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chaoticpuff17 · 3 years

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When the Chips Are Down

part 1

masterlist

Hello, my darlings. I feel so bad. I haven’t been updating, so I decided to do something that will likely make you all come for my head since this really won’t be updated for a good while. But for now, it’s all I’ve got for ya, but I do have a chapter of SW over half way done, but for now enjoy the first chapter of ADG’s sequel even if the rest won’t be coming for a while.--- chaotic puff

The ride to the airfield was nothing if not awkward. Namjoon sat on his side of the car and Y/N on the other. Namjoon was trying to reign in his temper, and Y/N simply didn’t want to talk. There were so many thoughts bouncing around her head, so many things they needed to talk about. She didn’t want to though. She wanted to pretend that he’d never come at all. She wanted to go back to her little cottage with Mark. She wanted him to hold her and talk to the baby like he always did, but that wasn’t an option anymore, not with Namjoon back in the picture.

��Where are we going?” She asked after a while. The tense silence was killing her.

“The airport at Pisa. I have a private jet waiting there to take us back to Seoul.”

“I can’t fly. I’m in my third trimester.” She murmured wincing as the baby sent a particularly hard kick to her stomach immediately catching Namjoon’s notice.

“Are you alright, jagi?” He asked moving to her side in a flash, hovering over her eyes darting over her worriedly looking for signs of distress.

“I’m fine.” She groaned pressing a hand to her belly. “The baby’s kicking.”

His face immediately lit up with a smile as he pressed his hand to her belly waiting intently for another kick. None came though. He looked back up at her disappointed, and she sighed moving his hand to press against different spot on her belly one where he was more likely to feel something.

“Give him a second. Little pest loves pummeling my insides.” She grumbled sinking back into the seat.

Just then the baby sent another kick landing it just under where Namjoon’s hand was pressed. He jumped at the odd sensation turning his awed gaze on her before looking back down at her belly in wonder. “Does it hurt?” He asked voice barely above a whisper.

“When he kicks like that? Yes.”

“It’s a boy?” He asked excitedly already imagining a little boy with her eyes and his dimples, a little heir for his empire.

“I don’t know actually.” She mused looking down at her bump fondly. “I never found out.”

“Jin can tell us later.” He grinned turning his attention back to her belly rubbing soft circles across its surface. “All that matters is that you and the baby are healthy.”

“I still can’t fly.” She reminded him. “It’s not good for the baby.” There was a hope, however small, that if she could stall him, then she could slip away.

He smiled at her fondly. “I have Jin waiting at the jet. He’ll monitor you throughout the flight.”

“Oh,” She breathed disappointed by the development, but of course he had thought of everything. He was always a step ahead no matter how hard she tried.

The ride was not long. It less than a two hour drive to Pisa, and as promised Jin was waiting on the plane for them. He smiled at her and settled her into one of the cushy seats.

“Can you lift up your dress for me, sweet girl? I can pull out the pajamas too if you’d prefer. They may be more comfortable for the long flight.” He asked.

“The pajamas please.” She nodded tiredly, and Jin happily went to fetch them for her, ushering her up and into a small bedroom at the back of the plane where she was able to change in peace.

Jin helped her back to her seat when she emerged in a pair of silky pajamas and slippers. He had been right. It was going to be much more comfortable for the flight, and if she could avoid Namjoon by sleeping for most of the flight, she would.

“I’m going to attach a fetal monitor to your belly so we can keep an eye on the belly. I have a labor and delivery nurse on the flight as well to help keep an eye on mom and baby.” He grinned gently pressing the little stickers onto her belly as he addressed both her and Namjoon who was hovering nearby. “It’s good to see you, Y/N. How far along are you now?”

“Thirty-four weeks.”

“Not long till the little one arrives then.” He nodded giving her one last smile and moving away to sit elsewhere as Namjoon settled in next to her for the long flight, taking one of her hands in his frowning at the simple gold wedding band that rested there.

Namjoon slipped it off with a frown pocketing the ring before bringing out the one she had left behind all those months ago with all its glitz and glory.

“I’d prefer if you wore your ring, jagi, and not some trinket from that pest.” He sighed slipping it on her finger. “You’ve cut your hair.” He noted equally displeased by the drastic change in length as he was with the ring he had just confiscated.

“It’s easier to hide when you don’t look the same as when you ran.” She huffed brushing a stray lock behind her ear, though it slipped out again shortly after. It was a major disadvantage to the shaggy pixie cut she now sported. She couldn’t tie her hair up, and she couldn’t get it to stay behind her ear either. She didn’t have any headbands on the flight to keep it out of her face either. Those were all back at the cottage.

“I don’t like it.” He grumbled. “I liked your hair before. Oh well. It’ll grow.”

“You have no say over how I wear my hair.” She snapped snatching her hand back.

His grin was sharp and wolf like as he stared her down. “I think you’ll find I have a say over a great many things, jagi. You’ve caused so much trouble. I can’t have you putting yourself or the baby in danger any longer. You’ll behave or you’ll find yourself in much more trouble than you’re already in.” He warned before turning his attention back towards her belly. “Is the baby still kicking?”

“He’s always kicking.”

She flinched as Namjoon laid a hand back over her belly again leaning down to whisper to her bump. “You have to be nice to your eomma. She needs her strength to make sure you’re healthy.”

Namjoon had missed her more than he liked to admit, but seeing her heavy with his child filled him with pride. He only wished that he could have been there for the entirety of the pregnancy. He wanted to be there for it all, the morning sickness, the cravings, the doctor’s appointments. He wanted to be there to watch her belly grow, but that had all been taken away from him. He would be there for the next one though. He was going to fill their home with children.

Yoongi already had a son. Jin was working on getting Hayan healthy enough to support a pregnancy. The younger boys were also beginning to express interest in starting families of their own. Taehyung was even beginning to talk about ending his seemingly never ending game of cat and mouse with his ‘little bird’, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Hoseok was already planning a family with Iyla.

Iyla. That was another variable he would have to deal with. Y/N didn’t yet know that her dear younger sister was in his hands, or more accurately, Hoseok’s hands. That was a surprise he was going to leave for when they arrived home, and Y/N was well rested from the journey. She had been right when she’d warned him that flying was dangerous for her at this point in the pregnancy. It was why he had Jin and two labor and delivery nurses on the flight. He was taking every precaution to make sure that both she and the baby would be safe. He’d never forgive himself if something happened to either of them.

Y/N was extremely uncomfortable with Namjoon’s show of affection and his interest in her belly, but she allowed it, too tired to really fight back for the moment as well as knowing better than to push him too far at the moment.

“He or she will be out soon enough.” She sighed moving his hand off her belly and curling up in her seat. “I can deal with a few kicks to the kidneys until then.”

Namjoon sighed before moving up the seat divider and pulling her into his arms resting both of his hands on top of her belly. “Don’t push me away. I’ve missed so much of our child’s life. Let me have this.”

“We can’t sit like this for takeoff.” She reminded him beginning to pry his arms away again.

“Just let me hold you till then.” He pouted placing a soft kiss on the juncture between her neck and shoulder. “I’ve missed you, jagi.” He murmured placing another kiss further up her neck.

“Please don’t.” She sighed squirming in his arms.

“I haven’t held you in months, jagi.” He released a sigh of his own letting her go so she could settle back in her own seat as the flight attendants readied them for takeoff.

As the plane took off climbing higher into the sky, her heart sunk further and further. She didn’t want to leave Italy behind. She didn’t want to leave Mark behind, but she didn’t have a choice. Even if it wasn’t for the baby, she wouldn’t have had much of a choice. Namjoon was a sneaky bastard, and he always seemed to be a ten steps ahead of her. She had been lucky to have so much time away from him, but all good things come to an end eventually.

She knew there wasn’t much hope for her, not anymore, but maybe there was a chance for Mark. Namjoon was a sadistic bastard, and Mark had had the audacity to take her away from him. It wasn’t something that Namjoon was going to treat lightly. Death would not come swiftly for Mark, but perhaps that would be his saving grace. The longer Namjoon waited to get rid of Mark, the better chance there was of Mark finding a way to escape. The man was a veritable magician. She was constantly amazed at his ability to get in and out of sticky situations. If there was anyone that could slip away from Namjoon, it was Mark.

“What’s going to happen?” She asked softly once the seat belt warning had been lifted and Namjoon had reverted to holding her in his arms absent mindedly rubbing senseless patterns into her belly.

“What do you mean, jagi?” He hummed smiling as he felt the baby kick lightly against one of his hands.

“What’s going to happen when we get back to Korea?”

His arms tightened around her slightly. “We’re going to go home, jagi. You’re going to need lots of rest with your due date so soon.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” She grumbled pushing back slightly as she struggled to get comfortable. She was finding it harder and harder to be comfortable as her due date approached, and Namjoon’s proximity wasn’t helping.

Her discomfort was clear, and it wasn’t something Namjoon could allow. He needed her calm and rested for the flight, for the next few weeks really. “Jin!” He called bringing the doctor running. “Can we move Y/N to the bedroom? I think she’d be more comfortable lying down.”

Jin nodded with a smile helping Namjoon to move the heavily pregnant woman and the monitors to the back of the plane, getting them all settled before leaving the couple to their privacy.

Namjoon was careful to get her settled with pillows piled up at the headboard for them to lie against. He had her nestled against him despite her grumbling, but he knew despite her grumpy attitude, the new position was far more comfortable for her, and it gave her more room to adjust herself than the chairs in the front did.

“You never answered my question.” She reminded him with a sigh.

“You mean your punishment for leaving me? For taking our child and running off with that pest?” She nodded stiffly, waiting for his answer. “For the sake of the baby, I’m willing to overlook your little moment of insanity, but it all depends on how well you, jagi. I can be very forgiving, or I can make life very hard. I’d prefer to be forgiving though. We should be focusing on our baby after all.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to keep your promise.” He chuckled. “I want you to be a good wife and mother. No more running. No more hiding.”

“And all is forgiven? Just like that?”

She couldn’t believe that. Namjoon was not a forgiving man. He was a shark. He would never forget, and he’d take into account every variable to keep her firmly in her grasp this time. She had one shot, one real shot, and she had used it already. Namjoon wasn’t likely to let her slip away again, especially not with a child in the mix.

“Not just like that, but it’s a start.” He leaned in nudging his nose against the spot just below her ear. “And after all, doesn’t our baby deserve the best start we can give them?”

“And you’re the best thing for this child?” She scoffed squirming in his arms again.

“I know I am. And what other choice do you have?” He chuckled nipping lightly at her ear. “You’re never leaving me again.”

part 2

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aboardthehavocmarauder · 3 years

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Beautiful Mischief [Pt. 7]

Bad Batch x Reader • Angst/Fluff/NSFW (yknow the whole deal) • Mechanic [hidden Jedi] ! Reader • Female reader

Y/N sat alone in a clear field holding her knees close to her chest as she turns to see Obi Wan standing at a distance.

“Will I find something disappointing?”

“Painful”

•

“She can wake up at her own pace. She’ll be safe here. She said it herself. You can still take on hunts if you need to” Reylen reassures adjusting the lines for her IV and monitors so they wouldn’t be in the way. “Y/N always bounces back”

Y/N lays lifeless and pale as her chest slowly rises and falls. Hunter frowns running his index against her cold skin seeing the shift, flooding him with relief.

“We need the credits”

“You’re serious? Leaving her here”

“I trust her” Hunter turns to Reylen before back to his brothers. “And we should trust Y/N. She did lay her life down for us and we did the same. Her payment can be her recovery as we continue for ours.”

“Do you need—-“

“Don’t try to sit out Echo. We need all of us together, and watch each other’s backs so we can return safely” Hunter states stepping out of the room.

——

“You’re trusting me with this?”

“I need one to protect myself. And you have the skills to wield it. Protect yourself and your brothers while I’m out of commission”

“Y/N—“

“I’ll bounce back Hunt. Have faith in the force”

——

Six months later

Reylen stood in the empty field staring at Y/N laying in the grass from afar.

“NER VOD” my sister.

Y/N quickly shot up when the training droids did blocking most shots with the beskar arm bands running toward the forest and using the trees as her running ground getting higher and higher blocking every shot. Before eventually shooting her body out into the open feeling the wind course around her as she flips back feeling the wind in her hair reaching out feeling her lightsaber reach her. Gripping tightly, igniting it fast, she sliced into the tree sliding down before shooting through and cutting three of the training droids using the falling pieces as stepping stones in the air.

“Ke'pare!”

Wait!

As Reylen sprints through meeting Y/N as she stuck the landing quickly but didn’t feel the shot from the still standing training droid. She quickly took out a rag from her utility belt and applied it to Y/N’s upper arm.

“Sorry”

“No. Shit. You don’t have to apologize. I’m surprised you didn’t feel that” Reylen frowns tying it quickly and taking Y/N’s face into her hands. “What’s on your mind, vod?”

“I...”

“Tion'ad hukaat'kama?” Who’s watching your back? Reylen frowns as Y/N removed her hands off her face taking a hold of them in hers. “Y/N?”

“...I’m forgotten. Just like the council. I’ve been erased” Y/N pulls away taking her saber attaching it to her side before stepping into the bunker and seeing what she can do.

Cuy’val Dar

Those who no longer exist

When the night falls on the forest moon of Endor, Y/N held her saber to her chest taking in the night igniting it. She flows with the wind taking in each heated slash in the air to memory feeling a pain build in her chest. As she turns off the glowing gold, another light appears in the distance causing her to stand alert.

“Cyar’ika”

Y/N frowns relaxing when she locked eyes with an injured Hunter. She dropped her guard and quickly ran over taking him into her arms finding all of them hurt behind him.

They were hunted down. Their ship crashed on the moon planet but for obvious reasons, took them a while to find them.

“None of them have major injuries. They should be fine” Reylen reassures as Y/N ran her hand through Hunter’s hair while they were all too tired to keep awake. “They will be fine”

“Six months”

“What?”

“They were without me for six months”

“Y/N. This most likely would’ve still happened and you would’ve gotten hurt as well”

“Yes. But the damage would’ve been minimal”

“Y/N—-“

“You try falling for theses five and watching them kill themselves individuality because of your own actions. If Obi Wan finds nothing, they would’ve left for nothing”

“Leaving the republic was their decision. You didn’t influence it”

“But I did” Y/N frowns removing her hand from him. “I only do bring pain now don’t I?”

“No” Reylen frowns. “You do not. Why would you say that? Your past was unpredictable. You went through a lot. They went through a lot. Both individuality and then together. That’s how love works. As sick as it is to suffer. Together makes everything hurt much less”

“But I wasn’t there for any of them” Y/N frowns feeling the pain in her head return making her leave the medical suite as Reylen sighs sitting beside Tech’s bed and taking his datapad for a second.

Entry 235

I didn’t want to leave her. None of us did. We were following Hunter’s orders...as he was following hers. I’m used to waking up around 0300 hours to record her nightmares. She told me her droid did it for her and she’d wake up on her own, but when I suggested that I’d do it. She’d let me sleep with her afterward instead of staying up for the rest of the night. It helped her. And it helped me. Now I’m simply awake that early and can’t find a reason to go back to sleep.

Entry 268

Crosshair almost hit a child. Again. Y/N would be so infuriated if she saw that happen. But not to excuse his behavior, the kid deserved it. Being told information about us that only tears one of us down without their knowledge, we all would’ve done something about it. Just. Not to a child.

Entry 301

Planning route to come back is difficult when the Havoc had undergone a lot of damage. Really could use our Y/N. I. Mechanic. I meant mechanic. Ugh.

Reylen sets his datapad back down before getting up to go after Y/N.

But once reaching the surface, Y/N had forced the Havoc Marauder over to the base. Reylen immediately opened the hatch to enter the underground hanger to help her.

“So you’re going to work on all of this?”

“I have your team of droids. They’ll help me. But yes”

“I read Tech’s data entries. They would’ve been here sooner if the Marauder wasn’t badly damaged”

Y/N gripped onto her shirt taking a deep breath before removing their cloak and getting to work.

Sometimes

Old habits never die

Echo was first to wake out of the five as he felt more exhausted even after the hit they took. He sat up on the bed seeing his brothers comfortably in their own and Reylen propped up at her desk asleep. He got up slowly keeping in mind of his injuries as he took his blanket and covered Reylen on his way out in search of Y/N.

Y/N continued to work on the Marauder before being pulled out from under thinking it was a droid.

“You fucking tin can I’m in the middle—“ She stopped talking when she locked eyes with Echo who had his anxiety written all over him. “Oh Echo...”

“Cyar’ika...” He frowns as Y/N urgently took him into her embrace feeling him grip onto her back slotting himself in her grasp. “I thought we...we weren’t going to make it in time”

“It’s okay Echo, you’re here now. I’m here”

“You are...fuck” He held onto her not letting ago any time soon...

Not like she wanted to

A few days went by and the batch was back on their feet and doing their recovery in Reylen’s home away from home. As long as Y/N stays around a little while longer, the batch is just as much her family as Y/N.

“OI. Fuck off”

“I need to check your injuries and make sure everything is clean. Please be patient or I’ll tase you” Reylen threats Cross as Y/N came in to get herself a bandage when she saw him not cooperating.

“Rey, I’ve got this one”

“Fucking—-Thank god” Reylen got up grabbing her datapad to go get orders shipped out and received.

Y/N pushes the stool over to Crosshair taking a seat.

“Doll face—“

“She has more medical training than I do. Can’t you listen to her every now and then?”

“Hey I don’t trust many people”

“Hmm. If you can trust me, you can trust her. She doesn’t have as big of a record than I do”

“Maybe that’s why I trust you, doll face” Crosshair gently caresses Y/N’s face watching her ease into such.

“Cross. If it gets infected, I will kill you” Y/N smiles making him laugh before sighing.

“Fine. I’ll let her look”

“No she has other plans. She is a busy woman. I’ll take care of it” Y/N laughs pulling away and getting the bandages including a stim pack.

Crosshair got up to follow her and before she could even react, he took her face into his hands and pressed his lips against hers. Y/N froze for a second, setting the stim down on the table before them grabbing at his blacks and pulling him close.

He’s wanted this for a while now

I knew she felt the same way

Taglist:

@xxeiraxx @fennign @meli-that-girl @Spp2011

#the bad batch #bad batch #the bad batch x reader #bad batch x reader #crosshair bad batch #wrecker bad batch #echo bad batch #hunter bad batch #tech bad batch #aboardthehavocmarauder

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buckysgoldenheart · 4 years

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Unexpectedly Bitten

Vampire!Henry Cavill x Reader

Summary: Your ex gets into some trouble with Vampires, and his mistakes lead the bloodsuckers back to you. After seeing you, one vampire gets a little attached and he’s taking his time deciding what he plans to do with you, but whatever it is, you’re not afraid. In fact, you might just be a little attached to him too.

Warnings: cursing, smut, violence. (Count on spelling mistakes or repeating words too often. it’s very likely.)

Notes: Folks I did my very very best. I am so bad at chaptered fics, it’s insane. But I tried. As always, Let me emphasize this: there is little rhyme or reason to the way this story is broken into parts.

This is a Vampire!Henry x Reader story where each chapter, while chronological, is a different conversation or event during the course of their evolving relationship.

Words: 1606

Part 7: Change

You were breathing. That’s what Henry kept repeating in his head when he relived that horrible night in his sleep. His body would shoot out of bed, drenched in sweat, and he would have the agonizing thought that he failed. But then he would look to his left, and there you were. You were breathing.

His days were filled with watching you to constantly reassure himself that he hadn’t lost you forever. Every time your breath hitched in your sleep, his did as well. Every time he nearly dozed off in his chair, he shook himself awake for fear that the change hadn’t fully taken hold; that maybe he was too late after all.

“She doing any better?” Henry nearly leapt from his seat at Chris’s voice. His friend walked over after shutting the door quietly behind him.

Henry ran a hand down his face. He needed to relax. He was getting jumpy. “Shouldn’t be much longer.”

Chris pulled another chair up to Henry’s side and joined in monitoring the rise and fall of your chest. “Are you alright? It’s been a while.”

“This is my fault,” Henry rubbed at his brow with a groan. “I cut it too close. It’s taking too long for her to heal.”

“Do not hate yourself for this, Hen,” Chris said, lightly slapping his friend on the back. “She’s alright. I would’ve done the same if I still had a pretty little human I was so desperately in love with.”

“She’s not human anymore.”

“You didn’t have a choice.”

Henry shook his head, denying his friend’s answer to feel the full weight of disappointment in himself. “Elias seemed to think the same, but…not from the same perspective.” He took a deep breath as he remembered the look in the Lord’s eyes right before he broke your neck. There was pity there; acknowledgment of a loss he knew Henry would not get over for centuries, if at all. “He didn’t think I would turn her. He left her body there, knowing I could turn her before it was too late, but he was so sure I wouldn’t. Why, do you think?”

“Henry,” Chris whined with irritation. “Don’t start—”

“Because we don’t subject the ones we love to this life,” Henry said as he stared at you, then he looked to Chris. “You never turned Amara. You loved her as a human until she died because you knew she would be miserable if she were like us.”

Chris swallowed the pain; the discomfort in his gut at the reminder of the woman he would’ve crushed mountains into rubble for. “I agree, this is not an ideal life, but…take it from me. When you’re in love with a human, there is nothing more painful than seeing them age without you.” The blond cleared his throat, and his voice shook slightly as he continued. “I couldn’t give Amara a normal life. I couldn’t marry her or give her children untainted by vampire blood like she wanted. So, I honored her wishes and let her go on to find that human she married. But don’t think for a second that if someone killed her when she was mine, that I wouldn’t have bitten her to save her too. It’s not wrong to save the ones we love, Henry.”

Henry grunted like the stubborn mule both you and his friend knew he was.

“Look, Amara is not Y/N,” Chris said, pushing his friend to see the best in the choices made the day you died. “Y/N was the first human to love a vampire in centuries. She saw you as more than what you are. Do not take advantage of that gift. She is now like us. You can have her forever. There was a time when I would’ve given anything to have the same.”

Henry rose an eyebrow. “So, I’m being an unappreciative prick, is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes,” Chris smirked, taking a drink from his glass, and standing. “But I won’t hold it against you.”

------------------------------------------

You woke with a massive arm draped over your abdomen. It felt like a heavy brick and you couldn’t get enough air, so you blindly shoved at it until lifted. The bed shook as you deeply inhaled, swallowing oxygen the way you would if your head just broke the surface of the ocean and you could finally feel the air on your skin.

“Oh, thank fuck,” You heard whispered from your left as two massive hands cupped your cheeks and turned your head. “Open your eyes, baby.”

You tried and winced when the tiniest bit of light seeped in, slamming them shut again to avoid the headache.

“It’s ok,” The voice said. “It’s ok. Try again, just take it slow.”

You did as asked, bracing yourself for the pain of it but powered on, blinking a few times until your view came into focus. “Henry?”

Your voice was gravelly and felt itchy in your throat, but by the way Henry’s face lit up, it might as well have been the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Hey,” He smiled, running a hand over the top of your head. Tears welled in his eyes; the blue orbs darting all over your face as he stroked your hair. One of the droplets fell on your cheek and Henry quickly kissed it away.

His lips were warm, and you sighed into the feeling, suddenly sinking into the curve of his body as it lay against yours. “I feel like I died and rose again,” You groaned as you stretched your limbs the best you could, testing their limits to alleviate the stiffness.

“You’ll feel better soon.” Henry kissed your forehead. “It just takes a little time.”

You tilted your face back from where it was pressed against his hard chest to look up at him with pinched eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

He grew uneasy, averting his gaze and shifting his body awkwardly without removing his arms from around you. “The, uh…transformation takes—”

“Transformation?” Your torso rose, surprisingly not aching the slightest.

Henry leaned up as well and cupped your cheek, savoring the feel of your skin in case you tried to kill him. You would have the strength for it now if you planned your attacks strategically. And if you hated him, he would accept your decision. He was selfish, after all, but he couldn’t let you go.

“Baby, you…you did die.” Your eyes widened and Henry internally cringed. “Elias killed you, and I bit you on, um…” He grabbed your wrist and brought it up to your face. “I bit your wrist. I changed you”

And sure enough, there were two faint dots on the inner side of your wrist; the marks shimmering to perfectly match the small cut on your finger.

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

You looked at him. “Why?”

Henry moved to lay on his back. You could tell he was avoiding your eyes; that he was scared of your reaction to his next words. Crawling on top of him with unexpected ease, you straddled his waist and planted your hands firmly on his chest. You pressed down lightly, giving him a little jolt, when he had still hadn’t answered.

His eyes locked with yours and he wrapped his fingers around your forearms to keep your steady above him. “I just didn’t want to lose you. I’ve never been that scared in my life, and it made me—"

“No.” You shook your head. “Not why did you do it. I meant, why are you sorry you did? You want me, don’t you?” You didn’t ask for reassurance. You knew how he felt, but you wanted him to see that changing you was the only option if he wanted to be with you; and him wanting to have you would never be something you could punish him for. Being like him did not terrify you. It didn’t shock you into silence. Honestly, you didn’t feel all the different.

He sat up until you were face to face and wrapped his arms around your waist. One hands fingers trailed up and down the length of your spine. “More than anything.”

“Henry, I had nothing for me in that life,” You said as your hands settled on his shoulders. “Nothing.” Tipping your head down, you connected your lips and he moaned so deep his chest vibrated against yours.

“You’re really ok?” He asked when you pulled apart.

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” You said.

A small laugh came out in the form of a puff of air, then he tucked his head down until his cheek was resting against your left breast. He sighed, but it came out more like a moan. “I love that sound.”

“You can still hear it?”

“Only when I’m this close,” He said, nipping at the skin and nuzzling into your chest. “You’ll just have to tell me how you feel about me from now on.”

You smiled, but then your face fell serious. “Henry?”

“Hmm?”

“What now?”

He pulled back as he took in a deep breath and exhaled through his nose. “Now the change fully takes hold. Your eyesight will increase, you’ll get stronger every day, your fangs will come in soon, and you’ll hate it because you’re going to be biting your tongue fifteen times a day for about a week.”

You grimaced, but chuckled.

“There are a few other things, but we’ll deal with them as they come, not now. Other than that, not much else,” He said, framing your face with his hands. “You’re mine now, baby. And I’m yours.”

“Just like that, huh?”

“Just like that.” He grinned and pressed his lips to yours.

---

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#henry cavill #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x you #henry cavill x y/n #henry cavill x female reader #henry cavill angst #henry cavill smut #henry cavill fluff #henry cavill fic #henry cavill fics #henry cavill fanfics #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill oneshot #henry cavill one shot #henry cavill au #henry cavill vampire #vampire henry #vampire!henry

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whump-town · 3 years

Text

The Visit

Leaning back in her chair, arms crossed on her chest Jennifer Jaruea is sitting vigil. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is getting into this room without her say so. The image alone is a lot to take in. Their usually stoic, unwavering boss sleeping in a hospital bed. Attached to tubes and wires, breathing labored even with the aid of the oxygen canal running under his nose. By his side, little JJ. Little but fierce. Just let that damned George Foyet show his face. She’ll die before she lets that son of a bitch hurt her boss again.

Not that Emily would ever let that happen. On the other side of the bed, she’s laying sprawled out on a cot. For the last two days, she hasn’t left for more than five hours. Always here the first to get to Hotch when he wakes up. In that time, she’s gone to see Reid. Mostly to get a good check-in on the kid so Hotch would stop worrying something might have developed with the youngest agent’s wounds.

Everyone’s fine.

… or getting there.

“Spence--,” JJ wakes from her light sleep to the soft sound of something approaching the door. She sits up immediately, eyes going to Hotch, still asleep, and then Emily who has turned over onto her left side with her back to them. Which leaves the movement to the door and she’s not all that surprised when she sees who the intruders are.

She moves carefully, hoping to keep Hotch and Emily asleep despite there being so much movement in the room. “What the hell are you two doing in here?” she asks. Reid at least looks sheepish (although, she’s sure that’s only because he’s been caught) but Garcia just shrugs.

JJ knows Reid isn’t supposed to be out of bed. The doctor’s orders had him strictly bedridden until his second surgery for his knee. It wasn’t meant to be cruel keeping the genius from seeing Hotch but he could mess his knee up if he’s not careful. And Hotch is already moody enough, Reid doesn’t need that coming down on him tenfold if he handicaps himself further by permanently damaging his knee.

“If he catches you two down here,” JJ starts to threaten, hands moving to her hips. A very dotting mother thing to do and rightfully so. When aren’t Reid and Garcia acting like her troublesome little siblings? “You,” JJ points at Garcia, shaking her head when Garcia feigns innocence points her finger back at her own chest in faux confusion. “Yes, you Penelope Garcia, who he sent home hours ago--”

Garcia opens her mouth to defend herself but JJ shakes her head.

“Don’t defend yourself to me,” she says. She points behind her to Hotch, “he’s the one you have to worry about.”

Garcia’s mouth shuts as she looks at her boss. Her poor, exhausted liege. He’d hardly managed to talk to her when she was with him earlier. Coherent just enough to worry that she wasn’t sleeping enough if she was here with him. So, obviously, if he catches her here again he’s going to worry.

“And you, Spencer Reid,” JJ crosses her arms on her chest. “What are you thinking?” Her voice softens, all disappointment and exasperation.

Reid wants to be sheepish. He knows he shouldn’t be down here but he’s already made it out of bed and into this wheelchair… the harm is done. There’s no going back now. “Can I go in there,” he asks, pouting. He’s putting on a show, for sure. Hoping to hit JJ in the mothering, naturing parts of her that will twist in his favor. The only problem is they might be overpowered by mothering she’s doing over Hotch.

JJ looks at the two of them, sighs, and glances back at the sleeping agents. It’s late. There really shouldn’t be any visitors back here and they could get into trouble… but Hotch has been agitated. Obviously worried about Reid and knows damn well that they’ll lie to him about how serious Reid’s knee is if need be.

“Don’t wake him up,” JJ says, sternly. “I’m going to take Emily home and Dave should be here--” she checks her phone. “Dave will be here in twenty minutes. I want you out of here when he comes, do you understand?”

Both dutifully nod but she highly doubts they listen.

“He’s not been up for conversation,” JJ warns. She’s done fussing with them but if she’s going to let them do this, it’s only fair she properly warns them. “The nurse came in and upped his morphine so he’s bound to be out of it.” As much as she hates to encourage them, she knows Hotch will be happy to see them. “Just remind him that he’s in the hospital and try to get him to drink the apple juice on the tray. He needs to sleep. No funny business.”

Another round of nods and JJ realizes that she’s about to leave Hotch in the hands of her very troublesome kid coworkers. As much as the idea scares her, she always knows it’s going to do all three of them some good. So, she resigns herself to the idea. She’s helping a groggy Emily along when she sees Garcia stealthily doubling the blankets Hotch is tangled in.

“Penelope!” she whispers.

Garcia keeps going, tucking it along his sides. “He’s cold,” she defends.

They’re going to kill her. Dear God, they’re going to kill her.

Reid just… starts to doubt if this was a good idea. He’d seen his mother in the hospital plenty of times. He’s no stranger to this sort of thing. Now he realizes that despite the warnings and despite the updates his teammates gave him, he’d still expected to find Hotch in here. The older man-- doing Hotch things. Having covered every surface with paperwork or reading a book.

He’d grown up with a mother constantly in out of hospitals and, yet, some small naïve part of him thought Hotch invincible.

Watching Hotch’s face for any sign of consciousness, Reid slips his hand into his. He grabs blindly for hold, managing a few fingers in his grasp. His boss doesn’t really do touch but Reid would kill for one of his hugs. To stand beside him or just sit across from him on the jet. Hotch is calming. Steady.

Reid’s eyes snap up to the machines above Hotch’s head, nervously glancing to Garcia. She’s noticed it too, the obvious distress the rise in sound is signaling. The hand in Reid’s squeezes and Reid’s eyes move to Hotch’s face. Watching the older man’s eyes move quickly under his eyelids.

Reid flinches when those eyes fly open, Hotch’s lips parting as he takes in his surroundings. He’s gasping, slightly, eyes scanning around the room. He finds them, looking at both Reid and Garcia for a long moment. Closing his mouth and eyes he breathes in through his nose, using the oxygen canal supplying a steady stream of air. When he opens his eyes he looks right at Reid. “You’re supposed to be upstairs.”

Reid glances at Garcia but that doesn’t divert Hotch’s attention. With the decency to admit when he’s caught, Reid nods his head. He’s glad he’d made the adventure down here. He hasn’t been able to sleep knowing Hotch is down here and that no one will tell him what’s going on. Not transparently, that is.

For good reason, Reid had found out the moment they stepped foot onto this floor. On his floor, he could hear kids being chased by family members. Grandparents greeting grandchildren with open arms and eager laughter. Yesterday, he’d watched a man be lead down the hall by a toddler. The child’s attention very carefully zeroed in on every step the injured man had taken. He’s heard lovers greeting one another.

Up there, he’d heard so much life. The ups and downs but the recovery.

Here on this floor, the lights remain dimmed. No one but the staff walks the halls. The sounds are cardiac monitors and soft hushed voices swallow any slight joys. Even in here. Hotch’s dazed eyes and cold hands…

“How’s your leg,” Hotch asks, softly. His head is turned to Reid, eyes half-lidded but aware. He might not be himself but Reid knows Hotch will be able to tell if he’s lying. Even if it’s just a small lie.

Garcia comes around his other side and it distracts Hotch for just the briefest second before he turns back to Reid.

“I’m okay,” Reid promises with a nod. He really is. The doctors think he’ll manage. His youth is working in his favor and with a bit of luck, he might not even need assistance to walk. Which would be kind of cool, really. Canes are neat.

Hotch narrows his eyes but doesn’t fight him. “Are you in any pain?”

Reid blushes, lowering his head. Right. No one has mentioned this conversation yet. He’s not on anything hard. The doctors were notified the moment he got the ambulance that he couldn’t have any opioids. Dilaudid still manages to control his life.

“Reid,” Hotch whispers, squeezing Reid’s hand. “I didn’t mean--”

Reid looks up, cutting him off, “I know. I know you didn’t it.”

Hotch’s face softens.

“I’m comfortable, Hotch. I’m okay. Really.”

Hotch looks at him for a moment longer. As if torn between believe Reid and…

Garcia squeezes Hotch’s other hand, smiling when her boss turns to look at her. “I’ve got boy wonders back,” she promises. “He’s okay. Well,” she shrugs, “aside from the amount of jello he’s eating.”

Reid frowns, “the nurse said it was okay!

“Alright,” Hotch stops that from going any further. Knowing that if he doesn’t say something now, the two of them will go on for ages. “Alright,” he untangles his arm from under the mountain of blankets he’s under. He knows this is Garcia’s doing. He rubs at his eyes, trying to work the sleep from them. Around a yawn he manages, “Reid, eat something more substantial than jello, okay?”

Reid sighs but nods. The jello doesn’t upset his stomach. Besides, it’s got to count for something that the jello comes in green. Certainly, he can argue that would count as “eating his greens”. He doesn’t argue that point. Glancing up, he can see Hotch is struggling to keep pace with them. Something gives him the courage and he softly asks, “ Hotch?”

Tired eyes meet him, Hotch offers only a hum. He’s falling apart right before them. Too tired and still feeling the effects of his wounds to keep up with their energy. Two days isn’t enough to bounce back from nine stab wounds.

“We’ll catch him, right?”

If he were honest, Hotch would tell him that he has no idea. That, honestly, as much faith as he has in his family-- he doesn’t know what’s going to happen if they can’t. That’s an impossible sort of thing to have to live with. Even worse if they can’t catch Foyet because Hotch can’t afford to blame them for that. They’re all he has.

No family.

His only child has been taken away in an unmarked car.

His ex-wife with him.

His mother is dead. His father too. There’s Sean but his kid brother has never been good for pretty much anything.

So, he lies. For Reid but mostly for himself. He has to believe they will. “I know you will,” Hotch replies. He glances over at Garcia. They’re the smartest people he knows. Brilliant. If anyone can, they can.

Dave knocks on the door and all three of their heads turn to him. He knows he’s walking into something heavy but it’s late and all three of the people in front of him should be in bed. “What are you two trouble-makers doing down here,” he asks with a fond shake of his head.

Garcia stands first, dusting her hands down her dress. “Just came to check on the boss,” she promises.

Hotch smirks at her but remains silent.

Reid pulls his hand from Hotch’s and looks down at his lap.

“Get out here,” Rossi prods. “Hotch isn’t as young as he once was. The old man needs some sleep.”

Garcia frowns and leans down to kiss Hotch’s forehead. “I still think you’re young and spry, sir.”

Hotch smirks, “thank you, Garcia.” He watches the two of them get going, Reid glances back at him. Hotch has to swallow down against the morphine wrecking his body. He won’t last too much longer. “Reid?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s going to be okay.”

Reid looks down in his lap. His stomach clenches and he feels like he’s going to be sick. He doesn’t say a word but he’s certain that’s not true at all. “Right,” is all he manages.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #spencer reid #penelope garcia #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #david rossi #reid and garcia are the little siblings #bc of course #criminal minds fanfiction

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shra-vasti · 4 years

Text

Flower

Pairing : Yoon Jeonghan x reader

Type : ex-lovers to soulmate au, idol au

Genre : primarily angst, fluff

Warnings : cursing here and there and a makeout scene at the start

Soulmate au type : In which your soulmate's initial are craved into your wrist when you turn 20 and when you touch each other their initial turns into their full name.

Synopsis : You and Jeonghan dated before getting your soulmark but it ended in a rather most heartbreaking way for you but fate bought you two together and now it's upon Jeonghan to fix what he messed up.

Note : Italics = flashback/past

Word count : 6k

"Yah, Yoon Jeonghan take me home."

He look up from where he was seated with his drink in his hands as he took in your form. You were barely walking straight, your body far from being balanced.

"What did you say?"

Shock was clearly evident in his voice that you even thought of walking in his direction yet alone ask him to take you home. He heard Mingyu and Jun snicker beside him laughing at his confused and shocked state. Their Hyung was never this perplexed in front of anyone.

"You heard me." you let out a whine already regretting your decision to even ask him to drop you home.

"My friends are way too drunk and Joshua told me that you are aren't drinking tonight plus your apartment is near mine."

He put his drink on the counter as he made his way towards you.

"You're going to regret this once you sober up." he muttered more to himself as he took a hold of your hand and guided you out of the party with all of his and your friends cheering up and leaving teasing remarks.

He took you to your apartment as you fumbled with your purse to take out the card to swap across the monitor but it seemed like you weren't even in the condition to do that so Jeonghan took it upon himself to tuck you in bed and then leave.

"Yoon Jeonghan." you called out when he settled you on your couch, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he helped you take out your heels.

He look up at you when he heard you calling his name to see your face really close to his.

"Why are you frowning?" you asked as you gently swiped your thumb across his eyebrows to make him relax, a habit of yours whenever you found him frowning over something.

"I should go."

He was sure that you were mad drunk and if he will stay in your apartment unit longer, one of you will regret it in the end.

You held his hands as you saw him get up from where he was standing and stood up before him, your gaze still hazy.

Your hands craddled his face as you cup his jaw slowly closing the distance between the two of you. His hands found their way around your body and rested on your hips but as soon as he felt your breath on his face and the scent of wine hit his nose he came back to reality, no he can't take advantage of you when you were drunk.

You once again let out a whine, stomping your feet on the floor clearly frustrated.

"I don't want you to do anything with me, which I know you will regret, when you are drunk. I'm not drunk so I won't let that happen."

His voice was stern but it felt like instead of scolding you he was actually trying to warn himself about it.

"Lets have a drink then, why are you the only one not getting drunk." you said as you blackmailed him to stay put and went inside the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine.

A loud noise was heard as soon as you went inside the kitchen and Jeonghan didn't think twice before running towards you to see that you accidentally made the steel utensils fell onto the floor.

He sighed as he picked them up and moved towards where you were in front of your refrigerator. He crossed his arms across his chest eyeing you and silently asking you on how on earth you have so many bottles of wine in your house.

You just smiled at him not really caring about his stern gaze as you pulled his collar by one hand, a bottle on wine on another as you finally pulled him in for a kiss.

His body stiffened at the sudden proximity, he felt your one hand running through his hair and tucking on it making him groan. He pulled your body harshly against his as he devoured you unable to control himself as his hands roamed everywhere on your body, touching each surface of your exposed skin as much as possible.

He pulled away to catch his breath, his eyes darkening at the sight of your swollen lips, then his eyes landed on the bottle of wine loosely hanging on your hand and he snatched it from you, opening the bottle and chugging as much as drink possible in one go.

Your eyes widened as you look at him drinking the wine vigorously. You once again moved towards him taking the bottle from his hands and putting it somewhere on the kitchen counter.

You hop onto the counter and once again tugged him towards you kissing and sucking on his neck and drinking the remains of wine which spilled from his mouth onto his neck and chest. He let out a groan as his hands found your hair and he grabbed them harshly pulling you off him before once again claiming your lips.

You crossed your legs around his body and you felt his hands move down from your head towards you waist to hold you in place as he got away from the counter carrying you, lips still attached with each other sighing and moaning in each other's mouth as he lead you towards your room.

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

You hadn't even check your phone and put it in silent mode just to avoid your group members potentially messaging or calling you to reach you and inform you about something you were purposly trying to ignore.

It was late at night, clearly an hour before the night ends and another day starts as you walked in the direction of your dorm room which was few blocks away from your company's building, where you had been practicing for a stage whole day which wasn't even that important and you had already mastered all of the steps and lyrics.

With that thought in your mind, you took out your phone and you watch as the screen lit up as your pressed your finger on the senser, the first thing to catch your attention among the numerous texts and calls of your members and few of Seventeen's was the date&time displayed.

10:50 PM, 4 October.

You made your way inside your dorm building's lobby still focused on your phone as you deligently cleared your notifications not paying much attention to the surroundings since your dorm's building was never that crowded at such times., at least that's what Jeonghan thought as he watched you made your way towards him or more specifically where the stairs of your dorm room lies, unknown of his presence.

He looked at his wrist where your initials were craved, they were just initials and there maybe hundreds of people with same initials for all he knew but his doubts vanished when he asked your members about the soulmark on your wrist and they informed him about his initials being craved on them. Despite all of this, he followed his gut feelings, he just needed to touch you to confirm everything.

He had been sitting on the stairs for nearly an hour now, his eyes narrowed to get a better look and not miss anything as he focused on the building's gate, hand clasped together tightly, legs tapping the ground beneath, he anxiously waited there to at least see you once before his birthday ends, as if he knew that the only person who was going to cross it anytime soon was you.

It was a terrible idea, he knew but if you weren't going to show any signs of acknowledgement of his presence in your life once again he might as well be shameless for the sake of his feelings cause he was aware that he fucked everything up.

He straightened his back and got up taking a few steps down the stairs to meet you halfway when he noticed you putting your phone back inside your pocket, you were going to notice him now that you weren't focused on anything else.

"Yoon Jeonghan?"

Your voice was a low whisper but he felt his heart skipping a beat as his name rolled off your lips. He was never a fan of his name thinking his parents could have chosen some cooler sounding name but he loved the way you said his name and he suddenly was in love with his formerly not so cool name.

He watched as you sighed softly before siding him but not today he wasn't going to let you off today easily, he was confused if he was being this daring because he couldn't take it anymore or that it was all because today was his birthday and he knew that for you at some point of your life his birthday was one of the most important day.

He blocked your path, his body a little bit more closer than it has ever being in years.

"You didn't attend my birthday party."

"I had other important things to do."

"I just needed few hours of your day if not two, you know."

"I apologize, now if you would excuse me."

His breath hitched, this wasn't going to be easy but he had to do something. He had watched you from afar for a year already and his guilt and conscience was eating him up every time he looked at you or hear about you.

He just needed to talk, to let you know about his feelings, to tell you how he didn't mean any of the thing which had happened in the past in between you both which broke you apart, he needed to tell you how he deserved your hatred rather than the obvious nonchalant attitude you put before him.

He just needed to hear your voice directly talking to him, he needed you to look at him to show any signs that there's still hope cause God knows he wouldn't survive being without you.

"You are free now, I asked your members and they said you don't have any schedule till tomorrow evening so I guess you can spend the last hour of my birthday with me without sacrificing your sleep or anything else."

He knew that if he didn't knew any better, the glare which you sent in his direction would have made anyone else surrender in defeat in seconds, but he kept his cool facade on as he threw you a shit eating grin as if to prove you that you couldn't back off.

You rolled your eyes, hands crossed across your chest clearly feeling frustrated cause you knew that once he made up his mind for anything, he'll do anything to get it done and you spending his birthday's last hour with him was one of it.

You groaned, indirectly telling him that you aren't a big fan of the idea as you turned around towards the building gate once again. You frowned when you look behind after walking a good distance noticing that he was still glued on the same place with a confused expression. You huff in annoyance.

"Are you going to spend the rest one hour standing there or you wanna go outside? I don't mind intentionally wasting this one hour just so you know." with that you turned around once again as you started making your way out of the building.

Jeonghan blinked a few times clearly surprised at your sudden change in behavior. You never let him speak more than two sentence before ignoring him completely but here you were ready to spend an hour with him, just him.

He closed his eyes as he silently thanked his members as well as yours to help him mend his relationship with you at least till this point.

When he first faced you after years of not being in contact, you didn't even behave like you knew him, like he never made your day better, like he never really sing you to sleep, like he never was your high, like he never really existed in your life and he was shattered.

He made a big mistake but he loved you way too much to lose you like that, you didn't deserve it and he was ready to do anything to fix that. A smile plastered on his lips as he started running to catch up with you.

He brought you towards where his car was parked and started driving, no words were exchanged. He took a look at you leaning on the passenger seat lazily, your head on the closed tinted window. He reached towards the button and slightly pulled the window glass down enough for the outside air to enter in.

You frown feeling the glass move as you pushed yourself off to properly sit and shot a glare towards him before looking after what he did. You can't breathe properly due to suffocation when the cars windows are all closed so he pull down the windows enough to let some air in.

You looked at him as he casually continued his driving like doing such things for you was his second nature, well it used to be his second nature and all of the things he was doing was just in his instincts.

It was in his instincts to take care of you, to know what you like, to know what you don't, to know how you like your drink, which things pisses you off. To him you were an open book and never in your life anyone had ever read you the way he did. No one could ever.

"Namsan tower? I thought you would take me to one of those cheesy fancy restaurants or something." you mumbled as you took out your seat belt and head out of the car immediately sighing in relief as the suffocating air of car was now replaced by the fresh air.

Jeonghan got out of the car moments after you did as he observed you.

"This place is more important than those cheesy fancy restaurants for me."

He could sense the awkward aura that surrounded you as both of you made your way towards the tower. It held so many memories, so many moments which both of you still cherish from the bottom of your heart. Maybe taking you here would help him rekindle your relationship.

The familiar road which you had abandoned from years, now that you were walking on it again with the same person who was with you the last time you went there you could tell your emotions were running wild and it was going to be one hell of an hour.

Jeonghan stopped when he reached at the far end of the namsan tower locks as he turn around towards you.

You lift up your eyes from the ground to come directly in contact with his eyes, oh how he managed to still make your heat skip a beat with just one look. You broke the eye contact first as your focus slowly was stolen away by the place you were now standing.

There were hardly any people here, since everyone's major attention seeker was the locks of the tower where the lovers wish for their happy ending and lock it. It was only yours and his place, the end of the namsan's lock. You slowly made your way towards where he was standing few feet away from you and you internally prayed to heavens to make the time flow fast.

"It's still beautiful as it was when we used to come here." you looked at him to see him smiling nostalgically at the memory, the sight of him like that was enough for your breath to get caught, he was still breathtaking you concluded.

He turned towards you when he felt your eyes on him which made you look ahead at the beautiful scenery. Your hands felt cold due to the sudden chilly wind and also because of the rush of emotions inside you, you rubbed your sweaty palms on your jeans before putting them back on the railings.

Jeonghan looked at you like he knew that today will mayhaps be the day where either he'll make everything up or fuck everything up all over again and for the first time in years he was so nervous he could feel his heart on his throat.

The last time he felt like that was the time when he sent you a long breakup message on how he fell out of love and was seeing some fellow idol for a quite while behind your back and he couldn't do it anymore. He explained how he got distracted since he spent more time with them as compared to you. He apologized for causing you pain and meeting someone behind your back, he just didn't want to hurt you he said and you just replied with a plain, 'Take care.'

That was it, nothing else. He didn't hear anything from you after that until he saw you in pledis building, this time around as the member of their upcoming girl group.

You didn't yell at him like he expected you to, you didn't hurt him in return, you just completely erased yourself from his life like he never existed. You changed your apartment, he found his things were still there, you didn't take anything with you. Not a single thing. And then it hit him that maybe, maybe he lost something which was very dear to him.

Thinking about the past made him rethink about his boldness that he put up today. He had zero idea how you took the breakup. He was sure you were hurt, devastated, broken up but he didn't know if you hated him for what he did, resented him, still loved him, forget him, cried over him for days, were just angry at him and wished he died instead, cursed him or anything else.

Your feelings regarding the breakup remained an enigma to him till this date, he wasn't sure what was in your mind when you saw him, when you first heard him.

He suddenly felt self conscious about himself, he didn't even properly breakup with you, just a text and you didn't deserve such nonchalant behavior of his, at least he should have told you all of this in person.

But how could he, both of you were not in contact with each other for months since he had recently debuted with Seventeen and was busy with promotions and going out with some other idol to even care about if he contacted you or not cause you were too understanding and too good for him.

He took a deep breath, shivering as he pulled out one of his hands from his hoodie's pocket and gently taking your hand in his and intertwining it, if it was the regular Jeonghan today he was sure he would have run away from the mess he created rather than facing it, but today was different today he actually had something to gain or lose.

Your head snapped towards him in an instant, disbelief portrayed on your face as you look in between your intertwined hands and his face. He put your intertwined hands back inside his hoodie's pocket, ignoring the loud beating of his heart and the obviously frustrated glare you were throwing towards him. He closed his eyes as he tried to calm his nerves down, God this was just him holding your hand like he did countless of time yet he was so nervous.

"We always used to do this back then, your hands get cold easily so I used to hold your hand and put it inside the pocket to make you feel more warm."

He let out a breath he didn't even know he held slowly looking towards you as you were now looking straight ahead and not him. Your facial expressions stiff and a distant look in your eyes.

"What are your intentions Yoon Jeonghan?"

You voice was sharp, to the point and he knew it was meant for him to hurt and for the love of God it did. It broke him. You tried to pull away your hand but he held it tight not letting go. You opened your mouth to say something but he beat you to it.

"It's my birthday today, take it as my wish. I want to relive the time I spent with you just like we used to. Just for tonight, I want my girl back."

He looked at you, his eyes pleading you to consider it. You always fulfilled his wishes which he wished on his birthday be it anything, it was like your own little tradition and you promised him that you would fulfill his every birthday wish till your last breath, he just hoped that you still remembered it and that it still applied, it was his only desperate attempt left.

To beg you for your love.

"Please..."

He sounded so delicate, so fragile, so desperate, he knew he had long thrown his reputation and image in the trash can.

"You promised me you would complete all of my birthday wishes whatever they were if I said them to you before the clock hit 12 till your last breath. Are you going to turn your back on your own words?"

He saw you contemplating to say something and then deciding not to then you took a deep breath and stop struggling to pull away your hand from his grasp.

"Okay....just till midnight." he heard you say as you tightly clasped his hand in yours.

His members and yours had been nothing but a blessing in his and yours shattered relationship. They knew what Jeonghan did was wrong and that he deserved what he was going through but his love for you wasn't something which would go unnoticed by anyone.

So they helped him in every way possible to crack your cold heart into the previous warm one and they didn't hesitate to even blackmail you to consider giving him a second chance and that's the soul reason why you were here with him without creating any scene and argument.

He knew you hated being here and you would've left him there alone if it wasn't for your egoistic self taking a toll on your logical self and compile to whatever attacks your members were making towards you when you said you would never consider being with him again. It's like your members knew you like the back of their hands and knew what exactly they had to do for him to have a chance and he mentally made a note to thanks them personally for this.

You felt him leave your hand and move as you stood still on your spot. He moved behind you carefully snaking his one arm around your torso and other around your shoulder as he pulled you in him. The suddenness of moments leaving your mind blank as he buried his head at the crook of your neck. Your body became stiff as you clutch your fist to control yourself.

This was too much for you, you weren't prepared but he had to, scratch that he needed to be close to you. He was going insane, his body and mind getting euphoric just by your mere scent which he was inhaling. He kept on mumbling sorry again and again as if it would change something, anything, he was desperate.

You looked ahead, not uttering even a single word as he poured his heart out as he cried, his face still buried at the crook of your neck. You could feel his tears slipping down from your neck and sipping inside your clothes fabric or your chest. His grip on you tightened almost as if he was scared you would disappear anytime soon and you let him do what he wanted, till midnight.

"I'm sorry babe, I fucked up. I wish we could get back together like we used to and rebuilt our relationship. I love you so fucking much it's actually crazy how I didn't realize I need you this much when I was with you. Guess I took you for granted but please please please I'll do anything to gain you back please don't slip away from me."

And he cried all of the pain and guilt away which built up in him since the time he broke up. He didn't care if your roles in the relationship changed, he didn't care if you treat him nonchalantly, he just wanted you to love him and be with him.

His cries subsidized as the time passed and you could hear him sniffling and rubbing his nose on your clothed shoulder like he always did and you stayed there silently feeling the warmth he radiated.

He removed his hand which was on your torso and held your hand and brought it in front of you both so that your hands were visible to both of you. He pulled down the sleeves of your top revealing your wrist and he could feel his and yours heart beating loudly against his chest at the sight.

Yoon Jeonghan was craved beautifully on your wrist and when he pulled the sleeves of his own hoodie up you could feel your eyes well up by noticing your name craved on his wrist right beside where your hand was with both of your names side by side.

"I love you." he simply said as he hit his head lightly on your shoulder too tried to utter another word or explain anything else. He did everything he could do and all that was left now was those three words.

"I love you too." you replied as he turn you around to face him, the shock clearly evident on his face like he wasn't expecting this. He didn't even expect you to say its okay yet alone those three words back. But before he could say something, you did.

"I loved you too damn much and I know I'll keep on doing it. Cause all you ever taught me was how to love and I'm filled with you."

He wiped the tears which slipped from your eyes as he mumbled how sorry he was that you had to go through so much pain alone.

"I love you, Yoon Jeonghan...but you betrayed your love and your times up."

With that you pushed yourself away from him, the distant and cold look coming back on your face as you left him there, alone. You stopped a cab and got in never turning back and once he came back to his senses he realized what you did. You gave him a taste of his own medicine. You let him make a fool of himself in front of you and ditched him in the end, just like he did.

He turned around to look for you but all he could see was moving cars and empty surrounding he called for you thinking that you were playing some sort of prank but little did he know that he was wrong.

Jeonghan opened his eyes, his hands clutching on the sheets as he propped himself up. He rubbed his face grabbing his head due to the unbearable headache he felt. He dreamed about his birthday again, it was slowly becoming like a nightmare to him, a nightmare which he knew had already happened.

"You're up."

He ignored his thoughts when he felt like he heard your voice, confusion laced on his face as he slowly lift his head up to see your figure leaning on the doorframe of the bed. You pulled yourself off the leaning position as you threw him a small smile before going out of the room and coming back with a tray in your hands.

You sat in front of him, the blanket was splayed across his lower half as your legs came in contact with his, confirming that it was all real.

"Is your head hurting? The hangover must have hit hard considering you drank everything in one go. Drink this and you'll feel at ease."

You handed him the drink which you made and put aside the tray. His head lingered around the words you just muttered hangover? Drank everything in one go?

"Aren't you going to drink it?" you voice brought him back, his focus once again on you. You hand made contact with his forehead and then back and his arms as you tried to feel his body temperature.

"You didn't caught fever did you?" you asked concernly. He shook his head, he was fine but he wasn't sure about anything other than that.

His eyes landed on your shirt, the one which was somewhat too big for you, half of it was tucked neatly inside your shorts. He realized it was his shirt and after that everything started to fall into places as memories of last night started flooding inside his head.

"Where were you? I didn't see you here when I woke up." he said after he drank the drink you made.

"Hyungjae came to ask me about my schedule so that we could work together on writing the song for his upcoming song."

"You went outside the apartment to meet him, like this?" he questioned as he eyed you form. You were wearing his shirt, the purple marks from last night still visible on your neck even though your hair were kept loose and shorts.

"What's the problem in this? He was just outside the door I could've even gone in my pajamas and he wouldn't have care less."

You shrugged as if it didn't bother you at all about the fact that Hyungjae was also present at the party yesterday and surely knew what Jeonghan wore and then he came to meet you and you were wearing his shirt.

It was as if you had indirectly told Hyungjae that you belonged to him and that boy never shut up but Jeonghan didn't mind about it what he minded was if you were okay with that.

"Come on I'm in the kitchen freshen up and have some breakfast with me."

He watched as you got up and headed outside the door was this actually reality? Didn't you say that he betrayed you and that you have nothing to do with him? He thought whatever you did last night was something done under the influence of alcohol in your system but he guessed you just drank purposely to avoid backing off.

He quickly made his way towards your bathroom and did his morning routine. He looked at himself in the mirror, he was shirtless since you were wearing his and he had his pants on, some of the marks of last night still visible on his upper body reminding him that you are waiting for him at the kitchen so he made his way towards it.

He saw you seated on the kitchen counter eating up ice-cream when he saw you looking at him.

"I was going to make breakfast but then it dawned me how tired I'm from last night and I lost all of my will to do anything. Will you make breakfast?"

His could feel his ears turning red after hearing you say that, a laughed escaped your lips watching him get so flustered as you motioned him to come closer to you and he did. He came towards you and you put the container of ice cream aside, your hands cradling his face to kiss his forehead, nose and then his lips.

He looked at you for a second before wrapping his hands around your body lazily, you leaned in again and he let his body relax against you and let you take the lead. You wrapped your legs around his torso bringing him more close and he sighed into the kiss. The kiss was lazy and slow like you were just trying to remember the way he felt close to you.

You pull away breathing softly as your eyes were still closed, the feeling of his lips still lingering on your own, he put his forehead on yours sighing contently.

"Are you fine?" his voice was a bit hoarse due to kissing, you opened your eyes taking look at him. You smiled pecking his lips again before removing some of the strands of hair fallen on his face.

"You still look so ethereal when the afterglow hits you." you said making him even more flustered if he wasn't already.

"I always asked you to never say it to me, it makes me flustered." he whined as he hide his face at the crook of your neck in embarrassment. Although he was embarrassed he couldn't help but feel at ease listening you talking about the things you did together in the past.

"Why did you suddenly decided to change?" he coughed as he asked you trying to remove the hoarseness in his voice.

"If you don't remember, you said you wish for us to get back together and rebuilt our relationship and I promised you I would grant all of your birthday wishes."

You smiled recalling the memories you made with him, his birthday few months prior and his confession was something you couldn't take off your head for weeks and then you decided to talk it out with Joshua since he already found his soulmate.

After talking with Joshua, you started figuring out your own feelings towards Jeonghan cause all you had even done was push aside anything related to him to not get hurt but when you actually started thinking about it you realize that if Jeonghan was ready to risk it all for you, the least you could do was give me a chance to do so and although you knew it would take sometime to trust him and love him like you did at some point you were determined to test the bond which fate had given a chance to.

"Although it took me sometime to actually consider all of this, I wasn't sure, I never have been but I guess in the end when it comes to you, there's no going back and also there must be a reason the fate tied us together right?"

You felt him smile against your lips, the weight on his shoulder was lifted finally letting him have the peace. He hugged you tight, too afraid that this moment was nothing more than a dream and he didn't want to wake up.

Having you say those words, he felt he could finally sleep at night without feeling the burden and he realized that when you love someone your ego and reputation should be thrown out of your body cause in the end you were the only thing that mattered to him, his lover, his life, his soulmate who had touch him in million ways possible.

"I love you, han." you whispered as you heard him chuckle making you frown.

"I was so used to hear to call me Yoon Jeonghan that Han felt like a distant memory to me but now it had unlocked many different kinds of emotions I kept buried inside the deepest corners of my heart. I think being with you once again there are going to be so many nostalgic rides down the memory's lane and I'm ready to risk it all for you."

With that he rubbed his nose against you as he turn around towards the gas stove to start preparing for the breakfast. He felt you hug him from behind mumbling how you were hungry and that he should hurry up, he was actually looking forward for his days now.

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

"The one who let me know and see myself, you are my only flower. If you bloom forever in my heart then it's okay for me to get hurt."

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dessarious · 4 years

Text

The Angel of Death Pt24

Inspired by this Story Starter by @someone-ev

AO3 Prologue Beginning Previous Next

When she went downstairs she couldn't help but think about how nothing here had changed. Hearing that her Nonna hired someone to clean she'd assumed it was empty but nothing was different from how she remembered. All the furniture was in exactly the same place. Even the pictures and books seemed not to have moved. She couldn't decide if it was nice or creepy.

"How did you know I was here?" Family or not, there was no reason for her to be here. Last Tris knew the woman was in South America.

"As soon as Harkmoth appeared I started monitoring the Mayor's communications. It was inevitable that he'd panic and look for help so I made sure he'd contact you. I could never find a way to get ahead of you until now." The pride in her voice was unexpected but it made Tris feel warm. It was strange to have an adult praise her, even indirectly. “Even knowing you were in the city I couldn’t find you which is why I was hoping you’d come here.”

“How did you make sure he contacted me?” She knew she was very young when she was taken but she didn’t remember anything about her Nonna that would lead her to believe she was more than a world traveler. Even her research since hadn’t unearthed anything, granted she hadn’t been looking beyond the surface. That had been a mistake obviously.

“I planted the original idea with his daughter over a year ago actually. Whenever I go to see her father she comes to talk to me about you. I mentioned contacting the Angel of Death to go after traffickers. After that I made sure some of his emails, or phone calls subtly suggested using you for various problems. That is my gift, the power of suggestion. It’s nothing compared to yours but it serves me well.” Tris could only blink at her. Then suddenly she thought back to her last few jobs as well as some she’d turned down. The wording in the contacts had been strange on some of the one’s she’d turned down. They’d just given her a bad feeling.

“You tried to use it on me first didn’t you?” She looked surprised and Tris knew she was right. “So you tried to get me where you wanted directly and when that didn’t work you decided to manipulate me second hand?” She hated people playing mind games on her. Hated being controlled.

“Only because I didn’t know how else to see you. I’m not stupid Marinette. All the jobs you take are about as far from wherever I am as possible. There’s no way that’s a coincidence. If I had contacted you directly would you even have answered?” She opened her mouth to replay but couldn’t. She honestly didn’t know what she would have done.

"It's my fault they're dead. I thought you'd hate me if you knew what really happened." And that didn't even include what she'd done since. She was a monster, she had to be to have such a soulmate.

“It was never your fault, and I could never hate you. You should be the one mad at me for letting your parents make decisions when they didn’t understand you. Your father didn’t inherit any powers himself and your mother’s family never showed any signs of them either. But I knew the risk they were taking. Could I have predicted what happened? No, but given that you presented with gifts so strongly I should have at least considered it.” Tris frowned at her in confusion.

“I don’t understand.” The words came out through gritted teeth. In the League such a statement would have earned a harsh punishment. In her life now not understanding could easily kill her. Not understanding herself and what she was capable of was basically a ticking time bomb.

“Power draws more power to it, always. The gifts you were born with have the potential to shape the world. It was inevitable that you would gain attention. I had hoped that suppressing them would give us more time, at least for me to convince your parents of the necessity of properly training you. They wanted you to live a normal life first. They wanted you to be happy and not burdened with what you could do.” That certainly sounded like her parents. Now that she thought about it her Maman had constantly tried to get her to help people when she saw their weaknesses. Her Papa had tried so hard to keep her interest in making things rather than destroying them.

“They were afraid of me weren’t they? Afraid of what I was capable of.” After all the effort they’d put in she’d become exactly what they were trying to avoid. “What am I capable of?” She finally looked up to see her Nonna’s reaction and there was nothing but sympathy on her face.

“Your parents weren’t afraid of you, they just didn’t understand. As to what you’re capable of, I’m not entirely certain. You’ve always been advanced in strategy and seeing the flaws in everything. I think you were three when you started fixing your father’s recipes.” She sounded amused but Tris just frowned. She remembered being his taste tester, but she’d assumed he liked giving her treats. “Then there are the threads.”

“You know I can see them?” That got a surprised look and she watched her Nonna open and close her mouth a few times.

“As in you can see them now?” Tris just nodded. “The magic suppressing you must have failed somehow. It’s not just seeing them either. You can actually manipulate them which was why we did what we did. I wanted to take you to a remote area and let you learn to use your gifts in nature. It’s much harder to change the way a rock is connected to a tree then it is people. You would have learned far better control without the chance of messing with people’s lives. But that’s neither here nor there at the moment.”

“So you’re saying I can potentially change the string between two people and make them go from friends to enemies without anything in their lives changing?” Her Nonna frowned at the question but Tris’s mind was reeling. How many people had she affected? She’d only started seeing the strings after fixing Duusu’s Miraculous, but what if she’d been subconsciously changing things all this time? Had she wanted her parents dead and simply attached herself to Damian to make it happen?

“I don’t know your full potential but when you were little you could only manage small shifts. Granted if you keep doing them over time you could do what you said, but it would take a long time. The bigger the change the harder it is to shift. The longer a relationship has been in place, the less likely you can affect it easily. You also could never create a relationship from nothing.” More questions without answers. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

AO3 Prologue Beginning Previous Next

Ko-Fi

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#maribat #marin #assassin mari #kidnapped au #gina dupain

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solynaceawrites · 4 years

Text

Wires [1] A Fresh Start

Rating: Mature Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death Categories: F/F, F/M Fandom: Devil May Cry Relationships: Dante/Original Female Character(s), Implied Nero/Kyrie, Implied Vergil/Original Female Character(s), Implied Lady/Trish, Dante/Lirael Thorne, Dante/Lir Characters: Dante, Morrison, Nero, Original Female Character(s), Lirael Thorne, Lir Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Violence, Gore, Dark, Horror, Supernatural Elements, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Serial Killers, Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut Summary: In Red Grave City, a serial killer stalks the streets. Lirael Thorne, recently transferred from Fortuna and looking for an escape from her past, winds up on his trail. Hunting him with her veteran partner, Dante Redgrave, they try to piece together the wires that bind the three of them together. In a race to catch him before he leaves more victims in his wake, the things thought buried will come to the surface, tearing lives and comfort apart.

»»————-　⚜　————-««

“Everybody has a geography that can be used for change; that is why we travel to far off places. Whether we know it or not, we need to renew ourselves in territories that are fresh and wild. We need to come home through the body of alien lands.” — Joan Halifax

»»————-　⚜　————-««

Holding an aspirin tablet between her teeth, craving a drink, Lir listens to the clacking of the keyboard and blinks against the watery light streaming between the blinds. The office of Red Grave’s chief of police is smaller than the one in Fortuna, but neater: gone are the numerous potted plants, the maps and spreadsheets tacked to every available surface, the bookcases littered with little knick-knacks and family photographs. Those personal touches have been ignored in favor of something that is neat, organized, the little bit of warmth the room has coming from the soft bulb of the desk lamp and the mahogany of the furniture. It’s a bit of a relief, really. Sanctus had been old—too old, in the opinion of many—and took on a fatherly role that often left Lir feeling chafed and angry. At least here, going from first impressions, there will be no blurring of the line between duty and her personal life.

Seated with his back rod-straight is her new superior. A gold nameplate on the desk reads J.D. Morrison, and as he reads whatever file he’s pulled up on his monitor, Lir wonders what the initials stand for. James Dean is her first thought, and she finally crunches the aspirin, using the bitter flavor to smother her budding laughter. Sure, yeah, why not? Red Grave is a big city, and maybe Morrison’s parents had been so attached to the ill-fated actor that they’d saddled their son with his name. Certainly wouldn’t be the strangest thing she’s heard of.

“Detective Thorne,” Morrison says. He opens a drawer and pulls out a cigar, which he lights in clear disregard of the signs posted on the doors to the building. “Says here you transferred out for personal reasons.”

“Yessir.” The dull throbbing behind her temples grows at the scent of smoke. “Wanted a change of scenery.”

He coughs, clears his throat. “That so? Well, we’ve had people do it for less. Though your track record . . . You seem to have been on a fast path to promotion. ” Lir says nothing. The expectant silence stretches between them until it turns uncomfortable, but she’s not in any particular mood for niceties. She has an apartment to unpack and a bitch of a headache brewing and she wants to get this introduction over with as quickly as she can. Finally, Morrison sighs, silver plumes curling through the air. “Normally, you’d get a tour and time to sort out your desk, but we got a call this morning and it’s all hands on deck. You up to fieldwork?”

His shrewd gaze rephrases that question nicely. You willing to actually work? “Sure.”

Morrison studies her for a few seconds longer, then nods and stands up, raising his voice to a shout that makes her wince. “Officer Simmons!”

A young man with untidy white hair tucked messily under his cap stumbles in. “Yes, Chief?”

“Take Detective Thorne here to the alley.” Simmons’ face pales, and Morrison barks, “Now!”

“Yes, Chief!” Simmons snaps into a hasty salute before scurrying out of the office.

Lir gives one of her own to Morrison and follows, feeling a sort of bemused pity for the officer. She’d been there once, bright-eyed and eager to please, thinking that the law enforcement they showed on television, with its friendly camaraderie and kind-yet-stern chiefs, was the truth of it. Simmons must still be clinging to that, and she pops another aspirin into her mouth and chews it as they weave through the bullpen to the doors that lead outside.

Simmons doesn’t say much, though he opens her door when they reach the cruiser, flushing under her raised brow, and his uneasy quiet persists well into the ride. Definitely fresh, Lir thinks. Probably still spit shines his shoes in the morning and tells people he’s a cop with pride.The thought is bitter, and angry, and distasteful. Not that it really bothers her anymore; her mind has been particularly not tasty as of late.

They drive through cramped, winding streets that turn unexpectedly into one-ways and cross over themselves into a maze, closed in by the dingy buildings until it all feels more than a little claustrophobic. Red Grave City is coastal, just like Fortuna, but it’s much larger, with more crime, and rumors of rampant corruption and greased pockets give it an unsavory reputation with other law enforcement agencies. Yet in stark contrast, it’s as much of a tourist hotspot as Fortuna, its historic district and scenic parks and ritzy downtown drawing numerous crowds every year, regardless of the season. Lir takes all of it in, the cafès and hotels and convenience stores fighting for space, their colorful signs and banners almost garish against the dull brick, and it’s not until they pass into a more modern area with skyscrapers of steel and glass that she decides to ask where the hell Simmons is taking her to.

“What’s in this alley?”

Simmons jumps, the wheel jerking under his hands and sending them partially over the white lines. A minivan behind them lays on the horn, and Lir watches the driver raise his middle finger as he speeds by once Simmons has corrected. “Sorry, ma’am. Uh, Detective. I thought the Chief filled you in.”

“No.” She straightens. “Just that it’s serious.”

“That’s one way to put it,” he mumbles. “Mind if I smoke?”

“Yes.” The sight of his momentary pout sends irritation flaring hot and thick along her spine. Lir swallows it and rubs her temples. “Just crack the damn window.”

“Sure thing.” He does, and then reaches for a pack on the dash and. Drawing a cigarette from it, he says, “Call came in maybe twenty minutes before you showed up. Jane Doe found in an alley. She, uh . . . Well, it might be better for you to see for yourself, but it’s . . .” His fingers tremble as he tries to flick his lighter. Lir takes pity on him and pulls her own from her coat, and he smiles gratefully as she holds it to his cigarette, though his face is pallid and shiny with sweat. “First body?” At his nod, she sighs. “You’ve probably heard it gets easier.”

“Does it?” Simmons looks at her hopefully.

Lir snorts. “No. Eyes on the road.”

He retreats into a silence that’s not quite sullen, leaving her to her thoughts. Which mostly center around whether or not she’ll have time to find a new bar, one of the nice and private ones where no one wants to get friendly or gives a shit that she’s a cop, only that she pays her tab. When they arrive at the crime scene, Simmons stays in the car, looking ready to puke. Lir raps on the door once it’s closed and jerks her chin, signalling for him to head out, and she waits until he gives a shaky thumbs up and pulls away from the curb to head towards the yellow tape strung between a nightclub on one side and a sports bar on the other. An officer at the corner stops her until she shows her badge, then lifts the tape for her to step beneath. Immediately, she’s assaulted by the wet, mossy stench of death and viscera, and she takes the gloves and shoe covers and slides them on to buy herself time to adjust to it.

Cops swarm outside of the alley, keeping the rabid press contained. Inside, there’s only four others, three men and a woman, but Lir ignores them in favor of taking in all that she can before she’s forced to talk. Four dumpsters are present, two on each wall with the city’s waste disposal logo printed on the side; bits of trash and litter surround them: used condoms, soda cans, scraps of newspaper, all of the usual findings. There’s no spray paint graffiti, and a security camera faces out into the busy street. Maybe they’ll get something useful from it, though she doubts it. In her experience, they’re usually for show, just a weak-hearted attempt to prevent crime or a way to deter violence on the premises of businesses who host rowdy crowds.

The scenery accounted for, Lir turns her attention to the misshapen body in the center. Nude and pale, the woman is covered from chest to knee in red that’s gone black with time, her unseeing eyes staring at the sky with a terror that won’t disappear until the medical examiner closes them on the slab. She walks towards her, offal and iron making her throat constrict against nausea, and the woman kneeling next to the corpse looks up at her approach with a friendly nod. Dressed in a black jumpsuit, she’s no doubt the M.E., or someone affiliated with them, and she stays quiet as Lir kneels to fully take in the mutilation inflicted on the victim.

While the rest of her is untouched, her throat is slashed, and she’s been split open from rib to hip, the skin and muscle peeled away to reveal her organs beneath. As far as Lir can tell, nothing has been removed, but something has certainly been added: a pendant rests on top of her stomach, glistening wetly in the daylight. “I pulled it out,” the maybe-M.E. says. “Dante wanted to see it.”

“Dante?” The woman tilts her head, and Lir turns to see a man speaking quietly but furiously to two uniforms. “Uh-huh.”

“You must be the new detective. My name’s Trish.” Lir looks blankly at the hand she holds out before taking it, and Trish’s handshake is firm and cordial. “I’m the medical examiner, coroner, whatever you’d like to call me. Your stiffs go onto my slab, anyway.”

Her dry humor draws an unwilling smile from Lir. “Okay. Trish. I’m Lir, Detective Thorne, take your pick as long as it’s not Lily. What can you tell me about our Jane Doe?”

“Not much, other than the obvious.” Trish points to the wound. “This was more than likely done pre-mortem, going by the amount of blood—there wouldn’t be so much of it if she was already dead—and there are a couple of hesitation marks at her throat. But as to which of those killed her, and how long ago, why she didn’t fight back, I won’t know all of that until I take her out of here.”

Lir considers all of that. “Why do you think she didn’t resist?”

“No self-defense wounds on the hands or arms. At least, not that I can see.”

“Mm. Your guys get pictures?”

“Not yet.” Trish smiles wryly. “Chief wanted you to see it first. It’s why Dante’s giving those two a lashing, though he’s just shooting the messengers at this point.”

“Right.” Standing, Lir peels off her gloves and drops them into the bag Trish holds out to her. “Guess I should go save ‘em.”

“Good luck.”

Lir snorts as she turns. On first sight, she’s already unimpressed with the so-called Dante. He’s handsome, sure, model or film star handsome even, with his straight nose and strong jaw dusted with a five o’clock shadow, but he’s dressed like a detective from a noir novel: pinstripe trousers and a matching vest, a red tie, white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms, brown Oxfords polished to a dull shine. The only things that break the illusion that he’s stepped off the silver screen are the watch at his wrist, the gleaming handcuffs clipped to the back of his belt, the radio at his hip, and the Beretta in its holster next to the radio. She more than half expects him to pull out a flask from somewhere and take a swig mid-tirade, but the only time he pauses is to draw in a breath.

“—how the hell he expects us to carry out an investigation when he’s waiting on some country bumpkin—” “Howdy,” Lir drawls.

He whirls on her so fiercely that she instinctively rests her hand on the butt of her own gun, her pulse roaring into her ears. Dante seems to catch himself, straightening to his full height to scowl down to her, and she’s startled by the pale, frozen blue of his eyes. “You Detective Thorne?”

She shrugs. “Country bumpkin works, too.”

Dante doesn’t have the grace to look embarrassed that she overheard him. “I’m Detective Redgrave. Yes, like the city, no, I don’t give a shit. You done lookin’ at the body?”

“Sure.”

“You hear that, Trish?” Dante hollers. “Take her out.”

Behind her, she hears the telltale metallic clatter of a gurney being placed on the ground, followed by a bit of huffing, the rasp of a zipper, and more heavy breathing and the rustling of fabric. “Are you going to give me the details or am I going to guess?”

He barks a laugh. “Morrison sent you out here blind? Doesn’t surprise me. Sure, I’ll humor you.” With a grin that’s more mocking than genuine, he says, “Call came in at 7:45. Some poor schmuck takin’ out the trash found our body and had the decency to lose his breakfast outside of the crime scene before he called. No witnesses so far, no clothing, no I.D., just—” “What about the camera?” Lir points over her shoulder with her thumb.

“Can’t get to it until the owner shows up, which, according to his staff could be anytime between noon and midnight.”

“Alright. What do you need me to do?”

Dante considers her, that cruel smile still playing at his lips. “You want to help?” She nods. “Go keep those fuckers away.”

“The press?” His expression doesn’t slip, and she shakes her head. “That’s uniform work. Send them to—”

“Either deal with them or go home. I don’t have time to hold your hand.”

Just like that, he turns away in a clear dismissal. Lir stares at his broad back, her head throbbing from the night before and the rage that’s been building since she stepped into Morrison’s office: rage at the incompetence of her former chief, at the glares that had followed her once she entered the precinct, at Simmons’ earnest naivety, at whoever butchered a woman and left her in an alley like she was no better than the trash already there, at Dante himself. It’s familiar, and choking, the same burning that’s festered within her all her life with every snide, “Are you sure you can handle that? Wouldn’t you rather answer phones and let the men handle the rest?”

Instead of giving into her urge to punch him in his smug mouth, she inhales deeply and holds it until spots dance in her vision. Then she exhales and heads towards the bright yellow tape and, beyond it, the reporters and photographers craning their necks to get a look at the violence that’s visited their city. Two steps, and cold fingers curl around her wrist, sending numbness crawling along her skin from where they touch. Lir closes her eyes, counting to ten, and then she pulls free. Only on the other side of the tape does she look back, and the sight of a woman in a red dress with pale hair staring back at her sadly, her lips moving soundlessly, is exactly what she expected. Definitely getting a drink, she muses.

The reporters are no different from the ones Lir dealt with in Fortuna, just more persistent. She repeats the phrase, “No comment,” so many times that it begins to lose meaning to her, until a uniform comes to relieve her and she’s able to hail a taxi. But she doesn’t go back to work straight away. The cabbie drops her at a liquor store, waiting at the curb while she hurries in to buy a mini bottle of vodka and hurries back out, and she cracks it open and takes it like a shot, stowing the empty bottle in her pocket as they reach the precinct. Lir tips him double, then heads inside, and the bustling and noise is so at odds with the sullen silence of only hours ago that she nearly stops in her tracks. It’s only force of will that keeps her moving to the stairs in the back and up them, to where her desk sits just outside of Morrison’s office.

Dante is seated at the desk across from hers, a phone clamped between his face and shoulder while he writes on a notepad. Lir waits until he hangs up to say, “You’re an ass.”

“Been called worse,” he replies distractedly. “Trish’s report get in yet?”

“Not in my inbox. You got a problem with me?”

“No offense, sweetheart, but city crime is different from country crime.”

“I’m from Fortuna. Not the mountains.”

“Uh-huh. I’m sure you dealt with a lot of purse snatching.”

Lir bristles. “Listen, jackass—”

“Go see Trish. See if she’s got a report yet or not.”

Her mouth hangs open. Then she stands, slamming her chair back into her desk loudly enough that Morrison looks out from his office with a frown, and stalks back the way she’d come, heading for the elevators. On one hand, she understands Dante’s shit attitude; she’s new to Red Grave, new to their force. On the other, she transferred from Homicide to Homicide, and there were enough of them in Fortuna that the sight of another isn’t going to send her running, and he’s a sour bastard with a chip on his shoulder who probably thinks he can do nothing wrong and his word is law. Which she’s only proving, she realizes, running his errands for him, and she jabs irritably at the button that will take her to the basement and the morgue. Next time he demands she do something, she’s going to tell him right where he can shove it. In the back of her mind, however, disappointment is bitter. So much, she thinks, for a fresh start.

#dmc #devil may cry #dmc dante #dante #dante sparda #dmc oc #lirael thorne #lir #dmc fanfic #dmc fanfiction #writing #story #myfic #wires #dmcweek #dmcweek2020 #holy shit i'm so nervous for this lol #i've been working on it for over a month

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thebiasrekkers · 4 years

Text

Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Plot: “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: Series | Mafia!AU | Crime!AU | Angst | Romance/Fluff

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC

Warnings: Graphic Violence, Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Previous Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || Admin E’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 2,163

Tag List: @prisczero, @pinkpjmin, @btsaudge, @flowerwrites06, @unoriginal-username15432, @halussali

CHAPTER 36: SAVE ME

“I want to breathe, I hate this night. I want to wake up, I hate this dream.”

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

When she saw Min Yoongi being wheeled into the hospital’s emergency room, Raelyn pulled herself away from her assigned task almost immediately. Her heart hammered heavily against her chest and her forehead broke out into a cold sweat. She couldn’t hear the people calling her name and she blindly began digging through her pockets for her cell phone.

Did any of the others know what was happening?

Because she wasn’t his assigned nurse, there was no way for her to be directly involved in his treatment. Half an hour later, she was handed a coffee by one of her co-workers as they attempted to quell her concerns. They didn’t know what her connection with the patient was, but Raelyn knew not to open her mouth. The less they knew, the better. Everyone was better off that way.

Raelyn wanted to call Hoseok on instinct. She stopped herself, swallowing the heavy lump in her throat. Instead, she called Taehyung. He did his best to get her nerves to settle, telling her that it would take an act of some deity to pull Min Yoongi into his grave. He was just that stubborn. This got her to laugh a little and she sighed, feeling a little better than she had a few minutes earlier. Unfortunately, Taehyung was in Osan and wouldn’t be back in Seoul until later that afternoon. However, he did promise that he’d get one of the guys over to the hospital when Yoongi was cleared for discharge.

Her friend and fellow nurse, Seyeong, approached her just as she hung up with Taehyung. “Raelyn-ssi,” she called softly as Raelyn slipped her phone into her pocket, “are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, though she didn’t feel it, “how is he doing?”

“It was fatigue mixed with an anxiety attack.” Raelyn’s brows furrowed as Seyeong continued. “He experienced some shock, but he’s stabilized and resting.”

“That’s good.”

It was the only thing that Raelyn could say without falling apart herself. She nodded her head at the appropriate moments when Seyeong explained his condition, but the woman wasn’t really listening. There were too many other things filling her head. Mostly questions that she knew she wouldn’t be getting the answers to anytime soon.

Why the hell does this keep happening?

Once she was left alone, Raelyn unconsciously bit her thumbnail as her eyes narrowed. This was crazy. Anyone would think this was crazy. Who would go out of their way to bring someone back into the fold when it was obvious that they were competition? Wasn’t it normal to want to wipe out any obstacles that would potentially stand in a person’s way, no matter what avenue it was in reference to?

While a more twisted and jaded side of Raelyn could understand the thrill of wanting to taunt and torment an opponent, this seemed just shy of overkill. Yoongi was in the hospital because something shook him to the point of falling out. That or he was stressed and doing a terrible job of burying it down inside of himself. She hadn’t wanted to bother him with twenty questions, allowing him time to relax and to put whatever disturbed him out of his mind if even for a moment.

She toyed with the idea of calling Eden, but after the altercation she had with Yoongi at the hospital last time, she decided against it. The two of them would just wind up arguing about why he was in the hospital in the first place. Both of them would stroke out before either of them was able to get a word in edgewise.

Sighing, Raelyn angrily began scratching at the back of her head. No. This wasn’t going to work. She had to get the answers straight from Yoongi himself. Taehyung was sweet, but he always tried to cover things up as best he could. Mostly because he knew how much their old life stressed Raelyn out. They were supposed to be finished with that life and things continued to seemingly spiral out of control.

Making her way toward Yoongi’s room, she looked over his chart to see what medication they were giving him. It was a mild sedative, enough to get him to relax and maybe help him sleep. Who knew how long he’d been doing things without sleeping at this rate? Once she was able to ascertain that it was the proper dosage, she quietly slipped inside.

It took her a minute for her sight to adjust to the low light of the room provided by a small lamp. The ECG monitor beeped steadily, his heart rate normal and showing that he was, indeed, resting. Raelyn closed the door quietly behind her, the latch catching with a soft click. There was a humidifier by his bedside and his attendants seemed to have adjusted his bed so that he was sitting up as he slept.

She sighed again. Okay, maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.

As someone in the medical field, the last thing she wanted to do was pull someone out of the comfort of sleep.

Raelyn turned slowly, intent on leaving the room, when she heard movement behind her. Her hand froze, hovering just above the doorknob.

“Raelyn-ah,” he heard Yoongi grunt. She turned around to see him sitting up full, the blankets shifting around in his lap as he did so.

She turned back around to face him. “Did I wake you?”

“Who can sleep when you exist so loudly?”

Raelyn frowned, unsure of what to make of that statement. Yoongi’s wistful smirk, however, showed that he was merely teasing. She crossed the room, plopping down into a nearby chair as he pressed a hand to his forehead. She noticed the look of disapproval on his face at the IV attached to his arm. When Yoongi attempted to remove it, Raelyn smacked his wrist on reflex.

“Don’t even think about pulling that out until you’ve been discharged,” she snapped, giving him a warning glare which he huffed at.

The two of them sat in silence – both probably processing the moment shared between them. It wasn’t often that Raelyn spent time with Yoongi alone. When Hoseok and she were still together, she interacted with all the other boys – lower and upper tiered alike. But rarely was she allotted alone time with any member as an individual. In fact, she felt she’d gotten to know them better when she was no longer the boss’s girl. The title came with its privileges, sure, but that also meant she was placed on a glass pedestal that she felt would shatter at any given moment.

Truth be told, she always felt Yoongi disliked her; for reasons completely all his own. On the flip side, she never really tried to bridge the gap between them either. Yoongi kept to himself, busy moving in and out of the thick of things alongside Jungkook. He never once hinted that he knew any of Raelyn’s friends, let alone that he was even dating Eden back then. Then again, she’d kept her own connection to the Golden Jackals a secret herself.

Now that everything was out in the open, Raelyn wondered where the time had gone.

“Yoongi-ah,” she murmured while looking at him. He raised a brow, silencing urging her to continue. “What happened?”

For a long while, all Yoongi did was stare at her; as if he was mentally cracking the cogs in his head to determine how to best answer the question. He blinked a few times, brushing his hair out of his eyes before folding his arms across his chest.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself over,” he answered simply, causing the muscle near Raelyn’s jaw to pulse angrily.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me, Min Yoongi?” Raelyn’s voice went up an octave as she rose from her chair. He followed her with his eyes. “You are now the third person connected to me in some way to wind up in the fuckin’ hospital! Why should I not be concerned about this?”

Yoongi frowned. “Because there isn’t a single thing you can do about it.” The directness of the statement was like a punch to her gut, causing her to take a step back. His expression was icy and so was his tone. “Telling you what happened won’t change anything, so why bother?”

Raelyn felt her heart sink to the bottom of her stomach and she fell into the chair, semi-defeated. Why was he the second person to seemingly knock the wind out of her sails? What was so damn heavy that they felt the need to try and chase her off like none of this mattered? Raelyn clenched her jaw, furious at being dismissed in such a way.

“Listen up,” she said, her ire bubbling near the surface, “there is only so much that you guys can do to keep us in the dark. We’re going to find out eventually.”

He scoffed as he cut his eyes at her. “You find out and then what? Huh?” Raelyn blinked, unsure of what he was getting at. “You’re either going to get caught up in this nonsense until it settles, or you’ll turn tail and run. Those are pretty much your only options.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but found she couldn’t find the right words to throw back at him. Didn’t she have a rebuttal for this? She normally did. In this instance, however, Yoongi seemed to knock the fight right out of her.

“So, I guess the only real question you should be asking yourself now,” he broached, causing her to meet his gaze, “is how long do you plan on sticking around this time?”

Even though Yoongi was a few feet away from her, when he leaned forward, Raelyn instinctively leaned back in her chair.

“Because I can tell you right now that things aren’t going to be pretty. Not for a while.”

Raelyn’s vision began to swim momentarily. It was like she was hearing Jimin’s words all over again. They held a different tone, but the implication was still there. Each of them were telling her to make a choice. Even Taehyung had asked her to believe in her, to have faith that she wouldn’t be left alone. She wanted to believe him. There wasn’t a reason for her not to. They’d proven time and again that they were steadfast and willing to walk the hard road together – side by side.

So why was she so afraid to walk with them?

“I don’t know what’s going to happen from today on,” he said, cutting through her thoughts, “and I don’t want to think about it. I tried to keep Eden as far away from this nonsense as possible and she still managed to stumble her way into this shit.”

Relieved that the pressure was off her, even for a moment, allowed Raelyn the chance to regain her voice. “That is her choice, Yoongi-ah. You tried to take it from her once already. She’s a grown ass woman and can make her own decisions.”

He rolled his eyes, averting his gaze to stare at his phone on the nightstand by the bed. It vibrated relentlessly as Jungkook’s name flashed across the screen. Neither of them made a move to answer it.

“Yeah, well,” he finally said after the phone stopped buzzing, “she’s made that clear enough. I don’t need you to remind me of that.”

Raelyn narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t let your own regrets get in the way of other people’s progress.”

There was a flash of anger that danced over Yoongi’s gaze as his eye-line met hers. She didn’t waver, despite how scary he appeared at that moment.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m not stupid and I’m not blind,” she said, pushing her glasses up along the bridge of her nose. Raelyn’s arms folded across her chest slowly. “You may have messed things up with her, but that doesn’t mean Jungkook will.”

“Raelyn…” Yoongi growled out her name in warning but she didn’t heed it.

“Their relationship has nothing to do with you.”

“Jungkook is my brother!” he bellowed, causing her shoulders to tense up slightly.

She took a breath. “Stop using him as an excuse.”

Raelyn knew she was treading on dangerous ground, but this was something she’d been wanting to say to Yoongi for a while. Ever since she found out that he was the Yoongi who’d broken her best friend’s heart.

“Eden is choosing to stay by Jungkook’s side. After everything that’s happened, she’s making the choice for herself. Something you never took the chance on.”

Rising from the chair, she could feel Yoongi’s eyes following her. “And you’re right about one thing, Yoongi-ah.” Taking a moment to look over his monitors, she let her gaze linger on his for a moment longer before making her way toward the door. “It’s time I made a choice of my own.”

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lejoursdor · 3 years

Text

I feel so fucking violated.

For the last few weeks my landlord has been harassing me - passive aggressively texting me about things that could and should be taken care of after a single conversation but instead were drawn out through multiple, long, inappropriate (not to mention rude) texts at ALL hours of the day (including 3 different instances between 2-4 AM). I have had to put my phone on DND just so I could get some sleep/peace of mind at night because I have been having sleeping problems for MONTHS due to my autoimmune disease/fibromyalgia and most recently good ol’ fashion insomnia.

I thought this morning the whole situation was finally over and that I could finally move on and focus on centering my self and nothing else today. I was unexpectedly forced to go off my depression/anxiety meds due to issues with my insurance and have been working HARD for the last month to monitor and work through the side effects that stopping that kind of medication can cause. Luckily, I had started back on birth control a month or so prior so my hormones were already in the process of getting regulated so it hasn’t been THAT bad. I only had maybe 2 days where things were scary/alarming. But otherwise it has been okay considering. A lot of bursting into tears and taking much longer to bounce back from negativity entering my life (AKA: my landlord) but I’ve been praying no sort of suicidal tendencies/ideations spring up but so far okay but I’m still on high alert just in case.

So since this drama was seemingly over and she would have literally NO REASON to contact me, at least for the day - I decided I would make today a ME day. To try to get me back on track as much as possible. I went to the pharmacy to try to straighten out some stuff with my meds but there was a setback and it’s gonna be a little bit trickier for me to get back on my anxiety/depression meds than previously thought. But I wasn’t feeling defeated so I switched gears and chose to decompress and get all the bad energy out. Maybe after 30 mins of leaving my place, I come back from the pharmacy to check my phone and i have two texts from her about the electricity temporarily being turned off & some other unimportant shit. Quickly texted that I wasn't home yada yada didn’t care byeeee.

Shortly after I started to drive around aimlessly and listen to music. I drove through my high school best friend’s old neighborhood, by her old house and down the street to the park we used to always go to. I parked and sat there in my car for maybe 45 minutes. Just thinking of what my life has been for the last 15 years since I first went to that park. That no matter how many years have past, I still feel everything from back then, I still feel her. That I will always love and miss who she was in that snapshot in time even though I know she is no longer that person, without even having to know who she is now. That this void that she left can never be filled again, not even by her because that person, the person that I formed quite possibly the closest bond I’ve ever made - is gone. She’s so gone, she may as well have died. It happens and is a part of life and I’ve long since accepted it but that doesn't mean it doesn’t still break my heart.

After the park I made my way to the city where my mother grew up and unintentionally ended up in the neighborhood of my grandmother’s old house. Maybe I wasn’t cognizant of what I was doing in the moment but maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I purposely led myself there. As soon as I saw the sign for Kelley Ave. i immedietely started tearing up and I just needed to see the house. Even if it doesn’t look the same, even if someone else lives there now. I drove by and it set off a bunch of emotions at once. Every couple of years I hit this point where i really miss her. The last time it was like this was my 25th birthday that I ended up spending alone. On my way home it was like a dam had burst and I couldn’t stop crying. I got home and decided I would take the rest of the afternoon to go for a walk, focus on getting through my emotions in peace. I walked to a park not too far. I ended up laying down, listening to music and bawling my eyes out. I started running all these memories of her through my mind. I wouldn’t say I came to the realization but in reflecting on the last 15 years it’s become glaringly apparent that the only safe space I’ve ever had was with her, in that house. Not the one I grew up in and definitely not where I am now. I kept trying to imagine what it would be like for 31 year old me to be able to show up at her house, walk through the door, into her kitchen, straight towards the sun soaked living room where she would be sitting in front of the glass coffee table like she always was. She’d probably be writing on napkins in Japanese, with the TV on, not watching what was on. I would sit down next to her and hug her and she would hug me back and tap my shoulder and say “Hi Chantel.” like she used to, in her strong accent, with her warm smile. And we would sit next to each other in comfortable silence like we always did and I would watch her as she scrawled her native language on leftover McDonald’s napkins. My grandmother was and still is the only family member of mine that I was ever allowed to be myself in her presence. Maybe it was a cultural thing, it just never crossed her mind that I needed to change/fit a particular mold because it wasn’t an idealogy she was familiar with, unlike my ant’s, parents, uncle’s etc. We had a great relationship, I was her first grandchild and I know that had a lot to do with it. I knew her relationship with my mom and my ant’s/uncle’s were more complicated, so not everyone has the same feelings about her as I do. But I was her favorite and she was mine and it is the only time I have ever been anyone’s favorite. She died when I was 14, she’s been gone for basically half my life now but I still would give anything to see her now and I don’t think I will ever get used to her being gone, no matter how long. All I want is to be next to her, we don’t even need to talk, I just want her to be able to be here now. I miss her so much, all I want is the chance to be with her again...

After an hour or so I walked back and started to feel a little better. Maybe not better but felt like I was able to let a lot out. All I wanted to do was go home, wind down and salvage the rest of the day and indulge in much needed self care. Where I currently stay, I have my own separate entrance attached to the main house but in order to get to my entrance I have to pass by the front of the house which currently has one of those doorbell’s with a camera attached that alerts people on their phone when there is any movement. I unlock my door and get inside. I literally put my keys, phone etc down and maybe 5 seconds pass since I’ve gotten inside and a text pops up from my landlord.

“Nothing like fresh air for the soul! Hope your feeling better. I have good and bad days too!”

I think this is the only moment I've ever wanted to murder someone.

I just came back from spending two hours mourning my dead grandmother, after a day filled with repressed emotions coming to the surface due to an awful few weeks (mostly due to my landlord) and I can't even come home with the expectation that I wouldn’t be bothered by her for the rest of the night.

Today was just not the day.

Not the time, place or her business.

I feel like I have no peace anymore, the little I was able to grasp on to.

She has stolen it from me with her unchecked neurosis, constantly invading common boundaries.

I’m at my wits end, truly. And I’m not sure what to do.

AND GODDAMN. I CAN’T EVEN FINISH THIS FUCKING POST WITHOUT MY PHONE NOTIFYING ME I’VE GOTTEN A TEXT FROM HER.

GTHGTYYJ$%$%$$#$#!@@@@!!!

(Insert the dog surrounded by fire “I’m fine” meme)

Singing off with whatever’s left of my sanity.

xx.

#Blog post #Journal #Vent #Blog #Journaling #Mental Health #Anxiety #Depression #Boundaries #Loss #Death #Personal

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marshmallow-phd · 5 years

Text

Secret in His Eyes

Spinoff of Sins of the Father

Genre: Mafia Au

Pairing: Luhan x Reader

Summary: A vacation exploring China’s famous city was supposed to be relaxing. When you witness a horrifying murder, you instead find yourself in police custody, unable to run. Trying to stay alive, you meet Luhan, and you believe you can trust him. You never imagined that he might be the one you should be running from.

Part: Prologue I 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I Final

“This is getting ridiculous!” Tao screeched, throwing the file he had in his hand so the papers went flying through the air. Their flat surface, however, caused them to fall slowly through the air, fluttering down like oversized snowflakes. A much calmer reaction to Tao’s outburst.

Luhan was barely paying attention. His eyes were trained on the monitor of his computer. From the camera that was set up in your room, he could see your every move. Not that you did much of that.

Like a good little prisoner, you stayed in your room, only venturing out to grab a meal from the kitchen. The room had its own private bathroom, so there wasn’t any other reason for you to leave other than pure curiosity. And Luhan was impressed at your ability to suppress your own inquisitive urges. If he was left in a room in a giant mansion where the door was unlocked, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop himself from exploring.

It was kind of saddening, the way you’d resigned yourself to your current circumstances. The whole thing sort of reminded Luhan of an abandoned puppy left out in the rain. A single heartstring he didn’t know he still possessed was being tugged on. And it bothered him. He’d been watching you do nothing but read the books Yixing dropped off for you for the past three days. It was driving him crazy. He could only imagine how you were doing.

“Hello? Luhan!”

“What!” Irritated, Luhan minimized the window, cutting you off from his vision before turning in his chair.

Tao rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to talk to you about another shipment being seized by the police and you’re busy gawking at the girl.”

“I was not gawking!” Luhan yelled back.

“You kind of were,” Kris smirked from the couch. His eyes didn’t leave the Bazaar magazine he was flipping through so how the hell would he know?

“I’m just making sure that she’s staying where she’s supposed to.”

A snicker was very apparent underneath Tao’s tone as he pointed out, “If she hasn’t tried to sneak out by now, I doubt she will.”

Annoyed and going a little stir crazy himself, Luhan pushed off from the desk and stood up. Heading for the door, he almost made it out of the office, before-

“Where are you going?” Kris got up from the couch, tossing the magazine off to the side.

Biting back a groan, Luhan looked over his shoulder at his partners, only slightly fibbing, “Whoever killed Xiaofei is connected to whoever keeps interfering with our business. I have a hunch that it leads back to the police station since they’re mainly the ones who keep busting our deals. I’m just going to see it out.”

Kris nodding, that rare thoughtful look scrunching his face. “Good luck, then. Let us know if you find anything out.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll keep you posted.” Luhan got out of there before he could be interrogated anymore. Because while he was telling the truth in regards to what he planned on doing, he wasn’t going alone.

These past few days had been the slowest kind of torture. The kind that wasn’t painful to the body, but to the mind. Rest never came from this kind of endless torment, not even in your dreams. All day, you were forced to wonder what would happen to you. The only person you had interacted with was the doctor when he came to drop a few books off to keep yourself occupied, but he didn’t know or didn’t want to tell you what was in store for your future. As thankful as you were for the momentary distractions the novels gave, your mind could only concentrate on the words for so long before it wandered back into the mystery of your surroundings.

You just wanted answers. Lin said they wouldn’t kill you, but could you entirely believe that? These were most certainly the kind of people who could change their mind in a split second and not think twice about pulling the trigger.

Sighing to yourself for hundredth time, you wrapped your arms around your bended legs and rested your forehead on your thighs. You simply wanted out of here. You wanted to remember what the sky looked like, what the air tasted of, what the sound of other people bombarding your ears was like. Isolation was only welcoming when it was by choice.

Knock, knock, knock.

Sliding off the bed, you walked over to the door fully expecting Yixing to be standing on the other side. When it turned out to be Lin, you frowned. “You know how to knock?”

“Now that’s just rude.” Lin gave you a once over, as if he had any right to judge your clothes.

The morning after your little fainting incident, there was a pile of clothes folded neatly just inside the door. A small gesture that you were thankful for given how gross your old clothes were starting to get – after you got over the fact that someone entered the room while you were asleep, that is. But you didn’t really think Lin had a right to judge your appearance since you didn’t pick out the articles yourself. Sure, the clothes fit alright, but they still weren’t yours.

Lin motioned over his shoulder with his head. “That’s decent enough. Come on.”

You stayed planted where you were, completely untrusting. “Where are we going?”

Already exasperated, Lin huffed, explaining, “We’re going to stake out the police station, see if you recognize anyone as the killer.”

“First of all, I already told you I didn’t see his face. Second of all, what if someone there recognizes me?”

Apparently, pointing out the logical flaws in his plan just made Lin even more annoyed with you. He rolled eyes so far you wondered if they might get stuck back there before reappearing, staring straight at you. “The windows of my car so tinted that they wouldn’t be able to tell how many people are even inside. And second of all, I sent one of my men ahead to plant a bug, so you’ll be listening not watching.”

Okay…. Even with that little explanation, you were still confused, but you stepped out of the room anyway, shutting the door before following him down the hall. “If there’s a bug, then why do we have to go to the station?”

“It’s a short range bug,” Lin grumbled. “We have to be close to pick up the signal, keeps anyone from accidentally stumbling across it.”

“So, then why are you taking me with you?” you asked. It seemed a bit dumb to you to take the police where you could easily get back to safety.

Your questions made Lin snap. “Do you want to go back into that room forever?”

You shrank back at his outburst, more fearful than ever at the fire in his eyes. You really needed to learn to pick your battles and squash your curiosity. “Sorry.”

Running his hand through his hair, Lin shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. That was… dumb. I should have just explained in the first place. But as I told you earlier, you’re the only one who can lead us to the killer. Whoever he works for is interfering with our business and I- I mean, the bosses are getting antsy about it. If our shipments keep getting intercepted and our men get killed, a lot of people are going to lose their livelihoods.”

Keeping your mouth shut about how those people should have decided to be involved in work that was a bit more legal was the hardest thing you’d done within the past few weeks. You might have even drawn blood with how hard you were biting down on your cheek. What they did with their lives was none of your business. You didn’t know what brought them to this dark underworld so who were you to judge?

“What?” Lin teased. “No sassy comment this time?”

You scoffed as you stepped inside what seemed to be a very large garage attached to the side of the house. “Don’t presume to know me.”

“I believe there’s an English expression about a pot calling the kettle a name?” Lin rounded a black, two-door sports car that had windows so dark they practically blended in with the paint job.

Ignoring his rather good comeback, you eyed the vehicle, pointing to the windows. “Is that even legal?”

“Haven’t gotten a ticket yet.” Lin jumped into the driver’s seat, roaring the engine to life. Surprisingly, he waited patiently for you get into the car so the two of you could leave. With no other choice, you opened the door and slid inside.

It was an odd situation to be in. You weren’t handcuffed or held at knife point or coerced in any serious way to tag along for this mission. Like an obedient dog, he said come and you came. Granted, he was basically dangling an irritable steak in front of your face. No, this wasn’t quite true freedom, but you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face as the trees blurred by you, giving way for homes and then businesses until you were fully immersed into the city once again.

Your cheeks were hurting, no longer used to the action of smiling occurring within your facial muscles. The car swerved suddenly before shifting back into place. When you looked over at Lin, he shrugged, keeping his eyes on the horizon.

“There was a dog in the road.”

Uh-huh.

Shaking your head, you turned back to the window. So many people were milling about, going on with their lives, unaware of little you in the passenger seat, being driven around by a gang member. And how could they know? They had no idea of your existence and that had to be a very blissful ignorance.

Lin pulled over and parked the car along the sidewalk while giving a perfect view of the police station on the opposite corner. He fiddled with his phone along with the buttons on the radio until multiple voices started coming through the speakers loud and clear.

“Okay,” he turned to you with a serious expression, “I need you to listen carefully, see if you recognize any of the voices.”

You nodded nervously. At first, everything was just garbled nonsense. It was hard to discern one voice from another, especially given the language barrier. Not to mention they were all basically male voices from what you could tell. Similar tones that were hard to separate out.

“Anyone?” Lin asked hopefully after ten or so minutes.

Leaning back in the seat, defeated, you shook your head. “No, I’m sorry.”

Lin said something sharply in his mother tongue – you suspected it was a curse word given the indentions in his voice, but you were too afraid to ask.

“Well, we just got here,” you pointed out. “Maybe I’ll- wait!”

“What?”

“Shh!”

Lin’s jaw dropped at your boldness. “Excuse-”

You pointed to the radio and turned the volume up, making him shut up immediately. Because it wasn’t any of the male voices that you recognized.

It was Detective Zhuang. You couldn’t understand a word she was saying, but a strange comfort washed over you. She was the person you felt was on your side through all of this. The urge to run inside where she would protect you was strong, but you fought it. You didn’t want to put anyone else in unnecessary danger.

Lin’s eyes flickered back and forth between you and the radio before he switched it off and threw the car in drive. Deep, harsh lines were forming on his face as his frown deepened.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you questioned, “What was that about?”

“You said the killer was a man,” he growled, eyes never leaving the road. “So what if you recognize the lead detective’s voice? She wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger. She was just the one who took your statement. That’s not useful.”

He had a very valid point. You simply became a little overexcited at hearing a familiar, friendly voice for once.

Believing your adventure into the outside world to be over, you closed your eyes and leaned your forehead against the cool glass of the window. Your mind wandered through random paths. You wondered if Shishi was alright and if she’d ever learned of what happened to you that night. Your family appeared, too. They had to be worried why you never got off the plane, why you hadn’t come home yet. Would you ever make it back?

When the car came to a full stop again and Lin had turned off the engine, you opened your eyes, confused. The ride back was much shorter than the ride in. Had you fallen asleep?

But as you straightened up and looked around, it was obvious that you were still within the city limits. The neighborhood you’d arrived at was a little more run down, not as modern as downtown, remnants of the old way of life still present in the buildings and people milling about. No one stared at the flashy, high-end car that clearly didn’t belong there. Everyone minded their own business as if it was something they saw every day.

You looked over at Lin, who was already unbuckling his seat belt and getting out of the car. “What are we doing here?”

“I’m hungry. Come on.”

He didn’t even bother to see if you were following him before he slipped inside a tiny door and into an equally tiny restaurant. Through the window you could see him greet the ancient owner with a respectful bow. Once he was upright again, the old lady pulled Lin in for a hug. What that his grandmother?

Through the dusty window, Lin motioned for you to join him with his finger. Rolling your eyes, you undid your seatbelt and went inside.

Your babysitter was already sitting at a table, eyes scanning over a worn paper menu aimlessly. Every character was in simplified Chinese and no pictures gave you a clue as to what some of the dishes were.

“I already ordered for us,” Lin declared as you took the chair across from him. “You’ll like it. Trust me. None of those big fancy restaurants can compete with the real thing here.”

You pulled your eyebrows together, unsure of how to read this situation. “What are you doing, exactly?”

Picking up the wooden chopsticks laying on his side of the small square table, Lin inspected the utensil as if that was much more interesting than conversing with you. “Waiting for food. I told you, I’m hungry. I didn’t feel like making anything back at the house and I was sick of watching you eat nothing but sandwiches.”

Watching…? “Have you been spying on me?”

Lin tossed the chopstick down and leaned back in his chair so his elbow was resting on the back. “No, I haven’t been spying. But it’s my job to watch you. Especially when you leave the room. Thanks for making that easy, by the way. Only going to the kitchen to make another sandwich and back to your room.”

You pursed your lips. The only reason you kept with that type of meal was because it was quick and easy, leaving very little chance of running into someone you really didn’t want to. Even though staying within those four walls constantly was driving you mad, being outside of your room made you anxious. But you didn’t want to admit again that you were scared, so you shrugged instead. “It’s just food.”

“Plain, boring food. I’m going to show you what a meal looks like.”

“And you won’t get in trouble for this?” Why you even cared about him getting in trouble was beyond you. Why should you be worried if his bosses would yell at him for buying you a meal or taking his time out in the city? It couldn’t be because he was being somewhat nice to you, could it? Lin’s back and forth personality was frustrating to you. After that first day, you could have sworn he thought of you as nothing more than pawn, a tool that he had to put up with for the time being. But now he was treating you like an actual human being.

Lin laughed like the idea of being reprimanded was a nice joke. “Why would I get in trouble?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” you replied sarcastically, a little put off by his attitude once again. “Maybe because you left me in the car where I could have easily run away?”

While you thought you’d cornered him, Lin just smirked as he took a sip of water. “You wouldn’t have gotten far. When you were passed out, Yixing put a tracker in you.”

“Are you serious?” Frantically, you started searching your body for any sign of the entry point.

Lin was thrown into a laughing fit. His mouth was open wide with how funny he thought he was that his chin looked dislocated. Infuriated, you threw a balled up napkin at his face. It landed right on his nose, but he went on, unfazed.

“Yixing would never do that even if I held a gun to his head,” Lin told you as his finally got himself under control. “Human rights and things like that.”

He could actually refuse? You shook your head. “I don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“The hierarchy, I guess?” You weren’t sure how to phrase it. Obviously, there had to be some sort of ranking to keep everyone in line, right?

“The hierarchy?” he echoed. “Between me and Yixing?” You nodded. Lin leaned forward so his arms were resting on the table. “There isn’t, really. Yixing isn’t in the… group. Not anymore. Now he’s just a good friend. He’s just here visiting and can’t help but have a bleeding heart for anyone with a cold.”

“Why isn’t he in the group anymore?” you asked innocently.

Right then, the old lady came back with the food that Lin had ordered. After putting the bowls of noodles and sauce-covered meats down on the table, she patted Lin’s head and walked away. The way he dove right in told you that he wasn’t going to reveal the reason the doctor was no longer in their little club.

It was a bit weird to see the owner be so friendly with the kind of person that most ordinary people would steer clear from. Actually, it was kind of… sweet.

You took a few bites of the chicken in front of you, your mouth watering as the tangy delicious flavor hit your tongue. Your stomach was practically begging for more.

“Good?” Lin asked. Since your mouth was fully, you nodded happily. A smile spread across his own lips. “Good. I’m glad.”

His inquire and satisfaction with your reply suddenly made you feel a bit awkward. You cleared your throat to try and chase it away. “So, is she your grandmother?”

Lin chuckled and shook his head. “No. She’s just someone I helped out a while back.”

“Helped out?” Please don’t say you killed someone for her.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “She was about to get thrown out of here because she was so behind on rent. It’s not just her business, though. She lives upstairs. So, I bought the place from the original owner.”

“Ah,” you nodded, understanding. “And that makes you the owner now?”

“Nope.”

You blinked. “But you just said-”

“I gave the place to her.”

You were stunned. Lin just kept on eating as if he’d something simple like the sky was blue or birds had feathers. “That, um,” you swallowed thickly, still processing to fit together what he told you with the previous image of gangsters you had painted in your prejudiced head. “That was very sweet of you.”

He shrugged, going back to the meal. “We’re not all guns and violence. Not all the time. Besides, I like the food here. Finding a new place with good food is a hassle.”

It almost too easy to see right through that last part. He was playing it off too much. Even with your harsh picture of him that you’d contrived on the first meeting, you could tell that he did it out of simple kindness.

The more you thought you were figuring this man out, the more of a mystery he became. There were so many facets of his character that you were constantly being proven wrong or shown another side. In the last hour alone, he’d made you smile, teased you, and given you a small amount of trust.

Just who was this man sitting across from you?

#exo #exo mafia au #exo mafia!au #luhan x reader #luhan #lu han #kris wu #wu yifan #Huang zitao #z.tao #tao #zhang yixing #lay #exo gang au #exo gang!au #exo series #Secret in His Eyes

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random2908 · 4 years

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States of matter

The states of matter. Let’s start with the simplest.

Gas

A gas is when you have a bunch of atoms (or molecules, which are just atoms stuck together so tight you can treat them as one thing) all kinda flying around and doing their own thing. The bounce off each other, they bounce off walls, they do whatever. They get anywhere they can, just by bouncing around. If you have a container and you let loose some atoms in a gaseous state, they will diffuse (through moving around and bouncing off each other and the walls) to fill the whole container. Probably pretty fast, although the speed at which they do it depends on their temperature. Any state of matter that spreads to fill its container (as far as gravity will let it, that is) is called a “fluid” so gas is a type of fluid. Fun gas facts: “the speed of sound” is the average speed at which the atoms/molecules in a gas are moving around relative to each other. “Temperature” is that same average speed, squared, multiplied by some constants. Gases are BY FAR the most common state of matter, because it’s what interstellar dust is doing. But also our atmosphere, clouds, smoke, lots of things. Sometimes other states of matter (that I’ll get into later in the post), like plasmas or degenerate quantum... stuff, are sometimes treated as special cases of gases rather than their own phases.

Liquid

This is sort of the most confusing and ill-defined state of matter--especially among the normal ones--and if you ask a physicist or a chemist to define it, they’ll usually talk themselves in circles and never give you a usable answer. Best I can tell is it’s like a gas but it has surface tension, meaning it’ll tend to stick together in droplets rather than completely dispersing. Another definition, unlike a gas, there’s some (usually weak) chemical interaction between the atoms or molecules of a liquid. That’s actually the more common definition, but if you use that definition it’s really hard to figure out a cutoff between a liquid and a gas, you can mostly just recognize the extremes of each.

Crystal

(Picture from Wikipedia. Look how ordered it is.)

A crystal is when you have a bunch of atoms all lined up neatly in a pattern, like repeating cubes, or repeating tetrahedra, or repeating hexagons, or things like that. Their chemical interactions keep them lined up and once they are lined up it tends to be pretty hard to misalign them. So a crystal has a lot of structural integrity. A lot of the things we think of as “solid” are crystals, or more often amalgamations of tiny crystals: most rocks, most metals, most ceramics, wood, a lot of plastics, bones, scar tissue, ice. Fun crystal “fact”: a theoretically perfect crystal spanning an entire universe would have no entropy.

If you want something that’s electrically conductive, choosing the right kind of crystal is your (second-) best bet. Because it’s one giant molecule, the electrons are shared among all the atoms in the entire thing, so within that molecule they can flow pretty well. (This is only true of certain crystals; in others the electrons really don’t flow much at all.)

Glass

(Picture from Wikipedia. The glass is the “amorphous” one on the right. The middle one is when you have lots of small crystals stuck together, which is what it’s like most of the time when you’re dealing with crystals.)

Most of the rest of the things we think of as solid are glass. A glass is a frozen liquid. (But note that, confusingly, when most liquids freeze all the way, they stop being liquids and order themselves into crystals instead--mostly they don’t become glass.) A liquid has a little bit of chemical interaction between its atoms or molecules. A glass has enough chemical interaction that the atoms or molecules within it can’t move. The difference between a liquid and a glass is pretty much just temperature--whether or not the temperature is high enough to partially overcome the chemical interaction. (If it’s high enough to entirely overcome the chemical interaction, it boils off into a gas. In fact, that’s what boiling means.) A lot of glasses will flow a little bit, fluid-like, over very long time scales, like years; it’s really continuum between a frozen glass, a nearly-frozen liquid like tar, a slow liquid like honey, and a fast liquid like vegetable oil. Unlike a crystal, and despite being solid, a glass is a complete mess on the inside, all the atoms in random places, reflecting its liquid origins. Examples of glass are silicate glass (including the clear stuff we usually just call “glass”, as well as obsidian and other volcanic glasses), some plastics, and asphalt.

Liquid Crystal

(Picture from Wikipedia. Notice how it’s all lining up on one axis but completely messed up and random on the other two.)

A liquid crystal is something where the molecules line up along one or two axes, but are completely free-flowing and random along the remaining axes. This means it sticks together in a line or a film but otherwise kind of flows freely like a fluid. An example of a liquid crystal is a cell membrane. A cell membrane, if you remember high school biology, is a phospholipid bilayer. There are two layers that mirror each other, with the lipid parts pointing inward toward each other, and the phospho- parts pointing outward toward whatever water or other phospho-junk they’re floating around in. This means that on one axis you have order: one molecule points down and then the next one points up, and then if you have a second bilayer (if you have stacks of cell membranes, like two cells right next to each other) the next one points down again and the one after that points up again. But the other two axes--that is, along the surface of your phosophlipids--is amorphous like a liquid, so there’s no even spacing or patterning between the molecules at all. Because liquid crystals have some ordering to them but also more or less flow freely, they have some weird optical properties in how they reflect and transmit polarized light, which is why they’re used in LCD screens. A lot of colloidal solutions (used in cosmetics, among other things) are also effectively liquid crystals, although literally what they are is solid (often crystalline) colloids suspended in a liquid.

Mixing states, or, soft solids

It’s worth noting that soft things are usually made of a combination of the various states we’ve already listed. For example, our skin and much of our tissue is tiny sacks of liquid crystal filled with liquid, stacked on an internal frame of crystalline bone. Butter is an amorphous mix of tiny crystals and tiny pockets of liquid--essentially a very dense colloidal mixture (but not a liquid crystal because the colloids, although tiny butterfat crystals themselves, have no order with respect to each other). Fibers are are wisps of crystal or glass that, being so much longer than they are thick, are bendable and therefore feel soft.

Plasma

(Image from Wikipedia again.)

Now we’re back to easy, non-complicated things! (At least as long as you don’t have to do the math yourself--plasma math can be hellish.) A plasma is a fluid (basically a gas, really) where at least some of the electrons aren’t stuck to their atoms anymore, but are just flying around on their own. Technically you can have a charged plasma that’s only or mostly electrons, or that’s only or mostly ionized atoms missing their electrons; or you can have a neutral plasma that has an even distribution of ions and electrons but they’re all kinda doing their own thing. In a neutral plasma, the even distribution of ions and electrons means that from far away, they appear electrically cancel each other out, but very close in they really don’t. (Unlike a gas, where they’re bound together so on any reasonable scale where you’re evaluating the state of matter rather than the individual atoms, they do cancel.) This means that even a neutral plasma is extremely reactive to electric and magnetic fields. You can make a plasma by heating it up so much that everything is flying so fast and colliding so hard the electrons get knocked off their atoms by the collisions (e.g. fire). Or you can make a plasma by exposing something to a really high voltage and intentionally pulling off the electrons (e.g. an electric discharge arc). Or you can even make a plasma by hitting a gas with just the right wavelength of light that the photons match the energy binding an electron to a nucleus, and so each photon pops an electron right off its atom (this is a lab technique but I don’t know of any real-world examples). Regardless of how they’re made, plasmas have a tendency to release light as the electrons attach back to their nuclei (often only to be quickly knocked back off again), so they tend to glow. Examples of plasmas include fire, lightning, stars, the discharge tubes that light up old CRT monitors, and neon lights.

I would consider plasma to be the last of the non-weird phases of matter. So, fair warning, the rest of this post is going to be much harder.

Degenerate quantum... Whatever

Ok, it was a struggle to decide what to put next, in what order, and how to group things. So let’s just group the degenerate quantum phases together, because the explanations of them are very tied together. Debatably they each comprise multiple states of matter, or--for degenerate Bose... stuff--even some phases of non-matter. This part is going to be pretty hard to explain. I’ve bolded different (sub?) states in my descriptions.

Have you all seen that Standard Model Zoo that lists all the known fundamental particles? (If not, I just stuck in a picture from Wikipeda right above this paragraph.) Electrons, neutrinos, photons, quarks, gluons, W and Z bosons, the Higgs boson--all the stuff both normal and weird. Well, all those particles--all known particles--can be grouped into two categories: fermions and bosons. Fundamentally, the difference between a boson and a fermion is how conformist or non-conformist they are.

No two fermions in the entire universe can ever be exactly alike. You can say, oh, every electron in the universe has the same charge, same size, same shape, so they’re completely interchangeable. But it’s not true! They’re in different positions, and they have different spins. An electron spinning clockwise is definitely not completely interchangeable with an electron spinning counter-clockwise--they have opposite reactions to magnetic fields, for one thing. Sure you can flip one of them over so they’re spinning the same way, but if you manage to flip one of them over, something else will happen to make them distinct from each other. Maybe one will move away from the other? Well, then they’re not interchangeable either, because this one is over here and that one is over there--that’s a pretty stark difference! Anyway, this affects how statistics works on large groups of fermions. Typically what will happen, if you have a lot of nearly-identical fermions (and nothing else except those fermions), is two of them will be in the same place (yes really, you can have two electrons overlapping in physical space) but with opposite directions of spin. If you add a third one, it’ll chose one spin direction or the other, but it’ll move a little bit away from the first two. The fourth one will be in the same place as the third one (at least if there’s some reason they all want to be close together, like they’re in a magnetic trap, or gravity is pulling on them), but with opposite spin from the third one. And it’ll keep building up in pairs, each pair a little distance away from the previous pair. This causes some weird things to happen, because none of the fermions wants to be near other fermions with the same spin, but they don’t mind being near fermions with the opposite spin.

Sometimes you literally get them pairing up into opposite spin pairs sharing a physical location, and you get a superconductor. Each pair moves around freely as a pair, slipping easily past all the other pairs, sort of like a superfluid (see below). If they’re charged particles (which they don’t have to be, but that’s what was historically discovered first), this freely flowing set of paired charges is the most electrically conductive phase of matter possible (even better than a regular metal crystal, by a lot)--thus the name. Sometimes the fermions pair up less literally and more metaphorically and it’s just kind of this messy, ever-growing soup where things just can’t get too close to each other no matter how hard you try to pack them in; this is a regular degenerate fermi gas and is what a neutron star is made of. If you keep pushing and pushing and try to overcome their refusal to be identical (i.e. share space with each other) until they can no longer resist--until you’ve proven you’re stronger than their non-conformity--eventually you can... well, we’ll get to that at the end.

Bosons don’t mind being completely alike. They can take it or leave it; whatever. This, again, affects how statistics work when you have a big group of them. But here’s the thing: say there’s one way to be that’s, like, the best. Takes the least energy to be like that. Then all the bosons are going to all want to do that. And unlike fermions--where they push at each other and flip each other over to make sure no two are alike--for bosons this is just fine. They can just all do the thing. Together. It is possible to get a situation where all the bosons are identical (say they’re all photons of the same energy, or they’re all helium atoms with the same mass, or whatever); and they’re all sitting in the exact same spot with each other because that’s the easiest place to be (maybe they all rolled to the bottom of a gravity well and they’re too cold/slow to be able to roll back out); and they all have the exact same spin because that’s the best spin to have (maybe there’s a magnetic field they want to line up with). Now that they’re all exactly the same (and I do mean exactly) you can no longer say, oh this is atom #1 and that’s atom #2. They’re both simultaneously both atom #1 and atom #2; claiming there are two different atoms there is meaningless and incorrect. Rather, what you have is one singular atom with a quantity of 2. (Or, worse yet, with an average or probabilistic quantity of 2, not necessarily an exact quantity of 2, depending on where you’re looking.)

Here’s another way of thinking about it that’s a little less weird and abstract. Ok, you know how in quantum mechanics, everything is both a particle and a wave? Well there’s a theorem that says that if two things are exactly alike like this--in the same place, have the same energy, completely indistinguishable--it means their waves are also perfectly aligned, peak to peak and trough to trough. (”Coherence,” this is called.) Which means these waves add and add on each other, until you basically have a tsunami of a state. Everything in lock step, all acting together, as if it were one giant thing. A lot of photons all acting like one giant photon of that wavelength. A lot of atoms all acting like one giant atom. And by giant atom I mean, like, in a lab you can make something like this that’s as big as a human hair, big enough to just take pictures of with a decent camera and lenses. All acting like one atom--waves and all--which means if you overlap two together, and they’re both waves, they’re going to interfere with each other, they’re going to cancel each other out in some spots, you’re going to get stripes where there’s twice as much matter as there should be, and stripes where the matter has entirely ceased to be. Again, all of this happening on a scale big enough to take pictures of with just a camera and $100 worth of lenses--a cheaper setup than your typical bird enthusiast carries around. Anyway. If you do this with photons it’s called a laser--yes, like a laser pointer, that’s a degenerate Bose... set of photons. Technically this is not a state of matter at all, because photons don’t count as matter*. If you do this with bosonic atoms, there are a couple different names for it. The most common name is probably superfluid. Because when these atoms are all the same as each other, it is not only impossible but meaningless to say that oh, this is atom #1 and that’s atom #2 and look at them move past each other. No, both of those atoms are simultaneously atom #1 AND atom #2, and they’re in all places within the extent of the superfluid, and that means they can be anywhere in the superfluid at any time. Effectively this means there’s no viscosity, no friction within the superfluid. That’s why it’s called a superfluid--because it’s the most fluid thing possible. You can have a superfluid that’s originally condensed from a liquid (usually made out of helium) or from a gas (usually made out of alkalis like sodium or rubidium). The other name for this is Bose-Einstein condensate (or BEC if you’re feeling familiar), but there’s a lot of ambiguity in the usage of this name. Some people use it to mean any degenerate bose anything--lasers included. Some people use it to mean only a degenerate bose gas, and actually exclude not only lasers but even superfluid helium. So I would suggest not using this term unless you know what you’re talking about, and you know you’re on the same page as your interlocutor--or if you’re definitely only talking about a degenerate bose gas, but want a shorter way to say it, that’s fine too.

Black Hole

I left a mystery for you at the end of the discussion of degenerate fermi gases. What happens if you have a degenerate fermi gas but you try to force conformity on it? The fermions find themselves in the impossible condition of being forced to be the same, because there are more fermions than there are possible configurations. There’s only so much space for them, so they can’t spread out anymore, and there’s already one in each spin configuration in each possible place. And then you add one more, just one more, and where can it even go? Nowhere, not without being the same as one of the others. Which is impossible. So the whole thing just collapses into a singularity--ceases to be made of fermions, ceases to be made of anything, punches a hole in the universe. This is how you get a black hole. (Or, at least, it’s the known mechanism--there might be other ways. But when a star dies and collapses into a black hole, this is how it happened.) Although it originated from matter, you could argue that a black hole isn’t really a state of matter, either.

* The definition of matter more or less is, in the Standard Model Zoo of fundamental particles any fermions are matter particles, and any bosons are field particles. Anything made from fermion particles bound together (even though it’s always bosons actually doing the binding between them) is also matter. So a quark is a fermion and therefore is matter, and three quarks together forming a proton is also matter, and three quarks plus an electron (also a fermion) forming a hydrogen atom is also matter. You can bind even numbers of fermions together and end up with bosons. For example, each of the constituent particles of a helium atom (2 electrons, 6 up quarks, 6 down quarks) is a fermion, but the combined entire helium atom (14 total fermions, an even number) is a boson. A quick calculation for you: any non-ionized atom with an even number of neutrons adds up to being a boson. So, regular hydrogen: is a boson, deuterium hydrogen: is a fermion. If you start from just bosons, though--if you start from field particles--and you have multiple of them together, with no fermions at all, whatever you end up with will always be a boson and will never be matter.

#ok that's all the states of matter I can think of #physics #states of matter #phases of matter

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megalony · 5 years

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So many reasons- Part 12

Yet another part of my latest Roger Taylor series, thank you again for all the lovely comments.

Permanent taglist: @marshmallowmae @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6

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Enjoy.

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"I'll come by tomorrow with the rest of the boys." John commented as he stretched his arms above his head to straighten out his joints. His head leaning to either side to sort out his neck before he looked over to (Y/n). Whilst the girls were at school or nursery (Y/n) came down to the hospital to keep a check on Roger and had stayed over a few nights. None of the boys had seen Roger without her sitting quietly by his side to keep an eye on him and all of them thought it endearing yet a little heartbreaking at the same time. The sight was one that evoked tears in all of their eyes.

John had come by this morning to check on the drummer, wondering if there was any progress being made in his recovery so far. Entering the room to find (Y/n) where she normally was, sitting in the chair on Roger's right. Her hand clasped around his own as her other hand gently traced designs over the back of his hand. Whispering something to him about the previous day to keep him up to date. Sometimes people in comas could still hear what was going on and if that was the case (Y/n) decided she would talk to Roger, knowing he didn't like silence, even when sleeping the drummer liked some kind of background noise.

A tired smile pulled at (Y/n)'s lips as she nodded. John had been down every day since Roger's operation, sometimes just for a few minutes, sometimes longer. He always made sure to check in and he was glad he did today since he was informed that Roger should be able to come out of the coma soon, his lungs beginning to recover rather well.

Walking around to where (Y/n) was sitting John rested a hand to her shoulder, leaning to press a kiss to her forehead. His hand squeezing her shoulder before he turned and left the room.

After a while (Y/n) pulled her knees up to her stomach, her right hand propping her head up as she closed her eyes for a little while. Her left hand wrapped around Roger's limp one like it had been since the moment she had sat down next to him. Maybe Roger could feel her hand entwined with his own, maybe he couldn't feel anything at all. It didn't really matter at this point, the contact showed (Y/n) that he was still there and hadn't left her yet like he was so worried he may have done.

There was a small part of (Y/n) that wished Roger would suddenly squeeze her hand or pull it to his chest. Just to show that he was alright but she knew that couldn't happen just yet. This wasn't the kind of coma where they had to wait for him to break out of it on his own. This was the kind where they had given him medication to keep him in this motionless, docile state so he didn't panic and could recover. This was a coma where they would give him medication to wake him up when they knew he was alright to be back in the land of the living again.

Roger wouldn't do very well if he woke up to find that there was a tube stretching down into his lungs since they had given up on him during surgery. He wouldn't be able to breathe on his own or swallow or move his mouth due to the tube keeping him alive and he wouldn't be able to talk either. That would be rather distressing for him to wake up and be in that kind of state and so sleep was the only state he could be in for the time being.

(Y/n) understood this, but it didn't mean she was happy about it. She just wanted Roger to wake up so they could get him better and bring him home. Although it was good he wasn't home just yet because then he would see all of the rumours splattered across the front page of every newspaper in London. People had heard and there had been witnesses to Roger drowning in blood last week. Then more people were telling the papers the drummer had been spotted every day at the hospital and word gets around quickly, especially with the band being seen entering and leaving the hospital this past week too. They knew Roger was ill and they knew he was receiving treatment, it was only a matter of time before Roger's health was to become tomorrow's news just like he didn't want.

Opening her eyes (Y/n) rolled her neck before rubbing at her tired eyes with the base of her hand. Taking deep breaths to try and wake herself up after the small cat nap she had taken.

Narrowing her eyes, (Y/n) turned her head to the left so she could look at Roger as if she would find his head turned a little to the side or something different about him. Her eyes never left his frame for a few seconds that felt like hours before her arms suddenly spasmed and pulled into her chest when Roger's chest suddenly jerked.

A look of horror came onto (Y/n)'s features when she noticed the muscles of Roger's throat tensing, the skin around his throat tightening and pulling inwards as a rather worrying sound escaped his lips like a suction of air. There was no need for her to reach over and press the emergency button as Roger's heartbeat spiked which automatically alerted a member of staff that something was not right. Roger's chest seemed to jerk again, his rather slim stomach sucking inwards until it nearly disappeared as his ribcage pushed outwards causing his back to arch just a little from the bed.

The monitor behind (Y/n) beeped at such a frantic pace that she winced from the piercing sound. Tears glazing over her eyes as another suctioned breath either pulled in or was pushed out through the tube as if the machine breathing for the drummer was having a malfunction.

A string of no's left (Y/n)'s lips before two nurses rushed into the room, pressing their pagers to signify that they had reached the point of emergency. (Y/n) didn't need to be told to move, her hand squeezing Roger's before she stood a few paces back but still within sight of her husband who was in some state of distress. (Y/n) wrapped one arm around her middle as if trying to hug herself for some form of comfort as her other hand pressed to her lips to smother a cry. Unsure whether Roger was suddenly having some kind of reaction to any medication he was being given or to the tube breathing for him or if there was anything else happening to him.

(Y/n) had to smother a scream when the nurse on Roger's left suddenly turned off the ventilator that was breathing for him.

What the hell was she doing?

"No, no what are you doing that for?!" The tears welling in (Y/n)'s eyes spilled over the surface, making their tracks down the curve of her nose, burning into her cheeks. Her body propelling forward only for the other nurse to hold her back at a distance. Roger needed that ventilator because he wasn't breathing on his own, didn't they know this?

"Calm down, Mrs Taylor. Your husband is choking on the tube because he is beginning to breathe on his own, he doesn't need the ventilator anymore." The nurse's hand rubbed soothingly up and down (Y/n)'s arm to try and calm her down, her head nodding that this was all okay and nothing bad was happening to Roger. When she was satisfied that (Y/n) wasn't going to try and intervene the nurse pulled back and turned around to help tend to Roger.

The other nurse quick to unclip the end of the tube that attached to the one leading down to Roger's lungs, pushing the ventilator out of the way since it was no longer of use to him. Grasping the tube they both glanced to each other before slowly pulling it from his lips. One holding his head in place and keeping his chest down as the other removed the tube causing Roger to gag. His chin tilting up subconsciously as the muscles of his throat flexed at the foreign feeling, unsure if what was happening was good or not.

Once the tube was removed, one of the nurses switched on an oxygen machine at her side, taking hold of the oxygen mask and gently holding it over Roger's lips and nose. Needing him to take deep breaths on his own so his lungs wouldn't be starved of the oxygen they had been supplied with.

"I'm going to get the doctor, I think it's best that he is woken up now."

(Y/n) couldn't find the ability to respond, even breathing seemed to become a struggle for her to the point she wanted to borrow the oxygen mask held to Roger's pale lips. She watched one nurse disappear out of the room as the other turned to swap the oxygen mask for a tube instead. Placing the tube around Roger's ears so it could settle under his nose for added precaution to stop his lungs from becoming starved.

Both of them watched the drummer take strangled breaths for air, his throat muscles expanding and tightening continuously causing him to wheeze as his lungs tried to work on their own. His chest in a state of shock from beginning to work to find that there was something doing the job for him. The monitor checking Roger's heartbeat had calmed down, still beating at a quickened pace but nothing that was as alerting or worrying as it had been moments before.

It didn't take long for Dr Freeman to enter the room with the nurse trailing behind him. His kind smile showing (Y/n) that this was a very good thing to have happened, it was just what they had been waiting for this past week. He wandered over to Roger, checking his pulse, looking at his vitals and checking his pupils before examining his chest.

"We are in luck, he's breathing perfectly fine on his own and his vitals are good. Shall we wake him up?" His eyes drifted up to lock with (Y/n)'s, silently asking her permission to bring the drummer back into the world of the living again. Watching her hand move to massage the side of her neck out of habit and instinct as she nodded, not trusting her voice due to the tears streaming down her face. He had seen her cry for worse reasons than this and she had looked far from pretty or okay in those situations. she didn't mind him seeing the flood of happy tears cascading down her features now.

Turning around Dr Freeman nodded before disappearing to get the necessary medication to bring the drummer around since there was no reason to keep him in this induced state of unconsciousness. He was breathing on his own, his lung was back to being in working order and his wounds were beginning to heal nicely from the operation. His recovery was heading in the right direction and Roger should be awake for the rest of it now.

He came back into the room in less than a minute, a rather large syringe in his hand that was just over halfway full with a clear liquid that (Y/n) guessed was going to bring Roger back around. Walking over to the drip that contained the painkillers Roger was on, the doctor pushed the switch to cut off the medication for the time being. Inserting the syringe into the small gap and injecting it all straight into Roger's vein.

It took little over a minute for Roger to begin to come back around, his breathing picking up causing a cough or even a choke to escape his parting lips as his hand twitched at his side. His eyes tightening before very slowly beginning to flutter open like butterfly wings. He couldn't fully open his eyes for a while due to the extreme lights in the room but when he did his head jerked to the side when Dr Freeman leaned over him. One hand gently pulling up his eyelid as the other flashed a light over his eye to check his pupils were constricting and dilating properly.

"Welcome back, Mr Taylor. Take a moment to calm down and adjust, are you in any pain at all?" Dr Freeman questioned, moving out to push the cap back down on Roger's drip to allow the medication to drop back into his vein in controlled doses.

"(Y/n)..." Was the only croaked response he seemed to get for the time being as Roger fisted his hand in the sheets, missing the touch of (Y/n) as he wondered what was happening. The last thing Roger remembered properly was asking the nurse to stop the radiotherapy because there was such a burning pain in his lung he knew couldn't be from the treatment. Before he was suddenly sitting up, an overwhelming feeling of not being able to breathe before he felt like he was throwing up from his lungs.

Roger had caught a glimpse of Dr Freeman entering the room as he spewed blood over the floor before his mind seemed to have a power cut and spark out on him. Little whispers and words here and there had drifted in and out of his head, he recognised the voices at the time but now all he was sure of was he had some kind of reaction during treatment before waking up here.

"She's here." He responded, beckoning (Y/n) over as the nurses took their leave seeing that Roger was alright and having no problems or reactions. "Well, your vitals look good, your responses are normal and if you're in no pain then I can leave you both for a while."

"No pain, doc." Roger confirmed, such a tidal wave of relief washing over him when (Y/n) took his hand that he almost stopped breathing for a second time in one week. A smile pulling at his lips to which the doctor returned before he took his leave, allowing the couple to have a moment to themselves before he was back for more routine checks and to go over a few things.

"Hey, you." (Y/n) mumbled, sitting down on the edge of the bed before leaning over with her free hand, gently carding her fingers through Roger's hair. The tears wouldn't stop falling but she could barely register them anymore. Her body felt like it was on cloud nine after being sucked into an abyss for the past week wondering if she was going to be faced with the prospect of losing the drummer. Now he was awake right in front of her, he was breathing and he was talking and smiling just like he had been before, he was out of the immediate danger zone and (Y/n) was forever grateful for that.

Roger smiled, closing his eyes for a moment as he brought (Y/n)'s hand to his lips, their fingers entwining together before he cautiously looked down to his chest. A frown overtaking his smile when he noticed the bandages surrounding his chest.

(Y/n) quickly looped an arm under his to help him sit up when he tried and failed to push himself up. His hand grasping onto her shoulder to sit himself up, leaning back when (Y/n) moved the pillow for him. Her eyes watching him with fear and pain when he nudged her arm away as she tried to stop him from moving the bandages. His left hand that wasn't holding her own pulled the top of the bandages down towards his stomach a guttural sound mixing with a choke left his lips when he looked at the damage. Every inch of his chest was burning red like it had been burnt with a flame, his previous scar was inflamed just like his skin and his rash from treatment had spread a little more. But the pain concern for Roger was the slash mark an inch or so beneath the first one that extended across his sternum and was littered with stitches that he dared not touch.

What had they done to him?

"W-what... what happened?" He croaked, his hand hovering over his chest as he looked up to (Y/n). Accepting the glass of water she offered him before daring to explain. Knowing his throat must hurt from the tube that had scratched away at his throat for almost a week now.

"There was a mass pressing on an artery in your lung... it burst the artery from the pressure. They took you for surgery and removed part of your lung after they stopped the bleed... but you stopped breathing during surgery so they put you on a ventilator. You've been in an induced coma for a week, Rog." He had fainted during treatment and had woken up to be told that he had missed a week of his life. He had gone to surgery and had almost died on the operating table whilst they stole part of his lung and kept him purposely asleep for the past week of his life.

"Oh God."

(Y/n) quickly pulled him into her arms, being careful of his inflamed chest, not wanting to touch an area in case it sparked pain or some kind of discomfort for him. It was a lot to take in, but the main thing was he was awake now. He had come back to them and everyone would be forever thankful for that.

"Shh, it's gonna be alright. You're back with us now, the girls came to see you the other day. They can't wait for you to come home to us." The drummer took her by surprise when he cupped her face, bringing her closer so he could plant his slightly chapped lips against her own. He had been out of it for a week, he needed to see and be with all his girls now.

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger x reader #imagine #queen band #so many reasons

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bangchanshehe · 5 years

Text

She’s Not You pt.2

Summary: Taemin was run down, and tired. He had been promoting for his comeback and wasn’t able to spend much time with you at all. But now that he can finally see you he has to pretend that you aren’t dating. But with two different people watching the two of you with interest your faith in each other will be tested.

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Word Count: 3.3k

Taemin was waiting by the curtain of the stage for the lights to go out so he could make his entrance. He adjusted his mic pack and his clothes for the last time before he went out and performed, wanting for everything to be perfect. A minute went by and soon Sunmi was standing by his side, staring up at him like a love sick puppy.

“Hi, Taemin oppa!” she said softly with a smile

Taemin inwardly cringed at her calling him oppa. The only person who should be able to call him that are friends and you, and Sunmi wasn’t either of those things. And not only that but Sunmi wasn’t even younger than Taemin. He cracked a small smile at her and bowed his head slightly.

Taemin couldn’t wait to get through with this collaboration. The entire time Sunmi was nothing but an annoyance to him! She was constantly trying to act cute and super friendly towards everyone, but he knew that it was all faked. He could hear the way that she talked to people when he wasn’t around and see that she treated people differently. Her manager practically bent over backwards to please her but she still seemed to be unhappy. And he was disgusted with that kind of behavior. Just because she was an idol didn’t give her the right to treat people like dirt.

“Are you excited oppa?” she asked a little too close for Taemin’s comfort. When she never received a response she slightly pouted but continued to pursue a conversation. “I’m excited! Excited that I finally get to show off our collaboration together!” she leaned into him and lightly placed her hand on his chest “I’ve also really enjoyed spending time with you” she purred

Taemin looked at her with disgust and quickly swiped at her hand so she would remove it “please be respectful and keep your hands to yourself!” he said through his teeth trying to get the message across but not being to loud to cause a scene.

She retraced and had a shocked hurt look on her face. The lights finally went dark and Taemin left her side to go take his place on the stage. He no longer cared about whether he hurt her feelings or not, he just wanted to do his job. Do his job and then finish what his girlfriend started.

A few seconds passed and the entrancing music of Move started to play, making taemin immediately switch into performance mode. He began to sway his hips and move his arms to the beat and he smiled cockily up at the camera knowing that you would be watching from the tv backstage. Sunmi slowly made her way from back stage up to the front to begin their dance together.

She made everything exaggerated and clung onto him like a leech. You sat in your makeup chair and glared at the tv, well… glared at Sunmi. You closed your eyes and tried to calm yourself down, hearing Sunmi’s words echo in your mind.

“be careful of kai, my ass!” you mumbled to yourself under your breath.

The more the seconds went by the more you wanted to stop on stage and rip her off of your boyfriend’s lean frame. You knew that she was getting a good feel of taemin’s body and you knew that she could feel everything underneath his silk blouse and tight pants. You sighed heavily and decided to make yourself busy with something else. You started to clean your brushes and makeup and packed up all of your belongings and made sure that only the last necessities were left out for use. You were scrubbing away at the countertops when you could hear the gasps and whispers of the other group cordis.

“Daebak! Look at him dancing with her!” one of them gasped

“I bet they’re seeing each other in real life” another whispered loudly “there’s no way that they would be that touchy feely if they weren’t”

“no…the way that Sunmi has been hanging all over him and acting innocent I bet she’s been getting rejected” Sunmi’s personal cordi confessed “She’s relentless when it comes to things that she wants”

You wanted to interject and correct their mistakes, but you knew that if you chimed in then you would seem a little suspicious. So instead you but more elbow grease into scrubbing the countertops, and vent over every inch of the surface.

“y/n-ssi” one of the other cordis called out to you and you turned your head to her “have you heard anything from Taemin about Sunmi?”

You stopped and grit your teeth for a minute before you answered her question. It was really none of her business what he’s doing with who. And you were tired of people being so wrapped up in scandals and dating news within the industry. And even if you weren’t dating him and had shocking news it wasn’t your news to share.

“No, he hasn’t said anything about her.” You answered honestly

You turned back to your counter and frowned to yourself. Really you hadn’t heard much about Sunmi and how he felt about working with her, which didn’t bother you before but now it felt sort of odd. Why was he being so quiet about it? It had been two weeks since he started to rehearse with her for their collaboration and you didn’t even know little details about the dance.

Typically, Taemin would come home and spill all of the details about his collaborations, excited about things that were going to come in the future. but his silence on the matter started to weigh on your mind. You started to calculate Sunmi’s attachment to him, Taemin’s jealousy and quietness and you looked up at the two of them dancing on the television.

“Wah! Are they secretly hooking up then?” one of the cordis asked in general and the other cordis gasped

You whipped your head to the side and without even thinking about what you were going to say you blurted out “I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend”

The other cordis turned to you with open mouths and wide eyes cheering and gasping “Who is it?” they all begged

You cringed and almost hit yourself on the head for being so dumb without thinking. And turned to face them with a hung head “All I know is that he’s definitely not seeing Sunmi” you softly said trying to calm the rest of the girls down.

They continued to whisper among themselves and you turned back towards the monitor to see that the dance was finished and the two of them would be making their way back stage any moment now. You didn’t know how you were going to explain to him later that you had accidentally told some of the others about him being in a relationship. You just hoped that the girls would be cool when they saw him and weren’t asking him 20 questions about it. And prayed that they wouldn’t say anything who could make your slip of the tongue public.

You could hear them coming down the hallway as people began to congratulate the two of them for their successful showcase. You panicked and decided to busy yourself with pulling Taemin’s regular clothes out to change into. Worst thing that could happen… well they could spill everything and make a big scene. But from where you were if that did happen you could at least make a run for it and get a head start to the van.

The two came into the waiting room sweaty and out of breath, smiling for their success and happy cheers. Sunmi immediately took her seat in her chair and snapped for her cordi to start removing her makeup and jewelry.

Is she in a bad mood? You thought to yourself before turning to gauge Taemin. He seemed all right and so far no one was pressing him about anything. You let out a breath and began to move towards Tae’s chair but stopped midway when you saw Sunmi do something that you didn’t think she’d ever do.

“oppa!” she said tapping on his shoulder

He turned his head towards her innocently and she bent down to whisper in his ear and ran her hand across his chest. when she was done whispering to him she slightly nibbled on his ear and pulled away from him with a smug shit-eating grin on her face.

You couldn’t watch her stand there and make passes at him like that without doing something very stupid that would get the two of you into big trouble. So instead of approaching him and trying to be the bigger person, you turned and walked quickly out of the room.

You didn’t know where you were going to go but you kept walking down the hallways, corner after corner until you found yourself by a secluded area with a ladies room. You pushed your way in and stood in front of a mirror. You looked at yourself long and hard and made an agreement with yourself that you weren’t going to let her get the best of you.

You were trying to mentally pull yourself together and figure out what you were going to do once you went back to the waiting room. You were sure that by now everyone in the room was going to be buzzing about what was going on, and you were sure that by now it had escalated into a scene.

You could just imagine the nosy cordi’s whispering and pestering sunmi and taemin about what had happened and you sighed. You didn’t pay attention to where you were going on your way here so you looked around confused and worried that you were lost. You looked up at the signs on the doors and hallways and guessed your way back to the room. After a few minutes of aimless wandering you found yourself back by the doorway, taking deep breaths and working on your patients and answers for any questions that will be thrown your way.

You stepped into the room and it was all very awkward and quiet with everyone whispering and staring at Sunmi and Taemin’s chair. Sunmi was smiling to herself and Taemin looked like he was angry and ready to explode at any moment. He looked up in the mirror and made eye contact with you standing in the doorway and immediately got up from his chair and stalked towards you.

Intimidated, you backed away from the door and waited for him to come outside. You looked down at your feet and played with your shoes imagining that the worst was said and done. The door opened quickly and slammed shut behind his frame. You winced at the loud commotion and looked up at him in shock.

“Where have you been?” he asked you

“I-I went to the bathroom” you answered lowly

“for fifteen minutes?” he asked with slight aggression

You just looked up at him and give him and apologetic stare, and he stared back with angry tired eyes. You knew that he had to be exhausted and the drama that was happening was probably the last thing that he wanted to be worrying about.

“im sorry, I got lost” you explained to him

He nodded his head and sighed, letting his shoulders sag and the anger reduce inside of him. He looked around to gauge how many people were in the hallway and leaned in when he found that no one was lingering outside.

“I need you inside to take care of Sunmi” he whispered

You cocked your head and your eyebrows furrowed, making him smile down at you softly.

“she keeps clinging onto me… and if she does it again I might actually push her” he continued

You imagined him pushing her away and her falling to the floor with a dramatic pout on her face and laughed to yourself.

“I give you permission” you laughed

The two of you smiled at each other for a moment and then headed back into the waiting room so you could take care of Taemin and get the two of you home sooner rather than later.

When you two walked in the whispers and the talking went completely silent. It was so obvious that people were staring and talking but Taemin kept his head held high and continued on as you lowered your head and felt the weight of the atmosphere. Taemin sat and you immediately grabbed a makeup wipe to remove the cosmetics from his face. You brushed his hair back and tried to get some of the stiff form out of his face so he could put a baseball hat on as part of his street clothes.

You were taking off his jewelry and small costume pieces when the Exo boys starting talking to taemin.

“Yah! Sunbae, tonight we’re going to go to that new club in Gangnam did you want to come with us? Its just going to be a few of us!” Xiumin offered

Taemin smiled through the mirror looking back at him and smirked “maybe, ill have to see how much work I have to do tonight”

“okay, ill keep in touch with you” xiumin responded and turned back to the other members

You tapped on taemin’s shoulder for him to get up, signaling that you were done with him when you softly whispered. “you have no schedules tonight, so you can go if you want to”

He got up and walked away towards the changing room and you followed him slowly. He stopped at the door and you handed him his clothes to change into, he thanked you and disappeared into the room. You could hear his clothes being ruffled and he quickly popped out, shirtless to hand you his dress shirt. You looked down at his chest quickly and took the shirt from him.

He noticed your little peek and smirked at you before finally responding to you “I really don’t want to go …. But ill go if you go”

He disappeared back into the room before you could say anything. You stood and waited for him to change into his pants but after a few moments of his lack of presence you began to get concerned.

“do you need help getting the pants off?” you asked as a joke

He re-emerged and with a sigh nodded his head “the clip in the back for the harness is stuck”

You knew that he wasn’t joking and quickly slipped into the room without a thought and helped him remove the harness. It took a simple maneuver to unclasp it but alone it was difficult to remove because of where it sat on a person’s back. You slipped it around his body and folded it up without giving Taemin a single glance.

You were about to turn and leave the dressing room when he turned around to face you and kissed you strongly on the lips. You lightly shoved at his chest and smiled at his cheeky behavior

“not here” you whispered to him knowing that the thin walls didn’t keep any noises from being unheard

He sarcastically pouted and pulled you in for a hug but you reached for the door and turned the knob making him immediately pull away from you and regain his composure. You shut the door behind yourself and chuckled quietly as you folded up the shirt and harness and neatly tucked it into the hanging bag. After a minute he came out of the room in comfortable clothes and a cap over his hair.

He looked comfortable and sexy and you knew that he was ready to be anywhere then where he was so you quickly packed up the rest of his and your things and joined his side over by the couch.

“are you ready to go?” you asked him softly trying not to interrupt the rest of the conversation that was ongoing

Taemin nodded his head and stood up “ill be going first!” he said and waved his hands bye to the guys

You picked up the bags and swung them on your back or over your shoulder, but taemin quickly took a bag from you. You thanked him and the two of you made your way out of the waiting room and down the hall towards the back door. He approached it first and held the door open for you allowing you to easily exit and joined your side as you approached his van.

The two of you stuck the items in van and he jumped into the back and you took your seat in front of the steering wheel. You sighed with happiness now that everything was finally over and you turned on the van. You looked back at taemin who was on his phone texting with someone

“where to?” you asked

“That’s what im trying to find out” he said back slowly as he furiously typed away on his phone.

You let your head rest on the head rest and your body sag against the chair as you waited for an answer. You didn’t know how long you were going to have to run around all day, but you knew that if you were already this tired then Taemin had to be exhausted. You yawned and held a hand up against your mouth and taemin chuckled.

“Hmm?” you hummed

“Nothing, you just get cute when your sleepy” he replied in a whisper.

He leaned forward in his chair and planted a sweet kiss on your cheek and then slid back against the chair when the sound of his phone vibrating brought his attention back. You clutched your cheek and smiled to yourself as you listened to him unlock his phone, check a message and type a response back.

“He says that we need to go to the studio for a recording before I’m done for the day” he said finally giving you the answer you were searching for

You started the car and you put your seatbelt on, ready to back out. You handed Taemin the aux cord knowing that he was going to ask for it and smiled when he whispered ‘thank you’. You looked backwards as you backed the van up and drove back to the studio. Taemin smiled at you and watched as you focused on the road, thinking to himself about how lucky he was to have a woman who appreciated and looked out for him.

“so I heard from one of the cordi noona’s that I’m apparently in a relationship” he said with a teasing tone

You looked up in the rearview mirror to see him grinning at you. SHIT! You quickly looked forward to avoid his gaze and focused again on the road. You couldn’t believe that one of them would actually say something to him about it. You hoped that they would be smart enough to keep their mouth shut, but you knew that It was your fault for saying something in the first place.

“Im sorry” you said softly not looking back at him, too ashamed

Taemin laughed and shook his head “its okay”

“but aren’t you worried that they’re going to say something?” you asked

He stopped before he was about to speak and thought about something before he spoke again

“At first, I was petrified about news getting leaked of us. I was worried that it wouldn’t be good for me or the group but most of all for you. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to you and I still don’t. so it does scare me, but the idea of us not having to hide and just being happy together sounds appealing.” He sighed “if it gets out it gets out if it doesn’t it doesn’t.”

he leaned forward a bit and whispered seductively in your ear, as if it meant something entirely different “don’t you have even a small desire to go public?”

#kpop #kpop smut #kpop series #kpopminiseries #shinee #shinee taemin #shinee series #shinee smut #shinee imagines #lee taemin #taemin #taemin smut #taemin fanfic #taemin fanfiction #taemin miniseries #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfi #shinee fanfic #SHINee fanfiction

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internallydeceased · 5 years

Text

Begin Again - (Chapter IV)

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor and have very little medical knowledge, so I apologize for any mistakes

Previously...

The Beginning Oxford, England

He felt like he was floating, just beneath the surface of a lake, the buoyancy of his body bringing him closer and closer to the surface.

It was very similar to when you’re half asleep and it suddenly feels like you’re falling, but just before you hit the ground your body jerks you awake.

He didn’t remember much of the accident, but he did remember the weeks where he lived somewhere outside his body—the in between— and he remembered it vividly.

It was a sort of comfort, to wake up and be somewhat familiar with your surroundings. Not just waking up somewhere and having no idea how you got there in the first place.

Time had not been kind to him. He was once in peak condition, the perfect balance between muscle and fat. Now, he had been reduced to almost nothing. The only source of nutrition he had was a GI tube that snaked its way down from his nose into his stomach.

Lying in a hospital bed for months without leaving it for even a moment allowed his muscles to atrophy to nothing. He looked almost skeletal: the framework of his bones so clear and visible beneath the skin that he looked as though he would shatter if a fly landed on him.

His skin was once sun-kissed, though still pale. But now there was absolutely no color to him at all. He practically blended in with the stark-white of the hospital sheets.

His cheeks were gaunt, every socket and hollow in his skull pronounced as his skin clung to bone. His eyes were sunken into his skull, with deep dark bags just underneath.

He looked nothing like himself, he was quite literally a ghost.

Jenny was reduced to sobs when she saw him. The feeling bittersweet—because while he was finally awake after weeks of hoping and praying; they hardly recognized him.

It was different, seeing the man who she knew to be her brother inside this body. It wasn’t the same as looking at his inert form that never spoke or moved.

The only identifiable features that were pure Jamie was the short copper hair on his head that had been shaved when he arrived, and crystal blue eyes. And even then he looked an impostor.

Wee Jamie was terrified of his uncle, he refused to hug or even look at him. It pained all of them to see him react that way, because his uncle was once his favorite person in the world. But he was too young to comprehend the tragedy that had befallen him, and what time takes from a person who is completely helpless.

They all looked at him differently now. His father, Jenny, and Ian. They were grateful that God had returned him to them, but they would never look at him without thinking about the accident and the aftermath. It would plague them for the rest of their lives.

It made Jamie feel guilty. Not that anything that happened was his fault, but he couldn’t help but think that they would never be the same family they were.

But at least there was Claire.

“You’re awake!” She exclaimed with her eyes wide and a grin so big it was almost comical.

She’d heard the news a few hours earlier, but gave Jamie some time to get reacquainted with himself and his surroundings.

Jamie looked up from the book he was reading—though he had no idea what it was about, he just enjoyed the feeling of it in his hands.

He returned the smile in kind, “So I am.”

Claire made her way over to his bedside, quickly checking him over with her pen-light and stethoscope, making sure his vitals were somewhat normal before planting herself in the chair next to him.

“Well, how do you feel?”

Jamie exhaled with a small chuckle and placed the book on the bedside table. “Like I've been hit by a bus.”

She laughed and nervously attempted to smooth the creases in her scrubs before returning her gaze back to him. “Well, you’re not far off.” She paused for a moment, and took a breath.

“Do you remember anything? About the accident, I mean.”

Jamie sighed and closed his eyes, trying to think back. “No, not really. The last thing I remember was singing along to the radio on my way to work. Next thing I know i’m lying in a hospital bed attached to every machine on the planet.” He lifted an arm that was connected to an IV—along with a heartbeat monitor clipped to his finger—in example.

It wasn’t the full truth, but he wasn’t about to tell her that his ‘astral projection’ —or whatever the hell it might be—observed nearly everything that happened in between. The last thing he needed was to be committed to a psych ward.

Claire frowned and then shrugged, getting up and moving away from the chair. “Well, perhaps it’s better that way.” She gave him a friendly smile and took another step towards the door.

She hesitated, turning back to look at him.

Jamie cocked his head to the side in confusion after she didn’t say anything. “Is there something on my face?” He brought up a hand to wipe at his mouth before looking at it and finding nothing.

“No, it’s just… Now that you’re awake, there’s going to be a lot of physical therapy and all sorts of tests. The road back to recovery won’t be easy, and there will be times when you just want to give up. Just… try to remember that you’ve come back from the brink of death, and the worst is already behind you.”

At least I hope. She added, only to herself

She’d been right, it wasn’t easy. It was almost as if he’d been reborn and had to learn everything for the first time again.

It felt good to finally leave that bed, but he could hardly walk. His legs weren’t used to supporting his weight, thin as he was.

The first time he’d seen his reflection, he thought someone else was staring back at him, only to realize the wraith in the mirror was indeed him.

Everything took time, and Jamie was impatient. He’d already wasted three months of his life withering away to nothing, and now he had to work to get it all back.

But he was determined. Even if his body wouldn’t do what he was telling it to, he never gave up. He learned to appreciate all the little things in his life, because he knew it could all be gone in a second. He’d been lucky. Lucky that he hadn’t lost his life, or the ability to walk or think or talk. Because he knew that there were people who weren’t so lucky, and people who would never have a second chance.

Not once did he take it for granted. He would return to the man he had been, it all just took time.

Therapy was thorough and rigorous, but it needed to be. Although surgeons were able to set the bones in his hand, he had no use for it while he was comatose. Doctors would need to move and flex his hand for him, so it wouldn’t become stiff and immobile—so he would still have use of it in the hopes that he would wake up.

It was painful, working to try and get back to who he was before. His hand would never regain complete range of motion, but at least he could have some.

He would need to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t possible to be who he was before. The accident happened, and he couldn’t just go back in time and undo it; as much as he might like to. His body bore plenty of scars that would be a constant reminder, it was a part of him now.

Claire visited him often—whenever she had the chance. She was no longer assigned to his case, and either way he would be discharged soon.

She always had some excuse to see him, but the real reason she kept to herself.

Jamie scrunched his nose and spit out the bland bread that he’d been chewing. “I’ve been here nigh on four months, and I still haven’t gotten used to the food.” He chuckled and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

“Technically seven,” She corrected. “And I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to get used to it.” Claire flashed him a smile, whiskey eyes sparkling.

He could stare into her eyes for hours and never tire of it. He wanted to drown in them.

“Aye, well. I think the first thing i’m doing once i’m out is getting a big, greasy hamburger with large fries. And a shake.” He had tried to wink, but it turned out to be more of a slow, owlish blink than anything.

She closed her eyes and smiled, her mouth watering at the thought.

At that moment her pager went off, announcing that she was needed elsewhere. She looked at it and frowned, returning her attention back to Jamie

“Well, that’s my cue. If I don’t see you before you’re discharged, just know that it was a pleasure to meet you, and I wish you the best of luck.”

Before Jamie even had the chance to respond, she was gone.

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