#second thoughts third thoughts making me realize why I love him so much. he reminds me of me.
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Implode (Azriel X Female! Reader)
Summary: You were an anomaly. 300 years ago you fell from the sky, a star personified, taking the form of a High Fae. When Rhysand found you and realized your power you became a part of his inner circle. It wasn’t until years later that you realized that his spymaster was your mate. Still the question lingered in your mind leaving you never fully satisfied, “Why am I here?” Perhaps the losing battle with Hybern would answer that.
A/N: Just thought I would take some time and get some Azriel on the masterlist! And hey look I wrote something where they don’t suck and fuck. But don’t get used to it, as a scorpio it ain’t really my style.
Warnings: Heavy angst, alludes to smut (you knew there was gonna be a lil somethin it’s Azriel for christ sake), blood, I wrote this in the middle of the night so probably grammar mistakes
Words count: 4646
(All pictures are from pinterest)
The war with Hybern was an ongoing one, and one that’s been hundreds of years in the making. So far the Night Court had yet to engage but I could feel Rhysand growing restless. Velaris was safe, but for how much longer? A few months ago he talked about taking the fight to Hybern, sooner rather than later, in order to try and protect his civilians. As his third in command I agreed with him.
I became Rhysand’s third in command several years ago after finally earning his trust. I wasn’t always part of his beloved inner circle, in fact when I fell from the sky I spent the first month on Prythian in the Hewn City dungeons. Rhys wanted to know why I had fallen into his court, but the truth was I didn’t know. The only memory I had was an image of the night sky, followed by falling, and then Azriel found me in the grass. Of course this wasn’t a good enough answer for the High Lord but after Rhysand finally realized that I was telling the truth about where I was from. We spent the next several years trying to figure out how it could be but found nothing.
Nevertheless I grew to love Velaris and the place I now called home. I loved late night drinks with Mor, decorating the townhouse with Cassian for Solstice, talking politics with Rhysand, teasing the others with Amren, but most of all I loved Azriel.
Even though Azriel was the one who found me, the bond didn’t snap into place right away. I had always had an affinity for the Illyrian, and even though I was once a non-sentient being, I knew that by all standards he was gorgeous. He seemed to have the same attraction to me as well, though we never acted on it. It wasn’t until a drunken night at Rita’s about 100 years after he found me that we realized we were mates.
The inner circle had gotten together for dinner, and dinner had turned into a couple bottles of wine and a couple turned into way too many. Azriel and I had been throwing flirty glances back and forth all night, finally having the liquid courage to do so. I ended up being the first to leave that night and of course Azriel offered to fly me home…
“There is no way you’re walking home, not in those shoes,” Azriel laughed.
“What’s the matter with my shoes?” I protest swigging the last sip of my wine.
“You’re gonna bust your ass starchild,” Cassian said using my nickname he gave me years ago.
“I most certainly am not!” I slur. I go to stand up from the booth to prove my point and nearly topple over causing the table to shift and Mor to spill some of her wine. The whole group erupted in laughter.
“Come on y/n, I’ll fly you home,” Azriel chuckled, rising from the booth.
I braced myself on his shoulder to slip the stilettos off my feet so I could hold them in my hands. The second my bare feet hit the ground I was reminded by how much larger he was than me, and in my wine drunk state my stomach bottomed out in arousal. I waved goodbye to everyone as Az led me out of the small club.
“Tonight was fun,” I smiled drunkenly, my feet touching the cold wet cobblestones just outside Rita’s. I started to wobble a bit when Azriel grabbed me by my waist and hauled me up. All I could do was look into his golden eyes as I felt his hand spread across the bare skin there from my backless dress.
I didn’t think twice before grabbing him by the collar and pulling him in for a kiss. The second I did it I realized what I had done, and I would’ve panicked if it had not been for the moan that fell from his lips as I pulled back. His other hand hit my waist pulling me closer to him making me stand on my tip toes. I felt my back hit the wall outside Rita’s as he deepened the kiss.
“God I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he groans, grip tightening on my waist.
“Then what’s keeping you from doing it again, Shadowsinger?” I smirk.
“Not a damn thing,” he smiled, connecting our lips again.
I was a mess of pure lust, because just like him, I had been dying to do this for years. Even dreaming about it on several occasions. But to have it happening was the most intense feeling I had ever known. My head was so clouded with need that I barely felt his mouth leave mine to kiss my neck. I tangled my hands in his hair pulling him closer and he reached his hands under my legs and picked me up so I wouldn’t have to strain to meet him.
He kissed a spot on my neck that was particularly sensitive, coaxing a moan from my mouth that drove him so wild he bit me. That was the moment we felt it. That mating bond snapping into place. He whipped his head back to meet my eyes, looking to see if I had felt it too.
“Oh my gods,” I breathed.
“We’re mates,” he stated though his own ragged breaths.
“Yes, mates,” I choked out, my brain still too cloudy to say anything as I searched his face for a sign of dread. Maybe he didn’t want to be mated, to me.
A smile broke his lips as he pressed his forehead to mine, “We’re mates,” he said again like he was trying to assure himself it was true.
“We are,” I giggled, happy to see that he was okay with this, that he wanted it as much as I did.
“You’re my mate,” he smiled, brushing stray hair from my face.
“Your mate,” I laughed joyously, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. I heard the door to Rita’s swing open.
“I knew it!” Mor screamed drunkenly. “I knew they were secretly dating, Cassian, you owe me 50 gold!”
“Not dating, mates.” Azriel barked proudly.
“Ha! Mor you owe me 100 gold now!” Rhysand laughed at Mor.
“That’s too bad Az I was hoping y/n could give me a ride later,” Cassian taunted earning a possessive growl from Azriel. The whole group laughed.
Needless to say Azriel flew me to the cabin in the Illyrian mountains that night and we didn’t leave for two weeks straight.
…that was years ago and since then our family has had new additions like Rhysand’s mate Feyre and her sisters. One thing hadn’t changed though, me and Azriel’s mated bliss.
I was waiting in the townhouse living room with the entire inner circle to talk about war plans. Well, most of the inner circle, Cassian and Azriel had taken a trip to inform the Illyrians that war was indeed coming and had been gone for a week.
“Thanks again for the wine, Rhys!” I smile, holding up my glass and clinking it to Mor’s.
“I don’t think you’re supposed to thank the person you stole the wine from,” he rolls his eyes.
“Maybe not, but it makes me feel less guilty about it,” I laugh while taking another swig. I sit and observe Rhys watching Feyre’s every movement, feeling warm and fuzzy from seeing him so happy.
Almost as if in response a shadow brushes down my cheek and I see Rhysand’s eyes flit up behind me with a smirk. I turn in my chair to find Azriel leaning in the doorway.
“Az!” I yell, jumping up and thrusting my wine glass into Mor’s hand. He gives me a knowing smile as I jump into his arms.
“I missed you too, my little star,” he smiled holding me close.
Cassian walked in just moments after and we joined the others in the living room. The second we were seated, and Rhysand stood to address us, it was like all the joy was sucked out of the room. We all knew how serious the topic was, and how even though we had spent many months avoiding it, it had finally come to call.
“I’ve heard reports that Hybern’s army is gathering, and it’s bigger than we expected,” Rhys stated.
“How much bigger?” Amren inquired.
“We once believed his army to be 70,000 men, now we know that it's over 100,000.” he replied grimly. My heart sank at his words.
“Well what did Devlon say?” I ask Azriel.
“He said that the Illyrians would fight, but if Hybern has an army of over 100,000 it’s still cutting it close.” Az replied.
“How close are they to being fully assembled?” Cassian asks.
A beat of silence passes and Rhys looks to Feyre, “By the end of this week they will be on Prythian soil, maybe next week if we are lucky.” he divulges.
“What if we called upon Bryaxis? The Bone Carver? The Attor? They might come to our aid.” Feyre pointed out and I didn’t miss the wince from Cassian at the mention of Bryaxis.
“That could help,” Rhysand nodded. “But there’s no telling what they’ll do once the battle starts.”
“But it’s worth a shot is it not?” Mor urged.
“We can look into it,” Rhysand nodded once more.
The rest of the night was filled with more talk of strategy and thinking of potential allies to call upon, but in the end Feyre’s suggestion was the best one. We all left the townhouse feeling more somber that night, something that rarely happened when we were all gathered together. Azriel flew us home and neither of us said anything. I thought about what Rhys had said, and how we were resorting to calling upon monsters to come to our aid. It wasn’t until after Azriel showered that he finally spoke up.
“You have no idea how good it feels to be home,” he groaned, flopping on the bed. I had slipped into one of my nightgowns and was sitting under the covers reading my book.
“I’m glad you’re home,” I smiled, running a hand through his wet hair. He plucked my bookmark for where it was beside me and placed it in my open book. A habit that he picked up years ago when he grabbed my book from out of my hand in exchange for a kiss and didn’t bookmark where I was. I had never been so furious with the man.
“Come here you,” he said, tossing my book to the side and pulling me into his chest. I giggled as he wrapped his arms around me, and breathed in. “You smell so good,” he practically groans.
“You mean I don’t smell like a sweaty Illyrian?” I chuckle, pressing a kiss to his bare chest.
“Yes, precisely,” he laughs, looking down at me with love and adoration. “Have I ever told you that you get kind of glowy at night? Like you literally have a faint glow about you.”
“Well I am a star,” I smile, pulling my hand out of the cocoon he has me in to let some starlight dance off my fingers.
“How could I ever forget,” he smiles, pressing a kiss to my brow.
A moment of silence passes and I can’t help but think about the war again, this time I don’t keep quiet about my fears.
“What do you think we’re going to do about Hybern?” I whisper.
“I don’t know,” he admits. “All we can do is hope that our allies come.”
“But even then, will it be enough?” I ask.
“It might be, but there’s no telling.” he states honestly.
“Could this really be the end of everything? Everything we’ve ever known will be ripped away from us. Velaris, our family, the two of us.” I confess.
“Hey,” he coos, taking my face in his hands, “Don’t think like that. We’re going to figure this out. I won’t let anything hurt you.”
“And who’s going to take care of you?” I ask, tears brimming my eyes.
“Rhys and Cassian,” he says. I know he feels my fear too, that he’s trying to put on a brave face for his mate. But the fact of the matter is that this is war, and not everyone is coming home. Part of me wants to interrogate further, but I know no matter how many times I ask or rephrase the question, I’m going to get the same answer. Because at the end of the day, neither of us knows what is going to happen.
So I just burrow my head into his chest and say, “Don’t you dare leave me Az.”
"Never mate, never."
That night I dream of clashing swords and soaring Illyrians. I hear war cries and screams of agony. I see blood and mud and bodies skewed across a battlefield. I smell death and decay and burnt flesh. I feel dread and despair. But then there is a blinding light, and there is peace and I hear nothing at all.
I wake the next morning from my dream and slip of out Azriel’s grasp, thankful that he was so tired from the trip from Windhaven that he doesn’t even stir. I get dressed and make my way to Rhysand’s town house. It had taken me all morning to realize what I had been shown in my dream, what it meant. I could only hope that my High Lord would understand it as I did.
I reach his office door and hesitate to knock. I don’t know why, I’ve known the man for hundreds of years. Eventually I do.
“Come in,” Rhysand beckons.
I step in and immediately wish I had kept my mental shields up, I feel Rhys probe my mind and catch a small glimpse of my thoughts. Before he can speak I cut in first.
“We need to talk to Rhys,” I say curtly.
“No y/n we aren’t having this conversation,” he dismisses me turning back to his papers.
“Rhys, I can end this war,” I argue.
“I won’t let you, not in the way you are thinking right now,” he bristles.
“Rhys, listen to me! I can take out the king and half of his army before he even lands a blow on you guys!” I inform him.
“How?” he stops and asks in a demeaning fashion.
I take a deep breath and take a step closer to him. “What do stars do when they die Rhys?” I say slowly.
A deafening silence fills the room, and I see his violet eyes fill with an understanding and realization.
“They explode,” he states.
“And they take Hybern and half of his army with them,” I reiterate, bracing my arms against his desk.
“You would die though,” he states in a way that’s more like a question.
“Yes I would die,” I confirm.
“You would do that to Azriel?” he asks, not believing what I was saying.
“No, but I would do it for him,” I say earnestly.
“Absolutely not, I won’t let Azriel lose his mate.” he says and it sounds more like an order.
I don’t flinch. I knew Rhysand would say this so I continue with my already prepared speech. “You’ll change your mind. When you realize you have more to lose than you originally thought. When you realize that your mate’s life hangs in the balance. That all you’ve gained lies in the balance. You’ll change your mind, and I’ll be ready when you do.”
“So I’m supposed to sacrifice you to save myself? Sacrifice Azriel’s mate to save my own?” he argues.
“You’re not sacrificing me. I’m choosing this. Choosing to give Azriel a chance to live. A chance at life… My final gift, to him, to all of you.” I start. “My whole life, it has never made sense as to why I’m here. Why a star fell from the sky and just happened to find Azriel. But now it does, this was the reason.” I explain.
There’s another silence in the room as Rhysand takes in all that I’ve said. My explanation for being here. Because I was right, it never did make sense that I would be a star personified. Yet here I was.
“You shouldn’t have to do this,” he says sadly, seemingly accepting that this might be the only chance he has to save Prythian.
“This is war Rhys, not a fairytale. Sacrifices must be made, for the greater good.” I say firmly.
“How are we supposed to tell Azriel this plan?” he asks, running a hand through his hair, stress evident on his face.
I know that everything I’ve told Rhys up until this point has angered and hurt him, but I have one last bandage to rip off, “We’re not going to tell him,” I deadpan.
“Y/n you know-”
“That he won’t let me do this?” I cut him off. “Yes I do. That’s why we can’t tell him. I’ve made my choice, telling him won’t change anything. But it will taint the time we have left together. Let us have this last little bit of time and then I will end this war so that you can have more.” I plead.
Rhys doesn’t say anything as he once again takes in my words. But I see the acceptance in his demeanor as he stands up and walks around his desk. He doesn’t speak, he just pulls me into his arms and hugs me. I throw my arms around him as a tear falls from my face.
“You are the bravest person I’ve ever known. I can never repay you for your sacrifice, all I can do is promise you that you will forever be honored and remembered in this court,” he says and I can feel him crying.
“But there is something you can do,” I say.
“What? I’ll do anything.” he backs away to look me in the eye.
“Don’t let my sacrifice go to waste. Make sure that Azriel lives when all this is said and done.” I beg him, a tear slipping from my eye.
The war comes quickly after that. or perhaps it just feels like it does because my life is suddenly on a timer. It isn't long until Hyberns forces gather on the shores of Prythian. We gather the Night Court's Army, the Illyrians and all the allies we can and march to meet them.
The war camp is a mess of fires, blades and soldiers of every kind. I’m practically glued to Azriel’s side, not only because I’m trying to soak up every lasting moment with him, but because he said, and I quote, “I would rather die than leave my devastatingly beautiful mate alone in a campsite full of war bound men looking for one last lay before the battlefield.”
The night before the battle Azriel made love to me in our tent, neither of us daring to say that it could be the last time we would ever get to lie with one another. Only Rhysand and I knew about the plan. It was too risky to tell anyone else, and like I had explained to Rhys before, I didn't want Azriel and I’s last days together to be tainted with constant tears. If I was going to die, I wanted us to be us.
That’s how we found ourselves here, at the front lines, our entire army behind us. Thankfully we were on top of a hill giving us somewhat of an upper hand. Bryaxis, The Bone Carver, and The Attor had in fact come to our aid, giving them the upperhand to deal with those who went unaffected by my blast. As we looked out over Hybern’s army that was a little over 400 yards away I couldn’t help but to cower into Azriel’s side. I looked to see Feyre doing the same to Rhys behind us. He made eye contact with me, and as I heard Hybern’s army in the background I knew it was time.
I stepped away from Azriel’s side and faced him. Took in every single curve of his face, and the way that his eyes caught the sun. I ran my hand down his cheek and he gave me a half smile. I prayed to whoever was listening, that I would remember his face. That wherever I went next I would have the ability to remember every moment I got to share with him in this world, and be grateful for what a gift it was.
“Whatever happens out there today,” I start to say. “I want you to know that I love you. I know I’ve said it a million times, but I could’ve said it more, should have. And I want you to know that you were the greatest gift I’ve ever known, and that if this was all the time we had, I’m grateful for every moment of it. I was lucky enough to find you in this world, I promise to find you in every other one.” I tell him, a tear going down my face as I throw my arms around his neck.
I can feel him smile into my shoulder as he says, “I love you too mate.”
I hold him tightly for the last time and open my eyes to find Rhys staring at me waiting for the signal. “Now,” I mouth to Rhys and he uses his magic to restrain Azriel. I slip one of Azriel’s daggers out his pocket, being sure to avoid Truth Teller, and I turn around and begin to walk down the hill towards Hybern’s Army.
Rhys and I had spent plenty of time coming up with the plan. I had to arrive at the battlefield without weapons, just leathers. I had never used weapons before, having always relied solely on my magic. It would’ve raised suspicion if I had brought any. We made sure our army was far enough away that with the efforts of Rhysand’s wards and the distance, the blast wouldn’t impact our own forces. I walked down to the army alone, appearing as though I am coming as an emissary to speak to them, after all I was just a tiny female, what harm could I do?
I walked with my chin held high, trying to appear as if I was a collected soldier coming to speak on behalf of my general. It was the hardest and longest walk of my life, as no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t drown out the screams of my mate behind me.
“Y/N WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Azriel screamed, his voice already horse. “RHYS LET ME GO SHE’S GOING DOWN THERE ALL BY HERSELF!”
I shudder at his words and try to keep a stiff upper lip as I get closer to Hybern’s army.
“HE’S GOING TO KILL HER, LET ME GO!” Azriel growled, a voice so deadly it could only belong to a male who’s mate was in danger.
As I get even closer I see the King of Hybern emerge from the army readying himself to receive my message.
“CASSIAN COMMAND THE ARMY TO OPEN FIRE!” Azriel pleads and I can hear him struggling against Rhys’ power.
“Cassian hold our position!” Rhysand bellows.
“Rhys what the fuck?!” Cassain shouts.
“THAT’S AN ORDER GENERAL!” Rhysand screams, sounding more like a High Lord than ever before.
I approach Hybern, dagger hidden behind me, lodged in my belt.
“PLEASE THAT’S MY MATE!”
I stand before the army.
“Have you come to surrender little one?” The King of Hybern croons, earring a laugh from his surrounding Generals and Captains.
“No, I’ve come to end you,” I muse.
I take a deep breath and pull the dagger from behind me and plunge it through my heart. The last thing I hear is Azriel’s scream before blinding white light erupts from me, and then I don’t feel anything at all.
Azriel:
The battle is easily won but at what cost? After y/n put that dagger through her heart more than half of Hybern’s army was wiped off the face of the earth. The battle was bloody but short and in the aftermath I found myself searching the field for my little star, my mate.
“Y/N!” I scream for her, voice torn.
I scan my surroundings looking for any glimpse of her, but I don’t see her, and I don’t feel her anymore either. She’s not gone, she’s not gone, she’s not gone, I keep telling myself.
“Y/N!” I scream again as I continue to look.
I keep flying until I see her. She has about a three foot blast radius around her where not even the grass is still growing, and her small form is lying there, unmoving. I slam into the ground and run toward her.
“No, no, no, no!” I curse as I fall to my knees before her. She’s covered in blood and mud from being trampled.
I take her into my arms and she’s so cold. So small and so cold.
“Baby please wake up,” I cry, brushing her hair out of her face. “Come on, you said you wouldn’t leave me!”
I sense Rhys and Cassian landing behind me and I can hear Feyre’s sobs.
“Please, please, please baby I can’t live without you,” I press my forehead to hers.
I cry and I beg for what feels like hours, but she doesn’t wake up. I reach inside me to tug at the bond, my last ditch effort to bring her back, but when I reach inside myself there’s nothing there.
At first there was nothing, just Azriel’s scream echoing in my brain and then there was silence. But now flickering in the distance I saw him, saw my mate, and I knew then and there that this was the cauldron’s last gift to me.
“Azriel,” I sang into the void like subspace.
“Y/n?” he asked, unsure of what was happening. He was wearing his pants he always wore to bed, which meant I was seeing him in his dream.
“Yes it’s me Az,” I smile, tears brimming my eyes.
“I’m just dreaming right?” he asks again.
“No,” I laugh walking over to him, grabbing him by his forearms. “It’s really me. I’m here somehow.”
“Oh my gods, I’ve missed you so much,” he breaks, voice cracking as he hugs me tight.
“How long has it been since the battle?” I ask.
“A little over a week,” he says standing back so he can look at me. “Why y/n? Why did you do it?”
I nearly broke at his words, “This was always the plan Az, we just didn’t know it till now.” I explain.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“I think the universe knew that I was supposed to save you. That’s why I fell from the sky, that’s why you found me. Why the cauldron made us mates.” I tell him, tears falling from my eyes as my hand wipes away his.
“Why didn’t you tell me though?” he cries.
“Would you have let me sacrifice myself if I did?” I ask. “I wanted my last few days with you to be as normal as they could be.”
Silent tears fall from his eyes, “But what do I do without you?”
“You live Azriel,” I smile. “You were the greatest joy I ever knew Az. I did this so you could live, with Cassian and Rhys. I told you I would find you in every world, you still have things to do in your world, but I’ll find you in this one too when your time comes.”
“How do I live without you?”
“You never will, I am a star after all.”
#azriel x reader fluff#azriel x you#azriel x reader#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x reader angst#azriel angst
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Gojo x Reader (x Nanami): Let me be happy
Okay so Gojo’s a big red flag, but Nanami is really sweet 🥺🥺🥺 I really want to write a part 2 so let me know if you guys want me to. Enjoy reading 🤍
Word count: 1757
Warnings: smut - angst - cheating
“Aw, come on”, his hot breath against your shoulder, “You love this”. “I don’t”, you clenched your jaw, your heart heavy. “Liar”, he pulled you closer as his hand slipped between your thighs, earning him a cute whimper. “See?”, he chuckled, “We’ve been going for hours and you still want more”.
Of course, you wanted more. No girl in the world would ever get enough of Satoru Gojo. Not only did he look exceptionally good, but he also knew how to make a girl feel good.
“No, I don’t”, you ignored the throbbing sensation between your legs. “I’m done with feeling guilty”. “She says after the third round”, Gojo slowly let go before turning on his back.
You didn’t respond. He was right. You were a hypocrite.
“You always do this”, he slowly sat up straight, “You always ruin the mood by bringing her up after we’re done”. “I’m sorry that I remind you of the fact that you already have a girlfriend”, your eyes widened in disbelief. “Then stop showing up when I call you”, he now stood up before angrily putting on his pants. “Are you seriously blaming me?”, your heart started to race. “Are you seriously blaming me”, Satoru childishly repeated. “Ugh, I can’t with you”, you pulled the sheets over your head, “I don’t want to see you anymore”. “Ah, here we go again”, the white-haired man raised his voice. “Declaring how much you hate me, how you despise me for cheating… But I don’t force you to sleep with me. I don’t force you to sleep with someone who has a girlfriend”. Gojo paused for a second before he continued, “I hate that you’re always pretending to be good, to be so sweet and innocent when you’re practically begging me to fuck you”.
“Excuse me?”, you angrily threw the sheets from your naked body. “Am I wrong?”, he put his shirt back on. “Oh please, Satoru. Fuck me harder, make me yours, tell me I’m yours”, he repeated your words.
Why was he so attractive? Even now, when he was so annoyed and angry with you…
“Or the other day, when you wore that short skirt on purpose? When I was standing next to my girlfriend and you were dropping stuff on purpose just so I could look at your ass”, his tone suddenly softened.
“You enjoyed it, didn’t you?”, you crossed your arms.
You could tell he wasn’t angry anymore. The look in his eyes, the smirk he couldn’t hide…
“Thought I made it clear when I pulled you into the classroom and fucked you dumb”, he slowly walked closer again. “Really?”, you looked to the ceiling, “Seems like I forgot-“. “Forgot, huh?”, he grabbed your jaw, “Seems like I need to remind you again…”. “Remind me of what?”, you looked into his eyes. “Remind you that you can’t wear stuff like that. I don’t like it when other guys look at you, you know that”, his brows pulled together.
Right. You were his, but he wasn’t yours.
“But I have to share you, right?”, you quietly replied. “You know I barely sleep with Utahime”, Satoru gently stroked your cheek, “We’ve talked about this”. “Hm”, you pulled away as you realized you had once again ruined the mood. “Fine”, his blue eyes seemed to darken a bit, “Look, she’s going on a mission soon. I’ll promise to stay over for the night when she’s gone”. “You mean we can sleep together? And eat breakfast together and-“. “Yeah yeah”, he waived your words away, “If that’d make you happy-“. “Thanks, Satoru”, you threw your arms around him, your knees now pressing into the soft fabric of your mattress. “I need to go now”, a swift kiss on your temple before he disappeared.
—-
“Shit”, Satoru hissed as his grip tightened around your hair, “See? That’s why I need you”.
God, the way he whimpered made you crazy.
“You know she could never make me feel like this”, his lips hovered against your ear. “Hm”, your forehead pressed against his shoulder as you followed his rhythm. “G-glad she’s on that mission”, his eyes closed in pleasure, “I don’t think I could’ve waited any longer for you. You know I need you, right?”. “I know”, your mind clouded in pleasure. “Think I’m going to come already”, a lazy chuckle, “You’re driving me crazy”.
This wasn’t right. You knew it wasn’t but you were in love, and every second with Satoru made you feel alive.
“It’s fine”, you softly bit into his earlobe, “We can go again”. “All night, all morning, all day”, his hands smoothly moved down your waist, “Inside?”. “Please”. “I’ll clean you up after, don’t worry princess”, his nails sank into your soft flesh as he picked up the pace.
It didn’t take long for him to finish. He loved your scent, your body, the way the moonlight made your skin seem so smooth and fragile… But he didn’t love you, and you were painfully aware of that.
“Satoru?”, you whispered once he got out of the bathroom.
He was holding a towel, ready to keep his word.
“What?”, he lazily tilted his head, his hair still messy as he crawled on top of you. “How long are we going to do this?”, your eyes glossy. “Don’t start, princess. Please”, he gently pushed your legs open as he cleaned you up with a towel.
Your heart sank to your stomach. You didn’t want to ruin the mood, but you needed to talk about this.
“Don’t you think I deserve more than this?”, your eyes avoided his. “What do you mean?”, his brows already pulled together. “Don’t you think I deserve someone that loves me? That chooses me?”, your voice broke.
This was the first time he stayed quiet.
“You have to choose”, a tear streaming down your cheek, “I can’t do this anymore. I want more, I-I deserve more-“.
“What are you saying?”, his patience running thin as he interrupted you. “Me or Utahime”, you finally looked at him, only to see a distressed face looking back.
Did he care for you? Was he afraid of losing you? Or just your body?
“Are you serious? We could’ve had a couple of nice days together. Why are you doing this?”.
He didn’t yell, he didn’t raise his voice in the slightest.
“Don’t you feel guilty?”. “N-no, I mean of course but-“. “Then choose”, you got up and headed to your bathroom. “I’m going to take a shower and if you’re still here, then you’ll choose me and if you’re gone well… Then this ends”, you tried to hide your tears.
You knew what he was going to do. You knew he didn’t care enough about you to stay. His heart belonged somewhere else.
“Satoru?”, your heart raced as you called out for him, your legs trembling.
No answer. No trace of him.
“Right”, you chuckled as you tightened the wet towel around your body. You knew this would happen so why did you feel bad? Why were you mad at yourself for making him choose? If you didn’t he’d still be here, and you would’ve been happy, but you had to do this. This wasn’t fair, not to you, and especially not to Utahime.
—-
“I’m so tired”, Nanami let his head fall back, “These damn kids are killing me”. “You can always go back to your old job”, you smirked. “Shut up”, he smiled.
After that night, you didn’t hear from Satoru anymore. It was still awkward when you came across each other, or when you needed to give training to your students together but it was for the best. You missed him, but you felt so much better now you were living without guilt; without secrets.
“Fine”, you giggled as you playfully brushed through his hair, “I need to talk to Shoko. I’ll see you later”, you took the last sip of your coffee as you walked out of the teacher’s room.
“Want to grab some dinner after?”, Nanami coldly asked before you left.
You froze. Nanami never asked something like that. You knew him since you entered Jujutsu High, back when you two were still teenagers, and he never asked you to go to dinner.
“Dinner?”, you softly replied. “Yeah, dinner”, he sat up straight again.
“ Isn’t there a meeting this evening?”, Gojo hastily intervened. “The meeting’s not until tomorrow evening”, Utahime sighed, “You really need to put the dates in your phone”. “Right”, Satoru clenched his jaw.
You widened your eyes. Why would he intervene like that?
“There’s this new place I’ve been wanting to try”, Nanami continued, “I’d love to take you there”. “Yeah, sure”, you blushed. “Good, I’ll pick you up around 7”, the blonde sweetly smiled at you.
You never saw him smile like that.
“Are you going to wear a suit?”, you teased him. He shrugged in response. “Ugh, fine”, you sighed as you turned around, “I’ll wear something nice too”. “Hm”, he hummed in response as he watched you leave.
“What the hell?”, Satoru couldn’t contain himself any longer, “What’s this? You suddenly like her?”. “It’s none of your business”, Nanami replied coldly. “Are you seriously that oblivious?”, Utahime rolled her eyes, “He’s been in love with her for years”.
“For years?”, Gojo repeated the words.
God, he wanted to blow up the entire school.
“What does it matter?”, Utahime now frowned. “N-nothing”, Satoru snapped back, “I need to train Yuji. I’ll see you later”.
That was a lie, of course. He wanted to catch up with you, to make sure you were his alone.
“What was that?”, he grabbed your arm as he pulled you into one of the empty classrooms. “Shit Satoru”, you pulled away, “Don’t scare me like that, you know I can’t sense you when you’re using your cursed-“. “What was that?”, he didn’t let you finish. “What?”. “Are you seriously going on a date with Nanami? He’s my friend-“. “Your friend?”, you chuckled, “You have a girlfriend and you’re worrying about what I do when we never even dated, we never-“, you stopped mid-sentence.
There was no point in explaining anything.
“You made your choice”, you softly whispered, “Now stick with it”.
You didn’t care that he was angry, or jealous. You deserved to be happy.
“Besides, it’s only dinner”, you looked over your shoulder before leaving. “Only dinner”, Satoru sarcastically replied, “I asked you the same thing once. Remember how we ended our ‘dinner’?”. You didn’t bother to respond. You were done with playing games.
—-
“Oh”, Nanami widened his eyes when you opened your door. “W-What?”, you hastily looked down, “I-is there something wrong with my dress?”. “No, it’s just”, he paused for a second as he tried to find the right words, “You weren’t joking when you said you were going to wear something nice”. “I-is it too much? It is right?”, you blushed in shame, “I’ll get changed”. “Please don’t”, his hand gently wrapped around your wrist, “It’s beautiful. Y-you’re beautiful”, he corrected himself.
So this wasn’t just dinner. He wanted to take you out on a date.
“Thanks”, your cheeks already red.
He gently guided you to his car before he opened the door for you. His hand gently rested at the bottom of your back the entire time.
“Do you find this strange?”, he looked at you, one hand on his steering wheel. “I don’t know”, you looked outside. “We’ve known each other for so long. You never made it clear you wanted to go on a date with me-“. “I did”, he sweetly chuckled, “Many times”. “T-that’s a lie!”, you turned to look at him. “Oh, is it?”, he raised an eyebrow. “Y-yeah!”, you sat up more straight. “Well, I’ve always bought you flowers for Valentine's Day. I’ve never let you go on a mission alone even when I got in trouble for it, I stayed by your side for weeks when Suguru left-“. “Okay okay, fine”, you crossed your arms.
“But you’re okay with this, right?”, he got serious again. “Of course”, you looked down, “I’m glad you asked”. “Good”, he nervously shuffled before his hand softly grabbed your thigh.
You widened your eyes as you looked at the blonde. He looked good, way better than Satoru for some reason. Nanami seemed mature, as if he could take care of you. The way his hand rested on his steering wheel, the veins on his hand, the way he softly pinched your thigh…
“We’re here”, he opened his door but stopped when he saw you opening yours. “What are you doing?”, he almost seemed agitated. “H-huh?”, you looked at him. “It’s clear you’ve never gone out with an actual man”, he clicked his tongue before he opened your door, his hand already waiting for yours. “Thank you”, you blushed as he once again guided you inside.
The rest of the evening felt like a dream. He felt like a dream. This was the first time anyone seemed truly interested in you and he made sure you knew how beautiful you were.
“I’m sorry I forgot flowers”, he clenched his jaw as he drove back to your place, “I’m an idiot for forgetting”. “Are you serious?”, you giggled, “I’ve never been this happy”.
Yes, you were a little tipsy but you were serious. You never felt this happy.
“So, you want to do this again?”, his hand once again on your thigh. “I want to do this every evening”, you smiled as you let your hand rest on his.
He stayed quiet. His heart was already racing when he felt your soft hand against his. He didn’t want to seem like a pervert, but he wanted nothing more than to see what was underneath your dress. He wanted to admire you, to worship your body, and to make you feel like a goddess.
You noticed his behaviour change; his flushed cheeks, and you felt it too. You didn’t want the night to end. So you gently guided his hand closer to the spot you needed him the most.
“Y/N”, his voice raspy as his grip around his steering wheel tightened. “What? You don’t want this?”, you slowly opened your legs a little bit. “N-no, I mean I do but-“. “But what?”. “I don’t want you to think I only want you for your body. I want you. The whole package. If we do this now, I’m afraid I won’t be able to live without your touch”.
You didn’t want to take things too fast, to jump into a relationship, but this felt right. He felt right. You wanted him. Besides, it’s not like you didn’t know Nanami. You’ve known him for years and what you felt for Satoru couldn’t even come close to the feeling Nanami gave you.
“Please”, you looked at him with big eyes as you tightened the grip around his wrist. “Tsk”, Nanami smirked, “You’re needy”. “So?”, you guided his fingertips along your panties. “I’m driving”. “Please Kento, I can’t wait”. “Shit”, he grunted as he felt his member pressing against his pants, “You know I can’t say no to you”. You whimpered as you pulled your panties to the side, once again guiding his hand to the right spot. “You really needed this, huh?”, he smirked as he felt how wet you were for him. “Don’t tease me”, you let your head fall against the leather seat. “I’ll take care of you, don’t worry”.
And he did. It didn’t take long before you came undone around his fingers. It felt as if he knew your body. Once he parked his car, the two of you hastily got inside like love-drunk teens.
“K-kento”, you murmured as he softly laid you down on your mattress, his hands exploring your soft skin. “Yes sweetheart”, he gently pulled your dress over your head. “Do you think I’m pretty?”. “You’re beautiful”, he whispered as he placed sloppy kisses on your breasts and stomach.
Your jaw dropped when he got undressed. His body looked like one of those Greek statues.
“What’s wrong sweetheart?”, he chuckled as he grabbed your jaw, “Be good and open your legs for me”.
This was it. This was the moment you fell hopelessly in love.
“Good girl”, his hand now gently wrapped around your neck, “Tell me if it hurts, okay?”.
Hurts? Why would it hurt- Oh right, of course, he was this big.
“It’s fine”, you looked to the side, your eyes studying his arm. “Oh no sweetheart”, he gently guided you back, “You’re going to look at me when I take you”.
Butterflies. More than ever.
“I’ve been thinking about this moment for so long”, his tip pressed against your entrance. “You know how many nights I’ve thought about you?”. “P-please Kento”, you arched your back. “Never thought you were so needy though”, he softly bit into your neck, “Don’t worry, as I said, I’ll take care of you”.
And he did. Satoru could never make you feel this good.
“Mine, all mine”, Kento grunted as he left marks on your entire body, “You’re made for me”. “I-I’m going to-“. “Ssh, it’s fine sweetheart. You can come”, he studied your pretty face which made it only harder for him not to finish too. “Shit”, he grunted. “Fill me up, please”, you looked at him with big and innocent eyes. Just what he needed. “So needy”, he chuckled, “Don’t let anything go to waste, okay?”. “Hm”, you closed your eyes in pleasure. “S-shit”, he let his head rest against yours as he found his release.
“All mine”, he placed a sweet kiss against your cheek before picking you up. “Wh-what-“. “I’m going to clean you up”, he gently placed you at the edge of your bath. “I’m going to take care of you, like I said”, he tilted your chin so you looked up at him.
You looked at him in awe. Why didn’t you notice his feelings for you sooner?
“If you want me to of course”, he leaned over the tub so he could fill it up with hot water. “Hm”, you softly whimpered, your eyes glossy. “W-what’s wrong?”, he widened his eyes as he immediately scanned your body to see if he hurt you. “Y-you’re so sweet”, you cutely sniffed.
It broke his heart to see you like this. How can anyone ever have treated you differently? You deserved nothing less than this.
“Come here”, he easily picked you up again as he slowly lowered you into the tub, “I’ll take care of you from now on”.
—-
You could feel Satoru’s eyes burning at the back of your head during that meeting the next day.
“Dinner at my place?”, Nanami’s hand rested on your back after the meeting. “Sounds great”, you placed a swift kiss on his lips. “Good, I’ll pick you up ‘round 8”, he happily smiled, “I’ll make sure to bring flowers this time”.
Yes, you loved that man.
“Just dinner, huh?”, Satoru scoffed once everyone left the room. You sighed as you put on your coat. “Are you serious?”, he widened his eyes as he noticed the mark on your neck, “One evening and you’re already spreading your legs-“. “Shut up”, you almost whispered. “I’m done with you. I’m done with being your sneaky link, your second choice… I’m happy now and it’s sad to see you still aren’t”.
“But-“. “Please Satoru”, you looked into his eyes, “Let me be happy. Stop being this egocentric idiot, and just let me be happy”.
Satoru didn’t respond. He couldn’t. He made his choice.
#gojo imagine#nanami kento#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk x reader#gojo x reader#gojo x you#nanami x reader#nanami x y/n#nanami x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk fanfic#gojo x y/n#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru x you#nanami kento x reader#nanami kento x you#nanami kento x y/n#gojo satoru x reader#satoru gojo#jjk nanami#nanami smut#jujutsu nanami#jjk satoru#gojo jjk#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen satoru#gojo jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen
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Azumane Asahi x Scary!Male!Reader [Fluff]
So, appearently, this one shot is not published?? somehow?? it doesn’t show up for me on desktop or mobile, so i’ll be posting it now i guess -_-
Masterlist.
Haikyuu!!
Requested by GaurikaDutta on Wattpad
Well, the day couldn't have gone better... well, it could have, if Nishinoya wasn't eavesdropping on Asahi's conversation with his boyfriend. But, was it eavesdropping? He just took a peek at his texts with (M/n).
"Asahi-san has a boyfriend?!" Was what he yelled at the top of his lungs after there were done stretching after practice was over for the day.
Of course, the third and second years had some explaining to do, since they didn't know about Asahi's sexuality. At first, he came out as bisexual, then asexual, and he finally got over his sexuality crisis, and realized he was demisexual. He never had a gender preference anyway, and he loves (M/n) as much as his family.
But, after the little explanation, everyone wanted to meet Asahi's boyfriend, something that made the brunette a little nervous, setting in just ask about it to his boyfriend. Even if he already knew what (M/n)'s answer was going to be.
Neither of them ever realize, well they kinda did, but Asahi never explained it to the rest of the Karasuno members.
(M/n) would go to every single one of their games, he was a scary dude in the audience, no one ever sat less than three seats away from him. His tough and intimidating appearance made everyone coward away from him. But the reality couldn't have been farther from that. (M/n) always tested him after every game, whether they lost or won, to comfort him or cheer him up.
They would meet up in an empty place, usually a deserted hallway, occasionally in one of the empty bathrooms, and no one ever found out. Like they had been dating ever since they met, which was when Asahi was still a first year and (M/n) a second year. Asahi knew everyone -except the first years- would recognize him immediately once they see him.
Well, back in his home, Asahi got a call from (M/n), wondering why he suddenly stopped texting him and Asahi explained everything that has happened almost an hour ago. Obviously, as Asahi already thought, (M/n) accepted meeting the Karasuno volleyball team, a cheerful tone of voice making Asahi's heart beat faster and they talked a little more, before saying their good night's to each other and falling asleep.
The next day, Asahi told them his boyfriend was going to come later in the day, since he had to work in the morning till the afternoon. Now, that made everyone though Asahi's boyfriend was way older than him, so they were kinda nervous now.
After a long way, their everyday practice came by, and they were all getting dressed and began stretching.
(M/n) walked inside the school campus, both hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket, he saw some students leaving the building since they didn't have club activities or just weren't in a club. He walked towards the gym where the volleyball team used to practice, since he had a feeling they still got to use it, and he stood outside by the door.
He took his headphones off, letting them hang around his neck and immediately, he was able to hear the squeaky sounds of shoes against the floor, followed by yells or the sound of the volleyball hitting skin or the ground.
The sounds reminded him of last year, during his last high school match at the Winter Cup tournament. Being the ace of the basketball team made him well known around the school, but people were also scared of him, mostly because of his looks and the way he dressed, but in reality...
He was such a cinnamon roll! Like a cute golden retriever!
And yes, Asahi always told him he was really adorable when he was happy, something that, inevitably brought a huge smile to his face.
But getting out of his thoughts, he heard who he presumed was the captain calling a break before another match, and he finally decided to make his presence known.
(M/n) slid the door open, targeting everyone's eyes. Hinata and Yachi flinched at the sight of the intimidating male, while the second and third years bowed with a loud greeting.
Asahi looked at everyone with a panicked expression, muttering that they shouldn't bow and be so formal with (M/n), which made them stare at Asahi with curious looks in their eyes.
"Asahi-san... you mean... that (L/n)-senpai is..." Nishinoya slowly spoke, causing the third-year brunette to blush and scratch the back of his neck.
"Uh, y-yeah... (M/n) is my boyfriend-" not even a second after, Tanaka and Noya were standing very close to the (h/c) haired male, an aggressive expression on both of their faces.
"You better treat our Asahi-san well, senpai." Boys said, causing Daichi to sigh behind them and Sugawara to chuckle at the duo's antics.
"Yeah, senpai, we're watching you closely," (M/n) kept his serious stare on them, making them tremble as they started losing their confidence, but the male just laugh and hugged them by the shoulders.
"I'm so happy I'm finally able to meet the volleyball team!!" He cheered loudly, a playful look in his eyes as he saw the small middle blocker hiding behind a stoic black-haired setter. "Hinata-kun~!"
He yelled as he rushed towards the smaller male, who flinched and shrieked as he ran away, but (M/n) caught him pretty easily.
"There's no need to be afraid, Hinata-kun, I'm not gonna hurt you." Eventually, the orange-haired male let his intimidating senpai hold him in his arms and soon enough, he was laughing out loud to his heart's content.
"Sugawara-san," the blond walked closer to the silver-haired third-year, and he looked at Tsukishima with a gentle smile. "Could you tell me who that guy is?"
At that moment, he realized that neither of the five first years nor the couch knew who (M/n) was, so he started calling out to everyone.
"Everybody, come over for a moment, you too, (L/n)-senpai." (M/n) had a pout on his lips as he set Hinata down, walking next to Asahi and the rest of his kohais. "Alright, this is (L/n) (M/n), he's our senpai and former ace of Karasuno's basketball team."
"Hi~," (M/n) said with a wide smile while he waved his hands.
Tsukishima sweatdropped at the male's behavior, but soon, everyone was having fun getting to know their senpai, while Asahi just watched (M/n) as he got along with everyone just fine.
Yes, (M/n) might look scary and sometimes he can be a little too much to handle, but that doesn't necessarily means is a bad thing. He was extremely kind and very, very sweet.
Just look at him, he even managed to make Tsukishima chuckle at a joke he told him.
#azumane asahi#haikyuu!!#anime#one shot#fluff#male reader#reader insert#x reader#azumane asahi x reader#azumane asahi x male reader#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x male reader#.mackjlee9 writes
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Please tell us you’ll do a part 2 for your head canon about Leon’s girlfriend finding out about Ada and Claire. Surely he wouldn’t just let her run off like that if he loves her.
All you need to know is that while I was writing this part, I listened to "I Love How You Lie" - Eminem feat. Rihanna. At least twenty times. Maybe more.
There is no physical violence here, but you can see a broken Lеon when his girlfriend left for TWO months without explanation. Fuck knows why Tumbler gave me some character restrictions in the last post, but out of fear I shortened some part of the text. (And this time there were no such gifts)
Tornado meets volcano.
So, a few people asked for the second part and I translated it as far as I could into English. Enjoy it if you can.
I like this text. I consider this one of my best works (I think it looks much better on the original).
If you need a translation of the third part, then let me know. Because of the fucking restriction, I'm not sure it's worth putting this whole story out.
As Cersei Lannister once said, "Love is poison. Yes, it is sweet, but it kills no worse than any other".
Because of one man, you have no desire to go out into the daylight, there is no reason to smile or laugh. The realization that for Leon you were nothing more than a beautiful doll still makes the heart bleed and quietly cry into the pillow looking for salvation in the night while everyone is sleeping.
It seems that there will be no end to this pain, and your hero turned out to be the main villain in your story, because of which you suffer. You allowed yourself to be deceived, you allowed yourself to be played with. You're the one who let a stranger become someone close. You're the one who let Leon rip out his heart, leaving a gaping wound that's slowly rotting away.
Nevertheless, you still miss his warm, slightly rough hands at night, who hugged you tightly, hugging you on cool nights. Now this whole stupid story reminds of how the moth flew into the light and eventually burned to the ground, so that only ashes remained of it. The truth is that the fire is Leon, and you are a stupid moth that has gone out. Although now, looking at the night sky, pressing your knees to your stomach, hugging yourself tightly, despite the great loss, you hope one day to start shining brighter than comets again.
Carey called last week, telling the latest news and gossip, not forgetting to mention your boyfriend who came to college looking for you, but she lied to him saying she didn't know where you were and where you disappeared. Leon hardly believed it, but he was not a man who beat the truth out of others. At least not from stupid students. But your happiness is that he did not know where your parents' house was, which means that in any case his search will not be successful.
You're very happy about it. Here you allow yourself to walk through the fields, remembering your youth and go with your father to the forest, just like in childhood jumping on the biggest stones. In the evening, the old man plays guitar to you and your mother while you and her clean up the dishes after a hearty dinner. Here at home, your wounds don't ache so much from the pain, and you look with laughter at the childhood photos taken by your mother in Calcutta, when you wrapped yourself in someone's sari trying to repeat the movements of Indian dancers. Flipping through the pages, you came across a photo with your fifth birthday, where you joyfully got dirty with a birthday cake.
And while your parents were laughing, you suddenly remembered that for some reason Leon didn't have more than one child's photo. Then, for some reason, he still said that his parents died quite early, but it was a sore subject that the two of you never touched on with him again. But he really liked to hear about your childhood adventures.
So you thought…
You so wanted to escape from the noisy city, away from Leon, and now involuntarily the soul is drawn to him. Although it doesn't make sense to dream about a summer together anymore. You had a wonderful, romantic love. You left Leon your dream of living together, but he never touched on the topic of future family with you.
It was really funny. Your father still doesn't like your first high school crush, even though you were fifteen and there was nothing between you and this guy but a chaste kiss on the cheek, this guy was forever blacklisted by your father. To make him think about Leon, who was twelve years older? Most likely, he would have tried to shoot him with his hunting rifle.
All the things, books, clothes, cosmetics, even the phone - everything is left with Leon and you will have to come back for them anyway. However, the mere thought of the collision of these sapphire eyes makes, the body goosebumps. You can lick your wounds at home, but there…all the scabs will open up again if only he touches you. If he suddenly says that Ada does not matter to him, however, by that smile and the compact in his bedside table, you realized that she would always be in the first place for him.
I wonder how long he's been looking for you? You called your friend because you wanted to clarify (and once again slash at the heart with a sharp knife of truth) whether Leon appeared in college or tried to reach you through friends, but the truth is cruel: he wasn't looking for you. Of course, it was probably stupid to worry, but you hoped that you meant something to him at least a little.
Leon has become your sweet poison.
Somehow, all thoughts returned to him alone. You are ready to fall into the abyss after him, get a hundred bullets instead of him, but it was his bullet that killed you.
Therefore, no matter how much you love him, the mind, and not the remnants of feelings, tells you a reasonable "Let him go." This is what needs to be done, and it will be the right thing to do.
Unfortunately, Leon is not the hero of Tolkien's beautiful story. He is not Beren, and you are not his Luthien. Funny comparison… But this is an analgesic balm, so you can stand firmly at the door of the apartment from which you escaped a little more than two months ago.
However, uncertainty again knocked down your legs at the very last minute, turning you into a mess with swollen red eyes, drowning in a puddle of your own tears. But to hell with it! You weren't tempted to listen to his voice or reread old messages, so why the hell are all these fucking feelings coming back out?! The cleaner handed you the keys and you exhaled with relief, hoping that you would have time to pick up all the things before Leon returned and then the need for an explanation would disappear by itself.
You will simply disappear from his life. He will cherish his love for Ada Wong or find someone who will not mind being a replacement for this irreplaceable woman.
But you cross the threshold of the house, leaving the keys on the bedside table, intending to finish it as soon as possible. This person is not capable of loving you, and by and large your days together are numbered. This is what you repeat to yourself, pulling out of the closet a large suitcase and a bag, alternately putting your things there.
Yes, you notice a few bottles of alcohol in the kitchen, a mess and your phone. Leon unlocked it, and you think that maybe he decided to check your correspondence or recent calls, but he definitely didn't find anything "criminal". Because Ada Wong didn't write to you.
Without wasting precious time, you continue packing, still taking the phone and putting it in your coat pocket. Your blouses, dresses, underwear…actually, you wouldn't mind quickly changing into more comfortable clothes than the one you took from home. But still discarding the thought of changing clothes, you zipped up suitcase, grabbing an empty bag with her free hand to put all the cosmetics there. You turn around to go to the dressing table and…freeze.
Leon.
He tricked you. He wasn't on your side. Burn it with fire, but he will not see you in tears. You won't stay with him and let him tear you to pieces. You are not the heroine of Lana Del Rey's music video…
But Leon was just silently watching your hurried movements. With those deep bruises under his eyes and a faraway look. He looked so exhausted that you wanted to go up to him and kiss him almost on a reflex level, but your brain was still saying "let him go! Save the remnants of your poor heart!"
You thought one thing, and Leon did not understand why you poured caustic poison on him in this way, running away without explaining anything. Smouldering like a coal, he was still just glad to see you alive and unharmed. And yet the sandcastle that he was building with you was now being destroyed on his hands.
The only thing Leon knows is that if he loses you, he will lose his only home.
"I can't…I'm leaving you," you whispered, still fiddling with the strap of the bag, watching the light blue eyes darken in an instant.
"What do you mean?" - Leon takes the bag out of your hands, throwing it on the bed at the same time looking strangely at the already packed suitcase. - "Baby, if you've been wanting to tell me something for a long time, then you should have done it, and not run the devil knows where without money and a phone. What was I supposed to think? Where have you been? You haven't been to college for two months!"
My God, your body is screaming again, as it did then: "Run." Although it was a lie. Leon's voice remains even, calm… and gentle. Just don't run away from him. His hand gently grabs your palm, warming it, forcing the blood to circulate through your veins. He's been so damn worried, missed you so much, that he seriously thinks he'd rather tie you to a bed and set the fucking house on fire than let you leave.
"I'm not her. But I'm not a fucking piece of cake that you can take whenever you see fit. I loved you, but I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want to talk to you and know you."
The good question is, who is going to hurt who now? Some part of you wants to cause him at least a fraction of the pain that you experienced, while Leon becomes a shadow of his former self in front of your eyes from these words. You fucking promised him! Be with him!
"I'm not Ada Wong. I'm not a mysterious spy. But I'm not your toy either, Leon. I'm the fucking person whose feelings you played with! When I loved you so much that it went beyond sanity, you loved a completely different woman!"
You're crying, turning away from him to grab the remnants of things and throw them into a fucking bag and run far, far away to start all over again. Away from Leon and his woman in red. The main thing is that he does not look at you with that sad, tired look, otherwise you will not stand it and burst into tears out loud. Do you want to yell at him when he asks one simple question, "Is it because of Ada? Is she the reason you left?"
But you turn around abruptly.
"No. The reason is you, not her. You hurt me. Not Ada. She's the part of you that you'll never let go of. "
This quote and the compact should be enough for him to understand. But it drives to lose your mind. Your love melts when you look at him and listen to his tacit consent. He would never let this woman go. And you still have some remnants of pride. "Maybe you're right." - This is what finally breaks your love. Next to him, you become quieter, smaller…Leon won another round, and you lost to him. Your heartbeat slows down, but his words finally force you not to let him touch you.
"Good" - Your lips whispered it so simply. As if it doesn't hurt at all. "I'm leaving."
"Don't!" - Almost a plea, but you jump away from Leon when he grabs you by the shoulders and pulls you to him. Despite how much you missed him, now in order to save yourself, your brain began to make a monster out of him. "I won't let you go. I love you, you know that! That should be enough!"
"But it's not enough! You love her and you will always choose her from the two of us. I'm not coming back to you anymore. I'm NOT her replacement! I won't fall into these nets anymore!
This is your end.
The last point. You don't know how to continue to believe in better days, but it's time to part. It's time to leave and forget this feeling. You resist when Leon tries to hold you to him. This is what tears apart. You just loved him. Your emotions are in a mess, you don't even realize right away that you are choking on the howl of that same beaten dog. How can you love and hate him at the same time?
That's all. Leave. Run. But you fall to your knees because you can't do anything against him! You love him so much! Whether he's a monster or a scoundrel. What should you do? It shouldn't be like that at all.
"Angel, believe me! It has not been as important as it used to be for a long time. I love you. That message doesn't mean anything!" - His hands hold you tightly by the waist, not allowing you to leave. He also loves you no less than you love him. Why didn't you just tell him what was bothering you? - "You are my love."
He's fucking lying. He wasn't even looking for you.
"Let me go!" - You scream, remembering all the nights with him without sleep, when everything was fine. You want to believe in this fucking lie, but in order to escape, you grab the very last thread, strike a fatal blow: "I don't love you anymore!"
It was painful. Leon feels a ringing in his ears and wants to loosen his grip at the last second, but for some reason he leans against the top of your head, still hoping that you are lying.
"It is not true." You both knew that. You heard only a pulse pounding and one boundless silence. You would be ashamed to look at yourself in the mirror, but Leon turns you over to face him, wiping the wet tracks of tears on his swollen cheeks with his thumbs. - "I don't believe it. Princess, if you would tell me…I was going crazy. You ran away without even explaining anything. Do you really believe that I could hurt you? I love you, not her. That's all you need to know. I will always choose you."
"I want to leave." Leon nods negatively, feeling a lump in his throat, but you want to leave him. You've already decided everything. Even for the first time, only now he continues to deprive you of strength, being your biggest weakness. Even if you feel calm right now, burying your nose in his neck, you have to do it.
"Please don't say that…"
"But it's true!"
Leon's hands close around your waist as he kisses your temple. He has found you and right now he is holding you in his arms not so that you will leave. Not so that everything that you both have been building for so long will collapse. He doesn't need tears to hurt. He needs you.
And again a single tear falls from your eyelashes. Why is he lying to your face? Why did you become his victim? But you can't order your heart and you can't lie to your soul - you want your love for him to disappear like a bird in the sky, what a pity that miracles don't happen.
You are bound by these hands and absolutely unarmed. Hell, you can't even leave as beautifully as Ada always does.
"You don't want that, I know. Please baby…We can talk about it. Look at me." - You're doing it. Idiot. You look at him when his gentle touches become rough, as long as you just don't look away. Unlikely you could have turned your head even a couple of degrees. - "It's all good."
It would be better if you died now. There is no doubt in your sincere love… he will always come back to her. Therefore, not a damn thing is all right! You're not okay! It's you who are suffering from agony, while he just needs the warmth of a young body.
This is what you shout at him, pushing him away from you, getting to your feet, grabbing a suitcase. You don't care about anything anymore! You're running away forever. Leon's reaction, however, is faster than yours, and he manages to intercept you faster than you get to the open door, throwing the damn suitcase aside.
You are probably the unluckiest girl.
A familiar record of Leon's promises that he loves you. He pinned you against the wall, hanging like a mighty rock, cutting off escape routes. At this moment, you do not have enough air, as if the breathing taps have been blocked.
"Princess…" - You smile bitterly. A princess who was banished from her own kingdom and from his heart. You turn from a princess into a prisoner. It was he who left you a deep crater instead of a heart. -"You're not her, but that's why I'm with you. I don't love you for your body. If I wanted a beautiful girl for the night, then this relationship would never have happened."
"Please go" - The request hidden from the lips responds with a dull pain inside Leon. Taking a step towards you, he bumps into an obstacle from your hands that have fallen on his chest. - "I don't want to be second place anymore."
All Leon is thinking about at this very second, while you are tearing his skin and flesh getting to his heart in shreds, which bastard drove this thought into your head?
You're the reason he's still alive. How can you want to leave him after he has allowed you to become a part of his life? He's been looking for you these fucking two months! Sometimes, in a frenzy, I rushed after every passerby thinking that it was you. You are his most beloved person, so how can you leave him?
Why has everything changed so much? Because of that stupid message from Ada and the compact, which he hadn't thought about for a long time. He just threw it away and forgot, not thinking that you can find it, but if you find it…Why didn't you just ask him about it?! He would have gotten rid of this item in front of you!
You have to stay. But you had different points of view on the situation.
He couldn't fucking sleep in a shared bed, thinking about where you were and who you were with. What if you had actually been killed in an alley somewhere? But the way your friend calmly said that he allegedly knew nothing about your whereabouts made him calm down, because he was sure that this girl was not one of those who are in the dark. So you were either with her or at least safe.
The thought of another man who could touch you the way he touched you turned him inside out. You couldn't run off to another guy to hurt him even more. That's not your style.
"You always came first." - It's true, but why the hell do you think it's a lie? How can you think that he has someone else?! What the fuck is wrong with you? - "Since came into my life. All I ever wanted was you."
Leon wants this whole two-month performance to be a fucking manipulation. God, he'll forgive you for your stupidity. He will strip you naked, hold you close and tell you that he loves you very much. The main thing is not to leave. He'll take you wherever you want, just stay with him. Don't lie to him that you don't love him!
"I don't believe you." - The end. - "You're right, my heart is full of blind love for you, but enough of this torment. My biggest mistake is to think that you loved me too. I'm tired of this pain, and if I stay here, it will kill me once. I want to be happy. But to become one of them, you don't have to be in my life! Аlthough I love the way you lie."
"Don't say that!" - Leon grabbed you, hugging you to him, which is why the familiar smell of cologne hit you in the nose, which made you want to close your eyes, enjoying it. You become a disassembled puzzle in his hands again. - "I've never lied to you! Not a single day. Princess, Ada was an important part of my life. However, what I feel for her is nothing compared to what I felt for you. Believe in it."
And that's what you want. It seems that only one step separates you from the possibility of leaving. You pressed against his shoulder-so strong, warm, safe, while his palm covered the back of your head.
So weak. Grabbed him by the back, giving a spark of hope that you will stay. Instilling in him the hope that now he will calm you down and you will put on these shackles again when he puts you on the bed and makes love sex to you.
You thought it would be easier to do.
"That's it. It's all good. I'm here with you. You're with me." - Leon's voice is shaking. If you believe him now… remember the compact in his bedside table. Push him away! Save yourself! - "I love you."
He is the one who kisses your tears from your cheeks and nose. He holds your neck, so it seems he can squeeze it until it crunches in order to end your life, but Leon just strokes the skin with his thumb.
Leon's heartbeat slows down, returning to a normal rhythm. And you are his little favorite toy, which he takes away from the door, confident that everything is in the past. Sure he convinced you. And you take six whole steps forward with him, glancing at the suitcase he threw.
Your pulse is pounding in your temples. If you stay, then only God will know how much loneliness you can endure. Leon may not be cheating on you physically, but his thoughts will always be with the woman in red. With Ada. He will always come back to her.
If you stay, you will lose yourself forever. You suddenly thought that one day you would want children, but Leon's work does not imply their presence. Then even they won't be your outlet. And one day, the best solution would be to just kill yourself. Poison, knife, rope… you will be so broken by him that you will absolutely not care.
You're leaving. Point.
Don't forget about all the happy moments that he gave you, but don't you dare let him destroy you!
If you can't leave like Ada, then do it your way. Even if it looks ugly and pathetic. You may look like a beaten dog, but you will be ALIVE.
Someday this day will be just a nightmare from which you could wake up. Just find a little strength in yourself to take the handle of the suitcase and… leave.
Then you bend down, grab the handle and lift your luggage off the floor as Leon takes a few small steps away from you, intending to remove the empty bottles and finally throw Ada's compact away. He knows that you picked up the suitcase and for ten whole seconds was sure that you just want to put things back in their places.
So scary.
Both him and you.
"Sorry." - You exhale. It's so complicated. Either God is such a masochist, or you yourself. Leon looks at you and doesn't believe you. Some strange smile appears on his lips mixed with despair.
"Sweetheart, wait."
"Goodbye Leon"
And you're really leaving him.
You run out of the apartment like the first time, leaving him alone. But you won't come back.
Your days together were numbered.
#leon kennedy#leon scott kennedy#leon kennedy x you#leon s kennedy#leon x reader#leon kennedy x reader#leon s kennedy x reader#resident evil#resident evil x reader#reader#re
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Everything to Know About ACFTL ☺️💕📚
Hello, everyone!
With A Curse For True Love coming out next week, I thought maybe creating a compile list of what everything we will be expecting might be helpful to those who want a refresher.
However, if you don't want to be reminded of any of the details that have been shared and want to go in blind, that's cool, too!
All of the information that I have gathered has been from all of the IG AMA's stories, comments, replies, and some from podcasts.
Slight spoilers. Quick refresher below.
Stephanie hasn’t been nice writing this book, but let’s see if the torture is well worth it in the end.
There’s this scene that corresponds to these emoji: 🛏😮🩸🚪🩸🩸🩸😱🍎👑
There are three POVs: Evangeline, Jacks, and Apollo
The answer to why Jacks eat apples is in the book, but according to B&N site, we might get the answer to everything about him!
Q: is there a scene you’ve written that’s made you tear up? A: “So many scenes have made me cry—I don’t tear up, I sob, and writing this series has made me cry a lot more than the Caraval series 💘😭 But don’t be too scared—I’ve put a lot fun scenes in this book. Although, my defintion of fun is a little twisted. 🤭”
Q: Do you already have a favorite scene in “A Curse For True Love”? A: Usually I have favorites but with this book I love every scene. I keep telling my editor to let me know if I’ve gone too far with this story because I’ve had so much fun writing. I keep fearing I must be doing something wrong. 🖤”
There will be more LaLa and Chaos scenes, and apparently Stephanie has gotten carried away with them lol
There will be a few more scenes in the Hollow!!!! YAAYYY!
Her favorite scene has something to with these emojis: 🌳🫀🔥
Stephanie has cried the last time she had read ACFTL.
Q: what’s your favorite scene out of all the books in this series: A: “This is so tough. There’s a scene in CURSE that made me cry and it’s probaly my favorite 💔”
Q: can you tell us who the bonus content povs will be? A: “For B&N and Waterstones, the bonus content is in Eva’s POV. 🦊”
My speculation from the answer above, but this makes me think that the Owlcrate’s edition will be Jacks’s POV if not Evangeline’s.
Q: did u know how acftl would end early on? or did it change as you wrote it? A: “It changed! In January, I hit a wall with the book and after talking with my critique partner @/staceyleeauthor, I realized that I had taken the story in the wrong direction. So I went back, I rewrote, I changed the plot, and I changed a large portion of the ending. This is part of the reason why the book’s publication date was changed from Sept to Oct.”
Q: What three songs come to mind when you think of Evangeline and Jacks? A: “Ooh! It’s hard to pick just three. Here are a few that came to mind first: 1. The Archer by Taylor Swift, 2. You’re Losing Me by Taylor Swift, 3. Religiously by Bailey Zimmerman”
Q: Do you pick the audiobook narrators for your books? A: “I did! @/macmillan.audio is wonderful. They’ve always given me a choice in narrators. The amazing @/rebeccasoleri has narrated all of my audiobooks (so she’s an easy choice). Then for ACFTL I got to choose a second narrator for the Jacks and Apollo chapters and he is also fantastic ❤️”
IMPORTANT TO KNOW ‼️: Q: are there actually multiple copies of acftl with different endings? A: “The book only has one official ending. Which I think is the best ending. However, there are three editions that bonus material in the form of 3 alternate epilogues. The books with bonus epilogues are: 1. Barnes and Noble/Indigo exlusive edition 2. the Waterstones exclusive, 3. the Owlcrate edition. P.S. These 3 bonus epilogues are not canon, they are just for fun! P.P.S. if you get all three, I recommend reading in the order that I shared in this post 😉”
The third map has new locations, along with old ones we have seen like: Merrywood Manor, Merrywood Village, Merrywood Forest, Wolf Hall, Ye Olde Brick Inn: Vacancy One Bed, The Phoenix Tree, Cursed Forest, Tree of Souls, and The Hunt.
ACFTL has 49 chapters with an epilogue. It only has one part titled, IV. Happily Ever After.
The dedication that was revealed says, “For anyone who’s ever hoped for a second chance.”
The tree on the front cover is very important.
ACFTL’s logline: Two villains, one girl, and a deadly battle for happily ever after.
The three words that Stephanie used to describe the book is: Heart-stealing, emotionally-devastating, and painfully romantic.
Stephanie shared the Pinterest board, which could be found here! Some very good hints in there!
The UK editions of ACFTL will have hidden covers. There are four of them and they are: an apple, Jacks’s dagger, a fox paw print, and a wolf in a flower crown.
Fairyloot edition has a special front and back cover that says, "The Greatest Love Story Ever Told: Evangeline Fox and The Prince of Hearts" and "The Greatest Love Story Ever Told: Evangeline Fox and Apollo Acadian."
Quotes Shared:
“Remember, Little Fox.”
“If you stop fighting, you lose.” His hand moved up to her throat and she felt the cool brush of his dagger against her skin. Evangeline went very still. “ Never imagine you’re safe.” The tip of his blade drew a line over her pulse. Her breath caught. She felt him smile against her jaw.
(Possible Quote) “You have no sense of self-preservation. If someone labeled a bottle with poison you would drink it. You take warnings as invitations. You can’t seem to stay away from all the things that will hurt you … like me.”
Evangeline needed something familiar, something to hold onto that would keep her from collapsing back to the ground. Apollo looked at her as if he wanted to be that. He made her think of a hero from a fairytale.
(Page 21) “No.” “No.” “No.” (Page 100) He wanted a piece of her. (Page 213) “You can’t just tie people up and whisk them to wherever you want them.”
Apollo hated apples.
He enjoyed inflicting pain, not receiving it. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to leave the shadows of Evangeline’s bedroom.
“I’m glad you came.” “I’ll always come. Even when you don’t want me to.”
He wanted a piece of her. To keep her. To use her for later.
“What are you to me?” she asked. His eyes locked with hers. “Nothing.”
“Im the one who will never let anyone harm you again.”
“I’m your monster.”
He considered setting the room ablaze just so that he’d have a reason to pick her up and carry her out, to save her one last time, before he left her for good.
“This will hurt.”
#ouabh#once upon a broken heart#ouabh spoilers#tbona#the ballad of never after#tbona spoilers#acftl#a curse for true love#acftl spoilers#evangeline fox#jacks#prince of hearts#jacks x evangeline#evajacks#luc navarro#marisol tourmaline#lala lagrimas#chaos#prince castor#castor valor#prince apollo#apollo acadian#apollo and evangeline#stephanie garber#fairytale#ya fantasy#the greatest love story ever told#can my heart survive this book?#4 days left!!!!
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Wingman pt. 1
Word count:1004
Suguru and Gojo are besties of course. Suguru has kind of been in a slump lately, and Gojo has a new girly. This will be series, there will be a twist next chapter and I'm very excited to see how long I can drag it out
Are you sure?" Geto said. "Yes I'm sure I've been thinking about this for like a week now." replied Gojo. "Okay, because you were sure about that last one too." Geto chuckled. "Yeah but this one is different she's sweet, and smart and funny and smokin' hot!" Gojo said, as they sat down at their table. They were at a small cafe in the city, waiting for a third person to arrive. Satoru had been telling Suguru he wanted him to meet his new love interest, before he officially asked her to be his girlfriend. Suguru had been putting it off, because after the last girl Satoru had brought around he needed a break. She was rude, shallow and she didn't want Gojo around anyone but her.
Gojo claimed this new girl was great and Geto didn’t believe him, but he missed hanging out with his bestie, so he figured meeting her was worth the risk. “Okay she just texted that she’s parking, please be nice!” Gojo’s eyes lit up like a kid. “I will… unless she gives me a reason not to.” Geto was fine with playing nice, but some girl was not going to keep him from his bestie AGAIN. He liked being with Gojo it made him feel lighter. As he read over the menu a gentle breeze blew on the patio where they sat. “ I think I’ll go for something iced it’s a little warm out today.” Gojo said eyeing all the fruity drinks. Geto rolled his eyes. "You just want something sweet!" he thought, but for some reason when he thought it, it came out in a woman's voice. A very pretty woman's voice too. He looked up confused, and soon realized why.
A very pretty woman stood next to the table. She was dressed in a nice green short- sleeved dress that hugged her shape, but didn't show too much. She was shorter than both him, and Gojo with hair the same length as his, but a little lighter in color and much curlier. She was curvy and her face was one he wouldn't forget easily. "Baby you're here!" Gojo stood up in a hurry, hugging her and swinging her back and forth, making the bag she had on almost smack Geto in the face. "I'm here!" she laughed as Gojo finally calmed down and set her down. She turned to Suguru, "You must be Geto! Satoru talks about you all the time!" He stood and reached out for her hand. "Yeah" he chuckled, "good things I hope!" "Oh I'm a hugger, I hope you don't mind," she said as she leaned in with open arms. And Suguru didn't, because as he leaned toward her he was welcomed with a sweet scent that reminded him of a laid-back summer relaxing in a field of flowers.
They both sat down, and he found himself feeling hopeful about this new girl. They ordered their drinks, and made small talk as they waited. By the time they got their orders, they were all laughing together and sharing funny stories about their lives. "If you fellas will excuse me for a second that drink went right through me I'm gonna head to the ladies room really quick." she said. "Take your time sweetheart you look great walking in that dress." Gojo winked, as she giggled and walked away. "So what do you think???" Gojo said excitedly as soon as she was out of earshot. "I think you actually might not be a total idiot. She seems nice." Geto said. "And super hot right?" Gojo said looking at Geto over his shades, and grinning like the pervert he was. "She is pretty." Suguru chuckled. "Would you date her?" Geto said as he leaned in like it was a secret. "What? Why does it matter?" Suguru laughed, leaning back confused. "Because! You're my bestie, the only person anywhere near as great or powerful as I am, and I really value your input here," Geto said. Suguru leaned back to his original position and sighed, "I would" and ignored Gojo leaning in a bit closer. "YESS! Finally!!" Gojo exclaimed, but before Geto could ask why he was so excited, she was back from the restroom.
"You boys just win the lottery?" she laughed walking up. It wasn't hard at all to hear Gojo when he was excited. "I sure did and the winning ticket had your face on it!” Gojo said pulling her chair closer when she sat down. “Yeah, yeah I bet you’ve used that one on Nanami, and the others a few times.” She retorted laughing and rolling her eyes. Geto gazed at the two with what he assumed happiness felt like. She really was pretty, funny too. He just hoped he could keep this happy feeling. Here with his bestie he didn’t feel so lonely anymore. Gojo’s new interest was being nice, and he actually wouldn’t mind her being around while they hung out. As he headed home later, Geto still felt lighter. He walked into his place, and didn’t feel like he was descending into gloom. He sat around for a while, meditated, then got a text.
Gojo: Thank you for coming today I’m really glad you guys hit it off it’ll make this all ALOT easier. :D
Geto: no problem I needed to get out and we haven’t hung in a while.
Gojo: I missed you too bestie ;(
Geto: lol whatever
Gojo: let’s hang out Thursday! I wanna see you againnnnn!!!! We can all cuddle on the couch and eat snacks!! ;*
Geto: lol sounds, good goodnight.
Gojo: goodnight!!!<3
Geto laughed to himself as he got ready for bed, Gojo was always so goofy. Gojo’s couch was definitely big enough for the three of them to fit, but he’d likely be off to the side while Gojo got all the cuddling action. Maybe his girlfriend won’t even come, I doubt she wants to hear more of our stories. Would she?
#gojo satoru#geto suguru#jjk fanfic#jjk#jjk geto#jjk gojo#fanfic#gojo x geto#gojou satoru x reader#getou suguru x reader
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Addicted to you - Chp.13
Pairing: Minchan
Word Count: 4482
Summary: Back home, Minho decides to make the best out of his break and opens up to his mother about the past events. After finding some letters his friends wrote him, he calls Jisung. It takes him a week to finally open Chan's letter, which seems to change everything...
Warnings/Tags: fluff, angst, jisung is too nosy for his own good, emotional hurt/comfort
Chp.12 | Chp. 14
A thousand miles away from the day that we started
But I'm standing here with you, just trying to be honest
If honesty means telling you the truth
Well, I'm still in love with you
Still ~ Niall Horan
Minho had been back at his parents’ home for the last three days. Upon his stay, his mother cautiously asked if all this had anything to do with Chan. Though he probably could’ve lied to his mom, Minho simply couldn’t stop hiding it anymore. He told his mother everything on day two. From how it all started, what Chan had said to him, what happened the day after, and even how his actions harmed himself more than anyone else in the process. He opened up about how much it hurt him since Chan was his first time and first actual lover. He told her how much they struggle to trust each other right now, but can't stay away from one another for too long. Minho went on to tell her about his insecurities kicking in, how he began questioning himself, and his constant fear of failure. He also told her about the night he stopped Chan from leaving, what had happened with Felix and Chan turning up in front of his door a few days later.
His mother had been patiently listening, letting him ramble on until there were no more words left. "I thought something might've happened when Felix said you stopped taking care of yourself. And once I thought about it, it only made sense it was about Chan. You know, usually, he checks in every two weeks, asks if we need anything, how I'm doing, and tells me about you."
Minho had blinked at her surprised. "He does what? I call you every two weeks, why would he..?"
She had smiled at him knowingly. "One of the last times you came home to visit, I told you I'd love to hear from you more often. But I knew it may be hard because of your work schedule. Since you call every first and third week of the month, he took it to heart and started calling every second and fourth week. That way, he filled the gaps for me whenever you were busy." Minho had been too stunned to speak at her revelation, mouth open in shock as she continued. "Anyway, he stopped calling weeks ago, and I thought maybe he was busy. When you missed your call a week later, I thought the same. But then I saw you collapsing during that performance, and still, he didn't call. But Felix did…and I got a bad feeling. He usually calls me when something major has happened."
Minho sighed softly and turned on his side, staring out his window. So Chan had been checking in on his mother all this time, and he never had a clue.
Of course he was…
Spotting his suitcase in a corner of his room, he groaned softly and got up, finally ready to unpack. He threw it on the bed and sat down, opening it up. His clothes were neatly folded, and on top of it was a small plushie he recognized as Jeongin's. "You're too sweet sometimes," he chuckled to himself and placed it on his bed before looking back. He noticed three small balls and realized they were the ones Chan had bought for his cats to take home. Minho took them out gently and smiled sadly at them. He had promised him to take a video of his cats playing with them. There were also some of his favorite snacks in his suitcase, including those damn cookies only Chan knew he loved. He spotted a small box and curiously looked at the piece of paper resting on top.
"Open when you need a reminder to believe in yourself"
He took a moment to consider his thoughts, before ultimately choosing to open it now. There were lots of small pieces of paper with words of encouragement and sweet messages in his friend’s handwriting. "That's so sweet," he said to himself and put it on his nightstand.
Once he had taken out his clothes, he spotted a small package and took that out as well, frowning. He sat back down and opened it, taking out seven envelopes with the names of his members written on them. Minho frowned, took Felix's from the top, and opened it, revealing a handwritten letter addressed to him. "No, they didn't," he breathed out surprised, and checked the other envelopes, pulling out letter after letter from his second family. He started reading them and couldn't stop smiling at all the sweet, thoughtful messages they had written, encouraging him and telling him they missed him. Promising that they'd be there to support him coming back, that a whole month without him would feel awful, and how much they hoped he'd be able to rest. All of them promised to call and visit whenever they could. Minho hadn't felt this warm and loved in a while and promised himself to keep those letters stored somewhere he could reread them whenever he needed to. His fingers brushed over the last envelope with Chan's name on it, and for a moment, he considered opening it. Then he put it aside and decided to look at it another time before dialing Jisung's number, who picked up almost immediately.
"Hey, Hannie," he said softly.
"Minho, I was just thinking about you," he told him happily. "How are you?"
"I'm getting there," he decided to be honest. "My knee's still fucked, my mental health probably as well, but at least I started eating again."
"That's good to hear. The eating part," he added, chuckling. "How have your first three days of exile been?"
"It's been alright. Spending time with my mum and my cats is something I really missed," he told him. "Also, Felix stayed for a day, so I haven't been alone for that long," he giggled.
"Right," he laughed.
"I'm so sorry we didn't have time to talk before I left. How are you feeling?" he asked, and Jisung was quiet for a moment. "You can be honest; I can take it."
"To be honest, I'm a little anxious at the moment. The past few weeks have been wild," he admitted, and Minho hummed softly. "I hope you can forgive me for suggesting a break."
"Hannie, it's fine," he told him sincerely.
"I never thought they'd say a month," he confessed nervously.
"Me neither, dear," he groaned softly. "A month is way too long. I'll bribe Chan with something to let me come back when I get too bored here."
"Just smile at him. That's enough right now," he grinned.
"You think so?" he giggled.
"Oh come on, as soon as he's in his right mind, you have him wrapped around your finger, Min," he laughed. "Are you two okay?"
Minho sighed heavily. "I wish I could answer that, but it's a mess. I guess we both don't really know yet, but it seems like we both want this to end happily."
"Meaning you getting back together?" he asked.
"We've never actually… never mind. I guess that's the destination," he shrugged. "But back to you, you've been feeling anxious?"
"It's just…I feel calmer knowing you're here at the front during a performance or interview. You pick up on a panic attack way sooner than I do. That makes me feel safe," he told him honestly.
Minho smiled sadly. "You're not alone, Hannie. Felix notices as well…and Channie knows how to deal with it and help you through. Just like he did that one time I had the flu and couldn't be there."
"Yeah, you're probably right," he nodded.
"I'm sorry for being such an ass those past few weeks. I know you only tried to help me take care of myself, and I didn't always appreciate it," he told him. "I want you to know that I'm really proud of you, and I'm thankful to have you as my friend.”
"Don't be so sweet, you're making me emotional," he told him, laughing softly. "Did you read my letter?"
"I did," Minho nodded.
"Then you know I'm not mad at you," he said gently. "I love you a lot, and I hope one day soon you'll be able to realize how amazing you are."
Minho smiled and playfully rolled his eyes. "Who's being sweet now?" Jisung started laughing and told him to fuck off. "But seriously, you can call if it gets bad. And if you're too exhausted to talk, I can just talk shit and show you what my cats are doing."
Jisung giggled softly. "That would be nice…Can I see right now?"
"Sure thing," he nodded and got up, calling Soonie over to him. He picked him up, switched to a video call, and got comfortable in bed again. "Say hi to Hannie," he said, waving his paw.
Jisung giggled and waved back. "Hii Soonie, you're happy Minho's back?"
Minho glanced at his cat, who seemed unbothered, and chuckled. "Not much of a talker, are you?" he smirked as Soonie curled up on his chest comfortably and scratched his head.
"Man, you look exhausted," he said, and Minho contorted his face.
"I know, it's fucking bad. My dad already made about a hundred jokes about it trying to cheer me up," he laughed. "I miss our makeup artists already."
"As if they could fix that," he snorted. "You said it yourself, you have to be born beautiful."
"Handsome people get exhausted sometimes, alright?" he quipped back, and Jisung grinned. "How's your love life going? I think we've all been focusing too much on my fucked up one."
"Way to go, hyung," he giggled. "Everything's fine. No strings attached, as you know."
"They're taking good care of you?" he asked.
"Oh, you know our maknae loves to be a tease. Seungmin's there for lazy kisses and cuddles. And Jinnie…," Jisung blushed heavily, and Minho started laughing.
"Alright, I don't need to know how he is in bed, but judging by yours and Felix's reaction to that question, I'd say good," he grinned.
"I think you're the only one of us who's more flexible than-."
"Hannie!" he protested.
"Sorry," he giggled. "I couldn't help but ask Felix since he got a taste of you both."
"You're so nasty," he scrunched his nose softly. "And too nosy for your own good."
"You've been having sex in the practice room, Min. That floor was supposed to be covered with hard-earned sweat only," he told him.
"Who said I didn't work hard for it, huh?" he asked, and now it was Jisung's turn to protest.
"So you're a bottom?" he asked curiously.
"I guess I am," he shrugged.
"Huh."
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked offended.
"I just never thought of you as one," he admitted. "I kind of could imagine Chan more as it…but then also not."
"He had the experience, I just went with it," he shrugged, laughing. "Who knows? Maybe I'm an amazing top when I'm not with Chan."
"I'd let you test that theory whenever you like," he told him absentmindedly, just letting his thoughts casually roll off his tongue. But he soon realized what he said and his eyes widened in shock. "Fuck, sorry."
Minho's eyes widened as well at his comment. He took a moment to regain his voice, and his composure. "Han Jisung, that's a whole different conversation we'll have once things with Chan are settled."
"Yes, hyung," he said sheepishly and buried his face in his hand, laughing. "God, Jeongin is right, I talk without thinking sometimes."
"He's one to talk," he rolled his eyes. "He calls me mum after I scold him for not listening to me, I’m starting to think he's doing that on purpose…don't answer that. Also, to answer your question before, just ask Felix; he knows."
"God, let's change the topic, I know too much," Jisung whined. "How did your mum take it?"
"She already had a feeling this had something to do with Chan," he told him, glad to change topics as well. "She's worried because she knows how in love I still am with him."
"Who can blame you? When he's not talking shit, he's the perfect boyfriend material," he nodded. "Besides his workaholic tendencies, maybe."
Minho giggled softly. "I'll put him off caffeine, he has trouble sleeping without it already."
"It's a vicious cycle," Jisung hummed, agreeing. "But anyway-“ He was interrupted by someone in his background. “What? Tell him I'm talking to Min!"
"Stop messing around! We were supposed to be at the company half an hour ago," Changbin could be heard in the back.
"Again?" he rolled his eyes softly. "My brain's empty."
"Tell that to Chan, now move it," Changbin laughed and appeared in the picture. "Hi, Minho hyung."
"Hi," he chuckled. "Off you go, Hannie."
"Fine," he groaned and rolled his eyes. They exchanged their goodbyes, and Minho giggled softly once the call ended. A talk with Jisung never left him disappointed.
-
It took Minho a week to finally open Chan's letter. He was eating more or less normally again, getting more sleep, and having long talks with his mother about love and his life. His father was pulling him back to reality, telling him he’d have to pursue his dream regardless and not let his own insecurities stop him. By now, he had talked to everyone at least once besides Chan, and he started missing him a little. So after finding his glasses he made himself comfortable in bed and opened the last envelope with Chan's name on it.
“Dear Minho,
I hope you're already doing a little better once you get our messages. At first, I wasn't sure if I should write one myself, but it would've felt wrong not to. I know I'm to blame for how you feel, for the things you're dealing with right now, and for your current insecurity. I wish I could tell you everything in person, but somehow, we keep making it worse whenever we try to talk, so here we go:”
Minho looked up and took a moment to think if he wanted to continue reading the letter today. What if it only confuses him more about their situation? He took a deep breath as his eyes fell back on the page before he knew it.
“I don't know why, but the thought of the others finding out scared me. Maybe because deep down, I'm scared that someone won't approve of us, and it would make things complicated for all of us. Maybe because I'm scared they can't keep their mouths shut in public, and we'll get in trouble if the press finds out. I could've said anything to answer Jeongin's question, saying we're working on new songs or something. But I chose to talk shit about you instead to save myself. Believe me, I still don’t understand my logic behind that either. When you suddenly stood behind me, and I realized you heard every word, I panicked even more, knowing I hurt you.
I wished we could've told them about us differently. But I don't blame you for doing it. When you told them what really happened that night, I snapped. I didn't have my feelings under control. And I know I would've had to tell them at some point, but not like that. I can't say I'm okay with how it happened, but again I don't blame you. You were only reacting to my bullshit, and I clearly pissed you off. I know I said I needed time to work on that, but I know that deep down, I forgave you the night you took my hand and held me close when I needed someone. I can't be mad at you for telling them. It was only fair that they knew the truth.
Even though things have been going on for a year between the two of us, I never thought much beyond the casual kissing and having sex aspect of it. Don't get me wrong, you mean so much more to me than that. But maybe my fear stopped me from imagining anything beyond that. You probably have because deep down, you're a little romantic, and you always got so adorably excited when we did anything normal couples do. I promised you to stand up for the two of us and fight for what we have, but the moment a friend asked, I failed you miserably. I've never been in a relationship before, especially due to the ban. I've decided to stick with casual sex from now and then, but you know that already. Maybe that's why I kept that mindset even though I knew you meant much more to me than anyone else before.”
Minho had to take a break, putting the pages on his mattress and staring out the window. Had he been naive to think about all of this, imagining how happy they could be someday? Rereading the passage, he realized that Chan had been thinking about him as much as he did, maybe even more. But Chan had been too scared actually to do so. So, technically, he hadn't been the only one.
“I don't know if you can ever forgive me for what I said, but I am truly sorry. I never saw you that way. You're not cold, you've always given a fuck about my feelings when others didn’t, and I know you'd never use me. I'm so sorry I even thought differently about it. Minho baby-“
Minho closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath at that all too familiar name he had heard in different settings before. He tried not to think about them too much and resumed reading.
“Minho baby, you're kind and loving and funny, and gosh, I love making you laugh. You're so caring you often think of yourself last. Everyone knows you have their back. You're incredibly talented, and I wouldn't want to lead this team with anyone else than you by my side. Min, you're beautiful inside and out, and it's killing me that I'm the one making you doubt that. You once told me I'm your safe place, and I'm sorry for taking that from you. I don't know if you'll ever forgive me, but I'm ready if or when you do. No matter how we end up, I'll always be there for you. I'll always listen to your worries and make sure you're okay.
I really hope we can go back to normal one day. But until then, I want you to know all of the above. Please take your time and get some rest, you deserve it.
I love you.
Forever yours,
Channie
PS: The following three pages are what I’ve written for our upcoming one-year “anniversary”. If you don’t feel up for getting showered with stupidly sweet shit, just put them aside for now.”
Minho couldn't stop rereading that last passage, trying to wrap his head around it. His fingers shakily brushed over the last three lines, and he felt his eyes brimming with tears. He cursed at himself, not believing how awfully emotional he was at the letter. Inhaling deeply, he flipped the page and read the additional letter Chan wrote. He was crying by the time he was done, feeling a bitter-sweet mixture of being incredibly loved and missing Chan like hell.
Minho grabbed his phone and the letter, sitting down at the window sill and rereading the whole thing three times. Once he was done, he grabbed his phone, and before he knew it, he was already calling him. It had been over a week since they last talked. Thinking back to that day after reading that letter, he missed him so much. He missed his hugs; he missed his soothing voice, he missed his familiar smell.
Chan picked up after a few seconds, sounding a little out of breath. "Hey, what's up?" he asked and took a few steps back, watching the others continue practicing the dance. They had just gotten back from their first few days of promotion abroad and got right back to work. Chan knew they had to tackle upcoming performances a little differently now that their main dancer was missing.
"Channie," Minho sniffled, and Chan's heart sank. "Do you have a minute?"
"Uh, we're in the middle of dance practice-," he started, glancing around the room and bringing more distance between himself and the other members.
Minho nodded to himself and pulled up his knees to his chest, resting his head on them. "Don't worry, go on," he cut him off.
"No, I - give me a moment, okay? I'll call you back," Chan promised and ended the call before he could answer. Chan quickly organized his members to go on without him before rushing up the stairs to his room. He changed out of his sweaty clothes and flopped down on his bed, calling Minho back. Minho picked up soon, and Chan put the phone to his ear. "Hey."
"Hey," Minho answered quietly.
"What's going on? You don't sound good," Chan started out gently. He wondered why he'd call him and not Felix or Han.
"I-I found the letters a few days ago. I read them and they made me a little emotional," he confessed sheepishly.
"Oh, okay, makes sense," Chan nodded and felt relief swapping over him. Nothing bad happened in that case. "Wait, you read them a few days ago?"
"Mhm," he hummed. "I read yours today."
"Oh," he chuckled nervously.
"Did you mean it?" he asked timidly. Unconsciously, he drew in a breath and held it in, awaiting his response.
There was a moment of silence that made Minho nervous. But Chan just needed a second to realize that he was talking about his letter. "Every single word."
"You're very confusing. I hope you know that."
"How so?" he asked calmly, promising himself to try his best to fix this no matter what Minho would say.
Minho chuckled softly and looked at the sunset outside, painting the sky in beautiful hues of pink and yellow. "I don't know what to believe anymore because you were sweet and loving one day, then you pushed me away and said some nasty stuff the next…and now this." The older one hummed gently, not quite knowing what to say. "I forgive you, Channie, I really do. I know I didn't help the situation much by pushing you into a corner. And I'm sorry about the slap, even though you deserved that…and that stupid juice."
Chan didn't know if he should laugh at that last bit or feel relieved about Minho forgiving him. "I know I haven't been easy to be around lately, but what I wrote in that letter came from my heart. You can believe in that."
Minho chewed on his lower lip, sniffling softly as a single tear rolled down his cheek. "Promise?"
"I promise I mean every single word," Chan assured him very gently. "I…I want you to be mine, Minho. I want to make this work for us, even if it's a secret for now because of our career. I want to be better for you because you don't deserve the mess I am currently."
"I'm a mess myself, Channie," he told him.
"It doesn't make me adore you any less," he told him. If Minho could see Chan now, he could see the sincerity in his expression, the want in his eyes. "I'm serious, I want to hold your hand and kiss you in front of our friends. I want to have secret dates with you, I want you to meet my family but not as my friend. I want you back, Min. And I want do right by you because that’s what you deserve."
He closed his eyes in defeat, pushed his glasses up in his hair and buried his face in his knees, quietly crying into the fabric of his sweatpants. "I really miss you, you know," he pressed out.
Hearing Minho’s voice and the sadness in his tone, Chan made a decision then and there, getting up and grabbing a backpack, stuffing some things into it. "I miss you too, so much," he said softly, his heart breaking at how vulnerable Minho sounded. He scribbled a note for his members and put it on the kitchen table before leaving the house, quietly closing the door behind himself. A little later, he was still on the phone with him in a cab.
"You actually think we can keep this a secret?" he asked, suddenly having doubts himself.
"There'll always be rumors no matter what we do," he told him. "We'll just continue to ignore them…or have fun giving them more to gossip about."
Minho giggled a little at that. "You have a point…especially with that new dance. I shouldn't listen to Felix and Hyunjin when they have another 'fun idea'."
"I think it'll be fun," he chuckled.
"You always think it's fun when you have me pressed against you," Minho said smoothly.
"You got me," he snorted, not knowing how heavily he made the other one blush.
When he was only a few minutes away, he told Minho he'd have to get back to practice.
Minho glanced at his phone and saw they'd been talking for over an hour. "Shit, you're right. Sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry about," he assured him. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Okay," he nodded gently, surprised that Chan wanted to continue their talk later.
"Can I tell you something?" he asked softly.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"I love you," Chan said gently, feeling a little nervous as Minho remained quiet for a moment that felt like ages. It had been the first time in almost a year he put it into words besides their goodbye. It was the first intimate 'I love you'. He had described it well before, sneaking his way around those three little words.
"I love you too," he said softly, and Chan could practically hear him smiling. After ending the call, he watched the last bit of the sun disappear from his sight and smiled a little, thinking back on their talk. Were they actually okay again? He heard his door opening and didn't even look in its direction. "Mum, can we talk later? I’m not really up to talking right now, sorry." The last part faded into a whisper.
Chan quietly closed the door behind himself and took in the sight of him. The fading sunlight danced across Minho's hair as his lashes cast shadows on his cheeks. He still had Chan's letter in his hand and his phone next to him. Chan smiled softly, seeing him wear his glasses; to him, he looked very adorable like this. He was more than glad he followed his heart coming here.
Minho frowned softly as his mother didn't answer and turned his head, eyes widening at the sight of him. He stared at him for a moment, and Chan tilted his head at him with a soft smile.
"Surprise?"
"Channie," he breathed out.
Chp.12 | Chp. 14
MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES
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@kai-lee08 @mal-lunar-28 @aaasia111 @galaxycatdrawz @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @malfoygalaxies @hyunniebunni @rebecca-johnson-28 @brownieloved @euphoric-univers
#skz#stray kids#skz fic#chan fic#chan#minho#minho fic#stray kids fic#minchan#minchan fic#chan fluff#chan angst#minho angst#minho fluff#minchan fluff#minchan angst#addicted to you#skz series#stray kids series#requests open
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The Hunt - series
Chap 7. Lovers Rock - Recom Miles Quaritch
reusing this song for a fic bc it’s literally so good omfg
pairing - recom miles quaritch x omatikaya!fem! reader
cw! none
no warnings : proceed!
You adjusted Miles stance for the third time, sliding your hand down his back as you grabbed his waist, pulling him closer to you in order to wrap your arms around him. It was like he was doing this on purpose. Not that you minded, you got to feel up Miles’ back, attractive for reasons unknown to you.
“Hold the bow steady Miles.” You said it low, not wanting to disturb the hexapede you two had found. You stifled a giggle as Miles’ tail flicked between your legs, smacking your calves as he huffed. “I am!” He regretted his tone, watching as the animal startled and ran off. Smacking his teeth, Miles lowers his bow and whipped around to face you.
“Now look at whatcha did! We ain’t ever gonna get a bite if you keep throwing me off.” Miles’ ‘stern’ attitude was laughable, he didn’t mean it, and he knew you knew that.
You giggled once more and cocked your head at Miles. “You haven’t been focused since we got into the forest, Miles.” He bit his tongue, looking away quickly, embarrassed by his obvious feelings. His face felt hot, and his clothes were suddenly stuffy. Why’d you have to look at him like that, teasing him so much. It was unbearable. He nearly melted each time you said his name, and clearly you’d picked up on it. From the way his eyes refused to look at yours and the deep flush of his skin.
You breathed in this sight, you had Miles wrapped around your finger, and hell if you were gonna let the perks of it, pass up. Grabbing his forearms you looked up at Miles with a low lidded gaze. You began to massage the muscle beneath his skin, his person tensing as he looked back at you. You smiled softly at him, hands skidding further up his arms as you drew Miles in. “Oh Miles, don’t be upset, we’ve still got time before eclipse.”
Miles doesn’t even realize the way his body is gravitating towards you, arms going limp as you caressed his skin. His voice cracked as he said your name, wanting to pull away before you two did something regrettable. “Yeah, you’re right, we should get going.”
You pulled away, grabbing your supplies as you and Miles begin tracking another hexapede. The silence between you two becoming suffocating as your tails brushed up against one another. Even if you two couldn’t voice the obvious, your bodies would find ways to express them. Like children you two were, puffing your cheeks as you waited for the other to say something.
Miles was the first to speak, his voice wavering as he grew nervous. Bringing his hand up to the back of his neck, rubbing in embarrassment. “Why don’t we take a break for a second.” You nodded curtly, setting down your pack as Miles cleared the area.
You sat down on the pillowy grass below you, beginning to retrieve the snacks from your pack. Many were from the base, strange human foods you’d grown to like. It was nice when Miles would tell you stories about them, from his memories there were lots of happy thoughts when it came to the treat, ice cream. It was then after your first time trying the snack, you and Miles began trying new flavors together. You’d wondered how these humans were making so many types when all of the ingredients were back on their home.
Miles loved explaining the human world to you, an exchange between the two of you as you taught him to appreciate Pandora. Even as Miles ate his snacks, he observed every part of the area around you. He’d grown to love and respect the forest. With help from you, Miles became closer and closer to seeing Eywa. It made you so happy, seeing Miles understand your home. You smiled at him with the thought in mind, watching his ears track every noise made.
Eventually eclipse came, and your hunting adventure was over. The two of you walked back to base, following the path you two made. It reminded you of your second time in the forest with Miles. Searching for an animal to learn about as he began his first steps in learning the Na’vi way.
You observed his developed agility for the trees. He was beginning to adapt, to both his new home, and his new ways. It was the first time you’d ever seen him so calm, relaxed. It was scary almost. This man was feared and praised for his ruthlessness, and yet, he found himself amazed by the bushes full of kenten, unfurling their fans as you two startled them. He learned patience and happiness. The feelings foreign to the man who’s memories he harbored.
Miles began to learn separation. Separation of Colonel Quaritch and Miles. You helped him see this, for that he was indebted.
Miles focused on you, watching as you were gleefully taking in your surroundings. It made him so happy, watching as you found a spot that overlooked the river below. He joined you, sitting almost flush against you. You two sat the soft silence, no longer suffocating as you admired everything around you.
Miles’ ears perked up when you sighed. He turned to you, waiting for your words. Instead he was met with your skin as you leaned against his shoulder. “Miles.” He immediately stiffened, almost awaiting your command. “Yes?”
His gaze met yours as you looked up at him, neck craned as you wished to see him. Miles nearly died right then and there. Your eyes held his, exchanging words without speaking them, before trailing down his face. Miles face flushed as you looked from his lips back to his eyes. Your expression was softened, full of want and love.
“Miles.” You began to slide your arms around his waist, turning body to see him better. You say on your knees, hands exploring Miles’ back. Miles gasped out as you leaned forward, nearly having him hold you in his lap as you pushed closer to him.
“Y/n.” Miles grabbed your hips excitedly as you began to straddle him. The sight made Miles shudder. You were so beautiful. He massaged the skin beneath his hand as you giggled, bringing your hands from his waist to cup his face.
“Miles.” Your heart was slamming inside of your chest as you leaned in.
“Y/n.” Miles was going to pass out he thought, his expression hardly controlled anymore.
You pressed your lips to Miles’. Kiss soft and measured as you two pulled away. Before you could speak, Miles pulled you down for more, his kiss more sloppy and giddy. You giggled into the kiss before pressing your lips fully down once more.
Chap 8. All the Stars
taglist - @gremlinfuck @katkat1918 @aokimisa23 @kassada @perseny @gar6agef1r3 @sublimedeersong @mechformers
#Spotify#tv girl#lovers rock#miles quaritch#avatar 2#avatar miles quaritch#avatar movie#miles quaritch x reader#avatar the way of water#recom miles quaritch#the hunt series
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Miraculous S4 Review: Representation
And so, here we are, one episode before the finale. Out of order, but we're no stranger to that. Can't believe it's almost over, and boy am I glad because this insanity finally come to an end.
The episode, as per usual, was bad. But it's not the usual kind of bad, and was pretty much decent compared to the last 4 episodes. So, it's an improvement, I guess(?).
So, in short, this episode confirmed that Felix and Adrien are sentimonsters, and Kagami as extension, but I'll talk about that in another post. While there are people who seem to dislike the idea of Fe and Ad being senti, i personally like it. Mostly because they did really well in teasing us about this, until they just drag it out so hard and hardly even trying to do so in S4-5.
So, anyway, the review. Apparently, there's an election for the new mayor between Bustier and that fencing mustache (I remember his name, but it's a pain to write it down).
So they do have election. Huh, who woulda thunk? Feels like just one episode ago they ignore this crucial part for plot convenience to make a teenage girl even more like satan for absolutely no logical reason. Ooh, right, it was one episode ago. Well, two, but my point still stands.
Oh, Miraculous, you just love making things convenient for you, don't you?
Then we see Adrien being Sad Boy™ like he always was, and Plagg had to comfort him. And I really love Plagg here and so far he's been getting consistent development with his relationship with Adrien, that's more interesting than the Love Square tbh.
Then, Adrien down bad for Mari and wanted to reveal himself and fly all the way to Paris because he hated being there.
I appreciate the effort and dedication for love, but wouldn't it be better if you just, idk, ran away before you're in London? Just a thought.
Yeah yeah, there's the ring and stuffs and every single reason why Adrien cannot grow a spine for himself or anyone that's not Marinette. Tell me something I didn't know about Adrien.
Bonus: Here's what That Guy do whenever we demand Adrien to grow as a person.
Moving on, I'd love to talk about how everyone glorifying Mari for the 500th time, but it's nowhere near how pissed I am when they tease Julerose and Marcthaniel. Yes, it's cute to see how Marc and Nath looks like they're "bonding" in secret and Jules being protective over Rose. If this were happening 2 seasons ago, I would've scream in fangirl, but like every other things in miraculous, its either overdue or irrelevant.
Look, I appreciate their sorry excuse of an effort to give us representation (roll credits), but if you actually mean it, either actually doing it or stop teasing it for 5 seasons and make them so much of a side characters that we literally couldn't care less about them. Seriously, this is a serious case, especially with Nath and Marc that I honestly don't see why they even got a miraculous, to the point i thought Lila would get one since those two are so pointless and irrelevant.
Onto the next one, we have Gabridiot Agreste. The man with two brain cells who's fighting for third place. He realized Adrien was gone, barged into Nathalie's room while she's watching his dead wife video, and took the wedding ring from her.
First off, it's quite hilarious that the red part of Nathalie's hair turned white. I know this symbolize that she's dying, but the way it looks, it's like she's purposefully dyeing her hair white to show how dead she is.
Second, I'm getting real tired of watching Emilie saying the same line, on the same phone, for the 50th time this season. This is the equivalent of Gabe talking to her corpse whenever he's about to do a criminal activity that ended up in him failing in the most embarrassing way. Yes, we get it, she wants Gabe to be a good father, you don't need to remind us every single episode how much of a failure he is at becoming one. Also, if your role after 5 seasons is to be a broken record on a phone, just go back to your coffin.
Also, it's probably just me forgetting and i refuse to check every episode to prove it, but what's the reason for Nathalie not to show the video to Gabe? Or has Gabe seen it but ignore it? Please remind me.
Either way, still with Gabridiot, who apparently lacks the bare minimum intelligence to even be classified as a jellyfish, who think that Adrien, who's in London, somehow managed to escape and went allllll the way back to Paris in less than a day. This jump into conclusion stupidity almost match the one we got in Ephemeral, but at least not as outrageously stupid as that episode. Still can't believe that episode even exist.
So he akumatized himself into Nightormentor, and I must say I quite like his costume. Sure, it's basically Collector dress in a drag, but it kinda looks good. Except for the face, that traffic cone head and glasses are a huge no.
Still talking about London to Paris, how the heck did Argos get himself and Kagami into Paris at the same pace as Chat with flying cat add ons? Did he make a jet sentimonster to fly them there? Nah, no way. The whole reason he got the peacock was to prevent anymore sentimonster getting created and killed. Heck, he was absolutely devastated when he had to snap that Red Moon from existence. So there's absolutely no way he'd be doing that, right? Right?
Sigh, who am i kidding.
So, he created a new sentimonster, a tripod, to give Mari a cheap show of his origin and Adrien's, and basically confirmed they're feather boys. Wow! This is big, right?! Right?! But, of course, with the abundance of brain cells in the show, Mari didn't connect the dot and only take it as Felix's story that I'm not even sure if she realized Felix is a senti, let alone Adrien.
Okay, maybe she did realize Fefe is senti, but my bet is that she's still doesn't know Adriboy is a senti. That's literally too much to ask for the show standard, speaking from experience.
Speaking of didn't connect the dots, Felix literally blatantly told Mari that Gabe is Monarch in the video and she didn't get it? Does Adrien filled up that much space in her head that she ignores the very obvious info presented in front of her? Hello? Brain cells? Basic common sense? Toddler level of intelligence? Where are you all?!
Back to the point, what happened to the tripod? Oh right, it got snapped out after it send the message to Marinette to fight for Adrien. To fight Gabe for love.
Remember folks, murder is okay as long as it's for Adrienette.
Also, if the whole purpose is to just give Mari a message, why would he need to take Kagami there as well? It's not like the message is on live. Heck, they didn't even stay until the message is over, so it's clear that it's pre-recorded, or just some magic bullshit, but basically they're not needed to be that close.
"But the amok is in Kagami's ring, and she needs to be there to control it."
Like I said, she's not needed to be there.
Okay, that's not exactly important. Since we're still talking about Kagami, let's talk about plot hole number 451: Kagami knows Mari is Ladybug since Perfection.
Remember a certain blue haired boy going into voluntary exile because he knows the identity of the heroes? No? Neither do the writers.
If she knows Mari is LB since that very episode, why hasn't Monarch learned about that crucial info? She got akumatized TWICE after knowing that, and neither of them meant anything until now. That piece of knowledge should've been in Monarch's ear since ages ago.
"But Kagami wasn't sure if Mari is LB."
My point still stands strong, tall, and mighty. They made Gabe jump into conclusion that Adrien is Chat by him saying "My Lady". I'm just using their stupidity on them.
Then we got Anticat, or I'd like to call it Walmart Chat Blanc. Aside from the hideous blue hair and eye wrecking visual of the dream sequence, this pissed me off real fucking bad, because this can only means one thing: Chat Blanc is irrelevant.
We waited 2 seasons, one of which caused Chat Noir getting depressed because Ladybug refuse to speak about the white world destroyer cat, and the moment he knows about it, it's not from Ladybug and not even what exactly happened. It's just a nightmare. It's not real. He still doesn't know that that event actually real.
We were, once again, robbed of seeing something we have been waiting for years to happen.
Sadly, that's not the end of it.
On side note, I find it hilariously ironic that when Chat wake up from the nightmare, the first person he saw was Kim. "Hey, that's the person i tried to kill a few days ago. Now I have infinite Cataclysm to do so."
Dude woke up from a nightmare into another nightmare, lmao.
So anyway, Gabe lost to a bunch of teenagers once more, they win, and he kept the akuma in a jar so that LB can purify it. I mean, what's a Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir would do without Ladybug appearing, right? Like how the show could not go on without Chat Noir appearing in the episode, right? Of course.
Anyway, remember the whole reason LB needs to purify the akuma is because it will multiply if left too long? Like, idk, an hour at most. And how long did Chat left the butterly? Why haven't that flappity flap flap not self-reproducing like rabbit on steroids during mating season?
Also, can't he just Cataclysm the akuma? We know in Chat Blanc it's possible and have no side effect whatsoever. Plus, he can now use multiple Cataclysms. Just get rid of it. You have no qualm when you tried to Cataclysm Scarabella, your principal, and your friend whose face is the first thing you saw when you wake up from your nightmare, so what gives?
Oh right, it's the villain. He has qualms only when it comes to hurting the villain. I forgot.
Also, let's take a moment of silence for Chat, who finally got an episode where he's the one shining, where he's supposed to be the one who save the day, but ended up being utterly useless and needed help from a bunch of teenagers.
Look, I'm not saying he shouldn't get help or anything, but how hard are you going to glorify Ladybug for being able to win a fight by herself and never let Chat do the same, not even once?
And then both Adrien and Kagami came back to their abusive parents. Just, why? I get why Adrien came back, aside from the nightmare and his inability to grow a spine, but Kagami? You have your own freedom, you got balls bigger than Adrien could ever have, and you're independent. Just stay with Felix, hide, and Amelie most likely already know your circumstances too, or at least she'll let you stay for Felix's sake.
"But she might not feel comfortable doing that."
You know who else should not be comfortable doing something? Chat Noir when he's down to murder people that he knows.
Also also, don't any of them gonna ask how the hell they ran away? No? Of course not. And Gabridiot and Tomoron decided to become a very reasonable and good parents and put their kids inside an entirely white, mental asylum-esque room where the only color they can see is their clothes and hair.
Seems familiar?
Yep, they are batshit insane.
And please don't tell me that square on the corner is their bed. Good lord, I know you're angry they disobey you, but treat them humanely at least.
All in all, this is 6/10. Lots of dumb moments as per usual, but it's not blatantly moronic like half of the episodes this season has. I quite like Nightormentor's costume and how Plagg comfort Adrien in that small scene. I'm surprised that I'm not furious at all, just mildly annoyed. Overall, it's decent.
Then again, this has been my opinion, and now it's your turn. Do you like it, or hate it? Is this a good build up for the finale? Leave your thoughts down below, and I will see you in the next one. Byeee.
#I cant wait until Revolution aired to post this one#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#miraculous lb#mlb#miraculous representation#miraculous salt#ml salt#mlb salt#miraculous ladybug salt#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#gabriel agreste#felix fathom#kagami tsurugi#miraculous marinette#miraculous adrien#miraculous gabriel#miraculous felix#miraculous kagami#ml writing salt#ml writers salt
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The post about Eiffel you just reblogged really reminded me of my impression of Eiffel about halfway through the live show i.e. he's someone who really can't stand to be alone with his thoughts. You know the way he either starts hallucinating people (mayday, bolero, brave new world) or talking to himself (am I alone now, live show) and the only time we really see him quiet and alone is right after shut up and listen. It's like if he stops talking for a second he'll have to be alone with his own thoughts and just be left to deal with reality on his own. In early seasons he gives off the impression of someone who is constantly trying to run away from something but the thing he's trying to escape is himself.
There's also something there about how he cannot see himself as a real person until someone explicitly confronts him about it. Until that point he can only process his experiences through fiction like turning his life into a story or through endless pop culture references. Idk if I'm making any sense here I'm sorry if this is too incoherent but to conclude thinking about Eiffel for too long makes me lose my mind.
Also I love your wolf 359 analysis! It's always a joy to read and I hope you have a nice week! 🌻🌻🌻
YES, exactly!! i think that's all completely true. eiffel so desperately wants to narrativize his life. he talks to himself constantly. he talks about himself in the third person. like you said, it's how he processes the world and communicates via pop culture references and how the only time he stops doing that is also in constructive criticism. how sarah shachat said for eiffel to tell his story in limbo, he'd first have to make it a story. how he uses third person for all of the events up until the crash itself, and then it becomes "i"... and then in ep 44 "i felt like i was those mistakes. like i was just those mistakes."... and how in mayday he subconsciously puts his ideas into the mouths of other people - anything that might help him is externalized, is someone else's help that he's just reacting to, but when it goes wrong, it's always his fault.
ep 6 "the only things you've done for the past 500 days have been sleep on the job, endanger our lives, and continually make stupid jokes just to hide the fact that you're -" / ep 48 "it's taken me this long to realize that running from everyone else means that you're alone with yourself" / ep 51 "or are you just trying to not be bored for half a second? to distract yourself from how much you can't stand yourself?" etc.
there's something about how eiffel views himself as a vessel for communication more than an active agent (and the way that's mirrored in the dear listeners taking his voice/form), and also... how he sees himself as uniquely bad, uniquely doomed, etc. - other people are complicated and human and can always change, but not him. he has different rules for himself. confronting that in shut up and listen and then confronting himself both from a very internal and then a very external point of view in the finale is... a big part of why i feel the way i do about eiffel's memory. he's spent his whole life trying to get away from himself, and i just don't think it's satisfying or fitting with the themes of the show if in the end he actually kind of does. i think there's a good potential post-canon set up for eiffel needing to accept all versions of himself as himself to move forwards; it's just another step in line with his canon development - "the longer i didn't say anything, i felt like i was getting farther away from that person" - but he's still doug eiffel, and eventually he always has to deal with that. and maybe it'll be easier with people who want doug eiffel around.
(and aw, thank you!! i hope you have a nice week, too!! 💙)
#thank you for sending me your eiffel thoughts. he is so. oughh he makes me lose my mind#i think there's also a parallel between the way eiffel thinks about himself vs how hera thinks about herself#even though it comes from a very different place they're both people who have really internalized the idea that#they're uniquely doomed and whatever goes for other people could never apply to them in the same way. and unlearning that is a big deal#it keeps coming back to that conversation from bach to the future#anyway!! thank you i love to talk about him#asks#wolf 359#doug eiffel
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HI ECHO!!!
I’m in love with you so I’m sending in a request
Could be spicy could not be
Joel with a reader who loves using her camcorder, recording Joel making his guitars, building, christmases, parties, dinners, you name it, she loves capturing their moments together
They’re driving together in the country, on a run outside of Jackson, and she has her camera and he looks to her and just “you ever thought about using that for somethin’ a little more… intimate, peach?”
Smut. Smut in the backseat of his truck. He’s just recording how you take him, and it’s so intimate and sweet.
GOOBER HI<33
so i actually don't write smut much so i decided to make this extra fluffy to compensate<33 i hope you like the ending :DD please tell me how you like it!
Three times Joel is in front of the camera and two times he's behind.
The first time he sees the camcorder recording him, he playfully shoves it out of his face and raises an exasperated eyebrow at his girl, who just smiles sweetly at him.
The second time, he finishing up with a guitar and he groans as he sees the blasted thing in his peripheral vision.
" Come on, Joel! Smile for me!" she says, laughing a little at his expression and much to his horror, he finds himself smiling widely at the camera before looking away. The sounds of delight that come from her make his lips twist again as he looks at her features that are bathed in golden sunlight.
"What?" she asks, the camera still in her hand.
He says nothing, only walks over and kisses her softly, rendering her speechless. He takes the opportunity and quickly snatched the camcorder and bolts out the door.
Later, they both laugh at the recording of his cheeky high pitched chuckle as her banshee screams echo in the background.
The third time, he's trying to make something for Ellie. And surprise, he's spectacularly failing at baking a cake.
---
His adorable huffs of annoyance make you giggle to yourself as you set the camcorder down on the counter, still recording, as you slowly approach him, caressing his shoulder first so you don't startle him, and hug him from behind as he whisks three eggs and adds them to the flour before anything else.
It's only when the camera starts beeping when she realizes she forgot is was there. By then, the two of them have made the cake and made out against the counter as well.
--
He's never been much of a dancer, before the outbreak, Tommy was the charmer, the one who loved taking girls dancing and bringing them back to his place.
Joel preferred watching. He'd always been the silent, observant older brother. Looking at every detail and aspect of everything around him. It was part of his job description as a construction worker.
That observant part of him slipped in as he shamlessly watched her dance with everyone during christmas celebrations. It's snowing, and cold, and he would be feeling miserable if it weren't for her. His darling, who found it fun to catch him off guard and record him, or who'd kiss him silly whenever she felt like it, his girl who was dancing with the girl who had become his daughter and lip syncing to whatever song was playing.
"I'm finally crazy" he thinks to himself as he goes inside the house and gets out the camcorder. But he can't help himself, he wants this moment to be preserved, so he can look at it again and remind himself why he bothered to go on.
He switches it on and begins to record.
---
This man has faced clickers, he's seen the worst humanity can offer. He's commited atrocious crimes and done much worse.
So he absolutely should not feel like getting out of the moving car and running back all the way to Jackson.
"Hon, you okay?" she asks him as he stops the vehicle near a field.
He only nods, kissing her forehead and breathing deeply as he fished into his bag to fish out her camcorder. When he finally find it, he switches it to records and sets it on the front panel so the both of them are in view.
"Joel?" she looks between him and the camera, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed.
He breathes out.
"Baby-
"What, Joel?" she asks him again, holding his left hand.
"You know I love you right? I'v found you when I thought i might never find it again. Meeting you was how I met Ellie and now we're all a family. An unofficial family." he clears his throat, " I love you so much, darling. And I have to ask you-" he pulls someting out of his pocket. A velvet box.
"Baby, will you make our family official and marry me?"
The last thing the camcorder sees is the loud exclaim of "Yes!" and laughter before it is unceremoniously knocked from it's spot as she lunges for him and kisses him hard.
But it recorded all the sound as well. It's safe to say Ellie won't be getting that camcorder anytime soon.
#joel miller x reader#joel miller#tlou#the last of us#the last of us fanfiction#pedro pascal#echo actually writes
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“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Country Singer!Joel Miller x Female Reader
This is my entry for the 1k event found on @pedrostories
Trope: Forced Proximity
Masterlist
Rating: M for Mature (18 + no minors allowed)
Word Count: 12.7K (T.T Sorry )
Story Summary: Amidst a raging storm, an unexpected meeting thrusts you into forced proximity with former country sensation, Joel Miller, in the midst of an isolated nowhere. As the evening unfolds, filled with tension and vulnerability, both of you unveil the depths of your grief and heartaches. Through this shared journey of sorrow, an unanticipated bond forms, and maybe some light at the end of the storm.
Warning: Mentioned of death, TLOU canonical character death, mentioned of attempted suicide, depression, mental health struggle, referenced to cheating, angst, hurt and comfort, allusion of alcoholism, self hatred, smut, sexual intercourse, P in V, oral (female receiving), no protection, one night stand, age gap (late 20s/early 30s Reader with mid 40s Joel(No Minors Allowed! Thank you)
Notes: Hey everyone, I am taking a short break from my regular story to enter the 1K event on @pedrostories. What was supposed to be a short one shot, became an almost 13k word Behemoth! Although this is intended as a standalone, I found myself really liking the universe and the characters. If any of you would be interested to see more of the universe, I would be super open to making a second and a third part 😀 🤞 😀
Let me know what you all think and if you'd like to see more of it and if you enjoy the story. I always love to hear what you all think!
Again, thank you to everybody, I love you all so much xxx Sending you all the love and support wherever you are ❤️
(SMUT BETWEEN **** SKIP IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT****)
Joel Miller sat hunched next to the large stone hearth, He carved a solemn figure in the corner of his secluded cabin. Far into the woods and away from the rest of the world, he had called this place his home for the past decade. Clutched in his hands was a photograph —a young girl, her long curly hair and dusky complexion frozen in a smile that still reached into his very soul and threaten to rip it out everything he looked at it. That smile, oh, how he longed to see it again, it had been his only wish for so long. Even for just minute, a mere second; he would gladly give his soul to have his life lighted by the smile of his babygirl just one last time.
With a gentle touch, Joel traced the delicate outline of his daughter, the girl whose absence had dug a profound whole in his heart. One that could never be mended again. It was ten years today, Joel thought bitterly. But still, he clung to her memory fiercely, fearing the gradual fading that time brings to everything. He dreaded the thought of losing the vividness with which he saw her now, a fear that gripped him tighter as the years moved forward. The details that once were clear as the early morning dew now seemed to slip through his fingers like grains of sand. The echo of her laughter, the title of the last book she held in her hands, the subtle nuances that made her unique—he struggled to grasp them, and this realization filled him with fear and hatred. What kind of father forgot about his babygirl?
Was her sneeze loud as his own, or was it a delicate sound, more like a sweet whisper? The uncertainty gnawed at him, a relentless reminder of the gaps in his mind. Why couldn't he rememeber? What if a day came when he could no longer conjure the contours of her sweet face or the mischievous curve of her teasing smile? The thought was unbearable, the guilt consuming him more each days.
Joel’d never considered himself an exemplary father, he grappled with the weight of regret for being too engrossed in his career to give his daughter a normal childhood. The rhythm of their lives was not marked by little league games and playdates with neighbours; instead, it was deafining with the roar of tour buses and the pungent scent of roadies, accompanied by the loud cheering of fans all over the country. Sarah’s life had always been unorthodox and it had been his fault—home tutoring replaced high school classrooms, the lessons fitting in the gaps between Nashville and Austin, where he recorded albums to give entertainment to the world. Something that, looking back, seemed futile and completely stupid. He would give all of his money, awards and recognition away just to hold his Sarah one more time.
When she died, he was stripped bare, nothing left inside the whole where his heart had once been. And Joel found himself adrift, the passion for his craft evaporating. How could he make music without the sound of a heart that once beat in harmony with his daughter's laughter? The will to create, the desire that once fueled his artistry, had lost its pulse. The prospect of touring, once thrilling and freeing, now seemed like an empty road stretching into oblivion. What purpose did it serve if Sarah was no longer there to illuminate the stage of his life? The exhilaration of performance, the applause that once gave him purpose—these fragments of success had become hollow, devoid of meaning.
It was not all bleak though, amidst the darkness of his existence, there were moments where the good outweighed the bad. Nights brought dreams of Sarah, where her presence was vibrant and tangible. In those dreams, she would look at him with that familiar smile, and for a fleeting instant, the chasm between what was dead and alive seemed to bridged together. Joel would see her as clear as day, sitting together in their old house, the echoes of their conversations resonating through is sleeping form. It seemed like hours would melt away as Joel and Sarah would delve into discussions about music and school sharing stories that held a fragile thread between past and present. But in the end, dawn would inevitably break, and reality would reassert its grip. Joel would inevitably wake up, the cabin steeped in an unsettling silence, his heart laden with the guilt and grief of her absence. Those dreams were his sanctuary, a bittersweet realm where he could briefly hold onto the warmth of what once was. But he couldn't live in dreams, and now even those moments that seemed to make life bearable were starting to wade in their appeal; they appear more cruel than kind as every mornings killed him a little more.
A resounding clap of thunder reverberated through the confines of the cabin. In its wake, a brilliant flash of lightning pierced the darkness. Joel sighed heavily and the raindrops began their relentless descent upon the cabin's roof and walls. It seems like the world outside mirrored his internal turmoil, the tempestuous weather a reflection of the storm within. 3652 days had slipped by a relentless procession of time. 87,648 hours of unbearable absence. Each passing moment stretched into an eternity, a cruel reminder of how long he had been without his cherished little girl.
Immersed in this ceaseless torrent of sorrow, he existed in a realm of suspended animation. Every action felt like a monumental effort, and the concept of simply being felt like an insurmountable challenge. The world around him had dimmed, muted by the overwhelming weight of his emotions. In this somber existence, even the simple act of drawing breath carried the weight of an arduous task. The colors had faded from his world, leaving behind a landscape of gray and desolation, mirroring the emptiness within.
His hand reached out, fingers closing around the cool neck of the whiskey bottle resting on the low table before him. A pang of bitter guilt tightened within him—he could almost hear his little Sarah's admonishment, disapproving of the choice he was about to make. She always hated the strong smell of liquor that would linger on his old leather jacket when they would go on tour. His eyes drifted toward the shotgun that rested next to the door, his heart seized tightly within his chest. Maybe tonight he would do it, he thought. Maybe tonight he would free himself from the pain and the guilt of an existence without Sarah.
In the stillness of the cabin, Joel's voice trembled with pain and longing as he whispered, "To you, babygirl, I miss you so much."
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Loud knocks echoed through the quiet cabin, making Joel freeze in his tracks. Raindrops kept beating in a frenzied rhythm on the roof, their clamour joining forces with the unexpected raps. Joel couldn’t remember the last time someone had knocked on his door. With how remote cabin the cabin was, there was hardly any visitors, ever. Only his brother Tommy and his old manager Tess knew about this place. Tess used to drop by every now and then, hoping he'd start working on a new album (which would never happened). But now she knew better than that.
With slow and deliberate movements, Joel set the bottle onto the table's worn surface, his movement unhurried as if not to disturb the tension that now hung in the air. His gaze swept the room, his gaze landing again on the shotgun near the entrance. He grabbed it and made his way to the entrance. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be a zealous fan who had somehow found his address. He really wasn’t in the mood tonight to re-enact Misery.
He swung the door open, his irritation peaking, prepared to confront whoever was bothering him on this day above all others.
"I don't know if ya capable of reading,", his voice dripping like venom, seeping with annoyance, "but in case ya missed it, there's a 'Private Property' sign right on the..."
You sat on the large leather couch, trying to make yourself as small as possible while your body shivered involuntarily as the chill from your drenched clothes seemed to seep into your very bones. You didn't want to be here. The man who opened the door for you certainly didn't want you here. But the violent storm outside had other ideas. The dirt paths of the forest had turned muddy and slippery and the force of the wind and rain had completely obscured your vision, there was no way you could have made it back to your car in those conditions. So when you had spotted the cabin as you were looking for shelter, you had almost cried in happiness. Now you weren't so sure as anxiety gripped you. You replayed the moments after the door swung open, revealing a stern looking man who eyed you with a mixture of surprise and suspicion. The hint of a shotgun nearby had done nothing but intensify your fear. For a second you had wanted to bolt from the place, but you had no other choice. In the end the man had let you in, simply introducing himself as Joel.
Clutching your arms around yourself in a futile attempt to generate warmth, you look around yourself at the interior of the cabin. Surveying your surroundings, the rustic charm of the living room did little to alleviate your anxious mind. The ambiance should have felt cozy, even romantic in any other circumstances, with the warm wooden decor and the crackling fireplace. But under the weight of your current predicaments, thoughts of roasting marshmellows and teasing kisses were at the back of your mind.
You were alone, drenched to the bone, in the company of a man you knew nothing about. Shit that was exactly how people died in horror movies. I am totally going to get myself killed, you despair frantically. They’ll find my body dismembered in a bunch of little pieces all over the forest, your mind supplied unhelpfully.
You tried to calm yourself as best as you could, taking deep breath in an attempt to settle your mind. Frustated, you pulled out your phone. The meager 8% battery life and lack of data coverage was a sobering reminder of the shit you were in. If anything were to go awry, if this Joel turned out to be less than accommodating, you'd be stranded with no means of communication.
You had shared your plans for the day with your friend Chrissy mentionning how you were going to take the Broken Bow trails to. But even then, you two had been texting sporadically since you left DC so you were fully expecting her not to worry until several days had passed. Not ideals if you were to disapear without a trace. So, if Joel shifted from hospitable to hostile, no one would be none the wiser. And you would become forest fertilizer.
At this point, you were hoping that Joel would be more the flower and wine type instead of rope and chainsaws. Speak of the devil, the man appeared in the doorway, his large frame illuminated by a flash of lightning. In his arms, he was holding what you believed to be clothes "Got these for ya," he stated curtly, his gaze holding yours for a fleeting moment before he gestured vaguely toward the stairs. "Shower’s up those stairs. Go change and I’ll get some coffee on the stove. It'll warm ya up"
Your initial instinct was to decline, you began to stammer, only to be met with Joel stern gaze "I ain’t letting ya freeze to death in my livin’ room," He stated firmly his tone a command that quashed any protests. His words were spoken clearly, and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. "Now go," he added, his tone leaving no room for negotiation.
Under the weight of his stern order, nervousness bubbled within you, mingling with a touch of gratitude. The contrast between his gruff demeanour and the kind gesture of care left you momentarily speechless. All you could do was nod, your voice silenced by his unspoken authority.
With a whispered "thank you," you accepted the bundle of clothes from his hands, your fingers brushing against his in a fleeting spark of connection. Without further words, you turned and hastened toward the staircase, his gaze lingering on your retreating form for a moment before he turned his attention to the kitchen where the coffee was. The stairs creaked under your hurried ascent, each step carrying you further away from the enigmatic man who had offered you shelter in this storm.
Twenty minutes slipped past quickly, after the hell of a day you'd just had, you felt like you were in heaven. The sensation of being washed clean, wrapped in warmth, and clad in what you swear were the coziest clothes you’d ever felt on your skin. A pair of well-worn gray sweatpants and a faded band shirt clung to you like a reassuring hug. You sighed contendly before meeting your own gaze in the bathroom mirror.
Looking back at yourself, you started to contemplate that you would soon have to venture downstairs to thank Joel. At the thought, a flutter of nervousness twirled in your stomach. The bathroom, with its locked door, felt safe, shielding you from the uncertainties of the rest of the night. Staying here, was tempting, at least until morning. Even if Joel had been nice so far, you didn’t know the guy from Adam. But in the end, you knew that you couldn’t just hold the guy’s bathroom hostage. Plus, practical needs called—you had to charge your phone, and the promise of warm coffee was hard to resist. Pushing a damp strand of hair behind your ear, you started to quietly make your way downstair. Praying to every Gods you knew that Joel was the good samaritan he seemed to be.
Returning to the living room, your gaze settled on Joel, perched on the same leather couch where you had sat earlier before he directed you to the shower. On the floor nearby lay some old rags, sopping wet with the water that had seeped in along with your drenched clothes.
Joel sat with a tensed back; his focus consumed by something he held in his hands. Tentative steps carried you closer, each one a whisper of uncertainty. Yet, despite your movements, the man remained oblivious, lost in whatever held his attention.
You approached with trepidation, your heartbeat quickening in the otherwise silent room. Your eyes flicked to the object in his hands, curiosity mingling with your apprehension. Peering over his shoulder, your breath caught as your gaze locked onto the image, he was engrossed in. A young girl, staring back at you with a bright, innocent smile that seemed to transcend even the still image of the photograph.
The room seemed to hold its breath, a moment suspended between your gaze and the photograph. "She's really pretty," you ventured softly, your voice a hesitant thread. Joel's response was sharp, almost as if you had slapped him. "... she was," his words carried a weight that hung between you both, heavy with a bittersweet melancholy. As your heart clenched at his words, understanding washing over you like a cold shower.
An awkwardness settled in the air, thickening the silence. You felt the pulse of your heart, its rhythm echoing the sense of disquiet that now swirled around you. Meeting his gaze, you found yourself lost in the depths of his sad brown eyes.
Summoning your courage, you utter "Thank you again for saving my skin out there," your words wavered slightly, betraying your uneasy timidity. "I put my wet clothes on the rack in the bathroom to dry. Hopefully, they'll be alright by morning, and I'll be out of your hair as soon as possible." The words tumbled out in a rush.
Joel's gaze remained on you, as if he was studying you intently, trying to unravel something beneath the surface. His response was measured, his voice carrying a southern twang "... 'tis no problem," he conceded after a beat. "Coffee should be ready," he added.
You nodded and followed in the wake of Joel's towering form. Along one wall, your eyes landed on an acoustic guitar that with the dust covering it, seemed to have remained untouched for a while. Intrigued, you couldn't help but point at it as Joel poured the rich black liquid into your mug. "You play?"
The response was understated, but you could tell there was more to say to this story. "... used to."
You took the hint, choosing not to pry further. At the very least, Joel didn't strike you as the stuff of horror movies; in fact, there was something about him that felt invitingly genuine. A warm and gentle gruffness that seemed lost in this day and age. As he poured coffee into your mug, your gaze wandered over him, observing the details that your earlier unease had masked.
Joel, in his rugged masculinity, demanded attention by his very presence. His size and broadness were emphasized by the worn flannel he wore, his biceps and shoulders hinting at strength beneath. Shaggy brown hair carried threads of white, suggesting a long life lived. You guessed he must be in his mid-40s. As he extended the cup toward you, his face once again came into view, and you couldn't help but acknowledge the magnetic allure he commanded.
But there was a sadness etched into those handsome features, an undertone that tugged at your curious nature. Your earlier observation seemed validated by his demeanour—tired and burdened. His reaction to the photograph had been a cryptic puzzle piece that hinted at a story you could only begin to piece together. Silently, you returned to the living room, the space that now felt familiar in its strangeness. As you both settled back down on the couch, Joel offered a comfortable-looking blanket, a gesture that warmed you in more ways than one. "Here, it's cold."
His soft gaze met yours, accompanied by a tentative smile. You felt yourself burned under his gaze, a response to the genuine kindness he radiated. Accepting the blanket, you cocooned yourself within its folds, savouring the moment with this stranger with a larger heart than most of your old friends.
A comfortable silence enveloped the room, your shared presence settling into a serene rhythm as you both sip your coffee. Then, Joel's voice cut through the quiet, breaking the spell. "I put your phone on the charge. I hoped it's okay."
The unexpected statement jolted you slightly, and you responded quickly, "Yeah, it's alright. Thank you so much." Your gratitude was met with silence from Joel.
His hand reached for a bottle of whiskey positioned beside the photograph you had noticed earlier "You mind?" he inquired, and without words, you extended your mug, a silent affirmation that brought a warm laugh from Joel. The sound resonated in the room, carrying a hint of teasing as he added a splash of whiskey to your coffee before topping his own. You found yourself loving the way he sounded when he laughed.
Your lips curved into a wry smile as you voiced the irony that hovered between you. "I know I shouldn't, a girl all alone in a cabin with a strange man who gets drunk on whiskey, its literally the beginning of a horror movie." Your words carried a touch of dry self-awareness. "But at this point, I guess that if you wanted to cut me up and dump me in your backyard, you would've done it already."
Joel's response was immediate, his words laced with dry amusement. "Not really my style. Too messy."
You met his words with a dry look, "That's good to know," the exchange drew the first genuine smile from Joel.
"So, what's your story? Why're ya in the woods in the middle of the night?" Your reaction was a scoff, a playfulness smirk edging on your face.
"I mean, it's 9 pm. Hardly the middle of the night." However, your attempt to downplay the situation was met with an unimpressed eyebrow raise from Joel. He kept on looking at you, as he sipped his spiced coffee, a silent challenge written in his eyes. You wiggled under his stare feeling bare and open, your most secret parts expose for Joel's eyes to explore.
One part of your brain insisted that you shut up, keep the conversation brief, feign a headache, and retire for the night. However, another part of your mind encouraged you to confide in him, to share the minutiae of pain and heartache that you had carefully concealed since leaving DC. It urged you to unseal the chest you had locked away and pour out its contents – the essence of your soul – at his feet.The thought crossed your mind that Joel likely didn't receive many visitors in this cabin in the middle of nowhere, if any at all.
Leaning into the quiet intimacy of the moment, you found yourself opening up to him, allowing the words to flow from you like the torrential rain falling outside. "Well, I was a project manager back in DC, worked that job for about four years after college," you began. Memories of your time in the office flitted through your mind, remembering the long hours that stretched long into the night and the thankless faces you would see everyday.
You continued, "There had been some layoffs happening, but my boss told me I'd be fine." Your voice carried a tinge of bitterness, a lingering taste of disappointment. "Turns out I wasn't fine. She called me into the office last month, told me to pack my things, and said security would escort me off the premises." The raw frustration in your words was still palpable, "Like I was a fucking criminal!"
The expletive slipped from your lips, your emotions laid bare, you met Joel's gaze but he simply shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Like he was feeling the same emotions as you, like he was angry on your behalf. He then opened his mouth in a low whistle steeped in your shared indignation. "What a bitch," he declared emphatically.
A wry smile touched your lips as you continued, recounting the details of that shitty day that had changed everything for you. "And that's not all," you added, "So, I'm hysterical, you know? I just lost my job and all." You took a deep breath, "I call my boyfriend, but no answer. I figure he's busy. It's the middle of the day, so I think nothing of it. So, I get to our apartment. I open the door, and there's clothes all over the place, like a goddam hurricane happened. And then, I hear that bastard going at it in the bedroom." A groan escaped you, still pained at what you had found that day.
Joel said nothing but extended the bottle to you, an unspoken gesture. You grabbed the bottle, the whiskey warmed your throat as you took a hearty sip, to settle your nerves and your heart.
All the while, Joel remained silent, his presence a steady anchor, "So yeah, he was screaming, she was screaming, and I was screaming," memory seemed distant, a scene from another life, like you were watching a movie "I was so angry. I could have throttled them." The bitterness was palpable in your words, "But in the end, the apartment was under his name, because I had moved into his place, and we hadn't renewed the lease yet."
So that was it, loss layered upon loss until even the space you had called home was stripped away. "So, he basically told me to pack up my shit and leave. Which mind you, I was more than happy to." you added.
But then, you got quiet, That night, I found myself in a McDonald's drive-through, and it struck me that within a single day, I had lost my job, my boyfriend, and my apartment," your voice softened as you recollected everything that had gone wrong so quickly. "So, I made the choice to leave DC, to escape the city," you went on, "I suppose I was hoping to discover what direction I truly wanted my life to take."
"And now you're here," Joel supplied.
"And now I am here," you echoed.
Joel's hand reached out, his touch a silent comfort on your arm, skin raising under his touch as if he was setting it on fire. His voice was gentle as he spoke, his empathy evident. "'M sorry 'tis happened to ya sweetheart, it ain't right."
You felt yourself clench at the endearing word, a small timid smile tugged at your lips, "Yeah, that's life though," you replied, "Sometimes it hits you, and there's nothing you can do about it, My mom told me once that it's not about how many times you fall down, it's about how many times you can get back up. And even though all that's happened hurt like hell, I won't let that define who I am."
Joel's gaze bore into you, “You ‘ma seems like a smart woman.”
You smile a bit at his words, “She is, you'd like her. She isn’t the type to appear on people’s porches in the middle of the night.” You joke.
“Thought it was jus’ 9 pm?” Now you let out a loud guffaw, “Joel are you teasing me?” Your only answer was a sign of Joel’s hand motioning toward the bottle that you still held in your hands. You handed it over, watching as he took a hearty sip himself, copying your earlier movement.
"Her name was Sarah," Joel's voice was heavy as he uttered those simple words.
You watched him closely as he gestured towards the photograph with the smiling girl "She was my little girl," his voice trembled. "And I loved her more than anything in the world."
You let him continued at his pace, not wanting to spook the man "Raised her m'self, her mom didn't want nothin' to do with us," his words held a touch of resignation and a whole lot of bitterness. "She was the only light in my life." The pain in his voice was palpable.
His voice faltered, moved by the vulnerability he was showing you, you shifted closer, a gesture of comfort that mirrored the earlier touch he had offered you. Placing your hand on his knee, you offered a gentle squeeze, to reassure him of your presence and understanding.
Joel took a deep breath, "When she 'as just a baby, I was workin' construction, but it didn't pay much," he began, "So in the evenin', I would go to the bar and sing and play guitar. There I met Tess; she loved my sound and soon enough she became my agent. Next thing ya kno', Sarah and I 're in Nashville, and I'm recordin' music full time." you interjected raising your eyebrow with curiosity. "So, the guitar..."
He nodded, his expression softening as he continued. "Yeah, from when I was makin' music. Was a pretty big deal for a while."
"So, I would have heard of you?" you asked, your tone light earning a light scoff from Joel as he shook his head, a rueful smile gracing his lips. "Unless ya into country, I don’t think so."
You offered an apologetic smile, "Can’t say I’ve listened to much.”
His response was warm, reassuring. "It's okay." Joel continued, " Sarah and I did it for a while. The lifestyle. I would make music, tour, but she was always there with me. It was a lot of hours, and she was homeschooled so she could stay with me." His voice wavered, his gaze distant as he spoke, lost in the memories. "But we were happy. For a while anyway."
At his words, you tightened your grip on his knee, "One night, we had a big fight," Joel's voice carried a heavy ton. “Sarah, she was upset. Wanted a normal high school life, friends her age. But I was gearing up for a tour and we’d be on the road for at least six months. She wasn't having it. Said she'd rather stay with my brother, Tommy than go on another tour with me."
"I tried to make her feel better, promised her we’d have fun, that she could meet people her age at the hotels we’d be staying at" he continued, his voice filled with regret. "Told her this tour would be the last, that we'd settle down after that, somewhere quiet in the middle of nowhere.” His breath itched as he struggled to keep his voice steady, “And I promised I'd stop making music. But she didn't want to hear none of it." His voice quivered, "She told me she hated me." You winced at his words.
"I got angry and said things I shouldn't have," Joel's voice cracked, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Called her a brat." He sounded haunted by those words, like he wished he could take them back even after all those years.
His hands covered his face as he let his emotions and his tears flow freely for what seemed like the first time in a long while. Without thinking, you reached out, holding his hands to offer comfort and support as Joel continued, “So, I told one of my tech guys to take her back to the hotel, needed to get focused for the show. Next thing I know, I'm halfway through my set and I get a call. Sarah's in the hospital, the car got smashed by some drunk driver. I bailed the second I heard, but when I got to the hospital, she was already gone. My little girl died alone, and she thought I hated her. The last words I said to her was how much of a brat she was." Seeing him crumble before your eyes was heartbreaking. Tears flowed down his face as he clutched his head in his hands. Instinctively, you reached for him, gripping him firmly, pulling him close to you. Your arms wrapped around him tightly, holding him to convey that he wasn't alone, at least not tonight. "Let it out," your voice was a gentle murmur, encouraging him to release the pain and the sadness that had been locked inside for so long. "You're safe, Joel. It's alright, I'm here.”
And he did let go. Sobs racked his body as his emotions poured out like rain from the storm-clouds outside. You held onto him, providing a safe place for him to pour his grief into. Time seemed to blur as you clung to each other, your touch offering kindness in the face of his pain. Your fingers traced soothing patterns on his back, your whispered words a soothing lullaby, as you tried to ease his sorrow, even if just for this fleeting moment.
After what seemed like an eternity, Joel's sobs began to fade into quiet sniffles, and then, gradually, into the gentle rhythm of sleep. His exhausted body had finally surrendered to the emotional storm he had weathered. You held him tightly, letting him fall asleep in your arms, so he could rest.
Your gaze shifted to the photograph on the table, Sarah's smiling face looking back at you. With a soft tone, you whispered to the sleeping man before you, your words a tender balm to the wounds of his heart. "I might not have known her," your voice barely more than a breath, "but I can see the love between you two. In her eyes, in that smile." Your voice carried a quiet conviction as if you were reassuring both him and her. Leaning in, you placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Rest now, Joel. You're not alone."
Unbeknownst to you, as sleep began to claim him, Joel was in that liminal space between wakefulness and sleep. Your words, like a soothing melody, reached him in his half-conscious state. His heart ached at your kindness, the unexpected solace you had brought him. His emotions swirled, a mix of sadness and gratitude, as your presence provided a momentary respite from the perpetual pain. For the first time since Sarah’s death, Joel fell asleep warm and comforted.
The harsh sound of rain pounding on the cabin's roof roused you from your uneasy sleep. Your neck and back protested, bearing the marks of an uncomfortable night spent on the small couch you had shared with Joel. You shifted, trying to find relief from the awkward position you had contorted yourself into. The darkness of the cabin wrapped around you, the only sound apart from the rain was the rhythm of your own breath.
You felt Joel’s absence from beside you, his warmth now gone. He had managed to slip away without disturbing your slumber, a feat that puzzled you considering his imposing presence. The darkness outside the windows hinted at the early hours, perhaps around 2 or 3 in the morning. You peered around the room, but the limited light prevented you from seeing much beyond vague shapes and shadows. The night seemed to have its own weight, as if time itself held its breath in the midst of the storm.
"Are y’awake?" Joel's voice cut through the darkness, startling you into a sudden yelp.
"Sorry, didn't mean to startle ya," his voice held an apologetic note as he stepped into view, a flashlight casting a soft, warm glow around the room. "Lost power sometime in the night, didn't wanna wake ya. Seemed like you needed the rest." He settled at the far end of the couch, a few inches from your feet.
"Joel…" your voice was hushed, a mixture of emotions swirling within you.
"It was ten years last night," he continued, his voice carrying the weight of years of grief. "Ten years ssince my babygirl died." His words hung in the air, heavy and poignant.
"I've always felt so alone," his voice trembled, "like there was no way out, like I was as good as gone. For so long, I've told myself that I should've been the one to go instead of her." His words struck a deep chord, and tears welled in your eyes.
"Still think I should've, it ain't right for kids to die before their folks" he whispered angrily, the pain evident in his voice. "But Sarah… she was like an angel, always takin’ care of me. And on the night when I'm considerin’ takin’ that shotgun and finally goin’ to see her… you show up." His gaze met yours, his expression confused. You saw pain, sadness, anger but there was tenderness and hope etched deep wihtin in his eyes. Joel ran a hand through his hair frantically.
"It's like my Sarah is still lookin’ out for me," he continued, "Like she knew what I was plannin’, and she sent me another angel to be with me."
A warmth spread within you, blooming deep inside of you at his words. With a slow motion, you pushed the covers aside, the cold air prickling your skin as you cautiously maneuvered over the short expanse of the couch until you were close to Joel. The room was dimly illuminated by the soft golden glow of the flashlight, casting shadows that danced around you both.
In the velvety cocoon of the hushed darkness, an unspoken desire bloomed between you. You moved with a subtle grace, straddling his wide hips, your gazes locking in the dim, intimate light. The air seemed to crackle with a newfound tension as you whispered his name, a gentle invitation laden with longing.
Joel's hands moved instinctively to your hips, his touch both gentle and possessive, grounding you in him. "Yes, my angel?" his voice held a soft edge of anticipation, a promise hanging in the air.
****You leaned in, your lips finding his in a dance that transcended words. The kiss was a slow, intoxicating melding of souls, a harmony of sensations and emotions that seemed to surge through every nerve in your bodies. Joel's lips were warm and inviting, their touch conveying a mix of urgency and tenderness that ignited a spark within you.
Your fingers cradled the back of his head, tangling in the strands of his hair as you deepened the kiss. A low, throaty moan escaped him as he yielded to the sensation, his response igniting a fire of desire within you. The taste of his lips, the press of his body against yours, it all felt like a perfect symphony of your two body.
As the kiss broke, Joel's whispered words mingled with the soft hum of the storm outside. "Are you sure?" he asked a thread of concern woven into his tone.
A smile touched your lips, a mix of assurance and desire. "Never been surer in my life, cowboy."
His smile in response was like a sunrise, warmth and light flooding the room. Rising from the couch, he held you in his strong arms, your laughter echoing as he started to ascend the stairs with you in his embrace. The world outside was forgotten, eclipsed by this moment. Eclipsed by Joel holding you close.
As you reached what you assumed was Joel's bedroom, a surge of anticipation and desire compelled you to draw him into another fervent kiss. The soft laughter that escaped him was a melody that danced against your lips, and you responded with a mixture of eagerness and playfulness.
Joel's touch was both electrifying and gentle, he swatted your bottom teasingly, his voice a breathless whisper against your lips, "Patience, angel."
His words sent shivers down your spine, mingling with the electric tension that enveloped you both. The room seemed to shrink around you as desire flared, intertwining your fates in a web of longing and need. With a mixture of restraint and yearning, you allowed the dance between you to continue, each moment a step closer to surrendering to the consuming passion that had ignited between you.
With a gentleness that belied his strength, Joel guided you onto the large bed. Your senses were alight, every detail heightened as if the world had shifted into sharper focus. The bedding beneath you cradled your form, its softness embracing you like a lover's touch. The air around you carried a faint chill, a stark contrast to the heat that seemed to radiate from the space between you and Joel.
But it was his gaze that held you captive, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that set your heart racing. In his gaze, you saw a constellation of emotions, desire mingling with a hint of vulnerability, each flicker a testament to the depth of connection you shared. Time seemed to slow, the storm outside merely a distant echo as you were immersed in this moment, this charged space where nothing else mattered except the unspoken language of longing that passed between you. The room felt small, a universe confined to the expanse of the bed where you lay,
And the dance began—a sensual rhythm that both of you instinctively understood. Joel's hands, firm and determined, reached for the fabric of your shirt, his fingers curling around the material before he tugged it away from your body. The garment was discarded to the side of the room, forgotten. A smirk graced his lips, his eyes alight with a mixture of desire and amusement.
"That was an old shirt from my '01 tour in California," he confessed playfully. "Seeing you wear something of mine stirs up all sorts of feelings, angel."
A breathless laugh escaped you, a mix of nerves and excitement intertwining in the sound. Joel's mouth descended with practiced skill, capturing your right nipple in a delicate play of sensations. His lips and tongue orchestrated a dance, alternating between gentle kisses and teasing tugs, coaxing your body to respond. Your nipple responded to his attentions, standing taut against the flicker of his tongue. His warm breath brushed against your skin, sending a shiver of anticipation coursing through you, a stark contrast to the cool air that surrounded you.
The torturous symphony of sensations migrated to your other nipple, the alternating rhythm of pleasure and tease sending shockwaves of need radiating from your core. Unable to contain your yearning, you whispered a plea, your voice a hushed prayer. "Please, Joel..."
His response was a gentle murmur, a tantalizing question. "Tell me what you want, angel."
A rush of arousal and aching need surged through you, and you implored him with a breathless urgency, your words carrying a plea for more. "More, please..."
Amusement danced in his eyes as he pushed you further, his own desire and anticipation evident in the way he held you, in the way he looked at you. "You're gonna have to be more precise than that, angel," he coaxed, his voice a seductive melody that echoed between you.
You suddenly grabbed Joel’s head and directed him towards your aching core, “Touch me here please Joel, I can't.”
“Whatever my angel desires.” And he bends his head down wrenching a scream of delight from your lips as he started lapping at your core with enthusiastic desire. You had never felt anything like this before, previous lovers have always been less than enthusiastic at performing this particular act, but it seemed like Joel reveled in making you squirm and he was trying his best to elicit as many breathless moans from you. And you were more than happy to oblige him. He started alternating between lapping at your clit teasingly and rubbing his fingers alongside your slit, all the while murmuring cooing words into your core “my beautiful angels, you are so good to me.”
With a surge of boldness, your hand darted out to grasp Joel's head, your fingers threading through his hair as you guided him to the source of your aching desire. A plea tumbled from your lips, raw and unrestrained, "Touch me here, please, Joel. I can't wait any longer."
A playful smirk danced across his lips, his eyes gleaming with the thrill of fulfilling your desires. "Whatever my angel desires," he responded, his voice a seductive promise. Bending his head with deliberate intent, he set forth on a way that was sure to send you in a primal surge of ecstasy.
A passionate cry of delight erupted from your lips as Joel's skilled tongue found its mark, dancing across your sensitive core with an enthusiasm that set your senses ablaze. This was an experience like no other, a stark departure from previous lovers where enthusiasm had been scarce. With Joel, it was different—he revelled in your pleasure, his fervent devotion evident in every movement.
His lips and tongue worked in tandem, alternating between tender lapping and teasingly rhythmic motions that sent electric jolts of pleasure coursing through you. His fingers joined in the sensual symphony, tracing delicate patterns alongside your slick folds, igniting fires of sensation wherever they ventured.
Amidst the heady sensations, Joel's voice reached your ears, a sweet and enticing serenade that whispered cooing words directly to your core. "My beautiful angel, you are so good to me," he murmured, his words like molten honey, dripping with adoration and lust.
Your moans and gasps crescendoed into a symphony of pleasure, each sounds a testament to the waves of ecstasy coursing through your body. As if guided by the melody of your desire, Joel responded with a calculated touch, slipping a finger inside you. A powerful scream of pleasure erupted from your lips, the sensation of his digit plunging deep within you electrifying your senses and igniting a fierce yearning.
"Oh my God, Joel, please!" Your words tumbled out in a jumble of incoherence, driven by an insatiable need that clouded your thoughts. The urgency in your voice spoke volumes, even if the words themselves were fragmented. You needed more, you craved more, but your mind was too consumed by the sensations to formulate coherent sentences.
Joel pressed on with his skilled ministrations. He gauged your need, asking, "You want more? You think you can take one more?" Your head bobbed in a fervent affirmation, your eyes filled with a mixture of longing and anticipation. Without hesitation, he introduced a second finger, and your body reacted with a surge of pleasure mixed with a hint of discomfort—a delicious sensation that heightened your desire.
Closing your eyes to savor the pleasure coursing through you, you felt Joel's fingers expertly moving within you. The sensation of them crossing and spreading you wide sent intoxicating shivers down your spine, a tantalizing preview of what was to come. His mouth remained devoted to your neglected clit, lavishing it with attentions that drove you wild.
"I've got to prepare you real good, angel," Joel breathed, his voice husky with need. "You've got to be spread wide to take all of me. I ain't like one of those DC boys you’re used to." His words, a potent mix of promise and possession, sent a thrill through you. "Yes, yes, yes, Joel," you pleaded, your voice aching with desire. "Spread me, make me ready for you."
A knowing smirk curved Joel's lips as he introduced a third finger, a hint of pain deliciously mingling with the intense pleasure, intensifying the sensations that rocked your body. "So good, angel," he moaned breathlessly. “Joel, I’m gonna…” “Yes, come for me, angel. Please come for me right now!" His encouragement was all it took, and you shattered into euphoria like never before. Explosions of white dusted your vision as you felt yourself gush around Joel’s fingers, which continued their relentless rhythm inside you. Your body tensed and then went limp, as if weightless.
When you opened your eyes again, Joel's gaze met yours. He was lapping at his fingers with an obscenely indulgent expression, making your body tingle with renewed desire. "You taste delicious, like the sweetest honey," he purred. A groan of need escaped your lips as you reached for him, your hands eager to explore. "Please, Joel."
"Do you want me, Angel? Do you want me to take care of you?" he asked, his voice a seductive blend of desire and tenderness. You nodded, and as Joel started to take off his shirt he suddenly stopped in his track “Fuck, I don’t have condoms.” He brought his hands to his face in a movement of frustration.
A soft smile graced your lips as you moved closer to him, your face now level with his taunt stomach. With gentle reverence, you pressed a soft kiss against his skin, just above his waistband.
"If you trust me, Joel," you began softly, “I got tested after I found out Bryan was cheating, and everything came back clear." Your words hung between the two of you as Joel realized what you were offering.
Joel's reaction was swift and intense. His hand gripped your jaw firmly, his eyes ablaze with a mixture of protectiveness and possessiveness. "Don’t say that piece of shit's name when you're in my bed, angel," he growled, his voice laced with a raw edge. The shiver that ran down your spine was both a thrill and a reminder of his complex emotions.
"Come here," Joel commanded his voice a blend of authority and strength. Eager to comply, you shifted closer to him, a fire of anticipation burning in your veins. Slowly, Joel started to guide you back down onto the bed, his hands moving with a purpose that matched the intensity of his desire.
"I want to look at your face when you come on my cock," he murmured, his words sending a shiver of longing down your spine. Anticipation pooled in the pit of your stomach as you locked eyes with him, feeling the weight of his gaze on you.
With deliberate movements, Joel began to undo his jeans, freeing his long and thick cock from its confines. The sight of him left you audibly gulping, a mixture of want and anticipation coursing through your veins. You couldn't help but wonder about the sensations, the weight, the pleasure that his size would bring.
"Can I put it in my mouth?" you asked, your eagerness apparent in your voice. Joel chuckled, his laughter a low and intimate sound that sent another wave of desire crashing over you. "Not tonight, angel," he responded, his tone both playful and commanding. "Tonight, I want to come in your pretty little pussy."
Joel's hands and lips explored your body with a relentless hunger, each touch igniting sparks of pleasure that coursed through your veins. Lost in the dance of passion, you found yourself swept away in a symphony of sensations, the symphony building to a crescendo of ecstasy that left you breathless and yearning for more.
In one swift, delicious motion, you felt Joel's firm length slip inside you. The sensation was both intense and electrifying, and you couldn't help but close your eyes and let out a loud moan of pleasure as he stretched you open in the most pleasurable way.
"Oh shit, angel, you're so damn tight," Joel groaned, his voice laced with desire and amazement at the sensation. You couldn't hold back your response, your own voice a mixture of bliss and disbelief. "Oh my god, Joel, that's because you're so fucking big!"
With deliberate slowness, Joel began to move his hips, creating a rhythm that was both torturously slow and exquisitely pleasurable. His gaze remained fixed on your face, his eyes locking onto yours with a passionate intensity that sent shivers down your spine. The intimacy of the moment, the raw connection between your bodies, fueled the flames of desire that burned between you.
"Please, Joel, you have to move faster, please, I'm begging you," you implored.
A smirk tugged at the corner of Joel's lips as he teased, "If I go faster, you're gonna make this old man come way too quick, angel."
"I don't care," you gasped, your need overpowering any sense of patience, "you have to move, please!"
"As you wish," Joel responded with a sly grin, and in the blink of an eye, the slow and deliberate rhythm transformed into a furious, unrelenting pace. His hips met yours fiercely, each movement driving you to the edge of your senses. Your heart raced, pounding in your chest like a wild drumbeat, and for this moment, nothing else mattered except the intense connection between you and Joel. The world outside faded away as you were consumed by the sensations of pleasure and desire, lost in the intoxicating dance of your bodies moving as one.
The tight coil of tension within you wound tighter and tighter with each fervent movement, aching to be released. The desperate need for release surged through your veins until you couldn't hold it any longer.
"OH MY GOD, JOEL, I'M GONNA COME AGAIN!" you cried out, your voice a mixture of ecstasy and urgency.
"Fuck, me too, angel, I'm gonna cum," Joel groaned, his voice heavy with need. "Please, you have to come with me, please, Angel!"
"Oohh my goddd, I'm cum..." Your sentence was left unfinished as the intense wave of pleasure crashed over you, shattering the tight coil and setting your senses on fire. Simultaneously, Joel's hips stuttered against yours, and you felt the warmth of his release inside you.
"Fuckkk," Joel whispered against your throat, his breath hot and ragged, as both of you rode out the waves of bliss, your sweaty bodies entwined and sated.
"That was..." you began, your voice trailing off as you searched for words to capture the intensity of what you had just shared.
"It sure was," Joel finished, his voice carrying a mixture of satisfaction and amusement. ****
You let out a hearty laugh, the tension of the moment dissolving into light giggles, as Joel momentarily left the room. While you lay there, still basking in the aftermath of your pleasure, he returned with a warm towel and a glass of water. He handed you the glass, and then, with gentle care, he began to clean you up. Your body was still sensitive from the climax, and you instinctively squirmed under his touch, but Joel held you in place.
"None of that, angel," he chided softly, his eyes warm and reassuring. "Gotta make sure you're all cleaned up. Lemme take care of ya."
His words and the softness of his touch melted away any remaining tension, and you found yourself yielding to his gentle care. You let go, allowing him to attend to you in this tender and intimate way. Once he was finished, he guided you back onto the bed and gathered you into his broad arms. A smile played on his lips as he pressed a gentle kiss against the nape of your neck. You closed your eyes, feeling a sense of serenity wash over you.
"Sleep now, my angel," he whispered, his voice a soothing murmur in your ear. "We'll talk in the morning."
With his strong arms wrapped around you, you nestled into his embrace, finding comfort and warmth in his presence. Your eyes closed naturally, the weight of the day's events and the embrace of his body lulling you into a peaceful slumber.
The morning greeted you with the cheerful chirping of birds, their song gently coaxing you awake. Blinking your eyes open, you realized Joel's form wasn't beside you in the bed. You reached for his discarded shirt on the floor, wrapping it around yourself before quietly slipping out of the room. As you stood before the bathroom mirror, your reflection showed the aftermath of a passionate night: tousled hair, eyes still bearing traces of desire, and lips that bore the marks of fervent kisses. A satisfied smile tugged at your lips as you grabbed the toothpaste, relishing the refreshing feeling as you brushed your teeth.
After tidying up a bit, you descended the stairs, your senses greeted by the delicious scent of cooking. Following the aroma, you entered the cozy kitchen where a rustic-looking pan held sizzling bacon and eggs. The scene was comforting, but there was no sign of Joel. As you scanned the room, the soft strains of a melody drifted in from outside, drawing your attention.
Curious, you made your way toward the source of the music, stepping outside to find Joel sitting on the porch swing. He held the acoustic guitar you had spied last night on the wall, his fingers moving deftly across the strings to produce a gentle tune that seemed to blend harmoniously with the morning breeze. You leaned against the railing beside him, listening intently to the music.
Joel paused his melody and turned his gaze toward you, his lips curling into a soft smile. "That was beautiful," you offered gently, "What were you playing?"
Joel's smile widened as he motioned for you to join him. "You inspired me last night," he confessed. "I had these melodies in my head, and I just had to play them." Your lips curved into a smile as you leaned in for a kiss. "That's unexpectedly romantic," you teased, causing Joel to chuckle. "Romantic, huh? Never been accused of that before," he playfully responded. "Are you hungry?" he asked. "Starving," you replied, a rumble of hunger confirming your words.
Joel's laughter filled the air as he gently set the guitar aside and guided you back indoors. He motioned for you to take a seat at the spacious wooden table, his warm smile inviting. He playfully swatted your hands away as you attempted to help, his touch grounding and reassuring. "Let me serve you, angel," Joel whispered softly as he settled you into a chair.
As Joel expertly portioned out the eggs onto your plate, you admired the beautiful table before you. "This table is stunning," you remarked, inspecting the grain of the hard oaken wood "I've always dreamed of having a big wooden table. Somewhere to have all my family and friends and have big dinners." Joel's smile held a touch of nostalgia. "Yeah, me too. That's why I built it."
"Wait, you built this?" you exclaimed, surprised. "Is there anything you can't do?" His laughter was infectious, and he shook his head playfully. “Just eat ya eggs." You smile happily in response before digging in.
A comfortable silence settled between the two of you as you happily munched on your meal. "This is really good, thank you, Joel," you said with genuine gratitude. Joel's smile was warm, yet his gaze seemed to drift elsewhere, lost in thought. You observed him from the corner of your eye, curious about what was going on in his mind.
After a moment, Joel pushed his half-eaten plate of eggs aside and made his way over to you. Without a word, he grasped the back of your chair and turned it toward him, causing you to let out a surprised "Joel!" as you were suddenly lifted from the chair. He settled down, pulling you onto his lap, holding you close.
You chuckled softly, noting, "Breakfast's gonna get cold..." But Joel's response was immediate, his voice a whisper against your collarbone, "I don't care. Need to be close to ya, angel." You felt yourself melting into his embrace, content and cherished.
You closed your eyes, savoring the sensation of being enveloped by Joel's arms. Inhaling his masculine scent deeply, you wanted to imprint it in your memory, wanting to hold onto every detail of this moment. You never wanted to forget the way he made you feel. As Joel's hand gently traced patterns on your back, his lips pressed soft, feathery kisses along your neck, causing a contented sigh to escape your lips.
In that instant, you realized that in just one day, Joel had managed to make you feel safer and happier than your four-year relationship with Bryan ever did. "Joel," you timidly began, your voice a fragile thread. "Hmmm, what is it, angel?" Joel's response was gentle, encouraging you to continue. "About what you told me last night… About Sarah…" His sigh against your neck was heavy, and you gathered your courage for what you wanted to say next. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what happened to her. It wasn't fair."
"Angel…" You guided Joel's face up from its hiding place in your bosom, holding it between your hands to meet his eyes. "Sarah loved you, Joel. And she knew you loved her. She wouldn't want to see her father suffer alone like this."
Joel's eyes bore into yours, a mix of frustration and protectiveness. "Angel, please stop." But you couldn't hold back; not after last night, not after seeing him this morning with the guitar, not after he pried open and emptied the chest of feelings that you had buried deep in your heart. "Joel, I don't want to argue. I know we've only just met, but I can see the kind of person you are. And I might not know a lot about you, but I know that you don't deserve to keep punishing yourself. You deserve to be happy."
Your fingers brushed against his face tenderly as your eyes glistened with tears, your plea carrying all the sincerity you could muster. However, Joel only gently lifted you from his lap and set you down on the chair. He turned to walk away from the kitchen, but before leaving the doorway, he paused. "Finish your eggs, and when you're done, it might be best if you leave." His words were heavy and definitive.
The atmosphere grew icy as your eyes welled up with tears. "Better for you, you mean," you muttered bitterly, pushing the plate of eggs aside and standing up. "I'll get out of your way right now, Joel. I'm sorry for overstaying my welcome." Without waiting for a response, you swiftly moved past him, your heart aching as the tears streamed down your face, not wanting him to see how vulnerable you felt. How much his words had hurt you deep within your bones. Not even your ex-boyfriend cheating had hurt as much as Joel’s words.
Hastily, you ascended the stairs, feeling a mixture of confusion, hurt, and urgency. Joel's shirt clung to your skin as you moved, a reminder of the passionate night you had shared. With hurried hands, you peeled the shirt off, folding it and placing it on the bed with a mix of sadness and longing. Slipping into your clothes, you realised how they were dry and carried a faint, comforting clean scent. It dawned on you that Joel must have taken the time to wash and dry them while you were still asleep. The small act of care spoke volumes, tugging at your heartstrings even harder as your emotions threatened to overwhelm you.
A soft sob escaped your lips as you quickly pulled on your leggings and t-shirt. The pain within you intensified, a heavy weight on your chest that made it hard to breathe. Your fingers trembled as you fumbled to button up your shirt, your mind racing with a mix of regret and confusion. Every touch, every moment, seemed to replay in your mind like a whirlwind of emotions that you couldn't make sense of. Your breath came in ragged gasps, and the room felt stifling as you imagined Joel's hands, his lips, all over you.
Each second that passed felt like an eternity, the need to escape growing more urgent by the second. You couldn't bear the idea of staying in this place any longer, not when your heart and mind were in such turmoil. Your head spun as you gathered your belongings, your thoughts a jumble of conflicting feelings. With shaky hands, you grabbed your bag and moved toward the bedroom door, your heart racing and your vision blurred by unshed tears. It was as if the walls themselves were closing in on you, suffocating you with memories and emotions that you couldn't yet fully process.
You quickly made your way down the stairs and you quickly reached the entrance of the cabin, your hand gripped the doorknob, the exit just a twist away. But then, like a lifeline thrown to your drowning form, Joel's voice cut through the tension-laden air. "Wait," he implored. For a moment, you could have pulled the door open and walked away, sparing yourself the pain that seemed inevitable. But something in his voice, something in the way he had said it, made you hesitate, your fingers tensing on the handle.
"Please wait," Joel's voice, gentle and soft, reached your ears, halting your movement. His words were like a fragile confession, tinged with regret and vulnerability. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's just... it still hurts so much, and I can’t do anything about it. I don't even know if I wanna do anythin' 'bout it! If I stop hurtin, it ain't fair to her, it's like 'm forgettin' her. My babygirl. I can't... I can't be the man you need me to be. You're young, and you'll find something much better than a washed-up singer, a father that’s always gonna be haunted by the ghost of his daughter. I'm carrying too much baggage, And I ain’t worth the pain I know I’ll cause ya angel.” Frozen in place, you listened to his words, his admission of hurt and fear, his belief in his own unworthiness all washed over you, leaving you empty and oh so sad for the man in front of you.
With your back still turned toward him, your grip on the doorknob loosened. You could feel your heart aching for him. You closed your eyes, attempting to blink away the tears that threatened to fall, your breathing ragged and unsteady.
You took a steadying breath, turning slightly toward him, though you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze. In a voice that was stronger than you felt, you spoke your truth "Joel, it's not about what baggage you have or don’t have. It's everything that’s happened since yesterday, how we make each other feel. And last night... it meant something to me. I don't need you to be something you're not. I just want you to be who you are, because that person is worth something to me."
You swallowed hard, your throat tight with emotion. "I can't pretend to understand everything you've been through, Joel. But I can see the person you are, the one who's been through pain but is still standing here. You deserve happiness too, Joel. You're not defined by your past, and you're not just a has-been singer or whatever it is you impose on yourself. You're Joel, and you're worth more than you realize."
A tear escaped your closed eyes, tracing a path down your cheek. With a determined step forward, you pulled the door open, your voice steady despite the vulnerability you felt. "Take care of yourself, Joel," you whispered. With that, you stepped out onto the threshold, the cool breeze against your skin offering a stark contrast to the warmth of the cabin. The door clicked shut behind you, a gentle sound that marked the end of a moment that had touched your heart so deeply. And as you walked away, you didn't look back, hoping that Joel's own journey would guide him to a place of healing and acceptance.
Three months had drifted by since the night when Joel's presence swept into your life, like a gentle breeze altering the course of a quiet stream. The echo of his words still lingered in your mind, painting the canvas of your memories with vivid strokes of vulnerability and tenderness. As you slid into the cocoon of your car that night, the world outside felt different, as if reality itself had taken on a new hue.
Driving away from the cabin nestled in the heart of the woods, you found your plans melting away, leaving behind a blank slate that you were now eager to fill with Joel's presence. But you knew he had his own journey to embark upon – a journey toward reconciliation with his past, a voyage of healing that no one else could undertake for him. You couldn't help but hope, perhaps even naively, that the currents of life would someday guide him back to you. It was an uncertain prospect, but then again, your whole life had become a cascade of the unexpected.
After first leaving behind the familiar landscape of DC, and wandering the country for some time, you found yourself meandering down unfamiliar roads that led you to the vibrant city of Austin. Amid the soulful melodies and friendly faces, you decided to step into a music store, compelled by the yearning to connect with Joel on some level, even if he wasn’t physically there with you.
Inside, the air was stuffy as if the shop had been forgotten by the residents of Austin. Rows of albums beckoned to you, as you look around for the country section. Descriptions were exchanged with a middle-aged cashier, who turned out to be a rather passionate fan of Joel and who guided you to the shelves where most of Joel Miller's discography was. For you, it was like hearing the life of the man you think you might very well love. As you left the store, the weight of those albums in your arms was more than just a collection; it was a tangible piece of the bond you shared with a stranger who had become so much more.
With Joel's music filling the airwaves of your trusty Honda Civic, you embarked on the next leg of your journey, leaving Austin behind and setting your sights on the vibrant landscape of Los Angeles. The roads stretched out before you, winding through varied terrains like the unwritten chapters of a story waiting to unfold. Each curve and bend felt like a step toward a new beginning, guided by the soulful tunes that had become the backdrop of your life.
As you navigated LA's bustling streets, you couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and anticipation. The sprawling landscapes seemed to mirror the vast possibilities that awaited you in this city of dreams. The skyline glittered with promise, like a tapestry woven from the aspirations of countless dreamers who had walked these streets before you. With each passing mile, you allowed yourself to be swept away by the energy of the city, ready to embrace whatever adventures lay ahead.
Amidst the hustle and bustle, you found your place in a small yet energetic communication company. It was a far cry from the monotonous work you had left behind in DC. Here, you were tasked with crafting communication campaigns for non-profit organizations across California. The challenges were real and the work was hard, but the rewards were immeasurable. Your days were now filled with purpose and creativity, and you felt a genuine connection to the causes you were championing. It was as if you had finally found the missing piece that had been absent from your previous life. Like you had found your drive back.
2 months into the job, your coworker Amanda's loud shrilly voice pulled your attention away from your work, her words cutting through the office buzz. "Hey, you're the one who's into Country music, right?" She grinned, her eyes twinkling with curiosity. You chuckled softly, not exactly an expert on the genre but you supposed you did listen to more Country then you used to these days.
"Yep, that's me," you replied, offering a small nod.
Amanda leaned in a little closer, her voice lowered as if sharing a secret, "I've noticed you play Joel Miller's older albums. Is he your favourite or something?"
You smiled softly, realizing your tradition hadn't gone unnoticed. "Yeah, I have a soft spot for his music," you admitted with a shrug.
Her grin turned into a mischievous smile, "Well, guess what? He just dropped a new song. Have you heard?"
Your heart skipped a beat. "A new song?!" you echoed, genuine surprise lacing your words, heartbeat treatening to send you into a heart attack.
Amanda pulled out her phone, her fingers dancing across the screen before she handed it to you. The screen was illuminated by what you deciphered as some tweets and posts, all buzzing with excitement about Joel's latest EP release. Your eyes widened as you scrolled through the tweets, feeling a mixture of excitement washed over you.
With a grin, you glance at Amanda, appreciating her tip, before returning to your workstation. Settling in, you tried your best to steady your breath as you open the article on TMZ and locate the link that directs you to Joel Miller's freshly released track on his SoundCloud. Your cursor hovers over the link, anticipation rising making you feel buzzed. Clicking the link, you're instantly engulfed in a cascade of harmonies. The initial notes carried on the wings of a soft guitar, weave a delicate tapestry of sound that threads its way through your senses. It's like stepping into a forgotten memory, the strums of the guitar bringing you back inside the cabin and into Joel’s arms.
And then, Joel's voice joins the strumming of the guitar. A tender baritone, it carries the weight of longing and sadness, each note reverberating with the depth of his life. The rawness of it tugs at your heartstrings, and you can’t help the tears forming in your eyes. With each note, it's as though Joel is speaking directly to you, his presence palpable despite the distance. You close your eyes, allowing the music to sweep you away, the gentle strumming and resonant vocals painting a vivid scene in your mind;
I can’t stop thinking about you
I can't escape your memory's grasp,
My angel, you're etched within my soul so fast.
I yearn to become the man you envision,
Unveiling depths within, a heartfelt mission.
For you, for you alone,
This version of me, yet to be known.
As the soothing timbre of Joel's voice envelops you, he navigates the tapestry of emotions with his lyrics. His soft voice carries the weight of promises and aspirations, mingling with the bittersweet tinge of guilt and the fervent pull of desire. It's a symphony of feelings entwined in each note, a raw portrayal of the battles raging within him. He sings of uncertainty, a man grappling with the enigma of his own identity. Yet, amidst the chaos, there's a constant, an unwavering North Star – the presence of his angel. The lyrics paint a portrait of yearning and unspoken desires, his admission that even amid the turmoil, your memory is an anchor he can't escape. His voice, like a gentle hand, guides you through the labyrinth of his feelings, allowing you to glimpse the depths of his soul. And as the final note fades, it's as if his heart has been laid bare, an intimate portrait of a man searching for solace and finding it in the memory of his angel – you.
Tears gather in your eyes as the song reaches its poignant conclusion. Joel's heartfelt words resonate with the depths of your emotions, and the floodgates of your own feelings burst open. Each note, each lyric, is a testament to his pain, his struggles, and the love that has bloomed during the short encounter you had.
As the music fades, your tears flow freely, a river for the man who has touched your heart so profoundly. You could feel your coworkers casting puzzled glances your way, but in this moment, their opinions mean nothing. You wept for the unfairness of his life, you wept for the loss of his little Sarah, and you wept for the years he's spent punishing himself. You weep because you love Joel Miller. Your heart aches for the man who entered your life on that stormy night and left a mark deep within your soul. Etching his name into the very essence of your being.
Your mom had always said, "The future holds its secrets close" and now you couldn't help but agree. A year ago, you would have never imagined that you would find yourself in LA, away from old friends and family. Yet you couldn't remember a time when you had been more content. Except maybe when you had been in Joel's arms in the warmth of his cabin. But now, as you restart the song Joel had written and as you lose yourself in the warm timber of his voice, you feel happy. Joel's baritone promising that he would love his angel as best as the damaged man he was could love. As you let yourself be carried by the softness of his voice, you know that whatever happens, you'll never part ways with Joel again. You know that wherever he is, he will find you, and you’ll be able to take him in your arms and hold him close to you.
You smile; after all, Joel had just delcared his love for you to the world, his declaration intended for all to hear. And as Joel's voice serenaded you with vows of love and protection, soothing you to your core, you made a promise of your own to Sarah. You promised her that you would care for her father, that you'd stand by him and that you would love him until their eventual reunion, following what you hope would be a beautiful life richly lived.
#pedrostories1k#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro boys#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal fandom#joel miller x you#joel tlou#joel x reader#joel the last of us#joel miller x reader#joel miller#the last of us smut#the last of us fanfiction#the last of us#smut#angst#tw death#tw mention of death#mentioned of attempted suicide#hurt/comfort#no protection#tlou series#tlou smut#tlou fanfiction#tw sex mention#tw self destructive behavior#tw self sabotage#tw selfhate#tw age gap#tw age difference
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Heartbreak High S2 Thoughts
Before we knew Rowan was Bird Psycho (hilarious name by the way), I was all for AmeriexRowanxMalachi. The only correct ending to a love triangle (if he wasn’t BP of course)
Ca$h and Darren. I love these two so much. Their storyline was really good this season and I was so scared they weren’t going to make for a minute there. Them both thinking that they’re the “problem” and trying to change themselves to be together caused me physical pain. And his conversation with Nan (an icon)??? They’re just pulling at the heart strings at this point
Harper and Ant. This is actually a super cute pairing. I can see them being really good for each other (whether it turns romantic or nots I like them both ways). I was also really proud of Harper this season, she’s going through so much and she didn’t let people shit on her bc of it (looking at you Sasha)
Speaking of Sasha, why??? Just why???
Quinni is literally everything to me. I love that she spoke up for herself. Her and Darren always seem so in sync, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t issues. And I’m glad they realized that/are working on making it through them. Them + Amerie remind me of my own friend trio and it means so much to me
Amerie and Malachi. Jesus Christ these two are like a roller coaster. I think they’re cute and since they love each other I hope they work it out but damn. Can they just be happy for 5 seconds???? Him being there for her during her abortion was a 10/10.
Amerie. I love this girl so much. And she went through some shit this season. That abortion scene had me feeling so many things. I feel like we throw the word/action around sometimes like it doesn’t have any weight (on the social media at least), but it does and whether you want the child or not it can still be a tough experience. I’m glad she had Harper and Malachi to help her through it
Harper and Amerie. I really love their dynamic. Almost as much as I love the trio.
Missy and Spider. Its cute. His mom sucks and Voss getting his claws into Spider (and the other boys) also sucked
Ant. My one note for him is to stop following Spider💀 other than that never change sir🤣
I hope we see more Zoe in S3!!
Omg I almost forgot Malachi. I love his relationship with Missy. Seeing him struggle with being bi also had me feeling all the feels. I just wanted to scream “YOU LIKE TACOS AND HOT DOGS ITS OKAYYYYY” (running with the hot dog and no bun was wild sir🤣). But when he accepted it and immediately went public with Rowan??? I loved them so much (again pre bird psycho reveal). His back and forth about Switzerland lowkey annoyed me tbh bc making such a huge decision based off of a girl is crazy. But I had to keep reminding myself dealing with strong emotions in high school can sometimes feel like the end of the world so I give grace😂
My biggest qualm was probably them dropping some things that were unresolved in S1 *cough* Spider loving Amerie or Malachi being assaulted *cough* but hey, all in all it was a great season and if we don’t get a third Netflix will be getting my therapy bill
#heartbreak high reboot#heartbreak high netflix#heartbreak high#amerie wadia#quinni is everything#amerie is also everything though#she’s literally such a mess but also not and I love that for her#all of these characters feel real and authentic and not just the identities they check off and I love that so much#Netflix where is season 3#name a better trio#you can’t#Ca$h and Harper are welcomed additions to#this is how you show lgbtq characters#except Sasha bc she sucks#petition for Sasha to become a better person in s3#hot dogs or tacos#the correct answer is both
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The more I think about it, the more I realize how much there is to question about the genloss finale
Here's my theory
So someone tagged this on a post I made about Ranboo bowing at the end (this post)
and it made me think—"well hang on, supposedly Ranboo had broken free of Showfall Media’s control?" Except he didn’t! Because Hetch (hedge??? Hatchet?? I’m sorry I didn’t catch the name) wasn’t actually a good guy!
Or on the other hand, maybe he was at first, but then Showfall put him under their control, but I highly doubt that one, given his presence in the mall and all his cryptic nonsense. He was super sketch from the beginning, I don’t even need to explain how, y'all know.
So then that begs the question: what’s going on with Ranboo? The mask is still on, the wires and the Showfall media bit in the back are still connected (and Hetch convinced them not to take it off and admitted he had some sort of control over it) but they more or less seem to be acting of free will? But at the same time, there were those moments that didn’t quite make sense; primarily, as I mentioned in the post before, Ranboo bowing at the end, but also when his whole demeanor shifted and he stabbed the guy. Finally, even after spending the entire episode angsting about his friends dying and not being able to save them, he simply stood and watched Charlie get mauled by the security beast—not even reacting.
I suspect that since Showfall has no qualms about killing people in the first place, the entire premise of the gore filter and Ranboo discovering the truth was planned, the entire thing is an entertainment show (like irl). I think for the sake of it, they turned off his mask, or it did get damaged when The Puzzler shocked him, so plenty of the third episode is his own actions, but I think Showfall is still in control. I’m honestly not sure if Ranboo listening to the viewers or putting in his own code to the computer was part of that script, but I doubt it would have mattered.
Here’s the specifics:
I think Showfall Media is having trouble controlling their people. I won't speculate whether Showfall is aliens, demons or whatever, but we know that it's not human and specifically that it's still having trouble imitating human life. (Dear gods, isn't that creepy? I funcking love it).
As we've seen, the Filter is breaking more and more throughout the episodes. In the very beginning, Ranboo wakes up in the cabin and the mask isn't on. They don't know where they are, they're distressed, and they try to take the mask off. It isn't until the jar breaks and Ranboo is investigating the ashes that it turns on. I've been incredibly puzzled with why Showfall would turn the mask on then and why Ranboo would have such an upset reaction to it, but after seeing the finale, I think that Showfall was afraid Ranboo would remember something and realize what was going on too soon. Since they can supposedly reanimate people, "rewire, rescript" them and we saw with the tapes at the end (and I think Ranboo said) that there are prequels to the Social Experiments, I bet the ashes belong to someone who died in the episode right before. Then, when the mask turned on, Ranboo remembered the feeling of them getting in his head and panicked. Unfortunately, it was too late.
Right after that, they became the perfect scripted character. The next part that I want to mention, I thought was strange even before the second or third episode came out. It's when Charlie says "Uh oh! I think our contestant is running out of slime! I mean slime- I mean slime-". It reminded me of a skipping record and you can see his smile falling and getting slightly more distressed the more he says it. Because this is where Charlie is supposedly talking to the cameras, I think that lead him to start to remember/realize the truth, but the Filter kept him from saying it, and since this is the very beginning of a new show, the characters have just been "rewired" so their brains are as under Showfall's control as they can be. After that episode, there were no more shots of anyone talking to the cameras.
In the transition to the next episode and when Ranboo wakes up in the chair, the mask is still glowing. It flickers a little bit, but ultimately stays on, and being freaked out when you wake up tied to a chair in a warehouse is a completely normal reaction. I think it was when the Puzzler shocked him though, that the mask started to actually glitch and break. Specifically, the Puzzler insisted on zapping Ranboo anyway, with enough power to knock them out for a minute, and we saw the mask light flash and turn off, and Ranboo said his brain felt a little fried and foggy. Afterward, Puzzler insisted that he didn't mean to do that much, honest.
The Puzzler was a human, just like everyone else in the cast. Whenever he had his mask, however, he was holding it up and away from his face, which I thought was strange, why do that? Of course, the Puzzler is just a strange guy, but he was surprisingly helpful along the way; his puzzles didn't have any real consequences that people didn't almost directly walk into and he even let Sneeg go when he said he needed go to the bathroom. That could of course be chalked up to comedy, or Showfall not understanding humans, but Showfall is smarter than to let them go simply because someone said to. (I won't get into all the little things the Puzzler did and said, or all the glitches/inconsistencies, this will be long enough as is, but oooh there's so much to dissect). I think the Puzzler was Aware and trying to help Ranboo, while staying under cover so he wouldn't get found out. At the end, he even says "I've been doing this for over thirty years, this group is by far the most unbelievable--you fucked up the whole thing!" Because he's aware and he made it so easy for them!
Before you come at me saying "oh but Angel, everyone DIED" LISTEN--the Puzzler gave them very obvious and plain notes saying "DON'T PRESS THIS BUTTON" and "NOT HERE" with arrows pointing to the right stuff. Sure he was supposed to be the Puzzler, so it would be reasonable to assume they were tricks, but everything he'd shown up until that point was just as much of a flop as if they were legit (which they were). Meanwhile, Squiggles is in the corner saying "ooh a button you should press it" and other such stuff. As for Nikki, yeah that one sucked. As the Puzzler said though, he wasn't expecting her to come in there and said he felt bad. After seeing what happened to Sneeg, I bet he was afraid the Showfall goons were coming for him and got spooked and shot too soon. Why would he have been hiding anyway? Furthermore, he released everyone on the carousel sooner or later even though they were supposed to die.
When the Puzzler blows up at the end, he didn't get revived. Showfall revived Charlie at least three times, Sneeg like- twice, and if they can do that so easily, then it's no wonder that they're so chill about killing off their characters. So why didn't the Puzzler come back? When Ranboo and Charlie found his little memorial thing, they were sorry for him, they didn't view him as a Showfall puppet even though he was one of the game masters. More importantly though, is that on Puzzler's memorial is a giant sign that said "TERMINATED". Terminated is intentional, Showfall Media killed the Puzzler, because they realized he wasn't under their control.
I think they also killed Sneeg permanently too. He was more aware than anyone else right before he ran, I think, which is why he ran and struggled so much. He also kept coming back to awareness multiple times, such as when the Puzzler put the hat on his head, backward and covered in gore. Running away during a livestream forced Showfall to restrain and mask him again on screen, so they couldn't have that happening again, then Sneeg interfered with the final puzzle. He seemed very mind controlled through the whole rest of the episode, but someone pointed out that in the final part with the wall, Sneeg held Austin back, not because Showfall wanted them to succeed, but because if Austin kept pushing and panicking, they would all get crushed. It also makes sense that if he knew he'd been through this all several times, then he knew he'd be reset when he died.
We're almost at the end, I promise. If you've stuck around this long, great job, I hope it wasn't too chaotic. Anyway, all of this to say that
Showfall is still figuring out how to control humans. In fact, I think their control is flimsy and relies on the Filter to work. Hetch said that Ranboo passed a test or something, so it wasn't all scripted and planned, plus people keep breaking out of the control. On the other hand, the masked "employees" (robots?? they're filled with wires) are completely controlled and only imitating people.
The way they control people is most effective with masks, but if you break the illusion that everything is fine, they'll wake up. That's why the Filter is so important and it's a problem when it glitches. That's also why all the streamers had their little setups in the mall that looked like their actual offices/rooms and why Charlie, unlike Puzzler, didn't have a mask, but supposedly his set was the cabin where he grew up.
Showfall needs the mask to control Ranboo (and it was broken in the last scenes (how did that happen?? can it still work??)) but he was still under their control for the entirety of episode 3. They may have killed him, but he'd not dead. Side theory— using the mask versus not having a mask for everyone else, while obviously a way to keep Ranboo’s identity a secret, it might canonically end up attached to his face. What if he’s already becoming one of the robopeople?? We saw their skin underneath, but there are all these wire and the control thing attached to the base of his skull and it’s controlling his brain. What if he becomes a monster or on the flip side, terribly injured when he ever takes it off
Ok so what's the deal with Hetch?
Even when he's "helping" Ranboo, he always tried to convince them to just keep going, don't resist, and trust him. Even when Showfall's control is supposedly glitching, Squiggles is on screen, which I found strange, and Hetch's help is never helpful. Hetch says at the end of the Spirit of the Cabin that Ranboo "made it to episode two", implying that he's well aware of what Showfall is putting on (which isn't the same way he presented in the finale), then even saying "I hope you're good at puzzles".
This, combined with Hetch's lackluster attempts to "help" Ranboo in the finale and him convincing them to keep the mask on and not leave, then faking his death, all strongly support the idea that Hetch is a Showfall Media "employee" (The Founder???) who is trying to manipulate Ranboo whenever the mask starts failing and they start waking up. Then of course, the end of the finale proves Hetch was evil all along.
Everything we've seen so far is a big experiment for Showfall Media, but what is it all for? Are they gonna take over the world??? Guess we'll just have to find out.
#Ranboolive#generation loss#genloss theory#genloss spoilers#generation loss finale#generation loss ep1#generation loss episode 2#Showfall media#Angel rambles#sneegsnag#charlie slimecicle
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no choice but to love you pt. 14 (LONG)
FIRST | SECOND | THIRD | FOURTH | FIFTH | SIXTH | SEVENTH | EIGHTH | NINTH | TENTH | ELEVENTH | TWELFTH | THIRTEENTH
AO3 Link (a little behind, but better edited)
Their waitress swooped in and saved them from their heavy conversation. True to her word, Janet ordered chicken tenders for Tim and Bruce ordered Jason’s cheeseburger. He made sure to stipulate honey mustard to the waitress for Tim and nobly ignored Janet’s little laugh when he ordered himself a salad.
“You don’t have to impress me,” Janet teased as the waitress hurried off to put in their order. “You’re making me look bad as a woman.”
Because thoughtlessly speaking was an epidemic in his family, Bruce found himself saying, “You know, I’ve been told that I would look very attractive if I were a woman.”
That surprised a laugh out of her and prompted him to double down.
“I’m serious,” he said. “Talia said with my jawline I could pull off a very impressive resting bitch face.”
“I hate to say it, but she’s right,” she laughed, but it was forced now. Intentionally casual, she asked, “Is Talia… taking this alright?”
“She’s mocking me relentlessly,” he admitted. “But she knows the whole thing was… a happy accident. She knows that there’s no way I could ever regret that night knowing what came from it.”
“Almost nothing,” she said and took a long sip of water, eyes finding Tim where he was leaning against Jason and jabbering at him. They really did look like brothers. “With the implant, it was really… really touch and go. I was considered a high risk pregnancy pretty much from day one.”
Bruce didn’t tell her that he already knew all that from his illicit deep dive into her medical files. Instead, he quietly said, “But he made it. You gave birth to a wonderful boy.”
“I don’t regret him. Sometimes I think my life would have been easier if I hadn’t…” She trailed off and turned towards the window instead. Bruce politely pretended that he didn’t see her face screw up in a flash of misery. “I must seem like a monster.”
“Your feelings or thoughts in your darkest moments don’t define you, Janet. Tim is a happy and healthy child and you’re working to make sure he has stability even when your life is destabilizing,” Bruce reminded her. “I know it’s hurting you to be cast as, er. As my baby’s, um, mama.”
Janet snorted, feeling a little unhinged.
“But you’re putting aside your own feelings and risking the tabloid’s wrath so he can know me and my side of the family. I wish you’d told me when you first realized he was mine, but I understand why you didn’t. I can only thank you for letting me know him now and I promise we’ll get through this.”
“I’ve been living in fear of the paparazzi,” she confessed. “I know I never wanted to baby trap you and I hope you do too, but who else would believe it when the gold-digging whore is such a prevalent trope? They’re going to be ruthless.”
“My lawyers and PR people are at your disposal,” he promised.
“My hero,” she said wryly and her deadpan humor got Bruce smiling bashfully, hiding his little grin behind a glass of water. While he had no desire to further complicate Janet’s life, it was easy to remember what drew him to Janet all those years ago. Her competence and staunch refusal to act impressed by the Bruce Wayne was refreshing, as was her frankly superior ability to hold her liquor.
She continued, unaware of Bruce’s woolgathering. “Honestly, I just wish the other shoe would hurry and drop. I’ve been checking the news and all the popular gossip sites just about every other minute expecting to see Tim’s face.”
No. Absolutely not.
“I would sue the shit out of them. I’ve made it abundantly clear to any news outlet in Gotham that they are more than welcome to pester me or Talia or, hell, Alfred, but if any of them come after my kids I’ll own them.”
That startled a laugh out of her. “You can’t sue the entire internet.”
“I can sue enough of them to scare the rest into compliance and I have the personal number of every social media mogul on the scene.”
“And who said money wasn’t a superpower,” she joked. Then mimed a finger gun with a hangdog smile. “Or you could take the Lex Luthor route. Remember the personal trainer?”
“I have standards. And besides, all of that is alleged.”
“Oh, sure. You could allegedly bump off all the people you don’t like,” she said with a nod. If she weren’t so clearly joking, Bruce would almost be worried about her joining his rogues should all of this go south. “Although I guess he doesn’t allegedly disappear all of his critics. That journalist Lane is still out there on the front lines writing exposes.”
“Oh, are you a fan?”
“I could feed you a line about being really passionate about journalistic integrity, but honestly I’m just a big fan of hot women being very mean to ultra rich assholes,” she explained.
“You know, I’ve gone out with her a time or two. She’s a lovely woman.” At Janet’s vaguely impressed look, he laughed. “Unsurprisingly, she found me intolerable.”
“Oh no,” Janet commiserated, patting his hand sympathetically. “I guess you’ll just have to settle for the ultra beautiful Talia al Ghul instead. That’s so sad, Bruce. My heart bleeds for you.”
“Thank you, it’s a hard life. But then again, I’ve been told I don’t have to settle for just the exquisite Talia.”
Janet grinned at him, eyes crinkling with mirth. While no one was stupid enough to doubt Bruce’s commitment to Talia, there were plenty of tongues still wagging over Bruce’s continued womanizing. Even after Talia’s now infamous statement on his “infidelity”.
“We have been nothing short of transparent with one another from the very beginning. He’s told me that when I stop fucking other women, he’ll stop fucking other women. It seems very reasonable, no?”
“She seems like a… large personality.”
“She is. I’d love for the two of you to meet.” If only so Talia could give Janet her number directly and stop trawling through her background check.
(“She doesn’t speak with her father, but he lives in Kentucky. Do you suppose they had a falling out?” to “Her mother passed when she was very young.” to “Bruce, I believe that every paper the Drake ‘co-authored’ were written entirely by Janet.”)
“She wants to meet you soon,” he added when Janet made a panicked sort of face. “I know you’re worried about her, but she’d taking all of this very well.” And possibly plotting Janet’s seduction. “Even if she’s being a little melodramatic over becoming a step-mother.”
“Oh no. I should get her one of those awful step did shirts. Do you think she’d kill me? Be honest.”
At Bruce’s confusion, she did a quick search on her phone and flipped the screen towards him, giving him a good look at an atrociously designed t-shirt bearing the slogan: I’M NOT THE STEP DAD, I’M THE DAD THAT STEPPED UP.
Bruce’s booming laugh took nearby patrons by surprise and Janet nearly cackled in delight.
“She would hate it,” he said when he could breathe again, wiping mirthful tears. People around them were subtly staring now, likely realizing the Bruce Wayne was in their midst. “I’m going to order her twenty.”
“No, no.” Janet waved her hand, voice still shaky from laughter. “I have to be the one to give it to her. I’ve already had a son with her soulmate. There’s nowhere to go from there but further down.”
“Deal, but you have to give it to her in front of Dick,” he stipulated. “He’ll be unbearable.”
“Okay, now you have to explain. What’s their deal, really? All the gossips say that they don’t get along.”
“They don’t, but it’s not as serious as everyone makes it out to be,” he assured her. There was no way he was going to scare her off with family dysfunction already. “The two of them have a sort of… rivalry. Over me.”
Janet raised a brow.
“Though I’ve technically known Talia longer, Dick has been in my life for the most cumulative time and they can get a little… argumentative over it.”
“Aw, he’s not used to sharing his dad. Cute.”
“He would have the worst tantrum if he heard you say that,” Bruce said. “I’m talking throwing himself to the ground, howling, the whole nine yards.”
#janet drake#bruce wayne#fic: no choice but to love you#my writing tag#i added the ao3 link this time even though that's a little behind#because it really is better read there#tim drake#jason todd
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guess who just watched summertime rendering (it's really good)
guys what the FUCK
(spoilery-review stuff will be below the cut but tldr: summertime rendering is really good, subverted a lot of my expectations, gorgeous animation, keeps you on your toes and has smart characters and good writing, just try not to cringe too hard at some of the haha boobs/haha panties jokes i swear there's not too many)
okay funny story. i got interested in this anime literally yesterday because one of my favorite channels was analyzing its ending song by chance
and i was like oh it's like anohana but a murder mystery? interesting premise. doesn't necessarily guarantee that it's good, the animation looks pretty at least, but it's 25 episodes and my attention span kinda sucks...
and i see the main girl in a swimsuit and im like alright. the second there's a really weird zoom on her chest im out
(my live thought process pictured below)
and the first shot or so was of the swimsuit girl (ushio) without any weird zooms so i was like okay hey we're in the clear so far
AND THEN
one minute ten seconds. dawg. that actually has to be a record of some sort
and i was 🤏this close to dropping the anime but i really wanted to see the dark horrifying stuff so i continued anyway
like. maybe that's a one off joke. maybe they wont do it again and that was just to get weirdos to be like AYYY and keep watching. maybe there is hope
there was no hope.
but i hung on anyway because right after that was the OP and it looked really interesting mostly because there were no anime visuals at all until the very end
which was. shinpei being a little bit silly. little but quirky. vibing persona 3 style baby baby baby baby baby baby baby
so yeah i decided to keep watching until the end of the first episode despite my apprehension because i just. wanted to see the dark shit go down. uaghhhhhh
and i kept watching EVEN THROUGH the clear insinuation that the mc's adopted sister was in love with him and that the mc was in love with his other adopted sister and the police officer was looking at porn in public and then FINALLY
FINALLY
(major + ending spoilers start here)
they killed my favorite character.
and then they killed the younger sister and then they killed the MAIN CHARACTER AND I WAS LIKE DAWGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
like i was expecting it to be dark but i didnt expect them all to straight up die on screen with blood splatters n everything :sob: wasnt expecting the time loop either
like. you gon have this gorgeous animation just to make the characters' deaths that much more brutal. holy fuck
i realized the other anime this reminded me of. this anime is a anohana x kagerou project crossover. thats fuckin crazy i kinda dig it
people also compare it to re:zero which is fair cuz it has the time travel, the unexpected brutality, the short haired girl who gets rejected in favor of the long haired girl (lmao) i just like kagerou project more
it somehow didnt connect the first time that it wasn't mio and i was like huh i wonder why they suddenly skipped time
and then when this scene rolled around for the second time i literally like. it hit me so fast and i was like FUCK. i was like genuinely terrified help
and then she started stabbing the ever loving shit out of totsumura and i was like oh okay! guess i dont have to wait in suspense for what she'll do at the very least
and then she stabbed shinpei in the throat and i was like OH OKAY
that scene also terrified me cuz like the phone call happening while the killer is nearby is a classic horror trope but like. i dont watch horror usually. that's my worst nightmare
it was on his third death that shinpei really started to shine for me as a protagonist because like. he's smart. notably so! it was really nice because the classic horror starts to fade away at this point and everything becomes a giant chess match
fair enough though cuz bro was like "LMAO NAH I REFUSE TO DIE AGAIN THAT SHIT PAINFUL AS FUCK" (and then repeatedly died a bunch more anyways)
it's interesting that his whole "take a step back" thing is like. a trauma response too. we love dissociation representation lmfao
shinpei was also really quick to adapt to everything and it took a LOT of shit going down to make him finally lose his composure, but he gets back in it and doesnt waste time and it was really refreshing because yknow anime (and the horror genre in general) with its overdramatic clueless protagonists
and also!!
i immediately pegged sou as the loud dumbass yosuke/ryuji type (i love them and their depth, im talking about surface level) best friend who wingmans for shinpei and immediately gets sus of shinpei and gets killed first n shit
but that was my bad like damn sou was a really good character
to be fair this was his first introduction
and the line "I should tell Sou everything" with a shot of the sky is REALLY FUCKING OMINOUS, so i feel like that was a bit of a bait and switch on the author's part lmfao
i stopped taking screenshots around this point so ill just talk about a bunch of parts that stood out to me pff
HIZURU MINAKATA MY BELOVEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
she's so autistic and so smart and so just. god. i love her
AND RYUUNOSUKE IS BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
i literally wanted to cry seeing him in the ending like dawggggggg he's SO cute id marry him no questions asked
he and hizuru were my favorites along with nezu because badass old man SLAYS
i also surprisingly really liked ushio lmao i thought she'd be like the usual manic pixie dream girl and then just based on her being in a swimsuit but like. she was honestly a joy as a character lmfao
like. her being the biggest powerhouse next to hizuru? did not see that coming, we love a girlboss!! and she's also smart and forward-thinking despite the airheaded vibes so like damn. good character! i really liked what little we got to see of the real ushio interacting with her shadow too, it was a nice bit of character building + it was funny lmao
mio was the only character other than shide that i just straight up did not like lmfaosgkjhsjg the whole "im in love with my stepbrother" was just. fuckin. weird to me from the start and you have no idea how fucking relieved i was that shinpei didn't accept her confession or get with her at the end
of course it's like. not any better that he got with his other stepsister. but like mio was more annoying so it's fine (😭)
she ended up being a damsel in distress who didnt really do anything up until the school fight where she still didnt do much, and with how much ushio emphasized "protect mio" you'd think she' have some sort of plot relevance but nope she just. thought about her brother a lot and confessed after 20 episodes and got rejected and cried
it's like all the buildup to her confession was PURELY to buildup for the ACTUAL confession which was shinpei telling her that he was in love with ushio
which is lame
like jesus her shadow had more plot relevance than her. i literally liked her shadow more than her like ????????
tokiko was a good character though i liked the "i didnt dirty my hands for this" foreshadowing and also her being a lesbian was an unexpected surprise that i liked lmfao she's a fuckin real one for still encouraging mio to be with shinpei despite being madly in love with mio. what the hell was that "i want her to see all of me" line like girl????
shide was a good smart villain, he kinda started getting cheesy typical anime villain by the end but by that point the anime was pretty firmly in the action/strategy genre and relying a lot less on the horror/mystery part so it was alright
i did love the talk he and shinpei had about video games and the FF7 namedrop was hilarious lmfao
it was cool how they had the callback to him being a video game nerd during the first fireworks festival with that 2d 3d king thing
absolutely despise him for what he did to hiruko though like. ew.
i didnt really get why hiruko deadass reverted into this weird lookin baby thing at the end but like haise was cute i liked her
didnt understand how they literally changed history either but i guess the magic eyes are like "fuck time lmao all my homies hate time" so oh well, i guess it works
the ending was really a full on "everybody lives and is happy" type deal but like. i didnt even mind man i was literally ecstatic seeing hizuru's boobs again like holy shit. you know you're watching a weird ass anime when you start crying at the fucking fanservice scenes like ohhhh my god
and like goddammit they deserve happiness
although. i was a bit pissed that they brought ushio back to life. like yeah she deserved to be brought back and yeah i do love her but rip the themes of grief and regret i guess
the show was never really about grief so i get why she was brought back but like ueeeuueueuueuee the whole "i don't want to do anything i'll regret again (including leaving ushio before we had the chance to say goodbye) so i have to keep moving forward" was really good character stuff and hrekjajsghjhsg i guess it paid off at the end???
whatever ill take getting hizuru and ryuunosuke back no matter the narrative costs
anyway yeah really good anime, definitely exceeded my expectations (which were pretty low to be fair though), i did watch all 25 episodes within 24 hours so i might be a little insane
#summertime rendering#summertime render#summer time render#summer time rendering#god. i fucking knew the tags on tumblr would be a mess the second i saw the name#shinpei ajiro#ushio kofune#hizuru minakata#ryuunosuke minakata#tokiko hishigata#sou hishigata#ginjiro nezu#not tagging mio for any mio likers out there im sorry :sob:
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