#somebody mentioned it in my actual real life college class this morning??
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my conspiracy theory is that post was actually made by CBAT, because if it was it fucking worked
#i haven't experienced something go this universally viral in so long#I saw it on ig first#and then again on another ig account that had the song playing#then people on tumblr were casually referencing it#somebody mentioned it in my actual real life college class this morning??#and I heard somebody playing a few seconds of the song from a couple rooms over JUST NOW
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A boyfriend sounds good, but…
Non idol! Jung Wooyoung x fem! Reader
3.1k words, Highly suggestive at best, making out, FLUFF, E2L vibes, College AU
Warnings: Mentions of STDs, making out. ( This is so self-indulgent it’s horrible lmao- also, not explicit at all.)
This piece of fiction does not reflect the actions of the real-life Jung Wooyoung. Not meant for minors.
College was supposed to be late night parties and hurried submissions, overdosing on caffeine and woefully unedited essay compilations. College was supposed to be hellish hangovers and greasy weekend brunches in bed, helter-skelter running to part-time jobs and missing classes with snoozed alarms.
You got all of that, of course, but you also got one thing you didn’t ask for, in fact, wished beyond wishes that it wouldn’t happen but of course, your guardian angel was up to some mischief: You got yourself an archenemy.
Jung fucking Wooyoung.
It all started off small, of course; bumping into each other rather violently in the hallways on orientation day ended with your coffee on the floor. Minor detail- his phone had also dropped on the floor.
You apologized profusely- he seemed like an upperclassman with his leather jacket, slim but solid build, a head of double-toned hair and oh were those tattoos peeking out of his collar- no point in causing a ruckus on the first day. You even offered to pay for the damage.
And then he opened his mouth.
“Can’t you watch where you’re going?”
The sheer annoyance in his tone rubbed you the wrong way- obviously you had to respond, you weren’t the only one at fault-
“Sorry, but you weren’t watching where you were going either. So don’t tout the blame to me-”
“Oh, whatever, just keep your money. I can get it fixed myself.”
The audacity of this bi-
“Good for you then, because my offer is off the table now, pretty boy.”
A smirk curled up his lip- “You think I’m pretty?”
“About as pretty as a skunk, especially with that hair.”
You had to tamp down the urge to childishly stick your tongue out at his bemused, mildly annoyed expression before walking past him.
Lamenting the loss of your morning coffee, you hurried your way to the orientation venue. At Least he was an upperclassman. Thankfully you wouldn’t have to deal with him-
“Did you see that hot guy in the leather jacket and that black-blonde hair ?”
Fuck’s sake.
“His name’s Jung Wooyoung and apparently all the upperclassmen already have an eye on him. He’s in our major so we really lucked out, hot guys-wise.”
Fuck’s sake.
Surely you could just avoid him and pretend he didn’t exist?
But no.
Jung fucking Wooyoung turned out to be the apple of the campus’ eye in a matter of 2 weeks. He was as new to the university as the rest of you and yet, managed to look more put together, cooler than the rest of you still struggling to figure out class numbers and professor names.
He was the upperclassmen darling- people drooled over him, wanted to befriend him, and invite him to all the big parties…
and fuck- even the teachers were already wrapped around his infuriating pinky finger. They allowed him to waltz into class 25 minutes late, smile his infuriating innocent smile and chill in the back row, scot fucking free.
A month in, he’d gotten into the Dance Club too- cementing his legendary status in the university. It was unheard of, after all, for a freshman to get into the unattainable Dance Club in his first attempt.
You happened to visit one of the club’s performances one weekend and even you couldn’t ignore the sheer talent he radiated. It only infuriated you more to watch Wooyoung hog the stage’s spotlight with almost no effort- all perfect lines, sharp and clean movements…
It’s fine, you could still ignore his existence
But no.
Another thing about Jung Wooyoung- he found sick pleasure in annoying the living daylights out of you.
It was so juvenile, so high-school, so immature of him- sticking gum in your hair, snapping your bra strap, kicking the back of your chair, striking up nonsense debates with you in class…
And then he had the nerve to laugh in your face when you glared at him with hellfire in your eyes because you were too polite to lash out in front of a professor.
Of course, you exhibited no such restraint outside the classroom.
“You vs Woo” was a commonplace explanation for the commotions that blazed up in the campus courtyard every other day. You were like wolves, the way you snarled at each other, not hesitating to slash at each other with as many cutting words as you could find.
This went on for months, an entire semester marred by an enmity that seemed to stem from nothing- until one day, mister Jung Wooyoung really fucked up.
“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? FACE ME, YOU COWARDLY WORM!” Your angry yelling and thudding on the door had Wooyoung’s roommates Yeosang and… Choi San? running to open the door to their shared dorm room.
You barged into Wooyoung’s room, unplugging the game he was playing. “What the fuck-”
“You dirty fucking bastard. You shameless shitstain of a fucking human being-”
Slap. Wooyoung reeled back. In all this time, you’d never actually hit out at him physically. It had always been words. Maybe this time he crossed a line?
“You told Changbin I had a fucking STD. THE GALL OF YOU-” You lashed out at him with every few words, pushing Wooyoung further back against the back wall of his room.
“How fucking dare you make assumptions about me like that. you lowlife scumbag.” You snarled in his face, now having him trapped between you and the wall.
You were smaller than him by quite a bit- it was almost amusing to see Wooyoung cowering in front of you, lowkey terrified of what you’d throw at him next.
“Okay okay, fuck, I’m sorry!” He burst out finally, cutting you right across your angry rant. “I didn’t mean it like that!! I swear, I didn’t even know you were the one he was talking about. And I only told him to be safe from STDs, not that anybody had one.”
“What makes you think I’ll believe you, Jung,” You screeched. “You’ve always been a dick in general to me. I wouldn’t put it past you to say something like that and lie to my face about it.”
You back away, almost disgusted at being so close to him, “Seriously, dude. Get fucked.” Flipping him off before leaving, you turn around to look at him still standing where you’d backed him up to, an evil glint in your eye.
“It will be so fucking unfortunate if somebody told the campus gossip blog you had erectile dysfunction and your hookups were all fake.”
\
Safe to say, Wooyoung never made digs at your sexual activity again.
Neither did he have much sexual activity of his own for a while. Not that there was much sexual activity in your case either.
Maybe it was that exact…starvation that led Wooyoung to behave the way he did.
What was juvenile teasing became more… flirtatious?
Oh gods, what the fucking fuck is going on-
Suddenly, it wasn’t gum in your hair, it was soft whispers against your ear, breath warm against your cheek
It wasn’t kicking the back of your chair, it was leaning in front of you to fistbump Lee Felix on the other side of you until you could smell his intoxicating chocolate-honey-sweat scent.
He’d taken to taking his leather jacket off and sitting through classes (he still turned up late for) in a muscle t shirt that showed off his toned arms-
All of his movements now seemed to be designed to tease the crawling under your skin you hadn’t been able to quench recently-
Not that you were a serial hookup kinda person, but you’d been fairly sexually active until semester exams and Wooyoung’s rumors had brought around quite a dry spell for you.
It was like every action of his sparked something wildfire hot in your head, tension stringing your senses into overdrive- were you imagining it?
Wooyoung was having some troubles with said crawling under-skin himself.
Since when did you wear skinny jeans like that to class? Did you always have such a pretty neck, just waiting to get marked up? Did you always have that sway to your hips when you walked out of class?
The forced abstinence was doing bad things to him.
It did rather amuse him, however, when he could see your breath catch a little from his murmurings in your ear, or squirm in your seat when he spoke to Felix before the professor arrived. It was the little things, truly.
You still fought like a cat and dog though- there was no way the two of you would ever let on that your scope of noticing each other had gone beyond annoyance and rivalry a while ago.
//
“Fuck no. I’m not doing this fucking project with you. It’s worth half the fucking grade and you’re a numbskull when it comes to this subject.”
“Like I want to deal with you anymore than I have to, sweetheart. You’re pretentious enough in class as it is.”
Fate really loved playing the cliche card with you- of course you got paired up with Wooyoung for one of your semester projects.
No, it definitely wasn’t the teacher that saw you two glaring more at each other more than the whiteboard and decided to take matters into her own hands.
Of fucking course the teacher refused to allow switching of partners or individual grading- it had to be a team effort or you’d both fail the subject. As a team. Yippee-ki fucking yay.
So you two ended up in the library at 11 p.m, two nights before your first check point review, having procrastinated the fuck out of working together until the last possible minute.
Amidst cursing at each other and cups of ramen and iced americano, the two of you found yourself stuck with each other and attempting to build the basis of an acceptable report to present.
Surprisingly enough, Wooyoung wasn’t entirely a lost cause when it came to the subject. He actually made sizable contributions to the report. He even got you some coffee on his break, despite the jibes and taunts you threw at him about going soft- you were the type to hold a grudge.
You were both wandering down the shelves in the library, looking for more references when Wooyoung decided to open his big mouth again.
“You do realize that shitty rumor you put out didn’t really mess with my prospects, right?” Wooyoung was so full of shit. “If anything, I’d be worried about you, sweetheart.”
There it was again. Sweetheart. Another of those taunting things that just riled you up in all the wrong(right) ways. It was like he knew everything you would go weak for and then shamelessly exploited them all.
“Unlike you, Wooyoung, I don’t need people to stroke my ego…or anything else. I can get myself going just fine.”
“If you did know how to stroke anybody’s anything, sweetheart, you wouldn’t have trouble getting some.”
Ohhh, so he wants to play some games!!! Okay then-
You reached out to flick at his ponytail, ever-so slightly enamoured by how well he pulled off the double-toned look.
“Like you know anything about how to please in bed, babe.”
It was unfair how much that nickname falling from your lips affected Wooyoung. Some…not very appropriate thoughts had already taken root in his brain and you running your mouth was not helping at all.
“Good enough for them to beg, sweetheart.”
A soft crow of laughter escaped you as you turned to fully face him, the both of you standing between the Greek Architecture and Geography sections.
“You sure you weren’t the one doing the begging?”
“Oh, really now?”
You really should’ve thought through what was leaving your mouth
Because now you were wedged between the shelves and Wooyoung’s (unfairly) toned body, his arms caging you in with that signature shit-eating grin on his face as he leaned closer to you-
The tension was almost atrocious now, suffocating you when it had only previously nudged at you. You could feel it settle under your skin, in your veins, fingers itching to reach out and pull him closer
But you kept your hands braced against the shelves- you would not give him the satisfaction of making the first move yourself…right?
Fuck, you really wanted to though-
It had be the late hour leaving you with lesser inhibitions than normal or possibly the pent up horny in your system or maybe the questionable direction your conversation was headed in
There was no other plausible reason for your arch nemesis’ lips to look that inviting
It must’ve been the way your attention flitted from his eyes to his lips that gave you away, a momentary lapse of self-control before you looked away, off to some point behind his shoulders-
And he smirk only widens
“You know, nobody really visits this corner of the library.”
“Your point?”
Both your voices were whispers now, your bodies close enough to touch but not quite, Wooyoung’s face a few inches away from yours and holding your gaze
(He had honey flecks in those dark eyes, 7 on one side and 4 on the other, like gold leaf in coffee)
“We could easily find out who begs for who…”
He still hadn’t touched you yet, his hands placed on the shelf on either side of you- you could move out from the space if you so wished-
Despite the tension between the both of you, it seemed like… like he was waiting for you to make the first move, voice your consent, act on it
How considerate, you thought to yourself as you let your sight wander to either side, checking for people
Surprising you found Jung Wooyoung’s one possible redeeming quality like this, mind hazy and barely restraining yourself from kissing the living daylights out of him-
Oh well, fuck it
A soft sound left Wooyoung as you curled your hand around the back of his neck and pulled his face to yours, lips meeting in a soft, hesitant kiss
How dare he be a good kisser too?
One hand reached up to cup your cheek and you instinctively tilted your head into the warmth of his palm as the kiss deepened
Unfair that he could take your breath away so effortlessly
There was nothing hesitant about the way Jung wooyoung kissed you back
Lips pressing more persistently against yours, teeth grazing your lower lip and pulling slightly before diving in again, hand now curled around the back of your neck
His other hand caressed your side and gripped your hips as he pressed you gently against the shelves, your arm slipping down to clutch at the front of his shirt as his body molded all too perfectly against yours
You could feel him everywhere
Everywhere
From the way his lips had begun to land messy kisses against your jaw and neck, the hand on your hip tightening and slipping under your shirt to clutch at soft skin, hips flush against yours
You couldn’t bring yourself to pull away from Wooyoung, your head spinning at the intoxicating feeling he brought with him
The sensation of his mouth against your neck was almost euphoric, your head lolling back against the books and leaving you to pull your lower lip between your teeth, an almost futile feeling bid to keep silent, you’re still in public
Somehow your hands wound up in his hair, pulling the double-toned strands as his head dipped lower, a quiet groan from Wooyoung your only pointer that he liked it
So this is why he was so sure of himself, your mind temporarily blanking when Wooyoung’s teeth pulled against the sensitive skin, biting and sucking gently
A choked, uneven sound escaped your mouth when he pushed you harder against the shelves, hand reaching lower to squeeze your butt-
A smirk lit up his eyes as he straightened up to look at the line of red- blue blooming across your neck, then at you, cheeks warm and still biting your lip, looking resolutely away from his gaze
“Weren’t we supposed to be working on the project?”
This little buzzkill.
//
You didn’t work on the project that night
You spent it in Wooyoung’s bedroom, getting railed within an inch of your life.
Not without the lack of the both of you being absolutely unable to keep your hands off each other on the way there
Between the library and his dorm, you pulled or got pulled into shady alleys and corners for ‘another taste’
“Never again.” You warned him when he dropped you off at your dorm, you looking windswept from the wind of course and his hoodie up because of the cold not because his neck was more purple than tan-
Lies.
Your daytime dynamic remained the same
But now with added benefits-
He got to corner you after class, feel you up until you were gasping his name and then leave you hanging
You got to make brazen moves under the table in the library whenever he got too snarky for his own good
He could ask nicely, you learnt. Broken groans and choked-up sounds would escape him when you ran your nails over his skin, soft and sharp and wanting and unyielding as you kissed your way down his body
Down his neck, over his chest, the hard planes of his stomach
He would plead for more when you sucked him off, bucking his hips closer to you everytime you slowed down or stopped
Find him at the right time, though and he could just as easily return the favour
He would tease you relentlessly, hands ghosting everywhere dangerous and then pulling away just to watch you squirm and make grabby hands at him, a frown marring your kiss- swollen lips
Leave conspicuous marks too high up on your neck for you to cover, dark enough for a day or two that even makeup left shadows
Spending a long, long time between your legs only to get up and start dressing, claiming to be late for class
Quickies were your religion at this point
Janitors closets locked and hand covering your mouth to muffle your moans before a dance competition, empty bedrooms in frat parties with one of you getting pushed onto the bed
It was an infernal coupon from hell : Find one archrival, get a fuck buddy free of cost!
Of course, there were side effects
“Did you just walk out of that empty classroom with Jung Wooyoung? After class hours?” “We were studying for the midterms!!”
“Uh.. Wooyoung, who was that leaving the dorm building? at 1 in the morning?” “uh yEAH WE WERE DOING THE PROJECT YEAH.”
Yeah, a boyfriend sounds nice but an archenemy you can make out with in secret sounds ravishingly pleasing-
When the boy in question is a certain young man with double toned hair with a penchant for leather jackets and out-of-line snark, you couldn’t agree more.
Yes, this is a revamp and repost from my main account xD. Like I said, this was self indulgence to the peak 😩 I'm a tad whipped for snarky boy Jung Wooyoung 😀
Do lemme know what you think ^_^. xoxo, A💕
Possibly interested parties: @aliceu @whiteprincessofnohr
(drop me an ask to be added or removed! )
#ateez#ateez imagines#ateez wooyoung#jung wooyoung#ateez smut#ateez scenarios#ateez x reader#wooyoung x reader#kpop#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#ana.writes ateez#atz#atz x reader#atz imagines#atz smut
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Reggie//i can't let you go now that i got it
Request: your last reggie mantle imagine was soooooo cute it was.... BIG FAV i'm still grinning! could you please do one where reader and reggie have been best friends their whole lives? she's super protective and sweet to him and like? she's been in love for years but has been hiding it well?? she gets him to come away with her to college because 'screw this town' and they live together? but eventually she starts going on dates and it makes him realize he's in love with her too?? mutual love confession
hey! so before you go any further trigger warning mentions of abuse, specifically around reggie and his dad. it’s not in detail but it is mentioned a few times so don’t read if that upsets you. the last thing i want you to be is sad. i hope you all have a good day anyway, whether you’re reading this or not! (title is from Børns ‘electric love’)
- For 18 years
- Reggie Mantle has been the only constant in your life
- Even when you were babies he was there
- Your mom’s sat beside each other in baby class, cooing and awing over each other’s kids
- All while 6 month old you stole 6 month old Reggie’s toy
- And then he cried so hard he vomited on not only himself but you as well
- Which then made you cry even louder
- And then your mom’s were asked to leave
- So instead
- It became a weekly thing for your mom to take you to The Mantle’s
- While her and Mrs Mantle gossiped and drank tea
- You and Reggie would hit each other with various stuffed toys.
- As you got older
- The weekly visits turned into daily ones
- Especially when you moved three houses away from him
- You and Reggie started to see each other more than your own parents did
- Your mom still went over once a week
- But when she arrived you were always usually there
- Either stood in the kitchen getting a snack
- Or lying on Reggie’s bed watching an awful movie he just ‘had to show you’
- They usually involved a hybrid of two animals
- Sometimes mythical, sometimes not
- But in all of them they were usually taking over the world
- They also always had the same four actors in
- But despite how much you protested
- ‘reggie? are you being serious? we watched this one last time.’
- ‘no, we watched molemaid last time. this is medusamaid. they’re completely different’
- ‘oh, sorry. my mistake’
- You actually secretly loved them
- Because they made him happy
- You would watch in awe as he laughed at stupid jokes
- And how his eyes would always light up at a particularly gruesome part, no matter how badly CGI’d it was
- You also listened to the countless of theories as to how ‘hurrik9’ is clearly the prequel to ‘hellhounds’ because ‘they’ve got the same main character! it doesn’t matter if they’re not played by the same person. y/n, they’ve got the same name.’
- You also listened to him complain about the inconsistencies between ‘werewombats 1’ and ‘werewombats 2’
- ‘no matter how much the director stands by the decision to make them turn on each other, despite the first film clearly stating that that’s the last thing they’d do.’
- But the thing you loved the most about it
- Was that he was only ever this way with you
- You’d been sworn to secrecy when you walked in on him watching ‘dinocano vs uniquake’
- And you promised never to tell anyone about his secret passion
- Or the fact that he had a stack of notebooks filled with plots and mini scripts for his own films.
- Reggie may have gotten popular
- But to you, he’s still the same Reggie you’ve always known.
- Whose scared of clowns but won’t admit it
- And cried when watching Edward Scissorhands but if anybody asks it was you
- And who hates hot chocolate, but its the only thing he’ll drink when he’s sick
- He also only eats pink marshmallows in months ending in R
- And white ones every other month
- But in December he has both...because its Christmas.
- Yeah, you and Reggie are best friends
- Always have been, always will
- But it doesn’t stop you from wanting more.
- It doesn’t stop the longing looks when you think no one is watching
- Or the lingering touches whenever he hugs you
- It doesn’t stop your heartbeat picking up whenever he walks into a room
- Or how you forget how to breathe whenever he looks at you
- You look forward to everyday, even if you have a pop quiz or homework you only remembered the night before
- Because he’s going to be there to make you smile
- Even if he isn’t doing it on purpose
- You look forward to the countless of texts he sends
- No matter how weird or ridiculous
- Like when he text you at half three in the morning to ask if birds were real because somebody told him they weren’t.
- You then got a text straight afterwards telling you that it would be great idea for a plot
- And you still answer every single one
- No matter how stupid they are
- It’s really a wonder how you get any sleep with your phone being on loud all the time
- But it’s worth it
- Especially when you get texts like
- ‘he’s done it again’
- Reggie’s relationship with his father complicated to say the least
- You remember when you were younger they used to be best friends
- Reggie idolized him
- And you’d have conversations in Reggie’s tree house, about how much he wanted to be just like his dad when he grew up
- But when he did grow up
- And started to develop a personality that didn’t just revolve around football
- Reggie no longer wanted to be just like his dad
- He wanted to be the furthest thing from him
- The first time it happened
- Reggie tried his hardest to hide it from you
- And for the first time in 8 years
- You went two days without seeing each other
- On the third day though
- You’d had enough
- So you went round to see him
- But when you asked his mom if he was in
- She lied and told you he had just gone out
- Even though you could clearly see him trying and failing to hide on the stairs
- So you did what any normal friend would do
- You climbed through his bedroom window
- With about as much grace and steal as you could muster
- Which surprisingly, wasn’t a lot
- And you gave him the fright of his life
- ‘what the hell are you doing here?’
- ‘you’re avoiding me’
- ‘i’m not. i’ve just been...busy’
- ‘doing what? fighting?’
- ‘what?’
- ‘your eye’
- ‘oh yeah...that’
- That was when you knew something was wrong
- You’ve known Reggie your entire laugh
- And you know the three things he’ll always boast about
- Girls, football and fighting
- ‘what happened?’
- When he told you
- You couldn’t believe what he was saying
- You wanted to find Marty Mantle and give him a black eye...see how he likes it
- But Reggie begged you not to do or say anything
- ‘it’ll only make it worse’
- ‘but its wrong. he should be locked up’
- ‘who’s going to believe me?’
- ‘me’
- ‘see...it was only one time anyway’
- So you agreed, reluctantly
- And you so wanted to believe it
- But then a few weeks later he turned up to school with a bust lip
- A month after that another bruise around his eye that he tried to hide behind sunglasses
- And by the time graduation rolled around
- Both of you had lost count of the sunglasses and excuses
- For three years he’d been trapped in a house with a father who thought hitting was the same as love
- And a mother who pretended it didn’t happen
- But now college was round the corner and that meant a chance for both of you
- Or at least thats what you thought
- ‘you didn’t get in?’
- ‘i didn’t get in.’
- ‘to any of them?’
- ‘nope’
- ‘reggi-’
- ‘it’s fine. my dad has always wanted me to work for him. i guess this will make him happy. even if i am the cleaner’
- ‘reg-’
- ‘please go’
- That summer was the longest one of your life
- It was even longer that the time Reggie had to get his appendix out and so you couldn’t hang out for a 3 weeks.
- For two and a half months
- You heard nothing from Reggie
- You text, called, DM’d and even E-mailed
- But you got nothing
- You went round at all times of the day to try and talk to him
- And every time Mrs Mantle answered and told you he was either out or busy
- Doing homework was her favourite excuse
- And Reggie has only ever done homework when you were doing the majority of it
- You even tried climbing in through his window again
- But he locked it
- So you watched every morning as he dragged himself into his dad’s car
- Wearing a stiff suit and a miserable expression
- No matter how hard you tried to get to him before the left
- How fast you ran or how early you got to his house
- They were always long gone before you managed to get anywhere close to him
- You missed the midnight texts about nothing
- You missed his stupid jokes
- You missed watching an entire room light up whenever he walked in
- You missed the way he made you feel, even if he was unaware of it
- You even missed watching his god-awful movies
- You just missed him
- And when he missed your leaving party
- That was the final straw
- At 7am the next morning
- You shoved the last of your boxes in the back of your car
- Said goodbye to your parents
- And drove away
- Three houses down the street
- Making sure your parents had gone back inside before stopping
- You sat outside for a few minutes
- Trying to think of what to do or say
- You knew his mom would answer the door
- And that you’d get the same excuses
- You also knew from the past few experiences that his window would still be locked
- So you threw rocks at his bedroom window in the hopes that when he’d check to see what it was, he’d leave it unlocked
- And he did!
- You watched from behind a bush as he hung his head out the window to look around
- His brow furrowed and hair messy
- Clearly he’d just woke up
- You couldn’t help the smile twitching at your lips
- You’d missed that face
- Climbing the window was a lot harder than it used to be
- Mr Mantle had taken the ladders away
- Another reason as to why he sucked
- But you managed eventually
- And you almost died only twice
- Which is good
- It’s better than three
- You landed on the carpet with a loud thud that made him jump half way across the room
- ‘y/n. what the hell are you doing here?’
- ‘it’s moving day. and i must say i’m very disappointed at the lack of preparation on your part. have you even started packing yet?’
- ‘it’s not funny y/n’
- ‘i know. do you see me laughing?’
- ‘i’m being serious y/n. just leave’
- ‘no’
- ‘what?’
- ‘the last time you told me to leave, i listened and i didn’t see you for two months, so no’
- ‘what about college’
- ‘what about it?’
- ‘it starts in three days’
- ‘i know. and if we stand here any longer we’re going to miss it. so get packed and lets go. it’s a nine hour drive and i’m not doing all of that alone’
- ‘you know i can’t go’
- ‘says who?’
- ‘my dad, every single college i applied for and me’
- ‘listen to me reggie. you are my best friend, you have been since we were babies. there’s not a part of my life you haven’t been in. do you really think that would stop at college?’
- ‘we didn’t spend the summer together’
- ‘and it was the worst summer of my life’
- ‘same...but that might have been because i was spending 12 hours a day in an office’
- ‘rude. but i’ll take it!’
- ‘i did miss you though. it was weird not seeing your face everyday’
- That makes your cheeks heat up and you have to force the flutter in your chest to go away
- ‘it always cheers me up’
- There it goes again and you want to claw at your chest until it’s no longer there
- Hope is a terrible thing to have when you’ve been in love with your best friend for your entire life
- ‘you always cheer me up’
- Oh dear...
- ‘i love you...a-as a friend. this summer has been the longest and most depressing for both of us. i don’t want to live the rest of my life like that. i need you reggie. so please pack your bags, say screw you to your dad and to this town and lets go’
- ‘what about money? where am i going to live?’
- ‘we’ll figure that out on the way there. just hurry up’
- And he did
- You and Reggie threw the majority of his belongings into any bag you could find
- He took all the money he’d been saving out of the poorly disguised fake plant
- And wrote a nice little note for his parents
- You also may have added a few choice words to it
- But what Reggie doesn’t know won’t hurt him
- And the two of you climbed into your car and never looked back
- The 9 hour car ride was the most fun you’ve ever had
- It was like you were trying to fit the entire summer you’d lost into those few hours
- It was filled with off key singing
- And stories of your summer
- His favourite being about Archie being tricked into going skinny dipping by himself
- You laughed loudly like nothing had happened
- And cried silently because everything had
- Thankfully when you arrived on campus, it was already night
- So you managed to sneak Reggie into your room
- And when you nervously told your roommate
- She just grinned at you
- ‘it’s fine, my boyfriend will probably be staying over a lot too’
- ‘oh, he’s not my boyfriend’
- ‘we’re not together’
- ‘...okay’
- She said with a knowing smile and you and Reggie shared a look
- And a year filled with adventures started
- Reggie got a job as a bartender with a little help from Veronica
- And you started your classes
- But nothing is ever easy
- At least not when it involves you or Reggie
- It turns out hiding a whole human is a lot more difficult that you anticipated.
- It involves Reggie squeezing into your closet
- And a whole team of people to get him to and from the showers
- But it was also difficult for another reason
- Because it was easy to hide your feelings from him when you lived in separate house
- But now you’re sharing a room
- And a bed
- And every time he would wrap his arms around you
- And pull in for a half asleep cuddle
- You’d forget how to breathe
- You’ve never been more excited to wake up
- Because he’d be all messy hair and parted lips with just a little bit of drool coming out of them that it would be cute instead of gross
- And when he said good morning in the same deep, tired voice
- You wanted to live in that feeling forever
- But then 2nd year rolled around and everything changed
- It all started when you moved into your own apartment
- You knew you had to but there was a part of you that hoped you could keep everything the same
- You found a tiny, two bedroom flat that you could both just about afford
- Reggie was so happy to have his own room
- ‘i won’t have to sleep next to you and your freezing cold feet anymore’
- ‘i’ll just sneak into your bed when your fast asleep and put them on you then instead’
- ‘i thought we were supposed to be friends’
- It took a few weeks to get used to an empty bed
- But eventually you started to sleep properly
- And it was quite nice to have your own space again
- It meant you could study without having to listen to ‘nighthawk nightmare’
- Honestly, you don’t really know what the plot of that one is
- But you’ve still seen it 7 times
- You may be in love with him but it doesn’t mean he can’t be annoying sometimes
- And you were happy with going back to admiring from afar
- Your heart can’t get broken that way
- In fact a small part of you thought he felt the same way
- That one glimmer of hope you felt a year ago
- Came back all of sudden
- And soon
- You became aware of the lingering touches
- And the gifts he’d buy you just because
- He also asked what you wanted to watch for your movie night
- And he’s never, ever done that unless you were sad or sick
- And even then, when you broke your arm a few years ago, he chose the film
- The way he looked at you suddenly felt different
- You would feel him staring, but when you would check he would always be scrolling through his phone
- And you’re sure the was a little bit of flirtiness in his tone whenever he spoke to you
- But just because you think you can’t be burnt if you stand far enough away from the fire
- Doesn’t mean that the sparks can’t jump out and get you anyway
- Because all of sudden Reggie started bringing girls home
- And every time you saw a t-shirt that wasn’t yours on the sofa
- Or a pair of shoes discarded by the door
- You felt yourself die a little
- After a few weeks of this
- Something in you snapped
- You’d spent the majority of your life pining after some boy who saw you as nothing more than a friend
- And sometimes a small part of you thought as just an escape route
- So you moped for a few weeks before deciding it was finally time to move on
- Reggie would only ever see you as a friend
- And that’s fine
- The only way to move on, is to move on.
- So you waited for the right guy to move on with
- And there were a few
- But none of them were right
- Until you met Daniel
- Sweet Daniel with curly brown hair and dimples
- Who studied history
- And spent his days sitting in the coffee shop on campus
- For a few weeks the two of you spent your short interactions stealing glances and exchanging shy smiles
- That evolved to small talk with flirty undertones
- Until finally he asked you out
- And you said yes
- And you kept saying yes to each date afterwards
- They were fun too
- He’d take you to museum's and on picnics and at night he’d pick you up and you’d go star gazing
- He would make you laugh when he’d tell you a joke
- And make you blush when he’s whisper in your ear while staring up at the sky
- But he wasn’t him
- And that killed you
- It doesn’t matter how many time he takes you to watch some unknown indie film thats supposed to be the greatest thing ever made
- It has nothing on standing outside the only cinema in town that’s showing ‘sharkcano vs tigerana’ in the freezing cold with Reggie wearing an absolutely ridiculous costumes that Reggie threw together last minute and somehow roped you into wearing too.
- But what hurt even more was watching how Reggie acted around you when you and Daniel started dating
- He looked hurt whenever he saw the two of you together
- And you would watch him roll his eyes whenever you mentioned him
- Until eventually he would just avoid you all together
- Do you know how hard it is to avoid someone when you’re living in the same 2 bedroom flat that barely gives two foot to yourself?
- It’s hard
- But Reggie finds a way
- Eventually you’re more roommates than friends
- And you really don’t know how much more you can take
- You feel like you’re about to break
- And Daniel can see that too
- So on Friday night he invites you to go drinking with him and his friends instead of staying in and moping
- ‘bye, i’m going out’
- ‘wait’
- The speed of which he runs from his room and into the living room where your stood, startles you to say the least
- ‘what?’
- ‘don’t go out with him.’
- ‘why not? what ever george has told you about is a lie. george does that. he once told a bunch of people that you streaked in an old people’s home and almost killed his grandmother’
- ‘because he isn’t me’
- You’ve dreamt of those words
- Built them up in your head for years
- But in all of your daydreams, there’s never been a scenario like this one
- Not one where you’re about to leave to go on a date with another guy
- ‘reggie? what are you talking about?’
- You need to make sure he’s saying what you think he’s saying
- Because you can feel yourself hoping again
- And you know if he doesn’t mean what you want him to
- You don’t think you’ll be able to recover
- ‘i love you y/n. you’re my best friend, you always have been, you always will be and i love you.’
- ‘reg-’
- ‘please tell me you feel the same way’
- ‘i-’
- In your head you had a full oscar worthy speech planned out just in case this ever happened
- But now you’re here in the moment.
- You have no idea what to say
- ‘it doesn’t matter. just leave’
- ‘no’
- ‘what?’
- ‘do you really think i’m going to walk away from you after that? when have i ever walked away from you?’
- ‘i-no’
- ‘i love you too by the way. if you care’
- ‘shut up...wait really?’
- ‘yes i do. i’ve loved you for as long as i can remember so are you going to just stand there or are you going to kiss me?’
- ‘i’m definitely going to kiss you’
- ‘good’
- And he does
- He’s standing in front of you before you can catch your breath
- His hands reach up to cup your cheeks
- His lips part as he stares down at you
- And you’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he’s looking at you
- Like you’re everything good and light in the universe
- And like he’s also been waiting just as long for this moment
- Maybe he has
- Maybe he’s been waiting all his life for this
- He just didn’t know
- You feel whatever breath you had left leave your lungs
- His lips are soft against yours, but he gets his point across
- And you’ve never been happier
- All the heartache and tears
- The laughter and stupid jokes
- The 3am texts
- The constant worrying
- The early mornings and late nights
- The damage to limbs from trying to fit in tiny closets
- And the scrapes on your ankles and bruising on your legs from crawling through his bedroom window
- They’re all worth it
- ‘are you still going on your date?’
- ‘what do you think?’
- ‘good. because they’ve just released werewombats 3’
#reggie mantle#reggie mantle imagine#reggie mantle x reader#reggie mantle x you#reggie mantle x y/n#reggie#reggie imagine#reggie x reader#riverdale#riverdale imagine
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PATCHES & PINS (CH 1)
A/N: This story revolves around a transgender, female to male, original character. LGBTQ+ topics are a given within this story. Gender and body dysphoria will come up as well since he is not out to his family — only close friends. If you dislike such a story premise please understand you do not have to interact with it at all. Leaving hate comments will be removed. Of course, constructive feedback is always welcomed.
Pairing: Eventually Marko x OTMC
Story is still in progress and updates will be slow
Eventually it will be posted on A03 once I’m a few chapters in
Currently on Chapter one | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 coming soon
Chapter one
My life, for the most part, has always been unusual — a little different. Despite having parents that looked like any successful mom and dad ought to, and an older brother willing to stick up for me, things just didn't go according to plan.
You see, my mother was excited to have a daughter finally. Someone to doll up and buy dresses for, maybe even enroll in a dance class. A stark difference to her firstborn, Tyler, who was all about karate lessons and throwing the ball with dad. Which eventually evolved to working on cars as he grew older. Our mother wanted somebody to share girly interests with, understandably. And, for a while, she was able to have it. The baby pictures are proof of that. Yet, as I grew older and became more aware of what I liked, the fewer things seemed cookie-cutter-perfect for my family.
"Are you not taking your bag to school, Jacklynn?" The mentioned item was nowhere in sight as the youngest of her children poured coffee — the action resembling someone needing every drop left in the pot as if to survive.
"It's the last day," came the grumbling response after a long, soothing sip. "I doubt most kids will even be showing up."
"Yeah, about that," Tyler, the oldest, spoke around a bite of toast. "Can't I be a minority and just stay home?"
"No, you only have one day left, guys." She smiled at her two kids. A graduate who had already filled out college applications, and is ready to further his engineering career. The other, soon-to-be senior, that seemed to have no real drive in anything but drawing and reading — and staying up too late apparently.
"Seriously," she spoke up again as they sighed in unison, deflating with their last hope crushed. "You two will survive."
Tyler nudged his sister, who leaned across the counter, jostling the coffee dangerously enough to receive a seething glare. "Want me to take you?"
It wasn't like Tyler to offer that too often, "Sure."
They both pulled away from the kitchen and made their way to the door, hollering goodbyes as Tyler grabbed the keys — the other sibling still nursing the coffee.
"Don't stay out too late!" Their mom called back, knowing full well she wouldn't see her kids after school. It seemed the closer summer drew in — the fewer tests to study for and homework to do, the more they came home later.
Tyler stepped into the car, unlocking the passenger door as he slid inside his cherry baby — A beaming red, 1983 Audi Sport Quattro, followed by his sister plopping down less elegantly. He glanced at her while starting the car.
"Talk to me, Jay." It was the last day, after all. Weren't kids supposed to be excited about that? "What's bouncing 'round that head of yours." He barely received any notion his sister was listening till she drew out a long sigh, head hitting the back of the seat.
"I don't know, man." It was drawn out, tired. "Didn't get much sleep, I guess."
Tyler nodded while giving the steering wheel a turn, making his way down the road. The school building wasn't very far when on wheels, and he pulled into a parking lot marginally less filled than it ought to be.
As his sister made to get out, he placed a hand on her shoulder, their eyes meeting as she paused halfway out the door. "Ever need to get a chip off your shoulder come talk to me, okay?" Her eyes rolled to the side, and Tyler gave her a little reassuring squeeze, "I'm serious. What are big —"
"— bro's for? I know, I know."
Tyler chuckled as he released her shoulder, "Good. Now," he slammed the door shut and leaned over the roof, "Go sleep in class or something." That at least drew a chuckle out of his sister as she turned away from the car.
The last day of school went how one could expect it to go. Some teachers put on movies and had extra treats for their students. Others went over lessons in the last semester, hoping it would stick to impressionable minds before three months of freedom — minds that were only thinking about freedom and not math.
It was by mid-day when a note made its way into Jay's locker. In gruff, almost unreadable handwriting, it merely said, 'Meet us by the big tree'. Jay instantly knew who it was from and folded the paper up.
A long night was probably ahead.
When the final bell rang, Jay had to wipe the drool off an impromptu pillow-desk before heading out and down the hall. Many of the kids loudly boasted about their summer plans while cleaning out lockers, jostling each other, and hurrying outside. Jay maneuvered around the hoard and quickly escaped out a side entrance, locker already empty since lunch.
It didn't take long to walk a block to the park, down a jogging trail, before splitting off into a cluster of trees. There, in the center of it, laid a large trunk of a dead tree. Upon it splayed out a makeshift map, bags, and — unsurprisingly, two brothers.
"Finally," Grumbled Edgar while raising his head, a red marker still poised over the map. "Where's Sam?"
Jay stared, unaware that Sam was supposed to tag along for the stroll after school let out. "Was I meant to wait for him or?"
"Forget it," came the short grunt, and Edgar was back to the more important matter at hand as Alan turned around to face Jay.
"I'm sure he'll show up. He's got the same note as you," he started to unravel what appeared to be a chaotic ball of cord in his hands. "Oh, hey—" he stopped as a thought struck him, "—Still a no go on the knife?"
Oh, not this again.
Jay leaned against the bare trunk, arms crossed and brow lifted. "Alan, we've been through this. Keep me on the books, but hand me a knife, and someone will lose a finger."
Of course, no one knew if Jay meant their fingers or not, and that was on purpose.
"Maybe some training will help," Edgar spoke up again, pausing on circling locations. "You need to prepare yourself for—"
"— the unexpected. I get it, Ed." Jay cut him off while peering closer to get a look at the map.
"Edgar," he corrected with a tired mutter despite it being useless. They've known each other for an entire year now. One would think it wouldn't matter at this point.
Jay tapped a finger on the closest circled spot, the cemetery. "Thought you marked this off?"
"One can never be certain," He nodded to his own words of wisdom. "It is a common ground for the dead."
"I'd say," Jay suppressed a snort, "It is where the deceased go to be laid into the ground."
Rustling noises announced Sam’s arrival as he pushed through, almost smacking himself in the face with a thin branch. His strained voice drew attention to him. “Guys,” he dusted a leaf off his overly styled coat, “We really need to find a better spot to meet.”
Jay lazily offered a salute wave, “Hey to you too, Sammy.”
“I’m serious,” Sam huffed while taking up a spot near Alan, hands shoved into his pockets. “What about the shop? Y’know, with school now over and stuff?”
Edgar grunted in thought. “Yeah, that ought to be doable.”
“Your grandpa still against us being at the house?” Alan spoke up.
Sam gave a partial shrug. “Sort of,” he eyed the map, then glanced at Jay, who returned the unspoken question with a tired look. Sam returned to explaining when Edgar motioned for him to continue. “You guys can visit, as you have, but you can’t — you know —” he shuffled his hands for the right phrasing, “— bring hunting business there.”
Jay had never actually been to Sam’s place, but the stories shared made it sound like a lot of stuff went down there — destroying property kind of stuff. So Jay could understand what the man was trying to avoid. The Frog Brothers being walking time bombs of destruction, after all.
“The cemetery again?” Sam squawked at noticing it. “I am not doing that again.” The sound of Jay snickering redirected Sam’s defiant stare. “Make Jay do it this time.”
“Wait, wha—”
“—He doesn’t have the qualification for it, Sam.” Edgar cut in before an argument could occur. This only made Sam huff, arms crossed and brows furrowed.
“So? I didn’t either last year.”
Alan stopped weaving the cord at this point, placing it down on the dead trunk. “Jay needs the experience. It could be good for him.” He simply spoke, agreeing with Sam.
“Hey, Jay’s right here,” he had pointedly avoided parading around Santa Carla for a whole damn year. Sure, his knowledge of supernatural things is what drew the Frog Brothers to him in the first place — and the free charge of ordering books at their shop kept Jay in the circle, but he was a good year older than them and didn’t feel like playing make-believe.
Sam smirked in the way that screamed challenging, “C’mon, Jay, or are you scared of the dark?”
Jay narrowed his eyes, “I know what you are doing.”
“Then prove me wrong,” Sam continued.
“No.”
Despite that, Jay found himself amongst the dead at one in the damn morning. It was eerie, the cemetery, sitting in absolute silence and blanketed by a coat of darkness. The only noise now filtering through was shoes scrapping against the ground and low grumbles around him, voices hushed as not to alert anybody — or anything. Even their flashlights were ordered to stay off unless it called for it, as directed by Edgar.
“Exactly what should we be expecting to find here?” Jay spoke up quietly while trailing behind the two brothers, hands stuffed into his jacket. It was chilly tonight.
“Any signs of the undead.” Edgar simply said without much explanation, to which Alan filled in.
“Disturbed graves, tombs broke, drag marks.” he ticked off like a list.
“Ah,” Jay deadpanned. “So zombies?” the brothers turned to him, the moonlight hitting their frames but leaving their faces shadowed. “What?”
“Could be vampires too.” Edgar simply grunted. “Fresh ones crawling out of their dirt bed.” Alan nodded along with his brother, and Jay sighed.
“Sure, yeah. That too,” It wasn’t like anything of the sort actually existed, but Jay would humor the guys. They put up with his oddities, after all, so he could continue to do the same for them.
“Didn’t any of your books mention that?” Edgar continued while turning around, walking along a worn-out path again, and avoiding stepping on actual graves.
“A little,” Jay admitted as they continued on their trek.
A majority of Jay’s supernatural books were all about how one became something, the signs, and lore behind creatures — not exactly if they crawl out of graves or not. It made sense, though, if considering how people feared vampires in the past. How they would stake and behead someone during burial just in case their loved one decided to raise again.
Same could be said about leaving a bell.
Alan suddenly crouched down near the edge of a grave. “Look,” his flashlight clicked on to bask the empty hole in light. Edgar followed promptly as Jay stared at the two figures eyeing an obvious dug hole for a burial happening soon.
“It might be a sign.” Edgar rubbed a finger over the crumbling edges, dirt smearing and falling back inside the pit.
“Or,” Jay leaned over them to get an exact look at the perfect outline, “It is the groundskeeper getting ready for a funeral. There’s not even a casket down there.” Jay simply summarized before leaning back.
Alan clicked off the light and stood, “He’s right, Edgar. It is too perfect.”
“Hey!” the voice resonated out, cutting the muffled talking off as a beam of light frantically flailed in their directions. “What are you kids doing?!”
Without a shared word between the three, just mere glances at one another, they quickly split. Or at least Jay tried to do just that, but the brush of Edgar flying past him in a rush entirely threw him off balance. It wasn’t until tailbone smashed into dirt that Jay even figured out what happened.
“Fuck…” he muttered, then covered his mouth as the light grew brighter over the grave from above, rushing footfalls growing closer before fading away in the direction the brothers ran. Once it was clear, the curse slipped again with more fever.
Jay eased to his feet and stared above his head, the wall towering almost a foot over him. “They truly mean six-feet-under,” he muttered while raising a hand to the ledge, just able to cup fingers over the lip, only to stumble back as it gave away.
The recent rainfall was not making it easy.
Again Jay tried to grab, shoes scraping along the wall in an attempt to gain some height — thinking if he just rushed up the wall it would give him enough momentum, only to fall back against the adjacent wall.
“Shit — fuck,” Jay didn’t even care if his voice traveled that time. He was stuck in a damn grave, after all! Screw it!
“Need a lift?” came a voice from above, and Jay shot his gaze upward to see a hand reaching down toward him. The moonlight didn’t offer much else to see but light curls and the frame of a coat.
Even if it were the security guard, Jay knew this would be his best bet. It wasn’t like waiting till daylight to be discovered was an option. It would not help much in regards to needing to be home before Jay’s parents could find out he even snuck out.
He reached for the hand, feeling leather against palm and uncovered fingers wrap around his wrist. It took only one good heave, shoes against the wall and other hand clinging to the edge, to be entirely pulled out. Despite mud caking Jay from front to back, he could even feel it in his shoes; it felt good to be back on the surface. It wasn’t like he had a fear of enclosed places, but it still sucked regardless.
“Thanks,” he looked over at the stranger, still only catching the slightest glimpse of a smirk within the darkness. It was hard to make out any features, and the way the guy stood didn’t help anything.
“Were you takin’ a dirt bath?” he joked inquisitively, and Jay chuckled under his breath.
“No, not exactly.” Who would want to do that in a cemetery anyway?
The beam of a flashlight washed over them again as rustling sounds drew near, and Jay stepped away from the pre-dug grave. Definitely not wanting to repeat that incident all over.
“Looks like we should start running,” spoke up the other guy, head turned away from Jay to peer toward the security guard.
What was once hidden was now lit up like a spotlight. A smooth curved jawline, willowed eyes bright with brown, and curly dirty blond hair glowed on display for a split moment. Until the flashlight jostled by the running security guard fanned over the area. And Jay would be lying if he said he didn’t stare.
“Avoid any more holes, yeah?” he easily teased before seemingly stepping in a direction with no real speed.
Jay floundered for a moment before taking off after him. “Wait.” Jay didn’t know the grounds that well, and the two idiots that did had left him.
The guy laughed while reaching behind him, grabbing Jay’s wrist again with no problem, then started to run as the worn-out guard hollered something. He seemed to avoid any lifted tombstones, flower arrangements, and small fences like it were daytime. All while Jay tried his best not to stumble, gaze more on the ground than anywhere else.
When they neared the exit gate, chained to prevent people at such odd hours to visit, he let Jay’s arm go and placed both palms out while crouching down. Jay didn’t have to ask and quickly stepped into the waiting hands. He felt the guided push upward as his own hands grabbed for purchase, trying to avoid being nicked by the gothic-style fence. Yet, as Jay’s leg swung over, his pants snagged and ripped — the gravity of his body spilling over the other side holding little resistance.
Surprisingly Jay landed on his feet, if not a little wobbly, and quickly looked through the fence to see the guy still standing there undeterred. “You coming?”
“Don’t worry about me,” he simply said. Jay wanted to comment, but the sight of the guard pushing past the nearest tombstones shut him up. “Go.” he laughed again — actually laughed as if nonplussed by the whole thing. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep him distracted.” Then he turned around and fanned his arms out as if directing air traffic before darting down the side of the fence.
And that was the last Jay saw of the guy before quickly hiding behind the bushes lining outside of the cemetery, not wanting to be seen as the flashlight shown in his direction.
The walk home was slow as he picked flakes of mud off his jeans. Jay could feel the dry mess on his face and in his hair. A shower was needed as well as a talk with the Frog Brothers tomorrow. No way were they getting off free from abandoning him in the damn graveyard! Even as he climbed back through the bedroom window, Jay was envisioning how he’d throttle them. It wasn’t until he was in the shower, scrubbing extra hard to clean the grime off, that his thought wavered to the stranger.
“Why was he even there?”
#My writing#the lost boys#fanfiction#LGBTQ+ story#transgender fanfiction#Marko x OTMC#patches & pins
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💛⚜️Pᴀʀᴛ 1: Tᴏʀᴛᴜʀᴇ ɪs Gᴏʟᴅᴇɴ⚜️💛 (From my Wattpad)
A/N: Ok, this was something a mutual of mine said here on Tumblr, and I decided to write a oneshot about it. Might be very VERY slight angst, nothing bad enough to actually be put under that umbrella though, anyways, enjoy this, and ty for the reads! :)
CW: MENTIONS OF RAPE, DEGRADATION, AND MORE FOUL WORDS THAN USUAL. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
B/N: Your Mother's boyfriend's name
M/N: Mother's name
꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂
"Oi, Y/N! Go get me another pack of beer from the store!"
"Yes father!" Damn that pig looking bitch. I'm just some fucking girl, trying to protect her mom from this demon of a person! Heck, he's not EVEN a person! He's the devil himself!! Man, I wish dad was here...
When you were in about 7th grade, your real father got killed in a massacre a couple cities over. He was not only a police officer, but a great father and husband as well. He treated you and your mother amazingly, and you thought life couldn't get anymore perfect, but soon that all went down hill. After his death, your mother's health depleted and she felt empty inside. She needed somebody else to make her complete. She decided to call an old friend from high school, and next thing you know he moved in. He seemed like a nice guy at first, but soon enough he was beating you guys mercilessly, enough to leave large bruises and scars whenever you didn't do exactly what he asked, in your eyes though, it was more of an order. You hated being ordered around, but you hated your mother getting beaten around even more. It seemed like a blessing that he hasn't tried to rape her, but god knows what he'll do, he's unpredictable
With all of this happening, you decided to tell him you were doing some "extra curricular" classes in college, but what you were actually doing was taking the Hunter's Exam and learning nen. Your biological father was kind-hearted and fun to be around, but he was also strict and sometimes a bit harsh, though he always meant well. Before his passing, all three of you would go out on the weekends to train, exercise, or do something that would enhance your body power and brain power. Because of this, all of you were exceptionally smart, and bodies all well toned. Sometimes your excursions would be going to a park and practicing a sport, driving to the snow and sledding, skiing, snowboarding, and every once in a while going to another state to zip line, try animal encounters, or take a family friendly class in that state's heritage and customs.
Since you were accustomed to hard core training and events, you thought the Hunter's Exam was quite fun, and was a test to your skills. After that, you were scouted out by a strong nen user by the name of Biscuit Krueger. You and her had lots of fun training, and with her pushing your limits to the utmost best, you turned out to be a specialist.
(Whenever I imagine myself in Hunter x Hunter, this is always my nen type and stuff LMAO)
Your power was called, Black shadow. You could have up to 10 weapons on hand, completely subjected to doing your bidding. These weapons were linked to you through blood, and they were surrounded with a substance that appeared to be black mist. The weapons you most preferred to practice with and use were your katana, blood string, and scythe. You could also make a weapon yours by cutting a fingertip and letting the blood drip onto the weapon, altering the appearance then gaining that black "mist", showing that it was now yours. The downside to this technique was that those "shadows and mist remnants" were your sleep. The darkness in your mind and the shadows all around you were taken and used for that power. In turn, you were always tired, yawning, and had bags under your eyes. Another plus side though was that you had a nen created chamber that had every weapon you owned. A girl can have some fun toys, can't she? You had tools for torture (whenever you took an opportunity to try it), many varieties of weapons, and of course, more snacks. But unlike B/N, you didn't have just fatty snacks. You had regeneration potions, healthy snacks, and special nen created "snacks" to help with different things, which all of these you had collected through pulling some strings. Your mother was worried, but you said it was all just college things. Yeah, just college things..
Ill make that pig bitch pay for what he has done to my mother!
Feitan POV -or whats going on with him- :
"What time, is it.."
"8 AM Fei!"
"Shut up, green eyes, too loud."
"Oh Fei don't be rude! It's mean!"
"That's, the point."
"Oh wait, Shalnark, what this?"
"What do you mean?"
"This... gold string?"
"OI SHALNARK, FEITAN, COME ERE' REAL QUICK!"
"Phinks, what, do you, want-" Phinks just ignored his question and pointed to the TV.
This is Channel 12, reporting live from York New City Town Square. People all over the city are claiming to be seeing a string tied to their left ring finger, leading them to some unknown destination! What is this string? Who put it there?-
"AY AY IM ON TV! THE STRING THINGY JUST LEAD ME TO THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL AND NOW WERE DATING! SUPER AWESOME!"-
I apologize for the interference, but this string appears t be leading people to.. partners? Soulmates? Find out tomorrow morning, this is Amy Starwick from Channel 12, signing out.
"What. The. FUCK."
"OH MY GOD OH MY GOODNESS HOLY SHIT FEITAN YOU HAVE A SOULMATE!!"
"Nope-"
"YESS YOU DOOOOOOO"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP CHEERY BITCH-"
"No❤️" Since Feitan was on his last nerve with Shalnark, he decided to stomp over towards Chrollo in the main room, but Chrollo just chuckled.
"Wanna go find your soulmate? See if that things real?" Feitan just stared at the ground, lightly shifting his feet.
"Go ahead, I don't mind."
"Just, doing it, out of, curiosity."
"Mhm, curiosity, go find them." And with that, he was dismissed. Feitan wanted to say it was curiosity, but deep down he had this feeling there was something else, but what was it? It made his stomach tingle and he didn't like it one bit. He tried to ignore all of this, and just shrugged it off...
꧁꧂꧁꧂TimeSkip to Next Day꧁꧂꧁꧂
Your POV + some Feitan POV:
"Alright, today's the day, he'll be at his work, and on his break, i'll set the plan in motion.." Both me and mom don't like him, and I don't know about her, but I sure hate him, every ounce of him. The plan is simple: 1. Capture mom's boyfriend, 2. Take him to an abandoned building, 3. Torture him and get all of the answers I need, and 4. Kill him. His break is at 12, and he usually goes to get takeout every other Friday, what a pig. I'll give him a taste of his own medicine.
Time: 11:30 AM
Ok, I have everything ready. Fully energized to the utmost extent, Elixirs to bring him back in case he passes out too early, and- what? He's leaving for lunch early? PERFECT! You ran behind some buildings and hid in a two-way alleyway, waiting for him to pass by...
Here we go..
One..
Two..
THREE!
You covered his head with a sack, and took his phone out of his back pocket. Before heading over to your post, you laced the inside of the sack with some sleeping powder and pressed it against his nose and mouth. Within moments he passed out, and you typed in what you hoped to be his password, which was correct. Around 12:30, you were going to text one of his coworkers that he would be "going to a restaurant across town, and ditching work for a day, not wanting to see his stupid good for nothing girlfriend or his dumb daughter." You knew he called you both this because of going through his text messages when he wasn't looking or when he was sleeping. Little did you know that somebody was watching you from afar.
"Hmm... So, she, my, what do people, call it.. soulmate? Seems, interesting..."
Time: 12:00 PM
"Jesus, I new he was a fat ass but I didn't know he weighed this much!" You were tugging him from his legs through the back ways of York New. You wanted to find a secluded area, where once you were done with him you could just toss him somewhere for the birds and maggots to eat. After walking for what seemed like hours, you came across a set of abandoned buildings, specifically the one you laid out some extra things. A couple extra weapons, some towels, a change of clothes, a chair and some rope, a couple of flashlights, and of course, some snacks. Lucky for you, the douchebag you've been dragging around like a rag doll was still out cold, so you picked him up and tossed him on the chair, tying his wrists, ankles and neck to the chair.
"Maaannn, this is boring!! When the hell are you gonna wake up?!" As if on queue, you saw his eyes start to flutter open, and you immediately grabbed your box cutter. It wasn't a weapon used by your nen, but it was quite effective.
"What.. who.. wait- Y/N!? WHAT THE FUCK?! UNTIE ME NOW BEFORE I BEAT YOUR ASS!!" you didn't notice it, but Feitan was watching from the building over.
What, the fuck? Why she kidnap him? That pig? Why? Confusing, gotta keep, watching.
You shoved the box cutter into his left cheek, and you bathed in the glory of hearing his screams of pain.
"How does this feel, you bitch? Everything you've done to my dear mother, everything you've done to me, and heck, YOU WERE PROBABLY BEHIND MY DAD'S MURDER DURING THAT FUCKING MASSACRE!!" B/N noticed the tears in your eyes, and took this to his advantage.
"So what if I was? Both of your parents were pathetic anyways."
"NO THEY AREN'T! YOU'RE THE REASON WHY MY MOTHER'S LIKE THIS NOW! YOUR THE FUCKING REASON FOR EVERYTHING SHITTY THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME!!"
"Heh, hehe.. hahaHAHAHA! YOU KNOW GOD DAMNED WELL THAT ALL OF YOU ARE PATHETIC! WANNA KNOW WHY I GOT WITH YOUR MOM!? BECAUSE SHES HOT. AND SHE HAD GOOD MONEY FROM YOUR FUCKING DAD. YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA DO?! YOU KNOW WHY I TOOK OFF EARLY TODAY?! I WAS GONNA RAPE YOUR MOTHER AND MAKE YOU WATCH, THEN KILL BOTH OF YOU AND RUN OFF WITH ALL OF YOUR MONEY!! AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S IRONIC?! I DON'T HAVE ONE. SINGLE. FUCKING. REGRET. IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR DAD, YOU SOULDN'T HAVE HAD THE NERVE TO DO THIS, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED!!"
You couldn't handle this anymore, tears were falling down your face rapidly as you grabbed the duct tape and closed his mouth shut.
"I don't give a fuck about what you say.. I'm going to kill you here. This is your grave. Someday, I'll join you in hell, and when I do, I'll torture you again, and the Devil will laugh. You just watch and ducking wait you, you.. PATHETIC WORTHLESS PIG ASS SLOPPY ASS NASTU FUCKING BITCH!" With that, you grabbed a couple super worms in each hand and shoved them into his ears. Even with the duct tape, you could hear his screams of agony as the worms dug deeper into his ears. You then got our your katana and slashed him across the stomach, and shoved even more worms into that open wound of his. Quickly, you poured a large bottle of the elixir you had brought over him to keep him from dying so quickly. Box cutter still in hand, you carved small lines all over his arms and legs, then ripped off the tape to hear his desperate cries. You imagined he wanted to be dead, but you didn't care. His pain and you pain mixed together and you just started laughing. You through your head back and let yourself laugh. all of the pain this man has caused you and your mom will be repayed today.
But the pressure and stress was too much to handle. Your laughing of victory soon turned into screams and more tears, as you let yourself fall to the ground, not even noticing you didn't hit it hard, something had caught you, or someone..
What the shit am I doing?
Am I really going to kill him?
What's wrong with me?
What will mother think?
What would dad do?
What am I doing with my life?
You soon snapped out of all of those negative thoughts though, as you noticed something caressing your face lightly.
"Rest, now. He, won't die, so quickly. I'm, Feitan." You were a sniffling and crying mess, so all you could do was rush into Feitan's chest and cry. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around you and held you close. He had no idea what he was doing, for he had only seen this kind of skin on skin contact in movies. So, he did what those people in the movies did.
"Don't, worry... It's all, going to be.. okay."
Word Count (Including author notes, etc) : 2251
-Wrote February 3, 2021-
Unedited sorry about that lol-
Part 1...
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Anyway, here’s my How To Fix WW84 in 42 scenes (or less) list:
BTW, this is a very long post. It is a whole movie :P
1. Delete the first scene with the Amazons and have the opening credits be over the 80s montage. I KNOW, but trust me.
2. Mall robbery scene goes normally, but like... less clunky. And there’s a bop playing in the background because it’s the 80s.
3. When Diana comes back, she’s wearing her armor underneath her jacket; have a shot of her hanging it up in her closet, and pieces of the Golden Armor are displayed nearby. She has dinner by herself, and looks lonely.
4. Diana meets Barbara, and it’s the same, but if she needs something “human”, how about she walks with a cane instead of being clumsy in heels because it may be 1984, but it’s also 2020 :P (also Rucka’s Rebirth run literally has her walking with a cane??) And a girlfriend
5. They bond over the FBI artifacts from the mall robbery, Barbara’s studying something that will be important on an expedition later (a map?), but it’s not like. Placement. It’s just buried in the list of things they’re looking at. Also Barbara is smart and also knows Latin and Diana is impressed.
6. They go to dinner (and there’s a bop playing in the background) and Barbara asks what made her get into archeology, and Diana is vague, and Diana asks what made her get into archeology, and Barbara is also vague, but says she’s always loved ancient civilizations and things. No one asks about anyone’s love life. :P
7. Diana walks Barbara home. Diana asks if she’s in pain (the cane), and she says no, and then it’s never mentioned again because it’s 2020. Also there are no drunk creeps, and no amiable homeless black guys, because… euuuurgh.
8. There’s a scene with another version of the map (or not a map), and a faceless somebody having a vague, Villainy conversation about it (and not Dr. Poison faceless, just... we don’t see their face, lol).
9. Barbara gets to work early and finds out she has to give a tour to Maxwell “The Oil Guy” Lord. This scene goes as normal, and he insists they both come tonight to the gala he’s hosting for the museum at his house. Diana thinks galas are stupid, but she plays along because she wants to keep Barbara away from Max she can tell Barbara wants to go she wants to protect Barbara.
10. Insert artistic shots of Diana’s office here. Basically ancient artifact porn. Show us the cool stuff, God.
11. Diana looks irritated/confused about something and is flipping through books (although computers did exist in 1984, right? Right?). Barbara comes in asking if Diana wants to go shopping for the gala, and Diana asks if she still has the FBI artifacts, and Barbara says yeah, why. Diana says she just wants to check something later, then they go shoe shoppingggggg
12. Diana does all the things the store attendant does. Dialogue, facial expressions, everything. Harold they’re lesbi—
13. Barbara asks if she wants to share a cab to the party, but Diana has to put out a wildfire or something, and says she’ll meet her there.
14. Action scene fire-putting out that somehow relates to a moment later in the movie. Diana can’t save a cat stuck in a tree
15. There’s a shot of Diana stepping out of the burning forest and looking out over the sea, and there are burning embers falling around her, and the sun is setting, and it’s beautiful dammit. And then she remembers she has a date, and she smells like a wildfire, and the music comes in because this was the best scene in the real movie.
15. Gala scene. Entrances and music are perfect, change nothing except man creeps are like… more subtle? And more insidious/Mr. Nice Guy, sure. Diana finds Barbara Ann, and she mentions that she hasn’t drunk/partied like this since college, because she’s a confident woman who can drink, dammit.
16. Pedro Pascal invites Barbara up for a drink, and Diana is prepared to come along uninvited, but there’s an invite for her, too.
17. The three main actors from this movie actually get to hang out together and bond like atoms because they have serious chemistry. Max is a bit of a douche at first, but he relaxes after a bit of goofing off. Diana asks him about the pictures on the wall of his son, and he says he’s the smartest boy in his school, and his goal every day is to make his son proud of him. Barbara Ann (who is slightly drunk) mentions that her father didn’t want her to become a scientist, and they swap horrible Dad stories for 45 seconds.
18. Diana’s Horrible Dad Story: “My mother never told me his name.”
19. Pedro Pascal mentions that he’s putting together a team for a dig (Apparently they dug up some stuff while he was looking for oil) and he wants Barbara Ann to lead the expedition.
20. Barbara Ann wants Diana in her team don’t we all. Pedro Pascal pretends to be surprised and delighted by this idea. There’s a shot of his happy face disappearing once the girls leave.
21. Diana goes to find the FBI artifact she’d been wondering about (it’s after the gala, so it’s dark in the museum), and it’s gone.
22. They fly to the dig, and everyone has their passports, and Kristen Wiig does not reprise her Bridesmaids airplane scene, but she can mention that it was nice of Max Lord to put them in first class. It’s also the 80s, so flying looks like whatever flying looked like in the 80s (more leg room? :P) Also, there’s a bop playing in the flying montage.
23. They get to the dig (in a helicopter), and a bunch of diverse people introduce themselves, because we have to have diversity somewhere in here, it’s 2020.
24. Barbara Ann gets to work, and Diana goes exploring because she’s the main character and doesn’t need to work. She sees a temple/palace further up the island, and it looks like there’s smoke coming out of the courtyard, but she’s called back for dinner before she can go see. The other people tell her the building is abandoned.
25. Diana goes later that night to see, and it is abandoned and there’s lots of animal bones lying around and weird symbols on the walls and it’s creepy AF. But there are other things (pottery?) that remind her of Themyscira, and there’s a flash of a memory from an Amazon feast, and she sees Antiope laughing with a group of Amazons because we need a Robin Wright cameo, and then a hard cut to—
26. Barbara Ann comes to find Diana sitting on the edge of the cliff looking over the ocean, and she asks if she’s jetlagged too, and she says no, just homesick. She tells Barbara Ann that she grew up on an island, and after she left, she spent years trying to move on and assimilate into the new world, but she kept finding things that reminded her of her homeland, and she finally accepted that she should be proud of who she is and where she’s from. Barbara Ann says she should never be ashamed of her true self and then they kiss
27. In the morning, there’s a dig montage, and a bop playing in the background. Diana pretends that heavy things are heavy. They find Diana’s golden helmet and other scraps of the golden armor and a bunch of other stuff so then it’s not conspicuous, and then there’s a tsunami/hurricane, and the rest of the crew dies or evacuates or something. It’s dramatic, and Diana and Barbara almost drown, except Diana is Wonder Woman.
28. The two of them end up heading up to the abandoned building for shelter, and it looks sturdy, and the animal bones are gone, which is weird, but it’s dry, so Diana tells Barbara Ann to sleep while she takes the first watch. Barbara Ann says this isn’t the worst night she’s spent on the job.
29. Diana falls asleep and has a dream of this building in its heyday, and there’s an Amazon feast, and Diana wanders through the dream looking sad, and Hippolyta stands up to give a toast and is shouting about their guest of honor, the Princess from—
30. And then Diana wakes up, Barbara Ann is gone, and it’s full daylight, and there’s no sign of the storm or their camp. Diana hears a sound and goes to investigate likes she’s in a horror movie or something, and it takes her to stairs that lead underground, and she realizes that the tunnels match the map from the FBI (this is too convenient, but whatever, this is the first draft okay :P).
31. Maxwell Lord is sitting on a folding chair (or a couch!) in the cave at the end of the tunnel, and he’s surrounded by animals in cages. Diana recognizes some of the animals from the bones she saw earlier, because why not. He says that he brought Diana and Barbara Ann here to settle some old scores. Diana thinks for a minute that he’s Ares or something, and he says not MY old scores.
32. And then Diana is attacked by a Cheetah (why not), and she’s not wearing her armor, but she can fight in her indiana jones outfit, and it’s kind of a lame fight (dark, realistic, no slow-mo), and she re-cages the animal pretty easily, and THEN she’s surrounded by the blurriness like she’s dreaming (bad, but it’s the first draft, okay), and Eva Green’s voice says some villainy things about is this how she treats her friends and she’s just like her mother—
33. And then Diana realizes that Barbara Ann is the Cheetah, and there’s a montage of her falling into Circe’s trap and being turned into a Cheetah, and then a scene of Pedro Pascal’s son being kidnapped while they’re on rich people vacation and being turned into a gerbil, and transformations of a bunch of explorers and warriors from over the years getting turned into animals (including Asteria), and then a scene of Circe being banished from the Amazons and not being allowed to return to (old) Themyscira.
34. Circe isn’t actually in the tunnel, but in the fog sequence, she talks to Diana through a mirror and occasionally morphs into Diana’s reflection, because she’s magic, and that’s creepy.
35. After the fog is over, and Diana’s wearing the Golden Armor because we need to sell toys, and then there’s ACTUAL fight with Cheetah, and a bop (Sebastian Böhm’s “Sweet Dreams are Made of This”) is playing in the background, and this time there are actual stakes because Diana doesn’t want to hurt her. And it’s like, the Cheetah and Wonder Woman fight from Rucka’s run, okay. Cheetah says this is her true self and to leave her alone, and Diana says no, this isn’t you.
36. Diana breaks Circe’s curse with true love’s kiss. Diana breaks Circe’s the curse with the lasso and a speech about love, and it turns out the Cheetah form is held back by the lasso, so Diana lets her keep it.
37. Pedro Pascal gets his son back and it actually makes sense for him to run out from the bushes. He apparently doesn’t remember anything about Circe.
38. A helicopter comes to get them, and Diana is uneasy, because there’s a third movie, but she leaves and there’s a bop playing, because this is the end of the second movie.
39. Diana adds the helmet and the rest of the armor to her collection in her closet.
40. Barbara Ann now has to tell the truth all the time because she’s wearing the lasso all the time. This is terrible, but the movie plays it off as amusing.
41. Diana promises to find help for Barbara Ann, and they kiss
42. I guess the mid credits scene with Asteria can still happen. She could clean up after herself though, lol. A possible end credits scene is Diana finding the lasso on her work desk and Barbara Ann’s desk cleared out, but that’s kind of a bitter ending, and the lesbian ending is nicer.
In the third movie, Diana tries to find Themyscira and Circe is the main villain and maybe Cheetah comes back. Boom.
#long post#See this is what I call a first draft#and then you scrub it 1000 times until it's a GREAT draft#and like something that will make sense on film and be enjoyable to watch#anyway I didn't have time to write today so I spent 2 hours writing this :P#funny how that happens#if you make it to the end let me know what you think!
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1257
Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry?
Oh for sure. We had to watch It’s A Beautiful Life and I know I cried every single time I watched that movie, whether for school or on my own time.
What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about?
I don’t really get this question. I feel like it would make more sense if it asked how early I’m willing to wake up in the morning...? Anyway, I don’t pay attention to the time I sleep at night. Sometimes I’ll pass out as early as midnight, and sometimes I’ll be up until 3; it doesn’t matter to me.
What is you favorite type of lunch meat?
I’m not into those in general.
What time of the year do you dislike the most?
The heat in April and May is just brutal and uncalled for. It gets so hot and disgustingly humid and most times the aircon can’t even do much to quell it.
Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs?
Yeah, banana ketchup since that’s what we usually have a bottle of. Generally, I have banana ketchup with most of my breakfast dishes too.
What is your favorite color to wear?
I don’t really have a favorite to wear those days mostly because I barely go out anyway and there’s been little need to update my closet.
Are you an overachiever?
Seems like the type of question you should be asking my parents, not me haha. Personally, though, I’m fairly proud of what I’ve accomplished.
What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)?
Maybe longer legs and smaller teeth, but I’m not exactly insecure about mine.
What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'Hara) would you marry?
Did you just raise the possibility of marrying a deer? Anyway...since I mentioned Two for the Road in the last survey, I’ll go with Mark from that movie. Seems like my type of partner.
How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)?
With legs...around 2-3 weeks. Armpits, maybe about a week or so. Never more than a month for either.
What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else?
For the most part I’ve always been cautious of what I say; writing, on the other hand...I’ve written stuff on my diary wherein I let out all my frustrations against my mom. I know they were mean because she cried over them – but that also entailed snooping through my stuff, so I’ve never felt bad about it. I meant those things as I wrote them because it was my safe space, and she violated that. That’s on her.
Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry?
I did, but I instantly realized it was bad so I stopped as soon as I began.
What is your favorite thing about your life?
How everything seems to have fallen in its place these days. There’s really little to complain about and I’m grateful for that.
Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire?
Animals.
Have you ever painted a picture of somebody?
No.
How many real bfs/gfs have you had?
One.
Did you enjoy your past relationships?
I did.
Name a comedy that you like.
White Chicks. << I love this choice, let’s just go with this one lol.
Could you wait until marriage for sex?
Sure.
What’s the best Nirvana song?
I don’t listen to them. I know a couple of songs but I don’t like them enough to be my favorites.
What was the last thing that impressed you?
The new Butter remix with Megan Thee Stallion.
When was the last time you were in a pet store?
Years, years ago.
What nationality is your last name?
Spanish or Portuguese, I’m not super sure.
What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip?
I never dip my chips; I just have them as is.
Who was the last boy that you saw cry?
Idk...maybe one of my cousins from one of our family reunions last year. I don’t get to be around a lot of boys or guys.
Does your mom know you do surveys?
No. I’ve never had to raise it and I can’t see a situation where I would have to.
Have you ever had a serious injury?
Yeah, I got a big wound from when I went snorkeling around a decade ago. I wasn’t provided flippers so when I was kicking to stay afloat I managed to hit the coral reefs underneath repeatedly, which majorly scraped and gashed my left foot until it was an open, bleeding mess. It was infected for weeks and I’m surprised it didn’t leave any kind of mark or scar.
What was the last thing you achieved?
Handling a campaign for a major client successfully and getting good coverage and results for it.
Would you enjoy being famous?
Probably, but I wish I had some sort of talent or skill that would propel me to popularity in the first place hahaha.
What’s under your bed?
Some things I collected from past hobbies and interests, like all my old wrestling magazines.
Do you enjoy travelling?
Love it.
Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it?
I mean I joined an org in college, which technically makes me a member for life. I’m not name-dropping but it’s one of the two journalism organizations in my alma mater.
When was the last time you drank strawberry milk?
I can’t recall. I don’t drink strawberry milk.
Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set?
I never collected those.
Do you have a clock in your room?
Nope.
Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher?
I honestly can’t remember. I only had like three sessions with different instructors for each, and the one instructor I remember having was extremely cranky and impatient.
Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite?
Hold It Against Me is pretty fun.
Does mind over matter work for you?
Sure.
Are you paranoid?
Oh yeah. Overthinker is pretty much my middle name.
What is the best thing about winter?
I wouldn’t know but considering the things associated with it, I’ve always believed it would be my favorite season.
Have you ever been truly in love?
Hmm. I think so, yeah. I’d give myself that.
Are you currently planning a trip?
Nah. Nothing set in stone, but Angela, Reena, and I have been talking about flying to South Korea next year. We’ll see.
How many plants are in your home?
Several. My mom is a bit of a fan, but it’s nothing obsessive.
What is your favorite possession?
I treasure my BTS merch, I guess haha. Nobody is allowed to touch them or move them around without my permission. As often as my mom likes to barge in my room and touch my stuff, she seems to understand and doesn’t lay a finger on any of the merch either.
Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked?
Sure. But it's never really mattered to me; it just feels nice to be nice and do nice things for people. It does feel nice to be thanked, but I don’t necessarily do it for the recognition.
What movies have tripped you out?
I’m Thinking of Ending Things, Midsommar, Anomalisa, Under the Skin, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and The Killing of A Sacred Deer are a few of them.
Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade?
Yesssss, I even had a pair as a kid. I got into it because I loved to ice skate, but it turned out I wasn’t as good as gliding on the ground so I ultimately preferred ice skating. Anyway, no, I haven’t done rollerblading in years.
Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night?
I did. I stayed because it’s where I felt safe and I didn’t know where else to go or what else to do outside of it.
Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating?
Sure.
Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep?
Nope. I find them more distracting than anything else, and they actually keep me from sleeping.
What summertime treats do you love?
I don’t have any.
How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss?
I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. < Yeah, this sounds about right.
What do you hate most about moving?
The last time we moved was in 2008...and I don’t really remember disliking any part of it. I was actually excited for us to have a home all to ourselves after living with extended family in a cramped house all my life.
Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting?
Depends where. Sometimes it can be exciting, sometimes it can be inconvenient but you kinda do it out of desperation lol.
Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks?
No, I’m scared of how it would affect my body so I’ve never tried.
Has anyone ever whistled at you?
Countless random men.
Do you like scarves?
They can be comfy if I’m traveling somewhere cold...but I don’t really get to do that often, so.
Is your father homophobic?
I haven’t seen any signs from him. My mom is much more likely to exhibit internalized homophobia – she just did the other night.
Do you take gummy vitamins?
No, only when I was a teenager.
Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all?
I don’t think so, nothing I can recall.
Who would you like to meet before you die?
I don’t have any goal person in mind.
If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it?
Hmm, probably not.
What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of?
The Avril Lavigne doppelganger one is extremely hilarious and I read up so many thread about it on Twitter just so I can see how far people can stretch it.
If Heaven and Hell exists, where are you going when you die?
I don’t care.
Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else?
Either of my best friends.
What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday?
The weather.
Is there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy?
My mom.
Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself?
Yeah the soundtracks are actually fucking great. The person who took this survey before me named Supermassive Black Hole by Muse, and that’s one of my favorites from all the soundtracks. The song Slow Life in New Moon is nice, too.
How old was the first person you kissed?
She was 17, going on 18.
Will you be a strict parent one day?
I’d have some rules set but I wouldn’t suffocate my kids.
Last person to stand up for you?
Heck if I know. I can do that for myself.
Have you been to a baby shower?
No.
Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater?
My ex.
What’s your favorite high school memory?
Hiding a same-sex relationship from my conservative, homophobic Catholic teachers.
Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single?
I like being single these days.
What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do?
Trying out the Nevis Swing in New Zealand.
What subject at school did you absolutely hate?
I saw no point in studying chemistry.
Italian food or Chinese food?
Chinese. I like Italian cuisine, but sometimes I find it a tad bit salty for my taste.
Do you like to make flash cards when you study?
Not flash cards but sometimes I’ll write my notes down in several index cards because for some reason I retain information better that way.
Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer?
No.
Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online?
No. I never saw the appeal of most of them, honestly.
I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike.
Gabie.
What do you think about Marilyn Manson?
I have nothing to say about him tbh.
Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school?
Nothing beyond getting into an argument with this kid in 2nd grade and getting sent to the counselor’s office for it.
Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras?
I used to, until I handed it down to my sister...and until she let it smash onto the ground because she didn’t place it on her tripod properly when she was filming one time. I still don’t get why she’s so defensive about it; I wish she’d just admit she majorly fucked up on that.
Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets?
It makes me silently judge the parents more so than letting myself be bothered by a child.
Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother?
We’re not offered the chance to get yearbooks unless we’re in graduating years.
Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome?
No.
Jalapeños: yay or nay?
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Did you ever play Minecraft?
No. I can’t care less.
Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member?
I didn’t.
Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense?
Me, sometimes. Hahahaha.
What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you?
The way I was broken up with, like what the person who last took this said. I’m not tortured by it and her anymore, but I don’t think I deserved to intensely mull over about what I could have possibly done to be broken up with the way she did.
What type of person angers you the most?
Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. < This pretty much hits the nail on the head on how my ex is, so I’ll just go ahead and agree.
If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it?
I’d get braces again and...that’s it, really.
What are your feelings on feminism?
I support it and I support how it advocates equality.
Describe your first relationship?
I’ve only had one relationship so I’ll just answer the following question.
Describe your last relationship?
Internally toxic; uhhh healthy at some points I guess, when she wasn’t being a selfish prick; a disaster towards the end.
Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex?
I honestly don’t know what constitutes ‘safe sex’ in a same-sex relationship, sooooo idk if I have.
Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply?
It’s a realistic take on love and I appreciate that it took its sweet time to highlight the ugly sides of love and marriage. Also, Audrey Hepburn taking her acting chops to the next level was just beautiful to watch. She was always a fantastic actress in all her movies, but I could tell her acting in Two for the Road had just a little bit more depth to it.
What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you?
That I’m nice and approachable.
Do you feel protective over someone?
My friends.
What perfume/cologne do you wear?
Heat Rush.
Where did your vehicle come from?
My parents got it for me as a high school grad gift.
What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?
I haven’t been to a wedding since 2007, and back then I was designated as a flower girl lol. I’ve never been to a wedding where I was chosen to be a bridesmaid.
What is your favorite way to eat chicken?
CHICKEN SANDWICH. Also chicken wings.
It is your birthday. You hope the cake is:
Oreo cheesecake topped with 24 macarons.
What do you wear to bed?
Something thin and airy.
What were you doing at 8pm last night?
I was watching Bon Voyage.
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So close, and still so far
Word count: 2517 words.
A/N. This is the first non-academic thing I’ve written in a year or so, so it might not be the best. Inspired by the song So Close by Jon McLaughlin and one of my favourite movie scenes ever, the dancing scene in Enchanted with Amy Adams, Patrick Dempsey, Idina Menzel and James Marsden. Comments are appreciated!!
“Peter Moore and Ella Lewis invite you to their engagement party, on Saturday 22nd August.”
It shouldn’t be a surprise, as Brian had told him about the engagement, but having the invitation in his hand made his heart stop. Peter and Ella had been a couple, The Couple of their group, ever since their high school senior year. Now that they both had graduated college, it was the logical next step. After all, Ella and Peter complemented each other. She was as organised as he was playful, she was as logical as he was spontaneous. They were the power couple, and they were so absolutely right for each other that it made no sense to avoid the unavoidable.
Still, Shawn’s mouth went dry, and for a moment he seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. His best friend in the world was getting married. The person who knew everything about him, his rock, his muse. The girl he’d written every single song about. The love songs, the heartbreak songs and the hopeful songs. His world revolved around Ella Lewis, and she would never know it did.
As if life were mocking him, he heard his phone ring with the sound of her favourite song, Everything I Do by Bryan Adams. Shawn had to swallow twice before he was sure he’d sound normal.
“Hey there!” he tried to sound as cheerful as possible.
“Hi, Shawnie! I was wondering if you’d got the invitation, because almost everybody replied and you didn’t.” she sounded excited. Of course she did. She had just graduated top of her class, and now she was organising a party to celebrate her engagement to the love of her life.
“Yeah, just got it. I was about to call Andrew to ask if there was any problem with me going.” He lied. He knew that, in the writing process, he was mostly the one who organised his own schedule, so he could free that day without any problem. But he wanted to seem busy, for some stupid reason.
“Uh… Alright, I guess?” He could picture her nibbling her lower lip. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, but couldn’t you try and get the day off? It’s pretty important for us, and all our friends are gonna be there, and…” She was pacing now, he could hear her footsteps down the stairs. He was being cruel, he knew that. But he couldn’t tell her that he’d leave everything just to make her happy. He didn’t have a partner, and music was all he had. She couldn’t know she came first.
“I’ll talk to him, I promise.” He heard her low hum, and the click of a pen. “So, anyways, congratulations! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me though.” A text would’ve been nice, he added mentally. Just so he could prepare himself for the gruesome conversation that they were having.
“Well, yeah. I’ve been busy with some paperwork, and my final project and stuff, so I’ve been a bit out of it. This is honestly the first day I’m fully invested in this, so call yourself lucky that you’ve been the very first person I thought of!” Against his own judgement, his heart sped up, but the little mean voice in his head reminded him that she thought of him while organising her engagement party. He knew he was being ridiculous letting his hopes up.
“Lucky me!” He forced a chuckle. “By the way, congratulations on your graduation. I have no clue what your final project was about but I heard the guys say it was ground-breaking.” He tried to steer away the conversation from the invitation on his table.
“Oh, thanks! It wasn’t that big of a deal, truth to be told. Sheldon Cooper would’ve totally mocked me.” He rolled his eyes. There was no real person to criticise her work, so she went to fictional characters. “By the way, are you bringing a plus one? Camila, perhaps? Haven’t seen her in ages.”
Hearing her mention Camila felt like he’d been punched in the stomach.
“Um, I’ll have to get back to you about that. I don’t think she’ll be able to make it, though.”
“Erm… Okay, I guess? I mean, it’s not a big party, or anything. But I wanted to have it…”
“Controlled.” Shawn interrupted her.
“Well, yeah it comes down to that.” She giggled. “Hey, I’ve got to go. Peter’s family is coming over to have lunch, I’ve got to go check on him in the kitchen. Love you!”
“Love you too!” If only she knew how true that was, he sighed as he heard that she’d hung up.
Ella was a very dedicated person. Whenever she had an interest, or a plan or a goal, she was invested a 100%. Her engagement party was no different. That was the reason why she didn’t reach out to Shawn in the month prior to the party. She spoke to Vanessa, her maid of honour, and to Brian, who would be Peter’s best man, but her interactions with Shawn went no further than a couple of texts to check up on each other every couple days. He seemed busy, he never said much. Honestly, she was busy as well, so she didn’t dwell on it. That went on until three days before the party, at 2 a.m.
She would be lying if she said he woke her up. Her body wasn’t used to her new-found freedom, so she couldn’t sleep until past 2 or 3 in the morning. She spent those late hours, when Peter was already asleep, reading scientific papers, reading books or playing the keyboard. After spending so many late nights working on papers and studying, she felt like her mind was the sharpest when the world was asleep. And, suddenly, after almost a month of silence, Shawn was calling her.
“Hey, what’s up?” She asks. Being friends with Shawn for years, she knew that this could very easily be a breakdown. She closed the door of her study room so she didn’t wake Peter.
“I love you, you know that?” It was very clear that he was drunk. Very drunk.
“Of course I do, Shawnie.” Ella could hear him open a bottle of something, then knocking something over, and taking a big gulp. “Is that why you’re calling me? I’m not mad or anything, I was reading. But… do you know what time it is?”
Her words seemed to get lost and never reach the other side of the line. “You know, Kid in Love is actually about you. And so is Never Be Alone. And Imagination.” She was startled. She knew he had a crush on someone in their friend group, but she never imagined it was her.
“So… It was me you had a crush on in junior year?”
“And so are Because I Had You, and If I Can’t Have You, and Mercy…” He lost track of his own train of thought, because he went silent.
“Are you really saying you’re in love with me, Shawn?” Those words were difficult to speak out. He couldn’t do that to her.
“Do you remember when I was just the Vine kid and we were sitting in my room looking for a song to cover? And we kinda jammed to Everything I Do? I tried to tell you then. And when I got drunk for the first time because of just one beer and I kissed you? You started dating Peter a week later and I brushed it off.” Every word Shawn said felt like a dagger directed to her heart. Tears were threatening to fall, and she let out a silent sob. “It has always been you. You're with somebody I can't be. But I can tell that you're happy.” He started singing. “I know you and Peter are a perfect match, don’t worry. But I needed to get this out of my system, you know?”
At that point, she couldn’t hide the fact that she was crying. And Shawn heard her ragged breathing, which seemed to sober him up.
“Oh, El. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, very deeply sorry.” He started crying as well. “I’m such an idiot. I’ve kept it to myself for so many years, and I tell you now. I understand if you don’t want to see me ever again, if you hate me now. Oh my god, El. I hate myself so much now.”
As much pain as he was causing her, he was still her Shawn, her younger brother from another mother (by six exact months, she reminded him continuously). She had had a crush on him for a few months, back when he was writing Handwritten. Now she knew that those songs she hoped he wrote for her were actually about her. Knowing it didn’t change anything though. She was wearing Peter’s ring, because she was in love with him, because they balanced each other out. While Ella considered Shawn to be her little brother, Peter was her best friend, her soulmate.
“It’s okay, Shawn. I’m just shocked… Why… why would you keep that from me?”
“I’m so stupid, I was nervous you’d make fun of me and hate me. It’s okay if you do now. I mean, not okay, obviously, but I’d understand.” Another sob escaped his mouth.
“Shawn, I don’t hate you. You’re… you’re like my little brother. I just wish you would’ve told me sooner. I could’ve helped you get over me.” She let out a sad chuckle. “We’ll see if some of my friends from uni is your perfect match at the party, okay?”
Shawn couldn’t believe his luck. He was so drunk he wouldn’t remember any of it in the morning, yet she wasn’t mad at him. Peter could never know what jewel of a person he was marrying. What Shawn didn’t notice was that he was thinking out loud.
“If his words are any pointer to go by, he knows.” This time, her laugh was genuine. “Shawnie, go to bed. Sleep this off. I’ll see you at the party, okay? I… I’ll see you.”
Ella couldn’t bring herself to tell him she loved him. She honestly did, but it felt wrong to say it, now that he’d said he was IN love with her.
She looked at the clock. Half past two. The crying had been very tiresome, so she’d give sleeping a go. She entered the room on her tiptoes, but somehow, Peter sensed her coming in.
“Love… what’s the matter? I’ve heard you crying.” He sounded worried.
She didn’t even give it a second thought. The conversation between Shawn and her would remain private. Peter didn’t need to know. Hell, she wasn’t even sure Shawn would remember in the morning.
“It’s nothing. I was watching kitten videos.” She mentally facepalmed. It was probably the lamest excuse she’d ever given. But Peter just shrugged, patted on the bed and snuggled into her neck as soon as she laid down. “I love you.” Ella whispered. Peter was already sleeping, because he answered with a hum, just one beat too late.
On the day of the party, everything was perfect. Ella had organised it, so nobody was surprised. Everything, from the pins in her hair till the wine that was served, had been handpicked and controlled. She was a quantum physicist, after all. She liked details and perfection. The guests started to arrive with gifts, and she greeted them all like a perfect hostess. Peter was chatting with his grandmother when she saw a familiar set of curls by the open door. The smile on his face as he approached her could mean two things: he had let go of the whole situation or, most probably, he had forgotten all about it.
“Hey, El. Nice party.” He greeted her with a soft kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks, Shawn. Peter’s over there,” she pointed to him “and the rest of the group are somewhere inside. Probably close to the snacks.” She chuckled. “I’ll catch you guys later.” With that, she turned to greet her cousin and her nephew. “Hi! Thanks for coming.”
Even though Ella enjoyed being the perfect hostess, half an hour later her mouth was so dry she needed a glass of something. When she approached the table, Shawn was pouring himself a glass of white wine. “I’ll have one of those as well, Shawn.” She half asked-half demanded. He nodded, acknowledging her words, and gave her his new glass. It wasn’t until he was done pouring a second glass that he looked at her.
“Look, El. I’m sorry about anything I said last Wednesday. I don’t remember all of it, but I’m pretty sure it included me confessing you my…” Ella quickly cut him off.
“It’s alright. I’ve thought about it and, honestly, I feel sorrier for you, for not being able to help you, than for the situation.” Shawn nodded solemnly.
“So… water under the bridge?” Instead of answering, Ella simply hugged him, and she felt Shawn’s chest relaxing.
Ella closed her eyes, happy that they had finally made amends. Suddenly, she felt Shawn humming a song that sounded familiar. She focused on the music that played softly from the stereo. So Close by Jon McLaughlin. She hadn’t realised that it was still on the playlist. She loved the song, but it didn’t seem suitable for an engagement party.
So close to reaching that famous happy end. Almost believing this one's not pretend. Now you're beside me, and look how far we've come. So far, we are so close.
Just like in the movie, her favourite movie, he whispered the words in her ear. They weren’t dancing though, just merely swaying in place.
Ella felt sorry for Shawn. She didn’t understand how she could have missed the song when she was grooming the playlist to engagement party-appropriate songs. She hoped Shawn didn’t take it to heart. He was still her best friend, and she hoped that nothing would ever change that.
For Shawn, hearing that song, at that exact moment, was bittersweet. Somehow fitting. He was saying goodbye to the love of his life, who considered him a brother, who was marrying the love of her life. He was holding her close; he could pretend for a moment that he was hers. But he knew it was a lie, a hopeful thought. He would always love her; he would always be there for her.
As the final chord of the song died out and something else, much happier, started to sound, they started to become aware of their surroundings again. They let go of each other, and they smiled as they looked into each other’s eyes.
“I love you, Shawnie.” “I love you, El.”
They both walked towards their friends, sharing a secret that nobody knew. Ella’s eyes were gentle, and her laugh was genuine, and nothing had changed between them. And Shawn knew that was the first step to heal. His smile was bright, and he was having fun. Ella decided to let him be. She’d tell him they were moving some other day.
#shawn mendes angst#shawn mendes#shawn mendes blurb#shawn mendes fluff#so close#enchanted#shawn mendes imagine
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i finally have a coherent personal narrative, and here it is. It’s quite long, but i think of some interest, and might be encouraging!
-Mentions of suicidal ideation, emotional and financial abuse, emotional incest, fatphobia, misogyny, capitalism. Whatever the qpr equivalent of romance is. Ends happily-
I felt for a long time that i should have died when i was 20. Not in the sense that i deserved to, but in the sense that by then i’d accomplished as much as i ever would and was therefore obsolete– taking up resources unnecessarily.
When i was 13, i felt forced to choose between my parents. My bus driver/karate teacher, a kind person who i very much admired, advised me to flip a coin and then, if i didn’t like the result, pick the other. I chose my mother and (privately) pledged absolute loyalty to her (I was obsessed with LOTR at the time and felt that it was the purpose of my life to be a Sam for somebody).
While she was single and struggling to keep the farm and raise my brother (a toddler then), that devotion was used and rewarded. There were times i thought with satisfaction that i might as well be her husband, as well as a parent to my beloved brother. I was proud. I felt righteous. The joy of supporting and protecting her was real. The intermittent anguish of being a minor who could legally only do so much to help was also real. (I believed in laws then).
When I was 17, she remarried (a perfectly nice, wealthy man, as devoted as me and much more powerful) and i went to college. I slowly imploded across all four years, though I didn’t realize that until nearly the end. I think now it was because nothing i could offer her was needed anymore. Every time she treated me like a child instead of the valued partner i had been, i was crushed. Emasculated. i began to feel positively Tortured without understanding why. It sounds like a villain’s origin story, doesn’t it?
When it started affecting my performance, i could only think the trouble was that i was pining for a married professor, as you do. I had fallen in love with him, and made myself his best student (and then his TA, and then began to feel gross about it, quit, and started avoiding where i knew he’d be, all without telling anyone). Once my decline became known and answers were demanded, this was all i could offer in explanation.
I didn’t blame anyone consciously then, but i think now i felt betrayed by how my friends and family reacted. They all thought i must have seduced him (or vice versa if they were generous) to be so torn up. It was too foolish to become suicidal over a crush. They didn’t believe me, or accused me of grandiosity, when i said the professor didn’t even know how i felt. I have always struggled to keep in touch with people, and once my oldest friends gave me the Adultery is Bad talk, it was hard to keep trying.
Everyone did their best and we were all very young. I didn’t understand any more than they did. But still, i can acknowledge now what it would have meant to have just one person who believed in me regardless of understanding. On a deeply hidden level, i felt that my mother, at least, owed me that, after years of faithful service.
But horribly, once it became clear my suicidality was almost entirely passive, she turned on me. She was very frightened. I guess she had also been thanking her lucky stars all that time that i wasn’t turning out like my dad, but here i revealed myself at last to be a freeloader, just like him. I was supposed to go to medical school. I had been the pride of the extended family, the eldest and purest of my generation, a marvel of the local intelligentsia, and i wound up dragging myself back home inept, directionless, cringing, the same as so many unfortunate young cousins and neighbors who’d used to have me pointed out to them as an example. Who would my brothers look up to now?
I endured living at home for a few years. My mom couldn’t keep up the punishment constantly, so although there was no telling when she would start in on me again, or whether she might finally go through with evicting me, there were beautiful things too.
I worked for her husband’s business for no pay, which i understand now was abusive, but i have always enjoyed working with my hands, and when they left me to it, it felt like the old days, like i had a use, even if it was now peripheral. My brothers weren’t sure what to do with me, but we still had fun when we could. The animals comforted me, and it’s special to be able to give affection and gentleness to a creature who depends on you. The woods and mists and early mornings and silent moonlights were still beautiful, and gradually i could appreciate them again. When i was with people, i felt my disgrace abjectly. But on the farm there were many chores to be done alone.
The more i recovered, the more trapped i felt. I even, very alarmingly, spent about two hours one afternoon silently consumed with resentful feelings towards my mother (this hadn’t happened since i was 10). I began to be afraid of losing control and doing something desperate (I totaled two different trucks during this time, on roads i knew well, for no apparent reason). I had given up my spot at a medical school i would not get into twice, and the obvious escape was to reapply elsewhere. I attempted this, and sabotaged it, multiple times.
I got a job at a nursing home, which was hard on my back but full of wonderful people, and was forced to quit when it made me late to my shift at my stepfather’s business too many times. By this i understood that a local job was not getting me out of there. I asked for money to get an EMT certification and was refused. I applied to many online jobs, none of which i had enough time to make money from. I called up one or two branches of the military, and was rejected for being too fat, thank God. I applied to medical school again, and managed to not sabotage it enough that i was accepted into a master’s program instead. It was across the state, five hundred miles away.
And still it might have come to nothing, as i had no conscious plans, actually, of staying away once i was done with this master’s program. The expected thing would be to go on to medical school, but i was only anticipating the first day of being free and couldn’t imagine anything more than a week in the future. I looked at the amount of debt i was taking on for this, knowing in my heart that i would not get a job that could pay it back, and was only relieved that they hadn’t caught onto me and i could still get loans.
There are a lot of things in my story that aren’t what they say is healthy or proper. I shouldn’t have romanticized my own parentification, i should not have had feelings for a 50 year old man, i should have kept trying with my friends, who have good hearts and only made one mistake before i ghosted them, i should have kept telling the truth, i shouldn’t have taken moral injury from things that weren’t my fault, i should have been properly angry with my mother at some point, i should not be grateful that my tendency is to harm myself rather than others.
One person alone should not have been able to save me.
In the second month of my year away, i was in a study group with my roommates and some of their acquaintances, and i laughingly shared some anecdote or other that i thought was harmless. I don’t remember whether anyone else laughed, but one person said: “That sounds kind of fucked up.”
“Oh,” I said, embarrassed. “Eh, well.”
Nothing more was made of it, and we went on studying. Later, this same person saw me sitting in the cafeteria alone and came to sit with me. We met to study again, just us two, and they showed me a video about white tears and watched me closely for my reaction. We compared ideals and found them the same. We came up with a project to collectivize flashcard-making for our class and had to meet frequently to carry it out. “We’re colleagues,” my new friend said, firmly, when people asked if we were together. We discovered ethical problems with the program and protested them, formally and informally. We were accused of being too insular. We talked about our families, and they said things like: “That’s not okay, you realize that, right” and “I think if more people loved the way you do, I’d have a reason to smile in the morning.” It became normal for my eyes to be sore from crying.
Neither of us got into medical school that year. We got an apartment together after graduation, and worked together too until i was fired (I was new to challenging authority and not very subtle in my distaste for our bosses). My friend’s parents wanted them to quit too, to come home while they reapplied, but they said: “Not without Autumn.” So after some negotiating, we went to live with their folks for a while…
We’ve been together for 5 years now. At first I did the same as I’d always done, but my partner made it clear they don’t want self-abnegation from me. I started trying to have boundaries, paradoxically, to make them happy. I’ve dipped into therapy as money allows. I’ve been reading and thinking and writing. Above all, I’ve been loved.
And all this time, I’ve still been deeply ashamed. I’ve spent the last ten years in some degree of emotional pain 24/7. But somehow, two weeks ago, another thing happened that shouldn’t, and i suddenly knew that i was a human being like any other.
I still feel that I should have died when I was 20, but now it’s in the sense that people say, “You shouldn’t have survived that! What a miracle!” Still existing feels like a bonus. I might live a long time from now and i might not. Either way, I’m incredibly lucky to turn my face to the world and know that i am a creature in it, like other creatures. I am well. It’s good that I’m alive.
#by auti#hopefully this is something good for someone :)#long post#yikes i hope this isn't just me rubbing it in that i hit the jackpot#idk i feel good about it so i'm posting it#please watch dr. gabor mate btw#that's part of this#and the untamed is part of it too#i still have problems lol don't get the wrong idea#but still everything's different now#the euphoria has worn off a bit but#it's like... it's like i'm meditating all the time?#it's not painful to be present is what i mean#i have the distinct feeling of being un-nerfed#feel free to rb!#although adding commentary might be weird#still i can imagine certain kinds that might not be so. your call!
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21 Of The Greatest Love Tales From Actual Individuals
Love is actual and these love tales reinforce the magic of affection.
We surveyed our associates and located the perfect love tales on the market. Get pleasure from all these magical tales of true
love
.
1. “I knew I used to be in love the primary time I noticed him cry in entrance of me. We had been in an extended distance relationship, I used to be dropping him off on the airport after our first week collectively. We had spent quick instances collectively on both aspect of the nation, however this was the primary time we had spent a major time period collectively. It was raining outdoors and I seen his eyes effectively up as I pulled up close to the airport. We embraced and it took all the things I needed to let go. I knew leaving me was so onerous for him as a result of he hadn’t cried in years; he’s not the sort to be susceptible. I needed to verify we by no means needed to say goodbye like that once more. It’s been Four years and there’s now not a 5 hour aircraft trip separating us, each time I have a look at him I really feel simply as cherished as I did in that second.” — Melissa, 27
2. “I watched her maintain her little brother whereas he cried as a result of he was too little to know that their mother was coming again. She’d by no means appeared extra stunning, I felt in that second that she was the perfect particular person I’d ever know.” — Chris, 24
3. “I went to Philly and noticed a mural avenue artwork tour the place you journey on a practice line and all of the murals appear to be they had been written by somebody attempting to inform a practice passenger that they love them, it’s referred to as A Love Letter For You. Each single one felt prefer it was about him, like listening to a music on a loop. ” — Sharanya, 2
4. “We had been strolling my roommates canine and the solar was taking place, it was fall. She checked out me simply because the brightest ray hit her eyes, that are usually a really customary brown, however in that cut up second they had been the brightest gold, and I simply needed to inform her I used to be in love.” — Joseph, 24
5. “He held my hair again whereas I vomited all night time after blacking out at his celebration and making a idiot of myself. The subsequent morning, he had breakfast and ibuprofen on deck. If that aint love, then I don’t know what love is.” — Erin, 25
6. “I knew I cherished her when she was puking in a bin after we acquired house from consuming, she stored yelling “don’t look!” and I swear I simply needed to kiss her.” — Andrew, 22
7. “I heard her snicker within the eating corridor. It was obnoxious. I may hear it from outdoors, up the steps, within the foyer. I needed to discover the woman with that snicker, I swear to God I knew that I felt like if I may make her snicker, I’d have all the things I wanted.” — Cody, 27
8. “He learn a brief story out loud at school. I heard his accent and I used to be hooked, after which his writing moved me to tears, and I used to be so embarrassed and much more hooked.” — Heather, 28
9. “We met on-line and I used to be so nervous going to our date. After I sat down, the very first thing she mentioned to me was, ‘Oh, thank god, you’re not a dude.’ (Apparently guys use lesbian courting apps to fulfill ladies?) And I simply laughed so onerous at that. It actually broke the ice. I don’t know, I believe, wanting again after 2 years collectively, I should have recognized I cherished her then.” — Kim, 27
10. “I noticed him dancing on the bar, like rubbing his ass on one in all my associates. We had been all out collectively and he was laying it on thick to get my associates to love him. He appeared so silly.” — Jamie, 21
11. “We’d solely been seeing one another for 2 weeks when she acquired into a very unhealthy automobile accident. She was within the hospital for a complete weekend, she wakened and barely remembered who I used to be, so I gave her an envelope stuffed with all our texts and the receipts for the primary date we now have printed out. It got here again to her and I noticed I may by no means lose her.” — Luke, 29
12. “I knew I cherished him once I requested him for a cigarette outdoors of a bar and he took out a pack of Marlboro reds, my model.” — Kate, 25
13. “I used to be courting his greatest pal and we had been fairly sad, and I used to be going via my pal’s texts to see if she had been texting her ex once I noticed texts from him, saying that he was in love with me and couldn’t assist it. I do know it’s tousled as a result of I used to be together with his pal, however in that second I knew I used to be silly, head over heels, off my ass in love with him too.” — Christina, 31
14. “My boyfriend and I had been collectively about Three months once I realized I cherished him. It hit me out of nowhere, really. I actually wasn’t positive if him and I had been going to get to that time. One night time, we had been driving again to his condominium and we acquired off the freeway and there was this younger lady crying frantically on the aspect of the street and so he advised me to drag over and he jumped out of the automobile and helped this lady, who had apparently misplaced her cat. He acquired again within the automobile after that and I checked out him like he was a totally totally different particular person. Yeah, that was 5 years in the past. Nonetheless in love.” — Rose, 32
15. “She adopted me into the toilet on the bar simply to make out with me. How may I not fall in love together with her?” — Owen, 24
16. “He met my mother and father and I hadn’t come out but. He was indignant with me for not having come out and I believed the assembly would go horribly fallacious, however when my mother and father requested him how he knew me, he instantly answered by saying ‘I’m his girlfriend’s greatest pal!’ They cherished him. I got here out the following day.” — Sam, 27
17. “He fell on his ass in entrance of me and large group of individuals, it was snowing. I went to assist him up and he pulled me down with him and mentioned ‘it’s not so unhealthy down right here with a reasonably woman.’ So tacky, so excellent.” — Sarah, 23
18. “I do know that is the cheesiest factor ever and I by no means thought this type of stuff occurs till it occurred to me. I knew i cherished her the second I noticed her. It was immediate. I used to be utterly mesmerized by her. Then, she laughed at one thing her pal mentioned, and I used to be like, that is it for me. I must know this lady instantly. Fortunately, she fell in love with me, too.” — Kwesi, 29
19. “Wakened from a dream the place she didn’t exist, that was the entire dream. We’d solely been courting for a couple of weeks, however I had this dream the place I couldn’t discover her and I wakened sweating. I felt like I knew what love felt like, the sensation that you just couldn’t probably lose that particular person.” — Brendan, 23
20. “Once we kissed for the primary time and he or she was AWFUL however I needed to maintain kissing her anyway, I knew it was love.” — Kyle, 20
21. “I’ve been in love earlier than however I’m undecided if there was ever a particular second the place I simply ‘knew.’ I believe love kind of occurs slowly, then all of sudden. It’s just like the particular person is there, they’ve at all times been there, however you begin noticing little particulars about them – the way in which they snicker once they assume one thing is de facto humorous, how they give the impression of being within the morning once they’re drained and quiet, the small noises they make once they’re getting snug – all of this stuff they’ve been doing for years they don’t even understand they do anymore however are utterly distinctive to them and new to you. Every second of discovery will increase simply how endearing you discover them till it builds up and builds up after which you don't have any selection however to blurt out “I LOVE YOU!” when doing one thing completely mundane collectively like searching for glassware at Goal or standing in line at a live performance.” — Jeanne, 25
Be happy to share your real love tales within the feedback!
Bonus: 6 Heartwarming Love Tales About Misplaced Loves Lastly Reuniting
1. like being struck by lightning: “Reuniting with my misplaced love was like being struck by lightning. He and I had been in a severe relationship again in highschool 30 years in the past. My mom didn't approve of our relationship and sadly despatched me out of the realm to maintain me away from him….Then this previous October I obtained an e mail….We emailed forwards and backwards for a couple of weeks after which I spoke with him on the telephone and that’s when the dam broke! All of the feelings got here pouring down on me simply listening to his voice. In a really quick time it grew to become clear that we had very robust emotions for each other….Proper now we're going to be seeing one another month-to-month, and I might be promoting my property on the finish of the college 12 months to maneuver as much as his space. I really like him with all my coronary heart and soul and don’t care what faults he has. I might do something for him. It’s onerous for those who haven’t skilled this to know it. By no means in my wildest desires may I've imagined this to occur. It's a curler coaster of very intense emotions that don’t at all times make sense to me! And it’s so onerous to be other than him now! When my mom broke us up, she returned his class ring that he had given me to his mom. For Christmas, he discovered the category ring, and wrapped it up for me, I used to be very touched. I put on it round my neck on a gold chain now to remind me of him. I look to our future with a lot hope and optimism.”
2. I'm so pleased: “In 1998 I met the love of my life in Sudan. A beautiful Sudanese musician who introduced out the perfect in me day by day. His presence in my life was just like the solar shining in. When he carried out, he sang for me solely. I used to be working in Sudan on the time, we had been going to get married and have stunning youngsters and reside fortunately ever after. There was a battle happening, I used to be working with war-affected youngsters and the federal government kicked me out. I used to be devastated and cried for six months. Heartbroken for years. We didn't handle to fulfill up once more and we each married unhappily. Final week, after 14 years, we had been reunited for two days and the love is as robust as ever. I really feel so blessed. Too previous to have these youngsters now, however that is going to be the perfect 12 months ever as we're free to journey and see one another. My dream of gracefully rising previous with him is coming true in spite of everything….I'm so pleased.”
3. The emotions and feelings got here flooding again with a vengeance: “Met my misplaced love virtually 30 years in the past in highschool….In a nutshell we shared chemistry and a sexual rigidity that was palpable to these round us. We often kissed (typically passionately), however by no means crossed the road from associates to lovers. After three years of being associates, hanging out and serving to one another (right here and there) our friendship blossomed into one thing extra. We lastly shared a kiss that was simple. Sadly, parental disapproval was the trigger for me leaving my love. We drifted aside and our contact to one another grew to become much less and fewer. Nonetheless, I by no means forgot her though after 20 years I ‘thought’ the previous was the previous. We just lately reconnected and determined to fulfill one afternoon and get caught up on the intervening years, nothing extra. What occurred subsequent was so surprising. The emotions and feelings got here flooding again with a vengeance. It was as if our relationship had been positioned on maintain. We rekindled our relationship inside of 1 week. Our second-chance relationship has been essentially the most emotionally charged relationship of my life. The fears, feelings, grief, regrets, all the things—all the things got here again like a flood. Over the following few months we talked about all the things possible. We married in simply over 6 months. My soulmate, my love, and now—my spouse….Our rekindled relationship has been essentially the most unbelievable journey, that began virtually three a long time in the past and lasted via all these lonely years.”
4. I needed to combat again tears: “As a young person, I had the type of love that everybody desires of discovering. My most cherished reminiscence is an unbelievable feeling of oneness once we would maintain one another and shed tears of pleasure whereas being overwhelmed by love. At such instances, there was no want for phrases as a result of we simply knew. She had extra of an affect on my life than anybody else that I've recognized….After drawing me away from unhealthy influences once we acquired collectively, she began hanging out with the fallacious crowd 4 years later. Being younger, formidable, and silly, I broke up together with her so as to save myself from being drawn again within the fallacious path. I at all times had second ideas about that call and by no means stopped loving her. I used to be haunted by the reminiscence of her final phrases once we broke up, which had been ‘I really like you.’…I lastly determined that I needed to contact her about 30 years after we broke up, 25 years since I final noticed her, and 20 years since her final letter….I used to be thrilled that she was pleased to listen to from me and that she had been looking for me….Throughout the lengthy drive to our hometown, I needed to combat again tears each time I believed what it might be prefer to look into her eyes for the primary time in a long time…I instantly felt snug together with her, and we picked up proper the place left off a few years in the past. She stored her hair lengthy, and it felt so good to run a brush via it once more. Behaving like youngsters, we spent the primary night going parking and listening to our favourite songs….We by no means acquired to spend the night time collectively as youngsters. When it lastly occurred, I lay there beside her awake all night time pondering how fortunate I used to be to have her again.”
5. even a continent couldn’t separate us: “Three-year-old Anne moved together with her household to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, simply 4 homes down from my household; I used to be 5, and we two grew to become instant associates. I used to be Anne’s protector and hero….I hadn’t spoken to Anne in additional than 30 years, however I knew her sister lived in Denver so I gave her a name once I arrived. She advised me that Anne additionally lived on the town, and he or she advised that all of us get collectively. As quickly as Anne and I noticed one another, our hearts had been singing. All the pleasure and pleasure they we had skilled collectively as youngsters reworked itself right into a mature kind; we had been in love. We noticed one another as soon as extra earlier than I returned to Pennsylvania and Anne left for Europe to spend the Christmas vacation season together with her youngsters. However now even a continent couldn’t separate us. At the moment we live our lives collectively, once more with pleasure, enthusiasm, and pleasure!…And naturally now we now have our youngsters, too. What a miracle!”
6. Now we’ve misplaced all of our teenage inhibitions: “Eric and I met in 1950 and from the second we started courting I knew we had been made for one another. We had a lot enjoyable—Eric was at all times making me snicker…I by no means forgot about Eric. Each time I heard our music, ‘Jealous Coronary heart’, by Connie Francis, I recalled the primary time Eric kissed me….[Then one day] I used to be serving on the bar when a voice I’d not heard for practically 40 years requested me if there was any likelihood of a pint. I appeared up and there was Eric, the hair was greyer and the face a bit of extra wrinkled however aside from that he was simply as good-looking as ever….Our relationship is simply as passionate and bodily as earlier than, though now we’ve misplaced all of our teenage inhibitions.”
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oh.... yes..... as an adhd steve-lover (and person who has a history of unknowingly crushing on adhd characters) i beg to hear ur reasoning......... please...
alright so a lot of this is gonna be like projection ddnkjcn and it turned into more of a general character analysis than an adhd analysis and i’m sure that some things i describe will differ from your personal experience so feel free to critique me but here goes:
Why Steve Harrington Has ADHD
Steve struggles in school, yeah, but that’s not really… crucial to my reasoning? I personally did pretty well in school despite having difficulties with getting work done on time and understanding certain things. The fact that he clearly tried to do well and just couldn’t is what’s important. That’s a classic ADHD thing, feeling like there’s some kind of invisible block making it impossible to think the way you’re supposed to be thinking and do the things you’re supposed to be doing. We see him studying a few different times with Nancy (though he’s reluctant to focus on the task in s1), it’s implied he’s written multiple drafts of the essay that he shows Nancy in the beginning of s2, meaning that he wants to do well. After Nancy critiques his essay, he basically decides to give up because he’ll never be able to make it good enough, and he probably shouldn’t even bother applying to college, and he’ll just end up working for his dad anyway. It’s a bit of an extreme jump from the relatively mild criticism he receives, but it seems to me like the kind of mindset that I (and others with ADHD) fall into constantly. First of all, rewriting something you’ve already written when you have ADHD can be… torturous. It’s impossible to focus because you’ve done it already, it feels pointless and boring, and your brain is just done with the topic. To Steve, there’s no point in even trying because he’s never gonna get it right, and he’d rather not even try than apply to college and have to suffer rejection. ADHD isn’t laziness or apathy. People with ADHD actually tend to care a lot about their performance in various aspects of life, and they care so much that it can often either propel them to excellence or drive them to depression over failure (whether that failure is true or perceived). Spoiler alert: we’re about to get into rejection sensitive dysphoria, folks!
I think this describes Steve perfectly. He wants to be the best at everything (Prom King, anyone?) and he cares a lot about what people think of him (to the degree that he spent three of his four years in high school behaving specifically to avoid the possibility of Tommy H and others making fun of him). Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD, is a condition which impacts almost all people with ADHD. This means that they are far more sensitive than most people to what others think about them. Think about Steve’s entire character arc: he essentially spends season one chasing the approval of Tommy, Carol, and Nancy. When Tommy and Carol’s desired behavior differs from Nancy’s, causing conflict, he’s forced to take a look at himself and decide what’s more important to him: pleasing his friends, or doing what’s right. Since Steve is a certified angel, he goes with what’s right, and from there goes on to apologize to Jonathan and help him and Nancy fight the Demogorgon. (Sidenote: the fistfight with Jonathan could definitely be considered as further evidence of ADHD! RSD can cause extreme emotional reactions when the person in question feels that they have been hurt or rejected, such as Steve believing that Nancy cheated on him with Jonathan. The fact that Steve resorted to cruel insults that he clearly doesn’t believe shows that he was acting out of his own hurt and anger, not out of true hatred for Jonathan.)
Anyway, s1 Steve’s entire life is built around seeking approval from his peers. He realizes that his desire for approval has turned him into somebody that he doesn’t like, so he makes a change, and by s2 we see that he’s shifted somewhat: Now, he wants to please Nancy. He’s able to handle being mocked by Billy and Tommy H because he no longer puts any stock in their brand of approval, but being told by Nancy that she doesn’t love him elicits another (somewhat) extreme emotional response: he immediately leaves her at the party with Jonathan and doesn’t pick her up for school the next morning. He’s upset with her. Later on, he goes to her house with flowers intending to apologize, though he doesn’t actually know what he’s apologizing for. All he wants is for Nancy to be with him and like him again, because he can’t handle feeling unloved and rejected. S2 is also where we see Steve’s academic insecurity, and he hints at issues with feeling like a failure in the eyes of his father. By the end of the season, he’s able to handle not being loved by Nancy because he’s found a new source of self-esteem and approval: Dustin and the rest of the kids. Through acting as their “babysitter,” Steve’s found something to take pride in that nobody can take away from him. Billy may have overshadowed his basketball stardom and broken his keg stand record, but Steve no longer needs these shallow achievements to feel a sense of self-worth.
S3 shows that, although he’s moved on from seeking approval from specific peers, Steve is still stuck searching for validation. He flirts indiscriminately hoping for anybody to respond positively, and he gets a job to appease his father. Here, I’m gonna jump ahead a little bit (because that’s just the way my brain is saying it’s gotta be lmao) and talk about a few of Steve’s other canon traits, then circle back around to how we see his ongoing struggle with RSD manifest in s3.
Now for the trait that people more commonly associate with ADHD, especially in men and young boys: hyperactivity. This one is a little more self-explanatory so I’m not gonna spend as much time on it. Steve excels in situations with clearly defined rules and expectations where it’s easier to stay on-track, as well as in high-pressure, fast-paced environments. This is why he succeeds in basketball and why he’s such a big damn hero every season. He thinks on his feet and steps up in intense situations without hesitation. Steve is the one who wedged something under the elevator door so that everyone could escape, he’s the one who took out a Russian soldier before he was able to alert anybody else, and when he saw Billy about to ram into Team Griswold Family, he crashed into Billy’s car. Part of this is the fact that it’s a sci-fi action horror show, and there are going to be dramatic action-packed situations, but it’s telling that if Steve is around, he’s almost always the one leaping into danger and adapting to the situation to deal with it quickly. Speaking of s3: The conversation Steve and Robin had on the floor in the Russian torture chamber!
This feeds into an even more elaborate Steve meta theory of mine about how he basically lives his life as if it’s a play and there’s a script and a set of rules that he’s gotta follow to please the audience, so I’m not gonna go into ALL of it, but this conversation is also important to the idea of Steve having ADHD and struggling with RSD. Steve says, “It just baffles me. Everything that people tell you is important, everything that people say you should care about, it’s all just… bullshit.” When Robin says that she feels like her life has been “one big error,” he agrees. So far, Steve has lived his whole life according to one set of rules. If you flirt with girls and go to parties and play basketball, you’ll be cool and popular. Now that he’s graduated, he’s floundering. The structure of high school is gone and everything he worked for doesn’t actually matter in real life. People with ADHD often struggle more than others with the transition from high school to either college or the working world. Loss of familiar frameworks, routines, and actions can hit the ADHD mind hard, and this is pretty clearly happening to Steve in s3. In the beginning of the season, he can’t even manage to have a decent conversation with a girl without bringing up school and his own perceived failures. Sidenote: Robin also mentions that Steve was late to class every single day, which is both extremely relatable to me and the most ADHD thing I’ve ever heard. I knew exactly how long it took me to get from my house to the school, and I woke up with plenty of time to get ready every single morning, yet I somehow managed to be late so many mornings that I got multiple detentions and ended up having to skip a couple of classes entirely because another tardy would have fucked up my disciplinary record.
Later on in the bathroom scene, when he’s talking about why he didn’t talk to Robin back in school, Steve says, “…maybe ‘cause Tommy H would’ve made fun of me or I wouldn’t be Prom King. It’s stupid…” and it’s somewhat of a continuation of the earlier conversation. Steve is expressing the same sentiment. Now that he’s out of high school, everything that he once used to measure his success and self-worth is just stupid. This is another classic RSD thing! People with ADHD/RSD often set impossibly high standards for themselves and then struggle with self-hatred and doubt when they cannot live up to these expectations. Robin kind of inspires and encourages him to set new, more attainable standards for himself. Spending time with Robin makes Steve happy in a way that he’s never really been before, and he realizes that all of the benchmarks of normalcy and success that he’s been striving for don’t guarantee happiness like they’re supposed to. Instead of finding happiness in academic, romantic, or athletic success, he finds happiness in an unlikely friendship. His whole arc for three seasons has essentially been a big struggle with RSD and impulsivity where he learned how to handle social rejection and place the needs and feelings of others before his own.
There’s also a ton of little things in Joe Keery’s acting choices that support ADHD Steve, like his near-perpetual motion and the way that he’s gotta pace and eat a damn banana (both the traditional way and the no-homo breaking it into pieces way, might I add) so he can listen to Dustin talk about the Russian code. I personally relate to a lot of things he does, like mixing up basic names and facts (like Nazis/Germans in s2 and Gumby/gumbo in s3), and needing to explain a whole situation out loud before he really gets it (like when he runs down the entire monster situation in the mall in s3). I don’t know if those are ADHD things but they make me feel Seen.
Anyways. That’s about it!! Thanks for asking lmao
#princeandreis#steve harrington#stranger things#em talks#asks#i... did not intend for this to be over 1700 words#i'm aware of the irony in a post about adhd being so long and i understand if yall end up skipping over it entirely nkjdcnx#adhd#lesbianrobin.canon
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The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for?
Shredded cheese.
Do you like clowns?
Just Pennywise.
Have you answered all of these questions honestly so far?
Uh, we were just two questions in and they were simple questions, no need to lie about what I got out of my fridge and whether I like clowns lol.
What's the third text in your inbox?
Doesn’t work that way.
Are you listening to anything at the moment?
An ASMR video.
Do you twitch when your falling asleep?
>> Yeah, sometimes. Or I have that sudden falling feeling and jerk awake. <<< Ugh, same. I hate that.
Are your dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty?
Clean.
Are you at home or with friends more often?
I’m always at home, even before the quarantine/lockdown stuff began. For the past few years, actually.
When is the last time you were on a bicycle?
Never.
What have you eaten today?
So far just ramen.
Would you date someone 15 years older than you?
I don’t think so.
Do you own a strapless bra?
Yeah.
Does the person you like know it?
I don’t like anyone in that way.
Did anything brighten up your day today?
It’s only 5 in the morning, not a whole lot as happening. I don’t see much happening later on either, though.
How are you feeling at this exact moment?
Tired.
Are you someone who worries too often?
Yepppp.
If you could date somebody who would it be?
No one right now.
Do you ever wonder how other people see you?
Sometimes, but it scares me. I’d really rather not know.
What is one good thing you're known for?
I don’t know.
How about one bad thing?
I don’t know.
Are you taller than most?
>> Most children, yeah. LOL <<< Ha, same.
When was the last time you sang an ENTIRE song?
It’s been a few days since I’ve listened to music.
Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home?
I like to be at home, which like I said is where I spend all my time.
What time do you normally go to bed?
Between 7 and 8AM. :X
What is one thing that is currently bothering you?
The usual things.
What did you do today?
So far just ate ramen, watched some YouTube videos, went on Tumblr, did surveys, played some Animal Crossing, and listened to ASMR videos.
Do you consider yourself to be attractive?
Nope.
What was the last thing that you drank?
Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.
Is anything annoying you now?
Yes.
Has anyone ever said i love you to you and not meant it?
I’m sure. Some people throw those words around too easily.
Do you regret going out with the last person you did?
No.
Do you realize it when you curse?
Yeah. I don’t curse often, so when I do it really stands out.
When was the last time you showered?
Yesterday.
Who did you last talk to in person?
My brother.
Do you ever have days where you just don't do anything?
I don’t do much day to day, but yes there’s days where I’m really having a hard time or don’t feel and I don’t feel up to doing anything besides lie down, sleep, and stare at the TV.
Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep?
Yes. I do that often for some reason.
What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all?
I’ve seen some episodes of that here and there, but I can’t think of any particular episode at the moment. I know there’s news episodes coming out about people’s experience in quarantine.
Have you ever experienced something paranormal?
No.
What's the longest amount of time you've been stuck in traffic?
A couple hours. I don’t even like spending a few minutes being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.
Best field trip experience?
I loved all the field trips as a kid.
Have you ever been to New York City?
No, but I’ve always wanted to go.
If so, is it all its cracked up to be?
What is the most amount of money you've spent on a meal before?
Hmm. Probably like $50. It was a nice, pricey restaurant.
What museums have you visited, if any?
Several.
Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you?
Yes. I hated group projects, they added way more stress.
What's your worst traveling experience?
The drive to and from Idaho to California back in 2010. We went to Idaho to see my grandpa who was very sick and his wife told us he didn’t have much time left, so my parents, brother, and I made the 12+ drive there. We left at night and it was during the wintertime, so we drove through snowy, dangerous conditions, something we’re not used to because it doesn’t snow where we live. The trip back home was worse because we were all very emotional and tired and our patience was real thin. It was a rough trip back home. At one point during the night we had to find a hotel because the roads were too slippery and dangerous to drive on from the snow and because a lot of people had to do the same, it was hard finding somewhere. We fortunately got a one bed room and made it work, with some of us sleeping on the floor. Something that I don’t want to get into happened that night that made me extremely angry and upset to the point I was literally shaking and that is not normal for me.
Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why?
Sims 3 out of those options, but Sims 4 over all of ‘em.
Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go?
Yeah, we’ve had a few noisy neighbors over the years. The current neighbors we have we had an issue with their dogs barking excessively. They left them outside all day and they just barked all the time. We eventually had to say something and thankfully we got things sorted out.
Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school?
I had 2 horrible math teachers in community college, but otherwise I never had any issues with my teachers.
Best muffin you've ever had?
I love banana muffins (no nut), lemon poppyseed, and blueberry muffins.
Have you ever taken a woodshop class?
For an elective in middle school.
If so, was it required?
No, it was an elective. <<<
How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one?
I go on there for a few minutes at at a time a few times a day.
What area of math are you best at? Worst?
I was always horrible at math.
How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you?
It’s cool to bond over shared interests. @gic-ga and I just recently obsessed over Linkin Park together haha.
What is the strangest thing you've ever seen outside of your house?
A freakin’ bat flying around one night. That’s most definitely not a common sighting here. I had never seen or heard of any such sighting prior to that. It was crazy.
Do you believe in luck? Why or why not?
No.
How often do you "half-ass" things (put little effort in)?
These past few years I haven’t put much ass at all into things. :/
Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people?
Yes.
Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work?
Those 2 awful math professors I mentioned before made me feel even worse about not understanding the material.
How reliable is your internet connection?
Very. There’s very rarely an issue.
Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary?
No.
What's something that makes you incredibly nervous?
Uh, a lot of things. That’s how I am.
What's the latest you've ever stayed up to finish homework/a project?
Many late nights or early mornings in college.
If you don't have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them?
If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn't need them anymore?
I honestly like my glasses. I’ve had to wear them since I was 9, they’re apart of me. I look and feel weird without ‘em.
How many vegetarians do you know?
I’m not sure.
Have you ever considered going to art school?
No. I have no artistic talents or abilities. I never had the interest in trying just a class either, like with a drawing class or something, so definitely not an art school, a school devoted to the arts.
Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you?
Myself.
How quickly can you write an essay?
For me I struggled with getting started, but once I did I’d get in my groove.
Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class?
No.
Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert?
No. I always get the nosebleeds seats cause that’s where the handicap seating tends to be. They’re cheaper up there; though, so hey.
If you have a job, who is your least favorite coworker/manager?
Favorite episode of Spongebob?
I don’t have a favorite. I’ve seen episodes cause my younger brother and cousins watched it all the time, but I was never really into it myself.
Do you have any silly/odd emotional connections to anything/anyone?
To inanimate objects cause of memories attached to them. Like, I have a hard time getting rid of anything.
Are your parents supportive of you?
Yes.
How often do you take the train to go places?
Never.
Do you play with your phone in awkward situations?
Ha, yeah.
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hold me like a soldier - bucky x reader fic
PART TWO - JAMES
Pairing: bucky barnes x female reader
Excerpt: “Anyway. I saw you sitting on your own, and I always sit on my own too, and I kind of hate it because this whole grad school thing has reduced my friendship circle to exactly zero, not including my new pot plant Hero, who is great but not very talkative, you know? She doesn’t have many opinions on Tolstoy’s use of the interior monologue in Anna Karenina. And also my roommate spends a lot of time examining corpses in the interest of science, so she’s not the most fun at the moment.”
Warnings: none
Taglist: @lunatictardis @cals-cigarette (reply or send me an ask to be added!)
You were under absolutely no impression that grad school was going to be easy. Yet, that being said, you’d never counted on it being this damn difficult either. Sure, the classes were more intense and more frequent, the deadlines already piling up and ready to leave you shaking like a village in a cyclone—but the classes you could deal with. You’re more than used to homework and Shakespeare is nowhere near as undecipherable as it was in high school, romance and comedy and tragedy now a wholly fluent language in your brain. No, what is difficult is how fucking lonely you are.
You’ve done the whole moving-to-college thing before, but that was back when you were eighteen and naïve and everyone in your dorm was in the same rocking boat, dropped in the middle of a city and on the hunt for (illegal) cheap beer. Now you’re older, arguably wiser and surrounded by hardworking mature students with exceptional career goals. Your roommate, Elise, is almost finished med school and has absolutely no interest in hunting down New York’s best bookstores with you. And the people on your course…they either have friends already, from their undergrad majors, or rush off the minute class is over. It leaves you aimlessly wandering the city on your own or cowered in the library, desperate for any—literally any—company other than your family, fuzzy and lagging over Skype conversations.
School is important. Probably the most important thing in your life, and you’ve worked really fucking hard to get here. But your sanity is important too. Spending another evening with a bottle of budget wine and Friends re-runs on Netflix while pretending to make notes for your medieval lit seminar is definitely not doing it any favours.
So—this is it, you decide. This is the day you bite the bullet. You will no longer be the loneliest girl in New York City, even if that means forcibly pinning someone to the wall of the literature faculty and making them get coffee with you.
(Not that you’d ever have the nerve to do that. Of course. Where does anyone even acquire that sheer level of confidence?)
Your morning starts in a building a fifteen minute walk from your apartment and the October air is unseasonably warm, sweat pooling in the small of your back where your rucksack dips. You make it to Russian lit with a few minutes to spare so you take your usual preferred seat a few rows away from the back of the hall, trailing to the middle. The faces that start to fill up the seats around you are recognisable, at least, but you know very few by name. A girl who is also in your Early Victorian Proto-Feminism class (Tessa, you think) smiles tightly at you, but decides not to sit next to you, preferring a seat nearer the front. As you get your laptop out in preparation for the lecture starting, another face catches your eye.
You don’t know his name, but you always notice him, whether it’s in class or in the library or the canteen near the activity centre. He always dresses smartly but in greys and blacks and blues, like he deliberately tries to evade attention. His dark hair is short but hangs a little in his eye-line, revealing an attractive face with a sharp jawline and sharper eyes. A ghost of facial hair shadows his chin and although you’ve never seen him smile, you can imagine it being the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. Like the stars back home, the ones unaffected by artificial light, impossibly bright. You don’t get to see the stars like that in New York City. It’s like the skyscrapers have stolen them to burn.
He’s never acknowledged you before. Your stares go unseen, thankfully, because there’s nothing more embarrassing than trying to explain why your eyes refuse to leave somebody’s frame. This time, however—this time, his eyes flicker straight over to you. It’s unmistakable. For a couple of seconds, his blue irises settle on your own, and you snap away quickly as your cheeks flush.
Good one. Real good.
At that moment the professor turns up and starts to load up today’s presentation. When you look back, you can see the back of the guy’s head, a few rows in front of you diagonally across the hall. He’s on the shorter row by the door, only three seats either side of him, but all of them are empty. He doesn’t seem to have many friends either. It doesn’t strike you that there may be a reason for that—maybe he’s just shy, or finds it difficult to find friends, just like you.
(He seems a little older than you, too. There’s just something about his expression, aloof and quiet, that makes you think he carries more years than his face cares to admit.)
The lecture is on Tolstoy and while the professor’s theories on Anna Karenina are interesting, you keep finding yourself glancing at the guy. This is the first time you’ve realised he doesn’t have a laptop, unlike the majority of students in the hall. He’s scribbling notes fervently in a small moleskin notebook, hand covering the side of his face as he writes.
By the time the lecture finishes and you’ve typed a grand total of eight words (the presentation title, go figure) the decision is basically out of your hands. You can’t let him sidle out of the hall like every single Russian lit class before this one, especially if he insists on causing this much distraction to your studies. As the professor finishes up you quickly pack away your laptop, squeezing between the rows in an attempt to reach him before you lose him amongst crowds of other students in the quad outside.
Your gaze follows his scruffy black backpack, standing on your tiptoes as you try to see over the tops of the heads that make their way down the stairs. He presses a white earphone into his ear and between arms, you can see he owns an iPhone, just not a laptop.
For half a second, you falter. Is this weird? Walking up to someone random—well, almost random—after class and just striking up a conversation? Maybe he’s alone because he wants to be, preferring to stalk about without company other than his own. Maybe the seats are empty because he’s completely unapproachable, others before you tried and failing to break into his circle. After all, he’s hardly unattractive. You can’t be the only one feeling subconsciously drawn to him.
Oh, fuck it. Whatever happened to biting the bullet? You remember something your sister mentioned to you in one of your two-hour long Skype marathons—be brave, loser.
You follow him until you’re out of the between-class rush, jogging a little to catch up with his long strides. Taking a deep breath to psych yourself up, you stumble to a halt beside him as he stops to read a message or something on his phone.
“Hey,” you say, a little breathless from your jog, pulling your rucksack straps up your shoulder.
He blinks, a little surprised, like he hadn’t seen you. His hands tighten into fists, then relax. He recognises you. “Hey?”
You smile, hoping to appear approachable, but wondering if it actually comes across as a grimace. “I’m, uh—sorry, we just had Russian lit together?”
His face is totally unreadable, but his body looks tense, putting you on edge. Maybe this was an extremely bad idea. “Yeah. I saw you.”
“Yeah, I saw you too. Well, obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t have…” you realise you’re rambling and to your surprise, there’s a hint of amusement on the guy’s face. It seems to flicker away quickly, like he’s telling himself off for it. “Anyway. I saw you sitting on your own, and I always sit on my own too, and I kind of hate it because this whole grad school thing has reduced my friendship circle to exactly zero, not including my new pot plant Hero, who is great but not very talkative, you know? She doesn’t have many opinions on Tolstoy’s use of the interior monologue in Anna Karenina. And also my roommate spends a lot of time examining corpses in the interest of science, so she’s not the most fun at the moment.”
He listens bemusedly, his hands sinking into the pockets of his trousers. You sigh. Verbal diarrhoea.
“The point being…we could, maybe, sit together?” you offer, hoping you haven’t immediately put him off if he was ever considering what you’re proposing. “Talk about Russian books sometimes so I don’t go mad?”
His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat as he looks down at his shoes; they’re scuffed up red Converse sneakers, the only part of him in technicolour. You’re almost certain he’s going to turn you down, the sting of rejection premeditated in your stomach, because hell you’ve been in this position before. He’s silent, considering this simple arrangement for longer than you’d anticipated, which is somehow a good and bad sign simultaneously.
“I…” he begins, and you’ve already finished the sentence. I would rather not, thank you. His jaw flexes, hardens. “I can sit with you.”
“Oh!” you say, brightly, by surprise. Nonchalance isn’t an option. Your grin is so damn obvious and you’re not even ashamed of it. “Oh, cool!”
“But—I don’t say this to be…I’ve just got a lot of stuff going on.” He smiles sadly, painfully. This expression is definitely readable. More readable than he wants it to be, you suspect. He dips his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Your hand closes round his arm and you can feel it tense, rock hard, and it’s like—like he realises you aren’t a threat, so he relaxes, his expression soft but eager to get away. You smile as a peace offering. “I just thought I’d ask your name. Then I’ll leave you alone. Promise.”
He mulls the question over in his head like he’s attempting a complex math problem, not a daily occurrence. His mouth curves before deciding on his answer. “James.”
“James,” you repeat, trying it out. You give him yours in exchange and he nods once, expression returning to neutral. He turns and makes his way to his next destination, perhaps another class, and before you know it he’s swallowed by college crowds and completely gone from view.
It’s been one of your more…charged interactions on campus, but nevertheless it leaves a warm feeling in your stomach. Sitting with someone is a start. It’s sure as hell better than sitting alone.
#mcu#marvel#marvel cinematic universe#bucky x reader#bucky x female reader#bucky x you#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#fluff#marvel fic#marvel fanfic#bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#fanfic#sebastian stan
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Party of Three
TOMMY CONLON ONESHOT
Characters: Tommy Conlon/OFC
Warnings: NSFW. Explicit Sexual Content. Language. Brief mentions of childbirth. Fluffy fluffy fluffy.
Party of Three
*Quite lengthy. I just got carried away with Tommy Conlon. It happens to the best of us*
(GIF NOT MINE)
The strobing of a weak streetlight bulb flickered as the haze of dawn drew pink and orange waves of the sunrise in the Pittsburgh skyline. While most 31-year-old, sensible men were still tucked into their Egyptian cotton sheets, nuzzled into the crook of their college-sweetheart turned lawyer wife, Tommy was jogging alone before daylight half withdrawn from the 8 days without Oxy. The sweat sagging neck of his hoodie smelled of exercise and rock-bottom, and his stomach churned from the lack of practical nourishment his breakfast of whiskey and dry-toast lacked. His night-shifts down at the new factory mended his bank account enough, so he had finally relocated from the mildewed, night-mare stained childhood bedroom at his pop’s place. The paint was chipped, the carpet was slimy and stonewashed, and the bathroom sink seemed to be eternally clogged, but his name was on the lease. It belonged to him, and it was his own to tarnish, and morph into a lifetime den of twisted memories.
He rounded the final corner of his 3-mile journey, approaching the two-stepped stoop of his gray townhouse and the chugging engine of a garbage truck roared up the street beside him. He turned, nodding an empty ‘good-morning’ to the driver exhaling his nicotine morning breath out the window, when a yelping body apparently below his peripheral line of sight collided with his stalky glide.
“What the fu-“
His dry-worked hands skidded across the crumpling sidewalk to keep his teeth from implanting into the concrete, and smashing whatever lightening quick object had made its way under his running feet.
“Cole! Oh my God, are you alright, sweetie?!”
Tommy felt a squirming, snubbing mass finagle free, to run towards the safety of the panicked, flailing arms of the fitful brunette galloping down the driveway. A small boy with a shaggy bowl haircut, decked in the white-cotton threads of a karate suit, wiped the streaking tears down his flushed cheeks, and wrapped his lanky arms around the waist of what appeared to be his older sister. Aunt, maybe?
“I’m so sorry. He’s a little excited. He ran ahead of me out the front door before I could wrangle him up. Are you hurt?” The striking hazel eyes of a petite face framed in chocolate, wavy mane knelt to assess the child for bruises or blood.
“I’m uh… Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry ‘bout it. Is he… is he okay?” Tommy stuttered, searching his face for injury.
“No blood, no foul. Right, sweetie?”
“I’m not hurt, mommy. Boys who know karate are tough, ‘member?” He peered up at his young mother, puffing his chest to allude imaginary muscles there.
“That’s right, how could I forget?!” She conked a fist to her noggin at the little man beside her. “I’m Whitleigh, by the way. And this is Cole. We live next door now. Just moved in a few days ago.” The lady outstretched a shaking hand, and Tommy noted the lack of a ring on her left hand.
“Oh yeah? I saw some movin’ trucks out front. I’m Tommy. Tommy Conlon.” His clammy palm met her feminine skin, and he might’ve even weakly smiled at the sensation of her touch. “So, karate, huh? You prolly a real scrapper, ain’t ya’?”
“You’re um, you’re a fighter or something, aren’t you? I’ve seen you in the paper before, I think.”
Tommy dropped his head diffidently at her inquisitiveness, peeling back his hood to palm the back of his blotched neck.
“Really? You fight people? Like, like a real-life wrestler?!” Cole yipped, eyes widening at Tommy like he was some superstar in the flesh.
“Uhhh, somethin’ like that, I guess. But, I couldn’t take you, that’s for sure.” Tommy weak fisted the boys bicep, and he chuckled with a snaggle-toothed smile.
“Well, we better get goin’. Cole has a big meet this morning down at the Y, and we’re already running late. See you around?” She suggestively hurried the boy up the drive towards her black sedan parked near the front porch, combing the blonde hair from his eyes.
“Right, yeah. Um, I’m sure I’ll be seein’ you guys.” Tommy cleared the lump in his throat. He hadn’t exchanged a conversation of this length with another human being in months, and his mouth felt tired from the foreign amount of chit-chat.
“Mommy, can Mr. Tommy come watch me today? My friends would think I was the best if a tv fighter came to my match!”
Whitleigh’s mouth fell open into a slack smile as she clicked the boy into his back-seat booster. Her eyes caught the rising sun, and Tommy felt an unfamiliar stir somewhere near his heart. Like, maybe there was actually a beating organ inside his scathed, tattooed chest.
“Not today, buddy. I’m sure he’s got lots to do. Maybe another time though, alright?”
Tommy coughed, and scratched his five o’clock shadowed jawbone. “You can show me those skills some other time, Cole. Good luck today, though.”
The adolescent lad nodded with hopefulness, and she latched the rear-door while coyly smiling at Tommy from a distance.
Tommy turned his back, stomping up his porch and beginning to peel loose the ratty confines of his sleeveless sweatshirt. This newfound, sudden appearance of tangible emotion had him questioning his insane decision of recent painkiller sobriety.
……
Whitleigh and Cole settled nicely on the block, and next door to Tommy, the man they both had inherited a specific soft spot for. The impressionable, aspiring karate kid carefully noted his fighting role models routine, and would wake up every morning before the birds even began stirring, to watch Tommy stretch, and yawn as he jogged down the sidewalk, only keeping track of him when his shadow would fall into the glare of a streetlight. Then, he’d settle back beneath the rumpled covers of his plaid patterned sheets, and wait for his mother to rouse him for school.
Whitleigh’s sprouting intrigue for the brawny man next door however, was certainly one of a more adult rated nature. She found herself tip-toeing passed the living room window more often than necessary to check for stirring in the house next door. Was he home? Was he home alone again? She waited specifically unnervingly for another excruciatingly hot evening hoping the sticky summer sun would have him washing his motorcycle shirtless on the curb again, covered in sweat and cool drippings from the water hose. He was like living, breathing, X-rated erotica for her to enjoy at her leisure. Not only had he been candy for her eye, but his extreme observance, and need to protect she and Cole moved her greatly. If the motion light she nailed over the backdoor detected any movement, and clicked on, she’d find Tommy peeping through his own curtains as she did the same, investigating the surroundings. And when the mailman seemed to be lingering on her porch one morning while she drank her coffee in the swing, Tommy ran him off quite harshly, informing her the guy was a no good, ex-con.
One Saturday evening, she was scurrying, and tripping over her own two feet trying to wag in grocery bags with the help of her as always very active 6 year-old. The thin strap of her black, flowing tank top was sliding over tip of her shoulder, and she blew a lock of her untamable hair from her eyes, giggling as Cole’s hiccups from gulping his slushy too fast on the car ride home echoed from behind her.
The trunk of her car slammed to a close, and she heard the rustling plastic of more bags being unloaded.
“Tommy! Hey, Tommy look! My tongue, is it blue?!” Cole’s toothless lisp screeched at the man walking up the steps with an impressive amount of cargo lined on each arm.
“Yeah, buddy. It is. Whatchu been into, ya’ lil smurf.”
“He insisted on a slushy at the grocery. And he did so well at practice this morning I just couldn’t say no.” Whitleigh smiled, pinching her tongue to aid in concentration as she maneuvered for the front door key.
“I got a medal, too. Most ‘intuned’ in the class!”
“Most-improved, baby. You’re most-improved.”
Tommy, and the child’s mom chuckled to themselves, careful not to discourage Cole and his little blunder. She kicked the door open easily, Tommy catching it with his own foot to prop it open for Cole and the measly two bags he carried.
“Hey uh, how would you feel about maybe takin’ a run with me in the morning, Cole. It’s gonna be a hot one, and I could sure use somebody to go with me. You down? If your mom says it’s okay, o’ course.” He tousled a noogie over the boys head, and looked side-eyed to Whitleigh as she lunged upward to store the unloaded contents in the cabinet.
The waistline of her light-washed, denim capris clung perfectly fitted to her displayed backside, and Tommy caught a glance of her tanned lower back. Her figure wasn’t toned, and gym-fit like the twenty-something, single women around town. But the way her womanly hips curved, and her thick thighs from the exercise of chasing the likes of a hyperactive kindergartener moved, very much had Tommy’s approval.
“Oh, Tommy… I don’t think you really want him tagging along. Won’t he slow you down? And you’d have to keep a really close eye on him. It’s barely daylight when you leave.”
She turned away, mouthing curses to herself for giving away that she had seen him leave the house a few times before dawn when she heard the pattering racket of his front door closing. Cole wasn’t the only person on dutiful neighborhood watch. She may, or may not have been checking to see if it was indeed a female making her break for it after a night of tantric rolling in the sheets with her unannounced crush.
“He’ll be fine, Whit. I’m not incapable of taking care of a kid, y’ know…” He rolled his eyes, trying and failing to appear insulted.
“MOMMA, MOMMA! Please, please, can I go wif’ Tommy? Please!”
The mother hen sighed, and reluctantly nodded the granting consent and Cole began hipping and hopping circles around the kitchen counter, throwing in a few of his martial arts kicks, and grunts to boot. His erratic spinning of circles weighed heavy on his balance, and Tommy caught his wheezing, giggly body before he toppled face-first onto the floor.
“Alright, kid. You better get to bed early for ya’ mom tonight. I’ll be here for you bright and early tomorrow morning.”
Whitleigh’s heart, among other things were warmed watching the way this mysteriously gentle, yet rough around the edges man had already taken such a liking to her young son. Friends for a single-mother were rare to come by, and she intended somehow to relay her gratitude to Tommy for his blind kindness to the both of them.
She sat her alarm for 4 a.m., allowing herself 30 minutes extra to peel Cole from underneath his plethora of stuffed friends in his bed, but was taken aback when she found him sitting cross-legged in the floor of his bedroom when she opened his door.
“Cole! What do you think you’re doing?! We don’t play with scissors, do you hear me?” She yanked the ragged blade of her kitchen shears out of his grips, and scolded his disobedient act.
She assessed him thoroughly, searching for any nicks or cuts on his arms or legs, then groaned out when she realized what he had done. A still tagged sweatshirt she had bought him back at Christmas was missing a sleeve, and the other hung on jaggedly by a thread.
“Honey, what did you do, huh?” She sighed, and searched Cole’s explanatory eyes.
“I wanted mine to be like Tommy’s, mommy.”
Cole had abstractly chopped the leaves of his hooded shirt to mock Tommy and his DIY running attire. She wanted to be angry, and she would be internally. But, she couldn’t help but laugh at his clever thinking.
She wet his toothbrush and watched him brush, then double knotted his tennis shoes before stepping out the front door to wait for Tommy. The silken robe tied around her waist covered her braless chest, and the men’s boxer briefs she unconventionally used as pajama bottoms.
Next door, Tommy was readying his post-run protein shake, setting aside some ingredients for a kid-friendly edition, thinking Cole would want his own when they returned. He couldn’t make sense of what he felt for the boy, or the fact that he was feeling anything period. Maybe, he saw flashes of himself in Cole’s fatherless lie? Did he want the kid to have some male in his life that encouraged him, and taught him the way a man should behave, and treat people? Sure, maybe Tommy wasn’t the most equipped man for the job, but he knew not to beat women, or lay hands on children. Which was more than his own father ever bothered to teach him.
He poked a finger through his kitchen blinds, the window that looked directly across the driveway into Whitleigh’s bedroom, and saw some lamp light peeking out behind her darkened curtain, alluding she was awake and readying Cole. He wondered aimlessly if he should extend the invite for her to join he and Cole, but remembered how she often teases him for his ‘meathead’ lifestyle. Tommy knew she appreciated his workout habits more than she let on though. Her sideways good morning glances at him while he did his routine 100 jumps of the rope before his 8 a.m. spar told him so. However well his stupid abs, or bulgy biceps usually helped him reel in the brainless groupies down at the bar he frequented, he knew Whitleigh needed more. His grunts, and sulks wouldn’t be enough to impress her.
He shook himself out of the spiraling abyss of questioning, and almost grabbed a shot glass to smother the thoughts. But, he’d need to be sharp, and responsible with Cole if he wanted to remain in good standing with the beautiful family next door.
He left his side door unlocked behind him, as he walked the minimal steps from his house to the residence next door. Cole was bouncing up and down the steps, spitting impersonations of an airplane, or a tractor maybe, chasing an imaginary object around the yard. His mom sat arms crossed on the stoop, her half-exposed thighs fidgeting with the morning chill. Tommy admired her without the touches of makeup, and with the lingering dark circles of a less than restful night.
“Tommy, hey look! Look at me!” Cole galloped into Tommy’s arms, grinning ear to ear, and pounding his chest.
“I caught the little troublemaker in his room with scissors before I got up morning. He took the liberty of nixing the sleeves from that brand-new sweatshirt. Wanted to look like Tommy, didn’t you, bub?” Whitleigh sarcastically smirked, standing at Tommy’s arrival.
He looked at Cole in his arms, giggling uncontrollably at the boy’s miniature hoodie cut to resemble the one he was also wearing. He became instantly afraid, dazed with pressure even. He hadn’t realized the intense way that Cole had indeed been noting him, and observing his every move. A duty to tow the line, and keep on his toes for the sponge of a child settled hard on his heart.
“You look badass, buddy!”
“Tommy!!” Whitleigh scolded with lightening speed.
“I.. Uh, I mean… You look awesome, bro. Real uh.. real cool. Yeah, that’s what I meant.” Tommy coughed and clambered to bury his little expletive mistake.
“Watch him. Please…” She cocked her head, pleading to him with a crinkled nose. “You listen to Tommy, Cole. And stay right by his side, got it?”
“Yeah, momma. I be good, won’t I Tommy?” Cole yanked on Tommy’s long arm, pulling with all his might to hurry him down the road.
“We’ll be fine. No worries, okay? Be back in a couple hours or so. I’ve got my cell if we need ya’.”
She peered down the empty, slow streets of Saturday until the pair turned the corner out of her sight. Tommy glanced back a couple of times, with Cole following suit to wave at her smiling on the porch. She trusted her son was in good hands, and it was safe to squeeze in a least another hour cat nap before breakfast.
Her cellphone vibrated and buzzed off the side of her end table next to the couch, awaking her with an incoming call. The lazy slumber passing immediately at the disturbance, as she feared the worst expecting trouble with Cole. Tommy’s named lit up across the touchscreen, and she said ‘hello’ before the call had even connected.
“Incoming. Just wanted to make sure you were awake.” Tommy meekly whispered.
She abruptly stood from her couch, peering out the glass storm door, to see the man shoving his phone down into the slick pocket of his shorts, and Cole’s legs dangling around Tommy’s waist.
Jumping barefoot outside, Tommy lifted a hand to calm her, and slow her down before she woke the snoozing child.
“Shhhh.. Hey hey hey, he’s fine, Whit. He’s fine. He got sleepy about 2 miles in, and said his legs were tired,” he smiled sweetly. “So I just carried him back. He fell asleep about 10 minutes ago, I think. At least that’s when he stopped talking about Power Rangers, so I think that’s when anyways.”
Whitleigh reached forth, opening her arms for Tommy to pass the petite, sleeping mass to her so she could settle him inside. But he shook his head under his hood, and continued towards her house.
“I got ‘em. Just lead the way.”
He walked quietly on her heels down the hallway, barely lit with the yellow glow of the sun’s onset towards Cole’s bedroom. Posters of MMA circuit fighters, and a few baseball stars pinned to white walls, and a nightlight near his bed in the shape of a boxing glove. He imagined it would’ve been a room much like his own had he not had to share the small, attic space with his older brother who cared more about women and cars rather than fighting. On Cole’s nightstand, stained with the wet circle of last night’s glass of water, was a portrait of he and Tommy dressed in matching karate garb, drawn in faded marker.
“Best friends, huh?” Tommy nodded towards the misspelled words on the work of art, catching Whitleigh’s eye as she nestled him under the comforter, kissing his reddened cheek.
“He made it last night,” she answered. “I couldn’t get him into bed until he finished. He was planning to give it to you after the little jog this morning.”
“The kid has good taste in friends. What can I say?”
“I guess so. The verdict is still out.” She winded a hand through the tangled ends of her hair, leaving a tiny crack in the door as they scurried out so she could peep in on him later.
“Well, share that pot of coffee I smell, and I’ll see if I can convince ya’.”
He watched her dainty, painted toes stick to the cool floor as she swayed slowly into the kitchen, and he wafted his shirt to let some cool air onto his perspiring chest. He let his brain simmer on the possibilities of what was hidden prettily under the pink robe that skimmed just above a thin scar on her knee.
“Cream and sugar?” She peeped as the pour of coffee flowed into the bottom of a ceramic mug.
“Nah, black is good.”
Whitleigh served two cups, and tucked her leg underneath her as she sat in the wooden chair across the table from him. She fiddled with the silver chain hanging from her neck, only more attracting Tommy to the fluttering gape of her robe as she moved in her seat.
“Was he good for you? Didn’t give you any trouble or anything?”
“He’s a real good kid, Whitleigh. Honest. You done a real good job wit’ him.”
His lips squished on the rim of the cup as he slurped the bitter brew, and she felt her center ignite.
“Thanks, Tommy. It doesn’t hurt that I’ve got somebody like you around to be an example to him either…”
Her lashes cast a fluttering, unmeasurably lengthy shadow over the rim of her lower lid onto her cheek, and Tommy had to situate his visibly growing attraction to her. The strength and steady head she displayed in raising her son alone, the way she held her composure day in, & day out with work and managing a household. What wasn’t to like? The heavy swell of her bosom, and the way her smile seemed to be effortlessly seductive no matter the occasion didn’t hurt matters.
“Trust me… My shit isn’t together even half of what yours is. But, I like the kid, so I’ll help any way you need me. I kinda like hangin’ around you two.”
Tommy didn’t want her to mistake his comments as a come on, but the other half of his shifty brain hoped she would, and maybe he’d get some clarity on how she felt towards him. He couldn’t handle the subtle exchanges, and cheeky stealing looks. Tommy wasn’t the type who played well at cat & mouse, unless he was standing in the cage toying with his next victim.
Neither had really noticed how many wordless seconds had ticked by until the rhythmic drip of the kitchen faucet splashed towards the drain, shaking them to reality. Tommy gulped, scratching his forearm nervously and looked around the room pointlessly, while Whitleigh raised to tend to the leak. She shook the handle, jiggled the spout, and Tommy heard her murmur a ‘piece of shit’ under her breath. He scooted the chair from under him, and rounded the table sitting his empty glass there, to take her side.
“I can fix that, if you want. Not a problem at all.”
He meant to stand to next to her and estimate the appliance issue, but instead he settled his feet behind hers on the kitchen mat, and extended around under her arm. He saw the hairs on Whitleigh’s arm raise, and his exhales ensued goosebumps where her shoulder met her neck. Her fruity scent tickled his nostrils, and a chill rolled up his spine as the sweet aroma nearly instigated a sneeze. She slowly set free the tension his closeness brought to her bones, and she whimpered as he pushed the loose crotch of his pants into the center of her cheeks.
“…..it’s….it’s fine. Just a little shake of the handle usually…usually takes care of it.” She choked, and heaved a struggling breath. Her head fell weightless to his shoulder, and she white knuckle gripped the counters edge to squeeze out some of the pent-up need.
One of his broad, promiscuous hands pulled on the ribbon of her robe, while the other probed up the back of her thigh, tickling the curve of her round ass with calloused, worked fingers. Whitleigh’s nipples poked from the confines of her t-shirt and Tommy envisioned the pink bulbs wet between his teeth.
“Let me tend to some other things around here that need seein’ to then, hm?” He suckled on her earlobe, the gold bulbs of her earrings clanging gently against his teeth.
Her shutter sent the bathrobe cascading from her arms to topple gracefully around their feet. Once Tommy’s hands got a feeling of her soft skin against his, his hunger became irrepressible. He tugged at her legs, rushing her to climb his body. Their lips crashed into each other, their desire screaming at the introduction. Tommy reached his hands into her hair, massaging into her scalp, and his tongue took note and moved seductively against hers. Her mewls of his name, and the breath tossed from her mouth into his enticed Tommy to furthermore explore her every crevice.
“Quiet, Tommy. We have to be quiet. Cole…”
He nodded, lowering her back to the white, chipped tabletop. Her toes curled as her licked up her leg, leaving imprints of his crooked bite on the fleshly meat of her inner thighs. He pulled away to push up the hem of her shirt, and her eyes peeled shut with reluctancy.
“Woah, woah. Hey, whatsa matter, Whitleigh. Talk to me, babe.” He froze, careful not to further intrude if he had done so.
“Nothing. It’s.. I’m fine. Really. Keep going.” She answered surely, but the reluctancy still hid in her underlying tremble of her voice.
He chewed his lips, and carefully continued to peel back her remaining attire. He pulled loose the fabric, and she raised herself to assist him in the undressing. Her hands coyly slid to cover a scar drawn into the lower of her belly, and Tommy’s eyes followed whatever shame she felt there was to hide. He kissed tenderly on her fingers, and eased back her hands to lay behind her head.
“This what you’re so worried about?” He curiously sketched over the marking.
“I’m sure most women you get with don’t have ugly battle scars from childbirth, Tommy…”
He blinked repeatedly, exaggerating his look of taken aback confusion, and almost offence. His palms leaned flat on the table, carrying his weight as he dangled above her.
“First off, you ain’t just somebody I wanna ‘get with’, Whit. Second, don’t ever be ashamed. This,” he pointed. “This scar gave you that badass little boy in there sleepin’. The one that you’re doin’ a damn good job of raisin’, too. Don’t ever feel like you gotta hide that wit’ me. Okay?”
Whitleigh blushed, and her fitful heartbeats bringing a swell of reassurance over her body. To hear that Tommy hadn’t intended on her being just the bed buddy next door eased her worries. She saw potential in Tommy, and whatever this could turn into with him, as well.
She nodded her head, smiling and sighing a loud release of the worrisome pressure she’d been choking on moments ago. Once the exquisite man gathered she had relaxed once more, he began petting over the soft, feminine curves of her body’s edges. His licked his pouting mouth, and journeyed upward to the round handful of her breasts, leaving his hands to work down below. He moaned, stroking the wet patch that stained the warm center of her panties and Whitleigh nearly jolted from the table when his tongue devoured the sensitive line of her ribcage.
Tommy hooked his fingers into the band of her shorts, cheekily popping the elastic before tugging them down her tanned legs.
“I like these, by the way. They look much sexier on you than me..”
He dropped his own shorts, the clunk of his phone in the pocket hitting the floor, revealing a nearly matching pair of his own boxer briefs. Only his, screaming at the seams trying to trap the large member he was stroking beneath them.
Without so much as a hint of warning, Tommy clutched the backside of her bended knees, and drew her forth toward him. Her feet now weightlessly suspended over the tables edge. Glittering rays of sunlight illuminated through the curtains, catching the speckles of green hiding in the eyes she stared hungrily into. The demanding, heated cosmic pull his body exuded excited Whitleigh more than any desire she had ever known for a man. She withheld a giggle, knowing breakfast every morning seated at this now tarnished kitchen table would never be the same.
Anxious for a quick taste of her pink folds, Tommy kneeled face-to-face with his warm breakfast. Fuck that gritty, bland protein shake he had in the blender at his own house, he thought. Whitleigh was more his flavor. Her hips bucked seductively when the vicious laps of his tongue separated her lips to prime her with another layer of wetness. Delight and orgasm poked her nauseous belly like a prodding finger. She grimaced, but welcomed every nibble of his lips over her blossoming bulb.
“Upstairs, Tommy… let’s go upstairs.” The volume of her needful pants echoed off the hollow ceilings, and she feared their elicit noises would stumble upon the ears of her hopefully sleeping son just down the hall. It took all her mighty efforts to piece together a sentence amongst Tommy’s feasting murmurs smashed between her thighs. The hum, and suckling sounds of him devouring her sopping mound hypnotized her wholly. His touch would be burned there at the most private corner of her body forever.
“I can’t make it that far, Whitleigh baby. I gotta have you. Now. Here, bite down on this to keep quiet.” Tommy tossed her the tee he had discarded, and chuckled. Relishing in the fact that he had her body running on amped speed. She nearly lost all control when he caught a stray trickle of her juices escaping from the side of his mouth with the tip of his thumb, and sucked it dry.
He clung to his thick erection, and lead himself to her steaming entrance, teasing her with slow in and outs. He felt her deep, and so satisfyingly warm squeezes twitch around him, already milking forth his first release with a female in months. He hadn’t really had time for a hookup lately, and thinking about the filth that he typically attracted only made want to down capsize a bottle of narcotics.
The angsty thoughts that had always swam in his mind suddenly fled when he admired Whitleigh’s blissfully reddened cheeks, and rosy, swollen lips gaped open with the sound of his name. She was reeling him in, damning his demons back to the hell they came from, and shocking his soul back to life, and she had no idea.
He gripped her forcefully by the hips to secure a steady rhythm so her breasts would continue that perfectly timed, spellbinding bounce. He didn’t want to split her painfully in two, but the faster he lunged inside her, the more he could feel the rough flickerings of a hard onslaught approaching.
“More. More.” She read his mind with expert timing. “More!”
The legs of her antique table scuffed and creaked against the floor below them, and Whitleigh wondered whether the weathered wood was a match for Tommy Conlon. She knew Cole would be stirring soon, but she needed to feel this way, in this moment with Tommy, for hours before it would ever be enough. He brushed, and touched her lips with his fingers, grazing her cheeks thoughtfully. His face nuzzled the tips of her nipples, and his lashes tickled them to an even higher peak while his two-day old scruff chapped her sensitive skin. Whitleigh wanted to feel the sweat of his hard-work fall from his perspiring brow and leave his scent on her like a dirty secret.
She hinted sparks flying inside her belly, instigating the release ready to reach the surface. Every raw, barely noticeable taste of delicious pain that came with his every lunge kidnapped her further towards the explosion of orgasm. A pulsating vein in Tommy’s neck protruded from his straining, broad neck and she sensed he was holding back his own ending for her sake.
“Tommy, I’m close. Really… really close.” She whispered, nearly biting her own tongue between gnashed teeth.
He closed his eyes, his back now standing straight to give her a hearty, heavenly view of his tattooed pecks, and insultingly large shoulders. His harsh sucks of air, and vice-grip squeezes on the bone of her hips gave her the push she needed to climb the summit. Using the shirt she still held onto, Whitleigh quickly shoved the cotton between her jaws to absorb her curdling screams. Her eyes watered beneath sealed lids, tears dripping from the corners, and Tommy covered his own mouth muffling what was the most beautiful portrayal of climax she had ever had the pleasure of witnessing.
“Now, I already won Cole over, we know. So, what’s that verdict you were talking about earlier, huh?” Tommy suggested.
Hoping not to offend him with her abrupt dismissal, and nixing of post-cuddle, she stole a fast kiss from him as she hopped from the table to dress. He rubbed over her bare backside once more before she stepped into her bottoms, then shooed her down the hall, understanding the importance of her motherly duties. He speedily decked himself in his own shed clothes, and placed the kitchen back to it’s original tidy state before the observant young boy came for his breakfast.
Whitleigh came leisurely down the hall moments later, holding the hand of a slightly disorientated blonde boy who smiled ear-to-ear once realizing his new best friend Tommy was seated at his kitchen table. He climbed into the empty chair next to Tommy where his booster seat waited, eager to chat all about the things they had seen while on their morning stroll. Whitleigh stirred the batter of chocolate chip pancakes near the stove, stealing smiley glances at Tommy when Cole was caught up in one of his stories.
As Tommy watched the wild-eyed kid stutter and sling his busy hands throughout the air, pretending his fork was a spaceship. All the while also falling in love with the big-hearted, slightly bashful, head-spinningly beautiful woman across the room. He had never known true family in his entire life. But silently observing the lazy comfort he felt of that Saturday morning with Cole, and Whitleigh, he decided it was worth the wait.
TAGS: @eap1935 @torialeysha
#tomhardy#tommy conlon#tom hardy fanfiction#tommy conlon fanfic#tommy conlon imagine#Tom Hardy#tommy riordan#warriorfanfic#warriorfanfiction#tomhardyfanfic
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Insomnia- Minsung//CHAPTER 2
Pairing: Minho x Jisung (some sort of Changlix)
Stuffz to know: Fluff, angst, mention of sexual activity, family problems, and last but not least my bad humor
Summary: It’s not Jisung’s fought that a little somebody deiced to come back in town. It is his fault for the events that will happen this summer though.
I can’t sleep
So tell me
I stay awake again tonight
Maybe tomorrow night, too
So tell me now, I’ll find a way
Tomorrow night too, there is no other way
I can’t sleep
————————————————–
People already are lined up waiting for the park to open, the line gotten bigger from just an hour. On the inside of the park the owner gave everyone working a greeting and a little bit of an lecture.
“Minutes from now the park will open and I’m hoping that everyone will be on their best behaviors.”
“Don’t just look at us, they are the kids here!” Jackson exclaimed and Bam whined too, “We worked here longer. We know what we doing man.” They’re are a hand full of those who basically graduated from this program that still work here. There’s Jae, Bam, Jackson, Jinyoung, Younghyun, Mark, Momo, and Sana. Jisung plans to stay too. The college life is not suitable for him, he barely graduated high school. The park did finally open and the line outside gathered about to the inside. All the workers were at their respective areas before people came inside. Eight hours from now the park will close and everyone will go back to their rooms, just to be bored. Even if the park was packed the time went by slow. Maybe it was because the weather was unbelievable that even the ones in the coldest of water complained. Chan and Woojin stayed cool in the office of the ticket booth, lucky is what the others call them. Almost the whole park can hear Jeongin from the highest slide complain about the heat. Jisung didn’t mind it at all. He lives for the heat. Of course he knows it’s crazy that he would rather stay baking in the sun instead of standing knee level in the pool like Minho. The heat for him is almost.......comforting?
“You look like a fish on a grill.” A soft voice got Jisung to sit up from the lifeguards’ tower. Sana plopped her chin down on the arm chair to look at him with a little smile.
“I’ll bake like one too.” Sana is nice. Actually the first person to say hi to Jisung and the other boys when they first got here, she was entering her jr year.
“So he’s back this time?”
“Yea...so he says.”
“Shouldn’t you be happier? With a skip in your step? Last year you cried because he didn’t show up at all.”
“I didn’t cry! I didn’t give a shit.”
“I still don’t understand how you two are so close.”
“Me and Minho? Close? Ha."
“What the hell did he do to you that you basically want him dead?”
“When you put it that way you make it sound like I hate him.”
“I have good reasons to...” She murmured under her breathe and rolled her eyes at Jisung.
“I don’t hate him.” Jisung looked in the direction of Minho, “I just don’t want him in the same room as me.”
“Wonder why?”
————————————————–
“Alright kid, go!” Jeongin yelled to the next kid waiting his turn to go down the slide.
“He looked like he could be your older brother.” Felix whispered to Jeongin as that said kid pushed himself down the slide.
“Go eat your freckles.”
“So he can get more?” Changbin cheered as he walked behind them and roughened up Jeongin’s hair, “Now you’re using your head.”
“You like my freckles?” Felix shyly hit Changbin’s arm and he nodded almost instantly with joy, “I would be a fool not to!”
“I’m gonna vomit on the both of you.” No one really understands Changbin and Felix’s relationship, not even the two. They share glances, flirts, skin ship around the others, and go to the other in the need of relief on some daring nights. The conversation of becoming serious never really happened even if they want it to. Chan and Woojin, being the good observers they are, would call the two cluelessly in love.
“You still never told me why Minho left sophomore year.”
“You were gonna tell him and not me? The disrespect, Changbin.” Jeongin exclaimed into the conversation the other two were about to have.
“I had to tell my favorite first.”
“Well tell me!”
“Apparently he had a sexual identity crisis or is still having one? I don’t really know, he wasn’t so detailed in how he said it.”
“Good on him!”
“So that means he had so much sex during the time he never saw him. Damn.”
“Doesn’t have to mean that at all.”
“How else would he know if he likes the dick or vagina and might fuck around for both?”
“He got you there.”
“Don’t side with him, Binnie!”
————————————————–
Jisung laid out in the tower’s chair long enough to fall asleep since it’s the only time he’ll be able to. All was well until Minho splashed water in his face to tell him to get up for his scheduled break.
“No splashing, asshole.” Jisung stood up from his chair and wiped his face with the end of his shirt. A little skin showed that Minho stared for only seconds and of course Jisung didn’t see.
“Couldn’t use my sweet charm to wake you or I would’ve gotten another punch to the face like this morning. How else should I wake you up?”
“Don’t.”
“That’s no fun.” Jisung rolled his eyes as he walked past and Minho followed right behind him. They both sat at the snack bar controlled by Seungmin and Hyunjin.
“At least my name isn’t a generic one!”
“There were like ten jays in our graduating class!”
“All spelled with an y but not mine because I’m different and better.”
“His name isn’t even Brian.” Seungmin handed them both water bottles and Jae tsked, “You won’t get it.”
“The last time I checked Seungmin doesn’t get anything.” Minho grinned and Seungmin forced a smile back, “Shut up.” Hyunjin gave Jisung’s usual of an ice tea with a lemon and tossed Minho a water bottle. The summer wasn’t suppose to turn out like this. Jisung wasn’t ready for this sudden change, isn’t. Maybe he really does hate Minho? Or maybe it’s something else? Let’s look at some signs. When Minho talks Jisung can’t help but listen even if he makes it look like he isn’t, he hates that. Jisung accidentally used Minho’s shoulder as a pillow the other day during the Mario Kart session and Minho didn’t mind it, he hated that. It has to be when Minho smiles at him and he gets all warm on the inside because he loves that. Oh shit. Fuck it’s something else!
“What are you plotting in your head over there?” Jisung jumped at the question and looked up at Hyunjin sighing, “Nothing important.” It just has to be something else and not that I hate his fucking guts instead. Dumb stupid brain!
“At least he knows that his opinion is invalid.” Minho shrugged his shoulders to Hyunjin.
“I’m gonna wring your fucking neck in.”
“Oh you won’t do anything you big baby! You could punch me in the face for real and I’ll feel nothing.” Jisung cocked an eyebrow at him and punched him dead in the nose. Minho groaned at the sudden pain and Hyunjin sighed, “I’ll get the ice.” Jisung looked at Minho with a blank stare and walked away.
“You good, Minho?” Hyunjin handed him an ice pack and nodded.
“Did he really have to hit me?” He whined as the ice pack made his nose burn with the contact.
“To be fair your face is punch able- I mean you tempted him and Jisung never bluffs.”
“Maybe I should only bother him in the morning. That punch he gave me in the morning felt like nothing!”
“Or you could just not bother him?”
“Don’t ruin my fun, Hyunjin.” Minho tsked and Hyunjin put his hands up in defense. In the meantime, instead of dealing with the situation he caused Jisung hid away in a changing room until closing time.
————————————————–
The boys laid down in the living room bored out of their minds. Since some of them didn’t have a shift in the morning they got to stay inside. The lucky four stayed inside, played some games, and even cleaned the place up a little bit. Mostly Chan and Woojin did.
“What should we eat tonight?”
“Ramen?” Chan shrugged his shoulders at Woojin and the other whined, “We had that last night.”
“Then cook something.”
“My cooking is bad.”
“Okay, I’ll do it.”
“Your cooking is even worst.” Woojin said the final blow and Chan clicked his tongue then dialed a pizza place. Seungmin giggled at the two as Woojin grinned happily at Chan.
“It will be here in 20.”
“What will?” Minho walked in the room after just taking a shower and sat down on the couch across from them.
“Pizza!” Seungmin cheered and Jeongin cheered along with him,“Finally some good fucking food!”
“Where did the other four go?”
“Chan complained about there being no dishes so they went to IKEA.”
“Fuck off, Jeongin. I only said there is a lack of silverware and they were going to IKEA anyway.”
“For what?”
“Changbin wanted frozen yogurt.” Minutes later they came back from the store just in time for there to still be pizza left over. Felix and Hyunjin fought over a slice, Changbin pushed them out the way for two more slices. Everyone hung out on the couch watching some really bad TV while some commented on it or they talked about what happened at work. Jisung stayed in the kitchen part, he didn’t bother trying to communicate with others today. It’s been a total of two days since he punched Minho in the face. Minho still continues to wake him up even if he’s sleeping, ‘If I’m up you must be too.’ The thing about that is Jisung is always up in the middle of the night as the others get a goodnight's sleep. He doesn’t know why he does it. It’s always been this way since he was little, he got it from his grandfather. Just a couple of months ago his grandfather died from insomnia and yes you can say that Jisung is slowly going down that path too. The others don’t know anything about it except for Woojin and it’s better that way. They shouldn’t have to worry about it too.
“Did you get any sleep last night?” Woojin always asks him whenever the others are distracted so they don’t overhear the conversation. Jisung appreciates that.
"Kind of....like 3 or more hours."
"It wasn't cause of a nightmare this time, right?"
"Yea.....just couldn't sleep."
“You know I’m always ready to stay up with you so you’re not alone.”
“I know but it’s okay.” Jisung smiled at him and Woojin shared one back after patting him on the back. Woojin went back to the others and Jisung stayed in the kitchen. Maybe I’ll get some sleep this week? It only started.... He can only hope. 3 hours of sleep can only be enough to get him through the day until he falls asleep in the middle of doing something. He once had his doctors prescribe him some sleeping medication. It’s not a big deal........really. Some people won’t get it. Some people don’t get it even after it is explained to them by multiple of people. Jisung has had too many experiences with that and they all ended bad. Excuse him if he doesn’t to go through that.......pain again.
#stray kids#stray kids kpop#stray kids hyunjin#stray kids felix#stray kids changbin#stray kids minho#stray kids minsung#stray kids lee know#stray kids jisung#stray kids han#got7 mark#got7 jackson#got7 bambam#got7 jinyoung#twice sana#twice momo#twice samo#day6 jae#day6 younghyun#stray kids jeongin#stray kids seungmin#stray kids woojin#stray kids woochan#stray kids chan#stray kids changlix
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An Epilogue, and a Prelude
Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts, abuse, depression.
The past few months have been a complete whirlwind, and I have to find space and time where everything isn’t upside down in order to write this blog post. Even when I do, it seems like writing a dissertation: I don’t know where to start. In this case, the next best thing is to start from the middle. It’s a bit of a wonky story anyway.
June 2018: My room is in boxes. It seems as though my whole life, my past, my home, my beginnings are in boxes. I have a strange relationship with Dubai, but I cannot deny that it is my fundamental vessel of knowing the world.
For the past few months, we’ve known this shift was coming, but we had no real idea where our destination was. Now, any mention of the Kingdom of Bahrain and our ears perk up. My sister’s first reaction is excitement: “we’re going to live in an actual kingdom??”
I smirk and explain to her that this makes her a commoner, and it’s nothing grand. She sticks her tongue out at me.
July 2018: The party is wonderful. Kuki’s (my sister) friends come over in the morning, and I have the pleasure of being the cool Older Sister in College. I give them counsel on movie choices and photo editing apps. This giggling bunch of 13 year olds turn our sitting room into a cave of popcorn bits and hilarious stories about that boy in their math tuition (he puts so much gel in his hair, it looks like a wall!!). Cue more giggles. I can’t help but smile to myself and wonder what I was like at this age. Probably just as full of wonder as they are.
My friends show up in the evening. I have written them letters. Everything feels so final. The internet is powerful, I think, but I don’t know if Snapchat streaks will keep our bonds going. With the last six months of my life being so psychologically draining, I have my doubts about all the relationships I’ve ever held close. These school friends are no exception, but once faced with the circumstance of having to let go of my proximity with them - all the memories come flooding back. Evenings spent ogling at boys on the football field, paintings made in the art room in utter silence, knowing stares across the classroom when an opportunity for an inside joke presented itself. Chits passed in class. Carefully curated lists of songs scribbled onto notebook paper for someone who was going through a tough time. Dreams of mansions and multiple dogs and endless sleepovers. Comparing hands after class to see whose fingers were the most stained by all that blue ink.
And all of it to culminate in this. Dinner cooked by my mother, Rick and Morty on TV, and a bunch of flashbacks. One of us is here in a suit: he comes straight here after work. Some of us (almost) lawyers, scientists, designers, programmers, bankers. All of us crazy and known to each other since before we could spell.
We sit on this couch one last time, and cut cake. The party is over, and the house is quiet again.
April 2018: Every bone in my body is pushing me to fling my frail self off the sixth floor. I can’t do this anymore. I cannot be this burden on everyone I love. I have reduced myself to a cavity in a wallet, and convinced myself that I am nothing more. My eyes never leave the floor anymore. I can recognise everyone in college by their shoes, so I know who is going to stop to say hi, and who will push into me like I was never there. Since February, I have barely shown up to my commitments - social, academic, or professional. Nobody has noticed. I spend all day in bed, imagining murals on my dorm room ceiling. This is a slow death I would not wish on anyone. I don’t remember the last time I’ve talked to somebody and they’ve said anything that resonates. Resonating implies feeling. I’ve lost that ability.
It’s an artifical state of being. Even leaves quiver in the wind. Flowers bloom. The stomach of a tiger rumbles. A bear snores in the winter. A mosquito bites. Me, I am a corpse. I do not hear the sound of my own heartbeat. I still have the freedom to cry, to know pain, to abuse myself constantly. I still have the ability to call myself a slut, a liability, a dunce, a fool. This much of myself I retain. All else is lost to the winter winds. And still, all I can think about is how much worse off my parents must be. They’re the ones hit by one man’s decision to liquidate an empire. They’re the ones who have to pay the bills: their own and mine. So I go for job interviews, knowing I will get it and decline, because I have committed myself to watching the murals on the ceiling.
And so one day, all the feelings I have reserved since New Year’s Day erupt in me. My body is quietly convulsing on the floor of my modestly-sized dormitory and I am possessed by Death itself. I imagine it is much like purging. Kind of like I’m forcefully sticking two fingers down my throat so that my gag reflex could somehow choke up my soul and leave me be. Even the One Thought I always use to knock sense into myself in these kinds of situations does not work. I tell myself: your sister. she will never forgive you. how will you forgive yourself if you leave her?
and then, Death speaks, in a raspy, alarming voice: she is old enough. she will be fine. get on with it.
This sends alarm bells to all corners of my brain, and I somehow drag myself out of the room (consciously avoiding looking down) and then knock feebly on the next door. A familiar face opens it: a batchmate I don’t talk to very often. At that point, I must have looked like a sputtering pressure cooker in a kaftan at that point. All tears, unwashed hair and runny nose, I don’t remember much of what happened next but she and her friend took care of me well enough for me to mutter something about sadness and then black out.
The next day, I am invited to dinner with The Girl Who Opened The Door and her father, along with some of her friends. I am unsure. My first reaction is to be embarrassed of my pouring out into her the previous night.
At dinner, I feel safe. After a long time, the presence of an adult who knows what he is doing - a parental adult - comforts me like nothing could. I shake her father’s hand, and my palm goes limp from the exhaustion of last night’s episode. We go to The French Window, and order lavishly. I haven’t seen this much food in a while. I eat until the table is clean and still, I am hungry. I have never felt so tired in my life.
May 2018: In the six months before I turn 19, I have been hit hard in the face with reality, crumbled from a throne I did not know was made of matchsticks, been nearly assaulted twice, and found love in a place I did not know I needed to look in. Things are still tough, but now I have sisters to lighten the load. They are taking me out to dinner on the eve of my birthday. As it seems, our friendship revolves around dinners and doors. The three of us sit down, chat, and toast to us. I still cannot be grateful enough for the strange synchronicity of our lives. They did not have to pick me up out of darkness, dust the dirt off my shoulders, and pretty much carry me until my legs gained feeling again. But they did. They still do.
late August 2018: I wake up at 6:00 AM. I cannot sleep for longer, no matter what time I sleep. My father video calls me, and gives me a tour of the new apartment. I drink my post-work-out tea and smile at the emptiness of it. It’s so much space. So many ways to start over.
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