyes, preparing myself to say no yet again.
"Oh, it's you," my deep voice catches in my throat. The kid from last week is standing in front of me once more, ignoring the line of adults to his left. In his ratty sweatshirt and baseball cap, he doesn't look any older than eighteen. Still, the sight of him unlocks a memory I somehow had forgotten. "Hello, sir!" I call back, remembering him as my closest and most respected friend. How could I've forgotten that this boy was my best friend I call sir?
"You gonna let me in, big guy?" A devious grin spreads across his boyish face.
"Of course, sir."
There are a few angry comments from the people waiting in line. I can't imagine they're happy to see this guy ushered into the club before them. Normally, I have a strict policy against VIP treatment. I think everyone should have to wait in line like equals, but sir is great. He can come and go whenever he wants!
"Hey, why don't you take a break from the front and buy me some beers," the boy yells over the roar of the music.
I leave the entrance and start pushing my way through the crowd in the direction of the bar. I probably should've warned the other bouncer that I was taking a break, but my feet were carrying me away before I knew what was happening. The other guard knows what he's doing, but he's still pretty new here. I'm sure he'll be fine.
The bartender gives me a can of light beer, and I hustle it back to the boy on the dance floor. People tend to get out of the way when they see a giant security guard coming through, but the place is so jammed packed that I have to press against several sweaty partiers on the way over.
"Your beer, sir," I say, flinching at the meekness in my voice.
"What the hell is this?" he whines when he sees the drink, "This is crap. Get me the good stuff, and buy a lot of it!" The kid tossed the open can at my broad chest, and the cheap beer splashes across my uniform.
"Yes, sir."
I march back to the bar with a clenched fist, and grab a tray, ordering the barback to fill it up with the more expensive bottles of beer. He glances at my soaked shirt and pants, but averts his eyes the second he sees my less-than-friendly face.
That boy is my best friend. I respect him greatly, but goddamn is he infuriating. How did I even become close to someone so immature? I pacify myself, and carry the tray back over to the kid.
"That's better," he snorts and takes a sip of the premium drink while I stand there to make sure he likes it this time.
"Alright, sir," I begin, thinking about the twenty minute break I've been taking, "I need to get back to work."
"No you don't!" the boy interjects.
"I..." the words fumble in my mouth, "...well, I don't need to, but I should, sir."
"Tell your boss you're done for the night. Then go wait by my car. You can guard it!"
"Yes, sir," the words come out before I even know what I've agreed to.
Before I know it, I'm marching into the back office and calmly telling the club owner that I'm taking the night off. He's pissed, but I'm his most reliable employee, so he doesn't fire me. I can tell he's not happy, though. He looks like he'd take a swing at me if I weren't two feet taller than him and a hundred pounds heavier.
"You make a great watchdog!" the teenager laughs as he comes stumbling out of the club.
Something about him brings a scowl to my face. It might be the way he referred to me as an animal, or it might be the way he's staring at me like I am an animal. Maybe I'm just irritated from standing by this parked car in the cold for the last two hours, but this boy is getting on my nerves.
"No one has bothered your car, sir," I report.
"Good, boy," he slurs and then reaches a gangly arm to pat the top of my head. I can smell the distinct earthiness of the beer I'd bought wafting out with his breath.
Every muscle in my body tenses up, as I try my best to restrain myself. Sir is my best friend. I respect him. I do what he says. I shouldn't get this worked up by him making a little joke at my expense. It's perfectly fine for him to tease me a little since I trust him completely. I know all this.
"Still think hypnosis is fake?" he asks, bringing his wet lips uncomfortably close to my own.
"Sir?" my brow furrows, unsure why he's bringing up that crap again.
"Well, it's real, and you're hypnotized."
I stifle a groan, "Sir, you've had a lot to drink..."
"The only thing I'm drunk on is power!" he yells, smashing a bottle on the sidewalk for effect, "I've got you like a trained dog; that's how good of a hypnotist I am! Let me prove it."
I was pissed. I was livid. Sir had mocked and insulted me repeatedly. It was a bad idea for anyone to pick on me, especially someone a third of my size! Nevertheless, the boy has all my faith, so I kept my mouth clamped shut.
He told me to kneel, and I grunted, "Yes, sir." I already had beer all over my clothes, so what's a little mud on the knees of my pants? It was better to just keep him happy, but that didn't mean he had hypnotized me.
"Keep your arms raised, like you're worshipping me," he went on.
"Yes, sir."
My arms went up. I'll admit this was a bit more strange, but I still trust and respect the teenager enough to comply. That doesn't say anything about my state of mind.
"Alright, now stay like that until I come back," he laughs, "I'm going to get a snack, but if anyone walks by, I want you to bark at them like the hypnotized guard dog you are!"
"Yes, sir," I answer, hearing the hoarseness in my voice.
As the boy stumbles away, I find myself stuck in the position he'd left me in: on my knees, in the cold, with my arms raised in compliance. I'm doing this willingly, right?
Time creeps by uncomfortably slow as I silently wait next to his car. Suddenly, I hear footsteps nearby. A wave of barks burst out of my throat, and I find myself growling like a territorial mutt in the direction of the pedestrians.
Now I'm acting like a dog!
Sir doesn't come back for another hour, which leaves me to viciously snap at numerous other passerby. They seem terrified, which makes sense. They probably think I'm insane! I'm beginning to wonder if I'm insane too.
I respect that boy more than anyone even if I only met him once, a week ago. I really would do anything he told me too. Is that strange? It's not like me to be so...obedient. I'm the kind of guy that normally tells people what to do, so why am I doing this?
There's no way...it's not possible...I can't actually be hypnotized, right?
"Good, boy," he pulls off my cap and ruffles my hair, "Now, be a good dog and drive me to your house. I might fall asleep on the way there, so you'll have to carry me inside to your bed. If you do good, I'll give you a special treat." He licks his lips and reaches a scrawny hand out to squeeze my tired pec.
"Yes, sir," I answer, jumping up to do his bidding, but I can feel that the words aren't really mine.
Shit. I think he's right. I think I am hypnotized.
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Just Business?
Pairing: Alastor x Carmine!Reader
Part 2 to this imagine
Technically Part 3 if you wish to include these headcanons
Requested by @lokis-imaginary-friend: If you’re not averse to it I had a thought while reading this….what if y/n overheard this conversation and feels as though she’s being treated as a transaction. Idk I could just see some angst coming from this for y/n followed by whatever fluff you come up with.
Additional tags: @martinys-world
Fluff will come in a later chapter (hopefully). Enjoy!
You walked home with a spring in your step. You were happy to find the perfect set of pajamas for your boyfriend. Alastor didn't require much sleep, based on the nights you spent together and he'd spend most of them watching you, lurking among the swamp in his room, or tending to the hotel. Regardless, you knew he wanted to look his best even at more casual hours like bedtime. It was great then that you found the red silk pajamas that were perfect for him, especially since you found a matching robe that reminded you of his regular attire.
It'd been about six months since you'd been together and things were going well. Now that things were public too, you enjoyed your time more freely. The fact you two were going out interested many people, with gossip of it being all over the news. Thankfully, the paparazzi weren't stupid enough to film your dates. They must've heard the screams of that one photographer who was bold enough to sneak a photo of you on a picnic date by the Lake of Fire. Alastor was sure to broadcast his torment over a rendition of La Vie En Rose as a reminder not to intrude on your alone time.
You knew the kind of man/demon Alastor was before you became a couple. You heard the stories as well as his broadcasts. You were there during the sudden disappearances of various overlords and how it coincided with said broadcasts. No sane sinner would want to risk getting involved with someone like him. Due to how more curious than afraid of him you were and how touched and important you felt whenever Alastor threatened others who disrespected you, you had an inkling that your sanity wasn't all there. That was okay with you; you were already in Hell.
Your mother approved of him as did your sisters, which resulted in another reason you grew to love him. He enjoyed spending time with your family, too, judging from how he'd come to dinner, joke with Clara and Odette, and share light pleasantries with Carmilla. You could see they were really warming up to him and vice versa.
You might not have tamed the beast, but it certainly amazed you how much of him you got to have for yourself. It was almost too good to be true.
You were finally home after spending some time at the mall. You don't know why your mother needed you out of the house but you didn't question it. She was sometimes wary of those who did business with the family and would rather let herself handle things. If she was still talking with them, you'd do your best to sneak into your room.
Upon entering the manor, however, you heard your mother say some things that made your ears perk up:
"You won't do anything unless you know it'll benefit you. It's why you're with my daughter in the first place, right?"
Her daughter? Who exactly was she talking about, and to whom?
Her voice was coming from the library it seemed. You did your best to creep over and stood outside to hear more. What came next was certainly a shock:
"Y/N is quite a lovely lady with a certain sweetness and intelligence that I find endearing. If she so happens to come from a powerful family, then who am I to not want to get closer to someone who can mean a lot to me?"
You felt sick to your stomach just then. What was that; did you hear that correctly? He made it sound like you were just a pet to him - a mere plaything with a purpose.
A humiliating desire to cry swept through you, along with a small hope that your mother would put him in his place. She wouldn't take someone using her daughter lightly.
"If I were you, I'd do the same, I suppose,"
Now that's what brought out the tears.
What the hell was going on?
"You'll continue to treat her well. You'll continue to meet her, talk with her, and if it gets to that point, marry her."
Breathing became difficult as this unexpected betrayal weighed on your broken heart. Was this all just a plan between Alastor and your mother? Was this all a big matchmaking con that would lead to good benefits for them?
"You're smart enough to know that you should treat this like any other transaction."
You never thought your mother would have the gall to sacrifice your happiness for business purposes. She was always the type to lay her life on the line for you and your sisters. She did just that during the last Extermination Day when facing a team of Exorcists. To hear that the woman you grew up admiring treated you like a piece of property was too much to handle.
Let's not forget about Alastor! You actually believed he cared about you. Were all those times you went out on lunch and dinner dates, spent time with each other's loved ones, and shared intimate dances just part of a ruse to get you to fall for him? The fact you were nothing but entertainment with benefits saddened and embarrassed you because what everyone said about him was right.
You were right; this was all just too good to be true.
You now were fueled with anger and decided to use it to confront the two traitors.
"A transaction?"
Upon hearing your voice, Carmilla and Alastor turned towards the doorway where you stood defiantly with the Carmine glare on your face. Your normally well-composed mother expressed more worry than you ever saw her with. Meanwhile, Alastor kept his large grin as usual, but you could tell he was shocked due to how big his eyes were, and it almost looked too painful for him to smile.
"Y/N-"
"Is that all I am to the two of you?" You asked, blinking back tears. "A business deal - just a prize to be won? Is that why you needed me out of the house Mom? To discuss my dowry?"
Carmilla's astonishment kept her from speaking. She wanted to explain that this was simply a way to assure you a good future if you continued things with Alastor and that no harm would come to you, but she was at a loss for words seeing how betrayed you looked.
"And you Alastor!" You rounded on him next. The man you loved for half a year but now don't even know what to make of him. He's practically a stranger now. "I knew you weren't a saint, but I didn't think you'd stoop so low as to only date me for my family. I can't believe you'd use me like that!"
"Y/N," he began, getting out of his seat to go towards you with more emotion than you ever saw him, even with his smile remaining. "Sweetheart, you misunderstand -"
"You saw me as nothing but a prize," you uttered quietly, backing away from him with your head down. "You already have connections to the throne, so it's best to protect it with your connection to the biggest collection of weapons in Hell, right?"
His silence spoke to you more than any clever words he could conjure up for you. His silence spoke the truth.
You didn't stay much longer, especially since neither could bother to give you a proper response. You ran out of the house, ignoring their pleas to stay. You needed to get away and reflect on everything.
Alone.
#alastor x reader#alastor x you#alastor imagine#hazbin hotel alastor x reader#alastor fanfiction#hazbin alastor x reader#imagine#request#sequel fic#carmilla carmine#x reader#angst#carmine!reader#hazbin#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel alastor
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🪨Venture (OW II) x (gn) reader headcanons⛏️
(Start of Romantic Relationship Pt. II Edition!)
(Not my picture!)
(Not much to say at the moment, hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!)
(Pt. I) (Pt. III)
- Ok so, in comparison to the more common outdoor dates, indoor dates are just as eventful, especially movie dates.
- Alright so, I think out of the other genres, horror is their favorite out of the bunch, with an emphasis on the older and more dated ones. The ones with folklore and culture references being an all time favorite.
- After all, folklore is a kind of history that can give a person insight into the life and tribulations people from different periods and eras had to deal with.
- Anyway, I believe Sloane loves to just overanalyze these kinds of movies, having to restrain themselves from doing so while you two are still watching the movie.
- Has an obvious love for the Mummy movies, you’d have to pry that from my cold, dead, and mummified hands.
- As much as they love it, they still get a bit miffed about inaccuracies that seem so obvious to them. You have to remind them that movie people don’t exactly care for such things as passionately as they do.
- It doesn’t stop at folklore themed movies, or even the horror genre, I mean movies in general are parts of history solidified in amber to them, and they reasonably like indulging in them.
- They especially love to be doing it with you, an arm wrapped around your shoulders, teaching circles onto the skin of your arm as they shove popcorn into their mouth.
- Avid popcorn lover, eats up most of it the second they get their mitts on the bowl. Make sure they get their own bowl because they can and will try to gobble it all up.
- Thinks they’re slick with it too, like goes and kisses your head as they take a healthy handful from your bowl, shoveling it into their mouth hastily, and proceeds to laugh with a full mouth as you smack them on the chest when you realize what they did.
- Besides that, there are also other activities, for example, Lego dates, specifically making things like Lego bouquets.
- Considering you both might not have the time to tend to actual plants if you’re both either in Overwatch or as archeologists, legos are a nice stand-in.
- The overall idea of them never wilting or needing to be thrown away is plus as well!
- They may get distracted more than once, lose a couple pieces, but the end product is generally sound and looks mostly like the image on the box. They’re so proud of themselves about it too.
- Yet another thing they’re proud of, a vase they made at a pottery class date you guys decided to do just because.
- It’s another way for them to talk about the history of pottery and the use of clay, getting too caught up with what they were saying more than once.
- In the end they were able to produce a vase, a bit misshapen but nice and sturdy.
- It becomes the vase you guys use for the Lego bouquet. Yet another way to remember those moments between the two of you.
- They’re used to doing things that take physical exertion, but will always have a great time while dating you, being able to share anything and everything that loosely reminds them of that particular situation.
- In a nutshell, every date can be extremely fun for the two of you, which only solidifies the connection between the two of you and the desire to have you as a permanent staple in their life.
(Hope I'll be able to conjure something else for the first kiss and beginning relationship pt. III!)
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What just bothers me simply about the discussion of TTPD being all so great is neither the fact that some reviewers literally ignore some of the very gruesome lyrics this album has to offer nor the fact that the whole album has the same tune and I could not tell apart these tracks even if I wanted to, no. After all, we can always argue that tastes are different... arguably. It's something utterly different that's bothering me.
It's three things entirely different.
1) The fact we pretend 31 break-up tracks, written entirely out of the perspective of victimhood, of some love stories are worth calling "The Tortured Poets Department". Mind you, Swift, I like love songs, I like break-up songs, I like them poetically, I like when they touch me. But writing 31 break-up songs (not entirely, right, more like 25 or so) for one album makes me wonder if there is anything deeper... more touching to write about. You stay on the surface describing relationships (romantic as well as parasocial) in which you come out as a victim. But the self-reflection is missing entirely. And if I learned one thing in language classes it's that it's poetically dull if we only ever stay on the surface. We gotta dig deeper. And I'm not referring to some poetic lines to make a song sound more beautiful. I'm talking about true depth, true self-reflection, something that makes you defenseless. Cause all this woman does is writing songs out of the perspective of defense - and victimhood. Never does she actually draw herself as defenseless or vulnerable, always knowing how to use the right words to make her fans defend her.
2) Which leads me to that other thing that really bothers me. Her PR team was more involved in this album than the persona of Taylor Swift could ever be. Or maybe Taylor Swift is only PR at this point. Maybe there is no actual person behind all of this. Cause if there's one thing that's utterly apparent, it is that this album hinges SOLELY on any media drama she was involved in. Everyone out there trying to decipher which song is about whom - is this storytelling? Is this poetry? If I only care about songs and judge them by who they are about? The beauty of music is that it binds people together, makes people feel heard or seen through the text and voice of another person. What she's doing isn't that. She is not binding people together by selling her songs as something that could happen to anyone, no, all of it is always only about one person's story - her own. She also doesn't create fictional stories to write about, things to further the limits of our imagination and tell a story that doesn't even exist, and never will. She doesn't use imagination, she doesn't try to connect to other people, she's trying only to connect people to HER. Can this album even be judged neutrally if everyone just knows about her relationships and is guessing who the songs are about? Is there one person out there like "I have never seen any of the TS relationship drama and the like, and I only like to review this album lyrically and sonically by the lyrics and tune within"? Because she is SO present in everyday media press, it is impossible to miss her relationship drama. So are we actually still reviewing Swift's album as a standalone media for its sound and lyrics? Or are we actually just reviewing TS's terrible love life which she apparently has no responsibility for? And mind you all - she knows exactly what she's doing. Don't even think for a second she doesn't know that you all are following her every footstep. Don't think she doesn't use it to her advantage. (Aside from that, she has been considered a storyteller for so long, but she seems to have a lack of stories she can come up with if the only ones she writes about are her own...)
3) Which leads to the entire capitalist thinking behind the release of this album. Not only did she publish 19 different versions of this album to be acquired, no, she also literally had millions of fans pre-ordering her (normal-length) album, only to drop an extended version right after its release. Which means that all these fans had to buy yet another album. And don't think she meant this as a surprise for her fans - she did that cause that's how you make money. Cause that's how capitalism works. And she's part of the problem.
#anti taylor swift#taylor swift#tagging with TS too cause it's valid criticism and no hate#(fyi tho i couldn't stand her since i first saw her in 2009 :D)#mischa for ts
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Are we sure Sandralynn wasn't cursed with like. Shit taste?
It's def a real mixed bag, though I think besides Bobby it's more just wild choices than straight up bad choices.
Bobby Dawn: Regular Freak. Liar, Frumpy, Wrong. Cheated on his wife and then ruined another woman's life over it. This is not a a ranking so I'm not giving him a score but I almost wish it was so I could give him a comically low number. Actually, there aren't any rules here. I still can. Negative infinity and kick rocks. If I was Sandra Lynn's friend I would be *begging* for her to love herself (or at least have a better sense of self preservation) and RUN GIRL.
Gilear Faeth: Gilear was a successful, hot elf before his loser energy kicked in because of his curse. Wasn't he like a diplomat or something? Like, Gilear now is a loveable loser but Gilear then was probably kind of a catch. And hell, Fabian's mom likes loser Gilear and she's a pretty hot commodity herself. As Sandra Lynn's friend I would be doing cartwheels if she moved on from Bobby to be with Gilear. 1000% improvement. And, for what it's worth, so is loser Gilear. Most guys would be frankly.
Gorthalax: Def seems a bit reactionary to go from a cleric of Sol to one of Sol's fallen angels turned devils. But Gorthalax is a nice guy from what we've seen and as a devil of gluttony he prob can conjure up some killer date night food. I think that if I could get over the shock of him being a MAJOR DEVIL, as Sandra Lynn's friend, I could warm to the idea. And he's not Bobby Dawn so instant improvement. However, as there was infidelity involved this would be another GIRL WHAT? reaction from me. But again, less about the guy himself, more about the decision to cheat.
Jawbone: OK so the thing about Jawbone is that I think he's great and a super good person and he's Brennan's semi-self insert so of course I love him. But he would also be an insane person to know IRL. Like, the stories he tells so casually. I think I'd be like, uh are you sure about this one? But he seems to have at least mostly chilled out now that he's working with kids and I think he's a really great guy. There's maybe a risk of contracting Lycanthropy but I'm sure they're using whatever protection you use for that. Solid guy as long as you're cool with his past.
Garthy: When Garthy was introduced, 80% of the fandom was instantly thirsting over them so objectively, "Garthy is hot" is a pretty mainstream opinion. And even if you (like myself) were in the 20% of people not thirsting over them, they're still very clearly a good person between raising Ayda and being super into self care (I loved the scene with them and Mercer's char in PoL). Also they're just really cool conceptually. So again, very normal person for Sandra Lynn to wanna hook up with. The problem, once again, is the infidelity. Especially because Jawbone was willing to have an open relationship! He closed the relationship for her! She took an L here for no reason!
So, to recap: shitty guy, good guy (who was cursed), devil (who is a good guy* and also an affair partner), good guy (with a wild past), and hot pirate (who is a good person* and also an affair partner).
*I don't remember if they knew Sandra Lynn was in a relationship when they were hooking up with her and am not factoring that into my judgement.
Besides Bobby Dawn, the rest of her choices were pretty OK (unless I'm forgetting stuff). Wild and with no obvious connecting thread--she absolutely has a rogue's gallery to rival Batman's--but it seems like the problems she had with relationships came down more to stuff other than, "She picked an objectively bad guy."
She really has the most inconsistent taste ever. I can't even begin to categorize what her type is. Gilear and Garthy should never been on any list together besides, "NPCs with G names."
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