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lucienarcheron · 21 days

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Spirit Meets the Bones 12.5 [Bonus Scene]

Author’s Note: This bonus scene would take place around the beginning of chapter 12 as Eris x Iris have started to get to know each other and spend more time together.

shoutout of @abruisedmuse ily for letting me get all SMTB brainrot on you <3

Find it all here.

Eris cleared his throat and breathed deeply before plastering a smirk on his face and knocking on his little brother’s front door.

It took a moment before Lucien opened the door with a blink and then quirked his brow.

“Eris.”

“Lucien.”

“To what do I owe this great pleasure, brother of mine?” Lucien asked as he stepped aside and gestured for Eris to step in.

“As much as I cherish seeing your adorable little face, I’m actually here for your wife.” Eris said, the corner of his mouth turning up. “Elain?!”

Lucien closed the door behind them with an eye roll and followed his brother. “She’s in the garden out back,” he replied dryly. “What do you need from her? Having more wife troubles?”

Eris paused, causing Lucien to knock into him, and turned to glare at his little brother. “I don’t have wife troubles. I would simply like to see my little sister and discuss with her how she’s doing.”

“And ask her about your wife troubles.”

Eris’s glare intensified. “I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

Lucien only smiled. “Pillow barricade still there?”

“The thing you speak of doesn’t exist.”

“Ah, that means it’s still there,” Lucien said, nodding knowingly. “She’s not wooed by your endless charms?”

“She is wooed just fine,” Eris mumbled, scowling. “Mind your business. You’ve barely been mated. Need I remind you of your pining, little brother?”

“Need I remind you that it was mutual and how we’ve been happily mated and married for two years already, big brother?” Lucien replied with an easy smile. “Just admit you’re a terrible husband with no game and I’ll be more than happy to help you.”

“I don’t need your help, you fool,” Eris said with a light shove. “Your mate is the smarter one of you both so if, and this is a big if, I needed assistance with the so-called wife troubles, which I do not have, I would ask Elain.”

Lucien’s mouth slowly turned into a smirk, and then he snorted. “Wow, you must be really terrible in bed.”

It was Eris’s turn to roll his eyes. “It took you two years to get your mate to even talk to you but now you have the nerve to talk about my bedroom skills.”

“You keep deflecting, big brother,” Lucien said with a sigh. “As if you don’t know the exact circumstances of my mate and I. You, on the other hand, must truly be terrible in the bedroom and outside of it for your wife troubles to be this severe. Your visits have increased, I see.”

Eris scoffed. “So? I can’t visit unless I need something? Do you want me to stop visiting?”

“Couldn’t stop you even if I tried,” Lucien said with a laugh. “But we both know you don’t miss me as much as you miss Elain — which I don’t appreciate.”

“Are you jealous of your wife because I like her more than I like you, brother dear?” Eris said with a sarcastic smile.

Lucien rolled his eyes. “No, I just don’t see why she has to deal with your whining constantly. Go whine to your own wife.”

Eris’s smile immediately turned into a scowl as the tip of his ears heated. “Leave my wife out of this.”

“And you wonder why my immediate assessment is how terrible you must be in the sack.” Lucien said with a snort then held up a hand before Eris could reply and asked him with his most serious expression, “You…do know where the clitoris is, right?”

A heartbeat passed and Eris did the only logical thing he could think to do — swing his fist at Lucien’s face.

Lucien ducked with a laugh. “Are you truly swinging at me in my own home?”

“I will break your nose if you say anything else that’s stupid.” Eris seethed.

“You sure your hand will handle punching me? It must be so hard on you after all your alone time. I’m surprised your hand isn’t constantly cramping.”

“I’m sure you’re very familiar with what a cramping hand and limp dick must be like since you had to deal with it for so long.”

Lucien grinned. “I never said anything about a limp dick but now you’re really pulling my sympathies, Eris. Your situation is far worse than I had predicted.” he said and with a most sincere expression, Lucien put a hand over his heart and added, “I’m so sorry for your condition, brother. I’m sure a healer can help.”

Eris snarled and before Lucien could stop him, pulled him in a headlock that quickly turned into Lucien ramming his fist into Eris’s side which would have turned into a downright brawl had light footsteps not entered the room and a throat cleared.

Eris and Lucien both froze, their limbs intertwined as they turned their heads to find Elain standing with hands on her hips and a raised brow.

“Really?” was all she asked then gestured with her hand, exasperated. “Untangle yourselves. Now.”

Shooting each other a glare, the two brothers shoved away from each other.

“Ugly git.”

“Slimy asshole.”

“Rude behavior.” Elain added and held out her hands. “Every time? Every single time?”

“Your husband is very rude.”

“He was being mean to me!”

Elain rolled her eyes. “You’re both mean to each other. I thought we talked about this, hm? Got past it?”

“He talked about my wife!”

“Lucien!” Elain scolded.

“He made fun of our two years of pining!”

“Eris!”

“You walked right into that one, Lucien.”

“You’re the one that started talking about limp dicks, Eris.”

Elain blinked then glanced up towards the ceiling. “Grant me patience, gods,” she mumbled. “Lucien, weren’t you in the middle of something?”

“Yes, I was, my love. I merely wanted to give my big brother a warm welcome,” he said with a grin that Eris responded to with a glare. “Make yourself right at home, limp dick. I can’t wait to give Iris my sympathies in person soon.”

“Oh fuck you.” Eris replied and glared at Lucien’s back as he leaned down to kiss Elain then waltzed out of the room, his middle finger waving goodbye from the air.

“Why are you married to him again?” Eris mumbled as Elain gave him a knowing look and walked over to him.

“Because he has great hair.” she replied with a smile and promptly wrapped her arms around his waist in a tight hug.

“Great hair doesn’t make up for how annoying he is,” Eris replied even as a small smile found its way to his lips, and hugged his little sister in return, squeezing her tight. “How are you, little acorn?”

“Is everyone little to you?” she said with a laugh and pulled away to look at him. “Little acorn, little Lucien, little gazelle?”

At the knowing look Elain gave him, Eris’s shoulders slumped, and he sighed. “I...am having a hard time.”

Elain blinked innocently. “A hard time? I thought it was the opposite problem you were having?”

Eris scowled immediately and Elain giggled. “Your mate is a terrible influence.”

“We both know who the real terrible influence is,” she said with a grin then tugged on his elbow. “Come on back to the garden so we can discuss this in private.”

“You say private when Lucien clearly knows too much already,” Eris mumbled and let Elain drag him outside. “You said you wouldn’t tell him anything.”

“To be fair, I don’t have to tell him. He’s picked up on it and despite the aggressively childish behavior between you two, he cares about you a lot,” she said with a chuckle. “He likes to check in and make sure you’re okay.”

“Or just make fun of me,” Eris grumbled. “He listens in from some open window, doesn’t he?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Elain said brightly and gestured for him to take a seat by the garden.

Eris sulked momentarily, watching as Elain slipped her gloves back on. He pursed his lips and debated saying anything. It wasn’t like anything major had happened. But…

“So.” Elain began carefully, eyeing him. “Did you find out what her favorite flowers are?”

“Carnations. She likes them all but red ones are her favorite.”

Elain blinked then gave him a sly smile. “Do you know what red carnations symbolize?”

“It’s the color of my blood soaking the pillow when she slits my throat.” He deadpanned and Elain shot him a withering look.

“Could you not?”

Eris gave a long-suffering sigh. “What does it mean, Elain?” he asked dully, and Elain chuckled, throwing a weed at him.

“Love.” she sang. “And affection.”

Eris blinked then snorted. “That does not apply here.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know my wife.”

“You’re barely getting to know your wife.”

“But I still know her more than you do at the moment.”

“Sure, but do you know her heart?” she said and batted her eyelashes with a wide smile that immediately had Eris snorting.

“It’s as cold as mine.”

“Well, someone drank his dramatic juice this morning.” she said with an eye roll and Eris scowled. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” he said rather defensively. “I just…”

Elain paused her digging to raise a brow.

“I don’t… like feelings.”

Elain laughed. “No. I would’ve never noticed.”

“Elain.” he said through gritted teeth, crushing the weed in his hand.

“Eris.” his sister-in-law replied with a sweet smile, and he narrowed his eyes at her.

“If you make fun of me, I won’t share things with you.”

“I can call Lucien and have you share things with him instead if you’d like.”

“I would much rather die, thank you very much.”

Elain laughed again and Eris’s lips twitched into a reluctant smile.

“You know, feelings are a part of relationships. A big part, actually.”

Eris sighed. “I know. I still don’t like them.”

“So how are you sharing your interest if you don’t like having or sharing feelings?”

“I’m mostly irresistibly annoying.” he said with his best charming smile and Elain snorted. “Though she is very mean to me in return.”

Elain rolled her eyes and threw another weed at him. “So, you two had your big talk. You’re spending more time together. You seem to be flirting up a storm. What’s the issue?”

Eris pursed his lips and twirled the stem in his hands. It took him a moment before he finally answered. “I…am not sure,” he said. “I am nervous. This makes me nervous. She makes me nervous.”

His sister-in-law only chuckled softly, her hands busy in the dirt though her eyes flickered back up to him. “Is it because it’s going well? You’re not used to it, and it makes you skittish?”

“Used to what, exactly?”

“Someone spending time with you without some scheme or ulterior motive involved,” she replied with an eye roll. “You’re not used to spending time with people who aren’t doing the same.”

Eris’s face heated and he ran his tongue across his teeth. “Well, you didn’t have to say it like that.”

“Why don’t you throw her over your shoulder and show her how you're really feeling?” Elain said with a sly grin and Eris’s brows shot up.

“Elain, so scandalous of you to suggest such a thing.”

“Every wife likes to be swept off her feet.” she said firmly and gave him a superior look. “Don’t tell me you’ve been kissing your wife without some kind of grand sweeping gesture?”

Eris pursed his lips again and looked away, eyes focused on the dirt to hide his expression. Sure, he shared some things, but he sure as shit wasn’t going to say anything about the nonexistent physical relationship he had with his wife.

He craved a kiss. Eris was dying to know the feeling of her lips on his. But he wouldn’t push. Not this. He would work at her pace even if he killed him.

Even if he jerked himself to death. Which seemed very likely at the moment.

“It’s not like that between us.” he said quietly and finally gazed back at his sister-in-law who was giving him a small knowing smile. “She’s not comfortable enough yet so we have been taking it very slow.”

“And is that what’s making you nervous? Taking it slow when you’re used to running through everything?”

Eris shrugged. She was getting too good at reading him, almost as good as his own mother, and Eris wasn’t sure he was supposed to like that feeling so much.

Elain straightened and slipped her gloves off before sliding next to him and tapping his hand.

“You know, I’ve always thought you had more to you than meets the eye.” she began softly. “And getting to know you better, watching you build a stronger relationship with Lucien…as much as you like to pretend otherwise, you have a big ‘ole softy hiding in here that’s trying to come out.” she said and tapped his chest, right over his heart.

Eris promptly wanted to assassinate himself.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he mumbled, scowling immediately and Elain rolled her eyes.

“I think Iris is the person you need to share that with the most and I think it makes you nervous that you desperately want to.”

Eris scoffed and looked away, his scowl deepening as the tips of his ears reddened. “I don’t desperately want to.”

“Gods Eris, you’re so desperate you positively reek of it.” Elain said with a laugh and Eris shot her a glare. “I think it’s hilarious and oh so wonderful. Besides —“ she paused to give him a stern look. “I may not know Iris just yet, but I do know flowers and their language. When someone has a favorite flower in a specific color, it’s usually because they are drawn to those things.”

Eris felt his face twitch. He wouldn’t read into it. They were just flowers.

“Why am I even listening to you? You married Lucien. Your judgment is clearly skewed.” he said with a childish pout and Elain immediately shoved him with her elbow.

“Don’t talk about my love like he's anything but perfect.”

“He’s my brother and he’s very ugly.”

“It must be so hard for you to deal with Lucien being so much more attractive than you are.” Elain said with a sweet smile that was anything but sweet. “How terrible it must be for you to be living in his shadow constantly.”

It was Eris’s turn to roll his eyes. He pushed her face away with his hand gently, earning him a yelp of protest. “No one is more attractive than I am but since you’re delusional, I’ll allow you this error in judgment.”

“I bet Iris thinks you’re very attractive, doesn’t she?”

“When she’s not too busy trying to stab me during our training sessions, she finds me downright delicious.” he said with a smug smile and Elain laughed again, shoving him.

“You’re so full of yourself, no wonder you’re too nervous to be nice around her. How will you function without all that ego?”

“It’s part of my charm.”

“But, of course.” she said then shook her head with a sigh, standing. “Come on you lovesick fool, let’s make you a nice bouquet so you can take it with you to impress your wife.”

“I am not a lovesick fool.” he immediately protested. “I barely even like her.”

“Oh really? Who is the delusional one now?” she said with a knowing look and Eris scowled as she tugged him along with her. “The flowers are a good step towards showing your feelings. You can keep it up from there.”

He scowled further. “But that still makes me nervous.”

“It’s good you're nervous. It means you care.”

“Of course I care.” he replied faster than he could stop himself. “She’s my wife.”

Elain smiled at him warmly and patted his arm. “Then I think a lovely bouquet of red carnations will be just the thing to show it. We wouldn’t want you to lay it on too thick now, would we?”

Eris gave her a small reluctant smile. “No, we can’t have that.”

And so, he followed her through her garden silently, watching as Elain mindfully picked out her best carnations. He knew Iris would like it and tried to clamp down on the smile attempting to escape him just thinking about her face lighting up when he handed it to her. She seemed to enjoy that he had flowers delivered regularly now but hadn't given her one directly yet. It should be perfect.

As Elain picked out another flower, Eris softly added, “She likes peonies too. I think the pink ones would look good with the red carnations.”

Elain paused and turned back to him with a grin. “Oh? And do you know what those symbolize?”

Eris rolled his eyes with another small smile. “I’m sure you’re going to tell me anyway.”

She laughed then elbowed him gently. “They symbolize happy marriage, good luck, and prosperity.”

Eris blinked and squinted at Elain’s too knowing of a smile. Running his tongue over his teeth, he waved a hand, his cheeks heating slightly as he looked away from her and said all too quietly, “Throw in more of those. I’ll take all the luck I can get."

#eris vanserra #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #elucien #eris vanserra x oc #eris x oc #eris vanserra fanfic #acotar fanfiction #smtb chapters #if you'd like to be tagged or removed (no hard feelings!!!) please let me know!#sorry I'm making the newer readers wait on the cliffy hehe #thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed this one <3 #gfics

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tom-whore-dleston · 7 months

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Love Changed the Minds of Pretenders

Pairing ▹ Bucky Barnes x gn. reader

Word Count ▹ 1k

This fic contains ▹ angst, fluff, songfic, unestablished relationship, mentions of sex, mentions of Joaquin x reader, mutual ending of relationship, light beta reading (even though there are no explicit mentions of adult themes, I do not want minors or blank blogs interacting with this fic)

Summary ▹ Do you remember | The 21st night of September?

Notes ▹ I should be asleep right now because I have work at 7am but I just had a random burst of creativity and I needed to let it out. Anyways, this is my submission for @bucks-and-noble Summer Send Off. Thank you @buckets-and-trees and @sgt-seabass for creating this challenge and refueling my love for Bucky. And a special shoutout to the book club! I am so happy I met y'all and I am beyond grateful for the bond we have created 💖 Fun fact: This is my first ever Bucky fic woop woop!! Remember to reblog and comment if you enjoyed! 😊

Prompt ▹ use a lyric [from September by Earth Wind and Fire] as direct inspiration for a theme/idea

September 21, 2022. 10:02 pm.

The night you met Bucky Barnes.

Of all places, you met Bucky at a bar. The same bar where your friend performed their first live show and they invited you to watch. You weren’t expecting to meet anyone that night. Your heart had been broken only a few weeks prior.

Everyone thought: Was he a rebound? A distraction?

No. He was so much more than that. It could have been easy to feel that way fresh out of heartbreak. Even more so when outsiders were constantly questioning what you and Bucky really were. But there was clearly a reason Bucky showed up in your life after this period of hurting.

Bucky gave you love and security. He made you feel safe when he took you to the movies, when he made love to you, when you slept peacefully in his strong arms. You always thanked him for the things he did to make you feel secure and loved. He’d reply with his typical phrase, “I’m glad I make you feel that way.”

He welcomed you into his home, his life, and his heart after many years of keeping the door locked and the key tucked away. Waking up and stroking your face before pressing a kiss to your dry lips was something that made your love for him stronger. Then after an hour or so of getting tangled between the sheets, you both would jump in the shower, gently caressing one another with soapy hands. Breakfast with Bucky was another tender ritual that you cherished. Whether it was at 10 in the morning or 1 in the afternoon, you never skipped breakfast with him.

He challenged your negative thoughts and beliefs. You and Bucky would stay on the phone until 3 in the morning talking about the universe, aliens, and other conspiracy theories. The two of you would ponder on the purpose of your lives and the ways of the universe. One thing you both were certain about was that you wanted your lives to be fulfilling and meaningful. Your world expanded and bloomed with beauty and wonder because of him. You wanted to be better and so did he.

Bucky made you believe in love again. And you made Bucky believe in love again.

As the months passed, everything was splendid. Perfect, even. But with perfection, there’s always something lacking. Of course, you wouldn’t have seen what was lacking if it slapped you in the face.

After 10 months of dating Bucky, you finally revealed your love for him. Now, Bucky wasn’t the type to say it. Heck, he didn’t even say “I love you” to his sister unless she said it first. Yet that wasn’t a deal breaker because he expressed his love in other ways.

“I love you, too. I know your feelings for me are strong, but I don’t know if I can give you what you want.”

It was understandable. He did mention in the beginning that he wanted to casually date. You forgot that you wanted the same thing. Man that felt like such a long time ago. Time really does fly when you start to fall in love. And hard you fell.

You hid your disappointment by making more excuses as to why being committed to Bucky would not be in the cards. First, there was the long distance. Then, there was the uncertainty about both of your futures. For a couple that talked a lot about your ambitions, you both lacked the confidence in where you would go in life. As the list of reasons piled up, there was one that made your brain fuzzy and your heart swell.

That reason was Joaquin Torres.

You met Joaquin through your cousin. There was an instant attraction between the two of you yet neither of you pursued each other. If you had gone for Joaquin, you would not have created the world you had with Bucky. So when your feelings for Joaquin grew stronger than your feelings for Bucky, you knew you had to take action before someone got hurt.

Contrary to your belief, no one got hurt. You were transparent with Joaquin about your status with Bucky, and he understood. When you revealed to Bucky your feelings for Joaquin, he too understood.

“Listen, angel, I know you. You know what you want in your life and you don’t let anything get in the way of that. I do love you, but who am I to stand in the way of living the life you want. You’ve let people tell you how to live your life for so long and now it’s my turn to stop that cycle. If this is what you want, don’t let me stop you.”

You and Bucky shared beautiful memories over the 10 months of being together, but the words he said to you on August 8, 2023 will always be ingrained in your brain for the rest of your life. That night was the last time you spoke to him and saw his face, even though it was over a video call.

“I’m grateful for having you in my life,” you confessed to him, trying not to cry. You couldn’t figure out if it was because you were surprised this conversation went way better than you thought or because you were saying goodbye.

Bucky grinned, “No need to get all sappy on me, angel.” You shared a final laugh together. “Well, if you ever find yourself in the city, you know where to find me.”

Part of you wanted to make a joke about how you’d run into him at the bar where you met, but you stopped yourself. Instead, you replied:

“You got it, Buck.”

And that marked the end of you and Bucky.

You and Bucky’s love was never meant to fail. Yet it was never meant to succeed. Perhaps it was just meant to simply exist.

But who knows, maybe that fateful night in August was not the end. Only time could tell. That was the beauty of time and the universe. You can plan and make certain choices, but ultimately, the universe will lead you to where you’re meant to be.

Now, it’s September 21, 2023. No, Bucky is not in the picture, but your thoughts are with him.

Do you remember? Yes, you remember. You always will.

Navigation | Fanfic Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

#bnsummersendoff #bucky barnes #winter soldier #sebastian stan #tfatws #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x you #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #angst #fluff #reader insert #no y/n

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purplesurveys · 1 month

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1835

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Just need to take the dogs to the vet, but apart from that I can do whatever I want. I'm really happy I don't have any events tomorrow – my first free Sunday in over a month :( Sucks that I cheer for the bare minimum now but such is work and such is life.

What's the longest movie you've ever seen? Gone with the Wind is like 2 minutes shy of being 4 hours long.

What movies did you watch a lot as a kid? I watched Toy Story constantly. To this day it's still one of my favorite kids' movies.

How many rooms are in your home? If you mean bedrooms, we have four.

Do you ever experience imposter syndrome? Yeah, little bit.

What was the last place you rode to in a car? Traveled quite a bit today actually! I was driver to my sister and her friends today as they had a girls' day out – I brought them to Salcedo for their lunch, then separately I needed to drive to BGC to show up briefly for an event a client was having (the work wasn't intense; I just dropped by to make sure things were going well).

Do you have a PayPal account? If so, how often do you use it? I have but I never use it. I've never understood how it works so I just stopped trying to learn lol. Whenever I need to deal with international monies I just course it through my dad's cc.

Are you cold right now? No. The aircon's on but the temperature is just right – chilly enough that I'm super comfortable, but not too cold that I need a blanket or can't focus on this survey.

How old will you be at your next birthday? I'll be 26.

Before this one, when was the last time you took a survey? A little bit after lunch.

Can you skip rope? Sure. I'm not nearly as good as I used to be since my body feels heavier now, but I can still definitely do sets.

Have you ever participated in a charity fundraising event? I've taken part in fundraisers, but not events altogether.

What is your hair like at the moment? It's in a half ponytail, but I'll give a bigger shoutout to its texture(?) – it's a lot less frizzy today since I was in air conditioned spots all day hehe :)

Do you like cucumber? No.

What do you like and dislike about your job? (or your last job) I like the freebies, the cool shit I get to launch, the regular opportunities to see celebrities, and the semi-regular opportunities to work with K-pop artists/campaigns. I hate the hours, the regular disrespect for boundaries, and the unpredictability of clients/brands I handle.

Have you ever had a dream job? If so, did you give up on it, and why? Or do you happen to have that dream job? My dream job in the grand scheme of things is to do WWE PR, and while I'm not quite there and the chances getting there are quite bleak, I'm still nonetheless in the same industry.

What's the last sitcom you watched? Friends.

What car did your parents or guardian drive when you were growing up? The first car they had was a black Mitsubishi Lancer. When they upgraded a few years after, they still went with another Lancer – but a newer model, and it was initially blue for a few years until they had it painted to white.

Do you have milk in your fridge right now? What kind? I think we may have a carton at the moment, but idk what type.

Are you left or right handed? Right.

If you have your ears pierced, how old were you when you got them done? I was a few months old.

Do you have any other piercings? No, just the one on my ears.

What was the last thing you wrote down in the notes app on your phone? Headline options for the press release I was drafting yesterday. I silently brainstorm 24/7 and I happened to think of two catchy phrases while having lunch, so I needed to type them down before I forget about them.

Have you ever been on a winery tour? Nope.

When was the last time you were hungover? May was the last time I had a particularly bad hangover.

Do you still have Facebook? If so, how often do you check it? Yes, it's the most popular social media where I live. I check mine everyday just to keep updated on news and if there are new dog rescues that need to be funded so I can donate.

Are you wearing your favourite colour today? Nope, I don't have anything in purple today.

Would you ever want to visit South Korea? I'd love to go back but it comes with feelings guardedness(?). Koreans are notoriously racist towards Filipinos, especially the older generation who seems to see us as below humans.

Racism makes people so weird and gross and annoying.

How many times in your life have you been in love? Once.

Do you like your name? Yes.

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comas-are-for-sleeping · 2 years

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also unrelated but shoutout to my little sister for dealing with me constantly accidentally cursing and then panicking bc our family is conservative by just giving me a Look and not saying a single thing. idk what else to say she's just great. i love her

HAHAHAHAGA icon

my sister is actually v similar we were at our grandparents’ house last year and idk why but she did the wrist flop tik tok thing that means gay at some point in a conversation and i burst out laughing. my grandparents were v confused lol. that is not even remotely similar but it reminded me of that :)

#i habe cursed in front of her approximately three times and i always freak out #i dont think my parents (or her) care but :|#ask #loumingju #pen and ink

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h3r3w3-g0again120 · 2 years

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Hello darkness, my old friend... 10/04/22

Well, I’m not sure where to really start. I know no one is reading this because I have no followers on this little secret blog of mine. I tried doing a spam account on Instagram, but the feed/posts on there are too.. how do I put this...? Censored? Vanilla? Irrelevant? Whatever, I guess since no one is reading this it doesn't matter cause it makes sense to me.

Anyways, soooooo much has changed. I mean, literally everything. Instead of having a group of close friends, I have none. None that I can really tell these thoughts to. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister and brother and the four friends I do have. (Shoutout to Becky, John, BJ, and Harlee *names have been changed*). I love my boyfriend, Jay, too. Despite all the drastic changes (especially with COVID) the past couple of years, things are looking up in most aspects of my sorry excuse for what I call a life. Everything except my body. *insert vomiting emoji x1,000*

16 y/o me would be devastated if she could see me now. I promised myself I’d never get above 150lbs again. I also promised myself I’d never ever EVER hit 200lbs no matter what... Well here I am. 200lbs of fat and grossness lacking basic self-control when it comes to food. At least I’m not a complete failure and haven’t relapsed on cutting.

This is a different level of F A T cause I’m actually technically O B E S E. These are things I’ve never experienced. I have nasty stretch marks on my stomach. At first they were just at the bottom where my “pouch” is, but I noticed today there’s one trying to creep up at the top... My stomach has rolls. Not like the cute little ones that skinny girls have only when they sit down. Actual rolls, when I’m standing. The kind that jiggles with every step. My thighs and arms have new stretch marks too. My thighs smush together as if they’re allergic to oxygen. It’s actually quite revolting. When I go to shave, I have trouble reaching everywhere and I can’t see past my stomach. Even my hands and face are fat. I can’t wrap my fingers around my wrist anymore. My cheeks are incredibly chubby and I no longer have ‘good angles’ due to my massive double chin. And gods forbid someone wants to take a picture of me standing next to my sister.

I think that’s what’s triggered me to come back to this *begrudgingly* “lifestyle”. My cousin and I talked on the phone today because my family is getting concerned about how much weight my sister has lost. Fortunately, she doesn’t deal with an eating disorder, but she does struggle greatly with anxiety, which for her causes lack of appetite and weight loss. I just think it’s really funny how when I lost hella weight in high school, no one gave a single shit. And I was straight up starving myself, b/p constantly, taking tons of diet pills, and taking laxatives. Not to mention over-exercising. Anywayssss. She had a whole ass kid and is STILL skinner than me. Well, I’m not skinny, so whatever you call it. I hate comparing myself to her, but everyone has compared me to her my whole life, so it’s just natural for me I guess.

I know where I’ll end up if I take this too far, so I have to be super careful. It’s easy to take it too far, especially when I have a record a mile long of taking shit too far. I just need to lose 80lbs. That’s it. A healthy 120lbs. I don’t wanna be stick thin like I kind of used to be. I look back at pictures and get grossed out by how skinny I was (a few pounds shy of 100). I want to be *slim thicc*. Ya know, flat tummy, big(ish) booty, toned arms and thighs. I could even stand 130lbs if I have a good bit of muscle on me. I just know I can’t stand to look the way I do now any longer. I’ll do whatever it takes. If I have to starve a little then so be it. I don't care anymore, I'm just tired of looking like this. I can barely look at myself in the mirror. I hate what I see. I'm disgusting.

0 notes

frenchpuppycormier · 3 years

Text

I'd Follow You Wherever

(ao3)

word count: 4k

rating: T

Once again a shoutout to @femmeluthor for being my number one fan and listening to me complain ;)

Lena stares unblinking at the object in her hands and thinks about where her actions have led her, and daydreaming about what her life has become. Never in a million years did she picture this is what she’d be doing in her thirties; preparing herself to travel across the galaxy to another dimension to rescue the woman she cares most about in the world. The universe.

“You sure this is going to work?”

“It has to,” Lena quivers. Alex nods in understanding. “I don’t know what else to do, Alex. Nothing feels right without her. I-I can’t sleep at all, I’m constantly thinking about her and how she is, I think my hair is falling out, I can’t walk by our favorite restaurant anymore without crying…I can barely eat, and when I do it just comes back up. All I feel is this constant, aching pain and it’s sucking me dry. I don’t know what to do,” she chokes out a sob and her hands start to tremble. “Alex, I have to do this!”

Sensing a panic attack of larger proportions on the horizon, Alex steps forward and pulls her into a gentle, yet firm hug. “Hey,” she squeezes her back with one hand while the other runs soothingly along Lena’s shoulder blade and arm. Resting her head against hers, Alex murmurs, “It’s okay. I understand. You gotta do what you gotta do. I just wish we had another way.”

Lena leans back and looks at her incredulously with pinched brows, “What, you don’t think I can do this?”

Alex huffs and lets out a soft chuckle. “Lena, no. That’s not what I’m saying.” Noticing Lena isn’t standing down from her natural defensiveness, she rolls her eyes. “You really don’t see it?”

“Please, enlighten me,” she gestures as if telling her to continue.

“Lena,” Alex shakes her head and rests her palms on Lena’s shoulders. “I already lost Kara; I can’t lose you too. I mean, I know you and I never really got a chance to make things right, but I’d like to think we’re friends, don’t you?”

A stray tear drops from Lena’s eye and she wipes it with her thumb before sniffling. She cracks a smile and deflects, “Since when did you become so sentimental?”

Alex releases her hold and laughs, “Well, having Kara as a sister does that to me. Lately it’s occurred to me that life’s too short to be a hard ass all the time, as cheesy as it sounds. And you know, Kelly is a therapist.” That gets a chuckle out of Lena. “I don’t know, I guess I just realized you’re the closest thing I have to Kara right now, and to be honest…I think you’re pretty special, Lena.”

The former CEO’s eyes widen with the admission. “Thank you,” her voice cracks. She clears her throat, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Alex jokingly salutes her but quickly grows serious again. She huffs loudly and her eyes dart around the room before settling on Lena’s face. The woman looks back with a worried gaze.

“What?” Lena asks. “Alex, what is it?”

“Nothing, I just,” she shakes her head and gathers her wits. She stands straighter and crosses her arms in front of her chest, and with her head held high she says, “I’m going with you.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Alex, no,” she states firmly. “We agreed—”

The auburn-haired woman shakes her head. “We,” Alex gestures her finger between the two of them, “Didn’t agree on anything. You strutted in here with your proclivities and decided what was happening without allowing the rest of the group any say in it.”

“Alex…”

“I’m going with. It’s final,” Alex states and saunters over to the control panel in the center of the tower.

Lena scoffs and follows her, yelling at her turned back, “The hell you are! The deal was I go and you stay here in case anything happens to me. That way, you still have a fighting chance to save Kara and I, I will have tried my best, but I did what I could and you’ll get to move on.” Lena pauses for a second and emphasizes, “With Kara.”

Alex whips her head around and shoots daggers at her, causing Lena to startle and shrink back. “That’s bullshit and you know it.” Lena’s nostrils flare in retaliation, but Alex keeps going. “I’m sick of you putting yourself on the line all the time. You’re just like Kara and it’s annoying as fuck!” She laughs tiredly as an epiphany enters through her brain. “You guys are perfect for each other.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on, Lena. You can’t be that dense,” Alex says, with mild exasperation. “Kara loves you, she’s in love with you, but she’s been too afraid to tell you because of the whole secret identity mishap. She already made a huge mistake which pissed you off, she didn’t want to risk losing you again, or your friendship, by speaking it into existence…And you!” she points accusingly at Lena. “You are too stubborn to admit your feelings out loud, so you bury them deep down inside because you think Kara will deny you or laugh at you, but if you actually think that then you really don’t know my sister at all.”

Lena’s mouth is hanging open by the time she’s done. She quickly closes it and swallows thickly before replying. “She loves me?”

Alex deflates and smiles softly. “Honey, she almost risked the entire timeline to tell you her secret earlier than when she actually did. I’d say she loves you.”

“Wait, what—”

“We’ll get to that part later, but for right now we’re running out of time,” Alex grabs the device from Lena. “So, ready to go rescue my sister?”

Lena eyes her suspiciously, “We’re not done with this conversation.”

“Scout’s honor.”

“You were never a girl scout,” Lena snatches back the device. “I’ll take that. Took me all night to make this. I’m not risking it in your hands.”

Alex smirks, “’Kay, so remind me how this works again? Just so everything’s clear?”

“Well…basically we open up a portal to the Phantom Zone, then once we step through, this,” Lena holds up the device, “Will allow us to track Kara and her location. I took the nanobots to map the brains of the progeny we have in containment. Then, I used q-waves to replicate Malefic’s powers, and M’gann’s sensing abilities, and with the help of Kara’s DNA I was able to calibrate the device to the right frequency, which is how we’ll find her. All of this to make one simple tracking device. Again. Y’know, since you stole the first one I made.”

Alex winces under Lena’s intense glare. “I said I was sorry.”

“No worries, all is forgiven,” the former CEO smirks.

Alex releases a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “Okay, so then how will we know exactly where Kara is?”

“The device will chirp when we’re in her radius.”

“Is there any way we can narrow it down? Like to her exact coordinates or something? The Phantom Zone is a large place.”

“I wish I could say there was another way, but I’m afraid this is all we have,” Lena deflates. “You’re not about to back out already, are you?”

Alex purses her lips. “No way, Luthor. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Lena lifts her arm and presses the button to the portal watch. She glances at Alex and smiles, “Let’s go get our girl.”

Lena doesn’t know how long it takes them. Her watch tells her it’s been a week, but time in the Phantom Zone is different, so for all she knows it’s been a month since they’ve been roaming around searching for Kara.

Her feet are dragging with every step and she can tell Alex is just as exhausted and sluggish as she is. She knows they need to take a break and rest. She knows this. But she also knows the longer they wait, the longer they are away from Kara. The longer Kara has been here suffering by herself, and Lena can’t have that. No, she needs to get to Kara as fast as possible. Before it’s too late.

They pass a large boulder and after a minute of no random ramblings from Alex’s mouth, or fun facts to distract them, Lena frowns and stops. She turns around and sees no sign of the other woman. She squints and just barely notices a figure toppled over on their side, not moving. “Alex!”

Lena runs as fast as her legs can move her. She stumbles next to Alex and lands on her knees, the pain excruciating. Her synapses are firing throughout her body, but that’s the least of her worries right now. She shakes the older woman’s shoulders and cries out her name once more.

No response.

“Goddammit, Alex. Don’t do this to me. We’re so close!” Lena whips her backpack off and fumbles around the contents for her water bottle. Leave it to Lena to come extra prepared. She twists the cap off and pours a conservative amount on Alex’s face. It does the trick.

“Jesus, Lena!” she sputters and breathes heavily, wiping the liquid from her eyes.

“You fucking scared me half to death! What was I supposed to do?” Lena shrieks. If only her brother could see her now. He’d get a kick out of the way she’s freakishly reminiscent to a final girl and their antics.

Alex sits up with help from Lena. She swipes the bottle from her and takes a long swig, water dribbling down her bottom lip. “Thanks.”

Lena nods. “No problem.” She glances around them and shivers. “Now, I don’t know about you, but this place is giving me major Alien the movie vibes and we’re out in the open. So, how’s about we get a move on, hmm?”

“You don’t need to say ‘the movie’. You can just say Alien.”

“Alex…”

“Alright, alright,” Alex teases.

Rolling her eyes, Lena helps Alex to her feet with ease, and they continue the trek. It lasts about ten miles, until Alex needs another break. This time a chosen break. They settle along a bank of tall, pointy rocks. Lena reaches into her bag and downs a healthy amount of water.

“Hey! You gonna leave any for me?” Alex complains.

“Well maybe you should’ve brought your own!” Lena argues, but hands over the bottle anyway.

Alex thanks her and lowers herself to the ground. She grabs her ankle and winces. “Did you happen to bring a first aid kit in that bag of yours?”

Lena raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow and huffs, “It’s like you don’t know me at all.” She crouches next to Alex, takes off her bag, and rifles through it. While she’s distracted, she barely notices her surroundings and doesn’t have time to react to the feeling of a slight pinch on her arm.

She slowly turns her head and looks over to see Alex retract her hand, which holds a syringe. A wave of nausea hits Lena hard and her vision blurs. The last thing she sees is a snarling Alex before she succumbs to darkness.

When she wakes up it’s to pitch black surroundings, save for a small fire burning by her feet. Sosmall, in fact, it shouldn’t even be considered a fire. It’s merely smoldering embers, wisps of smoke on the verge of dying. Lena goes to move her arms but they’re being constrained be something. She mentally catalogues the environment around her, and realizes her wrists are tied together behind her back with rope, and her arms are wrapped around a tree. The only tree for miles.

Why would Alex do this? she thinks. I thought we were friends. Or was she just playing me the whole time to get close to me? And when she finally gained my trust, she twisted the proverbial knife into my gut. But for what? There’s nothing her for her to gain.

Lena groans and struggles against her confines.

“Ah, you’re awake,” a voice startles her from her reverie. “Good.”

“Alex,” Lena croaks, her throat parched. “Why are you doing this?”

Alex laughs like a hyena catching its prey. “Can’t you see? You’re just a dumb, pathetic weakling who never learns. You trust too easily, even though you know everyone will eventually betray you. You’re worthless,” Alex spits. “Twisted and evil; you’re a Luthor, just like your brother. Who would ever love you?”

Lena trembles, tears prickling her eyes. “No…”

“Everything you touch turns to ash. Kara’s probably dead because of you. The world hates aliens, because of you. You’re going to pay for what you’ve done,” Alex’s face slowly morphs into Lex’s sneering face, and suddenly everything feels wrong. “We could’ve had it all, Lena. We could’ve built something together, but you had to go and play hero, didn’t you?”

“No!” Lena chokes.

Lex steps closer so he’s towering of her, the light from the fire burning shadows across his sunken face. “You never learn, Lena. You don’t deserve the Luthor name. Supergirl is mine and you can’t stop me.” He puts his hands in his pant pockets like he just landed a deal, the confidence radiating off him as he walks away.

“W-Where are you going?” Lena yells. “What are you going to do?”

He turns around to look at her one last time and says, “To do what you couldn’t; I’m going to kill Supergirl.” He struts off into the distance with the only sound being Lena’s screams echoing throughout the wide berth of the canyon.

Lena screams until her throat grows hoarse and all that comes out is thick, dry sobs. She shakes and trembles and pulls at her wrists to break free, but it’s no use. Exhaustion settles in her bones and takes over until her eyelids grow heavy, and the darkness encompasses her once again.

The next time she wakes it’s to blinding light. She squints and tries to rub her face, but remembers they’re tied behind her back. Her heart starts thumping rapidly in her chest as the panic swallows her whole. She’s all alone. Left for dead. With no way to escape. She supposes she deserves this. Alex said so herself, who would ever love her?

As the day goes on her limbs grow heavy and her body gets weaker and weaker. She sighs and lets the elements do their work and take over. The last thought running through her mind before she goes is that she never got to tell Kara how she felt. Closing her eyes, Lena hears a voice in the back of her mind repeating her name. It’s getting louder and louder, but she doesn’t care. All she wants to do is sleep.

She hears the same voice yell her name again, sounding so close, yet far away. The voice is muffled as if she’s underwater.

“LENA!”

With no warning, she feels a jolt of pain in her ribs, and like her body is shocked with adrenaline, her eyes blast wide open and she wheezes. The first thing she notices is Alex hovering over her with worried eyes.

Alex sags in relief, “Oh, thank God.”

“Get away from me!” Lena shudders and backs away on her hands, palms scraping against the rough terrain.

“Woah! Hey, what’s going on?” Alex pleads holding her hands out in a placating gesture.

“You left me for dead,” Lena whimpers, tears threatening to fall. “You just left me there, all alone.”

Alex frowns, “What? No, Lena. Hey, look at me,” Alex tentatively reaches her hand toward the brunette like one would when dealing with a spooked animal. She grabs her chin as those glassy eyes morph into something akin to tentativeness. “You’re okay. None of that was real. It was all in your head.”

After quiet contemplation and realizing what she’s saying holds true, Lena sighs deeply and nods. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. We were just resting and I heard you whimpering in your sleep. I thought something was seriously wrong.”

Lena stares blankly at her. “But I don’t remember falling asleep….”

Alex’s eyebrows pinch together. “What do you—”

That’s when Lena notices the phantom looming in the dark. Its eyes are glowing red and its hands are buzzing with an energy as if taking control of someone’s mind.

“It’s him. He was playing tricks on us!” Lena whisper shouts and shuffles to her feet in one swift motion. She grabs Alex’s hand and pulls her away before the phantom wakes up. “We need to go. Right now!”

They make it to the edge of a ravine and Lena stops short, her mind spiraling with confusion. It must show on her face, because Alex notices something’s off almost immediately.

“What is it?” Alex asks.

“I’ve been here before,” Lena mutters, mostly to herself. If it weren’t for their close proximity, Alex probably wouldn’t have heard her.

“What? That’s impossible…”

Lena shakes her head. “No, not literally. I was here in my dream,” she rolls her eyes at herself. “Or rather, what the phantom put inside my head. This has to mean something!” At that exact moment, the tracking device in Lena’s hands lights up and shrills harshly. “She’s close! Kara’s close!” she grins widely, excitement swelling her cheeks.

As Lena walks away, the device growing louder with each step, Alex grabs her by the elbow and pulls her back effectively stopping her in her tracks. “What if it’s a trap?”

“We’ve come this far. We can’t stop now,” Lena rips her arm away and trudges on, leaving Alex in the dust. Alex quickly catches up with her and wordlessly makes it known that she’s got her back.

The duo makes it to a point where the device is droning out a constant beep. “She’s here!” Lena exclaims. Here is a maze of jagged rocks and what can only be described as molten lava.

“Fuck! How are we supposed to find her in here?!” Alex rubs her temples.

“Shh,” Lena grabs her wrist. “Do you hear that?” Alex lowers her hands and listens for any noise in the vicinity. A quiet whimper emerges from somewhere to their left. Lena blames it on the lack of sun in the decrepit place, blames the lack of light for why they were unable to see a small figure leaning on the rocky wall, hidden in the shadows.

“Kara?” Lena gasps. She creeps forward careful not to startle her. “Kara,” she says, louder this time.

“Who’s there?” Kara asks, trembling slightly and shuffling away so she’s pressed up against the wall. Her normal demeanor is completely forgotten and it’s morphed into rigidity and stiffness.

Alex’s body betrays her and she collapses to the ground in a heap, her hands covering her mouth in shock. Tears trickle down her cheeks. Lena glances back over her shoulder and softens in understanding.

Lena crouches down closer to Kara and as soon as her eyes adjust to the dark, she chokes on her own breath. Kara’s once bright, sapphire eyes are now pale and grey. They’re slowly losing the light inside of her, and becoming something dark and lost. “Kara,” she whispers.

“Who are you? How do you know my name?” Kara’s eyes dart around like she’s frantically searching for something.

“Hey, it’s me,” she sits on her knees facing her, itching to reach out and touch her. “It’s Lena. Listen to my voice.”

Kara shakes her head furiously, tendrils of hair bouncing off her shoulder. “No. No, Lena can’t be here. It’s not safe.”

“Darling, it’s me. Okay?”

“No. No, no, no, no,” Kara cries, her body shaking with every utterance.

Lena doesn’t fight it anymore and she clasps onto Kara’s flailing hands. “It’s me, Kara. I’m here. Your Lena,” she lifts Kara’s hands and places them on her own face. “I had to find you myself, I couldn’t trust anyone else to do it without fail. I supposed that’s selfish of me, but when it comes to you I’d do anything.”

Kara begins tracing over Lena’s features with deft fingers, every worry line and wrinkle. She starts with the eyebrows she’s become quite accustomed to, then continues with the swell of her cheekbones and sharp jawline, moving over to the slope of her nose, and finally settling her thumbs on plump, parted lips. Her favorite pair of lips. Lena’s breath hitches from Kara’s tender searching.

Once she’s done, Kara rests her forehead on Lena’s and faintly sobs, hands gripping underneath her jaw and along her neck. “It really is you,” Kara closes the distance and slowly, but with steady determination, kisses her. Lena’s lips are soft and warm compared to the acrid burning that’s constantly surrounded her since she’s been in this place. She sighs, causing a breathy moan to emerge from Lena, and she pulls back to breathe in the woman before her. “I never thought I’d get the chance to do that.”

Lena laughs and Kara melts at the sound, forgetting such a simple thing could cause her so much joy. Kara opens her eyes and she almost chokes on her breath from the shiny, emerald eyes gazing back at her with nothing but love. “Lena,” she breathes.

“Kara?”

“I see you. Rao, you’re so beautiful,” she gushes.

Lena’s cheeks become a light dusting of pink with that admission, and she dips her head bashfully. “You’re not so bad yourself, Supergirl.”

Kara grins and gently tilts Lena’s head up. She leans her forehead on Lena’s again, playfully bumping their noses against each other, while softly rubbing her thumbs over Lena’s cheeks, just below her eyes. “I really want to kiss you again,” she whispers.

“I look forward to doing a whole lot more of that, but let’s get you home first, yeah? I’m still concerned about getting you somewhere safe.” Kara nods mutely and smiles morosely. “Can you stand?”

“I think so.”

Lena stands and reaches for her hands. She’s not expecting Kara to be that light, so when she pulls her up Kara stumbles forward and nearly topples over her. Lena catches her fall and before she can say anything, the Kryptonian is encircling her arms around Lena and murmuring into her neck, “I missed you so much.” Lena tightens her hold and squeezes her back. “Me too.”

Kara pulls back and tilts her head to the side. “Are you here alone?”

Lena shakes her head, “No, Alex is here too. She’s right there,” she nods to her right and frowns at Kara. “Could you not hear her?”

“I was a little distracted…” she shrugs smugly.

Lena responds by unconsciously licking her lips. She catches herself and pushes the thoughts of strong arms and legs out of her head, and rolls her eyes. The raven-haired woman pulls Kara over to Alex and whispers, “Alex?”

The older woman wipes her eyes and stands up. When she takes in the sight of her sister, she completely breaks. “Kara!” Alex engulfs her in a hug, causing an oof to emerge from the hero. Kara responds by wrapping an arm around her sister’s neck, with one of Lena’s hands still connected with her free hand.

“Alex,” Kara weeps. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Are you kidding me?” Alex pulls back. “I couldn’t let this one over here take the reins,” she jabs a thumb toward Lena, who scoffs.

“Who was it that saved your ass? And got us here in the first place?” Lena claps back.

“Semantics,” Alex waves a hand nonchalantly.

Kara grins at the interaction between her sister and her best friend. She sure missed a lot while she was incapacitated in the Phantom Zone, but if this is one of the outcomes, she thinks maybe it was worth it. She’s only ever wanted for Lena to become a part of her family, and she’s giddy at the sight of seeing her get along so well with Alex. Even if things are bound to change, at least she has her two favorite women with her. It doesn’t matter what happens next if it means they’re by her side.

“Ready to go home, goofball?” the girl of steel questions.

Alex sticks out her tongue but smiles anyway. “Yes, please.”

Kara grabs a hold of Alex’s hand while her other wrapped around Lena’s waist. She squeezes her hip and kisses her temple. “Ready when you are.” Lena leans into her touch and lifts her wrist one last time. As she glances at the two sisters beside her, she smiles and thinks about how lucky she is. She presses the button and together they walk through the portal.

Back to National City.

Back to their family.

Back home.

#supercorp #supercorp fic rec #supercorp fic #my work #kara danvers #lena luthor #sg spoilers

47 notes · View notes

angellissy · 4 years

Text

the stars that lit up the sky

Based on this lovely request> Would you do another Cameron sibling one with rage and Sarah? I really loved the first one!

Thank you!! Means the world and I am so sorry it took so long.

Rafe Cameron x Sister Reader

AN> Sorry for my lack of writing but I will try to get more fics up. I am graduating tomorrow so hopefully, my first two weeks of summer will be spent writing outer banks fics for you guys. Shoutout to my bestie Ellie, who helped me come up with a concept and who also just exists. I love u @myjjbaby . Enjoy!

Tossing and turning, seemed to be the only thing you had been doing for the past hours. The white linen sheets always seemed to find a way to tangle themselves with your limbs, making sleeping impossible. The sun had gone down hours ago, bringing all the sound that usually echoed throughout the house, with it. The clock ticking on your wall served as a constant reminder of the hours of sleep you lost. Unintentionally causing your breath to quicken, the fear of never falling asleep had always been a factor of stress. You were unsure why, but it always lingered in your mind. Sometimes making it even harder for your mind to relax and escape into another world, which usually caused you to stay in this one.

As a child your mind would be restless, you could lay awake for hours. Your eyes would often be looking at your ceiling, at the bright yellow stars that your older brother had glued there. Using the stars, he had created yours and his zodiac sign. The two of you were not only bound together by blood, but also by the same stars. So when the sun went down, the stars lit up and gathered your attention for the next hours. It helped calm your mind and whenever your older brother opened the door to your room and peeked inside, you would be laying still, holding a teddy bear close to your chest.

And as a child, those illuminating stars would be enough to lull you to sleep. But when you had reached a certain age, your dad had them removed, arguing that stars were for children and that you no longer, in his opinion, were a child. So the stars disappeared, ending in up in some charity box that your dad gave to the less fortunate. From that day on, you had to find new strategies. One included not sleeping at all, and as you got older another one meant partying all night to avoid having to deal with trying to fall asleep.

Tonight it looked like you would be choosing the first option, so you sat up, pushing the countless blankets off your exhausted body. When your father removed the stars from the ceiling, your brother desperately tried to come up with a new idea that would lull you to sleep. His solution was to build something similar to a bed on your windowsill, making it possible for you to watch the stars once again, though this time they were real and sometimes covered by clouds. So that was where you went whenever your brain failed to relax. You brought one blanket with you as you climbed up on the windowsill. No stars were in view tonight, the only thing that lit up the sky was the white moon. But still, it was not as bright as it usually was. Sometimes you couldn’t help but wonder if your mood was reflected in the weather, it always seemed to be that way at least.

You furrowed your brows when you saw two shadows reflected on the ground beneath you, the porch light was giving them away. With quick finger movements, you pushed the window open, making it possible for you to lean out. The beats of your heart quickened as the adrenaline rushed through your veins. What if it was a burglar? Or one of Rafe’s peculiar friends? Nevertheless, you would probably not dare do anything about it, but maybe if you did your dad would finally give you some credit. Or even better, maybe your older brother would start paying more attention to you than those bags of white dust in his pockets. You leaned further out, this time the sound of hushed voices reached your ears.

“How are we supposed to get inside?” The only thing you could make up was that it was the voice of a female. It did sound pretty familiar, and you understood why when the second person opened their mouth.

“Well Sarah if you weren’t such an idiot and dropped the keys, we would’ve been fine.” That was the sometimes infuriating voice of your older brother, there was no doubt about it. You would have known that voice anywhere. When you were younger it was his voice that guided you away from the sadness that engulfed you whenever your father yelled at you, blaming him for mistakes that weren’t even yours. It was also his voice that managed to say something that would draw out a big laugh from you.

“Can you‐” Sarah sighed, breathing in and out. “Can you keep it down?” You heard Rafe mutter something in response and decided that it was your turn to shine since you also were their only way inside.

“You need some help or something?” They jumped at the sound of your voice, seemingly startled. Rafe was holding one of his hands against his chest, trying to calm his heartbeat into a normal rhythm. Meanwhile, Sarah was looking relieved by the sight of your face, as she also knew that you were their savior. Hoping to freak them out a little more you hopped down from the window on the floor without a word, quickly making your way down to the front door. As quietly as you could, you unlocked it and opened it, letting in both of your older siblings. Both reeking of alcohol and other substances, but you were used to it. Particularly the way the smell of alcohol had intertwined with Rafe’s perfume, it seemed to never leave. Always a lingering smell, no matter how hard he tried to hide it on those days when being intoxicated was not socially acceptable.

“Thank you very much.” Sarah gave you a small hug and a kiss on the cheek before dashing up to her bedroom, most likely to talk to that boy she just met. As soon as she was gone it was just you and Rafe. The sibling that constantly seemed to avoid you, always coming up with excuses not to hang out. His hand flew up to his hair, scratching it ever so lightly. You coughed a little, unsure of what to do.

“Yeah well uh‐” His eyes darted between you and the staircase behind your body “I should probably head up, but thanks.” He was about to walk past you when you stepped in front of him, blocking his way and making him look at you through furrowed brows.

“Why do you not wanna hang out with me anymore?” He gulped and backed a few steps away from you. “Um, come with me.” He turned around and walked towards the kitchen, even though you were confused you followed him. Not wanting to miss out on the opportunity to hang out with your older brother. He gestured for you to sit down on a barstool, and you did, watching him as he started to get things out from the refrigerator.

“What are you doing?” He gave you a small smile as he shrugged his shoulders. “ Well, I suppose you were too young to remember this.” He paused while he turned on the stove and placed a frying pan on it. “When you were younger and were upset with me or Sarah you would make us or the nanny make you a grilled cheese, it was the only way for us to be able to talk to you.”

Your lips parted slightly as you dug inside of your mind, trying to find this specific memory. “I don’t remember that.” You mumbled, feeling slightly ashamed that such a sweet memory could have disappeared. He nodded, stumbling a bit as he turned around to put the sandwiches in the pan. “So that’s what you are doing now then?” He gave you a small smile and nodded.

“Never been very good with expressing stuff.” You snorted and he furrowed his brows at you, but his smile did not falter. After a couple of minutes, he put the grilled cheese on a platter and served it to you. You took a bite, the taste instantly melted in your mouth, it was so good that you could have cried. You put it down and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand before asking him once again, why he had been avoiding you.

He rested his head in his hands, looking down at the countertop. “I am supposed to be your big brother, a role model of some sort. But I am not exactly suited for that role anymore.” A bitter laugh escaped his lips and you swallowed hard, surprised that he was actually telling the truth and not some half-hearted lie.

“But I don’t need you to be a role model Rafe, I just need you to be my brother.” You paused, searching his eyes for some reaction, but he still looked down, making it very difficult. “You are going through some shit but that’s exactly the time when you shouldn’t push me away, just let me be your little sister again. And let me help you.” He looked up, a small smile on his lips as he walked around the kitchen isle just to wrap his arms around you.

“I don’t need your help, but I’ll try to regain the best big brother title you gave me as kids.” You nodded against his chest, that promise would be enough for now. As long as you got your best friend back.

“Care to tell me why you were still up at this hour?” He said when he let go. A small sigh escaped your lips “Couldn’t sleep.” He nodded, then gestured for you to follow him once again. This time you ended up in his room, you had not stepped foot in here for ages and you felt like neither had he since he looked a bit confused. After a bit of thought, he opened the door to his clothes, walked inside and asked you to follow.

“Turn the off the lights.” You did as he asked and the second you did, the room became illuminated by a different kind of light. The on that had adorned your childhood bedroom for several years.

“You kept the stars.” You whispered, astonished over the fact that he had done that and that he never told you.

“Yeah, I didn’t want dad to know so I kept them here, I should have told you sooner.” You brushed him off with a little wave, your eyes were still glued to the ceiling. You moved closer to his side and let him pull you into his chest, both of you were starving for hugs. The two kids that barely received any from your parents, that was why it was so important that you two were on the same side. If you were, you could dismiss the cold gazes and angry remarks from your father, together. So side by side you watched the stars, and side by side the two of you helped each other survive.

#rafe cameron #rafe #outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks x reader #sarah cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagines

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mishavacado · 3 years

Text

SPN has so much spinoff potential and so much canon to work with, it's such a waste that none of it's getting used. This post is just all of my spinoff ideas, I'll apologize in advance because it is VERY long.

Wayward Sisters, obviously. There are so many possible storylines to work with, so many stories to tell. I'd really love to see some Charlie, Eileen, or Krissy Chambers cameos. I think that Charlie and Claire would get along really well (just read this post). Rowena is another character that I think could easily be worked into the canon. She could teach the girls all kinds of magic and be the fun wine aunt that spoils the girls on their birthdays. I don't think that Claire would like her very much, but, Rowena and Alex would probably get along just fine. How much I need this in my life: 1000000000000000000000000/10 when I heard that this idea had been tossed out I was so angry. Why doesn't this exist?

Men of Letters prequel that's mostly set in the bunker. This show could really expand on the canon lore and give us some more background on the Men of Letters, as well as any other similar/rival organizations that were around before the main show's time. The Men of Letters have so much story potential for a spin-off; corrupt leadership, new monsters, other organizations, expanding the MoL to outside the U.S. Episodes could be in a monster-of-the-week (MOTW) format, starting and ending with the Man of Letters the case is assigned to making notes in his journal or case file or talking about the case, as well as the overall season arcs. Episodes would be titled by their case number, i.e S1 E1 Case No. 1925-4, etc How much I need this in my life: 1000000/10, the supernatural/historical drama combo would be absolutely stunning.

A series focusing on all of the alternate timelines and universes, both the ones mentioned in the main show and ones just randomly created for an episode. There are infinite possibilities. Each episode would be in a MOTW format, but with different versions of Sam and Dean. The HunterCorp universe, Jared and Jensen from the French Mistake, a universe where their names are switched, a universe where Dean went to college and was the one with the demon blood powers, a universe where they drive a Mustang instead of the Impala, a universe where Sam isn't scared of clowns. I could go on, but I'm going to stop myself here. How much I need this in my life: 9/10 I think it would be pretty funny, but it's not my best idea.

A Bobby and Rufus spin-off where they talk about cases they worked on together or with other hunters, but the stories are told similarly to Tall Tales. It's the same story but told from different points of view depending on who's talking. I wish we'd gotten to see more of Bobby and Rufus because I think those two are hilarious and really think that this could be funny, even if it was just a web series with twenty-minute episodes. How much I need this in my life: 10/10, I love Bobby and Rufus and I think that they have a lot of interesting hunting stories to tell.

GHOSTFACERS GHOSTFACERS GHOSTFACERS. How much I need this in my life: 100000000000000000000000/10, I love the Ghostfacers. That's my whole idea.

A Jack-centric show that's almost a political drama. Jack is the ruler of heaven and is constantly being manipulated by angels, demons, and Death herself. He just wants to make an afterlife paradise, but power-hungry angels won't leave him alone. Remember that Jack is very young and trusting by nature, so there is a lot of potential for disaster if he gets goaded into doing something, like making new universes or ending existing ones. Cas is a main character and he does his best to protect Jack, but he has to be careful to not seem overprotective/like another manipulator or Jack won't trust him either. I have no idea if I'm making any sense, but shoutout to me if I am. For some reason, I've always thought that heaven would be an interesting setting for a spin-off, and those angels are pretty similar to power-hungry politicians. How much I need this in my life: 800/10, I would totally watch this.

A very short series that just destroys the canon finale. Twelve episodes, detailing the storylines that were ignored or destroyed by Carry On. E1: Rescuing Cas from the Empty and he and Dean have a long talk about their ~feelings~. They kiss, and for the first time, Dean’s mind is free of doubt about whether or not anyone could ever love all of him. E2: Eileen returns. She says nothing when she sees Dean and Cas holding hands, just raises her eyebrow and smiles knowingly. Some excellent movie night content. E3: 1 year later. Sam and Eileen’s wedding. Dean and Cas aren’t legally married, but their matching gold rings are very prominently shown. It isn’t mentioned. The wedding is almost canceled because of the rain, but with a wave of Jack’s hand the clouds disappear and the birds start to sing. E4: Sam and Eileen have moved out of the Bunker. Cas finally convinces Dean to downsize, so they find a little house in Lawrence and settle down. Cas works as a special ed teacher. Dean works as a mechanic. Miracle loves the backyard but makes sure to stay away from the beehives in the back corner. E5: Sam and Eileen’s twins, Mary and Maura, are born. Dean and Cas love their nieces, and Jack loves them too. He doesn’t know what to call himself, so they settle on Uncle and call it good. E6: Deaths. They all die old. Cas’s vessel has aged, but he can’t die, so when Dean finally passes away in his sleep, Cas scatters his ashes in the woods and disappears, ascending to heaven, to spend eternity with Dean. The closing scene is a dark screen, with the whoosh of wings and a soft “Hello, Dean.” OK. That was a long one. My apologies. How much I need this in my life: 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/10. I would reach nerdvana thirty seconds into episode one.

Another spinoff of that idea is just...Dean and Cas living a normal life. Short episodes. Cas goes to the grocery store. Dean drags Cas to a horror movie fan convention. Cas meets a roomba. How much I need this in my life: I can’t type enough zeroes to express it.

Campbell prequel that focuses on Mary and her childhood. Mary being raised as a hunter but not being allowed on hunts. Mary rushing home to finish her chemistry homework so she can help her dad track a nest of vampires moving east. Mary missing her prom to help Samuel on a hunt. Mary trying to keep her real life secret from John, a man she knows loves the parts of her he knows about. Mary always being an outsider, the kindest and most beautiful girl in her class, but so slow to trust and quick to speak that everyone is afraid to be her friend. Mary is a character that has the potential a lot more development, for twelve seasons she’s the burning martyr in every Winchester’s imagined paradise. She deserves more. How much I need this in my life: 11/10, Mary isn’t my favorite character but I would die for her.

Gabriel spin-off. That’s it, that’s the idea. How much I need this in my life: 10000000/10, Gabriel is a character that we don’t know a lot about so there are so many possible directions for a story about him to go.

Show set in the SPN universe that doesn’t really interact with the main show’s canon. It’s about two cops in the 30s that become hunters by accident. After investigating the apparent suicide of a hunter in their small town, they become enthralled by her library, filled with books about ghosts and vampires. They pour over her journals on their own time, fascinated by what they’re reading. They get to know the hunter through her writings, her accounts of her hunts and travels. Eventually, a nest of vampires settles in the town and the two put their newfound knowledge to the test. This show would just be based on canon lore, there wouldn’t be any mention of the Winchesters or other main characters, although a few MoL team-ups is definitely a possibility. The two become quite a team, tracking werewolf backs on bulletin boards in their basements and hoarding rock salt. How much I need this in my life: 89/10, I think this could be really interesting and I am a sucker for historical hunters.

Speaking of historical hunters-Samuel Colt prequel. Cowboys, vampires, cowpires. Hunting in the wild west, galloping across the prairie chasing a pack of werewolves. This show could also tell us a lot about how different types of monsters spread across the U.S. Ghosts will go anywhere people go, but what about vampires? Shapeshifters? Ghouls? What was it like to hunt without technology to help with research? The hunters in this series would be the authors of the journals that modern hunters use every day. They’re the ones that tested tracking and trapping methods. Again, no idea if this is making sense, but I think that a supernatural western would be really awesome and would expand/substantiate the canon lore. How much I need this in my life: 1000000000000000000000000000000/10, I love cowboys and I love Supernatural. This is literally the best thing that could ever happen to me.

Crowley. I want to know more about him. A series that tells us all about Fergus Roderick MacLeod, starting with when he was born in Scotland and ending with his death in All Along the Watchtower. We know that Rowena was his mother, that he was a tailor, that he sold his soul for an extra three inches ~down there~, and that he was a terrible dad. I want to know more about his childhood, about the people he made deals with, about how he became king of the crossroads and of Hell. Crowley was a very interesting character that was abused by the story. I want to know more about him. How much I need this in my life: 10000000000000000000000000000000000000/10, I really do love Crowley and I would watch this a thousand times over.

Final idea: MOTW only. No season arc, no overall storyline. New hunters every episode, from all different times, from over the world. All kinds of monsters. One episode in Victorian England, the next in 1990s Los Angeles. Very few recurring characters, if any. The recurring characters would be the Bobby Singers of the world; the lore guys that you call when you need help. Each new character has their own style, own car, own music, own personality. The show could have some a m a z i n g guest stars because they’d only appear in a few episodes. There are so many possibilities for episodes, even if they weren’t full length. How much I need this in my life: 100000/10, I love MOTW episodes and would really like to get to know the characters. It would be very easy to write one-off fanfics for this show, and also very easy to introduce this show’s characters into Supernatural’s canon.

You made it to the end!!!!!!!! That’s all I have for now. Sorry for writing so much, I just can’t stop thinking about SPN and all of the wasted stories.

#al speaks #spn #spn spin-offs #my ideas #i worked hard on this #big brain time #do you like it?

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wannawritefast · 3 years

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Whiplash: Chapter 1- Playing Defense

A/N: Hey, y’all. I know the prologue didn’t get a whole lot of attention but I’ve written a substantial amount for this and I am VERY proud of how much I’ve written and what I’ve written. Also, huge shoutout to @andtheswordwentsnickersnack for beta reading this beast of a fic that I’ve been working on for WAYYYY too long LMAO...

Pairing: BoRhap!Brian May x fem!Reader

Prologue

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, awful men, sexism

You loved your family. Really, you did.

But there were times, and many times they were, that you would have been more comfortable ripping your own hair out strand-by-strand than having to sit through another session of verbal abuse.

You weren’t entirely certain what you had done, if anything, to deserve such discrimination from your grandfather, father, and brother amongst a few cousins and uncles. It was like 3 generations of men in your family had decided to use you as a verbal punching bag.

You still vividly remembered the time you had told them that you didn’t particularly appreciate how they talked to you. They laughed right in your face and told you to grow a thicker skin. That Y/l/n’s were a tougher breed than most and that if you couldn’t handle it then maybe you weren’t of their blood.

October break wasn’t any different. Your family had met up for your annual dinner together aside from Christmas.

“And what about you? When are you going to settle down, Y/n?” your grandfather quipped after shoveling a spoonful of mashed potatoes. “I want some great-grandbabies!”

Before you could even open your mouth in response your brother, James, chimed in. “I wouldn’t count on anyone banging her anytime soon.”

“Well,” you chuckled, “would you look at who’s talking?” James grumbled to himself and threw a pea at you which you successfully evaded. You turned your head to address your grandfather. “And I’m not your only grandchild. You have a grandson too, you know.”

You nodded toward your brother and your grandfather hardly even blinked at the last sentence. He either didn’t hear you or didn’t care. Proof that he used any and every opportunity to undermine you. Your grandfather scoffed and mumbled to himself gruffly.

You practically heard your father’s eye roll. “Your career is only so fulfilling.”

“Dad, I’m an astrophysicist and a damn good one, I’d like to think. If my career wasn’t fulfilling enough, I’d be seriously questioning all of the time and money I spent at university writing my thesis and graduating top 5 in my year.” You took a bite out of your roll. Why did you have to defend yourself every time you came home? It was exhausting!

“I’m just saying that you aren’t fully happy until you’ve settled down.”You rolled your eyes at your father. You didn’t have the time to focus on your love life. You barely had time to do your studies as it was. Furthermore, no man you had met seemed to like you after finding out you were an astrophysicist. Nobody seemed to click with you well.

“Why do I need more than my career to be fulfilled in life?” You asked seriously.The whole table laughed at your question. Even the kiddie table laughed but it was just hive mind reflex. You certainly did want to get married and have a family someday but you were making a point to your father. Who was he to dictate what made you happy?

“Please, Y/n,” James piped up again, “that’s what lonely people say to feel better about themselves.”

Ouch. That one stung more than you should have let it. You took a drink to keep yourself from letting a tear roll.

“Who ever said that she’s single?” Your sister spoke suddenly. You coughed and sputtered on your drink. Your neck turned to Donna so swiftly that you probably could have snapped it.

“Are you implying that my eldest daughter is dating a boy,” your mother raised her brows at you conspiratorially, “and didn’t tell me? Is it that smart, goofy boy you fancied at university for the longest time?” She couldn’t seem to keep a grin from spreading across her face.You flushed red at her question. Nobody needed to know that. Except now they did because you were, apparently, no longer single. Everybody at the table locked their eyes on you, muttering to each other. You looked at your sister in panic.

“Go on,” her voice cracked and she cleared her throat before bringing her cup to her lips. “Tell them about your boyfriend.”

Gee thanks… She had just started digging you into a hole.“Wait just a second! Let’s rewind a moment.” James questioned incredulously. “My sister, the stick in the mud astrophysicist, has a boyfriend? Why haven’t you mentioned him before?”

“It’s not relevant who I may or-” you looked at your sister pointedly; she fiddled with her fork “-may not be dating.” The fact that James wasn’t buying it was making you quite nervous. You were more offended though than anything. “Is it really so hard to believe that I’d be dating someone?”

“Yes!”

“Believe it, James” Donna insisted, pointing her fork at him. Put down your damn shovel!

“Have you banged him?” Your brother asked in the silence.

You picked up your drink and splashed him in the face. Your mother softly scolded you for your actions but you were completely unapologetic for what James more than deserved. How you shared the same DNA with such a tool was beyond you…

“That is hardly your business,” you snipped. You turned and stared down Donna. You were going to have to tell them the truth…

“Ok, that’s quite enough,” your mother stopped everything. Oh, thank the Lord. “We’re here to talk about your sister not her boyfriend.” Thank you, mother. “She’ll just have to bring him over for Christmas!”

You stood up from your chair and it scraped along the floor. What had you done…“That’s ridiculous! What if he wants us to spend time with his family for Christmas?” Why were you even going along with this? Why were you defending your hypothetical boyfriend?

“Then you can split the time between the two!”

“What if he doesn’t want to meet you guys yet?” You suggested. This hole is getting awfully big, Y/n. “Meeting parents is a big deal!” The statement came out as more of a question than a defense. You were honestly hoping for one, just one, objection to stick. “I don’t want to scare him off.”

“Who wouldn’t want to meet us?” Your mother asked. You resisted the urge to answer the question.

“Well, what if we’re not even together anymore by that time?”

“Wow, you really can’t hold onto a man for that long, Y/n? It seems to me like you would have been making this whole thing up if you are ‘broken up’ by then.” James finished wiping his face with a napkin after his encounter with your drink. You locked eyes with him. He was onto you.

“I’m not making this up,” you lied. Apparently you hadn’t put down your shovel yet either.“Then bring him home for Christmas,” James challenged. “Otherwise we’ll know it's a lie.”

Your family was on the edge of their seats and, for the time being, the logistics of the challenge didn’t matter. You were fed up with your brother constantly tearing you down. You were tired of your father not being pleased with anything you did. And you were exhausted by your grandfather’s insistence that you were nothing more than a source for great-grandkids. You got no respect at work and you certainly didn’t get any damn respect at home.

And so you did it. You extended your arm toward your stupid brother’s stupid hand and grasped it firmly with a shake.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, brother dearest.”

[{...}]

Eventually the extended family left and you went to your sister’s bedroom since you were sharing the room and the bed for break.

“Why in the bloody hell would you do something like that?!” You lowered your voice so that your family, more specifically James, wouldn’t hear you. Your sister sat on the bed cross-legged, fiddling with the ends of her hair.

“I’m sorry!” Donna yelled. You shushed her as you brushed your hair. “I couldn’t just watch. James crossed a line with that comment. I just wanted to wipe that stupid smile off of his dumb face.”

“Watch your language, why don’t you?” You teased. She rolled her eyes at you. “But I was fine, honestly. I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t be!” You hissed at Donna to be quiet again. “It was nice for them to shut up for a few moments and see you as a normal human being.”

Your heart was warm but you were in a state of complete panic. “That’s such a sweet sentiment in such a terrible circumstance!” You dug your fingers into your temples and threw yourself onto the bed. “What am I supposed to do? I can’t just go up to a guy and say ‘I need you to be my fake boyfriend because my sister dug me into a bloody hole’! You know I can barely get guys to talk to me on a casual basis!” Your voice dropped in volume, no louder than a whisper. “What makes you think that I can get one to play my boyfriend?” You let out a frustrated sigh.

“I honestly did not foresee the consequences of my actions and I am very sorry.”

“Do you think?” You growled to yourself. “Bloody hell… what am I going to do?”

Your sister scratched the back of her neck. “I mean, you have time… It is only October…”

“But I’m going to have to find someone eventually… if I find one.” You gnawed on a fingernail.

“You’ll be fine!” Donna breathed. She curled herself into the blankets next to you. You felt sick to your stomach.

“Yeah…,” you inhaled deeply, “and I’ve got time…”

#borhap fanfic #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody fanfic #bohemian rhapsody fandom #brian may x reader #gwilym!brian #gwilym!brian x reader #gwilym lee!brian may #gwylim lee!brian may x reader #slow burn #fem!reader #reader insert #friends to lovers #friends to lovers AU #fake dating!au #borhap #fluff #fanfiction #bohemian rhapsody fanfiction

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httpsohnpouts · 3 years

Text

rosie’s 2020 in a nutshell.

2020 has been a really tough and difficult year for us all and in july i decided to finally bite the bullet and start writing again to cure my boredom and to finally put my little creative bursts out there for someone to enjoy. it’s been hard, to say the least, balancing college, my mental health and physical health for that matter, family and home life and then tumblr. but quite frankly, i wouldn’t change it for the world, it’s one of the best decisions i’ve made - i’ve met so so so many great and wonderful people here and i couldnt ever thank them enough for these past five months. so here’s a little shoutout to people who hold a special place in my heart as well as a few of some of my favourite fics —

@heartyyjeno @atbzkingdom @chaoticdeobi @juyeonzz @sunlightwoo @the-romantiques @tbzwurld @uwu0clock @prettyju @hyeyoonwrites @cappujinho @chwe-yeeun @claire @mai @p @fuwa @lsangyeons @mae-gi-writes @prettyskz @honeycobie @honeynyu @sankyeom @moondustaeil @meltingjukyu

ps, im sorry if i missed anyone huhu >< i’m sleep deprived and am not in my right state of mind skdjskjd. i hope you all (including my readers) have a merry christmas and a happy new year. hopefully 2021 has more positivity than this year and that we can go into 2021 wishing all the best. you deserve it. i love you all and am grateful for each and every one of you. (also, special mention to @neoskidz for dealing with my indecisive and impulsive ass for going on hiatus constantly. thankyou for creating such a positive platform for deobis. i cherish you :3)

bea - @chaoticdeobi

my lil beaby. my other half. i’m so happy and grateful to have met you, someone so caring, understanding, thoughtful, trusting and trustworthy, perfect lil bean. i adore you with my whole heart. thankyou for being my lil ray of sunshine. my chaotic sister, thankyou. and ily. mwah :3

sleigh the runway // chanhee

3:12pm // changmin

qiu - @juyeonzz

we haven’t spoken in a hot minute but when we do, it never feels awkward or uncomfortable, it’s like catching up with an old friend. you’re someone ive always looked up to, from the start, you’ve always been someone i can rely on and go to because of your comforting and loving aura. never stop being you🥰

love hotline // younghoon

cover up // eric

ina - @the-romantiques

we met fairly recently but we click really well. you welcomed me and made me feel comfortable, regardless of the awkward beans we are skjdkskd, you’re like my distant older sister. someone who i love dearly and i need to speak to you constantly to know you’ll be there for me, to care for me and support me. i’m really grateful for you. truly

a cup of decency // sunwoo

burried memories // jacob

alesha - @heartyyjeno

my lil buddy. my first tumblr (and deobi) friend. starting from when you first messaged me regarding my eric pfp and we bonded over how sharp his jawline was. and then you forgot who i was 😔🤚🏼 regardless, you’re one of the few people of whom i feel completely safe with, i don’t trust many people and have a hard time opening up, but with you it’s different and i couldnt possibly thank you enough. my lil baby, we protecc and we love 🥰💜

never let you go // changmin

best accident ever // juyeon

dee - @atbzkingdom

mamacita~ bbyg~ i still, to this day, feel guilty for mixing your name up >< but it’s what you signed up for i guess ;) you’re someone i truly felt intimidated by at first, you’re just so talented and loving and sweet and uGh i can’t possibly put into words how much i adore you. even when we talk, i miss you, dang it why you gotta be so darn cute😔🤚🏼 hehe ily. thankyou for being there for me, always.

melodic grandiose // sangyeon

twist of fate // kevin

lisa - @cappujinho

lisa! we don’t talk often, but i feel like we’re fairly similar, we both like our own space and prefer to be left alone but also like that balance of talking to friends and hyping one another up. i appreciate you. quite frankly, i’ve loved and have been reading your works for a couple of years and i didn’t actually think you’d reply to me >< i’m your biggest supporter🥰✨

punch confessions // optional bias

@prettyju

you call me a baby 24/7 but you’re the baby!! you have this comforting and supportive aura around you, your heart is too big for your body, like when you feel sad when i don’t sleep enough, it means a lot to know you care about me as much as i care about you. you’re truly irreplaceable. ily lots🥰

riane - @honeycobie

last, but definitely not least. my baby. my actual baby. i would die for you - quite literally. i’m so happy to have met you, to have gotten to know you. you’re my safe space when i need to relax, you’re so easy to talk to and to get along with and sometimes i forget i’m older because you’re so wise and intelligent and just absolutely magnificent. you know ily right? you should! because i absolutely do. never forget that😙💜

heal // sunwoo (ps, i will never get over the HURT i felt reading this story. literal tears, cried for a solid half an hour)

convenience store // haknyeon

belle - @sankyeom

my precious belle. did i tell you that whenever i think of you, i think of a fairy?? we talk from time to time and quite frankly, talking to you feels like a breath of fresh air after spending hours couped up in a stuffy room. i always enjoy talking to you, reading your work and overall just being able to know you’re doing okay makes me happy. continue being awesome. ily🥰❤️

batter up! // eric

let’s play pretend // hyunjae

#rosie.rants #rosie’s 2020 wrapped!#my lovelies #moots ♡

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peace-coast-island · 3 years

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Diary of a Junebug

Art therapy to deal with life's rotten lemons

Art has helped me in so many ways - and no I'm not exaggerating. It's literally something that keeps me going, helping me get through the day. I wouldn't say that art is my whole life, though it's been kinda more prominent in the past few years, but it's something that gives me a purpose.

That's not to say that I've been creating art all the time. Art blocks happen, lack of inspiration or motivation, or just the need of a break to step back and focus on other stuff. For me, creativity and inspiration are kinda like background apps that are running behind the scenes while I do other things. It's usually open so if inspiration strikes, then I have somewhere to put it to use for later.

Usually when I have an idea, I like to sit on it a bit before getting started - I don't know why, but that's how my brain works, though part of it's probably because I tend to procrastinate. That kind of creative process may not be practical if I plan to run a shop like Daisy Jane - who's usually consistent when it comes to creative output - but for me, it works out perfectly.

Since college, I've gotten into art journaling and now it's become kinda my thing as I've been doing it consistently for a long time. And by consistently I don't mean every day or on a regular basis, but it's something that's stuck with me throughout the years, even more so since I started running the camp. Even when there are days when I don't feel like journaling, it's still in the back of my mind, something to use for later when I do have the motivation to create something. Although I'm not creating content all the time, I'm always open to ideas and inspiration, and that's what keeps me going.

From going on adventures, getting into a new show or movie, reading something interesting, to just hanging around and not doing much - I find inspiration in all these things. I like trying out new and different things because it opens my mind to more ideas, more ways I can express my creativity. I guess that's why I've been journaling a lot more over the years - because there's so much I want to explore and expand on. It'll be interesting to look back on my journal entries in the far future to see how much has changed.

I wonder how future me will look back on these years. Hopefully it'll be mostly good memories.

The reason why I've been thinking so much about how art has helped me is because we've been making a lot of art at the camp. A friend of Daisy Jane has come to visit along with their sister and they're both in need of a break and some art therapy.

I've been following Ken at quillinkstudio since about last year thanks to Daisy Jane and I really enjoy their speedpaints and studio vlogs. Turns out that Daisy Jane knows Ken from college, which was why they gave a shoutout to Happy Floral Mail during a stationery haul video a while ago - and that was how I found out they know each other.

In recent vlogs, they've been opening up about mental health and emotional neglect following the death of their mother a few months ago. They have a complicated relationship with their parents and siblings, which was why they pretty much ran off after finishing college. The only family member Ken has the least antagonistic relationship is Carol, the one who has been constantly left to deal with everyone else's shit, resulting in her putting herself last.

Basically their family life's a mess. Their parents argued constantly - father was neglectful while mother was abrasive, and the siblings were selfish and snobbish - it's hard to believe that Ken came from a family like that. Being the youngest as a latecomer, Ken was probably spared most of the abuse as the father died when they were young and all the siblings except for Carol had moved out.

Carol's basically the neglected middle child who desperately seeks to please, only to be stepped on. Since the father's death, Carol stepped in to care for the mother in hopes of earning her love. While the other four siblings have their own lives, Carol was stuck trying to earn the approval of people who constantly put her down. It's pretty fucking sad and it's no wonder why she has all these problems now.

Ken says that they have mixed feelings about their mother. On one hand she kinda doted on them because they were the baby, often to the point where she forced them to fit into her image of what she wants them to be. They only visited her out of obligation because no matter how far they were, the mother still has strings attached. While she would brag about their success as an illustrator and writer, she also undermined them, pitting them and the siblings against each other.

After the mother died, Carol became lost. All five siblings were in the same room for the first time in years and as expected, it was a disaster. Later Carol and Ken got into a big argument in which Ken told her that if she continued with her self destructive behavior, then the next time they visited home it would be for her funeral. The two "had it out" as they described it, and it made them truly realize how fucked up their family was.

At least some good came out of the whole blow up seeing that Carol's here with us now. The day after, Carol admitted that she wasn't okay and hasn't been for years. So Ken suggested that she come along with them, to leave home and start over. She had always spoke about leaving for as long as they could remember, only to be saddled with the responsibility of taking care of the mother.

Like her sibling, Carol aspired to be an artist. She also dreams of being an actress and singer. And of course, the mother shot her down, forcing Carol to suppress her creativity. At least now, she's slowly finding herself again.

It wasn't easy, but Ken managed to convince Carol to get away. She basically took off without a word, which was really the only way she could've left. There's a lot of unfinished business Carol has to deal with, but for now she has to distance herself, which she's still struggling with.

For now Carol's living with Ken, which admittedly hasn't been easy. They worked out a contract with each other, like promising to keep up with therapy and learning how to communicate in a healthy way instead of letting things blow up. Ken wants to help her as much as they can as long as Carol's willing to do her part. There's a lot to unpack as we can't undo years of trauma, but at least we can put the past behind us and move on to a better future.

Art therapy has been super helpful for Ken and Carol. Along with filming a vlog, Ken's also working on their graphic novel, which is about the stuff they've been talking about on the vlogs regarding their family life. It was something Ken had been working on and off for a while before shelving it because at the time it was too difficult to write about. Now with the mother gone, a weight's been lifted off their shoulders, thus giving the novel a more hopeful message as the initial reason why they shelved it was because it ended up being too bleak.

Carol's been trying out different art mediums, figuring out what calls to her the most. So far it's painting and art journaling, the former which she hasn't done in years, the latter being something new. She's also learning digital art, which she's picking up quickly and seems to be getting into. It's good to see that making art has been helping her a lot.

In between art sessions we've been enjoying the scenery as usual. Carol has been practicing digital art by drawing sceneries, something she found out she enjoys a lot. Having spent most of her life in the suburbs, being out here in nature has been a refreshing change of scenery for her. Seeing her and Ken fascinated by their surroundings feels like watching baby birds taking flight for the first time. The two have a tendency to wander so it's been kinda fascinating to see them get lost in nature.

It's sweet but also kinda sad, especially for Carol. I can't help but feel bad for her, for her wings have been clipped for so long that she's unable to find her way now that the strings holding her back have been cut. At least Ken's there to guide her as she tries to find her footing, to finally take back her life after giving everything to uncaring people who just take, take, take from her.

Healing's a difficult process - they will probably drag each other down more than lift each other up. Ken's been open about how hard things have been for both of them, and while it fucking sucks sometimes, they knew exactly what they signed up for by taking Carol in. Ideally, they want to save their sister, but realistically it's not gonna work out like that. Getting her away and giving her the help she needs won't magically make all her problems go away, but it's a start.

Today, we took a walk along the mountain trail, where we collected berries, moonstones, and maple fern leaves. I've never seen maple fern leaves before as they only bloom every few years according to Isabelle. Since they're rare, we decided to collect a bunch to save for a later project. I have no idea what to do with the leaves yet but I'm sure we can come up with something great.

We wound up staying on the mountains all day as we kinda got lost a bit at that fork in the trail where things kinda get confusing. There's a peak up there I haven't explored until today as whenever I try to look for it, I can't find it. The trail only shows up if we get lost but by then it's getting late so we have to put off exploring for another time. Finally, after years of trying, we finally got to explore the peak!

Getting up there was tricky as the slopes are super steep. We had to take the long way around so we could take short breaks and not risk anyone getting injured. It's a daunting climb, but the view was so totally worth it! Not only the view is breathtaking, I can see even more places to explore. That's what I love about exploring new areas - it's like unlocking a door leading to something bigger.

Since we worked so hard to get up here, it made sense for us to spend the rest of the day making the most out of our discovery. Now that I know how to get there, I now have to find a way to make this area more accessible with things like trail markers and ladders. Ken documented the whole trek for the vlog, an impressive feat as, like I said, the climb wasn't planned. As fun as the whole thing was, don't expect something like that again - in other words, don't try this at home, kids.

(Will that stop me from doing something like that again? Knowing how I tend to be a poor planner, probably not. Then again, I guess it's good to be aware because if things go wrong at least you knew beforehand.)

At the peak, we found a field of colorful pinwheel astras. The light breezes caused the petals to spin, which was fascinating to watch. Normally I don't like looking at spinning things for too long because I'm kinda prone to getting headaches but looking at the pinwheel petals was surprisingly calming. It was kinda funny when the four of us immediately pulled out our tablets/sketchbooks to draw the flowers. We also took a bunch of pics too and they turned out great.

After exploring around the peak for a while, we rested underneath a giant lemon tree. The tree was full of perfect lemons - it was like nothing I've ever seen before. Lemons are kinda hard to come by as they don't grow at the camp, so they're only accessible at the market box for me. Finding a perfect lemon is like striking gold, so to see so many at once is like hitting the jackpot. So of course, we collected a bunch and later made lemonade when we got back to the camp.

Speaking of lemons, Ken and Carol are taking the perfect lemons as some kind of a sign. Something about them growing up with a neighbor who always gave them crappy lemons from their tree that end up sitting in the fridge until they get thrown away. Ken says it's a really long story that's funny and interesting so it looks like they'll have to cover it in the upcoming vlogs about the camp. Seeing how the lemons seem to be a sign of hope for the two, I'm intrigued.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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onceuponalegendbg-rwby · 4 years

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Reaction to RWBY Crew Commentary V7

Whelp, just in time for V8 to premiere in like three weeks. Let’s do this.

Kerry. Miles.

Mentioning the quarantine and stuff.

I think it was a good call to put this first 3/4ths of the episode as the premiere.

I’ve never seen Blade Runner but I get the gist.

I love how they wrote Pietro. He’s just... the best.

Shoutout to Kiersi and Eddy. Because they did a great job.

Poke-Grimm. Gotta beat them all.

While it would have been cool to explore Penny’s return and Ruby’s feelings.... I think they ultimately made the right call.

The foreshadowing and balancing of Ironwood and Atlas’ decent is.... perfect.

Something I always love with the blu-ray is seeing the slight adjustments they’ve made to the animation, saturation, and such.

Oh hey Kiersi. Kerry. Conner.

Exposition episodes are so tricky, I do not envy writers on that.

“It’ll be just like Beacon again!” ....Sigh. She wasn’t wrong.

Daddy Long Legs. That is forever Watts’ name.

Kerry. Miles.

The Shopping Montage debacle.

I like Jaune’s hair in the animation. First glance wasn’t a fan, but in the actual animation it was fine.

Ironwood doesn’t care about Oz’s rules? You don’t say. I’m so shocked.... (Sarcasm)

Love the Adam acknowledgment.

Weiss is perfect. Thanks for noticing.

They may have been a mess at explaining things in the early days but they’ve grown so much. That’s what matters, that they’re trying to do better.

The line between confidence and arrogance.

Miles’ laugh was amazing.

Eddy, Paula, Dustin, Kerry.

Oh so Paula was from Chibi. The Nora moments make a lot of sense now.

We do love the Schnee Family DramaTM.

I love the Winter and Penny stuff too. So yay.

It was a lovely Qrow and Ruby moment. Now if only we’d get a Yang and Qrow moment.

Connor. Eddy. Kerry.

Neon’s new effect is soooooo good.

Adding the Robyn moment was a very good call.

The Schnee Sisters’ progress is also so, so good.

Paula. Kiersi. Miles. Eddy. Kerry. Full house this time.

This episode is a doozy alright.

Bee dancing is so cute.

The perfect fist bump is the greatest testament to being bros.

Penny not being used to sneaky enemies makes sense to me.

Conner. Kiersi. Miles. Eddy. Kerry. Full house once again.

Deep Pockets is such a fun name for Fiona’s semblance.

Miles is very proud of Tyrian’s police report. “Wait, was that approved?” Eddy lmao

“Oh hey, look, it’s what’s her name!” Oh my god mood.

Giving the RWBY girls moments throughout the volume dealing with truth and lies was brilliant. And the pun. Yes.

The vault scene really is pulling a lot of weight.

Dustin. Miles. Kerry.

Can’t see what they do with Whitley in the future.

The JNR moment is just... so fun.

I don’t think any of us expected the Winter and Penny relationship to be so wholesome.

The power dynamic is constantly fluctuating.

Paula. Kiersi. Eddy. Kerry.

The Courtroom Drama of Schnee Manor.

The giant frickin hole and the weak, ineffective AKs. Gosh that still just ticks me off.

Ruby and Oscar riding the high and thinking they’re doing the right thing but .... it probably wasn’t. Was there ever going to be a right time?

Uh oh.

Dustin. Conner. Kiersi. Kerry.

I never even connected with the idea of Knight showing up Marrow being foreshadowing.

The High Life Apartments.

Those anime moments.

Kerry. Paula. Miles.

I would have loved to have Tyrian ask about Qrow’s transformation.

Robyn and Clover are indeed better backup than Ruby against Tyrian.

And now for the downward spiral.

The meeting of the two main factions. So good.

Ironwood has an ego. Say it louder for the people in the back.

Oh no here we go.

Dustin. Conner. Kerry. Kiersi. Eddy.

Yeah the big fight in Volume 5 was... eh. Again, just glad to see the crew grow and learn.

Clover has no idea how big of a threat Tyrian is, and sees Qrow as the big threat. Also, he just wants to ride the soldier line and both Qrow and Tyrian are the outlaws, here.

God that fight is so good, RWBY vs Ace Ops.

Time for the final episode. Kerry. Miles. Eddy.

Farm Young Adult.

Small steps in V7, full steps in V8. Looking forward to that.

Aw Miles. He cried during the Fria recording sessions. That’s so sad and sweet.

Winter makes the call to buy Penny time instead of going for Fria.

Oh dude! Weiss and Winter having this moment where they had their last conversation about their paths! I didn’t even realize.

Monstro baby!

#Rwby #ruby rose #weiss schnee #Blake Belladonna #yang xiao long

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groovyzombiellama · 5 years

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Shoutout To My Ex

Title: Shoutout To My Ex

Requested? Yes.

Plot: You and MGK were dating for a really long time, and when he cheats on you, the two of you end up breaking up. You are also a famous singer and you meet G Easy through a friend, and go on a date with him.

Word count: 1022

Part 2

—***—

When you met Colson, you were both rising in your music genre, so you ended up helping each other a lot. And all the time you two spent together brought you closer and closer, until the two of you ended up dating. He made you happy and you did your damn best to make him happy as much as he made you. Things were going well, you were both getting more and more recognition with your music, and your relationship was flourishing. You felt like you had everything you ever needed in life and more than you could ever ask for. At the beginning of your relationship, you and Colson set some ground rules if you wanted things to work. It was no big deal, just so you both know that you are on the same page. One of the things you told Colson was that if he cheated on you, you were done, for good. You didn’t plan on being that girl that gets cheated on over and over again, and still lets a man lure her back with him so he can cheat on her again. Once you were gone, you were gone for good. At that time Colson chuckled at you, and leaned down to kiss the tip of your nose, wrapping his arms around you, saying hell would freeze over before he’d do something like that.

Well, I guess he was talking about Norse mythology when he talked about hell freezing over, because he did exactly what he said he never would. Not only did he cheat on you, but he ended up dating her aswell. It wasn’t the typical scene of you walking in on the two of them toghether and have him trip over his own feet and the sheets covering his naked body, as you flee running, your vision fuzzy with tears. You did cry, but when he confessed to you what he did. The two of you were having dinner and you could feel that something was wrong, because he kept squirming in his seat. And the nicer you were, the worse he got. You even remember the exact moment down to the second when he told you. He was at a party after a concert and drank a little too much. He would get drunk here and there, but that night he went a little too far, and ended up having sex with one of the girls he met a the party.

You didn’t even notice the moment your tears started to roll down your cheeks. Your entire body froze and you could barely move. The moment you came back to your senses was when you felt Colson’s hand reach to touch your face. You quickly jerked back, startled by his touch, and moved as far away as you could from him. At first you were calm, collected, cold even, and Colson wished you’d scream at him, hit him, do anything other than keep it all in and hurt yourself even more. And then you did, you rushed up to your shared room and grabbed all of his stuff and threw them over from the top flor onto the living room couch downstairs. You grabbed every picture frame that had the two of you in it and flung it on the wooden table next to the couch, Colson running to avoid the glass shards of the frames, and he grabbed your arms, trying to stop you. You trashed in his arms, losing part of your strenght for a moment, which allowed Colson to hug you, sighing and closing his eyes, only now feeling the huge weight on his heart for what he did.

But soon enough you were back at it, grabbing your suitcase and placing your stuff in it hurriedly. Colson did his best to try to stop you, but you pointed a finger at him, warning him that you will indeed hit him if he doesn’t move away from you. And so he let you gather all of your things and walk out of his house and out of his life. What hurt you even more was when your friends told you that he was in fact now dating said girl he cheated on you with. That felt as if he had cheated on you all over again. Seeing the photos of the two of them going to dinners, holding hands, it made you feel sick. You had even paused your music for a while in the first stages of the breakup, but you were soon back on stage, recording albums and writing songs. Getting back in touch with some of your producer friends led you to getting to know some new people. And that’s how you met Gerald Earl Gillum, also known as G-Eazy, and the two of you started hanging out.

He soon asked you out on a date and you accepted, soon letting it lead into a relationship. You and Gerald were known as the kinda explicit/weird couple. You would occassionally post stories and pictures to instagram of your relationship, in some of which you or both of you were naked and the only thing covering your private parts were Gerald’s hands. And your fans lived for the tweets you were sending each other, and it was only a matter of time before Colson and his new girl, Chantel, saw you too. Colson’s breath hitched in his throat as he saw another semi nude between you and Gerald, and suddenly remembered that he still followed you on instagram all over again, but just didn’t have the strenght to press that unfollow button, no matter how much he tried. It hurt him that he never got a chance to talk to you after you left, and he knew that it would take a long time to get to you, but he hoped you would let him see you again. But you had no plans of ever even seeing Colson, let alone talking to him. You were good exactly the way you are now, and you were happy with Gerald. You weren’t gonna let anyone, especially not Colson change that.

---***---

I hope you liike it anons, I haven’t written a lot of these sad imagines, but I hope I haven’t messed it up :) <3

I have a lot to study and I’m constantly babysitting my nephews due to the fact that both my brother and sister-in-law are working, but I will update as soon as I can, meanwhile you can send in your requests and check out the requests I answered to know what’s coming up :)

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suzu-kun22 · 5 years

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Killua Zoldyck: the all-time best boy

Since (hopefully) I’ll be posting this on Killua Zoldyck’s birthday (July 7th), this feels like as good a time as any to actually talk about why the white-haired little shit of an assassin is my favorite anime character of all time. Sure, I have plenty of characters that I’m obsessed with, tons and tons that I would die for, write fanfictions about, reblog fan art of, read fanfictions about, cry over, etc. But none of them come close to matching what I feel for a select few characters, my top 10 list, which has changed slightly over the years. However, the top 5 have yet to change. As much as the last five have shuffled over recent years, with a special shoutout going to Ray from The Promised Neverland, who managed to knock Reg from Made in Abyss out of the top 10 and climb all the way to number 6, the top 5 have remained exactly the same.

And Killua Zoldyck has remained squarely at number one ever since I watched Hunter x Hunter (2011) back at the end of 2015 and beginning of 2016. Back when I was the same age as him and lacked a lot of the same social skills and friends that Killua’s upbringing stole from him. Back when I saw a character who could deal with most any problem effortlessly and thought to myself, ‘I want to be like that.’

A long time ago, I wrote about Izuku Midoriya. I wrote about why I loved Izuku Midoriya after only two episodes of My Hero Academia, about how he was a character who I both related to and aspired to be like. And that is exactly how I felt about Killua at the very beginning of Hunter x Hunter. He was a character who was fun to be around, fun to watch, bounced off the other characters with so much charisma, charm, and grace that he was mesmerizing to behold. I wanted to be like him. To be able to see a person my age and simply say, ‘hey! Let’s be friends!’

But, as the show continued, we learned more about Killua’s life. His inability to maintain a relationship because it was simply something that wasn’t taught to him. His family’s disapproval of his kindness and compassion for other human beings. And Killua climbed down from his pedestal. He went from a bouncy, fun, terrifying little assassin child who could do no wrong to an actual,,, person. There really isn’t any other way to describe the way that Hunter x Hunter portrays its characters. Even those who are murderers, villains, literally human-eating ants, feel entirely, inarguably human. And Killua was the first to become so. And the way the show humanized him, portraying him as someone who we see as perfect, charismatic, charming, social, as someone who just wants a friend, just wants to be a normal kid and have fun adventures with someone who wants him around just resonated with me.

All of this is just in the first 26 episodes. Killua just continues getting better and better from here. His arc is about finally getting what he’s wanted all these years, a friend, fun adventures with said friend, and to, just a little bit, be normal. Okay, maybe not normal. But a little bit more normal than he was before he met Gon. And he loves every second of it. He’s just overjoyed to actually have a friend, to be going on fun adventures with his friend, even if they’re constantly in life-threatening situations and doing absolutely insane nonsense, Killua is having an absolute blast.

And then the ants come.

While the Chimera Ant Arc is not my personal favorite arc of the series (that honor going to the Yorknew City Arc), I have no words to describe the raw... emotion that most of the arc manages to invoke in those who watch it. From Meruem’s entire brilliant character arc to Gon’s all-encompassing mental breakdown, every character is given something to set them apart from the time they had before this brutal experience.

Killua learns that his brother was right.

He learns that, no matter how much you care about someone, how much time you’ve spent with them, how much you’ve been through together, how much you’ve done for them, people will still hurt you. Having friends still means that sometimes people will put themselves before you. They’ll leave, sometimes, and maybe they come back, like Gon did, but maybe they don’t. Killua learns that what his brother said about friends abandoning you is right, sometimes. He ends the show away from Kurapika, away from Leorio, and away from Gon.

But, of course, that isn’t all that he learns.

Killua learns that sometimes people are worth it. He learns that sometimes when you love someone enough, when you care about someone enough, getting hurt for them is okay. Getting hurt for their sake can be worth it. He learns that friendships aren’t meant to be conflict-free and perfect, and he learns to handle it. He learns that you can’t give up on people, you can’t leave them behind, and that you can’t simply run away.

Killua has been taught all his life to run away when you can’t win. But Gon doesn’t do that. Ever. He stands his ground and fights. And Killua learns to do that in his very own way. When Gon needs him, when his entire family stands in the way of what Killua wants for himself, for Gon, and for his baby sister, he doesn’t run away. He doesn’t give up, even though he knows that it’s more than likely that he won’t succeed. He stands strong, he doesn’t run away, and he takes what he needs to claim his victory.

He saves Gon. Because, despite the pain that Gon has put him through recently, despite how angry he is with him, despite everything, he knows that Gon would do the same for him.

Killua Zoldyck ends Hunter x Hunter (2011) a strong, compassionate, caring, and loving person. He sheds much of his more callous nature, though never sheds the sly humor and bouncy confidence he’s had since the beginning. He changes from a little kid who doesn’t know the first thing about having friends, to a real human being, fully grown and capable of caring for his little sister the same way he was never cared for.

Killua Zoldyck begins Hunter x Hunter (2011) as an inexperienced young kid with the world ahead of him. He ends Hunter x Hunter (2011) as a slightly older kid who has experienced more than most adults will in their entire lives, and Killua Zoldyck grows up. He grows up into a healthy, functional human being. He puts his abusive family behind him, saves his little sister from the same situation, and he moves on with his life while keeping the things that are most important to him.

And that is a very long-winded way of saying that Killua Zoldyck is one of the most lovable and relatable characters in all of anime. And that is why he has stayed at the very top of my list of favorite anime characters for as long as he has.

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ladyshiranui · 5 years

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Toki no Kizuna: Hakuoki’s “Prequel”

I still can’t believe I didn’t know about this game’s existence until twenty four hours ago. Shoutout to my girl @mizunui for showing it to me. I love you 3000. Also shoutout to my peeps @girl-weeb-stuff , @hareyakana-rin and @kanaryia who’re like me and left out of the loop.

This is a real brief rundown of literally what i have just discovered (if there is anyone else out there that didn't know this was a thing until now), but there's definitely stuff online, even gameplay on youtube you can take a look at yourself.

"Toki no Kizuna", or "Demon's Bond", was made for PSP in 2012 (Hakuoki was first made and released in 2008) but can also be played on Android and IOS as part of the "Shall We Date?" series. You can download it and play the prologue for free, but from that point on you will have to pay for which ever route you want to pursue. The total cost adds up to what you would pay for Hakuoki on Steam anyway. The storyline is set in 1599, so 250+ years before the canonical events of Hakuoki. Sources say "it can be considered as a prequel to Hakuoki", not "is". But, honestly, how can it NOT be a prequel!?

The pursue-able routes of the game are four demon chiefs of their own clans, the Kazama clan, Amagiri clan, Shiranui clan and Yukimura clan, the Princess of the Yase clan leading them all. As the player, you play as Yukina Suzumori, chief of the Suzumori clan. She is quite the contrast to the sweet, timid, oblivious Chizuru we know. This makes it extremely interesting; if we assume that clan leadership is passed down through blood relatives within each respective clan, we can say that each demon we meet in this game is the great-grandparent of Chikage, Kyuju, Kyo, Chizuru and Kaoru, and Sen!

Again, I really know next to nothing about this game, but here's a brief introduction to everyone for those who are in the same boat as me lol.

Heroine/Chief of the Suzumori clan: Yukina

The "Chizuru" of Demon's Bond, the matriarch, the player's eyes. She's the one who gets to choose who she falls in love with, you feel? She also has a white hawk for a companion, named Ginou. She was forced to become chief of her clan when the previous chief was murdered. Thus, she was orphaned at a very young age, raised by three other demon leaders until she was old enough to lead. She has a very serious personality, determined to respect and abide the ways of old.

Chief of the Yase clan: Princess Yase

Frickin omg she's so beautiful she's like Sen and Kimigiku mashed into one goddess. Yase considers herself very close to Yukina and treats her as though she were her little sister. At the beginning of the game, she calls together a meeting with the other demon chiefs. With her power of clairvoyance, she sees into the future and foretells a terrible war taking place among the humans, being the Battle of Sekigahara. It is during this meeting where the demon law to retreat from human interaction and to not associate one's self with them is put into place. If you've played/watched Hakuoki, you would know this rule is reiterated several times by Chikage Kazama.

Chief of the Kazama clan: Chitose

This guy is hella badass. Very Chikage-esque. He constantly tells Yukina that she is a terrible swordsman and often makes fun of her. He also has a close friendship with a human named Tomohisa Shimazu, which proves to be difficult to maintain with the new demon law put into place.

Chief of the Amagiri clan: Kazutake

A quiet, kind, big-brother type demon. He also is friends with a human named Ishida Mitsunari, but is closer to a business deal with the intention of acquiring extra land for his clan. Another VERY familiar trait about him is that he fights with his fists, and has a personal rule of never hitting women and children. If this doesn't sound like an ancestor of Kyuju Amagiri, then I don't know what does. It would've been even cooler if he had the same red-hair rat tail as his descendant.

Chief of the Shiranui clan: Shin

an actual shiranui route holy shit.

What a HUNK. Look at those MAJESTIC EYES. Literally all the wiki says about him is that he's arrogant and flirty. Definitely Kyo's ancestor. He also has long, tied up hair, which is a nice similarity to the bluenette. A contrast to him through would be the way he dresses. I mean, obviously because it's 250+ years prior to the westernization that inspired Kyo's attire, but he just looks like Sesshomaru mashed with some red-hair gene and Kyo's personality.

Chief of the Yukimura clan: Kazuya

This soft boy has a very quiet and serious nature, similar to Kaoru Yukimura I dare say. He used to work for Ieyasu Tokugawa for sometime, the Shogunate, until he split ties due to his belief the man was no longer what he used to be. Dare I come up with a little theory-- this could be how the shogunate was first introduced to the oni race, which inevitably leads to the introduction of Kodo Yukimura and the secret research and development of the Water of Life under the Shogunate's orders.

I am absolutely going to buy this game, and so I'd love to make a more detailed description of each demon, connecting the dots with the Hakuoki events and such. I'm honestly just stoked. Again, if you'd like to play the game yourself, you can find it on the app store for Android and IOS as "Shall We Date?: Demon's Bond". There are also existing gameplays of routes on youtube, as well as a tonne of official art online!

To get you started and all hyped, check out the opening. It’s a head-banger. Also, the vocals are sung by the same girl who sings the opening to Hakuoki: Reimeiroku!

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You can absolutely expect to see this as part of the blog. I am deeming this canon and 100% relevant to Hakuoki and the demon clans (*´∀｀*)

#i had to redo this four times because desktop kept screwing me over #Toki no Kizuna #expect a shit tonne of this on my blog now #this is absolutely hakuoki relevent

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