#sorry it’s the mental illness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tarotmantic · 7 months

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i want to be good at art but only so i can draw gross horror stuff lololol

#tarot.txt #I mean I guess also to draw fanart but mostly I want to draw VIOLENCE #sorry it’s the mental illness #like how a lot of my poems r gory in a metaphorical way #if i want to not self harm irl I have to channel that energy into art #just how the cookie crumbles #if i ever get a steady therapist I’m just gonna tell them this @ so they can read my tags

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antiwhores · 2 months

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Bakugou cums so fast and hard the first time he has sex.

Yall be like: “He lasts long!” “He lets you finish first.”

He would love to! But I imagine he actually didn’t last for shit.

Bakugou had forgotten to use the tricks that everyone had told him.

“Think about something gross so you don’t cum fast!” Not possible, you felt too good for him to think about anything but you.

“Beat off before it happens, the sex’ll last longer.” It happened spontaneously, he had no time.

“Just hold it in through your bladder!” HOW?! Thats the only one he remembered to try and yet it still failed.

He felt so embarrassed when his afterglow wore off. He thought that you wouldn’t wanna have sex with him anymore. He knew better, but he decided that you would go tell all your friends about how easily the great Bakugou Katsuki cums.

He apologizes to you with a scowl on his face (not directed towards you, it was for himself).

“I didn’t mean for it to be that fast. M’sorry.”

He finally meets your eyes when you grab his face, kissing him.

“Katsuki, it’s okay. It’s our first time. I didn’t expect you to last forever. If anything, it’s a compliment. Just means I’m that good.”

Bakugou internally sighs, the panic swaying away from him.

“…Wanna go again?”

#been a while #sorry guys i got sent to the #mental hospital for a lil bit #and then i needed time to #recuperat and shit #maybe one day ill write consecutively #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #mha x reader #bakugou smut

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thebibliosphere · 1 year

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Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

#adhd #mental health #mental illness #trauma #imposter syndrome #sorry for the wall of eratic text #feeling jittery af #possibly hypomanic tbh #either way #aaaaaaaaah

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godshideouscreation · 6 months

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#meme #its the mental illness #sorry

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k3t4min5 · 2 months

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i got a thing for pushing people away when im at my lowest

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machineryangel · 2 years

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shes a 10 but she answers her texts in 70 to 80 business days and sometimes never

#not to make another shes a 10 post but . im so sorry nessa ezra n everyone else whom i left on read #i promise ily im just so mentally ill #txt

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wishiwasanyonelse · 1 month

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I get it when people avoid me. I don’t even want myself around.

#depressiv #tw depressing thoughts #kinda depressing #depressing shit #tw depressing stuff #sorry for being depressing #self h@rm #self h@te #self h4te #mental illness #vent #sh #sh cvt #cvtting addict #i wanna cvt #i want to cvt

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stripeyworm · 6 months

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your manic pixie dream girl and nightmare bad boy all in one I love binggeyuan sooo much. If I'm MIA, it's because I've fallen into quite the rabbit hole lately and going into hibernation!!

#my art #fan art #svsss #danmei #mxtx #binggeyuan #luo bingge x shen yuan #sorry i read so much good fic of them and it's ruined my life.#wolf boy that is a sopping wet dog x secretly very milfy otaku came for my NECK. won't lie!!#ough binghe we're in it now #been particularly mentally ill lately but this is my “nice” account so im hiding it in the tags #read nyoomerr's fics guys. pip is so good!!

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3m0g1rlyyy · 29 days

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Sometimes i look at my $elfharm scars and think “Damn it wasn’t even that deep”