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aspenwriter · 1 year

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Boysmell, Chapter 2

(CW: Smut)

After a few hours relaxing in Alex’s pocket, Alice decided to peek out.

Alex was resting on his back, and apparently sleeping. They were, also apparently, on Alex’s couch. The same couch they had both used while marathoning series or playing videogames, now was like the throne of a god. Alice had to balance herself against the rhythmic ups and downs of Alex’s chest as the giant boy breathed in and out, and admittedly, it was harder than expected.

Alice decided it was enough of resting already. She was, for some reason, barely inches tall and while she appreciated Alex’s help there was no excuse for delay now, as her entire life was in jeopardy. With great difficulty, Alice crawled from Alex’s chest to the boy’s face.

If anything, her greatest distractor was Alex’s aroma. The soft musk of sweat and cologne he always had was intensified by several orders of magnitude hare, on this scale. It was now strong, and basically the only thing that Alice could smell now.

“Oh there you are sleepyhead!” A familiar yet booming voice came from in front of her.

“Alex?” Alice asked to his giant friend “You were awake?”

“Aha!” he said. “I just like, wanted to see you crawling in my chest and all…” He giggled. Even at this scale it was cute when he giggled.

Alice laughed. “Don’t make me crawl if I don’t need to, you dumbass!” She said.

“Aw, there’s no fun in that.” Alex said, with an obviously fake and dramatized sad tone.

Alice laughed again. Alex laughed too. Alice had to really put a great deal of effort in not rolling over Alex’s chest. She was grabbing her friend’s shirt as it was the only way for her not to fall over.

When they finally stopped, Alice took a long breath and said “It’s so good to have you helping me out on this.”

“No problem!” Alex responded “Doing my part!” he said, with a fake military salute.

Alice took her time to accommodate herself on her best friend’s chest, crossd her legs, and asked.“So, what now, Alex? We should get some help”

“Well, there is no need to go find help just yet don’t you think?” he answered.

Alice was baffled by that statment. What the hell was Alex thinking? Was this all a big joke to him? Where was his sense of urgency? “WHAT?! ALEX LOOK AT ME!” Alice said, pointing at herself. “In case you haven't noticed, I'm SMALL!”

“Hey, hey it’s ok” Alex said “I know this is hard on you, I know this is weird and bizarre and unexplainable and we’re going to look for help but why don’t we like, chill for a bit?”

“What do you mean?" Alice said, still baffled at her friend’s characteristic relaxed attitude even in such situations.

“I mean you’re so small right now… isn’t it exciting for you?” he said.

“I don’t see how this could be fucking exciting, Alex”. Alice said.

“I get it, I get it, I really do but isn’t it amazing to see the world from this new perspective?” Alex said with a smile. “You’re probably the first person in that condition. You’re seeing things no human was ever seen before, you can do things no one has ever believed could be done!”

“I suppose you’re right…” Alice said. Maybe it was just that Alex wanted to cheer her up. Maybe he just wanted to put a positive spin on this horrible day. What could go wrong with a little positivity in her life? Alice felt almost guilty for screaming at him. Alex was doing his best to keep her morale up.

“Yeah! There's like, sooo many fun things we could do right now!” Alex said, cheerfully.

Alice felt admittedly a little nervous by that statement. Not because she distrusted Alex as a person, but she distrusted, at least a bit, his definition of ‘fun’. Of course there was no harm in trying to do something fun at her size but what was Alex thinking of? Meekly, she asked:

“L-like what?”

“Like this! Watch!” Alex said.

A giant hand came from her left to grab her. It was so fast Alice didn’t have time to protest, resist or even gasp. Suddenly, she was trapped on a warm fleshy box of fingers and palm. Alex, on his part, jumped out of the couch with her best friend tightly secured in his hand and gently dropped Alice beside his feet.

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE SOOOO SMALL NOW!” he said, like an excited little boy.

Alice suffered a little vertigo and some dizziness from changing environments so fast, and by looking up at his friend’s giant form like this. It was very different from their first encounter as shrinkee and man, as Alex was resting on a bench. Now, at his full height, he truly felt like a massive, walking and breathing skyscraper.

“Let’s play a game!” He announced.

Alice still hadn’t stood up as she tried to respond “What kind of game?”

“Cat and Mouse!” Alex declared.

Alice was well aware of the implications that choice of game had. Fuck. She really couldn’t get mad at Alex. After all, if any person had to find her while she was just some inches tall she was thankful it was him. But still, he could be a little more comprehensive with her situation.

Alex was a giggling giant. He jumped back, making Alice trip and fall to the floor again as she was just standing up. And then he said “ON YOUR MARKS”

Alice wasn’t ready.

“SET”

She had finally stood up. Like an animal, she instinctively looked for hiding spots, cover, anything that could help. The couch? Yes she could go under it as long as-

“GO!”

Alright, there was no time to think. Alice ran to the underside of the couch as fast as she could. But all it took was Alex taking a single, loud step for the tremors it made to make her trip and fall.

Alice rolled over her back to stand up quickly, but Alex was already over her. She waited for his hand to snatch her out from the floor, instead…

Alex's sock-clad foot came down on her. Alice's reflexes acted up and she covered her face waiting for the worst. But obviously, her friend had no intention of crushing her. Instead, his foot gently pressed her against the floor, pinning her down, and preventing her from making any movement.

It wasn’t Alex’s foot that was bothering Alice right now. Not his foot per se. It was the smell of the foot.

Alex had clearly worn his shoes all day and it showed. His socks were soggy and dirty and all around her was the smell of sweat trapped within a shoe and a sock. Even if Alice squirmed and pushed, there was no way for her to realistically take it off from her.

“Take this of me now!” She screamed up. Unintentionally opening her mouth and letting the humid fibers of the sock in for a brief moment. It tasted horrible, bitter and salty. Alice dreaded the fact that Alex could have noticed it.

“Uhhh, don't wanna” He said, with a lightheaded tone.

“ALEX!” Alice screamed again. Although this time with just a little bit of genuine anger in her.

“Ok, ok! No problem!” Alex said, gently removing his foot and looking down mockingly on his best friend laying on the floor, a sight that made him giggle like an amused young boy yet again.

Alice took the first chance she got to try to rise up from the floor. It was a nice attempt, but Alex just shoved his foot right back in. Again, he used little force. A mere touch was all it took to make Alice fall back down on her ass again.

“Sorry!” He said “It’s just so much fun to see you down there like that!” He said, and honestly, Alex was speaking the truth here. Watching her best friend pinned down, hopelessly fighting for release against not him, but just his foot, was the most amusing thing that Alex had seen in his life.

“IT’S NOT FUNNY, ALEX” Alice shouted at him. Now, she was definitely annoyed by her friend’s teasing attempts.

“Aw come on, it really is” Alex said, pouting. “You’d do the same if I were tiny, you have to admit this is really funny”

“IT 'S NOT!” Alice said.

She gave up. Alice stopped squirming and pushing and fighting to reflect on her position. Alex was merely teasing her, that was right. But he was just so much more powerful than her now. If he had wanted to, he could have crushed her like a bug several times over.

And then it sank in. She was powerless. She depended on Alex for everything now. Her life was entirely reliant on his whims.

Alex, above, felt how Alice suddenly stopped and removed his foot to reveal her friend curled up and crying. Concerned. he backed off and dropped to the floor on his belly, in a position that best allowed him to look Alice eye-to-eye.

“Look, I’m sorry if it got out of hand, it’s just kind of irresistible” He apologized.

Alice cleaned her tears with the sleeves of her dress, and took a big breath. “Don’t worry Alex, I guess I’m going through a bad moment, that's all” she said, still depressed.

“I’m sorry, again” Alex said with concern in his voice “Do you need me to do anything for you?”

“I need you to get help!” Alice said. “Just look at me! I don’t know what happened to me. I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know if it’s even possible for me to grow back! We need to get someone! A scientist or a doctor or anyone!”

“That’s going to be a bit of a problem” Alex said, backing off a little “you smell like feet right now. I believe you should clean yourself up a bit before going to meet anyone else, it would be a bad first impression if you roll up smelling like some dirty socks.”

That was very much true. Alex’s smell had somehow stuck to her. It was everywhere in her dress, hair, and face.

“I smell like YOUR feet because of YOU!” Alice shouted at her friend. “You should be the one finding a solution!”

“Well… I can help you smell nicely right now!” He said. “Although you probably wouldn't like it. The thing is, I've been chewing mint gum all day, you know?

Alice connected the dots immediately. “Oh no, don't you da-”

Alex, in an almost feline motion, lunged forward to grab Alice with his mouth. Only her kicking feet were out of his body, and he promptly pushed them in as he stood. He wasn’t lying, his mouth did smell nicely.

“ALEX!” Alice said. “LET ME OUT THIS INSTA-” and again, Alice was interrupted by Alex’s mouth. His tongue, acting as a bathing sponge, licked Alice’s entire body. From her feet up to her head, Alex spared no place from his tongue.

He went back to the couch, playing with his little prey on his mouth. Alex moved Alice from cheek to cheek, between his teeth. Covered her entire body with his saliva. He even took the care to give Alice some brief moments of respite to catch her breath.

After a few minutes, Alex opened his palm right below his mouth, and gently dropped her friend from inside of him, covered in a blob of mint-scented saliva. Alice’s hair was a mess now, and her pretty dress would need a wash later, but she was otherwise unharmed.

“There! Now you smell like fresh mint!”

Alice had cried a lot while inside Alex’s mouth. It wasn’t that she felt violated by him, not at all. It was all too frequent among the pair to grab each other unannounced and to sleep together occasionally. Intimacy among them was no taboo.

No, Alice had cried because there was nothing she could do to stop him.

But right now she wasn’t crying. As her mess of a saliva-soaked body tried to find her footing in Alex’s palm she just laughed nervously.

“I guess we can look for help now?” She asked

“First we wait for you to have an actual bath, silly”

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usamey · 4 years

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THIS FUCKER

#i had a crush on a cat boy...i know... take me away boys😔🔗🚓#but in my defense he was flirty and called you ‘princess’ and i thought that was Very Cute of him #he was supposed to be this rogue loner bad boy #but he ended up being this silly goofy flirt who i absolutely ADORED when i was younger #he cute :)#crushposting #egads! it speaks!#I NEVER EVEN TALKED ABOUT RHE THING #HOLY SHIT OKAY #so a couple weeks ago my cousin stayed over #and we like NEVER get to see each other #so we wanted to make the most of each minute #so we pulled an all nighter #and i was used to sleeping for like 15 hours a day so this was a MEGA shock to my body cuz i canNOT go without sleep #so in order to keep me awake i decide to play VIDEOGAMES #one thing leads to another and im playing old Dating Sims and this was one of them #and it’s SUPER late (early??) the point was i was DYING #and because i was all sleep deprived i started hallucinating #and i go loopy when i go 10 minutes past bedtime so imagine me but HOURS past bedtime #im going bonkers #anyways i start hallucinating this catboy right? and i start laughing #HYSTERICALLY #im like cackling and snorting and the whole works #and my cousin get concerned and she’s like tf??? are you okay???#and i try to tell her what’s so funny. in my brain i am saying ‘cat boy’ but that shit went thru Bonkersville and it came out as ‘cat phone’#so now im vividly seeing a Garfield Phone in front of me. i KNOW there was no Garfield phone but it seemed really real #so now im HOWLING with laughter (and at ass o clock in the morning too) over a phucking Garfield phone #i cannot remember what happened afterwards but before i blacked out i remember t posing over her #and yeah moral of the story is get enough sleep! :)

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darkacademicfrom2021 · 3 years

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The Dark Team (part 13)

<<Previous part Masterlist Next part>>

(Taglist: @lucywrites02, @louieboo87, @the-departed-potato, @jesuswasnotawhiteman, @idontknow296, @beksib, @spythoschei, @geekwritersworld, @whatafuckingdumbass, @mysticunicorn7 @shadowolf993 @toe-vind-ek-jou @joscelyn02, @t00-pi, @irwxnhugsx )

Warnings: creepy man, hungover (alcohol mentions), abduction mentions.

Chirping birds woke you up as the light hit your face. It was a slightly sunny morning, you could see. A cold one, too. Your head ached; yesterday’s wine was stronger than you’d think. You remembered very little, and the hangover weighed on your feet as you tried to stand up. Soon, that weight redistributed up to your head, dizziness almost throwing you back in bed.

With much more effort than before, you got up and walked slowly to the kitchen, glancing around. Last night, a sticky kid fell asleep on the doorframe. You chuckled and decided to not wake him up. Loki was nowhere to be found; must be sleeping in his own room, if he had one by then.

An ibuprofen and some cold water later, you checked the time. It was so early; six in the morning. You decided to get working already; maybe someone on the team was awake. If not, you could at least take things off your to-do list for the day and get time free at noon to play videogames with Peter, or help him with that Lego Stark Tower he has been trying to build for almost two weeks now. A nice walk in the park to get some fresh air until some coffee shop opened; that’s what you needed.

The streets were emptier than you’d imagine, and then you realized it was saturday. Peeping in, a coffee shop next block was already opening, and people were lining up to get in. You made sure to have brought money and a laptop with you, and as you reached your pockets you realized you had your suit on, under normal clothes. Well, at least I’m prepared for anything now. Even a sunday morning in a lovely coffee shop, you thought, laughing to yourself. If Tony saw you like this, he’d recall that word he says you inherited from him. Paranoid. But no, Stark, I’m just hungover. Good to know your first instinct once you get up off bed is to suit up. Tony'd be proud. And a little disappointed, too.

You got a table far from the window, wall behind your back making sure nobody could eye your laptop. Once you were settled in and your coffee was getting cold, you started working. You were so glad you were out of the public eye, so you could afford yourself all of these outside activities. Sounded stupid, but if you were to have dinner with Sam, or Steve, or Thor, you’d have to also deal with paparazzis all night long. Actually, in dining out with Thor, paparazzis would be the least of your problems.

“Hey”, greeted Bucky from the other line. “It’s so early, what are you doing up?”.

“Buck, it’s already ten”.

“Oh”, he said, and you heard a sliding curtain by his side. “Oh, there it is. Sunlight”.

“Why are your times all twisted?”.

“We stayed up until five”.

“Doing what?”.

“Let’s say the mini bar was not so mini”.

“Oh my God”, you laughed, and checked for your work on the laptop. “At this point, I think the only one who didn’t get drunk last night is Spidey. Ah. Listen, I’ve arranged today’s plan, and it has to go right or else you can get abducted again. And we don’t want that, okay?”.

“I’m not sure what we’re supposed to do now. Didn’t we already get the stick?”.

“That’s the point, there’s more… you know, bottles hanging around” you lowered your voice. The coffee shop was almost empty, but just in case, you kept it under your breath. “That’s why you gotta get into Hydra’s last base again. Do not go alone”.

You instructed Bucky and then he tried his best to put you on speaker to the rest of the team, but failed. None of them could actually figure out how to do it; Steve was even less familiar with cell phones, and Thor… well, not even elaborating on him. The only Asgardian who seemed familiar enough with Midgard’s technologies was sleeping soundly on the compound. You had to explain the plan thoroughly another two times individually, and then finally hung up and got to work, sending them coordinates and turning off Hydra’s hacked security cameras.

Once they were already in, you had not much more to do. At least for a few hours, they’d be completely submerged in there, and your help wasn’t needed anymore. You still planned for some outcomes and didn’t even notice the man standing in front of you.

“Excus…”.

“OH... my God”, you gasped, taking yourself off your hyper focused state. The man chuckled. His teeth, yellow, seemed like he didn’t know anything about dental hygiene. His clothes were perfectly cleaned, though, in a tidy office-type suit; but his hair was hidden by a peaked cap that barely let you see his eye expressions. Very weird looking. Hard to read. Just now unemployed? Dressed like that to get attention? You frowned and closed all tabs, opening a fake account of email and some cheap online magazine. “What do you need?”.

“Can I sit here?”.

“No”.

He smiled weirdly and manspreaded in the chair you told him not to sit in. You sighed and rolled your eyes.

“What are you doing?”, he asked.

You ignore him and keep pretending to read your mails, eyeing how many people were in there too. It was getting fuller than before. If he wanted to steal your laptop he’d have to do it in front of all of these people, and cross the whole coffee shop. He wasn’t planning on stealing. You made a security copy of all the files anyways.

“You have pretty eyes”.

You ignored him again, but now understood his intentions. God, people could be so shameless sometimes. You literally told him to go away. You’ll repeat it, just in case he would actually listen this time.

“Go away”.

He chuckled and stayed in place.

“I just want to talk, sweetie”.

“Sure. I’m not interested”.

“You have a boyfriend?”.

“I have a very strong fist”.

He got closer, leaning on the table, and lowering his voice said “You’re working on the supersoldiers mission, yes?”.

You froze. Suddenly, the creepy man was a bigger threat than you’d anticipated. Your hand hovered over the gun in your pocket, holding strong eye contact with him.

“Who are you?”.

“What do you have in your pocket?”, he teased.

“Wanna find out?”, you threatened.

Looking over his shoulder, an all-too-familiar fifteen year old hid behind a pile of coffee cups from the bar counter, holding his breath to not laugh. You sighed and broke the tension.

“Funny. Very funny. I almost shoot you, you know”.

“That’s not a very good instinct”.

“Not an instinct, I truly wanted to shoot you”.

“You sure were, pancake”, he said as he transformed back into himself, still in those ugly clothes covering half his face. As he looked down to himself, he frowned and changed his clothes to an Asgardian armor. “But your mortal bullets would be no more than a caress to my skin”.

“Let’s give it a try, shall we?”, you cocked your gun, joking. He laughed, and Peter got increasingly nervous as you played with your toys in a public and safe place, surrounded by civilians. “Don’t worry, Pete, it’s fake”.

Peter sighed in relief as you clarified and put it back in your pocket, and Loki smirked, knowing perfectly well you just lied.

“Why don’t we get something to drink, too, mr. Loki?”.

“Yeah, whatever you want, kid”.

“Not a kid”.

“Apologies. Actually, can you order it? I’m afraid Midgardians don’t usually take kindly to my presence”, he asked. Peter nodded.

“I do, mr. Loki”.

"What?".

"Take it kindky".

Loki smiled and raised his eyebrows, a bit confused. Muttered an “I’m glad” and instructed him to get an americano, while you packed your laptop in the backpack.

"How's the incognito working out for you in your shiny armor?"

"Better than before. At least now I'm comfortable while getting the same bad looks I always get anyways".

"Shapeshifter can't manage to hide, how ironic", you said, giving him one of the new earbuds, with an attachable mic. "Since you have good strategy plans and you sort of know what you're doing, work with me".

"I thought we were already working together. You know, in this stupid thing called The Dark...".

"Yeah", you interrupted him, rolling your eyes once again. "From behind the scenes, I mean. This is so you can listen to whatever my earbud hears. Don't bite your tongue if you have any inputs, I'm running out of solutions".

Your phone rang again as you were getting up.

“Yes?”.

“It’s all gone to trash, y/n. We need a new plan, I can’t find Buck anywhere. What’s your backup?”, rushed Steve’s voice. It sounded like it was from a public service phone, and the static didn’t let you hear Steve’s surroundings. Loki looked at the floor, concentrating. He didn't find anything either, and was too far away to read his mind.

“Wait. What do you mean you can’t find him? You were supposed to keep an eye on him so he doesn’t get kidnapped again”, you said, opening your laptop again and looking for Bucky’s location. He didn’t have it on him.

“Yeah, that’s what I meant with ‘it’s all gone to trash’”.

“Okay, don’t freak out. Where are you?”.

“Hydra’s last base, top of the buil…”.

“Hold up, I have another incoming call”. You put him on hold and see who’s calling. It was Bucky, this time. You sigh out of relief. Peter watched you two concerned while approaching you with two coffee cups. You gestured to him to not talk, and Loki had started to type things in your computer. “Buck, where are you? What happened?”.

On the other side of the line, you didn’t get a specific answer. You heard muffled noises that you still couldn’t quite figure out what they meant, and more than one person behind the phone.

“Buck, you there?”, you asked once again. Bucky’s voice filled the silence with a heartrending scream of agony. You almost dropped your phone, and your heart beated to the speed of light. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. They have him. “Buck!”.

“Three hours”, called someone, probably one of the Hydra butchers. “You have three hours”.

“Three hours for what?!”, you tried to hold them on the line while tracing the call. It was from a specific coordinate, nobody could get there unless they teleported. Luckily, you had the perfect person for the job. Loki looked at you quizzically.

"Do we not have better people on it? Can't Stark go?".

You returned to Steve’s call, while thinking about some other alternative than taking you three there (including Peter). “They have Bucky. Location’s very far away from where we all are, so you try to get out of there and go to Asgard with Thor; they’ll try to kidnap you too, and Hydra’s resources are global. No, don’t argue, you screw up, now you do exactly as I say”.

“Do you think they’re the same that hijacked the ship on the first part of the mission?”, asked Loki once you cut the call.

“They might. We have to go get him, there's no other way. The rest of the team comes back tomorrow and they can't leave”.

“No, I have to go”, said Loki. “But I’m supposed to stay with you two and make sure you’re not endangered, and I’m sure if I leave you here all alone, you’ll try to come by your own means”.

“Which means”, you added, “if you take us with you, you can make sure we don’t endanger ourselves”.

“This is a terrible idea”.

“But the only one so far”, you convinced him. “Pete, feeling like going on a dangerous mission?”.

“Hell yeah!”, he said eagerly. Loki was not very fond of his enthusiasm.

“I can do this”, you assured him. “Do you trust me?”.

“Yes”. He didn’t hesitate. “But I don’t trust them. You two will stay behind me facing the danger, alright? Nothing of wanting to play heroes”.

“Got it. Let’s suit up, fellas. Bucky’s waiting”.

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nachohypno · 3 years

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Pine’s Football Jocks (Rewritten) - Ch. 1

Little heads up: This one is a weird thing. It’s a rewritten version of the original Pine’s Football Jocks, but it contains spoilers for the college series, so it should still be read after reading the other ones (Original included) first, like a sequel.

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Past Pine’s POV

"I'm awake!" Mike stated, as I started kicking the sleeping bag he was sleeping in. The bad part of the big guy sleeping on the floor was that he occupied a good chunk of the room.

If he didn't move soon, I'd have to do acrobatics in order to leave.

"I'm happy for you, but I need you to get up rather than just wake up. We'll be late!" I replied, as he stretched his arms. I took advantage of the little space he left for me as he did so and started walking around him.

"Gotta admit, bro," My best friend started getting up. I had to look away, reminding myself that he was shirtless and wearing shorts.

I don't lust after him, he's like a big brother to me (A second one, I have one of those already) but Mr. Morning wood couldn't help himself if I looked at a buffed guy. Last thing I needed was Mike mocking me for being hard in front of him.

"That was one hell of a videogame!"

Yeah, he convinced me to have a 'videogame night' due to this new one coming out for his Switch. I shouldn't have agreed, due to having school today and now we were going to be late. Fuck, I hated being late!

"All right, it was fun, but now you got to get dressed and we're lucky if we have time to get some breakfast-"

"Chill out" At least he was putting on a shirt now. He reached out for his school bag and grabbed some jeans. "It's okay, the principal likes your high grades and the coach likes... he doesn't like anybody, but I'm sure he'd be able to save me if we get into trouble."

'Save *me*. Well put there, big guy.' I thought, as I changed my pajama tee for a more appropriate one. Blank blue shirt with no logos, perfect.

"Whatever, I don't want to risk it." I mumbled my answer, but I noticed he didn't like it.

"D'aww, Am I hearing wrong here?" Oh, no. I looked at him, as he held his hands towards me with his fingers moving. "Sounds like someone needs some... fun"

I grabbed my own school bag and used it as a shield. "Stay away, first warning"

"One..." Mike took a step towards me, a naughty smile on his face.

"Mike, I'm serious we got to hurry!" I tried to remind him, but he's just very chilled about it.

"...Two..." He was a few inches away from me now. I took a deep breath, ready for what was coming. "...Three!"

The big guy jumped towards me and started tickling my belly and ribs. I tried to take him off from me but it was useless, a second or so later I was laughing like a maniac.

Even if I tried to push him away, the size difference played against me. It was like a cat and mouse game where he would always win!

"HAHAHAHAH... STOP MIKE HAHAHAHA. CAN'T BREATHE!" I pleaded, and he let go of me after that. He stood up, then blew some air on his fingers.

"Never fails, bro."

"I hate you"

"Careful there, or I'll give the baby another set of my *electric fingers*. Pew pew pew!" He finger gunned at me, before going back towards the sleeping bag on the floor and grabbing his own bag. He started picking up his stuff after that. His Switch, shorts, etc.

"Come on, there's no time to get ready if we want to be on time." I said, firmly.

Mikey stood at attention and gave a military salute, along with a "Yes, sir! Heh, Brent would be so pissed if he saw me doing that."

"Why's that?" I didn't care much about his teammates. The big guy brought them up sometimes to mock them off.

"His dad's buggin' him to join the ROTC if I recall correctly. Any mention of the military service gets him really pissed really fast. Guess what's the new coach's strategy to get him to play aggressively?"

I rolled my eyes, and motioned for him to follow me out.

"Oh, wait!" I returned quickly and grabbed his varsity jacket from my closet. He put it there to avoid carrying it all day. "Here's your outdated varsity jacket."

"Hey, not outdated. You wouldn't believe how many chicks find this thing the hottest thing in the world." He defended his precious jacket.

Red on the torso and white-ish yellow on the arms, letters and numbers. The thing had a big 'W' on the right pectoral. On the back, "Mike" was written on the lower part, beneath his football jersey's number.

He wasn't lying, those things were really hot, especially when the jocks are part of a very strict healthy regimen to maintain a nice body. Not very inclusive nor good for a teenager's mind, but our coach isn't known for playing by the rules when it comes to training.

Hell, I'd even be surprised if those guys manage to think of something else rather than 'football football football' by the end of the year.

Before Mike tried to convince me to stay chilled and have breakfast, I was already heading for the front door as soon as we walked downstairs.

"Wait, I want a sandwich, bro-" Mike said, grabbing my shoulder and pointing towards the kitchen.

"We're going to be late and I'm going to be pissed all day. Just... be quick about it."

"You're the best." The big guy gave me a nice thumbs up before turning around and walking towards the kitchen. I checked my phone's clock as he did so. Still a bit of time, c'mon... "Hey, Ms. Carter!" Well, shit. Now he was going to socialize with my mom.

Mom liked Mike, everyone did. He's like this guy that's so likeable you can't escape from being friends with him. I guess I'm just lucky to be his childhood's best friend, I can't tell why he's excited by the idea of hanging out with me to this day to be honest, but I'm not complaining. He's a nice guy!

Five minutes later, (Which we could have used to get to school in time) the big guy came to me with two sandwiches. "Never gonna get tired of coming over, your mom is so great, bro."

He passed me one sandwich, which I gladly accepted, before saying a loud "Bye!" and leaving the house, jock behind me.

That was our chemistry to my eyes. He was a nice fun friend and I was the guy who tried to push us towards our responsibilities.

I examined my sandwich and noticed it had mayonnaise, which I disliked. "Oh fuck," Mikey said, looking at what I was doing. "That one's mine, here." Then we exchanged our sandwiches.

The walk towards school was nice. Winston (Our hometown) was a relaxing place. It changed a lot depending on the season, yeah, but even then, it was still the same boring town.

It's not like something interesting happened here, don't get me wrong. Our goals are the same, for every guy or girl in town: Get the high school degree, apply to a good university, leave and buy a mansion.

As long as I could leave and don't feel so... exposed every time I turned around, I was okay to be honest.

What do I mean with 'Exposed'? Everyone knows everything, especially in our school. Which makes me glad no-one found out about my homosexuality. I don't know if Winston is a homophobic place and I prefer never getting to know.

And then I made a huge mistake!

"Hey, Mike?" I said to my best friend, as I noticed him focused on the road.

"Someday, I'm gonna buy a Ferrari" He mumbled, as he watched the same old lame cars passing by.

"What?" He took me off my train of thoughts with his randomness.

"Huh? Did I say that out loud? Sorry, what were ya saying?" Mike gave me a nice smile. He was my best friend, I thought there wouldn't be a problem with this. He was always so good and caring when it came to me, which really helped break the football jock stereotype that went around in our school. He was... the best. No questions asked.

"Let's... assume that someone you know has this big secret..."

"Mmhmm" He mumbled, to assure he was listening.

"And they tell you about it. What would you- Oh, and it's a biiiig game-changer secret, the kind of secret that could kill you if you know it."

"Is it something bad?" He asked, eyeing me from top to bottom. He was thinking, he always did that when thinking. That or zone out. He's not dumb (In fact, he manages to maintain a good G.P.A without much worries! Although I do help him a little...), but he has a weird way of focusing on subjects.

"Depending on your thoughts on the matter, I think."

"But like, it's a personal thing, right?" He asked, and I nodded. "A'ight, I'm all ears, bro."

I was a bit surprised. Did he know something already? I may not be the best at keeping secrets, as I thought? "What?"

"If you wanna tell me something, don't leave me on the edge of my seat. What is it?" He grabbed my shoulder and shook me a bit, jokingly.

"First, promise me you won't freak out or treat me differently. Got it?"

Mike rolled his eyes, before holding his hand high as we walked. "I, Michael Travis, promise still be Pine Carter's best friend even after he tells me whatever secret he may have." Then he patted my back. "C'moooon, the curiosity is killin' me, bro-"

"I'm gay," I blurted out. And Mike froze mid-sandwich bite. It was quite funny to see and I would have loved to take a picture of his face at that moment, but it was a serious thing so... I restrained myself.

"No joke? Like full on gay?" I appreciated he didn't even call me fag. I never heard him use the slang 'fag' actually! And he was reacting quite well so far. He stared at the floor like he just saw a penny, but after that he smiled and answered a jovial "Yup, makes sense!"

"Wait, what?"

"Thought I never noticed when you looked away every time a guy was shirtless near us? Or when you did stare at a shirtless guy, you stared for longer than anyone else would do" After that, he gave me a hug. "Glad you decided to tell me, though. You're the best bro ever."

He ruffled my hair, before we continued walking together. It was nice, a huge weight off my shoulders, knowing that I could count on my best friend for *anything*.

Hey, this wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!

And luckily, the rest of my school day went as smooth as silk. Nice classes, some lunch, and back home alone. Mike had football practice so he told me to go on without him. I’m kind of surprised he manages to be in that team, to be honest. Not because he’s bad at football (In fact, he seems to be really good at it? I don’t know much about football) but because the coach and some of his teammates are really awful.

They are like the polar opposite of goody-two-shoes Michael Travis. I mean, I don’t know them personally but… they all follow their leader like little bitches. If the big one says ‘Time to bother this one’ the rest of the team will repeat like little parrots. That’s how it goes.

Mike usually doesn’t follow them around, unless he ‘has’ to. And even then, he tries to keep himself away from the bullying and being obnoxious. He’s just too innocent!

Or, at least, I thought so!

As I walked into the school a day afterwards. I suddenly felt a few stares on me. You notice that when you’re not used to social contact. I’m not trying to sound overly dramatic, but I felt a bit naked right now. What was up with all the stares?

I kept walking forward, trying to ignore that weird feeling. If I managed to find Mike, maybe I could get him to calm me down. He was good at doing that.

I bumped into one of the jocks, who pushed me away. “Look where you’re going, faggot” My stomach sunk.

I could feel my eyes getting watery as I walked faster now. Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have done anything. It was a dumb choice to make. I had to talk to Mike now, figure out what the fuck did he do yesterday and why one of his teammates called me faggot. Maybe I was being really paranoid?

Rushing into the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. “Everything’s fine. It’s just a big misunderstanding…

Garrett entered the bathroom as I washed my face, leaving my glasses next to the sink. Just what I needed now.

Garrett Basch, one of my classmates, and one of Mike's teammates.

Dark blond, built, nice jawline, only the best apparently for the king of the corridors. Better leave him space when he's walking, because those arms can give you an awful beating if he picks you as his new objective.

He stopped beside me, and looked at the big mirror in front of us. "Hey, bro" Were his words. I didn't answer, of course.

"Heard about your little problem... I mean, the whole school heard about it already." The jock opened the faucet, without looking at me, then started washing his hands. 'It's not a problem... But yet, he doesn't really look menacing...' I thought. Would have loved to shut my ass.

"But hey, you come in just in time" Wait, what? I didn't look up and just kept washing my hands anxiously. He did finish doing that and stared at me. "Always wanted a personal punching bag, and I highly dislike nerds, let alone faggots so... You're in for a good time, man"

"Wait, you can't do that-"

Garrett wasn't known for being nice though, but he placed a hand on my shoulder and started pressing. It hurted, and I whimpered a bit. I felt like I was about to cry again, which was already an embarrassing thing to do in school.

"Don't worry, not gonna hurt you. Not today, I guess. Not feeling in the mood, quite generous today actually, am I right?" He let go of my shoulder and patted it for a bit. "C'mon, stop cryin' like a little faggot bitch and go thank Mikey. He's the one who came up talking about it with the team, heh."

Fuck, I was so mad at the moment that I didn't notice he tried to put me against my best (and apparently only) friend at the time.

Garrett grabbed me by the shoulders, and my glasses from the sink. He threw them to my hands, and I was surprised I managed to catch them before they fell to the floor and probably break.

"And don't show your face around me, faggot. Actually, do. I like boxing from time to time!" The guy shouted before shoving me off the bathroom. What was up with him, anyway? I mean, I was glad he didn't beat me up on the spot but...

I had to find Mike.

Walking around the school, hoodie on like some kind of weird skater guy, I searched for my best friend, finding him next to his locker.

"Michael!" I silently called for him, as I tapped his shoulder. I was angry, not going to lie.

He turned around with a nervous smile.

"Look, I fucked up, I know. I just-" Mike started, trying to sound chilled. He knew he fucked up, that's how he started

"No, don't come at me with that 'bro' shit. How the hell does the whole place know about my sexuality surprisingly after I told you about it *yesterday?!*" Luckily, people were too into their own business to hear us discuss.

He looked around, and I could tell he was growing sadder with each word I said. Mike doesn't cope well with discussions; he prefers to avoid them at all costs. But sad for him, he couldn't avoid this one.

"I wanted to make you a favor and ask my football bros if they knew anyone... y'know, gay too..." That was enough for me. He admitted fucking up and letting anyone know about what I trusted to him.

I turned around and started walking away.

"Pine, wait." He followed me as I walked towards my locker. "Bro, please, just lemme..."

"Mike, no. You know I trusted you something really important for me, and you didn't even wait A DAY to not only tell someone, but especially the football jocks, which are knowingly the dumb and aggressive ones-"

"Y'think I'm dumb and aggressive?" He frowned at me. "I thought I was being a good friend, just trying to get you someone to date now that you were out-" But I wasn't done.

"And you're even trying to turn around the situation. You know what? Fuck you, Mike. Just simply follow that simple instruction and fuck you. Or not! Since you're so good at reverse psychology!"

After that little rant, which I was sad nobody paid attention to, I went away. I felt like Mike was too mad to answer, or sad, or whatever.

But hey, this could be fun, right?

Being out to the school can't be that bad, and maybe I was just harsh on my jock friend because I was mad...

...Right?

---

Present Pine’s POV

"What happened next?" Mike asked me, as I stopped reading. "I knew this part already, but it was nice hearing your side of the story, bro. Why did you write about our sleepover, though? Or like, so far behind when you said it all started?"

I shrugged, as soon as I noticed my little pause. "Uh... don't know. Maybe to add more context? Like, to remember why you were in my house and stuff like that. The outing is not nice to remember, but it still adds more to my story, right?"

It wasn't an excuse, actually. I wanted to be detailed when I wrote this down, to remember as much as possible if I ever came to forget it.

Not possible, apparently. I remembered my senior year like it happened yesterday, but reading the already-written material was easier than being all "Uhm... and then this happened and... uh... this next..." It's awful, I'm not fond of continuous speaking.

"Well... what happened next?" Mikey said, pointing to the screen. I appreciated him not reading onwards and just listening to me like some kind of story-teller, it was cute.

"Wait, first..." I pointed to his body. Mike was still wearing his outside clothes, a red tee and some jeans. "I told you this was a bedtime story, and you're not even in your pajamas."

"I knoooow," He tried to excuse himself, before pointing to the cast on his forearm. "But this shit's itchy, and your story distracts me quite a lot from that. I swear I would break this fuckin' thing..."

I sometimes don't know if he forgets I have mind control powers or what. A simple command sent over the mind link we shared ('Ignore the itchy cast.')

Mike here got a broken bone during a 'friendly' football game. The player apologized a lot because he apparently lost his cool, but Mike kind of ignored his apologies and is just... bitter against his newfound rival.

Kind of understandable, his professional football career now hangs over a thread, and if the doctor tells him he's not able to play anymore, my big guy will be really sad.

He does have a backup plan, that's why he's studying to get a biology degree, so that's cool.

"Hey, not itchy anymore. Buuuuut, could you continue pleaseeee?" The jock held his hands together as if pleading.

I sighed, before putting some power on my words. "I want you to do as I say," I started, admiring his face as it went blank. Glazed eyes looked really good on him.

"I will do as you say..." My boyfriend repeated, and I noticed his mind going blank as he waited for more orders.

"Go get ready for bed, I'll wait for you here." I told him, patting his shoulder before he moved away from the bed to obey.

"Yes, master..." The jock mumbled as he walked away.

While he was out, I started reviewing the following entries of my senior year journal.

'Ooof, this gets really dark here... I even forgot about this bit. Yeah, no need to tell Mike about this part, he'll just feel really guilty. Let's move forward a month or so... There it goes' I thought, as I skipped a good chunk of filler-ish bits from when I was powerless and got bullied a lot. I just had to wait for the big guy, it would be mean if I started reading without him.

A few minutes afterwards, he lazily walked in the room in his underwear. Just in his underwear, full muscular body on display. I made him 'wake up' via the mind link.

Mike didn't react at all, he just suddenly seemed more alive and then jumped on the bed, next to me.

I had to catch my laptop, but after that, we were ready to continue.

"I did a little time jump, if you don't mind. I thought it would be more interesting to jump closer towards the action and stuff like that."

"Hey, you're the story-teller. You're in charge, bruh." He said, getting himself comfortable and covering his almost naked body with a blanket. “How long is this time jump anyway?”

“A month or so…” I mumbled, before going back to narrating. "Alright, so... where was I..."

“Oh, fuck. I think I’m not going to like what comes next” He mumbled, leaning a bit to read my laptop’s screen.

“Sorry, I was pretty pissed when I remembered this. I’ll try to avoid the details of you not helping me, okay?” I said, pushing him back down as he nodded like a happy baby. “Now, back to the story.”

---

Past Pine's POV

I left the classroom, looking around at the corridor as I did. While heading to my locker to leave the books I just used, I got shoved into a random set of lockers, making me fall straight to the floor.

Lots of deep laughter as my tormentors walked away. I looked ahead and noticed a mini version of the incredible hulk staying away from his group and walking towards me. ‘Oh, shit. Here we go again…’ I thought, as Mike offered me his hand.

“Need some help?” He asked, before I used the lockers to help myself up. The jock in front of me sighed as he looked around.

“Nope…” I tidied my clothes and got my glasses back in place, before looking at him with an impassive look. The kind of look you give to someone you know is guilty, but can’t do a shit about it. I mean, c’mon. He even was with them and didn’t do anything to stop them! What can you save from that?! “Just a scratch. You know how it goes.”

“Very funny, bro. I can tell when you’re lying to me.” Him calling me ‘bro’ was quite annoying. It’s been a month since he outed me to his team, and a month since they started torturing me under the guidance of Coach Asshole and his bitch Garrett. The coach doesn’t care about what happens to me, and Garrett looooves that! “…Sorry about that again, by the way.”

He apologized every freaking day, each moment that the jocks went after me, he would be there afterwards to apologize again. Was this hell? Did I die and never realized that?

I gave him the fakest smile I could, followed by a “Don’t worry. They’ll come to understand later on, right?”

Mike frowned at me. I liked making him frown. Even when ‘angry’ he still looked funny. “They’re more aggressive due to the upcoming game… Y’know that’s a lot of pressure especially with that cunt of a coach… Speaking of which, I’d like to tell you something. Maybe you’d like to come home for that, though? It’s been quite a while-”

“Homework. Lots of it.” I excused myself.

“I know, that’s what you always say…” He mumbled, before rolling his eyes. I would have punched him if my arms weren’t spaghettis, but even if that were the case, I wasn’t the violent type of guy. I usually try to talk my way out of things or just… accept my fate, whatever it is.

I stared at him, not saying a single word. He stared back at me, and this just turned into a really uncomfortable staring contest between two ex-best friends who barely talked anymore. “Need something else? I need to reach my locker so…” I motioned with my hand for him to move and he just looked around nervously.

“I miss you, bro…” He started, but I wasn’t in the mood for yet another apology with my arm hurting after being shoved to a locker.

No answer from my part, and he sighed. “See you in a while, bro.” Mike mumbled, before jogging off to catch up his football bros.

I sighed, celebrating in my mind. Hey, it’s not standing up against Garrett, but he was the closest one I could stand up against, right?

By… standing there silent without doing nothing. Yeah, no clue why would they want to beat me up. Fuck, I’m really an easy target.

Just had to focus on my classes, graduate, then kiss goodbye to this town.

---

Present Pine’s POV

Wait, Mike?

Mike fell asleep. How rude! Just when I was about to get into the night I got my powers…

Well, telling him the story would be pointless if he wasn’t listening. I’m glad he fell asleep though, he needs rest and I’m not going to wake him up just to continue narrating.

I closed the file, turned off the laptop and left it on my night table. After that, I laid down and hugged my jock boy. A little kiss on his cheek, then closed my eyes.

------

Author’s note:

Yeeeey, I’m back! Sort of! Hoping to publish more frequently after my big writer’s block!

I was especially hesitant to publish this chapter because of this dialogue choice I made, that makes Garrett sound like a wonky mean disney-ish character. But, it’s just for one scene, so... Here’s the first chapter! Hope you guys like it!

#PinesCollegeJocks #PinesJocks #mind control #straight to gay #gay hypnosis #hypnotized #brainwash #brainwashed #brainwashing

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thenamesseven · 5 years

Text

Plot: This time it gets a little bit more serious when Mark and you play around in bed after waking up.

Warnings: Some vanilla smut, nothing hardcore. Just a cute first time.

Hope you like it!

It was an international well known fact that nobody was allowed to disturb your sleep. You hated being woken up and not being able to finish that fantastic dream you were having, well, you simply just hated when somebody woke you up. You didn't have a specific reason, it just bothered you and made you grumpy for the rest of the day.

Although everyone seemed to know better than wake you up, your boyfriend Mark seemed to give two shits about this whenever you two slept together and he woke up before you. He was as much of an attention seeker as you, Mark always waits around 30 minutes for you to wake up and give him attention but if you haven't done it, he starts getting needy.

"Baby"

The first time you heard his raspy voice breaking through your dream, you quietly buried your face deeper into the pillow in an attempt to ignore him. Mark obviously noticed because his next move was wrapping his arms around your body, keeping you close to him while he left little kisses on the back of your neck.

"Babe"

This time he sounded like a whiny little kid whose mom was grounding him without his videogames for an entire week. His kissing got more persistant when his lips moved to your cheek.

"Mark" You groaned annoyed. He was cute and sweet but he also knew you wanted to sleep as much as possible on the weekends. "I want to sleep"

"You slept enough already" He muttered groaning back, complainning about your laziness "I've been awake for almost an hour and Im getting bored" Even when you had your eyes closed you could imagine him pouting as he looked down at you

"It's not my fault your idol routine is much more entertainning than my normal mornings" You mumbled yawning, reaching up to rub your eyes so you could open them "If you were that bored you could have cooked breakfast" You proposed teasingly, smiling a little.

"But doing it with you it's way better"

Mark was clingy, that's something you had noticed as soon as the two of you started dating. During the week if he had a schedule, your contact with each other would be restrained to texting and getting in Skype for some late night calls until one of you fell asleep that's why, when weekends came Mark abandoned the dorms to invade your place. As soon as he walks through the door he has his arms around you and doesn't let you go until Monday, when he has to leave again early in the morning. He wants to do everything with you except showering or activities that implied having both of you naked, that's a step none of you had taken yet.

Seeing you hadn't opened your eyes yet, Mark decided to take his clinginess to another level and literally laid his warm body on yours. Both of you were wearing clothes but that didn't stop your skin from feeling his warmth seeping through his clothes or your nose to inhale his natural scent now that he was closer.

"Wake uuuuup" He started shaking you gently, moving your hands away from your eyes so he could start leaving kisses on your face.

"Leave me aloneeee" You replied laughing a little, fighting with him to keep your hands on your face, hiding your morning face from him.

"I don't want tooo" Mark rolled on the bed, switching positions. He currently was with his back against the bed and you were the one laying on him. Finally opening your eyes, you rested both of your hands on either side of his head to give him an annoyed look. Mark simply smiled in return, brightly and so happily, that it had been difficult for you to stay mad at him "Morning beautiful"

"You're so cheesy" You scoffed chuckling, making him laugh underneath you as he kept staring up at you.

"Can't help myself when I have such an amazing girlfriend" You knew he was just trying to sugarcoat the fact that he had woke you up, his plan was to distract you with his cheesiness. You had figured him out a long time ago but never said anything, letting him be happy and thinking he could get away with a couple of compliments and a bright smile.

"I hate you" You groaned laying back down on him, burying your face against his warm neck to close your eyes again. Your arms instinctively snaked around Mark's body in a soft hug, he was holding you the same way except his thumbs had slid under your shirt and were now drawing little circles on your skin.

"I love you too" He replied with a soft chuckle, tilting his head enough to press a kiss against your cheek. Right then Mark noticed you had your eyes closed once again so in order to make you open them, he rolled on the bed for the second time, making you switch positions.

This time something happened that woke both of you up. Mark had miscalculated the distance between both of your bodies, resulting on him accidentally resting his hips against yours. It wouldn't have been awkward at all of you hadn't felt his morning wood between your legs but since life hated you, a small yet loud (enough for him to hear) gasp left your lips. Mark's head snapped up to look at you so fast that you genuinely feared he had broken his neck, his eyes met yours almost instantly.

You could see the embarrasment in his face. His cheeks had turned a deep red and his eyes were wide opened, probably expecting you to freak out or get mad at the sudden proximity. However, you could see a small glimpse of hesitation in his eyes mixed with a bit of desire. Mark had never forced you to do anything you didn't want to, he had never attempted to go further than a few heated kisses but the attraction between both of you was pretty obvious.

Seeing you were as frozen as him, Mark decided to make the first move, ready to get off of you and apologized with more sweet compliments and stupid jokes that would make you forget about this extremely awkward yet kind of tense moment.

"I...Uh...Let me go to the bathroom for a second" Mark muttered looking down at you, his eyes watching your reaction carefully. Even though he had said he was going to move, he didn't even tried to do it. His body was betraying him as much as yours was betraying you.

"It's okay" You quickly said reaching up to grip his shirt, holding him close in case he tried to move away again. Mark looked at you confused, his muscles still tense as he tried to read between the lines of what you said.

Was it okay to just stay there? Did you mean he didn't have to apologize? Was it okay to make a move?

Knowing he was stuck thinking about all the possible things that could go wrong right there you decided it would have to be you the one that made the first move. You took advantage of Mark being distracted enough to not realise what was going on and leaned in as fast as you could, with the intention of smashing your lips against his. However, you had been wrong and Mark was paying enough attention to notice you leaning in to kiss him at light speed. He moved away before you could kiss him, making a huge frown appear on your face.

What if he didn't want this to happen and you had read his signals wrong?

"Mark I'm sorry" You apologized blushing really hard, looking up at him "I thought you-"

He cut you off resting one finger against your lips, looking down into your eyes. "I just wanted be the one to make the move, shut up" He said giggling, leaning forward to finally make your lips meet in the sweetest and slowest kiss ever.

He started moving his lips against yours, calming your nerves, easing your tension away with every single gentle kiss. Once you were relaxed enough your lips started moving against his too, your hands moving up on his back to the back of his head to let your fingers get tangled in his hair. When you started returning his affection you felt Mark relaxing against your body, smiling into the kiss, probably content about you feeling the same way he did.

He had never brought up the subject of sex afraid that you would feel pressured. Mark had wanted to take things as slow as you wanted, to make you feel as good as possible with your relationship but now that you two seemed to be in the same page made him feel like the happiest man alive.

"I love you" His voice wasn't seductive or flirty, it was so sweet that you felt yourself melting underneath him as his lips moved down your jaw. Unlike his voice, his gestures were becoming a bit more intimate which cause your skin to turn into goosebumps wherever his fingers touched or wherever his lips kissed.

You gasped again, unconciously gripping his shirt tighter when his lips started drifting down your neck. He didn't need you to say those three words back, Mark could feel your affection in the way you squirmed and blushed with every single thing he did. Usually he was the clingy one, the one that whined the most of you two but having you being so vulnerable and dependable of his touch and attention under his body drove him wild, crazy. It gave him a sense of power stronger than when he walked on stage and heard thousands of people screaming his name.

He couldn't care less about that right now. He wanted you to be the only one who screamed his name, he wanted to make you his.

When Mark felt you were gripping the back of his shirt, he moved his body away from yours enough to pull his shirt over his head and toss it aside. Your hands froze on his shoulders but Mark's lips kept teasing the sensitive skin of your neck.

"(Y/N)" He whispered against your skin, whining a little before he moved away to rest his forehead against yours. You wanted to kiss him, his lips were so close that you could feel his breath caressing your face. You leaned in again to kiss him but he smiled, moving away once again. "Touch me"

Your lungs stopped working when you met his eyes filled of need and lust as your hands gently moved down his front. Your fingertips caressed the curves of his slightly defined abs, his skin being incredibly soft, even more than yours. Suddenly, Mark's hips pushed forward against yours making the both of you moan quietly. By the way his muscles kept getting tense you knew he was holding himself back and going slow because of you but you also knew that your slow touches and still hesitant kisses were driving him insane.

Moving your hands away from his body you reached down to take your shirt off, tossing it besides his. It was your boyfriend's turn to gasp now that you were half undressed with him in bed. Mark's eyes quickly moved down on your body, leaning in to peck your lips before he kept leaving small trails of kisses down your neck and lower on your body. When he reached the curves of your breasts he glanced up at you, his eyes asking for permission to keep going.

As soon as Mark noticed you were okay with it he simply kept kissing your breasts, also leaving kisses on your bra as his hands went to your back to unclip it. Honestly, you had been so focused on the feeling of his lips against your skin that you only noticed he had taken your bra off when he tossed it away on the piles of clothes both of you were making.

"You're so beautiful" He whispered with his eyes on yours, his hand moving up to cup your breasts and massage them gently. Mark smiled at the blush on your cheeks but he leaned down to kiss them "God, I don't know how I managed to get such a beautiful and wonderful girlfriend like you" His compliments made you giggle, Mark also smiled pecking your face until his lips met yours once again.

The both of you got into another passionate make out session, one where his hands kept doing wonderful things to your breasts that kept making the knot in your lower stomach even tighter. One of Mark's hands had drifted down your stomach and even lower onto your panties. You were sure his fingertips had found the wet spot on them and that made you blush even harder, burying your face against his neck in pure embarrasment.

"Don't be shy" He whispered against your ear, his breathing was heavy but his touch was still soft and gentle "In fact, it makes me so damn happy Im the one making you this..Wet baby" You moaned at his words, his lips nibbling your earlobe as he slid his hand inside your panties.

You just laid there, too shy to move your head away from his neck while he kept rubbing your sensitive clit that had been throbbing for attention. You could actually feel yourself clenching around nothing, getting needier and wanting more from him. Mark obviously sensed this and decided to give you some relief by sliding a finger inside of you, gently and always making sure you wouldn't be uncomfortable by it.

"You're so tight..." He whispered pecking your cheek, the feeling of his warm breath against your skin driving you crazy "I want to make you mine so bad (Y/N)"

"Then do it" You whispered back, pecking his lips. Mark looked down at you and smiled sweetly, no matter how much you wanted him now he had to make sure you were stretched out enough for him.

"Mhmm...In a little bit" He said softly, kissing your lips back before he slid another finger inside of you.

So long the pain hadn't been that horrible as some of your friends had described it, sure everytime Mark slid another finger inside or moved his hand a bit faster you felt a slight pain but it all soon turned into pleasure that pushed you straight to heaven. His fingers inside of you didn't last that long though, you kept begging Mark to give you more and even though he was a patient man he broke down minutes later.

"Let me get-" Mark leaned back to get something from the bed side table but froze, looking down at you "Shit..." He whispered running his fingers through his hair, sighing a little.

"What?" You asked laying there naked, struggling to keep your eyes away from the huge bulge inside his boxers.

"Protection...I don't...I wasn't expecting...And you don't have one there, right?" He asked looking at your closed drawer, knowing your negative answer he groaned and laid on you, taking deep breath against your neck.

His hips were against yours once again, his clothed member pressing against your naked entrance. You had always thought you wouldn't have sex with anybody without protection but right there, with Mark on you, you couldn't care less about it.

"M-Mark it's okay" You stuttered rubbing his back, avoiding his eyes when he leaned back to look at you.

"What?" He asked confused, frowning.

"We could get a pill later right? I...I want to keep going"

After your confession, there was a long silence that you didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad one. You turned your face a little to glance at him and Mark just smiled incredibly bright, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I love you so much" He whispered pulling down his underwear. Mark didn't even tossed it away this time he just laid down against your body so his sensitive skin could feel your wetness coating him.

He groaned with his eyes closed, biting his lower lip extremely hard as he looked at you. You were seconds away from moaning while he kept moving his hips against yours in slow yet painfully delicious movements.

"Mark" You moaned complaining, wrapping your legs around his hips to keep him closer to you "Please..." You begged quietly, your nails gently digging into his shoulders.

"I'm going to go as slow as I can okay?" He whispered, positioning his tip against your entrance with shaky hands. "If it hurts, if it makes you truly uncomfortable just tell me and I'll stop alright?" You nodded biting your lower lip a bit scared about what was going to happen. "I won't get mad, this is for both of us to enjoy not for only me, okay?" You nodded again, way more worried about the pain now "Are you sure about this?" He asked looking into your eyes.

"Are you serious?" You couldn't help but chuckle at his sudden question, Mark smiled nodding "Im sure, I love you and I want to be yours" You whispered happily, pulling him closer for a kiss.

Both of you melted against each other with deep kisses, it was like his lips were the only thing you needed to survive. Forget about oxygen, Mark kisses and tongue teasing were way better. Your boyfriend took advantage of the deep kisses that kept your mind distracted to gently push inside of you. Even when he was slow and gentle, the pain that went through your body when he started stretching your inner walls out made you get all tense and rigid. A quiet whimper left your lips while you two were kissing, Mark left short and quick pecks around your whole face sweetly, whispering sweet nothings to calm you and himself down.

"Shh baby it's okay" He muttered breathing heavy, resting his forehead against yours "I’m so sorry for hurting you” He pecked your lips, his eyes full of concern for hurting you as kept fighting with his inner self to not move and make you his yet “The pain will go away soon, just relax love”

At first it was difficult, every single time Mark made a small movement a wave of pain ran through your body, but after some brief seconds the pain started getting softer and softer or your body simply got used to it. At some point, your muscles weren’t tense anymore and Mark felt it, he started moving his hips against yours in slow and soft thrust, his eyes always in your face to make sure you weren't feeling bad anymore. It was a weird feeling, the pain was starting to get mixed up with pleasure, it was simply something you had never felt before. It felt good, even better when he quietly groaned or moaned against your skin.

The both of you got into a loop.

Mark started moving more comfortably and not too afraid of breaking your body, you kept moaning his name over and over again like if it was the only word you knew how to say. He praised you like he usually did but this time with his naked body against yours, feeling his lips brush against your own with every single word he said and hearing his quiet moans whenever you unconciously squeezed him inside of you, each compliment sounded more special, more heavenly and more lovingly.

“(Y/N)” Mark buried his face against your neck, his hands gripping the bedsheets underneath you as you felt his hips moving a little rougher against your own “God, I love you so fucking much” It was rare to hear Mark swear but in that moment you just found it hot.

“I love you too” You whispered.

That moment, with bith of you looking into each other's eyes was magical.

It was like both of your bodies were waiting for that small confession to get out from your lips before Mark sent you over the edge with one last thrust. You closed your eyes, your hands gripping his back strongly as if he was the only thing keeping you into this world, too overwhelmed by the sudden pleasure your first orgasm was making you feel. The loud moan that escaped your lips sent Mark into heaven, filling you up with his seed which was such an intimate gesture that made him blush as he looked down at your worn out yet satisfied face.

Before you could open your eyes once again and get all shy like you always did, Mark leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours in another deep kiss, one that told the both of you just how strong was your love for each toher

He stayed there with you, catching your breaths in a comforting silence before Mark stood up and opened his arms for you to get in them.

“What?” You asked tiredly, confused. Looking up at him, you pulled the bed sheets higher to cover most of your naked body

“Ah, don’t get shy now” He chuckled, pulling the sheets away before he picked you up, holding you close to his chest “Let’s get a bath, that will make you less sore later”

“I want to go to bed though, aren’t you tired?” You asked burying your face against his neck

“I said you slept enough” He replied laughing when he saw your pout. He leaned down moving his lips really close to your ear “And if we get back in bed it’s to go for a second round”

You slapped Mark’s chest hard feeling extremely embarrased which only made him laugh harder as he dragged you into the bathroom with him.

#got7 oneshot #kpop oneshots #got7 yugyeom #got7 jinyoung #got7 #got7 bambam #got7 jackson #got7 jaebum #got7 mark #got7 youngjae #got7 fanfic #got7 smut #kpop smut #kpop fanfiction

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o-blivia · 6 years

Quote

Depression in 10 easy steps Step 1. I remember coming home from work at 2 am and this wave of utter dejection hit me. “I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through the next two days.” The thought was like a lead weight sinking through my whole body. And then I went inside. Got high and played videogames until I could barely keep my eyes open. Step 2. I wake up again at around 5 am, having gotten barely an hour of sleep. My thoughts are racing and I can’t stop thinking about my life. Contemplating my future prospects makes me start to cry for the first time in years. Trapped in a job that will never pay me enough to live the kind of life I want. This isn’t what I want. I don’t know if I can keep living like this. I wake BatDan up and tell him that I’ll finally go to the hospital. He strokes my hair while I lie crying on his chest until I fall asleep. Step 3. At the ER, I’m asked repeatedly if I’m hearing voices or if I have a plan. To both, I answer no, but what I don’t manage to articulate is that it’s not so much a plan as a series of possibilities. I could take every pill in the house, but I don’t. Or I could throw myself into traffic, but I don’t. And that’s not a plan anymore than saying someday I’ll learn how to drive or knit a scarf. It’s just a thought you have to make yourself feel better before you get up and go about your life. The first psychiatrist I see is still a student. She is kind and compassionate while doing my assessment. Being similar in age to me, I think she understands where I’m coming from. She makes me feel like she’s really listening to me, at least. Her supervisor is a much older man who immediately, and awkwardly kicks BatDan out of the room, just to tell me that I don’t need to increase the dosage of my SSRI because all the pot I’ve been consuming is just making it ineffective. So I should just stop doing pot. And since all my stressors are related to work, I should consider quitting my job. Otherwise, no action needs to be taken. And then he says to me, “you look sad.” I say that I’m just tired, that I’m always tired. What I really mean is that I expected something to happen or be done to help me not want to kill myself anymore. Instead it feels like they’re sending me away empty-handed. So I stop going to work and go sober for two months. Step 4. A week after going to the ER, I have my yearly physical. My doctor doesn’t seem satisfied with the actions the ER Docs took with me. She ups my meds, orders blood work and faxes in a non-urgent referral for therapy to the CLSC. She says to call if I have trouble adjusting to the new dosage otherwise she’ll see me in six months. I’m out of her office in twenty minutes. Step 5. The process of a non-urgent referral starts with a phone call to figure out what kind of services are required and how urgently that care is needed. My call came about a week after seeing my doctor. This time it’s a man who calls at what would be a decent time for most people, but I’ve worked nights for the past decade and don’t keep decent hours. So I’m not awake enough to remember his name. He starts by asking me what my problems are and what I want to work on with a therapist. He listens for half a minute before telling me that the waiting list is very long for individual therapy, but I can do group counselling. At that exact moment, the prospect of talking about what’s causing my depression with a room full of strangers is too daunting so I decline. There are more follow-up questions and then says he doesn’t understand how therapy can help me with my problems. I don’t know how to describe that moment. It’s like everything goes still, or something in me just kinda turns off. This is pointless. The hope I felt when I decided to go to the ER, that something, anything is going to happen — that I’m finally going to get help in changing my life is snuffed out. He asks me if I just need someone to go through filling out job applications and putting my CV together with me. No, that is not what I need. Handholding isn’t going to resolve my anxiety or give me any sense of direction. I think at this point he can tell that I am becoming frustrated because he says to me that he isn’t judging me, just trying to understand what is going on, in a tone that clearly says he’d been told he has to say that. It’s insincere at best and obviously a lie. I desperately want to be off the phone with him. He follows up with trying to bully me into accepting group therapy by reminding me that otherwise the waiting list is over a year long and with private therapy, I’d have to pay for each session. I don’t have insurance. Then he asks what I would like to do? What would I like to do? What would I like to do? What would I like to do? What would I like to do? Just put me on the list and I’ll look into private therapy. It’s that or nothing. He hasn’t exactly done a good job of selling me on group. He goes through the usual preamble before hanging up, but I suspect he never adds my name to the waiting list. Step 6. Sleep forever. The frustration is hard to swallow and dejection doesn’t taste any better. It doesn’t matter that I don’t think my life is worth living or that I’ll never amount to anything more than this unwashed, bed-locked 29-year-old, too scared to apply for a new job. Step 7. Oversleeping isn’t cutting it anymore and BatDan complains that he misses his girlfriend, but all that momentum to make changes has fallen flat. You move through the house listlessly, full of a nerve-grinding restlessness. Nothing is appealing. Is sitting staring into space a good enough hobby? You go shopping with money you don’t have. That rush of pleasure from getting something new is fleeting and ultimately unsatisfying. You move on to spending hours and hours obsessively playing videogames like Minecraft and The Sims to simulate the feeling of being in control of your life. When the binging runs its course, your head clears and you start to feel like you want to do things again. Maybe you were just burnt out and all you needed was a few weeks of rest? You write down lists and plans and outlines; give yourself deadlines and set alarms to get up at a more reasonable hour —to see the sun for more than an hour or two. Tomorrow you’re going to get so much done. You go to bed early and lie awake until 4 am. When you do get to sleep, those alarms don’t wake you like they’re supposed to. It’s 3 pm by the time you drag yourself out of bed and make some coffee. Much too late in the day to really get anything done, especially when you’re too groggy to feel productive. So you go back to gaming and vow to try again tomorrow. That’s how you find yourself tidally locked between fits of manic organization to self-defeatism and apathy. You’re not being productive and you aren’t getting anything done. Everything takes so long to get done and you don’t have the attention to focus on anything for the length of time it takes to finish one project. This is getting you nowhere. Step 8. Step 9. S t e p 1 0. Depression is a marathon, not a sprint. There’s no overnight miracle fix. Some times I don’t know myself or know what it is that I’m feeling. And it’s hard to feel scared or upset by that when I’m numb. I don’t know where to go from here. I can’t see a future for the gaping maw of a void spooling out in front of me. What do you do when the people who are supposed to help you don’t? How do I fix this? I don’t have insurance, I just want to stop feeling like this. Someone hid the instructions on me. This isn’t an ending, is it?

“depression in 10 easy steps” by olivia black

#personal #depression #tw: sucide mention #tw:depression #writing #mine #ok to rb

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a-blog-just-for-sanders · 7 years

Text

Fic - For the Record

Heyy so I wrote another fic! This is loosely inspired by the podcast musical 36 Questions, which Thomas has recommended a few times now and which I’m utterly in love with at the moment.

This fic took me ages, cos’ it’s a very different writing style than I’m used to. It was fun though, just...tricky. But yeah, I hope you like it!

Tags are at the end! If you want taking off or adding just let me know!

(also this is the longest fic I’ve written for this fandom, omg)

Title: For the Record

Pairing: Analogical (Logan/Virgil)

Warnings: minor anxiety attack

“Oh, it’s recording. Salutations. This is the first recording for the progress logs of my experiment in– “

“Is this really necessary?”

“Virgil, please don’t interrupt me while I’m recording the logs.”

“Why do you even need to record this?”

“For the sake of scientific progress, of course. When undertaking an experiment of any kind, it’s important that all the data be recorded for later analysis, to ensure the results are unbiased and objective.”

“Objective? Your experiment is about emotions, I don’t think there’s anything objective about it.”

“…Nevertheless, I believe keeping these recordings will be beneficial. It will allow me to revise our progress each day and, if necessary, strategize our next step. Now, may I continue?”

“…Whatever. But, for the record, I think this is stupid.”

“Noted. Now, where was I? Ah yes, the experiment’s aims and objectives. In brief, recent…events, have demonstrated that my ability to read the emotions of others, and of myself, is… in need of improvement.”

“‘In need of improvement’?”

“For the record, let it be known that I do not appreciate sarcasm.”

“You don’t understand sarcasm.”

“Falsehood! I have studied linguistics extensively, alongside multiple different dialectical expressions, colloquiums– “

“–yeah yeah, whatever Brainiac.”

“…To return to the experiment, I have decided to take definitive steps to improve my empathetic abilities, so that in future I will be able to better understand emotional responses and react accordingly. Initial research through conventional methods, however, has proved… unfruitful. I have therefore decided to try a different method, by recruiting an… assistant– “

“Assistant? Really?”

“–who, in spite of his sarcastic response, because I do know what sarcasm is, has promised to expose me to a broad range of emotional stimuli and situations, and to assist in the identification of my emotional responses, so that I may in turn learn to recognise the same emotions in others.”

“You’re making this sound way more complicated than it is. Give it here–“

“I really don’t see–“

“C’mon Logan, I’m your assistant, remember? I get to hold the recording-thing too.”

“It’s not a ‘recording-thing’; it’s a Dictaphone, developed by the Volta Laboratory in the late– “

“–Yeah sure, it’s a dictaphone, now hand it over… Alright, so Logan has promised to do all of my chores for the next two months, if I help him with his weird experiment on feelings and shit. So we’re going to watch a bunch of scary movies, maybe play some really annoying videogames, and he’s going to record his emotional responses in this log. I’m still not sure why I got picked to help out with this, considering I’m Anxiety and this mushy crap is definitely not my thing–“

“–I told you, the other two are far too illogical for– “

“–but hey, I get out of chores, so I don’t care. Alright, so…what now?”

“Now, we begin.”

“Salutations. This is day six in my ongoing experiment in emotional responses-”

“–For the record, I think this experiment needs a catchier name.”

“Really, Virgil. For the record, I disagree.”

“For the record, I disagree that you disagree.”

“…That makes no sense.”

“You make no sense.”

“To continue my previous statement: we have now engaged in several activities together designed to stimulate emotions, and I have been keeping a daily record of my own emotional responses in this log.”

“That sounds a bit...”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“…We are now going to watch what Virgil calls ‘scary movies’, so I may study how different individuals express negative emotions. I believe we have several movies to watch, so I will cut this log short, and report on my progress afterwards.”

“Virgil, give it here!”

“Nope, I won’t!”

“Get back here!”

“Hey, this is still day six, and I just wanted to say that Logan is terrified of clowns. And for the record, he’s a surprisingly fast runn – “

“–Are you recording this?! Virgil, the Dictaphone is for serious logs only– “

“Greetings. It is the evening of day six. Or, to be more precise, the morning of day seven: it is approximately 2:33am. I am…having difficulty falling asleep, so I have decided to report on the experiment’s progress. The scary movies were an enlightening experience, but also highly illogical and hyperbolic, and–

What was that?

…For the record, the window is open, and a breeze is coming through and blowing the curtains, which in turn is creating an illusion of movement…and the shadows on the wall might look like a facsimile of a menacing figure, but are in reality simply shadows, and completely harmless...

…Perhaps I will go see if Virgil is awake.”

“It is day nineteen. We have now watched every movie that Virgil deems ‘acceptable’ in the DVD collection of the mindscape, and I have taken extensive notes on the emotional responses displayed by each character. We are now moving onto the next step of the experiment– “

“–which is playing board games all day, apparently. Ugh.”

“Playing board games is an excellent method to refine emotional control. Frustration, for example, is an oft experienced emotion during strategic games, particularly when strategies do not pan out as anticipated.”

“…Are you sure you didn’t make this step up, so you could beat me at board games?”

“…Enjoying my victory is also an emotional response, correct?”

“I knew it! In that case-“

“–What are you– “

“–checkmate!”

“You can’t - that’s against the rules! You cheated!”

“I’m just helping you refine your ‘emotional control’!”

“That’s not-! We’re starting again, this time with no cheating!”

“Salutations. It is day twenty-seven in my ongoing efforts to rationalise emotional responses. In yesterday’s log we decided to progress to the next step in the experiment, which will involve touring the memory archives, in order to observe particular memories in Thomas’ history, so that Virgil and I can reason out why particular moments were so… emotional.

This afternoon was meant to be our first expedition into the archives. However, Virgil is…unable to assist today. Prior observation and research strongly suggests that he is the midst of an episode of heightened anxiety, perhaps caused by cognitive distortions. He has secluded himself in his room.

Observing emotional responses in popular media over the past few weeks has demonstrated that comforting gestures are immensely useful in addressing moments of self-doubt and security…but I do not know to how to be comforting.

Should I go to him? I would like to help, but I do not want to make an error.

I am…uncertain of how to proceed.”

“For the record, I am whispering because I am stood outside Virgil’s room. I…I am still recording, so that if I am unable to convey my sincerity to Virgil, I can learn from this, and improve in the future.

It is still day twenty-seven, and I am about to knock…

…Virgil?

Virgil, I’m coming in.”

“…Logan? What’re you doing here?”

“I am here to enquire about your well-being.”

“I’m just…not in a good mood today Logan. You should leave. I can’t help in your experiment right now.”

“I’m not here for the experiment.”

“…You’re not?”

“No, I am not. Though I admit that the experiment has been highly valuable thus far in the development of my emotional understanding, and that I look forward to continuing to build on our success to date, today…today the experiment doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t?”

“No. Today I am here to…help. If you want? If you don’t, I can leave. I don’t want to leave, of course, but if it will make you happy then I will do so. Wait, no, that was an emotionally charged statement, that wasn’t my intention, my apologies, I can go – “

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to go. I mean…the company would be kind of nice I guess…unless you want to leave! It’d be okay if you did, I’m kinda gross right now, and my room is a mess, and I’m probably going to do something annoying or stupid or get upset again, or I’ll have another anxiety attack and ruin everything–“

“–I would like to stay. With you.”

“…Oh, i-if that’s what you want…

“It is.”

“Okay, then…you can stay.”

“Thank you. Could I… sit with you?”

“Oh right, yeah, let me just move the blankets, one mo-”

“–thank you.”

“…so, erm, you want to watch something?”

“Today is day thirty-three in my experiment in emotional responses–“

“–I can’t believe you’re still calling it that–”

“As these logs will demonstrate, we have spent the last five days visiting Thomas’ most powerful memories in the archives, in order to observe moments of high emotion. Today we are observing a memory of a theme park, which Thomas originally visited when he was in college.”

“Why are we here again?”

“As I stated earlier, we are here to take notes on how Thomas’ and his friends react to excitement and heightened adrenaline, so I may become familiar with how others express these emotions.”

“…okay.”

“I have made extens – gah!”

“Fuck!”

“…For the record, that was Thomas screaming. I believe Thomas’ memory of the haunted house is more...imaginative, than the original event. Perhaps Roman was feeling more present on this day than usual?”

“…”

“…Virgil? Are you okay?”

“…I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“...Perhaps we could revisit the theme park on another day. I believe on the day following this event, Thomas spent several hours at home relaxing with his friends. Why don’t we move onwards to that memory?”

“I told you, I’m fine!”

“That may be so. I, however, have grown weary of this memory. Roman’s influence has transformed it into a cacophony of chaos and it is quite…distracting. If you are amiable, I would like to move on to the next.”

“But…didn’t you want to ‘observe adrenaline?’”

“These memories will not be forgotten any time soon. I can revisit them another day. Additionally, observing memories of relaxation, of peaceful days with friends, are also essential to a successful study on emotional responses. Now, shall we go?”

“…yeah, that sounds great…Logan?”

“Yes?”

…Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“It is 2:36pm on day thirty-eight. Thus far, the experiment has been a success. Indeed, it has…been more successful than anticipated.

I believe I am beginning to understand these…emotional expressions. Indeed, recently, I have found the atmosphere between Virgil and I to be particularly emotionally charged.

…I think I might…

No. These logs are a scientific endeavour, it is no place for cognitive distortions.”

“Salutations. It is day forty-three of the experiment. For the record, Virgil and I have just finished observing a memory of Thomas’ first date. It was…an enlightening experience.”

“It was gross, that’s what it was.”

“I can agree that the memory was particularly emotional, perhaps overly so– “

“–it was sappy as fuck, why did we even go there?”

“–but it is my understanding that romantic attachments are important to Thomas, as well as to a significant portion of the general population.”

“Isn’t this more…Princey’s thing, though?”

“Normally, I would agree. Nevertheless, I believe it is essential for the experiment that I observe a wide range of emotional experiences.”

“Ugh, sure, whatever. Let’s just…not do that again.”

“…Understood.”

“Good.”

“…However, before we move on, I have a question.”

“Oh great.”

“Thomas seemed very pleased when his date held his hand. I’m aware that handholding is considered a romantic gesture, but why? Does it stimulate feelings of affection? Or is it something else entirely?”

“Oh my god. For the record, I am not answering that question.”

“…Very well. Then I will simply have to try it. Virgil, your hand please.”

“What?! I’m not– “

“Virgil. You agreed to be my assistant… unless you would rather do the laundry this evening?”

“Ugh. Fine.”

“...For the record, I am now holding Virgil’s hand. His palm is damp, possibly with perspiration–“

“Wh-what, why would you even– “

“–but it is warm, and quite…pleasant.”

“…”

“Virgil, are you okay? You look quite flushed. Are you feeling ill?”

“I’m fine!”

“Are you sure? Let me-”

“Yes I’m sure! Can this part of the experiment be over now?”

“Very well, I believe we have made excellent progress for today.”

“Erm…are you going to let go?”

“Oh. Of course.”

“It is day forty-five. I am aware that I previously stated that this log is only for recording the results of my ongoing experiment, however…I cannot keep this to myself any longer.

For the record, I think…

No, I know I have grown emotionally attached to Virgil. Initially, I suspected it was the result of our growing friendship. We have spent many days in each other’s company since this experiment began, so it is only logical that I would develop an affinity for his company.

However, I believe my initial assessment was…incorrect. I do value his company. He makes me feel… content. His smile. His laugh. His endless and absolutely infuriating sarcasm.

I don’t know how, or if, I’ll ever tell him, or what this means for the experiment, or for us, but to deny it would be illogical…

For the record… I’m in love with Virgil.”

“It is day forty-six. I have decided to halt the experiment for now, until I am more able to…control my emotions.

With hindsight, learning how to recognise emotional impulses may not have been a good idea.”

“It is day forty-nine. The experiment is still on hold. I think I might stop using this Dictaphone for now, until I am able to continue in the experiment…

…I haven’t spoken to Virgil since I realised the extent of my feelings.

I am unsure how to proceed. I can’t confess - Virgil is easily startled, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, or trigger an anxiety attack.

And I find it highly unlikely that he would – “

“Logan?”

“Oh! Virgil! Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I knocked, but you didn’t answer. Sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you, I can just-“

“No, no, stay! It’s fine. I was just…recording the latest update, for the experiment.”

“Oh. Have you been carrying on with that then? Erm, alone?”

“Ah. No. Not really.”

“Oh.”

“…”

“Are we…are we alright? Did I mess up? Cos’ if I did, I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to-“

“No, you didn’t do anything. We’re fine; everything’s fine.”

“…are you sure? We haven’t really…hung out in a while. I mean, it’s okay if you got tired of me, even I get tired of-“

“Virgil. I’m not tired of you. I could never be tired of you. It would be...impossible. Illogical.”

“Oh. Oh, good. I’m glad.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.”

“…”

“So, erm….did you wanna watch a movie or something? Patton made cookies earlier, we could have some? Maybe with hot chocolate?”

“That sounds…wonderful.”

“Erm, testing, testing, one two three? Wait no, that’s microphones. I’m just going to hope this is actually working…How does Logan usually start these again? Oh yeah. It’s day fifty, I think? I’m not sure, I haven’t been keeping track.

But yeah, Logan left the Dictaphone on the sofa…I think it might have fallen from his pocket, during the movie. It’s a good thing I found it, cos’ it’d be really fucking annoying if we lost all these recordings.

Anyway, it’s like 3am and I’m pretty sure he’s sleeping right now, so I’m just going to leave this outside his door. Okay, right, well, goodnight…

…and Logan? If you’re listening?

For the record…I love you too.”

Tags:

@thegeekgirl42 @nourstudies @demonickittykat @xix-leiloves-xix@uniquelyinsane7@podcastsandcoffee @the-potterhead-phandom @waste-disposal-unit @musicphanpie-b@superwaywardangel @thebrightsilverlining@here-to-vent@elder-jeremiah @gracefullyinsanedancingunicorn@zamoradraw @reallyawkwardlyawkwardhuman @makingsunshine@virgilmood @data7-cyber29 @mintelion @colie7700 @holdnarrytight@lizziepopanime @lostgirlgwen @wammygirl

#sanders sides #analogical #virgil sanders #logan sanders #my writing #fic

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starryeyed-char · 7 years

Text

On Camera

Or that one time Lance decided to live-stream when he really should’ve been resting. The (established) klance YouTuber AU that no one asked for, but you’re all getting. Domestic klance sharing an apartment is my jam, and throwing a little angst in there is a bonus.

I’m actually really happy with this, and if people like it I might do an actual long AU thing with this setting, so feedback is appreciated! For now though, just a one-shot. This is also proof that the best writing for me happens at 3 AM… oops. I hope you enjoy!!

Psst @taylor-tut this is that thing I not-so-discreetly mentioned in my tags, have a wonderful day.

Lance McClain was a rulebreaker in every way, except for one thing. He believed it was always necessary to have a routine, and never stray from it. If asked, he’d inform you that a steady routine was the foundation for a steady life.

Showering every morning, brushing his teeth every night, thinking of a cheesy one-liner for Keith each day without fail, the list went on. Little things.

One of his many routines was to live-stream, always on Sundays. Because who did anything besides sit at home, definitely not with a hangover, on Sunday?

New videos went up on Wednesdays, but the carefully edited ones on YouTube and his live-streams were very different. Many fans even preferred seeing him live, mainly because he couldn’t stop himself from making bad jokes, and was usually too lazy to straighten his bedhead.

And they would always ask him to go bother Keith in the next room, which Lance more often than not was obliged to do.

So when he woke up late one Sunday with a killer headache and a stuffy nose, Lance wasn’t about to let it get in the way of his routine.

He discovered a note from Keith on the kitchen table that said he’d be out running errands, and Lance lamented that he hadn’t been awake to tell Keith to get soup. After shooting him a quick text, the only response Lance got was “You don’t even like soup.”

Lance chuckled softly, which quickly led to a series of wet coughs. Clearing his throat, he began to set up his camera, wrapped himself up in blankets, and started the stream.

“Hey guys,” he said with a small wave, and winced at how raspy his voice sounded. He sniffled, and edged the off-screen box of tissues closer to him.

The chat was quickly flooded with “HELLO”’s and “LANCE!”’s. By now, all the fans knew when he went live. Lance was, however, surprised to see several inquiries about his health.

There were quite a few “Are you okay”’s, and even some “You seem sick”’s, with one of Lance’s personal favorites being “You look like shit.”

He read off the last comment with a short laugh. “Thanks, KeiththeKutie05.” Then, as an afterthought, he added, “Nice name.”

After a short pause of him continuing to scan the chat, he spoke again. “I’m fine though, just got a cold or something. Nothing could stop me from live-streaming!”

As the viewers seemed satisfied with this response, Lance wasn’t surprised to see the usual repetition of “Where’s Keith?” in the chat. He sighed.

“Mullet Boy is running errands,” Lance told them, rolling his eyes for effect. “Probably going out to buy a new pair of fingerless gloves.”

Keith and Lance had been sharing an apartment for some time now, and the Internet was very invested in their relationship, or so it seemed. Keith was annoyed by the whole thing at first, but Lance found it entertaining that his fans seemed to like Keith better than him. Lance could, admittedly, relate.

Eventually, the accidental publicity that came with dating a YouTuber inspired Lance to make a collab channel for them, though Keith never got his own. He insisted that he was too awkward to film anything by himself, which Lance secretly found adorable.

Numerous people began telling Lance to prank Keith when he came back, to which Lance grinned. Playing tricks on Keith during live-streams had become somewhat of a tradition in and of itself. “Maybe I will,” Lance tapped his chin thoughtfully. “You guys got any ideas?”

Lance read through some of the responses but saw nothing particularly appealing, then perked up at someone asking when he’d do a video with Hunk again.

“Actually, I got some good news for you guys,” Lance declared, sneezing into his elbow before continuing. “Hunk and I are going to be playing videogames on Pidge’s channel sometime next week, and Hunk has both of us coming over to his and Shay’s for a baking video. I haven’t decided what we should do for my part yet. Maybe a Q & A?”

Once again, Lance’s eyes scanned through the suggestions until his eyes snagged on one he liked. “Cards Against Humanity, huh? With YouTube’s shitty new rules it could get demonetized, but I do love that game, so why not? I’m positive Pidge owns it, and I can tell them to bring it over. Maybe I can even convince Keith to play with us.”

Lance couldn’t help but smile at the enthusiastic response that got.

“I think I’m going to get myself some more coffee,” Lance decided, looking down at the empty mug resting on a coaster. “Last night Keith made me watch this really scary movie, so I naturally had trouble falling asleep. Gotta have coffee to keep myself functioning. Do you guys prefer coffee or tea? Keith and I are both coffee people, but he likes his black. No sugar or anything, disgusting if you ask me.”

Lance almost regretted this comment as a war of opinions on black coffee slowly took over his computer screen.

“Well, anyway, I’m gonna go to the kitchen real quick. I’d bring my laptop but… I’d probably spill coffee on it, and we can’t have that.”

Lance stood, and was about to start towards the next room when his vision abruptly blurred and refocused. He knew immediately something was wrong.

His legs felt like jelly, and the room seemed to spin as he took a single step forward. Had he only been fine when he was sitting? Lance had half the mind to sit right back down, but his brain was growing muddled, and direction simply didn’t make sense.

Lance’s migraine flared abruptly in intensity, and then suddenly the wood floor was rushing up to meet him. Everything went dark.

Keith glanced at his phone as he moved around to the back of the car, where he’d stored the groceries, and had to repress a fond smile at the Twitter notification on the screen. Lance was, apparently, live-streaming. Keith thought he might actually miss his time-slot for once, but he figured by now he should be used to the Cuban boy’s dedication to routine.

Lance’s channel got some negative feedback from more ‘sophisticated’ YouTubers for being… all over the place. A dedicated beauty guru, or PrinceLotor as his channel was called, had dragged Lance on Twitter on more than one occasion.

Lance was anything but consistent when it came to videos. He did whatever he felt like doing that week, and the fans loved it. Sometimes he played songs on his guitar, sometimes he did prank-calls. He would film Q&A’s, or tell stories about all the interesting stuff that happened in his life— Lance’s bad luck was rather famous. He recommended TV shows, did hauls of what he got for holidays, vlogged on occasion when he went to stores, you name it.

But Lance’s favorite thing to do were collabs.

Hunk, an incredibly smart engineer, had a baking channel as a hobby, and Lance was his favorite assistant.

Pidge was a newer gaming channel, but their obsession with theorizing about the game’s lore while playing and busting other fan theories made them grow in popularity quickly. For two player games, Lance was ideal.

Allura was an extremely popular beauty channel, and Lance let her give him makeovers whenever she wanted to. Shiro could use extra actors in his short films.

And Keith… well, the two of them had a channel together that had no pattern whatsoever, much to Lance’s dislike. Absolutely spontaneous and random, usually doing things by popular fan request, like dancing or karaoke. And uploads were by no means regular.

Keith was surprised at how much he had started to enjoy it. Lance had been telling him he should start an art channel, with animations and speedpaints and the like, and Keith wasn’t… that opposed to the idea. It could be a useful source of income, to help with all the debt he would come into after graduating college. But he’d never tell Lance.

Without thinking too much of it, Keith swiped right across his screen, taking him to Lance’s tweet about the live-stream in order to like it. He was about to close his phone again and begin taking groceries up to their apartment when his eyes snagged on something odd.

Lots of the replies to Lance’s tweet mentioned him, particularly the recent ones, even tagging him in it. Keith couldn’t fathom why they would be talking about him if he wasn’t on the stream, unless Lance was complaining about him live again.

Keith bristled. Lance better not be still annoyed at him for the movie the last night. Signs wasn’t scary at all, and not even a real horror movie! Lance simply stated that 'he didn’t mess with aliens.’

But when he looked at all the mentions, Keith felt his irritation give way to confusion, and then panic.

“KEITH GET TO UR APARTMENT”, “YOU BETTER GO CHECK ON LANCE”, “HOLY SHIT HES COLLAPSED KEITH HURRY YA ASS UP”, and the one that really sent Keith reeling “UH GUYS IS IT JUST ME OR DID WE WITNESS LANCE’S DEATH ON CAMERA?”

Keith slammed the trunk, all groceries forgotten as he sprinted into the apartment building and ran for the stairs. They only lived on the third floor, and he was not about to wait for the slow, crowded elevator.

He fumbled to fit his key in the lock and opened the door to the living room, only to spot the live-streaming set up, with no Lance. Keith rushed forward, but drew up short when he realized that Lance was in fact passed out on the floor in front of the couch.

“Oh my god— Lance!” Keith sank down beside him, turning his boyfriend over. “Lance, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

Lance’s eyes opened slowly, and Keith felt relief flood his system, despite the uncharacteristically pale skin. “K-Keith? Wha… I thought you were shopping?”

“I’m back,” Keith answered shortly, wincing as he pressed a hand onto Lance’s forehead. “Jeez, you’re on fire. Why didn’t you tell me you were this sick?!”

“Are you a fire?” Lance mumbled under his breath, and Keith furrowed his brows in confusion.

“What? No, Lance, I was saying you have a fever.”

“Because you’re hot and I want s'more,” Lance continued, as if he hadn’t heard him at all. Keith was suddenly painfully aware that the live-stream was still going, and that his face was even more flushed than Lance’s, and not because of a fever.

Keith glanced at the computer sitting on the coffee table briefly, noting that most of the chat was full of random keyboard smashing. He smiled apologetically. “At least he’s conscious,” he shrugged, hoisting Lance up off the floor and propping one of his arm’s around Keith’s shoulder. “I’m going to take this idiot to the hospital, he’s way too hot.”

“So you finally admitted it,” Lance��s voice was barely audible, and Keith glanced back down to see him grinning up at Keith tiredly.

“I meant your temperature, dumbass. Next time, tell me when you’re not feeling well.”

And with that, he shut off the stream.

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gymnasticcrazy-blog · 5 years

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I usually feel so weak, low energy, like shit. Yesterday I ate the greasiest, cheesiest pizza ever and haven’t felt this good in WEEKS. Can someone semi health conscious help explain what is going on here? http://bit.ly/2RkQXwx

Okay. I am a health freak. I take green powders and supplements, I watch and choose carefully what I eat.

Last few weeks I’ve been feeling like shit. Specifically defined: I’ve been feeling easily stressed, easily get angry, SO CONSTANTLY TIRED, anxious and scared like frozen in fear, super sensitive like I can cry unconsciously at the drop of a hat, and like I can barely do anything. Also insomnia, I wake up like clockwork at 2:45am and cannot fall back asleep for the life of me. I am usually falling asleep by about 10pm each night.

I try to work out with what little energy I barely have and it has been making me feel worse and more tired. So frustrating.

3 months ago, I went to a doctor to get a checkup. Everything came back fine, minus a previous mono infection (is guess 2 years ago) evidence and markers came back saying I was pre-diabetic, all else was fine. My blood pressure perfect.

My daily diet 9/10 looks like:

Breakfast: Egg omelette. Lunch: Smoothie, veggie soup, crackers. Dinner: Piece or chicken / fish with salad or rice.

I never eat crap: Junk food chips, candies and sugary crap treats or like chocolate, ice cream, Dairy makes me feel weird in my stomach like cereal and milk so I hardly eat it.

I am on zero medications, didn’t add anything. No I don’t take drugs Since my teens.

So anyways here’s the change.

Last Friday my mate decided to order us pizza for dinner. I hardly ever eat this junk food but what the hell - I binge. I have six to seven large pieces of stuffed crust Italian pineapple pepperoni pizza: the greasiest, cheesiest, most delicious junk food pizza you could ever imagine.

To my shock and surprise, I fall asleep around 10:45pm feeling kind of good. Then it hits me.

I wake up at 7am. WTF. I’ve never, in the past six months, slept this long. Deep and full. I also lazily, calmly, was able to lay there in bed and “sleep in” more until nine. I can hardly almost never relax at this point in my early day, I usually feel so much anxiety and lay there totally restless and agitated and HAVE to get up, the suffering is horrible.

Okay so I am in a good mood, I feel calm, well rested, and..... AWAKE. I’ve almost never felt like this... AWAKE. Like I feel very present and aware, does this make sense?

I feel good, calm, motivated, strong, happy, and have SO MUCH MORE ENERGY. I feel this mental clarity like I suddenly felt very smart. These are the best way I can describe this state. I have so much energy today. SO MUCH MORE. I feel great inside. I hardly ever feel this good, or any of these things. I can get so much done. I feel SO AMAZINGLY better in a good mood, more energy; happier, more social. I usually feel anti social but I’m eager to talk to everyone and feel comfortable and energized and strong being around them and so positive. So much stamina I was able to work and work and work and do yard chores and catch up on projects and even play a Videogame AND learn a musical piece, all in the same day. I felt like a normal person again, I usually have to lay in bed so often I’m weak and feel miserable and am so tired and easily stressed every miserable day of my existence. I feel so good and strong and healthy now, like going from a baseline 3 to a 9.8. I don’t get what happened? It sounds like a MIRACLE right? That’s why I am coming in here posting this: In my world it literally was. Was it THE PIZZA? This doesn’t make sense to me at all. This is the only major variable that changed in my lifestyle or environment in the last 3 months or so. Literally. I’m like a rat in a cage I do the same things every day.

WTF? I keep a mood diary. This is by far the best day I’ve ever felt or had in about 4 months or longer. I don’t get what happened.

Can someone help me get to the bottom of this puzzle?

Last thing, more info:

I’m slightly overweight. I’m 31. I’m male. I’m a very big tall gentleman.

Can anyone relate to these emotions, share similar life experiences or stories about what is causing what or what helped you to consistently feel this better and amazing, and explain like what the hell could be going on causing this miracle?

Should I open up The Church Of Pizza?

submitted by /u/A1d4n_18 [link] [comments] December 23, 2018 at 05:26PM

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dorothyd89 · 6 years

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5 Hacks for Effortless Habit Building in 2018

At some point in the past few weeks (or five minutes ago after a google search), you’ve made a resolution to change your life:

I’m going to exercise every day!

I’m going to start flossing!

I’m going to start eating better!

I’m going to quit smoking!

I’m going to stop wearing jorts!

That’s awesome, and I’m very excited for you.

No, seriously! I want to see how this turns out – I love a good redemption story.

Maybe you told some friends, or posted it on your blog, or shared your experience on Instagram, or started a club at work with coworkers about your goals.

Although I’ve railed against Resolutions and big audacious declarations in the past, this year I’m changing my tune.

If you set resolutions or goals this year, be it in January and you’re in on “new year new me,” or you just had a big life event (birth of your first kid, scare at the doctor, etc.) and decided: “This is the year I get in shape!” – I’m here to help.

Everybody has goals – it gives us something to aim for.

They just need to be done right.

I want you looking back in 6 months and not recognizing the “old you,” instead of looking back and asking yourself “what the hell happened? Why am I back where I started?”

With over 40,000 students in our flagship online course, the Nerd Fitness Academy, 200+ 1-on-1 coaching clients, 1000 people in our monthly team adventure Rising Heroes, and 10 years with thousands of emails and success stories, we have a damn good track record at helping people build permanent habits.

This resource that dives deep into the key habit building techniques that will actually help you get in shape this year.

Why do we suck At Building Habits?

“I know what I’m supposed to do, I just can’t get myself to do it !” Welcome to the club – we all know what we need to do, but we just can’t get ourselves to make the important changes:

We know how to get in shape: move more and eat less!

We know how to exercise: get your heart rate up, do some push-ups, get stronger.

We know how to eat healthy: more vegetables and less sugar.

And yet, we can’t get ourselves to stick with ANY of these things for longer than a few weeks.

Why?

Simple: Building new habits is tough, our lizard brains crave instant gratification, we don’t fully understand how habits are built, life gets busy, and our default behavior is often as unhealthy as it is easy.

As a result we don’t put the right systems in place in order to make changes stick.

We also rely wayyyyy too much on willpower and motivation.

We tend to bite off more than we can chew, go too fast too soon, and then get overwhelmed too quickly.

Does this sound familiar?

I’m going to eat 100% paleo AND

I’m going to run 5 miles a day AND

I’m going to workout in a gym five times a week.

If you’re somebody that eats a typically poor diet, never runs, and hasn’t set foot in a gym since grade-school dodgeball with Mr. Wazowski, changing alllll of these at once is almost a surefire way to succeed at precisely NONE of them.

We’re conditioned these days to expect and receive instant gratification. If we want food we can get it from a drive-through, stick a frozen meal in a microwave, or sit down at a restaurant that’s open 24 hours. If we want a game we can download it to our computers/phones/PS4’s within a matter of seconds. If we want to watch a tv show, it’s a few clicks away.

Hell, Netflix even starts the next episode for you without any action required!

We expect getting in shape to go the same way.

And this is why we suck at building healthy habits that stick.

We tell ourselves “Hey, I’ve been dedicated for a whole two weeks, why don’t I look like Ryan Reynolds yet?”, not remembering that it took us decades of unhealthy living to get where we are, which means it’s going to take more than a few weeks to reverse the trend.

And then we miss a workout because life was busy or our kid got sick. And we get disheartened that exercise or giving up candy is not nearly as fun as netflix and video games and peanut M&Ms.

This is where everybody gives up:

They try to change too many habits too soon

They get impatient the results don’t come quicker

They slip up when life gets busy

And they go back to square one

It’s why we are doomed to stay overweight and suck at building habits. It’s the videogame equivalent of attacking too many bad guys at once: game over.

We’ll cover the specific habits and resolutions you SHOULD be picking later in this article, but I have a big damn question to ask you first: “But why though?”

Be Honest about Your “Big Why”

Before we do ANYTHING with actually building habits, you need a damn good reason as to why you want to build them in the first place or the changes will never stick.

Without a good reason, you’re dead in the water:

If you’re here because you decided you “should” get in shape, you’re going to fail the second life gets busy.

If you are dragging yourself to the gym because you think you “should” run on a treadmill five days a week even though you hate it, you’re screwed!

As you’re determining the habits or resolutions you’re trying to set, make the habit part of a bigger cause that’s worth the struggle.

You’re not just going to the gym, you’re building a new body that you’re not ashamed of so you can start dating again.

You’re not just learning to like vegetables, you’re losing weight so you can fit into your dream wedding dress.

You’re not just dragging yourself out of bed early, you’re getting up earlier so you can work on your side business before your kids get up so you can set money aside for their college education.

In our flagship online course, the Nerd Fitness Academy, we refer to this as your “Big Why.” Without it, you’re just forcing yourself to do do things you don’t like to do – that’ll never last.

Tie it to a greater cause and you’re infinitely more likely to push through the muck and mire to get it done.

So dig 3 levels deep and ask “why” until you get to the root cause of WHY you want to build a new habit or change a bad one. Write it down. And hang it up somewhere you can see it every day.

Got your reason? Great. Now let’s get into the science of habits.

Habit Building 101: the Three Parts

THERE ARE 3 PARTS TO A HABIT:

#1) Cue (what triggers the action): It can be a feeling: I’m tired, I’m hungry, I’m bored, I’m sad. Or it can be a time of day: it’s Monday at 9am, work is done, etc.

#2) Routine (the action itself): This can either be a negative action you want to cut back: I drink soda, I eat cake, I snack, I drink alcohol. I smoke cigarettes. I watch TV. or a positive one: I go the gym. I go for a run. I do push-ups. I read a book.

#3) Reward (the positive result because of the action): I’m now awake. I am temporarily happy. my hands/mind are occupied. I can forget the bad day I had. I feel energized. I feel good about myself.

Depending on your outine/action above that habits can either be empowering and amazing, or part of a negative downward spiral. Your body isn’t smart enough to KNOW what it needs to do: it just wants to fix the pain or chase the pleasure of the cue, and whichever way you choose to respond will become the habit when it’s done enough times.

Factor in genius marketing, behavioral psychology, bad genetics, and an environment set up for us to fail – and bad habits rule us.

It’s why we crave certain foods, why we can’t help but check our phone every time it vibrates, and why we can’t keep ourselves from watching one more episode or grinding one more level in World of Warcraft.

As Charles Duhigg points out:

“There is nothing programmed into our brains that makes us see a box of doughnuts and automatically want a sugary treat. But once our brain learns that a doughnut box contains yummy sugar and other carbohydrates, it will start anticipating the sugar high. Our brains will push us toward the box. Then, if we don’t eat the doughnut, we’ll feel disappointed.”

We have trained your brain to take a cue (you see a doughnut), anticipate a reward (a sugar high), and make the behavior automatic (nom nom that donut). Compare that to a cue (you see your running shoes), anticipate a reward (a runner’s high), and make the behavior automatic (go for a run!)

The Dark Knight himself said it best: “It’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.”

Let’s take a look at each part of the habit-building process and start to hack the sh** out of it!

Learn Your Cues: Recognize the triggers.

Whether you are trying to change an old habit, stop a bad habit, or begin a good habit, it starts with the first step in the process:

“The Cue.”

If you want to stop drinking soda, but feel like you need it every afternoon to get through work, your brain has been wired to think SODA after the cue:

Cue: I’m tired thirsty, and have no energy.

Routine: I drink a soda around 3pm.

Reward: Weeeeee caffeine! Sugar! Happy! My life has meaning!

When identifying bad habits to avoid, it starts by becoming aware of the cue that sets the habit in motion. Simply being aware of the cue is a great start to breaking the cycle:

When I get bored (cue), I eat snacks (routine), and it fills the void with a happy stomach (reward).

When I come home from work (cue), I plop down on couch and play videogames (routine), and it helps me forget about work (reward).

When I get nervous (cue), I start to bite my nails (routine), to take my mind off the awkwardness (reward).

So if you are looking to break a bad habit, it begins by identifying what the cues are that make you take the action that you’re trying to stop.

At the same time, you can mentally train yourself, just like Pavlov’s dog, to build a new habit by identifying the habit you want to build and the cue you want to use to proceed it:

When I wake up (cue), I will go for a walk (routine), and reward myself with an audiobook on the walk (reward)

When I get tired (cue), I will drink black coffee instead of soda (routine), and along with the caffeine boost (reward), I’ll get new running shoes after 30 soda-free days (reward), and satisfaction from the weight loss thanks to fewer calories (reward).

When I come home from work (cue), I will walk straight to my computer to work on my novel for 30 minutes (routine), and reward myself with netflix after i have written 500 words (reward).

So, whether you’re breaking a bad habit or starting a new one, it begins by recognizing the cue that triggers the habit. Once you recognize or pick the cue, you can start working on fixing the routine (action).

Make the Routine Easier: Use Systems

“Steve, I get it, but I still struggle with the ‘building the routine’ part…for some reason I just can’t bring myself to do it.”

Yup – welcome to the toughest part of a habit:

The Routine (the action itself!).

This is where we’re going to start thinking and acting like nerds and scientists. Whether we’re trying to stop a negative routine (stop drinking soda) or start doing a healthy routine (start running), both need to be addressed with a different battle plan.

For starters, we’re going to stop relying on two things:

Willpower – if you have to get yourself to exercise, you’ll give up when you get too busy or it’s too cold.

Motivation – if you need to be motivated, you’re going to give up and then beat yourself up for not being more motivated!

Both motivation and willpower are finite and fickle resources that will abandon you when you need them most. Suckers and chumps hope and pray that they have enough motivation and willpower to build a habit.

Not us though! We’re going to remove both from the equation and use systems and outside forces to make the routine even easier to build (or tougher to build if it’s a bad habit you’re trying to swap!)

This can be done in a few ways:

Environmental hacks: making the routine easier by removing steps needed to complete it, or adding steps between you and bad habit.

Programming hacks: add your habit to your daily calendar, track your progress daily with a journal, and make it part of your day.

We are products of our environment. We can use this information to our advantage, and make the process of building a new habit or changing a bad habit easier by modifying our environment. I dig into this more fully in our article: “Build your Batcave for Habit Change,” but I’ll cover the basics here.

Look at the places you spend your time. Reduce the steps between you and a good habit, and increase the steps between you and a bad habit. and you’ll be less reliant on willpower and motivation and more likely to do the new habit or skip the bad habit.

Here are five examples of environmental hacks you can use:

RUN EVERY MORNING: Go to sleep with your running shoes at the foot of your bed, with your running uniform laid out already. Hell, you can sleep in your running/workout clothes. Put your alarm clock on the other side of the room so you HAVE to get out of bed to turn it off.

GO TO THE GYM AFTER WORK: Pack your gym bag BEFORE going to sleep the night before. That way, every morning you already have a bag to throw in your car or bring with you. As soon as 5pm hits, you are in your car or on your way to the gym.

EAT HEALTHIER: Don’t give yourself an option of not eating healthy – throw out the junk food in your house and start preparing meals the night before. Put a lock on your web browser from ordering pizza online (yes you can do that now), and don’t drive down the street full of fast food places.

WATCH LESS TV/PLAY FEWER GAMES: Use your laziness in your favor. Unplug the tv/system. Increase the steps between you and watching the TV. Put parental controls on your own system and have your friend set the time limit and the password. Don’t rely on willpower – make it more difficult!

CHECK YOUR PHONE LESS: Turn off your notifications and uninstall the apps that waste your time. Put your phone in Do Not Disturb mode when you are at work, and put it in your desk drawer. Don’t rely on willpower to get yourself to not check your phone when it buzzes – get rid of the buzz.

You can also use programming hacks to help build NEW habits:

EXERCISE: If you want to exercise more, set calendar alerts at the beginning of your week so that every day at 8AM you receive a cue (ding! on your phone) and a reminder to do the activity. You’re much more likely to stay on target when the activity has been scheduled ahead of time.

HEALTHY EATING: Consider batch cooking! If cooking healthy meals every night sounds like way too much work (I hear you on that), consider doing it all on ONE day – its a significant time savings, and it also will reduce the steps between you and healthy eating because the meal is already cooked and in the fridge! I knew somebody who put his TV in his closet and cut his TV viewing by close to 100%.

WRITING: if you want to write a book, tell yourself you have to write 500 crappy words every day. Buy a calendar, and draw a big red X on every day you complete your task. Make your singular focus every day continuing the streak[1]This is called the Seinfeld Technique, from Jerry Seinfeld who talked about writing new jokes every single day [[1]].

Make the Reward Momentum Building

And we are finally at the third part of the habit:

“The Reward.”

When looking to replace bad habits, do some reward analysis on your bad habits:

Soda gives you a caffeine kick and a burst of energy in the afternoon when you’re tired. Can you replicate that energy boost for your body in a healthier way? Switch to black coffee and go for a walk.

You find you spend too much time watching TV because you love escaping into worlds, and its affecting your health. Can you listen to your favorite audiobook but only while walking?

This will require some analysis and digging into the reward you’re trying to recreate without the negative action. This can lead your brain to some tough places, but its healthy to dig into it.

If you find that you want to start drinking way less (or give up drinking completely), you might discover that the reward you’re chasing is actually “escape from a job I hate” and “avoiding social anxiety in bar situations.”

Dig into your reward and what your brain is craving, and then see if you can reverse engineer a healthier routine with the same reward.

And then use outright bribery to get yourself to actually do the new healthier and choose the better action/routine.

What works for science and physics also holds true to building habits: inertia and momentum will work against you when it comes to building habits…until it starts to work for you as the habit becomes automatic.

We can fix the third part of the habit-building loop, the reward, with momentum-building prizes or results to bribe ourselves to continue. With each healthy and positive reward, with each completed routine, we make the habit sliiiiightly more likely to become more automatic the next time.

In other words, create rewards that reward you back!

DON’T reward your routine (running!) with an unhealthy reward (cake!). That’s “one step forward, two steps back.” And nutrition is 90% of the equation when it comes to weight loss anyways!

DO reward your routine (running for 5 minutes every day for 30 days straight) with a reward that makes you want to keep running (a snazzy new pair of running shoes).

Hacks for Effortless Habit building

Your life will get busy.

There will be days when you don’t want to do your new habit. Or you want to backslide and go back to old habits. Actually, that will pretty much be every day, especially early on.

So don’t leave it up to yourself!!

Stop relying on yourself and start relying on outside forces. Here are the best tips you can use to get yourself to actually follow through with a habit:

1) RECRUIT ALLIES: friend or group of friends to build the habits with you: a recent study [2] showed that:

Among the weight loss patients were recruited alone and given behavioral therapy, 24% maintained their weight loss in full from Months 4 to 10.

Among those recruited with friends and given therapy plus social support, 95% completed treatment and 66% maintained their weight loss in full.

You do not have to do go on this habit-building journey alone. Building a guild or recruiting a group of people to support you and help you and make you better could be the difference maker in building habits!

When your friend is already at the gym waiting for you, you HAVE to go. If it was up to you, skipping out and watching Netflix has no negative consequences. Recruit friends and allies!

Don’t have that support group at home? Consider joining ours 🙂

Remember, those first few weeks are the toughest, which means they’ll require the most effort to get started.

2) CULTIVATE DISCIPLINE WITH CONSEQUENCES: When you can’t get yourself to follow through on a new healthy habit you’re desperately trying to build, make the pain of skipping the habit more severe than the satisfaction you get from skipping it.

Allow me to introduce some BRUTAL consequences:

Every time I skip ______________ this month, I will pay $50 to my wife/husband/friend who will donate my money to a cause I HATE.

Every time I decide not to _______________ this month, I have to run around my house naked.

Every time I do ____________ when I shouldn’t, I will let my three-year old do my makeup before work.

Do any of these results sound like fun? If you can’t afford to pay your friend $50, if running naked around your house might get you arrested, and if you’ll get fired looking like a drunk clown prostitute thanks to your kid’s makeup skills…maybe you just do what you know you need to do. The more painful it is to skip something, the more likely you’ll be to actually suck it up and do it.

3) NEVER MISS TWO IN A ROW. What happens if you miss a day? Who cares! One day won’t ruin you – but two days will – because 2 becomes 30 in the blink of an eye. As pointed out in a research summary: “Missing the occasional opportunity to perform the behavior did not seriously impair the habit formation process: automaticity gains soon resumed after one missed performance.[3][[3]]You can learn more about that study here[[2]].

4) DON’T PICK HABITS YOU HATE: “Steve I know I should run so I’m trying to build a running habit.” Stop. Can you get the same results with a different habit like rock climbing or hiking or swing dancing?” Pick a habit that isn’t miserable and you’re more likely to follow through on it.

At the same time, we have tons of success stories of people who went from hating exercise to loving how it feels. it’s because they made the habit part of a bigger picture: “I am exercising at the gym because I am building a kickass body so I can start dating again!” It’s because they had a BIG enough why to overcome their initial dislike of exercise until they learned to love how exercise made them feel.

5) TRY TEMPTATION BUNDLING: Consider combining a habit you dislike with something you LOVE, and you’ll be more likely to build the habit. If you hate cleaning your apartment, only allow yourself to listen to your favorite podcast when you are cleaning or doing the dishes.

Want to go to the gym more? Allow yourself an hour of watching Netflix, but ONLY while you’re on the Elliptical. This is called temptation bundling, and it can be a powerful change.

Ready to Build a Habit? Great! Do Less.

Now that you’re educated like a boss on the different parts of a habit, it’s time to build one!

I’ll leave you with a final bit of advice: if you decide that you want to run a marathon or save the world or lose hundreds of pounds, you’re going to screw up unless you internalize the following information:

DO WAY LESS.

Or in the immortal words of Kunu from Forgetting Sarah Marshall: “The less you do, the more you do”:

Pick ONE habit, make it small, and make it binary. Something that at the end of every day you can say “yes I did it” or “no I didn’t.”

Habits that are nebulous like “I am going to exercise more” or “I’m going to start eating better” are more useless than a Soulcycle membership for Jabba the Hutt.

Here are big examples. Be specific. Be Small. And track it:

Want to start exercising more? Awesome. For that first week, ONLY go for a walk for just 5 minutes every morning. Literally 5 minutes.

Want to start cooking your own healthy meals? Just aim for one meal per day or one meal per week. Whatever works for you and your schedule.

Want to stop drinking a 2 liter of Mountain Dew every day? Scale it back to 1.9 liters a day for a week. Then 1.8 for a wek. Then 1.7…

Want to get out of debt and build the habit of frugality? Start by saving an extra five bucks a day, or finding a way to earn an 5 bucks a day.

Want to learn a new language? Speak your new language out loud for 10 minutes per day. That’s it!

Keep your goals SMALL and simple. The smaller and simpler they are, the more likely you are to keep them. And the habit itself pales in comparison to the momentum you build from actually creating a new habit. I don’t care how many calories you burn in a 5 minute walk, just that you can prove to the new YOU that you can build the habit of walking, and only then can you up the difficulty.

We’re thinking in terms of years and decades here! So think small.

My real life example: I wanted to build the habit of learning the violin at age 31, but couldn’t get myself because I told myself I was too busy – which is a lie (“I only have 25 minutes, I need 30 minutes to practice…might as well not practice at all”), and thus I never played! Once I lowered the threshold to “I have to only play for 5 minutes per day”, it gave me permission to pick it up here and there – and I ended up practicing WAY more frequently, and got better much faster.

I still suck, mind you, but I’m lightyears ahead of where I was before!

And please: ONLY BUILD ONE HABIT AT A TIME.

If you’re new to building habits, or you have never stuck with anything long enough to make it automatic, it’s because you did too much. Habits are compound interest. As you build a new habit, it bleeds over to other parts of your life and makes future habits easier to build too – momentum!

You’ve tried the whole “build all the habits at once” and it doesn’t work. So try building ONE habit for 30 days. And then pick a habit that stacks on top of that one and helps you build more and more progress and more and more momentum.

Start today: Pick Your Habit and Go

I’ll leave you with a final quote from The Power of Habit:

“If you believe you can change – if you make it a habit – the change becomes real. This is the real power of habit: the insight that your habits are what you chose them to be. Once that choice occurs – and becomes automatic – it’s not only real, it starts to seem inevitable, the thing…that bears us irresistibly toward our destiny, whatever the latter may be.”

You’ll need more brain power right away, until your default behavior becomes the automatic habit building you’re chasing. With each day of you building your new habit, you’re overcoming any self-limiting belief, building momentum, and becoming a habit building badass! And then those habits become automatic.

So today, I want you to look at just ONE habit you want to change:

Identify the cue that spurs it on – Is it the time of day? Boredom? Hunger? After work? Stress?

Identify the potential rewards – Happiness? Energy? Satisfaction?

Identify a new routine you’d like to establish that results in the same ‘reward’ from the negative behavior…but in a more productive and healthy way.

I want you to leave a comment below: pick ONE habit that you’re going to build this month. and identify the three portions of the habit you’re looking to build.

Good luck – now go build some momentum. And ONE habit.

-Steve

PS: if your habit is getting healthier/stronger/weight loss focused, we have some premium resources here at Nerd Fitness that dig into the habit building psychology of this article:

Rising Heroes – Our monthly team-based, habit building story based adventure

NF Academy – Our self-paced online course with workouts, boss battles, and nutrition levels.

NF Coaching – 1-on-1 customized instruction from our coaches

### photo source: mouse on wheel, homer fail whale, storm trooper ladder, level up club, lego R2D2, storm trooper mirror, start, jigsaw, victory, rubik’s cube, , fred_v Evolution – Alternative

Footnotes ( returns to text)

Weight loss associated with social support: a study

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fitnetpro · 6 years