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#sometimes I just like to drop a bomb and walk away
magicshopaholic · 3 months
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Re the joon and kaya fic - I’m heartbroken but I also can’t help but remember a certain accidental pregnancy that’s supposed to occur soon 👀👀👀 I know she specifically said she’s on birth control and he finished outside and all but… maybe she missed a day? Maybe he “slipped up” and that’s why he was so awkward before he left? My mind is going a thousand different directions and I’m losing it 😬😬
Anon, I think you’re missing the biggest red flag here which is that even if she is pregnant, Namjoon may not be the father 🤷🏻‍♀️
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aeolianblues · 1 month
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one last thing I will say on that topic. Americans getting upset about you calling out Zionism. When you're not talking about Judaism or in fact, about religion at all. When you're talking about a national military funded by a country that has been dropping bombs on the middle east since the 1980s. But then I suppose when people who are so so so comfortable with equating a whole religion, or further a whole entire group of multiple ethnicities, with simply 'terrorism', are criticised on any aspect of their wrongdoings of course they must think we're talking about their whole religion. Literally every word is a projection.
#I lost all respect for that person honestly. I used to think they were quite cool. I put up with a lot of blatantly horrendous shit thinking#'surely it's only a defensive thing. Surely they're only talking about the sadness within their community rather than actively supporting#the mass killings of thousands of people. Surely they're a teacher they've got to have that empathy with kids being murdered'#No! The fucking full clownshow. And now I've been feeling like an idiot all day— like why did I go 'let it slide' x 100#why should *they* walk away feeling like they've got some sort of moral superiority here and why should I feel like I've been struck down?#Why am I the idiot that didn't block them four months ago#Anyway sorry to everyone who's had to watch me spam about one (1) negative interaction *all day long* it will subside soon#I'm just stinging from the fucking. Utter blindness.#We've always said someone's comfort doesn't override someone else's right to survival#as a literal genderqueer person they KNEW that. They'd uttered the same fucking sentence#but alas the pinkwashing that makes me so frustrated with Americans sometimes. It magically doesn't apply where racism is concerned ✨😃#The US really is bombs dropped by rainbow-painted aircrafts; that meme should not be this accurate#anyway I'm glad that person is not in my life anymore. I'm glad my dash has one less abomination to repeatedly show up on it#and I have every right to be angry and I will be. I just won't bother you lovely folks with it
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derpinette · 8 months
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as soon as i want to relax i start thinking about how vulnerable my vitals are
#like when it is time for me to sleep or on the bus or just walking about outside#i always have my sides “hugged” sort of & i always worry about the back of my neck showing#( could entice someone into stabbing me there ) like on the bus or in class i keep thinking about how easily#someone behind me could just snap & stab me in the neck#i am a paranoid person like this in general in 2019 i was too scared to wear my hair in pigtails because i was paranoid some crazy person#with scissors would cut them off & run away ( sometimes i start thinking too much & it starts going into witchcraft territory )#( like OMG i am så going to get cursed for a laugh or out of boredom using those !!!!! same with nail grooming i only file )#anyway so when i try to sleep i keep thinking about how someone could just barge into my house & stab me in the kidneys & chest#& it feels so real so i have to curl up into a ball so the thought goes away#but then i think like any position is stabbable & nothing i do can protect me. no one say guns i am north african#maybe i need to start hiding weapons under my clothes again just to feel safer i used to hide blades in my bra when i was crazy in 2020#i think i am getting back there lately but surely this is fine whatever. Who caare & i mean that genuinely i have already been there#butUGH I HATE feeling so vulnerable to The Killer like i know what wendy williams means but honestly the thought of not dying scares me moa#kind of like how the anticipation of a needle is scary only you get stabbed or attacked & bludgeoned in various ways#like anyone can do anything at any timeeven when i was a kid i would be walking places & think someone could so easily drop a bomb right no#or how gas cylinders can explode at any moment. & then i start visualizing & Feeling until my ears ring. anyway#sorry for my Sick & Twisted Dark & Sinister Mind#journaling. or like.something.
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aurorawritestoescape · 2 months
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ALWAYS AND FOREVER || 1,6k
post-outbreak Joel Miller x f!reader
Summary: Joel comes home after a hard day on patrol and you comfort him.
Tw: 18+ mdni, smut, ANGST, m/f masturbation, mention of somno, mention of canon typical violence, mention of death. I chose not to include all the warnings so as not to spoil the fic.
A/n: written for @iamasaddie ‘s writing challenge 2.0. color: Joel’s denim shirt. genre: hurt/comfort. prompt: "It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay." Aly, you creative genius, thank you for hosting such a fun event! Also sending you kisses and hugs for the gif in my mb! Love you, baby!♥️ Smooches to @milla-frenchy for beta-ing the fic💕
MASTERLIST
*****
Joel stomps through the bedroom door, growling and mumbling obscenities under his breath. He’s tense, every nerve is an open wire, every unexpected sound makes him flinch and grit his teeth. He’s tired, lack of sleep painted his skin gray and his beard is all patchy. He looks like shit.
“What is it, Joel?” You ask sitting on your favorite spot on the bed, the left side, which is closer to the window and to the sun that is a rare sight in autumn here. Joel often laughed at you calling you a cat for your love to lie there, basking in the sunshine or napping. And you loved taking naps so much. When Ellie, Joel and you came to Jackson and settled, you couldn’t get enough of that sweet afternoon sleep.
Sometimes Joel would snuggle up to you, spooning your sleeping body, enveloping you like a big warm cloud. Many times you’d wake up to his lips moaning in your ear and his cock sliding in and out of your wet pussy, your body already vibrating on the verge of climax. You loved it. You loved him and he loved you.
“What is it?” You sing the question, repeating it again. His frustration, annoyance, anger or whatever else that ruined his day is about to spill everywhere, staining every corner of this house, and you need to stop it, defuse the bomb that’s about to explode.
“Nothing,” he drops in your direction, not looking at you and you sigh. He untucks his flannel shirt and strides to the bathroom. He doesn’t wash his hands and face right away. His eyes are boring into his own reflection, hands gripping the sink until his knuckles whiten. Not being able to contain himself any longer, he roars and elbows the mirror, shattering it into pieces.
“You hurt?” You ask quietly, standing in the doorframe, hands clasped shyly in front of you. You’re wearing his denim shirt and panties, nothing else.
His head whips in your direction and there are tears in his beautiful brown eyes, bloodshot from his constant insomnia.
You furrow your brows and step into the little room. He raises his hands, trying to stop you from walking on the glass-littered floor but drops them, seeing your bare feet gracefully step between the remnants of the mirror.
When you’re close you look up into his pained face and put your palm on his elbow, the one he just jammed into the wall. He doesn’t flinch.
“Wash your hands and come to bed. Please,” you ask quietly and reach up kissing his lips.
He does what you’ve asked him. He always did. He trusted you like no one else in this goddamn world. Maybe only Ellie and Tommy.
Joel sits on the bed next to you and you make him lie down, your hands applying light pressure on his tired shoulders.
He exhales feeling the frustration and rage leave his body already, bit by bit. He wants to pull you to him, hug you, kiss you but like a ray of sun you slip away from his fingers. He watches you get up and walk to the window.
His gaze catches the sway of your hips, the curve of your ass peeking out from under his shirt and he already feels his jeans getting too restrictive for his stiffening cock.
“Pull it out,” you tell him, quiet dominance in your voice, after you turn around and perch your ass on the window sill. He looks at you with defiance at first, always ready to object, but your sweet smile makes his hands dart down to unzip his jeans. You pull down your panties and take them off.
The only thing you have on now is his old denim shirt, worn out and soft, the one you stole from him years ago. You’re unclasping it now, fingers quick and sure and he watches you, palming his throbbing cock through his boxers.
You leave the shirt open and he sees a valley between your breasts and your belly. He catches a glimpse of your pussy and takes a sharp breath.
“Pull it out, Joel,” you ask with a soft and sultry tone, the one that makes his cock twitch every time he hears it. His name on your lips is like a balm for his restless soul and he places it somewhere deep for later to use, to remember.
He finally pulls his boxers down and takes out his semi hard cock. You inhale deeply and give him a little smile.
“You’re so tense, Joel,” you purr, lifting on leg and placing your foot on the window pane, “Relax for me.”
Your pussy is exposed to him now and his hungry gaze latches on your blooming flower while he’s holding his breath.
“Play with yourself for me, sweetheart,” he pleads before spitting into his palm. He wraps it around his girthy cock and starts slowly moving it up and down.
Your hand resting on your inner thigh slides to your center and with two of your fingers you spread your folds to show him your glistening pussy.
“Hnggg,” Joel groans, bucking his hips and thrusting his cock into his own huge fist.
“Wanna taste you, baby,” he rasps, eyes pleading under the bushy eyebrows.
You shake your head lightly, giving him a warm smile and start rubbing your clit. Joel’s watching you and pumping his cock faster, the skin on his hand wet with precum, his moans accompanied by your soft whimpers. Your chest is heaving and the denim shirt opens up, exposing your breasts.
“Make yourself feel good, my love,” his voice is quiet and full of love.
The hand on your pussy gets busy, as you’re plunging your fingers into your crying hole and move them in and out with the rhythm of his cock fucking his tight fist.
The other hand kneads your breasts, tugs on your pebbled nipples.
His hungry gaze desperately darts between your face, tits, belly, pussy. The vision of you, weaved into the golden light from the window behind you, brings tears to his eyes. He wishes he could take a picture, draw you like this, capture this image and store it forever behind his eyelids. Joel grips his cock tighter at the base, delaying his release for a few moments. He’s getting drunk on the sight in front of him, insatiable and already thirsty for more.
Joel is happy to forget about everything for these few minutes, his mind occupied by your fingers being pushed deeper into your sweet cunt, your face twisted with pleasure, back arched and legs trembling. He can hear how wet your pussy is.
Soon a climax takes over you as you freeze for a second before waves of pleasure shake your body making you cry out his name only for his ears,
“Joel!”
He wishes you screamed it coming on his cock and his cum spurted deep inside your pussy instead of all over his belly and hand like his pulsating cock is doing now.
You sniff, eyes sparkling with unshed tears, and he smiles, recognizing your telltale sign of a satisfying orgasm.
“C’mere, crybaby,” he whispers with a tired smile, wiping his spilled cum with the hem of his shirt.
You’re next to him in a second, lying on your stomach, arms folded on his broad chest, your chin resting over them.
“My sweet girl.”
His gaze showers you with warmth and adoration, arms itching to hold you, lips - to kiss.
“What happened, Joel?” Your piercing eyes are searching for the answer in his face. He takes a deep breath looking up at the ceiling, trying to quiet the rage, rising from the pits of his stomach again.
“We were on patrol. Me and this new kid. Dumbass! I told him to be careful but the asshole didn’t wait for me… rushed into the house when I specifically told him to wait…Found him on the floor, fighting a clicker. Bastard was lucky I was there on time. Shot the damn thing just before it bit his fucking face off.”
“In that house?” You ask quietly and he nods.
You sigh and climb a little higher on the bed and plant a kiss on his weathered lips. He averts his eyes embarrassed by the smell of whiskey you must have noticed but you smile and cup his scruffy cheek.
“You saved him. I’m proud of you, Joel.”
He closes his eyes, comforted by the softness of your touch, by your praise and he feels his soul healing a little. But the memories flood his mind and a second later his serenity shutters again.
“Yeah, I did. I saved him,” he rasps looking deep into your eyes, “but I didn’t save you.”
A tear slides down his cheek and you kiss it away. You pepper kisses over his eyes, nose, lips and then search for his sad eyes and speak softly,
“You can’t save everyone, Joel.”
“I don’t give a shit about everyone,” he snaps, fire waking up behind his eyes again, “I care about you. And I fucking lost you.”
His eyes are pleading for a miracle, tracing your slightly blurry features, but you can’t make it happen.
“You didn’t lose me, Joel, I’m right here,” you purr against his cheek, before taking his face in your hands. Your love is so strong, Joel can swear he feels their warmth on his skin.
“It’s gonna be ok, Joel. You’re gonna be ok. You have people who love you. Ellie, Tommy. And you have me. Always will.”
Joel nods and wishes he could see you longer but the exhaustion takes over and soon he falls into deep relaxing sleep, lulled and comforted by the ghost of you.
*****
Thank you for reading!🌺
Please consider reblogging and commenting if you enjoyed the fic. Your feedback motivates me so much!♥️
Masterlist
Tag list: @milla-frenchy @harriedandharassed @survivingandenduring @missannfairy @iamasaddie @nervousmumbling @bbyanarchist @stevie75 @puduvallee @auteurdelabre @mountainsandmayhem @senoratess @flamingochick55 @theoraekenslover
If you’d like to be tagged in my future fics, let me know!💕
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nereidprinc3ss · 6 months
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omg i'm obsessed with the idea of spencer and a university student and i looooved the one you wrote with reader struggling with finals (i relate so much </3) i'm not sure if you write requests or not (if not, then i'm sorry and please ignore this hahaha) but i would love to see more of their dynamic? maybe spencer for once arrives earlier from a case and goes to pick up reader from university as a surprise? i don't really know but i would love to see more 💗 thank you and i hope you have a good day!
AHHHH omg you have NO IDEA how excited I was to open my inbox and see a request!! i am absolutely obsessed w spencer x uni student too
i kind of took this and ran w it so its a little angsty and random LOLOL but here is (drumroll)
spencer picking up reader after you fail an exam (sorry lol) and you are NOT in a good mood but he loves you so its fine
Tears, partly from the bitter wind and partly from shame, blur your phone screen as you exit the lecture hall. Another missed call from Spencer. It’s the third one today—you've been ignoring them in an attempt to remain focused on the final that you just bombed. Part of you now wants to keep ignoring them out of sheer embarrassment. How can you admit to your super-genius boyfriend that you are a bona fide academic failure? Still, you don’t want him wondering about you while he should be working. Your numb fingers fumble with the phone as you try to call him back without running into anybody on your walk back to student housing. 
It doesn’t reach the second ring before he’s picking up. 
“Hey,” he sighs. “I was starting to worry.” 
“I’m sorry, I’ve been busy,” you exhale, cutting through some trees as you approach your building. “What’s up? How’s the case?” 
“Well... that’s actually what I’ve been calling about. We wrapped up this morning.” 
“What? But last night you said it would be at least three more days.” 
“Rare instance of me being wrong, I guess.” 
“So when are you flying back?” you ask, not wanting to get your hopes up. You know sometimes his team stays behind to help with processing a case. He doesn’t reply for a moment. “Spencer?” 
“I’m... thirteen minutes away from your school. Twelve.” 
Your brain short-circuits as you process his words, the cold metal of the door handle biting into your fingers as you stop dead in your tracks. 
“You--are you driving here right now?” 
“Yes,” he begins, sounding embarrassed, “I kept calling because I wanted to ask first, but I know you had your last final this morning and you were going to come over when I got back anyway so I thought you might want to come stay with me for a few extra days. You can say no, obviously—” 
Some of the icy despair melts in your chest. 
“Of course, I want to.” 
“Good,” he exhales a laugh. “It would have been awkward if you said no. Can you have a bag packed by the time I get there?” 
You’re speedwalking through the lobby now, hitting the up button for the elevator more times than is necessarily effective. 
“Drive faster.” 
“Yes, ma’am.” 
By the time you blindly shove enough clothing in a bag, text your roommate to let her know you’ll be gone for the rest of the week, and make it back outside, Spencer’s familiar vintage car is already pulling up to the curb. He doesn’t even bother cutting the engine—just puts it in park and gets out, rounding the vehicle as you close the distance between one another. His smile is brilliant, and though you don’t feel particularly deserving of it, it’s for you. 
“Hi,” you breathe shakily as he loops his arms around your waist. 
“Hi, pretty,” he says, already leaning down to kiss you. It’s soft and sweet over too quickly, but then he’s gently pulling you into him. You drop your bag and bury your face in his jacket, trying to right yourself before you go into an emotional tailspin. 
As usual, he smells like lavender, clove, resinous amber. It makes your head spin. Right away you feel yourself relaxing; feel your guard slipping, like it always does when he’s around. 
“I missed you.” The words are quiet to begin with, muffled further by the fabric of his coat, but you know he’ll hear you. 
“I missed you too,” he murmurs, stroking your hair. “Everything okay?” 
Why are you always surprised when a man who works for the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI accurately analyzes your behavior? 
“Just tired. Can we go home?” You pull back enough to look up at him, meeting his fond—and just a little concerned—gaze, averting your eyes before he has time to discern your... omission of truth. 
“Yeah, angel. Of course we can.” 
He opens the passenger side door for you, making sure you’re settled before tossing your bag in the back seat and circling around the back of the car. 
“Is that coffee?” You say as soon as he slides into the driver’s seat. His eyes dart down to the tumbler in the center cupholder as he buckles. 
“It’s from the jet. You won’t like it.” 
Despite his warning you reach over to grab it, taking a small sip as he puts the car into gear and pulls out of the parking lot. You make a sour face. Spencer glances over. 
“I told you it was bad.” 
You yawn, putting it back in the cupholder. “It was worth a shot.” 
Jazz music plays quietly from the speakers and the heat is blasting, but you’re too busy mentally rehashing question 37 to find it relaxing. 
“You didn’t get enough sleep last night,” he states. Not a question. Outside, the brick buildings of your campus roll by. You wonder if all the students rushing about on the sidewalks and side streets failed any of their finals.  
“Couldn’t,” you mumble flatly, picking at your nails.  
There’s a moment’s pause, and you’re imagining all the things you could have done differently. You’ve never failed a final before. If you’d just studied a little bit harder—if you’d stayed in instead of going out last weekend, if you weren’t so— 
“I’m going to ask you something, and I don’t think you’re going to like it,” Spencer says. 
“Mhm,” you hum, too afraid to speak because your eyes are already stinging again. Honestly, you’re surprised you made it this far without him getting the truth out of you. He offers his hand across the console as you slink down in your seat, and you take it, allowing him to run his thumb over yours in soothing lines. 
“How do you think your final went?” 
You bite the inside of your cheek, the bare branches of the trees outside blurring as you stare unseeingly. 
“Not good. Like, I definitely failed, not good. I'm an idiot.” 
“You absolutely are not an idiot.” 
“You didn’t see me taking the test, Spencer. I literally just sat there staring at it for ten minutes before I even answered one question. It was pathetic.” 
“Did you sleep at all last night?” 
The question takes you by surprise. Your frown deepens. 
“What? I don’t—that’s not—" 
“Just answer the question. Did you sleep at all last night?” 
“Yes!” 
“Don't lie to me.” 
“Fuck you! I slept for like two hours and had coffee this morning!”  
He squeezes your hand. 
“That’s why you failed.” 
The first tear traces its path down your cheek, composure overwhelmed by the confrontation. 
“I hate when you use your stupid interrogation tactics on me,” you say, voice wobbling. And then the crying begins in earnest. 
“I know, baby.” 
His hand moves to rub your back when you let go to cover your face. Torrential evidence of your frustration and utter exhaustion well over, slipping through your fingers despite your best efforts to stop them from coming at all. Having an emotional breakdown in the passenger seat of his car is far from how you’d wanted to greet Spencer’s surprise arrival, but you’re too worn out to mask your emotions—especially when he is so adept at drawing them to the surface. 
A moment passes like that before you take a shuddering breath, raising your head slightly and wiping your cheeks with your sleeves in vain. 
“I should have been able to do it. I just—it was like I was reading the questions and I knew that I should know the answers, but I couldn’t remember anything.” 
“You’re exhausted. Sleep deprivation has an immediate, devastating effect on cognitive functioning levels. My recall and processing speed start to fail when I’m tired, too. It has nothing to do with how smart you are.” 
It makes sense—but it doesn’t make you feel much better. You wanted to ace this exam. Of course, Spencer wouldn’t understand because school was as easy as breathing for him. He barely had to try to get three doctorates. It’s possible, you suppose, that dating a genius has put an academic chip on your shoulder—maybe you’ve set impossibly high standards for yourself.  
After a few minutes the crying finally ebbs, if only because you’re running into supply and demand problems with your tear ducts. You rub your weepy eyes on your shoulder, leaning against the cold window and watching DC go by. 
“You know, the final isn’t as important as you think it is. You’ll still pass the class.” 
“It’s symbolic,” you mumble, breath fogging up the glass. Spencer hums, still rubbing your back. 
“I know. I know it matters to you, but I don’t want you to think one bad grade is a reflection of who you are. Do you understand why it doesn’t make sense to measure something as abstract as intelligence by a metric as one dimensional as a standardized test?” 
“Yes.” 
“Good.” 
You shift in your seat, wiping your face with your sleeve and prompting Spencer to take your other hand once more. 
“Can your FBI friend hack the university database and give me an A?” you ask after a moment, sniffling. 
“Absolutely not.” 
“Pretty please?” 
“Nope.” 
“It’s like you don’t even love me,” you mutter, angling yourself away from him.  
He pulls your hand toward him and presses a kiss to the back of it. 
“I love you so much that I don’t want you to get expelled for academic dishonesty.” 
“It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll probably just drop out.” 
You both know you’re just being overdramatic, but Spencer has a tendency to be sweet even when you don’t deserve it. 
“I’ll love you no matter what you do.” 
You blush, unable to come up with a sufficient reply. His eyes slide to you briefly and he smirks, clearly enjoying his ability to fluster you, and by extension, get you to shut up. 
“Eyes on the road, genius,” you grumble. But for the first time today you’re fighting a smile instead of tears. 
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soobnny · 7 months
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talk tomorrow — lee heeseung. best friends to lovers. drunken confessions. fluff. (1.1k words)
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It takes a single message from Jay reading “Heeseung drunk. Please help” for you to leave the comfort of your bed in favor of picking up your best friend.
He’d told you the night prior that he’d be drinking out with his friends, even asked you to come with him. However, you were a prisoner to your 10-page essay due at midnight so you’d opted out of his invitation – despite his accompanying doe-eyes, pout, and whining. He had taken everything out of his books of “How To Get (Name) To Say Yes” for you to reconsider, but you’d kept a firm stand on wanting to pass your subject.
Though, at 2am, with your essay—not proofread— passed and sent into the void for you to never look at ever again, you had no choice but to get the boy before he makes stupid decisions that’d have him be subject to his friends’ teasing the next day. If Jay’s one text message hadn’t convinced you, Jake’s drunk phone call with Heeseung mumbling your name over and over again would’ve done the trick.
So, clad in pajamas you had every intent on sleeping in, you’re left walking a few minutes away from his destination until you could smell the familiar scent of hard liquor. It doesn’t take a minute of you announcing you’d arrived before Heeseung barges out of the club doors to stumble his way to you and take you in his arms, just like in the movies, back slouched and head draped on your shoulder.
Though, the movies never described how foul alcohol would smell like on a boy’s sweaty body. It made you freak out, along with the thought of the connotations of a drunken boy who could pull whoever he wanted. Had he met a pretty girl?
Had it been Jake, you wouldn’t have minded. You’d even go as far as saying you’d help him, but Heeseung is a different case. Different in that you’re madly in love with him, and you could only ever see Jake as a brother figure.
“(Name)? Is it actually you?” His words come out in a slur, but you don’t miss the tilt of sudden giddiness in the way that he speaks to you.
“He’s been whining about you all night.” Jay’s voice follows from right behind him, peeling the drunk boy away from you who instantly makes grabby hands and lunges right back when Jay lets go. You could hear Heeseung mumbling, “don’t tell her”, against your shoulder.
“Don’t tell me what?” You try to support Heeseung’s wait on you, looking from him to Jay who simply shrugs his shoulders in response. Jake is a compliant drunk at the back with his eyes curtained and hands behind his back so Jay doesn’t scold him.
“That I like you.” He murmurs, low rasp in his voice and arms tightening around you as if to prepare you for the words you had never expected to hear from the boy. You would’ve stumbled in your step had Heeseung not depended most of his weight on you.
Jake’s mouth drops.
“Oh my god. He actually said it.” You could hear Jake’s harsh whispers that Jay desperately tries to shut down, dragging his friend back into the building despite his attempts at trying to see the scene unfold before him.
The door closes, and it’s just you, Heeseung, and the faint music playing from the club.
“Do you actually mean that?” You ask more to yourself, sudden bomb dropped. Apparently, it does not take seconds to comprehend that the boy you’d been in love with since middle school bears the same feelings for you. So, you stand there looking like an idiot with Heeseung stuck to you like his life depends on it.
“Of course I do.” His head perks up, defensive almost, peeling away from you. “Have you not— have you not noticed the way I look at you? How I have all your favorite books memorized, how I know everything about you by heart? I like you so much, (Name). I like you so much that sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe because what is my heart for if not to love you?”
“Hee—”
“How could anyone not love you? You walk into a room, and everyone is captivated by you. Magic is everywhere with you, and I just want to be able to have even just a fraction of who you are. But I could never tell you that. I’m just… I’m just your best friend, right? How could I be anything more?”
His eyes are glossy, and fixated on your lips before he curses himself. “I’m sorry. Are you mad at me?”
“Hee, of course I’m not mad at you. But, can we talk about this tomorrow? I don’t want you to say things you don’t mean.”
“But I do mean everything, baby. And I’ll—” Hiccup. “I’ll say everything again tomorrow, anything you want for you to believe me.”
“Come on, let’s go home. We’ll talk more about this in the morning, okay?”
“Okay.”
“You’re gonna have a really bad headache tomorrow.”
“Hmm… I heard kisses are a good remedy.”
“Really, now?”
“Mhm.”
His hand dives after yours, walking with you to your apartment minutes away. Your heart flutters in the space between your intertwined fingers. He holds onto you like he knows nothing else. It only makes you smile more.
He’ll settle for handholding tonight.
“Did you have fun tonight?”
“Mmm, couldn’t stop thinking about you though. It’s always more fun with you.” Heeseung doesn’t even think of what he’s saying anymore, spewing unfiltered words he’d normally keep hidden until he was sure you felt the same. Maybe it’s because his mind is too busy reeling what it’d be like to be with you, and how your lips could possibly feel like on his.
“Hee.” You warn light-heartedly.
“Okay, tomorrow, tomorrow. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” He repeats like a mantra before sighing out. “Want time to hurry. Wanna know if you feel the same way.”
Heeseung looks lost in his own body when you arrive back into your apartment, but he still has everything memorized—where to take his shoes off, where to sit as you hand him a glass of water to drink, where his spare clothes are.
Your chest feels warm the whole time you help him wash his face. He simply sits there, compliant and behaved which is not how he’s like on a day to day basis, as you run your hands through his face, even after you dry him off with a towel. Heeseung is only a boy with a mind thinking if his everydays could look like this.
He falls asleep after 15 minutes, but his hand never leaves yours, and there’s a little note on your bedtime with lines you could barely recognize as Heeseung’s handwriting.
I meant everything. Talk tomorrow.
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beenbaanbuun · 4 months
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messy room w/ seonghwa
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words - 🤷‍♀️
genre - fluff and also angst
warnings - depressed reader, supporting seonghwa, self hatred, kissing
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“you’re judging me, aren’t you,” you mumble from your position behind seonghwa. he stands in the door to your room, brows furrowed and hand covering his mouth. you can’t tell whether it’s in shock, pity, or disgust. probably a mixture of all three.
he hums in response, taking a few steps into your room. he’s careful to avoid the piles of clothes that litter your floor. it doesn’t leave much room for him to walk, but he tries nonetheless.
“i’m not judging you, darling,” he comes to a stop in front of your unmade bed, “i’d never judge you for something like this.”
the door swings shut as you kick it with your foot, and with a deep sigh you take a few steps into your bedroom. you get to your bed quicker than seonghwa had since you knew the path well by now. every few steps you reach a new pile of clothes, and you gently push it to the side with your socked feet. it’s less for yourself, more so to make it easier for seonghwa to traverse around your room without tripping up.
“don’t lie, hwa,” there’s a pile of books at the end of your bed that you push to the side to clear a space for the two of you to sit. your thighs meet the mattress first. it takes a second for seonghwa to follow, “i know you hate the mess. i really didn’t mean to let it get this bad.”
“i know, sweetheart,” he coos as he places an arm around your shoulders. his grip is firm as he pulls you to lean against him. it doesn’t take much for you to get the message and lay your head on his shoulder, “but i don’t mind.”
“i’m still sorry.”
he snorts as you apologise.
“you’re sorry for your own room being a mess?”
well, when he puts it like that, it sounds silly. it’s your space to mess up, he’s right about that. and he’s never one to dictate what you can and can’t do, especially not in your own apartment. not to mention that he loves you - something that he never fails to make clear - even with all the emotional baggage you carry with you.
still, as you stare up at his face and watch as his gaze flickers around, theres a pang that shoots through your heart. it feels a lot like guilt. like you’ve disappointed him in some way. and to be honest, you might have, but he’d never tell you that.
he never did tell you those sorts of things because he always claims that you could never disappoint him. you doubt that, but he defends himself to the ends of the earth. its annoying, sometimes, but not nearly as much as it is endearing. his pouty lips that only ever appear when he’s fighting his case always had a way of making you give in to him.
“yes,” you double down on your apology, “i feel like i should be trying harder, like i always tell you i will.”
he sighs, pulling away from you just a little so he can look you in the eyes. he’s stern, but shows no signs of anger. no sign of disappointment.
“and i always tell you that you don’t need to try harder when you’re already trying your best.”
“yes, but-” he puts his hand over your mouth to shut you up. you whined from behind it, briefly tempted to lick it before deciding that it’s not the time. you could save jokingly around with him until later.
“you’re burnt out,” he drops his hand, resting it on your thigh. there’s a soft look on his face that makes you feel precious. it’s not often you feel that way, but somehow seonghwa always brings that side out of you, “and if you carry on pushing yourself, it’ll only get worse. you need time to recover, darling. you can try harder when you feel like you can, okay?”
you can’t help it when you put your hand over his own and give it a thankful squeeze. it isn’t much, but with the way his body visibly relaxes and a tiny smile rises to his face, you know that he gets the message.
it’s like that for a few moments. just the two of you in silence sitting in the middle of a room that looks like a bomb could’ve gone off. his eyes still flicker around the room every so often, but they always return to yours. and you’re more than happy to sit and revel in the genuine softness that he stares at you with. you hate to put a label on exactly what the look means, but you can’t help but settle on the word love.
it’s rare that you’re the one to initiate intimacy, but in that moment you couldn’t stop yourself. it’s like seonghwa’s plush lips have their own gravitational pull, dragging you closer and closer until yours are on his, moving in perfect time with one another. his hand stays in your knee, offering comfort. your hand stays atop him, grounding yourself as you let your usually loud mind fade into peaceful silence.
and then he pulls away, chest rising up and down as he struggles to catch his breath. his pink lips glisten as they part, the layer of your spit you left on them acting as a gloss. a giggle leaves your mouth as you take the hand that isn’t glued to seonghwa’s to wipe it away.
“you take such good care of me,” he coos as you pull your fingers back.
“i hardly think that’s true,” you refute with a small smile, “you’re the one who always has to look after me…”
he hums.
“i do it because you’re special to me,” there’s pressure against your thigh as he squeezes it, “you’re the leia to my han, my rosie to my sam! you’re my girl…”
“and you’re the biggest nerd i’ve ever met.”
“glad to see you’re feeling better,” he smirks, “now you get cosy and i’ll make a start on cleaning this monstrosity.”
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powderblueblood · 6 months
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HELLFIRE & ICE — eddie munson x f!oc as enemies to star-crossed lovers
CHAPTER SEVEN — WELCOME to the REAL WORLD, JACKASS
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summary: christmastime in hawkins brings a bunch of cherry bombs in the boy's bathroom, a trip down memory lane via seven minutes in heaven avenue, and the least likely trio this town has ever seen. content warnings: MINORS DNI i'm going to fuck you up and santa isn't real so we've got, smut including references to and descriptions of male and female masturbation, smoking, swearing, a pregnancy scare, era-typical misogyny and ANGST in the form of a flashback!!! word count: 12.5k. merry christmas babies
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Dear reader, it takes you less than five weeks to become incapable of imagining your life without Eddie Munson.
Which, given his propensity for being an absolute neanderthal, is concerning.
Eddie Munson talks with his mouth full and plays his music too loud. He never closes a cabinet all the way. He walks through anywhere, literally anywhere, be it a store or the library or Ronnie’s trailer–leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. He talks during movies and puts his feet up on the seats at the Hawk. He makes fun of the books you read, but always grabs them away from you to stare at the blurb on the back. He never finishes a cigarette all the way before lighting another one, which is just wasteful. He pretends to be good at holding his liquor, but he’s not. 
He stands too close to you in places where he’s got plenty of room to move. He makes you laugh, even when you don’t want to. He holds the door for you in school, at the bookstore, getting out of the van, even though you’re more than capable of doing that yourself. He takes advantage of you when you’re in a good mood, like making you scratch his head as if he were a cat.
Sometimes he calls you ‘baby’, as if you don’t have a nickname already. As if you two are…
You lean toward the only mirror in the girls’ room with decent light, reapplying the red lip stain you’d taken to wearing– it was coming on Christmas, for god’s sake, and despite everything, you’re feeling festive. Quick. Lighter on your feet than you have been in a long time. 
“Hey girl, could I borrow that?” an out-of-tune simper rings right next to your ear and you almost jump out of your skin, lipstick clattering into the sink.
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“Jesus!” you say, and Eddie Munson cackles. You knock him back with a one-handed shove, face setting into that funny little grimace you’ve taken to wearing when he acts up– and he’s always acting up. You’re gonna get wrinkles if he doesn’t cut it out. “What the hell are you doing in here? Hair in your eyes make you miss the sign that says girl’s room?”
You know that’s not true, because you were the one that just about tied him to a chair in Ronnie Ecker’s trailer so you could trim his bangs last week. 
This is a fuckin’ violation of my human rights, Lacy!
Every time I’m seen with you, people think I’m out walking a goddamn Briard. Hold still!
“So, hot off the press, newspaper girl,” Eddie says, leaning against the yellow porcelain, “One, I am literate, much to everyone’s shock and awe. And two, someone threw a bunch of cherry bombs down the john in the boy’s bathroom and the place is fucking Hiroshima, but wet and kinda shitty smelling. So we all got told to use this…” He gestures around at the clean-ish tile. “...salon of iniquity.” 
“Was it you?” you ask, plucking a cigarette from the soft pack he’s offering you. 
“Huh?” He scrunches his brows, leaning with a lighter ready. He’s taken to doing that; cigarette at the ready, lighter at the ready, low-grade explosives at the ready, probably.
“The cherry bombs, was it you?” you say through a reel of blue smoke.
“For once, no,” Eddie sighs, head slumping forward like a Peanuts character, “Some other gorgeous, anarchistic genius got the jump on me.” 
“Oh, god,” a frown sets in; you pick up your dropped lipstick and in its wake, ash into the sink, “There’s no other bathrooms on campus you animals could use?”
“Nuh-uh. Unisexuality, baby, it’s the way of the future,” Eddie tells you, fanning out his hands like P.T. Barnum. 
A beat. You think. This bathroom, the unofficially allocated senior bathroom, the one you and the rest of the Hawkins in-crowd had been using since sophomore year, got crowded at the best of times. The fumes of Aquanet were a definite health risk, but that’s an occupational hazard when it comes to being a girl. You add boys into the mix, nay, couples into the mix–
Damn.
“We’re about to witness the conception of so many toilet babies.”
Realization dawns on Eddie, his brown eyes flaring. “Oh shiiiit. I never thought of that.” 
“The band geeks alone, Eddie,” you whisper, head tilting toward him all scandalized-like, “We’re gonna show up at our fifteen year reunion and every single one of these suckers is gonna have their own little freshman clones.”
“Spare a thought for Heather Holloway.” Eddie’s face, a mask of mock concern, makes you roll your eyes.
“Why?” you scoff, not a fan, “She doesn’t inspire many.” 
“Objection. Her implants do.”
You turn to face him fully. “J’excuse?” 
“Swear to god,” and his palms are up, “Just saw her in Chemistry.”
“Good? Bad?”
“Conical. Jayne Mansfield.” Aaand his hands are gesturing, animatedly. Crassly. Pervily. “Take your goddamn eye out.”
“Wow. Christmas came early.”
“Christmas ain’t the only thing that’s gonna be coming early…”
“Ew.”
Eddie smirks and flicks his cigarette into the sink, hitting the faucet to wash it away– there were at least three good drags left in that, you think. 
“Heather H, first one to get knocked up in the Great Bathroom Insemination Project of 1984. Mark my words.”
“And you think you’re in with a shot?” Your tone is dripping in sneer. 
Eddie regards you for a moment, so you know something deeply annoying is about to happen. His voice goes all serious, barely above a whisper, as he closes space between you like he’s trying to beat a draft. 
“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Lacy baby.” His hands brace either side of the sink you’re standing at, trapping you against him. See? No respect for boundaries. But– Hm. Not… that annoying. “Oversexed teenagers sharing the same bathroom– at Christmas, with all that mistletoe around and shit.” His eyes, searching you with a glint that’s s’posed to be provocative. You, elbow propped up by your folded arm, puff a plume of smoke into his face. He doesn’t even blink. Smirk pursing his lips up. The two of you have established a rhythm. “Anything could happen.”
“Ew, what the hell are you doing in here? This is the girl’s room.” Enter some upstart underclassman, and Eddie’s peeling away from you.
“You didn’t see the biblical flood on the second floor, Pippi Longstocking?” His voice is big and booming and bouncing off the tile, making the underclassman cringe. “Forcible takeover. This is my house now.”
“God, shut up, freak.” She shuffles by the two of you to a vacant stall with a look you recognize– she’s so telling her friends about those two trailer park abnormos just about copulating in the bathroom later.
“Great choice!” Eddie exclaims, door of the stall slamming, “I warmed the seat for ya!” 
“Watch where you’re going, you almost milled down that stroller!”
“I wouldn’t need to go so fast if you two, freakin’ Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Priss Ass, didn’t insist on getting to this place before it closed!” 
“We wouldn’t need to rush if you hadn’t spent all freakin’ afternoon at goddamn Lipton landing getting all– all–”
“All?”
“--toked up and shit!”
“Market research, Ecker! And, I’m gonna remember you said that! Later! When you want to get all toked up and shit– woah!”
Listening to Ronnie Ecker and Eddie Munson bicker in the front seat while you balance on a drum stool in the back of his van, clutching onto Ronnie’s passenger seat for dear life– no better way to get into the spirit of the season. You’d be joining in the milieu if you weren’t currently suffering from major motion sickness. 
Eddie takes a harsh pull into a parking spot outside of Family Video and–“Go, go, go!”--you three load out like soldiers, locked on the target. He takes the lead, swinging the door open for the two of you ladies, but a voice calls out from the counter before Ronnie can even get a toe over the threshold.
“Oh, no– no way, no way!” Steve Harrington’s yelling from the helm of the ship, waving his hands. “We are– fifteen goddamn minutes away from close, I can’t do this tonight!” 
“Highly unwise of you to turn away paying customers, Harrington!” Eddie gasps, Ronnie ducking under his arm. 
“You guys come in here and spend honest-to-god hours talking shit in the aisles and– and you never even rent anything!” 
“Well, your luck’s about to change!” Ronnie says, and Steve regards her with a mask of total confusion because, well, it’s likely he’s never heard her speak directly to anyone other than Eddie before. 
That’s when you roll in the door under Eddie’s arm-arch, color rising in your cheeks that’s not from the cold. 
“I am deeply reconsidering my association with you guys.” 
“Tough shit.” “Find another trailer park.” “You love it. You love us. You’re obsessed.” 
You pinch both of your hands towards them, the universal action to encourage zipping it, and cast a glance towards Steve. His shoulders relax. His vest is green and garish and a terrible color on him and… he’s wearing elf ears. And he’s Steve Harrington. And your stomach clenches, though it’s more muscle memory than anything else. 
“Hey, Steve,” you smile, soft and small and not really all that there. 
“Lacy. Hi.” He does smile at you, after a beat. “You responsible for these assholes?”
You hadn’t seen him since the night of his party, that grand inferno that had landed you here, standing between Eddie and Ronnie and feeling not entirely awful about it. Well, you hadn’t exactly seen him then either, except for a flash when Eddie was dragging you out of his house. 
So, y’know, the blush is entirely justified.
“She’s bankrolling us,” Eddie says, closing the door to keep the heat in and speaking just to break the tension. True, too– you’d scored a part time gig at The Bookstore after a confrontation with the eagle-eyed Ivana regarding certain missing copies of Little Women, The Woman Destroyed and Fear and Trembling. You assumed you were working off the thievery, which you never directly admitted to and she never directly accused you of– but then, she paid you. 
Ivana, it turns out, is incredibly pro-workers rights and even more incredibly anti-Hawkins gossip mill. Which works out a treat for you. The bookstore’s become more of a haven than it had been before. 
“Can you scatter already?” you direct two thirds of your threesome towards the stacks. “Let’s make this breezy, I feel a wave of mortification rising.” 
“No. I was promised in-store bickering,” Eddie says, rooting himself to the spot. You catch a weird flash of– something in his eyes. Ronnie, with her unlikely band geek strength, groans and yanks him toward the horror section. “It’s my favorite part! It’s like the pre-show!”
You take to the counter, gingerly, shyly. Why are you shy? Why, all of a sudden, after showing your ass in such a spectacular bruise-garnering fashion, are you shy to speak to Steve Harrington? Is it because Nancy’s dropped a tidbit here and there that he’s not exactly great boyfriend material? Is it because you sometimes secretly think, good, I hope you two are having a terrible time, even if you and Wheeler are making baby steps towards a friendship?
Is it because you never forget the first person that called you Lacy?
Fuck knows. Some of that. 
“So you’re… what, hanging out now?” Steve asks, gesturing to the twin dipshits. There’s a bite in his voice from a former incarnation of Steve Harrington, one with (somehow) bigger hair and an unchecked ego. It doesn’t all shed at once, you figure. He’s sloughing it off and there’s still some left over, judging by the way he’s staring at Ronnie and Eddie. 
You look over your shoulder to them. It would be so easy to deride it, right– only due to my unfortunate proximity to them, yes or girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do for a ride these days or it’s community service, I swear. 
But you don’t. You turn back to him with a pinchy little smile. “I’m this close to getting them to let me play tambourine in their band. Can you even deal?” 
Steve, after a beat and a brow furrow, sort of half nods. “Think I kind of… get that.” 
You’re about to answer when another body comes barrelling in through the back. 
“Just wanted to let you know, dingus, that I just got off the phone with Keith–you remember Keith, right, our manager who is currently in a war of words with our boss trying to keep this place open–and your little stock-take fuckup has cost us, like, weeks of manhours in work and–” Robin Buckley, complete with a light-up Santa hat, stops dead. Counts every person in the room. Shakes her head like she’s in a dream. “What is…”
“H–hi Robin!” Ronnie calls, her voice all squeaky– due to the scuffling headlock that Eddie has somehow managed to put her in without you and Steve even noticing. “Don’t worry, we– we’ll be out of your hair in a second!” 
And Robin– wait, is Robin kind of… blushing? She backs down immediately, putting her Family Video branded binder flat on the counter. “Yeah, no… that’s totally okay, take your time!” 
You look at Steve. Steve looks at you. You quirk an eyebrow like– is that, is she… And Steve shrugs like, don’t ask me, sister. Pleading the fifth. Saving Robin’s dignity. 
But you’re still you and you’ve been bugging Ronnie about her situation for weeks so you hold up a finger.
“What are you two idiots arguing about?”
“Black Christmas–” “Silent Night, Bloody– ow, Ronnie, don’t pull hair, you girl!”
A swivel back to Robin, who is totally pink-cheeked. “We need a professional to settle this.” 
Her mind seems to stutter like a badly wound tape. Oh, she’s suckered. “Uh– uh, Black Christmas, for sure. Not exactly the coziest thing to watch, but–”
“We’re not cozy people!” Eddie yells, Ronnie coming at him with arms like weed whackers.
“--but Margot Kidder, right?” you poke, goddamn Jimmy Page and John Bonham for the Midwest set slamming into the counter on either side of you.
“Olivia Hussey,” Ronnie says breathlessly. Eddie seems to have winded her somehow. “That’s– she’s cool–I heard she was in this–”
“Exactly!” Robin lights up, excited, “She– she played Juliet in Romeo and Juliet–”
“Wait, don’t you see her boobs in that movie?” Eddie jerks in. 
“Yes,” Robin and Steve chime in unison. And glance at each other. Telling. 
Ol’ Munson there snaps his fingers. “Sold.”
“But not in Black Christmas,” you say, almost gently, so as not to… let him down?
Eddie rolls his eyes and tilts his head toward your shoulder. “I’m a man with an imagination, ain’t I?” he rasps. You pretend-shudder.
“Okay, let’s do Black Christmas and– you got a copy of The Thin Man?”
Blink-blink goes Robin, like a cartoon. It’s nearly audible. “... like, the William Powell, Myrna Loy Thin Man?” 
Your turn to roll your eyes. God, you guys love to roll your eyes, huh? “Is there any other?”
“Like the black and white movie. You’re sure? I just didn’t think it’d be your–” 
But Eddie cuts right through that assumption that’s making an ass out of you and Robin, because he knows. He knows because you’ve made him sit through Double Indemnity at the Hawk, scolding him for putting his feet up (god forbid, right!) and you’ve even threatened to drag him to some Buster Keaton retrospective that’s playing there after the holidays. He keeps thinking, man, if Wayne Munson ever comes across this girl, he’s a goner, and then he remembers why that won’t be happening any time soon. 
“She’s a freak.”
You regard him with a tight smile. Kind of a thanks, kind of a fuck you. Kind of your thing. 
“I’ll watch it when these bozos pass out.” 
Something’s gotten into Eddie. 
You three are absolutely basking in the glory of your one night of freedom– see, Granny Ecker’s away on a weekend hotel stay in Indianapolis with one of her special friends from the Hawkins Senior Center. Which, on the one hand, gross, Eddie never ever wants to think about Granny Ecker getting lucky no matter how happy for her he is. But on the other, in the words of her beloved granddaughter–
“God bless the Indiana Sweepstakes!”
Eddie has stolen Granny’s usual spot, the kick-out recliner that seems to sag more with every movement. You and Ronnie are bunched onto the little two-seater together, with Ronnie shyly suggesting that you paint her nails (black, how totally hardcore)– now, Eddie knows this move. This is so she can distract herself from the bonafide creepiness of Black Christmas because while she tries to put on a brave face, Ronnie’s eyes for horror movies are way bigger than her stomach. She’s all nerves. It’s why she’s such a good drummer. 
As you’d predicted, by the time the movie ends and you all clear the six pack that Eddie had procured, Ronnie’s nodding off– but Eddie is determined to stay wide awake. You make a move off the couch and she grumbles, having narrowly avoided propping her head on your shoulder. You move to arrange her in such a way that she’s sleeping Nosferatu style, crossing her arms over her chest. “Because I spent an awful lot of time on that polish and I won’t see it ruined, not on your account,” you chide, real quiet. Ronnie’s not listening, she’s pretend honk-shooing. Eddie, on the other hand, is. 
He likes you like this. You’re sweet to Ronnie, in your prickly little way– making her flustered with your misdirected flirting, bonding with her about things so far out of the realm of his male understanding. Being a girl with her. It’s occurred to him that Ronnie, in her testosterone-soaked world of current comrades, might actually need that. Like, she’s friendly enough with Jeannie and that Vickie girl from band, but they’re not people she’d go out of her way to make a case for so’s that Granny Ecker will let them stay for dinner. 
Which she’s done for you. Once or twice now. Which you’ve nervously accepted and even ruined your manicure for, by insisting on washing up the dishes. Eddie dried, because of course he did, because the Ecker trailer is the only place close to home that the two of you can hang out.
You’re, like– friends. 
Which is horrible.
Eddie tosses you a cold can of soda from the fridge. You catch it, hands basketing above your head.
“Power forward.”
“Cheerleader.”
You lean over to the TV to swap the tapes out, insistent on watching your dumb little black and white movie. As you do it, your skirt lifts a little bit and– 
Eddie’s gotta break eye contact. Stare at the floor for a second. Cock jumping like the fucking mole from whack-a-mole.
He almost hits it.
You bitch, are you wearing thigh highs?
“You need to pull trig, Munson?” he hears you from the kitchenette, clicking the video player’s play button. “You only had two beers.”
God, maybe. Was the room spinning? “Smoked a lotta weed today.” 
“Right. Lipton landing,” you smirk. Ronnie’s derisive little nickname for Reefer Rick’s place. “Are you gonna get over here and snore through my movie or not?”
I do not snore, or some muttering of a similar fashion comes out but he’s doing exactly what you tell him to do. He can’t help it. Brain function gone all freaky from that flash of flesh squeezed out the top of your– yeah. 
Eddie lands on the floor next to you with a little groan. Your eyes flick between him and the now-empty recliner. 
“What are you doing down here?” 
Oh. Busted. “I’m a gentleman, Lacy. Take the damn seat.” 
Your face screws up in that silly way it does whenever he talks sense to you but you don’t wanna hear it. Brat. “No. I like to sit right up near when it’s something I really want to watch.”
A shrug of your little shoulder as you wrap your arms around your knees like a kid. Face illuminated by the greyscale on the television. Skirt rucking back against the carpet. Fuck.
Eddie lets out an unsteady breath, crawling forward to lie on his tummy. Closer to you. “You’re gonna get square eyes if you keep doin’ that, dorko.”
“Who died and made you my optometrist…” but you say it in this half-hearted, distracted way, eyes on the screen.
“Y’know, if you–” Eddie starts, eyes on the lace top of your–yes indeedy–stockings.
“Shut up,” and you tap him on the shoulder. “I love this part.”
Your hand stays there as some fancily dressed chick totally eats shit in the bar of some hotel or something. Christmas presents flying everywhere as she falls. 
Women and children first, boys.
Say, what is the score anyway?
Oh, so it’s you he was after.
Hello, sugar.
Your hand stays there as you’re totally mouthing every single word, you true-blue nerd. Eddie, completely at a loss of how to react to this other than gaze, gaze, gaze at you, snaps his teeth at your hand. 
You, so completely embroiled in Nick and Nora’s white hot banter, gasp at the near-bite and swipe at his head. Eddie dodges the blow by rolling onto his back, hair fanning out on the Eckers’ rug. He grins up at you, and all of a sudden the rise and fall of his chest in that worn-out Alice Cooper shirt is very distracting. 
Pretty girl. 
Yeah, she’s a very nice type.
You got types?
Only you, darling–
“--lanky brunettes with wicked jaws,” you say, beat-for-beat with William Powell. 
“Talkin’ about me?” Eddie says, lips peeling back, eyebrows quirking.
“Not in your wettest, wildest dreams, Eddie Munson.” 
“Oh, you don’t wanna know what happens in those dreams. It’s filthy.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s twisted. It’s disgusting.” 
“I bet.”
His hand is absent-mindedly stroking his chest, shifting the hem of that t-shirt up a little bit. Brushstrokes. You remember that? Eddie Munson has a happy trail like– 
“You’re so nice to me. It’s so fffffucking hot.”
“How wildly out-of-character,” you scoff, and he laughs, and you shift in your spot the teensiest bit. Eyes back on the screen, back to safety. 
From here, where he’s lying, Eddie has a fully illustrated view of the flash of skin up your skirt. Now that you’re not looking at him, he’s looking at it. Swallowing back saliva. Ignoring Nick and Nora. 
It’d be simple as pie to walk his fingertips along the rug and brush up against you there–oops–by accident or design. Feel how soft that skin is. Feel that heat radiating from your–
“It’s alright,” he hums, eyes flicking to the ceiling. Otherwise, all the blood’s gonna drain away from his head and he’s going to fucking die. “I know I’m not your type anyway.”
Your head lolls to your other shoulder, exposing a flash of your neck. It’s sorely missing a tongue running along it, he thinks, breath shuddering a touch. 
“You wouldn’t know my type if it hit you with an eighteen wheeler.”
“Can Steve Harrington drive an eighteen wheeler?”
Lolling your head back in the most exaggerated form of exasperation, you groan. “God. The way you talk about Harrington, I’m willing to put money on the fact that you have a crush on him.”
Eddie shrugs, hand resting on his sternum. You had your hand there once, you recall.
“I got prescribed one on the first day of freshman year, just like everybody else. But it wore off.”
“Sure about that?” Your eyes narrow.
“Sure as I am that I saw you makin’ googly eyes at him at the Family Video tonight.” Eddie crosses his own peepers for effect. Your attention darts back to the screen.
“I was not–”
“You can just say it, Lace.” His face is a twisty little smirk, if you’d care to look. “Regardless of how utterly pedestrian it might be.” That was a dig at you, by the way. That was an almost eerie impression of you. 
“The things I felt in seventh grade don’t really have a lot of gravitational pull on me anymore,” you shrug, not giving. Because, when you think about it, you don’t have to give. It was a baseless kind of thrill, seeing Harrington tonight. One hit wonder. “He’s a cute boy. Reminded me I have a pulse. Nothing wrong with that.”
Eddie’s quiet for a few seconds, flicks his eyes up to watch the TV from upside down. Nick places an ice pack on a drunken Nora’s head. 
Hmm… what hit me? 
The last martini.
He smiles as you smile, and he wonders if you’re thinking of the same thing he’s thinking of. 
“Alright, well– we can forget this ever happened. Resume being assholes to each other on Monday. Don’t, like, die in the meantime.”
“You say resume like we ever stopped being assholes to each other.”
“Funny you mention seventh grade…” Eddie trails off, tugging at the rug underneath him.
“Funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?” Your voice is distant again. 
“Little bit of both.”
“Why?”
Well, he thought you might be fucking with him, but– “... God, you really don’t remember, do you?”   
“Remember what?” He sees your brow pinch, he’s getting to ya.
“Not a fucking clue.” No give, no glory, eyes on the peeling ceiling. 
“Remember what?” You’ve snapped your neck and are looking down at him now, thirsty for him to fucking spill it already.
“Total–” he blows a raspberry, “--blackout before freshman year, right?”
“Eddie.”
His name makes him sit up. Pavlovian, sure, and he’s trying to deny the fact that he’ll do just about anything you say when you call him Eddie in that slightly-tinged sour way and not Munson like you’re writing him off. He’s trying to deny that. He swears.
“Nancy Wheeler’s thirteenth birthday party.” 
You two are shoulder to shoulder, him facing the couch, you facing the screen, his breath warming the bare skin of your off-the-shoulder top which is an insane thing to be wearing in the dead of fucking winter, but praise Jesus hallelujah you’re wearing it. Your expression is unimpressed. 
“... yeah?”
“We played Seven Minutes in Heaven.” He lays that out a little too plain for your liking. Playing Seven Minutes in Heaven at a thirteen year old’s birthday party is like the non-denominational Hora for pseudo-white bread Christian teenagers, at least in Hawkins. Everybody does that shit. But hold on.
“... you were there?”
“Fucking obviously, dimwit, that’s the setup to the whole story.” He sighs in a puff, and he’s very close to you. Chin almost on your shoulder like that night at the Quarry. “Tommy Hagan ripped into me for like, fifteen full minutes because my spin of the bottle landed on you.”
Confusion is a disease and you’re terminal. “That was… not you.” 
Insistence is a disease and Eddie’s fatal. “Yes. It so was.”
“That was John Hudson-Wasserman.”
“That was not–,” Eddie full on splutters, like slapstick splutters, reeling his head away from you, “you’re gonna get me confused with John Hudson-Wasserman? The guy who was like, pathologically obsessed with the Kennedy assassination? The guy who moved to Des Moines like, two weeks after that party?”
Then you’re spluttering back all of a sudden. Everything you two are doing is contagious. “His parents named him after John F., can you blame him? –actually, I can totally blame him, that was bizarre.”
“Lacy.” Well, the way he says that straightens your spine. “Use that pretty little brain to think for a second, huh? There’s one unmistakeable detail I bet I can get to jog your memory.”
But you’re already there. Activated. Like a sleeper cell. 
“Your hair was all buzzed off. You had that bandage on your head.”
“I did. And you asked me what was under it, and I said–”
A hole. They cut out a part of my brain so I’d be– The Wheeler’s linen closet was tiny and you were breathing in lavender detergent from all angles. 
The boy in front of you, scrawny and angry, had an aura around him like a firework. You knew it was dangerous, but you wanted to look closer. 
–less of a freak? you finished. Such was the accusation du jour for this kid. 
Less of a danger to society, he said, chest puffed. They let me keep it in a jar. Just in case shit gets really real and I need to shove it back in. 
You don’t quite know what to do with that. Like. He is so weird, and his hair is unevenly shaved and he’s got little cuts and scratches and scabs all over him. Like he’s been running through brambles. He looks like a kid someone found in the wild. 
Did you name it? you ask, finger drawing circles on a nearby towel. Your jar brain.
Eddie Junior, he told you, crossing his arms. 
Aren’t you already Junior? Shouldn’t it be Junior Junior? 
His jaw hardened. No. I’m Eddie. 
You nudged forward on your toes to get a better look at the bandage– he was taller than you. It lumped out of his head, unmissable. Nothing to be done about it. 
He seemed to cringe away from you. 
Don’t try anything, skank. 
You bounce back onto your heels. 
I wasn’t, asshole. We don’t have to do anything– just… like… did it hurt? 
He paused for a full ten seconds (you counted) and swallowed real hard. Eyes wide as hubcaps, and dark, and frightened. He craned his neck toward you a little. 
Then the door swung open, Tina Burton standing there hand-in-hand with an irritated-looking Steve Harrington. Time’s up, losers! 
Al hadn’t asked if it hurt, when he beat the crap out of him for doing something so stupid. Wayne hadn’t even asked if it hurt, when Eddie came back from the hospital like a dog with its tail between its legs. 
You were the first, and you were the last, and it was before everything. Before you were even Lacy.
“What happened, anyway?” you ask. Soft. Like that last time.
Now, in retrospect, Eddie sees the error of his ways.
“I lit all my hair on fire with a butane torch.” 
“You what?!” 
“It’s not– entirely my fault! I think I saw someone with hair on fire in an X-Men comic and I thought, y’know, that’s an achievable look.” That’s a severe understatement. It was Johnny Storm from The Fantastic Four and Eddie believed that he could be like Johnny Storm only more badass and maybe with like a sick motorbike. What, you’re telling me you didn’t go through a pre-teen-to-mid-teen phase where you were secretly convinced you had superpowers? Smarten up. 
“And how high–”
“Yeah, okay, I was also hitting a Reddi-Wip can like crazy.” The nitrous oxide did not help these delusions. 
“Why the big bandage?”
“Eh, I got some, like, bitsy little burn. Total overreaction.”
“Do you have a scar?” Before he can answer, you’re parting his hair, right near the place you remember that bandage being. Eddie freezes, your frigid fingertips searching his scalp. You are… very close. 
“Uh– no, I don’t.” He gulps, avoiding looking at you directly in your bright, curious little face. “Can I tell you something truly fucking dumb?”
“Wouldn’t be out-of-character for you, that’s for sure.” 
Deep, deep breath. Fucking shit fucking goddammit fuck. Balls. “I regret it.”
“The hair thing? Yeah, you’d think–”
“No. Not kissing you.”
“Oh.” Your hands drop from his skull but don’t exactly leave his hair. Just kind of wound in there, hovering, the way you feel like you’re hovering now. 
“You asked me if it hurt, and then I was gonna– but then, fucking Tina–” Eddie says, eyes dashing to you in these minute little glances. Away, back, away, back.
“Fuckin’ Tina,” you breathe. 
“--and Harrington.”
“Ah.” You shut your eyes. He didn’t notice you were wearing green eyeshadow until right now. “The square root of the problem.”
“Huh?” Barely heard it. Too busy looking at the glitter on your eyelids. The way your eyeballs shift around underneath.
“You’re totally lemon sour bitter with Harrington because you think he made you blow your shot with me.” You open your eyes with a squint.
“That is so not–” Break a spell, why dontcha! But then, Eddie takes a bite. “Actually, if you pop-psychology that, there might be somethin’ there, but… I regret it because I didn’t just–”
You cut in. “Go for it.”
“Shoot.” He confirms.
“Power. Forward.” You emphasize, lips curling.
“Cheer. Leader.” Eddie says, gravel in his voice.
Do you know that your hand is still in his hair? Like, are you physically aware of it? (Answer: no.)
Nick. Nicky?
What.
You asleep?
Yes.
Good. I wanna talk to you.
Your head swivels back from the screen. He watched you look away, dart your tongue out onto your lip, look back at him. 
“Eddie.” There’s fizz in your voice.
“Yes, Lacy.” He wonders what flavor. 
“I think…” and you finally extract your hand to lay it in your lap. Withdrawing, willing to be shot down, but you’re you and you know that you won’t be. “We could make a case for making up for lost time.”
Eddie’s mouth has become very dry. “... meaning that…”
“Eddie, I think that you should kiss me like a seventh grader– eighth grader? So weird, why did Wheeler have eight graders at her bir–”
“Lacy. Back on track, please,” which is another horrendously pin point perfect impression of you. And he needs to be sure that you just said what you just said and that isn’t the ghosts of Lipton landing talking.
“We should try it out. An honest-to-god, never-been-done-before Seven Minutes in Heaven kiss. I happen to think it’d fix something in you.”
“Oh, come on,” he scoffs.
“No, I’m serious!” And it is kind of fizzing out of you, and you might not be entirely just talking about him for this next part, “I think you’re holding onto a lot of pent up energy that may have just gotten even more pent since we became, y’know–”
“Zoo animals with parallel enclosures?” Eddie says with an arching eyebrow. 
“Wow,” you swallow a breath. “That really sounded like me.”
“I’m afflicted with a Lacyism from time to time.”
“Is that like astigmatism? Because you should get that looked at.”
“Who died and made you my optometrist?”
“Eddie.” Your voice, coming from your face, which is all dappled in the unserene technicolor glow of the Eckers’ Christmas lights, highlighted by the blaze of the black and white on TV. You make it look like stained glass. He would walk into oncoming traffic– “You trust me, right?” He would go and play on the freeway if you asked him to.
Eddie, Christ, he’s got to gather himself. Like the sweat gathering on his palms, he thinks, great work ethic, I need some of that. He gets a bright idea, brighter than those twinkling lights. “I think I need full authenticity in order to make this experience worth it.”
“What?”
“We need to find a closet.”
It’s pretty much a hard no on whether or not the Eckers have a linen closet (you’re a long way from Maple Lane now, babe), so it’s agreed that you’ll give Granny Ecker’s wardrobe a shot. You follow Eddie in there with tentative steps, like you can almost feel her watching all the way from the Best Western in Indianapolis she’s no doubt staying in. Trespassing is bad, yadda yadda, but it’s also exciting.
It’s exciting, being in here with him. 
He glances back at you, eyes a glimmer in the darkened bedroom. “After you,” and he flourishes a hand toward the open closet. 
You two are so not seventh graders anymore– heads bang against hangers, you’re kind of melting into a lot of denim and fleece and you… you don’t have much breathing room. No lavender detergent, just the beer-and-old-weed-sweet smell of Eddie Munson pushed close to flush against your chest. The scent of that shampoo you both use caught somewhere in the middle. 
Your breathing is so shallow, you feel like you might be having an asthma attack. You don’t have asthma. 
“Tight,” he says, and knits his brows, “I mean–”
“Cozy,” you correct, unsure of where to put your hands.
“We’re not cozy people.”
“So let’s do this,” you attempt to smooth your face into something resembling nonchalance, “Kiss me like a seventh-or-eighth grader, Eddie Munson.”
He clears his throat, shaking his head. A smile keeps flicking and dying on his lips. Heart about to burst out of his chest because of how weird this is, because of how weird you are, because of how– how– 
Eddie knits his fingers behind his back in an imitation of you, your girlish pose, and leans forward. About ninety percent, just in case you decide this was a stupid idea, or you don’t like the look of his face up close, or– or–
You close that perfect ten. Your lips feel like flower petals. Light. Baby-soft. Crushable.
It’s so chaste and it’s so innocent. It’s so the diametric opposite of the two of you, brash and harsh in your diverging, abstracting ways– waving only to meet in the middle. It’s pretty, like you are, and Thumper-from-Bambi-thumping-his-foot nervous like he gets around you.  
You pull away a fraction, and Eddie swallows a sound. To save face, he is about to say something– I give it a six or that’s what I’ve been missing out on this whole time or you flap that mouth an awful lot for someone who doesn’t know how to use it, something equally goading. Something that would make this… normal.
Until you take his bottom lip between yours. And it’s wet there. And it’s warm. And your lips are so, so crushable– 
Eddie’s fingers unweave and find your arms, find your waist. Slow, slow, he takes it slow because he could scare you and he doesn’t want to scare you. You’re curving into him, lips slicking against his, and then his tongue licking it’s way into your mouth which you just fucking open for him and it’s so good–
–and he tastes like salt and smoke and he holds you like he’s anchoring himself against you. Your hands wind on up, up, up his chest, catching on his t-shirt where his chest is (duh duh duh you fucking idiot), where his heart is thrumming under that smatter of a tattoo you got caught staring at that night in his trailer. It’s all you’ve got in you not to tug it up and off him, but Christ, no, because you need to keep kissing him. It’s so nice, it feels so nice, kissing him, when was the last time something felt as nice, that’s all you can think with sensation seeping through your body like a sugar rush. Hands move to either side of his neck and he makes a noise. 
Your fingers, fishing hooks in his hair, pulling him closer and closer to you. 
The heat. Of his body. Matched only by the heat gathering in the cherry pit that lives in your stomach. 
And he needs, god, Eddie needs it fucking bad. It is a lot of things. It includes your tongue so far inside his mouth that you can taste the Tab on his uvula this time. It includes more of your tits pressed against him, so he can feel if your nipples have hardened under his touch. It includes this moment, just this moment, just kissing you as your body winds around him–
But then you pull back. Before he can whisper the little, “No…” that’s coming like a reflex, you cover his mouth with your hand. The mouth that’s all slick from kissing– you. 
Jesus Christ. You had really done that. The stupid, idiot both of you. 
“Guys?”
Eddie, dizzy and down-the-rabbit-hole tipsy Eddie, gets the impulse to lick your hand, to take your fingers in his mouth and just start sucking, but he doesn’t do it. Because he has now snapped to the fact that that’s Ronnie Ecker calling out for you. 
The two of you, twisted around each other like snakes in her grandmother’s closet. 
“Go,” you hiss– no, you breathe. He was just expecting you to hiss. But you’re breathy and unsure about the command you’re giving. Still, you jerk your head. 
Well, Eddie’s pretty hard up about telling you this, but, “Can’t. Need a sec–” Like, can’t you feel that?
Eddie’s standing more than half to attention, pressing in between the both of you. 
You let out a jagged breath that sounds like oh, fuck, and it’s not the kind of oh, fuck he was hoping to hear and his heartbeat stutters. 
And then you’re gone. 
Eddie stands there, hands held aloft around the ghost of you that was there, that was right there and kissing him. Like you meant it, like it wasn’t an experiment or a joke or a dare or anything other than what you wanted. You wanted him. You wanted him. “Oh, Jesus Christ,” he breathes into his hands, dragging them down his face, his lips, the smell of you still lingering around him. “Oh… I am so fucked.”
Kentucky fried fucked. 
You make your way back to the living room on trembly legs, reaching for every steadying surface, attempting to destroy the evidence of a swollen mouth and Munson-finger ruffled hair. You find Ronnie sitting upright on the couch. Nick and Nora have nearly solved the case. You don’t give yourself enough time to make a mask of your face that could easily lie to her. 
“Munson had to pull trig,” you say, and it’s not steady enough for Ronnie to not call bullshit.
But she doesn’t. Not outright anyway.
“He okay?” she asks, nearly wary.
“I don’t know. Could be comin’ out of both ends, I don’t know,” you start scrambling around for your bag and your shoes and your coat and not your right mind because you left that back in the closet, somewhere between Eddie’s teeth and tongue. “Look, I hate to ditch on you, but my mom–”
“She’ll be on your ass,” Ronnie says, measured like a cup. “Sure. Go on. I’ll think about calling 911 if he chokes.”
Breathing out some piss-poor rendition of a thanks, you dip out of Ronnie’s and past his van and all the way back the lot towards home. 
It’s freezing. You’re not. For once.
When Eddie finally reappears from the closet, Ronnie is sitting in the exact same position. Except this time she looks somewhat judgier– maybe because it’s easier to be judgier toward Eddie than it is toward you. Some kind of girl politico he doesn’t understand. 
“You feel better?”
“Huh?” Eddie says. Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. 
“Do you feel better. Lacy told me you had to barf.”
“I… I guess.” Eddie has already cashed in his once-in-a-lifetime lie convincingly to Ronnie Ecker voucher. 
“She also told me you maybe shit yourself?”
Alright, well, that was unnecessary. “Alright, well, that was unnecessary.”
“I guess I was just hoping that…” she sighs, crossing her arms, “... that you weren’t puking and shitting yourself…” she sits back against the couch, “... when you were making out with her. In my… bathroom?”
He really does consider leaving out this detail. “Granny’s closet.”
“Oh, you’re fuckin’ kidding me.”
“She’ll know. She’ll kill me.”
“Oh, she’ll kill ya,” Ronnie mutters, “And then I’ll go to work on ya.”
You two have got to stop fucking each other over like this.
Fucking each other over, conceptually, actually, is interesting. Because Eddie’s done a whole lot of fucking you over in his mind since that closet. Sliding your panties aside and fucking you with his tongue, polyester lace of your stockings creating static against his hair, sparks snapping off your inner thighs as you rub against his nose. 
Following you back to your trailer and fucking you with his fingers against the cold, metal exterior, your nails digging into his neck and your voice stabbing his name into his eardrums. 
Pulling you into his lap in the driver’s seat and tearing through the cotton of your underwear with sheer animalistic fervor, making you lean back against the steering wheel as he sucks your tightened nipples, cock safe and warm in the slick, deep wet of you. 
Somethin’ like that. He didn’t sleep much this weekend.
Mind stuck on the one track, your lips smacking against his. Now in fabulous 3D!
In every single one of these fantasies, too, his idiot sap ass is whining your name fifty billion times more than you’re whining his– so much so that it breaks the fantasy barrier and he’s crying, “Fuck, Lacy-yy–,” into his limp pancake of a pillow, cum careening down a fist that should have nerve damage by now. 
He is exhausted. And to make it worse, he hasn’t seen you. 
He hasn’t even been avoiding you this time. So that’s all on you, you bitch.
“You bitch…” he mumbles, head resting against the cold brick of the newly-unisex senior bathroom, which has become a hellhole in no time. First period on a Monday is usually an okay time to get a bit of peace and fucking quiet, though, because everyone else is at least making an attempt at starting the week off on the right foot. 
But not Eddie. Not worn out, prick-tired Eddie. 
And not whoever is doing a horrible job of hyperventilating in the stall next to him. 
“Excuse me?” a breathless voice says. He thinks he kinda recognizes it but–
Then, ew! Some gagging, some violent coughing, a little ugh, Jesus, please not again–
Eddie slides out of his stall and knocks on the next door– and it swings open with ease. 
She’s crouched over the cistern–gross, fucking gross–and tears are streaming down her peachy cheeks, catching on her pointed chin. 
“Christ, Wheeler. S’matter, you pregnant?”
Nancy Wheeler’s eyes flash in a flare of rage, a choked scoff spitting out of her. She’s about to fucking cuss Eddie out, it looks like, which he kind of wants to see, but then whatever straw that’s holding that together snaps and she lets out this wild sob of total incredulity. 
Ohhh, as much as he would love to bolt out the door like it’s not his problem, Eddie realizes that this has now, somehow, somewhat become kind of his problem. 
“I gotta talk to you.” 
Ronnie Ecker appears like a lightning flash, knocking you clean out of your reverie of slowly crawling fingers and lips and teeth and guilt that had been plaguing you all weekend. 
You had spent most of the last forty eight hours staring into the middle distance, ready to glue upright nails into your shoes and walk on them for penance. You fucking stupid slut. Kiss me like a seventh-eighth grader, Eddie Munson. You unbelievable fucking cowshit. See, because, okay, do you know what you’ve done?
You’ve taken the first real friendship you’ve possibly ever had in your life (save for Phoebe, God rest her soul that moved to Saskatoon) and completely entirely fucked it sideways, and sure, you’ve also spent a lot of the weekend thinking about other things getting fucked sideways, like you since you’re now cursed with the knowledge of the vague suggestion of the outline of Eddie Munson’s dick but moreso, foremostly and mainly you want to fucking take a swandive off the edge of Sattler’s Quarry. 
Addendum– there’s too many quarries in this fucking county. 
A ping-ponging of guilt-to-orgasm-to-guilt-to-orgasm-to-guilt-to-orgasm-to-guilt-to-slinking your way to first period the long way that’s only now broken by Ronnie Ecker coming down on you like an Acme anvil.
Meep meep.
She knows. Of course she knows.
“Ronnie,” you whisper, eyes following her as she lands herself into the aforementioned Munson’s seat behind you, “I can explain…”
“Don’t!” There is this vigor, this knife’s edge in Ronnie’s voice that is terrifying and kind of thrilling but mostly scary and having been in the presence of Granny Ecker even those few times, you knew she always had it in her. 
You recoil. A little.
“If Eddie wants to be a fucking moron about you, please can we just let him, and not–” Ronnie’s mouth clamps closed like a Muppet’s might. Like she’s physically trying to calm herself down. “Look. I really like being your friend.”
Oh, Christ, your heart. “I r– I–”
“You’re dogshit with the emotional stuff, I get that, but I’ve been friends with that asshole so long that wearing my heart on my sleeve is like, second fucking nature so I’m not and I’m pissed off, frankly, that there’s a chance of him coming between, like… us.”
You and Ronnie. You, and your friend Ronnie. “Oh, it’s–”
“Because technically, by absolute technicality, I was your friend first, okay? We were lab partners first and I thought we had a vibe goin’ in Biology and I was the first person you wanted to talk to at the Hellfire table even if it was a thinly veiled ploy but you’re so good at ploys and you’re such a piece of work and you’re so funny and I wouldn’t know what Ponds cold cream actually does if it wasn’t for you. Fuck.”
“Granny’s a soap and water girl.” There’s a fluttering in your chest and a thickening in your throat. You swallow big, and you think you might actually start– “This doesn’t mean I’m gonna try fencing, Ron.”
“But it’s fucking cool, even if we do it with sticks.”
You take her in, baseball cap shoved over her coiled hair, darned-all-to-hell sweater sagging out under her overalls and you really feel like something is about to bust out of your chest. Your honest-to-god friend, Ronnie Ecker. 
“Miss Ecker, last time I checked, that’s not your assigned seat.” God, Kaminsky’s such a relentless dickwad.
“I’m having a conversation,” Ronnie says, with the kind of as-yet-unheard volume from her that makes the rest of the class go ooooh!
Jesus fucking Christ, have you turned Ronnie Ecker into a bad girl?
“I don’t give a shit!” rumpled Kaminsky says, slapping that dusty chalkboard duster full of dust, “Have it in detention.”
“Hey! That’s–”
But if you can do one thing for Ronnie. “No can doozy, Mr K, Miss Ecker has a prior commitment.” 
“Oh, Jesus Christ, not you again,” he mumbles not-quite-under his breath. “And what is that? Lacy?”
Before you can even say the words peer tutoring, none other than Eddie Munson is barrelling through the door. He stops comically short at the top of the classroom, gesturing to Ronnie in his seat like what the fuck? 
“Lacy!” he eventually says, and he’s breathless and flustered and just like you imagined him in–
“Munson, what in the name of the goddamn Father Almighty–”
“Weekly Streak–” and guy is just snapping his fingers, blinking wildly at you, “–thing!”
You stare on in a state of confusion until you spy Nancy Wheeler right in your eyeline, right through the open classroom door. Her little face streaked with tears, and god, she looks like shit, and she’s beckoning to you with a flutter and a fury. 
“No, of course!” a little murmuring, uh, shit, and you hurry to the top of the classroom, slamming the homework that Kaminsky’s obviously going to ask for on his desk with a rattle. 
“Kaminsk, my man, the future of print media is forever in your debt!” Eddie calls, ushering you out the door and into the echoey hallway. 
“What is going on?”
Both Eddie and Nancy shuffle you down the hallway, avoiding the monitors (rat finks!), dipping under the east stairwell. A great stairwell. So much illicit shit has happened in this stairwell and you have an itemized list of it all, somewhere in your brain. The kind of person people tell things to.
Nancy’s just full tilt gulping like a fish out of water, and Eddie’s all, “Wait, shit, are you gonna barf again?” and you’re all, “Answers, please, tout suite!”
“I’m late.” Nancy’s voice doesn’t even tremble. She’s that scared.
“Fuck.”
“Very?”
“Extremely.”
“You’re sure?” you press, and suddenly you’re the kind of person that grabs Nancy Wheeler’s shoulders. 
Her lip trembles. “I mean, I haven’t–” 
“Well, we gotta. Right now.” And it occurs to you that Eddie is just standing there, a polite enough distance away that he’s involved but kind of not involved, but respecting the space that you two need. How does he know how to do that? How does he always know the right… “Eddie.” 
He snaps to attention, mouth all serious and eyes all eager. You want to kiss him again, but this shit is not about you. 
“We need a ride to the drugstore.” 
The three of you pile into Eddie’s van, him insisting on doing the honors of opening the passenger door for you again, and Nancy quietly requesting that you share the passenger seat with her. You two are squished together, her spindly thighs overlapping yours. Denim versus dark suede. There is a very tense silence in place the entire van ride there, Nancy digging her nails into her palm and Eddie nervously thrumming against the steering wheel. The tape deck plays resumes mid-play– Metallica’s Ride the Lightning. 
For your part, you experience a harsh zoom-out moment– Nancy, who you’ve learned is almost as strong-headed as you, just on a better moral track (lawful good versus chaotic neutral, you think Eddie once framed it), is stranded. She’s the eldest sibling to that little shitstain Michael and Holly, who’s a baby so to you has no discernible personality, and her mother is kind of an airhead and her father… you don’t know shit about, but it’s Hawkins, so dads. The responsibility of everything seems to fall on her all the time, and you can only be so resourceful as a teenage girl in a town like this. Especially when the other teenage girls seem to, at best, keep you at arm’s length, or at worst, ostracize you. 
And Nancy had lost Barbara Holland. Who, when she mentions her, is talked about with such a glow that’s followed by such a wave of sadness that it nearly takes you under too.
She misses her so much. She misses her best friend so much. 
Barb should be the one dealing with this. Not you. Which sounds like you’re shirking responsibility. But really, it’s because you don’t know if you fully deserve the privilege of helping Nancy. 
Truth is, Nancy would probably be okay, handling this on her own. Sure, it’d be another inch of depth added to the chasm of loneliness building in that poor girl’s psyche, but she’d do it, because she’s Nancy and she handles things.
Just like you’re Lacy and you handle things. 
But however Eddie Munson ended up as part of this situation… he brought her to you. Because he knew you’d know what to do. So she wouldn’t have to do it alone. 
Because Eddie doesn’t want people to do things alone. 
You only really have that impulse if you know how terrible it feels. 
And if you don’t see kindness as a weakness.
Which Nancy doesn’t. And Eddie doesn’t. And you… don’t want to, anymore.
You reach and peel Nancy’s fingernails from the grooves they’re digging into her flesh. You don’t even look at the half-moon marks they’ve made. You just glue her palm to your palm and web your fingers. And over the frizz of Nancy’s perm–the nice kind, salon kind, the kind that doesn’t stink of egg–you look at Eddie, just as he glances at you.
He smiles, small and unsure and wavering. You bite your lips between your teeth and try the same. 
“Shit, I don’t think I can go in here.” 
The van has skidded into an inconspicuous (but not entirely, because have you seen that fucking vehicle) place near the drugstore.
“Why?”
“People– the pharmacist knows my mom and everything,” Nancy shudders, “There’s no way that people won’t have something to– fucking say.”
Eddie’s eyes widen and you give him a look like, welcome to the Nancy Wheeler Actually Swears Club. Care for a canape?
And y’know, you could argue so what. So what if people have something to say. You’re young, mistakes happen, the world keeps turning. But one skip in a perfect twelve-inch record of reputation like Nancy’s can make her life a living hell. You know that. 
Shit, she knows that– you weren’t not aware of that stroke of creative genius vandalism that went up on the Hawk marquee that one time.  
And it would shatter Nancy’s mom’s heart. And while you don’t have the same time of day for her, Nancy really loves her mom. 
Once you’ve ruined your reputation, you can live quite freely. 
That moveable feast motherfucker was onto something. 
Click, and Eddie’s glovebox pops open in a clatter of tapes and a one-hitter and other ephemera. You reach in, retrieving sunglasses you’d left in here a little bit ago. 
“So let’s give ‘em something to talk about,” you say, sliding on the shades. 
Nancy clutches your arm, eyes wide and searching. “Lacy.”
You shrug, like it’s nothing. Except nerves have started nibbling at you. “Spot me a ten. What am I, a goddamn Rockefeller?”
“Not anymore,” Eddie Munson grins at you. Sun breaking through the bleak midwinter. The nerves cease their nibbling. 
The tension doesn’t exactly ease when you make a beeline for the drugstore (particularly because you’ve just accepted a goddamn miniature hero’s quest and he’s a little… well, he’s not not watching your ass as you walk away, let’s put it that way). 
Eddie and Nancy Wheeler are still absolutely enormous universes apart. Not even the same species. He doesn’t mind keeping it that way. This right here is just, like… the right thing to do. 
He moves to turn the radio down, figuring that the thrum of Fade to Black might be a little much for her right now. “Sorry. Didn’t mean for–”
“No, it’s okay.” Wheeler smiles that flat, priss smile reserved for the barest of polite gestures. 
Eddie nods, propping his elbow against the window, cupping his face in his hand. He keeps kind of sneaking sidelong glances toward Wheeler, because– well, had you told her anything? About… Seven Minutes in Heaven? Does she even remember that, from her birthday party all that time ago? He knew that you two weren’t exactly tight, but were well on your way to getting tight, but not as tight as you are with Ronnie and certainly not as tight as you are–or were–with him and Jesus Christ almighty, he’s got to find a synonym for the word tight.
“You… play Dungeons and Dragons, right?” Wheeler asks all of a sudden.
Eddie glances down– he is in fact wearing his Hellfire shirt. She’s a sharp one, that Nancy.
“I dabble,” he says, a derisive little chuckle that’s not all-the-way mean spirited.
Wheeler bobs her head. “My brother, Mike,” she says, and he sees now that it’s an effort to keep her nerves steady, “he loves it. Like, he’s totally obsessed. Him, and his friends, they’ve got their own little party going. Majorly long campaigns, very involved.” 
“Campaigns, parties. Using terminology like that, I’d say you’re something of a dabbler, Wheeler.”
Nancy chuckles. “I– may have dressed up as an elf for one. Or two. When I was way, way younger, though.”
“Well, your brother– Mike?” Eddie checks and Nancy nods, “Once he gets to high school, why dontcha tell him to look up Hellfire. Could be the best-worst decision he’ll make for the next four years of his life.”
“Right, because you’ll be passing the torch,” she says, grinning.
“And possibly to a Wheeler. Oh my stars and garters,” Eddie gasps, clutching his chest in mock-shock. 
Wheeler laughs and, okay, maybe she’s not so bad.
“Shoot, we have movement.” And out you come, holding the Advance pregnancy test over your head, gleaming and victorious– but Eddie and Nancy flap their hands, willing you to put that fucking thing away! We’re being subtle!
Climbing back in the van, you announce, “Alright, so the good news– no doctoral interference, obviously. The wonders of modern medicine, everybody give thanks to Johnson and Johnson, et cetera. The bad news– who knows of somewhere we can steal–” you glance back at the box, “--thirty glorious uninterrupted minutes of time?”
“Lacy, I can just–” Nancy starts, but you stop her short with a tap to the head. 
“And have you sitting in class all day with your guts churning because you don’t know what’s up or down that spout? I think the fuck not. We’re doing this now.” This is out of the goodness of your heart, you swear it is. 
But there might be a fraction, just a generous sliver, that still loves the drama. 
Like Steve Harrington, it’s not an immediate shed of the ego. It’s a slough. 
“Well, my place is a no-go,” Nancy tells you, shrugging into herself. “My mom will definitely be home.”
“Ditto,” and your mother is the only person you know that loves gossip more than you do. Besides Eddie, of course. 
After a beat or two of wondering silence, Eddie raises a hand. “I may… have someplace… we can go.”
How many cherry bombs does it take to make a boy’s bathroom look like the bombing of Dresden?
“So fuuun fact, turned out that some nerd swiped a hunk of sodium from the Chemistry lab and just blew this mother to shit,” Eddie brightly informs you and Nancy as the two of you pour over the instructions for the pregnancy test kit. 
“While everyone was distracted by Heather Holloway’s implants, you mean?” you murmur, scanning over the small-sheet size booklet.
“Streets are saying she was an accomplice.”
Holy fuck, these instructions were involved. Nancy stands clutching the little rectangular tray that her pee is supposed to go in, nailing Eddie with a look beyond normal categorical nerves. “You’re sure no one’s gonna come in here?” 
He shakes his head. There might as well be police tape all over the door of this bathroom, that’s how off limits it is. “It’s cold, it’s broken, it smells gross. Maybe some people are using this place to huff paint, but I can guarantee, Wheeler–” and he bends a little to meet her earnest eyes, “--I will bark like a fucking rabid dog to clear ‘em away if I need to.” 
Nancy nods shortly. Jerk, jerk. She disappears into the least dilapidated stall with her pee rectangle. 
“God, she is so scared,” Eddie murmurs to you, crossing his arms. 
You’re still studying the instructions. This shit has droppers and test tubes and color changing strips, oh my. “Pissing shouldn’t be a problem, then.”
Wrong.
“Guys.”
“Yes?” “Yeah, Wheeler?”
“I’m a little, ahem–” Bladder shy. Perfect. Awesome. Not that you guys aren’t going to be shacked up here for thirty minutes anyway, but that’s only after Nancy Wheeler goes number one and you, like, mix up the pregnancy oracle potion. 
Shit. “We’ve gotta do something to like, make her chill out–” Eddie half-mouths at you. 
“Yeah, but she’s so high strung, that’s like–” a spark hits you. “Wait, have you got anything on you?”
“Fresh out. Waiting on a shipment from Lipton landing.” 
You smack him, not even thinking, and he winces. “And all that shit you were smoking the other day, that was–” “That was market research, babe, and I told you that–”
Nancy clears her throat from inside the stall. “Please, don’t quit bickering on my account. I’m only trying to figure out whether or not I need to start rehearsing lullabies.” 
Damn Nancy, Eddie mouths and you almost laugh. Wait.
“Nance, what’s your favorite song?” 
“Huh?”
You shake your hands. “Like, the song you absolutely cannot go without hearing? The one that makes you feel, just–”
“Ticklish?” Eddie suggests, the paragon of knowledge, the pinnacle of your annoyance. You thump him again. “I need a safe word.”
“Um– uh…”
“C’mon, Wheeler, the song that makes you feel just… awesome and chill and on top of the fucking world, c’mon!” Eddie encourages, kicking detritus around the bathroom floor.
Nancy eventually, eventually mumbles something. 
You pivoting around on your heel by the sink. “Louder, Wheeler, I wasn’t born with sonar.”
“It’s– it’s ‘Just What I Needed’.”
What? Eddie mouths to you, arms binding across his chest. 
“What, like– The Cars, ‘Just What I Needed’?”
A pause from Nancy’s end. “... yeah.”
You know this song. You know that song, right, it’s like duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-DEW-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-DEW… Shaking yourself out, you brace up like a boxer heading into the ring. 
“Gimme a lead in, Nancy.” Holy fucking shit, you’re really doing this. Nancy hesitates, probably because she can’t believe any of you are really doing this. 
A mumble… “I don’t mind you comin’ here…”
“--and wastin’ all my time!” you jump in, “”cause when you’re standin’ oh so near, I kinda lose my mind…” 
Visions of a plush lilac bedroom, yours, and a mountain of clothes and makeup and drained wine cooler bottles on the floor. You, standing on your bed in your socks and shorts, vamping– Tina and Carol singing hairbrush backup, Nicole on air guitar and Cass smoking out the window. There were flashes of this, you know, when it wasn’t all boiling vitriol and subtle shivving and one-up-manship. When you and those girls that you wished you weren’t near but knew you needed actually felt like friends. 
A memory like that makes you feel empty. 
“It’s not the perfume that you wear,” oh my god, “It’s not the ribbons–in–your–hair,” is he really, “And I don’t mind you comin’ here– and wastin’ all my time!”
Why the fuck does Eddie Munson know this song?! Your jaw drops open, your eyes go wide and your feet stamp against the tile like a goddamn kid. Yes! Yes! Amazing! You’re both so fucking out of tune, like there is absolutely a reason he does not sing a single note in Corroded Coffin but by god alive, you’re giving it everything you got in that fucked up boy’s bathroom. 
Eddie’s so much better at it than you are, pouring every bit of obnoxious showmanship into it that he possibly can– complete with pulling you in for a fully nonsensical dance number. You spin into him, crashing into his chest with a clumsiness you never thought possible, laughing so hysterically that you can barely get the words out. He’s holding the reins, and holding that falsetto so badly you think the mirrors will shatter. 
Your skin is buzzing, your heart is hammering and Eddie is pressed against your back and you are both scream-singing to the door of Nancy’s cubicle– “I guess you’re just what I needed! Just what I needed! I needed someone to feed– I guess you’re just what I needed! Just what I needed I needed someone to–”
“Pee! Pee, you guys, I’m peeing!” Nancy’s voice, bright and high from actually laughing, rings from the busted toilet. 
You and Eddie erupt into a triumphant yell, him shaking you like a rag doll against him. The laughter peels away and then it’s just kind of him, looking at you from over your shoulder. His arms wrapped tight around your waist. His lips, a little cracked. Breath a little labored. Lashes still so long. You nearly–
The door flings open and he jumps away from you first. Nancy heads toward the sink and you resume the position, helping her figure out the Chemistry play set that holds the answer to how the rest of her life pans out. Thirty whole minutes, they’ve got to wait. 
Nancy notes the time on her watch. 
She even suggests that you guys can go at one point, but Eddie reminds her that a) he’s keeping an eye out for paint huffers and b) “... y’know, maybe it’s not so great to…” “Do this on your own,” you finish for him. Nancy nods, silent and grateful and so fucking nervous. 
At about the seventeen minute mark, when you and Eddie have smoked four cigarettes each and Nancy has tried a puff of one (“Nope,” she hacks, “still totally vile…”), Eddie tosses this stink bomb between you two. Nancy has excused herself to stand with her head against the cubicle door. Something about calming her nerves. Coming up with a plan. Something to tell Steve, no doubt. 
So it’s just you and Eddie, you sitting on the edge of the sink and Eddie rhythmically kicking the wall. 
“You ever wanna be a mom?”
“Jesus, what a time to land that one on me.” You almost make a joke like you haven’t even stuck it in me yet, but that’s in bad taste. And implies a yet. 
Eddie smiles over his shoulder, fluttering his eyelashes. Stupid. Stupid eyelashes. “Grounds of relevance.”
You pinch your lips between your teeth. “... fine. But, I fully reserve the right to change my answer given the fact that we are eight-shitting-teen years old.”
He points to the cubicle and mutters, “Well, she’s seventeen.”
You, wide-eyed at his dumbassery, mouth I know!
“Okay. Sorry. Go.”
“Fuuuuuck no. No babies pour moi, merci, c’est bon, au revoir!”
Eddie turns to lean against the wall, propping one leg up. God, but he does lean great. 
“Why?”
“Genetic fate.”
“Huh?”
A sigh flutters out of you, shoulders slumping forward. “A certain… how do you say, thread of assholery runs through my family, I don’t know if you’ve noticed.” 
Eddie nods sagely and you kind of want to punch him for it. “Daddy issues. Right.”
“Uh!” A hand flies up in your defense. “Let who among us here without them cast the first stone.”
From the cubicle, Nancy calls, “Not me.”
Surrendering, Eddie grumbles, “Yeah, not me either.”
“Glad we agree.”
There’s another tick and tock of silence, and you get the distinct feeling of something being pried open in the atmosphere. 
“... whatever happened with your dad, anyway?”
Ah. The million dollar question. Whatever happened with your dad, so-called upstanding member of the Hawkins community, poor little poor boy done rich, scaling his way up the ladder of property management in this delightful little Midwestern enclave?
“Not a big fan of the news, are we, Munson?”
He seems to grimace at you tugging on his surname. “Print’s too small.”
“Taking offense to that,” Nancy chimes. 
“It was the big ‘E’,” you say, kind of not into bantering about it. 
“‘E’... ‘E’... ‘E’...” Eddie kicks the wall on each utterance. Possibly forgetting that he could also be the big ‘E’, if he wanted. You wonder if, just in terms of size…
“Embezzlement, Eddie,” you cut that thought off cold. 
His eyes widen, eyebrows shooting under his shaggy bangs. “Shooooot.”
“Score.”
“What all did he, like… embezzle?”
The raising of the hackles is not entirely intentional. “Y’know who’d be able to answer that question, Eddie?”
But he sees it. He calms it. In unison, you both shrug, “Al Munson.”
Boom! Cubicle door flies open again. You’re starting to think that Nancy might just love making an entrance. Lot of flourishing happening here. Not entirely unlike Eddie in that way. 
“It’s time.” 
Each and every one of you beeline to where the test is set up on one of the sinks. Nancy gingerly plucks the offending strip from the test tube and Eddie, a man with money on his mind, asks another million dollar question. “So how do you know…”
You grab the instruction leaflet that you’d been tearing corners off of, making it look nearly moth-bitten. “Wait, it’s white, right?”
“It’s white,” Nancy whispers.
“It’s not, like… off blue, or…”
“No, that is white,” she’s trembling. “Is white– is that good, or– I can’t remember.”
“Nancy Wheeler…” you breathe, peeking over the paper, “Congratulations. You are nobody’s mother!” 
She emits a shriek like nothing you’ve ever heard and barrels straight into you, near knocking you off your feet with a strength you didn’t know this little waif was capable of possessing. Her arms wrap boa constrictor tight around you, her words bubbling over like a shook up can of pop. “Jesus Christ, I’m so relieved, I just– I–!”
“You’re relieved?!” Eddie yells, ringed hands tearing down his face, “I’m way too young to be an uncle! Fuck! Thank god!”
Nancy chokes out a laugh through her tears, tears of relief, thank god and– and you don’t know if it’s selfish and you don’t know if it’s possible but you hope… you hope that’s helped close the chasm. Just a little bit. That she didn’t have to do this all alone in a shithouse bathroom that smells like sulfur and piss. 
Breaking away from you (damn, you wish you knew how to hug), Nancy straightens herself up. Not that she needs to. She’s a pretty crier, that bitch. 
“Just one more thing, you guys.” 
“Anything,” you say before you even know you’ve said it. 
“This is… between us, okay?” her eyes dart from you to Eddie, and you both take a step closer to her. Ceremoniously, Nancy holds out her two pinkie fingers. You link. Eddie links. His finger looks comically large compared to hers– and yours, when he reaches and hooks it around your unsuspecting baby finger. 
“No one can know. No one needs to know.” There’s that headstrong Wheeler reserve you’d been missing. 
“Cross my heart,” you proclaim.
“Hope to d– well, I don’t hope to die, that’s a little dramatic–”
“Eddie!” you both bark, varying degrees of amusement. Yours is on the lower end. “Swear on something real,” you push. 
He hesitates a moment, then gives Nancy a look. “Alright. Swear on Hellfire.” 
“Swear on Hellfire,” Nancy grins all tight, and kisses her right hand, hooked into Eddie’s finger. “Lacy?”
“Swear on Hellfire…” You mumble, rolling your eyes and kissing your Nancy’d hand. You need to swallow, first, before you tug your hand that’s hooked into Eddie’s toward your mouth. 
And he does the worst thing. He leans down to meet your gaze, suckering you right in as his lips pout. They’re hungry. You’ve met those lips. “Swea-aar,” he sing-songs. 
“--on Hellfire, okay,” you scoff, half-laughing into the little kiss. 
“Ha!” Eddie barks, so fucking loud that it jumps off the walls. “Trick! You just made a deal with the devil, ladies, so I hope you enjoy eternal damnation at the hands of yours truly!”
Dumb as he is, Eddie might be right. If the way you’re looking at him is anything to go by.
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author's notes: MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKERS. WE GOT IT WE DID IT WE MADE THEM KISS WE MADE THEM REALIZE SOMETHINGS NOT ALL THE THINGS SURELY BUT IT'S. IT'S SOMETHING. IT'S A START! on to the fun bits, like the jokes in the christmas crackers - absolutely obsessed with the mental image of eddie munson's bangs grown too long and he looking like this - cherry bombs down the john is a reference to the classic prank but mostly to american graffiti my beloved. later in the chapter, eddie says that some kid just threw some sodium down there which is something i read about on this reddit thread when researching cherry bombs. domestic terrorism at hawkins high! - p.t. barnum is that mfer that the greatest showman is based on. horrible man! not a fan! - heather holloway's jayne mansfield titties got me thinking about the jayne mansfield-sophia loren photo which has its own wikipedia page??? anyway, lacy coded! - black christmas is a stunning christmas horror film from 1974, which is loosely in part based on a bunch of murders that happened in the westmount neighborhood in montreal, quebec. fun fact, i just moved back from mtl after living there for a year. anyway black christmas kicks ASS - lipton landing is 100% a juno reference. big up my king elliot page - the thin man is one in a series of fantastic lil films from the 1930s all about nick and nora charles, a married couple that get drunk and SOLVE CRIMES. i'm not doing it justice by describing it that way but myrna loy and william powell are the royals of married banter and i model everything i write after their rhythm, more or less. - you're trying to tell me eddie munson didn't do whippets as a kid fucking wise up - one of my personal precious favourite recurring jokes in this series is 'who died and made you my x' and baby. i love a recurring joke - ronnie saying "oh she'll kill ya. then i'll go to work on ya," is a special reference because a) it's from my favourite film of all time, ocean's eleven and b) ayo edebiri, who i've fancast as ronnie ecker, has an ocean's eleven tattoo. we are sisters and also wives! - meep meep! - all i could think about when writing about how guilty lacy was - another metallica needle drop!!!! - pregnancy tests in the 80s really were that insane and involved! there's a great scene in glow (rest in fucking PEACE! gone but never forgotten) of alison brie's character using one, and here's more of the history - maybe the best needle drop of this whole series imo - finally peeped into those daddy issues. look forward to more of that and with that my hellcats, i wish you the merriest of holiday seasons wherever you find yourself and whatever you're doing. i will be back after the christmas break because i have to fully wreck my bank account and see every single person i have ever known and drink every espresso martini on dry land. sorry if there's typos in this, i have been labouring over it for... ever. reblogs, comments, likes and asks are always appreciated and i love you so much it's bordering on criminal! thank you!!!!
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rafaelaaron · 4 months
Text
𝗣𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝘂𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲 | 𝗔𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗻 𝗛𝗼𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗲𝗿
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Summary: You comfort Aaron after a tough case
cw: fbi!reader, typical criminal minds violence, mentions of Haley, drinking
Word count: 1.25k
A/N: English is not my first language, sorry for any grammatical mistakes
It's gonna be okay
Everyone needs a bad day
Remember you told me
You're not alone, just pick up the phone
And call me whenever you're feeling lonely
Remember you told me
You're not alone, just pick up the phone
- pick up the phone by Henry Moodie
*
The Counter-terrorism Unit shared the same floor with the BAU, making it easier to keep in touch and check each other's departure and return.
Not that it mattered much.
Except Agent Hotchner and Agent Y/L/N.
The two units were not exactly close nor held a joint investigation frequently. Still, Hotch and you shared a fair amount of time since the first joint investigation which was against numerous bombs installed near tourist attractions in DC.
You had occasional coffee breaks in the hallway sometimes and worked late in Hotch's office together to avoid working alone, both being the infamous workaholics in each other's unit.
“Hey.”
You saw the BAU agents getting out of the elevator, all of them exhausted. Hotch gave you a short nod before disappearing into the bullpen, which was odd for him because he always talked to you, even briefly. Although you were not a profiler, you could read his stress signs only because you spent enough time with him to know that.
“Bad case?”
“Yes, especially to Hotch. We saved a boy, but not his mother. Guess it reminded him of Foyet.”
“That’s awful.”
“Someone needs to talk to him.”
JJ shrugged and waved her hand, walking away. You stood there, biting your lips in concern. Hotch’s look made you worry about him all day at your desk while doing paperwork.
Your mind went back to a certain night several months ago, when he held you in his arms as you cried after failing to save a life in your first joint investigation. He had knocked on your door, asking if you were okay before you collapsed in his arms.
"I feel awful, Hotch."
"Please, don't blame yourself. You did everything you could."
His thumb had gently wiped tears away from your cheeks, smiling softly.
"When you feel bad, just call me. I will come right to you, or at least listen to you when I'm far away."
You had nodded and followed his words, calling whenever you needed his soothing voice and words.
You knew that he would need you too. However, you could tell that he would never call you or come to you, being stubborn. So as soon as you handed the files to your unit chief, you went to the BAU.
“Agent Rossi,”
“Agent Y/L/N. As I know, Aaron went home about 30 minutes ago.”
Rossi said with a wink.
“No wonder you're a profiler.”
You rolled your eyes playfully with a smile and went straight to Hotch's place. You called him first but he didn't answer, worrying you even more.
“Pick up the phone, please.”
You whispered almost desperately, dialing once more. He still didn't answer as you parked your car in front of his apartment.
“Hotchner, open the door before I kick it op—”
Your continuous knock was interrupted by him opening the door.
“Y/N,”
“Aaron,”
“What are you doing here?”
Your stomach dropped seeing him. His hair was messy as if he ran his hand multiple times through it. His tie was loosened and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone. His shoulder was tense and his eyes were slightly red. You could conclude that he had been drinking scotch, but you have never seen him like this.
“Well, uh, JJ told me it was a bad case and since you are too stubborn to call me, I thought it would be better to visit you myself and I don't know, probably just listen to whatever you say?”
You rambled, suddenly not sure if you could help him feel better. Hotch just stared at you for a while before dragging you into his house by your hand. You sat down next to him on the couch, his hand never letting yours go.
“I wanted to answer your call,”
He began after a moment of silence.
“But I didn't want to be a burden to you.”
“You know you never are.”
He dropped your hand, his shoulder slumped. You opened your arm and he hesitantly moved toward you, wrapping his arms around your waist. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“The unsub kills the mother and a child in the house, waits for the father to come home, and forces him to kill himself. We could save the child, but not his mother, and his father came home to witness the unsub being arrested. I— I saw him being devastated, and—”
“That reminded you of yourself. And Haley.”
You finished for him, and he nodded, burying his face deeper and letting stray tears seep into your shirt collar. You gently rubbed his back, waiting for him to calm down.
“I’ve got you, Aaron. It’s alright.”
He pulled away eventually, flashing his rare smile bashfully.
“Sorry, Y/N.”
“Don’t be, Aaron. You always try to comfort me, and I am just returning the favor.”
“Thanks. I feel much better now.”
You suddenly had no idea what to do now. You were still worried about him, but you didn’t want to make him more uncomfortable by staying there longer. So you glanced at your wristwatch, realizing it was already past 10.
“It’s late. I gotta go, I guess.”
You rose to your feet and took a few steps toward the front door when he grabbed one of your wrists and pulled you down. His strength had you practically sitting on his lap. Hotch's eyes drifted down briefly to your lips but went back up right after.
“...Aaron?”
“As you said, it's late, and you should stay the night.”
“Aaron, it's fine—”
“It's the least I can do.”
His intense gaze and firm grip around your wrist left no room to argue. You sighed and accepted his suggestion.
“Then I'll use the guest bedroom.”
“No, honey, sleep next to me.”
You blinked your eyes slowly, your brain trying to process that he had just called you 'honey' for the first time, and wanted you to sleep next to him.
“I won't do anything, I promise. I just— I don't think I can sleep alone.”
“Sure.”
You nodded and he led you to the bedroom, handing some of his clothes to you.
You lay on the bed facing him. He was giving you a look you couldn't quite decipher.
“What?”
“Nothing,”
Hotch smiled ever so slightly and you would've missed it had you not known him so well.
“Just, thank you for stopping by.”
“You're welcome, Aaron.”
You returned his smile, but only bigger.
“Good night, Y/N.”
“Good night, Aaron.”
He watched you sleeping for a while before falling asleep himself, adoring the way you are looking so peaceful.
“Morning,”
Hotch was leaning against the doorframe, each hand holding steamy mugs. His shirt hugged him perfectly, his tie hanging loosely around his neck.
“Morning,”
You replied sleepily, and asked,
“Feel better?”
“Yeah, thanks to you.”
He smiled, genuinely this time. You realized how much you loved to hear his morning voice and see his smile.
“Come on, I made some breakfast.”
“Never knew you could make pancakes.”
“I try.”
"These are amazing, Aaron."
When you finished the pancakes, his 'that' look showed up once again.
“What?”
“Nothing. You need to get changed, right?”
“Mmhmm.”
“I'll drive you home.”
“I drove here yesterday.”
“You can pick up your car later. It's the least I can do."
You shrugged, secretly liking the idea of Hotch driving you home.
When you arrived at the 6th floor of Quantico with him, he whispered,
“Have a nice day, Y/N.”
“You too, Aaron.”
Hotch watched you walk away towards the other side of the hallway for a long time.
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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year
Note
For the requests: traumatized steve & eddie going to a wolf sanctuary and eddie watching steve basically live with the wolves in their area. And the one wolf,the one that hated everyone, the one who meaner and didn't get along with anyone to its cruel abusive situation (perhaps it was raised from puppyhood and onwards by people who used it in dogfighting, before it was rescued, that wolf, goes right up to Steve and sits by him. Giving him comfort. When Steve has bad nightmares he goes to that wolf's pen and they sleep cuddled together bc that wolf also has nightmares. (It can also be a wolfdog)
AS ALWAYS YOU COME THROUGH WITH SOMETHING FUN AND CREATIVE AND AS ALWAYS I MAKE IT EMOTIONAL AS SHIT!!! I was feelin' some type of way yesterday and started on this at peak emotional upheaval, which is really something I don't recommend. As many things tend to do, this got away from me and I think I could've still let it keep going, but I had to cut it off. Hope you love it!!! - Mickala ❤️
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It was Robin’s idea.
She knew therapy wasn’t working. She knew firsthand that the nightmares, especially Steve’s, were impossible to handle some nights.
She stayed with him enough after the Russians to know he was averaging four hours of restless sleep on a good night.
And now that he’d seen the horrors of the Upside Down, and Eddie almost dying, and Max almost dying, and the guilt of just existing, they were worse.
Eddie had them, but he was usually able to calm down relatively quickly, usually even fall back into a dreamless sleep after.
His problem was just seeing the bats everywhere, even when he was awake. A large bird would fly by and he was ducking for cover like a bomb would be dropped on him. He’d hear screeching, sometimes even just kids yelling at the park, and he’d have a panic attack.
Drastically different problems, but Robin said this could help with both of them.
So Steve and Eddie stood outside the wolf sanctuary, staring at the front office entrance where they were told to check in.
They glanced at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.
It’s not that they were scared. They’d been told about the process on the phone in great detail, the sanctuary director answering all of their questions in a friendly tone.
She’d said that the wolf sanctuary had been used as a form of therapy for people for years now, though many psychiatrists didn’t consider it an appropriate treatment.
Considering Steve and Eddie had been seeing a professional psychiatrist for months now with no progress and serious weight loss and migraines from their prescriptions, they were willing to give this a fair shot.
But their fear that it wouldn’t work kept circling through their minds.
If this didn’t work, they weren’t sure what else they could possibly try.
That was terrifying.
They were supposed to stay for a month, with the option of extending the stay if they felt they needed it.
It was expensive.
But this was on the US government, and Eddie was always quick to spend their money for his benefit.
Steve was just along for the ride.
They walked in together, both nervously looking around at the chairs and desks, bookshelves, pictures of wolves and mountains on the walls, and one small, gray-haired woman at the front desk.
“Oh, aren’t you two precious! Which one’s Steve and which one’s Eddie?”
“I’m Steve,” Eddie smirked as he held out his hand.
Steve smacked his arm.
“He’s Eddie, and he’s probably gonna be this way the whole time. Sorry in advance,” Steve told the woman.
“This is wonderful! You’ll be fun to have around. I’m Fran, I run the front office. I spoke to you the other day on the phone a bit about the check in. Are you boys ready?”
They both nodded.
She clapped her hands together in excitement.
Steve could tell Eddie loved her. She was full of theatrics like he was, every word punctuated by an exaggerated movement.
“First, the boring part. We did some of the first part over the phone, but these packets need to be filled out completely and given back to me. You can have a seat anywhere to do those. When that’s done, I’ll show you where to bring your bags so you can unpack and get comfortable. We can do a tour before dinner.”
She placed the packets on the desk in front of her, then took two pens out of a mug and placed them down too.
“If you have any questions, let me know. You two are just the cutest!”
She walked through a small doorway a few feet behind her desk and they grabbed the packets to start filling them out.
The first page was basic personal information, which had been filled out already. The second page was emergency contact information and how they were referred. But the third page is where it got difficult.
It has questions like “What is your worst memory?” and “Who is the person you would most expect to protect you in a life or death situation? Why?”
And while Eddie and Steve could probably answer those easily from terrible experiences, there was a lot they weren’t allowed to say.
So they just stuck with the official government stories for any and all Upside Down related parts, which was most of them.
Fran bustled back in, two steaming mugs in her hands. She set them on her desk carefully and then walked over to where Eddie was sitting.
“How’s it going?”
“Good. Almost done,” he smiled up at her.
“And you, dear?” She asked Steve.
“Good. I’m sorry I write kind of slow.”
Steve’s face was red, like he was embarrassed. Eddie watched as he focused on the paper in front of him, his hand moving slowly across the paper.
Steve’s concussions had a lot of lasting effects; migraines and one ear that was barely working, the occasional speech delay, and an inconvenient struggle with writing, especially if it was answering questions about himself like this.
Eddie distracted Fran as he wrote his last answer, talking to her about her favorite part of the sanctuary and how long she’s been working here.
He handed the packet to her when he was done, glancing over at Steve to see he was just starting on the last page.
“Hey, Fran, would it be okay if you helped me get our bags from the car while Steve finishes up?”
Steve sent him a grateful smile as he continued answering the questions on the paper.
As he walked with Fran to the car, she touched his arm.
“He’s got a lot going on, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah. He’s been dealing with this a lot longer than I have,” Eddie smiled sadly at her, touching her hand to accept the comfort she was giving and give some in return. “I hope this works for both of us, but I’d be happy as long as it works for him.”
“You care a lot about him.”
It wasn’t a question, and her tone wasn’t judging, but Eddie could just tell. He should panic, he should tell her it wasn’t like that. And it wasn’t for Steve.
But he’d been hiding it for so long, and somehow successfully, he couldn’t lie to her.
“I love him. He doesn’t know how much. I did this for him, mostly. I mean I want it to help me too, but I know he wouldn’t have tried this if I didn’t come and he,” Eddie sighed. “He needs this. He can’t keep going like he has been.”
Fran pulled him into a hug and he did all he could not to start crying.
“He’s lucky to have you on his side no matter what, darling. And I’d bet anything he thinks the same of you,” she said softly.
“I don’t think it’s quite the same. He loves me like a friend, but he’s not…not like me.”
Gay. He wasn’t gay. Or even a little into men. Eddie was sure of that.
Fran pulled away and just smiled at him.
“Okay, then. Let’s get these bags inside.”
They managed to bring everything in in one trip, and by the time they made it back inside, Steve was done with his packet.
“Alright!” Fran clapped her hands together in excitement. “To your room!”
Eddie’s eyes widened.
“Room? Like, just one?”
“Yep! The other room we have for long-term residents is already taken for the next few weeks. Will that be okay?”
She was smiling innocently at Eddie, who knew she knew why he was suddenly panicking.
“That’s fine. We end up sharing a room all the time, right, Eds?” Steve asked as he grabbed his own bags from the floor.
“Uh. Yep. Totally fine.”
“Great!”
She led them out the back of the front office, down the sidewalk that led to a row of small buildings.
“This first building is storage. The next one is the short-term stays, usually people who donate frequently to keep us running, staying for a night or two to see where their money goes. This next building is for long-term stays. That’s you two. It’s split into a duplex, so you’ll have basically a studio apartment in there. Kitchen, bathroom, living area with a sectioned off area as the bedroom. You each will have a key, but keep in mind that the director also has a key for emergencies. The janitorial staff only goes if requested, so let me know if you feel it needs a sprucing up or you need new sheets or anything. Fridge is stocked and gets restocked every two weeks.” She paused as they made it to the steps to the building. “Oh! We don’t technically have a curfew for the guests. You’re adults and we trust you on your journey here. But we do ask that you try to be back no later than 11, as we often shut off many of the trail lights by midnight to ensure the animals have the closest replica of the wild as possible.”
Steve and Eddie nodded, eyes wide at all the information being thrown at them so quickly.
“Your room has a phone of course. You’re free to use as often as you’d like. Pressing 1 gets you in touch with the front office, 2 is for security, 3 is for the director’s office. I recommend calling the front office unless it’s an emergency so we can get in touch with the right people for you. After your tour, you’ll have free reign over the entire sanctuary except for anywhere marked employees and volunteers only. That’s for your safety, of course. We encourage you to be a part of some of the educational tours and seminars that we offer to the general public as well as enjoy time on your own with the wolves. Volunteers are here every day from 9 to 5, and the employees who help care for the wolves stay until 11. We have security here 24/7, but the director usually has a couple people on staff remain after regular hours in case of an animal emergency.”
This felt a little overwhelming, but he could already tell Steve was more relaxed here than he’d been anywhere else since he met him.
“I work when they need me, but my home number is by the phone in there for you just in case you need a chat. I retired a couple years ago so I spend a lot of my time at home with my dog. You’re never a bother, okay?”
They both nodded.
She hugged them both, handed them their keys, and started to walk away.
“Your tour will be in about an hour. James is running it today. You’ll love him!”
She was gone before they could even respond, so they looked back to each other and shrugged before heading inside.
The main door was unlocked, but the door inside marked with a “2” was locked. Steve unlocked it and pushed the door open.
The apartment was nice, but small, smaller than either of them had expected.
“Guess we’ll be getting pretty close for the next month, huh?” Steve joked.
Eddie’s heart was in his throat.
He could see the “bedroom” from where he stood. It was one queen sized bed. One.
“Um. Yep. Guess so. I can take the couch,” Eddie rushed out.
Steve clearly hadn’t seen the sleeping arrangement yet or he would have probably offered. He’s a self-sacrificing idiot, so Eddie had to rush to offer before he could.
“What? Why?”
Eddie gestured towards the bed.
“There’s plenty of room for both of us, dude. A month on the couch isn’t exactly gonna help with the nightmares.”
“It looks pretty cozy.”
Steve just stared at him, brows raised like Eddie was an idiot.
He was an idiot, but he didn’t need Steve thinking it.
“Eddie. Seriously. We can share a bed.”
Steve wouldn’t let him win, it’s just not who Steve was.
“Okay, okay! Let’s just unpack so we can go see some wolves or whatever.”
They unpacked in silence, Steve taking the spot closest to the door without Eddie having a choice.
Self-sacrificing idiot.
—--------------
James knocked on their door at exactly 4:00, like he’d been standing there waiting for the clock to change over from 3:59.
“Hello! I’m James. You’re Steve and Eddie?”
They all shook hands and James started explaining things quickly.
James was only a bit older than them, wearing a volunteer shirt that had seen better days, and had the energy of Dustin.
“So! I’m gonna show you the lay of the land, you can ask me questions, I can try to answer them, and then I can drop you off back here so you can eat. The first night can be a bit of an adjustment, so feel free to give me a call if you have trouble. My number is under Fran’s,” James spoke rapid-fire, but not so fast they couldn’t keep up. They were used to that, anyway.
“So to start, everything you guys really need is along this main trail.” He pointed the way they came earlier and then the other direction. “That way leads to our nutrition area for the wolves, which you are welcome to visit anytime during the day to help or feed some of the rehabilitated wolves in the building nextdoor which is the hospital. The hospital is only open to the guests staying here and employees from 12-5, just because much of the mornings are spent performing surgeries or checkups. You’re encouraged to spend time with any of the wolves there in recovery as it helps their spirits much like a person. But if you take the left at the fork in this trail, you’ll be led to other trails. The first one is the wolf enclosures, which I’m taking you to now.” He kept walking as he spoke, moving his hands constantly, big smile keeping Eddie and Steve enthralled.
“We have one specifically for the ones we’ve rescued who are still healing from injuries, and that one is off limits to everyone between dusk and dawn. Many of these wolves are relearning how to be wild and part of that is using the night to hunt. Being in their cage during those times could be dangerous. They wouldn’t necessarily eat you,” he paused to laugh. “But they may take a bite. Now! The second enclosure is where we keep Herald. You can laugh at his name.” Eddie let out a small laugh.
“Herald had a rough upbringing. He was rescued about six months ago from a traveling circus that had abused him for at least a few years. We think he’s about 5 years old, but can’t be 100% certain. He’s hesitant around all people, even the director. He can be very unpredictable, so only the director, vet, and head nutritionist are allowed in there. You’re welcome to visit from the outside anytime you’d like though! He’s shy, but it can’t hurt having people talk to him.”
James was walking pretty quickly, and if Steve wasn’t so in shape, he’d be struggling. He looked over at Eddie. Eddie was struggling a little, but didn’t want to stop or slow down.
“And the last enclosure is for the rest of the wolves. These are ones that may be reintroduced to the wild soon or who may have been rescued without injuries, but just aren’t ready to go yet. This enclosure has a few areas for public access. The first being the feeding area, the second being the petting area. The petting area is only able to be accessed when employees or volunteers are present. The third area is only for guests staying long term such as yourselves.”
James walked them through a gate off to the side of the enclosure.
“This area is my favorite in the whole sanctuary. It’s their den area. It’s not recommended to come alone, and you should always go to the petting area to meet them first, but this area is nice for anyone who wants to feel like a part of the pack.”
“We can go in there?”
“Again, it’s definitely recommended to meet the wolves in the petting area first, maybe feed them a few times to show them you’re a friend, but yes.”
“Huh.”
Eddie watched Steve’s reaction.
This was much more involved than they expected to be.
“So that’s the enclosures! The next part of this trail leads to a walking and biking trail that is a great way to see some nature without having to leave the area. It’s snake season, though, so make sure you know your snake safety beforehand and bring the provided whistle with you in case of an emergency. Volunteers and employees are always within hearing distance during normal hours and can usually respond within 3-4 minutes.”
“Could we go back to Herald?”
Eddie’s head snapped to Steve, who was looking at James with a kind smile.
“Oh. Well, sure. The only other thing I needed to show you was the trail leading to the lake, but we can go back after.”
So James backtracked, Steve and Eddie close on his heels.
They got to the enclosure with Herald, but didn’t see him.
“He likes to hide. Especially if it isn’t close to meal time, he doesn’t usually come close to the fence. His den is hidden away.”
Steve kept walking up to the fence as James spoke, Eddie watching and trying to figure out what was going on.
“Herald? You there?” Steve called gently into the fence. Wolves had excellent hearing, and he’d probably already heard them approach. “You can come say hi if you want to.”
Eddie stood next to Steve, looking out at the area in the enclosure. There was a good mix of forest and empty area, with plenty of things that were probably used as toys scattered around. He watched for any sign of movement, listened for any trotting over.
Nothing.
Steve looked incredibly disappointed, but James walked closer and gave them both a smile.
“Like I said, Herald isn’t very social and it’s nothing personal. He doesn’t even seem to like the director and all the wolves love her.”
But Eddie knew Steve. He knew that he wasn’t gonna let that shit go.
“Alright! Shall we head to the trail by the lake?”
Eddie watched as Steve sighed, but nodded.
—--------------
Steve cooked them dinner that evening, said it helped him relax and that he would feel more at home if he got into a routine.
Eddie wouldn’t complain; He loved Steve’s cooking.
He made a basic spaghetti dish, even toasted some bread and sprinkled some garlic powder on it to make garlic bread.
They sat at the small table by the front door and ate in silence.
“It’s really quiet here.”
Eddie looked up to see Steve staring down at his plate, biting his lip nervously.
“It’s kind of nice though. Peaceful.”
“Yeah.”
Eddie knew what he was worried about.
He was worried the silence would make him have more nightmares instead of less, that he’d be left with nothing to help him if this failed.
“Hey,” Eddie reached over and patted Steve’s hand that rested on the table. “I’m here, alright? You won’t be alone.”
“Yeah,” Steve agreed, only slightly relaxing back into his seat.
—--------------
The next day was relaxed.
They walked along the main trail after breakfast, happy to see Fran again and meet some new people.
They stopped at Herald’s enclosure, but still didn’t see or hear him.
Steve was disappointed, but it was hidden away when they were able to feed and pet some of the other wolves before lunch.
The wolves were all beautiful, clearly well taken care of, and even the ones still in recovery were cleaned, well-fed, and cared for by the team.
Eddie quickly had a favorite: Mabel. She was an “old woman” as the employee at the feeding area said. She was 12 years old, had been brought in from the side of the road after being hit. She had had a broken leg and many broken ribs, along with cuts that needed stitches. Not the worst they’d seen, but due to her being nearly 11 at the time, they didn’t expect her to pull through. She did though, and had quickly become known as the leader of the group. All the wolves respected her, it was clear even to Eddie and Steve. She was the first to the feeding area, the first to the petting area, and would often stand guard over the others as they went into the shared spaces.
She was light brown with gray speckled throughout, her scars visible, but mostly covered with hair.
Steve loved Mabel, too, but he still had his heart set on Herald.
Eddie wasn’t stupid. He knew why Steve was so fixated on him.
Someone who was abused and hidden away and expected to perform every day for crowds of people? Yeah, Steve and Herald had quite a bit in common.
He just didn’t want him to get his hopes up for nothing.
After lunch, they decided to walk over to the nutrition center, maybe learn something new.
It was educational, and fun, and Eddie said multiple times how much he wished actual school had been like this.
The nutritionists let them help set up all the wolves’ dinners, showing them portion sizes for each of the wolves, telling them what the wolves’ favorites were. How they celebrated birthdays for them.
It was fun. Steve even cracked some smiles throughout.
—--------------
That night was rough.
Steve had fallen asleep quickly, much to Eddie’s delight, but it didn’t last long.
Eddie was woken up not long after he fell asleep by whimpering. He glanced at the alarm clock by the bed. 10:38. Barely an hour.
He knew from experience that waking Steve up would just make things worse for him, so he gently set his hand on Steve’s side, the best support he could give right now.
It physically pained Eddie to watch Steve’s face tighten in fear and sadness, whatever his nightmare was this time painting a horrifying picture he couldn’t escape.
Steve had mentioned once that his worst nightmares weren’t even about reliving anything that happened. They weren’t anyone dying, though he had those too. They weren’t even him dying.
They were everyone turning on him, finally seeing he wasn’t worth their time or effort, leaving him alone in that big empty house just like his parents did. He said the worst part was when Robin and Eddie left in the nightmare. When they looked at him with disgust and said he wasn’t good enough for the kids, and he damn sure wasn’t good enough for them.
No matter how many times they told him that would never be true, he still had them.
Ten minutes went by, agonizingly slowly, tears falling down Steve’s face. Eddie was whispering words of comfort, hoping that somehow Steve could hear him, but knowing he probably couldn’t.
But finally, Steve’s eyes opened, the whimpering stopped, and he was no longer hearing and seeing what hurt him the most.
He sat up and wiped his eyes, but the tears kept coming and his breathing was still labored.
Eddie sat up with him, hand on his arm, thumb rubbing back and forth to keep him present.
“I think I need to walk it off,” Steve said, voice wet with tears still to come.
“Okay. Do you want me to come with you?”
Steve shook his head.
“No, go back to sleep. I’ll only be out for a few minutes.”
And as much as Eddie knew that was a lie, and knew he should probably go with Steve, he had to trust him.
He’d be safe. He had to be.
—--------------
Steve walked aimlessly up and down the main trail for 10 minutes, trying to breathe in the fresh air, focus on his surroundings.
It wasn’t working as well as he’d hoped, but it was better than staying in bed and letting Eddie see him like this.
Eddie was too kind, always. He was bright, like the sun and the stars and the moon on a clear night. He was everything. And if Steve let himself be too vulnerable, too much, Eddie would take that light.
He lost track of where he was going, his breaths coming in sharper pants now as he let more tears fall.
A noise made him freeze.
Leaves rustling.
He looked up to see Herald’s enclosure in front of him. And…
Herald.
Herald was huge, much bigger than any of the other wolves they’d seen so far. He was beautiful. Scars along his legs showing that he had been abused awfully before coming here, but the rest of him glowed with health. He was standing about eight feet from the fence, trying to hide some of his body still behind the bushes along the forest line.
Steve slowly made his way to the fence, his hands up to show he wasn’t going to cause any harm.
Herald didn’t come closer, but he didn’t back or run away either.
Steve counted that as a win.
He instantly slumped to the ground at the fence, his hands and head resting against the chain links like they were the only thing keeping him upright. Maybe they were.
Steve closed his eyes.
He was so focused on staying calm, he couldn’t hear Herald approach. But he suddenly felt a cold, wet nose against his head.
He didn’t panic, he didn’t want to scare Herald, but he realized suddenly that his fingers were very much easily accessed by sharp teeth.
He let Herald sniff him, then slowly looked up.
Herald was tilting his head at him, almost as if he was asking if he was okay.
That made Steve sob.
Herald jumped slightly, but then moved so he was completely against the fence, laying down so his warm body could be against Steve’s.
Steve slowly let his hands fall, reaching through the fence slowly to let them rest in Herald’s fur.
He felt the wolf sigh, and he couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yeah, I get it. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone care, huh? You’re so soft,” Steve whispered, knowing Herald was still not completely relaxed around him.
“You tired?”
Steve felt a little silly for asking a wolf a question, but he felt even sillier when he realized Herald had just moved his head up and down. It was probably a coincidence, but the timing was crazy.
“Me too. We should get some sleep.”
Herald huffed and rolled his head back against the fence.
“Want me to stay?”
Herald huffed again.
“Okay.”
So Steve stayed.
He sat down on the ground, back against the fence, and listened to the crickets and the steady breaths of Herald.
He was woken up by Eddie shaking him and a growl coming from behind him.
“Steve! Jesus, I thought you’d got lost or died or something.”
“How long have I been out here?”
“It’s nearly two in the morning!”
Herald was growling behind him, protectively pacing behind Steve like he would find a way to get through the fence if Eddie tried to hurt him.
“Hey, Herald, it’s okay. This is Eddie. He’s here with me. He’s my friend,” Steve said calmly, holding his hand through the fence so Herald could sniff him and see he was okay.
“Steve! Get your hand out of there. He isn’t friendly, remember?”
“Oh, please. He just slept by me for hours and let me hold his fur like he was a stuffed animal. He’s plenty friendly.”
Eddie just stared, jaw slack, as he realized Steve was right.
Herald was licking Steve’s hand, leaving his scent on him like he was trying to provide as much protection as possible.
“You made friends with the only wolf here who hates people. Unbelievable.”
“Hey, be nice. He just needs some love is all.”
Eddie nodded. Yeah, him and another person with a name that started with S and rhymed with sleeve.
Eddie’s heart had been racing for the last 15 minutes since he woke up and realized Steve wasn’t in bed next to him or anywhere in the apartment.
He finally took a deep breath, balling his shaking hands into fists and stuffing them into the pocket of his hoodie.
“We should head back inside, Stevie.”
Steve seemed to notice Eddie wasn’t doing so great.
“I’m alright, Eds. Hey, look at me.” Eddie looked at Steve’s face, the way he seemed more relaxed than when he first left after his nightmare. “I’m okay. I must have fallen asleep.”
Eddie took a deep breath, resting his head against Steve’s shoulder as he let it out.
“I thought you were gone.”
“Nah, you can’t get rid of me now.”
“No?”
“Nope. Herald and I are just good friends, but you’re still-” Steve cut himself off, but Eddie wasn’t going to let that pass.
“What?”
“Nothing. Not important.”
“Yeah it is. Tell me.”
Steve seemed nervous, and Herald must have sensed it because he let out a low growl.
“It’s just that you mean a lot to me. Kind of everything, actually.”
Eddie couldn’t breathe.
What did that even mean?
Steve’s hand was suddenly in his hair, playing with the ends the way Eddie did when he was nervous.
“You’re just. I mean, how could you not mean the world to me? You dropped everything to come here with me because you knew I wouldn’t do it alone, Eds. You bring me candy at work even though I literally have access to all the candy I want at the counter. You let me find reasons not to watch the scary movies on movie nights when Dustin picks because you know I can’t handle them. You swim in the pool with me alone so no one knows how much I still hate it. I…you’re just…”
Eddie didn’t let him stutter any more, knowing what he was saying without actually saying it.
He knew what Steve was afraid of, and he wasn’t going to let him be scared anymore.
“Steve. I love you. That’s why I do all that. I love you. I’m in love with you. You deserve more than what I can give, but I can keep giving you all of the love I have, and hopefully that will be enough.”
Steve’s lips were on his before he finished speaking, teeth clacking together at the force of it.
Herald huffed, but they didn’t stop. Eddie didn’t know how he was supposed to now that he had Steve’s lips on his.
He never wanted them gone.
His hands reached up to Steve’s neck, cradling his jaw between them as if he was holding something precious. He was.
“I love you so much,” Steve said against his lips, melting against Eddie.
“I love you, Stevie,” Eddie said back. He planted another soft kiss to his lips before resting their foreheads together. “Let’s go back to bed, okay? We can come see Herald after breakfast.”
Steve nodded and turned to Herald.
“I’ll be back. Don’t hide from me, okay?”
He reached in to give Herald’s head a scratch, and Eddie shook his head in disbelief.
It took less than 48 hours for Steve to have the one wolf in this sanctuary who didn’t like people completely wrapped around his finger.
But Eddie could relate.
Steve’s charm was damn near impossible to resist and now he didn’t have to try.
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moongreenlight · 7 months
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Insane reader my beloved. Literally my babygirl.
@katz-chow been ruminating on this one just for you <3
CW: Gore and violence
Reader who shows up late to their first meeting with the task force. Rolls up in their dark sedan with blacked-out windows and one too many dents on the front bumper wearing civvies instead of the uniform they were given and instructed to wear.
Reader who is a privately hired detective with a talent for interrogations. Not officially a member of the task force or the military because the tactics they use are far less than legal. More a secret weapon on retainer for when doing things by the book doesn’t do the trick.
Reader who gets on the good sides of the task force boys by being sugary sweet and barely hiding their true colors. Skins and bleaches the skulls of interrogations gone South and gives them to Ghost insisting they’re better than the costume store shit he’s got on now.
Gifts Price expensive cigars tucked between the fingers of a severed hand. Drops them off in large pink boxes with delicate ribbons and giggles when he asks a thousand questions about why and how and what the fuck he was supposed to do with this.
Tosses Gaz new knives on the field when they’ve landed a kill or just wrenched them out of someone’s stomach. They make a game out of chucking the gore-slicked blades at one another’s heads to see if they can dodge in time.
Starts playing dodgeball with Soap where they toss his less-stable bombs and unpinned grenades back and forth. Only stops after they’ve accidentally blown up the camp two missions in a row. (Also heavily rumored they have tramp stamps of each other’s names because they’re both too stubborn to back down from a dare but that’s just for vibes)
Reader who gets flown out on specialty missions where a hostage really refuses to talk and takes matters into their own hands. Sometimes hopping on radio when they’re in transit and requesting the force pulls extra men so they can play a live game of operation. They’ve been watching videos on the dark web and the first two seasons of Grey’s Anatomy from their military issued laptop so it’s like an 80% chance all the hostages live.
Reader who stops being allowed to train rookies because the first and only faux-deployment they led they told the group they ran out of rations three days in to a two week long training and they had to play rock-paper-scissors to create a bracket of people to eat first. The mission gets called early when Price gets word that there was actually a field amputation done. Reader doesn’t even apologize, just laughs their way through a barely reasonable explanation. I didn’t think they’d actually do it.
Reader who begs the boys to let them play kill, kiss, marry, kill in the middle of a boring interrogation and when they get told no or to focus on the task at hand, they throw such a fit that they end up sending a screwdriver through the eye of the person they’re supposed to be interrogating.
Reader who brings their own kit to interrogations. Lugs around pincers, rusted blades, rotary bone saws, and dull axes in a flamingo pink toolbox. Sets it up on a small table in front of the hostage and unboxes it like an influencer showing off PR.
Reader who also stops being able to run conditioning and drills with rookies because they pitted the privates against one another during a sparring session. Saying something about whoever could sheath a blade in the other first got a bonus check before tossing a few knives on the mat and walking away. Gaz had to run over and tell them you weren’t serious when he saw blood.
Reader who insists on being able to puppeteer the decapitated head of an enemy grunt they took down and reciting a few lines of Shakespeare to the boys. Dragging the mission out because they know as well as the boys do that everyone is on their timeline.
Reader who dances around hostages that have been zip tied to chairs and beat within an inch of their life. Singsonging threats and having the boys drag the limp bodies of their chain of command across the floor.
Reader who pouts when their victims pass out during questioning after a few of their fingers have been chopped off with a butcher’s knife. Huffs like they’re being put through a massive inconvenience and fishes smelling salts out of their toolkit to wake the poor sap back up.
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bakubunny · 8 months
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a/n: some comfort fluff for all my babes who struggle with existing because their bodies and brains are sometimes broken.
tags: pro hero!bakugou, fem!reader, disabled!reader, neurological disorders, muscle spasms, speech problems, anxiety, cuddling, pet names, l-bomb, soft!bakugou, hurt/comfort i guess??
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“hey, princess,” katsuki said as he walked in the front door. he glanced and saw you curled up on the livingroom couch, the volume on the television low.
you didn’t respond. everything was hazy and hard to process. your body was too heavy. words wouldn’t form. katsuki was home; you heard him. you were scared. and that’s all your mind could hold.
“babe?” he took off his boots.
you groaned quietly. he looked back over to you and watched your eyes roll.
“shit,” katsuki muttered. he quickly dropped the rest of his gear at the door and knelt in front of you, running a hand over your head. “hey, baby, ‘m right here.”
you could smell him now - a mixture of fire, burnt sugar, and sweat - and it was soothing. with eyes shut, your brows drew together slowly as he waited for a response; your speech was almost unintelligible. "i-i'mm... o-kay."
his lips tightened. "bullshit. how long have you been like this, hmm?"
"i... don' know.... a w-while," you said.
fucking great. knowing you, that could mean anything.
"why didn't you call me?" he asked. before the words left his lips, he knew why you didn't call. he was on patrol. it was a saturday. you were safe at home. but he still told you to call when it got bad just so he could hear your voice and know you were okay.
"'m ffine, k-kats," you replied. as if to prove his point that you weren't, a muscle spasm ripped through your body.
"baby...." katsuki sighed.
you could hear the pain in his voice.
once it passed, he kissed you on the head. "did ya get your meds yet, hun?"
you shook your head no. with a disgruntled sigh and another kiss, he left and returned. shortly after, he lifted you from the couch into his arms despite your objections.
"p-put me d-down.... you st-stink," you said as your head lolled into his chest.
katsuki grinned a little as he carried you to the bedroom. "tch. you love it."
he was right and you both knew it. some might have thought it odd, but to you, katsuki coming home after a long day at work was a scent you'd never tire of. he laid you down in bed and squeezed your hand before stepping away.
you groaned and reached for his hand. "don' leave me."
"lemme get my costume off, sweets. 'm right here," he said with a little laugh.
now you were the one grumbling rather than him, waiting for his touch to return. once he was more comfortable in a cutoff shirt and soft shorts, katsuki climbed under the covers with you.
“y’ gonna st-stink up… the b-bed,” you complain.
“i can change the sheets. quit your whinin’ and lemme hold you,” his tone was irritated, but worry returned to his face as another muscle spasm rolled in and you panicked.
“k-kats…”
he pulled you into his arms and held you close, running a hand over your head.
“it’s okay. i’m here. you’re okay. i love you,” he said softly.
“‘m scared,” you said as you clung to him, tears welling in your eyes.
“i know, princess. ‘s gonna be over soon, promise.” his grip tightened around you. “i love you. i love you so much.”
words failed you again as tears fell. katsuki’s soft voice filled your head.
“i love you, baby…. i love you. i love you. i love you….”
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user-zvs · 8 months
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Girls only!
mitsuri x fem reader
idea: You both were on a school trip when the girls decided to have a sleepover. mitsuri and you decide to have fun!
tw: fingering, face riding, cunnilingus, hickeys, bruising, ass slapping, scissoring.
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Your on you grad trip with your entire grade, it was going to be a trip to remember. You were currently at the cabins, Mitsuri ended up being your partner for this trip.
-
"Let's play never have I ever!" Mitsuri suggested, Everyone nodded in agreement and got in a circle. You silently sat across from Mitsuri as everyone got prepared.
"Never have I ever lost my virginity." She asked. A few people raised their hands but everyone was shocked to see your hand go up. Everyone gasped as you uncomfortable shifted in their gaze, they instantly bombed you with questions.
"which boy? Was it Giyuu?! You both talk sometimes." Maiko asked.
"it wasn't a guy, it was a girl." You said. Everyones jaw dropped and started guessing on who it could've been.
SMUT AHEAD!
Mitsuri looked a bit distracted before continuing the game.
You all goofed around before going back to your rooms, you and Mitsuri being the first to leave. Mitsuri seemed a bit upset while walking back to the cabin.
getting ready
"Can I sleep next to you? It'll be like a sleepover! Please?" She claimed. Her breast pressed against your back as you felt her sweet breath down your collarbone.
You gulped and nodded, feeling her hands snake around your waist. She held you closer for a second before going to brush her teeth.
-
You both were sitting and talking, mostly Mitsuri who was talking and you trying not to stare at her tits that were covered by her bra.
"You can touch them, I don't mind." Mitsuri suddenly mumbled. You were startled by the sudden change in her voice. It was sluty and almost unbearable.
Your hand reached toward her tits before kneading it, she crawled closer and sat on your lap while you grabbed her boobs.
She kissed you, sticking her tongue in your mouth. You snaked your hands down to her ass before moving her hips back and fourth across your thigh. She moaned into your mouth and moved her hips without your help.
Mitsuri pulled away and was panting as she gripped the head board. "Can I sit on your face?" Mitsuri panted. You nodded before pulling her off of you, she took off her skimpy shorts and panties.
You instantly kissed her plush thighs and sat her on your face. The feeling of your tongue gliding across her clit made her jerk away from you. You pulled her back down and had a bruising grip on her thighs, making her squeak.
"Girls, are you alright?" Your teacher asked from behind the door. Mitsuri looked down at you, you simply closed your eyes and slapped her ass.
She held back a moan thinking for an awnser. "Y-yeah just changing!" She gritted. The teacher left and Mitsuri continued to ride your face. You slapped her ass again, and again, causing her ass to have marks and her eyes to water.
"Mmh~ hah~ fuck y/n please more!~" Mitsuri moaned. You whimpered sending vibrations up her body, making her reach her climax.
You made out with her to silence her as you stuck your fingers into her swollen cunt. "Ohh~ fuck! Y/-" She belated, still being sensitive from her previous orgasm. You plunged your fingers in and out of her pussy, sticking your tongue down her throat and your free hand playing with her nipple.
"You're so hot Mitsuri, fuck" You praised her. Her cunt clenched around your fingers each time you curled them, Your thumb rubbed her puffy clit to overstimulate her.
You pulled away from her kiss, kissing down her jaw until you reached her collarbone. She felt you nibble at her sweet spot, making her cum on your fingers and hold your head.
You got off of her and kissed her head, you felt her pull your pants off, confusing you. "I'm gonna return the favor." She giggled.
-
She opened your legs to place her pussy on yours. Her wet cunt felt yours as her hips stuttered, you gripped the pillow and pushed your face into it as she fucked you.
"M-mitsuri, nghh~ oh my g~" you let out in a slutty moan. She watched as the sweat glistening down your body and tits, scissoring her. She refused to let you cover your moans or hide your face so she slapped your thigh, harshly. You clenched around nothing as m-mitsuri rubbed your clit and rocked her hips.
"I'm gonna- shit~" you moaned. You came on her cunt as she rubbed your clit faster. After she chased her high, she hugged your waist as you slepted.
"are you a lesbian?" You asked her, she shrugged her shoulders before closing her eyes.
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Yippie! Lesbians!
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mrsaltieri-real · 10 months
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I Can Be Sweet (Mickey Altieri x GN!Reader)
Word count: 1.5k
Warning/s: GN!Reader (no specified pronouns, Mickey uses the pet names baby and babe) fluffy fluff fluff, language, nudity, Mickey being soft, (yes it’s a warning) the L bomb gets dropped, romantic shit, Mickey being a terrible cook, Mickey still somehow being a little shit, etc
I’ve had a really, REALLY shit week so I wrote this as like a little soothing thing for myself and anyone else whose having a crappy week. I just needed to comfort myself by writing something like this. I’ve got good friends that have helped me through my stuff this week (you know who you are) and I wanted to say a big thank you.
Anyway, here’s a fluffy Mickey fic because sometimes we need our murder boys sweet.
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You knew him better than almost anyone.
Even though you didn’t know about his… extra curricular activities, you knew Mickey.
He was cocky, sarcastic and most of the time a complete ass because that’s simply all he’d ever been. He never allowed anyone to get too close to him in fear they’d disappear like everybody else. He was a performer, an artist. A master of deception and only letting people see what he wanted them too. But once you broke through that hard shell and got to the soft centre, there was a whole different side to him.
Mickey was… sweet, he was romantic and passionate yet remained surrounded by his defensive coating until he finally trusted you enough for you to see it.
After a particularly exhausting day of serving booze to the drunk college assholes in the on campus bar you worked in to make extra money so you could live in an apartment by yourself to avoid having to share a dorm room, you walked toward your door, head pounding and feet aching. You wanted nothing more than to shower and go to sleep in preparation for what would undoubtedly be another shitty day tomorrow.
You rummaged in your bag for your keys but paused for a second outside your door, furrowing your eyebrows when you heard soft music and dishes clanking together. Had someone broken in? Fuck, that was just what you needed.
You pressed your ear to the door to try and hear a little better when you heard a familiar soft humming rendition of the current song playing on your speakers and all the paranoia faded away in an instant, calmly unlocking the door and walking inside.
Mickey was flitting around your tiny kitchen like a hurricane, trying to do far too many things at once.
“Oh, fuck me.” He cussed as he lifted the lid to one of the pots on the stove, grimacing at whatever horrible sight he’d concocted.
“Mick?”
He jumped a little, head snapping in your direction.
“Hey! Hi, you're back!” His cheeks were slightly flushed and his shirt had splatters of food spotted over the light blue material and you raised your eyebrows a little.
“Yeah, there was another fight in the bar. Shit got broken so we decided to close… what are you doing here?” An amused expression crossed your face as Mickey continued to move around the kitchen as you spoke, clearly growing more and more frustrated.
“You uh.. you said the other day you were having a rough week so I thought I’d TRY to do something nice for you. But I… yeah. I can’t cook.” He admitted sheepishly.
As he spoke you dropped your bag on the floor by the door and walked over to him, touched by his effort. “Yeah, I can see that.” You teased, gesturing toward the pots and pans completely wrecked with the burnt food coating the bottom of them. “But thank you, that’s really sweet.”
He shrugged, waving you off with his hand but you caught it, pulling him close to you. “I mean it.” You said softly and he smiled down at you, looking a little bashful.
“Sorry ‘bout your cooking shit.” He said, eyes narrowing at the ruined pans. You laughed a little, shaking your head at him.
“It’s fine, it’s fine. Probably was due to get some new ones anyway.” You let go of his hand and walked around him to turn off the stove and grabbed a garbage bag, dumping the pots and pans inside. “I’ll throw them out and buy some new ones tomorrow.”
“Oh, I did do one thing right!”
You tied the bag, placing it down before looking at him.
“Yeah? What’s that?”
He grinned at you, gesturing for you to follow him as he left the kitchen and walked down the hall to your bathroom. You followed him sceptically, unsure of whatever the hell he had awaiting you but was taken aback when you entered your bathroom after him to see he’d run you a beautiful bubble bath, candles scattered around the whole room with your favourite song playing softly on your other pair of speakers. Whatever he’d used in the bath smelt of honeysuckle and lavender, the smells oddly complimenting each other.
Mickey dipped his hand in the bath before smiling proudly to himself and turning to face you. “I might be a shit cook but I can run a mean fucking bath.”
You didn’t respond, staring at the bubbles until they blurred into fuzzy white spots, a tear falling down your cheek. “Hey, hey, hey! Why are you crying?” Mickey’s voice sounded alarmed as he moved in front of you, his hand automatically reaching forward to wipe the fallen tears.
“I… no one’s ever done anything like this for me.” You felt slightly pathetic for crying, trying to move your head so Mickey wouldn’t see your face but he held your cheeks in his hand, beautiful face soft and affectionate.
“I wouldn’t have done it if I knew it was gonna make you cry, baby.” He still looked a little anxious, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip.
“No! No, these are happy tears.” You assured him, sniffling a little. His hands dropped from your face and slid down your arms, seeming at least a little comforted as he said, “still.”
You reached up and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself up on your toes so you could bury your face into the crook of his neck. He let out a small laugh before wrapping his arms around you, hand rubbing soothing circles between your shoulder blades and burrowing his face into your messy hair.
“You stink.” He mumbled into it making you laugh and pull back, playfully smacking his arm.
“Yeah genius, I work in a college bar of course I stink.”
“Want me to help you?” He gestured toward the bath before his hands moved to the hem of your shirt, a broad smile on his beautiful face as you nodded eagerly.
“Lift your arms.”
You obeyed, raising your arms above your head so he could pull your shirt off of you, placing it carefully on top of your laundry basket. His hands moved down to your jeans, popping the button open and pulling down the zipper slowly, smirking a little at your soft shiver when his warm fingers made contact with your skin. “Easy babe, we’re just taking a bath.”
You rolled your eyes, lightly nudging his hands away so you could remove your jeans along with your underwear, turning to toss them on top of your shirt.
When you turned back round Mickey was already naked and your eyes automatically dropped to his package before quickly diverting away, making him laugh again.
“Giggly prick.” You muttered as he climbed into the bubbly water, opening his arms out for you to climb in in front of him.
You took his hand, sighing happily at the perfectly warm water before you sat down between his legs, head resting back against his shoulder. He leaned forward, picking up your washcloth and dipping it into the water and wringing it out a little before he smoothed it over your chest, his head resting softly against yours.
“You’re being very sweet tonight.” You said softly, hearing his breathy laugh in your ear.
“You sound surprised. I can be sweet.” He defended himself in mock offence.
“I know, but never like this.”
It was quiet for a moment as Mickey continued to gently wash your aching body. The warm water in combination with his hot body was relaxing your tight muscles in a way that almost had you floppy in his arms.
“Am I really that bad?“ he murmured into your ear.
You frowned a little, lifting and turning your head so you were looking at him. “I didn’t mean it like-“
“No, no it’s okay. I know how I can be sometimes, and I guess in addition to me doing this because you’ve had a bad week it’s also to show you how much I care about you.”
You leaned up a little so you could press your lips to his cheek softly before sinking back into his arms, head leaning back again against his shoulder and your eyes fluttered closed.
“There’s also another reason.”
“Mm?“ you hummed absentmindedly. You felt his heart rate pick up and his breathing hitch ever so slightly as he swallowed, as if he was terrified of whatever he was about to say.
“I uh…” he sighed, face burrowing even further into your shoulder. “I love you.” He mumbled, his voice slightly muffled by your skin.
You froze for a moment, trying to comprehend what he had just said. “Y- you what?” You twisted around so his head moved off your shoulder and he was forced to look at you.
“I love you.”
You couldn’t help the smile that broke across your face and you struggled to turn all the way round to face him in the bath, and he laughed as he gripped your elbow to help you. “Steady, steady.” He said softly.
“You love me?” You whisper once you are facing him. You were straddling him, knees either side of his thighs and your hands resting on his chest while his rested on your hips under the water as you looked into his eyes, trying and failing to stop the tears from welling up again.
He bobbed his head once and even in the dim light of the flickering candles you saw his cheeks flush slightly.
“You don’t have to say it back!” He suddenly said quickly. “Please don’t feel like you have to say it b-“
“I love you too.”
A relieved sigh came out of Mickey’s mouth and his lips turned up into a devastatingly beautiful smile. “Thank fucking god.” He whispered, leaning forward and resting his forehead against yours.
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iamatinydinosaur · 5 months
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🍀Clay🍀
I like you
Ever Since Clay found out he liked you, he had been doing everything in his power to understand what Love is. He's never experienced, didnt even dabble. He asked Branch and Bruce about what he should do, he started reading romance novels and even went as far as observing couples without them knowing.
"Hey Y/N!" He exclaimed walking up to you. You turned round. You were busy trying to fix one of the Putt Putt Trolls comforter as your quite skilled in crochet and knitting. "Hey Clay, give me a minute I'm nearly done... There!" You exclaimed standing up and folding the comforter. "Wanna go for a walk." He said as you walked to the Putt Putt Troll's pod. "Hmm sure, where?" You asked knocking on the door. "The forest." He asked as you handed over the comforter. The Troll thanked you, hugging you tightly. You smiled and waved goodbye as you walked away with your tall best friend. "Okay, let me go pack a bag. Wait here." You said before running to your pod. You came back with supplies. You two stopped at Branch's bunker so he could pack his own supplies and then you two set off.
You two walked together discussing possible sad book club books, trips you want to take and just catching up since you guys haven't seen each other that much for the past few days. "Then Poppy and Viva accidentally dropped the glitter bomb and I got covered. It took me 3 hours to get everything completely off." You pouted as Clay chuckled. "It's not funny, I still sometimes sneeze glitter!" You jabbed him in the side, making him wince. You two had been walking for about two hours at this point. You came across a beautiful river.
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You sat down and you both pulled out a water bottle. You quickly pulled out a small bag. "I made your favorite cookies yesterday, I was gonna find you today to give them to you. So I thought just to bring them." You smiled down at him, being sat on a higher rock. He smiled brightly. He took out a Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chip cookie. He made a moaning noise as he tasted it. Not noticing you blushing from the noise. "They're so good." He smiled offering you one. You took it. Clay looked up. You looked gorgeous today. You wore your hair with some plaits running through it, you wore your favourite floral dress and you smiled while humming. You always did that when you ate something you love.
Clay found your little mannerisms cute. When you tap you foot silently when knitting, when your nose scrunches when your judging someone (mainly his brothers), how your eyes sparkle when you speak about the two sister who are you best friends and how when you are thinking about a problem you have you always chew on the pen you're holding.
You looked up at him noticing him staring. "What have I got something on my face?" You asked brushing at it. Clay's heart rate quickened. Why is it that everything you do is cute? He stood up. He's so tall that he's the same height as you, even though youre on a higher rock. "Yeah lean forward I'll get it." He said. You leant forward waiting for him to get it off. He took you by your face and kissed you gently. He pulled away and placed his forehead on yours. "I like you." He whispered. You smiled and leant forward kissing him again while sliding down the rock onto his. You wrapped your arms around his neck, while he wrapped his around your waist. "I like you too." You mumbled into his lips. He smiled, deepening the kiss.
...
"Wait did I not have something on my face?"
A/N: ehhhhhhh!!! He's so cute. I love him
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sleepysnk · 1 year
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Hey! Saw your headcanons are open :) I love your writing so thought I would pop in.
What about headcanons for Draken and how he progresses from figuring out his feelings for someone to eventually asking them out?
🖤
a/n: hi nonnie! this was request was so fucking cute! so thank you for sending this in, i hope you enjoy! <3
characters: ken (draken) ryuguji
warnings: fluff, mentions of romantic feelings, confessions, mentions of food, use of pet names (baby, babe), draken being a cutie and kinda shy.
ASKING YOU OUT.
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ken (draken) ryuguji:
- this man having a crush on you?? oh god, i hope you understand how luck you are!!
- draken is a gentleman. i will say this until the day i die. he’s a very respectful person and he honestly would be such an amazing guy to be with. now while he may be a great man, he can feel really fuzzy about his feelings. there’s so much that goes on his life and he wouldn’t really know how to react to it at first. he’s of course happy, but he’s also somewhat conflicted.
- he caught feelings for you when he walked you home one night after a toman meeting. you were at the park just a few blocks away and he wanted to make sure you got home safe. most people were intimidated by toman’s number two, so you would never get messed with if draken was by your side.
- you were just someone who understood him on certain levels. not to mention, you were absolutely attractive and sweet in some many ways. draken’s feelings for you were just so intense that he couldn’t go a second without thinking of you, or even sending you a message to ask how you were doing. he cared so much about you and all he wanted was to be with you at all costs. he knew he was a good guy. he knew how to treat the person he was dating, so why not go for it?
- he definitely shows signs that he likes you. i’m saying like really clear signs.
- he would sometimes treat you to food or snacks whenever he’d go to the convenient store. i also feel like when he likes someone, he often spills details about his personal life. you were shocked to hear about his past with his mother, and how he grew up in a brothel his entire life. however, that didn’t change how you saw the man, and he was thankful that you were there to listen and not make him feel embarrassed for such a thing.
- has probably called you babe on accident.
- i mentioned above that he is somewhat conflicted. he’s in a gang and he’s seen what happens to people’s significant others as a result. he doesn’t want to drag you into that or possibly scare you. if anything, he had such a deep desire to keep your safe. i headcanon that he’s a very protective guy, even if you aren’t his s/o.
- draken just wasn’t sure how he wanted to ask you out. he had liked you for a while. it didn’t help that mikey wasn’t the greatest to come to when it came to romantic advice. there was even an occasion where he almost dropped the bomb on you when the three of you went out for ramen on night. draken swore to god he was going to crush mikey’s head when he kept talking about him liking somebody.
- he decided to just ask you out on a random afternoon. he did a lot of thinking to the point where his brain was fried from all of the thoughts he had in it. he didn’t want to be dramatic or make it a huge thing, but he also didn’t want to put little effort. he wanted it to be something you remembered, but he feared your rejection. he found a lot of comfort and trust in you as a person. being rejected and told no would hurt this man’s soul, but of course, he would respect you.
- oh god he was nervous.
- he messaged you earlier that day to come and meet him at one of the parks near your house. you went and became confused when you saw him standing there with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. more specifically, your favorite ones.
- draken saw you and almost lost his shit when you stepped towards him. he smelled the perfume that came from your clothes and it honestly made him want to pass out. he was a confident guy but that was quickly fading now that you were right there in front of him. he didn’t want to mess it up and say the wrong thing, so he decided to just start talking. though, it was kind of hard because you were just so cute and his words got scrambled.
- “ken, what are you trying to say?” “i-i.. fuck, i like you.”
- you were not expecting it whatsoever. draken started to feel somewhat embarrassed because of how blunt he was. he didn’t mean to, but he would have kept stuttering if he didn’t. he also was a blushing mess. his cheeks were tinted pink and you didn’t fail to notice it.
- however, when you started giggling and smiling, this man’s face dropped. you looked so cute with that grin on your features that he completely forgot what had just happened. he couldn’t read what you were thinking. did you feel the same? were you laughing out of pity?
- “i like you too, draken.. a lot actually.”
- draken was so taken back. he almost dropped the flowers he was holding in his hand. he couldn’t believe it. he thought for a split second you were going add a “just kidding!” but you didn’t.. and he was so taken back. it made him so fucking happy <3.
- he handed you the flowers and was shocked when you kissed his cheek. he almost fell over and his heart exploded at your soft lips against his skin.
- “i promise to treat you better than anybody else. you can count on me, baby.”
- it was your turn to be the shy one now. his words made warmth spread across your cheeks and you couldn’t hide the smile that had appeared on your features. he was so so cute that you thought you were going to just crumble right there. you were so fond of draken that it almost hurt.
- he did end up walking you home and you actually planned a date for the two of you! <3
- i love this man 😔.
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