My opthalmologist drove me up a fucking wall today. She kept wanting to reduce the magnification on my reading glasses because someone in their 30s shouldn't need something that strong. She kept saying that "shouldn't" and "age group" until I had to take a hard stance with her.

"I have osteoporosis, I've been through menopause, I've been sick with chronic illnesses since I was 15. My age group is irrelevant to my health."

She was annoyed with me I could tell. I'd seen another doctor in the practice last time as a fill in who was super thorough. For the followup, I requested that they switch that woman to my regular doctor instead. I don't deal with doctors who try to force me into the "normal" box and don't address my actual problems.

Smfh my doctor still hasn't fucking finished my housing paperwork. I'm homeless you fucker. Just sign the damn thing. You literally prescribed me crunches because of my mobility issues, I obviously qualify.

What’s YOUR personal experience with these disorders? :-)

Hello anon! I know I’ve made this post before but it’s buried somewhere. So here it is! Buckle up folks!

I always struggled with bad periods. Heavy flow, horrific cramps, irregular timing. I just thought that’s what it is and everyone deals with it. I figured the pain I experienced trying to use tampons was all in my head, some psychological fear due to my religious upbringing.

It wasn’t until college that I realized maybe my experience wasn’t normal. Maybe people aren’t supposed to be in this much pain. Maybe something was wrong. My pain got to be so overwhelming that I went to the emergency room. After a rather traumatic experience, I was eventually told that I had ovarian cysts and one of them had ruptured, and just go to my OBGYN and take some Advil. (Great advice, wonderful care. /s)

PCOS was in my family history, and my aunts and sisters all struggled with it. My then OBGYN diagnosed me with it, but basically said the same thing as the ER nurses. Take some ibuprofen and birth control and get over it. A diagnosis doesn’t do anything.

I had another episode with cysts about two years later, after I was out of college. I knew what it was this time, and I knew they’d only tell me the same thing. Take Advil and stop crying. So I didn’t bother going to the ER, and I tried to deal with the pain on my own. My (much nicer) OBGYN monitored the two softball sized cysts on my right ovary, and said we’d just keep an eye on them until they went away. That worked for a while, but not for long. One night my mother insisted on taking me to the ER because I was practically screaming in pain. After another traumatic visit, I was, you guessed it, told to take Advil and go home. It was probably another rupture.

Except it wasn’t. The next day I visited my OBGYN for an ultrasound so she could see what was going on. I was called back later that night and told to come in for emergency surgery. The cysts were torsing my ovary and cutting off the blood supply. Very scary situation, I’d never had a big surgery before. I was rushed in for the laparoscopy. This procedure usually takes less than a half hour. For me, I was on the table over two and a half hours. The reason being, not only did I have two huge cysts, but I was discovered to also have endometriosis. The cysts and all my organs had lesions, and everything was fused together. My OBGYN had to scrape the extra tissue from all my organs, she said it was the worst case of endo she’s ever seen, and I must have the highest pain tolerance ever to not be screaming my head off all day long. It was during this surgery I lost my right ovary, dead from having no blood supply.

Recovering from that surgery took me six months. It was brutal and at times, humiliating. My insides were raw and my muscles felt like goo. The only good thing to come out of it was meeting my lovely physical therapist, whom I still talk to today.

Today, five years later, I still deal with PCOS and endo. I have it mostly under control with the depo shot and many other medications. But… I struggle to lose weight, I have high blood pressure, I have major chronic fatigue, I’m at risk for diabetes, I still have migraines and flare ups and GI problems. My health is always going to be a problem for me. I am always going to be battling my hormones. I am going to struggle getting pregnant, if I even can. I am always going to have the risk of losing my other ovary and going into early menopause. I can only pray that these two disorders don’t take away more from me.

Tw: menstruation, vent post, parents.

Thinking about how when I was a teen, I had really painful menses. At times, it was so bad that my legs felt like they were tingling, and standing was difficult. I was sent home from school on a number of occasions due to vomiting during my menstruation.

Overall, a really shitty time.

Not only was I frequently told I was being over dramatic, that I just needed to "walk around," eventually restricted from going home or seeing the school nurse... But I was told because I'm trans, it shouldn't be an issue.

My mother told me on a multitude of occasions, "If you're a boy, then you shouldn't be having these issues, huh?"

"Boys don't have these problems."

I hold so much bitterness over the fact that no one ever took me to the doctor for my painful menstruation. My mother told me years later that she didn't believe cramps actually happened during menstruation because she had never had them before. She only began to believe people get cramps when she had some herself, years after I was now missing menses all together.

Sometimes, that bitterness of feeling pain that no one believed me for, out weighs being invalidated. Other times, like now, I see the whole picture and feel so much anger.

The same adults who told me my pain was a lie, told me I was just trying to get attention, or get out of school, are the same ones who told the doctors, "She has a really high pain tolerance, we just know something is wrong when she complains about the head aches!"

Why is it that no one took me to the doctor? Why is it no one believed me when I never complained about pain before? The years of perfect school attendance suddenly questioned when I couldn't stand up from the desk. Was it all for nothing?

Why is it that the people I was supposed to trust the most were the ones who never listened?

Maliciously never listened.

I was punished for having a body that I didn't ask for and feeling a way I couldn't control.

I'm allowed to struggle with my anatomy, trans or not. I'm allowed to feel pain.

To be told I wasn't allowed to express the physical pain I was dealing with because I am transgender is heinous. They laughed when they would say it. I don't care if they thought it was funny. It was a mockery, and they knew it.

I should have been given some support. I should have been given at the VERY LEAST a supportive pat on the back.

I could have dealt with the pain on my own if they had just given me the space to do it. Without the shame and mockery.

Just before my menses went away, they started to believe me. I guess because it had been years at that point.

Even though the only change was that they would let me go lay down rather than be forced to socialize or do their activities. It really made a difference. Sure, it was painful, I was sick and couldn't eat. But it was a million times better than being made to continue as usual and burden everyone with my inability to function.

It still irks me.

Cymbalta almost killed me and I tried to call to tell my doctor and the receptionist was just like okay we put it down in your chart as an allergy bye!

Like bruh??? Lemme talk to the doctor??? Get a replacement prescription of something else??? So I can oh idk still be getting treatment and not have to wait til my next appointment in November? Wtf?

Update. I am furious.

Gotta love it when you reach out for help from multiple sources when you’re struggling and they just be like “Idk man take an online workshop”

It’s Disability Pride Month!!

So I’m gonna talk about something I’ve been thinking about recently. TW for talk about SA (nothing graphic, didn’t happen, is a fear)

Obviously with the overturning of Roe v. Wade people are worried about contraceptives and gay rights, as those are the things that were directly, vocally threatened. I think there’s an equally, if not more at-risk community when it comes to privacy based rights being taken away. 

My sister, who I’ve talked about quite a bit on here, is severely disabled. She is autistic, cognitively disabled (she doesn’t know how to read, she couldn’t be potty trained, she is at the cognitive ability of a toddler, and she has been since she was a toddler) epileptic, and she has bipolar disorder and OCD. She is violent, so she moved into a group home when I was 14, I am now 20 going on 21. In her first home, that was co-ed, a boy she’d gone to school with assaulted her. They never got along, and he ended up choking her. She had bruises on her neck. Before we were told exactly what happened, we at first were terrified that one of the male caretakers had taken advantage of her.

My sister is on birth control. It helps with her mood swings, which would only get worse on her period, and it’s also a level of protection incase anything Does happen to her like we fear could. Nowadays she lives in a group home with just 3 other women, and I’m pretty sure all of their caretakers are women. But bad things can still happen. At the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic, many states were talking about caring for people as disabled as her last, meaning people like my sister were seen as second class citizens in those states. Luckily, our state was not one of them. My whole family got Covid at the tail end of 2021/very beginning of 2022. Including my sister. She was the only one who needed to be hospitalized, since all of us, including her, are fully vaxxed. She was fine one day, seemed kind of sick the next. The day she started seeming sick, two caretakers took her to the ER and by the time she got there she had a fever of 107 degrees Fahrenheit  (41.6 degrees Celsius). My mother rushed there and stayed with her, sleeping in a chair for a week while Also Having Covid because my sister is nonverbal and wasn’t able to learn sign language or how to properly use PECS when she was younger. The doctor constantly miscommunicated with my mother (told my mom that my sister would need to go to a nursing home because her current house wouldn’t take her back, which WASN’T TRUE) and said things like “She’s young, so she has a chance.”

She was allowed to go home after a week. She ended up in the hospital again in March. She had long Covid, meaning that the effects of Covid made her weaker, meaning all the meds she’s on were doing too much and causing her extreme fatigue. She was too tired to eat or drink, resulting in her slipping into a coma and experiencing kidney failure. This time, the doctors thought that she might’ve done it on purpose for some reason. When the psychologist came in he kept telling my mom that he wanted to let my sister, who AGAIN is NONVERBAL in every way, try to talk. Obviously he looked pretty stupid.

Anyways, my point here is that medical professionals are already shit when taking care of people like my sister. If anything gets worse for us, things will get EXPONENTIALLY worse for women like her. We need to be looking out for our most vulnerable population right now. I understand people worrying about themselves first, but my sister doesn’t have the cognition to understand she should be scared. Scared of not being allowed birth control. Scared of what could happen to her if she were to be assaulted. Scared of pregnancy. She doesn’t even understand what pregnancy is.

These are people who need to be protected. Disabled people are always the first to be targeted by fascism. Eugenics is the first step taken when people want to start oppressing people, because generally speaking no one does anything when disabled people are hurt. People like my sister are often seen as an extra weight on society, as a waste or resources and money. This is not true. People like my sister are a joy to be around and deserve the best care, not the shit that they deal with now. 

Later on I will be posting about my own experiences as a disabled individual. Thanks to anyone who read this. 

TW Vent (ig?)

Ignore if you don't want to read/can't stand it this stuff

I was at doctor office to get papers whether or not I can go back and work or not

he got mad at me literally when I was in the doorway bc I didn't have paper in hand so he can see it

when I said all my symptoms that everything hurts me so badly that I literally have difficulty with getting up from bed, can't stand on my legs for more than like half an hour cuz they literally buckle under me from pain, I need help with certain tasks and on top of that sleeping problems all he said was "mhm" and didn't ask anything abt it or asked if anything else is wrong

and later I argued with him bc I told him that next week I'll go and make an appointment fro more tests and he got mad cuz "I can't just go and do that I need a refferal" to which I said yeah I know I got it and was there already and they said to call them next week to set a date for it cuz they can't do it this week

and he kept telling em same thing that I need refferal and can't just go and make appointment and I had to explain to him the same thing with him saying the same thing and after like 4th time he got it

then he wrote on paper I'm able to work despite the fact that I didn't get results of my test CUZ I LITERALLY DIDN'T HAVE THEM YET AND I'M WAITING TO CALL THEM NEXT WEEK

why can't I have normal doctor

I literally know two doctors that are normal, nice and most importantly do their work for like around 10/20 I met that are not only rude but don't even do their fucking work

then when I called "mom" odc she argued with me bc I have to go and I said that I won't

then she said I'll have to go to psychologist so they can diagnose me with depression so that I'll be exempt from exams, school and that one month of apprenticeship when summer break is supposed to be

no that's not how it works

2. it's funny how she's the one to tell me to go see psychologist mrs "your life is too good and you're just lazy and looking for attention I gave you everything and you're just pretending"

later she sent me one of that gifs on fb with easter wishes and bunnies and told me to stop being so butthurt

UGH

STUPID

i wanna drawwwww

I want

no

I need cuddles and headpats from dca

stupid hurting arm and broken pc

>:(

I remember when I was hospitalized and I was in the recovery room, this doctor came in and started bombarding me with questions I didn't feel comfortable answering and took my "I don't know."s and "I don't remember."s as me "Faking it." and "Begging for attention." Like, dude. I just got out of a traumatic experience, I'm not gonna just calmly tell someone who's being a hard ass what's wrong with me. He was such an asshole. It all happened in front of my mom too and she didn't do or say anything.

I hope that doctor suffers the worst possible fate ever

my god my neurologist is a tool

he said that my symptoms can't be POTS unless I hear my heart racing

And that my symptoms that all my other doctors think is POTS

is just a low blood pressure symtpom

A symptom of my low (120/69) blood pressure.

And despite all that

He prescribed me midodrine anyway

major props to christopher eccleston for acting out the lines "i couldn't save your world. i couldn't save any of them" with such subtle and layered emotions while also struggling against mannequin people trying to throw him into a pit of lava (he is very clearly standing on a styrofoam pad lit by LED lights)

thinking abt how david tenant's nonbinary kid will grow up with a doctor who that is unashamedly inclusive of trans people. they'll see their dad on TV with a trans girl who saves the world.

FUCK U DOCTOR! IM BULKING!!!

The Gamesters of Triskelion

everything about lydia finally being able to rest and not rage anymore (and even how the bad kids and specifically kristen approached her this season!) feels like a disability metaphor to me. the feeling of getting to rest after years of rage and how it can so easily be read as finding the right medication or accommodation. the way kristen immediately tries to get the gem out and how obvious lydia’s relief (and disbelief tbh) is at her immediate trying like how finding a doctor that actually wants to work with you is like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.