Happy Trans Day of Visibility my trans darlings, especially trans gamers! 💖

Whether you have decided to come out or not, you matter, you are loved, and there will always be support for you, especially from this cis lady. 🌈

Something that is missing in a lot of the Trans Disc Horse around trans men and transmasculine people and the specific (but also not unique!) problems many face from society is this... particular terror many people have (yes, cis and trans) around people who look masculine but act feminine, particularly in that grey area of appearance where they don't look quite like a cis woman and don't look quite like a cis man and so must be up to something, because why else would you carry out that kind of deception rather than just be one or the other? The gender that we "are" and the gender that we're "pretending to be" vary wildly with the observer; the only constant is that discomfort and suspicion.

The people who've been overtly transphobic to me haven't done so on the basis that I'm a woman pretending to be a man -- their complaint was that I was too much of a man to be a woman. That I was a threat to them because of covert (not overt!) masculinity. These were not situations of "oh, assumed to be TMA until revealed to be TME and then the cis people apologized and fell all over themselves to retract their bigotry and suspicion" (which... never happens anyway? tf). I'm tall and big, but I don't bind, I'm not on HRT, I have prominent breasts, my voice is high, it is very obvious that I'm not a cisgender man, and yet their complaints were the same. "I don't want HER, SHE's a MAN!" (Actual quote.) These people don't give a shit that I have breasts and a uterus and a vagina and more estrogen than testosterone, they already know that I do; the imagined predatory penis in my pants is real and dangerous in their minds as an actual physical one.

I personally have sympathy for these people. Almost everyone I've had this reaction from have been cisgender women and girls who've had deeply traumatic experiences at the hands of men and see in me that which hurt them, only worse, because I don't fit clearly into the box of "man" or "woman". I recognize that this is not about me as a person, but rather a consequence of the pain and conditioning that came before me. It doesn't make it okay to take these things out on me, but even though it hurts, I choose not to take offense. Cisgender men, by and large, have neither cared nor paid attention to the subtle signals of my gendered appearance and presentation -- they tend to take me at face value, and I've gotten bro'd, brother'd, sir'd, and man'd far more often by men. (Which I recognize is NOT the experience of many transfeminine people, especially those who date men.)

I genuinely don't know how to characterize this kind of suspicion and aggression as anything other than a specific kind of transmisogyny -- not exactly as transfeminine people experience it, but close enough that it provides categorization for these experiences better than any other schema of societal oppression that we've come up with. It's not misogyny, it's not homophobia, it's not transmisandry, it's not exactly femmephobia, it is very specifically the prejudice against behaving like a woman but appearing like a man and the assumption that I must have some nefarious purpose for doing so. And there is not an inconsiderable extent to which my choice to currently not pursue HRT or present myself as a man rather than a "theyfab" is because I'm a pediatric nurse and I work with children in very physically and emotionally vulnerable situations and I'm afraid of getting more of these reactions than I already do. Do I get as many as one of my trans woman friends, who also works with children? No. But I've gotten more as I present more and more masculine, I'm sure that it would only increase as I progress further down the path of masculinization, and I suspect that my anxieties around further transition are not that far off from some of my transfem siblings and sisters in a similar position, even though according to prevailing trans theories our experiences should be exact opposites.

If I can take a moment to share my experience as a trans woman on the internet

My experience is by no means unique, it's just one experience in the plethora of trans feminine experiences and not unique to only tumblr. Though, I'll mostly talk about what I've experienced here. In the light of recent events, the reaction of "the ceo," and the comments he contributed regarding dog pile harassment; I simply wish to share my experiences that I have had to juxtapose the dynamic of his statements against a lived experience.

This account started as a way to document my social transition and eventually my journey with HRT. Tumblr had always had a large lgbtqia+ community. The queer people here inspired me and gave me hope. What I didn't know, but soon learned, is that there were people here who hated me for being trans. Being early in my transition I was a prime target. TERF groups would plan raids on my account. What this entailed was: rebloging my selfies into circles that would say the most vile things about me, threaten to kill, tell me I was ugly, tell me that everyone I knew thought I was a joke, I was a monster, my family hated me, that I should kill myself, they'd download and edit my photos into caricatures or depictions of violence. They would fill my ask box with hundreds of asks detailing how they'd kill me, call me slurs, describe the ways that I should kill myself, and pretty much everything else I mentioned above with the reblogs. Their words were carefully curated to try and break me, break my spirit, break my will to live. I tried reporting it. But it was impossible to keep up with, and like many others I saw no real response. Eventually I learned that I had to block all of them. 100's of blogs, eventually 1000's of blogs. My block list these days is incredibly extensive. I had to wade through their blogs, traverse sickening hate speech and imagery to eliminate entire circles of people harassing me. I became jaded to the hate speech, hardened to it. But mind you, I shouldn't have had to expose myself to all of this just to be at peace here amongst my community. I received no help, I was left to my own devices to protect myself. The people who hurt me never saw consequences. It was painful, it was unfair, and no one else should have to put the hours upon hours of effort and exposure to hate in to protect themselves like I did. But again my experience is not unique.

I have had to repeat this process of preemptive blocking periodically once a new circle discovers me. Blocking them all before they can start the process of hate all over again. A process of hate that seems to be hitting my community with rapidly increasing fervor as of late.

I've seen others experience far worse than me. The TERF circles will hunt down their personal information and doxx them. Expose their home address, telephone numbers, names of their family members. I can't begin to imagine the terror my queer siblings must feel when someone tells then that they want to murder them all while showing them that they know where you live. This is not a new thing, not a rare tactic, it happens. And we've all seen the news stories of trans people being murdered by people who planned it and were vocal about it.

I know this is depressing. And it doesn't reflect all of my experiences. I've had wonderful experiences here, met amazing people, made close friends, found inspiration, found hope. I found a community.

And it's my community, and I never want to let it go.

I do have fear that making this statement will get me banned. But, I wanted to say it. I wanted it to exist in the world so that everyone who doesn't know our experiences has a chance to understand and with luck empathize.

I'll part on these words and hope for the best both for myself and for every member of the community.

Of course I do not feel comfortable sharing a bathroom space with a male of any sort, but, it truly disgusts how so many people (conservative specifically) just write off trans people as nasty and evil right off the bat. Like, I disagree ideologically with so many people and first of all you don't see me immediately trying to convince people of my opinions and secondly I'm not going to blindly hate anyone unless there is a valid reason and being trans isn't a good enough reason to hate somebody. It just bothers me how so few people choose to look at strangers with compassion over contempt. I have trans people in my family and in some of my social circles and while I think a lot of things they say is silly or just flat out untrue it's never made me wish to treat them with any less dignity, same as extremely religious people. Just another reason why the "evil terf" label is annoying...like, I'm nothing like the far rights spitting insults and slurs. I am a very critical and I hope scientifically analytical person when it comes to just about everything in life and I hate being lumped in with people so cruel and unfeeling towards others.

re: that last poll i reblogged, one of the reasons i find both mpreg & a/b/o fic kind of morbidly fascinating after many years in fandom (despite not liking either) is how these kinds of fic often function as a way of mapping the tropes and gender dynamics of cis/heterosexual romance onto (almost always cis) m/m stories without going so far as to gender-swap either character

like, this is pretty obvious with mpreg centered on cis men, which is often just the application of common pregnancy-related romance tropes to cis m/m couples (note: im excluding depictions of trans masc pregnancy from my discussion here because i just think its a separate convo with its own nuances, and because i think much of the fic im describing here generally draws from ideas about cis men & women without much consideration for transness). however its ESPECIALLY apparent if you look at common a/b/o tropes in m/m fic. namely, the fact that an a/b/o universe is generally a world in which irl gender essentialism and the resulting sexual power dynamics between (cis) men and (cis) women are able to be applied to relationships exclusively between cis men-- with one partner being dominant, often physically stronger and aggressive, and socially privileged for this (perceived or real) biological superiority, and the other partner (who is generally the one able to bear children) being sexually submissive, weaker, and thus socially disadvantaged or oppressed as a consequence.

furthermore, something EXTRA interesting to me is that in this type of fic these power dynamics are very frequently not just social constructs (the way they are in real life-- pls dont misunderstand me and think im saying women are inherently biologically submissive to men irl or something), but rather almost always depicted as a biological reality within the world of the story. this type of au (at least in m/m dominated circles) offers a way of exploring and depicting what are basically misogynistic tropes without ever naming it as misogyny or involving women at any point. and i'm not trying to make a moral judgement here--i just genuinely find it very interesting that one of the main ways that misogynistic sexual dynamics (and, frequently, the violence resulting from such dynamics) gets explored in fandom spaces is through the development of an alternate biological and social reality in which cis men experience a mirror of those power dynamics, often turned up to 11 via in-universe biological essentialism. it strikes me as a way to engage with irl misogyny and its role within relationships with a certain amount of emotional distance, for better or worse. on one hand, it might be used to explore this imbalance of power without ever needing to depict misogynistic violence happening to female characters, but on the other hand also often offers a way to engage with romantic tropes steeped in irl gender essentialism in a way that is justified within the fiction of the universe and therefore do not need to be considered as critically

now i dont think this alone justifies this trope's existence or popularity (i'm sure a large part of its popularity is people just thinking it's hot tbh, which is fine im not here to judge), and honestly i'm not interested in litigating the question of why people write or read this trope in the first place, but i AM continually fascinated by the degree to which heteronormativity is able to influence what are ostensibly depictions of queer relationships

witchcraft things

that didn't work for me

and why

- kitchen witchcraft

i love cooking and i love working with plants, however incorporating spells into my food didn't work for me. i got way too distracted by the spell part, that i completely forgot to make the food taste good. and as much as i love magic, it took the fun out of cooking for me. because now, cooking wasn't something fun where i could experiment with flavors and textures, it was something i had to put thought into beforehand. and i like to be spontaneous with my cooking.

- protection spells

protection spells seem to be the most important part of the witchcraft community. and i do think it's important to know how protection magic works, but it's also very unnecessary to have protections up 24/7 if you're not famous or have many enemies. i tend to forget about my protection spells, so they just sit on my altar, untouched for months and i forget to make new ones. hasn't hurt me so far tho, so i'll be saving those up for when and if i actually need them.

- casting a circle

not gonna lie, i tried that once and never again. it felt so pretentious to me.. like i was in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. and not in a good way. i stumbled across that practice on witchtok first, that was when i thought i was wrong for practicing my way and not how other people said i should. i don't think casting a circle is a bad thing to do, but it absolutely is a bad thing to do for me.

- bowl spells

bowl spells are one of my favorite kinds of spells because they're interactive. you put things in, you take things out. the energy doesn't feel stagnant and the spell is always working it's magic as long as you interact with it. ....but unfortunately my adhd made it very clear to me that those kinds of spells aren't something that works for me. i forget about them 5 minutes after i made them and they never get interacted with, so they don't do much of what they're supposed to. i would definitely recommend them to people who remember to take out and put in stuff tho, because the concept is great.

- scrying

gods, did i want that to work. divination is my favorite kind of witchcraft and i'm great at it! so when i learned about scrying, it was something i immediately got interested in and tried. i tried fire and water. fire worked a bit better, because the flames are dancing and water is reflective. that meant for me, i was always seeing things in it that were physically there, and couldn't concentrate on the scrying part. honestly i don't really remember why the fire method didn't work out, but i assume i got distracted really fast or lost in my thoughts.

- veiling

veiling can be done for many reasons. mine was, that i wanted to use it as a way to protect myself from all the different types of energy in public places. every person has their own life, with their own problems and their own current state of being. and since i have social anxiety, i thought veiling would be worth a try so that public places perhaps wouldn't get overwhelming as fast. well, that backfired because before i could try it, i realized i was trans and the head covering made me feel very dysphoric when i put it on at home. i never attempted anything similar again after that.

- ancestor work

i lost someone really close to me in early 2020. she wasn't a blood relative, but she was my dad's best friend, our landlord (who lived in the same house as we did by the way) and she saw me grow up since i was a baby. i was so desperate to try and talk to her. i tried to reach her myself, i asked other witches for help, but it never worked. after a while i decided to let her be, because the constant getting my hopes up and then being disappointed didn't help my mental health. i just wanted to know if she was okay now, but i think i just have to trust that she is. as for my other ancestors, i don't know anything about them and i am not really interested in finding out. i wasn't close with any of my great grandparents because we saw each other about once a year until they died. they didn't do anything wrong, but i don't want to force a connection.

- dragon work

damn. i really love dragons. all my life and with all my heart. and i truly believe that they are out there (not physically, like dinosaurs were, but in a similar way the gods are out there). i've done a lot of research on the topic, but my mental health got in the way. i don't have the concentration to reach out to them, nor will i be able to dedicate a specific amount of time to them regularly, which i feel like they won't like. i will try again when and if i get better, but until then it goes on this list of witchcraft things that didn't work for me and why.

I've been a fan of your music long enough to remember when you used to identify as trans fem. what's it been like circling back around to that and figuring out your identity now that you're doing it sort of in the public eye?

honestly it’s been nicer this time around. i sense a kindred spirit in every trans woman i talk to and it’s really lovely hearing from those who related to my music and figured out their own identity through that. it’s giving me a space where i know i will be accepted. i still boymode pretty often on the road and before tour was nearly always boymoding… there’s almost a safety on stage but despite being literally a performance it feels more real than when i’m not presenting fem. i’ve also now been girlmode out in public a lot after shows and not attracted any negative attention which is nice. even when there was an alt right harassment campaign against the band account they were gendering me correctly.

years ago it was much tougher for me, wearing feminine clothes at random diy shows or whatever. it was often in spaces that were anti transphobia on paper but did nothing to enforce against transmisogyny in practice. even in explicitly queer spaces i felt outcast. online was even harsher - which is really what made me increasingly scared to present fem as there were more and more eyes on me. there were many many trans women i looked up to a lot then but i felt they were so much braver than me. being nonbinary and vaguely “masculine” became a shield at the cost of being called a dude or a guy or just assumed to be male absolutely constantly, and after enough of it i kinda just didn’t want to show my face anywhere… the irony of having made what many considered to be iconic transfem music while feeling so closeted myself was honestly insulting.

with the recent album release and tour it kinda hit a breaking point because i knew a big wave of misgendering was coming if i wasn’t just honest with myself and everyone else. even saying she/they was softening the blow a bit. lots of people just stuck with they. and plenty of writers & critics still seem blissfully unaware that there is anything queer about me or my band or are simply too scared to write about it, idk. but i feel like i’ve come out of my shell a good bit. i’m not just playing shows, i’ve been able to socialize and party on off days and speak my mind more freely and dress in a way that makes me feel pretty. it’s really like flipping a switch - not just for me, but everybody else. EVERYONE treats me differently when i girlmode and i love it so so much, i feel like others are more willing to open up and to treat me with kindness and (respectfully) compliment my appearance and i feel like women (cis and trans) relate to me more, which is a whole lot better than feeling like i relate to nobody most of the time. it’s an entirely different set of social scripts that just feel so much more “right” to me, so much easier for me to embody, than the male social scripts. i know a lot of people feel like gender is bullshit and bad inherently and good for them but for me that mentality was a way to hide it think. i feel absolutely liberated in embracing femininity! :) thank you for the lovely question, i have so much to say on this

You wanna know what fucking sucks about the trans andro crowd? You know besides the fact that all it takes is a transfem breathing the wrong direction at them for them to call her a Terf. The fact that they have the SHEER GAUL to claim it is in the name of TransUnity.

You wanna know what trans unity was? It was a term created for us to rally around when this tide of genocidal legislation started rising. To gather around and show SUPPORT for one another. To mobilize and RESIST this wave of hatred.

And tbros saw this as a very convenient shield, an uno reverse card, something to accuse other people of being against when they themselves aren't performing it. If you call them out on their infighting and punching across they will use the very fact that your criticizing them of this to argue that actually? NO! YOUR infighting!

None of these tbros are going in counter protest to ACTUAL Terf rallies. They aren't spreading donation posts. They aren't talking about news about daily anti-trans laws being put forth and trying to resist them. No. They spend their whole time trying to Gotcha! Trans women.

You know what people interested in ACTUAL TransUnity don't do? We don't have our top blog actively promote a blog dedicated to block evading (while simultaneously blocking out all criticism) to grab full username screenshots of trans folks they want to witch hunt and put them next to hate anons from feds calling them shit like zipper tits in order to whip up their audience to either sent hate or to EXCLUDE THEM. Like actually patting themselves on the back that they got swaths of the community to denounce and exclude us. All while trying to claim it's not transmisoginistic because they're MAINLY targeting other transmen. You know. Those trans men who said "actually that's kinda fucked up. I'ma actually stand in solidarity with my sisters" who were immediately branded as traitors by them. DEFINITELY not an attempt to separate us from the few allies we have while simultaneously telling those in your community "THIS is what happens if you stand against us!"

They don't "joke" about their group chat of Transandrophobia truthers that have been called transmisoginsts so many times that they see calling themselves that as an inside joke signalling each other to swarms posts about transmisoginy.

They don't purposely form insular communities where the only transfems allowed are those who sign at the gate they agree to every single say and they have social clout within that circle for organizing it. They don't try to USE said clout to try and redefine the TERF for these people in a way that would give them the position to call transfems TERFs (which they themselves admit to being a former member of).

And they don't try to discredit and not read arguments from the other side by screenshoting their bios to see if there's anything that they can point out that in their opinion shouldn't be listened to in the first place from "oh she's a white uwu cat girl" to "oh she's a bi lesbian". For all of the hand wringing that the trans andro crowd goes on about how "everyone listens to trans women over trans men and we just get ignored" they CERTAINLY don't have ANY interest in actually listening to trans women. There are no attempts at appeals to our arguments. No "I can see why trans women feel this way and I want to acknowledge their oppression while still advocating for mine" just "oh so you just hate trans men". No attempts at actual UNDERSTANDING trans women who feel hurt by their actions.

Your telling me the crowd who so ADAMANTLY opposed the terms transmisoginy and tme/tma in the first place. Who viewed every post of transfems complaining about the intracommunity oppression they felt as a personal attack on them. Your telling me these people should be given the benefit of the doubt when they try to argue for their own term which is DEFINITELY not reactionary to transmisoginy.

Your going to tell me the crowd that has convinced themselves that they are in a subculture war against transfems have their hearts in the right place and are trying to bring the community together when they are actively working to exclude transfems and their allies from the queer community?

Yall should find FUCKING APPALLING these people who've only ever acted like exclusionary bullies about their politics take a term that was supposed to be a rallying cry for trans people and turn it into the "so much for the tolerant left" but for the queer community, to demand all of the patience and consideration in the world while giving none. I don't even have to argue against their theory. Their actions speak louder than words.

In regards to the recent flurry of trans related asks, I have a couple things to say:

I have felt like I wanted to be a girl for a long time. It's only recently that I came out to my close social circle as trans. Im still pre transition, and it will probably stay that way until i move out of my parents' house.

Its been a bit of a struggle for me as I have a lot of dysphoria over my body and struggle with the feeling that I won't turn out as a pretty girl. Imposter syndrome has also been a big issue as I have had a lot of thoughts that I'm not really a girl as I have done absolutely no transitioning yet. I'm afraid that if I call myself a woman or a lesbian, people will think I'm trying to intrude.

Reading these posts has helped me a lot. It's so good (in a manner of speaking) to know that others have gone through what I'm going through, and it's not exclusive to me. It's really allowed me to accept myself a little more and rekindled my excitement to transition once I move out!

So thank you all for the posts, and thank you, Lilith, for being the catalyst, which allowed everyone to share these experiences and for just being a really cool human being in general.

You're all beautiful <3

IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT EVERYONE SHARING THEIR EXPERIENCES IS VALIDATING SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE WORRIED.

YOU ARE ALL VALID AND BEAUTIFUL AND WE ARE ALL ROOTINTG FOR YOU

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The first time you felt butterflies seeing your old guy friends got you shocked. You swore you like girls only. But then the feelings for boys amplified even more further your transition. It wasn’t just their face anymore. It was their chests, their legs, their muscles, their shoulders, their back, their... hnngg... your imaginations started to “rewire” themselves into a woman’s desires. YOUR desires! Once you started to feel envy of hot girls, you realized your old vitality also changed. The truth is, you aren’t just seeking someone hot. You also seek for validation as a woman. And being seen as one by a handsome man gets you so euphoric! Don’t be afraid of your changes, girl! Embrace it. What’s to be afraid of losing other than yourself to the pleasure?

Note: This is not to be taken as an “autogynephilia” caption. This is about the complex changing sexuality of trans girls. DO NOT follow me if you are “autogynephilic”! Leave your transphobic BS out of here!

If it feels so hot all of a sudden, that’s because you may have a secret underneath you. This spicy caption uses a pic found in Audrina Patridge’s “Me in my Place” photoshoot. One of my favorite captions used this pic and it took me a while to find the original source since it’s been long gone. I wanted to give my twist in this. But while this caption can be portrayed as fiction, it also describes the changing sexuality of what transgender women and girls actually go through. How and why it happens remains unanswered. Some say it’s due to the HRT one takes. Others say it’s due to an oppressed attraction one explores as they transition into another gender or identity. But contrary to fictional belief, this sudden change causes dysphoria for many due to circumstances such as internal homophobia prior to transition or the fear of dealing with transphobia present in dating circles, be it cis men or even other girls. The truth is, dating as a trans girl is difficult since cisgender people opt out of it, sometimes to the point of reacting to violence if they find out their partner is trans. But like everything else, there is always a bright side and finding your perfect guy/girl who validates you is like finding a needle in a haystack. If you’re a trans girl who is dealing with this situation, find some support groups who can help you. I often find trans support groups here and on Reddit will gladly give you helpful answers, especially in today’s tumultuous social circles. You got this!

hi Im the same ex transmasc anon who sent you that aask about rhe tumblr ban thing, I did a lot of reading without forcing myself away this time. (I used to look at radblr sometimes bc I got curious, but when it started making too much sense i would make myself stop reading and tell myself I was being manipulated and try to forget about it..looking back that probably wasnt normal haha,)

I have mixed feelings tho. I don’t regret looking closer, the amount of sexism in the trans community was horrible. I think even radfems don’t understand how bad it was because it was all subtle styff. But seeing it constantly irl and online was terrible for me as a female. It gave me so much internalized misogyny, it made me hate myself and I felt worthless and stupid! and whiny! and annoying! all the time!! unless I was able to be perceived as a man. I felt like I had to be a man to have any respect in the community. I remember being so amazed to see abortion be covered by trans people I followed in even a reblog because it was the first time I saw people in the community talk about female issues at all. Even then it was covered with disclaimers and terfs DNI banners. male,opinions were always prioritized.

I thought this was dysphoria and a sign I was really a man. then I started reading radfem things and its like that feeling instantly lifted. I felt respected, listened to, even though I wasn’t speaking. It was also like all this stuff I’d internalized from being female, all the trauma around sex based oppression, was actually being addressed. in trans circles you get called a terf for acknowledging females face any kind of oppression (they acknowledge sex when it’s to talk about how hard male loneliness is on young trans women, and how the incel to trans woman pipeline happens, though…)

but the reason I have mixed feelings is bc I now feel….dumb? And afraid. And angry. I spend well over a decade being part of this community, half my friends are in the community, I’ve been trans since I was 9. My typings not the best… dyslexia sucks lol. But I like to think I’m smart. Now I don’t know,

And it makes me think totally different of these people I saw as progressive cis male allies, who were so loud about trans rights and hating JKR and terfs. Now they just feel like the same flavor of anti-feminist man I hate.

And the community is so huge and it’s so widely accepted and I don’t know how to deal!

But I am happy to be a woman now. In a healthy way I haven’t been for a long time. thats all that matters.

I'm sorry for everything you were put through. Many girls and women have been sucked into this thinking it will provide a solution for their distress at the social ramifications of the body they're born in, only for more people, namely men, to take advantage of their distress and gain power over them. As you mentioned, even "cis" men get in on the action when they justify intimidating and threatening women with violence in response to perceived transphobia. It's a terrible situation to be in. Made worse when you can't openly talk about with people you're close to for fear of alienating them.

I think you should give yourself more credit. You ARE smart. You questioned what you were told was never allowed to be questioned and realized you were being misled. And what you said about trying to make yourself forget the realizations you've had, that is normal. It's a difficult and scary thing to hold opinions that conflict with those of the majority of your peers. I think it's like the climax of cognitive dissonance -- when what you know is true clashes so hard against what you want to believe, you find it impossible to justify anymore, so you just resort to pretending you never learned the information in the first place. Been there.

I'm just being a stereotype now, but there's a classic Dworkin quote for this:

"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."

Anyway my point is, don't beat yourself up. I'm really happy to read that you're accepting your womanhood, it's a hard journey but it's worth it to have a good relationship with yourself. And in my experience (at the sage and wisened age of 25) that it gets easier as you get older. You work through mistakes, and that prepares you to handle the next mistake better. You're right, your health and happiness is all that matters, keep striving for that and it will steer you right.

I wanted to give you some reading recommendations, you mentioned you have dyslexia but I believe these two are available in audiobook form if that's up your alley:

Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference by Cordelia Fine

Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez

There are tons more great books on feminism but these two are my go-tos for hard facts on gender, socialization, and the systematic discrimination against women worldwide through biases that are built into society.

Well uh; TLDR thanks for gracing my inbox, anon :) Hope you keep well.

Okay so speaking as a long time fanfic author and aspiring books author,Percy works best as a trans girl from a writing standpoint and not just because she'd be extremely good rep.Percy being a cis guy who's stereotypically masculine is forced characterization because she has no reason to want to be one-She had no positive male role models growing up.There were definitely male teachers who were mean-spirited to her as much as female ones,Poseidon abandoned her and even after they met he prioritized her or at least treated her like a father who genuinely loves his daughter out of just her being his child instead obligation a grand total of zero times,Smelly Gabe is self-explanatory and Luke abused her too right from the start by gaslighting her.All she had was Sally so it's realistic that Percy would think women are better than men and not give a shit about being manly and preferring femininity

It's semi-canon that Percy has a trauma based dislike of men if we're looking at subtext-In the og series,she speaks much more positively of the girls around than she does the boys and she actually trash talks the latter while using being hypermasculinity as an insult,such as implying Ares is ugly multiple times.And one of the three male friends she has vs being friends with almost every girl in her age range?Nico,Pjo's first canon mlm.This just absolutely screams 'baby gays spotting eachother without either knowing they're not cishet yet' and it's only added on to by how devoted they are to eachother despite the problems in their relathionship.Plus,just sayin',but the explicit reason Nico got over his crush on Percy is that she wasn't a traditional male hero like he thought she was

On similar note,Rachel is a lot like many irl lesbians and her and Percy remain besties after their break up and the first point applies to Reyna too,who liked Percy and likewise after taking away the posibility of romance to their dynamic,they remained great friends and it's a common tgirl experience to still be close to all your ex girlfriends in a platonic way post-egg cracking.Percy reminds me so much of so many of my trans woman friends in tons of ways and i've seen others say the same and back to my first point,the logical conclusion to Percy hating having to be a man who's super masculine is to make her a woman who's super feminine so she can be happy so this all comes full circle

And onto specifics for the Pjo storylines and developments,Percy gains even more depth if she's a trans woman.A self admitted former 'troubled kid' who just wants to be normal but is always getting shoved into a role she dosen't want by people who think they know better than her despite barely knowing her,Luke's fixation on targeting younger girls can be told as a feminist tale by having her the hero of the prophecy instead of him and also be the one to kill him to avenge her female friends and you cannot tell me that the idea of the protagonist of one of the best children's books series out there being a trans girl who's got bad social skills,anger issues and merciless tendencies but never gets demonized for them,is the funniest person in the whole franchise,hyperfemme too and the fucking daughter of Poseidon isn't based as all fuck

She would also help Annabeth's character development by teaching her to not be a pick me anymore and Annabeth would thank her by teaching her to be more self-confident,Nico and her would've become found siblings and Nico and eventually Hazel could've even been adopted by Sally because of it,her transfemininity would've changed the angles of her dynamics with the gods to make them make more interesting,we could dive into how Pjoverse greco-roman mythos play into transgenderism and other types of queerness,Percy's already canon present Team Mom habits and hinted love for cute and 'kiddy' things would be used to their full potential like they deserve,it opens to door to an even more interesting potential romantic dynamic with Jason and there's definitely way more

I'm not sure how to end this so i will make a /hj:Percy Jackson is a female protagonist of all time

Hello, this ask is probably going to be rather heavy, so it's fine if you don't want to respond to it.

So my situation is that for several years (from 13 to 17) I considered myself to be a man trapped in a woman's body and wanted to transition to become "my true self". However, since then I became gender critical and stopped pursuing transition because it would not fix my internal issues and above all it would not actually ever make me male. So transitioning became pointless to me.

Now as an adult however, I've recently started feeling my desire to transition creeping back on me, although this time it was because of how apparent it became to me how misogyny all around the world is seen as a non-issue. Every day I hear of women dying, being sexually assaulted, forcefully impregnated and in general being disrespected by everyone. All of this became too much for me to handle so that's why my desire for transition came back. (Not to mention that I'm the only GNC woman in my social circles, so there is also the added alienation from other women.)

I think my question is: is it really that bad to transition in order to avoid or at least lessen the amount of misogyny i face every day? I know that by doing so I would be throwing other women under the bus, but I'm not mentally strong enough to challenge the oppression women face. I know that transitioning would make me miserable in many ways and probably physically sick as well (with all the hormonal side effects), but at least it would mean that men would harass me less. I'd rather be safe than happy.

you don’t need anyone’s permission to make that choice, but i will reflect back to you some of the truly limited insight i can glean from this message:

you already think transition will be bad for you, both for your physical body and your mental health.

you don’t seem to believe the central tenet of gender ideology that generally allows trans people to persist in their identification.

you seem like you feel isolated and alone, mentioning being the only GNC woman in your group. perhaps trying to find other GNC women is a safer and more attractive goal for you than transitioning?

you’re right that misogyny is everywhere, but some of the examples you mention make me think you’re spending a lot of time online where your exposure to these things may be magnifying the role they’re playing in your everyday life. maybe i’m wrong and all these things are truly happening TO you, but if they’re not, there’s no shame in limiting your exposure to them. same concept as doom-scrolling affecting how people view society. you don’t need this, but i give you permission to look away from the carnage sometimes so that you may look upon your own life with love and appreciation, because there likely are things there to love and appreciate.

you aren’t single-handedly responsible for challenging the oppression women face, and an inability to fix it all doesn’t mean whatever you can do (something as seemingly small as being a visibly masculine woman who gives a little girl hope for how she can be in the future) isn’t meaningful.

best of luck to you, and i get it; it makes sense to want to hide, and camouflage is a widely used survival technique in prey animals. but our lives are not so purely animalistic, we must also create meaning to live fully. i want that for you as i want that for me.

gods, i'm quite jealous of your social circles. over here queer groups/gatherings, and somehow especially trans ones, are FUCKING obsessed with agab. which is just so baffling. we're being fuck gender roles, normative sexuality &c, and then people turn around and are like "except birth assignment is the MOST IMPORTANTEST EVAH". transmisogyny does shit to people i feel, fucks them up bad, and i'm not just saying that as a trans woman directly affected, that shit & the wellspring of thought it stems from fucking poisons communities

Yepp it's maddennning. And I think, to be fair, that my ability to escape a lot of this shit in gay male spaces is still a reflection of transmisogny, or rather my privilege as someone not transmisogny affected. I generally notice that gay male spaces do tend to treat trans women as though they belong there, but that can itself be invalidating, in much the same way that when lesbian spaces try to include me I'm just driven up the wall with annoyance. I wish that trans women, trans wlw especially, could be treated in the blase, hey, of course you belong here, we don't see you differently kind of way I am in gay spaces. I have seen a BIT of that at Dorothy's, and some more cruise-y lesbian spaces and lesbian leather events when I've been there with friends, but I know the social landscape as a whole is just way worse for them... more women centered queer spaces seem to be far more interested in birth assignment for a lot of reasons and it's gross. And sadly many "trans" spaces are historically an offshoot of "women and nonbinary" events and show that influence in how they think about gender. Hence my perennial not-quite-a-joke that I'd like to see a hell of a lot more men and nonbinary spaces lol.

I’ve been struggling how to word this, and I’m sure it sounds terrible, but I don’t have much sympathy for de trans ppl. I’m not saying they deserve it or that I’m happy some suffered, especially if they’re young but it’s really difficult to hold sympathy and concern when most trans ppl are very obnoxious and delusional. Let me explain: I have a lot of trans friends that it’s very difficult to get them to listen and they’re very stuck in their mindset. I know a guy who looks like a man, calls himself nonbinary and has said he uses the woman bathroom. He takes estrogen and use to have a big beard. I asked him why he wasn’t shaving before and he said his beard doesn’t cause him dysphoria….it seems like a lot of trans ppl are very narcissistic and don’t listen anyway. It’s like when you’re trying to help someone and they keep rejecting you and falling deeper. I am worried one of my friends will definitely de transition in the future, and by then well, it’s gonna be too late, the testosterone has done its damage and she will suffer. I read the de trans subreddit, and I do feel sorry for some and most talk about isolating themselves from family and friends. sorry this is getting long. I feel bad about it, and I’m trying to hard to emphasize but many trans ppl make it difficult. It feels like a massive “I told you so” situation. Please give me advice on how to develop a kinder understanding so I can stop feeling guilty…..

So I wanted to take my time to answer this one because I think this taps into an especially heinous thing the modern left + social media has done to people and it’s the belief that a good person has endless empathy for everyone always and has special empathy for marginalized people.

But here’s the truth. You literally aren’t built for it. At the most basic psychological level you are not designed to have deep empathy for strangers. Your brain has a hierarchy of how much you care about others and a healthy mind prioritizes the people closest to you. More importantly, love and empathy are finite. You actually do have a limit on how many people you can truly care about. That’s not my opinion it’s proven science. We have a literal number (I think it’s about 80).

So it’s a beautiful thing when we care about people outside of our circle. It’s even more beautiful when we care about people far away that aren’t like us. But it’s beautiful precisely because it isn’t natural. It’s a conscious effort to care enough about earthquake victims on the other side of the planet to donate and raise awareness.

My point being that it’s okay that you don’t overflow with love for a group that is hostile towards you AND is full of narcissistic trenders. You can have sympathy for the people that regret surgery without absolving them. And maybe I intuitively understood this because I had to love so many addicts growing up. But empathy doesn’t mean never holding people accountable. It breaks my heart that my aunt has emphysema but she brought that fate on herself, one cigarette at a time. You can have sympathy for people with genuine dysphoria and still think they’re deluded. You can have sympathy for people that were brainwashed as kids and still expect them to examine their values. And you can think others are just self absorbed assholes. You can condemn the patriarchy for convincing so many young that they are worthless that they are choosing the Trans man path and still hold them accountable for throwing around homophobic slurs. You can have sympathy for trans women that are fighting sepsis from bottom surgery and still regard most of them as sex pests.

Empathy is finite. It is not on or off. It is not something we owe to a person because they are struggling.

Treat the people around you with kindness and respect. Pour your energy into a few meaningful things instead of dozens of empty ‘causes’. Torturing yourself over if you feel nice enough on the inside is so…Catholic. It’s female socialization.

Breathe. You’re a good person.