#so are you actually passionate about these things or are you pulling a tolkien?
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Heya Lovie , hope you're doing well😁
I'm obsessed with the idea that Maeglin didn't actually love Idril romantically and it was a rumour made to villainize him to cover up the fact her husband killed him ... I did see a post on it hence why I'm obsessed with it but your thoughts on that?
Second- Maeglin request please if you don't mind 😅 but my idea is a human comes to Gondolin for..whatever reason maybe a black Smith in training? And hence forth maeglin is assigned their mentor. But just said human trying to hide their feelings because insecurity is massive thanks to them gorgeous elves and their annoyingly good looks. I am liking the idea they're a male , even more reason to hide their feelings cause humans don't really accept gay relationships , specially in those times, so safe to assume that elves don't either (but they do thanks to love binds by the soul and not the body of said soul) so just fluff and some young love panic . I completely understand if you don't want to do the whole gay thing, gender neutral is perfect aswell. Take care 💕
Love Through Souls
featuring maeglin x male reader
fandom tolkien- the silmarillion
warnings ooc, shitty writing. . . and what not
a/n am sorry. . .
You carefully tried to do as Maeglin had instructed you - feeling a little nervous with every move.
You hoped you weren’t too obvious on how you continuously looked at him.
It was because you couldn’t help yourself - from gazing at the tall and dark haired ellon in front of you.
He was assigned as your mentor the moment you show interest in smith work.
It was rather kind of king Turgon to take in your poor shivering human male soul from unkind lands.
It was common knowledge that the wise king did let almost anyone into his hidden kingdom - to say you were lucky were an understatement.
“Careful!”
Maeglin ordered - keeping you away from the sparks that soared from the fire.
Your heart couldn’t help the involuntary leap it had done when he had put himself in between the fire and yourself - pulling you beside him as it soared.
Maeglin never ceased to mesmerize you everyday with skills and abilities as a smith.
It was rather both inspiring as well as mesmerizing - it had only made you fall deeper for him.
But sadly you knew the case - not only were you a human, but a male. . . besides the young prince had already set his sights on the princess of Gondolin.
She was rather beautiful with her long golden-like hair that seemed to sparkle and tint like of a jewel - and her eyes of deep blue could draw anyone in.
Not only herself - but every elleth and ellon present in your sights only made you question deeper about yourself.
You felt fat and frumpy in the sights of such beauty that left your eyes wide in wonder.
But out of all elves present - especially among the males of course - the only one that truly caught your attention had been Maeglin.
WIth his broody and silent nature - with sharp stares and careful gazes he managed to capture you in at once without taking too long.
You had not meant to fall for the ellon - you had known how humans alone in your village had felt about same sex couples.
Therefore - you could not even begin to think on how elves would react towards it.
So you kept it down - ignoring the hurt that caged your heart every time you spotted Maeglin’s eyes linger on Princess Idril.
But even as you did - everything he said or did, like for example now how he pulled you behind him to protect yourself from the fire - the more you fell and the harder it was for you to suppress your feelings towards him.
It was getting harder and harder day by day to be around him as he mentored you.
Therefore finally you had decided to let it go - for the sake of further humiliation and the ache of your heart you let go of your passion of smithing.
So Maeglin no longer needed to mentor you - and you no longer needed to face him every day.
Your hands delicately brushed over the small metal tag chain necklace you made - it had both your own name and Maeglin’s name carved on it.
It was something you made yourself - sure as you were still learning there were a few dents and misshapes but it was still worth it for you.
You had made it when Maeglin was away with king Turgon in his gardens and was not able to mentor you one day.
While it may never happen - at least you were free to dream about it right?
Then suddenly your door slammed open - making you jump from the edge of the bed where you were sitting. You instantly hid the chain necklace.
If looks could kill you would be 10 feet under the ground right now - because of how Maeglin glared as he walked over to you.
He reached within milliseconds because of his long strides and you did not even have time to react.
“You could have knocked…”
You said quietly.
“I rather not have - considering how my student failed to attend his class today.”
Maeglin’s deep voice rumbled - making you shiver.
“I had informed the king I will no longer be attending smithwork.”
You said - looking at your feet.
“Yes - I’m aware you informed my ever wise uncle but you did not inform me - nor did you give him my uncle a valid reasoning - therefore I do not approve of you quitting!”
Maeglin said.
It was the first time you had seen Maeglin react like so - usually he was quiet and reserved but this was like he was speaking before thinking like he usually does.
It means you had struck hard to make Maeglin mad enough to behave like so.
“I apologize for not coming to you. . .”
You offered a straight heartfelt apology - keeping the chain necklace clasped in your hands and hidden behind you.
Maeglin looked surprised - even a soft red tinge appeared suddenly on his cheeks as he blinked and cleared his throat, looking both shameful and awkward.
“. . .Why have you quit?”
He asked instead - from the sound of his tone, it was easy to tell he had wondered about it too many times and had been trying to hide it.
But emotions had been something Maeglin always struggled with - either he wouldn’t come to terms with something, or other times he never understood what they meant.
“I do. . . - I do not have the passion for it, no more. . .”
You sighed with a gulp - your hands clasping tighter around the necklace.
“I do not believe that for a second!”
Maeglin declared - making you shocked for a moment.
You only frowned at him.
Then Maeglin tried to peek behind you.
“What is it you hold behind you?”
Your eyes widened and your clasped the necklace tighter.
“Nothing of which concerns the matter.”
You tried to put out formally - then stepped backwards as Maeglin took a step towards you.
Maeglin narrowed his eyes - staring into your eyes as if debating on something in this mind.
This seemed to be the Maeglin you knew - the one who was careful and calculated, who needed time to formulate his thoughts into words as he stared at the person he wished to speak with.
Others found it uncomfortable - you did too at first - but later realized it was how he was able to function.
This time however - he swiftly reached behind you.
With this elvish swiftness you didn’t even have the time to react as he quickly grabbed the chain necklace off your hands and dangled it above your head reading engraving on it.
You gasped trying to reach for it - but Maeglin kept it away from your grasp.
“What is this?”
He asked incredulously.
Your heart couldn’t but beat painfully fast.
You managed to grab it back and turned away from him - he probably felt so disgusted.
Tears had pricked the corners of your eyes.
“Nothing!”
“Let me see. . .”
Maeglin offered - feeling awkward and guilty at the sight of your tears.
“No - you should leave. . .”
You whimpered.
Maeglin gulped.
“Please. . .Y/N - I did not mean to offend you. . .It does-”
“It does not matter, please leave. . .”
You said starting to cry, your heart aching.
Maeglin fisted and unfisted his hands - before he harshly turned away slammed your door shut behind him as you cried.
— — —
It has been a week since the incident. You had been in the gardens - randomly walking thinking of what to do with your life since you already gave up your passion for smithing.
Then sooner or later become the gossip in the hidden city.
You had thought of leaving - but you knew yourself walking outside these borders was a death sentence in a literal format.
You sat near the fountain leaning against it.
It was no use crying - you already did that a few times, no point in wasting another round of tears that can’t help anything.
You leaned back further - when you suddenly felt something odd against your head.
You turned your head to see a chain necklace hanging off the edge of the fountain.
You frowned and took it in your hands softly.
There was a centre stone - pendent necklace - and it had been your birthstone.
Your frown only deepened - then you turned it as you felt something engraved in the back of it in Sindarin.
You couldn’t understand it - but you obviously made out your name and Maeglin’s, making your eyes widen.
“From me to you, Y/N. Yours, Maeglin. . .”
Suddenly - you heard his name, making your head snap up at him.
Your eyes were still wide and unbelieving as Maeglin awkwardly shifting from one foot to another.
“May I sit?”
He asked - when you didn’t respond.
You gulped and nodded.
Maeglin sat down close to you - sending you a disapproving gaze and looked so much like King Turgon’s scowl as you tried to scoot away.
You sighed staying put.
Either of you spoke for a long time - simply staring ahead.
“You know. . .it is frowned upon. . .and perhaps even wrong. . .”
You bit your lip saying it.
“What is?”
Maeglin frowned.
“Two males. . .in a relationship. . .”
You struggled to stay.
Maeglin didn’t say anything for a moment.
“I have given it thought and I do not see any wrong in us. . .”
He tried to say.
But you shook your head.
“Mae. . .It is frowned upon. They will not accept it. We will be disowned, mocked and gossip.”
You softly said.
“Why do you think they will not accept? Humans do not accept this form of relationship?”
Maeglin frowned - some bit of fury in him rising.
“No. I presume the same for elves.”
You frowned.
“Sure. . .It may not be common and I have not seen another couple such as this. . . but Gondolin will accept us. . .”
Maeglin promised you.
“How?”
You frowned deeper.
“Because elves do not care for what body your lover is, meleth. . .we love and cherish through souls. . .that is love. . .and that is what my mother has taught me. . .”
He said quietly and softly - still having a hard time talking about his mother.
You blinked, sighing. You were scared that you will not lie about.
“Are you sure. . .they will not. . .”
You struggled to say the words.
“Trust me. . .”
Maeglin whispered and you nodded.
Then he leaned forward - pressing his lips against your lips calming the anxiety in your heart and soul. . .
Maeglin was right. . . this was love through the souls. . .
Taglist form
tara's taglist: @wandererindreams @fizzyxcustard @ranhanabi777 @spidergirla5 @asianbutnotjapanese @floraroselaughter @mismaeve @bunson-burner
silm taglist: @doodle-pops
#maeglin x reader#maeglin imagine#maeglin#lomion#silmarillion x reader#silmarillion imagine#silmarillion fic#middle earth x reader#middle earth imagine#house of the mole#lords of gondolin#gondolin#maeglin x male reader#eunoiawrites
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hi! i was wondering if i could get event matchup for spiderverse?
i'm new follower but i already love your blog! your theme is so pretty and your writing brings me sooo much joy!
i'm 20 y.o woman, my pronouns are she/her
i'm demisexual panromantic
i'm enfp 7w8, leo
i'm 6'0 and have amber eyes, long gold blond curly hair and hourglass figure
i'm positive and upbeat person, i try to see the bright side in most situations
i'm friendly, energetic, confident, sarcastic, responsible, maybe a bit chaotic, cheerful and bubbly
i care about my friends and family a lot, and go out of my way to show it
i enjoy having fun and living life to the fullest
i'm very competitive and passionate person
i really like puzzles, riddles and crosswords
i love making people smile
i have morbid, dark sense of humor
sometimes i randomly say a weird obscure fact in the middle of conversation
i can play on violin, cello, piano, guitar, saxophone, harp and drums, i'm currently learning how to play on trumpet
i like poetry and sometimes i write a poem or two, also i'm writing my book
i'm ballet dancer since i was a kid and i love performing
i'm working on my own cartoon
i never quite grew out of the fantasy phase, and i'm still enamored with tales of changelings and witches
i work as illustrator for fantasy books and books for kids
i'm kinda struggling with taking rest, doing nothing, because there is always something to do, something new to learn, etc.
i'm afraid of stagnation
i overuse this kind of emojis→(ㆁωㆁ)
my style is something between whimsigothic and cryptidcore
i love: found family trope, summer, sunflowers, collecting things, colors yellow, maroon, blue and green, astronomy, tea, making and watching movies, forests, making jewelry, cooking, baking, d&d, horrors, animals, plants, gardening, traveling, art, history, world mythologies, works of J.R.R Tolkien, learning new things, psychology, handicraft
ideal type: someone who truly understands me. someone who i can go on and have deep talks with them. i want this magical ✨connection✨
sorry if it's too chaotic
i hope you have a fantastic day (◍•ᴗ•◍)
HONEYMOON MATCHUP WITH : MILES MORALES
— honeymoon
— miles is not exactly sure how the two of you met — the one thing he vividly remembers about the first time he had seen your face though was the one time he bumped into you in the school hallway— you were carrying a stack of papers and he tripped over his own feet and the two of you fell to the ground — he apologized profusely while helping you gather your papers — he was a mess, blushing and stumbling over his own words and you laughed and he paused — the sound was like music to his ears. you'd smiled at him and told him that it was okay and he shouldn't worry about it — he might've said something along the lines of "uh, uhuh, yeah, i'm so sorry." because he truly couldn't manage anything else out, too awe-struck by you — you could say he literally fell for you.
— you became close friends quickly after miles found out the two of you share art class — by heart, he was an artist, so it was no surprise when you found sketches of yourself in his sketchbook and teased him about it, it was all good fun with the two of you laughing and then comfortable silence fell over the two of you after, and almost as if on instinct, miles leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in a soft peck — it was like he was drawn to your lips ( actually, he always has been ) and he pulled himself towards the attraction instead of resisting it, it was only to his surprise when you kissed him back.
— and then, when it was summertime and you were sitting atop a roof and miles swung right besides you — laughing at how you yelped in surprise before taking off his spider-man mask and handing you a bouquet of sunflowers he had handpicked for you himself, grinning at how happy you looked, you were laughing as you inhaled in the scent of the flowers, before hugging him tightly and thanking him, he laughed — his heart skipping beats in his chest as he leaned in to kiss you, to savor your sweet taste that matched the sweet words you always spoke to him, and he couldn't help but think about just how lucky he was.
— what's on the radio : stop the world cause i wanna get off with you, the arctic monkeys
a/n : this man is literally so dhuwhjdsh i love him so much, ty for the request <33
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HII BABY LOVELY JENNIE DEAR CAN I GET SOME GENERAL TOLKIEN NSFW HEADCANONS HES SO PERFECT PLSA SE PLEASE GIRLIE IM SO ATTRACTED TO HIM
LOOK AT MY MASTERLIST DUDE IVE ALREADY DONE THAT
BUT!!!! JUST FOR U!!!!
I WILL DO SOME MORE BECAUSE THOSE R SO SHORT
female reader + nsfw below the cut 👍👍👍
OKAY so hes obviously pretty dominant in bed, but i cant see him as anything exept a service top honestly.
besides actual sex, his favorite thing is definitely eating you out. he loves how intimate it is to be inbetween your legs and to not think about anything exept for you and your pleasure.
also he's really good with his fingers
just kissing you turns him on beyond belief. like nothing makes him harder than when you guys make out and pull eachother close. he loves the intimacy of a passionate kiss
that being said, he absolutely will make out with you during sex, especially if he's close to orgasm
hes very grabby too!! he always has a hold on your hips or thighs, probably your ass too lets be honest here
he thinks clothed sex is like,,, the hottest thing during sex ever.
he loves to slowly drag his hands over your body and up your shirt or slowly push his hands down and past the waist band of your shorts
whatever clothes you're wearing, it doesnt matter. he literally loves it everytime!
also i feel like he would melt if you ever pushed up his sweater and ran your hands along his chest while he was inside of you
#south park x reader#token x reader#token black x reader#tolkien x reader#tolkien black x reader#WEEWEJWJEHEH I LUV HIM#reblogs > likes
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I’d love author commentary on basically the whole scene at Ekkaia in all my war is done (or any individual part of that scene, if your prefer). Taken together, it’s one of the most beautiful and emotionally complex and heartrending things you’ve written, from the description of the sea itself, to the difficulties of Fingon and Alqualondë, to Gil and the ocean and his ‘mother’, to Fingon and Gil beginning to tackle the thorny subect of Maedhros.
I should admit something about all my war is done: it's the most fugue-like my writing has ever been. I jotted down a few notes on my commute into work - I was deeply underwater with my PhD at the time, three months away from submitting - and then the idea of writing a sequel to scion seized me so profoundly that I sat down in the Starbucks where my bus stops, took out my laptop, and wrote instead of just collecting my coffee and walking down to my office. I wrote 15k. In one day. In about five or six hours. I've never achieved anything like that before or since - I do have good days where I can knock 2-4k out easily, but not 15k. (You might note that the posted part of all my war is done is only 12k, but I wrote all the way up into the next bit with Fingon in Tirion that you've read, up until Turgon at the dinner table). I didn't sit down or plan events; I didn't actually know much about what would happen: but I knew they were going to Ekkaia and they'd have some kind of resolution there. These are my phone-notes, from that morning:
You can see, I think, something of the way an idea hits me. I note down a few snatches of plot, not necessarily in any order, some lines I think people should say at some point, although I might not use them, sketch out some things (Formenos's ruins were going to feature more heavily, but they're waiting for a later story).
(It makes me laugh, the words my phone doesn't accept - Gil-galad, for one - and the ones it automatically capitalises from where I've yelled enthusiastically about elf things at people. I never stop long enough to correct spelling etc when I'm trying to get something down).
I clearly knew from inception that I wanted Fingon's place to be called the hill of waiting, and had tried out the name in Sindarin; because my verbs are not good, I came up with Amon Dartha. It was when I was redrafting that I realised Amon Darthir had existed actually in Dor-lomin(!!!) and the name was even more perfect symbolically than I'd meant it to be! Did I know that, unconsciously? I don't know.
You can see, too, that the Sea of Ekkaia was almost the very first point to hit me, and that I knew it and the scene there would be important, and that I knew that the story was about Fingon finding a way to tell Gil-galad that he had been loved, and wanted, and that meant talking about Maedhros; and that at the end I wanted Gil-galad to be gently, impersonally, firmly clear that he would not, could not, be staying to wait with Fingon.
Okay, DVD commentary proper - I'm sorry, I remember awfully little about writing this, given the fugue state and my thesis and everything, so I'm not sure how useful this will be!
“Oh,” said Gil-galad when they broke out of the woods and began to ride down over the dune-lands to the rocky shore. “Oh!”
The Sea of Ekkaia was beautiful, in its own way, but that way that was like no other place in Arda, in either Aman or Middle Earth.
It was a dark-blue that was almost black, even in the late afternoon, and the shore was less sand than gravel, a strange inconsistent rubble of rock and broken sea-shells that had been dashed to pieces by the constant fury of the waves. Staring out to sea, one did not see the far-away horizon the way one did on the gentler coast of Belegaer: there was no gentle faraway blue haze through which one might, perhaps, on a clear day, imagine that Middle Earth could be glimpsed, or at least the Straight Path.
No: instead along the horizon there was a seam of silver light, and then a great blackness, where the Sea of Ekkaia met the Uttermost West that was not quite the Doors of Night, but was certainly the end of Aman itself. If you stood on the shore watching, the seam would ripple with a pulse of light, sometimes green and sometimes white.
It was so far from anywhere the Eldar of Valinor lived. While they clustered around the Belegaer like moths to flame, this shore seemed instead to repel them. Was it the sight of the world’s end itself? It might be; yet Fingon thought there was more to why this wilderness was so little visited, this howling black sea lashing itself against a grey shore. It was beautiful, but not in the way Elves liked things to be beautiful: it was too raw, too unfinished, too savage.
It was too close to where Mandos kept his Halls, which were not only a thing of spirit but also matter, at least in the way that things in Aman were both. Too close to where Nienna’s tower looked out into the Void and where she wept, and wept, and wept. It was too close to death and to rebirth, to judgment and to pity.
There's a little Dawn Treader, I think, in this idea of the uttermost West. I don't know why I thought the seam of the world should pulse with strange light, but it's an uncanny kind of geography, so near Mandos and Nienna, and I like the sense that this is the end of the world, but not the end of the universe.
A lot of this came together serendipitously. I knew some kind of memorialisation of the river that bore Gil-galad needed to be part of his story; that meant going to the sea; and it's clear from the notes that I had already decided that couldn't mean Alqualonde because of kinslaying reasons and memories. (And that that too would need to be confronted). Therefore: roadtrip to Ekkaia. Therefore, the question: what would Ekkaia be like? We don't really know anything about it - only the good qualities of Belegaer. This was really written by a process of inversion, a way of pulling what we know about Belegaer inside-out, and imagining a place at the world's edge, a place that was empty, a place that was uncannily close to difficult things, to Mandos and Nienna; a place that seemed to repel the Eldar as surely as Belegaer drew them like iron filings.
I was thinking visually about New Zealand, too. I spent my childhood summers on the beaches up north, mostly around Tūtūkākā, which are bright and lovely, with golden or white or tawny sand, with gnarled pohutukawa and blue-green water. Like this:
That's what beach and sea meant to me, and it was a shock the first time I went to one of the black sand beaches where the wind howled and the colours weren't blue, green, gold, but iron, grey, navy, black. I loved it, but it felt so other, so passionate, so strange. That shock and that wild beauty and desolation were things I wanted to get at, though Ekkaia would be far more wild and desolate still.
They left the horses in the thin sea-grass, and their shoes, too, and walked down to the water. “I missed it,” Gil-galad said, and closed his eyes, breathing in the brine. “I missed it badly, all the long years besieging Mordor before I died.”
I think Gil-galad would be very marked by his upbringing first in the Falas and then on Balar; you don't lose that, if you grew up by the sea.
The wind took up his long dark hair and made a banner of it as they walked along the rough crescent of rocky ground where the waves met the shore, and around their bare ankles small stones tumbled back and forth in the lace-edge of the water.
When I was young I used to stand in the water and let the waves bury me up to my ankles, watching the water move in, out, spreading skirts of lace overlapping as new waves came in. I could do it for hours. There's something very liminal about the water's edge, between the solid land and the sea, which is why I put this conversation in it, I think. They're in a liminal space and at a liminal moment. It's the scene the whole story has been inexorably building toward, the point where all Fingon's painful scraping-away of his barriers finally reaches his skin.
“Sometimes in Middle Earth it became very difficult to believe in the Valar,” Gil-galad said, his eyes still closed, “in the blood, and the mud, and the filth. There were so many great and small unfairnesses, day upon day, year upon year.” He opened his eyes and looked towards the Uttermost West where the world ended. “And here it is impossible not to. Look at it!"
This is a little more hopeful than the original version, which I don't have anymore, but went pretty much:
"Sometimes in Middle Earth it was very difficult to believe in the Valar,” Gil-galad said. "In the blood, and the mud, and the filth. There were so many great and small unfairnesses, day upon day, year upon year.”
It was a comment more about Gil-galad's rueful scepticism than wonder - because he fought the Dagorlad before he died, because he spent the last ten years of his life in mud and blood and filth and horror. I work on the First World War - its literary legacy and traces in the decades after, more than its immediate experience or actuality, because there was a ten-year period after 1918 where it was more latent than overt, a traumatic lacuna of silence, a Nachträglichkeit- and I thought in the blood, and the mud, and the filth was a little too on the nose.
I kept it, though, because Tolkien was drawing on his own memories of the trenches with the Dagorlad and the Dead Marshes, with those blurred lines of solid land and mud/bog, the living mixed up with the remains of with the dead, all the themes you see again and again in the war poetry and the officer war-books. (Santanu Das is very good on this, as is Eric Leed). Paul Fussell is a bit old-hat now, but his argument that WWI altered the sensibility of its survivors because of their close, consanguinous co-existence with the dead is something I still find valuable. I think there's a lot of WWI survivor in the way I think of Gil-galad, actually, I'm just realising - not that he survived the Last Alliance. He's detached in a different way from Fingon. Fingon's built himself a thick layer of repression/denial, a kind of callous to protect himself from confronting or thinking about what Maedhros did, and what that means for him and to him; Gil-galad is entirely present, but somewhat detached in some ways, the way people who came back from war could be. Not that Fingon and Finrod aren't also separated from the Amanyar by their time in Beleriand and experience of war and death, but Gil-galad lived there for millennia, and he fought a longer, harder, more total kind of war than they did.
But he's at the Sea of Ekkaia, as west as you can get. So much of Tolkien is about that endless longing glance west, that movement: why is this very westernmost edge so under-explored?
I wanted Gil-galad to be softened by this encounter with the sea, so I went back and let his wonder be as much at the spectacle itself as the sea, like the greater hand at work he had sometimes doubted being visible was something wonderful rather than something to be bitter about. I wanted to position him to be potentially open to, perhaps, the Valar; perhaps, to Fingon. I hope he doesn't come off as closed-minded: I think of him as having a fair mind, and good judgment, but - despite placing him here between the sea and the shore - very clear personal lines between what he thinks is just, and what is not. Certainly, it helps a lot, never having known the Feanorians when they had not fallen.
The seam of the universe pulsed with light, and beyond it was – what?
Unutterable nothingness, something worse than death.
Perhaps Maedhros.
This is an important line for Fingon. He hasn't though the name of his own accord for much of the story, flinching away from it; it's only come in when Finrod and then Gil-galad speak the name. This is the first time he's thought it clearly of his own free will, and this is I think the first signal that he's brought Gil-galad here to be as honest and earnest with him as he can be, however much it hurts, or however much it might drive him away. Because if he isn't, and doesn't, Gil-galad will be driven away anyway, and Fingon wants to be connected with him, the first time he's wanted that kind of bond with anyone since he returned.
(I think of Finrod as someone who just kept turning up, regularly, and forcing Fingon to associate with him; and then bringing Amarie; and then his children; and not taking no for an answer. It bothers Turgon rather terribly that they seem to be friends now, when they were never that close Before: that Fingon pushes him away, but allows Finrod to keep pushing; that Finrod does push. He doesn't know about Gil-galad, of course).
He's brought Gil-galad here to show him if possible that he was wanted, to conjure up lost Ringwil where she might be felt if not found; and to do the same for Maedhros. This is a signal that this journey to the sea is as much about Gil-galad's missing father as his missing mother.
The almost-forgotten tang of salt in the air always mingled with the smell of blood in Fingon’s worst memories, and he was not the only one who remembered. The waves were gentle around Gil-galad’s feet, but they boiled furiously around Fingon’s, delivering small spiteful slaps at his calves.
Spiteful was probably the wrong word here. I don't necessarily mean a dramatic boiling or bubbling; but the water is harsh where it touches him, the kind of slapping roughness you get when the tide is coming in rough.
It took Gil-galad longer to mark the difference, engrossed in the joy of the sea and spectacle as he was, and when he did, his face changed. There was something terribly sad in his eyes when he lifted them from the water to look at Fingon.
It wasn’t why he had brought Gil-galad here; but Fingon didn’t want to imagine the look he would receive if he brushed aside the silent question. “No,” he said. “I am not forgiven.”
“So I see.”
They could probably leave it there.
But Fingon won't, because he's trying. He's really trying to connect after all the time flinching away from it, and he's remembering what Gil-galad said about talking, and what Finrod said about mistakes and silences in their first life.
He said, “You said you loathed the thought of being the son of – a murderer. But my own hands have not been clean since Alqualondë, and death didn’t unstain them. All the time you thought I might be your father, you must have known I was a Kinslayer, too.”
I tried to signal this in their earlier tower conversation with Finrod, and Gil-galad's changing of the topic, but I feel like it's a little abrupt here.
“Yes,” Gil-galad said, and his expression didn’t change. “And when the knights that had served you came to me, they told me that you killed that day in ignorance, that you came upon a battle already being fought; that you took up your sword to save those you loved and didn’t question whether it was just. I heard that from others, too, those who had less reason to bend facts to a flattering pattern; survivors of Gondolin and of Nargothrond. I did ask."
“Ignorance wasn’t an excuse. I died ashamed of it, and I live again with the shame.”
"Good!” said Gil-galad, and there was no forgiveness in his voice, even when Fingon jerked his head up in shock. Instead there was the stern ring of a king used to weighing the ideals of justice against the world as it was, the king who had walked arm in arm with Eonwë the Maia, led his people through many full-fledged wars, and held court and meted justice to them for an Age. “That gives me a far better opinion of you than any of the stories did! I’m glad.”
I remember talking to you about this in the comments, about what it meant that Gil-galad wasn't forgiving him. I think I really meant condone, but I also don't think it's Gil-galad's place to absolve Fingon - he wasn't the one wronged! - and that it's important to me that, because Fingon does truly regret it, he doesn't wish to be absolved, to slide away from it. I don't mean he ought to wallow in it or flog himself with it daily, but I think it would be important to him to shoulder and own that guilt rather than ever allowing himself to put it behind him or have someone else tell him it’s quite all right.
I think this is a moment where I show that they're quite similar, too, because even if Fingon wasn't aware that a bracing, clear assessment was just what he wanted, it was what he needed, rather than people being kind (which he's had a lot of, since he returned; and which hasn't touched that central guilt he's hidden from them, that he loved Maedhros, who had done such terrible things. It's prevented him from accepting kindness made him block people reaching out to him. Gil-galad is not being kind, but just, and still reaching out).
It felt like Fingon had been struggling to take a full lungful of air for a long time, and now something constricting in his chest had loosened, as it hadn’t even after the Valar themselves had judged him. It was only now that he realised that he hadn’t wanted Gil-galad to forgive or absolve him. He had wanted – needed – Gil-galad to be better than him, to withhold forgiveness when it was unmerited; and Gil-galad had. He had become the shining legacy they had all hoped he would be, the thing they had all somehow done right.
The water slapped at his ankles again, in impatient reminder.
This is too brief a transition. I should have fleshed the join out more.
“I think Ulmo would come to you here, if you called. You were a king by the sea in Middle Earth, and you may not remember it, but it was a river who gave you life.”
Gil-galad looked at him as if he’d grown an extra head. “What?”
“I brought you here for a reason,” Fingon said. “Where did they go, the drowned and poisoned rivers of Beleriand? I don’t know; but Ulmo might.”
I've really personified the rivers, but I think it's a clear and easy extrapolation from the Withywindle and the River-daughter in The Fellowship of the Ring that I don't need to justify in order to argue that every river might have had its own attendant Maia-spirit. It does make what happened to the Rivers of Beleriand much worse, though, and I wanted to look at the way a character that was a throwaway mechanism in scion ended up being sickened and dying as horribly as Beleriand did; this story was really about following all those lighter bits in scion home, to the end of the line, and looking at the long-term impacts of something that began more lightly. In this verse, Ringwil was a river, but also a person; and I think of her and Finrod as sharing a strange human-river friendship and overlapping enthusiasms.
He clapped Gil-galad on the shoulder, hoping it said all the things he meant it to say. Affection had been so easy for him once, in the life that had been taken from him by the fiery flails of the Balrogs, but now it came hard, and the sea-smell was in his nose, the terrible memories too close to the surface.
He had surely outstayed Ulmo’s tolerance by now. Fingon left Gil-galad there in the water, and didn’t dare glance back until there was thin sandy soil under his feet again.
Only then did he look once more towards the sea.
Gil-galad was standing in the shallows. His broad shoulders were bunched tight, as if he was readying himself for something very difficult, a confrontation with one of the Valar he had long doubted.
Then he spread his arms out, empty-handed, and tipped his head back, and the light on the horizon grew unbearably bright, whiter than white, more silver than silver; and a face began to move upon the water.
I really like this, honestly. Which I can't/don't say often! The temptation to overwrite this was strong, to show this encounter, to describe the Vala: but I think it's often stronger not to show something numinous, to pull away, to let the mind fill it in.
Again, this is Gil-galad as I imagine him: still somewhat distanced from the Valar by the Dagorlad and the things that happened there (and I think perhaps doubly unhappy in that he lived through the end of an Age once before, and that time, at least, the Valar came: they did not come in the Second, nor send so much as a messenger, and such obscenities as the fall of Ost-in-Edhil and the drowning of Numenor had been allowed to happen, and Men and Elves were left alone to come together and break Sauron's grip). Doubting, but not angry; doubting, but still curious. Open to listening.
a face began to move upon the water is of course a deliberate sideways reference to
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
-
It took a very long time. Fingon could not watch; his eyes dazzled.
Can you tell I was teaching The Duchess of Malfi at this time? Cover her face; mine eyes dazzle; she died young. That sense of a light too bright and white to look upon; that sense of guilt; that faint reference to life lost untimely. This wasn't meant to be a direct intertextual reference, but that net of meaning was there, lightly. Again, I wanted to under-write rather than over-write. I know I have a tendency to over-write.
And of course - there's a sense here that Fingon is refusing the kind of close enoucnter with Ulmo he could/might have. There's water in his eyes. From the wind?
-
“Thank you,” Gil-galad said when he rejoined him at last. His eyes were glowing, and he whistled Ceredir to him from where he was tearing ropey roots of sea-grass from the dunes with great relish. “Thank you for bringing me here;” and he didn’t say it the way he’d thanked Fingon for the horse, or the armour, or the sword, or even the lance.
Because this is a real gift, something that means something to both of them, something more honest/painful. Fingon's been trying to connect through gifts but not serious conversation or sharing, like some estranged parents do, throwing money at the problem rather than giving of their time or their selves, and however well-meant, it hasn't worked.
“I didn’t truly do anything."
“You brought me to the Sea. I know – I could see – how difficult it was for you."
"Well,” Fingon said lamely. He cleared his throat. “What did Lord Ulmo say about – oh, I can’t call her your dam! – the Maia who bore you? Did she – was she there?”
The dam pun is Finrod's. Don't blame me.
A little of the light dimmed, but it didn’t quite fade away. “No, she’s gone. Back to the Timeless Halls, he says; but one with him again, Ulmo, at the same time.” Gil-galad made a noise. “I don’t pretend to understand any of it, all the metaphysical nonsense of the Ainur! But he was kind to me, and he told me something of her – that she delighted in the making of me.” The corner of his mouth turned up. “I left the flowers we gathered earlier in the waves for her and the sea didn’t dash them back onto the shore. I’m sure Ulmo broke a few laws of Arda there.”
I like this image of the flowers suspended in the water. I had it clearly in mind from before I began to write.
"You were wanted.”
“I’m beginning to believe it,” Gil-galad said.
“You should,” Fingon said. He took a breath. Talking is how you sort things out; and a long time ago, Fingon had been known for his valour. Gil-galad deserved to know how much he had been wanted, who had called himself a political compromise given birth. The truth of that had stung.
And it was less than the truth. Fingon could still remember the first time he had opened his mind to Maedhros over the leagues between them and let him see Gil’s small face through his own eyes, holding nothing back. He had shown Maedhros the dark long lashes and the squashed baby nose, the milk-blister on the bow of Gil’s upper lip, the way his whole head turned an alarming red when he wailed; shared with Maedhros Gil’s fondness for being tossed in the air, his splashing joy in his bath.
This is is me trying to describe a baby without being too sentimental about it, because Fingon wasn't all, oh look at the toesie-woesies, or my son, my son: his eye was more detached, and you see him in scion thinking of Gil-galad as it.
I've been thinking about why Fingon in no way allowed himself to consciously dote on the baby, why that streak of denial that's so strong in his second life was there in his first light, and really: it would have been dangerous to let himself love him, to see Gil as his son and Maedhros's. He was born at a time of terrible loss, after the Flame, when they all expected they could die themselves. He was moved around Beleriand like a game-piece. Fingon was always going to lose him: he wasn't going to get to raise him, after all, until and unless Morgoth was defeated. Maedhros wasn't going to meet him, until and unless &c. It was easier not to let oneself get attached than it was to confront those hard facts and let oneself be hurt by them. Easier to think of him as a baby Finwean prince, and that only: a political pawn, not a son.
Conversely, Maedhros maintains a physical distance, but not an emotional one. Here's a bit from Maedhros's perspective:
Finrod had told him that. They had written, back and forth, in the long months as Ringwil’s belly swelled, as the child formed, as it began to move and stretch and turn frog-like inside her. They had corresponded constantly during the first months of the child’s life in Nargothrond, and during the first months of his life, Finrod had sent long scrolls detailing every change in Artanaro’s weight, his length, his hair colour, his eye colour, how much milk he’d consumed each day: screeds winging forth to Himring until the child was old enough to survive the secret trip north.
Fingon’s letters had been infuriatingly spare of useful information while the child was fostered at Barad Eithel. Beloved, ineloquent Fingon: Fingon, who had nevertheless shown him the child as no reams of paper could.
Fingon had given him forever the rounded bloom of his full cheeks, and the pursed mouth, sullen in sleep: the feathery, rather cross-looking eyebrows, and the small hands with their deep dimples and smaller fingernails, curled into the edge of Fingon’s furred mantle.
Maedhros had felt the way Fingon hovered between wonder and confusion at what they’d wrought: the way he couldn’t quite manage to think of the child as his own, this thing spun out of air and calculation and freshwater into heavy, solid life. He could have loved him so desperately, Maedhros knew that. He was halfway there, hovering in terror on the edge, afraid of falling. If the baby had stayed in Barad Eithel longer; if Fingon had watched him begin to creep around on fat little knees, to pull himself up on the furniture and to take his first steps – to hear the baby babble turn into words and speech – his heart would have opened to him like a flower, and the child would have become the centre of his universe, the sun in his sky.
Fingon had never known what to do with Idril as an infant, either, but he’d easily become an adored uncle as she grew up. If they’d had more time – if the child had been permitted to stay with Fingon even a month longer before being sent for safety to Cirdan –
Well, they’d never had enough time.
There had been few walls between them then, so he had felt Maedhros’s bright joy, the painful love, in its moment of birth: swelling and swelling like a cloud with rain, as though his heart was growing and his blood was leaking out of him at the same time, transmuting into pure tenderness and iron purpose.
I like this because I think of the Ekkaia scene as a cloudburst, full of emotion that has been swelling and swelling and now released. This is one bit of the breaking-through.
He had never needed to ask whether Maedhros considered Gil-galad a son.
“I don’t want to talk about – him,” Fingon said with difficulty, and the salt breeze stung his face, his eyes. “I know you loathe him, and rightly; and I do, too. I do hate him; or I hate what he did. I do! But you should know – you deserve to – that he wanted you, badly, although he never met you; he never wanted the shadow on him to touch you or to taint you.
And this. You can see here where I spun off into cliffs of fall, which isn't a scion story, but sprung out of this speech. It was already there in those sketchy notes, too, a lot of what Fingon's saying here: this important line about hating Maedhros, or what he did (that movement from clear certainty to trying to separate the deeds from the loved one; to urgent reptition - I do! I mean it, I really do! - which means he doesn't, can't: this is the heart of Fingon's guilt, because he wants to hate Maedhros utterly, but he can't, and he is profoundly in denial about that).
“He always wanted children; I took that from him even before the Oath did, but I gave it back to him with you. I loved you first of all for that, but he loved you for yourself. Because you existed, against all hope and possibility and fate and chance; and because you were ours.”
Gil-galad said nothing. There was still a wildflower tucked behind his ear, but the brilliance had quite left his eyes.
“Well,” Fingon said at last. “I needed to tell you that. You should know that you were never – not only – you were wanted very much."
Beloved ineloquent Fingon, &c.
-
They were some miles from the beach when Gil-galad said, “‘Ours’?”
“Yes."
-
I was trying to let the gaps and breaks talk for me in the text. Under-writing.
The beginning was full of these little breaks, too, because they didn't yet know how to talk to each other; now at the end, that connection, and their conversations, are breaking down again. It's echoing that ride together at the beginning very strongly, but now it's not Gil-galad trying to become acquainted and Fingon giving light, unsatisfying answers. These are the real questions/answers at last, and the whole story has really been about getting to the point of Fingon and Gil-galad in Aman where they actually could have the kind of conversation Gil-galad was trying to have at the start.
-
Some miles further, Fingon said, “Did you ever meet him in Beleriand? After I died. I always wondered.”
“No,” Gil-galad said.
It didn’t seem like he was going to speak again, and Fingon had begun to assimilate that knowledge, that pain – that Maedhros had never seen him, had only ever known him through Fingon’s own eyes – when he added,
“But I saw what he did. Have you ever seen a whole city ruined, and known the ruiners to be Elves? It wasn’t even a city, poor Sirion! It was a refuge, a place for the desperate, as far to the West as they could get, as close to the safety of the Sea. They had so very little. No great stone palaces, no towers, no spires. Little enough fresh food. They were able to grow so little, and they lived on fish, and sea-weed, and what brave hunting parties would bring back; and hope. They lived on hope, and they thought Elwing wore it around her throat, but the Valar didn’t come for them: Maedhros Fëanorion and his brothers did instead, and they burned and killed and ravaged. I’d say they salted the earth, but it was salt already. To fall on any innocent Elven city would be a horror: on poor Sirion it was the greatest cruelty I ever saw, and entirely pointless."
They said nothing more.
I like this, too, actually. You see a little here of why Gil-galad might be healthily sceptical of the Valar - they didn't come for them: Maedhros Feanorion and his brothers did instead - and that very post-war experience of seeing a descrated, destroyed town. Worse when you had seen it when it was whole, when you knew the dead and fled.
Sirion is, I think, the worst thing the Feanorions did. I find it worse than even Doriath or Alqualonde (though they're all awful!). These were desperate survivors, huddled together at the edge of the sea for protection. So many of their leaders had been killed or lost. Idril and Tuor had disappeared; Earendil was away; Maedhros and the others struck while only Elwing was there, and she was so young, and so alone, and so damaged already by what they'd done in Doriath. And now they’d come again. There's something about the revictimisation that gets me. It's awful.
I wanted it to be weight and counter-weight - that soft, painful, remembered moment of Maedhros seeing baby Gil-galad through Fingon's eyes, something Fingon has clearly not deliberately thought about since he was reborn, but dredges up now for Gil-galad, because he should know: and which is echoed in the beginning by Fingon's question to Finrod. But Maedhros is still the person who did the things he did, and I wanted to set that soft moment of truth against his deeds at Sirion, another truth, to point out clearly why Gil-galad would recoil so hard from this offering, this honesty Fingon wants to be able to give him.
This is the dichotomy at the heart of the story: reconciling Maedhros and how one felt for him with what he did, and how one feels about that. It is irresolvable, at least for Fingon, at least at the moment I've ended it at for now.
I don't know if this is quite what you wanted, @warrioreowynofrohan, especially because like I said, I wrote this story in a frantic fog, but I hope this in some way suffices!
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fic tag game
aaahhh @vishcount thank you for tagging me!!! These are so fun and I adored reading about your fic journey~! ೖ(⑅σ̑ᴗσ̑)ೖ ❤
OH as a note!! For the ppl I tag at the end I don’t expect you to read all of this bc it’s A Lot!!! but I figured you might want to do this game yourself? haha :)
Name: cross-d-a
shortened version of my first ever username. unfortunately stuck with it now haha but i’m fond of it :p wish it was cuter tho!!
Posting the rest of this under the cut so it doesn’t eat up people’s dashes!!
(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Fandoms:
oKAY YIKES there are....honestly too many too name. I’ve got a short and obsessive attention span so it’s either all or nothing with me usually. When I can stay in a fandom for a long period of time it’s a miracle. I’ll name the bigger ones that I’ve all written fic for! Even if I’ve never posted them haha
Right now I’m very firmly into Daomu Biji (dmbj). It feels like it’s both got a crap ton of content and yet barely anything at all haha. Maybe because the English fandom is so small. But at least there are a bunch of dramas and books!!! I really, really, really adore dmbj so much!! And a large part of that is the fandom!!! It's been a really cool and unique experience! Everyone in it is truly so kind and wonderful, and I’ve made some really incredible friends because of it (looking at you vish!! ❤). I’ve got a bunch of wips, but I’ve only posted two fics for dmbj!
Before this I was very into Guardian and mdzs. MDZS was my first foray into cdramas and Guardian’s Zhu Yilong really suckered me into watching more haha I also have fics for both these fandoms!
My very first fandoms were Fullmetal Alchemist, D. Gray-Man and Naruto. My very old ffnet account has fics for these and I’ve got a bunch of newer wips on my tablet. Then Star Trek, Twilight, BBC Merlin, Sherlock, Death Note, Harry Potter, How to Train Your Dragon, Battlestar Galactica, Avatar the Last Airbender and Marvel were a few of my main ones in high school. Plus a bunch of anime (like Fruits Basket! and Kuroshitsuji and Natsume Yuujinchou).
Then college hit and I renewed my childhood love of Tolkien (mainly lotr and the Hobbit), and Star Wars. I also found Teen Wolf! Then after college it was Stranger Things.
I find myself in a cycle of mild fondness and complete obsession with these fandoms haha I go back to Star Wars at least once a year!! Then I’m in the gffa hole for a few months. Marvel also reoccurs, depending on how interested I am in new content! Star Trek I always always always go back to. TOS is my comfort show and it will never fade from my heart ❤
But for now I’m stuck in cdrama hell and I love it
Tropes:
Time travel, found family, whump+hurt/comfort, fairytale-like elements, resurrective immortality (thanks to a “Nine Lives” Hobbit fic), CROSSOVERS
I’m a slut for all these things so they often worm their way into my plots haha
I also just- love weird premises. I think that’s the anime influencing me haha
Fic I spent most time on:
My series he leaves sand and stardust in my wake (main fic is hurricane on the edge of oblivion), I have...spent five years on now. I have done so much research for this fic it’s insane.
The premise is force ghost!Obi-Wan getting shunted back into his tiny 10 year old self. I incorporate a shit ton of legends and I try to stay as canon as possible. I basically want this au to feel like it’s 1000% plausible while still getting all my gay shit. It’s chock full of whump, redemption, found family, minor characters turning into major characters, and I’ve got slavery uprising on the mind, too. It’s just- everything I could ever want to explore in the Star Wars universe basically.
It’s my first big project. I started doodling and scribbling ideas in the margins of my notebook in my Scottish History class. I adore it so so so much. But, because of my hyperfixation and fleeting intense obsession with things it makes it- really difficult to consistently update. I leave it for months at a time and I am constantly guilt-ridden about it. Because it’s my baby and I have a lot of wonderful readers. I fear I’ll never be able to finish it. Especially since I’ve written so much and I’m still only in the beginning of it. ( ; A ; )
Also, I’ve spent so much time with Xanatos, Feemor and Bruck that they just feel like mine now. I can’t read any fics that involve them, it’s too strange. Which is a damn shame because I love them so much haha OH ALSO!! I think it’s the first really big fic to include those three?? So I’m very proud about that haha (I’ve had so many ppl comment about how they actually Give A Shit about these three and are Invested bc of me haha)
Favorite fic(s) you’ve written:
hurricane on the edge of oblivion (with nowhere to go) (Star Wars)
My long-term passion project. My love-letter to Star Wars, I suppose. Reading it now I feel like a lot of it is clunky or long-winded, but I think it really shows the foundation of my writing today :) Main characters are Obi-Wan, Xanatos Du Crion, Qui-Gon Jinn, Bruck Chun and Feemor. Eventually we’ll get to Maul, Savage, Feral, Shmi Skywalker, (more!) Ahsoka, Anakin and a shit ton of clones ❤
things we hunger for (Guardian)
My Ye Zun self-indulgent fic. It’s a time travel amnesia Weilanzun! Honestly has some of my fav writing I’ve ever done. It’s so soft and really indulges in the hurt/comfort. It gives Ye Zun the friends and family I think he deserves. Also, he gets to grow into a (mostly!) functional person and I adore him.
the beast that slumbers within your soul (mdzs)
Jiang Cheng centric fic!! I feel like all my favourite fics I’ve written are love letters haha. This is one def my love letter to Jiang Cheng. This fic possessed me for two whole days. I wrote 16k in almost one sitting. I went to sleep at 6 in the morning bc I couldn’t stop writing. And when I drifted off I kept thinking of new ideas so I’d whip out my phone and write down lines and notes. I- have never ever ever felt that way about anything. It was- insane. It felt insane. It was so amazing. I’m still riding the memory of that high.
Basically Jiang Cheng actually finds Baoshan Sanren and it turns out she’s a fox demon and Jiang Cheng is descended from wolves. It’s- okay I said the fic above this had my favourite writing?? That was a lie. This has my favourite writing I’ve ever done. It’s unfinished bc I am in dmbj hell but I am still excited about the next chapter which features Wei Wuxian’s pov!!
the whispers of spirits (dmbj)
My current passion project. In a way it kinda feels similar to hurricane? Bc multiple povs, incorporating different aspects of canon (we’ll get there!! I promise!), shit ton of research, etc. etc. I really really really love it for so many reasons. I’m basically taking all the things I was unsatisfied with in Reboot and Sha Hai and running with it. Found family and whump galore! It’s also a love letter to the women of dmbj who really deserve so so so much better.
Honourable mention to:
One Day (you’ll have given more of yourself than is meant to be taken) (Marvel)
This fic also kinda possessed me. I just- couldn’t get rid of the idea of a trans!Thor. And I mean a mtf Thor! It’s just? So many people look at Thor and go “that’s a Real Man.” Full stop. They never think there could be anything more, and it really really really bothered me. So I wrote out my feelings. I’m not trans. I don’t have that experience at all. I’ve had issues and confusion about my gender but nothing like this. I just wanted to do justice to this idea of Thor in my head. And I still feel a bit nervous having posted it. But I've gotten so many comments from people who really connected with what I’ve written? So I’m very very thankful I wrote it and it has a very special place in my heart. It’s a very cathartic fic.
Fic I spent least time on:
Probably we rise (Star Wars) and I think it shows haha. I wrote it in response to Dave Filoni posting a drawing of Ahsoka and Gandalf telling her “People thought I was dead, too, and look how that turned out...” So I incorporated Ahsoka (and Din and Grogu and Ezra!!!) into the ending of Rise of Skywalker, kinda explaining how I think they could all still be alive. :)
Longest fic:
hurricane is my longest fic (159k) but I’m kinda worried whispers will eclipse that.....
Shortest fic:
Of my posted ones it’s The Five Moments it Took Tony and Scott to Admit They Were Best Friends (and the first time they ever did), currently clocks at 1.6k. It’s unfinished tho so maybe that doesn’t count.... otherwise it’s we rise which is completed and 2k.
Most hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks:
hurricane overall has the most of all these. Though I don’t think hits counts as much bc it’s multi-chapter. If you discount multi-chapter stuff, most hits goes to my obikin smutfic Homecoming, bc people are horny af haha
Fic you want to rewrite/expand on:
If I had energy I’d like to rewrite the beginning of hurricane bc it feels so so wordy. I’d want to expand on One Day bc I really would like to write a whole series with trans!Thor. And like- I’d really like the focus to finish any of my WIPs.
Share a bit of a WIP:
I really wanna share my Guardian/dmbj crossover that I started back in August. Bc I adore the idea of wu xie&shen wei&ye zun triplets! Plus time travel!!! I dunno if I’ll ever finish it tho ( ; A ; ) It just feels like a lot to deal with right now.
This scene takes place during the Mountain Awl arc. Guardian crew and desperado fam run across each other at the village! Wu Xie has recently found out that he’s adopted and he’s searching for answers in the area Sanshu originally found amnesiac!toddler!Wu Xie in :) Gonna pull two snippets bc I’m v excited and this might be the only time anyone else sees this fic haha:
“Oh?” Pangzi focuses on Yunlan now, lips twisting. “You think I’ve ‘got the wrong guy,’ huh?” He laughs, but it’s not a nice sound. “That’s rich! Are you that cocky or are you just stupid?”
Bristling, Yunlan drops his hands and scowls. “Excuse me?”
“Sir,” Shen Wei tries. “I think—”
Pangzi’s eyes snap back to Shen Wei, sharp and blazing. “How dare you fucking steal his face!”
What?
Automatically, Zhao Yunlan turns to Shen Wei, but the professor looks just as shell-shocked as Zhao Yunlan feels which- is seriously something. Since everything about Shen Wei is so carefully controlled, kept to the minimum. Except for those delightful little smiles that bloom across his lovely face, or the startled little bursts of laughter that fall from his lips. Or even when anger and frustration spark across his features, cracking his calm veneer open enough that he can see a glimmer of what lies beneath, the fire in those eyes. Zhao Yunlan delights in those moments, makes a game of making Shen Wei’s control slip.
He tells himself it’s nothing more than a game. Nothing more than trying to find out what makes Shen Wei tick.
Zhao Yunlan’s always been very bad at lying to himself. Or very good. Depending on who you’re asking.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Yunlan splutters.
But before anyone can say anything else, a very familiar voice calls:
“Pangzi? What’s wrong?”
Yunlan can feel Shen Wei stiffen, and Yunlan himself is pulled to that voice like a planet in orbit, like the inevitable plummet to the ground.
Another shadow wavers in the doorway before it steps out onto the dirt. Light illuminates shaggy hair, limning it gold, sharply casting everything else in shadow. But as the figure nears, the contrast softens until Yunlan can see the newcomer’s face properly and- and—
“Wu Xie!” Pangzi growls. “We’ve got ourselves an impostor!”
The man wearing Shen Wei’s face steps up to them, brows furrowed and mouth pulled down into a sharp frown. He glances between them, eyes landing on Shen Wei. His scowl deepens. He opens his mouth, but then—
“Wu Xie?” Shen Wei breathes, all trembly and lost and hopeless.
Heart in his throat, Yunlan turns to Shen Wei again. Turns and flinches at that stricken look upon Shen Wei’s pale pinched face.
“A-Xie?” Shen Wei chokes. “Didi?”
and
Pangzi snorts. “Professor?”
“I-it’s true!”
Startled Yunlan swings his attention over to Jiajia who clenches her backpack to her chest, face screwed up in admirable determination. “P-professor Shen took me and Xiao Quan on a field trip to investigate an archeological site around here!”
“Oh?” Wu Xie drawls all slow and amused. “Well, what a coincidence. We’re archeologists, too.”
“With guns?” Yunlan bites out.
Wu Xie raises a brow, grin full of teeth. “Well, you can never be too prepared.”
“Right,” Yunlan drawls right back. “Are you a professor, too, then? You come here with your students?”
Wu Xie outright grins. “You could say that, I suppose.”
Out of the corner of his eye, one of the men rolls his eyes. He’s the one with sharp features, glasses and looped earbuds. Does he think it’s appropriate to listen to music at a time like this? Yunlan admires the man’s gall.
aahhhh vish thanks so much again for tagging me!! This was so fun to relive my fic memories!! I’m gonna tag @alwaysaslutforshakespeare @jockvillagersonly @tehfanglyfish @lichelleme @undyingsunshine @humanlighthouse @thewindsofsong I’m curious about your guys’ writing and fandom journey!! As always, no pressure to actually complete this!! I just thought it was fun ❤
Wow if you read all of this I am very humbled and impressed, thank you!!
╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
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WIP Book Introduction
Figured it was time for one of these after ranting about my book for months and months. I don’t have a plan for publishing yet and I’m writing in English despite it being my second language. Let me know if you think it sounds interesting!
Title: The Portal Keeper (working title)
Genre: Contemporary Fantasy / Magical Realism / Adult Fantasy
Status: Writing the ending chapters of first draft / Editing
Themes: Us against the world(s) / Soulmates / Healing and personal growth / Magical adventure / Corrupt government / Cultists uproar / LGBTQ relationship
Vibes to expect: Bookshops, overgrown gardens, magical archives, campus life, calm mornings with hot coffee, huddling together against the snow, nose deep in magical text, mystery solving together.
Similar works: Carry On / The Hobbit (Tolkien be waiting for me in the afterlife for this comparison xD)
Summary: When Will a first-year nursing student moves in with his uncle to help him run his bookshop doesn’t it take him long to realize his aunt was much more than a human rights lawyer. She was also a portal keeper protecting the passage between our world and the magical mirror realm.
Now she is dead and the portal is left open and unprotected. Only just starting to uncover the clues left behind by his aunt for how to approach the situation is Will soon confronted with the first visitor from the other side; the mesmerizing Sage, a magical mender who more than anything seems eager to pull apart the garden for its many herbs and flowers.
Main Characters:
- Willow / Will Strand (22): Will is a gentle soul and a thinker more than a doer. He cares deeply for those around him and is always pushing to learn more so that he can help those he cares about. He got a dry sense of humor and a bit of an anxious streak. He grew up in the Norwegian countryside often helping neighboring farmers and his mother who is a veterinarian care for animals. Moving to the city to study to become a nurse his goals were to help his uncle cope with the loss of his aunt, restore his house and keep the bookshop running. Soon he also has to add protector of the realm to his list of responsibilities and that occasionally becomes a bit too much for this anxious soul.
- Sage Duskfall (25): Sage, a magical mender student from The Port of Veritas is a carefree, curious fellow who to some might come across as a bit aloof. He is very knowledgeable in his field and passionate about magic, healing, and learning, but other things slip past him quite easily. Although he tries to seem calm and unbothered, is he actually the kind of guy who is quick to erupt into strong emotions when provoked and doesn’t manage them well once he’s reached a certain point.
(L: Sage R: Will art by @.noctos on twitter <3)
Prologue:
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memememe
Tagged by @swaps55
Tagging . . . . people. @tonysstark @existenceisthis @stumblingoverchaos and anyone else who wants to do it!
Nicknames: my parents call me bird, my favorite coworkers ever called me animal, my current coworkers sometimes call me mama bear but not EVERY time, and I guess you could call Merrin a nickname
Zodiac: Leeeeeeeo baby
Height: 5′10″
Hogwarts house: I have sorted into both the noble house of Slytherin and Ravenclaw. Given the option I generally choose Ravenclaw, but normally refer to myself as a Slytherclaw.
Last thing I googled: I got up out of bed to fill this out right now because I shit you not the last thing I googled was “can a chimpanzee and a human reproduce” only to find out THAT THERE WERE FUCKING EXPERIMENTS CONDUCTED BY THE RUSSIONS IN THE 1920S TO FIND THE ANSWER TO THIS VERY QUESTION. (So far the answer seems to be no.)
Song stuck in my head: I don’t have one right now, but the last one was Into the Unknown thanks to my niece.
Amount of sleep: Anywhere from 4 to 6. Maybe one night a week I’ll get 7 or 8, but that’s really rare.
Lucky numbers: 2
Dream job: I don’t have one, I’m not wired that way. I’ve honestly never given a shit who gives me money, as long as my bills are covered. I don’t have some work thing I’m super passionate about. I hate questions about work. The quickest way to make me despise a thing is to start paying me to do it. I’m not saying I hate my job or anything, but I’m there to get paid, not to fulfill some lifelong passion. Questions like this are a symptom of a capitalist society and I am not here for it.
Wearing: A sleeveless cotton dress with Indian style elephants on it.
Favorite instrument: I love listening to bagpipes (could I BE more of a cliche? no.) but I love playing handbells.
Aesthetic: I honestly don’t know. I feel like in person friends could answer this question better than I can. The best way I can describe myself is by saying I love clutter.
Favorite song: It changes as I hear new music, but right now it’s Saturn by Sleeping at Last and has been for a few years.
youtube
Favorite author: Sharon Shinn, Tolkien, NK Jemisin
Favorite animal: elephant (if I’m allowed to go fantasy though it’s 100% unicorns.)
Favorite animal sound: elephant trumpets, cats purring
Random: I only started playing D&D when I moved to Austin 7 years ago, actually it was a little after, about 6 years ago. And I made a decision shortly into the campaign that not only changed the entire campaign but also set up the next campaign. (Cutting because this got hella long.)
See, my group was stuck in a dungeon in the middle of a Forgotten Realms desert. My DM has his own little world that he’s set up with different zones and different rules. He specifically wanted a Forgotten Realms desert so it would have wild magic surges, our wizard was almost useless. Our rogue had moved to Michigan a few months prior and I had taken a level of rogue just to be useful in checking for traps. The rest of my levels were all in ranger. (Also, for reference, this was 4.5 edition.)
There was a vampire in this dungeon, because of course. He couldn’t escape because of the desert and the lack of cover from the sun, so he’d been stuck there for hundreds of years. He took control of our wizard at once point and we almost had a TPK when he made her cast fireball and a wild magic surge made it like 10 times more powerful than it should have been.
After this encounter (we all survived, somehow), I walked very confidently down the hallway after rolling a 1 to check for traps. Friends, there was a trap. It was your traditional pit with spikes at the bottom. One of my traveling companions, maybe the cleric, cast feather fall on me so I didn’t get impaled. And then we got into the period where the dice gods made up for the one by giving me the four best rolls of my goddamn life.
1. A teeming horde of rats was approaching through these tunnels that opened in the sides of the pit. I couldn’t get back out of the pit quickly before the rats would be on me. I asked my DM if I could somersault into one of the tunnels to at least have a defensible position, and rolls a nat 20 on acrobatics to do so. I slid seamlessly into a tunnel about halfway up the pit.
2. As a ranger, I had a lightning longbow and lightning arrows. (This DM has always been REALLY generous with the loot, we were still relatively low level at this point.) As the rats approached, I rolled really well (broke 20 but not nat, I think it was a 19?) on plugging up the hole at my feet with a rat corpse that I made swell by stabbing it with a lightning arrow.
3. To plug up the hole at my head, I pulled out the dagger I’d looted off a corpse earlier in the dungeon, waited for a rat to come slithering by the mouth of my little tunnel, and rolled another nat 20 to stab through it and pull it back toward me to plug the hole at my head.
So now I’m lying here in this tunnel, not a ton of room around me, with dead rat corpses on either end and live rats chewing on the corpses to get at me. And that’s when the vampire appears.
I honestly can’t remember why he appeared, or how our conversation started. What I do remember is that I told him the virtues of letting us traverse the rest of the dungeon unmolested by him, and that if he would just hide himself in my bag of holding (as he was not alive, I confirmed with my DM, the 10 minute rule of staying alive in a bag of holding would not apply to him) I would deliver him to a shady wooded area where he wouldn’t immediately be burned to a crisp upon exiting my bag.
4. My DM asked me to roll a charisma check. Now, I’m sure you know that as a ranger, charisma isn’t ever gonna be one of your highest stats. When you spend a lot of time in the woods and shooting at things from a long distance, it doesn’t really matter if you can make friends or scare people while you do it. I think my charisma modifier was 0 at the time. So I rolled. And friends. It was my third nat 20 of the night. Not only did that vampire happily mist his way into my bag of holding, I didn’t have to give up anything to get him to do it. My friends rescued me from the rats and we made our way out of the dungeon.
Now, what happened with the vampire is an entirely different story, which I will tell if someone wants to know but not tonight because this is already long enough.
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Odes to Old Gods
I started this year intending to journal about things I survive. Then at the end of the year, I could look back on my challenges and think about them in a more positive way--wow, look at what I overcame! The plan was to document everything, both good and bad, so that I could think about them more as experiences and lessons learned than as... good and bad.
Needless to say, I stopped keeping track of those things in April.
Earlier this month, I pulled out the journal again to update the list. I ended up quitting on that too.
I do think, though, that in a less chaotic year, thinking about my life this way would be good practice. So, here I am, sharing my list with you in the form of an end-of-year, wrap-up blog post.
A few quick caveats:
This year was hard for literally everyone except maybe Jeff Bezos.
It is not healthy to compare challenges or struggles or suffering.
I am not sharing this because I am looking for sympathy... I believe that being vulnerable is a very important part of the human experience but we can all also use a reminder that we never really know all of what anyone is experiencing. We shouldn’t need that reminder to treat others with love... but the older I get, the more I think those reminders might be necessary.
Things I have survived in 2020:
- A bit of a stalking experience in January which has since been resolved.
- Losing my job, hunting for a new job, securing a new job, training for the new job.
- My first Harry Potter tattoo for my ten-year tattooiversary.
- The fires in Australia.
- An absolutely wonderful trip to NYC with my dad when I got to see both Beetlejuice and Hadestown and have an enormous strawberry cheesecake milkshake from Junior’s.
- Losing Kobe Bryant.
- Parasite absolutely CRUSHING the Oscars.
- Having a really, really good visit with my grandparents in March before all hell broke loose.
- Weinstein being convicted and sentenced.
[Everything after this point happened during a global pandemic.]
- Losing Grandmom. I was unable to attend her funeral and still have not had the chance to grieve this loss with my extended family.
- Losing my health insurance.
- A Zoom party for my Grammy’s 80th birthday.
- Losing Breonna Taylor. And George Floyd. And so, so many others. This is the first year I have really committed to understanding the current race-related issues this country faces and BOY, do we have work to do.
- The stress but success of orchestrating a safe family trip so that I didn’t have to go an entire year without seeing my brother.
- Losing my shifts at my primary job due to virus-related concerns.
- Countless other family happy birthdays over Zoom.
- My 60-year-old mother returning to work face-to-face with a student population that largely ignores all virus-related guidelines despite her working tirelessly for months this spring to offer UHS providers an adequate work-from-home option.
- Being diagnosed with hypertension.
- A nightmarish friend trip. Despite our best laid plans for a safe and healthy visit, Mother Earth decided to trap me 90 miles north of my best friends for 4 days. I eventually got to see them for about 12 hours and honestly, it was worth it. That is the only time I’ve gotten with them all year.
- Losing Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
- The selection of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court.
- Our sweet girl Clio being diagnosed with a seizure disorder and then coming down with a life-threatening upper respiratory infection.
- Learning that my grandmother would be voting for Trump in the 2020 election.
- The actual election.
- Losing Rooster, my sweet, sweet boy.
- Learning that my uncle has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.
- Missing Thanksgiving with my extended family.
- Getting really excellent holiday gifts for my favorite people.
- Missing Christmas with my extended family.
- Safely spending some holiday time with my immediate family.
That is FAR from everything. But I don’t have the energy? Capacity? Time? to sort through everything.
Here are the things from this year that I am still currently surviving:
- A global pandemic! And all the associated chaos. With my asthma and high blood pressure and obesity, I am considered high risk and am still not able to safely return to my primary job.
- Hypertension! More on this later.
- Grieving Rooster. In the days after we said goodbye, I wrote a memorial that I will eventually share here. Psychology has recently analyzed data suggesting that losing a pet can be equivalent to losing a relative... I have never felt grief like this. It’s been over a month. I cry every night.
- Managing Clio’s health. She is still adjusting to her seizure medication, which she gets twice a day, and is still on medication to help with lasting symptoms of the respiratory infection. She is fussy about food and her weight fluctuates a lot week to week. She is also a feral rescue who has only ever been handled by me, my mom, and our vet. If mom and I are ever going to vacation together again, we will need to find someone who can manage catching and pilling her twice a day... no easy feat. Fortunately, at the moment, vacations aren’t really a thing for either my mom or I and I am working hard to approach these concerns in a cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it way.
----
This year has been overwhelming. The last two months alone have been overwhelming. And they would’ve been overwhelming without the added spice of a global pandemic. The number of Americans we have lost to this virus has doubled since I last posted here in mid-August. Some time this week we are likely to reach a point where we’re losing 4,000 Americans per day. PER. DAY. This year has been overwhelming.
----
There were some good things this year, of course. I am so, so thankful for all the time I got with my immediate family and the very brief but vital time I got with my friends. Fortunately I am only ever a text away from my closest friends and we are able to message pretty much every day. I am also extremely glad to have found a place in the fantasy enamel pin community. The family I’ve found in pin-land has carried me through some of my lowest points this year. I spent more time in view of the ocean than I typically do in a given year... even though much of that time was still riddled with anxiety. I did art this year. I read books this year. Some really important ones, in fact. If you read nothing else in 2021, read The New Jim Crow. I also got tattooed! I’m going to include those here because I think the significance of each reflects something interesting and important about all I have survived and am surviving this year.
----
In January, I got my first Harry Potter tattoo! My favorite quote from the entire series is delivered by Hagrid during the Triwizard tournament:
”What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.”
I got that incorporated into a tattoo. In January.
Also in January I got a “Prisoner of Donuts” tattoo... because life just wouldn’t be manageable at all without donuts.
In March, I got a bird of prey carrying a book to represent one of my all time favorite poems, “On Thought in Harness” by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The final lines of that poem:
“Soar, eat ether, see what has never been seen. Depart, be lost, but climb.”
In July, I was able to safely navigate getting a tattoo that symbolizes the saga told in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. LOTR is my first and oldest fandom and the story is still so, so important to me today. The lessons I learned from Tolkien when I was a kid also carried me through some of my hardest moments this year.
Also in July I got a Plumpy tattoo. That’s right. Plumpy. From Candyland. If you haven’t played the game in a while, you may not remember Plumpy. He’s one of the first characters you meet on the game board... and one of the worst cards to see when you’re close to winning the game. You could be three damn squares from the finish line and pull the Plumpy card and back to the beginning of the board you go. Plumpy is a really great reminder that even when we have no choice but to lose ground, we can gain that ground back again. And hey, once you pull the Plumpy card from the deck, you likely won’t see him again for a good long while.
In October, I was able to safely navigate getting my second Harry Potter tattoo. Neville has always been one of my favorite fantasy characters and I chose to carry him with me permanently. His courage, despite so, so much bullshit, inspires me every day. I also got a nautical tattoo for my mom’s ancestors who came to this country and fought in the Revolutionary War. Just as my family has a long and proud history of fighting for what matters, I too will carry that banner, even if it looks very, very different in the modern age. My third tattoo of the appointment is a cuckoo holding playing cards, a nod to one of most important stories I’ve read: Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” This book has informed not just my personal journey with mental illness but my passion to work in the field as well. My final tattoo of my October appointment, less than a week before the 2020 election, is a weeping Lady Justice.
----
This year has made me look critically at things I very comfortably ignored for a long time. I would hope that it has done the same for most of you. Very little if any of this year was easy for me... but the most important lessons are never easy to learn. I’ve spent this year more worried and more angry than I’ve ever been before... and all I hope to do moving forward is use that fear and that anger to make this country, this world, a better place. Miss me with your resolutions this year. Every single day we should prioritize surviving and treating others with understanding and active love. I worked hard to do that this year and I will continue to work hard to do that every day. I’m proud of the work I’ve done. And in case it wasn’t clear, I’ll be dragging as many of you as I can on this journey with me. If you really feel the need to make a resolution this year, resolve to learn. Resolve to understand. Resolve to read The New Jim Crow and then TAKE ACTION. Take action with your votes and your voices and your money. Resolve to act.
----
This year wouldn’t let me escape it without being put on blood pressure medication, despite my best efforts to lower my blood pressure without it. Although I had gotten back down into a healthy range for a few weeks, RBG’s death and the landslide of utter shit that followed that completely wrecked all the progress I had made. I’m not happy about adding a new medicine to my regimen. I’m not happy about adding a new chronic diagnosis to my already lengthy laundry list. I did not expect 30 to look like allergy pills and three daily moisturizers and foot stretches and Metamucil and acid reducers and migraine medication and iron supplements and six prunes a day and chronic pain and blood pressure medication... but here we are. I’m exhausted from working so hard to be healthy just to have all that work not be enough. I feel very much like my body is giving up on me... and that is a feeling I am struggling with a lot right now. My soul is a vibrant but powerless passenger in a car speeding towards the edge of a cliff.
I’ll keep trying though. I start my new medication tonight. Hopefully it helps. Hopefully the side effects are manageable. I don’t really feel like I can handle much more... but I guess we keep going until we can’t.
----
I have no expectations for 2021 to be better. I don’t have much hope for it to be better either. This vaccine will saves lives and that’s really good news. But a lot of other things will be difficult, will stay difficult, will become difficult. I’m going to try to keep fighting, and I hope you do too.
“What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.”
#Happy New Year#end of the year wrap up#summary#year summary#mental health#high blood pressure#Hypertension#loss#grief#challenges#success#keep fighting#quotes#Hagrid#Harry Potter#poem#one flew over the cuckoo's nest#edna st. vincent millay#on thought in harness#ken kesey#plumpy#candyland#Neville Longbottom#tattoos#family#friends
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4, 8, 11 for the writing asks?
Thank you so much for the ask!! These are such good questions, even though the second one was challenging to answer--my first thought was “My favorite dialogue? Do I write dialogue? Why can’t I think of any dialogue?”
also sorry this is so long
4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?
TOO MANY!!! I have so many WIPs and ideas jotted down. Sequels to current fics, epilogues to other fics. New ideas. I have about 10-12 pending ideas on my list, in various stages of completion. I will share that I have a Harry Potter slightly crack one in the works and a Regency AU pending.
For example, here’s a snippet of the running list on my phone:
8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
I’m going to post a few, if that’s ok, for different reasons.
First one is from my fic Can’t Find My Way Home. It was a tender moment of revealing a long standing love of Simon from Baz and it was supposed to be awkward and romantic and vulnerable and I was proud of how it came together with their back and forth.
Chapter 7-CFMWH, Simon POV:
“Alright, I know I was a complete wanker at school.”
I snort. “No argument there.”
Baz darts a sidelong look at me. “Yes, well.” He takes a deep breath and then exhales a rush of air without speaking. He frowns and glances at me again. “This is going to sound ridiculous.”
“Don’t care. Come on. Spill. For someone who’s in such a rush to get to the airport, you’re taking far too long giving a simple explanation now.” It’s exhilarating to see him so uncertain. I’m usually the one tripping over my words. I tug on his hand, reminding him that I’m holding it.
He pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand, closes his eyes and takes another breath. “Fine. Yes, I was a wanker, I’ll admit that.” His eyes stay closed. “I’m a bit of a prick in general, even Dev and Niall won’t argue that point, but I was quite a prick to you, Simon.” His chews on his bottom lip and I’m dazed at this side of Baz I’ve never seen before.
This reluctant, hesitant side of him.
It doesn’t last long.
“Oh, fuck it all.” His eyebrows come together and he turns to look at me, lips in a thin line and forehead creased. Alright. This is more like the Baz I know. It still makes me want to smile though. “There’s no good way to say this so I’ll just come out with it.”
His fingers squeeze mine painfully hard. “I’ve liked you for so long, Simon. Maybe even from the first day we met.” He shakes his head at what must be my no-doubt incredulous expression. “Let me just finish. I can’t believe I’m actually confessing to this. You asked for an explanation and I’m doing my best to give you one, painfully mortifying as it may be.”
His frown shifts to something softer, but more troubled and uncertain. “Simon, you were all I could think about. By fifth year, you were in my thoughts day and night, even when I was home for the holidays. I never wanted you to know. I’d no hope you’d like me that way.” His brow furrows again. “You were Simon Snow, the boy everyone liked, the gorgeous, straight boy all the girls swooned over. The Headmaster’s chosen one.” His eyes flick away from me. “I was the posh arsehole everyone disliked.”
I tug on his hand. “Baz, the girls swooned over you far more than they swooned over anyone else.” It was true. Even Agatha had a crush on Baz. That was one of the reasons I’d disliked him. How could I ever measure up to Baz? “Fuck, Baz. Even I thought you were fit.”
His eyebrows go straight up to his hairline and it’s my turn to blush. “What?”
I roll my eyes. “You heard me.”
Baz’s features settle into a look I know well, one eyebrow arched and he repeats my own words back to me. “I want to hear you say it again.” There’s a quirk to his lips now.
“Arsehole.”
“No argument on that.” He’s grinning now, the tosser. How did he turn things around like this? This was his confession, not mine. Bloody hell. He’s always managed to get me tripping over my own words. That’s not changed.
“I said I thought you were fit.” I mumble the words, face flaming now. “Still do, you fucking twat.”
“I’ve thought you were fit since I first figured out what that meant, Simon.” His smile becomes fond. “Still do.” Baz’s hand reaches up, fingers tracing my jawline. “I had such a hopeless crush on you, Simon Snow. I was so certain it was to be forever unrequited. I did everything I could to make you hate me, in the hopes of making myself hate you in return.” He leans closer. “I never managed to do that.” His lips crash into mine and it’s electric, the touch of him sending shivers through me, his fingertips leaving trails of heat along my face, my jaw, my neck.
I’m breathless by the time he pulls back.
“I suppose it’s never too late to apologize?” he asks.
“I’m due eight years of apologies, Baz.” My heart is pounding in my chest. “If that’s how you intend to apologize then I mean to make sure you account for every single day.”
This one is from my COMB fic Bad Case of Loving You, a medical Carry On AU. I’m proud of it because it’s funny and full of word play and it made me laugh out loud while I was typing it. This is a Baz POV.
“What the fuck are you doing in here, Snow?”
“You called me Simon before.” He’s obviously still half asleep, the numpty.
“I most certainly did not. What the bloody hell are you doing in my call room and what the fuck did you do with my bed? Why on earth does it look like some boy scout barracks in here?”
Simon rubs his hand over his face and then scrabbles at his hair. “Mage. Didn’t you get the email?”
“What email?”
Snow yawns before answering. I can’t take my eyes off the line of his neck as he does. “The one about the A&E call rooms.”
“Why would I read an email about the fucking A&E call rooms?”
He squints at me. “Because it came from the chief administrator?”
I snort. “Spare me, Snow. Mage’s emails are bombastic diatribes or buzzword gibberish. I’ll pass.”
“Well, if you’d read it you’d know he combined the A&E call rooms with the surgical ones. For efficiency. He’s using our old call room for some administrative office now.”
“Fuck his efficiencies. You’re in my fucking call room, Snow.”
He sits up now, eyes narrowed as he glares at me, chin jutting out. Fuck, I know this expression.
“It’s our fucking call room now, Baz.”
“I think the hell not.”
Snow shrugs and sinks back down on the bed. “Check your emails next time. Now kindly fuck off and let me go back to sleep. I’ve only got a few hours before I have to relieve Gareth.”
“You fuck off, Snow. Get out of my bed. You’re the intruder here. If anyone’s going to get the bottom bunk it’s me. You want to sleep, then you take the top bunk. Now move.”
“Oh come off it, Baz. I’m already here. You take the top.”
“Snow. I’m not going to say this again. Shove off.”
“I don’t want to be on top. Christ, Baz, I’m always on the bottom. Don’t make me be on top.”
“Since when are you on the bottom? I didn’t even know there were bunks until two minutes ago.”
“It’s been weeks. I always take the bottom. Don’t like being up on top.”
“Well, you can bloody well get used to it. Fuck it, Snow, I’m knackered and I don’t want to be arguing when I could be sleeping. Move!”
“I’d think you’d prefer being on top, you can sleep anywhere. I’ve seen you sleep in a fucking chair, for Christ’s sake. I’m more comfortable on the bottom.”
“So am I!” I can’t believe I’m having an argument about bunks with this moron. I glare at him and he glares right back.
“Snow.”
“Baz.”
“Honestly, I don’t care what you prefer, top or bottom. You’re in my fucking bed, in my fucking call room, so kindly fuck right off and let me get some rest. I’m on the bottom and that’s the end of it.”
Snow’s still glaring but his face is all flushed now and he’s not meeting my eyes anymore, his gaze directed somewhere behind me.
I’m weighing the option of dragging him out of the bed versus the ignominy of letting him win and taking the top bunk myself, when my face starts to heat up, as the echo of my words repeats itself in my brain.
Oh fucking hell. I’m know I’m blushing furiously. I hadn’t realized how suggestive that whole exchange was and now I can think of nothing else.
If Snow’s face is any indication he’s in the same predicament. I just want this to be over. I can’t look at him anymore, I’m so mortified.
“Fine. Be obstinate. I’m getting some sleep.” I find the ladder and climb up to the top bunk with as much dignity as I can muster.
“You left the light on, you prat.”
“Not my problem, Snow.”
“Wanker.” I hear him shuffle to his feet, grumbling his way to the light switch. He flips the switch with more aggression than necessary then stomps his way back to the lower bunk.
I can hear him toss and turn. He huffs and shifts again. “Would you kindly shut up, Snow? Go the fuck to sleep.”
“It’s too hot.”
“Christ, I am speaking to Mage about this as soon as he’s back in the office. This call room situation is unacceptable. I cannot be expected to share a space with someone like you.”
“I could say the same.” Snow’s growling now.
“I’m not the one whinging and rustling and being an inordinately loud mouth breather.”
“Fuck off.”
11. Is writing your passion of just a fun hobby?
It’s a bit of both really. I’ve been writing since I was a kid. My first attempt at fanfic (long before I even knew what fanfic was) was a Battlestar Galactica story that I wrote when I was 12. I dabbled in creative writing for a while but then really gave it up in college. I didn’t really discover online fan fiction until I had surgery on my ankle a few years ago. My daughter had friends writing Marvel fanfic at that time and she was reading their stuff so I thought I’d check it out, to see what that was all about. And then I fell down the rabbit hole of Tolkien fanfic and it became a very steady hobby. A hobby that brought back the passion I have and always have had for writing. I’ve written quite a lot of Tolkien fic. I then started writing Yuri on Ice fic a year or so later. I started writing Carry On fanfic in Aug 2018 and it’s been truly a passion for me to return to writing after so many years away from it. Would I love to write a book someday? Yes, I truly would. Do I have ideas for something like that? Yes, I do. Do I indulge in writing fanfic as both a fun hobby and an intensely passionate desire to write–I most certainly do!
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10 Questions Tag!
Shout out to @awrenthatwrites for keeping me so well-supplied with tag games! I’ve loved having them waiting for me when I get back to my blog.
1. How did you come up with your WIP’s title?
The Calm Before actually went without a title for quite some time, including the entirety of its first iteration (which is quite different from the current version). That was pretty unusual for me because I’m one of those writers that needs things to be named, even just with stand-ins, before I can proceed with it.
And honestly... I can not claim any kind of cleverness when it comes to TCB’s title. With the prevalence of the Stormbringer in the story’s plot, the phrase “the calm before the storm” just popped very quickly into my mind. I chopped off the end of the phrase et voila! A working title. I don’t know if it’s going to stay, but I’ve loved it for what it is.
The story for Here There Be Monsters is much the same. But that one’s staying.
2. Do you title your chapters? If so, what’s your favorite?
Typically I have not, but recently I’ve felt like I wanted to. I don’t think it’s right for TCB, but it does fit nicely into HTBM.
Since HTBM is episodic in structure, I get to title each “episode” as well as its chapters. Potentially, I could even get to title “seasons” or story arcs, if the project continues long enough. This project is still really new, so it’s only got one episode title at the moment:
“A Lost Little Wisp”
3. What’s a recent line you really like?
I have to admit I actually really like the whole opening scene to HTBM. Here’s a tiny bit that I’m proud of...
This takes place during Gael’s desperate and foolish maneuver to escape her pursuers. Essentially a high speed ship chase.
It was not until the ship was tipping nose first into the maelstrom that Gael realized the man in the public house had been lying. The Maw seized the ship like a demonic spirit, threatening to rip the wheel from her hands, or simply her arms from her body. Now it was the dark thing hiding at the bottom of the sea that chanted, “Give it up, give it up.” It wasn’t just hungry; it was possessive. Everything and everyone on its surface belonged to it. There was nothing it would not take for its own in the end.
Something primeval was calling from the murk and the foam. Its voice, sonorous and terrible, slid through Gael’s very blood. It slithered along the planks beneath her feet, caressing everything in its way with oily, formless tentacles.
4. Are there any writing-related quotes you really like?
There are so many good ones! But I feel like no one is more quotable than Tolkien and Lewis. These quotes aren’t so much about the craft, but they do speak to me about the art, passion, and joy of storytelling.
“Since it is so likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage.” (CS Lewis)
“It simply isn’t an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons.” (JRR Tolkien)
5. Do you have an idea for a cover design for your story?
I don’t! I find this sort of thing so difficult, whether its book covers or faceclaims or castings.
6. What sort of AU can you imagine your story being?
Do you mean, if there could be one AU that would fit best with my characters what would it be? Or what kind of AU trope is my novel? <-- This was Talya’s question, and I have to repeat it! I’m also going to answer the same way.
If I were picking an AU to see my story written as, I think a The Greatest Showman AU would be a fun one for the Here There Be Monsters cast! That iconic scene when Philip and Anne see each other for the first time would be perfect for the primary protagonists.
And if my novel was going to be an AU trope, it’d probably be a Friends-type setup where they all live in the same building and are overly involved in each other’s lives.
7. Which OC would be the most angry with you as the writer?
Are any of them likely to be very happy with me?
8. If you had to tell the story from a different POV, which character would you choose?
This is tough because I gravitate toward 3rd person limited omniscient POV. In TCB I have four proper POV characters (Rys, Hale, Aldrich, and Neja), which I feel like adequately cover all the angles I want covered for that story. If I could add one, however, I think Vidri’s perspective would be a fun one!
In HTBM I don’t use POV characters, but rather choose whose thoughts/knowledge gets shared at any given time. If I were to pick a POV character for the story (beyond the obvious) I would probably go for the Collector. It seems right up his alley to be relating this story!
9. What would be your OC’s taste in music if they lived in our world?
Wow, this is unexpectedly difficult to answer! I’ve got nothing for the characters, but I do have a theme song chosen for HTBM! “Deep Water” by American Authors
10. What’s one personal goal you want to achieve by the end of the story?
My goal for TCB is to complete the project in a way I can feel proud of. In a way this is related to my goal for HTBM (and its very existence) because I’ve never completed a novel. I don’t know that HTBM will ever properly end or what that will look like, but my hope in starting it is that it will teach me to write without fear. One of my biggest hurtles as a writer has been that I’m so often paralyzed by perfectionism, pulled in a hundred directions because I don’t want to make a misstep. HTBM is designed for me to simply write without the fear or expectations that go with a project like TCB that I’ve become so invested in over the years. It’s an exercise in letting go.
Thanks again for the tag! I’m going to tag @pen-of-roses, @coffeescribles, @writing-for-the-stars-and-moon, @inscrutable-shadow, and @thewrittenpost if you want to!
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𝗔 𝗬𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝗙𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗵, 𝗗𝗮𝘆 𝟯: 𝗠𝗶𝗱𝗱𝗹𝗲-𝗘𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗵
"We may put a deadly green upon a man’s face and produce a horror; we may make the rare and terrible blue moon to shine; or we may cause woods to spring with silver leaves and rams to wear fleeces of gold, and put hot fire into the belly of the cold worm. But in such "fantasy," as it is called, new form is made; Faerie begins; Man becomes a sub-creator." - J.R.R. Tolkien, 𝘖𝘯 𝘍𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘺-𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴,1947
Though this series will largely deal with “real” mythology, religion, and folklore, I felt it would not be complete without a few references to significant examples of more modern myth. To say the works of J.R.R. Tolkien have had a profound impact on the perception of myths in the English speaking world (and beyond) would be an understatement. “Middle-Earth” is the name of the continent that is the main setting of his myths as showcased in works like 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘏𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘪𝘵, 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴, and 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘪𝘭𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘰𝘯. It’s name is derived from the Old English version of the Norse realm of mankind “Midgard”.
𝗔 𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗠𝘆𝘁𝗵
Tolkien created and revised his mythology for most of his life. He coined the term “mythopoeia” to refer to the act of creating mythology which he considered to be different from the simple act of writing a fantasy story as myths require history, continuity, cultures, etc. in order to create a larger and more credible setting. This was an extension of another passion and ideology: creating languages. A linguist by trade, Tolkien fashioned his world to house the languages he had been creating since childhood. He believed that language is ultimately tied to culture and therefore needed a people to speak his languages in order to give them life. When writing his works Tolkien sought to fill what he thought was a damning lack of English mythology, as distinct from Celtic or Germanic mythology. Whether or not he was correct about the absence of English myth, he was very successful in installing his own. Many aspects of his lore are now so deeply embedded in English pop-culture that tropes he established are now viewed as cliché, and reference to things he created or influences are so common we sometimes forget we were referencing him at all.
𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝗣𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗺, 𝗔𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗮
Tolkien himself had a long-standing interest in mythology which was unusual for academics at the time. Mythology was seen by many as being little more than fairy-tales fit primarily for children or to pass time. Tolkien was one of a vein of academics who fought for mythology to be taken as a serious part of history and culture. His particular focus on Norse and Finnish mythology can be seen in many aspects of his stories ex. the wizard Gandalf is one part Odin, the Norse king of gods who is portrayed as a bearded wanderer and practitioner of magic, and one part Väinämöinen, the heroic bard of the Kalevala. His obsessions and creations were not without some mild controversy from within his own religion: Roman Catholicism. However, Tolkien felt his works were very much in-line with his own faith. Though there are other great spirits in the universe of Middle-Earth, there is ultimately one supreme god. The rebellion of Melkor is very much like that of the Christian Satan. He even writes that only mankind experiences death, while the spirits of other creatures of Middle-Earth are either reincarnated or otherwise bound to the physical world, insuring that the sanctity of man’s souls and the Christian covenant are not violated.
𝗘𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀, 𝗗𝘄𝗮𝗿𝘃𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗢𝗿𝗰𝘀, 𝗢𝗵 𝗠𝘆
As mentioned above, Tolkien established many aspects of fantasy we now take as givens. Here are just a few prominent examples. Elves and Dwarves are both supernatural human-like creatures from Norse and broader Germanic mythology, however modern conceptions of both have been heavily influenced by Tolkien. Despite devoting a whole section of the cosmos to them, surviving Norse texts mention elves sparingly. Other than being some class of supernatural person, generally conceived of as good though also being responsible for certain illnesses and other maladies, there’s not much we can definitively say about them. In the middle ages the word “elf” became increasingly generic and lost its footing to other similar words like “fairy”. If you imagine an elf as a tall, pointed eared person, gifted with long life and magic powers, your fantasy is one of Tolkien’s influence.
Dwarves are somewhat better attested from antiquity, though they too are made significantly more concrete by Tolkien. The idea of them as gruff creatures in opposition to elvish elegance is his, as is the spelling “dwarves”. The “authentic” plural is “dwarfs”, but Tolkien felt the “v” gave it an authentic Old-English feel.
The orc is one of the more impressive feats of Tolkien’s. Now a staple of modern fantasy, these are 100% a Tolkien original. When creating his “evil race”, which in Middle-Earth are actually corruptions of elves, a name was needed. The word “goblin” is frequently used, though as a diminutive term was not always appropriate for larger and more intimidating specimens. For reasons unknown Tolkien did not go for other well-established terms, like “ogre”, and instead pulled an obscure reference to Beowulf, wherein exactly one line mentions “orcneas” alongside elves and giants as cursed pagan races. Like with Elves, Dwarves, and other facets of the Tolkien's mythology, the concept of the orc as a distinct supernatural entity would spread across such popular fantasy games as Dungeons and Dragons and Warcraft.
Image Credit: Barbara Remington, 𝘈 𝘔𝘢𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘔𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘭𝘦-𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩
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smile. (1/?)
A/N: It’s kind of long for just an introduction to the series, but I enjoyed writing it.
Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader
Word count: 1.9k (This literally filled up like five pages on google docs and it felt like I was writing a chapter book but what do i knoW)
Warnings: None, really.
Steve had a whole list of books he planned on reading, and since he had a day off, he figured he might as well put that list to some good use. He had his little notebook full of things people had recommended to him. Things he should discover, since it had only been two years since he was unthawed. He still hadn’t got to listen to the full album that Sam had recommended to him. He only listened to about three songs when he was recovering in the hospital from the fall off of the helicarrier. As soon as he’d healed up, he went straight back to work. Which was not surprising for the people that knew him personally. If he wasn’t kept busy doing something, he might lose his mind. He was a good man who loved to work. It wasn’t like he could really help it.
He pushed open the door to a small local library, reaching into his back pocket and taking the small notebook out. Closing the door behind him, he opened the notebook, and flipped to a page with a list of books upon books. One of the books had been The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. Steve was intrigued. He was more of a history nerd, really, but the title of this book definitely intrigued him.
Not wanting to bother the librarian who seemed to be busy reading already, and hadn’t noticed Steve, he made his way to where the fictional books were. It had been so long since he walked around a library. He normally just went to a store and bought those small really thick books you’d find in a single aisle of a grocery store. “The ones for old people.”, Natasha would tell him. “Maybe you should get a pair of reading glasses while you’re at it, old man.” She’d even said.
After about ten or fifteen minutes of no luck, Steve grumbled something like “Gosh dang-it.” under his breath. He made his way to the front desk, and the librarian was still reading.
Her y/e/c eyes skimmed across the paper intensely, almost as if she was having a staring competition with the book itself. This can’t be happening, she thought, her eyes wide as the scene unfolded in front of her. Her favorite character got stabbed, and she let out an audible gasp. A loud “NO!” slipped passed her lips shamelessly, not caring that she was in the library she worked at. She grumbled some curse words under her breath that Steve couldn’t quite hear, it was so quiet, and she slammed the book shut, putting it on the desk.
Shutting the book seemed to have brought her back to reality, because she looked up, and another gasp passed her lips. “Oh my word, I’m so sorry, sir! My favorite character just died, and, well, you see, pretty much everyone refers to me as a geek or a nerd, so I guess you just witnessed my inner nerd or… geek… I don’t know-- I’m sorry, again--” She blabbered on, embarrassed now. “How can I help you?”
Steve suppressed his laugh that dared to break free from his lips, and cleared his throat before he spoke. “It’s quite okay, ma’am, really.” He offered her a little smile, his eyes glancing down to the name on the desk. It read Y/n Y/l/n, and he looked back over to her. “Y/n, is it?” She nodded. “Y/n-- Does this library happen to have The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien in stock?”
She looked at him blankly. He must not know anything about the series. “...Which one…? The Lord of the Rings is a trilogy, sir, the first book is The Fellowship of the Ring, the second book is The Two Towers, and the last book is The Return of the King.”
He looked at her, surprise written in his futures. “...All three, I suppose. Why not?” He shrugged with a small smile, uncertainty in his futures as well, though.
Y/n read the uncertainty in his futures, and offered him a soft smile. “I think that’s a great idea. Lucky for you, I just brought them back from my place. I’ve read them plenty of times before, but it’s nice working at a library. You don’t have to buy your own copies or pay rent.” She winked, still smiling. She stood up out of her chair, and walked into the backroom behind the giant desk she was originally sitting at.
She came out of the backroom with a frown on her face. “I’m afraid I forgot them… Here, how about this: I get off this shift in about two hours. Come back here at exactly 2pm, and I’ll grab the books from my place and give them to you, free of charge. You look like a busy man, and I don’t think you’ll be coming back for a while.”
It was one of her specialties. She was able to read people quite easy, almost like a detective. If she looked hard enough, she might be able to tell you what your job or hobby is. Her friends nicknamed her Sherlock, and so she of course nicknamed her bestest friend Watson.
“Uh… Yeah, actually… I’ve got a full schedule most of the time, this is my one in a million day off.” He answered, unsure. He didn’t know how Y/n didn’t recognize him. If anything, going into the library, he expected to be noticed upon first glance. He was so used to it, and honestly, it was a relief to not be asked for whatever a selfie was every second he walked down the sidewalk.
“What do you do?” Y/n curiously asked. When she saw he took a moment to reply, she spoke up before he could. “Sorry-- You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I’m just a curious person.” She sheepishly shrugged. “Gets boring here in the library when barely anyone comes in.”
“No no, you’re fine. I’m Steve Rogers. I worked with S.H.I.E.L.D. before it fell out. Now, I’m an avenger.”
Her jaw seemed to slacken when she heard who he was. “Steve Rogers? You mean Captain America?” She asked, dumbfounded.
He seemed to regret what he said as he nodded, but his regret disappeared when she said. “My sister is a huge fan. I’m not gonna be one of those annoying people that constantly ask for pictures or autographs. I wasn’t here during the attack on New York. I was in the Faroe Islands for a few months.” Y/n cut herself off, feeling herself about to explain in full detail of why she was there, how much fun she had, etc. It was a bad habit of hers. If she started speaking about her passions, it would be hard to make her stop.
A wave of relief washed over him when he heard she wasn’t about to ask for anything of him. “Faroe Islands? I’ve never heard of it…” Y/n’s eyes seemed to light up when he said that, obviously excited. Not many people had heard of the Faroe Islands, and she was more than happy to explain it to people. But she didn’t want him to feel like he had to stay there.
“Since it’s your day off, I’m sure you’ve got plenty of things to do, so, how about when you come by here at 2, I’ll explain on the way to my apartment. Deal?” She offered him her hand to shake on it. Steve gladly shook it, his small charming smile gracing his lips. “Deal. See you at two, Y/n.”
“See you, Cap.” She grinned at him, watching him leave.
-------------------------
2pm came faster than Steve expected. He was in the middle of ordering a sandwich at Subway when he realized it was 1:45. Thankfully the sandwich-maker was quick and finished his sandwich within 2 minutes. Subway bag with sandwich inside in hand, Steve ran down the blocks to the library.
Y/n was on her way to the doors of the library when the doors burst open, and Steve ran into her. Y/n lost her balance and almost fell, but Steve’s strong arms wrapped around her waist to keep her standing.
“Are you okay? I’m sorry--” Steve quickly spoke, his eyes flickering over her face to make sure she was okay. It surprised Y/n so much, that it took quite some time for her to finally speak up.
She cleared her throat. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine.” She quickly nodded, offering a reassuring smile. “Promise.”
Steve got caught in her y/e/c eyes for a moment before he realized he was staring. He removed his arms from around her waist after making sure she could stand.
“Do you wanna get those books and get a history lesson on the Faroe Islands, Steve?” She asked with a small sheepish smile.
“I don’t see why not. I could use the information.” Steve smiled back at her. He turned and opened the door for her, letting her walk out.
Y/n locked the doors behind them before turning and starting to walk with him. “So, first things first, the Faroe Islands are off the coast of Denmark. It’s a total of 18 islands, and it’s absolutely gorgeous there. You get from island to island by either ferry or underwater tunnel. It’s actually really cool. It’s a lot like Iceland, which some people might mistake photos of the Faroe Islands for Iceland. My absolute favorite location on the Faroe Islands, was Lake Sørvágsvatn…”
As she went on and on, before they knew it, they were at her apartment. “You can come in, if you want.” She nodded to the inside of her apartment after she unlocked the door.
Steve walked in behind her, looking around. The first thing that caught his eye was a giant shelf with books on them, camera lenses, two camera bodies, and so much more. “You’re a photographer.” He noted.
“Very well, Sherlock!” She teased, shutting the door behind her. “That’s why I went to the Faroe Islands. Well, I’d always wanted to go there and photograph the landscape, but I was contacted by National Geographic, because I signed up for some sort of random pick thingy, I dunno, but I was chosen, and I had the time of my life there. I wish I could go back, but… Money’s short right now, and it sucks.” She sighed, walking over to the shelf.
After a couple moments, she let out an “Aha!” and pulled out three books off of the shelf. “Here you are, all three of the books.” She handed him the stack.
Steve took the stack, brows raised. “How long are these each?” He asked a little warily. “Well over 400 pages. Good luck, soldier.” She chuckled.
“Thank you, really. I’ll return them to the library as soon as I’m finished with them.” Steve smiled down at her.
“Anytime! Here,” She turned around and jogged to the dining room table, grabbing a notebook and ripping a paper out of it. She scribbled an assortment of numbers on it, and handed the paper to him. “If you have any questions or something about the books, just call me. I’ll probably always pick up.”
“Sounds like a plan, Y/n. I’ll see you around?”
“I’ll make sure of it.”
With a wave goodbye, Steve was out of her apartment, and Steve was left with a sudden interest to get to know her even more.
#steve rogers#steve x reader#steve rogers x reader#captain america#captain america x reader#marvel#avengers#quite a bit of self insert here bc i'm a photographer and a lotr nerd#soft!steve
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Favorite Bagginshield Fics I’ve Read/Currently Reading (in no particular order) Part 2/?:
It’s been a little over 6 months since I gushed Bagginshield fic rec and I decided a few weeks ago while reading my pile of bookmarks on AO3 that I need to post a new one. I have 33 fics below out of the 9,085 fics on Bagginshield’s AO3, so I’d recommend taking a look there as well for those I’ve missed. As always, buckle in boys.
Part 1 Ask
^^ rating descends from G to E this time for organizational purposes! also, a lot of these are all complete because I have no patience and have to read an entire 100k fic in one sitting like a maniac.
** (to reiterate) are extra, extra favorites, but these are all absolutely incredible fics worth every second of your time.
Call You Home by northerntrash - 12k, rating: not rated, complete, hobbit culture, everyone lives nobody dies au, it’s all fluff folks, Thorin’s making puppy-eyes at the Burglar again, hobbits have a secret language (sign me up!)
Summary: In which the Company are entirely too nosy about matters that are supposed to be a secret, and Bilbo learns that being concerned about propriety is overrated when you could be making friends instead.
** Wasteful by northerntrash - 6k, rating: not rated, modern au, coffee shop au (squeeee), in which awkwardly staring does not make for good flirting, and you should probably just tell people when you are interested in them, fluff, author writes modern Thorin so goddamn well!
Summary: Bilbo just didn't understand; why would anyone come in every day, order cake, and then not eat it?
** Customary by an_odd_ducky - 3k, rating: G, fluff, hobbits rub noses as a greeting!, thorin is jealous!, Fili and Kili insist on learning!
Summary: Hobbits rub noses to greet each other - a fact the dwarves don't know until they arrive in Rivendell and Elrond greets a surprised Bilbo by rubbing their noses together. Some of the company find it quite amusing, but Thorin is less than pleased. Fluff! Fill for the Hobbit Kink Meme.
** Para Bellum by RyuzzaKochou - 4k, rating: G, complete, basically hobbits are secret kung fu masters, company bonding, humor.
Summary: Hobbits always survive; even where trained and experienced soldiers don't. Has no one ever wondered about this? Thorin and the Company learn that it takes more than luck to be small in a big world. OR - Bilbo has unexpected skills and Thorin finds he likes them.
Silly Trinkets by The Feels Whale (miscellea) - 16k, rating: G, complete, fem!Bilbo, Thorin has no game, lies of omission, part of a two part series.
Summary: There are no words adequate to describe the Last Homely House or the wonders of Lord Elrond’s hospitality, which seems impossible to strain even under the burden of thirteen empty dwarfish stomachs and their even more trying attitudes.
Having played hostess to those same stomachs in her time, Briar is duly impressed and endeavors to add to the burden as little as possible. This is made somewhat more difficult by the fact that elves, apparently, are better able to differentiate between hobbit gentlemen and hobbit ladies that dwarves seem to be. A fact Briar learned when Lord Elrond pulled her to one side after their meal and put her into the hands of his daughter and her women with a gentle smile.
Briar feels that she probably owes him a swift kick in the shins for that.
You Got Me by drunkonwriting - 19k, rating: G, complete, dwarf culture & customs, everyone loves Bilbo and gives him shit, fluff, everybody lives nobody dies au.
Summary: The Company shows their affection for Bilbo in accordance with dwarvish tradition. Bilbo... has no idea why everyone keeps giving him gifts.
Comes Around Again by scarletjedi - 205k, rating: T, complete, a fandom favorite obviously, Gimli and Legolas are the main pairing, lovely art!, time travel fix-it, established relationship.
Summary: Gimli closes his eyes, an old Dwarf on the brink of death in the home he had built with his husband in the Undying Lands, and opens them again as a young Dwarf in his childhood home in Ered Luin. He's returned to the tumultuous week before The Company set out to recruit their Burglar from his cosy hobbit hole. Gimli, once again a impetuous teen in the eyes of his family, must get into that Company--the lives of his loved ones, and the very fate of Middle Earth--depends on it.
** A Dragon’s Tale by vtforpedro - 132k, rating: T, complete, canon divergence au, dragon Bilbo, timeline? what timeline?, Bilbo is so Done (same), Thorin is an Idiot, emotionally constipated Thorin (my favorite, jk), everyone is dramatic, lore? what lore?, minor character death, minor war violence, minor ring influence.
Summary: Bilbo Baggins has been a hobbit for many long years and he should very much like to keep it that way, thank you very much.
An old friend drops by Bag End with the offer of an adventure and despite Bilbo's refusal, the idea of only thirteen dwarves and a wizard facing a dragon may just convince him yet. After all, he has experience with the Great Dragons of the North. Once upon a time, he was one.
An Eye For Quality by Linelen (Linelenagain) - 85k, rating: T, complete, fem!Bilbo, au canon divergence, wonky timeline, family by choice, crazy courtship rituals (we love a good courtship).
Summary: Fíli lived his life by an old dwarven proverb: when a fool drops a treasure, a wise man picks it up (it sounded better in the original khuzdul).Bella Baggins never quite fit in the Shire. Perhaps she was made for the mountains, instead.
** A Shot in the Dark by Silver_pup - 213k, rating: T: complete, I read anything this author writes basically, time travel (I love this trope), fix-it fic, au, bamf!Bilbo, bamf!Dwarves, Bilbo is determined to save everyone, friends to lovers, eventual happy ending.
Summary: When he opens his eyes again, he finds himself in his old bed in his old home in his old body. Is this death? Or a trick of magic? Either way, Bilbo recognizes a second chance when he sees one, and this time his adventure with Thorin is going to go a bit differently.
** Flowers and Ice by BlackSmile - 54k, rating: T, complete, fem!Bilbo, frozen au (she has gloves, I repeat, Bella has to conceal don’t feel), some angst, author blames tumblr, no ring au.
Summary: Thorin wasn't really impressed with the idea to hire a burglar for their quest. He was even less impressed when he found out this burglar was a Hobbit. And all his hopes were lost when he found out their burglar was a woman. But still he can't help himself but to feel a bit attracted to this damned sweet Hobbit. Just why does she have to be so stubborn? And why does she wear gloves all the time anyway?
** Flowers of Yavanna by SOABA - 22k, rating: T, complete, overprotective dwarves, dwobbits!, fem!Bilbo, post BotFA, magic, families of choice, assassination attempts, Bilbo remains in Erebor au, cabbage patch hobbits (yesss)
Summary: Because the belief that Hobbits grew their babies in a cabbage patch had to come from somewhere.“What’s on your wrist, Bella?” Tauriel asked from her place at the dining table when Bél walked past her, nodding toward Bella’s right side.
Bella frowned and looked down at her right hand and then her mouth fell open in shock. Printed on the inside of her wrist, directly underneath her palm, plain as daylight, was a circlet of lily-shaped blossoms connected by an emerald green vine.
lay down your sweet and weary head by Elenothar - 125k, rating: T, complete, very slow burn, more pining pre-slash actually, time travel (again, a gift to this fandom because BotFA broke all of us), fix it yet not really fix-it it’s complicated, durin family, thorin-centric.
Summary: Thorin dies. Thorin wakes up. He is understandably confused by this, especially since he appears to be in the Erebor he knew as a young dwarf, about to be attacked by a dragon.A time-travel fic with Thorin as the one living his life twice.
The Nine Lives of Bilbo Baggins by captain (theoddoodisnude) - 15k, rating: T, complete, community: hobbit_kink, AU (sort of), multiple temporary character deaths, slightly gory, descriptions of death and dying, THERE’S A HAPPY ENDING FOLKS.
Summary: He's not scared, but rather resigned. He doesn't want to die, not when he knows that it will be permanent, but he doesn't regret his actions. He's died many times on this journey; first for his Company, and then for people he could proudly call friends, who then turned into family.
And now Bilbo will die for them again.
For the first time in his life, he will also die for love.
Nugel (Flower of all Flowers) by aquileaofthelonelymountain - 2k, rating: T, complete, post BotFA, everybody lives nobody dies au, fluff, flower language.
Summary: Recently, Bilbo seems distracted, even unhappy. But what Thorin interprets as homesickness is something different. And although Bilbo knows very well why he feels so strangely out of place, he lacks the courage to tell Thorin. It's only good that even dwarves know a thing or two about flowers...
** A Passion for Mushrooms by Chrononautical - 90k, rating: T, complete, all the dwarves, dwarf culture and customs, cultural differences, gift giving, language of flowers, flower crowns, everyone lives nobody dies au, Bilbo remains in Erebor au, slow burn, need I say more folks?
Summary: There are many trials for a hobbit attempting to make a life among dwarves. A hobbit wants a garden. A hobbit wants to eat regular meals. A hobbit wants friends, good books, and comfortable chairs. Bilbo does his best to carve out a little hobbit life for himself in the mountain. If only there were not one final obstacle. For a hobbit heart wants love, and among dwarves that is a sticky subject.
"Hobbits have a passion for mushrooms, surpassing even the greediest likings of Big People." - The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien
** Plaits and Weaves by ArgentAconit - 53k, rating: T, complete, braids, hobbit culture, dwarf culture, fluff, listen Bilbo goes through most of the company and gives them each Hobbit worthy braids (??? that’s fucking adorable bro), grooming, cultural differences, Thorin is jealous (big surprise), sort of a fix it.
Summary: Bilbo misses home, he misses his armchair and his books, but right now he misses his kitchen the most. If only he had something to keep his hands busy, he wouldn't so dearly wish he could turn back and delay their quest even more.
Fili is the first to take notice how restless he is, and quickly comes up with a solution. Bilbo, of course, doesn't seem to understand what he is being asked and how it would affect the company over the course of their journey. Or how it would affect one Thorin Oakenshield.
Raven: An Unexpected Adventure by Aerlinniel722 - 165k, rating: T, 32/? chapters completed, fem!Bilbo, everyone lives nobody dies au, post BotFA, overprotective dwarves, family feels, there’s a MINI, female dwobbit Thorin and you expect me not to read it, as if, Bilba really struggles in this one folks.
Summary: After the Battle of Five Armies, Bilba Baggins fled Erebor and her new King in disgrace with a secret. Fifteen years later, when Dís swears she sees a hobbit who looked like her brother… well, perhaps a certain burglar isn't as dead as it was initially assumed.
** Recovery, Redemption, and Romance by Moonbeam - 118k, rating: T, complete, Bilbo is a surprise healer, injured Thorin, rebuilding Erebor, Bilbo is awesome, Thorin is smitten, Dwarves are amused and sneaky, gifts and courting, slow build. everyone lives nobody dies au, developing relationship.
Summary: When Thorin is injured in the Battle of the Five Armies, Bilbo surprises everyone with his healing abilities.
Then as Erebor starts to rebuild he continues to surprise people with his knowledge and skills. On top of everything else that is occurring there is a dwarf king and a hobbit who might be trying to court one another without the other knowing - while their companions are either helpful or confusingly gleeful.
An Unexpected Proposal by Earenial - 100k, rating: T, complete, romance, character study, oblivious!Bilbo, frustrated!Thorin, Kili is a flirt, Bilbo-centric, fic follows (most of) the canon events of the book ( = no hug on Carrock), slow Austen-type romance, slow burn.
Summary: As Bilbo sat smoking in his empty hobbit hole, he couldn’t help but wonder – when did his life become so boring? Or better yet – when did his old life stop being enough?
He suspected the answer to that question lay somewhere around the time when he had refused Thorin Oakenshield’s offer of marriage.
** Feathers that Flutter and Fly by orphan_account :( - 14k, rating: M, complete, wing!verse, Bilbo’s wings are beautiful and I’m in love with wing fics sue me.
Summary: The Shire is taken by Orcs, ravaged and destroyed but Bilbo, who is still very young, managed to escape. He runs, travelling through Middle Earth until he reaches Erebor, where Thorin finds him, cold and starving.
Good Morning by Luckyhai5 - 57k, rating: M, complete, fem!Bilbo, major character death warning, imprisonment, PTSD, it’s really a nice story I swear, it has a happy ending.
Summary: There was a strange, tall man walking up the path. Bilbo recognised him, of course; how could one forget that tall, grey silhouette now making its way up towards her? Gandalf.
AU. What if Bilbo had already left the Shire once before? What if she had seen things she could never forget, and lived through things she couldn't speak of? In this world, Bilbo has a secret, a secret waiting for her in Rivendell, a secret that has changed, and will change, everything...
A Home for my Heart by Moonrose91 - 54k, rating: M, complete, social isolation, character death, miscarriages, infant death, barrenness, body shaming, bullying, mention of mpreg, Erebor Never Fell au, smashing of timelines, canon what canon?, slow build.
Summary: For things Bilbo could not change, he was condemned to a life of isolation, with the belief that none could love him. And then a Dwarf came to Hobbiton.
** Hurricanes in Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire by 61Below - 126k, rating: M, complete, fem!Bilbo, post BotFA, pregnancy!, language barriers!, cultural misunderstandings!, durin family feels, tbh if Dís is in it I’m in love, ALSO author pictured Bilbo as Margret Hale from North and South??? that’s beautiful.
Summary: Bilbo was banished. That's it, the end. She wants nothing more to do with dwarves. Now all she needs to do is get back home, but there may be some complications along the way.
** The Oak and The Ash by sunryder - 67k, rating: M, complete, timeline? what timeline?, au sentinels and guides, sentinel/guide bonding (I love this idea of sentinels and guides, it’s like soulmates but more intricate?? and better almost?? read it, it’s fantastic).
Summary: Bilbo Baggins was not a particularly talented Guide. He knew that. His family knew that. Every last Hobbit in the four Farthings and Bree knew that.
But that meant nothing when one morning an agony that wasn’t Bilbo’s ripped right through him, dropping him to his knees with a scream. Wrapped up in the pain there was a presence. Someone fierce and determined, nestling himself in the blank space in Bilbo’s mind for the barest of moments before he slipped away. It was like fingertips brushing across the outside fringe of his soul, and Bilbo wanted it back. Wanted him back.
And so help him, Bilbo was going to find him. His Sentinel.
Something Blue by Lapin - 34k, rating: M, complete, fake relationship (ayyyyyy) au canon divergence, politics, gardens & gardening.
Summary: Thorin marries Bilbo after the Battle of Five Armies, a marriage of convenience, not love. Slowly, they must come to make the best of it, Bilbo resolves. After all, he's a Hobbit. They make the best of things.
** An Expected Journey by MarieJacquelyn - 295k, rating: E, complete, time travel, sex and violence, fix it, eventual happy ending, temporary character death, BotFA fix it, everybody lives nobody dies.
Summary: “I just wish…”
“What do you wish?”
“I wish I could have changed it all.”
For years Bilbo has written about his adventures and told stories about his dealings with dwarves and dragons. To most it seemed like fanciful nonsense but to Bilbo it was all very real. A weight followed him home from his travels, one called regret. Now in his final moments Bilbo has a choice to make – go quietly into death’s embrace or go back again and face all the fear and pain for the chance to make things right?
Of course, change is a fickle thing and not everything can be done again as Bilbo is about to find out. In the end, it may not only be salvation that he’s fighting for.
** Durin’s League by hobbitgrl - 73k, rating: E, complete, superheroes/superpowers au, fem!Bilbo, angst, romance, all the dwarves all the things all the feelings.
Summary: When the mysterious Durin's League takes the national spotlight in the battle against the super-powered villains of the Smaug Corporation Bilbo Baggins doesn't think much of it. At least not until Thorin Oakenshield crashes through her living room wall and Gandalf tells her she's their only hope.
No Matter What We Breed by fideliant - 37k, rating: E, complete, alpha/beta/omega dynamics, omegaverse, alpha Thorin, omega Bilbo, courtship, cultural differences, love at first sight, implied mpreg, a lot of sex folks, angst, attempted rape/non-con, Gandalf is a mega troll.
Summary: In a world where omega males are slightly less rare than Arkenstones, Thorin doesn't do himself much of a favour by falling in love with the first gentlehobbit he lays eyes on. Much more is expected of virile alpha male dwarves, after all, even more so for kings, but when Bilbo is revealed to be the first omega male in centuries, Erebor is suddenly not the only prize that Thorin has set his sights on winning.
** Office Hours by lilithiumwords - 9k, rating: E, complete, takes place after What Happens in Gondor, modern au, college/university au, Kili is a literature student and Bilbo is his professor and Thorin is a jerk (not really), smut, Thorin might be deranged, (I love the ending to this, read it).
Summary: When Professor Bilbo Baggins sent Kíli Vinson's paper home with a bad grade, he never imagined that his relaxing office hours would be interrupted by Kíli's terribly rude uncle.Whom, incidentally, Bilbo had met before and knew rather, er, intimately.
** The Riven Crown by The_Kingmaker - 254k, rating: E, complete, friends to lovers, misunderstandings, mutual pining, middle earth politics, everyone lives nobody dies au, hurt/comfort, nightmare, alternating POV, slow burn.
Summary: ‘We may have won the battle, but I fear the war with winter is just beginning.’
The aftermath of war is no laughing matter. Those who died must be honoured, those who are wounded must be healed, and those who remain need food and clothing, peace and sanctuary. With Thorin's life hanging in the balance, it is up to Bilbo and the rest of the Company to rule the rag-tag remnants of Erebor in his place.
Then there is the matter of the gold...
Can Bilbo save both king and kingdom, or is Erebor destined to fall deeper into ruin?
Safe and Distant by Lindzzz - 45k, rating: E, complete, slow burn, everyone lives nobody dies au (everyone knows but bilbo), thorn is an idiot, post BotFA, cultural miscommunication, 50k sequel!
Summary: "Bilbo never bothers denying that he is a slight, little bit, probably infatuated with Thorin. It’s not something that bothers him. Really. He’s pretty sure that everyone very likely has a little flutter in their chest for the dwarf. He’s something grand and unattainable.And it’s really much safer if it stays that way."
** What Happens in Gondor by lilithiumwords - 15k, rating: E, complete, modern au, smut, one night stand, REINCARNATION, anyone?, Gandalf is a troll, Thorin and Bilbo are beans, so much sex, prequel to a 3 part series.
Summary: The one night stand that Bilbo will always regret leaving behind.
#bagginshield thilbo thorin oakenshield bilbo baggins fic recs bagginshield fic recs my post#bagginshield#thilbo#thorin oakenshield#bilbo baggins#fic recs#bagginshield fic recs#bagginshield fic rec#my post#mine#text#fic rec#fem!bilbo#this is a long one folks#ao3#bagginshield fic
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Re-Reading Good Omens After Fifteen-Plus Years: A Review
[I a so sorry I didn’t get a chance to finish it before the show dropped the way i wanted - I had to bow out of Tumblr for most of the last few weeks to focus on a project. Bugger bugger bugger. Here it is now, later that I would have liked. Apologies, gentle readers.
Spoilers, obviously for the whole book]
I last read Good Omens some fifteen to seventeen years ago for probably the tenth or even twentieth time. I read it a lot. In the heady days of... I want to say grade ten?... no book seemed smarter, wiser, made me laugh more, and me feel smarter for having read it. I think my order of operations was all the Discworld books (up to, or just before, Night Watch) -> Good Omens -> Sandman, with the later changing how I understood the nature of story itself (but that’s for another day.) I suspect that Good Omens, along with The West Wing, Tolkien, and The Golden Compass, along with an enormous Colonial Chip on my shoulder (and a pretentious stick up the ass) eventually led me to becoming a Classicist after a brief and dreadful dalliance with the theatre. At the very least it certainly helped.
So, what do I know think of Good Omens, a book I once read at least ten times (probably more) back when I re-read favourite books the way other people breathed often? (i.e. with constant regularity)
Well, it’s not bad. It is not a bad book. It’s just not a great book. It’s not a terribly… cohesive book. It reads exactly like the kind of book that might get written if you and a fellow writer swapped a floppy disc back and forth in the mail a bunch of times adding bits as you went. Which, of course, is exactly what it is.
The things I remember about the book remain as good as I remember them being - which is a shame because all the really good bits I remember about the book are, with a few exceptions, in the first half (Death still incorrectly says Revelations instead of Revelation in the second half like I remember. He’s still wrong, and it’s still weird given that the right name is in the book earlier more than once.) Everything goes rapidly downhill the moment Armageddon actually kicks off... something of a problem in a book about Armageddon whose entire second half is Armageddon.
I remember Aziraphale and Crowley being great together. What I didn’t remember is that they spend most of the book apart, a crime because they’re at their best bouncing off one-another and far weaker solo, especially Crowley who really only has Hastur to talk to and he’s not a great conversationalist. If I could ditch Crowley Drives Really Hard and swap it for A&C Do Shit Together I would.
I remember Newt and Anathema becoming a couple. What I didn’t remember is that they are entirely superfluous to the narrative, as are the prophecies of Agnes Nutter herself. I kept trying to remember why it is that Newt and Anathema needed to be at the military base - turns out they don’t. Newt doesn’t even stop the countdown, that’s all Adam willing it otherwise. N&A then wander over to the main group and just kind of stand around. The only purpose of the prophecies is to give Aziraphale an idea of where Adam is. That’s it.
This is extremely frustrating because Anathema talks about how working-out prophecies has allowed her family to triumph down the ages, and it sets Agnes up as someone who was executed for being a truth teller - for being an other - even though one day her prophecies would be so important for the world. But they're not! Their one tangible impact on the plot is to have Aziraphale make a phone call that he immediately hangs up. the prophecies only document the end of the world, they are irrelevent to the aversion of the End Times, which feels like one of several moments where the book Is Making A Point About Human Nature And Reader Expectations but is undone by my old friend lousy framing. Toy cannot position someone as having “they know not what they do” importance and then just not follow-through on that.
There is, I think, a sense in the book that What It’s All About is quiet humanism: that the story isn’t really about Armageddon, but the smaller human stories that happened around it: Newt and Anathema falling in... love, I guess?
Mindy Newt: Homer Anathema, What’s wrong?
Homer Anathema: Like you don’t know! We’re going to have sex!
Mindy Newt:: Oh … We don’t have to.
Homer Anathema: Yes we do! The cookie Book told me so
Or Shadwell and Madame Tracey.
And that’s great - that’s a great theme. But the book fails to pull it off - largely, I think because once Armageddon kicks off it loses the human dimension its trying to argue is important for keeping the planet grounded, not because its trying to make that point, but because the authors get so distracted by writing a bunch of crazy Armageddon stuff that the actual important work - like fleshing-out characters and their stories properly - goes away in the hurly-burly of Important Shit Going down.
Take Adam. Adam lacks any real sense of interiority and wears his heart on his sleeve, which makes the will-he, won’t-he nature of Armageddon on which the whole book rests have... well, zero weight. Will Adam give in to his more evil nature? No. Of course he won’t. It’s not even a case of “of course he won’t ‘cause I know how stories go don’t I ain’t I clever” - it’s that Adam has no evil nature. None at all. A bit of child-like self-absorption , but that’s it. The book climaxes with Aziraphale realizing that the AntiChrist won’t pick sides because he is neither entirely Good or Evil - he is Just A Human, and therefore kind of both. The book has done a great job showing that duality of humanity: Mr. young, for example, isn’t a bad man. Nor is he a good one. He’s an average man, with all sorts of awful little prejudices and thought patterns, but equally enough basic decency that nobody could call him a monster anymore than a saint. So often in the book people do Bad Things without being depraved lunatics - they just get caught up in the churning mediocrity of life, what Arendt dubbed the ‘banality of evil’ after the Eichmann trial. The telemarketers aren’t child killers, and they don’t deserve their (frankly sickening and brutal) deaths - but every day they hurt people in small, irritating, vexing ways, perpetuating some horrid not because they’re nightmares but because it’s just their job.
Again, that’s great. That’s why the first part of the book is the strongest: it’s full of the kinds of humanity you don’t normally see in literature outside of the Golgafrinchan Ark Fleet Ship B. Desperately ordinary people - the real kind of ordinary, not the ordinary that tends to turn into anime heroes.
But Adam isn’t ordinary. Not remotely. The book says this again and again, calling him a young Adonis, alluding to his unearthy Luciferian beauty, to his passions, to his commanding voice, to his leadership skills. His friends adore him, and for all that they might get argumentative with him the sheer god-like weight of his Presence cannot be ignored.
So when Aziraphale explains:
"He was left alone! He grew up human! He's not Evil Incarnate or Good Incarnate, he's just… a human incarnate.”
My response is a rather limp “Um, well... no. No he’s not.”
“Aha!” I hear you cry. “The book’s not saying he’s ordinary, it’s saying he’s the embodiment of humanity: all their vices and virtues are amplified within him, and that’s why he has superhuman powers.”
To which i reply that yeah, it’s certainly what the book is insisting in the case. But it’s not demonstrated within the text. I said above Adam lacks interiority: what you see is what you get. And what you get has zero amplification of evil. Adam seems like a genuinely good kid - in fact he is such a good kid that the book actually makes a point of commenting on how he is basically living in a parodic homage of a Boy’s Own Adventure novel. If Jack Trent, Frank Hardy, Tom Swift, and half the cast of Aladdin Paperbacks‘ first decade of publishing rolled up in a clown car and asked Adam if he wanted to hang, he’d fit right in. And they’re all painfully decent people.
Adam status as a “troublemaker” - that is, even the vaguest implication that he is capable of “mischief” - is undermined by the book highlighting that the kind of people who complain about that sort of thing are Doddering Tory Blowhards like R. P. Taylor who wouldn’t know fun if it dressed like Margaret Thatcher and dry-humped their legs. For Adam to be the incarnation of humanity there has to be a sense that he is more human than human - that his capacity for good and his capacity for evil are so great that with him him the form of gestalt of pure humanity.
But that’s rubbish. Because Adam does nothing the book seems to think is worthy of meaningful censure, or at least nothing that literally any child might do as well (like ruining his sisters dress while dunking her in the water). If the best the book can do to balance out Adam’s Local Boy Heroically Saves Summer Camp And Solves The Mystery Of The Puzzle Riddle Enigma is that well he’s kind of inward facing like every other 12 year old then, well... that really takes the wind out of the book’s big summating point. The same kind of language that gets used about Adam feel like you could copy past it into a Discworld book to describe Carrot Ironfoundersson.
So when, as happens. the book shows Adam coming Into his power and talk about Remaking The World, we don’t have to think he will and that all is lost - we know how to read stories, we’re not idiots. But we should at least have a passing moment of worry that he could had the circumstances been slightly different - that he, poised on the edge of good and evil, could go either way were it not for the redemptive power of his ordinary human upbringing keeping him ground. Which, I think is safe to say, is the conclusion the book puts forward.
But there is no ‘could.’ Of course he won’t - there’s no tension there at all. The book kills it stone dead, in fact, when it notes that:
Seems to me it ought to be rolled up and started all over again," said Adam.
That hadn't sounded like Adam's voice.
and
Adam wasn't listening, at least to any voices outside his own head.
Adam is described as basically being possessed - at the most critical point of Armageddon, when the AntiChrist is placed to make a choice not even between Good and Evil but between The Harbinger Theological Inevitability and Sod All That Let’s Just Keep Living Because I’m A Human it is no choice at all because Theological inevitable is distinctly described as being separate from who Adam is.
Which is dreadful! Adam is American Dennis the Menace - he sometimes get Into Mischief and Breaks A Vase or Ruins A Garden but he’ll still hang out being a friend to a lonely old coot - when he ought to be much closer to the British Dennis the Menace - an monster of a child who spent most of his seventy years of existence essentially bullying gay kids (”softies”) but also, now and again, when the moon’s aligned, showed a Heart of Gold under his menacing exterior. Adam didn’t need to be BritDennis, but he damn well needed some kind of edge to him - a REAL edge, not ‘well he can be bossy’ or ‘he had devilment in his eyes’ or ‘he could be thoughtless.’ Adam needed to have scenes of him being a little shithead: not killing pets, but at least being spiteful or snide or capable of sin. In To Kill A Mockingbird Jem destroys Mrs. Dubose's flowers in a fit of pique. That’s something. Adam?
Nothing.
So there’s nothing to hang the tension on, and any time to book has any anxiety about Adam’s moral character it rings hollow, because Adam is fundamentally decent and good and nothing so much as feints at the idea that any part of him might be otherwise.
Plus, to bring it back to the prophecies being useless, Adam gets upset about the state of the world because he borrows some of Anathema’s Save The Wales magazines, which he would never have been able to do had the Book not made her go to Tadfield in the first place. Now the book has a certain “Butterfly Flaps Its Wings” mindset - sometimes it’s the little things that put big things and motion.
But it’s muddled, because it implies that Armageddon is nothing but a last-minute whim of a mercurial child: which is great for when the plot of your book is a deconstruction of the idea of Inevitability, but a bit rubbish when the OTHER major theme of your book is that human evil is in ordinary narrow-mindedness. The idea of a story where everything builds up to Armageddon - but Armageddon fails to arrive like an eschatological Godot, (leaving everyone standing around a bit puzzled) is a great theme for an ironic novel. But it clashes again and again with the theme of the book’s first half- that humanity is more creatively terrible and kindly virtuous than any devil and or angel could hope to be. The corollary of that ought to be that when Armageddon arrives it is precisely because of that human fallibility.
Having all this build up and have it massively fizzle out can work, when written right - The Real Treasure Was The Friendships You Made is always funny when handled correctly. But Good omens builds up to things and drops them half a dozen times in the finale, which ends up not seemingly like comedic point but an inability by two authors to "bring the story home” and tie any of their threads together.
I mean take the actual act of Armageddon itself: when Adam starts making the world go doo-lally, we keeping hearing reports of the world getting more agitated: we can see the shape of Armageddon begin to emerge, but because we’re still clever buggers and have read our Eliot we know that what’s likely to break the world isn’t going to be bang but a whimper: General John Amerioman gets off the phone agitated by a telemarketers, years at his secretary until she cries so she forgets to inform him that President McSmith called and because he didn’t call her back the President fails to get the advice she needs and makes a foolish error that pisses-over the Russian president who is then gets petty about something else and on down the line until a series of understandable but critical failures of empathy - don’t yell at your secretary, don’t cold-call people about duct cleaning - sets the table for the nuclear. That Adam stops it is because he shares that same fallibility and knows that punishing humanity for it as a requirement for Divine Inevitability would be unconscionable.
But when Armageddon arrives, humanity has literal dick-all to do with it. We get this lovely buildup with the Four Horsemen the entire book - Revelation says they will be present at the Day of judgement so its time to get the band back together. The narrative of the book fixates of the Four Horseman’s ride to the airbase, with the understanding that once they arrive Armageddon will begin because everyone is congregating on that place at this time.
So the Four Horseman arrive and... and the disguise themselves as some generals to get on the base, they break into a computer vault, and then... Jesus, War personally fucks with a computer and then Pollution personally corrodes the counter measure systems with Death and Famine stand around and watch (so much bloody standing around watching the plot happen in the part of the book) them do it, at which point all the nuke silos all over the world open up and countdown begins.
What.
THE FUCK?
Humanity is irrelevant to the end of the world, exception in the broadest sense where they had these destructive weapons in the first place. But they also had extensive security systems that the book notes are really good until Two Supernatural Beings Broke In And Destroyed Them. There is no human element in Armageddon: all that chatter on the radio about rising tensions and increased stress? Meaningless. The book’s whole point about evil lurking in the hearts of every ordinary person - that really anyone is capable of being good or evil on a given day, and that one angry secretary is as capable of starting the end times because of a telemarketer as any raving dictator with their finger on the button? Irrelevant. As much as War and Pollution are said to be mere embodiments of humanity’s failings, existing solely in ‘THE MINDS OF MAN” (baffling in and of itself had Pestilence not been swapped-out for Pollution, because lets be honest that would have meant waving a hand at everything from the Black Death to AIDS and calling its source moral failing which what the fuck, T&N?), they’re all actually characters with agency and personality and will. Which means within the context of what’s happening Armageddon is caused by two characters going out of their way to FORCE it to happen.
(It’s! Shit!
The book right here? Shit. All the keen oft-comedic insight as to the nature of the human condition is throw away in this moment. A book that seems so devoted to making a reader think seriously about complacency, about letting evil slip on by because its not wearing a big scary mask (and god how prescient that seems in times like these - how horrible correct it was that we were complacency in the 80s and the 90s and didn’t notice the evil rising all around us), drops the ball here and doesn’t require humanity for its climax.
"I don't see what's so triflic about creating people as people and then gettin' upset 'cos they act like people," said Adam severely. "Anyway, if you stopped tellin' people it's all sorted out after they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive.”
That’s a great sentiment, Adam. Only nobody is this moment is cross about people acting like people because nobody had - the world nearly ended because some Non-people willingly broke shit. Also, in the context of the novel - it being détente and glasnost and the Tear Down This Wall speech and Zhao Ziyang making reforms in China and on and on - as far as anyone could tell people WERE working it out. The book notes this explicitly, in fact:
“...reports available to us would seem to, uh, indicate an increase in international tensions that would have undoubtedly been viewed as impossible this time last week when, er, everyone seemed to be getting on so nicely.”
Again: Armageddon isn’t caused by people. So when Adam tells Heaven that if they just back off people might be able to sort things out for themselves, well... they seemed to have been doing just that, book.You yourself said so. And the end times were brought about by non-human actors.)
So Adam and his friends confront the Horseman and “defeat” them through some last minute cosplay. Why? No clue. The imagery is great but I don’t know why they do it - the Four Horseman are heralds of the end times, and perhaps its chorus, but now they’re villains that need to be defeated I guess (even though Adam fixes what they did with a wave of his hand anyway). Newt and Anathema arrive on the scene because Agnes Nutter told them to, and they get to the computer, and now maybe poor bumbling Newt is going to have to fix a computer when he’s only ever broken them while Anathema... stands there Jesus God... except... except Adam waves his hand and fixes the computer making Newt’s presence irrelevent.
Well, still, more book to go, maybe they can pull something good out of this. Armageddon may have fizzled out, but it’s still The Day of Judgement and the Last Battle. Newt and Anathema might not have fixed the computer, but the are here at the airbase, and they make the most of it by doing nothing, providing nothing, and being needed for nothing. Shadwell and Madame Tracey are there - Shadwell is the vessel for Aziraphale, and once he’s out he stands at the sides with A&C and prepares to march with them on the combined hordes of hell and heaven. Except that that doesn’t matter because Adam makes a gesture and gives a nice speech that’s sadly unrelated to to the world as described by Good Omens up to this point, and the Hordes of Heaven and Hell shuffle their feet and decided to go home for a bit to have a good long think about some things ha ha ha how droll. And the Then, oh no, SUDDENLY Satan himself appears - I guess its time to take our issues to upper management, surely Godot- I mean God - will come to and - oh, nope, Adam waved his hand again and its just Mr. Young in his shitty car (that really should have been a Wasabi what the heck, T&N?).
It’s anti-climatic. I don’t mean from a standpoint of dramatic irony, I mean everything falls apart in the book as the story comes to a screeching halt. Here you have a reasonable collection of painfully ordinary people (hella white and straight people, but its 1990 we’re not terribly woke yet) - not Generals, not Presidents or Prime Ministers, not Corporate Titans or Dictators or anyone “Important” - just ordinary people present at the End of the World. And what is it in the ineffable plan that requires all these people’s presence at the End Times?
Nothing really.
Just think about this for a moment. Think about what OUGHT to have happened here. Not a battle, not a fight, not a war - we know from Endgame how disappointing it is to have to sit through a big dumb set piece battle that nobody seems to want: boring slog. No, what OUGHT to have happened is the power of humanity: that these ordinary nobodies come together and halt the end times, make the Legions of Heaven & Hell see - if not reason - then at least reconsider what’s happening, or even confront Satan himself not with the virtue of Saints but simply because they have what made Aziraphale and Crowley fall in love with the Earth the way they did: the charm of humanity. If an angel and a demon can both be redeemed by the love of humanity’s virtues and vices, its deeps and faults, then why couldn’t Satan himself do the same?
Well, because Adam fixed everything with a few hand waves and a pissy speech so that’s all that solved. nobody but him needed to be there - not even A&C, who just end up commenting on the action while standing around like everyone else.
It’s barmy. No wonder my brain erased it, choosing to remember the book at its best when it was still scaled to humanity. The book ends up having failed to make any of its points stick - the ordinary evil men do has nothing to do with Armageddon so its probably not something we should be terrible concern about - that just us loveable old humans doing as humans do. We learn that if Heaven and hell just stepped back and let people talk things out maybe the world would get better - but that was the case at the start of the book (prologue notwithstanding), and nothing that happened in the book adjusted that in any way.It has a point to make about the unfairness of Moral duality in Theology - except that Adam is parodically virtuous and contains no real evil so.. yeah, Good is great, actually, what was the point you were making, book? The book has a point to make about the value of ordinary people: if you need someone to stand around and observe shit get ordinary people, they’re great last standing around and not meaningfully doing anything.
And don’t even get me started on things like Anathema’s passivity. Look at her character: she passively lives her life by the prophecies until the day after the End Times Newt says ‘hey do you want to be a descendent for the rest of your life’ and Anathema has an epiphany - Oh, No, I Don’t, I Want to Live my Own life On Its Own Terms - and then they burn the sequel Agatha wrote instead of following it.
But that’s… aaargh, Jesus, so many problems with that. The moment of epiphany is meaningless because if Agnes-The-Prophet (who would presumably have known that her manuscript was to be burnt) hadn’t sent it, Anathema was free anyways and would have had to live her life as such regardless. You could argue ‘but this way it becomes an active choice rather than a passive acquiescence to something she can’t change’ but the problem is that her decision isn’t rooted in anything except a comment Newt makes. Nothing happened to Anathema that has in any way affected her relationship to Agnes Nutter or her life as a decedent: in the book Anathema talks a lot about prophecies, lends a kid some magazine, boinks a guy who crashed his car, takes him to a military base, does nothing while watching the world end, goes home and boinks the guy again, and then has her memories of a large portion of the last day or so erased by the Anti-Christ. So when Newt asks ‘do you want to be a professional decedent all your life” why would she say “no”? She’s spent her life devoted to the prophecies, even become a watch as some kind of career, and what sense do we have in the story that she is dissatisfied with that? The only disappointment we get is that she’s kind of let down by Newt being not terribly handsome - but that’s Newt’s issue, not Agnes’. The book wants Anathema to realize that she is now ‘free” of living by prophecy - but she doesn’t ever give the sense that she feels imprisoned by prophecy. She seems to feel like its a mark of distinction, and nothing over the last day - even the shit she can’t remember - has done anything to change that.
There’s a version of this story where Anathema repeatedly demonstrates that she feels powerless in life: that all her choices were chosen for her, even something as outré as becoming a witch, and so when Newt asks her that question she looks back over the events of the last few days - or even her life - and makes the decision to say ‘no’ as a natural extension of her recent experiences. In this version of the book she and Newt would have to have actively made choices at the airbase of their own free will in contradiction of what Agnes said MUST and WILL happen, and because they did that things are better than Agnes said they would be.
But that doesn’t happen, and instead we get the version where Anathema burns the sequel because Newt’s in her life now and having a man to point out the obvious is what all women need. That’s not what the book is trying to say but this-time-round that’s how it read to me. If Newt had had to run up to London for a couple days and she got the manuscript in the mail she would have kept it, because why wouldn’t she?
(Gosh, Newt. One last point: I hated Newt. Maybe ‘schlubbly ordinary dope who gets the girl’ was revolutionary in 1990 but thirty years of pathetic nerd heroes getting the girl have left me only able to focus on the pathetic. He gets to be the the Jen to Anathema’s Kira - a completely useless dolt who gets lead around by a capable woman who knows everything and has all the skills but he still gets to be The Hero because, well, he’s the dude. He gets to bumble around the missile computers at the climax at the book, framed as a hero while Agetha stands there and pleads with him to fix things. He spends his time getting horny for Anathema and thinking sadboy ‘maybe I’ll get to touch a girl for once’ crap - which made my skin crawl oh sweet Jesus.
Basically just fuck that guy and his whiny Pitiful Loser Nerd attitude.)
Look, when the book is good, it is SO GOOD. “Shadwell hated all Southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole” is one of the great lines of literature. Famine and the dieting meals that kill you? Genius. The individual prophecies of Agnes? Wonderful. Shadwell seeing her in a vision (which, alas, comes to nothing because Shadwell having a change of heart about witches comes to nothing really)? Poignant. The Hell’s Angels? Wonderous. The incredible, perfect, oh god I adore is so much defence of the virtues of Rural English life at its best - full of foibles, yes, painfully human, yes, liable to contain shitty old Tories who put people into power who’ll plow it all under for suburbs, yes - but yet, at the same time, wonderful, too. Worth preserving. Worth fighting for. yes yes a thousand times yes let’s seeing a song about it:
youtube
Sure, some of the stuff hasn’t aged well (there’s a bit abut First Nations people that comes to mind), but most of it has - and some of it as bold for its time as it remains now. I frequently found myself thinking “this book is much too complicated for Tumblr” - the Tumblr world of Good or Bad doesn’t really have room for Shadwell, the indiscriminate racist with the heart of gold. Parts like that had me shaking with laughter - I can still recite whole scenes to you with manic glee.
But the ending is a mess. It’s bad, actually - just outright bad. The book starts great. It ends terribly. It’s a crushing disappointment to go back too - and when I heard the story on the show was going to be super-faithful to the books I went “shit - but the book’s a bit rubbish on the story front. All the good bits are the characters interacting and the side stories and comedic asides - the actual story is a confusing mess.” That’s why I hope Neil Gaiman brought the writing chops that gave us The Doctor Wife and not, y’know, Nightmare in Silver.
In conclusion: man I remember Good Omens being a whole lot better.
(Also, I remember more of Adam’s Gang having more to do, and they didn’t, and they’re all great and that’s a shame.)
#good omens#terry pratchett#neil gaiman#Aziraphale#Crowley#Adam young#Shadwell#Death#War#Pollution#Famine#Satan#Anathema Device#newton pulsifer#madame tracey#Armageddon#long post#Agnes Nutter#Discworld#the golden compass#tolkien#classics
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‘THE HOBBIT’ FIC RECOMMENDATIONS - My Personal Favorites
I couldn’t think of a way to better enjoy Hobbit Day than to pay a little tribute to just a small sample of some of the amazing stories this fandom is lucky enough to be gifted with. There are many fics I’ve left out and will be adding to this list many times over before I’m done with it. Please feel free to let me know of any of your favorites that you think I might’ve missed as well!
It would not be impertinent to say this is less of fic rec post and more a love letter to this fandom.
NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY by perkynurples
Summary: Bilbo Baggins led a rather peaceful life, thank you very much, until an old acquaintance decided to turn it upside down, and he found himself agreeing to take a job that’s… let’s say not exactly up his alley, and might eventually cost him a little more than his treasured cozy lifestyle. Who would have thought tutoring a slightly menacing monarch’s more than slightly overbearing nephew could prove to be such an adventure? Bagginshield. Modern AU. King and I overtones. Novel-Length.
Thoughts: This was either the second or third Hobbit fic I ever read, and I honestly couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve re-read it. It was the first fic I ever added to my ebook reader just so I could read it whenever I wanted, and honestly, I could write an essay. The world building, the character study, the plot: it’s out of this world. I’ve read published novels that only had me a quarter as impressed as this story, and I wish I could pay money for it because I would buy multiple copies.
THE NAMING OF HOBBITS by Margo_Kim
Summary: There's a certain point where you can no longer ask someone what their name is. Thorin isn't sure exactly when that point is, but he knows that it's probably some time before the person in question saves your life. On the far side of the Misty Mountains, Thorin realizes that he never quite caught the first part of Mr. Baggins' name, and he finds that it's astonishingly harder to learn than he would have thought. Fili, Kili, and Dwalin are no help whatsoever. Bagginshield. Humor.
Thoughts: This is not a long drawn out romance, but rather a short humorous getting together story and honest to god it is unfathomable how many times I have read and re-read it at this point. I could almost quote it word for word.
THE ROAD DELIVERED US HOME by keelywolfe
Summary: In the years since Bilbo left Erebor, he has lost his respectability, gained a nephew, and gotten on with life at Bag End. He'd left aside adventure for the comforts and peace of his little Hobbit hole, and for the love of a child who needed him. Though perhaps, adventures can yet find him. Bagginshield. Cannon-ish compliant. Shire courting.
Thoughts: One of the first Bagginshield fics I ever read and most definitely one of the first to make me fall in love with the pairing. A tinge of angst sprinkled upon piles and piles of fluffiness like you’ve never seen before. The pining is above and beyond and the conclusion is so satisfying it’ll leave you feeling smug for days afterward.
A MOST SENSIBLE IDEA by HildyJ
Summary: Bilbo Baggins isn't sure about this. Not one bit.
Frodo is definitely too young to enter into an arranged marriage with a dwarven king called Thorin Oakenshield. It's a good thing that Bilbo is there to chaperone him through their courtship.
After all, there's no chance that a fussy hobbit bachelor would ever catch the eye of a king. Bagginshield. AU. Erebor Courting.
Thoughts: In my slightly snobby opinion, very few Bagginshield fics get Frodo right. This is not one of those stories. The juxtaposition of Thorin and Frodo’s relationship with Thorin and Bilbo’s is fantastic, and the way they just can’t not be intrigued with each other makes this one of my favorite Bagginshield stories.
MY FAIR HOBBIT by Erinye
Summary: Take a dragon and get rid of it, take a Kingdom under the Mountain and let it thrive under Thráin’s rule, take the King’s eldest son - as proud and arrogant as you can picture him - and then send him to the Shire in order to refine his diplomatic skills. Or, as his sister puts it: to grow them at last. Now, throw in the Master of Bag End playing host for the dwarf prince: you’ll get a clash of cultures, an ill-advised bet about educating a certain hobbit in the dwarf-lore, and all the pride and prejudice business you could hope for, plus Khuzdul.
A retelling inspired by My Fair Lady. Bagginshield. AU. Shire & Erebor love. Novel length.
Thoughts: Thorin is such a shit in this story, and you can’t help but love him. The way they come together is slow and fraught but so believable and it romances me every time I re-read it. Great story to read if you love fleshed out characters who you want to hit over the head and smoosh their faces together at the same time.
UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED by mortuus_lingua
Summary: "My dear Mr. Baggins," she replied, "how can you be so tiresome! You must know that I am thinking of one of these unmarried king or princes marrying at least one of our Bagginses, and why not my Bilbo? He’s the prime of the lot."Smaug is defeated without the recruitment of a burglar, and several delegations, including one from the Shire, are invited to Thorin's public, official coronation. Bilbo, scribe, and bachelor, travel to Erebor with fourteen other Hobbits, embarking on an adventure that will change not only his destiny but those of many in Middle-earth. Or, the attempted Hobbit / Pride and Prejudice mashup that nobody asked for. Not to worry, knowledge of the plot of Pride and Prejudice is not necessary to understand this story. Bagginshield. AU. Courting Fic. Erebor Courting Fic. Lots of Hobbits.
Thoughts: I was very leery of this fic at first because I thought it might be just a standard Pride and Prejudice remake. To paraphrase a certain dwarf, I had never been so wrong in all my life. It blends the Regency life so well with the world of Tolkien that I was swooning. It seems to hit every single one of my favorite tropes of the bagginshield fandom (Bamf!Bilbo, enemiesToFriends, fleshed out OC’s, and MadBofurRespect, etc) but in a new and lovely light. It’s very Hobbit dense as well, which was refreshing and fun to read. I just can’t recommend this story enough.
COMES AROUND AGAIN by scarletjedi
Summary: Gimli closes his eyes, an old Dwarf on the brink of death in the home he had built with his husband in the Undying Lands, and opens them again as a young Dwarf in his childhood home in Ered Luin. He's returned to the tumultuous week before The Company set out to recruit their Burglar from his cosy hobbit hole. Gimli, once again an impetuous teen in the eyes of his family, must get into that Company--the lives of his loved ones, and the very fate of Middle Earth--depends on it. Gimli/Legolas. Bilbo/Thorin. TimeTravel-fix it.
Thoughts: I’m a big sucker for retellings of cannon, and this one is just lovely. I’m always leery of established relationship tags, but this story does the pining so well it feels like you get both for the price of one. Scarletjedi is also one of those authors who I would recommend reading through their entire catalog as well because there is not a dud amongst them.
A REMOVER OF OBSTACLES by MistakenMagic
Summary: "Dis often chided her older brother for being a misanthropist. She did it so often it had become a term of endearment. It was true that Thorin struggled with people; he struggled to form and maintain relationships. Dr. Grey had diagnosed him with this and Thorin hadn’t the heart to tell him this wasn’t a symptom of his PTSD, it was a symptom of his personality. He exercised a sense of apathy with almost everyone he met… But Bilbo was different. Thorin actually found himself wanting to know more about him." Bagginshield. Novel Length 300k+. Modern AU.
Thoughts: A long story, that is going take up a week or two of your life, beat you up and wring you out, and you’re going to enjoy every minute of it.
A PASSION FOR MUSHROOMS by Chrononautical
Summary: There are many trials for a hobbit attempting to make a life among dwarves. A hobbit wants a garden. A hobbit wants to eat regular meals. A hobbit wants friends, good books, and comfortable chairs. Bilbo does his best to carve out a little hobbit life for himself in the mountain. If only there were not one final obstacle. For a hobbit heart wants love, and among dwarves that is a sticky subject. Bagginshield. Post BOFTA-fix it. Erebor Courting.
Thoughts: Oblivious pining idiots? Misunderstood courting? A fleshed out post-Bofta Erebor? Mushrooms?? What more could you want?
OAK AND MISTLETOE by HildyJ
Summary: After a life dominated by a strange form of sickness, Thorin is sent to the Shire to seek a cure only Bilbo Baggins can offer. Bagginshield. AU. Shire.
Thoughts: Pretty much all of HildyJ’s stories are a must read, but ‘Oak and Mistletoe’ remains’ my favorite. It’s a perfect rainy day read, that I’ve read so many times it’s become almost a habit. It’s a very deep character study into both Bilbo and Thorin and it’s impossible to not fall in love with both of them each time I read it.
SECOND CHANCES by authoressjean
Summary: Sebastian Moran can't pull the trigger on John Watson to save his own hide, and what the hell is it with the doctor, anyway? Then Gandalf shows up, meddlesome wizard, and reminds him none too gently of his past life: as Thorin Oakenshield, leader of a company that had once included a small hobbit named Bilbo Baggins. One that looked decidedly like John Watson. And this would be the perfect chance to make things right with Bilbo the way he really hadn't been able to before he died, and that's when Gandalf tells him John doesn't remember being Bilbo, and to leave him alone.
Right. Like that's going to happen. Bagginshield. Modern AU/Sherlock crossover.
Thoughts: I’ve never in all my 15+ years of fandom, ever, enjoyed crossover fics. It’s just not my bag. Which is why my love of this story completely caught me off guard. Even if you’re like me and you can’t stand the thought of it, I still recommend you give this a shot.
BURNED TO CINDER by ferretbaby
Summary: A Cinderella-esque AU. Bilbo, a lonely hobbit of the Shire in the valley outside Erebor, gets a job as a cook in the dwarf kingdom to pass the time and keep himself occupied after his mother’s death. One day he meets a regal dwarf, who he thinks is a thief and trespasser, and throws an apple at his head, never knowing he’s just assaulted the dwarven Prince. Thus begins the antagonistic and somewhat odd courtship of a hobbit and the next King of Erebor. Bagginshield. Cinderella AU. Erebor & Shire courting. Hidden Identity.
Thoughts: Unf. Just a superbly fun little AU that cannot be skipped over. The last chapter is missing but you really don’t need it to still feel satisfied at the ending. Has some extremely hot moments and some extremely lovely ones as well. Thorin is an absolute cad, but he eventually comes into his own.
AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT by Wizards_Pupil
Summary: ““This is a trinket I was given at your birth. I have never shown you it as the time was not right before now.” Thrain opened his palm to reveal a golden band. It was smoothed by touch and unadorned. Not spectacular, but Thrain would hardly hold onto such a trinket if it was not worth something.
“The wizard who gave it to me was quite adamant that you should have it when you were of age.” The king held it out to Thorin. The metal was cool to the touch, but quickly warmed up in the heat of his hand. He ran his fingers along it and nearly shuddered. He could feel it throbbing, nearly vibrating with a strange sort of energy.
“This ring is not meant for you to wear, of course. It is too small for you. This ring is made to fit only the person that will be your Sanzeuh. You have thirty days in which to find him.”Thirty days. Thirty days to find something as ridiculous as true love, or he'd have to marry a beardless, nagging dwarrowdame. Thorin Oakenshield didn't think it could happen.
And then Bilbo Baggins popped into his life. Though, Thorin could have done without the cats, shoes, and girly bits. Still, the course of true love never has run smooth. And the peppers were delightful.” Bagginshield. AU. Erebor Courting.
Thoughts: Such a fantastic courting story. I’m always initially leery of AU’s but this keeps them so close to their actual personalities to make it exciting and new while still letting you bask in their familiarness. It’s such an original idea touching so close to the tip of so many other cliche’s while missing them enough to be something totally new on it’s own. Not to mention, Bilbo’s and Thorin’s flirting is top notch in this. Can’t recommend enough!
THE DEEPEST SECRET by Wizards_Pupil
Summary: Bilbo Baggins was a desperate Hobbit.
Well, he was several things. Short, funny, hungry, and tired for starts. Desperate was at the forefront of his mind at the moment.
He would never be at Oakenshield Manor otherwise. Still, they needed a gardener, and as much as he didn'tknow about dwarves, he did know about plants.
Bilbo expected it to be difficult. Dwarves were hardly known to be the most accepting and open of races after all. He expected the garden to be in terrible shape, the dwarves to be loud, and secretive.
He could never have expected Thorin. Bagginshield. AU.
Thoughts: While the author has stated that this was not specifically a Jane eyre-Au it definitely has a similar feel. It’s just as haunting and just as lovely. There are constant surprises to keep you on your toes, and Thorin and Bilbo are both absolutely delicious in this. I’ve re-read it an untold amount of times.
LOVE-IN-IDLENESS by perkynurples
Summary: Taking Bilbo Baggins, a successful movie actor who is only just getting used to the perks and intricacies of becoming A Face People Want To See, and putting him together with Thorin Oakenshield, with his very traditional (read: slightly backwards) ideas about what constitutes Real Art and Real Talent, might very well be viewed as just some clothead’s idea of a joke. But there are jokes, and then there are carefully calculated risks the size of controversial reproductions of classic Shakespearean plays - for Bilbo, it is the chance of a lifetime to prove himself to all those who have ever deemed him too one-dimensional to even attempt stage, while Thorin has the opportunity to get out of the rut that’s been hindering his career for so long now, and shine in a role worthy of his talent once again. That is if the two learn how to share the same space for more than ten minutes without wanting to tear each other’s hair out. The course of true love never did run smooth, after all… Bagginshield. Modern Au. Novel Length.
Thoughts: I feel like every fandom in the world has that one Modern AU that boils down that pairing to its very essence and then wraps it up into an entirely new package and delivers it gift wrapped to you. This is that story. It has nothing to do with Tolkein’s world, but instead gives you an entirely new plot set in the real relatable world. Still, the characters, their motivations, and even the plot are so close to the real story that it feels like an honor getting to read it.
A DRAGON’S TALE by vtforpedro
Summary: Bilbo Baggins has been a hobbit for many long years and he should very much like to keep it that way, thank you very much.
An old friend drops by Bag End with the offer of an adventure and despite Bilbo's refusal, the idea of only thirteen dwarves and a wizard facing a dragon may just convince him yet. After all, he has experience with the Great Dragons of the North. Once upon a time, he was one. Bagginshield. AU. BilboIsADragon!
Thoughts: First Dragon!Bilbo story and still one that I re-read again and again.
TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF THE FUTURE by authoressjean
Summary: "Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel
In an attempt to get the Arkenstone back for Thorin, Bilbo discovers the ring he's been using is the One Ring. Seized by a need to destroy gold, especially gold with the ability to ensnare creature and king alike, he sets out alone for Mordor. Anything to forget about the love that gold cost him. What he doesn't know is that Thorin is no longer under the thrall of gold, and is desperately racing to catch up with him to keep him safe. They may have just started on another adventure, but this one may not end as well as their first quest. Bagginshield. Post Bofta-Fix it. Lotr re-imagining. Novel Length.
Thoughts: These boys break my heart in this story with their palpable pining, but it’s so worth it to see their romance drawn out from the small words of Erebor and the Shire and basically become this grand epic love story that spreads all across Middle Earth.
THE RIVEN CROWN by The_Kingmaker
Summary: ‘We may have won the battle, but I fear the war with winter is just beginning.’
The aftermath of war is no laughing matter. Those who died must be honored, those who are wounded must be healed, and those who remain need food and clothing, peace and sanctuary. With Thorin's life hanging in the balance, it is up to Bilbo and the rest of the Company to rule the rag-tag remnants of Erebor in his place.
Then there is the matter of the gold...
Can Bilbo save both king and kingdom, or is Erebor destined to fall deeper into ruin? Bagginshield. Post-BOFTA. FakeMarriage. Novel Length.
Thoughts: This story really hits all my spots. Pretend Marriage, politics, in-depth story, oblivious and pining idiots. It’s my go-to read after finishing BOFTA to help heal the suffering and give me hope. I love the way they fully utilize the entire cannon world to tell a truly epic romance. Please read this if you get a chance.
LAY YOUR TROUBLES DOWN by Avelera
Summary: An extended version of "the acorn scene." Bilbo sees his chance to snap Thorin out of his madness, and takes it. Bagginshield. BOFTA-fix it.
Thoughts: This was one of the most emotional porns I’ve ever read and I loved every second of it.
SOMETHING BLUE by Lapin
Summary: Thorin marries Bilbo after the Battle of Five Armies, a marriage of convenience, not love. Slowly, they must come to make the best of it, Bilbo resolves. After all, he's a Hobbit. They make the best of things. Bagginshield. Post-Bofta. Pretend Marriage.
Thoughts: Short read and an absolute classic that’s undoubtedly included on every rec list, but I couldn’t not include it. The obliviousness and mutual pining are so delicious you could put in a plate and charge $100 to eat it, and you wouldn’t regret it a bit.
KING, COME RED AT MORNING by Tawabids
Summary: Bilbo has heard fairytales of the lost prince of the dwarves, Thorin son of Thrain, who disappeared the day Smaug attacked the Lonely Mountain. But he does not believe in fairy tales until he comes across the dwarf sleeping in the depths of Erebor, and kisses him back to life.
Now Thorin - a hundred and fifty years out of his time - has to confront a world in which his city is empty, his people scattered, his baby brother Frerin is king, two nephews he's never met are missing in action, and a war is brewing right on his doorstep.
And as if that wasn't complicated enough he's trapped in the body of an old man and falling stupidly in love with a gossipy, grudging little hobbit. Bagginshield. AU. Novel Length. Battle of the Five Armies retelling. Angst.
Thoughts: I put this one off for a while, but it lived up to every promise that the summary and multiple recs had made for it. Young Thorin is definitely a joy to read, and both his and Bilbo’s struggles never stop being so very painfully relatable. Prepare yourself for the angst though, as it’s almost palpable, but it’s definitely a must read.
PRAYERS TO BROKEN STONE by Avelera
Summary: Twisted by the effects of dragon sickness, Thorin banishes not only Bilbo but the entire company from Erebor. Days pass with no word from their missing leader and, fearing the effects the gold may have on the other dwarves, Bilbo decides to enter the mountain alone in search of Thorin.
What he finds may not be Thorin for much longer.
Or: In which the dragon sickness is slowly transforming Thorin into a dragon, and Bilbo must save him before it is too late. Bagginshield. BOFTA-Fix it. Angst.
Thoughts: This fic was made to hurt me when I need it the most. If I could draw, the cover of this story would just be Thorin stabbing me over and over again in the chest. It also has inspired me so much I ended up writing an entire DnD campaign because of it. Please read it if you have not.
GARDENING by The Feels Whale (miscellea)
Summary: Bilbo Baggins arrived home late one afternoon in the middle of the week and the entire west Farthing is still talking about it.
Poor Mister Baggins. He was doomed to be a nine-days wonder no matter what and is it any wonder after a year-long adventure? Even the Tooks haven’t the influence to hush that up, but Mad Baggins seems to have managed to silence every tongue in the Shire on that subject which would be awe-inspiring ...if not for the way he decided to go about it.
OR: That one where Middle Earth seems to be unclear about where baby Hobbits come from. Bagginshield. M-Preg-ish.
Thoughts: To say that I’m not a fan of M-preg is a bit of an understatement, but the way this story handles it never squicked me out once. It’s heartwarming and angsty all in one and I enjoy it every time I re-read it.
Tamâmebrulu Id-Mudtu (Lullabies of the Heart) by rutobuka
Summary: As it turns out, even kings catch colds. After the reclamation of Erebor, Thorin finds himself confined to his bed. Luckily, his dear friend Bilbo Baggins is on hand to ensure he complies with Óin's strict orders for rest. (A multi-chapter Bagginshield comic). Bagginshield. Comic.
Thoughts: I doubt there is anyone in the Bagginshield fandom who has not seen ruto’s art or stories, but just in case you need to go check out everything of her’s right the heck now. Her art is basically Bagginshield cannon, and her fem!Bagginshield stories are the best ever written.
OF WARM IMPERMANENCE by Avelera
Summary: Thorin realizes he has gained weight since moving to the Shire, and tries to hide it from Bilbo out of shame and uncertainty of whether it will damage their relationship.Of course Bilbo finds out and, far from disappointed, he’s fairly certain he’s never been so turned on in his life. Bagginshield. Smut. Shire living.
Thoughts: I’m not sure is ruto’s art or this story were the beginning of my obsession with Chubby Thorin, but it definitely had a hand it.
BLESS YOUR SOLES by freakylemurcat
Summary: Feet were sacred to dwarves, and Thorin had always done his best to adhere to the rules and keep his feet to himself. And then comes along Bilbo Baggins with his ever bare feet, and Thorin suddenly finds he can't think of anything else. Bagginshield. Smut.
Thoughts: Just the best little smutty store that we all need but don’t deserve.
LADY IN RED by windchijmes
Summary: Dwalin and Thorin are traveling together, and they find themselves in a ridiculous situation where Thorin has to disguise himself as a woman at a tavern. The effect is more interesting than they both expect - Thorin is openly leered at and propositioned and he fumes about it, while Dwalin enjoys himself playing the big, bad protector of his lady's innocence. But of course, the tension gets too much, and Dwalin drags Thorin away, hikes up his skirt, and fucks him against a tree. Thwalin. Pre-Journey. Smut.
Thoughts: Lovely little Thwalin smut fic that I can’t get enough of. Short, less than 10k, but I bookmarked for a damn good reason, and that reason is that it’s HOT and you should definitely give it a read.
THE EMPTY BELLIES DINING SOCIETY by sam_ptarmigan
Summary: Bilbo and Dwalin have two things in common: an appreciation for good meals and a case of unrequited love for a certain oblivious king. The only sensible thing to do is form a supper club. Bilbo/Thorin/Dwalin. Short.
Thoughts: After reading a thousand bagginshield fics there was nothing that I craved more than a good, solid, OT3 fics with these three and this one always hits the spot. The pining is on point, and Dwalin is so fantastically done. Even if you’re leary of reading an OT3 you should still give this bad boy a chance. And then hopefully you’ll fall in love with this pairing and write it because good god I need some more of it.
SMELL THE SEA AND FEEL THE SKY by Thorinsmut
Summary: Captain Dwalin - a privateer for the Crown - is in love with beautiful, sweet, innocent Lady Norine.
His main rival (whom he is most definitely not in lust with) is the cockiest little man he ever met - Captain Vulpes, a pirate with a fast mongrel of a ship and a bad habit of stealing his targets out from under his nose
....it's going to take him a while to realize they're the same genderfluid person.
Thoughts: If this story doesn’t make you fall in love Nori/Dwalin, you’re just absolutely doing something wrong with your life.
LITTLE INDULGENCES by sam_ptarmigan
Summary: Dwalin is not entirely certain how he ended up propped up against a tree with his trousers down and Dori kneeling in front of him, but he's pretty sure good things are about to happen. Dwalin/Dori. SMUT
Thoughts: To call this a rare-pair is pretty self-evident but the porn is 11/10 and deserves to be read by everybody.
AND OF COURSE...
SANSUKH by determamfidd
Summary: The battle was over, and Thorin Oakenshield awoke, naked and shivering, in the Halls of his Ancestors. The novelty of being dead fades quickly, and watching over his companions soon fills him with grief and guilt. Oddly, a faint flicker of hope arises in the form of his youngest kinsman, a Dwarf of Durin's line with bright red hair. (Follows the story of the War of the Ring). Bagginshield. Gigolas. Cannon Compliant. LOTR retelling. 500k+. Not finished.
Thoughts: I don’t know what I could say about Sansukh that hasn’t been said a million times before but I just can’t repeat enough how much this story needs to be read. I know that seeing 500K words and WIP is going to scare a lot of people off - as it did me for a long time - but you’re just gonna have to put on your big girl panties and dive on in anyway and you will not regret a second of it. It will honestly raise your standard of what you think fanfiction can be for the rest of your life and this is not a bad thing. If you’re still not convinced, here’s a very impassioned post that will help give you that final push: here.
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tagged by @lucypcvensie uwu thanks for putting up with my weirdo self ily <3
How tall are you? 5′2
What color and style is your hair? lots of people say my hair’s a light brown, but hair stylists say it’s a dark blonde so I’ll trust their judgement // my hair’s curly
What color are your eyes? blue (with these little flecks of gold right around the irises, you can only see them if you look real close)
Do you wear glasses? I have glasses, don’t necessarily wear them all the time
Do you wear braces? I used to, but I developed root resorption and had to get them off early (spring of 2017) so now none of my teeth toouch except for in the very back :( makes it really hard to eat samiches (yes that’s how I like to spell sandwiches fight me)
What’s your fashion sense? so I don’t count most days as my fashion sense bc I wear athleisure ish allllllll the time out of laziness, but when I do make an effort I have two ends of things bc I’m androgynous. so on a day when I’m feeling more masculine you’re gonna see me in a sporty-type-look (spandex, just barely sagging joggers, a graphic tee, my gold chain and jordans, I usually pull my hair into a ponytail and lay my edges), but on a day when I feel more feminine you’re gonna see me in some tried-and-true type of clothes (cute shirt, leggings, heels, jewelry, makeup did, hair down and [hopefully] acting right), but on a day when I’m feeling in-between I’ll try to experiment or be “edgy” (basically mixing and matching or trying something I saw a celebrity do and thought was cute). regardless of any style I’m in, though, you’re always gonna see me with my nails done, whether that means I got acrylics on or that I painted them myself... just know. that’s how we do. and by we I mean me.
Full name? I won’t share my last name, but Eden Amaris (fun fact: amaris can be pronounced two ways!) Is my first and middle
When were you born? December 18, 1999
Where are you from and where do you live now? was born in Federal Way, WA but I consider myself to be from Tacoma, WA as I’ve spent all of my most important years there (early childhood + hs + uni). I now live in Tacoma.
What school do you go to? University of Washington
What kind of student are you? a fucking mess I’m quiet at first, but once I’m comfortable I’m rly talkative and answer so many questions that my teachers will literally stop calling on me unless if there’s no one else lmaooo, I’ve also had several classmates and teachers tell me I should be a teacher and surprise, surprise, I do want to be a teacher for some time
Do you like school? f-f-f-FUCK YEA I LIKE SCHOOL how is that even a question??? to take it down a couple notches, yes, I love school, whether it’s for sports or for learning, I’m always excited to come to school everyday wow what a frickin nerd amirite, frickin loser
Favorite subject? depends on my professor. at this point, I highkey hate all of my classes rn bc I don’t feel like I’m learning anything. that miiight also have something to do with depression and anxiety though so idk what to tell ya man
Favorite tv shows? not a super TV person, but I’m a thot for Steven Universe
Favorite movie? I love tf out of movies, my all time would have to be Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (I just pretend that WftPotA didn’t happen atm bc I hate sm of what happened in it), but in the last few days I’ve watched War Horse (I cried like a bitch lemme tell ya), Secretariat (didn’t cry like a bitch but got teary-eyed) and 42 (I did cry at certain parts but it’s kinda uplifting so ya know, wasn’t super sad) and they were all lovely so if you haven’t seen them yet, go watch them! They’re all free on Netflix
Favorite book? When I was little it was this book called Junket (that thing is older than my grandparents, good lordte), I think some of my favorites rn tho are Heartless by Marissa Meyer and Tales from the Perilous Realm by J.R.R. Tolkien
Favorite past time? a couple months ago you would’ve thought it was crying from how much I did that, but tbh it’s probably drawing, writing, reading, watching movies, listening to music, sewing, spending time/going on adventures with my friends and helping my friends with their lives. I KNOW THAT’S EVERYTHING BUT I CAN’T HELP IT REEEE my most favorite past time atm is helping my friend Charlie clean and organize his room and designing things for his business, also spending time with my favorite little niecey-poo in the WHOLE WORLD OMGOODNESS HERE IS A PICTURE OF HER BEAUTIFUL SELF I LOVE HER SM SHE IS THE SWEETEST MOST CUTEST AND FUNNIEST AND SMARTEST WITTO GIRL EVER AND I LOVE HER <3
Do you have regrets? boy oh boy, do I: taking so long to forgive my abuser (thx for destroying my childhood @ my biological father), procrastinating, not having enough self-love/worth/confidence, being complacent with so many of the friends I used to have, focusing so much on socializing in hs rather than my sports and my schoolwork, being so afraid to just be myself bc I knew most people don’t want to be friends with a weirdo, the list goes on, all I can do now is move past it though so... ohwell.
Dream job? oh SIS get ready for this: sooo I want to own my own business, known as LEAD Revitalization (L for Love, E for Equity, A for Advocacy, D for Diplomacy - these are the core values of my business), which aims to help revitalize underdeveloped and underserved ethnic communities in the US and around the world and fight against gentrification through implementing art of all mediums in or near historic locations in that community that is representative of the demographic living there (so if the area is a primarily black neighborhood, you’re gonna see art depicting black history and culture, and if the area is primarily Asian you’d see Asian history and culture). I won’t get too into it just bc that would make this post way too long, but if anyone’s interested or wants to hear more you can bml ;) like literally bc I’m passionate af about it so I will talk your head off for days on end if given the chance
Would you ever like to be married? yes
Would you like kids? yes
How many? two or three of my own (I’m hoping for a girl and a boy) just so I can have the experience of having kids, but once they’re grown and out of the house I would like to adopt more if I have the resources to. my cousin’s adopted, so like, idk. I think that if you can adopt a kid, you should, bc there’s so many of them just stuck in the foster system and that’s complete bs
Do you like shopping? yes but I usually don’t like getting myself things (unless if we’re talking groceries or something I actually need), I love to buy things for other ppl tho if I can
What countries have you visited? canada for like 3 days technically, I just went to Mt. Whistler for spring snowboarding (that shit hurted) with my aunt bc she paid for the whole thing and my passport
Scariest nightmare you have ever had? TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE - I had a nightmare awhile ago that this guy I used to be involved with raped me, I also used to have recurring nightmares after I stopped going to my biological father’s house for visitation where he would come searching for me trying to kill me and my older brother (he’s tried to kill me 3+ times sooo... it makes sense). so like. fun.
Any enemies? S A T A N and myself, or.... my brain, I guess. idk.
Self-doubt? you betcha
Any significant other? kinda? I’m currently fwb with my ex and still have feelings for him (oopsies), we split bc he was going through shit and needed to figure himself out, I’ve been close to him for a phat minute so I’m not really trippin about it. I also have crushes on other people, but nothing’s presented itself as something worth pursuing yet so. yakno.
Do you believe in miracles? lmao I would fuckin hope so, the very fact that I’m alive rn is a gd miracle so yea
How are you? I am so-so. If we’re just talking about today, I’m prolly fine, but if we’re talking long term, I’ve been going through it. I’m just trying to figure myself out atm, and it’s rough, but I’ll probably get there. My friends think I will, at least.
i tag: @crookedly-rainy @secretpatrolpiespy hi I don’t have any other friends on Tumblr so I tagged my friends from Amino Y E E T
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